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“He Loved Me, He Loved Me Not.”
For a man such as himself, he couldn’t express the emotions he felt, even if he wanted to. It was a matter of being unable, not knowing how than not wanting to. Or maybe it was a little bit of both. Chishiya could only hope that the one he loved wouldn’t see him any less for it— because it’d only sting more considering that he, for once, was trying his best to be (somewhat) emotionally available.
But maybe he had realized that all just a little too late.
a/n; exploring his character a little! A little bit of one-sided pining, mentions of past relations between Chishiya and reader, messy plot, messy in general ‘cause I haven’t written like this in three years— g/n! reader (hopefully), mentions of unhealthy behaviour, the neglectful kind + pre-borderlands relationship but chishiya reflecting during borderlands when he sees you again during beach arc
What did you expect, getting into a relationship with him? What had drawn you in, pulled you in so close? Close enough that he could plunge a knife into your heart so deep he could tug it right out from the other side? What did you expect?
What did you expect.
Before the whole borderlands shit show, Chishiya had you in his arms every day. Every other day. Maybe weekly. He thought he had expressed his affections rather often, but according to the other party they barely saw him. There had been a conversation between the two of you about this, a conversation where he willingly sat and listened. Nodding his head, looking like he caught your words as soon as they left your mouth.
Maybe that was one of the reasons. How he seemed so good at listening, as if he was hooked on to every word you said, actively listening every time you spoke. In a sense he did. At the beginning, that was.
Everyone knows how things are at the beginnings of a relationship. Where couples are tied to the hip, all lovey-dovey and happy looking. As if they solved all their problems and were sure there would be none to come their way. You and Chishiya were no different, but of course he showed this newfound affection he held in his own unique way.
Never the biggest fan of pda, so he kept the touching behind closed doors. Even then, his biggest way to show affection was just sitting down and spending time with you. Listening to how your day was, and you prying out the same from him as he reluctantly shared.
That was just how your relationship was— and he liked it that way.
Until that ‘honeymoon phase’ started to slowly fade. Like it always does. He started spending less time with you, barely saying anything to you unless he needed something.
It was strange, how things switched up so quickly with him. He even went radio silent a couple of times, not really responding to texts or calls. Most he would give at times to a message is a one or two word answer. No matter how good a partner someone could be— anyone would start getting anxious about what was going on.
The final straw came when he didn’t say anything at all for a whole month. Maybe even reaching two months.
It was crazy. How could you be completely detached for a whole month like that? You never even caught a glimpse of him, got a single text or call. He must’ve been deliberately ignoring you.
Unfortunately, he had been.
He had no idea what came over him, but he just couldn’t talk to you. The workload at the hospital was only an excuse he could barely tell himself as for his own behaviour. As if he was justifying it.
But after a while, a string of texts finally got his attention. It’s all pretty blurry to him, but he just remembered dropping whatever it was he was doing to go over to your place. Unfortunately for him, a stroke of bad luck decided to follow him as he walked across Shibuya Crossing.
It was the day he found himself in this sort of dystopian version of Tokyo.
Maybe that’s why he found himself staring at you from a distance— there wasn’t really… actual closure. At least for him. With the raging party by the pool, you seemed to be having some fun with new friends you made during your time here.
Chishiya was known to be a confident guy, a bit of a prick but in a way he had a right to be. He was intelligent. But he could never bring himself to go up to you again. Not after how he left things on such a sour note.
He liked to think it was both his and their fault. Their fault for falling in love with a man like him, and his fault for loving you just as much. Maybe even a little more.
Perhaps that’s why he subconsciously distanced himself at one point. Did he think that was the right move? To move as far away and close himself as much as possible to protect them from an asshole like him? Someone who couldn’t even share how his day at work had went?
At the end, it didn’t matter why or why not he did certain things.
The fact of the matter was, he hurt you either way. Maybe this was how he loved. By pushing them as far as possible, holding himself accountable. And maybe this was how he balanced his life. From the shitty things he did every day, maybe he deserved it. Deserved never being able to make love last.
“Chishiya— Chishiya!”
The taller woman beside him had snapped her fingers right against his ear, making him turn his head just the slightest. Kuina stared back at him, the corners of her mouth twitching upwards just a little. A slightly incredulous smile on her face, “what’s with that expression? You look like you just got dumped.”
He knew she was exaggerating so he let out an amused scoff. Slowly, his eyes trailed back towards the crowd, a quiet sigh leaving his lips.
Ah, he just remembered. Why he had been making his way to your place that day. The message that got him scrambling to his feet, finally waking up to reality.
It’d been a break up text.
It took that, something that finally spelled it out to him that his relationship was in jeopardy, to try to fix it. Remedy how much he had blatantly ignored his partner for the past month or so, absolutely refusing to even send a single message.
If it hadn’t been obvious yet— he still loved you. After 90 days of this place, he still loved you. You probably still loved him too, he presumed. That wasn’t just his narcissism speaking, there was no way they’d get over him so quick. No way.
No way.
#oneshot#alice in borderland#aib#imawa no kuni no alice#chishiya#chishiya shuntaro#chishiya angst#chishiya alice in borderland#chishiya fanfic#shuntaro chishiya#chishiya x gender neutral reader#chishiya x reader#kren’s writing#kuina#kuina mention#kuina aib#kuina hikari#testing out the waters…#hopefully this turned out okay#i really just wanted to write something 😭#OOC KINDA#just realized mf prolly wouldn’t be like ‘oooo i deserve no love’#bitch prolly thinks he deserves all love#grrrrr#whatever#make him dramatic
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forever thinking that whenever something goes wrong, Kip, arc, and twig in this order just goes “aw, heck!” “oh dear..” “FUC”
Have I ever got a surprise for you, Aimz.
#Twig very specifically hates swearing because of shenanigans in her human childhood#and has learned that it is a great way to confuse pokemon around her by simply saying “AW HECK” when bad stuff happens#(heck isn't said by anyone ever in the pmd world because it's a human term)#and by bewildering people with what sounds like fluent gibberish#Twig is able to frequently startle them out of their worry / sadness / fear#so she is constantly using minced oaths and making herself laugh by how shocked everyone is by it#They think she swears like a sailor#but really she's just saying “CHEESE AND CRACKERS” 24/7#Also: Made a drawing in clip studio paint for once!!!#Trying to learn that program bc my iPad is dying slowly#Hopefully this turned out okay#the present is a gift au#stuff by sofie#pmd2#pmd eos#pmd explorers#pmd sky#pmd#pokémon mystery dungeon#pokemon mystery dungeon#pmd2 partner#pmd partner#pmd darkrai#swear warning#(kinda)#sofie answers asks
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⎸ Closed Starter ⎸ ⁂ @calamxty
And nary a single note of placating sound escaping then. Only merely soft choruses of ghosting footsteps, wholly inaudible. As the upper moon quietly padded through the labyrinth of empty corridors before him. As those fragmented, amber painted, hues absently gazing around. Within the stagnant depths of the Infinity Castle. A place akin to a home, blissful sanctuary, and yet also a vicious cage as well...
Haplessly entangled tightly within the razor sharp chains of Muzan’s detrimental dreams. The petulant whims akin to a raging hurricane. Carefully keeping them beneath his thumb. Bestowing his demons with pretty, pretty, praises, only to brutally lash out with his most callous and primal punishments. No amount of grief stricken agony nor complete humiliations could hope to sate their god in those states. Even being one of his deemed ‘favorites’ of the upper moons, allowed even his probably nonsensical desires to never even so much as slaughter a human woman, let alone devour one. Akaza had still suffered beneath those taloned hands more than a few times...
And this night truly was no different. This foreboding sense, this symphony of irrefutable dread that wetly dripped from every pallid wall, every tatami mat within the castle as Akaza made his way to Muzan’s chambers, hurt. Keening from aching lungs, with every venom laced breath...
And certainly it was true, his god would not be appreciative upon learning Akaza had found nothing new of that cursed blue lily. Only merely a ghostly fairy tale. As so many had surmised. The thunderous symphony of buzzing gossip ringing upon the tepid air. Of fellow demons, both upper and lower alike. Heavily doubting such a thing even existed. Some merely thinking Muzan so egotistically drunk upon his own faux tales of odd medicines. Of the utterly inane agility to conquer the very sun itself. Some only merely guessing that Muzan was so very aware of there being no flower. Using it as only yet another crimson tie to bind them. To torment them. To manipulate. For Muzan’s own utter amusement.
And yet, Akaza was so perfectly aware...
In the end, it mattered naught if the flower was truly real or mere pointless, ceaseless, hearsay. Either way, the best thing to do was keep your head down and just wander upon these seamless lands. In search upon fruitless search. To incur the least amount of that man’s spiteful wrath possible....
❝ Muzan-sama... ❞
And those tepid, fractured, hues flickering down now to gaze upon indigo dipped fingers. Deftly kneeling upon ink stained hands, upon steady knees. Lingering within the immaculate doorway of Muzan’s chambers. Every word calmly dripping from the upper moon’s lips. Laced with nary a chorus of perfect fear nor flickers of resentment towards the rapturous god before Akaza then. Despite the deeply sewn chill that so strikingly emanated from that lithe frame. The sudden and biting frigidness nearly sending soft shivers ghosting down the other’s spine.
❝ I have looked for the blue spider lily as you have commanded. And yet I have found no new information of it’s possible locations. ❞
#ay yo nice knowing ya akaza dfgsf#「 ;; Test ★ Muse : Akaza ˚ ✦ :: 」#calamxty#hopefully this turned out okay
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[1950s happy radio marketing voice]: welcome to night raven, one of the top two schools for learning mages, in the world! We have many different dorms suited to your very soul, which will you be sorted to? From heartslabyul with its large gardens of rose bushes frequently cared for by its members, as well as the lovely hedgehogs and flamingos kept by the students, the animal lover in you will rejoice! maybe however you want to go all in on the animal loving side of your personality, or you want to escape from the confines of current modern society? with it's rugged charm and rough architecture, savanaclaw is the place for you! there's a little something for everyone! Don't worry if you're more into a classy sort of thing however, Octavinelle is just the place for you! With it's lovely calming decor, and in dorm cafe, it's got it all! And did we mention it's under the sea? Perfect for your adventurous side without leaving the comfort of school! Then again, maybe the oceanic scenery isn't your thing. not a problem, Scarabia is perfect for all with a love of parties and luxury! In the middle of a sandy desert, scarabia is a "hot spot" for all to escape from the desert heat! With frequent parties, parades, and feasts, this is the perfect dorm for all with a love of fun and celebrations! Then again, some among us value beauty and elegance over parties, and if you're part of them then pomefiore is the dorm for you! With traditional architecture and years of historical beauty in every corner, it's perfect for cultivating a sense of style and awe in all who visit. [Brennan lee Mulligan voice] Then there's ignihyde. Freaking ignihyde. Ugh, in the middle of literal hell, you'll find a bunch of shut ins who do nothing but stare at their damned phones. Speaking of damned, that's what the dorm is. Surrounded by fire, giant skeletons, and even more fire, my condolences if you get sorted there. [Back to 1950s happy radio marketing voice] Maybe you're thinking to yourself, all these dorms sound amazing, how could I ever chose? Well my friend, do I have the dorm for you! In diasomnia, students who excel at magic across the board mingle among one another. perfect for forming bonds with other capable students, and learning things no other school could teach you! You'll garner respect in all students for being part of such a reputable dorm!
Welcome to night raven, your journey as a student awaits!
[1950s educational film announcer voice]: "Here at Night Raven College, you'll be assigned to one of six beautiful living areas, or Ignihyde, which is in Hell for some reason."
#if you couldn't tell i was really bored lol#hopefully this turned out okay#spent way too long on it lol
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I tried to capture the tail end of a party with this prompt
Day 6 of radioapple week, the prompt was Sleeping/Dancing
#my art#art#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#comic#appleradio#lucifer hazbin#lucifer morningstar#radioapple#alastor#chaggie#huskerdust#angel dust#hazbin husk#hazbin nifty#hazbin charlie#vaggie#this was my first time drawing many of these characters#hopefully they turned out okay#radioapple week
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Roxy! 💖 (and Vodka Mutini but idk how to draw cats haha 🫣🐈⬛)
#I don’t use pink very often and kinda struggled with the colors for this one but hopefully it turned out okay? :)#roxy lalonde#homestuck#homestuck art#homestuck fanart#vodka mutini#sweaters#art#my art
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TOApril Day 19 – Haunted
"Am I making you feel sick?"
#OKAY LAST LATE ENTRY there's just the one from today after this#which. hopefully won't turn into another thing i'm submitting late#i didn't prepare a sketch for it back in march so i'll need to whip something out this evening 💀#anyway gang here's the regularly scheduled copollo angst!!! how we feelin#trials of apollo#toa#apollo#lester papadopoulos#commodus#percy jackson#pjo#toapril#toapril 2024#scribbles#lonely thoughts
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From Aug 2022
Sliding in right before pride month ends with some old Blup sketches that I really liked.
[ID: 3 sketch illustrations featuring Barry and Lup.
The first sketch is Barry and Lup, with the trans flag wrapped around them. Barry is leaning in to press a kiss onto Lup's cheek.
The second sketch is Barry and Lup doing a fist bump, smiling.
The last sketch is a full body of Barry and Lup, out on a walk. They are holding hands and smiling at each other. Barry is holding a coffee cup in his other hand, while Lup is holding an ice cream cone. Lup's skirt has the trans flag colors.
End ID]
Also I’m open for sketch suggestions yall I’d be happy to draw Taz fanarts.
#taz#the adventure zone#blupjeans#barry bluejeans#lup#lup taz#lup taaco#tazb#taz balance#lol this turns out the file name for this was gender mood 1 bc i was feeling extremely bad about gender bs#that day and needed to draw my blorbs being happy and trans#gender mood 2 was rai*eon specifically for transmasc rai that i will hopefully remember to post at some point.#lol anw. what i wanted to say is i love and cherish blups. they make me so happy#also i hope i did okay with the id#if anyone wants to add to it to make it more clear id be happy to edit the post w full credit to you
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how we feeling bout that epilogue boys
#you get my warm up doodles bc they turned out okay 😌#hopefully will be making some more stuff soon…#rwby#oscar pine#professor ozpin#my art#rwby spoilers
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that one antonball intermission screen makes me think of beika
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And another scene that’s a work in progress of my animatic, this one is actually the most difficult to do so haha(considering it’s all 100+ layers… yeah my storage is gonna die :’D)!
Oswald and Mickey really are wasting my animation budget-/j
#my art#gif warning#mickey mouse#oswald the lucky rabbit#kingdom hearts#as you can tell it’s only Oswald that’s been drawn#Mickey’s I’ll do later since he isn’t all that hard#I know it isn’t much yet but hopefully it’ll turn out okay#… did I mention this is also my first time? 😅
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have you already planned/shared what the mall horrors are?
everyone, say hello to the mall horrors! :D
#okay the real answer to that is: yes and no ToT#bugsy and i have the broad strokes decided— backrooms under the mall. freaky changeling business. eventually things turn out okay#but we change our minds on the details so damn often#it’s always hard. writing spooky things because once you Explain the things they cease to be spooky#but also if you don’t explain them well your story makes no damn sense#so. we waffle. A Lot#on *why* the things happen#but like i said. we’ve got the broad strokes. so hopefully the rest of the details come soon ToT
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@fenglianweek day 6: memories/growing up
the best thing thats ever been mine
#tgcf#xie lian#feng xin#fenglian#fenglianweek24#my art#full color#I SPENT SOOO LONG ON THIS ONE... like not long for me. fast for me! but compared to the other ones ive done for flw. long.#this has been a few weeks of work and im very happy with how it turned out! tried to be thoughtful about how i approached the colors#and i think it really paid off! theres SO MANY COLORS in the pants im so proud of all the fabric in this...#that white fabric has so. many colors. it makes me super happy#also some of the fallen petals make hearts. btw >:o)#idk if they translate well but feng xin has top surgery scars!!! theyre both trans but xie lian is a cultivator so. he just uses magic#i KNOW when he first learned transformation magic he like BOOKED IT to feng xin to show him like 'LOOK. FLAT!!!'#and little teenxin was like 'ummm 😳 yeah. flat'#ANYWAY!!! idk if they actually look like teens here... hopefully yes. xie lian does to me at least???#or at least he looks different from how i draw him as an 800smthng year old lol. but still like himself i think!!! i hope...#whatever. point is. do you remember we were sitting there by the water. you put your arm around me for the first time. you made a rebel of#the tags cut me off there. thats a good thing. IF YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW.#did you guys know i have headcanons about the type of tswift fans mu qing and xie lian would be. well now you know. I Have Thoughts#OKAY THATS ENOUGH TAGS I NEED TO ACTUALLY POST THIS. ILY MUAH TTYL
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Had to make a pigeon decal for a class, I kinda like how it came out
edit: forgot that a little bit of shading goes a long way (also changed the line color, might still darken it)
#birds#pigeons#classwork#<- haven't used that in ages lmao#less projects but they're big and harder to do#i was told I'm allowed to make as many decals as what i can fit on an 8.5x11 sheet of paper#but i really just want the same one three times#so i just made it really big haha#they're gonna get smacked on a vase once they arrive in the mail from the printing company so that'll be fun#hopefully prof likes them bc they're due tomorrow lmao#the linework is just actual pen#scanned it in w/ a paper scanner and manually cut out all the weird spots and made the paper transparent so i could color under the lines#let it be know that i put effort into this one; i just went in with a plan so it only took three hours#i like how it turned out... maybe i'll do this process more often...#okay i'm really tired going to bed#i've been doing pretty good about getting to bed before midnight in the past couple of days#it's crazy how getting more than four hours of sleep makes it easier to get out of bed#update update#I MADE IT IN 200DPI NOOOO#NOT AGAIN
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Kanto pokemon: 2/151
#my art#pokemon#fanart#art#bulbasaur#ivysaur#I've decided to draw pokemon as practice since they're very shapey!!#tbh i'm not proud of how ivysaur turned out LOL but i think bulbasaur turned out okay#anyway idk how many i'm going to do but i think it'll be cool to see how much i've hopefully improved by the end of it?#and who knows maybe it'll reinspire me to play pokemon lets go eevee or something lol
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Ohhhh boy. I have come with (yet another) Eldritch!Lucifer concept design. It will happen again. Ksnsbef
Inspiration taken from omori/madoka/genshin.
I have so many biblically accurate designs in the drafts bc I just. cannot see Luci with one definite look. Hence the hc that the closer his appearance is to his 'true' form, the more unstable it becomes. my baby would drive quantum physicists mad.
#eldritch lucifer morningstar#see one body is not enough. turns him into a planetary system#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin lucifer#lucifer morningstar#flakes art#not described#undescribed#might rework this later. to probably hopefully render him ksjsjdjdkdk.#fun facts abt this lil guy right there#1) the 'planet' he's holding is shaped like an apple. :)#2) aurora borealis can be seen in the area his wings do not cover#3) related to 2). due to instability in his angelic energy field thingy (his angelic and demonic sides not meshing well together)#there are probably soo many windstorms in there#if someone compares him to a vagina again I will cry /lh#“see that's why he gets along so well with vaggie” -🩹 NOOOO NO NO NONONO#edit: okay nevermind the symbolism is great actually#edit edit: him emulating the birthing process him recreating an entire ecosystem out of himself within himself#him clutching at any shred of familiarity he can find#no matter how broken or dysfunctional. no matter if it's barely holding itself together. no matter if it means he has to tear *himself* int#he misses home he misses his family so much screams#him trying to recreate what they once had but there's a big gaping fucking hole in the sky and the living reminder of what happened#constantly replaying around#and if he focus hard enough he can still feel himself Falling#it's all on a subconscious level but anyway. Yeah#flakes rambles#there's def more to say but it's 6am already...hahaha eepy time#edit edit edit: okay in a sense this is less like a 'true form' and more like a physical manifestation of his psyche#BUT STILL#OKAY EEPY TIME FORREALSIEs
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