#Humans are space orc

[aromantic-ace]

Humans Are Weird/SpaceOrcs: Human Rage

After my take on "Assholes" i got enough inspiration to actually try to write the entry of that poor T'slich and his reaction after witnessing a real Human Rage.

Cycle 45 after the start of the Expedition.

Crew Member: T'slich of the Kerb System.

When i was taught about humans and their rage i obviously was very impressed by their ability to pull some incredible action and was warned about their irrationnality. But i always though of it as eitheir a myth or something very unlikely to happen, even after the friction between Human Leila and the captain i was glad to learn that it is not as frequent as the Intergalactic Manuals make it sound but all doubt i had about it and all the reassurement from others humans could not make me forget that look on Human Leila after another altercation with the Captain.

Her anger was understandable, it wasn't cargo that was lost this time but a team of three explorator that were ambushed by some kind of unknown floral specie. We were expecting her to be angry, humans are famous for their bonding ability but due to the danger and high chance of death the Captain did not send any rescue team. We could hear her scream and insult from accross the ship and most telepathic crew member had to go to the other side of the ship to lower the intensity of her brain waves. When i went to see what was happening i found her storming through the corridor in direction of the armory, the Captain desk was almost destroyed and his face white of shock. I realise i couldn't stop her when she threw over a Jyr twice her size that was trying to stop her from getting to the armory, she wasn't even hired as a soldier ! How her little scientist body of nearly 1 meter and 64 centimeter could do that ? She continued yelling that she wasn't going to stay passive when her friend were in need of help. She took one of the small vessel for transport in atmosphere and left, alone and wouldn't answer any communication, all we had was the signal GPS of her ship and vital signal of her suit.

Cycle 45 and a third after the start of the Expedition.

Crew Member: T'slich of the Kerb System.

I had to use all of my social ability to convince the captain not to leave and to wait for at least half a cycle, it seem that he also was sceptic about humans and their rage and wanted to charge Human Leila with assault and desertion. But right when my argument wouldn't be enough other members of the crew came to assist me, it seem that they too had bonded with Human Leila and argued that such devotion for the crew could only benefit the Expedition, after realising the support the crew was giving her the Captain accepted to wait and aggreed that he was probably acting under shock and anger.

We got news from Human Leila after around a quarter of cycle after her rescue mission started. She came back with a half destroyed ship and part of her suit and hair had burned. But she was alive and with the three missing explorators who were absolutely unharmed apart for a few first degree burns. I will never forget the look on Human Leila face when she pointed her gun at the one that refused to send rescue and simply said "No one left behind." None of us dared to say anything except the medical team who went to tend the rescued, we all had this impression that saying anything could get us killed. And without saying anything Human Leila returned the stolen equipment and refused any medical care before returning to her room.

None of us asked Human Leila about how she managed to pull such a move when she wasn't a soldier nor a pilot, according to the Intergalactic Manuals About Humans the female humans are often considered to be gentle and caring, there was apparently some casts of human where their female were specialised in warfare but the information is old of at least a milenia and Human Leila wasn't fitting any of their physical traits. I will request a change to the Manual after the report on the incident is completed, because if i have learned one thing with Human Leila it's that you should NOT, EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE leave crew member bonded with a human behind, because there is a higher risk of mutiny and injury from the human than there would be trying to rescue the missing crew.

I am the only one comfortable enough to speak without fear with Human Leila, she is acting as if nothing extraordinary happened, as if it was normal and none of us would dare to say otherwise, she seem to be really evasive with telling us about what happened, she mentionned something about "games" for her ability to do it (secret human training protocole ? I will have to research more about that). And the medical team reported that the burns were mostly caused by the fuel used in her ship, some of us suggested that she probably used Human tactics to make some makeshift fire ammo or fire bomb in order to free the rescued. She hasnt spoke with the Captain since and do not refuse to comply with her orders assigned. We still have much to learn.

End of Entry

[boyakishantriage]

Alien: "... Why is your humans are space orcs fandom filled with military things and human exceptionalism??"

Delta: "..."

A: "..."

D: "... Y'know how your Hidean(I know it's wrong. Fuck you.) are space Rack (Space orc, if you're dumb) have a lot of military things?"

A: "... Yeah?"

D:

A:

D: *silence intensfides*

A:

D: ... Aren't Hideans smart?

A: "Yeah. We are."

D: ...

A: ...

D: "IT TOOK YOU TWENTY MINUTES."

A: "..." *Stares at wall in shame*

D: "Hideans are smarter than humans."

[injuries-in-dust]

And here we find a rare instance of a Humans Are Space Orcs post from Tiktok that isn't an AI voice reading a reddit post over a minecraft video.

[captain-ultimat-doggo]

Humans entering space and realizing we are so small. We are mice compared to these giant races with their advanced machinery and technologies and experiences beyond us- except that we're humans. And our engineers dive into the new tech and once we learn the principles we also soon realize how Inefficient everything is. Their "microchips" are the size of cars, their storage drives are basically buildings, and they somehow store less data than ours. So, human companies take advantage, and tech starts rolling out. Massive and there's a lot of wasted space so that it can be managed with larger hands/pincers/claws/tentacles, but also so much more efficient than anything the galaxy has seen before.

Human technicians start hopping ships and upkeeping the general maintenance, the stuff that most aliens put off or don't notice because they never access the crevices of their ships. As human companies become more popular and lead the tech world in everything from warp cores to game stations ("it's so compact! How are the graphics so good?" Says a 60' tall grimbleback, holding a new VR headset that has all of its components included because it's so BIG by our tech standards), soon many things have accessibility ports for humans to be able to use as well. This means that these shiprats hoping ship to ship cause such a huge improvement in everything running smoothly, and there's a huge downtick in pests on ships because those "pests" are not only big enough and aggressive enough to bite a pitbull or a person in half, they're invasive to so many planets and humans hate nothing more than dog killing planet overrunning monsters.

All the while, from the Aliens perspective, humans are an elusive race that don't fraternize much with them. You almost never see a human as most places aren't exactly safe for the little things to run around in. They do export so much stuff though, and the custodial staff at the Central Galactic Outpost insists that there's more humans around than any other race if you just know where to look.

And sure it's somewhat known that some of the little daredevils hop ships and help out in exchange for room and board, usually without permission, but that can't be that common, can it?

Maybe your ship is running better this cycle ever since you stopped at the last station, that just means that tuneup was better than you thought. And maybe for some reason that program you were working on last night is finished when you wake up, but you're so tired maybe you finished it before you passed out. Somehow that faulty light in the galley has fixed itself as well, which is odd, but maybe the Engineer finally got to it. You'd know if there was someone else on your ship.

Right?

... You leave a little bowl of berries out as a thank you, just in case. You're not sure what humans like but you've heard they have a sweet tooth.

[orcboxer]

In an attempt to brand themselves as a badass species, humans often referred to themselves "space orcs," until a planet of actual space orcs joined the Intergalactic Assembly 15 years later, at which point humans started calling themselves "space elves." Space elves were discovered 4 years later, which led to humans rebranding as "space dwarves," a trend which ended predictably, six months later. Subsequent rebranding attempts were largely ignored until first contact was made with a remote alien species that, by sheer coincidence, had evolved to almost perfectly resemble Homo sapiens. The new aliens were dubbed "humans" while humans became widely referred to as "space humans."

[loonarmuunar]

Humans being the first. Not the strongest or the smartest or the weirdest or the most violent. Just the first.

We called out into the dark over and over. We sent out messages in hopes. We searched every planet we could reach, in hopes of any sign of life. Any at all.

We thought, hoped we were the last, because we couldn’t bear the idea of being the one ones this awake and alive in a world as vast as this.

And we died alone.

When the others are born, many many years later, they find us, everything we left for them.

They recover The Golden Record and look at it a million times over, they dig up our fossils and put us in museums, they study us for years and years, loving us as we love our ancestors’ painted hands on cave walls.

In a lot of their languages, the word they use for us has the same root for “mother”.

[nekokotatsu]

Human: I don't get this whole "Earth is a death world" thing. Like, obviously it wouldn't seem like one to us, but why is it one to you guys? Are your home planets *that* much more free of disease and predators and stuff?

Alien: Oh, yes. Earth is far more hostile than our home worlds.

Human: Huh. Wonder why.

Alien: I suspect it's due to Earth's high iron content blocking the fae from disposing of such minor threats.

Human: Yeah, I guess that

Human:

Human: what

Tiny fairy in alien's translator headpiece: Shut up, they think we're mythical, it's *hilarious*.

Alien: I mean... Sure is a mystery, huh?

[skritzzy]

I feel like any aliens that were prey at some point in evolution would have an odd fear of humans. Mostly cause they look like predators, act a bit like predators, and ARE predators. One perfect example is when we're focused on something like a mosquito that's been bugging us for a long time and we are just done.

Alien: "What. What..?"

Human: *HUNTING down a mosquito it saw*

Alien: ".... yeah I am really uncomfortable...."

Human: *quiet footsteps, pupils dialated, intense focus,*

Alien: *WAR FLASHBACKS*

Human: "Found you." *absolutely desimates the mosquito, squashing it into a million pieces as it's guts and various body parts liquidize into blood of the bloodthirsty, now stained on the palm of the human. A living being now reduced to a useless corpse as the human wipes the remains on their pants*

Alien: "I feel like I've just gained trauma."

[candz13z]

Another humans and aliens post because im hooked on it still.

Humans are friendly. Really friendly. Theyll make friends with anything that can move. They pack bond like crazy and they seem to understand their emotions better than any other species and tend to be the therapist of the ship.

So, why is it that, on the ships, with more than a couple humans on it, are the ones that have the most fights.

Humans are so friendly, you could probably do just about anything to them and they wouldnt even so much as blink. But one human woke up another human too early one day and they both ended up in the medbay. The worst part is- they were back to being friends again not even a full day cycle later.

There had been another fight between a couple of other humans too, but this fight wasnt physical. It was a screaming match, or atleast thats what the humans called it. This fight wasnt even physical but the humans involved in this one had cried in this one. They did not go back to being friends afterwards. It made no sense- but what made even less sense happened a week later.

A team of humans showed up for a 'debate'. To the aliens understanding- it was a series of arguements over a couple of prepared questions. Every alien on the ship expected there to be more tears and more sadness- but instead the humans cheered on the debate and the people screaming at eachother laughed about it afterwards.

Any alien with enough sentience on the ship that day remembered the fact that despite being as friendly as they were, humans are still very, very unexplored territory.

[cipheramnesia]

All I ask is that if humans make it very far into space, to the point where we work with alien civilizations that have never ever been anywhere near Earth, we all have to agree: don't tell them about the moon.

Hear me out. I'm not trying to be weird about this. Just... just okay listen. The moon of the Earth is huge, like gigantormoon size. Bigger than most moons. Okay? And I think- no, hush down. I think the expressions on their faces will be hilarious.

Like, for real- stop laughing at me, I'm serious. For real, imagine they show up on the day of a lunar eclipse. They're like "oh this'll be neat- WHAT THE FUUUUUCK! WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO YOUR SUUUUNNNNN!"

Greatest. Prank. Ever.

[aromantic-ace]

Humans Are Weird: Intrusive Thoughs.

We all got those random thoughs about doing something incredibly evil or messed up to someone or something, but how would alien will telepathic ability react to those violents pulsion of violence ? Let's discover.

Cycle 12 since the Return of the Expedition.

Crew Member: T'slich of the Kerb System.

It was a casual cycle like any other, i was eating some of that human ration called "fries" when i suddenly got aborded by one of the new crew members. It was a Rerv, that specie was a rare sight usually as they tend to keep working with their own kind due to the mefiance of other species toward their telepathic abilities. But this one, named Ahr if i recall was curious of the other being of the galaxy and as such joined the ship crew. I was about to offer him some of that tasty human food when he started talking with that creaking voice of them.

- Ahr: Greetings, may i ask you a few question about that human, Kate ? I gathered you were close with humans.

- T'slich: Close is an exageration but yes i know her.

It seemed that Ahr was wearing one of those psychic suppressor, the thoughs of other people are sometime too much to handle and most people arent confortable with a telepathic being around them, but what could be his business with Human Kate ?

- Ahr: Aren't you scared of her ?

- T'slich: She can be quite scary sometime but you will soon get used to it, humans are like that, what has she done ?

- Ahr: Nothing, at least for now, it-it's just that she sometime have some weird thoughs about killing everyone on the ship and flying straight into a black hole.. is she okay ?

- T'slich: That is.. concerning to hea-

- Kate: Talking behind my back ?

The skin of the Rerv turned white for a second as we realised that Human Kate was right behind us with her ration, i didn't noticed her and was quite surprised, not as much as Ahr as i was used to Human Kate sudden appearance.

- T'slich: Arh here was worried about your wellbeing.

- Kate: How so ?

She started pouring some blood looking sauce near her "fries" before putting some of her ration into it as to horify even more the poor Rerv.

Ahr: Y-your thoughs ! Is it normal for human to have such destructive pulsion ?

Kate: What Do you mean my thoughs ?

Ahr: Y-you sometime have these pulsion of destroying everything and then yourself, how can you not see what i mean ?

Kate: Ooooooooh you mean my intrusive thoughs, yeah those are normal we sometime get them when we are bored or just randomly. You don't have to worry about that i would never do such a thing.

- Ahr: It is NORMAL for humans to have bloodthirsty pulsion when they are bored ?

- Kate: Yup, luckily for all of us we don't usually end up doing them, else there would be far too much of a mess to clear up after.

- T'slich: Now you understand why there is so much humans in wars.

The poor Rerv quickly finished his meal before leaving me and Kate alone where she asked me how much i liked those fries, it is to note that i did not soak them in blood like her, it's far too salty for me as it is. But once again Humans really Are Weird.

[archrries]

Humans cracking their knuckles as an intimidation tactic against aliens

Can you imagine being an alien and this thing just broke its bones at you?????

I'd be scared tbh

Why did it make that noise

That's a bone breaking noise

It's like those ppl who bite off their acrylics before a fight

[injuries-in-dust]

I don't know why, but I like the idea of humans being to aliens, what cats are to humans...

Alien1: hey, when did you hire a human?

Alien 2: we didn't. They just wandered aboard one day, saying they wanted to "hitch a ride." Then they never left. I think they like it here.

Alien 1: the human distribution system has chosen.

***

Alien stares at the human, who has climbed up a very high shelving unit.

Alien: Human, get down before you hurt yourself.

The humans response is to climb higher.

***

Alien is secretly filming their human, who is spaced out and just staring at nothing.

Alien (whispering): I think the human is about to intercept the brain cell. (Laughter) don't worry human, if it tingles that means it's working.

[blueapplesiren]

Aliens are gonna be gobsmacked by our urge to pack bond with everyone and everything on the ship, but just wait until humans are pack bonding with THE SHIP ITSELF. Giving her a nickname. Insisting on ���she/her” pronouns for the ship because ‘tradition’. Saying “ouch” in sympathy when the ship takes damage, and saying “there you go, all better,” after patching her up. Hell, I bet there will still be animists meditating and connecting with the spirit of the ship on a regular basis and thanking her for doing such a good job.

[drewthelocalnerd]

Haven’t really seen it yet so here we go, *Humans* have THREAT DISPLAYS! Sure, we seems small in comparison to other creatures both on or off our planet, but when we’re actively trying to make friends with everything we see that’s a good thing. But what if we don’t wanna seem small and friendly, say the vibes are real bad and getting worse, so instincts kick in and we gotta be *dangerous*

Take bears for example, those famous Terran predators. Big furry tanks capable of tearing into cars. We’re supposed to make ourselves look BIGGER to scare them off! Insane, but it works!

Other humans! We’re not *all* super nice, so what do we do when another deathworlder seems sketchy? Crack our knuckles, our necks, even flash our teeth a little for some flare, the literal post up or get done up pose where you invade their space and just in general look threatening. Our second natural language being body language, saying “back off or I’ll mess you up”, of course we have threat displays, and I’ll be the first to say I don’t always consciously know I’m doing them.

So when we finally have outer space friends, they’re gonna lose their shit seeing stuff like this.

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at work:

Spanish speaking customer: *comes up to the counter asking for front brake pads and sparks plugs*

Me, in English: Yeah, no problem! Ano? Marca? *get his car year, make and model plugged in, go find his parts, bring them to him*

Spanish speaking customer: *as he inspects the parts, starts in on some story about his mechanic and the brakes that involves a bit more cussing than most guys usually use*

Me, having to waive him off: Sir, um, no comprende? Un momentito por favor. *pulls up google translate, types out “the only Spanish I speak is car parts and the bad words”*

Spanish speaking customer:*straight up cackles, pats me on the back, pays, and leaves*

Bilingual customer: *steps up to the counter, sees my google translate still up on the screen, also cackles* Oh, nice! That’s adorable!