#Humour at the time and i knew ppl would probably just see me as being childishly sensitive but it’s like. sorry some ppl just come off as

[latinokaeya-moving]

ngl i’ve always known i was a pretty sensitive kid (and continue to remain fairly sensitive even now as an adult with marginally thicker skin) bc i for the most part have tried to be as earnest and genuine as i can which apparently just seems to come off to most people as appearing stupidly childish or naive but being on this site enough years to see the cycle of a swinging pendulum where certain kinds of mean spirited jokes get popular before the inevitable widespread backlash has made me realise no most of you people just get a kick out of being overly mean and cruel on purpose to feel superior to others

[jackwhiteprophetic]

My controversial 9-1-1 opinion is that Buck is one of the least interesting characters on the show. Don’t get me wrong, he is complex and interesting but the type of character he is and oftentimes reduced to (sunshine golden retriever boy, abandonment issues, humour to cope and uses false confidence and cockiness to hide the fact he’s deeply insecure) is common and you can find at least one character in almost any media who pretty much matches that description. Usually those characters are also a fandom favourite and you can never escape them.

The clear favouritism for Buck in the fandom also undermines a lot of the incredible things this show has done for representation. “Omg the white guy kissed another white guy! This is revolutionary and the greatest thing to happen on the show!” (Ik I’m simplifying it).

That’s cool, personally I think one of the greatest things to happen on the show is the representation of an abusive relationship and how that trauma impacts a person for years and isn’t fixed in a night after finding the perfect guy. I also think representing postpartum depression was also quite revolutionary and made my mum feel comfortable enough to open up to me about how she had postpartum depression after my sister was born. Like my mum is 50 years old and this silly firefighter show made her feel seen. THAT’S what representation is for.

Regarding LGBTQ+ representation, I think the HAPPILY MARRIED BLACK LESBIAN COUPLE WITH CHILDREN (Mara we’re getting you home) is something never seen in mainstream media, firstly because there are hardly any sapphic relationships and secondly because those sapphic relationships hardly include women of colour.

This is an ensemble and I feel like a lot of people forget that. I’m also still annoyed that when Buck was confirmed bisexual, major article companies acted like this was the first time 9-1-1 had established 1) a queer character and 2) a queer couple.

Henren ran so BT could stumble around and fall flat on its face.

Interesting... We definitely share some of the same views on things, but I do find Buck really interesting as a character now!!! I find Buck and Eddie soooo interesting mainly because I have read probably millions of words of character study on them. Also when I first watched I didn't find Buck suuuper interesting up until the saviour baby arc, which adds so many layers of complexity to his behaviour across all seasons!!!

I really hope there is a greater focus on Maddie next season!!!! Also I think one of the major flaws with S7, because it was written very quickly and they knew they would have to move scenes across episodes is that they didn't really mix storylines massively, so it wasn't very cohesive and we didn't really get to see the 118 as a whole family properly. The pairings we had were Buck and Eddie, Henren and Madney and Bobby and Athena, and that was kind of consistent throughout. Next season I'm really hoping that they can switch up dynamics at least for a few storylines, BC I miss when we would see scenes of like Buck and Chim, or Athena and Hen, which they stopped doing as much once Bathena happened, because they no longer needed Hen as a link between Athena and the 118. WHICH IS SO SAD! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

ALSO SORRY THIS ISNT VERY WELL STRUCTURED BUT CAN THEY LET HENREN BE HAPPY PLEASE!!!! Kind of sick of their storylines being "oh no someone is threatening our family" because it just paints their family as unstable and they don't deserve that!!! I want silly storylines PLEASE!

But yes the centering of Buck (and sometimes the other guy who I will not name BC I don't wanna piss ppl off) by SOME people in the fandom ANGERS ME GREATLY. ESPECIALLY with the whole Gerrard thing, where the comments on the IG post were FLOODED with people talking about Tommy (named him here oh well). And people talking about how everyone is gonna defend Buck because if Gerrard even looks at Buck they're gonna throw hands! I'M SORRY WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU MORE DEFENSIVE OVER BUCK THAN CHIMNEY OR HEN, WHO HAVE ALREADY BOTH BEEN TARGETED AND HARASSED AND BULLIED BY GERRARD? WHY ARE YOU MORE DEFENSIVE OVER TOMMY THAN CHIM OR HEN? It fucking disgusts me. The way that Tommy literally was introduced in S2 as a PLOT DEVICE to show how 'bystanders' (he was barely a bystander, more an active participant) in workplace racism and bullying are still so fucking dangerous and disgusting and wrong. And he was so fucking disgusting to both Hen and Chim, bear in mind they have a fucking dangerous job, if CHIM had been in that building Tommy would have absolutely left him to die. WORKPLACE RACISM IN LIFE OR DEATH JOBS LEADS TO PEOPLE BEING FUCKING LEFT TO DIE. And people are more defensive over Tommy being potentially harassed by Gerrard and than they ever were over Hen or Chim. As a white person I am so fucking sorry, this fandom has not lately been a safe space for pocs and the fucking lengths people go to to justify both the character and the actor are so fucking strange. White queer people should do fucking better than this. It is the bare fucking minimum to not be racist or not have been publicly racist in the past. Why not ask for a better fucking standard? ALSO with the actor, if you're trying to fucking argue that he's not like that any more, SHOW ME that he is a fucking anti racist and that he is fucking defending minority groups and that he understands the weight of his actions. SHOW ME how he understands his privilege and uses his platform and the money he is given to donate to and fund the protection of these groups. It is fucking sickening that people have decided they can defend or ignore or tolerate this man and it DISGUSTS ME that they have happily created an environment where people can't feel fucking safe or supported or heard.

The focus on that character is so fucking weird given the lack of screen time he has had, I'm really gonna stop talking about him at all soon because it gives him way too much weight. But it's disgusting. The way some people have to find a way to write Eddie and Chris out of Buck's life and rewrite over canon to bring more focus onto this man astounds me.

As a (lesbian? Idk not currently sure but kinda) queer person, Henren are such beautiful representation and I love them so much and ALSO the foundation of the whole show is basically found family. If you want to only focus on Buck then that's fine I guess, but it is literally written into canon that the family around him mean FUCKING EVERYTHING TO HIM so it's weird that people barely fucking look at it at all.

Anyway sorry I greatly appreciated your message and idk if all of this is related or relevant and it is not well structured but I was just feeling ranty and was inspired by you! I love you and I hope you have a brilliant day!

[signedeclipse]

Hi there! Since your requests are open can I request a matchup?

Preferably male demon/slayer B)

I'm 20 year old agender person and I use all pronous

I'm 5'9 feet tall, green eyes, medium brown hair to my shoulders with blonde ends and I am slightly chubby. I mostly wear masculine clothing with some punkish/metalhead accents like spiky bracelets and edgy t shirts.

My hobbies are mostly drawing, going out with friends, gaming and occasionally partying.

When it comes to my personality I'm very cold at first but I get comfortable and extroverted really fast. I am loud Overdramatic overtalker who likes to argue and debate from time to time (ENTP). I have slight anger problem and I am brutally honest which means I can be unlikeable when you first meet me. Im very cheerful and a "funny friend" to my loved ones, will protect them with my heart and hold grudges to anyone who makes them somehow upset. I also make a lot of dark humor jokes and I tease my friends which sometimes pisses them off.

My love language is mostly quality time/ physical touch but only with really close people to me

I'm demisexual which means I have to get an emotional connection with a Person before anything happens

Yo I hope it's enough info haha

I hope im not late

Take care :3

You got…Hantengu!

Honestly, your punk style looked very scary to him at first, you seemed like someone who would intimidate others or be generally unkind, but he was very surprised when you just called out to him asking if he needed help because he was shaking.

Later he found out in the late night you thought he was a lost old man, and not a demon, but the kindness of the action was still very touching after the many decades he had faced being 'attacked' by everyone around him.

You are very rough around the edges, but Hantengu appreciates that it isn't most often towards him. Even after you found out he was a demon, you seemed to just think it was cool more than bothersome and continued hanging around him when he wasn't on a mission.

It didn't take long to meet his clones, of which were far more akin to you. Karaku thought your style was 'sick as fuck' and would probably steal a spiked collar from you. Urogi enjoys your jokes and dark humour, which he shares very deeply and will sometimes get into contests with you about who can make the darkest joke.

Sekido and you tend to sit in deafening silence until he tries to speak which usually ends with you mocking him and him taking it seriously and ending up in a heated debate with you. He thinks you are very passionate, and on a few times has actually lost to you.

Aizetsu is much like Hantengu in that he appreciates when you stand up for him when the other clones poke at him, though he has gotten sombre if you ever aim your harsh words at him, he knows you don't mean it and tries to poke back the best he can.

They have all the time in the world to give you, and you can expect large cuddle piles with the group. You won't see the clones often, but Hantengu makes sure to take good care of you in their absence.

Authors Note - Hantengu is one of those characters I have a hard time matching people up with, btu when I read yours I knew INSTANTLY so I hope that says something! I get sad because I like Hantengu and his clones but so many ppl leave to ol;d guy out so I hope you like him as I do :[ Thank you for requesting!

[carllisle]

inspired by this positivity chain started by the effervescent, kind, funny and sweet @jasperwhitcock i just wanna be positive abt 3 ppl and be um. soft!!!

@carlislesscarf omg rach is one of the funniest people, and so sweet too. like from the moment you see that cursed picture in her icon you just know that shes got a certain level of humour that is like. GOOD SHIT. she’s so consistently supportive, and she is incredibly patient and kind when explaining something whether it be fandom related or otherwise. her soul is just so bright and it warms me to think how kindly she welcomed me to the fandom when i first joined. like. she is just this bundle of positivity for others. the first time we spoke to each other like voice chat we were both just laughing like we were drunk for like 15 mins. she’s such a bright ray of sunshine!!!

@notquitetwilight oh my god words nearly fail me. when i first saw her posts i was like. obsessed and I was too intimidated to message her because they were so funny (and still are!!!) and the first time i did message her it was on anon. then rach added her to a group chat we were in and like oh my god???? she is SO funny SO sweet and so passionate i just knew i wanted to keep talking to her!!! it’s such a blessing to find someone in a fandom who shares your sense of humour in such outlandish scenarios (and yes, the Cullanos is a particularly good example!!!!!!!!) and to have a mutual and a friend in Juliet is wonderful. sidenote, it still kills me that she is now known as Juliet despite it not being her name, because we joked that if we ever fell in love it would be like romeo and juliet, a forbidden love because shes irish and im british. on that note, she has been incredibly patient with me when i have been ignorant and incredibly forgiving when i have said the wrong thing or crossed a line. her passion and knowledge is something she has shared and it has opened my eyes to so many things that i was too cowardly? too wilfully ignorant? too lazy? to see before. and she’s never made me feel bad about it, either, even though she would not be wrong to. im incredibly grateful to know her and see her passion and to learn from her, whilst also sharing the most unhinged creative vision with her, too. so for anyone wondering if the person behind the Twilight group chats is that funny in private, yes, yes she is. also shes fine as hell and i believe we were a married couple in a past life. or nuns in a secret life-long romantic relationship in a 13th century italiano nunnery. 

@stregoni-benefici​ and me go way back actually. we were mutuals from 2012 when i first made my main blog although we never actually talked, and at some point i unfollowed twilight blogs. when i wanted to come back to the twilight fandom in november 2020, she was the first person i spoke to and who welcomed me to the fandom and especially the carlesme fandom. without her kindness i probably wouldn’t have stuck around. Streg is the kindest person, the most understanding and compassionate person, and i just adore her. her carlesme headcanons are intelligent and sweet and sexy and we think alike in so many ways, talking to her is the highlight of my day. whether it be talking about twilight or anything else, Streg has a listening ear and kind word, and her laugh is one of the most lovely things to hear oh my god???? she is the carlesme MVP, here since 2011. everyone say THANK YOU miss streg!!!!! she introduced me to rach who then introduced me to juliet so thank u streg, my twilight experience wouldn’t be half as good without you!!! 

i just adore these three ladies. like for real. all three of them are kind, funny, intelligent women who are wonderful to have in my life. most people in the world are going through really tough things right now, and having good friends, even ones that you met through fucking twilight of all things, can make all the difference. i love these bitches uno actually

[silver-wield]

I wanna hear your thoughts on the scene where Cloud, Tifa and Barret just finished fighting that big machine when the were scaling the wall to go save Aerith. (Sorry I totally forgot the name of the boss) Where the platform they’re on totally gives way and they all start falling.

Just finished the fight, or pre and post fight? Imma do the latter anyway cause I love being validated when I saw something and had people tell me I was seeing things.

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be reasonably long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone’s interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 

Tifa character analysis 

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory – I should probably update this since I’ve had other ideas since then) 

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 

Cloti reunion analysis 

The Promise Analysis 

Andrea’s approval (Cloti ask response) 

Leslie analysis (not mine, but a good read) 

Cloti action touching 

Aerti friendship analysis 

Cloti body language chapter 3 

Cloti healthy disagreement 

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Recap time! So our trio have made it almost to the top of the collapsed plate in Sector 7 and they stop to take in the view. After that there's some banter and a boss fight and more action touching. I just wanna say before I start that a lot of this is at a distance, so it's not gonna be much of an analysis since there's so few close ups and all the body language is geared towards protective/rescue type movements, which is pretty obvious.

Gonna start with the pre battle image here of Cloud smiling after making a joke because certain people like to get it in their heads that he's being serious here because it’s a callback to the whole “merc/money” thing. The fact both Tifa and Barret chuckle and Cloud literally smiles – DO YOU SEE HIM SMILING HERE?! – has a pretty simple meaning that he's grown close to them. He's no longer that cold af mercenary who only goes on about money in a serious way. This is his version of camaraderie which suits his dry af sense of humour.

Ok, so our heroes are triumphant and pretty pleased about it. Just throwing this one in for context since what comes next is pretty fast paced.

While Barrett's crowing, Cloud's already noticed something's wrong. That's just how quick his reflexes are. Frowning, looking at the mech. He can tell something's about to go sideways.

KABOOM! Platform starts collapsing, taking Tifa with it. Cloud's speed off the mark here is almost too quick to capture. He goes after her before she even realises she's falling. He wasn't even facing her when she slipped. She made a noise and he turned. That's how attentive he is towards her. Like, fucking hell, man, I'm blown away more and more with every in-depth look at their interactions.

We know Cloud's graceful af from watching him fight (not to mention that dance scene), but honestly, this looks next level even for him! I think this is the only time he goes this far with his body language. He's got his arms wide for balance, legs bent, I mean, he is literally using the tilting platform to increase his speed. This takes so much skill I'm super impressed! And he did this without even stopping to consider what he needed to do. He just did it.

Tifa's reaching for the ground, not Cloud, btw. I don't think she's noticed him yet – he's not quite in her field of vision – so she's attempting to save herself because she's not some damsel.

And if you think this screen was easy to get, you're wrong. I've literally never seen this bit of this scene before, it happens that quick! Cloud leaps without even being able to see if he's lined up with Tifa. This looks like an instinctive action from him. This isn't something he's been taught, this is all him wanting to protect Tifa and going above and beyond to do it.

To further reiterate the last screen, he's just leapt at her and hoped for the best. I mean, he could've knocked into her and sent her flying, but he got his arm around her, swung them both around and then shot a grappling hook all in one smooth action. This is definitely SOLDIER!Cloud in the driver's seat if anyone was wondering. There's no way our poor flawed real!Cloud could do this without second guessing himself. That's why he's got the false persona, so it'll give him confidence in situations like this to protect the woman he loves.

Cloud's totally focused in the moment and relying on Tifa to hang onto him now he's got her. For her part, I think she's a bit “wtaf where am I?” because everything happened so quickly. She's got her eyes squeezed shut, so she was clearly scared she was about to die.

Well, I was trying to grab a different shot that proved my point Tifa had her eyes closed and opened them when she heard the grappling gun fire, but this one's better. Yet another part of this fast paced scene that I didn't quite catch because it all goes by so quickly.

Cloud's got his arm around her waist, while she's clinging to his shoulder. To be fair, this isn't a very secure hold by either of them, but highlights the urgency of the moment. He's not been able to get her in a secure hold so he needs to get her to safety quickly.

Tifa's not even gripping him, which validates how quickly everything happened and how she's not caught up to what's going on. Not surprising, really. This all went by in milliseconds.

I honestly wasn't going to screen this either. It's the part where Barrett's line breaks, but I caught sight of Cloud and Tifa in the corner and thought why not? You'll see the hold still isn't that secure and Tifa's legs are all over the place. I will say it looks like she's got a tighter grip on his shoulder from this angle, so that's something. And...is Cloud’s hand splayed on her butt? I don’t wanna say yes, but the angle of his arm is suspicious.

And this is why Cloud's so damn good at what he does! Barrett's line snapped and he saw him falling from his peripheral vision! How on the ball is this guy?!?! Damn, with everything he does throughout Midgar and – we can assume -- beyond I honestly don't know how he can think he's not a hero. He is definitely a hero. Not a perfect one, but damn, he absolutely brings 110% to everything he does!

Omg Tifa's hold is worse than I thought! She's got her hand flat against his chest. I mean, at least grab hold of his shirt or something! She's barely holding onto him, so this is all him with his arm around her waist making sure she doesn't slip. I've gotta forgive her, I mean, it was quick action and I sure af wouldn't move anything in case I fell whatever the distance is between them and the ground lol

Even though Tifa's position is precarious af, Cloud's still relying on her to be his partner in this situation. He can't save Barrett, so she has to.

This is just a nice shot of how graceful they both are. Reminds me of when they're in the drum separately and Tifa and Aerith fall off the pipe – Tifa lands on her feet, Aerith lands on her face – and then Barrett and Cloud fall off a platform and Cloud lands on his feet and Barrett lands on his ass lol

It's telling that these two have similar balance and grace in a fight – probably why they combo so well.

And if I said the above screens were hard to get it's nothing on this one! This happened between one second and the next! I replayed it a million times to get that shot of Cloud going to put his hand on Tifa's back because I knew that's where he had one of them, but damn, if that wasn't boss level rewinding to get!

Okay, obviously the focus is saving Barrett here, and with that in mind the second Cloud's feet hit the ground he tosses the grappling gun to one side and goes to help Tifa haul him up. He puts one hand on her back and grabs her forearm with the other, lending her his strength and support.

And there's the proof in case anyone doubted my eye. That is Cloud's hand on Tifa's lower back. His other hand is gripping her forearm out of frame. I mean, does he need to have his hand there? Is that supportive in the context of the situation? Wouldn't it make more sense that he has his arm fully round her to stop her slipping? I know some of yall would be like “yes, that's better” from a ship pov, but from an action pov it does make more sense that he's got her in a firmer grip. It's almost like part of him doesn't want to make that closer contact because it's too intimate and he's trying to be professional. It's SOLDIER!Cloud basically. Mr “I keep my distance”. The guy who got them through that whole mess. Which does go to show that Cloud relies on that SOLDIER persona to save everyone's asses, but it also makes him more detatched. However, when there's no danger, he's more himself again.

I'd like to point out that if he'd actually had a better hold on Tifa, like I pointed out, she wouldn't have fallen over because Cloud would've been bracing her more. As it is she's on her ass and after checking Barrett's in one piece – quick look – Cloud's offering his hand to Tifa. We can't see his face in this moment, but we could guess there's an element of oops about him since it was kinda his fault she fell over.

Some quick banter and it's onto the Shinra building.

Conclusion:

Ofc this is an amazing action sequence! Everything happens so quickly that you definitely have to back and watch it again, pause it and examine everyone's faces and body language to really break down the sequence of events and motivations – besides rescue.

Cloud is definitely living up to the SOLDIER hype, even though he's never been one. I wonder how he got so skilled. Is this CC stuff? Or is he just going for broke and getting lucky? It says a lot that he'll just dive into whatever danger is around when Tifa's life is on the line. But, he also trusts her to come through in a pinch too. He just had to say her name and she got his meaning. That's some beautiful synchronisation from them. They're showing how much of a unit they are. Battle couples are one of my favourite tropes and that whole mind reader part of it is just perfection to me.

Even though this is a scene of SOLDIER!Cloud at his best, that side of him also knows he can trust Tifa to support him, and even while he's being all business there's part of him that still yearns to be close to Tifa and has to resist.

[sunsetsover]

i think ben has feelings for callum, not so sure callum has feelings for ben, i do think their maybe an attraction from callum end maybe before the i smell a queer scene, when ben said callum got looks and a sense of humour and is the full package and doesn't understand why he doesn't like himself, callum seemed a bit flustered by that. i think ben was intrigued from callum from the start, he introducing himself to callum, digs at callum/whitney and eyes on callum when went serve customer.

i kind of agree with you but also i kind of don’t. 

i absolutely agree that ben was intrigued w callum from the start, though idk if it was necessarily attraction? i think it was more curiosity than anything else, esp after he saw callum in the park w the bottle. callum puts out this air of a kind of happy-go-lucky guy that doesn’t have a care in the world that very few people have got to see past, and yet ben got to see through it almost straight away (accidentally, of course) and i think that contrast piqued ben’s interest. like since he came back ben is someone who likes to know people’s weaknesses so he knows which buttons to push, how to exploit ppl. it’s just the kind of person ben is. so i don’t think that intrigue was necessarily romantic/sexual at the start.

so like when ben said that at the car lot abt looks and a sense of humour etc i think that was him a) just being himself (i mean look at how he’s flirted w ewan, keanu etc, i think that’s just a part of his character now) but also b) him trying to sell that dodgy van on and get it off his hands bc he saw an easy target in callum. ben is a clever manipulator, and when he saw what was going on with the stuart/whitney situation, he exploited that in order to guilt callum into buying the van for whitney, thus getting rid of his problem. he didn’t really care what happened to callum after that, he just wanted the van gone. and he flirted w callum in order to try and disarm him, but also have a bit of a dig (’i can’t understand why you don’t like yourself’) bc that’s just the kind of guy ben is. and ofc callum got a bit flustered bc at the end of the day he is still a repressed gay man being flirted with by a openly gay man. but again, i don’t think really think there was anything between them at that point beyond ben’s curiosity and seeing callum as an easy target.

it’s when when callum had ben pinned, that seems to me when there was some kind of switch in callum that got flicked. it’s not like ben’s not attractive. and there was some serious sexual tension in that moment without either of them meaning for it to be there. and of course ben picked up on it and immediately makes a snarky remark (’i smell queer’). but i actually don’t think either of them are particularly that interested in each other even then. they just had a moment. (and!!! something i’ve not seen anyone talk about before is the fact that ben initially seems like he wants to help callum until he says ‘i ain’t nothing like that’, which is lowkey homophobic, and ben immediately switches and becomes defensive and vindictive. i think that’s really interesting bc that’s a pattern later on too - ben tries genuinely to help callum, some (usually homophobic, usually stuart/jonno based) bullshit happens and ben immediately backs off from callum and begins being cruel again. it’s something i haven’t seen anyone talk about!!!)

i think the first time feelings get somewhat involved is at the housewarming where ben tells callum abt paul. it’s then that callum realizes ben isn’t actually all bad, he’s just hurting and lashing out, and actually he has a surprising capacity for love underneath it all. and ben is obviously touched that callum stood there and heard him out and was kind to him even though he himself knew he probably didn’t deserve it. which is why he went out of his way to thank him the next morning - even though he was obviously very embarrassed and callum probably hadn’t been expecting it. that’s when both of them realize that actually, there’s more to this person than they had first thought. ben shows callum a lot more empathy and tries to be supportive after that (though he does flip flop but like i said, that’s usually linked to violent homophobia at the hands of callum’s family, which is absolutely understandable tbh), and callum is much more willing to sit and listen to what ben has to say. 

then obviously it all culminates with what happened at the park, which is why i don’t agree that ben has feelings but callum doesn’t. callum is obviously someone who takes sex and relationships very seriously. he was a virgin when he got w whitney, even though he had had something going on with chris (and i’m p sure he told whit he had had opportunities to have sex in the past but he didnt bc it didn’t feel right, which just emphasizes the point) - he clearly isn’t the type to just have sex with someone for the sake of having sex. i mean he literally said in the same episode if he has sex with someone, it has to mean something. i don’t think he would have had sex with ben had he not had some degree of feelings for him. callum obviously felt smth for ben by then, otherwise i highly doubt he ever would have gone there in the first place. and if he didn’t before, then he definitely does now. (that said, did callum call ben to the park that night knowing something was going to happen? idk. like i believe he just wanted to warn ben off, but he must have known deep down that there was a chance something might happen, surely.)

i guess you’re right though that ben is developing feelings more obviously than callum. i mean like callum is the first person in a long time who isn’t family that is showing him kindness, and he sees a lot of himself in him. like yes he has a lot of problems, and the situation with his dad, but he has a lot less going on in his head than callum rn. at least his sexuality is the one thing he doesn’t need to be confused abt anymore. bc callum is clearly still messed up and is trying to deal w his feelings towards whitney and his own sexuality and men in general and this desire to live a straight life and this thing with ben and now chris has come back too like?? he has a lot on his plate, bless him. ben isn’t his priority rn. but you only have to see at the way he looks at ben and how he reacts to ben’s name to know he feels Something. 

and i mean you know they’ve only hooked up once!! they barely know each other when u think abt it. there’s obviously something between them, but is it capital f Feelings?? maybe not? not yet at least. but obviously there’s Something. a lot of chemistry, a lot of potential. the beginnings of feelings. i mean if there wasn’t anything why would we all be here !!!!

but ofc you have your opinions and i have mine!!! we all interpret things differently, and obviously i like to hyper analyse Everything lmao :-)

[yvngbin]

hello i’m arriving to the party an entire day late and this is Not Surprising at All to anybody who knows me slightly well because i’m late to everything. said late writer is ya boy , felix  ! i’m 20, i use he / him pronouns, annnd you don’t wanna know about me, you want to know about actual Nerd incarnate , yongbin .

his stats are here ,  bio is being rewritten because my dumbass deleted it from my drive , and all i have left to say is that you can like this if you want me to message you on here or discord to plot instead, since i’m usually faster on there … usually …

note: talks of surgery / birth defects,  &  kinda nsfw

⦑ felix. / 20. / gmt. / he/him. ⦒ woah ! tell me i did not just see cho yong bin walk past us, they’re the child of the cho family right ? they’re twenty three now, so i wonder if they’re here training to become an anarchist hacker. i heard they’re really intuitive & vexatious, so i’d say stay away from them unless you really wanna try your luck. no wonder they’re so notorious though, with the face of byun baekhyun i’d be interested in them as well. anyway, back to what i was saying. - yongbin, pain in the ass, and his most common sobriquet, zero ( name’s inspired by binary code btw ) , was a self taught anarchist hacker , but he sure as hell hasn’t been doing it for free all this time. he’s immensely adept and writes concise code and thoroughly enjoys annoying people and wreaking havoc in that precise order.

- hacker is kind of a blanket term, bin’s speciality was in blackmail, identity theft, exploiting vulnerabilities in various networks and systems, and causing all sorts of chaos online. when he was younger and before he was intimately familiar with the academy, he offered out his services to online rebel groups ( both good and bad ) and wasn’t officially apart of any system or group.

- this was subject to change a few years later when he was caught out on a slight mistake tracing back to his ip, assessed by an official representative of the school, who was impressed by his abilities and offered him an ultimatum: to join the academy or go to a detention camp.

- behind the screen bin was born with a pretty serious congenital heart defect. he needed surgery to survive, if only temporarily. every ten years or so, he’d have to do the same, with more or less no guarantee that they would all be successful. ( i would like to think that when he joined the academy some sort of technology maestro has helped him w / his respiratory issues so lmk if there’s a potential plot link there )

- bin is also an orphan who went through a very jaded system . he never knew his parents and frankly doesn’t care to know them, but little does he know that they have been tracing him from birth and were the sole reason why he got his place in the first place, ultimately unable to take care of him when their careers, both arms dealers, were too dangerous for a kid. his craft and experiences with life has made him instinctively cynical about his parents’ generation so like.. trusting an institution full of teachers their age was not and would never have been an ‘ideal’ for him. 

- his part time job used to be at a pc repair shop and he liked working there a lot, most people would question why he’d ultimately then go on to ruin a life he was happy with just to constantly risk getting into trouble. yongbin’s answer ? Because he’s Chaotic Neutral Thats Why

- socially, surprisingly unlike how most hackers are portrayed as nerds w sellotape on their glasses n a pocket protector ( he has a pocket protector but thats besides the point ) zero is outgoing in school and onwards, liked seeing what other people were interested in, pushing boundaries and keeping up with his friends just by listening and absorbing information.

- he isn’t exactly well liked, because his brain to mouth filter malfunctioned a lot of times which caused friction, But he definitely knows how to make and maintain friendships if you can handle him vanishing off the face of the earth and replying to your text from two weeks ago at 4 am like wyd

PERSONALITY

- zero’s life has mostly been not very fun, and he definitely realises this, but he’s not really the type to sit around and cry about it. mostly, he tries to take it with a stiff upper lip and a good sense of humour. he’s snarky and dry and enjoys getting into cyber-wars with other comp nerds in his limited friendship group. he definitely also enjoys sending lil viruses to other ppl in hearst just to let you know just how much your firewall sucks

- he’s got a real bad habit of getting wayyy in over his head with things. he’s like, a lil bit of a troublemaker — a back-talking, muttering under his breath, sneaking into places he shouldn’t, kind of troublemaker, but nothing too offensive. however, he sometimes gets into Actual Trouble because he makes the world’s worst choices and follows the world’s worst people’s advice. his personal motto is, “oh fuck. why?”

- he can be affectionate and immensely appreciative of anyone who’s genuinely kind toward him, even if his pride won’t let him come right out and say so. he’s p creative and resourceful — definitely can think you out of a pinch, even if he’s not so great at solving his own shit.

- friend wise, he’s attentive and thoughtful; sharp as a tack, funny as anything, and would totally rather help you out with your problems than get into deep discussions about his because opening that big ol book of issues is not gonna be fun for Anybody - romantically he’s inwardly pansexual for a long while but to people around him that probably.. wouldn’t be that big of a surprise. don’t talk to him about real love though he really is a computer machine with 0 emotions in that realm

tinie headcanon list because ive been slowly gathering them in my head for Days

-  has a handful of piercings on his ears , but the one he’s known for most is his labret piercing

- has a chameleon called cookie and donates to a dog shelter wherein his favourite stray dog ( known as flash ) lives. and yes he’s naming them after computer terms. no he wont Reconsider

- proud owner of 1 terabyte of hentai stored on his external hard drive that he’d gladly d*e for n is not ashamed of it in the slightest this zone is kink shame free !!!!

- loves to go exploring around the grimier parts of the academy and places you rlly wouldn’t expect him to be to clear his mind. abandoned classrooms, warehouses, etc.

- talk to him about conspiracy theories about alien life forms for a friend

- has absolutely awful hand eye co-ordination despite it playing in to a big part of their training so just know he’s probably dying first, or just teach him to throw a punch and not somehow hurt himself ? Blease

- sticks his tongue out while he’s hacking or doing anything that requires concentration. can’t multi-task and will ignore everything in his general surroundings to give 110 percent to whatever he’s doing.

- is a scorpio so sorry u cant trust anything he says i dont make the rules the astrological gods do

that’s all i’ve got up to now and i hope this gives you a bit of background into what he’s about. i think i’ll finish here before i write more trash so [ hacker voice ] im out

[asherlockstudy]

Pls ignore if u dont wanna discuss!I find it interesting you see link as a 'strategic thinker' when I feel like alot of ppl think the opposite(to the point of ytcomments calling him slow/an idiot/on the spectrum).Tho I think alot of his wideeyed goofiness is put on, I put part of awkward stuff said down to not considering implications before talking. Theres even an old video where he talks about how he could reveal something embarrassing at any time and it's part of his personality hes had to ow

Yeah, I know, it’s a rather unusual viewpoint but I stick sooooo hard to it! However, please note that I’m not at all confident about the way I explained my points here. What follows is: 

An unnecessarily long essay on how Link Neal’s mind works that makes me worry about myself because honestly why did I even write all this and I am not at all sure I know what I’m talking about, sorry

First of all, those who think Link is an idiot need to pay more attention. Link is probably the control freak (to avoid the term “Big Boss” that would be unfair for Rhett) behind their successful corporation and this takes something more than a slow guy. He could be close to what you can call “on the spectrum”, with his systems and OCD and all, but people with Asperger’s are usually very intelligent anyway. I think Link has these systems mostly for psychological reasons though, the routine makes him feel safer. 

Anyway, most of his silly moments are made up for laughs like you said and his ability to confuse the audience as to whether he ‘s trully that silly is technically another success on his part, although I feel he’s getting tired of this role lately. 

When Link chooses a stupid answer in a quiz or makes a foolish choice in a game, there is usually a pattern of two explanations:

He often provides a perfect reasoning and then inexpicably goes for the wrong answer / choice, which proves he’s trying to lose in order to get punished for entertaining purposes. He sometimes is in the lead and suddenly gives bonus points to Rhett or something, so there is higher probability for him to lose or, even better, both of them to get punished. On average, if it can’t be ideally both of them, Link subtly tries to be the one getting the punishment. Perhaps he considers his own reactions more dramatic (they usually are) and therefore funnier. In short, Link prefers to get in trouble as long as he provides an entertaining product. It’s a conscious decision that he hides behind silliness. On the contrary, if Rhett can avoid a punishment, he will do so because Rhett often sets as a priority to not look like an idiot.

He genuinely made a stupid choice. Thanks to his hobbies and interests, Rhett is more well-rounded and knowledgeable than Link but if you take the occurences of explanation #1 out of the equation, the ratio of the times Link is being stupid to the times Rhett is gets significantly smaller. Of couse, being less knowledgeable has nothing to do with quick / strategic thinking. 

Speaking of quick thinking, Link tends to be wittier than Rhett. Not that Rhett isn’t incredibly witty already but I think Link is as much and slightly more. 

In the rare occasion of serious discussions, there are two other possibilities:

Link usually tries to make light of every single conversation (eg in Ear Biscuits), stuck to the fact that they are supposed to be a comedic duo, which isn’t always a guaranteed success and sometimes even generates awkwardness. Rhett doesn’t do that and since he also is the one who usually provides information / knowledge, he comes off as more intelligent and mature without this being necessarily the case. 

When Link is 100% serious about something, he’s very different. His stature is different, his facial expressions are different, his eyes become more piercing, even his voice gets deeper. It’s not like Link is a psycho but there are some extremes in his personality and he is usually good at keeping each extremity for where it’s supposed to be. His childish side is ideal for GMM. In rare serious discussions with Rhett on GMMores etc, I find myself agreeing with Link most of the time and despite Rhett’s confidence that he knows Link like the back of his hand, I feel Link actually understands Rhett on an even deeper level than Rhett does. I also think he’s more self aware than Rhett and just knows both of themselves better than Rhett. On the other hand, Rhett is better at manipulating a conversation to his benefit and frequently oozes so much certainty on his argument that Link ends up in the losing side because he knows convincing Rhett otherwise is a challenge and he just gives up. For a long time I instictively thought Rhett was on the right because he gives off this impression of always being right. But when I started paying more attention, I started getting Link’s points more and more. In short, Link is a thoughtful guy ;) whenever he’s given the chance to show it (almost never, sadly). 

Now that I expanded on this which wasn’t even what you exactly wanted me to discuss originally, let’s go to your ask in particular. (I just felt I needed to explain first why I don’t consider Link slow.) 

As I already mentioned, Link has some extremities in his personality. He is impulsive and emotional which means his emotions drive his actions before his brain can stop him. When he’s angry or very excited or feels sarcastic or anything really, he will just blurt out whatever’s on his mind. But that doesn’t mean Link does not understand what he is talking about, it just means he doesn’t have a good filter on his mouth and at the moment he does not care to have one either. 

There might be a paradox about Link - although he strikes me as an extrovert, he is actually not particularly socially skilled. But social awkwardness has little to do with intelligence as a whole (there is what we call social intelligence of course) and it is more common than not for intelligent people to be socially awkward and generate many weird moments. Then again, Link is very sensitive in awkwardness or inappropriate remarks or insults when it’s someone else doing it (not necessarily to him) which makes me think that he has a perfect understanding of what he says too at all times, only he’s usually bursting too much with enthusiasm, fury, hurt, irony or love to keep his mouth shut effectively. In occasions when he feels uncomfortable, another extremity of his is severe anxiety and he feels so much pressure to improve the situation that he will try to say anything to alleviate the moment which inevitably leads to failure quite often. I think that’s what happens in his personal awkward moments. 

In GMM, in all these lovely moments when Link says something that makes us go “What on earth did he say again?”, like 85% of it, Link is perfectly super-absolutely aware of what he’s saying. Extremely aware. Like the “meat flap” to Stevie. He’s also angry in that video which explains his boldness. Or even the “Your wife can hang out with me anytime” to Rhett. I start suspecting he was even playing up a bit his shocked reaction after the Newsical kiss with Rhett. That’s how gloriously evil I consider him

The rest is because of emotions and an even looser filter since Link knows that there are no really bad implications that can occur during GMM unless, I dunno, he says something really horrible which he doesn’t really do. I mean, Rhett may say something extremely awkward more rarely but it usually can be even worse or more hurtful than whatever Link says. 

Last but not least, Link is the epitome of clumsiness. This contributes to the idea of him being foolish, although they are not really correlated, if anything, it’s just a stereotype. His brain also tends to get stuck to a certain thing which makes him  oblivious to anything else for the time being but I seriously doubt it is as much of a deal as Rhett makes it to be. Technically this is filtering of what matters to him, at least in his case.

But when Link is not a rollercoaster of emotions and feels relaxed or has already processed something and is confident about it, that’s when the strategic thinking comes up and I seriously think he’s unbeatable.  I think Rhett has a more relatable kind of intelligence and he is clever in pretty much everything more or less whereas Link can be absolutely ignorant in what he doesn’t care about but can easily rip everyone apart in any field he shows an interest in and that is beneficial for him (management, finances, marketing, humour, entertainment, acting, psychology, yes, psychology, remember Sheena who said he has amazing empathy and he is the leader? Sheena knew what she was talking about). And probably many other fields of interest I don’t know about but all these need a good strategic brain. Link channels his intelligence in certain ways, probably for efficiency, and his way of thinking is also a bit peculiar which might estrange initially but he’s veeeeeeeeeeeeeeery clever underneath this carefully constructed persona. And underneath that soft cookie there is a much more challenging man to deal with. And underneath that divine calming smile there is a hell of emotions, good mixed with bad. I think he’s a very intense person. 

I find him so fascinating that he almost scares me. There is a small chance he fascinates me so much that I straight up imagine things about him but honestly I think I may be right about at least a few of these. He’s definitely much smarter than most people think he is, let’s leave it at that XD

[frdknsll-blog]

imagine the most serious character you know

now imagine them getting scared by the toaster going off as they walk by

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ joel kinnaman + male + he/his — have you met ford kinsella? they are thirty eight years old known around town as the bodyguard. they’ve been in the gang life for fifteen years, and currently work for the gang as a soldier. they are a pansexual virgo, which means they are practical + observant, as well as harsh + inflexible. rusty metal crow bar, beech forest in the winter, messages on read.

BIO:

born in valdez. his crackhead mom named him ford because she found him in the boot of a ford fiesta whilst she was robbing it. he was a one way ticket to claim some golden benefits.

had a string of men come in and out of their home like a revolving door who were just as bad as her or worse. ford was still protective of his mum, despite all her shit, and he paid for it.

grew up in a lil trailer park in some dodgy area. a real small community. guy ritchie snatch vibes. he heard stories of kids at school playing ball in the garden but the kids from the trailers fought each other for fun.

he only knew the difference bc he actually went to school. occasionally. he enjoyed learning and thought he’d be able to get on the right path. rip. kept to himself at school, quiet. never threw the first punch but his first was always the last.

the community attempted to overthrow the ‘monsters’ that controlled valdez. stupid.

resulted in one big throw down betw the two groups on ford’s home ground. by the time the caito’s gang were finished - mind you it didn’t take them long - the majority of the ppl ford grew up with were either dead, in the back of police cars, or on the run...

at the age of nineteen, he was thrown into jail. had already gone to juvie a few times. after he’d established his reputation as someone that didn’t like being started on bc it meant he had to finish them? it wasn’t too bad. he got to read, smoke, and read more.

one night, he’d saved the life of a guy who’d been cornered by some inmates. turns out he was the son of a guy pretty high up in the gang. he offered a ‘get out of prison’ card to ford but he declined. the outside world didn’t appeal to him.

until news reached him that the gang had found his girlfriend. immediately he asked to be let out. it took a while but by the time he got out things weren’t how he expected.

she was too far gone. a splitting image of his mother. when he found out that they had a kid, and that the kid was no where to be found, he thought it’d be the end of their relationship. but he couldn’t bring himself to give up on her.

she was a hooker and he’d spent his days trying to protect her, save her from herself. until one day it all got too much and he drove himself mad. a customer laid hands on her and ford murdered him.

caito and his gang came to ford’s protection. but everything came at a price. he began working for the gang officially and it only felt natural to do so - he couldn’t find a job anywhere else, and since his release he’d been doing small jobs to get by here and there.

she died from an overdose not long after. we don’t talk about it.

now he mostly works as a guard to the escorts/strippers. and the odd job here and there during the day. he prefers working on his own.

PERSONALITY:

he’s not angry. or sad. or anything. he’s just tired and pretty over it.

not a man of many words. talks with his eyes and incoherent grumbles: stop talking, step away, can you pass me the salt, this coffee is too hot, do you want my jacket, are you okay...

one cool, calm, collected, callous, cold c*nt. all the c’s. oh and a clean freak.

doesn’t get drunk, doesn’t do drugs. what a bore. v strict with himself. has a set of rules and sticks to them, expects others to do the same or at least respect them.

v patient but has zero tolerance. no manners, raised by rabid dogs lbr.

has a 2g phone. seriously a granddad. likes quiet, peace, serenity. wants to get things done as quickly and as cleanly as possible. doesn’t actually like having to resort to violence but it’s rly the only thing he knows.

likes wood carving. has a collection of ornaments he’d carved. honestly would probably even like knitting if he’d give it a chance tbh.

has just learned to detach himself from everything. lowkey dissociating half the time. honestly has no sense of humour.

super private. u aint gettin anything out from him about his past or personal life. loljk he has no personal life.

POTENTIAL PLOTS:

he doesn’t rly have friends. ppl he’s used to maybe. ppl who understands he likes his space and the way he works. fellow soldiers that just like to get the job done? not sure how long that’ll last bc we lov begrudging friendships in this house.

pls gimme ppl that will annoy the heck out of him. leon and matilda vibes. he’s a baby sitter lbr.  

he ain’t no ho but he still got needs. one night stands onli. feel like he used 2 fuck ppl in the gang but has made a rule not to anymore cos he cbf for messiness. (we’ll see)

someone that is able to get him to him maybe? bring out the fire in him, make him lose his shit bc when he does he loses his control. and he likes being in control of himself. hence no drinking 2 much.

enemies - anyone who’s a bit psycho and trigger happy, he ain’t gonna get on with u. i feel like he’s sent on jobs to keep them lot in check. 

someone that can actually get him to talk? they could have nice simple random conversations about absolutely nothing but will take a certain character (iono what that is yet pls i’m useless)

if you’ve made it this far then i’m sorry. it’s obvious i just have no idea whAT IM DOIN AND IONO Y U CARRY ON WIT THIS MESS OF A RAMBLE.

if u wanna plot like this post and i’ll message u :D or if u wanna message me first that’s grand too >:))))

[darkmatterxafricanempires]

so

There’s this older dude in my life, never met him he’s more of a mentor-figure. Was introduced to him through an uncle, he’s like a family-friend uncle (black ppl you may be familiar, random adults introduced in your life from childhood and beyond and they’re your play uncles and aunties more so out of respect versus a familial obligation). 

Anyways, he’s a nice guy, we only chat through what’s app, he’s a professor at a university. I’ve been kind of lost on what I want to do for a career (had a plan, saw plan through, did not like end game...twas public relations, and it just wasn’t my jam). 

I talked to him on the phone first, he suggested public administration, lots of transferable skills and fulfilling job opportunities. I check out some programs, and do some research and I’m like cool, I think I’d like this. Mentor-uncle helps me with my application, revising, editing and making suggestions. I apply to the program and I get in. 

FF about a year later, (present-day ish) the program is near the end and I’m still unclear on what to do professionally. I know what I don’t want to do, but my exact vision is unclear (it’s not that it’s unclear, it’s just unconventional, and I’m still conceptualizing how to execute it). 

Mentor-uncle doesn’t live in close by, he’s about 5hr drive and 1hr plane ride away. He’s visiting where I live for a board meeting. My mother suggests I meet up with him to discuss more career aspirations, I’m like “nah.” He’s done a lot to help me, but I feel like he doesn’t have much to offer me now. 

He reaches out to me directly and lets me know he’s going to be in town, I already knew this of course, but I felt obligated (guilt induced by being child of immigrant parents, whatever) so I offer to pick him up from the airport, grab a bite to eat, and drop him off at his hotel. 

Kinda going above and beyond, I know, but he really helped me w/ my shitty application, and I’m 92% I would not have been admitted to my program without his help. So it’s my own way of saying thanks, and balancing the playing field, and repaying this debt to him I’ve created in my head. 

So everything’s set, I’m gonna be his uber driver for a lil bit. Signals get slightly crossed, he’s arriving at an airport that a lot further out of my way but closer to his hotel. I’m running a bit behind (leaving from school which is north-er, his airport is downtown a lot more south), so to avoid missing his check-in time he calls a cab, and takes that to his hotel. Annoying (bc I arrive the airport 5mins after he leaves) but understandable bc he wants to secure his room.

He asks me meet to him at his hotel instead, we can grab dinner and part ways from there, cool. Meet him at his hotel, for the first time in person. All is well, he’s nice in-person. He grabs his stuff we ask the ppl at the front desk for a suggestion, bing bang boom. We end up at this cute 24-hour cafe restaurant. Dinner is relatively nice, he’s a middle-aged, well-educated african man, a little self-involved and pompous but not obnoxiously so.

Not to toot my own horn, but I have a great sense of humour, a lot would say I’m funny in fact. And I can be a little bit of flirt, but more in a compliment you on a random aspect of your life kind of charming way, like some pg-13 flirting maybe G, not the AA and/or rated-X kind. Unless I’m trying to go that route yaaaaaa dig 👀👀. 

Anyways, dinner was IMO quite platonic, plus mentor-uncle has a wife and a kid back in the motherland, so there are no romantic or sexually driven thoughts or feelings running through my head at alllllllllll (plus I’m maaaad gay, so nah).

Red flag #1 

I think (there may have been others, but I’m not sure). I’ve parked my car right across from his hotel, in a green p (toronto slang for a paid parking garage, not really slang bc that’s what they’re called). We walk past this green p and continue onwards to his hotel (retrospect: should’ve taken that moment to just say bye, go to my car, and dip home) 

We’re walking into his hotel, my internal dialogue is on overdrive (I’ve done my good deed for the night, there’s really nowhere else I see this evening going). We get back to him room, I go sit down in one of the 2 chairs by the tv and he lays down in his bed. (red flag #1.5) 

Red flag #2 

he says, “why don’t you come and lay down with me and we can talk here.” I’m like, “Nooooo.” Pretty insistently, because, no. He keeps probing, saying it’s a king-size bed there’s plenty of room for the two of us to just lay down and talk. I’m still very strong in my no’s and I say I’m fine where I am. 

So admittedly I should’ve taken this opportunity for to make a swift exit, clearly he thinks this evening can end with us in bed, and there’s no way I’m letting that happen. So there’s bit of a silence and I’m thinking of all the ways I can leave abruptly without being extremely rude (and I hate it so much, that I’m concerned with being rude, when he’s being the penultimate rude boy inviting me to his bed to “talk.”

Red-flag #2.5-3 

He gets out of his king-sized to sit in the chair next to mine, by the TV. He doesn’t read too much in to my rebuttals, instead shows me the agenda for his board meeting the next morning, *yawn*. He’s wondering what’s on TV, it’s late-ish, we’re watching Stephen Colbert with Anna Wintour and some next guy looking at ancient catholic artifacts, in relation to the met gala. 

Whatever, it ends we’re now watching James Corden. He’s got Zlattan on as a guest, some really famous arrogant european soccer player. So I’m just plotting my polite exit strategy in my head, and after some fortune teller segment, I’m like “So I’m going to leave now.” He’s all like “it’s sooo late, you don’t have to leave. Just the spend the night, I’ve got this king-size bed...there’s plenty of room” etc. And again, I’m like “Nooooo that’s fine, I’m going leave.”

He’s really pushy on me spending the night, I’m equally pushy saying no that’s fine. He goes on to say, “So you’re really going to leave me here all alone, all by myself.” Some super manipulative bullshit like that, and I’m like “Yes, yes I am going to do exactly that.” The vibes were never threatening or violent, just persistent, creepy and overbearing. So he accepts my answer and was like, “Can I least get a hug since you’re leaving me.” And I know sooo many women, probably even some men even have dealt with this reverse-psychology mindfuckery. And again, I should’ve declined but I felt bad, strangely guilty even though I had no real reason to be. 

I obliged gave him a hug, I was super tense. And it was pretty short, then as we’re exiting the room, he asks for a real hug, I again stupidly oblige, still super tense and it’s this horribly long uncomfortable hug where he proceeds to feel up my back and sides. And I’m just horrified, feeling so frozen and gross, but perfectly able to end this one-sided grope session. I can see our reflection behind him in a mirror, and I look disgusted with him and myself for continuing this for no good reason. 

He pulls back, looks me in the eye and leans for a gross closed mouth uncle kiss, I tense up, and deer in headlights just allow this unwanted kiss to happen, my mouth scrunched up in utter disgust. He pulls a back again and repeats, and again I just allow this to happen. “Whyyyyyyyyyyy!!???!?” I’m screaming at myself in my mind. Finally this awkward ass embrace ends, I feel even more disgusted, again with myself for non-verbally consenting to this shit through my inaction. And with him, at thinking this was okay at any point in time ever. 

He gives me a smile, I know I’ve got some kind of grimace-y forced smile on my face, and I’m super expressive especially in my facial reactions so theres no way I look okay/content/happy.

So he walks me to my car at the green p, and insists that we need to see each other again before leaves. I, still being the well-mannered, respectful, “gracious” young lady, say “probably not, but we’ll see” bc we’re both busy the next day, and he flies out the following morning. In my mind screaming at myself, why are you still keeping up appearances with this fucking piece of shit garbage face man.

We say our goodbyes, I speed off and that’s it for our encounter. I’m driving home, sad AF, just really really really disappointed in myself for letting it even get that far. So i’m just casually crying and driving home and that’s the end of that tale. 

I just felt so stupid, and gross, and just like I got played. And I’m just so upset with him for even trying that bullshit on me. Our exchanges have been the utmost of platonic, and for him to suggest or assume anything otherwise is just so predatory and gross. 

I suppose I’m really thankful because this whole situation could have sooooooooooo much worse, like a lot worse if he was a violent man. But strangely (and fucked-upedly), if he was more aggressive I would have felt so much more justified in acting more brash, maybe being more of a bitch, and really actually standing my ground wholeheartedly. 

I dunno this happened just last evening, like just over 24hrs ago (May 10th), so I’m still processing but I do feel a lot better about the whole situation, but still uber gross. 

This is a super long post, so 3 cheers if you made it through. 🙃

I journaled about it too the night of and that kind of helped. And I debriefed with my dad the following morning. He was surprisingly supportive and very understanding. I love my dad, but he’s the same guy who believes men should have multiple wives bc what’s a husband to do for sex after wife #1 has a baby...

But he made me feel better when he told me he hates when ppl especially men do things like this, and take advantage of women/the situation. With everything going on with the #metoomovement you’d think men in positions of power would be more cautious, he even stated this.. Although, he did ask me if I gave any signs or signals to encourage his behaviour (and I ran through the entire situation myself in my head, several times, thinking the same. Did I give off any vibes or behaviour to promote this? And I truly didn’t. Besides being friendly, naaaah. Which is still no excuse for him at all).  

My dad said I should confront him, and tell him how he made me feel. I just wanted to block him and pretend like he never existed. I found a happy medium and told him via what’s app, that he made me feel extremely uncomfortable and said that it was in no way my intention to lead him on if I had. He tried calling me back immediately after a few times, but I wasn’t ready to talk, so I ignored the calls. 

I tried calling him back several hours later (roughly 11ish hours later) bc 1) I’m kinda petty AF and wanted him to stew in his feelings like I had for hours 2) bc I did deserve an apology and maybe just some perspective on WTF he was thinking and where or what was he acting from.

He didn’t pick up and I’m high-key super grateful he didn’t, bc although I’m not horrible at it. But confrontation isn’t my strong suit. 

TL;DR: mentor figure betrays trust through unwanted sexual advancements and suggestions

[wewalkadifferentpath]

let’s play 20 questions~!

@some-thrilling-heroics​ is “taking a swing at making one of those ask meme thingies~!” so here I am doing another one of these lol but this one seems rad so we’ll see

Top 5 things you love about yourself: ohhh snap uhm 1. my sense of humour 2. my drive to make the world better 3. my identities and experiences that have made me more compassionate (ie. bipolar, being ace, panic disorder, chronic health issues- as much as I hate them all most days, they’ve made be better and kinder, and I can’t help but appreciate that) 4. my love of learning things! 5. my obsession with stories (real people’s and fictional, hearing and creating)

What is the sweetest, nicest thing someone could ever do for you? I think just paying attention to details means a lot to me, particularly around things that I need support with. Like today my dad got me an ace hoodie for Christmas, which was lovely, or when my friends are aware of when I need support for my dissociation, etc.

Do you like hugs? I LOVE hugs from people I’m comfortable with. I’m kind of touch-opposed when it’s someone I’m not comfortable with (and it doesn’t actually exclusively matter how well I know the person, it’s just what kind of relationship I have with them or the vibe) but I’m getting better with hugs from strangers and stuff 

A library or a carnival? ohhhh snap you gotta pull my two weaknesses eh... library, I guess, just because I’m more lowkey in my dissociated old age lol, but both

Do you have any recurring themes in your dreams? Reality not being real, or being unreliable, etc. (that’s why friggen Stiles’s storyline in teen wolf triggered the frick outta me). Also sometimes dreams about feeling truly, genuinely comfortable and “myself” around someone, usually someone made up or a personality imposed on an acquaintance’s appearance, though those are infrequent. 

 Favorite song this year/month/whatever: I’ve been listening to both Say You Won’t Let Go and Take Me Home on repeat this month (also apparently this decided to start numbering from 1 again after the “read more”? so like? just pretend this is 6).

What mythical/fairy tale/supernatural creature would you like to be and why? ooh an elf, I think it’d be cool af. Or something with magic I guess? but that’s a lot of work lol 

Your top 3 OT3: oohhhh uhh Malec, Arthur/Guinevere, and Sterek. Oh and Raphael x happiness lol

Your top 3 fictional friendships: Raphael and Magnus (though that’s sort of family), Merlin and Arther, Caroline and Stephen (Vampire Diaries) 

You come home late one day and find a vampire hiding in your bathroom, what do you do? Tell tumblr lmao

Top 5 favorite books: oh goosshhh uhm She Comes Undone by Wally Lamb, the entire Pendragon series, the second LOTR book, Among the Hidden, Dancing Through the Snow (the book that made me go into social work) (most of these are books I read as a kid that I still love and read today)

What’s your go to solution when you’re sad? Hide under a warm blanket and drink tea? I don’t get “sad” so often anymore as just hella dissociated/anxious/whatever else so idk, what even are coping mechanisms? 

A castle or a cottage in the woods? Cottage in the woods! Castles are cool but creepy af

A trope you wish was used more often: Someone learning to trust touch/physical affection (either for the first time, or after a trauma, or bc they’ve associated it with lust/violence, etc) (probably bc it’s something I’ve had to learn personally, and I think it’s an important skill to teach people who have a touch-repulsed or distrustful person in their life bc things would have been easier for me if people knew how to do that correctly)

A trope you’re tired of: The “I think you’re a real person deserving of respect despite x,y, and z, give me a medal- oh and that’s the same thing as love” crap. Aka the only thing people being able to say about Alec’s love for Magnus is that he loves him “in spite of his heritage” etc. Gross. 

What character(s) would you like to have as a romm-mate(s) and why? oohhh any of them... Alec would be salty and hilarious, lol. Stiles would be cool! I think Caroline would be fun too as like a university roomie. 

Any unusual headcanons? I think Derek from Teen Wolf is ace, or at least demi. That’s not that uncommon, but. I also headcannon Magnus as someone who doesn’t always trust the intentions of physical touch, especially non-sexual touch like cuddling, and I think he’s probably a little touch starved and so is Raphael so they probably low-key kind-of-snuggle while watching dramas together and stuff, lol. 

Do you have a pet and if not, would you like one? My family has a cat, Willy Nelson :) I’ve kind of always wanted a fish but alas, I’m cheap, lazy, and feel bad for fish in small bowls. 

Do you change your favorite color or do you stick with one? I believe favourite colours are usually linked to core personality, or at least desired personality. Mine was teal FOREVER, but as I matured and grew more calm, somewhere along the line it became pale green/soil brown and that’s where it’s chilled for a few years now. 

Alcohol or chocolate? Neither? My physiology is too sensitive now. Alcohol I guess, lol. 

tag 10 ppl when you’re done I do NOT know 10 people you haven’t already tagged, lol. uhh @sebtea​ you do it, and @child-of-the-sea-and-sky​ and @iactlikegarfieldonamonday​ I guess if you want to? 

[wayneooverton]

All the mean, nasty and godawful hateful things people say to me online

Guys, why do people troll on the internet? Why are blogger hate comments a thing? Let this be the philosophical question of the day. Please, god, why? WHY? WHY?

And of all the people, why me? I’m a perfectly innocent little travel blogger over here, just minding my own business. The purpose of this blog is to inspire people to travel, what is so confronting about that? Move along. Why can people be so mean to me online? I don’t get it. I’m lovely, alright?

Just kidding. Sometimes I’m a shit stirrer. I stir the pot on purpose. If I see something I think is wrong, I say it. Also, god did not see fit to gift me with grace or tact. I am really good at regularly putting my foot in my mouth, often publicly. I also don’t know when to back away. And I’m cynical. Is this a recipe for a well-loved image? I’m not quite sure.

At least I’m real, right? Of all my flaws at least I like to think I’m authentic, the only truly honest blogger in a sea of vapid, shallow fools.

Stop talking, Liz. Like right now.

Anyways, it’s no secret, I get mean comments on the regular, so regular in fact that I have been doing annual round ups of the best mean comments I get every single year since 2012. I know I’m shamefully overdue on this post. I completely missed 2016.

2016 was an intense year for me, and when it came down to digging through comments looking for the horrible ones, I just couldn’t bring myself to go down that particular roller coaster. It was also the first year I started to get death threats. I just wasn’t in the mood. Can you forgive me?

Hate comments aren’t a novelty to me anymore, and they haven’t been for a long time. I’ve gotten tens of thousands of comments over the years, with a small percentage of them being ugly, and I’ve learned to just let them slide by in a giant wave of pity – I truly for sorry for anyone that takes the time to hate me so much online. Also, I’m probably laughing at you.

The best hate I got in 2015

The best hate I got in 2014

The best hate I got in 2013

The best hate I got in 2012

Also, I’ve really just stopped paying attention when people troll me; five years of regular trolls has given me armor. I went from being a delicate rose who bruised easily to a goddamn rhino. Go on, try and say something to mean to me. It can hardly be any worse that what I’ve gotten before.

And to be honest, it’s the same shit day in and day out. You’re privileged (yeah I know), you’re entitled (no I am not, thank you), you travel off your daddy’s money (HA, if you only knew…), you’re ugly, you’re fat, you’re stupid, you swear too much, you’re a know it all, you do this why don’t you do that, blah blah blah it never fucking ends.

Honestly, I yearn for the creative insults. I think my trolls have gotten lazy. Where’s the witty banter? The colorful backhanded comments? The passive aggressive DMs? They’ve disappeared into regular grammatically ugly “what a c*nt” and “how is this blog even popular” lazy comments. I mean for fuck’s sakes guys, if you’re gonna come for me, try a little.

But I digress. Back by popular demand, I’ve taken the time to dig through my work and find the best of the best blogger hate comments, the most entertaining, the ugliest, the cruelest, the worst hate comments I get just for you. Because at the end of the day, the only way we can deal with this BS is just to laugh. You’re welcome. Enjoy.

1. The most popular Facebook comment in response to an article about how I built my career in blogging

And if she wasn’t a young blond with a penchant for putting out to old men she’d be working at Officeworks for $15/hr

I want to start an argument about feminism here but just can’t be fucked.

2. And the second most liked comment on the same article 

The only thing worse than a human that resembles a vacuous opportunistic sponge is the plethora of parasites that aspire to be just that.

Just so we’re clear, I’m the sponge and you’re the parasite in this allegory.

3. Writing about how Jane Goodall inspires me to be better with conservation

You are not an “activist for saving the planet.” The number of flights you take each year creates more carbon emissions that most of us create in our LIVES. If you actually cared about the environment you would travel solely by bike and public transport with an occasional flight, not dozens of international flights a year. Get a grip.

I mean, fair point. I’d love some tips about biking overseas from the island of New Zealand where I live.

4. I really hate it when people don’t get sarcasm online on my how to cheat on Instagram

Teaching young people that life depends on Instagram. Thats great and people were wondering what was happening to our decaying society. Telling them that their popularity will increase if they sell their sexuality too. Wow what a true feminist you are. Pathetic. The whole millennial generation is going to be morally bankrupt.

I just facepalmed so hard.

5. Speaking of Instagram…

Not to be rude, just honest, but I noticed your photos have extremely low engagement for “168K” followers. I wonder if the companies who pay you notice this.

Guys, I’m literally one of the ONLY people who doesn’t cheat on Instagram! That’s why my engagement isn’t out of this world. But thanks for pointing that out.

6. That one time I wrote that Central Otago is one of the only regions in New Zealand that has four distinct seasons (which is true)

Seriously? The only region in New Zealand that experiences four distinct seasons? You need to travel more and drink less Pinot. I’m not even sure how I got your spam mail, but I live here, not just a FIFO tourist. If you want to trade travel stories, I’m sure you’ll lose.

You can’t make me drink less Pinot!!!! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!

7. When I wrote a million years ago about things that I hate that people do on airplanes

Sounds like a person who wrote the original article needs more than Ambien. probably could use some Xanax and some Prozac also. when you travel on a plane you know there is also something called other human beings. Get a grip. judging by your photo, You’re not that cute or anything special…..

Hope you find the help you need.

Kisses!

You know, funny story. One time in Bangkok I went to a pharmacy to get some sleeping pills for upcoming long haul flights – sometimes in Southeast Asia I can get strong sleeping pills over the counter. They gave me Xanax, no questions asked. Best flight ever. In fact, imagine if Xanax was provided on all long-haul flights. Who do I need to speak to about this?

8. Any time I provoke the vegans, one of my favorite pastimes 

Me: writes thousands of words about wildlife, travel, sustainable tourism practices or about anything really

All of the vegans: You should consider going vegan

Me: but, bacon? So tasty.

All of the vegans: PITCHFORKS AT ATTENTION!

As a close friend used to say, do not negotiate with terrorists, Liz.

9. When I wrote a blog post about how to move to New Zealand as American (if you need some entertaining, go read through the comments) which is a minefield!

It is not your home. even if you wish it was it’s not, it is new zealands home. fuck off to your own home. leave mine alone… just fuck off back to usa and leave nz to be nz. stop telling people how to get here, we don’t want you. most nzers hate americans, you are boring n have no sense of humour, just fuck off bck to usa and leave nzers to our own country, plus u don’t get my point cos u dumb american.if u don’t want to be thought of a american sterotype don’t act like dunb american cunt….you are such a dunb cunt. this is why we hate you.

I can’t look beyond the grammatical and spelling errors in this, honestly I tried, but I can’t.

Yes go ahead pls MOVE out from US we don’t need weak, pathetic, ignorant ppl here who need “safe-spaces” You have been brain washed by fake media like cnn, fox, abc etc for too long

I just can’t.

Congratulations on proving again that liberal thought is shallow and feelings-based. Too much reading making your head hurt?

I’m literally the biggest reader you’ve ever met. Don’t even.

I read the first couple of paragraphs and had to stop. As a Trump supporter, I am offended by your words and will now stop following you. It’s really too bad that you offend some of your followers, here I thought I was following a travel blog. Please do move to NZ, because America will be better off without you!!

It’s ok, I’m ashamed to have had you as a reader.

That response obviously shows why 20 something women shouldn’t even have the right to vote.

*Begins to pull hair out of own head*

Im just trying to save you from having to take depression medication for the rest of your life thats all. What are you on now Zoloft or Prozac?

Neither, unfortunately. I sure could use one after reading this.

10. I appeared in a big NBC Dateline special about American’s moving to New Zealand and man, that opened the floodgates of crazy

Stay out of America you traitor bitch.

This was the first of many comments calling me a traitor.

STAY OUT OF AMERICA YOU BITCH. HOPE A HOBBIT KILLS YOUR SORRY ASS CUNT.

LOL!!!

STAY OUT OF AMERICA YOU BITCH. I hope a sheep kills you and your family you faggot, the USA is the best country ever.

Me: I feel so sorry for you

I feel worse for you, you no good commie bastard. Stay out of my country and fuck off cunt. Fuck you you no life blogger get a real job.

Me: You feel better now?

Yes, I’m living in the US of A #MAGA fuck. Cuck.

Me: Well I feel better living in a place with people nicer than you. And I have healthcare. And I can spell.

BOOM! How’d they do? What’s the worst thing anyone has said to you online? Do you get trolled? How do you cope? Spill!

The post All the mean, nasty and godawful hateful things people say to me online appeared first on Young Adventuress.

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