#I AM HERE. BRING ME MY BOY
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HE'S HEEERE
My boy! My beautiful boy!
Now to assemble him like a newborn
#two talks#i was stalking the delivery tracker and actually went outside to wait when it got near me#greeted him at the door#ok look the delivery guys like to pretend i don't have a doorbell and i couldn't risk it NOT TODAY#I AM HERE. BRING ME MY BOY#transformers one#d-16
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rye in the sheltered glade with evka and antoine after destroying the blight eruption with unholy amounts of alchemical fire, looking Directly at lucanis studying a flower as it emerges undaunted from the thousand year horrors of the blight with all the guileless wonder and fascination of a little boy: yeah that's uh. wow. that is beautiful actually. this kind of does change everything doesn't it
#first and foremost and always. a simp. antoine and rye handshake meme: when bae 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#rook x lucanis#rookanis#also I am getting several of davrin and lucanis' dumbest little banters right after that. so the feeling#that the mood is just. sort of buoyant and giddy afterwards and the best boys squad are having a good silly day. *whisper* perfect#I've brought them out together so much over the course of the game I can't believe I haven't had lucanis in his absolute troll era yet#one starts to *kind* of see where illario might have been coming from a little bit dhfksjfha (that's a lie lucanis get behind me#it's your maker-given right to be an annoying little shit sometimes)#that camera zoom in on lucanis though? a death blow aimed specifically at me and my person#davrin in the background gazing up at the tree that's grown strong roots and stands tall and proud even in difficult ground. also v good#good party to bring to this (honestly ALL of the characters slot in here and feel very meaningful it's uh. almost like#they're doing something thematically that threads through the whole game and all of the characters. imagine!)
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Anyone else ever thinking about the constant nightmares Dick was having at the beginning of his solo in the nineties(in which he was Robin again and trying to catch a little boy who’s face he could never make out and was always too late) that culminated in the fear gas induced hallucination issue wherein there’s another faceless young boy who eventually introduces himself as Jason
And the dreams were subsequently never brought up again
The closest we got was the hallucination he had in his secret files where he spent the whole time talking to Robin
Because I am. I am thinking about it a lot
#dc#dick grayson#jason todd#the amount that dick blames himself for jason's death while refusing to blame himself for it is astounding.#i think about it so often#because like. he is NOT like 'woe is me if i had only been there this never would've happened' he's not sitting here like#i killed jason. this is my fault.#in fact it's far from it. outwardly everything i've read from the nineties he refuses to think about or talk about jason at ALL#we get these weird isolated moments where the ghost of jason's presence is obviously HERE but even then dick isn't acknowledging it#'there's a boy falling. i never see his face. he's calling out. i never hear what he says.'#'this kid who brings the newspaper is just a kid. i don't know him.'#'i am talking to robin. just robin.'#everywhere you turn dick is surrounded by the idea of jason. he's haunted by him.#but he refuses to see it. he won't let it in#jason is gone and dick can't bring himself to think about it. won't let himself grieve.#lets the guilt he feels about not being around for jason and not knowing about what was going on and not being on the planet#and not letting himself think about the situation or jason at all. lets all of that guilt eat him slowly. lets it fester in his mind#because he can't acknowledge it. but everything he does is because of it
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I saw Wicked the movie (I had already seen the musical!) and now I got wizard of oz on the brain so here’s my pitch for a rise of the brave tangled dragons au
Are y’all seeing the vision??
#rotbtd#rise of the brave tangled dragons#wizard of oz au#wizard of oz rise of the brave tangled dragons au#wizard of oz rotbtd au#some of this is wizard of oz based while some is wicked based#like Jack as the scarecrow is because he and fiyero in wicked are both pretending to be self absorbed#pretend that fiyero was never with elpheba tho cus I don’t ship them#also Boq from wicked is not relevant here never happened here Astrid’s tin woodsman backstory is more akin to the og#Merida as Glinda is a strange choice I know but hear me out#so like instead of spoiled and getting everything she wants we know Merida works so hard for what she wants#so in this version she gets what she wants because she works so hard for it so she’s always getting what she wants because of all her work#thus when she gets paired with elpheba (Rapunzel) when she spent so long and hard on that essay and wanted her own room she’s so angry#so she’s not stuck up jsut frustrated that her work never pays off#she’s probably still popular jsut cus she’s impressive with all this hard work and the outcomes it brings#cough cough arrow in arrow in bullseye#Rapunzel as elpheba is less sassy and defensive and more#hmph! well if you’re gonna have an attitude so am I!#so like she’s playing tricks and goofing around and such so it’s all more lighthearted#once again Glinda and fiyero aren’t a thing here#Varian as Dorothy Made so much sense to me he is a little farm boy yall#Hugo is ozma cus obviously he has to be dating varian in every universe#gonna be drawing this in my sketchbook soon be prepared#also obviously Ozma is an iconic trans character so worry not Hugo is trans too#I haven’t decided if this au will just then be like var and Hugo are Dorothy and ozma but gender bent you know cus in cannon var and Hugo#are guys (and I headcannon them as trans guys so Hugo is trams like ozma just opposite direction)#or if I’ll gender bent Varian and Hugo for this lol#if I were to gender bend Varian and Hugo then they would be trans girls#cus when gender bending a trans character you’ve gotta keep them trans lol
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Everybody (Backstreet's Back) - Mischief Movie Night is Back!
youtube
Mischief Movie Night is currently playing at the Other Palace Theatre until 1 September 2024!
#me when mischief announced that mmn was returning: it's mmn not mmni so I am not gonna make an edit#my brain at 6am: you need to make this edit or I won't let you sleep#so here we are I guess lol#I really wish they will bring back mmni but I don't think they will :(#anyway with this edit I tried to use scenes that I don't often use#I've notice that when I make mmni edits I tend to use the same clips lol#also incudes some mmn clips!#I am proud of the fire clips#I actually forgot a lot of the shows#I guess it is a good time for a rewatch#also first mischief edit in forever!#mlj really brought back my love for editing haha#mischief theatre#mischief comedy#mischief movie night in#mischief movie night#mmni video#mischief video#videos in the palace#edits in the palace#Youtube#backstreet boys#backstreet's back alright
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curt has a crush on arthur 🎤🎤
This got away from me so badly, and it now is its own ficlet! It does get heavy during the latter part, however, so tw for alcoholism, PTSD, character death, and people being shitty to each other in the throes of those.
"Y'know Curt's got a thing for you?" Bucky grins at him one night, closer to five sheets to the wind than three, leaning into Arthur's space outside of the O Club.
There had been a few of them who wandered out initially, chasing fresh air to clear their soaked heads, but then the band had started up again and they had followed the music inside in search of dance partners. Arthur had expected Bucky to be first amongst them to go, but he had stayed when Arthur lingered under the night sky, and now he understands why.
"Not sure you're meant to say shit like that, Major," Arthur laughs, mostly out of shock at the way Bucky seems perfectly at ease with the idea. "Gonna get somebody a blue ticket home."
"Naw," Bucky scoffs, still smiling, though it's starting to look more like a leer. "Ain't runnin' to tell nobody. Just figured I'd try my hand at bein' a wingman."
He laughs at his own joke, swaying away and hiccuping drunkenly.
There's no need, Arthur wants to tell him; him and Curt have been slipping into dark corners together for a bit of stress relief for nearly two weeks now. He wonders if he pieced together Curt 'having a thing for him' from the newly charged air between them, or if Curt really had said something to him. Wonders what either of those could mean.
"You're a good friend," he tells Bucky instead, and means it. "You're also drunk as a skunk. C'mon, we should head back inside before you sober up enough to remember this in the mornin'."
Bucky makes a dismissive noise, but turns towards the door with him anyway.
"You're not gonna give me anything to take back to him? What kind of a wingman are you makin' me, Foster?" He complains.
"Well, considerin' I didn't try to punch yours or his lights out when you said somethin', a real lucky one, sir."
Several Years Later
"Y'know Curt's got a thing for you?" Bucky slurs, and Arthur feels his heart drop to his knees.
It's hot in the VA hall they've piled into for the reunion, and Bucky's been on fine form all night, to the point that some of the boys who didn't know him as Air Exec or CO or POW had been looking at him funny, and Arthur had to volunteer to take him outside for a moment. Let him cool his head in the relative privacy of the side alley. Catch his breath. Shiver off some of the burn of whiskey in his stomach.
And Arthur has been doing so well recently, but now he wants that same burn something fierce. He should go back inside, send Viv or Buck to take care of Bucky. Find Ev and get out of here before he follows Egan the way he always does eventually, and throws away three months of stone cold sobriety over the invocation of a ghost that he's never without anyway.
He doesn't go back inside. He stays next to where Bucky has his head tilted back to the sky, his eyes closed. Ignoring the tremble of his fingers, Arthur takes out a cigarette and lights it.
"Yeah, Bucky," he sighs around the filter. He doesn't have the energy to play along, or the heart to stop him.
"What, no joke about a blue ticket?" Bucky asks.
Irritation abruptly curdles in Arthur's stomach. He can't tell if Bucky's really back in Thorpe Abbotts in his mind, or if he's just trying to get a rise out of him. It reminds him, bitterly, of the Stalag. Bucky growling at him at him like a cornered animal, digging his fingers into Arthur's bruises; Arthur letting him, because at least it made him useful.
"I'm a civilian, now," he reminds Bucky. "Me 'n' Ev get caught it's jail, remember?"
The other man has the decency to look uncomfortable at the reminder, kissing his teeth unhappily. His closed eyes remain turned up to the pollution-hidden stars.
"Yeah. Forgot that." A heavy pause, and Arthur feels himself tense. Bucky's winding up for something, drawing his arm back to throw a curve ball. Definitely looking for a fight of some kind, and Arthur hasn't taken any of the bait so far, but he's come pretty close. "You 'n' Ev moved pretty fuckin' quickly. After Africa."
"Don't," Arthur snaps.
"I mean, I've heard the stories, you practically jumped him right there in the desert, right? Fucked him all the way up until you got yourself shot down. Wrote him fuckin' love letters from a Nazi prison camp, for fuck's sake." Bucky's eyes open. There's something dangerous in their piercing blue. "I bet Curt's body wasn't even cold when you jumped on his dick."
Arthur had never snapped at him in the Stalag, had taken his licks from Bucky like a good little soldier and kept on trotting after him. It had been worth it then just to feel the ache. Even more worth it for the times when Bucky wasn't at his lowest ebb and he would try to silently make it up to him.
Now, though? Arthur doesn't have that kind of patience left in him. Not even for Bucky, not when it's about Ev, about Curt, and not really about either of them at all, but about Bucky needing something he thinks he can only get by finding a sore spot and poking.
He has to know it's coming, but Bucky doesn't dodge when Arthur throws the punch. It's a good hit, or a bad one, something crunching under Arthur's fist in a way that instantly overrides the fury that had risen in him at Bucky's provocation. Bucky goes staggering, hands up at his face, and Arthur stares in horror at the aftermath of what he's done.
"Jesus, shit, Bucky, 'm sorry, 'm so sorry, are you alright?" He jabbers, frozen to the spot.
Just out of reach, Bucky sways. He's making grunts and groans as he seems to fight to stay upright. When one of his hands moves, red spills from between his fingers like wine, trickles down the backs of his hands, and drips onto his dress uniform. It's all over his tie. It'll stain, badly, and Arthur can't stop staring at it, even as Bucky straightens out and makes a throaty 'whoop' noise.
"Always knew you had a helluva swing on you, Foster," he laughs thickly.
His own blood is all over his lips, and he's still laughing, and there's too much happening at once, too many pasts layered together in Arthur's head. The smell of burning skin draws him from them, then the pain in his fist. Not just his knuckles; he had curled his hand tight around his still lit cigarette to throw the punch, and the end was now searing into his palm.
Finally, he drops it. If he lets it burn him a moment more than he needs to, that's between him and God and his ghosts.
#the initial urge i had to make this frat boy au you have no idea the resistance it required#anyway arthur and curt hurt my heart a bit just because. because. well.#ab tag#nathan writes#mota#ask game#one day will write a Curt Lives fic about them. this is a threat poet.#theres a missing third scene here in the stalag but i could not bring myself to write it#one day i'll write something that isnt tinged with inescapable sadness but i fear today is not that day huh.#i'm not sure how happy i am with this but i had to exorcise it out of me#did NOT want it rotting in my drafts for months
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The creator of Hazbin Hotel (who I know nothing about and *strongly prefer it that way*) simultaneously
A) Making a pitch perfect Tumblr Sexyman, then announcing they're aro ace, and
B) Announcing that Lucifer was the one who gave birth to the child, not Lilith
Will forever be the funniest shit I have ever seen. I'm convinced this is top tier trolling, and I love it.
#I'm saying this as an ace person#I will never ever stop laughing that they made the tumblr's Dream Boy and then announced they're essentially untouchable.#Fucking BLESS. this is the representation I actually want.#And the subreddit's reaction to the lucifer announcement...#Chef's kiss#Well played.#I believe it#I LOVE IT#And it's funny as fuck#That's right my guy you canonize angels having undefined biology#(I am again reiterating that I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CREATOR AND AM UNINTERESTED.)#(DON'T BRING TWITTER HORSESHIT TO ME I DON'T CARE.)#Ooh here's a bold move... I'm gonna actually tag this.#Hazbin Hotel#Hazbin Hotel Lucifer#Alastor#Hazbin Hotel Alastor#Comment if you like girlies I am absolutely not listening.
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Dysprosium, Mary Soon Lee
dysprosium, AN 66, is a silvery-white rare earth metal. its name is derived from the greek dysprositos, meaning “hard to get at”, owing to the difficulty in separating and isolating this rare earth element. dysprosium is used to measure neutron flux, to fuel reactors, and to activate phosphors. terfenol-d is a magnetorestrictive alloy, meaning that it changes shape when a magnetic field is applied, and is used to manufacture underwater acoustic systems.
jason “robo” robertson, dallas stars #21 for @simmyfrobby’s nhl periodic table poems <3
#i had a couple different ideas for poems that were taken by the time i could go deranged for a couple hours to make this but as I looked#i was like WAIT NONE OF YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE JASON ROBERTSON YOU HAVEN’T SEEN MY TEXAS CAM and had to do it. also was STRUCK with the#sudden immaculate vision of the Dallas D as part of terfenol-D and could not get it out & robo is the most dance! person i know on the team#liv in the replies#dallas stars#jason robertson#nhl periodic table poems#guys i am plagued with visions and no execution skills!! every day i come here and learn one new skill on GIMP the way god intended!!!#today it was emboss. also cannot claim any credit for the pulse to the magnetic beat photo which is so cool that was one where i had a#couple and was like maybe i can do like crayon shockwaves like the art process video kasper showed? and then found that picture and was#like thank you lord stanley for knowing my limitations. thank you for your understanding in this moment it was a trial enough to make#expand contract dance and one would THINK i would have fucking learned from the claude animorphs tragedy!! i did not. but i did use the#shear tool and 3D rotate so at least if we’re animorphing it’s SLIGHTLY better. anyway me frantically doing this like WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT#WAIT FOR ME YOU GUYS ARE SO FAST i keep seeing all of these and just spinning around in circles until i get dizzy & fall down I’m so happy#the drive folder for this is just called joy!!!!! because joy this is such a cool idea but now because it brings me so much joy#i just saw the Travis dermott one and burst into tears super normal AND someone did exactly what i wanted with hydrogen which was the water#the ice!!!!! it’s so perfect!!! and cody ofc did silver lord stanley. like does it ever make you cry how beautiful & creative everyone is?#anyway if you see me post and delete this and then update it or change it no you didn’t it’s fine. but i wanted to be included#if i could make the dysprosium letters not have a white background i would I simply could not fuck with it at 1AM. we are hitting send#it may not look like it but i queue#pretend i spoke at length about the reasons why i picked all the pictures & the element just know that it’s there inside my brain u can ask#GUYS I TAKE IT ALL BACK I SAW NEONFRETRA’S ISOTOPES AND I COULD MAKE THE EDITS EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE THERE!! ISOTOPES!!!! YOU GUYS!!!!!!#get ready for the edits then. dylan magnesium my beloved child of stars who can never return… like i wish i could say anyone else but it’s#i KNOW number nineteens bismuth don’t make me Google how many years nolan played hockey but also there’s ej for stable so.. also half-life#actinium claude giroux my beloved… when i saw there already was a claude i thought maybe Brady too for that#I don’t know how but flerovium doubled magic is percolating in my brain as was promethium bad boy because I was like hmmm. tyler. but#couldn’t commit and THEN SOMEONE DID BAD BAD LEROY BROWN TYLER BERTUZZI TO PROMETHIUM AND BESTIE I AM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH!!! with cons#anyway shane wright germanium with juraj slafkovský but showing him very obviously not missing it. if jack eichel was not an asshole#the narratives WOULD be narrativing. you could argue for a sidovi here with the calder cup and potentially a best friend stealing narrative#(the most recent is cam yorke’s acquisition of jamie d from trevor zegras which would then require a yorkie one for silicon the other side)
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And that marks the end of the jmeal birthday reblobs! (Aka: me digging through all that I've reblogged / posted on this blog so far and reblogging my faves for Jamil's birthday.)
I have to say, I really liked going through these posts and bringing them back to people's dashes. Like, it made me happy seeing these posts get notes, since it meant that new people got to see all that art and fic and everything else made by these talented folks in the fandom, past and present.
Hopefully you all got to find new interesting creators or works, or perhaps were reminded of some old favorites.
#ner talks#like not to overstate my importance here or anything since I'm just one blog and not a particularly big one#but it was just really nice getting to share all these things around#and perhaps bring some of them back so to speak#I don't know it's not like it was that different from regular reblogging but it's kinda made me sappy#sharing all the love for jamil yes but also for everyone who's made lovely fanworks for him and whose work I've gotten to see#(also considering how tired I am rn I hope I'm still making sense oof)#also oh boy with all the jamil posts that have been made since I started running the reblobs my queue sure is far from empty still
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“Amore et Timore” - King Fernando I “El Animoso”
#*why is it that when I write tags that are genuinely imporant and wordy it always doesnt save UGH#well. ill try and rewrite them.#hahaha I bring you curly haired king Fernando!!(mostly for cofi)#2011 monza gp core Fernando that gripped us all by the throat right?? right????#also i hope that his hair doesn't appear red to you like it did to me on my pc??? its brown I assure you#anyways! historical context for nerds like me:#'el animoso'(the spirited) comes from Philip V of course#it was apparently bestowed on him bcs of his perseverance and unwavering fervor in battle#and is that not the most Fernando coded thing youve ever heard?????#'Amore et Timore'(through love and fear) however comes from Joseph I#whom seb is partially based on but i thought his Latin motto fit Nando way better so here we are#philip v didn't have a motto as far as i could tell so that's why I stole Joseph's#but i do think the motto for the Spanish kingdom fits Fernando's career pretty well?#'A solis ortu usque ad occasum'(from sunrise to sunset) and i think that suits Fernando's 'longest f1 career ever' p well#anyways I sent a sketch of this to cofi the other day like yeah I probably wont finish this#and now here i am on 5 am on a tuesday grinning manically sleep deprived like HERE YOU GO#i think he looks very cute in this!!! i really did a lot of work on his eyelashes...very important detail to me#he kinda accidentally looks like Louis XIV unfortunately#but thats down to his hair I think. it looks a lot more like the traditional wig style from then compared to what I typically draw#but god imagine being seb in this au!!! you get to wake up next to this majestic beast....#seb would have this painting framed over his bed or something. i mean who wouldn't????#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#f1 fanart#formula 1 fanart#catie.art.#boy king au
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i know we all already did trying to cut down ttpd to a listenable playlist but . alternate universe where ttpd was called prophecy
#additional benefit that this is somehow exactly 55 minutes and 5 seconds . track 5 ass album .#realistically the prophecy Would be track 5 on this but i am attached to it being the end track#bonus tracks would be guilty as sin and the manuscript btw#florida in this universe is a one-off single she puts out with florence with no warning or explanation it also comes with#three awful unlistenable remixes on the same release#also in this universe so long london + loml included in the original midnights .#dkfaljdfjl thinking abt a world where she dropped those two with youre losing me as like a b-sides midnights EP event#this ends with swifties swarming joe alwyn's door with flamethrowers#anyway closets like cedar implications of peter track 5 means i like it actually#also in a universe that cuts tortured poets the song this creates a world where the only namedrops on the album are fake names#(aimee. peter. the mythical chloe et al). and also semi mythical celebrities. and also taylor swift#ts#anyway this track listing is about trying to break the cycle of doom and u end still unsure if u can. time loop album#so high school a bright spot but more begging against the dark.#and so high school about going back in time to redo it . only you cant. can it be high school again. can we redo the prophecy.#midnights original run ends with no one wanted to play with me as a little kid . and then we are here.#also like there are weaker songs in this run but critically i think thank you aimee is Fun to listen to and she always has to have at least#One song that is embarrassing . also the k*rlie implications of your kid comes home singing a song only we know is about us#also i think it's like. this rare hopeful moment in the whole album track#but also it's hope built on pain . and also the liner notes style brings in early discog#+ subject matter brings in like rep and folkmore. and anyway high school metaphor critical for timeloop#lead singles in this universe are down bad. my boy . fortnight. so high school
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Oh my god HOW DID YOU LIKE SVSSS!!!!!
i liked it more than i thought i would but overall less than i might have given the potential of the story, i think in general i really enjoyed the characters (mxtx never goes wrong with characters, she creates them in a way that makes me feel unhinged) and the world building but the pay off to the set up—which i really liked!—felt a bit........ i mean, just alright.
the dynamics too are pure mxtx, personally the bin/gqiu dynamic specifically really was the least interesting part of the whole story. to me!! but individually i loved both characters. my interest was just elsewhere because """elsewhere""" felt way more fascinating idk how to explain it
was very, very happy about the extra with airplane and the yue qingyuan / shen jiu one because that's exactly what i wanted more of in the story itself as well as just more shen yuan/qingqiu interacting with cang qiong mountain
maybe it's my orv brain but like i told jana a while back i think i would have enjoyed svsss way more if it was more about shen yuan (loner; hater; etc) suddenly finding himself among all of these people (disciples looking up to him; sect siblings relying on him one way or another; common folk admiring him; etc etc) and starting to.... live? again?
Shen Qingqiu hadn't noticed that, unconsciously, he no longer considered the disciples around him (...) to be mob characters the novel had described in a scant number of words.
^from volume one, he starts seeing them almost immediately because he's not actually that separate and he genuinely cares. all the time. about everything. even before that we get:
This was only a book, and all the people were constructs, imaginary characters. Logically, Shen Qingqiu was very clear on this fact...but when a character was actually being taunted and bullied right before his eyes, it was just flat-out unrealistic to expect him to be completely unmoved.
like why are you lying, shen yuan (<- svsss tagline if there ever was one)
just the idea of this really lonely detached guy finding a community, i know it's not the story mxtx was trying to tell but again, with the set up i really wanted to see it go in that direction.
there's one line from vol two where liu qingge goes "you fear becoming a burden to cang qiong mountain (...) but cang qiong mountain fears not your burden"
and basically what i'm saying is that i wish the story had been about THAT
(and also ning yingying's lines in that same chapter about shizun always taking on everything himself and why is it always you like that whole moment with the cang qiong mountain almost begging him to see that they care. idek what i'm saying but you know)
(also foaming at the mouth that we only got tiny tiny glimpses of shen yuan's life from before, those handful of times he mentioned his siblings i wanted to take a bite out of my kindle. tell me more!! dear fucking lord tell me more!! keep talking! elaborate!! he really felt very "kim dokja and his fourth wall" at times, sorry once more about the orv brain)
tldr: i guess i wanted a story about shen yuan/qingqiu but mxtx created svsss to be a story about bin/gqiu. and i just have to be okay with that.
#does this make any sense? no. am i still hitting ''post''? yes. sorry kay#fra.txt#fra.xml#pathos-logical#overall i quite enjoyed obsessive lu.o bin.ghe. so intense and possessive about the one person who showed him a little kindness#(so what if he also showed him a lot of pain too here and there?)#but like i said the bin.gqiu dynamic just didn't pull me in. of course to each their own#(''one person'' but poor yingying was trying to help him since day one.)#but also..... to me it felt like his arc was the least satisfying. he just.... is. whereas most everyone else seems to evolve more tangibly#right now i can't help but think of tianlang-jun. ''i can't bring myself to hate humans''#not to mention all the women from his harem becoming characters in their own right#i wish i could explain myself better but i don't have the words. sorry!#l.uo bin.ghe you ARE interesting i just feel like your story could have been more#as an apology here's my favorite line of yours: ''I don't want you to repay me. I just couldn't get over my anger''#see?? i pay attention to you too baby boy#i should re-read all of ^^^ that but i won't </3#edit: one thing i forgot to mention is that i did like the small snippet we got of bin/g-ge reacting to shen yu.an/qin.gqiu#like now that's something that immediately caught my eye it already made for such a more fascinating dynamic.#also i've seen a few things about shen yua.n (not trasmigrated) getting to meet bin.ghe/bin.g-ge and again that i would take a peak at#fully black lotus bin/g-ge coming face to face with shen ''i'm a hater but also can't help but be kind all the time'' yu.an truly pickles#my tickle. i'm sat. i'm listening. i'm compelled.
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If you've ever struggled with suicidal ideation, this has likely been a particularly difficult week. It certainly has been for me. I've lost a lot of trust in a lot of people. I hope this post doesn't make anyone lose trust in me.
You need to live. That means you, the person reading this post. I don't know your name or your situation but I know, with the same certainty that I know that the Earth is turning, that you need to live.
I know that it can be hard, crushingly hard. I know what it's like to feel so empty that getting out of bed seems impossible, or so overwhelmed that drastic action seems like the only way out.
It isn't. Death is not the answer. It sure as fuck isn't praxis. Please, please do not let anyone convince you otherwise. If you think that your death will have a net positive effect on the world, I promise you, as someone who has been there before, it won't.
And while I encourage you to do what you can to try and make the world a better place - donate to charity, pick up litter, volunteer your time, write your representatives, et cetera - I want to make it clear that those aren't requirements you need to meet to justify being alive. Your life has value, inherently.
Today things may be terrible. They may stay terrible for a while. But one day, a song will get stuck in your head that makes you feel something again. You'll meet a dog that loves you unconditionally. You'll eat a meal that tastes like it was cooked by an angel. You'll pick up a new hobby, perhaps without even realizing it, and it will bring you some sense of satisfaction. You'll watch a beautiful movie. You'll walk past a beautiful mural. Someone will compliment your outfit, someone will laugh at your joke, someone will tell you they're happy to spend time with you. One day you will wake up early enough to see the sun rise.
It's a cliche to say "it will get better". That's because it's true. It probably won't be a linear upward trend, rarely do things stay better forever, but there will come a time when you'll be glad you stayed alive. I promise.
#cw suicide#and uh. it's been a while since i last posted. i feel like i owe y'all a Life Update#so much has changed in my life - for better and worse - over the past two years#i have a degree and a (freelance) job and new friends. i have been through extreme stress and been taken advantage of because of it#there are a lot of things in my personal life that i wish were better. lowest points are not easy to recover from.#but at the end of the day i think it's a good thing that i'm still alive.#sidenote: this isn't the grand return of this blog or whatever. i haven't been keeping up with watcher content since early 2022#i still love the boys it's just been a wild ride out here in meatspace#i hope to make a proper return to the fandom someday. right now a certain hat simulator has an iron grip on my brain#it's funny how a game i was barely familiar with just half a year ago has ended up helping me deal with extreme stress.#the very specific type of joy it brings me is not something i ever saw coming. i am so glad i'm here to feel it now.
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fuck my stupid baka life went am I awake already
#just thinking thoughts...#go back to sleep. you still have to conk out for 4 more hours man...#urgh I'm just anxious about shit man#i shouldn't have asked Brazilian guy to come with me I'm mixing my crowds#I'm pretty sure one of the people who are tabling thinks I'm a woman#and the Vietnamese girl who wanted to come with me also thinks I'm a girl#i have no idea when the correct time to bring my gender up is...#here's the thing about ballroom dancing. it basically always begins with self-gendering#'will the boys stand in line here and the girls stand in line here' etc#if you just do that with enough confidence and swagger people will believe it#they have no reason to think you are not the gender you line up as and they can rationalize away all the remaining differences#but when i just Meet People how tf do i tell them HEY i know you think I'm a girl. but i am not#people tell me i need to be less excitable and stop hopping and flapping my hands but i dunno how to not do that...#guess i just haven't been punished enough to quit it
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guys when the disability is disabling 👎
#sorry stupid vent post <3#im gonna be angry in the tags here for a second#im just. idk. sick of being aware of the fact that im getting worse.#i had a week off from work for moving and school purposes#and now that im back i am . oh boy 👍 not great#literally passed out this morning which . thats new. dont like that.#hopefully its just a . one off thing. i dont know. but. idk.#something something capitalism something something ableism something something im tired of this grandpa#i am tired of being in pain <3 im tired of feeling like im falling behind constantly and like im letting everyone down#by just not being able to do the things i feel i should be able to do.#and like. also currently looking at wfh jobs bc i do not think my body can handle school and work and having to stand and walk and stairs#that much . every single day.#and i feel bad about that too bc i transfered to this store ! i put in work to be here at this store and my fucking body is giving out !!#its not even bad. its a much quieter store than the one i came from. everyone ive talked to is nice. the manager is understanding#and i hate that i feel like im just. deteriorating. and failing at everything <3#but like whatever . its whatever. i know its just the. internalized shit of 'yeah but im not bad enough to warrant this'#like ! fuck !#idk. things to bring up in therapy i guess <3#ok goop night sorry for this. i wont be deleting bc fuck me if i ever delete a post. cringe is dead or wtvr
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ENIES LOBBY TIME!!!
Sanji's face here.... he Knows he is going to fuck him up
THAT IS SANJI??? 😨
Holding them in my hands again....
Sanji struck a nerve there akdjaoajkq
Increible trio btw.... look at the evidence
............ me next please 🙏🏻
That is love right there I can see it
What if we all killed ourselves (except usopp is telling her the opposite ajahkdhsakjd)
I need sanji to go insane like this more often.... after the timeskip it doesn't happen as much and I love to see him suffering
This is so funny.... there is no denying to her face card
"It's not like she actually wants to die" well yes she does, but no because you know she doesn't really. It is in a quantum state right now
Luffy is such a menace akdhaksjkaak
TELL EM!!!! THAT'S MY GIRL!!!!
Look at franky worrying about robin.... do not fret luffy is coming and he will NOT lose!!!!!
This is zoro remarking how usopps fear of being left behind makes no sense.... this is so good.....
This is so endearing but it also breaks my heart....
Who is that sultry binch... (I don't recall this attack AT ALL and i'm sure we never see it again)
They botched his bbl.... 😔😔😔
Luffy's face here... he was convinced she wanted to go with them but was compelled to do otherwise but no.... he thought wrong and he can't fight to her.... I've just been staring at this page for minutes like damn.
Nevermind.... this is something your mother would say "you want to die??? Just wash the dishes and you can do whatever you want later"
"If you wanna die, or whatever...." this is so good like he knows what he is doing.... he Knows.... look at her face. After knowing how luffy and ace were as kids this just makes more sense (oda didn't think about this i'm sure but damn does it fit) also the slight manipulation.... look at all of us we're already here and look how we all miss you already... you know that post about luffy being selfish but his selfishness is jusg kindness to others... yesh
Thinking about robin's cinderella lifestyle.... why did her mother leave her with that aunt and why didn't some archeologist take her in?? Because she doesn't complain about anything just like she doesn't respond when that mother accused her of hitting her child without reason... that's so fucked
Alright this is funny (and also true)... I'm sorry fellow women....
*Justin Bieber voice* I like your laugh... dereishi shishishi
SHE'S GONNA ASK HER MOM TO TAKE HER TO THE SEA WITH HER??? LIKE SHE DOES AFTER WITH LUFFY??? MY GOD!!! I just bursted into tears like I got punched in the nose I can't keep going ajdhakajk
I lied i can keep going... but head in my hands over this....
Find out how my emotional stability survives this arc in ennies lobby part 2. coming soon
#franky calling sanji brother eyebrows is too good akdbsksnsk also ily franky#captain t bone.... he got killed tecently.... i forgot who he was until now but he actually cared thats so fucked up.... cross guild come o#sanji going against cp9 by himself.... i shant say it... SLAY!!!! also the cook being mad about being pretty cause he has no individuality.#lucci talking about a little girl being born wrong and needing to die for it TO SANJI!!! OOF!!!#the frog stopped rocketman bc he thought they kidnapped kokoro just like they took tom 😭😭😭 this fucking frog always gets me#chapter 377 and franky is in the headline with the strawhats ❤️❤️ they recruit TWO thirty year olds in enies lobby ajdhaksjks#franky biting spandex head.... yeah... and he should do it more why did he stop biting heads... he got domesticated#luffy is such a menace here like damn.... he is charging thru EVERYTHING!! GET THEM BOY!!!!#also franky is so important in giving robin hope here... like she sees him fighting back no matter what and i KNOW that inspires her...#i am going to say it hina fullbody and jango have a challengers thing going on but without hina being involved physically iykwim#when in action panels the ink just becomes lines... OOF!!! CHEFS KISS!!! MWAH MWAH#completely forgot gear 2 used the shave technique.... thats so cool..... also iron body must be haki then... and finger pistol#i dont think i can do this... after this ends we got thriller bark and then marineford starts building up...#i can endure water 7 sad moments bc everything ends up well in the end but what am i gonna do with marineford.... my god#also dr clover and dr hyruluk and crocus all have smilar plant based hair designs is that bc they are doctors or just coincidence#also robins father is dead and for sure another archeologist or similar.... thats inch resting....#which also like damn olvia and dragon had to make the same choices with their children i am sure. thats so fucked. dragon backstory when#clover knew the name of the fallen kingdom (robonosuke lore??) and also olvia knew some important information the gov didnt know... ✍️✍️✍️#SAKAZUKI SHOT THE EVACUATION SHIP???? HELLO??? I DIDNT REMEMBER IT WAS HIM!! (also olvia knew where saul was)#kuzan is sick in the head... he can't bring himsef to kill child robin but he will kill her as an adult... also his beef with akainu is OLD#like no wonder she was terrified when she saw him again. he said live like a recluse or i will end you and she fucking did. THE bogeyman#there are comments saying they hate akainu and he has just appeared 😭😭 JUST FUCKING WAIT#you guys think when luffy realised robin's enemy was the world gov he also realised it was sabo's enemy too.... bc as a child he didn't kno#also pluton was made as a countermeasure for the weapon robin could reactivate... could that be the one that was used in lulusia??#bc i thought that weapon was pluton but if pluton is just blueprints.... this makes more sense... which could also mean the ancient weapons#are a countermeasure for weapons the government already has. and thats why they're hunting them down. to have no opposition#so there must be two sides of the ancient weapons bc they call pluton that but also the unnamed one that robin could activate#so is pluton a countermeasure to uranus (the one used in lulusia i think) but neptune? trios dont make sene but a trio and their opposite d#reading one piece#enies lobby
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