#but also if you don’t explain them well your story makes no damn sense

[comfymoth]

have you already planned/shared what the mall horrors are?

everyone, say hello to the mall horrors! :D

[trippinsorrows]

looking through your eyes + nine

authors note: i know i've said this before, but this one might be my favorite. there are a few subtle hints spread throughout as well.....

i also listened to the song i named the story after while writing most of this chapter, so maybe recommended listening?

if any cw/tw’s are missed, please let me know, and i will add them!

cw/tw: fluff, angst, language, inebriation, character being triggered, references to past csa, and suggestive themes

song inspo: ‘looking through your eyes’ by leann rimes

masterlist

words: 12k (i can't be stopped, clearly)

And I see a girl Who is learning to trust

---Leann Rimes

In many ways, Roman is a simple man. The kind that believes obvious gestures, actions, or even lack of inaction should speak for itself. That there are some things that are just so clear as day, it doesn’t make sense for him to have to explain himself. 

For him to have to repeat himself. 

Well, that’s gone out the window as of recent months, because he’s constantly found himself having to do just that. And his day is starting off no different with a surprising and unwanted guest showing up at his office demanding to speak to him.

Bayley stands across his desk with her arms crossed and an almost glare on her face. “I’ve been texting you.”

The fact that she even has his number is an issue in and of itself, but he’ll tackle that another day. “I’m aware.”

The avoiding of said texts is that obvious thing that she seemingly doesn’t understand the why behind. 

Bayley nods, very visibly keeping in a comment she’s at least smart enough to not make to the head of the Bloodline. Friend of his wife, or not. “Well, I would like to talk to you.”

Roman rolls his eyes, moving up from his desk to his filing cabinet to swap out expense reports he was trying to review before her rude, unwanted interruption. “I bet you would.”

“Seriously?” Ignoring her once again is the plan, Roman hoping that’s all it takes so that he doesn’t have to lose his temper before he even has his first meeting of the day. “It’s about Solana.”

And that is what finally catches Roman’s attention. He’s quick to turn around, expression suddenly hardened. “Talk.” She has his full attention. “Now.” 

Bayley takes note of how easily it is to gather Roman’s attention with the simple mention of Solana. It’s surprising to say the least and telling as hell to say the most, but she keeps this little observation to herself. 

“We’re having a Cinco De Mayo celebration at my family’s restaurant tomorrow night.”

“What does that have to do with Solana?”

Roman watches her hesitate for a second. “I want to invite her.”

For a split second, Bayley thinks she may have hit a stroke of luck when Roman doesn’t immediately shoot down her request. He seems to actually be thinking about it. And then he asks the question she knew would be the nail in the coffin. “Will Escobar be there?”

She’d like to just say no, as it’s highly unlikely he will attend, Bayley unsure if her cousin is even in the country. But, lying to the man before her has never turned out well for anyone, so she answers as honestly as she can. “I don’t know. You know he pops up at random times—”

Roman doesn’t even need to hear the rest. “My answer is no.”

She can’t be too surprised. Bayley wisely anticipated getting Roman to budge would be damn near impossible, if not entirely impossible.

“Roman—”

“Why the fuck would I allow her to be anywhere around that son of a bitch?”

To be fair, Roman’s relationship with Santos Escobar is tamer than most. They’re not allies, certainly not friends, and he doesn’t hate the man. It irritates him a bit how Escobar is a stubborn bastard and refuses to pledge loyalty and allegiance to the Bloodline, but that anger is eased by the fact that Escobar gives an even bigger middle finger to the Nightmare Factory.

His loyalty is to himself and the Legado Del Fantasma. That makes him a wildcard and potentially dangerous.

Roman won’t have Solana anywhere where danger could be present.

“You know as well as I do that while both you and my cousin have this weird ass Qué en es más macho thing going on, there’s all but a ceasefire. You've never attacked one of his men the same way he’s never attacked anyone in the Bloodline. That’s not going to change overnight just because your wife is present at a chorcha.”

Roman isn’t too full of himself to admit when someone has made a valid point, but as this involves Solana, the standards are a bit different. He won’t give Bayley that much. “Why should I even take the chance? You want to do something with Solana, take her somewhere else that’s on Bloodline or neutral territory.”

“My family’s restaurant is on neutral territory.” Bayley is happy to have another point of his she can counter. “And contrary to what the average, ignorant American thinks, Cinco De Mayo is an important part of our culture and our heritage, Solana’s heritage. I think she would really enjoy herself, that it would….that it would help her feel close to her mom.”

Roman is excellent in the way he remains absolutely unreadable even at Bayley’s point that has him seriously reconsidering his prior answer.

He has no doubt that would help her feel connected with her mom, being around reminders and in a space that’s so representative of half of who she is, who her mother was. He can’t see her not enjoying herself, which is something that doesn’t seem to happen a lot in her life thus far.

Just as he continues to mull over the options, Bayley adds on another defense. “I get where you’re coming from with the safety angle, but I’ll be there and Naomi will be there. Between the two of us, no one will touch her.”

Roman easily reads between the lines and identifies her unspoken request. “You don’t want Solo there.”

On one hand, he can understand it. Bayley not wanting his Enforcer there. Solo’s presence could be seen as him potentially scoping versus the real reason of serving as Solana’s personal guard.

Bayley doesn’t seem to be backing down, reminding with all the confidence in the world of her capabilities. “Like I said, Naomi and I got this.”

Roman will give her that. Bayley and Naomi could fight on his team any day. They’re just as brutal as the men, if not more when pushed. He knows they’d be able to keep Solana safe if need be. It’s that realization as well as the concern of depriving her of something that could make her happy that brings him to a revised answer.

“Fine, she can go.” Roman is quick to add on as an ominous warning, borderline threat, “but if anything fucking happens to her while she’s with you—”

“It won’t,” Bayley vows. “She’s our friend, and she’s family to Naomi. We look out for each other.”

Roman believes that. Believes that Bayley has seemingly pledged a loyalty to Solana that matches that of Naomi, and while he’d never fucking tell her this, he’s grateful she has someone like Bayley to talk to.

At his fill of socialization with people he doesn’t like, Roman is quick with the dismissal. “If you don’t have anything else to discuss with me about Solana, you can get the hell out of my office.”

Bayley is actually surprised she made it this long without being kicked out, so it’s under her breath she mutters, “a true gentleman.” She’s halfway to his door when manners get the best of her. “Hey, Roman.”

He’s back at his desk, gaze as irritated as when she first stepped in. “What?”

With a nod of respect and appreciation, she simply says, “thank you.” Whatever his response, or lack thereof, is after that is unknown because Bayley is out the door and on her way to invite Solana to what is sure to be a night of fun.

________

“Man, I tell you every dish Solana makes seems to get better and better.” Jimmy is rubbing his stomach as he places the now cleaned plate on the coffee table. “Where she been at all our lives?”

Once upon a time, Roman had a nice, quiet house that was his and his alone. Now though, it’s shared with a wife who really isn’t an issue, two obnoxious cousins who need to start paying rent at this point, and a dog who’s currently at the sliding door leading to the backyard having a one-sided bark off with a squirrel.

“Why are ya’ll always fucking over here?” Roman’s question is said with all the irritation manifesting in his muscular body. At the same time, he stands up from the sofa to retrieve the puppy he doesn’t feel like yelling at to shut up. 

She might piss herself in fear or something.

“Come on,” he grunts, leaning over and taking up Dulce who is almost instantly quiet. “Making all that damn noise for nothing.”

Roman places Dulce in her bed in the living room and returns to his previous seat on the sofa when she hops up and walks her ass right over to lean up on the sofa to stare at him with her unspoken request.

Jimmy is the first to notice this. “I think lil Nacho Libre likes you, Uce.”

Jey chimes in between bites of whatever Solana’s latest dish is that she’s made for them. “She know English yet or Soso still got her only speaking Spanish?”

“Man, the dog can’t speak.”

“You know what I mean, motherfucker. Damn.”

Roman ignores the two imbeciles currently freeloading in his house and relents to just letting Dulce on the sofa. He’s not sure why she’s downstairs with them instead off on the second level where the girls are getting ready, but she’s already here now, so no sense in transporting her. 

Dulce seems satisfied with her placement right next to him. 

“I still can’t believe we weren’t invited.”

“I can get why they didn’t invite us, but they could have at least given Nicki an invite.”

Jimmy is quick with the obvious answer. “You know Nicki don’t fuck with Naomi like that, or Bayley, and definitely not Soso.”

“Cause she’s fucking psychotic.” Roman has zero issues with his cousin’s wife having little to no interest in getting to know Solana. It’s for the better. As he said, the bitch is psychotic.

“Once again, Big Dog, you ain’t gon keep disrespecting my wife like that.”

Roman is as unfazed by Jey’s threat as Dulce is. 

“I gotta agree with Uce on that one. Nicki ass crazy as hell. One minute she love you, the next minute she pulling a Left Eye and burning your shit.” That emits a chuckle from him. His cousin's sneaker collection being burned in the backyard that one year was pretty funny. 

“Look, that was during a rough patch. That’s all.”

“Damn bruh, ya’ll must got a whole goddamn quilt then, cause your relationship been nothing but rough patches since we was in high school.”

“So what, you and Naomi never have no issues, huh?” Jey lives up to his hotheaded reputation, jumping into defensive mode. “Ya’ll just got the perfect marriage, right?”

“Of course we got issues, man, but never to the point where she turned into a lil arsonist!”

Completely disinterested in hearing dumb and dumber argue, Roman grabs his phone and shoots out a text.

Roman: You almost ready?

Solana’s reply comes in less than five minutes later.

Solana: Just about…..is Dulce by you?

Roman: Yeah. Sleeping….as always.

Solana: Lol….sorry about that, I meant to grab her before we got started.

Roman: It’s fine.

Roman: I need to talk to you before you leave.

He’s not surprised by the longer time it takes for her to reply. He can imagine she’s reading too much into his text.

Solana: Okay....I can come now?

Solana: I just have to put my shoes on….

Roman: I’ll come to you.

Roman knows better than to ask the bumbling idiots to watch Dulce. Their attention span when they get this heated is almost non-existent, so he opts to just take her upstairs with him, figuring he can deposit her in her bed in Solana’s room and that’ll be it for the night. 

One down.

Two more to get rid of.

Roman is standing outside of Solana’s door ready to knock when it’s ripped open, and he’s met with an instantly smiling Naomi. 

She’s smiling at the damn dog, of course.

“There you are, Dulce.” Roman has no issue whatsoever with letting her take the puppy, talking to it in that weird ass baby voice everyone seems to use around Dulce. He doesn’t get it, but it’s not something he desires to try to get anyway. Naomi calls out over her shoulder, “I’m gonna take her out to pee.”

Bayley shouts from inside the room, “I’ll come with you.”

Roman also has zero issues with that as well. He wants to be alone with Solana before she heads out.

Naomi is heading to the steps when Bayley walks past him, throwing out a rushed, “tell her she looks nice.”

That’s a given, but he gives her a nod, easily stepping in and closing the door behind him. He looks around the room, eyes settling on the connected bathroom where the door is suddenly swung open.

“Guys, are you sure I should wear—” Solana stops when she sees that Bayley and Naomi are no longer present, just him. “Oh, sorry, I thought—never mind.”

Roman would call her out on her apologies, both in the text and just now, but his attention is on something entirely different. 

Solana is fucking stunning.

Her dress is orange, thin sleeved and hugs her in a way that makes his jaw clench and dick stiffen. It’s more low cut in the front than he knows she’s probably comfortable with, but if anything, it accentuates just how fucking nice her chest is. There’s a slight split on the side of said dress that shows off her thighs, thick and soft to the touch, he’d imagine. She also has her hair down, something he hasn’t seen in some time, makeup that covers the scar, and lips painted in a teasing red. 

Roman has to catch himself because for a brief second, he’s tempted to completely change his mind. She looks too good to leave the house, especially without him present because there’s not a single doubt in his mind that she’ll turn heads.

She always does. 

Finally, he’s able to get words to leave his mouth that aren’t as filthy as the thoughts he’s trying to keep locked in the back of his mind. “Jesus, you look amazing.”

Roman has noticed an increasingly difficult time in restraining himself around Solana, not in the sense where he’d completely ignore her trauma and try to touch her in a way that would trigger her. Never that. More so in the way he fantasizes about her in that way, dreams of having her in that way, solely because of his growing physical attraction.

Granted, it’s always been there. 

Anyone could see her beauty even in how she would dress down and try to hide her figure, but now that Naomi and Bayley have been encouraging her to be less conservative in her appearance, it’s increased that difficulty exponentially. 

“Thank you.” The makeup on Solana’s cheeks helps to mask her growing blush at Roman’s unabashed compliment. She suddenly looks down, nervously running her hand down the dress. “Is it….is it too much?” 

Not at all. He might not want anyone else looking at her, but Roman could see her dress like this everyday and never grow tired. Still, his approval isn’t needed nor should she ever look for it. “Do you think it is?”

“I always think it’s too much.” It’s an honest answer, one that’s followed up with a caveat he’s surprised but pleased to hear. “But….but, I do like it.”

“Then that’s all that matters.”

Solana’s smile does something to him. She looks even more beautiful when she’s smiling. “Look….” Roman steps closer to her, trying to ignore her perfume, sweet and soft, a dangerous combination that matches her perfectly. “You need anything tonight, you call or text me, alright?” 

She nods and asks. “What about Solo? Isn’t—isn’t that his job?”

It’s not a conscious in as much it is a unconscious thing when he steps even closer to her, moving his hand to the small of her back. Roman gently tugs her toward him, and to his surprise, she doesn’t tense under his touch. “You’re my wife, Solana. My job is always to protect you. He just guards you when I can’t.”

She looks like she’s trying to memorize this piece of information, storing it for future use as necessary knowledge. “Do—do you want to come with us?” Solana’s hand resting on his chest is as surprising as her question. “I could talk to Bayley.”

Roman has never been a social person. To say he hates most people isn’t necessarily an exaggeration. So, the thought of being around a bunch of people he doesn’t know or like outside of Solana and maybe Bayley—she’s not entirely awful—is not appealing as well. That doesn’t stop him, however, from considering the question at hand.

He’s tempted to ask her if she wants him to come, because Roman can find it in himself to withstand socialization for a couple hours. 

He’ll do it for her. 

But, there’s another part of him, a larger part of him that thinks she needs to do this on her own. That she needs to establish a life and something for herself that doesn’t include him. It’ll be good for her.

“No.” Is his final answer, delivered much gentler than if she was literally anyone else. Roman reaches and plays with a piece of her hair. “Not my scene. Too many people.” Not to mention that his presence would draw too much attention, potentially not good attention. He won’t do that to her. Won’t’ risk ruining her night. “Go. Have a good time.” Again, for good measure, he reminds, “but I mean it. Something is wrong. You call me.”

She nods, and he readies to remind her of his need for words when she answers, “okay.” She then adds on, “I already gave Dulce dinner, so she should mostly sleep, but if you could take her outside every so often….”

“I got it.” He’d much rather sacrifice the couple minutes it takes to bring her outside than risk her shitting or pissing somewhere in his house. Granted, he has to give credit where credit is due. She’s doing great with her potty training. Solana takes great care of her, but that’s not surprising. It’s obvious how much she loves the puppy. “You should be back by midnight, though.”

It’s more a strong suggestion than a demand. Solana is a grown woman. He’s not going to dictate what she does and doesn’t do. She’s had enough of that in her life. He had to give his approval for her to go with Bayley because of safety issues, but this, he wants to leave up to her as long as she understands the later she’s out, the riskier things can get.

After a certain time, only bad or not so great things can happen.

“Of course.” She seems to understand this clearly, but he’d also bet that’s her preference to be back earlier than later. Solana grabs her purse and walks towards the door, having to pass him in the process. Roman catches her, arm around her waist. 

She looks up, curious, and he makes note of how she again doesn’t tense under his touch. That’s happening less and less, it seems. 

He likes that. 

“Text me when you get there.”

She smiles, and Roman suddenly feels a layer of his irritation with his cousins melt away. “I will.” Solana gives him one more glance before walking out the room. 

Roman scratches his beard, a part of him wondering if he made the right decision to let her go alone. Granted, he knows he would have never even initially agreed if he didn’t trust Bayley and Naomi’s abilities. 

They’d defend Solana as ruthlessly and violently as any of his best men.

That helps to chip away some of his second guessing along with the fact that this is something she clearly wants, and he wants to give her that. Give her anything he can that makes her happy. 

She deserves that much.  

Granted, that temporary peace is short-lived with the shout from one of his cousins who are apparently still present. 

“Ayo, Big Dog, did you change the WiFi password again!”

________

Roman needs a new house.

Maybe have Solana let him know what she likes as far as interior designing goes and have something built with an impenetrable wall around it.

That seems to be the only thing that will keep his annoying ass twin cousins from being at his place so much.

Roman just knew that when the ladies left, they’d leave too. But no, that’s too good to be true, because they’ve been gone almost an hour, and their asses are still here.

Even Dulce is sleeping peacefully like the unemployed bum that she is in her bed kept in the living room. 

And as always with them, they’ve been talking damn near the whole hour. One would think Roman straight up ignoring them as he works on his laptop would be a clear sign they need to go the hell home, but that would be too much like right.

He either needs an Excedrin or for his cousins to leave, the latter being preferred most. It’s especially needed when they seem to be watching whatever dumb ass Tok or Reel video over and over again. 

“Wait. I know that song,” Jey announces, face scrunched up as he tries to recall the name. All Roman knows is that it’s in Spanish and repetitive as hell on top of being played on repeat. Annoying as hell too. “That lil freak from Miami I used to mess with used to have this shit playing at her crib all the time.”

Jimmy sucks his teeth, asking. “What happened to her?”

“Man, she moved.” Jey shrugs. “She went to go be a freak in Cali.” 

Finally, Roman snaps. “Would ya’ll use some damn headphones or something?”

Jimmy is the first to speak. “You might want to watch this, Uce.”

“I don’t care.”

Jey slaps Jimmy on the arm, knowing how to get his cousin’s attention. “Yeah, why would he want to see a video of Solana?”

At that, Roman lifts his gaze.

Jimmy smirks knowingly. “Naomi sent some videos. Check your phone.”

That would explain it. Why Roman was out of the loop. It wasn’t from Solana. 

He’d selected a specific text and ringtone notification for her, so he wouldn’t be unnecessarily checking his phone. Hence why he hasn’t checked it since she text that they’d made it to the restaurant.

Opening up the thread that has himself, Naomi, and the twins, he sees the set of messages and videos.

Naomi: Having a blast! Solana especially. I kinda feel like the odd one out cause clearly I don’t know none of these dances 😩 I kinda got the Bachata one, but Merengue and Punta are killing me.

Naomi: Bay and Solana keep trying to teach me, but it’s not going well lmao

Roman watches them all. Every video shows Solana smiling and laughing as she dances with Bayley and Naomi. One of the videos shows her and Bayley trying to instruct Naomi who seems to be failing miserably at learning what he’d guess are traditional Hispanic dances. There’s even a clip of her trying to help a little girl learn whatever dance they’re doing, and she looks just as patient as he’s seen her with the kids she reads to at the library.

She looks fucking gorgeous and happy.

He likes that for her. After everything she’s been through, she deserves all of the happiness.

But, it’s in watching the last video with the song that he kept hearing on loop from his cousin’s phone that he understands why they have it on repeat.

It’s a different kind of dance Bayley and Solana do together along with other women he doesn’t know or give two fucks about. What he gives a fuck about and focuses in entirely on is the way Solana’s hips and ass move, rhythmically, teasingly, drawing out an uncomfortable tightening in his pants.

Fuck. 

Roman does his best to push his erotic thoughts away, still trying to figure out how to balance his sexual desire for Solana with the knowledge of her sexual trauma. It almost feels wrong, to feel and want her in that way when he knows how traumatizing that subject is for her. It doesn’t stop the desire though.

“Damn, I knew it had to move, just not like that.” 

“Like water.”

It’s probably a combination of his pent up usual, general and sexual frustration, but the dangerously slow way Roman lifts his head and equally slow way he sets his murderous gaze on his cousins is all they need to see to know they’ve gone too far.

And they know it.

Jimmy is instantly on damage control. “I meant—Bayley—you know, cause she—she’s also thick.”

Jey coughs awkwardly, hitting Jimmy on the arm. “I think, uh, we should—we should head out.” And Roman is just as slowly rising from the sofa when the twins literally almost trip over their feet and make a mad dash for the door. 

It takes a couple minutes for him to calm down, and he too suddenly finds himself watching said video, casually commenting to Dulce, “about time they fucking left.”

Dulce barks in agreement. 

________

Solana laughs along with Bayley and Naomi as they plop down in their seats after an almost four minute song of full out merengue. All are reaching for their respective drinks as Bayley playfully nudges Solana. 

“Aren’t you glad you came?”

Just then, Juanita Escobar walks over, Bayley’s mother who carries the same dimple and friendly disposition. She places her hand on Solana’s back, reminding in Spanish, “you must come back and see us again!”

Solana smiles, agreeing, “I will.” She then looks over at Bayley. “If that’s okay?”

Bayley waves her off. “Are you kidding? With how soft and girly you are, you can come be my replacement any time” 

Juanita glares at her youngest, muttering to Solana, “maybe you can rub off on my Bay, hmm? Never wanted to do girl stuff. Always wanted to fight with the boys.”

Bayley chugs back some of her drink. “Hell yeah.”

Solana thinks she’d prefer the fighting too. Maybe then she could have defended herself better. Defended her mom even.

Juanita shakes her head, looking at Solana. “Yes, come again, child. You look so much like someone, but I can’t put my hand on it. I’m sure my husband would know. He knows everyone.”

That doesn't necessarily make Solana want to come back, meeting someone, a man specifically. However, if he’s anything like Bayley or Juanita, maybe…maybe it won’t be so bad.

And maybe…maybe she could ask Roman to come with her. That’d make her feel moderately to significantly better. Safer, even.

Juanita is soon pulled away from the table by a customer at the same moment Solana’s phone rings.

Roman: You good?

Solana: Yes. 

She bites down on her lip, contemplating if she should hit send on her message. It feels like a risky thing to say, but it’s also how she feels.

And he’s always telling her to be honest with him.

So she is. 

Solana: Kinda wish you would have came.

Her fingers nervously tap against the table as she wait for his reply that ends up coming almost immediately. 

Roman: That’s your world. Not mine.

Roman: Do you not feel safe?

Solana: No, not that. I guess…...Nvm.

Roman: Tell me.

Again, more hesitation, and she’s not entirely sure where this desire to be honest and almost vulnerable with him comes from, but she does her best not to push it away, almost welcoming the slight discomfort that comes with sending such a risky text.

Solana: Idk, I feel better when you’re around. 

He doesn’t reply after that.

Bayley and Naomi share a knowing expression, having watched Solana quietly for the past few minutes. Naomi ends up being the one to lead the conversation. “So how are things going with Roman?”

The question takes her off guard, Solana trying her best to think just how to handle said question.

Roman no longer confuses her. Not nearly as much as her feelings about him confuse her. 

She wasn’t lying. She does feel better when she’s around him. And it’s not even that she feels unsafe currently. It’s just that he makes her feel safe in general. That’s such a foreign concept. One she hasn’t experienced in such a long time. 

If ever.

Because the truth of the matter is that while Solana felt an indescribable amount of happiness with her mother, there was never really safety. Not with her father’s wrath always waiting around the corner.

So while this is new and unfamiliar, it’s also nice, and she finds herself enjoying his presence. She likes being around him beyond the safety aspect. The way he talks to and with her, like he genuinely enjoys their conversations. When he meets her for work and asks how her day was or finds her in the house to see how her day was, it makes her feel like he actually cares about what she has to say.

Like he actually cares about her.

It’s such a stark contrast of how she sees him interact with others. Always on edge, it seems. 

He’s never made her feel that way though. Maybe at the beginning, but that’s starting to feel less like anything he’s done and more like her own trauma.

Trauma….

That’s also been an interesting experience. For the past few weeks, she’s worked out of The Courage to Heal, reading every page as instructed. And it’s been….an emotional time, to say the least. Definitely tears. A lot of them. Mostly shed in the middle of the night when she can’t sleep or on the bathroom floor as she sits against the tub, reading and writing, Dulce right beside her, offering that unspoken emotional support.

It’s been therapeutic and challenging and awful having to confront her demons but also freeing in a strange sort of way. Especially the poems. The words of other victims who express so eloquently and hauntingly beautifully what she still cannot. 

One of the things she’s really latched onto and tries to remind herself of is that there are different kinds of touch. Because of the assault, her brain has naturally associated any kind of touch as dangerous, which isn’t always true. Especially in the past few months. 

So, there’s been a conscious and active effort to remind herself when Naomi and Bayley hug her or playfully bump her, that it’s safe. That she’s safe.

Especially….especially with Roman.

Especially with how touch between them has seemed to also increase over the past couple weeks. Or maybe less increase in levels and more in frequency. She’ll find his hand on the small of her back, or him taking her hand in his, and sometimes, if they’re close enough, Solana also finds herself reaching for him, for his hand, her hand on his chest.

It’s all so innocent in presentation but something much deeper for her. A level of comfort she’s developed with him that she never had in any prior relationship. 

She likes it.

She likes him.

“Solana.” 

Jumping at being pulled from her inner dialogue, Solana remembers the initial question being posed. 

She clears her throat, finally answering, “umm….good. It’s—it’s good.”

“He’s not being an ass to you, is he?” She asks, almost protectively. “I mean outside of the natural ass that he always is.”

Immediately, Solana is shaking her head, almost feeling a duty to defend him. “No. No. He–he would never. He’s….always nice to me.”

Bayley nearly spits out her drink. “Nice?” She coughs a bit, also shaking her head. “Are we still talking about Roman here? Roman Reigns? That man has never been nice a day in his life.”

Naomi shrugs. “I mean, she has a point. I don’t think I’ve seen him be cruel to her.”

Cruel….Solana also could never find it in her to use that word to describe Roman’s disposition towards her. Maybe others, but never her.

Bayley sits on Naomi’s point, suddenly sharing to the table, “you know what, now that you mention it, when I went to go ask him if I could invite you tonight, he was ready to bite my head off for bothering him. But, the minute I said it had something to do with you, he was all ears. Like an instant switch.”

Solana is also all ears, slightly intrigued. “Really?” Doubt and insecurity creeps in as she weakly suggests, “he was probably like that with Samantha too.”

At that, Bayley and Naomi laugh aloud, Naomi nearly in tears.

“Now that is funny. Solana, Roman don’t give a fuck about that girl. Not outside of sex.”

Solana must look unconvinced, so Bayley points out, “think about it. She’s been around for years, and it’s not her he took down the aisle, so…..” She then adds, “arranged marriage or not.”

The girls bringing up their points takes Solana back to her run-in with Samantha in the bathroom and Nia’s jaw-dropping information. 

An idea appears, and Solana is instantly torn on whether to pursue or pop it. Something tells her it’s a bad idea, that she should take his information to the grave, but there’s also that side that feels like she can trust Bayley and Naomi to keep it between the three of them.

Sitting forward, Solana decides to take a risk. “Can I—can I tell you guys something?” Nervously, she stipulates, “but it has to stay between us.”

They look expectedly worried. “Solana, if it has something to do with your safety—”

“No, no that.” Solana almost feels confident enough to say that she’d go to Roman if that was the case. She trusts that she could talk to him if it was something like that.

“Of course, then.”

“Solana, you can tell us anything.”

And for some reason, she knows this to be true. It’s why she battles against her trepidation to open up. “It’s—ummm. I….I found out that when….when Roman was…..having sex with Samantha, he….” There’s a pause caused by the discomfort of such a discussion, but Solana manages to push through. “He said my name.”

Both Bayley and Naomi wear shocked expressions, the former of the two whispering harshly, “holy shit, what?”

Bayley then asks, “wait, how do you know?”

“Nia told me.” Solana has zero desire to wholly revisit that night in the bathroom with Samantha, so she only provides the important part. “She said that Samantha told her friend, I guess. T something?”

“Tiffy.” Bayley rolls her eyes. “Makes sense. That girl can’t hold water.”

“I don’t get it then. He obviously was imagining it was you and not Samantha, so why go fuck her and not you?”

Naomi’s question makes all the sense, but Solana doesn’t really know how to tackle it. This conversation is already difficult enough for her. 

But her face must give it away, Bayley seemingly putting two and two together.

“You two haven’t slept together…..have you?” Solana simply shakes her head, unable to verbally confirm and slightly mortified that it’s reached this level of detail. 

Solana is certain they must have a million thoughts floating around their head, starting with the how and why. That part…..that part she doesn’t know if she is ready to discuss.

An ironic thing considering she’s just started the chapter in her workbook on sharing her story with trusted people. 

The irony.

But instead of invasive questions that heighten her anxiety, Naomi places a comforting hand on her arm. 

“Look, I’ve known Roman my whole life, and the guy has been a dick the entire time. He would never hurt a woman, I know that, but he’s also never given a fuck about any of them either. So for him to be the way he is with you when you two haven’t even had sex……there’s something there, Solana.”

“I agree,” Bayley cosigns, saying what Solana has struggled to admit even to herself. “I think he really does like you. In his own Roman sort of way.”

Solana can’t deny the fact that it’s getting increasingly difficult to push away that possibility, even if she still can’t understand the why.

Just what has she done to deserve him liking her? 

Maybe it’s not like. Maybe he just tolerates her better than he does others for some reason. Whatever it is, she can’t negate the fact that it must mean something if Naomi, who’s known him her whole life, believes that something is there.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” Solana just needs to get away. Just for a couple minutes. This conversation took a turn she wasn’t expecting, and she needs to settle her emotions. 

Bayley seems cautious. “Want me to come with you?”

“No.” The rejection is paired with a kind smile. “I’ll just be a few minutes.”

And before she can get any pushback, Solana makes her way through the dancing crowd and to the back restroom that she’s grateful to see is vacant. Closing and locking the bathroom door, she goes straight for the mirror.

Despite the unexpected amount of dancing and slight sweat, she still looks relatively the same. 

The same….

Same.

Even with the makeup and tight little dress, she’s still the same person. She’ll go home tonight, take off the makeup and remove the dress to find the same damaged, scarred girl who can never have something like what Jimmy and Naomi have.

Even if Roman does like her, it won’t last. 

She can’t please him. 

She could never make Roman happy, could never truly satisfy him, satisfy his needs.

She’s too broken for that.

It brings tears to her eyes.

Unable to withstand the sight of herself, Solana grabs a couple napkins to blow away her tears, tosses them out and heads out the bathroom. Instead of heading back to the table, Solana makes a beeline for the bar. 

She’s only had white wine, but white wine isn’t enough. She recognizes where her emotions are taking her, and it’s nowhere good. 

Solana refuses to ruin this night for Bayley and Naomi.

The bartender is a young girl, pretty, early to mid twenties. She asks in a friendly, deeply accented voice, “what can I get you?” 

Solana is naive to this, to the great array of alcoholic options that litter the counter before her, so she answers the best way she can. Thinking back to the few events she’d be forced to attend with her father and brother, the drinks she always heard people order before getting drunk.

“Vodka and Gin, p—please.”

________

Meanwhile, Bayley and Naomi sit at the table still partially stuck on this unexpected news. But also not entirely surprising. With how sittish Solana can be at times, they have a good, albeit depressing guess as to why sex hasn’t happened between them.

It does bring up a valid question though.

“Wasn’t the whole marriage for the purposes of giving Roman an heir? How is that—”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Naomi murmurs. “But, I think we both know it’s obvious Solana has some trauma. Touch is clearly hard for her.”

“I know.” Bayley frowns. “I guess I’m just surprised Roman of all people has been so….patient with her.”

“You and me too.” Naomi blows out a breath before again reiterating what she said to Solana. “He must really like her.”

“It’s just hard to tell with him. He’s so damn stoic, but….I think you’re right. I think she likes him too. She’s just…..scared.” Fear is also something Solana deeply struggles with, though Bayley and Naomi both can recognize the progress she’s making towards overcoming those fears.

With a gasp, Naomi grabs her phone, directing Bayley. “Get your phone.” 

Bay is confused but follows suit just as Naomi says, “I know who may know.” 

Less than a minute later, Bayley’s phone dings with a text notification from a new group she’s in that includes herself, Naomi, Jimmy, and Jey.

Naomi: Sooooo, Bay and I were just talking, and between the four of us, how do you think Roman feels about Solana?

Bayley: And please be honest.

Bayley quickly ensures. “We’re not going to tell them what Solana said, right?”

“Hell no. We could never betray her trust like that.” Bayley is relieved but also not surprised. 

Naomi values loyalty just as much as she does. 

Jey: Man, I think he really like ole’ girl. Bruh got her a dog, seems to drop whatever he doing when she needs something, and I don’t think I ever heard him say nothing bad about her.

Jimmy: He was definitely annoyed at first when Soso had her lil breakdown at the Warehouse, but that didn’t last long at all. 

Bayley: Plus Roman is always annoyed with something or someone.

Naomi: Except her 👀

Jey: Why ya’ll ask?

Naomi: We think Solana really likes him too but is scared to push on it because of her past and just don’t want to encourage her to give it a chance if he’s just gonna hurt her. Ya’ll know how Roman is.

Bayley: A certified ASSHOLE. And a hoe. 

Bayley: But, it seems like that’s not the case with her.

Jimmy: I would say he definitely likes her too. 

Jey: I mean they are married so….

Naomi: It was arranged. That doesn’t count. 

Bayley: Do we know if he’s still fucking around? Primarily with Samantha since she’s been his go-to the past couple years?

Jimmy: I don’t think so. Matter of fact, I guess she said some smart shit to Soso in the bathroom on NoC and Big Dog wasn’t having it.

Jey: He’s apparently planning to pay her a lil visit….with Nia.

Naomi: Oh my god, is he finally gonna let Nia kill her?

Jimmy: Naw, just fuck her up real good, I think.

Naomi: Damn.

Bayley: That’s wild for him to cut her off like that after all this time. Def sounds like he likes Solana to me too…..

Jey: Ya’ll really think he about to admit that shit though?

Naomi: No more than she is. He’s stubborn, and she’s so insecure.

Jimmy: Ya’ll thinking what I’m thinking? 👀

*Jimmy changed the group chat name to Operation RoSo*

Naomi: Bae, what is this damn title?

Jimmy: It’s our latest covert operation. We gotta get Roman and Soso to admit they like each other!

Jey: And just how the hell is we supposed to do that? Like Bay said, Uce is an ass sometimes.

Bayley: All the time unless you’re Solana….

Naomi: I mean, not to be vain, but if you look like Roman, you can kinda get away with being an ass. To some extent.

Bayley: You’re not wrong. He is gorgeous. 😮‍💨

Jimmy: He alright, I guess. His ears kinda big.

Naomi: Bae, I love you, but let’s not lie. Your cousin is an asshole, yes, but he’s also fine as hell.

Bayley: That’s not the only thing said to be big…..

Naomi: Girl….

Bayley: They can’t all be lying.

Jey: ANYWAYS!

Jey: What if they’re coming together at they own pace and we should just leave shit alone? 

Jimmy: 😐

Jimmy: That’s about the dumbest fucking thing I done heard all day. What next you gon say, huh? That they just magically gon fall in love on their own too? No! They clearly need our help!

Naomi: Maybe less help and more a shove in the right direction?

Bayley: A gentle push!

Naomi: Yes!

Jey: All I know is if shit backfires, I’m not taking the heat for none of ya’ll asses. Ya’ll gon have to deal with Big Dog.

Jimmy: Then we’ll just put Solana in front of us. He can’t hurt us then!

Jimmy: See…..I’m smart with this shit. That’s why Imma be the brains of this operation.

________

“What do you mean she’s drunk?”

Roman’s night suddenly went from uneventful and quiet, his preference, to unexpected and infuriating, all with a walk from upstairs to downstairs where he finds Solana awkwardly standing in the living room. Bayley and Naomi wait at the bottom of the steps with nervous expressions.

Good.

They should be scared shitless, because one glance at Solana, the gloss over her eyes, and he can tell she’s all but wasted. 

“You were supposed to be watching her.” Roman is fucking irritated. He knew it was a bad idea to leave these two in charge of Solana.

Bayley, however, seems unbothered by his anger. “She’s not a child, Roman. Were we supposed to stop her from drinking too? We had no idea she asked for something stronger.”

It’s an excuse, and Roman doesn’t do excuses. “What happened?”

Naomi answers this time around. “We don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” One. They’re lying, and Roman hates liars. Two. They’re lying, and Roman has literally killed people for less. Three. They’re lying, and he wants to know why. “You’ve both got less than a minute to give me the truth—”

“Look, we talked about some things, and we promised to keep it between the three of us, so I’m not telling you what exactly it was, but I can tell you she’s not in danger.” Bayley is smart. She must know that he’d literally torture the information out of her if it had anything to do with Solana’s safety. 

“It was just…some stuff about her past. I think it may have been too much, and she decided to get drunk to not think about it.” Naomi’s suggestion makes sense and pans out, but Roman can’t stop thinking about just what she shared with them. 

Was it the rape? But why? He remembers her terror in the locker room that day, the fear and pain in her eyes and voice as she pleaded with him to not make her talk about it. It doesn’t make sense why she would suddenly share it.

Even with how close she seems to them.

“Just leave.”

Roman will deal with them later. Right now, his priority is getting Solana settled.

They seem to know better than to push his patience, asking that he at least keep them updated on how she’s doing in the morning.

He neither agrees or disagrees. It’ll heavily depend on how fucked up Solana is. 

Once they’re gone, Roman walks into the living room to find her laid on the sofa, eyes glazed over from her drunkenness but that same beautiful smile on her just as beautiful face.

“Solana.” She’s so gone that it makes him wonder even more again just how upset she must have been. “I need to get you to bed.”

He needs sleep too, feeling the length and weight of the day starting to take a toll.

She’s protesting almost right away. “I’m not t–tired.”

“Maybe not, but you will be tomorrow.” Roman knows she’s in for one hell of a hangover.

“I don’t—I don’t want to sleep.” She’s almost pouting, brows caved together as she stumbles through more words. Solana suddenly stands up, and he naturally moves closer to her, noticing the almost sway she does onto the floor. “I just—have bad dreams and—and you’re just—just gonna leave once I sleep anyw—way.”

“What do you mean by that?” He asks. Getting answers from a drunk person usually isn’t the best or smartest thing in the world, but something tells Roman that Solana is the type of drunk person who ends up spilling secrets. And he’s certain there’s a lot she’s probably still keeping in.

She then issues an unexpected accusation. “You—you’re—you’re gonna go be with Samantha—that’s who you want.”

Roman finds her question slightly ironic considering he’s been letting Samantha think she got away with whatever disrespectful shit she said to Solana on the Night of Champions. He’s letting her think she’s safe and waiting for the right moment to set her ass straight, Nia tagging along to deliver the physical message he can’t.

“Af–after all.” Solana continues, surprising him with her openness that’s most definitely fueled by her inebriation. “Why—why would you want me?” She points to herself, voice taking on a softer, vulnerable tone. “Why—why would anyone want me?”

He’s silent for a good minute, sitting on such a heavy question. “Is that really what you think?” It’s asked in a low voice, and he’s not entirely sure if it’s more him thinking aloud or if he genuinely wants to know if that is how she really views herself. 

She shakes her head, nodding in a way that further signifies how drunk she is. “It’s like you said, I’m mentally u–unstable.”

For a second, Roman’s confused, but he quickly thinks back to their wedding night, to his hurtful words to her. Words he’d give anything to take back now. 

With an almost frown, he acknowledges his fault. “I was wrong to say that to you, Solana. You are not that.” Truthfully, with all she’s been through, even if she was, he couldn’t fault her.

With a family like hers, she never had a fucking chance.

Solana seems almost confused by his apology, taking him back with the next thing that leaves her mouth. “Is it—is it true you—you said my name when you were with S—samantha?”

He definitely wasn’t expecting that, has no idea how she even knows that. Is that what Samantha told her in the bathroom? Why would she? It does nothing to make her look good. Regardless, drunk or not, Roman sticks with his word that he won’t lie to her.

“Yes.”

Even drunk, he can tell how shocked she is by his admission. Shaking her head, she says either to herself or him—he can’t really tell. “I—I don’t get it.” Before he can say anything else, she starts on this train of self-hatred. “She’s pretty and—and—skinny and—she’s not—broken like me.”

That does something to him, Roman moving closer to bring one hand to the small of her back and the other to her face. “You’re not broken, Solana.”

“Yes–yes, I am. You don’t—you don’t know what—what happened to me.” Her bottom lip trembles as she shakes her head, hands on his chest. “I can’t—I can’t do what—what she does—can’t—give you t–that.”

He shifts his hand to the back of her head, forcing her blurry gaze to stay on him. “Baby….” It tears him the fuck up hearing her acknowledge the lingering trauma he’s certain she’ll always carry to some extent, but even more to hear how lowly she really thinks of herself. “I don’t—”

“I can’t—I can’t because—” Her voice cracks, her eyes focused everywhere but him as she almost comes to this heartbreaking realization that her drunkenness briefly helped her escape these thoughts that have now returned. “—b–because they r–raped me, and now I don’t—I don’t know how—how to be with anyone.” She gasps and sniffles, shaking her head. “I should—should have f–fought h-harder—”

“Don’t you ever fucking say that, you hear me?” Roman’s voice somehow contains all the conviction yet gentleness he can muster. Hearing her even think that makes him feel something he can’t fully describe. It’s heavy as fuck though. “You were a child, Solana. It wasn’t your fault.”

“You were a kid.” He has to say it again, because that’s the hardest part in all of this, knowing how young she was. “You should have been protected, and you weren’t, and I’m going to make sure every son of a bitch involved in what happened to you pays for that shit. I promise you that. The same way that I promise with my life, I’ll never let anyone ever hurt you again.”

She’s clearly taken back by his words, by his vow. “I don’t—I don’t—understand w–why? Why—why would you do that?”

Roman isn’t sure he has an answer for that specifically, but he does have something else he can provide her, a small part of him knowing, hoping maybe, there’s very little from tonight she remembers come tomorrow morning. 

“Because someone needs to protect you.” Roman swallows, adding before he even realizes what he’s saying. “Because I don’t want Samantha.” He brushes his thumb over her cheek, intentionally wiping her tears. “I want you.”

And suddenly, it’s so much easier to say it aloud, to voice to her what he still doesn’t entirely understand, why he feels drawn to her in ways he doesn’t understand. There’s a connection almost, a connection of mutual loss that’s formed some sort of bridge Roman is unsure just when he started crossing 

She looks more stunned at his admission than anything else he’s ever said to her. Still, she seems to try to discredit him. “But—but she—”

“She’s not you.” His voice unintentionally softens. “No one’s like you.”

Selfishly, he hopes she doesn’t remember much or any of this conversation, less painful for her, more time for him to figure out what it is about this woman that he feels so deeply drawn to.

Again, she tries to downplay her worth. “I can’t—I can’t—give you what you need.”

And somehow he knows exactly what she means. What she’s referring to.

“I don’t need that from you.” Truth be told, he doesn’t want to need anything from her. Needing anything in general has never been his thing. He just knows that, for some reason, he wants her around.

He likes having her around him. 

She’s blinking again and places her hand against her head, sharing, “my h–head hurts.” It’s not an intentional deflection, he’s certain, but it’s appreciated.

This is a much deeper conversation than he anticipated having tonight.

“You need to get to bed. The sooner you can start sleeping this off, the better.” He eyes her skeptically, asking, “can you walk?”

He should have already known the answer, because the minute she tries to pull away from him to walk, she sways almost immediately, Roman going right back to holding her. “Come here.” He expects her to tense up as he moves to lift her up bridal style, but she doesn’t. She just continues to look confused, clearly overwhelmed with all of her emotions. 

Roman doesn’t say anything as he carries her up the stairs and doesn’t think twice about taking her to his room instead of hers. 

He needs to monitor her tonight, and that’s easier done with her in his room.

She looks around still confused but doesn’t say anything as Roman lowers her down on the edge of his bed. Naturally, he’s on one knee before her.

“I’m gonna take these off.” He refers to her heels which could largely be a contributing factor for her to inability to walk. She nods, and he quickly unstraps and tosses the heels to the side. “Do you want to change?”

She nods and then adds, “I don’t have—my clothes….”

Roman is at his dresser, pulling out a shirt that he reaches to her. “You can wear this for tonight.”

She accepts it from him, turning to walk to the bathroom, Roman relieved to see the removal of her heels helps her to at least make it without falling.

While she’s changing, he heads back downstairs to get Dulce.

He knows she’s used to sleeping with Solana and will probably throw a fit or spend the night crying if that doesn’t happen, so a small sacrifice is made as he also brings up Dulce’s bed from the living room and places it on the side of his bed.

One night of her sleeping in his room won’t kill him.

It’s then that Solana walks out the bathroom, changed out of her dress and her face free from the makeup. 

“I washed my face….hope that was o–okay.”

“It’s fine, Solana.” Roman is half expecting to have to instruct her to lay down, but she again stays with the theme of surprises tonight and walks over to the bed, pulling back the covers and climbing in. 

He’s again ready to explain that he’ll be in the guest room across the hall but will be available if she needs anything. He’ll still be checking in on her occasionally, regardless.

But, before he can explain as such, she asks in the softest, most vulnerable voice, “will you lay with me?”

It’s an extremely unexpected question with an easy answer.

Roman’s answer is to move into the bed with her, half expecting her to freak out in one way or another. This close proximity is so unlike her, a complete contrast to what she’s usually comfortable with.

However, what he doesn’t expect is the way Solana moves her body close against his, pressing herself into his side, arm over his stomach and head on his chest.

In a switching of roles, Roman is the one to initially tense. This is more physical contact than they’ve ever had, and there’s not a doubt in his mind that if not for the alcohol in her system, she’d have a fucking meltdown touching him this much.

But in her drunken, highly intoxicated state, that’s not an issue. She wants to be close to him, wants to be pressed up against him. 

She’s looking for comfort.

And truthfully, he wants it too. Roman likes the feel of her next to him, actually uses his other arm to tug her closer, noticing how she adjusts her head on his chest.

Her hand is planted against his chest, and he starts to tell her to rest, to encourage her to sleep this off. But, she once again beats him to it, asking yet another question. 

“Why—why are you doing this?”

To be fair, Roman only answers her truthfully because he’s betting on her being so close to the edge of sleep that the chances of her remembering this rare shred of vulnerability are slim to none.

“Because—because I know what it’s like to not have anyone.” There’s a sense of hesitation and discomfort as he verbalizes what he’s never once openly discussed with anyone. “Because I didn’t just lose my mom when I was ten. I lost my entire family. My parents. My aunt. My uncle. And all of my siblings. I—I was the only one who made it out alive that night, and I spent years not knowing why, why I was left alone.”

Roman doesn’t want sympathy, doesn’t want people feeling fucking sorry for him. He never has. But the way Solana lifts her head to look at him is a look of something else, something that likens understanding and compassion.

The latter of which is almost an unfamiliar concept. 

“I didn’t—I’m sorry.” She lays her head back against his chest, moving even closer. She then murmurs into him, almost reassuringly, “you don’t—you don’t have to be alone anymore.”

Roman doesn't know what to say to that, so he doesn’t.

He says nothing.

________

Waking up in Roman’s bed wearing only his shirt is the last thing Solana expects along with the fact that the minute her eyes open, she’s hit with instant throbbing of her head.

She winces, confused about so many things as she forces herself to sit up, mind immediately wandering to a single question.

Where is Roman?

Her question is easily answered when she spots the notebook on his nightstand. She reaches for it, squinted eyes reading over his words.

Solana,

I’m sorry I had to leave. I have a meeting with the Elders I, unfortunately, can’t miss. I’ll be back right after.

If not for that, I would have stayed with you.

You most likely won’t remember last night, but you got drunk. Very. You’re gonna wake up with a nasty hangover. Take the Aspirin. It’ll help. 

I gave Dulce her breakfast and took her outside. She should be fine. 

I also let your job know you’re not coming in today.

Rest.

Roman

There’s so much to process in such a straightforward letter. What did he mean by stay with her? Did—did they sleep in the same bed? 

For some reason, that’s not as anxiety inducing as she imagined it would be. She doesn’t know the why or how, but it doesn't bring that heavy weight on her chest.

The drunk part triggers brief memories of the night prior. Bayley and Naomi. The celebration. Dancing. Fun. Happiness.

A switch.

At some point in the night, her mood shifted into something else. Solana remembers asking for a drink, but she doesn’t remember much after that. Glimpses. An almost sympathetic look from Roman. His arms around her. Him holding her.

It makes for a confusing story she doesn’t really have the wherewithal to deal with. She instead reaches over and swallows the Aspirin. 

And she goes right back to sleep.

________

Roman finds himself completely bypassing his office, clearing his schedule, and moving his phone’s status to Do Not Disturb.

He’s not in the mood to deal with any of that shit today. At least not for a couple more hours. He needs to make sure Solana is situated first. 

Thinking about her resurfaces his earlier level of anger at how the meeting with the Elders ended.

“What of the girl?”

This was the part of the hour meeting that caught his attention the most. Everything else was trivial and, in his opinion, a waste of time. But, it’s when Elder Aleki brings up Solana that Roman’s focus is recentered.

“What about her?”

He’s not stupid. Far from it. Roman knows exactly where this is headed. It was partially expected. What he didn’t expect was the anger that’s already brewing at just how Solana was referred to as ‘the girl.’

Aleki is bold with his questioning, jumping straight to the point. “Is she still not pregnant yet? It’s been almost four months.”

Roman’s jaw clenches, and he finds himself squeezing the armrest of his chair as he does his best to keep his voice somewhat subdued. “I’m aware of how long it’s been.”

Another elder, Sione, decides to join in on this conversation that Roman is about to shut down in less than a minute. “Perhaps she should have another medical evaluation. By one of our doctors—”

“The hell she will.”

Rikishi shoots Roman a warning look, quietly, muttering an equally pleading, “language, Uce.”

Roman straight up ignores him. Rikishi still adheres to those outdated traditions that just because someone has more years on this earth than you that they automatically deserve respect. Fuck that. Roman gives respect when it’s earned, and Aleki and Sione have been on his shit list for years.

He’ll never forgive them for their behavior after the death of his family, their questioning of Roman’s birthright to the throne.

Aleki releases a heavy sigh, and Roman has to restrain himself from not bashing the old man’s head into the table. “All we’re saying is if she is incapable of producing a child to continue the Bloodline, then we have no use for her and should seek to find you a better—”

That’s when Roman has enough. To suggest Solana be examined again. which would no doubt be triggering as fuck for her, is one thing. But, it’s an entirely different thing for them to have the unmitigated gall to suggest he get rid of her.

Over his dead fucking body.

Roman shoots up from the chair. “My wife isn’t going anywhere nor is anyone at this fucking table going to make her do shit.”

Rikishi shoots more than just his subtle warning this time around. “Roman, please—”

Roman’s not trying to hear that shit from him, though. He’s not trying to hear shit from anyone. 

“Our marriage is nobody’s fucking business but our own. That includes when she gets pregnant. We’ll share it when we want to.”

Truthfully speaking, this isn’t something Roman has thought much about, an intentional thing. The fact that the marriage was originally and solely arranged so that she could give him an heir is irrelevant to him right now, regardless of what they think.

That’s not a priority. 

“You may be the Elders, but I sit at the head of the table.” The Bloodline has always been successful and profitable, but it’s no doubt exceeded any and all records and expectations since Roman became the head. That’s an indisputable fact. “Don’t fucking forget who made this table what it is today.”

The ending of the meeting is still playing in the back of his head like a bad song on repeat. If not for his semi level of respect and acknowledgement of their standing as Elders, he would have put a bullet in their heads the minute that disrespectful shit started leaving their mouths.

In no fucking universe is anyone taking Solana from him. He doesn’t give a flying fuck whatever the original reason was for their marriage. She’s his now, and nothing is changing that. 

Roman makes active efforts to calm himself before walking back into the house. After last night, the last thing she needs is to be unintentionally triggered. 

He finds her on the sofa, writing in her journal, Dulce right beside her sleeping peacefully without a care in the fucking world. Roman halfway expected her to be out back on the patio, a seemingly favorite spot of hers.

But the sunlight would no doubt exacerbate the remnants of her hangover he’s certain she’s still battling, so it makes sense she’s indoors. It’s when she looks up, noticing his presence that Roman also realizes she’s still only wearing his shirt. 

For some strange reason, he likes that. Likes seeing her in his clothes.

“Hey…”

“Hey.” Roman sits on the sofa opposite from her. He takes her in, watching her set her journal to the side and as he notices her hair is pulled up. “How you feeling?”

She shrugs, making a face that suggests some level of discomfort. “My head still kinda hurts, but I guess—that’s to be expected.” He starts to ask her if she’s drunk enough water, recognizing the importance of staying hydrated a night after heavy drinking, but she’s suddenly pleading with him almost. “Please don’t be upset with Bayley and Naomi. It’s not their fault.”

To be fair, he hadn’t thought about them until now. “They were supposed to watch you.”

“They did. I—I got back fine.” She seems almost worried for them, for their safety. He would never actually kill either woman. He’ll just probably never trust them to take Solana out again in life. But no murder would actually happen. Still, it’s the part where Solana says she got back fine that irks him. He does his best to mask that irritation though. 

“You weren’t fine last night, Solana.” She was far from it, more emotional than he’s seen her in some time, if ever. 

Her shoulders drop, almost in shame. “I don’t—I don’t remember much of it.”

He’s thankful for that. For the both of them. “You were upset.” It’s not a lie nor is it specific. It’s just the truth. 

She then asks with almost hesitant curiosity. “W–what did I say?”

Roman shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter.” He doesn’t like being dismissive towards her, doesn’t like being dishonest, something he swore he wouldn’t do. But, she was an emotional wreck last night, and the last thing he wants is for her to go through all of those emotions yet again.

He doesn’t like seeing her upset.

But then she looks at him, studying him almost, a sad, almost tearful chuckle leaving her mouth. He watches as she brings her legs up to her chest and rests her chin against her knees. She asks, volume barely over a whisper, “I told you last night, didn’t I?” Roman realizes it’s less a question and more a heavy realization. “That—that I was raped. Didn’t I?”

It’s a bit of a lose–lose situation. Either he tells her no and risks her feeling bad for sharing something she didn’t have to or he confirms what she already knows and still feels not great.

They’re both shitty options, but he ultimately goes the route of honesty. “Yes.”

“It’s weird. I—” She looks away, eyes shutting for a minute before she unexpectedly explains, “I’ve been—I’ve been working out of this book for people who were…assaulted like me, and I’m–at the part where its recommended I tell at least one person because—because it’s not healthy to keep it to myself.” 

Roman knows exactly what book she’s talking about. It was the key that led to him figuring out just what happened to her. That still fucks with him. Still makes him fill with silent rage at her piece of shit family letting that happen to her. 

“You’re now the first person I’ve ever told.” Roman hates that even more.. Hates that someone like him is who she ended up breaking her silence with. He wishes it was either Bayley or Naomi. They’re much better at this sort of thing. The feelings thing. “I don’t—I don’t like talking about it.”

“You don’t have to.” He isn’t sure he’d be able to control his anger hearing details, hearing anything about it to be honest, not coming from her. His rage would be intractable. 

She nods, almost appreciatively. “That's why sex is—it’s hard for me.” He fully understands that, and a small part of him hates how he tried to initiate that with her on their wedding night. He figured her nerves were because of her naturally anxious personality. Never once did it cross his mind that it was because of something much darker. “And it’s not—it’s not like I don’t think about it sometimes, about being close to someone like that, I do.” This piece does surprise him, but he works hard not to think too much about it right now. He wants to be in this moment with her. “ I—I have. But, every time I try, I just—I get flashbacks, and I can’t.” She ends on an almost whisper, Roman’s stomach tightening as she quickly wipes at a tear. 

He doesn’t like seeing her cry. 

“You don’t owe me an explanation, Solana.” Not him or anyone else, for that matter. 

She doesn’t say anything for a good minute before asking, “what happens now?”

That’s a great fucking question, and he almost has the same towards a lot of things. He’s curious though what she’s specifically referring to. “What do you mean?”

Solana seems almost frightened as she asks, “are you—are you gonna send me back to my father?” 

Yeah, he could have never in a million years guessed that. “Why would you ever think I would do that?”

And he suddenly hates asking, hates seeing the way the emotion builds back up. “I’m not—not a virgin, and—” Her eyes close, her grip around her legs tightening. “You….you only married me because—”

“I don’t care about that.” This is his second time today having to face some level of this discussion, but this round is significantly gentler. Roman does his best to illustrate the conviction in his voice while also being mindful of her emotions. “What do you want, Solana?”

He has no idea what she’s going to say, but he does know for a fact he would never send her back to that hellhole. It would be like sending her to her own death. 

She seems to really think about his question, think about something he’s certain she’s never had a lot of. 

Options. 

Finally, after what feels like hours, she answers. “I want to stay here.” Roman’s unsure why he feels a small sense of relief at her answer, like anything other than that would have made him uncomfortable or upset. Solana wets her lips, continuing, “I like—I like living here.” And in an even smaller voice, she adds, “I like being with you.”

He doesn’t say anything, and neither does she. Roman is certain it’s because they’re both trying to process and register what this may mean, what this new piece of information means for them moving forward. 

Roman sits forward and motions with his index and middle finger. “Come here.”

He sees it instantly. The initial hesitation, the brief flash of fear, but it’s gone before he can offer reassurance. Solana lowers her legs and walks over to him, Dulce remaining sleeping and unmoving. Not once does Roman remove his gaze from her as he takes her hand, giving a gentle tug to guide her down on the sofa next to him. He slides his arm behind her, holding her body against him, his tattooed forearm across her stomach.

Roman watches the way her eyes close, recognizes that she’s trying to manage her emotions. He sees the little nod she gives herself, as if assuring herself that she’s safe. And he swears he sees her mouth as such.

Mouth the word ‘safe.’

Solana moves her hands to his forearm, as if holding onto him for some sense of comfort. 

He does his best to reassure her. “Relax…”And it seems to do something to help her, offering such a simple yet strong form of solace. “I’d never send you back there. Ever.” And that’s a fucking promise. “You’ll stay here. With me.”

“I’m—” Her voice is less emotional than before. It’s still there, but he can tell it's waning with each second that passes, her comfort level growing. “I’m supposed to give you an heir. What if—what if people start—”

“I’ll take care of it.” And he will. He already started with the Elders earlier today, but she doesn’t need to know that. 

She angles her head up to look at him. “But—” 

Roman brings his hand to her face, gently palming her cheek. “I’ll take care of it.” He moves his thumb over the apple of her cheek and part of her scar. “Alright?”

Solana nods with her acknowledgement but says nothing else as she lays back against him. He notices the absence of tension and discomfort. She’s fully relaxed against him, and Roman acts more out of instinct than anything as he presses lips against her temple for a brief kiss, still mindful of her comfort level. “I’ve got you…”

Everything happening in the past few minutes has been both unexpected and confusing, but there’s nothing confusing about the way Solana suddenly turns her body into him, laying her head on his chest. He watches her eyes close, signifying another layer of fear being peeled back. 

He sits there for who knows how long with her, holding her, noticing the slight rise and fall of her body against his, a sign that she’s fallen asleep. He lets her sleep, lets her rest, lets her stay close to him, under him, with him.

Roman thinks back on his question to her about what she wanted. He’s not sure what he would have said if she said she wanted to leave, because the truth of the matter is that Roman’s starting to think that he couldn’t let her go.

That he can’t.

Even if she wanted to leave. 

[dailyadventureprompts]

DM Tip: The Trouble With Treasure/ An Alternate Wealth System

If you’re a player or dungeonmaster who’s at all interested in game design you might’ve noticed D&D’s treasure and economy systems suck. You also might have noticed even if you’re not interested in game design, because the longer you play d&d the more it becomes glaringly obvious that the game doesn’t actually HAVE a treasure and economy system despite pretending otherwise.  This is a major problem given that seeking riches is one of the default adventuring motivations, and largely stems from the fact that back in ye-olden days gold was directly related to experience points, so wealth accrued exponentially in line with the increasing cost of levelling up. This is why magic items cost to damn much despite being not only a staple of the genre but absolutely necessary to the long-term viability of certain classes (as I discuss here in my post about gear as class features).  

After being cut lose however, nothing was really DONE with gold in d&d from a gameplay perspective: Treasure generation largely fell to dm discretion or random tables, and the useful things a party could buy steadily shrunk to the point where characters could be stuck with their starting equipment for an entire campaign.  “Too much gold and nothing to spend it on” became one of the major criticisms of d&d 5e, but only touched on the problem that without something worthwhile to spend treasure on the party has less and less reason to venture into the dangerous unknown, take dodgy contracts, or perform any of a half dozen other plot beats that make up traditional adventuring.

 The system likewise breaks down once you pass a certain threshold of wealth, or once you try to model larger economic activities: divvying up a lockbox full of dungeon plunder to reequip your heroes before launching out on the next mission works great for the first couple of levels, but completely falls apart when you're dealing common enough story tropes such as running a business, transporting cargo as merchants, or caring for the estates around a castle.

What I propose is splitting d&d’s economy into two halves: Wealth, which represents the piles of GP and other coins the party carries with them, and Resources, more abstract points which chart how plugged in the party is to local systems of production, trade, and patronage.

If you’d like an explanation of how these systems work, and how they can improve your game like they improved mine, I’ll explain both of these mechanics in detail below the cut, as well as subsystems that let your party open businesses, operate estates, build castles, and make a living as merchants.

Wealth:  I wanted to limit the amount of money my players kept with them without instituting an encumbrance system that might drag things down. Instead I wanted to rely on a more “common sense” method of tracking wealth, and get them thinking about their stores of gold as a physical object rather than a nebulous point pool they can dip into.

Conveniently, every character starts play with a coin pouch, which can hold up to 300gp (about 6 pounds). I use this as a “soft cap” for how much money a character can be expected to be carrying around with them, not including jewellery or small valuables like gems.

Theoretically a person could have more than one coin pouch, carry their wealth around with them in a chest (15,000gp) or a cartoon sack with a dollar sign on it (1500gp), but this becomes increasingly cumbersome and provides a greater and greater chance that the party will be targeted by thieves. I don’t need to add any more mechanical crunch to this factor, I just inform the party “ hey, you look like you’re carrying a lot of money, better be careful going forward” and plan my encounters accordingly.

Instituting this cap likewise prevents gold from losing all meaning once the party is high enough level to have found their second or third treasure hoard. Sure, they might be living it up in an aristocratic lifestyle back home, but when it comes to set out into the wilderness they suddenly have to think of GP as a resource along with spellslots and hitdie. Getting robbed, forced to give bribes, or simply losing their coin pouch suddenly becomes an actual threat to them regardless of level.

Resources:  The party has a pool refereed to as resources, representing their holdings, relationships with patrons, and personal enterprise. The party’s total resources are pooled, and are represented on a scale from 1-50.

Every week, provided they have contract with their economic network, each member of the party party receives earnings equal to 12.5 gp x (the party’s total resources) representing them drawing a living from the connections they’ve already made (working a trade, doing odd jobs, getting payouts from investments) 

In order to obtain a new level of wealth, the party must either invest 500gp per point of wealth they which to obtain into a new or ongoing business project (either their own, or that of a trusted contact).  Alternatively, the party can get their resource pool boosted by forming agreements with tradesfolk or wealthy patrons, who may grant the party such agreements out of friendship or as part of a reward for doing quests. Resources are recorded with a number beside them, representing how much of the party’s total resource pool they represent. This is so that if something happens to jeopardize that resource, the party knows exactly how much of their earnings are up in the air.

For example, a party that saves a merchant captain from pirates early on in their adventures might be rewarded with a share of her ship’s takings, gaining 1 point of resources. In the future, they may pour some of their adventuring loot into her business, increasing their total amount of holdings with her to 6, and their weekly payout to 75gp. If that captain and her ship were then lost in a storm, those resources would be frozen, halting the party’s payouts and encouraging them to discover just what it was happened to their friend as the base of a new adventurehook. 

Buying against Resources:  D&D is weird in that it prices magic items, ships and castles like they can be bought off the rack, when in any pre-industrial society most “new” things would have to be constructed from scratch with labours and artisans paid a steady amount over months or years until the thing was complete and then delivering it directly into the hands of the one who commissioned them. Sure a weaponsmith or apothecary would likely have a storeroom full of items to sell to clients walking in off the street, but shipyards aren't spending years churning out galleys to leave them waiting for a buyer like a used car lot.

Because plenty of games involve at least a section where a party might establish a fortress,  fix up a ruined estate, or commission a magical artifact, it helps to have a guideline:  Find the base price of the item, chop it in half if the party or one of their business contacts can source the resources (or if they’re fixing something that’s broken) Next they need to pay for labour, “reserving” points out of their own resource pool to hire on workers and supplementary materials, divide the item’s price by (500x the number of resource points the party is willing to spend) to find how many months it’ll take for the item to be finished. Note that during this time, the party’s effective resource score is reduced by the amount they’ve reserved. This makes it possible for a mid level party to start refurbishing their dream castle early, rather than having it simply poof into existence once they’re too high level to really get use out of it.

Ongoing Services: Rather than worry about keeping track of hirelings, or a number of other factors, I let my party reserve points off their resource pool indefinitly to retain the services of NPCs. Each “holding” the party has (buisness, ship, estate) likewise requires one resource kept in reservation for general maintenance, unless the party want to take a month off and maintain it themselves.

A party that owned a tavern then might reserve one resource to maintain their establishment , another to pay for the staff, and begin to think about hiring on some guards for a third as something is causing fights to break out more frequently.

Another party which owned a pirate ship, they’d reserve one resource to maintain the ship, another to pay the crew, and a third to bribe the harbormaster who looks the other way when they bring unsanctioned goods into harbor. After hearing about their big score however, their corrupt contact asks for yet another resource worth of bribes, potentially stretching the party’s resources a bit thin.

Using Resources to be a merchant:  If pirates come up often in this post it’s because I drove myself half mad several years ago trying to run a skyship campaign, and the logistics of hullspace v supplies v the staggering price of trade goods v market demand drove me up the wall. I lacked a simple system that would let my party FEEL like they were high-risk traders without having to slow the game down with accounting. Here’s my Alternative: there’s a special type of resource called “goods” connected to caravans and trade vessels, which can be expanded like any other. At the end of every month who’s ever in charge of that venture (Player or npc) makes a mercantilism roll ( possibly charisma, possibly wisdom, + some relevant proficiency) for each of those goods based against a DC set by the dm regarding how good trade is doing in that region.  If it’s a success, the markets are flowing, and the goods rating goes up by 1. If it’s a failure, they go nowhere, as no profit is made. If they fail by 10 or more, those goods loose one point due to bad investment, and if they succeed by 10 or more, the goods double. When the party receives their payment, they can chose to cash out for 500gp per point of good, possibly then reinvesting in the venture.

[thetoaddaddy]

I dont think i ever really explained why I like the idea of Jiraiya living a more troubled/neglected childhood. Honestly I just like the juxtaposition of the rich girl from the most influential family, the tragic orphan full of resentment, and the white trash hick from the slums.

Have I hooked you? Long sorta in this essay I will type of explanation of my reasoning post. Trimmed so you don’t have to suffer through scrolling a big long post unless you volunteer to it. And I welcome reblogs with your own thoughts added to it or comments. I like having these kinds of discussions.

It makes for a fun dynamic and puts together three very different social classes that make up the Sannin and the most common 3 classes of society. Tsunade has everything from money, social status and livin in the rich how dare the neighbours put up an extra twinkle light we’re contacting the police neighbourhood. Orochimaru lost his family but lives fairly okay being a ward of the Hokage/state plus as a genius kid with potential to end the war with his big fucken brain and lack of empathy he would most likely be treated more special. Jiraiya hiding his money in the floorboards of his room cuz he knows his parents will steal it to buy into their addictions and he’s well aware no one really expects him to be nothing more than a failure.

Plus we don’t have any characters who have a troubled relationship with their parents in this way. Yeah we got dead parents and asshole cold distant rich clan expectations parent tropes. But not too much on poor and abusive. Which is weird cuz its pretty common to be low income with some garbage parents. (Not to say that’s the case all the time of course) Nor do we see much for alcoholism or similar addictions just ruining a family. The most he ever speaks about his parents in canon is that they were civilians. Kinda cold imo. Like I get that most likely kishi figured no one cares that much from where Jiraiya came from but that throw away line had me thinking and this headcanon came out.

So it’s pretty poetic that Jiraiya grew up full Glass Castle from a nothing neglectful civilian family and made something of himself with his own determination rather than being crutched with clan powers or high blood relations. He’s a nobody who proved people wrong and grew beyond his upbringing. His life we see on screen has always been pretty born under an unlucky star/he had to claw his way for anything he’s wanted and nothing was ever given to him. So it makes sense to me anyways that his early life was just as claw his way out from falling off the face of the earth. He could have just picked the easy way and not rise above being some drunk gutter rat that is just a direct product of his upbringing. But he focused on trying to get out rather than keep the cycle going. He picked the academy and proved he was not just above the curve but the grit he already had from surviving his broken home made for a determined courageous motherfucker. With that he became rich and renowned. All on his own.

I think that gives him more interesting motivation than the canon basically being ‘on my quest for pussy brb🏃‍♂️’ Like damn can we please uncreepy him kishi i stg. And I like to ignore his railroaded prophecy ass I must find my destiny stuff. That ruins his accomplishments. Honestly as a fairly empathetic person who grew up poor and hungry why wouldn’t he take pity on three war orphans and try to do good by them where he was never given that comfort? It’s far more compelling and interesting story than some crazy old toad told me to do it and I took those words so fucking literally it led the rest of my life.

I like to imagine he’s simply more wayward and never felt satisfied staying put(especially with all the horrible memories Konoha gives him). It also makes more sense for him to have this kind of chip on his shoulder over being some average guy who had an average upbringing. He can handle himself not just in battles but in dealing with the more uncomfortable situations like traveling through poor areas with the know how.

Like he knows how to speak crackhead and the slum folk clock him as one of their own. I wouldn’t call it street cred or anything. He just has the street smarts beyond that of an average person and it shows. Plus in some verses I like to think he travels hoping to find love as well. Can’t find one’s soulmate staying put in a village can they? ;)

Not every character has to be tragic I know. And this is just what I think. You don’t have to agree with me or accept my interpretations. He could have easily just brushed off the subject cuz he keeps people at an arms length. Which he does for the most part.

But I feel like with the Sannin era we were left with such well cooked and seasoned snippets that it became kinda frustrating that the rest was kinda undercooked or plain still in the damn deep freeze. So we get brain zoomies and try to fill in the big ass gaps. I want to know how three of the most interesting and important ninja of the shinobi world grew up. It’s fun to imagine and make these types of interpretations. Even if it is answered one day in a mini series or a book, I’ll still probably prefer what I and my moots cooked up. Cuz honestly we put more care and deep thought into these characters than kishi does at this point 😭

[inkstainedhandswithrings]

TBB s3 ep4 Thoughts!!!

Oooohh starting off strong

Omega immediately wanting to go back because “it’s right”

Crosshair wanting to keep moving, not because he’s scared of going back but because he understands that he can’t help anyone if he’s dead

Ah there he is. The bitch. The Hemcock.

I wanna say Nala Sa deserves to be in prison but idk I’m starting to feel for her

Pretty sure she won’t survive the season though

IM SORRY THAT SHOT WHERE THE COAT IS HANGING OVER THAT POWER LINE???

is that,,,, a reference to yanno,,, shoes hanging from a power line?

hahahahahahah poncho stormtroopers

“You’re the one who wanted to bring… the hound.”

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

YOUR HONOUR I LOVE THEM

best duo this show has given us

If Hunter was the hesitant but willing dad, Crosshair is the exasperated older brother that was forced to bring his younger sister to the party he was invited to an now has to spent all night watching her

Ey not cool Omega. Someone was using that jacket to advertise their business

“See, isn’t this better?” “No.” “Ugh.”

HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHA

“I could take out half of them before they even know what happened” 😳😳

Yeah, I believe you sir

Damn fuck how many more clone crushes will I have to be burdened with

Jesus Christ

“That went well” “Stow it”

THEM

YOUR HONOUR

THEM!!!

Scottish Robot ahhahahahahaha

Say what you will about Crosshair, when that dude sat down across from Omega he was ready for a FIGHT

big ol’ softie <3

“You or your dad”

Glad Hunter wasn’t there to hear that

Or Crosshair for that matter

Both would’ve blown their cover

Tbh Crosshair makes a fair point about leaving while they can. The planet is filled with Empirials and they are running out of time

But he also hasn’t been part of a team in a while and maybe he’s forgotten some of what that entails too

Either way, loving how “selfless” and “selfish” are meeting in this ep

“I’ll do it your way BUT I WOULD LIKE THE RECORD TO REFECT THAT I DONT WIKE IT!”

Crosshair giving Omega a boost to get over the wall I’m crying

“Shouldn’t we free the other animals too?” “Don’t push it.”

HE IS MY SOULMATE (based on sarcasm. I am vegetarian and I would free those animal friendos in a heartbeat)

The extra head shake and eye roll at that question too, he is already so done I can’t hahahahahahahah

“I hope your take-offs are better than your landings” “we’re about to find out”

Aaaaaaand that just reminded me that Tech was the one who taught her to fly

🥲🥲🥲🥲

That fucking shriek when the stormtrooper got blasted by the engine hahahahahaha

Ohohoh altered batch theme after take off? Okayokayokay I see you👀

Jesus Christ, Crosshair trying to prepare Omega for the very real possibility that Hunter and Wrecker are dead?

Like I know it seems cruel and defeatist but it’s actually kind in a way

Managing expectations in order to save her from a worse fall out

FUCK I THOUGHT I’D HAVE TO WAIT TILL NEXT EPISODE FOR THEM REUNION

JESUS

AAAAAAHHHHH

“We crossed the galaxy four times looking for you”

SIR

I AM QUACKING

why did Hunter’s appearance suddenly piss me off

Like Wrecker had a cute line and Hunter had to walk up like

“Um, five actually”

Like idk it felt like he was taking over the moment (which makes sense because he’s her dad but still it just sounded awkward)

EXCUSE ME??? I BEG YOUR BIGGEST PARDON??

Omega just explained that she only got off that planet AND survived so far thanks to Crosshair and all they can do is look all bitchy butt-hurt

Like I expected this from Hunter but why isn’t Wrecker hugging him?

Bc they went looking for Cross before, I thought we were past the straight up hate?

Love how stoically Cross is taking it though

I have to admit, so far this is one of my all time favourites. The comedic timing, the very real story line, the confrontation of previously opposed characters? Wonderful. But the pièce de résistance? Crosshair’s character description rings true again. “Severe and unyielding” Tech had said. I’ve rambled about this a lot recently, but the boiled down version is that when Crosshair commits to something, he commits all the way. Like how he committed to the Empire so hard that he hunted down his brothers. Or when he finally decided the Empire was a bunch of shitbags and shot officer shitbag (I forget his name) in the face. He has now decided to commit to Omega, for whatever reason. And it shows. Because even when she tells him to go, he’s literally only a minute behind her. He lets her employ her own strategies despite his preference and experience. He’s ready to beat up Captain Dickhead (did they even give him a name?) for sitting down across from her. He tells her to get into the ship first while he lays down cover fire.

Crosshair’s next “severe and unyielding” decision is Omega’s safety. And I couldn’t be more excited to see where it goes!

AND I cannot believe how much I suddenly like his character. I was so disinterested in him for like s1 and maybe 90% of s2 but now I am more interested in what becomes of him than I am in what the deal is with Omega’s M-count.

I’m saying it now. These seasons hyper focuses are: Rex, Echo and Crosshair (in that order) (for now, we’ll see)

Thanks to everyone who sat through that, have a good day/night/whatever, friend!

[sunshinechay]

So i read the first chapter of Pit Babe and it’s honestly not too different from the show so far.

Honestly nothing too outlandish so far. Pretty similar to the show. It’s an enjoyable read so far and the nc scene was fairly well written, even after translation.

The chapter is mostly about Babe and the introduction to his world. The race track is introduced and Way has to explain to a new employee that Babe will be there for the race, he just needs to “relax” first aka have sex. Like the show, Babe ends up rejecting the alpha and doing the race. He meets Charlie in the back after leaving before Way’s race and the usual appeal to Babe by Charlie to borrow his car happens. The locker room nc scene from the show is original. Babe and Charlie do not have sex at the track, rather Babe gives Charlie his condo’s address and Charlie goes there at 10pm (actual time specified in the book) and the two have sex. The chapter ends with Babe telling Charlie that if he wants to borrow Babe’s car then he needs to keep having sex with Babe until Babe is satisfied that it’s worth it to let Charlie borrow the car.

Other chapters: Chap2

These were the thoughts that I wrote down while I was reading, so take of them what you will hahah

Pit Babe chapter 1

-Love that the race tracks had a nickname “The Hollows” makes it sound almost ominous right from the jump

-The race is at 1:30 in the afternoon and I don’t know why I’m surprised by that

-X-Hunter is really just that famous in this racing world. Good to know

-Babe isn’t so much into exhibitionism as he just does not care about getting caught having sex in the locker room. “…getting caught was the least of his worries”

-Babe is already annoyed with his partner before we even join them. The boy apparently keeps calling him Phi which he does not like

-a line is actually “let’s not talk about Omega” according to the translation I’m reading and like sure Jan

-that line is in because Babe can’t relax or concentrate on the sex because of the alpha’s pheromones. The other alpha is apparently young enough that it’s noted he only recently went through puberty but no mention on when that might happen. So I’m guessing the kid is like 18-19? Though Babe isn’t supposed to be much older than that I believe

-dude is literally about to cum and Babe is like “nope can’t stand it, get away from me”

-“your dog’s curse” damn Babe is savage

-for the record, Babe is described in the book as 180cm tall (5ft9) with honey coloured skin and a unique face shape as well as sweet smelling. Usually the sweet smelling one in an omegaverse story is the omega so take from that what you will

-Babe is also very physically affectionate with Way, even kissing his cheek after the race

-Babe leaves before Way’s race. That being said, Way doesn’t seem to have any kind of problem with that. They’re still playful with each other

-Babe is described as having his body be more sensitive than others and it makes him tired more easily which is another reason why he doesn’t want to stay and watch Way’s race. He needs to get away from the crowd. God I feel that so much

-Babe thinks Charlie is a pervert right away, since he covers his face with a mask and sunglasses as well a hat

-Finally mentioned his abilities so that’s nice. Way apparently described them like that of a superheroes. He can see better and notice more than most, his sense of smell is way better, his hearing is better, even his sense of touch is more than most

-Charlie wants to borrow Babe’s car because he doesn’t have one to do the tryouts for. I think the team he wants to join is X-Hunter as a driver

-Charlie says he willing to do anything to be able to borrow Babe’s car and Babe immediately thinks sex

-They don’t actually have sex in the locker room. Babe gives Charlie the address to his apartment and they met up later

-Charlie is apparently 22

-They strike up deal about sex in exchange for borrowing Babe’s car. Charlie is well aware that that is what Babe wants

-Babe is actually conflicted about Charlie’s lack of experience. Charlie’s enthusiasm wins the day though and Babe says he’ll show him what to do

-Babe assumes Charlie has no alternative motives because Charlie has professed to being a fan of his as well as because of his earnest and clumsy attitude

-Charlie thinks Babe smells sweet, like an omega

-Babe doesn’t like Charlie calling him Phi either. Instead he asks Charlie to call him Khun Babe (Mr. Babe)

-…Charlie actually says that if Babe were an omega he would get him pregnant during their first (FIRST) time having sex. He also says a bunch of other stuff that Babe thinks he should have a problem with but Charlie’s dick is too good

-It’s only in the middle of sex that Babe actually notices that Charlie doesn’t have a smell. Only the small scent of body odour, none of the usual alpha pheromones. It makes Babe even more attracted to Charlie

-Chapter finishes with Babe telling Charlie that Charlie has to be his sex partner until Babe thinks it’s worth it to lend him one of his cars

[crystallizedday]

Aight, so

As some of you may know

I have quite a bit of knowledge of Fusionfall & its story, especially its endgame plot points.

You may ALSO know that most of my Fusionfall research is centered around Demongo, an endgame character I absolutely adore.

Well, there’s this minor plot point I’ve conjured a while ago that I thought would’ve been a great addition to the story, help give some important endgame characters some well deserved spotlight, & actually give one of the endgame missions some proper build up.

So

Unlike the rest of Fusionfall, the Darklands does not feature many familiar faces with the exception of four: Samurai Jack & Tetrax in Forsaken Valley, Demongo in Huntor’s Crest, & Cheese in Hero’s Hollow.

Obviously, ONE of those characters stand out against the rest since well

Cheese is not a serious character.

In fact, he’s only there to explain how the heroes lost the battle at Hero’s Hollow.

Which

Is odd to me

Cause the ENTIRE story of Fusionfall builds up the importance of imaginary friends, & how their energies actively work to counteract Lord Fuse’s forces.

After all, the fusion spawns can fuse with any object or copy the DNA of someone to make themselves stronger

So what’s a better way to combat them than through something born from nothing, something that can’t be easily absorbed or mimicked, ie imagination?

It’s a cheesy resolution, but it’s one I very much appreciate, especially since this universe hinges on the imagination of the people who make all these cartoons in the first place.

What I DON’T understand is why there was an imaginary character RIGHT THERE in one of the LAST locations of the game that was not utilized in the final battles against Fuse’s army.

Yes, I know. It’s Cheese. He already cost the battle of Hero’s Hollow.

But it just feels like wasted potential to just

Keep the character there for joke missions & not much else.

But I have a solution to that

& it’s all thanks to our favorite fire demon.

Ya see, there’s this set of missions where you are tasked with destroying these fusion control centers, which are essentially hot spots where Fuse can efficiently communicate with his army.

Samurai Jack guides you through the first three, but for the fourth one, Demongo guides you, planning on making this one a surprise attack that could end the war for good.

He’s clearly done his research as he states how he knows imaginary energy can be used against Fuse’s army, & has called someone harnessing that energy to join in on the fight.

That person being…

>:/

Look

I get it.

Demongo probably thinks Eduardo was the most intimidating of the selection, & that’s why he was chosen

& that all the control center assaults feature characters from all over the map

But like

How would Demongo even convince Eduardo to come to the Darklands, let alone convince Frankie (who is with Eduardo at Foster’s) to let the big guy go to THE most dangerous area in the entire world??

It just doesn’t make sense the more you think about it…

So I have a proposal

What if it was Cheese instead?

Cheese is already like

A 5 minute walk from where Demongo is

& NO ONE at Foster’s would probably object to Cheese joining the fight outside of the concern of the lil guy messing everything up.

& Cheese…

I mean, you play your cards right & Cheese might not even give a damn & go along with this assault.

& that’s when I got an idea…

See

Fusionfall fleshes out Demongo’s character by putting him in a situation where he’s essentially powerless, having to rely on whatever doohickey he can get his hands on to keep his ego intact.

He uses dry ice

To feel spooky,

& has the player fetch him a hibachi so he can look like he still has his pyrokinesis.

It’s adorable in a really REALLY sad way…

So

Since he’s essentially powerless with NO ONE on his side (since no one really trusts him)

It wouldn’t be so far fetched to say he’s kinda in a vulnerable spot right now

& that vulnerability eventually leads to him stumbling upon Cheese

Who at FIRST annoys the hell out of him

Cause

Ya know

It’s Cheese.

However, despite how vulnerable CHEESE may be in such a war zone, since he IS an imaginary friend, I can see him actually being able to (unintentionally) fend for himself in Hero’s Hollow.

Perhaps it can even be in the same fashion as his synergy attack with Billy in Punch Time Explosion (the CN fighting game).

Which is just

Screaming IANWKAMSOXMSOXM

But it WORKS

& it HAS taken down monsters out in the field.

So let’s say

Demongo sees this

& is intrigued by it

That such a pathetic, disgusting, & universally HATED creature can fend for himself despite not exactly being warrior-material.

& in a way, deep down, it’s actually sort of touching for Demongo, who is also not exactly well liked (for different reasons) & cannot battle like he used to.

In a way, he finds Cheese to be somewhat inspirational, in an appalling way

Maybe even forming a sort of goofy, one sided friendship with the lil guy.

Cause like

Wouldn’t it be hilarious if the ONE person that actually gave a damn about Cheese was THE most reclusive & seemingly dangerous character in the entire cast?

The fanmade Retro revival tried doing the same thing with Demongo & Chowder, but that just did not work as an idea cause the whole plot line just straight up mischaracterized Demongo’s character purely for the funni.

Not here though.

Cause his “friendship” with Cheese isn’t just to be funny.

It also helps him somewhat cope with the loss of his powers, & how no one else is really on his side.

Maybe Demongo eventually learns to speak to Cheese in a way that the little guy can ACTUALLY understand him, perhaps after studying the lil fella extensively.

I can imagine him meeting Cheese for the first time happens sometime when the player is at level 33, where missions for Hero’s Hollow become open to complete.

Maybe you’re tasked by Demongo to investigate the area after he hears reports of a ruckus going on over there, only to learn that Cheese is the one causing it.

Maybe Frankie/Mac chime in like “WOAH, YOU GOTTA SAVE CHEESE BY TAKING OUT THOSE MONSTERS!!”

But afterwards, Demongo butts in, explaining how he’s been surveying the situation & has seen Cheese fending for himself just fine, absolutely marveled by the strength of such a tiny ugly creature.

You return to Demongo, who tells you that he’ll be keeping an eye on Cheese, explaining how the lil guy may be much stronger than he looks & could be useful to the war effort in the future.

This eventually leads to the fourth control center assault where, instead of Eduardo, Cheese is sent into the fight…

Which all gets ruined by Billy, just like in the original.

I like to think that if this scene was rewritten to be just Jack & Demongo taking on the assault & NOT the player (like a sort of Fusionfall anime kind of deal where these characters do all the missions you’re supposed to do), Demongo would bring Cheese along using a stupid lil baby carrier, using Cheese as a sort of shield for his front…

Without exactly processing how absolutely stupid the two of them look to everyone else OWMWOSMSOMXSOKC

It’s just such a fun idea that I wanted to share with y’all, cause honestly

Both Demongo & Cheese deserve a friend in the messed up world of Fusionfall, & Demongo could DEFINITELY use the ego boost after having his entire life turned upside down with the loss of his powers OSMWOSMSOXKSOCK

[freedomfireflies]

https://www.tumblr.com/freedomfireflies/743256504382210048/okay-there-is-so-much-to-unpack-with-part-3-my

This whole thing gets more convoluted the more you answer questions lmao they’re apparently “one soul” so why is he trying to push dating onto y/n when she has stated like so many times she’s not okay with sharing it’s not for her but he expects her to be okay with it when he so clearly isn’t going to leave rebecca if she’s his “soulmate”

Also, harry and rebecca agreed to an open relationship not a polyamorous relationship 2 very different things so not only is he scum to y/n rn he’s just agreed to dating someone else without consulting his “soulmate” first and having that conversation in their relationship

this man needs to grow up and have a normal adult relationship like damn

Hi baby!! I so appreciate your thoughts and feedback, truly!! But it’s important to remember that the story still has two more parts and isn’t finished yet! If everything was easily explainable and fixable, I wouldn’t really have a story to write, you know? The point of this story is the struggle and navigation for both of them as they learn what they really want and who they really are! And in order to have that and to have them grow and be interesting to read about, they have to be confusing first, if that makes sense!

But things will be explained and make sense, I promise! My “one soul” comment is meant more in the sense that they’re so comfortable with each other that they know each other inside and out! They have a very comfortable relationship! Easy, almost! They’re very similar and I have a few people in my life where I feel like we share a soul because we’re so similar and get along so well!! But I apologize if that was the wrong choice of wording!!

Honestly, it’s hard for me to answer some of these questions because I don’t want to give away my plans, so if my answers confuse you, I’m so sorry! And if this story or me or the character upsets you, again, I’m so so sorry! And I understand not wanting to read further! But I appreciate you so much!!!

But also please know that a lot of these comments really can be hard to read/respond to because it feels like some people aren’t giving me or the plot the benefit of the doubt! And you do have every right to not like this piece of work, I just can’t really do much about the story once it’s posted!

But I hear you, I understand, and I appreciate your suggestions on how to make the next parts and the story overall better!! 💞💞

[darklydeliciousdesires]

The Dream - Chapter Two.

Alright, my lovelies, since this chapter is very short, and in an effort to get the ball rolling on this story a little more, I thought I would treat you to the seldom seen double update today! Yes, you get chapter two AND chapter three! Also, I’m going to do a combined note count for the unlock, so when both chapters add up to 40 notes, chapter four comes on Monday. I hope this makes you happy! Thanks so much to those of you who are engaging in it, too :) 

Previous chapters - Prologue  One

Tag list - In the comments, please DM to be added/removed (note: those not engaging will be automatically removed from the tag list, FYI)

Words - 2,108

Warnings - 18+ content throughout, minors DNI!

For seven consecutive days, Angel had experienced a dream featuring the mystery girl, and in each and every one he tried his hardest to harness some kind of power to be able to control it, to speak words of his own decision, anything that didn't feel like it had been pre-programmed by his imagination.  

It was confusing to him, for she felt like no mere figment, something about her seemed too real for her to have been fabricated by his own mind. He couldn't explain it, but it almost felt like he was leaving his own body each night and ending up in a different scenario with her on some other plane of existence, insane as that was.

On Monday, he dreamed he was strolling along a beach and saw her walking across the ocean itself, reaching him and as usual falling into a passionate kiss. He’d stared down at her, trying to ask why she kept invading his dreams, who she was, searching for answers. No words came, though, feeling the tug of waking beginning to yank at him. As he'd felt himself being pulled from the dream, he'd held her arms tight as if he was trying to pull her out of it with him, but she'd slipped from his grasp, and he'd awoken with a start, his heart thundering in his chest.

On Tuesday, he dreamed of being back at the house with the party going on inside it again, waiting outside for her to exit the glass door and approach, just as she had before. Once again, he tried to control the dream to his advantage but failed, with them kissing again and him waking up, becoming very frustrated and a little freaked out by it all. Why did he keep dreaming of someone he didn't know? Why was his mind making her up and parading her in front of him in different scenarios each night? Why did she feel so familiar to him? And why – apart from the fact she was very pretty – did he feel so drawn to her?

By the early hours of Thursday morning, he was fed up. Fed up with continually waking through the night, annoyed at not being able to decipher why she kept appearing, and frustrated that he had no clue over who the hell she was either. He never thought something as simple as a dream would ever throw him through loops so badly, but they really were beginning to bother him.

“You have Uncle Fester sized bags under your eyes. Good night, was it, with whoever you took home?” EZ asked him as they took a break from hauling metal around the yard.  

Angel muttered, picking up an old bumper and throwing it cleanly into the tangle of old automobile parts to his right. “Yeah, I wish it was from getting laid.” He chewed the inside of his cheek, noticing his brother looking expectant. “I keep having these reoccurring dreams, well, kinda like that. Dreams of this girl, and...”

“Waking up with damp boxers?” EZ’s interjection earned him a glare.

“You’ll shut your goddamned mouth.”

He laughed hard, wiping sweat from his brow on the back of his arm. “So, who’s the girl? Someone you wanna bang but ain’t letting you near?”

“That’s the thing,” Angel began as they began to walk back over to the clubhouse, in search of coffee and a quick break. “I don’t have a damned clue who she is. I ain’t ever seen the chick before, but night after night, boom. There she is. And it isn't like a normal dream in the sense where everything's a bit fuzzy and shit, it's crystal clear, except I have no conscious control over it. It's bugging me. I even lay there last night reading about reoccurring dreams, trying to make sense of why my brain is fucking with me.”

“You been taking mushrooms?”

“Hell no, I hate that shit.”

“Smoking Coco’s crazy weed?”

Angel snorted. “Not after last time. I swear, it’s soaked in something nasty.”

Reaching the doors, they walked through, EZ walking to where a coffee pot sat bubbling behind the bar, pouring out two cups. “Well, I have no idea why this is happening if you’re not actually causing it by tripping your balls off, but maybe I can help you with being able to control it, when you’re actually dreaming.” Handing over the mug, he walked back around the bar, sipping the strong brew as he took a seat beside his brother. “Have you ever heard of, or did your internet search bring up anything about lucid dreaming?”

Angel half shrugged. “Nah, I don’t think so. What is it?”

“It's a technique that if you manage to master it, it lets you have some kind of power over your actions when you're dreaming. But I gotta say, it's pretty bizarre, having a dream about the same person over and over without actually knowing who they are. Is the dream itself the same?”

“Sometimes it has been, but mostly, I see her in different settings. It’s fucking bugging the shit out of me,” he frowned, EZ nodding.

“That’s twice you’ve said that.”

“Yeah, well I don’t dream of shit like this!” Angel’s eyes were wide, his tone exasperated. “Fuckin’ weird shit I have no idea over, or bikini models usually. It’s pretty standard with me.”

EZ was entertained. “A simple man of simple dreams.”  

Angel began muttering into his coffee, his brow furrowing. “I knew I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“So, what you're saying is that you wanna find out why you keep dreaming about her? And in finding out how to control your dreams you think you might achieve this? Or is it just because you wanna control the power of a boner and bang the shit out of her unconsciously?” EZ asked, making Angel scowl slightly.

“All I wanna do is find out why the same little brunette chick keeps visiting me in my sleep. End of. If I want sex, I can go out there and easily get the real fucking thing. bro.” He made a good point. If his brother was anything at all, it was most definitely popular with women.

“Well, I guess you have some reading to do. Either that or I need to book you in to visit a shrink.” Just then, the door opened to reveal a welcome distraction.  

“Will you take your husband the fuck away from me?” Angel cried, pointing at his brother as Sharise approached, shaking her head full of soft, beaded braids.

“Are you being a beast?” she cooed, arriving to kiss him, opening her arms to hug Angel as well.

EZ raised an eyebrow, stroking her arm. “When am I not?” He looked thoroughly pleased with himself before continuing. “Anyway, what do you want?”

“Oh, oh that’s nice!” Sharise snorted. “No hello honey, nice to see you, just what do you want? Hmph.” Her face was full of tease as she tilted her head back, slowly raising her middle finger at him. “I accidentally locked myself out, so I need your keys, baby.”

He reached into his kutte, taking them out. “Fucking useless.”

“I’ll remember that later, when you want your dick sucked.” While they fell into their usual banter, Angel pulled out his phone and began searching websites about the lucid dreaming thing EZ had mentioned, beginning to read about the technique.  

The page detailed that it varied from person to person, how it worked, but began by stating awareness had to be harnessed, something called reality testing, to make the unconscious mind consciously process whether it was awake or asleep. He then read methods to do that, like checking a clock, which in a dream state would change considerably, but in reality, would barely move at all. He snorted softly, thinking to himself that he knew when he was dreaming, because the girl was there when he did. It wasn’t a problem deciphering between awake and asleep, it was the lack of control he experienced while in the dream that he needed to get to grips with.

“Lucid dreaming, huh?” Sharise’s voice roused him from his state of concentration, peering around to see what he was reading so avidly. “We watched a movie about that a while back. Oh, fuck. What was it called? It had that British guy in it, the one in The Hobbit films, oh...” She clicked her fingers, circling her hand rapidly as she attempted to recall his name. “Martin Freeman, and it was called...”  

“You seriously need to cut down your weed consumption,” EZ couldn’t help but tease. “It was called The Good Night.”

“Yes!” she cried, frowning slightly. “Don’t you weed shame me, either. It’s my culture, and I’m an insomniac.”

EZ snorted. “Sharise, your dad is Rastafarian. You’re an atheist.”  

“And you’re sleeping on the couch tonight!” She turned, tossing her braids over her shoulder as she walked towards the door. “Still love you, though.”

“Love you more.” Angel thought it was sweet, the way they bickered back and forth at one another constantly, always bantering, but the love they had for each other was huge. She was the best thing that had ever happened to EZ. Going back to his phone, he continued to read while EZ took a call, heading outside of the clubhouse.  

The page before him advised that once the dreamer knew they were in fact within a dream state, everything done to try and exert control should be gentle, picturing, or even speaking what they wanted to change, but not to be too forceful with those demands, or they would risk waking themselves up. The author of the piece said that simply focusing on that, and saying, for example, ‘I want to be able to fly’ usually did the trick, but it took a lot of practice, to be able to control the self.  

One page in and already, Angel felt a headache coming on. That night, though, when he finally reached his bed at 2am, he put what he’d read into practice.

The coldness of the open mountain range was so realistic to him, Angel had to wonder if he really was dreaming for a few seconds, and after remembering something he had read about deterring dreams from reality on the page he’d studied, he pinched his nose and closed his mouth, finding he was still able to breathe. It was an old test, apparently, to deter whether you were really asleep or awake.  

Once he had deterred it was a dream, he began to walk forwards, hoping the black clad figure in the distance was the girl again, willing himself to practice saying something to her, yet it was just barely understandable jargon that came from his mouth when he did.

“Focus... focus,” he thought to himself. “I want to control what I say to her.” He tried again, but still, nothing resembling words came out, his vision going a little foggy. “Keep calm, or you’ll wake yourself up.” That part worked, Angel continuing to walk through the snow, trying out another technique he’d read. “There’s a bottle cap in my hand. It’s blue.”  

Opening his hand, he looked down to see the small, blue bottle cap, the serrated edge rough against his palm as he closed it again, putting it into the pocket of the long, black wool coat he had on.  

“Speak to her, speak to her. Ask her what her name is, ask her who she is.” he thought over and over, trying not to overdo it and wake himself up. As they reached each other, he noticed she was shivering uncontrollably, taking his coat and wrapping it around her, her trembles subsiding as she was warmed against his body heat.  

“I’m glad you’re here, I was starting to freeze.” she spoke, reaching for him, pulling him down to her level. Once again, they fell into a kiss that he had no control over, one he let happen for a few seconds before pulling away, repeating the little mantra in his head until he felt in control, opening his mouth to speak.

“Who are you?” Finally! He had a success in asking her something of his own volition. He felt such triumph at being able to ask her something coherently, though, that it excited him to the point of distraction. Instantly, he woke up.

“Damnit!” he fumed, turning over and muttering as he closed his eyes and hoped that he'd be able to get back to sleep and pick up where the dream left off. No such luck. If Angel Reyes was anything, though, it was persistent.  

[only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are]

Redwood Psychiatric Institute - Part 1

MASTERLIST

Edit: Not me accidentally giving the dr two names - I originally had him as Morgan but changed it to Wilson later. I must have left a Morgan in there. Sorry for the confusion!!

Note: This was going to be in two parts, but I thought it would make more sense to combine them and put them in one post. So if you've already read the 1st bit, please keep reading!

Also, Happy New Year! I wanted to kick off 2023 with some whump writing that I'm proud of.

CWs: noncon drugging, forcedsedation, medical restraints, medical gaslighting, forced 'mental illness' treatment

"The psychiatric hospital stands tall with three story buildings, a sprawling lawn, and 6 foot fences enclosing the entire property." The figure narrated from the edge of the grounds. “In the moonlight, it’s an eerie sight to behold.”

He paused the recording temporarily to fiddle with the settings on the microphone, and snap another photo on his camera. ‘Low battery!’ warned the camera. 

“Damn..” He muttered under his breath. 

He turned back to look up at the building, and suddenly heard a twig snap behind him. He froze in place. It was just his mind playing tricks on him, he reasoned. He was alone. He didn’t speak again - just in case. The wind howled through the trees off in the distance. The hair on the back of his neck stood up. 

“Who’s there?” He breathed. 

No response. The woods stood silently swaying in the breeze. 

WHAM!

Something slammed into his back, knocking him to the ground. The camera and recorder were sent flying, the air was shoved out of his lungs from the impact. He didn’t even get the chance to scream, before something sharp pricked his neck. The world dissolved into darkness.

----------------------------------------------------

His eyes flew open to find that he was lying on a bed.

'It was just a dream, Rowan. Take a breath. You’re home. You’re safe.'

He looked around. Except, he wasn’t home. He was in a vast, empty room with pristine white walls and white linoleum flooring. Definitively not-home. 

'Where am I?'

The door cracked open. 

'Finally, someone to explain what’s going on,' Rowan thought. 

Three men stepped in. The first, a middle-aged, medium build man with small round glasses, a clean-shaven face and wearing a doctor’s coat. The other two were well built, tall, and wore white nurses’ scrubs. One had a scar below his left eye, with thick, dark curly hair on his head, and the other had blonde cropped hair and a mean-looking jaw. Blondie also had a nasty black eye.

These were not exactly the people Rowan was expecting. 

The doctor gestured for the two nurses to stand in front of the door, and then he slowly approached Rowan’s bed.

“Hello again. Glad to see you’re awake.” The man had a calm, quiet manner of speaking as he sat on the end of Rowan’s bed.

“Uh.. hi.” Rowan said slowly.

“Ah, I’m sorry.. one moment.” The doctor pulled a small penlight from the pocket of his coat, and shine it in each of Rowan’s eyes. “Hm..”

“Am I in hospital?” Rowan asked as the doctor put away the light.

The man glanced at the two in front of the door, before turning back to Rowan. “You don’t remember?” He asked, his cool tone giving nothing away. 

“No. I was.. what..” Rowan sighed, furrowing his brow as he tried to remember how he’d gotten in this room. 

Oh! The article!

“Well, I was conducting an.. article on a mental hospital.” He said, trying to mimic the doctor’s cool tone. Technically, he wasn’t lying. But he couldn’t let on the full truth, either.

“I see.”

“And then.. and then…”

'I can’t remember. What happened between the woods outside, and here?'

“Can you tell me your name?” The Doctor asked, pulling Rowan out of his thoughts.

“Rowan Murdock.”

“I see, Rowan..” The man glanced at the two nurses again.

“I’m a journalist for The Daily Press, maybe you’ve heard of me?”

The man looked back at Rowan. “Ah.”

“Look, am I in a hospital?” Rowan asked.

The man sighs softly. “What I’m about to say might be very hard to hear. I want you to stay calm, or those two orderlies will have to give me a hand, alright?” He asked, pointing with his chin at the two men in front of the door.

“Okay…” Rowan murmured. “Just, tell me.”

“Yes. You are in a hospital. But... Your name isn’t Rowan Murdock. It’s James Lawton. And you’re in a psychiatric hospital.”

Breathe, Rowan. Just breathe. Stay calm.

“But- that can’t be right. The last thing I remember was walking through the forest. On the outside of Redwood Psychiatric."

"Well, at least you remember the name of this place. You're a patient here - this is Redwood." The Doctor explained, gesturing around the room.

"But I'm not. That's what I'm trying to tell you! There's been some kind of mistake." Rowan pressed, fighting to keep his voice level. "My name is Rowan Murdock, and I'm a journalist. Not a crazy person."

"Listen, James. Take a deep breath. You're in good hands here. Of course you aren't crazy. That's a very outdated and harmful term. You just need help. There's nothing wrong with that." The Doctor placated. "And you've clearly lost your memory after the relapse caused by your escape attempt. So let me refresh your memory. My name is Doctor Wilson. You voluntarily placed yourself in the care of this hospital four months ago, after an increase in hallucinations, paranoia and violent behaviour. The most accurate diagnosis for your symptoms is schizophrenia. I'd like to continue working on your treatment with you, James."

"My name isn't James. If you found my camera, or looked in my-" he'd started to reach for his pant pocket as he spoke, only to realise that the clothes he had been wearing had been replaced by a thin white hospital gown. "-pocket… Well you must have, then. You'd have found my ID, with my name on it. Rowan Murdock."

"We didn't find any camera or ID, James."

"Stop calling me that."  Rowan protested.

"As your Doctor, it is not my place to play along with your hallucinations. I will only set back your recovery further."

"But I'm not your patient! You can't do this!" Rowan fought back tears.

"Take a deep breath, James. You voluntarily committed yourself to our care, meaning that you gave your permission to be here. We can even show you the paperwork if you like. We can keep you here for as long as we think necessary to treat you, because you legally gave us permission to do so." The Doctor tried in a soothing voice. "In a moment, Nurse Dean will bring your meds. You're going to take them for me, and you're going to calm down, okay?"

Rowan stared at the wall, refusing to meet the Doctor's gaze. A knock sounded at the door, and the two orderlies stepped aside to open the door. A man entered, wearing nurse's scrubs and carrying a tray with a dozen small wax paper cups, each with names printed on them. 

"Hello, James." The man said as he stepped up to the bed, handing the tray to the orderlies and picking up a cup with James Lawton on it. "Glad to see you're back with us. Here's your meds." He held the cup out to Rowan.

Rowan reached out and took it, holding up the small cup to inspect the half a dozen pills of different colours and sizes. "What are all of these for?"

“James, you might not remember, but I have told you this before - I can’t tell you, or any of the other patients’, that. You’d only try to avoid certain medications to avoid their effects.” Nurse Dean said firmly. He pushed the tablets closer to James. “Come on, take them. You know the drill, if you don’t take them, we have to inject the medication anyway. So you choose - easy way or hard way.”

Rowan stared into the cup for a moment longer, then slowly tipped the pills back into his mouth. And proceeded to subtly tuck them under his tongue. 

“Open wide.” Nurse Dean pulled out a tongue depressor, and used it to check in Rowan’s cheeks, and then lifted the patient’s tongue. When he found the tablets, he sighed. “James….” 

The nurse lifted the pills onto the wooden stick, then deposited them all at the back of his throat. Then, he placed his hand on Rowan’s throat and massaged firmly, forcing him to swallow the assortment of drugs. Rowan’s throat hurt from the large mass being shoved down his gullet all at once. He coughed, and the Doctor picked up a paper cup from the bedside table, and handed it to Rowan, who took it gratefully and swallowed several mouthfuls of water from the cup.

“I’m sorry. But that one’s on you.” Nurse Dean took back the tray of pill cups from the orderly, and turned to leave. “See you, James. Behave for Doctor Wilson.”

Rowan didn’t say a word as the nurse left, cataloguing the doctor’s name away - information that he was likely supposed to already have, but he didn’t want to add fuel to the Doctor’s claims that he had lost it. He balled the bedsheet in his fists for a few minutes in silence, until he realised Doctor Wilson was talking to him.

“-I’m very disappointed in you, James. You’re going to have to try better than that.” Doctor Wilson said, brow furrowed. 

“Ma nerm.. isen J-” Rowan stopped, realising his tongue was thick and heavy in his mouth, and words and syllables weren’t coming out properly. “Wh-”

The fluorescent lights were blurring above his head. He couldn’t hear, the world had been submerged in water. Where was he again? 

'The article. Something to do with the article. He said-'

'I didn’t-'

'Where am I?'

'Why is everything moving. It hurts.' 

'Let me sleep.'

----------------------------------------

James lay on the hospital bed, his head lolling around. He was blinking furiously, trying to stay with it, but they’d put him on such a high dosage that his efforts were futile.

Doctor Wilson stood and pulled the blanket off of his patient. He then turned to the orderlies. “Move him to the maximum security padded room, and restrain him.”

“Yes, Doctor Wilson.” 

The two orderlies approached the semi-conscious patient, picking him up from underneath his armpits, and began dragging him down the hallway.

“Excellent.” Doctor Wilson stepped out the room and closed it behind him.

He walked down the hall of the hospital, following closely behind the orderlies with James. He stepped in front of them, and opened the door with his thumbprint so that they could enter. 

The orderlies placed James on a small, frameless bed against one padded wall. The young man looked tiny as he curled into himself on the mattress, wispy strands of his short caramel hair hanging in his eyes. The orderly with the scar reached under the bed and pulled up padded cuffs that had straps attached to them, with the other ends of the straps sewn into the mattress. As the orderlies and Doctor Wilson held James down and started placing his arms and legs in the restraints, the patient tried to pull away, but he was too weak in his drugged state. With ease, the three men restrained him to the bed. 

Doctor Wilson and the orderlies left the room, closing the door behind them. Doctor Wilson knew that there would be a problem when his patient woke up, but he or the other staff would be watching from the cameras inside the room. 

“Martin, I need you to destroy that camera and ID.” Doctor Wilson said to the curly-haired orderly.

“Yes sir.”

~~~~~~~

PART 2

Taglist (there will be more parts so please let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!): @whatiswhump and @jancameforthewhump

[atopvisenyashill]

That’s a really good meta son the Sansa sister comment thank you 😭 I was the original anon there. You explain it so well and it makes so much sense like that because that really is how Sansa contextualizes her grief. The thought of Sansa grieving and wishing she’d been closer to Arya is very tender. Generally I wouldn’t have even called it an example of Sansa being “cruel” because like. It’s a thought. Not an action or something she said. Like people love to cite her wishing to slap SR and say it’s cruel but like she didn’t even say that. She thought it. She’s a kid being forced to play mother to a very demanding child. Of course she’s going to feel frustrated sometimes. I also do think many fans go with the least sympathetic interpretations of Sansa and Arya’s relationship. Like the staunch refusal to acknowledge that Arya remembering knowing a girl who loved lemon cakes was her thinking of Sansa. Arya fans insist she was thinking about herself but she doesn’t refer to herself as someone she knew. It seems painfully obvious to me I don’t get how people misinterpret that unless it’s on purpose. But anyway rock chewing anon I get your frustration I do but I got exactly the analysis I needed to understand the passage plus it was never meant to be like. “This is an example of Sansa being cruel” more just like. This seemed out of character because I do NOT think about her like that

yes i fully agree that just bc you think something uncharitable doesn’t mean you’re ~bad~ especially if you don’t say it out loud. we all think real shitty stuff from time to time, especially when we’re already upset, what matters is how you react to the situation. And like you said re: sweetrobin - she doesn’t slap him! she’s not even mean to him and in fact when he’s terrified as they’re going down the mountain, she makes him feel better by building up his confidence and letting him hold into her instead of telling him to man up or something similar. Sansa can be incredibly bitchy in her thoughts but she's always very aware of what she says out loud and how it will affect the people around her; she's a grump like any 13 year old lmao, but she's a conscientious one! I find it sweet of her that even when she's sitting there thinking "damn this kid is so fucking annoying" she's always aware that just saying that is cruel.

and YEAH i absolutely agree that a lot of fans will look at their interactions and just take the absolute most uncharitable read of whatever Sansa is doing re: Arya and completely exice Arya's love for Sansa from her thoughts. And it's just crazy to me because imo the only other person Arya longs to see more than Sansa is Jon and that's her absolute best friend. For both girls, I think their grief over each other is just so obviously present; they were so different, always missing what the other really means, never able to truly understand each other, and now it's just too late (or so they think) to ever make it up each other. I think Arya longs just as desperately as Sansa to meet again and attempt a more meaningful understanding of each other, I really think for both of them, that's one of their top hopes! Return home, see the sister they never understood but spent the most time with, and love her again no matter how weird she may be. When you cut that out of both of their stories, I think it really weakens their arcs and weakens the longing to go home. Their grief isn't just about the family members they had perfect relationships with; it's also about the fact that they could have one day had a better relationship and now it will never happen.

and yeah lmao that's why i wasn't trying to drag you too much with rock chewing anon, i do get the frustration people have with how much people just refuse to understand what Sansa is going through and how her thought process works, but she is admittedly kind of a hard character to dig into because of how internal she is as a character. but that's why we analyze and pick them apart to understand them better!

[winns-stuff]

LO RANT:

Genuinely believe the fans don’t know what Lore Olympus is even supposed to be anymore. It’s sad going into their comment sections and seeing so many fans be poisoned with utter hypocrisy and be so blinded that they don’t even read what they’re saying. This is why having just one positive opinion isn’t always the best way to go, it’s okay to say that Lore Olympus is not doing the best this is not going to kill Rachel. It’s fine if you’re getting tired of the plot stories, it’s more than fine if you can’t read anymore because of the bad character designs etc. Every time I see a fan it’s like they’re under some mind control and it truly does make me wanna shake my head especially when arguing with a critic, their points will always never make any sense or they’ll just be horrible takes.

For one I’ve noticed a lot of fans love to use the whole “this is how the myth goes!!!!” statement whenever someone has a problem with either the story or the characters in that episode that day. You guys please stop saying that shit, it’s getting old and it doesn’t even make sense. You can’t say that Lore Olympus is exactly like the myths and in the same breath defend Rachel’s abstract artistic choices by saying “she can do whatever she wants!! it’s a retelling!!” which one is it damnit? Is she following the myths or putting a massive spin on it? Pick one you can’t have both at the same damn time.

That’s the backwards thinking of this entire fandom that really trips me out though, the fans want two very opposite and different things to exist all at once but in reality it never will. Your webtoon is plagued with so much hypocrisy that even defending it or trying to make a point will make you a huge hypocrite. Lore Olympus does too much of “yes we can do this but no we cannot at the same time”, it’s never standing clear on beliefs, personalities, morals, relationships, etc. Everything always has to be both at the same time and I’m thinking the reason for that is because Rachel probably thought this would help her case more, like is pedophilia inside of the story? In a way yes but also no. Is feminism in the story? In a way yes but also no. Is mental health in the story? In a ways yes but also no. Are y’all seeing the pattern? Someone from outside of this fandom with zero knowledge about Lore Olympus cannot outright say that “Lore Olympus doesn’t talk about sexual traumas” because it does but it doesn’t at the same time. They just use both sides of every topic they decide to throw into the story that day so theirs never a person who can genuinely be upset that something isn’t there because it is, it’s just not being handled well or written with any decency.

Also last thing, I wish that a lot of the fans would stop the blatant sexualization of the characters it’s so uncomfortable to sit through and a lot of the comments are dehumanizing. There’s a difference between saying that the characters are hot and begging for them to literally scramble your insides and headcanoning how they fuck each other. Genuinely it’s getting out of control with how you guys treat this story like it’s some kind of kinky fanfic (which I can’t even blame you for because that’s what this is to Rachel at this point) mainly because there’s serious topics being discussed in your beloved comic that your amazing author decided to write into this series. So no, it’s never been about watching these random characters fuck each other it’s always been so much “deeper” than that sadly and even though I’ll never stop explaining how Lore Olympus never should’ve put those very real and serious conversations in her story if she was not going to shed any positive or even respectful light on those themes because it’s giving the readers a horrible depiction of all of them I will say that you all need to settle the fuck down and start realizing that this comic is more than seeing Persephone and Hades get naked (fucking barely, you don’t even see anything yet everyone still wants more detailed and graphic scenes).

[mygeekcorner]

eight shows to get to know me. allegedly.

Tagged by @silversoulstardust

Babe what does this even mean??? What do you mean “get to know me”?? Shows that are the reason that I am the way I am?? That make people watch them and then go “yeah this explains so much about you”? Blorbos I project too hard on?? The vibes? The core memories??? The quoteability?? Which ones make me scream out loud the most?? What does it all mean?? You already follow my blog, you know which shows I'm obsessed with, but what shows do even give insight into anything besides what I like in stories??

But uh yeah. My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. Easy pick. Whatever reasoning you want from the potential meanings of this tag game up there, it has it. The first three seasons are so good! Though I did drop it when Twlight became an alicorn, that just felt too much toy-selling show to me personally, same with equestria girls. But like I grew up watching old school MLP (G1), and I adored it. Then I reach 20 and suddenly FiM (G4 for those keeping track) comes out and it is such a gigantic blast from the past and damn if I didn't get hooves over head from the start. I was obsessed. I was one of the “mods are asleep, post ponies” people. And the way they fucking based Pinkie Pie on me? Like right down to the Pinkamena rock farm backstory? Scary stuff right there I’m tellinng you. 

But 7 other shows to pick?

Monarch of the Glen is an old show, and I will admit that I haven’t Really watched it since I was in school but it has stayed in the back of my mind since I was like 10 so. I never cared for the main couple, as characters they are fine but even back then it felt like a “oh yeah, here’s two pretty people from opposite genders (and social status) and so we have to make them get together” which was Not what the show was about To Me! But just all the other interpersonal relationships? The parents romantic relationship? Top notch.  The struggle of trying to please your parents but still doing your own thing? Trying to find out what that thing is? It does never get old. Also I had the biggest crush on Duncan and that does tell you so much about my type still lol

Galavant released the trailer and at first glance everyone already knew it was a very Me show. I’m not sure what it says about me, but it fits me very well. With the sense of humour, disney references, bursting into unprompted song, wanting to dress like a ren fair character, horseback riding, daring sword fights. A prince in disguise! I mean what. I don’t project on anyone super hard, but I do vibe like crazy to the whole thing, and the soundtrack is a banger that never truly leaves my brain.

Scrubs might just look like the silly little doctor comedy show, and it is! But it also has SO MUCH heart and I just love the lessons it comes with. Again, it’s been a hot minute since I watched it so I won’t vouch for how well the humour has aged, but that was never the point of the show either. The point of the show was watching people care about each other in all different kinds of relationships and so many of the more heartfelt exchanges still live in my soul even now. Like that time JD went to the “evil lab guy” everyone was scared of because he didn’t want his patient to have what the results said they did and the lab guy asked “do you Think I made a mistake or do you Hope I did?” and JD just said “I’m kinda hoping you did” and the whole scene softened and lab guy did the test again. I don’t know, that scene has lived rent-free in my mind for like 20 years whenever I hope things aren’t as bad as they seem, hoping that some higher power lab guy will take pity on me and say they mixed some tests up.

Malcolm in the middle is again just that silly chaotic show from when we were kids - sibling edition - but again it just has so much heart and I don’t know. Watching it again as an adult, yes sure, it has aged, but the big bits stay the same. How the parents Chose each other every day. How the kids might beat each other up with bricks but wouldn’t hesitate to turn to arson if anybody else tried to do the same to their brothers? Yes, it means a lot and even though I might not have “learned” as much from it as Scrubs, it still resonates with me about how growing up felt.

Until We Meet Again because at my heart I am a hopeless romantic who wants to believe in soulmates. It’s a pretty recent show in general, and I only watched it a year ago, but it felt like it understood me more than I understood it, so it is on this list anyway. But I will always hope that if someone meant enough to you and you meant enough to them you Will find your way back to each other, in this life or the next. Not saying this show didn’t absolutely destroy me, I spent 3 hours just crying and shaking after the first episode, and I think I spent a majority of the show being a dehydrated little blob, but it was so worth it. To watch both timelines fall in love and choose each other? To watch the modern timeline have friends and be happy among more than just each other? Everything I could have asked for. 12/10. For real.

Not sure what Goblin has to say about me. We’re all depressed and deserve a good cry and a hug? I guess it means that there is always hope for things to get better, in some way. Even if it doesn’t come about as you thought it would, or when you hoped. But there is always someone out there who cares about you, whether or not you know they do.

I can’t believe I almost forgot about Black Books! Fran is me and I will turn into Fran if bf ever does leave me rip. For real. I even used to have a marriage pact with a friend who was just like Bernard that stated if we both reach our 40s and are single we can be drunk and miserable together. So many of these moments get referenced on a daily basis in our home, everything from how “on no accounts must they know the real you!” to the Cleaner. Yes, if you watch this show it will explain so much about me. (Please don’t do that)

Okay, yeah. This only took like 4 days to complete lmao. Might have taken it a bit more serious than intended, but the theme of the game is just to wide and I didn’t only want “these are the shows I’m currently obsessing over” cause yall already follow me and know which ones those are.

Anyway to pass this on - and feel free to not take it as deadly serious as I did unless you are so inclined - I am now tagging @krippe90 @jacquelinesrumbottle @hobbitsus @imaginarydragonling @tbiris @ablazenqueen @topcatnikki @7nessasaryevils @wanderingwistfulness @happygomadhatter @nevergonnafallfor @genderfluid-faerie-bf and anybody else who might want to play

Edit: added links to the shows~~

[bananathebookworm]

TLOVM Season 2 Eps 7-9 Ramblings

EP. 7

- I love the Feywild design so much. In general, the distinct designs of each location in this show are amazing, but I really enjoy how well they convey the Fewwild’s unique atmosphere.

- Percy’s such a fucking dork oh my god...

- Oh good. The sword’s corruption is visible to the others now.

- Grog trying to keep the sword sounding a little like Travis’ own frustrations bleeding through. I know he hated not being able to use Kraven Edge to its full potential in game.

- I do not like these jumpscares I have anxiety fuck off

- Garmelie! 

- Scrawny Grog!

- Vax’s anger at Percy... understandable why he feels that way, but I don’t know that I like it. 

- I love hearing more of the cast singing this season. Also turning “Makin’ My Way” into a new song... fucking phenomenal. I need the album for all of the music this season with full versions of everything.

- Also appreciating Scanlan the caregiver. I remember Sam/Scanlan always made a point to make sure everyone else was healed before accepting any himself.

- Garmelie fucking with Percy is my favourite thing.

- Feywild acid trip... I don’t know if this is amazing or terrifying.

- These fights are so fun. I love seeing their more creative battle tactics come to life.

- Percy letting Vax know he has his back even if Vax wants nothing to do with Percy... 

- I also love seeing these villain conversations that we never got to see in the campaign.

- Scrawny Grog is reminding me of Fjord losing his powers and Travis’ struggle feeling useless in the fights they had before he got them back. 

- Syngorn! Time for more Twins backstory.

- Wait, that’s the end of the episode already? Fuck these are too short.

EP. 8 

- Again loving the designs of this place.

- Velora! She’s so cute!

- Ugh. Syldor. Fuck off. Stay on the cute sibling bonding.

- Wilhand! Let’s stay with the Trickfoots for a bit.

- Can we throw Syldor out that window behind him. I hate him so much. (Kudos to Liam, Laura, Matt, and Troy for creating and bringing this character to life in all his despicableness.)

- Was not expecting to see Scanlan shoving something up Grog’s ass... but here we are...

- Percy telling off Syldor and standing up for Vex. And Vex telling him off immediately after.

- “What does fuck you mean?” I wish they had kept the entire sequence of Velora picking up phrases from Scanlan.

- The lighting in this series is so well done.

- I hate watching villains exploit a characters’ insecurities... poor Vex.

- “I can fix you.” SHE’S NOT BROKEN FUCK OFF.

- “My heart is someone else’s.” HELL YES.

- I love fire elemental Keyleth. And also just Keyleth.

- “The Fey Realm is definitely better in the books.” Okay nerd.

- ARTIE REVEAL! Also love that Matt is voicing him. I couldn’t imagine anyone else doing it. 

- “He killed me with them.” Grog backstory next! 

EP. 9

- Boulder, parchment, shears! I love how many inside jokes they work into the show while still making them make sense.

- Scanlan’s red beret! I love the little hat on the little dragonfly.

- Kaylie!

- Grog’s backstory is another reminder of the stark difference between hearing the backstories on stream and actually seeing them brought to life.

- Dark-haired Pike! I wonder if they’re ever going to explain that change now that they’ve shown it.

- “No one wants your damn autograph!” followed by an immediate zoom out to Dr. Dranzel tucking a piece of paper into his jacket. Brilliant.

- Also changing Scanlan’s story a bit so that he was never a part of Dr. Dranzel’s group, but Kaylie is.

- Oh good. Ripley and Umbrasyl are here. This is good. Everything’s great.

- Once again the dragon designs this season are terrifying

- Kevdak’s death is going to be the most satisfying one this season holy fuck.

- I love that Pike pluralizes “Buddies” every time.

- The Tabaxi mother with her baby... my heart...

- Ending on Grog screaming Kevdak’s name. Ugh. Chills. This fight is one of my favourites

-----

GENERAL

- I can’t believe there are only three episodes left and they haven’t taken down a single dragon yet. And yet so. much. has happened.

- Also can’t help but wonder how the two groups are going to reconnect. One of my favourite parts of the Kevdak fight is the use of the locket and Vex isn’t with Grog right now. There’s also a key Scanlan and Vax conversation after this fight that I hope they kept, but could easily be moved to a different time.

- I like the idea of splitting the party for these episodes. I didn’t think I would, but it really helped to get some important parts of the story told concurrently and concisely instead of spread out over the entire season. 

[cadybear420]

Cadybear's Reviews- Ride or Die

Welcome to the seventeenth official Cadybear's Reviews! Today I'll be talking about Ride or Die, which I have ranked on the "Wood Tier" at 3 stars out of a possible 10.

(Peter Griffin voice) Before we all die, there’s one secret I have to share with you. I did not care for Ride or Die. 

Yeah… I do not get this one. I do not get why so many people say this story made them cry or that it was so emotional and tragic. I do not get why (at least in more recent years) this has been paraded as one of Choices’ bests along with the likes of TCATF, ES, and ILS. Like, even if you really really love this book, I don’t think it comes anywhere close to being among the bests. It’s been a while since I last played, but even when right after I did play it, I could not buy into the “tragic and bittersweet” themes that people praise this book for. 

Now don’t get me wrong, as a story in itself, it isn’t terrible. It’s a pretty simple story about a MC who wants a taste of adrenaline and independence before going off to college. And in some aspects it does manage to somewhat subvert the “Ohhhhh, the innocent studious good girl falls in love with the immoral criminal bad boy and he turns her bad, but oh no her dad wouldn’t approve of his innocent little daddy’s girl running off with a bad boy, and she’s gonna be all like ‘But Daddy I love him!!1!!1!!11!’ when he finds out and scolds her about it” kind of story that it comes off as at first (though I still found it very pointlessly genderlocked, both MC and Logan should have been GOC). Granted I’d still like to see the dynamic changed up for a bit, with MC as the immoral tough baddie and LI as the innocent one who breaks out of that image as they fall for the MC.

I did like the parts (though I think there were only like 2 or 3 of them) where you could choose between focusing on your studies or spending time with the Crew, and you could pay diamonds to combine the events. And if I’m not mistaken, it does affect whether or not your MC becomes valedictorian at the end. But that’s about the only thing that affects your story route I think. 

And credit where credit is due, it is unique in that MC and LI don’t get together and have a happily ever after in the end (not that it would have been earned if they did anyways lol). It’s not a fantastic ending, but it is solid and at least a different change of pace. Why couldn’t the “MC and LI don’t get together in the end and live happily ever after” have happened in books like TNA, Surrender, FCL, and TBB?

So in concept, I do think this kind of story could have worked. Unfortunately, there are so many things that bring it down for me. 

To start off, MC’s relationship with the Mercy Park Crew felt incredibly shallow to me. It technically makes sense, since they’re all meant to go their separate ways, but it also kind of makes it hard to feel any sadness for when we actually get to that point. So any “tragic” themes just felt… very lukewarm to me. The only part that actually felt emotional to me was when Teppei Kaneko sacrificed himself, because… you know. My dude got himself blown the fuck up in a car crash on purpose to save the others.

Most melodramatic and forced of all was Logan. I seriously do not follow Logan’s supposed “special reason” for taking interest in MC. Even after seeing other people explain it, I still don’t get it. I don’t understand why it’s so god damned special, nor why Logan himself is so god damned special and why he of all the LIs was the main LI. He just seemed like a standard bad boy where I know fuck all about his character other than that he and Colt kind of had some beef with each other. 

On that note, Colt was the only LI I felt had any real emotional stakes and character and thus the only one I felt I had any reason to give a damn about in this story (also, he’s apparently a good passenger princess and says “you’ll always be my best driver” or something like that). And Mona… well, she had slightly more character than Logan at least, but she still felt like an obligatory token female LI (especially considering the book’s subtitle, seriously it’s really not helping the story at all). 

All of this would probably put it on my Bronze Tier. But there’s just one more thing that brings it down. The story pacing. 

The plot has some of the worst pacing I have ever seen. Like, MC’s dad should pull it over and charge it with a DUI. There were way too many things going on all at once, and I could not follow any of it. So if there somehow was any actual emotional substance or narrative depth to this story, I completely missed it. 

That all being said, this book being mid isn’t completely the story’s fault. This was originally slated to have a sequel, and the plan the writers had revealed on Storyloom actually sounds pretty awesome and much better than what we got in the first book. Basically, it takes place 5 years later where MC has just finished college, and she’s apparently contacted because of her connections with the MPC and has to bring everyone together again for a new adventure, ending with MC and LI driving off into the sunset. 

Originally, I figured the ending was conclusive as it was and there wasn’t really much that could be done with a sequel, even in a meeting-again-older-and-wiser side story set in the future. But now knowing the scrapped plan? We did kinda miss out. I mean, the ending it does have still works, but the story they planned for the sequel would have greatly improved the series. Though the thing where “MC and LI ride off together into the sunset” should at least have an option for MC to not get with her LI of choice by saying “I’ve long since moved on”. 

To me, this is just a simple story about a MC who wants a taste of adrenaline and independence just before the end of her high school years. Nothing all that emotionally complex or narratively deep. Yeah, I know I give high praise to stories like OG HSS and TH:M that aren’t exactly complex or deep either, but they at least have highly varying story routes, compelling characters, and good pacing to show for it. 

I don’t hate this one, but man is it overhyped as hell. Even if I did like this one (and who knows, I just might end up liking it after I give it a replay), I don’t think it’s nearly as good as people have made it out to be. I just don’t see it. 

[etes-secrecy-post]

Hi, before I explain my post, I want to say something important.

• What you see my blog has become a major overhaul. And despite the changes, I decided that my 2nd account will be now my artwork blog with a secret twist.

⚠️NEW RULE! (W/ BIGGER TEXT!)⚠️

⚠️ SO PLEASE DO NOT SHARE MY 2nd ACCOUNT TO EVERYONE! THIS SECRECY BLOG OF MINE IS FOR CLOSES FRIENDS ONLY!⚠️

• AND FOR MY CLOSES FRIENDS, DON’T REBLOG IT. INSTEAD, JUST COPY MY LINK AND PASTE IT ON YOUR TUMBLR POST! JUST BE SURE THE IMAGE WILL BE REMOVED AND THE ONLY LEFT WAS THE TEXT.

⚠️ SHARING LINKS, LIKE POSTS, REBLOG POSTS, STEALING MY SNAPSHOT PHOTOS/RECORDED VIDEOS/ARTWORKS (a.k.a. ART THIEVES) OR PLAGIARIZING FROM UNKNOWN TUMBLR STRANGERS WILL IMMEDIATELY BE BLOCKED, RIGHT AWAY!⚠️

😡 WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT EVER LIKED & REBLOG MY SECRET POST! THIS IS FOR MY SECRET FRIENDS ONLY, NOT YOU! 😡

Okay? Capiche? Make sense? Good, now back to the post…↓

Title: Speedsters in Racesuits (with GT Movie fan license card [per character])

Hello, August. And speaking of GT Movie 🟦🟥, they released a custom personalized license card (or Driver License) for the upcoming movie (on Aug 30th in my home country 🇵🇭). 🚘🏁🚘🎫🎦 And since the trio (including Bonn) LOVES the "Gran Turismo" game franchise (as much as the next OC person), I decided to draw them in their race suits to make them like a pro-racer on the race course. 🚘🏁🪪 Yes, the Speedster Trio still have their owned "Junior Driver License" as a legitimate valid ID, but that from the GT Movie is only a souvenir. Also, I added "Racer" as their apprentice course. 😉

BTW #1: You can go check it out & create yourself → [CLICK ME!] 📝🪪

Spot 🐶🏎��: Damn, dude! Do we look legit racers or what? 🚘🏁🪪😃

Miya 🐰🐻🔋: Heck yeah-yuh! We're LITERALLY legit racers, twin bro! 🚘🏁🪪😁

Riya 🐰🏎️: Yeah, but get too excited, twins. As much as we loved playing GT Games, I'm not sure saying could be said for the movie itself. 🤔

Spot 🐶🏎️: Aww C'mon, Ri. Hope the movie itself was great as the Mario Movie we attended, back in April. 🙂

Miya 🐰🐻🔋: Right on, Spot. How about it, Ri!? Your parents are already pre-order tickets! 😄

Riya 🐰🏎️: I suppose, So I'll take chances. 🤷🙂

Rita 🐶🚺: Tandaan, anaks (Remember, kids). We're going early at 8 AM before the cinema mall opens at 10! 😉☝️⌚

The Speedster Trio [🐶🏎️| 🐰🏎️| 🐰🐻🔋]: We got it, mom! 😃

Bonn 🐰🚹: Yeah, we can't missed out that movie! 😊

Rita 🐶🚺: Do you think that movie was actual based on real-life story? 🤔

Bonn 🐰🚹: Mmmm... I'm not sure, but like Riya said, we'll take chances.🙂

• Now, you wondering who's the fourth one? 🤔Ah, that's right! My upcoming new OC! 😅 The set will be revealed on "September 1st"! Yup, you heard me! SEPTEMBER 1ST! 😉 Will this person came from the Speedster's Family Tree, or just a fan of the Speedsters Family? We may never know, so you have to find out, in the next few days.🙂

BTW #2: I revamped Bonn & Rita's existing race suits from my previous artworks. 😊

Well, that's all for now. And good luck watching GT Movie! NO SPOILERS, PLS! 🤫(either Aug 25th (U.S.) or 30th)

The Speedsters Family - created by ME! Gran Turismo Movie © SCEI, Polyphony Digital, Columbia Pictures