#Humans are space orc

[aromantic-ace]

Humans Are Weirds/SpaceOrcs: A Beginner's Guide.

After the official welcoming of the Humans species in our galaxies it has been an emergency to make a beginner's guide as to how to handle the humans on your ship, make sure that if any member of your crew didn't read the Intergalactic Manuals About Human that they read those quick tips as to ensure a good collaboration with your human crewmate.

1. Humans Are Vastly Different, each of them can be completely different from another with their own potential quirk in character and/or behavior. Do NOT expect them to behave the same.

2. Humans Are Weirds, there has been multiple attempt to classify humans into different kind and groups with a very mitigated success. Humans have very different way of living or behave than us and their curiosity (for most of them) know no bound, as such dont be flustered if they ask something unusual and try to satisfy their curiosity as much as possible. Humans (especially of the curious or "scientist" group) can go to extreme lenght to satisfy said curiosity, often leading to nefast consequence for the crew.

3. Know Your Human ! As soon as you meet them try to know in which group they belong, this will ensure way less trouble as the Intergalactic Manuals About Humans can help you react to them accordingly, it also might help you bond with your human as they often appreciate the gesture.

4. Never Provoke Humans, this seem like a basis but most human anger can be triggered by various things some that might seem innocent. Triggering a Human anger will often lead to their body releasing their Deathworlder drugs and can result in bloody outcome. If a Human seem angry or about to enter rage, try your best to calm said human by refering to the Intergalactic Manuals About Humans.

5. Don't Let Your Human Near Everything, Humans are highly intelligent creature but lack a sens of self preservation, as such they will try (and sometime succeed) to bond with anything even highly dangerous creature, it is often more safe to try to not let Humans near such species and/or to discourage such behavior. In the same note explain to your Human why you dont want them to do something, describe the consequence it will often discourage them.

6. Human Social Skills, as a highly intelligent and social specie Humans are some of the best negociator that you can find, as such utilisant your human in a encounter with another ship as diplomat can yield very successfull result, but be careful, as always Humans Are vastly different and some are not suited for diplomacy.

7. Human Instinct, humans are a species that rise themself as the Apex Predator of their ecosystem, they have what they called a "sixth sens" that often tell them things almost impossible to know about a situation, they will for exemple instinctly know if the group is about to ambushed or if something is wrong. Do NOT dismiss such Intel, if your Humans tell you something is wrong, even if they dont have factual evidence they will (in most case) always be right.

8. Humans Combat Ability, in situation of danger do not hesitate to give your Humans a weapon, yes even if they are civils untrained. They will often be an invaluable asset in fights especially due to their Deathworlder abilities.

9. Take Care Of Your Humans, even if they seem like it, they are not invincible, humans do dies, just more slowly than you expect and they might not tell you about it. Humans will go to incredible lenght to save a crew they bonded with, just make sure that they do not lie to you about their ability to survive such a task.

10. Irrationnal Behavior, lastly Humans are sometime very irrationnal as shown with Staby (a cleaning drone that they often stick sharpened weapon on it as a "joke"). As long as such behavior do not put your crew life or cargo at risk, do NOT try to stop it, this behavior is often shown when your humans need distraction and is very good for their mental health.

[boyakishantriage]

Alien: "... Why is your humans are space orcs fandom filled with military things and human exceptionalism??"

Delta: "..."

A: "..."

D: "... Y'know how your Hidean(I know it's wrong. Fuck you.) are space Rack (Space orc, if you're dumb) have a lot of military things?"

A: "... Yeah?"

D:

A:

D: *silence intensfides*

A:

D: ... Aren't Hideans smart?

A: "Yeah. We are."

D: ...

A: ...

D: "IT TOOK YOU TWENTY MINUTES."

A: "..." *Stares at wall in shame*

D: "Hideans are smarter than humans."

[injuries-in-dust]

And here we find a rare instance of a Humans Are Space Orcs post from Tiktok that isn't an AI voice reading a reddit post over a minecraft video.

[captain-ultimat-doggo]

Humans entering space and realizing we are so small. We are mice compared to these giant races with their advanced machinery and technologies and experiences beyond us- except that we're humans. And our engineers dive into the new tech and once we learn the principles we also soon realize how Inefficient everything is. Their "microchips" are the size of cars, their storage drives are basically buildings, and they somehow store less data than ours. So, human companies take advantage, and tech starts rolling out. Massive and there's a lot of wasted space so that it can be managed with larger hands/pincers/claws/tentacles, but also so much more efficient than anything the galaxy has seen before.

Human technicians start hopping ships and upkeeping the general maintenance, the stuff that most aliens put off or don't notice because they never access the crevices of their ships. As human companies become more popular and lead the tech world in everything from warp cores to game stations ("it's so compact! How are the graphics so good?" Says a 60' tall grimbleback, holding a new VR headset that has all of its components included because it's so BIG by our tech standards), soon many things have accessibility ports for humans to be able to use as well. This means that these shiprats hoping ship to ship cause such a huge improvement in everything running smoothly, and there's a huge downtick in pests on ships because those "pests" are not only big enough and aggressive enough to bite a pitbull or a person in half, they're invasive to so many planets and humans hate nothing more than dog killing planet overrunning monsters.

All the while, from the Aliens perspective, humans are an elusive race that don't fraternize much with them. You almost never see a human as most places aren't exactly safe for the little things to run around in. They do export so much stuff though, and the custodial staff at the Central Galactic Outpost insists that there's more humans around than any other race if you just know where to look.

And sure it's somewhat known that some of the little daredevils hop ships and help out in exchange for room and board, usually without permission, but that can't be that common, can it?

Maybe your ship is running better this cycle ever since you stopped at the last station, that just means that tuneup was better than you thought. And maybe for some reason that program you were working on last night is finished when you wake up, but you're so tired maybe you finished it before you passed out. Somehow that faulty light in the galley has fixed itself as well, which is odd, but maybe the Engineer finally got to it. You'd know if there was someone else on your ship.

Right?

... You leave a little bowl of berries out as a thank you, just in case. You're not sure what humans like but you've heard they have a sweet tooth.

[mikehasfleas]

Most annoying thing to remember is that you're litterally just a homosapien. You're just a very smart animal. If you feel like shit, imagine you're an exotic pet for some alien species and do what they'd do to keep you healthy. You gotta be well cared for. Animal abuse is a crime for a reason

"My pet human, Greg, hasn't left his bed in a long time. He's just scrolling his phone all day" Greg needs enrichment. Add enrichment in his enclosure and take him on walks

"Greg has been super lethargic and sad recently for seemingly no reason" Greg need vitamins, take him outside for some vitamin D and fresh air. Perhaps a picnic

"Greg won't sleep even though he's been super lethargic" Greg needs a schedule, especially for the lights in his enclosure.

"Greg has been super distant recently and keeps crying to sad music" Humans are pack animals, he needs to hug another human and hang out. Perhaps pack bond with a rock together

"Greg has been flailing around and panicking, his breathing is way faster than it should be" Greg is overwhelmed. Take Greg out of the situation and give him time to calm down. Perhaps somewhere cozy with tea and a movie

"Greg won't do what he needs to do" Train him. Humans do great with positive reinforcement, give him little treats when he's doing good

"Greg he's been super anxious and tired, he can't seem to enjoy his days" Humans needs to move around. Give Greg something to exercise with. Things like stretching, weight lifting, walking, or even dancing will help

"Even though I've taken really good care of Greg, he still has been having issues" Greg is ill, take him to the doctor. You might need a specialist (therapist, optometrist, oncologist, etc)

I know it feels patronizing, and I know it feels embarrassing or that you're "just giving into the clichés", but you are literally just a creature. You need to sleep/eat on time, you need enrichment, and you need to take care of your social needs. Humans are complicated animals, but they are also beautiful and all deserve proper care. This obviously isn't a perfect analogy, nothing is, but if you saw your friend taking care of their pet the way you take care of yourself, would you be concerned?

[cipheramnesia]

I can't find the original post, but one of the Humans Are Space Orcs posts was about how maybe it would be absolutely unhinged that the average human can just approximately judge mass and velocity and distance with eyes and muscles, and throw objects with moderate to high accuracy. Like, no planning, binocular vision only, no triangulation, just toss stuff. They go apeshit over human sports, because that's like if a worm wrote a novel or something, practically a bloodsport.

On the flip side, the fact that most humans can't in any way explain explain mathematically what's happening in a game of catch is infuriating. "What do you mean you just kinda figure it? But it's not a guess?"

The practical result is that it turns out that humans can do the same thing with interstellar travel and skip a starship across the universe without any math, although you want to make sure you don't build anything to close to the approximate landing site.

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at work:

Spanish speaking customer: *comes up to the counter asking for front brake pads and sparks plugs*

Me, in English: Yeah, no problem! Ano? Marca? *get his car year, make and model plugged in, go find his parts, bring them to him*

Spanish speaking customer: *as he inspects the parts, starts in on some story about his mechanic and the brakes that involves a bit more cussing than most guys usually use*

Me, having to waive him off: Sir, um, no comprende? Un momentito por favor. *pulls up google translate, types out “the only Spanish I speak is car parts and the bad words”*

Spanish speaking customer:*straight up cackles, pats me on the back, pays, and leaves*

Bilingual customer: *steps up to the counter, sees my google translate still up on the screen, also cackles* Oh, nice! That’s adorable!

[orcboxer]

In an attempt to brand themselves as a badass species, humans often referred to themselves "space orcs," until a planet of actual space orcs joined the Intergalactic Assembly 15 years later, at which point humans started calling themselves "space elves." Space elves were discovered 4 years later, which led to humans rebranding as "space dwarves," a trend which ended predictably, six months later. Subsequent rebranding attempts were largely ignored until first contact was made with a remote alien species that, by sheer coincidence, had evolved to almost perfectly resemble Homo sapiens. The new aliens were dubbed "humans" while humans became widely referred to as "space humans."

[loonarmuunar]

Humans being the first. Not the strongest or the smartest or the weirdest or the most violent. Just the first.

We called out into the dark over and over. We sent out messages in hopes. We searched every planet we could reach, in hopes of any sign of life. Any at all.

We thought, hoped we were the last, because we couldn’t bear the idea of being the one ones this awake and alive in a world as vast as this.

And we died alone.

When the others are born, many many years later, they find us, everything we left for them.

They recover The Golden Record and look at it a million times over, they dig up our fossils and put us in museums, they study us for years and years, loving us as we love our ancestors’ painted hands on cave walls.

In a lot of their languages, the word they use for us has the same root for “mother”.

[gehenna-checklist]

I like to imagine a scenario where humanity just never developed energy guns and has stuck to kinetic weaponry forever and at some point some alien species thinks about messing with the wrong apex predator species.

Alien 1: "Captain, I assure you, our ships can't be breached by anything weaker than a concentrated proton beam. They barely have lasers. We'll be fine."

Alien 2: "Sub relativistic projectile incom-" gets hit by a railgun shell at mach fuck

[aromantic-ace]

Humans Are Weird: Intrusive Thoughs.

We all got those random thoughs about doing something incredibly evil or messed up to someone or something, but how would alien will telepathic ability react to those violents pulsion of violence ? Let's discover.

Cycle 12 since the Return of the Expedition.

Crew Member: T'slich of the Kerb System.

It was a casual cycle like any other, i was eating some of that human ration called "fries" when i suddenly got aborded by one of the new crew members. It was a Rerv, that specie was a rare sight usually as they tend to keep working with their own kind due to the mefiance of other species toward their telepathic abilities. But this one, named Ahr if i recall was curious of the other being of the galaxy and as such joined the ship crew. I was about to offer him some of that tasty human food when he started talking with that creaking voice of them.

- Ahr: Greetings, may i ask you a few question about that human, Kate ? I gathered you were close with humans.

- T'slich: Close is an exageration but yes i know her.

It seemed that Ahr was wearing one of those psychic suppressor, the thoughs of other people are sometime too much to handle and most people arent confortable with a telepathic being around them, but what could be his business with Human Kate ?

- Ahr: Aren't you scared of her ?

- T'slich: She can be quite scary sometime but you will soon get used to it, humans are like that, what has she done ?

- Ahr: Nothing, at least for now, it-it's just that she sometime have some weird thoughs about killing everyone on the ship and flying straight into a black hole.. is she okay ?

- T'slich: That is.. concerning to hea-

- Kate: Talking behind my back ?

The skin of the Rerv turned white for a second as we realised that Human Kate was right behind us with her ration, i didn't noticed her and was quite surprised, not as much as Ahr as i was used to Human Kate sudden appearance.

- T'slich: Arh here was worried about your wellbeing.

- Kate: How so ?

She started pouring some blood looking sauce near her "fries" before putting some of her ration into it as to horify even more the poor Rerv.

Ahr: Y-your thoughs ! Is it normal for human to have such destructive pulsion ?

Kate: What Do you mean my thoughs ?

Ahr: Y-you sometime have these pulsion of destroying everything and then yourself, how can you not see what i mean ?

Kate: Ooooooooh you mean my intrusive thoughs, yeah those are normal we sometime get them when we are bored or just randomly. You don't have to worry about that i would never do such a thing.

- Ahr: It is NORMAL for humans to have bloodthirsty pulsion when they are bored ?

- Kate: Yup, luckily for all of us we don't usually end up doing them, else there would be far too much of a mess to clear up after.

- T'slich: Now you understand why there is so much humans in wars.

The poor Rerv quickly finished his meal before leaving me and Kate alone where she asked me how much i liked those fries, it is to note that i did not soak them in blood like her, it's far too salty for me as it is. But once again Humans really Are Weird.

[kodygash]

Humans cracking their knuckles as an intimidation tactic against aliens

Can you imagine being an alien and this thing just broke its bones at you?????

I'd be scared tbh

Why did it make that noise

That's a bone breaking noise

It's like those ppl who bite off their acrylics before a fight

[injuries-in-dust]

Galactic Forum, human guide section.

I think we found the perfect enrichment for human crew members.

Our humans really enjoyed this area we provided for them.

They can run, fall, climb and more, to their hearts content.

They really enjoy being lifted and thrown into a large pit of foam blocks, or plastic spheres.

Note: our crew is mostly Xarnian, so we possess the necessary strength to lift the average adult human despite the density they have evolved on their deathworld.

Human larvae enjoy it the most, but even the mature humans are also thrilled by these activities.

Incidents involving "acts of human" are down 18% in the first cycle alone since we installed the enrichment chamber.

[nekokotatsu]

Human: I don't get this whole "Earth is a death world" thing. Like, obviously it wouldn't seem like one to us, but why is it one to you guys? Are your home planets *that* much more free of disease and predators and stuff?

Alien: Oh, yes. Earth is far more hostile than our home worlds.

Human: Huh. Wonder why.

Alien: I suspect it's due to Earth's high iron content blocking the fae from disposing of such minor threats.

Human: Yeah, I guess that

Human:

Human: what

Tiny fairy in alien's translator headpiece: Shut up, they think we're mythical, it's *hilarious*.

Alien: I mean... Sure is a mystery, huh?

[thefuckingduckgod]

Saw someone say that most intelligent alien life forms are likely prey animals, so I wanted to add something after falling down the humans are space orcs rabbit hole for the millionth time.

Humans are predators right? But in our day to day lives we don’t really act like predators very often. Very few of us actually have an experience with hunting, with one exception; bugs. Especially flies or mosquitoes.

Imagine you board a ship and all of your crew mates are life forms from other planets, all of them just so happen to be prey. You’re an engineer and general aren’t seen as very threatening. You’re the first human the crews ever had on board so they have no reason to think you would be. That is until somehow a fly gets onto your ship.

It’s meal time and this fly just will not stop bothering you. No one else seems to be doing anything so you decide to be the one to kill it. You go dead still and track it with your eyes, watching to see where it lands. Once it does you move slowly until your hand is directly above it, holding your breath before slamming your hand down. Finally the pesky bug is gone and you can go back to eating. To you it’s no big deal. I mean it’s just killing one bug right? But when you look up after rubbing the dead fly off the table with your shirt, everyone’s staring at you with a look of shock, horror, or fear.

After a minute or two everyone seems to unfreeze and go back to what they were doing, still nervously glancing over their shoulders at you every minute or so.

After that your crew mates seem to always be slightly on edge around you. Listening to you more often than before, and letting you lead in situations where violence might need to be resorted too. While it’s not technically your job on explorations, you in no way mind being able to protect your crew.

Plz tell me how to tag this is my first time posting something I actually spent time thinking about.

[sugarcoatednightshade]

Humans are Space Orcs story where humans are known for our storytelling and acting abilities. While these talents are somewhat respected, there’s a major stigma against humans because we’re also the best liars.

“Humans don’t actually feel anything at all, they just mimic emotions to trick others into believing them”

“Never trust a human. They lie like the rest of us breath”

“Humans spend so much of their lives acting, it’s impossible to tell when they’re being truthful”

“In human culture, great respect is awarded to ‘actors’ who are able to mimic other persons and emotions with startling accuracy”

“Some ‘actors’ are able to ‘perform’ hundreds of unique characters”

“Acting is so ubiquitous in the human culture that many consider it polite to lie”

“Sarcasm is a common, casual game played between humans, where one human says something untrue and the other human must guess what truth they are thinking. Humans unable to perform this ritual are often ostracized by their peers”

“If you see a human crying, do not immediately assume they are hurt. Humans have been known to use their ‘acting’ abilities to trick unsuspecting travelers into giving up an unreasonable number of belongings”

“All interstellar travelers are required to read up on popular ‘scams’ or ‘cons’ performed by humans in the region they are traveling to”