#I CANNOT POSSIBLY FILTER EVERY SINGLE ONE

[labyrynth]

i am begging all “x reader” writers to use a universal tag.

as in, a tag that is not specific to a single fandom or, god forbid, a single character within that fandom.

that could be “x reader” or “character x reader” or “reader insert” or something else entirely

i am glad you are having fun! it is unfortunately Not My Thing, however, and i would really like to be able to traverse the main tags without having to manually blacklist every possible iteration of [character] x reader just to avoid it

[stargabs]

Per Audacia Ad Astra

[uncivilliberties]

>unfairly banned

>checks internet archive of her blog

>99% of the posts are completely unlabeled pornographic text and fantasies, not even a tag

>checks tumblr guidelines:

"Nudity and other kinds of adult material are generally welcome. We’re not here to judge your art, we just ask that you add a Community Label to your mature content so that people can choose to filter it out of their Dashboard if they prefer. You have the option to add a community label when making a new post, reblogging a post, or editing an existing post. Depending on your content, you can label it as generally mature or choose a specific category such as “Sexual Themes” if your post contains sexually suggestive subject matter."

if you actually give a shit about transfems who are getting harassed left and right then stop martyring people who are getting banned for not labeling NSFW content they post.

and god before anyone tries to have a fit and accuse me of some bullshit, i do not have anything against NSFW, i'm not a puritan asshole, what i DO have an issue with is people posting sexual content without any content labels (yet alone tags) meaning people who don't want to see that content can end up getting exposed to it anyway, even if they've taken the time to filter tags.

What are you fucking talking about? 99%? She posted about music and chatted with friends and made shitposts. It would take an extremely bad faith reading of her blog to find out uniquely objectionable UNLESS you were already inclined to find trans women's existence inherently sexual.

In your reply to this post you accuse her of constantly posting about her kinks and fetishes, helpfully including a link to the Internet archive. Let's take a look, hmmm? Wow, that's a lot of posts about music. In the limited snapshot available at that link I see one (1) masturbation joke that wouldn't even be a blip on the radar if this were anyone else's blog, a goofy ask about breasts that she answered in kind, and a couple of references to being a deergirl. Oh, I see what you mean. The crazy thing about this is that it took one single word to turn it horny. She could have said deer and not deergirl. You absolute dipshit.

"I'm not a puritan asshole, I just wear puritan asshole pants and a big puritan asshole hat and shout puritan asshole bullshit." Even if there was NSFW material somewhere in her history it would still be the thinnest possible excuse for banning her. It would still be blatant selective application of the terms of service weaponized against trans existence. Do we really need a community label on every single dick joke on this site to keep the children safe from harm? Cis people get to make dick jokes with impunity!

"People who don't want to see that content can end up getting exposed to it anyway" This is not the foundation for any sort of moral imperative! This cannot serve as the basis for any sort of course of action! The idea that we need to tag and police and bubble wrap any potentially objectionable thing online is exactly the excuse they are using for KOSA. It's no kink at Pride discourse. It's this post about Pete Buttigieg.

Straight people don't get policed like this. Cis people don't get held to these standards. Are you Staff in a wig and fake nose pretending to be a user supporting their rationale?

[faeriekit]

hi! hope you're having an okay day. I was wondering if you had any fic recs, specifically with Matches Malone and/or identity shenanigans? I also really enjoy those fics :D hope you have a good day!

Identity shenanigans or Matches Malone?? Uhhhhhhhhhhh (*immediate panic*).

So the thing is, it really really really depends on what you, stranger, are comfortable with, and what you enjoy?? There are a lot of fics I like, or at least have tried out myself, but there are also a half-dozen that are super content sensitive, especially when it comes to, like, gang stuff and Gotham's underbelly...? I'm going to put a couple things here, but. Uh. I will also recommend just opening the Matches Malone tag on ao3 and applying your own filters, since I don't know any of your hard lines! There's only like 173 fics in total. Sorting through them is super easy. Have fun and be yourself.

On the other hand, I've got some stuff here:

Matches Malone identity nonsense:

⭐Good girls don't, but I do: Superbat, several undercover identities, gender fuckery (of what nature is up to reader interpretation), Journalist Clark Kent, and first time meetings! Unfinished so far, but super fun with a lot of potential! I am very excited about this one!!

⭐Have I told you about Minnie? Steph and Bruce bonding! Turns out, if you're pretending to be someone else, it's super easy to say nice things about your kids when they're not listening, lol...or are they? 👀

Matches Malone Has Too Many Kids: Man, weird how Matches Malone has as many kids as Brucie Wayne, huh....and boy will he tell you all about what his crime family has been up to! Features Bruce & Family bonding via undercover identities; what could go wrong?

⭐homewrecker: Omegaverse; Red Hood accidentally tells Two Face that Matches Malone (Bruce, undercover,) is his mom. ...Whoops. Now all of Gotham has an opinion on Matches' (Bruce) and Batman's (also Bruce) custody battle over their crime lord son, and new step-mom Bruce Wayne (also also Bruce) is asked to weigh in lmao. Top tier comedy. So dumb. Cannot recommend enough. Every single Bat kid takes the piss. Gotham's undergound is in a tizzy. Bruce is so, so tired.

⭐Under(under)cover: DC x White Collar. Tim, undercover as an ex-con in the government's favorite form of law enforcement, suddenly has to get the detectives around him off his back before his identity is exposed...so obviously pulling out a few Malone family members is a good enough distraction, right? 💀 Pretending you've recently escaped a crime family is totally not an extra burden to your already half-busted cover identity, Tim! There are no possible consequences for this!

Don't Mess with Ma's Boy: Ma's Boy, Metropolis's enforcer for Mafia head Ma Kent, catches a Bat in his back yard. Obviously, the solution is to show him around town and share street food, of course. (SuperBat, with Super Shenanigans lmao)

Other Malone nonsense (Batfam Identities Two, Electric Boogaloo):

Playing with Matches: Batfam-centric secondary identities schtick. You're a Malone! You're a Malone! Red Hood's a Malone?? Everyone's a Malone!! Outside POV from Red Hood's gang and more!

⭐Robbie Malone saves the day & spills secrets: a DC x White Collar undercover op extravaganza, featuring Jason and Dick as our MCs. (TW: does feature fears of sexual assault, nothing onscreen.)

The one who got away: another DC x White Collar fic. Turns out, uh, if you don't tell your new kid that you're the famous Gotham Bats or why one of Gotham's most famous untouchable mob families is coming around to visit all the time, they're going to come to their own conclusions! Those conclusions may not be flattering! They might be scared enough to cut and run, actually! You may have to apologize for making this extremely stressful on them!! ...If they let you back in at all!

Features smut (mostly SuperBat)(There are other ships in the tag they're just not my thing; go explore the tag yourself for other options):

⭐I want to sell what you're buying: Clark Kent, journalist, meets Matches Malone, informant, for a...wilder time than he was expecting to agree to on his trip into Gotham. (TW Fic eventually makes it more obvious that Clark knows who/what he's agreeing to, but it does read on the edge of identity dubcon for a hot minute if you're sensitive to that)

Matches and the Doll: I do love the dynamic of a ne'er do well and his extremely obedient Super as choice of undercover roles, but this is, at the end of the day, all leading up to wild exhibitionist smut FYI

Pretty Reporters Are Always In Need of Saving (title is largely self explanatory) is followed up with by a SuperBat week 2024 fill Good Boys Play with Matches. It's uh. You know. Alley sex and roleplay. Read the warnings.

Recs from the discord (Home of the Apiary Genders!)

(Un)Conventional Date Night: Dp x DC. Matches Malone and two out-of-town scientists tear up the town on their night off!

Your Boy That Was, the Son That Is... More Matches Malone & Red Hood identity angst. What happens when the son recognizes his father, but the man himself cannot?

Art:

Bruce as Matches Malone and Clark Illustration, as presented on ao3!

I think that's all I have time for today...? There are other identity shenanigan fics I love that aren't on here, but this list took me like an hour and a half and there is other writing I'm supposed to get done today...lol. I'm only 181 pages into this unreleased fic! I better get moving! 😜

Thanks for asking!🧡

[genderqueerdykes]

do you have any favorite guides to diy hrt (transfem)

i'm actually glad you sent this ask:

i cannot condone DIY HRT for anyone due to how unsafe and unpredictable it is. i will never post or share guides on DIY HRT, estrogen OR testosterone, because i do not want to be responsible for someone's injury or even death.

people have been spreading myths online that estrogen is 100% safe to DIY, and it is not- no hormones are. you NEED to know if it is safe for you to be taking that hormone before you start taking it. the reason why folks go through so many tests when getting HRT through doctors isn't medical gatekeeping. they are testing your existing hormone levels, as well as your kidney and heart health, blood pressure, bone density and liver enzymes. this sounds like nothing to the average person but this is a HUGE deal, these are all VITAL parts of your body's health and safety and screwing with any of these could have life long or life ending consequences. you need to know if you have a pre-existing health condition that could possibly kill you if you start HRT

people have bought into the myth that because estrogen is associated with women that it's completely harmless, but just like taking too much of ANYTHING, taking too much estrogen can be extremely harmful and even potentially fatal. it can cause osteoporosis, heart attacks, deep vein thrombosis, and cause damage to the liver and kidneys while it's being filtered out. you can overdose on hormones, potentially leading to death. many folks who DIY testosterone HRT end up overdosing accidentally, and it happens to just as many people who DIY estrogen

there is no way to know if estrogen pills pressed by a stranger online or bought off the street ACTUALLY contain estrogen, and in the exact same doses and amounts every single time that you need to transition. there's a possibility that one batch tests strong, one batch tests weak, another has no estrogen in it whatsoever- especially if you're getting your pills from different people. there is no way to know that vials of estradiol bought online/off the street actually contain estradiol and are not just 100% a carrier oil. there is NO way to know if those vials of hormones are sterile, either, which is a huge concern. getting needles and syringes secondhand is extremely unreliable as well.

without medical testing to help, you will have no idea what dose is safe for you to start at, what will be safe to titrate up to, and the rate at which it will be safe to do so. a lot of people will be tempted to start taking more and more and more estrogen because they're not seeing the effects they want soon enough. a lot of people will start off with a dose that's way too high for them, or advance their dosage too quickly. there's no way for you to know if you're damaging your organs until it's too late if you don't get regular tests

plus some folks run the risk of further organ damage by taking anti androgens that they may not even need to take in the first place, but were lead to do so because of dysphoria. some people may start taking more and more of their anti androgens because they're not seeing results fast enough, only to further risk their health. medications like this are filtered out by the liver and kidneys and putting undue stress on them can damage them for life, making continuing HRT potentially deadly

unfortunately, there is no one size fits all dosage or plan when titrating up to higher doses. every single person has different needs when it comes to HRT, every body responds in a unique fashion. your HRT NEEDS to be tailored to your body. you cannot follow a guide given by another transfem, unfortunately, because your body is not guaranteed to react in the same way theirs does. you may have health issues that you didn't realize you had that could endanger your life by starting HRT.

overall, i'm very sorry to disappoint, but as someone who has a special interest in medicine, i cannot condone DIY HRT for anyone, regardless of what hormone you're taking. i understand that many people do not have access to medical care that will provide them with HRT, and i know it seems unfair to tell people in these situations that they're shit out of luck. i can't stop you from doing anything, but i just want to urge to you that DIY HRT is very unsafe and can very easily result in someone's death if they're not careful

stay safe out there, good luck finding what you need. i wish people could just get the appropriate medical care they need and not have to try to pull all these strings to make it happen. you shouldn't be forced into a position where your only option is DIY, or that you feel you won't be able to get it any other way. it's a shitty symptom of a greater problem. nobody should be forced to take medications in amounts that they don't know if it will hurt them or not because of the hateful beliefs of someone else. you deserve to be in good care to get what you need.

[batterfang]

AI Art and Goth

I'm going to be yelling into the void here, I know, but I want to get this out there because it's frustrating and I just need to yell about it okay lol. It's my blog, I'll complain if I want to.

So, recently there's been some discussion online about bands/record labels in the goth scene potentially using AI generated "art" for their album/single covers. Why does this matter, to me? It matters because as an artist myself, I know the time that goes into creating a piece. The hours, months, and years I've spent laboring away at something that means so much to me. A piece of my soul is in every little drawing or painting I make with intention. My art is my mark in this huge world and evidence that I existed. It's an extension of my feelings and thoughts and loves. That's what art means to me.

On the other side, you have ai generators. On top of frankensteining images from the internet at large, they can also steal pictures or artworks and overlay filters on top of them to make them look like the generator made them. (So I've learned today, which makes me very upset and I also learned what "scraping" means.)

So with that said, I'm sure anyone would understand why record labels maybe using ai instead of hiring artists to create an original piece OR using the huge selection of public domain works that are available is frustrating and an ethics issue. Right? Especially those people that are a part of a subculture that is based on an art form - music. Right?? Apparently that's not the case because there was waaay too many people for comfort arguing that it doesn't matter. "Who cares if they're using ai art?" ... "It doesn't look like ai art to me, stop this holy crusade." ... "This is just rage bait." ... "What about sampling used in music? It's the same thing." To that last one especially, NO IT IS NOT, THANK YOU LOL. Artists interacting with another artist's work and transforming it is not the same as a computer stealing images and spitting out a monstrosity. You might tune your inputs to get a certain outcome, but that computer is doing all the work, all the composing, it's placing everything in that image. Why don't people understand what art means?

Whether or not these suspicious cover arts are in fact ai is up for debate, I'm not arguing that. (Though after personally reaching out to one record label about it and having received the most vague answer possible where they didn't even address my questions fully, I'm even more convinced that they're probably using ai.) What I'm arguing here is that it shouldn't be acceptable, from an ethical and moral standpoint. I don't want souless ai generated pictures to become the norm in the subculture. I want artists to support each other. I want the goth community to support it's artists and musicians. The use of ai art cheapens art in the worst way and harms artists and I cannot vibe with anyone who thinks otherwise.

If you read all this, thanks for taking the time.

[rjalker]

[ID: Text that reads, "Billie, Bob, and Joe would like to beg you to tag posts with flashing lights as 'flashing', not 'flash warning' or 'cw flashing', literally just 'flashing'.

Extra words and variations prevent people with photosensitivity from filtering the posts that are dangerous for us. Tag posts withflashing lights as 'flashing'. Just 'flashing'.". The word "not" is underlined for emphasis, in "not flash warning", and the final line of "just flashing" is also underlined for emphasis. at the bottom of the image is a black bar with Flatlanders seen from their own perspective appearing as different shades of white and grey. Billie is a simple thin, vertical line of white. Bob is a wide bar of white in the center fading to grey on either side. Joe has a white stripe in the center, and a sharper fade to darker greys on either side. End ID.]

If you tag your posts with flashing lights with things like "cw flashing lights" or "cw flashing" or "flashing warning" or "//flashing" or any other million possible variations, then that means that people with photosensitivity like me cannot avoid your posts unless we filter every. single. variation that anyone on this site has ever come up with.

It is your responsability as the one posting flashing lights to tag them so that other people can be safe. Tag them as "flashing". After you tag them as only "flashing", then you can add on as many variations as you want.

But "flashing" is the standarized tag. You must use it. Not using the standardized tag means that people with photosensitivity have to waste our time filling out filtered tags list with variations that in most cases won't even work for the next post with a variation.

Tag posts with flashing lights as "flashing". literally just the word "flashing". This includes flashing colors.

Flashing lights can cause people with photosensitivity headaches, migraines, nausea, and seizures.

Never tag posts with flashing lights with any variation of "photosensitivity" or "epilepsy", because this will instead make these posts show up when people with photosensitivity and epilepsy are trying to find posts about their condition.

The only time you should be tagging posts as "epilepsy warning" or "photosensitivity warning" is if you're warning people about flashing lights in a video that is *not included in your post*.

Like when I took the time to write out timestamps for all of the various flashing lights and sickening spinning of the camera in the 2007 Flatland film by infamous conservative bigot Ladd Ehlinger.

Tag your posts of flashing lights with "flashing". Do not ever tag them as anything including the words "epilepsy" or "photosensitivity".

If you are making gifs or video clips of the 2007 Flatland film by notorious conservative bigot Ladd Ehlinger, there's a 90% chance that the scene you're sharing contains flashing lights, because that movie is filled with them, and you need to tag it appropriately.

Also, never ever add gifs with flashing lights to other people's posts without explicitly asking beforehand. Still can't believe this is something we have to tell people.

[just-antithings]

proshippers r funny to me because of the degree to which yall just lie. "we always tag our content correctly" no the fuck you dont ive been in the world you cannot trick me, trying to filter out all the ""shotacon"" when i still used ao3 was a nightmare because even when it wasnt split between 2293809 different euphemisms which changed frequently as everyone else started realizing "old man/younger man" was being used for like a 6 year old kid instead of age gaps between adults which outside of your roleplay most people do have a different stance on than pedophilia, and people constantly just posting 5 yr old/20 yr old porn ageddown porn of canon adults with zero relevant tags. this has been my experience in all of fandom, telling a proshipper that they need to avoid posting untagged graphic rape porn in tags for shounen is apparently as painful as having your leg sawed off from how people react to it. you have posts insisting that it is at all reasonable for an ao3 user who doesnt want to see pedophilia should simply filter out every possible shotacon ship which is what i did so i can tell you thats incredibly unreasonable because that number is generally in the thousands, doesn't count as "tagging correctly", and also DOESN'T WORK because again people will just not tag shit or do agedown porn without tagging it so you can be in the tag of a ship for characters who are 50 and 60 in canon when lo and behold AU porn where the older one is babysitting the younger one and theyre 20 and 10, no tags except "Au - babysitter". like tbc i do think that even if you have the minimum balls to tag your adult raping a kid porn "pedophilia" you should still be criticized for that which i know the main conceit of the anti anti movement is pretending is worse than murder, but its wild how often people let yall just lie that tagging correctly is the universal or even a common standard. thats not even getting into the fact that ao3 doesn't let you select tags to automatically filter so you have to type in every individual tag you want out every single time you do a search. but no everyone should have to spend 4 hours theorizing every possible way you could weasel words your way around describing an adult having sexual intercourse with a child and then individually type em all in just so they can see read old men fucking without one of them being turned into a middle schooler. like with every other anit anti talking point it runs into the ultimate problem that yall are lazy assholes who are in this community in the first place because youre so allergic to compassion you can only tolerate people esp children if youre jacking off to them and so any measure yall claim you take for the good of others is ultimately a lie. also i still havent forgotten all those times you defended irl pedophilia or that one time you said you had a kneejerk reaction to discredit someone talking about a case study of irl csa by defending the pedophile and blamed "antis" instead of the fact that you spend all day every day defending being attracting to children. which is much worse, obviously

[utilitycaster]

Weirdly specific and overly long Critical Role Ask Meme

The annual Thanksgiving Hell Drive tradition that matters only to me!

Character you don't particularly like, but will defend vehemently when people dislike them for the wrong reasons.

Favorite unhinged shopkeeper.

Minor character people in the fandom are obsessed with that makes you go "them? why?"

Minor character you are (correctly) obsessed with.

Meta you would write if you did not fear people would be SUPER weird about it. This is also an invitation to write that meta and block the haters.

NPC you would most like to see as the subject of a Tales of Exandria series.

Alternate outcome in a main campaign that you don't necessarily wish happened, but that you wish you could see played out in an alternate universe before returning to ours.

You may personally require that Liam O'Brien plays a non-core four (ie, not a Rogue, Wizard, Cleric, or Fighter) character for at least 10 episodes - he cannot in any way be one of those classes, even as a multiclass. If you like Orym, assume this has no impact on him. What class or multiclass do you have him play?

Location in Exandria you'd like to see in a possibly canonical one-shot/EXU but with non-main campaign characters (as in Song of the Lorelei/The Darrington Brigade)

Favorite and least favorite Matt Mercer Original Subclass.

A common stance within the fandom you would most like to eliminate on the specific grounds of hypocrisy/self-contradiction.

Best ship of the literal seafaring vessel or skyship variety.

Favorite D&D PC (guests & EXU included but must be a PC) of [class provided by the asker]? Note that as of posting there is only one option each for artificer (Tary) and ranger (Vex), so don't ask those.

Describe the art you would most like to create or commission if talent/money were no object.

Favorite one-on-one conversation (can be between two PCs, or a PC and NPC).

Favorite group (all/most of the party) conversation.

You know that post that's like "I wish you could filter in ao3 on 'attitude towards a canon event'?" In the world of imagination, you can! What's the event or attitude?

Share one unpopular opinion but it must specifically only pertain to Sam's ads.

You can swap one subclass (not class) for any one main campaign main cast PC. Which character, and what's their new subclass?

What non-D&D TTRPG would you most like to see Critical Role run a one shot in?

You can eliminate one ship that did not become a canon, reciprocated relationship from the fandom's consciousness. It is entirely gone - no fics, no posts, no doctored out of context gifsets inexplicably claiming that Travis ships it, no anon hate, no drama. Your blocked tags list becomes several entries shorter. A weight is lifted from your shoulders, and you take the deepest breath you've taken in a long time. Anyway, now that you're feeling relaxed and inspired, what do you think Bertrand Bell's fighter subclass was?

Assume that every single non-multiclassed wizard PC OR significant wizard NPC (includes EXU Calamity) are in a battle royale, and all are level 16. Who would you bet on as the winner?

You can guarantee that Vax lives at the end of Campaign 1. However, you must trade his permadeath for the permadeath of a different PC who was dead for more than a minute. Your options are Percy dying permanently in 1x68; Scanlan dying permanently in 1x83; or Laudna dying permanently in 3x34. Do you choose to do so, why, and whose death do you trade?

You can guarantee that one Evergreen Question you write is pulled on 4-Sided Dive AND that the four cast members you most want to answer it are on that month. What's the question, and which cast members answer it?

What class do you most want to see Matt play if he is in a future EXU campaign as a new (not Dariax) PC?

You must swap one nat 1 die roll with one nat 20 die roll. They must both be from the main campaigns, but can be cross-campaign. Which are they, and why?

Pick one character, ship, or party; and one song you associate most with them, and explain why. This song cannot be on an existing playlist from the main cast. It also cannot be We Have it All by the Pim Stones nor Dust Bowl Dance by Mumford & Sons; I love those AMVs but please think for yourself.

Think back to all weird or bad opinions (pertaining to Critical Role) you've seen but which were not elaborated upon. You get to make one, and only one, person have to provide an honest response about what the fuck they were thinking. Which opinion do you receive the honest explanation for?

You can give any PC a Staff of Birdcalls. Who do you give it to?

What is your favorite theory or headcanon that has absolutely no bearing on the plot and isn't important at all, but which is completely compliant with canon?

A really weird fey entity grants you the following boon: you can magically make it so that whenever people try to draw Imogen with glasses, the glasses magically disappear. All you need to do is hit the DC. The DC begins at 15, it is a simple d20 die roll with no modifiers/additions, and you can reduce it by one for every month you live with canon, pre-episode 2x26 Mollymauk Tealeaf. You do have your own room, but the walls are thin. After 15 months you automatically succeed and Molly disappears as though he had never existed. How many months do you live with Molly?

If the CR main cast were to play the original 7 tombtakers per The Nine Eyes of Lucien (Brevyn, Cree, Jurrell, Lucien, Otis, Tyffial, and Zoren) in a one shot, who should play whom? Assume Matt DMs, but you do not need to have Taliesin play Lucien.

You may ask any member of the cast one, and only one lore clarification question. What do you ask?

You meet an old woman in the grocery store and help her with her bags. In return, she tells you she can guarantee that Campaign 3 will be fantastic, and that there will be a Campaign 4 set in Issylra that is also fantastic. However, she warns you, the price is that Marisha and Laura's characters will never be in a romance together, nor will Taliesin and Liam's, though there will be significant queer romances aplenty, both F/F and M/M, in said campaigns. Do you take her up on her offer?

You can set the time and place of the next EXU series, but it cannot be within 100 years of the Calamity nor Divergence. When and where do you set it?

Every cast member must create a main campaign character loosely based off a character they played in a one-shot not set in Exandria, a la Chetney from Chutney (as a result, Travis is excused from this exercise). Who should they choose? (Please note that Bar Room Blitz is set in Exandria. You cannot pick Jayne and you're boring for thinking it.)

You have to take a 16 hour road trip with one NPC from each campaign (all at once, ie, three other people). The NPCs cannot shorten the road trip in any way and the road trip must be via driving but you can do it in two 8 hour days and share a motel room if you'd like. Who do you pick?

Assuming that your rent and basic living expenses are paid regardless, nothing cataclysmic happens while you're there, and your race and class are perceived as completely average and nothing to comment on, which city in Exandria would you most like to live in for a year? You must spend the vast majority of your time there.

Favorite parental figure NPC?

What named but as of yet unseen character do you most want to see onscreen?

[seabysiren]

more streamer au! 141 task force.

part I

when he's not streaming, simon works as a day labourer in contruction. simon likes it because he can just. work. it helps him keep in shape without having to be a desk job or a cashier somewhere.

it's physically tolling but rewarding. he used to work every single day without rest, but with his new channel he takes sunday off to record and check in on his mum.

when simon turned 18 was when everything turned into gear. he had enough money saved up to rent an apartment his mum and brother could move into. away from his drunk, abusive father.

that's why he worked his ass off every day to support his recovering mother and his drug addict of a brother.

but despite being a streamer, his family and friends take first priority. doesn't matter how much or how little he makes. what matters is that his mum is in a better place and that his brother can get help.

he had moved in with you a few months ago because it was an easier commute to work that way. closer to the city, but an easy drive over to his mum's apartment in case of emergency.

he still uses the pc setup in your room, but it was starting to feel a bit inconvenient. simon didn't care as long as he got the job done, but you knew this setup was going to get worse with the limited amount of space and random recording equipment.

so while he was off at his job, you had one goal in mind. renovate the empty basement into a proper streaming room. that included running around and buying those funny styrofoam pannels that's supposed to go on the wall.

it took a few hours to buy what you wanted. you got this really nice desk, LED lights, and a high quality microphone from ikea. bless ikea, because really this little project wouldn't have been possible without it.

you painted the room before you set anything else in it. you knew that simon liked monochrome colours, so you had a different variations of light grey, dark grey, grey and black around the room.

you set up three pcs in the room. all decked out with nice microphones and double monitors to make it easier to see the recording and chat. you really don't know why you bought three setups, but you just had a feeling.

with two pcs you could play together with simon.

with three pcs you could do... something.

you'd figure that out later.

-

turns out simon had figured that out without even having to talk to you.

there's this new fella on the construction sight. strange scottish man without a filter and a loud, loud voice.

he says call him john.

simon calls him johnny.

and he's an absolute muppet.

simon scowls everytime he gets paired up with johnny, but johnny only breaks out into a big grin while he talks.

"looks like i'm with you boss!"

cue simon's famous death glare.

"don't call me that."

despite the fact that simon barely talked, johnny talks for the both of them. he likes to ramble about his home town in scotland.

"scotland foreva!" simon just hit him over the head the first time he did that.

"we're in manchester you bloody muppet."

johnny loves to ramble. talking about his old neighbor who seemed a little like a drug dealer. or his theory on mattress buildings being fronts to laundering money.

"cause come on! have you 'ever seen someone in there? selling mattresses?? and they never go out of business. there's this one store in my hometown that has been open for over thirty years despite no one ever being parked in the lot."

he's gotta point though.

simon's gone from calling him johnny to soap. because he only has shower thoughts twenty four seven. it never stops.

never.

despite acting like he's a nuisance, simon likes johnny. its nice to finally talk to someone other than yer mum or yer flatmate.

but by god. soap for the love of god cannot stop with his scottish slang. something that sounds less and less like english and more like he's having a stroke.

"yer off yeir heid!"

"do you need to go to the hospital? ya' sound like yer havin' a stroke."

johnny did not have to go to the hospital. but from the amounts of times he's hit his head has simon wondering if he has a permanent concussion. or that his brain is really small and rattling around like a plinko game.

-

the joke is a scot and a brit walked into a bar.

there's no punch line.

because there's no bar.

because your house is not a damn bar.

lets do that again.

ahem

a bloody scot and a brit stomped into the front door.

you are estatic that simon's made a friend. cooing over him embarrassingly as you look the scot up and down.

"omg simon you did it. you made a friend."

"that's enough." johnny snickers in the background, earning a glare from simon.

you and johnny click instantly. the bro code or something, he claims.

the both of you thrive off the chaotic energy. simon just looks at you exasperated.

johnny also likes snooping around. instead of asking for a house tour he's shot off like a rocket. trying to find simon's room so he can steal something.

simon's running after him.

they both look like maniacs.

johnny thought simon slept in the basement. because he has that vibe. the monochrome palette. his sarcasm. the way he constantly squints when the sun gets past noon. because damn it has no reason to be that bright.

instead the two are met with the sight of your newly finished project. leds light the ceiling in a soft purple, illuminating softly pulsing lamps sitting on nice, dark wood desks. the monitors are all off, but the sheer amount of technology in this room makes his jaw hit the floor.

"ya got a stream room??"

simon looks at you in confusion too.

you smile sheepishly while you rub the back of your neck.

"yeah. had to do somethin' with the basement. and since simon needed more space."

johnny's eyes grow bigger than his damn brain.

"you??? stream????"

shocked pikachu face.

because johnny would've pegged you as a streamer with your light and teasing personality. not silent, brooding moody simon.

plot twist. simon's famous.

johnny's immediately begging for his channel name. cause come on, he has to have proof.

"ther' no way yer a streamer."

he is, in fact, a streamer. one that's rapidly growing with his feral fanbase.

johnny is still gawking by the morning.

-

one thing led to another, and it turns out johnny loves to record too. you had this dumb little idea to see if johnny could be a little guest on the channel. because don't get me wrong, simon's popular. but he needs a bit more. like company.

its ghost. and soap. and you, their little editor.

the chaos of these two when their recording together. simon let him onto the server once and suddenly half his house is blown up and soap's got an army of dogs.

he enslaves all the villagers and kills off half the farm.

or when ghost just wanted to relax and answer some Q&A questions that were long overdue.

he talked a bit about what he likes, favorite food, his opinion of communism.

and soap turned it from a question stream to a shower thought stream.

"ya know the ocean's a soup rite?"

simon sighs into the microphone.

"got the base of the soup. like the seaweed. got a bit of meat and fish. vegetables. sea cucumbers."

you had to write a warning that you cannot, in fact, just drink salt water out of the ocean. because it doesn't work that way. dont drink the forbidden soup.

chaos trio.

ghost, the chronically tired parent. and his two leash children mr soap "omg i just got a thought!" and you, who likes to edit the captions so that ghost is called babygirl.

he's not amused.

you and johnny now call him babygurl.

and half his fanbase too.

it's never gonna go away.

the ghost force had evolved from just this brit to + scot + editor + chaos.

you just put a warning in the beginning of any video that soap's in. because the scot himself needs a warning label.

:)

blurb I

[phoenixcatch7]

Cap marvel headcanons I Will integrate into a fic one day but also have Zero basis in canon to my knowledge (this ended up being LONG):

The living lightning is an ancient force akin to the speed force, and the 'true' guardian of magic, being possibly the first 'magical creature' ever created.

The rock of eternity only recently became based on earth, in the past several thousand years, with the planet's deities acting as mountains in the rain cycle - funnels to safely channel the magic back into the Champion. It's a fully symbiotic relationship that benefits the planet and its people immensely.

This means previously the rock has been based on alien planets. Previous champions are ancient aliens, many from species that no longer exist, either because the species died out or evolved into something unrecognisable.

The champion of magic may have inspired the oua (?), the creators and high council of the green lanterns. Ooh maybe an oua was selected as champion, which is how they learned of it!

The living lightning, when not in a mortal vessel, rests in the heart of the Rock in a large brazier, with a smoke lid of white edged with gold in a familiar pattern. It is tradition, or perhaps instinct, for a Champion to light the brazier whenever they visit the Rock. It will be lit for as long as the visit lasts, and be extinguished the next time they come.

Should it choose to take form, the living lightning resembles a washed out combination of each of its previous Champions. Its form is solid and clear, strong and made for battle, but distinctly uncanny. It doesn't leave its brazier, nor speak.

The 'ideal form' of a hero varies all the time, doesn't it? Especially if you're a kid still growing and learning about yourself and the world. Headcanon cap ever so subtly changes features sometimes. Gradually. Height and build changes sometimes. One of the league members has noticed but they really can't prove it to themselves and it's driving them crazy. Billy has no idea.

On that topic, the 'ideal form' also includes the clothes, right? The red costume? If Billy transforms with the intent of doing something outside his normal hero things (ie, attending a celebration), the outfit has every reason and ability to change to reflect that! Everyone expecting cap to show up in his normal gear and ready to throw a formal suit at him to wiggle on over his costume and he shows up in a red and gold set with a little one shoulder cape like 'yeah I have no idea either'.

Cap marvel Is An Adult. Billy isn't, but cap is in every single way that someone could count. This is probably canon but in some fics I think the jl forgets lol. It's still the same soul, just, with an adult filter instead of a kid one. However that filter manifests.

Not sure this is canon too, but the idea of the mind/soul/whatever of cap manifesting as this great impossible mass. A storm, or a tiger, or a barrier of lightning. This giant, untouchable, dormant mass of power and implied Danger™. Again, Billy has no idea. J'onn is eying warily from a very safe distance.

His wiki practically waxes poetic about his abilities and skills in strategy, mathematics, nigh precognition from ability to spot and manipulate patterns. Captain marvel is unbeatable at chess. Batman has lost to him. Billy cannot do fractions and it drives him up the WALL.

The champion, and ONLY the champion, can share his powers. If shazam wants a second champion he has to give a new set wholesale or convince the champion to share. Similarly, those patroned by the champion cannot transform unless the champion is also transformed. Because otherwise that would be too easy for Billy lol.

Every time Billy asks, tawky gives a different canon origin story. Billy has no idea which is true.

Billy's parents died accidentally freeing Adam on their expedition. Probably crushed by rubble :(. The wizard is the only one who knows and really isn't inclined to share, and Adam either hasn't connected the dots or never really noticed they were there.

Cap and Billy love each other, regardless of whatever version their whole thing is. They're the only reason the other remembers self care and that kind of self love, even if he's not sure he deserves it, makes a world of difference with how they portray themselves to the world.

Cap doesn't need to breathe to speak but he never remembers that and has repeatedly choked in water and space. Superman empathises but tries not to find it funny after the third time it happens.

Billy has showed the wizard memes.

The wizard internally refers to Billy as the 'sassy, lost child'. He has a pointy hat like any good wizard but refuses to wear one since Billy keeps asking him to, pretty please.

Cap once won an arm wrestle with superman by pretending to lick his hand. He didn't. Billy would have.

Cap marvel CANONICALLY bites but after the first time he regulates his jaw strength. Thankfully it was Black Adam so no one lost a hand. He had him in a headlock so who's fault was it really.

Ebenezer doesn't have a strong opinion on cap marvel either way. Billy thinks that's almost worse.

The living lightning isn't lightning. It was around before lightning. It is living, however. It is that 'living' that forms the main consciousness of the Champion form, in this case Marvel. Its not sentient or sapient itself, that's the vessel, but it is the building blocks of it.

In dc (again no idea if this has any basis in canon) magic is the fifth state of matter, above plasma. Yes this interferes incredibly with quantum physics and theoretical science. No the magic users don't know how it works either. No they will not help you they have their own research (into the exact same thing) to do.

If the Rock is obliterated cap marvel will die (along with pretty much everything else but irrelevant). However, if he manages to save the brazier, he will continue on. Magic as a whole deal won't be very happy and aeons of magical knowledge and history and artifacts will be lost, but cap will live and can rebuild from the ashes. The brazier is Heavy but enough super strength can move it if you don't mind bringing a chunk of floor. And the rock is so weakened it's literally falling apart but those are the right circumstances anyway so.

[blindedbythedarkness]

The Undeniable Dystopia is Here.

Life is bad. Like shockingly, horrifyingly bad. Growing up really felt like living through a series of unfortunate events- I was certainly repeatedly traumatized. But I never had to fight for my life every single day. That's where we are right now, and yet 95% of people can't or won't acknowledge reality. Hell really is empty and all the devils are here.

We live in a cesspit of plague. That's the state of the entirity of the Western world. I didn't want it at the start because I knew I was more "vulnerable" to its effects. Now I'd avoid it with just as much effort even if I was the healthiest person on Earth. The vaccines didn't stop the death, they just made it slower so people wouldn't notice.

All around me the effects are obvious. Everyone is ill. "The worst colds ever" and "the first year they've ever had hayfever". Quality of life is plummeting. Life expectancy is plummeting. Workers shortages. The internet full of people begging society to change course but incapable of leaving their beds to plead in person. Babies born tiny and starved, the effects on their brains untold. Kids collecting autoimmune diseases like pokemon cards. More Strep. More RSV. Kid after kid with their limbs stripped to the bone to stop the bacteria killing the rest of them. Brain damage termed just "brain fog." Friends of friends dropping dead. Strokes galore.

But you only see it if you're willing to open your eyes.

I can't study safely. I can't sit my exams without risking another hit of the virus that has already left me more disabled. It's not safe to go to the shops. It's not safe to sit in my own garden without a mask. It's not safe to go to the hospital- I know for sure because that's where I caught it last time. Every possible step forward, every possible move, every single day, involves a level of risk I couldn't comprehend 4 years ago.

I don't have PTSD, because we are not 'post'. The trauma is still growing.

At uni, I sit there in full PPE. PPE I spent more money on than I can afford, as someone who lives on less than minimum wage. I look around the room for the seat with the best ventilation, the best chance of air flow. I'm not religious, but I pray. Because I cannot afford to become even more disabled and I cannot afford to disable the person I love most. And then in filter 200 people who no longer care who they hurt with what they spread. Most avoid me- an uncomfortable reminder of the ongoing horror. One decides to sit next to me, coughing, excitedly asking me if I will be joining them for post-exam drinks. Indoors. Unmasked. We live in parallel worlds and yet they cannot even acknowledge that much.

They jet off abroad. Go to clubs. Have a sniffle but visit gran anyway. I pay attention when watching shows set in other dystopias, taking note of how to clean and suture a wound at home if needed. We cannot risk the hospital. I grow vegetables as the online prices rise and we cannot risk a trip to the store. I'm reminding my family what's at stake and begging them to protect themselves because I can't lose anyone else. And I'm praying.

Once again, just like when I was a teen, I find my comfort in misunderstood monsters and outcasts. The lonely characters that the world hates, who break down in tears when shown an ounce of kindness. I get wrapped up in the fantasy of having a safe space where I can finally let my guard down just for a minute. Where I can finally feel seen and see a bearable future. And when I see their visible scars, I feel them too, and I struggle against the urge to make more of my own.

There's no one coming to help me though and no safety in sight. There is just endurance. Even what remains of the mental health service is useless- why would I explain my pain to someone likely happily spreading the very virus that has created this hell? And I can't ask for support from my uni- they've made their views clear that this is my "anxiety" and I'm merely "overly cautious".

But I caught it, so not cautious enough. And it damaged my already disabled body further, so not anxious enough.

The undeniable dystopia is here and there is no end in sight.

[gladstones-corner]

Liber Null - Liber LUX

This is part of my series on Liber Null. 

Hello everyone! Welcome to the next article on Liber Null. 

Last time we discussed Liber MMM. We laid down the fundamental techniques of magic and highlighted the importance of the magical log. This time, we'll discuss Liber LUX, the second chapter of the book. 

Introduction to Liber Lux

Liber LUX opens with a discussion on the theoretical aspects of Mind, Duality, Kia, Chaos, and Aether. Let's go over them one at a time. 

Mind is the entity that perceives the other four—it is the lens, filter, and focusing point. But Mind is fundamentally wired to perceive everything in dualities, where in order for something to be, it has to not be something else. This dualistic thought is only a perception, it is not the truth. True experience is non-dualistic. 

Is there any part of the perceived experience that is non-dualistic? Yes: Kia is the non-dualistic fragment of the universal force inherent in all things. According to Carroll, Kia is the basis of both consciousness and experience—the unity of will and perception. 

So everything has a fragment of the universal force. But what is that force? Carroll terms it Chaos, and provides two definitions. First, he writes that Chaos is "the 'thing' responsible for the origin and continued action of events..." (Carrol, 1987, 28). 

Secondly, he writes that Chaos is the force "which adds increasing complexity to the universe by spawning structures which were not inherent in its component parts" (Carroll, 1987, 28). It is the unmoved mover, which can be called Tao, God, or any other like term. 

Think of Chaos, Kia, and Mind as three stages from Unity to Separation. Between these stages is an intermediary stage called Aether. It consists of all the possibilities that are not yet realities. 

To tap into these Aetheric states, read them, and manipulate them to "call very unlikely coincidences or unexpected events into existence" (Carroll, 1987, 29) is called magic. 

Gnosis

How do we do this? We start with the magical trance as defined in Liber MMM. We then take it one step further. Carroll writes: 

"Altered states of consciousness are the key to magical powers. The particular state of mind required has a name in every tradition... In this book it will be known as Gnosis. It is an extension of the magical trance by other means" (Carroll, 1987, 31). 

In short, Gnosis is the state of mind required to work the most powerful magic. 

But how is it achieved? Carroll gives two main methods: the inhibitory and excitatory. The inhibitory method entails progressively silencing the mind until only a single object of concentration remains. The excitatory method entails the opposite—the mind is raised to an exalted state while concentrating on the object in question. You can boil them down to sensory deprivation versus sensory overload. 

I like using the inhibitory method for techniques that require a pensive, reflective mind (like divination). For techniques like spell-craft, I prefer the excitatory method; it helps me build up power within my body so that I can release it. 

In either case, I like to use hypnotic breathing to achieve these states. Hypnotic breathing is the deliberate control of the breath's depth and speed to help the body and mind synch up in Gnosis. It's pretty simple to learn. 

Applications of Gnosis

Okay, so what can we do with Gnosis? Carroll provides five major applications. Though he gives them in a different order, I'm going to rearrange them so I can better build off each topic. They are Enchantment, Evocation, Invocation, Augoeides, and Divination. 

Enchantment as defined by Carroll is what most people think of when someone says "spell-craft". For best effect, the magician should aim for a temporal sweet spot—not so close that the power cannot effectively build, but not so far that there are too many possibilities. The magician must unite their Kia with the uncertain Aether, consciously decide to manifest an outcome, then allow the unconscious to manipulate the Aether in order to achieve their goal. 

Enchantment is not the only form of spell-craft, though. Evocation is a technique by which a magician calls forth entities with the intention of having them achieve the goal on the magician's behalf. Magicians do this by concentrating Kia into an independent being. Carroll gives detailed instructions within Liber LUX, but generally speaking the magician must summon the entity by imagining or creating a model of it, concentrate energy into it, then banish it from consciousness so that it may work independently of the magician. 

On the other side of evocation is invocation. Where evocation focuses on the external, invocation focuses on the internal. The magician unites their Kia with a composite idea (such as a deity) and allows themselves to be "possessed" by the entity. Magicians do this to reprogram themselves for any number of ends. 

Something to remember about evocation and invocation is that you must always banish the entity when you are finished—whether that be after the spell is complete or just before resuming normal life. And, the banishing should be similar in power to the evocation or invocation; another reason to work on your banishing ritual regularly as detailed in Liber MMM. 

One last point: the highest evocation/invocation possible is contact with the Personal Genius. In Chaos Magic, this phenomenon is referred to as summoning the Augoeides. The Augoeides is the most perfect form of your Kia. It represents your niche in the universe, what Crowley calls the True Will. While Carroll provides methods for training oneself to summon the Augoeides, suffice to say it involves repeated instances of deep Gnosis. 

Okay, so we've covered four of the five applications. The final is divination. This one is pretty self-explanatory for those familiar with any magical tradition, but Carroll gives some notes worth mentioning here. First is that—regardless of the method—a light trance is best. He also notes that there is a sweet spot of complexity that the best methods strike. In his opinion, those are bones, stones, and runes. In my opinion, it's stones and tarot decks—particularly the Major Arcana. 

The Goal of Liberation

What is the point of all this magical thought and technique? One word: liberation. Carroll defines it as behavior that increases possibilities for future action. We can also take this one step further and say that liberation is behavior that allows us to fulfill our True Will. 

To do this, Carroll writes: "the solution is to become omnivorous. Someone who can think, believe, or do any of a half dozen things is more free and liberated than someone confined to only one activity" (Carroll, 1987, 45). This means that as a magician, you must be willing to scrutinize and change your beliefs—even if only temporarily. Carroll gives five methods for liberating yourself: 

Sacrilege: engage in acts that break or bend your rules (so long as you're not breaking laws). 

Heresy: entertain the opposite of your values; seek out ideas that are wild and extreme. 

Iconoclasm: view events through different lenses; think through the horrors inflicted in the names of good religions and identify the paradoxes in your life. 

Bioaestheticism: seek out that which you love to do; turn your body and life into works of art, love, and truth that unite you with a greater whole. 

Anathemism: get accustomed to things you hate, eat foods you dislike, knowingly go against your values (again, within reason). 

By engaging in these acts, you increase your understanding of self and its contexts. Going against your own grain opens you up to a wider range of thoughts and behaviors. The importance of this cannot be overstated when it comes to magic—for believing wholeheartedly in manufactured coincidence is prerequisite. 

Conclusion 

Okay, I know that was a lot to throw at you. Please take as many times as you need to read through this, and I highly encourage you to also have a copy of Liber Null with you as you do.

Reach out to me if you have any questions or comments, and please stay tuned for my work on Liber NOX next.

As always, stay safe and blessed be~

[halscafe]

y'all i'm putting out a plea because i'm slowly losing my brain and everyone thinks i'm nuts:

I CAN SWEAR I HAVE SEEN A MILO OR DAVID ART PIECE IN INSPIRATION OF THIS MEME:

THE LISTENERS HAIR LOOKED LIKE THIS:

PLS IF U HAVE ANY IDEA OF THIS REDACTED ART PIECE LET A GIRL KNOW BECAUSE TOO MANY PEOPLE THINK IM CRAZY RIGHT NOW

the post itself consisted of two pictures: the one with both characters, and the second one was a zoom in of the listener staring HARD AT THE CHEST

I have gone through eVERY SINGLE REDACTED RELATED TAG POSSIBLE AND FILTERED FOR PHOTOS AND I CANNOT FIND IT PLS I CANNOT

[genderqueerdykes]

this may not be your wheelhouse and if so feel free to ignore but: do you know how to get past the sense of imposter syndrome wrt being punk? like. i'm punk, have always been will always be, it's objectively not debatable. but i've had to make some very un-punk decisions (ex. getting a degree and a normie job) in order to survive. and i haven't been well enough to do the work out on the streets or go to the venues in a while now. obviously i didn't magically become a poser, i still know the music, history, fashion, theory, etc... but i still kinda feel like a fraud :/ any advice?

you know, that's a pretty good question, actually, because i've noticed in a lot of alternative scenes, people really like to get uppity and make fun of people who are just getting into it, or may be into it for a while and then move on

i noticed it firsthand when i lived with other punks in a house venue. i saw probably hundreds of people filtering in and out of there over the course of months and a lot of conversations were leftist infighting and it just kinda became the same old garbage over and over again. some people have superiority complexes that make them feel "Above" everyone around them because they are counterculture. it can become a bit tiresome

what i would say, is that you cannot make decisions that line up with your beliefs/politics/etc. all the time. anticapitalists still need to make money. punks very well may need an established career in order to survive. people who live in food deserts have to rely on shitty companies in order to get their groceries and necessities. i don't think that makes anyone 'unpunk', fortunately, because despite how much we despise this capitalist hellhole, we can't just magically exist completely outside of it without engaging in every single thing we oppose

there's no reason why a punk can't be 'formally employed', so to speak, because not everyone is capable of living off of donations or running their own shop, selling zines, selling customized clothing, selling things they've grown ethically and organically, and so on. the thing is, is money moves so fast in capitalism that two weeks can easily break you. most people are one missed paycheck away from the worst situation of their life

as long as you actually follow through with what you believe and stand for in the areas where you can, that's what's important. as long as you behave in a way that doesn't oppress others, support your local community, participate in harm reduction events, or whatever your specific focus is on breaking down the structures firmly built around us to divide us, you are very much a punk.

respect for others, standing up for one's self, and other's when possible in situations where remaining peaceful is not an option, unlearning racism, trans/misogyny, transandrophobia, transphobia, lesbophobia, homophobia, intersexism, biphobia, and other queerphobic beliefs, learning to respect demonized and heavily oppressed people such as people of color, homeless people, addicts, people with personality disorders, people with schizophrenia, people with bipolar disorder, people with DID, people with OCD, people with autism, people with ADHD, and other neurodivergent and mentally ill people, and breaking down other internalized oppressive structures in your own mind to prevent perpetuating it, you've achieved your goal

the thing is is not every punk is a master of punk history, most punks are in the scene to meet with like minded people who very well may have other interests outside of the community that take up more of their time. many people don't have the time to read up on literature and zines because they live transient or busy lives. many punks don't listen to entirely punk music, some don't listen to any at all. i don't listen to a lot of music, due to being autistic and easily overwhelmed by sound, myself, so that is an area that i am not super versed in. i have very basic knowledge from sitting around and listening to other punks and their music, but i'm more focused on activism. but that's exactly the thing:

not every punk is an activist, either. you can wade as far as you personally want to into these waters. there are different kinds of punks, for sure, and that's not a bad thing at all. some folks are really passionate about music and want to spread a message that way, but may not have the time to become involved with local activist organizations. some punks are in it for the art. some are in it because they like each others company and personalities. some people like that there are a lot of trans and queer people in general in the scene so they find it a safe place to meet other queer people. some people like the casual atmosphere and ability to do whatever substances they want with other people in a safe environment without judgment, and around other people who have experiences with these substances. some people literally just dress alternative and like hanging out with other people who do and that's not bad, either.

all of these are okay things

as long as you acknowledge where you're at and not pretend to know more than you really do, you'll be fine. ultimately it means lot of things to a lot of different punks and just like any other identity, every punk will describe it slightly differently. i thought i was an outcast because i was the only real activist in that household, most other folks were there to be around like minded people who hate the way out society is run, and that's totally okay. if that's their vibe, that's their vibe. i can't tell them they're not punk, what would be the point of that? they play in and listen to punk bands. i'd be an idiot to tell them they're not really punk, you know?

you are the one who defines what punk looks like for you, as it is your experience. don't worry about someone else bothering you about it unless you've genuinely stepped out of line and said something potentially fascist, racist, queerphobic, etc. be open to genuine criticism but if someone gives you shit for not knowing some obscure detail about punk history it's not worth your time. i literally knew a punk girl who ran an anarchist reading club and she herself didn't read the book and just listened to everyone else talk about it and discerned her opinion from there.

punks come in all kinds- however:

THE ONLY WAY TO NEVER, EVER BE PUNK IS TO BE A NAZI, COP, OR OTHER KIND OF FASCIST. queerphobes, abelists, racists and their enablers aren't welcome either.

that's the main takeaway, if you ask me. i hope that helps, i have imposter syndrome with a few mental health things so i understand, it's a pain in the ass. if you have any more questions feel free to ask!

[lets-donate-a-kidney]

My first steps to donating a kidney

1) I went to the National Kidney Registry website, read all their pages, and thought for a bit.

(I’d suggest going through these folks if you’re in the USA; they made it easier for me to find a transplant center and can help reimburse you for time you take off work to donate.)

2) I registered as a possible donor on the NKR website. Registering doesn’t mean you are a donor now, you can cancel at any time. It just starts the process.

(More below!)

3) The NKR sent me a BIG online questionnaire about my medical history. And my family’s medical history. It took about an hour, but wasn’t too bad.

4) After submitting the questionnaire, the NKR asked me to schedule a basic screening at a Quest Diagnostics lab, and helped me locate one nearby.

5) Quest labs are usually attached to pharmacies; I went to one at a Walmart.  At the Quest lab they took a blood sample and urine sample.

6) A few days later the Quest lab told me the preliminary screening looked good, so the next step was to find a nearby transplant center on the Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network. This hospital would be where I got detailed tests like a CT scan and EKG, and ultimately, it’ll be where I undergo surgery. More on this in a future post!

What it was like:

I didn’t have to pay for any of this. The USA has very clear rules that organ donors are not responsible for any costs associated with organ transplants. No health insurance needed, either.

The NKR held my hand and made it easy to know where to go, and what to do.

I got a lot of emails from NKR and Quest Diagnostics. No physical paperwork needed.

I did have to go in person to the Quest Lab and the transplant center for screening. Since I live in a large city, it was easy to find one of each within driving distance. If you’re in a smaller town you might have a longer trip ahead, or you might need to arrange transportation if you can’t drive.

What was the hardest part?

The blood sample! I have tiny veins that are hard to stick a needle into, so the phlebotomist at Quest made me drink a whole water bottle and wait an extra 30 minutes. Drink plenty of water (not soda or coffee) if you make an appointment.

If you’re afraid of needles or the sight of blood, this part might be tricky. I suggest listening to music or watching videos on your phone to distract yourself.

It can also feel awkward to give a urine sample. You go into a private bathroom alone, pee in a cup, clean up with a disinfectant wipe and wash your hands, and leave the cup in the room afterward.

You kind of have accept the awkwardness. It’s not gross to the healthcare workers; they see it every day, and they already know you pee. You and they are both here to help somebody who’s sick, and that makes a few minutes of awkwardness worthwhile.

Other tips for donors

You won’t get in trouble if your blood or urine has traces of drugs in it. Healthcare providers cannot report you to the police. And they won’t judge you; they see that stuff all the time. But it is helpful to stay sober for 24 hours before you give a sample so that the doctors have more accurate info about your health.

Check your email regularly, including your spam folder. You can set a filter with the keywords “kidney” and “donor” so all those emails go into a single folder. There’s a lot of information and this makes it easier to keep track of.

You can opt out of the process at any time. Completing the steps above does not obligate you to actually donate.