#Heart & Soul Collective

[work-at-home-mania]

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[v6quewrlds]

TOO PROUD, JOE BURROW.

pairing⠀⁎⠀lsu!fwb!joe burrow x reader. word count⠀⁎⠀8.3k.

summary⠀⁎⠀being friends with benefits with the cool, calm, and collected quarterback has been nothing short of a fantasy. but when he loses his cool in a way you've never seen before, you start to pull away.

author's note⠀⁎⠀happy one month anniversary to this request sitting in my inbox! ty to the anon(s) for requesting <3 not totally in love with the way this one is written, but it's been sitting around for long enough. warnings⠀⁎⠀one use of "y/n", joe pining after reader, features clyde, justin, and grant, 18+ mdni, smut & angst, oral (m. receiving), fingering, unprotected sex, public sex, wall sex.

You hummed to yourself as you folded your warm laundry, your eyes scanning the pile of clothes, searching for any pieces of clothing that didn't belong. Joe's clothing always seemed to find their way into your basket, but you weren't complaining. You enjoyed the scent of his cologne lingering on the fabric, a sweet aroma that reminded you of his laugh and the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. Sure enough, a stray LSU Football tee lay nestled between your own clothes, and you couldn't help the smile that appeared on your face as you held it to your nose.

Your thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the buzzing of your phone. It was late, the sky was pitch black outside, and you knew what that call meant. Your heart skipped a beat, and you felt the heat rush to your cheeks. You hadn't seen him - or fucked him - in almost a week. Between his season amping up, your classes, and your social lives, you had barely talked. But when Joe called, it was never just to catch up.

You threw the shirt aside and answered, your voice breathier than you intended. “Hey.”

“Hey, you busy tonight?” Joe's voice was strained, a clear indicator of what he had in mind. You felt a mix of excitement and annoyance. He never called this late unless he wanted you in his bed, yet you couldn't resist the allure of his deep, husky tone. You glanced at the time - 10 PM - and figured you could spare some time before heading to bed. Whether you'd fall asleep at his place or yours remained to be seen.

“Nah, just doing laundry. What's up?” you responded nonchalantly, trying to hide your anticipation.

Joe let out a sigh of relief. “Can you come over?”

You rolled your eyes, playing hard to get. “It's pretty late, Joe. What's so important?”

“You know what's important,” Joe said, his voice dropping lower, more insistent. You could almost feel the heat of his breath through the phone.

“Hmmm, not really. You should tell me why it's so urgent," you teased, your hands setting aside a pair of jeans to hang up later. You knew exactly what Joe wanted, but you enjoyed the thrill of making him ask for it. He was a man of duality - the composed quarterback on the field, the shy soul when it came to expressing his desires.

“Look, I just - I need you. Okay?” Joe sighed, and you giggled, your heart fluttering at his vulnerability. It was a side of him you didn't get to see often.

You bit your bottom lip, the sweet feeling of victory bubbling through you. “Well, when you put it that way... I suppose I can make an exception.”

Joe's sigh of relief was audible even through the phone. “I'll meet you downstairs, call me when you're outside,” he said before ending the call. You felt a thrill run through your body at the thought of seeing him. You pulled on a form-fitting long-sleeve, your cotton shorts barely covering your ass as you strutted out of the house with your keys, wallet, and phone in hand.

When you arrived at Joe's place, you parked your car in an empty spot just two spaces down from his. The building was quiet, the only sound was the distant murmur of music from passing cars. You sent him a quick text as you locked your car door. He appeared almost immediately, his eyes scanning the darkness until they found you. He wore a simple white tee that clung to his muscular chest and sweatpants that hung low on his hips, showing off the waistband of his boxers. You couldn't help but appreciate the view as you approached.

Joe's faint smile grew into a full grin as he saw you approaching. He stepped forward, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into a tight embrace, his nose nuzzling into your hair. You melted into the warmth of his body, your hands sliding around his neck as you kissed, a kiss filled with the familiar hunger that only grew with time apart. His hands traveled down your back, gripping your ass and lifting you slightly, making you gasp into his mouth. The chemistry between you was palpable, a silent conversation of passion that needed no words. Your legs wrapped around his waist with a giggle as he swiped his key and opened the door, carrying you into his apartment.

Inside, the room was bathed in a soft glow from the lamp by his bed, casting shadows across the floor. He kicked the door shut with a thud. You could feel the tension in the air, the anticipation thick as Joe carried you to his bed, he threw your body onto the soft mattress. He hovered above you, his eyes dark with desire, his hands skimming the bare skin of your thighs.

Your heart raced as Joe's hands moved with a confidence you had grown accustomed to, yet never failed to excite you. You watched as he peeled off his shirt, revealing the muscular chest you had admired from afar so many times. His abs flexed with each movement, a testament to the countless hours he spent in the gym and on the field. You reached up, tracing the lines of his torso with your nails, making him gasp. His skin was hot under your touch, and you felt a thrill of power knowing you could elicit such a response from him.

As Joe worked your shorts down, you sat up, eager to help. Your eyes locked, the air crackling with electricity. You slid the fabric of your shirt up over your head revealing your bare body. You wore nothing but a black lace thong underneath. Joe's eyes widened as he took you in, his hunger unmistakable. He leaned down, kissing you deeply as his hands found your breasts, his thumbs flicking over your nipples, making you gasp. Your own hands were busy, pushing down his sweats, freeing his erection. You wrapped your hand around his length, sinking to your knees before him.

Joe's hand cradled your face as you took him in your mouth, your tongue teasing the tip before taking him deeper. You knew exactly how he liked it, the rhythm that would drive him wild, and you didn't disappoint. He groaned, his hips bucking slightly, and you felt his hands tighten in your hair. You looked up, your eyes locked in a silent challenge, and took him deeper still. His breathing grew ragged as he threw his head back, his grip on you tightening.

“Fuck,” Joe breathed out, his eyes fluttering shut as he felt your warm mouth wrapped around him. His body was on fire, the sensations you were giving him too intense to ignore. He knew he wouldn't last long with your skilled tongue working him over, and he didn't want to. He craved more of you, all of you.

“Hold on, get on the bed,” Joe grunted, his voice thick with desire as he pulled away from you. You complied, your legs trembling slightly as you climbed onto the bed, watching Joe as he fully removed his sweatpants and boxers. His cock stood proudly erect, the tip glistening with pre-cum and your saliva. You licked your lips, eager to taste him again. But Joe had other plans.

With a surge of roughness, he flipped you onto your stomach, his hands gripping your hips. You gasped, the sudden change in position sending a thrill through your body. You felt his warm breath on the back of your neck, his teeth grazing your skin as he whispered, “You want me to fuck you? You want this?” His words were gruff, demanding an answer from you.

“Yes, Joe, yes, please,” you whimpered, your voice muffled by the pillow. You felt the heat of his cock against your ass as he positioned himself behind you. The anticipation was agonizing, your body begging for release. His hand slid down, his fingers finding your slick folds, teasing your entrance before plunging into your wetness. You arched your back, your body eager to be filled by him.

Without warning, Joe thrust into you, the force making your cry out. The sensation was overwhelming, his length stretching you as he buried himself to the hilt. Your nails dug into the bedspread, your body tightening around him as you adjusted to his size. He didn't pause, setting a relentless pace that had your hips pushing back to meet his thrusts. Each movement sent waves of pleasure through your body, the friction of his skin against yours creating a symphony of sensation.

One hand pressed into your back, holding your flush to the sheets with no room for escape, while the other hand gripped your hip, guiding you to meet his every thrust. Your breaths grew shallow, your moans growing louder as Joe's rhythm quickened. His movements grew more urgent, the sound of skin slapping skin filling the quiet room.

“Fuck, Joe, harder,” you panted, your voice muffled by the pillow as Joe's hips pounded into you, each stroke hitting that perfect spot. Your body responded, your inner walls tightening around him, urging him on. The headboard banged against the wall, a steady rhythm that matched your breaths. You could feel yourself getting closer, the pressure building deep within you.

Joe groaned, his grip on your hips tightening as he slammed into you. His own release was near, his muscles tensing as he felt your body responding to his every move. He leaned over, pressing his hips against your ass, pounding into you relentlessly. Your moans grew more urgent, your body writhing under his as you neared your climax.

“I'm gonna come,” Joe’s voice was strained, his breath hot on your skin as he whispered, his teeth grazing your earlobe. The words sent a shiver down your spine, and you pushed back into him, eager to feel his climax fill you. “Where do you want me, pretty girl?”

“On my tits,” you managed to say through gritted teeth, your body begging for the release you knew was coming.

Joe chuckled darkly and pulled out of you, the sudden emptiness making your whine. He flipped you onto your back, your thighs parted, and straddled your hips. The sight of his cock, glistening with your wetness, made your head spin. He positioned himself between your thighs, jerking himself off as he watched your breasts heave with each breath you took.

“Touch yourself, wanna see those pretty eyes roll back when I paint those pretty tits,” Joe instructed, his own eyes blazing with passion as he stroked his cock. You obeyed, your hand sliding down your body to your clit, your fingers circling the sensitive nub as you watched Joe's hand move rapidly up and down his shaft.

Your breaths grew shallower, your eyes fluttering as you felt the first wave of your orgasm building. “Close, Joe, so close,” you whispered, your voice trembling.

“Come for me,” he urged, his own release imminent. His strokes grew more erratic, his breaths quickening. You could see the veins pulsing in his arms, the tension in his jaw as he fought to hold back.

Your hand moved faster, your hips bucking off the bed. You could feel the tingle in your toes, the warmth spreading through your core. Your eyes locked with Joe's, and you felt the connection between them, the raw, carnally charged bond that had formed over your months of lowkey hookups. The room was a blur of heat and passion as you climbed higher, your body begging for release.

Joe's eyes bore into yours, watching you intently. With a growl, he gave into the pressure building in his balls and shot his load onto your chest and neck. Your orgasm hit you like a tidal wave, your body convulsing under his as you moaned his name. The warmth of his cum painted your skin, your bottom lip caught between your teeth to keep from moaning out too loud.

As you both came down from your highs, Joe collapsed beside you, his chest heaving with exertion. He reached over, using his thumb to wipe a stray drop of cum from your clavicle, a gentle gesture that seemed out of place amidst the carnality of the moment. You couldn't help but feel a twinge of something more than just physical satisfaction. But you quickly shoved the feeling aside. This was just sex, a mutual agreement with no strings attached.

“Need a rag? Or do you like it like that?” Joe quipped with a chuckle, his eyes gleaming with mischief. You playfully pushed him away, laughing as you sat up to inspect the mess. The sight of you, flushed and satisfied, nearly gave Joe a headache from the dizzying satisfaction. He suppressed the urge to pull you back down for round two and instead grabbed his t-shirt from the floor, tossing it to you.

Wiping yourself off, you couldn't help but feel a twinge of something you hadn't felt in a long time: comfort. Sure, your arrangement was unconventional, and Joe could be a bit of an unaware dickhead at times, but moments like this reminded you of why you kept coming back.

You lay there in silence for a while, your breaths mingling in the air. Joe's arm was casually slung over your waist, his thumb idly drawing circles on your bare skin. You felt his eyes on you, but you didn't look over. Instead, you focused on the sound of his heart beating in sync with your own racing pulse.

“So, I accidentally met your parents yesterday,” you said, breaking the quiet. “They were tailgating before the game, and they spotted me in your jersey. They’re super nice, by the way.” Your voice was light, but there was an edge to it. You waited for his reaction, expecting him to laugh it off or maybe even be happy you’d made the effort. “I didn't tell them anything, obviously, just said I was a fan. I didn't want to make it awkward.”

Joe's expression tightened, his thumb pausing on your skin. “Why the fuck would you do that?” His voice was harsh, and you could see the annoyance in his eyes.

You stiffened, your eyebrows furrowing. “What do you mean, why? I didn’t know they were your parents. And even if I did, I'm not gonna be rude. I said hello, talked about my major, and said I was a fan.”

Joe sat up, his expression darkening. “You had no business talking to them. You're not my girlfriend. This is just supposed to be us fucking around.”

You felt the blood rush to your face, the sting of his words cutting deeper than you expected. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” you snapped, tossing the t-shirt aside. “I can't even say hello to your parents without it being an issue? You think I'm some kind of bitch?”

Joe sighed, his eyes searching yours. “No, that's not it. It's just - I don't want them getting the wrong idea. They're already worried about me with all the pressure from the team and school. They don't need to know I'm messing around with someone, especially when it's not serious. You know how they are.”

Your anger flared up. “No, I don't know how they are. I don’t know them!” You stood up, the sheets falling away from your body. “What the fuck’s your problem?”

Joe looked at you, his eyes filled with frustration. “My problem is that you don’t understand the situation. You don’t get what it took for me to get here. My parents think I’m focusing on football and school, not screwing around with random girls that might try to take advantage of me. My parents don’t need to know about my sex life!”

Your eyes narrowed. “So that’s what I am to you? A random girl trying to take advantage of you?”

Joe’s sigh was filled with irritation. “What the fuck? Does it matter?” He threw his hands up in exasperation. “We agreed on this. The whole point of this is that you’re not my girlfriend. You don’t get to meet my parents unless it’s something serious, and this isn’t serious.”

You felt like you’d been slapped. The room grew colder, and you felt your eyes water. You didn’t know why his words hit you so hard, but they did. You quickly grabbed your clothes and started to get dressed. “Fine. I’ll make sure to keep my random ass away from your precious family next time, Joe.”

Joe watched you, his expression shifting from annoyance to regret. He knew he had crossed a line, and he reached out to stop you. “Come on, don't be like that.”

But you were already dressed, your eyes blazing with anger. You slammed the bedroom door behind you, leaving Joe sitting on the bed, his erection gone and replaced with a sinking feeling in his gut. He had screwed up, big time. With a huff he fell back onto the pillows, running a hand through his hair. He had gone too far, said too much, and now he had to deal with the aftermath. He knew you had blossoming feelings for him, even if you never admitted it. But he didn't know how to deal with them, not when his life was so fucking complicated already.

He threw on a pair of sweatpants and a clean shirt before going into the living room. He grabbed his phone, scrolling through his messages, hoping you had sent him something, anything, to ease the tension. But you had blocked him everywhere. The cold realization hit him hard. You were really upset, and he had no idea how to fix it.

Days went by, and Joe felt like a zombie. He went through the motions of practice, classes, and life, but without your fiery energy to fall back on, it was all just a blur. His friends noticed the change in him. Justin and Clyde exchanged worried looks when Joe barely reacted to their jokes, and Grant kept asking him if everything was okay. But Joe just shrugged them off, not ready to admit that a simple no-strings-attached arrangement gone wrong had left him feeling so lost.

“Burrow, you look like shit, man. What’s going on?” Clyde's voice cut through Joe's foggy thoughts as he stumbled into the locker room after a particularly grueling practice.

Joe grunted, not bothering to look up. “It’s nothing.” He reached for his phone, contained in his duffel bag. Nothing from you. Your messages, your snaps, all gone. It was as if you had disappeared.

“If you tell me this pouty bullshit is because of a girl, I’m gonna have to intervene,” Clyde said, smacking Joe on the back of the head. The quarterback scowled at him, but the running back only laughed. “Come on man, spit it out. Maybe my psychology classes are good for something.”

Joe sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s Y/N. We had a fight after the last time she came over. She’s not taking my calls or anything now.”

Clyde whistled low. “Damn, that’s harsh. What did you do?”

Joe looked up, his eyes tired. “Why do you think I did something?”

Justin jumped into the conversation, his smile only serving to irritate Joe further. “Because we know you, Joe Cool. You probably said something dumb and now she’s showing you how cool she can be.”

Grant looked confused. “Wait, huh? What’s going on here?”

“It’s nothing,” Joe mumbled, stuffing his phone into his pocket. He didn’t want to get into it, especially with Grant. The safety had grown to become pretty close friends with you, and Joe didn’t need him to know how badly he had fucked up. He especially didn’t want to hear about how unaffected you were by it all.

“Look, man, if you need to talk—” Clyde started, but Joe cut him off.

“I’m fine. It’s just a misunderstanding, that’s all,” Joe said, trying to sound more convincing than he felt. “I’ll fix it. I just need to talk to her, figure out what I can do to fix it. She’s just upset about something, she’ll come around.”

Justin and Clyde exchanged a knowing look, but they didn’t push further. They had seen Joe like this before, and they knew better than to get in the way when he was dealing with his emotions.

The weekend rolled around, and Joe found himself at a loss for what to do without you. Normally, the two of you would be planning your next meet up, sending each other flirty texts and pictures that sent your pulses racing. But now, there was only silence, and it was deafening. He tried to focus on the game coming up, but his mind kept drifting back to you, to the way you had looked at him, hurt and angry, before you stormed out.

During Saturday's game he searched the student section, hoping he'd catch a glimpse of your dark hair and those brown eyes, but you were nowhere to be found. You never missed a game, even before you started hooking up, but Joe knew you were avoiding him now. The win didn't feel as sweet without you cheering him on, without the promise of hot victory sex waiting for him afterward.

Monday rolled around, and Joe couldn't ignore the pit in his stomach as he walked into class. He had hoped that maybe you’d be there, that you would have cooled off and you could talk things out. You were sitting at the back of the class with your headphones on, ignoring him completely. He attempted to take his usual seat next to you, slowly stalking up the row to the empty seat to your right. But as he approached, you turned to look at him, your eyes cold and unyielding.

“I didn't see you at the game,” Joe said, trying to keep his voice steady as he sat down next to you. You didn’t even look at him, keeping your gaze focused on your laptop screen.

“I had other plans,” you replied curtly, your fingers flying over the keyboard as you typed away, clearly not interested in his attempt at conversation.

Joe felt a pang of regret. He should have known better than to push your buttons like that. He leaned back in his chair, watching you from the corner of his eye. You looked incredible, as always, in an oversized Saints jersey with an edge tucked underneath your bra and a pair of cutoff jeans, ones he had watched your cut from an old pair of jeans several weeks ago. Your hair was neatly styled into a high puff, showcasing your beautiful features, and Joe couldn't help but miss the way you used to lean into him, your head on his shoulder, while you talked about your weekends in his bed.

The professor began the lecture, and you removed your headphones, but you didn’t acknowledge Joe’s existence. He felt like an outsider in a class you had shared for months. The tension between them was palpable, and Joe's mind drifted from the lecture to your last heated exchange. He had never seen you so upset, so hurt by his words. The silence stretched on, and Joe felt the need to fill it with anything, even if it was just noise.

The lecture seemed to drag on forever, Joe's thoughts consumed by your icy demeanor. He couldn't remember the last time you’d gone this long without speaking. His mind raced with apologies and explanations, trying to formulate the perfect words to make things right between them. As the class ended, students began to pack up their things, chatting among themselves as they prepared to leave.

“Hey,” Joe said tentatively as you stood up, your backpack slung over one shoulder. You turned to look at him, your expression unreadable. “Can we talk?”

You rolled your eyes with a sigh. “There's nothing to talk about, Joe,” you replied, your voice flat. “I'm not your girlfriend, remember?” You started to walk away, but Joe reached out and grabbed your wrist, trying to halt your retreat. You snatched your hand away, eyes blazing as you continued on your path, pushing through the doors of the classroom and then of the building.

“Look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to make it seem like you're just some random girl to me. You know you're not. I just... I'm stressed, man. The team, school, everything's riding on me. I don't need my parents getting involved in my personal life, making things complicated.” His words came out in a rush, desperation lacing his voice.

You paused. You felt a flicker of something that might have been understanding, but you quickly squashed it. You couldn't let him off the hook that easily. “Well, maybe you should have realized that before you opened your mouth and said something stupid.”

Joe's eyes searched yours, looking for any hint of forgiveness, but all he saw was anger and hurt. He knew he had to do something big, something that would show you he was serious about fixing this. He leaned closer, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Look, I know I fucked up, okay? I miss you. I miss this. Us. Let's go out tonight. Just us, no strings, no pressure. We'll talk, I'll apologize properly, and maybe we can move on from this shit, okay?”

You hesitated, the mention of your previous intimacy sending a shiver down your spine. You missed the way Joe made you feel too. But you weren't going to be swayed so easily. “Why should I? You're just going to say whatever you think I want to hear to get back into my pants, and then we're right back where we started.”

Joe leaned in closer, his voice earnest. “Because I mean it. I do. I miss the way we laugh together, the way we talk about nothing for hours. And, yeah, I miss hooking up. But I miss you, all of you. I know I hurt you, and I want to make it right.”

You stared at him for a long moment, your emotions warring within you. “You don't get to decide when we're just fucking and when we're not, Joe. You don’t get to treat me like that and then expect me to come running back when you decide you miss me.” Your voice was firm, but Joe could hear the waver in it, the hint of vulnerability you were trying so hard to hide. “I gotta go.”

With that, you turned on your heel and walked away, leaving Joe standing on the sidewalk, feeling like an absolute asshole. He watched your retreating figure, your hips swaying as you disappeared into the throngs of students moving between classes.

For the rest of the day, Joe's thoughts were consumed with you. He couldn't focus on his schoolwork or his football strategies; all he could think about was the pain he saw in your eyes when he called you a “random”. He knew he had to do something to make it right, but he didn’t know where to start.

It was the Tigers' bye week so he figured he had about a week to make this right. And Joe Burrow was not a man to let things slide. He knew he had to act fast before you completely wrote him off. He spent the rest of the day in a daze, his mind racing with grand gestures and apologies he could make to win you back. But as the hours ticked by, he realized that maybe it wasn’t about the grandeur of his apology, but the sincerity behind it.

“Hello?” Alani, your roommate, waved a hand in front of your face, snapping you out of your daze. You had been staring at your phone screen, replaying the conversation with Joe over and over in your mind. Your thumb hovered over the unblock button, the temptation to reach out to him almost too much to handle.

You looked up, shaking your head. “Sorry, this shit with Joe is just... I don’t know. It’s fucking with my head, Lani.”

Alani nodded sympathetically, crossing your arms. “Well, you can’t miss what you never had. Maybe it’s time to move on, girl.”

You rolled your eyes. “Easy for you to say, you’ve been dating the same guy for three years. You don’t know what it’s like to have something so intense and then have it just... not mean anything to the other person. I've never cried in front of him, and when he said that bullshit, I almost did.”

Alani sighed, sitting down on the bed next to you. “Look, I get it. But maybe he just doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings. You guys have always had this... complicated situation. Maybe he needs to spend a little time without you to realize what he’s missing.”

You scoffed. “Yeah, because that’s totally what’s going to happen. He’s going to sit in his room, mope around, and suddenly realize that I’m the love of his life.” You tossed your phone onto the bed, the frustration in your voice palpable. “Why did I have to fuck the quarterback? Why couldn’t I just find literally any other guy to hook up with?”

“Because Joe Burrow is hot as fuck. And because he’s obviously into you, even if he’s an idiot who doesn’t know how to show it.” Alani said, her voice filled with a blend of amusement and annoyance. You couldn’t argue with that. Joe was the epitome of gorgeous, and you had been drawn to him like a moth to a flame from the moment you had met. But his emotional cluelessness was starting to wear on you.

The week dragged on, and you threw yourself into your studies and workouts, trying to keep yourself busy. But every time you saw someone wearing an LSU jersey, or spotted one of Joe's teammates, your thoughts drifted back to him. Despite your best efforts, you couldn’t ignore the gaping hole in your life where he used to be.

Finally, Saturday night arrived, and you had had enough of moping around. You were going out with Alani and Portia, your other roommate, to blow off some steam. You all got dressed up in your sexiest outfits, ready to conquer the Baton Rouge nightlife. Per advice from Portia, you tugged on the shortest skirt you owned and paired it with a tight tube top that left little to the imagination.

As you were leaving your apartment, your phone buzzed in your pocket. It was a message from Grant. 

You still pregaming with us?

The words were a reminder of the world that Joe had brought you into, and how you were now being invited to it without him. You took a deep breath, trying to compose yourself. 

Yeah, we’re on our way.

When you arrived, the bass of the music hit you like a wall, vibrating through your chest as you entered Grant's apartment. There were a handful of guys from the team that you knew by name, eagerly taking advantage of the bye week to let loose. You spotted Grant immediately, his broad smile lighting up the room. Portia skipped over to him first, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him, leaving you and Alani to exchange gagging noises before you were also swept into the rush of pregaming before hitting the frats.

But Joe was nowhere in sight, and you felt a strange mix of relief and disappointment. Maybe this was for the best, you thought. Maybe you could finally have some fun without the weight of your unresolved issues hanging over you. The three of them took shots, danced, and flirted, the energy of the party building like a crescendo. And then, like a cruel joke, Joe appeared, his eyes locked on yours from across the room.

Your heart skipped a beat, and you felt a sudden urge to flee. But you couldn't. Not with the way he looked at you—like he hadn't seen you in months rather than days. He was dressed in a vintage-style Kendrick Lamar T-shirt and jeans that hugged his muscular thighs, and you couldn't help but remember the last time you had seen him undressed, the way he felt inside you. You took a deep breath, tipping back a shot of tequila to steel yourself for whatever was about to come. Your hair was different from the last time he saw you. Your natural coils exchanged for a sew-in of some sort. He tried to sift through his memories of your conversations, knowing you had to have told him the exact name of the style you frequently reverted to at some point.

Joe instantly recognized the tiny little skirt that barely contained your ass, and his jaw clenched. You had intended on wearing it at least half a dozen times before. But, you had never managed to make it past the threshold of your apartment before he had torn it off you. The sight of you in it now, surrounded by his teammates, made his blood boil with a mix of anger and desire.

He stalked over to you, his eyes never leaving yours as he approached. You felt your body heat up under his intense gaze, the alcohol in your system doing little to dull the effect he had on you. You knew you were playing with fire, but you couldn’t help yourself. You had to keep your walls up.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” Joe’s voice was low and gruff.

You rolled your eyes, taking another shot. “Clothes, Joe. It’s a revolutionary concept, I know,” you said, your voice laced with sarcasm. You didn’t miss the way his eyes raked over your body, and you felt a thrill of satisfaction. You knew you looked amazing tonight.

Joe’s eyes narrowed, his jaw tightening as he took in your outfit. “You've never worn that out,” he said through gritted teeth, his voice thick with accusation.

You shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “Well, I guess there's always a first time for everything, right?” you said, your voice dripping with challenge. You could feel the eyes of the other guys on you, and you knew Joe could too. It was like a silent battle of wills played out in the middle of a crowded room.

“Joe! Get yo ass over here, boy. We ‘bout to head to the frat!” Clyde’s boisterous voice cut through the tension, slapping Joe’s hand against his back as he pulled him away from you. You smirked at the interruption, enjoying the frustration on his face.

The group spilled out into the cool night air, the scent of spilled beer and sweat mixing with the sweet aroma of a great season that hung over the city. You felt Joe’s eyes on you as you swayed to the music, the beat of the bass echoing through your body. You knew you were driving him crazy, and a part of you reveled in it. The anger still smoldered within you, but you couldn’t deny the thrill you felt at having his attention solely on you.

As you all made your way to the frat house, you felt a gentle nudge against your back, and you turned to see Justin smiling down at you. “You know you a lil' asshole? I ain't seen you show out like this in a minute,” he teased.

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at your lips. “Don't play with me, I had a shitty week and I'm just trying to get loose,” you said, taking a sip of your vodka lemonade.

Justin chuckled and shook his head, “You tryna get turned loose.” You threw your head back with a cackle, taking another sip of your drink. The warmth of the alcohol spread through you, and you felt a bit more relaxed. As you approached the frat house, the music grew louder, and the lights grew brighter, casting a neon glow over the rowdy crowd.

Joe, unable to keep his eyes off you, watched your dance with a fiery passion that had his heart racing. He wanted to stride over and pull you into his arms, but he knew better. Instead, he found himself glaring at every guy who dared to look your way. His friends noticed his mood and tried to include him in your conversations, but Joe's mind was elsewhere.

Inside the frat house, the air was thick with the scent of cheap beer and the promise of a wild night. Your hips moved to the rhythm of the music, drawing the gazes of the intoxicated partygoers. You felt Joe’s eyes on you, a silent battle of wills playing out across the crowded room. With each sway of your hips and flick of your hair, you felt a surge of power knowing you had his attention. Every so often you’d have to pull your skirt down and your top up, giving him a teasing glimpse of what he was missing.

Alani and Portia danced beside you, occasionally whispering in your ear, egging you on. But you didn't need encouragement. The beat of the music and the burn of the alcohol in your system fueled your need to push Joe's buttons. You knew you were playing a dangerous game, but the thrill was too intense to resist.

Joe’s patience grew thinner with every passing second. His eyes followed you as you danced, your body moving in ways that had his imagination running wild. He took another shot, trying to dull the ache in his chest, the guilt and frustration melding into a toxic cocktail. He knew he had to talk to you, to explain himself, but you remained elusive, conveniently dancing away whenever he approached.

The night grew wilder, the music louder, and Joe's resolve stronger. He'd had enough of this dance. He wove through the crowd, the alcohol giving him liquid courage, until he was right behind you. He placed his hands on your waist, his touch firm as he pulled your ass against his crotch. Your eyes snapped up, surprise and anger flashing across your face. You tried to twist away, but Joe’s grip was like steel.

“What the hell, Joe?” you snarled, your voice barely audible over the music.

“You’ve been fucking with me all night. What did you expect?” he shot back, his voice a gruff hiss in your ear.

Your body stiffened against him, your eyes flashing with a mix of anger and arousal. You knew he was right, but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of admitting it. You turned to face him, pushing him back with a look of pure defiance. “Fuck off,” you spat, your voice low and full of warning.

Joe stepped closer, his blown out blue eyes burning into yours. “You want to play games, fine. But know that every time you dance like that, every time you give me that look, I'm going to want you more. So, I'm not playing around anymore. We're going to talk now.”

You felt the heat of his body against yours, and you couldn’t help the shiver that ran down your spine. You wanted to push him away, to maintain your cool façade, but his touch was too much. You nodded curtly, and Joe led you through the sweaty, pulsing mass of bodies, his hand tightly gripping your waist. You found a quieter corner of the frat house, the music a distant throb in the background.

Joe took a deep breath, his eyes searching yours. “Look, I know I said some fucked up shit that I didn't think through. And I was wrong, okay? I just... it scared me, the idea of you meeting my family. It's not that you're not important to me, but I'm not ready for that shit yet.”

Your eyes narrowed, the anger in your voice clear as day. “I didn't plan to meet your parents, Joe. It just happened. And you know what? It's not fair of you to get pissed at me for it.”

Joe nodded, his expression earnest. “I know. I get that now. I'm sorry. I just... I don't know how to handle all this shit.”

You groaned, rolling your eyes up to the ceiling. “What does that even mean, Joe? What is there to handle?” You crossed your arms over your chest, pushing your breasts up and causing the tight fabric of your top to stretch even more.

Joe raked a hand through his hair, his eyes lingering on your exposed cleavage before meeting yours again. “I wanted to handle this the right way. I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me without all this bullshit. I wanted to introduce you to my parents when I was ready, not because you bumped into them. But here we are, and I'm fucking it up like always.”

Your anger began to dissipate, but the hurt remained. “Well, you had your chance. And you blew it.”

Joe stepped closer, his hand reaching for yours. “I know. But I'm asking for another one. Please. Give me another chance to make this right.”

Your resolve wavered, the warmth of his hand sending a jolt through you. You stared at him for what felt like an eternity, your eyes searching his for any sign of insincerity. Finally, you sighed, “You're lucky you're hot, Burrow. That's all you got going for you right now.”

Joe cracked a smile, his thumb brushing against your palm. “Is that a yes?”

You rolled your eyes but didn’t pull away. “It's a don't be fucking stupid.”

Joe leaned in. “So that's a yes?” His voice was back to its baseline, deep and dark, sending a shiver down your spine. You rolled your eyes again, but the heat between them was undeniable. He licked at his lips, hands sliding down to cup your ass firmly. Your breath hitched, your body responding despite your mind’s protest. Your hands snuck up into his hair, pulling him closer to you as you bit your bottom lip with a smile.

The music swelled around them, a pulsing beat that matched the tempo of your racing hearts. Your skirt had ridden up even further, and Joe aching for a greedy look at your barely covered pussy, shimmering from your dance and your desire for him. His cock grew hard in his pants, and he knew that if you didn’t find some privacy soon, you’d be fucking right there in the middle of the party.

“Come on,” he murmured, tugging your hand as he led you through the frat house, ignoring the curious glances thrown your way. The two of you found an empty bedroom, the door barely hanging on its hinges. He pushed you inside and slammed it shut behind them, the sudden silence deafening. The room smelled faintly of weed, booze, and perfume, a scent that only served to excite him further.

You leaned against the wall, your breathing ragged. Joe stepped closer, his hands sliding up your thighs to your hips. He kissed your neck, feeling the rapid pulse beneath his lips. “Is this what you wanted? To get me all riled up in front of everyone?” His voice was a low growl, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin just below your ear.

Your hands found the hem of his shirt, your nails digging into his back. “Maybe,” you whispered, your voice thick with lust. “You're sexy when you’re mad. Gonna be good and say sorry?”

Joe smirked, his hands sliding around to squeeze your ass again. “I'm sorry. I fucked up. I was an idiot. I just... I don't know what I was thinking,” he murmured, his voice thick with need. “But you look so fucking good in that skirt, I can't think straight when you're around.”

Your breath hitched, your body responding despite the lingering anger. You knew you should be mad at him, knew you should keep your walls up, but the way he was looking at you made your knees weak. “You're still an idiot,” you murmured, your voice betraying your own desire.

Joe leaned in, his nose brushing against yours. “But you want me anyway,” he said, his voice a low growl.

Your eyes fluttered shut, your resolve crumbling. “Unfortunately,” you murmured, your voice barely a whisper.

Without warning, Joe’s lips were on yours, hard and demanding. Your anger melted away, replaced by a white-hot desire that you hadn’t felt since the last time you were together. Your body responded eagerly, pushing into him, your legs wrapping around his waist as he picked you up, your skirt riding up even higher. His hands gripped your thighs tightly, and you moaned into his mouth, feeling his erection pressing against you.

“Fuck me, right here, Joe, please,” you panted against his mouth, the urgency in your voice making Joe’s cock throb.

He didn’t need any more convincing. He moved to rip through your panties, tearing them away from your body. The sound of the fabric ripping seemed to echo in the empty room. He fiddled with his jeans as he pressed you against the wall, dropping his pants just enough to free his cock. You were already wet, and Joe took a moment to appreciate the sight before he plunged into you with a groan that was half-moan, half-curse.

Your nails dug into his shoulders as he began to thrust, each movement sending waves of pleasure through your body. The friction was heavenly, his thick length filling you up as you wrapped your legs around his waist. The room spun around them, the music from the party a distant echo as your bodies found a rhythm that was uniquely yours. Joe's teeth grazed your neck, sending shivers down your spine, and you moaned his name, the sound muffled by his hungry kisses.

You were lost in a whirlwind of passion, the anger and frustration of your recent fight forgotten. Your movements grew more frantic, your breaths mingling in the small space between them. You felt the beginnings of your orgasm building, a crescendo of pleasure that had your nails digging deeper into Joe's skin. His grunts grew louder, his strokes more forceful as he chased his own release.

Your eyes locked, and in that moment, the air was charged with something more than just lust. It was a silent understanding, a connection that transcended the tumultuous dynamics of your relationship. Your body tensed as you climaxed, your muscles clenching around Joe’s cock, pulling him over the edge with you. You came together in a symphony of gasps and moans, your bodies shaking as you rode out the intense wave of pleasure.

For a moment, you remained entwined, your hearts hammering in your chests. Then, with a sigh, Joe lowered your legs to the floor, keeping you against the wall. He kissed your glossed lips, his breathing ragged. “I meant it. I’m sorry. I shouldn't have talked to you like that. I just... I don’t know how to do this whole relationship thing without fucking it up,” he confessed, his voice filled with vulnerability.

You looked up at him, your eyes softening. “I know, Joe. But I'm not gonna be the one to fix it for you. If you want this to work, you need to be honest with me. And if you can't handle the small stuff then maybe we shouldn't be doing this at all.”

Joe nodded, his gaze intense. “I’ll do better, I promise. I don’t want to lose you.”

You studied him, the weight of his words sinking in. “Okay,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “But if you mess up again, I’m not playing games. You get one more shot, Burrow.”

Joe’s expression grew solemn. “Understood,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. Your hand found the back of his neck, and you pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Your anger had dissipated, but the sting of his previous words remained, leaving you feeling vulnerable.

You broke apart, your breaths mingling in the quiet space. Joe’s eyes searched yours, looking for any lingering doubt. “I’ll make it right. I swear to god,” he said, his voice thick with sincerity.

You nodded, your own eyes still filled with a mix of lust and wariness. “I hope so, Joey.” You stepped away from him, straightening your skirt and smoothing your hair, trying to regain some semblance of composure.

You stepped out of the room, back into the pulsing heart of the party. The lights seemed brighter, the music louder, and the energy of the room washed over them like a wave. Joe's hand rested on your ass, you shot him a look that was both a warning and a promise. When you finally rejoined your friends, Justin and Clyde started a round of applause, their expressions marked with amusement. Alani and Portia were grinning, sipping on their drinks, and Grant looked like he was trying not to laugh.

You rolled your eyes. “You're all disgusting,” you said, though the smile took the sting out of your words.

Clyde grinned. “Look who’s talking, Miss 'I just got fucked in a frat house bedroom'.”

You glared at him playfully, but you couldn’t help the heat that crept up your neck. “Shut up,” you said, though the corner of your mouth twitched with a smirk.

“Y'all were gone for almost an hour, what were you doing in there?” Alani teased, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

You shot her a withering glare. “None of your business,” you replied, though the smugness in your voice gave you away.

[punkpandapatrixk]

Full Beaver Moon in Gemini ♦︎ Moon Magick Pick A Card

(I’m ultra-sorry for this PAC being ultra-late!! I’ve been in deep, intense spiritual rehab🙏🏻Also, y’all have NO idea how much psychotic psychic ‘opposition’ I was fighting to get through with this PAC! It was plain insanity at this point. If you’ve found this PAC and you resonate, please, PLEASE, take care of your spiritual wellbeing and amp up your psychic protection for next year!)

☆♪°・.

Collectively speaking, the whole of Mankind is being prepared for a massive transformation that, hopefully, will lead to real, lasting harmony and prosperity. It is high time Mankind grew up and learnt to be responsible for the choices it makes in regards to co-Creation with the Universe. Where attention goes, aenergy goes, right?

Every man’s priority and perspective hold the power to shape—and reshape—Reality. For realz. For we are all part of that same fabric of Reality, we are constantly, with each other, co-Creating various spectrum of experiences that affect each other’s wellbeing. It’s inevitable. Your attention is what gives power to the Matrix. If you want to beat the System, you need to learn its mechanism and ultimately, stop giving your attention to Reality creation that doesn’t serve the highest good of all of Mankind.

Full Beaver Moon was on November 27. Its effects can still be felt by most peeps until at least April Fool’s next year (funny). This full moon is second to last before this year’s final Full Cold Moon on December 26, which will be in Cancer; and so the meaning of this Beaver Moon is for us to gather as much resource as possible before the cold winter.

For this Beaver Moon is in Gemini—the sign of thinking and learning—this implies gathering info, perspective, knowledge, intel as much as possible for us to study and digest all throughout winter. Sounds funny but trust me this will be SO relevant by spring next year. The aenergy I’m tapping into is super intense as the whole of Mankind is being ushered into a phase of rapid growing pains that will affect societies on a global scale.

Death of an old paradigm. Death of the 3D Self. It’s all happening. If you identify as a Lightworker or a Starseed, the message you find here could potentially be more relevant to you than most other peeps you know in your circle. You’re in gestation mode. Get ready because spring might be…weird?

It’s high time Mankind learnt to be responsible for its real power of co-Creation. Those who are more spiritually attuned have always had a craving for a freer, more authentic existence. Use this time to rest your heart, your mind, your soul, and let your Higher Self show you the way towards new avenues and grounds for things and pursuits you’ve always felt a calling to.

Even your weirdest hobbies and interests are no coincidence, hon. 2024 will probably not allow anyone to have a stagnant time—for better or worse… But you? You’re going to have a blast! I just know it🥂

[Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – Spread Your Wings and Fly Away

resource – 3 of Pentacles

I hope you acknowledge just how resourceful you are as a person. On top of that, you’re naturally courageous. If you feel like you’re not that brave, it must’ve been your environment and the people you’ve met that have dimmed that fire in you. It is now time to reclaim your authentic voice. And you need to begin with acknowledging just how much your environment is stifling your creativity and/or originality. It is only by understanding the patterns that have shaped the way you view yourself can you then unravel that false perception that, you could say, was imposed on you.

Don’t kill your inner child to please the adults around you—no matter who these adults may be (they could be your peers if you’re already an adult yourself). When you were born into this world you carried seeds of courage, creativity and invention. All of these are such precious gifts for Mankind. You were supposed to develop yourself as one of the new builders of New Earth. You may have forgotten the minute details of your blueprint, but I know that you know it in your heart of hearts that this is the truth of your reason for being born :D

recollection – XVII The Star

You’re literally the only Pile that’s gotten a Major Arcana. Surely you know you’re a Starseed? :D If you don’t, you soon will. Perhaps your parents know something about the ‘waves of volunteers’ that was quite a topic back in the 60s or 70s? (I’m not duper sure about the timeline lol) At any rate, you have a great destiny ahead of you and it is imperative that you acknowledge this of yourself first before you’re launched into initiation*. What’s that about, you ask?

Many of your latent talents that may still be offline right now will gradually be uncovered for you. Throughout 2024, I’m sure you will experience many awakenings of sort that will propel you into remembering bits and pieces of talents you had acquired in other lifetimes. All of these gifts, are your gifts to Humanity. There is a divine reason why you’ve had to work so hard for your own personal transformation before you could assist others in helping themselves transform their paradigm. OK?

respite – 10 of Cups Rx

It is rather common for Starseeds to feel like the family they were born into, isn’t the family they belong to. Many Starseeds even find themselves look quite visibly physically different from the rest of their family. There’s just something there that seems to act as a bridge between your entire existence and theirs. You don’t think the same way; your moralities totally clash; the essences of your values are worlds apart; and so on. You’re right, these people aren’t the people you’re meant to call ‘family’. Their only purpose is to show you how ‘crazy’ develops in people, all for you to learn to navigate it and put an end to generational curses on Planet Earth. And thus it begins at ‘home’.

I have a feeling that for many of you reading this, there is an elder in your family—a much older elder—whom you could actually talk to, who would be able to share information about circumstances surrounding your birth or the bloodline you are born into. In another scenario, this person may not be older but simply possesses immense knowledge pertaining to your raison d’etre or even Life Purpose. In yet another scenario, it may not necessarily be a family member but rather, a teacher, a divine someone you meet serendipitously, or some random-ass wise Boomer you watch on YouTube who holds ideas and perspectives that make you feel seen and validated.

The period from this Full Beaver Moon until at least April next year may involve a lot of healthy grieving. Let yourself feel those emotions and feel Human. You deserve a safe space to be yourself and see all your dreams manifest. You’ve got this, OK? One day you will be serving the Light by sharing your stories😊

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

*I’ve included further technical interpretations of what this ‘initiation’ means for Lightworkers and Starseeds in the bonus content🐛

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Where Have You Come From and Where Are You Going, Dear Traveller?

resource – 7 of Cups Rx

In your childhood, I feel like you were forced to grow up faster than your peers. Your environment was not exactly friendly to the dreams and imaginations of a child. So you grew up to become practical, pragmatic and responsible rather quickly. But it was really hard to grow up like that because you, the real you, are a visionary. A visionary is someone who has many dreams and wild ideas, and in the right environment, a quality like that would’ve been much, much more celebrated! In the wrong environment, a dreaminess such as that is stifled.

This FM in Gemini invites you to revisit this dreaminess of yours because in your imaginations and daydreams lies the map of your Soul. Where have you come from and where are you going, dear visionary? Understanding your place in the world helps you gain insight about your Life Purpose, so to speak. What gifts have you brought into this world to share with Humanity? What challenges have you come face to face that have shaped your unique skills and perceptions?

recollection – 6 of Cups

Your home environment, your family and society have shaped the person that you are. It is important to understand your ‘roots’, kinda, so you know your strengths and weaknesses when standing in the midst of society. The rich kid from the upper echelons of society will possess skills and knowledge the poor kid from the hood wasn’t fed with. But likewise, the poor kid from the hood will possess perspectives and street smarts that are very unique in comparison to the shielded experiences of most privileged kids. Something like that.

One is not necessarily superior to the other. It’s mostly about understanding where you’ve come from and where these experiences, skills and perspectives could get you. Know your own uniqueness and use that to serve Humanity as you use that to take care of yourself and those you care about. A true sense of success can only come from being useful to other people, for the most part…unless you’re a psychopath XD

respite – King of Pentacles

You have so many natural talents that could make you money, that much I’d like to reaffirm. But more importantly than money, it’s that you have such a strong penchant for true leadership. If you work with your Throat chakra, you could become a very appealing public speaker. You could convince people to join your causes. But to become a true leader of the new world, you must possess good morality, so don’t forget to take care of your Solar Plexus and Heart chakras, so you don’t fall into the trapping of manipulation through speech.

Honestly, I think you are such a good person in spite of all the mental/psychological hardships you’ve had to grow up with. Calm your nerves down and enjoy slow moments with, idk, camomile tea or lavender bath, every now and then? Relaxation practices like breathing meditation, or even just fixing your sleeping pattern/schedule, could help you get in touch with your inner child again and I feel that this is something that will be important for you throughout this winter☃️Everything about your Life will become a lot clearer by spring, trust that😉

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – Let the Past Die and Live on For Your Soul Tribes

resource – 3 of Cups

Honey, it’s time for you to rejoice. You’ve been through so much disappointment, so much heartbreak, and people have betrayed and abandoned you, and you’ve come through nevertheless. Surely that deserves some kind of karmic reward? Your Spirit Guides, your Soul Family, are applauding you for all you’ve been through. I think you’ve worked hard on yourself. Releasing yourself from past pains, distancing yourself—to the best of your ability—from toxic people and environments, and you’re about ready to serve your Dharmic Purpose.

I know many of you reading this will resonate with having worked on transmuting a lot of generational karma, but plenty of you tapping into this reading have even worked on transmuting geological karma and curses. The geographical location you were born into or the race you were born into, collectively speaking these kinds of things also carry generational curses based on terrible things that have happened on that location. I’d like you to know that you’ve done so much just by existing! You are the magic, the miracle that you’ve been hoping to see in the world🐣

recollection – Page of Pentacles

You’re an individual of many talents, but I’m sure there’s like 2 or 3 things you’re INSANELY good at. Do you know what they are? If you focus all of your aenergy on just these few main talents, you will literally shift your whole Reality to a much higher bandwidth! Try it. By focusing on just these few main pursuits, I sense you will be attracting your Soul Tribes at a much faster rate. I’m seeing these pulsating energetic vortexes that represent you and your Soul Tribes currently incarnate on Earth. These vortexes are spinning and expanding so rapidly that you and your Soul Tribes are magnetising each other into your morphogenetic fields—essentially, your Realities.

You and your Soul Tribes literally have unique missions on Earth and when you meet and collab, everything is going to make sense for you. These seemingly different groups of people are doing things (or exist in industries) that are similar to your own interests and visions for the world. I sense you may have felt a calling to be part of a certain industry and you’ve been studying and preparing yourself for that. ATTENTION! THIS. IS. NOT. RANDOM. You are being manifested by that industry if anything LMAO You have a place there so keep going!🌾

respite – 2 of Cups Rx

With all of that said, let this reading be your confirmation that you can make the choice to die to everyone and everything that doesn’t align with this vision in your mind that you know comes from your Soul. Be a ghost. Hustle in quiet. Don’t spill the beans until they are ready for planting. And when you plant, plant with your Soul Family and not those who are only pretending to be there for you so they can take advantage of you later!

Connections with your real Soul Tribes are going to feel effortlessly uplifting on top of being respectful of boundaries. Interactions and exchanges with your real Soul Tribes are never going to make you feel icky. Trust your gut instinct when you feel that someone you’ve come to trust is probably manipulating you with kind or sweet words imbued with some dishonourable intent. You’re probably right but let’s not take chances; you’ve had enough, so keep your brains about you, too. Best to use this time to build—or rebuild—your world of everything that makes Life worth living🎂

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

[Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

[ramlightly]

Curious Souls asked: In my mind & heart angel Fig is exactly the same, like, maybe he looks a lil different but otherwise he's doing the same things & acting in the same ways - & like, good for him! I'd give him some baseball cards

Fig will always be a guy who goes "eh, not into this" and just goes off to do his own thing. Just imagine being a kid and an angel beams down on strands of heavenly light just to ask if you wanted to trade baseball cards because he's trying to complete his collection. 

(https://retrospring.net/@ramlightly/a/111816981972292763)

[theladydame]

Tea For D&D: Horizon's Call Edition!

Horizon's Call is a nautical 5E campaign on Sword & Key. Set in a world that flooded an eon ago, this campaign is full of high seas adventure and sexy pirates! Character art by Mikyl Sandoval. Saturdays 3pm PST. As usual, all tea is from @friday-tea!

First up, everyone's favorite Murder Mermaid, Scarlett Shours! Played by @kayemcea, Siren Storm Sorceror, a former warlock. After a run of terrible patrons, Scarlett has found new love, new purpose, and new power in herself. Tart and spiced were requested.

Introducing: Leo! "Fearless and fiercely individual, worthy of admiration"

Acacia, the centaur rogue/druid. Fiercely loyal and tolerates no bullshit. Carrying the weight of her community on her back, she's looking for something fruity and floral.

Introducing: Happy Place! "Are you longing to return to your favorite tropical place?"

Wynni, the Sea elf artificer/bard. The shining heart of the team. Don't let her optimism fool you, her potions are potent. Notes were light and refreshing, perky.

Introducing: Pisces! "Brilliant strawberry lemonade magicians with sparkly minds and souls"

Proximus, triton paladin/sorceror. If you took the Shape of Water and added a HEALTHY dose of Himbo you would get Proximus. He's still learning what life above the waves is like, but there might be one or two folks who are VERY willing to help. Sweet, salty, seaweed.

Introducing: Cliff by the Sea! "Juicy aquatic daydream"

One of the many amazing NPCs the GM brings to the table this last tea is for Marcus Ash, Fire genasi Swashbuckler. Scarlett's beau and second in command. Very spicy, obvi 😉 He's also the other himbo on the team.

Introducing: Hearthfire! If you're in need of warmth, (or) a toasty friend"

(I'm going to add here that I'm an affiliate for Friday Afternoon Tea, and you can get 10% off any order using the code THELADYDAME, but honestly I'm just someone who really loves tea and super loves supporting this company because Friday and the team are so lovely)

[rustbeltjessie]

Mixtape Monday! Can I ask you to make a battle jacket mix please?

I spent a really long time on this. It was exceedingly difficult to find songs strictly about battle jackets (I only found one!), so I included songs that mention adjacent topics. The Daycare Swindlers are on here because Mark Reiter of DC Swindlers once said: “It’s not about wearing your heart on your sleeve, it’s about making a whole fucking jacket out of it,” which pretty much sums up my entire ethos and is also where I got the title of this mix.

While looking for songs to include, I also remembered this Imogen Binnie quote:

“Her jacket is a work of art. There’s a Kids in the Hall skit where Satan gives a stoner the ability to grow weed out of his head in exchange for his perfect denim jacket: that’s the kind of denim jacket Maria has. Satan would kill for her jacket. Here are its patches: The Bouncing Souls, White Zombie, the word fuck, a little girl holding giant scissors (on plaid), Hello My Name Is DYKE, and, the coup de grace, the whole back is the cover of the first Poison album. It’s not even ironic. Poison rules.” – Imogen Binnie, Nevada

Which in turn led me to this essay (which is about metal battle jackets, whereas I’m more well-versed in punk battle jackets, but it’s still a really good essay).

I also came across this page, where you can peruse photos of some truly excellent battle jackets.

it’s about making a whole fucking jacket out of it

Daycare Swindlers - Big Show (Stomp your steel tip boots some more / Not enough movement on the dance floor)

The Queers - Punk Rock Girls (Leather jackets, stupid boyfriends / Poor report cards, life is just a ball / Hi- top Chucks and bubblegum / And oh my gosh, I'd love to love 'em all / They're so cool their style is never cramped / Too much of everything, and everyone is amped / Well, don't get hot and bothered / Listen, I know I got problems / I also know just what this goofy world needs / Yummy yummy punk rock girls)

Mary Monday & The Bitches - I Gave My Punk Jacket to Rickie

Who Killed Spikey Jacket? - Punks Dress Punk (Don't let them tell you how to dress / Let ME tell you how to dress / Wear studs.)

Mischief Brew - Punx Win! (So, I collect these crumpled, / Beer-stained flyers, / Seven-inches, photographs, / All your old letters that remind me / To look down and back. / Its then I realize our romance / Has its roots in one sub-humans patch.)

[freddyguykestner]

Chapter 61: REMOTE

I’m standing in my stylish, glass-walled, tastefully decorated apartment on the penthouse floor of the American Gardens building, looking out across the Manhattan skyline at the towering monuments of wealth and success. My physical position among these great concrete monoliths speaks of my own strength and achievements, as if I am one of them, made of breeze blocks and cement. I take a sip of J&B from my crystal tumbler and shake off the thought. The fantasy merely reminds me of my raw and aching yearning to belong. Although I couldn’t put a finger on what I was searching for all this time, I’d always felt the answers were somehow within my reach. I notice a red speck on the cuff of my Valentino Couture cotton shirt. Surrounded by the trappings of my success - my twin leather Mies van de Roche Barcelona chairs; my wall-mounted Roberto Lungo diptych; my 32” Sony Trinitron CRT TV, flanked on both sides by piles of unreturned Blockbuster videotapes; my Pioneer PD-4300 CD player; my Harmon Kardon stereo music system, complete with HK 725 preamp and HK EQ7 equalizer; my endless CD collection - I am consumed by an emptiness that no amount of material indulgence, no amount of dissecting girls can fill. The city below pulses with life, but within these walls, I am imprisoned in the kingdom of the dead. A cage of solitude, carefully and dutifully constructed by no one but myself.

The truth seems to emanate from my being, dwarfing even the tunes beamed from my HK 770 amp: Behind this meticulously crafted mask lies a craving, a desperation to break free from the suffocating grip of superficiality and meaningless, psychotic violence. My heart aches for human connection: I long for someone to see beyond the carefully crafted image I present to the world; through the layers of epidermis; of sinew and muscle painstakingly toned and hardened by rigorous daily workouts and dieting regimes; past the monster hidden beneath; deeper still, to glimpse the fractured soul trembling at the bottom of the well, crying out for the love it didn’t know it needed.

As the sounds of the mixtape bounce between my floor-to-ceiling windows and sparsely decorated, clinically white statement walls, the weight of isolation presses down upon me like a leaden cloak. In this soulless city of excess and extravagance, I am but a solitary figure adrift in a sea of indifference. The emptiness gnaws at my insides like a starved and entrapped rodent.

There is more than an idea of Patrick Bateman. I grab the remote and turn the volume of the hi fi system up full blast, as if to broadcast to the world, to anyone who will listen: “I am here”. The sound waves of my loneliness reverberate through the floors of the building, like heat passed from one being to another, a lament for the human connection that continues to elude me and perhaps always will.

[adapembroke]

Neptune in Aries and the 9th House: A Guide for Leo Risings

Since 2011, we have been living in a world of dreams.

Neptune in Pisces has filled our minds with visions of utopias. With Uranus, planet of innovators and revolutionaries, in earthy Taurus, most of our dreams were simple. Real, healthy food. A safe and stable home. Enough time to make art or music or quietly work on a favorite hobby. A lifestyle that is closer to nature, less busy, more agrarian, that includes animals.  

We have repeatedly encountered situations that have nudged us to get clear about what we value and what we really want. The pandemic forced many employers to experiment with remote work, allowing parents to spend more time with their children, liberating unhappy city workers from urban centers of power, and forcing everyone to get back to the basics, as we struggled to find staples like eggs and bread.

With Neptune in Pisces, collectively, we’ve been getting more spiritual—as we’ve seen from the meteoric rise of astrology—and we have become impatient with the limitations of the known world.

That’s just the way the world is isn’t good enough anymore.

What is Pisces like for people with Leo ascendants?

As Leo risings, we have been having a somewhat different experience of Neptune in Pisces than everyone else. For us, the dreaming of Pisces has been happening in our 8th House of Death.

Some of us have had literal brushes with death. Our connection to the other side has revealed psychic or mediumship powers we didn’t know existed. Our ability to believe in a purely materialist world has been shaken, and we have wrestled with the question of what it means for there to be something in the human soul that survives death.

But our journey with death has been metaphorical, too. We have been given a clearer vision of what in our lives (and in society) has outlived its purpose.

In the final days of Neptune in Pisces, it is time to identify the undead we are here to banish when Neptune goes into Aries. What zombies and vampires need to be slain? What ghosts need to be gently guided toward the light?

The signs of Neptune and Pluto in your natal chart can help you figure out where your battles are.

Leo: Flattery - We are expected to bow to tyrants. This should not be.

Virgo: Martyrdom - We are expected to make real sacrifices for the comfort or convenience of others. This should not be.

Libra: Selfishness - We are expected to sacrifice our relationships with the people we love most for our individual ambitions. This should not be.

Scorpio: Generational trauma - We are expected to neglect our psychological healing and pass our wounds on to the next generation. This should not be. 

Sagittarius: Fundamentalism - We are expected to pick an ideological side and make enemies of people who don’t perfectly conform to our beliefs. This should not be.

Capricorn: Corruption - We are expected to turn a blind eye to systemic oppression and the tyranny of the dead over the living. This should not be.

Aquarius: Dissociation - We are expected to lose ourselves in an algorithmically-generated nightmare, heads-down, lost in a screen, disconnected from our bodies and hearts and the people around us. This should not be.

It’s time to learn to wield your anger.

If I’ve done my job, you are feeling amped up reading the list of things we have to fight when Neptune goes into Aries. Maybe, you’re feeling a little angry. I’m sorry if that’s uncomfortable for you, but I would like you to embrace your anger and learn how to wield it.

While Neptune is in Aries, he is wearing the mask of the spiritual warrior, and we are being called to step into that role with Neptune and fight.

Fighting requires emotional energy. Anger, properly applied, is that energy. When Neptune is in Aries, learning to channel your anger with intention will be your most valuable spiritual practice.

This is an extremely sharp shift from the last fifteen years. When Neptune is in Pisces, our spiritual teachers teach peace, universal love, and understanding. When Neptune is in Aries, our spiritual teachers carry swords and teach us how to use them with the precision of surgeons.

This article is an excerpt from Leo Risings Guide to World Domination.

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[simonesecci]

A tribute to Steve Albini

"Like the music he adored and devoted his life to – punk and experimental action, suspect and resistant to any semblance of exploitation – Steve Albini was a person of passion and contradiction. He seemed to have a bemused realization of his own staunch judgement towards factionalism, us versus them, the capitalist colonization agenda of the recording industry coexisting with the socialist minded independent music world. He could articulate, from a surprisingly young age, with intelligent and intellectual passion, reasons not to set foot in the manipulative cogs of “major” label indignity. While wholly serious in his analysis he also seemed to be able to write it all off at the end of the day as being alive in an absurd universe. Alongside his set-in-stone scowl was always a genuinely soulful smile. I remember meeting Steve when Big Black first came to NYC in the early 80s. Byron Coley and Jimmy Johnson from Forced Exposure had driven down for the gig and we all gathered in whatever the Danceteria dressing room hovel was. Byron and Jimmy had recently. sat down with Sonic Youth to interview us for their zine around that time and I had just gotten to know those two, connecting to their wide open, record collecting mania, their exuberance of attitude in critiquing the nascent explosions of post-punk and post-no wave and post -hard core, introducing avant-garde jazz and other musics to so many green and hungry minds, mine included. I recognized immediately their fascination with this voice from Chicago – Steve Albini – who immediately proved himself to be as vociferous and cutting and acerbic and hilarious as they were. Big Black made sonic manifest the tenor of this crossfire. That zine-conscious gathering sparked off a life-long camaraderie between us goons, along with so many other self-made wildly-opinionated minds – Gerard Cosloy, Lydia Lunch et al – regardless of whatever personal ups-and-downs would occur throughout the subsequent decades. Steve began writing for FE with Big Black and SY sharing stages and kipping on apartment floors together while crisscrossing the planet.

(hats off to Carlos van Hifjte in Eindhoven.) He would become utterly disenchanted at SY for signing on with Geffen in 1990 considering it an abandonment of principle. Of course, we’d argue this; the transparent accounting and health care offered by a corporate label versus the artistic freedom of an independent label where day-to-day operations could, many times, be a mystery. His analogies of a recording engineer not being any more important than a plumber came across as certainly endearing. But Steve was not a plumber. Button pushing moves by naming his band the worse name imaginable or album and song titles intended to trash whatever nihilist energy they claimed to own were obviously the audacious actions of a provocateur. Publicly chastising his contemporaries alongside the dinosaurs of high-profile culture was an invitation to discourse (if not outright humiliation). He was always ready to throw down. His music, his guitar style, his amp settings, they were all primal attacks, and they were all with a huge heart of love behind the machine, well-oiled and assured. Steve seriously listened, studied, watched. No matter what level of intimacy one would have with him through the years (we hardly connected much after the mid 90s or so – only crossing paths on various festival shows, saying hey, knowing each other well enough like cousins through the years) there’d always be some propensity for an enlightened exchange whether it be in regards to the values of variable genres of music and nature, or the distinct vagaries between the myriad options of Chicago taquerias, Steve had answers and he had pronouncements. He was always right, even when he was wrong.

He was an artist, a musician, a recording engineer, a high functioning decoder allowing for a plethora of poker winnings and pool table mastery. He loved the clean, solid, stylish simplicity of a classic Zippo lighter. Steve, like the many other inspired people he admired, was drawn to, and would find himself working with – be it Whitehouse or Nirvana – was an authentic visionary, a person alive with the delight of creative impulse. And no matter how many times he'd sign off his written and oral missives with a middle finger raised high in the air he seemed to absolutely love the world and its people. While his recent self-analysis on social media would express regret for youthful insolence it never proffered apology; his writing, as such, was always humanist, knowing that our lives are in a constant state of flux and learning. If any ideology could be seen as essential to Steve I always saw it to be communitarianism. Fighting the good fight. At least that’s the sense I got from knowing him back in the old days."

Thurston Moore on Steve Albini

[stylishclutchbag]

Statement Pieces: Stand Out with Embroidered Clutches from Online Stores

When it comes to accessorizing, every fashion-forward individual knows that the right statement piece can make all the difference. If you're on the lookout for a unique and captivating accessory to complement your outfit, look no further than Embroidered clutches online. These exquisite pieces offer a perfect blend of elegance, craftsmanship, and individuality, making them a must-have addition to your collection. In this blog post, we'll explore how embroidered clutches from online stores can help you stand out and create a lasting impression on any occasion.

The Allure of Embroidered Clutches Online

Embroidered clutches have been an integral part of fashion history, stemming from the rich cultural heritage of various regions worldwide. Today, these mesmerizing pieces have found a new home in online stores, where they continue to captivate fashion enthusiasts with their artistry and charm. Shopping for Embroidered clutches online offers you the convenience of browsing through an extensive collection from the comfort of your home, exploring a diverse range of designs, colors, and patterns.

Unravelling the Craftsmanship

What sets Embroidered clutches online apart from other accessories is the meticulous craftsmanship that goes into creating each piece. Skilled artisans pour their heart and soul into every stitch, infusing these clutches with character and a unique story. The delicate embroidery work showcases cultural motifs, floral patterns, or intricate geometric designs, reflecting the creativity and expertise of the craftsmen behind them. Owning one of these clutches is like carrying a piece of art that celebrates the fusion of tradition and contemporary fashion.

 Making a Statement with Embroidered Clutches Online

Amping up your style game is effortless when you have an embroidered clutch in hand. These accessories effortlessly transition from day to night, adding a touch of sophistication to your casual jeans-and-shirt ensemble or complementing an elegant evening gown. When you walk into a room with an embroidered clutch, all eyes will be on you, drawn to the exquisite detailing and striking colors of your chosen piece. Be prepared to receive compliments and inquiries about your enviable fashion sense!

 Versatility Redefined

One of the significant advantages of Embroidered clutches online is their versatility. These statement pieces come in various sizes and styles, allowing you to choose the one that best suits your needs and preferences. Whether you prefer a compact clutch for essentials or a slightly larger one to carry your makeup and smartphone, online stores have got you covered. Additionally, the variety of designs ensures that you can find the perfect clutch for casual outings, formal events, or even destination weddings.

 Embrace Individuality

In a world of mass-produced fashion, standing out and embracing your individuality becomes essential. Embroidered clutches online offer a refreshing departure from generic accessories, as each piece boasts its own distinct character. When you own an embroidered clutch, you can be confident that no one else will have the exact same design. Your choice reflects your appreciation for art, culture, and the extraordinary, setting you apart as a style icon with a penchant for the exquisite.

 Embroidered Clutches as Cherished Gifts

The allure of Embroidered clutches online extends beyond personal use; these stunning pieces make exceptional gifts for your loved ones. Whether it's a birthday, anniversary, or any other special occasion, presenting someone with an intricately embroidered clutch showcases your thoughtfulness and consideration for their unique taste. The heartfelt sentiment behind such a gift will leave a lasting impression on the recipient, making it a cherished token of your affection.

Embrace the charm of Embroidered clutches online and let your style shine with these exceptional statement pieces. Their artistry, versatility, and ability to reflect your individuality make them a true treasure in the world of fashion. Elevate your accessory game with an embroidered clutch, and you'll undoubtedly turn heads wherever you go. Discover the perfect piece that resonates with your soul, and get ready to step out in style like never before.

Must Read : Glistening Splendor: Elevate Your Look with Mother of Pearl Cutches

[steveezekiel]

THE PATH TO SUCCESS 2

"Observe people who are good at their work—skilled workers are always in demand and admired; they don’t take a backseat to anyone."

Proverbs 22:29 (MSG)

"Do you see someone skilled in their work? They will serve before kings; they will not serve before officials of low rank."

Proverbs 22:29 (NIV)

V. Commitments and doggedness (Proverbs 10:4; 21:5)

- One of the ways God blesses someone is through the increase of what the person is doing.

IF God wants to bless you, He will increase your responsibilities—your works. IF you are not ready to work hard and smart, you are not ready for success.

- You must not be lazy: "DO NOT LOVE SLEEP, LEST YOU COME TO POVERTY; Open your eyes, and you will be satisfied with bread" (Proverbs 20:13).

- Avoid procrastination, what you need to do today do not postpone it till Tomorrow.

- Procrastination is an enemy of success. Procrastination is the mother of laziness, and laziness gives birth to failures, and failures to poverty: "THOSE TOO LAZY TO PLOW IN THE RIGHT SEASON WILL HAVE NO FOOD AT THE HARVEST" (Proverbs 20:4 NLT).

WHAT you need to do by yourself, do not delegate, and if there is a need to delegate, you have to supervise.

VI. Integrity

- Someone said charisma can lift you up, it is the character that that will keep you up.

YOU must be a man or woman of integrity, in order to experience Success in God's Way.

- Integrity is defined as the quality of being honest and upright in character!

- Stop deceiving the people you are dealing with in business or Ministry: "Therefore, REJECTING ALL FALSEHOOD [whether lying, defrauding, telling half-truths, spreading rumors, any such as these], SPEAK TRUTH EACH ONE WITH HIS NEIGHBOUR, for we are all parts of one another [and we are all parts of the body of Christ]" (Ephesians 4:25 AMP).

READ: Colossians 3:9

STOP lying to the people!

- If you are an artisan, someone rendering services, stop telling those who are patronizing you lies (Zechariah 8:16).

DO not give them an appointment you will not keep. DO not be shoddy in the works you do for the people. Do not give them substandard things.

- Render services based on the money you have charged—the money you have collected from them for the work.

- Look beyond the gain, the money you want to make, when you are rendering services.

YOU should be concerned about the satisfaction of the people, not about the money you want to collect from them.

- Add to your services love and friendliness. Have concern for other areas of their lives, and not only the money you want to collect from them. Be interested in their well-being or welfare.

- Be interested in their souls as well, give Jesus to them.

- The secret of success is being honest and truthful. Be a man or woman of integrity!

- If you are serving under somebody, do not swindle the person. Work and pray for the progress of your Boss or establishment.

- Do not embezzle someone else's money to start your own Business. That is pilfering, or thieving.

GOD does not want it, and He would not bless a Business you start with such A money. Such would not prosper because the blessing of God is not on it.

9 "EXHORT BONDSERVANTS TO BE OBEDIENT TO THEIR OWN MASTERS, to be well pleasing in all things, not answering back,10 NOT PILFERING [thieving], BUT SHOWING ALL GOOD FIDELITY [honesty], that they may adorn the doctrine of God our Saviour in all things" (Titus 2:9,10 NKJV).

VII. Have a right heart

- Your heart should be right for you to succeed in God's Way. WISH other people WELL.

DO not be part of the downfall of another person.

DO not conspire with other people to bring someone else down, if you do, you have just sown, and you will REAP whatever you have sown: "Don’t be misled—YOU CANNOT MOCK THE JUSTICE OF GOD. YOU WILL ALWAYS HARVEST WHAT YOU PLANT" ( Galatians 6:7 NLT).

READ: Proverbs 1:10,11; Psalm 1:1-6

- Be part of the making of others. If you have the opportunity and be in a position to help others in the fulfilment of their visions, do help them.

IN the process of doing that, your own vision would also be fulfilled.

- Joseph interpreted the dreams of others in the prison, that led to the interpretation of his own dream that he had HAD for several years.

HE interpreted the dreams of the Butler and Baker and that led to the fulfilment of his own dream (Genesis chapters 40 and 41).

VIII. Prayer and fasting

- Champions in the Faith use the weapons of fasting and prayer.

YOU have to know how to deal with the opposition in the place of prayer.

- The devil is an accuser of the Believers (Revelation 12:9,10). HE is our archenemy. He hates Believers with the perfect hatred.

- You have to pray and destroy his works and Plans about your assignment: "12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against Powers, against the rulers of darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armour of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all to stand" (Ephesians 6:12,13).

- When you engage in fasting, your spirit gains ascendancy, the mind is tamed, and the flesh is subdued.

YOU are more sensitive to the things of the Spirit, to receive directions and alerts from the Holy Spirit.

YOUR words are weighty in the realm of the spirit.

- Angels Carry out your words, and demons are moved, they at your command in Jesus' name (1 Samuel 3:19).

THERE is power in Prayer, and much more when added with fasting!

- At the time of fasting and praying, table your matters before God: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, LET YOUR REQUESTS BE MADE KNOWN TO GOD" (Philippians 4:6).

- Before you embark on any project, take it up in prayer.

IF you cannot prevail in prayer, you cannot prevail in the physical.

LET fasting and prayer be part of your life!

• You will not fail in Jesus' name.

Peace!

TO BE CONTINUED

[cricketcampbell]

He'd spoken less of her mother than she had his, and yet even the implication of her existence is still enough to suck all of the air out of the room.

Cricket thought she heard herself scoff as if from outside of herself, but it's a wet sound; it's as if her soul were simply hovering above where her body lied sprawled across his couch, playing at more comfortable than she felt, like her skin suddenly didn't feel too tight across her bones, like her stomach wasn't churning, her eyes were not burning with the threat of tears. It was hard to believe that just hours before, she'd felt as if she was having the best night of her life, and hadn't wanted it to end.

She thinks she'd quite like it to be over, now.

Ultimately, when she does sit up, she tells herself it's because she wanted to, and not because Mack had basically told her to. It's something she can be embarrassed about in private later, when this conversation is surely to haunt her for years to come as a chart topper in her That's What I Call Embarrassing greatest hits.

He was right, though. As volatile and amped up as she'd come to him tonight, opening the can of worms that was Libby Campbell was not something Cricket was prepared for, and certainly not from him, even if she'd been the one to first make it fair game.

She doesn't realize she's crying until the tear hits her chin. It and the ones that follow are quickly wiped away with her palm, turning her gaze away from Mack with a sniff in an attempt to collect herself. It's not an apology, but her silence is a white flag waving, at least on that subject, at least for tonight.

She remembered the night he was talking about, of course.

Not what they'd been fighting about that time, or why it'd gotten so out of hand, so fast--just that it'd escalated, as they'd tended to more and more towards their end. Though, quiet was not a word she'd have ever used to describe their relationship, even when the good had outweighed the bad.

Because it used to feel like the good kind of loud. Stupid arguments that ended with laughter and kisses to get the other to concede to their point, rather than with tears and pounding heads and broken hearts. Cricket could make conversation with a brick wall, but she'd never felt more listened to than when she'd been with him. Nobody had ever made her laugh as hard.

She was fully aware that she talked too much, and that some would consider her weird just by name alone, but for the first time in her life, she'd had someone who'd-- not made her feel normal--but seemed to like her, genuinely like her, for the reasons she wasn't.

She just hadn't known what to do with that. She still didn't. All Cricket knew was that when he'd finally just said it--maybe we should just fucking end it--she'd been gutted...but part of her, the tiniest part, had felt relieved.

Finally. The other shoe had dropped. Finally, she didn't have to hold her breath waiting anymore for the day he decided she wasn't worth it. Finally, she'd pushed him too far to come back from. She finally did it...but at what cost? For what? To prove that she could? For fun? For a laugh?

Nobody was laughing. Nothing about it, or any of what'd come after, was fun.

She can taste the salt from her tears on her lips as she parts them to speak, fingers reaching out into the space between them for the blunt in his own. Pushing her luck, maybe, but as if to soften the blow, she mumbles after her stretch of silence, "being around you doesn't suck."

Obviously, she wanted to add, but after his confession, it was clear that what was obvious to Cricket was not the same as what was obvious to Mack.

"Fiona knows." She says, eventually. The toe of her boot twisted anxiously back and forth against the carpet. "About this. About...us." Or what they'd become in the aftermath of being them.

It's a warning she's not completely sure he deserves, and not all the honesty that he definitely did, but it was all she could offer.

Mack isn't sure what it was he did to warrant her tirade at him, no matter how many explanations she throws his way in quick succession. A text may have been accused of being the straw that broke the camel's back, he's failing to see what had made his mindless message a nuke when it was far from the first time he had fired one off to her of that nature.

His head is still swimming from the rave, a combination of substances made him feel like he was battling against high tides and losing. He's trying to follow along as she expresses herself in the way Cricket always did, with more words than he thought necessary but there was a time when he had liked her tangents.

That night isn't one of them.

His hand fiddled with his lighter after he retrieved it from his shorts, wanting to light up the extinguished half of his blunt that was sitting in his ashtray, but there was one specific word she threw out that caught him off guard in the way it caught him in the chest.

His mother's name.

Though he was far from the most forthcoming of people when it came to the oftentimes tense relationship he shared with the woman who had given him life, he had told Cricket snippets when they had dated and now it felt like she was using that insider information against him.

"Don't fucking do that. Don't lie on my fucking couch, in my apartment and speak on my mother or how she raised me because trust me, you don't want me to go in on yours."

The difference between them was he wouldn't have in the first place, not without prompt.

Mack knew he was punching down on a nerve because she had hit the exact one that was mirrored in him, and he was too jarred by the invocation to feel any sort of bad about it.

Somewhere in the mist of hurt feelings and battered hearts, he knows he needs to choose his words with whatever capacity for careful he had in his present state.

There's a gnashing part of him that wants to drop the fact he had been fucking Lori like a grenade with the pin removed in her lap and see if she was reclined as blasé afterwards as she was presently but even with a body and a mind currently fuelled by hard spirits and hard drugs he knows that would be just be cruel.

"I broke up with you because of this." Mack says, his hands gesturing in the air to nothing specific before he explains.

"Sometimes you talk so fucking much that I feel insane for thinking you said nothing but I deep it and you've said nothing. It's just air. You never say anything that matters when it matters, least not to me. I didn't want to be done, I just wanted you to make me feel like you actually fucking wanted to be with me and not that I was just someone who happened to be there. And you had nothing to say. I don't know the ending to half the movies we watched because you didn't take a breath telling me thoughts but I say let's break up and it's whatever. It's silent."

As lame as it felt to him to acknowledge it, he had just wanted to feel like a choice rather than a circumstance.

The pair of them were neck and neck going for gold for the world's worst communicators, and Mack knew now that his gambit had been as detrimental as her reaction to it.

"I didn't call you awful. I didn't call you crazy. I didn't call you desperate. If you want to call yourself that, go ahead, but don't use me to do it when all I did was send a text."

He finally moves then and retrieves the half-blunt from the ashtray, holding it between his lips to spark it, his eyes on Cricket when he inhales.

"If being around me sucks that much then just fucking tell me and i'll leave you alone."

[artemstellation]

tot men + catching their significant other staring at them with lovestruck expressions.

artem wing...

.... is taken aback ― he's certainly kind of used to a relationship, but at moments like these, he thinks that he's just pursuing a new relationship, because he doesn't know how to deal with it.

is further taken aback when you lean forward and kiss him hard, but soon finds himself reciprocating with the same, if not more, fervor. he wants you to know how much he's grateful for your presence in his life, and how much he loves you and the way it pours out of his very being for you ― and you, only.

quietly decides to himself to try and be more affectionate with you, and it's evident in the way his hand gently and slowly slips into yours and he tenderly squeezes it, twining his fingers with yours, or how there's always a peck on your forehead every time he sees you, even if it's only been a few minutes ― he's absolutely enamored with you, and he wants you to know it, through his silent care and affection.

marius von hagen...

.... stops in his tracks when he first notices it ― but then he's back to his usual, teasing self like nothing is out of the ordinary, however, it's all a facade to hide how flustered he is from you.

though that persona drops again when you kiss him, he can't have you knowing that, can he? that's why he'll kiss you harder (and makes it into a pseudo-competition again). but deep down, he knows that you understand what he means through his touch and through the hidden tunes of affection from his words ― and he finds himself immensely thankful for that.

he definitely makes it another competition between the two of you on who can make the most declarations of love to the other. he can, and he has, told you some of the most ridiculous proclamations of love to you, and he takes pride in them, but you know that's just his way of saying he loves you. so what better way to reciprocate? proclaim yours even more ridiculously (he adores it).

luke pearce...

.... is the human personification of a combination between a ripe tomato and a fully cooked lobster (or alternatively, luke is so red and steaming that you can probably cook something on him). he's utterly speechless. lord give him strength, he thinks, but unfortunately for him, it is not his day.

somehow possibly grows even more sanguine than he was before when he's kissed, and ceases all functions immediately. he's a husk of a man, for his soul has ascended (give him another kiss and he'll be right back to the land of the living). and then he gives you the most shy of pecks, because he cannot look at you in the eyes, lest he combust right then and there.

luke is petty. very petty. will get you back by trying all methods of getting you flustered and ruffling your feathers (ha, peanut-), but all playfulness aside, he significantly grows more softer than he was before (somehow, yes, that's possible). his heart soars with joy every time he sees you, and he wants you to know it, feel it. but judging by those expressions, you probably do, but there's no harm in amping up his efforts, is there?

vyn richter...

.... remains the most calm and collected (on the outside only). he's a master at hiding his feelings, and this occasion is no exception either, but he does send a soft smile your way ― it's his way or reciprocating.

becomes more open with you ― even if it's just a little. tells you more about his days, and about the little things that he notices through the day, be it about the people around him, or about something he saw on tv. he just likes hearing you talk, and that look in your eyes makes him want to melt in his place, and he just can't have enough.

spoils you even more than he probably does. he's rich, he knows that, you know that, everyone and their grandmas know that. he's awkward when it comes to genuinely expressing his affection and thus, does it in the best way that he knows he can. his gifts are thoughtful ― ones that you can definitely find a use for, and that you can use for a long, long time. finds himself smiling ear to ear when he sees you using his gifts, and maybe, just maybe, you'll find a new side of him opening up soon.

✦ notes; oh my god. it has been so long since i've last been here, and i am so sorry for that ― as a senior in my last year of high school (which is really important where i live), i really haven't been able to find time to write at all. i am so sorry for all those requests i wasn't able to finish back then, but i promise i'll try and write more soon! tysm for being patient <3

― rine

© 2022 rine @artemstellation. do not plagarize or repost without due permission.

[matsbarzal]

tattoos cleanse the soul - mat barzal

summary: soulmate au! every year on your birthday your body develops a new tattoo, something your soulmate loves. you still don't understand how your soulmate could love a hockey team so much that the new york islander's logo would be etched on your ankle forever.

note: this is the first fic i've written in a very very long time. i love soulmate au!s and i literally have nothing going on so i decided to write this. i'd love to hear what everyone thinks <3

warnings: no warnings, just soft!mat

word count: 4.5k+

The tattoos started at 16. Like they do for everyone, from the day you turn 16 to the day you meet your soulmate, every human being develops a small tattoo somewhere on their body. A small tattoo dedicated to something the person holding the other half of your soul loved. Your first tattoo was a hockey skate, a small, yellow, CCM, hockey skate.

You always wondered what kind of tattoos your soulmate had. Did he have the cover of your favourite book somewhere? A tattoo of your dog? Maybe a small sunset somewhere? You were never sure, you never would be sure, until you met whoever it was that was meant to complete you.

But you sure knew what they loved. Hockey… and summertime. 8 years later and 8 different tattoo’s littered small sections of your body. First were the skates, then the stick, followed by a puck in the third consecutive year. The devastation on your parents faces when they saw the tiny Bud Light can on your wrist still brought upon second-hand embarrassment every time you looked at it.

Whoever your soulmate was, you knew there was no way they didn’t love hockey with their whole heart. But you could never understand how someone who loved hockey so much could love summertime just as equally, the only time during the year where hockey had the chance to be on break.

You had heard the theories from your friends and family. Growing up in a Canadian city meant everyone immediately jumped to someone who played hockey, likely professionally or semi-professionally. You usually disregarded the theories and ideas all your friends would throw at you every year on your birthday, it wasn’t until this year that you really started to question if they were right.

All your friends had found their match, somehow every single person in your multiple friend groups had found the person their soul had been calling out for. Except you.

Your leg was laid out on the couch in front of you, the left leg of your trackpants rolled up to reveal your ankle, and the newest addition to your collection of soulmate tattoos.

A small, black and white, New York Islanders logo was tattooed to the inside of your left ankle. Who the fuck loved the New York Islanders enough that their logo would appear on your ankle?

You were genuinely stumped the morning of your birthday. You were expecting another summertime symbol, another thing to prove that your soulmate probably enjoyed their summers and was probably a bit of a fuck boy if the remainder of your tattoos proved anything.

But this one was completely out in left field, in your opinion. Your best friend’s Tash’s sports tattoos were similar to your first ones, small symbols regarding the sport. Nothing ever reached the caliber of an entire teams logo permanently etched somewhere on their body.

The logo itself wasn’t anything special, you hadn’t cared for hockey until the tattoos started showing up all those years ago. You were content to learn what you could about your local team, so you had a fair share of knowledge about the Vancouver Canucks and eventually the Colorado Avalanche.

It didn’t matter anyways; the tattoos could keep coming. It felt like that’s what was going to happen anyways, there was no indication you were meeting your soulmate anytime soon, no coincidences from nature, you had essentially given up hope.

~~~~~~

Mat watched the little Blue Jay form that year. He had been wide awake the night of his birthday, amped up after the game against Pittsburgh. He watched it form on his wrist, his eyes tracing every inch as it slowly completed itself, the colours standing out against his skin.

None of his tattoos gave him any hint to who you were, every new one more vague than the others. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy to find you, he knew it took work and it took effort to find the person that was out there, the person that was literally meant for him. But Tyson’s all made so much sense, they all connected to his soulmate, they were the things she loved most.

Mat sighed, he knew Tyson’s only made sense because it had been his childhood best friend, someone he hadn’t seen in years when their final shared tattoo formed above their hearts. He knew his would make sense when he met you, knew they would all be perfectly connected to you, but for now it was frustrating.

The Blue Jay was added to the collection of random things you loved. He had a small paw print on his shoulder, mountains on the inside of his bicep, a sunset on the top of his spine and so many more. He knew they’d make sense when he met you, but God did it drive him insane that there was no connection between them at all.

Shaking the thoughts from his head, he felt a hand slap his right shoulder, a loud exclamation of “Barzy!” falling from the culprits’ lips.

Grinning at the sound of Tyson’s voice, Mat turned his head to acknowledge the man.

“Tys! Look who it fuckin’ is, been awhile eh?”

Mat was quick out of his seat, an arm thrown lazily around Tyson’s shoulder in a gesture of greeting. They hadn’t seen each other since the previous summer, strict NHL and bubble rules guaranteeing players were unable to see close friends and family for months on end.

As per every summer since the two friends had started in the NHL for their respective teams, this time of year was dedicated to catching up, enjoying the break they got from their high-endurance life styles, spending a significant amount of time on the lake and at parties.

That’s how the two found themselves here, their large group of friends slowly making their way through the front door of the lake house, loud exclamations and excitement as people were reunited, finally seeing each other for the first time in almost a year.

Mat was no exception to the excitement. Summer was his favourite time of year. He loved hockey, but something about the summer just cured every negative aspect of his life. The time with friends, the lake, camping, Bud Light beer, everything about the season was just the best.

And this summer was going to be better than the rest. 80% of their friend group had spent the winter months in some form of quarantine, whether it was work mandated or province mandated, they had barely had the chance to enjoy the outside world all year.

“So, Tash and her friends will be coming up tonight, I think? I forget when she said they were driving up, I know she said a few of them may have to work today so it may end up being pushed til tomorrow, but definitely today or tomorrow.”

Mat nodded his head. Tash was Tyson’s soulmate. Tash and Tyson had met as children and drifted apart, eventually finding their way back to each other after the two of them randomly came across each other in Denver the previous year.

Tyson had introduced her through FaceTime back in January, eager for the chance to make sure one of his best friends knew he had finally met his soulmate. Mat was ecstatic for him, happy to know that one of the most deserving people had finally met the other half of their soul. He wouldn’t deny that he was envious, who wouldn’t be? Mat was relatively old to not have met his soulmate yet, the average meeting age being between 17 and 22, and he was already halfway through his 24th year.

Everyone told him not to let it get to his head too much. Matt told him all the time that he needed to relax, he had met Syd years after the average age, he would meet his soulmate one day he just needed to stay hopeful.

“Who’s all coming up with her again? Just wanna make sure we have enough mattresses and stuff for everyone.” Mat gestured with his hand to the three boxes of unopened air mattresses that remained on the island in the kitchen.

“Well Tash is going to be sleeping with me, obviously. Nicola and Emily will probably share, and then Tessa and Y/N probably will too.”

Quirking an eyebrow at him, Mat didn’t recognize the final two names. “Tessa and Y/N?”

Nodded his head, Tyson continued, “Yeah, last minute yeses that I told you about, but you obviously weren’t listening. They both went to university with Tash, Y/N and her were roommates in first year. Sweet girl from the few times I’ve heard Tash FaceTiming her.”

~~~~~~

“Ugh, Tash. Seriously?”

You groaned as you watched her throw the third skimpy bathing suit in the cart in front of you. Accidentally leaving all your bathing suits in Denver before coming back to British Columbia for the summer wasn’t your greatest idea, but that’s what lead you here, the racks of Bikini Village demonstrating all the ways in which you could show off your body.

“Babe, seriously, this would look so hot on you so hush and just accept it.”

Rolling your eyes, you looked towards Tessa who had the same mischievous look in her eyes that your other companion did. “C’mon, Y/N. Tys has so many cute friends, and we’re there for two weeks, you won’t hurt your soulmate to get a little down and dirty with someone cute for a little bit.”

Gently tapping the other girl’s shoulder with your own, you rolled your eyes again at her comment. It wasn’t like you hadn’t done anything with people before, you had, quite a bit, with just a few different people. It’s not like you were holding out for your soulmate, but you were getting older, and you knew there was going to be a point soon where you would eventually come across them and you didn’t want to get involved or hurt anyone else when you eventually found them.

“I know that look, Y/N. Sleeping with someone doesn’t mean you’re going to date them and then find your soulmate. Live a little, you’ll figure out all your weird little symbols in time, stop stressing.”

You hadn’t told anyone about your newest symbol, just simply telling them it was another hockey one and they were content enough with that. You knew the logo was strange, strange that your soulmate could love a team that much, so you never really bothered to bring it up, not wanting to hear all the crazy theories that your friends coined.

“Are we driving up tonight? Or tomorrow?”

Tash shrugged, “Nic said there’s a chance she may cancel and if she cancels then Em definitely will too, so I’m still waiting for her to text me.”

Nodding your head, you weren’t surprised. Tash’s other friends were… interesting to say the least. They were flakey, and rarely messaged her, but they were some of the only people she still talked to from high school and she wasn’t willing to end the relationship because of everything that they had gone through together.

You had your fair share of those friends as well, one’s who invited you to random things during the summer, forgetting and remembering you on different occasions. It didn’t bother you, it’s not like you went out of your way to remain close with everyone from high school. Moving to Denver at 18 made that easy.

“Anddd, there it is. Nic cancelled, I’ll give it two minutes before Em sends through her cancellation too.”

You could see the annoyance on Tash’s face. Knowing she had been excited to spend the next two weeks with them was evident, she hadn’t seen them since the summer prior and all she had wanted to do was catch up with them and have all her future bridesmaids finally get the chance to really get to know one another.

“Ah Tash, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Em just cancelled too. You gotta get the bikini’s now because I’m sad and it’ll make me happy.”

“You manipulative bitch…”

Tash grinned as she pressed her arms around you in a small but joyful hug. You knew she’d be fine, she’d likely just spend more time with Tyson, Tessa and you. Ignoring her laughs, you allowed for the employee to cash out the choices the two girls had picked for you, the total equalling more than you had ever paid for bathing suits before in your life.

You were quick to grumble about it as you tapped your card, eager to get out of the store before either girl could convince you to buy anything else. “Are we heading up tonight then?”

“Yup. Let’s get everything back to my house and packed so we can head up.”

~~~~~~

Mat could feel the annoyance growing quicker than he was expecting. Tyson and him had been sitting on the couch for the last hour, Tyson putting out every connection that his soulmate tattoos could mean.

“Maybe she’s one of those Snow White party Princess’s? You know, cause of the Blue Jay?”

Or

“Obviously the mountains mean she’s probably from BC. You gotta explore near the mountains more, we’ll go on hikes this summer bro don’t worry.”

He was ready to strangle him, absolutely ready to strangle him. Mat knew he was being harmless, just trying to encourage him to think about it more positively and logically, but Tyson was driving him fucking crazy.

“Tys, please shut the fuck up. I’ve already thought about every single possibility as to what these stupid tattoos could mean. All I’ve gathered is that whoever they are, they’re obviously fucking scatterbrained.”

Tyson barely registered the rude way he had just spoken to him, choosing to focus his attention on the call that was coming through his phone. Mat watched as he pressed the phone to his ear, a happy smile plastered across his face. He couldn’t hear what was being said on the other end, but he knew without a doubt that it was Tash.

“Oh god, I’m so excited to see you. Mat’s already told me to shut up about you like fifty teams.”

More like five, but yeah fifty works too.

“Okay, drive safe. I’ll see you soon, love you!”

Obviously, Tash and her friends were expected sooner rather than later as Tyson deposited the phone back into the pocket of his shorts. “Girls are on their way now. It’s only three of them now so we can put away one of the mattresses.”

Mat and Tyson did just that, the few other people who were already there setting up a few other things around the house. The bar was fully stocked, the beer pong table was out with solo cups spread all over it, food was fresh in the fridge and cabinets. There wasn’t enough to last them two weeks, but a drive into town would take less than an hour to complete as long as two of them went.

Mat barely registered the sound of the lake house’s front door slamming open, a loud squeal ripping through the air before Tyson was up and gone from beside him and instead wrapped around the subject who had just broken his eardrums.

Trying not to grimace, Mat stood up to walk towards the new guests, not paying much attention to the two girls standing behind Tash and Tyson who were also rubbing their ears with a grimace.

The two pulled away from each other and Mat didn’t have time to think before Tash was throwing her arms around him, muttering ‘thank you’s’ and ‘how nice it was to finally meet him’, before pulling away with a large smile on her face.

Tyson was greeting the two other girls who had stepped into the house behind his soulmate, short hugs exchanged between him and her friends.

“Mat, this is Tessa.” Tyson gestured to the short brunette. Mat gave her a polite smile, and she responded with a shy wave. She seemed nice, if she could roll her eyes at the squeal Tash had erupted with then obviously she wasn’t too bad.

“And this, is Y/N.”

Something felt off the moment he made eye contact with you. He couldn’t place why, but something in his body felt off. Mat was quick to shake the feeling, chalking it up to the anxiety of being face-to-face and stuck with more than one pretty girl for two weeks.

~~~~~~

“And this, is Y/N.”

The first thing you noticed was how attractive he was, Mat Barzal. You knew he was attractive obviously; Tash had filled you in on how attractive all of Tyson’s friends were on the way to the house. The second thing you noticed was the immediate feeling that pooled in your stomach. It felt like a weird mixture of anxiety and uncomfortableness. You hadn’t felt like that before, so uneasy because of another person, someone who Tash talked so highly of because of how highly her soulmate talked about them.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mat.”

You were polite as you smiled at him, your voice floating throughout the room to him as you both continued to look at each other. He smiled and nodded his head back at you in acknowledge, a soft “You too” leaving his lips while he examined your features.

Tash gave you a weird look, similar to the look Tyson was currently giving Mat. Shrugging it off, Mat gestured to the stairs behind him.

“A few of our buddies cancelled, so you ladies can take whatever room is still available. Tash, you’re with Tyson. You can go put your stuff upstairs if you want.”

Tash was eager to oblige with his offer, looking back at you and Tessa pleadingly. Laughing as you rolled your eyes at her, you let her lead the two of you upstairs and past the boys.

You and Tessa decided on the biggest room that didn’t have anyone’s belongings inside of it and was still empty and available. Quickly disposing of all your bags, and getting changed into comfortable, more suitable lake house attire, the two of you met Tash in the hall. Well, more like Tash and Tyson who were too distracted by the feeling of each other’s lips.

“Yeah, been waiting to see how long I could stand here before they noticed.”

Quirking your eye at the man beside you, Mat grinned down towards you. “We’re at about 3 minutes now.”

“Ugh, gross.”

You were able to detach the couple when they realized it was more than just Mat awkwardly waiting for them to pull apart. The sheepish couple waved it off with a “we haven’t seen each other in weeks” before the group of you made your way downstairs.

You didn’t interact with Mat much for the rest of the night. More of his and Tyson’s friends had made their way to the house during the time you were upstairs, so both boys were eager to interact with all the people they hadn’t seen in months.

You, Tash and Tessa were introduced to every new person you passed, quick hello’s and introductions making their way in one ear and out the other. But you couldn’t shake the feeling that you had when you had first made eye contact with Mat. There was something weird about it, something unlike anything you had felt before, and you could just not wrap your head around it.

What you didn’t realize, was that said man had the same thoughts. He couldn’t understand the unease, the feeling he mistook for anxiety that was still coursing through his body. It was like a weird adrenaline, but he couldn’t place what it was.

See, the quirky thing about soulmates was that you didn’t know immediately when you met them. You didn’t feel the painless tattoo etching itself above your heart the moment you made eye contact with them. It was the feeling that you felt at that moment, when you first make eye contact with your soulmate that really connects you to them. It was uncharted territory for every soulmate pair when they first met.

There were the unlucky pairs who made eye contact but didn’t realize until far after their soulmate was long gone from their presence that they had met them. Then there was you and Mat, hidden away in a lake house in British Columbia, not realizing that either of you had met your other half..

~~~~~~

He couldn’t tear his eyes off the tattoo. The tattoo that was definitely not there hours before. The tattoo that was inked just above his heart. Everyone knew a tattoo above your heart, a completed tattoo above your heart meant you had met your them, had met the person who contained the identical mate to his soul. Mat had met his soulmate. She was in this house. You were literally steps away from the very spot he was standing in.

Mat was shocked, he couldn’t help as his pointer finger traced the small tattoo of the lake they were on, surrounded by trees with a sunset behind it. It wasn’t big enough to be obnoxious. But it was perfect. It was everything he had been waiting eight years for and more.

He knew that feeling earlier had to have been more than just anxiety, more than just an adrenaline. It was his body demanding that he acknowledge what was happening, demanding him to acknowledge what was right in front of him. And now his body was demanding he acknowledge what was just down the hall, unbeknownst to him, your body was demanding the same thing as you acknowledged the tattoo above your heart.

“Yo, Mat. I need my toothbru- woah. What the fuck is that?”

Mat turned towards Tyson, a look of pure bewilderment across his face.

“Oh my god that’s your matching tattoo. Oh my god.”

Tyson was basically saying exactly what Mat was feeling on the inside. He didn’t know how to react, how were you reacting? Were you freaking out with Tash and Tessa? Were you excited? Disappointed? Was he good enough for you?

“Oh, get out of your head, Barzy. She’s right down the hall! Is it Tessa? You looked like you were eyeing her up.”

Shaking his head vehemently, Mat watched as the realization peeked across Tyson’s face. “How didn’t I realize it was Y/N, I’m such an idiot. You were looking at her like your entire body was about to collapse, oh my God she’s literally down the hall. Go see her, you idiot!”

Mat was about to shake his head. He wasn’t ready. He had to prepare, he had to call his Mom. He needed her advice, right now, he couldn’t see you until he had her advice. What was he supposed to say to you? He didn’t even live close to you at any point in the year, he could feel the self-doubt bubbling up from the inside out.

The feeling inside him almost bubbled over when he heard the small knock on the bathroom door, the soft “Mat, are you in there?” coming from your voice almost prompting bile to come up the back of his throat. He had never been this nervous, never met anyone this nervous to meet their soulmate, to acknowledge that someone was their soulmate. But Tyson looked at him encouragingly, pushing him to respond, to open the door and acknowledge the woman on the other side.

~~~~~~

You could barely believe it when you saw the small, yet beautiful tattoo placed above your heart. The feeling you had all night finally made sense, the feeling when you first looked at Mat, the anxiety that had been bubbling in your stomach all night, trying to push you to acknowledge what was right in front of you.

You didn’t know if he would come to you, and you had waited far too long, countless sleepless nights imagining what he would be like, imagining what the person you would one day call your soulmate would be like. Was he kind? Was he handsome? Did he have ambitions, goals, passions? All those questions, all those imaginations were brought to the front of your mind when you finally realized who shared this beautiful tattoo with you.

There were absolutely no complaints about Mat. He was everything you had ever imagined and more.

That’s how you found yourself outside the bathroom door, your knuckles pressing against the door in three consecutive motions.

“Mat? Are you in there?” You murmured the words through the door softly, noticing the light peeking out from underneath the door, you didn’t want to wake anyone, and you knew you had seen Mat enter the bathroom just moments before you entered your room.

The door swung open, Tyson’s curls the first thing you acknowledged. A quick apology was about to pass your lips before Tyson slipped past you, leaving your line of eyesight to be filled with the stature of Mat Barzal, your soulmate.

“Nice tattoo.”

A slow smile crawled its way across the man’s face after your comment, “Could say the same to you.”

Before you even had the chance to move, Mat was stepping towards you and curling his arms around your body, pulling you into his chest while his nose pressed against your hair, breathing in your perfume and the smell of your shampoo.

You could smell the lingering scent of his cologne as you pressed your skin against his chest, but you were more focused on the muscles that rippled underneath your hands as you gripped onto his back. You were content to remain standing like that forever, wrapped up in the arms of the beautiful man you were blessed to call your soulmate.

The two of you stood like that for who knows how long, just taking in the feeling of each other, loving the feeling of being wrapped around one another. He was the first to pull away, a soft press of his lips to the top of your head before he did so.

“Can I kiss you? Is that okay?”

You smiled shyly at his request of consent to kiss you, before you gently nodded your head towards him. The kiss was quick, but firm. His lips were soft, like he had just put chapstick on, his hands pressed against your cheek while yours held his shoulders as you attempted to reach his lips without him breaking his back to bend and meet yours.

Pulling away from him, your hand trailed its way down his arm before entwining his hand with yours. “Can you tell me about my tattoos now?”

Mat laughed, nodding his head as he gently squeezed your hand. “Yeah, yeah I think I can. As long as you promise to tell me all about mine.”

“I’ll tell you about them in every detail as long as it means I get to finally be with you.”

Mat pressed his lips to yours in response, a content smile barely masked by the pucker of his lips. Everything he ever wanted, and more was standing right in front of him, his favourite things littering your body in little symbols, and he knew he couldn’t wait to tell you every little detail about his life, from this day, til his last.

[mossygardenstone]

Hi !

How are you doing ? ^^

Can I request something angsty but maybe (if possible) with an happy ending for whoever you want ?

My idea was that their crush has hanahaki (because they think they don't love them)

I'm sorry, I don't really know how to explain the idea clearly ^^"

I hope you will have a nice day ! :3

I can totally do that for you! :3 I'll write for Red because that's my boy =w= But if you want someone else, feel free to request again! Hope I did it right! ;w;/ I may have gone overboard ;; Reader x Redd - with Hanahaki TW: Medical stuff, illness things, hospitals, angst, no proof reading oops, and swearing You plucked away a last petal from your shoulder, as you returned your gaze to the mirror, looking yourself over for a moment. Of all the people for you to fall for, it had to be him. When the monsters started to come from the underground, you never thought you'd be friends with them, let alone had fallen so head over heels for one of them. But something about this bone boy really got to you. Despite the rough and tough personality he put up, you could see who he was truly. But that's why you knew they wouldn't be interested in you. How could a monster be in love with a human? You looked your face over for a moment more in the mirror, your hands gripping the sink tightly. Once you felt that you had gathered yourself enough to be around others, you sighed and pushed off the sink, giving the mirror a last glance on your way out the bathroom door. Once you entered the living room, a pair of sockets shifted to look at you, as Red's constant smile seemed to grow more at your sight. "Was starting to worry ya fell in the toilet." He teased, his sockets shifting back to the video game he was play, that you had brought over to play with him. You simply forced a smile, that you wore well to block out any prying questions about how you had been, despite the fact your features has slowly worsen over time. Your body finally giving way to display how sickly you had been feeling as of late. You gave the other a soft chuckle and shifted to sit back in your spot next to him in the floor. "Where's your brother?" You asked, peeking over your shoulder, where the taller skeleton monster had been when you left. But it simply earned a shrug from Red, not even looking up from his game. "Didn't ask, he just said he had ta go." He gave a chuckle and shifted a socket to you again. "You know how he gets." You returned a chuckle, the smile you forced felt as constant as the skeletons smile. But you think your cheek muscles were making you have less of an advantage in that department. Your face hurt from smiling. Your body hurt from breath. And being around him just made it worse, you could feel your body react the second you're around him. It felt like you were dying slowly next to him, but that was okay. At least it would be next to him. Lost in your thought, your vision blurred, not even hearing Red as he starts to talk about the game. Your frame wobbled softly in it's spot as the room danced around you, just to swirl into a never ending blackness. You felt your lungs failing yourself, but now you could hear him, because he was much closer now. Your eyes weakly trailed up, to see his bone fingers gripping your shoulder tightly, but you couldn't feel his touch. Your eyes continued up to meet the sockets of the other, his yelling seemed muffled by the fog in your head, he look frustrated, his sockets narrowed at you, his eyelights reduced to pin pricks. But that expression changed once your eyes finally met his, you could see his frustration leave like a flash, the second he locked eyes with your dull ones. He was sweating now, his eyelights gone, leaving his deep sockets staring blankly at you. His worry was quickly amped as your eyes finally fluttered shut and you toppled over in the floor beside him. He gasped now, scrambling to your side and stroking a boney hand across your face, calling out your name, but getting no answer. You awake later, to the sounds of beeps, and the uncomfortable feeling of a cold, sterile room closing in around you. You blink groggily as you try to sit up, but your body refused to let you do more than softly shift around. But you soon stopped your movement, hearing a familiar voice in the next room. It was Alphys, and another more loud voice you also recognized as Sans. You stopped shifting so

you could listen to them in the other room, they seemed upset. But you thought you'd pass out again when you heard Alphys mention a word far too familiar for you. Hanahaki Disease. You knew you had it, you knew that's what was happening to you, it's an easy search. But no one else did, not them, not your friends, not a soul but you knew this. You could feel tears prick your eyes, as you heard Alphys explain it to Sans, your body shaking hoping he wouldn't catch on. But another voice rang out, this time from the room you were in. It was Papyrus, you hadn't even noticed he had been sitting in a chair on the other side of the room, arms folded over his uniform. "Alphys, Sans, they're awake." He barked almost as a command, and they funneled into the room as though it was one, locking eyes with you. Alphys went to spoke, but before she could even attempt to speak, Red's hulking frame was stomping toward you. "Why didn't ya tell me? D... Did ya not know? That's it right?" His tone sounded pleading, like he wanted more than anything for you to not known you were dying, than to not have told him, to hide something like this. You shifted your teary eyes away from him, you knew the longer you stared at him, the more they would fall. "I knew." You finally spoke after a while, making him stare in stunned silence, before his sockets screwed up in anger again. "Why the hell didn't ya tell us? Or at least me?" He sputtered out, his hands waving as he spoke. But when you didn't answer he simply let out a grumble and moved closer to your bed side. "Then tell me at least..." He started, causing you to look at him out of the side of your eye. He hung his head for a moment, thinking over everything he had learned today, before raising his head with a snap "Who the fuck is it then? Who are ya so in love with that it's doing this to ya?" He was shaking at this point, and he didn't know if it was anger, or fear. "And why the hell don't they love ya back?" His voice cracked at those words, and hearing it sent you over the edge as well, tears rolling down your face now, your body trembling to keep from letting out shaky sobs. "Because.." You started for a moment, bringing your hand up to wipe your eyes, the IV in your arm feeling weird as it moved. "I haven't told them." This caused Red to stare blankly, and finally shut up for a moment. Giving Alphys the perfect moment to finally speak. "But Y/N, you will die if you don't tell them soon. Or get the surgery." You winced and tried to choke back another sob. "I don't want the surgery. I know what comes with it... I rather be like this than lose my feelings for them." You said blankly, Alphys looking from you to Sans again. Who was now angered again, hands balled into a fist. "Then tell them! I'm sure they're going to love ya back. They have'ta!" he spat, shaking his skull. You couldn't reply at first, you just softly sobbed to yourself, before taking a deep breath and collecting yourself. "It wont matter if I tell them. They wont feel the same." You weak mutters just fueling his anger more, as he finally had enough, he closed the rest of the space between you both, gripping the bed rails. Alphys reached out to stop him, but simply let him get it out, noticing Papyrus keeping a close eye on him. "Why the hell wouldn't they? Ya great! I should know, I spend almost every day with you!" Alphys blinked and looked at him for a moment. "Sans.. You've been around them a lot lately right?" Sans snapped his head to look at her. "It's what I just said, innit?" Alphys shifted her gaze to you again. "When you met them.... Did they look this sick?" You winced, you knew she had figured it out. Red was staring at you now, you could feel it, his sockets scanned you, before turning back to Alphys. "N...No, I don't think they did.. They had a lot more colla to them." Alphis nodded and looked to again, Red's gaze trailing back to you, his boney fingers still wrapped around the bars of your bed. "Is it a monster? Is that why ya don't think they will like ya? Y/N, monsters fall for humans all the time, you

really-" Sans was cut off by the bellowing of his older brother, causing all three of them to jump and instantly give him their attention. "Sans, you absolute moron." Sans gulped nervously, loosing his grip on the bed, as his brother continued. "It's you they like, how can you be so dense? I saw this ages ago" His eyelights rolled in his skull, as though he had just made another pun. Sans just stared at him, jaw slack, his large frame rumbled from the laughter he let out. "Come on Boss, it's a good joke, but this is serious." He shifted his skull back to look at you. "There's no way someone like them-" He stopped, your eyes were wide, and you face was flushed, and he realized just how pale you've gotten from this sickness. He blinked softly for a moment before letting out a panicked grunt, leaning over the bars, a foot from your face. "Yer fucking joking? T..." His skull flushed a bright cherry candy red, his eyelight finally appearing again for the first time since you passed out, they seemed to vibrate softly, flickering as they scanned you. You couldn't stand to look at him anymore, you felt destroyed, you were going to get rejected in front of everyone and slowly rot away. But instead you were surprised when you felt him clambering over the rails, into the bed with you, spooking both you and Alphys "S.Sans! Careful with them-" She blubbered as he managed to nestle his large frame, mostly sitting on the railing. His grin was larger than you've ever seen, his eyelights looked almost like they had turned heart shaped, and he was giggling like a dork. You scanned him, as you scooted in your bed to make space for the large skeleton monster. "Yer as big of a moron as me I guess, because I liked ya for a while too." He finally, said with another giggle. Your eyes went wide, and you suddenly felt dizzy, actually too dizzy, the room spun as you put a hand to your forehead, leaning back with a huff. Sans jumped again, trying to back away to give you space. "Fuck! Sorry uh.." Sans muttered, and Alphys simply snickered and walked over to the free side of the bed that didn't have a bone boy perched on it. Softly fanning you with her clipboard. "It's okay Sans, it's the blood flow coming back to them. They shouldn't be showing anymore signs of the illness in the next 24 hours." Sans beamed at you, watching the color come back to your face slowly. "Guess I'm ya new medication hun. Take as needed." He snicked and slumped into the bed beside you, pulling you to his lap. You sunk into his large frame like a bean bag. You had no idea how it happened, but you were fine with the out come. "Dork.." You muttered as you snuggled into his chest.

[megashadowdragon]

I once commented that curious cats ability is similar to jaunes

but the curious cat puts his heart in other people to manipulate and control them while jaune does it to reinforce/support them

originally the curious cat was meant to help peoples hearts

jaune with his semblance would do exactly that for people

 jaunes inspiration joan of arc was known for her leadership of the french against the english

plus joan of arc had a charismartic personality where she was able to easily raise the morale (and a synonym of morale is spirits) of her soldiers so she was able to raise their spirits

and jaunes semblance is perfect for support and it being soul amplification will correlate with how joan of arc was able to raise the morale of her soldiers and raise their morals. if jaunes soul amp he would be able to cause jaune to improve the morals of the people who he use it on causing them to undergo development etc.

www .  stjoan-center . com/military/stephenr . html

“The firsthand sources make clear that the most obvious and stunning impact of Joan’s leadership was the way in which her charismatic personality hauled the morale of the often-defeated French army up from the pit of cynicism and despair to a fevered high of renewed enthusiasm and collective ardor for battle. Conversely, once her reputation for bringing victory to the French became established, her presence infected the heretofore invincible English with doubt and fear. Dunois testified as follows about Joan’s impact from the moment she delivered her ultimatum to the English army besieging Orleans:

… and I swear that the English, two hundred of whom had previously been sufficient to rout eight hundred or a thousand of the royal army, from that moment became so powerless that four or five hundred soldiers and men at arms could fight against what seemed to be the whole force of England.7

However, she immediately set about making the force of her personality felt throughout the army in terms of both morals and morale. She continued to stress the importance of righteous conduct of the soldiers throughout her career. As Pasquerel, de Coutes, d’Alençon and others testified, she exhorted the soldiers to become faithful in making confession and attending mass, she drove prostitutes from camp brandishing her sword, and she fiercely scolded both common soldiers and great nobles for their foul language. To their own amazement, hardened warriors of all ranks meekly submitted to her will in these matters.11 George Bernard Shaw was correct when he wrote in the preface to his play Saint Joan that what may seem to be nothing more than mere prudery on Joan’s part was in fact a vital component of restoring the ability of the French army to fight well. Soldiers of all ranks had become so cynical, so demoralized by alternating periods of defeat and inaction, that they were ready to accept any measures that would restore a modicum of their self-respect. Joan’s exhortations on little points such as attending mass and not blaspheming were the necessary first steps in rebuilding the men’s spirits.12

From the moment she first rode onto a battlefield, Joan went far beyond being merely the tireless good conscience of the army. From the moment she first laid eyes on her country’s English enemies, she aroused the will of her soldiers to fight. Joan was a fine and forceful speaker but her ability to inspire the French soldiers stemmed from her leading them into battle in the most literal sense possible.

″

Jean Dunois the Bastard of Orleans later described how much Joan boosted the moral of the city when she arrived:

“Then Joan came with me, carrying her banner, which was white and on which was the figure of our Lord holding a fleur-de-lis in His hand. And she crossed the river Loire with La Hire and myself, and we entered all together the town of Orleans. These are the reasons why I think that Joan, and all her deeds in war and in battle, were rather God’s work than man’s: the sudden changing of the wind, I mean, after she had spoken, which gave hope of aid, and the bringing in of the provisions in spite of the English, who were much stronger than the royal army, and the fact, furthermore, that this young girl swore that she had had a vision in which Saint Louis and Saint Charlemagne prayed to God for the safety of the King and of this city.”

A merchant in Orleans who witnessed Joan’s arrival later stated that she “was received with such great joy by all the inhabitants of both sexes, great and small, that it seemed she was an angel of God. By means of the Maid, they said, we are going at last to escape our enemies.” The Journal of the Siege of Orleans (Journal du siege d'Orleans) further describes the great scene of Joan’s entry:

“Thus at eight o'clock in the evening, notwithstanding all the English, who in nowise prevented it, she entered fully armed, mounted on a white horse; and borne before her her standard, which was likewise white, and which had two angels holding each a lily flower in her hand; and on the pennon was painted the Annunciation. She, thus entering into Orleans, had at her left side the Bastard of Orleans, armed and mounted most richly. And after her came several other nobles and valiant lords, squires, captains, and soldiers…Elsewhere she was received by other soldiers and burghers and burgesses of Orleans carrying torches in great number, and making such joy as if they saw God descend among them; and not without cause, for they had many weariness, hardships, and trials; and what was worse; great doubt of succor, and fear to lose body and goods. But they felt wholly comforted, and as if freed from siege by the divine virtue which they had been told was in the simple Maid, whom they regarded most affectionately; men, women, and little children. And there was a most marvelous pressing of the crowd to touch her or the horse on which se was, so much so that one of those who carried the torches approached so near her banner that it caught fire. Whereupon she touché her horse with the spurs , and turned him as gracefully to the banner, of which she extinguished the fire, as if she had long followed the wars. And the soldiers held this in great wonder, and the burghers of Orleans also; who accompanied her the length of their town, making a great welcome, and in very great honor conducting her almost to the Regnart gate, to the home of Jacques Boucher, then treasurer of the Duke of Orleans, where she was welcomed with great joy.”

www . maidofheaven . com/joanofarc_orleans.asp

He's  persuasive, smart and a fast learner. His backstory puts his clumsy battle inexperience into perspective and shows just what he’s up against in an academy that is far above his level. He is really determined to become the kind of person who can protect people and once he begins to apply himself, his skills start developing very fast. Also, Ozpin mentions to Ruby that the skills required for dancing and fighting are connected, and Jaune turns out to be an extremely accomplished dancer, sum to that his naturally large aura and his quick thinking. He also resolves Neptune’s insecurities after he turned down Weiss at the dance. Let’s point out that this was meant to be Neptune’s secret, Jaune just convinced Neptune to confess his problems to him and then encouraged Neptune in overcoming his insecurities. and succeeded

@pilot-boioi​ @spoonoftar from @miki-13 :

#holy shit#if this is true then RWBY+ NPR's semblances could all evolve near him and who knows who else's!#not only that but it could come in handy with Oscar and Ozpin's situation as well!

Jaune's Semblance

I'm not sure if anybody's discussed this yet about Jaune's Semblance, but maybe this might be interesting anyway.

First of all I should preface this post with the fact the impetus for it is my IRL Best Mate, who suggested it first and mentioned I could post about it on Tumblr. She doesn't have any online accounts to link but I did want to mention it anyway.

She watched RWBY last year at my behest. I was talking to her about the mention that apparently Aura amp isn't quite the right term for Jaune's Semblance and she immediately had an answer since she already sort of suspected otherwise.

She said that it's probably likely he's not just amping Aura but the soul itself. If you trace the characters he's amped so far in the show, they've had as much emotional development as they have Semblance development.

At first I wasn't entirely sure how much this pattern would hold since it only makes sense that a big Summoning would follow Weiss' revival, and then her emotional strength across the Atlas Arc probably came from a place of character development as much as a Semblance... but I think it's arguable here the Semblance is kind of doing some metaphorical character work, both once you take Ren into account, and the way Jaune's Semblance is characterised in the very first episode of V6, right after it emerged at the end of V5:

Both Ruby's encouragement and Jaune's here are doing the work... to the point it makes me wonder if the obvious demonstration of Jaune's Semblance here is doing what I think it's doing (spiritual support).

The argument for Ren seems to be sound since he demonstrated a rapid Semblance progression in V8 - both quickly and in depth. Which is, of course, as a result of emotional/moral development, and all of this is related to the way all Semblances and Aura are doing character work. Of course. Once you get Ren snapping at Jaune in V8, it seems like a pretty natural direction to break, being the outward representation of Ren's internal conflict.

More than that, though, when you count how often Jaune uses his Semblance and on whom, Jaune has used his Semblance - at this point - most frequently on Ren. That there's some type of catalytic effect seems likely.

Which is why it's interesting there's a prominent use of Jaune's Semblance on Nora in V8. Given that we're likely getting more Nora development over the next volume after establishing the scene so far with V8, this may be setting that character progression up symbolically - setting up her Semblance evolving beyond being only 'strong enough to hit stuff' in her eyes...

Since Aura is essentially the material expression of the soul, it makes sense that if Jaune's Semblance is 'more than' Aura amping, it's actually something which goes deeper - literally - and affects the narrative and character progression.

To me, it seems like the only way to explain it without getting bogged down in mechanics which don't matter... and if with established evidence the amping is now not 'just' about combat dynamics but something deeper, then I'm all for it and it fits thematically.