#He may or may not also yoink his money back

[iamapoopmuffin]

*At a fairground* Yuu: *Staring at a big plushie at a basketball game stand* Floyd: Hey, Shrimpy, you want that thing? I can get it! Stall Runner: Alright, here's how it works, Mr big tall and threatening, one ball in the basket gets you a prize, more baskets means a better prize, all six in gets you the big elephant for your sweetheart. Wanna give it a go? Floyd: *Nods, pays and picks up first basketball* Floyd: *Yeets the basketball at the stall runner's head as hard as he can* Floyd: *Vaults over the stall, grabs the plushie and grab's Yuu's hand* RUN SHRIMPY RUN!

[brucewaynehater101]

I need to put this out into the universe

typically I avoid modern AUs because real world boring

but I inhale them like crack coccaine when it's got reincarnation and past life memories

=======

Basically imagine like Tim living his life on a Boring Plain Earth and then bam, memories of a Gotham that does not exist, heroes that can never be and magics that never were flood his brain; maybe something trigger his memories, maybe it just happens

or mabye it's slow and steady idk

----

So let's say that Bart not only failed on his quest to prevent the Bad Timeline but it got so bad that the planet, maybe even parts or all of the multiverse as they knew it died

And ever since then an Earth just like ours has been recieving reincarnators from that dead world

the heroes, the villains, the rogues, some civillians, etc.

----

There's two ways we can do this. Everyone is human, eventually recieves their memories at some point in time, finds eachother again, and is reassured they aren't insane since so many fellow supers, heroes and villains and rogues alike remember

Because of this they have to live in a world where their abilities used to change the world are pulled from right under them. (powers and maybe even civillian capabilities, money and connections)

The power they held is reduced to the civillians they saved or terroized once up a time

As for ordinary humans like the Bats or Amanda Waller? A plain world is gonna be a learning curve, as is having no supernatural safety nets, but maybe they'll adapt faster

I wonder if Clark feels guilty and thinks he's selfish for the joy he feels now being a normal human like his reborn adoptive parents, despite it being the furthest thing from the truth

Oh yeah, Wonder Woman, she may still be Greece on this new world but any connections she held with the Gods is just like every other person. There now exists a hole where a huge part of her first live's people and culture once were

Aquaman would have it rough, especially with how awful our and thus his new world treats the ocean

also if Damian was made artificially in his past life, imagine Bruce's relief if he were to succeed in having him with Tahlia this go around (assuming he gives a damn about the kid here)

okay but imagine Alfred being the first to wake up past memories, slowly or suddenly, and his POV as the Wayne family comes back together and remembers their own past lives

----

Another route is that they still keep their powers (if they had them) but only by a fraction. The users can tell and still use the power within them, but it's so much less than what they had before

How much power? Enough to maybe change the status quo if they applies their nerfed abilities smartly enough. Maybe. That's how little raw power they have left. Emphasis on the raw, but other aspects of their powers may be nerfed too

THis turns strategists into a more essential boon than ever before, powered folk would find themselves searching, flocking or entangled with reincarnators like Lex or the Bats because they have brains

Oh yeah the Flashes, on one hand, their metabolism is more human, on the other hand all the time they couldda spent thinking is yoinked and their connection to the Speedforce is so little that even if they wanted to, they're incapable of time travelling to restor their old world

Can ✨science✨ undo all this nerfting? If you wanna, sure but I think the answer of "absolutely not" is more fun

----

Circling back to Amanda, I wonder what her view on her new life is/

Would she still go for a government position after remembering everything? What would she strive to do with it?

Would she track down other reincarnators? Which ones in particular? What would she think of them now? Would she involve herself with anyone from her past life?

This depends on which take you have on this AU

In the Wholly Human route, she might only have people who never had any non-human or other special abilities to worry about, the Bats, Joker, the Pengiun, etc.

But if they still have Scraps of Superhumanity? Yeah she's gonna lock into focus with whatever plans she has for this no longer ordinary world.

----

this begs the question of who would see this crueler but less superhuman world as the chance for an ordinary life and take it?

who sees this world and continues to live their new life as they did their first one?

how does being in a world where they and/or other reincarnators are either wholly human or still have a fraction of their power left affect their decisions or views on this wolrd and whatnot?

I'm not gonna get into the logistics of our world suddenly becoming a Superhero Setting-lite, especially with governments or whatnot finding out cuz brain mentling

but also like, the superheroes and vigilantes, if they continue their old way of life, are gonna have to shift from a Superhero way of doing things to more of a Spy genre way of pulling things off

if they still have powers everyone outside of the loop aka not reincarnators will be so confused lol, who these criminals? (cuz methinks they'd get labeled as such)

----

Also there is The Question on if DC exists in their new world or not because the confusion and humor to be spawned from there being a Batman running around ("20 bucks it's a Watchmen irl" "30 it's a prank"), Clark Kent keeping his name after adoption cuz his parents remember ("parents have high hopes for you little hero") and Lex having to pick a different name for his corp cuz of Copyright, and these reincarnators adventuring the DC and Fandom Rabbit Hole

oh god I'd read a whole fic on that last one

But in a "zero DC media" Earth, we could get away with this planet being a lot more like canon, like Bruce being a billionare (and learning the hard way he'll be seen just like Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, etc.),

The Internet would break if they realized their plain world became legit Superhero World-Lite, even more so if there were powers, especially if DC media exists

----

this AU was meant to be reincarnators introspecting on their past lives, coping with being mere civillians with maybe power the rest of the population had not, coming to terms with only barely being able to change the whole wide world anymore, being forced to give up being a super due to circumstances outside their control

but the Superhero Genre Conventions parasitized it lololololol

I find modern AUs to be pretty boring as well. However, I absolutely dig the angst in this one.

All of the DC characters regaining their memories would be devastating. Since they are all "human", this would fuck with some of their concepts of self, identity, and culture. I can't imagine existing in the exact same place I've been and gaining memories that I was different or more than I currently am.

Like, what if some of them never became anything? What if, outside of DC, their lives are miserable? What if it's better?

Also, for those who are happy to be human, I bet that would be an unpopular opinion. Everyone else who's gaining their memories are grieving over a time they just learnt about, but these characters, maybe who have been ostracized or hurt by their abilities, are secretly glad they are human.

There's just so much pain and confusion and lost of self in this AU.

There's also crack (like Bruce Wayne still having a "Brucie" persona even without Batman).

In this AU, if there's no powers, there might still be a need for vigilantes. Just not in the way they are for DC. I can imagine Barbara is hacking and bullying the government, as she should. Bruce is influencing other rich people to weed out who's corrupt, committing heinous crimes, etc. and then utilizing an anonymous persona to turn them in.

I wonder if Joker was living a normal life, he got his memories, and then decided that was way more fun than whatever he was doing before.

The Bats might be fine, but anyone with powers is gonna struggle to do what they did before.

[kudosmyhero]

The Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 1) #57: The Coming of Ka-Zar!

Read Date: January 15, 2023 Cover Date: February 1968 ● Writer: Stan Lee ● Penciler: John Romita ◦ Don Heck ● Inker: Mike Esposito ● Colorist: {uncredited} ● Letterer: Sam Rosen ● Editor: Stan Lee ●

**HERE BE SPOILERS: Skip ahead to the fan art/podcast to avoid spoilers

Reactions As I Read: ● looks like Ka-Zar is back. Have I seen him with Spider-Man yet? Or just Daredevil? I think just DD, because I remember DD being slung unconsious across Zabu's back ● (pg 1) ah yeah, almost forgot! Spidey has amnesia ● Spider-Man yoinks a sandwich from a fancy luncheon on a balcony. That's lunch taken care of, but now he needs to find a place to sleep. ● (pg 2) he finds a ledge to sleep, but it starts to rain

● (pg 3) aww, he sleeps atop a sign in, what is that, Grand Central Station? ● May is crying in bed, unable to sleep. The clock on her bedside table looks like it's nearing 1 a.m. ● she gets up to call Harry again, but she looks a little shaky on her feet… ● …and yup, she hits the deck. (this woman really needs some sort of assisted living) ● (pg 4) JJJ upset that his son allowed Spidey to escape in the previous issue ● (pg 5) Ka-Zar arrives in NYC with Nabu ● (pg 6) Ha! This cabbie

● me, when I get home and can finally take my bra off

● snerk Even though Nabu doesn't attack without command, he leaps up on JJJ on sight. That's legit funny! Page 6 is just full of gold ● (pg 7) JJJ offers Ka-Zar $10,000 to defeat Spider-Man. K doesn't care about the money. JJJ argues that he'll be saving the world from a menace, that no one else has been able to do it. ● K doesn't trust JJJ and wishes he could find Daredevil to consult with, but JJJ manages to convince him ● meanwhile, Harry is worried that Peter disappeared because of how he treated him earlier (I also notice Harry has the same bone structure as Aunt May…) ● he goes into Peter's room to snoop for info ● (pg 8) Harry finds one of the Spider tracers and comes to the conclusion that Spider-Man has kidnapped Peter ● the media runs with that, apparently, as a radio bulletin asks, "Why did the masked mystery man cause the disappearance of young Peter Parker?" ● Spider-Man goes to police headquarters to talk to Colonel Jameson. Captain Stacy is there as well. He admits that he has amnesia. Gwen comes barging in to see if there's been any word about Peter. Of course she blames him for Peter's disappearance as she just heard it on the radio. ● Spidey, realizing he's not going to get any answers, leaves ● meanwhile, Ka-Zar tracks Spider-Man by scent across the city ● Spider-Man goes into JJJ's office to seek answers there ● when JJJ realizes Spidey's memory is gone, he decides to take advantage (I know, surprise, right?) ● Spider-Man almost removes his mask for JJJ when Ka-Zar comes busting through the window ● K lassoes Spidey's foot as he tries to escape through the window, then Spidey pulls K off balance ● Zabu senses K's danger and escapes the hotel room ● Spidey is out of web fluid ● Za-Zar uses a tv aerial to slingshot himself across to Spider-Man ● they take the fight to the ground, then Zabu shows up ● Spidey jumps in the water to escape ● K jumps in to save him ● 👏👏👏

Synopsis: As an amnesiac Spider-Man continues to puzzle over his true identity, and live on the streets, his Aunt May's health gets worse and she collapses. As the authorities and the military debate on how to deal with Spider-Man in light of his assisting Dr. Octopus in the recent past, J. Jonah Jameson is appalled that his own son is defending Spider-Man. When news of the arrival of Ka-Zar and his saber-tooth tiger Zabu in New York, Jameson hires Ka-Zar to track down the wall-crawler.

Meanwhile, Harry Osborn searches Peter's room for some clue that could explain his disappearance and comes across a spider-tracer in Peter's closet. Soon news about Spider-Man's possible involvement in the disappearance of Peter Parker hit the press. When Spider-Man overhears the story, he goes to the police station where he admits to George Stacy, his daughter Gwen and John Jameson that he has amnesia and doesn't remember if he had anything to do with Parker's disappearance.

With Ka-Zar tracking him, Spider-Man decides to visit the Daily Bugle figuring that maybe some newspaper clippings would reveal to him something that might bring back his memory. When confronting Jameson with the fact that he's an amnesiac, Jameson tries to trick Spider-Man into taking off his mask.

Jameson is foiled when Ka-Zar and Zabu smash through the window and a fight between the trio begins. The battle takes them across the city, where eventually Spider-Man is knocked into a pond in Central Park and is knocked unconscious. With Ka-Zar a victor, he pulls Spider-Man out of the water, announcing that their battle is over, forever.

(https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Amazing_Spider-Man_Vol_1_57)

Fan Art: Ka-Zar and Zabu by AlexelZ

Accompanying Podcast: ● Swinging Through Spider-Man - episode 57

● Let's Read Spider-Man - episode 35

[nabanna]

session one

-

MY LAPTOP IS DEAD I'M TRYING TO DO THIS ON MY PHONE EVERYONE FORGOT ABOUT MONEY AND I DON'T HAVE A WEAPON

WE'RE OFF TO A GREAT START

-

we can't keep saying Brown Marth I can't keep saying this help me

-

GM: Is everyone here? J? J: results inconclusive GM: M? M: [disconnects, reconnects, cries loudly] GM: K? K: [chewbacca noise] GM: L? (me): allegedly! GM: B? B: [metal pipe sound effect]

-

now after an hour of troubleshooting and shenanigans we may actually manage to start

-

J: My character is arriving not early, not late, but Exactly when he is required GM: Fashionably early then!

-

GM: B, what is your character- actually hang on, [double checking things] (me): B, WHAT IS your character??? B: How much time do you have? J: [B voice] You see, it all started when I was young...

-

B's character does a silly little yoink and we proceed to spend 37 minutes trying to do math about how rolling skill checks works in this system

We have attempted to alter the system

GM: We are Cthulhu-pilled now

-

We are not putting the wyvern with the horses, not after last time...

That's why horses are extinct in [city/country/continent]

-

We are all eating the Extremely Spicy Meat Jerky

the cat: dying the wyvern autism: dying but like :D the old man: instigating the equivalent of a slap fight the babyfaced lad:

-

Thirty In-Game Minutes of Wyvern Infodumping Later

-

First Combat Instigated!

-

us every 5 minutes: hold up pause how do we play

-

M: Theo runs in to heal you and I need you to know that he does this like a magical girl B: I NEED to put him in my little purse M: So he baps you with his staff and heals you (me): This is important does he also do that like an anime girl J: Kyahh! M: [anime boy healer voice] Take heart!

-

Miyako: You're worth less than a dry cleaning bill J: This fight is so easy it's just like taking candy from a baby- which is fine by me J: I've assigned you kin type Shadow the Hedgehog

-

When King drops out of VC unexpectedly

when he come back

-

B: This is my niche, this is what I'm good at J: My niche is letting you do your niche over and over again

-

-

(making fun of the npc when he's telling the one final surrendering enemy to attack after we took out everyone else, GM affectionately calls us freaks)

Vernon: what do you think I paid you for??

(me): What did I pay you for, APPROACH the FREAKS!!!

-

Vernon: Filth, looking down on me!!

Eliss: [tall and on top of a wyvern, very good at missing the point] I'm looking down at everyone!

-

Somebody said the word "Luck"

Well here I am, continuing the tradition within my friend group of doing little posts whenever we have a TTRPG game. So in the spirit of the game, I say let's...

FIRE THESE EMBLEMS SUNDAY

LIKE TO FIRE

REBLOG TO EMBLEM

(make sure you dodge that crit)

[mc-lukanette]

"Diner AU (Couffaine Family Diner)" Dear gods that sounds wonderfully chaotic! I'm intrigued

It’s based off a comment Zoe made once to me (so I’m absolutely throwing the blame on her for this AU’s existence) about how the “Liberty” logo on the houseboat looks like a diner sign.

And then here’s me yoinking that line like I’ll take that, thank you.

Anarka being sick of all the "standard diners" who were super boring and generic so she made her own.

THE LIBERTY, FREE FROM TRADITIONAL RECIPES AND RULES.

Anarka cooks. Her food's got a certain flair, uniqueness, and bite to it that everyone seems to really enjoy. Sometimes her taste tests are... unorthodox, but no one can say she’s uncreative.

Juleka runs the register. Everyone initially thinks she'd be bad at it, but she's got a mean glare for anyone who tries to cheat the diner out of money or generally flirt with her.

Luka is the waiter. He doesn’t tolerate anyone being rude (disruptive’s fine so long as you’re not bothering anyone; this is Anarka’s restaurant, so people can basically do whatever until someone gets hurt) but he’ll also chide them in the “nicest” words possible and with a calm smile on his face.

Rose is the waitress who may or may not have wanted the job to flirt with Juleka and she and Luka together are like a ray of sunshine. Juleka has no idea that Rose is anything but straight and is very jealous of Luka getting to share the same job as her, and in the same space--!!!

Marinette had come in one day by coincidence, having had a particularly bad day and just looking for someplace to cool down. She’s looking out the window with a worried expression, half-expecting someone she knows to find her and ask for a favor or something.

Luka approaches and waits patiently next to her for her to notice him, and she'll blush very much when she realizes that she's been "ignoring" him "I-I'm sorry!"

He smiles, unbothered. "It's alright. What would you like to drink?"

She pouts, not letting this go. "A glass of you rightfully being upset with me for making you stand there??”

Luka hums, then tells her to wait and walks off. She blinks, embarrassed from before and now confused. She’s heard about this place being non-traditional but they don’t ACTUALLY have a drink like that, right??? What would it even be like??

He ends up coming back with a glass of orange juice and sets it in front of her with a smile. “We don’t have the exact drink you want but this should make you feel better.”

“O-oh... thank--”

“On the house.”

“W-whA--” Marinette sputters. She pushes the drink back in his direction. “You can’t do that!”

He gently nudges it back. “Of course I can. I’m a Couffaine.”

Offended, she pulls out some money and offers it to him. “Here! Take it!”

“I think another table needs me.”

“Hey!”

(oh, and obviously, no staff rules for the Liberty means Luka can flirt all he darn well feels like; no mercy for Marinette)

[m3wllo]

corpse bride au thoughts/hcs/lore bestie?

im so glad you asked! i literally have this almost fully figured out. i need 2 watch corpse bride.

okokokok SO! copy still lives at wammys. wammys is going bankrupt for uh. some fuckin reason idk near keeps blowing money on legos or something. (jk the bills r high and kiras causing issues)

so. wammys offers a collaboration with zayns dads insurance comapny basically like "we'll give you our currently number one successor if you sponser us". which is funny bc the Insurance company (still dont have a name for it) is very pro-kira. and wammys is Not very pro-kira.

it should be noted that zayn and copy r still exes so. snorts. anyways

so yeah stuff happens zayn and copy get engaged and oh look! zayns ring got fucked up somehow and is now like. way WAY too big for him! L

so instead of sending it back copy just. yoinks it and fucks off to the woods 2 practise his vows.

which, may seem weird but. but. copy wasnt planning on staying married to zayn for very long, already having a plan ready to uuhhheheheh (makes a throat cutting motion) zayn.

things go south. kinda.

so copys in the woods and he finds what he believes to be part of a corpse buried in the dirt. and hes like "oh fun practise!"

yada yada That Scene happens sparrow pops out of the dirt (oh right @fabledgalaxies icarus is a part of this lol) like "i do!"

copy gets spooked. very badly. yk how in cartoons there'll be this huge cloud of dust and then a characters like miles away from it? thats Literally what happened with copy.

so funny thing: under certain circumstances copy kinda. looses the ability to hear things. his brain just. forces him to block out noises with the exception of his own breathing and heartbeat.

so he runs to this bridge thinking hes far away enough from sparrow and stops running to catch his breath. and wouldntcha know it sparrow is Right Behind Him! and ccopy ofc cant hear a damn thing

so he like. taps copy on the shoulder, which causes copy to freak the fuck out and his AT fields go fucking WILD man almost disolves into LCL for a sec. but he ends up clipping through the bridge and almost falling into the water. i say almost bc sparrow caught him. lol

and copys freaked out bc he didnt expect A, a body to be attached to the arm and B, the body being sentient.

and thats all ive got so far! btw reaver is Also involved with this somehow. i know how in my mind but. hold on

so sparrow drags copy 2 his husband, reaver, like "look what i found :D"

so yeah husband of my husband is also my husband. no idea what happens after all of this (yes i do but. yknow) edit: hiiii its 10:30 am i wanted 2 add the entire time copys spritinign through the woods in fear sparrow is keeping a very calm walking pace like right behind him

[vinaity]

May I request Byakuya dating headcanons?

Of course Anon! Byakuya is fine af~

(Also, my first time writing for Byakuya! Even if it's headcanons!)

- Byakuya Togami, the Ultimate Affluent Progeny, is a very, very stubborn man.

- And he'll make that very clear, even when you only had a crush on him.

- He's a tough cookie to break, but once he realised that and actually wants to be in a romantic relationship; he tries to be open.

- But his instincts from the past kick in and he hides his feelings instead.

- If you read his backstory, you know.

- Do not, and I mean do not, force him to open up. That'll make him hate you very much.

- But his emotional detachment doesn't mean he doesn't love you; he just doesn't know how to show it.

- So what's showing love to him?

- Absolutely spoiling you.

- He tells you not to expect anything fancy and not to let it get to your head that you're only with him for money.

- PDA is a no no.

- He is a very private lover, loves to show affection when it's only you two or his butler is with him.

- But when Toko or Genocide try to hurt you.

- Nyoom, he's there with a protective arm around your waist telling her about how much of a pest she is.

- But over time, she learns to accept that she isn't gonna be with her master.

- He likes to be hugged and spooned, hates to admit it; but loves the snuggles secretly.

- He never realised how touch starved he was until he was dating you.

- And because of that, all affection is private as he doesn't like other people seeing him vulnerable.

- He may be a ass to everyone

- But behind closed doors, he is a big tsundere and you generally find it adorable.

- He's not the 'uwu baby tsundere' too, more like Saiki K tsundere.

- He loves kissing your cheek though.

- The lips are saved for intimate af times and the more private times.

- He gets jealous a lot, especially around the other CEO's at company events.

- Those times are the very little times he'll do PDA, but that's if someone invades your boundaries

- He hates to admit it, but when you yoink his glasses and wear them

- He finds it to be the most cutest thing ever

- Usually when you do, he'll scold you and take his glasses back; but when he leans down to grab the glasses you can see the faint blush on his cheeks.

- Especially if you take them while he's working or distracted, that's how you get him to blush furiously, looking away before going after you.

- But it's a win win for you, you get to see him without his glasses

- and OH BOY he's hot without his glasses 😳

- But in summary, he's a tough cookie to break; but when you're in a relationship, you realise how much you love him. Not for being an asshole, but because how he is behind closed doors.

[chandelier-s-notebook]

Welcome to Chandelier does another fucking prompt list!!!!

And it’s in addition to consistent story uploads. Y’all gonna get something at 9am everyday of June, and something at a random time later in the afternoon.

This time I'm using @crowfootwrites' June List Day 1: Suit

*A note to Crow. Hello! I am an MCYT Writer. Feel free to stop by my tagging of your whenever you feel like it.

Set in a Villain AU created by @olde-scratch their original post

If anyone wants to be part of a taglist of the Villain AU, feel free to message me/send an ask.

Taglist: @sleepysnails

“Klupa” means “Bench” btw, I just tossed it through Google Translate.

-----------------------------

Hero Report

Page 1

Date: June 1st, 2021 Hero Reporting: Nightmare Patrol Time: 22:00 to 6:00

Had a run in with one of the Klupa boys, they were at the 24h Cupcakery on 6th street, and were harassing the employ, Nihachu, for something to eat. I spared Theseus twenty bucks and told them to keep the change. They even bought me a cupcake before I went on my way.

Does anybody know their real world identities yet? They look on the young side; I’d rather nothing bad happens to them. It hurts to see kids so young needing to resort to petty crime to survive.

I also bumped into SBI. They picked up their deposit left by 404 in the prior patrol. I managed to grab the briefcase, but the money was already taken and presumably dispersed among the men. I wasn’t able to apprehend them.

I got close to Burr but he let go of the briefcase to get away. And The Blade proceeded to smoke me, so I wasn’t able to give chase. But I was able to retrieve some of the money back, and they are one smoke bomb poorer.

The rest of the night was uneventful. I stopped a robbery on 9th Street.

[CONT]

- - -

Time: 21:30, May 31st, 2021

Tommy was having a good day. 404 had made good on his promise. He had left a briefcase with one million dollars in the homeless shelter’s food stores.

Tommy had watched 404 come in and leave it. The personal information Tubbo had managed to siphon was good enough blackmail to get them this. Ranboo hadn’t actually ever gotten a buyer lined up, but it was the threat that counts.

“How much are we leaving again?”

“Twenty-five hundred thousand.”

Tommy dropped to the floor once the coast was clear and unzipped his backpack. He separated out three quarters of the cash and left the briefcase right there.

“Do we have to leave it?” Ranboo asked over the frequency. “We could really use that money.”

“You know if we weren’t so charitable we wouldn’t need the extra cash.”

“Shut up man.”

“I’m just saying.” Tommy takes out a fresh smoke bomb, and places it next to the money. “Do you ever feel back for those guys?”

“Who? The Sleepy Bois? No not really.”

“But like. What did they ever do?”

“Nothing.”

“Exactly! Why do they get all the credit?”

“Because we’re orphaned high schoolers,” Tubbo said dryly. “Because if we aren’t even on the suspect list then we aren’t gonna get caught.”

“Okay,” Tommy relented. “But those are like, super incompetent, what’s our plan when they finally get caught?”

Silence washed over the comms as Tommy yoinked a bag of chips and got out of there.

“Is keeping the three of them out of jail even worth it?”

“Yes,” Tubbo said. “It’s worth it. Investing in their safety is beneficially to us.”

“Okay. I’ll meet you guys at the Cupcakery. Theseus out.”

 Time: 22:47, May 31st, 2021

Tubbo and Ranboo are in the Cupcakery on 6th Street when Tommy walks in knives out. “I want a French chocolate swirl lady!”

Niki took a moment to process the demand. Here she was having a lovely conversation with two of her most favourite late night customers, and now the third was threatening her with a knife. “Excuse me?”

“French chocolate swirl. Hand it over. I’m in the mood for some sweets. Don’t make me ask twice!”

Niki finally put her hands up. Tubbo and Ranboo were in their civilian clothing and played the part of worried shoppers. “Do you have money?” she asked, scared.

“I have a knife.”

And that was the moment a hero walked into the building.

Ah.

Tommy had spotted Nightmare on the way here.

“Theseus.”

Tommy whirled around. Backing into the counter, acting more scared than he actually was.

“What are you doing kid?” Nightmare asked exasperated.

“M’ not a kid!”

“Yeah yeah.” Nightmare was already reaching into the back pocket for his wallet. He took about a crisp twenty. “Put the knife away kid. Buy yourself the cupcake.”

“Oh.” Tommy reached out for the twenty; eyes shifting looking around for the trap. He had a 750k ransom in his backpack, and there was always a chance Nightmare had found them out. Even with the SBI decoy. He snatched the cash. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome kid. Stop harassing Niki here, and keep the change.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

Nightmare, clearly satisfied with his diffusion of the situation, nodded to Niki.

“Would you like a cupcake?”

“Excuse me?”

“Nevermind.”

“I mean if you’re offering.”

“Two French chocolate swirls please!”

Niki pulled out two cupcakes stiffly and took the twenty. She put them and the change on the counter.

Nightmare tipped an invisible hat to Niki before leaving. “Think you’re suit needs some dry cleaning Theseus.”

“Because I can afford it!” Tommy bantered back. The door bell rung as the hero left. “Oh of these days my comments are going to get me killed, I know. Shush Tubbo.” Tommy lowered his green bandana and took a bite of his cupcake. “Sorry for pulling a knife on you Niki.”

“It’s fine. I know you won’t hurt me.”

“What the fuck Tommy!”

“Oh shut up Tubbo. I had it under control.”

“You’re going to be our downfall,” Ranboo said.

“You guys are the ones telling Niki!”

“Yeah but it’s Niki.”

“Yeah Tommy. I’m just Niki.”

“You’re right that was rude. I’m sorry Niki.”

Niki took out a cloth and wiped Tommy’s crumbs away. “You boys get home. Isn’t it a school night?”

The three fourteen year olds groaned.

“Bye Niki.”

“Don’t get caught.”

Tommy handed Ranboo his backpack.

Tubbo and Ranboo packed their homework into Tubbo’s backpack and their loose stationary with the money in Ranboo’s. They waved to Niki and walked back to their shotty little apartment.

Tommy put his bandana over his mouth and nose, and readjusted his red blazer. He left through the front door back towards the trade cite. He was needed to save SBI’s assess from Nightmare.

He flicked his steel throwing cards around his hands. He hoped it’ll go well. He needed this to go well.

- - -

Time: 23:00, May 31st, 2021

Wilbur read the instructions he had written on the inside of this arm one more time. “There is a briefcase with 250k. Disperse it among the three of you. When Nightmare arrives at 23:15 for the meeting time of 0:00, hold the briefcase and run like hell. You should have the money on your person, don’t let him catch any of you and ditch the briefcase if need be.”

“I still don’t get how we managed to get this money,” Philza said on the way to the homeless shelter’s food storage facility.”

“Don’t question it.”

“But, like, it said it was a ransom for blackmail. We don’t have any blackmail on anybody.”

“Don’t question it.”

“Guys can you focus? We have a mission to accomplish.”

“Techno, you gotta admit that we’re shit.”

“We are shit. But Nightmare doesn’t know that. And I’m not turning down 250k.”

- - -

Time: 23:58, May 31st, 2021

Shit. Tommy had need to graze Nightmare’s ankle with his ace of clubs for Burr to escape.

Nightmare was clearly put out that he hadn’t been able to catch the SBI. He left the storage facility empty briefcase in hand, and clearly put out.

Nightmare bent down and picked up the throwing card from under an aisle.

If there was one thing Tommy hated the most out of this whole, pretend the SBI are the ones doing the things that the Klupa Boys are doing, it’s that Burr gets credit for Tommy’s amazing feats.

“In case either of you are awake and on comms. The SBI had a clean escape, but I’m down a card.”

- - -

[CONT]

Notes: The SBI are still at large and are a danger to the people of Braidingston. Be advised that they might still ask for more money depending on the contents of their information. Order French chocolate swirls from the Cupcakery on 6th Street at the next office party.

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

The BNHA Group Chat Fic Nobody Asked For

Pairings: Todoroki Touya (Dabi)/Mr Compress (Sako Atsuhiro), Shimura Tenko (Shigaraki Tomura)/Chisaki Kai (Overhaul)/Kurono Hari (Chrono), Yamada Hizashi (Present Mic)/Aizawa Shouta (Eraserhead)/Shirakumo Oboro (Loud Cloud), Fukukado Emi (Ms. Joke)/Kayama Nemuri (Midnight), Bakugo Katsuki/Kaminari  Denki/Kirishima Eijiro, Iida Tenya/Monoma Neito/ Aoyama Yuuga

Word Count: 1,529 Words

Summary: Hitoshi goes home, an Aizawa-Yamada fashion show happens, the Todoroki-Yukimura family is having issues, and the Provisional Licensing Exam happens.

Warnings: Injury Mention, Food Mention, Cursing, Fire Mention, Trauma Mention, Arranged Marriage Mention, Caps, Half Blind Character, Deaf Characters, Mostly Mute Character (due to a different medical issue), Selectively Mute Character, let me know if I should add anything else.

Notes: Yes, I know they met The Big 3 already, but I'm rearranging and Aizawa introduced 1-A to The Big 3 before the Provisional Licensing Exam because he wanted to inspire them to achieve their best in the exam, even the L.O.V. kids. Also, the fight between Midoriya and Bakugou never happened.

Usernames: We Are Number One™ Aizawa: Dadzawa, Aoyama: immafiringmahlaser, Ashido: princessbubblegumknockoff, Asui: Galvan, Iida: Emergency Exit, Uraraka: 9.8, Ojiro: tailfloof, Kaminari: Pichu, Kirishima: baby shark, Koda: youredoingamazingsweetie, Sato: GuyFieriIsGod, Shoji: Cthulhu, Jirou: Jack Skellington, Sero: Spider-Man, Tokoyami: EdgarAllanCrows, Todoroki: WHERE?, Hagakure: cena, Bakugo: WHAT?, Midoriya: SmolMight, Mineta: Mineta, Shinsou: exhausted, Yaoyorozu: TheGreatCreator, Kurono: stopwatch, Chisaki: donthugmeimscared, Yukimura: choticgaydisaster, Bubaigawara: shadowclonejutsu, Shimura: idontfeelsogood, Awase: illrememberyouallintherapy, Kaibara: IDOWHATIWANT, Kamakiri: scyther, Kuroiro: itsmeyaboy, Kendo: Akimichi, Kodai: deadinside, Komori: shroomgurl, Shiozaki: wElCoMeToBiBlEsTuDiEs, Shishida: furry, Shoda: cryptid, Tsunotori: mylittlepony, Tsubaraba: airbender, Tetsutetsu: Iron Man, Tokage: t-rex costume, Fukidashi: glorifiedtextbubble, Honenuki: Eren Jaeger/spookyscaryskeletons, Bondo: Slimer, Monoma: HopeSummers, Yanagi: iLiEdImDyInGiNsIdE, Rin: snek, Toga: mystique, Sako: lostmymarbles, Hikiishi: queenofmagnetism, Iguchi: eye gucci, Shinokanri: stardust

Usernames: Emos Anonymous Kaminari: blackcloakedbrides, Shoji: fryingpan, Jirou: greentwentyfourhours, Tokoyami: myscientificinfatuation, Todoroki: twentyoneplotpoints, Bakugo: immobileinwhite, Midoriya: falldownboy, Shinsou: stabtheveil, Kurono: inhalecarolina, Chisaki: plummetingininverse, Yukimura: anxietyintheclub, Shimura: nappingwithsirens, Kuroiro: thousandfootcane, Kodai: marianaspit, Monoma: entiretimelow, Yanagi: recentyearsday, Sako: halfminutetomars, Aizawa: hollywoodlivingdead, Shouji: fryingpan, Kurono: inhalecarolina, Aoyama: phantomtown, Honenuki: visualizedragon, Sako: halfminutetomars, Awase: distressparade, Shinokanri: simplestrategy

Usernames: UA Teachers Are Tired™ Eraserhead/Aizawa: grumpy scarf cat, Present Mic/Yamada: screeching cockatiel, Midnight/Nemuri: chaotic goth gay Ingenium/Iida: gotta go fast, AllMight/Toshinori: actual sunshine, Vlad King/Kan: bloody hell, Power Loader/Majima: speechtotext, Ectoplasm: needalegup?, Snipe: kazoo cowboy, Cementoss: concrete block, Blackmist/Kurogiri: goth portals

Shopping, Licenses, and Interships-Chapter 7

7:45 AM

We Are Number One™

exhausted: I'm goin home today bitches! they're finally releasing back upon this pitiful world after a week!

Dadzawa: and he's getting transferred to 1a today too.

chaoticgaydisaster: do you remember who did this, Hitoshi?

exhausted: no, I wish I did, but I don't. I only get flashes. My head got hit too hard I guess but I don't remember what happened well enough to know who did it.

exhausted: can we talk about literally anything else?

WHERE?: kay. how bout, do you want to go to the store with me and Touya later? we're getting our foods for the week. we can pick you up some stuff too.

exhausted: coolio. I need to pick up some stuff.

WHERE?: tell me a list so you don't forget anything, Hito. me and Tou always write our lists down, we'll write your stuff down too.

exhausted: kay. so I need rice, eggs, onions, scallions, tsuyu sauce, beef, chicken, shrimp, and pork for my lunches and you can bet your ass I'm picking up at least two other meal things but I haven't decided yet because the rest are dinners and I need my Mom's input.

Dadzawa: today's dinner is takoyaki and gyoza, tomorrow is your choice, Tuesday is oden and tempura, Wednesday me and your Dad need to agree on, Thursday is yakisoba-pan and ramen, Friday is your choice again, and Saturday is soba and curry bread.

exhausted: Eri already picked her two dinners?

stardust: yup!

exhausted: I'd have to say Monday is soba and yakitori and Friday is okonomiyaki and korokke.

Dadzawa: News from your Dad, Wednesday will be katsudon and onigiri.

stardust: WOOHOO!

exhausted: Yayy!

exhausted: let's go shopping, bitches.

WHERE?: Woo! Shopping day!

chaoticgaydisaster: We're going to the mall also btw.

exhausted: good, I need to get more clothes, half of mine are gone because of M****a.

WHERE?: time to spend my dad's money on nice clothes for my best friend.

exhausted: I love you, dude.

WHERE?: Love you too, Hito, now, let's go shopping.

2:46 PM

We Are Number One™

Dadzawa: Ah, that's where my son went today.

exhausted: it was fun, I got new sports bras.

Dadzawa: finally, we can burn the ones that are so old they're falling apart.

exhausted: they were spares!

Dadzawa: still burning them. love you, kid.

exhausted: hey, wait for me. I wanna burn them too!

3:17 PM

Izukrew

SmolMight: Is anyone else really concerned about Hitoshi? I mean, he got attacked and he won't say anything about it.

WHERE?: Izuku, I'm concerned, but it's none of our business.

SmolMight: You know what happened, don't you?

WHERE?: I may as well. But I'm not at liberty to say and Hitoshi doesn't need this right now. He went through something traumatic and I won't have you dredging it up again yet. He deserves to have more than a week to recover.

SmolMight: He'll be fine though, right?

WHERE?: He'll be okay. He's got all his friends and we'll help him no matter what happens.

SmolMight: We'll be the best damn friends to him ever!

4:41 PM

We Are Number One™

tailfloof: what's with the radio silence from all the former L.O.V.?

Emergency Exit: Kai had an allergic reaction so Tenko and Hari are with him in the ER. Atsuhiro had a meltdown and Touya is with him, Jin got hurt during a training drill yesterday and is being healed by Recovery Girl still, Himiko and Eri are at the their doctor today, Tami is working on changing her name legally today, and Shuichi is accompanying Tami.

tailfloof: Thank you inspector Iida for this enlightening information.

6:52 PM

We Are Number One™

exhausted: Mom, fashion show. I got new clothes.

Dadzawa: I know, I'm waiting in my room, Toshi. so is your Dad, Eri, and Ayane.

exhausted: Hells yeah! Family fashion show. I got a bunch of leggings.

Dadzawa: you can't just wear leggings, Toshi.

exhausted: And yet I do.

Dadzawa: you are an insufferable little gremlin child and you're lucky that I love you.

exhausted: That's the point.

8:39 PM

Trauma? Yeet. Memes? Yoink.

lapis: So how are the girls?

vulpix: All are good, they went to the store with us for food shopping.

wine: all happy.

thermostat: Good, I was worried because we haven't seen any of you in a week.

vulpix: yup. How are things back home?

thermostat: Well, it's okay. Nothing's changed much.

wine: what happened?

thermostat: Dad's setting me up for an arranged marriage now.

lapis: time to come home and beat our father's head in.

thermostat: Please don't, I don't want any of you going to jail over this.

wine: fine, but only because I respect your choices. but I will intervene if shit goes down.

vulpix: How are you okay with this?

thermostat: I'm not, but I don't want my brothers getting in trouble for me and me having to visit you idiots in a prison instead of at a school.

vulpix: As long as you know you can come to us if anything. And I mean ANYTHING happens to hurt you.

thermostat: I will, don't worry. And I'm taking care of the girls tomorrow because of you two's exam so I'll take them to school for you boys.

8:16 AM

We Are Number One™

cena: WHO'S READY FOR THIS LICENSING EXAM!???!!!!

Cthulhu: literally everyone???

spookyscaryskeletons: Good luck, you guys!

princessbubblegumknockoff: good luck yot you guys too! have fun at y'all's exam!

exhausted: Have fun you guys!

Dadzawa: Child, you fill M****a's place. You're going to take the exam today with 1-A.

exhausted: Gimme a minute. Just a minor heart attack.

exhausted: WHAT THE FUCK!? I'm not ready! Mom, you gotta pull me from it! I can't do this!

donthugmeimscared: And all of us LOVs started at UA less than a month ago! You can't expect us to be able to pass!

Dadzawa: I'm sure you'll all be fine. I have faith in you. Now get on the bus, I'll be down with my son's present in a few minutes.

8:25 AM

We Are Number One™

cena: Todoroki is asleep again. Both of the twins are.

EdgarAllanCrows: what have I done to deserve such adorable goth best friends?

shadowclonejutsu: And I thought one twin was cute, turns out both are.

lostmymarbles: Firstly, they're IDENTICAL twins. Secondly, don't you hit on my man, Jin, or you'll lose an arm.

shadowclonejutsu: Alright, alright. Not flirting, just saying. I'm with Iggi.

eye gucci: Dam straight.

shadowclonejutsu: *Dam gay.

eye gucci: You right tho.

4:17 PM

We Are Number One™

WHERE?: I can't believe we failed.

WHAT?: It wasn't even my fault! I was a nice bastard! I didn't scare them, they're just wimps!

chaoticgaydisaster: I can't believe I need to retake that.

idontfeelsogood: I only failed because of a technicality, why are you all complaing!

Akimichi: What technicality?

idontfeelsogood: I may have blown up the rock beneath me by accident because I got startled by Gang Orca showing up and hurt one of the fake civilians a little bit...?

stopwatch: Darling.

idontfeelsogood: And then I broke my left knee and sprained my right from falling and couldn't continue to compete.

stopwatch: There we go. The fake civilians said they weren't mad, they know they startled you and it was fine, but you hurt yourself and couldn't continue so you had to be disqualified to prevent you from injuring yourself even more.

idontfeelsogood: I woulda been better as a villain. I can't even save someone without something going wrong.

Dadzawa: I already told you that you all can retake the exam soon so there's no harm done. And your legs should heal up by the time of the next exam, Tenko, don't worry. You are not better off as a villain, you do have good in you, I can see it. You're doing your best, keep doing it, and we'll all be here for you when you aren't able to.

idontfeelsogood: Hang on, I'm gonna cry really quick.

stopwatch: I am hugging my boyfriend as we speak!

donthugmeimscared: As am I!

HopeSummers: Only me and Himi failed from our class, didn't have enough power to get through it all.

Iron Man: we're all proud of you both for trying your hardest, though!

mystique: And we all appreciate your support, guys.

9:14 AM

We Are Number One™

cena: 3 of the Big Six!

mylittlepony: The other three from the Big Six are here!

cena: INTERNSHIPS!

donthugmeimscared: Great, another thing that none of us are gonna be able to do because no agency in their right mind would ever want us.

Dadzawa: I've already matched you all to agencies that would love to have you there. It's tapes to your dorm doors. Have fun picking, children. And Toshi, you're in my agency with Light Splitter and Biolumina and all of the like.

exhausted: I love my Mom. Have I ever told you all how much I love my Mom? Because it's a lot. And entire fucking lot.

Dadzawa: yes, you have. you brag your Mom is the best ever a lot. you've done it since you were about two.

exhausted: And my point still stands thirteen years later. Must be a winning arguement.

Taglist: @logan-sanders-enthusiast @luckyicekitsune @whippedbel @lgbtforeverything @pinecone-chomper @mikmacmoo @wasinotwantedatthisexactsecond @purplespiderstormcloud @stankyratman @king-of-the-oranges @headcannons-and-random-things @fear-ze-queer @turtleluv799 @ymmm-someone

[finalvlog-a]

–   CHARACTER STUDY.

LAYER 001 :    THE OUTSIDE.

NAME  :       alex josiah ‘aj’ kalinsky

EYE   COLOUR  :      green

HAIR   STYLE   /   COLOUR  :      brunette / curly if left to grow, keeps it short

HEIGHT  :      5′7 

CLOTHING   STYLE  :    thrift store special ; v-neck shirts , plaid flannel , etc

BEST   PHYSICAL   FEATURE  :      sad puppy eyes 

LAYER 002 :    THE  INSIDE.

FEARS  :      pre-hope county alex was worried about his friends getting hurt when they go out on jobs , worried about not having enough money to pay them + get by . during hope county events he’s REALLY worried about his friend’s safety and for everyone else as well.

GUILTY   PLEASURE  :     candy of the gummy variety and energy drinks , he knows both are bad for him but now and then he just gets a craving.

BIGGEST   PET   PEEVE  :      anyone trying to talk about people he cares about behind their backs in a negative fashion , trying to spread rumors , general misinformation . he also hates when someone tries to twist words and manipulate information to their advantage.

AMBITIONS   FOR   THE   FUTURE  :     he’d just secured a job out of country before going to hope county , so travel was always one of the things he desperately wanted to do . he was hoping to push online journalism and vlog-style documentaries as a legitimate avenue for people to explore as news options.

LAYER 003 :   THOUGHTS.

FIRST   THOUGHTS   WAKING   UP  :     zero thoughts, full autopilot for working out .

WHAT   THEY   THINK   ABOUT   MOST  :      pre-hope county , the vlog and their online statistics and the cases they’re working . during hope county his friends and whether they’re okay or not.

WHAT   THEY   THINK   ABOUT   BEFORE   BED  :      pre-hope county it’s usually what he forgot to do for the day . during hope county it’s everything he’s done wrong ; how he got them into this mess , how his friends may be dead because of him , how much he hurts.

WHAT   THEY   THINK   THEIR   BEST   QUALITY   IS  :     alex doesn’t think he has a best quality , if asked he’ll say that he’s able to talk to most anyone though.

LAYER 004 :    WHAT’S BETTER ?

SINGLE   OR   GROUP   DATES  :      either or , but you’re more likely to see authentic alex one-on-one whereas in a group setting his online personality is at the forefront.

TO   BE   LOVED   OR   RESPECTED  :    respected.

BEAUTY   OR   BRAINS  :      brains.

DOGS   OR   CATS  :      both seem neat.

LAYER 005 :    DO THEY…

LIE  :      he’ll lie by omission if anything , this is because he’s really bad about lying and will get mixed up in a lie so he keeps things as close to the truth as he can.

BELIEVE   IN   THEMSELVES  :     imposter’s syndrome to the extreme . despite having a successful online business and being relatively well known for what he does he’s very much faking it. you wouldn’t know that he doesn’t believe in himself just by looking at him.

BELIEVE   IN   LOVE  :      he believes it’s a thing , and loves his friends , but never seems to think about how people love him.

WANT   SOMEONE  :      he has his two best friends , he’s very much dependent on other people without wanting to admit it.

LAYER 006 :    HAVE THEY EVER…

BEEN   ON   STAGE  :      the internet is the most harrowing stage one can be on.

DONE   DRUGS  :      nope.

CHANGED   WHO   THEY   WERE   TO   FIT   IN  :    [gestures wildly at his online personality] he doesn’t necessarily change who he is , but he definitely plays up certain attributes for the audience.

LAYER 007 :    FAVOURITES.

FAVOURITE   COLOURS  :      reds , blues, grays to wear.

FAVOURITE   ANIMAL  :      he really likes birds , especially birds of prey like falcons and hawks. otherwise he thinks red panda’s are hilariously adorable.

FAVOURITE   BOOK  :      he’s fond of sherlock holmes , to no one’s surprise . he likes micro-stories he can read in one sitting , suspenseful or atmospheric pieces.

FAVOURITE   GAME  :      not much of a gamer but he enjoys any games he can play with his friends.

LAYER 008 :    AGE.

DAY   THEIR   NEXT   BIRTHDAY   WILL   BE  :     november 24th

HOW   OLD   WILL   THEY   BE  :      23 during inside eden’s gate events.

LAYER 010 :    FINISH THE SENTENCE.

I LOVE  :      my friends.

I FEEL  :      responsible.

I HIDE  :      everything.

I MISS  :      the way things used to be.

I WISH  :      i could have another chance.

TAGGED BY :   *yoinked* from @pocketknlves specifically TAGGING :    @walridiing , @dcputyrook​ , @iscariotsdeputy​ , @grandzealot​ , + anyone who bothered to read this!

[canned-spam33]

SIX OF CROWS SPOILER WARNING

Strap yourselves in SoC fans, I'm about to give a lengthy and frankly unasked for explanation for why I like Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, Bastard of the Barrel best. I feel like I owe the probably worried people on Amino this explanation, although they probably will never find this :)

To start, I want to make note of how he is such a consistent character throughout the series. In plenty of other YA novels, the character will often act, well, out of character in order to acheive a goal in the plot or to establish romance or drama. Kazzy boy, though? He has this steaming truckload of fucked up trauma (not only in his childhood, but his "adult" life too) which stays with him even as he proceeds throughout the story. Not only that, but his ideals, as twisted as they may be, are constant. For example, throughout the actual heist on the Ice Court, he maintained his calm composure. The only time we really see this disappear is when he obviously blacks out in the prison carriage and when he frees Pekka.

Kaz also always has a drive forward. Whether it be that sweet, sweet Kruge, or his Wraith, he never loses sight of what he wants. He will do anything it takes to acheive his goal. "Brick by Brick" is one of his main philosophies(?) and its what keeps him from destroying an entire city with his bare hands, which he may not be able to do but will damn well try. When they meet with Yikes Van Eck and Inej gets yoinked, Kaz tells the rest of the Crows something along the lines of "Im gonna get my money and im gonna get my girl." Kaz always mentions that greed is a lever to use and manipulate people with, but it seems that Kaz is both the manipulator and the mark. Basically, his greed is both his own weapon and one of his deepest vunerabilities.

Kaz Brekker is a smart and cunning character. We all know this, and if you know anything about me, you know that I love the clever foxes (or on this case, the cunning crows.) The way that Kaz formulates his plans almost reminds me of an engineer or even a writer. He described his plot of winning the Auction as a spiky monster of a plan, and as he puzzled over it, the plan seemed to even itself out into a nice paved road. As I watched him reveal the inner workings of his plans, I felt the clockwork tick in his brain. They exploded into a million comprehensible pieces like a digital blueprint and he pieced them back together with a nice bow. His gambling on people's feelings and emotions makes true gamblers envious, as he is always right. He seems to always be several steps ahead of his victims, just like Bardugo herself. I was captivated by his thieving fingers and stayed for his meticulous and precise planning.

This little shit has kept me up for weeks reading everything I possible can about him. I spent hours creating bad fanart for this guy. I love him, as awful of a person as he is. Kudos to Bardugo and everyone who wonderfully supported her.

Y'all can probably expect another one of these within the next few days. I wanna talk about Jesper next, but we'll see 👀

[severusdefender]

With a Bunch of AUs Combined, I am CAPTAIN PLANET-W8, wrong fandom

(Askbox is too small so I guess it’s time to show my AU spewing username I guess lol 0///0 hi…)

AUs & HCs: NotaMarauder!Remus (Possible Future Snupin) + Jily Didn’t Date-Marry Drunk1NiteStand to make Harry + DiffDads Lily&Petunia + Resurrected FaeLily AU

A Post Idea So Long that it’s almost like a Fic Outline: An AU where Remus was never a Marauder could actually is super interesting, because it has a spiraling implications on canon. Remus, Severus and Lily is like the sweet trifecta of book & magic nerds. Also like, being friends with Remus would drive Sev to research Werewolf remedies and care? Also be Concerned about his friend’s life.

But like, I’m not sure that Lily and Sev would do the exact same thing that the CanonMarauders do (learn to be Animagi and leave the Shrieking Shack w/ Remus even when he’s not supposed to). Maybe Severus trying to make Wolfsbane more accessible/cheaper? Or better yet, both him and Lily approach this like ethical scientists.

But on the other hand as a frequent consumer of Werewolf fiction I don’t really like how traditional and human-centric the version of Werewolves that JKR used in her ‘verse? Like, what is a werewolf like when they’re emotionally stable, feel secure, healthy? Why would they be hostile to humans in general? Why generalized feral hostility? Is it actually ingrained or a result of underlying mishandling of socialization/emotional-social support? Because obviously, Canon!James who turned into a freaking Stag didn’t get eaten so there must be something to the state of Lycanthropy. Is it a possibly segue into being a Skinwalker? Lost or suppressed information?

Would Lupin theoretically be able to keep his mind and not attack his friends or have the choice overall with better, calmer support?

Back to the AU, something that would keep Lily from drifting out of her friendship with Severus could be Remus? I’m remembering that whole, Remus Morality post thing you referenced a while back. And intense loyalty seems like a thing Remus could bring to the table? I’m not sure how else not being a Marauder would affect his personality though. Thoughts?

But since Sirius doesn’t have a Werewolf to Prank Severus with anymore I wonder what would happen then? Would it be more James or Sirius or Peter trying to snoop into where the three go during the full moon nearly every month? How would that spiral? Sev and Lily trying to close ranks around Remus, whom they don’t quite know if Dumbledore is willing to back that horse for too long compared to those with “higher” status like, James & Sirius?

Maybe a part of Sev’s radicalization that drove a spike between his and Remus’ friendship could be Severus trying to court Remus to the Dark Lord’s party? Because they were recruiting both poor and marginalized populations after all, also I *think* Remus is a pureblood technically? I forget. And Remus would’ve gotten so PISSED because he knows that would be condoning/supporting all the bad things people say about Lily, one of his only other very close friends, plus a bunch of other bad things that DEs are doing. 

The friendship split between Lily and Severus would be longer, more protracted and hurtful, not just one big blowup and a final death knell slip of the tongue. But Lily and Remus trying to reel their friend back in on top of all their other baggage (they are destined, by social constructs and WW societal standards, for mediocrity, struggle and poverty after all) and Failing. And that hurts.

And when they all graduate, Lily shortly after joins the Order, or is invited because I guess they want skilled people, and Lily Was Exceptional. But she brings along Remus, who James, Sirius & Peter (and an 4th OC or something if we need to replace, but not really tbh) may distrust him because of the thing that happened when they followed? If James /actually/ changed (that Felix Felicis-enhanced talking thing) though he might be not be shitty about it though, but I can’t really imagine Sirius letting it go what with his terrible maladaptive coping mechanisms and all. Remus might get outed among the Order, maybe, idk. That could sow distrust of him, and why they don’t tell when they shove Lily and James into a cottage with their Bastard child together in hiding.

Then it goes like that from canon, Peter is made Secret Keeper, with Sirius as the obvious decoy keeper. Severus tries to curry favor from his grunt position as a DE and accidentally spells the death knell for his estranged friend Lily, is flipped when he finallyyyy realized he’d done super-fucked up and goes to Dumbledore.

Then James & Lily get attacked by Voldie & DEs, James takes a couple DEs down before dying via AK, Lily had been researching a bunch of dark/new magic things to protect herself and her kid (who she deliberated on and eventually decided to keep). She takes a bunch of DEs down, and gives Voldemort a run for his money, but lets down her guard when Peter shows up because up until this point, despite the bad blood in school, she’s known him as a comrade in the Order.

Peter basically cripples her in a surprise attack, and then Voldemort comes up to gloat, monologue and eventually finish the job. Lily spits in his face while dying.

The underlying new ritual/shield/magic-whatever Lily cooked up while in hiding goes on not quite as planned because it overlaps with Voldemort’s accidental-Horcrux making that basically ghostifies him. But Lily still dies the first time. 

Cue Sirius getting falsely accused and Azkaban’d, Harry going to the Dursleys because supposed Blood Wards (which actually would be fine with just Harry himself and what he considers home I guess, maybe). Remus gets cut out of the picture because of his financial and career instability, also Werewolfism and other dumb prejudice, so he’s out of the loop and isn’t told about Sev being a flipped spy either. 

Cue a few years later, turns out that Lily’s biodad is actually a Fae of some kind that she had minor contact with him through postcards and letters during her life. But eventually, he pitched in on some magical doohickery for the magical design stuff she did while in hiding in Godric’s Hollow. Then everything kicks off again a mostly Amnesiac FaeLily crawls out of her grave and gets a burning treewand branch of a Groot-Arm.

Somehow this culminates FaeLily accidentally getting the band back together and yoinking Harry. Then cue shenanigans and reconciliation and character development/interactions and possibly romantic Snupin and maybe an earned happy ending somewhere because my heart is soft and I’m a total weenie and this post got way longer than I thought it’d be lol. Overall thoughts? Impressions? Anything I missed while stringing these half-baked ideas together? X3

Thanks for reading and responding to so many of my posts. Your takes and posts are always a delight to read! <3333

Part2 of the AU Multi-fecta Thing I Sent Earlier

Some stuff I forgot:

-Tempted to name this Sweet Insane Combo of an AU: 2 Gryffindors and a Slytherin Walk into a Traincar

-Maybe add some shades of the Cons of Cokeworth AU idea (yes I sent that too, I’m literally a neverending fountain of AUs and theories for literally every fandom I get into, it’s a gift). –Lily constantly worries over money (Petunia’s biodad’s the gambler?) and is bitter over the way society is structured, leading her to grow into an excellent, Hard-working Con & Swindler-of-those-that-deserve-it (like how she’s been fleecing James, Sirius, Peter and others for all 7 of her Hogwarts years while trying to maintain good PR without being known as a money grubber or a thief bc Anonymity is Key)

-TBH i feel like she’d just cook up a plan to live with her 2 friends after school because “it’s cheaper” and she figures that they could’ve kept up the Werewolf research stuff easier by being housemates, but hilariously and sadly forgetting to tell said 2 friends about her plans before starting to work her ass off to scrape up as much money as possible. –“We all know Rems would guilt himself into living like a fucking hobo, and Cokeworth is a place where dreams go to die, so of course we’re getting a fucking house.”

-Yanno, then the AU-version of the Friendship split and Voldemort faction gains even more traction with the 1st WW Civil War going on.

-Trawling through the wiki again, Remus’ parents basically isolated him a pretty unhealthy amount I feel (like they probably thought they were doing the right thing at the time, which solved an immediate problem, but ends up compounding into a long-term host of issues)? Which I don’t think did Lupin’s socialization and emotional stabilitygrowth sloshing down into his Werewolf form any favors perhaps?

-So basically Remus refused to move back in with his dad (because he didn’t want to burden his dad I guess), despite him being alive, so Remus living in poverty-plus probably in and out of homelessess as well as the medical and security complications of being a werewolf without access to necessary resources? Also okay I forgot that Remus was a Halfblood too, whoops

-There’s an Irony in that Severus is the most human (species-wise) between the 3 AU Friends, what with Werewolf!Remus and Post-Resurrection Fae!Lily

-There’d be a whole mystery as to the intentions of Lily’s mysterious Fae Parent father(?), which may or may not be good intentions, they just don’t really know atm

…Okay I think that’s it… Whew, thoughts?

X'3

Nice to finally meet you @markala5 

ok wow this is a lot. first of all i love it and it feels whole so i don’t know what i can say. it’s the found family trope subverted a little because things fall apart but they get back together when lily is resurrected. and voldemort and his death eaters get to be the big bad. plus dumbledore as the leader of the order who is starting to realise that harry needs to end voldemort and his horcruxes but lily can’t imagine letting her child do that because she’s grown to love him after forgetting him so instead of the golden trio, it’s lily, severus and remus finding the horcruxes but harry needs to die and the three of them are frantically researching a solution but it needs to happen. they send him off in a manner similar to canon except they’re alive and later they see harry’s body and he’s so small and it’s so heartbreaking until he runs from the death eaters. 

this au has so much potential

[shewasanamericangirl]

screamin bout zi-o 36

i had fun doing this last week, so let’s make another screencap post! of course, i said that, and then it took several days to upload all the pictures because tumblr just stops fucking working sometimes. anyhoo! it’s yuko kitajima roast hour. image-heavy and spoiler-heavy, naturally.

so ginga blew everyone up and they ran away to a sewer it seems.

honestly that theory makes as much sense as anything else on this booty ass fuckin’ kamen rider show

i was just like...he isn’t

but then he was

swartz: she could step on me in those red pumps and i’d say Thank You

hora: i regret so much right now

uhr: *shonen anime character walking down the street pose*

then over quartzer plays and im starting to feel a little lost because i don’t get to hear about the episode according to woz’s book? hello??

yuko’s still out gettin her spa treatments and shit, god only knows how she got the money for all that, and somehow she never crosses paths with the cops or anyone who recognizes her from the news?? uh

honestly yeah?? a queen deserves to look GOOD. her theme music is eerily sexy, i need an mp3 of it right now

don’t get me wrong, im well aware that swartz is being a suck-up to try and get yuko to help with his plan to seize ginga’s power, but damn im kinda shipping swartz with yuko now too...i mean, he WAS looking at her while doing the sexy ice cream thing last week. what flavor ice cream would yuko be? black cherry chip maybe?

(headcanon: woz tries apple pie ice cream and declares it a crime against both apple pie and ice cream alike--but he still eats the whole coneful)

hora and uhr get ZA WARUDO’D down the stairs by swartz

we were all uhr right here

yeaaaaaah she just doesn’t want to fight ginga

tsukuyomi’s a mood. someone put a band-aid on geiz’s forehead pls

ok woz i get that if you’re looking for a despotic ruler to follow that yuko is likely a better bet than sougo, but you’re missing an important detail: if yuko actually had a shot at becoming queen of everything, she’d already have one of you in tow, and you would most likely hate each other.

...majou means “demon queen” in this case, not “witch”, right?

aaaaaand this...is the moment when yuko started making me very uncomfortable. the way she responds: “yes...i do remember. it’s you.”

and sougo’s face just lights up--my guy, she could so easily be lying. she didn’t say one thing about the band-aid or the playground or anything that’d indicate she’s actually sougo’s crush.

like...if not for the fact that sougo had such a crush on the seifuku girl, it wouldn’t be all that major a memory. it likely wasn’t for the girl in question--just a happy sunny day cheering up a lonely little boy. a beautiful memory, yes...but memories fade.

can someone please explain to me why woz’s characterization is all over the place in kiva arc? are you pro-yuko or anti-yuko, woz? i don’t understand what’s going through his pretty head at all honestly. he gets pretty taciturn in the scenes he’s not inhaling pie, but then at times he seems to think yuko’s cool aaaaaagh i don’t know

junichiro: meowing, just wanted an excuse to cook lots of food

sougo: “yay, uncle’s cooking!”

woz: [deadpan monotone] “yaaaaaaay uncle’s cooking...”

ive had enough of this evil bitch honestly but when she points it’s still Good Shit

ridiculous move name, but also an awesome move name

and turning to stone to heal up while the sun’s clouded over? very cool

denied

i noped so hard at this part. like...i really do feel protective of sougo. yuko doesn’t give a damn about him, she just doesn’t want him to get in her way.

nope. no. nuh uh. you two step away from each other right now.

YOU CANNOT MAKE BABIES WITH AN IDIOT FETUS

ok but in all seriousness, do you want time jackers? because, im calling it now, letting oma zi-o go in raw is how you get time jackers.

yeah im pretty sure miho would’ve kept at it if she’d lived, and yuko...shes not gonna listen to sougo

thank you for the much needed reality check furry man

so she’s a...fu-joshi? 👀

☝☝☝

yuko wears such fabulous shoes

was anyone surprised at this point that yuko was the real killer? i sure wasn’t. not after all the obvious lies.

i love her leitmotif. i need it. where do i download

SHE DIDN’T PROMISE SHIT

hey kids! it’s time for *mashes play button* la-la-la lies! yeah, tell me that you love me! la-la-la-lies! look deep into my eyes! la-la-la-lies! say there’s no one else above me! i’m the king of fools, cuz baby, you’re the queen of actually very hurtful and manipulative lies!

that’s such bullshit

now im the last person to be like “don’t play the dead mommy card”--i practically keep that card in the hello kitty wallet my dead mommy gave me. but i bet you yuko’s mom is just fine (aside from living with the trauma of knowing her daughter’s a murderer and pathological liar).

sougo,,,,,pls

thank you tsukuyomi. god sougo really needs a chaperone with yuko around, he’s way too dumb and thirsty.

GUESS WHO’S BACK. BACK AGAIN. fortunately, it seems swartz and woz have been just standing there watching him for the duration of the rain shower.

lest we forget (because i didn’t screencap it), when zi-o took the brunt of ginga’s attack earlier, it sent him flying. now, that’s a human body, which has some ability to absorb force because it’s mostly pretty soft and fluid. yuko’s manhole cover almost completely absorbed this blast--she barely shifted her weight on impact. is it just that she’s THAT ripped? 

then The Boys rider kick ginga to oblivion. rip ginga, you didn’t have a personality or a character arc, we never even saw you un-transformed--you were just a cool looking plot device with pretty attacks. but for that much, we appreciate you!

swartz looks so pleased with himself. he must not have watched the preview for this episode.

YOINK! gotta love how swartz doesn’t look surprised so much as puzzled.

sure am glad kurowoz took his other self’s advice and kept an eye on swartz

i love it so much how woz just has these magic scarf powers and it needs no explanation? hell, he can fly and time travel and make people fall asleep and he’s super strong too, with no explanation? and he’s the comic relief? ALSO HE’S REALLY HOT? woz is a being to behold honestly

speaking of super strong and really hot, yuko is KILLING IT in that gown. i mean...i guess that’s the intention. killing it. cuz she’s a homicidal maniac. haha.

she’s so good at pointing. yuko could be a prosecutor in shuichi kitaoka: ace attorney. (FUND IT)

yuko throws her manhole cover at the boys (rude!) and next we see geiz holding it. a shame we don’t get to see him snatch it out of midair. or did woz catch it and just hand it to him? we may never know.

zi-o. listen to geiz, zi-o. use the fucking watch. just use the watch, zi-o. you seriously plan on just letting another kiva go on a killing spree? do you not get by now what she’s capable of?

thank goodness zi-o has his retainers to make wise decisions so he doesn’t have to.

please note the placement of mars on ginga woz’s suit. very important.

I Love You

lmao

WHERE IS YOUR MANHOLE COVER NOW

my favorite character gets a beautiful rainbow final attack. i feel so blessed.

i mean...protecting all mankind would probably include protecting them from people like yuko. just sayin.

is it bad of me that my immediate thought right then was “at least woz’s attack wasn’t what did her in.”

this shot, especially in the context of the church, definitely gave me pieta vibes--albeit reversed somewhat.

weirdly enough, woz does an outro instead of an intro this episode.

at this point while watching, i said to shylax “you know what this calls for? pie!” but before i could finish--

--PIE! cmon sougo, it’s time to gobble up your feelings!

fucking woz, i swear, you have pie in your mouth and pie in your right hand and pie on your FACE and when your overlord expresses how miserable he is you just go for his uneaten pie with your empty hand.

...is it normal to eat pie like this in japan? because the only times i’ve seen americans make this much of a mess eating pie is when they’re toddlers.

oh hey, what do you know? looks like sougo’s first love wasn’t a violent crazy person after all. she also wasn’t yuko.

sougo’s just an idiot who will mistake any older woman who rubs him on the chin and calls him cute for his sailor girl.

previews!

i blame joshua kiryu

how eloquently this one line sums up not only kamen rider zi-o but kamen rider decade as well. that’s it, that’s the show. that’s the clusterfuck we will inevitably get whenever toei decides to make a kamen rider crossover.

LOOK AT THIS! TSUKUYOMI REMEMBERED SOMETHING! who is she smiling at? is it her dad? is that swartz behind her?! omg baby tsukuyomi is so CUTE!

“a team”. uh huh. is that what the youth are calling it these days? cuz when i was a wee lass, i believe they called it “fucking”.

so what have we learned this week?

very little about ginga

sougo does not remember faces all that well

before sougo dates ANYONE that person should be fully vetted by junichiro, geiz, tsukuyomi, and woz because CLEARLY HE CANNOT SAFELY CHOOSE A PARTNER FOR HIMSELF

i still really like yuko as a character, if not as a person. same as i enjoy junji ito manga, but would be very upset if most of it happened in real life.

swartz loves a woman who can kick his ass

what the fuck are manhole covers in this world

i can’t wait for baby tsukuyomi flashbacks! that, and more tsukasa.

[dietaku]

Amazing Quest 1: Chapter 4

The fourth chapter. You know how it is. Thanks for reading!

Chapter 4: 2 Million Leagues Under the Sea!- We get another sepia tone flashback, this time of an only slightly-younger Hiro and Emilia. Emilia: Well… your form is good. But you swing your sword like a little girl. Hiro: I don’t like hurting people, sis. Besides, everyone knows YOU’RE the messiah the Pudding tribe has awaited! I’m only here because mom had that bottle of aged tequila lying around. Emilia: That has nothing to do with anything! You need to have more confidence! … Wait, I got just the ticket! Emilia runs behind Hiro and plays with his hair. Hiro: Um. What’re you doing? Emilia: I’m giving you a Pudding Warrior Knot in your hair. It’s an ancient custom of our tribe that when a Pudding Warrior comes of age, he gets one! Hiro: Oh. That’s pretty neat. Emilia finishes, presenting the now French braided hero, Hiro, we know now. Hiro: Somehow I feel more fabulous than before. Can’t quite place my finger on it. Emilia: It’s perfect! You’ll be beating up Dark Puddings before you know it! The scene fades, then returns, Hiro, Ozma, Kimyawa and Loyroll laid out on a beach. Hiro: Ungh. I wonder why I never dream in color. Hiro gets up and the others join him. You’ll soon discover this area is only one screen wide, so you’re left to exhaust every possibility until you investigate the water. Not just any water, though, the ONE specific square, just to the left of center. Many players wasted HOURS trying to find this event flag, and many people wrongly believed it was an anti-piracy measure. Nope. Just shoddy programming. The mermaid from before surfaces. Mermaid: So, thief, ready to pay up? Ozma: Hey! We don’t even HAVE a thief in this party! Hiro: Just a reasonable facsimile. Loyroll: You flatter me, as always. Mermaid: You yoinked the goods from that place without paying its rightful owner! Kimyawa: Isn’t that technically liberating it? Mermaid: QUIT CHANGING THE TOPIC! Kimyawa: What’s your name, Stranger-chan? Mermaid: I’m Mancala! Call me Manny and I’ll punch ya in the mug, got it?! I’m the number one marine merchant mermaid you’ll ever see in the sea! Ozma: Meh, mehmehmeh? Mancala: Ignoring that. The point is you took stolen property. So I’m gonna maroon you here until you pay up! Hiro: (Great. Now what do we do?!) You then get a prompt which can result in some different dialogue options. 1) Barter 2) Lie 3) Beg -Barter- Hiro: Okay. It was just a few things. Can’t be THAT expensive. What’s the tab? Mancala: Well… since you asked so nicely! Mancala brandishes an abacus and begins calculating. Mancala: The items total net value, plus the emotional damage to this delicate mermaid, plus interest, plus tax not withheld, plus tax withheld, social security, deducting the “asked so nicely” fee… it all tallies up to a measly 36 trillion gold! Ozma: Can I crush her head like an overripe melon? Hiro: T-trillion?! Are you MAD?! Mancala: If you’re nice, I’ll even include the “cute boy” deduction! That would knock it all the way down to 34! Loyroll: And certainly a deduction for yours truly, if I may be so bold? Mancala: I’m not into girls. … Much. Loyroll: Pardon? Hiro: There’s no way we have that much. That price is absurd. I refuse. Mancala: SAY WHAT NOW?! -Lie- Hiro: What if I told you I know of a great treasure?! It’d more than make up the difference! Mancala: Okay, I’m listening now. Kimyawa: Hiro-ni-chan! You DO?! You’ve been holding out on us?! Ozma: Hiro, how could you?! Loyroll: Most unfabulous of you, my friend. Hiro: … Mancala: … Hiro: Err. Friendship is a sacred treasure, above all material wealth in the Pudding society! Ozma: (So it was just a lie…) Mancala: *Sigh* -Beg- Hiro: Please don’t make me beg. I am not a proud man. Ozma, Kimyawa & Mancala: (This is about to get really hot…) Hiro: (Suddenly, my pride is flaring up within me and I don’t know why…) Loyroll: Well? We’re waiting. Hiro: On second thought, I think I’ll just take a moment to absorb the scenery instead. Mancala: (Darn…) Regardless of your choice, it comes back to here afterward. Mancala: This isn’t getting us anywhere! Hiro: Is there no way to come to an agreement on this? Mancala: Well… you could be my servants for a while! Y’know, help with this, that and the other for a bit and we could call it square! Hiro: I somehow get the impression you’re more ambitious than that. Mancala: Aww, you flirt~! Hiro: (Not the intended reaction. Why does it feel like my life is in danger now?) Ozma & Kimyawa: *Stare* Hiro: At any rate, we don’t have the kind of money on-hand to pay. So I guess we’ve no choice. Mancala: Well, you’re in luck! I just so happened to overhear some of the Dark Puddings talking about the Water Talisman. Hiro: You did? Where is it now?! Mancala: In the Octopus Garden. It’s some ancient ruins not far from my hometown, Mermania. Regrettably, those have been locked up tight since far back as anyone can remember. But I just so happen to know some juicy gossip that may lead us to a key. The Legendary Ice Key! Hiro: Sounds like a lead! Ozma: Or a diversion from the main plot. Poh-tay-toe, pah-tah-tow. Mancala: Either way, I need some henchmen and you need the talisman, right?! I knew it soon as I saw that birthmark! Hiro takes a moment to examine himself. Hiro: Okay, seriously, where is this birthmark you people keep going on about and why do I not see it? Mancala: But that whole “air-breather” problem�� there’s only one fix for that! Hiro: Oh no, not another racket… Mancala: Calm down, calm down. It’s a Mermaid’s Kiss! Hiro: Oh. Is that some kind of stone? Or maybe a plant? Or— Mancala leaps from the water, her tail morphs into legs, allowing her to glomp Hiro. Accompanying in a loud, cartoonish “SMOOCH” sound effect, which always gets a giggle out of me. Hiro: W-whoa. That was… brusque. Ozma: *Furious* Kimyawa: *Envious* Loyroll: *Yawns* Are we ready to go now? Then we can enter the water and dive to the underwater map. Though, thanks to aquatic canyons, we can’t just go anywhere we want… yet. Our first stop is down south a ways at Mermania, a recurring city throughout the franchise. There, we can get the “Bikni” armors for our female party members, which give a serviceable boost in defense to each. Hiro and Loyroll can get the “Trnks” which are a step up, but not as huge of one. How does an armor that covers less protect more? It is one of the long, lost legendary mysteries of JRPGs. Anyways, if we talk around at the merchant’s guild here, we’ll learn that Mancala has lost her trader’s license 17 different times due to “questionable practices”. The others roll their eyes when they learn this news but refrain from commenting. After talking to enough merfolk, Mancala fans out from the party. Mancala: Okay! We got everything we need? The legendary ice key is held in the underwater volcano! Hiro: I’d question the physical possibilities but somehow I feel like I’d just be encouraging you at this point. Mancala: Oh, don’t be so glum, chum! It’s pretty much a straight line there! … With a few curves and bumps. And a giant, angry dragon at the bottom. Hiro: Ah. There’s the hitch. I was waiting for that. Loyroll: Slaying a dragon? It’s a tad cliché but I think we can handle that! Mancala: Then what’re we waiting for?! Let’s do it! Ozma: What? You mean stroll up to the dragon and punch it in the face? Mancala: … Yes? Ozma: Metal. Kimyawa: Sugoi, Ozma-chan! At this point we can move back to the ocean floor and the cave in the top-right area is open now. Had we gone he previously, Hiro would’ve met the Giant Sentient Block, a really existential gag that plagues AQ players for years to come. In fact, in the early-internet era, whether this pseudo-character even existed was up for debate, as most of his appearances in this game are very easily missed. The cave itself is pretty straight-forward, except about midway, where the current puzzles spell out great confusion for those who tried to brute force the puzzles, which would flush them down a comically oversized pit where you’d battle the Toilet Snake monster, which is obsessed with poison attacks. Otherwise, the local monsters like the Munchkinfish, Seaweeder, and Poof Fish are actually quite weak compared to other monsters around this level. Here you can find a Coral Abacus for Mancala, replacing the nonsense “TmSn” Abacus she comes with normally (the Japanese name is “Termite Snack” and I guess they were okay with letting everyone assume it meant “Thompson” or something!). Afterward, you just press on down the stairs… up until you enter the gameshow chamber. Yeah, that’s not a joke. The party fans out and stands behind a podium as a huge, anime octopus-man plops down in a suit and tie. Octopus: Welcome, ladies and gentlefish to Amazing Quest: The Game Show: The Video Game: Home Edition v. 1992! I’m your host, Otto! And you lucky heroes are in for a treat today! You get to try my quiz game challenge! Win and you’ll receive fabulous prizes! Fail and you get… well, nothing! Are we ready to play?! We then get a prompt of “Squid yeah!” or “Fin no!”, but obviously the game won’t let you progress until you at least TRY, so, yeah… Otto: Question 1 will be an easy one to get your feet wet! What tribe is Hiro from? We get a prompt between “Pudding”, “Protagonist” and “Team Laser Explosion”. The answer is quite obvious. Otto: Correct! Question 2: What is Ozma’s family name? This one is a little trickier, being given the possible answers “Trouble”, “Tohrubble” and “Toruble”. Just be aware of what her name REALLY is, and you’ll be fine. Otto: Great job! Really kraken ‘em up! Question 3: What mystical artifacts, when united, unleash a great and terrible power? The answers this time are: “The DisKord Stones”, “Hell’s Bells”, and “The Talismans”. Interestingly enough, the other options are shout-outs to DOS-era adventure titles, which AQ4 later also shouts out to. Otto: Whooo! Now we’re gilly getting into it! Question 4: What elemental affinity is the first boss of this game? The prompt is just Fire, Water and Pie, so the answer is obviously water as it was the monster in Fog Tower. If you say Pie, Otto’s arms drop to his sides, as he turns to face the player directly and will stare at you for 10 tedious, unnerving seconds before prompting you to try again. Otto: ALRIGHT! Last one and this one separates the squids from the suckers! Question 5: Which of these is NOT an element of magic?! The answer prompt this time is four options wide, including: “Music”, “Emotion”, “Boobs” and “Food”. You’d only know the answer to this if you read the instruction booklet – which specifically references the elements of magic in the AQ universe. This is kind of a jerk move by the game devs, as losing the manual in the early SNES era was a foregone conclusion by all but the most dedicated collectors. The answer is technically food, but the AQ manga series actually contradicts this during the “Great Pudding Cook-Off” arc. Otto: N-no way! What an amazing contestant we had on the show! Everyone, put your fins together for our new winners! A bunch of fish suddenly leap-on screen and shake about excitedly as the SNES strains to emulate the sound of uproaring applause. Then they retreat to whence they came. Otto: How do you feel? Hiro: A little drunk? Otto: YOU HEARD IT HERE, FOLKS! Now, enjoy your fabulous prizes! For answering all five correct, we get 3 “Fishy Hats” which are helmet upgrades that anyone in the party can put on. We’re then booted from the quiz room and resume our trek through for a few more rooms up until we reach the boss chamber. There, there’s a huge hole in the center of the room, glowing red. Hiro: I have to assume this is where the dragon awaits us. Mancala: Better go up and check just to be sure, Hiro! We’ll wait back here, where it’s safe! Hiro: *Sigh* Very well. One moment. Hiro walks to the lip and looks down. Hiro: Deep. But I don’t see anything. Hiro kicks a small stone from the lip down below, then puts a hand to his ear to listen for it. Hiro: … Deep. Very deep. But I still don’t— The screen begins violently shaking. Hiro: Well, I’ve been wrong before. -Boss Fight!- Trench Serpent LP: 7500 MP: 1000 This gigantic beast is a real threat at last! I hope you took the time to level up on your way here! Your best bet is use Kimyawa’s Fox Flip, if you’re leveled high enough to have it by now, which can briefly confuse the monster to some considerable effect. However, it mandates being quite a bit over-leveled to use here, so she may be money ahead to spam the Mirror of Kii. The serpent’s most dangerous move is “COWABUNGA!” which sends a killer tidal wave over the party – never mind that we’re already underwater during this fight. Your Pudding Swirls should be sufficient, provided you’re not careless. If you monitor your HP burn, you should come out on top. -Boss Fight!- Hiro: Whew… that was surprising. Mancala: Look! The Ice Key! A banana in a block of ice floats down to Hiro’s hands. Hiro: I lack the words. As usual. Mancala: We have it! Now we can go to the Octopus’ Garden! Hiro: Tell me it’s not a quiz game. Mancala: Probably not! Loyroll: Life is far more fun when you never know what comes next, right? Hiro: I guess so. At this point we –can- go on to the next area, if we wanted to. However, a hilarious and easily-missed Easter egg awaits those who return back to Zaius and Heston. The people gather at a neutral ground once you walk into one of the cities. Hiro: Okay. Everyone. Watch very carefully. I’m gonna bring peaceful resolution to this once and for all. Hiro brandishes his sword, then cuts the Ice Key clean in half. Mancala: HIRO! WHAT THE HELL?! Hiro: Just watch. This is going some place. Hiro takes the banana free of the ice, then peels it from center-out on both ends. Crowd: WHAT?! N-no way! No one has ever… how did he DO THAT?! Hiro: See? Now you understand: there’s more than just two ways to do something! And each is equally valid. And now we all learned an important lesson, right? Crowd: HE HAS ANGERED THE VOLCANO GODS! Hiro: Beg pardon? The camera pans out as a nearby mountain erupts into a volcano, the magma pours out and wipes out both villages in a flash. It then cuts back to the party. Mancala: Oh. Right. This place is ruled by the twin brother gods of volcanoes: Rilk and Klir. They also had very particular food habits. And banana peeling was one of their sacred doctrines. Hiro: … How was I supposed to know that? So with two more destroyed cities under our belts, we find the Melted Blade, a new sword for Hiro as we return to the sea for the Octopus Garden. The garden is a 3D maze, using a really curious fixed-perspective isometric view and water spouts that move Hiro up and down as you run through. People have wasted HOURS of their lives here due to the numerous deadends and confusing layout. This is also only the first screen. The second area has moving platforms which Hiro must traverse in order to cross a river. For some reason, this ordeal seems quite nostalgic, doesn’t it? The third area introduces the garden’s true gimmick – the octopus jars and the red and blue octopi. When you get here, the party fans out. Mancala: Ah. I’ve heard of this room. We have to approach it from a certain angle! Hiro: I don’t suppose you know what it is? Mancala: Grandma said this: red octopi are friendly and will pull you near them for a closer look! Blue octopi are shy and if approached, will politely move you away from their homes! But don’t fear – neither will harm you! Hiro: What on Earth does THAT mean?! Mancala: I dunno. Why? Hiro: … Kimyawa: Nii-chan, I think I understand! The octopi-tachi are different colors here. Red will pull us near from far away and blue will push us from near to far. And the room is full of holes in the floor. So, to progress, we need octopi-tachi to move us from one spot to another. Hiro: So the riddle lies in the color and the distance. I see. This is the most head-scratching moments in the game, not due to the base mechanics, but to how fiendishly clever the rooms that lie ahead really are. As explained, red octopi reach out three or four spaces ahead to grab us, but will ignore us if we’re one or two spaces out from them, and blue octopi ignore us at distances of three or greater, and will move us away from them three to four spaces if we approach. Using this knowledge we must move about the map step by step to progress. The first room is very simple and just a test of how each works. The second room adds more walls and holes in the floor to test your critical thinking. The third room adds floors that collapse once stepped on (which reset if you leave and come back) and the final room adds conveyer belts for a touch of twitch-reflex testing! Even with random encounters turned off for these moments, this still routinely gets ranked in the top 5 most hair-pullingly frustrating dungeons in the series. Once you get to the end, we see another pit not unlike the underwater volcano end area. Mancala: Oh? Is this the center area of the Octopus Garden? Ozma: Ugh. Not a recolor boss fight. How uncreative can you get? The area rumbles as a large, purple Trench Serpent rises from below. Kimyawa: Ozma-chan, Snake-san didn’t like that comment. Hiro: Get ready, everyone! Before the battle can begin, something flashes across the screen, and the serpent roars, sinking back into the abyss. Hiro: Wait, what? Who was that?! ?: Light Puddings! Prepare yourselves! Ozma: Uh. Strictly speaking only one among us is a Pudding! A tall, slender man with an oversized tower shield on each arm stands before the party. Man: I am Praetorian Mih! Hiro: Of course you are. Loyroll: I understand your frustration, my friend, but you must admit, he’s got style! Mih: You’ve done enough damage, Light Pudding! It’s time your little escapade— Hiro: Excuse me. Mih: What? Hiro: How are you breathing right now? Did you kiss a mermaid too? Mih: Huh? Hiro: We’re underwater, so I just wanted to know if we did the same thing is all or if there was a better way. Mih: Kiss a mermaid? What are you on about? Everyone knows mermaids aren’t real. Mancala: *Ahem* Mih: Bah! I tire of this. Enough banter! Have at you! -Boss Battle!- Praetorian Mih LP: 8800 MP: 750 Praetorian Mih is every bit the human wall his massive design and dual-wielding shields might indicate, coupled with by far the most LP of anything we’ve yet encountered. The best thing to do is to use Ozma’s Table Flip in hopes it reduces this giant’s defenses and use Pudding Swirl with Hiro and Kimyawa in order to give him the offensive edge needed to compete. Loyroll should use the Mirror of Kii, exploiting Mih’s middling magic defenses. Mih’s most annoying ability will be “Safe & Sound”, a special technique accompanied by an unusually cool trumpet solo which will render him virtually invincible for two rounds before he opens up with a party-wide physical blow. However, if you can weather this, he has a 3 turn cooldown on the ability, so he cannot spam it. You’ll have to play the endurance game just as much as he does, but if you keep it up, you’ll send him packing. -Boss Battle!- Mih: Hahaha! Not bad. Not bad at all. But it will take way more than that to defeat the Human Wall, Praetorian Mih! Hiro: How many more times are you going to introduce yourself?! Loyroll: It seems our unstoppable tempo has met with an unmoving mountain! Kimyawa: Nii-chan, I think you’re mixing your metaphors. Ozma: Don’t give up. I have an idea! But I’ll need your help, Mancala! Mancala: Huh? Uh. Okay! Lay it on me! What’s the plan?! Ozma palms Mancala’s head in her hand. Mancala: Eh? Wait, what— Ozma then hurls Mancala head-first into Mih, who slides back as she impacts, coming to the rim of the pit behind him. Mancala falls flat, stars circling her head. Mancala: BARF! Mih: Hahahaa! You must be truly desperate to resort to such flailing, desperate measures! Ozma: Oh, am I? Mih: Huh? What did you…? Oh no! Mih panics, desperately attempting to run as the cliff below him gives out and he plummets into the pit below. After a few seconds of a whistling, falling sound, we hear a violent crash below. Kimyawa: Yatta! Hiro: That was, uh, a creative way of dealing with that. Ozma: I’m pretty pleased with myself. Mancala: My poor head… I’m gonna feel that for weeks! Ozma: Oh, walk it off. Mancala: How do you walk off a headache?! Hiro: C’mon, guys. The water talisman must be… huh? Do you guys hear something? The area rumbles distantly. Suddenly, an explosion rockets up from the pit, sending the party skyward. Hiro: He exploded?! Loyroll: Not just him! The serpent too! Hiro: BECAUSE THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE, RIGHT?! Something shiny flies among the party. Kimyawa: Sugoi! The water talisman! Guy-nii-chan! Ozma: I got it! Ozma grabs Mancala’s tail and swings her around, causing Mancala to grab it. Mancala: STOP THAT, YOU CRAZY BITCH! Ozma: But it just feels SO RIGHT! How can it be wrong?! Ozma learns the Dual Tech – Fish Slap! She’ll grab Mancala’s tail and swing her about like a flail, dealing great damage to a single target. This move deals water-type damage. And we get the Water Talisman! Ozma: The important thing is that we got the Water Talisman now, right? Hiro: No! The important thing is that we’re ABOUT TO FALL AND DIE!!! Ozma: Such a gloomy gus… The party is then viewed falling, crash-landing in a seaside village on the opposite side of one of the underwater canyons that previously prevented our passage from Mermania. They pick themselves up and survey the town. Mancala: Oh! I know where this is! This is Trackland, the town known for its enormous race track and horrible, crippling gambling debt! Hiro: That seems… informative. Never heard of a place that bagged on their own town when they were naming it. Ozma: Might as well have a look around. I don’t see anything else we can do for now. Here we can buy some upgrades, like Kimyawa’s CatCap helmet, Ozma’s Blaz Knuckles and Hiro’s Shing Sword, provided you didn’t find the Melted Blade earlier. By talking to the locals, we learn the Dark Puddings have already ransacked their town, and now their sole joy remains in the race track – famous for being so long it’s also the main highway to the next town! We then go to talk to the operations manager to find a means down said road. Hiro: Hello. We were wondering if it would be alright to head down the race track to the next town. Ops Guy: No, no, no. You don’t “head down” the race track. You RACE down it! That’s why they call it a RACE track! Mancala: Yeah? Then why do they call something you drive on a parkway and something you park on a driveway?! Ops Guy: Look, I don’t make the rules – I just enforce them. If you try any funny business, I’ll run your butts down and drag you back here for the biggest lecture of your lives! So race properly or don’t race at all! The party leaves the room, then spreads out again. Hiro: Well, so much for the direct route. Ozma: Anyone have any ideas? Loyroll: Why not do what he said? After all, a race sounds like fun! No one can keep up with our tempo! Mancala: We can’t just run the track. We’d pass out from exhaustion before we hit the midway. We need something we can ride. We need a pack mule! Hiro: A town renowned for its race track? Well, there has to be a ranch nearby with animals for such an occasion. Let’s ask around. Heading over to the ranch on the east side of town we can talk to the rancher – a strangely feminine man in a long, white trench coat. Hiro: We need— Rancher: A monster for the race, right? Hiro: Wow, you’re— Rancher: I am pretty awesome. Moreover, you’re wasting your time. The Dark Puddings raided my ranch last month and I’m still putting the pieces back together. Hiro: Isn’t there anything— Rancher: Yeah, if you get a few million going spare, I could lend you one of my thoroughbreds I’ve been raising. Hiro: We don’t have— Rancher: Neither does anyone else, bro. If you want the bargain bin, you’re in luck. This way. Hiro: Are you going to let me— Rancher: No. The rancher leads us over to one particular pen where a sad, squat lizard-like creature with a camel’s hump, two wings and two tails, weighed down by mace-like appendages crawls out. It coughs out dust on Hiro’s boots. Hiro: Is it dying? Rancher: I can only hope. This here is the bottom of the bottom of the barrel. This is the last of the Griffohumps. Hiro: Okay, you’re gonna need to explain that one to me. Rancher: It’s half griffon, half camel-dog. Its eyes also don’t align properly and it’s wantonly flatulent. I’ll let you take it for 100 gold. Take it or leave it. Hiro: Well, that’s a very reasonable price. For an unreasonable animal. I was thinking more of something like a horse… Rancher: Then you’re out of luck, chum. What little I have left other than this guy is for rebuilding and repopulating my ranch. Hiro: Looks like I don’t have much of a choice. We then get a Yes/No prompt, which is entirely pointless as saying no means we just walk around town until we go back and say Yes. In the GBA remake, however, if Kimyawa is level 37 (really, only a few levels higher than the average for this segment) and knows her Fox Inferno technique, this entire segment takes on an entirely DIFFERENT connotation as Kimyawa can replace the Griffohump as our pet in this minigame. But that’s creepy. So I’ll stick with the SNES version, thank you very much. The Griffohump is then dropped into a special Virtual Pet-style menu, which we can access whenever we want by speaking with the rancher. We’re then prompted to name the little guy – his default name is “Stinky”. We can feed it either mundane items, or special items the rancher will offer to sell us, which influence its stats. We can train it in minigames, or by fighting it like it was a monster encounter – which is the most effective means to raise it. Unequip the party and let it beat on the party and its stats will skyrocket, especially if it KOs the party. We can also have Hiro pet it and talk to it, which makes Hiro spout off nonsense jokes that were poorly translated from their original Japanese counterparts. You may persist in doing this as long as you’d like or until you hit the ludicrous 999 stat caps. Really, if you get it to around 150 in everything, Energy, Speed, Acceleration and Defense, you don’t need anything more than that. Return to the ops guy. Ops Guy: You again?! Didn’t you hear me?! Hiro: We’d like to enter the race properly now! Ops Guy: Really now? Well, that’s an entirely different story. Ready to begin? We then get a Yes/No prompt. Select Yes to continue. Ops Guy: Alright! To the starting line! This cues up the race minigame, with Hiro sitting astride the Griffohump, who is barely larger than his owner. The race itself involves running to the right-hand side of the screen as other racers try to jump on/over us. We’re ranked as we go and we must be in one of the top three places in order to win the minigame. Failure to do so drops us off where we started the race and Hiro mumbling something about “Not being on his A-Game today”. Clearing in higher ranks nets us better money and item rewards, but nothing worth freaking out over just yet – but they do get better as the plot progresses. But if we manage to win in 1st, 2nd or 3rd, we reach the chapter’s end! Narrator: And thus, Hiro and his party, riding gallantly atop Stinky, gracefully coast across the valley. What awaits them ahead? Only time will tell… We then get the Griffohump Feather, a key item we can use to access the virtual pet minigame from anywhere, anytime! Don’t forget to feed him from time to time!