#Hermitcraft coffeeshop au

[soemthingsparkly]

The Hermit Coffee Co. Pt 1

I got made redundant without entitlement to redundancy pay a couple days ago so I needed to make comfort art so have this hermit coffee shop chatfic I spent most part of the evening on

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Grian and Mumbo 10 Nov 23 7:32am

Grian: guess who got the fucking job then

Mumbo: was it you

Grian: of course it was me

Mumbo: nice

---

The Hermit Coffee Co. 10 Nov 23 8:04am

Grian has been added to The Hermit Coffee Co.

Xisuma: Everybody welcome Grian to the team. He'll be working weekday afternoons, with the occasional weekend shift.

Joe™: welcome to the gang, Grian :B

CleoZo: hey fresh meat!

Impulse: Hey Grian, will be nice to finally meet you :)

Grian: hey guys! im excited to get started

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ScarGT and Mumbo 10 Nov 23 10:31am

ScarGT: ahoyhoy MumboJumbo

Mumbo: Scar, I told you to stop calling me that

ScarGT: but it's your name, is it not?

Mumbo: when we were freshmen, scar

ScarGT: pish posh! you're never too old for a nickname sir jumbo

Mumbo: hello scar what can I do for you today?

ScarGT: so this grain fellow - is this your British friend?

Mumbo: …

Mumbo: yes

ScarGT: intresting intresting

Mumbo: is it?

ScarGT: why of course!

ScarGT: gaining a new member to our little bodare is always exciting!

Mumbo: bodwhat?

Mumbo: nevermind

Mumbo: don't scare him away immediately, okay? you lot are intense as it is

ScarGT: I can't believe you'd suggest such a thing mumbo!

ScarGT: I would never do such a thing as that

ScarGT: the fact that you think I would is inconcivebel

ScarGT: inconsievible

ScarGT: I can't consieve of it!

Mumbo: oh yeah? and what did you do when Bdubs started?

ScarGT: …

ScarGT: Well

ScarGT: Hm

ScarGT: In my defence I didn't realise Cub had already poured two shots in beforehand

ScarGT: I didn't know it even was possible for eyes to blow out like that in real life!

Mumbo: see you tomorrow Scar

Mumbo: and it's Grian by the way

ScarGT: what did I say?

ScarGT: dang it

---

The Hermit Coffee Co. 12 Nov 23 9:01am

Xisuma: Shipment of coffee coming in tomorrow. Should arrive after lunch rush. Can someone who's on let me know and I'll come and put it in storage.

Joe™: yessir

Xisuma: Thanks Joe.

---

Grian and Mumbo 12 Nov 23 9:12am

Mumbo: Sorry in advance for whatever shenanigans are inflicted on you tomorrow

Grian: well thats ominous

Mumbo: I'd warn you ahead of time but I don't know what he might have planned

Mumbo: just don't drink anything Scar makes for you

Grian: who

Grian: oh wait thats your college buddy right?

Grian: ye ol American Frat Bro™

Mumbo: we were not a frat

Grian: werent you?

Mumbo: we weren’t

Grian: just a house full of nerdy frat bros getting wasted and redstoned together

Mumbo: it wasn't a frat, we were just living together

Mumbo: we were roommates

Grian: and they were roommates

Mumbo: I'm not having this conversation with you again

Grian: remember the time you rang me at like three in the morning because you were on a four day bender with the boys

Grian: and you were off your face

Grian: and you kept saying you wanted to tell me something but you couldn’t remember what and you kept dropping in sentences about redstone from conversations you’d had hours before

Grian: do you remember that Mumbo

Grian: do you

Mumbo: …

Mumbo: in my defence that was Tango's idea

Mumbo: and also it wasn't a bender, it was a swarm session and it was finals and

Mumbo: why am I explaining myself to you again

Mumbo: I'm not explaining this to you again

Grian: what was it you guys called it again?

Mumbo: don't make me say it

Grian: something beginning with a J

Mumbo: Java Circuit

Mumbo: but it was a joke

Mumbo: not a frat!

Grian: hahahahahahahahaha

---

Java Circuit -1 12 Nov 23 11:13am

Tango added Impulse Tango added Skizz Tango added Zeddaph Tango added ScarGT

Tango: So this is definitely the guy Mumbo's been crushing on for years right?

Skizz: Oh absolutely

Impulse: Most definitely.

Zeddaph: What guy?

Impulse: Zed, you really need to start reading the work chat.

Zeddaph: Well I would if it wasn't all weekday admin stuff I don't need to know!

Tango: what else do you expect from a weekend boy?

Tango: Hey, Z, why don't you pull yourself away from that PhD of yours for two seconds and pay attention to something that actually matters?

Skizz: XD

Zeddaph: oh right yes my apologies

Zeddaph: how dare I seek to expand my mind and pursue an academic career

Zeddaph: may the heavens forgive me

Tango: forgiven

Tango: now go read

Zeddaph: alright alright I'm going

Impulse: :)

Skizz: I'm gonna interfere

Impulse: Skizz, no, leave them alone!

Tango: ahaha

Skizz: aw come on impy

Impulse: Be nice!

Skizz: what do you mean be nice?? I am being nice!

Skizz: If our beloved MJ needs some gentle nudging then consider me a nudger

ScarGT: what's this?

Zeddaph: okay okay I'm caught up

Zeddaph: hang on a second, Skizz doesn't even work at the shop 

Zeddaph: how does he know before me!

Skizz: because I pay attention

Impulse: Yeah and because he thrives on workplace gossip.

Skizz: and that, yes

ScarGT: wait what are you guys talking about?

Impulse: Sorry, Scar. We’re talking about Mumbo’s old friend.

Tango: Mumbo's old British friend

Tango: the one that's starting tomorrow

Skizz: little mumby's loverboy

ScarGT: what?

ScarGT: you mean Grian?

Impulse: Yeah tango thinks mumbo is crushing on him.

Skizz: as we all do.

Impulse: As do we.

ScarGT: why do you think that?

Tango: scar, are you serious?

Tango: the guy basically funded his move here

Tango: they're always texting

Tango: they were basically always on call during senior year

ScarGT: well sure

ScarGT: but

ScarGT: I just assumed they were good friends

ScarGT: like Skizz and Impulse!

Skizz: yes but you forget an important part of that comparison scarface

ScarGT: what?

Skizz: me and impy are special

Tango: jeez get a room you guys

Impulse: Okay, but in Scar's defence, they could just be good friends. We’re jumping the gun a little. 

Tango: nope, no way

Skizz: I know what love looks like, impulse

Tango: it looks like a fully grown moustached-man mooning over the tawny haired British guy on his computer screen

Skizz: this is what love looks like, impulse

ScarGT: you really think Mumbo's in love with him?

Impulse: At least a crush, maybe.

Skizz: absolutely head over heels

Tango: I mean think about it Scar

Tango: if Mumbo wasn't trying to hide something, why haven't we met the guy yet? 

Tango: He's been in the country for at least a week now

Tango: and there was plenty of opportunity to introduce us over call, too

Tango: you know why we haven’t met him yet, scar? 

ScarGT: why?

Tango: its because Mumbo can't control his broody face around him

Tango: also wheres @Zeddaph gone?

Skizz: he's afraid of love

Tango: coward

Tango: @Zeddaph

Zeddaph: Hello yes

Zeddaph: would you believe this weekend boy is working his weekend shift?

Zeddaph: I'll catch up with your mother's meeting when I don't have a queue out the door thanks very much

Skizz: …

Tango: weekend waster

Skizz: total weekend waster

---

Grian and Mumbo 12 Nov 23 10:44pm

Grian: [image attachment]

Grian: this kind of thing is good for tomorrow, right?

Mumbo: yeah, looks ace mate

Grian: alright cool

Grian: why am I nervous about this?

Mumbo: new jobs are scary?

Grian: I've done scarier things

Mumbo: well yeah but it's a big group of new people in a high pressure setting you’re not familiar with yet

Mumbo: I think you have every reason to be nervous

Mumbo: but don't worry, I start at 10, so I'll be there before you and we'll close down together later :)

Mumbo: it's all going to be good, I promise

Mumbo: the guys can be a little intense but I know you're gonna love them

Mumbo: they're absolutely insane so you'll fit right in

Grian: pfft thanks

Mumbo: don't mention it :)

Mumbo: are you gonna knock off soon?

Grian: I'll try but I've been having vivid dreams again

Grian: like I'm stuck in a confined space and I feel compelled to

Grian: anyway

Grian: yeah I'll sleep soon probably

Mumbo: you want to call? don't mind keeping it on overnight if you need it

Grian: I'll be okay I think

Grian: Pearl's TV is on in her bedroom and it's actually kind of soothing lol

Grian: feels normal I guess

Grian: what I assume is normal anyway lmao

Mumbo: alright

Mumbo: listen I'll probably be awake for a bit anyway, Zed's sent me part of a manuscript he wants me to have a glance over so just text me if you need me

Mumbo: I should probably be heading off soon myself but you know I can't help myself with this kind of stuff

Grian: you can't ignore the call of a Java Circuit brother

Mumbo: ha ha

Mumbo: that's not what I meant but I know you know that and I know you're making fun of me so i won’t bite

Grian: ;)

Grian: just get some sleep, yeah?

Grian: I'm gonna need you to make sure I don't make a fool of myself tomorrow

Grian: not that I will, obviously, but just in case

Mumbo: I'll make sure you don't make an absolute spoon of yourself mate, don't worry

Grian: cool thanks

Grian: alright I'm gonna crash

Grian: I'll see you tomorrow

Grian: don't stay up too late

Mumbo: sure thing

Mumbo: Night Gri

Grian: Night Mumbo

---

Grian and Mumbo 13 Nov 23 2:44pm

Mumbo: I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO DRINK IT

Mumbo: AND WHAT DO YOU DO

Mumbo: YOU DRINK IT

Grian: YOU KNOW I HAVE NO IMPULSE CONTROL

Mumbo: I TURNED AWAY FOR ONE MINUTE

Grian: WHICH IS PLENTY OF TIME FOR ME TO DO THE THING I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO DO

Mumbo: GO TAKE A TIME OUT

Grian: I CAN’T I CAN FEEL MY HEARTBEAT IN MY EYES ---

Joe™ and Wels 13 Nov 23 2:45pm

Joe™: are they… texting each other across the room?

Wels: I try my best to keep my head down and not to get involved

Joe™: that's sensible

Wels: yeah i think so

[thatonewatercat]

i’m posting Smell’s Like Coffee onto Ao3 now too! if you prefer to read it there. i’m gonna post roughly 2 chapters a week, and 3 chapters are already up. its a college au with Etho and Bdubs, rivals to lovers, coffee shop au, that was originally a 10k dare but has grown into so much more and yeah! check it out if that sounds cool to you!

[iiyoshi]

This is a one time thing only. But BOAT BOYS >>>

Eefo♡

Pairing : Smalletho(Joel x Etho) /r /p

Additional Tags : Eefo(lmao), coffeeshop-ish AU?, Hermitcraft, it's so weird because they're in-game but also not yk?, just the two of them being a mess and totally not obsessed with each other

"Eefo!"

Etho could only laugh as Joel was stuck behind the counter, helplessly trying to take his order.

"Alright, alright! Chill." He finally says, paying for his coffee.

The shop was relatively empty this morning, and given how most people were off traveling, the server was quite empty.

Etho grabs a seat, one where he can silently admire Joel from afar without being too obvious about it.

Surely, he wasn't the one obsessed. Joel was.

Right?

As the coffee machine chimed, Etho watched as Joel grabbed a paper cup and a marker, scribbling something.

"I'm the only one here, you know?" He gestures at the empty shop. "You don't have to write my name."

"I-I wasn't doing anything of the sort!" Joel stammered, quickly turning to pour Etho's drink in his cup. "Besides, you wouldn't have seen me unless you were staring. Obsessed much?"

"You're the one obsessed!" Etho quickly fired back.

Oh, how childish this silly game was between the two.

"Here. Your order, Eefo." Joel quickly places the cup on the counter and heads towards the back to do.. well, things.

Etho called out a quick "thank you" and left the shop, his coffee in his hand.

As the doorbell chimed once more, signaling Etho's departure, Joel finally poked his head out from the storage room and let out a sigh.

Had Etho realised any sooner instead of quickly running away to get out of the awkward situation, Joel might've died of embarrassment right then and there.

What was he thinking? Was that his attempt at being charming? Funny?

He sighs, grateful at the fact Etho hadn't realised or hadn't pointed it out; yet, disappointed Etho probably hadn't, and might not, realise.

Little did he know, Etho was stood right there outside the coffee shop, hand over his masked face, cup in the other, staring at the name Joel clearly had written -- Eefo♡

- × - × - × - × - × - × - × -

I'm sorry. I think I got a bit obsessed over these two. You could see this as platonic or romantic, personally I just think they're a cute duo and I couldn't help myself :cry:

Of course, both real human beings!! so I don't hope to make anyone, especially them, uncomfortable.

Thank you for reading <3 now let's go overanalyze Neck Kisses again

[mawofthemagnetar]

THERE IS NOW PODFIC OF A PERFECTLY NORMAL COFFEESHOP AU!

GO CHECK IT OUT! THIS IS SO COOL!

Thanks to CodaVivace whose work this is! Seriously, give this a listen, it's fantastic!

[blocksruinedme]

So I wrote 5k in for the 48h mcyt exchange. This number of words would have been more reasonable if didn’t also run a ttrpg session, play one, host a watch party, and deal with a fandom thing that sapped my energy for the rest of Friday. Really I mostly wrote it sat night and sun morning, with 3 hours sleep in there. Yeah, I know. Massive thanks to @that-tall-queer-bassist for suggesting most of the shop details and @toasted-cricket

What did it take me to finally publish a fic with no Jimmy or Joel? An exchange assignment! Which, magically, somehow, let me publish the first gem/oli/pearl fic. I tried to give my recipient several things they asked for, which turned into “Gem tries to let her hc/emp friends date and scatters everything, eventually she finds them at a cool laundromat/pinball arcade/coffee shop/open mic stage based on a place i liked in San Francisco”. Which is oddly specific, but I didn’t even think about Joe + pinball when I picked it. I said “I can’t write a coffeeshop AU, wait, I can write a Brainwash AU!”

Fandom: Empires and some Hermitcraft

Ships: JoeHills/Oli, Gem/Oli/Pearl

Words: 5071

Style: Gem thinking about her life with flashes of people living in the coffeeshop, no dialogue. “Introspective Character Study” aka all i ever do APPARENTLY

Characters: Gem, Oli, Pearl, Joe and one fWhip bit

And below the cut, some pics of dearly departed brainwash, at folsom and langton in san fransciso <3

[edit: omg i spent so much putting the pics into 2x2 and 3x3 sections and they're all just there, sigh.]

[vapemaster42069]

🤡 ⛔ 🦅

:D hello!!

🤡: i have a little unposted thing imma stick under a readmore below because i was hysterically giggling the entire thing i wrote it and idk if i'll ever post it lols. here: !!

⛔: oh my gosh, so many. i'm notorious for starting fics and never completing them because of one reason or another; usually i lose inspiration or get a new idea to hop on. most recently, i was planning a 20+ chapter fic that i had about a half planned and a third written that follows a scarian life series+hermitcraft timeline. mainly, i wanted to write the angst bc that's waht i enjoy lols. (ok so. respongin to this actually inspired me to finish a scene so i might end up posting at least one part somewhere lmao, can always rely on you for inspo :] ). uhh, another one was just a party during the hc/empires crossover, one was a jrwi riptide hamlet au, there was a thanatos backstory thing that was Very similiar to Kaladin from TWoK if you're into that, there was a southlands coffeeshop/pottery class thing, much ado twelfth night au because i thought the convolution was funny, and a lot of chatfic-style crack stuff that i live for but will Never see the light of day

🦅: depends on the fic! i have a doc where i scribble down ideas, quotes, or good sentences, so sometimes i'll go off that and ball with whatever strikes inspiration, but i do have a tendency to do specific au's where i know where it's going! (rip jrwi twelfth night au draft you will be missed. ao3 draft deletion hates me fr). kinda off-topic but i feel like i frequently have a starting point and an ending point, especially for longer works, and i have a really hard time filling in the in-between scenes! probably, i should outline more than i do lmao.

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"Joel, have you gotten shorter?"

"I- What? No!"

"No, I swear you look shorter." Grian paused and backed up, looking him up and down quizzically. He rubbed his chin to hide the quirk of a smug smile. "Scar, come look at Joel. Does he look any shorter to you?"

Scar, who had been slowly picking the leaves off of a plant, wheeled around. "Hey, yeah, he does, now that you mention it!"

"Scar!"

"Weren't you like 11 foot last time I saw you? You only look like 10'8 now," He leaned back in his chair, lifting a hand as well to scratch at his beard.

"Must have taken out the lifts in his shoes," Grian nodded sagely.

"Grian!"

"Little Timmy's rubbing off on you now, Joel--"

"I do not have lifts in my shoes!"

"--Every time you visit him, you get smaller."

"I do not-- I am not-- wait! I'm 11 foot, still!" 

"It's okay, Joel," Grian couldn't hide the amused lilt in his voice, "Us short kings have to stick together."

"Us-- HUH? I am not a short king!"

"What's this about short kings?" Sausage, ever with good timing, strolled around the corner and casually leaned on a fencepost next to Grian, propping an elbow on his shoulder. He leaned over and promptly toppled over with a yelp when the unsupported pole moved, before Grian hopped out of the way, grabbing him before he could smack his head on the ground. "I love sho-- waAAAH-- thank you, Grian--I love short kings. I am a short king! What do you have against short kings, Thunder Cheeks?"

"Hold on--"

"Nothing, Sausage! I'm just not one!"

"--Thunder Cheeks?" Grian squeaked.

"Oh, yeah, Joel's Thunder Cheeks, or Thunder Daddy! When his cheeks clap, thunder happens!"

"... I don't know how to respond to that,"

"Which cheeks?"

"Scar!"

"Whichever ones you want to,"

"Joel."

"That an offer?"

"Scar."

"Only if you want it to be,"

"Joel, I swear to god,"

Sausage giggled, his eyes alight. He had, evidently, already had his third cup of coffee today, based on his buzzy hands as he spoke. "You know what we gotta do, the four of us, is go to my tavern sometime! It could be like a double date, I'll show you a dance!"

"Like a-- no, Sausage, we aren't-- I mean, I haven't--" Grian could feel his face burning, "Scar, back me up here,"

"I'd love to go on a double date with you, Sausage! Would Joel and Grian be together, then?"

"Uhh. I mean, sure! Totally..." Sausage sideyed Grian, who looked away, desperately fanning his face to try to ease his blushing. It wasn't working very well, "So, you and I, and Grian and Joel! it's a date!"

"A double date! Oh my gosh, Grian, I'm so excited, we gotta get you out of that red sweater and into something snazzy?"

"I-- Scar, I look so snazzy in this sweater!"

"I mean," Scar wiggled his fingers at Grian, his eyes lighting up, "You're adorable with it on--" Grian squeaked. "--but not formal, like for a date! Come on, let's get dressed up all fancy!"

Sausage clapped his hands, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Ooh, Scar, I might have this beautiful vest that might fit you, if you need one? The color would really pop on you."

"Oh, maybe! I could show you the shirt I had in mind, if you'd like!"

"I'd love to! Oh my goodness I'm so excited, maybe we could match shirts..." Sausage trailed off as he dragged Scar away by the hand, grinning, going a nerve-wracking speed down one of the hills surrounding Sanctuary, towards the nether portal.

"In about 5 seconds we're going to hear a crash, aren't we,"

"Most likely." Joel turned to Grian, a smug look on his face. "Anyways, Grian."

"Don't you dare."

Joel grinned, crouching down to his height. Grian scowled. It was a bit funny, as Joel was approximately 6 feet taller than Grian was, so he was fully doubled over in a squat to meet his eyes. "Got your eyes on someone, pretty bird?"

Grian covered his face, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. "Joel, I swear to god--"

"I won't tell him!” Grian looked up at him.

“Promise?”

“Promise. But I can’t guarantee I won't never blackmail you for it,”

Grian sighed. “I guess that’s all I can hope for,”

“Are you– is it that uncomfortable to go on a double-date with him there? Because, I mean, I could invite some other Empires members too if you think it’d help. Make it more like a server party than a date?”

“That–” Grian paused, looking extremely relieved, “I don’t want to ruin it for you and Sausage, but that would be a lifesaver, I think.”

“Then it’s done! We can probably drag Timmy in, and if he comes, Tango and Scott will come, which will get Oli, and Sausage can get Keralis, which means Jev will come, and I can probably get Lizzy, who will get Doc and Impulse, and– Well, we can figure out the specifics later, I’ll text Sausage.”

Grian sighed. "Well, what are you wearing?"

"Uhh. This?"

"You're wearing that to our date? Wow, Joel. I see how it is," Grian mock-pouted.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" Joel startled, playfully indignant.

"It's not bad, you just wear it every day!" Grian winked, "Let's get snazzy."

[hannah-fannah9503]

I miss being hyperfixated on Haikyuu and being able to read cute little coffeeshop or college aus now I'm hyperfixated on empires and hermitcraft and the life series and dsmp and all I feel is pain and sorrow because the block people inflict such things upon me

[soemthingsparkly]

Does anyone wanna ask any Hermit Coffee Co. questions? 👀

[soemthingsparkly]

Blog Intro, Ko-fi Link, and Tags <3

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Hey guys! I'm Jaz or Luminous (depending on where you find me).

I'm a 26 year old, self-employed writer who writes fanfic and dabbles in fanart inbetween projects.

Being self-employed means I set my own hours, but if you'd like to help me dedicate more time to my fanwork and community creations, you can drop me a tip over here at my new

Ko-fi page!

My Ao3 username is LuminousMe and you can find me here!

If you any of my creations bring you joy and you have any spare change, please consider grabbing me a coffee!

Tags below the cut:

｡ﾟ: ∘◦☾◦ Personal Tags ◦ ☾◦∘ : ｡ﾟ

#jaz draws - my drawings! These are primarily fanworks, but the odd personal drawing might slip in there!

#jaz writes - my writings, including links to Ao3 chapter links and the like

#jaz answers - answers to asks

#draw requests - I take drawing requests and this is where I keep them!

⋆✩. Fandom Tags: .✩⋆

#The Hermit Coffee Co. - This tag will take you to everything related to my current Hermitcraft Coffeeshop AU. This fic takes the form of a chatfic with snippets of prose and follows the interactions of the Hermits as they navigate the chaos of working in hospitality, while dealing with love, life, and lattes.

(More Tags added over time)

Thanks for taking the time to check out my pinned! I hope you have a great stay and a lovely rest of your day :)

[blocksruinedme]

Ask game: thoughts on coffee shop aus? :)

Grade: COMPLICATED

OKAY so you found a complicated one. Because I decided I can't just rate all AUs as F, right? Though thinking back apocalypse au would be way way down, because i have enough grimdark elsewhere.

But coffeeshop! Mid response I remember there was an AU I *adored* in The Untamed fandom, that was most art pices with a couple sentences. But the artist had a gigantic document with everything that happened in this reinarnation-and-coffee-shop AU, and their friends published several fics based on the document. I was desperate for more and I would drop everything and go running if more came out. I love the fuck out of that one.

And now, further mid response, I am wondering how that AU affected what I did for the 48hours gift exchange i did in march. I struggled with what to do with the prompts, and it turned into coffeeshop au + "something like reincarnation" -- due to Gem's hubris, everyone in empires and hermitcraft got flung out into other worlds, and Gem eventually tracked them down to a coffeeshop in San Francisco. I think I tried to cram too many things in, cause my recipient said they'd come back with a comment later a never did. :-/ And it was like 5k in 48 hours, it was hard work, but it was an experiment.

ANYWAY for this I used a coffeeshop i loved that no longer exists, Brainwashed in San Francisco, with links to pictures, it was coffeeshop/stage/open mic/laundromat/pinball machines location. And while my recipient didn't like it, I had one lovely lovely comment who got hit with intense san francisco nostalgia, so i brought something good to someone else, so it's not a waste, just a bummer.

(hey anyone who does bangs or exchanges.... a least thank them for podifccing/writing for you, in public or on ao3, just "thank you for writing!" is better than silence. Also a kudos, please. Really it's a miracle I'm still doing events after the experiences I've had! But hope springs eternal.)

Rating:

D: Not my favorite. I avoid it if I can, but it won’t necessarily put me off reading something.