#HONESTLY i probably didnt actually need to level up as much as i did i wasnt doing too badly

[voidimp]

oh. i really have gotten better at bloodborne

[7-starboi]

This is kinda long so I applaud you if you actually read all of it but this is what happens when you drink soju and take notes on all your commentary for a new bl episode...good luck🫡😂

Brooo such a cute way to start the ep, they make me sick 😅

They're so sweet it hurtsss, yotha I don't wanna be mad at you later ugh 😭

YOTHA HE JUST WOKE UP STOPPP😭

Faifa is such a little shit "good morning bro🤠"

"my brother is about to have friends"🤣

Oh shit here we go 🙄

Honestly she can be sad, but she did this to herself

YOTHA DO NOT TAKE YOUR ANGER AT YOUR MOM OUT ON GUN HOW DARE YOU, CALM DOWN

I want a hug from boom too🥺 but I know what you do sir and I don't like it!

I DID NOT EXPECT HIM TO SLAP HIM HOLY SHIT BUT LIKE KLAO YOU NEED TO CHILL

FUCK I DIDNT EXPECT HIM TO BREAK UP WITH HIM THAT FAST EITHER! HE MADE UP HIS MIND QUICK IG DAMN

YOU CAN CRY KLAO BUT HE LITERALLY TOLD YOU LAST EP HE CHOSE YOU BRO LIKE YOU GOTTA TRUST HIM, YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF, NOW GO REFLECT I NEED YOU GUYS TO BE ENDGAME(even if it's a little toxic cause I just love aouboom together so much😭)

Side note, pepper has been in everything lately and I'm all for it cause he's fine af like he honestly just has to sit there and I could stare at him all day(and yes, he's that pretty in person and he's just the sweetest🥹🖤)

Yothaaaa you can see he's upset you gotta apologize better come onn, you're lucky he's such a good friend 😭

I KNOW A LITTLE OF WHATS COMING BUT THAT WAS HONESTLY SO ADORABLE I WAS SQUEALING HE WAS LIKE "IDK HOW TO FIX THIS, DOES KISS AND MAKE UP WORK?" AHHH

I seriously didn't think I'd like perthsanta this much but here we are and I love it

The background actors for little scenes like this are always the best bro and their friends teasing them is sooo funny 😂

NOOOO DONT GO TO THE BATHROOM GUN IM NOT READY FOR THE ANGST YET

ITS SO WEIRD SEEING BOOM KISS SOMEONE THAT ISNT AOU BUT I FEEL SO BAD FOR GUN NOOO😭

IT WAS JUST A TEST OF HIS FEELINGS BUT I HATE THAT GUN HAD TO SEE THAT HES GONNA BE SO UPSET WITH HIM AGAIN, IF THEY DONT RESOLVE IT THIS EP IM GONNA SCREAM

another side note tho, boom is still so hot tho like he's one of mine like forever 😍

NOOO THE MATCHING TATTOOS WHY IS THE ANGST GETTING WORSE😭

OH HERE WE GO HERE COMES KLAO LOOKING PISSED AGAIN OH SHIT

3 AGAINST 1 WTF AND KLAO COMING TO HELP HIS 'FRIEND' HELL YEAH BUT ALSO WHY IS AOU ALWAYS GETTING INTO FIGHTS EVERY ROLE HE HAS LIKE IM HERE FOR IT BUT DAMN AND ALSO YOTHA LITERALLY BLEEDING FROM HIS HEAD BUT STILL ASKING IF GUN IS OKAY? MY FUCKING HEART😭 THEY BETTER CLEAR SHIT UP SOON I CANT TAKE IT

I get why yotha was doing what he did but he doesn't just have himself to think about now and he's gotta think about what he wants and what he wants is gun and he fucked up🥺

I know they don't have the best relationship in this series but i love them so much together I'll take any fluffy crumbs I can get 😭 GIVE THEM THEIR OWN SERIES PLSSS BUT ONE LIKE WE ARE I CANT TAKE ANYMORE ANGST FROM THEM RN😭

YOTHA BETTER THIS RN I CANT STAND SEEING GUN CRY HES MY SUNSHINE GMM BOY GIVE HIM BACK DAMNIT

Arm is such a good friend🥺

STOPPP IT IM GONNA CRY WITH HIM GET THIS ANGST AWAY FROM ME SOON PLSS I NEED GUN TO SMILE AGAIN😭

I can't wait til yothagun get to arcarms level

AND JUST LIKE THAT HE WENT TO CLIMB INTO BED WITH HIM WHY DO THEY GOTTA BE SO CUTE IM GONNA THROW UP RAINBOWS EVERYWHERE I SWEAR

"I want gun back." YEAH YOU DI BUDDY, BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS A BIT LETS GOO, ARM WILL HELP YOU AND ITLL BE RIDICULOUS PROBABLY BUT YOU GOT THIS

Gay people man...that's all I gotta say about arm in this scene 😂

That was one of the gayest set ups ever😅(also if we don't say Taylor again I'm gonna scream, I love him🫡)

Arm matches all of his friends freak and im sooo here for it like give me book and literally anyone and he'll nail it 😂

okay I lovee the kisses don't get me wrong like I feel like they've had more than arc and arm atp and they're not even dating yet but pls HAVE A CONVERSATION IT WILL FIX ALL OF THIS AHH GET IT TOGETHER(and yes i know from the outside it's easier to yell at them and they're young but they were doing alright with it before gun saw yotha kissing someone else but he's just shut down now☹️)

"DO YOU WANNA WALK WITH ME?" I SQUEALED LIKE WHAT BUT THEN THE PREVIEW FOR NEXT WEEK AND THE "WILL YOU WAIT FOR ME?" LIKE I KNOW THEY END UP TOGETHER AND HES GOT SOME TRAUMA STILL BUT FUCK BRO HES THE "SUNSHINE OF THIS WORLD" AND HE LOVES YOU, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR

ENDING NOTE: I CANT WAIT FOR FAIFA TO GET HIS HAPPY ENDING TOO BUT IM NOT READY TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOTHAGUN YET, THEY BECAME MY FAVORITE SO QUICKLY AND I REALLY HOPE PERTHSANTA GET ANOTHER SERIES SOON CAUSE THEIR CHEMISTRY IS AMAZING

Side note to the end note: if Newton and po don't end up together I'm gonna be so sad like heart killers is starting something for them and I see it👀

[neomedievalist]

its jan 20th but that doesnt mean i cant still do a games i beat overview for 2024 still. here we go, games I beat sorted by date I beat them last year

1/17: Umineko Answers Arcs

yeah so i was stalling on episode 8 for a long time and i had finally finished it in january last year. i dont think this even needs me to say anything. fucking incredible visual novel

2/29: ULTRAKILL

not technically a "beat" but i finished all of the content thats out then (aside from. the second secret boss i havent beat yet). looooooove ultrakill love this i think everyone should play it even if they dont like shooters you just have to have a requisite level of adhd that not everyone has. it has brought me so much joy. cannot wait for more content to come out

4/27: Celeste

this shit has been on my backlog for so long. it was so satisfying to finally finish it. really solid 2d platformer really enjoyed it and liked the story. im not usually a 2d platformer person i prefer 3d but it is rly tight and satisfying. admittedly i dont understand why people think it was like, life changingly good, but i can see how itwould emotionally resonate w someone and its overall a very good game

4/29: Shin megami tensei V

My eternal agony. I fuuucking hate this gaaaaame oh my goddddd the ending was so bad. i already made a seperate post complaining about it so i wont bother you but seriously the fact that the end is unchanged in vengeance is so crazy. I have 0 desire to play vengeance. The foundations have some potential but its just like. holy fuck the story is so nothing. Gameplay was fun though! although i enjoyed the tsukuyomi fight more than lucifer.

6/8: Peggle Dinners

this counts. Everyone get dinnerspilled. Its peak.

8/15: Kirby Triple Deluxe

Lowkey one of those games i just picked up on my 3ds every once in a while and then it was like wait i beat it? huh? okay then. Its a good kirby game i dont really care abt the kirby formula or anything again not rly a 2d platfrmer person but its probably good. I liked gambling for keychains

8/22: Devil May Cry 4

another one of those games that has been on the backlog for fucking ever. I do not like the missions in this game very much there was a lot of screaming in agony. but i like dante and i like nero. it had some great moments. honestly the most important thing this game did was allow me to finally start 5. I also like the catholic beast mode theme that was really fun.

9/1: Super Mario 64

Finished a 120 star run on coop so i'm counting it. had never actually beat the game before so honestly really momentous occasion. Still holds up especially if you play the pc port LMFAO. We've moved on to star road now which now that I think about I should have put on my 2025 bingo

10/13: Heaven Will Be Mine

Good ass game. I finished we know the devil late in 2023 but it took me a long time to get thru hwbm bc i wanted to give it the full attention it deserved. Really confusing as shit but really rewarding once you start learning what all the terms mean, i really love theorizing and thinking abt the implications of the worldbuilding. pluto was a real sleeper hit character for me i think at this point she might be my favourite which is crazy considering how i didnt care abt her at first. realllyyy good game.

12/27: Balatro

Yeah i got it for my birthday. cleared my first run a few days after. its a good video game just like i knew it would be. never stop gambling.

12/31: Hypnospace Outlaw

the new year's special! i'm so glad i finally finished it. it definitely is a game that people probably spend a few hours in to gawk at and then never play again. it was so rewarding to really give it my time and full focus even if it took me a long time to finish it. still thinking abt it. its real good folks. its real good.

heres to more videogames this year<3

[beetlebug-bii]

Lucifer’s Nightmares

Content Warnings: swearing, main game spoilers, crackhead writing because I am still in a silly goofy mood

Requests Open!

TLDR: Lucifer has emotions and also has 0 coping skills, but that’s okay because he got those sweet sweet musical jams...oh and like a partner too or something

Lucifer would rather die than admit he has nightmares practically every night

Like fuck dude

He has that deep rooted guilt based trauma.

Nightmares about bad things happening to you, happening to his brothers, nightmares about Lilith, the war, Michael...father...all of these things mixed together and happening in one tornado of horrible events...

Not only that but his dreams are just so

Vivid

Every time he closes his eyes it all just feels

Real

No one would ever guess that sometimes even the calm and prideful Lucifer wakes up gasping for air, tears in the corners of his eyes

So how does he cope?

Well

He came up with the best solution ever

NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!!!! :D

and then you came

and at first you like had your own room

and didnt live in his room

because you know

you had one

BUT THEN FOR SOME REASON YOU WENT NAHHHH

Your room? Yeah thats mine now

and like what was he gonna say??

No??

He would never say that shit

Especially when you are paying rent in kisses

so like you kind of moved in

But like only kind of because you still wanted your room too and like didnt want anyone else to have it

So you actually have like 13 rooms now

thats beside the point you house thief 

(breaking and entering to the next level, you could probably evict the brothers and win smh)

So you started sleeping in his room

and you noticed he MAYBE just didnt sleep like

Ever

so you went oh yeah i can fix this

and started DRAGGING HIM LIKE A FUCKING RODENT

ALL THE WAY TO HIS BED

YOU TUCKED HIM IN LIKE HE WAS BEING RESTRAINED WITH A STRAIGHTJACKET 

which on an unrelated note would honestly probably do that poor man some good, he needs a vacation to grippyville, they all do

I digress

after centuries of having quite possibly the worst sleep schedule known to man, both to avoid having nightmares and to get his piles of work done

Having to actually just

Lay there

at like

11pm

Was merely just so flabbergasting that he spent like two weeks STILL NOT SLEEPING just to comprehend that he was SUPPOSED to be sleeping

You were bashing your head against the wall

Crying, sobbing, throwing up

take that as seriously as you want

regardless after a while he finally started falling asleep with you!

Why? well he loves you

unfortunately for him

(also you may or may not have been on top of him because he lays there like a fucking ROCK)

He loves you so much that he made a whole sleep schedule and went 

“yeah I can deal with this”

Spoiler alert he couldn’t

But it took about a week of sleeping properly to break him.

and you

because you were thrown

ONLY VAGUELY I SWEAR

HE JUST HAPPENED TO SHOOT UP AND YOU WERE ON TOP OF HIM SO YOU WERE KINDA JUST LAUNCHED ONTO THE FLOOR

Were you a bit frazzled

Maybe

Were you about three seconds from crying, throwing up out of spite, and yelling?

...maybe

But that quickly faded 

The demon before you sat with heavy, staggered breaths, his eyes wide and full of tears

part of you was like haha who is this man

but the other part was like oh shit what happened

Because like

YOU HAVE LITERALLY DIED AND THAT MAN HASNT SHED A

S I N G L E 

TEAR

so sitting there on the floor watching him try and regain what little composure he had left was a bit startling to say the least

So being the lovely not feral partner you are (for now), you sat next to him on the bed

You rubbed his back and whispered gently into his ear while leaning on his chest

Lucifer was also a bit flabbergasted 

Like

Lmao stupid human-

Insert internal sobbing here

Its fine

He held you and pretended nothing happened

Though he knew he definitely wouldn’t be falling asleep again any time soon

Of course you couldn’t just let this slide

You knew Lucifer better than you knew yourself

So

You did the only thing you could think of

You released yourself from his arms, and went to turn on one of his cursed records

“dance with me Luci?” 

You whispered

On a normal day he would’ve rolled his eyes at the girlish nickname

But maybe just for today he would let it slide...

and maybe tomorrow too

and maybe the next da-

So he took your hand and twirled you gently

The two of you slowly swaying to the music in the darkness of his room

The twinkling of fireflies outside the window

You couldn’t take away his fears or his worries or the guilt he carried

But you could stand there with him, gently holding his hand and swaying alongside him

A reminder that maybe

Things were beginning to work out

Because if he was there with you

In this moment with you in his arms

In this universe where you loved him and he loved you

A world where you have overcome all odds

Maybe all the heartache was worth it

Maybe every horrible moment and every heart wrenching sadness lead him here

Maybe that was okay...

Because at the end of it all

Was the single greatest happiness in his life

You

And as long as you were beside him

He could handle a few nightmares

“I love you” he whispers in your ear as he spins and twirls you, the moonlight illuminating your face

And for a moment the nightmares were forgotten

Replaced by him imagining a perfect forever alongside his human

[fictionfixations]

im BACk at the wuthering waving

ngl i really want to join scar he seems very interesting (unfortunately we dont have that choice. no but IMAGINE a game like this but choices we make matter. like like yknow uhh. i mean the only one i can think of rn is like. detroit become human, which has a bunch of branching paths. so like imagine a choice can lead to a wildly different outcome. and so like. we can choose to trust scar or something. IMAGINE. i mean that'd probably go into spoiler-y territory considering idk one side might say something, the other might say something contradictory. or like something that players on a different path dont learn so its complicated. and also probably very hard to actually do. but i just. really adore games like that ngl)

yes i havent even made it to 1.1 yet LMFAO

anyway i dont know what they did but oh my god its so much less laggier (the only thing of note is that im stuck in the loading screens for longer. but i mean honestly i have other things i can do in the meantime while waiting so its not a big deal)

like. i can. actually go through cutscenes and its not just slideshow bullshit that i have to go watch someone else go through it for the cutscene (you know the cutscene where we see general jiyan(?) fighting while we're like nowhere near him? there was so much delay cause it was struggling to shift to jiyan cause it was showing the other stuff with i think the tacet discords? instead so the voices were playing and im just sat here like wtf is going on i dont even see yall what are you doing)

and and i can actually fight and know that my failings are not that its lagging me so i cant dodge. its just that im bad at dodging LOL

also i cant remember but im pretty sure you cant dodge by jumping i think youre meant to dash from it but uhm

i briefly played the solo leveling game so i keep pressing space to either start sprinting or to dodge an attack. which. its kinda funny cause i find myself pressing space playing hsr which is a game you cannot jump in. man, the confusion of playing games with different buttons for actions so when you switch to another you press the wrong button. funniest shit ever ngl (i remember i played genshin and like this one roblox game. decaying winter. and. so they had different buttons for picking up stuff, cant remember which one was e or f. but so. i press the pick up for genshin button out of habit. and then it causes me to place down a bomb LMFAO. i cant pick it up. and if i press f again [its more if i hold it but still] it explodes so i have to pray i didnt spam it, or pray that i didnt accidentally stick it on me because that can happen haha. ..or even that i didnt stick it on a teammate on accident cause friendly fire is a thing)

i feel spoiled though cause hsr and solo leveling have auto so i can just chime in occasionally while something else fights for me. but its like. games like wuwa and genshin (and solo leveling because even with auto i control me. i just have it on because i tend to forget to use like the skills) you have to spam attack. so my hand hates me LMFAO (me typing all this out doesnt help either but uhm i dont know the meaning of giving my hands a break)

anyway pulling plans: Jinhsi, Scar (hopefully), and Camellya..? i think? the the the flower person who called us a seed LMFAO (i keep wanting to think of her as phantylia because for whatever reason the name 'camellya' is hard to remember so uh if i ever misspell..)

also another thing of note. it kinda keeps tripping me up when the dialogue advances without auto. i mean it makes sense cause its going through it along with the character's movement so its not like they can just stop them from moving waiting for you to go to the next dialogue box

but sometimes im doing other stuff and listening to the dialogue but im going to go back to read it because a mix of voiced dialogue and reading the dialogue myself helps me remember best

but uh i get distracted. very easily. so sometimes i need to reread it multiple times to get it to stick, so i kind of wished wuwa had like a log that you could check to go back through peoples dialogue during the actual convo.

genuinely cant remember if its been like that in 1.0 but to be fair theres only so much room (and its still readable anyway)

i wanted to try speedrunning to act 7 (tbh i dont think im even at a high enough like union level(? i think thats what its called) to go through most of the story) but ive underestimated how tired id be

its probably so pixel-y im sorry its cause i dont play full screen so its all smaller-ized (and probably because im playing on the lowest graphics)

but like im sorry jinhsi its just. scar. is. so. cool. AGHHHh

off topic but it always bothers me how in slowed down scenes like this or where characters are in a sort of stasis where they're doing an action but its slowed down for whichever reason (you can see it in anime a bunch) and the character talks a shit ton and im just sat here like how are you speaking that much in this time frame what ???

like the card cant be moving THAT slow can it?? or if so couldnt someone just strike it down before it hits or something?? maybe i shouldnt be trying to apply logic to this. or maybe it is possible and im just very tired so i cant think straight idk

now this is in no way a complaint (i do like this scene) im just nitpicky and have never had the opportunity to express my thoughts about things like this ngl

anyway uh. upside to wuwa in case this turned out to be a very negative post (in which oops)

its never . i. cant recall the terminology. you know when too much is running and your laptop just turns everything off abruptly?

its never done that solo leveling has (and now i never play it without a fan) hsr has but only when ive put it at high graphics cause i wanted to experience it if genshin has, i genuinely cant remember

i cant read roman numerals except 123 idk what act this is but wooo im stopping here now

[bigboyplaya]

sooo conflicted on the reboot. i know it came out awhile ago (i didnt think it was two years old man T_T) but i played it all day and i wanna do a short analysis. Some critics are super nit-picky and straight up unfair, but some are valid. My only gripe, aside from occasional bugs, is the writing tbh.

the story is like if Emil Pagliarulo was the lead writer. and i honestly wouldn't be surprised if he was. the writing quality is on par with the story in Bethesda games after Morrowind, the last game before pagliarulo got his dirty hands on their franchises lmao. Reboot is messy, underdeveloped and worst of all, the twist has no build up, no foreshadowing, nothing. If you're gonna do a twist ending, WRITE THE END FIRST AND WORK BACKWARDS. Nahualli makes no sense bruh.

The companions have no real personality. They're one note and shallow. Not any flaws, not any development. They are stagnant. And we're supposed to care for them. Why should we? Because Kevin is an orphan? Neenah's mum died of cancer? And Eli, idek man. He's just there for the ride. Show us these things instead of telling. I want to like these people, and I don't wanna hate them just cause they're "woke," or whatever. Which, the game is barely even "woke." They got a Pride flag hanging around, and there's little rainbow stuff across the map in some places, but that doesn't mean it's woke or pandering. The people complaining about that probably flip out when they see rainbow anything, whether it's related to LGBT or not. And like some people who actually paid attention to the campaign have said, it's definitely not a woke game. It doesn't really paint the Idols in a good light, or any sort of light tbh, and they're the most stereotypical "wokest" faction in the game.

Anyway, you're sticking me with the only three homies for hours during the game, I'd wanna like them, you know? But there's not an interesting thing about them. They're no better than the nameless NPCs that walk the world.

Characters are also dropped and never brought up again. Like Gwen. Her LARP appearance was whatever, but I wish they her brought up one more time at least, especially since you deal with Marshal near the end (or middle i cant remember) and she isn't there nor does she make an appearance again outside of the beginning Marshal arc and Eli's arc.

The other gangs are soooo generic, too. No substance. Just kill them, move on. Doesn't even feel like you're doing much to them when you do hood takeovers and strongholds, or whatever the equivalent is, because more generic NPC gangsters spawn in and around. No named ones or ones that have any importance except for Neenah and Sergio in the Panteros, none in the Idols apart from Kevin, and Marshal has Gwen and Atticus, and that old lady, with all of three of them not even being present for half the game.

I could do a whole essay about it, but I'll leave this here. I'm working on a YouTube analysis where I'm ranting in grave detail and picking apart things that "critics" should actually focus on, rather than the fact Kevin is a bisexual slut and how it "is unnecessary." I don't remember what youtuber flipped out over that, but he ranted on how it didn't need to be in the game. bro got so mad lmao.

I'm also not against difficulty in games, and maybe that's because I'm a huge fan of older "unfair" titles that came out in the 90s and 2000s. I played through Red Faction 1 as far as I could before giving up and turning on God Mode and Infinite ammo in the console because the difficulty spiked SO HIGH in the last section and I just wanted the game done with, did "Wrong Side of the Tracks," in San: Andreas in multiple playthroughs with no issues, currently struggling through Fallout 1 & 2, and I completed Drug Trafficking Level 8 after a few tries for the Rollerz in Saints Row 1. It's just I have an issue with bullet sponge enemies. Just because I go down in a couple hits while the enemies can soak up an entire magazine and still have three quarters of their health bar doesn't mean the game is the "good" kind of hard. It's just unbalanced. And the Reboot has the shittiest shooter mechanics in a game I've ever seen, and like I said, I play a LOT of older titles, and the enemies become bigger sponges than SpongeBob on any difficulty above "Entrepreneur/normal."

But with all that said, most of the gameplay is pretty fun and I like the clothes and SFX. The accessibility is nice. I'm too anxious to play with timers, or I get mad asf, so it's great you can turn them off without breaking stuff. I mean, Pony Express and the other time trials get super easy, but you can fine tune the other combat and difficulty options to make it a little tougher.

[watsername]

What are your thoughts about?

I was gonna try and collect my thoughts coherently before I started talking bu ti cant be bothered doing that so like. about the dream and that one circle of mcyt that just fucking hate them .

actually this is about how I have felt observing the dream space recently.

im uncomfortable?? not with the dream team, I still really love them and I enjoy their content and I do still watch sap naps streams if im awake for them but honestly taking time just to spend time on my f1 blog has been like a weight lifted from my shoulders.

just talking about dtblr, ive seen people trying to make the best of the situation by live-blogging sapnaps streams making jokes spreading positivity for all 3 of them but it doesn't really of much to take away from the pressure of the situation. Every day it seems like some cc somewhere has something to say about dream or George or sapnap and every day we rush over here to discuss it. it almost feels like theres this pressure to perform and to respond to what is being said, we need to discuss everything as a controversy no matter how stupid or insignificant the situation is and we contribute to the snowballing of tiny things that honestly dont need the attention the theyre getting and its tiring to watch. like im at the point where im scrolling past 'did you see what x said' because honestly I dont give a shit I dont give a shit about a cc who spoke to the dteam on discord maybe twice talking about their 'truth' I really dont care .

im genuinely just fed up with the way the creator space and fan spaces behave. Dream posts 'pls talk to me' and creators say 'but that won't get me clout' back to him.

who gives a shit if dreams stole punz girlfriend. who cares if dream sent a dm that might have been considered rude to Sara Simons a fully grown ducking middle aged woman with better things to do than start twitter drama. who gives a shit about sniff having one insignificant negative interaction with dream over a year. none f this is your fucking turret its just airing out high school level petty drama that could easily be fixed with a fucking dm . its pathetic. the way so many creators are going 'I too am a victim' and its 'he sent me a private message I didnt like' who fucking cares. and all of this 'ill stream explaining my story' what story. that he made a joke in bad taste. its performative. they want views they want twitters support they want to seem like theyre on the RIGHT side so theyre just pulling any old story out of their ass to add to the mentality of the mob and make it seem like yes I too hate dream because he is so awful when in reality he was probably just a bit of a twat like a lot of guys in their early 20s are . the only way hes gonna know that he did something that made u annoyed or upset or even mildly fucking miffed in the case of Sara fucking Simons is if you tell him. and we saw that bc 5 mins later shes saying oh its all fine he messaged me . see how fucking easy it is to actually fix these tiny ass issues if you actually have a conversation before launching a hate campaign on twitter dot com . and people going off to run with it and add it to the pile of 'poof' they have. hell ive seen someone saying they appreciate dream saying they want to talk about situations and saying they want to chat with him about an experience they had with one of his friends like what does that have to do with dream actually why not just take the initiative and talk to the actual person involved instead of making dream do it for u. its all just drama mongering

on a more serious note I really dont know how to feel with the whole situation with caiti. George didi fuck up and im not moving from that stance- whatever happened he made her feel uncomfortable and went on the defence instead of prioritising apologising to her for the way she felt about the situation.

what I cat fucking stand is how weirdly this situation has evolved. the initial statement was that he had touched her waist and tickled her and cat didnt like that. THAT CONTACT the touching of her waist was spread across twitter as a sexual assault. which its fucking not and it pisses me off as a victim to see how loosely terms of sex crime are being thrown around bc no matter how uncomfy you are touching your waist is not a sex crime. there was no mention of inappropriate touching actually, just that he had crossed a physical boundary with her and ive already talked about why I can empathise with that delayed reaction in feeling deeply uncomfortable with the situation . so it confused me as to why people on tiktok were spreading misinformation that his hands were down her pants and cat coming out of left field with he was grabbing my tits. because none of that was ever discussed in any of her prior statement and that seems like pertinent information when were discussing sexual assault. and from what ive seen her friends timeline of events dont match up with hers. her timeline of events onset even match up that well with her other comments on the situation and all of it just feels so fucking odd. why do the details change depending on who you ask and when you ask them

but I wasn't there. I dont know what actually happened. having experienced it you automatically hold that understanding towards her despite all the backlash because people blamed me too, they didnt believe me either and you never want to completely dismiss it no matter how weird the story seems because what if. keeping myself in the situation is stretching myself in two different directions where one is dismissing the claims of assault because nothing adds up and the other is she might be like me .

the reaction to caitis initial statement has snowballed extremely out of proportion if u ask me. nobody needs to know everyones personal grievances with dream or George or sapnap and to say that youre sharing these to support victims is a straight lie bc it has nothing to do with victims they receive nothing from your story that he made a bad joke 3 years ago or whatever and everything to do with the fact that you are utilising an opportunity to gain relevancy again and I dont want to partake in their relevancy.

I dont want to partake in any of this fucking drama actually. it's non stop. it's constant. its all over my dash all day every day but maybe its just the ppl im following idc. but I dont want to come back into a community where im going to find myself fighting to justify why I still enjoy the content of some creators while there are other creators receiving less vitriol for breaking the literal fucking law . its exhausting . its been years of it for me .

im not mentally well. I have a lot going on in my family life and I didnt realise how bad things were until I told my work friend I hadn't seen in a while my 'family drama' and she and the assistant manager pulled me aside and said 'im so sorry youre going through that right now are you dealing with everything alright?'. I have my final exams within the next month. I need to pass these to graduate. I have so much that is already causing me stress in my life and so much of the misinformation around the situation is so triggering and untagged and I dont want to log on and see another bout of 'x responds to x' 'x talks about dream' 'x shares thoughts on George situation' . I cant fucking do that right now.

people have called it the cowards way out, bailing at the burden of controversy but im not switching sides. im not deactivating. im not becoming a dranti. I still talk about the dteam i still like the dteam but I cannot force myself to endure other peoples stresses at the time being . thats all ive been thinking about rlly .

[arundolyn]

Permission to ask a stupid question but why the hell was Ragna going around and blowing up cauldrons in the first place because I don't get it?? Was he just trying to piss off the NOL? Trying to wrap my head around Blazblue lore makes my head hurt

oh as blazblue questions go this one's surprisingly straightforward and honestly not really stupid considering how blazblue just drops you into the world and explains Not Much. 2 reasons, 1) pissing off the NOL bc he dgaf about them, it's a big show of power cause he's kinda the only one that can do it (not really, by any means, but hes the only one they know of that Does and it makes him a huge threat bc actually for real killing and disabling one just makes a city fully uninhabitable until its fixed, as with akitsu-otsu and ko, the latter of which is the snow town stage. you can imagine why people dont live there anymore. iirc that's the only one ragna got away with destroying completely? relius exposits about this in chronophantasma for a second kinda unprovoked. as he does) and it both draws their attention and puts a huge target on his back, and is an extreme statement that he's not fucking around. second reason and honestly the major one aside is specifically because that's what they were using to make prime field saya clones after kidnapping her and it pissed him off. like genuinely that's all he needed. if he even knows about the time travel fuckery or black beast ramifications or the fact that for realsies killing one in a way levels a city its kinda irrelevant because hes hell bent on his saya revenge quest. pissing off the NOL probably wasnt even his original intent but it wasnt inconvenient enough for him to be deterred by it so he just leaned into it. in one of iirc ragna's endings in CT where he meets nu, i think the regular one not the true one? it's been a while. one or both of them mention him killing her before at least once probably multiple times. i dont remember if its hard confirmed but its definitely safe to assume she was the first and only saya clone he saw bc the times he killed her she was incomplete and he destroyed her before she was done cooking (smelting) and she couldnt fight back or speak but was conscious enough to be aware of it happening but unable to do anything about it and thats literally just why shes like that. in cs it can also be argued that its cause cauldrons consume tons of human souls to smelt a kusanagi, but like. for ragna thats kinda neither here nor there especially considering the souls used were just NOL soldiers in kagutsuchi at the time pretty much. and also everyone seemed to get over that one pretty quick fdjkhf

tldr, for ragna specifically, any plot contrivance and worldbuilding stuff doesnt matter, his only real goal he set out for to start with was find saya and then turned into making the NOL stop cloning his sister. afaik he didnt even know why they did it just got on his nerves. questionable prime field morality and ethics need not apply thats literally Just His Sisters Face

[secondchoice-ragdoll]

I saw your answer to that other anon asking if K’s unrequited love was T and I appreciate your response but I wanted to throw another idea into the ring! First of all I think T&K love each other deeply in ways that are definitely more than just friends, and it’s never been unrequited. But I think K probably thinks T never felt the same way that she did since she was rejected that one time (despite all the evidence to the contrary that T very much still thinks about it in a way that’s more than just jokes). But it’s not like either of them has said I love you as in I’m in love with you (that we know of) so like… how would the other know how they really feel about each other if they’ve never clearly expressed it?

Anyways my theory is that K is talking about the guy back in Boston who she used to hook up with who she said if things had been different, she would’ve married him. K wrote about him at length in both of their books, but she’s mentioned him a couple of times in stories too. He was the ex military construction worker who was a client that she said she would’ve fucked for free (she also said this on unhhhh) because he always overplayed and tipped and she would make him pay for STI tests she wasn’t actually taking and he would still pay even if she canceled and even with all of that he was respectful and the best sex of her life at the time. She also implied that she liked talking to him too and it wasn’t just about the sex for her. K said that he was the one who would make comments like I would never know you’re not a woman (complimentary) and if things were different he would’ve walked down the street with her (not complimentary). Both of those stories K has told many times and clearly they had a lasting impact on her with regards to her identity. So yeah, that’s why I think she was talking about this man because she said that she was in love with him and would’ve married him but he said he had plans to marry (another) woman. It’s heartbreaking honestly. I often thought she was talking about her 16 year old straight friend crush too, because he’s another that has come up often. But I don’t believe K really considers that love. I recommend reading about the sections on sex work in both of their books because when she talked about this guy, that’s what convinced me she was in love with him and he’s the one she as talking about.

I know it’s a common theory amongst fans that K is talking about T, and maybe on a subconscious level she is too, but I don’t think K would be so obvious like that in front of T. I think she’s thinking about someone specific and it’s the Boston guy. Though I do think T has thought it’s about her at times and I agreed that she wants to know so many details about K’s love and sex life because her mind is imagining what if it’s me. Just, if T does feel that way and after 10 years it seems like she she does, why not tell her you love her when you love her? What’s the worst that could happen at this point? They’ve survived worse and have only come back stronger. Why not give it an honest shot? I truly believe they would still stay in each others lives even if the relationship didn’t work out. But maybe that’s the risk they don’t want to take and the fear of losing each other is too strong. That’s the tragedy of them.

hi u r amazing. just wanted to get that out of the way😋😋

srsly thank you for contributing to the conversation!! i actually havent read their books bc they r not avaliable in this godforsaken country i live in (i need books in hard copy, sorry😭), so i didnt know i missed out on such stories, but good to know!

i a 100% agree w u on T&Ks relationship being not unrequitedly more than friendship, and id say that K is in this exact particular belief. despite T being soooooooo loud abt it... (u couldnt shut her up abt loving and knowing K even if u tried)

like i said, i had no idea that the (otherwise rarely?) mentioned Boston guy left such an impact on K, so this is a really fascinating addition. and yeah, knowing what i know now, i believe it is probably this guy, not the "bj w braces" one😭😭 (i would have been surprised if he had been the one K identified as her one actual romantic love, he seemed more like a "first crush that things happened w" thing?)

its really so sad, this Boston guy seems like such a nice man? i can see how the comments he made to K and how decently he treated her could have led to her counting him as the one person she was in love w :((( yes it is very heartbreaking that he went on to marry that other woman, poor K baby.

my point is quite similar, like if they could just somehow magically have a damn discussion abt the topic.... but nooooo! ugh😩

i do think T thinks K is talking abt her, or at least has that in her top 3 guesses. and i mean, she is not wrong? but still i wouldnt think Kd say it like this infront of her so many times.

THE TRAGEDY OF THEM. yes. exactly. srsly if anyone catches me being in love w my friend for a decade and they reciprocate the feelings and i dont do anything abt it u should call an ambulance bc smth if off-track. i literally dont know how it would be such a risk they appear to see it as, like, its not like they dont know each other? not like they dont want each other? not like they dont hang out (well. usually) a lot? soooooo? i really dont know, i get how it can be scary BUT GOD.

[curedeity]

If you’ve got any, 17 for the fanfic ask?

17. Do you have any other writers or works that inspire you (i think that was the question i didnt copy paste)

Yes always and inspo is one of my favorite things to talk about!

One of my first writing inspirations was the Percy Jackson books, and that phase of my life still kind of influences the genres im interested in writing and the like. I read a lot more novels when i was younger so i remember having more distinct favorites back then. As for novels right now, Id say Kelly Barnhill is one of the bedt authors ive recently read. Her narrative style is quite captivating, her chapters are short, and there is always a slightly different progression than i imagine there being. Ive only finished "the girl who drank the moon" but i started both "iron-heart(ed?) violet" and "when women were dragons". I wish i still used goodreads so i could go theough a list of what books id read recently, but i wanna quickly mention ve schwab. Her books are hit or miss and not always the best but damn sometimes she puts out a banger, and when she tries she can have an impeccable narrative style that leaves me breathless. Sometimes i also like reading neil gaiman works. They both intrigue and inspire me somewhat but i dont think to the same extent other authors have

Now that was JUST novel inspos!

A lot of my main writing inspiration actually comes from podcasts. Welcome to Night Vale was a huge early writing inspiration for me, introducing me to a surreal style of writing that i love getting to develop. Wtnv and other productions by its team are often so stylish that it is impossible to not be inspored listening to them. I think wtnv and within the wires are my faborites on a writing level.

Cant forget the magnus archives, the narration is very slick and the interconnected plot growth so well done, along with really good and intriguing inpersonal dynamics that never failed to offer something intriguing. I never finished season 5 but i remember listening to just some of the first episodes and being awestruck at how stylish the writing was.

Then there is unwell podcast! One of my favorite pidcasts to discuss on a writing level, it has so many ups and downs, but one thing i will give it is having great character voices! There is not a single character that doesnt speak distinctly and the dialogue flows so well, being one of the best parts of the show. Id love to be able to write character voices as well as they do.

For tv shows now!

Madoka Magica has squickly become a huge writing inspiration for me. Honestly, more like the crown jewel of great writing. I cannot praise madoka magicas writing enough. Its thematic unravelling is so layered, its character writing gripping, its way of writing narrative parallels and foils impeccable, and just. God. Incredible. I cannot explain how much i want to be able to write on madoka magicas level. But madoka magica is the only show ill mention bc the other stuff i watch is often shit.

Uhhhhhhh for video games... i havent played that many yet sorry. While i love pokemon, it isnt a writing inspiration, and most games i play dont speqk to me like that.

And then comes the format thet is probably most applicable... fanfic...

Ill admit i read a lot of fanfic, but i dont actually think that many inspire me writing wise, so ill take a second and just focus on beyblade to say Val was my biggest inspiration to write beyblade fanfic in my fandom early days. I was inspired by some of the stuff she did, and especially some character dynamics (madoka and yuki) but realized i wanted to do incredibly different things. So i think her inspiration wasnt so much of "oh god i love this idea and characyers and synamic and plot" but just like, more of a realization of what i might be able to do with the characters as a whole?

Also wanna drop that Sadie has an impeccable writing style omg im literally eating it up i need it. Sadies art is also a huge inspiration for me to the surprise of no one who has seen Hikarus Adoption Agenda.

[divorcingjimmatthews]

season 2 episode 5 reactions as i watch

huge spoilers obviously

(this is mostly for myself to have somewhere to scream as i go, its LONG AF youve been warned)

RANDALL IS SCARING ME SO MUCH LIKE PLEASE DONT BANG ON STUFF WHAT IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY MAKE THE TALISMAN FALL I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK WITH THIS SCENE. RANDALL STOP STOP STOP YOURE GOING TO DIE DUDE

(straight up cant watch the rest of the episode because i paused it and cant bring myself to unpause lmaooo. from ends here for me i guess)

ok its over thank god

JADE STOP DRINKING SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN. hes even sleeping with the fucking journal like please he needs 20 interventions

also dammit he actually moved to the bar i accidentally manifested it LMAO

can the show please stop torturing this man with the hallucinations please and thank you

TABITHA IS IN MAMA WOLF MODE LETS GO

boyd defending sara... knowing what happened to his wife and what she did... oh man. this hurts. knowing tabitha also lost a child before turns the intensity of all this to eleven millions

LMAO ok someone calling tabitha out for her basement hole and its consequences at long last. i love tabitha but like it has to be acknowledged

"That part i cant help you with" dang Good Line

honestly cant even imagine how sara is feeling i dont know what id be doing in her situation like just watching it stresses me so much.

ETHAN BABY :'(((( im sobbing

KRISTI IS SO PRETTY oh my god i am so bisexual right now. she cant just do this. the shirtttt. i think im seeing the sweetest and most beautiful woman in the world

dhsjfhsh marielle doing the same thing with the shirt that i had the reader do in my fic i cant even

"For a long time it smelled like you. Now it just smells" i laughed so hard

"Youre still you" 🥺

SARA GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU TRYING TO GET K oh yeah wait she probably is

oh its her house ok god i thought she'd gone to the matthews'

NEW HOUSE WHO DIS

cant belive an extra got one of the few houses this is so funny to me for no reason

this scene gosh. ouch. ouch. im taking 2 damage per second watching this episode

JADE. the bottles. jade my beloved this is point of no return level stuff. mrs Liu please come get him home

VICTOR

victoooor

"You dont look good" im losing it

thank you victor

victor 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i love him. the sweetest

JADE IM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU DONT BE LIKE THISSS

"WAIT" i fucking cant i love this man

"This took me all fucking night" jade never stop being the funniest mf on the planet please

jim calling tabitha tabby is so sweet it got me

"Faith. In you" oh boy. Oh man. Oh boy oh man. This scene. How is this show hitting every singe fucking note.

donna brought up abby omgomg

OK BUT CAN YOU BLAME HIM FOR WANTING TO FIND AN ALTERNATIVE THIS TIME

(maybe)

(arghhhh this is so hard)

"only monsters live in the woods" ethan i love everything you say. go my boy

(sara voice) okay

"The trees theyre changing" i love how victor is 100% harmless but could NOT be any more ominous lmaooo

CAR GRAVEYARD

"When i was alone i moved the cars because i didnt want to see them. Theres a lot more behind the rocks but those were already here" GODDAMMIT

no but victor is literally the sweetest man on earth. you were rightfully angry victor !! jade now you apologise.

"okay" ill kill him

victor sitting on the car 🥺🥺🥺🥺 im going to cry

what a scene. my god.

SARA HAS ONLY BEEN THERE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS?

"Do you live here in town" ELGIN i love you

poor julie if she knew her crush is out there flirting with the local murderer

"I like what i like and i like owls" based. thats me writing 300 jade posts per day

oh boy this scene (me about every scene)

"THAT PART ALWAYS SEEMED A BIT LIKE WISHFUL THINKING TO ME" im. ill be processing for 3 years

"Did you do something that needs forgiving?" elgin my sweet boy

jim rightly proud of his badass kid

"you put hate inside me" :'(

is she gonna give her her stuff damn shes too nice

a part of me is feeling like shes gonna smash it tho lmao

SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU MRS LIU

i am starting to assume that everyone forgot about tobey so jade is never even gonna know that it was sara lmao

KENNY

oh my god kenny

im hurt seeing him so hurt

TOWNSPEOPLE CAN WE GIVE KENNY A BREAK OVER HERE PLEASE WHAT R U STARING AT HES VERY RIGTHFULLY MAD HE HAS EVERY RIGHT

oh elgin

elgin youre too sweet

elginnnnn

everyones gonna hate you elgin 😭😭😭 i am suffering for you

KRISTI BECAME EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL THIS IS NOT A DRILL

now please do jade

"KRISTI WHERE ARE YOU GOING BABY STOP"

KRISTI NO NO NOOOOOO

i love her so much

"People liked him, then he changed" dont do this to me

"I am at the end of my rope" oh god

TABITHA??????

holy fucking shit im going to die of heart attack

this doesnt have captions i dont know what the creepy ghost children are saying

I WAS LITERALLY THINKING I WISHED TABITHA AND JADE WOULD INTERACT AND LOOK AT THIS NOW

i knew jim would not vote box lets goo

BOYD WHY

Randall ????

OKAY that tabitha and marielle scene from last episode was bothering me so much i cant believe i didnt think of this

what an episode my god

[hertwood]

dts s2 e4-6

e4: -sorry seb's "says who?" at the start of episode (in response to ferrari telling him what to do) GAGGED sets the tone for the episode PERFECTLY -mattia talks about monza the way indy drivers talk abt the 500 lmao -the whole "there is no #1 driver" bit makes me think hey r there parallels to be drawn between sebchal here and alonso/hamilton in 2007? just thinkin about it -before i get to far i want to share some thoughts: when i first watched this episode with NO prior knowledge it was rly hard to follow. after i heard about the specifics of the ferrari engine controversy (cheating), for the second watch i remember this episode suddenly clicking for me! this episode would've benefitted so much from a will buxton monologue explaining the juicy details for a newish viewer. i understand that there might have been pressure from ferrari to not include those details but it is such a shame, to have such a core piece of information missing and viewers have to try to piece together the narrative without it :/ -HI LAURA WINTER -very much get the impression that seb is like the family member who notices the generational trauma and going hey maybe we should change things to stop that and gets exiled from the family instead :) those sure are the vibes -HI CHARLOTTE -im sorry the back to back "seb has a lack of confidence with the car. and charles' car is not performing" like theyre the same car but you're gonna frame it like its seb's fault but not charles's? mattia choke -at the part where they're explaining the engine controversy--i still stand by wishing they explained it better and EARLIER because i think its much needed context for the first half of the episode too -at the end of the day all i need to know is that seb clearly thought that what ferrari did was wrong, and thats all i need to know if he says so then i believe it!! -the way netflix is trying to tease like ~oh imagine all the different teams he could go to! who wouldnt want him~ is so cheeky but also i NEED to know what this was like live when yall didnt know where he was going i'm JEALOUS i wish i got to be there for it all to unfold -double ferrari dnf at monza must've been crazy to watch live too lmao -seb zigzagging through all the photographers on his bicycle. love him -seb announcing his new seat the same weekend as ferrari's 1000th is crazy ex girlfriend levels of unhinged (pos). like posting ultrasound pics the same day as your ex's wedding type of shit. no one does it like him -sorry im incapable of watching ferrari episodes without writing an essay. hope you enjoyed

ep5: -the great daniel/cyril divorce -i cant remember who said it or where i saw it but when i first got into f1 properly someone talked about how Different things might've been if there hadn't been covid--since the season was delayed, the contract was signed before reneault could have any races with daniel that year--so daniel could only make that decision based off 2019 races -the jump clearly did not work out for him but alpine also went to shit too. but if cyril hadn't left who knows. i think all of daniel's choices make sense honestly!!!! he just got very unlucky -anyway their dynamic is insane and they deserve soooo many more fic than they have!! -"it's probably a bit like being dumped by a girlfriend, but she hasn't moved out of the house yet." christian did eat with this one. unfortunately -i love cyril but him being the one to actually complain about the pink mercedes feels very..... my wife is divorcing me so i'm gonna sue my neighbors over the property line -"i hate those fucking pink cars" oh i need to gif that. i'll be watching and i'll just KNOW like yeah that needs to be in the next gifset -i cant believe i havent mentioned it yet renault colors are the BEST daniel has ever looked i miss having yellow n black on the grid. maybe thats why alpine went to shit they gave up the best color combo they could have

e7: -pierre redemption episode!!! i think this is one of the best episodes ever tbh. very cathartic movie plotline really ticks all the boxes -HI PATRICK -ok but the fact that dts NEVER covered alex's podiums w red bull after milking the shit out of his missed podiums is a hate crime to me personally -onboards going through eau rouge are scary af. -filled with rage at how christian horner chews up new drivers and spits them up (even though its all so predictable at this point. no one will ever live up to the golden boy) -i remember seeing people complain that the williams family leaving wasn't given focus in dts, if anyone has any fun video essays about that i'd love to watch! -i do take issue with will buxton saying "red bull can't admit they made a mistake (with alex)" i think red bull made a mistake with promoting ANYONE too early and expecting too much from them, but not in a pierre v alex way. neither of them were given enough time or support by red bull to flourish. and they lowkey admitted that recently lmao -but it /is/ cathartic to know that red bull have tried to get alex back since then and he doesn't need his toxic ex in his life anymore no thanks ✌️ -i just know i'll LOVE watching this race in full -they set up the suspense so well for the end of the race -and it really is. if carlos had won this race with mclaren, his first win, how different would the trajectory of his career been -ANYWAY theres something that just always gets me about men holding all their emotions in right until they cross the finish line and they finally allow themselves to feel the emotions. (recent example that made me SOB was theo when he won f2) i also love how much it clearly meant to the alphatauri guys in the garage. last time that happened was with seb for torro rosso yeah? so its clearly so so special

[system-of-a-feather]

Honestly, I was talking / thinking with Chunn today on the way back from work about it, but every day I learn more about our past and every day I understand how our autism manifests itself in the present and how it presented in the past... the more I realize just how lucky and protective being autistic was to my specific childhood.

Cause through talking with our therapist, we realized that just on a neurodivergence level, even beyond trauma, our brain just has atypical attachment patterns and an atypical relationship within our social drive that stems from our autism. We are the "Object Attached" Brand TM of Autistic and growing up, it honestly shielded us from a lot of betrayal / attachment related trauma which, in the long run, shielded us from a lot of long term psychological damage regarding our relationship with our caregivers and what not.

It isn't to say it perfectly protected us and that we are "the special individual who doesn't need parents or people" cause no - even if we don't have the same attachment patterns and social motivators that others do, we are still a human which is a social species and we were still a kid, so the neglect and abuse did still cause long lasting damage. Additionally, even without attachment motivators to our parents present, having grown up in an environment where I was always having to be self sufficient and never felt safe still has it long lasting impacts

But at the same time, relative to what we went through, we were given an unnatural predisposition for independence which is exactly what I needed a shit ton of to survive and get out of my shitty childhood with as minimal long term scarring as possible.

And sometimes, I think about it. What it would have been like if I had any inherent motivation to be a part of a group. If I had any inherent discomfort with other people judging me. If I had any larger drive to be attached to a caregiver - at least to any level more than I was driven to be attached to a doll or cool rock. If I was really particularly capable of being ashamed. If I was really particularly capable of feeling "lonely" when no one would pick me rather than being dense to potential judgement and just boisterously forcing my way into engagements. If I actually picked up on a quarter of the probable bullying as ACTUAL insults and hostility rather than people acknowledging traits about myself that I was actually proud of.

There was a lot of abuse in our life - a lot of room for extreme and long lasting damage - that we could have had that we really never took as "damage" because we never really processed them as attacks or ever really felt a need to have them.

And that isn't so much in the "I didnt know I could have it" but genuinely in a "oh even if I could have it, I'm kinda fine that we didnt" manner.

It poses it's own challenges because that intense lack of drive and "normal attachment / social drive" was only reinforced by the trauma and at this point, it takes A LOT of thought and unlearning to realize what "normal attachment / social needs" are and how to properly engage with them on a compassionate level

But honestly? It protected me a lot and I'm kind of really thankful for it, even if now it causes me a lot of issues.

Also on that note, people tend to talk about people who "have a weak attachment / social beloning drive" to be "stronger" or "built different" than people who do need attachments and a sense of belonging in a group and honestly?

I disagree, HEAVILY.

It is easy to Not have to deal with needing people or belonging. Yes, its hard to deal with that In A Society, but emotionally, it is easy. Not caring and not being there is not a sign of "strength" because its just not having the innate demand / challenge.

People who do have a more typical need for people and belonging and navigate the complex emotions and difficulties of having that need and still get those needs met in a healthy way ESPECIALLY with trauma and relational trauma, those people are strong. They might not talk "big and strong", but I don't know if I would have survived my trauma if I didn't have my atypical detatchment and shit.

But anyways, I digress, I'm rambling. Just some thoughts for today.

[nihiltism]

oh boy I finished (citation needed) a new game time to add to the veedia tag again

metal: hellsinger (ps4)

this game is Lovely. this game is so fun. I cannot aim to save my god damn life. metal hellsinger accomplished a major feat in having the only possible setup in the entire world to encourage me to play a first person shooter (being, really good metal and rhythm mechanics) and to that I applaud it because I consider fpses to be sort of my mortal enemy? right next to mmos and fighters? im gonna go into it more let me not take up ur entire dash.

the gameplay is Lovely. i did play on easy mode but ough the. shotgun cocking effects to the beat of a good metal song. there is Nothing Like It. the difficulty is Honestly Not Bad ** given some practice time and its very much a delight to play. well. save for one part but ill get to that. its a darkly lit game which is a problem but all of the enemies are color coded, glow, and have their own sounds and that alleviates it a bit.

i will say that the game is. Not Optimized to PS4? it is. Quite Glitchy and while I don't mind most of them i know some people do and there were a few that very much got in my way (i posted the acheron boss glitch a couple hours ago). also sometimes enemies just get stuck in the floor and youre waiting for them to pop up so you can move on. thats fun. also the bug enemies suck. the shield enemies also suck. those arent glitches i just hate them.

as for plot uh. this game was not made for plot. i accept this. its kinda Just Okay but it doesnt really need to be more than that. you play a scary demon lady who wants nothing more than to rip the devil limb from limb. whats better than that. youve got a troy baker skull. the plot there is admittedly pretty cute especially if you try to analyze the lyrics but i am also very much a sap and it hit a specific genre of Relationship In Media That Is So (Kinda Just There) Its Not Even A Subplot which is one of the few genres i can actually stand. i will say i feel i got a bit beauty and the beasted at the ending but like. eh. it wasnt that much. anyway. next point

theres no bad songs in here. my favorite is this devastation easily. ost introduced me to arch enemy which is a band you can all tell I'm normal about. the lyrics only kick in when youre at max multiplier so being able to hear a good drop is a good motive to get decent and not get hit. i think my ranking of songs is this devastation - no tomorrow - burial at night/stygia - dissolution and then everything else is kind of at the bottom in no particular order. not to say i dont like them but theyre all the same level of like. also serj tankian is there. he is lovely. he does the final boss theme (no tomorrow) that I wish I could fucking hear him over damage sound effects and myself swearing. yeah now we get to that

** The Final Boss Is Bad. yeah my main problem (and kinda only Real Problem) with this game is uh. i dont think i can actually finish it? there is an Enormous difficulty spike at the final boss to the point where my first run of lasted a solid Two Minutes if that and i am on easy mode. my friend described it as (game is touhou now) and yeah i can see it. first person touhou. nobody wants to play first person touhou. i dont want to play first person touhou. i didnt actually beat the game i just watched the ending and resolved to get back to it when i feel like it (never) and do better things with my time. like draw unknown in little outfits.

anyway thats My Thoughts. its a good game and i will probably keep playing the levels over n over. for people who dont replay these games over n over it is definitely not worth the money as you can pretty easily slash through all the levels in one sitting if you know what youre doing but i am easily entertained and love rhythm games. stay tuned for doodles of the unknown with my general fashion sense. listen to the two best tunes also. maybe listen to the whole ost after if u like it.

[yakdeculture]

Monochrome Mobius: Rights and Rongs Forgotten Review

before finishing: I’m up to chapter 7 I think so I’m probably 60~70 percent through the game I’m like level 40 or something honestly I think I overleveled because its like kind of easy to do it’s pretty easy when the world first opens up and you have to go to the forrest you can basically explore the entire first section of the map because the enemies are all around the same level so if you kind of just wander around looking for stuff because you play the game absentmindedly because the story is like nothing at that point you get to the point where when you attack an enemy on the feild you autokill them and it comes pretty easy to just kill everything you see like that and farm way more xp than the game expects you to for pretty much the whole game I feel like I’ve been 5 levels ahead of what it thinks you will be like the sidequests give recommended levels and I’m pretty much always over it by at least 3. Anyways I think this game is very up and down tha main story is pretty interesting but there are multiple times when it kind of just comes to a halt. I mean I guess this is pretty normal for Utawarerumono in Prelude the middle part of the game is basically just fighting jobbers, Mask of Deception is basically just Haku chilling for a while, and then in this one its like okay the gang needs to become stronger so you can’t really advance the plot but also half the stuff you do is like you don’t really feel like you’re getting stronger you go train under Dikotoma and that’s cool but also I don’t think you ever do any actually on screen training with him. In general I think this game is very hit or miss with its presentation it feels like it doesn’t always know how to take advantage of having actual character models they can use to show things and they also don’t take advantage of the more ADV text sections because the CGs are pretty scarce and also there aren't that many expressions the characters do so its just like. Kind of clear they probably didn’t have the budget or experience to make this kind of game I’m making it sound like it sucks ass and it doesn’t its fine but I started playing this again because there’s going to be a new one and I hope they learned something from this one and make it better because it looks like we have older versions of some of the characters and if we waste beautiful 30 year old Kuon I’m probably going to end it all. There are a lot of scenes in the middle of this game where it’s like Hey remember Mask of Deception? Remember when this happened? And it’s like wait I do. That’s crazy. But the game is pretty good I will finish it.

after finishing: I immediately went back to playing this after like 2 years of no progress because as soon as Uta 4: Morbius 2 was announced I was like OH FUCK and I had to beat this and I’m glad I did holy fuck the story was, much like 1 and 2, kind of nothing for half the game and but the other half, especially towards the end, holy fuck peak blast dude. I really didnt know anything about what happened in this game and I think thats because its a mix of like basic stuff some general winks and nods and references that are like hey remember these bits from 2? Lets start them here! But like i had no concept of what this game would do for the overall lore of the series and i definitely had no idea that this had like some of the most insane sequel bait of all time. I am genuinely really excited to see where this series goes and what Uta 4 can do to build on the stuff this game has and sets up. Like its gonna be absolutely crazy unfortunately I dont think I have anyone to talk about what the implications of any of this stuff could mean and what could be in store so basically what I’m saying is i need my uta fan friends to play this game. Yes the gameplay is pretty mid not bad but definitely rough definitely their first crack at this but trust me bro. At the very least watch the Full Game Cutscene + extras youtube video wherever that may be

[av-potatogun]

were every hargreeves siblings lonely and lone? Were they all incapable of making friends truly?did they had any choice in the matter after they left the hargreeves mansion at 18,19?

i believe all the siblings (at least of the og bunch) were lonely and felt alone

i dont know about incapable of making friends, but they had circumstances that hindered that ability.

luther and five are exempt from an actual analysis of their social skills, because both were extremely hindered by isolation, and im not about to get into the effects of isolation on the brain. ben is also exempt because he was dead, and honestly sparrow ben is different enough that they would socialize differently.

allison was not used to having to consider how other people would feel or react to her, because her only socialization as a kid was her siblings who she could make shut up whenever she wanted. not having to actually consider how her actions would be recieved made her a rather inconsiderate individual, which did end up biting her in the ass, especially with her marriage.

its not her fault that she was like this, but it is her fault that it took her husband catching her rumoring their child for her to realize that what she was doing was wrong. she did not process how bad the academy had made her, and so had to be confronted with it.

diego, i talked about his inferiority complex playing into what he thinks he wants in life, especially pre show. that deeply affected his relationships, because even if he was getting better, he hurled himself right back into the unsocialized angry person he was. accidentally destroying those relationships probably made it hard for him to develop more, because no one really gets him. in that sense he was probably lonely, but he did still have friends, even though they didnt support his actions.

klaus is next, and he could make friends, and probably made lots a friends. in fact, i would say he needed to make friends, because being alone with ghosts is awful and being alone high is ill advised. there was also always ghostie ben so he was never truly alone in that sense, but much like diego, there was no one who could truly understand him. klaus was singular in his world, and he couldnt be understood. everyone thought he wanted to be high, but to him, he needed to be high. addiction is a hell of a disorder and it ruins friendships, but honestly klaus had no way to cope with the torture that his power had been on him otherwise either.

hes the only one i would argue truly had no choice of where he was at the start of the show, because he was an addict as a child. not only that but his addiction stemmed from finally being able to ignore the very power he was tortured by.

finally, viktor. i waffle a bit about how deeply allisons rumors work, but even if they are surface level, being raised to believe youre perfectly ordinary when surrounded by the extraordinary is a lonely life. also, raising a kid to believe theres nothing special about them has lasting effects. trust me on that, kids raised to think they dont stand out suffer socially. the viktor that we saw at the beginning of the show had embraced that loneliness. the part where i waffle about allison's rumors is that viktor wrote an actual exposé on everyone and still had no attention on him at all. thats played in a way that i feel hes almost been willed to stay in the background and so faded from the limelight much quicker than most.

now that has no bearing on viktors ability to make friends, and i think he is able to, but unwilling. he wants to be someone that people put in effort for, but is unable or refuses to parse through the beginning of a friendship, because in viktors experience, everyone hes seen be friends immediately make that deep connection and he doesnt see or know the work that really goes into it. its very easy, especially as a depressed person, to find comfort in lonely monotony and it becomes hard to break out of that enough to form connections.