#I CANT EVEN PRETEND IM NORMAL ABOUT THIS
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HELLO ARCANE FANDOM HOW ARE WE FEELING THIS FINE MORNING
#I KNEW IT#I FELT IT DEEP WITHIN ME#YET IM STILL SOBBING LIKE A BITCH#THIS SHOW IS GONNA KILL ME#I FUCKING HATE IT#GOD FUCKING DAMMIT#I CANT EVEN PRETEND IM NORMAL ABOUT THIS#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane netflix#vi arcane#caitvi#caitlyn arcane#caitlyn kiramman#vi#arcane vi#jinx arcane
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And I just have to tell you that I
Love you so much these days,
#homestuck#dirk strider#bgd#brain ghost dirk#jake english#dirkjake#hs2#homestuck^2#homestuck 2#hsbc#homestuck beyond canon#homestuck epilogues#candy epilogue#admin draws#fanart#i cant even pretend im normal about my own art or this song im sorry#im tryna think of something to say abour this and i keep thinking about the lyrics and i GRGRHHHHFHFJG#i dunno man. i love plastic beach. i cant say anything here that is not gallbladder-achingly cheesy#but just. i dont know.#jake keeping a little bit of dirk in his heart all those years. even if bgd is 'all' jake hes still in the memory he carries#when i listen i find myself stuck between which singer/verse should be jake and which should be dirk. but the answer is simple#theyre both both.#jake thinks hes the one singing abour getting abandoned. but really hes the one losing himself in the substance#and dirk. dirk is the one watching him lose himself. but since hes just a part of jake. yeah.#'i have to tell you that i love you so much these days' both as something jake is saying to dirk and what jake wishes dirk was there to say#hes so alone in that reality. even if he might not admit and go so far as to imagine dirk saying it. its something that deep down#he aches to hear. the man who has deemed himself unlovable and incapable of love. he still wants to hear it despite himself#he still wants to say it despite nnot being able to bring himself to even process that emotion#sigh. see what happens. i cant talk aboht it bc a single line turns intoTHIS
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THEYRE FUCKING INSANE FOR THIS
#our flag means death#ofmd#OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD#IM SO FUCKING INSANE ABOUT THIS I CANT EVEN PRETEND TO BE NORMAL
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ive been unhealthily fixated on kubosai for the past few weeks, i just have no idea how to put it into words. kuboyasu aren and saiki kusuo are in love btw
#they are.#been thinking a lot about t*rusai and k*bosai and all three of them together#(really long rant in these tags that shouldve been a rant post but im not changing it soz i got carried away LMAO->)#see the thing is that k*bosai is my absolute favorite ship ever. but i get genuinely pissed when people smack talk t*rusai#idk like i get why people wouldnt ship kbs and i really dont care. and i also get that a lot of people have differing opinions and-#wont ship trsai. i honestly cant wrap my head around why (other than people who just hate teruhashi and are misogynistic) but im okay with-#agreeing to disagree and i dont care yk??#but people so often make these long discussion posts just yapping and yapping and making up shit about how trsa 'wouldnt work'#and its always just... actual complete bullshit. like unreadable word vomit.#sorry. but its true.#thats why it gets me so mad#i cant think of a single reason why you would feel the need to do that#why cant you be normal and just. not like a ship. just dont like it. hate it even. but dont make up shit just to shit on it#its so dumb i have to force myself to just scroll past them every time i encounter one#usually on tiktok or tumblr#if i read them i wont be able to stop myself from making the most concerned and upset noises ever cuz what is actually wrong with you#theyre always the biggest dumbest stretches ever and they ignore their actual development and pretend it didnt happen#it just makes me wonder why people are so okay with making fun of that ship but get mad if anyone even dislikes theirs#and then they complain about people 'shitting on their opinion'#LIKE ?? NOBODY CARES THAT U HATE THE SHIP. I CERTAINLY DONT GAF.#but ur in the main tags advertising ur hatred for it and sounding stupid as shit for no reason? UR SHITTING ON PEOPLES SHIP ON PURPOSE#AND THEN GETTING MAD AT ANYONE WHO EVEN SAYS 'i disagree actually' IM LAUGHING SO HARD STOP IM KILLING MYSELF#the one time i ever talked in that much detail about why i disliked a ship was bevause somebody specifically asked me#and yk what ?? i have literally gotten death threats over it. im not allowed to hate that ship but everyone else can do whatever i guess#okay sorry. rant over.#is that controversial i cant tell. i dont really care and im not tagging anyway#meows post
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PSSSST 2 for the writer question meme
2. How does their race play into the design? Was it a conscious choice because of the racial features or did you simply enjoy the playstyle or lore?
Sooo Strike is a drow and when I made him one i admittedly had no idea about most of DnD and drow in general, I was just making my favorite OC to see what he'd look like in bg3 lol, it's why he doesn't really look like a drow or other drow ingame
BUT after getting way too into the Bhaalspawn stuff and bg3 lore and everything, I can confidently say that I found excuses reasons for why Bhaal would've made him that way.
the drow are considered a 'scary' race, Bhaal would've wanted that for his child, and they're kind of like... a degradation of a 'noble' race of elves? At least they're considered as such, they give off the high and mighty vibe and can do everything elves can but they're also considered lesser than surface dwellers.
They have a fucked up culture that's centered around an evil god(ess), but one that is not Bhaal. Strike could therefore relate to them but only from afar as they would've never accepted him as one of their own, which leads me to my next point
Isolation. That comes in two ways; one because people who aren't that familiar with elves and drow see a drow and assume the worst, so noone in their right mind would want to associate with him if they knew (Strike has to roll a persuasion check whenever he meets someone new and tells them that he's actually an elf), but because he doesn't fully look like a drow, everyone who does know them better will get this awful uncanny valley feeling about him. Like something is wrong but you can't really point it out, you know?
and another important thing is that Strike is a cis man, which puts him at the very bottom of social hierarchy of the lowest rank of an elf. Drow men are basically slaves and are treated as such, which means that his entire life he was constantly aware that without Bhaal and the title of being his scion, he would still, always, be a slave.
So yeah essentially me not knowing how drow work or look turned out really well because Bhaal is just enough of a bitch that I could totally see him make a mismatch of a person who will never be able to fit anywhere and whom noone will respect unless if he uses his Father's name and power to assert himself, but in any case, he created someone who will be unable to relate to anyone and find any other home outside of the temple.
#lmao sorry for the ramble im very excited about this#i mentioned it in unsaved but to Astarion he was giving off hell of uncanny vibes when they first met#he CAN pretend to be an elf but his eyes being blacked out on the sides he can only explain with potential tiefling ancestry#which also immediately makes him lesser than in most people's eyes#basically just a guy who could never live a normal life even if he tried to#love the bhaalspawn stuff so much you cant even imagine#answered asks#bg3 durge#oc strike#strike lore#the dark urge#bg3
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WOAH, HE'S BIGENDER? I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!
#hey. hey. im just saying. he LITERALLY 'transed his gender' in a diagetic bit in orange. and if that wasnt enough.#in blue he disguised himself as squid jenny specifically with larry's powers (the only thing hes done with them on screen)#got caught by his god-assigned roles-obsessed caretaker. and was given the label of being something intrinsically unescapably deceitful.#while 'pretending' to be trans girl.#like. if i wasnt pretty sure it was all an accident i might even call the allegory here slightly heavy-handed.#with the nccts emphasizing a theme of 'youre not just what people say you are#you can be more than one thing at the same time' with crim#i think crimson can have boygirl swag. some bigender pizzazz. i think he deserves it.#is it REALLY a cpu kerfuffle arc without a subversive narratively relevant gender-transing.#am i supposed to believe the spirit of deviance himself is cis? get fucking real. grow up. /silly#also a lil crimtoinette in there. just for flavor. because i cant help myself.#also sidenote the nccts have given him this cute lil tendency#to tip his hat down to hide his face when hes trying to be Genuine or Thoughtful or Poignant. and i enjoy that little touch#i maybe like this guy a little too much. hes most of what ive drawn for months.#but what do you want from me. i read him as a queercoded villain deconstructed at the metanarrative level.#am i just supposed to be normal about that.#me and zia talked about this in dms and discovered. we came to a lot of the same conclusions. completely independently. lmao#cpuk crimson
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at the point of coming up with fic ideas where i don't know if they make any sense at all or are just the fever dream results of writing under the influence (horny)
#heres this concept im hashing out rn.#fledgling daniel. deadbeat maker armand. first meeting like two years after daniel's turning#and they are both so fucked up and angry about each other that they cant do it normally#so armand rocks up playing rashid#and it kind of acts as a buffer to allow them to interact again without like#being themselves#and then they probably fuck crazy style i mean what else are they gonna do#armand de mentalillness i mean what do u want that man to do?? apologise???#no! he will be your perfect sub and let you pretend to drain him for the evening tho
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who is william
Call me old fashioned but i was raised to serve my husband. i clean the dishes and cook him food. i do whatever he says because he is my husband and he makes the rules around the house. he owns me. if he ever cheats on me it's because i was lacking.
#WHY IS THIS MIKU SO FREAKY#hi xan#im sorry brother i cant even pretend to act normal about him anymore#we adopted a son btw#and are raising him in Naple Valley#(The United States of America)
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The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.
#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there#im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold#at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire#theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade#of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about#the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc#its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a#metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm#just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long#sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone#its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it#everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much#damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i#collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells#me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my#wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im#excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it#feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun#is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's#what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy#but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire#unrelated#hm i should maybe add a tw to this#tw self injury#but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life#but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it
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its quite something when ur psychosomatic pain is so intense u think ure about to die in the subway. especially when ure alone and its night and u still got an hour to go until ure home and can start pain management. it humbles u.
#last night was easily top 5 pain ive ever felt lol and its shit when i cant get home quickly to lie down#instead i just had to sit with it and pretend like im a normal subway passenger whos definitely not about to cry and or throw up from pain#👍👍👍#sucks especially bc i had such a good day it was so fun and i actually enjoyed meeting new people and talking and yeah#probably bc i didn't eat properly + sat on the ground for hours + it was quite cold at the end . body said fuck u for all that bitch#couldnt even finish my döner when it started im so mad that was such a good döner
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yada yada happy halloween to these FREAKS (and you guys :3 and myself i gusss :3) doodle from art class that i GUESS could be considered halloween...... idk ok idk ok something was up with me when i drew this
#look killer would like being praised more but to be fair since when has anyone been truly canon with him#to make myself not tweak out i can just pretend this is my fanon#i mean like mtt to me is the epitome of finding slight comfort in suffering when theyre not beating eachother up#dust and horror are affirming killer's terrible thoughts about himself!! how sweet :3 <3 theyre so made for eachother#horror looks like he has a second eye but dont be fooled i just didnt shade that in#i NEED to lock in on that animation. i dont think i have any homework today#i just have a short worksheet and then i'm good to draw i really should really really should im so sorry#disappointed in myself smh more than any of YOU ever will be#originally this was gonna be them in their halloween costumes looking down but then i was like#wait i dont wanna draw killer so ierased him and then just put horror and dust in their normal outfits bc i liked it#and i was like hold up hold up i gotta include killer somehow. SOMEHOW.and then this is the resuly#listen these guys dont freak around but they do various other things that are almost just as freaky as sex#that was more of a side blog thought triglycercule. i know. i will elaborate more there i guess#i ate so much candy today!!! and i didnt even go trick or treating!!!!!#theyre so smitted and enamoured with eachother :333 i love that for them#theyre so cannibalism core. theyre so if i cant have you nobody can core. theyre not soulmates but instead eachothers curse. theyre so UGH#only the murder time trio can match the other 2's freaks i fear nobody else can#its either less crazy or more crazy and these 3 are the perfect amount of balanced to even the other 2 out#i love that one kist animatic that that one really cool twitter kist artist drew#i know theres probably a really good horrordust animatic out there somewhere 2#WHERES THE HORRORKILLER ANIMATIC HUH!!!! WHERE!!!!!!!#horrorkiller once again left out of the trio duo ships......... this is biased i fear#people just hate to see unhealthy bitched unhealthy smh. they can handle toxic kist but they cant handle toxic hrkl???? BLASPHEMY#triglycercule's rambling again (like a dementia patient) i should get to work#i found my first ever sand au fan out in the wild today. this is a moment in history i fear#i will never find another sans au fan in the world until i pass 30 years of age and im sad but whatever#i cant wait to get a job so i can start ordering stickers of my trio#i cant WAIT to get a pinmaker one day and start my very own mtt ita bag#i want a pinmaker so bad god. just so i can staple their faces all over#tricule rant
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my psychiatrist was trying to explain that a lot of my depression and anxiety probably stems from my trying to force myself into a (neurotypical/allistic) mold that i wasn't made for and that it's nothing to be ashamed of and she listed elon musk and bill gates as my fellow autists and that made me cry harder
#mia.txt#i wasnt like crying bc i was diagnosed with ASD it was more just crying cause i cry all the time now and it was a cathartic session#oh i forgot to mention it but god i cant even describe the weird feeling of being told im actually autistic (UNPROMPTED)#after like. wondering for so many years but being too scared to bring it up to any psychiatrist#so i was just like well maybe i am or maybe i just have adhd. thats ok im not too worried about it :)#and then i was just like talking about my sensory issues being exacerbated by my meds#and then she started asking me more questions abt my sensory issues and social problems and then she pointed out that i#had been rocking back and forth the entire time. which i genuinely dont even notice anymore like i was like oh shit i sure am doing that#and she basically went through the whole questionnaire and was like has no one really ever brought up the possibility that you were#on the spectrum. because you definitely are#and i was like 🤷🏻♀️ idk! im not sure#but it was probably pretty damning that the one other time i had gotten tested he literally gave up bc the questions were too vague#oh but anyway like no that doesnt help actually 😔#i really don't think its shame-based like i KNOW im Different(TM) thats not shocking to me#but i do expend an insane amount of mental and emotional energy trying to be Normal and pretend i am not autistic#the masking that is causing me so much stress is the very thing that prevented me from being diagnosed earlier lmfaooo
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she snorts cocaine at dinner parties in beverley hills
she goes to church every sunday and has a repressed sapphic crush on her best friend
nevertheless they are as close as can be
#text post#ive had the idea for this post in my head for the longest time#barbie#dolls#i just love how midge's original face was such an overcorrection for the problems parents had to the original barbie#they thought she was just such a hussy w her makeup and lashes and BOOOOOOBS#(and she was! so? she served cunt!)#so they had to make midge as down-to-earth girl-next-door-looking as possible#in order to sorta. let ppl get over it#and it's amazing how ppl reused the 'they look like sluts' thing w bratz dolls in the early 2000s#i even hear some ppl say now that they think the bratz are too 'mature' looking bc of their makeup and facial expressions#they PRETEND it's about the clothes but honestly they wouldn't have a problem w a less sleepy-eyed doll wearing most of those clothes#bratz wore crop tops from time to time in the original run but they really weren't dressing in any other way ppl often found objectionable#they just think the face is too 'sexy'#and i mean i get not liking the way the bratz faces look. if they creep u out or just arent ur style#u know what doll brand i just really hate the faces of and cannot get past no matter what? rainbow high#god those things are fucking freaky to look at with their fish eyes. im sorry to the fans i just cant join u. the faces put me off too much#there's nothing wrong w not liking the way a doll looks. u just shouldn't moralize it or sexualize children's hobbies#bc the children aren't looking at them that way#sorry this turned into a rant i can literally never be normal about dolls#i love original midge btw this is not a hate post. we stan midge
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sometimes..so.etimes they change something even after the premiere. sp you appear and watch an entirely new and prolonged monologue. and it's like. FUCK YEAH.
#me showing up at the theatre: be normal be normal be normal be normal be no#me realising they added some things and it adds a lot of characerisation: BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL!!!!!#(misson failed but at least i was Quiet lmao)#the fun thing about seeing this several times tho is that by now ive stopped trying to figure out the plot#bc i Know the plot by now and i can speak along to a decent portion of lines#so now i focus not on what they mean but what exactly they say in any moment#i notice all the small irrelevant lines that still add so much to the characters voices and dynamics#its sooooo fun#and sometimes its also just really funny#'hell do good' 'didnt you just talk to him? the fuck he will. that man cant even pretend to have any self control'#i mean she was RIGHT#my man is out here being such a miserable little fuck being dramatic about his problems#if he could get a grip on himself for like five minutes everyone could have lived! idiot <3#AND THE OTHER GUY#if you had just KEPT AWAY instead of Walking Up To Your Murderer and distracred them for like. a few minutes longer IT WOULD ZAVE WORKED#like yeah youd still be dead BUT THAT WAS THE POINT WASNT IT#LIKE THIS YOU JUST DIED FOE NOTHING#YOUE BUDDY DIES TOO BC YOU GOT YOURSELF MURDERED TOO SOON. idiot#ill be honest. if they had kissed (and if youd seen rhe way they LOOK at each other) things might have actually gone well#im convinced of this#i have Textual Evidence#anyway. i should read the og play and find out if its the play or just the actors#like do the characters actually constantly refer to each other as 'my [name/title]' or did the theatre make it even gayer themselves#ik the actors are doing it on purpose anyway. that is Not coincidence#a biscuit's rambles
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there's no such thing as "me," now / as hard as you look, nowhere to be found / i can't remember a single role i was suited for - lyrics from dramaturgy by eve
#i am so normal about dramaturgy and persona 5 you want to stick your fingers into my cage so bad#im making a venn diagram of them in my head#like#ive been trying to gather my thoughts about it for a while but i cant get passed just#"both kurukuru (dramaturgy protag) and joker switch between masks and are trapped on a metaphorical/literal stage#the stage for kuru being a literal stage in a play but for joker/the PT the stage is life in general#and them having to put on masks when talking to others (even though yeah like when awakening to a persona you discard that “mask” but irl#when not in the metaverse people#cant be genuine all the time hence the need for the “mask”)#and the whole mask thing is really obvious with joker since#thats literally his whole thing#like. “i'm a shapeshifter” “please dont take off my mask my place to hide/revealing dark”#anyways going back to dramaturgy the lyrics “i dont want to think about it / id much rather play the idiot”#like. joker plays the fool while talking to akechi#and maruki and shit#knowing full well who they truely are#← GUY WHO IS PRETENDING TO BE SMART BECAUSE HE READ A WIKI ARTICLE ABOUT PSYCHOLOGY ONCE#anyways all of that means literally nothing so you can callme stupid in the tags if youd like#that was just the mental illness in written form#IN CONCLUSION DRAMATURGY AND PERSONA 5 ARE THE SAME THING GOODBYE#my post 🔮#my art 💫#digital art#artists on tumblr#persona 5#joker persona 5#persona 5 fanart#persona 5 protagonist#joker p5#ren amamiya
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have discovered a new enemy while doing research for the honours essay. why are you pretending to understand psychology and BLATANTLY misinterpreting actual terms and concepts in order to tear down a movie aimed at teenage girls, my good bitch. i'm going to start biting
#you got the WRONG BITCH bc you just hit on two of my biggest interests (zombie movies and psychology) at once#FIRST of all. you dont have the credentials to be talking abt this and it shows bc why dont you know what psychotic means!!#simple shit!! you want to pretend you know psychology dont fuck up psychopathology psychopathy and psychosis! all different things!#you can BARELY conceive of narcissism. a one off joke about how a character recognizes his flaws and wishes he was respected more#is NOT proof to label someone as a fucking narcissist oh my god. id actually argue the complete opposite#you are accusing A Zombie of being abusive based on (checks notes) being scary looking eating brains and /protecting a girl/#bc uhhhhhhh smth smth dark triad smth smth twi/ight#last time i checked thats literally just fucking normal ass zombie shit + him being NICE!!#its not male gaze 'ocular aggression' bestie he cant blink. hes dead.#talking about how the zombie is unrepentantly creepy when he Literally worries about coming off as creepy In The Movie out loud#SECONDLY to circle back why are you so stressed about twilight. thats not even the subject of the chapter#(there are good critiques of those movies but this is not that)#your book came out in 2015 why were you still shitting your pants and crying that girls were having fun 3yrs ago at the EARLIEST#reaching so fucking hard to 'um ackshewally [thing that teenage girls like] bad' im shocked you didnt throw your fuckin back out#your arguments are nonsensical your positions reveal an alarming level of sexism and you should be ashamed#levi.txt#believe it or not im having fun rn. im funny complaining not angry complaining#w@rm b0dies isnt a Good movie but i will go to bat for it actually. let teenage girls have fun garbage#god knows adult men have enough of their own to choose from ESP in this genre#and its a movie that has a lot of interesting shit someone could analyze!! im focusing on it as a representation of changing feminism#but id love to see a reading of its portrayal of zombiehood as disability + its cure narrative#or critiquing how it writes its female characters bc admittedly theyre bad ngl#or on how survival is represented in comparison to films like zomb!e/and (which i also love) where you 'earn' survival with competence!#genuinely there is even smth to be said for the problematic nature of the brain eating element. id be intrigued by that paper#i dont think its much worse than the play the movie is based on? but its not nothing#it Is ultimately a little bit fucked up and i dont think the movie explores it enough#but noooooo we gotta talk about how the zombie is a narcissistic abuser bc of the brain eating. ok
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