#HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL SO SCARED
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr is used by 21% of adults online aged 18-29 years.
Text
i’m sooooooooo stressed about a message i just sent but i am glad i sent it bc if i hadn’t i would’ve spent the rest of however long thinking about sending it and i don’t like that at all but also my heart is literally pounding in my chest what if he hates me and doesn’t want to be friends anymore…………………
#I DONT LIKE BREACHING THE COWORKER VS FRIEND BOUNDARY BECAUSE MY BOUNDARIES ARE SO THIN BUT I AM ALWAYS TERRIFIED OF PUSHING SOMEONE ELSE#TOO FAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT ALSO THIS GUY AND I SPENT SO LONG BITCHING TOGETHER SATURDAY NIGHT AT A PARTY AND HE SMOKED MANY OF MY CIGARETTES#SO HOW MUCH CAN HE REALLY HATE ME#I AM SO FULL OF ADRENALINE RIGHT NOW THIS IS SO SCARY IVE GOT MY PHONE ON DO NOT DISTURB BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO KNOW WHEN HE REPLIES#HORRIFYING. TERRIFYING. I WISH I HAD SENT A MESSAGE TO HIM BACK IN FUCKING JULY THE FIRST TIME I WANTED TO SEND A MESSAGE TO HIM.#HORRIBLE HORRIBLE STUFF AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#IF I FUCK THIS UP THEN I DO ACTUALLY FUCK THINGS UP QUITE SEVERELY BC HE IS ONE OF THE PEOPLE I MOST ENJOY HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH JUST#IN GENERAL. BUT ALSO. I KNOW HE LIKES HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH ME AS WELL SO IT SHOULDNT FUCK IT UP TOO MUCH#BUT WHAT IF IT DOESSSSSSSSDD#AND THEN I HAVE TO SEE HIM. AT WORK. ON THURSDAY.#THIS COULD GO SO WRONG BUT IT ALSO MIGHT BE THE START OF A LOVELY ABILITY TO TEXT CASUALLY#WHICH IS WHAT IM AIMING FOR BUT JESUS CHRIST AM I SCARED RIGHT NOW#HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL SO SCARED
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#not sure how long I can go on feeling like this#like its fine im fine im not going to do anything permanent or harmful#but my tolerance for discomfort I am finding out is absolutely in the fuckingn ground#which makes a lot of sense considering the amount of coping mechanisms I’m using To numb on a regular basis#but holy fucking shit I can’t keep feeling like this#i need to start feeling like myself again#i don’t feel like myself#i feel no creativity#no spark#no interest#everything is difficult#even everyday tasks like putting on makeup feel like climbing a mountain#and I feel so ashamed for the struggles#and Caige keeps telling me to be gentle with myself#but I feel like I can’t be because if I’m gentle with myself than I’m scared I’ll never get out of this pit#i feel like I just need to power through it#was googling#‘how to get over burnout without taking a break’#and it’s like. ‘how to fill up your car with gas without putting any gas in the tank’#but I’m so fucking stubborn I feel incapable and unwilling to give myself time or space#which is dumb because it’s not like I’m making any progress with the way things are going now#im just exhausted#sleeping so much#don’t know how to get back to myself#rabbit rambles#no need to say anything I just needed to get this off my chest
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
very invisible but very mean audience
#i might mean nonexistent#but they kinda do#in my brain#i just???? gOD im so scared to draw#like why the fuck am i even doing this#im not even good at it for the time i spent doing it#which is more than a decade#and i know it’s shit and stupid thinking#but theres always always always an audience whenever i do smth#moreso when i draw#but literally whenever i do anything at all#and theyre all fucking mocking me#and laughing at me#and its just been like this ever since i was a kid#just…oh my god can it please fucking shut up#im not drawing for anyone at all but my#stupid ass fucking brain cannot be convinced#ahahahahaha fucK#lord why did u make me scared of nonexistent things#wHEN#when will i finally feel like ive achieved smth#as a fucking artist#holy shit it’s never ending
58 notes
·
View notes
Text
why should it just be steve who has all the torturous purgatory realm fun?
#dbd#myart#wip#quick clarification for those only familiar with the american version of ringu: sadako is 19.#anyway. I love that dbd lets me explore steve and nancy's characters outside the bullshit that the show is.#because the whole steve and nancy dynamic is Interesting. but the dustbags are plagued by cerebral hetrot so that story never GOES anywhere#it's just the “Waaaah love triangle OMG!!! will they? won't they?” crap. idk man. idc. why're these dumbasses breathing in Upside down air?#some people here have seen lucy before-- he is the ghostface pictured. and he's an OC. different person entirely from danny.#I won't explain his full lore here but-- he was a drag queen before the fog who started out by only killing those who he felt deserved it.#his entire persona satirises catholicism and he calls himself “the holy ghost” rather than ghostface. the entity made him an actual devil.#he's obsessed with steve because he LIVES his own role so he sees steve as his heroic opposite or some fucked up gay shit like that.#he's clutching kate's heart because if he were a real character in the game-- he'd have two moris.#one standard... and one for if a steve is present in the lobby. the second would involve him carving out the heart of a survivor as a gift.#he never harms steve though-- so it makes steve's penchant for self-sacrifice pointless.#steve instead has to do what he can to open the gates as fast as possible-- or watch everyone else die! :)#as for the toxic yuri-- it occurred to me that sadako's backstory bears some striking similarities to barb's story.#as soon as I realised this-- it was like I had suddenly gained the ability to see a new colour I could not see before.#sadako wanting to torment nancy as sick revenge for what happened to her but using barb's death as justification for this...#...nancy being unable to escape the ghost of barb... even in this hell dimension full of terrifying monsters--#it is still the memory of the girl she feels she “let” die in steve's pool that scares and hurts her the most.#not to mention that sadako's powers are reminiscent of how the upside down related fuckery appears...#the screwy technology. the telekinesis.#I just REALLY love seeing characters be forced to confront difficult parts of themselves even if that shit REALLY hurts.#dbd makes it so easy to do that to any given character. of course this goes both ways too-- it'd force lucy & sadako to change too.#which opens the door for torment on their end too because killers who disobey the entity are tortured into obeying.#a rock and a hard place on both ends. and that is Exactly how I like it. intense. complicated-- a puzzle to be solved.
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space
i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !
#i inserted [disabled person] because they used a fucking slur instead and i didn't want that in my post#like i feel like there should be room for disabled people like me whose lives literally entirely depend on accessing said >#> extremely limited benefits in conversations about whether voting in this election makes you complicit in genocide#which like! i do understand. i do. it's nauseating to think about what this shit ass country is doing. it's horrific. i do not blame anyone#> for not wanting to be a part of that. *and* i am also terrified for my own life because i remember the first time trump won it suddenly >#> became IMPOSSIBLE for ANYONE to get on benefits. EVER. and so many disabled ppl i know went to renew benefits theyd had for decades >#> just to be denied. one of whom was a below-the-neck paraplegic. he died because he lost those benefits!!! because trump won#i really do understand why people dont feel right voting for harris. or why they don't vote at all. i truly do. but holy shit i am so scare#and yes! i am aware that people in palestine and gaza are suffering so much worse. and i wish i could change that#but every single person in power in the US is pro-israel and eagerly drinking the anti-palestine kool-aid. no matter who wins >#> things will not change in that part of the world. and it is infuriating. when the revolution comes this will change. but it hasnt.#the revolution will not save me as a physically disabled person. it will not save any of us. we do not matter to leftists. i am sorry but >#> this is the one thing i have learned after being in leftist spaces for over 10 years. and posts like the one i mentioned prove it#so i am very sorry. i really am. for being physically disabled. but i cannot survive another 4 years relying on my parents for everything#if trump wins i will be killing myself. this is a promise. i cannot do that again#i know it makes me a bad person to be afraid that harris will lose. but people on the left already think i'm a bad person for being disable#i want the genocide to stop. i absolutely do. i also want to survive. i am terrified that the US leftists will sacrifice disabled people#like me so they can feel good about being put in a real life trolley situation#again. im sorry. im so fucking sorry. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was able to give more. i know that if i was just a good#person i would be able to have a job and give to every palestinian gofundme on my dash. i would be able to do more than my daily clicks >#> and reaching out and calling representatives that don't care. if i was a good person i would be able to convince my parents that z*onism>#is deeply fucking racist. and that israel is wildly racist and killing palestinians for fun. if i was a good person i would be able to make#>them leftists too. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry im not good enough. im sorry that im scared. im so scared and it's not right for me to be#when so much worse is going on because of this countrys bloodlust. im sorry that im benefiting from being born here i dont want to be#im sorry for not having any other options. if i was a good person i know i would have them. im sorry. god im sorry im so fucking sorry
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dread be dreading
#ughg#i usually have awful thoughts randomly popping up here or there#make me pretty anxious for a few days then i won't think about them for a while#but man i can't handle doubts suddenly resurfacing#like this monday i was listening to my last lecture and everything bad i cooked up a in the past few months hit me like a truck#couldn't even focus i was too busy internally chanting shit fuck i don't want this i made a huge mistake shit shit#i won't be able to handle all this responsibility i'm so tired this will butcher my mental health should have chosen media studies fuuuck#what was i thinking what am i gonna do help#then proceeded to distract myself with an electric outlet otherwise i might have started crying#:/#and those thoughts aren't wrong unfortunately#i love this university and the classes and the things i study#the teachers and my classmates and the kids i got to take care of#but i don't think i could do this for real#i'm not even struggling with anything i'm just scared and tired as hell#and thought i could just. power through it- like if i'm stubborn enough it won't matter that it's draining#but damn#and hell originally i came here because i wanted to teach english to kids#i guess my expectations were too high i don't feel like i've learned anything that useful this far#and turns out it won't get better#we just gonna do presentations again#to be fair i loved researching nursery rhymes but i hoped we would have... more. of that#also about media studies. chief... i crave to be there#could have picked the english specialization there too- i'm a moron. a bozo. holy shit#well. gonna go through this semester either way. because again everything i study here (almost everything) is genuinely great and useful#and perhaps i'm just in a Pit right now#the dread pit#should probably break this to my sister. somehow#random squeak
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just some more Still Wakes the Deep blah blah, but omg having just been diagnosed Diabetes type 1 myself recently, it makes me only love and feel for Roy 10X more...
This shit is litteraly poison, but so does the food we eat with how much sugar there is in ugh OTL
Never thought in a million year I had DT1, I had 0 symptoms and am in pretty good shape, but then suddenly, organs are starting to hurt really badly out of nowhere...
Don't wait too long poeple and check with your doctors even if there's ''nothing'' T0T and to all Diabetic ppl out there, keep on fighting 💪✨
#random#delete later#first 2 weeks of diagnosis i didn't realized what it meant to live with this#but the 3rd week it really sinked it and i couldn't stop crying everyday#i felt even more like a failure and it made me even more angry that my biological parents left me with that#being adopted i have no medical history and i was already living a quite healthy life style#ofc it could have been even better but now i have to do many extra steps#everything's back to normal now but holy shit that hit me like a truck#plus it was urgent since it had been MONTHS it was left untreated and my family doctor just never told me or bothered to check my blood tes#so ughh idk it sucks with life being already hard as it is#high blood pressure now this... tho theyre probably related#i prepared my bucket list sooo i guess LET'S GO?! jk jk#i'm scared to have a heart attack or stroke in the middle of nowhere where no one i love is around... and that'll be it#but i mean if it happens it happens i guess XD#i'm hopefull now but holy shit... fucking pancreas who just decides to stop working#when you read more about DT1 it just feels like a bad employee who suddenly doesn't want to work anymore#and the good boss cant do anything about it#oh well#as long as i can still create art i'll be fine and happy#diabetic? more like diabethicc
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
#UAUHGG im havung oc thoughts. plaguing myBRAIN. i can feel my heartrate spiking holy shit#ok so. i rly wanna touch up presto and shuffles story without scaring myself out of it by overthinking it. esp the implications of#them having animal features and what they would eat. as well as worldbuilding character dynamics setting background characters ugghh.#constantly have to tell myself its just for fun. basically theyre rival magicians who keep their identities secret and fuck it up in#the funniest way possible LMAO. they rent the same apartment and the landlady accidentally gives it to both of them without them knowing#so they end up walking in on each other out of costume and have this weird tension around not revealing each others identities despite thei#borderline malicious rivalry. blackmail may or may not be involved i havent decided yet#they DO consider backing out of tenancy but they decide not to so they can make sure they dont reveal each others identities#thats the idea but its really abstract bc i dont have a direction or writing in mind. they just rattle in my head like spare change#other stuff i have rn is. they both consider each other a copycat and they have the same skill level of magic#but they have different styles and techniques theyre just too focused on outperforming each other to notice#presto likes to make people laugh so they probably include gags and impossible feats. shuffle is more elegant and focuses on#smooth movements and dangerous stunts. i want to make that reflect in their costumes but its hard bc stage magician costumes tend to stick#to suits and capes.. so idk. then maybe side characters like the landlady and other tenants but i havent given em much thought orz#i really should practice with concepts because i have a bad habit of making everything similar to the first try so its frustrating#and i suck at writing characters. but im doing this for fun so im trying not to get hung up on whether its generic or not#yapping#stares at the floor. maybe i should make a carrd for my ocs#oc talk#presto#shuffle
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
"surely this will remedy itself on its own," i say, ignoring a problem of my own doing
#🥞posting.txt#neonwaste-vent#im gonna be honest guys. i fucked up and im too scared to face it like a proper person#i feel awful about it but every time i think about it i feel my heart drop and an impending sense of doom#its like. “oh god i fucked up BAD” and it makes me wanna run#and i'm absolutely trying to avoid coming back to here and the headmate i mentioned previously is sort of helping me avoid it#actually it's more like she's desperately trying to find ways to cheer me up (and il her for that)#but in doing so she's keeping [our] focus on things like anime and magical girls and stuff#+ she has a separate blog so that.... also helps me avoid it#anyways! hi my name is jude and i handle my problems by running away from them#instead of tackling them in private like i SHOULD :(#i wanna try and slip away by acting normal but i literally cannot because this is eating away at me so bad i cant even pretend-#-that everythings okey dokey flowers in the fields#if i tried to act like nothing ever happened not only would it be insulting as fuck it would just feel stiff and awkward and lifeless#like going ���hows the weather today” while the house burns down#....holy shit i rambled. um fuck.#i KNOW i need to deal with this.. i just. CANT.#but i should do it regardless even if i have to force myself because unlike my other problems this is something i canNOT let fester#especially considering that helloooo this is another human being this is about#fuck. im gonna force myself to do this.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm more anxiety rambling out of anything else. I have to explain myself because I have to explain myself because I have to. i can't even think in my own head anyways.
I was so scared of being 'problematic' when i was a teen and I was anyways. the whole time. and i understand that fucking paralyzing fear of doing something 'wrong' or 'bad'. I do. I still get it over random nonsense. but I'm not uhh... A pillar of virtue or anything. never was. there's better things to care about rn and I'm writing posts. Because I want to understand and be understood, genuinely.
I don't make posts talking about problems because I want to be mean. Even if I. Am. that's a skill issue on my part, I am constantly taking the L with that, it's not just here. I just. Actually care. I don't care if someone was wrong before. I just want people to know 'hey that's bad actually' because honest to god there are people in fandom who just don't know. It's the people who do know and choose to keep holding it up that I have a real issue with.
My hypothetical "third guy" is always an unreasonable actor who the argument would not work for anyways that r getting me in a twist. yknow. I want people to choose to do better and the hypothetical guy chooses not to, so I sound. Like that. and I like being mean to the hypothetical guy, because they're not a reasonable actor nor a real force to be fought, yknow, but, um, I'm saying this and uh. wow. that is my problem, isn't it. I'm fighting a third guy and he's not real so other people get hit. huh.
anyway. the point was supposed to be like. everybody sucks at it until they don't, and talking to each other about things is how we learn how to be better together, and I would know because I could have been a lot worse and I. choose. to try and be better. and I understand being there. not knowing how to be better or being angry about being in the wrong. and I guess I just want everyone to know that I'm not just a screaming ball of rage or whatever. I'm scared of 'fucking up' too. I want to help. I'm just. bad at not being an asshole, i guess. I made the mistakes. I think it's kind of me I'm screaming at to be better, but subjecting other people to that at the drop of a dime isn't. fair. what the fuck am i doing. anyone who got freaked out by me tn for the third time it truly isnt about any one person 1) clearly i have something i'm dealing with here oh my god and 2) i have been here for 8 years. i'm screaming at a ghost. this person is not real but they are because theyre me and my mashed potato memories of twenty other things.
but that's not fair. it's my problem. the third guy is quite literally in my head. he's me. putting that on you isn't fair. that's fucked up of me. I am also in the wrong here. My points stand but the methodology is all fucked. Not wanting to talk to me after seeing me do that over and over even if it wasn't my intention to single anyone out is more than just fair. not just today, you can go in my archive and see more examples of me flaring up like this. I'm keeping it all there and I'm not leaving or whatever. I just. because i really mean it when i say i don't like or intend being mean to real people. i just... can't share that desire for myself, and it hurt others, and for some reason it just now clicked, I think. and. I'm learning. and. I'm sorry. for that. And i guess i'll do something about the guy now that i seem to be aware it's happening. and uh. yeah.
#nobody said anything to me i'm just. thinking.#in no universe will i pretend i know everything#i'm only as i am now bc i listened when ppl said i was doing some fuckshit sometimes#i didnt like it. it made me mad and uncomfortable and scared.#but um. being uncomfortable. with yourself.#is why right now im able to walk myself to the conclusion of why i'm such an asshole. god.#it really was that obvious. holy fuck.#all the 'you don't need to do xyz's in the world VS you're fighting a third guy#i know how to stop fighting a third guy when I know I'm fighting a third guy. I can do that.#god. i feel stupid. of course the cop is [REDACTED]. of course the third guy is the cop.#if you ever need a reminder ive done all this work but i'm still so painfully about as socially skilled as a 9 year old#sorting your problems out really is like 'do i just say sorry to everyone whos ever heard me speak' sometimes#fuck man.#you made up a guy is literally already a metaphor. god.#i wish you could throw up but like for your emotions#that might just be crying but i have no tears disease so it doesnt fucking work if it is#i. like being mean to the third guy bc thats no harm to real. vent frustration with self. but if it is then i hurt real and thats sucks.#not intention. but happen anyway. i take responsible.#i go and think a while. bluhh.
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
y'all know how the j.oongi i ship with is a body double of the j.oongi from y.akuza 6 who happened to keep his name and all that?
all I'm saying is... if he was a body double worth his salt...
he would reenact this scene live. just saying. you know. to prove it. no other reason. haha.
#ash rambles 💚#like a flowing wind 🔳#every now and then i remember that the original j.oongi was like THAT and my j.oongi has this one line about how he'd occasionally have to#entertain clients at the club in his place.... 😳#all I'm saying is#he said that he was pretty good at acting like him#so maybe i should get a little show- (IS SMACKED SO HARD SHE GOES FLYING OFF INTO THE DISTANCE)#sorry for being thirsty on main (i am not sorry nor is this main)#but the original j.oongi h.an is one of those characters that I absolutely cannot stay calm about because holy shit#no wonder i fell for his body double-#this whole section of the game....... probably the part of 6 i enjoyed the most 😋#ohhh j.oongi h.an first boss fight in the ring in the middle of the club... this series really is so peak huh#anyways#i made cupcakes today#theyre lemon flavored#and i added a dash of lavender syrup in the buttercream (which also had lemon zest and lemon juice)#theyre fucking fireeee#i dont mention it much here but i really like to bake!!! it's what takes up most of my time when I'm not gaming or napping#so all my f/os get tasty treats from their gf! i accept payment in kisses#that took a surprisingly wholesome turn for a post that was originally gonna be about my many many feelings about the original jgh#the girls squealing in the back.. yeah no guys i get it#maybe I'll stay up tonight and play y.akuza. next week i havw midterms!!! I'm so scared!!!! I'm cooked!!!!#i get so anxious thinking about it.. but I'll worry about that in the morning! time to continue y.akuza 7 once i finish eating my cupcake!#I'm on chapter uh... 11?#got to the part where i.chiban just found what ACTUALLY happened the night of the killing in the prologue#then I'll play G.aiden! which I'm stoked for because i have a crush from that game!! .. ofc it's the old man 😋 h.anawa is so hot actually#and then I'll play 8! which I'm also stoked for since there's a certain girl in that game who i think is just. ajdhwjrhejhwjehwhruw.#and then I'll be caught up with y.akuza! WAIT. THE NEW GAME IS COMING OUT IN TWO WEEKS-#i wanna play it at release so i dont get spoiled online but. like. come on. who the fuck buys a game at full price on release day#i cannot justify 70+ bucks on like. what. m.ajima?? no offense but like..
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Once again proving to myself why you should never tell a kid to turn to violence to solve their problems
#bays nonsense#im pissed off#and im scared#and embarrassed#and all i want to fucking do is punch something and break something#which is incredibly counter productive and goes against what i try to be for#but holy hell#if i wasn’t bullied by my dad as a child and told to get thicker fucking skin#then fine motherfucker#heres my thick fucking skin#rant#oooooo boy this feels so much better#wooo#drowning anger in ranting online#not the chosen source of decompression by therapists#but holy hell it fucking works man#im gonna go take an edible now
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
she's just like a cat clutching desperately at the nearest surface with all its power after being picked up
#so sillay......... i like her dynamic with fu hua a lot it's fun. also i just like fu hua#i didn't Play anymore i was reading the mangas. read up to the second eruption... which like. holy shit#Holy Shit? i have too amny thoughts to be contained. too many feelings#sirin :( she was just a scared lonely baby... she was hurting so much#who cares if she almost completely destroyed the planet . my heart aches for her#and in the false reality bit. the fact that cecilia knew it was fake but she chose to love sirin as much as kiana anyway .#siegfried not knowing who she was tells me that the reality hadn't actually written sirin in as their second daughter#cecilia made that happen . it formed around her words#AND. AND LATER. CHOOSING TO HOLD HER IN THE FINAL MOMENTS BEFORE THE NUKE DROPPED#WANTING TO MAKE SURE THIS SCARED LITTLE GIRL LEFT THE WORLD FEELING LOVED AND SAFE#AUGHBAHAHSIDJ3(4*@?%(“#ich liebe dich.. a spell to make all my wishes come true :( :(((((((((#super excited to continue poking at this story it's been so fucking good so far. breaking my heart
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
the anxiety is finally setting in and i feel horrible. im so fucking scared of what's gonna happen over the next four years
#ive been numb to a lot of this and ive just been thinking logistics with no emotion#mostly for my mom's sake because she needs someone to be calm and collected right now#but holy fucking shit im genuinely terrified. oh my god. we're fucked. we're so fucked.#i haven't cried like this in so long and i don't know how to handle it#i feel like im gonna vomit#i know we shouldn't give in to doomerism but im so fucking scared and everything i see just makes me more scared#i haven't felt actively suicidal in many years and i don't feel that way now but things look so fucking bleak that it's hard to imagine -#- digging our way out at this point#someone please lie to me. tell me it's gonna be fine even though we all know it won't be
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
tried to put myself in the headspace of a transphobe and got pissed off cus it's so fucking stupid
#genuinely i have no fucking idea how people get so up their own ass about other peoples business#you dont like it? it makes you uncomfortable? tough shit buddy thats life#i see dogshit on the sidewalk and it makes me feel gross. but im not going to make hating dogshit my entire personality#im not gonna fucking ban dogs because i dont want to look at dogshit#im not gonna follow people home when they dont clean up after their dogs#ill get pissed about it in the moment sure. i wish people would clean up after their dogs. but its not going to consume the rest of my day#being uncomfortable and not liking things is a part of the human experience baby!!!!#trying to get rid of every little thing that makes you uncomfortable defeats the point of being alive!!!#you just wanna stay in your little bubble?? scared of anyone who doesnt fit your narrow view of what a person should be??#that sounds so fucking sad#nothing new nothing exciting#just straight cis white folks living their straight cis white lives#AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HOW FUCKING STUPID RACISM IS HOLY SHIT#there is an entire world of different people with different cultures and experiences and art and foods and you dont want any part of it???#because somebody spoke in spanish and you didnt understand them#the world does not revolve around you#people should not have to sacrifice their identity for your comfort#literally just mind your own business. someones elses gender is not your business.#terfs eat shit and die
7 notes
·
View notes