#Heather havrilesky

[loverlaner]

new ask polly changing my life per usual

[asoftepiloguemylove]

WHY ARE YOU HAUNTED? // ON HAUNTED HOUSES

Frederick Kiesler Inside the Endless House // The Haunting of Hill House (2018) cr. Mike Flanagan // Lisa Robertson Magenta Soul Whip // Joan Tierney Why Are You Haunted? // V.C. Andrews // Heather Havrileskyb Haunted Womanhood // Shirley Jackson The Haunting of Hill House // The Haunting of Hill House cr. Mike Flanagan // Tracy K. Smith Ash // Anatomy (2016) cr. Kitty Horrorshow

[sicknessinmotion]

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE; BETWEEN BEING LONELY & BEING ALONE.

jennifer s. cheng // @camojacketfag // heather havrilesky // @camojacketfag // carol lee // @twinsfawn // jenny slate.

[slowlikehoney1996]

‘i have no close friends!’ - ask polly

[fairydrowning]

"Stop cringing – at your future, at your failure, at yourself in the mirror – and stand up and look directly at who you are. Not who you should've been, but who you are now. Let that person in. Let her be as mediocre and wrong and shameful and sad and miserable and brilliant and hilarious as she wants to be, because she knows exactly what you need to feel good. She has plans for you. She wants to show you what comes next. She wants to take you into the future you're dreading and say, "See? You never would've imagined this."

– Heather Havrilesky

[dogearedheart]

I walk around all day thinking: i’m going to die in the universe you loved me in.

[letter to S, hospital, emily skaja || despair, supernatural || from the weary blues (alfred a. knopf, 1926), langston hughes || our lady of tears, luciacv || ask polly: help, I’m the loneliest person in the world!, heather havrilesky || disappointed love, francis danby || from absolute solitude: selected poems, dulce maría loynaz, tr. by james o’connor || unkown || 3 poems, june gehringer]

[texasinnersmile]

a small pastiche about shyness 

Secretary (2002) / Ask Polly: I’m So Shy And It’s Ruining My Life! / Ask by The Smiths / ‘Morning Sun’ by Edward Hopper (1952) / Jason by Perfume Genius 

[sinligh]

In the name of healing I bite chunks of myself daily, spit them out in my hand with the intention to wash it away later

Eventually, i end up over analyzing them, like everything else in my life

grafts of all the causes I’m still here, glued together by my mother’s fears

be the Alpha female, she said. “feed on your most beloved, a cup of the moon’s blood every night before bed for you to run alone forever, run wild, never slip”

I Shower myself with self-loathing, lick my own wounds close Keep me sane, keep me safe

loneliness to me is just another insecurity that is dangling from my prefrontal cortex, dangling right in front of my eyes… for me to see the world through it.

I spend hours looking at the bloody chunks in my hand, thinking where did i go wrong ? how much can I hold on to this heartache ?

I've been running around it all my life, running around red lines, red lines circle me, i run in circles around myself I’m all that I’ve ever knew, yet, I only know myself in fading

A distant memory, a deja vu…

All I really know, is that the only stable in my life is the fact that I exist, and that it’s a temporary state.

jamais vu.

will the lines fade if i eat what i bit off of myself again ? if i chew and chew and chew… If i teach myself to stomach it will i be whole again?

is holding on to those pieces enough to satisfy my desire to be held ?

Or does it make me a feral rogue ?

Schizophrenic delusions ticking in my head…

Sometimes I wonder if it’s my fault that I’m this alone…

then again I wasn’t the one feeding myself all the insecurities as a young child.

I wasn’t the one playing pretend.

It was never my fault, my mother thought faking happiness is the way to protect me, it was never my fault father wasn’t interested in the details, as long as I was his perfect girl…

Now, I can’t hold on to anything the way i hold on to the lunatic turmoil that makes me sway and laugh on my own personal misery.

Call it history.

Hide behind defensive humor, get my inner demons drunk on caffeine, mistake that high for happiness cause mama did too…

And wait for caffeine withdrawal to wake us up, both of us…

I’ve never been hangover, but I imagine this is how it’ll feel

The aura ? The migraine?

The urge to throw myself up to be reborn clean.

•••

•Quotes: Olivia Laing/Heather Havrilesky/ Olivia Laing/ Marya Hornbacher/Anaïs Nin/Camille Norton/ Alice Oseman/ eduardo C. Corral/anne carson/ Joanne Harris/ Hannah Green/Hannah Green/Lisel Mueller

•Original context: sinligh

•Art reference:

1. Sasha Hartslief, Late Night Shower, 2021. 2. Getting Up by Vincent Giarrano. 3.illustration by Owen Gent. 4. The Lovers on the Bridge, 1991. 5. "Beverly Edmier 1967' Keith Edmier, 1998

•song recommendation:

P.s: the whole album is a masterpiece ! Give it a try, thank me later.

[liefst]

this most recent ask polly is articulating everything i ever aspire to be

[360iris]

[virtualplushy]

snippets from this week's ask polly (x) [ID in ALT]

[asoftepiloguemylove]

Heyy, I love ur content and can I request a Web weaving of being alone or loneliness? Thankyou <3

i hope you're doing well <33

Alice Oseman Radio Silence / The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012) dir. Stephen Chbosky / Gail Honeyman Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine / Susan Sontag As Consciousness is Harnessed to Flesh: Journals and Notebooks, 1964-1980 / The Double (2013) dir. Richard Ayoade / Heather Havrilesky Ask Polly: Help, I'm The Loneliest Person In The World! / Taylor Steele Shocker / Amy Dunne

[hiyutekivigil]

[cybernarcissus]

[slowlikehoney1996]

am i a shrill, controlling harpy or is my best friend a user? - ask polly

[b0ydyke]

succession // heather havrilesky