#He is so afraid of losing her
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—————Beachside Dreams: The Start of Forever —————
It’s the wonderful @bunnions BIRTHDAY YALL (July 13) so from the bottom of my heart I wish her the happiest birthday, CHEERS 🥂 To one of the prettiest, kindest woman I’ve met. And you should celebrate her too!!!
She commissioned me a a little bit ago and when I heard the idea it hit me just right in my heart, loving partners and a romantic love story and I am super excited because it challenged me once more, but I also feel like I could make someone’s wish come true on their birthday 🥳 because she deserves the world and more on her special day💕🤲 
And of course is it a m-ete0ra commission if you don’t find the Easter egg!? Find it if y’all can! Hint: it’s hidden in the background…. Or is it…
#sappy ahhhh mete0ra#☄️ ora talks#katsuki bakugou#bakugou x reader#I know I draw him a lot but every time I do I feel like I make one so very happy which is why I will never stop#Happy birthday to my most wonderful friend#May we be friends in every universe#bnha x reader#bnha commission#BARK BARK AT BUNNIONS BECAUSE WE GO FERAL ON DISCORD#Voted gods little lamb most likely to be slaughtered (cult of the lamb references)#I wanna believe that after they kissed they bumped foreheads#CANON I MAde it canon#bakugou grips her waist way to tightly like bunnions might disappear#OMG YALL NEW IDEA#HIS RING GETS STUCK ON HER HAIR AT THEIR WEDDING#BECAUSE HE CANT NOT HOLD HER CLOSE CUZ SHES AO MUCH MORE THAN HE DESERVES#HES AFRAID OF LOSING HER#LOSING HER…… To me MUAHHAHAHA (EVIL GREMLIN LAUGHJ#happy birthday bunnions#may we celebrate next year together too#❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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-- "It's plain she cares for you very deeply." -- "And I her. Which is why I had to let her go."
#joshua rosfield#ffxviedit#final fantasy xvi#jote#ffxvi#i have so many feelings!!#i think it's really interesting that jote and joshua have never had an equal dynamic in their relationship#jote has been a protector of joshua's since she was little#even before he regained consciousness she was caring for him#the undying weren't sure he would ever wake up and when he did they must have been so afraid to lose him again#the undying in general are really fraught with their approach to the rosfields and the phoenix/the all-too-willing self-sacrifice#joshua never stood a chance of having a normal childhood regardless of where he grew up#and presumably jote also grew up in the undying so she has never truly experienced a peer to peer relationship with joshua#as soon as joshua woke up she was helping him to stay well and accompanying him on his journey#and in this scene she can't imagine not being by his side#she's scared for his safety but also probably very lost#what does she do with her life now? where does her energy go if not to protecting the phoenix?#i wonder about how jote and joshua feel about each other romantically#i know that they may not feel that way toward each other at all#the romantic shipper in me would like to think they do#it's just such a complicated and special and tender dynamic between them
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i depend on you
Chambray (he/him) (Froakie) belongs to me, Bucky (he/him) (Bunnelby) belongs to @fizkid
based on this art from twitter!
#i can't speak much about bucky#(because i'm not his creator)#but i think for chambray bucky makes him feel more free#his mom died when he was little + so he feels like he has to live up to this imaginary expectation that he believe others are setting for#him even though that's not the case#he also tends to try + keep others at arm's length at first because he's scared of losing them like he lost her#but Bucky makes him feel more like he did when he was freshly hatched:#more trusting + carefree + not afraid to love relentlessly#anyways. enough sappy shit.#buckbray anyone?#now that i've gotten the oc yaoi out the way it's finally time for robot yaoi#pokémon#pokemon#pokémon oc#pokemon oc#froakie#bunnelby#original character#original character art#oc art#oc artwork#oc illustration#oc x oc#tw eyestrain#cw eyestrain#hotline's little freaks (/affectionate)#zero drawings here
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We're going to save your brother.
#mario movie#mario movie spoilers#super mario bros#super mario bros movie#super mario bros movie spoilers#princess peach#mareach#cherrysip edits#I FEEL LIKE THIS MOMENT DID NOT GET THE ATTENTION AND APPRECIATION IT DESERVED ON HERE#man i could write you an essay about this#i do think that the 'i'm not afraid! i'll do anything for my brother' line actually ISN'T said during this scene - it's probably earlier#but that this line IS in the right place (peach's mouth movements match)#which means that scene is going to break me because it just seems like a very vulnerable sweet moment between them#where peach and mario get to talk about the situation they're in and their fears and how big the stakes are for both of them#peach fighting to protect her kingdom and her subjects - the immense pressure on her to stop bowser because of her role as a leader#and mario desperately trying to save his brother - not knowing if luigi is ok or not and not being able to keep him safe is so painful#i think that's why mario doesn't have his hat on - the adventure is starting to weigh on him and he opens up to peach for the first time#about him and luigi and their closeness and how he CAN'T lose his brother he CAN'T let him down when he needs him more than ever#and peach reassures him and it means the world. even in this quick clip there's something a little sad about his face#but also there's relief and gratefulness to her for saying that. they're the absolute sweetest :) :) :)#i could be off base but that really does seem like the vibe of this scene from what we've seen and i am ALL ABOUT IT
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I need to “do it scared” my way into writing smut but I’m too nervous to even open a word doc skskskssk
#I am afraid!!!!#I have a few smut one shot ideas that I wanna write but I am so nervy#bc I’m like… what if it’s terrible or the premise is too dark and people think it’s weird and also what if it’s not even hot#but I wanna see if I like writing smut!!!#and I plan to add smut to roomie Sukuna but I don’t want my First Time(tm) to be in that series bc idk what im doing yet!!!#i have the mentality of a high school boy who doesn’t wanna lose his virginity to the girl he likes bc he wants to be able to impress her#AAAAA idk what to dooooo#(the answer is do it scared)#samaras yapping
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Love how Ezra refuses to accept his lightsaber back from Sabine. Not only to assure her that he's strong enough to go into a fight without it, but also to make 'your lightsaber is your life' even more heart-wrenching since it basically means that he gave his life to her permanently and that his feelings for her will never change. Like, the hidden weight of this comedic moment??? Unbearable.
#sabezra#ezrabine#ezra x sabine#star wars rebels#ahsoka series#NOW LET ME DRINK MY TEARS.#also I was so happy to see Sabine panicking in that moment. because. obviously. she is afraid to lose him again.#but also because it shows how much she's afraid of change. and in that moment she has to immediately face the fact that he changed.#that there is no going back. it breaks and confuses her a little. Ezra not using lightsaber is unusual because he used it all the time.#and now he doesn't.
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this fandom is not big enough for me to go on about how aaron's relationship with justine was so much more complex than what we gather from the book but i kind of feel crazy about it and this line makes me feel insane and i hate it
#gonna rant in tags but#to just chalk up all his connections to justine based on fear feels unfair#dont forget he tapped into his creativity to please her. not because he was afraid but because he wanted to be useful and special#he wanted more than what his parents got. justine made him feel special and important#and while to her he was simply someone useful#to him she was someone powerful and imposing and strong. but most of all. in control#aaron talks about control a lot and marcus SPECIFICALLY SAYS JUSTINE IS SCARED OF LOSING CONTROL#aaron feels the same they parallel each other sooooo perfectly#her control is something he saw and WANTED#the respect he had for her wasnt fear!!! it was. longing? admiration?#he wanted what she had. he saw someone who was never afraid or stressed#and he WANTED that#he spent his childhood in fear of being sent to his death. especially w alex and everything#justine wanted to preserve what she had and wanted to feel in control so she could stay where she was#ugh. UGH! WHATEVERRR#tzu rambles#the unwanteds
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Hottest JJBA Outfit Bracket - Round 1 Match 35
#two extremely ignored and underrated designs!! dr ferdinand specifically i never see mentioned anywhere#we all pretend scary monsters was always diego's and forget he ever existed#even though he's serving so much gender???#but he's not enough to compete with my queen mitsuba i'm afraid#no seriously i love her outfit so so much it's so beautiful#i'm in love with that skirt i wish i could sew tulle to make me one just like it#plus the wristbands and top with the arrows that relate to her stand#and the lines on the top#the pink yellow and black tones fit so well#i love this outfit so much if it loses here i'm going to cry#higashikata mitsuba#mitsuba higashikata#dr ferdinand#jjba dr ferdinand#jojolion#steel ball run#jojo no kimyou na bouken#jjba#jojo's bizarre adventure#who's hotter jjba#hottest jjba outfit bracket
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willel are not the best friends fanon makes them out to be. they are siblings. will eats the last of the eggos and el has a meltdown on him. el steals will’s good paints and he refuses talk to her for three days. will is chilling in his room listening to music with the door closed? not anymore. el has barged in, stuck her tongue out at him, and left the door open. el hogs the tv. will hogs the bathroom. both complain until jonathan drives them to the shops. el might use her psychic powers to trip will’s bullies, but she also uses them to steal his blanket when they’re sitting together on the couch.
but mike and el? those two are best friends. Mike and El are the ones that sit on the floor by El’s bed, talking shit about the stupid people in their classes. Mike is the person who lets El play with his hair. Will? Wear nail polish? Never. But the makeover El gives Mike behind closed doors… it’s eye opening, to say the least. But that’s pretty much the extent of their “girly” activities. Mike complains whenever El pulls him out of the house to go on nature walks or slouches around the driveway while El naively attempts to entice him into a game of pickup. It never works, and they end up sitting in the grass, and Mike gets a sunburn.
#willel#byler#down with mike/el friendship erasure!#i’m a bi mike truther and i think the REASON mileven isn't working is ironically because mike loves el#but even though he loves her#he can't figure out what feels so off about their relationship. like he likes girls. and he loves el. so what's the problem?#the problem is that they're best friends but he's never seen boy-girl friendships and is trying to force himself into a role that is just#unnatural to their actual dynamic#basically i don’t buy the interpretation the mike was intentionally lying during his monologue#or that mike feel he doesn’t really know el because they jumped into a relationship so quickly#because there is LOVE there. it’s just not romantic. and he doesn’t want to hurt her.#he’s afraid that if he’s not the perfect boyfriend or if he hurts her with the truth then he will lose her forever#anyways just my thoughts
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Kenny and Violet anon here YES.
Violet is upset because someone she defended against her found family of 8 years let her get taken by brainwashing adults for 2 seconds and everyone flips their lid.
But Kenny refuses to stop a train, and gets into a whole fight with Lee over it (AND REFUSES TO HELP YOU FIND A LOST LITTLE GIRL WHILE YOU’RE FIGHTING OFF AN INFECTION, where as Violet always defends you in Episode 1 regardless of whether you ignored and/or antagonized her or not), and gets mad at an 11 year old for not being able to handle helping someone in labor by herself and everybody’s like “Nah it’s okay, his family died years ago so he gets to do whatever he wants.” as if Violet didn’t witness one of the only consistent family members in her life die in front of her 💀
There’s so many comparisons I could make and one day I’ll make a Venn Diagram about all of their similarities but for now I’m glad someone pointed this out.
there are some things kenny does that have No excuse (like refusing to help bitten lee look for missing clem all because hes mad you didnt side with him enough. leaving lee to singlehandedly save himself in the pharmacy because he got scared. threatening to slap clem for blaming herself for lees death. off the top of my head). but his behavior on the train is annoying yet understandable. he doesnt want to admit his son is dying and he feels like duck dying in the first place is his fault for not saving shawn. you can convince him to stop without things getting physical
the Problem comes in when people can understand and sympathize with kennys annoying/shitty actions, but when it comes to violet (who has the same "my family is dead and its made me bitter and closed off" backstory (and her whole arc is about learning to love and care again)), suddenly all understanding goes out the window. even tho shes not even a FRACTION as annoying and shitty as kenny can get 😭😭
violet is mean to clem for the One scene where youre introduced to her (ignoring your first moment with her in the courtyard where shes smiling at clem so you already know her shitty attitude later is a lie. louis even defends her. wingman lol. and depending on what you say in response to her you can Immediately see the regret on her face LOL). but before the scene even Ends shes complimenting clem and clem loves it. then youre forced to talk to her and tenn about the twins, you have a nice card game where you can joke around with her, then she shows up at the dorm and they have a nice heart to heart about how theyre BOTH struggling with the loss of people theyve loved, and they can sympathize about both being harsher than they intend (THEY GET EACH OTHER CANONICALLY)
and vi not being "a people person" is a huge part of her arc?? she doesnt like that shes like this 😭 but shes also better with people than she gives herself credit for and its why she makes a good leader. (and even if you pick the "came off strong" option clem is OBVIOUSLY teasing about it but vi cant tell and gets defensive ("its not like im trying to be bffs or whatever. sorry" is so "you want to kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid" of her)
and then after this shes never mean to clem again?? (unless you antagonize her but even then its mostly just about her standing her ground and not taking shit she doesnt deserve. which is fair). shes only mean to brody while fishing (and shes mean to brody because deep down she blames HERSELF) and the whole POINT of that scene is to try and mend their broken relationship which immediately makes vi a happier/nicer person if you do (also interesting how louis doesnt get any shit for His behavior while hunting 🤨 no hes just cool and fun). violet also apologizes for being "weird" in the dorms the previous night as well (bby girl why are you afraid that everything you do is weird 😭 she says that word a lot)
violet will Always have clems back (in EP1 and 2!!) No Matter What you do or say to her. i think people take her loyalty for granted. so if you dont save her in EP2 and expect to continue to have her unwavering loyalty in EP3? thats a You problem. she is Fucked Up mentally on that boat by lilly and her not-exactly-ex, and then gets caught in the explosion she didnt want anything to do with. AND THEN SHE APOLOGIZES because she recognizes she was WRONG
(not her literally trying to make a joke about it to ease the tension 😭 people dont give her credit for also having a sense of humor. like louis is the only one who cracks jokes around here) but again when it comes to kenny his actions are understandable and defendable even without an apology 🙄 i literally side with kenny on Everything except the larry thing and if you dont make the right dialogue choice with him? he will not help you look for clem. because of larry 😐 i killed your son for you bro and then took care of his walker doppelganger so you didnt have to. and this isnt even touching his behavior in S2. and yet despite everything he does hes still one of the most beloved characters in the fandom 🤨
i just have to remind myself sometimes that all vi options were made 53-61% and the vi haters are a loud minority. her always being above 50% is so interesting to me because i love when choices are split perfectly 50/50. but the way the fandom talks about her (and the women in general) you wouldnt think shes technically the more popular option (and i Hate playing the popularity card its so annoying, but im only doing it bc people also say shit like "maybe if vi wasnt so mean more people would pick her" they DO pick her!!! you just got mad she was mean for 5 seconds, never payed attention to her again, and used her determinate reaction on the boat as justification for not liking her 😑) (also ignores how mean louis gets in EP2 regardless of choice?? but like kenny His actions are defendable and sympathetic and hers arent 🙄)
#again just in case people cant tell I LIKE ALL OF THEM they are all interesting characters!!! but some of you only give grace to the men#vi i will defend you until i die because Someone has to#why do people hate and even want to kill the women in this game so bad 😭 its so weird#im literally just asking yall to Not hate her so vehemently when you LOVE male characters who do the same or much worse#its just weird all the excuses that exist for the men but when its a woman? shes just a bitch. why do the men get to be bitches 😐#the game is Intentionally very even between vi and louis' reactions but for some reason hes defendable/sympathetic and shes not#someone pretty much ended up proving my point on my last ask about this without even realizing it 💀#but i didnt even know where to begin. so i was so glad to get this ask almost immediately after hdskfjkd#also the numbers im using are TFS numbers not DE numbers. ive noticed the DE numbers are fandom skewed idek what they are for S4#i dont think i have much more to say about this and im afraid the men only defenders are gonna start coming out of the walls#i love you fucked up women of twdg :)#if anyone tries to defend the male characters on this post im gonna lose it. they dont need your help!!!#replies with lexi#incognito#twdg
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I repurposed an old drawing for him. Sunday my beloved. 🥺🫶
#Roro draws#fanart#art#digital art#HSR#honkai star rail#hsr fanart#honkai star rail fanart#hsr sunday#honkai star rail sunday#sunday#sunday fanart#Roro is losing her mfin mind over him-#GIVE ME ABSOLUTE MONSTER/NIGHTMARE SUNDAY OR- IDK I’LL CRY-#rAAAAAAAA PLEASE HOYO-#please excuse him he’s having a Sephiroth moment or smthn-//SHOT#I need him to like be destruction path or smthn-#or maybe have minions so he can be harmony and buff them beyond reason#I want to be AFRAID#even though I still Would#iykwim#SKJDJDJ-#DO NOT PERCEIIIVVVVEEE-
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good days aren't easy to come by
#simblr#ts4 legacy#valentine gen 4#fun fact for context on why i care so much abt him finally choosing to play the piano on his own#but it's gonna get Long so strap in#basically. the guitar he used to have had been with him since he was like...... my god. probably about 15#he bought it at a yard sale for pennies from an older woman#it belonged to her late son originally and it wasn't even . supposed to be a part of the sale in the first place. she just took a liking to#devin and figured that really it's better in the hands of someone who would use it than for it to collect dust in her garage forever#and he couldn't really practice at home. his parents... are not exactly the kindest people you've ever seen#he was too afraid of them destroying or throwing it away so he'd sneak off to god knows where and learn how to play it from old#youtube videos on his busted up phone#it quickly became Everything to him. his most prized possession. and it wasn't a shitty guitar either. the son was a professional musician#that's how ellie and devin met in the first place. he was playing at the market she used to sneak out to in the evenings to#and she instantly knew . this boy is going places and really they might as well go together#enough backstory of the backstory. long story short: he was struggling to make rent eventually and was out of vinyls to pawn off#so he had no choice left. it was either that or he'd get kicked out along with his sister. who was still struggling a lot w/ addiction#so he sold it. and it broke him. he's literally just not been the same since losing it#his sister stole him a guitar from a music shop she'd go to sometimes but it just wasn't the same and he had not played an instrument since#until now anyway#still not a guitar. but maybe someday#or he can find his old one and buy it again.........#lmfao if you made it here congrats. you win nothing bc im broke but i do respect you
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searching up “anti silco” to read analysis and coming across jilco is a real vibe killer
#houndshowlings#fuck u mean it’s up to interpretation?#i get their relationship is strange & there’s no boundaries & silco enables jinx (likely out of fear of losing her just like he manipulates#her)#but i thought it was clear their relationship was father/daughter#even if jinx is adopted & never calls silco her father directly#like yes the writers purposely made it uncomfortable#but it was to subvert expectations.#many feared Silco was sexually grooming her bc their weird interactions#but it was to subvert tht fear#while still showing how he grooms her to be his weapon#and yet is far too permissive with her.#he doesn’t discipline her and allows her to get away without consequences when she fucks up.#he encourages her to be fearless and strong#yet at the same time isolates her and shields her from criticism & consequences#which encourages her codependency on him and her need for his approval#both r afraid of abandonment and betrayal#silco is trying to foster a ‘us vs them’ mentality in jinx so she won’t leave#which means not doing anything like a proper parent should bc snapping at her or punishing her too much could push her away from him#which he doesn’t want#so of course he allows her to do what she wants#and this has instilled in jinx a disregard for privacy and boundaries#pls the straddling & invasion of space was to show they’re relationship is fucked#but not in that way
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Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡
So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.
At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.
Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.
I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.
So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.
If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.
#spotatalk#i'm just gonna drop this in the queue I guess?#but I'm writing this on the last day of june so....#whenever this rolls around will be a jumpscare abd a half I guess?#I think honestly I coukd do a full breakdown of the Crew and why they're all expressions of me but like#quick summary is#Reset: Wants approval from people but mostly clings to the past. is afraid of losing his brother and acts on it to bring him back. i#<- I lack that conviction to do whatever you have to to get your way. i worry my brother and I have a weird gap between us we wont repair#Orchid: Uhhh woman. lots of pressure that she had at one time that's now no being pressed but she still tries to live up to it also.#<- I don't like the pressure of being a woman. also gifted-kid who cannot move past the pressures imposed to be 'perfect' and it's screwed#Stereo: Pulled into a situation he doesn't want to be in initially. it's bad for him but he likes the people so he decides to stay#<- I see the good in people. even when they hurt others around me. I was a bystander often and should've left the situations. paralelling.#Monochrome: Afraid. No purpose or preperation in life. soneone offers to guide him and he takes that offer because it's better than home.#<- Kinda self-explanitory but I've got little direction and feel lost a lot of the time. If I'm given a path I usually walk it no hesitation#and... for fun let's do some others!#Haphazard: Cleaning up after others since childhood. he's never really gotten a break and sees any sort of mess as an enemy#-> He's fixing rifts in universes I gotta patch relationships. there's so much conflict and I'm always so overwhelmed by it#Lost: He's got amnesia. no clue where he is. where he's from. who you are. who he is. he'll know when he gets there. he's sure.#-> I've been hsving minor issues with my memory for years. i coukd be forgetful but sometimes it just escapes me and that's spooky#Teddy: Isolated in her universe for years. she self-mutilated until she liked herself. when she finally met people she compulsively lied#-> Much more extreme version of how isolated I sonetines feel. hobbies can't replace human interaction but it's hard#oh and Ichor: God who loves mortals but cannot seem to find ones who will prove hin right for his trust and care#<- I've got a big heart. i express it often but the sentinent is scoffed off a lot. I get beat down about it and just keep moving forward#Pretender: Knows who he is. however the world doesn't like it much so he acts how they expect him to or isolates away#<- I still present femme when I'm nb/agender. i bend and break to people's perception of me. if I can't solve something I run.#okay I feel more insane than when ai started but these stupid skeletons have helped me through so many mental health problems it's only a#little bit funny 🙏
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Grace FUMBLED Ryan! BAD parenting to preach respect and then act contrarily (ie saying she wants him to feel safe, then not allowing him any autonomy). She should've let him leave and come back... or at least explained why she didn't want him to leave before deciding (ex: 'Homelander will kidnap you', etc). She needed to let him make the decision for himself... agh. AAAAA.
And now Butcher's no use because he's committed to being evil and can't offer ANYTHING good to Ryan!!! He was so right, they NEEDED to give Ryan more space... I know the external pressures seemed impossible, but dammit, Grace, this was no way to beat the odds!
(this is about The Boys season four)
#ryan butcher#the boys#How much does Ryan know about his dad's upbringing?#Because he's right... Grace trapping him would've been like Vought and young Homelander... AAAGH#I hate it!!! When the heroes are genuinely more moral than the villains#but they make the same fatal mistakes and doom their cause in the process!!#AAA!!! GRACE!!!!#I don't hate her. I think she was dead wrong but I do not despise her. I know she meant it from the bottom of her heart--#--when she said she loves him.#But as she said it I couldn't help but imagine Barbara saying that to young John in the exact same way...#Grace may not have wanted to be like that but her actions would've had the same effect.#It hurts because I know so much where she's coming from#but it's just dead true that they can't reach a happy ending by treating someone so inhumanely.#Anyway. I hurt#Homelander is EVIL and THE BAD GUY#and this is not mutually exclusive with the fact that HE SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN TREATED LIKE THAT (how Vought raised him)#And it HURTS because the protagonists who were able to get to Ryan understood the first part (Homelander evil)#but not the second!!!! (His upbringing was a moral abomination)#It hurty it hurty because I WANT Ryan to heal...I want SOME kind of closure to what happened to the kid Homelander once was...#Ryan and his dad (insofar as he is Ryan's dad) had the potential to get to that place Hughie described...that place of forgiveness#where it's not win all vs lose all.... where it's confronting hell and making something good out of it...#Homelander was corrupting the trust he and Ryan were building by traumatizing Ryan and pushing him to do evil things....#..but god...GODDD....Hughie was SO RIGHT in his speech... what he and Victoria had is the answer. That's the answer!!!#And there was a MERE GLIMMER of a chance that Ryan and Homelander could enact that healing#And damn!! After the name of the game being 'kill Homelander' for the other three seasons#seeing the answer be 'violence only exacerbates suffering.. let's make things better instead' .... It would've been so amazing...#ah! Too good to be true!!!!#Butcher saying 'If where you feel safest is with Homelander then I won't stop you' HIT SO HARD#knowing that Ryan has felt so afraid....#they made it about the relationship between a child and their abusive parent and uh BIG SURPRISE it's breaking me
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#☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ⸺ behind the scenes. ⊰ ooc ⊱#me thinking about everything with hsr yaya when he's a mourning actor#the loss of his mom and gallagher and misha and how he leaves penacony to grieve among the stars#how his songs have gone from something festive and cheery and fun to melancholic and grieving#how he sings and sings and sings until his voice goes raw and he loses it. only to repeat this whenever his voice recovers#but it's never the same as it used to be anymore due to how much he's damaged his vocal cords#how he fucking HATES the nameless & acheron. how he trusted lumine with his whole heart.#how he told her about his mother and her being a self-annihilator and the dream is basically her hospice.#only for him to lose her forever. how albedo reaches out to kaeya as a memokeeper. tries to be there for him while recording memories.#but yaya is just so jaded and numbed. he's tired. he's lost so much. he can't lose more if he keeps himself away.#he doesn't care if everything was for the greater good. what good *is* the greater good if he cannot keep someone for once.#and then i think about yaya and haitham. because holy shit ven has filled me with brainworms on their potential dynamic.#how haitham & yaya understand each other more than anyone else. how yaya is able to navigate convos with haitham just fine#and even finds him to be hilarious with his humor even if most people dont get it. dont get haitham.#how haitham can see yaya's masks and his different smiles. his different personas.#how haitham would know khaenriahn and would speak it with yaya and how much it devastates yaya in the best way.#how they send each other little gifts. how they sign off their letters to each other.#how they think of each other in their day-to-day lives#how *liberated* they both feel being near someone who understands them while also being afraid of being known#i just. im IN MY FEELINGS#IM GOING TO FUCKING SCREAM
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