#I AM SICK TO MY STOMACH AHHHHHH

[twilight-good-yall-dumb]

I think what hurts my 1D fan heart the most right now is that I never expected a real reunion. Never in a million years did I actually believe the band would get back together. If I was being extra hopeful, maybe a performance, maybe a song, MAYBE a little stunt to finally perform some of MITAM. But even those things were just my heart reaching a little too far. Really, all I ever wanted was for someday, when they were ready, maybe for the 15th anniversary, for them to simply get together. I wanted to see them all smiling in a room. I would be elated knowing that one last time they came together and let us know that they were alright, that they'd survived and that they were happy now, that they were reconciled.

And now? Even if any of those other things materialized, even if by some insane cosmic interference the four of them "got back together" and gave us an album, a tour, press, and performances (which will certainly not happen), I would still be heartbroken. Unsatisfied. Because now, my one dream, my simple hope to see all of them together will never, can never, come true. And that hurts my heart more than anything.

I just wish they were all here still. Even just knowing that was a comfort to me. Even if my simplest wish had never come true, I'd be so much happier with a Liam who got to release more music and be a father for longer and become a better version of himself. Things were finally getting better for all of the boys. They were finally healing. And then this. They're together again sure, but they're missing one. They're not healed and they're not happy. They're devastated. And so am I.

God, I'm not sure I'll ever get over it, and maybe that makes me a little insane. I'm not sure. But I will always miss him. Nearly fifteen years of him as a pillar in my life will not be so easily forgotten. <3

[kiyokostan]

wait wait i'm sorry i'm about to act like a little freak about this but this is so making the bed by olivia rodrigo coded WAAITT

LIKEEEEE???

i'm hyperventilating thinking about this

i am unwell. thank you

mirage | suna rintarou

six | ping pong match

masterlist

ignore timestamps

cw/notes: drunkenness

the "^^ I've been wondering that" was supposed to be from yachi but memimessage hates me

yn's are supposed to be drunk texts, so lets all imagine they're kinda fucked

if yn seems out of character, don't come for me, she's drunk (stay AWAY from me anons!)

round of applause of atsumu

yn likes iwa, she'll eventually text him about this. but the kiss felt weird to her

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@softpia @hyenagoated

[hirsheyskisses]

Hey, psst! I have a little request, that might be of your interest - it‘s quite fluffy ఌ

So the trope;

„Come on, try one! I sat hours on these!“

„Don’t make me taste the most bread like sweets in existence, idiot.“

You made cinnamon buns, the Heart pirates love your creation, but who is avoiding the kitchen at all costs? Of course - tall, dark and brooding white hat.

Will he eat the infamous cinnamon buns? Is he possibly risking his life for you, because he can’t stand the cute pout you exaggeratedly flash at him?

(You can choose the scenario)

I‘ll leave the fluff expertise to you ✨

Cinnamon Bun Chaos

TRAFALGAR LAW x READER

Summary: Law can't seem to shake the uneasy feeling he's had since he's awoken. Is it the smell? Or perhaps he's sick.. and then.. oh dear. Will he give in to that cute, cute pout of yours?

A/N: help this was so frigging cute to write 😭 @ems-c-lee you know I've gotta do it! AHHHHHH *violent screeching over doc ensues*

The first thing he'd noticed when he'd woken up was an odd, cinnamon and - very sweet smelling thing. Wearily blinking his eyes, body heavy from sleep, Law raised his head off his desk, noting he must've fallen asleep during another study. Limbs stretching, and allowing his mind to wake up, he noted the still hot coffee that had been placed on his desk. Of course, he thought, the slightest of smiles gracing his features, (Name)-ya always anticipates when ill wake. Taking the cup and stealing a quick sip from it, Law pulled on a hoodie and made to exit his room.

However, the moment he did, he was hit with a wave of unease. That smell was turning his stomach, just a bit. Which was odd. Being the ship's cook, he had always loved most of your cooking. Each flavor complimented the other, and while his sleepy mind could only tell cinnamon from the smell, he didn't mind cinnamon. Well, it could be how sweet it smells. He wasn't the largest fan of sweets, but what could possibly go wrong?

Each step increased that slightly uneasy feeling. His mind slipped away from the smell, for it couldn't be that: worry drifting into his mind. Somethings wrong. Something must be. Maybe its with me? Am I sick? This feeling could easily be sickness, and I'm mixing it up with anxiety. Ugh.

Opening the door to the kitchen, Law made a mental note to keep a physical distance from anyone until he did a check-up on himself. He was met with the kitchen to be crowded-

"These are so good, (Name)! Why didn't you make these sooner?!"

"My stomach is.. in heaven."

"Thats weird, dude!"

There you were. Leaning against the counter with a satisfied glint in your eyes, laughing at the crews antics with whatever it was you had made. Yet that feeling, it worsened, but in the moment, Law chose to ignore it, feeling his mind melt when your smile directed at him.

"Captain! You're up early." You greeted, moving over to meet him. Law nodded, taking a quick drink from his coffee. "Had a weird feeling. It's a bit early for breakfast." He glanced at the crew, who'd hadn't noticed him. "I'll get breakfast started in a few, yeah. I decided I'd mess around and make an old favorite though! Cinnabuns!"

Oh. Oh that's why he had a weird feeling.

"...bread." Law stated, raising an eyebrow. He found himself physically withdrawing himself closer to the door, and you laughed, "hardly! Sure it's made from dough but it's delicious! Cinnamon and sugary and gooey goodness!"

Law mentally cringed, and by now, the three others in the kitchen had taken note of Law's presence. Penguin chimed in, "mornin' Captain! She's absolutely right, you should try one!"

Bepo, who was currently looking like his brain had gone to heaven, "they're amazing!" And Sachi, "I bet you might even like it! It's (Name)'s cooking, after all."

"No way. Keep that bread nonsense away from me." Law grumbled, slowly moving towards the door. You chuckled softly at his movements, staring up at him with doe like eyes.

"Captain.. I spent hours on these.. atleast try it! One small bite?"

You pleaded with him, knowing damn well what his weakness was. Puppy eyes. That way you peered up at him, eyes so wide and innocent, a smallest of pouts resting on your face. It didn't help that Bepo was right behind him, staring at Law with that damn adorable fuzzy face. He could barely resist Bepo, let alone you. And with the two of you combined?

"...don't make me try the most breadlike sweets in existence, idiot!"

You had him backed to the wall, still staring at him, and god he was struggling. "Captain.. jist one bite! I promise I won't make you try any other bread thing againnnnn.." honestly, you weren't even aiming to make him try it: but the way he was squirming was absolutely precious, his ears turning pink as he mentally battled the pros and cons.

"...Room."

"Ack! Scatter!" Penguin shouted, laughter filling the kitchen once again as you all scrambled to escape, but it was futile. Atleast it was for you. One second, you were almost out the door, and then-

"-shambles."

You were in Law's. You could never quite get used to his powers moving you around, it was rather disorienting for your mind. Looking back, you saw him: tall, stoic, a shadow over his eyes, ..and a cinnamon bun in his hand.

"Cap- Law," you corrected yourself. In private, he insisted you call him by his first name. In public.. well, the crew wasn't aware the two of you were dating, so you kept it professional with them. Even if you both weren't aware the crew had long since figured out you both were dating. "-you don't actually need to try it, I was just teasing-"

He raised a hand to silence you. "..just.. give me a minute." Law was glaring at the sweet bread treat in his hand, mentally battling if it was worth taking a bite. Even now when you reassured him of that, you still had those expectant, curious doe like eyes and that cute pout on your face.

You watched as he took a bite, slow and cautious. He was expressionless, chewing it for what seemed like hours, before swallowing and setting the treat down on his desk.

Slowly, the man moved towards you. You laughed nervously, stepping away with each step towards you, "..was it good?"

He moved closer until your back was to the wall, and he was right in front of you. Tattooed hands gripped at your shoulders as he lowered his forehead to rest on yours, staring at you intently. "...law?" You questioned, unsure if he was having some sort of allergic reaction, or post cinnabun crisis, but you shied away regardless.

"...." He dropped his head on your shoulder and pulled you close- tighter than usual.

"..if it wasn't bread, it might've been good." He forced out at last, pressing his face into your neck. "But please, dear heavens, never make me eat that again."

A relieved breath escaped you as you laughed, wrapping your arms around your tense boyfriend, "Roger that! ...I'll make not bread Cinnamon buns then! ..somehow."

"I'd like that."

[willsilvertongue]

AHHHHHH SHE'S BAAAAAACK!!! what did you think of the suck session ending?

SHE SURE IS and thank you for allowing me to pick up right where i left off of lmao bc my mind is still firmlyyy in succession mode 😌

ok so honestly i don't know if this is a divided opinion (i have seen many of those this season) but i was quite satisfied with the ending! i was actually willing to take anything they were going to give me bc i knew it would make sense so my expectations were in order, but what they ended with felt like the right direction even if they /could've/ taken other routes.

the last shot of shiv with tom was the only time i didn't know how to feel since she HAD bagged the most secure place in this whole situation but it absolutely wasn't evident on her face. i didn't know whether to believe people saying she trapped herself to a fate of misery but this post explained everything that led to that moment quite nicely. there are losses but also some wins and for once she had the final say in making those decisions which i love for her. also feeling happier and hopeful about tomshiv now that i've come to terms with kendall's ending. SPEAKING OF-

i am very happy with this one. i am sick over what happened to him and the way in which it unraveled and of course the last few minutes where i kept thinking he had offed himself and NO ONE HAD NOTICED, but that last scene was so beautiful and serene and honestly just. really reassuring to me. my thing is that yes maybe he does eventually kill himself after the credits roll, he does say he'd die if he didn't become CEO etc BUT it's important that the show ended the way it did, with kendall sitting down on that bench. with the camera panning back to colin. i just feel like small details like that plant the seed of ambiguity into the ending and let the viewers decide what's going to happen which is really nice. an open ending like /that/, while being thematically consistent with the show, is just also a very thoughtful way to go out

i do think the season as a whole could've used more gerri and stewy but especially gerri buuut once again i will take what i got! this finale gave me the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows and that's everything i wanted to experience.

and yeah in the end it wasn't a shocking finale or episode bc the episode was going to end one way or the other, but it does feel very Succession-like to let the character you're rooting for almost nearly get what they want and lose it so very narrowly, and then have the reason for that boil down to "i love you. but i cannot fucking stomach you."

[taserblade]

so today in my insane delusional absolutely batshit life:

hot manager opened today which i always love!! gave him a big hug when i came in and he lifted me up like always (makes me feel like a princess fr) and i said said its fun being tall, n then he lifted me higher so i could touch the ceiling!! later, he called me into the office to show me he shaved his chest n his stomach and he let me feel it AHHHHHH it was great!! then later, when we were in the shed together and he gave me another hug n started feelin me up and holY SHIT I WAS AB TO MAKEOUT WITH HIM RIGHT THERE and genuinely the next time he looks at me like that i fucking will. anyways, he asked me if he made me flustered like motherfucker it is DRIPPING AND U KNOW IT U ASSHOLE like holy shit.

sadly he left early today, and i also didnt get a break which sucked :-(( but i did get a free meal outta it so i got some sides bc i had chicken marinating in the fridge n had a great dinner (that i barely ate bc i am best ana yes sir).

also, now that im getting better, the bf is sick which sucks :-(( but we have plans later in the week so i hope he feels better soon. assuming he has what i had, he should be okay by day 4!! but it did knock me on my ass for two good days so…

anyways, it was a good day :-))

[somebodylovesyougcv]

do you guys ever In your basement i grow cold thinking back to what i was always told don’t talk to strangers or you might fall in love freezer bride your sweet divine you devour like smoked bovine hide how funny i never considered myself tough you’re so handsome walking over to me now i tried to be good am I no good am i no good am i no good with my memory restricted to a Polaroid in evidence i just wanted to be yours can i be yours can i be yours just tell me im yours if im turning in your stomach and im making you feel sick when my mother sees me on the side of a milk carton in Winn Dixie’s dairy aisle she’ll cry and wait up for me we’ll make love in your attic all night euphoric in some strange delight im happier here because he told me i should be oh you’re so handsome when im all over your mouth when im all when im all over your mouth i tried to be good am i no good am I no good am i no good with my memory restricted to a Polaroid in evidence I just wanted to be yours can i be yours can i be yours just tell me im yours if im turning in your stomach and im making you feel sick am i making you feel sick ahhhhhh ahhhhhh ahhhhhh am I making you feel sick am i making you feel am i making you feel sick am i making you feel sick phoned you just to tell you that I made it real far and I didn’t ever blame you for loving me the way that you did while you were torn apart I would still wait with you there don’t think about it too hard or you’ll never sleep a wink at night again don’t worry bout me and these green eyes mama just know that I love you and I’ll see you when you get here

[gothsuguru]

ARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII I FUCKING LOVE YOU <333 also methinks this pic is very US <3

ARI 🥹🩷 I LOVE YOU LIKE YOU ACTUALLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU MEAN 2 ME AND HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOUR THOUGHTS/COMMENTS LIKE <333 sniffling……. sobbing……. smooching your brain pleek know that i am holding your hand rn <3 LIKE DOES ARINATION KNOW THAT I LOVE THEM SO MUCH??? THEY BETTER 🗣️🗣️🗣️ sniffling i adore you so much & omg thank you again for taking the time to write all of this i know it takes a while to do it so the fact that you even DID it makes me sniffle <3 love you adore you would die for you etc… SMOOCH <3 🩷💋

knuckle kisses are a favorite of mine they’re just so full of devotion so pure in a way … love how often they appeared in the fic and how soft they make him 🥺🥺

- A FELLOW KNUCKLE KISS LOVER 🤝 i agree wholeheartedly omfg it’s literally one of THEE most devoted acts someone can do it’s just SO intimate…….. makes me go insane <3 AND AHHHHHH i’m so glad you caught that! i really wanted to introduce a knuckle kiss in every section whether it be a quick one/one that is very intimate……. bc at the end of the day sugu is gonna be soft for it no matter what 🤭

I LOVEEEEE UR DESCRIPTIONS I LOVE UR IMAGERY (<- will be repeating this often i think BUT I MEAN IT OK) and ohhhhh my fucking god kairo….. one thing abt ur sugu is that he is a SAP and that’s canon to me. u Get him. HE’S SUCHHHH A ROMANTIC THE PROMISE RINGS W UR BIRTHSTONES????? ack i’m just . the way every single he does has a thought behind it… a sentiment….. he’s the sweetest ever :(((

- THANK YOU SM I WAS SO WORRIED ABT THAT SO YOU SAYING THAT YOU LIKED THEM 😮‍💨 WHEW THANK GOD. AGREED HE’S 1000000% A SENTIMENTALIST SAP <3 and soooooo FKN romantic like……… the aquamarine birthstone shook me at first i like ofc his birthstone is a bright blue gem (satosugu soulmatism) and YES intertwining his birthstone w reader’s is so <333 devotion on 100 <3

i truly do adore ur writing….. it blows my MIND that this is ur first real fic like u are so talented. it makes me sick to my stomach actually. i need to give u the nobel prize in literature these words of praise wont do …. 😞😞😞 AND AHEHWHDHHDHFHDHFHFH THE TONGUE PIERCINGGGGGGGG THE ARI/KAIRO HIVEMIND IS SO REAL i love. ur sugu. not just the mental descriptions but the physical too. like the piercings…. the tattoos…. sigh. he’s so sexy it makes me angry. and the way he gets shyyyy 🥺🥺🥺 he’s a baby . our baby

- NOBEL PRIZE OF LITERATURE NEEDS TO GO TO YOU FOR EVERY SINGLE FIC YOU’VE WRITTEN/WILL WRITE. i need you to know the gingko tree comparison in your kenny fic stays in my brain………. your words are soooo powerful they literally infiltrate my every thought i’m NAWT kidding. AND DJJDJDJDJDJD TONGUE PIERCING YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT I LOVE MY MEN TATTED/PIERCED/SCARRED UP 🤭🤝 sugu is so sexy it makes me need my inhaler………….

had to take a breather after this literally nothing gets me as weak as flower imagery + ribcage imagery and when they’re COMBINED?? i feel ill. i feel like a sheet of paper abt to be blown away into the sunset.

- I LOOOOOOOVE RIBCAGE IMAGERY AND I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THE FLOWER IMAGERY TOO!!!!!! daffodils……. sugu’s birth flower…….. sniffles <3 I ALSO FEEL LIKE A SHEET OF PAPER ABT TO BLOWN AWAY INTO THE SUNSET……. ari do you ever feel like……………… a plastic bag……. drifting thru the wind….. wanting 2 start again 😖😖😖

AND READER ;;;;; they’re so devoted i love the direction u took with them they rlly do feel like his knight in shining armor…. they’re both so smitten and protective and nurturing and it makes me soo :((( so emotional. i think sugu is the most devoted man alive so to be w someone who returns that treatment!!! …….. they could fix him idc

- THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!!!!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA OMG 🥹🥰 i’m BEYOND ecstatic that you loved the direction of a devoted!reader bc i, in my heart of hearts, believe that suguru needs someone as devoted as him in his life + he needs someone he can tend to/have a silly lil s/o…….. like he LOVES being a nurturer <3 AND YESSSSS they’re both sooooo smitten & protective of another they make me insane. reader is so crazy watch them make him worse and he’s just like :3 love my baby <3

this genuinely made me melt into a puddle MY PRETTY LITTLE BABY… THE HEADPATS….. MY WEAKNESSES i started purring i won’t lie. humans can’t purr but i rlly did. aaaaa and the way reader just melts….. 🥺🥺 they’re the cutest little guy ever and sugu just loves babying them sm… they’re my everything……….

- PLEEK READER IS JUST A LITTLE GUY……… A LIL GOOBER……….. i’m such a SUCKER for any rendition of “my pretty little _” it itches my brain so good <3 & HE’S SUCH A HEAD PATTER he loves praising his s/o <3 AND YESSSSS YOU GET IT HE LOOOOOOVES BABYING THEM methinks it’s his favorite pastime <3

this is canon to me btw sugu 100% kisses just like this like he’s so intense in a way but also so soft?? def the type to kiss u until ur brain is all fuzzy and he has to cradle u so so softly or else u’ll just crumble into a pile of mush ….

- MHMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. INTENSE BUT SOFT. SOOOOOO HIMMMMMMMM. omfg don’t get me started………. i have an image in my brain where reader is in his lap and he’s cradling them while they’re kissing and it makes me crazy…….. reader’s brain is so hazy and suguru needs to hold them lest they Faint And Pass Out in the arms of a bad bitch…….. like how embarrassing would that be omfg </3

SO CUTEEEE i love how this fic is just BRIMMING w gifts!!!! things u get sugu, things he got u, things haibara and nanami got him, things u get satoru .. etc etc etc. there were so many mentions of things being given and it’s just so :((( this fic is just dripping w love and care …. it means sm to meee

- WEEEEEEE (imagine i’m on a swing and saying that) I’M SO GLAD YOU CAUGHT THAT!!!!!! i think they’re both suchhhhhhhh gift-givers that’s DEFFO one of their love languages! always getting e/o something whether it be big or small just to let the other person know they’re thinking of them! AND YESSSSSS the besties are no exception <3 hainana giving sugu a personalized gift and reader giving toru flowers/desserts 🥹🥹🥹 thank you for saying that the fic is dripping w love and care omfg that means the WORLD to me

ALSOOOOO THE TOJI CHARM PDHKFVFKFJF OH I KNOW HE WAS FUMING …… silly little man getting jealous over a hot anime guy…. reader only has eyes for u dummy !! (idk abt kairo though i think ur gonna have to fight toji for her attention sugu 😔😔😔 …)

- LMFAOOOOOOOOO LISTENNNNNNNNNNNN. i just KNOW sugu was real life doing this 😒😑 like who is that man……… HE IS DEFFO THE TYPE TO GET REAL LIFE JEALOUS OVER HOT ANIME GUYS like 😭😭😭 reader is real asf tho……. toji lover nation UNITE. suguru is such a HATER™️ to his core i love that abt him <3 OMFG………. i have a way where everyone can win…………. sugu & toji i got two hands………… do w that info what y’all will!

THEIR DYNAMIC IS SOOOOO FUCKING SWEET i firmly sincerely believe that sugu belongs with a silly reader . it just makes sense to me. he’s sooo smitten w them!!! ur his silly little goose !!! <33

- AGREED 1000000000000% I CAN TRUST YOU TO ALWAYS MF GET IT!!!!!!!! HE NEEEEEEDS A SILLY READER JUST A LOVABLE DUMBASS!!!!!!! HE’S MOROSEXUAL I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL!!!!!! YES HE LOVES HIS SILLY LITTLE GOOSE…….. HIS SILLY LITTLE BUNNY…….. sugu’s so smitten <3

my knees buckled THE . the grabbing ur face…. to get ur attention.,,.. CANONNNNNN IT’S SOOOO SUGU I DIED and don’t get me started on the sitting on his face. stupid silly man it wasn’t even his own joke smh ……….. i did melt into a puddle though u wrote him a lil too suave 😵‍💫

- GAGGED ME A BIT TOO LIKE OMFG if he ever grabbed my face………. nsfw moments would happen i fear. PLEASNDMDNSN he’s such a snake like why would you steal reader’s line like that omfg fake ass Bitch. AND DJJDJDJDJD THANK YEWWWWW he’s so suave when he wants to be <3

AAAAAAAAA THEY REALLY ARE JUST…. i adore their dynamic i doooooo READER IS SO SILLY i love the implication that they were just like . ”if u wanna kill me pls sit on my face king <333” they’re so real actually AND WAHHH SUGU BEING ALL GRUMPY 😭😭 he’s such a brat it’s TRUE and we don’t talk abt it enough….

- REAL ASF TOO LIKE. methinks they were on a late night drive and sugu parked somwhere dark & secluded so reader said “if you took me here to kill me… i’ll have you know sitting on my face would be much easier. much more preferred.” and sugu just choked on his cherry icee/slurpee while blushing and scolding them but also making out w them so hard in the car <3 then promptly sitting on reader’s face when they got back home <3 love them sm <3 YOU’RE SOOOOOOOOO FKN RIGHT he’s such a grump AND a BRAT and no one talks abt it like omfg he’s sooooo bratty and huffy and spoiled sometimes 😭

like i can visualize him so clearly and he’s so gorgeous it makes me feel sick it rlly isn’t fair 😞😞😞…. all the piercings…. save me kairo i’m abt to crumble……

- i’m sooooooo happy you liked that part :’) sugu w the hairpin… the piercings… the sweater… boyfie <3

AAAAAA THESE SMALL DETAILS ALWAYS GET ME he offers u the bigger half but u take the smaller one ����🥺🥺 i feel like just these two lines depict their dynamic so well. they’re always always looking out for each other :(((

- HEHEHEHEHEHEHE YOU CAUGHT THAT I KNEWWWWW YOU WOULD 🥹 i wanted to highlight them looking out for e/o in a small way and i figured one person giving the bigger half and the other choosing the smaller half was the best way hehehe <3

AND THIS 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 kairo u understand him….. u Get it…….. i can’t not see him as a huge dork like that’s just what he is. he can act mysterious and suave and cool all he wants but we know the truth!! he’s a lil nerdy dork and it’s the most charming thing abt him <3333 reader’s love for him is also so palpable here …. they love all sides of him so dearly ☹️☹️☹️

- EXAAAAAAAACTLY at the core of suguru is a Dork……. Nerd…………. Goober. methinks he’s suchhhhhhh an astronomy nerd <3 he has so many facets and that’s one of em <3

SOOOOOOO FUCKING REAL THEY’RE SO ME i need sugu to scold me i think it would fix me entirely

- PLEASENDNDNDNND I HAD TO like…….. need suguru to scold me sooooooo badddddddddd idk why he can tell me off and i’d be MAJOR heart eyes <3

PHDIFJFJFJJD READER’S DIALOGUE GOT SO MANY GIGGLES OUT OF ME i support their maybe possibly a scam gift giving tendencies <333

- 😭😭😭 AND THEY’RE REAL TOO! i was looking up online that buying/naming stars is a scam sometimes & reader was just like damn…….. it’s the thought that counts who gives af <3 and they were RIGHT! sugu was HYPED regardless 🤭

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫K😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 KA 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 KAIR 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 KAIROOOOOO U CAN’T…… JUST CASUALLY MENTION THE NIP PIERCINGS………….,.,,, 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I’M ALREADY ON THE FLOOR PLS LET ME BREATHE FOR A SECOND ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

- YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT like TRUST that sugu has nip piercings…….. a belly button piercing………. and a **** piercing <3

(also <33 ur descriptions <3333 yeah. need this man on top of me asap preferably suffocating me w his giant tiddies WHO SAID THAT)

- “need this man on top of me asap preferably suffocating me w giant tiddies WHO SAID THAT” I GHOSTWROTE THIS SENTENCE I SWEAR 😖🤝

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ this part fucked me uppppppp i can’t lie it hurts so luch to imagine sugu that way but it’s also such a real and important aspect of his character!!! and it shows reader’s devotion so so clearly. they’re there for him no matter what!! and he would do the same for them!!!

- AHHHHHH i appreciate you saying that it’s such a real/important aspect of his character bc that’s what was in my mind too!!!!! i think his depression is just so. integral to his character and it’s not pretty but that’s fine bc he’s HUMAN. & YESSSSSS!!!!! reader is always there for him and he’s always there for them!!!! they’re both devoted/care for the other sooooo deeply and vice versa

THE TEXTS W SATORU PSHFODJFJJFID THEY’RE SO REALLLLL personally i think any readers paired w sugu or toru HAVE to be besties w the other one like it just makes sense…. i love the friendship between all three of them in this !!! toru loves both reader and sugu sm and they love him right back <333

- HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE I LOVEDDDDDDD THE TEXTS 😭🩷 toru really is my bestie like he’s reader’s bestie he’s your bestie he’s sugu’s bestie he’s EVERYONE’S bestie everyone needs a satoru gojo in their lives <3 THANK YOUUUUUU their friendship is soooooo important to me they love each other so much :>

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️i sniffled. he’s physically incapable of not being tender when he’s with them…. and the way he makes sure to let them know he loves them even in such a miserable state… the way he’s thinking of them and tending to them hhhhhh i love him sm 💔💔💔

- ^^^ HE IS SOOOOOO TENDER i think again it falls into his nurturing/paternal tendencies like he’ll look after them even if he’s in no state to! like sugu omg focus on yourself rn bae

I LOVED THIS SO MUCH reader is so so caring and devoted like they’re just overflowing w affection!!! just like sugu!!!! reading this made me so so happy aaaaa ….., all their favorites!!! :(((( sniffle sniffle they’re the cutest ever …. made me hungry too 💔

- HEHEHEHE THANK YOUUUUUUU THEY’RE A LOVER TO THEIR CORE 🗣️🗣️🗣️

just so vibrant so warm so sweet!!!! i literally saw it unfold in my brain anime style LMAO like the warm lighting!!! the tears!!! i’ve been watching too much haikyuu smh i pictured it just like an emotional hq scene….. just so gorgeous and tender

- OMG I’M TUCKING THIS COMMENT INSIDE MY HEART 😭😭😭 HAIKYUU!! STYLE OH I FUCKING LOVE YOUUUUUUU omg the warm lighting/tears/anime vibes that’s LITERALLY how i pictured it too like a literal hq! emotional scene 😭 sunset in the bg wind is flowing people are sobbing etc

READER IS SOOOOOOOOOOO DEVOTED IT ACHES this is exactly what sugu deserves!!!! and the vow… the oath….. u alr know how i feel abt those this made me a lil insane

- VOWS & OATHS MAKE US SOOOOOOO INSANE LIKE……. the DEPTH of their devotion…….. disgusting. i love it so much

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 KAIRO? STOP MENTIONING THESE THINGS IN PASSING DO U WANT ME TO DIE BE HONEST ohhhhhh he WOULD get ur name tattooed wouldnt he….. and i would simply fall to my knees and weep HE IS A SAP AND I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING

- :3 HEHEHEHEHEHEHE he ABSOLUTELY WOULD. like he deffo tatted it from a time where you wrote your name in a bday card or something and he was like……… putting this behind my ear where it will reside near my temples forever and ever <3

LOVEEEEEE THIS DYNAMIC THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE gentle bf x manhandling gf…….. the only dynamic ever…………

- MHMMMMMM YOU GET IT 🗣️🗣️🗣️ my reader is so silly they just start turbowashing his hair w no regard for his life omfg…….. rip sugu’s hair follicles you WILL be missed 💔😩🫡😖

i think his relation to his family was strained at best and that’s definitely the case for almost every sorcerer born into a non-sorcerer family….. one of my personal hcs when it comes to sugu is that his lying personality formed when he was very young, because of his ability to see curses :(( i can just picture him telling his parents and being terrified only to have them scold him for it…. because who would take that kind of talk seriously? and that reaction resulting in him just kind of… shutting himself off from the the world. not really trusting anyone to understand him.

- oh you 1000000% get it and that’s how i personally see it too! i pictured his family life to be one where he got scolded for saying there were curses and then his parents got upset bc they thought he was lying/going crazy and making stuff up bc they couldn’t see what he was seeing….. and i HEAVILY agree i think over time he would just lie abt not seeing stuff! maybe his eyes are off to the side looking at his curse and his parents are saying “what’re you looking at?” suguru with a closed eyed smile: “nothing” :) i think that’s how he got thru his teenage years just lying. and then i also think it affected his mental health bc he probably thought he was overthinking stuff/going insane but in reality he was just a boy who saw things others couldn’t……. his backstory is sooooo clouded so i love just thinking abt him when he was younger and his home life. & i agree HEAVILY again on him not really trusting others/not feeling like anyone understands him

obv those r just my thoughts on canon sugu but i LOVE the way u depict his family and their dynamic here bc it’s literally exactly how i picture it too!!! not entirely loveless, but strained. suffocating. a cold kind of household where he can’t be himself :(( it just makes sm sense in my head u just described his feelings abt it so so well!!! i did in fact cry LMAO it resonated w me so deeply!!!

- thank you SO much that actually means the world to me! i think we both have SUCH similar views on suguru and his family life/backstory! yes - not entirely loveless but it’s…….. strained & suffocating & not really healthy lmao. like they’re family deep down they love each other but his parents just have a shitty way of showing it. and YEAH a cold household but on the outside they act super warm…….. </3 AWHHHHHHH ARI OMG here have a tissue i am holding you softly in my arms 🫂

my favorite flavor of conservative father is the one who’s so deep in the closet it’s turned into a casket like … ”he went through the same thing when he was his age”……. ohhhh dad i have some news for u……….

- HDJDJDJDBDJDHDHDHD listen since i’m a LOVER of hot mean dilfs ummmmmm i made his dad sexy and bi whether his dad knows it or not 😭 he’s like “we’ve all kissed boys 🙄🙄🙄” and suguru & his mom are just like ??? like mr. geto was fine asf back in the day in my brain and is STILL fine asf. just stupid and cold tho 😭

i picture his father as being very cold, very strict, very controlling, while his mother is loving but in a very conditional way. and her reaction here hurts the most because she isn’t lashing out, she’s just . acting like it didn’t even happen

- YOU GET HIS FATHER PERFECTLY!!!!!! deffo the strict dad, v cold & controlling & overly protective. and yes!!!!! his mom is like…… hmmmm how do i say it she’s kinda like someone who is an overt-babier? like she always thinks that suguru is her little baby boy and can’t do anything by himself so she has to hold his hand like soooooo suffocating and that makes suguru so. icked out he’s like i’m my own fucking man! makes him want to be the one in control of his own life no matter what! i think suguru has control issues also just putting that out there // and yeah i think that’s the part that hurt suguru the most is that she just acted like it never happened.

THIS IS THE PART WHERE I CRIEDDDDDD OK IT JUST GOT TO ME i am so weak for ….. found family……….. characters finding a home of their own after growing up in a broken one…..,., sugu finding all the comfort he needs in his beloved angel :(( a person that he chose himself!!! who loves him and makes him feel safe!!!! sighhhh they mean the world to me they do…..

- ARI MY BABYYYYYYYYYY I’M HUGGING YOU SO HARD RN AHHHHHH NOW I’M WEEPING 😭 YES!!!!!! CHOOSING YOUR PERSON!!!!! THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE!!!!

AAAAAAAA I ADORED THIS PART SO SM IT’S SO FUNNY AND SWEET 😭😭😭😭😭 sugu is just soooooooo angry and protective i love the idea that this particular comment got to him the most bc he can handle abuse towards himself but to his beloved?????? yeahhhhh no . papabear sugu coming out INSTANTLY. and reader just thinks it’s funny ohhhh their dynamic kairo 💔💔💔 my protector…. always………. i collapsed my head hit the concrete etc etc THEY PROTECT EACH OTHER SO EFFORTLESSLY SO FERVENTLY protective sugu just gets me so weak…..

- !!!!!!!!!! SUGURU IS 1000000000000% THE PARTNER WHO GETS PISSED IF SOMEONE SAYS SHIT TO/ABOUT HIS S/O! like shit talk him all you want he really doesn’t gaf but if you talk about his s/o? he’s hexing you and shouting at you and also plotting murder <3 reader is so funny they’re just like :3 hehehehehe :3 they don’t gafffffff 😭😭😭 PROTECTOR!SUGU ALSO GETS ME SO WEAK OMFG MY HUSBAND

READER IS THE REALEST AS ALWAYS sugu being jealous of ur favorite fictional character is still so real to me like he’s such a little loser ….. do we think he would put on the compression shirt + sweatpants combo just to get u to drool over him instead of toji yes or yes

- NDNDNDNDND HE IS THE TYPE TO GET REAL LIFE JEALOUS AND BE SUCH A HATER LIKE OMFG 😭 oh you already know he would……….. compression shirt + sweatpants combo and all reader says is “damn. toji wore it better.” and then suguru just tries to jump out of their window </3 THEY’RE BOTH STILL GONNA SMASH THO BC SUGU LOOKS SEXY AS HELL!

I LOVEEEEEEE UR SUGU SM I TRULY DO he just wants to fix anything that’s wrong … wants u to depend on him so badly …….. wants to make u happy always always always 💔💔💔 i can imagine him being soooo frustrated when u don’t allow him to help like i think that’s the one thing that he just can’t stand. he needs u to need him :((( needs to soothe u or else he spirals </3

- he’s sooooooooooo. insane. like he just ALWAYS needs to be in the know and i AGREE it frustrates him when you tell him not to worry abt smthn bc he’s a certified worrier™️ he needs his s/o to depend on him he needs to nurture him he needs to feel wanted/depended on i think that is such a core part of him ��� he’s so paternal it’s almost disgusting how much he needs to be needed so i think it’s him toe-ing a fine line! he just always wants you to be happy and safe and protected that he does/says things that mayyyyyyyy be TOO much 😭 he’s self-aware and working on it tho which is good!

HE’S SOOO FATHERCODED SO MOTHERCODED just so nurturing to the point that maybe it’s a lil intense sometimes :((( and wahhhh u depicted his overthinking habits so so well…….. he’s trying so hard to be good for u!!! to be what u need!!!! :< and he’s doing so well but he can’t rlly see it…

- ^^^ you always get it like. YES. intense in his nurturing he’s SO fucking fathermother coded he’s suchhhhh a mother hen he’s such a protective dad he’s crazy. he really is his parents’ son sometimes 😭 but in a much better way than them like he’s trying so hard to be good just like you said! he just wants to keep you safe and happy and protected no matter the cost :(

i melted into a wholeee puddle one thing that always gets me weak is when sugu treats his reader like they’re fragile ….. it just gets me so soft AND HE’S SOOOO DEVOTED SO CARING IT MAKES ME WANNA CRY he just wants to make it better!!!! he has to make it better!!!!!!! :(( his overthinking is soooo clear here too….., he knows there’s a fine line between nurturing and condescending and he wants so badly not to cross it :(((( he’s just so naturally paternal like he truly is… motherly men my beloveds <3333 but it hurts to see him be so hard on himself !!

- MHMMMMMM HE DOES DO THAT!!!!!! he treats them like a baby/fawn like something to be nurtured…… protected…… and he just always wants to FIX things it’s in his nature i think he’s been like that since he was a teenager 😭 AND I’M SO GLAD YOU SAID HIS OVERTHINKING NATURE IS CLEAR OMG WHAT A RELIEF!!!!! not for him but for me that you noticed that <3 ^^^ motherly men oh yeah he’s deffo a mommy. a daddy. in both an insane way and a weird way idk suguru is kinda crazy in the head

SUGU AND HIS DADDY ISSUES MEAN THE WORLD TO MEEEEE this feels so canon too….. U AREN’T LIKE HIM AT ALLLL SUGU UR THE SWEETEST GUY IN THE WORLD :((((( sniffle…. he overthinks sm but he really is so wonderful…….

- SUGU AND HIS DADDDDDD they make me crazy…….. i imagined his dad to be such a hot mean dilf but also just someone who had outdated views on what it means to be “the man of the house” like it was definitely a patriarchal house! REAL! he tries so hard not to be like his father like that’s his worst nightmare omg 😭 you’re so much better than him sugubear i PROMISE you king

READER IS SO REAL FOR THIS i’m like that too 😭😭😭 AND KAIROOOOOOO HERE WE GO AGAIN I JUST CANT CATCH A BREAK IN THIS HOUSE SMH sugu w …. reading glasses ……… 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 i genuinely started breathing so heavily he’s so sexy it pains me

- I KNEWWWWWW YOU WOULD LOVE THE READING GLASSES OMG ME AND YOU ARE LIKE THIS 🤞🏼 him in glasses is sooooooo sexy it makes me clinically insane i need him sooooooooo bad it makes me look STUPID

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 this was just the sweetest thing.,. i KNOW it meant sm to sugu too like u just get him kairo….. he’s a sentimentalist!!! he WOULDDD cry i know he would it’s canon …. sugu is a crier to me i think he falters sm when he’s faced with a love that’s so tender and warm :(((

- HEHEHEHEHE THE BIGGEST SENTIMENTALIST!!!!!!! HE LOVES PERSONALIZED PRESENTS THE MOST IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!! he’s a creative so anytime someone gives him something that they created from their heart/soul he treasures it SO dearly that it melts his heart like it makes him SOOOOO emotional 🥺 agreed omg he’s really sensitive sometimes and definitely a crier when he’s overwhelmed w such tender emotions <3

KAIROOOOOO I GENUINELY MWLTED i know ive said that like 50 times so far BUT THIS TIME I RLLY RLLY MEAN IT like it was just…… attack after attack…….. hitting every single one of my weak spots…… this scene made me feel so SOFT i thought i was gonna turn into jelly :(( the soft beckoning !!!! the tears and coos and kisses !!! MY LOVE ……. MY SWEET GIRL ???????????? UR SO CRUEEEEELLLLL THAT’S MY GREATEST WEAKNESS MY BREATH HITCHED pls don’t get me started on my little dove….. pls dont ………. the fondness of it all .. i cried i need him so BAD it’s not funny anymore 😞😞😞😞😞

- AHHHHHHHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH i was soooo worried it was TOOOOOOO much but also i needed to add every little pet name in there or else i would’ve died 😭 my sweet girl & my little dove…….. sugu would 1000000% call his s/o those things while softly beckoning them over <333 he’s a Real Loverboy <3 AND A COOER! loves to coo at his baby

AAANNNDDDD THE FINALEEEE WOW WOW WOW I CRIED this was the perfect way to end it….. the devotion and loyalty and love !!!!! KISSING UR RINGGGGGGG i knowwww he wants to marry u so bad it makes him look silly AND THE WORDS :((( i hope google translate didn’t butcher it lmao BUT AAAAAAAAA i’ll love you forever…………… hhhh. just encompasses their love so well :(( it’s just so steadfast and so soft . and the promise of marriage……. sigjhhh they’re just so SMITTEN it makes me so emotional!!!! i rlly do adore their dynamic to the moon and back 🥺🥺🥺

- THE ENDING WAS SO FAST BC I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO END IT OMG BUT THANK YOU SM 😭 i was also worried i wrote it mad confusing but i’m glad that you got the idea that i wanted to present which was that he wants to marry the reader <3 AND YES YOUR GOOGLE TRANSLATE WAS RIGHT! and finally suguru kisses HIS beloved’s knuckle <3 on their promise ring <3 sniffles omg these characters are so dear to me i finally understand what writers mean when they love their lil characters like i Get it now <3 AND THANK YOU ARI OMG I’M SO THANKFUL YOU ADORE THEM HEHEHE THEY ADORE YOU TOO <3 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

AAAAAAAAA KAIRO THIS WAS JUST SUCH A TREAT……. i rlly hope u can feel alllll the love i have for this fic and u and sugu from these reactions!!!!! so many parts of this made me feel so emotional and it was just written so so well and thoughtfully……. ur characterization and imagery and everything is just so perfect !!!! :(((( this is also one of the tastiest sugu depictions i’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing (<- is still thinking abt the nip piercings PHDKFJFJFJ) u just wrote him in such a lovely way that feels so canon to me!!!!!

- EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU WROTE ME IS TUCKED DEEP INTO MY SOUL LIKE I WILL BE GOING BACK TO THIS RB SO MANY TIMES JUST TO HAPPILY READ EVERYTHING YOU SAID OMG you just got everything/understood what i wanted to show/say so i appreciate you so much :3 AHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! i’ll do my best to do better in the future! :D i need to reach ari-level one day (unattainable but i’m fine w that bc you are in a league of your own and i’m eating every single word you write in your stories………. i’m sukuna and your stories are his fingers) chomp chomp chomp……. munch munch munch <3 (also you mentioned you got a wip of comparing sugu’s eyes to the milky way……… gonna need that snippet STAT pleek & thanks 🙏🏼) AND OMFG?????????????? YOU SAYING THIS IS THE TASTIEST DESC OF SUGU YOU’VE HAD THE PLEASURE OF SEEING IS THE HIGHEST FKN PRAISE I LOVE YOUUUUU 😭🩷😭🩷😭🩷 trust bestie………. i’m thinking of those nip piercings every single day……… every single night…….. <3 & 🥹🥹🥹 THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT you saying i wrote him in a lovely way that feels canon is the best praise i can possibly receive :’) i love you so much ari omg thank you for taking the time out of your day for not only reading this but also WRITING all of this!!!!!! I APPRECIATE AND ADORE YOU SOOOO MUCH MWAH MWAH MWAH!

a treat for you………. look at his jawline. gagged.

black is the color of my true love’s hair

♡ your devotion to suguru is second to none - you would do anything for your beloved! bonded by true love, loyalty, & utter admiration, these are a few moments where suguru has been unbelievably thankful for you & smitten by your acts of love & service! (a story from my suguru geto: valentine’s day fic list!)

a/n: belated birthday fic for my beloved husband suguru geto <3 the title of the fic is based on a rendition of the song “black is the colour” by celtic woman! imo it’s the most loving & devotional song i’ve ever heard so i wanted to do a story based on those themes with my favorite black-haired man <3 MY true love <3 p.s. this is my first time ever writing an actual fic & it got a bit long because i got carried away so please bear w me! i hope you enjoy and happy valentine’s day! <3 MWAH!

- f!reader, no curses au, reader is short/blushes/has hair that can be ran through with fingers! slightly suggestive, cursing, mentions of depression/anxiety/self-destructive behaviors. but i promise this is a soft, fluffy fic! it’ll make sense when you read it! dividers are from @saradika! w.c: ~ 11.5k

it’s a simple action, really.

you tilt your head slightly to the right and lift your face up to gaze adoringly at him through your lashes, a mirthful twinkle dancing in your eyes. a soft smirk coupled with a light blush adorns your angelic features, a precious look, which suguru has come to be utterly enchanted by due to the loving action that follows immediately after.

you catch him off guard the first time you do it.

the first time you kiss suguru’s knuckles, he falters.

it’s the way that you do it. naturally & effortlessly, as if it’s like second nature, that causes suguru to stop in his tracks and dedicate all of his attention to you.

his mesmerizing gaze is directed at you, molten gold eyes inquisitive. irrevocably fond.

he attentively watches as you softly grab his large warm hand in your small cold one. his hands are slightly rough yet supple due to his religious use of the honey-almond handcream you bought him earlier in the week.

he notices, rather than intertwining your fingers with his own and holding them, you smoothly bring his hand up to your face, wrapping your digits loosely around the perimeter of his long slender fingers.

your thumb gingerly caresses his ring finger (the one that holds a devout vow of eternal love), your featherlight touch raising wonderful shivers across his body. with the utmost care, you delicately, as if he’s made out of precious china, brush your supple glossed lips against his fingers, relishing in the coolness of his promise ring that encases both his aquamarine birthstone & your own.

your low-lidded enamored eyes never leave his affectionately curious ones — both of you preciously holding the other ones gaze. eyes locked in a staring contest of love.

utterly content with his undivided attention, you gently press a soft kiss to his knuckles.

a sign of affection.

an act, a promise, of complete & utter devotion.

his pierced eyebrow raises slightly due to the suaveness of your actions. he tries to gather his bearings, his brain fuzzy with your actions — did you actually just do that?

suguru’s amber eyes widen significantly, soft black eyelashes fluttering like raven wings against the tan of his cheek that’s blushed with a hue of raspberry red. mouth slightly ajar in surprise, his silver lip ring glints like starlight in the sunset daze of the evening, while his pierced tongue is pressed against his own cheek to stop himself from becoming a bumbling, stuttering mess.

if he speaks — he wholeheartedly believes all that’ll tumble out of his lips will be unabashedly fervent divulgances of: “i love you. i love you. i love you.”

adoration blooms out of his ribcage like a meadow of daffodils, sweetness enveloping around his heart, soft ivory petals and sage green tendrils wrapping themselves delicately over his bones. he reckons that if you couldn’t hear his heartbeat hammering out of his chest before, you definitely can now.

it’s almost as if his brain is in clouds of cotton candy, his mind in a sweet haze of shock, love, & affection. he finds himself whispering airily, “why’d you do that?”

tenderly stroking away silky strands of ink-black hair that wisp around his ethereal face, the fond smile you grace him with is saccharine sweet, “i felt like it.”

unbelievably charmed, he can’t help the giggle that spills its way out through his mouth like honey, a syrupy-sweet sounding little thing. his shaky fingers cover his rosy lips slightly as he laughs bashfully. he’s a bit shy because of it, but you don’t think a sound has ever been so melodious to your ears. you’d get down on one knee to kiss his knuckles reverently as many times as he wants just to hear his laughter over and over and over again.

the way you see it, it’s as if you were put on this earth to devote yourself to him.

like a loyal knight kisses the ring on the hand of their king with the utmost veneration, you’d do the same. without question, worshipping the ground whereupon he stands like a faithful follower would do to a cult leader. you figure in all of the other multiverses, you’re ultimately doing the same thing as what you’re doing in this one: loving him — devoutly. earnestly. passionately.

if the look of ardent rapture on your face is anything to go by, suguru might faint with the rush of pure love & endearment that flows like nectar throughout his veins.

he feels his blush bloom over his warm face which rushes towards the tips of his pierced ears, a clear sign of you flustering him.

wanting to gain back some semblance of control of the situation, he puts on a poker face, a gentleness in his eyes & a fondness in his smile still shining through. his black-nail polished thumb grazes your soft wind-chilled cheek. a beacon of warmth. a caress of admiration accompanied with a well-maintained façade of smoothness. a comforting touch for the both of you.

“well, aren’t you just so sweet.” suguru can’t help the coo that escapes his cherry red lips when you look up at him with your precious doe eyes, “my pretty little baby.”

he softly pinches your cheek, admiring the soft plush. he cradles your cheek with the same hand, & carefully smoothes down your hair that’s been strewn around a bit by the evening wind with the other. suguru pats your head in a nurturing manner in the process, another fond coo escaping him when he sees you preen at the attention he gives you, affectionately watching you revel in the flattering treatment.

your eyes widen with joy, always keening with any praise he showers you with. “i’d like to think so! now come on sugu, your pretty little baby has a lil surprise for you!” you playfully wink at him, your smile beaming like sunshine.

your warm eyes map his stunning features reverently, memorizing his elegant visage. drinking in his otherworldly beauty. as if you could never get enough.

while you openly admire him, suguru does the same to you. he doesn’t think that he’s ever been this enamored by a human being before. you’re the center of his universe, and he can’t imagine his life without you. all he can see in this moment is: you. his intense gaze holds yours as he captures both of your cheeks in his warm gentle hands, enveloping himself in your space. the perfume he bought you for your birthday invades his senses, clouding his mind in a welcomed haze.

all he can think of at the moment is: you. you. you.

all he can repeat in his mind is: mine. mine. mine.

his eyes gleam with a newfound sense of desire, wanting to show you exactly what you mean to him. what you do to him.

his golden eyes that are now an onyx, dilated with desire, flit to your mouth. his thumb outlines your pretty lips that are begging to be devoured by his own. his right hand moves to cradle the back of your head, tilting your face up so he can comfortably take control. long, slender fingers splay across your hair, bringing you closer to him, slightly tugging the strands to hear and feel you gasp against his mouth. he presses his left hand against the small of your back, coaxing you further into his body, fusing you both together. not wanting to be even a millimeter apart. he just can’t get enough of you.

it’s like a magnetic gravitational pull when he presses a soft, sensual kiss against your glossy lips. the cold metal ball in his pierced tongue explores the wet cavern of your mouth, and he can’t help but moan softly into you, relishing in your warmth.

he prays to the stars above, hoping that he can convey his sincere love, desire, & admiration for you like this. he breathes life into you and you do the same to him. kissing you with such vigor & passion, he feels like melding your lips & souls together wouldn’t be enough. he burns with a hunger to become one with you. he pleads to the universe that the intensity of his desire and yearning is relayed to you — that you crave it, crave him as much as he craves you.

with the way he’s ravenously kissing you, and how you’re excitedly kissing him back, it seems like you certainly received the message.

suguru thinks it’s a little bit funny, but very much endearing, when you run around the living room like a bumbling fawn.

you zig-zag around the counter, making sure you pick up the purse that suguru got for you on your previous anniversary, an acrylic charm of your favorite anime character clinking against the metal fastenings. (another gift that suguru got you, begrudgingly he might admit, because who the hell is that toji fushiguro guy anyways…)

you double check that all the contents you need are inside: phone, charger, lip gloss, mini perfume, credit cards — AH! you run back to your room like a panther, not wanting to forget the most important thing you need for tonight!

he can’t help himself but laugh at your frazzled antics. “baby, you can calm down! we’re going on a picnic, it’s almost impossible for us to be late!” suguru admires your punctuality, he thinks it’s sweet how you never want to keep him waiting.

“FORGOT SOMETHING, I ALMOST DIED.” you rush back to him, big goofy smile on your face.

“baby… you’re heaving.” suguru covers his mouth, trying not to giggle out loud at how out of breath you are just by running a few feet. you’re so fucking cute.

“damn…” you huff out, hands on your knees, trying to get a deep breath in. “don’t call me out like that.”

he can’t help the laugh that bellows out of him, “sorry angel, now let’s go!” he places his large hands against your back, ushering you out the door quickly, “you still haven’t told me where we’re going.”

walking you towards his black mercedes, he opens the passenger side for you. with both hands on your hips, you remind him that, “it’s a SURPISE!”

after around 45 minutes of both of you jamming out to your playlist in the car, poking his cheek while childishly asking “are we there yet?” just to annoy him for fun, and ultimately being a proper passenger princess who tells him to “just trust me!” when he asks where you two are going, you both arrive to your destination.

and the sight that he sees, enthralls him. he whistles, beguiled by the view. from here, he can see how pretty and bright the stars are, it almost looks like they’re twinkling a “hello!” at the both of you. suguru thinks to himself, a picnic here at night? he’s unbelievably mesmerized at how your brain works sometimes.

he turns to face you, watching how engrossed you are in your phone, tapping away incessantly. wanting your full attention, his fingers grab your chin gently to force you to look him. he jokingly purrs, “if you took me here to kill me, i’ll have you know… sitting on my face would be much easier. much more preferred.”

you raise your eyebrow questioningly.

“because… it’s dark and we’re in random clearing.”

you stare at him blankly. “okay, you’ve hung out with me waaaay too much because i literally said that pick-up line to you last week and now you’re blatantly stealing it… like a THIEF. and also? you drove us here. who the hell is gonna drive me back if you’re dead?”

his brows furrow and he pouts, annoyed that you didn’t fall into his arms and blush because of his (your) raunchy words. he turns away from you and opens his door to leave, brattily huffing out a, “hmph. shut up, dumbass.” with his head held up high in the air, he struts away pompously to the trunk, opening and closing it loudly. a picnic basket with food you both made together in one hand, and a soft quilt of constellations made by haibara & nanami for suguru’s previous birthday in the other.

how fitting.

you loudly snicker to yourself while getting out of the car, amused by your boyfriend’s spoiled antics. while suguru is front of you admiring the view and trying to find a spot to set up, you admire the view in front of you. whistling out a, “damn…” suguru scoffs at your flirty behavior and gives you the finger. you send an air kiss back, and he playfully swats it away.

when he turns away again, you smile to yourself dreamily. taking out your phone, you click a quick candid of him against the night sky, admiring at how he looks like a painting.

the cream of his sweater and the contrast of his cascading ink-black hair entrances you, the silver hairpin you got him during a couple’s trip to kyoto in the top of his bun. the dangling deep violet amethyst gem glints in the moonlight, making him look even prettier. he turns his head to the left, from here you can’t see his eyebrow piercing or his lip piercing since they’re both on the right side of his face, but you do see his eyebrow slit — a scar which you’ve softly traced over many times. his side profile allures you effortlessly, the angular bridge of his nose and the soft cupid’s bow of his lip offering up a beautiful contrast that is suguru: graceful yet strong.

shaking your head slightly, you break out of your trance.

you go back to the task at hand, opening your notes app and ticking off the word at the top of your list.

stargazing. ✔️

you remember suguru mentioned it in passing one day when you were both in the beginning stages of your relationship. it was on his date bucket-list ever since he could remember, and of course you wanted to be the one who would take him!

you guide him over to a little meadow overlooking the city. surrounding you both are beautiful moonflowers, their sweetness enveloping your sinuses. the air is cool and crisp, and in the distance you hear the faint chirps & buzzing of hummingbirds along with the faint caws of ravens. you’re proud of yourself that you were able to find a place this picturesque. (even to this day, you still have an urge to impress suguru in any way that you can.)

both of you sit on the quilt suguru sets down, the homemade cloth providing an extra layer of cushioning that you feel atop the softness of the grass.

you’re upon the hill clearing, close enough to the city that you can comfortably drive back while still seeing a few citylights from where you are, but far away enough that the light pollution wouldn’t interfere with the date you had planned.

“it’s pretty.” suguru glances at the view, praising you while taking out the tonkatsu sandwiches, pasta salad, & chocolate covered strawberries from your picnic wicker-basket. you pick up a bag of chips and start munching on it while he lays down on his back propped up on his elbows, opening up a banana milk to sip on.

“i’m glad you like it,” your words are muffled in between loud crunches and fast chewing, “i was worried we’d be attacked by a mountain lion or a swarm of bees or some shit.” you say honestly.

he blinks. “i wasn’t worried about that. but i am now.” he takes another sip of his banana milk in case it’s his last.

he sits up and picks up the tonkatsu sandwich, handing you the bigger half. “but seriously, how’d you find this place?”

you take the smaller half from his grasp instead, switching with him. taking a bite, you hum happily. suguru is such a good cook. he smiles at you fondly and you answer him, “i was searching up good places to look at the stars. out of all the pictures and reviews, this was the prettiest one.”

you look up at him and swear that you see an actual twinkle in his eyes.

“stargazing?” he pushes his bangs back behind his ear, leaning into your face. loudly repeating, “STARGAZING???” nose pressed against yours, an excitedly manic look in his eyes.

he throws his head back and waves his arms in the air, lamenting, “i should’ve bought a fucking telescope!”

he directs his gaze back towards you, pointing his finger at you accusingly while demanding, “we are coming here again in the future, okay? i’ll bring all of my astronomy gear: a telescope, binoculars, a constellation book, and oooooh! maybe i’ll also bring…” you unintentionally tune him out, looking at him adoringly with stars in your eyes.

this is what you wanted to see.

if you’re being honest with yourself, the best thing to experience in your life is getting to see suguru act genuinely excited. his eagerness to discover new things is infectious, and the man before you is the real suguru: dorky, eclectic, passionate.

the graceful, poised, & elegant man you see when he meets new people and the air of sultriness & suaveness he has when he takes you on fancy dates are utterly enchanting & beguiling, but you think that suguru you see before you now — the excitable nerd, is the most beautiful.

he flicks your forehead, breaking you out of your reverie. “have you been listening to a word i’ve been saying?” he scolds you while pinching your cheek extra hard.

“yeah, you want a telescope so you can look at the stars. also, you look really pretty… the stars ain’t got nothin’ on you.” you rest your chin in your hand, smirking at him, reveling in the blush that paints his cheeks. it was just the cold wind!, he’d tell you later while playfully smacking you upside the head.

you continue, “plus, it’s really hot when you’re all stern and tellin’ me off. what’s my incentive to listen to every word you say if i can get you scoldin’ me instead?” you tilt your head against your hand, grin wide, teeth bared. the masochist in you wants him to scold you even further.

he crosses his arms at you, muscles bulging out of his cream cableknit sweater. your eyes drink up the adonis right in front of you, mentally undressing him. “instead of hitting on me, how about i explain all of the constellations to you in extreme detail?” he purrs to you while biting his lip. he flips his hair over his shoulder, sultrily looking at you. you see right through him of course, knowing that he’s appeasing to your attraction to him just so he can ramble about ursa major, ursa minor, & the big dipper.

frankly. it works.

he holds his hand out to you. a truce.

you shrug. “if you do it like a hot stern professor, then sure.” you both shake on it.

he rolls his eyes playfully, trying to stop the smile that threatens to creep up on his face. “ugh. fine. be quiet and come over here.” he picks you up underneath your thighs and puts you in between his legs. your back pressed against his warm, sturdy chest. he kisses you on the head, appreciative of your indulgence of him.

you giggle cutely and move yourself down, laying your head in his lap while he softly plays with your hair. his lovesick gaze, fond smile, & warm thighs envelope your body, filling your senses with suguru. he leans down and presses a soft kiss against your forehead, an addicting contrast of his cold lip ring & warm soft lips electrifying your skin.

he pops a single chocolate-covered strawberry in your mouth, and you playfully nip his finger. he traces your lips softly and starts playfully lecturing you about the constellations that grace the night sky.

he excitedly points at a cluster of three bright stars, “and that is orion’s belt!”

you point at a bright star in the night sky a few lightyears away from it, grin unbelievably wide.

“i think you might be missing one, babe. and you call yourself the modern-day galileo. heh.” you playfully tease him.

suguru rolls his eyes, “okay first of all, i have never called myself that. second of all — excuse me?” his scoff is slightly haughty, & he can’t help the indignant laugh that escapes out of him. “alright, since you know so much — enlighten me then, what’s that one called?”

“hmm… i believe it’s sugurugeto-020390.”

suguru’s eyes widen ridiculously like flying saucers.

“what?”

you push yourself out of his grasp to pull out a certificate from your purse and hand it to him. you sit next to him cross-legged, gauging his reaction.

“trust me, i wish i could get a better name for it, but it turns out there’s a lot of suguru geto’s in the world.”

pausing for a moment, you want to make sure that your boyfriend knows that he’s the only suguru geto on your mind.

giving him bedroom eyes, you purr, “none like you of course.”

he blinks. “what?”

your face falls comically, and you pout, “that bright star in the sky is yours.” you point at it haphazardly. “you’re the light of my life, you illuminate my life, you’re the sole star and center of my universe, blah blah blah… so i figured… ya know…!” you gesticulate wildly, and in the moonlight suguru can see the slight blush on your cheeks. your eyes looking everywhere else but his own.

you’re shy.

he can feel the sinus pressure building up against his nose and the tears glaze over his eyes.

you scratch the back of your head, trying to save face. you quickly backtrack, “i know it’s a bit cheesy and honestly, technically, this was probably a scam, but i figured it was the thought that counts and–”

“shut up.”

you look up at him in a state of shock, “HAH???”

he grabs your cheeks, his silver rings cool against your face, and smashes his lips against your own, teeth slightly knocking against yours. in his excitement, he pushes you down and straddles you, pinning you down to the grass — his body a comforting weight on top of you. he kisses you breathlessly, moaning loudly in your mouth. you can both taste the fruitiness of the strawberry on each others tongues, your own being pressed softly against his piercing. you pull away softly, needing to take a breath.

and the sight above you is one you don’t think you’ll ever want to forget.

suguru’s seductive low-lidded gaze is locked on you, parts of his bangs wisped across his face from the momentum of pouncing on you. he’s breathing heavily, and you can feel his rapid heartbeat hammering against yours, his nipple piercings slightly poking into your chest. a rosy blush spreads itself on his cheeks like a strawberry jam, and you don’t think any view could compare to the one you’re blessed to see now.

his lips are red and glossy, aching to kiss you again. you nod softly, begging him to continue. he slots his lips back with your own, tracing your bottom lip with his tongue before he bites down sensually, groaning loudly when he hears you whimper. he curls an arm underneath your body while kissing you passionately, bringing you closer to him, enveloping you into his space. all you can think about in this moment is: suguru. suguru. suguru.

pulling away once more, and peering deep into his amber orbs, you think that his eyes carry the most beautiful stars. a milky way of ochre and obsidian.

never casting your fond gaze aside, you intertwine your hand with his, bringing it to your lips, kissing each knuckle fervently.

his alluring gaze follows your devoted actions. butterflies brush their wings together inside his stomach, the flutter erupting throughout his whole entire being. he thinks that in the moonlight, underneath the canopy of stars that…

you are the most brightest.

the most beautiful.

the most meaningful.

��honey! i’m hoooooooome!”

you feel unbelievably ecstatic that you can finally get to see your dear boyfriend after two weeks of being apart!

you already have the whole day planned out, perhaps you two can get takeout from your favorite local restaurant and watch anime together! you giggle happily to yourself while thinking about how you both can snuggle and have a cozy day in.

you take your shoes, coat, & purse off by yourself, wondering if suguru is out. usually by the time you’re at the door, suguru is already there welcoming you back with a massive kiss and a “missed you baby.” softly whispered in your ear, especially if you go on a long trip…

hmm, that’s a bit odd.

now that you’re looking around…

the apartment is in complete disarray.

it looks like a tornado blew through the whole place.

you shuffle in further… and dirty dishes are piled in the sink, overflowing dangerously. suguru’s clothes, random knick knacks, and pillows are strewn about as if he threw them all in a fit of rage. crumbs litter the carpet and you see what looks to be dirt tracks on the floorboards. the laundry is stacked high and the air is stuffy, it seems like no windows were opened in the time that you were away.

worriedly, you run into your shared bedroom.

suguru is there, thank god safe & sound, but what you see breaks your heart.

he’s laid face down, the left side of his cheek smooshed into the pillow, black tear tracks staining the fabric… he must’ve cried on a day when he went out? the bedroom is filled with dirty clothes on the floor, and you’re pained to smell the stench of cigarettes in the air. it’s light… maybe he only smoked one… but the fact that he felt the need to smoke at all, shattered your soul.

especially considering he quit ages ago when he started dating you.

you walk towards him lightly, not wanting to scare him off. his eyes are open and he looks at you… but he’s not really looking at you.

“you alright there, precious?” you softly whisper.

a perfunctory question. you know he’s not. he knows he’s not. but you know he’s in no state to answer any questions that you have.

“mhm.” he hums quietly. lethargic, not even having the willpower to answer with anything but a light rasp.

you brush back his bangs, and he shudders. his hair is greasy, oil-black hair clumping together in some places, matted in others. his lips are slightly chapped, a bit bloodied no doubt from his habit of biting his lip when he’s anxious. his fingernails are no stranger to the same action, stubbed and jagged down to the nailbed, his black nail polish chipped. bright amber eyes which often have a gentle look in them have turned into a dull ochre, obsidian pupils overtaking his irises.

they’re still gentle because he’s looking at you… but if you’re being honest with yourself, his eyes remind you a bit of a black hole right now.

vacant of light.

you press a soft kiss against his forehead and leave the room momentarily, thinking to yourself if anything can be done about this situation.

you decide to shoot satoru a quick text, seeing if he can help you out a bit with what you want to do.

you breathe out a sigh of relief, a small smile gracing your face. you can always count on satoru. the man may be silly and eclectic, but at the core of his being, he’s someone who will always take care of and look out for his friends. he’s the type of person to drop anything to help those that he loves and adores.

(sometimes you think that satoru really was an angel put onto earth.) (but then you think that he was probably cast out of heaven for being a little shit.) (regardless, you still fucking love him for it.)

you walk back into the room, and lay your head against your pillow that is next to suguru’s. (it smells like him… he must’ve hugged it while you were away.)

cradling his cheek, you quietly say, “satoru’s also back from his business trip babe, he’ll be coming in about 10 minutes. how about you get a bit of sunshine with him, hmm?” he blinks slowly, nodding softly.

you hold his hand to help him up out from the bed, but he shoos you away, admonishing you slightly, “i can do it myself.”

you nod and leave him to it, mentally preparing yourself for the behemoth cleaning task ahead when he leaves.

suguru pads slowly into the bathroom and puts his hair up in a high ponytail with a hairtie he stole from you, not wanting to deal with it. he washes his face and gets a wet rag to pat down his body and underarms, not having the energy to shower. putting on a random black sweatshirt, he douses himself in your favorite cologne of his. he puts on your strawberry lip balm while popping a piece of mint gum in his mouth. with a tired sigh, he exits the bathroom, dragging his feet to where you are at the door.

he kisses your temple gently. you plant a soft kiss his against knuckles. you think your eyes deceive you see a semblance of a twinkle in his eyes. “love you baby. i’ll bring you back somethin’.” he rasps out softly.

even in his darkest times, even when his mind is playing tricks on him, he’s still thinking of you. wanting to take care of you. desiring to show his affections towards you in any way that he can.

you simply want to return the favor.

satoru arrives, wearing a crisp white button up and black tinted glasses, his snowy white hair shining like starlight thanks to the sunbeams that hit him. he hugs suguru gently, placing a soft kiss against his temples. suguru, dressed in all black just nods his head lightly at him. he’s not really interested in going out but knows that you two will force him regardless, reminding him that getting sunshine and looking at different scenery is important.

as they get into the car and back out of the driveway, suguru waves lightly at you, eyes tired yet gentle. satoru winks at you, proud & thankful that suguru has someone that cares so deeply for his mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.

waving them both a goodbye, you go back inside and put on your cleaning playlist, ready to get started.

the first thing you do is open up the blinds and windows, wanting to air out the stuffiness that had built up over the past two weeks. considering the fact that suguru got a tinge paler and his undereyes looked sunken, you don’t think he got even a single beam of sunshine or any semblance of fresh air in the time that you were away.

padding over to the kitchen, you begin by doing the dishes. wearing your matching baby blue dishgloves, you get to work. it seems like suguru got anxious by seeing all the dishes piled up and started using some paper plates, which would explain the overflowing trash as well. the dishes are caked with food, but soften a bit by dousing them in water along with spritzing a powerwash grease-lifting spray. you sigh happily, glad that this will make it easier. after washing, drying, and putting away the dishes, you turn your attention to the kitchen surfaces.

you wipe down the counter and dining table in circular motions with a lemon-verbena spray, disposing of any old particles of food and random dust that lay upon the surfaces. already in your cleaning mode, you start to feel a little bit more energized.

opening up the refrigerator, you see that it’s been practically untouched. unfortunately, you gag when you smell rotting veggies and fruits, promptly rushing to your kitchen cabinet to get your trash bag to toss any old food away. you mentally remind yourself to get groceries in the morning, maybe if suguru is feeling a bit better after today you both can go together!

walking into the living room, you get your cleaning towel to beat the dust out of all the furniture. usually you & suguru both start with the bedrooms, but this time you figure you’d start with the living room as it’s in a bit of a better shape than the bedroom.

after you finish beating the living hell out of your cushions, you get to swiffering, mopping, and vacuuming — humming and singing loudly to suguru’s favorite songs on your shared cleaning playlist.

you go into the bedroom and start by gathering all of the clothes on the floor and the ones in the hamper to put inside the washing machine. you look around and do the same with the bedsheets and pillow cases, rubbing the eyeliner out of suguru’s pillowcase with some makeup remover first.

cleaning out all of the drawers, you make sure to throw away any random trash and only keep what’s necessary. clutter bothers both you and suguru, so you do your best to try and minimize that. you pick up empty bottles off the nightstand and throw them away. at least he drank a bit of water.

turning your attention to your bookcase, you wipe down the multitude of pictures of you & suguru that he put in frames.

there’s a few of both of you smiling after going on cute dates — suguru’s grin unbelievably wide while flipping off the camera and holding you close to his chest as you laugh loudly. there’s ones of you gazing at him adoringly, your love for him seeping out of the picture. there’s others of him looking at you — a soft fondness in his eyes, an even softer smile gracing his lips, his affectionate gaze tuning out anyone and anything else that isn’t you. both framed and pinned to the wall are multiple candids you two took of one another when the other wasn’t looking or paying attention, bursts of love immortalized in random moments of time.

you tell yourself that the sniffle you do is just because of the dust.

clearing your throat slightly, you look around proudly. you’re done!

you spray each room with a cotton spray, inhaling the fresh linen scent happily. you light up a teakwood candle that suguru bought a few weeks ago in the living room and put a sandalwood diffuser in the bathroom, freshening up the place. you take a well-deserved shower, feeling properly clean and accomplished.

by the time you’re done, it’s around 5:30 P.M in the evening and satoru texts you that they’re on their way and will be back home in approximately 30 minutes.

you get a can of sprite, his preferred soda, out from the fridge and put it on the counter. you decide to place an order for takeout from suguru’s favorite local spot, one that sells cold zaru soba noodles, his favorite food. you place another order at his favorite bakery for matcha crepes, his most loved dessert. the zaru soba will come within an hour and a half, but the dessert will come sooner so you also order a flower delivery too — a cute little surprise which will come within the same amount of time as the crepes.

you figure that you’ll also do the same for satoru, a little thank-you present for when he comes back to his own apartment. you order a bouquet of narcissus & holly for him, internally hoping that he likes it. you also order all of his favorite desserts from his favorite bakery! knowing that he will happily fill himself up on raspberry macarons, strawberry cake, vanilla mochi, chocolate donuts, & zunda cream kikufuku to his heart’s desire.

walking back into the bathroom, you get the most important part of your night started.

suguru finds his heart a bit lighter when he comes back to your shared home. he didn’t want to admit it to satoru… but he actually had a fun time eating, shopping, and listening to his hilarious stories about his shitty business trip. he’d be lying though if he said that he wasn’t most excited to see you after a long, eventful day.

in his hand are a bunch of shopping bags from stores that satoru dragged him to — clothes from your favorite stores, accessories & bags that you most wear, shoes that you need, books & knick knacks that you like — all for you. he bought a few for himself of course, but he mainly wanted to spoil you. he can’t help the small smile that creeps up on his face when he thinks about how excited you’ll be to see the gifts he got you.

thinking back on it, the guilt and shame he felt in his heart when you first saw him earlier today ate him up. he didn’t even know why he was feeling the way he was feeling so strongly. it was coincidence that it coincided with your trip, and he made sure that he would sound fun and happy over text as to not worry you. it wasn’t until a few days from when you were actually set to arrive that he didn’t even have the energy to talk or text you.

hell, he didn’t even have the energy to keep the apartment tidy or keep himself in check either. another pang of guilt hits him like a freight truck. he concludes that he’ll give you a spa day so he can clean everything up, not wanting you to worry about the mess he made.

he knows from the bottom of his heart that you’d never judge him or make him feel small for feeling the way he felt, he just feels so bad that he couldn’t even muster up the energy to greet you the way you deserved to be greeted. to kiss you. to hug you. to have a delicious dinner together and snuggle with you.

but no. after a long trip you had to come home and be worried for him. have the apartment be in disarray, have to see him be in disarray. fuck, you were worried enough to call up satoru.

he swears to himself that he’s gonna make it up to you. he swears that–

oh?

what?

suguru’s eyes widen, hands weakly dropping his shopping bags on the floor.

the entire apartment, top to bottom, is spotless.

dishes done and put away. dining table clean. living room tidy. is that… a bouquet of daffodils, his birth flower, on the counter? he also sees the bag from his favorite bakery right next to it too…

he walks around, astonished, at how you’ve made the apartment look brand new.

he reaches the bedroom and sees that the bed is made. his clothes have been clean, dried, and put up in hangers inside his closet. the nightstand, dresser, and bookcase all spotless and wiped free of dust.

a fresh smell envelopes his sinuses. he swallows the lump in his throat. did you smell the single cigarette he smoked? it seems like you aired out the whole apartment. in front of him is a beautiful sunset that waves at him from outside. a sunray beam kisses his cheeks. suguru blinks and feels something wet trailing down his face… it tastes salty on his lips. but feels so warm and sweet.

“suguru?” your angelic voice calls to him.

he turns around and sees you. fresh and clean, a beacon of warmth and illumination. a light blush dusting your cheeks no doubt from all of the hard work you’ve done.

“i ran you a bath. you up for it?” you tilt your head cutely at him, a silent plea in your eyes for him to agree.

feeling like his voice will betray him if he speaks, he nods softly. grabbing his hand, you take him to your shared bathroom, also totally spotless. your hands are soft and small in his, warm for once, because of you taking a hot shower and checking the temperature of the water for suguru’s bath. a sandalwood scent envelopes his nose, no doubt from the diffuser you put inside. he sees the romantic candles and rose petals around the bathtub and he can’t help the smile that overtakes his face.

“for me?” he rasps, a teasing tilt to his voice.

“always. everything and anything i do will always be for you.” you say it seriously. genuinely.

to you, it’s a vow. an oath.

his eyes widen slightly, but he closes them momentarily, not wanting any more tears to spill. he crinkles his eyes and smiles at you softly.

“you joining me?” he undresses, taking off his sweatshirt and t-shirt. showcasing his tan skin, toned abs, & muscles. his nipple piercings & belly button piercing are on full display and he giggles lightly as you ogle at his body, watching your eyes trace his numerous tattoos & piercings, absolutely mesmerized.

“maybe next time,” you smirk, a playful twinkle in your eyes. “figured i could do a little pamper session, is that alright with you?” you ask him caringly, wanting to make sure that he’s comfortable with it first & foremost.

he fears that if he speaks any louder than a whisper, the love that overcomes him will drown his airways. he rasps out a small, “yeah.”

always. anything and everything you do will always be right for me.

he gets into the bath and you try to not let your eyes trail down, instead focusing your gaze on his dragon tattoo that encompasses his entire back along with the mythological japanese creatures that trail up his arms and ribcage like tapestry. you see one of your favorites, a black and white beta fish upon his ribs, submerged underneath the water he’s in.

from this angle, you can also see your name that he tattooed behind his ear. smiling to yourself, you sit behind him, ready to begin the pamper session.

his sloshes the rose petals around with his fingers. the water is warm, is his first thought. i wish you were in here with me, is his second.

your fingers stroke his hair softly, lulling him into a false sense of security, and then you get to work, vigorously rubbing in his lavender shampoo. he can’t help the laugh that escapes him. for some reason anytime you two would take baths or take showers together, you would always wash his scalp aggressively. “this is how i wash my hair sugu! what’s a little run through gonna do? we gotta keep clean!” did clean mean damn near ripping out his hair follicles? possibly.

he’d never stop you or scold you however, he thinks it’s hilarious and an endearing trait of yours. when he washes your hair he makes sure to be as soft and careful as possible, almost lulling you to sleep. when you wash his hair however, it’s like you’re turbowashing a pickup truck. he figures this time he’ll give you a pass (he always does) considering that he doesn’t think he’s washed his hair in around a week and a half.

“gonna rinse now, okay?” he hums quietly, closing his eyes.

this almost feels like a purification process to him.

you lather shampoo in his hair once again wanting to do a double cleanse, this time a bit more softly. you massage his scalp, and he tips his head back. you start from the crown of his head, working in circular motions, using your fingertips. then you go to the roots of his hair, pressing and lathering, pressing and lathering, pressing and lathering.

you push his head forward slightly so you can clean the back of his head too, massaging the pressure points in his scalp. you were always a good masseuse, therefore a deep sigh escapes him, tension leaving his body by the second. (this might be the first time in two weeks where he’s been able to breathe comfortably.) you run your fingers throughout the clean strands of his hair, humming a little tune to yourself.

“they called me.” your hands still for second, but resume back to carefully twisting the water out his silky black hair. you stay quiet, knowing that when suguru speaks he prefers to get it all out there first.

“must’ve been like, what, two days after you left?” a humorless laugh escapes him. “they always know when to fuck up my mood. i swear.”

he sighs tiredly. “they went on a whole spiel about how i need to come back home and find a ‘real job’ as a hotshot lawyer or some fancy businessman, as if i don’t run my own tattoo parlor. as if i’m not also a real fucking businessman. like, do they think i don’t make any money? that i can’t comfortably take care of us both?” he rolls his eyes, getting annoyed again just thinking about how long the same repeated conversation had gone on.

suguru’s family is relatively well-off. he’s genuinely thankful that both him & satoru never had to worry about how to put food on the table or be worried about not being able to spoil the people that they loved.

it’s just that his parents were angry that their picture-perfect little boy wanted to spread his wings… see a world that had more to offer than quiet dinner table meals filled with tension and pointed jabs at one another guised as “caring advice.”

their image of suguru started to get distorted when he first showed up on their doorstep with his gauges. an act of rebellion. he could’ve worn small simple diamond studs but he wanted to make an impression: i’m my own person. even as a 13 year old boy, i can make this decision on my own. he remembers the way his father said he looked foolish. how his mother held her hand over her heart, in shock that her little baby boy had tainted himself in such a manner. what would others say?

suguru remembers looking in the mirror after the whole fiasco & thinking: god… they’d say i look so fucking cool.

then it started with sneaking out to go on late night drives with satoru, shoko, nanami, & haibara. they’d jam out to random songs on the radio, get slurpees & snacks, and sit in satoru’s car just talking about life and their future for hours. suguru still remembers the way his bangs wisped across his face, the crisp night air purifying his soul, the stars in the sky illuminating the landscape. the world seemed bigger those days and the gang were enjoying their teenage years. enjoying their youth.

he remembers coming home, his father waiting for him on the couch, pointing to the seat next to him, forcing suguru to sit down. his father’s arms crossed, black turtleneck making his muscles bulge slightly out of his sweater, his specs on the bridge of his nose making him look so serious. suguru found it easy to make eye contact with everyone in the world, but with his father he couldn’t help but look away sometimes… so he redirected his gaze to the tiny delicate beauty mark near his fathers right eye. a small little thing that made his father look a bit more… prettier. nicer. less daunting.

“where were you?” the timbre of his father’s voice rattled his bones. he muttered those three words quietly, but it still shattered suguru’s eardrums regardless.

“out. with my friends.”

he scoffs. “some friends they are.” a deep resounding ring of utter disappointment comes from his father’s words.

suguru sneers at the man, pissed that he would even think to disrespect suguru’s choice of friends like that. “yeah, they’re the best.” not an ounce of sarcasm lacing his words. his own mood dampened, nevertheless.

he recalls stomping all the way upstairs and slamming the door with all his might. sitting on his bed and resting his head against the window pane, eyes looking up at the same stars he saw when hanging out with his friends.

the stars seemed so far away from suguru’s room.

the world looked so big. suguru felt so small.

then one day, months later, suguru kissed a pretty boy. he can’t quite remember his name anymore, just that his lips were soft and his eyes were kind. suguru’s parents found out. his dad was surprisingly fine with it… he just assumed it was a phase, he went through the same thing as his son did when he was his age. his mother however… she just acted like it never happened the next morning. as if it wasn’t just a part of who he is.

his parents thought he was rebelling for the sake of rebellion. in actuality, it was suguru’s true self coming out. he was just getting more comfortable in his own skin. he was tired of being the picture perfect beauty who always was demanded of being polite, poised, & graceful. it was always too easy for him to put on a fake smile and manipulate others into doing what he wanted for the sake of his family’s reputation, it’s what he was taught. being at that house, it felt like he was kept on a tight leash, restricted from living his life. he felt caged like a bird…

but he just wanted to be free.

all he wanted was to just truly be himself in this world.

a kiss against his scalp breaks him out of his reverie.

right… he was here with you. he doesn’t have to spiral or worry anymore. you’re here. with him.

you’re here, you’re here, you’re here.

he shudders softly, taking your hand, holding it tight within his grasp. anger laces his next words, “they also said it’s time i get into a ‘real relationship’. whatever the fuck that means.”

you giggle. you know that his parents aren’t too fond of you. you’re not exactly of the same… class or status as them. at least that’s what suguru’s mother told him.

he huffs out a single dry laugh, “i’m glad you’re giggling about it because i nearly popped a fucking blood vessel screaming into my phone when they said that shit.”

“my protector.” you coo to him.

a light blush tinges his cheeks. always.

he presses a kiss against your palm. “i think it just made me… spiral a bit, y’know? reminded me of when i was kid and they made every little decision for me. i mean i’m a fucking adult now — i can decide what i do, who i wanna be, and who i want to be with.”

so when he got that phone-call from them on that day he was supposed to go to some rock concert… he did the one thing he promised himself he’d never do again. he lit a cigarette, and cried his eyes out into his pillow.

while sobbing, he remembered when he was in his early twenties and he’d sleep around with anyone and everyone, smoke blunts & cigarettes, go bar-hopping… do everything the picture-perfect pretty boy would never be allowed to do under his parents roof. his family just made him so miserable that he would do anything to not think of them.

he heard your voice in his head, reminding him, that instead of continuing on that self-destructive streak, he got his shit together. art & drawing was always his safe haven, so he found himself an apprenticeship at a tattoo parlor, getting a job as a piercer and ultimately working his way up to being a tattooist. he owns his own place now — all his hard work & effort paid off.

his mind travels back to you. his true love.

ever since the moment he met you, he was mesmerized by your beauty, your personality, and your loving words & actions.

suguru’s heart and sobs only calmed down when he thought of you. his beloved. his angel. his reason to be. he hugged your pillow a bit tighter that night, imagining it was you.

“i’m proud of you, you know.” you say it so genuinely that it tugs on his heartstrings, making his heart skip a beat.

“you’ve been through a lot of shit with your parents, but at the end of the day, you chose to follow what your heart desired — not whatever they wanted. you’re successful in what you do and you made the right decision. it doesn’t matter what the hell they say, because they don’t know the effort and time it took you to get where you are.” you say it so passionately, that suguru believes every word that comes out of your mouth. his heart racing, thankful that somebody fucking understands him.

“you’re kind. you’re caring. you’re so unbelievably loving. you’re always looking out for others and helping anyone that needs it… you’re a good fucking person, suguru. i hope you know that and realize that. it doesn’t matter what anyone else says, you are good. what you do is good. who you are is good. it’s an honor to be able to love you and be with you. i hope you know that.”

for the first time in a while, suguru turns around and really looks at you. the way you bare your soul to him so effortlessly, the way you smile so sweetly at him, the way you make him feel like he’s your one true love.

“i’m so thankful for you. i love you… and i want to be with you, too. always.” his voice breaks a little, overcome with emotion.

suguru hugs you tightly, neither of you caring about the wetness on your clothes. suguru puts his entire spectrum of feelings towards you into the hug — an apology, a thank you, and a proclamation of love.

voice a bit shaky, he laughs, “sorry for getting you all wet. i know how much you hate drenched clothes.”

“you apologizing for getting me wet? now that’s a first.” you purr playfully, glad to see him in better spirits.

a loud laugh bellows out from suguru, deep within his gut. he kisses your lips preciously, and sits back down in the water, urging you to continue.

the mood now is far lighter. the air thick with a sweet steam.

you rinse his hair and gently put his lavender conditioner through his hair. massaging it in, running your fingers through his silky smooth strands. you put his hair up in a clip for a few minutes to let the product soak in. he washes it out himself while you start the shower, making sure you put in his favorite honey-almond bodywash. he gives you a silly yet oddly sultry show when he lathers himself and he promptly comes out, steaming and refreshed. you help him do his skincare routine, softly rubbing each and every product into his skin. he towels off and sits down, hairbrush in his hand, looking at you.

“here, let’s do this first.” you blow dry his hair, taking your time and allowing suguru to lull his head back onto your front, the soft black tresses of your beloved’s hair feeling much more revitalized in your fingers. you then brush his hair, gently, carefully. the entire time, you notice that suguru’s eyes are closed and he’s smiling to himself. you kiss him on the top of his head, and he turns to kiss you back. eyes closed, his lips puckered…

but just then, the doorbell rings.

“OOH! perfect timing!” you scurry off. you leave a pouting suguru who huffs out a little “hmph.” annoyed that whoever was at the door took a very well-deserved kiss away from him.

he patters softly to the kitchen where you’re setting out cold zaru soba noodles for him along with a can of sprite and matcha crepes. all of his favorites.

you hold a bouquet of flowers. daffodils.

“for you.” you curtsy, a mirthful twinkle in your eyes. he graciously accepts them from you, a shy smile and light flush across his cheeks.

“thank you.”

kissing his knuckles you whisper, “anything for you.”

for once in his whole entire life, suguru doesn’t think he can bear to look you in the eye. your adoration is so unbelievably intense, it feels like it’ll burn a hole inside his heart. does he deserve so much goodness in his life?

“you deserve more than what i can give you. i’ll spend my whole life making sure you realize that, suguru.” you say to him honestly. “if you’ll allow me of course.”

he kisses you on the lips softly, hoping that you can feel how thankful and lucky he is that he has you. “likewise.”

he clears his throat. “okay, c’mon. i’m starving. i wanna watch that stupid anime and shit talk that hot guy you like on screen while we snuggle.”

“he’s the best character, suguru!” you huff indignantly. clearly he can’t be talking about thee toji fushiguro???

“babe. he SUCKS.”

he knows you so well, he muses to himself.

he knows how your breath hitches after he nuzzles his lips against the curve of your neck, that the skin is sensitive there, but not as sensitive as your right ear. he knows that because of the way your knees buckle as he whispers soft romances to you, intense shivers overtaking your body. he makes sure that his arm is always wrapped tender yet firmly around your waist when that happens, trapping you against his unyielding body.

he knows what makes you tick. on the rare occasion that you allow your emotions to overcome you, he knows how to comfort you. he leaves you alone for a few moments so you’re able to gather your thoughts & assess your bearings, and then he invites you into his warm embrace. he lets you lay your head in his lap as he strokes your hair gingerly, easing your soul with both honest and kind words. adorning your face with soft kisses and even softer caresses. a cocoon of protection.

it seems like these days, however, he hasn’t had a proper grasp on you. you can’t hide a single thing from him, he knows that you would never willingly do so either.

it’s not like you want to anyways — not that you intend to, at least.

but it’s an aching feeling in his chest, nonetheless.

earlier in the week, you’d softly shut your bedroom door whenever you saw him, pretending as if you couldn’t see each other… as if he wasn’t there. it’s moments where he found you haphazardly digging for shit in your drawers, tucking whatever it was into your pockets and padding away softly to your room. you’d stay in there for hours, only coming out when he knocked on your door to tell you dinner was ready. he heard lots of rustling and you pretended as if you were just chilling in there, as if nothing was going on. sometimes when he knocked on your door to see what you were up to, all he heard back was an “i’m busy, baby! i’ll be out soon!” then it became even more odd, you’d quickly shut off your phone whenever he came into the room and would plaster a bright smile at him as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

he sighs to himself. he trusts you. he loves you. he knows you’re not doing anything heinous.

but… why won’t you tell him what’s bothering you? don’t you trust him to fix whatever is wrong? it eats away at his mind & soul that you think you have to hide whatever it is that’s taking you from him. don’t you know that he’d drop anything for you? that’s what being in love is for, right?

his eyes peer at you from the couch, studying you. he calls out to you softly, “angel. can we talk, please?”

a statement posed as a question. he knows this. you know this. you answer regardless.

“sure.”

you walk towards him, intentionally adding a lackadaisical swagger to your steps. to fool him. you know it won’t, he knows it won’t. but suguru isn’t anything if a man who doesn’t indulge his beloved.

he pats the seat next to him on the couch. inviting. as if he’s giving you a choice, even though you know you have none at the moment. “sit next to me, my love.” his smile is taut like a string, amber eyes shut closed so you don’t bear witness to the tears that threaten to spill.

he knows you’re hiding something.

he doesn’t like not being in the know.

is it something he did?

is it something you did but are too afraid to tell him?

since when were you afraid of him?

were you always–?

in the few seconds it takes you to sit down, a myriad of questions race through suguru’s head, creating a spiral of untamable negative thoughts. you would talk to him if something was wrong, right? you both have a healthy communication and always talk things over with each other… so what’s different now? do you not trust him?

suguru chastises himself, thoroughly.

of course you wouldn’t want to speak to someone like him.

always the overthinker. always the nagging negative nancy. always the manic-depressive.

sometimes suguru fears that he acts more like a father to you rather than a boyfriend.

that he’s a bit suffocating. too intense. very overbearing.

a warm hand engulfs both of your small, cold ones. he hopes that it comes off as sweet, as caring. because he himself is sweet and caring.

at least he hopes he comes off like that.

“is everything alright, sweetheart?” a soft whisper. he speaks placatingly to you like you’re a newborn fawn and any loud noises or large movements will make you jolt and run away. “i feel like… you’ve been avoiding me recently. and…” he takes a deep breath. “listen, i don’t know if it’s something i did, but you need to tell me, okay? you have to tell me so i can make it better.”

he thinks he sounds nurturing. kind. paternal.

he also thinks he sounds so fucking condescending.

he closes his eyes and a picture of a man darts across his eyelids like an overdeveloped photo.

strict, heavy-handed, cutthroat.

paternal and protective to a fault. a man who was always “right” even when he was wrong.

an “apathetic” man who bore a child who thought too much – felt too much.

a flash of a sophisticatedly handsome man with obsidian shoulder length hair, serious low-lidded eyes, and a firm closed mouth sears itself across suguru’s brain like a charred photograph.

he flings away the afterimage as quickly as it came. pretending as if he never even thought of it.

he gulps, swallowing the fireball in his throat. god, he really doesn’t want to be like… him. having a majority of his features is enough, he does not want to inherit that man’s personality.

suguru absentmindedly rubs the slit in his eyebrow, his grip unintentionally tightening on your hands. he releases moments after, not wanting to cause you any pain.

“everything is fine with me sugu, i promise you.” you reassure him. “it wasn’t my intention to avoid you or make you feel like you did anything wrong… i am so sorry if it came off like that.” you answer him honestly. your head is tilted to the side like a little puppy, brows furrowed, upset that you made him feel like you were trying to get away from him.

“no, no no no no no, baby it’s not your fault.” he quickly grabs your cheeks, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. he brings you against his chest, hugging you tightly. “don’t apologize honey, i’m sorry… i just got into my head a bit.” he quickly placates you and kisses the top of your head. you shouldn’t be the one to suffer because he started to anxiously overthink and spiral.

he looks at the time on his watch. it’s a few minutes past midnight. you both should go to sleep… maybe you can talk it over in bed or in the morning with clear heads.

you exhale softly, shaking your head faintly. you press a delicate kiss against the corner of his lips. telling him, “give me a sec.”, you walk over and into your room.

he nods and watches you saunter away, putting his head into his hands. god… him and his big mouth… he sighs, anxiety crawling up his throat once more. he really didn’t want to upset you or anything, he angrily tells himself to apologize to you when you get back.

hearing you shuffle closer to him, he lifts his head.

in your hands is a… huge book?

“i wanted to give you this tomorrow… well technically today, but i guess it doesn’t really matter.”

he tilts his head, confused. you present him with the thing you’ve been working so hard on.

you smile at him so softly, he thinks that his heart is about to burst. “happy birthday, suguru.”

birthday…? oh god, it is his birthday.

he gently takes the present from you… it’s a scrapbook.

“don’t look at it in front of me! okay, bye!” you quickly sprint into your room, not wanting to be in the room when suguru looks at such a personalized present.

blinking, he grabs his reading glasses from the coffee table, and opens the book, flipping through each page carefully.

photobooth pictures, polaroids, kodak film pictures, movie ticketes from your dates, admission tickets from amusement parks he’s taken you to, and multiple candids of both him and you - many of which he hasn’t seen.

one of them looks awfully familiar… did you take this the day you took him stargazing in the meadow? his fingers brush against his trembling lips, trying to stop himself from sobbing.

is this what you were doing?

he feels so stupid.

but god… does he feel so fucking loved.

you’ve immortalized every single moment of your relationship with him. nothing being too small for you to be excited about, carefully keeping everything.

he sees the little pressed flower of a daffodil enclosed in wax paper on one of the pages, probably from the first time you gave him a bouquet. the first time anyone has presented him with flowers without wanting anything in return. when asked about the occasion, you simply shrugged and said “just felt like it” & then quickly kissed his knuckles, zooming out of his apartment to run errands. he remembers how bashful he felt. how thankful he was. how loved that experience made him feel.

he moves his glasses upwards, wiping the tears across his lashline and the ones that stream down his face. he clears his throat slightly, and continues flipping the pages. you’ve drawn little doodles (things that he’s already planning to get tattooed on him simply because they came from you) and you’ve written beautiful, personal messages. encapsulating your adoration for suguru in the margins — genuine words filled with your love, devotion, and admiration for him.

he sniffs loudly and tries to wipe his face the best he can. he tenderly calls out your name, beckoning you over to him, and you get up out of your shared bedroom to pad softly into his open arms.

“my love.” he stands up and walks over to you midway. he hugs you so tightly while pressing your head against his beating heart, his arms protectively enveloping you. the space between you two is nonexistent, and suguru surmises that he wouldn’t have it any other way.

conveying his thankfulness and love to you, he sweetly says, “my sweet, sweet girl.” a soft kiss pressed against your hair, “my heart beats for you, forever and always.” from anyone else it’d sound cheesy, but from suguru… you know he means it from the depths of his soul.

“my little dove.” he coos so fondly, sweet candied sugar dripping from every syllable. he holds your face in his gentle hands, openly divulging his admiration for you, “you’re so precious to me, you know that? i love you. i love you. i love you.” a tender kiss pressed against your soft lips between each proclivity of adoration.

you smile graciously, thankful and relieved that he adores your present and that he especially adores you. you knew out of any of your presents that you were going to give him today, that this would be the most meaningful. suguru has always been the ultimate sentimentalist, and you wanted him to know that you care for him so deeply. that you love him. adore him. that your heart beats only for him. pushing back a black tendril of your true love’s hair behind his ear, you kiss him gently. both of your lips fitting together perfectly — like a lock & key.

you bring his knuckles upon your lips, preciously kissing his promise ring, ensuring to him that your love and devotion runs deep, deeper than anything in this world.

“i love you too. happy birthday, my love.” his hands are so gentle. his face is so sweet. suguru… your one true love.

if you asked suguru to describe you in three words, he’d say you were: devoted. loyal. loving.

he has four more of his own on the tip of his tongue that he’ll say to you when he musters up the courage.

with a soft kiss upon the ring on your knuckles, and an even softer smile upon his lips, he lovingly breathes out, “私はあなたを永遠に愛します”

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

Chapter 17 The Problem with Mondo

Ahhh I forgot Taka's birthday again I'm sorryyyyyyyyyyyy.

(TMI up ahead, just a warning) Ugh. This has not been a good week, dear god. I started work again, and I am SO GLAD I tend to work with older elementary students, not younger ones. (I work as an after school teacher, for context). But this week, all kinders get out at noon to introduce them to school, I guess, so my after school program has to be open for them, and my supervisor asked me to help out. And these kids are WILD. One of them isn't fully potty trained and, uh, had an accident on the floor. Not number 1, either. Another straight up refused to come to our program, so my supervisor had to stay with him until he was willing to come, all three days, and today I spent an hour with him in the older kid classroom alone to help him calm down. Another had a tantrum so hard (because I asked him to SHARE) that he peed himself yesterday. Which I had to handle, while also handling the kid who pooped himself. And to top that all off, I got sick to my stomach while with the older kids today and had to try and prevent them from realizing I was going to be sick, all while five kids were asking me different questions. I think I was successfully able to distract them from me vomiting in the trashcan so they didn't notice, but there was still the fact that I was feeling unwell thanks to some new medication. And it's ONLY WEDNESDAY MY DUDES.

Ahhhhhh it's fine, it's fine, I'm going on vacation in two weeks and I'll be on a cruise, and I'll be FINE. But yeah, that's my hectic week in a nut shell, and is why I forgot about Taka's birthday. Thank god I put a birthday post in my queue yesterday or I'd have forgotten entirely, ugh.

But yeah, here's the chapter. I hope y'all like! Thanks for the comments, they really do help. <3

You can read the chapter here.

Summary:

Mondo Owada can deal with a lot of shit without any problem. He’s had to in order to survive. An abusive, deadbeat old man. An alcoholic, neglectful ma. The death of his older brother, the only person in this godforsaken world who has ever (and likely will ever) love him. It may have hurt like a bitch and caused him to close himself off emotionally, but he got through it and is still standing strong.

However, trying to sort out the tangled mess of emotions he feels whenever he’s around a certain red-eyed, spiky haired, and impossibly uptight Ultimate Moral Compass? Now, that just might be too much for him to handle.

Companion piece to The Problem with Perfection.

Chapter 17

Read from the beginning

[loveactionsspeaklouder]

we belong together - kylian mbappé and julian draxler fanfic

14| Backwards

june 2024| london

It was a sunny and warm day in Molly's beautiful hometown in London; unfortunately, her mood didn't match. She was back to square one; hating everything about herself, her reflection in the mirror made her physically sick. She had been home for less than two weeks and she hadn't smiled once, not even a fake 'I'm so happy to be home' smile. Instead, she spent her days locked away in her old bedroom, occasionally heading downstairs to grab some food.

"Why are you such a fuck up?" she started. "Why do you ruin everything?" she hissed. She glared at the person staring back at her. It was the person she hated the most in the world, but the person she knew she couldn't erase, not again. "Why are you like this?"

The next sound heard sent shockwaves through the house. The shattered pieces from the mirror fell to the floor, the blood from Molly's hand ran rapidly down her skin and her screams became louder. She needed somebody to talk to, but the two-main people in her life were both ignoring her. Julian was still raging with the potential feelings she still had for Kylian, he didn't know how long he could keep going in circles with her. So, he listened to her and gave her space; but it happened at the wrong time, a week later it was Kylian's turn to leave Molly all alone.

Until now.

"Molly," Kylian screamed. "What have you done?" he rushed into her room and scooped her into his arms, pulling her into the bathroom. He removed her bloodstained top and helped clean up her wound. He wrapped his arms around her body and pulled her closer to him, tracing a soothing hand over her back. "I'm here Molly. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left you."

After a week of no contact, Kylian's anger had subdued. He had turned up at his house after training to see his ex-girlfriend and current fiancé in a very deep conversation. He was shocked at first, eventually, he quickly grew from confused to angry. He couldn't understand why Molly had told Rosalie there was nothing between them; with the sight of them in his kitchen, he was ready to end his engagement and finally get back with his former lover, but she had other ideas. It was something she knew she needed to do; but after, she felt worse.

The guilt settled in when he received a phone call from Molly's mother, she was begging him to come help her daughter. Without question, he dropped everything, packed a bag and took the first flight to London, luckily walking in just as Molly started to crumble. "Kylian," she whispered, nuzzling her head into his chest. "Please help me."

"Mon ange, I'm not leaving," Kylian murmured, closing his eyes. "Come back to me," he choked. He opened his eyes and pulled his head away, cupping Molly's cheeks. He tenderly stroked her skin, wiping away her flowing tears. "I love you," he softly smiled. He leaned forward and kissed her, unable to stop his actions any longer. It had been over two months since he had made any physical contact with her, he knew he was never going to be able to leave her alone.

....

june 2024| paris

"Why am I not allowed to see into my own apartment?" Molly questioned. Freddie giggled and guided the brunette towards her apartment door. It was her first day back in Paris since her mini-breakdown in London; Kylian ended up staying for the full week, interacting with her family and making sure she was feeling alright before he left. "Fred, you know I'm not a big fan of surprises."

"First thing, it's Freddie," he glared. He softly nudged her and flicked her ear, she hissed and shoved him back. "Second thing, you'll like this one," he proudly smiled. He pushed open the door and let out a breath, removing the blindfold from her eyes. "Surprise!"

Molly widened her eyes; there, stood in front of her was none other than Julian, a bouquet of red roses in his hand. She dropped her bags in shock and rushed into the arms of the German, letting out a noise of disbelief and happiness. "I've miss..."

Julian interrupted Molly with a passionate kiss, pulling her closer to his body. He dropped the flowers and wrapped his arms tightly around her frame, continuing to kiss every inch of her face. He broke away and rested his forehead on hers, tenderly tracing a finger over her cheek.

"Excuse me," Freddie coughed. He smirked when he saw the two lovebirds blush. "I will leave you two alone. Call me later sexy Medina. Bye Julie."

Julian rolled his eyes and closed the door, leaving them the only ones in the room. He turned back around and quickly kissed Molly. "Kylian told me about London," he sighed. She intertwined their fingers and pulled them to the couch. She straddled his waist, keeping their hands connected. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, I shouldn't have left you."

"Julian," she breathed, her eyes observing his face. "I don't blame you." She placed a hand on his cheek and pecked his lips. "I'm hurting you, you don't deserve that."

"I don't care about any of that," he spoke. "I want to be with you. You know how much I love you and nothing you do will push me away," he whispered. "I was so worried about you. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I don't know how much longer I can be without you."

Molly closed her eyes and placed her hands on his shoulder. She thought of all the pain she had experienced for the past four years and the hurt she continued to feel. She knew what she had to do, but she was still unsure about her actions. She realised she had to do something quick, she was still hurting the people around her and it was only getting worse. So, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, preparing herself for the words she was about to speak. "I promise you this," she started. "I will sort all of this shit out, then, I'm yours."

....

june 2024| paris

"I'm in love with Molly."

"I've been having an affair with her."

"I want to be with her."

Kylian repeated these words, over and over, for the past twenty minutes. Staring at his reflection, he tried to picture how he'd look when he eventually said them to his heavily pregnant fiancé, who was getting ready in their shared bedroom. He knew he was making another impulse decision, but he couldn't handle being away from Molly any longer. Had he spoken with her? No. Did she know of his plans? No. Would she be happy when she found out? Absolutely not.

"Kylian," Rosalie giggled. She entered their shared bathroom and wrapped her arms around her fiancés waist. Kylian let out a breath and placed a small kiss to her forehead. "I'm the one pregnant, yet it still takes you longer to get ready."

Kylian sighed. He knew that Rosalie was unaware of his affair, he was quite surprised Adam hadn't told her. He knew that she still felt guilty about her infidelity with him, but he was unable to stay mad at her for long, seen as he had done much worse with his former girlfriend. Kylian and Molly's affair might have ended months ago, but that didn't stop the growing feelings from the Frenchman. When the public finally discovered his actions, he knew he would be painted as the villain, but he didn't care.

Rosalie's parents were visiting the seemingly happy couple and were scheduled to meet them tonight for a dinner. It was only a couple of weeks until the baby was due and she knew she needed all the support she could find. Fuck, he realised. I can't do it now. What will her parents say? She's about to have my child.

"I can't do this," Kylian screamed accidentally. Rosalie took a step back and headed into their bedroom, she placed herself on the bed and rested a protective hand over her swollen belly. "I know this isn't the best timing and I'm sorry, but you need to know this."

"Are you on about the baby Kylian? Because it's a bit fucking late to be regretting it now," she scoffed. He turned his head at her sudden outburst, the anger in her eyes scared him. "This is about her, isn't it? I knew it. I knew that little chat she had with me was rubbish. How long?"

"Four months," Kylian whispered. He watched as tears started to rapidly fall down Rosalie's cheeks. "But I stopped when I found out you were pregnant," he continued. He walked closer to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, she rested her head in the crook of his neck and continued to cry. "Rose, I'm so sor..."

Kylian was interrupted by the deafening scream of Rosalie; her hands went straight to her stomach, her cheeks went bright pink, her breathing started to speed up. "Kylian," she muttered. His eyes went wide when he moved his head to the floor, the puddle evident around her delicate legs. He looked from her feet to her face, feeling his heartbeat ten times faster. "The baby's coming.”

....

a/n: here comes the baby!!!! so.. there is 1 chapter left (ahhhhhh) it’s coming to an end :(((

as always, thank you so so much for the comments/likes on this story and One Year - these are my babies so it means a lot xxx

[kaylees-fandomworld]

I Love You, You Idiot!

Choi San x Fem! Reader one-shot

Genre: Angst, smut

Warnings: Oral (F receiving), Aggressive San, mention of virginity and STD’s.

You stormed through the house, anger clear on your face. You made it to your room slamming the door. How dare he? He knows how much this meant to you and yet he continues to choose that mangy airhead who has no concept of modesty. He was your best friend and he consistently let her cheat and hurt him. However, he only knows how much he means to you as a friend. You had known him for three years, and you definitely couldn’t deny that you wanted more than friendship from him. Then again you really had no right to act this way he wasn’t your boyfriend. 

“What the hell is your problem?” He yelled, barging into your room.

“Why do you even care? Don’t you have a girlfriend.” You grumbled as you grabbed a towel out of your closet. You wanted to cool down and clear your head. You wanted to cry and let the hot water hide your tears.

“She’s not here, so what’s your problem?” you ignored him walking into the bathroom, he followed you not giving you the chance to get away from him.

"Leave me alone San!!" You snapped. He looked angrier than he had a minute ago.

"No, maybe if you stop acting like a brat and tell me what's wrong then I might just do that," you were fuming. You strutted forward placing your hands on his chest and pushed him as hard as you could. You surprised him enough to make him stumble back slightly. 

"I'm not a brat, you're just stupid! Go find your basic whore of a girlfriend and just leave me. The Hell. Alone.” With each breath, you forced him out of the room. You didn’t bother to look at him, you didn’t care anymore. You went to slam the door but San smacked his hand against it stopping it from closing. 

“Why are you being like this? What the hell did I do?” This time you looked at him. His eyes had softened but he still held an angry expression.

“If you have to ask then maybe you should leave and figure it out for yourself. Oh and by the way you should really make sure you don’t have any STIs while you’re gone.” You gave him a fake smile and finally closed the door and locked it. You got into the shower with a big sigh. You turned on the water jumping when it started off cold. Tears mixed with water as you let everything sink in. you sat there crying and scolding yourself until the hot water ran cold again. You stepped out of the shower wrapping the white fluffy towel around you. When you stepped out of the bathroom you were shocked to see that the house was completely dark. You scoffed walking into your bedroom to change. You opened the door, reaching to your left and flipping on the light.

“Ahhhhhh! What the hell are you doing in my room!” Your heart jumped out of your chest. There he sat, on your bed looking at his hands.

“You know, you should really cut the attitude no wonder you’re single.” He chuckled, standing up from the bed. San walked over to you, his eyes trailing up and down your body.

“What are you doing here?” You grumbled, ignoring how good he looked when he was frustrated. 

“I want you to quit being stubborn and tell me why you’re so pissed off.” His anger returned and the way his eyes scanned your body was not doing you any favors.

“You really want to know what’s wrong?” 

“Yes,”

“Then have fun trying to figure it out! You should really learn to think with your brain instead of your dick you might realize that I’m your friend and Becky is a whore.” You were done with this, with him. 

“Cut the bullshit Y/N, quit acting like I did something to you! I’m not the cause of your problems you know,” He stepped closer to you, causing you to step back.

“There is no bullshit, I’m sick of her she’s a bitch and you are too blinded by sex to see that you’re losing a friend because of her.”

“Why the hell does it matter?” He was angry and you could tell. Unfortunately, you didn’t care, he made a promise and he broke it.

“Do you even pay attention anymore?” You were strangely calm when you asked this question but you were still fuming on the inside.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

“Just forget it, it’s not like you can help it. You’re incapable of paying attention unless it suits that whining airhead. What do you see in her anyways oh wait she helps get your dick wet.” This was it you knew you shouldn’t have said it but you were hurt. He couldn’t even remember the promise he made. San practically flew toward you, pushing your back against the wall, his hands on either side of your head. His face was inches away from yours, and your breath hitched. 

"Let's get one thing straight, I am not in the mood to tolerate your bratty attitude, so listen carefully, beautiful, I can have anyone I want when I want, it just so happens that Becky is always around when I need a reason to blow off steam. Now, I'm your best friend and I want you to tell me what's gotten under your skin." He seethed. You pushed him away from you with a dull laugh.

"Wow, you really are clueless. What's gotten under my skin is the fact that you don't care anymore. You never keep your promises and you never even talk to me anymore!" Your eyes stung with tears. But you continued. "You are so busy with bitchy Becky to even notice that your 'best friend' misses you. You forgot the promise that you made months ago to come with me to meet my family on my birthday when I really needed you. You don't care that it hurts me every time I see you with her! You don't care that you're the only person in my life that means the world to me! You don't care enough to know when I tell you to go have fun that I really mean stay with me! You don't care San and I'm beginning to think that you didn't care to begin with! You don't care that I need you! You don't care that you're not just a friend to me! You just don't!" You were crying, anger swam in your veins but you couldn't bring yourself to hit him. To hurt him. San's face looked shocked. 

"What do you mean, not just a friend?" 

"It doesn't matter what it means." You stutter not realizing he caught that.

"It doesn't matter? Yes, the fuck it does you want me to care then tell me what the fuck that means!" 

"Ughhh you are so clueless!!" 

"Y/n just fucking tell me!"

"IT MEANS I LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT!" You screamed. Your face went pale once you realized what you had said. Tears fell as you started panicking. This was going to ruin your friendship. He looked at you only for a moment before he left the room slamming the door behind him. You collapsed to the floor as you felt your heart shatter. Your sobs were so painful you couldn’t breathe. They were broken and quiet. You clawed at your heart, not able to take away the pain. You were hurt, and it was your own fault. 

After a while, you had finally managed to get off the floor and change. You put on a hoodie that San had given you a long time ago and some shorts. You climbed into your bed and cried yourself to sleep.

***

It had been four days since you had confessed to San, and he hadn’t stopped by to see you. You’ve practically been laying in bed the whole time only getting up to shower and use the restroom. Your stomach was in knots so much so that the only thing you could keep down was water. You couldn’t eat and you spent your nights crying and you would sleep all day. You had even cut your phone off not really wanting to talk to anyone. However, this had to end soon and you had to get over him eventually.

 It was noon already, so you decided to roll out of bed to take a shower. You walked into the bathroom and started stripping. You didn’t bother to look at yourself in the mirror, you knew you looked a mess. You hopped in the shower and let the hot water cascade down your body. 

You finished your shower and went back to your room to change. You walked in mindlessly, not expecting anyone to be in the room. However, a scream left you when you were grabbed and pushed face-first against the wall. Your hands were pinned behind your back and you knew something was about to happen. 

“How long?” San’s voice filled your ears. You were shocked.

“S-san what are you doing here?”

“How long have you felt this way?” He asked again. You struggled against him, but it didn’t seem to work.

“Why are you doing this?” 

“Dammit Y/N, just answer the question.” He said calmly, almost as if he needed you to answer him.

“Two years, are you happy now? Just let me go!” You wiggled in his grip once more and he finally let you go.  You turned to look at him, he looked disheveled. In fact, he looked like he was in just as bad of shape as you. 

“San, I’m sorry.” You whispered looking down at your bare feet. 

“It’s not your fault.” He moved away from you, giving you more space. You just looked at him trying to figure out why he wasn’t blaming you.

“It is, I should have never fallen for you. You’re my best friend and now that’s ruined because I…” You choked.

“No, don’t you dare blame yourself for this. To tell you the truth Becky was just a reason to get you out of my head.” He said, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“I was jealous, San, that’s on me. I fell in love with you, why did you have to get me out of your head?” You didn’t want to assume anything in case the reason for his actions wasn’t what you thought that they were. He looked at you and his eyes trailed your body once again and you couldn’t help the ache that showed its ugly head. He stepped towards you, pinning you against the wall again.

“Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think I enjoy spending time with you knowing that if I acted on my urges I would lose you?”

“San…”

“No, let me finish. Do you think it was easy for me to think that you didn’t feel the same way? Do you think it was easy to be with Becky instead of you? Do you think I actually enjoyed not being able to touch you or kiss you, just because you were my best friend?” His eyes scanned your delicate frame as his hands rested on your hips. Your stomach did flips as his hands began to move down your legs fiddling with the hem of the towel.

“San I don’t…” You breathed. Your heart was racing and you had no idea what to say.

“Then don’t say anything and let me fix this.” With that, his lips pressed to yours in a passionate kiss. Your hands wrapped around his neck as your lips moved in sync. He lifted you up and carried you over to the bed. Without breaking the kiss he gently laid you down on the soft cotton duvet. One of his hands opened the towel while he kept himself propped up on the other one. He broke the kiss, pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it somewhere in the room. You moved up to the top of the bed and San threw the towel away crawling to you. He placed a knee against your heat, and you bucked your hips causing rough friction from his black jeans.

“San..” You moaned. He took this as a sign to continue. He leaned down placing his lips against yours this time was heated and sensual. He trailed kisses along your jaw and down your neck. He sucked and nipped at the skin, gaining more moans from you. You continued to rub yourself against his leg.

“San wait…” You tried not to moan when he bit down on a sweet spot causing you to clench around nothing. He sat up and looked into your eyes.

“We don’t have to go all the way. I know you’re not ready, but at least let me make up for breaking my promise.” He whispered, leaving a sweet kiss on your forehead. He grabbed your face with both hands kissing you again. He sat up, admiring the view in front of him. You blushed, crossing your arms over your chest in an attempt to cover yourself. San gripped your wrists, his eyes full of lust. 

“You are stunning.” His hands caressed your sides, sliding them down your legs and hooking them under your knees. You whined when you felt him move his knee away from your core as he migrated backward. As he moved, he pushed your knees up and apart. You shuddered when he licked his lips at the sight of you spread out in front of him. You were completely vulnerable. 

“San please… do something…” You whined. Your body was feverish and your face was painted with need. You could feel yourself getting wetter as he looked at you like a piece of meat.

“For a virgin you sure are needy.” He raised an eyebrow at you, you whimpered at his teasing and glared up at him. He only chuckled before leaning down and placing a soft kiss just above your navel. The contact made your heart jump. He marked your skin in red going from the top of your stomach to your hips. One of his hands slid up your inner thigh, stopping just close enough to feel his warmth. You bucked your hips only to have him push them down onto the mattress with his other hand. He was teasing you and you weren’t a fan. 

“Stop teasing me…” You pouted. His eyes met your pleading ones.

“Stop moving. I need you to relax, if you rush me I could hurt you so just be patient princess,” He looked at you with sincerity. He really didn’t want you to have a bad experience. You nodded, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. You had never felt this before, you had wet dreams about San but you were always too embarrassed to act on them. In short, you had never touched yourself, but you were going to let him do what you were too scared to do. San placed another kiss on your cheek moving toward your ear.

“Just relax, beautiful.” He whispered before nibbling on your ear. You gasped, feeling his fingers glide over your slick folds. He shushed you with a kiss before slowly plunging a finger into you. Your hands grasped the sheets, breaking the kiss. It was uncomfortable but pleasurable.

“San… I...Oh god…” You moaned when he began pumping his hand at a steady pace. 

“Damn, you’re so wet, princess.” He growled. You clenched around his finger at the dirty words. Things like this had always embarrassed you when people would talk about it. You found it scandalous, but it seemed to come naturally to San and he sounded so hot growling such vulgar words in your ear.  

“Please...more..” You mewled. He swiftly slipped a second digit into you quickening the pace. You arched your back at the stretch. You opened your eyes to look at San just in time to see him latch onto your thigh sinking his teeth into the tender flesh. An electric shock surged through you at the action. San made a note of this little reaction. You closed your eyes again, reaching up to grab the pillow beneath your head. San took this opportunity to surprise you. He leaned down, blowing cool air at your soaked heat. You tried to close your legs, but he held them open with his other hand. You let out a pained whine when he removed his fingers, your eyes shooting open to look at him. His eyes met yours from between your legs. His eyes never left yours as he attacked your core with un-satisfiable hunger. 

“Ahhh...S-Saann...ahh!” He hooked his arms under your legs, laying flat on his stomach and pulling you closer to him. Your hands desperately search for something to hold onto feeling him suck and bite the sensitive skin. A rather sharp bite to your clit sent your hands down to his head. You tangled your hands in his hair and you felt him smirk against you. Another yelp left your mouth when his tongue plunged into you. A knot grew in your stomach and it started to become a little unbearable.

“S-San...I-I...c-can’t...Ahhhh….” You wailed, but san didn’t stop instead he inserted his fingers and moved up to watch as your face twisted with pleasure. Your hands let go of his hair returning to the sheets beneath you. San placed the thumb of his other hand on your clit rubbing in fast circles as his fingers curled moving at an inhuman speed.

"It's okay princess, let go. Cum for me, beautiful." As soon as the words left his mouth the knot was released and your legs began to shake. You whimpered through your high as San slowly came to a stop before removing his fingers. You panted and your heart raced as you stared at the ceiling. San got off the bed but you were too weak to see where he was going. 

You flinched when you felt a warm washcloth come in contact with your core. You felt as San cleaned you up with gentle pressure. When finished he tossed the rag into the laundry basket and grabbed his shirt off the floor. He climbed back on the bed beside you reaching his arm out.

"Give me your hands." You did as told latching onto his arm with both hands. He carefully pulled you into a sitting position. You wanted to lay back down. He chuckled at your tired face as he pulled his shirt over your head. He helped you put it on and gently laid you back down on the bed. 

You watched your legs continue to shake as San pulled the covers out from under you then folded them over the two of you. He pulled you close to him, placing your head on his chest. This is what you craved, just to be close to him. He kissed the top of your head as he rubbed soothing circles on your back. Your face suddenly fell as you realized what just happened. 

“San we shouldn’t have done this, you have a girlfriend,” you whispered as you tried to move away from him. He pulled you back placing his hand on your chin. 

“I broke up with her a week ago, after your birthday. She tried to keep me away that day on purpose. Yes, I was with her that day but I didn’t forget I was stranded.”

“What do you mean?” you were confused and strangely guilty. 

“She called me saying that she had something to give you for your birthday, but when I got there it was just a trick, she was sitting on the couch just watching tv. When I asked her about the gift she looked at me like I had grown two heads. Every time I tried to leave she threatened to send out a picture of you to everyone at the company. 

“What picture?” You were scared to know what kind of photo she had of you.

“This one,” San pulled up the photo, it was a nude photo that you had taken a long time ago when you were feeling bold. You could’ve sworn you had deleted that photo.

“I see, wait how and why do you have that photo and why did you act like you had no clue what you did?" You raised an eyebrow at him. 

"Honestly, I told her that if she didn't send it to me and delete it from her phone that I would tell her family that she has herpes." Your eyes almost popped out of your head. 

"D-do you have…" you gulped.

"Hell no, I would have never touched you if I did. She got it over a month ago and I haven't slept with her or kissed her in like two and if you don't believe me I already got tested weeks ago I'm clean." You let out a sigh of relief.

"So why did you want that photo?" 

"Isn't it obvious, you're hot." You blushed.

" and I wanted to be the only one to see your beautiful body in all its glory." He said kissing you. You broke the kiss and looked down at your hands.

"But why did you pretend?"

"You wouldn't give me a chance to explain why I never showed you just started ignoring me, so I pretended that I didn't know why you were mad and then when you confessed I felt so bad that I just left. But I'm here now and what matters is that I realize that I love you and I have for as long as I've known you." 

"I love you too." You whispered leaning in to kiss him. He pulled you closer, placing kisses all over your face. You giggled laying on your back, San hovering over you.

"AH Y/N-ah will you do me the honor of becoming my girlfriend?" He asked his thumb, stroking your cheek.

"Of course." You answered, kissing him.

[ones-delight]

I unfortunately won’t have therapy until the end of this month (I should have scheduled one earlier this month ugh lmao I thought one later this month would be better) so I’m doing what my therapist suggested, write down all what’s going through my head even if it doesn’t make sense to help bring myself back to reality. lol. I’m very much lost in my own sauce of feelings and thoughts. it’s allllll about my ex again so ugh lmao. My main anxieties are just feelings about my ex and what’s coming up this semester.

I’m currently in my apartment in Iowa City since we’re about to start back up my usual routine. I’ve been here for almost two weeks now which is nice because I’ve been trying to take my time to relax and get myself mentally prepared for this upcoming semester. I’m also low key glad I’m having these overwhelming anxieties right now instead of later this week. I need to ask my therapist again what exactly I am feeling (if it’s like a panic attack because i truly dont know) because I’ve been feeling hella anxious the past few days (in general) and yesterday my anxiety was so intense that I barely ate and I felt sick to my stomach. idk if others have the same too but when I also get hella anxious, all I want to do is go to the bathroom so tmi lmao. I feel this way now and I just cannot stop crying so again, I’m just writing everything that’s going through my mind lmao.

#1) Related to my ex, heart break

Yeah.. I literally keep talking about this/him and I’m glad I have multiple outlets that I can say what’s going through my mind because if I keep these thoughts to myself, I keep spiraling. I’m also very thankful I have multiple strong support systems from people where it truly doesn’t get annoying to them when I keep talking about him/my overall heart break/healing journey. I know I don’t want to burden my friends with my own thoughts (it can be a lot) so overall very thankful for friends, family, and my therapist lmao. 

I think the last time I talked about my heart break was the letter I wrote to him. I wrote it and sent it to him lmao. I also wrote his mom a letter in Spanish because I want to stay connected with her and very thankful she reciprocates the same energy, Apparently, he never received the letter even though I sent it over 3 weeks ago, but anyways yeah that’s a story I will tell later in this post. Anyways, it’s legit easier said than done to completely stop checking on his social media. I was doing great before winter break. Now that winter break has happened (still kind of is for a few more days), I have relapsed where I was checking very often. The break was great since I got to spend quality time with family, however, unfortunately being back in Wichita still floods a lot of my emotions where there are still a lot of memories of him and I that still makes me feel sad (luckily no longer sobbing about but I do still feel some type of way. It’s getting better thankfully). It also hurts that he’s making new memories with his new girlfriend Kylie so I was def feeling all sorts of things. Sorry, I’m trying to go onto chronologize order of events that have happened. I’m jumping back and forth lmao 

First, did I mention his mom called me the day before Christmas? I was SHOOOOOK when I saw her name on my phone. I legit froze because I wasn’t sure if it was actually her so I accidently missed her call. I’m so glad she left a voicemail so I could listen first and immediately call her back LMAO. But basically, she wanted to check in to see how I was doing, wish me and my family a merry christmas/happy new year, and asked if I could come see her. We joked a bit back and forth like how she was learning English for me while I’m learning Spanish for her. lmao. so after this phone call, I wrote her a letter to update her on what I’ve been doing. I wrote it all in Spanish since that’s her primary language so thank god for google translate. overall, I told her about how I’m about to earn my masters degree in may, I’ve lost now 30 lbs of weight/having a better relationship with food, how I’m honestly still hurt about her son cheating on me (I was in my feels. You know if you ever get those feelings like you want your mom? She legit is like a mom to me since my mom isn’t an active part of my life so yeah I guess you can say I got mommy issues but anyways) I also told her that if she’d still like me to come over, I’d love to come over and see her.

Few days go by, I’ve been creeping onto his social media, it stings to see how he has flaunted his relationship with Kylie. It hurts because I keep playing this comparison game because he truly has NEVER allowed me to post about us and he would himself refuse to post about us on his social media. So, just to see how he’s been basically spending every single day with her and posting her throughout all of his social media, makes me feel an extreme type of way. during new years, she had a party at her house where it was him, her, his brother paco (which I was SHOOOK because she met paco and not everyone has ever met paco, who is his oldest brother), miguel and his girlfriend (both are super cute btw), Blake (surprisingly), and Erik. I felt some kind of way because obviously I know they would share a new years kiss even tho they’ve only been dating for literally a month. I dated him for 3 years and NEVER got a new years kiss (because he wanted to be with bros). Valentines day is coming up and it’d be their “two month” anniversary and I just KNOW he’d actually put EFFORT into spending that day with her. 3 years I dated this guy and he never ONCE did ANYTHING for me for valentines day. ok I’m getting more hurt thinking how he’s treating his other girls better than me so anyways BACK TO THE TOPIC

few days go by and I got another call from his mom. I actually picked up this time because I was really excited to hear her voice again. I legit would die for this woman legit #1 mom. She asked if she could see me and I happily said yes. It really means a lot that she still gives me the same energy that she gave me when I was still dating her son. One of the hardest parts of us breaking up was the potential of losing his family too because they are all truly good people and I am NOT the CEO of letting people go lmao. okay back to subject, I had TONS of anxiety driving over to her house because I had so many thoughts. I asked on the phone if 1.) is Lalo there. She said no. 2.) Is Paco there. No, he apparently flew back to California that morning. I was low key hoping paco would be there still because it would be cool to catch up with him but anyways my main concern was if eduardo was there so since he wasn’t, I was like “ok vroom vroom let’s go” lmao. WOWOWOWWO seeing her just made my heart so happy. She def has a lot more gray hairs since the last time I saw her lmao she’s the cutest anyways, I’m really shook that HIS DAD FREAKING HUGGED ME. THIS MAN NEVER USUALLY HUGS ANYONEEEEEEEEEEE. Typically how we greet each other, it’s like a wave from a distance and we obvi acknowledge each other. so WOOOOW I was very thankful and shook he hugged me. Anyways, his mom showed me around the house with the Christmas decorations, I noticed her birds were still doing well, she even showed me her new plants she got lmao. We sat at the dining room table and talked and ate mexican snacks. She has broken English and I have broken Spanish so literally thank god for dualingo because it has helped me. I love how when we are together, we talk really slow and try to annunciate for each other LMAOOO. Anyways, THIS WOMAN ALSO GOT ME A STOCKING filled with Mexican Candy. omg this woman i love her so much. Anyways, I showed my tattoos to her and she legit wanted to murder me lmao but she says she likes them but hates them at the same time. She also sat me down and we had a serious conversation in terms of how she sees me. She said that I am no longer known as lalo’s novia, what I am to her is a daughter. I am evelyn’s sister and yo boi that got me crying in the club because that’s what I would love to have, to maintain my relationship with them . Okay, to kind of speed things up, basically we kept talking about Evelyn’s quinceanera that’s happening this year AHHHHHH, dropped Evelyn off and her friend to a friend’s quince, and his mom took me to eat at paleterias tropicana where I tried elote for the first time and had a jugo verde WOOOOOW SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD. literally cannot stop thinking about it. Anyways, random note, I noticed my old K-State beanie in the car and his mom said it was Evelyn’s. It gave me a weird feeling because it was originally mine that he gifted me on our first Christmas together but obviously I knew he wouldn’t keep it so I’m not suprised he gave it to Evelyn. It made me wonder then what did he do to the other gifts that he originally gave me but I gave it back to him once we broke up.. okay that was a tangent, anyways, that was it with the night with his mom and ughhh it was a really fun night and I really am looking forward to seeing her again.

Now fast forward to now-ish, me not doing good of not checking his social media, I got triggered because they now made it “facebook officlal” that they are dating. it triggered me because again, he refused to publicize our relationship and it really threw me off that they’ve only been dating for a month (technically interested in each other since October, started dating November) and already publicizing they are together. they moving hella quick and basically, I got hella bitter. I felt reckless and I texted him. I KNOW I shouldn’t have texted him because I immediately felt a sense of regret after but also low key glad I did text him. ugh i hate me lmao. Anyways, i texted him and he asked if he could call me so I said yes. Luckily, the conversation was better than I expected because it was simply like two old friends catching up. It was a really good feeling even tho I’m honestly still hurt about the way that he treated me. It caught me by suprised when he said that he has talked about me with Kylie and he actually stated that he knows what he did and feels regretful for the choices he made. That was a huge shocker and I do still have trust issues because I try to take things that he says with a grain of salt. He may be saying things to me that I want to hear but it’s not the truth so anyways lmao. Our conversation was good and it really got me thinking what exactly am I doing/how am I really feeling.

I really am happy for him. Yes i’m still deeply hurt and feel a type of way about how he treated me, but I can’t do anything about the past and all I can do is just simply be happy for him. I will always love him without a doubt, but he isn’t my person. I hope this doesn’t come off as selfish but he will never find someone better than me, he is simply finding someone better suited for him. What helps me the most about this is thinking about ME because that’s the situation for him, however, I know I will find someone better than him because I deserve the best.

I felt bad for asking because I am just fucking nosy and I’m glad he was okay with me asking about what happened with his relationship with Lila (the girl he left me for) and how did he start dating Kylie. He shared with with me that even though it was all great in the beginning with Lila (and let me tell you dude, he totally was hella infatuated with her lmao), they started becoming two different people. She apparently wasn’t emotionally there for him when he needed her (IRONICCCCCCCCCCCCC BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW HE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT OUR 3 YEARS TOGETHER) and she ended the relationship. It did make me sad to hear because everyone needs support and it is sad when you go to someone for support and they don’t give you it, ya know? anyways, he said with Kylie, they’ve been friends for two years (I knew who she was when we were together but they’ve always only been friends since they worked at the Sunflower together. This will sound extremely bad but I never thought about her being a girl to worry about because she did a lot of “white” things that we make fun of white people for and so it kind of shocked me that he is dating her now but anyways) apparently he said that “they were hanging out and next thing he knows is that he kissed her and that’s how they started dating.” dude didn’t want to go into detail which was fine but I’m also in my head like “ok lmao you literally just got broken up by your ex and then immediately start hanging out with another girl? ok” ANYWAYS, I really am happy for him and wish him the best. 

It was cool to hear about what he’s hoping to do. He shared a lot more detail than usual which again caught me by surprise. Anyways, he shared that he is currently looking for a new place to live (a house to rent) somewhere in college hill (conveniently where Kylie also lives lmao) with Erik. He is also hoping to find another job soon because things at KWCH are no longer making him feel happier so he’s looking to see if he can work for a non-profit org which makes me happy for him because I’d also want to do the same. If I’m at a job where I’m not excited to be, I’d want to also try to make a switch. He also shared that junior (martin, his little brother) will be moving to Cali in May to move close to paco which wow made me really happy for them all. Anyways, he shared that he is hoping to stay in Wichita for about one more year and then possibly relocating to KC or somewhere in Oklahoma. i did encourage him KC because it seems that KC has much more opportunities than Wichita and Oklahoma. Only thing we both hate is driving in KC lmao

Okay, so overall, I’m still really hurt about how our relationship was and how it ended but I’m very grateful that I’m doing what is best for me to make progress because this is not an overall easy thing to do, move on. I do feel low key embarrassed that I still am not over our break up but I’m very glad that I know that He isn’t my person. we will and I cannot get back together with him even if he stated that he has “changed” Yes i invested so much in him to be my forever partner and it didn’t work out but that’s okay. I’m always willing to invest in people to be the best version of themselves and it really makes me happy to see people thrive. I truly cannot and will not take him back if there was ever a time where he wanted to give us a second try because I need to remember how he treated me. If he really was always thinking it was me, then he shouldn’t have cheated on me, treated me so poorly. I’m okay with us remaining friends, but as partners in life? that isn’t it. I deserve so much better and the man of my dreams will come. I’m 10000000% okay with being single because I know I need to work on myself so that I can be fully ready for my next. I really wish my next relationship is my one and only, but hey we’ll see. 

so this is already extremely long but I’m very glad I got this all out of me. I know I have other anxieties such as starting school again, which will be my last semester before I earn my masters (FINALLY), RA training coming back up (so me working is coming back), JOB SEARCH. So much is coming up and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to get my head into gear. 

[beepity]

(TW!: abuse/gaslighting)

Hey gamers...

I need a bit of help from the good ol mcyt community which I've been considering a safe place. A couple months ago I had gotten out of a bit rough situation. I had a friend who had been, to put it lightly gaslighting me for around 4 years. In those 4 years I discovered the Lunchclub community which I then shared with this "friend". After I split from them it became attached to too many memories and I cant stomach to watch their old content without feeling sick and having a panic attack. I then discovered Dream Team and the Dream SMP crew which became my safe place from all that. I felt like the people in the community were nicer, I didnt have any previous mental quarrels with any of the members. It was safe. I found out that this person who I'd been running from did the same thing. And I know that this is gatekeeping and I feel horrible for it, but I feel like my safe place has violated and its tearing me apart. I dont know what to do and I feel completely helpless. The asshole who ruined my chances at a normal social life, who wrecked my mental state, who caused me to have to go on more antidepressants than I was already on, has made their way into my safe haven where I thought I was finally free.

I need help. Please. I dont know what to do anymore.

EDIT: ahhhhhh you all are so nice!!! So many of you gave me some really good advice and I cannot express how thankful I am for it!! Yall made me feel so much better about the whole situation and though it's still a little panic inducing to me it's not even near as bad as it was earlier. Thank you!!! <3<3<3<3

[freeshavacado]

My thoughts while reading Gone by Michael Grant:

* wait how old is Sam

* He do be liking Astrid doe

* Damn so Sam is a Leader

* Ew Orc is an 8th grader? 🤮

* Ok I googled it Sam is 14

* I like Quinn

* Sam thinks he’s so awkward but he’s actually really chill so far

* THE PAIN THIS GIRL IS GOING THROUGH OH MY GOD

* Poor Mary :(

* Howard’s a bitch

* Cut to Quinn being a racist motherfucker

* I love Edilio

* Sam is WHIPPED for Astrid

* Orc is such a piece of shiiiiiit

* LANAAAAA :(((

* Poor thing is in so much pain

* Patrick her dog is alive so that’s good

* She’s deadass slowly dying

* Thank god her arm is better

* I want to make this into a TV series

* If Sam and Astrid don’t kiss at some point I swear

* Hahahaha Sam do be shirtless rn

* Why isn’t Astrid happy to see Little Pete???

* MARY. IF YOU POUR HOT ASS COFFEE ON A CHILD, DONT JUST STAND THERE AND THEN RUN AWAY. PUT COLD WATER ON THE BURN

* Aw Mary has had bulimia since she was ten :(

* Ok so what she just took her Prozac and then threw up? Wouldn’t the pill go up too? I think your stomach/body needs like 30 minutes to absorb it into the blood stream...

* HELP SAM HES CHOKING

* Bruh my ass would be so exhausted

* Quinn low key an ass tho

* Lol edilio isn’t standing for this bullshit

* Lmaooo Astrid knew 💀

* Omg little Pete has it too

* Wow Quinn is an asshole pt 2

* I feel like Caine is gonna be a villain...like he’s pretty AND nice? Nah bro too good to be true

* Fucking Orc god 😒😒😒

* Caine is up to some shit 🤨

* Lmao hold up

* Diana probably whipped tho

* Sam please only be a simp for Astrid 😩

* I bet Drake is hot

* Aww computer Jack :) DONT YOU TURN ON ME SON

* “The captain is already maintaining” Bullshit 💀

* Are they really gonna call this eighth grader ‘Captain’?

* LMAOOO THE BASTARD CANT EVEN READ OR WRITE 💀💀💀

* Lol making Sam the fire chief because he was brave enough to go into a fire one time, so therefore he is the most qualified

* Bruh that’s like if I gave a kid the Heimlich maneuver bc he was choking on a gummy worm or some shit and they were like “Well because she did that, she should be the head doctor!!!”

* CAINE IS FULL OF SUCH BULLSHIT OML

* PRETENDING TO CRY N SHIT GOD

* I already know that Diana is gonna try and seduce Sam while she’s actually a spy for the private school kids

* Which, btw, of course it’s the private school kids smh

* I feel like maybe Computer Jack will be someone who eventually switches to the Good Side

* ALSO wow jack really be thinking that he’s smarter than Astrid smh 🙄

* Jack is such a smartsass

* Diana is such a fucking bitch oh my god 😒😒😒

* “You don’t look tough, Astrid” STFU SHES THE TOUGHEST OF THEM ALL

* Ok but I bet Diana and Astrid low key have sexual tension. Like obviously nothing’s gonna happen...but still

* Bruh I hate Caine

* Fuckin Diana with her ‘readings’ bullshit smh

* YESSSS LANA 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 so strong

* Literally how do they not know how to make pasta

* “I thought your people ate tortillas,” QUINN YOU RACIST PEICE OF SHIT UGH

* Poor Bette :(

* Orc is a piece of shit, I know we’ve already established this but I wanted to say it again

* I love Edilio so much

* Orc really using a slur against Edilio huh. Imma kill him

* IM SO DONE WITH QUINN. THIS BITCH REALLY JUST SAID “let him have her” LIKE TF????

* Drake is such a bastard oh my god

* If you hate Quinn and you know it clap your hands 👏🏻👏🏻

* No seriously. I fucking hate him.

* Nooooo Bette died :((

* “I can’t kiss you with your little brother watching” AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

* Did they kiss or not wtf

* What the hell is up with this cat

* Ah so they did kiss!!

* Why didn’t I get details 🤨

* No a baby died 😞

* Quinn s u c k s

* How convenient that Sam got there *right* before Emma disappeared

* Those last 6 minutes before Anna disappeared too and was calling out to her sister, and so for what she thought was her last few minutes on earth she held sams hand :(

* Lol Diana sucks

* ‘WoRDs DONT sCArE mE’ shut up Drake

* Okay Computer Jack is definitely going to betray them because they underestimate him and take him for granted

* You’re telling me Caine and Sam could be TWINS???

* Why was the kiss ‘a mistake’ ?

* Okay NOW they’re awkward

* “But it was the first time I meant it” I CANT. ITS SO CHEESY

* I HATE QUINN

* These kids are crazy violent

* Fuck Diana

* Yikes now Sam only has some of his eyebrows left 😬

* Caine is in love with Diana 👀

* Little Pete might be more powerful than Caine 😛

* THESE KIDS ARE CRAZY LIKE CHILL

* Diana: I really dislike you Astrid: of course you dislike me, I make you feel inferior

* ROASTED ^

* Mmmm Quinn is trying to redeem himself

* “Don’t call me brah. I’m not your brother” OHHHHHHHHHHH HE REALLY WENT THERE

* that’s what you get for being a backstabbing asshole

* Poor Astrid :(

* Poor Little Pete :(

* Bro I need this to be a movie

* I love that Sam just punched Quinn like we had no choice but to stan

* Ok drake would definitely shoot up a school

* Fuck Drake

* Lana is so strong. Like she’s been in so much pain physically and mentally, and she almost died. But she saved herself and now even though she thinks she might be the only person left alive on earth, she is still keeping strong.

* What happens if the boat runs out of gas?

* Bruh these coyotes don’t give up

* THE COYOTES AGAIN??

* “Go out” “You’ll kill me,” “Yes. Go out, die fast. Stay, die slow”

* Wowwwwwwwwwww^

* Lmaooo “L.P.”

* Awwww Sam: “...she was still so beautiful that sometimes he had to look away.”

* Okay he a lil’ horny

* Awe Astrid and Sam hugging I’m soft 🥺

* I’m so sick of these damn coyotes

* Bruh these coyotes 😒

* Diana is annoying

* Literally can’t remember who Andrew is, but they’re about to film his passing away like wtf

* Poor Andrew :(

* “You’re a deep sleeper, Jack. Just now, while you were sleeping? I held your pudgy little hand. Probably as close as you’ll ever get to holding hands with a girl. Assuming you even like girls.” FUCK YOU DIANA

* Okay so Diana will protect Jack as long as he ‘belongs’ to her and does what ever she wants? That’s pretty sus

* Sam and Astrid kissed again 😖☺️

* Lmaooo Albert over here running McDonald’s

* Salads disappeared quickly from the McDonald’s menu since this whole thing? Who the hell orders a salad from McDonald’s?

* So Albert kinda whipped for Mary 👀

* I haaaaatttteeee the private school kids

* Y’know what depending on where I was and who I was with in this situation, I might’ve just killed myself

* “Remember who owns you” ew 🤨

* Diana. I hate you

* Bro I feel bad for Andrew

* How is Lana back at the cabin?

* That IS Lana right??

* Okay things are moving fast between Sam and Astrid. Like she’s already saying “I just want you here with me. Safe” like 🤢

* Lana, about Sam: your boyfriend? Astrid: ThAts nOt WhAt iTs AbouT

* LMAOO AFTER SHE SAID THAT SHE SAID IN A LOW VOICE “kind of” WHAT

* Lol Lana be out here like “yeah shits crazy. Get with the program”

* Ew they’re eating pudding with their hands 🤮

* I don’t care how hungry you are, that’s gross

* Like get a spoon or something

* Lana just called Astrid “smart girl Barbie” 🤨

* Part of me is like “lol” but the other part of me is like “bruh stop Astrid did nothing wrong”

* I still hate Quinn but he is kind of funny

* Lana calling Astrid “the blonde” like girl 😑

* Bruh you’re stuck in a house that is literally on fire and getting hotter by the second as it fills with smoke, now is not the time to be kissing Astrid

* Finally the damn coyotes are gone.

* Sam is so angry and he’s disgusted with himself for being so angry, I relate

* Fuck you, Quinn

* Fuck drake

* I would gladly kill Drake

* OOOOOOOOO EDILIO LIKES LANA AHHHHHH

* SIMP

* omg I love it 😩

* Lmaooooo Sams speech wow

* Sam you should NOT forgive Quinn. Especially not that fast. Yikes.

* Orc should feel bad for killing Bette. I have no pity for him rn

* Yes please kill drake.

* I am so happy that his arm is on fire. 100% he deserves to feel that pain

* Aww that’s kinda nice that Albert is planning thanksgiving dinner for everyone

* DAMMIT DRAKE

* I hate drake so much like dude just shut up and leave everyone alone

* Orc oh my god I could not be rolling my eyes harder right now

* Tbh if Orc and his other friends die, I’m okay with that

* What tf is up with this DVD

* Little Pete caused all of this??? 😦

* I’m sooooo sick of this whole darkness and coyote stuff istg

* Where is Patrick?????

* If Patrick is dead imma throw hands

* Diana is such an evil person. Like Drake is a monster, but she’s horrible in a different way.

* Also ughhhhhhhhhh Drake is back 😒😒😒😒😒 so sick of that mf

* “So. When do we go take down Sam Temple?” 🙄🙄🙄 no one likes you Drake

* AHAHAHHSJAHSHSHHSHD

* SAM JUST TOLD ASTRID HE LOVED HER

* AND SHE SAID IT BACK

* IM. S O F T

* (like my brain is still saying “y’all have talked for less than two weeks and you’re 14”)

* But like whatever 😭❤️

* My eyes just rolled into the back of my skull once Diana appeared

* Taylor low key flirting with Sam tho 👀

* When I first met Dekka, I was all: ‘what the hecka?’

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* I’m crying because Quinn couldn’t kill Drake because he was scared, and now children are screaming. Ugh I really wanted him to kill Drake but I understand that killing someone is a crazy thing to have on your conscience

* Call me cold hearted, but I would’ve shot him

* This is all in theory of course ^ I bet if I was in that situation though it wouldn’t be as easy as “just shoot him”

* I don’t think I’ve ever been more annoyed with a fictional character than I am with Drake rn

* Yooo I bet Isabella has some animal powers or sumn

* Caine 🙄🙄🙄 like that emoji doesn’t even come close to describing how annoyed I am

* Wait so is Patrick back now or...?

* Caine really just. Kissed Diana. Because she “owed him”????

* THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT

* I literally hate sooooooooo many characters in this book ugh 😒😒😒

* Quinn is watching Drake kill Sam and is doing nothing. I’m so done with this piece of shit

* Ok finally he tried to shoot him

* “You know it always gets me hot when you say ‘apt analogy.’” “Why do you think I do it?”

* Y’all 🥴🥴🥴

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* Literally? Imagine being this heartless. Giving up hundreds of kids to coyotes without hesitation. The hate I have for Caine is real

* Once again, Orc feeling bad for what he did to Bette. And honestly? I’m still okay with that

* This kid is an a l c o h o l i c

* Computer Jack is so annoying like dude stop holding on to Sams leg. Literally

* Still hate Diana, but I like that she’s helping out Sam a little bit

* Ew Diana just kissed Sam on the corner of his mouth 🤢

* I TOLD YALL ^^^

* Yay Patrick is alive :)

* “I guess we won,” Sam said. “Yeah,” Edilio agreed. “I’ll get the backhoe. Got a lot of holes to dig.”

* ^im. Depressed

* I cannot for the life of me remember who Cookie is

* “Orc sat with Howard in a corner by themselves. Orc had fought Drake to a standstill. But no one-least of all Orc-had forgotten Bette.”

* ^good.

* Y’all Sam and Astrid flirting I- 🥴🥴

* We love to see it ^

* Awww “we’re going to the beach” y’all Astrid and Sam are so cute

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* FUCK. Goddamn this cliffhanger 😡

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi: Meat p17-18 reaction

I've realized how page 15 ended with the command "Close your eyes" and page 16 started with Rose talking with her eyes closed. :p

Rose talked about how she'd wake up after looking the demon on her chest into the eyes. She then proceeded to look Dirk straight in the eyes and fall under the spell or whatever it was.

If Dirk truly started influencing Rose and it wasn't just the narration being overly dramatic, then I think it started as she talked about caring about the pieces on the board.

I'm not as sold on the idea that Dirk could be turning into the post-victory end boss anymore. I mean, it's certainly plausible. It could even be that the remaining Reload B2 kids (minus Dirk himself) team up with John against him.

But I think the last paragraph on page 16 could also be interpreted differently. Maybe part of ascending to his ultimate self, for a Prince of Heart, is to "destroy" the boundaries that exist on what he sees as his "self". In that he learns how much of his qualities and flaws exist in other people too. If he can see into his heart, he might learn empathy and become a better person.

Okay, the last sentence seemed to show Dirk take over the narration, but it could also be the visual cue that the narration switched from 3rd person to Dirk's POV, if only for that sentence. It could also be taken to point towards Dirk's growing self-awareness: he's becoming aware of the fact he's a fictional character. In that case, what would it take for John to come to this understanding? To "understand what it all means"?

As for Dirk taking over the other people somehow, growing perhaps a hivemind... Eh. We've had confirmation that Jake looked into his eyes without a problem. Granted, that may have been before Dirk ascended to the god tiers.

Now, next page could stay with Dirk, but I hope it switches back to John. I expect him to undergo some dream sequence before awakening, hopefully still alive. And I hope Terezi will be there when he wakes up. Though it will be sad to see her reaction, if she's learned about Vriska.

==>

AAHHHHHHH he really took over the narration!!! ... Pony Pals Epilogue?

Well then. I... Okay, I wonder whether he'll stick to narrating proceedings on Earth C, or how far his self awareness has grown. DOES he know what Doc Scratch knew, Lord English... Reload Dirk?

"None of my friends have noticed it yet, but you have." He's acknowledging us, the readers. Dear god.

"Anyone paying attention could have guessed by now who’s really telling this story." ... Andrew Hussie? Does Dirk want to wrestle control of his life from the author?

"I’ve caught you leering at some pretty personal moments. Are you having fun being a voyeur?" I came to read a story and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now. Also, I feel I'm being compared to Caliborn in this.

"Knowing their thoughts are transcribed by a third party, does it fill you with a sense of unease, of sickness, sensing that the observations made of their mental interiors may be tainted?" So, Dirk is calling us out on reading their story, as well as indicating to us that what we read about them, even their personal feelings, can be removed from the truth. But, it's not as if HE's going to want to be our narrator, right? Plus, his own POV is still not 'the' truth.

"I am specific. I have a name, an agenda, a vision. I am a monolith of concentrated narrative authority, relaying events to you, and swaying them as I see fit. Whereas you are pointedly nonspecific. You are the generalized, impotent witness to all this." Dirk is self agrandizing himself and describing the MSPA Reader here. He's actually started sounding a lot like Lil Hal, now that he's so convinced of his intellectual prowess. That's not a great evolution.

"I even have the ability to decide what “you” actually means. I can take the “you-ness” away from you, and put it inside another passive mark, such as John Egbert." Does he mean, like, right now, he can decide he's aiming this narration at John? Or... is it what's Blaperile telling me now, that this is supposed to indicate Dirk was the narrator for the entire epilogue up till now? If that's so, everything said in the narration, including the prompts, has just become that much more unreliable.

"So what makes John so special? The answer is something I’m sure you’ve suspected all along but would rather not face, which is: probably nothing. He isn’t special. He’s quite ordinary, I assure you. Boring, even, and getting less interesting by the minute as he’s forced to confront his absolute lack of heroic purpose except as a pawn to be manipulated by a fatalistic reality." Dear god, is John going to have to fight for control of the narration? As for the first thing Dirk says: well, it's true that John is supposed to represent the everyman, the guy that things happen to instead of that he makes them happen, the audience avatar. Now, if John learns about this fact, he might decide to do something against it, snap out of his stupor.

"Anyone can be endowed with this you-ness, if I think it achieves a certain goal." So, will we switch to other you's later on still, narrator guy?

"Even if the objective is merely to demonstrate the gambit’s potential, to reveal the effortlessness behind it. To make a show of who matters and who doesn’t, and even if they do matter, for how long and for what purpose, as dictated solely by the allocation of this faculty. You-ness can be stripped from the lowly Egbert just as easily as it was given, and then bestowed upon the mighty Serket, but even then only long enough to dismiss the vainglorious spotlight hog from the narrative forever. Good riddance." Note that he's saying the "you-ness" is not meant to imply importance to the story. He's saying the effect is used for show. But then this still IS a story, and showing events is part of telling a story. It's like he's trying to convince us he has control over the story, but his control is PART of the story, so yeah, he still hasn't escaped.

... Good to see Homestuck can still become even more meta, after all this time.

"No, in truth, the time has come to make my presence known in order to start bringing my plans to fruition. It’s time to get down to fucking business.

John needs to wake up." Wow. It's time for Dirk's masterpiece then, taking the biggest control he can ever have, weaving the biggest scheme. To what end, then?

Simply to confront John - in Dirk's eyes, a random character in the story, if one with a lot of focus inside the story - with his existence as a fictional character? Will he guide John to Andrew Hussie's ghost?

Also, will the narration even switch back to black ink, I wonder? If it does, though, we'll still be left with the eery knowledge that what we're reading is, even in the first person, narrated by Dirk.

I'm starting to get the distinct impression that Caliborn didn't just botch his maturation process, he also bodged his god tier process. He still took control of the narration, and "expanded" his consciousness through other means (soul sludge merge), and then took control of his story in the multiverse... only for Paradox Space to still damn him in the end.

Also, didn't John speak through the narration during one of the later Homosuck Acts? When he zapped into Caliborn's room? I wonder if he'll do that again some time quick.

Lastly, I wonder if this is why the epilogues are in text format. So that this thing with the narration works even better. Guess What Pumpkin and VIZ Media are publishing this as a novel.

It's a great use of the format Homestuck exists as on the web, making use of the site's template for good color contrast.

==>

Start of Epilogue Four.

"You wake up.

JOHN: wh-what?" ... Is John going to become aware of the change in narrative 'colour' from the start? Starting to speak in dialogue with it, becoming recalcitrant? ... Is Dirk going to start filling the shoes of WV, Terezi, Karkat and all those poor souls guiding John on his story?

"You finally process the true magnitude of what has happened. The Furthest Ring has been completely destroyed. And you’re all alone." Wow. So, uh, what now? And, what of all the universes inside the sessions in the Furthest Ring? How could they have been destroyed, if Universe C is contained somewhere in there?

"Well, you’re vomiting up everything in your stomach. Rest assured, it’s pretty gross" Well, uh, at least he's now finally gotten rid of all that uncooked meat filling his stomach. Seriously, that probably wasn't being digested all that well.

How long before John acknowledges something is wrong with the narration, I wonder?

"You seriously need to get it together. You look like absolute shit right now, my man. In fact, you really should strongly consider issuing an apology for the mess you’re making." And here we have the first instance of Dirk definitely abusing his power.

"JOHN: i’m... JOHN: i’m sorry." :/ What was even the point of making him do that. Just to upset the MSPA Reader, I suppose.

This is basically: what if Lil Hal was an exile.

"Everyone’s dead." Everybody's dead, Dave.

"Well, almost everyone.

But certainly the vast majority of what qualifies as “everyone” in your current frame of reference." John himself excluded, of course. But see, this implies there are more people around, still alive. ... Then again, the narration wouldn't be lying if there were also still dreambubble ghosts. They'd still be dead, after all.

"And most of your friends—Rose, Dave, absurd Cat Dave, and hundreds of ghosts" Not starring in this list: Jade, Meenah. Of course, unreliable narrator goes without saying at this point.

", who all valiantly contributed to a victory which you’re only now beginning to question the functional necessity of." Well, Rose couldn't see "beyond the story" yet when she sent John on this mission. Care to enlighten us, oh wise and omniscient narrator?

"JOHN: functional... necessity?

JOHN: that... that doesn’t sound like something i would think." Ahhhhhh... That feels good. It took John all of two minutes to figure out something was wrong. I'm honestly quite impressed he wasn't hornswaggled on some crazy MacGuffin hunt first.

"That’s because it’s not." Huh! I'd actually thought Dirk would lead with: 'Yes, it is.' Guess he realizes the jig is up!

"You’ve finally noticed.

No, not me. You go back to ignoring the fact that I’m the voice in your head. You noticed how it hurts when you breathe." Ah. So he just goes right back to forcing John to dance to his tune. Tssh.

"On the other hand, the tooth is poisoned." Uh, how? Why? Poison? ... Yet another way in which Lord English was OP'd.

"So you’re pretty much fucked either way, and that’s really all there is to say on the matter.

JOHN: sigh.

You sigh in painful resignation, and wonder what to do next." Dirk is trying to put John's REAL thoughts into a different context. He's basically replaced the narrative, so... Yeah, this really IS a callback to Pony Pals. God damnit. Who'd have thought that would be foreshadowing THIS.

"English is dead, so you suppose you can go home, right? It’s tempting. You consider zapping back to Earth C, being done with this nightmare for good, and never breathing a word of it to anyone ever again. But you can’t yet, can you?" He can't because he won't, or because you won't let him? Does John want to ensure the safety of Universe C, first? Or will he want to check on Terezi first, potentially (we wouldn't be able to tell) nudged into it by Dirk.

"Why not, you wonder? What’s the harm? You’re right, it would probably be a harmless decision, in the grand scheme of things." ... Don't tell me we'll have ANOTHER split path coming up.

"How about Jade though? She could still be out there somewhere, injured, alone, scared. And it’s your fault, isn’t it?" John turned his back on the body, so he's now unsure what happened to it. It's probably a red herring though, planted by Dirk.

... If it even IS Dirk. I mean, the narration could just as suredly still be coming from Andrew in-universe, and he'll go "tadaa! fooled you twice!" at some point...

"You decide that no matter how terrible you feel, you should look around first before you leave. You were the one who dragged her here. You owe her at least that much. Plus, there’s someone else on your mind, isn’t there?" ... I wonder if Dirk can only influence his thoughts in the Furthest Ring. Actually, I doubt it. Since, when you think about it... Jake fantasizing about Dirk is put into a different light entirely now. As were all the turns of phrases that were perhaps a little too sarcastic for the situation to warrant. I had a few times where I thought: the narration doesn't feel the same, but I put it up to the new format as well as the co-writers. Now, though...

"You proceed to wander for a long fucking time. Time passes differently here than it does for everyone else. Here, I’ll simulate it for you. I just left to go take a piss. Then I microwaved myself a hot pocket. Then I came back. In the time it took me to do that, you just spent hours drifting around the entire circumference of the black hole thinking sad-sack thoughts about the years of inaction that led you to this point, intermittently humming the Ghostbusters theme to yourself. You get so worked up about one of your GB freestyles that you almost miss it." Now Dirk's just showboating. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind hearing a couple of John's Ghostbusters freestyles.

"There. Eleven o’clock. Do you see it? It’s that tiny dot floating over there." Eleven, eh? So, what should I be betting on? Not Jade? Terezi perhaps? Or a random item from a dreambubble?

"You scramble to catch it before it drifts any closer to the event horizon. Got it. What the hell?" Huh, it's something very small? ... Not a firefly, is it? ... If so, in come the theories that it's actually Alternate Calliope.

"It feels familiar, but you want to make sure you’re not imagining it. A wallet. Your dad’s wallet. You chew your lip and press your fingers into the soft leather." What the-... Huh. Well, I was kind of hoping John would have a vision of his Dad, in his dream. This might lead up to something more! I'm reminded of Doomed John seeing a vision of his Dad in the dreambubbles.

So, the ACTUAL wallet ended up in Aradia's hands. John found it left for him on the battlefield, then CD? stole it, Liv Tyler took out the Tumor but gave it to him, CD? was killed by Bec Noir for killing Jade, and he stored the wallet into Lil' Cal. Then Lil' Cal crashed on Alternia with one of the doomed Aradiabots, leading to Aradia finding her frog temple and the Crosbytop. ... So, is there anything left of value in the wallet after all this time? A metric ton of shaving cream, a lighter with a spades symbol... Oh wait, but Spades Slick also got his hands on the Crosbytop, so did he steal the wallet back from Aradia? If so, then the wallet was last present in the B2 session... But if Aradia still had it on her, she took it with her into the Furthest Ring!

"Space is an infinitely large expanse and a wallet is a tiny, insignificant object. Sure, there have been crazier coincidences in the course of this wacky adventure you’ve been having for the past ten years, but this one feels very precisely aimed at your heart.

You take a deep breath, unfold the wallet, and open it." ... So it contains something captchalogued. Cause it sure won't be a Dad note, after all these years and having gone through all those hands, right? ... Right? Now I'm reminded of how Jake had part of his old home captchalogued.

Blaperile jokingly said: "I hope it isn't Aradia or Terezi captchalogued in there", but actually, if there's something to withstand the end of the Furthest Ring, it would be this wallet.

---

... Wow. At least Dirk's tenure as unreliable narrator is rooted in familiar grounds, Lil Hal genre influencing people. And I know I mustn't get my hopes up for ever getting more information about Dad, or seeing something from his youth... But here I am.

[is-i-halloween-yet]

The End of All Things: Chapter 09 (Antisepticeye X Reader)

Warnings: Violence, sadness, depression

((AN: We are almost at the end! And I have give credit to the fab @the-wild-ego for Gear? And I am so so sorry for not giving you credit sooner? AHHHHHH I AM THE JUST WORST I AM SORRY!!! But yeah check um out! Cause she is really cool writer, artist, and person :D))

(Gear POV)

Weeks had passed since Y/N Y/LN has disappeared and we had all taken to finding her. Even I, who I am pleased to admit I despised the girl. When we weren’t looking, Anti and Dark were fighting. Still, Anti hadn’t lost hope, but had been easier to become agitated as hours turned to days turned to weeks. Now, it has been a month and we all have lost faith, which really didn’t add to Anti’s mood, which only agitated everyone just as much, expect NateMare. When Anti was out, he was looking. Thick as thieves they were, now nothing.

Nothing.

She was gone, so it seemed. 

A year passed and her parents had lost hope, holding a funeral which Anti had decided to force us all to attend, introducing ourself as her friends should people ask.

But nothing. Nothing but clinging near Anti in attempts to help him contain himself. Until-

“We interrupt your program to bring you this breaking news. A mass murder spree against the homeless and civilians sparks a curfew and man hunt for this culprit.”

It wasn’t surprise to anyone but Anti, who was talking to the girls parents, clearly attempting to hold back his anger which meant that Dark was the one who had to turn off the TV as we approached him.

“You see our little Y/N was always in over her head… So this is actually no-”

“What a lovely service.” Dark cut the rambling father off as I touched Anti’s shoulder pulling him towards Mare who held him back as he twitched slightly, “Im certain Y/N would be pleased, though if you do not mind, we will be on our way.”

“Ẁ͜҉Ą̢I͏̴͡T̶̀!̡̢̛́͏”. Turning around, Anti stopped turning to the parents, who jumped at his outburst, Anti instantly calmed himself continuing, though his voice still glitched, “Ǹad̢i͏a.̕..͞ ̸Na͞di he̛r̀ ͡r͘o͠om̛m͘a͡t͠e.̢.͝. ̨W͝h̵e̡r̷e ̷i͞s sh͏e?”

The couple starred at him as though he was insane, Dark and Nate tried to move him though he stayed planted waiting for his response as the mother spoke, “Nadia? Nadia Michaelson?” She pressed and he nodded, approaching her leaving Nate and Dark in the dark and me in the door way, though I turned my hearing towards the group, “She was dead before she even could move into the room. Y/N stayed in a single apartment. Her parents helped pay-”

“GUYS!” I hollered, pulling them away as the women broke down, Anti staring blankly in shock, “We got to go.”

We’ve got a mystery to solve.

We split up, Dark taking the search to the internet and me to the streets while Natemare took the most difficult job: Comforting Anti, whose anger was almost blinding and consuming as he the room, the confusion he felt was equally as draining to the other entities as it was for Anti, his skin growing white and his eyes turning a rather unsettling shade of ivy green. Dark and I though had no time to deal with such fantasies and dallying as the harder we searched, the hungrier we felt and the more frustration filled us.

Three weeks. Three weeks of no sleeping, eating, or anything besides searching and researching the state for any sign, interviewing everyone we could.

Nothing.

And my patience was drying thin.

“Dark.” I sighed, looking, taking a sip from the dull cup of steamed water that was bought for me, my silver eyes hidden from the public as we were out in the daylight, “I understand your gain in this, I truly do, but I do not understand why we cannot wait for another one, perhaps when she has children you will find-”

“No.” The being across from me scoffed, clearly fighting the urge to crack his persona, “I lost her as a child I must not lose her again.” 

“If it is an entity, like we think it is, a new entity it will take all our resources to take it down.”

Dark nodded, looking from my features, “So be it”

“So be it.” I chuckled at this, shaking my head, ”all this for the girl you loved centuries ago.” 

“I lost her for you.” The man scoffed, straightening his tie, struggling to keep his voice down, “You were a child who I thought held value but all you have caused is destruction.” He bit his tongue, turning away from me but allowing his temper to spit a final, “Have you no compassion in you?”

“Have you?”

Dark opened his mouth to reply, but then stopped, hearing a call from the door, Nate walking in proud, “I found her. Or I found Anti whose found her. Hurry before Anti does something drastic.”

(Anti POV)

I had been stalking the being for ages, watching it use Y/N’s flesh like a parasite to kill and murder and consume the darkness. Their hands stained red, ironically, but suddenly I felt a rage I never knew I possessed as I watch the body of the girl I loved slice and kill for pleasure. Like me. It made me sick.

But the worst part was I knew that it knew I was watching and it was waiting for me to make the first move, going to the point of even forcing the body to eat it’s victims before having her snap up again and making her throw it up. Sometimes even forcing the victims to harm the body of hers before she’d slit their throats, still I held my tongue and clenched my fist as I waited for my team to be at my side.

Yet the darker it got the more she snapped in the middle of committing some vial act, calling me and tempting me to come out from hiding.

I finally caved when she raised the knife to her throat, Y/N clearly being forced to watched as she whimpered and struggled to fight against Nadia who held control of her arms though she snapped right back in control, but Y/N shot me a desperate look first, opening her mouth to speak when Nadia smirked over, “So you’ve joined us at last my love? Just in time for me to end your pathetic human lover.”

“Give her back.” I spoke harshly as I held my hands over my head, “Give her back and I won’t harm you. We’ll leave you alone.”

The being chuckled darkly and I looked away, disgusted at the laugh coming out of Y/N’s mouth, Nadia making quick strides in my direction, pointing the knife at me, “Look at me you spoiled glitch bitch.” Shoving me against the wall behind us she grabbed my face, forcing me to look to her and slashing the knife at my cheek when my eyes slipped away. “Let’s try this again.”

“What do you want?” I sternly looked at her, causing the girl to smirk and loosen her grip on me and sliced slowly at the stitching on my neck, taking a uncanny pleasure as the blood slowly dropped and stained my dress shirt.

Nadia smirked, “You are lucky Antisepticeye. You have your own body. Your own mind. It’s not.. Stuttering or clouded.”

“What. Do. You. W̵̬̥̮͓̳͍͗ͦ̒ͫ̑͊̽̕A̗͚̎͌̂͒͒̏͑̔͋́N̡̡̠̮̈́̑͑̚̕Ţ͖͓͍͇͔̎̊̿͊͑͛̀̚ ̜̬̳̺̭͈ͮ̓̏ͣͪ͞ͅ” I hollered, a shock being sent without my control at the being sending the being against the opposite wall who suddenly cried, clutching her head as red blood flowed and wide eyes, leaking innocence looking to me causing me too to fall to my knees and crawl as she reached out, “Y/N?”

She lept into my arms sobbing, shaking quivering, “Get her out! It hurts! It-“ she stopped suddenly, starting to screams as she pulled out of my arms moving away from me, “GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!”

Even as she flailed I couldn’t resist it crawling towards her. “You can fight it Y/N... You own this body you are stronger than it.” She still screamed but now cried, leaning into me as she wept into my chest until it stopped, silence filling the air until it was cut off as a knife was stabbed in and out of my stomach. “Y/N-“

She stared back at me with wide terrified eyes for a moment before something almost snapped taking over at her, her charging at me until I slammed harshly against the brick wall opposite of us. “You are weak and broken..” Nadia smirked tracing the knife down, not cutting the skin but stoping at my heart, leaning into my ear, “Corrupted.” She whispered, pushing it into my chest with great force, enough to stun me and shove me to the ground.

However I did not know if it was because of the force she has used or the fact that whatever was inhabiting Y/N, though wasn’t her, harmed him.

“Y/N...” I grumbled, watching the black blood flow as the entity skipped happily towards me, my vision and hearing fading. “What did you-“

“Shhhh...” She chuckled darkly her fingers going to my lips as the other hand touched my wound, taking some of the blood and licking it off her finger almost mockingly. “She’s weeping for you. She doesn’t understand. She doesn’t remember... But what she doesn’t know.” The being chuckled, kneeling towards me, “Is that she’s still gonna have you... Just from the backseat.”

The rest moved in a blur, Nate’s singing becoming barely audible which cause the being to collapse onto me, Gear kneeling beside me and injecting something into Nadia’s neck, the two splitting whilst the boys grabbed Nadia by the neck, Y/N looking at me weakly.

“Alright leech. You cannot have this host but this is a substantial host so either-“ I heard their voices but said nothing as Y/N looked at me wide eyes full of panic.

“You... You’re hurt...”

I chuckled, using my energy to sit up, kissing her forehead, “I’m okay. Don’t worry...”

She winced at this but still nodded, leaning further against me, both of watching everything go down in silence until she turned to me opening her mouth to speak, “I-“

It all stopped, her mouth opening slightly as blood dropped from it and I looked up to see the other entity smirking, flashing me a wink as the three boys tackled her against the wall opposite us, Dark fiddling around in his bag before inserting a needle into her arm the beings laughter being the last thing we heard as they faded into smoke.

You are selfish Antisepticeye... The beings true voice mocked as it’s remains slowly were moved If I can’t have her, no one can.

Again it all blurred as Mare went to me, saying something I could not make out, Dark and Gear pulling Y/N from me, removing a small purple blade from her back. Everything came into motion as Mare pulled the knife out of me, letting out a scream before changing to Y/N, Mare examining the blade.

“Don’t touch the blade!” Gear scolded, “Its poison. And not one that we can heal.”

I shook my head, shaking slightly as the girl shook, more blood falling from her mouth though she struggled to speak, “No... No you’re lying.”

“M-“ Y/N mumbled out, Dark placing his hand on her forehead as she coughed violently, Gear already standing as he moved behind his mentor who looked at me sorrowfully. “Anti there’s nothing that can be done.”

Biting my trembling body I pushed Dark back as Y/N grabbed my hand looking as though she wanted to speak. Chuckling again I swallowed tears kissing her forehead as she gasped for breath, “J-J-Just go to sleep P-P-Princess. It-It’ll all Be-“

“Mark...” She stopped her cut off, her own cough taking the action from her, her voice growing horser by the the line though she grabbed my hand and placed it over her wrist, her words slurred, “M-Mark Me.” I looked at he confused but she only nodded, looking in my eyes for a moment before murmuring a small, “please” before closing her eyes tightly as though bracing herself for pain.

I looked from Nate who now stood behind me, Gear who was examine the knife and Dark’s eyes fluttering from Y/N to me, flashing me a nod before standing and making a call. I looked back to Y/N who shook against me, mummering small p’s as a clear attempt to speak please again though she only got as far as to cough blood from her mouth, though I hushed her as I began the process, once more, now for the third time placing the mark on her. 

It burned. It was like my body was set on fire and I know Y/N felt the same though, if not worse but as she opened her mouth to let out a scream I pressed my lips to hers, her free hand weakly falling to my heart. 

That burned worse than the remarking. 

She was trying to find something stable, something to use to steady herself so she could find it in her to kiss me back. 

It felt like hours, hours of excruciating pain mixed with pleasure and tears, mostly from my part as the girl bellow me clutched my chest slightly, her mind numb of any thought as sparks flew from my hand to her skin, over and over again. Circles. Part of me hoped it never would end, hoping that this pain would bring back the light in her eyes as I switched, my free hand going to her heart and my lips filling her lungs with oxygen. 

Even if I can’t heal her I can start her heart again right?

Right? 

I can do the breathing for her... I can

But then it stopped. 

Everything stopped and the girls eyes fluttered open and I pulled away, as she looked at me, a tender hand wiping away the tears that burned my skin, her eyes closing again as she smiled at me.

Thank you Anti. I am sorry...

And then she collapsed, another burning sensation, this one much worse, drowning out my senses, mostly my hearing fading into static as I screamed, more burning spreading from the tears I cried. I lit my hand with sparks and moved towards her, struggling as someone held me back, moving to shock them when I heard a small humming that caused my body to go numb to the ground and my eyes to close, using my last bit of energy before blackness to grab Y/N’s hand and place it on my heart. The last thing I saw being the withered red rose on wrist.

[yuki-setsu]

12 Days of (Lance) Whumpmas! - Day 8 [Mental Health Day]

i am.... late..... i’ve been away from my computer wayyy more than usual these past few days which is ahhHHHH but i still wanna get all 12 days done;;;; will slowly but surely finish them before the new year :’)

this one’s a sequel to my Day 5 Prompt (Burns), so you can read that here to avoid confusion ^^;; i had trouble thinking of a story for this prompt so i just brought back David because i was drawing a blank LOL i’m sorry

part of the 12 Days of VLD Whumpmas hosted by @vldwhumpmas2017! check out more info on the challenge here if you want to participate!

In all honesty, Lance had forgotten about David after he'd been transferred off to another campus. The whole thing had freaked him out, yeah, but the knowledge that the guy was no longer in the vicinity was comforting enough for him to go back to his daily life. More importantly, Hunk's Christmas party was coming up, and he still had presents he needed to buy for the group. But one thing led to another, and Lance found himself jogging home—careful not to slip on any ice—with an armful of shopping bags because he was running late. He was hitching a ride in Shiro and Keith's car to get to Hunk's, and they'd be coming up to get him in a few minutes. Which was good, since he had too many things to carry down on his own.

It didn't take long to get back to the apartment, and he pressed at the elevator button, busy trying to adjust his grip on the bags in his other hand. The doors opened with a ding after a few seconds, and he startled when someone pressed a hand against his back, firmly pushing him inside.

Lance stumbled forward before he whipped around, irritated. “Hey, what's your prob—”

The sight had Lance's blood run cold. David was there—actually there—in front of him, staring straight at him as the elevator doors slid shut. Why the hell was he here? His mind blanked out for a moment, alight with panic at the settling realization.

David looked... the same, if not a bit more rugged. Like he hadn't been taking much care of his appearance since Lance last saw him. How long had it been? A few weeks, maybe? Any trace of the usual lighthearted nature that Lance first saw in the guy back at the school pool was gone, replaced with a silent and cold demeanor that sent chills up his spine.

“Why did you report me?” David asked, his voice monotonous.

Lance blinked at the question, swallowing down his panic before straightening up slowly. “Dude... You –you threw boiling water at me.”

David tilted his head, as if the answer didn't quite make sense. “Because you wouldn't listen.” He glanced to the side before he pressed the button for the 3rd floor, finally prompting the elevator to move. Lance's floor. “We should talk. You'll understand after I explain.”

Lance swallowed, unnerved at how expressionless David was acting. He didn't want to set him off again, especially in such a cramped area. “You can't just... show up here out of the blue. Maybe we can talk somewhere outside...”

“You're already heading home. We can talk there.”

The elevator shuddered to a stop, the doors sliding open as David made room for Lance to step out first. Could he make a run for it? That might be a bit risky, though. He'd try to call Shiro again, maybe have him come up faster. He stepped out, careful as he slid the hand not holding the bags into his jacket pocket.

But just as his fingers grazed at the edge of his phone, another hand grabbed at his wrist and tugged it away. Lance gasped, wincing at David's iron grip.

“Don't call anyone.” David hissed, the first trace of emotion sparking across his face. “This is between us two.”

Lance dug his heels in, trying to tug his arm free. “Dude, you're freaking me out. Let go.”

Lance may be lanky, but he wasn't weak. He swam, and he could pull his weight when he needed to. Especially against David, who was smaller in stature. Last time had been an exception, given that he'd had his entire back burned. David could try and drag him down the hallway to his door this time, but Lance would be damned if he let himself be trapped at home with this guy again.

David must have realized they weren't moving past the front of the elevators as well because a flicker of irritation twitched in his eyes. “Lance, come on. I'm just trying to help. Listen to me.”

“You can help by letting go.”

For a moment, David ceased in his constant tugging and Lance thought he actually might win this one. That is, until David reached into his own pocket with his hand and fished out a pocket knife. Lance stiffened, his breath catching in his throat. Shit.

“Just come with me.” David growled, his expression dark. “You're not understanding. I don't want to hurt you.”

Did he just... threaten to injure him if he didn't comply? Lance felt his mind stutter when David tugged at his wrist again. Wait, no. He was definitely not being alone with David if he had a knife. He tensed, bracing his legs for a sprint as he used all his strength to tug his arm free. It worked, but he hadn't accounted for the momentum to pull David in his direction as well, sending them both crashing to the ground. The bags in his hand went flying, and Lance heard the Christmas ornaments he bought shatter in their casing as they fell.

The air was knocked out of Lance's lungs, and he barely got himself together when David pressed a knee against Lance's chest, hands digging in his jacket collar. Lance didn't need to wonder where the knife went once he felt cold metal pressing under his chin. Ice cold dread filled his body, strong enough to leave him frozen with fear. At this rate, he seriously thought he might get killed.

“Why won't you listen?!” David spat. “I just want to talk, and you won't listen!”

“David,” Lance fought to keep still, not wanting to move the knife any closer. He was almost too scared to breathe. “Put the knife down first, and then we'll—”

The elevator behind him dinged again, and both David and Lance froze at the noise. Out of the corner of his eyes, he caught Shiro and Keith step out, remnants of laughter on their faces from the conversation they were having. It didn't take long for them to notice the scene in front of them, alarm reaching Keith's eyes before they did Shiro's.

Lance was about to call out a warning when he saw Keith dash forward, practically tackling David off Lance and onto the ground. He sucked in a huge breath once he felt David's weight leave, rolling onto his side as he choked out another breath, one hand reaching up towards his neck. He didn't feel any pain, or warm blood. He was alive. He was fine. Right?

No, David was still here. He still had a knife, and Keith was—

Lance's eyes widened, and he tried to push himself upright. Keith could get hurt, get stabbed, or worse—

Where was Shiro? He needed to—

Someone—Lance couldn't see who, his vision was spinning—grabbed at his shoulders, and Lance startled back, his breaths jerking in his chest. Why was it so hard to breathe?

“Lance. Lance! Can you hear me?” It was Shiro's voice, Lance realized. The blood pounding in his ears made it hard to hear. He tried to clear his vision, finally making out Shiro in front of him, holding him up by the shoulders. He looked all distorted and distant, which only freaked Lance out more. Where was David?

“Shiro, where—David, where is he...”

Shiro shook his head. “Keith has it under control. He's calling the cops right now. You're safe. Don't worry.”

“There's a—a knife—”

“I know, I see it. It's on the ground, David can't reach it.” Shiro rubbed a hand up and down the length of Lance's arm gently. “I need you to take some deep breaths, can you do that?”

Lance tried, he really did. But he felt sick, like his heart was about to pound out of his chest. He shuddered, nausea crawling up his stomach. “I can't—I can't, Shiro.”

“You can. I'll help you.” Shiro's voice was so calm, and Lance clutched onto it like a lifeline. “I'm gonna count each inhale and exhale, so follow me. Okay?”

Lance nodded, shaky. Shiro counted, slow and steady, and they breathed for a few minutes until Lance finally felt his chest start to loosen. The pounding in his ears started to quiet, and his vision normalized back into familiar shapes and figures. Lance blew out another breath before he let his head fall limp against Shiro's shoulder, his energy drained. It took him a moment to realize that Shiro had been rubbing large circles on his back, which felt nice.

“Feeling better?” Shiro asked, his other hand squeezing Lance's shoulder gently.

“Yeah.” Lance mumbled. But then he remembered the past events, and he jerked his head back up, eyes landing on the other pair a few feet away. Keith had gotten David onto his stomach, twisting both of his hands behind his back. David looked beyond irritated, and he tried to shift under Keith's hold when he caught Lance's eye.

Keith growled, digging his knee further into David's back. “Move again and I break an arm.”

Lance didn't doubt that he actually would. David must have felt the same, because he immediately stilled, although his gaze never left Lance's. “This is all a mistake,” David said. “I just—”

“Don't talk to him, either.” Keith shot back.

“It's fine, Keith. Thanks.” Lance said, grinning weakly at Keith's worried look. He glanced back towards David, stomach churning. “But David, don't come near me again. I'll seriously get a restraining order if I have to.”

David's eyes widened. “What? But why—”

“Look, I know you think you're trying to help, but you're not. So just... please.”

David didn't respond, staring blankly as they heard the police finally storm their way onto the floor. They asked a few questions before they escorted David off, although Lance expected that the school would contact him soon about the incident. Lance called Hunk afterwards, having already braced himself for the panicked yelling that would come once he broke the news. Pidge was already over at Hunk's, but both of them were ready to run to Lance's apartment at that rate. Lance was quick to insist they wait there instead. They were on their way now anyways, so they could talk before the party. After a few long minutes of assuring them that everything was fine, Lance hung up with a sigh.

Shiro and Keith waited until he got off the phone before they bombarded him with their own worries. “You're really not injured?” Keith asked, insistent.

Lance waved a hand, dismissive. “The only thing broken are the Christmas ornaments I dropped.” He bent over his fallen bags, carefully peeking inside of one with a frown. “Man, those were expensive.”

“Lance...” Shiro pressed.

Not like he could get anything past them. Lance sighed, gathering the bags up and getting to his feet. “Okay, yeah, that scared the hell out of me. But you guys also came with creepily good timing, so thanks. It's all good now.”

“It is not,” Keith grumbled. “If he comes back again...”

“I'd appreciate if you didn't jinx it, dude.” Lance gestured them forward, pushing the Down button on the elevator. “I'll talk to the police or school or whoever about it tomorrow. Maybe they'll ban him from this campus or something.”

“We'll go with.” Shiro said, leaving no room for argument. He reached down and grabbed half of the bags from Lance's hand right as Keith took the rest. Lance rolled his eyes, but he let them, a grin on his face.

When they reached Hunk's house, he and Pidge were both livid at what happened. Hunk probably examined him for injury more than twenty times, griping about David at the same time. Pidge muttered about making Lance a taser so that he could protect himself from creeps in the future, which Lance quickly vetoed. He appreciated the sentiment though.

The others insisted on taking turns to accompany him on even the smallest trips outside for a while, something that took Lance a bit of time to get used to. Seriously, any attempts he made to say that kind of method was a bit over-the-top were shot down in an instant. It turned out David got charged for brandishing a weapon, and would be spending a few months in jail. It was slight relief to hear, and Lance hoped this time, it would be enough of a warning.