#like these brands make probably millions every year

[unreadpoppy]

Saw a video and it got me in a mood so i'm making this post.

I don't think people who have never been fat knows how fucking hard it is to find clothing for bigger bodies.

The first issue is finding stuff in your actual size. Because time after time after time and time again I've gone to a store and they only had small and medium sizes. Not even large. And this was not for a few clothes, no. It was for MOST clothes that I found interesting. And then the ones that were marked as large were simply not big enough.

And I know that the reason for that is that brands simply won't make clothes for fat people. It's that because it surely isn't because the large size is selling out fast. They just don't do it. And some people have the nerve to say 'well brands are not obligated to make sizes for everyone' yeah sure, but also, I can't walk naked on the street can I?

Like I don't get it. 'oh but we want our clothes to fit a especific body' so fucking make clothes that are supposed to fit bigger bodies. Doesn't have a to be a whole ass collection.

And then we get on the second problem which is making clothes for plus size people that are ugly as hell. It's always the same stuff: ugly florals, animal print that belongs in another decade, cold shoulders, that weird extra fabric at the end of a shirt to hide the belly, or just black/muted colors.

Like fun fact. If you have big boobs, the hardest thing in the world is trying to find a bra that comes in a color that isn't white, black or beige. Because trust me, I've spent 3 hours walking in the shopping mall and I couldn't find anything that fit my breasts that was like pink (and in that situation I needed a pink bra for a play).

It feels like most clothes made for plus sized people are designed with like 50+ year old white women in mind, and not even that demographic of people are wearing those clothes (my mom is a plus sized 50+ year old white woman and often talks about how ugly some clothes made for people her size are).

It's hard trying to develop your own sense of style when none of the clothes around you are in your size, and when they do, they are just not good looking to you.

But you wanna know what's the down right worst part? Do you know what fucking brand has clothes that look good and are amde for bigger bodies?

The goddamn cancer on this earth that is Shein.

I fucking hate shein. Fast fashion is killin the fashion industry, they literally have people working as slaves and many influecers buy shein clothes by the bulk only to then throw it in the trash. Shein is awful.

But. Unfortunetly, shein is the only place that I found that had clothes that fit me and looked good. I don't like that. I avoided buying from shein for the longest time ever, but jesus christ, when you can't find clothes anywhere else you get desperate.

I tried looking for other places. I tried looking at my local clothing stores and everything was too small for me. I tried looking at online small bussinesses but they either didn't make my size, or it was sold out, or the prices were very high. Tried looking at thrift stores, also didn't find my size.

I try not to buy too much from shein or to spend long periods of time in between buying, because again, I feel bad about buying there. I don't want to buy from there.

Clothing brands/stores gotta do better. And I don't think that's asking for too much.

[wosofutbolfan]

If You Need Me, Call Me

Alexia Putellas x Explorer!R Pt.2 in the 'I Would Climb Every Mountain With You' Universe.

Hi Guys, Thank you for all the love on the first part in this series. This is part 2 that I didn't expect to write. I have an inability to not write angst. TW: Claustrophobia. Injury. Events are not based on any real life events. Part two of I Would Climb Every Mountain With You. I would recommend you read that first, for some context. But you can do what you want really ;-)

You and Alexia had been together, happily, for a year. And it was happily. Though. ‘Together’ is probably being quite liberal with the word. And. You suppose. ‘Happily’ is also being quite liberal with the word. You loved Alexia. 

And Alexia loved you. 

That was clear to both of you. You admitted it early, before she’d even left UK soil after she’d come back with you from your first meeting. She’d rolled her eyes at you and the nerves on your face as you lay in bed together in your pokey Cumbrian flat, and kissed the words from your lips; ‘well duh, of course you do. And I love you.’ which made you laugh and fall into her lips again. But it wasn’t even 12 hours later that you’d had to separate with her season starting again and her need to be in Spain. Her teammates had teased her relentlessly on her return. How she’d U-Hauled with the Jefa de montaña and ran away to the rainey island she so famously disliked just to spend another day together. She'd rolled her eyes and slapped the back of a few heads but it was true. That is what she had done. She’d been overjoyed when she spotted you in the crowd on the first home game of the season. You’d made the surprise trip to Barcelona at the last minute, employing Ingrid to get a ticket in the friends and family section for you. The smile on the Captain's face as she spotted you could be seen from space. You had winked at her and proudly gestured to your brand new Barcelona jersey, Alexias number proudly splayed across your back. As the game ended, with a convincing win for the home team, she’d made a beeline for you in the stands. Jumping over the barrier and embracing you like you hadn’t seen each other for months (oh how used to that feeling you would become), rather than a couple of weeks. “I thought that you preferred rugby?” she had teased you. “Ah, I do, but no one told me how hot the captain in blue and red was” you’d replied, with a wink. Enjoying the blush you’d created on her face, before it was your turn to blush as Alexias eyes darted to your right and greeted, “Mami! Hola!” and embraced a small women in a shirt matching yours who was definitely standing within hearing distance. Just over her shoulder a carbon-copy of Alexia was lurking, a childlike grin on her face and twinkle in her eyes. “Ah, and this is mi hermana Alba!” she had introduced you. ‘Well, nothing like diving in headfirst’ you thought to yourself, as you were introduced to your apparently-new girlfriend's family, as that's what you had just been introduced as, with a squeeze of your hand and a kiss to the side of your head. The Putellas family embraced you with all the enthusiasm in the world. Alba kept you entertained and asked you a million and one questions as you waited for Alexia to be finished with her media and captain duties. Before you knew it you were at an impromptu meet-the-new-english-girlfriend party at the Putellas residence, sharing food with seemingly everyone who had ever been related to Alexia as well as their next door neighbours. Sharing wine, food, and lots of baby Alexia pictures. So yes. You had both moved fast. Maybe it was the speed which you were going that would soon become your downfall. You were moving a million miles an hour and the warning signs were a blur that you couldn’t quite make out. Of those first 6 months, you were on an exhibition for 4. You had travelled to Patagonia to climb some of the last unclaimed peaks on the planet with the National Geographic Society. They were unreachable by road or even yak. You had to sail to the bottom of South America and then move your way up on foot.  It was arduous, it was treacherous, but you found satisfaction and joy in the difficulty.

You become the first person and only woman to ever summit Orjos del Salado and, as you snapped a picture at the top, all you thought was how excited you were to share your achievement with Alexia. As you’d called her a week later from a dive-bar in a shanty town in central Argentina you could hear the pride and relief in her voice, even through the terrible connection. It was the first time you had been able to contact her in a month.

But you’d gone straight from there to leading some American businessmen through the Amazon on a 3 week river and hiking exploration. It paid handsomely, you’d explained to the disappointed blonde, you couldn’t turn it down.

You returned to Barcelona in time to spend a week together before Alexia left for a two week international camp.  Which was then followed by a week long trip for her to Norway, as part of their group stage champions league campaign.

You’d joined her there, soaking as much time together as possible between her matches and training sessions. Maybe it was then that the cracks had begun to show. As you had woken early to pick her up from her hotel to go for an early morning walk and grab some coffee before her media duties. You had been walking hand in hand in the early morning sunshine. You had been half-way through a story from the day before, where you and Ingrid's mum had gone together to a lake outside of Oslo, when you felt her drop your hand suddenly and took a half step away from you. “Huh?” you looked at her and a look you hadn’t seen before took over her features, “What’s going on Ale?”. “Trust me” was all she’d replied, and then it had become apparent her problem as a swarm of fans suddenly engulfed her, asking for selfies and autographs, which she gave out, graciously. She skillfully extracted herself from the situation before you both continued on your way, but now, you noticed, you were at least a foot further apart and a weird atmosphere had taken over you both. It had been when you were both safely in the cafe that you’d addressed it, “are you ashamed of me?” you asked, unable to mask the hurt in your voice. Hands safely wrapped around your Tea. “No!” she’d replied, aghast, as she pulled your hands from your mug into her own. “mírame cariño” you did, and saw the heartbreaking look in her eyes. “I would never be ashamed of you. Do not think that for one moment.” she said it with such conviction that you couldn’t help but nod. “I am sorry, but it is easier. For you. The media. They will pry into your life. It’s happened before with… partners and… I don’t want that for you. For your family. I love you.” “I won’t hide Ale.” you replied. Firmly. You were a free spirit. It was not in your nature to hide yourself, any part of yourself, for anything or anyone. The thought of it made you claustrophobic. “I know you won’t.” she huffed out a laugh, “I do not want us to hide. I promise. But, maybe, if we do not make their job easy for them? Can we do that?”. The look of desperation on her face broke your heart. “Bueno Ale. Para ti. Yo también te amo.” You’d gone your separate ways from there, you had explorations to complete, she was busy with the team. She’d managed to visit England for a few days when her UCWL matches lined up, and you started to return to Barcelona, rather than Cumbria, as a home base between trips. And that's how it had gone for some time. Your birthday had passed, you’d spent it together in Barcelona, Ale having stolen your trusty-old boots and had them professionally repaired and re-waxed. As she presented them to you, on her balcony with a cute bow on top, your heart expanded in joy. She got you. She knew you didn’t want new-top of the range boots that she definitely could afford. This actually was harder, she’d had to research the dying-art of cobblers in the area. She had to sneak them out of your duffell bag, she must have distracted you every time you went for them as your go-to walking shoes in the week. With all her money and fame. She understood that wasn’t you. You loved what you had. And she got that. As you had turned the boots in your hands, taking in all of the familiarity in all their glory and feeling the waxy leather beneath your fingers she couldn’t read your face. “I hope you don’t mind” she’d taken them gently from your hands and she pulled back the tongue, which showed a piece of jersey sewn into the backing-fabric. Blue and red, with a white AP11 embroidered into it. “It's from my first champions league shirt. I cut a swatch off, and had them sew it in…” she whispered. The moment had been heavy. “I know we don’t get to spend time together like most couples, but this way, I’ll always be with you.” Your throat had burned with the effort to keep your tears at bay, you were unsuccessful when you felt her warm hand cup your face and wipe a tear away,

“I’m sorry, It’s probably way too intrusive and I shouldn’t have taken your stuff, I can ta…” You’d silenced her with a kiss. Intense and hungry. “This is the most thoughtful gift I have ever had. I love you Ale. I love you so much.”  “Good.”... you both take a moment to look into each other's eyes, then you feel a movement as she reaches into her pocket and presents proudly what she’s pulled out, eyes shining with mirth “Then maybe you will consider these laces too, no?” and you burst out laughing whilst you take in the Blaugrana coloured hiking laces. You’ve not got it in you to not agree. But love sometimes isn’t enough. Time passed. You continued your work and she continued hers. Valentines days spent on opposite sides of the globe. You weren’t there when she won the Champions League, instead spending it watching it in a bar in Jordan. She wasn’t there as you returned from reaching an undiscovered island as part of a research crew in the South Pacific, instead being in Munich to film a new Nike ad. When you were together you couldn’t walk the streets of Barcelona hand in hand. You’d kept your promise and she kept hers. You weren’t hidden, but you weren’t showcasing your relationship. When she came to England you had more freedom, the people of Cumbia didn’t know who the Spanish superstar was, they just knew her as your girlfriend. Your fit girlfriend according to the teenage boy who lived next door to your mum. You made it work though, between you. You would send her snaps every time you saw children playing football. Pictures from south pacific islands to the mountain villages of the Himalayas, and every time you would receive the same response; “See, el deporte del mundo, I told you <3” It was a perfect storm. What happened. You’d spent a month in Barcelona, more time that you had been able to spend together in the year you’d been a couple. You’d fallen into a domesticity that you hadn’t experienced before. 

Alexia would train, you would have dinner ready for her. She would wake you up with a cup of Tea from her new kettle she's bought especially for you. You would plan routes and give advice to your online contacts about expeditions they had planned. You would sleep wrapped in each other's arms, Alexia would even let you be the big spoon, very occasionally. 

It felt perfect.  Until one, simple comment.

“Ay, look at you, wifey!” Mapi had exclaimed from her place at the table as you brought in the dinner you had prepared for the group,  you had invited her and Ingrid for a couples night, “who would have thought, “La jefa de la montaña. Tamed!” “Shut up Maria.” Ingrid nudged her girlfriend, with a kind smile she turned to you, “This looks delicious! Thank you” As the group tucked in though, you were distracted. Suddenly, the weight of Alexia's hand on your thigh felt heavy. The walls, too constricting. For you, the heat of Barcelona started to become oppressive. Too predictable. You missed England, you missed not knowing what the weather would be hour by hour. The contact blue skies felt like a false--happiness was being forced on you. The ground at your feet, sun dried, felt harsh compared to the muddy grass you had grown up stomping on. Soft, flexible. The routine started to bore you. You missed the weight of your backpack and the freedom of slinging up your hammock. Alexia hadn’t missed the way you had clammed up, the tenseness in your posture, the way your laugh did not reach your eyes for the rest of that evening. For the weeks following she felt like keeping you was like trying to catch smoke. Like trying to hold sand in her bare hands. She could feel you escape through her fingers for the next few weeks.

Which is why she wasn’t surprised when she returned from an away trip to Mallorca to see you on the couch. Hands nervously twisting and unable to meet her eye.

“You’re going again, aren't you?” she asked, as she dropped her bag at the door and settled next to you, taking your hands in hers. You nodded.

“I’m sorry Ale. It's just. It's not me.” you’d explained then, how you had been feeling. And she listened. Even though she knew. Of course she already knew.

“It’s okay, carino.” you’d assured you. You’d look up then, “it is?”

“Si, Mi Vida. I would never ask you to change. And only you would be bored of the life of a professional footballer, and you must be the only English person to ever complain about the weather in Barcelona” she’d lightened the mood with her joke, and rolled her eyes good naturedly.

“Where are you going this time?” she’d continued, and she should have known from your pause that this wasn’t the usual goodbye.

“Everest.”

“Everest.”  She’d reperated. Joy in her voice, she knew it was your life’s ambition to climb the world's highest summit. “...and Denali, and Elbrus...” you had continued to name the 7 highest summits on each continent that you would spend the next 18 months climbing, without oxygen, as part of an international exploration. Silence filled the apartment. “I….” “No.” “No?” you asked, shock in your voice. “No, what?” “No, you can’t do that. It's too dangerous.” “But Ale…” “No. No ‘but Ale’. I get it. I have been your partner now for long enough. I understand. But this is too much. No oxygen, so many climbs… there is too much danger. No.” her tone firm. Final. Her Captain's voice. And that had made the walls feel like they were closing in for you. And you responded like a wild animal, backed into a corner, defensive. “I wasn’t asking.” She let out a frustrated groan, hands covering her face. “Carino, please no. Listen to me. Being with you…” a huff again… “it is hard.” “Oh well, I am sorry Alexia, if being with me is such a chore…” you started. “No, stop, you are not letting me speak…” but you had started at that point. “You are not the one who is hidden away, you aren’t one who has had to move countries, to miss her family, your life hasn’t changed! You’ve given up nothing for this relationship.” you hiss out at her, hardly recognising your own voice. You're speaking just to hurt her. To make this easier for both of you. And that final sentence, seems to be what breaks the usually cool and calm exterior of your girlfriend and she stands and points her finger at you. “Nothing! ¡nada! ¿Cómo te atreves?” she spits out at you, the anger in her tone surprises you, you have never heard her speak like this, “I have sat here and waited. For months I have waited. For anything from you. Being with you is not like a long-distance relationship. You go, for months at a time, you go. And you expect me to sit here and wait. And I do. You do not text, you do not call. I understand that you cannot but do not say I have made no sacrifice for this relationship. When you got lost in the Gobi desert for weeks, what do you think I was doing? Sitting here! Jumping out of my skin every time the phone rang in case it was your Mami telling me you had been found dead. I did not play in The Copa De La Reinga final because I was so sick with worry. He hecho sacrificio. mi equipo, mi familia ha hecho sacrificio and I will not let you disrespect me or them and let you say otherwise.” 

Alexia doesn’t lose any of her anger in her tirade. And the silence that settles over the apartment is heavy. She seems to have surprised herself, as her eyes go wide and she opens her mouth again… but you interrupt her. “No Ale. Do not apologise.” you hold your hand up. “I didn’t think. I'm sorry. You are right. I am not good for you.” This is why you didn’t do relationships. You were a bad partner. You needed to be free, outside, exploring. You lived for adventure. It wasn’t fair.

“No! No Carino, that is not what I said!” tears are in her eyes now, and you knew this would be hard, but you didn’t know it would be this hard. “I love you...” “I love you too,” she quickly replies. Neither of you had even been shy with your affirmations to each other. “I love you so much Ale. But I have to go and do this. I have too. It is who I am. It is my dream. It.. It is my world cup.” She huffs out a laugh as she gently nudges herself into your arms, your attempt at speaking in a way she would understand humouring her. “I know.” she replies, sadly, “but I cannot go through that for 18 months mi amor. I cannot.” “And I won’t ask you to, love.” You move a strand of hair from her face as you kiss her lips, gently, there's a finality in it, you open your mouth again but she cuts in. “I can’t say anything that will stop you, can i?” she asks, as you shake your head, sadly. “When do you leave?” You cringe as you confirm her worst thoughts, “tomorrow.” She takes a deep breath and presses her face into your neck. “Can we do one thing before you go?” she asks you. 

Anything. You would give this woman in your arms anything she asked for at that moment. Apart from stay. And that's how you found yourself swinging on your old lightweight hammock. 

Strung up securely in the Putellas back yard. As you lay on your (ex?) girlfriend's chest, as you both looked up at the stars. You chatted into the night, you laughed and you cried. You fumbled under the blankets like horny teenagers. She asked you to promise to contact when you could. And you asked her to not worry, to concentrate on the Olympics and move on from you. You kept it to yourself that there was no way you were moving on from her.  You didn't know she was keeping the same thing to herself as she promised you she would try.

It was the weirdest break up anyone had ever had.

And, 17 months later, as you lay, trapped, entombed in your own coffin of ice,  you were sure that you could still feel the sway of that hammock, feel the heat of that Barcelona evening and hear the cicadas chirping. As the ice pressed all around you, all you could dream of was being back in that back yard in Barcelona, in the arms of Alexia.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Denali. Done. Vinson. Done.

Aconcagua, Kilimanjaro, Elbrus, Puncak Jaya . Done, Done, Done and Done. You’d faced the heat of Africa, the remoteness of Antarctica, the desolation of Russia. And here you were, finally, on your final summit. Everest. It was somewhat of a dichotomy between the mountaineering community. Everest had become a commercial hub. Have-a-go mountaineers paying big bucks to get a free ride to the highest mountain in the world. But to you, it had always been sacred. You had imagined it, as you climbed hills in the English lakes as a teenager, of one day scaling the iconic mountain. So, why? As you stood on the highest point of earth. After 3 months of acclimatisation. Were you thinking of your ex-girlfriend? Who were you kidding? You knew why. 

Alexia hadn’t been far from your thoughts on any of your summits. Her face popping into your mind at each peak. As you pocketed some rock as had become your tradition you would imagine her face as your hand touched the earth. The same earth she was on, thousands of miles away, probably in lush, manicured grass, kicking a ball around and entertaining thousands. Your group had become your family, and you had grown as close as one. Arguing when tensions got high but snuggling together to share warmth when in survival mode. Joking in bars across the globe and playing so many games of gin rummy that you sure a record had been broken. They teased you relentlessly for the old boots with silly laces you wore on the lower reaches of each summit, before you reached heights that you all had to wear mountaineering boots. Alexia, unknowingly, with you every step of the way. They had even made a game in each country you entered, to help you pick the rudest or funniest postcard to send to Barcelona, snippets of your time you sent to Alexia, keeping the promise you made over a year ago. You could have rang, you know you could. But you didn’t know if you heard her voice you wouldn’t high-tail it to Barcelona. So you sent postcards. It felt old-fashioned. It felt romantic. And you think that really, you liked that she couldn’t reply. It felt anonymous. You took off your snow goggles as you stood at the peak. You had 3 minutes on the highest point on earth without your goggles before you would become snow blind. The sun being about 60% stronger at this elevation. You could see the curvature of the earth.  It reminded you of the curvature of Alexia's shoulders as you held her from behind.

You took in a deep breath of thin air.

Your lung capacity feels like it has doubled since you left Europe.

You have done it. Without oxygen. 7 summits. Your life goal. Complete.

And now. You wanted to go home. 

“Congratulations English Sherpa! You have done it!” Arjan, clamps a heavily gloved hand on your shoulder, his wide smile visible even beneath his snood. Ice hanging from his moustache. He had to shout for you to hear him over the wind. He was a sherpa, he had travelled all around the world with you being one of the experts in the group, he’d affectionately nicknamed you the English Sherpa after he had seen your climbing prowess on your first summit. “We have done nothing yet, my friend. You know you’ve only climbed Everest once you get back down safely” you reply, glee in your voice, fixing your goggles back to your face. “Spoken like a true Sherpa.” he replied, and you both embraced at the top of the world. You didn’t hang around for long. Your entire expedition made it to the top of your final summit and you quickly pictured the moment before making your way down. The biggest risk on Everest is getting stuck in a crowd. It is not as technically difficult as other summits you have done. But without oxygen, a minute can feel like an hour on the highest point on earth. You heard once, it is easier to be saved from the surface of the moon than it is to be saved from the surface of Everest. Luck, however, seemed to be on your side. You had made good progress up, and were making even better progress down. With each step you became more and more gleeful, past 8,000 metres you started to finally feel safer. 7,000 metres, you let the excitement of your achievement settle into your bones. 6,000 metres you let your mind wander to finally going home but why was home seeming more like a sundrenched balcony in Barcelona rather than a green field of England? 5,000 metres, you promised yourself that you would use the satellite phone in your pocket to ring Alexia once you got back to base camp. Tell her you’d done it. Maybe even beg her forgiveness. You were alone on the mountain, ahead of most of your group and low enough now to be unattached to any guidelines, it was a usual affair.  Until it wasn’t.

You felt the ground rumble beneath you. It was barely noticeable. It felt more like the feeling you get when you’re lying in bed and a large truck drives past your house.

But it was enough to instil fear in you as you looked up and saw a wall of moving snow hurtling towards you. It was a slab avalanche, probably caused by the movement of the climbers above, and paired with the lateness of the day, the snow that had fallen and compacted overnight had melted enough to loosen into a wall of ice that was directed your way.

You had about 30 seconds.

You knew to go sideways, do not outrun an avalanche. It's like trying to outrun a cheetah. But this wall of ice looked wide, you ran to your side, moving slowly in the deep snow. As you ran you pulled your goggles back onto your face.

You could feel the earth beneath you falling away as the snow you trod on was unearthed by the vibrations of the snow above.

You ran. You ran for your life, but you knew this wasn’t good. Your training kicked in.

You saw a boulder in front of you and you threw yourself behind it, you created a ball with your body, making sure that you created a hole around your face you would be able to use to breathe. You pulled your ice pole from your back and stuck it into the ground next to you, that would help when you were covered by snow and you didn't know which way was up. Which way you would need to dig. You put one hand in your pocket and pulled the satellite phone in front of your face.

A thunderous rumble. 

And then. 

Silence. Darkness.  —----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alexia didn’t have her phone on at half time. She never paid it any attention - playing or not she was too focussed on the game.

Today, though, she didn’t know why. But she did.

She felt her phone vibrate in the bag at her feet.

And something compelled her to actually make the effort to dig into her bag and pull it out.

The number looked weird. Not a Spanish number, or an English one, she had gotten used to all the +44’s that had rang her over the year spent with you.

She stepped out of the unfamiliar changing room into the impressive corridors of Old Trafford. A post-season friendly. Barcelona Vs Manchester United. The game didn’t mean anything but it was always exciting to check another famous stadium off the list. A sold out crowd and an evening game. Can’t get much better.

She found a disused office room and managed to press accept on the call.

“Hola?”

At first she thought she’d missed it. Nothing on the line responded to her, as she pulled the phone away to check she saw the call had connected… ‘Scammers’ she cursed in her mind, moving to hang up. But just before she did…

“Hola, Ale.” She couldn’t believe it. Your voice. She dropped her weight onto the table behind her and held a hand to her chest that suddenly felt like it was torn in two. Heart beating faster than any 45 minutes of running could cause.

“¿eres realmente tú?”

“Yes, It’s me Ale.”

Tears brimmed in her eyes and even after everything she felt just the same as she did when she stepped out of that minibus nearly 3 years ago and first set eyes on you.

“Are you okay carino? Did you do it?”  she asked, breathlessly. “I did it, love.” was the response. In her pride at your accomplishment she missed how you hadn’t addressed her first question.

“Nunca tuve ninguna duda, I am so relieved to hear from you. The line is so quiet, are you still there?”

“Si…” a pause which Alexia attributes to the poor connection, “It must be the signal.” she notices you move on, quickly, “Can… can you just talk to me?”. Alexia smiles despite herself, you used to always ask her to talk you to sleep when your mind was whirring, completing your greatest accomplishment must be in that category and she can imagine you fidgeting in pent up adrenaline.

“I can amor, I have a few minutes. I am in Manchester. We are at half time at Old Trafford.”

“Old Trafford, hey?” she hears you laugh, “Finally, a football ground I’ve heard of.” She's missed your teasing lilt.

“Si, even you. It is raining. Why is it always raining here? I imagine you have better weather even at your camp.” Alexia jokes, innocently. The laugh you let out feels a little… forced? But she lets it go.

“I had lunch with your Mami today. We are only an hour or so away from yours, why did you never tell me we were so close?” Again, that laugh that she loves so much, but it felt more tired that she’d heard it before, more muffled. Though. She supposed, you must be exhausted.

“Because then, my love, you would have made us go and watch football matches and I much preferred to spend our time together in my bed.”

“Ah, Si, I remember, you did.” she responds, blushing and not missing a beat. 

“Your Mami is doing well. She is in the stands….” “Tell her I love her, Ale.” you cut in. There's a desperate edge to your voice that sends shivers down Alexia's spine. She stands, “I will. Of course I will. Carino, are you okay?” she realises now, you never answered her first question. “I stood on the top of Everest today, Ale.” you reply. You haven’t answered her question. She opens her mouth to ask it again but you continue, “I stood on the top of Everest and all I could think of was you.” Your words force her to sit again, her spare hand to her mouth, keeping in a muffled sob. “Don’t you think that's insane? That today, Ale. You were in Manchester and someone. On top of the world. The highest point on this Earth. The highest person on this planet. Only about 4 spacemen floating around above me. Had only you in their mind? I think that means you’ve been to the top of the world, Ale. En la cima del mundo conmigo. You were there with me, every step.” You sound drunk, she wouldn’t blame you, thin air for months it wouldn’t take more than half a pint to see you off, the thought of your ramblings makes her smile despite herself, she knows she shouldn’t, but she leans into it. “Everyone here talks like you….” she pauses, “In Manchester. Only me and Ona can understand them. With your flat vowels. It made me think of you more today. Miss you more than normal today. And now you call.” There's a knock on the office door, “Ale, Vamos!” half time has ended. She has never wanted to play football less than right now. “Because we’re soulmates” your voice definitely had a slur to it now, “and I miss you too. I’ll always miss you, my Ale.” you always got soppier when you drank. “You won’t miss me for long, Carino. You will be home soon. I don’t care if you decide that it's England or Spain. Whichever. I will be there. Si?... We will be together soon. We can sort all this out.” “Hopefully, n..to..oo soon.” she struggles to hear you, the connection starting to fail. “Pardon? Amor?” another knock at the door. She feels like she's being pulled in half as she presses the phone closer to her ear. “Amor. I have to go. Well done, Estoy tan orgullosa de ti. Call me when you can.” “I love you, Ale…” “I lo…” beep beep beep. The call drops before she has a chance to respond. —-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You feel pain all over your body. You had never felt pain like it. It was like every sinew in your body was screaming out in pain. You opened your eyes and immediately closed them again. Blinding white. You heard voices. Alarmed voices. 

Shouting voices. “HERE, HERE!!!” You felt yourself being moved. It made the pain worse. You tried to tell them to stop. 

Your throat couldn't make a sound. And then all you knew was black. 

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- More darkness. You felt something covering your face. Your body being stripped. Water. Boiling water. It burned. You were submerged. “No no no no no no…” was all you could try to vocalise. A calming hand in your hair. “It is lukewarm water, we are trying to bring your body temperature up…” 

No, no. They were lying. The voice was lying. You thrashed. A pain in your arm. A needle? Darkness took you again. —--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “There is no chance, Arjan.” “Bu….” “No. You are an experienced Sherpa. You are letting yourself get lost. There is no chance. She is too far gone. Air evac is the only way. No Nepalese pilot will fly at this altitude. We need to make her comfortable…” —--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You felt yourself being moved.

Less painful this time.

You felt wind on your face.

This wasn’t natural wind.

The sound of blades. Air moving unnaturally. Choppily.

Your face is covered again. 

The wind gets louder. More mechanical. You feel yourself being lifted up. “You’ve some friends in high places, English Sherpa.” you hear whispered to you, a hand on your forehead. Arjan? Your friend is speaking to you. You feel less alone. You try to open your eyes but the effort feels herculean. And then nothingness. —------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This time, when you wake up. You stay awake. You’re in an unfamiliar room. It’s obvious it's a hospital room. But you’re alone. You look around and see yourself wired up to all sorts of machines. But that's it. You try to move to sit up but your shoulder screams in protest. You take stock of your body. You feel a bandage wrapped around your head. Your head is banging now you think about it. Your right arm is completely immobile. Your arm wrapped across your chest and hand completely covered by bandages. You try to wiggle your fingers but. Nothing. God. You hope they’re still there. Before you had too long to spiral the door burst open and you were faced with a smiling, familiar face. “Arjan!” you try to exclaim, voice rough from underuse. “She’s awake. My friend!” his sun-soaked face suits his smile. His bushy eyebrows make his eyes almost invisible as he crinkles them in joy. Arjan settles next to you and fills you in on everything you were present for, but missed out on account of being buried alive or completely unconscious. Your choice to hide behind the boulder had been the first thing to save your life. It had protected you from being swept away by the avalanche and was easier to locate. Before you had called Alexia you had contacted base camp. But your GPS had been knocked off so all they knew was that you were alive. And where you told them you had last been. You’d lost consciousness fairley quickly. Brain starved of oxygen in the small air pocket you had created. Hypothermia had set in slowly.

Your hand had been left exposed after using the phone, and you remember wiggling your fingers, seeing them slowly turn black as they succumbed to frostbite. It had taken 3 days to find you. Luckily, you had been the only person caught up in the snow. You remember, now, coming in and out of consciousness. You even recall a bad spell of seeing Alexias face in the boulder your head rested against and talking to it. Maybe you’d keep that you yourself. Bit embarrassing really. Your legs were pinned down by snow. You had used your last piece of strength to thrust your ice pole upwards. You'd chosen the direction based on the way your tears fell. That was the second thing that had saved your life. Arjan had spotted the pole in the ice field. Days after everyone else had given up on ever finding you. You’d been dragged to base camp and they started to treat hypothermia. You were more than halfway to dead. You resembled a corpse. Arjan had told you he'd never seen anyone literally blue. “Pulled it off tho, my friend” he’d tried to joke. “Of course, always” you’d winked back in reply. You'd have no chance of survival whilst still on the mountain. The air was still too thin and your were suffering from hypoxia. Problem was, the air was too thin for an air evacuation and. Well. As you knew. It was easier to be saved from the surface of the moon than it was to be saved from the surface of Everest. The third thing that had saved you. Was Alexia. “You have someone who’s gone to the moon and back for you, my friend.” Once she’d found out you had gone missing she had gone to the UK embassy in London to start a search and rescue campaign. When they hadn’t moved quickly enough she had involved the Spanish government. She’d used her resources and status to launch a media campaign which had pressured both governments. She’d flown to Kathmandu herself and was trying to hire a plane to Lukla when you’d been found. Then her attention turned to locating a pilot crazy enough to fly at such an altitude. Turns out anyone was crazy enough for the right price. And many, many euros later, the highest ever search flight took off from the surface of Everest, with you on board. “She’s a force to be reckoned with, your girl.”

He told you, as he reached to the ground below you, “...and you’ll be happy to hear, I saved your precious boots” he dumped your familiar old tattered boots at the bottom of your bed.

“And some stuff from your tent. But I had to hike it out so I left some of the smellier clothes.” he joked, as you thanked him, he really was a good man. “... Wait… hike it out? How long have I been here?” “You’ve been unconscious for a week my friend. I always told you you were lazy.” You took a moment to take stock. A week. Well. That meant that even if Alexia had been in Kathmandu, she was a million miles away now. The door opens again and you’re too lost in your own thoughts to give any care to the nurse whos been coming in every now and again checking charts whilst you and Arjan chatted. “Ah here she is. La Reina herself!” You turned your head quickly and took in the face that had been the last image in your mind every night, and the first every morning, since the day you had parted. “Ale…” you breathed. Here. She was here. In Kathmandu. In the same room as you. 

She looked as beautiful as ever, hair flowing over her shoulders, blonder than the last time you had seen her. She had gained muscle and her features had sharpened. But everything else was the same. Her smell invaded your senses. That smell that mosquitoes loved so much. You got it. Her eyes were sharp, and directed firmly at you. They looked tired. She held a sense of exhaustion. You wanted her to fall into your arms, but she stood at the door, and you couldn't open them to welcome her in. The moment was heavy and Arjan broke the silence and stood… “I’ll leave you both to it. See you around English Sherpa.” and with a squeeze of your foot he was gone. Leaving you both in a heavy silence. “Thank You Ale.” you said, breaking the silence.

After all Arjan told you, you owed her your life. She didn't respond. But her eyes had moved from your face and were now directed at the boots still on your bed. As battered as ever, Blaugrana laces snapped and re-tied in several places, swatch still visible on the tongue. Maybe you thought that your meeting would be a bit more romantic, not as…tense? She stroked one of the boots gently with her finger, seemingly lost in a trance. “Ale…?” “You have a habit of not telling me important things.” Whatever you expected it wasnt that. “Qué?” “That you speak Spanish, how you feel, I don’t know… that your trapped in a fucking avalanche.” you’d seen her angry before, you’d seen that anger directed at you, but this felt worse. It was directed through you. She kept her distance when all you wanted to do was hold her close. “How could you do that? How could you let us speak knowing that you were about to freeze to death and just chat to me, like it was a normal Sunday afternoon?” “I…I didn’t want to worry you…” you croaked out, you felt like a school child who was being told off by the head teacher. And you deserved it, you supposed. “I will always worry about you, por el amor de dios!!” She started to pace around the bottom of your bed, your eyes moving like they were taking in a tennis match watching her wear the ground down. “...and to think I finished that game. I slept that night at your flat. Happy, finally feeling like I almost had you back. Your mami took me home. And then, the next morning, I walked into the kitchen. And there she was, crying at the table. She could hardly tell me what had happened. And then it all fell into place. You’d called me when you thought you were already in your grave, didn’t you?” All you could do was nod, arms desperate to dry the tears tracking down her face. “I’m glad to see you.” you let out. Unsure of what else to say. “You won’t be. I am so, so angry at you.” “I know you are bu…” 

“No, you did your speaking on that Mountain. Now you listen” Her tears are dry now and the anger is back in her face. “I have sorted a medical flight. We leave tonight. We’re going back to Barcelona. I don’t care if you want to go back to that rainey island or not. It’s not your choice, it's mine. You almost froze to death, you need the sun. The warm. You will come with me every day to the doctors at the club. They will monitor you. Your family will come to visit. You will go to a therapist. You will take your medication. You will not ignore your medication because you think its better to treat yourself with whatever crushed bug or mashed-up leaves you think is better….” She stops for breath. “That was one time…” you mumbled, referring back to the time you insisted that a crushed cucumber was better than antiseptic cream to treat a bee sting. “Nope. You are still listening.” She stopped you, firmly again, but you felt her eyes softening as she took you in, “... and when we get home and you get better, we will talk. We will decide where we are building our life together, but that is one non-negotiable. It will be together. Okay?” She seems to be finished. And she's moved closer to you, close enough for you to reach out and grab her hand with your good one. You nod, and pull her hand to cup your face. “I just have one question.” you ask, seeking permission to speak. She nods as she strokes your face, tired and burnt from over-exposure. “Are these fingers still attached?” you ask, shaking your injured arm at her, “they’re kind of important for my plans, if you know what I mean” you wiggle your eyebrows suggestively. Her laugh makes you think maybe you did die on that mountain, because surely, here, with her, you’re in heaven. “Te amo, idiota” —-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You awoke surrounded by soft sheets and sleep-warm pillows. Your once-injured arm tweaked in pain slightly as you stretched out. You had physio later this afternoon, you thought to yourself, you had better mention it. You rolled out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen, still covered in blankets, bed hair resembling a yeti. You almost tripped up over your rucksack which was laying in the hall. Where it had been since your return to Barcelona, months ago. You hadn’t been ready to unpack it quite yet. You could hear Alexia on the phone out on the balcony, and you gestured the international, ‘want a drink’ sign to her, which she shook her head at. You shrugged. God, sometimes she was so Spanish. A good Brit would never let a hot kettle go to waste. It had been months of reconnection, Alexia finally letting go of her anger as soon as you entered the flat. She broke down in your arms that first night, simultaneously telling you how angry she was at you and how much she loved you at the same time. How she had never been as scared in her life. You just dealt with it by pressing kisses into her hairline.

She'd made you sit in the sun of the balcony every chance she got. Morning, Noon and Night. Moving you around to chase the rays. Insisting that you needed the warmth and vitamins of the sun to recover. The image of you pale, cold and frozen in the hospital in Nepal seared into her mind. When Mapi and Ingrid visited Mapi teased you, and had taken to calling you Bagheera. She said you resembled her cat, chasing the sun to lounge in at every occasion. She quickly stopped when Alexia slapped the back of her head. You no longer had to hide your relationship. Alexia had blown the doors off that as she went to the media in order to get the resources to save you. The feeling of claustrophobia that had made you flee from Barcelona had gone. You knew what being trapped really felt like now. And how you ever thought the love of your life and a shared life in this sun-drenched city was suffocating. Well. That was a different person to who you were now. Yeah, you would always love the outdoors. But you had an anchor now. Something that made you maybe not scale that next peak, and instead be excited to share a recipe with. Maybe not stay on the trail for an extra week, and instead pick out a good film to settle down to. Your mum was over the moon. She’d been a regular visitor. You thought she’d be upset, when you decided to stay in Spain instead of going back to England but she seemed offended by the idea. “That girl saved your life you stupid woman, of course will stay here with her.” Alexia didn’t accept it so easily. She was worried you would feel trapped again, that she wasn’t compromising. She would rather move with you than lose you. “Ale. Barna is your life.” you had replied, simply, “...and you are mine.” “It is not!” she had refused, aghast at the suggestion until you said, “United will have me, so will City, my agent has checked, I would even go to the Championship and play for Newcastle, I look great in black!” “Ale, you literally have a floor tile tattooed on your back. We’re staying here.” you said, deadpan. And she couldn’t say much to that. So, much to the despair of every football fan in England. She signed a new contract with Barcelona not two weeks ago. Maybe it was how settled you felt this morning, as the kettle boiled. The soreness in your muscles after the night you spent together in bed, which must be why your shoulder was straining now. Maybe you'd keep that away from the physio. Though, maybe he’d be happy to hear that your fingers were definitely fully recovered. Not as happy as Alexia was though, you'd bet. But something about this morning made you brave enough to finally open that rucksack in the hallway. As you zipped it open your fingers caught on a single piece of cardboard. A postcard. You flipped it over as arms encircled your waist and gentle lips kissed your shoulder. “Carino?” she asked, looking at the postcard in your hands. “I never got to give you this.” you whispered, as you held the postcard over your shoulder, she let you go as she turned it in her hands. She let out a barking laugh as she moved towards the fridge where 6 other postcards sat proudly, waiting for their 7th to complete the set. A woman in a bikini, sat on a yak wearing a cowboy hat, the imposing structure of Everest in the background. A speech bubble coming out of her mouth ‘I’ve seen bigger’. Alexia rolled her eyes at you as she stuck it to the fridge with a magnet showing the message you wrote all those months ago.

“Ale, I’m here. 

One more summit and I’ll be on my way back to you. For good. How can I say it in your language? ‘It’s coming home’. 

fin. 

[catskets]

A more in-depth guide for creating visual novels, especially in the horror, horror-romance, etc circles

Some of you have seen my previous, smaller post on crafting visual novels, especially in this little space of Tumblr that a lot of us have found themselves in. Since that post took off, I've wanted to create a longer guide to help touch on some points I've thought about for the past few months.

In case you've never heard of me, I'm Kat, also known as catsket. I have a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Game Design. I've been making games for nearly 5 years, and I've been doing visual novels more "professionally" for 2. You may know me for Art Without Blood, 10:16, God is in the Radio, or Fatal Focus. I'm here to help you make your first visual novel.

Please note that my advice does not fit everyone, and you may disagree with what I say. That's okay! It doesn't work for all. That's why there's thousands of resources out there.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE NEVER MADE A GAME

So, you have an idea for a huge visual novel. Horror, a shady and obsessive love interest, a little bit of woo-hooing. 100k words. Maybe a million. What is this, the 07th Expansion?

I notice a lot of people getting into visual novels are artists first. That's okay! I wanted to do art for games before I realized how much I enjoyed writing. And even less of you have probably touched Visual Studio. Again, perfectly okay. We all start somewhere.

My number one piece of advice? Make shitty games.

What does that mean?! My recommendation to those who have never done games is to make a bunch of shitty ones. Think of a theme, or hell, even join a game jam, where you make a game that fits a theme in a short amount of time. Spend about a week on your game. Focus on making something polished. Polish your mechanics. Polish your output.

I recommend, if you can, to make at least 4-6, if not more, kind of shitty games before hopping into longer projects. Making a game is a skill, just like art, just like writing. And game development is combining ALL of these together into one big soup being stirred by a skeleton hand puppet. You'll get into the rhythm and see what works for you.

It also helps you learn, perhaps, the second most important thing here: do you even like making games? There are cases out there where people have created video games (not saying visual novels) just for clout. That's no fun for you, that's no fun for your players. And you might go through this process and find that you don't like making games. That's completely okay! It's not for everyone.

Also, you can use these shittier games to gather an audience. I've built my audience because, for the past few years, I've been releasing games that slowly give me growing fields of eyes every day. A success story overnight is a rare one. It takes time. It's like building a brand, but you aren't a brand, you're an artist.

REV UP YOUR ENGINES!

Ren'py is the number one engine you will be recommended. It is very beginner-friendly, with lots of tutorials, assets on itch.io to use and download, and support. The engine comes with a few tutorials in the form of games, whose code you can freely browse. This is the engine I use most often. Most visual novels you see are made in this engine.

Twine is a text-based engine that most people use for interactive fiction. You can add images and audio, though, if you don't mind messing with HTML. I use Twine for text games and for outlining for my larger games. Ever played Degrees of Lewdity? Yeah, I know you have. Don't ask why. That game was made in Twine.

RPG Maker has multiple versions and has been used for exclusively VNs if you don't mind fucking around with plugins. It can definitely give your game a super unique feel. I recommend RPG Maker MV, since it has the most resources. This line of engines usually costs money, but it often goes on sale for under $5-$15.

People will recommend TyranoBuilder, but as a user and player, the lack of options and the format the games often come in is just...not fun to navigate. It advertises itself as little to no code, but it's often evident in the final results. Some good games have been made in it, though, so if you want to use it for prototyping/practice, you can. I'm not a fan, but that doesn't mean that fans don't exist! This engine costs money.

Not an engine, but check out Ink! Super useful scripting language that's used for more professional projects.

DEMOS, DEMOS, DEMOS

You've got an idea for a long-term project, and now you want to show it to the world! But wait, wait, don't do that yet!

When should I start advertising my game? This is a personal opinion, but I say that you should not start advertising your game until 50-60% of your demo is complete. Why? As I've discussed with some fans of indie VNs, they can name quite a few projects that have been in the "working on the demo" age for 1-2+ years. I've been in the Kickstarter MMO circles. If you, making a single-player experience with little mechanics to balance and polish (aka a visual novel), are taking that long on a demo, I am going to assume the game is not coming out. There are some games I have seen out here that have been in "working on the demo" phase where I haven't seen a single ounce of what the project will look like.

What should I put in my demo? The purpose of a demo is to showcase the mechanics and the vibes and the mechanics of your game. It's a demonstration. In my last post, I pointed to the Dead Space 2 demo that was showcased at E3 (RIP), that takes place about 2 hours into the story and shows how enemies are defeated, some animations, bits of the story, etc. Usually, because it's less about mechanics and more about vibes, visual novel demos showcase a certain percentage of the full thing (5-10%.) Can you showcase the vibe of the game here and what players should expect? If not, show off another portion.

How long should I work on my demo? Before, I said 3-4 months. That can be true, that can also not be true. Think about how long the demo takes you in proportion to how long the actual game should take you. Don't put too much effort. The demo is to showcase the vibe. It's to see how much the public and fans may enjoy the game.

My game is 18+, what should I do? Make a splash screen when the game is downloaded to let players know your game is 18+. If it's going to contain sexual content, you can hide it with itch.io's adult content filter. Write it on the page itself that your game is for adults only. Don't put your demo behind a paywall. This is genuinely ridiculous. The purpose of a demo is to showcase what a game is like before a player purchases it. That defeats the point of a demo. I've seen this happen, and it discourages players from approaching, especially because most demos never make it past the demo phase. So...I'm paying you $10 for 2-3k words of a game that may never come out?

Should I make a social media for my game? YES! Go for it. These anchors are how people will find your game. Make a Tumblr and open that ask box. Make a Twitter. Go to BluSky. Advertising is not bad. Some YouTubers even take e-mail suggestions from developers. Feel free to shoot your shot. The worst they can do is not respond.

HOW TO SET UP YOUR ITCH.IO PAGE:

Getting your itch.io to a presentable state can be very challenging! There's many ways to do it. I highly recommend using this page image guide for learning how to size your images to make your page pop!

Itch.io themselves has suggested to not publish a page until the game or demo is released. You can make the page and keep it as a draft, but do not publish it until you're ready!

Your cover image is the image that will appear in the search of the website, on any front pages, in collections, and on your profile. What have I seen that works? Key art of one of the characters up close and the title of the game! If you can make it a .GIF, do it! Bitches love .GIFs!

Itch.io recommends 3-5 screenshots on your page. I recommend 1 of these 5 be a .GIF that shows how gameplay feels. This is effective, even for visual novels!

Write a 3-5 sentence summary about your game for the description. What is your story about? What is the draw?

DO NOT BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO IS GOING TO SAY "This is not like other visual novels. It doesn't have that cheesy this or that or-" No one cares. Genuinely. You're putting down other games in your genre and elevating yourself to the pompous level.

TAG YOUR GAME! itch.io gives you a list of tags to choose from when you go to tag. DON'T USE THIS! Try to go for more specific tags. Arimia has a very good guide on how to use itch.io's tagging system to your advantage.

GENERAL GAME MAKING ADVICE

SCOPE KNIFE IS SUPER USEFUL! Everyone makes games that are way over their workload. It's okay to cut out features and add them later. Prioritize making a finished game before hitting those stretch goals.

PLAN, PLAN, PLAN! Writing outlines is super helpful. I use Twine for my outlines, because you can connect your passages together and make really well-thought webs.

IT'S OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP! Whether it's from friends, professionals, or anything in-between. They can help with assets, editing, etc.

HONE YOUR SKILLS OUTSIDE OF GAMES! Write some poetry. Do some sketches everyday. Improve on your craft to improve your games

MUSIC IS HARD. THERE ARE RESOURCES. Most of us aren't musicians. That's okay. Make sure the music you get for your game is allowed to be used. You can use anything non-commercial if your game will not cost money or donations. I try to do songs in the public domain or free to use overall with credit if I don't have a musician. Consult the Creative Commons website if you're unsure how you're supposed to use a certain piece of music. If you don't use the right stuff, not only can it put you in legal trouble, but it can put streamers in hot water if they play your game and they can't upload the video because music is copyrighted.

PLEASE, DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR UI. Wanna know an easy way to get your game to look more professional? Edit the damn UI for your game. Make a new textbox, even if it's just a black box. Change the font. Eventually, players recognize the defaults and patterns of games made in certain engines and may attribute a lack of UI changes to a developer being lazy. It doesn't take very long to change the colors around and move text! Please do it to add a little pop to your game.

DEADLINES ARE AWESOME. Not everyone works well under pressure, but if you give yourself an infinite amount of time to make something, it'll never get done. Set goals for yourself for how much you can work on something.

IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP, GIVE UP. Making things is hard, especially long-term. Emergencies happen, jobs happen, life happens. Let your fans know that a project isn't happening anymore. Don't leave them in the dark. You don't need to tell strangers your medical history or anything, but transparency + honesty are really hot traits. You should use those in your creative work. This is one reason why I advocate for not publishing or advertising things until you know it's stable.

SHOWCASING YOUR CONTENT

People love to see WIPs for games! This is what the devlog is good for! A devlog is a post where a developer talks about and showcases some things happening in the game? What can you add to your dev log?

PERCENTAGES! How much of the artwork is done? How much of this character's route is done?

SNEAK PEEKS AT ARTWORK AND SPRITES!

GIFS! GIRLS LOVE GIFS!

Anything else to showcase your game's content! Posting consistent updates retains and even gains a fan's attention for your work.

RUNNING YOUR TUMBLR

You've joined us, and you've made a Tumblr for your blog! Link it on the itch.io page, so people can come find you after playing your awesome demo!

Do I have to respond to every ask? No. It's your blog. Delete whatever asks you want.

I got a hate comment! What do I do? Delete it and move on. I have a more detailed section on hate below.

I want to interact with [blog]! How do I do that? Reach out to the devs for silly little collabs. If you come onto a developer slightly headstrong, they might feel you are being abrasive or using them for content.

If people make fan content, interact with it! Encourage it! Reblog it. Show your love.

OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS

PROFESSIONALISM IS KEY. These may be pet projects, but you want to appear some level of professional on your actual itch.io page.

Being dismissive of player and fan complaints or criticisms will make you appear childish.

If your game is broken, fix it. I have been told by some amateur developers to ignore game-breaking bugs. It does not make me, a player, want to engage with your content. It seems messy and unfinished.

With the above point, it's 100% okay to have bugs and errors upon release. Every developer and their brood mother has. To decrease these issues, get playtesters. Friends can play your games, spot any errors, and help you point out things that can be improved upon. I recommend having playtesters at every stage of development.

Make sure your game runs before you publish it. Please.

You can still be silly and giddy! There's no reason to not be, especially when you get positive comments! The point of this is to not be outright rude to potential players and fans.

IGNORE HATE COMMENTS. In this case, a hate comment is a statement that contains no constructive criticism and are only here to be insulting or malicious. People are going to leave you with actual piles of dog shit in your ask box. They are trying to provoke you. Giving hate comments any attention, even if you're there to "clap back" proves that they got to you, even if you don't take the hate to heart. They will continue to pester you. Delete any hate comments and ignore them completely. Laugh about them with friends in a private setting, sure.

THINK BEFORE YOU REFERENCE! I know one big thing in this community is adding references to other games in yours, such as plushies of other characters or putting them on posters. The best thing you can do it ask the developer before adding this. How would you feel if some random person you've never met put your character in a video game? Most of us would feel weird and potentially violated. Open communication with devs is awesome. I am usually okay with it as long as someone asks for permission.

As a complete aside, I prefer more tasteful references to other games as opposed to 523482346 plushies and posters. These have been slightly overdone. Why not theme a candy after another game's character? Maybe your characters know each other.

OTHER RESOURCES I RECOMMEND

Devtalk is a server dedicated to independent visual novel creators. You can find jobs, resources, advice, talks, and, like, everything there! Devtalk is super useful. Everyone in there is so cool. They have a really great and comprehensive list of resources that I could not even begin to cover.

Visual Novel Design is a great YouTuber. No other words, check the guy out!

Ren'py and whatever other engine you're using has documentation that's super useful to follow.

Arimia not only has amazing VN resources, especially for marketing, but she also just has? Amazing games that you should check out?

And for a shameless self plug, I'm the lead of Sacred Veins, a collective of devs creating narrative games, whether it be horror, humor, romance, or everything in-between. Come hang out with us!

[chrolloluvr]

💸 Ways Toxic!Mammon takes over your life as your controlling, doting boyfriend (pt.1?) 💸

Note: Female!Reader, AFAB (Whoever came up w/ voxtok shout out to you!!!), this also takes place before Fizz quit. Also not proofread!

Warnings: semi nsfw, cussing, manipulation, slut shaming, killing, dominance, toxic relationship goals!

Social media. As we all are aware, he has a huge influence online. He has millions and even billion of fans, which he can exploit and persuade very easily. He controls your accounts, people you follow, the things you post (if he even lets you post at all), etc. He controls all of your comments, and filters them. One time, your best friend had left a comment that said, "Damn girl, looking fine ASF", And he was fuming. He forbid you from ever seeing that 'friend' ever again.

You most likely have to make a secret account that you post on. And its very popular. It may consist of you talking about Mammons icks, dancing videos with him (you convinced him, because you told them they were privated.), which all most likely get millions of views. But lets hope Mammon does not find it, or else he will not be happy with you.

How you two as a couple are perceived. He cares alot about his public image. So he will pay out media outlets and news stations to percieve you, himself and your relationship in a good light. So lets say Mammon is getting "cancelled", (he never in a million years actually would, too many people look up to him and adore him.) for bringing supposed groupies backstage after an event he is hosting. Even if he actually did, he would pay the media huuuge amounts of money to get himself out of trouble. Same goes for you. Your poor choices reflect onto him as well, since you two are a very public couple.

Like I have said before in previous posts, you two are definitely the most watched, reported and popular couple in Hell. Sinners and native demons admire the dynamic between you two. So lets say you lash out at a fan for getting their camera too close to you? And then that fan posts footage on Voxtok or Sinstagram, you may get some backlash.

Lets be honest, Mammon probably wont jump to defend you unless it involves him in some way. If it does not involve him, he will block some people by logging into your account, (because he knows all of your passwords), but nothing more.

The clothes you wear. He buys you your clothes, so in his mind, he has every right to choose what goes on your body. If he sees you wearing something revealing, he will tell you 'you look like a slut babe. Where are you going, the fuckin' strip club?' He says shit like that even if your showing an inch of stomach. He for the most part wants you to wear things he chooses. He prefers if you two are matching all the time, but if you are just going out to get groceries, he likes when you wear oversized sweatshirts/hoodies, with leggings. I know its an oddly specific combo, but he thinks it doesn't show off any of your supple skin, and you look so appealing. Especially if its a brand Mammon owns. Mans will go feral. I feel like every time you leave the house with or without him, he will be sitting on the couch, saying 'C'mon, you know the drill cutie. show daddy what your gonna wear, yeah?'

He loves it when he sees you in a natural, underdressed state alone at home. His by far most treasured thing he likes to see on you, is you either in your bra and matching panties, or you in an oversized t shirt and panties with no bra. He especially likes those really dainty, "girly" colors and patterns. He likes seeing you dress feminine.

Calling him daddy. Yes you heard me. He has a huge power influx, and having you call him that fuels the fire in his ego. If its the morning, and you yawn and stretch out a tired, 'good mornin' daddy', he is hard. And this isn't even a fully sexual thing for him, since he isnt all that sexual extremely often. He just loves being called daddy. But if it were somebody else calling him that, they would get the death stare and an upset Mammon. But with you, he likes dominating you. So call him daddy. It will get him in a good mood, and If you want something from him? A daddy or two wont hurt.

Who you talk to. Once you two are together, he with subtly cut people out of your life that he thinks are a threat to your relationship. He will try to cut off any of your male friends or if you had any, your ex's. This sneaky man will probably send photos of you giving him head that he took without your permission. And he will never tell you he did that. Anyways, once he gets rid of all of these people, he will convince you that 'ohhh, princess, c'mon dont get your panties in a twist. Maybe they are just on vacation, you dont gotta act like a little whiny bitch-'. And by vacation, he means threatened, or killed.

He does not want you being influenced by anybody but himself. And especially not by any men. One of his many influx of issues is his jealousy/possession, (which I will get into on another post.) SO really the only other person besides himself that you can talk to are people he has met, and are proven to him to not uphold any power against him.

Meaning he will never let you meet Asmodeus. He is a horrible influence in his mind, and he does not was Ozzie to make you aware of his manipulation tactics. He may let you meet Beelz or Lucifer, but never Ozzie. He is the embodiment of lust, which is like toxic waste for your mind.

You bank account. If you need him to send funds, he will as long as you give him a little kiss on the cheek. But if you have been a bad girl, you might need to work for his money. If he is feeling particularly nice today, he will text you, sending a photo of the transfered funds he sent you, reading 25k+ sent. He loathes in the 'oh no you didn't have to Mamm' he gets from you, or the 'I feel bad, send it back!' Because in reality, he does not like to spend his money on anything useless. And to him, you aren't useless. So sharing some of his "hard earned" cash truly shows how he trusts and believes you wont go out on a limb for him.

And plus, now that your with him, he has taken all of your funds. He wont tell you that, even thought it didn't matter, considering how little you had compared to his trillion dollar net worth. So if you ever do stupidly decide to leave him, you wont be able to.

Puts a tracker on you, or has his goons follow you. This is another thing you are blissfully unaware of. He has an unreleased app on his phone, where he can see wherever you are at all times. While you were sleeping in your shared bedroom, he would put a tracker chip deep into you ear. So that he doesn't have to worry about his most prized possession running away when he isn't around. Or if he cant physically see you and he wants to? He has some loan sharks or his bodyguards follow you silently. I think awhile back, Mammon developed "Mammons Super Secret Spy Glasses", a product made for naive kids, and was released to the masses. But that transformed into an opportunity to exploit his goons into using them to spy on you. Do they want to creepily follow you? No. But can they refuse. Absolutely not. Nobody can refuse Mammon.

If somebody does take you somewhere, he will have his goons kill them, but come to the location and make it look like he killed them for your sake.

Controls where you can and cant go. He 100% does this. He wouldn't even let you in the vicinity of any kind of smoke shop, strip club, etc. He wants you to stay innocent, and naive for him. Meaning he will never let you in the lust ring, which alludes to the fact that him and Ozzie... aren't on the best terms per say. But will let you in any other ring under severe supervision. He cant have you doing any stupid shit to mess with his public image.

He wont even let you roam around in his own ring, because he is well aware of how dangerous it has become. He doesn't want his pretty little thing being kidnapped by some dirty, greasy men on the streets. But if you really want to go somewhere, he will let you go near there, but he will cover your eyes with his top two hands, and guide your waist with his bottom pair of hands somewhere he deems safe.

I also think he would follow you to the bathroom, and he would definitely offer to (does anyways) wipe for you.

How you act. Once you two are together, you will learn things the Mammon way. He will teach you how to become his esteemed future wife, and soon you might even have his kids (when he feels like babytrapping you, but that might be a later work.) He will teach you his version of manners, such as how to sit properly on his lap, teaching you how to french kiss (Which he assumes is your first time kissing somebody), How to sit still properly on his large cock, How to rock your hips just right-

He just wants you to be prepared for him. If he comes home at night, he expects the usual kiss on the cheek, asking him how his day was, and then the finale, which consists of your naked body and your legs being spread wider than his shit eating grin. He just wants to be ready to blow your back out, not having to worry about wasting time.

In the morning, he wants his breakfast served by none other than his obedient little princess. Then, he wants you to personally brush and floss his teeth. Then, he wants you to pick his outfit. (you will never truly get a say, he just wants to know from your perspective what makes him sexier.) And finally, the finishing act, holding your hair tightly into a makeshift ponytail, while he bobs your head up and down his cock.

Sexually frustrating you. After a while, you will miss his sexual touches. You will begin to crave them, as you will find yourself wanting him more and more. He is just so good at eating your pussy, and making you feel like your on cloud 9.

So don't be suprised if you find yourself humping his leg, as he bounces his thigh up and down to try and overstimulate you.

Makes you come to his shows. He will drag you to them. He does not care how tired you are, you will be there and sit pretty. He will let you in for free, but if you want a piece of merchandise, or some popcorn, he will make you pay. (even though its his money). When you first start dating, that is the case. But now that you two are officially an item? You sit up on the terrace with him in his webs. He has two of his left side arms wrapped around you, while he forces you to hand feed him.

And sometimes people catcall you from up above. One time, a couple dudes got drunk of Beelzejuice, and started berading you. By asking you to flash a peek of your tits, and show a little pussy. You were highly offended, but Mammon was not happy.

Those guys ended up in the E.R., but they would have died if it weren't for your expertise in calming Mammons temper. After that little incident, Mammon had later that day taken your ass on a one way ticket to pound town. So you can thank those guys, I guess...

Anyways, what if you need to use the bathroom during a show? He pauses the entire thing, because he wants you to watch how good of a planner and mastermind he is at pageants. Will literally wait outside of the bathroom door for you, and checks his watch if your taking "too long".

But anyways, he will also try to get you and Fizzarolli to be friends, since both of you are basically brainwashed by him.

The things you buy. He will not ever let you buy any cheap shit. Its a bad look on his behalf. So every time you two go out, you have to ask him if you can get something. If he deems it as "not doing anything for your look", he will make you put it back. And this goes for everything. Online orders, Voxtok shop (tiktok shop), etc. It always has to be approved by him.

Also, he will never let you buy any sex toys. He thinks his fingers, tongue and dick are more than plenty. If you ask him for any sex toys, he will call you an ungrateful little whore. So its best if you don't ask, unless you want Mammons over the top mumbling and grumbling.

Emotionally manipulating you. He will do this all the time. If he ever does something wrong, he will never admit to it. He will either never glaze over it, or will turn it on you somehow. It will start with his angry grunting, huffing, and puffing. If you ever ask him if he is ok, he will literally whip his head towards you and give you the most deadly glare you will ever see. His Aussie accent will come out very abruptly when he's mad.

Throw the worlds biggest temper tantrums. Sometimes you think hes a baby in an adult mans body. Some of his have gone on for days on end. He will pull every trick in the book. Whining and fake crying are things he has tried to use on you.

If he is really ruffled up, he will start yelling at you for no reason whatsoever. He just yells a bunch of belligerent bullshit, and does not give any reason why. Truly, the best thing to do to calm him down is spread your legs nice and wide, and let him lap at your cunt for hours. If he is 'borderline dangerous' mad, he will refuse to talk to you for a couple days. Even if you try, he wont budge. Deep down, he cares for you. And he knows that if he gives in, he might hurt you.

If he wants something from you, he will flash his infamous puppy dog eyes. (Bottom photo below), But if he is annoyed with you, he will make the deadly glare (Top photo below)

So, just try your best to keep him calm and happy. Even if that is through means you don think are necessary 💚

[theemporium]

hi!! i have a potential blurb request - Oscar having that "oh my god i love her" moment with reader

ily and i hope you're doing well <33

thank you for requesting!🫶🏽

.

It hit him at the most random, mundane moment—which was ironic, considering it completely turned his world around.

He was still fighting the lingering effects of jet lag when you invited him over to hang out. He knew Mark would have wanted him to be responsible, to sleep and not fuck up his sleep schedule any further. He was still getting used to how taxing the life of a Formula One driver was, and he underestimated how heavily travel and jet lag would play into that.

But it had been so long since he had seen you. And maybe it was guilt or maybe it was his own selfish desire, but he found himself throwing on a hoodie and sweatpants, grabbing his keys and heading to your place before the universe somehow stopped him. 

It was no different to the million other days you hung out together. Absolutely nothing different that he had come to expect in the last fifteen or so years you two had been friends. He showed up, knocked four times, waited for you to open the door and settled himself on his side of your coach whilst you did the same.

There was nothing special about the day, or the moment. But it still hit him like a freight train.

“Do you want popcorn? I got the salty flavour from that brand you like, the one that fits into your diet.” 

That was all you said. Twenty-one words that somehow managed to send the boy spiralling as he turned to gape at you, his body melted into the couch to the point he didn’t think he could get up if he tried. 

And there was you, sitting there as you smiled and waited for his response. You didn’t even look different, just lounging around in some shorts and a hoodie with his number on it. Your hair was a mess, you had even made a joke about it when he first came in. And the bags under your eyes told him your sleep schedule was probably as shit as his was right now, probably from staying up to watch the races. 

But, fuck, Oscar thought you looked so pretty. 

You had always looked pretty to him, but this was something else. This was a whole new level. This wasn’t just an appreciation of your looks, this was a full kick to the chest that screamed ‘oh shit, this isn’t platonic’. You just looked so cosy and comfortable and domestic, and Oscar could almost let himself imagine that this was a sight he got to see every day, that he got to wake up to, that he spent forever with. 

Because Oscar Piastri was in love with his best friend and he hadn’t even realised until now, until this very fucking moment. 

“Do you not want popcorn?” You asked, creases forming between your brows as you furrowed them together. He had the strongest urge to smooth the spot with his thumb.

“Uh no, yeah,” he cleared his throat and gave you a sleepy, slightly strained smile. “Popcorn sounds good.”

Your face brightened. “Good, I was gonna make it anyways.”

He watched as you stood from the couch, making your way towards your kitchen. He watched you walk away as his heart pounded in his chest, as he pressed the heel of his palm against his ribs like that would calm him down. He watched as you rambled on, oblivious to the existential crisis your best friend was experiencing. 

There was a voice in the back of his head telling him he should say something, that he should tell you how he feels. You two don’t lie to each other, or hold back on anything. He knew he should have told you. But that selfish desire returned and Oscar had the strongest urge to keep his mouth shut for one more night, to enjoy the rush of feelings overwhelming him until he had to tell you.

He couldn’t imagine a life without you, so he let himself have tonight just on the off chance his feelings were the start of the end of your friendship, just in case he lost you forever.

.

[justatalkingface]

If society is the reason for the personality of Bakugo, why aren't there more Bakugos in society?

If "strong" quirks turn people into violent a**holes, why aren't Nejire, Tokoyami, Kaminari, and that loud wind quirk guy relatively well-adjusted to social interaction.

The answer is simple: because it isn't society's fault.

Like, don't get me wrong, it didn't help, that's for sure, but Bakugou's problem isn't society, it's that he's a jerk. Bakugou is unironically high on his own brand.

Part of that is how other people treated him, true (though it was happening even before he had a Quirk, so it's not society in the way it's usually used for Bakugou, where it's about his Quirk), because he was cool and competent as a kid, which made the kids praise him, which fed his ego, which made him want to do it more, in a vicious cycle... but even with that, there's still something unique to him that is at fault here: he's told, as a kid, that he has a good Quirk, and he can be a hero with it. This is basic, bog standard encouragement; it's a good Quirk, but he's, what, ten? That woman is probably telling every single kid that their Quirk is great. But Bakugou, though, he hears this, and his mind instantly snaps to a conclusion: he realizes that he's The Best, TM. That he's special, that he's better than everyone else. And that? That's not 'society', that's not the fault of people around him, that's Bakugou's fault, Bakugou's problem.

I'll be honest here, kids are stupid; Bakugou isn't the first kid to have a delusion of grandeur and he's not going to be the last. What makes it different with him, though, is that it's more than just a passing phase. That philosophy, his fundamental superiority, is a train of thought that remains with him for the rest of his life, and not only that, it is a cancerous logic that festers in his mind like a disease.

You know how Bakugou calls everyone else 'Extras'? That's the logical conclusion of his superiority complex, of the idea of that he alone is special, superior, the honored one: because if he's special, what is everyone else? Less then him. An extra in his story. Or, as Shigaraki would put it?

An NPC.

That's concerning. More than that, that is deeply alarming. Unironically, I think that counts as a mental disorder of some form (probably narcissism?), and it also inherently dehumanizes other people... which explains why he's so casual about hurting everyone around them.

And to be blunt? That's a very, very bad thing. Dehumanizing other people is how people are taught that it's OK to hurt others, or even kill them; fundamentally, Bakugou is radicalizing himself against everyone who isn't Bakugou.

If they are less than him, if they are not 'real people', if they are just extras... then it doesn't matter if he hurts them, insults them, because... why would it? It's not like they're actually people, it's not like they're important. They're just extras in The Great Story Of Bakugou. They're just NPCs in the Hero Game he's playing, and nothing else.

People do horrible, horrible things to NPCs in video games that they would never in a million years do to people in real life. They do it because NPCs don't matter, not like real human beings do. Think, for a minute, how you treat the random characters in Fallout or whatever, the nameless mooks you that will always more of, because they will always respawn after whatever you do to them. Think about what would happen if you did that to a real person.

You can even see it in how he acts in the various flashbacks back when he was a child: when he was young, Bakugou was brash, a bit aggressive, but largely an OK kid. But as time passed, his aggression grew, and his respect for others shrunk. He went from insulting people (at times probably accidentally), to actively bullying them. He became more and more comfortable not just verbally abusing others, but then physically hurting them. By the time canon starts, Bakugou seemed to treat, and consider, other human beings as barely more than trash, and Izuku's existence in particular as something like a cosmic mistake he was 'graciously' tolerating.

And then we find out that he was willing, in fact, to kill people. It's very likely that, if driven to a corner, that people may be willing to kill to survive, but that isn't what happened to Bakugou: he was in school. He was unironically playing cops and robbers.

And yet, Izuku's basic unwillingness to just... give up, to just sit back and let someone maim him as much as he wanted is what 'cornered' Bakugou to the point he resorted to overwhelmingly lethal force. He doesn't feel an ounce of guilt about it afterwords, either, and he only stops because he's threatened... with being kicked out of the exercise. He's not even serious about, he's willing to kill someone but he values winning more than his murder attempt, winning at something that's essentially worthless, even. It's an impulse, one that he doesn't ever question or think about again after the fact.

To be fair, his... radicalization, or just plain assholishness, got noticeably cut back after that point (to the point where it seems more like retcon than character development), but if it wasn't for that? Clearly, no one was willing to call him on things before, so if he didn't get serious consequences, and he had killed Izuku? He probably would have grown more and more comfortable with killing, the same way he did with everything else he's done.

But it's more than just that. His parents are... well, they're good people, but... they don't seem to be the best at making their son not be an asshat; both of them were pretty OK with their son calling his mother a 'hag', and not even in a sarcastic, well meaning way, but as an actual insult.

His mom is cut from the same cloth as her son (normally, it'd be the other way around, but Bakugou's character probably came first), if more restrained. Unfortunately, that means she's probably a source of a lot of his more aggressive behaviors in the first place, and not just in a genetic way: he watched what she did, and then learned to do it from her. She tries to get him to stop the worst of it but she doesn't seem to making a serious effort? It's not a serious punishment, or a heart to heart talk about his behavior, it's... basiclly the fan gag, which doesn't really teach anyone anything?

His dad, meanwhile is more passive, grounded, but at the same time: he married Bakugou's mother. He's clearly OK with behavior in that vein. It's good he's not contributing to the problem, but he's not solving it, either.

At the end of the day, while there are contributing factors, not of them are enough to explain, much less justify, Bakugou's actions or personality. Society didn't make him like this. No one taught him that it was OK.

The only one with responsibility was Bakugou himself.

[un1ver53]

Stream with me? - DUKE DENNIS ONESHOT

Fluff 💗

1400+ words

I don’t think the title really goes with the story but whatevs 😭😭

This is my first ever one shot so pls be nice 😞💗, I would love feedback tho!!

•••••••

Scrolling through the never-ending posts on TikTok, your attention span decreases every second, and your mind starts to wander off, wondering what your boyfriend of three years was doing. As if the universe was listening, a notification pops up at the top of your phone, notifying you that Duke on Twitch started to stream. A smile displays on your face and you start to watch his stream.

"Wassup my n***as, how are yall?" (I've never watched any of his streams before, so sorry if it's completely wrong 🥲) Duke says smiling at all the viewers flooding in commenting greetings back to him.

• • •

You continue to watch him for a while watching him laugh along with the viewers and his friends, reacting to random songs and videos. He then reads a comment that one of his fans wrote;

“ ‘Is Y/N joining the stream?’ Y/N ain’t at the crib right now n***gas, she was doing some photoshoots, and bruh they take long as hell, so she probably crashed at her place and is taking a long fat ass nap,” Duke replies smiling mentioning you, showing his 15k grills off.

His fans knew about you ever since Kai accidentally revealed to his stream that you and Duke were dating a few months in the relationship.

Flashback

Duke was in Kai’s room streaming with Kai on his friend's Twitch. They were playing games that their fans had suggested but Duke began to get distracted by his phone pinging with messages from you, asking when he was going to be done so he could go upstairs and cuddle. The fans noticed the taller one was distracted and heard his phone, so they did what fans do best and began to troll and joke around asking him to tell his girl they said hi etc.

Kai was oblivious that the chat was joking and that they didn’t know whether his best friend had a girl or not and asked “Wait they know? When did you tell them you were dating Y/N?”

Duke was shocked that his 5’7 friend just outed him like that and he pushed him lightly shouting “N***A THEY DIDN’T KNOW!”

You, Y/N Y/L/N the highest-paid model, who is known for her struts on the Victoria's Secret Runways. You work with lots of big and bougie brands, such as Gucci, Hermes etc.

You’ve been friends with Kai for a long time now, and he even introduced you to Duke which kindled the relationship you now have with the 6’6 giant, and you could never stop being grateful.

They both began to laugh uncontrollably knowing that Kai was going to get a scolding from you after the stream ended. After a few minutes, they calmed down and remained composure, Duke began to answer a few of the million questions he was being asked.

“ ‘How long have you guys been fuckin?’ Nahhh you n***gas are weird bruh,” he replied laughing.

“ ‘Is it THE Y/N??’ Uhmmm bro I don’t know,” he says laughing but then Kai confirms it, “YES IT THEEE Y/N, he’s the rizzler god but bruh how did n***ga pull THE Y/N!”

Duke laughs loudly and pushes Kai off his chair but also somewhat agrees. He didn’t know how he pulled you, but he is making sure that he keeps you forever as his.

After the stream, Duke makes his way up to his bedroom to find you and Kai is following him. Duke finds you and lets Kai in the room so he can apologise.

“Y/N I’m sorry I accidentally outed you and Duke on the stream today,” Kai says looking down and apologising.

“Don’t worry Kai I was watching the stream when you did it, but you made up for yourself because of the comment you made about how you didn’t know how Duke pulled me,” You say giggling and getting up to hug him before walking up to Duke.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and you both leaned in, connecting your lips. Duke tried to deepen the kiss, but you remembered that Kai was in the room so you separated from him and gave him a peck on the cheek.

“So what should we do baby?” You asked Duke looking up at him.

He smiled at the cute face he was in love with, “We don’t need to do anything but since it’s out then we should probably formally announce that we are dating on our Instagrams, and maybe you can hop on a stream with me?”

I agree and we both do it with Kai’s input, as he outed us so he might as well help us with the rest. After the announcement, fans began to flood the comment sections with both love and hate but you didn’t care, you only needed Duke and he only needed you. After the Instagram posts, you went on a stream with Duke answering fans' questions and they began to love you even more, where sometimes they would just ask for you to come on the stream as he opened the live-up.

Flashback ended

Duke messages you asking if you are up and want to go and stay the night at his. You quickly replied and accepted the offer. You look over at his stream and you can see him smiling to himself from your message which makes you giggle to yourself knowing that he still smiles and gets happy that you stay over at his.

Once you get to the infamous AMP mansion, you unlock the door with the key that Duke gave you, since he and even the rest of the AMP trusts you to have and keep. You go upstairs to his bedroom and knock then open the door to him streaming to millions of his fans. He quickly notices that it’s you and gets up not caring about the stream and hugs you, grabbing your ass as his lips connect to yours making you groan. He begins to deepen the kiss forgetting that his fans all over the world could see his back towards them but know that you both are possibly exchanging saliva. A loud AI voice speaks out from a fan donating 5 dollars and comments speaking out “Damn Duke I didn’t know you did it like dat”

That comment makes you disconnect your lips quickly and laugh. Duke takes your bag and puts it on the bed before he sits on his gaming chair and then lets you sit on his lap. He wraps his hands around your waist holding you tight making sure you are comfortable.

“You wanna stream with me?” He whispers in your ear but you’re sure his fans could still hear his deep voice.

Blushing, your mind wandered off to how he whispered different things in your ear last weekend.

You begin to read off comments and then see his viewer count drastically increase from 1.3 million to 5 million. You gasp showing Duke and he chuckles lowly “Damn mamas I should have you on my stream more since n***gas only come to see you.”

You blush and read off a comment that says ‘When is Y/N going to make her own Twitch?’

“I don’t think I’ll ever start streaming on my own, but I will continue to bombard Duke’s streams now and then,” I reply smiling up at the camera and Duke.

“Mamas I mean if you start a Twitch, it’ll probably go viral overnight I mean look at all the n***gas that came just because you popped in,” Duke says slowly rubbing your thigh as he gives you eye contact. You smile and wrap your arm around the back of his neck so you’re side-hugging him.

You read another comment which says ‘So when is the proposal happening?’

You chuckle and then look at your man, “Yeah baby! When are you putting a rock on my hand?”

He smiled brightly, his grills shining in the light, “Oh mamas just you wait and see,”

You immediately start giggling and blushing, hiding your face in the crook of his tatted neck. He chuckles finding you the cutest and he smiles to himself knowing that his future wife is sitting on his lap right now.

After an hour of streaming together, Duke ends the stream and lifts you taking you to his bed. He lays down next to you, admiring your face which millions all over the world wish they had. He smiles and brings you closer to him, putting his hand on the back of your neck, and passionately kissing your lips deeply. You then disconnect to gather some air and lay on top of him. He starts to play with your soft hair, “Mamas I’m definitely marrying you and giving you all my kids,”

“I would love that,” You smile blushing.

•••

[vettelsdarling]

can you do an Instagram au with Charles x female tech CEO? (Like they're trying to keep it private.)

Thank you xx

𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐜𝐲

Lissie note... This was a great idea, I loved the CEO aspect, but couldn’t quite find the right pictures and timeline things couldn’t match up for something as grand as a tech CEO, but I really enjoyed writing this prompt and scouring Pinterest for fitting photos to use. Hope you enjoy anyway!!❤️

Few things to note:

Reader is from a rich and esteemed family, but she’s self made

Reader lives in Monaco

Reader is the CEO of a world renowned luxury brand based in Monaco

Charles and reader have been dating for a few years (Since reader’s college years and Charles’ early f1 years)

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x CEO!Fem!Reader

Warnings: Slight cursing(?)

Playlist recommendation: 𝐂𝐋𝟏𝟔, 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟💗

Taglist: @allwaysalleyway

yourusername

Liked by blakelively, carmenmmundt, francisca.cgomes and 1,378,831 others

Tagged: voguemagazine

yourusername Thank you, @ voguemagazine. I had a lot of fun with this shoot and the interview— happy to do it again next year❤️

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user1 I literally GASP every time I see those interviews with her. How is anyone THAT gorgeous????

user2 I love her sm and she cares for women and the sick😭😭😭

user3 She’s so amazing, honestly

user4 Honestly the price of her brand is reasonable when you know a lot of the proceeds go to helping people in need❤️

user5 Hi gorgeous, tysm for the work you do❤️

user6 Did anyone notice Kika and Carmen👀 (f1 fans pls interact)

user7 I NOTICED IT TOO

user8 I’m an f1 fan but I genuinely don’t think this is anything big..? Probably just a coincidence that they both follow her. She’s literally got millions of followers so…

user9 @ user8 but didn’t you see how Giada and Isa also follow her?

user8 @ user9 Like I said, coincidence. I mean they’re all pretty big into fashion, no?

charles_leclerc

Liked by pierregasly, maxverstappen1, carlossainz55, and 937,284 others

charles_leclerc Blazer goes perfectly with my jewelry.

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user1 AHHH BLESSED MY FEED❤️❤️❤️

user2 I LOVE that blazer on him ughhh🙏

user3 Anyone know the brand?

user4 It looks a lot like @ yourbrandname and their newest collection

user3 How did I not notice thisssss

user5 Love that he’s supporting yourbrandname❤️❤️❤️

user6 He’s literally so dreamy wtaffff

user7 Right???😩

yourusername and francisca.cgomes

Liked by francisca.cgomes, pierregasly, lilymhe and 1,682,104 others

yourusername So gorgeous in the 4th picture, we should do this more often. Make it a tradition whenever you stop by Monaco🤍

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francisca.cgomes You flatter me too much, 2nd picture is obviously the best🫶

yourusername Debatable…

lilymhe I’m joining next time

yourusername Yes.

user1 Okay, I refuse to believe she doesn’t have anything to do with F1

user2 Ngl I’m speculating😭

user3 New wag alert???

user4 AHHH I SEE THAT FERRARI…

user5 Ferrari + Kika, a wag = she’s a wag???

user6 You guys are so quick to jump to conclusions lmao

user7 @ user6 It’s not “jumping to conclusions”. It’s literally so obvious…

user6 @ user7 But it isn’t though… a lot of rich people own a Ferrari. She also just happens to be friends with Kika. Doesn’t mean she’s automatically a wag…

user8 Another post where she’s SERVING

user9 She’s so ldr coded❤️

user10 I absolutely agree with both of those statements you guys

user11 Since WHEN was she hanging out with wags???

user12 Since you learned to mind your own business..?

f1gossipcentral

26,732 likes

f1gossipcentral Lord Perceval said it! He’s in a relationship! Wonder who it is👀

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user1 I mean, if he hasn’t revealed the wag, he obviously doesn’t want to share who it is…

user2 and all the 13 yr olds are pressed because he wants to keep his privacy💀

user1 Literally

user3 I mean, I heard a lot of people think that it’s @ yourusername

user4 Just because he wore a blazer from her line..? Doesn’t make sense…

user3 No, she’s been hanging out with Kika and owns a Ferrari too. Also- lot of wags and drivers follow her.

user4 Wow, okay. Didn’t know this..

realtalkcelebs

56,287 likes

realtalkcelebs SPOTTED: Y/n L/n leaving the interview where she reported that “she’s currently in a relationship”. She’s yet to reveal who it is!

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user1 NOOOO I HAD MY WEDDING DRESS PICKED OUT

user2 I’ve never read anything as soul crushing as this.

user3 Okay but WHO STOLE HER

user4 Whoever won her over better count their days.

user5 I’m here to assist😭

user6 Ig I’ll be having my salty tears for dinner tn

user7 me too.

user8 Who in their right mind would steal a national treasure like this?

user9 I think there’s been some talk in the F1 community…

user10 The timing of things is really suspicious ngl.

user11 I suspected she may be a wag, but Charles was unexpected

user12 Ever thought that it might not be him?

charles_leclerc

Liked by pierregasly, carlossainz55, yourusername and 873,283 others

charles_leclerc It’s time for Monaco. My beloved home❤️🤍

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user1 Hope this year is THE year

user2 Fingers crossed😭

user3 Oh no, not the Monaco curse pls😭

user4 I have a feeling he’ll do well🙏

user5 Don’t jinx it omg

user6 I love how we’re all collectively worried about this specific gp

user7 Is nobody noticing a certain CEO in the likes?

user8 Atp I don’t really care too much because it’s their life and they chose to be private about it. They may not even have anything to do with each other.

user9 I agree, everything so far is all superficial in terms of proof…

user10 Yeah, leave these people alone and stop shipping random celebrities together. It’s weird.

user11 Ughhh going to the Monaco gp is not a want. IT IS A NEED.

user12 Relatable

yourusername

Liked by francisca.cgomes, lilymhe, bellahadid and 1,362,102 others

Tagged: francisca.cgomes

yourusername Couldn’t miss the Monaco GP, when I live here?! Fourth picture is a Kika appreciation moment❤️

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francisca.cgomes Best photographer I’ve ever met❤️

yourusername Okay but you made my back look so great in the first picture

francisca.cgomes No, that’s all you

lilymhe Finally seeing you in the paddock

yourusername I know, it took a whileee

user1 Yep, I’m convinced she’s a wag.

user2 I reckon she might just be one of those celebs who attend the most famous races. We didn’t see her in the paddock before?

user3 I would honestly agree if she hadn’t posted abt something Ferrari related so much lately.

user4 Guys let’s let her live her life whoever she feels😭😭😭

user5 She’s honestly so amazing. I love her😭 She’s wearing her own line too😭❤️ Bless her.

user6 Why wouldn’t she wear her own line lmao💀

user7 I love her friendship with Kika🙏

user8 She’s a multitasker. CEO of one of the most well known luxury brands, best friends with several wags, maybe even a wag herself— AND HAIR CARE??? Drop the secret pls🙏🙏

user9 She’s a literal goddess

realtalkcelebs

163,373 likes

realtalkcelebs SPOTTED: Heartthrob Ferrari driver, Charles Leclerc, kissing the young and flavorful CEO of yourbrandname, Y/n L/n. How long has this been going on for? You tell us.

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user1 Um what😃

user2 I KNEW IT

user3 Since when😭😭😭

user4 WHAT IS GOING ONNN?!??

user5 Idk but I want to cry💀

user6 In retrospect, I can see the proof now, but wow they were actually pretty great at hiding it wtf

user7 Right? I did not expect this…

user8 Yeah, and then you just see these entitled gossip accounts profiting off of them… I feel bad for them :/

user7 I do too. I don’t think it’s fair for them to be revealed like this… they should’ve gotten their own chance to explain things

user9 Okay but he’s so lucky😭

user10 Literally. He’s dating the most relevant woman on this planet rn

user11 Googling how to become a Ferrari F1 driver rn

charles_leclerc and yourusername

Liked by francisca.cgomes, yourusername, maxverstappen1 and 537,733 others

charles_leclerc .

Comments have been limited

francisca.cgomes Love you guys, stay strong❤️

pierregasly This was not deserved. Hope you guys are okay

maxverstappen1 The paparazzi is always so shitty like this.

lewishamilton This was unexpected, but shouldn’t have come from anyone but you guys. Real shame they did this to you.

lilymhe This is just not okay!!

carmenmmundt Shame on the paparazzi.

yourusername

Liked by francisca.cgomes, charles_leclerc, carmenmmundt and 937,295,173 others

yourusername Some pictures from our trip to Paris❤️ Taken by us.

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charles_leclerc❤️

Liked by yourusername

user1 I love their relationship, actually

user2 Honestly, as much as I’m IN LOVE with her, I’m so happy for them

user3 My parasocial relationship is crumbling, but this is so cute😭

user4 I am living for the caption😭😭😭

user5 It’s literally like a big “fuck you” to the paparazzi lmao

user4 Exactly💀

user6 SHE’S WEARING ALL OF THE NEW YOURNAMEBRAND CONCEPT DESIGN DRESSES😩❤️

user7 He’s wearing the new concept design pants😭

user8 He gets early access to all the good stuff😭💀

user9 I still can’t believe they managed to hide it for so long

user10 For real. I’m still processing it..

charles_leclerc

Liked by yourusername, francisca.cgomes, pierregasly and 647,383 others

charles_leclerc Sleeping beauty❤️ Happy anniversary❤️

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yourusername I did not know this photo existed, but I love you, so I’ll let it slide❤️

Liked by charles_leclerc

francisca.cgomes Gorgeous even when you’re asleep?! @ yourusername

yourusername You flatter me too much🫶

user1 They are really made for each other

user2 The picture😭😭😭 He rly loves her

user3 If this isn’t my relationship in the future, I don’t want it

user4 WHY AM I SO JEALOUSSS

user5 Don’t worry, you’re not the only one😭

user6 I get it, I’m extremely single.

user7 Pain😭

user8 Honestly such a lovely couple🤍

user9 I love this dynamic so much. It’s just so sweet🙏

user10 They’re both so luckyyyy

*I’m just experimenting with some layout changes. Feel free to give me input on what you think!

𝗥𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻...

𝘾𝙝𝙚𝙘𝙠 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙜𝙪𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚!

𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩! (𝙄𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙤𝙣, 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨, 𝙙𝙢𝙨, 𝙤𝙧 𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙨: 𝙒𝙝𝙞𝙘𝙝 𝙙𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧(𝙨) 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙘𝙝 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚(𝙨) 𝙤𝙛 𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙜𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣.)

[bloodchapell]

second hangout - armin a.

brief summary: what if the “there is only one bed” moment happened at the library? you arrange a second hangout for you and armin to actually read nightfall. you go to eat after.

what to expect: alt and very nerdy reader, equally nerdy armin, mutual pinning, light physical touch

your sword’s note: armin is so cute u canttt. all past and future parts of this au series available in my mistresslist

That ring was on Armin’s finger every second of the day.

<Hey do you happen to know what material the ring is made of? I don’t want it to get damaged.> armin 👼🏼 01:03 am

<its silver! u can wash your hands with it on> you 01:03 am

<also are u free to go read tmr? lmk 🩵> you 01:04 am

<Yes!> armin 👼🏼 01:04 am

The blonde paced around his room. He could hear Eren curse at the TV in the living room, probably playing some games.

“Eren, what does light blue heart emoji mean?” Kind of socially ineptly Armin asked with his arms crossed.

“It means light blue heart emoji.” Eren replied. “Did you finally fry your brain? Am I the alpha brother now?”

“You are weird.” Armin frowned at his friend and sat besides him, unlocking his phone and showing the text in his screen.

“That just means she is excited to see you again you dumb fuck… I am sorry alpha brother I didn’t mean to be offensive in any way shape or form.” Eren blurted out. “All you need to do now is ask her out, start dating, marry and eventually have kids.”

“That is a little precipitated… and I am not asking her out, she will reject me.”

“Why would she reject you, she said you were the existential to her absurd or something, she gave you a ring literally, she also used light blue heart emoji which means I love your baby blue eyes beautiful.” Eren reassured his friend but Armin did not believe him at all. You would “never like him, in a million years”.

Eren simply gave a look to Armin, from what he had told him, it was kind of evident that you had a thing for Armin, but he was completely convinced that someone like you –whatever that meant– would never like someone like him –again, whatever that meant–. He just regarded you as a superior being, for some reason you two were in different categories even though he knew that intellectually you were kind of equals.

Next day came quickly, he got ready and was waiting for the time to leave when it suddenly started raining. Still he took an umbrella and a jacket and walked to the library. “Hiiii Armin!” You waved at the entrance, luckily you were close by when it started raining so you took cover under the entrance. “Hii.” He said with a soft smile, a little more comfortable but not completely. “I brought the book.” He showed from under his sweater and a smile formed in your lips.

Walking into the library you both realized that everyone was taking cover from the rain there, and that there were little to no seats available.

Except from…

“There!” You pointed throwing the book at the sofa from Armin’s hands to prevent other person from seating there. “Do you mind seating together? I think we fit.”

His cheeks got pale pink blushed. He looked at the gap in the sofa doubting he would fit, at least not without being extremely close to you.

“Uhmm…” He stood there for a second and ultimately decided to sit to not make you wait.

“I like your fit!” You complimented and he nodded.

“I like yours too. Where do you buy that?” He tried asking the questions that Eren had set up for him.

“Well the jacket is from Sex Pot Revenge, the shirt from Mad Punks and the pants I made myself.” You pointed at the clothes. He had never heard of those brands and being honest to himself, the word sex still made him kinda uncomfortable when thrown around casually.

“Is that goth?” He asked very kindly, following the words of Eren to the dot, “My best friend is a goth and she dresses kind of similar.”

“Hmm I know what you mean,” You started explaining, “I am goth but I suppose this is not a goth-ish look, right now it’s more of a vkei outfit. Do you mind if I explain it next time?”

Next time. I smile formed in his lips, so subtle and gentle, it adorned his face in such a beautiful way that it genuinely made your heart skip a beat.

He shook his head, of course he wouldn’t mind, he would fucking love it.

“Let’s get to the reading then.” You said taking the book from your lap. You flipped through the pages and saw his small handwriting covering the margins of the book in a thoughtful and organized manner. Where Nightfall was printed in big bold letters you stopped.

There was some kind of lack of coordination for the first pages you two read, sometimes he would flip the page before you were done or viceversa, but eventually you both adapted somehow to the reading speed of each other, since there was little to no difference anyway, and would give a look at the other one when done with the page.

That of course would not always account for calculations errors and your hands would brush with the other’s more often than what you’d like to admit. And his cologne would reverberate through the air and make you dizzy in love so you would forget what paragraph you were reading.

“Ow I am so hungry…” Suddenly you felt convalescent, you had breakfast at 9am and it was now 4pm.

“Do you wanna stop and go eat?” He asked lifting his eyes from the paper.

“Hmm, sure, let’s go then, the rain cleared out already.” You stood up and grabbed your things.

Armin had meant that you could go and eat, on your own, but seeing that you immediately included him left another of those lingering smiles in his face. He quickly stood up and walked besides you.

“So what do you think of it?” You asked him referring to the book.

“Immediately reminded me of when I learned that our galaxy and the Andromeda galaxy will crash eventually and I started freaking out.” He recalled a little embarrassed.

“That’s a shared experience for sure, cosmic horror is scary in such a way! My modern version of that is thinking about strange matter devouring everything.”

He was screaming in his head, punching the wall even. Where had you been all his life. His heart was genuinely aching from how fast it was beating. Maybe his heart was beating so fast that it could also be catalogued as a neutron star and his revolting feelings for you were everlasting changing and growing like strange matter.

“So stable that whatever it comes across transforms to emulate that stability.” He mumbled and you nodded, praising his intellect.

“Wanna take the bus into town? I can’t drive.” You asked and he nodded, also commenting that he couldn’t drive either. The bus ride was filled with back and forth debates about Nightfall and other trivial things that came up. Once you both got to the little college town, you decided on a restaurant. Armin only drank some juice and watched you eat lunch.

“I love taking the bus when is empty.” You mentioned getting on the bus, Armin was quick to say agree; he ached for spending more time with you.

“Bye, I had fun.” Once back at campus, and about to part ways, Armin said goodbye.

“Bye ‘Min. See you next time.” You gave him a quick hug and left.

He stood there for some minutes before rushing to get back to his dorm, Eren needed to know it all.

[clearlydiamondz]

Nesting

(Y/N) is at the point in her pregnancy where she is now nesting. Erik is confused, but he's going with the flow.

_________________________

Erik sat at his desk, playing with some of his friends streaming the new Call of Duty game. Being a successful streamer with millions of fans, he now had a life where he could live comfortably and still do what he loved, which was playing games.

Being a gamer is actually how he met the love of his life, (Y/N). Meeting on a discord back in high school, the two of them hit it off. There was only one thing that prevented them from being physically together. He lived in Oakland, and she lived in Miami. Her parents thought she was silly to find love over the internet, calling it a weird phase while his friends thought she was made up.

That was until she surprised him at his high school graduation. Saving for months, working as a moderator and at Chick-fil-A, she was able to save enough money to meet him. With the supervision of her parents of course.

Now here they are, 10 years later married and expecting twins. Two boys and she was over the moon about it. If they were over the moon, Erik was over the planet Jupiter. All of the outfits, baby supplies, and decorations were bought on Erik's behalf. Every time he walked into a store, he always walked out with something for the babies.

She could show him something that she thought was cute for their nursery and within days, it was ordered.

He was always clingy with her, and she loved it. Ever since she was pregnant, it was like he was at her side every second of the day. They were lucky enough to be streamers so they could have that time together, but boy he was obsessed.

His camera roll was filled with pictures of her, showing the journey from when she first found out she was pregnant to the development of the baby bump.

"Damn, why are you so bad, move!" he yelled into the headset.

"Nigga fuck you!" Quan yelled back into the mike making everyone bust out laughing.

"Awe you mad." Chelsea teased him. Eventually, they ended up winning, as they sat on the loading screen talking shit with each other.

That's when Erik heard a bang in the room next door, which just so happened to be the twins' nursery.

"Hold on y'all." he stepped away from his gaming set, walking in to see the baby clothes everywhere and his wife in the middle of the room folding them and placing them in the drawers.

"Mama, what are you doing?" he asked her. She turned to look at him with a pout.

"Baby there is so much to do and we only have a week left until they are due and I can't even-" she was crying at this point, Erik realizing that it was probably her hormones.

"Shh, it's okay. You know I'll help you with anything you need. The doctor wants you to not be on your feet as much." Erik was a little confused by the sudden rush to want to do stuff. Just last night she was in the middle of the kitchen reorganizing the kitchen drawers and the cupboards making room for the twins' bottles. She literally took everything apart.

Or how she decided to wash every piece of clothing and blanket for the babies, even though everything was brand new.

What he said made her cry even harder. "I appreciate you so much baby, y-you are just so good to us and-" she cut herself up hiccuping.

"Here about you go sit in the living room, play a movie and I'll order you some of the spicy ramen you like from the restaurant downtown," he told her helping her stand up.

"Ooh yes. You know the spicy foods can induce labor," she said matter-of-factly. He chuckled at the random fact before saying,

"Once I'm done for the stream tonight, I'll organize their room for you. I don't want you putting any unnecessary stress on yourself." he told her, she pouted before saying,

"You'd really do that?" she whispered as her eyes started to water again.

"Yes, now go relax. I'ma place the order now okay?" he kissed her on the forehead, then on the lips, then on her stomach. He watched his wife walk, well more like waddle, out of the room to make herself comfortable downstairs in the living room. He came back to the station, not before ordering him and his wife some ramen.

"Alright y'all, I'm back. (Y/N) needed help with something." he said getting his player ready for the next round.

"How yo ole woman doin? She should be about ready to pop any moment now right?" Damien, one of his other close friends said.

"Yeah, next week will be the due date," Erik said with a smile. The chat was filled with congratulations from his supporters.

"Awe. Look at you all gushy and shit. Can't believe Stevens gonna be a daddy." Quan teased him as he rolled his eyes laughing. He was about to say something but he heard his wife scream out for him.

"E!" she yelled.

"Hold that thought y'all." he got up and ran downstairs to see his wife downstairs with four big boxes.

"Can you move two to the living room and the other two upstairs for me baby? I'ma get their swings set up. " she said sitting there with a smile on her face.

"What are these?" he asked looking at the boxes.

"The swings," she said still smiling.

"So you bought four of them?" he asked her as she sighed.

"No, two of them we got free with the sponsorship. The other two I did buy so we can have a setup and downstairs. Because apparently, the only bad review is that they are really heavy." she said matter-of-factly. "I'm kinda hungry can we order something?" she said rubbing her stomach.

Pregnancy brain.

"Mama, I told you I was ordering some of the ramen." she looked at him confused before realizing.

"Ugh, I forgot. I'm so slow," she said, face palming herself. "I keep forgetting stuff," she said, her eyes watering.

"No no no, it's okay baby. I know you don't mean to, I'll remember everything for you. Even if it's your social security number." he joked making her laugh.

"Please, I remember my social security number. 832-21-" she paused forgetting the last four. "Oh my god, I can't even remember my last four digits." she panicked. Erik cussed himself knowing he just made it worse. "I can't even remember my social security number. How am I expected to take care of two babies!"

"It's 9382. Don't worry my love. You will be okay, I promise." he grabbed her by the face, kissing her lips as she sighed. "I want you to relax, I'll take care of everything. I promise." he whispered. She nodded before waddling into the living room. After taking two of the boxes upstairs, he came back.

"Sorry, (Y/N) needed me again." he sighed. "For a pregnant lady, this girl is a freaking busybody. She is supposed to be on bed rest." he stated.

"Where is she going?" Chelsea asked.

"It's not where she's going. It's what she's doing. She can't sit down for the sake of her. I woke up last night to her re-organizing the twin's closet. For the third time. It was like two in the morning." he stated.

"That's wild." Damien chuckled.

"Huh," Chelsea said, coming to the realization of something. "What else?"

"She reorganized the cabinets in the kitchen, washed all of the baby stuff even though it's new, and been on a cleaning frenzy for like three days straight," he said.

"You sure she ain't got OCD?" Quan chuckled.

"She doesn't. Actually she's pretty messy but for the last week, it's like she needs everything to be cleaned." Erik replied.

"Erik, it sounds like she's nesting." Chelsea chuckled.

"The hell is that? She ain't no pigeon." Quan replied, making Erik chuckle.

"No you fucking dumbass." Chelsea rolled her eyes. "It's a natural instinct for mothers to want to get their home ready for the baby. It happens with humans and animals. That's why it is called nesting."

"I ain't gonna lie, that's kinda adorable," Damien stated.

Erik's interest peaked, he minimized the game window and opened Google to look at it. "Alright chat, let's learn some new shit," he said clicking the first link.

"So it says that they have an overwhelming desire to organize, clean, and prep for the baby's arrival. That makes a lot of sense." he chuckled.

"Yeah, it's a natural instinct. It's like an itch, she won't be able to stop until the twins are here." Chelsea told him. "It makes sense because she's due next week. When my sister was nesting, my mama told me that it was a sign that babies were about to come. So she might be going into labor within a couple of days. Just gotta roll with it man" Chelsea chuckled.

After the stream was done, he found himself downstairs, seeing her prepping the swings before looking at him.

"Oh, I was just getting the stuff prepared for you. I know-"

"It's okay. I know you can't help but get your hands dirty." he chuckled kissing her on the cheek. She looked at him confused.

"What's with the change of heart?" she asked in confusion.

"You're nesting." he expected her to know what it was, but the look still stayed on her face.

"I'm not a freaking bald eagle, the hell is nesting?" she asked as he chuckled.

"You have this urge to clean up, organize, do a bunch of stuff hands-on. It's called nesting. A sign that Thing 1 and Thing 2 are coming." he said rubbing her stomach. She thought about it.

"Makes sense. I have had this urge to reorganize the pantry also.."

________________

@life-in-the-slut-house @gloglamsparks @niahsa @hippieonboard @nanii2x @ejs398 @royaler1999 @luvvvjada @sourbabynaee @tthatkidmimi @kanilive @christinabae @nccu-rnc @youcanttouchthis1001 @jordyn-wkndafvr @ts1mp0ne @meeeeep5 @ravynnn-12 @metra873 @determinednot2fall @trippyscotch @thiswasnevermylifefromtony @itsophiebby @princessmel-1995 @blkmystery @xsweetdellzx @ziirowe @cozyashhh @luvvvjada @reneinii @ts1mp0ne @kaireads2020 @blmcd57110 @ziayamikaelson @babbtdollaaassignn @forevermoremagcon @ajenae @etherealluvrr @lynaye1993 @mscarter213 @automaticdragonmugalien @bethy-baby @softleosworld @meekmillsfrenchfries @hinatasfleshlight @kokokonakon @sociallyawkward18 @raysunshine78 @justgetitoverwith0 @lishabaybeee-blog @rbhp @ladymac @musicisme333

[alwritey-aphrodite]

Scout, I would love for Jaime to try his hand at fixing the A/C (21)

-M

2024 Summer Blurbs

With the prevalence of ancient houses and the desire to look as environmentally conscious as possible, there is a severe lack of air conditioning in London. Most of the year, you’re able to function without an AC, but for the few weeks where the heat is unbearable, an AC seems more and more necessary with every passing summer. The house you and Jamie moved into was new and modern and had been built by someone with millions of dollars to throw away, so you’d been one of the lucky few to have a house with central air conditioning.

Until it broke right as the temperatures began to rise.

As soon as the air conditioning stopped working, Jamie had taken it upon himself to fix it, with only the help of a brand new toolkit and videos he’d found online. He’s been trying, spending every spare minute he has to figure out how to fix the machine, but all he’s succeeded in doing is making himself frustrated and probably breaking the system further.

“I can ask Roy for the number of that guy that did his heating, I’m sure he can work on AC too,” you offer for what feels like the hundredth time, and Jamie stops his poking around to look at you like you’ve grown a second head, as if you’re the crazy one for offering to call a professional.

“Babe, I told ya, I can figure it out,” he says as he wipes the sweat off of his forehead, the breeze coming in through the open windows doing little to keep you cool in the extreme temperatures, “it can’t be that hard.’

You do your best not to laugh, because you know he really is trying his hardest and he really does want to fix it on his own, but it’s been days and he hasn’t made even the slightest bit of progress. If you have to spend another day sweating, with no relief from the heat, you might lose your mind. When Jamie finally gives up for the night and goes to take a shower to finally attempt to cool down, you decide to take matters into your own hands.

The repair is scheduled perfectly, the van pulling into your driveway as soon as you know Jamie’s made it safely to the pitch, and it’s gone before he heads home. By the time he steps inside, the air conditioner is working perfectly, and your house is a cool oasis once again.

“How’d this happen?” Jamie asks as he sets his bag down, marveling at the fact that he’s not dripping sweat again.

“You must’ve figured it out, I was doing the laundry and it just started working again,” you reply, your perfected lie sounding natural and casual, and by the way Jamie smiles, you know he doesn’t suspect a thing.

It’s probably not the healthiest to lie to him, but you just couldn’t stand the thought of seeing him so disappointed and frustrated again. He takes every failure personally, on and off the pitch, even when the reality has little to do with him. You knew he’d internalize his inability to figure out what he views as a simple fix, and you couldn’t live with yourself when you knew he’d be beating himself up.

Despite your slight deception, it really is a win-win situation: Jamie gets to enjoy his newfound mechanical prowess, and you get to enjoy your beloved AC again.

[beauty-and-passion]

The anon who got mad about Thomas’ patrons being called his “investors” is wack when it’s been proven he makes AT LEAST 40k a month SOLELY from Patreon, which is nearly half a million every year simply off of Patreon. Not to mention everything else that makes him money. This man has a net worth of 3 million. Google it!

He is an indie creator, but that doesn’t mean people giving him money through the avenue he requests it aren’t INVESTING into his creations. His patrons probably invest more into him than brand deals! The difference is, brand deals get a video in return quickly. The fans? Nothing they’ve been repeatedly hype baited about for years. Shows you where his priorities are and it’s not on those defending this behavior.

His Patreon is basically a Kickstarter for his projects and so far, he’s gotten full funding with next to no results for four years!

Anyone defending this is wild! It’s awesome to support your favorite creators but it seems like that support is going to fund his own pocket instead of actual work. If he was actually using the money supporters gave him for his team and project, he should never have to lay off his ONLY writer and artist with that kind of support and yet, he did.

I couldn't have said it better, anon. Not only it disproves the "free work" idea, but it also highlights how little Thomas actually does for the people who are paying him more than any other. Gosh, his patreons are not his investors, they're basically his employers! And yet, what they ask for never comes.

Sigh.

And in the most recent post, he repeated the same message of "Let your creation come from joy and not negative pressure" which:

makes no sense, because the "negative pressure" he's experiencing is simply people asking him to do what he promised

makes him look like a whiny child, playing victim for nothing and fishing for attention

makes me question if he even is a creator, because every artist knows that you can't just "let yourself work through joy" to get things done. Making something doesn't require just joy, but also commitment and diligence. And yes, also working when you don't feel like doing it. That's how creation works, he should know that (even if the last developments are making me question it).

[flyingfabio]

Why Fabio chose to stay at Yamaha

Or why the Devil still wears Yamaha. You know it’s getting serious when I bother putting caps on a Tumblr post. I have to admit this is largely self-interested as I try to put some order into my thoughts. Putting this under read more because this is very long (probably too much).

The reasons why:

The factory team. Perhaps the most important, as I think Fabio wouldn’t have settled for anything less. He’s in a state of mind where, at this stage of his career, going back to a satellite team would means defeat. So this already eliminates the best bikes of the grid, as factory Ducati have three Ducati riders lining up to be Bagnaia’s teammate, and as KTM will most likely have Binder and Acosta on their factory bikes next year. You could make a point for a Pramac seat, as it’s “almost” a factory seat, but Pramac has already made it clear they want to have a junior team and grow talents there by signing Aldeguer for two years. Fabio is still young, but he’s an experienced MotoGP rider. And as I said before, I don’t think he would accept being anything else than Pecco’s teammate. So what is left? Honda but the point is to go to a better sorted bike, which the RC213V clearly is not. Already the only option left is Aprilia. 

The Aprilia option. This is assuming Aprilia offered Fabio a factory seat, which might not even have happened. Aleix keeps telling everyone he doesn’t want to retire yet, and Aprilia look like they want to keep Maverick. So what if Aprilia only offered a factory bike in their satellite team? If so, see point one. The thing is, I think Fabio did receive a factory offer from Aprilia, and there are two main factors to consider. First, the inconsistency and unreliability of the Aprilia bike. It’s no secret to anyone, the Aprilia suffers from technical issues every race weekend, and often prevents riders from bagging points on race day. It’s been an ongoing issue for years, and for now, there is no sign of actual improvement on this matter. The Aprilia is also inconsistent depending on the race track, though I think it's a lesser problem as Aprilia have sort of improved there, and the right rider can make up for this weak point. This first factor is strongly correlated to the second, which is money. According to early reports, Aprilia’s offer was 4 millions per year while Yamaha’s was the TRIPLE of that number. Now, if this offer was coming from factory Ducati instead of Aprilia, I think Fabio would have jumped ship, because the Ducati is a proven championship winning bike. But the Aprilia? Why would you turn down that much down money to go to a bike that keeps having critical failures? No matter how good of a rider you have, if your engine goes bop, there is nothing you can do about it. Maybe Aprilia will manage to sort out this problem, but maybe they won’t, and you would have turned down a huge load of money for a few race wins a year. Wins are good, but nothing compared to a championship. Riders’ careers are short and come with very high risks, so making as much money as you can in short periods of time is critical.

Last main reason is the timing. Yamaha is FINALLY making ACTUAL changes in the way they operate after years of riders complaining about the slow or non existent development, Fabio being the most vocal about it. F1 motorist Marmorini is two years in working on the engine, and Yamaha have finally decided to get some key players and hired Ducati’s ex number two Bartolini (for who Fabio had only praises after working with him for a few days) along with former Ducati aerodynamicist Nicotra. They are apparently working closely with an Italian aerodynamics company, have started a partnership with a 3D printing company and are basically strengthening the operations of the brand’s base in Italy. Does all of this come so fucking late? For sure, and Yamaha is paying the price for their complacency. It’s too early for these recent changes to bear their fruits on the track, so could Fabio have left now after finally getting what he asked, without ever seeing what these changes could have led to? He could have, sure. I think he would have if it meant switching for a factory Ducati, but the only option was Aprilia and it’s a less sexy option. See point two.

Bonus reason: sponsors. I think Monster Energy played a part. Monster sponsors many riders in MotoGP, but Fabio is their guy. He is the number 1 in the team for which they are the title sponsor. They wouldn't let him go that easily.

The gloomy part now, the reasons why there is doubt to have about this renewal (I won't elaborate as much because I don’t want to get depressed):

Yamaha is Yamaha… Disappointing fans since 2016 (minus 2021).

The il4 engine problem. With Suzuki gone, the il4 is yet to show how it can be competitive in this heavy aero era of these last few years. Maybe it has reached its peak and bears too many disadvantages compared to the v4. Then Yamaha will have to wait and pray for the 2027 new regulations to be more favorable…

This renewal doesn’t make sense if Fabio doesn’t plan to stick with Yamaha for the new 2027 regulations. He will help develop the new 850cc bike, and if the development doesn’t go completely awry, why would he leave then?

Fabio will not be able to test himself on another bike for another two years. The il4 style suited him, but what if he liked the v4 more? For now, we will never know. 

Bonus part, because I want to end on a good note:

The response of the Japanese fans has been overwhelmingly heart-warming. Look at any comment under a Japanese post, they are SO happy that Fabio is staying, and that not every rider is leaving to go to an European team. Japan is so important for MotoGP, and after Marc leaving Honda, Fabio staying at Yamaha is important to prevent Japan’s MotoGP stronghold from further decaying.

Fabio will be the highest paid rider in MotoGP. He will be able to take care of his family like he intends to. No worries for the bills of his new very big house. 

Fabio looks damn good in blue. 

Bonus hater point (I can’t help myself): 

Ducati can fuck off for wanting to pay its riders with pennies.

If you have made it through all of this, thank you…? Why are you still here...?

[seat-safety-switch]

You can say a lot of bad things about the humble postal system. It’s slow, it’s expensive, and the folks who work hard to make sure you get your bills and junk mail could be a little more chipper about it. Watch your tongue, though, because the postal system does something truly glorious: it provides insanely clapped-out, mega-mileage postal vans at auction.

That’s right. Targeted for criticism by a variety of bad actors, miscreants, contrarians, and folks grumpy that they didn’t get what they wanted in life, the government is forced to sell off perfectly good vehicles just because they’re a little unsafe, in the hopes of recouping some money that they can then spend on new, soulless postal vans. Every farmer for miles around probably has one or two of these things in their back forty. This is because even after the ancient parcel vans of my youth stopped being useful for luxuries like “providing heat,” you can still throw a pregnant sheep in the back, full-throttle that shit all the way to the property line, and be pretty sure that it will make the return trip even if you haven’t changed the oil since Mulroney.

Part of this is because these vehicles are supremely engineered for their purpose. Like sharks, they have exactly the ideal parts required for the job they are meant to do, and no luxuries like air conditioning, seven-speaker surround sound stereos, ABS, or chairs with padding. Sure, they devour fuel, but that’s what you get when you use technology from the Bronze Age to develop an engine that wears like the mountains. Where did such a glorious piece of lost technology come from, in our current era where smartphones last twelve minutes and brand-new microwaves come with a sticker telling you what number to phone in order to safely recycle them?

Once upon a time, the government used to have demands of the manufacturers from which they were ordering several million vans. They could insist that these vans run forever, never need to be maintained, and double as cover in the event of a semi-automatic gun fight. It would cost a little bit extra, this overbuilding, but this was justifiable: we are the government, after all, and if we didn’t ask them to do their job, they’d just rip us off. Now, not so much. In the pursuit of business efficiency, the government just treats themselves as another boring consumer. Buy the same Ford Transit or German-made electric conversion van as everyone else. Did it break down because it’s not meant to be driven one point eight million kilometers in a single year by a suicidal Newfoundlander who doesn’t understand enough English to comprehend the concept of “keep the engine below 9,000 rpm?” Buy another.

There’s still time left to get a van like this of your very own. Together, we will hold onto these glorious artifacts of a bygone era, and ideally take them down to the track together. Won’t the track marshals be pissed when we clock a thirty-six second pass, and stop halfway through to refill the tank.

[nanowrimo]

How to Write Through Second Book Syndrome

Second Book Syndrome is a unique experience that can affect any writer. Today, author Uju Asika talks about what she learned while tackling Second Book Syndrome and gives advice on navigating it.  There’s something immensely powerful about completing your first book. For a brief moment, you feel invincible. After all, pretty much everyone you meet thinks they have a book in them, but not many people actually sit down to write it.

I wrote my first book, Bringing Up Race, in the midst of a global pandemic. Writing my next book, a picture book for younger readers, was a much less stressful experience. So it was actually with my third book, aimed at grownups again, that Second Book Syndrome kicked in.

You’ve probably heard of sophomore album syndrome (see Lauryn Hill, The Stone Roses) aka the sophomore slump that, apparently, can happen to anyone from athletes to second year college students.

Second Book Syndrome isn’t talked about as much and yet it affects almost every author on some level. Whether you’re a million-copy seller, a mid-list author or a relative newbie, you grapple with the same insecurities and nightmare scenarios. How do I write something as good as or better than my last book? If my first book did well, was it just a fluke? If my first book sold poorly, is this book my last shot? Will it meet my readers’ expectations or am I going to get troll-bombed on Goodreads? Am I establishing an author brand or have I niched myself into a corner? Can I experiment with voice or will I get laughed at by critics? Do I even have it in me to write a WHOLE OTHER BOOK?

Now that you’ve finished at least one book, you might feel like you’ve got this shit nailed. But the tricky thing about writing is that every time you open a blank page, you are starting from scratch. And every time you face a blank page, you are forced to meet yourself there, again and again. No matter whether you’re writing fiction or nonfiction. There’s no escaping yourself and that’s what makes it so hard, so vulnerable and potentially, so transformative.

My latest book, Raising Boys Who Do Better: A Hopeful Guide for a New Generation, came out last month. Foolishly, I had it in the back of my mind that writing this book would be a relative breeze. In some ways, it was harder. I had so much Resistance — the negative force that pushes back when you try to do something that matters, as Steve Pressfield talks about in The War of Art.

I also had to deal with the impostor syndrome (a close cousin of Second Book Syndrome) that whispered in my ear that I didn’t have another book in me. That I had used up all my smart ideas and pretty words. That I should stick to short form content and leave the real writing to the professionals.

So how did I get over this? What can you do when you’re in the throes of Second Book Syndrome and feeling like you’ll never write another sentence again? Here are a few things that helped me:

Make a Plan

If you identify as a ‘pantser’ rather than a ‘plotter’, you’re probably shaking your head at this. But it doesn’t have to be a full proposal or outline. Your plan can be as simple as a journal entry, a short mission statement, a sentence describing your premise, or a note to self about what you’d like your reader to learn, feel and experience. Making a plan and reviewing it from time to time can help keep your project alive when you’re suffering from self-doubt, comparisonitis and other symptoms of Second Book Syndrome.

Give Yourself Permission

The only way to release yourself from the pressure of writing your next book is to liberate yourself. Give yourself permission to write badly. I mean, really really badly. Permission to write something that sounds nothing like what you wrote before. Permission to play, to dream, to procrastinate. Permission to research until your head is bursting. For every project, I always keep a notebook so I can write by hand and make a mess and scribble pages of absolute drivel. I can spend hours writing around the edges of what I’m actually trying to explore. I encourage you to start every new project by writing yourself a permission slip. When you give yourself permission, the words might stick and splutter for a while but eventually, they flow. After that, the magic is in the edit.

Drown Out the Noise

We’re surrounded by noise all day, from social media traffic to our own mental chatter to those Amazon reviews (gulp). It’s hugely distracting and can be a drain on your creativity and confidence. Look for ways to drown this out, whether that’s through meditation, writing retreats, long nature walks or journalling. My simplest trick is to put on some noise-cancelling headphones and turn the music up. This might sound counterintuitive but listening to music puts me in a headspace for writing without any filters. Also, as a mother who writes around her family life (the kitchen table is my office), I’ve used headphones for years to signal that I’m at work and to keep the cacophony of my kids at bay.

Get Drunk

When you have another book to write, it’s easy to feel lost at the beginning. What to write and how to say it? When this happens, I immerse myself in storytelling. The poet Charles Baudelaire famously said one should ‘Always Be Drunk’ and it’s a quote that I live by. I don’t mean Hemingway-style binges, I mean being drunk on stories. I consume books, podcasts, films, TV shows, songs, art shows, conversations, eavesdropping, everyday life. I feed my habit and my habit feeds my writing.

Focus on What You Can Control

Creativity is mostly trial and error. Art is subjective and you can’t control how your work will be received by an audience or by critics. Often, success hinges on an indefinable mix of luck, talent, hard work, timing, money, network, reputation and… did I mention luck? Through all this, the only thing you can control is how you show up. I do my best to show up for my readers in a way that’s engaging, impactful and entertaining — both on the page and in real life. Other than that, the rest is not up to me. All I can do is keep showing up.

Track Changes

When you’re editing a piece of work, it can be helpful to track changes on a document. But this isn’t what I’m talking about here. What I mean is keeping track of the changes that happen because you had the courage to put your work into the world. I screenshot comments from readers on social media who tell me my books have changed the way they think about race and identity. I save a file of testimonials from parents who say I’ve shaped how they talk to their children about these tricky topics. I also keep notes on what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown while writing a book. All this is a reminder that so much of writing (and reading) isn’t just about the product or the story but about who we are becoming through the process.

Lean On Your People

Probably the most useful thing you can do as a writer is to find your people and lean on them. Obviously your closest friend/partner/family member who enjoys your writing or offers great advice can be invaluable. But as a writer, your people are other writers and it’s essential that you seek them out. Follow #writercommunity hashtags on social media, join a writers’ group or membership, befriend other newbie authors when your book comes out. You need to be in community with other writers who get it. Especially when Third Book Syndrome comes knocking…

NaNoWriMo Writers Board member Uju Asika is a multi-award nominated blogger, former journalist and TV screenwriter. She is the author of Bringing Up Race: How to Raise a Kind Child in a Prejudiced World and the picture book A World for Me and You (Where Everyone Is Welcome). Her new book Raising Boys Who Do Better: A Hopeful Guide for a New Generation came out on June 1. You can order the book for free worldwide delivery on Wordery: https://wordery.com/raising-boys-who-do-better-uju-asika-9780241608418

Uju is launching a creative writing service for developing and aspiring writers, learn more here!

[josephquinnswhore]

Soap’s Secret

Pairing: Johnny “soap” McTavish x female reader.

Summary: soap has been sneaking around while home from deployment, you can’t figure out what he’s been doing and when you catch him in a lie, he tries to make it up to you.

Word Count: 1.7k

Content Warning: allusions to cheating, insecurity, jealousy, Johnny tries to kinda fight Simon lol.

Note: Hope you love this @sofasoap 🥰

Johnny had never hidden anything from you, he was always an open book, someone that had nothing to hide and no secrets hidden from you. Which is probably what fuelled your insecurity and the harsh thoughts that we’re trying to convince you that Johnny was hiding something from you. He was home from deployment. 3 short months you had to spend with Johnny, time to you that felt like days in comparison to the time he was gone.

He had been distant before when he had seen something really traumatic, something that had taken him months to tell you, but this, this felt different, it felt sneaky. It had been happening once a week for three weeks, three days taken from you, something that adds up relatively quickly when you have as little time together as you already do.

He left this morning at 09:00am, he gave you a small kiss on the check and left with a “love you” something that your brain brain whirring into overdrive, he had always kissed you passionately, he hated being away from you, always muttered a dozen “I love you’s” before he finally departed from your prescience. You’d spent most of the day crying, curled up in bed moping at the obvious answer you’d refused to come to terms with, Johnny, your husband, the love of your life was cheating on you. There was no other rational explanation, you didn’t come to this conclusion lightly.

You pack a small travel bag, shoving in essentials like clothes, toiletries and a framed photo of you and Johnny on your wedding day, although he had betrayed you, you knew you likely wouldn’t ever stop loving him. You exhale shakily as you write a note, not being able to handle confrontation, you wouldn’t allow him to lie his way out of the truth, and you couldn’t deal with seeing him hurt, even if he had broken your heart into a million shards that would remain broken.

You kiss the letter and sob as you place it on the dining table, the bold letters “dear Johnny” was likely to gain his attention, you couldn’t bare to look back at your house, one you had purchased together nearly a decade ago. The thought hit you hard, 15 years thrown in the gutter just like that.

You dumped your bag in the passenger seat of the car and drove, miraculously you didn’t end up in a car wreck, not remembering taking the turns and going through traffic lights that had led you here, to Simon’s house, you didn’t know why you’d driven here, you had only met him a few times through Johnny and you weren’t even sure he liked you. Alas, you stood hesitantly at his front door, fat tears rolling down your cheeks as you try to hold back a sob, trying to hold yourself together as you knock on the door. There’s a minute of silence before Simon opens the door, he’s taken aback when he sees you, your demeanour completely broken with a travel bag by your side. Wordlessly, he opens the door and lets you in.

You sit on the lounge and Simon sits directly across from you, his large sofa feeling brand new as it sits unused in the months he’s gone, doubting he ever has visitors occupying the seat enough to wear it in. “What’s goin on lovie?” Simons blonde eyelashes like through the skull baklava, blue eyes watching you intensely. Through your broken voice you somehow mutter, “he’s cheating on me, Johnny’s cheating on me Simon.” You can see that he’s frowning under the baklava, wrinkles visible under the dark material. “Johnny wouldn’t do that, how’d you figure that?”

You slump into his couch, wishing it would swallow you whole. “He’s been gone every Tuesday since he got back, Tuesday’s we always have movie nights, he’s been gone the whole day and I-“ you take a shaky breath, not wanting to make Simon more uncomfortable, “he’s just been so distant, the way he speaks to me, I feel like I don’t know him.”

“M sorry lovie. Have you told him you’re here?” You shake your head no, and he just nods, “alright, cmon you can take my bed, you ain’t layin on the couch.” You follow Simon down the hall to his bedroom, quietly thank him as he sacrifices his own bed for your comfort, through exhaustion and heartbreak you fall asleep the moment your head hits Simon’s pillow, wishing it smelt like Johnny.

You were awoken to shuffling, muffled yelling and the sound of skin on skin. Your watch reads 12:45am. You turn on the light and rush down the hall and peek around the corner in curiosity. You see Johnny standing at the door shoving Simon. “I know she’s fuckin in here Simon let me in, her cars in the driveway.” Simon shoves Johnny back, pushing him out the doorway. “She don’t wanna see you Johnny. Go home.” Johnny looks around before he starts to shout your name, over and over banging on the open door.

“She sleepin in your bed Simon? You layin with my wife?” The fury in Johnny’s voice sends shivers down your spine, the accusation making you nauseous, it has you furious, the way he would accuse you of cheating when he was the one that was unloyal.

“Rich coming from you Johnny,” you muse from the hallway, your body becoming more visable to Johnny as you step behind your host, Simon tensing up as if to protect you. “Come home with me Bonnie, I can forgive ya.” Johnny had tears in his eyes and you scoff, “I’m not sleeping with Simon, he was on the couch and gave me his bed. Unlike you, gone all day, you’ve been cheating on me.” Johnnys face drops, he knows he has an ultimatum; tell her the truth or hide the secret.

“I ain’t cheating Bonnie.” You cross your arms, “well, what have you been doing?” Johnny shuffles and he can’t meet your eyes, that’s answer enough for you. All you do is shake your head and take off your wedding ring, throwing it at him and it lands on the ground, Johnny scurries to pick it up. “Good night John.” You turn around and break down again, your hands rubbing the bareness that once held your wedding ring.

Your phone was buzzing and ringing so constantly it woke you up, all notifications from Johnny, some texts from Gaz and even Johnny’s ma. You decline the call from johnny and his ma rings, you sigh and answer the phone. “Hey ma.” Your voice is weak and she coos on the other side of the phone. “Oh lass, how are you holding up?” Your lip wobbles, “not good ma. I’m guessing you heard what happened.” The women mumbles to someone before replying, “it’s not what you thinks happening, go back home and Johnny will explain everything, he’s been with me. That’s all I can say right now.” You bite your lip, “okay ma, I’ll do that.” The relief in her voice is evident, “god bless you lass, goodbye sweetheart.” You hang up the phone and gather your things, begging to be wrong that you didn’t just dump your husband when you misread the situation.

Simon was gone when you walk downstairs so you send him a text, you lock his door and get in the car to start the drive, your heart is hammering the whole drive back. You seemed to hit every red light and it made you antsy, your fingers tapping on the steering wheel and legs shaking up and down. Your car comes squealing into the driveway and you have to break harshly to not hit the back of Johnny’s car in the driveway.

You abandon your bag and rush out the door, knocking on the door furiously, the hardness stings your knuckles, your chest is heaving as you see the door open, lowering your hand, to which your knuckles are red and aching. Johnny looks a mess when you see him, hair messy and black bags under his eyes, his face is red and puffy. His blue eyes are dull as he steps to the side to let you in. The first thing you see is the note on the table and alcohol bottles empty beside the note.

“I’ll help ye pack if ye need some help.” The ache that stops your heart from beating is severe at Johnny’s voice. You turn to him and sit him down on his couch, “I’m not here to pack Johnny, I’m here to talk. I wanna know what’s going on, okay? No more secrets.” Johnny’s body loosens from its tense position and he sighs, “you ain’t goin to believe me.” You put a hand on his thigh and his eyes jerk to look at the touch you’re providing, his eyes watering at the bareness of your ring finger. “I’ll believe you Johnny.” You assure softly. “I asked ma to teach me how to bake.” Your eyebrows pinch together as you frown, why would he hide that from you. “I wanted it to be a surprise, I’m retired baby, I want to start a family with you. Was gonna bake an apple pie an tell you over dinner, but I ruined it.”

Your heart skips a few beats, retiring, family? He did this for you. You jump into his lap and bury your face into his shoulder, “oh Johnny I’m so sorry,” your voice breaks as you cry. He holds you to him, scared that if he lets go you’ll disappear, “I’ve ruined everything,” you mumble. Johnny shakes his head, “It’s my fault, I didn’t mean for it to seem like I would ever cheat on you. You’re it for me Bonnie.” You laugh through your tears and put your forehead to his, “you’re really retired, and want a family?” Johnny smiles, “with you Bonnie I want it all.” You soon into his lap, kissing him as your hands cradle his face.

“What happened with the apple pie?” You question, he looks around sheepishly, “burnt it.” He looks over his shoulder and points to the apple pie that’s burnt to a crisp on the kitchen bench. “Why don’t I help you make one hm, we can redo this whole thing,” Johnnys soft lips meet yours, moving against them desperately searching for your love. “Deal, but you gotta put this back on,” he pulls your wedding ring from his pocket and your cheeks flush red with embarrassment as he slides it on your finger, the feeling welcome as it hugs your finger comfortably, “please don’t ever take it off.” You look up from the glistening diamonds and into your husbands ocean eyes, “promise Johnny.”