#I CANT EXPLAIN HOW I FEEL EVERYTIME I LISTEN TO IT
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do you ever just accidently find the most scrumpdiliyummerlicious song ever that you literally start ascending to the sky as it plays over and over and over and over again on repeat?
#RUBY BY WOOZI#JUGHLSD#I CANT EXPLAIN HOW I FEEL EVERYTIME I LISTEN TO IT#ITS THE ONLY THING IVE BEEN LISTENING TOO FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS#ethearepity#woozi#seventeen#kpop#music#spotify#ICANTBREATHE#LGJHLSDYGHLSDYGHLETYHLKHYUDSK#ITS SO YUMMY#AGH#ALKSDEGH
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ᴡʜʏ ʜɪᴍ?✧.*
bestfriend!megumi x f!reader
megumi finally explains to you what toge is trying to do but your caught inbetween thoughts. do you trust him or not?
↳˳;; ❝ part of my jealous? me? never! fic, masterlist here ᵕ̈೫˚∗
content: what do i put here besides the usual..?? ANGST!!!! absoloute zero fluff, not proofread
wc: 639
an: sigh i havent wrote in forever.. oopsies. per usual.. this is short ☹️
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megumi sharply inhales, holding his breathe before deeply exhaling. he opens up his mouth as if to speak, but no words come out.
once he finally stumbles upon the right words, he voices.
"i know this will be hard to believe since all you want is a friend but," he pauses, "all inumaki wants from you is to get you attached and then ditch you. he mainly wants a reaction from me." he finally release those pent up words he has been trying to say forever.
"oh.." you stutter, unsure of what to trust. afterall, megumi may just be jealous and doesnt want you hanging out with toge. on the otherhand, he may be telling the complete truth.
you blink tears away quick, but not quick enough for megumi to not notice. he opens up his arms and you fall into his warm embrace. oh how you've missed it.
"i'm sorry for not believing you all this time megumi i just.." you think, "i just wanted a friend. and it only seemed you were jealous but clearly not!!" you sob into his shoulder.
he makes a soft shhh noise to soothe you down, and it worked. why didnt you believe this man? he knows you more than you mnow yourself.
there was still that possibility that megumi could be lying however. you were a bit suspicious. you wanted to trust him so bad but you didnt know it you could.
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megumi walks outside during lunch, hoping he'd see you at your ex shared table, no toge in sight. but allas, hes greeted with the most ugly sight of all.
toge with his snakey little arms around your waist. holding what should be megumis. he had thought you maybe finally listened. but it was as clear as day you didn’t.
you knew it was wrong, you knew to trust megumi. but you just didn’t. why? why did you act like this? he was one of the only people you could actually trust and you’re just doubting it because of some ‘friendship’? you knew you had been manipulated but you just couldnt leave.
you peeped over toge’s shoulder just to see megumi, tears welling in those beautiful eyes you get lost in everytime-or, did, rather.
now, you were sure he was destined to never talk to you again and to be fair, you wouldn’t blame him. although, there was a small little light of hope in your stomach, hoping maybe you can explain yourself and really express how you feel. maybe actually get on the right track.
you feel wettness glide down your left cheek as you watch megumi turn and walk away from the sight of you and inumaki.
"woah? hey whats wrong y/n? why you cryin'?" inumaki says, attempting to comfort you but never fufilling it like megumi always did.
"sorry, heh.." you wipe your tears, "i got allergies."
inumaki giggles and moves on with the topic you were previously talking about. but, you just cant seem to focus.
you keep letting your mind wander and think about how your going to get megumi back, not even paying any attention to inumaki.
"y/n!! are you listening to me?" the man questions.
"yeah!! of course.." you let a lie slither off of your tongue.
you had a plan to get him back. you just didn't know how long it would take. or how much it would cost but.. you were willing to do anything for that man.
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you lay in your bed, as still as the stump of a tree. you hover your finger over the small little pixels in your screen.
you press the button and let out a sigh of relief. you would finally get a fresh start and come back to megumi once you refresh.
you had just bought a plane ticket to the U.K. you don't know why there but you just needed an escape for a few years.
you had only told your mom and dad what is happening. you leave tomorrow.
you start to pack your bags and let out a few tears but quickly clean them off.
you finish packing your bags and head to bed, knowing you have to be up bright and early for your 6:35 flight.
you needed this, why do you feel bad about it?
@1l-ynn @theweirdfloatything @morideadcat @instabull @sad-darksoul @crispchocolates @adormae
#mewogrl#fanfic#jjk x reader#mewogrlwrites!#x reader smut#fic#fic recs#jjk megumi#nobara#yuji#toge#megumi#jjk nobara#jjk yuji#jjk toge#megumi x y/n#megumi x you#megumi x reader
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Could you do a ftm!reader x oikawa and iwa (or whoever you feel like writing) where he wishes he could play volleyball but cant due to medical stuff (or due to being transgender, where i am sadly it is illegal and the only thing stopping me, that might go into too angsty tho) but likes to watch their practices, and brungs stuff for theur teammates constantly (aka food or lil charms. You get the picture)
And games?
Oikawa x manager ftm reader x Iwaizumi
I am really sorry about the fact that you can't and hope that someday you could play,also have some virtual warm hugs and kisses⊂(´・◡・⊂ )∘˚˳°
Where I live it is frowned upon for a trans boy to play as a team and I have not met anyone with a similar situation.
I wish I could play...
Due to the fact that you were a trans guy you couldn't play volleyball and that made it worse,but not everything was going to be angsty and sad,you had your team with you and your partners by your side.
The shock that was in everyone when they found out that they were having a manager,A MANAGER?!😦
Yeah,nobody including the couch never thought that someone will ever agree to be Seijoh's manager but still they were happy.
"You can come in", everyone's eyes on the door,just watching.You got scared about the fact that everyone's were on you but still acted calm."Hello,i'm m/n and I will be your manager from on,nice to meet you"you bowed.
The first and second years were too stuned by your charms that were just staring,the third years introduced you to everyone and explaining the rules and you had to do,except for the brown haired boy who was just sobbing after a black haired boy smacked him.
After a few months of being their manager you had learned how much this boys loved and cared about you especially Iwaizumi and Oikawa.
~ Being their manager meaned to fill the bottles,writing notes,cleaning and helping on everything that you could but also giving them forehead kisses,hugs,head pats and a lot of compliments and comfort for they loosed.
~ The whole team going to your house to spend the afternoon playing games, watching móviles and having sleepovers.
~Gosh,you loved theses boys and your partners,but that pissed you was that everytime Oikawa's fangirls see you will immediately surround you, you're just stading there,body freezed not knowing what to do,just trying to find your boyfriends or anyone on the team.Luckely the couch came to save from those girls,"thanks couch I was too panicked by them".Poor boy,after what happened your team saw your panicked face and tried to find out the reason while you were just trying to calm yourself down."M/n what happened?" "Oikawa's fangirls surrounded me again".After that incident the boys were more protective being around you so the girls won't make you uncomfortable ever again.
~"I'm done with this team,you don't even listen to your captain"said the setter while dramatically walked towards the gym door.
"Go wherever you want but m/n and Iwaizumi won't be going with you"That was Matsukawa's response before he left the gym.
When you entered the gym after changing to your manager uniformnyou saw that everyone was there except Oikawa,it surprised you a bit,he rarely missed practice."You know were is Oikawa?"you asked the first years,"He left the gym just before you came,saying we don't listen to him".A few minutes later Oikawa entered the gym and runned towards you hugging."I thought that you would never come back"you said with a smile on your face."How could I leave my pretty and adorable boyfriend behind"he said while buring his face on your neck for some comfort
~On days where you didn't have practice,you will play volleyball in the park with the first years,go on dates with your boyfriends,like a picnic under the blossoms trees,make homemade food,go to a cat cafes,etc.
Eventhought the fact that you were trans made the situation worse and couldn't the thinghs that you liked of fear of being judged,your team would do anything for you to see that pretty smiled on your face."M/n san,can we go to the park on saturday to play volleyball,please?"asked Yahaba with Watari by your side waiting for your answer.In the end you accepted and you more fun that what expected.
#haikyuu x m!reader#haikyuu x male reader#hq x male reader#hq x m!reader#haikyuu x trans reader#hq x trans reader#haikyuu x ftm reader#hq x ftm reader#oikawa x reader#oikawa x male reader#oikawa x trans reader#oikawa x ftm reader#iwaizumi x reader#iwaizumi x trans reader#iwaizumi x ftm reader#oikawa x trans reader x iwaizumi#oikawa x male reader x iwaizumi#oikawa x ftm reader x iwaizumi
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Chasing Storms and Finding Love. Chapter 11. Part 1:
Series Summary: When Tyler's baby sister joins him and his team for a season she seems to catch the eye of a certain StormPar member much to her brothers dismay... will she listen listen to her big brother or follow her heart?
Pairing: Scott Miller X fem!reader, Tyler Owens x sister!reader
Chapter Summary: Reader is now awake and learns about the twins. And Scott ask a very important question!
Warnings: Sneaking around, Pissed off Tyler, Love Struck Scott, ALOTS of kissing, A little age gap, Cussing, Drinking, Storms(duh), Falling in love, Slow burn
A/N: Thank you everyone that has been reading and reblogging it means alot! Like I have said before I am new at writing and everytime like comment and reblog i get lets me know yall are likeing it! This chapter is gonna be in 2 parts there is alot of detail I want to add when the reader is in the hospital! Again thank you @nikkicloudie for the ideas and help you give me and always encouraging me to keep writing and not push myself! I also want to apologize for it taking so long for this chapter had some personal things going on, it's not edited the best so I'm sorry for any mistakes!
@nikkicloudie @thespillingvoid @turnerintoabutler @Lindsayjoy444 @glenpowellluver @harrysgothicbitch @ambipom9 @lxaah11
"Scott"
Your eyes flutter open it take a few seconds to adjust to the bright lights but when they do the first thing you see is Scott's blue eyes looking back at you. Things are still very fuzzy and your ears sound a little muffled but you hear the beeping of a machine and Scott saying something you cant make out fully "rusty ashleigh go get a nurse or the dr"
"Scotty" you say again "I'm right here baby I'm here, Rusty and Ashleigh went to get someone" You hear Scott say then you hear another voice "Jellybean Casey is calling mom and dad they will be here soon" You try to lift your head but Scott and Tyler are quick to stop you.
"Where am I? What happened? Is the puppy ok" you ask your eyes looking between your boyfriend and brother and hear soft laughter. "Baby your in the hospital you got hit in the head by a tree branch you've been out almost 5 days you also broke your leg so don't move that either ok" Scott says rubbing your head "but what about the puppy is he ok" you ask again
"Jelly bean the puppy is fine I promise lets get you checked out by the doctors before we worry about the dog ok" your brother says laughing.
All of a sudden a man and a woman walk in and make their way you "hello y/n I'm Dr. Mitchell this is Dr. Teller how are feeling" He says shining a bright light in your eyes "my head hurt alot and so does my leg" you tell him "Thats normal you had brain surgery due to the trauma you sustained and another surgery on your leg both me and Dr. Teller will explain everything"
You listen to everything both doctors tell you about the surgery, the screws in your leg, the recovery and everything else that has happened the last few days you out. "there is one more thing but I think that should come from your boyfriend" the dr says as he steps aside and Scott is back by your side
"Baby after your surgeries we found out you are about 6 weeks pregnant...with twins" Scott says almost in a whisper.
"I'm gonna be a mommy" you ask shocked looking back to Scott and see he has tears of his own "Yes baby were gonna be parents to twins, how you feel about that" he ask kissing your hand "So fucking happy so happy just shocked" then you hear your brother from across the room "we all were jellybean" Tyler says.
The doctors continue their exams while explaining few more things to you "Do you have any questions Miss.Owens?" Dr. Mitchell ask "a few are my babies ok? Can I get something for the pain? and when can I eat I'm starving" you say "The babies are fine and have strong heartbeats, I will order you some morphine for the pain and as soon as you get in your new room you can eat" Dr. Teller says laughing, then both doctors leave the room.
"your parents are on their way your mom said they should be here in 20 minutes but they are coming as fast as they can" you hear Casey say "Casey Ashleigh and oh my God Rusty yall did not have to come all the way here" you say hugging them from your bed
"are you kidding y/n there is no place else we'd be" Casey says "yeah you're our sister the 3rd Charlie's angles" Ashleigh laughs
"Rusty awwwww I haven't seen you in so long come here give me a hug I missed you" Rusty walks over and gives you a hug carful not to hurt you "I missed you too y/n so glad you're awake, all the guys at KT send their love" he says "awwww tell them I said I love them too and tell B he still owes me that 50 bucks" "ok I will" he says laughing.
"You know nobody ever told me what happened to the puppy I saved" you said looking to Scott and your brother
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20 minutes later your parents are walking in your room, your mom makes a b-line for you with tears streaming down her face. "oh my baby you're awake" she says leaning over your bed hugging you, your dad doing the same on the other side. "mama daddy" you say tears filling your eyes as well "how you feeling princess" you hear your dad ask. You take a minute to compose yourself just enjoying being in the arms of your parents.
"I'm very sore the Dr should be in any minute with some morphine" you finally say wiping your tears. "What else did the Dr say about everything sweetie" your mother ask looking around the room. Tyler filled yalls parents in on what was said and how you are waiting to be moved to a new room. You see Scott across the room looking at you with your parents smiling and it makes your heart melt "I love you" your mouth to him "I love you too" he mouths back with a smile
As promised the Dr. Mitchell came in with something for the pain. He says hello to your parents then makes his way over to you, "ok y/n I'm gonna give you a bit of morphine for the pain. Don't worry it's completely safe for the babies" he says with a smile while he takes the arm where your IV is "I'm gonna give it through your IV that way it gets in your system faster. It will make you groggy and maybe even a little sick so I mixed it with antinausea meds as well. You also may feel a bit...giggly but it will mainly make you sleepy" with that said he pushed the meds in your IV. "That should start working in the next few minutes, any questions?" He ask looking at you and you shake your head no "ok if you need me or a nurse press the call button, we should have you in your new room within the hour" he says and walks our the door.
After the doctor leaves you turn to your parents "So mama daddy how you feeling about being grandparents of twins at that?" You finally ask looking between your parents "honey your father and I are so happy we're gonna be memaw and papaw I'm excited it came as a shock but we're excited. The real question is how are you feeling about being a mother" your mom ask
"I'm so fucking happy just still in shock its alot to process. I mean last thing I remember is trying to save a puppy from getting sucked into a tornado then I wake up 5 days later being told I had brain surgery screws in my leg and I'm 6 weeks pregnant with twins" you say to your parents.
A few moments later you start laughing and everyone in the room looks st you like you are crazy and Scott is at your side "Baby why are you laughing you're kinda scaring us" "I think that morphine is really kicking in" you hear Rusty say from across the room, but you continue to laugh calling your brother over.
"Yes my high as a kite baby sister" he says coming to your bedside with a smile "the Dr said I was 6 weeks pregnant right" you say with a smirk to a very confused Tyler "yes jellybean why" he ask "that means the twins were conceived in the driver seat of your truck" you say busting out laughing. "Oh my God y/n why did you have to remind of that" your brother says shaking his head
The whole room starts laughing including your mom your dad not so much...he is looking at Scott with daggers.
You look to the other side of your bed where Scott is and he's pale as ghost completely speechless not believing you said that in front your parents "Baby I know that medicine is making you feel good and I'm very happy you're not in pain but let's keep some things to ourselves ok" Scott pleads with you "ok baby" you say with a doppy smile
"that is something I did not want to know about my daughter" your dad says pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. Tyler looks to yalls dad and says "well dont let these 3" pointing to you Casey and Ashleigh "get drunk you'll learn a hell of alot more about your daughter that will scar you for life old man" slapping your dad on the back "duly noted son thanks" your dad says
It doesnt take long for you start to doze in and out, hearing everyone in the room talking but you can't make any of it out. The last thing you remember before falling asleep is Scott kissing your lips and telling you he loved you.
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You wake up a couple hours later in a new room, you look around and only see Scott, reading a book while sitting by your bedside "Scott baby" you whine out. At the sound of your voice Scott lifts his from his book and smiles.
"Hey baby how you feeling" he ask standing up and kissing your lips, and you kiss back deepening the kiss a bit "damn I've missed kissing you baby" he says as he lays his forehead against yours, you just smile and nod your head "where is everyone" you ask looking around.
"They all went to get something to eat baby they'll be back" Scott says brushing some hair from your face "baby aren't you hungry why didn't you go" you asked "I'm ok baby I'll eat when you do I promise. Dr said you can now you still hungry I'll call your brother and ask him to get something anything you want it's yours"
You think for a minute before giving him a smirk "I really want some pancakes and bacon" you say with a smile. At your words Scott shakes his head and laughs "of course you do. There is an iHOP not to far away I'll have your brother go get you some" "thank you baby" you smile up at him before asking "can I get extra chocolate chips and butter please" "Anything for the love of my live and mother of my twins"
Scott calls your brother and tells him what you want and orders something for himself then updates everyone over the phone how you feel.
You watch Scott on the phone with your family, you smile and rub your stomach. You haven't got a chance to talk to your boyfriend about how he's feeling about being a father. Scott gets off the phone and comes to your bed side "Tyler said he will have your chocolate chip pancakes with extra chocolate chips and butter here as soon as possible. Casey and Ashleigh are going to get you a new night gown because and I quote Ashleigh these hospital ones are ugly my ZBZ sister needs something pink" he says trying to sound like Ashleigh "and your parents are gonna be up when your brother come back up"
"Scott I haven't even got to ask you, how are you feeling about the pregnancy? I know it's not what we planned and its really soon and we really never planned on twins and its..." Scott cuts you off with a kiss and a smile "Baby I'm so excited your pregnant! I was shocked when they told me and even more so when they said twins but I couldn't be happier. Yeah it's not what we planned this early but I love you so much and I already love these babies" at Scotts words you relax a bit and smile.
You move over as best you can and pat the space beside you telling Scott to come lay with you. He hesitates for a second not waiting to hurt you but gives in. He sits beside you and wrapping you in his arms, damn he missed this.
"I hope it's 2 girls" you say softly "your brother called it" Scott says with a laugh. "he knows me well" you say
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About an hour later the door to your room opens and in walks your brother and your parents. "we bring food jellybean" Tyler says walking over to you. "Thank God I am so hungry! did you get the extra chocolate chips and butter" you ask your brother "yes I got them"
As you dig into your pancakes and cant help the small moan that leaves your lips "these are the best things in the world" you say with a mouth full of food. Scott laughs as he opens the food your brother brought him. You both continue to eat while plans are bring made for after you are released from the hospital.
The plan that is finally decided on after rounds and rounds of everyone talking...You will go home with Scott as planned, and he will do his work from home so he's there's to take care of you. Tyler will go back chasing with his crew and finish the season out and will stop by as much as possible, after the season he will spilt his time from his place and Scotts place. As far as your parents they will stay in the guest room but will be finding a place to rent near by for a more long term stay. Even Scotts parents were helping, they were going to get the house ready and start making list of doctors in the area for you.
"Scott I don't wait to get into your financial situation but we will cover anything y/n may need for her recovery I don't want you to feel the burden is all on you" your dad says looking to Scott. "That goes for the twins as well we know this was sudden" your mom says
"That's very nice of you Mr. And Mrs. Owens but I have a good savings from my work at StormPar and a trust my grandparents set up for me before they passed and I have not touch either, we will be fine on money. I want to take care of all 3 of them" Scott says to your parents "I respect that son I'm glad my babygirl found a man like you but I will be helping she was my baby first" your dad said shaking Scotts hand.
Your sisters and Rusty come back so your parents decide to go to the hotel so you can spend time with your friends before visiting hours end "we will be back tomorrow morning baby I love you get some rest" your mom's says kissing your cheek followed by your dad "I love you princess I'll see you tomorrow" "I love you yall too".
You start to talk to Ashleigh while she shows you the pink nightgown she got you "Oh that's so cute thank you Ash" you say hugging her "Casey got you a robe to go with it" she says hugging you back. While she goes to pull it out Scott comes to your side "Hey baby I'm gonna walk your parents down and your brother is coming with me do you want anything" "im ok babyI love you" "I love you too"
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Scotts POV:
Scott and Tyler walk Brooke and Troy downstairs to the lobby, but before they can walk out of the hospital doors Scott ask them if he could talk to them. It's now or never Scott thinks to himself.
"Mr.&Mrs.Owens I love your daughter more then anything in this world and I'm so happy to be starting a family with her. I want to be with y/n the rest of my life and I promise to take care of her and love her the rest of my life. I have talked to and asked Tyler already but I really want to ask the two of you as well. Can I have your permission to ask your daughter to marry me" Scott finished and looked to y/n parents.
"Speaking as her mother I say yes Scott, I can tell you truly love my daughter and you are gonna be a great father and husband" "thank you Mrs.Owens" Scott says and the 3 of them look to Troy
Troy looks from his son and wife then to Scott "Well Scott that's y/n is my babygirl she's the most important thing in my life she's had me wrapped around her finger since the moment I met her at 3 years old. That being said yes you have my blessing but remember what I told you before...ever hurt her and I'll hunt you down and they will never find your body got it" Scott nods his hands before replying "yes sir but you never have to worry about that that girl and those babies are my everything and I'll spend til my last breath showing that".
With everything said Troy shakes Scotts hand and Brooke gives him a hug "I'm so happy, you need help picking out a ring or you have anything in mind" she asks "all I have for now is incorporating pink in the stones, I know that's her favorite color not to mention it's ZBZs color and I want to incorporate that for her since it means so much to her" Scott says with a smile. Brooke smiles back at him with tears in her eyes "she'll love it, whatever you pick out"
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Y/N POV:
You are taking and laughing with your sisters and Rusty(well Rusty looks annoyed) when Scott and Tyler walk back in the room, Scott loves seeing you smile and laughing again. "What is with all the laughing and why does Rusty look like he's ready to hit the 3 of you" Scott says as he walks over and kisses you.
"He just found out I know about the crush he had on me his freshmen and sophomore years at UT and that they know he walked in on me changing when i stayed with them Chicago" you say laughing "he saw you naked" both Scott and Tyler say at the same time "only the top half and it was an accident I should have locked the door" you said "a crush my baby brother was in LOVE with your girl Scott even wanted to ask her to the KT formal" Casey says laughing while Rusty turns red and hides his face
"I would have gone with you Rusty you were always one of my favorite people at school, you saved me from that drunk guy at a KT party remember" you say and that makes Rusty smile a bit "what drunk guy at a party I never knew about a drunk guy at a party bothering you Y/n" "there was nothing to tell Tyler drunk frat guy tried to get handsy Rusty saw it and got in the middle and had his brother kick him out" you said rolling your eyes
You didn't know it was so late til the nurse came in to let everyone know visiting hours we're over but said 2 people could stay the night if you wanted. "Miss Owens after your friends leave would you like to take shower get in a fresh gown" you didn't think twice before replying "yes please thank you" the nurse laughs and tells you she'll be back in 10 minutes.
While your saying bye to your sisters and Rusty you see your boyfriend and brother whispering something, what are they up to you think to yourself,then your brother comes over "Jellybean I'm gonna stay a bit longer but I'm gonna walk these 3 down get something to eat for the 3 of us while Scott and the nurse help you shower, text me when your done" then he kisses your head and leaves with the small group.
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About an hour and a half later you are showered, in fresh clothes and eating the food your brother brought up. "I'm glad the 2 of you are getting along" you say looking at Scott and Tyler as you take a bite of your food "we came to an understanding the days you were out baby we're ok I promise" Scott says looking at you with a smile
"Is this for real this time or do I need to plan another zoo trip? Cuz I'll do it I'll roll myself round all day and this time I'll make Ashleigh come and that girl lives for a zoo trip" both boys laugh while they continue to eat before your brother speaks up "I promise no games this time you don't need to plan a zoo trip"
After a little longer of just hanging out with your 2 favorite people talking about random things you start to feel more pain in your head and leg you try to hide it but your face gives you away "Baby you ok" Scott ask "I'm ok Scotty just pain" you try to smile but a sharp pain runs through your head and it makes you wince "I'm going to get the nurse" before you could stop him your brother is out the door
A few minutes later Dr. Mitchell and the nurse come back in with Tyler "Miss.Owens I hear you are in some pain can you show me where it hurts and describe it" he says wile shinning a light in your eyes
You point to the right side of your head just above your temple "it's a sharp pain almost like a headache but more intense, I'm also having alot of pain in my leg" Dr. Mitchell finishes up his exam before explaining things to you "the sharp pain and headache is completely normal at this stage in recovery it can be caused from a number of things but since your exam is normal I'm gonna say it's just from the excitement of the day and your brain letting you know it needs a break, as far as your leg that looks fine. How bout I order another round of morphine maybe this time put a little something to help you sleep" Dr. Mitchell says while looking at you waiting for an answer. " That would be great thank you"
He tells you it's gonna be a few minutes so in the mean time you finish your dinner with your brother and Scott.
10 minutes later Dr. Mitchell is back with your little pain/sleep med cocktail "These together are gonna work almost instantly" he says as he pushes the meds into your IV, and true to his words just a few minutes later you are dozing off hearing Scott say "sweet dreams I love you"
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The next day you wake up around 6am and see Scott sleeping on the couch in your room, all you can think is how uncomfortable he must be. You really need to use the bathroom but your boyfriend looks so peaceful you don't want to wake him up and you know if you press for the nurse that will also wake up Scott "it's not that far I can make it alone" you say
After sitting there another few minutes you decide it's now or never. You throw the covers off turn yourself and make it to the edge of the bed "now the hard part". It takes several tries but you finally make it up, granted a little wobbly but you did. You hold on to the bed and start to make you way to the bathroom very slowly. You are half way to the bathroom when you hear...
"What are you doing baby" and Scott is jumping up in a panic rushing to you and grabbing your arm "I had to pee and I know you haven't been sleeping alot so I didn't want to wake you baby and if I called the nurse that would have woke you" Scott shakes his head at your need to still be independent "I'm fine I actually slept a good bit last night and even I had I just fell asleep I would rather you wake me then try to do this alone and hurt yourself anymore, plus you're carrying precious cargo". He helps you to the bathroom then back to bed.
Scott gets you breakfast while the nurse does her morning checkup routine "Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Teller will be around soon y/n" she says with a smile and walks out the door.
While your eating Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Teller comes in "Good morning Miss.Owens how are you feeling this today?" Dr.Teller ask making her way to your bed and begins to check your leg. "A little pain but more discomfort then anything" you tell her.
While she's checking your leg Dr.Mitchell comes to check over your head "any headaches, dizziness, confusion, or blurry vision" he ask shinning his little light in your eyes. "Just a headache" you say.
They both finish with their exams and tell you that you're healing well but still have a ways to go and that they want to keep you at least another week that was not what you wanted to hear. "But we do have some good news that might make it better, OB will be coming down and doing a sonogram so you will get to see your babies today" Dr. Mitchell says with a smile.
"Really we get to see them" you ask kinda like you couldn't believe it, you look over to Scott and see he has the biggest smile on his face. "Yes ma'am they should be in within the next hour" with one more look over they order a little something for the pain and leave.
"I can't believe we get to see them" you say looking over to Scott, he just smiles back at you "I know baby I can't wait either"
You text your brother your parents Casey and Ashleigh and tell them and promise your your mom and brother to get a copy of the pictures for them. As your texting with your brother you hear a knock at the door "come in" you tell whoever is knocking. When you look up you see a woman with short brown hair and glasses walk in pushing a machine "Good morning Miss.Owens I'm Dr. Jones I'm gonna check on your babies make sure everything is good and get some measurements on them that ok with you" she ask with a smile "that's great we're excited to see them" you tell her.
"Well since you are not but about 7 weeks now the sonogram is gonna be vaginally with this little wand" she explains holding something in her hand to show you. She goes on and explains how it works and what what you're gonna see then make sure you are OK with Scott being in the room and of course you tell her you are "ok great let's get started, now you will feel some pressure but that's normal and just a warning it will be cold" and damn she was right.
After about few seconds of her moving the wand around you see them you see both your babies "Oh my God Scott look our babies" you say with tears in your eyes, you look over to Scott and see the same thing. Your lost in that moment trying to memorize Scotts face when all of a sudden you hear 2 little heartbeats and that makes you snap your head back to the screen.
"It looks like your twins are gonna be identical" the Dr says looking over to you. "When can we find out their genders" you ask "you can do a blood test at 10 weeks but for ultrasounds it's not til about 16 weeks at the earliest". She continues to take pictures and measurements and explains everything to you. "The babies are both healthy and have strong heartbeats and your are measuring about 7 weeks 2days, I'm gonna get you both a couple pictures" she says looking from you to Scott "can I get 3 extra pictures for my parents brother and his parents please" "not a problem" she smiles
She gets your pictures printed and let's you know she will be back in a few days for another check up, you and Scott both thank her and she walks out the door.
Scott is holding the pictures she gave him looking at it in awe then looks at you teary-eyed and puts a hand on your belly "this makes it more real for me, we made them I'm gonna be a dad, I'm gonna have a family with the love of my life" he says then grabs your face and kisses you with so much passion it made your toes curl.
After Scott pulled away from the kiss you smile up at him "I'm excited too baby"
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An hour later your brother and parents come in your room with big smiles on their faces. Tyler makes a b-line for you but instead of his normal greeting of hey little sister he says "give me my picture of my 2 nieces" you look at him with a questionable look "how do you know they are girls Ty I'm not even 8 weeks" you say handing him his copy.
"Call it a hunch jellybean" he says smiling and looking at the picture.
You then hand your parents their copy and your mom waste no time taking it from you. Her eyes fill with tears as she looks at it "I'm really gonna be a grandma, oh honey look at them" she says handing your dad the picture. Your dad is trying his best to hold back tears but you them, he's not as slick as he thinks but you'll let him have his moment.
You tell your parents and brother what all 3 doctors told you from your longer stay to when the next sonogram will be. "Well I talked to Scotts mother and she has a list of doctors for you and Scott to look over along with orthopedic doctors" your mom tells you while she fluffed up your pillow.
"You talked to Scotts mom?" you ask confused looking to Scott who is just as confused as you "how did you get her number mom?" you ask. "From your phone sweetheart when you were sleeping yesterday" she answered.
"How do you know my passcode"
"Honey it wasn't hard to figure out I know my daughter 7-6-2-8-8 it only took me 3 tries" she's says while going about her business "your passcode spells Scott" he says laughing you roll your eyes at your "Shut up tyler" you mumble.
Your mom gives you the list of doctors to go over and research, while you are looking over the list Scotts phone starts to ring "Hey baby I gotta get this it's work I'll be right outside" he kisses your lips then leaves the room.
"Ty speaking of work aren't you missing alot I don't want you to miss to much because of me"
"Its fine really y/n, my crew is taking over til you are home Kate is also helping and we put out a video to let the fans know I'm taking time off to be with my sister so don't worry, if a storm comes close I might jump in but you and my nieces are number 1, oh and the crew will be back tomorrow they are all dying to see you" he says then kisses your forehead
"You really are the best big brother anyone could ask for TyTy but dont get my hopes up about 2 girls"
A few minutes later Scott come back in the room and walks over to your bed, "Baby I have to go deal with some work stuff I'm so sorry, are you gonna be ok for a few hours" he ask rubbing your head. "Yeah baby I'll be fine I promise I got my parents and brother here plus im gonna look over the list of doctors and I'm thinking of taking a nap soon"
"OK baby I'll make it up to you what about tonight I get us take out and we have a little hospital date night sound good" "Scotty that sounds perfect I love you" you say smiling. He leaves down and kisses you "I love you too baby so much" then he rubs and kisses your belly "and I love the 2 of you so much be good to mommy while daddy's gone". You smile at your boyfriend talking to your belly and you think how lucky you are to have found Scott Miller.
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Scott's POV:
Scott hated lying to you but it would all be worth it tonight when he slips that ring on your finger. The phone call he got was accidentally Ashleigh letting him know things were get up at the jewelry store downtown and he and Casey would meet him there.
As Scott drove through downtown Oklahoma City his mind goes back to the night 3½ months ago when one laugh from across the parking alot changed his world. Scott has had other relationships in his 31 years on earth but if he's being honest he's never really loved any of them, he might have said the words and may even thought at the time he did love them but after hearing one laugh from a girl across the parking lot he knew none of his past relationships were real.
He also thinks about the twins you are carrying and even tho they weren't planned and came as a total surprise, they were truly made out of real love.
At the jewelry store Scott Casey and Ashleigh look at dozens of rings, they are all beautiful but nothing feels right to him. Scott has never shopped for jewelry and hes way out of his element and started to panic. Casey sees his panic expression "OK what's your budget Scott maybe that will help us narrow it down" Casey ask.
He pulls the girls to the side before explaining "I don't have one I was thinking 50 grand?" Is that good?" Scott asked looking at both girls who look shocked at the number he just said "I need this ring to be perfect it has to show her how much I love her. I never thought I'd be shopping for a ring but I love y/n so much I want her to love it"
"OK Scott calm down" Ashleigh says to him "first off that girl loves you more then anything you could get her a ring from a cracker jack box and she would love it and show it off. Second 50 grand is alot for a ring most men spend 4 to 6 grand. But it's your money but I think I have the answer... Princess Diana" Ashleigh says with a smile looking at Casey then Scott
Scott looks at her confused then pinches the bridge of his nose and ask "what does she have to with picking a ring out for y/n"
Ashleigh smiles then finishes "Well y/n has always admired her she has even dressed as her for parties and has always loved the engagement ring Prince Charles gave her and they make rings that look just like it with pink stones, so we can look here if it's not at this store there are dozens of jewelry stores in this city"
"OK that's a good idea Ash" Casey says then looks to Scott "what do you think Scott?" Scott thinks for a minute, he knows your love for Princess Diana. "OK we'll start there" he says and walks away to go talk to the man behind the counter.
Scott was starting to lose hope they are about to walk into their 6th jewelry store of the day, hoping this would be the one that had the ring. He walks to the woman who was standing behind the counter crossing his fingers they had the perfect ring. "Good afternoon sir how can I help today" the woman says with a smile.
"Yes ma'am I am looking for an engagement ring for my girlfriend, I have been to 5 other stores and I am really hoping you have what I'm looking for" Scott explains to her.
"I can help you sir we have alot of styles cuts and stones, what are you looking for" She ask "I'm looking for a replica of the same engagement ring that Princess Diana had but with a pink stone" he explains to the lady
The lady just smiles and nods before saying "you are in luck sir we have a few of those 2 of them are in pink. One a darker pinker and the other a lighter pink, I'll bring them both over for you to look at" then walks away after Scott thanks her a dozen times.
A few minutes later the sales woman returns with 2 rings. Scott takes one look at the lighter pink one before blurting out "That's the one, I'll take it" before the sales woman can give him any details about it. "Thats great but don't you want to know the price sir? As beautiful as this ring is it's on the pricer side, it's a 3 carat pink diamond on a white gold band with 20 white diamonds around it and due to it being a pink diamond it's around $38,700" she says looking at Scott.
Scott pulls out his wallet and grabs one of his credit cards and hands it to the woman "that's fine put it on the card". The woman looks at Scott, she hesitates for a second before grabbing the card "yes sir give me just a few minutes"
"Y/n gonna kill you when she finds out how much you spent you know that right" Casey says "Yeah I know so let's keep that under wraps for awhile" he says looking at her.
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Y/N POV:
Your sitting in your bed watching some Gray's anatomy reruns on the small hospital tv, your brother and parents left about an hour ago leaving you alone. Your waiting on Scott, he's been gone all day and you were missing him like crazy even tho it's only been a few hours. You rub your belly and start talking to the twins "yall know I love your daddy so much! Yall wanna hear how mommy and daddy met...you do ok story time" you go on rubbing your belly and talking to your babies about how you and Scott met, your first tornado in your brothers truck, and a few other stories.
"So then mommy and daddy went..." you were interrupted by the door opening, you look up to see Scott and you beam. You look to his hands and see a beautiful bouquet of flowers.
"Hey babygirl" he comes to your bed side and leans down and kisses your lip then hands you the flowers "Scotty these are beautiful thank you so much" you say then kissing him back.
"How are my 3 babies doing" he ask rubbing your belly. You look at him and smile "we are all doing good, watching some McDreamy and telling the twins stories". Scott smiles at that. "So I was thinking about getting you out of the room for a bit to have our date and eat dinner down in the court yard it's nice out. How's that sound?" You look at him and smile "that sounds amazing Scotty Blue" Scott helps you out of bed and into a wheelchair then you are off for your hospital courtyard date!
If you only knew what surprise was waiting for you downstairs!
Once you make it downstairs to the little courtyard you are left speechless with what you see. A beautiful table sitting in the middle of the small garden area covered in fairy lights, the table is candle lit with flowers. "Oh my God Scott you did all this for me" you look to him with tears in your eyes. He smiles down at you leans down and kisses you then whispers "yes I wanted tonight to be special for you"
He gets you to the table and helps you sit, the plates are covered so you don't know what he has ordered, there is also champagne flutes with sparkling cider on both sides of the table.
Scotts across from you and fills your glass with cider "you ready to see what I ordered for dinner" he says with a smile "yes please hospital food is not so good" you laugh. Scott opens the lids and you see a plate of your favorite pasta and your mouth starts to water.
As the 2 of you start to eat and you tell him about your day then ask him about his day and you notice he gets tensed and nervous and you look at him with raised eyebrows. "Baby are you ok your getting really tensed and its kinda freaking me out" you tell him reaching across the table to grab his hand.
"I wasn't working today" Scott blurts out. "If you weren't at work where were you all day then" you ask trying to think the worst, but the longer Scott says nothing the more your thoughts go to the worst. "Scott answer me please if you werent working where we're you for almost 8 hours?" Instead of answering Scott stands up and come over to you.
"This is not how I pictured ever doing this..." Scott says then turns your chair around and gets on one knee "Y/n Y/m/n Owens I never thought I would ever settle down I never really wanted to I was content on chasing storms and being single the rest of my life. Then one night from across a parking lot I heard the most beautiful laugh then saw the most beautiful girl and I knew I loved you then and that love has grown a million times stronger by the day. I can't picture my life without you or our babies. so babygirl will you do my the honor and become Mrs. Miller" Scott opens the ring box and you see the most beautiful ring you have ever seen.
"Yes oh my God Scott yes I'll marry you" you say through tears then grabbed his face and kiss him. You both pull away after a few minutes and he slips the ring on your finger and you are just in awe then it hits you "Scott is this a pink diamond replica of the engagement ring that Princess Diana had" you ask looking at him speechless. "Yes it is baby"
You grab his face again pressing your lips to his in a heated passionate kiss then whisper "I might not be able to have sex but there are plenty of other ways to celebrate me becoming Mrs.Miller" you wink at him "oh really what did you have in mind baby"
"Well come help me shower and I'll show you then we'll move to my bed and ill show you more" you wink silently asking for him to help you get up.
Scott just smiles and takes your hand "well have I ever turned down a shower with the my baby"
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hiiiii your edits are so incredible!!! i've been thinking about trying my hand at video editing do you have any tips?? also how does one source clips lol
hope you're having a good day :)
hi!!!! thank u so much! for sourcing clips, i did it the hard way by downloading full episodes and screen recording the clips i wanted w quicktime which is a lengthy process that takes up a lot of space on ur laptop LOL but i really wanted HD footage and didnt know any other way when i started and now i just have my own little library of clips.
here is a lifesaving site to download eps if u dont wanna/cant torrent. i forget who made it but if someone knows lmk so i can credit!
after i had done all that i discovered that there were these magical things called scene packs that are more popular over on twitter. where u can easily download every buddie scene in s2-4 for example that took me hours to record myself 🤦🏽♂️ i dont really have any specific sources for u bc im not on twitter. sorry ik thats not very helpful LMAO but if u ask around/search for them i know they are out there!
and uhhh as far as tips go here are some things i personally think about while editing! everyone has different styles and methods though:) this got long accidentally so its going under the cut oops
- i like to try and tell a story w my edits so im almost always thinking about that first and foremost. like how can i tie the beginning to the end and have a satisfying climax etc. i try to work with the song and highlight the emotional/tonal shifts in the music with my editing
- on that note, i am very influenced by the music while im editing cause i want my edits to LOOK like how it FEELS when im listening to the song. i think my best example of this is im afraid i love you. the drop in the chorus feels like a punch to the gut everytime and i really wanted to visuals to reflect that so it would be the most powerful. hence: soft lovey dovey looks galore and then BAM! SHOOTING. these comments fills my heart with glee cause it makes me feel like i did a good job capturing the feeling the song gives me.
i also really love the way the beat comes in in the second verse of that song and i made sure to sync up the shots to the beat at that moment instead of the words in order to highlight the musical shift. (i always think about how @ilostyou loves that verse and calls it bouncy, it makes me feel like i achieved my goal!!!!)
- the little details and nitpicky stuff goes a long way! like painstakingly making sure clips hit right on time with the beat/the words if thats ur intention. it may seem like a chore at the time but it definitely pays off for me at least
- i also think a LOT about composition, and how to make edits flow smoothly so that the viewer can follow the story easily. if i have a bunch of faster clips in a row im going to try to make sure the focus stays in the same place so the viewers eyes dont have to jump around to find what they are looking for. its easier to explain w an example so in happy to be here, for these three shots on the word "en-gi-neer" i wanted the order to go frank -> dr salazar -> buck.
because then it goes back to frank for "listening" so i wanted space between when it shows him AND i wanted it to end on buck cause he's the most important. but the original shot of dr. salazar was flipped so at first it looked like this:
and i didn't like how ur eyes had to go back and forth so fast, so i flipped the middle clip. it was much easier to process all three clips in quick succession if the subject didn't move. hope that makes sense!
#LMAO i feel like im so bad at explaining my thought process but lmk if u want any clarification! i rambled oopsies#answered
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Hi, not sure if you remember me, but i sent an ask a while ago saying how i love the Incadescence of a dying light and that i talk about it with my friend and how we both really liked the story and are juts you know discussing it well update to now. we still do that lol. i cant stop thinking about it, i listen to the firewatch OST on the daily, resonating with each track at a time. I love it. I live it. I am enamored. Everytime Im studying Polish (my native language) and revising each epoch for my upcoming finals i cant help but connect themes and motives to that wonderful story of yours. If i land on a fitting topic in my oral final exam (like pop-culture, creativity and arts, certain themes in modern media) you BET Ill be talking about this fic (with all the credit I can give of course!) cause USARWSETDYRVUHUISC I cant get it out of my head. Its such an amazing example of how the media of fanfiction elevates the story to its maximum potential. How knowing the characters makes it so much easier to connect and resonate, even though Mumbo is absent from the majority of the fic, we still feel hurt after finding out whats happened to him. Like, its such an amazing creative medium I love fanfiction and TERSSXEFJNKVCRXSERARXSXERCDJNGIKKDc :thumbsup: oh gosh The Incadescence of a Dying Light. yeah so fun fact i actually had to look up what it means cause i didnt know the word before and oh. oh. oh its so much worse and more painful. really love it, i do, oh i do! I now have acquired (idk how to spell it lul) the never subsiding lust for nature and outdoors and hiking and being a part of it. I love it, you made me regain my love for it. I loved it before, yes, but i was caught up in my own head and had so much stuff i had to do, but now i love to look out my window even more, i love strolling in my garden. i love it. thank you, thank you, thak youuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :thumbsup: So yeah, this fic is one of my faves of all time, i like it a lot, it has inspired me to live more and be alive basically and also. and for the end a fanart of an alternative ending where Mumbo somehow survives and just lives in the forest like a wild animal, living his best life, eating berries (i decided on drawing him eating berries [peace love and plants] instead of chowing down [is chowing a word??] on some rabbit lol) and then grian finds him and its super awkward
HI! Yes, of course I remember you! First of all, had a really wild day yesterday at work, but I read this at soooome point on my phone during the middle of the day and it made me smile :)
This ask is just so??? AAAAAAA???? I almost don't know how to respond, because it's just SO wonderful to hear this about something I created. Like I did that? I made a thing that is sticking deeply with people? I'm just soooo <333333
I like your point about how fanfiction can maximize story potential! I think it'd make a wonderful essay topic honestly. I have thought about this in connection with fanfic a lot--specifically, the divide between original fiction and fanfiction. In original works, you have to make the audience care. You have to introduce me to a character, setting, and story I will be interested in. I've read a lot of negative book reviews that start off with "the author didn't make me care about the characters" (i have also...said this myself about books I ended up not liking.) With fanfic, you skip that step! It lets you jump right in. I don't have to explain Mumbo and Grian's friendship or demonstrate it to you. You just Know. Someone reading it fandom blind would get the implication about how important they are to each other simply by seing the depth of Grian's grief, but for my intended audience, I can do whatever I want because I trust you to already have the background information you need.
The title is from a line I really like in a song (Post Humorous by Gus Dapperton). It just...painted such a nice word picture. Especially for a story about grief death and fire!
I just. Love that this fic helped you regain a desire for nature? That just makes me feel...warm, I guess, to know that I was able to spark that with something I created. I hope it goes well for you, and you get to take many walks. This spring I've been using the trails near my aunt's house (not.....hiking paths. too urban.) much more. I wanted to walk this week but I was too busy lol. I hope you have many wonderful experiences out in the Great Outdoors <3 one of these days, I swear I'll up and move to a place with "better" nature and "real" trails close by.
Also, SKFJSLFJSKFLSJKF your fanart made me laugh so much. I have like. Entertained this idea. Not as an actual or serious part of the story but I was like man wouldn't it just be off-the-wall if he was just vibing Out There 😭😭😭 You've caught the vibe perfectly LOL
this was all around such a special message to hear, thank you SO much!
#fave#save#hc_firewatch_au#quara asks#again <3333333333#i feel like this response doesnt really adequately express how much this ask means to me i'm just really tired sorry <3#i lvoe how many people i've induced firewatch brainrot into slfjsklfj
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hahaha thanks for the mass tag game @ruanbaijie this shall be fun!
aka: nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name
1. why did you choose your url? - no idea, my theories are that i was obsessed with rosario + vampire so i took moka, and since moka is cheery/happy i just bam. i honestly don't know 💀
2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. - i used to have a ton because younger me dabbled in the RP world (lets not remember those times but remember the cool people i befriended) but right now no just this blog and the other blog i help run <3 @otomokatsuhiro (if you love old anime youll immediately follow ;) )
3. how long have you been on tumblr? - since may 2012 😵 (save me)
4. do you have a queue tag? - nah
5. why did you start your blog in the first place? - an old friend of mine told me about it and actually made this blog for me. now thinking about it idk if it was her that came up with the name, if i had a different name to begin with... no clue :s
6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? - its yuki!!! must i explain why?! (plus it matches my vibe here alot of mutuals say im super sweet or a ray of sunshine ((ily it makes me happy everytime i get that hehe)))
7. why did you choose your header? - it just matches the overall pink cute vibe :p
8. what’s your post with the most notes? - still to this day its a 29 frame gif of a phone ending call... here
9. how many mutuals do you have? - i counted at the beginning of the year and i believe i had 108? but now obviously its 108+ :D
10. how many followers do you have? - 17.2k+ x-x
11. how many people do you follow? - 544! i remember at one point i wanted to keep the number limited but thats so stupid!!
12. have you ever made a shitpost? - uhhhh probably when i was younger. i used to constantly post #personal text posts so idunno
13. how often do you use tumblr each day? - help me
14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? - yeah a small amount of times, most would be reposters telling me "no this is my gif i made this! i wont remove this from my blog!" with my watermark clear as day in the corner lol..
15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts - meh it's your blog at the end of the day, if you want to reblog something do it, if you dont dont. it's sad to see most people just like posts but they come from different platforms and fail to realize what kind of site tumblr is. hopefully eventually they will get it tho! amen
16. do you like tag games? - yes! i love that i get tagged in them but also forget alot of the time to ever get to doing them so i apologize for being late on this one hehe
17. do you like ask games? - plsssss i love seeing that notification light up in my inbox. it fills this bloggers heart with joy.
18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? - oh i got a few @gojosattoru (where have you been ;w; </3), @hanae-ichihara (ill always miss you <3), DEFINITELY @taohs hehehe
19. do you have a crush on a mutual? - nope, having a crush on here has never happened for me :p
20. what is the last song you listened to? - charli xcx speed drive EASYFUN remix, its sooo gud
21. what are you currently watching? - the magical girl and evil lieun. are archenemies, fairy tail 100 years quest, maybe some other misc. stuff i cant think of rn.
22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? - all of the above, i love sweet + spicy
23. what is your current relationship status? - single times *salute emoji*
24. what is your current obsession? - SMILING FRIENDDDSSSS asjdiaoshjdajsid
25. what are nine albums/songs you've been listening to lately? - aprils-bloom by julie areyouhome? by juno britpop by A.G. Cook right back by Frost children i like it by Frost children spring is coming with a strawberry in the mouth by Caroline Polachek magic sword by 4s4ki tome by veltpunch 365 by charli xcx
tagging: @taohs @cute-girls-from-vns-anime-manga @oneechangoddess @yuujies @scary-friend @fuwanek0 and others that wanna have fun
#personal#tag game#oooo this one was nice ilike it#its supa long but ive seen longer posts here but ig i can still tag it#long post
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Im just venting because i feel like im gonna go insane if i dont let this out it might not make full sense it but i have to let it out
I understand the importance of the case presented by south africa i really do
But i've been holding back so much on just going insane and loosing my mind at how everything is happening
The fact that after all this this case aims to PROVE that palastinians are facing a genocide then maybe persuade the world to take action only if they successfully convince them its a genocide
Everytime i see palastinians who are trapped in this hell yelling with all thier might to try to be heard to be believed that they are being eradicated
And then i scroll and i see how people need cute summarized graphics of whats happening to kinda understand whats going on
People making quick witty "here's whats happning" 2 min videos
Everytime i see a palastine person mourning in english knowing that they cant even do that in our native language they have to do it in english because maybe that might get people to sympathize
Everytime literal children who saw thier entire family die have to speak in perfect english and give detailed interviews because maybe that might get people to listen
Every single time i see a conversation surrounding the genocide its never actually anything but all of us explaining things yet again and again to people who refuse to open thier eyes and take in information they have to be spoon fed it by palastinians who are suffering right now
I feel like pulling my hair out i feel like gauging my eyes out i fedl like shaking the world and yelling at the top of my lungs maybe they will wake up and realize how fucking stupid they are being
Seeing children women men kids the elderly even the pets and fucking trees being eradicated of the fucking face of the earth and still needing a case to persuade them that *something* is happening im just... Im gonna pull my hair out i cant even discribe what i feel right now this is making me feel fucking insane like JUST FUCKING LOOK AT WHATS HAPPNING LOOK USE YOUR EYES AND STOP WASTING TIME EVERY SECOND WASTED ON TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU SOMTHING IS HAPPENING HUNDREDS OF PALASTINIANS DIE :((((
This was a vent this is not me giving up its nothing we will continue fighting regardless of governments or people what i believe in is a free Palestine from the river to the sea forever. Just needed to let out some steam before i explode
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i wish i could show you the erm the Category dedicated to my uh. 22 discord wips. but unfortunately i cant send images thru anon and also then you get to see what each individual channel is named and a. none of the titles make sense and b. the titles of some of them make them sound WAY WEIRDER than they actually are because no one save for me and one other person were ever supposed to see the working titles and i dont have any ideas on how to change them so ALAS
im like a zoo animal you get to read off all my facts and i get to stare straight into your soul while not a single thought passes through my brain. i need the world to know about my bad discord wip organization
writing is actually about the full year spent turning into a pile of dust,
all worldbuilding!!!! my oc who started as a kleptomaniac prettyboy is now a god with layers upon layers of lore and i dont know what i did but now hes really way worse than he started and i take great pleasure in describing his antics to friends who werent around to see it happen in actual rp. i shudder to think what would happen if i turned that world into a ttrpg he'd be a freak (TEMPTING THOUGH)
there are and i cannot stress this enough TWENTY-TWO INDIVIDUAL CHANNELS and one of them is the OLD snippets channel - yes, i have two, no i cant explain myself - and everytime i think about sifting through it for writing ideas in moments of desperation i feel as though it will grow hands with which to strangle me with and so i dont touch them. they will rot but its better them than me
i may have to pick up those niche ships again because i imagine it feels VERY rewarding and also then you and the other three (3) people who like that ship can sing kumbayah in a circle or whatever
glad the beastly noises comment was a hit! now if youll excuse me i need to sit down at my computer and listen to monkey noises 10 hours while doing bad animal impressions and brainstorming a wip i wont ever complete ,
Weird titles are one of the joys of writing. I wish I could be one of these writers that give wacky names to their wips but unfortunately in this I am terminally boring lmao if it's not descriptive I am Never finding it again
Grabbing you like Steve Irwin showing off a baby alligator to zoo goers. And here is where the Bad Organization Practice goes :) isn't it neat 😌
Give in to the siren's call of ttrpg-ization.....
With rarepairs you either create bonds of steel with the two other miserable fuckers writing with you or a rivalry that gets imprinted into your bloodline. "He would Not fucking say that" but it's the only interpretation you get that isn't your (obviously more correct) own
(statistically I am this for at least one other kaellidan fan. Probably more. I often joke that whoever dislikes my writing is gonna be really mad about how much of me there is in that tag lmao)
#Asks#anonymous#This reply is late because I don't have wifi right now and have been playing the sims to cope#Give me your weirdest titles in progress anon#And give me the prettyboy god PLEASE#Tell me about your OCs. For my health.#It's so cool when you find someone else who goes insane over a rarepair in the same way#Shout out to firoz who's incredibly not normal about Kingdom Hearts in a way that I find relatable and factually superior#Because of the aforementioned lack of wifi I haven't gotten to sit at my computer making beastly noise over monach in a While#But I Feel You
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of would i tolerate your selfish
i dont wanna come down, but i do
feels like trainwreck, worse
thoughts of you, visions, hopes, dreams
cinema the fantasy!
presentism, only senses now matter
eternal sense otherwise
i can understand knowledge now
i can understand her
this is gonna hurt she said, one of those masochist seldoms, something ive accepted for its insanity
And ill let it run its course.
people are selfish,
being selfish has always been the selfless
question how
best of each's bring out best of whole
question why
why not,
does questioning evolution make sense
questioning doesnt make sense
new answers dont make sense
what is even sense, where senses quantum
all language to understand sense
all language to express sense
i was made way by old senses once,
ask i, how can something so primal be so new
shown im, selfishness renewed, its practicality
im crippled, these sensations could end me
well aware iam, inequality and its levels
optimism changes things though!
let sense be selfishness misrepresented
misrepresention be structured myth, fanfic worthy
so explain can thee, the search for significant other
why be with matched selfishness?
selfishness a virtue, new sense may i?
no matter, selfishness be different
my romantic notion, it true
for real
whats mine is yours too
a word here
this might hurt
on the off chance it might be something i yet to know
im all in adventure
be it my end or whatever
i want this, i dont why.
ill listen to knowledge,
know its a trainwreck of a rush
nothing at all,
so be pure intimidation not accustomed to,
reject fear
for know, experience is better without filter
this time the end dont abrupt
no end here
beginning naught
middle?, metaphorical
quantum sense no forget
everything everywhere all at once
i haven't bridged the metaphysical
im scared and im slow
im patient, im savouring it
for now.
'NOW' a vast place to be
a damp that damps for somelong
a void be left, nothing there
come news, i cant get words out
very teenage, very very
no matter promise of whatever grander
can't beat be seen simple, be hold held, grip rip
sense, nevertouching close
know,
true mine romantic notion,
i would tolerate your selfish
all time, everytime
for what me' has, is and will always be you
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***There might be spoilers so be careful***
1. Styles's absence was so noticable i hated it.
2. I'm sorry but I never really liked Allison (only twordes the end, when she and Scott were broken up and she was into Issac) becouse they were both too heroic for me and it was too much... so the fact that the whole movie is about her - it sucked a bit
3. I also didnt understand why Malia's charachter didn't have any growth? She acted ecxactly like she did 15 years ago when she just turned into a human... that's wired and unrealistic in my opinion
4. Malia and Parish. That was so unexpected and I haven't decided what I think of it.
5. listen, I know first love is a big deal and you never forget them. But from never forgetting them to not being with anyone or at least not being able to be with anyone else for real it's too much. It also cancelled the Kira and Malia arcs in the last seasons of the show which I also don't like because I loved Scott with Malia the most (because they were so defferent)
6. It is so in charachter of Mason to become a deputy. LOVED ITTTT
7. Eli has my heart. Sweet baby
8. Who the hell is the new kitzune?? She had a major part in the end but we didn't get any information about her wtf I don't even remember her name.
9. Why Liam wasn't important? It was like the only reason he was there is so the kitzune could be, like he was there only to conect her to the story.
10. Dad Derek is amazing. I LOVED it, him, everything.
11. Which bring me to the next point... WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I really do think, with all my heart, that the end *didn't* have to happen like that and we could've managed without it.
12. I'm sorry but in what world Allison just stays alive... that was so disappointing because her death made them stronger and we felt like they are getting better and more normal in the last seasons and bringing her back to life like nothing happen?! I don't agree with it, I hate it, and it sucks.
13. I forgot how funny Jackson was, everytime he spoke I laughed
14. Lastly, obviously I hate and I'm sad that Styles and Lydia aren't together but I feel like the way they chose to explaine it was good and in charachter. They didn't break up because they stopped loving eachother or because aomething happened, it's because they love eachother and Lydia was scared for his life and wanted to keep him safe. This ship will be the death of me.
So overall I am very conflicted and I dont really know what I think... maybe I cant say that it sucked because the show is 1 of my top 2 fav shows and it will feel like betrayal it if I wont like the movie idk
#teen wolf#teen wolf the movie#scott mccall#allison argent#lydia martin#liam dunbar#malia hale#derek hale#chris argent#sheriff stilinski#styles stilinski#eli hale
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part six of my playlist analysis!!
part 1 <;- part 2 <- part 3 <- part 4 <- part 5 <- BACK TO THE SOUP WITH YEE
la seine - vanessa paradis no fucking clue what theyre saying but lockwood does idk he just knows french i feel it in my bones. he taught lucy the girls part and they sing it together. he didnt tell her wtf it meant hto and i think thats funny.
merry go round of life - nuvo orchestra THEY DANCE TO IT IN THE KITCHEN LATE AT NIGHT WHEN GEORGE IS ASLEEP SO THEY DONT WAKE HIM WAILS SOBS CRIES. father - the front bottoms do i remember lockwoods canon relationship with his late father? no!! have i decided he has daddy issues?? yes!! (other than his dad being. dead. yk) young girl a - siinamota go look up the english lyrics. have fun. :) a match into water - pierce the veil we've seen how protective lockwood is of lucy, now what if someone almost killed her? think about that for a little bit smile. faster car - loving caliber this is about to give some people fucking WHIPLASH. im not even gonna explain this one cuz i wanna see how many people get it. its only sex - car seat headrest this song is just me projecting onto lockwood so im not. gonna vent here LMAOO laugh till i cry - the front bottoms more lockwood being reckless after lucy left? methinks yes. meteor shower - cavetown (i dont support or even like cavetown all that much i just have an emotional attachment to this song dont kill me please) RHHHGHGHGHFH THIS SONG IS SO CUTE ITS SO THEM ITS SO DOMESTIC AND SILLY JUST IMAGINE IF THE PROBLEM DIDNT EXIST AND THEY COULD GO OUT INTO A FIELD AT NIGHT (if they lived somewhere were feilds existed obv) AND LOOK AT THE STAIRS IM ACTIVELY SOBBING. ribs - lorde this song puts me into an immense state of grief everytime i hear it because it has one of those "nostalgia for something that never existed vibes" and i cherish it so dearly for that and it just gives them vibes. it fits their trio so well (i love holly but she doesnt exist yet here). alien blues - vundabar this is self explanatory i think. come a little closer - cage the elephant this one is similar to ribs for me. where is my mind - the pixies soft nighttime vibes reading together before snuggling up and going to bed <33. its ok i wouldnt remember me either - crywank lockwood thinking about death and how much he has to work with death just knowing jess is right there :( its one of those days when he just cant. get out of bed. luce and george always help him through those days, but its still hard.
memento mori - crywank same thing slightly different font. creature - half.alive uhh fuck you [throws religious trauma at lockwood] my alcoholic friends - the dresden dolls angry lockwood, but not anyone in particular, just angry at the system and the way it treats kids. because its a fucking nightmare and i hate the government. two birds - regina spektor owie owie owie norrie and lucy but the one who stayed didnt have a choice :(. i love you so - the walters rrhhfhhfhfhfhd angst angst angst theyre both feeling like their to much so they both start distancing when literally all they want is to be in the others arms but they cant because theyre afraid. goodbye, my danish sweetheart - mitski i love this song sm its so lucy idek why its just. her. cigarettes & feelings - the haunt absolutely locklyle skirting around talking about their feelings for WAYYY to long. perfume - lovejoy ouch lockwood constantly smelling lucys perfume wherever he goes after she leaves, he sees her shadow everywhere, thinks he sees her out of the corner of his eyes, but shes not there. its all futile! its all pointless! - lovejoy lockwood and his suicidal-ness just thinking for to long about how long he has to live and how hard it will all be. ramblings of a lunatic - bears in trees lockwood ranting to lucy late at night with her hands in his hair just listening to him talk about random shit but theyre together so its ok. snakes - mccafferty i have a slight mccafferty problem can you tell? i dont even know it feels like another just 'them talking' song. the house with no doorbell - mccafferty this entire song is so lockwood coded i will die on this hill. drop from our windows - mccafferty same as the last one. fentanyl - mccafferty i dont actually really know for this one i just think its lockwood vibes. water fountain - alec benjamin what lockwood thinks is gonna happen if lucy hangs out with kipps LMAOO. this is sorta a joke but hes genuinely scared that kipps is going to steal her from him. nights like these - pigeon pit another lucy-and-lockwood-are-both-having-breakdowns-and-panic-attacks-but-seperately-wishing-they-could-be-together type beat. little lion man - mumford & sons lockwood thinking about jess -> could also be lockwood thinking about how he drove lucy away after she left. trees II - mccafferty jesus i have a mccafferty problem. 'i need you more than you need me' NO YOU BOTH NEED EACHOTHER AND YOU DONT RELAIZE IT BECAUSE YOURE TOO BUSY BEING SCARED OF OPENING UP TO THE OTHER ONE DAMMIT. twin size mattress - the front bottoms yk i had to. lockwood is an angsty lad we know he aboslutely loves tfb. aesthetic? (more like ass-pathetic) - panuccis pizza lockwood you sad sad little man. internet ruined me - wilbur soot OK I KNOW. WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. but the actual sound of it gives lockwood vibes. not the lyrics but the sound. first love/late spring - mitski this is such a lucy song come ON its so her the whole 'i was so young when i behaved 25'??? literally her. helium - glass animals its just. its so them. also kinda feels like george watching their relationship unfold and being jealus vibes WHICH IS WHY I PROPOSE QPR- [gunshots] https://open.spotify.com/track/2BlDX1yfT0ea5wo0vjCKKa?si=32f77e7933024562 <- link because i dont know japanese!! this!! song!! if you where on anime tiktok at anypoint in time you know it and you know why its here.
1983 - neon trees dancing in the kitchen vibes. little talks - of monsters and men this song makes me so distraught but its another situation with talking to the moon (bruno mars) where its lockwood talking to himself in his room, pretending hes talking to lucy. and the series goes on!! we're more than halfway through tho :D part 7 here we go!!
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cocooooo !!! :)) i was introduced to riize when they first made their ig and it appeared on my feed,, my friend told me about them and i decided to give it a try and stan them and I DO NOT REGRET IT loll the bias life in riize is def hard 😭🫂 when i first saw the members,, SEUNGHAN had caught my eye, i remember seeing him after watching him perform and was like “who’s this fine looking man that can sing,, dance, and is just an all rounder in general” i stayed like that for a good month until i saw EUNSEOK that man istg I LOVE HIMMM our unbothered king (black hair looks so good on him like hello? 😵💫) and then again it stayed like that for a month until I SAW WONBIN AHHHH he makes me wanna scream ,, he’s so talented and is such a good center for riize , he’s literally the full package he serves looks, talent, personality and cuteness what can he not do and ofc everything was going fine until i was on TikTok and i saw this one edit of sungchan and he was in the fit he wore for their talk saxy comeback live,, HIM THERE >>> i be getting nostalgic sometimes seeing him with nct as someone who was an nctzen 😭 BUT LIKE SUNGCHAN i literally love listening to him rap sm IMA NEED SM TO pull up and give ma boy more next comeback so right now that’s how my bias situation is lmaoo (its sungchan rn but idk what the future will hold 😝) and that’s not to say I don’t love the three other members that were mentioned and the other three that weren’t mentioned,, I LITERALLY LOVE THEM ALL just cant pick a bias 😭😔
(IM SO SORRY THIS WAS LONG,, I JUST BE HAVING A LITTLE FUN SOMETIMES WITH RIIZE 😭😭🧡)
MY BAD DASH I DID NOT KNOW I WROTE SO MUCH LEMME ADD A READ MORE 😭😭😭
they definitely hit the instagram algorithm jackpot because tell me why I had friends who weren’t into kpop asking me who wonbin and seunghan were 😭 but so real! I don’t regret it either hehe I just adore them seriously!! but don’t worry picking a bias is so hard like I don’t see how you can atp 😭 they’re all amazing and deserve the world (sm needs to burn and I’ll do if I have to!) SEUNGHAN IS SO GORGEOUS HE FR FR CAUGHT MY EYE TOO LIKE SIR YOU ARE ACTUALLY VERY GORGEOUS AND BEAUTIFUL AND CAN SING AND DANCE???!!! completely get it and im TOTALLY normal about him……🧍🏻♂️I AM SO GLAD YOU SAID THAT BECAUSE EUNSEOK WITH BLACK HAIR IS MY FAVORITE EUNSEOK AND HE NEEDS TO KEEP IT BLACK ALWAYS BECAUSE OMFG I need to bite him. I can’t explain it but I seriously need to. The way I felt every emotion you went through too 😭😭 wonbin has me in a chokehold at the moment because he’s just so my boy yk like and he is a star boy and I am such a star enthusiast and I actually did not know he had a thing for stars for a while so when he caught my eye I was super surprised and then I learned about his star interest and (this may sound insane) but I felt like the moon and stars were fr leading me to him like 😭😭 ik that sounds crazy but I seriously did feel like he was meant to be my bias or like just an idol I enjoy yk? Sungchan and I need to fight because one why are you so tall and two why are you so tall and talented and a literal 10/10 like leave something or anything for the rest of us PLEASE! I COMPLETELY GET THE NOSTALGIA PART WITH SUNGTARO IT KILLS ME ESPECIALLY IDK IF YOU SAW BUT IN THEIR LITTLE BEHIND VLOGS WHEN HE IS LIKE “I used to come here alone and always wished to come with a group, and now I can do that so I’m happy” I actually cried so bad because him and shotaro deserve it like I am so freaking happy to see them here in a fixed group with people who love them and deserve it just as much 🥹 atm ig as an update I am just going to consider myself OT7 because I can’t pick a bias to save my life 😭 wonbin and anton have a chokehold on me but I’d fold for eunseok and sungtaro will always be my babies no matter what and sohee + seunghan get me everytime so I just can’t pick atm 😞 but maybe in the future one will slip through the cracks and be my bias 😭 but seriously ITS HARD TO PICK ONE 😭 I need to burn sm down though especially with the way they’ve been treating seunghan lately like that recent riize and realize episode? oh that pissed me off BAD! sm needs to burn ! ALSO DONT APOLOGIZE I LOVE TALKING ABOUT RIIZE ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I DONT KNOW MANY PEOPLE WHO STAN THEM HERE ON TUMBLES SO I LOVE HAVING SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THEM 🥺🤍
#literally thank you for indulging in them with me 😭#I love talking about them so much they’re just so my babies 😞#and I know know many briize on here hehe so it’s nice!!#I apologize for how late I replied to this!!#but please keep coming and talking to me about them!! I love it 😁🙏#💬.direct message?!#mooties !
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I miss you
I just want you to know that I miss you, contrary to that I dont intend to send this letter to you.
I loathe myself for deciding to stay away from you, but its the only way for me to recover.
I cant sleep. I miss you.
I miss you.
There’s no day in my life that I don’t reminisce the moments we shared however short they were.
There’s no way I’m not crying everytime I remember hugged and kiss me at the parking lot.
I don’t understand. I miss you.
I miss you.
When I look at anything, the pillow, the electric fan, the stairs, the shoes, everything reminds me of you.
When I listen to any song, watch any movie, all I can ever think about is you. No one just you.
I can’t stand it. I miss you.
I miss you.
I’ll miss how you modulate your voice when you explain with all conviction. I’ll miss your quick-witted jokes about everything I say.
I’ll miss when you smell my hair, you’ll say it smells nice when I know I absorbed all the samgyup scent in the world.
I don’t know anymore. I miss you.
I miss you
I miss the comfortable quiet car rides when I don’t know what to talk about and you’ll shout belting Regine Velasquez songs.
I miss the intensive casino business model lectures that I can’t comprehend up until now. Most of all, I miss the way you make me feel.
I miss you. I just miss you but I can’t tell it to you.
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So my day started out well i started with self love affirmations which ive been doing for the past 2 days starting off with a spiritual bath and i must admit it has mad quite a difference im excited to see how this will help me i didnt realise how much i truly needed self love i honestly thought i was such a confident person but im starting to realize how harsh iand negative i can be and im starting to see exactly why all these bitches are jealous of me especially the ones that i work with ive never really had a hard time with making friends but ever since me & T broke but damn did it do a number on me.. Getting cheated the first time was just traumatic & left me with anxiety but having such a strong support system and going to the gym almost like everday and letting it out really helped but this break up just left me completely distraught and just made me not want to live life anymore and isolate myself & i didnt realize how it was affecting all my relationships with my friends my family and co workers like damn this narcissistic gas lighting bitch sucked my fucking soul like end all be all and not a single person there to pick up my pieces my like damn had to get myself out of this shit and i feel powerful as fuck never will i let anyone tear me down like that again LESSON LEARNT: Never settle for less. Took 2 years of my life to realize that but hey it coulda been worse.. still trying to see the positivity in this lol coulda gotten married to this bitch ass but thank god he really had to take me off this path this person refused to understand me & the lesson i learnt was that im not for everybody i am simply a Diving Feminine and we aint for everybody if people dont get u then dont waste your time arguing or explaining yourself cause the right people to get you like how did i become so lost and desperate? i just really wanted him to see me for me i just really wanted to make my family happy .. & he wanted to make his the only difference was im not what his family wanted and u know what thats their loss because as soon as i came out i was told i was going to be a motherfuckin champion it truly is his loss lol he fucked up big time and his family is a peice of shit if they really loved him they would want him to be happy but i guess whats what he deserves OH WELL now i see why they dont want the best for him he deserves exactly that shit even the lord dont want the best for him but me i am truly blessed and protected so thank you Jesus!
Going thru that experience really left me feeling emptier then even it felt like people could also see right thru me it left my fuckin boundaries all over the place i allowed people to step all over me cause i constantly thought i was the problem but now im starting to see i was never the problem its this cruel ass world no matter how nice u are to people or how much u just want to help them because u truly see what the can become and u see their potential it doesnt mean that their going to follow that exact path that u want for them it means giving up control letting people have their own experiences and im just trying to be comfortable with that like hey you wanna go fuck up your life go ahead like who am i to control u not like i got super powers cause if i did bruh. People are wylin & then godforbid i wanna do something for myself then they got a problem like what? are yall on. For example Victoria shes so far up my ass but yet cant even be there for me when i need her like bitch step aside and all day at work today she was so sad like what are u sad for... what happend to that advice that u give everytime "Dont Care" like lets see u do that now you dumbass u look fuckin stupid i have completely lost my respect for her like she looks for pathetic how dare she tell me not to care when i share my feelings with her like hows that going for you? keep ur bitch ass advice to yourself the only reason i ever listened to her was cause i actually respected her i thought she was someone i wanted to be like fuck no! i am so much better then her im better then any of these people how dare they show my any fuckin attitude ever like put some motherfuckin respect on my name or get the fuck out of my face and my energy aura cause i aint for everybody you wanna be around me? show some fuckin respect or get the fuck out because i value myself and my opinions and i can find people who do do i dont need you bitch ass people clearly YOU NEED ME like these people need to realise they need me at the end of the day so show respect or get the fuck out. Even will came in with some wack ass attitude but the second i refused to acknowledge him this nigga really started sucking my dick like are you for real why do i need to be rude like is that what turns you people on like is this why im working in this type of environment to learn that i just need to stay away from people who dont respect my energy why because you people cant do the work and become great like me??? ive done the work ive done the time ive earned to be where the fuck i am and if maybe yall put in the work you guys would be on my level but u aint thats why you bitches are so fuckin miserable and just focused on me unfortunatly thats what comes with the fame and i aint leveling down for no fucking body i came a long fuckin way and i deserve this shit put my crown on again & im knock it off * & this bitch shan like i thought she was the nicest girl ever bitch HAD the audacity to show me attitude like girl do u know who ur dealing with ur 20 nothing its actually cute and laughable because she looks like that character from ice age she thinks shes really doing something i cant with these hoes thinking they affect like.. like bruh this is my partime job lol this is your lifetimes career ofcourse u going to be mad lol stay mad cause what im winning? so u think showing me attitude gonna do something um no it just shows me that ur a terrible person ur disgusting and fuckin ugly i was just being nice and now that youve shown ur true colors i no longer need to loook go crawl back in ur dark cave u hoeeeeeeeeeee.. anyways ill be back for more updates byeeee
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Ok i'm gonna complain now
Long vent(?) kinda stuff under the cut and an instance of a near death experience close to the end (with a separate warning)
For those who don't know what maladaptive daydreaming (or MaDD) is: Its sort of like an addiction to daydreaming as a coping mechanism, or at least that's how i view it. It often comes with an "urge" to stop whatever your doing to daydream and becoming frustrated when you cannot or are interrupted during the process.
And its a real fucking pain the ass because unlike any other addiction, its physically impossible to distance yourself from the source! Because the source is YOU. So no matter what i do i cant get away from the urge to get up and daydream. Even worse is the repetitive movements, now not everyone experiences that but personally whenever i daydream i typically feel the urge to jump and pace around. Often to the point my feet burn or I stub my toe or bump some other part of my body. But i still keep going anyways. I cant even listen to music normally anymore because my taste in music is "can i daydream to this?" and its actually fucking horrible. I will literally hate a song until i find a way to daydream to it and get lost in my head for hours potentially. It feels like all my time just gets consumed by the daydreaming, and by the time i snap myself out of it to do something for myself its already time to a major task or just straight up bedtime.
Hell even if i do get myself playing a game or watching something it is still incredibly difficult to not just get up and daydream every 5 goddam minutes.
Intrusive daydreams also suck, mainly the sexual ones that force themselves in or just flat out gross ones. Which is made worse by the hyperphantasia (translation: really good imagination). Continuing on the intrusive daydreams, it makes any exposure to horror an awful experience after the fact. Because i keep visualizing things that are not there and it almost feels like it borders on hallucinations. Especially when I was younger and had been recently exposed to Fnaf. It gave me terrible insomnia for several years of my life and lead to being me terrified of the dark to the point of being paralyzed in a chair, because there were two dark scary windows near me that i didn't dare keep my eyes off of.
And of course the autism + executive dysfunction & depression make for the ultimate dream team of procrastination when paired with MaDD. Then when i went into therapy and tried to explain it nobody fucking understood it. It just feels like it was brushed off, not even because the people who i was seeing were bad. It was like they didn't fully understand what i was trying to say! Oh god and the worst part? I cant fucking be there, i cant be in that world thats been with me for years. I cant be my paraself, I cant fucking go there and I want to cry everytime i think about it.
Near death tw
Pretty sure its nearly killed me a couple times even, I usually daydreamed on my way home from school on my bike and nearly veered into traffic several times.
That was alot holy shit gonna hide that under a readmore...
I should complain about maladaptive daydreaming at some point
#sinful rambles#vent-ish?#long vent#maladaptive daydreaming#this was sitting in my drafts for a while oops
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