#Hello darkness. My old friend.

[toloveaghost]

最近的煩惱是手抖得明顯，字都寫不好，很醜。一筆一筆筆劃，硬是會顫抖扭曲。不稱心。

晚上跟維尼約。他一直都是努力到身心耗竭的A型人格，今天他對我說，他試著用我的慢步調生活看看，躺在床上一整天，不知道要做什麼的時候，就想：鸛亭會做什麼呢？然後他體驗結束後覺得，這樣好像也不錯，滿舒服的。

我意外又不那麼意外：發作時下不了床是很辛苦的經驗。一個禮拜，每天除了2-3小時起來進食和上小號，其他的事都沒辦法做。能想像嗎？甚至也斷藥，因為拿藥要拿好幾種，分別把它們剝開，去倒水，回來，吞下藥，太多步驟了。這同時造成了斷藥的不適體驗：心悸、噁心、頭暈無力，更加重了痛苦的感覺。我想，若是我沒有重度的憂鬱症發作的經驗，或許直覺也會認為躺在床上一整天是很放鬆、懶懶的，悠閒的事情。但其實整個過程都是用力的：你不斷努力試圖突破靜摩擦力的水平線，想著坐起這個動作八個小時，想要完成什麼事情，但毫無精神動力，同時，無比希望停止當下的痛苦，最後發覺這彷彿永遠不會結束，將會繼續被困在這個狀態中。我可能在任何時間因此痛哭，或感到憤怒。又同時，無比恨自己是一個毫無自理功能的真廢人，連身為正常人的最低標準都達不到。地球真的在運轉嗎？人們在周圍正常生活著嗎？我感覺我在一個不見天日的深淵的細縫之中。

沒有人會理解，方圓百里，沒有人待過這麼深的地方。沒有人，會願意下來，我會成為他的負擔。

不過我只是笑一笑。

[mjulmjul]

raised from perdition

[twistedsea]

[miss-lauryn-hill]

"one of the greatest feelings is when someone else's mind is in sync with yours." (x)

@pscentral event 30: friendship

[flowerscentedartist]

Nightmare: You don't even have real parents! You were adopted!

Ink: At least I was wanted!

Nightmare:

[ladykeyleth]

[Keyleth] steps towards a far street of the city, towards a bounding, beautiful cherry blossom tree. As it climbs up, its color now muted with moonlight. Of Catha casting across it in grays and whites.

[ninoochat]

The son of a bitch is never gonna let me be happy. He needs to die today.

[qqueenofhades]

Kinda feel like I need someone to tell me that it's gonna be okay.

[sharpace]

I'm fine.

Been microwaving Fionna and Cake and back on my Simon Petrikov nonsense. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Leave a tip! (Ko-Fi) | Store

[teandragons]

if i had a nickel for everytime a wildclaw napping ft. a small bird was requested -

top: Cymbidium #69695823 for Worgen

bottom: Wanderer #81722202 for Dessy

The Brightshine Illuminarti is open and I will be opening slots over the next two weeks! Please come support Light if you can. \o/

[samijey]

Jey Uso at RoW (March, 2024)

[vane-sya]

hello darkness, my old friend by nanahwang

[ohmypuckingod]

5 Mar '24 // Players react to Lindy's departure

"Obviously disappointing because, when the coach gets fired, it comes down to the players... Just shows we haven't done our job up to this point... When [Ruff] came in, I was just a young guy, you know? He just let me be myself and play my game, and develop at my own pace. And now I'm at where I'm at."

[kybee1497]

Its always oh im so mentally stable oh I haven’t cried in weeks and then ao3 goes down and the truth comes out

[thebibliosphere]

When you can feel the migraine starting to hit...

[mjulmjul]