#Heh… it’s called Dragonborn..

[l0ves1te]

would yall like it if I posted the storyboard of the fanmade ninjago season me and jack have been workin on

[dracobrooklyn]

Durge Headcannon #2

|| MDNI || 18+

Durge's relationship towards the other Party Members If you don't know, this is about if Cannon Durge was a Companion instead of a playable character. These are my headcannons so not everything is cannon. If you want more Durge check this Masterlist here

also the Tav!Reader is in a Fem!POV

CW: threesome, murder, and killing.

Durge very much is in love with Tav!Reader, after connecting with you, how kind and patient you are with the White Dragonborn. He very much loves the way you comfort him, how you talk to him almost anything that comes to your mind, he loves listening to your voice. So How does he feel about the other Members of your party around you? And around him?

Astarion

Safe to Say Durge isn't a huge fan of Astarion. The pale elf being very much cocky, arrogant, and never gives you any respect. Durge glares maybe even curls a lip growling softly. He could care less about what happens to the elf. Even when he found out he is a vampire! He quickly get's over protective over you, a slave to Sanguine. He wasn't gonna let you get bitten by this coward. If Astarion tries to flirt with you, Durge comes up from behind you protective. Besides Durge want's you, he be a better match than Astarion. He actually cares about you, this vampire just wants you as a blood bag that's all. Even when you and Durge become a couple, and Astarion offers to join you both in a threesome, Durge would flat out say no, end of story, he rather smear Knoll shit onto his face than let Astarion share the same bed roll with you. He's fine with you and Astarion being friends but... if Astarion tries to pull something on you, Durge won't hesitate to beat the shit out of him... maybe kill him if he get's away with it.

Shadowheart

He does not mind the half elf girl, the cleric that isn't too bad around you. She does at least give you some sort of respect as an ally and maybe even a friend. Shadowheart might be one of the few people that maybe notices Durges feelings towards you. She even was amused with the idea but even questioned, how would a DragonBorn be like in a relationship. Though Durge is a strange one, especially when he has no memories of his past. She might even be protective of you the reader if she finds out what Durge has done hurting and killing their enemies. The way he does it, if it's over the top. Shadowheart will confront Durge about it. She be weary of him and tell you if she is not sure if Durge can be trusted.

Karlach

Durge actually likes Karlach. Despite her very positive upbeat attitude. He does like her, she treats with you respect, is kind to you, and does not talk down to you. I like to think Karlach kinda finds Durge attractive. Being a DragonBorn and all, she may even might notice Durges smitten face when he looks at you in love. Like a love sick puppy. She smile and comes up from behind him giving him a good slap on the back and say "twitterpated aren't we solider?" causing Durge to trip on his words blushing trying to change the subject while she has a shit eating grin showing her sharp teeth. She might even try to hook you two up. Maybe... maybe even join in the sex action. Durge might actually consider it... if she didn't burn you both. He would say yes as long you were okay with it of course if you were interested. But if Karlach (like Shadowheart) finds out what kind of things Durge did. Oh boy oh boy, consider the friendship bracelet gone. She would get in between you and Durge glaring at him burning with anger. (no pun intended)

Lae'Zel

Heh uh... she may like Durge because of his blood thirsty fight in battle. And he may appercaite that... but if she calls you weak and useless because you are not as battle hungry as she is. Durge will snarl. Step right up to her and speak up. "I will you not have you speak so lowly of her, she's the one that got you out of that trap, she's the one that saved the druids grove with our help, she is the one keeping the peace between all of us, you should thank her, because I would have ripped your arm off." causing the Githyanki woman to narrow her eyes at him. She might tsk at him or making the last retort walking away from him. Durge won't interact with Lae'zel unless he really has to. But if she threatens to hurt you, he will not hesitate to rip her apart. Oh if she even tries to seduce Durge, he will lean so close to her face in a low whisper "Even if you and were the only ones in this plain of existence, I would rather be a mindflayer than share a bedroll with you." And honestly that might hurt her a little but she won't show it of course. Durge heart is only to you, and only you.

Wyll

Would they be dude bros? Maybe? Durge does not mind Wyll at all. The man has honor, he's protective, he treat you with respect and that's what Matters to Durge. Though if he does come a little close towards you, Durge makes a look at him as if "nu uh, mine." Wyll would get the message though. Like Karlach he might even help Durge hook up with you. Give Durge advice what to say but most importantly Wyll will just tell Durge to be himself. Yeah which one? Durge also would also feel bad for Wyll with his mishap being a warlock and all. Durge would definitely spit down at Mizora feet just to stand up for Wyll. Fuck that bitch honestly.

Gale

Funny guy... stop flirting with my girlfriend don't you already have a lover? Durge very much has mixed feelings with this guy. He can be useful but when he learns that he needs to eat magic items to live or else he will explode and die? WHAT? Why the hell is he with party again? Oh cause he's infected too. When he learns about how his lover is goddess, I mean yeah he must think she is pretty-- oh she's actually a goddess. Oh... poor chap. He definitely would be a little jealous that Durge has you instead of him, but he would give Durge advice to "Seduce" a woman. Durge not sure if they would work... maybe one night he will use that advice. Maybe... eh. But Durge wouldn't pity Gale for doing that to himself where he explode not given enough magic items to eat. Also ticks Durge off cause he finds an item he can use to kill enemies and then Gale looks at him as if saying "for me?" while Durge growls wanting to roll his eyes in the back of his head pissed and just hands it to him. Also Wizards vs Sorcerer. Mortals enemies for life (no just kidding). But Gale will boast about being better than Durge when it comes to magic causing the DragonBorn to give Gale a side glance glare. "At least I was born with magic and don't have to kill myself for it." Durge would say causing Gale to frown.

[spoopydeboop]

Give a big, Tamriel welcome for…

…my Dragonborn!

*cue applause 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼*

(pic with blo*d below the cut, so TW for a little blood on his nose and lip!)

Ohhh, yes — I am still neck-deep in my Skyrim obsession (again). I’m convinced people who hate this game lack imagination or something.

Or they don’t have a need for escapism, heh. 😅

Anyways, this is Fynn! He’s a Breton in game, but canonically Breton/Imperial. He primarily relies on his well-honed skill with a sword and shield or war axe and shield (one-handed level 79 babyyy!) but can call upon destruction or restoration magic when absolutely necessary.

I have so much to say about this guy and I’m currently working on a written piece for him and Erik the Slayer from Rorikstead. :]

TW for a bit of blood below the cut! 👇🏼

Lowkey ate on this one, swear. Idk what it is with these one-off posts every 3-5 business months, but I’m rolling with it ig.

[honourablejester]

D&D 5e Character Concept: Sly Sorcerous ‘Cleric’

I’ve been watching a couple of campaigns based around the idea of a theological war against magic, divine vs arcane magic, and divine magic winning. Settings with a hugely powerful central church, where arcane magic is dangerous and endangered. All of which naturally made me think about Divine Soul Sorcerers, who could maybe cheat and try to blend in with their ‘holy’ magic. So. A character concept for that sort of campaign setting?

Arjhan Jharthraxyn, Bishop of Lyyle

A handsome, bearded silver dragonborn, quite tall, and dressed with the restrained elegance of a well-to-do cleric, Arjhan Jharthraxyn, Bishop of Lyyle, smiles politely, and gestures with a ringed hand in welcome.

Bishop. The thing with sorcerers, see, is charisma. A Cha-based class. So silver-tongued. Silver-tongued enough to not only pretend to be a priest, but to climb the ecclesiastical ladder in the process. Is that wise? Oh, absolutely not. But if you’re good at something, be good at something, and why not be richer and more powerful doing it? And Arjhan is such an excellent liar. He was a desperate child born into desperate times, destined to be killed for what he was, but necessity is the mother of audacity, after all. Is that not the saying? He joined the church, the very one that wanted to kill him, as a ‘miracle worker’, and lied through his teeth all the way up to the episcopal seat. If someone catches him now, oh, he’s worse than dead, but for that someone must catch him. And he intends to make that rather difficult.

Because Charisma, see. And I do want to lean into that. I want him to have the necessary skills, Deception, Persuasion, Insight, and I want him to be good at them. So I kind of want to take a level of rogue on him? Purely for the Expertise (okay, and armour proficiency). Deception expertise, Insight expertise. I considered Bard, but they take 3 levels to get it, and yes they also keep spell slot progression and get some interesting extra spells from a bard level, but I’m not looking to go that deep in when all I want is expertise. So. A level of rogue. And I think I might also want the Skill Expert feat later too, throw some Perception expertise in as well. This is one paranoid, deceitful boy, and he doesn’t want to be caught on the hop.

For background, to simulate a bishop, I’m going to mash together the Acolyte and Courtier backgrounds, take the skills (and a lot of the equipment) from Acolyte and the Court Functionary feature from Courtier so Arjhan knows how courts (and likely the church itself as well) work.

For race, I wanted either a white or a silver dragonborn, purely so he could be snidely called a ‘cold son of a bitch’ and have it be entirely literal as well as entirely accurate. Heh. I went with the silver over the white because it fits the ‘holy’ image better, and also metallic dragonborn (as of Fizban’s) get some fun extra breath weapons later on. A cone of incapacitation and/or a cone of ‘knock a crowd the fuck away from me’ seem like things a paranoid bishop might want, for those instances where someone tries to assassinate him in the middle of mass or what have you. Also, again, silver-tongued. A silver-tongued silver dragonborn. Heh.

I want him to be cynical, self-serving, a bit flamboyant. Paranoid, determined to survive and to prosper in spite of everyone around him. A cold son of a bitch. But in terms of his spells …

He had to pretend to be a miracle worker. He had to hide his more arcane leanings. So we’re going to lean a bit on the cleric side of his spell list, pick up Cure Wounds, Lesser Restoration, Guiding Bolt, Light. He had to look holy. The sorcerer side was dedicated to survival, stealth, how to get the fuck out of dodge if everything went tits up abruptly. Shield, Misty Step, Invisibility. But they were hidden, not used in public. His public magic is holy. And he sort of …

He's a cynical, self-serving son of a bitch. But he has the power to heal. And it’s the part of his power that he can use freely. I think that maybe has an impact on him. Not altruism, let’s not read into things here, but sure. He can heal some people on occasion. Kneejerk. By instinct. What of it?

I think I’m going to give him distant spell and subtle spell as his initial metamagics. I don’t think he needs quicken spell, he’s not about attacking, he’s about hit-and-run-the-fuck-away, and Misty Spell has that covered for bonus actions. He needs subtle spell, he’s all about not being caught spellcasting. And I want to give him distant spell because it lets him deploy Cure Wounds and Lesser Restoration (and Invisibility, if he feels like helping someone else get out of dodge) at a distance. Why did he need, choose, to be better at that? Shh. Don’t ask awkward questions.

Maybe not everyone he knew growing up was as fortunate as he was when it came to being able to ‘hide’, disguise themselves, blend in. And it’s everyone for themselves, absolutely do not get him wrong, but … I mean, if an opportunity presents itself to maybe give someone a (surreptitious, extremely well disguised) helping hand, well. Does no harm, does it?

Until it does, of course. But you’ve got to understand, you see, that the game only lasts until it ends. You don’t live your life with the sword of Damocles perpetually over your head without developing a certain amount of fatalism. The game lasts until it ends. You run until they catch you, because they will catch you. What matters is how far you get, and how much you get, how much of everything they wanted to deny you, before that happens.

Wouldn’t it be funny, if he climbed all the way to the top of an organisation that wanted to kill him? Wouldn’t that be just perfectly, bleakly amusing? Let’s try, hmm? Let’s see how far we get before we mis-step.

(What is a bishop doing out adventuring? But I’m imagining him in a more social, cloak-and-dagger sort of campaign, less dungeon delving and more trying to break the power of a cruel church)

Yeah. I’m enjoying this set-up. I think I like him. Arjhan Jharthraxyn. Lying, cheating sorcerous bishop of a church he most decidedly does not believe in. Prince with a thousand enemies. They’ll kill you if they catch you. But first they must catch you. Heh.

[myscreenshotdumpblog]

Uh oh, new Dragonborn alert. Part One of a rambling backstory because I really just feel like stretching my writing muscles, heh.

This is Faire Agarwen, a Dark Elf of uncertain parentage. She was raised in Honorhall Orphanage by none other than Grelod The (not so) Kind. She was found as a toddler in an empty cabin in the middle of the forests of Falkreath with only an incomprehensible journal tucked into her cradle. It's from this journal she got her name, a single leaf of loose paper was found in the pages with the name scribbled on it. The journal has since been lost, Faire herself believes Grelod burned it as soon as she was delivered by the hunters who found her.

She showed a gift for magic at a young age, and Grelod was harder on her for it. Faire grew up tough and as mean as her guardian, she was bullied by the other children at Grelod's goading because she was the only elf there at the time. She was twelve years old when she broke her first nose, a brute of a boy called Harald Red-Hand tried to force her to eat worms from the gardens at the side of the orphanage but she was too quick with her fists. She was whipped thoroughly for it, and still bears the tracks of the switch Grelod had Harald make.

As soon as Faire recovered, she broke into Grelod's strongbox and emptied it of everything but enough septims to pay for the children's food. With this money she bought passage to Bruma by bribing a merchant caravan into letting her tag along. Faire didn't look back. She still hates Riften and all the memories it holds.

One day Grelod's gonna get what's coming to her.

[the-storm-chaser]

"I've heard a lot about you, mercenary. Tell me... what was the most interesting job you've ever taken?"

The stranger had approached the woman while she had been at the bar, almost finishing a tankard of something this particular tavern called ‘mead’. Like heck it was, wasn’t anywhere sweet enough….nor strong. Regardless, it was a drink at least, so she wasn’t in a spot to complain.

It was enough to get her by.

She side-eyed the Dragonborn, curiousity on her features.

‘And what’s my story to you, stranger?’ She glanced him over, noting the attire. ‘Looks like you haven’t seen a day out in the field before, have you?’ There was a dry chuckle before she finished the brew, her face contorting at the unpleasant sweetness the last dregs offered.

Yup, the mead was not the best. Not brewed properly….but hey. You get what you pay for she figured.

‘Heh, I guess one can’t hurt…’ She leant forward on the bar, resting her cheek in her palm in thought.

‘I suppose it would have been a delivery job, one which spanned several weeks and a couple of continents. I have no idea what was in the package I took, but they reassured me it weren’t perishable….so I had time…’ Her mind flitted back to the memory, remembering the different terrains she traversed in the time…some that were new even to her. She had been young, still finding her feet with the line of work. That job was a true test as to how well she could navigate the unknown…and in good time.

‘The coin was…surprisingly good for a simple task… but it was definitely an interesting time. Working your way around mountains was surprisingly difficult, especially when the maps you had didn’t account for a few of the roads having been destroyed by boulders.’ She shrugged, her free fingers tapping on the bar. ‘I got to the destination early which wasn’t expected, and they ended up paying a tip…which is rather rare in this line of work. Whatever that item was, must have been important to them I guess-‘

[wellthebardsdead]

Riiju-Lei: *steps out of the wretching netch, tying a piece of cloth around his forehead covering his third eye as he does so* right, back to skyrim the- *backs up as he’s suddenly surrounded by temple guards* I- what? What’s going on?!

Galdrus Hlervu: *emerges from behind the guards dragging Elder Othreloth by his arm* Oh you know exactly what’s going on here Sharmat! You may have everyone else on this island fooled but I know the truth!

Elder Othreloth: Galdrus! Stop this at once!!

Captain Veleth: *walks over with his men seeing the situation unfolding* What’s the meaning of this?! This lads put our settlement back on the map and even cleared your temple of Ash spawn! You have no grounds to threaten him in the street like this!

Galdrus Hlervu: With all do respect captain this is a matter concerning the ancestral temple so kindly run along. And as for grounds- *suddenly grabs the cloth from Riiju’s face pulling it from his head and showing his third eye* SEE?! I TOLD YOU! HE HAD YOU ALL FOOLED! THE COUNCILLORS AND THE CAPTAIN KNEW ABOUT IT!

Elder Othreloth: Galdrus you’re causing a scene-

Captain Veleth: A third eye does not the false dreamer make him. I once met an argonian with two tails, a dunmer with a third eyeball could be anybody-

Galdrus Hlervu: Oh really captain? Then how is it that both he and the Hortator were both reported to have coincidentally returned late last evening and now lord nerevar is missing hm?!

Riiju-Lei: p-please I can explain everything-

Galdrus Hlervu: Silence! You’ve spread your lies throughout this entire settlement to trick the good people here into thinking highly of you! But I know exactly who you are you n’wa-

Nerevar: You’d best think before you say what I think you’re about to, priest. *steps out of the doorway to the wretching netch, team dragonborn following behind him as the temple guards back up in shock to be in his presence*

Galdrus Hlervu: I- l-lord nerevar you’re alive-

Nerevar: Yes. I am. *grabs the cloth from his hand and yanks it away before gently tying it back around Leis brow, smiling at him adoringly as he does so* And he’s not the Sharmat. However he is the reincarnation of Voryn Dagoth. My closest friend, now much more… *flares down at the slimy weasel of a priest before him* And from what I hear. *glances around before looking back at him* He’s been kinder to the people of raven rock in the weeks he’s been here than you’ve been since you were stationed to this temple. Perhaps I should have him replace you.

Galdrus Hlervu: I- wh-what? *drops down to his knees* m-my lord wait-

Elder Othreloth: *catching on that nerevar just wants to make him squirm* Yes I’ve heard splendid things about you all around solstheim and word has even reached my ears from skyrim about you lad. Hard working, kind, and- *holds up the bag of coin he’d tried paying him for clearing out the ash spawn* Very generous. Shall I try giving this to you again or will you hide it in my coat pocket this time?

Riiju-Lei: *visibly blushes at being called out* I-h-heh, I don’t feel right accepting money from the temple sir, or from anyone here on raven rock it’s been hard- *looks around finally noticing how busy it is in the settlement* I? Gods what’s happened? This place is- booming.

Captain Veleth: *enjoying seeing Galdrus meltdown* Oh all this? This is all your work lad! You and your friends, this place is finally back on its feet and we have you lot to thank for it!

Elder Othreloth: And that’s yet another reason why I’ve been considering asking you to replace Galdrus!

Galdrus Hlervu: *on the verge of tears grovelling at nerevars feet, looks back at the elder priest* m-Master Othreloth! You can’t be serious!!

Nerevar: *trying not to laugh* Then it’s settled. By my right as Hortator, I hereby discommunicate you from the ancestral temple and appoint Riiju-Lei Dagoth, head of the 6th house now mourned as you’re replacement.

Galdrus Hlervu: *literally having a tantrum as his life’s work collapses before him, banging his fists on the ground and screaming between wailing sobs* NOOOO! NOOOO PLEASE NOOOO!!!

Riiju-Lei: *gently pats nerevars arm* as amusing as it is it is cruel, besides I swear too much to be a priest… don’t think I could get used to the underwear either. Let him keep his job… please?…

Nerevar: *smiles at him fondly before looking down at the snivelling elf at his feet* oh fine. Consider my decree null and void. You may keep your job if your superior sees fit.

Galdrus Hlervu: *snot and tears running down his face as he stops mid meltdown* I-I? M-my lord?

Elder Othreloth: hmmm, very well then. Though my offer still stands if he steps out of line like this again~

Captain Veleth: and speaking of which. *suddenly cuffs the priest pulling him off the ground and to his feet* Youre getting a night in the slammer for threatening a civilian with undo cause or writ, and for causing a public disturbance!

Galdrus Hlervu: I- w-wait no! No I’m sorry! IM SORRY! MASTER OTHRELOTH HELP ME!!

Elder Othreloth: No I think this’ll be good for you. And once you’re back your studying the lies of Vivec and cleaning the chamber pots!

Galdrus Hlervu: *screams as he’s dragged off*

Nerevar: *snickers watching him disappear through the crowd before looking at Riiju* are you okay?

Riiju-Lei: you… called me Riiju-Lei Dagoth… head of the 6th house, now mourned?…

Nerevar: I… yes. I apologise I should have made sure you were comfortable with the titles but I wanted him to know how important you are… to me… and to a lot of people in morrowind…

Riiju-Lei: *smiles softly* thank you… it’ll… take me a while to get used to it…

Nerevar: it’s okay… we have a long while yet before you’ll be hearing it often… but before then. *holds his hands* I want to go to skyrim. And see everything there is of Riiju-Lei, the last dragonborn~

Riiju-Lei: *smiles and starts laughing again, unable to contain his giddiness or control his emotions yet but honestly not wanting to in the slightest* okay!

Taliesin: …are we getting back on the water now?… *groans already feeling sea sick*

Miraak: you can ride on one of my dragons if you’d like-

Kaidan: *jealously yoinks Taliesin to his side* We. Will take the ship, and I’ll hold his pretty hair out of his face as he gets sea sick thank you!

[trickstarbrave]

Ahkrinaak: if i were dating you. well. heh. lets just say horses wouldn't be called 'horses' anymore. Dragonborn: hey what the fuck does this mean Dragonborn: im shaking what does this mean

[thebmatt]

twist my arm why don't you! i'd love to hear about number 1, number 92, aaaand dealer's choice!

Oh no. Oh no number 1. Oh dear.

We're gonna save him for the end. He's very goofy and this is gonna take some explaining, heh.

Number 92 is an elven druid by the name of Ilythyrra (I'm awful with names so blame the popular online name generators for pretty much all of these)

Her subclass is a creation of somanyrobots, who has created a pair of druids around the theme of bug swarms. The Circle of Consumption is based on wildshaping into a swarm, while the Circle of Swarms is primarily concerned with summoning them. Ilythyrra's subclass is the latter.

I had built the idea of a backstory for a Dragonborn Consumption druid that was basically "lost" to his Swarm form for a level 20 minigame at the end of last year, so I modified that a bit. Both the Dragonborn and Ilythyrra are part of a circle that reveres and protects insect/arthropod life and its role in the cycle of life. The Dragonborn is the first to attempt the wildshape, but it went a bit wrong, and now he's vanished. Ilythyrra has been tasked with finding him and helping him regain control (or putting him down if he's lost control entirely) before he does something bad, and their circle (which already doesn't have a great reputation because of the whole people are scared of bugs thing) takes the blame for it.

Okay, Dealer's Choice eh? Well I know you're a Pathfinder fan, so let's grab a PF2 character at random here.

And our dice roll has picked Jered! I'm gonna put his story, as well as Number 1 on the list, under the cut

Jered is a human with the Naari versatile heritage (which is what they renamed Ifrits to as of Rage of Elements for those who don't know). He's got the Witch class, but his patron isn't one of the ones from Player Core 1, it's a creation of Team+, my favorite PF2 creators. He uses the Calamity Incarnate Patron, as well as the Hexmarked Class Archetype, from their Witches+ book.

I incorporated a fair bit of lore from Rage of Elements for him. To briefly summarize, his mother died when he was young, and his father abandoned him not long after that, which left him a bitter and hotheaded child, not at all helped by his Naari heritage. He was in and out of various forms of prison for most of his life, until he was contacted by his great-great-granmother, a woman named Adenah....who turned out to be a Salamander priestess. Adenah is herself a servant of Atreia, the benevolent elemental lord of fire, and she is in need of someone who can operate on Atreia's behalf in the mortal plane. She is offering that chance to Jered because they are kin, and she believes he deserves a chance after the rotten hand life dealt him. Jered, for his part, sees this as a way to connect to a part of his family and a chance to have a better life than what he's got, so he accepts.

Okay, I hope you enjoyed that one, cause it's time to talk about our first character for this challenge.

This character incorporates creations from my favorite three D&D creators: TAG, somanyrobots, and KibblesTasty. I've talked about the former two before, but this is the first time I've mentioned Kibbles, I believe.

Kibbles is a really good class designer, and one of his creations is known as the Occultist. The Occultist is a very general framework class designed to incorporate any spellcaster concepts that rely on "the old ways", or magic that must be learned, but more through ritual and tradition as opposed to the more academic learning of a wizard, but don't necessarily fit into the framework of a druid or cleric. Subclasses the Occultist has include (but not limited to) Witch, Oracle, and Shaman. As you can imagine, each of these has very different lore and flavor ideas, which is why the Occultist provides a very basic framework of spellcasting, and a system called Rites which is akin to a warlock's invocations in design. Most Rites are subclass specific so you can have a very wide variety of options in this framework.

Hopefully that explains it well enough. The idea is to have a class that can incorporate a wide variety of character archetypes that are more difficult (in Kibbles' opinion, at least) to expand into full classes on their own.

So, many of the subclasses of this class can further make a selection to more accurately define their archetype. A sub-subclass, if you will. The Witch, for example, has a choice of Covens that determine their Bonus spell list and a couple of extra abilities thematic to them. The Green Coven is very fey-like, with a lot of nature spells and trickster-themed debuffs, whereas the Black Coven is more destructive and curse-focused.

Somanyrobots was actually commissioned to do his own Witch Coven for this class, the Candy Coven. Themed after a varity of candy witch stories, this is a heavily supportive Witch, and despite its somewhat silly nature, it is a well designed creation.

Robots released this right around the same time as I started this challenge, so I decided to use it for my first character. I used TAG's Half-Ogre race, and created Orok, a gentle soul with a fondness for sweets that stumbled across a coven of Candy witches. Initially they mistook him for a raiding monster, but soon realized his true nature and essentially adopted him and taught him their ways. Orok's gentle demeanor and sometimes childlike expression belies a hidden wisdom, and he quickly took to the arts. Now he adventures to help other good hearted folk with his sweets, and to trick not-do-good ones into "sticky" situations.

His adopted aunts are very proud of him.

Okay, that was a lot, but I hope you enjoyed it all the same, and thank you again @blackestnight! LINKS FOR EVERYTHING.

[dovahfamily]

OC info (again)

Dar'Khali Rogue, age unknown, nickname Khali, Khajiit: The Last Dragonborn... well, one of them. Was actually innocent when captured with the Stormcloaks. Hails from Black Marsh and was gifted more traditional Khajiit garb from a passing Caravan. Got hit with a stray memory altering spell at the border, has had both minor amnesia and a talkative spirit in her mind since. Hates killing dragons.

Miraak Rogue, age unknown, Bosmer: After his defeat in Apocrypha, was mysteriously revived without his memories. Khali stumbled across him, with enough time they both realized who he was, but by that point Khali had accepted Miraak as both family and a fellow Dragonborn. It's been so long that no one recognize his name. Full of a healthy hate for Hermaeus Mora.

Alduin "Mulzoor" Rogue, age unknown, Dark elf: During the battle, Khali prayed to their Father just before Alduin was truly defeated. She called off the warriors of Sovngarde in time to stand over and strike a deal with the dragon. At first he was reluctant, until realizing this khajiit had no ulterior motives. Goes by Mulzoor around strangers, as memory of his name is still very fresh in the minds of Skyrim. Has a dislike for any aedra that isn't Father.

All their shouts are linked, as is their souls themselves. If one shouts, it's not weak but it's not strong enough, if all three shout, it is at full power.

Khali has taken to calling them her brothers, which severely confuses most people.

OC kid info under cut

Voltog Snow-Hilt, 18, orc: Orphan as a small child, adopted by Beirand (Solitude Blacksmith) and his wife. Helps around the forge and roams the town most days.

Rowan Rogue, 16, Imperial: Found by Alduin in the ruins of Helgen, captured by bandits. Taken under his wing (heh) shortly after. He's trying to convince the Companions to let him join.

Aventus Rogue, 15 & 3/4, Nord: Adopted by Khali shortly before she joined the Brotherhood, currently on his way to being initiated.

Runa Rogue, 15 & 1/2, Nord: Adopted by Khali just before Aventus, about to be initiated alongside him.

Sofie Rogue, 15, Nord: Taken in by Khali the same day as Aventus, has been studying the magic tomes around the house.

Kaylas, 16, Redguard: Found abandoned by the first Initiates on one of their missions. Essentially became the collective child of the Brotherhood and is being trained by Cicero.

Vilsha Rogue, 16, Dark/High elf hybrid: Found by J'zargo and Cicero on an errand, twin to Volair. Being taught advanced magic by J'zargo.

Volair Rogue, 16, Dark/High elf hybrid: Found by J'zargo and Cicero on an errand, twin to Vilsha. Studying Alchemy under Quintus.

Talvi Rogue, 13, Snow elf: Found in the ruins of Irkngthand and promptly adopted by Khali.

Morgana Sparrow, 14, Breton: Brynjolf got her talking after she tried pickpocketing him, learned she was an orphan, and proposed a surprise adoption.

Nilaaeneth, 10, Bosmer: Found on a mission for the Companions, has become the hall child, but sticks closer to Aela and the twins.

Lazarus, 9, Argonian: Found in a cave with Dawn Chaser by Veezara and Khali, taken in by Veezara. Stays in the Sanctuary for the most part.

Dawn Chaser Rogue, 8, Khajiit: Found in a cave with Lazarus by Veezara and Khali, taken in by Khali. Always up and moving around, trying to explore woods.

K'ashi Rogue, 1, Khajiit: Biological son of Khali, Cicero and J'zargo (no we're not questioning the biology). Has tried to eat multiple soul gems.

Bel'Roth, 9 months, Demigod: Not exactly a demigod, per se, but it's all Sanguine can come up with. Really more of a group project between Hircine, Sheogorath, Sanguine and Clavicus Vile.

[krawkpaladin]

Minor Plot/Gameplay Spoilers for Baldur's Gate 3, Act 2 below the cut, but it's mostly discussion on the mechanics of a specific encounter with some plot.

So when you enter the temple of Shar by the House of Healing and get down into the Gauntlet of Shar, there's a gauntlet (heh) of trials you have to go through in order to get these magical gemstones to be used later, pretty typical "test of skills/character" stuff. There's a lot of cool things you can do, including scouting out the rooms if you pick the locks before starting the challenge, disarming traps in advance, that sort of thing. One of the challenges, however, is called the Self-Same challenge and is... a clone fight.

If you've played a lot of CRPGs or JRPGs (or lots of other games, say hi Ocarina of Time!) you've seen this type of gimmick fight before. The party (or character, if it's a solo deal) is confronted with a clone/dark reflection of themselves that is a perfect copy in every way and you have to defeat the clone(s). The in-universe intended solution to this sort of gimmick combat is generally superior skill/tactics, but D&D 5E's combat is swingy enough that even superior tactics can't save you from rolling a fat 6 for damage on Guiding Bolt only for your clone to turn around and hit you for 30 damage at a time when you likely have a max HP of around 40. On top of this, your clones have several additional abilities that you normally don't: like many Act 2 enemies, they turn invisible when not standing in a light source, they are immune to being pushed/moved around, and they are immune to spells like Hold Person. The last component of the fight is that you receive a stacking debuff (-1 to all ability scores until your next long rest) from attacking your allies' clones until you defeat your own. So your tactics end up having to be a lot of "hit your own clone and hope they die first" since you get a debuff for doing the reasonable tactical action of, say, using your rogue to gank the wizard clone first thing.

Of course, there are ways to reduce the difficulty of the fight, partly because it is a video game. You can do this in a couple ways, usually by manipulating how the clones generate. The most straightforward is to strip your party of all their equipment, generate the clones, and then put all their gear back on and beat the snot out of a bunch of naked people. I... I don't particularly like this solution. The logic is overly video-gamey, as it's hard to imagine how anyone would make the connection between a clone fight and removing all their equipment without already knowing the conventions and limitations of the encounter. The other way is that you can send in only one person to start the challenge, and then have the rest of the party follow by breaking into the room after it is sealed so you're only fighting a single clone. I do think that this solution is actually pretty clever, and given the nature of the dungeon and Shadowheart's storyline, can be a fun little potential thematic rejection of Shar's faith in her own temple.

Though to be perfectly honest, I just don't like clone fights the way they're implemented 90% of the time in RPGs. It's either a slug-fest where you hope you roll better on average, or you strip down naked and then get back in your armor faster than the Dragonborn Skyrim eats 10 wheels of cheese to recover from a sword stab mid-battle. There are some interesting ones out there; Final Fantasy 4's Dark Knight fight comes to mind, where the solution is not to attack at all. (It is also, strictly speaking, not a real clone fight, as it doesn't scale with Cecil's level, but it is very much thematically a clone fight.) This has got me thinking though of how to make clone fights interesting, especially in the context of TTRPGs, but I'm still sorting my thoughts on that so I'll probably make a follow-up post assuming I don't get lost in more BG3 or prepping for my group's Sci-Fi Campaign 2 Space Theft Boogaloo.

[skyrim-drabbles-n-stuff]

Miraak Romance/Fluff Headcanons

(I still fully intend to work on the priests visual/information posts but here’s some miraak for now. Also these are super self indulgent.)

Though he doesn’t know the reason why, his inner dov likes for him to hoard particular items- especially pretty gems and artifacts. However after the two of you become “gron”, as he’d say in the dovah tongue, he notices that he can’t help but want to...well..offer some of his precious items to you. It’s really strange for someone like him, Akatosh knows he isn’t one to share but, with you, it’s different.

One of his favourite things to do when he comes home to you is to walk up behind you, put his mask aside and simply lean into you. He’ll wrap those large arms around your waist and bend down so he can rest his head atop your own- finding this especially fun if you’re a lot shorter than him.

Once the two of you are well established in the relationship, you can count on him expecting cuddles almost every second you’re not busy. He’ll sometimes claim it’s because it’s “too cold” but you know that’s horseshit, he’s Atmoran for fuck’s sake. And yes, he’ll smirk when you finally call his bluff, proceeding to pull you into him regardless.

Really bad about over excessively gifting you. No such thing, right? Wrong. He just figures that because it’s something he’d like, surely you would too! It’s pretty nice, sure, but when his gifts start transcending into an unsettling dismembered tongue...that’s where you draw the line. He’ll explain that “back in his day” it was considered a way of displaying battle prowess or something but you still won’t accept. He’s mad and will actually pout for a while.

If you happen to get sick he’ll be really confused on how he should even act. He’s not heartless and he has seen other sick people..but despite being a priest, he’s never dealt with them. Shit, restoration is easily his least favourite school of magic and considering his talent.......that said something. But, you are his “Dovah Jud”, so he’ll be damned if he doesn’t do something to help you. Next thing you know, he’s recalling every ancient, obscure remedy he can think of- trying each and every one of them until you say it’s enough.

Easily jealous and totally pretends he’s not. Heh, he’s Miraak, the First Dragonborn..how could he ever be jea-....are you seriously being nice to that lowlife bard? Can’t you see he’s just trying to get in your armour? Do you..do you want him to? Oh hell no. He makes his frustration blatantly clear by suddenly looking beside you, the ominous mask being enough in itself to send the bard running with his tail between his legs.

[hermaeusmorasuggestion]

does mora take refugees and those seeking asylum from tamriel or anywhere else

He called for It, you know.

It’s not like the Golden Eye just snatched him up out of nowhere. To intervene so directly in Events of such magnitude was an aberration against Its nature the likes of which have rarely since been seen. No, no. It came when It was called to see if he would do the same. Of course. He's always been the exception.

Sometimes he goes willingly. Not often—he is, after all, invariably proud, and being on the brink of death probably didn’t do his decision-making skills any favours—but always, always, always, he cries out for It. In fury? Desperation? Some form of affection? Hope? I couldn’t say, since I’m never there for it, and by the time we meet there's always been too many embittered years to get an accurate retelling out of him. For example, he describes it as a corruption of the Voice. An unwelcome influence on the one part of himself he felt entirely his. As if we don’t all give parts of ourselves, meaningful parts, to those we hold dear to us? As if it wasn’t wholly his choice? As if I don't know, and It doesn't know, and he doesn't know that he called for It?

A shame the Last Dragonborn isn't primed to learn how to do so the same way. It's a special gift: the knowledge of what it feels like to be touched somewhere for the very first time. A token of Its regard. Given how uncomfortable the Benthic Scream feels on the way up, though, it's very convenient that there are many other ways to get Its attention. To say nothing of the mess!

Anyway, fleeing to a plane of Oblivion is a well-documented thing. All the well-known realms have their own upsides and downsides as safe (or safe-ish) havens, and the Abyssal Archives is no different. In such cases, it is prudent to remember that shelter does not mean protection, that you can be followed, that you might not be able to open certain doors again once they close behind you, and—very importantly—that Daedric Princes can like, dislike, and hold grudges (good fucking god, can et’Ada hold grudges). That's at least one way he wasn't an exception, heh.

[darkmist111]

Phantom Thieves Play Dungeons and Dragons

The Wander and the Worker

Akira had faced many trials, both legally and spiritually. He had also been a master of organization, stuffing as much activity as he could into a single year.

Yet this challenge nearly brought him to his knees.

“So you only add 2 to armor class?”

“No that's only for medium armor your un-armored right now.”

“Shit I should've picked a race with more dexterity.”

It was like herding cat's, without Morgana’s help.

“You guys ready? It's almost 5.” Akira said know that this group could double a session’s play time.

“Hold on I’m trying to memorize our modifiers.” Ann said squinting as she had forgot her glasses at home.

“Don't worry just remember your crap at everything not dexterity and charisma.” Ryuji said nonchalantly.

The plan was to get all the players to level 2 before they got to the main campaign, so Akira did this little mini session with 2 characters first so the players could slip into their roles.

“Alright are we ready to play?”

Ryuji had finally gotten Ann to stop fusing over her papers.

“As we’ll ever be I guess *sigh* I really hope I don't die at level 1 again.” Ann groaned.

“Hell yeah let's kick some ass!”

“Alright close your eyes and listen.” Akira took a deep breath and his voice changed.

“This is the world of Exceeden”

Akira peaked and caught the grins on his two friends faces.

“Unlike our world with disconnected planets, the world of Exceeden is but one layer stacked in-between other realms, but different from the other realms Exceeden did not occur naturally but was created by 20 core gods. The gods were once one shared in their love of their creation, however what they didn't know was it would grant them more power than even their unparalleled minds could imagine.

Jealousy, anger, spite, and rage broke them apart each believing their creation should go the way they decided and the 20 became 5. 6 of Law, 6 of Chaos, 2 of Good, 2 of Evil, and 4 to keep the balance.

While the realm has no supreme rule the cycles of mortals carry on. Empires rise and fall, stories are told and forgotten, until finally the sands of time cycle towards something or someone that can shatter the heavens despite their humble beginnings.

The year is 997 A.I.(After Invasion) and our story takes place on the continent of Almoria. While not the largest continent it houses a wide array of People and Cultures in no small part due to the many differences environments.

In the far north in the icy tundras Orc and Goliath tribes war against the Tiefling Solos Empire and their Minotaur allies even further north in the Shadow Lands.

Below that are the eternal plans of Sparks where wild magic hum and fae slip into our world. Bands of Centaur and Satyr dance across the fields, unknowingly starting war with the Leonin Clans.

On the east of the Great Sezali Desert a new and ambitious clan of HobGoblins are gathering their forces of Goblin and Bugbear.

This makes the Elven Allied Council to the west nervous and the desert has become a sort of cold war, but also a hive of activity for trade and merchants.

On the West Coast the Aarakocra war against the Triton and the East Coast, the legendary Tortle Cleric Genbu brokers peace between the Locathah and the Grung.

In the Mountains Kobold, Lizardmen and Dragonborn War against a unfathomable threat as the Chromatic dragons and Metal Dragons have united to control the Arcane Canyons.

With the fall of Tyrant Human King Rexanik, many flee to the peaceful mountains city of Eternix. The city, nicknamed the city of small folk, was almost completely Gnomes, Halfling, Dwarfs, as well as the Black Wing Monastery, suddenly has possibly the highest human density in the continent.

Humans have also tried their luck in the chaotic Forest of Nayan only to be never heard from again.

In the south peace is almost a certainty as the brotherhood between the Loxodon and Gith remains just a strong as a century ago. Their city Omniox hold the Verdan trading Guild the only constant in these turbulent times

Not all is so clear though, hidden in the desert are rumors of cults who use arcane, scientific, and religious methods to create inhuman monsters that stalk the night.

However it is that Desert where we start our story in the town of Ixyana. Ixyana is a port town to the sea of sand, willing to offer weary travelers any pleasure they require... for the right price. Ixyana has always been self governed but with escalating tensions between the Elven and HobGoblin armies, the town is being pressured to pick a loyalty. But today neither a Goblin nor Elf is the new stranger in town.”

“Ryuji please introduce your character.”

“I’m just a guy who looks like an average traveler, I’m wearing normal cloths and using a spear like a walking stick, the only unusual thing about me is that have blue skin and white “Hair”. I’m a Fighter but only because you get in fights when you wander as much as I do, but it's clear I’m not formally trained.”

The wanderer enters the town carrying a satchel over his back midday. He makes his way towards a inn looking to rest for the night. He hears a commotion and see several HobGoblin warriors speaking angrily toward each other, before rushing off. The young man enters into a alley to avoid crossing their path, as he steps out he sees another beautiful HobGoblin women in revealing clothes dart out from behind a stack of boxes. Before his eyes she begins to shift form before becoming a striking dark haired Elven women and quickly entering the Inn.

“Well That's a Flag if I’ve ever seen one.”

The man is overcome with curiosity and follows her. He enter the inn and sees the first floor is a diner/bar.

At this time of day not many people are drinking and lunch is already over so the inn is uncrowded.

The blue man sees the former HobGoblin women now Elven sit in the corner of the bar skillfully blending in for those not looking.

As he walks up to her she glances before biting her lip.

“Sorry I’m not working right now.”

You realize from her statement and her outfit that this women is one of the courtesans of the towns most powerful group in place of a formal government, The Desert Respite, worshipers of Bast one of the 20 original Gods and practitioners of the arts of pleasure both of a sexual nature and of entertainment.

“I still can believe your playing a Prostitute.” Ryuji says teasing.

“For your information I’m a high class escort. And let's see if you’ll be laughing in a few minutes.”

“Sorry it's not that I... I just... saw you change.”

The woman tenses her eyes narrowing and grits her teeth.

“So what?”

“Are... Are you a Spirit.”

The women slowly turns her head, seeing the nervous young man though in her eyes he's more of a boy shift his weight nervously.

“Perception check!”

“Roll for it.”

“...!!!! Natural 20!”

“Heh, yeah he's a pretty easy mark.”

“Hey!”

She smirks before tipping her drink back and gesturing to the seat across from her.

“From out of town.”

“Out from... everywhere.”

She changes her posture, trained but attractive.

“The desert must've been quite the ordeal, I didn't notice a Caravan enter town. Is your group somewhere else?”

“No, I’ve been traveling alone.”

“Alone?”

“Yes I am quite skilled at traveling, born and raised doing it in fact.”

“Incredible, you must be strong.”

The women bit her lip while the blue skinned man sweat feeling nervous from the shapeshifters forward flirtations.

“You know I have a certain need for a strong man.”

“Role Wisdom Ryuji.”

“What! She hasn't even cast anything.”

“Your mouth was dropped.” Ann teased. “Let's hope your character isn't a simp.”

“No way!”

Ryuji rolled.

“Shit! 6, 7 total.”

“Simp”

“Shut up!”

“What did- What do you need. I’m always looking to help out.”

“You see a girl can only stay in one town for so long before she needs a change of pace. I’m thinking you’ve been to plenty of places, why don't you and I go on adventure.”

The spearman let out a yelp as he felt her leg delicately trace his own.

“And I’ll be sure your thoroughly compensated.”

“Roll Perception against Ann’s Persuasion.”

“Yes!”

“Shit”

Ann rolled and grinned which caused Ryuji to hang his head.

“21 total Persuasion!”

“Goddamnit, 14 total.”

“Yeah she has you wrapped around her finger.”

“*Gulp* There’s no need for that ma’am, I'd be happy to guide you wherever you desire.”

The man saw her smile turn victorious and her leg rubbed a little higher.

“Don’t worry it's no trouble, when we stop for the night I can give you a nice and long compensating.”

_______________________________________

The pair quickly gather their things the shapeshifter, changing again into a stunning Yuan-Ti. They walked through the town. Some men stared at the shabby looking Traveler and the beautiful courtesan, leering at her exposed cleavage, open thighs, and toned belly, others smirked and gave respecting nods. He glared and the former while that latter made him feel like a scumbag.

She insisted they walk on foot so not to draw attention. The man frowned but didn't say anything.

As they walked they chatted.

“My names Zap by the way.”

“Nais of the Desert Respite.”

“So Nais, are you wondering what I am?”

“Probably not as much as your wondering what I am.”

“Well I don't know, I’ve never seen someone change what they look like except my dad.”

“Your dad?”

“Yeah, he’s a Genie.”

“...”

“...”

“...You're not joking?”

“Nope. A Lightning Genie to be specific.”

“Insight Check... 11?”

“He seems to be pretty honest.”

“So you can grant wishes?”

“He could, not me. I’m only half genie, my other half is Human from my mom. Dad said my type of people are called Genasi.”

“Where’s you dad now?”

“He’s only allowed to stay in the material plane for 20 years at a time. He left on my 10th birthday, I’m 22, so he’ll be back in 8 years. Though he’ll probably see my mom before me.”

“... You know that is a really weird story right?”

“I actually didn't know until later in life. For a long time it was just the 3 of us, then the 2, now me.”

“I see.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You can change into other things, is it magic?”

Nias looked away not wanting to meet Zap’s eyes.

“It's not magic it's just something I’m able to do, as well as my mother and her mother before her. She said that we might be descended from Doppelgängers.”

“That's amazing.” Zap said with awe.

“Perception Check!” Ann yelled out.

“Zap doesn't lie. He's a open book.”

“19!”

“Zap really does think your amazing.”

“Geez he doesn't have to try so hard I already said I’d fuck him.”

“Excuse me! But Zap is a gentleman he doesn't only think about sex.”

“Unlike his player.”

[secretadventuresociety]

Episode 27 Recap

What’s up SASholes?! I’m Bren; resident SAStorian and note-taker extraordinaire. Welcome to Episode 27: Under New Management.

The Xarus Problem

We last left off with Kess staring down her jilted ‘lover’ (I mean, if you can call an arranged husband a lover), Xarus, who had just revealed he now owns her childhood home. Well, I say home. I guess childhood MANSION is technically more correct. Anyway, as this red-headed scum delights in Kess’ confusion, a flock of guards file in behind him all dressed in black; anticipating an attack. True to form, Pearce leans over to Kess and asks if he should shoot him, and she waves him away, blowing the whole thing off as a joke. Turns out that ole Xarus lost his humor in a tragic Born-Without-A-Soul accident, so he stares back flatly and invites the group to dinner; suggesting the trio clean up beforehand.

Kess loudly announces that her mother (Norse), Zev, Kü, and Pearce are going to… help… brush her hair? And Xarus just accepts it?? So the definitely-not-suspect group file up to Kess’ bedroom, led by Norse. The party takes in their spotless lavish surroundings in a mixture of disgust and disbelief-- and then they find their destination. The room might as well be adorned with a neon sign reading ‘Messy Kessy’. The colors inside are dark and earthy, with flora and drawings of fauna littering the walls, lit by a majestic bay window. In an awkward silence, Kü compares the living space to the shit-covered walls of his cavern home, then switches gears to ask if all fathers come with so much tension.

Norse gently explains that Xarus isn’t Kess’ father, but was her husband-to-be, who recently took over the house and the super-secret ‘family business’. Surprise-- Kess’ family is a band of merry Robin Hoods who keep Mardosta eating with silver spoons. Despite being there the whole time— Norse doesn’t quite understand how the boring, ginger-haired square of a man grew the balls to overthrow their reign of thievery; but she momentarily morphs into fantasy Vin Diesel (not actually, I know it’s a little weird ‘cause technically she’s a changeling and very much COULD do that) and tells Kess they can handle it As A Family.

An Iris by Any Other Name

After assuring The Nobodies aren’t going to kill Xarus in his sleep, Mama Shadowmore pulls Kess aside and leads her to the family greenhouse. It smells overwhelmingly like smoke, and as they enter, Kess sees hundreds of her black and white flowers. You know the ones. Norse then tells her how they tried to cover Kess’ absence, the way she would go into the greenhouse to just sit somewhere that smelled like her daughter (OUCH, dude), and all about the first night she saw one of the Irises appear. From that night on, Norse and Kess’ father Arthur would sit and wait for a flower to bloom; knowing somehow it was connected to their daughter’s safety. Now, if you thought your teeth were rotting out from the sweetness already-- that’s when Kess hugs her mom for the first time in years, and sometime during the embrace, Norse drops her high elf facade and embraces her daughter in all her changeling glory before Kess grows a flower just for her. Touching stuff. You crying yet? No? Just me?

Dry those eyes, though, because now we’re on to some shenanigans. As Kess and her mom are off repairing their relationship, Pearce and Kü attempt to make themselves at home. After grabbing a drink with Zev, the pair stake out a guest bedroom with an adjoining bathroom. Pearce ushers Kü inside and offers to guard the door as he showers, which the kobold has CERTAINLY done before. Tons of times. In his underground home. Despite this setback, Kü figures out the tub quickly, but the challenge becomes when he needs to drain the water. He finds a bucket, remembers that the toilet gets rid of its own fluid, and scoops up the grimy bathwater like a scaly Mickey Mouse. But that’s not all. Getting to the bottom of the tub, he notices a chain floating in the dregs and hauls out a crowbar to liberate it.

Pearce, hearing a sudden thump and fearing a sneak attack, manhandles his way into the bathroom and finds a wet Kü who laments about the ‘necklace’ at the bottom of the tub. The gunslinger quickly realizes it’s a chain for the drain (heh, a rhyme) and shoves Kü out. He then takes a pile of Zev’s clothes he found and dresses, appalled at the deep-v tunic and skin tight leather pants he is now sporting. Being his only choice, he chastely covers his bare chest and spikes his hair, coming out of the bathroom to help Kü shine his helmet. Yes, that helmet. Pearce is making Mother’s skull GLEAM. Kess, after realizing she could just change her form in lieu of ACTUALLY bathing, brings Kü a long silk tunic to replace his dress and steals a white button-up from her dad for Pearce. Now they’re Awkward Dinner Party ready!

Evil Exes, Amirite?

In case you’ve forgotten, Kess has a Brady-Bunch-worthy family. She runs into her dad, and later all three of her brothers: Zev, his twin Voss, and Rook. However, these aren’t all of the introductions the party is subjected to. As they enter the dining room in what I can only imagine is Oh My God They’re So Hot Slow Motion (with Kess donning her owl, Tibbins, for intimidation), they lay eyes on an unfamiliar and unimpressed elven woman who Xarus introduces as Sienna-- his current fiance. Well, he sure did move on fast. Between Sienna’s eye rolls, Kü’s harried feasting, and EVERYONE’S overwhelming discomfort, Xarus describes how he grew suspicious when Kess disappeared. After a little digging, he found out about the family’s arrangement with the city’s mayor, Vendreth; how he caught her criminal parents and promised them protection if they used their forces to help his failing city thrive.

Kess doesn’t see any issue, but Xarus laments that the townspeople have no idea who is running the show. It’s a clear threat, as Kess realizes the denizens would run them out of Mardosta if they knew the truth. Happy with himself and his mind games, Xarus invites his elven mistress to retire to their chambers with him…. if you know what I mean. She emotionlessly agrees, and the two leave the family alone. The Nobodies excitedly chatter about their exploits; no adventure going untold. Kü even introduces his mother, Marrow, and spends a moment praising Norse for being a good mother too. Pearce changes the subject to their treasure map, showing it briefly to Voss. He has no idea what the X’s could mean, but implores them to keep him updated. Norse then asks how long the party is staying-- enticing them with an upcoming festival that is SURE to have stickmeat. Kess proposes they stay for a while, saying they could make use of the family library and also figure out what the X closest to Mardosta hides.

Pearce not-so-subtly asks about the family’s trading habits, mostly trying to gauge if they have any dealings with his absent father. Turns out this ain’t an arms race, it’s a goddamn scene, and with routes halted in Larsham and Evercrest, the business has slowed down to a trickle. Kess breaks the business talk with a proposal for her companions and her siblings to go out on the town, and so they all prepare for a night in Mardosta. Pearce grabs his gun, Kess raids Rook’s training room for daggers (noticing a hefty potion collection), and everyone bundles up for the biting weather as they walk to the docks.

The Return of Nice Ghost

Kü spots a stationary boat in the water, with a rumpled dragonborn climbing out of it. Sus. As they get closer, they notice that it’s not a boat at all, but a disguised opening to a meeting spot called ‘The Underfrost’. Kess leads them down the cavernous tunnel lined with torches until they reach the bottom. Once there, they feast their eyes on merchants, a bar, and an imposing fighting pit-- all teeming with figures of all races. Kü jumps on the chance to, as he so eloquently describes it, ‘fuck shit up’; racing off with Voss and Zev in tow to sign up to battle. Kess instructs Pearce to place bets for the both of them as she grabs drinks… which turns out to be a monumentally bad idea. Pearce throws down 500 gold on Kü for himself but-- without express instructions from the druid-- dumps out her bag and wagers all of her 1,275 pieces of gold.

It turns out Kü is the next challenger to face… get this… Dickius Muscular. Is it his fantasy God-given name or a stage moniker? The world may never know. In any case, fervent hands push him toward the pit-- one attempting to remove his helmet. In retribution, Kü bites the tip of the offending person’s pinkie off, keeping his adornment as he summons a flood of shadows from it to cover him in armor. Thus the fight begins, and the massive goliath Dick...ius attacks our boy Kücifer with a mace in a blinding rage. Kü retaliates with his Bonemerang-- and when that does less damage that he expected, he summons Nice Ghost to keep him company. The spectral being chases after the goliath relentlessly; booping him any time he can come close. Dickius flees from the spectre, pursuing Kü-- who wreaths himself in shadow and disappears. Out of the darkness comes two fireballs, liberated from the kobold’s dwindling necklace.

Amazingly, this blast does not take his opponent out-- so Kü chugs a health potion as his vision suddenly goes green. He smells smoke and hears Mother in his head, asking to take a turn. He can do nothing but stare at Dickius as the shadows leave Kü to snake around the goliath and squeeze. Though deeply in pain, Dickius breaks free and heaves one last attack at Kü-- rendering him unconscious and sending Nice Ghost back into oblivion. With that, Kess rushes in to heal her friend, momentarily pissed at Pearce for losing all her money. Back on his feet, Kü shakily requests to be taken to bed, and the gunslinger scoops him up like a child and carries him; only to be repaid with a flow of vomit down his back as the kobold recovers slowly from his trauma. Still, Pearce keeps his composure and reassures Kü that he fought well, but begs him to try to sleep.

The Scream Heard ‘Round the Mansion

The group groggily returns to the family home and branches off to their respective rooms. Pearce gently lays Kü down and tucks him into bed before searching for a piece of paper and a writing utensil to pen a short note. He slips 200 gold into it and scrawls ‘I’m sorry’ onto the page. He slips out of the guest room to try and find Kess’ door-- and the one he picks, unbeknownst to him, is her parents’. However, our boy tried his best, so he returns to Kü; watching him as he sleeps. This dad-like worry Pearce has got going on makes me SOFT, y’all. I need MORE.

Kess, however, forgoes sleep for a time and instead grabs a bottle of wine from the kitchen. She takes it to the greenhouse and attempts to grow her second flower of the day-- which she has never done before. It takes a little more effort, but it does sprout, and she pleadingly asks to speak with the friend she grows them for. She waits, but no answer comes. Kess finishes the wine and stumbles up to her room, leaving the window open for good measure. She and Kü are sleeping soundly while Pearce fitfully wakes up from his perch on the sleeper sofa every so often to watch Kü’s chest rise and fall (PASS ME THE TISSUES). During one of his half-awake moments, Pearce watches the candle in the room extinguish and simultaneously hears a scream coming from downstairs.

Leaving the passed out kobold, Pearce takes off, only to be intercepted by Kess, who we all know has the passive perception of a dog waiting for you to drop that pepperoni on your pizza, Karen. She pulls him into the stairwell and they end up at the opening of Xarus’ chambers-- Sienna standing speechless in the doorway. When she ends up being less than helpful, the duo slip into the room, immediately laying eyes on the lifeless body of Kess’ failed groom. I wish I could say I was at all upset about this revelation, but I would be lying to you, dear readers. However, we now have a murder mystery on our hands! WHODUNNIT?!

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TL;DR

Our heroes attended a dinner party more uncomfortable than all of my family reunions put together. Talk about second-hand anxiety!

Kü is the Underfrost Fighting Pit Champion in my heart and I hope he gets a rematch against… *checks notes* the Goliath’s dick.

RIP, Xarus— ex-fiancé and stick in the mud. See you in hell.

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Kess’ed Be and catch the next session over at twitch.tv/lochness on July 21st at 7:30CST/8:30EST! AND if you’d like to watch THIS episode, you can find it at the link below: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyi5JkW-SNY

[oodsandends]

Tag Game

Tagged by: @bhc89 ! Thank you!!

Rules: tag 9 people who you want to know better/catch up with and then answer these questions

3 Ships:

Robin and Barney from How I Met Your Mother

Jonmartin (TMA)

Uhhhhhh me and a big sword

heh I don't really ship much

Last Song: Timebomb by Walk The Moon

Last Movie: The last film I ever saw in theaters was Birds of Prey and I'm weirdly proud of that. The last movie I saw on Netflix was Pan's Labyrinth.

Currently Reading: I found a collection of short stories called Shadows 3. It's ok. Also Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi, I highly recommend that one

Currently Watching: Infinity Train, maybe? Most of the shows I'm into right now are podcasts, so there isn't much watching involved

Currently Craving: Like, a really good costume mask. Maybe a wig too. I'm starting to plan out a Halloween costume >:)

Tagging: @nightcrawler-fan @kiwifluid @aptlymagical @oceanspiritus @nevergonnawalkpastafez @peejbarner @dungeons-and-dragonborns @return-of-the-trinidude @peachyswirls if you want to. Totally no pressure, it just looks like a fun little tag meme