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forabeatofadrum · 2 years ago

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End of the line

Summary: The New Directions and others return to Lima for the 10 year anniversary of Finn’s death.

Notes: For Cory.

AO3

Tracy Hummel-Anderson loves having a full house, and her grandparents’ house is filled to the brim with her dads’ friends.

Kurt doesn’t have the heart to explain to a three year old what death means and why they’re all here. Tracy knows of Finn and she knows that he is no longer around, but she doesn’t fully understand why yet.

Tracy is hugging everyone’s legs and giving flowers that she picked in the garden. When she hands one to Carole, Carole tries very hard to not burst into a new round of tears. That’s Kurt’s cue to step in.

“Come on, Tracy,” he picks her up and carries her away from Carole.

“Do you think grandma loved the flower?” she asks.

“I think she loved it,” Kurt answers earnestly. Carole loves everything that Tracy makes, but today is just weird. It’s been ten years since Finn died. Every year, the New Directions try to get together to commemorate, and it doesn’t always work, but everyone made time to be here for the 10th anniversary.

Kurt puts her down so that she can hang around with the other kids. His friends have kids. He and Blaine were the first, but Rachel and Jesse’s daughter soon followed. Tina and Artie surprised everyone, including themselves, with twins. Brittany and Santana are looking into it as well. The New Directions are growing up.

Well, apart from Finn. He never made it past 19. He would’ve turned 29 this year.

What would his life had looked like? Everyone thought he’d end up with Rachel. He was working on becoming a teacher.

Kurt shakes his head. He’s helping no one with this. When Finn first died, Kurt couldn’t stop thinking about all these possible scenario’s, because it felt so unfair that he died. Kurt still thinks it’s unfair, but he stopped torturing himself.

The 10 year anniversary just brings back feelings.

Kurt walks back to his parents. His dad is talking with Sam about the time Sam and Finn competed for the position of quarterback. Carole, who still looks like a mess, laughs over a memory that Tina shared with her, only to fall silent again.

The mood is off. Tracy is right to think that it’s fun to be together with everyone, because Kurt also loves seeing everyone again, but it’s also under a weird circumstance.

A photo of Finn has been put on prominent display, with the date of his birth and death presented underneath. There’s a small line between them. Puck once said that it’s weird how that one life represents an entire life and it’s true. How does one line capture 19 years of a life well-lived?

It’s so weird to think that Finn’s already reached the end of his line.

Tracy apparently got bored being around the other kids, because she’s walking around again, amusing everyone. Quinn gives her a piece of candy from her pocket, Artie has his camera out and he films her skipping around the room, Mike twirls her around, and so on. Tracy loves her honourary aunts and uncles and they love her.

She eventually ends up at Blaine, who carries her to Kurt.

“Are you having fun?” Kurt asks.

Tracy nods happily and Kurt smiles. Kurt and Blaine make eye contact and Blaine nods.

“Go to daddy, Tracy,” Blaine says and he hands her to Kurt, “He wants to show you something.”

“Oh?”

Kurt takes her to Finn’s photograph. Tracy has grown a lot, so he needs both arms to carry her, so he can’t pick up the photo. Instead, he bends his knees and lowers Tracy.

“Uncle Finn!” Tracy says.

“Indeed,” Kurt says and he feels a lump in his throat. He’s still Tracy’s uncle. “We’re all here for him.”

“Why?” Tracy asks. She has a puzzled look on her face and it’s adorable.

“Because we miss him,” Kurt answers.

He realises that the room has gotten silent. He doesn’t want to look around, but he knows others are watching him and Tracy.

“Is this his party?” Tracy asks and Kurt lets out a teary laugh.

He wants to say that it’s not a party, and that people can come together for different reasons, and that today is a sad day, but then he thinks about her words.

Kurt will never celebrate Finn’s death. Never. The thought alone is baffling.

But he thinks of today. Everyone’s come to his parents’ house for Finn. People are trading stories and other fun memories. Photos and videos are passed around and despite the weird atmosphere, everyone is having a good time. It’s nice to come together and talk about the person they all miss so dearly.

“I guess so,” Kurt says, “A party to celebrate your uncle. That’s one way to see it.”

“Will there be cake?” Tracy asks. Of course she thinks of cakes. She mostly goes to birthday parties.

“We can have a cake,” Kurt’s dad cuts in, before Kurt can answer, “Right, Carole?”

Kurt finally turns around and as expected, all eyes are on him and Tracy, apart from his dad’s. He’s looking at Carole. Carole’s eyes are wet.

“Yes,” she eventually says, “Yes, we can. Chocolate fudge. His favourite.”

“I’ll drive down to the bakery!” many people volunteer at once, which makes everyone laugh. There will definitely be cake now.

“Yay!” Tracy claps her hands and Kurt hugs his daughter closer. He’s sad that Finn’s never got to met her, but she’s here and Kurt will keep the memory of his brother alive for her. He won’t be the only ones. Everyone in this room will remember Finn and as Tracy said, they will continue to celebrate him.

#glee #ficlet #i guess #anyway how y'all doing gleeks #holy fuck I wrote #2023 #unbeta'd yada yada i wrote this in a rush of emotions cause it has been 10 years wtf

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bayofwolves · 1 year ago

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okay new kunaya headcanon bc she's part of the main cast in path of the heroes. (she just tags along with abeke and uraza at all times so she gets to be an honourary hero of erdas)

i've been subconsciously making her very intelligent, moreso than the average cat, able to communicate with the kids in all but human speech and grasp situations almost as well as they do -- and i never stopped to think about why. but then i had this awesome idea: what if kunaya is special?

my headcanon is that at least one of kunaya's parents was a spirit animal. somebody's black cat spirit animal. and there's a very morbid explanation for how kunaya wound up with the hawkers as a baby. if you recall, the hawkers were so notorious in eura because they killed people's spirit animals and sold their hides, believing them to have magical properties. so, kunaya was barely more than a newborn when her mama, a spirit animal, was killed by the hawkers. they decided to take the kitten as well as the cat they were going to turn into a pelt, hoping to make a profit off both. maybe kunaya was from a single-kitten litter or had siblings who tragically died/were sold before they encountered finn, abeke and meilin.

because of her Noble parentage, kunaya possesses a much higher level of intelligence than an ordinary beast. not as much as a true spirit animal, but pretty damn remarkable all the same. she has a longer lifespan and better health, too. the same is true of all animals who are offspring of spirit animals. (they also have higher potential to become spirit animals themselves, but not in a mystical appearing-from-the-beyond way, more like in a close proximity type of way. i am still figuring out how this works though. who knows, maybe one of abeke and shane's children will bond with kunaya or a descendant of hers.)

this raises the somewhat unrelated question: will the four fallen ever have children with a normal member of their species? can they even do that? would they want to? i'm sure they think of themselves as above their fellow creatures, but to what extent? what would a half great beast even be like?? i have to know

#anyway #wouldn't it be heartwarming if someday abeke managed to locate the person who was bonded to kunaya's mum #and the person got to see kunaya alive and well and a part of their soul was healed #but then they might want to keep kunaya and unfortunately i can't allow that bc kunaya is a piece of abeke's heart #uraza and kunaya will be with abeke forever and ever #that is simply the truth #text #a revised history of erdas #path of the heroes #spirit animals #spirit animals books #spirit animals series #kunaya #abeke #great beasts

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water-mellie-seeds · 1 year ago

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Been dubbed an honourary finn today. Do you even know what this means

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chayscribbles-archive · 4 years ago

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find the word (jan 9)

thanks @spacetimewraithwrites for the tag!

all of these are from muddy roads & foxgloves, since it’s the wip i have the most written for atm!

these have... a weirdly disproportionate amount of Valyan for some reason

stumble

“So what’s the plan?” Valyan demanded. “We walk around this big forest until we stumble upon the killer plant?” (episode 1)

break

Finally, Petra said, “Okay, I know I’m not the best with emotional stuff, but you have to tell me how I can help you because you always do this.”

“I always do what?” Valyan asked, their voice muffled.

“This. Breaking down out of nowhere and then pretending it all never happened.” (episode 2)

call

Before he could open his mouth, Valyan mumbled, “I’m fine.”

“You almost drowned,” Finneas pointed out, heading back to the kitchen.

“I didn't,” Valyan retorted, picking up the spoon to poke at their soup. “I’m fine.”

“If you say so,” Finneas called back. Noticing a coffee machine sitting on the counter, he added, “Want some coffee, kid?”

“Okay.” (episode 6)

fake

Finneas took a moment to stabilize his breathing before opening his eyes. On the counter, a mess of vines covered the fake marble, wrapped around the handles of the rusty faucet, creating a knotted nest in the sink. (episode 4)

stress

“No, I know what exam stress looks like on you,” Valyan said, “and this is different.”

“You’re bullshitting. I don’t have a distinct ‘exam stress’.”

“Exam Stress Petra over waters her plants.” Valyan pointed to Petra’s plant shelf. “That little guy is looking a little dry.” (episode 0)

tagging: @cecilsstorycorner @elusiveink @purgatorydotexe @loopyhoopywrites @introverteddumbass @hopeeternia. your words are fall, cut, bright, red, and again.

#FUN FACT i didn't notice until right as i was posting this that autocorrect had changed Finneas to FINANCE in one of these KJGFKJDFK #ah yes... my favourite character... Finance Bronwyn #in other news. Blood Siblings Petra/Val interactions are Good... but Honourary Siblings Finn/Val interactions make me Soft 🥺#every time Finn calls Val 'kid' i gain five years of my life #tag games #find the word tag #wip mrf

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bitter-sweet-coffee · 3 years ago

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wave’s surprise skatepark birthday party is the ONLY FUCKING TIME finn can skate… it’s because espio is wind-wingmaning to keep him steady so he doesn’t fuck up the vibes

Dammit @bitter-sweet-coffee this is your fault-

Imagine: Shadow teaching Infinite how to skate.

Like, it'd flip back and forth between being so cute and so funny as you have the typical "Person A teaches Person B how to skate" tropes (the hand holding, catching the other when they fall, etc.) coupled with Shadow and Infinite being absolute brats at each other the whole time. 😂

#bsc canon lore #infinite the jackal #shadow the hedgehog #infinadow #shadfinite #the dog and the hog #wave the swallow #espio the chameleon #they’re almost a polycule except for wave and finn being family #it IS a polycule with knuckles and rouge though except for shadow and rouge #so same sentiment #they’re just all a thing besides the obvious #jet is the honourary brother who comes to group outings sometimes #with his bf ofc #who is also espio’s bf #it’s complicated #I am getting off topic but anyways EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU ESPIO

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smilingformoney · 3 years ago

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hey bestie, what do you imagine Sev looks like? I saw you reblog a fc for Abbie and Persephone recently and it got me wondering how you see him, too! 🖤

my first intro to hp was the first film so honestly he’s always been Alan to me

however for the sake of fun here are some alternative castings

Tom Hiddleston with his Loki hair obviously

Adam Driver is another obvious one, I think he fits the ‘not conventionally attractive but actually quite attractive’ trope quite well

Finn Wolfhard gives me strong Sev vibes too esp now he’s grown into his face

and finally I cannot make a post about Snapes without at least an honourary mention to the legend that is Joe Moses

#it’s Alan tho he’s always Alan 😌#frillions #sevsnapes #ask

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yoditorian · 4 years ago

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massive thank you to my followers for getting me to this milestone, and also to everyone who sent in fics!! while i can’t confess to having read all of these works (i’m getting there tho) each comment is from the person who submitted it 💛 i’ve decided to keep this up as a regular thing, hopefully to be able to traffic some more readers to lesser known writers too so keep an eye out for that link

these have been listed in the order i received them, multi chapter works have either the masterlist or first chapter linked, please pay attention to warnings on the individual works

@bee-dameron - kair’ta - din/reader - this is one of my own recs, the original holder of my din djarin loving heart, ellie knows what they’ve done to me.

@keeper0fthestars - would you let me - din/reader - again, a rec of mine, solely responsible for planting tattooed!din in my head. a concept which haunts me daily.

@thosewickedlovelies - into the woods - frankie/reader - my beloved rachael took a middle of the night shitpost of mine and turned it into something truly beautiful, i can’t wait to see where it goes.

@anxiety-riddled-mando - shereshoy - mando!oc/reader - the last of my suggested fics, lives rent free in my head and the only thing i will accept as canon. jon favreau who??

@firstofficerwiggles - caretaker - din/reader - It's my fic so this is a hard question to answer but I think the story's strengths are it's romance and the blend of other elements like humor and action.

@heatherbel - desideratum - din/reader - Gorgeous poetic romance with Din Djarin.

@jura-moon - chrysalis - din/reader - The most beautiful slow burn one shot you will ever read. Jura's writing is beyond special. Sweet, emotional, sexy gorgeousness in fic form.

@wille-zarr - in fields of white - din/reader - I wrote it lolllll jshshdhs.

@papercinders - enigma - obi wan/reader - the description of everything!! im not gonna make sense but gosh the author hooks you with the first chapter and drags you along by the neck for the next four

@waatermelon-sugaar - want to kiss? - poe/reader - So sexy 🥵.

@michaelperry - amidst the to and fro - din/reader - It’s a rebel!Din Djarin AU fic that is such a cool what-if idea and is written so beautifully. Din’s characterization is perfect and the whole thing is super sweet and soft. It’s one of my favorite fics I’ve read recently (tbh everything I’ve read of hers so far is amazing).

@maharani-radha-writes - cultural differences - javier/reader - It’s wonderful to be able to experience a little bit of someone else’s culture! And Javi doing his best to accommodate and understand is great to see!

@pumpkin-stars - waiting - frankie/reader - this fic has everything, angst, absolutely staggering symbolism, talk of death, frankie morales and the origin of his iCONIC hat (need i say more) (yes I will), heartache, taking chances, more angst, acceptance, a love confession, a happy ending. This fic is written with such care and empathy it is easily one of my fave frankie fics <3.

@katlikeme - it’s all the same down in the capital - reader + clones - Kat knows my whole heart belongs to her because this fic and i get all weepy just thinking about it.

@fromthedeskoftheraven - visions of sugarplums - jack/reader - being snowed in with Jack Daniels and his endless list of sweet pet names for you. And the pining!

@mourningbirds1 - the crossroads i’m standing at - javier/steve - Javier peña and steve murphy and all the yearning and pining possible <3.

@miceenscene - star-crossed - din/ofc - din djarin soulmate au that takes your breath away.

@filthybookworm - nothing more and nothing different - frankie/reader - the most beautiful character study of frankie morales and his love languages

@ladylothlorien - oberyn is our greatest post-punk novelist - oberyn/reader - beautifully written modern!oberyn.

@itssmashedavo - mary magdalene - javier/ofc - Incredible OC, excellent pacing and very good writing. 10/10 would recommend.

@corellianhounds - geroya - din + covert - The cutest slice of life Mando fic that I can’t stop thinking about. A lovely unique look at Din from the POV of the covert foundlings.

@millllenniawrites - warmth - poe/reader - love how Poe is portrayed in all their fics, but this one especially as it's such a slow build, and I can really feel everything when I read it! Also sex pollen is one of my favourite tropes ngl.

@brandyllyn - doppelgänger - nathan/reader - Wow - everything. This fic is just- so perfect! I love how Nathan makes an AI of himself (and believes that everyone would fuck themselves, given the chance) - that is one os the most in-character things I've ever seen Nathan do in fic - it's just perfect! Also love how bad Nathan is in bed at first, and the ending is so hot. Love love love this fic, I reread it regularly.

@youvebeenlivingfictional - don’t treat my love like a habit - santiago/reader - I love reading this series because I love how the characters develop, and how their relationships change over time too. I love the imagery in this fic and its such a comfort read. (Also there needs to be an honourary mention of Magnetic too, by the same author as it has excellent slow-burn pacing).

@woakiees - mistakes and sour grapes - poe/reader - I love how, although its modern-day Poe, it also does a really good job of showing Poe's struggles as he tries to adapt to civilian life. I also really enjoy the slow build between the two of them and Finn's friendship with the reader (also it's made me desperate to try a chocolate cake shot lol).

@woakiees - and you keep me holding on - santiago/reader - it made me cry so much!!! the emotion, the days counting, the pain of poor Santi, just everything its so good

@brandyllyn - to sell your love for peace - javier/reader - omg ok. the writing in this was so good, and the foreshadowing was excellent - the whole time, I had a sneaking suspicion of what was going to happen, but the clues were so expertly scattered in that I had just convinced myself I was wrong when... (AAAAHHHH I screamed you have no idea it was so good).

@writingletterstothefire - she loves me - santiago/reader - the suspense! I love knowing things that the characters dont and I cant wait to find out how they react! I really enjoy this authors writing too.

@witchyavenger - coffee - richard/reader - how sweet it is!! I just wanna give Richard some love too, he deserves the world, (and the moodpboard for this fic is so good also).

#big forehead kisses for anyone who sent their own work in!!! we love to see it!!!!#liz's follower celebration!!#fic recs #good words #also if u don't see ur rec here lmk and i'll be happy to let u know why #the mandalorian #star wars #narcos #triple frontier

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wonder-womans-ex · 4 years ago

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Riptide

Welcome to the in-depth analysis of how Riptide by Vance Joy is O’Darwin’s theme song

1. listen to the song. Just listen to it. It’s their song, okay?

2. some of the lyrics that pop out at me:

Lady, running down to the riptide

natalie is a surfer. I don’t know how to elaborate more on this.

I wanna be your left hand man

this one’s probably digging a little too deep, but someone in a position of power usually has a ‘right hand man’ and a ‘left hand man.’ The right hand man is the top advisor; a second in command, if you will. The left hand man, according to google, “might even have a negative, sort of shady connotation.”

natalie is able to be with kasey openly, but she has to hide her relationship with alex. Maybe there’s some sort of connection. I think I had a point here but I can’t remember what it was.

And I got a lump in my throat ‘cause you’re gonna sing the words wrong

aaaaand now I have a mental image of either nat or kasey accidentally calling the other one ‘alex’ and well that causes some ✨emotions✨

This guy decides to quit his job and heads to New York City

FINN IS FROM NEW YORK! THERE IS SUBTEXT HERE I KNOW THERE IS!

This cowboy's running from himself

kasey played on the rangers and a ranger is kind of like a cowboy? I dunno I’m grasping at straws here

And she's been living on the highest shelf

Natalie, okay? just,,, natalie

I just wanna, I just wanna know/If you're gonna, if you're gonna stay/I just gotta, I just gotta know/I can't have it, I can't have it any other way

aka Kasey and Natalie wondering how long they’ll have alex before he has to leave again

Closest thing to Michelle Pfeiffer that you've ever seen

please tell me I’m not the only one who sees it

And they come unstuck

we can all agree the three of them are inseparable when they can be together right? and then alex has to leave and...

wait one sec while I cry in the corner

3. if you think of a third reason please tell me because what kind of lame-ass argument only has two bullet points

once again, I am very sorry.

o’darwin belongs to the incredible spectacular and brilliant @lumosinlove who probably has way better things to do than get this notification but I’m tagging her anyway so that the fandom police can’t arrest me for honourary copyright violation

#sweater weather lumosinlove #o'darwin #natalie darcy #kasey winter #alex o'hara #what am I doing with my life #I listened to that song seven and a half times while writing this #it will be stuck in my head FOREVER #at least give me credit for that okay

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ratatatastic · 14 days ago

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Alright, fellas! Here we go! We're going all Finnish again tonight. Up front we got Luostola. Benell. Samorinen. Mikkolainen. Schmidtola. And Knightoleevi.

florida panthers @ la kings | 1.22.25 (x)

#evan rodrigues #eetu luostarinen #sam bennett #mackie samoskevich #niko mikkola #nate schmidt #spencer knight #florida panthers #panthers lb #2425 #honourary finn takes over the finnish read lineup? even the finns get finn-ified?#i need to know his thought process of why he decided to make the finns more finn 😭😭😭#finnified to the best of my abilities of naming conventions #mikkolainen... man who wants to see risto and mikksy together... i understand the way he rammed him into the boards was compelling #welcome to erods shipping game #luosty/schmidty and heinola? benny and lundy/lindell? mackie/mikksy with risto/turbo/urho #and im completely lost on knighter...#girl what are you saying...#anyways this is intricate finnish flirting and the finns are very charmed #AGAIN. WHAT DO YOU MEAN AGAIN RODDY #YOU DID THIS BEFORE OF COURSE YOU FICKING DID

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fuckingthefictional · 5 years ago

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Being Ada’s best friend and falling for Tommy would include.

Becoming friends with her after the boys go off to fight

Some much older lad was trying to flirt with her and Ada looked uncomfortable. So...

“Oi you stupid cunt! Can you fuck off before a bullet gets put into your head by yours truly?”

The man scarpered off after being confronted and publically humiliated

Ada recognises you from the first aid church hall thing

“Thanks for saving me back there”

“no problem us small heath girls have to stick together”

“You’re Y/N right?”

“The one and only, And you’re Ada Shelby”

The old bloke returned with some of his friends I guess not liking the idea of being humiliated by a girl

You just took the pistol from your thigh holster and aimed it at them

“Are you bloody deaf? I told you to leave, so off you fuck!”

They didn’t move so you shot the cap off of one of their heads

“I’m giving you 3 seconds you fucking bastards and not a second more.”

They fled of course

“Christ almighty i need a whiskey.”

“I know just the place.”

After that you became fast friends and became super close.

You both go to the Garrison more than you care to admit.

Ada being surprised at how well you can hold your liquor

The only time you were both pissed out of your minds was on your 18th birthday and you just ended up walking around the streets giggling and singing at the top of your lungs.

You both couldn’t look at a bottle of vodka without gagging slightly

You’re the first person who Ada properly opens up to

She talks to you about her family and boy issues she has because she feels like nobody takes her problems seriously or would be willing to listen to her

“I get so worried about my brothers. I feel like there’s a part of me missing without them here. I’m worried that they might be killed over in France.”

“They won’t.”

“Howd you know”

“Because anyone who shares blood with you, Ada Shelby, would: a) never willingly leave someone they love alone and: b) would never go down without a bloody good fight.”

You always knew what to say to make her feel better again.

You both felt like you were each other’s sisters that they never had growing up.

Like you have sleepovers all the time

“If you expect the unexpected then doesn’t that technically mean that the unexpected is expected?”

“Y/N it’s 4am go to sleep!”

One time you’d woken up a bit earlier than Ada had and you were looking at her thinking

“Damn I’m so lucky to have her as my best friend!¡”

Then she rolled over in her sleep and smacked you in the face

The first time you met Polly you nearly shit yourself

Ada has gone to the bathroom, leaving you alone at the kitchen table

“And just who might you be?”

Polly was stood at the entry way, stern, cold look on her faceface, hand by her hip ready to grab a weapon if necessary.

“I’m- um, I’m”

“Bloody hell aunt pol put the gun down, if you must know this is Y/N she saved my arse from getting raped by an old bloke.”

“Let her speak for herself Ada”

“I’m Y/N, I scared an old guy off after he tried to feel her up in a back alley.”

“ScArEd hiM ofF, you shot the cap off of his head and they bolted.”

“Why did you do that, did you think if you scared a man off then the Shelby’s owed you a favour?”

“Nope my life is just a mess and I instinctively take care of other because I don’t know how to take care of myself.”

Polly was a lot more happy to have you around after she found out about what you risked to help her niece.

It started becoming a regular occurance to have you over for dinner or a cup of tea everyday.

You just sort of walked into the Shelby house now.

“Hey- Jesus, stop screaming for fucks sake. We’ve ran out of whiskey!”

You’re an honourary Shelby girl™️

Like you would willingly help out around the house.

Whether that’s cooking breakfast, tidying Finns room, or doing the laundry.

Always being there for Ada and being her biggest support

“Y/N I’ve done something bad. Really bad.”

“Put the corpse in ice, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“WhaT nO?! WhY wOulD I HavE a CoRpsE?”

Obviously being close to Ada meant you got close to Finn and he became a younger brother figure.

He comes to you for advice when he’s too embarrassed to go to his aunt and sister.

This family dynamic yoooooo

You began to help the Shelby ladies to run the betting shop.

You did all the numbers and you could read and write.

You also started to teach Finn how to read.

“What does that say Finn?”

“hoo-agh”

“nO”

If you get that reference then ily

You’d get dating advice from Polly too.

“Remember as ladies it’s all about being A-B-C. Always-Be-Classy”

“And a little bit slutty!”

“Ada’s right be a little bit slutty too.”

You’d help Polly look after John’s children on Sundays when she went to church

They seriously love you. They call you Aunt Y/N/N and they look forward to seeing you every weekend.

When the boys come home from France they found the family dynamic had shifted

They obviously weren’t the same after the shit they went through.

But Ada, Polly and Finn we’re happier than they’d ever seen them be

They were having a family meeting around the kitchen table

And you walked into the house as you normally did. carrying groceries

And as you walked into the kitchen

“Who the fuck are you?”

The shelby lads are aiming their guns right at you, ready to blow your head off.

You just looked at Ada, rolling your eyes, “What is it with your family and trying to shoot me on site?”

“They like to shoot first and ask questions later.”

“Aye I can bloody see.”

You just walked around to the kitchen counter and plopped the bags of shopping down.

Polly casually gave you a glass of whiskey which you downed.

“I’m sorry but who the fuck is this random girl standing in the middle of our kitchen drinking our whiskey?”

“Y/N Y/L/N, pleasure to meet you- I assume your Arthur judging by the attitude you’re giving me.”

Polly and Ada full on snorted

“And you must be John, you look just like Katie. The kids have told be a lot about you.”

“All good things I should hope.”

“Shit there were meant to be good things?”

Polly and Ada crying with laughter

“Boys this Y/N, my best friend, the person who did all the numbers for the shop while you were away, John’s kids’ babysitter, Finn’s teacher and honourary Shelby girl.”

Tommy is just in awe even if he hides it

“Welcome to the family Miss Y/L/N”

“You can call me Y/N”

Sexual tension

“GEt a RoOm!”

“Shut it Arthur”

After a few weeks the boys got used to seeing you around the house more.

Whether it was you sat at the table with Finn giving him advice on his spelling.

Or cooking dinner for John’s little ones on a Sunday (which meant you usually had at least one child on your hip)

Or even just lounging on the sofa in a heap with Ada while you gossiped.

Your qualification in nursing often came handy when one of the Shelby men would turn up battered

“That fucking hurt”

“Aye- you should have thought about this before you got into a fistfight.”

Out of all the Shelby’s it was of course Tommy that took the longest to start a full conversation with you

When it happened it wasn’t under the best circumstances

You went to the pictures on a date with a guy you had fancied for ages and the guy in question was snogging someone else- leaving you in the rain for an hour

You banged on the Shelby’s door looking like an absolute mess.

And Tommy opened the door

He didn’t know what he was supposed to do

Ada was not there *cough* at Freddie’s *cough*

And the house was empty apart from Finn, John’s kids and Polly (who was putting the children to bed)

So you just pushed past Tommy who was stood in the doorway dumbfounded

At this point you were shivering from the cold rain and the tears had stopped.

“Now what’s got you knocking on our door this late ‘ey Y/N.”

“Date went wrong, fucker stood me up.”

You were downing whiskey.

Tommy as much as he didn’t want to admit it hated seeing you upset and he knew you deserved better

It took a while for you to notice that Tommy had draped a blanket around your shoulders and had lit the fire to try and get you warmed up

“Forget the fucker. He don’t deserve a gal like you.”

“Thanks Tommy.”

In the morning Polly came down the stairs to find you and Tommy curled up on the sofa together.

She lowkey rooted for yous to get together

Honestly you found yourself constantly covering for Ada saying she was staying at your house when actually she was with Freddie

Because ur a great friend

“has anyone seen our Ada today?”

“Aye she slept at mine last night and we were up most of the night so I let her sleep in.” Definitely not at Freddie’s

“Up all night, that sounds kin-OW”

“If you must know Johnny boy- we were chatting shit about people- mainly you.”

“Uncalled for.”

“Why there’s so much to talk about?”

You were always involved in covering for Ada

Because your cared about her happiness- which was heavily influenced by her love life.

But actually Ada and Polly paid close attention to your love life too with Tommy

When you Polly and Ada were sat in the kitchen having a catchup- they raised the question.

“When are you going to realise that my brother’s in love with you?”

*que tea being spat out* WHAT

Polly just rolled her eyes and smiled, “dear Y/N, its almost obvious that Thomas is falling for you.”

“What the fuck?”

I think you may have been in a constant state of shock after that.

“We broke Y/N.”

Like you couldn’t quite pinpoint when you started to fall for Tommy

But Tommy definitely remembered the time he knew he was in love with you

You were in the kitchen, with John’s youngest child on your hip- making dinner for all the kids.

While Finn was sat at the table trying to read out bits of a book you’d lended him.

Tommy was stood in the entryway watching as Finn struggled to pronounce some of the harder words and you’d just wander over and explain how to do it.

Like to Tommy family is the most important thing in his life.

You’re not blood related but you still gave up your spare time to look after John’s kids, teach Finn to read or even just comfort Ada after a fight with Freddie.

And Tommy admires you for that- you sacrificed a lot in order to care for his family.

So he’s just leant on the doorframe, cigarette between his lips, watching as you got everything ready for dinner.

And he just thought “she’s gonna be my wife and mother to my children someday”

#peaky blinder headcanon #peakyblinders #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinders #tommy shelby #john shelby #arthur shelby #polly gray #ada shelby #finn shelby #shelby #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x you #ada shelby x bestfriend!reader #cillian murphy #thomas shelby #thomas shelby x reader

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cas-kingdom · 6 years ago

Text

Happy Little Pill

A/N: TW for reader (aged 17) having depression. This takes place after John’s death.

Find the OC version of this fic here.

Title: Happy Little Pill

Summary: Tommy finds out you’ve been keeping something from him.

Words: 3954

Life had never been easy for the Shelbys. To be born into the family meant to be born into a life of crime, always keeping watch over each other’s backs and praying every morning that that day would not be your last. You took it in stride. You all did. Arthur, Tommy… Ada, Finn, Michael, Polly. It was never easy, but you’d all learned to follow each other, and though trust didn’t sometimes accompany that, love always did.

John had been a part of that, too, before he’d been shot. You hated the fact that you’d been there. You hated the fact that you’d accompanied Michael to your brother’s house against Tommy’s orders and subsequently watched as the New York Mafia sent bullets firing into your beloved brother’s now lifeless body. It was fortunate, you supposed, that Esme had asked you to mind the children indoors while she went to check on what was going on outside, otherwise the Mafia were sure to have hit you at least once, if not kill you.

It’d been five months since John died, and though you tried your very hardest to feel better, you found it was only getting harder. Where your remaining three brothers and the rest of your family were able to move on and remember John in a way that didn’t consume their whole lives, you were different. The man was on your mind every second of every day, overwhelming your thoughts and preventing you from doing everything you had once enjoyed. You barely ate, the amount of sleep you were getting was increasingly decreasing, your business work was rarely ever up to the same standard as they had once been… his death was causing such grief that it was affecting every little thing you did.

Of course, like any honourary Shelby, you kept your emotions hidden. When Tommy was around you, you put on a smile and attempted to engage in some kind of conversation with him. When Finn wanted you to join him and his friends at the pub, you happily agreed and acted like the Shelby girl you were. When Arthur asked if you needed help with your work, you said yes and let him join you instead of choosing to say no and wallow in grief alone. The only person you – unsurprisingly – weren’t able to rein in your emotions around was Ada, though it’d been like that from the beginning. She claimed it was the sister bond you shared. To be honest, you didn’t care what it was, only that it existed, and she partly knew what was going on in your head.

She’d only recently taken you to a doctor following you finally agreeing after what must have been weeks of nagging. She’d threatened to tell your brothers – namely Tommy – once or twice, and of course you had not wanted him to know at all, so you’d let her arrange something. The two of you had sneaked out of the house one morning under the pretense that you were going for a walk, and Ada had taken you to see a doctor.

He’d diagnosed you with depression.

It’d been inevitable, really. Your sister had suspected it, and even you’d thought about it once or twice, though you’d not heard much about the mental illness before. Nobody really had. Pills were only really becoming a thing, but the doctor had claimed that results so far were good, so Ada had signed the papers and you’d been prescribed them.

“I’m going to tell Tommy.”

“Ada, no.”

“Y/N, I have to. I’m not even your proper legal guardian; he is!”

“I don’t care. If he finds out, he’ll go mad, okay? Please. I’ll tell him eventually, just… not now. Let me wrap my own head around it all first.”

“Fine, but if things get worse, you tell me. And if you don’t tell him soon enough for my liking, I’m doing it myself!”

That had been two months ago, and you weren’t much closer to telling any of your brothers. You often caught Ada giving you a look in the corridor as you passed her, though that was never around the times she’d let you quietly cry in her arms after a particularly bad day. You knew that if it carried on like this, you’d one day end up walking into your room to find Tommy sitting there on your bed, cigarette in his mouth, watching you with those sharp blue eyes, and you’d just know that Ada had told him.

Well, that had never happened…

He’d been in his office, instead.

You’d always been careful with taking your pills. You knew you were. The doctor had prescribed two from the bottle per night, and when you ran out, Ada would go collect more from him. Having a big family meant that you were never really alone, and so you’d resorted to taking the pills before you went to bed in the safety of your room, so nobody saw. Apparently, however, you weren’t always careful. You supposed having bad mentality could do that to you.

“Pol saw you taking some pills.”

When your brother had called you into his office, you had not expected those to be the first words that left his lips as soon as you walked into the room. Today was one of those busier days, and your entire family had been bustling about the place, never stopping to rest. For Tommy to suddenly have time on his hands was something you’d probably ask about if you weren’t so damn shocked by his words.

He was as you’d expect him to be; leaning back in his chair behind his desk, glass of whiskey in front of him, cap laying on top of a stack of paper he’d previously been working on, cigarette between his two fingers. And his eyes were locked on your still form. Intimidating. That was what he was. It was rare for you to be intimidated by your big brother, but this was most definitely one of those times. You’d been caught in a situation you’d been trying to avoid for a very long time, and the fact that it wasn’t the result of you telling him made it worse. He’d found out himself.

You swallowed thickly. “What do you mean?”

Tommy blinked slowly and tilted his head slightly to the side. It was silent for the briefest of moments as he puffed yet again on his cigarette and then stubbed it. He downed the rest of his whiskey and placed it to the side before folding his hands on his lap and heaving a sigh. “Exactly what I said, Y/N. What else would I mean?”

The fact that he hadn’t asked you to sit down yet told you he wasn’t quite treating you like his sister at this point. It was more of a talk between employer and employee, worker and boss… not family at all. Which told you he was angry. And an angry Tommy was never a good sign.

You fidgeted a little. “Polly saw wrong.”

Both of your brother’s eyebrows lifted. “Mm… well, Finn must’ve seen wrong, too.”

Finn! That damn brother of yours– wasn’t there something about the youngest siblings sticking together? “I didn’t take a pill.”

“No, you took two.”

You shut your eyes, desperately trying to control your emotions. This had not been the way it was supposed to go. It wasn’t even have supposed to go anywhere. It would have been better off safely tucked away in both you and Ada’s minds. The fact that your sister apparently hadn’t even ratted you out was even worse; now, three more people knew you were acting suspicious, and it wouldn’t be long before Arthur was reined in as well as Michael and probably everyone else working in the other room. How had they even seen you taking the pills? Had they been hiding in a corner of your room? “Tommy.”

Your brother shook his head, his expression turning steely. “Y/N. I’m being serious. Was it drugs? New kind I’m not aware of?”

“No, no… I’m not- of course it wasn’t drugs.” You sighed, fidgeting yet again under Tommy’s scrutinising gaze. He noticed and leaned forward in his seat.

“Then what the fuck was it?”

Tears were threatening to spill from your eyes, and you knew there’d be nothing to stop them when they eventually decided to fall. It wasn’t like you’d never cried in front of Tommy before, but at a time like this? You weren’t sure how exactly it would play out. Would he even care that you were in tears? Would he pull you in for a hug like he usually did or carry on staring at you with those cool, blue eyes? You weren’t sure, and it pained you beyond measure that you even had to think about it.

Biting your bottom lip and taking a deep, yet discreet, breath, you shook your head and stepped forward. “Look. It’s nothing to worry about, alright? Polly – and Finn – clearly exaggerated.” Your brother said nothing, only widened his eyes in warning. You, however, had averted your eyes completely away from him, so when you moved to quickly brush past his desk and walk out the door, you didn’t notice the hand that rushed out to grab your wrist.

“You’re not going anywhere.” His voice was cold, and you could see his chest rise and fall with each deep breath he took. His mouth was set in an even tighter line as his grip on you tightened and he pulled you closer to him, reaching out with his free hand to turn you to face him. “Seventeen,” he said. “You’re seventeen. I’m still your legal guardian. I’m responsible for you. So, tell me what the goddamn pill was.”

He pointed a finger at you, eyes wide with warning, and the rise in his tone was what immediately set you off. It began with your lip trembling, and then you absentmindedly bit it, then your body began trembling and your throat became dry, and the tears fell from under your closed lids. Sobs racked your entire body as you stood there in front of Tommy, his hand still tight around your wrist. He heaved a sigh, watching you with those ice eyes. When you started crying, there was nothing that could prevent him from dropping his merciless expression, and he clearly proved this when he shook his head and scooted back in his chair, pulling you towards him. You, as expected, didn’t resist, letting yourself be reeled in and practically dragged onto his lap. He leaned back in his seat, wrapped both arms around you, and watched as you lifted your legs up and rested your chin on your knees. This comforting embrace was exactly what you needed – exactly what you’d been missing these past few months that could have soothed everything in a heartbeat.

“What’s wrong with you, eh? Tell big brother,” the man said quietly after a few moments of silently listening to your sobs.

“Everything’s so shit,” you cried, burying your face into Tommy’s chest. He wasn’t sure what to make of that, and he doubted he’d get anywhere by simply thinking about it, so instead chose to move his hand up to place on the side of your face, rubbing his thumb along your cheek.

“Could’ve told you that a long time ago.”

You shook your head, pulling away from your brother and not even noticing as you wobbled a little on his lap – perhaps you were getting a little too big – and he tightened his grip around your waist to stop you from falling off. “No- no,” you said, still sobbing, eyes wet with tears. “Up- up here. Here, in my head. My fucking head that won’t stay quiet for two seconds-”

“Woah, there.” Tommy’s eyebrows furrowed in surprise. He moved his head around a little so he was able to see you. “What’s wrong with your head? Are you sick? Are the pills prescribed?”

There really was no way to keep it hidden anymore. If you lied, he would know. Either way, he wasn’t going to take it easily. Was there even a proper way for you to prepare yourself for it all? No. What was even the point in pretending anymore? With a deep breath, you squeezed your eyes shut yet again and nodded, tears leaking down your red cheeks. “Yes,” you breathed out. “Yes, they’re prescribed.”

Tommy was silent for a moment, seemingly processing what you’d just said to him. “Alright,” he said after a little while. “Prescribed for- prescribed for your head? What’s wrong with your head?”

Everything. That was what you wanted to tell him. Everything and everyone was wrong with your head. What wasn’t wrong with it? “I went to the doctors,” you said with a sniff, feeling your hands as they shook. Tommy cleared his throat and you sighed, not turning to look at him. “Ada took me,” you said. “It was her idea to go. They- I met with this doctor, and he did some tests… and- and he diagnosed me with depression. Depression, Tom. I’m fucking depressed.” The tears began once again, and you fell to the side, crashing back into your brother’s chest.

Tommy didn’t move. “Depression.” It wasn’t a question… more of a statement. One that he was going over and over in his mind as if processing it completely himself to ensure he’d heard it right. Depression. He’d heard of it. Of course he’d heard of it. He’d been in the war. Hell, he was pretty damn sure he’d be diagnosed with it himself if he ever actually got close enough to a doctor to be tested. But, his little sister? How could such a cruel thing touch his little sister? He’d only ever heard of it being associated with men, namely men from the war. They came home, had nightmares about the bombs and the trenches, couldn’t distinguish nineteen-fourteen from nineteen-nineteen, and got diagnosed with depression. A mental illness that negatively affects how a person feels, the way they think and how they act. It was either that or PTSD, like Johnny Whizzbang, and look at what had happened to him… how had he not noticed it before? And, what’s more, he knew the cause of it. John had died. Your brother had died. And though he’d had many a conversation with you about it, you’d obviously learnt how to hide your true emotions from him. He’d call you a little shit, but there were more serious matters on his mind right now.

“How long have you known?” His voice was surprisingly calm; a mixture of confusion and, unsurprisingly, silent anger. Though he hid it, and he hid it well, it was obvious in his tone. It’d always done you well to pick out the smallest details in your brother’s speech - they had a chance at helping you navigate your way through the inevitable conversation that was coming.

It was quiet for a moment, the only sound being the workers outside the room, but the walls were fairly soundproof, so it wasn’t all that noticeable. “About a month and a half,” you told him, “or something like that.”

He nodded, brain seeming to whir for a minute before he flicked his eyes down to where your head was resting against his chest. He could still feel you trembling, sniffing every so often as tears rolled down your cheeks and spilled onto his shirt. The wet patch was ever-growing. “And you said Ada took you to the doctors?”

“Yeah.”

He stiffened. “Why did she not tell me?”

And here it came. The moment Tommy finally felt himself unable to hold back from his feelings, say fuck it, and let them spill. You sighed once again and stared gloomily at the wall opposite you through red, teary eyes. “Because I told her not to.”

“Why would that be? You both know I’m the one who looks after you. She should have told me, regardless of what you said. It should have been me who took you to that doctor. You should have come to me.” You half expected him to push you off his lap and then rampage, but your hazy mind was too clouded to remember that you had just broken the fact that you had depression to him, and he was hardly going to take it lightly. If anything, it would make him even more protective over his baby sister, which was part of the reason why you hadn’t told him in the first place. Of course, he was bound to know people who had the illness, but knowing his sister had it, out of all people, would most definitely cause that protectiveness of his to rise a notch. You’d been worried he’d overreact and try to help in ways that just... wouldn’t. At least Ada hadn’t changed herself much on your account, simply resorting to hugging you a lot more often and always keeping a watchful eye on you. She was still acting like your sister, and that was helping you more than you cared to admit. The doctor had said your diagnosis wasn’t serious... you had a mild case of depression, but it was still depression. It still needed treatment. It still needed to be helped.

“Because I didn’t want to. Not yet. I would have eventually, Tom. And- and Ada did want to. Don’t be mad at her. She was doing it for me.”

“’Eventually’ isn’t soon enough. I needed to have been told right away. Maybe it would have helped.” He ignored the comment about Ada. That woman... he was never quite sure if she knew if what she was doing was the right or wrong thing. Nevertheless, you were the subject, here. He’d discuss all of this with the elder of his sisters soon enough, he was sure, but, now? Now was not the time.

He still wasn’t moving, his voice only hardening the smallest bit. This was most unlike the talks the two of you had when you’d done something wrong. It surprised you immensely when you felt his chest rise with a deep breath and he reached his hand out and turned it palm-up. You swallowed thickly before grabbing hold of it and pulling it close to your racing heart, immediately feeling the comfort you craved seep from his fingers and calm you down. It was something he’d done since you were a baby. If you ever cried, all he’d had do was give you his hand to hold, and you had calmed down immediately. It had never changed. John used to call it magic.

“I was scared…” you said, and he moved his head a little to listen better. “Scared you’d think badly of me for having this… this thing. I didn’t want to be thought of as less of a person. Or- or that I’m weak. Or… well. This scares me. It just… terrifies me. I-” You squeezed your eyes shut, gripping tightly onto the man’s hand.

“Alright, little one.” Tommy pat your arm, kissing the side of your head. “You’re okay. You’re fine. There’s no need to be scared. Nobody could ever think badly of you, sweetheart. You are no less of a person, and, come on, what’s weakness in a Shelby, eh?” A small smile lit up his face and you breathed a laugh, reaching up with your free hand to wipe your eyes. “This isn’t your fault, alright? This- this shit… isn’t your fault. None of it. I can promise you that. I don’t want you to be scared. You’ve got your brothers and your sister here to look after you. Nothing’ll get to you with us here.”

“I thought you’d be angry with me,” you admitted, voice quiet, and Tommy shook his head.

“I’m sorry if I made it seem that way. I’m not angry. You couldn’t have helped it, Y/N. You didn’t ask for this. How could I be angry? I-” He paused, thinking over what he was saying. It was undeniably difficult for him to be so unrestrained with his emotions like this, but he knew it had to be done in order to ensure you were both comforted and confident that there was no reason for you to hide this from him. “I’m upset,” he said after a small while, not missing how you shifted a little on his lap. “I’m upset that you’ve got this… illness. I’m upset that you didn’t tell me… but I’m mostly upset that I didn’t notice this before. I let you get this far. I let it get to the point where you didn’t want to tell me.” He reached up and gently clasped a hand over your mouth as you opened it to speak after lifting your head from his chest and turning it to face him. He felt his hand growing wet with the tears that were still falling from your eyes, and once he could tell you wouldn’t interrupt him, he moved it away. “No,” he continued, “I know it’s not my fault, but I still should have supported you more after John…” He sighed.

“It’s not your fault you didn’t notice,” you told him. “I was keeping it hidden.”

“I know you were. You hid it well. But I’m not certain it was the right decision. I want to arrange an appointment with your doctor. I have... questions for him. I want to know what exactly we’re dealing with here, okay?”

You nodded. “Okay.”

“And we’re going to get you better, sweetheart, okay? We’ll do it slowly, but we’ll do it together. I promise you.” He smiled, blinking quickly, and you would have seen the gathering of tears in the bottom of the Thomas Shelby’s eyes if your vision hadn’t been blurry enough for you not to notice.

“I hope it works.”

“It will.” He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “It will. And, if you ever lose your motivation, you think about our John boy, alright? You think about how he would cheer you up and how he wouldn’t want you to be like this.”

“It’s not my fault.”

“I know, little one.” He pulled you towards his chest once again, seeing your tears begin anew. The mention of John was upsetting even for him, though he’d never get the opportunity to admit it. His arms wrapped around you, and his chin rested on your shoulder. “It’s nothing but a side effect of life.”

A side effect of life. You supposed it was. A bad side effect. Like nausea could be a bad side effect for a stomach-ache. Your brother had been shot. Killed. Murdered. You’d been the first to see him dead, besides Michael. Maybe if you hadn’t, things would be better, but the truth was that you had, and that was what needed to be focused on. “Love you, Tom,” you whispered into his shirt.

“And I love you,” your brother said, blinking as his own tears began to fall. You couldn’t see them, and he figured the room would be dark enough for the trails of silver to go unnoticed by your eyes when you finally decided to relinquish your gripping hold around his neck, so he wasn’t worried about letting them fall. He deserved the release. Even he could admit that.

The time ahead would be tough. He knew it. What he’d been told was unexpected and, quite frankly, shit… but what could he do except help you through it? He and his siblings would do all they could to bring back their light.

“My sweet girl,” he muttered inaudibly into your hair, “what I wouldn’t do for you.”

Peaky Masterpost

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