#I AM DYING HERE OKAY

[chalkrub]

so i remembered daily comic day this year and i am paying for it

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

[happysaddca]

As usual, this is @wyervan's slasher DCA AU.

This was supposed to be silly and maybe a little flirty but something happened. Ellis is a mime. A really bad one.

“Sun.” 

“Hush. You’re ruining your makeup.” 

“But I hate this.” Ellis tries and fails to not flinch when a cold brush traces the curve of their lower lip. Sunny’s tutting does not help. 

“You do this to children all the time Nova. How can you be such a baby about it yourself?” Sun laughs when Ellis pouts, flinching again when the brush touches just under their eye. They kick out at the laugh, but their foot hits only the excess fabric of his costume’s pants. 

“I do not take this long, my paint is not this cold, and they actually know what they’re getting and want it. What are you even using? This isn’t my palette.” Ellis has been sitting for far too long and it feels like Sun’s gone over their entire face, twice. 

“Clever as always. It’s grease paint. We can’t use your regular stuff because it’d crack mid-performance and the only cracking should be the audience, at our jokes.” A pause, but Ellis just shakes their head at Sun, unable to roll their eyes at him. There’s the sound of Sun’s palette and brushes being set aside. “Boo. Anyway, you needed full coverage for today.” 

“Can I open my eyes yet?” 

“Well,” Sun draws the word into meaningless noise. “We could spoil the surprise now, or—” 

“You are not dressing me like a doll Sun.” 

They can hear him droop. “But Nova, I would be ever so polite. I could even just hand you the clothes while you change yourself.”

“You and me both with our eyes closed? You better turn off the security cameras because Moon will use that as blackmail.” Sun laughs while Ellis thinks it over, finally offering a hand. “You don’t gotta keep your eyes closed, but do keep the color commentary to yourself.” 

“Fine, promise.” Sun’s hand is calloused and warm as he guides Ellis to the back of the changing room. He jingles softly with every step. 

“Do I get to wear a pair of your slippers?”

“Do you want to?” 

“Why so surprised?” Ellis can’t help their broad grin, noting that Sun is right; the paint is definitely thick and there, but they can’t feel it crack, just move like an uncomfortable second skin. 

“You always, always, always make fun of Moon and I when we dress up,” Sun says, stopping Ellis with their hand pressed against the back of a locker. “You’ve made it quite clear your opinion on clowns.” 

“I’m teasing. I thought that was obvious? I mean.” They stop to rethink their words. “I like jesters better, but clowns can have their place. And you’re not scary either.” 

“We’re not?” The bells have moved away at this point, and they can hear him digging around. “I’m not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.” 

“Do you want to be scary?” Ellis pulls off their overshirt, rubbing briskly at their arms because the locker room is cold. Fabric hits the back of their head and they barely swallow back a surprised yelp. Their throat hurts. 

“Maybe,” is the singsong answer, and Ellis does roll their eyes at this point, figuring out they’d just had a shirt tossed at them. After some fiddling for the sleeves and tag, they’re able to pull it on, but there is a new problem. 

“Sun?”

“Nova?” 

“The sleeves are too small.” 

“What?” The surprise is theatrical, but the sudden pressure on their bicep is not. “Flex.” 

“I’ll rip the fabric.” 

“Flex,” Sun repeats, and Ellis sighs even as they oblige, flinching when they feel the sleeve give way. Sun whistles low as you push against his resisting fingers. “How long have you been hiding this from us? Shoulda had you going and picking up the tables instead of Moon ‘n Madiline.” 

Ellis pulls away and drags the shirt off with some trouble, tossing it at the sound of bells. “I need something with more space. Can I open my eyes? Might be able to fix it.” 

“Fine, but no guessing til you see the full piece together.” 

Ellis finds Sun staring at them, his facepaint not masking the obvious delight and curiosity on his 

face. They look at the shirt, black and white striped fabric, one sleeve busted at the shoulder. They stare, then slowly look up at Sun’s chin and his smile. 

“No.” 

“But you haven’t seen the whole thing!” 

“You’ve whitewashed me like a goddamn fence haven’t you?”

“Language Nova,” Sun chides but they ignore him, going to their locker and ripping the door open to look at the dusty little mirror inside. 

“Oh you motherfucking discount Ronald McDonald—” 

“I didn’t realize you’d be this upset about it!” 

“Didn’t—Sun, mimes are all about their performance. I’m not a performer; I’m barely even a person!” They twist on their heels to face Sun before realizing what they said. Sun looks confused, maybe concerned? They hold a hand up. “No.” 

“Nova…” 

“I’m fine. Lucky for both of us I have an excessive amount of black and white striped shirts.” If they could, they’d throw the shirt at him again. But he’s still holding it, fingers plucking at the busted threads. They refuse to look at him, face burning under the paint as they dig in the locker for, yes, good, they still have it. 

It’s a tank top, so they jerk their undershirt off, the compression bandage underneath flexing as they redress. They turn, showing it off. “Suitable?”

“Suitable,” Sun agrees. He’s being sparse with his words, but Ellis ignores that. 

“Where’s the rest of it? And please don’t have me flex my thighs if the pants are too small too.” 

“No more flexing. I’m not sure I can return that shirt now.” 

“I’ll fix it.” Ellis goes back to the locker where Sun had stashed the mime costume. Because of course he’d chosen a mime. A goddamn motherfucking mime whose entire thing are their physicality and Ellis is as performative as a wooden board. 

No. They correct the image. A wooden board would get a standing ovation compared to Ellis. They were as performative as… as pond scum. Useful, but nothing to look at. An assistant at best. 

The pants are serviceable, though they have bright red suspenders that make Ellis feel ridiculous when they slip them on. A scrap of red felt has them frowning as they pull it out. 

“I’m not wearing this.” 

“It finishes the look.” 

“No.” 

A pause. “I’ll get Moon to lend you his shoes.” 

Which is how Ellis ends up on stage with Sun, wearing a forced smile and red beret pinned in place on top of their head. 

Moon’s shoes are half a size too large for them, so the toes are stuffed with paper towels. The kids are too distracted by Sun’s prattle to worry about their half-hearted attempts at mimery. The only people that seem to be paying them any attention are their coworkers and Moon.

They’re trying not to notice, but they can’t not. Without his slippers, Moon’s wearing his street clothes with his ridiculously voluminous pants. Ellis can’t make out his face, but they try for a better smile before tapping on the shoulder, pretending to push a pie in his face. A pretend pie, of course, and the motion’s too stiff. They can feel the failure as it happens, but Sun’s reaction is so natural and real that it almost doesn’t matter. The laughter from Sun’s reeling is warming. 

The bells on Moon’s slippers jingle as they stumble over the toes. They’re harder to walk in than they imagined. Sun catches Ellis by the wrist and pulls them into a dip that leaves them clinging to his arms. “Good job Nova,” he whispers in their ear. “Are you ready?”

“Ready?” Ellis is in fact not ready to be pulled into a twirl and bow, still holding onto Sun’s arm like a lifeline. The applause is scattered. Obligatory. 

At least, that’s the impression Ellis gets. There had been a single bright moment, and it’s gone like the crowd. They stumble away when the kids crowd around Sun, slipping out of the shoes to slip away in socks. “Ellis!” Star’s calling but nope, they need to hide they need to cry.

They hit the door to the employee bathroom and grab at the sink, breathing hard as tears threaten but never come. They’re left instead to listen to themselves wheeze, trying and failing to catch their breath because because 

What’s happening? Why can’t they breathe? They dig for a lighter but these aren’t their pants and their jacket is in the other room and the door squeaks open, bells heralding a clown. Freckles enter their field of view and Ellis tries to shove Sun away, but there’s no contact, just a listless wave in empty air before arms are wrapped tightly around them. 

“Breathe with me. Four seconds in, nice and slow. C’mon Nova. You did well for your first performance!” Ellis shakes their head but Sun doesn’t let them go, curling tighter around them and saying something, a rhyme, a song, something childish and repetitive and calming. 

Ellis opens their mouth to speak and snap it shut again when only a wheeze comes out. A second try. “Don’t make me do that again.” 

“I won’t. We won’t. It’s okay Ellis.” Sun doesn’t complain when Ellis twists in place and presses their face against his neck ruffle, smearing white over the red and gold. It’s itchy and annoying and they hate it but the tears have finally come and it’s made them far too limp to move on their own. They don’t hear the second set of bells until there’s a new pair of arms pulling them up by the armpits and Ellis protests until they see the mess they’ve made of Sun’s costume. 

“I’m sorry,” they say and repeat it, then swallow back a third sorry. 

Sun looks down, grinning at the mess. “Don’t worry about it Els. We’ve certainly had much worse happen.” Moon scoffs, but Ellis still manages to work their way free, forcing themself to stand. “You did well today. Has Moony been giving you lessons?”

“No.” They wobble a little in place, phantom hands tightening over their ribs. No, Moon’s hands. He’d never let go and if they look down, they can see him holding them, the pattern on his skin at odds with the stripes. Was that why he wore stars? “I don’t want to go again. I’m not—I’m not.” They wipe at their eyes, smearing more white over their hand and wrist. “You can let me go.” The hands don’t move. “I just want to go change in my bus.” 

Sun stands again, stretching before reaching behind to pull the dirtied ruff off. “Moon will take you.” He holds a finger up. “Nova, you’re an employee and if you fall and hurt yourself right now, it’s gonna be on Moon and my’s heads. Let him walk you. Please?”

“Okay.” They do grab at those hands, insisting on taking one in their own instead. Smearing more white everywhere. It feels appropriate. A taint of everything they want to care about. They do care about. 

“Moon, don’t let them out of your sight until they’re laying down. No naps.” The exchange goes silent but Sun just smiles again at Ellis. “Come back when you’re ready. There’s plenty to do behind the scenes after all. The work never ends!” And he’s turning again and Ellis is alone with Moon. 

He lets them walk in silence, his hand warm and steady in theirs. It’s at the door to Sue they try to push him away. “I’m technically clocked out now. You don’t have to worry.” 

The silence has them checking his face. It’s as neutral as ever, unreadable. They drop their gaze quickly, the guilt and heat returning all over again. But they can breathe at least. “I’m sorry about fucking things up.” 

“You didn’t.” 

“I fuck everything up.” 

“You don’t.” 

They can’t be satisfied with that, not from Moon of all people. Their eyes hurt, their head hurts, their everything hurts all the way down. “I do! Because if I didn’t, then I wouldn’t be this!” They gesture at the ruined facepaint, the ruined shirt, themselves. And they gesture again before catching themselves, digging their nails into their arms. 

Moon pulls Ellis’s hands away, pinning them to the side of the bus instead. “Don’t.” 

“Why not?” they demand, jerking at Moon’s grip. They nearly get free before Moon adjusts. He doesn’t answer, and Ellis isn’t looking at him for answers. They don’t try again. 

The silence lasts long enough that Ellis calms down and now they’re just embarrassed. And cold. They just had a meltdown at work in front of Sun and Moon and who knows how many bystanders heard and now they don’t know how to tell Moon to please let them go so they can open the gray water tank in Sue and crawl inside to drown. 

Moon does eventually let go, and Ellis’s hands drop at their sides, tingling as bloodflow returns. Moon doesn’t step away, and Ellis can’t exactly open the door like this. They reach out, gently touching Moon’s chest, finding the drawstring of his hoodie. And just holds it, trying to convince themselves to speak, to take ownership of the situation. 

To ask him to stay. Or ask them to stay. Please. 

Moon pulls back, the drawstring slipping out of their fingers. And he’s gone, walking back into the arcade and leaving Ellis to slowly slide down to the ground, trying not to cry until they’re able to crawl inside and out of the public eye.

[masakuterarr]

HxH HC: Uvo Sarasa

Hi. :) Uvo visiting Meteor City, everytime they're done with missions, to get flowers and put them on Sarasa's grave. He takes care of the flowers and he has his little ritual. He prays (he isn't religious but he just does it for Sarasa and for the sake of it). Then he takes one flower, kisses it and lays it on top of the grave. And then he kisses his fingertips and touchs the grave with these fingers. and he talks really gently with dead Sarasa. Hoping she woould hear him, so he can sooth her in afterlife so she won't be afraid of being there all alone....

[the-bi-space-ace]

See, I hold back when I write. It could be far angstier than it is. I could be handing out forehead kisses left and right. Forehead kisses as someone cries and bleeds after a battle. Delirious from blood loss and pain and needing reassurance. Forehead kisses when they know their squadmate is going to die. A parting gift. One last way to comfort them, to remind them they’re loved.

I’m just saying I could make things more painful than they already are.

[wikitpowers]

never forget today 15.08.2024💔

[aroaceleovaldez]

emo Nico x scene Will Solace...

[doc-davey]

TW: Blood, Sword impalement, and G-d i guess

Saul’s peace (turmoil)

I have no idea why I made this after having a panic attack (it’s okay I’m fine- sort of… meh. I haven’t had one in years, and how ironic I wrote about Jonathan’s panic attack a week ago 😐) But I guess it’s the song I listened to right after. I really love this song. Especially the last chorus, toward the end, it always gives me Saul vibes, how he is dictated by those above him, left with little to no control even as a king. I don’t sympathize with Saul entirely, but from Saul’s pov, he’d see how Samuel and G-d gaslights him even when he tries to listen to every command, but they take advantage of the paranoia that he has always struggled with.

I’ve made that one of the main themes in the Book of Saul when I write how he explores the idea of control, because Saul throughout his life has hardly had a thought of his own. It seemed as though he gave his life at the fate of Samuel and the Lord.

Also, I attempted to draw G-d, as you can tell lmao. Ngl, I didn’t know how I wanted to depict Him, so I went with the generic biblically accurate angel route. Depicting G-d is going to be subjective, and so, I’ll just say this is how I imagine Him. He’s a big feathery thing to me, with lots of eyeballs, and arms.

I lowkey love it lol. Should I draw G-d more? Have Him bother Samuel and stuff while messing with Saul and forcing bro to dance lmao (I love those passages of Saul very entertaining, as in I like tormenting him because I love Saul angst)

But yeah, imma also start redrawing my David/Jonathan ref sheets so I can begin making something special for my anniversary in two months… oh boi ���

I think the cake this year is going to be very unserious lmao, deadass going to stick printed pics of David on the thing like a hear me out challenge.

Anyways… I still have yet to recover, my mental health is shit. Going to be less active, but I thought I was doing good lol.

Starting off 2025 strong 🎉🎉

[kanerallels]

Don't mind me just kriffing SOBBING over our blueberry boy speaking onscreen for the first time in OVER FIVE YEARS

[atoriv-art]

I really like your nejisasuneji fanart!I think the similarity between Neji and Sasuke in Naruto is worth exploring. Both of them come from the pupil aristocracy, and their strength is about the same (the early Byakugan and Sharingan are both very strong), and both of them are rebels. Regardless of whether it was fate or the system, both people failed in the end. Neji still failed to escape fate and became a scapegoat. Sasuke finally compromised to the old system and ran around in order to maintain the status quo. It is very appropriate to use one sentence to evaluate the two people: "Those who try to control their destiny end up being controlled by destiny."It will be interesting for the sasuneji two to help each other: Sasuke helps Neji reform the Hyuga clan and break the curse seal of the caged bird. At the same time, the reform of the Hyuga clan becomes the beginning of the reform of the old system of the ninja world. Neji, who is no longer controlled by the caged bird, becomes Sasuke's right-hand man.

yesssss this is what drew me to them! i find it very interesting they are both clan prodigies with Baggage and both come from prestigious clans no less. remember when the sharingan and byakugan were compared to each other and it meant anything ever that was FUN.

i particularly enjoy the idea of contrasting them because If I Wrote Naruto (said every naruto fan ever) this conflict of like. sasuke goes on to be the one who could Not bear to stay in konoha and then later turns against it, vs neji who stayed in konoha after being promised that things would change (and they didn't. funny that) would be something to be explored! especially after Both having been seen as Shitty, Angry Prodigies. but neji "calmed down" after being made promises that weren't kept and sasuke didn't let himself even consider falling for stuff like that (until the ending of naruto lmfao)

i'm a big fan of characters who contrast like that lol and i think the whole sharingan vs byakugan thing is a very fun backdrop to that. like dreams/illusions vs reality/truth? come on now.

people joke about it a lot i've seen, but literally if neji as a character were allowed to 1. exist in a meaningful way at all in shippuden lmfao 2. interact with sasuke, i do think it'd be an easy path for interesting interactions, because like. having to defend the village who's literally never helped you, against the guy who was also Never given any assistance or support growing up, AFTER the village made you countless promises that your life would get better when it literally did not? lol. lmao even

them teaming up is sincerely on the like top 5 best things that would happen If Naruto Made Any Sense to me to be honest i do think about it a lot.

[iamhereinthebg]

Gonna share badly translated panels from the official french translation because I can

I can’t verbally explain how much Akane ROASTED Aoi in chap 69 . He really took the ‘I am gonna end this woman’s whole career” to a next level

:))))

--> to explain the ‘you’re pretending you don’t know’

[beanghostprincess]

I finished S2 of Link Click and what the fuck (more on the tags for spoilers)

[hauntingblue]

Ace...?? they cloned my beautiful wife...

[moongothic]

On the train of your last ask, what are your thoughts on dragons sexuality?

Personally I think he’s Demi something (more attracted to personality than looks or gender)

Honestly because we don't know that much about the guy it's kind of hard for me to form an opinion, and if Crocodad Real then we're going to find out his orientation eventually (since we gotta find out if that was a contributing factor to the Dragodile Divorce (assuming they're divorced)) so I'm kind of okay with not forming any headcanons, since the headcanon could get thrown out the window

If anything, what interests me is how Dragon's orientation could impact the story-- like when I've discussed the Dragodile Divorce I have mainly focused on speculating how Crocodile would've felt about it, but how Dragon felt about that is interesting too

Because if he's straight then yeah that probably contributed to The Divorce, but how did Dragon feel about it? Learning that the love of his life is now happier than ever before after transitioning and being happy for him, while also losing the version of Crocodile that he fallen in love to begin with? No longer feeling thet draw to him because of the thing that has brought him so much joy and comfort? Knowing that even if they did take down the WG the family Dragon had hoped to have would never come to be, because their relationship would now end? And that it would be on some level his fault, because he's not attracted to Crocodile anymore?

Like even if Dragon took things well and the divorce happened "on good terms", it would've been sad for Dragon too.

But then there's a slightly juicier option, because what if Dragon was bi, but the Divorce happened under unpleasant circumstances (be it Dragon lashing out or things getting violent because he couldn't recognize Crocodile) and he didn't figure it out until it was too late?

Because you'd still have Dragon going through some if not all of those previously mentioned feelings, of having to come to terms with the version of his significant other whom he had fallen in love with no longer existed, the family had pictured in his mind would never become a thing, that those things were be kind of his fault and that he had hurt Crocodile deeply in the process. But then he'd be looking at some news article of Crocodile's most recent heroic stunt, seeing his handsome face with that usual, unbothered expression, and realizing he still loved him? That he still wanted to be with him, wished they were together, even now that Crocodile was a far more handsome man than he was? And then the realization that he's bi hitting him like a fucking truck But it's too late. The divorce already happened. He already hurt Crocodile too deeply. Knowing Croc, he had probably already moved on. There was no fixing it, the relationship was over. At least for now, trying to go see Croc could be dangerous due to the WG and not wanting to risk the WG finding out about them and The Kid and Croc would probably be furious if Dragon even risked that at this point, after what he had done. Oh, and then Crocodile killed thousands of innocent people attempting to usurp a country by manufacturing a civil war. Something Dragon can't forgive. (Not to mention, hearing he had been taken down by their own son... Oof)

But what if despite all that, and not knowing the full circumstances behind what had happened (like the fact that Crocodile didn't know who the hell Luffy was), Dragon still loved Crocodile? What then?

[cranberrymoons]

.

[eldritch-strawberries]

They should create a brain that stops