#How to get greek letters on google docs

[hypokeimena]

someone asked so i am going to tell you my secret tips and tricks for using google sheets to create vocab testers for yourself.

step 1: make a google sheet that has all your vocab in it. this is the part that takes the longest. depending on the language, i usually make different categories for parts of speech - so i make a tab each for nouns, verbs, adjectives, + other.

this is harder if you are taking a language with lots of multi-part vocab words, it's not as effective for me for e.g. latin/greek principal parts - it works best if there's one form you can supply

in the sheets themselves, usually have the first column for the chapter the word is from, second column for the word itself, third column for english definition, fourth column for anything special (irregular forms or usages, etc). like this! you can also personalize a little sheet by sheet (e.g. for nouns I need a gender column, whereas don't for verbs, etc.), but try to keep the first three columns consistent because it'll make it easier to copy them into a quiz sheet later.

the thing that's nice about doing this as a spreadsheet is in those kabob buttons in the top of each row. you can create a filter, and then sort A->Z for words in foreign languages (so right now you can see that one sheet is sorted alphabetically and the other one by chapter).

i also make another sheet for "quizzing" and i'll copy whatever I want to study into that doc. I usually only copy in the word/definition columns, and then you can select those words (make sure to get both columns, the words + their definitions!)

you can then do data -> randomize range in google sheets and it'll shuffle them into a random order. (btw - DO NOT DO THIS on your master list sheets, just on the quizzing sheet! you WILL accidentally forget to highlight a column at some point and completely fuck yourself. safer to keep a separate sheet for that.) that way you don't get stuck quizzing yourself in the same random order

you can then hide the column you don't want to see (so hide the english if you want to quiz your reading recognition/comprehension, or hide the foreign text if you want to practice producing in your target language) and guess in the blank columns. once you've gone through your list you can unhide the "correct answers" column and see how your answers match

i like this because it's pretty versatile - you can copy in e.g. ALL NOUNS and see how you do with them, or if you keep getting "words that start with a certain letter" confused you can sort all vocab alphabetically and just pull those out, or you can pull just the vocab from the last 5 chapters. you can decide to include all your little "irregular" notes and see if you remember those irregular forms as well or just make sure you can more or less recognize a word when you see it. and it's really easy to change what you want to look at on any given day.

i will also admittedly usually do this mixed manual/digital - i retain info much better when i handwrite it, so basically i use this to generate a vocab list and then i write out my guesses/answers on paper and then go back and compare to the spreadsheet. if that makes sense.

[tryingthisfangirlthing]

So. @purlturtle tagged me in a thing and now we all get to suffer for it. ;3

RULES: post the names of the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! Tag as many people as you have WIPs.

Okay, to start with: I do not have a WIP folder. My Google Docs is a conglomerate of utter disorganization that somehow manages to still function as a repository of writing. Sort of.

Many of these are just snippets that are more or less a ghost of an idea, or that probably deserve their rest in the quiet soil of the cemetery of fleeting ideas. Others are determined to haunt me until I give them some sort of manifestation, or finish shaping their forms. Who knows, maybe y'all will turn one into the other?

To make all of this a little easier on everyone, I am going to organize this by ship and/or fandom. Buckle the fuck up.

Bering and Wells / Warehouse 13

Save Thy Tears Bering & Wells

Under Your Gaze (I Could Conquer The World, Babe) ****

7. It Means She Never Wants to Hurt *

A Difference Of Opinion (Libidinous)

Bering/Wells Circus AU | In the Ring, In the Stall, Dear, For You, I'll Risk It All

Bering & Well Dawnguard Vol. 1 **

Like the Last Breath of a Dying Star

Bering/Wells Comfort Sex in Moscow

Bering/Wells "Vendetta" trip home

Myka/Helena "Fall into Heaven" insert

Omega!Myka

Bering/Wells kink AU

Bering & Wells ANR

Bering/Wells San Junipero D/s

Bering/Wells Greek mythology

Helena + Myka in waistcoats

5. (It Is So Much Harder To Live For Love Than To Die For It) *

Bering and Well Dawnguard Scene Outline **

Bering/Wells Pete and Amanda's bachelor/ette party ****

Bering & Wells Dawnguard Vol. 2 **

Bering & Wells Dawnguard Vol. 3 **

B&W Dawnguard Scenes/Scraps **

Bering and Wells Oblivion

Ophelia's Secret

14. Words Pierce Where Cupid's Arrow Missed *

8. Not Like That *

6. Now Survival Is Her Middle Name *

9. Never Again *

11. And Her Bruised Heart Shatters *

10. But Stone Meets Fire and Ice Meets Steel *

Bering/Wells Myka figures out she's bi

Bering & Wells bike shop AU

12. Just One More Time *

13. (How Many Times More?) *

Bering/Wells College AU

Bering/Wells High School

Helena "Running"/Memory by Kane Brown

Ghost Helena/Myka

Bering/Wells Consideration

Bering/Wells Letters

Bering and Wells Aftermath

DJane HG

Knight Myka/Sorceress Helena

Bering and Wells Secret Santa

Doctor Who

Nine/Ten one night stand (E)

A Fobwatch and a Sapphire-Studded Choker Vol. 3 ******

A Fobwatch and a Sapphire-Studded Choker Story Scraps ******

Rose/Doctor Beauty & Beast

Rose/trans!fem!Doctor

Nine/Rose Ballroom

Nine/Rose angst kiss

Doctor/Rose stranded (C's Christmas fic)

Nine/Rose Road Trip

Nine/Rose one-sided

How To Play Matchmaker for One (1) Idiot Time Lord

Werewolf!Bill x Holly

Rose as Fobwatched Time Lady

C's Birthday Banquet Fic

Fem!Ten/Rose New Year's Eve

Dom!Rose Wall Sex

Sanctuary

Kate/Helen Vampire *****

Helen x Nikolija

Afina/Helen Attempt 3 ***

Helen/Afina noncon v2 ***

Helen/Afina noncon ***

Helen/Kate for J *****

Helen/Kate/Kali (Server Spider Kink)

When the Blurred Line Breaks

Teslen vampire/hunter

Teslen Porn Star AU

Adolescence of a Mongrel Vampire (Graphic)

A Mermaid's Siren

Helen/Kate Vampire v1 *****

Teslen arranged marriage

Teslen tenderness & communication

Dancer Teslen

Helen/Nikola ecouterism

Sanctuary CYOA snippets

Sally x Kate (x Helen)

Sanctuary Soulmarks

Helen x Sally

Nikolija x Helen Magoi History

Teslen Letters During Exile

Star Trek

"Wild Frontier" Seven/B'Elanna

Queen/Knight Seven/B'Elanna

B7 Home

B/7 Heaven's Vault AU

Kirezri Post-Canon

B'Elanna x Seven New Year's Kiss

Superfluous Adornments (B7)

Lenara/Jadzia Aftermath

Human Emotions

B/7 Drunk "Came Here To Forget"

J7 Mentor Affection

B/7 Pride & Prejudice

B/7 BDSM

Video Games (with Original Characters as Protagonists)

Tearing Her Apart (in all the best ways) (Nerium x Fiana)

CharrRP Profiles *********

Charracter Roster *********

Amata'jah

Poisoner, Physician, Hist-Child, Dovahkiin: A Study in Apparent Contradictions

The Nature of Betrayal

Vesuvia's Story

ESO RP Char Profiles

Other Fandoms

Liberty's Secret Wedding Night

Sam/fem!Jack "Sir" angst locker room smut

Fem!Jack/Sam "Tin Man"

Fem!Jack/Sam

Villaneve Soulmarks ********

Villaneve Soulmarks Post S3 ********

Rhulana/Gladys Camp/Wound Care

Plague Tale Aftermath

Sheila/Ann Worship

Gwen/Morgana post Arthur's kiss

Alyanette vampire/hunter AU

Rena Rouge, On Her Own Terms

Stahma/Kenya

Teenage Aliya/Oroi

Her Own Heart's Poison, Barranyi's Gift

Safe Lack of Distance

Kibbs unintended confession

Catalyst

Jane Maura Almost-Kiss

Original Work/Original Characters/Other

Flash Fairy Tales Retold

B&W Author Questionnaire

Between Life and Death *******

Nuryeh x Kaliva *******

Kel'Reth arranged marriage *******

Nuryeh x Kaliva Story *******

Kel'Reth Saga *******

Zir'Rethi Temple Librarian *******

The Long Fall into Heaven

Dratschi mating rituals *******

Sci-Fi Romance Sel'thiak

Neytari/Melanie scrap

One Last Dance

Nerekhi x Viyera Letters *******

The Scent of Magic Snippets *******

Snake love story

I tried to denote different docs that belong to the same general work/universe via asterisks, at first, but at some point its accuracy is questionable. :P

(Okay, there's more, but I have to come to some kind of stopping point. I think once I come to documents I haven't actually opened in like four and a half years, where I have to check what the title actually means and whether or not I've published them… I think I can safely call those "in hibernation" and not really "WIP"s at that point… :P)

No pressure, but I'd love to know about @tinknevertalks and @ladyelysandra, and anyone else who wants to do this!

[eluvion]

for the fic writer ask game: 3, 16, 23, 74, 76 (for hope is our four-letter word)? i hope that's not too many lol

love your writing! wishing you joy <3

hi!! this took like a million years so apologies on that!! ive been packing for and moving into college the past few days so i was a little busy but!!!! tysm for the ask love!!!! this did end up like mega long so i put my answers under the cut

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

usually, my fics really start as disconnected snippets in my notes app. i usually sort the notes by fandom, and at some point the snippets kind of amalgamate into something more tangible. then it gets shipped off into a google doc where i basically just work at it (on my computer or my phone) until i have a full fic/chapter. i usually write more emotional scenes on my phone, and it's just a Thing to do in between Real Life Things. then!! once im finished writing i read it over a billion times, read through the dialogue out loud to make sure it sounds natural, and then ask my beta (my beloved @izarie) to edit through. and then after THAT i post it!!

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

right now, i have two main ones that are just sort of revolving around my brain. there's my flinch from roy's pov ted lasso fic, because that made fic me so so sooo insane and sometimes i just cant stop thinking abt scenes where jamie is super inside his own head and what roy is Thinking Abt during that time. here's a bit of that:

Roy wonders, not for the first time, how he kicked Jamie out at the beginning of all this. Jamie had that look on his face—even while he was making Jamie-like complaints and giving Roy shit—like he was going to cry. And Roy just threw his clothes back and forced him to call an Uber and watched him slump around himself from the window. Roy knows better than that. He was raised better than that.  So okay. Maybe Roy gets it, in that context. Jamie holds onto shit that hurts him on the off chance that it will hold him close. And as much as he fucking despises it, that puts him and James Tartt in the same category, that place in Jamie’s head where he keeps the people that could help but choose not to. Roy really doesn’t want to know how many people are in that box.

and a succession post-canon roman-centric fic! it will be like. a little bit ooc just by virtue of having a nice(r) ending because that's how succession Is but you know. this is what i call healing. here's a bit of that:

Kendall’s all teeth. “Fuck you. You're not better. You’ve—you’ve fucking imploded everything you’ve ever done.” “Yeah, ‘cause you're the fuckin’ picture of a success story.” Roman sinks deeper into his seat. Leans into the car window. “Real wolf of fucking Wall Street, getting fucked out of Daddy’s company because you couldn’t play act a real CEO.” Kendall’s hands twitch.  Roman smiles. “What are you gonna do? Hit me about it?”

and also like. forever in my brain is the elektra greek tragedy fic in which i have feelings abt my doomed by the narrative failwife <333

23. Best writing advice for other writers?

i think it was ve schwab who gave the metaphor of a creative well, and that for as much Stuff (art, music, podcasts books, ect) you put in, you get more out. i try to keep my media diet fairly diverse (not just kids shows or serialized tv or classic books, but more of a combination of it all. it really forces me to like. have to break barriers in my mind, as well as like!! keeping audience and tone and all that in my mind while i read/watch/listen.

74. You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

it's hard for me to really place any of the hallmarks of my writing that are super super distinct but!! Time Things are my big tell. ive pretty much always been obsessed with time and like these days there isnt a fic im writing without a big Looking Back component to it. salt pillars and vonnegut and orpheus and lot's wife. iykyk <33

76. Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of hope is our four-letter word?

i actually do have an extras doc!! it has some yosano and dazai hurt/comfort that i tried v hard to fit into the fic but just didnt fit into the narrative i was telling. here's a snippet of that (usual warnings for dazai-typical suicide attempts):

It’s Yosano that finds him, shivering in the crimson water, watching the blood seep out from his arms.  Yosano opens the door, and she’s more calm than she usually is. She’s a good doctor, infinitely better than Mori, and she knows how much her usual bedside manner would send him spiraling. She eases him out of the water quietly, and gives him a towel.  “Dazai,” she says, stitching the cuts lining his arms. “It wouldn’t have killed me,” he says. “It just nicked a vein.”  She wipes the blood and water away and begins wrapping his usual bandages around his arms. There’s something cold and horrible in him, spreading from his stomach to his bones to every inch of his skin. He wants to rip it all apart, until that emptiness is torn bloody from the rest of him, and that thing, that pain made from scalpel edges and sharper smiles, with all its hooks and too-sweet whispers, to be burned from him, even if it means dying. Especially if it means dying.  Yosano scowls. “Not yet. Dazai…” She doesn’t call him by his first name, because the first time she tried that, when he was in high school and just out of court, he had run, hearing what he always heard at the sound of his first name. Yosano is smart; she learns quickly, and she had found him huddled on a roof and smiled crookedly, offering a hand. 

there was also a chuuya and dazai hurt/comfort scene, kind of loosely based off of the scene intimitopia wrote in the light that the fire would bring chapter 5 where dazai has a panic attack (unintentionally) triggered by poe describing a bloody scene. this is before chuuya and dazai are really close, but chuuya sees dazai leave the room and follows him to the bathroom "to give him back his bag". it was also just one of those scenes that didnt have a place in the final cut and kind of opened a plotline that distracted from the main ones. it also felt a bit too plagiarismy to nick the concept straight from someone else's fic, especially someone in the fandom that i really admire.

i also found this snippet in the extras doc, which i think?? i was going to end with but i couldnt find a natural way to put it in:

“It will get better,” Chuuya decides on, and even though it’s the truth, it’s a shitty truth. He knows how much he hated it when he was a teenager, his whole life in a bag as he traveled from house to house to home. He says it anyway, because there really isn’t anything else he can say, and even if it’s hackneyed, it’s something. “It won’t,” Dazai says predictably. “It doesn’t.” “I didn’t say good,” Chuuya says. “Maybe it’ll never be good. It happens. But it’ll get better.” Dazai sounds doubtful. “It’ll get worse, too.” “Yeah,” Chuuya says, and he reaches for Dazai’s hand, “but that’s when you hold onto the better moments.” Dazai’s hand is always cold, like a reptile, a snake that stayed out of its burrow in the winter and turned icy. Chuuya lets his body heat warm Dazai’s hand, lets it twitch back to something resembling life.  “This is a better moment,” Dazai whispers, and Chuuya isn’t sure if he even meant to say it. Chuuya squeezes Dazai’s hand. “It is.”

i never did get to writing it, and by design the fic doesnt include dazai's backstory. it's a combination of him not being in a place where he wants to tell it to anyone, chuuya not wanting to have to be the person to ask, and yosano and ranpo both knowing that it's not their story to tell. the basics are that dazai was carted around as a half-hostage half-protege of mori's through his childhood. mori was a fairly well known serial killer at the time, and, similar to canon, oda is in the crime world but starting to get out of it. he becomes a very bright spot in dazai's life, being the one person that cared about dazai (in a non-fucked up manipulative way). ango was undercover and ranpo was one of the detectives working the case to get dazai out and mori behind bars. they do eventually, but like canon, not without oda dying. yosano, having been under mori's control in a similar way some years ago, helps them find dazai and eventually legally adopts him. they have their growing pains, and dazai basically becomes a shut-in all throughout high school, but that gets him to where he is at the time of the fic.

i doooo have like. specific ages written down for all of these events somewhere (probably in a notebook) but i dont really remember where

[junctionmmorg]

How to get greek letters on google docs

How to get greek letters on google docs how to#

How to get greek letters on google docs full#

How to get greek letters on google docs android#

How to get greek letters on google docs professional#

Step 5: In fact, you have to select the text option wrapper you can add the necessary text and modify it properly too the font should be done in a very perfect way too.Step 4: You have the ability to add an image or any text inside the doc.Step 3: You have to drag on the bottom of the whole page and add the border for sure.Step 2: Insert and got the section of the table then selected a cell and insert the cell.Step 1: First of all, try to add the page border then you need to go to file and go to Page Setup then click on page margin and clock ok.You can customize the doc and create an image for your fonts and styles with the way that you seek without any limitation too.

How to get greek letters on google docs professional#

Making your own cover page can handle the google docs a very professional in stylish look too.

How to get greek letters on google docs how to#

How to add a cover page on google docs in a very easy way?.

How you can insert cover page google docs?.

The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. It is derived from the earlier Phoenician alphabet, and was the first alphabetic script to have distinct letters for vowels as well as consonants. The Greek alphabet has been used to write the Greek language since the late ninth or early eighth century BC. What is the origin of the Greek alphabet? The actual word omega actually means the great o.

How to get greek letters on google docs full#

The first letter is alpha and a common saying used to be ‘From Alpha to Omega’ which has in recent times been updated to ‘From A to Z’, meaning running through the full range: From the beginning to the end. The last letter of the Greek alphabet is omega. Most important, some of the symbols of the Semitic alphabet, which represented only consonants, were made to represent vowels: the Semitic consonants ʾalef, he, yod, ʿayin, and vav became the Greek letters alpha, epsilon, iota, omicron, and upsilon, representing the vowels a, e, i, o, and u, respectively. What are the symbols of the Greek alphabet? The blue group developed into the modern Greek alphabet, while the red group developed into the Etruscan alphabet, other alphabets of ancient Italy and eventually the Latin alphabet. These local alphabets, known as epichoric, can be divided into three groups: green, blue and red. What are the names of the Greek alphabet? The only other similarity between Greek and Russian is that both languages are stressed (having pronunciation affected by stress marks) and inflected (both languages work with a system of cases). Russian has an alphabet quite similar to the Greek. Copy this special character in Google Docs and paste it into your spreadsheet. The special character is inserted into Google Docs first.Open your spreadsheet and also open a Google Doc.Method 2: Use Google Docs to Add a Symbol to Your Google Sheets How do I insert Greek symbols in Google Sheets? Add numbers or substitute variables in the box.Select the symbols you want to add from one of these menus: Greek letters.Click where you want to put the equation.How do I get Greek symbols in Google Sheets? Zeta (UK: /ˈziːtə/, US: /ˈzeɪtə/ uppercase Ζ, lowercase ζ Ancient Greek: ζῆτα, Demotic Greek: ζήτα, classical or zē̂ta Modern Greek: zíta) is the sixth letter of the Greek alphabet. It is used in Russian some other variant letters occur in other slavic (Bulgarian, Macedonian, Serbian, Ukranian) and non-slavic (Azerbaijani, Chechen, Kazakh, Kirgiz, Ossetian, Tadzhik, Tatar, Turkmen, Uzbek, etc.) languages using this alphabet. The basic Cyrillic alphabet is similar to the Greek. Once the model downloads, you’ll be ready to start using the new keyboard! You can either tap or glide type. icon in order to select the “Greek (abc -> Ελληνικά)” keyboard.

How to get greek letters on google docs android#

How do you type in Greek letters on Google?įirst, select the “Greek (abc -> Ελληνικά)” keyboard from the Gboard menu on your Android device.

[spockandawe]

Lectern Book Case Dimensions

Lectern books!!!!

Once again, I'm running further behind than I wanted to be, but I said I was going to do geometry to this thing, and goshdarnit, when has being redundant stopped me before.

Only, I don't think I'm being entirely redundant. I've seen other people do the basic geometry, but I wanted to come up with something that was completely customizable, from the viewing angle to the size of the hinge gaps. I wanted something that would work for books that were too large to be traced and drawn directly onto my available boards (cough cough, my latest wip).

I'm not dumping that entire writeup in a tumblr post, because I'm a dirty filthy engineer who littered the entire thing with subscripts and greek letters. I had such a good time, I'm not sorry at all. But here's what I do have for you. I made a nice diagram writeup of my dimensions and the equations that drive them. Tumblr's resolution may sabotage me, so a link to a google drive pdf copy will follow

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1QlycJjwsweGxPmR0InFTpqy9DXLIfDnB/view?usp=sharing

Here's a copy of the final version of my handwritten notes that drove this, which I share for my personal satisfaction

And now, here's a link to a google doc describing my process, equations included, and including a partial discussion of how to assemble the case.

This still isn't quite as accessible as I would like it to be, I do want to have a version of this that someone who DOESN'T bind books can still follow. I'm in the middle of building a prototype that will hold a standard three-ring binder. I'm going to keep working on that, but I think my personal life is about to get bananas, and I don't want to just leave this sitting on my computer taking up space.

Like with the fore edge painting slideshow, I'm not an expert, and I'm not the final word. I worked out this process for my own satisfaction, and the next step in satisfying myself is that I want to enable more people to do cool things. Take this, copy it to other platforms, share it with your friends, hoard it on your hard drive if you think it will be useful. It would be cool to get named for credit if you repost it, but that's not my main priority here. This is what I have for now, and I want to share it! Anyone who tries this, have fun!!!

Edit: This comic is literally me dumping a huge column of equations out on an unsuspecting audience

So I've added a spreadsheet link within the google doc! If you open it up and make a personal copy, it should let you enter your input values and it will spit out the dimensions of a trapezoid and two triangles for you. I have not had an opportunity to test it, please move with caution before cutting up a bunch of boards, but that was a hilarious gap in my goal of making this craft ""accessible,"" hahaha

[agustdiv1ne]

thank you + milestone!!

damn, never thought we'd get here, did we?

in all honesty, it's been a pretty shit year. march 'til now has felt like the same month on repeat with tiny tweaks to make it all so much worse. but i'm not here to complain about the worst parts of this year, i'm here to celebrate the best ones.

this was the year that i finally started writing, that i was finally spurred to open a google doc and just type away until a tiny work of fiction stared back at me. my first one was 1k words, a rant to get all of my emotions off of my chest with an idol as my muse. it felt...great, though it also felt a bit odd writing after being an avid reader for years. i always did prefer essays to creative writing, but this year definitely changed that perspective.

i wrote that first blurb along with another fic in late july, and in early august, i asked my friends if i should post them. om august 3rd, i changed this blog from a fic rec to a fic writing blog just like that. i regret none of it.

it's been nearly five months since i revamped this blog and i couldn't be more grateful for the support i have gotten from all of you, whether it be a kind comment, a like, a reblog, all of it. i never thought anyone would like my content, but i've been proven severely wrong by this community. from my irls that are on here, to my lovely mutuals and followers, to those i've talked to a lil bit on this hellsite, to the writers whose fics i absolutely adore, to those who have left a like or a comment on one of my fics, i want to say thank you from the very bottom of my heart ♡

have a happy and healthy new year! i love and appreciate every single one of you!!

though i'm painfully bad at writing letters and getting all sappy, i wanted to write them anyways hahaha let's goooo

to @hwaddict:

my irl best friend!! my partner in crime!!!! i love you sm carly, and there are not enough words in this world for me to describe the extent of my love. you have been there for me during my lowest moments, you've seen me cry, and i don't cry in front of many ppl. i trust you with my life and i'm so glad that we became friends back in middle school bc you are one reasons that spur me to keep going. i can't wait to see where life takes us and know that while i might not always be able to be there physically (especially with college right around the corner), i will always be there for you in any way i can be. again i love you and i can't wait to conquer next year with you ♡♡

to @hopejanaee:

hope!! hobi!!! one of my irls! though we just became friends earlier this year, it feels like we've been friends for ages. it's crazy how close we grew so quickly but i am so grateful to have you in my life. you never fail to make me laugh whenever we're together and you're so chaotic but in such a good way hahaha. you were the one who got me into writing with your own wonderful fics so thank yoi for that. i'm so happy that we became friends because you're so kind and caring and ahhhhhh i love u sm ♡

to @oikawasmilkbread:

we talked for like 0.2 seconds but you are so kind and hella cool!! it was nice having random conversations with you and i'm so glad you randomly dmed me bc i am shy and i have 0 idea how to start conversations with anyone lmao. i always smile when i see you in my notifs! i hope you have a happy new year!!! ♡

to @luthenia:

i know you're on hiatus but seeing you in my notifs always excites me hahaha. we never talk but you are so supportive of everyone in this community and i just wanted to shout you out for that! your memes are top tier LMAO and i can't wait for when you come back, happy new year ♡

to @starsforten:

we also talked for approximately 1 second but it was so fun talking to you about astrology stuff (virgo sun libra rising gang hahahaha) and those teuta matoshi dresses! you are so nice and easy to talk to and i hope your new year is happy and fruitful! ♡

i recommend every single one of these blogs for their amazing content!! i added some of my favorite fics as i'm a whore for great writing hahaaaa

@kinktae

waterloo — a masterpiece! taehyung is so bitter at the beginning and it's adorable seeing how y/n breaks his tough shell. loved this from beginning to the end ♡

hot rod — the 50s slang, the dynamic between hoseok and y/n...*chef's kiss*

@untaemedqueen

welcome to seoul land — werewolf!namjoon really got me going, 100/10 would recommend

graceful gods — this is one of my all-time favorites, greek god!jungkook has my brain going brrrr

@shadowsremedy + @therealmintedmango

support system — adorable!! this is a hybrid!yoongi fic i really enjoy, and the series isn't over yet! check it out~

@bratkook

tear you apart — demon!taehyung...holy shit. i was speechless

@tatertotthethot

the doms next door — THIS SERIES OMG, i've read each part at least five times already. taekook got me acting UP

scream (posted to @yandere-society) — a really cool take on the movie scream with jungkook, yandere fics don't always appeal to me but this one absolutely did

@ateezmakemeweep

broken — the immense ache i felt in my chest while reading this, but i loved both parts with a burning passion. san is so sweet in this :')

@atinybrew

dirty free for all — the ULTIMATE demon!san fic. the writing is absolutely immaculate and this is the first fic that had me blushing down my mf ARMS

rice milk lattes and bryophytes roads — another san fic admittedly because i'm whipped for san lol. anyways, this was cute and hot at the same time and best friend!yunho made my double biasing ass that much happier

@seacottons

pan — an adorable peter pan!hongjoong fic, it had my heart going achhfhsjfjsjf

sir kiss me — circus au with san holy hell i loved every twist and turn of this

@actuallythatwaspromise

bad romance — one of my favorite yunho fics ever, punk rock!yunho x nerd!reader has my entire heart

aurora garden center and desire ink — florist!mingi had me uwuing for the entire fic, this was adorable and i loved it sm

@yeonjuncore

every single fic on this blog is an absolute masterpiece, i swear

the devil's little angel — THIS IS ONE OF MY ULTIMATE FAVORITES, demon!yeonjun had me screaming and it was just so fun to read and i loved every single second of it so much that i've read it nearly ten times now. so go read it, you won't regret it!

the boy with the horns — another of my ultimate favorites (i told you, their writing is just that amazing), woodland fey!soobin just had me going so soft :(( i literally sobbed at one point, that's how invested i was

bleeding heart — the tension between vampire!yeonjun and vampire slayer!reader had me screeching

curtain call — i have a sad crush vampire!soobin

i love you, always — this felt so..bittersweet? taehyun loves y/n so much, i lowkey cried while reading this

@angelfic

the art of (mis)communication — i am a whore for both reconciliation and yeonjun, 100000/10 pls read this i beg of you

@angelictaehyun

growing pains — ahhh once again a yeonjun fic, my chest hurt a lil bit at some points but it was so sweet!!

@neovisioned

bed of spiderwebs — spiderman!mark has my heart screeching, i loved every second of it ♡

eddie ate dynamite — johnny suh coming for my throat yet again

cupid victorious — cupid!jaehyun :'))) definitely one of my favorites!!

@domjaehyun

quarantine chronicles — ok if you haven't read this or the part two yet then you're missing out big time!! the tension, the buildup, every single part of this fic was just *chef's kiss* but multiply thay by a million

all these years — every single moment of this felt so nostalgic and the ending was so sweet :')

@caiuscassiuss

muse — i keep going back to this one constantly, the angst in this phenomenal and i love artist!taeyong sm here

@neoct-zen

loverboy — HOT, AMAZING, I SCREAMED. the blurbs that accompany this are also top-tier i recommend reading each and every one!!

@moondustis

pink + white — i'm so soft for mark i stg, this was the cutest thing ever

@loviejaehyun

can't avoid this feeling — hockey player!mark is the best thing ever

all tied up — i just- screamed as i read this bc professor!jaehyun is too hot goodbye

@hopejanaee

incapable — this is one of the best yoongi fics i've ever read ngl, it's not completed quite yet but the parts that have been posted are top tier!!

breathless — THIS. I LOVED THIS. yuta is just so hfjshhfhshfnsn and i love this sm

@hwaddict

melting point — big boy mingiiii, 100/10 would recommend

@okayau

house next to mine — frat boy!yeonjun rly got me going, cute and hot at the same time ahhhhbfnsnnf

youth — ADORABLE, yeonjun's confession is peak i love it here

run away — how many yeonjun fics can i fit in this post? (answer: a lot) definitely one of my favorite harry potter aus!! it was awesome seeing how their relationship changed throughout the years and perhaps i teared up a little at the end :'))

@starrychannies

baby steps — ONE OF ALL-TIME MY FAVORITE FICS ON THIS SITE, every single part is so well-written and ahhhhhfhdhhf chan makes me feel some type of way

my stupid — another yeonjun fic! angsty but v cute at the end :')

@baekhvuns

this youth of craziness — 40k words of pure gold, this fic is absolutely one of my favorite san fics ever!!

replacement — prince!ten makes my brain go brrrr, i love how the y/n just speaks her mind here

@masterninjacow

untitled project — i saw soulmate au with mark and i knew would already love it, and i did! pizza boy!mark at that, amazing and i adored it

more amazing blogs!!: @galaxteez, @poutybinz, @lustjoong, @bloominghigh

these are just a few of the fics and blogs i found this year, find more on my fic rec blog @agustdiv1ne-recs!! (my thumbs are starting to hurt i'm so sorry bfjshfhsh)

wrapping up each month since august since that's when i actually started posting LMAO

☆ august

03: good enough — chan

03: bloodsucker — seonghwa

04: cutie — san

09: veloxrotaphobia — mingi

19: want — changbin

21: numb — yunho

100 follower special — i reached 100 followers towards the end of august, my first ever milestone :') also my first ever time taking requests, 'twas very fun ♡

☆ september

03: on camera — jungkook

☆ october

27: oh, worm? — namjoon

31: demon days — san

☆ november

10: a letter to my love — xiaojun

23: bad for u — jaehyun

27: home sweet home — yeonjun

☆ december

christmas bash 2020 — my brain went hey what if you did this- and i listened so here's 17 holiday fics hahahaa (not all of them are out yet but i'm working on it!!)

things i plan to release in 2021!!

☆ sunflower — jimin

☆ cross — yeonjun

☆ landslide — seonghwa

☆ nice save — san

☆ red — hyunjin

☆ a secret series (that will be revealed once i plan everything) — ateez

☆ 4 unrelated secret fics oOoOoo — will i reveal them? you'll just have to wait and see ;)

there will definitely be more posted! these are the ones that are going to be my priority at first, but my imagination is always churning so expect a lot more :)) check out all of non-secret wips here!

i hit 500 followers a couple days ago! i nearly screamed when i saw that LMAO. thank you so much for liking my content because i work hella hard on it :') sometimes i feel like i don't deserve y'all really, but @hwaddict will yell at me if i say that so ig i take it back hfhshhdhg

a post for celebrating this milestone will come as soon as i finish up the rest of my christmas fics!! sorry that i'm so slow :( (hint: my requests will be open, so look out for it!)

so yeah!! that's it, sorry for the painfully long post (i'm sorry to my thumbs for typing this whole thing out </3). thank you to everyone who read this far!! i hope everyone has a happy and healthy new year, and in the words of txt's cover, fuck 2020. may 2021 be a much better year for all of us!!!

much love,

ashlee ♡

[fessel-vox]

(idea dumping right here since I opened up a google doc)

Alright, so we have a planet that’s entire water, that starts with the letter “T”

Something with the sound “Tir” in it? Tirrentis. Torndris. Tripis. Thelin. Turrrel.

But anyways, even though everything is submerged in water, there’s a lot of variation of the layout of the sea floor. In some places it’s very, very shallow, maybe a handful of feet deep, while in other areas it goes down, down, down for hundreds upon thousands of miles.

Maybe there are just a few places that peak out of the water, but they’re temporary islands or very, very muddy bits of land, just a few inches above sea level. Cool creatures could be there; maybe some creatures with some sort of lungs.

Maybe there’s fish that could fly, or leap high, high up out of the water, and for generations and generations they lept high and higher for longer and longer until they just.. Didn’t come down and travelled the skies in search of water-dwelling creatures to prey upon or bits of plants on the surface to eat.

Speaking of plants, I feel like there’s a lot of those. There’d be kelp forests, like the ones we’d have here, and maybe areas where there’s a ton of plants floating on the ocean surface, because it’s really easy to get sun at the very surface, but they cast dark, dark shadows underneath them if the masses of plants on the sea’s surface get too thick. There’s definitely animals that feast on them, as well as entire ecosystems just based around these plants that thrive on the water’s surface. A lot of these masses of plants only span from a yard to a small house’s, in terms of length and width, but there are some of these masses that go on for miles upon miles. I feel like these masses of plants are named something. I’ll need to check my list of greek roots for that.

The weather would be funky, too. Maybe there’d be seasons, where rain or “drought” is more frequent. I say drought, because I currently don’t have any other term in mind to use for describing several yards of water being evaporated. During these periods of “drought” more land masses become revealed from underneath the waves, although all of them are really small and/or only a tiny amount above sea level. I feel like quite a few species have incorporated these “drought” periods into how they live, whether by when and how they nest, migration, or something else.

Raging storms are also common because I think that’d be cool. When they strike, most creatures would retreat deeper if they’re able to, but some might stick around by the surface for reasons yet to be determined.

Keep in mind the existence of hydrothermal vents, underwater volcanoes, earthquakes, etc. Just because everything is underwater doesn’t mean there isn’t geological events like those that have the ability to significantly shape the environment.

Enormous jellyfish that look absolutely beautiful. Might be very poisonous and/or venomous, though, to ward off predators or creatures that may harm them, or maybe the young versions of these jellyfish are very poisonous and/or venomous, only, and they loose that potency as they grow bigger and bigger, the venom/poison they had getting stretch too thin over their matter that it becomes essentially null. Maybe these jellyfish are able to reach for and grab prey with their sticky tentacles, or simply dangle them as they get pulled along by currents, sometimes bringing them to their mouths if it feels like there’s a certain amount of matter stuck onto them.

Leviathans: giant, snakelike sea monsters. The smallest of these at maturity are called Tofik; while they’re still sort of long and can easily become hostile in the wild or with new people, they’re only a fraction of a threat compared to the other species of leviathan, and are thus commonly kept as guard animals and sometimes as pets. There are strict regulations for owning a Tofik, in some areas, given their easily agitated nature towards new people. Most of the time, once bonded with a person or family, they become very loyal and defensive of them. Tofik are also rather smart and are able to be taught commands with time, patience, and lots of positive reinforcement, usually in the form of food. Think of Leviathans as wolves of the sea, and domesticated Tofik as only a few generations off from those wolves. Efforts are being made, with some success, to selectively breed Tofik and obtain a version of them that would be less volatile to own or be near.

[gusenitsaa]

Daylight Fading

Alternate version of the underworld arc toying with the idea that people in the underworld gradually forget themselves. A twist on greek mythology once-ified because why not!

The idea came out of the 'all headcanons come with a price' discord conversation with @icecubelotr44​  @pirate-owl​ and was saved from the abyss of our own forgetfulness by @rumdaydreams​ saving it in a google doc. Sooooo... beware of angst.  Artwork by @queen-mabs-revenge​ included to unexpectedly hurt her with her own stuff, obviously. 

Read on FF.

He could still feel the heat of it and the chill.

She's gone. Or he was. There was no one to fight, no one to fight for. No course to plot.

He was dead.

The underworld mocked him with familiar streets. If he were to look he was quite certain there would be a caricature of the home he meant to share with Emma, but he didn't want to see it.

The Rabbit hole was here and it seemed as good a place as any to hide and lick his wounds. It wasn't called the Rabbit Hole down here. Here the sign above the door read "Three Sheets" with what could only be described as three cartoon pillow cases flapping in the breeze on the logo.

Killian sighed in irritation, mumbling under his breath "that's not what bloody sheet me-" his annoyed comment got caught in his throat when the door opened in front of him and his eyes locked on the man behind the bar. "Liam?" the name came out choked and Killian was frozen in place, staring. He had shed the uniform for a sweater and slacks but it was without a doubt… his big brother.

For a moment he wasn't sure if he could force his legs to move. They felt as wobbly as they had moments ago when he'd collapsed with a sword in his chest. Finally he managed a deep breath, steadying himself. A smile pulled at his lips then broadened into a grin. He had not truly dared to hope that he might see Liam again someday; was so certain that men like him and men like his brother could never be going to the same place. But it was him, Liam, working as efficiently behind the bar as he ever had before the mast, what he could see of the place just as neat and tidy as he would expect.

Killian walked up to the bar in a daze, half convinced it was all a dream. It became a nightmare in a single moment when Liam met his eyes and there is nothing.

"Can I get you something?"

Killian was frozen in place for a moment, staring dumbly. Liam's eyes drifted down the bar to the next customer with a hint of annoyance. He didn't even meet Killian's eyes again when he said "Let me know when you decide" and moved on to the person occupying the next stool.

And still Killian stared at him like a bloody fool, trying not to sob like a child because damn it if it wasn't his one desperate hope when he woke up in this hellish place. Finding them, maybe being able to see them once more before... whatever the hell happens to men like him. Some part of him wanted to run, to hide away from this torment, from the brother who doesn't know him, who looks through him like he was just one more face in the crowd (he WAS just one more face in the crowd.) Another part is rooted in place, unable to give up the sight of his brother, even if Liam doesn't know him now.

He can't move, can't leave even as Liam gives him a sharp look when he realizes Killian is still staring at him.

Finally Liam approached him again but it's only to tersely ask "are you drinking or just taking up space at my bar?"

Killian can barely manage the word "rum" without his voice shaking.

He hoped like hell the rum will give him the strength to speak. To do something other than stare and hurt and hope that he'd wake from this nightmare and Liam would look at him... just look at him. The rum makes the room fuzzy eventually, other patrons filtering out over time until it's just the two of them and a few bar flies in the corner that Killian imagines will likely stay until Liam kicks them out.

"It fades," Liam finally told him, when enough customers have left that he had no choice but to engage the new customer that has been watching him all night. "Whatever it is from topside that haunts you so. It will fade."

Killian took another drink, trying to just... drown enough of the rawness to be able to speak.

"What fades?" he finally managed.

"Everything." Liam shrugged. There's something almost sad in his tone and it's like another dagger through Killian's heart. "Your life above. The good and the bad, it all fades here."

"You don't remember anything?" Killian couldn't help but ask. Even though he dreaded the finality of the answer.

"Just... feelings. I think it hurt a lot. Topside." Liam shrugged, "it's probably better this way."

Killian swallowed hard and put down his empty glass. "Aye, perhaps it is."

He tries to blame the heaviness of his steps on the liquor as he finally managed to drag himself from the stool and out the door, away from Liam's gaze. He barely managed to make it outside the door before collapsing heavily against the wall outside, his eyes burning with tears he refused to let fall.

It fades. Liam's words echo in his head. There's nothing left now. Liam didn't remember him, Milah has been gone nearly so long as Liam, surely her love has faded as well… And his own. The desperate love he still clings to. For Liam, for Milah. For Emma and Henry and her family... it will all fade. Until there is nothing left of him at all. Just a shell who remembers nothing more than: It hurt. But maybe it's better now.

The door swung open and the barflies were ushered from the bar by Liam's stern voice. "off with you gents, see you tomorrow-" And then Liam was kneeling next to him, his eyes a peculiar sort of distant kindness. Warmth without recognition. Concern without love. Liam's hand came down on his shoulder and he flinched away, the shadow of what they'd once had hurting more than indifference.

"What's your name?" Liam asked and Killian almost doesn't answer. His head fell heavily onto his hand, unable to look at Liam while he answered. "Killian. It's Killian Jones."

"Killian Jones?" There's no recognition in his voice but there was something else... curiosity.

"Come inside, Killian Jones-" The offer sounded like an order and Killian obeyed without question.

Liam helped him to his feet and back into the bar and Killian slumped into a booth, still barely able to look at Liam. He disappearer into the back room for a minute and Killian wondered if he'd even return, or if pity had driven him to let him in like a stray cat out of the cold. When the door opened again there was a yellowed envelope in Liam's hand. "I don't know for sure if this will mean anything to you… but …" He offered the envelope to Killian without a word.

Killian recognized Liam's handwriting on the front immediately, Killian Jones written in his brother's neat cursive. The paper is fragile with age and Killian takes it gently and unfolds the letter within.

Killian,

I'm so sorry Killian. I should have listened to you. I never wanted to leave you alone. It was the one thing I swore I'd never do and yet my stubbornness led me to break the only promise that was ever worth keeping. And now I fear I may leave you more alone than I ever thought possible.

I've forgotten your birthday, Killian. I remember the time I nicked apples from the market for you to celebrate, soft bread, double rations if I could manage no more than giving you my own. I remember how desperately I wanted your birthday to still be special. Despite everything. But I don't remember what day it is now.

I was told things fade. I didn't believe them. I didn't believe it was possible that I could ever ever forget you. But it seems even my stubbornness has its limits. I fear that more will fade. That I will never even know all of the precious memories that have abandoned me in this place. That one day you may join me here and find a man who doesn't even remember how much he loves you.

I don't know how to stop it. But I will fight it. I love you little brother and if these pages are all that is left of me I am so very sorry I've failed you again. Please know that I tried.

Your Brother, always

Liam

Killian's hand shook as he set the letter down, worried he'd tear it if he clutched at it any tighter. He'd long since lost the fight against his own tears but he didn't care anymore. He chanced a look at his brother-

"I found them when I was cleaning out the back room one day," Liam offered, his voice small. "There's more... a lot more. I haven't read them all but... he must have loved you very much."

Killian nodded, not trusting his voice for a moment. "Can I see them?"

There were more, so many more. A sizable box filled with envelopes, each with Killian's name neatly on the front. Far too many for Liam to really have found them while cleaning. But Killian knew what had happened. He'd woken one day no longer remembering Killian's name, or his own and come to the only conclusion that he could make sense of. Someone else had left them here during the night.

Some were longer than others, some little more than stories, things Liam couldn't bear to forget. A race against time, against his own failing mind. The early letters were crumpled, as though Liam had spent hours rereading them, trying to solidify their contents in his mind by sheer force of will.

He found lists amongst the letters, and short notes to himself, reminders in abbreviated form, nearly worn through from being folded in a pocket day in and day out.

Killian Jones, your little brother. Don't forget him. You can't forget him.

The letters changed. Fewer memories, more action reports. Recording the courses he'd already tried in his desperate attempts to protect his memories, lists of books he'd already read, more lists of books he'd yet to read.

He found one from the day Milah died, smudged with tears and with a faded charcoal drawing clipped to it.

I forgot your face, Killian. I'm sorry. But she gave it back to me.

Liam didn't hover while he was reading, retreating to the bar so as not to intrude into something that seemed to have so little to do with him. For a moment he was grateful Liam didn't see the tears that filled Killian's eyes. Liam had been hurting so badly, was so desperately trying to hold on to his memories even though they hurt. He was trying so hard, was so desperate that the only thing that remained in the end was this vague feeling that whatever came before hurt. For a moment Killian wondered if maybe it really was better this way. Because if he remembered he'd have to remember everything. Their cursed childhood, their struggles just to survive, every beating he'd ever taken to keep his little brother safe, every one he couldn't save Killian from. Neverland. Dying. His own mind abandoning him piece by piece.

This way it's gone. The agony, the pain, the desperation, the guilt.

(the love, the loyalty.)

Killian pulled out the last letter. It was little more than a list of books. One was circled and marked with a question mark and a scrawled.

Find someone who can read greek?

He no longer remembered learning to read Greek, apparently.

Killian finally looked up at Liam. He was still tidying up but he recognized the inefficient movements for what they were. He was stalling, giving Killian time to read.

"Can I take these with me?" he asked.

"They're yours."

The next day Killian started reading where Liam left off.

Liam had been so close. There were little tiny x's in the bottom right of every book's title page that Liam had read and notes scribbled into the margins with an uncharacteristic messiness. It took Killian very little time to find and translate the book that Liam had thought was important but could no longer remember how to read.

It doesn't take him long to find in the mythology a common thread of forgetfulness in the underworld tied to the rivers and the food. He stops eating and drinking himself. It was uncomfortable at first. The mind thinks it is in need when it truly isn't. But he got used to it. Realized that down here it wasn't truly needed. And most importantly, unlike everyone else, his life above wasn't fading. He could still remember, everything. He has his own versions of letters. To Emma and Henry, to Milah and Liam and David and everyone it would pain to one day find him with no memories of them. He checked his mind against them daily and while people around him arrived and faded, his memories remained sharp.

What he doesn't know is if they could come back. If he could bring his brother back by getting him away from that water. If he should, even if it were possible.

"If it were true, would you want to remember?" Killian asked one day, sitting at the bar with a rum he wasn't drinking in one hand, watching Liam carefully.

"If what were true?"

"The letters you found. My brother's letters. If it were you, would you want to remember?" Liam shrugged a little, taking a sip of water behind the bar which Killian struggled not to smack from his hand.

"Doesn't matter if I would want to remember," Liam said finally.

Killian's eyes furrowed, "Why not?"

"Because he wanted to remember."

With one sentence the days of conflict in his mind stilled. Liam was right…. he was always right. It wasn't his decision to make. He didn't have to decide if this shadow of his brother was better off without the memories of his old life.

Liam had fought for those memories. Desperately. With a fervor that stretched for pages and pages of stories and notes and scribbles on the margins of books in languages he no longer knew how to read.

Liam wanted to remember.

But how do you convince someone to forego something so basic as food and drink?

If you're Captain Hook… you wait until after closing, knock them over the head and cuff them to their own bed behind their own bar.

"I'm sorry," he whispered when Liam came around.

"What the bloody hell are you doing!" Liam cried, tugging at the cuff. Where did you even get these?"

"There's a sheriff's station down here too."

"Let me go, Killian, this is mad."

"Give me three days, Liam," Killian begged. "Three days without the food and water of this place and if you don't remember anything-" "Gods, you think I'm him?" Liam stammered, "You think I'm your brother. We share a first name, that doesn't make me him. Do you have any idea how many Liams there are in the underworld?"

"Is it so much more mad than your theory, that Liam Jones simply slipped into your room one night and left a box of letters and vanished?"

"You are mad."

"Perhaps. We'll decide in three days."

Liam was NOT a well behaved captive. Though Killian should have supposed he wouldn't be. For hours he screamed for help from the patrons he was sure were on the other side of the door. They weren't. The door was locked and the door reinforced with a broken bar stool. Even so Killian almost gave in then, his brother's cries lodging sharp in his heart. After that he tried to convince Killian by plea threat or logic that this was madness.

Maybe he was making a mistake, maybe Liam didn't really want…

He shook his head. He'd made a deal with himself for three days. For the version of his brother who had wanted this.

Well... perhaps not this exactly.

Definitely not what Liam had in mind.....  

Part 2

Leave me a note! I live off reviews and tears.

[catchmewiddershins]

I love and greatly appreciate my Latin teacher for trying to help me get my head round the sheer ton of stuff I have to grasp in two weeks but mate…

I love you but like… while your really long google doc with lots of details AND practice questions is undeniably helpful… I’m a bit stressed now… because I’m only on 1 category

And I have two weeks

And a practice the day after tmrw

So like I love you for that… But idk how I’m gonna learn it

I’ve decided to not revise Greek and Roman mythology, if there is ONE THING I HAVE ANY CONFIDENCE IN IT IS THAT

Idk where I got my repertoire of myths from but it’s there and it’s good

I will revise Egyptian mythology tho

They’re fun

AS SOON AS I GET UNSTUCK FROM THIS STUPID PANIC INDUCING INSCRIPTION PDF- I took a break to read a Roman guy complaining that’s fun BUT ALL THE SOURCES I HAVE ARE REALLY BASIC BCS THOSE ARE THE EASIEST ONES TO GET HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO STAND OUT

Also like, my teachers practice questions: how do this person’s letters compare to that person’s

Me: has not read that person’s letters

Me: frantic google

[whatmakesamericagreatessay511]

paper writer

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[ruleandruinrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, MADDIE!

You have been accepted for the role of STASYA BELOV with a faceclaim change to Imaan Hammam. Admin Rosey: I think I just about screamed when I arrived to the end of your application. I couldn't believe that someone would be so cruel as to put me through the love affair of Alexei and Stasya, then rip it away as brutally as you did. So, in order to return your cruelty in kind, I thought it best to give Stasya to you so that you may suffer with the rest of us at Rule and Ruin. Maddie, I absolutely swooned over your application. It made me laugh, it made me cry, and -- most importantly -- it gave Stasya that breath of life. Everything about it was perfect, from the 'What drew you' section to the ending summarization of her and her littlest tendencies. It was perfect. You're perfect -- and I want more. You have 24 HOURS to send in your account. Also, remember to look at the CHECKLIST. Welcome to Ravka!

OUT OF CHARACTER

ALIAS: Maddie! PREFERRED PRONOUNS: they/them or she/her AGE: twenty TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: I’m in PST, and I’d say my activity level is a solid seven. I currently do not have wifi in my home, but I’m planning to get it soon—so that shouldn’t hinder my activity too much! I am doing some travelling this summer, but I’ll never be without my laptop. Honestly, I think I could find a way to get online even if I was six feet under, so no worries! I should be able to do replies at least every other day, but you guys will be the first to know if anything changes. TRIGGERS: OMITTED CURRENT/PAST ACCOUNTS: N/A. 

NOTE: I have a Google Doc here, because the submit box always seems to fuck up my formatting. I’ve noticed it did take away all of my italicized words, so to read it exactly how I meant it to be read you can go there!

IN CHARACTER

 DESIRED CHARACTER:

Stasya Belov: the orphan, the martyr, the sparrow, the soldier, the lover, the kind.

( STASYA. ) Derived from the name Greek name Anastasia, meaning “resurrection” or “life,” the name was at first such a cruel reminder that Stasya had been given the gift of death and destruction. They loved the way it sounded on the tongues of others, like a sigh of relief or a whistle of the wind they so easily harbored, but they couldn’t justify detaching it from its meaning. They were never sure why the meaning meant so much to them—surely whoever gave them the name never spared a second thought for it—but still it haunted them. If they were life, why did blood trail behind them in the battlefield? Eventually, they learned to love their name. So many people associated it with their own gentility and rare kindness that the name took on a new meaning. It wasn’t long, however, until they were reminded of its true meaning—the one they so desperately wanted to fit them for most of their life. Resurrection. Life. Stasya often thinks the words as they lay their hand flat over their womb.

( BELOV. ) Meaning “white,” this was a name Stasya gave much less weight to. It was more of a formality than anything: no one shared the name with them—not that they knew of, at least—and it didn’t connect them to their bloodline. Instead, they found their own family. They picked up members in the dusty corners of dark rooms, abandoned streets, scarlet-stained battlefields—and they were bound to them by love, by choice, and not by name. However, being as sentimental as they are, it’s impossible to live with a name for twenty-one years and not find some deeper meaning in it. Stasya has always looked as their surname as reminder: be love. On the days kindness comes less easily, Stasya remembers the surname that will always be with them, and they remember the sentiment they assigned to it. Be love, be loved, Belov.

WHAT DREW YOU TO THIS CHARACTER?

A lot of things made Stasya feel like the character I was meant to play. For starters, I’m often drawn to soft characters, because I think it’s more difficult to be soft than it is to be harsh and jaded. I like to explore the struggle of staying gentle when the world is anything but. I don’t think that’s always easy for Stasya, to see the good in everything. They can’t always be wearing their rose-colored glasses. I also love the challenge of taking a character like Stasya, the Token Good Character™ and making them into a well-rounded and believable character. I think it’s so easy to take nice characters and make them into shining beacons of light, but to me Stasya is so much more than that. It’s mentioned that some of the characters, like Vasily, view Stasya as “ethereal.” Ethereal is such a one-dimensional thing to be—it’s a concept. I really wanted to explore what made this character more than that, what made them flawed. I think, at their core, Stasya is just a character who’s trying their very best. They’ve experienced so many awful things, and sometimes it’s really just a matter of trying to keep their head above water. Sometimes they’re kind to others merely because it makes them feel a bit lighter inside.

I was also intrigued by Stasya’s background. I’ve played a lot of characters with loved ones that have died, and while that’s probably because I love angst and death, I also think it’s because I’m drawn to the idea of a Before and an After. With Stasya, there is a distinct experience that changed who they were forever. There was the person they were before they met their lover, and there is the person they are now. I love to explore that development, to carry it on in-game. I think Stasya is a character that will be ever-changing, because their pregnancy is so new and their grief is so fresh. The development already set up in their bio gave me no shortage of ideas, and I think that’s the kind of exciting character everyone looks forward to playing.

I also love the contrast between who they are and the power that they harbor. I think it adds a lot of tragedy to them, because they can so easily kill but all they want to do is help. This is an internal struggle that I can really feel and empathize with. OKAY AND THIS IS LESS WELL-WORDED BUT I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANY ROLEPLAY INCLUDE A NON-BINARY CHARACTER WHO IS A PARENT. I THINK PREGNANCY IS SOMETHING OFTEN AVOIDED WITH CHARACTERS OF NON-BINARY IDENTITIES BUT IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND THAT NON-BINARY PEOPLE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT RANGES OF COMFORT WITH CONCEPTS THAT ARE SEEN AS “GENDERED.” I AM NON-BINARY AND I REALLY WANT TO BE A MOTHER SOMEDAY. I JUST FELT KIND OF REPRESENTED AND I LOVE THAT. Ahem. Anyway.

I could ramble on for, like, twenty pages on why I love Stasya—but I think I’ll stop myself there.

WHAT FUTURE PLOT IDEAS DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

( ONE. ) I would love to explore a future romance or companionship. While I’m not sure anything at this moment in time could be endgame for Stasya, I think a part of them is really desperate to feel as though someone loves them unconditionally. They might already have this in Neysa, but I think they really want something akin to what they had with Alexei. Of course, they’re in no place to replace him, but it might be therapeutic for them to be able to dote on a feel-good romance. I also think they’re a bit desperate to find their baby another parent. They know they will be an excellent mother, but they want their child to have the absolute perfect life, and they think that perfect life could have existed if Alexei, the father of the child, was still around.

( TWO. ) Throughout their life, Stasya has always been able to find compassion for everyone—even those who truly were not good people. I think a part of them can even find compassion for Vasily, though they’d still rather keep their distance from him. I’d like to explore a relationship in which Stasya truly hates someone. This hatred would really get to them; it might really tear them apart. I think The Darkling is an example of someone they might not be able to find compassion for. I’d really like to see how they handle true hatred, because I don’t think that’s something they’ve ever addressed before.

( THREE. ) There is a lot of mention of them being a “martyr,” but at this point they aren’t truly a martyr. They haven’t yet been kicked from the army or exiled for their beliefs. However, I think that might be an interesting route to explore. When news gets out of their pregnancy, surely they will not be allowed to go to battle throughout the entirety of the nine months. I also wonder what might happen to their child. Will they be allowed to keep it? What will people think when they know who the father is? I know for a fact that Stasya will not let anyone take their child. They would much rather be a mother than a soldier, and they will not lie about who the father is, either. I know they could be labeled as a traitor for sleeping with someone who killed so many of their own kind, and I’d like to discover the consequences of this. I think it might bring out a much darker side to them.

WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO HAVE YOUR CHARACTER DIE?:

Always.

IN DEPTH

IN CHARACTER PARA SAMPLE(S):

Baby Bird, You will hear a thousand different accounts of the kind of man your father was. Most of them will not be easy to accept, but most of them will be true. He did bad things, and he was misguided, but I don’t want you to remember him for that. I will read this letter to you every day if I have to—anything for you to accept this one truth before any of the others: Your father was a good soul. Not all killers are evil, just as not all rulers are cruel and not all soldiers are jaded. Your father was a good person, regardless of what anyone will say.

He had a great capacity for love.

 “Stasya?”

They’d been half-asleep, still standing but their head resting on the bars of Alexei’s cell. Previously they were told not to get too close to him, to never tear their gaze away, but it was late and the trust they’d already put in Alexei was so much stronger than their sense of duty. They had been standing like that for half an hour—their limbs slack, their eyelids too heavy to open, completely off-guard—and the jailed man hadn’t touched them. He hadn’t done anything, really, until he broke the silence with a whisper of their name. His voice was so soft, so airy and smooth, that Stasya had almost mistook it for a breeze. After a moment, they shifted an inch or two.

“Stasya,” Alexei’s voice had managed to be even softer this time; it was such a difference from his deep, gravelly voice. Their name had never felt so safe on someone else’s tongue.

The corners of Stasya’s lips twitched upward into an invisible smile, and they wrenched one eye open to meet Alexei’s honey-sweet gaze. “Hm?”

“Who takes care of you?”

Suddenly, Stasya was awake. They pushed themself up from the wall, both their eyes now frantically searching Alexei’s expression. What was that supposed to mean? No one had ever asked them such a question. Their eyebrows knit together, just slightly, and their invisible smile turned into a vague frown.

“I mean, who…,” Alexei shook his head, staring toward the ground as though a script was there for him to read.

“You’re always watching after everyone else—who watches after you? Someone must.”

Stasya’s curls fell to frame their face as they mirrored his shaking head. “I don’t know,” they began to relax again, allowing their shoulders to settle. “The second army. My fellow soldiers. I have—I have a lot of friends, you know. A lot of good companions.”

Alexei shifted his gaze back to them, his eyes smiling. “I thought you to be quite popular.”

Their grin was less subtle now. They shuffled closer to his cell, wrapping their fingers around a bar. “I am,” Stasya watched him carefully as he finally stood and took a step toward them. Their voice was nearly a whisper as they added, “I have…a world of support surrounding me.”

The playful look dropped from Alexei’s face—a sign that he’d caught their lie. Instead of voicing it, though, he slowly reached out a hand. Stasya didn’t make a sound, hardly even took a breath, as they waited for his fingers to graze theirs. He rested a hand on theirs, palm curving over their knuckles. His hands were cold and clammy, and something told them that he wasn’t used to this kind of soft intimacy.

Regardless, the touch got his message across. I’m here for you, it said.

Stasya cautiously removed their hand from the bar, replacing the metal with Alexei. They laced their fingers in-between his, running their thumb along the back of his palm. Their eyes never once met his—didn’t even flicker to his face—but their touch easily delivered a message, too. And I’m here for you.

His grasp was so gentle, so steady and compassionate, that Stasya didn’t once remember that those same hands had brought so much bloodshed just days before.

He was strong and fearless in the name of love, and he taught me that I was the same.

Stasya was instructed to enter Alexei’s cell to interrogate him, but can’t remember now what he had said to get them to stay. It’d been two weeks, and he had yet to tell them anything significant regarding his betrayal toward the army. If this was a trial, it was on adjournment—and they didn’t mind. Maybe they didn’t know why he’d done what he did, and maybe they never would, but they’d seen his heart. They knew he was good, and they knew that mistakes didn’t define a person, and that was enough for them. Perhaps I am too forgiving, they momentarily considered, but then his lips hovered over theirs again and the thought escaped them.

“Relax,” Alexei spoke into their mouth. The pads of his fingers were running along Stasya’s bony spine, sending shivers following after them.

Stasya’s eyes remained open, looking over his shoulder and past the bars of the cage they were in. Their hands occupied themselves with his hair, curling dark strand after dark strand around their pointer finger. They couldn’t settle when they were waiting for the echo of footsteps in the hallway, for a pair of guards to find them in this compromising position and have their head for it. They were sure Alexei could sense this, too, because their back was impossibly straight and their shoulders were drawn up to their ears. The word ‘relax’ only sent them reeling more than before. Why was it always so hard to stay calm when someone wanted them to stay calm?

Slowly, teasingly, Alexei kissed his way from Stasya’s lips to just below their ear. He enveloped them in his arms then, making it impossible for their body to remain stiff. They melted into him, chest meeting his chest, arms falling to his sides. “No one’s coming,” his breath played along their neck, summoning goosebumps in its wake. “No one ever checks on us.”

The words sent Stasya’s head bowing forward. They nuzzled their face into Alexei’s shoulder, drinking in his scent. He smelled like grime and musk, but there was something comforting about it—because it was him. “If they find us together, I…am dead,” Stasya spoke into his shirt, “I’m dead. We should not be doing this.”

“Well,” he dropped his arm from their back and pressed a hand into the ground, steadying himself. “Do you want to leave?”

Stasya lifted their head, looked him in the eye. He had to know what the eye contact did to them, why they rarely managed to look at him intently. His amber brown eyes sent their heart plummeting to their stomach. He had to know. His gaze roamed their face, tracing their lips. They could feel their face growing hotter. He had to know.

Stasya shook their head. “Of course not.”

“Then you stay,” Alexei had a tendency to speak decisively, like everything was a fact, like the world was black and white. It was a flaw, but they loved it. Stasya had fallen for all of his flaws. “You have such a habit of doing things you don’t actually want to do. So just this once…stay because you want to.”

There was a moment of silence, the type of silence that settled over the two of them like a blanket. It was warm, but it was heavy. Stasya knew Alexei was waiting for them to speak, but their mind was too loud to allow for them to say anything. Why did they care so much about getting caught when they loved this man so much? Weren’t some things more important than rules, than what was expected of them? All they wanted was to stay by his side, and they couldn’t help but think that maybe Alexei had a point. Maybe it was worth it; maybe he was worth it.

“Okay,” they said finally, and returned their face to his shoulder. “Okay.”

“And if they do see us—which they will not—I will tell them I’m holding you hostage here,” Alexei sunk backward to the ground, pulling Stasya on top of him. The ground was cold and uncomfortable and covered in filth, but they hardly noticed. All they could focus on was Alexei’s heart drumming against them. How was the beat so steady? Stasya could feel their own heartbeat in their ears, a much quicker pace than his. “I’ll tell them I have been holding you against your will—and there’s nothing you could have done to resist me.”

“I would never allow you to lie for me,” Stasya tried to sit up to look at him, but Alexei wrapped an arm around them to keep them there. They didn’t try to move again. “Especially when you would get killed for it.”

There was a beat of silence—just a beat. A moment to breathe. A moment to meld together. And then he spoke, “They will kill me regardless.”

Stasya didn’t hesitate to shake themself loose from his grasp, rolling into the grime and dust and away from his warmth. There he went again. Stasya felt paralyzed on the ground, like they had suddenly become a part of the concrete. They weren’t breathing, but they hadn’t noticed. The pain in their chest was too distracting, too consuming. His stare was burning into the back of their head, and they didn’t dare glance back at him. In a matter of weeks, Alexei had managed to become one of the most important parts of their life. They couldn’t rationalize how it had happened. Perhaps they’d left the doors to their heart too widely opened, or maybe time just moved more slowly with him around.

Regardless of what they felt and why they felt it, it was there—it wasn’t fading—and Alexei had already given up hope on the feeling lasting. A part of Stasya wanted to stand up and yell at him, to march out afterward and assure the officials that he was innocent. Oh, how they longed to see him outside of those bars; how they longed to share the parts of them that existed outside of that prison. The simpler, more rational side of them kept them grounded. It told them to let life happen as it would. It told them to enjoy the moment while it lasted. It told them that nothing could go on for a lifetime.

“Please say something,” Alexei’s voice was rough and dry, clawing its way out of his throat.

“It hurts when you speak about the future like that. Like you know how it will unfold,” Stasya tucked an arm underneath their head, their back still facing him. “I cannot fathom how you—how you can just accept your death when you still have the option to change it.”

The silence this time was less like a blanket and more like steel: heavy, dense, and cold. Stasya could hear Alexei shifting behind them, could almost see him sitting up and folding into himself like he sometimes did. “I am not a good person,” he said. It was the most he’d ever admitted to them about his own morality. He’d told them about his family, about his friends, about everything he loved, but never about what might have driven him to such violence. “I am vengeful and crooked. The Grisha took my family, and so I became blinded by rage. I never stopped to think that not all of them were the same. I would have killed you, you know. Two weeks ago, I would have killed you.”

Stasya was shaking now, trying to get up but instead clawing at the ground with very little conviction. Their face was hot and newly wetted with tears. “Stop,” they were terrified. They had never been scared of him—not after holding him so tenderly on the battleground, not after seeing the truth of his soul in his eyes—but now his words settled into their bones. They’d always been afraid of people like him, even when they would have rather seen the light in those people and loved them for it. They didn’t know what it was like to succumb to darkness, to be driven mad by a circumstance they had no control over. They didn’t know because they’d always climbed over those obstacles with their head held high—they couldn’t imagine killing anyone instead. Suddenly, they felt a tinge of unsafety with their back turned toward him.

“No,” Alexei did not move. “You need to hear this. I deserve to die. I committed treason, and I deserve to die. I wanted death to the second army. I wanted to see Grisha blood paint every inch of the ground I walked on, and I wanted my family to watch from above. I am a monster. And I am selfish, because I’ve been withholding my confession all this time so I could spend as long as possible by your side. And I brought you in here, and I made you care for me, and I am a monster. If the law is at all just, they will kill me. I have known that from the start, and I still let you care for me. I still let you get used to me. What kind of human does that? I am a monster.”

Alexei was crying now. They could hear it in his voice: trembling and swollen and terrified. Stasya was still scared, but not of him. It only took a moment for them to realize that they were more afraid of how quickly their life was changing, of how attached they were to someone they could lose. They were not afraid of him. In fact, the more he went on about how much of a monster he was, the more they believed that he wasn’t one at all. Monsters didn’t feel remorse. Stasya finally found the strength to push themself up from the floor. They dragged themself over to the shivering mound of skin and bones before draping their arms around him.  

“You are the most humanlike person I have ever met,” Stasya spoke into his shoulder. Alexei didn’t move. “People are built to be angry, to make mistakes—to be selfish. People are built to do ridiculous things for love.”

“I do not deserve you.”

“Maybe so,” Stasya moved their hand to his face, hooked a finger underneath his chin. They met his eyes with more conviction and bravery than they ever had before. “But I am staying, because I want to. And I will not allow you to die, because I am selfish too.”

Alexei stopped shaking, but tears continued to paint his cheeks. “You are so good.”

Inching closer to his face, Stasya took their time to kiss both of his wet cheeks. Then they pressed their lips to his. “And you are worth it.“

He saved my life. Consequently, he saved yours, too.

Stasya was crumbling. If it weren’t for the walls, they were sure their knees would collapse underneath them. They’d been instructed to return to the Little Palace. Their job in the prison was over, and they weren’t naïve enough to question why that was. If they had no job, they had no prisoner to watch over. The chances of Alexei being found innocent were slim—and that could only mean one thing. Stasya’s heart was beating in their ears, making it impossible for them to hear much of anything.

Their breath hitched when they finally made it to his cell. The guard tensed the moment they appeared. “Did they not remind you that I am meant to relieve you of duty for today?” Stasya’s voice sounded so unlike them, so caught in their throat. The guard knitted his eyebrows, so Stasya settled a hand onto his arm. They hoped he couldn’t see that they’d been crying, that they could hardly hold themself upright. “There must have been a miscommunication.”

The lie was poorly delivered, and something in the guard’s eyes told Stasya that he didn’t believe it. Still, he shrugged. There was power in a good reputation, one that everyone trusted. They rarely took advantage of this reputation, but their panic was overshadowing any part of them that might have felt guilty. “Good luck,” the guard began his descent down the long hallway. “He’s in shambles.”

While the guard made his exit, Stasya pressed their back against the wall next to Alexei’s cell. They made sure to stay outside of his line of sight, but they were sure he could hear their jagged breaths. The wall behind them kept them standing, but it didn’t steady their trembling. The silence that swallowed them whole seemed to last an eternity. It suffocated them, made it impossible to find any semblance of serenity. As they looked up at the ceiling, their vision seemed to be deteriorating. Black tunnels were enclosing in on them, cutting off their peripheral. If they kept breathing this shallowly, perhaps they could pass out. Perhaps they’d wake and realize that all of this was some fever dream.

“Stasya, I know you’re there,” Alexei said finally. His voice returned the air to their lungs. They hated how easily he could do that.

Stasya slid to the ground, their back still firmly attached to the wall. They steadied themself by setting a flat hand on the ground, not realizing that their fingers were now directly in front of the cell. Their breathing only grew louder as they attempted to gain control of it, but eventually their vision returned.

A surge of energy struck them the moment Alexei’s fingers met theirs. He hooked a pointer finger around theirs, and they almost jerked away. His hand enveloped theirs completely, folding around their fingers. It wasn’t long before they were crying again, their eyes stinging as they wept. They hated this feeling, the all-consuming love that they felt, but they still longed for it to stay.

“I cannot believe you manipulated that guard into leaving.”

A huff of breath escaped Stasya’s lips, something between a laugh and a sob. Alexei gave their hand a squeeze, and it only made their crying more uncontrollable. “I can’t—“ Stasya was hyperventilating now, trying to clutch onto words that weren’t there. “I don’t understand.”

Stasya could hear Alexei’s heart breaking in the silence. “I gave them my statement,” he said, “and I told them of everyone involved with the hate group. That is all they needed.”

“I can convince them of your innocence,” Stasya’s voice swelled. They pulled their hand from Alexei’s and instead used it to cradle their face. “I can save you.”

“The world needs you more than I do, Stasya,” Alexei said simply. Stasya began to shake their head as though he could see them. They shook their head violently, insistently, but they didn’t say a word. “The world needs you more than it needs me.”

“No, no, no—“ Stasya’s words matched the pace of their head. “Stop talking like that.”

“I am terrified, Stasya,” Alexei slid a hand out from underneath his cell, and Stasya could see his thin fingers from the corner of their eye. “I wish I could turn back time. But I can’t. Life happens the way it happens, Stas. I am lucky to have met you, but I can’t choose how this ends.”

Peeling their back from the wall, Stasya fell forward in an attempt to stand. They stumbled a few steps before reaching the other wall and flattening their palm on it. Slowly they stood, knees trembling, heart breaking. “I will speak to whomever I have to. The general, the executioner—whomever. I—I will say anything. You have seen how they trust me, yes? Perhaps they would listen,” Stasya was convinced. Their words could not have been more genuine. If there was a way to save Alexei, they would find it. They would break him out of jail if they had to. They would escape the country with him, go into hiding for the rest of their life. They would do it for him.

“Stas—“

“I can save you.”

“You already have,” Alexei slouched forward. They could feel him looking at them—his eyes were probably wide and sad and beautiful. Stasya couldn’t bear to look. “I would have died a monster without you.”

“I am going to get you out of this,” Stasya wished they could sound more confident, but their voice wavered and whimpered instead. “I don’t care if they kill me instead.”

Alexei reached his arm out between the bars as though he could touch them. His outstretched fingers trembled uncontrollably when all he felt was air. “I care,” his hand fell to the floor. “A lot of other people would care. You don’t understand, do you? You are an orphan, but so many people count on you—and so many people will continue to need you after I am gone. You were the peak of my life, but I am not the peak of yours. There are other monsters that need to be reminded that they are human. There are other people for you to save.”

Save. Stasya never meant to save him. All they wanted was to love him—those two things were very different from each other.

“If you love me, you will let me die. I want to die. Yes, I am terrified, but I know it is for the best. And if you love me, you will respect that.”

Stasya whimpered again. “I have never said that I love you.”

“You didn’t have to,” Alexei leaned his forehead on a metal bar. “You didn’t have to.”

Your father was a good person. Even if you know nothing else about him, I want you to be sure of that. He was a good man with a good heart. You come from good people. You are good, too. Don’t let anyone else tell you differently.

Love always, Mama

CHARACTER HEADCANONS:

( TO BE HUMAN. )   Stasya had never felt romantic love. They’d never felt very left out because of it, either. Their heart felt such a spectrum of love that nothing ever felt missing. Other’s stories of true love warmed their heart, and sometimes at night they did wonder when the day would come—the day they’d meet the person who would stand by them just as assuredly as they stood by everyone else. Platonic love, they would always remind themself, was just as important. It was all they needed.

Until they met him.

They’d watched him and his allies cut down their brothers and sisters in arms, the only people they’d ever been able to call family. They did as they were instructed: brought ruin to the battlefield. They were meant to kill the entirety of the small group of human traitors, meant to avert their gaze and ignore the blood seeping into the ground, to smile through the nightmares as they always did. They had their eyes carefully fixed on the sky when they heard a cry cut through the wind they’d created.

Soon, their fingers were tangled in his hair instead of tendrils of wind. They knew they were done for the moment their eyes met his, and they didn’t mind.

Over the weeks they spent with Alexei, the traitor, they came to understand why romantic love was so often spoken about. It was so much more passionate than anything they’d felt before, and it burned bright even though it didn’t last long. When it ended, though, it hurt more than any pain they’d felt before. That was the trade-off of love, they learned. For every good moment, there is an ounce of pain to come when the love ends. Someday, they might allow themself to fall in love again—but for now they can’t even imagine it.

( FLEDGLING. ) The only feeling Stasya could register the moment they discovered the life growing inside them was fear. First, it was fear for their own life: What would happen when everyone found out they loved a traitor? What of their status in the army? Would they lose their livelihood—would they become a martyr for once and for all? After a week or so, however, the fear was mostly for their baby. What will its life be like? Will someone try to take the baby from them? Will people condemn it due to its beginnings? Their fear froze them for some time. They were so scared they regretted the life inside of them.

Now, two months into their pregnancy, they have decided to allow their fear to push them forward. They will not allow anyone to take their baby bird, their fledgling, from them. Even though the thought scares them, they will not lie about their pregnancy when their stomach becomes noticeable—and they will not lie about how the baby was conceived. They’d rather live a life of martyrdom and shame than bring their baby into lies. They will do anything to give their child a good and honest life, even if that means leaving Ravka entirely.

Stasya never thought of being a parent, but they’ve been motherly for their entire life. They know they will be a great mother—not a perfect one, but so full of love and good intentions that the baby will never feel anything lacking. They intend to fill the empty space in their heart, the one their parents left, with even more love for their baby. And because they are the child’s only parent, they know this extra love is important. Most nights, they’re able to convince themself that the child will be just fine with one parent. After all, they had no parents and still managed to keep a good heart. However, there are times when their mind wanders and they think, what if I can’t do this on my own? And if I can, what if I don’t want to do it on my own?

( JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES. ) Softness is brave, but bravery is never painless. Stasya’s love of humankind and the destruction they’re capable of have been at war for the entirety of their life. They never wanted to be a soldier, but they’re good at it—and good soldiers bring blood. Sometimes, it’s impossible for them to so much as glance at the destruction they’ve caused. But they still see it. The images of the bodies left in their trail haunt them, invade their dreams at night. Most nights, they wake in a cold sweat—breathless and mindless. They toss and turn, they cry in their sleep, but when the morning comes they will smile, they will love like nothing happened.

( KEEP A WINDOW OPEN. ) Stasya is weary of romantic love, of fully and vulnerably opening up to someone, because they know how much it hurts to lose someone. Their relationship with Alexei might not have lasted long, but it was the first time in their life that they were more than a kind, good Grisha. In Alexei’s eyes, Stasya was the most dynamic and whole person in the world. They’d never been so multi-dimensional to anyone before, and they’re not sure they can allow themself to be seen like that again. Being so open means getting so close, and getting so close means there’s something to lose.

Despite this, though, there is a part of Stasya that longs to be loved like that again. They’ve had a taste of romance, and now they wish to have it back. This is why they long for a co-parent, even though they know they can raise their child on their own. Though Neysa has offered her help, Stasya can’t stop themself from idealizing a family with two parents who are madly in love. Could they find this ideal with Neysa? Could they find this ideal with anyone? Would the pain be worth it?

( THE WAR IS INTERESTED IN YOU. ) It was a day of mourning when Stasya discovered their own powers. They were young and alone. They didn’t have family to stand by their side, or even friends to help them feel like a real person. Instead, people only seemed to want things of them. Everyone wanted them to tap their full potential, but not because they believed in them. Instead, everyone believed in their power. It’s a burden that Stasya has carried with them for their entire life. Those positioned above them just want them to kill, to win the battles. They were never interested in the war, and they still aren’t.

Yet they fight. They fight because they don’t know what else to do. They bring blood to the battlefield because that is what they’ve been trained for. Sometimes, they think their deadly power is the reason they’re so insatiably kind to everyone. Sometimes, they think they have mistakes to atone for. Maybe if they get someone out of a tough time, maybe if they save enough people, their heart will stop breaking every time they hurt an enemy.

Even enemies are human. That’s something Stasya struggles with every day. They have people whispering in their ear, telling them to stand up for Ravka and to stand against those who want to see it fall. They love their home, of course, but the people fighting against Ravka are still people. They have families, and they have light in them too. This is why Stasya struggles with their power.

Most days, they find themself wishing they were powerless. Wouldn’t life be so much easier? Outside of training and outside of battle, Stasya rarely uses their powers. Yes, they trained hard to perfect them, and sometimes their training comforted them as a child. When they had nothing else, at least they could retreat to the training room and learn to fight. When the world seemed against them, at least they could find a companion in the wind they created. Now that they use it for a cause they do not believe in, however, they can’t justify their power being worth the comfort it used to bring them.

( QUICKSHOTS. )

Stasya is pansexual.

The one thing Stasya’s parents left them with is a small ornate music box. They don’t even know their parents’ first names, or why they were unwanted, but they know that the music box belonged to one of them. They don’t have many possessions, and even less prized ones, but they’ve kept the music box with them for as long as they can remember.

Stasya knows so little about their parents that they do not even know why they abandoned them. There was a rumor in the orphanage once that it was because of their powers, because of the violence that swam in their veins. For quite some time, they believed this to be true. They never rationalized how anyone could look at a baby and see something violent, but even if they’d thought of that logic it wouldn’t have eased their pain.

Stasya is prone to “emotional hypochondria,” or taking other people’s feelings on as their own. This has caused them to try to fix problems within themself that aren’t actually there.

Stasya likes to draw, particularly with charcoal. They aren’t incredible at it, aren’t particularly talented, but it does help them to process in times of emotional intensity.

Stasya loves people, but they are not an extrovert. They will often take time to themself—sometimes retreating for days at a time—and are generally very private. They don’t like the spotlight on them, and sometimes will not even accept acts of graciousness. They definitely do not do kind things for attention, as it’s often more embarrassing than fortifying for them.

As a child, Stasya was very fragile. Every person who spoke against them was a tear they cried at night—and a lot of people spoke against them. Over the years, however, Stasya learned to cope with the bullying. They learned to put themself in other’s shoes, and it helped them get over any obstacles of the day. Still, however, criticism from those they look up to or care about has the tendency to wound them. They know it often comes from a good place, but they strive so hard to be good for everyone around them that they tend to be rather sensitive.

Another reason Stasya became less prone to bullying is because they did find a place to fit in. In the Etherealki, they find people they will always be able to sit next to—no matter what. In the Second Army, they find people who will always protect them—no matter what. It’s comforting to know that, and definitely one of the reasons they will stay with the army for as long as they can.

Stasya has no label for their gender identity (other than the umbrella term: non-binary). Instead, they just consider themself a person. Though their gender expression is rather feminine, they are rather sensitive to being called a girl or a woman. It took them years to understand why their heart skipped a beat every time someone called them “lady,” and even now that they know why they dislike it, they are often too nervous to correct people when it happens. (Note: They are more than comfortable with being called a mother, as this term is less gender-specific to them and more of a role they play.)

Stasya is a very tidy person. At the orphanage, they would earn their keep by cleaning up after everyone. They find something very therapeutic about washing up, like they declutter their mind as they declutter their living space. Sometimes they even clean loved one’s rooms without asking. It is a trait of theirs that was motherly long before they discovered they would be a mother.

EXTRAS:

( PERSONALITY TYPES. )

( ALIGNMENT. ) Neutral Good ( MBTI. ) INFJ—the advocate ( TEMPERAMENT. ) Phlegmatic ( ZODIAC. ) Pisces (March 12)

( CHARACTER ANALYSIS. )

Below is a little ramble on how Stasya operates, how they interact and think and feel. It’s not a very extensive or vast review, as it mainly focuses on a few traits, but I think it will aid in understanding them:

Everyone is born soft and pure, but Stasya never grew out of it. Their gentleness and kind nature was never something they flaunted. In fact, they’ve gone through stages of being ashamed of their own softness. They will always forgive, even if it’s not deserved, and they’ve found themself walked on many times because of this. In part, their constant forgiveness is due to their poor emotional memory. In their bio, their heart is described as a fluttering, forgetful thing—and that is very true to who they are. Their heart moves on quickly, always choosing love over resentment. To them, loving is just so much easier than allowing themself to be bitter. They don’t know how to be bitter. This does tend to frustrate them, however. They do believe that everyone has some good in them, but they don’t always want to be the one looked to in order to extract that good.

Stasya has a strong sense of loyalty that extends past their friendships. This is part of the reason they fight so hard in battles. Even though they don’t agree with the morality of war, and even though the bloodshed sometimes hurts them more than they can articulate, the violence has given them a purpose. More than that, the people they’ve fought with have become their family. They never had proper figures of authority to look up to, so they have always aimed to impress those positioned above them. This doesn’t, however, mean that Stasya will heed their every order without question.

Morality means more to Stasya than their loyalty. They will follow a ruler as long as that ruler is good and just, but the moment the ruler does something self-serving or destructive to their people, Stasya sees defiance as the only option. They are not one to rebel in eccentric, publicized ways—but they do rebel. They rebel by being better. It’s for this reason that Stasya often goes out of their way to be kind to the people society is the worst to. Orphans, like them, have a special place in their heart. Martyrs, like them, always attract their attention. They would extend a helping hand in a heartbeat to someone they believe has a good heart.

One problem with this way of operating is that Stasya can be so idealistic and naïve that they believe everyone has a good heart. They aim so high, strive to make the world a better place, and they are constantly reminded of its toxicity. They are constantly disappointed. All throughout their life, they have been able to overcome this disappointment and see something worth saving in everyone. After Alexei, things have taken a turn. Surely a love so pure was meant to last. Surely nothing could be wrong with loving someone—even if that someone was human and a traitor. The world seems to be trying to teach them something entirely different, and they haven’t yet overcome their disappointment this time. Sometimes, they’re able to justify that their baby is a continuation of the pure love, and that one day the loss will be worth the gain. They haven’t been able to cling to that concept yet, however, because the pain is so fresh. They would never think to regret the time they spent with Alexei, but they do have resentment in their heart for the first time in their life.

Even with this resentment, hatred has not found its way into their heart. They are wary, yes, and they are less naïve than ever—but they haven’t let that stop them from being kind. Their gentle nature, however, has found itself wavering. They are finally learning how to stand up for themself, because Alexei taught them how. They are realizing that they have been a concept to people their entire life instead of being a whole person. They are realizing that “they are not a bird to be studied, a spectacle to be put in an exhibition and viewed.” It is a newfound bravery, but it is also a newfound roughness. They still think of others before everything they say and do, but they’re starting to think of themself, too. What do they want to say? What could make them happier? Perhaps it is their sadness making them more reckless, or perhaps their loss has just reminded them that life is too short to allow themself to wilt and still pretend to be a flower in bloom.

( PINTEREST BOARD. ) CLICK HERE!

ANYTHING ELSE?

OMITTED

[a-queer-seminarian]

hey there, some seminary questions for you! How did you choose which seminary to attend? Could you please talk about the application/acceptance process? What's the average week like as a seminarian?

Oh gosh, you sent this ages ago, I’ve been meaning to answer!

How I picked a seminary:

I looked only at seminaries in my denomination, PC(USA), that were at least sort of near my area of the USA and that seemed like they’d be LGBT+ friendly. I visited two of them, McCormick in Chicago and Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary, in the fall of 2015 and applied to them both the spring of 2016. Both seemed like excellent choices, I selected LPTS because I liked the housing situation, the campus in general, and the students and teachers I talked to seemed like a better fit for me. And indeed, I am extremely happy here!

Applications and Acceptance:

So yeah, the two seminaries I applied to both had applications due for the following fall in early spring, and I think that’s fairly standard. When looking at various seminaries, check their website for info on that. I highly recommend looking into seminaries a year before you want to attend one, so that you have plenty of time to visit, gather recommendation letters, reflect on your decision, and apply.

Note that the vast majority of seminaries require an undergraduate degree before you can apply, since it is a masters program – but that undergrad degree can be in anything. See this post.

This is the admissions page of my seminary. LPTS offers several degrees, the most popular of which at the masters level are the Masters of Divinity (MDIV, what I am doing) and the Masters of Family Therapy (MFT). To apply to these programs, there are forms that request general info and also ask that you undergo a background check, write some essays, and three letters of recommendation.

The last of those things, the rec letters, might sound overwhelming, but it’s doable. One of them needs to be from a pastor, so if you don’t currently have a pastor in your life who knows you well, that’s something to think about before applying to seminary – how can you get active in your current church so that your pastor can write you a good letter? The second letter must be an academic reference and the third must be a “personal or professional reference” – see this webpage for more. Note that these were the letters my two seminaries of choice required, and while I think it’s fairly typical, other seminaries may do it differently.

I’m pretty sure some sort of interview was required too, but it’s super informal and you can do it via skype if you can’t get to the seminary in person. I do recommend checking out the seminaries you’re interested in person though, if at all possible – they let you tour, talking to various teachers and students and possibly sitting in on classes.

On to the acceptance process: if the two seminaries I looked into are any indication, if you get all the application stuff turned in, you’re very likely to be accepted. The big thing is financial stuff they’ll offer you – the more impressive your application is, the more likely to get academic scholarships. My seminary also had me fill out some forms explaining my financial situation, so that they would know to offer me more financial aid as needed. The amazing thing about my seminary though is that they offer full tuition to everyone who gets in! And all seminaries as far as I know are pretty great about helping with financing their students’ education. See this post for more on financial stuff.

An average week in seminary:

Okay, the average week at any seminary is likely to be different. Note also that I’m going to describe the average week of a first-year student – it changes for second and third year students.

Oh yeah, to mention that: at my seminary at least, the MDIV takes three years and the MFT program takes five. You can also be a part time student which means it’ll take longer. For MDIVs, you have to take Hebrew and Greek and you also have to intern for a year at a nearby church to graduate. I’m doing my church placement my second year. And if you are pursuing ordination, you likely want to be working on whatever your denomination requires for ordination while you’re at seminary – you don’t magically get your ordination when you graduate, just your masters. For my denomination, for instance, I have to do some work as a chaplain in order to be ordained, so I’m likely doing that next summer.

Let’s start with classes and homework in an average week:

I take four classes, and workload-wise they remind me a lot of undergrad. Most classes meet either two or three times a week, and are either 50 minutes or an hour and 15 minutes each time. Some classes are primarily lecture, most involve lecture and discussion, and some are primarily discussion. They all involve a lot of reading. Many students get away with not always doing all the readings though, haha. Fall (September through mid-December) and spring (February through early May) are the main two semesters, but there are also short classes available in January and summer.

Along with reading, homework varies; I’ll describe my typical homework for my four current classes:

For Black Church Studies, we basically read one book and have one 1000-word essay due every two weeks.

Scripture II (New Testament) is sort of bizarre in that there are no major essays due and we only have one textbook (well, plus the Bible). Homework is to read a chapter of the textbook and write a 300-600 word summary on it for each class meeting. Each chapter is on a different book / letter of the New Testament. For this coming Monday, my summary on Ephesians is due. (On a side note, at the end of this semester I’ll probably share a google doc of all my summaries if anyone is interested; they’re good for quick overviews of the content and contexts of the Gospels and letters!)

History of Christian Experience I (the first century CE through 1453) has us write three 1200-1400 word essays throughout the semester. For each class meeting, a fifty-word sentence answering a question about the reading is due. This class has the heaviest reading load – seriously, some nights I don’t actually get to read everything thoroughly; I try my best to, but every now and then I have to skim instead.

Hebrew Exegesis (my fave!!) has five papers throughout the semester (that counts the final). For each paper, we translate a short passage from the Hebrew Bible (Old Testament) and provide historical context, talk about literary structure, do word studies on it, and so on. There were also several (6 I think) translation exercises due throughout the semester, in which you have to translate around 10 sentences from Hebrew. This class also involves reading, but not as much as the other classes. You have to read commentaries and look through dictionaries in order to write the papers.

I had a good number of quizzes and some tests for basically every class last semester; this semester, I have literally zero tests or quizzes in any class, just a lot of papers (all my finals this time around are take-home essays).

It’s hard for me to really explain how fun the classes are? but I love them. They teach so much, and challenge you to think.

Moving on to worship at seminary:

We open every class meeting with a prayer. And on Thursdays and Fridays, there are chapel services led by either a teacher or a student (usually seniors). Because so many different people lead the services, you get a really wide variety of services, which I think is really cool! Not only Presbyterians attend this seminary – in fact, I think it’s something like 50 or 60% of students and faculty here are not Presbyterian. I love seeing how different traditions worship.

And community life here:

Classes are small and therefore tight-knit. I love my class; there are around 30 of us in total I think and around 20 of those are MDIV like me. We all joke around and support and pray for each other, and study together and help one another out when needed. When you need anything, whether it’s notes from a class you missed or a ride to the airport or some groceries because you’re low on cash, someone will help you out.

There are so many groups on campus you can join. We’ve got students in governmental positions, for instance, and students in various committees, from the Faith Life committee to the More Light (LGBT) committee, and from the Worship committee to the Gender and Ministry committee. I do a lot to help out with the community garden. There’s also a grassroots group for environmental stuff – I am assigned to take out the recycling in one of the school buildings to do my part with that. My seminary’s “big thing” is racial dialogue, so there are many classes, workshops, and other events that deal with that. Unfortunately the More Light group isn’t all that active this year, but when there are events I go to them!

If there’s an issue you care about that is not already addressed by a group on campus, it’s possible to make it happen. I just gave a workshop on how to make ministry more welcoming to transgender people. And a classmate and I plan to hold some workshop type events on accessibility and ableism this coming fall.

Conclusion:

So yeah, life in seminary involves balancing schoolwork with participating in the seminary community, your own life (many students here have jobs and/or kids), worship / your faith life, and doing the “field ed” aspect of seminary – church placements and chaplaincy for MDIVs, counseling/therapy for MFTs.

I personally find myself exhausted pretty often thanks to the ol’ mental illness and neurodivergence, so it’s important to take care of yourself. Teachers for the most part are very understanding and willing to give extensions on papers and the like, so that helps. And like I said, when you need something, classmates have your back.

I cannot emphasize enough how enriching the classes are, how intelligent the teachers are, or how warm and family-like the students are. It’s all wonderful.

If you have more questions about seminary, let me know!

[polystumbles]

Diary 07/09/2016: Not so Dirty Jersey Pt. 1/2

When Amy asked to switch nights she made plans to hand out with Bear, the kids and his son, but the real motivator was that her girlfriends had plans for a girls night out on Saturday night. They head out to go indoor swimming with them and I head over to Z’s place to set out for our trip. Originally we had wanted to go Wildwalk, a park with a forest canopy walk in Eastern New York State, but by midweek it was clear that the weather wasn’t going to cooperate for that, so we hastily put together alternative plans Thursday with the help of Google Docs and the dire need to think about things other than the police murders.  After dropping Amy and the kids off at the train, I head back pack up, and go to pick up Z. We drive to the Delaware Water Gap Area, where our only solid plans are some trails, a few possible dinner spots, and a place to sleep for the night.

Along the way we stop for gas, we have an interesting exchange. I ask Z if she wants to drive. She says she won’t want to drive, but that if I want her to drive -- “ask me to drive,” she says. It’s an interesting exchange. I had asked “would you like to drive,” which to most would be a polite form of asking. She was saying that she didn’t want to drive, but would if I asked directly. Its conversations like these where we can so easily fall into the familiar, and to people like me that familiar looks like backing off being decisive. Z is someone who often wants her brainpower to be used on something other than the decision that in the end doesn’t matter. I need to keep this in mind, and pick up on those cues that today she wants to be, not make decisions.

Along the way we stop and search for some ruins of a small town that was absorbed by the park. We park on the side of the road and hike about a quarter mile away from the main road in search of it but find few signs. At this point in the summer the greenery is lush and thick, around here it’s tall as well, reaching 3 feet for some wildflowers. It was definitely secluded by the time we hopped a few gates and found the faint outline of a trail, but it was also crawling with bugs of the biting variety as well. We gave up our search, and retraced our steps, heading next to a trail-head and in search of a letterbox. It’s clear about half a mile into that trail that our clues describe the trail from the other direction. It’s strike two, but there is still plenty to enjoy on the trail. We meander in silence, and conversation through the trail, stopping from time to time to take pictures.

After a series of hills, we hit the 1.5 mile marker,  and I suggest that we turn around. It’s going to be sunset soon enough and it’s as good a place as any to double back to the car.   “Just what I was thinking,” she agrees as we take a break to down some trail mix. Soon after we turn around, Z tells me with a smile that she’s been seeing someone. They had their third date Friday.

We chat for a bit about the new interest. I learn that he’s also from NYC and is Haitian. He’s not poly per se, but open to idea having just left a long term relationship. He’s made her laugh a ton and the dates have been good. Her only concern is that she isn’t feeling any NRE for the relationship yet, and can’t remember how it went with me -- how soon did she feel NRE? I have my guess as to an answer but I also know that it’s not my place to answer, and that, honestly it didn’t matter: every relationship is different. For now I was glad that she had a big grin and had enjoyed their time together. They had had a few opportunities to walk for a while on these dates and the conversation so far was going easy. She pointed this out making it clear these are important markers for her: can you hold a conversation, can the silence feel comfortable. We chatted for awhile more about the guys she’s dated. She laughed that I seem to be able to remember their names better than she did.

I get the feeling by our conversation that this one might stick around a while. She has gone on a few promising first dates recently, but the others all fell apart on closer examination of a second or third dates, and, yes, she usually does the dumping. I can see why she has to be so stone cold on breakups. If you miss her language, you might not get closure. So she has to be blunt. If you’re getting dumped it’s also likely that you are missing her language.  But also wonder how did I survive? What makes me different? I tried to break up with her on our fourth date, and it was she who rejected by resignation letter. I have my theories but in the end, I’m just happy to be here. I guess it’s almost like the Buddhist concept of a “beginner’s eye”: looking at things, at people, at relationships with all the wonder of a beginner, absent preconceptions and expectations.

Mostly though, I reflect on being with someone who values privacy so much, and now living with them. She goes out on dates and I don’t know, and now I’ve done the same -- it’s not my preference, but I feel that sharing would put pressure on her to share and I want to understand her feelings in doing so. It's not hard to hide. It’s surprisingly easy, which is what I want to understand. With Amy, I tell of every move, even now, even when I’m not necessarily home. How much of that is the fact that she likes hearing about it? I get Z’s feelings though. At times I can tell she feels a bit, I guess, embarrassed at having been excited, maybe frustrated, at a bunch of dates going well, telling me, then having her lose interest and dump them. I’d ask about the person a few weeks later and find out that she’s moved on. It’s as if I somehow have a stake in these relationships flourishing. I mean, in a sense, I do. In the sense that I have a stake in her happiness and satisfaction, but I’m not going to be disappointed that she didn't make a connection. Z doesn’t make me feel bad about how I limit her dating -- she could, she’s limited to the pool of men who would date her knowing she has a long term relationship with another man. There’s something human about wanting someone all to yourself. There's also something human about sharing. I’d say the first is nature's desire, the second is a secondary good: the joy of seeing someone happy.  

The other interesting item I’m processing as we walk is how I feel about the new person not being Poly. I guess it worries me less that he isn't poly than when Amy was dating. I know I can trust Z. I can trust her judgement and her read of the people she dates. I didn’t feel that way about Amy dating, and it proved to be true. I simply don’t have to worry about a November Rain situation with Z, and I know that. Poly folk seem to engender a feeling of trust, though perhaps time will prove that to be foolish. There are other risks, for sure, but not the kind that played out before with untrustworthy partners and inexplicable declarations.

We make it to the car, then head to a local Popcorn place on the way to the hotel because it’s on the route. We head back and check in to the hotel. She's adorable back in the room, and a bit aggressive as we fuck on the bed. We deservedly knock the fuck out for a while before getting up and ready to explore the town and grab dinner.  

We head to town. First pictures at a waterfall, then walking the mainstreet, where the kids are in full Pokemon Go, just recently released, force. 

She hadn’t heard of it yet, so I tell her about it and she wonders aloud if we should play. Then we dip into a game store, browse and buy a board game. We almost picked up a FireFly clue for Amy, but leave it for later.  We get soaked in the rain and walk to dinner at a Thai restaurant run by Greek folk. Yeah odd, but well reviewed.

I can smell her dish cooking as we talk, then I smell the fish sauce, which can't be un-smelt and dominates my senses as we figure that maybe I should monetize this sense of smell somehow.  Perhaps I can use it to be some sort of chemistry match maker?

We walk out and the rain ceases. We make plans to head to a Wal-Mart that's still open and pick up any remaining items for s'mores tomorrow. We pick up some breakfast items, and something for the apartment, in a most domesticated close to the evening. Back at the hotel, we're pretty spent, but that doesn't stop us from going another round before passing out.

[file-formats-programming]

Get Floating Table Position & Dynamic Shape Fill Color Setting for LINQ Reporting Engine using .NET

What's New in this Release?

Aspose development team is happy to announce the monthly release of Aspose.Words for .NET 17.9.0. This month’s release contains over 102 useful new features, enhancements and bug fixes. There are some important features and API changes in part of this month’s release, such as LINQ Reporting Engine supports dynamic shape background coloring, Improved optional hyphen handling and fixed related infinite loop issue, Improved floating table re-breaking in specific scenarios where content of a table used to be lost outside of a page, Improved table grid computation when cells contain tab characters, Further improved character spacing control handling, PCL documents rendering improved. UCS-2 symbol sets can now be mapped to the printer built-in fonts – it allows to print non-ascii symbols with built-in fonts if supported by printer, A ‘cosmetic’ pen (i.e. pen with fixed 1-pixel width) rendering improved in metafile output documents, Font metrics calculation affecting the vertical positioning of text for GDI+ output rendering improved, Added fallback for strokes with unsupported binary raster operations in metafile rendering, Gamma-correction flag is now taken into account while rendering metafiles brushes and Metafile warnings improved. This release has introduced new feature for setting the fill color of Shape node using LINQ Reporting. Please refer to the  article Setting Background Color Dynamically for more detail in the documentation section. A new constant is added into the MsWordVersion enumeration type. It can be passed into the CompatibilityOptions.OptimizeFor method to optimize the document contents as well as Aspose.Words behavior to match MS Word 2016 version. Aspose team has added public property OleFormat.OlePackage to provide ability to set file name, extension and display name for OLE Package when inserting ole object using MemoryStream. Please refer to the article Set File Name and Extension when Inserting Ole Object for more detail. A new feature has been added in this release to get the position of floating table. It has removed following obsolete public methods from DigitalSignatureUtil class. Instead, the methods with SignOptions class should be used. Added warnings for unsupported binary raster operations. Also added fallback to bitmap rendering in this case on .NET platform. Changed type of warnings about unsupported metafile records from DataLoss/Unexpected Content to more appropriate MinorFormattingLoss. It has removed warnings about unsupported metafile records, which do not affect the output. The list of new and improved features added in this release are given below

Table width is changed after conversion from Docx to Pdf.

Add feature to include all styles in Resources\AllStyles2007.docx from StyleIdentifier Enum

Shifted text in a document after conversion from MS Word to PDF

When DOCX is saved as PDF, table columns have incorrect width

Add feature to fill shape (text-box) color in Linq Reporting Engine

Built-in styles in MSW 2013 are different than in MSW 2007.

Provide method that returns Text in the same order as we see in MS Word, Google Docs, LibreOffice etc

Applying a radial gradient fill (hardware rendering).

Applying a rectangular gradient fill (hardware rendering).

Implement support of transform for radial gradient fill (hardware rendering).

TOC line spacing is changed in PDF output.

Empty table appears in ouput PDF

Get position of floating table in public API

/revision marks/ Support revision marks upon rendering

Shape gets overlapped due to its incorrect position

Applying simple textures (such as Color, Gradient, Picture, etc.) for 3D shapes (hardware rendering)

Issue when loading HTML with incorrect namespace declarations

Incorrect table position in DOM API and resultant HTML

To set file name and extension when inserting ole object using MemoryStream

Support to evaluate IF condition

Shading.BackgroundPatternColor returns incorrect value after updating Theme color

Demo code of Page Splitter has to be simplified and reviewed.

Contents move down to the page after conversion from Docx to Pdf

Position of table's rows is changed after conversion from Docx to Pdf

Table truncates in PDF - only one page in rendered

Font changed in saved .rtf document

Table on edge of page is mangled in PDF

Multipage table content cutting off on transforming Word to PDF

Blank pages appear in generated ODT

/character spacing control/ Chinese text moves to next line after conversion from Doc to HtmlFixed

Row's contents are truncated after conversion from Docx to Pdf

Row's contents are truncated after conversion from Docx to Pdf

Docx to Pdf conversion issue with table's rendering

Cell's contents are truncated at the bottom of page in output Pdf

Table's cells are completely lost after re-saving Odt

Html save as Odt - tables display incorrectly

Distance between list item marker and text increases after saving to HTML

"DOCX to WML" conversion result has wrong output.

DOCX to PDF conversion losing pages

Incorrect table/page layout // DOCX to PDFA: some text is missing in resultant PDFA document

TOC paragraph spacing difference in Aspose.Words and MS Word

MS Word 2016 shows page number incorrectly in status bar after saving RTF To DOCX

Formatting issue in PDF printing

Process hangs during rendering DOCX to PDF

/character spacing control/ Position of line break changes in rendered document

DOCX to PDF conversion issue with Khmer text

Text is wrapped to next line in table after conversion from DOCX to PDF

Images are overlapped after conversion from DOCX to HtmlFixed

List label values are incorrect after joining documents

DOCX to PDF conversion issue with SmartArt rendering

DOCX to PNG conversion issue with text formatting

DOCX to Image conversion issue with text formatting

Greek letter µ converted to M when DOCX saved as PDF

Text overlaps on header row border in resultant Image

Other most recent bug fixes are also included in this release

Newly added documentation pages and articles

Some new tips and articles have now been added into Aspose.Words for .NET documentation that may guide users briefly how to use Aspose.Words for performing different tasks like the followings.

Optimize Document to Particular MS Word Version

Setting Background Color Dynamically

Overview: Aspose.Words

Aspose.Words is a word processing component that enables .NET applications to read, write and modify Word documents without using Microsoft Word. Other useful features include document creation, content and formatting manipulation, mail merge abilities, reporting features, TOC updated/rebuilt, Embedded OOXML, Footnotes rendering and support of DOCX, DOC, WordprocessingML, HTML, XHTML, TXT and PDF formats (requires Aspose.Pdf). It supports both 32-bit and 64-bit operating systems. You can even use Aspose.Words for .NET to build applications with Mono.

More about Aspose.Words

Homepage Aspose.Words for .NET

Download Aspose.Words for .NET

Online documentation of Aspose.Words