#He was HORRIBLE and I was just so so pissed

[trials-of-a-spirit-worker]

I'll let you in on something as an ex christian and a child of religious leaders:

Canon Jesus as I've heard him be called here (genius btw) is kinder, more accepting and would fight for a lot of shit so called "Christian" nationalists would hate.

These bastards screaming Leviticus at gay and trans people have forgotten in the same book they're supposed to fucking love your god-damned foreigners and treat them like natives (not how we treated our actual Native Americans). Actual Jesus would beat a majority of these so called Christians out of the churches dedicated to him. Also...divorce is not allowed. I'm looking at the multiple divorced awful people who don't think they're the problem but turn on young kids and/or minorities. I'm staring hard at a so-called president and the trust fund baby he works for.

Fucking rape culture would piss that little Messiah off so much. He told your creep asses to scoop out your own eye if you have dirty thoughts because of how someone looked. How dare you blame a person for being attractive. You can control yourself fine! You're just refusing to.

Jesus hung out with prostitutes and gay people! For fucks sake and yet the people wearing his symbol will call for the annihilation of 13 year old little Billy because he found out he likes boys and girls!

You don't think your god sees it all?! I know what I read before. I remember what I was taught before. Atheists and non Christian religions or just leftist people in general are more prone to kindness and acceptance because they just choose to be good.

Am I saying they're gods people? No. Am I saying they're more godly than those who preach the Bibles words in hatred.

Literature wise? YES.

I'm not going to go here and say your god hates you. Cause I can't make that fucking call. I'm in no place. But God damn you have twisted words of forgiveness and love into something horrible.

You can't blame Satan for this. You can't claim the devil made you like this. This is the culture of hatred. Of unwilling and disgusting people in power taking a religion and making it a fucking cesspool. You can only blame your fucking selves.

And to those Christians who see the truth, who do not vibe with all that awful shit done in your god's name, I can only empathize with you. Just keep being you. Be accepting. Be loving. Worship in your own way.

I did long ago when I believed and I had such beautiful friendships and was a safe haven for many. That is how you're supposed to be.

[luvyeni]

CELIBATE ♱. ── ( 정성찬 )

𝓲𝓿 ⦂ after a horrible terrible breakup with your ex; you swore off men, you were gonna be celibate for the foreseeable future … then here comes sungchan with a terrible first impression …

𝕼 ㅤ𓈒ㅤ𓈒 chapter seventeen. basketball .ᐟ

“if he comes in and starts something, jimin you kick him the shin and i’ll hit him in the head with my platform shoe.”

the three of you turned to julie; watching her fix her makeup. “it’s was just a suggestion.” you scoffed. “one that will get us all put in a cell.” the four of you were sitting in the stands waiting for the other team to get ready. “hopefully he’ll just play the game and leave.” you knew that wasn’t gonna happen — because you knew geonu and you knew sungchan. “yeah , hopefully.”

just as you said that you heard a group of rowdy hoots and hollers. “here we go.” your eyes automatically went to sungchan , who was already staring at you. he waved excitedly, making you laugh , waving back. “jesus girl , he is obsessed, he didn’t even notice the other team was here.” you rolled your eyes. “it’s cute.” you said , you had to admit , the boy really did grow on you. “he’s cute.” you could hear the gagging of your friends from beside you. “yeah she forsure not surviving our 3 months of celibacy.”

you couldn’t smile for long; because your smile immediately dropped as both the teams walked on to the court , geonu stood right in front of sungchan and you could see sungchan stop smiling. “oh no.” wonbin said. “he’s gonna taunt him the entire game.” you sighed , sungchan looked for you in the crowd. “there she is.” he heard the irritating voice in front of him. “sitting pretty as she always is.” he could feel his blood began to boil. “you know after we kick your teams ass , maybe i should ask her to come back to my place.”

before sungchan could react , shotaro pulled him to the other side. “get your head out of your ass for a second and ignore him.” the older boy whispered. “do what you have to do after we win this.” he nodded , looking at you once more , before the referee blew the whistle; signaling the game was beginning.

you still didn’t know what was going on in the game , but you could tell it wasn’t going well for sungchan and his team; the number on the scoreboard confirming. “they have no chance if sungchan doesn’t make this shot.” wonbin said. “let’s hope he really isn’t as bad at free throws like eunseok said.” you huffed , biting your lip in anxiety. “please make it.”

“just shoot it , don’t think about.” eunseok said. “think about how im gonna kick your ass if you don’t.” followed up. “just do it.” seunghan said , he huffed , the ball in his hand , raising it about his head , and shooting it — and he made it. “fuck yeah!” they all slapped his back in a congratulatory. “we just need three more points and we can still win this thing.”

he let out a sigh of relief; noticing your anxious eyes in the crowd , doing a smile gesture towards , mouthing the word. he was suddenly shoved , making him bump into anton who caught him. “fucking play the game.” geonu huffed , walking by frustrated. “hey.” anton stopped him by grabbing his shoulders. “don’t let him get to you.”

“sungchan is about to beat the shit out of him,” jimin said. “and i fully support him.” so ready for the game to just be over so they can go. “there’s a minute left, all one of them has to do is shoot a three pointer and we can finally go.” wonbin reassured. “no bruises or blood , we’re almost there.”

sungchan was pissed off; he had been pushed and shoved by the boy too many times for his liking and was one shove away from being disqualified. “pass it to sungchan, he's good at three pointers.” shotaro said. “just make the basket and we can go home winners.” everyone agreed as the referee blew the whistle. “let’s do it.”

it happened so fast , you could’ve missed it. one second he was shooting the ball — and it went in. the gym erupting into cheers as the score changed , signaling their win. “they won!” you shot up , clapping as hard as you could. “didn’t understand it , but they won!” the four of you cheered. “let’s go down.” you grabbed wonbins hands , dragging him down the steps down on to the court. “channie!”

he felt you before he turned around , your body crashing into his. “you won!” he felt you jumping in his arms. “you’re more excited than i am right now , you hugging me is more exciting.” he smiled. “shut up.” he wrapped his arms around you again , holding you tightly. “okay , wrap this up , you need to go shower.” you said. “why you finally letting me over?” you rolled your eyes. “go , before wonbin drags shotaro in there , don’t underestimate him and a sweaty man.” you said , watching your friend eye the man. “so that’s a yes?” he smirked. “it’s a— yn.”

you were interrupted by an irritating voice. “seriously.” sungchans stepping in front of you. “you already lost , just go.” he said , geonu laughed. “you won by a landslide.” julie picking up on what was going on. “yn , come on , we’re going out to eat.” you turned to sungchan. “i’ll be fine.” you nodded , walking towards your friend. “you yn if that offer still stands from a few days ago.” geonu started , grabbing your wrist. “I’m down for whatever you were saying.”

you tried to pull away but he had a grip on your wrist. “let me fucking go.” the gym finally catching on to what was happening. sungchan was confused; what was he talking about? and most importantly why was he touching you? he felt all of his anger from being pushed and shoved from this man finally boiling over , before any of the guys could pull him away he was already punching him in the face , you stepped back in shock as the man fell to the floor.

his adrenaline was still high; because right after doing that , he didn’t even bother trying to explain himself to the referee, he turned to you , grabbing both of cheeks , pulling you into a kiss; making sure geonu saw it , before pulling away , but the look in his eyes was anger. he was angry; at you? geonu? who knew because shotaro was dragging him away and jimin and karina were already dragging you out of the gym wonbin following behind , leaving a bleeding geonu on the gym floor.

🍃. taglist … @dollechan @thisrandombitch @daegale @shimochibun @gacktsa @jungwonsstrawberry @hanninova @nlewst @pxnklover @secretiny @sunflowers1610 @jvngw0nlvr @valentinebby @kittykyuuu @mmjh1998 @saranghoeforanton @chwesuh-imnida @yuyita-rosier @niniissus @17ericas @i03jae @kookieswithjung @ethelia @dorritoni @nickiminajleftasscheek @xcosmi

𝕼 ㅤ𓈒ㅤ𓈒 previous. celibate masterlist. next. .ᐟ

©️LUVYENI

[stupidlittlespirit]

Just cuz I love all of your takes on Ford- what do you imagine a tipsy/drunk Ford to be like?

Thank you! And good question!

I know it's mentioned in TBoB that Ford doesn't drink much at that point but I firmly believe he grows to do it a little more later down the line. There's no way someone goes through all that trauma and doesn't resort to a few bad habits, no matter how smart you are.

I think it probably helps him loosen up and lowers his guard a little. He'd likely only do it in a safe place, like at home or whatever, I can't see him going to a bar or anything and getting drunk because he'd need to stay hypervigilant (yay trauma!).

I have some dialogue written for a scene in a fic that I want to flesh out eventually, and in it he stumbles over more simple words but is perfectly able to say something complex. (“God, no. I have autonomy, you know? I'm perfectly capable of making my own horrible deciss- decis-.... choices,” He settles on finally.) So he can use 'autonomy', but 'decision' is too much of a tongue twister for him in the moment. I think it's cute that he'd trip over his words when he's usually very well spoken. Also, I like the idea that maybe he just starts speaking in an alien language when he forgets the human word for something. The wires in his brain cross and he shorts out for a second haha

He'd continue to misunderstand literal things, too. If they don't make immediate sense to him (and they won't because he's pissed) then he misinterprets their literality initially.

But I can see him shedding some of his shyness. He's probably quite boisterous and he gets talking a lot easier. I can picture him absolutely going off about something he's passionate about more so than normal, even if he's slurring and wobbling. If I think back to some conversations I've had in pub gardens (the ones I can remember....), most often they tend to be very free and loose, and people find it easier to get into what's being discussed because they lose a bit of their social anxiety.

Again, because he'd probably only do it in a safe space or with someone safe, I like to think that he'd get a little tactile. He'd be more willing to touch someone as he spoke, like for example: He makes a joke or loses himself in a passionate point, and he places a hand on their forearm or their knee. Not in a sexual way to begin with (or with anyone who wasn't his partner) just in a friendly, personal way. I genuinely think his 'love language' is touch, and the barriers to expressing that are reduced with a bit of alcohol in the system, so he'd be inclined to reach out a little more.

In a more intimate way, I think he'd be more casual about displays of affection. Not like making out in the corner or anything, but he'd put an arm around a partner without even really noticing. Maybe he'd touch the back of their neck gently, just running his fingers over the nape without ever acknowledging it.

I can definitely see him being less 'straight laced', too. He would laugh a lot more and make jokes or be sillier without inhibition. I think when he's sober, he's still very funny and whimsical, but mostly in relation to his passions. When he's under the influence, he's a little more inclined to just be generally silly. He's not going to make a total tool of himself (and no one that cared about him is going to tempt him into doing anything that would make that happen), but he'd be more relaxed with letting go. The shyness would exist but he'd be less inclined to clam up totally.

Behind closed doors with a partner, he's going to go the horny route. Whether or not he'd fall victim to whiskey dick, given his age especially, I don't know, but it wouldn't stop him from wanting to be of use, if you catch my meaning....... I can see him using that lack of care over being tactile to ramp up his display of just how horny he is: The touches gradually changing from touching their knee to holding their thigh, or to using any excuse to put his hands on them in a PG context but with 18+ intentions, if that makes sense? So he'd ghost his fingers up and down his partner's bare arm but they way he looks at them suggests there's a lot more heat behind it than the actual action displays.

He'd be messy, too. Sloppy. Again, more relaxed and uncoordinated means his actions aren't quite as calculated as he thinks they are. I think this could give way to him overstepping once or twice, so he'd thinks he's being subtle with his touches but he's very clearly coming onto his partner in plain view because he's kind of forgotten himself momentarily. Nothing over the top, just more so than he would usually do. He's bolder.

And also, he'd be a cheeky smoker. Nothing tastes better than a drunk cigarette.

[sugarcubeindulgent]

Would like to hear more about the guys as dads now

the members and fatherhood.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ contents. fluff. abuse. neglect.

a/n: thank you for the request, anon!

bill dickey ; a part of bill has always wanted to be a father. not because of any selfless reason but because of two reasons. one, to shove it in his own father’s face that he was a better father and two, to be able to craft and mold someone by a means of projecting onto that child. bill would absolutely despise having a daughter, he’d have to make himself view women as anything but reciprocals and he’d refuse to do that so if his child was a girl – he wouldn’t stick around. however, if he had a boy, he’d project everything bad. his misogynistic beliefs, the idea that those that are kind are just waiting to slit your throat, etc. i do believe he’d never hit his child or even scream at them, just a feeling. but he’d definitely threaten them with hurting them.

josh levy ; a good father who’s always wanted kids. he’d show interest in whatever his child liked. i think he’d actually prefer having a baby girl because he’d have to get over his misogyny and sexism. would spoil his child and there’d be no limits as to what the child could do. he’d be very loving and present but i do think he’d pass on his unfortunate beliefs of life. “not being first is being last”, “if at first you don’t succeed, give up”, etc. etc. though, overall, he’d be a good dad just prone to shouting at his kids when he reaches his breaking point but he’d never smack them or anything. maybe a light swat on the hand before giving them whatever they wanted.

pete dinunzio ; a horrible father. don’t get me wrong, i share the unpopular opinion that he wouldn’t be an absent father. no, pete would step up and be a father whether or his own volition or his family forcing him – he would be there. but that’s not necessarily a good thing. shouting, hitting, grabbing – his idea of discipline would be rough love (though he’d be way more gentle with a baby girl) and his lessons to his kids would be awful. a girl would get “don’t be a skank (like your mother)”, “your job is to get married ‘an have kids” and to a boy it’d be “women are all sluts and whores, don’t trust them.” and “be a man, don’t ever cry – only get pissed off.”. he’d be a bad father, but i think he’d at least not smack around a baby girl.

jerry stokes ; absent! i honestly don’t believe jerry would ever want kids in any capacity. he’d probably be too worried about fucking them up, accidentally raising his children to be people like the friends he once had. and i don’t think he’d want a child to be dependent on him, he probably really fucking likes his freedom. he’d definitely offer whoever got pregnant money monthly but he’d want to pretend the whole accident didn’t exist whatsoever past the day a month when he sends a payment.

[doiliedaze]

My Valentine

Warnings: just sweet love

Genre: fluff

A/n: I wanted to just write something cute for the holiday and I miss my wife I haven’t wrote for her in so long😭 and I have so many cool fics planned, I’m gonna try to release them before my birthday!!

───────┈ · ·

Growing up in Zaun love wasn’t something achievable whether it be familiar or romantic, everyone was out to use everyone. You thought this until you met her.

You quite literally fell for Sevika as you were a waitress at The Last Drop. Some jackass tripped you because he was losing and you and the drinks you were carrying covered her. She would’ve been pissed immediately if she was enchanted by you.

Instead she channeled her energy into making sure we’re okay and beating that guys ass.

Sevika can be awkward when she has a crush since her last girlfriend was in the first grade.

So when she finally approached with her feelings after the two of you spent the last eight months getting to know each other she was pleased to find you felt the same. As if you could feel otherwise!

Sevika is someone you care for dearly and you know she hasn’t experience much affection so with Valentine’s Day being today you decide to surprise her!

You went through the whole nine yards. You got the ballons, her favorite chocolates (you maybe stole from piltover), you crocheted a teddy bear and you bought her a switch blade she’s been talking about. The basket was red and you filled it to the brim with some miscellaneous stuff as well like little hearts.

Sneakily you hauled ass to Sevika’s apartment to surprise her in the morning. Cooking is one of your strong suits and you wanted to give her breakfast in bed. Only problem Sevika was awake and was wrapping a box.

The two of you froze and stared at each other and you swiftly placed the basket behind your back.

“What’s that?” Sevika ask as she walks towards you, “nothing Sev, omg how did I get here? Am I sleepwalking? So glad it’s to your place and not somewhere horrible!” You ramble as you back up.

“Cute, now lemme see.” She outstretches her hand and curls two fingers in a come-hither motion.

This lead to Sevika chasing you across the apartment because she always spoils your surprises!

“Let me surprise you damn!”

“I just want to see it, a little peek!” Sevika argues as she moves the couch to get to you.

By the time the two of you are done it’s 11 am and you are in your respective corners.

Silence fell over the room till she said, “y’know I love you right?”

“I love you too” you whisper with a smile mirroring hers.

As exhaustive as the day has been…even though it just started you’d never trade it for anything else.

───────┈ · ·

A/n: i just wanted to write something short and sweet for the day; happy valentines dolls!

Taglist: @manfuckthisimout @bambishaven @femme-historian @furrytaesss @milanyas @highnfemme @5seos

Dividers- @dollywons

[creature-wizard]

Found some stories from people who realized their SRA/repressed memory therapists were a bunch of quacks. Lots of CWs for talk of severe abuse and some occasional disturbing activities. If you can stomach it, it's worth a read because it shows just how bad these therapists could get with malpractice and quackery. If you don't want to read the whole thing, here's some key takeaways:

Many therapists just decided their patients had repressed memories. The patients were not allowed to question or disagree with this. The therapists basically flexed their professional authority and told them they were just in denial. Former patient Deborah David described her own experience as being like constantly told that she had once seen a bear climbing a candy cane, told that other people had seen bears on candy canes, and constantly being asked leading questions about her experiences with bears on candy canes, and told that she was in denial if she said she'd never seen one.

Not all patients appear to have been put under hypnosis, but the therapists' insistence that terrible things must have happened to them and their insistence that the only way to heal was to "remember" all of it basically had a number of patients just imagining up all the horrible scenarios they could think of. Former patient Laura Pasley realized after getting out that a number of her "memories" actually came from the book Sybil, the movie Deranged, and from a story she'd written when she was seventeen.

(Worth noting here that a study showed that people who believe they have past lives are more likely to forget where they learned information. It would make a lot of sense if many people who "remembered" SRA under therapists like these have the same issue.)

Many patients were told that their bodies stored memory of this alleged repressed trauma, and any physical sensation they felt was a "body memory" surfacing. So for a hypothetical example, someone who experienced an aching ankle might be told that this is their body "remembering" parental abuse. A patient might imagine a scenario where a parent broke their ankle, and the therapist would treat this as a "recovered" memory.

A number of patients were diagnosed with MPD (as it was called at the time) regardless of whether they initially showed any symptoms. Patients were pushed into "uncovering" these alters that allegedly remembered all the abuse. One patient (Robert Wilson) actually began acting out the alters his therapist told him he had outside of the therapist's office, in some very harmful and destructive ways. (CW for prostitution and animal death if you want to read his story.)

Another patient (Nell Charette) said that while her therapy was ongoing, she had "eight different people telling [her] what to do."

Another patient (Susan) reports:

I mapped an elaborate system, virtually every emotional state or conflicting world view was an alter, plus the male protector and little girl and little boy that went with it. There were sets of 12 for every ego state, complete with names. In the end, I had about 200 "alters." ... Now along with all these alters is the question of how did they get here? Now, we've all heard the story that you can't be this way without severe, repeated, sexual or physical trauma from before you were 5. I'm really pissed about this part, because look how they did this: 1. Your symptoms mean you have MPD, the first step to getting better is to admit this. There is no other thing this could be; if it walks like a duck it's a duck. 2. Since you have MPD, you had to have been sexually/physically/ritually abused. There is no other way you could have this, so you need to admit it to get better. 3. You have to bring these "memories" forward to get better.

This confirms exactly what I've been saying for months: that the mythology of SRA and Project Monarch-type alter programming permits any uncomfortable feeling, any unwanted impulse, and any conflicting beliefs to be attributed to an alter, and therefore to trauma-based mind control, extreme abuse, or whatever you want to call it.

Robert's unfortunate case also confirms that if you go telling a sufficiently unstable person that they have certain alters that do certain things, they will effectively develop them. (This is why convincing a child that they might have a prostitute alter is not only unethical, but also incredibly dangerous!)

If you try and make yourself uncover certain alters, or if someone convinces you that you have them, you will almost certainly "find" them. The simple act of imagining an alter can be enough to make your brain start generating one, or at least something that resembles one close enough to convince people like these therapists.

Many of these former patients describe their mental health deteriorating as their "therapy" progressed. Many who came in without severe issues were completely dysfunctional by the time they left, and if they did have issues when they started, they were exacerbated. This was treated as a part of the healing process, with patients being told that "you have to get worse before you get better" and "the only way out is through."

As retractor Stephanie Krauss put it:

They get hold of this impressive-sounding theory and it goes through some metamorphosis in their minds and is transformed into fact. Then they go treat patients with this new information that only causes more havoc in the lives of persons with normal problems. They have this zeal to treat a disorder that doesn't even exist-at least, not until after treatment starts, and that's when the suffering really begins.

I know brainwashing techniques, and what these people experienced was 100% brainwashing. Each patient had their very sense of self torn apart and each was led to believe that they couldn't trust their own minds. They were led to believe that they had a serious problem that only the therapist - the one with all the power - could fix. They were only "healing" when they complied with the therapist's desires. They were told to cut off anyone who challenged the therapist's narrative.

In other words, the real programmers, the real practitioners of mind control, were the therapists.

[evilfloralfoolery]

omg ofc lucian is based on lestat!! i knew he felt familiar in a way but i didn't get it until now. nice nice. ive only seen the tv show tho so..... now i better read the books ig!!

The books absolutely DESTROY the show. They're phenomenal. But I will warn you . . . the show is nothing like the books. "Opinions" in the tags because of reasons lol.

[lilithofpenandbook]

Seriously how can M*r*uders stans like random Slytherins (who tf are Evan Rosier, Pandora (is that Luna's mum and why tf is she Evan Rosier's twin in half of these), and I don't even want to discuss Regulus) and make them Actually Misunderstood Good People Who Were Forced Down That Path when at least one of them *coughreguluscough* was obsessed with Voldemort

And then turn around and make Snape an awful person?

[candyskiez]

God the jonelias dynamic really is insane huh. What if you'd spent your entire life being blamed for things you didn't do. What if you'd spent your entire life very aware people didn't want you around, that you hurt people just by existing too close to them. You are constantly under the impression you're being judged or mocked or excluded. Everyone else is laughing at a joke and you have no idea what it is. So you sit away from everyone and you pretend you're smarter than them and they just don't get you, so you don't have to admit they just don't like you. Because you don't know how to be likable and you don't think you could be. So clearly they just don't understand what you're saying. Obviously.

And you're searching for answers, for safety, for some way to defend yourself against what could be anywhere. What could just catch you and steal you from yourself and ruin your life, again and again. And someone died in front of you, and you couldn't do anything. You can't shake being that small. That helpless. Sitting on the sidelines, not knowing how to do anything. You want, so badly, to be at the center where you can fix it. Where you won't be small and scared and always hurting. So you join the magnus institute and you meet a man who sees through you.

He treats you like you're special. Like you aren't some stupid, annoying know it all who fumbles through everything. Like you actually know what you're talking about. He takes you seriously. He's dismissive and cagey but he seems fascinated by what you have to say, seems to enjoy prodding you for thoughts. He seems to be interested in you. Really, truly interested in you. You love it. You've never impressed the authority figures in your life. You've never made them think you're special. You are beginning to realize you love feeling like you actually know what you're talking about.

And then he promotes you. You know you aren't qualified. You know your friend could do so much better. But he's so sure that you know what you're doing, he's so sure that you can do this, and that you're the only one who can, and it makes an awful selfish little part of you preen because deep down you want that. You know you shouldn't accept it. You know you absolutely cannot do this and everyone's going to find out, but you want so badly to be taken seriously, to stop being the punchline or the helpless little kid outside that damn door. So you take the promotion, and suddenly the knowledge of all the worst things in the world is at your fingertips. It feels wrong and ugly and it feels right. You don't know how to feel about it.

You learn more about him. He is not a good person. He would kill, willingly, if it meant he got what he want. He sees you terrified and crumbling and tries to put you together again. Like you're something precious. Praises you just for being alive. (How do you deal with that? You always seem to survive on accident. You always seem to survive at the cost of someone else. Yet he smiles at you, like you're incredible, like you deserved it. Like he's impressed with you. You think about it a lot, whenever you can't fall asleep.) He's either soft and professional or cruel and biting. You hate him more and more. He is the only person you have. You desperately wish he wasn't, and you go to him anyway. He could make all of it make sense if you just could push him. But you can't, and he doesn't. But he gives you this approving little nod whenever your humanity slips through your fingers. You think you hate him more every time. You think you hate yourself for being relieved he's not scared. For not blaming you. And then you hate him again for making you this.

And then he's gone. He turned you into something else. Something that nobody wants, that not even the kindest person can put up with, and then he just left you alone. You're starving and you're scared and he's gone and he could make it make sense. But he doesn't. And you think about it. Again and again. You think you hate him for leaving you. You used to wish you'd never see him again. You think there might be something wrong with you.

You finally see him again. He's proud of you. You hate him for it. You demand his guidance, his patience, his anything like you used to. He gives it so much easier than before. Because he's proud. Because you've earned it. Because you're ready. You think you hate him. There's something else, too. Something painful. Something twisted and desperate and born out of the urge to survive and nothing more. It isn't love, but it isn't not love either.

You escape. You're free. You open a statement.

And congratulations. You're special. He favored you. He was intrigued by you, adored you, shaped you with his own hands, all to ruin the world. He tells you it isn't your fault as he uses you to destroy the world. You were the joke the whole time. He used you, like you knew he would, and it was so much worse than it ever imagined. All that fascination, all that adoration, it was all- it wasn't even fake. It just was for the worst reason it possibly could've been. You hate him more than you ever have in that moment, as he praises you, as he's so so proud of you, as he tells you you'll get used to it. You hate him. You hate yourself so much more. You want him dead.

He does not hate you. He finds you as fascinating as he did before. He talks about you like you're a work of art. You might be sick. You think you almost wish he was a good person, that he was anyone else, so you could love it. You think a part of you does, sometimes. That dumb little part of you that never went away. That will always be that starving man that just wants to be taken seriously. You think you always wanted to be the center of attention. Maybe this is his twisted form of love, translated through layers of fears and wanting to hurt.

And even in his last moments, he doesn't hate you. He fears you. He is so very afraid. He doesn't want to die. He begs for his life. But his last words are just....good luck. That's all. Nothing more. The one person you hate more than anything. The one person you wish you never met. And he is the only person who looks at you and feels no anger, no blame, nothing at all. He looks at you stealing everything he's ever worked for, and just says "Good luck." The one person you hate more than anyone else, who ruined your life more than anyone else, and he is the only person who has never blamed you for anything. He is the only person who has ever forgiven you for every horrible, unjustifable thing you've done. He is the only person who looks at you at your worst, betraying everyone you have left, and understands. In some horrible, cruel way, he understands. He does not hate you. You don't know how you wanted him to react. But he's dead. He's gone. And you do not have time to feel about it until you wake up somewhere else.

They don't know yet another reason why you're so upset. They don't know that the only person who could ever truly forgive you, could ever truly understand why you did what you did, was the worst man you'd ever met. And you can never unknow that.

Which I mean. First off, gay. But second off how do you even begin to unpack that. Jesus christ.

[catofoldstones]

Saying that Sansa’s rest of the plot is in the Vale is like saying Arya’s rest of of the plot is in Braavos. Hope that helps.

[pinacoladamatata]

I'm still so mad about the Wyll rewrite actually

[cloudystevie]

bridgerton season 3 sucked absolute ass

[timothyslucy]

if you ever think for a second that nadine is at fault for everything that happens to her in the edge of seventeen, you will be exiled.

[swiftfootedachilles]

trevor saying "this is about you loving all the attention" ........uh. well yeah obviously...... did you miss the part where ian was abused and neglected growing up? do you expect him to hate the attention he got? i need you to be so fr trevor

[llycaons]

if you're writing a romance and the change the character has to go through is so dramatic that they're literally insufferable prior to their development then at a certain point it's like. why bother. darcy from pride and prejudice had to undergo major personality changes, but from his first introduction he was a observant and clever, and he conversed intelligently with elizabeth. he did have obvious flaws but they just made me more interested in how he'd change, it didn't make me want to give the book up in disgust. characters can be at odds, have different goals and perspectives, argue and fight, and even be enemies, but they should both be tolerable presences to read