#Honestly how can you even not consider it

[midnightsinjune]

I could literally write an essay on all the things that led to me ultimately walking away from this friendship but it would be impossible to list it all. It was a decision that was a long time coming but was difficult to end because there’s no right way to end things unfortunately when you just simply come to terms with the fact that you don’t want to continue a friendship anymore. The harsh realization that you would not be friends with this kind of person if you were able to make the choice fresh today. Ultimately it took time alone to reflect, growing and healing myself to realize that feeling drained and negative after you are around someone you consider a best friend for years isn’t normal. I have had many close friendships with women throughout my life and nothing came close to how this one made me feel. She tried to appear like a positive person but she held a lot of negativity inside and as someone who was close to her for a long time it was very visible. I was just young and naive at the time the friendship started (she literally told me she initially didn’t like me before I even knew her or we had properly ever interacted lmao, red flag from the beginning) so after that when SHE extended starting a friendship with me for some reason I chose to be friends with someone who held many very visible toxic behaviours that I usually steer far away from. Immaturity, passive aggressiveness (this was so acknowledged as a part of her personality it was something constantly joked about in our friend group) pettiness, being judgemental (although always claiming she wasn’t but tbh I don’t think she realized she wasn’t good at hiding it at all), subtle digs, being condescending, crazyyy internalized misogyny, secret competition etc. Literally remember her telling me she prefers being friends with guys to girls at our big age and me sitting explaining why that’s not okay. Her not having any other close best friends who are women in the 10 years I knew her. I hope she genuinely thinks about why that is. So many examples I can remember of her just randomly disliking so many girls we knew and when I would ask why she’d say “she could just tell the vibes were off”. Honestly had never met anyone like that before and thank god have never since. Anybody else who knew the feeling of being her friend would have walked away sooner. The best way to describe it was uncomfortable. Always calculating, holding back, made me so uneasy. I never had the relaxed feeling around her that I had with other friends. With my other friends I always feel like both our walls are down. But with her it felt one sided always and I remember telling her this too. So many moments I look back on and realized were not okay but I just let slide. I regret not calling it out and but I honestly didn’t understand it and tried to see the good overall. These last few years I started really coming to terms with all of this, it’s like I always felt unhappy but never verbalized it. There was some good in there, which made it confusing, but ultimately it was largely overshadowed by all of the above. She would always tell me she felt lighter after hanging out with me and that was most often not the case with me. In fact it was the opposite, I would feel heavy. Ultimately I realized a lot of her negativity and pettiness rubbed off on me. Hence why I am blogging about this which is very out of character for me. The damage is done after associating with this behaviour for so long I have absorbed a lot of it. Hence why I finally decided to distance myself and then everything hit the fan. But honestly what ended up happening was just the catalyst I needed to finally walk away. Everything happens for a reason and definitely lessons learned. Trust your gut.

—Virginia Woolf

[banquetwriter]

୨୧ Sfw alphabet ୨୧

pairing: Bob Reynolds ♡︎ GN!Reader

warnings: ୭̥⋆*｡ NOT PROOF READ IM SORRY, probably ooc bob again i’m sorry, mentions of abusive parents, self doubt, self destructive behaviors

summary: ʚ ɞ

Words: n/a

A/N: BOUTA SEE THUNDERBOLTS FOR THE THIRD TIME FOLKS I GET TO SEE MY BOYYY WOOO

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

I wouldn't consider Bob an overly affectionate person normally, he grew up in an abusive home and really hasn’t had stability since. That being said I do think he learns to be affectionate towards ppl, especially you and Yelena. Specifically physical touch and words of affirmation make him the happiest. Small touches on his shoulder, grabbing his hand when he was scared, and pressing your foreheads together were some of his favorites. As he got more comfortable with you he'd start initiating more bc your just so cute how could he not wanna touch you smh

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

I think Bob is one of those guys you just can’t hate, he would be such an amazing friend to have. He’d always try to do his best even if he messes up a lot. I think regardless of the relationship you’d have with him he’d need reassurance even if it was subtle. He’d need someone to check in on him yk? Make sure he’s gotten out of bed every few days. Not babying him just checking in yk?

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

YUUUHHH this man would just die if you cuddled him, I def see him as a little spoon like ofc. Like any with Bob it’s small. Maybe you fall asleep on him one movie night… Maybe he doesn’t move. Eventually it’s all he can think about, just wanting to rest his head on your chest as his limbs wrap around you, consuming you in his grasp.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I think the concept of “settling down” is immensely foreign to him. He’s sworn off having kids probably, he just couldn’t bear the thought of passing his issues down to another person. Not to mention he’d be way too scared of ending up like his father to have any kids. That being said if you wanted kids and if got stable enough he probably would maybe consider yk. As far as just settling down if he got stable through therapy and getting married and just having a normal life would be good. With all his new time in the tower I think he’d really try and learn. And yeah he’s pretty good at cleaning. I don't think he likes mess at all.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Bruh he would be in SHAMBLES and it would definitely be because he either thinks he is bad for you or Yelena or the team thinks you're harmful for him he might break up with you too. It would be really sad lowkey. He'd tell you that he isn’t good for you, he's too unstable etc… I don’t think it would matter how much you begged him to stay if he truly thought he was going to hurt you (void probably) he might stick to it :(

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

I don’t think he’s opposed to the idea in ideal conditions but he never thought he’d get married ofc. He’s convinced no one would love him at all, least of all enough to spend the rest of their life with him. This is in no way canon but maybe his parents weren’t married so he’s never even seen a successful marriage let alone relationship before the thought of that much commitment would probably worry him. It would take a few good years before he proposed, honestly I’m thinking like 5-8 lowkey. If you proposed then to him that’s saying “I’m ready to commit to you, I’ll be here for you.” Which would make him cry a lot and he’d probably say yes bc it’s you ofc he wants to marry you.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Physically very very gentle, I think he hates loud sounds even though they are happy sounds it just is a little triggering for him yk. I think with you he’d never ever lay a finger on you even when he’s manic. When he is manic maybe being a bit reckless with his things like money. When he’s in a low he could be reckless the other way and give everything away :( emotionally he’s very skittish, we see that in thunderbolts he is very shy but he usually says what’s on his mind. I can’t see him being rude on purpose but during a manic episode he might be a little cuz yk

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Again this man loves physical touch but he won’t innate it a lot and definitely not at first. But he loves it every time you surprise him with a hug. He’s very much a ‘arm around your shoulder and the other one around your waist’ person. His favorites are when you hug him from behind thought, even if he’s taller than you. It makes him feel like he’s protected and safe and that’s such an important feeling for him.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

im ngl probably pretty quick in. He doesn’t say it to manipulate you literally at all he just means it in his heart and soul and he needs to tell you or he’s gonna explode. Of course he’s hesitant to say it but you’ve taught him to be brave (and Yelena is his personal hype man and tell him to just go for it)

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Honestly I do think he can be jealous and kinda easily, but he isn’t blinded by it. He knows he’s being irrational, but that doesn't help how he feels. He probably just wouldn't say anything and be mildly passive-aggressive until you force him to say he's jealous lmfao.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

like literally everything else about him very quiet and gentle at first then grows more and more confident over time. but also bro is a friend so once he has one he’s gonna get addicted. i think it’s the one thing he starts initiating way more than you (over time) bc bro is so down bad for you it’s not even funny. even if it’s just a peck on the cheek or the top of his head he’s greedy and needs more

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

again i don’t think he’s bad per say maybe just awkward. like he doesn’t really know at what age they start doing what so he’s just kinda staring at them. if it’s a baby he’s probably very scared bc obviously he doesn’t wanna hurt them and everything so it’s pretty a no go from him. if it’s like a 10 year old it’s a little better bc a ten year old knows how to talk lol, so again awkward but like eventually ok

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

i don’t think he’s a grumpy morning person per say, maybe if he didn’t get like aaaaanyyyyy sleep he’s a little grumpy pants. I think he probably didn't sleep unless he was high, which he is clean now, so probably pretty shitty sleep. i think he’s the type to not understand anything when he first wakes up just completely brain dead. Since moving in the tower he’s been trying to cook more and breakfast food is easier so that’s what he tries to do, and reading a book to keep his mind at bay :) since yall are dating he’s probably pretty clingy in the mornings, just like staring at you until you wake up like 0^0

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

i think of him as a night owl but not in the party sense, in the sad getting high in his room and staying up until the birds start chirping. again since he’s moved into the tower i think he has a more normal sleeping schedule now. nights are mostly just him trying to get his powers to work without void coming making an appearance. If he absolutely can’t sleep, a glass of milk and staring out at New York would help him. since he has you now he’s definitely having an easier time sleeping. he’ll cuddle right up to you and pass out pretty soon after

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He's definitely a more reserved person but he does say stuff about himself. if you asked he’d probably tell you, because it’s you he’d tell you anything you wanted to know but he also tries to explain why he acts the way he does sometimes. talking about his addiction and struggles with mental health he can talk about after a little bit of knowing you, but opening up about his dad would take a lot longer than that for him to be open about it. when you are open with him and talk about your struggles and past he gets really emotional bc you trust him enough to tell you stuff :((

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

I think he is decently patient about most stuff. when it comes to controlling his powers i feel like he could get impatient about that bc he just wants to be useful. when it comes to being patient with out people i feel like he’s kinda a pushover and will be tooo patient but when it’s relentless he’ll get pretty passive aggressive. we see that with walker in the vault pretty much do u can

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

we know Bob experiences amnesia after his episodes so he probably wouldn’t remeber a lot of stuff a lot of the time, but i secretly think he’d remember the little things if that makes sense. like the way you take your eggs for example. it just stick out in his mind for whatever reason. he’s just happy he has you there to help him remember.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

i think one winter the team decided to take a trip out, including Bob. he doesn’t get out much mostly from his own choice. he doesn’t want to accidentally harm anyone so he offers to stay behind. but with your encouragement he decides to go out. you bring him to ice skating rink (which he’s never done before growing up in florida rip) it’s outside and everything! he sucks of course but he has a lot of fun as you teach him (or both of you fail lol) to skate. sipping hot coco and taking in all the holiday spirit around you. it’s probably the happiest he’s ever felt in his whole life.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

i think he is naturally a very protected person especially over himself. it’s just a defense mechanism yk? he can’t get hurt or hurt anyone else if he doesn’t have anyone. once you break down those walls and show him he deserves to feel love and to love others, he is incredibly protective over the people he cares about, especially you. you are the love of his life no way in hell anyone is gonna ever hurt you. if your also a very protective person his heart will swell every time you defend him emotionally or physically. (but he’s also probably feel guilty your were spending so much energy on him T-T )

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

again bouts of amnesia so it’s not like he wants to forget birthdays or anniversaries he just literally might. If he does remember, he tries to make it so special for you. you deserve the most this world has to offer and he is gonna try. i also feel like he’d give practical gifts rather than expensive ones.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

the general self destructive behavior is the first thing that comes to mind. it’s pretty implied bob either has Bipolar disorder or BPD and a symptom of BPD is the destruction of one’s self through self sabotage or just general behaviors. cutting you and the rest of the team off to distance himself. when things get difficult it’s easy for him to not see the point in anything anymore which is a very dangerous and serious mindset to be in.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

almost not at all. Obviously he cares at least a little as everyone does but he isn’t obsessed with his outer appearance much. He considers himself an ok looking guy. Nothing good but nothing bad either. after the sentry serum and he gets really strong and his abs show up (👏👏) i think he’s maybe a little more confident ?? but maybe not we don’t really see bob before the sentry project :( all he knows if that you make him feel like that the most handsome boy ever.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

almost definitely. I don't think being in a relationship fixes your mental health but you definitely make Bob feel a lot more loved and cared for. Continuing to make progress would be impossible if something bad happened to you :(

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

i think he eats on the floor. sitting and eating at the table usually let to a fight with his dad, so as he got older he’d just sneak food into his room and eat it on the floor. as he got even older and started getting into trouble he often didn’t have a stable place or a place at all to live so he ate what he could when he could. and even now he’ll sit on the floor during movie night, just plop himself down right next to the couch.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Probably no one like rude. Sure he can deal with sarcasm or a lil rough around the edges but absolutely not anyone who is mean or rude lol. it would just make him sad :(

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

i’ve mentioned a lil bit already but doesn’t sleep very well at all, probably tosses and turns most nights. until of course you get there then instead of tossing and turning he’ll just listen to your heart beat until he falls asleep. :(

[daniiwrites]

Ties That Bind - Chapter 2

Pairing: Aaron Pierre and OC, Jade Laurent

Warnings: Minors DNI. Language. Hints of smut.

Summary: Now that the cat is out of the bag, Jade and Aaron begin to get to know one another, to see if there's more there than they initially believed.

Rebuilding my tag list, so please let me know if you'd like to be added.

Chapter 2: 

“What do you mean pregnant?? How the fuck is she pregnant?”

Aaron sighed softly as he looked over at Kelvin, slight irritation etched into his feline like features. His friend paced back and forth in front of him, seeming more upset about the news than Aaron himself.

“Did your parents not tell you how babies are made, Kel?”

“I mean, y’all didn’t use a condom?”

“Used quite a few of them. Guess one didn’t hold up. I don’t know. That night got pretty wild.”

“How do you know the baby is even yours? Are you gonna ask her for a DNA test?”

“It’s mine, Kel. She’s not like that. Hell, she didn’t even care that I’m an actor. And lets be real, it’s not like I’m rolling in money.” “Yet,” he corrected, shooting Aaron a pointed look.

“You’re right. Yet.”

Aaron cleared his throat before taking another sip of the whiskey Kelvin had poured him immediately after hearing that he was soon to become a father.

“She comes from a good family. She doesn’t need money from me. Her dad is Vincent Laurent.”

Kelvin narrowed his eyes as he wracked his brain for why that name sounded familiar. 

“The real estate guy?”

“Mmhmm…”

“Damn. How’d you meet her again?” 

“That afterparty in December… She’s friends with my stunt double and he invited her to the premiere.”

“How do you know it’s not his kid?”

“Cause I was the one who was all over her that night.”

“So what are you going to do?”

Aaron shrugged, taking another small sip of whiskey.

“Tell my parents… hope they aren’t too disappointed. Be a dad. I mean, honestly, what am I supposed to do? Stick my head in the sand and act like this isn’t happening? I can’t do that… My kid doesn’t deserve that and neither does she.”

“Have you told your team yet?”

“Absolutely not. Hell, I’ve only had a couple of days to wrap my head around it.”

“You are… startlingly calm about this. I would be losing my shit if some girl told me she was pregnant with my kid.”

“I’m still processing it. I wanted more from her before I found out about the baby. Despite the circumstances surrounding me getting her pregnant, I was actually interested in her that night. Very much so. And I am kind of excited. I’ve always wanted kids. Between the two of us, we can definitely afford to take care of a kid. And of all the women I could have gotten pregnant, at least I picked one who’s gorgeous and smart as hell. You know she went to Howard and got her masters from Cambridge? My baby’s gonna be a little genius.”

Kelvin snickered, shaking his head as he looked over at his friend.

“Well, you seem determined to do this, so, I got your back.”

“Appreciate that.”

—

They really should call morning sickness all fucking day sickness. Jade had been in the bathroom of her office puking for the last half hour. There was nothing left in her stomach and she was exhausted. She dragged herself up from the toilet and began to brush her teeth. Her pitch meeting from earlier had gone well and her calendar was clear for the rest of the day. She was strongly considering finishing out her work day from the comfort of her couch with Netflix to keep her company. She reapplied her lipstick and fluffed her hair in the mirror. 

“You got this, Jade…”

When she stepped back into her office, there was a large bouquet of blood red roses sitting on the small table near her sitting area. With a little smile on her face, she walked over, plucking the card from the bouquet.

“I can never thank you enough for the gift you’re giving us. I hope you’re feeling better. With love, AP.”

The man wasn’t even here and he was making her swoon. That’s how Chloe caught her when she popped in a few moments later, a cup of tea in her hand.

“Oooooh who are those from? They are absolutely beautiful. I brought you some ginger tea for your stomach.”

“Thank you, Chloe.”

She took a small sip of the tea, prepared with honey just the way she loved.

“You take such good care of me.”

“Like you haven’t taken care of me your whole life…” Chloe plucked the card from Jade’s hand and read it with a little smile. Smooth… real smooth. Jade smiled over at her little cousin, incredibly grateful to have someone like her firmly in her corner. 

“How did he take the news? She asked, nodding towards Jade’s still flat belly.

“Shockingly well. Honestly, I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“I mean, it’s not like you got knocked up on your own.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t have to be around. I googled him the other day and he’s kind of becoming a big deal… C’mere. Look at this.”

Jade dragged Chloe over to her laptop, quickly pulling up his appearance on the Jennifer Hudson Show.

“Aaron Pierre- that’s Mufasa!”

She couldn’t help the little giggle that bubbled up from inside her as she watch him dance down the spirit tunnel. She found it kinda dorky and super cute.

“Girl, your baby daddy is a whole meme.”

“And I didn’t even know who he was at the party. Not a clue. I just thought he was fine as hell. How did I not know who he was? The man is everywhere. I saw him on Entertainment Tonight last night..”

“I mean… you thought right. The man is fine as hell. I saw some of the comments under that video before they turned them off and those women are going feral for him. It’s kinda crazy.”

“Yeah… You know he’s called and checked in on me every day since he found out? Multiple times a day? Sent little gift baskets to the office…”

“That’s sweet. Bare minimum, but sweet. Have you two talked about how you’re gonna handle the munchkin?”

“He’s based here in LA for the next year because of some new show he’s on. We haven’t gotten too deep into custody agreements. Nothing like that. We’re still in the getting to know each other stage.”

“Yeah, usually people do that part first,” Chloe joked, ducking when Jade tossed a pen at her. “What about when he goes home? I’m gonna assume he’s not moving to the states just yet, huh?”

“He’s undecided. According to him, he’s seeing where things go work wise. So I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it…”

Chloe plopped down in the soft leather chair in front of Jade’s desk, crossing her long legs as she narrowed her gaze on her favorite cousin.

“And what about you? How are you handling all this?”

“Excited… grateful. Terrified. What if I’m not good at this? What if the baby gets here and he changes his mind and then I really do have to do this on my own?”

“First of all, you’re gonna be an amazing mom and this kid is lucky as hell to have you. Secondly, if he turns out to be a deadbeat, you got me.”

Jade shot her a grateful smile.

“When are you going to tell your parents?”

“Aaron suggested he just meet them first and tell them we’re dating. That way when the I drop the baby news, it’s not outta nowhere.”

“That’s a smart idea. Uncle Vincent is still gonna freak when he finds out. I think your mom is mainly going to be excited to be a grandma. If anyone deserves to be a grandma, it’s that woman.”

Thoughts of her mom brought a smile to her face. Jasmine Laurent was truly a powerhouse of a woman and Jade couldn’t have asked for a better mom. She actually was looking forward to telling her mom and soaking up all her parenting wisdom. Even if things didn’t end up working out with Aaron, her mom and Chloe would never let her down.

“She’s gonna be an amazing grandma… You know I cant help but to wonder about just how this all worked out. I’ve always wanted to be a mom and have a family. But I’m not supposed to be able to get pregnant on my own. And in waltzes this handsome man who completely upends my life and gives me the one thing I’ve always wanted. Sounds like a Hallmark movie.”

“Do you actually like him?”

“I don’t know him yet. But he’s gorgeous and gave me the absolute best night of my entire life. But I’d like to get to know him... see where it goes. Even if it doesn’t turn into anything, I still want to know what kind of man the father of my child is.”

The quiet buzz of her cell phone brought their conversation to a pause. Jade quickly checked the caller ID, unable to hide the little smile that tugged at the corners of her lips when she saw it was his name lighting up her screen.

“Hello?”

“Hey mama…” 

That deep rich baritone had her clenching her thighs together and her nipples tightening behind the silk of her bra. Instantly she was flooded with the memory of him talking her through it, his big body on top of hers and his breath in her ear. Aaron had recently taken to calling her the affectionate little nickname and she found that she loved it way more than she should at this point.

“How are you? Are you working?”

“I actually just got wrapped earlier than I expected. Wanted to see if perhaps you wanted to grab an early dinner? I can come to you if that’s easier.”

“I-,” she glanced down at her outfit. “I’d love that. What time are you thinking?”

“Gonna take me at least an hour to get to you from Burbank. How does six work? Give you time to get even prettier than you already are for me.”

The heat in her cheeks came back with a vengeance. 

“Six is perfect. And thank you for my flowers. They’re beautiful.”

“You’re very welcome. Can you do me a favor?

“Maybe… what’s the favor?”

“Wear a dress for me tonight. One that’s your favorite color.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” she said with a little smirk.

“I’ll see you soon, mama.”

Jade hung the phone up, a little smile on her face as she glanced over at her cousin.

“Your calendar is clear for the rest of the day. Please go ride that man to kingdom come cause you look like you’re about ready to fuck him through the phone.”

Jade scoffed as she stood and grabbed her bag, slipping her laptop inside.

“I am not having sex with him. That’s what got me in this situation in the first place.”

“Why not? It’s not like you can get pregnant again.”

“Because we shouldn’t complicate things anymore than they already are.”

“Babe… you’re pregnant with your one night stand’s baby. It’s already pretty damn complicated. Plus, you said you wanted to get to know him...see where this goes. I suggest seeing if y’alls chemistry is legit or if it was just an alcohol fueled romp gone wrong.”

“Chloe…”

“You know I’m right.”

“Goodbye,” Jade said with a little laugh. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Love you!”

“Love you too.”

Thankfully, traffic was better than usual and she made it back to her Manhattan Beach home in less time than usual. Once inside, she tossed her bag on her sofa before beelining it straight to her bedroom. Although she was serious about not sleeping with him, she still wanted to look absolutely delicious for him tonight. There was something about him that made her want to drive him crazy. The way those green eyes darkened when they’d settled on her that night was still fresh in her mind. He’d looked like a hunter who’d sighted his prey. She wanted him to look at her like that all the time.

Hot water poured over her smooth brown skin and she sighed softly, lathering up with her favorite vanilla caramel scented body wash. When her fingers drifted across her belly, she found herself wondering what she’d look like when she was showing. What would Aaron’s reaction to her pregnant body be? He seemed to love her breasts and hips, practically worshipping her body the entirety of their night together. Her nipples peaked and she shivered as she remembered how good the hot lash of his tongue felt against her overheated skin. She’d never been with a man like him before, one who took the time to get to know the curves and peaks of her body. Those massive hands and wicked mouth had worked her into a frenzy before she'd even reached for his pants. By the time she got him naked, her body had already been on the precipice of one of the biggest orgasms of her life.

Honoring his request, she picked a pretty orange body con dress, complete with a pair of strappy heels. Her pretty brown skin was moisturized and radiant and for the first time since discovering her pregnancy, she actually felt like she was glowing. A quick glance at her phone let her know that she only had a few minutes before Aaron was due at her place. She headed back downstairs and let her dog in from the backyard, grinning when the big black Shepard nuzzled her hand.

“How’s my sweet girl?” 

From the moment she’d brought Kali home as a tiny little puppy, she’d felt a kind of love she’d never known before. Kali was her protector and the one creature that loved her unconditionally, expecting nothing in return except love. She offhandedly wondered if Aaron liked dogs… Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard a soft knock at her front door. 

He was here.

Butterflies kicked up in her belly as she made her way towards the door and she didn’t know why. The need to impress him, to make him want her again was unfamiliar to Jade and she swallowed hard as she pulled the heavy oak door open. Aaron stood there, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he let his eyes drift over her. Goddamn… she was perfect. 

“These are for you.”

Jade tore her eyes from his fine ass face to see the bouquet of stargazer lilies he held in his hand.

“Thank you,” she murmured softly, taking the flowers from him and stepping back so he could come inside. “They’re beautiful.”

“You’re welcome. You look…incredible.”

Heat flashed in his eyes and Jade felt the answering pulse in her clit. Down girl. Kali ran up to him, curious about the strange man in her home. Her tag wagged softly as she sniffed him.

“This is Kali.”

Aaron squatted down in front of her, a huge grin on his face as the Shepard nuzzled at his hand. 

“Hi Kali… Hi sweet girl. Beautiful like your mama, I see.”

Jade couldn’t help the little smile on her face as she quickly put her flowers in a vase, keeping a close eye on her dog and Aaron.

“She doesn’t usually take to men like this…”

“Guess that’s good thing since she’s going to be seeing a lot of me, huh?”

“Is she?”

Those hazel-green eyes of his met hers as he rose to his full height, forcing her to look up at him. His eyes briefly dropped down to her lips before meeting her steady gaze.

“I plan to be around for whatever you need… whatever our baby needs. So yes, she should get used to me.”

Jade nibbled her bottom lip as she felt her heart thudding in her chest. He was saying all the right things so far, but this was the easy part. She’d see if he’d be around for the four am feedings and diaper changes. As much as she wanted to hope for the best, she had to be realistic about this. It was safer to just expect the worst. No disappointment that way.

“You mind if I wash my hands real quick?” He asked, motioning to her kitchen sink.

“Of course…”

Jade grabbed her purse, waiting for him to make his way back over to her. For a man of his size, he moved so damn silently. Once outside, he guided her over to his sleek SUV with a hand at the small of her back. It seemed crazy to her that this man had already seen her naked and yet a hand on her back was making her pussy leap with joy. Hormones.. it must be the hormones. She’d already started reading pregnancy books and was very aware that her hormones would be going haywire over the next nine or so months. 

His hand shot out before hers could, opening the passenger door for her and helping her inside. Jade couldn’t help but watch him as he walked around the front of the car, licking her lips when she caught the little dip in his stride. She knew she was down bad if the way the man walked was doing it for her. 

Conversation was light and easy as they drove towards The Strand House. Aaron couldn’t help the way his gaze kept drifting down to her bare thighs as he drove. He was trying his hardest to be a gentleman, but goddamn. The woman was a walking sexpot and there was something deeper, something that felt almost primal in the way he desired her now. Maybe it was the flourishing of life they’d created together. He wasn’t sure what it was but he felt this… almost magnetic pull towards her. After handing off the car keys to the valet, he opened her car door, reaching in to help her out. Even in her heels, she still barely came up to his shoulder.

“What’s that smile for?”

“You’re so tiny.”

His hand slid to her lower back as she glared indignantly up at him, only further proving his point by the way she had to crane her neck to even look up at him.

“Don’t look at me like that. You know it’s true.”

“I am a very average height, thank you very much.”

Jade couldn’t hide the laughter in her voice as they were led to their booth by the hostess. It was relatively private, tucked away in the corner of the restaurant. She scooted in, nibbling her bottom lip when he slid in closely behind her. The warmth from his thigh seeped into her bare thigh and she shivered.

“Are you cold?”

The intensity in those golden green eyes of his, framed with the kind of dark lashes she paid for, temporarily rendered her unable to think. She just shook her head, tearing her eyes away from his. Jade didn’t miss the way his broad shoulders shook as he chuckled. 

“You make me nervous…”

Her voice was soft and unusually timid. His gaze met hers again and this time, there was a little crease in his brow that she wanted to rub away with the pad of her thumb.

“Why? I don’t want you to be nervous around me. I want you to feel comfortable.”

“I do feel comfortable… that’s what makes me nervous. I’m not usually this comfortable with people I’ve just met.” She swallowed hard before continuing. “You make me feel like this is all going to be ok.”

Whatever he was going to say was interrupted when their waitress approached, handing them menus with a too big smile directed at Aaron. Once she’d made her retreat, Aaron turned his body more towards her, giving her his full attention.

“I know you don’t know me yet and my word means nothing to you, but I meant what I said. I do want to get to know you. And I want to be there for my child. Even if this,” he motioned between the two of them, “goes nowhere romantically, I will always be there for you as the father of our baby. I don’t want my child growing up feeling unloved or unwanted. Whatever I have to do to make sure the both of you are good, I’ll do.”

Her dark eyes searched his and he prayed that she saw the sincerity in him. It would take more than words to convince her. The only thing that would was time.

“How are you feeling about it now that you’ve had some time to think?”

“Happy honestly. This isn’t how I expected to become a father for the first time, but I love kids. I’ve always wanted them.”

“Me too. I’ve always wanted to be a mom.”

“Before, you said you didn’t think this was possible for you? Can I ask why?”

“Essentially, I don’t ovulate the way I’m supposed to. A few years ago, I had some eggs frozen in the hopes that I’d get married one day and we could try with IVF. But I guess… I don’t know. I guess the universe had different plans.”

Aaron nodded and she could see the thoughts behind those mercurial eyes of his. 

“Have you told your parents yet?”

“No… no… My mom is going to be so excited, but my dad…” she sighed, dropping her gaze to the table. “He’s going to be disappointed. I’m not married and he is very traditional.”

Aaron reached over, taking her small hand in his. His thumb stroked back and forth across the satin soft skin of her palm and the rhythmic motion comforted her.

“We can tell them together. I mean, if you want to. We don’t have to tell them the actual circumstances if that makes you uncomfortable.”

“I think I’d like that.”

The corner of his mouth tilted up in a little smile and she couldn’t help but to smile back at his fine ass. Damn… drunk her had picked a good one. Their waitress made her return to their table and took their orders. Jade crossed her legs, turning her attention back to Aaron.

“Tell me about yourself… The stuff I can’t find online. What’s your favorite book?”

“Like my comfort read or a book that changed me?”

“Ooooh…. Good distinction. Both.”

“Comfort read is most definitely Bloodchild by Octavia Butler. And when I was a teenager, my mother gave me a James Baldwin book called Notes of a Native Son. Blew my mind…”

“You just earned major brownie points for that one,” she said with a little laugh. “My mom’s favorite author is James Baldwin.”

“Smart woman. What about you?”

“Uhhh…. I don't have a specific comfort book, but I love a good thriller. The In Death series by J.D. Robb has never disappointed me. And a book that changed my life…. Oh… Bell Hooks’ All About Love. That one sat with me for a very long time after I finished it.”

“I haven’t read that one.”

“It’s beautifully written. I love the way she explores love beyond just romance, especially in this day and age. I have a copy if you’d like to read it.”

“I’d appreciate that.”

The way his deep voice dripped like honey made her nipples pebble beneath the thin fabric of her dress. How did the man make talking about books sexy? Almost as if he knew how he was affecting her, his eyes dropped to her breasts and Jade knew there was no way he could miss her body’s reaction to him. She could feel the flush in her skin deepen when he dragged his eyes back up to her face. 

“I know I said it earlier, but you look so beautiful tonight. I appreciate you wearing this for me.”

“Thank you, Aaron..”

“Mmm…” His voice rumbled in his chest. “I love the way you say my name.”

“You like making me blush, don’t you?”

“Might be my new favorite thing. I like making you do a lot of things.”

The way he was looking at her right now…the man was thinking a lot nastier than just making her blush. This time she didn’t look away, holding his gaze. Two could play this game. Aaron chuckled darkly when she matched his stare. Sure, making her blush was his new favorite past time, but bringing out this new side of her did it for him.

“You look so beautiful with my baby inside you. Did you know that? You were stunning that night. I remember I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. But now… baby doll, you are positively radiant.”

Her breath caught in her throat at his loaded compliment. Maybe it was because she was pregnant. Maybe it was because he was so fucking handsome. There was some kind of pull in her towards him. Jade couldn’t quite put words to it yet but it both fascinated her and scared her. They were supposed to be getting to know one another and all she wanted to do in this very moment was push the table back and straddle him right here in the restaurant, all the other patrons be damned. 

“How am I supposed to be getting to know you when you distract me so easily?”

The tip of his tongue flicked out to wet his bottom lip and his smile was downright wicked.

“Now you know how I feel. I’m sitting here trying to get to know the woman I’m tied to for the rest of my life but you’re so damn pretty, I cant focus on anything except how you felt that night. I’m trying very hard to be a gentleman, mama. I really am.”

He was lost the moment those dark brown eyes of hers filled with mirth and she leaned in even closer to him.

“What if I didn’t want you to be a gentleman right now?”

As always, please let me know if you want to be added or removed from this list.

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[rupnows]

Can you blame the parents? (In Samantha Rupnow's case, partially)

Here's a long post this Friday. After remembering that crossixir.com exists, I decided to pay it a little visit recently because I knew it hadn't been updated in quite a long time. When I opened it, I was greeted by this:

Which is really funny, because I sincerely doubt you can even slightly consider yourself a fan of this case without knowing that Jeff holds at least some of the responsibility for the incident. To cut the owner of the site some slack, we can assume that they meant the criminal complaint filed against him was what he was truly "innocent" in, but regardless of how much Sam wants to brag that she's this master manipulator that totally played him and got the gun through her own volition, she's an entirely unreliable narrator. I think developing a parasocial relationship with anyone involved in a case that you're currently researching is inevitable for anyone mentally ill enough to be involved in the TCC, and I don't necessarily think that's bad. What I can say is that it is necessary to learn how to take a step back and examine the incident from an outsider's perspective, instead of taking Sam's word as law. There's no reason to believe she genuinely tricked him into it, because that's just not in her character. What is in her character is exaggerating things for her manifesto. They also seem to say that the issue here is that Jeff didn't know about her plans, but that's meaningless in what the actual charge is: giving a dangerous weapon to a minor. Regardless of whatever he thought he was doing-- teaching her gun safety, bonding with her-- he's still complicit because that's a crime in any circumstance. We also know that the police visited the Rupnow home concerning her worrying online activity, and whilst we don't have the entire story, you can make the parallels to the Gray family yourself.

So, back to the topic and the title: can you blame the parents? I think that's an incredibly touchy subject when it comes to most crimes, because it isn't applicable a good amount of the time, and the perpetrators themselves argue against it. To get the argument of supposed hypocrisy out of the way, I should address my previous point about Sam being an unreliable narrator. What naysayers here will call out is that I'm basing my perception of Jeff and Melissa off of Sam's words, when I just stated that she couldn't be entirely trusted. However, the difference comes in the frequency and the circumstances of Sam speaking about her parents, as well as an actual witness seeing the substantially unusual scale of their arguments. As seen in the criminal complaint against Jeff, Sam had complained directly to a friend at Isthmus Montessori Academy that her father and her had a difficult relationship and that Jeff was a "drinker." This friend also stated to the MPD that he had seen an argument between Jeff and Sam where they were "in each other's faces." He also stated Sam informed him he was verbally aggressive. We know that Sam had a strained relationship with him based off Melissa's statements as well: as soon as she found out her daughter was the culprit, she became emotional and repeated that she was going to kill Jeff over and over again. So, I don't think we can necessarily absolve Jeff of blame. Let's hear some statements from the girl herself:

I’ve grown around people who do not care or give one single care in the world and smoke their lungs out with weed or drink as much as they can like my own father.

I’ve never really liked my father to be exact, because honestly why should I, our hate is mutual to each other, he will never see me as his daughter. He will never love me like he loved his ex or her kids or even alcohol but that doesn’t matter, it doesn't matter anymore because nobody heard me out and just made fun of me my entire life and I’m sick of it.

My so-called family never included me because I was too weird for them, my father never treated me with respect. My father will always make me stand out in the worst possible way yet, bring up how I fail school or can’t get out of bed simply because I don’t want to leave. He makes me look like a freak to his family and friends, he says so much but look at his bad side.

This doesn't exactly paint a good picture of Jeff, especially considering the evidence we've heard before. I believe wholeheartedly that Jeff's actions (and inaction) contributed to Sam's mindset preceding and during the shooting. Now, does this mean all of the blame is Jeff's? No, I think various other factors can be brought up: Melissa and her parent's general relationship issues, online grooming, school harassment, a lack of a support system, etc. But I see little reason to ever argue that Jeff deserves no blame or responsibility for what happened, and I especially reject the notion he's innocent in any capacity, considering his overly flippant attitude towards his own daughter's death. (If you haven't read his statement, he literally only tells people to lock up their guns, rather than address anything like mental health.)

But what about Melissa? Well, with her, I think it's a lot less open-and-shut. We don't have nearly as much evidence to label her as a bad person or state that she deserves some of the responsibility for what happened at Abundant Life, it's mostly statements from Sam and a more general view of her disliking her PARENTS, not necessarily Melissa. Regardless, I'll try and create a profile of her. To me, it seems like Melissa was absent in Sam's life, something that I wouldn't really say was her own fault. Jeff and Melissa's relationship was incredibly turbulent, and they divorced and remarried several times, this affecting Sam's mental state so much that her therapist gave her a diagnosis (or at least a recommendation) of PTSD. Sam had this to say about Melissa and her parents in general:

Once in awhile I get that same feeling just I know how to control it, that one night I begged for my mother to help me but she was in the next room to me in her apartment where she was with her boyfriend, awake cause all I heard was her walking right past me, and my room.

I was the wrong child of the family, my parents admit they didn't want me, nor never did even if i've grown. I’m always the one who sat out or sat in another room because they didn't want to interact with me at any point in time, then I stayed in my room all day during the day and night and after and before school as well. My mother tried overdosing when I was around 12 or something, I don’t care if she would have survived or died from it but yet she was still here, doesn’t mean she actually was in my life.

I see my parents as failures for everything they’ve done to me and just kinda fucking with my life. There never was helpful advice given to me, it was all bullshit, the world itself is bullshit to be fair though so why should I or you see so much in it.

I think the overall sentiment is that Melissa wasn't complicit, but I think her and Jeff marrying and remarrying and putting Sam through all the moving and custody battles at least contributed a bit. I don't exactly feel comfortable enough with my conclusion to directly state she deserves BLAME, but I will say that at least a little bit of accountability is necessary in this instance. However, Melissa is remorseful in contrast to her psychopathic ex-husband, and seemed disgusted and angry with him when she found out what had happened. That alone gives her a lot of leeway when it comes to blame. Still, Melissa stated that she had eavesdropped on Sam's conversations with her online friends and heard her daughter complain about her, but still didn't seem to change her behavior or try and patch up their relationship. That's where the partially comes from in the title.

I don't know how to conclude this. I'll probably write something over the weekend about the overall spread of blame/responsibility across various aspects of her life.

YES I KNOW ITS LONG I SAID THAT AT TWHE BEGINJIJNG

[buckleyanddiaz]

also I'm honestly considering if we're could see undefined pseudo roommates but EDDIE crashing at Buck's new place because he's bored and Chris is away with his friends more. we had Eddie try to hang out at the loft when Chris was away and he didn't want to go home in s7, right? Buck is hesitating on the 2nd beer and Eddie's like 'what? I can crash here tonight' and Buck can't exactly say no because why not and it's not the loft, there's maybe 2 bedrooms here, Eddie doesn't have to crash on the couch either. Eddie grumbles 'I don't know why you even moved out' and Buck is like 'I was just subletting Eddie, what would you do with twice the furniture?'. and Eddie's like 'well how many beds do 2 adults and 1 kid need, Buck?'. and Buck says 'three?' but now they're not really being confident and well. how many beds do two adults actually need.

[scleroticstatue]

He could increase his Skills and he could push competency to the equivalent of maybe 50 or 60 levels higher — even more if he actually put effort into learning magic — but he certainly is reaching the upper limits of what is achievable. There have been parties of people with 400 levels before, but they're usually on the smaller side, 3-4, so they end up with the same collective levels as a standard party of 100-200 level anyway. Honestly, Morwen's party is probably the strongest collective party Terrafell has seen in years, if not centuries (depending on how you consider time to move). Nik is a good idea, but he's not actually that high of a level. He's got enough Skills to make up for it, but he hasn't fought much since becoming Guild Master, and it's pretty obvious once he's in an actual fight.

It's not a bad base, and certainly there are weapons that can combine magic with physical combat — enchanted bows, artificial swords, etc. — that could at least sate her some. There's a good deal of regular combat in there, too! And country-running abilities, even if she doesn't necessarily like the absolute authority she's got, but yes. There is a purpose for magical combat, though I can't say what. It's too spoiler.

How many cousins does your OC have?

[bebx]

I've never seen anyone make the only question that matters, so I'll do it myself: should In-ho be drinking all that whisky considering he just has one kidney? 🤔

THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS skskssk this has been on my mind for so long. I've just never said anything about it.

Like... okay, so technically you can still consume alcohol if you're down to one kidney. But — while compared to most people with two kidneys — drinking alcohol when you only have one of the organ certainly heightens the risks of various health issues, putting unnecessarily workload on your kidney (singular) which can possibly then result in your kidney being damaged.

And In-ho's just... Okay, giving him the benefit of the doubt here, we don't know how much In-ho drinks. If he only drinks while he's supervising the game (which only happens annually) and otherwise actually takes care of himself and his health, then that's not gonna be an actual problem. I mean it's still not cool to drink with one kidney, but if it's only occasionally then chances are it's not gonna kill you or cause any life-threatening damage. But again... knowing about his trauma, unfortunately, it's also very likely that he's been turning to alcohol as some sorts of a coping mechanism and is having problem. And if that's the case, then yeah, that's an issue.

Honestly, I can see it if In-ho's self-destructive. He obviously knows alcohol versus one kidney is risky and bad for his health, but I can also see it if he just doesn't care and has been too depressed to care about his health since he lost his wife and child in 2015. Which is another heartbreaking thing about his character.

I've actually been toying with the idea of writing a whump fic where In-ho has problem with alcohol and it's Jun-ho who eventually comes in and insists on helping In-ho, even if In-ho tries pushing both Jun-ho and Jun-ho's help away. Jun-ho is stubborn.

But speaking of canon, even though I do give him the benefit of the doubt, it can also be interpreted or implied that In-ho has problem with alcohol. Maybe not bad enough for him to be considered an addict or an alcoholic, but with him already down to one kidney, the amount of alcohol he consumes can be risky.

(Actually, I think I actually touch this subject briefly in this fic I'm currently working on that should be out soon. It's not the main focus, but the fic will be about In-ho's trauma as well as Hwang bros angst, there will be alcohol involved and Jun-ho is not happy about that. Also I still want to write another Hwang bros fic that focuses directly on In-ho's issue with alcohol and how Jun-ho's helping In-ho get through it, even if the help is against In-ho's will.)

[study-diaries]

Things I Wish Teachers Would Understand

I have a life outside of school. I may be going through health problems or mental health issues or family troubles or financial issues. Literally, I can name so many things and of course, you won't consider it because the only thing you notice is that how I've not done my homework or how I got low grades in my exams.

Grades don't define me. Or my efforts. Or my self-worth. Just because I get high grades doesn't mean I'm more smart or disciplined. And just because I get low grades doesn't mean I'm dumb or lazy.

Mental health issues are real. Really real. And they are hard to deal with.

Learning disabilities are also real. You can't just get out of it. Working hard doesn't fix it. It's a real issue.

Being an introvert is not bad. IT IS NOT BAD. Period. I do not have to speak more in class to prove that I'm paying attention. It just means that I do not want to speak. I'm fine with being quiet.

I can forget things. I can forget that assignment that was due, I can forget to do the homework. And I can definitely forget about the test.

The things you say matters. Even if it is sarcasm. Even if it is a dismissal. Sometimes, it makes me stay up late at night. Sometimes it just stays with me throughout the day. So, yes. You should speak a bit more carefully.

Grades don't show my full effort. Sometimes, I try so hard and I still don't get it right. And when you say that I should try harder? That does shatter a small part of me, not because you told me that, it just makes me feel that I'm the one who's damn stupid and that no matter how much effort I put in the work, it doesn't matter if the grades are not there.

As a student, I will of course prefer some subjects over the others. It is not a personal attack. And it is not an invitation for you to tell me something sarcastic about it.

Calling out a student on their mistakes in front of the whole class or our juniors or seniors or any other teachers is not okay. It's embarrassing to us and makes us feel bad.

Small praise does mean something. Honestly. I remember every good thing a teacher told me because I'll be honest, most don't say very nice things.

Please don't try to force things on us. Whether it be competitions, extracurriculars or anything really. It doesn't feel good.

And if there are some students who misbehave? That doesn't mean the whole class is bad. And no, collective punishments don't help.

I also appreciate when you try. Like, really. I respect you because you teach dozens of classes a day and still show up to our classes with neutral moods. You have a lot of patience for dealing with us.

I really appreciate your stories, advice and the small tips that you give about life now and then. It helps. And yes, I do remember.

I also feel that sometimes that both our expectations come crashing down. You expect us to do good. We expect you to be supportive and passionate. And it's okay to let go of your expectations sometimes.

And I know you have stresses too. You, too, have health problems, mental health issues and family issues, financial issues. I know you have the pressure of making everyone pass through the year and delivering good grades. And I have to say, I understand you. I really do.

I'm writing this because I've had so many teachers expect so much from me. And I'll be honest, that pressure broke me. Seriously broke me. I also respect teachers a lot, but it also doesn't mean I appreciate their behaviors or actions. You make up the world that we currently live in and I say this, not just as a student but as a person.

(P.S. This has been in my drafts from a long time. This was like peak exam + pressure + stress season, so don't mind the not so small rant. And no, I don't have a personal grudge against teachers.)

[kanohivolitakk]

Honestly, for as much as the Masks of Power situation sucks, what frustrates me the most has to less to do with the project itself and more how this could impact future Bionicle-related fanprojects down the line.

So for a bit of background context, I'm a life-long Nintendo fan, and if you know anything about Nintendo you know that they're rather...draconian when it comes to copyright. In particular, they tend to be rather harsh with fangames, taking down games left, right and center. This has led Nintendo to gain a rather infamous reputation amongst transformative content creators: every time a notable Nintendo-related fanproject comes out people make "witty" comments of how said project will be C&D;d. Watch out, the Nintendo ninjas are going to get you, that sort of thing.

Thing is though, for as much as we meme on Nintendo being trigger-happy when it comes to fangames...that isn't exactly true. DGMW there's definitely precedent for this with how they have taken down notable projects such as AM2R, Pokemon Uranimium and Pixelmon, but said takedowns aren't as common as the reputation may lead you to believe. Nintendo doesn't take down every single project that may exist, they only take few and far in between.

But even if Nintendo's banhammer is greatly exgarrated, that doesn't lessen the impact it has in the minds of people. Whenever a notable project such as AM2R or Uranium gets C&D'd it sets the precident for other fangame developers. This could be happen to you if you aren't careful. Is it any wonder then thatt so many Nintendo fanprojects eventually shed their skin to become something original, as they fear the wrath of the big N taking away their hard-earned work.

So, with LEGO C&D:ing Masks of Power I dread it setting a similar precedent for Bionicle fans as it has for Nintendo fans. Heck, I already have seen people making Nintendo-comparasions in spite of the fact it is the first time something like this has happened regards to LEGO (there was the whole Duckbricks situation but I'd consider that it's own separate thing). So with that I wonder...could this kill the ambitious projects as whole? If something like this can happen to Masks of Power, arguably THE biggest and most popular fanproject, what abou any other project that reaches it's level? What does that say of other ambitious projects like The Mangai Project or Illiad, could they encounter a similar fate? What about projects that haven't beeen made yet, will this diccourage them from being made? It is a scary thought how this one situation could demotivate creators both old and new and that is scary. Especially since unlike with (most) Nintendo IPs that have been C&D'd in the past, Bionicle as an IP is pretty much dead. Ambitious fanprojects are one of the ways we keep it alive and if we stop making them, that will seriously damage the community down the line.

Of course you can just do what many nintendo fans have done, shed the Bionicle IP and do something original: the ex MoP devs are planning to do just that with the Rustbound project born of MoPs ashes. And I think there's merit for that, there's good in original spiritual succesors as there is with fanprojects honoring the legacy of the old. But that can't be the only way. Again, fanprojects are what keep Bionicle alive, and without it, the series is as good as dead, especially given how uninterested LEGO seems to be to revive it. That hole is something only fanprojects can fill, not spiritual successors.

There's also the fact that...not everything can be turned into an original story, no matter how much spiritual of a successor it is. Projects such as the Mangai Project, Illiad or Ide's Journey rely on the fact that they are transformaive fanprojects and can't be erased from tthose roots. Their core identity and appeal comes from their connection to Bionicle and how they play with that IP. Shredding those ties would just make the whole project pointless and lose a lot of it's depth and nuance, especially with the more intertwined or metafictious projecs. So while the "remove serial numbers and turn it to an original IP" may work for some projects, it may not work as well for others.

Admittely this whole situation scares me. One of the major reasovs I love the community as much as I do is how we keep Bionicle alive through these high-effort fanprojects. And for years, LEGO seemed if not supportive, at least neutral to our existence. So to have hat peaceful co-existence be broken could spell the end of the Bionicle fandom as we know i and I really don't want tht to happen. I love this community for being as ambitious and passionate as we are, and I don't want that passion to go away like it did (to an extent) with Nintendo fans.

[alwayssmilingvenison]

Michael huffed when Alastor wrapped his arm around to help. He’d rather the other didn’t touch him, but lashing out would make Lucifer upset and admittedly, Michael wasn’t sure which of the three Alastors he saw was the actual one. So he closed his eyes and followed along. He groaned as he was laid down, peaking his eyes open when Lucifer kissed his forehead. “Yeah… I will… Thank you.” He’d be fine in a few minutes normally with healing, but he was honestly tired. Alcohol just helped his exhaustion catch him. It wasn’t like he could do anything anyways, so he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep.

Alastor was dreading this talk as they headed to the kitchen. He scrubbed one dish as he tried to think of how to start this, but Lucifer beat him to it. He frowned as he listed before looking over. “...I tried so many times to tell you, I’m sorry, I just...whenever I would this voice kept telling me it was too soon. Ironic considering how fast we’re moving, but the truth… I was a coward and I’m sorry.” He apologized first before looking back to the dishes with a frown. “I upset Charlie… That’s why she ditched her babysitter. She knew I was seeing someone but…” He sighed. “I was a bad parent, I allowed myself to indulge too much. Normally she’s my world, I drop everything and anything for her, even work… Until we started seeing each other. She didn’t seem upset so I thought it was fine, but she’s a clever girl, I should have known better.”

“She noticed I took off my ring and that put her into distress. Originally when I found her still here, I was going to make her go, but she rightly put me in my place—don’t let her cuteness deceive you, she can be a little demon if pushed. I explained our relationship and she was happy with that, she had just been upset I kept her in the dark.” He explained, draining the water after he finished the dishes, drying off his hands and looking to Lucifer with a warm smile. “She’s a romantic and was so excited to meet you.”

Michael hummed. “I suppose…” Though she had quite a bit more time than the average toddler and observed more of the world than most...but he couldn’t say that… He also never knew a demon could be so bubbly, though she was part angel. Perhaps he should see about getting her into Heaven as well. He may have to kill Alastor, but it wasn’t like that was a high price to Michael.

He was pulled from his thoughts as Lucifer kept talking and despite himself, he smiled warmly. He turned his hand and squeezed Lucifer’s. “...I would do anything for you.” He swore. “You’re my brother and I love you more than anything.” He responded, an odd weight settling in his heart suddenly as he spoke the words out loud. It weighed heavy like...guilt…? Why? He had no reason to feel guilty! “Sorry about that.” Alastor apologized as he came back out.

“It’s fine.” Michael dismissed, “but it’s late, we should go-oh…” He had gone to stand, but his body disagreed and he braced himself against the chair. How much did he drink?! He was mortified to realize he didn’t keep track and that Alastor had kept providing more wine silently the whole dinner.

“Careful now…” Alastor warned, putting on fake concern easily. “I think you may have had too much. Perhaps you should spend the night. You can sleep in my room or on the couch.”

“I’d prefer the floor to your room.” Michael growled, unable to hold it in.

Alastor chuckled lightly. “No worries… Help me get him to the couch?” He asked Lucifer.

[tridentkickflipper123]

share ur bonus interesting night music video findings/rambles/analysis NOW!!!!!!!!!!!(please and also thank u:])

HIII JAGGY o/ honestly I could probably ramble about Night forever so... :} works out for me!

a lot of this are going to be things I've already mentioned on this blog, but they're pretty scrambled around so I might just make this a big post for all of it... consider this a 'nearly beat for beat Night analysis plus some other things and details' masterpost. not much of a lyrical analysis though because I'm not good at it lol. (also putting this all under the cut. thumbs up)

so, for starters... well, I'm not starting off with Night! nope! we're starting off with Spring and a Storm (now imagine a big arrow pointing towards me that says 'person that can't stop mentioning SaaS/StaaS at any given opportunity')

and the reason I'm bringing up Spring and a Storm first is due to the ending lines, which lead up to Night:

now, I'm aware that Spring and a Storm was the very first Tally Hall cover that Chonny made, and thus was made waaay before there was an overarching story planned for it. but ☝️ I do think CJ placing it right before Night in the final album (and assigning it to Soul, of all three... four? of them) is immensely relevant. in SaaS we get shown Soul's outright optimism/idealism despite his circumstances, and, while this is my own interpretation (which could very well be wrong!), I do think these lines are meant to be directed towards Heart and Mind specifically

and, this has never been confirmed since once again, this cover was made way before there was a story, but the final lines do sound an awful lot like Heart and Mind, don't they?

personally I think this is why CJ placed SaaS right before Night – it truly is the perfect lead-up to it. Heart and Mind singing the final lines almost feels like a call and response to Soul's beginning lines. they tried to sing once, about spring and a storm...

but we know how it goes.

[here's where I actually talk about Night lol]

now Night... it honestly may be my favorite CCCC MV out of all of them. I said so in that other post, but there's so much detail in every single scene. you can really tell that just about everything was planned out.

the MV itself starts off with Soul/potentially Whole arriving at the scene. it's interesting, actually – if we assume the silhouette is the same silhouette as the one that's in the latter half of Night, then that's definitely Whole, which would make sense as we properly see Heart, Mind and Soul arriving to the scene later. yet, all his lines are transcribed as Soul's, so... eh? I'll leave that in the air

I do interpret this beginning section as Soul guiding Heart into harmonizing with Mind. Heart's line, 'open the window, look out and see me' fades into Mind's voice, at this point, when he sings 'slow, I am coming a long way to be' the environment turns into a bright white.

I like both of these shots a lot. here we see that Mind and Heart are already feeling their respective pains (headache and heartache). but another detail is that Mind's holding up his left hand while Heart is holding up his right – which correspond to Soul's own nail color (black on the left, white on the right)

as Soul sings 'such as I am mother's only son', we see what seems to be an ultrasound scan overlaid on top of Soul / Whole. honestly, it's so hard to see that I'm still not 99% sure that's what it is even with the brightness turned up + more contrast, but I don't really know what else it could be. it's only present through this specific line too.

(this is such a typical 'blink and you miss it' CCCC detail that I can't help but love it. there's a few more like these scattered throughout some of the other MVs and each one makes me go like WHAT!!! HUH!!!)

now comes another detail that's honestly so hard to see in the video itself, but it feels really really important, and that is the fact that Heart does not have a blindfold on in this scene

(Ever is the light on.) [Is the light on ever meant to run?]

right after we see a door starting to open, in a bright environment. afterwards we see Heart puts on his blindfold

we go back to the shot with the door, except the environment is now dark. the door keeps opening, revealing Mind at the other side. worth mentioning that the only bright spot on the screen is right where Mind appears

[Cold, but I’m outside and waiting to see] (a glow in the snow, coming closer to me.)

this whole imagery with the door is important, due to both the incoming lines and another reason I'll bring up later, so remember this detail. after the chorus, we get a section with only Soul.

{Better when the light comes in the night-time, opening the door. Hoping to be right, it’s open every night, so what’cha waiting for?}

Soul is inviting Heart and Mind to harmonize, guiding them and giving them the space to connect with eachother. however. as we saw, they don't want to see eye to eye with eachother. or rather, they can't – not at this point of the cycle, at least. there's a tension there that's still unresolved, made evident by Heart's avoidance of Mind

and then comes the tines line:

I've explained in my other post what I think the line means, so I won't repeat it here. (also because I'm lazy lol). but I do think this shot itself is interesting. we see Soul alone throughout this entire verse, only going back to Heart and Mind during this line. and they're both clearly in pain; Mind with his constant headache and Heart with his chest pain. they're also not looking at eachother, with a clear split between them, Mind's environment being brighter and Heart's environment being darker. it's clear they're not on equal grounds here

here we get the second chorus again, but there's a clear difference. Heart and Soul start this line off singing together, but at the very end it's just Soul singing

{I want to see your) eyes, looking back and out through mine.}

here, Soul takes a pause right before the last word, there's a just barely audible sigh, and then sings 'mine,' alone. to me, this is the moment that Soul realizes that this isn't going to be possible, at least not in the state that things are in.

(Something is real.) {Maybe not.} {(Something is gone.)} (Something is here.) [Only thought.] {(What do you want?)}

I won't say much about these lyrics, as they're admittedly hard to parse for me as to what they mean exactly. (though it does feel like this is the point where Soul's given up on his initial task). I do think that it's notable how this is the only instance I can think of where Soul directly talks towards only Mind.

the continuing line is this:

{([Everything else will fade away.])}

as this line plays, we see Soul, Heart, Mind*, and we see Whole, and then… the video reverses, and keeps reversing up until the point where the door is closed again, Heart puts on the blindfold.

to me, what this means is that all of the progress made through the song, the attempt made by the three to see eachother's point of view, to harmonize, is now undone. they're now back at square one.

*one little detail about this part is that both Soul and Heart are looking downwards, while Mind is looking straight-ahead at the camera... which could mean nothing /ref

as the final chorus plays, there's a different, darker static filter over their shared screen. they're all singing together until the very end, where only Soul remains singing. the lyrics change too, from 'looking back and out through mine', to 'looking back and into mine'

... and then we fade into Ruler of Everything. *stock sfx of children cheering*

considering how both Spring and a Storm and Ruler of Everything were covered before there was a story planned, the fact that CJ chose Night to bridge them together works perfectly IMO. we go from 'some semblance of peace' to 'an attempt an harmony' to 'nevermind shit has hit the fan'

I could in theory talk about Light as well, but I don't have a whole lot to say about it compared to Night, as it doesn't have as many minute details that Night does (none that I've noticed, at least). I imagine it's due to the lyrics being far more straight forward to the CCCC lore, since Night is more of a 'faithful' cover compared to Light (which was very much intentional, IIRC)

so yeah. that's my Night analysis, kind of 👍 I didn't proof-read this post as much as I did the other so I may edit this post later if I notice a glaring issue later on or want to reword anything or something. little carbonation and I'll see you next time, later /ref

[doodler16]

🤣🤣🤣 okay so the pandering is pretty obvious when you consider how desperate Vivziepop is to pull this out of her ass like this for extra money considering she's down in the tank in sales, merch, and views AND needs daddy moneybags Amazon to try to fix her shit she already destroyed. Honestly this makes me hate Vivziepop more because instead of fleshing out loona as a character, "nah fam we gotta make more money somehow bitches so get to it" 🤪. I get were getting a short but at the very least she's a literal background character and I think even more so than Millie at this point ngl. I get seeing Bee or Verosika considering their character, and fuckass stolas because... well look at the way he's written but loona? I just don't see it. It's obvious pandering to degenerate desperate furries which makes furries look bad since it's stereotyping hard. We had SO much time to develop loona for YEARS but yet Viv wasted her for the stolitz show and then it was confirmed that stolitz is literally the focus??? What the hell is going on in her head? I don't wanna see that bumass rapist owl twink crying "oh woa is me" and blaming Stella, blitz and the audience for his fuck ups he himself created or shitting on his daughter he literally abandoned. Girl needs something not literal shit piles of nothing, no development, and a short that probably might not do much. I mean, Yeah man I hate loona with a fiery burning proud passion but even I will come out of the closet and finally say bitch deserved better at the start. Pilot loona was the real loona. Bring that girl back! Not sexualize a character for her looks who's just shit all around because that's what Viv unfortunately wanted.

I’m not too surprised there’s going to be Loona based lingerie. She’s been sexualized to death, they acknowledge it via a joke. Always been marketed and featured more in merchandise sales than being in the actual show. I do hope the minor fans are aware this is not actual merchandise they can display in their bedroom, backpack, etc. It’s lingerie, same with Verosika 😂.

[dandysworld-meh-imagines]

i hope you know we're all greatly enjoying what you're writing

as for the request, can you do yatta x reader who's worried about how much candy she eats

Yatta With A Reader Who Worries About How Much Sweets She Eats!

Yatta reminds me of myself a lot sksks always chasing sweets and chocolates and everything, haha. Thank you so much for your kind words, dear anon!! I'm really trying here.. sometimes I feel like I might not do everything well, haha, but thank you for your words!! Here you go, thank you for requesting! <3

Also this is funny that I'm doing this request after her introduction card came out VERY recently sksksk

(She's so cute AAAAAA!!!)

-Anna

-It's not a secret that Yatta absolutely ADORES sweets, candy, chocolates, you name it! She is often seen snacking on them, it feels like it's the only food she eats, honestly! Her sharp teeth always are seen tearing the wrapping around the candy or a delicious chocolate bar like there's no tomorrow before she eats it happily, like she finally found some precious water in a harsh, hot weather. You couldn't lie, it was cute seeing her munching on those but it did concern you a lot about her health, especially when she ate so many of them!

-It didn't help that she often drops candy behind a lot, too, out of her, it's no wonder she has access to so many of them! But what can she do, really? She's a piñata and she can't exactly hold onto them in her arms forever! You try to also pick up after her, whether with your arms or holding a basket so you won't struggle carrying them all but just try to hide that basket away from her, if you can, she WILL come back for them, one way or another. Time to test out how you can really hide that stuff, especially an entire basket of it!

-You might have to ask for help from the others, asking them about a good hiding spot or even asking to put the basket in their rooms or you just give the candy away! Just don't let Yatta see what you do with it and keep an eye out for more candy. Yatta isn't exactly upset that you take them away, especially the candy that she can't keep holding on to but she really wishes you give them to her later on! She does stop and consider your words about her not eating so much candy because you are worried about her and that. It's that she can't really resist when she sees how colorful and tasty they are so you try to help out with it whenever you can.

-It's when you try to figure out ways to stop her from consuming so much candy. You felt like hiding them could even make the urge worse, as when another candy pops out of her with a small explosion, you best believe she is jumping on it and eating it like there is no tomorrow, since she hasn't had one for a while. It's also when you can't really stop her but you can try picking up other candies and keep telling Yatta a firm "no" when she tries grabbing one from the basket, it takes her a bit but she does stop eventually, even if she says a small "aww.." and sighs. You do know it's for her own good, though, you're worried for her!

-Sometimes she hides her own stash of candy in one of the vents she uses to travel to everywhere in Gardenview, she's not really the most secretive about it though as she likes to laugh when she munches on them and it's not really quiet. You have to convince her to give you the candy and it takes a good while before she gives up. Yatta knows deep down it's not healthy so she doesn't stand up to you about it honestly, she knows you care for her health, after all. She even begs you for at least to leave one behind and you sometimes give in to that, making her hug you tightly as she is nuzzling you for a good while, a big smile on her face.

-Once, you came up with the idea to make healthier alternatives that still treat her cravings for sweets. You really needed Sprout and Cosmo's help for that so you went to them. They had to look for a healthy recipe in the cooking books or something that truly was much more healthier yet could satisfy Yatta's need to overconsume candy. Thankfully, you did try out new recipes, you had to sit Yatta down to try them. She ate the ones that LOOKED like sweets or candy and she even happened to like the taste! She ignored the ones that didn't look like it and you could see Sprout's shoulders drop at it with a thin line on his mouth but at least he was glad she ate the other ones.

-Those two even taught you the recipe for it and even let you borrow a part of the kitchen for it. Sprout is glad you found something because he was also worried since she consumes so much candy, so he does pop every once in a while to help you out, especially since you love Yatta so much. He really respects your effort to go this far to help her. If he and Cosmo have some extra time, they help you out by making it and leaving it for you to grab later on. That way, Yatta gets what she needs earlier to satisfy her harsh cravings for some sweet sugar. You like to make a lot of these and feed her small portions, that way, you have more and she still gets the same satisfaction when she eats a small piece of candy.

-But for the times where you DON'T have it, it's kinda hard to convince her not to chomp down candies like no tomorrow. You try to come up with different ways like telling her to perform tricks, asking for hugs and cuddles or anything else you can so time passes or she doesn't have much energy anymore, making her collapse on top of you as she sighs from being so tired. Yes, Yatta was energetic like no tomorrow but it doesn't mean she doesn't get tired, too! The thing is that she gets her energy back a bit TOO fast though! Honestly, just being close to you is enough to get her in a playful, energetic mood, always ready to do more! Your warmth when you hold her close or stroke her head gets her hyped up again!

-It's kinda silly but one thing you like to do is offer her kisses so she doesn't think about candy right now. Honestly? It kinda works? It does seem to satisfy some cravings of her and Yatta just likes the way your lips feel against her own. Do it often and watch as she randomly approaches you and leans in to give you a big kiss. You also like using it as a reward for when she holds long enough without eating candy, even if it's around her. She doesn't want to make you sad or anything so she does try.. and most times, she is able to push through! At least these results are better compared to the beginning where you tried this trick to her, she can go longer now and feels happy to kiss you.

-Honestly, it does take a long time to see actual changes in her behavior with the whole candy thing but you definitely notice the small changes bit by bit as time goes on and on and your plans seem to work slowly on her. Her love for candy and sweets was still there and still very strong but at least it seemed to be getting better as she ate more healthy stuff, especially when you encouraged her and helped her get used to those. Yatta even ate more types of food rather than just candy and sweets and that, actual food that's good for her! You definitely feel more calm and are happy she managed to adapt and you love to praise her for it, making her feel happy and hugging you, lifting you up with ease as she spun you around with excitement.

Thank you for reading! <3

[heretyc]

do you think franco's ever experienced actual aftercare? if not, do you have hcs on how he'd feel and what he'd think when receiving it from his partner for the first time? considering his past endeavors I'd imagine not, but I Do Not Know!

Ooh I love this!

Long story short; not really. His life has been hectic since he popped out of the womb.

Honestly, to me he seems like he both thrives in and despises [hates, even] the harshness that is the lack of aftercare. I think of this image for some reason,

He looks pissed off but he's also giving "agony", you feel me? The soft gloomy colours and the sharp, intense red. He thrives in the chaos but deep inside, wishes he had a "mommy" to comfort him.

Angelina likely just used him for her own benefit and let him to rot, which contributes to that sort of agony, imo.

Abuse victims can have a difficulty differentiating between what's abuse and what's love, and I feel like sex can be affected by this; aftercare to him might feel...off. Like genuine "I love you" gushy shit might make him disgusted or shy away. Especially since his self esteem's low, he might fight you on it a little bit. No lotion, no bath with essential oils, just fuck off and go to sleep. He has shit to do. He won't be back. [He will, but he wants you to miss him. That's what he's always wanted, someone to miss him in his absence.]

Assuming you're in the routine and he's finally used to it, he'll be somewhat twitchy. He's not used to gentle touches or soft words. He can't let himself be too trusting, but he starts to associate the touches with calmness and love.

At his core he'll crave it, outwardly he'll hate it. It's weakness. You have to be special and patient to really make him like it. [Wanting care is not weakness, but that's learned behaviour to him, unfortunately.]

"Some people survive chaos and that is how they grow. And some people thrive in chaos, because chaos is all they know."

[baseonezero]

you can choose to write for this or not but its con from both sides!!

dom!bin going nonstop on you and always reminding you to say the colors during sex in fear he may take it too far and the first time you call a red and he instantly switches off and just insane aftercare (fluff fluff fluff after hard sex lol)

can i just say i really love your works hope you are having a good day/night <3

my god i love this idea 🤗 i honestly didn't do this any justice but i tried and i hope i didnt misunderstand the whole using colors idea :( also thank you so much ml! i hope you have a good day/night as well <3

mdni

sex with hanbin was always amazing but after having watched a bit of porn, you got a few ideas that you wanted to try with him!

you liked just how aggressive the men were in the videos and you wanted hanbin to disrespect you the same way they did to their partners.

when you told hanbin about this, he seemed a little hesitant to agree. he was worried about hurting you but when you brought up how you can say colors to express whether or not things were good, he seemed to be more open to the idea and took your hands into his. “yeah.. okay then. i can make that happen,” he smiled at you sweetly.

after striking your cheek with his palm, he gripped your cheeks and made you look at him. “color, baby?” he asked, slightly worried but mostly hoping that it was okay so he could keep going. not once had he ever considered about treating you this way in bed but fuck, now that he's doing it he’s becoming obsessed with it.

“nghhh green—” you barely managed, holding your legs up as he thrusted into you at an animalistic pace

satisfied, he lifts your hips to bring them closer to fuck into you harshly, his balls slapping against your cunt.

he was so addicted to watching your fucked out face and the small winces you’d make whenever he slapped you, pulled your hair and squeeze your throat and you enjoyed the feeling just as much.

his thumb rubbed at your clit as he wrecked your cunt with his cock, never failing to hit the sensitive spot hidden inside of you.

you were growing tired and closer to your release and when it finally hit, hanbin was surprised to see you squirt all over his cock. the mess was so arousing and it further encouraged him to fuck you harder, holding your legs and pushing them farther apart.

he was pounding into you like his life depended on it. his fingers digging into your hips and were sure to bruise later. "what color?" he groaned, looking down at you.

"g-green.." your arm fell over your eyes, feeling too good to even think properly.

three orgasms later and it seems like hanbin was just warming up as he realigned his tip to your fluttering hole.

“waitwait red!” you called out and immediately, hanbin stopped and pulled himself out, his hands naturally finding their way to cup to your cheeks. “you okay?” he asked, feeling somewhat guilty that you even had to say that color.

you nodded, trying to catch your breath and collect yourself. “yeah… just really overstimulated,” you huffed, the corners of your lips lifting.

hearing that was a relief and hanbin wasted no time on cleaning you up and removing the sheets, replacing them with a blanket as a temporary cover.

he then lies next to you and drapes his arm over your waist, pulling you close and showering your face with kisses. “well that was something, wasn't it?” his voice with soft.

you nodded slowly, your eyelids feeling heavy. "mhm. i liked it but it was a little too much f'me... at least for the night," you smiled sheepishly, shoving your face into chest.

"you took it really well though. good job, baby," he planted a kiss onto the top of your head.

[crustyfloor]

Thinking back on Till's POV, the lack of it makes Till's personality difficult to articulate. But I like how multi-faced he is as a character, very flawed, and contradictory... (although endearing), sometimes he confuses me with his constant highs and lows. He's very malleable and sensitive and honestly doesn't try to suppress it. Yet he outwardly hides so much of himself and is majorly avoidant of confronting certain aspects of what he feels and spiraling. Because of all these factors, he's a very emotionally unstable (often escapist), immature character, and following this train of thought as his emotional arc progresses is interesting.

For instance, from the beginning. In his childhood, I always thought Till had a boyish personality, but I constantly think about the way Till goes back and forth between having an unrealistically romantic perspective, or he's a closed-off yet passionate character with a lot underneath

To acknowledge his flawed traits Till shows himself to be weak-minded, has a child-like arrogance, and short-sighted (this isn't to say he's an asshole sometimes on purpose honestly, seeing the way he's just as quick to treat others with kindness and politeness, but those traits are a part of his character...) whilst he is also a timid and kind-hearted and insecure person, even though he has a timidity about him and, as aforementioned, insecurity about his safety and self-assurance because it has otherwise been compromised over and over again by the constant and explicit abuse he suffers, he holds onto to a motivating and empowering factor about his natural talent for music and art- that because he's the best of the best at music among his peers, even if the world destroys him as long as he has music he can do anything and protect himself, and what he cares about, nothing else matters, so he absorbs himself into immersing in his inner world and his art&music. In a way that explains why he acts like a chuunibyou ("HAHA...WEAK PET HUMANS...I'LL BEAT YOU WITH THE BLOOD OF MUSIC RUNNING IN МY ВОDY! HEHE!"), When it comes to his music, he's very certain about his ability because he knows what the aliens think of him and how much they regard him (though that's also not very consistent; his confidence is secretly in the dumps)

TL: @/SegyeinArchive on twit

In his idealization and idealized self, he finds his function. Alongside this, he finds purpose in Mizi, a perfect, inspiring, and dreamy person in Till's perspective, which is why he's so attached to her, if not because of the relief she is to him by simply allowing him to play with her. That is why I describe him as an escapist, too, because that is what he does when the world is too much for him, that is what Mizi is to him in this environment where cruelty is a constant, feeling isolated and living in abuse makes a child seek out a safe and secure connection, and Till clings to that when he meets Mizi and she is often portrayed as Till's muse and his motivation, because of exactly what she means to him as someone he feels deep affection for and wants to protect

Then again, Till is simultaneously careless about his close friendships. He is, unfortunately, absent-minded/awkward, and is only meticulous about his music. Even though he could have a better situation, it's another area of life where he's fumbling. It's shown in how he deals with Ivan. He has a close bond with Ivan and seems to genuinely consider him close (But I already kinda talked about that).

source

They see each other, but cannot truly see eye to eye because he perceives Ivan as odd, and Ivan irritates him. They didn't know how to help themselves. It's highlighted in their story that they never learned how to approach each other. At that time, Till was completely oblivious to what Ivan truly thought about him, and he didn't need to know, in the case that he was probably actively shrugging it off, too distracted with other things in his life. Ivan wouldn't force him either way.

There is also his dynamic with Mizi, it's conveyed in many ways that he only has an idealized perception of Mizi, that simpler and lovable side. So insecure over the fact that he's not brave enough to confront her and too shy and closed off to make an effort to truly get close to her (so much so that even the ever-trusting and socially oblivious Mizi was thinking that he didn't really like her)

TL: @/SegyeinArchive on twit

His profile puts it way better: Till has a simple ignorance that is a double-edged sword. He can be content for a while, but under intense pressure, it becomes a weakness

There is a lot that correlates to why Till has the lowest rating of all characters in terms of emotional strength; he has too many weaknesses, relies too much on his dependency, and is reactive to stimuli and triggers in his environment. Even though Till has a resilient spirit, he can't see himself not leaning on Mizi or living without her. When Ivan dies, he's forced to confront so much of what he hadn't before, and it sends him spiraling while he's already dealing with the loss of Mizi. Even though he is a rebellious character, he lashes out at the aliens on pure instinct, not because he had a methodical form of rebellion in mind. And he gets treated like a rabid animal and beaten down for it. It's bound to get to him when all his defenses are destroyed. And he's unequipped to deal with the emotional turmoil he goes through as the story progresses. That is the arrow that comes back to stab him in the back.

In round 2, his foolishness and lack of tact are re-established. I believe this is the part where you can really describe Till as short-sighted (and impulsive for how quickly he killed his guitar, even if it worked in his favor) because here he passionately expresses his genuine confession of love for Mizi in hopes of at least her acknowledgement in a pretty inappropriate setting (no ill-will there, but definitely odd). In Round 5, a crucial moment for Till's character development is shown. Till's fearful dependence on Mizi's well-being keeps him wanting to stay by her side. But when she's gone, he's lost. The tension that prompts his character development reveals how truly emotionally unstable he was to begin, and in Round 6 and Round 7, it shows the full depth.

At this point in his character development, it's hard to grasp him because his volatility is sporadic. His emotions are visibly all over the place, but it makes sense. I believe Vivinos meant to paint the picture of a multi-faced trauma victim with continuous overlapping traumatic experiences, and what they made of him: a biting and cornered animal, truly something broken and grasping at straws, and his misery is raw, and when he circles back to how he was in the very beginning when he sees Mizi after so long without her, hopeless and afraid? Almost everything, including his impulsivity, escapism, and naive ignorance, was re-established. When looking into his character psychologically, he's so fun to research...

PLEASE LET ME HAVE HIS ACTUAL POV I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE