#How can I sleep in these conditions
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@smilesrobotlover @skyward-floored help I’m being plagued by blorbo AU mix thoughts! 👀
#What do I do when my blorbos are out of control#AND THEY INVITE OTHER PEOPLE’S BLORBOS#How can I sleep in these conditions#Like#how do Tilieth and Ammon get off the plateau and what adventures do they have??#Will Sarah and Abel kill each other in an aggressive panic over where their spouses are???#Will Age have to mediate or have a meltdown???#How do Impa and Power ever talk in the first place???#What if Power has like some heartfelt conversation with Impa about how she should tell her kid she loves him#How they should try to mend that relationship because it hurts not knowing#How he really wants Wars to feel loved even if he himself isn’t sure how to do it#How he watches Volga and wonders if that guy actually loves Wars#And then he gets kidnapped by Ganondorf and—#HELP
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I'm in actually so much pain wtf. how do people deal with this
#how can i sleep in these conditions#i took a hot shower AND hot bath why do i still hurt#my fucking neck and shoulders and legs and knees and ankles and also back and also wrist and arms. why pain
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So apparently the symptoms for chronic fatigue include loss of memory, reduced concentration, and fainting/lightheadedness when sitting/standing up?? Why didn't anyone tell me about this 😭
#the last one about orthostatic intolerance is flooring me#i literally got tested for POTS bc of how frequently i pass out or get lightheaded from standing up#like its so bad that i got tested for POTS. and it came back negative. and i just gave up after that#but youre telling me that theres ANOTHER condition that can cause that??#and this same condition also causes memory issues which i also have and have been getting worse for years??#and the condition in question is 'tired all the time and sleep doesnt help' disorder#which is ALSO an issue ive had since at least middle school???#and the getting exhausted even after light exercise and mental work#and apparently even sore/swollen lymph nodes?? which is something thats been happening to me randomly recently???#what the fuck man 😭 why havent i looked into this before#'symptoms must last at least 6 months' brother my symptoms have lasted for at least 14 YEARS#...i think i need to talk to my doctor#rambling
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"it's just me."
you barely get a chance to roll onto your back before soonyoung's already climbing onto the bed and somewhat on top of you and your blankets, and it's only seconds later that he crashes. it's far from the first time this has happened (soonyoung is clingy and cuddly, especially when he's sleepy), but he manages to knock the wind out of you nonetheless. he rests his head on your chest, and you wiggle an arm out to curl around him as best as you can in your semi-trapped position.
"soonyoung--"
"just go back to sleep," he murmurs. "everything's fine."
you stroke his hair, thumb dipping down to graze his cheek at one point. "soonie--"
"i mean it," he says, eyes peering up in the low light to see yours. "i'm fine. just need to nap." his hand finds yours, and he wraps your arm around him as he snuggles in. he plants a kiss against your chest before resting his head against it again, eyes fluttering shut. "you can rest a little longer, too."
you settle back down after a moment, arms wrapped around soonyoung as you shut your eyes again. sometimes you swear this tiger is a teddy bear, but regardless of which he is, he's yours.
#nonranghaes.thoughts#seventeen drabbles#seventeen fluff#seventeen x reader#hoshi x reader#hoshi fluff#kwon soonyoung x reader#kwon soonyoung fluff#nonranghaes.svt#hi sorry i just. needed to write something short n soft#tw for medical stuff in the tags but i need to call hospice abt a catheter bc shes... getting weaker ultimately#which. i dont know if i should be Worried or if this is normal for someone in her condition yknow?#we've started tracking how much she eats bc shes never rly ate much like. Ever. and its hard to know when shes fully pulling back from food#most of the time though its just... quiet. she just sleeps a lot. i dont know what to make of it...#anyway sorry for the small vent here im just... getting through it all ig#i need a soonyoung to cuddle with and to help me feel like i can make it through this
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whole europe tonight
#personal#eurovision song contest#eurovision#joost klein#eurovision 2024#how can i live laugh love in these conditions#i am pretty sure that i wont sleep well tonight
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I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.
I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.
It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.
There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.
#its just like idk i dont think Curly was a bad captain because we only have this scenerio and I certainly dont think a man like Swansea#would like him or have very little issues with him specifically if he was incompentent or too lienent in the past but I do think the stress#was making him worse and worse as being a present leader as it dawned on him how much he actually had to handle like I really think he#just wanted to do yknow normal captain pilot stuff and fly the ship and yknow the little stuff like make sure things run right and over tim#the constant stress and strain of having to make every major choice started to grate on him and freak him out cause they cant even fucking#eat unless he pulls out the scanner and starts cooking like he has to choose the meal likely or have a vote and i make that part of the#reason he seems so indecisive and inactive is the fact he has to make the choice all the time and he's hoping he can at least make the crew#feel a little more in control of themselves as people by staying out of affairs like the game or disputes because god he literally has to#choose for them all the time like thats a lot of responsibility monitering their sleep their breaks food consumption thats all on him like#it really should be another persons job entirely as thats almost like absoulte contrl over the lives of everyone else that PE forces onto#that title and its also crazy how everyone accepts it even if they dont like it like they broke the food machine open rather than get the#scanner they all waited two months before Jimmy appointed himself leader its so scary how conditioned they all are to the environemnt#cause that sort of mindset is sadly real where people just wait everyone just waited until it was getting real dire and then they still#followed Jimmy without too many complaints like i saw a fic or post where Anya acknowledges they all kinda just let Jimmy do what they want#because he became the captain and it was stupid on all their parts cause they could clearly see how bad he was and yet he was captain so#they just fell in line to their roles and thats a bigger point towards how PE treated them and the complacency capitalism brings to you#just like something that irks me because idk I know Curly is slow to act but he's not as like unopinionated as people make him out to be#like he does try to find solutions but they are still restricted at the end of the day by what PE provides them and I think his biggest c#crime is being in his own head too much and not giving Anya that emotional stability cause like idk man was he supposed to go to Home Depot#himself and install like padlocks? even if the let Anya sleep in medical after she pointed it out she was already pregnant at that point#like we arent seeing the inherent issue that no one not even Anya herself was thinking of the preventative measures because a)there was a#point nothing was happening that necessitated them b) it would've been the responsibility of PE to address them pre and post incident and c#there is only one person on the entire ship given the authority to do anything. You can not make multiple important choices in one instance#in such little time and Curly should not have had that total power like i think the most interesting thing in takes that really blame Curly#is that level of control they give him over the company. Like again i think about the three days we miss between the eval/party and the#convo/crash like i think people switch them around as if those scenes happen in succession when they are broken up and its heavily implied#Curly and Jimmy just havent been talking vs the depiction that she told him and for like three days Curly was just chummy despite the fact#Jimmy and him just had a blow out fight like the next time we assume they talk is during the crash sequence cause he honestly hangs#around Anya more which i think is really important because she trust Curly to defend her himself but not his judgement to give her somethin#to defend herself as she knows he believes her but also knows she's not seeing the danger the same and its heartbreaking and more
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They're teachin' me to kill, who's teachin' me to love?
#artists on tumblr#party poison#jet star#jetpoison#danger days#danger days: the true lives of the fabulous killjoys#killjoys roadtrip au#BECAUSE! i said so#anyway how we doing jetpoison nation. i spent a week on this#the idea of two ppl who know nothing but fighting and occasionally fucking being struck by all these like#tender feelings. wanting to kiss someone and touch someone you know well just because you can#they have NO idea what to do with it#also the little things theyre lying in- my hc is that they stripped the interior of the diner and#everyone made like their own little. ''sleeping space'' which is like. w walls made of whatever they can find and#decorated as best they can#its not much but in the apocalypse it's home yk#also jet's had those blankets since he was born and he keeps them in pristine condition#this is also a lil celebration bc i have a girlfriend now. everyone clap
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You know it's too warm outside when even cuddling your favorite plushie makes you feel uncomfortable and you start to sweat even more.
It's night time, I'm not supposed to sweat like I just ran a mile. I want autumn already.
#i hate summer#fuck summer#I just need my cold temperatures back. I can't live in these conditions#also you cant shame me for still sleeping with a plushie. I couldn't care less how childish that may seem#also Kay if you are reading this I am so sorry I haven't commented on your posts yet#I was busy this evening and I want to do it in a less tired state so I can comment properly
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I ate half a serving of some really really good pesto pasta in the evening. Just rocketed out of bed at 3 AM after an hour or so of intense rounds of pain and I’m not going to go into details but holy shit I wish I never ate more than a couple bites of it and just brought a smoothie or soup to the restaraunt instead this is AWFUL. Literally hauled myself into the bathtub with warm water just to breathe.
#will I take a sick day at work#probably not because I really need to hear those meeting discussions this week#will I have a carousel of unpredictable symptoms the rest of the night? possibly#oh my god. oh my god.#it was the best pesto pasta I ever had. it’s becoming the worst pesto pasta I’ve ever had. I am so sad#me: DO I HAVE FOOD POISONING????#also me: has a known GI condition that is the much more Occam’s razor answer to what caused this situation#and yet somehow still me: DO I SUDDENLY HAVE LACTOSE INTOLERANCE???#girl. it’s 4 am. meditate yourself to fucking chill in this bathtub.#then see if you can go back to sleep#anyway. lessons are being learned#I don’t have any idea what happened but it was sooooooooooo rich and I’m guessing it was too much fat or too much fiber or both#brb about to look up almond and pesto sauce nutrition labels#health#future me I hope this never happens to you again#gastroparesis#if I’m taking a warm bath in the middle of my worst POTS flare since 2017-2018#you know how bad I must feel to make that worth it lol
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if there’s one reason i know for sure that media literacy is dead it’s that there are people who slow dance and get engaged to this song.
#like yes sonically it’s GORGEOUS and with the birdsong it sounds so romantic#but babes the chorus is literally abt how the abuse is rare but because of the victim’s conditioning the blood is almost sweet/#a sign that the abuser cares about them#and the dichotomy of the romanticism of the song/sonic landscape vs the sorrow of the lyrics is in and of itself representative of abuse#as if from the outside everything is good and sweet and beautiful but with enough attention one can see that nothing is well and good#it just hinds behind the facade of it#so the subtlety of the separation of the text and timbre/vibe of the song is intentional bc it’s a metaphor of itself#however it’s like. do people genuinely not listen to lyrics ever like it baffles me#i am apparently the right amount of stoned to be mad about it on a friday morning having yet to sleep#music things
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Saw a video and it got me in a mood so i'm making this post.
I don't think people who have never been fat knows how fucking hard it is to find clothing for bigger bodies.
The first issue is finding stuff in your actual size. Because time after time after time and time again I've gone to a store and they only had small and medium sizes. Not even large. And this was not for a few clothes, no. It was for MOST clothes that I found interesting. And then the ones that were marked as large were simply not big enough.
And I know that the reason for that is that brands simply won't make clothes for fat people. It's that because it surely isn't because the large size is selling out fast. They just don't do it. And some people have the nerve to say 'well brands are not obligated to make sizes for everyone' yeah sure, but also, I can't walk naked on the street can I?
Like I don't get it. 'oh but we want our clothes to fit a especific body' so fucking make clothes that are supposed to fit bigger bodies. Doesn't have a to be a whole ass collection.
And then we get on the second problem which is making clothes for plus size people that are ugly as hell. It's always the same stuff: ugly florals, animal print that belongs in another decade, cold shoulders, that weird extra fabric at the end of a shirt to hide the belly, or just black/muted colors.
Like fun fact. If you have big boobs, the hardest thing in the world is trying to find a bra that comes in a color that isn't white, black or beige. Because trust me, I've spent 3 hours walking in the shopping mall and I couldn't find anything that fit my breasts that was like pink (and in that situation I needed a pink bra for a play).
It feels like most clothes made for plus sized people are designed with like 50+ year old white women in mind, and not even that demographic of people are wearing those clothes (my mom is a plus sized 50+ year old white woman and often talks about how ugly some clothes made for people her size are).
It's hard trying to develop your own sense of style when none of the clothes around you are in your size, and when they do, they are just not good looking to you.
But you wanna know what's the down right worst part? Do you know what fucking brand has clothes that look good and are amde for bigger bodies?
The goddamn cancer on this earth that is Shein.
I fucking hate shein. Fast fashion is killin the fashion industry, they literally have people working as slaves and many influecers buy shein clothes by the bulk only to then throw it in the trash. Shein is awful.
But. Unfortunetly, shein is the only place that I found that had clothes that fit me and looked good. I don't like that. I avoided buying from shein for the longest time ever, but jesus christ, when you can't find clothes anywhere else you get desperate.
I tried looking for other places. I tried looking at my local clothing stores and everything was too small for me. I tried looking at online small bussinesses but they either didn't make my size, or it was sold out, or the prices were very high. Tried looking at thrift stores, also didn't find my size.
I try not to buy too much from shein or to spend long periods of time in between buying, because again, I feel bad about buying there. I don't want to buy from there.
Clothing brands/stores gotta do better. And I don't think that's asking for too much.
#this is less polite as i usually am because i'm so fucking tired of this shit#like these brands make probably millions every year#why is it apparently too much to ask for clothes in bigger sizes????#like idk i think everyone should be able to buy clothes that fit them and look nice???#and like god i don't want anyone to come on here be um actually it's very hard for the clothing industry to be inclusive#bc this post ain't about that#this post is about how frustrating it is to find clothes when you're fat#and also don't come for me bc of where i'm buying some stuff from ok#i feel so fucking guilty every time i buy from there#and like my friends buy from shein like every other week practically#i usually buy from there every 6+ months or so#and it's usually like a dress or two#at least i know that I don't throw clothes in the trash#if there's something here or there that doesn't look amazing but it's workable i'll go to the seamstress#if it doesn't fit me at all (which is a risk that can happen with online shopping) i donate it#and i will wear clothes until i can't wear them anymore#and even when i can't wear them anymore they they are usually still in a good enough condition that i can donate it to charity#or to someone close to my family who might give it a better use#this is a very big rambling sorry about this it's just aaaaaaaaa#i probably should go sleep
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i am sitting at my desk with my head in my hands. i am going to commit crimes
#honkai star rail#hsr#pulls#is feixiao and robin too much to ask for.. please#i just spent 80 of my pulls for this#gacha games are the bane of my existence#yet i remain at their mercy#how can i sleep peacefully in these conditions?#punching the air rn#don’t look at me i’m in mourning
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Wow this nightmare REALLY messed me up
#i need to get over it so bad but by god it was bone chilling how normal it was#like i can literally see those same interactions happening irl if the conditions were the same#i just...#ugh i can't get back to sleep#but i can't keep spiralling in thoughts like this#i feel like i want to cry#there's so much more to the dream but i hit the 30 tag mark in the last post#if u want me to tell it to u pls dm ab it#or ab anything else i feel so lonely...
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i love zopiclone i would never abuse her
#me/cfs makes your sleep worse#my sleep issues predating this condition were pretty severe so i have a history with medical intervention on that front#i actually had to be weaned off of sleep aids and it was not pleasant#you can get addicted to sleep aids that don’t get you high because you can get addicted to the certainty that you will sleep that night#i know i don’t have great control about that cuz i think about how bad the next day is going to be if i don’t get that sleep#but man a zopiclone would go crazy right now#corpus hot take of the day
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had the most absurdly infuriating interaction with an ER doctor telling me that "we rate pain based on a facial expression scale and you're clearly only in mild discomfort." while 2/3 of my face were covered by a N95 mask
#and also by the metaphorical mask of neurodivergence and masking chronic pain my entire life. my good ma'am what the fuck#when i tell you i couldn't sleep or breathe less than shallowly due to the sharp pain. that should tell you??? it's actual pain?#and she went on about how she herself has a herniated spine and has chronic pain well then you ought to know nothing's worse than when#someone pulls the 'well -i- have XYZ pain which is worse than yours!' card#this is why i hate going to the ER they're either really rude and dismissive or just clueless of what to do w my condition#anyway turned out it wasn't anything serious despite my pain but i stand by my decision to go there even tho the doc shamed me#my rheumatologist and the techs who did the endoscopy clearly stated if i had any pain to go to the ER and not take painkillers#meanwhile lady was like oh just take ibuprofen. wdym your doctor said you can't yes you can. fuck her#ką sako lapė
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idk how to explain it but a rage-driven desire to change the world coupled with the anticipation of finally dealing with something weighing on me for a long time and the relief that something can be done about that thing but also. racing thoughts and being unable to not act Right Now or say no to any of the ideas I have on how this can be done, while also having a breakthrough and processing a bunch of things that have happened to me and how they impacted me all of a sudden—that’s not normal ‘period is about to hit’ behaviour/experience is it?
#see I really don’t think I’m manic rn. I think this’ll wear off to something normal in a couple of days#but it’s also that feeling of having repressed something for so long and it comes out all at once and I feel lighter and empowered#that’s the feeling. empowerment. with a side of desperation but the desperation isn’t fearful; it’s more like hypomania#or the excitement of being stuck on something for so long and finally! having a lead! for a potential solution!#I went through all stages of grief And a very rushed half of the design process in the last 45 minutes. this should not be possible#rapid mood shifts mixed with exploding after bottling soemthing up (but the rage is positive for me bc I made it that way) and underlying#mixed depression and hypomania with constant stress on top? would that do it? Is the hypomania coming back? or just my personality?#or a mix of the adhd and pda profile that I spiral in positive thoughts and get super energised as well as in negative ones (the latter les#when all I can think of is how therapy works too slow for me. is that something that needs to be accommodated or a symptom?#personal mental health tag#bipolar#bpd#throwing it in these tags so someone can weigh in. conditions I more or less meet criteria for#or is it unlocking a memory and facts about myself that I repressed via dissociation? could be many things. I’m excited. I want to sleep#and I’m about to double dose on my melatonin to try that sounds like a bad idea. even it can’t kick whatever excitement chemical in my body#(also I’m obv not gonna take more than double)#but imagine feeling trapped all the time. then you find hope to feel free. of course you’d be excited
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