#HOWEVER i AM expecting a tragedy this time around

[redeemed-wren]

[drchucktingle]

i have copied this comment without name because i think it is very kind and respectful and i do not want buckaroos interpreting it the wrong way. PLEASE UNDERSTAND this buckaroo is very sincere and has important points and please respect their way. i am going to answer in a way that is counter to their point and i do not want buds to go after them IN ANY WAY. THEY ARE PROVING LOVE AND THEY HAVE GOOD POINTS

okay here is what i have to say:

i have not transitioned and in this lifetime i do not expect to. i think you have a good point of 'how can you know?' and honestly i cannot know that is just how timelines and reality and perception work

HOWEVER i must caution against this train of thought slightly because what works for one buckaroos MAY NOT WORK for another. every time i talk about my non-dysphoric way there are plenty of well meaning buds, particularly fellow trans buds, who show up with posts in the tone of 'its only matter of time.' like i just do not understand yet.

this reminds me of bisexual buckaroos who are told 'you just do not know you are gay yet'. as difficult as it is to step out of our own dang minds, i implore buckaroos to accept that there VERY JOYFUL AND FULFILLED NON-DYSPHORIC TRANS BUCKAROOS who do not need to transition and never will and are healthy and happy without that. just like there are bisexual buckaroos who are not just on their way to being gay

a good way to look at it is like this: I LOVE MY MALE BODY. i think i am a very handsome buckaroo. i have masculine features in my muscle and height and frame. as far as how fate could have placed me on this timeline I WON MY OWN PERSONAL FOOTRACE. i am up on the podium and i am standing here with a medal around my neck. GOOD JOB CHUCK

HOWEVER when i look down i see that medal is silver. i am not going to lie and say it is gold. it is silver.

YES my gold medal is a female body. that is an objective truth to my trot. i believe my gender way is that of a women, but there is no part of me that is upset about where i have placed.

I GOT SILVER. i am not upset. there is no tragedy. in fact i am OVERWHLEMED WITH JOY not just to be on the podium but to be in this race in the first place. HECK YEAH I DID IT AND I GOT A MEDAL

of course this is not to dismiss the difficult journey of others. many do not feel the way i do and their trot is VALID. a dysphoric way matters and is important and these voices are important. they should be elevated and supported. i understand some do not share this podium imagery, and they feel PAINED by trappings of their body.

i feel so much for this. i understand and care for my dysphoric buds, but the simple truth is that is not my story. i cant just lie and say that it is.

it will never be my story. i cannot say this enough: i love my body. however i STILL believe my truest way is that of a ladybuck. if it was a simple button push to change me, then i would push it without hesitation.

but it is not a simple button push.

talk to almost any buckaroo who has transitioned and they will say 'transitioning is hard'. it takes time and work and money and emotional support. i am in awe of the bravery of buckaroos who trot this path, but all of that is not worth it for something that i already feel good about. SCRATCH THAT, i feel GREAT ABOUT. i feel overwhelmed with joy every day over just existing in this male body that i have been blessed with. YES buckaroo, i feel joy existing in a male body that i know is ladybuck on the inside. it feels interesting a cool and exciting.

but my truest way is STILL a ladybuck trot

i guess i am just trying to say that i love second place. im happy to celebrate it. i think my male body is really dang cool. it is not a 'perfect me' but it is really dang awesome, and i never really bothered with trying to be perfect

[bengiyo]

The Knowing: Being Queer in BL

I’ve been talking about The Knowing a lot lately with @lurkingshan @waitmyturtles @ginnymoonbeam and @shortpplfedup and so I felt it was time to gather all those thoughts into one place.

I define The Knowing as “growing up and suffering with the knowledge that you are queer (specifically that you are not like other kids) and understanding that you must keep that knowledge to yourself.”

Part of what initially drew me to BL was how often many of these shows took place in what @absolutebl calls “The Bubble” where cultural and structural homophobia is less prevalent or nonexistent. Many of these stories are about guys learning something about themselves for the first time when it comes to being attracted to other men. However, I always find myself drawn to the characters that clearly Knew who they were a long time ago. What’s interesting about these characters is that many of them carry an intense sadness and loneliness that plagues them and their relationships.

I am in my mid-30s. I’ve had to unlearn a lot of language over the decades. When I first realized I was different from other kids I was eight years old. I was a lot like Chiron in Moonlight (2016) asking the question, “What’s a faggot?” I wish I’d had someone like Juan around to say, “A faggot is a word used to make gay people feel bad.” To which Chiron asked, “Am I a faggot?” and Juan quickly corrected. “Nah. You can be gay, but you ain’t gotta let nobody call you no faggot.” I know it’s hard for some of you to read slurs written out so plainly, but I grew up with them being part of the day-to-day language used by kids around me. If you instinctively recoiled at me typing the word four times, imagine experiencing that constantly for your entire adolescence while also fearing the consequences of being discovered by your peers. That’s what I survived. That’s what some of these boys survived.

Before I learned other words, I thought I was weird or broken. I knew I was drawn to boys before I even hit puberty, but I didn’t have language for existing on the ace-spectrum until I joined Tumblr in the early 2010s. Before that I just thought there was something wrong with me. When we see a character in BL who has clearly been gay for a long time, I find myself examining the environment around them to see if they suffered The Knowing.

The worst part of The Knowing is for the boys who can pass as straight if they try hard enough. I always talk about how I think femmes are stronger than those of us (like me) who can pass. They face the public scrutiny of being queer and the danger of that constantly. People like me often go unnoticed unless we’re amongst our peers or explicitly tell people who we are.

I’m writing this post as a love letter to the boys who suffered the Knowing. Sometimes these characters get a bad reputation in fandom for being boring or sad sacks, but they are the characters I love the most. I’d like to talk about some of my favorite boys who Knew. Unsurprisingly, the exact kind of melancholy Japan is willing to play with means they have strong presence on this list.

Korn (Until We Meet Again)

Korn is the character who began my discussion about this in a conversation with @wen-kexing-apologist about Kao’s acting. I pointed out that the saddest thing about Korn in Until We Meet Again is that he knew what he was going to do the entire time. The tragedy of UWMA is that Korn loved Intouch and let him in, and unfortunately learned that Intouch’s love couldn’t fix the horrors that plagued him. You can see it in Kao’s eyes for the entire show whenever we see the In and Korn flashbacks. He suffers under the weight of masculine expectation and crumbles.

The Entire Cast of What Did You Eat Yesterday?

WDYEY is all about characters who Knew. Kenji and Wataru may have been unable to pass and have chosen to accept who they are, but we know Wataru suffered for it because of his feelings about family. Shiro hid who he was for a very long time, and still hides it from most people. His trauma from The Knowing regularly threatens his relationship with Kenji. Kohinata also clearly knew who he was the entire time, and works diligently for the life he’s built for himself. So much of this show is about being gay in a world that does not value us.

Book, Christina, and Yok (Make It Right)

Book is actively victimized because of The Knowing. He left his previous school and doesn’t live with his family because he was outed by a past boyfriend, and is disowned after revenge porn of him is posted.

Both Chrstina and Yok are femme and cannot pass. Unlike many of the boys in this show figuring out who they are, they are trying to survive without losing themselves.

Li Ming (Moonlight Chicken)

Li Ming has a gay uncle and still suffers The Knowing. He is hiding his attraction from everyone until he develops feelings for Heart.

Itou Akira (Life: Love on the Line)

We experienced the entire arc of this man’s life and how much The Knowing crushed him. This is probably the most The Knowing character on the list.

Oumi Mitsuru (Eternal Yesterday)

Oumi has such a frank expression of The Knowing and how much it hurts that he likes Koichi but feels like he can’t express it.

Takahashi Satoru (Koisenu Futari)

The man literally blogs about The Knowing, and it’s how Sakuko began to understand herself. He has a questionnaire prepared to help you figure out how long you’ve Known.

Ren (Tokyo in April Is…)

I wrote multiple posts about Ren and his experience with The Knowing. So much of what goes wrong for them is because Ren couldn’t believe that Kazuma could like him, too, and he knowingly faced the consequences of being discovered to save Kazuma’s life.

Pete (Love by Chance)

Pete knows who he is and can’t change it. Trump uses this against him. Pete doesn’t want Ae to be gay like him and suffer with the realities of being a Known Gay. Pete has one of the first coming out scenes in BL that I really enjoyed.

Cairo (Gameboys)

Cairo was clearly struggling with Knowing, and his close friend took his coming out from him. Cairo is a brat, but goddamn do I appreciate some of his angst.

See-eiw (My Only 12%)

He watched The Love of Siam (2007) and had a complete emotional breakdown as he was finally able to name his feelings for Cake. Top-tier expression of The Knowing.

Shin (3 Will Be Free)

I mean, we don’t have to look much further than his entire sad existence and being pushed into sex with a prostitute in the first episode. Also there’s, “It wasn’t that you didn’t like boys. You just didn’t like me.” Shin is the only boy in BL-adjacent media to suffer a specific version of The Knowing: being rejected and discarded by your own people in a homophobic way so they could stay closeted.

Phupha (A Tale of Thousand Stars)

Phupha’s entire romantic angst is built around The Knowing and what others seeing him for who he is will do for him.

Pran (Bad Buddy)

Though Bad Buddy exists in The Bubble, Pran has one of the most painful versions of The Knowing I’ve ever experienced because his is wrapped up in family angst and an unrequited crush.

Lee Wan (Our Dating Sim)

Lee Wan suffered The Knowing and broke things with his best friend after confessing. The Knowing destroyed his ability to see a version of his life where he and Shin Kitae overcame the upcoming challenges together and so he takes that choice from Kitae. Crushing.

Ueda Minoru (Our Dining Table)

Minoru is so familiar with The Knowing that he preemptively breaks up with Yutaka after kissing him.

Kiyoi (My Beautiful Man)

The reveal that Kiyoi already knew who he was and noticed Hira the entire time? Beautiful. One of the best reveals in J-BL history.

Minato (Minato’s Laundromat)

This man is one of the sadder examples of The Knowing because he’s in a place where he understands who he is now, but the internalized homophobia cripples almost all of his romantic and closer relationships.

Han Baram (Sing My Crush)

This boy is suffering so much from The Knowing that his love confession song is literally titled “Letter of Apology.”

Oh-aew (I Told Sunset About You)

He Knew. “Are you proud of me?”

Noh Shinwoo and Shin Daon (Light On Me)

Noh Shinwoo clearly suffered The Knowing and was discovered. His bullies still plague him on the streets when they see him. Shin Daon was not surprised by his attraction to Woo Taekyung; he struggled with his parents expectations.

Nagisa (His: I Didn’t Mean to Fall in Love)

Nagisa definitely Knew who he was and was probably going to stay quiet about it until Shun showed up in his life. What upsets me so much about Nagisa is that he is the one who leaves Shun later in the movie after pulling queerness out of Shun.

The Secret Crush on You Quartet

All four of them get a spot on this list for The Knowing. Toh, Kaojao, and Daisy clearly suffered The Knowing, and Som has clearly taken care of them for a long time.

Rocky and Judah (Quaranthings)

I love that these two explore The Knowing from a class perspective. Judah is wealthier and eventually comes out, but Rocky is poor and struggles with it a lot longer.

Han Tae Joo and Kang Gook (Where Your Eyes Linger)

The Knowing, bodyguard edition. The yearning between the two of these is palpable. It hurts that they can’t even talk to each other about it.

Mafuyu (Given)

He Knew and lost his boyfriend to The Knowing.

Kim Dong Hee (Unintentional Love Story)

He won’t acknowledge Go Ho Tae’s feelings because he feels a sense of loyalty to Ho Tae’s mom for taking care of him after his parents disowned him over the gay thing. Huge case of The Knowing.

Edit: New Additions October 7, 2023.

Nekoyashiki Mamoru (Kabe-Koji Nekoyashiki-kun Desires to be Recognized)

He describes a textbook case of the Knowing and finding community at the convention.

Zo (Hidden Agenda)

He definitely Knew, and got messed over by his friends badly for it.

Yuuki (Me, My Husband, and My Husband's Boyfriend)

We almost lost Yuuki to the Knowing.

All of the Eclipse Gays

Literally all of them. The entire show is about how fascism turns queer people into agents working against their own community.

Joe (The Warp Effect)

He clearly Knew before his encounter with Army, and he also suffered for being outed.

[autumnslance]

G'raha's Leadership in the Final Days

Finally got PunchyCat to the Final Days, and while we often speak to the big cutscene where G'raha "goes into Exarch mode" and takes command in the chaos, before that he and the WoL run around Radz-at-Han investigating the Blasphemy, and even there, G'raha's many years as Exarch really show through in how he interacts with the traumatized and terrified people.

Rahdvira: Sisters have mercy, what is happening to the world!? What am I to do…? Is nowhere safe!? G'raha Tia: Settle down, friend. The danger has passed…at least for now. If it's not too painful to remember, could you tell us what you saw?

and at the end of the man's tale:

G'raha Tia: That is enough, my good man. You were brave to share with us your tale. Many of your fellow merchants are safe. The High Crucible, too, has survived mostly unscathed. Pray stay close to your friends and loved ones, and rest your body and mind while you are able. G'raha Tia: I suspect that is the most we can expect the people here to tell us. I think it best we find a place outside the bazaar where we might rest and review our findings.

Choosing to Speak with G'raha...

G'raha Tia: It might distress those still traumatized by the incident to discuss what we've learned within earshot…

He also remembers the details of how WoL knew Khalzahl (thanks to that great memory of his, hearing the reports of the first trip to Thavnair). As Mihleel is shaken by remembering the terror erupting at her tables, however...

G'raha Tia: Forgive me. I would not have you recall the memory if it brings you pain. If I could, I would ask just one more thing.

After getting directions to Khalzahl's neighborhood, WoL and G'raha question an older woman:

Mahti: I don't travel much these days, but my daughter's told me not to venture outside. Stuck in here as I am, I've heard little about these bizarre goings-on. G'raha Tia: Rest assured, the city is safe for now, but the situation may change without warning. G'raha Tia: I urge you: stay close to your daughter, and be prepared to take refuge should the satrap order it. Mahti: Yes, I shall do just that. Thank you for your concern, and pray stay safe as well.

And then the sleepy Arkasodara down the street:

Parigha: Hmmm…? Could you come back another time? I just woke up, and I'm not exactly in the mood for idle chitchat. G'raha Tia: Well, that's one way to avoid the panic, I suppose… G'raha Tia: Pardon our intrusion. You may not have noticed, but a great danger has come to Thavnair. I encourage you to stay alert, and prepare to flee the city should the situation turn dire. G'raha Tia: But before we leave you in peace…pray allow us to ask a question or two.

And finally, when dealing with Djinabaha at Ruveydah Fibers, helping the employees pack things away before he'd even talk, G'raha finishes with this as we go on to the next quest (and Ahewann's fate).

G'raha Tia: My friend, we must take our leave. I pray that your establishment is spared further tragedy. But remember: your lives are far more precious than any wares. If you are ordered to flee, do so without hesitation. Djinabaha: Indeed… I thank you for your concern, and pray you two take care as well.

G'raha knows how to talk to people shaken by disaster, calming and reassuring, and giving them clear advice and action to take to keep themselves safe. It's a handy precursor to his taking command in the next cutscene, reminding us that he is, unfortunately, all too familiar with events similar to these, and this steadiness, thoughtfulness, and concern comes from too many years of practice.

[oshinohoshi]

Oshi no Ko Chapter 165 thoughts

At this point we're just suffering.

I cannot get on board with Hikaru as a villainous mastermind. The fuck were we doing for the entire movie arc where he was shown in a sympathetic light? Why in ch 155 did he supposedly have a change of heart only for a plot twist to wreck everything?

It's not that Hikaru would have been absolved of responsibility for Yura's murder because he was abused. It's just that before the stupid Nino twist he wasn't an undeniable monster

Akasaka created someone more interesting, human, and who was flawed in a way that wasn't over the top, and then yanked it away

You're telling me that sad boy Hikaru who blamed himself for Ai leaving him began to manipulate Ryosuke and Nino mere months after the breakup? Please

Anyway... grief is terrible. This chapter was miserable to read

Some people are using this as an opportunity to shit on Kana which is ridiculous. Is slapping a corpse in front of his family not great? Yeah. Does she have every damn reason to? I'd say so

Heartbreak is not just a phrase. It actually hurts. It can cause chest pain, headaches, shortness of breath. There's something called broken heart syndrome which can be caused by grief or stress. It affects the heart's ability to pump blood effectively

Point being that grief is physically and emotionally painful and a breakdown is totally normal

I agree with Gotanda's reasoning about releasing 15 YRL, however the film is now inextricably tied to Aqua's death

Where is Ai in all this? Why isn't she on this poster??? I thought this was a film about her life

Her name may very well never be mentioned again despite being the backbone of this story

This is why cult leader Hikaru is the best character. He's the only person who has remembered her since ch 155

Judging by her white stars, Ruby is probably going to pull through. While I don't want a nihilistic end, we have ONE chapter left. Can this really be earned?

And can it be done in a way that doesn't accidentally portray Aqua's murder-suicide in a positive light in the sense that Ruby living on and achieving her dreams reinforces what Aqua died for?

Next chapter: So here we are, very nearly at the end of all things. I am glad you are here with me, OnK fan community. It's been a journey.

Send your good vibes to marillust, a super talented fanartist, who is really sad about losing Aqua. They're cycling between depression and denial and I really get that.

I feel like I have to defend my dislike of this ending by talking about previously established themes, bad twists, etc. in order to not be shouted down by the "what did you expect? This was always a tragedy" crowd, but I'm just gonna say it.

I wanted Aqua to move on and be happy! I wanted Ai's wish for her kids to grow up healthy to be fulfilled. I wanted Aqua to call both his mothers "mom." I wanted him to value his life and see that the people around him loved him and needed him.

I didn't want Ai's death to be meaningless. I didn't want Ruby to lose her most important person. I didn't want Miyako to lose her son, Kana to never get to say "I love you," and Akane to never rebuild her relationship with Aqua.

I wish we'd gotten this and this and a spinoff manga about this.

All right, it's fine. Deep breaths. Time to stare at Ai art until I feel better. Here's a sketch Mengo did of her riding a dragon. Isn't that cute?

[acourtofthought]

I have no doubt that Lucien loved Jesminda with his entire heart. But in romance books, the author does typically want to write the endgame pairing in a way that lets readers know that their story is the ultimate love, something that could not have even been topped by a characters first love. I sometimes think on how SJM will go about convincing both Elain and the readers that Elain is his soulmate and not only because they share a bond but because of who Elain is as an individual and why she as an individual is everything he could want, why even if Jesminda were alive he would still choose Elain (something I do think Elain might have fears over). It's easy to see why Graysen was never going to be right for Elain, the red flags were already included in ACOMAF for us but Jesminda is on a pedestal for us, her death truly seems a tragedy for Lucien. However........ "She had teased him taunted him - seduced him so thoroughly that he hadn't wanted anything but her."

"She had chosen him."

I wonder if there is something in those lines because Lucien spent his youth being tormented by both his father and his brothers, he was clearly unwanted by 7/8th of the people around him and the one who loved him (the LoA) did not seem to have enough agency to prevent what was done to him. Lucien loved Jesminda, no doubt, but is she who he would have chosen for himself? We aren't given hints that he was initially drawn to her, we're told she was drawn to him. Was he overwhelmed by the fact that someone made him their priority, that they wanted him and him alone when he had spent so much time being unwanted and that is why he dove into their relationship with his whole heart? Jesminda was his escape from a terrible life and I can understand why he put his everything into it, she would have been the brightest light in the darkness. He would have been willing to leave everything behind for her, the court, his title, but that's because those things were his curse. Had he loved his court, his family, his brothers, would he have still been willing to leave that all behind for a female who was too wild and free to remain trapped in a life with structure and expectation?

I realize it's important for Elain to choose Lucien but I think it's important for Lucien to also choose someone who hasn't made it easy for him. He did not have to put effort into Jesminda to win her heart, Jesminda made her intentions very clear and all Lucien had to do was say yes. He was able to easily find female companionship even after that (though it's evident he never opened himself up emotionally to any of them). So yeah, I think the Elucien stalemate is actually a good thing for Lucien because it shows that he longs for Elain even when she does not seem to be reaching out to him, is not chasing him. She is not his current escape from sadness, from loneliness and he's not clinging to her because it's the one good thing in his otherwise uncertain life. He still wants her despite the fact that she's part of the reason he is struggling (the hallmark of all epic love stories, am I right?). Lucien has suffered in his life, no doubt. But he has never suffered for a female to earn her love and that is the one thing that Elain can believe in if she's ever in doubt as to his desire to be with her. She is the one person who he wanted regardless of what she felt for him. She is the one person who he waited for, regardless of how long it took. She is the one female who didn't fall at his feet, making it easy for him which is proving to the reader that he would stand by her side through the highs and the lows and I hope we'll find that it's because of who Lucien has seen Elain to be and how she is exactly who he would have chosen for himself.

[kyywritess]

I always imagined what my funeral might look like; and here we are.

PROLOGUE: KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER

pairing: aged up!katsuki bakugo x fem!reader

summary: After six intense years in Japan, YN LN has firmly established herself as a renowned gym owner. She's known by many pros for her charm, strength, and boxing abilities. She has a strong support system and amazing friends... her life in Japan was everything she dreamed it would be.

But everything changes one fateful night when a mysterious package appears on her doorstep. No note, no return address—just a plain box wrapped with a single pearly pink ribbon. As she unravels the contents of the box, she’s drawn into a dark, twisted mystery that seems to reach deep into her own past—a past she thought she had buried when she left her old life behind.

word count: 1.6k

notes: eeee hi everyone! Im super excited to get this story started, I have spent countless days/nights brainstorming so many ideas and I absolutely fell in love with this version. The prologue and first few chapters may seem a little confusing, however I promise that everything will start making sense soon. I hope you guys end up loving it as much as I do!!

psa: I am a full time student, so I may not be able to upload as much as id like.

~~~

6 Years Ago

I always imagined what my funeral might look like; I just never expected to be watching it from across the street.

The air was sharp and chilly, biting against my skin and leaving a faint sting on the tip of my nose. A gust of wind stirred up a handful of dead leaves, auburn and gold, scattering them like ashes along the quiet road. Early winter was settling in, and with it came a certain lifelessness that matched the scene unfolding before me.

From where I stood, leaning against the cold metal of a black SUV, I watched my parents under the old oak tree, mourning the death of their only child. My mother’s dark coat fluttered around her as she knelt by the coffin, her head bowed. She had planned this funeral well—it was beautiful, graceful, even in its tragedy. Of course, it was. She had a way of making everything beautiful, even something as grim as burying her daughter.

My father, stoic as always, stood rigidly beside her. Not a single tear wet his cheeks, not even as the empty, bodiless coffin was lowered into the ground. As dirt began to pile onto the gleaming steel, he was the first to leave, pressing his lips tightly together, his face angled toward the overcast sky. I knew that look, the look he wore when he was praying without words. I felt his prayer, his silent goodbye, even from across the street.

“Hey,” a voice crackled in my ear, breaking the silence. The earpiece in my ear sputtered, static hissing through the line. “It’s time to go.”

I ignored the voice, lingering in this small, stolen moment a little longer. Turning my head, I spotted the hooded figure across the parking lot, watching me with an impatience I could feel even from this distance. Slowly, I pulled up the hood of my winter coat, cloaking my face in shadows. “Give me a minute,” I muttered into the mic, my voice low and sharp. “Or I’ll be the one standing at your funeral.”

I turned back to the cemetery, eyes fixed on my mother, who was still kneeling in the dirt, her fingers tracing invisible lines on the ground. With trembling hands, she kissed the earth, pressing her lips to the cold soil as if she could feel me through it, as if she could reach out and pull me back from wherever she thought I’d gone.

The urge to throw caution to the wind and run to her, to fall into her arms, gripped me with a fierce, aching intensity. It would be so easy to step out of the shadows, to rush across the street, and let her hold me one last time. But that part of my life was dead now, as dead as the girl they thought they’d lost.

I’d never see her again—the angel who raised me, the one who had loved me beyond measure. She would have been so proud of the woman I’d become, proud of my strength, my resolve. She would’ve told me I was selfless, that I was brave for walking away.

But if she knew the truth, if she knew I was still here, breathing the same air and treading the same streets, she’d curse me as the most selfish person she’d ever known. The monster who tore her child from her own arms, who left her to grieve an empty grave and a memory. I had stolen her greatest creation, and I knew it was a crime she could never forgive.

A fresh wave of cold seeped through my coat, slipping under my skin, and I shivered, feeling the weight of my decision press down on me. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, and I let them fall, bowing my head in silent mourning.

I love you, Mom, I thought, sending the words into the bitter wind. Please understand that I did this for you. For all of us.

And with that final prayer, I forced myself to turn away. The hooded figure across the parking lot was waiting, his shadowed face showing nothing but impatience. I took one last look at my mother, still kneeling by the grave, and swallowed the ache rising in my chest.

Then, before I could change my mind, I walked away from my past, leaving my heart buried under the dirt along with my former life.

As I walked across the parking lot, every step felt heavier than the last, like each footfall was anchoring me to the ground, begging me to turn back. But the figure waiting for me, draped in dark, weather-worn fabric, held out a gloved hand, ushering me into the next phase of my escape.

"Nice show back there," he murmured as I approached, his voice low and gravelly, barely audible over the hum of the nearby highway. His eyes, the only visible part of his face beneath the hood, glinted with something unreadable. Pity? Amusement? I didn’t care. I wasn’t here for his sympathy.

“I don’t need your commentary,” I snapped, ducking into the passenger seat of the car he led me to. The interior smelled faintly of old leather and rain, comforting in a strange way, though nothing felt comforting anymore.

He slid in behind the wheel, turning the ignition with a flick of his wrist. "Well, too bad," he replied with a smirk. "I’ve been doing this a long time, and you’re the first person I’ve ever seen actually show up to her own funeral."

I wanted to ignore him, but the irony wasn’t lost on me. "Guess I just needed to make sure they bought it," I muttered, casting a glance back at the cemetery as we pulled away. The oak tree, the line of mourners, my mother’s hunched figure—all of it faded into the distance, a ghostly tableau through the tinted windows.

He drove in silence for a while, only the sound of the engine filling the void. The highway stretched on, bleak and empty, and with each passing mile, I could feel pieces of my old life slipping further and further away. I didn’t ask where we were going. I knew the answer: nowhere. At least, nowhere anyone would think to look.

Finally, he spoke again, his voice softer this time. "You did the right thing, you know. Walking away like that… it’s not easy, but it’s the only way to stay alive."

"Easy for you to say," I replied, my voice barely a whisper. "You didn’t have to stand there and watch your family mourn you."

"No," he admitted, keeping his eyes fixed on the road. "But I know what it’s like to lose everything you care about in one choice." His gaze flicked toward me briefly, something haunted in his expression. "I wasn’t always… this."

I looked at him for the first time, really looked at him, noting the faint lines around his eyes, the way his jaw clenched as if he were grinding down old memories. But I didn’t pry. In this line of work, everyone had a past they preferred to leave buried. It was enough to know that, whatever he’d once been, it was long gone now.

We drove through the night, the car slicing through rain that had started to fall, droplets streaming down the windows and blurring the empty road ahead. I tried to rest, closing my eyes and leaning my head against the window, but every time I drifted close to sleep, the image of my mother, broken and grieving by that empty grave, snapped me awake.

Eventually, as the first light of dawn seeped into the sky, he pulled into a rundown motel on the edge of some small town I didn’t recognize. The neon sign flickers in and out, casting a pale red glow over the empty parking lot.

“This is your stop,” he said, shutting off the engine. He turned to face me, holding out a small envelope with a single key inside. “Room twelve. Lay low here for a few days while we set up your next location. Use the time to… adjust.”

“Adjust,” I echoed, the word feeling hollow. Adjust to what? To living as a ghost, to being a stranger to everyone I’d ever known?

But I took the key, knowing I had no other choice. “Thank you,” I murmured, though the words felt foreign in my mouth. He nodded, his expression softening just slightly.

“Get some rest.” he said, his voice gentler than before. “You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way.”

Without another word, he climbed back into the driver’s seat, and before I could respond, he pulled away, the car’s headlights vanishing into the distance. I stood alone in the parking lot, clutching the key and feeling the first chill of dawn prickling my skin.

Room twelve was small and dim, with faded wallpaper and a musty smell that clung to the air. I dropped my bag on the worn-out armchair, running a hand over my face and taking a deep, shuddering breath. The enormity of it all crashed over me like a wave—my funeral, my family’s grief, the finality of leaving behind everyone I loved.

I collapsed onto the bed, the springs groaning under my weight, and stared up at the ceiling, tracing the cracks in the plaster. It was strange, how silent everything felt. No phones ringing, no familiar voices in the next room. Just me, alone, in a nameless place, a ghost of the girl I used to be.

Somewhere out there, the world was moving on without me. My parents would heal. My friends would remember me fondly. And I’d remain here, drifting from one safe house to the next, surviving on anonymity and borrowed names.

[xclowniex]

So Israel can openly bomb a school that is a KNOWN. SHELTER. FOR. REFUGEES. and yet you won’t call their behavior “genocidal” simply because the proper channels won’t call it that (even tho there’s plenty of evidence proving that what they’re doing is the text book definition of genocide)

You say all the time to everyone else “listen to Israelis” but you tip toe around the Palestinians putting their lives on the line to expose what Israel is doing

Israel only bombs areas where hamas uses it as either a base or to carry out military operations. It a war crime by hamas to use civilian areas for those purposes. It still sucks and is a tragedy that those areas and buildings are getting destroyed, do not get me wrong, however the fault in the eyes of international law lies with Hamas not Israel.

If that is your logic for it being a genocide, then by your logic, it would be Hamas which is at fault for a genocide.

Again, I am going to trust those with relevent degrees and experiences relevent to calling it a genocide as your average person does not have all the information to call it one.

Your average person does not have all the information regarding military operations from both sides as well as how to properly interpret international law. I am literally simply just recognizing where I lack expertise and leaving it up to the experts, and I reccomend others do the same. Its not good to act like an expert in something you are not an expert in. It actually leads to spreading misinformation.

I would also like to say, how am I tip toeing? I have literally made multiple posts in support of Mosab Hasan Yousef who is a Palestinian who had to seek political assylum in the US so he would not get killed.

What do you expect me to do? Dedicate my whole blog? Do you not want me to talk about antisemitism and xenophobia? Because the thing is, my blog is mainly talking about those two things. Telling people to listen to and talk to Israelis is relevent to those two things. People 100% should be listening to Palestinians too. You are literally pulling a bean soup theory here. Aka don't ask an account who posts about bean soup recipies to post non bean soup recipies and instead find someone else who posts non bean soup recipies.

If you want to read a blog which is mainly about Palestinians, do find a blog which posts mainly about Palestinians. I am not going to give in to your idea of "anyone who talks mainly about antisemitism and Israelis must hate palestinians" as that is stupid. To use another analogy, just because I post mainly about pancakes does not mean i hate waffles.

[starfirewildheart]

Scars and Souvenirs 

Chapter 11

Summary: Sy and his lady both retire from the army but not before tragedy befalls Sy. He slowly tries to adjust to life again on their ranch.

Pairing: Sy / OFC

Word count: 2,869

Rating: mentions of war; being a POW, death and animal abuse. Nothing graphic I promise but if the fic continues (if y'all like it) I'll add warnings for each chapter. All mistakes are mine, sorry.

Scars and Souvenirs 

Chapter 11

(It's still the start to mid December and not Christmas yet.  I apologize but rl took over and I didn't have time to write  Sy and Debbie's holidays! Thanks for being patient and I hope you're still reading!)

Debbie was flitting around the kitchen baking cookies and preparing to make candies. Today was the day! Mike was coming to stay with them today. The judge decided that while the investigation of Mike's father was underway that Mike should be housed somewhere else and since Deb and Sy were going to put him to work on the ranch they would also take temporary guardianship of him. Just as she was taking a tray of cookies out of the oven and placing the pan on a cooling rack she heard them come. She nervously wiped her hands on a dish towel.

“Smells amazing in here sugar.” Sy gave her a kiss and wrapped an arm around her waist. He reached over and snatched a still hot cookie off the pan and took a bite.”Mmmmm, perfect!” He licked his lips. 

Deb swatted his arm, “they aren't finished!” She smiled over at Mike and handed him one of the cookies. “There is a damaged cookie pile for sampling,” She winked.

“ Thanks,” Mile grinned then took a bite. The sugary cookie just melted in his mouth.  It was the best cookie he'd ever had. “ It's good, thanks.” Mike was still unsure of exactly what was happening to him. No one had ever helped him  before and he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Did Sy give ya the tour of the stable and horses?”

“Yea,” he nodded. “It's sad that the animals were so abused.”

“People suck,” She nodded then paused, “most people I mean. Some people are nice.” She fidgeted for a moment and Sy laughed then leaned in and kissed her head.

“She says what she thinks,” he winked at Mike who grinned.

“So,” Deb bit her lip. “Would you like to put your stuff in your room?”

“I'm doing time. Am I not sleeping in the stable with the horses?” Mike sighed. “This is punishment,  right?”

Deb approached him and put her arm around his shoulders leading him towards his room, Sy grabbed Mike's bag as he followed. “Yes and no. This is your punishment for things that you did; however, this isn't jail.”

Mike looked around the bedroom they led him to. It was much bigger than the one at home and sparkling clean. It was plain, light grey walls, white borders, two bi windows with deep blue curtains and a matching comforter on the twin bed.

Sy and Deb leaned back against the dresser. “ There are rules here that will be followed or the court will take you straight to juvi,” Sy explained as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

“We get up early. We work hard all day no matter what the weather. It's hard, it's smelly but it's rewarding. We want to make the rules clear,  no surprises and be open and up front about our expectations,” Sy explained. 

Mike braced himself for what was coming. This was going to suck and he knew it. Things never worked out well for him. At least he would know what was expected of him and not be set up for failure just guessing at what they would want. “Ok.”

“Rule number one,” Deb said, “Know that you are safe here and you can talk to us about anything. “

“Rule number two,” Sy continued, “If you need anything,  tell us. We are not here to hurt you.”

Mike shifted uncomfortably and chewed on his lip. What was this? What were they trying to do? He crossed his arms and just listened. 

“Rule three,” Deb added “We expect you to do what we ask. It's hard work but you will always be safe. We will teach you everything we want you to do.”

“Rule four,” Sy said, “You will not leave the farm without us and we need to know where you are at all times.”

“Rule five,” Deb continued, “You keep all your meetings with the case worker and we join you at those meetings because right now we are actively your guardians.” She pushed away from the dresser and moved toward the door. “These aren't rules but,” She looked at Sy nervously.  “I know the room is plain because I'd like you to make it your own. Decorate it, put up posters, we can even go shopping and get you lamps and bedding you like. We are going to be working on cookies and candy most of the night and we would love it if you would join us.” She put her hand on his shoulder for a moment before going back to the kitchen.

“Take the time you need to settle, put your stuff away and acclimate to your surroundings. When you're settled you know where we'll be,” Sy nodded and left the room.

What the fuck was happening? People weren't this kind, never to him. This had to be some sort of set up, right? Who were these people?

~~~~♡~~~~

Debbie laughed as she swatted Sy's arm. “You are gonna make yourself sick like that.”

Sy, very unapologetically, licked the spoon full of frosting again. He'd confiscated the remainder of the large mixing bowl as soon as she had separated most of it into smaller bowls for coloring. He wasted no time samplithisng a spoon of the sugary mix and his eyes rolled back as he moaned with pleasure. “Why haven't you made  before?”

She stirred gel colors into the smaller bowls. “Well between the desert, then rehab and going straight into building this ranch we never really had time to play house,” She shrugged. “Thought it was now or never.”

He frowned at her, pausing with the spoon midway between the bowl and his mouth dripping more into his beard. “Now or never?”

Mike walked into the kitchen having decided to try to make the best of this situation.  He could hate them until he found out what kind of people they were, right? “So What ca….” He paused mid sentence and blinked at Sy. The man had white, frothy stuff all in his beard around his mouth. “Rabid bear,” he thought and apparently said out loud.

Debbie laughed but the more she looked at the frosting on Sy's face the more she lost it. She had tears in her eyes and giggle snorted pointing at her perplexed boyfriend.  “Porn star,” was all she managed before erupting into another fit.

Sy arched his brow thinking she had totally lost it as he looked between her and the frosting. What she was laughing at finally hit him.  The white frosting looked like cum all over his beard. “Oh funny,” he smirked at her. Moving quick as a flash he had her arms pinned to her sides with one of his around her waist. Taking the spoon out of the bowl he smeared it on her face as she struggled to get free.

“Austin Lee Syverson don't you .. You brat!” She huffed through her giggles. 

“What? I just wanted us to match.” He acted innocent but his burgeoning erection against her ass said anything but.

She turned her head toward him, kissing his cheek, smearing more icing on him before squirming free and getting some paper towels to wipe her face. “As you can see Sy has issues behaving,” She winked at Mike, who was trying really hard not to laugh and failing.

She took the spoon outta Sy's hand again and smeared some on Mike's cheek. “Now you match, “ She beamed. “Would you like to work on baking cookies, decorating cookies or making candy?”

Mike blinked and stepped back when he got icing-ed but laughed when Sy laughed and shook his head. “I…I'm not sure I would be good at any of it. I don't want to mess anything up.”

“Like you could make more of a mess than my grown-ass toddler? It's not about being perfect or even good at it, it's about having fun! We aren't on a baking competition to be judged. If it tastes bad we'll just make you eat it all,” She smirked and hugged an arm around Mike’s shoulders. I have some more drop cookies ready to bake. You and Sy working together can get through those and some crackle cookies while I work on these and we can move on to candy together.”  She set up what they needed and gave them directions on what to do. 

Sy and Mike worked well together talking and laughing easily. Sy fell into that leadership role like he'd never left it. He was firm, informative and fair to his men in Special Forces and was made to lead and help. It made Deb all tingly watching him in control.

 

They moved through the cookies quickly, both Mike and Sy eating several and soon getting a sugar rush. They were both laughing and zooming around talking about how good the sugar cookies Deb decorated looked. 

They, mostly Debbie with assists from Sy and Mike, made two types of fudge, chocolate covered pretzels, divinity, buckeyes, and truffles.  They even made cookie and yogurt treats for Aika. Conversation was easy and they moved fluidly like they knew what the other needed and it was shocking because they were strangers to each other but it felt like they'd known each other for a lifetime.  

The trio worked through lunch though the boys were stuffing themselves with cookies and candy.

“I don't know about you fellas but I'm tired after all of that,” Deb sighed as she closed the dishwasher and started it. Cleaning up was the worst part but they got it done. “I am desperately in need of a shower but afterward how about we order some pizza and watch movies tonight?”

“Sounds perfect to me,” Sy nodded.

“Sure,” Mike nodded. “I need a shower too.”

“When we were in Iraq we had to shower outside with cold water, which you would think is good in the desert right? But not at night when it's freezing cold. So… when we designed this house we agreed we would get a tankless hot water heater which means you can shower in your bathroom while I shower in the master.”

He was impressed having never heard of it but hot water was awesome. Sometimes his old man didn't even pay the utilities so he could buy more whiskey. Something she said just dawned on him. “Wait, I have my own bathroom?”

“You didn't explore your room?” She asked. 

Sy led Mike back to his room and opened the door near the foot of the bed. “I thought it was a closet,” Mike said as he stepped inside. It wasn't huge but it was still bigger than the one at home. 

“Closet is to the left kid,” Sy pointed. “You towels and washcloths are here as well as extra toilet paper,” he pointed to the things in the linen closet. “Over here,” he opened the medicine cabinet over the sink, “There is a new toothbrush if you need it as well as toothpaste. Mouthwash is here and I wasn't sure about shaving supplies but we can pick up what you need when we head into town if you want. I put the shower gel and shampoo I use in this shower for you but we can get the type you like in town too.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“We left you to explore your room but you didn't seem to get very far?” Sy explained. 

“No,” Mike shook his head. “Why are you being so nice to me? In juvi or foster places I'm just given the basic lice scrub down a bed and enough food to survive. Here I'm being treated like a..” he was searching for the word.

“Kid? A human and not a prisoner?”

“Yea,” Mike said softly.

“When Debbie met you she saw something in you. We asked about your case and your priors and she said we needed to help you.”

“You agree or do you just always do what she tells you too?”

Sy crossed his arms over his chest. “I'll be honest, the jury is still out for me. It’s a fifty-fifty chance for me. I think there's a chance you're a punk who has his old man's disdain for the law and feels untouchable because of it  or you're just a kid who was dealt a shit life with a shit father trying to survive the best way you can. I'm willing to get to know you to find out which one you are. I'll give you my trust and respect until you give me a reason not to. You keep acting like you are now, you keep getting treated Ike this. You fuck up you get to meet Captain Syverson and we start doing this military style. You prove to me that you don't want to be here or you hurt her in any way. I'll personally deliver you back to a jail cell and let the system take over.”

Mike took a moment to process what Sy said. Part of it pissed him off. How could anyone think he was like his father? He despised that man and was ashamed that people even knew they were related but Sy really didn't know him and had no way of knowing that. It was fair for Sy to want him to prove who he was, he couldn't fault him for that. “Fair enough,” he looked Sy in the eye and nodded.

Sy grinned and patted him on the shoulder then headed to his and Debbie's bathroom.

Deb was just finishing up with her shower when she heard the bathroom door open and close. “Everything ok?”

“Yea, just showed him where stuff was and talked a bit. He had questions about why we were being good to him.”

She smiled when she felt his arms wrap around her waist as she finished rinsing her hair. “Hi,” She grinned, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“Hi,” he rumbled as he nipped at her neck. 

She turned them so that he was under the spray and started washing him by scrubbing the stiff sugar out of his beard, chuckling as he moaned when she scrubbed with her nails. “Is my bear gonna start purring?”

“I don't purr, I rumble,” he insisted though his voice sounded serene.

“Mmmmhumm,” She nodded and continued to wash his body dropping to her knees to scrub his thick thighs. When she looked up at him his blue eyes were full of pure lust. His big hand cupped the back of her head as she leaned forward and pressed soft kisses along his hard shaft. Using her hand to stroke him she carefully worked his balls in her mouth knowing how much it drove him wild.

“Fuck,” he rasped as he fisted her hair. “Keep that up and this will be over quick sugar. 

She worked him with her hand as she slipped away from his balls letting them leave her mouth with a soft pop then lucked a stripe all the way up his cock. She pulled the foreskin back and licked and sucked the head then sucked him as deep into her throat as she could bobbing her head as she licked and sucked until his thighs were trembling, his moans were a litany of curses and his balls were tightening. With a wicked gleam in her eyes she soaped up her hand and reached up to cup his balls but instead rubbed across his puckered hole and slipped her finger in deep. He squeaked and clinched around her finger but before he could say anything she was pressing on his prostate causing an electrical storm of pleasure to roll through his entire body.

“Fuck Debbie, fuck, fuck, fuck!” He whined as his entire body trembled. He was caught between her hot mouth on his cock and that wicked finger touching his prostate and it was a vortex of pleasure. His entire body tinged and rolled as the orgasm ripped through him and he blew his load in her mouth pumping wave after wave of cum as she worked him through it only stopping when his moans turned to soft whines from over stimulation.  

Debbie smiled as she held him to her chest rocking him as they sat on the bench seat gently rubbing his face as he came down from his Endorphin high after washing her hand. “Hi there,” She smiled as he looked up at her with glazed eyes.

“Hi,” he leaned in to kiss her and his hand slipped between her legs. 

She gently moved his hand and kissed his pouty lips. “I want you so bad darlin but we have a kid waiting on us. Tonight? Please?”

He pressed another kiss to her lips and nodded. “I don't like this part. I want to be able to fuck you when and where ever I want to,” he growled. 

She shivered as she leaned against him. At least he still wanted her. Maybe things weren't as bad as she'd thought.

Tag List

@shellyshellshell

@enchantedbytomandhenry

@mrsevans90

@summersong69

@mollymal

@warriormirkwood

@bloodyinspiredme

@kneelforloki

[puckpocketed]

about

*had a wave of younger people follow me recently (hello will smith hockey enjoyers) that’s all g, this is a 99% sfw blog and anything otherwise will be marked properly. but my main blog @.sailorvee is not. i am an adult. you are the master of your own destiny etc etc. but please be aware that you might see nsfw content if you choose to also follow me there.

deepest and sincerest apologies if you came here because I was posting about one or more of your guys. this is a Sharks blog first and foremost. navigation, housekeeping, and tierlist below

This is a part-time Australian Ice Hockey League blog that follows the CBR Brave! I take photos of home games when I can, find them under -> #puck!cam Otherwise, feel free to filter #auspuck.

When not LARPing as my local team’s socmed manager:

I write essays about hockey -> #my writing

all gifs i've made filed under -> #puck!gif specific team tags will look like this: #p!gif:[team abbreviation] eg. #p!gif:sharks, #p!gif:wings

transcripts -> #puck!script

gif requests -> #p!gif:req

I also gif my guys and their goals, passing sequences, poke checks, plays that go nowhere, little things I think are super cool -> #puckpocketed details series

I poke around at prospects and produce very unserious vibe checks, filed under -> #puckscouting

I also paint once in a blue moon. watch out!!!!

TIERLIST & politics

Sharks Hockey first always forever ! <3

keeping things light. no enemies only babygirls i havent met!

The most narratively satisfying things are tragedies and tragicomedies!!! All Things Through Her (The Bit)

players aren’t their orgs. If I say I like a team, this doesn’t mean I like every player, and vice versa!!

The narratives are lying to you!!! LOOK PAST THEM. THE HOCKEY TELLS THE TRUTH!!!!!

I love hockey SO much !! Love of the game comes before ANYTHING, including teams!!! Talk to me about strategy. Show me spinoramas and ankle breaking dekes and head fakes and set plays. Talk to me about face-offs and your favourite underrated blorbo.

no seriously please send me propaganda i love propaganda i am a hair trigger away from adopting new guys. i've done it mid-game and id do it again!!!!!!!!!!!

Team rivalries don’t matter to me. My girls are beating the hell out of each other? The beautiful gaeme ...

i’m here for a laff and it truly aint that serious <3

Do Not expect me to have any couth about the CBR Brave!! I keep things light with the NHL but all that doesn’t apply here — I WILL be spiteful and unhinged!! im sorry the sports nationalism got to me!!!

that being said: CALIFORNIA SWEEEP!

housekeeping

hey please dont be weird in the tags of my posts about teams/players i clearly like. yeah even That Team. i don't want to hear about how you hope someone "escapes" or how much you hate xyz player. make your own post.

this is a non-rpf blog. I might lean into the narratives but tbh I’m not into men and don’t get much out of romantic shipping. Nothing against it though! I think everyone should engage with hockey however they like as long as it does no harm to themselves or others. Ride that ship into the sunset my loves we are holding fins 👍

gifs, videos, memes, photos by me will come described with alt text. I try my best as someone who has used a screenreader in the past, but please let me know if I miss anything.

30/07/2024 sources for any media i post will be linked to a live site + using the wayback machine when I can, or just live websites when I can't (in the case of youtube videos). yeah ok i finally gave in @ that one anon calling this wikipedia editor behaviour you are correct and WHAT OF IT!!!!!!!

5/08/2024 - NOTE live website links always precede archive links whether I label them or not. if there is no link 'pair' it means the wayback machine can't snapshot the link i put up. In the case of twitter/instagram and other such sites that require a logged in device to view certain pages i will do my best to grab the direct img link and archive that.

[ link 1, archive link // link 2, archive link ] <- self explanatory, long form.

[ x, x ] <- single source of media, will use for aesthetic purposes on gifsets and formal web weaving. same with: [ x || y // x || y ] <- "//" double slash denotes a new source, x is the live link, y is the archive link.

if a link or source is not immediately obvious I may have: 1) done an in-line link, click any underlined or bold-underlined text; 2) I might have missed it by mistake, please be patient and maybe shoot me a flag about it in my inbox/dms if you want !!! we are all human and I'm doing my best <3

I'm aware this is not the most fastidious archival practice! my goal isn't to be the arbiter of archival standards for sourcing. I don't know how long I'll love hockey or these teams, how long tumblr will be around, but going from here I'd just like this blog to be a place where fans years from now can come back to and not have to do as much digging as I did to source media.

[themculibrary]

Female Character-Centric Masterlist 2

part one

5 Times MJ Made a Friend (+1 Time She Wanted More) (ao3) - juurensha mj/peter G, 3k

Summary: It’s hard moving to a new school, but maybe hanging out with a bunch of nerds is exactly what MJ needs. Also, she tells Spiderman to call her MJ because really, who does Peter think he’s kidding?

A glimpse from future (ao3) - Kanelore N/R, 20k

Summary: Peggy Carter has seen a lot of unusual things in Stark mansion, specially when walking into Howard’s lab after hearing a sound of explosion, but she never expected this “Howard, why am I seeing a kid in your lab?”

You know all those fics where Howard comes to the future? Well basically in this, kid Tony goes back in time where Howard is much better.

A Head Full of Doubt/A Road Full of Promise (ao3) - sergeant_angel G, 210k

Summary: There are a lot of stories that don’t quite fit into Riptide (or, Kate’s story isn’t the only one that’s going to be told)

A Morbid Taste for Ice (ao3) - sitehound darcy/loki M, 198k

Summary: Darcy Lewis likes to think of herself as terribly adaptable, with an “If life gives you lemons, zap life with a Taser and demand chocolate” sort of attitude. And life, lately, has had a perverse sense of humor, first trapping her in a state of perpetual Science Assistant in the armpit of New Mexico known as Puente Antiguo; and then forcing her to live in a trailer home with Jane Foster, Jane’s guy, Thor, and his brother, Loki, master of mischief and wide-scale urban renewal.

But Darcy’s not about to let her situation get her down. She’s managed to get pretty good at her job, and with liberal application of a credit card, made her rustic house a home. And wielding a Taser and armored by her snarky wit, she’s more than a match for the God of Mischief.

Stumbling face-first over the frozen body of a friend on the front porch, however, is more than even mostly unflappable Darcy can handle. The obvious suspect is her mentally unstable roommate. But despite all his other faults, Darcy is certain Loki isn’t the perpetrator. And not just because she’s starting for fall for him….

an exchange of voices in repetition (ao3) - sandyk pepper/tony M, 4k

Summary: Pepper hadn’t really thought about the difficulties of planning a wedding around all the rest of her life.

Beckoning from Beyond the Mirror (ao3) - ParanoidInPink G, 29k

Summary: It’s Halloween night. Cassie Lang is getting ready for the evening when she’s met with an apparition and tragedy strikes. She is the first of many to fall into a fatal, comatose-like state that doctors can’t explain. Scott is desperate and turns to the only man he knows who could possibly cure the supernatural scourge. Little did he know of the adversary he’d soon have to face.

Bygone (ao3) - inkbert darcy/steve N/R, 88k

Summary: While Jane and Thor search the universe in order to find Darcy after a lab accident, Darcy wakes up still on Earth, just decades in the past. Darcy continues to travel through time, skipping ahead years at a time, and staying for as little as a few months or for as long as a year. She has a rock-solid friendship with Rebecca Barnes, and Howard Stark on Fridays at six to see her through.

Cassie & Peter Being Buds (ao3) - whumphoarder G, 8k

Summary: The adventures of Peter babysitting 10-year-old Cassie Lang.

come over (we don’t need no reason why) (ao3) - anyorangeslices scott/hope E, 39k

Summary: ‘Hope van Dyne really hates dating apps, but she doesn’t let that stop her from using them.’

Hope matches with Scott on Tinder. They try - and fail - to keep things casual.

darkness will be rewritten (ao3) - princessironspider natasha/tony N/R, 104k

Summary: Peter is Tony’s biological child.

Natasha Romanoff has been married to Tony Stark secretly for years.

What would the movies be like if this were the case?

Finding Family (ao3) - aparticularbandit wanda/vision M, 374k

Summary: When America begins universe-hopping again to try and find her moms, she realizes that’s too much scope for her. She looks for smaller scope, and instead she finds Wanda.

five times Laura Barton opened her door (and one time a door was opened for her) (ao3) - twistedingenue clint/laura G, 7k

Summary: She’s been making her life here, where things are quiet and uncomplicated, and uprooting herself would — well, there are things she’d rather not do and risks she’d rather not take anymore.

Forged in Sparks (ao3) - SailorChibi T, 8k

Summary: Being kidnapped by Hydra wouldn’t be anyone’s idea of fun, and that included Shuri. She had no idea what Hydra wanted with her - or with the scruffy, skinny man in the cell right next to her.

Gamora, You’re a Fine Girl (ao3) - Meraki_fics gamora/peter G, 4k

Summary: Gamora has never been good at emotions, being raised by a genocidal maniac does that to a person. Emotions are a weakness, at least that’s how Thanos raised his borrowed children. Emotions were not something she ever spent time on or paid any attention to. However, in her new home with her new family, emotions were something to be aware of.

Hold Back The River (ao3) - GoddessOfDestruction hank/janet G, 7k

Summary: Seven snippets, seven years of Hope’s life and her relation with Hank (and Janet) from her birth to the day Hope learned about her mother’s alleged death.

i just want to make a change (ao3) - subwaycars kate/america G, 24k

Summary: After everything, America is the constant Kate expected least.

Laura (fanfiction.net) - Danzinora Switch clint/laura T, 8k

Summary: Snapshots and scenes through the years of Laura’s life; mainly focusing on her relationship with Clint.

oh no! (ao3) - grimeysociety darcy/steve, pepper/tony E, 89k

Summary: Tony Stark is running for President, and he wants Darcy Lewis to run his campaign. She must navigate the new world of dirty politics and grandstanding, with her rival campaign manager Steve Rogers complicating every part of her professional and personal life.

One Tuesday Morning in Wakanda (ao3) - hantumomo G, 4k

Summary: To help Bucky, Shuri sets herself a dangerous task.

Angst, a not-so-secret admirer, a gender non-conforming AI, and minor goaty shenanigans add to the fun.

She’s With Us (fanfiction.net) - Annabelle536 T, 45k

Summary: In hindsight Wanda should’ve known she wasn’t joining a team…she was joining a family. And each member made her feel like she was part of it, in their own little way. Complete. Now with an epilogue!

take me back (ao3) - jaybaybay T, 47k

Summary: Peter and Shuri are kidnapped by a gang of bandits who demand ransom money for the princess of Wakanda. They’ll soon find out that they have more than one prize in their grasp.

Violets in Bloom (ao3) - StoriesbyReese peggy/angie T, 61k

Summary: The story of Peggy Carter and Angie Martinelli following S2 of Agent Carter.

It begins when Peggy returns from L.A. with a new understanding of her feelings for her best friend and flatmate, but will she be able to act on this new understanding? Angie has always known how she feels, but she doesn’t think Peggy feels the same.

What will life have in store for them if and when they go get their act together?

An exploration of what could have been for Peggy and Angie and their life together. This story follows the pair through their lives.

[vvritingmf]

RP Partner Search | 21+

Hello.ᐟ.ᐟ I go by V or my pen name, VV. I got recommended tumblr through a friend who also role-plays, so I’m here to see if I can meet some awesome writers. I’m 22 and prefer my partners to be around the same, however, as long as you are 18+, I’ve really got no qualms.

Experience details listed below:

I’m a very flexible person when it comes to writing, however I cannot say I am great at all. My main weaknesses are probably action and superheroes, but these are just some of the few topics I have done otherwise.

Fantasy

Tropes & Themes that I love or correlate:

Greek Gods, Goddesses, Deities

Mythology

Bestiary/Faeries/Demi-Humans

Sci-Fi, Futuristic, Dystopian, Cyberpunk, Bionic

Opposites attract: Light>Dark, Sun>Moon, Fire>Water, Healer>Destroyer

Merfolk, Sirens, Pirates

Hunter>Hunted

Historical

Tropes & Themes that I love or correlate:

Southern small town horrors: (20’s-80’s)

Medieval Evils: witch hunting, wounded>healer

Westward Expansion/Wild West: Bounty Hunter>Outlaw, Loner>Wanderer

Ancient Egypt/Japan/Rome/Greece: Assassin>Victim

WWI-II/Other: star-crossed lovers, enemies to lovers to enemies, woman guised as militia>unknowing comrade/enemy (mulan moment⚔️)

Mafia: 90’s realistic only, bodyguard>daughter/son

London High Society: Arranged marriage, Klutz>Pessimist

(While all of these are great, I am a sucker for new tropes and ideas, so please introduce me to some of your interests!)

General

More info about me and my preferences!

Dead Dove; Do NOT Eat — As much as I love writing goody-two-shoes characters, sometimes I simply want to write someone morally grey, or perhaps even a bit psychotic… Those who are familiar with dead dove know that it includes mature and sensitive topics, such as non-con, NSFW aside! That being said, I will never abuse this right and all topics are sure to be discussed with my RP partner before hand.ᐟ.ᐟ

Gender Preference: I often find myself writing male leads as opposed to female, but this is solely because I am having to compensate and or carry a plot by myself majority of the time. With male characters, I simply find arrogance easier to strike up interactions with, however I would love to actually be able to play a female character; it depends heavily on the plot. I’m predominately MxF, but with side characters I am open to MxM and FxF, (romance awakening/forbidden love subset mainly.)

NSFW: I am not strict on many of my rules but substituting plot for smut is not tolerated. I am willing to write it but in order for any sort of NSFW, things need to progress naturally. I would prefer a partner who prioritizes world building and plot planning first and foremost.

Requirements: As I am not daily active on discord, I am looking for a lax but serious role-play partner who is literate novella minimum. I frequently exceed the discord message limit, sometimes even four times over. However, this is not a standard for myself; I simply tend to write a lot when I am invested in a story. By no means do you have to match this; I simply ask that you give me something to work with and I will do the same in return. Trust me, I’m not always in the mood to meet a word criteria, I wouldn’t expect you to be either! I need a long-term partner who is willing and understanding of schedules and writers-block. These are two things I struggle with often, but I am writing this ad because I truly want to get on the grind again and meet someone who will bring fresh ideas to the table, as well as still pick up after a week of inactivity… :)

Other: I will not always use face claims, because sometimes celebrities and acclaimed actors just don’t do characters justice. Regardless, I will always give a description in writing or perhaps find some oil art or sketch that best represents my OC. I’m probably not very traditional in the sense that I do not follow all usual discord RP rules; I don’t even know half the jargon. Some more general tropes I love include age gaps, tragedy ending, anti-heroes, redemption, apprentice/mentor to mentee, & unique character impairments.ᐟ.ᐟ

Friend my Discord if you’re interested! (1x1)

(Ive a two role-play maximum so that way I am able to focus. Full currently but if you’d like to be friends I’m so down.) Current: 2/2

[tyklianzi]

Hii love your translation to pieces! How have you been? Have you been reading/watching any other media (aside from TYK) recently that u would rec?

Hello! Thank you so much for your message! I'm kind of in the mud trenches rn but I am very happy to be remembered ❤️❤️❤️

I am going to ramble a lot so sorry about that and thanks for giving me permission to do so.

I would have a hard time putting together "recs for someone who enjoyed TYK", because I think it's an unusual type of story. It's about a protagonist who's so tired of being a main character (or even a secondary character). All he wants is to be a side character who enjoys himself and isn't important enough to get hit by plot shrapnel. I remember @specialability making the astute observation that TYK has a lot in common with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. What do side characters do, when the main characters aren't on stage? But TYK emanates joy that you don't find in the other existentialist stories I've read (which may say more about my own deficiency than the genre itself). Zhou Zishu is dying, but he finds a lot of happiness in spending every day exactly as he wants to. Taking care of Zhang Chengling, untangling the Glazed Spiral mystery, and messing around with Wen Kexing: this is all meaningful to him because it's how he wants to spend the rest of his life. However short that life may be.

That being said, since you gave me permission, I'm going to talk about what I've read recently!

One Hundred Years of Solitude (Gabriel Garcìa Márquez) left a really strong impression on me. I guess because the characters in the Buendía family (the novel tells this family's story) trap themselves into lives that they don't enjoy at all. Some of them live for a hundred years or more, but they never find the companionship and happiness that they crave. I wish I could say more about this story, but it really made me want to read more magic realism, and learn about Latin American history to understand the context.

I watched AMC's Interview with the Vampire and it ate my brain. One similarity between the Vampire Chronicles and Faraway Wanderers is that their television adaptations tore apart the source material to make something new. And I love what they did with Interview with the Vampire, because they kept what was so interesting from the books: the struggle between a vampire's murderous, predatory nature, and their moral sense as a sapient being. The show also makes explicit the parallel between this struggle and Louis' struggle with his queerness: should he live in hypocrisy, condemning his true nature even though he can't change it? Or should he abandon the moral scruples that (in his mind) connect him with his vestigial humanity? It makes sense to me, and I love the story of the show. There are some elements I miss from the books, but to me, the show surpasses the sum of its parts.

I'm currently reading Tolkien's Silmarillion! I guess one thread that unites the three works I've mentioned today is "unbelievably messy family drama". Which again, is notably missing from TYK...but it is one of my personal favorite ingredients. Elf aristocratic infighting goes off the chain like nothing else. The Silmarillion is a tragedy, you know? When you read the Lord of the Rings, you feel that the most spectacular days of this world have passed already. You see those splendors in the Silmarillion and know that they're doomed. It's a lot more gothic than I expected. I have to space out how much I read at a time. I've just started Beren and Lùthien, which promises to deliver something of a breather.

Sorry again for this massive wall of text. I love to chat. Come back again anytime. Haha!

[hotasfahrenheit]

OH YEAH HERE'S MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT 1000 YEARS OLD TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS BUT IN A NEW DIRECTION YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT EXPECTING

i could be making gifs to hurt your feelings right now but instead courtesy of me and @poetry-protest-pornography rotating our blorbos in conversation for the past hour or however long it's been i don't even know anymore:

in the final scene of the finale, Somchai comments on the fact that everyone is dead now.

what if the others, Kamsai, Shin, Jam- what if they're all tied into the loops and reincarnations and Yoh and Pun too?

what if they've been reincarnating at Yoh's side- depending on whose spirit is available when because of Yoh's shorter life spans caused by Somchai and Janja killing him repeatedly- so that he's not alone as he has spiraled around Pun for hundreds of years?

what if this life wasn't just the right circumstances for Janja to finally let go of Pun so that he could have a full life with Yoh, but everyone's reincarnations lining up so that they could ALL have a full life together?

i am a firm believer that soulmates aren't limited to the person or people you are in love with, but that friends and family can be tied together too, and thinking about ALL of them spiraling around this love story and repeated tragedy until this time it was right for all of them

like what if Yoh's dad could instantly see that they were in love because he's seen them in love in lifetime after lifetime after lifetime--

[apollosgiftofprophecy]

Warning: Rant ahead. Do not read if you wanna avoid me venting about the wider RRverse fandom & their attitude toward the TOA fans.

Seriously. This is a vent post. Stay away if you don't wanna risk getting upset. I just need a place to get it off my chest. It's been stewing in my head for long enough and I usually feel better if I write it down/type it down somewhere. Makes my chest feel less tight.

Stay safe <3

"No one is treating you guys like outcasts!"

"With your annoying POV-"

"Everyone was so OOC-"

"Meg is such a Mary Sue-"

SHUT UP

SHUT UP

SHUT UP

THIS IS WHY I STICK TO THE TOA FANDOM.

THIS IS WHY I BARELY INTERACT WITH THE LARGER PJO FANDOM.

THIS IS WHY I GET ANXIOUS ABOUT SAYING I LIKE TOA ON A DIFFERENT PLATFORM THAN TUMBLR.

BECAUSE. OF. THIS.

Recently, I have left a comment on a Youtube video. All in all, it was basically just me listing off reasons why I liked TOA and - in hindsight - naively going "idk why people don't like it".

Top Ten things said before disaster.

The next day, I got two comments.

One was along the lines of-

"Don't care."

The other was-

"Jasper broke up and Jason died - it's not canon to me!"

...

Excuse me for having an opinion, I guess.

What sucks even more is that when a fellow TOA commented to me, the second guy ALSO responded to them with "yeah but PJO and HOO are still better maybe even MCGAA to"

Like what the fuck. who does this. who has the time????

people who don't have a life, i guess.

And then. and then this same person just Keeps Going when I replied. They said "TOA's an AU" and "It relies too heavily on cameos" and then turns around and says "this would have been better if *proceeds to give a list of cameos* were with Apollo instead of Meg"

like. URGHHHHH.

They. Complain. About. Every. Single. Thing.

Even Tristan McLean going broke. And wishing "something" had been done to "fix" it.

Like fixing something of that caliber would be easy. One of TOA's things is that it deals with Reality - and I get it, some people may not like that, especially for a fantasy series - but come on. You can't expect everything to be fine and dandy 24/7 about a series of GREEK MYTHOLOGY, THE CREATOR OF TRAGEDY.

Then they went on to say they hoped that if the show gets to HOO, they "fix" its ending so TOA doesn't happen.

...BRO HOO ONLY EXISTS FOR TOA TO SHINE. RICK'S FAVORITE CHARACTER TO WRITE IS APOLLO AND THAT'S A PILL YOU NEED TO SWALLOW.

they also went on to say that TOA is "example of a story that overstayed its welcome" and i'm just. GAHHHHHHHH *screams into pillows*

"we got new characters in PJO & HOO-"

Me: *can literally name off 27 new characters from TOA from the top of my head*

Them: You need to respect other people's opinions-!

Me: SAYS THE GUY WHO INVADED MY COMMENT??? WHO LITERALLY CALLED ME ANNOYING??? WHO'S COMPLAINING ABOUT A CHILDREN'S SERIES??? AND REFUSED TO AGREE TO DISAGREE WHEN I GAVE YOU THE OPTION???

Them: There's a reason why people don't like TOA. Can you guess? Because we didn't read the book? Nope i read all 5 and the reason is it's not as good as the others-

Me: bro that's not even a solid REASON-

The condensation on that last one really pissed me off.

What was especially baffling, however, was...

Them: I am pretty sure you have hidden opinions that make you like ToA, like maybe you are LGBTQ or LGBTQ Supporter-

WHAT. DOES. MY. SEXUALITY. HAVE. TO. DO. WITH. THIS.

THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

and as a matter of fact, what are they even implying here??? it just sounds like they're saying I must only like TOA because of the queer rep and I can tell you that reason is bullshit.

(I love the queer rep dw it's just not the #1 reason why i love TOA)

also here's a full list of the characters they said were 'OOC': Piper, Frank, Leo, Calypso, Hazel, & Reyna.

A few of these, I understand the confusion (but also disagree with) - but FRANK? FRANK ZHANG WAS OOC?

AT THIS POINT THEY'RE JUST LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT.

(In another person's comment about loving TOA they also went "well there's no Percabeth in it-" OH MY GODS JUST STOP ALREADY.)

It was especially infuriating when I pointed out the hate the TOA fans in the comments experience, they replied with "Nobody's treating you like outcasts!"

TELL THAT TO EVERY TOA FAN WHO'S GOTTEN HATE!

TELL THAT TO ME WHO JUST GOT HATE FOR IT.

just. AJHGSFGH. people. some people.

I want to block them. But youtube has removed that feature (thanks a lot youtube).

I'll stick it out. I am point-blank telling them to drop it. We'll see how that goes.

just...people. Guess you still can't have an opinion, huh?

Jokes on them they merely fueled my stubborn fire. I only love TOA more now. The harder they argue, the tighter I cling.

Anyway. If you've stuck it out this far, thanks for listening. I just really needed to vent. It's been bugging me for a few days and ruining my mood every time I open up youtube.

No response is needed, btw - again, needed a place to vent.

ToA fans, you're the best <3 Love ya <3

[guardiangeologist]

Luigi's Uncharacteristically Large and also maybe Haunted House (3DS Edition): A Highly Professional Review

The entire time I've had this blog, I haven't really been sure what to use it for. I've settled on spewing my unscripted thoughts on whatever Game of the Week I've played most recently because, quite frankly, where else are they gonna go? I love my girlfriend, but these words are destined for a wider platform. I must expand my horizons. So here I am, talking about cartoon ghosts and green vacuum-wielding Italian men on the internet.

Now, let me tell you, this green man and his stupid house have been in control of my entire brain like some fucked up Italian Ratatouille for at least 10 years. I was a Luigi's Mansion Kid. What do I mean by that? I mean I roleplayed Luigi's Mansion on the school playground when I was in the 3rd grade. With the other Luigi's Mansion Kids. So it's safe to say I have some experience when it comes to this game. At times, he goes dormant. He waits patiently for another hyperfixation to pass. However, just when I least expect it, he returns from the grave (almost like a ghost?) to stage a military occupation of my frontal lobe to last the next few months.

So, there's my history. I ended up finally picking up the 3DS version of this game just before the eShop shut down (rest in piss) for shits and giggles, and only just got around to playing it this week while laying in bed with a migraine. (maybe not the smartest decision?) I mean, to start with, why was this game released for the 3DS? It came out in October 2018, at which point we were already an entire year post-Switch. I mean, I guess it would be fine, but it's just so obvious that being on the 3DS holds this game back in so many different areas (which I will get to, be patient!) and it's seriously a tragedy it hasn't been ported to Switch yet. Why put together such an amazing remake, and then bottleneck it with lackluster hardware and release it on a nearly out of service console?

In terms of positive changes? LOADS of QoL stuff. I might even go as far as to call this the definitive version of the game in spite of the few drawbacks it does present. Some examples include:

Re-fighting portrait ghosts: NO MORE RESETS!!! (Ok still some resets for speedy spirits because there's no way in hell I'm staying in the blackout for longer than I have to but that's just part of The Experience)

You can go back to the Lab from the Mansion by exiting through the front door. Finally, Luigi has learned how to open doors!

The tougher post-game Hidden Mansion, originally exclusive to the PAL version, has finally been made available to us worthless money-grubbing Americans! (Minus the disorienting flipped rooms, which I found pretty disappointing but some people will probably celebrate.) You can even get platinum ghost portraits from the Hidden Mansion which I have yet to obtain all of because jesus christ it is not easy to defeat a ghost with 150 health in a single attempt.

And now, the ghostly elephant in the room: co-op. I did try it, with my little brother as my Gooigi guinea pig. It's...I mean...honestly, it's not great. If you want to play LM1 with a friend, I can honestly recommend a ROM hack of the GameCube original more than I can recommend Nintendo's official multiplayer, which is pretty lame. For one, nothing is scaled up difficulty-wise to account for the extra player, so most battles in the game become trivial with the addition of a second experienced player (not my little brother.) But secondly, and most importantly:

the LAG.

DEAR GOD THE LAG.

I can testify that our internet is fine. The internet is not the issue, and even if it were, it shouldn't take any more bandwidth to play this game than it takes for two 3DS systems that are within 3 feet of each other and 10 feet from a router to communicate with each other. Yet, the game did not once run at full speed on either screen the entire time we played. Additionally, my brother complained several times that he couldn't even move his character. Luigi's Mansion with two players SHOULD be a chaotic mess, but adding the piddly framerate on top of it makes the game nearly unplayable.

That being said, the co-op is a disappointment, but it was never necessary for the game to be a satisfying package overall, it's better than having nothing. Though, as is typical, the work of fans definitely triumphs over Nintendo's official product in this department.

Oh, and they still didn't fix the oversight which causes you to lose the second gold diamond if you die after collecting it because the game prompts you to save while it's still on the ground... No A-Rank for me, I guess.

Mm, yes, the controls, yeah, those exist. This is one of those spots where I feel this game could have easily benefitted from just being developed for the Switch. Instead of forcing a dual-stick game onto a dying handheld with a single circle pad, maybe we could've, like, released it for the dual-stick console/handheld that was already out and had a perfectly established user base? They tried to substitute the c-stick with the gray alien nipple- or uhh..."circle pad pro"...that comes pre-installed on the New Nintendo 3DS, but it does not work well. The nub just isn't responsive enough to substitute for an entire stick, and if you want it to be a real circle pad, you have to buy an external attachment. Not to mention the nub isn't even available on every 3DS model! So like, yeah, I understand they made an honest attempt to work around the controller issues, but a better workaround would've been to just...not curse this game to irrelevancy by trapping it on a dying console.

All of that said, I spent all week playing this game, so they did something right. Curse my brain worms.

11/10 will buy this game and its sequels again every time Nintendo re-releases them.