#HEY DO YOURSELVES A SELF CARE! LISTEN TO SOME THINGS THAT ARE NICE! I LOVE YOU

[luckygurllex]

Hi, if your like me, you try to be nice to everyone and anyone, your energetic and a people pleaser, and try to act the way others want you to. It sucks. You try your best but it’s never enough, no matter what it is that you do it’s not enough, even when you go out of your way to stay quiet and not be “annoying” it’s not enough.

they’ll tell you your “whitewashed” because of how you pronounce specific words, and say the music you listen to is not good music and they’ll say the most condescending and rudest stuff to you and about you, but hey don’t be upset “I’m just trying to make it better for everyone else” or they will talk crap about you when your right there, they’ll make your achievements seem like nothing, they’ll make you feel guilty, and sometimes you’ll wonder “why am I here?” And “why do I try” after that you’ll try your best to stay away from those people but they always find a way to be around you, then you’ll believe that no one likes you, not your friends or family, no one.

It’ll feel like your empty, but when everyone is around you put a smile on your face and “act like yourself” but your not yourself anymore, you feel tired and lonely and you want to give up, but you can’t… you won’t… you remember what you promised your parents, “don’t worry, I’ll buy you that house” you remember what you promised your younger siblings “when your older I’ll take you to the movies” you remember what you promised and it reminds you, You can’t leave yet, those people who do care need you, you can’t. You have to remember what you promised your younger self “when I’m older I’m gonna do anything!” You still want to do it deep down, I still want to visit all the museums in America, I still want to get my mom a good modern house and a nice car, I still want to take my younger cousins to the stores and movies, I still want to Live…

Yes I’m tired, yea some days I feel empty and like a burden, but I can’t give up yet, I still have things to finish and do here.

I want you to stay and I need you to stay

So please Stay a little longer

————————————————————————

Message me if you need to vent, I love you all, take care of yourselves. 💜

[theradioghost]

some recs for my podcast mutuals who are burnt out on horror & sad plot stuff

aka I’ve been seeing a few flavors of people exhausted by several of the most popular podcasts around here being pretty dark right now & I have attempted to put together a tasting menu of some stuff I think might help alleviate that burnout (& which also deserves some more love)

1. I'm okay with stuff that’s still on the dark or macabre side, I'd just like something that isn’t 100% characters I care about suffering horribly all the time, maybe some laughs in there

The Beef and Dairy Network: Like a seriously disturbing body horror podcast, except British satirical comedy! About cows! You kind of have to listen to it to get what’s going on tbqh it’s nearly impossible to explain but if you like horror and are just tired of being depressed about it maybe try this one. NOT for the easily nauseated.

Wooden Overcoats: black comedy sitcom about two rival funeral homes on a small island, one run by The Most Perfect Man On Earth (tm) and the other run by two misanthropic twins with a knack for disaster (and their hypercompetent assistant (and a mouse who wants to be an author)). this one is about watching the protagonist suffer horribly all the time but like, this time it’s usually a lot funnier and honestly he deserves it

Death by Dying: (so far very short) dark comedy about the resident obituary writer of idyllic Crestfall, Idaho, who sets out to tell the stories of how the town’s residents died and ends up uncovering a lot of other things, like conspiracies, and man-eating cats, and a poet’s vanishing childhood home, and what his friend the Angel of Death isn’t telling him about what’s in the dark woods. has very strong ASOUE or Pushing Daisies vibes, that sort of dark whimsy and really distinct narrative voice

Arden: “true crime” comedy-ish mystery podcast feat. two of the best bickering hosts anywhere and a whole third host called homoerotic tension, trying to solve a decade-old Hollywood mystery. secretly a shakespeare adaptation. one of the hosts is michelle agresti. an airline run by killer robots is involved, somehow. it’s a perfect storm

2. I’m good with some plot and higher stakes, but I need something more kind and hopeful right now:

Middle:Below: 10-minute episodes about a man who travels between the worlds of the living and the dead to solve the problems of restless ghosts, and the three friends he does it with -- a ghost, a cat, and a writer. their tagline is “remember: bad things will happen.” this is basically a lie, this show is extremely sweet

Alba Salix: high fantasy medical workplace comedy about hospital staff in a fairytale-ish kingdom, namely one grouchy witch, one distracted fairy, and one extremely disgruntled teenager sentenced to community service. also comes with the miniseries The Axe And Crown, which is about a gay troll bartender, his clueless landlord, and his bombastic niece, and also is one of the most heartfelt touching pieces of audio fiction I’ve ever heard?

Dark Ages: also a high fantasy workplace comedy, but in this one the dysfunctional cast work at a magical natural history museum, which thanks to recent events is now hosting the mythical Dark Lord on top of all the usual problems caused by their complete incompetency.

Solutions to Problems: a sci-fi relationship advice show feat. human host Janet and alien host Loaf. also feat. banter, illegal time travel, what to do when the AI that controls the air you breathe is your on-again-off-again girlfriend, and how to avoid your many spouses when they insist you need to come back to the homeworld and spend some time with your spawn.

Victoriocity: steampunk buddy-comedy mystery show, in which misanthropic detective Archibald Fleet (aka Tom Crowley but he’s grouchy this time) and intrepid newbie journalist Clara Entwhistle (aka an absolute ray of sunshine) uncover some Secret Plots within the government of a very different victorian london. if you like the “opposing personalities come to care deeply about one another as friends” trope this one is for you

Inn Between: not an actual play, but a show about the developing relationships of a party of RPG-esque adventurers as they rest at the inn between campaigns. you don’t see the adventures, just the crew growing closer and learning about one another in their moments of peace.

The Strange Case of Starship Iris: sci-fi adventure about a stranded biologist and a ragtag crew of smugglers who set out to resist an authoritarian government, solve a mystery, and prevent a second human-alien war. as far as I can tell their plan for accomplishing this is to be as funny, gay, and adorable as possible, and to dismantle oppressive systems via the power of found family tropes. also via the power of linguistics.

3. just give me the fluffiest, funniest, sweetest, most relaxed, lowest-stakes thing you have:

Everything is Alive: meditative, deeply touching show where Guy From Public Radio holds interviews with inanimate objects. the interviews are super genuine and beautiful and I think they’re improvised, or at least they sound very natural? for people who want to be profoundly moved by a can of generic brand cola (you may not know but you are one of those people)

Standard Docking Procedure: a self-described “hopepunk” scifi sitcom about a group of employees on a space station, dealing with the little daily misadventures of difficult tourists, traffic control disasters, nonexistent love lives, and each other. Has an explicitly stated purpose of staying happy, lighthearted, and comforting.

Love and Luck: tied for absolute most heartwarming audio drama in existence. the story of the relationship between two Australian men, told through voicemail messages, as they fall in love, start a cafe, build a supportive and loving local queer community of close-knit friends and chosen family who help one another through thick and thin, and also find out that they can do magic apparently (IMPORTANT NOTE: there are some darker events and themes tackled in the plot starting around the latter half of the first season, but the focus of the story itself is always on how people support and help one another through trauma and difficulty, and the explicitly stated core premise of the show is that every character will have a happy ending and be okay.)

Quid Pro Euro: Look Around You-esque satire of old 80s and 90s instructional tapes where Felix Trench tells you what the European Union will look like in the far-off year of 2000. I don’t know anything about the European Union but I cackle like a witch when I listen to this

The Cryptonaturalist: I know you’ve seen his tweets. well it’s that but a podcast. just a man with an extremely nice voice talking about fantastical creatures like salamanders that swim through parking lot asphalt or foxes that roam the shelves of libraries at night. in between he reads poetry and generally talks about nature in the most beautiful way you could imagine. this show feels like a peaceful walk in the woods.

The Hidden Almanac: a podcast made 90% out of gentle fantasy worldbuilding, as a somewhat grumpy man in a plague doctor mask tells you about the history of his world and distributes gardening advice. has an immense archive of four-minute long episodes. it’s best to listen in order, because there is continuity, and be aware that about the first year or so has dropped off most feeds. written and performed by much-loved fantasy writer and artist Ursula Vernon and her husband Kevin.

Startripper!!: the other forerunner for most heartwarming audio drama in existence. seriously, you cannot imagine how much joy Startripper!! will bring into your life. it’s just the travelogue of one little alien with a heart full of enthusiasm and love setting out to see the universe and making friends along the way with just about everyone he meets, including his extremely loveable spaceship AI. I really mean it. listen to this show if you listen to nothing else.

Cabin Pressure: BBC radio workplace comedy about the dysfunctional crew of the world’s smallest airline. not only utterly hilarious but will tug on your heartstrings more than you could possibly imagine (this does not look at first like a found family story but it so very much is). warning for bendytoots cucumberpatch but like, in the one and only valid role he’s ever played. you definitely cannot find this show by searching its name on the Internet Archive.

[navalcriminalimagines]

Better than me

This is my very first Joel Miller x Reader work. And I completely got carried away. I may do a series, if you guys like it? Joel deserves all the love in the world 🥺Please, let me know what you think!

Summary: You live across the street from Joel. Every night, you watch him play the guitar on his porch and one night, you find the courage to go out and talk to him.

Songs: Future days ; Better than me

Warnings: Smut, oral, p in v, creampie, unprotected sex, a bit of roughness

Words count: 5k

Jackson, Wyoming

Just like every night, your neighbor Joel Miller was sitting on his porch, playing his guitar. Just like every night, you stood by your window, listening to whatever he’s playing, tonight he settled on ‘Future days’. You remembered this song from a long time ago. And just like every night, you hoped you’d find the courage to go out and talk to him.

But you never really talked to him. You crossed paths every now and then, barely exchanging two sentences. It’s way much easier to talk with Ellie, the teenager living with him. One day, you were actually talking with Ellie inside the house and when he got home, you found a stupid excuse and disappeared pretty quickly.

You haven’t been able to find the courage to talk to him. Until that night. It was 2am, and you could still hear him play. He was trying to be silent, even though that’s not really possible. You quickly checked yourself in the shitty small mirror of your bathroom and got out of your house. Joel noticed you only when you were standing right in front of him.

“Hey, Y/N. I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” he gently asked.

“Nah, don’t worry. Couldn’t sleep,” you waved off. “Thought I’d enjoy the music from closer,” you were thankfully it was dark outside, so he couldn’t see you profusely blushing.

“Take a seat,” he offered, showing off the chair next to him. “I’m not sure we’ve ever been properly introduced?” he said, after you settled next to him.

“Yeah, me neither,” you smiled. “Y/N Y/L/N, I’m from Nevada, I’ve been in Jackson for a few months and well-- what else can we say?”

He chuckled. “Fair. Joel Miller,” he said, extending his hand to you over his guitar and you shook it. “I’m from Texas. And I play the guitar,”

“Noticed. You actually have been my personal radio for the past months,”

“As long as you enjoy it. Do you play?”

“Unfortunately not. I used to play violin though,” you confessed. “Long time ago,”

“I wish I could find one, just to hear you play,”

That night, most of the conversation turned around music and instruments. You were a teenager when the virus appeared, and you were a music junkie. You didn’t know why but you confessed to Joel that your dream was to be a rockstar and tour all around the world with a band. He told you about his favorite artists back then, and how he started to play the guitar. He confessed about writing songs when the inspiration hits. Which hasn’t for a while.

The next day, you happily joined him again. This time, you talked less about music and more about yourselves. Joel told you about Ellie, how he met her and how that teenager made her way to his heart. For a moment, he considered telling you about Sarah, but what would be the point? You don’t know each other enough, and he didn’t want to look like the man stuck twenty years prior. Even if you all are, somehow. You told him about your family, that you lost a while ago and how you ended up here in Jackson.

For weeks, meeting Joel on his porch became a thing. You were there almost every night, even when there were some sorts of events in town. You enjoyed his company way more than you should and so did he. But neither of you would say so. Some nights, he didn’t even pick up his guitar, it was just you and him, right there, talking. Falling.

One night, Joel’s heart rushed into his chest as he saw you walking with a limp, up to your house. He put his guitar down and jogged to you, right before you slammed your front door. “Y/N, are you okay?” he asked, clearly worried.

“Huh, yeah, yeah. My knee didn’t appreciate today’s patrol,” you told him, motioning him to join inside your house.

“Were you attacked or something?” he asked, watching you collapsing on your couch.

“No, no, nothing like that. I’m just a klutz,” you tiredly giggled. Joel wanted to laugh too but he was still very worried. He grabbed a pillow and gently lifted your leg to put it under.

“I’ll be right back in ten minutes, okay?”

You didn’t have time to overthink. Joel left your house in a rush and true to his words, he came back ten minutes later with something in his hand. You hadn’t moved a bit, and you watched him approaching. What he had in his hands was ice. “Do you mind if I bounce back your pants?” he asked and you nodded.

Ever so gently, Joel freed your injured knee and put the ice on it. You hissed at the cold and thanked him anyway. “I’m gonna let you rest,”

You didn’t want him to leave. Not just yet. “You know, the pain will probably keep me awake for a while. I wouldn’t mind a private concert by my favorite guitarist,”

Joel chuckled at that, trying to avoid how it made his heart melt. “Fine. I’ll be right back,”

That night, Joel played ‘Future days’ over and over after you asked him to. He kept playing and singing until you fell asleep next to him.

It took a few weeks for your knee to heal, during which Joel had been nothing but an angel. He was over your house every day, checking on your knee to make sure it was properly healing. He made sure you have enough ice and he brought your meals to prevent you from going to the self. Even while being on a patrol, he found a way to have your meals being brought to you.

“Must be nice to be Joel Miller’s favorite,” Jesse joked as you opened the door. He was holding your dinner in one hand and some ice in the other. “God I wish someone would home delivered for me,”

You let your friend in, and settled back on your couch with your leg up. “I can injure your knee for you,” you offered with a grin.

“Wouldn’t work. I’m not cute enough to get Joel’s attention,”

“Shut up!”

Jesse sat next to you. “His guitar’s here. Is he living here? Oh my god, are you guys dating?”

“No! We’re just friends,” you explained. “We just share the same love of music. So, yes, he does come here and plays,”

“Wow, you really think I’m gonna buy this?” Jesse raised an eyebrow at you.

“Jesse, I swear. Nothing is happening between me and Joel,”

“But you wished,”

“Just leave already.” you retorted.

“Y/N, be careful, okay? The man is broken,”

“Yeah, so?”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt,”

“Right. Cause you surely stopped loving Dina when you found that she was a lesbian!”

“I’m just saying, Y/N.”

“Thanks for the home delivery,” you don’t want a cold to stand between you and Jesse, “If I had money, I’d tip you,” you smiled at him.

“You know, you could pay me in nature,”

While that sentence made you laugh, Joel didn’t have the same reaction. He was standing right behind Jesse, his arms crossed over his chest. Your friend didn’t see him at first, still waiting for you to say something, “Hi, Joel,” you said, embarrassed.

Jesse didn’t turn around immediately. He knew Joel would kill him if he could. “I’m just gonna go and avoid your eyes, Joel,” he said, leaving the house in a rush, his face buried deep in his shoulders.

“Good call,” Joel muttered.

“It was just a joke,” you said as soon as you heard the door closing.

“I wouldn’t be sure about that, Y/N. He was just waiting for you to say yes,” Joel was still standing with his arms crossed.

“So, what if I agreed?” you teased him, hoping it would make things move forward a little. But it didn’t.

“Do you want me to call him back? He isn’t far, yet,”

“Just come here and give me my hug, would you?”

Joel’s anger - and obvious jealousy - evaporated as soon as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He isn’t much of a hugger, but you are and you managed to make him addicted to your hugs. He loves being intoxicated by your scent, he loves how you hold him tight, he loves how your fingers always find their way to the small hair in the back of his head. And you love how he buries his head in your back, how his strong arms wrap you so perfectly, how his hands sometimes grab your clothes in a fist.

A few weeks later

Your knee was completely healed and you were back on patrols. Things were moving in Jackson and you and Joel spent less late nights together. You were missing him and he was missing you.

One night, a ball was being held. Everyone here needed that every now and then to cheer up and have some good time. Jesse, Dina and Ellie convinced you to come. You did and as predicted, you spent the entire night waiting for Joel to appear, but he never did.

You were walking back to your house around 3 in the morning. As you approached your street, you could hear the music. Instead of going home, you stopped in front of Joel’s porch. “You said you’d come,” you told him.

“I know, I shouldn’t have. Those aren’t my thing,” he apologized. “Are you mad?”

“No,” you said, lying just a little and sitting next to him. “Just disappointed. It was really nice,”

“No doubt. I’m sorry,”

“I’ll accept your apology with you show me how to play,”

Joel chuckled and handed you his guitar. Then, he moved his chair closer to yours. His chest was literally against your back, his face a few inches from yours. You tried to focus on the instrument, but he made it really hard as his hand covered yours in order to show you where to put your fingers. He started with the easiest chord, E.

As you played violin, it wasn’t completely new to you. But you’d have played dumb if needed, as long as he stayed right where he was. When E sounded good, Joel turned his face to the side to look at you. You were already staring. His lips were so close to yours, you could feel his hot breath on your skin. His eyes went from your eyes to your lips, from your lips to your eyes.

It was now or never. You took your shot and crashed your lips on his. Thankfully, he eagerly responded to your kiss. One of his hands moved to your neck, his beard was gently tickling your skin and he parted his lips, letting his tongue out. You happily welcomed his tongue into your mouth and moaned. The kiss was passionate and intense, Joel couldn’t get you close enough to his liking.

But eventually, he broke it off. You whined, and when you opened your eyes again, you couldn’t see it caused him physical pain to break the kiss. “Don’t you want—“ you start to say.

“I do,” he cut you off. “God, how I do,” his nose was brushing against yours, his hand still in your neck.

“Then why aren’t lips on mine anymore?” You gently nipped his bottom lip and that made him chuckle.

“Are you sure, Y/N?” He had to ask.

“Fuck, Joel. I’ve been simping over you for ages,”

“Simping?”

“Right, sorry I forgot how old you are,” you rolled your eyes.

“I’m gonna show you how old I am, babygirl,” he groaned.

In a flash, Joel grabbed his guitar and your wrist. You’re actually not sure which one he was holding the softest. He put the guitar in the living room and took you to his bedroom. As soon as he kicked the door shut, he spinned you around, holding you against the door and his lips crashed on yours, roughly.

He didn’t kiss you long enough, though. He quickly drifted south, and assaulted your neck. You moaned in his hair, and you could feel the obvious bulge in his jeans against your thighs. His hands traveled under your top and you tried to palm his erection, but he immediately stopped you.

Joel grabbed your wrists into his hand and pinned them above your head. He just stared for a moment. Stared at your swollen lips, at the marks he already made in your neck and in your eyes. You were looking at him with both killing desire and love. It confused him for a brief second but he shut his brain and kissed you again.

You were desperate to touch him, undress him, feel him. But he was strongly holding your hands, all you could was grinding your center against his thigh. “So needy,” he whispered in your ear before nipping the lobe. You swallowed thickly and let out a loud moan.

“Yes, I need you Joel. Please,” you begged him. When was the last time someone beg for him?

“It’s been such a long time, I probably won’t last,” he breathed out, shamefully.

“We have a lifetime ahead of us, who cares,”

That sentence didn’t have the impact you were shooting for. In a second, you were completely free from Joel’s grip as he took a big step back. He was panting. “That’s not—“ he whispered, trying to put his thoughts into words.

“Aw baby, did you already come?” you teased him.

“That was a close call, but that’s not my point, Y/N,” you could see he was getting angry. But why? At who?

You took a step forward, your hands tenderly cupping his bearded cheeks. “Then what is your point?” you asked, genuinely concerned.

“This—is a bad idea,” Joel struggled. He leaned into your touch but frowned as he knew he couldn’t enjoy it too much. “You—you should leave,” he wrapped his hands around your wrists, forcing you to let go of his face.

“Not until you give me one good reason, Joel.” Now, you were getting angry. Hurt. Frustrated. All of that.

“You deserve better—“ he whispered. “Better than me,”

“That’s not a good—“

“That’s good enough for me. Please, Y/N.” He begged you, pain clearly written all over his face.

“You’re making a big mistake, you know that?” Joel heard your voice cracking and you had barely finished your sentence, that his thumb was softly brushing your lips.

“That’s my jam,” he sadly tried to joke.

You have no idea what happened in his mind in a brief period of time but for whatever reason, Joel wanted you to leave. He had changed his mind and you’re not the kind of person to force people. If he doesn’t want you like this, if he doesn’t want you around him, you’ll let him be.

You left his house. Leaving you both broken-hearted.

A year later

Avoiding someone in Jackson isn’t an easy task, but somehow, Joel managed to do it pretty well. He always disappeared when you showed up, no matter where it was. He managed to never stare at you from afar when you were definitely staring. The only moment you could’ve walked to him and asked for explanations was at night, as he kept playing the guitar and all of those songs you kept talking about. But he asked you to leave and never apologized. Why would you be the one to make the first move?

As Joel checked his next patrol, he noticed he’s set on a patrol with you the very next day. Completely pissed off, he bursted into Tommy’s office and slammed the door behind. He planted his fists on the desk and stared at his younger brother. “Why the hell am I teaming with Y/N for tomorrow’s patrol?” he barked.

“What’s wrong with her?” Tommy asked, genuinely curious as to why Joel was that mad.

“Nothing,” he said, raising his hands defensively. “I just don’t want to team up with her,”

“I’ll consider making some changes, if you give me a good reason,” Tommy stood up and got closer to Joel.

“I--I almost had sex with her,”

“Almost? Couldn’t get through with it, brother?” Tommy teased him.

Before answering, Joel threw himself on the worn out couch and Tommy sat on the armbar, waiting for explanations. “We were--at it. But I had to stop,” Joel admitted, growling at himself.

“Couldn’t get it up?”

“Tommy, fuck off,”

“I honestly don’t understand how in the world you couldn’t have sex with one of the most beautiful women in Jackson,”

“Cause-- she deserves better than this. Better than me,”

“Bullshit!” Tommy shouted.

“Listen, I’m an old grumpy and lonely guy--” Joel trailed off.

“Cut the crap, bro. I’ve always wondered what her deal was, since she’s turning down all the guys around, but now it makes sense. She clearly wants you,”

“She shouldn’t,”

“Don’t you think that’s on her to decide? So, please, get the hell out of my office, go on that patrol with her tomorrow and take things back where you left them,”

“You’re the worst brother ever,” Joel rolled his eyes.

“I know. I want my brother to get laid, how horrible of me,” Tommy sarcastically answered, before giving his brother a tap in his back.

The next day came way too fast for Joel.

He was late and people were pressing you to do the patrol. You took the two horses with you and walked up to his house. You knocked and let yourself in immediately, “Joel, you’re late,” you called out for him, “I know you don’t want to spend the day with me but we don’t have a choice,” you spoke loudly, not knowing where he was. As you walked to the kitchen, you saw Ellie packing her bag. “Oh, hey El!” you greeted her, hoping you weren’t blushing.

She smiled at you. “Joel’s in the bathroom. He should be down in a minute,” she told you before walking out. “He brought some coffee. Help yourself,”

“Oh, nice!”

Upstairs, Joel couldn’t decide what to wear. Why did it matter anyway? Why did he want to look...good for you? He didn’t have much clothes and all of them were used and dirty. But he settled for his green shirt, as he remembered you telling him it looked good on him. He checked his hair and beard one more time, he even checked his breath before cursing to himself. And he joined you downstairs.

You poured yourself a cup of coffee in Joel’s used mug and started to look around, waiting for him. You hadn’t been there in a year, you hadn’t even approached the porch. You missed this, you missed Joel.

A paper on the coffee table grabbed your attention. You took it in your hand and started to read what was on it, but you heard Joel’s footsteps coming down. You only had a glimpse of it

“The bed I'm lying in is getting colder

Wish I never would've said it's over

And I can't pretend

I won't think about you when I'm older

'Cause we never really had our closure

This can't be the end

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me”

You recognized Joel’s handwriting. This really sounded like a song, but no time to analyze it, as he took the paper from your hand and folded it in his back pocket. “Is that a song?” You asked.

“Really don’t want to talk about it. Let’s go,”

“Haven’t finished my coff—“ you didn’t have time to finish either your sentence or your coffee. Joel grabbed the mug from your hand and drank the rest of the brown liquor.

“There. Finished.”

“Wow, it’s gonna be a long day,” you mumbled in your teeth as you were walking out.

“What?” Joel asked from behind.

“It’s gonna be a wonderful day!” You sarcastically exclaimed.

It was indeed a long day. You and Joel barely talked, only exchanging about your ride of the day. You tried your best not to look much at him, but it was hard as he was looking this good with his green shirt. The worst was when he rolled up his sleeves, showing off his strong and veiny forearms.

On the other hand, Joel spent the entire day looking at you. Most of the time, you were riding the horse in front of him. He had a perfect view on your ass and he loved how it bounced. You were wearing an old tank top, letting him see your tattoo on your shoulder. He wanted to press his lips against your skin again. He missed you like hell.

“Are you mad at me, Y/N?” he asked, while the two of you had gone down from the horses. You turned around to face him.

“Mad?” you sounded angry but somehow, your body language and the sadness on your face said otherwise. “No, I’m just--lost. I still don’t understand, Joel.” you shrugged. There was something in your expression, on your face, that broke his heart all over again.

“I told you.” he just answered.

“Well okay, let’s say that it doesn’t make sense to me,” you corrected yourself, “We spent so much time together, and every second was amazing. Then we kissed and--you took me inside your house, you pinned me against your door, I thought it was going really well and all of the sudden, you backed off. And--and you spent the past year avoiding me, but somehow, you still play your fucking guitar on your porch, knowing that I can hear you. Hell, you spend a serious amount of time playing ‘Future days’— and what you wrote—”

You hadn’t realized you were rambling until his lips crashed into yours. Rough but tender at the same time, his beard tickled your nose. He was holding your face in his hands, making you as close as possible to him. It stayed a chaste kiss until he pulled back. “And now you’re kissing me again,” you said, a bit shaken in a beautiful way.

“I just wanted you to shut up,” he smirked.

“Please, make some sense, Joel,” you pleaded him. “Because I really don’t understand and it prevents me from moving on,” you paused, “Not that I actually want to move on,”

“You never shut up, do you?”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t stop kissing me,”

Back at your house

This past year was long forgotten when you and Joel reached your house. You locked your door behind and basically ran to your bedroom, taking him with you. You were so fast, Joel almost tripped in the stairs. Once in your bedroom, you threw him on your bed and straddled him. You were not going to let him escape this time.

You crashed your lips on his, and you kissed him feverishly. You never unbuttoned a shirt this fast in your life. Joel’s hands got under your tank top and quickly got rid of it, along with your bra. Joel cupped one of your breasts in his hand and brought his mouth to the other. He played with your nipples for a moment, while you freed him from his jeans and boxers. You stroked him a few times, feeling some precum on your fingers. Joel let out the biggest moan he ever had. It’s been so long. So fucking long, he couldn’t stand the foreplay, “I need to be inside you, sweetheart. Like, right now,” he growled.

You got off his lap just to take your pants and panties off. Joel’s eyes darken at the sight of your naked body. He could’ve come just from the sight.

You pushed his shoulders so he was completely laying on the bed. Joel felt your wetness when you started to grind your center against his hard cock. It was killing him.

“Just for my peace of mind,” he managed to say, “You’re not a virgin, are you?” he asked, his hands resting on your hips.

“Would it change something if I was?” you answered, pressing your body against his.

“Yes. I wouldn’t want to hurt you. I would take my time with you,” he gently said, planting soft kisses around your mouth.

“I’m not a virgin. It’s been a while though, does hymen grow back?”

Joel laughed at that, but his laugh quickly turned into a deep growl as you made him penetrate you. You slided onto him so slowly, it took everything in his power not to shove his length as deep as he could. You felt his fingers digging so hard on your hips, you’ll probably wake up with bruises in the morning. It’s been such a long time, it almost felt like it was indeed your first time.

As he bottomed out, Joel kissed you roughly. He’s not going to last. This is too much. “Fuck, Y/N! You’re so tight,” he groaned in your ear, holding your hair in his fist.

You pulled out slowly and got him to bottom out again. You rode him with this killer pace, until he couldn’t take it anymore. He made you roll over and pinned you down onto the mattress. Again, his fingers dug into your skin, and his lips crashed on yours in a rough and sloppy kiss. Joel quickened the pace, fucking you relentlessly. He could hear you cry his name and it quickly became a blur to him. It was so much for him, he completely forgot about your pleasure and after a few quick and hard thrusts, Joel came deep inside your pussy, crying your name out loud.

This was too quick, you didn’t have time to cum too. But you didn’t mind, you knew he was going to get even. Plus, seeing him falling apart on top of you like that was the most sexy and erotic and amazing thing you ever witnessed. That image only could get you soaking wet. Pretty much like you were at this moment.

“Fuck, sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” he said, collapsing on you.

“It’s okay,” you reassured him, stroking his hair and kissing his temple. He was sweaty as hell, but you loved the taste of him on your lips.

“God,” he panicked, “I came inside you,” he looked at you with wide eyes, realizing the risk it was. He should have never come inside you. This is way too risky. There are no birth controls and no condoms. He can’t do that again. The panic washed him over, but you stayed pretty calmed under him. “Why are you not freaking out? Yelling at me?”

“Is there anything we can do about it?” you asked, steady.

“Well--” he trailed off. Obviously, there’s nothing you can do about it. He came, it’s too late.

“I’ll be careful next time, I promise.” he apologized and kissed you.

Once the panic disappeared, Joel remembered that you didn’t come. He got carried away by his own pleasure, he completely forgot about yours. “Don’t move,” he ordered you and made a trail of wet kisses down to your core. You moaned when his lips reached your clit and he smirked. He licked and sucked on your clit for a moment, one of his arms around your waist to keep you still. When he felt your hand running through his hair, and your nails digging on his scalp, he moaned himself. “Fuck, you’re tasting yourself,” you breathed out.

“I couldn’t care less.” he muttered.

As he kept eating like a starving man, Joel surprised you with a thick finger entering your core. “Jesus, Joel! Yes!” you cried and he didn’t waste time adding another finger. His fingers were curling inside you, hitting exactly where they were supposed and he remained sucking hard on your clit. “Just like that, yes! Fuck!” he felt your body shaking under him and his free hand immediately rushed to your breasts, pinching your nipples between his thumb and index. He didn’t stop, not even slowed down until you came hard on his face, crying his name so loud, all Jackson probably heard you.

As you were catching your breath, Joel got back on top of you and wrapped an arm around your neck. He held you so tight, you almost couldn't breathe but you loved every second of it. You were surprised by his length teasing your oversensitive entrance, “I’ve never recovered this fast in my life.” he growled in your ear. “Can I?” he asked for your consent, gently kissing your temple.

“Yes please! Give it to me, baby. Fuck me!”

That was all he needed. He didn’t need his hand to slide inside of you again. In one thrust, he bottomed out and cursed. “You were made for me,” he said, huskily, before kissing you, all teeth and tongue.

As he thrusted hard and deep inside your pussy, you grabbed his ass and squeezed. He chuckled against your mouth and quickened his pace. He fucked you relentlessly again but this time, he took his time. There was less urge, he was thinking about your pleasure too.

He finally let go of your neck, and got on his knees, lifting your hips a little. Your ass was resting on his thighs as he kept thrusting. That angle drove both of you crazy. While one of his hands was holding your hips hard, he furiously rubbed your clit with the other. He could feel you're losing it. “I’m gonna cum, baby,” you told him. “Fuck, you feel so good!” you cried his name again, coming and creaming on his cock.

“God, I’ll never get used to that sight,” Seeing you losing it under his touch sent him over the edge. He managed to withdraw just in time to come on your stomach, he didn’t even have to give himself a few final strokes.

He collapsed on top of you again, not caring about the sticky mess between your bodies. “You’ll be the death of me, Y/N,” he said and you chuckled.

“I love you, Joel. There’s no better than you,”

[userholland]

all for her [3]

pairing: dad!bartender!tom x female!reader

warnings: cursing, lots of angst

summary: a single-dad bartender, a supportive best friend and their continuous, unrequited love noticed by his optimistic daughter. is it possible to break a heart they never knew they had?

word count: 8.7k! 

a/n: another month has passed but! finally here’s part 3!!! sorry for the delay but i was caught in between this rut & midterms so it took a while for any big ideas to spark. but i’m so happy that so many of y’all have enjoyed this story. i want to say again that this is my favorite fic series i’ve ever written so thank you so so much for appreciating it! i may end with 5 parts, but i won’t leave y’all hanging!

— masterlist ☆彡

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

A week had passed since the gruesome bar fight and Tom was still left with a dark bruise surrounding his right eye along with another on the side of his chin and the start of his jaw. Luckily, there were no broken bones or dislocated limbs, but it was made known that he had a concussion after you forced him to go to the emergency room and get properly looked at by a doctor. As stubborn as he was, Tom tried listening to the careful instructions given for the follow-up appointments that would come, but everything went in one ear and out the other.

“We want to make sure each part of the brain that was impacted is still intact, so we want you to see this specialist and they’ll run a few cognitive tests to make sure everything is okay.” The doctor explained in simple terms as he scribbled the information on his prescription pad and ripped it off.

You nodded, taking the paper from him, “How much is all this?”

“It’s not too costly, but insurance should cover most of it.” He reassured, glancing at you before looking back at Tom’s chart, “I recommend a lot of rest and time away from work for at least two to three days.”

Tom quickly looked over, “I can’t take off work right now. I really can’t afford to do that right now.”

“Mr. Holland, we want to make sure that there’s no way you could injure yourself even more than now. You need to take a few rest days in order to relax and stay away from anything strenuous.”

“I’m a bartender, I think I can-”

“Tom... relax, please.” You retorted at him, your jaw slightly clenched.

Tom stared out the window with his side against the wall, feeling like he was miles away even though he was just across the room. You peered over at him a few times throughout the appointment, but you knew he didn’t want to be here. One of the strings of his black hoodie curled around his pointer finger, pulling on the coil before letting it spring back, repeating it a few times as the doctor continued informing to you.

He’d been fixated on the results of the DNA test. It was rooted in his mind from how many times he read over it, convincing himself it wasn’t true and it was a huge mistake. Doubt consumed his thoughts, wondering how he could have been so stupid to fall for the entire ruse even though Tom never regretted one moment of raising Summer. He loved her so much and would do anything to have her back, but finding out the truth made it harder for him to figure out if he should still be fighting for her.

Throughout the nights, he tossed and turned enough to wake you up, feeling his pull on the sheets. Sometimes you’d hold him from behind, curling your arms and locking them to make him feel safe. You pressed your cheek against his back, the eerily sound of his heartbeat against your ear as it quickly thudded. His thumb brushed over the top of your hand, remembering that you were still there, but when he closed his eyes, every thought crawled its way back in and cluttered his mind enough to make him want to burst into an angry fit.

After a few minutes, the doctor left you two to gather your things. Tom ran his hand over his hair as he started to walk to the door, but you blocked him from taking another step. With your arms crossed in front of your chest and your eyebrows furrowed, Tom knew that look was never good.

“Talk to me… C’mon, what’s going on? What’s on your mind?” You softly asked, still looking into his eyes.

Tom ran his hands down his face, a light groan leaving his lips from the frustration slowly building inside his entire body.

“I don’t want to talk about it now, Y/N. Please. I’m fucking embarrassed enough.” He huffed.

“Then when are you gonna talk about it?” You retorted, your eyebrows furrowed from concern, “You can’t keep the weight of the world on your shoulders forever.”

He shrugged, “I’m not Summer’s dad. That’s it! It was all fucking nothing. It doesn’t matter-”

“It’s always mattered, Tom!” You whisper-shouted, not wanting to make a scene with everyone passing by even though the door was closed, “What Maggie did to you was fucked up, but you raised that girl to be who she is now and that’s what matters.”

Tom gulped, his tired eyes beginning to water as he kept eye contact with you. His bottom lip quivered, but he quickly wiped his tears with his hoodie sleeve. The dryness in his throat hurt and even closing his bruised eye was painful to do, making him curse under his breath every time. He clenched his jaw tight as he rubbed the back of his neck, but you placed your hands on each side of his delicate face. 

It was hard to see him in this state where nothing mattered to him and there was a greyness that clouded over the great and wonderful person he truly was. It wasn’t the Tom you grew up with, not even close, so to see this side of him for the first time astonished you, and you weren’t sure what else it would take to see his old self other than getting Summer back.

He ran his hand over his soft curls, “Can we just go home?”

“Yeah, but remember we have a call with a lawyer tomorrow morning. He thinks you could get a good settlement deal since the guy who beat you up had prior arrests.” You reminded him, pecking his cheek then rubbing your thumb over the bruised skin under his eye.

Tom nodded, “You know we can’t afford this guy.”

“We’ll make it work.” You said, wrapping your arms around his waist with his around your neck.

He licked his lips, “Y/N, I’m not gonna make you pay for it.”

“Who said you were making me? I know you want her back as much as I do.” You sniffled, gently holding his face so he could look into your sincere eyes and saw the way they gleamed.

Neither of you wanted to surrender and it never crossed your minds to give up on Summer, but it was getting harder when you felt like Tom was a ticking time bomb and it could only take Maggie’s choice of words to pick at the one nerve no one else could reach to make him completely snap.

Your noses brushed together with your foreheads lightly pressed, both of you reminding yourselves that you had one another. Tom placed his hand on your cheek before leaning in, feeling how soft and light your lips were against his and tasting your minty chapstick. As your eyes tightly closed, you shared a slow kiss with your arms still loosely wrapped around his neck. It was a blissful kiss, one you hadn’t shared in a while, but it was comforting in moments like this where you were terrified of what was to come. 

When Tom pulled away, he planted a faint kiss on the center of your forehead, “I love you so much.”

“I love you so much more.” You mumbled as you looked into his beautiful, russet eyes, “C’mon. Let’s go home and put some ice on that eye again, maybe take a nap after.” You hinted.

He half-smiled, “That sounds nice.”

You quickly furrowed your eyebrows, pouted your bottom lip, “Hmm, and maybe take a shower, you look like hell.” You joked, raking your fingers through the front of his messy curls to the crown of his head.

Tom rolled his eyes and smirked, “You know you used to be nicer to me, like when we were kids.”

“Well that’s before I fell for you, I can’t get too soft… plus, I think it balances your ego.” You smiled, pressing your lips against his while the two of you giggled within another kiss.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

Later that afternoon, you and Tom were napping on the couch with the TV on low volume. The birds chirped by the window and traffic was below the terrace, the sudden honks echoing between the buildings. You were laying between Tom’s legs, the fluffy blanket over your whole body. With your arms loose around Tom’s torso, you slumbered with your head comfortably against his chest. Tom wanted to go some sleep, blinking his dry eyes every few seconds to keep himself awake, trying to distract himself with his phone.

Light snores left your lips, your face hiding in his neck as you unconsciously curled up more. Tom stretched his neck a bit, making sure you were okay before running his hand over your hair. If he could lose Summer, Tom worried that you could slip away just as easily. He never realized how protective he was, hoping it wouldn’t push you away from his own faults and insecurities; he didn’t want to be left alone.

Tom kissed the top of your hair, nuzzling his face against the top of your head. Throughout this, you were his rock, an anchor to hold him down when things got to be too much and he couldn’t believe how supportive you were with how confused he was. You held him when he cried and you listened to him when he needed to vent. It was things you’d done before, but you both felt emotionally closer like another wall had fallen and there was nothing you couldn’t tell each other.

He slowly raked his fingers through the crown of your head to the end of your back, over and over as you peacefully napped before his phone vibrated against the coffee table. You stirred in your sleep, turning your head away and loosely wrapping your arm under Tom’s neck. As his vision cleared from his sleepy daze, Tom furrowed his eyebrows at the contact name.

“Hey, baby, I have to take this,” Tom said in a low tone, not wanting to completely wake you up.

You nodded, your eyes still closed, but Tom slowly got on his feet. After he placed the blanket over you, Tom went out to his bedroom so you could have some quiet.

“Hey, dad.” He answered.

“Hey, Tommy.”

His father always had the same monotone voice, like a poker face that he had to figure out since he was born.

“What’s going on? Is Sheryl okay?” Tom replied, sitting down on the bed.

Ever since his dad got remarried a few years ago, Tom and his father’s relationship slowly parted over time. With work, school, and a kid, Tom didn’t have time to take the backhanded compliments and concerned parenting skills that his new stepmom persistently gave to him on any family occasion. They used to have dinners together every Saturday night when Tom could get away from the city and school, but each one got worse. The last straw was around this time last year, it was Thanksgiving dinner and the blowout was something Tom tried to forget every other week. He couldn’t even bring it all up to you which was hard to keep since it’s been biting at his nerves for the last year.

As Summer got older, Tom didn’t want her to think she was “some kind of mistake” as Sheryl would put it. So for the sake of her, he told himself that his family wasn’t going to cost his daughter’s happiness and he never returned a call back until now. She asked about her grandparents around birthdays or holidays throughout the year, but it was getting harder for Tom to avoid the question when she wouldn’t give up sometimes.

Even though Tom’s mom was usually out of the country, she made sure to send presents, pictures and call every other weekend to make sure he and Summer were okay, but Tom would never admit to her if something was wrong. His mom was never there, not for him growing up and rarely now, but he knew she was trying to make up for it holiday after holiday.

“Uh, she’s well. We’re fine. I just wanted to call you and ask what’s going on… How’s Summer?” His dad genuinely asked.

Tom chuckled, “Why do you ask?”

His father hesitated for a second with his answer, “I haven’t heard from you in a while. Your mom called me and said that she hadn’t heard from you either. So, we’re just worried about you…”

“Yeah… yeah.” Tom raised his eyebrows as he rolled his eyes.

He heard his father sigh, “I know things weren’t the best the last time I saw you-”

“Some woman I barely know tells me that I can’t raise my daughter? That she was a mistake? No, dad. I should be visiting even more after that.” Tom retorted, grinning to mask how the anger was building up inside him slowly but surely.

“She’s your stepmom.”

“Not to me.”

Tom’s dad didn’t fight back his bitter attitude, “Tom, I just want to talk to you. It’s just you and me.”

“Dad, I’m really… not in the mood.” 

“Let’s get lunch… or dinner, maybe? Just the two of us.” His dad suggested, almost pleading.

There was silence between the conversation as Tom thought for a few seconds. As damaged as his bond was with his dad, he didn’t want to push him away. It would be what Maggie was doing to him, and to feel the separation from a child hurt like hell.

Tom sniffled, “Fine, yeah. Sure.”

“Great. Well, what about dinner tonight? Where do you want to meet?”

“Um, we can meet at the bar I work at… before my shift starts. Six o’clock.” Tom trailed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Okay, I’ll see you then.”

Tom quickly hung up before he could burst into tears. In the back of his mind, he thought there was an ultimatum behind the real reason he wanted to talk, not thinking it was just some catching up. But, the stress of the past month had made Tom into a walking mess. Maybe this would bring back some old times, like when he was a kid in a baseball cap and his dad brought him to baseball games and carnivals when his mom was on business trips.

“Fucking Christ,” Tom said under his breath, running his hands through his hair. He blinked away the tears at the waterlines of his tired eyes, wiping them with his t-shirt before getting up.

It was still hard to pass Summer’s room and see it still untouched and empty. Tom kept it neat and clean, hoping it motivated his hope to have her back home. Sometimes he’d sit on her bed and think about the little life the three of you had together. She probably missed her stuffed animals she had tea parties with or the t-shirts she couldn’t fit in her bag. Maggie refused to let him over anymore, not after the last time they saw each other and how frustrated he got. It was hard to think that Tom was holding out for nothing, and Summer could never be in his life again.

He leaned against the doorframe, staring at the bunny sitting on her bed. It was the bunny you and Tom spent hours looking for sometimes, one day realizing that Summer started to do it on purpose. She would hide it in the last place you could think of and it became a race of who could find Mr. Fluffycakes first. She finally admitted one day that she thought it was a game that you and Tom liked to play, so she would try to find the perfect place to almost camouflage the soft, grey bunny.

Tom held it in his hands, bring it up to his face, and smelling the familiar, lavender-vanilla detergent. He sighed, glaring at the small paintings taped with scotch tape to her wall by the dollhouse in the corner of her room. It was Summer’s favorite Christmas present she had ever gotten, Tom’s mom hoping she’d like it after getting it from London. She traveled a lot, always sending things in the mail to Summer, but rarely making appearances with how much she did work. Tom hoped that would change from when he was a kid, but now he understood how his parents ended up separating.

“You okay, babe?” You grinned, leaning on the doorframe and glaring at Tom sat on Summer’s book nook.

“Yeah, just miss her.” He half-smiled, biting his bottom lip after and tossing her bunny on the bed.

You walked over, sitting next to Tom and wrapping your arm around his shoulder before kissing his temple trailing to the apple of his cheek then lightly pressing your nose against his cheek.

“I bet she misses you a lot too.” You replied. “Have you heard from Maggie? Any chance of… seeing her? Maybe a short visit.” You asked, pulling your head away to turn to him.

He nodded, “We haven’t talked. I don’t want Summer to see me like this anyways.” Tom said low, lightly touching his bruised eye.

“C’mon, you look noble and tough. She’ll think you’re more of a hero than you already are.” You joked, trying to get a smile out of him.

“Hmm, I wish I felt like that.” Tom sighed.

Trying to figure out the gears working in Tom’s head was always a mystery. You watched his brown eyes shift back and forth as he was leaned over, his elbows against the top of his knees. Another long sigh passed his lips and you could tell something else was really bothering him, not needing him to say it.

“What’s wrong, baby? C’mon, you have that furrow in your brow.” You tilted your head.

He bit the inside of his cheek, his pride fighting his urge to just open his mouth, but he had a soft spot for you like no one else could. The instant Tom looked into your eyes, he felt the comfort he knew he needed.

“My dad called me, just now.”

“Oh… Is that good or bad?” You asked.

He cracked his knuckles, shrugging, “Both, kind of...”

You didn’t know much about Tom and his dad’s relationship other than Tom hating his stepmom, in light terms than he used. But, he wanted Summer to keep in contact with them for as long as he could. So many years had passed since you last saw his dad, so it didn’t feel right to butt in when you knew the bare minimum, but last Thanksgiving was unforgivable in Tom’s book so you stood by his side on what he felt.

“We’re gonna meet for dinner tonight… at the bar. I want to take a shift tonight.” Tom added.

You sighed, “Tom, you can’t work. We have to go to the doctor soon.”

“Just tonight. I promise. I… I need to do something with myself.” He groaned as he ran his fingers through his hair, rubbing the top of his head before looking back into your eyes.

“Okay… I understand. But, just tonight.” You agreed and rubbed his arm, pressing your cheek against his shoulder.

Tom sat up, straightening his back and you pulled your face away from his shoulder to look him in the eye. Your faces were close together, a few inches away before he asked, “Can you come with me? ‘Cause, I don’t think I can do it alone.” He admitted then bit the inside of his cheek.

You tried to hide your smile, happy that he was opening up a bit at a time.

“Of course, babe. I’ll go with you for however long you need me.” You said as you trailed your hand to his, intertwining your fingers together and giving him a quick squeeze. Tom’s smile slowly painted on his tired face, bringing the top of your hand to his lips.

“Thank you. Really, thank you. You don’t know how grateful I am for you.”

“Well, I have all day.” You jeered and it made him smile again, wrapping his arms around you to scatter kisses on your cheek and neck.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

The bar wasn’t busy during the late afternoon, before the fleet of college students and single women came through for the nightlife. But it was a relaxed spot when the sun was still out. A few husky men sat at the bar, eating chips and drinking pints to watch the various games on the flat screens or truckers stopping by for a nice meal and taking a smoke outside. It wasn’t the most formal place to meet up, but Tom had work in two hours so it was more convenient than worrisome to impress his dad.

You and Tom sat at a table for four, sitting next to one another and your arm linked around his. He was dressed in his work attire which was a dark-blue button-down paired with a white t-shirt with his name tag on the right side of his chest, solid black jeans that were a bit baggy on him, and his raggedy converse with the laces looped around the ankle once. He kept checking his watch every few minutes while he tapped his right foot against the floor and it began to make you a bit antsy.

“Baby, you need to relax.” You reminded him, lightly pressing your hand down on his thigh.

“I am. I’m just mentally preparing for what he’s gonna say to me.” He sighed as he sat up in his chair.

“Like what?”

“Oh, you really want me to go through the entire list?” Tom sarcastically joked, a half-smile on his lips.

You humored him with a giggle, but nodded your head, “You’re overthinking it. It’ll be okay and I’m right here next to you.”

Tom leaned in, giving you a light kiss that made your stomach fill with butterflies. You never knew how tender he could be when he didn’t seem like the kind of guy who enjoyed PDA. But, he became putty when he was around you by this point that it was hard not to want to kiss you when you comforted him.

He quickly looked down at his watch again, “He’s almost an hour late. He probably bailed.”

“Don’t say that. He’s gonna come, maybe, he’s just in weekend traffic.” You tried to keep his head up.

Tom rubbed the back of his neck, but he couldn’t help but slowly feeling the creeping feeling of abandonment on his shoulders. He wanted to give his dad a chance, he really did, but this was reminding him of how he was never the most reliable. It twisted Tom’s trust issues in every person he met and having to be forced to sit there, wondering and waiting, was eating Tom alive.

Another half-hour passed and Tom decided to clock in early. He didn’t feel like having to sit there for another hour, only to be asked and told exactly what he expected to hear. You told him that you’d sit at the end of the bar, staying with him until he specifically asked you to go home, but really you wanted to hang around to make sure Tom didn’t get into another bar fight that ended up with him having more than a concussion.

Some college students fled in and asked for a round of beers while others waited for their favorite cocktails. There was enough staff tonight that Tom didn’t feel overwhelmed like last few times, sometimes having to clock in on days he didn’t work because someone called in sick. The new guys were nice, most of them young and needing something to do during graduate school or trying to make rent.

As Tom wiped down the bar when a group of girls left, his manager, Teddy, called his name from behind. He quickly looked over his shoulder and tossed the rag in the bucket underneath the bar, walking over to Teddy who never failed to not have a clipboard in his hands. He never took off his wedding ring at work like some of the other servers and bartenders and even so, he gushed about his wife, Anna, when he could. Even though he sounded like a broken record some days, Tom admired how Teddy flaunted his stable, almost 20-year relationship.

“Glad to see you back, Tommy!” Teddy grinned at him, putting his hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah. I feel better, I just have to go to a few doctor’s appointments, if that’s okay with you.” Tom asked in the moment, crossing his arms.

“Of course! Of course. For how long you’ve been working here, I don’t think you’ve ever taken a sick day or called in last minute.”

“It’s just been two years, Teddy. You make me sound old.” Tom joked, cracking a smile.

“Yeah, but I still appreciate you. You’re a valuable asset.”

Tom didn’t want to take the compliment, but he still nodded and grinned.

“Hey, have you heard anything from that guy’s lawyers? Are they giving you any compensation?” Teddy curiously asked as he wrote with his signature, blue pen on the paper of the clipboard.

“My girlfriend and I found a lawyer, but I don’t know if he’s good enough to make sure I get the money I’m supposed to get. We’re working it out.” Tom reassured him as he glared at his feet.

Teddy smiled at Tom, big and sincere, “Well, as long as you have that support, you’ll be prepared for anything that comes your way. I’m sure your daughter will too.”

Tom nodded, “Yeah… She’s a great kid.”

He still hadn’t told anyone at work what had happened with Summer, seeing it was no one’s business other than everyone knowing he got hired because he was a single dad trying to provide for his daughter, at least who he thought was his daughter.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to work. Let me know if you need anything.” Teddy acknowledged before walking to the kitchen through the doors.

Tom bit his bottom lip before sealing his lips, looking out at the crowd coming in. Out of habit, he checked his watch again, but quickly turned away to not keep holding out with his dad to come. When Tom’s gaze landed on you, his eyes softened a bit at the natural glow you had. You were talking to a girl who you knew in college, both of you still sat at the end of the bar and you smiled and laughed with her.

As he walked over to where you were, your eyes went to him and your friend looked over her shoulder.

“I’ll see you around, Y/N.” She grinned, flashing Tom a friendly smile before she walked back over to her table of friends.

Tom’s eyes followed her then turned his focus to you, leaning on the bar, “Who was that?”

“She was in a few of my classes in college. Good friend. She thought that I had a pretty cute boyfriend too. Apparently, his black eye makes him look very brawny.” You teased, bringing your class of water to your lips as you watched him chuckle.

“Is he here tonight? I’d love to meet him finally.” Tom joked back.

The brightness was back in his brown eyes, a glimmer of hazel under the warm light. You hadn’t seen that gleam in a long time and it was a good sign and as much as you couldn’t know what was going through his mind, you just wanted more moments like this. Both of you away from the apartment where you weren’t secluded to walls that had too many memories built within them.

You leaned on the bar, your nose brushing against Tom’s before you shared a sweet, short kiss. You giggled against your lips as he did too, but you pulled back when you heard someone say his name from behind.

Tom’s dad stood there, his hair was a salt-and-pepper shade and a few lines along his face. The shoulders of his cargo jacket were wet from the downpour outside, a few raindrops dripping down his forehead and nose.

“Hey, Dad…” Tom sighed.

You turned to Tom, “Go, it’ll be okay, baby.” You reassured him, placing your hand on top of his.

“Okay. I’ll see you in a bit.” Tom said before giving you another kiss then walked around the bar to meet with his dad in the middle of the floor.

“Do you wanna sit?” His dad asked him, gesturing his hand to the table next to them.

“Yeah, I just have a few minutes,” Tom said, pulling out the chair.

His dad furrowed his eyebrows, “What happened to your face? Did you get into a fight?”

“Uh, yeah. Sort of. It’s not important.” Tom deflected as he lightly touched his eye, not thinking his bruise was that noticeable in the dim lighting of the table.

“I think it’s important.” His dad chuckled, leaning on the table to get a closer look, “C’mon, who was it?”

Tom nodded his head, “That’s not why you’re here to talk, Dad.” He said lowly, crossing his arms.

“Well, I wanted to catch up. How are you? How’s Summer?” His dad tried to carry the conversation in a more positive manner, hoping he could connect with Tom without it becoming an argument.

“Um, Summer’s fine. She’s in kindergarten this year.” Tom replied.

“Wow! Kindergarten already? It’s like yesterday you were that age. You would always wear that damn baseball hat everyday… your mom would throw a fit and she tried to hide it from you all the time, but you managed to always find it. Ah, she just loved when your hair grew out.” His dad chuckled, leaning back in his chair and he glanced over at you.

“Yeah… She’s getting older.”

“You have a picture?” His dad quickly asked.

Tom pulled out his phone, scrolling through his gallery until he found a picture from a few weeks ago at her birthday party. It was when Summer was blowing out her candles, her knees pressed into the chair cushion and her one hand pushing her up on the table while the casted one was by her side as she tried to reach the top of the cake.

“She broke her arm? Geez, what’s going on in your lives?” His dad smiled at the picture before Tom took his phone back.

“Her and Y/N went ice skating and she fell and… it was a whole thing, but she’s okay now.”

His dad grinned, “Is that Y/N over there?” He nodded his head in your direction.

Tom looked over his shoulder at you, still sat at the bar and you were talking with one of the bartenders. You crossed your leg over the other as you carried the conversation with a glowing smile painted on your lips, gesturing with your one hand while the other cupped your drink. The red and yellow lights strobed against your face, highlighting it past all the people passing by to get drinks or dance on the other side of the room. You felt Tom’s eyes glued to you, making you stare back at him and give him a playful wink.

“Yeah. We’re... dating now.” Tom admitted, glancing down at the table and drawing slow circles with his index finger on the polished wood.

Tom’s dad smiled, “Yeah well, you always had a crush on her. Glad to know you guys are still close. She was always a nice kid and… from what you told me, she was good with Summer.”

Every time Summer’s name was brought up, it struck Tom’s nerve and it made his face heat up. The more he talked about her, the more upset he got about what was going on complied with the other things going on in his life. Tom clenched his jaw, not able to reply and his dad could see he was upset. Even though Tom was growing older and he was his own man, his father could always tell when something was wrong. As much as Tom didn’t think anyone could figure him out, his dad could read him like the back of his hand.

“Is something else going on? Other than me just showing up?” His dad tilted his head to try to look at Tom.

As Tom’s pride fought his ego, he didn’t want to feel like he was suddenly giving into his father now that he was sitting in front of him. The idea of talking to his dad made him upset and brought back cruel memories, but now that he was venting and talking about things he thought he would be angry about, this seemed like a better time than any other to explain what was really going on.

Tom picked at his nail, trying to find the first words to say to how he felt without it feeling like a corny, emotional sitcom moment.

His face heated up, “I… I sort of found out that I’m… not Summer’s biological father.” Tom pinned his lips, tears developing by the corners of his eyes saying it out loud.

Tom’s father was shocked, not showing it on his face, but he gulped, “Are you sure?”

“A hundred percent. I took a DNA test at the doctor’s and… it sort of just… Well, I trust it enough to take it one time. The girl who’s her mom took her away, probably just for the child support, but I can’t figure out what to do… It’s been a month without her and I can’t sleep anymore, Dad. I raised her and I never doubted she was my daughter until now.” Tom choked up, a dryness in his throat making it hard to take a deep breath. He ran his hand over the top of his hair, weaving his fingers through the fluffy brown curls and pushing it away from his forehead.

His dad took a few seconds to contain his thoughts, wanting to truly think before he spoke and knew how much Summer meant to Tom.

“And on top of that, this asshole threw a punch at me at the bar last week and that’s how I got this.” Tom gestured to his eye, “And now I’m trying to get a settlement, but I don’t think I can afford the lawyer, and… everything is falling apart.” Tom trailed, finally looking right into his dad’s eyes who’s were similar to his.

Tom lowered his head, trying to hold his tears back at the sudden release of everything on his mind.

“I know you raised that little girl so well and I’ve always admired you for that.” His dad started.

Tom ran his hands down his face, sniffling as the whites of his eyes turned a light red. He couldn’t look at him as his father started to talk, worrying it was going to be a backhanded compliment and it was the wrong decision to do this.

“But, it’s gonna be hard to get her back if she’s not yours… but, if you find out more about how the mother feels about Summer and the whole situation, I can get in contact with a good lawyer or steer you in the direction of one.” His dad offered, but Tom nodded his head in response.

“Dad, I can’t do that.”

“I’m your father and I’m not gonna leave you hanging like this… I know you love Summer and you raised her. I’m not gonna let you drown yourself in a settlement on top of that, okay?”

“I’m not a kid anymore. I can take care of this-”

“You’re not, I know that! You’re a grown adult who’s just needing some help and that’s fine.” His dad emphasized, understanding how hard-headed his own son could be.

Tom nodded, “I want it to be a loan. I can pay you back for however long it takes.”

“No, no. Let me help you out… as your dad. I’m not a bank, I’m not… anyone else. I’m your father and I know that if you were taken away from like Summer was to you, I’d want everything to be as smooth as possible.” His dad explained, trying to show how much he truly cared about his son despite the cold, bitter tension between them for the past year and a half.

The two of them sat there with the noise of the people’s conversations around to fill the silence, but Tom came to his decision and he nodded, “Okay. It’s a deal.”

They didn’t even shake hands, let alone hug, but the thankfulness was implied. Tom’s dad grinned at his son, the one who was just a little kid he wishes he truly gave the world to instead of sitting here thinking he had a lot to make up for. 

“Other than all of that, have things been good otherwise?” His dad asked, glancing up at him.

Tom chuckled, “Just this and not much else. It’s been pretty boring without Summer around. But, Y/N has made it better.”

“Is she a keeper?” His dad grinned.

“She’s more than that. She’s really great and I could… see her in my life forever.”

His dad smiled, “I remember when she broke her arm and you just went on and on about dropping her homework at her house. I had to… call the school and get the parent contact information and then you were all jittery and nervous in the car. Even gelled your hair that day.” He recalled, smiling at the memory.

Tom blushed, “I wasn’t that nervous.”

“She really is a sweet girl. I’m happy for you.” His dad appreciated him, nice to see a smile finally on his face.

“Thanks, Dad.” Tom’s smile curled up, patches on red painting his cheeks at the thought of you even if you were sitting a few feet away.

“Well, it looks busy here so, maybe we can reschedule for an actual dinner. One that I don’t have to tip you for.” His dad jokes as they both stand up from their seats.

“Yeah, yeah. Of course. Definitely.” Tom nodded, running his sweaty palms down the front of his pants.

“It was really nice to see you. Don’t be a stranger.” His dad stood in front of him, staring at the mature and put-together man his son had become in the blink of an eye. It was a bittersweet feeling that maybe their time apart was leading up to this moment.

“I won’t.” Tom grinned, leaning in and wrapping his one arm around his dad.

His dad linked his arm around him as well, his hand meeting Tom’s back and giving it a few rubs before they pulled apart.

“I’ll keep in touch with you about the lawyer.”

“Thanks again.” Tom nodded.

You glanced over your shoulder, watching them go their own ways and his dad gave a quick wave to you. When your eyes shifted to Tom, he had a glow on his face, wanting to hide his smile by sealing his lips. You couldn’t help but grin, swiveling the barstool around to face him and you reached out for his hand.

“How did it go?” You simply asked, placing your hand on top of your knee.

Tom nodded, “It was fine, we can talk about it more when I get home.”

“No, tell me now.” You giggled, not wanting to put a damper on his news.

He half-smiled, “Just know that everything is going in the right direction. My dad said he’d help me a little bit with the settlement stuff and that way I can focus on Summer and what we’re gonna do.”

You ran your thumb over the top of his hand, “I’m really proud of you, you know that?”

“It was nothing-”

“It was something.” You retorted with a sweet smile, giving a light squeeze to his hand, “C’mhere.”

You placed your hand on his cheek, pulling him in to press a soft kiss on his lips. Deep down, he knew it wasn’t easy, but he didn’t want to take pride in something that seemed silly after it had happened. Luckily, he had you to remind him that he was taking the steps he needed to get Summer back. It was the first time you could see the light inside him even if he didn’t want to show it. Just from the difference in his smile, there was that gleam of hope.

As you pulled away, you sealed your lips and grinned at him. Your nose scrunched up as you both giggled, suddenly overwhelmed by the happiness filling yours and Tom’s hearts. You brushed your nose against his, your foreheads pressing together before he gave you another light kiss.

“Okay, I gotta work. You should go home, get some rest.”

“Well, I kind of wanna stay. It’s nice here and you’re just someone cute to look at.” You tilted your head.

“Why don’t you order something, on me, relax for a while and I’ll try to get off work early. Maybe, we can pick up ice cream on the way home to celebrate.” 

“Celebrate? Must have been really great news that I can’t wait to hear in detail.” You jeered and he planted a light kiss on your forehead before rounding behind the bar. He grabbed his rag, shoving it in his back pocket and you turned around toward him.

“What would you like to drink tonight, ma’am?” Tom said jokingly, placing a cocktail napkin on the bar in front of you.

Your lips to the side, “A rum and coke and make it dirty, Mr. Barkeep.”

He chuckled as he pulled a glass off the bottom shelf, beginning to make your drink in swift moves. He looked so natural behind the bar as he poured the bottles in intricate ways, finishing off the beverage with two cherries.

“Let me know if you need anything.” He smiled followed by a wink.

“Nothing I can say in public.” You teased before taking a sip of your drink.

Tom smirked at you before moving down the bar, tending to other customers with a natural smile on his lips. You tilted your head with your drink in your hand, almost in awe of him and how handsome he was.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

The night was getting louder while the crowd was growing, some people passing by bumping your shoulder even though you were still sat at the bar. You saw a few friends and struck up conversations with them to catch up, not completely bored while Tom was working, but you were worried about him. You hoped that he wouldn’t oddly hurt himself, having to take him to the ER and give him a good “I told you so” talk on the way there.

As you worked on your second drink, your phone vibrated in your purse and the screen lit up. You furrowed your eyebrow at the unknown number but still decided to take it in case it was important. You asked your friend to save your seat as you took your purse, moving through the crowd to get outside. The rain was pouring still, but you stood underneath the awning of the bar as people ran under it, drying themselves off before entering.

“Hello? This is Y/N.”

“Y/N? It’s Summer.” She whimpered, her voice at a whisper.

She stole Maggie’s phone that she left on the charger in her room, sneaking it away and using the emergency numbers written on the tag of her backpack. Tom didn’t answer first, making her worried so she decided to call you and hoped to hear your voice she missed so much.

Your heart dropped, “Summer? Are you okay?”

“No, the lady is mean. She makes me go to bed early with no bedtime stories like Daddy said she would. She-she’s not fun and she leaves me with a strange lady next door.” She sniffled, curled up behind her bedroom door.

“Wh-What strange lady?”

“She’s old and mean too. I don’t wanna be here anymore. I wanna be with you and daddy.” Summer continued to cry at a low volume, muffling her whimpers to not let Maggie hear in the next door.

You felt your heart breaking, not sure what to say since she wasn’t your kid but, in a way, she was. You pinched your nose bridge and the heavy rain making it hard to have a clear mind.

“Um, um, have you talked to your dad? Are you safe?” You asked, frantic as her.

“N-no, Daddy didn’t answer. Please come pick me up. I hate it here.” She wept, her voice shakey as she begged.

You nodded, not able to take it anymore, “You wait there, we’re gonna come to get you.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

The time was almost midnight, but a loud knock echoed against Maggie’s door. She groaned, getting herself out of bed and thinking it was a drunk at the wrong apartment or someone playing a prank. As she approached the door, Maggie put her hair into a bun to clear her vision when she approached the door in the dark. After flicking on the light switch for the warm light above her, she opened the door and saw Tom dripping wet.

“Tom?... It’s almost midnight. I told you not to come here again.”

Tom sighed, “Y/N got a call from Summer and she was upset.”

Maggie rolled her eyes, “I can’t believe she took my phone. Jesus, what did you teach her? Because she’s been acting out in school, whenever I’m at work, I can’t take her anywhere!” She complained, her arm slapping against her side as the other held the door open.

“I didn’t teach her that. You’re the one who doesn’t know her and I know you’re not treating her right.”

“Oh, how do you know?”

“You leave her with some strange woman when you’re not here?”

“It’s my mother, Tom. I work, I have an actual job, okay? Not some side gig at a crappy bar where I can live on my tips.” She retorted, but it made Tom’s anger quickly grow.

Tom ran his hand through his wet hair, almost defeated by how defensive she was.

“Why are you doing this? She’s upset and she wants to see me.”

“Well, Summer is just a kid, she’ll get over it. Not getting her way is a part of life, Tom. God! You babied her so much that she just comes crying to you.” Maggie hissed at him, ready to slam the door in his face.

“She is a baby! She’s a kid, Maggie. She called Y/N because she can’t stand you. Do you think that’s good for her? Being here?” Tom yelled back, his jaw clenched and his face heating up.

“You know, I’m getting really sick of you saying what Y/N thinks is good for Summer like she’s her stepmother or something.”

“And where were you being mom of the year? Huh? Why do you have such a problem with her, Maggie? She’s the one who helped me throughout raising Summer, not you because you were never here!”

Maggie crossed her arms, her only defense since she didn’t have any words.

“Where were you when she took her first steps? Her first words? When she got her first A in kindergarten? Did you take her to the hospital when you thought she had a peanut allergy or when she fell ice skating? Who was there for her, Maggie?!” Tom persisted, his eyes filling with tears at how angry he felt.

Maggie couldn’t look Tom in the eyes because it was all true, she knew it this whole time, but hearing it out loud made her even feel a bit guilty.

“So, why do you suddenly want her now? Is it money? Or do you really want her to be in your life? I can arrange it any way you want if you really do what her back in your life, but I don’t think it’s fair that you just swoop up and take her away when she’s my kid too. A kid that I raised since you left her on my doorstep six years ago.”

Maggie chuckled out of spite, “You’d never get it.”

“Then tell me! Tell me so I understand. It’s just us right now. Y/N isn’t here and all I want is Summer back home so, what is the reason, Maggie?” Tom asked, his voice a bit more calm, but still frustrated that he hadn’t gotten a straight answer the entire time they had been standing there, “I know there’s a reason why you didn’t tell me all these years that she wasn’t mine. You know it and I know it… I just want you to be honest with me. Okay?” Tom retorted.

She sighed, stepping outside and closing the door behind her. As she rubbed her hands down her face, her breath was shaky as the truth was trying to inch out of your mouth.

“I… Summer’s dad and I were dating and I told him about her and he was… upset. Like, he thought I was just a bad mom and he said he’d leave me if I didn’t just take care of her.” She huffed, shrugging at how stupid it sounded coming out.

Tom was baffled, but he let her explain herself without interrupting.

“H-He left to Vegas or San Diego or wherever. He left me again and now I just… I wanted to prove myself!” She whined, gritting her teeth as a tear trailed down her cheek, “But, she hates me and I don’t blame her, but I know I’m not a mom. I never… wanted a kid, okay? I just… I wanted him back.”

All Tom thought was that she was selfish. He could yell and scream all he wanted, taking Summer away from her in the next few seconds, but nevertheless, he controlled his breathing and tried to hear her out.

“Anything else?” He asked looking down at his feet, his arms crossed and feeling a chill from the AC.

Her eyes were teary, but she nodded, “Don’t hate me, please. Please.” She begged at a whisper.

“I don’t… Just, do the right thing now and let her come back home.” Tom sighed, his voice broken as well.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

Your body felt on fire from how anxious you felt, your foot tapping against the floor of Tom’s car. You waited, thinking your heart was going to burst in your chest if you had to wait any longer. A few minutes went by, concentrating on the time on the radio, but the heavy rain made the car windows look like stained glass. You hated biting at your nails, but you couldn’t help it after hearing Summer’s scared voice.

You curled up in the passenger seat, pulling on the seatbelt. You couldn’t just sit there anymore and do nothing, but stare at the dashboard and listen to the rain hitting the windshield. Your eyes began to tear up, wiping them quickly with the sleeves of your shirt, but you turned your head when you heard the back door open.

Tom was soaked from head to toe by this point, but Summer was curled around him before he set her on the seats. She had her backpack on, her hair damp and she was in her matching pajamas. Rain dripped off her noise and she wiped her wet forehead with the back of her hand.

“You get buckled in, just buckle in, okay?” Tom told her, still standing in the rain as he gave her the buckle of the seatbelt.

She nodded, guiding it across her body and pushing it in the lock until she heard the click.

“There you go.” He nodded, shutting the door and walking around the front of the car.

You sealed your lips as tears ran down your cheeks, tasting how salty your tears were. When Tom sat down, practically throwing himself into the car, your eyes met and you smiled at him. There was a sense of relief back in your lives at this moment, possibly a perfect one. As you glanced over your shoulder, Summer’s head was against the door and her eyes were heavy, but you reached your hand back to meet hers, holding it so tight that you never could think to let go again.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

tags/taglist: @felicityparkers @dhtomholland @duskholland @sinisterspidey​@itstaskeen​ @tomhollandsgirlfriend​ @bi-writes​ @infinite-imagination​ @honeyspidey​ @hollandcrush​ @sunsetholland​ @pparkersbitch​ @namoreno​ @calltothewild​ @spideyspeaches​ @veryholland​ @osterfieldshollandgirl​ @slutforsebstan @bi-lmg​ @sunshinepeterparkr​ @annathesillyfriend​ @madmadmilk​ @antigoneidk​ @hollandcreep​ @wierdflowerpower​  

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The Masks We Wear

Warnings: non-consent sex, depression, suicide, self-harm, drugging, overdose. If you don’t like any of these themes, do not keep reading. For real, it’s hidden under a keep reading link so you can check out now. Take care of yourselves, my dudes.

This is dark!Steve and explicit. 18+ only.

Synopsis: You find yourself at the end of your rope but someone unexpected picks up the other end.

Note: I wrote this for me and I won’t apologize for that. I love a sweet Steve that turns slowly. Heed the warnings.

Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

You stared at the number. The digits slowly punched into your phone glaring back at you. Your finger hovered over the icon that would connect the call. The screen blurred in your vision as the tears rose again.

Had it really come to this?

You had to call. You knew that. If you didn’t…

You hit call and raised the phone shakily to your ear. You hugged your legs as you sat on the floor against the side of the couch. You still wore your work uniform, a navy shirt and dark pants. You played with your name tag as you waited for the line to pick up.

"You have reached the National Crisis Lifeline. If you are in emotional distress or suicidal crisis or are concerned about someone who might be, we're here to help. Please remain on the line while we route your call to the nearest crisis center in our network." The automated voice recited the greeting as you unclipped the tag and set it on the arm of the couch behind your head. 

It wasn't too late to hang up. To suck it up. You could help yourself. You were an adult. So why was it that you couldn't put the phone down?

"Hello, my name's Steve. Who am I talking to today?" The voice was placid, calm. You were thankful not to be met with the usual, fake, chipper customer service voice.

"Uh," you uttered. You stared at the window across from you and blinked. "Um, um, um." 

"Take a breath," the voice was male; soothing. "Whenever you're ready."

You inhaled and closed your eyes. You bent your elbow over your knees and dropped your head. You said your name and sniffed. " I don't know why I called."

"We don't have to talk about why you called. We can just talk." He offered.

You cleared your throat and wiggled your nose as you felt more tears prick at your eyes. "I don't have much to talk about. I work, I come home, I sleep, rinse, repeat. Even when I have free time I got… nothing. No one."

"You don't have family?" He asked.

"Not that I talk to."

"Hmm, have you ever thought of reaching out to co-workers? You already spend hours with them."

"Most of them are kids. College freshman who'd rather do anything else than hang with me." You sat up and leaned your head against the couch. "I'm a thirty-year-old loser. I work retail and eat ramen for dinner. I may as well burn my degrees… maybe along with this damn box I live in."

He said your name, gently. "I want you to take another breath and then tell me three good things about your life. Just three. It can be something that happened today, it can be something you own, it can be something you like about yourself, or even something you can do tomorrow to look forward to."

You scoffed and shook your head. He repeated your name and you swallowed your resent.

"Alright," you took a breath, "I have a roof over my head." 

"Good."

"I… I made a woman happy today by finding her a gift for her daughter."

"Mhmm."

"And… and I still have some of my favourite tea left."

"Amazing. See?"

"I guess but… but these things are so small and it's always the same. Nothing ever changes. Nothing's going to change and nothing is going to get better."

"Change is small, like those things, so sometimes it's harder to see those changes."

You were silent. Tired. 

"I want to ask you something, okay? You don't have to answer if you're uncomfortable."

"Alright?" You shrugged.

"Have you ever hurt yourself or thought of hurting yourself?"

The question made you squirm. The tears finally broke through and trickled down your cheeks.

"Yes… but it's better than hurting someone else, isn't it?"

"No, because you're still hurting someone. In fact, you're hurting the most important person in your life. Right?"

You were quiet again. You wiped away your tears and leaned your chin in your hand. 

"Sure."

"I want you to do something for me. Actually for yourself, okay? I want you to go get some of that tea and make yourself a cup. Then I want you to drink it slow and enjoy it. Every last sip."

"What?" You snorted.

"I want you to make it a habit. Every day I want you to do one nice thing for yourself."

"It's just tea."

"What kind of tea is it?"

”It's this blueberry lemon stuff I found down at the market. Nothing special."

"That sounds delicious." He said. "Where are you right now? Are you sitting? Standing?"

"I'm sitting by my couch. On the floor."

”Alright, baby steps. Stand up.” 

You huffed but did as he said. "Okay?"

”Now, let's go to the kitchen.”

Again, you obliged him.

”Now, let's get the kettle on and a mug.”

”Alright," you grumbled and took out everything you needed as he listened from the other end, ”Alright, it's all good to go.”

”And what are you thinking about?”

"The tea?" You said dumbly.

"And? Anything else?"

"No. Just…"

"When you get frustrated with standing still, it's not about making big leaps. It's about the small things. So don't think about what's happened or what's going to happen. Think about what you can do now. Think about the present and what you can do to make it a little better for yourself.”

You frowned. He was making sense. You hadn't been worried about your wasted years in university or the angry customers on your horizon, you had been thinking about the tea and what mug to use. All that stuff didn't matter in that moment.

"You said you're Steve?” You asked.

”Yes,” he answered softly.

”Thank you. I… I'm sorry if I wasted your time."

"You didn't. You're not.” He assured you. ”We can keep talking if you like.”

"No, no, I think… I'll enjoy my tea and you can help someone else."

"Alright, but will you do me another favour?"

"Um, sure?" You watched the kettle, a long way from whistling.

"I work every Tuesday and Thursday after six. Will you call me next week? I'll give you my extension. Just let me know you're okay and how the tea was, okay?"

"I…” you rubbed your chin and turned to lean on the counter, "yeah, I'll call."

📞

You decided to call Steve on Tuesday. The same nerve-wracking wait before the line picked up and you quickly punched in the extension he gave you. There was a beep as you were held on call waiting and you fiddled with the edge of the notebook where you'd written down his information.

He picked up after two minutes. The same greeting as before. 

"It's me." You gave your name and winced as you wondered if he even remembered you.

"Hey," he said smoothly, "Good to hear from you. Did you have a tea today?

"Um, now, I just got home."

"Well, did you do anything nice for yourself?"

"...no." You admitted.

"Well, then go make a tea and tell me everything else you've done this week to be good to yourself."

"I…” you stood stiffly and went to the kitchen. "I haven't… I went to the park on my day off," You filled the kettle and put it on the stove, "But I've been working mostly."

"That's it?"

"I've been busy," you said.

"You don't have five minutes for you?" He asked doubtfully. "You gotta make the time. Even if it's just five minutes to sit down and clear your head."

You opened the cupboard and stared at the line of mugs, each one different than the last.

"Steve…" you said carefully, "What do you do when you're not doing… this?"

"Tell me what you do and I'll tell you." He countered.

You sighed and grabbed the mug shaped like a teddy bear. " I work at a clothes shop. I know, it's exciting."

"What kind of clothes do you sell?" He asked.

"I don't know… mostly, uh, business stuff." You placed the cup down and fished out the blueberry tea. "I sell clothes to people with more important jobs."

"Your job is important. You help people. You told me yourself last week. You know, I help people too. How we help isn't as important as the fact that we do help."

You rubbed your chin as you fingered the chip along the handle of the mug. "How exactly do you help people, then?"

"Well, I do this," He answered, "And I work security."

"Security? Like at a bank or something?"

"Or something," He replied, "So, did you just call to tell me you're okay or did you wanna talk about it?"

"I told you, not much changes." You muttered.

"It will once you take my advice. One thing a day. Got it?" He urged. "I want you to start by going to the market tomorrow and getting yourself a new flavour of tea."

"I gotta work," you bemoaned.

"Five minutes on your way home," he said, "we're not looking for the perfect tea, just something new. Then you call me and tell me if it's any good."

"I thought… I thought you didn't work Wednesdays."

"You're right," he chuckled as if he hadn't realised. "Tell you what, I'll give you my number and you text me. Every time you do something for you, let me know… and if you don't, I'll remind you. Deal?"

"I… I don't know." You picked at your nail as you held your phone between your shoulder and ear.

"One text a day. That's all." He said. "Wouldn't hurt to have someone on your side, would it?"

"I g-guess," You stuttered as you caught your phone before it could slip. "I'll get a pen."

📞

The texts were small at first. ���Had a tea’, ‘started a new book’, ‘read a chapter on my way to work’, or ‘bought a piece of cake on my lunch’. Each one seemed more absurd than the last but after a few weeks it became a habit. Steve nearly always responded quickly, just a few encouraging words but it made the days easier. It made life easier even when the big things got you down.

It was your day off. You took on a few extra hours the week before so you decided to go out for your treat that day. You went about your routine slowly, not your usual frantic I gotta catch the train pace. You preened yourself and pulled out a pair of pale jeans and a knit sweater. You tucked your feet into your comfy sneakers and headed out with your purse and headphones.

You would take a long walk through the park then sneak out the east gates to grab something special from the coffee place just across the street. Then you would head back and enjoy the scenery as you sipped at whatever overpriced concoction you settled on.

It was the early days of fall. The warm air was undercut with a cool breeze; an omen of the seasons to come. You put one earbud in and tucked your hands in your pocket as you walked along the winding path. The leaves were still green and lush and the air smelled of pollen. You stopped on the small bridge that crossed the small creek at the centre of the park.

You continued on and checked the time. It didn’t matter, you had the whole day to yourself. Like Steve said, think about now, not then, not later.

You came out onto the New York sidewalk and neared the curb. You looked both ways before dodging between the stagnant traffic and hopped up onto the pavement on the other side. You neared the short iron fence that edged the patio of the coffee shop and joined the queue of people as you looked over the menu.

Hmm, a rose-infused latte was different. You’d never thought of flowers in your tea but you never were overly creative. You ordered, the largest size despite your troublesome bladder, and waited for your turn to grab your cup from the ledge. It was busy that day and you hid against the wall to keep out of the way of others.

Your name was called and you grabbed your cup. You went to a table and slid your phone from your pocket. You snapped a frame of the drink and typed beneath it before you hit send. ‘Today’s little thing is actually a large :)’.

You pushed your phone back into your pocket and wove your wait to the exit. You were stopped as your name was called for a second time. You turned as a blonde haired man neared you. He was oddly familiar. Startlingly, actually. 

Steve Rogers was calling your name. Not such a strange sight in the city but you’d never chanced to see him beyond a television screen or magazine cover.

“Hey, what are the odds?” He showed you the phone in his hand; the picture of your drink stared back at you. “I never thought--” He smiled. “Oh, this is weird, isn’t it?”

“Steve?” Your eyes were round and your mouth fell open. “You’re… oh, wow, I…”

Someone else called his name and he peeked over his shoulder. “I’m up. Would you… would you wait for me?”

You nodded dumbly and watched him stride through the crowd to take his coffee from the counter. He gave a thanks and dropped a large tip into the jar. You watched in shock, barely stepping out of the way of another customer.

He passed through the opening of the fence and neared again. You snapped your mouth shut and swallowed. Your mouth was dry but the steam rising from the cup warned you it was too hot.

“How… how did you know it was me?” You asked.

“Well, I heard your name and then saw you with your phone and uh, well, the message was just confirmation of my suspicions, really.” He grinned. “Which way you heading?”

“Um, I came through the park,” You pointed across the street. “Probably not your neighbourhood.”

“I can make a detour,” He waved you towards the street and you hid behind a car as you waited to cross. 

He stepped out first and caught your hand before you could fall behind. He pulled you to the other side and you nearly stumbled onto the curb.

“Sorry,” he let go suddenly, “You know New York drivers.”

“No, it’s… fine,” You walked beside him as he neared the archway that fronted that end of the park. “I’m just… I’m gonna be honest I’m a bit shocked right now.”

“I know it’s weird and a bit… unethical. At the centre, we’re not supposed to associate with callers outside but… it’s all just a happy coincidence, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I, uh, suppose,” you lifted the cup and inhaled the sweet aroma of sugared petals, “but I’d hate to get you in trouble.”

“Nah, it’s fine, if you don’t tell, I won’t.”

“I… can delete your number.” You offered, “You didn’t have to--”

“Oh, don’t worry about it.” He eschewed, “It’s fine. I just… you didn’t seem to like calling the hotline but I didn’t want you to get lost in the shuffle.”

You chewed your lip and played with the strap of your purse. You let out a breath, heavy and anxious. You’d never expected to meet Steve. More so, you didn’t expect him to be THE Steve Rogers. You had spilled out your ridiculous insecurities to him. God, he must have thought you were so pathetic.

“I’m fine,” you said, “I would’ve… been fine. I was just in a bad spot.”

“So…” He walked close to you. His cologne smelled of sandalwood. “How’s work?”

“It’s work,” you shrugged, “Wait, you said you did security. Jesus!”

“Well, I do, in a sense,” he chuckled, “You know they really don’t encourage me telling people I’m an avenger at the centre. It kinda shifts the attention in the wrong direction.”

“Hmm, I guess it would,” you muttered, “Well, thank you, for all your help. Really, you have helped.”

“I never expected… I don’t know what I expected,” he went on, “how I pictured you. I just didn’t-- Not that-- I don’t mean...” 

He shut up and cringed. He looked around at the trees and let out a sigh.

“You’re right, this isn’t a little thing,” he mused, “it’s beautiful out here.”

“Yeah,” you said rigidly and raised your cup to your lips and tasted the foam, “I guess I’m just happy it isn’t raining on my day off.”

📞

Steve walked you to the other side of the park and you left him there. You finished your latte in the block before your apartment. You were still shaken from the meeting. The chance of such an encounter was so vast you hadn’t even thought of it. You had built yourself up to talk to a stranger on the phone and leave it at that, not to face him and your problems all in one. You were embarrassed despite Steve’s friendliness. You couldn’t help but feel the taint of pity.

You tried to leave your shame on the street. You went up to your apartment and slid the chain into place. You turned on some music and did your leftover dishes, a sense of accomplishment as you wiped down the counters afterward. The rest of the day was yours to do with as you wished. But you were restless. The feeling that made you want to pace and chew your nails.

You flipped on the television and opened your phone to stream some mindless video from Youtube. You settled on a compilation of clips from a reality show and slumped onto the couch. As you laid back, your phone shook your hand and a notification flashed across the top.

‘Hope you got home safe.’ Steve’s message disappeared just as you read it. You pulled down the status bar and hit the bubble to open the chat.

‘I did. Thanks. Funny running into you. Hope the rest of your day is good.’ The message was clunky and awkward. The whole thing was weird and you just wanted to forget about the run-in.

‘So what else are you doing on your day off?’ His next message made your phone buzz and you blinked at it. He never really said much in return, just things like ‘that’s awesome’ or a few emojis. You thought of how excited he had been to see you. You were sure he talked to hundreds of people so why?

‘Watching TV’, you answered and put your phone down on your stomach. You tried to focus on the television but your phone rattled again.

‘I don’t want to overstep but can I ask you something?’ You were on edge as you read the message three times over.

‘Okay.’

‘You think you might want to get coffee again next week?’

You hesitated. Was he asking you out? No, that couldn’t be it. Was he merely checking in to make himself feel better? That was a better explanation. Believable. You let the screen turn black and thought. You could say no. Probably should.

You unlocked the phone as you heart pumped in your chest. It was Steve Rogers. What harm was there in saying yes? Maybe, for once, you would actually make a friend.

📞

You met at the same coffee shop. This time you sat down and got a scone with your tea. Steve got a coffee and nothing else. It seemed an afterthought as he only watched you pick at the crumbly dessert.

“Are you okay?” He asked as you sipped from your tea.

“Yeah, just… I’m sorry, I’m just a quiet person.” You shied away. 

“That’s fine,” he said, “I understand, you don’t talk to many people outside work.”

You frowned and sat back. He was right but it didn’t make the truth easier to hear. You nodded and shrugged.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way. I guess I have the same problem, you know. I spend most of my time with my team members or talking to the press.” He rested his hand around his mug. “It’s nice to have someone who isn’t tied up in all of that.”

“I mean… I’m just… me.” You ran your nail down the side of your cup. 

“And? I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. I think you’re too hard on yourself.” He insisted.

“Well, you barely know me,” you countered.

“I don’t? How many people know about the dark times? How many people do you let know?” He asked.

“It’s not… it’s not their business.” You crumpled the napkin and tossed it on the empty plate.

“It might help if you opened up more. You said you were lonely--”

“I was having a bad day,” You snapped. “Steve, I don’t… I didn’t come here to talk about all of that.”

“Then why did you come?”

“Because you asked me to.”

“And why do you think I asked you?”

You shrugged and crossed your arms.

“I asked you because I see what you can’t.” He said evenly. “You’re kind, you’re smart, you’re beautiful to be completely honest, and you won’t let yourself see it because the world hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows for you.”

“I-- I--” You sputtered and looked around. “No.” You stood and gathered up your dishes. “I gotta go.”

“You’re doing it right now,” He stood too and blocked your way, “Trying to run from the little bit of good.”

“I don’t know you. The only reason we ever met is because I was going to--” You gulped, unable to force the words out. “I think this was a mistake.”

You pushed past him and planted your dishes on the counter. You stormed out as Steve followed and the door jingled behind you. He trailed you across the patio and onto the sidewalk. He caught your arm and pulled you back.

“I’m trying to help you,” he hissed.

“I don’t need you to save me, Captain,” You yanked your arm away. “I’m not one of your missions.”

His brows drew together and his lips turned down. He had never looked anything but happy, neutral at worst.

“Fine, go,” He threw up his hand, “But I’ll be around if you need me. When you need me.”

You spun and stomped away from him. You were humiliated, assured of your worst suspicions. You were a pet project to him. He was trying to fix you. Another rescue mission for the First Avenger. Next time, you would listen to your gut and say no.

📞

Work. Again. It was dead and Marcy, your manager had you dusting the racks for the fifth time that day. You dragged the duster over the already shining rod that held hangers of dress shirts. You felt your phone vibrate and ignored it. Likely just another reminder to claim your daily prize in that stupid word game.

You kept on as you were, staring out the windows of the store front onto the shining street. Your phone buzzed again and you peeked over at Marcy. She was reading one of her novellas behind the large counter. She never hid it very well but really didn’t seem to care either.

You slid your phone out and moved onto the next rack. It had been over a week since Steve had messaged you. He had tried several times after the tense coffee date but had given up at your silence.

‘How are you?’ He asked as if you hadn’t been ignoring him. You pushed the phone back in your pocket and it vibrated for a third time. You should just block him already. You took it back out and ready the next message. ‘I know you’re working but you can answer me.’

You squeezed the phone and blacked the screen. You put it away and returned to your futile dusting. The door opened as you neared it and you stopped short as one of the only customers of the day stepped inside. You gaped as Steve looked around with a grin.

You heard Marcy clear her throat and you looked over at her. You shifted on your feet and lowered the duster.

“Hello, sir. Welcome to Silkz, how can I help you today?” Your throat was tight as he focused on you.

“You know, I need a gift for… a friend but she’s a bit hard to please.” He said. 

“Oh,” Your lip twitched as you tried to smile. Marcy was always nagging you for your resting bitch face. “Well, what were you thinking, sir? A scarf? Some jewelry?”

“Maybe a dress. I always tell her she needs to change things up and I think it would be a good switch up.” He replied and stepped a little closer.

“Over here,” You said abruptly and backed up as you waved to the wall behind you. “This is our new collection. Lots of reds this fall.”

You glanced at Marcy as she smiled primly and her eyes fell back to her tale of romance. Steve followed you closely as you touched a long-sleeved burgundy dress with a pleated skirt.

“This should be plain enough that it should fit anyone’s taste. Of course without being too plain.” You offered. “Did you know what size you would need?”

“Oh, she’s about your size,” Steve said, “And I was thinking something less… well something with more skin.”

You nearly tripped over your own feet as you tried to keep your distance from him and found a dress in a lighter shade of red with cutouts at the sides and a slimmer silhouette. You grabbed it and held it almost like a shield. He barely even looked at it.

“I’m sure it will look wonderful on her,” he remarked, “Can you show me the jewelry? I might get her something to go with it.”

The jewelry stand was in the other corner. Far from Marcy as she kept to one side of the counter and hunched over her book. You rounded a table of folded slacks and led him to the rack. He followed and stopped beside you as he took a necklace with a feather ornament and pretended to look at it.

“You haven’t been answering me,” he said under his breath.

“Yeah, might be a hint,” you retorted, “what are you doing here?”

“Checking in. Making sure you’re okay… since no one else knows how you can get.”

“Do you realise how fucked up this is?” You hissed. “I… You can’t bring those things up.”

“You won’t. You can’t outrun it forever. I see it in you. You told me yourself. You’re desperate for a change.” He hung the necklace again. “I can change everything for you.”

“What do you want?”

He looked down and took a bracelet from the rack; a silver band with a red rose ornament. He held it out to you. “I want a change too.”

You took the bracelet and backed away with the dress folded over your arm. “Is that everything?” You said loudly.

“For now,” he answered as he kept close and you kept away by rounding the other side of the counter, “I think she’ll love it… it’ll look great on her.”

“I’m sure it will,” you said as you scanned the items. “How are you paying, sir?”

📞

The rest of your day dragged by. There were no distractions to keep you from thinking of your run in with Steve. It was as if he had flipped a switch. No long the cheerful, concerned man, there was something sinister behind his otherwise caring words. The way he’d watched you, followed you so closely, the mere tone of his voice. He was angry and you couldn’t help but feel you had asked for it.

You left reluctantly as Marcy locked up. You caught the train, watching over your shoulder. You had never told Steve where exactly you worked, you realised as you swayed with the movement of the subway. There were dozens of clothing stores in the city, how had found yours?

You got off and climbed the steps to your apartment. Would it be too much to file a report? He hadn’t done anything but bought some merchandise from the store you happened to work in. But he had offered his number to a caller at the centre and he had pursued her beyond that. Yet, you had agreed to it all.

You were, as ever, so stupid.

You stepped off at your floor and your hands fumbled with your keys. You couldn’t calm down. There was something so off about all of it. Steve showing up, the way he spoke to you, the way he looked at you. You pushed inside and swung the door shut before you could process what awaited you within.

Steve leaned against the back of your couch, arms crossed, as he watched you expectantly. Your hand lingered on the door and he shoved himself away from the sofa. He tutted his warning.

“You won’t make it down the hall but I don’t mind a chase.” He sneered. “You’ve already taken me on one, haven’t you?”

“I don’t--Steve… whatever it is you think…”

“I think I’ve only tried to help you. I think you just like to be the way you are. Low, sad, pathetic.  I can make you more.” He neared and you pressed yourself to the door. “I will make you more. I will make you happy.”

“Please,” you whimpered as he took your purse from you and placed it on the table beside the door.

“Shhh,” he ran his fingers along your cheek, “You know what they always told us at the crisis center; you gotta hit bottom before you can lift yourself up.”

You shuddered as he dragged his thumb across your lip.

“This is your bottom, sweetie.” His hand dropped to your shoulder and ran down your arm. He took your hand and pulled you away from the door.

He led you around the couch and sat, taking you with him. You tugged against his grasp and he squeezed your hand painfully.

“Sweetie, I just got us a nice bottle of wine.” He smiled. “Take a breath, have a glass, relax. We’re going to figure this all out. Together.”

Your lip trembled as your thoughts bloomed all once; the confusion, the fear, the despair bubbled up and left you speechless. He replaced his hand with a glass of wine and held your fingers around it. He let go gently and you held onto the glass if only to keep from falling apart entirely.

“Go on, have a drink.” He urged.

You looked at the dark red alcohol. You were never much of a drinker. Your father had been a lush. Your heart sank as you found it impossible to move. He pressed two fingers to the base and pushed it up until the rim was at your lips. You drank and he tipped the glass until you emptied it. When he let you lower it, you were dizzy and your stomach burned.

You placed the glass down and fell back against the couch. You touched your hot cheeks and he leaned in as he watched you. “The alcohol will add to the effect but I’ll call someone before it’s too late.”

“Effect? What?” You touched your forehead and your lashes fluttered. You tried to breathe away the wine but the spinning only got worse. “What did you do?”

Your vision was blurry as you looked over at him. He put his phone to his ear as his other hand rested on your thigh. “Hello? Yes, I need- I need help.” His voice was frantic, perfectly believable. “My girlfriend, she-- she’s passed out. I found her on the floor… I think she took something. Please, I can’t get her to wake up.”

He played the part so well you even believed him as you were drawn deeper and deeper into the void. Your eyes rolled back as you heard him give your address and you slumped against the arm of the couch. Your limbs were heavy, your head heavier. You couldn’t resist the warmth that surrounded you.

📞

You woke up to steady beeping. The sterile smell of the hospital made your nostrils dry and you groaned as you fought to open your eyes. Your entire being hurt; inside and out. The bright lights made your head throb and a figure beside you moved closer. Your vision cleared slowly as you looked at Steve and he took your hand in his.

“I’ll get the nurse, sweetie,” He said. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“Wha-- St--” Your tongue felt thick in your mouth.

He left you and returned with a woman in green scrubs. She made a note on your chart and looked at the machines you were attached to. She was gone just as quickly and left you with Steve who once more clung to your hand.

“I’m here for you, sweetie. We’ll get through this together?”

“What… what did…” You mumbled, “what did you do?”

“I saved you,” he rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb.

“Alright,” The doctor swept through the open door, “Now, it’s good to see you stable, miss. That was a close one.”

“I--” You blinked as you tried to pull your hand from Steve’s but were too weak to do more than moan.

“We’ve managed to flush the drugs out of your system and your vitals have returned to normal. It is hospital policy to keep you under surveillance for three days but given Mr. Rogers’ crisis training and reputation, we feel it in everyone’s interest to release you to him.” The doctor explained. “We’ve explained to him the precautions to be taken and you should be confident in your safety under his care. Furthermore, we will have you return for some counselling when you are up to it. Again, you must already be aware that Mr. Rogers is also capable in that aspect.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Steve said as you stared.

“Please,” You said weakly.

“Remember, Mr. Rogers, your check-ins. Every four hours.” The doctor took a paper from his clipboard and handed it to Steve. “She’s lucky to have you.”

The doctor left and you watched helplessly. How could they release you to this stranger? How could they not keep you under their own supervision? Were you just another bed to be freed up? 

You grumbled as you tried to sit up and only did so as Steve helped you.

“I’ll get a chair and then we can get you dressed, sweetie,” he said, “you’ll be safe with me.”

📞

The world passed by you as you watched it through a haze. You couldn’t seem to break through the frosted window before you. Steve moved you from the hospital to his car to his building to his bed. You barely recalled any of it as you reclined against the fluffy pillow. You were trapped in a limbo; never quite awake and never quite asleep.

And then you were painfully conscious.

Steve was beside you. The room was yellow with soft sunlight. You felt lighter but not free. A thick arm slung across your middle and he drew you close. He rolled you against him and you pushed against his chest as you faced him. His blue eyes were on you, deep and dusky.

“I called your work. Let them know you were on an indefinite leave.” He bent his arm behind you as he hugged you to him. “Permanent if you want.”

“Steve, what are you doing?” You breathed.

“Changing your life. That’s what you wanted,” he brushed his nose against yours, “you don’t have to work. You can stay here and find your happiness. With me.”

“No, please, Steve…”

“You said you were lonely, you hate your job, that you’re running out of time,” his breath glossed over your lips, “I can fix all that.”

He lifted his head slightly and kissed you. You curled your fingers and clawed his shoulder. He rolled you onto your back as his tongue poked at your lips. You resisted but he was persistent. You let him in and moaned around the intrusion.

He pulled away and framed your face with his hand as he gazed into your eyes. “I meant it when I said you were beautiful,” he purred, “The moment I saw you, even the moment I heard your voice, I knew I needed you. I knew I was the only one who could make you happy.”

“Steve, you don’t know me…” You pushed against him. “You don’t even know me.”

“No one does because you won’t let them,” he traced your hairline with his fingers, “But I’m not going to give up. Ever.”

His hand closed around your chin and he kissed you again. He rocked his body against yours. You wore only a tee shirt and nothing else, the cotton thin between your bodies; his entirely naked, you realised.

His hand slid further down as his lips moved against yours. He pushed his hand beneath your shirt and groped your chest with a hum. You winced and sank your head deep into the pillow as you tried to turn away from him. He circled your nipple with his thumb as his cock twitched against your thigh.

He forced his knee between yours and you gasped as you ripped your lips away from his.

“Steve, what are you-- please.” You begged.

“I just want to love you,” He murmured, “You deserve to be loved.”

His hand crawled down your stomach and nestled between your legs. You flinched and your thighs tensed against him. You wriggled and crashed his lips into yours again. You tried to pull his hand away from you but he was too strong. You suffocated beneath him and against his will.

His fingers slipped along your cunt. It had been more than a year since you’d been touched. It was intoxicating despite your reticence. You shook and as his fingers flicked over your clit and you gasped into his mouth. He rubbed you until your arousal slicked his touch and you grabbed his arm as a tickle spread down your legs.

He turned his hand and pushed his fingers inside of you. He bent them and pressed his hand to your bud. He parted from your lips and rested his cheek against yours. He rocked his hand and the pressure inside of you mounted in his grip. You arched your back and bent your legs around him. You couldn’t resist the sudden flutter deep in your core.

You slapped your hand against his neck and  your fingers curved against his skin. You gulped at air as your orgasm rose against your will. Your muscles tightened all at once and the pleasure flooded from you suddenly. You drowned in it and let it carry you away.

Slowly, he removed his hand, leaving a trail over your stomach as he pushed your shirt up. He shifted and his cock prodded your pussy. He prodded your entrance and lined himself up he cupped your breast. He pushed inside a little at a time. Your nails sank deeper into his flesh and your other hand went to his shoulder.

He pushed himself to his limit. You had never felt so full. He tilted his hips and you moaned. You turned your head back and forth as he began to thrust; carefully, decisively. Each time, your voice grew louder. 

He caught your chin and kissed you. He planted kisses along your cheek and down your neck as he continued to rock into you. His pace built, little by little, and the bed quaked beneath your bodies. Your hands fell to the pillow and you clenched it as your body melded with his. 

You forgot all that had brought you there, the worries that hung over you endlessly, the fears, the doubts. You whined as another orgasm burst within you and you squirming beneath Steve. He grunted as he sped up, fueled by your cries, and pushed himself up as his hips moved against you.

He stared into your eyes as his sweaty blonde hair fell forward and his square jaw clenched. He saw back as he grabbed your hips and tilted you against him. He snarled and his motion turned stunted and strained. He growled through his teeth as he came, his nails cut into your flesh and he filled you with cords of hot cum. 

He stilled you and let out a long breath as his shoulder curled forward and he hung his head. He squeezed your hips and caressed your thighs. He lowered himself over you and turned onto his side, keeping you against him as he lingered inside of you.

“I’m happy,” he uttered, “Are you?”

Your lashes fluttered as hot tears rose in your eyes. As reality sunk in like concrete and you stared over his shoulder at the wall. You were numb yet your heart swelled in terror. You nodded as a tear leaked from the corner of your eye.

“Yes,” you lied.

[helaintoloki]

Odds and Ends

pairing: Ben Hargreeves x reader, Five Hargreeves x reader

warnings: angst, some fluff, mentions of blood, death, unrequited love

notes: listen, the pairings sound odd but they make sense when you read it i promise

prompt: “There’s a time for us, it’s just not now.”

They say when you die your life flashes before your eyes; you witness the moment of your birth from an outsider’s perspective, you revisit your first steps and your first love, you remember the quiet nights of rainfall on the windows and the smell of freshly cut grass on early school morning’s. You can recall how it felt to get your heart broken for the first time and the warmth you felt wrapped in your mother’s embrace. It is quick and long all at once, like watching a movie, except everyone fails to mention what happens once the credits begin to roll. Where do you go? What do you see? What do you do?

You’d been the first to get struck by the Handler’s gunfire, a bullet flying straight through your chest and embedding itself in your heart. You died almost instantly, and despite the pure horror that struck Five at the sight of your gruesome death he could do nothing to save you as he too crumpled to the ground. It was a split second of pain, and then you were gone.

Just as you had been promised, flashes of the life you had lived pass you by with the same quick clicks of a slideshow presentation on a projector. You could see yourself nestled in your mother’s arms, the swaddle of blankets encompassing your figure shielding you from the outside world. You watched your younger self shyly display your powers to a stoic Reginald Hargreeves, seven heads curiously peeking through the crack of the door to get a look at the team’s newest edition while your mother watched on anxiously. You saw the way in which you napped upon Five’s shoulder, the rainfall pattering gently against the window as he read the pages of his favorite novel, and you relived the sadness that came over you at his disappearance. You witnessed the quiet nights of stargazing alongside Ben, experienced your first kiss again and your first time falling in love only for it to end in bloodshed and a snowy funeral with tearful apologies and guilt ridden thoughts. Everything you’d ever lived through plays out in front of you right until the final gunshot, and then everything around you goes dark. There is nothing.

You’re not sure how long you sit in the empty space where life ends and the afterlife begins, but soon enough you find yourself wandering through the doorway that suddenly presents itself to you. There are no clues as to where it might lead, but light bleeds through the cracks and beckons you to step forward before you can change your mind. You’re overwhelmed by the warmth that surrounds you the moment you step foot inside, and it takes you a moment to adjust before you can fully comprehend where you are.

The room you stand in is quiet, sunlight filtering through blinds and coating the cream colored walls in golden hues. Colorful houseplants line the shelves and photo frames fill in the empty spaces— moments from different points of time occupy the frames, stolen glances and hidden kisses and dreamy smiles. You gravitate towards the photo next to the succulent plant and gingerly pull it from the shelf: it’s a photo of you and Ben as children, and with a watery smile you bring the picture close to your chest and clutch it tightly against your heart.

“I thought you’d like it,” a voice says gently, your whole body stiffening in surprise at the sound. A single tear slides down your cheek before you can will yourself to turn around, and you nearly drop the frame at the sight before you. He’s different than you remember him, but he still has the same kind eyes and gentle smile that you missed ever so dearly. His eyes seem to sparkle at the sight of you, welling with tears as he opens his arms to you. “Hi, y/n.”

“Ben,” you whisper in a trembling voice, a choked sob escaping you as you fling yourself into his arms and hug him impossibly tight. You can feel the warmth that radiates from him almost as if he were alive, can sense the way his arms wrap themselves around your waist and squeeze you unbearably close to his chest, and you can savor the sensation of his plush lips pressing against your forehead in a tender kiss.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispers, afraid that if he raises his voice any higher he’ll disrupt the peaceful quiet you find yourselves in. “I didn’t expect you so soon.”

“I didn’t either,” you admit with a weak smile. Chills crawl down your spine as you’re reminded of your own death, but you push the thoughts away in order to make room for Ben. After all these years, you’ve finally been reunited with the love of your life, and if you’re being honest you aren’t quite sure how to act. It almost doesn’t feel real, and a small part of you is afraid of waking up and finding that it was nothing but a dream. Ben pulls your attention towards him with the careful guidance of his finger underneath your chin, his reassuring features calming your nerves.

“You’re not dreaming,” he promises you. “This is real, you’re home.”

“I’m home,” you reiterate with a tearful smile before carefully cupping his face in your hands. “I’m home.”

(Five’s body tremors in time with his breathless panting as he struggles to fight against the heaviness of his eyelids. His body is warm and cold all at once with the blood that slowly pools around his figure, and he uses some of the last remaining strength he has to turn his head and look upon your body. You lie lifeless and still, hair splayed around your head like a halo and crimson red seeping through your clothing, and a shuddering breath leaves him at the sight. His first love, his only love, the one that could have been had he not gone against his father’s wishes all those years ago, is dead, and it seemed he could do nothing to stop it. Soon he would join her along with the rest of his siblings in the quiet afterlife, and so would come the final end of the Umbrella Academy.)

“I’m so sorry about what happened to you, Ben. You were so young, you didn’t deserve it, and if I had just-”

“Hey,” he interrupts gently, “it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.”

“But being alone for this long...”

“I’ll admit, it wasn’t exactly a walk in the park,” Ben says with a faint chuckle, “but I’m okay now, we’re okay, and I don’t have to be alone anymore.”

“I missed you,” you profess vehemently. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he says with a careful smile, one that slowly begins to dwindle with time.

“Ben?” You prod gently. “What is it?”

(All Five had ever wanted was to keep you safe, whether it be from a scraped knee after a bout of rough housing with Diego or the end of the world, it was his job. You’d fallen in love with his brother in the wake of his absence, something Five could never blame you for no matter how much it hurt, and it was through Vanya’s book that he got a glimpse of the life you had lived without him. Your secret romance with the Horror, your descent into loneliness and isolation after his passing, your work as a nurse under the guise of a fake name so that you could use your gift without anyone ever associating you with the life you had lived as a child. You didn’t want it, and he’s sure you didn’t want this— to die such a horrible death at such a young age when you still had your whole life ahead of you. Five had lived long enough to see what the world had to offer, if he were to die now he’d have all the boxes checked on his list, but you and his siblings still had so much to live for and so many things left to do.

“I just want you to be careful,” your voice echoed in his mind, young and naive and apprehensive about Five’s plan to travel without Reginald’s permission. “Be smart about this, smarter than you usually are, and make sure you come back home.”

“You’re the genius who said we should jump. Right?” Luther. “You’re the one who got us stuck here.”

“Start small.” The voice of his father. “Seconds, not decades.”

Wait a minute, that’s it! By god, that’s it!)

“You can’t stay.”

“W-What? I don’t understand, what do you mean I can’t say?” You sputter, taken back by Ben’s blunt declaration. You were dead, where else could you go, what else could you do besides spend the rest of eternity with the love of your life?

“You can’t stay,” Ben repeats solemnly. “You can’t die yet, it’s not your time.”

“But I am dead! A bullet literally went through my heart, I don’t think you can exactly come back from that,” you protest anxiously.

“I can’t explain it, but trust me when I say that it isn’t time for you yet,” Ben pleads, gently taking your trembling hands in his own and giving them a soft squeeze. “You still have so much to do in life, so many great things. You’re going to get married, you’re going to settle down in a nice little house with cute little kids running around the place, and you’re going to be happy. So happy. But you can’t do that here, so you have to go.”

“Ben, please,” you beg through a sob. “Please, I want to stay here with you. Don’t make me go back, don’t make me leave you, I can’t.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Ben shushes gently as he cups your face in his hands and brushes away your falling tears. “Hey, it’s okay. Y/n, I promise you we’ll see each other again, okay? I promise.”

“But I just got you back,” you croak, and Ben can only offer you a trembling smile in return.

“There’s a time for us,” he reassures you, “it’s just not now.”

Ceaseless tears fall down your cheeks as you collapse into his arms, your hands clutching tightly at the fabric of his sweater the same way in which a small child would clutch at their favorite blanket. Ben is warm and safe, he is home, and your heart aches at the thought of having to say goodbye a second time— you could hardly handle the first. You had been inconsolable, your sobs had been gut wrenching for the rest of team, and if not for Allison urging you to eat and take care of yourself you might not have ever recovered from your grief. The universe was unfair and unkind, taking the person you loved away from you not once but twice, and despite how strong you wanted to be for Ben you couldn’t help but feel defeated.

“Will you kiss me while there’s still time left?” You snivel, holding on tightly to Ben’s wrist as he reaches up to cup your face and caress your cheek with his thumb. He smiles, sweet and tender, and pulls you close.

“I’ve waited seventeen years to kiss you again,” Ben professes, and without a second to waste he pulls you in close and presses his lips against your own in a long awaited kiss.

(Time is reversing. Five can feel the blood slowly seeping back into his body, bullet wounds seem to heal themselves and the corpses of his loved ones are beginning to reanimate as everything becomes undone. The pain is nearly gone, and it’s with a newfound determination that Five wills himself back onto his feet and travels back seconds in time to prevent their deaths, to prevent your death.)

You can feel yourself slipping away from him, you’re losing your grip, and despite how desperately you try to cling to him your touch is beginning to fade. Ben can faintly feel your lips against his own and knows that it’s time, but he holds onto you for just a little longer until he can’t feel you in his arms anymore. He pulls away with a bittersweet smile and releases you from his hold, eyes gazing at you for the last time.

“You get a second chance,” he says. “Make the most of it, and don’t worry about me. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

(With a startled gasp Five finds himself back in time just moments before your deaths. Your eyes meet his his frenzied ones and you frown, gently reaching out to him.

“Five? Is everything okay?”

He doesn’t get the chance to answer before he’s disarming the Handler of her firearm, and it’s with that single act of defiance that your death is finally reversed.)

You don’t remember your death and you don’t remember your reunion with Ben. You’re none the wiser, and Five wants to keep it that way. With the Handler dead and the threat of the Swedes gone your life is no longer in danger, and he finally feels like he can breath again.

“You okay?” Your voice sounds gently, pulling the boy back to reality. He gazes upon your figure, wisps of stray hair straying from your braid and a questioning though kind smile on your face, and a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding leaves his lips at the sight of you. You don’t return his affections and you’ll never be together, but he can live with that so long as you’re safe and sound.

“Never been better,” he replies with a closed lip smile. You catch the boy off guard by pulling him into your side and giving his shoulder a tight squeeze, an act of affection only you can get away with, and after a moment has passed you release him with a small giggle.

“Come on,” you gesture as you begin to follow Vanya and the others, “we still have work to do.”

He walks beside you in a comfortable silence, and though he doesn’t know it there’s a faint voice that echoes distantly in your mind, one you can’t place but find soothing nonetheless.

“There’s a time for us.”

And there will be, but for now you’ll just have to wait and see.

[avengers-age-of-fanfics]

just for you, honeybee (6/?)

pairing: steve rogers x reader (platonic), natasha romanoff x reader (platonic), bruce banner x reader (y/n is a big fan of his), tony stark x reader, bucky barnes x reader

warnings: mention of bucky, fighting, training, mention of guns, takes place during The Avengers

words: 3,359

a/n: part 6! i honestly don't know how long this series will be, but i think i may end it at either endgame or TFATWS. so basically going through all the movies lmao, but skipping over a few. i just want honeybee and bucky to be happy but gotta add some angst.

Transitioning into a new world, the year of 2011, was no easy feat, and you appreciated Director Fury being somewhat patient and honest about how much has changed. Him, and apparently one of your biggest ‘fans,’ Phil Coulson, have been the most helpful with your adjustment, teaching you all about the new technology and supplying you with a new phone, courtesy of S.H.I.E.L.D.

However, along the way, were a few speedbumps. You and Steve trained consistently in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s gym, almost leaving no room for sleep or taking proper care of yourselves. You both knew it was terrible, you should be looking out for one another, but the loss and confusion overran your needs to live a normal life. However, over time, he seemed to adjust better than you, as expected. Even though Steve had only been awake a few months before you, he jumped right back into the new world.

For you and Steve, the both of you had seen Bucky a few weeks ago; you had seen Steve a few minutes ago, from the time you had woken up. To everyone else in the world, including Steve, however, that was history, a moment written in textbooks ages ago; and for Captain Rogers, that moment was months ago.

In your mind, you deserved to release your anger out on some punching bags.

It had taken Director Fury and Agent Coulson a while until they shared the news to you and Steve, that Peggy was alive. They had claimed that since they found Steve, high hopes were in store for finding you, hence saving off on telling him beforehand. Steve had immediately wanted to see her but you hesitated; what would Peggy say to the both of you? How would she react to you both being alive? No matter, Steve had begged you to come along to visit Peg and you caved, giving him some time with her before he called you in.

Peggy’s eyes lit up, “y/n, you’re alive! Sweetheart…”

You smiled, pulling up a chair next to her, “hey, Peggy. How’s the strongest woman alive doin’?”

She sighed, grasping your hand, “better…much better. Howard never stopped looking for you, the both of you. He’d be so happy to see you.”

You sucked in a breath as her eyes turned glossy, “we know, Pegs. We know.”

She held back her tears as she continued, “he had a son, Anthony; just as stubborn but smart as Howard. You’d love him.”

Steve chuckled, “sounds like a handful.”

Peggy laughed before falling into a coughing fit, turning away for a few seconds. After regaining her breath, she turned towards you and Steve, “Steve! Y/N! You – you’re both alive; you came back!”

Steve gave a sad smile as your face fell, “yeah, Peggy, we did…”

Steve’s eyes teared up, “I couldn’t leave my best girl; not when she owes me a dance.”

Over time, the visits to Peggy became too much and you needed to rest. So, with little convincing to Director Fury, you found yourself in a small cabin in Bozeman, Montana, with frequent visits by both Coulson and your new female friend, Natasha Romanoff. At first, you hated the idea of someone visiting you during your time to reflect, but once you realized that she wanted to help you train and become used to your super serum abilities, you appreciated the company.

You barely had any time to adjust to your newfound strength, among other things, and you slowly became grateful that Natasha had joined you over the course of a few months. Sure, sometimes she was so nosy and bossy, waking you up in the ungodly hours of the morning to train, but she had slowly become one of your closest friends.

Honestly, some days it felt as if you just met Natasha the day before:

You stood in Fury’s office, arms crossed, as he stood adjacent to you, Coulson awkwardly standing beside him. “Why are you sending a babysitter to a place where I am supposed to be, oh, I don’t know, relaxing? Reflecting?”

Director Fury grumbled for the umpteenth time, “because, Agent L/N, you never know when the day will come where we will need you and Rogers, along with your special abilities. You are unskilled in hand-in-hand combat, among other areas in defense, and it’d be nice to enhance our agents.”

You uncrossed your arms, still very pissed off, “I don’t want them to visit me every day. That’s my one condition. I need time, Nick; I feel like I haven’t properly…taken everything in. I just want time to myself.”

Phil spoke up beside Fury, “and we respect that, Y/N, we truly do. But we hope you also see where we are coming from. Natasha Romanoff is very skilled in her profession and understands your situation – you’re in good hands.”

“Phil, you’re making me blush,” a female monotonous voice spoke.

Whipping your head around, you were met with a beautiful redhead who definitely seemed like an Agent, someone who meant all business. You’d learn later on that was just a façade.

“I- Y/N L/N, you must be Agent Romanoff,” you said, holding out your hand.

Natasha grinned, shaking your hand in hers, “just call me Nat, Agent sounds too formal. I look forward to seeing what that super soldier serum truly did to you.”

Apparently, not too much as she continuously kicked your ass in combat.

Training with Natasha was, well, with your lack of combat, embarrassing. You had your ass handed to you so many times, it was a bit pathetic – but she always told you that you were improving. You used your heightened senses to your advantage, listening to her footsteps and figuring out what move she intended to use next. You hesitated to use your strength at first, but with continued training, you knew Nat could handle it.

With Nat, you also became very skilled in shooting handguns, rifles, the whole nine. Your aim was impeccable and target training was becoming a breeze. The thought of shooting someone terrified you at first, but when Nat reminded you that hesitation could get you killed, you understood – there was no room for mistakes.

During your stay in Montana, you kept in touch with Steve, but only through short texts. He was not thrilled with you leaving him, but he understood where you were coming from; you needed to mourn but also keep busy, careful to not fall into a dark abyss. Fury kept you updated, telling you that he had pushed himself into training continuously and visiting Peggy all he could. You knew seeing Peg was doing Steve no good whatsoever, and your heart ached...but at least he got to see his long love.

Nat had been there when Bucky’s birthday passed, holding you as you cried, unable to leave your bed the day of and a few after. She held you as you yelled at the sky for taking away the most important person in your life, leaving you so alone. She knew you had Steve, but it wasn’t the same – you needed Bucky. But she also knew by letting you cry, your emotions out of your body, you’d feel so much more at peace.

And she was right.

Natasha also told you about Howard's son, Anthony, and from what you saw on the news, that was definitely Howard's kid. Tony was arrogant, self-absorbed, but did what he thought was right. After his declaration of being Iron Man, you followed Tony all over the internet, but hearing first hand from Natasha of the man that Tony was...Howard would be proud. You wished to meet him, you did, but something pulled at your heart, telling you that Tony probably hated you for taking his dad from him, forcing Howard to become obsessed with finding you and Steve and thus, costing him his life.

Natasha told you he might see you in that light, yes, but if you ever got to know Tony, he'd warm up.

You weren’t healed and you still weren’t okay, but you were…better. You hated whatever being there was in the sky for taking your James, but you came to terms with it. But the one thing you were so resentful about was the fact that there was no body, no funeral for him.

Becca hated that, too.

You had visited her in her old age, just like Peggy, and the two of you held hands as you talked about James and Steve – your boys. She had missed you so much, just like she missed Jamie, and she understood your pain the best. She had tried to encourage a search party for him, to have some closure, but the government refused. He was gone, and they couldn’t send more men to find a disfigured body.

You hated thinking about that, what James would look like. It haunted you in your nightmares, waking you up in the wee hours of the morning, his frostbitten body staring right back at you. Phil had found you a morning after such nightmare, sitting on your porch in nothing but an oversized shirt and a blanket around your shoulders, cheeks wet with fresh tears.

You sniffled once more, wiping your nose with the back of your hand, watching as a black car parked into your dirt driveway. The car opened and Phil Coulson emerged, as expected - on time for your monthly visits. Hugging onto the blanket tighter, you shivered against the cold air, hoping Phil would just leave upon noticing your state.

He did the exact opposite.

Phil took off his jacket, resting it upon your shoulders even though you had the blanket. You sniffled, inhaling his scent, and hugged the jacket closer, feeling Phil take a seat next to you on your wooden bench.

"I always found snow to be soft, almost like a cloud, falling down upon it when James and I would make snow angels," you began. A shiver ran down your spine as you continued, "but now, I can't help but think of his body just...plopping onto the ground so roughly that he was hurting, still alive, yelling out for anyone and..."

Phil ran his hand over your head, brushing your hair back, "freezing."

You glanced to Phil, "freezing to...to death. He must've been so scared, I-"

Phil shushed you as the tears formed, "no what if's, y/n. He's safe now - that's what matters most. You're okay, and so is he."

Your bottom lip trembled as you held onto the dog tags, nodding to Phil's words, "you're right, as always."

Phil gave a tight smile, "let's go inside and heat up some milk, 'm getting tired myself." Coulson held your hand for the rest of the night.

Trying to convince yourself to get some closure, you told yourself that the next time you were in Washington D.C., you’d visit the museum and read all about Bucky, all that he had done, and see the amazed looks of citizens who saw him as a hero. Your James Barnes was a hero to so many people, including yourself, and you should be able to celebrate his goodness from when he was alive.

You were going to go the next day until Director Fury knocked on your door at 2:30 in the morning, holding a file labeled “CLASSIFIED.”

You raised an eyebrow, “couldn’t have given me this at a decent time?”

He narrowed his good eye, “it’s urgent, didn’t have time for formalities, your highness.”

With a snort, you grabbed the folder from his hands, “glad you know how to properly address me. What time do we leave?”

Fury tilted his head toward the quinjet, directing your eyes toward Steve who stood alongside Natasha, “once you get dressed, Agent. You’ll have time to look over the file in the jet.”

You weren’t sure why you got dressed so fast; seeing Steve for the first time in about 6 months, finally going on a mission, or just getting some new sense of scenery. Either way, you engulfed Steve in a hug and he laid a hand on the back of your head, “hey, honeybee.”

Your heart ached whenever he called you that, but you figured it was one of the last things he could hold onto Bucky as his dog tags laid against your chest, “hey, Stevie. So, what’s the deal?”

Reading over the file while Nat gave more information about Clint – someone else who you had grown quite close to – you grew confused. You looked to Steve, “the Tesseract. That’s the blue cube that…disintegrated Schmidt, right?”

Steve nodded, “looks like Howard recovered it and it’s been in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s hands since, but this guy, Loki, wants something to do with it – Hydra’s secret weapon.”

Fury spoke up from the front of the jet, “that scepter he has, it controls the minds of anyone it touches, including one of my sharpest agents. The Tesseract could be the key to unlimited sustainable energy – that’s something the world sorely needs. Falls into the wrong hands, well…”

You shook your head, “you shoulda left it in the ocean.”

Silence overtook the quinjet until Phil came over to your seat, sitting beside you, “I’d like you to come along to recruit another member, if you don’t mind.”

You gave a small smile to Phil, “um, yeah, that’s fine. Where we goin’ and who are we recruiting, Coulson?”

Phil seemed a bit nervous as he spared a glance to Nat, who nodded her head, “Tony Stark, Iron Man.”

You sucked in a breath, “Howard’s son? You want me to come along?”

Phil laid his own hand upon yours that rested in your lap, file forgotten about, “I do, and I hope you wouldn’t mind tagging along.”

Holding back your tears, you nodded, “yeah, yeah, I’ll come. When do we leave?”

“Once we land in D.C., we’ll take a quick trip to New York. Easy car ride.”

You squinted your eyes, “isn’t that like, a 6-hour drive?”

Phil gave an uneasy smile, “not with me driving, we’ll be there in 2.”

You chuckled, “as long as I get there alive, I don’t really care how we get there.”

In all honesty, the drive to Stark Tower was relatively calm, save for swerving through traffic and going way too fast for your liking. Once you arrived, you and Phil talked to the impressive AI named JARVIS who told you both that he was informing Mr. Stark of your arrival.

“Impressive Artificial Intelligence,” you whispered to Phil, “definitely Howard's kid.”

Phil was about to respond until JARVIS spoke up, “Mr. Stark is not in, Agent Coulson.”

Your friend pursed his lips together, “please tell Tony that this is urgent and we need to speak. Now.”

Very quickly, Tony ignored your calls until Phil hacked into the system, overriding JARVIS and his protocols. Phil spoke into the phone, pulling you inside the elevator, “Mr. Stark, we need to talk.”

Tony sighed on the other line, “you have reached the life model decoy of Tony Stark. Please leave a message.”

Phil rolled his eyes, causing you to let out a snort, along with Pepper Potts on the other line, “this is urgent, Tony.”

You and Phil stood in the elevator, about to reach his floor as Tony responded, “then leave it urgently.” Right on cue, the elevator doors opened and Tony held up his glass of champagne, “security breach, it’s on you.”

Tony’s eyes glanced over your figure as you stood beside Phil, Pepper getting up from the floor to greet him, “Phil! Come in. I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met yet, Miss?”

You smiled at Pepper, meeting her halfway and shaking her hand, “Agent Y/N L/N, Miss Potts.”

Tony stood beside Pepper, “the infamous Miss America, Cap’s sidekick. How’s S.H.I.E.L.D. treating you? Always annoying you with something, barging in without your knowledge, telling you that you've been asleep for 70 years?”

Phil spoke for you, “I’m afraid we can’t stay. We need you to look this over as soon as possible.”

Tony shook his head, “I don’t like being handed things.”

You let out a chuckle as Pepper took the folder, “that’s fine, because I love to be handed things. So, let’s trade.” With a quick switch of hands, Pepper gave Tony the folder as she handed Phil the glass of champagne, “thank you. Anything for you, Y/N?”

You shook your head, “no thank you, Miss Potts.”

You took a moment to look Tony over. Peggy was not kidding – he looked exactly like Howard, and certainly acted like him, too. They had the same eyes, the same face, and the same attitude; it was almost like looking at a clone of Howard. Your eyes filled with unshed tears but you pushed them back, taking a small breath as Phil continued, “this is not a consultation.”

Pepper’s eyes grew wide, “is this about the Avengers? Which I know nothing about.” She looked guilty once the words slipped.

Tony sighed as he walked away, opening up the folder and looking through it quickly, “the Avengers initiative was scrapped, I thought – and I didn’t even qualify.”

Pepper shrugged, “I didn’t know that, either.”

Tony continued, “apparently I’m volatile, self-obsessed, don’t play well with others.”

You mumbled, “kind of like Howard.” Tony pointed his finger towards you as he nodded, “and she speaks of him!”

Pepper nodded her head, “that I did know,” ignoring his comment towards you.

Phil shifted his weight, “this isn’t about personality profiles anymore.”

Tony grunted, “whatever. Ms. Potts, got a second?”

As the two were talking, screens were lit up of you, Steve, and others fighting, and you stumbled back with a slight gasp, still new to the whole holographic stuff of technology. Phil turned towards you, asking you if you were okay with a look, and you nodded. Pepper looked towards you both and back to Tony, whispering, “maybe while working on this, you can get to know her. Get to know your dad. I’ll take the jet to D.C. tonight. You have homework – a lot of homework.”

The two kissed before Pepper headed your way, “so, any chance you two are driving by LaGuardia?”

Phil nodded, “I can drop you.” Pepper smiled, “fantastic!”

The two began to walk towards the elevator as you looked on at Tony who held a holographic Tesseract in his hand. In that moment, your brain convinced yourself that was Howard, your Howie.

Tony turned towards you, “you joining them or you just gonna stare?”

You took a step back, a frown on your face as you mumbled an apology, meeting Pepper and Phil in the elevator. Pepper turned your way as the doors closed, “I’m sorry about him. When it comes to his dad and you, he gets a bit…”

You finished her sentence, “jealous. He missed out on a lot and I can imagine Howard spent too much time talking about me or Steve instead of him. I understand.”

Pepper gave a tight smile.

In a few short hours, you, Phil, Steve, and a few other S.H.I.E.L.D agents were on your way to the helicarrier, something that only a few of you knew about. You sat next to Steve, looking over Dr. Bruce Banner’s files, examining videos of him as Hulk, and how he was trying to recreate the super soldier serum. You had known about Dr. Banner and honestly, had become one of his fans – when he was in his human form, of course. His works on nuclear physics and gamma radiation greatly interested you and upon reading many of his published articles, you had completely forgotten about his condition. Having the opportunity to meet him in person was certainly one of your dreams and you just knew Bucky was making fun of you for being such a dork.

Phil stood up from his seat, walking towards you and Steve, leaning above you both. Steve looked to Phil, “this Dr. Banner was trying to replicate the serum they used on me?”

Phil nodded, “after Howard Stark’s death in 1991, Dr. Banner made it his mission to replicate it. A lot of people were. You – you both – were the world’s first superheroes. Banner thought gamma radiation might hold the key to unlocking Erskine’s original formula.”

Steve looked uneasy, “didn’t really go his way, did it?”

Phil shifted his weight as he looked towards you, then to Steve, “not so much. When he’s not that thing, though,” you interrupted him with a glare, “sorry, the Hulk, the guy’s like a Stephen Hawking.”

Steve looked to you, confusion written on his face. You shrugged, “a really smart person.”

Silence enveloped the three of you until you nodded to Phil, urging him to continue. Phil seemed all giddy, “I gotta say, it’s an honor to meet you officially. I’ve sort of met you, I mean, I watched you while you were sleeping.”

You snorted as Steve nervously smiled at Phil, covering your face as he continued, “I mean, I was present while you were unconscious from the ice.” Steve stood up as you continued laughing, making his way to the front of the jet, “you know, it’s just a huge honor to have you on board this.”

You followed Phil, clapping him on the back as Steve overlooked the ocean, “thank you for that, Phil, truly.”

Steve elbowed you as he mumbled, “I hope we’re the people for the job.”

Phil’s eyes lit up, “oh, you are – you both are, absolutely! We, uh, made some modifications to your suits, by the way.”

You glanced towards Phil – now this was what you missed.

-

honeybee taglist:

@clownerlyluv

@ginger-swag-rapunzel

@starkleila

@intothesoul

[twstwonderlandstuff]

Sleep depravity

You feel like shit.

Flashback

Ahaha, the new year! A time for fun and festivities! Surely, that’s what YOU’RE going to be doing, right?

Wrong.

Well, I mean right, but it’s not fun by what most of NRC calls as. So imagine this, right, you’re sitting in yo damn class doing your damn shit when suddenly, your classmate whispers to you from behind.

“Hey.” You nudge an elbow, to show that you’re listening. 

“You should watch ‘Tales of the Seven Lords’. It’s a really good series.” You nod in thanks at the recommendation and your classmate retreats back to his seat. 

And the day goes on as usual: Running around campus doing your part-time jobs, occasionally talking to your friends and seniors, feeding Grim, appreciating how fine everybody looks today- pardon me.

So now, it’s bedtime and you’re there listening to Grim talk as you do your homework. Then, he says: “Oh yeah, someone said something about a recommendation, right?”

“Right, I forgot about that.” You nod, finishing your homework in time. “We should check that out to watch for New Years. It’s in a few days.” You sigh, bouncing your leg. 

See, unlike from where you’re from, NRC has a different curriculum, where the OFFICIAL tests come out somewhere in the 3rd and 9th month of the year, not the 6th and the 12th, so this is just cooldown time for you to kind of chill and relax. 

“Right, holidays~~~ We don’t need to listen to Vargas anymore!” Grim hums cheerfully, and you nod. He’s already loud and super annoying every time he meets a slightly muscular kid, but add THAT with him rambling about safety protocols? Nah, man, ya can’t.

"Ah yes, the holidays where everyone goes home and leaves us here to wail and stay all alone with nobody- I mean I got you but you know- nobody and probably have to clean the school.” You take a deep breath. “Lovely.”

"That annoying guy is going to do something like that...” Grim complains, rolling over to flop on your stomach. “I don’t wanna!”

“Same...” You reply lazily, fist bumping Grim’s paw. “Hahah... hah...”

Despite your complaining, you feel a little giddy. I mean, come on, you get the FUCK around the school, all day by yourselves! What’s not to love about that? And the series is sure to keep you entertained.

Flashback end.

‘That was a terrible, terrible thing to think about.’ You thought blearily, thoughts swirling around your head as Grim falls asleep on you, *heetos and dorr*tos all over your body, making you feel sticky and gross. 

It’s now the actual new years, where everybody’s gone home and like you predicted, Crowley did assign you to tasks- fucking bird, so you and Grim’s ass didn’t do what he told you. Fucking hell, the school’s been functioning DAMN well without you, surely the tasks not THAT big of a deal, right?

After goofing around for a few days, you’re getting bored, so you drag your lazy self to Sam’s store (where his friends from the other side are tending it for him) and rent out a DVD- Crowley didn’t gift you a phone, unfortunately (but still fixed that old TV set??? Man’s got some weird priorities)

You bring this news to Grim, who immediately begs and whines for you to open and watch the show. So you did.

The first episode, you were intrigued, but only a little bit. The same went for the 2nd and 3rd episode. You’re about to call it a lame series when you hit... the 4th episode.

It was a wild ride of emotions and wow... that scene where Henry helps the king really brought you and Grim to tears. 

You were hooked. Or in other words, you were fucked. Fucked because now, you can’t THINK of anything BUT the series, which forces you to stay at home and watch the entire god-damn thing and now its 2 days after that.

At... you blearily open your eyes and notice the cracks of light shining through the curtain. “Oh god...” At somewhere around 8 am in the morning.

“Fucking hell... I’ve gone and fucked up my sleep schedule... shit...” And for some reason, tears began running down your eyes. What the fuck? Are you THAT tired that’d you’d cry over your SLEEP SCHEDULE?

Yes. Yes, you are.

You hear a knock at the door. “Oh my fucking god.” You curse, rolling down the uneven wooden floors, wincing as you get splinters. You lethargically stand up  and open the door and look up to see...

HEARTSLABYUL

Someone 5 cm taller then you- oh screw off, you’re 145 cm, its okay to be pissed, you know?

“Happy new year, prefect-” You interrupt him.

“Oh.. you’re cute!” You grin gleefully, pinching the red hair’s cheeks.

“U-unhand me at once!” The guy with red hair shouted, forcibly taking your hands away. “Or its off with your head!”

"What, you’re gonna- you’re gonna tie me up~?” You tease, punching the guy’s shoulder. “That’s kinky dude... like tone down the horny ya know...”

2 guys with red-orange hair and other with blue starts laughing loudly in the background and you laugh too.

The guy with red hair STARTS turning red- oh my fucking god, people can turn red?

“OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!” And a collar winds up around your neck.

“Eh????” You ask, lightly tugging at the collar. “What the fackin hell is this shit? Y’all really out here puttin’ collars and shit on people... in the middle of the day too... wow...”  You mutter, slipping into a country accent.

Flash! You hear a snap of a camera and turn to look at another person with a feather duster on his head- why does he have a feather duster- you know what, its cute, and you like it. You reach up and begin petting it, effectively blocking the phone he’s holding.

“Eto, prefect? You’re kinda- woah!” You look at him with a glazy eyes from those 2 days of non stop watching.

"Are you a...” You ponder, biting your lip as you blink repeatedly. “Are you... a fuck boy?”

(“CATER’S A FUCK- CATER’S F-FUCK- AHAHAHAHA-” Ace wheezes in the background as Deuce starts laughing harder, neither of them caring that they have collars on their first day back.)

Fuck boy has a bewildered look on his face, but before you could see his reaction, another hand goes to tug you back. You look up and... is that... is that lettuce, you see? No no way, it... it kinda looks like broccoli, though..

“Let’s get you to bed, prefect.” The broccoli tells you firmly, but like hell are you listening to a broccoli! Fuck man, you got higher standards then that, come on!

“No! I’m not listening to a broccoli!” You duck, effectively pulling out of his grasp and ran inside to wherever room you’re in and slam it shut. “YOU’RE NEVER GETTING ME, BROCCOLI MAN!!!”

(”Bro---brocoll-” This time, it’s Deuce’s time to collectively pound weakly at the dirt, one hand holding onto Ace’s shoulder as he looses it.)

Eventually, you slump on the ground and slowly... you don’t hear the brocolli’s voice anymore.. which is good (but like, why does his voice sound so... sexy??? Like, why??? It doesn’t make any... sense...)

---

Ace and Deuce finish from their laughing stock, having to hold on to the third years to get up from their position. “We’ll go check on the prefect.” Deuce tried to say, a snort or two making its way to the sentence.

“HAH- KINKY- KINKY FUCK BOY BROCCOLI--- AHAHAHAHAHA-” Ace was still loosing it as he walked inside, a tear streaking down his face. “I love the prefect so fucking much.”

Laughter bubbles up against Deuce’s throat as he walks in. “F...Fuck...boy...”

“W-where is the prefect, anyway?” They immediately see you, slumped against the hallway, snoozing away. With their strong powers, they gently lift and place you on the sofa, amidst all the gunk and shit that’s piled up.

“Ew, what were they even doing?” Ace cringes, looking at the mess. “It smells like shit.”

“They’re watching ‘Tales of the Seven Lords’- oh.” Deuce nods, in extreme understanding. He too, has pulled all-nighters with his gang to watch this series... oh how they cried like mad.

“Oh, that show... it’s bad. I don’t like it.”

“What?!” Deuce swiftly turns around. “But its really good!”

“No, it’s not, what? You got some poor taste, Juice.”

“It’s Deuce, not Juice! And you’re the one with poor taste!”

They bicker all the way, until they’re lovingly threatened by Riddle to NOT say a word, or its way more then off with your head, got it~?

SAVANACLAW

An extremely good-looking lion man- lion man, the fuck???- who lazily looks around at your dorm. Behind him is an EVEN better looking man, this one with a very fluffy tail and BEEG ears and BEEG body and my god, wow... he also sexy- like, sexier then lion man.

“Furry?” You mutter, your eyes falling onto another boy with animal-like ears and tail, except he’s shorter then the two, but his eyes seem to have more light in them.

“Happy New Year, prefect~!” He cheers on, his small tail wagging- oh that is cute oh my fuck- oh shit-

“...what the fuck? Why the fuck are there furries?” You gasp in alarm, running your hands through your hair in a frantic manner. “HAVE I MISSED A FUCKING GENERATION OF FURRIES?!”

“NONONONO NO NO NO THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY- NO-” You scream, falling onto the floor and grabbing a piece of your hair.

A shadow seems to loom over you, and you can feel something fluffy- or maybe that’s just you. “Prefect, are you okay- not like I’m worried, or anything, but...?” That line seems like something you’ve heard, but from where?

“Has the herbivore lost their mind?” Sexy lion man can be heard asking in the back, his voice quickly slipping into a yawn.

“Are ya worried, Leona?” The smaller guy teases, a ‘shi shi shi’ going past his lips.

“Tch.”

Well they seem like good friends- nice.

“I’m fine-” You look up and BAM WOAH WHAT IS THAT- SOMEONE’S PANTS AREA THING NOPE-

“I’M NOT FINE FUCKKKKKKK!” You scream back. The guy jumps back.

“Prefect, are you possessed?”

“By this stage? I might as well fucking be- HAH!” And you snort at that- it’s not even funny, you moron. “Oh, and also sexy lion man- yeah I’m talking to you, yeah you-” You point at said man. “I’m not a herbivore, okay? Like, I’m not a vegan (NO OFFENSE TO THE VEGANS OUT THERE), umm...” You slip into a dramatic accent where everything becomes more pronounced.

“I’m a fucking omnivore, and if you wanna like, insult me, please do it right. Thanks.” You pose, your hands making a heart shape, before slumping onto strong boy’s arms.

“Pfft- AHAHAHAH-” And Ruggie’s gone and lost his shit, because what’d you expect, right?

Leona looks surprised, before becoming very irritated, dragging Ruggie by the scruff/neck and walking away, leaving Jack to deal with you.

His seniors out of earshot and eyeshot, he glances at your sleeping form, which was nuzzling up to him, sighing in bliss as the warmth surrounds you.

He lets out a snicker despite his best efforts not too. Goodness, you surprise him every day.

He easily brings you inside with a princess carry, making sure to respectfully touch only your legs and you back to support you.

He glances at your sleeping form- what on earth were you doing that could keep you up so late, anyways? Oh, he finds out by passing through the living room, TV still on.

He finds your bedroom and lays you down there, not bothering to bring Grim inside- just kidding, he absolutely brings Grim in because he knows how much you love each other, but you didn’t hear that from me~

He glances at your form again and brushes some hair out of your face. The steady rise and fall of your chest eases him. Maybe he should stay here, just in case you wake up and act like THAT again and that’s something he’s sure a lot of people aren’t ready to witness.

He takes a chair and sits in front of you, once again having his eyes trained on you, seeing he has nowhere to look at.

A content smile passes your lips, and he smiles at that. What kind of dreams are you having, he wonders? (Little did he know its about him)

Wait.

If he’s waiting for you like this, isn’t that what you usually do for friends?! He stands up immediately, regretting his actions just as fast as he notices you squirm, sighing in relief as you settle back down onto your dazed state again.

“Happy New Year, prefect. Let’s make more memories together.” He mutters lowly, far too low for you to hear but somehow, you smile at just the right moment.

He leaves quickly, a red blush adorning his cheeks. No, that does NOT make him happy in the slightest! His tail isn’t wagging, his ears aren’t red, you’re lying!

Right?

Wrong.

Yeah, right.

Oh, god damn you and making him so confused!

OCTAVINELLE

An incredibly good-looking gent, with a smile on his face that doesn’t look as nice as it should. And look, he’s got a fedora! That speaks fancy~

“Happy New Year, pre-” You take the fedora and slap it onto your head, to the surprise and subsequent irritation of this man.

Or octopus. Honestly, they radiate the same vibe, so you wouldn’t know.

Then, you began doing the Orange Justice (cringe) as you hum- “Mhph, then you break it down! Down! Down! High! Down!”

“Is shrimpy-chan okay?” Oh what the fuck he’s so tall- THERE’S ANOTHER ONE YOU’RE SEEING THINGS-

“Oya oya.” HE HAS ARA-ARA ENERGY OH MY GOD YOU CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS- NONONONONO-

“Ara ara? Ara ara ara~ ara ARA!” You reply in kind, switching to a weird boogie as you sing offkey about a song.

“Under the sea~~~ under the sea~~ something, something, du do do do, under the sea~ under the grass, and till they fall~ ahhhh!!!” You grab the gent’s hands and drag him to you, paying very close attention to your feet as you attempt to tap dance.

The gent splutters indigation, so you leave him be and focus on your feet.

“Ne, that sounds fun!” The 1st double says, following you to dance- except he’s doing way better then you.

“Wha- how the fuck- that’s good! How the fackkkk... fuck... fucking... fucking fucking wop wop!” You giggle, trying to imitate his dance.

“Hehe, shrimpy’s funny when they’re tired!” Double 1 says, grabbing your waist as you shout in fright.

“Jade, maybe we should-”

“Let them be, Azul.”

Upon closer inspection, you realize that this ‘Jade’ has resonating vibes with Sebastian from Black Butler- wait, is this the twin cliche?! Where there’s the crazy one and the other’s the sane one?! But then again, he has that scary smile on his face... hmm, maybe that theory should be left alone.

You, still Double 1′s arms, shout: “Come on butler man! Join us!!!”

“Butler... are you referring to me?” He sounds surprised.

“Yeee! Come on dude,let’s vibeeee-” You stop mumbling and began singing again. “Oh oh, I’m a rebel just for kicks now! OWAH!!!”

“Owah~~” Double 1 joins, and Jade with a grin, joins in. “Owah~”

“...owah...” The gent also joins, albeit in a softer tone.

“What else, shrimp- eh??? They’re asleep!” Floyd pouts as he gazes at your non-moving body. “No fun.”

“Oya, maybe we should bring them back to their couch. It looks like a nice place to be.” Jade remarks, looking at the pile of chips and snacks on the floor. Floyd shruges, dropping you with a thud, but you don’t seem to wake up. Jade picks you up for Floyd and brings you to the couch.

Azul cringes at the sight of messy chips. “It’s giving me heartburn just looking at it.”

“Don’t lie, Azul. We saw you eating the same thing yesterday~” Floyd teases, a wide grin placate on his face.

“...I could’ve sworn nobody saw me! How...” Azul mumbles to himself, a red flush on his face.

“They’re asleep. We should leave them be.” Jade suggests, walking back to the group.

Azul nods. “There’s nothing I can make a deal about, anyway. And, the benevolent sea witch wouldn’t agree with that, wouldn’t she?”

"Yeah! Goodnight, shrimpy!” Still, you don’t reply, but Floyd looks happy enough since he hoists Azul up from his stand and walks out with him, princess style.

“F-floyd, put me down!”

“Nah, Jade looked really happy holding Shrimpy, so I’ll do the same to you~”

“Floyd!”

Jade walks behind them, watching as they have their fun.

Did I really look that happy? He glances back at your living room and gives a rare, sincere smile to the dimly lit room.

“Goodnight, prefect. I hope to get along with you better.” He whispers to himself, before closing the door gently behind and catching up to his brother.

SCARABIA

Sunshine??? in the form of a... homo sapient???? and a snake??? why the fuck-???

“Happy New Year, prefect! I brought you some food, a few blankets and oh!” The sunshine greets, giving you things, which you don’t have the strength to take, but nod as thanks anyways. He hands you a carpet, incredibly soft, 100% quality. “A carpet- eh, prefect?! Are you okay?!” The sunshine fusses, grabbing your cheeks in worry.

You melt, easing into the touch. “I’m okay now.” You lazily reply, giving him a slow wink. “Haha, get it? Cause- cause you’re here, and you’re the sun, and you’re cute, so like... haha? No?” You don’t let him reply as you sigh and nod, taking his hands of your cheeks. “Alright.”

The sunshine grins at your attempt. “I don’t really know what you mean, but thanks!” Oh my god he’s so cute-

“...hopefully, these things can dress up your broken- er, rustic house.” The snake replies, watching your behavior with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

You son of a bitch-

“Look, snake-man. No no no no, look at me. Watashi no eyes, you look at eyes- you see my eyes?” You stalk towards the snake, squinting at the bright sun (2 suns) as you trudge towards him. “Y-you see? Yeah, these eyes have tried their FUCKING best to fix up this dorm, so please, bro, please don’t like, mock it cuz like-- it’s really fucking hard- and you know why?!”

“Why?” The sunshine questions, just as you hope (but for some reason, the snake has backed away and is guarding the sunshine. You wonder why.)

“Lemme tell you why- lemme tell you why. So, this bird-man bitch boy I don’t fucking know, right-” The snake sort of laughs at this description as sunshine nods. “This guy, right, leaves ALL this SHIT to me- like BITCH, did you see the fucking state of this... I don’t know, um, SHACK?!” You point aggressively at the house. “Yeah man, it was SHIT! Like, there were holes, rats on the ground, and there were a insects everywhere...” Oho, snake seems to tense up at this, walking towards sunshine in a scared manner.

“The wood was rotting, it smelled like mold... the couches were moldy, the BED was moldy... it was... it was FUCKING shit mate, like the fuck?! You expect me to clean up that shit in what, like...” You bring up your fingers, not even counting. “Three fucking days? Like what the fucking hell, bitch? I’d like to- to- to know what the fuck crossed his mind, like the fuck, you know?”

“That seems hard, prefect. Do you want us to help?” The sunshine offers, but the snake interjects, saying: “Kalim (oh, so his name is Kalim, huh? Cute name for a cute guy!), how many times do I have to tell you? Don’t-”

“But it looks like they’re having a really hard time!” Kalim argues, pouting and looking at you pitifully, and you give the snake a woeful mourning face. The snake glares at you, before sighing heavily. Ah, damn, you feel kind of bad.

“Nah, it’s okay sunshine, I can handle it. Oh, by the way, have ya seen my baby?” You say nonchalantly, describing your feline friend.

“Baby?” The snake pales. “You have a baby?!”

“Prefect, why do you have a baby?” The sunshine panics too, eyes widening, forgetting the nickname you gave him.

“Yeah, I do! Wanna see-” Slump! You fall onto the ground before you can finish your sentence, leaning across the snake’s legs.

“Oh... they’re probably talking about Grim...” Jamil realizes, sighing in relief at the thought.

“Oh yeah, that’s probably it! Hehe, we think alike, Jamil!” Kalim grins, much to the chagrin of Jamil.

“Yeah, yeah, we do. Now come on-” Jamil lifts up your body, princess style and grunts. “Help me open the door.”

“Sure thing!” Kalim hums, opening the door. “What do you think they were doing, looking so tired?”

Jamil shrugs, walking inside ASAP, first giving the dorm a quick sweep with his eyes- he isn’t quite sure how to feel about the bugs you said. They pass by the living room and upon seeing the disarray, nod in understanding.

“Kalim, can you clean it while I put the prefect back in their room?” Kalim nods and gets to work, rolling up his sleeves.

Jamil smiles, nodding as he walks towards your bedroom, opening it with his foot. Surprisingly, it looks WAY cleaner then your living room- you really did stay up all night to watch whatever show was on, huh? The bed isn’t even creased.

Jamil sets you down gently, and you immediately roll to the side, sighing in comfort. He watches as the crumbs of snacks fall onto the bed, and thanks the graces that its not Kalim’s, or his bed that got the food spilled, phew.

Speaking of Kalim, how is he faring? Jamil walks back to the living room, fully expecting to see Kalim get distracted, but much to his ACTUAL surprise, the room is a quarter cleaned. The crisps are thrown in the trash bin and the blankets are folded up, albeit not neatly.

Jamil smiles, a little bit proud of Kalim. “Kalim?”

“Here. Shh, not so loud. Grim’s sleeping.” Kalim whispers back, waving from the kitchen. “I’m trying to clean the dishes, but...”

“Here, let me teach you.” And so, they two do their best to help clean the living room until it’s up to Jamil’s standard.

“I bet they’ll feel surprised when they wake up!” Kalim giggles, happy that it’s clean.

“I hope so, it’ll be a waste if we did all this and they didn’t notice.” Jamil frowns, crossing his arms, satisfied. “I’m sure they liked the gifts, Kalim?”

“Really?! I didn’t go overboard, right?!” Kalim worries, looking at Jamil in concern.

“You always do.” Was Jamil’s snide remark.

“Jamil!” Kalim pouts, and Jamil nods.

“It’s true.”

“Aww... I thought I really... aww...” Kalim shakes his head, cheering up immediately. “There’s always next time! Let’s visit Heartslabyul next, Jamil!”

“Let’s go.” And Kalim rushes out, shouting a ‘Happy New Year!’ to the dorm, despite his previous warning. Jamil says nothing, echoing his behavior as they walk out.

(And it’s true. After 14 hours or so, you wake up, walked towards the living room, and cried the SHIT out of your eyes. It really was nice to see, you know?)

DIASOMNIA

 You can’t distinguish who the fuck this person is, but they’re definitely tall. 

“Who the fucking hell??? Is so fucking tall?” You ask in a whisper. “Hello?”

“Don’t talk to Malleus-sama that way, human!” A guy that looks similar to a cucumber yells. 

“Shut up, my guy. Oh shit, sorry I probably sound really fucking rude hah.” You snort, pinching the nose of your bridge. “Um, what can I do for you? Or something?”

“You look pale.” A softer voice comments. You turn to look at him and oh fucking HELL he looks so... soft??? Princely???

“Woah.” You breathe, grabbing his face. He quickly pushes you off, but you don’t mind. “What the fuck... Your face??? Is?? Nice???” 

“Thank... you...?” He says strangely, stepping away. “Da- LIlia-sama, I think we should leave. ___ doesn’t seem to feel well.”

“Nonsense, ___’s fine. It’s probably just lack of sleep.” You let out a bark at that. 

“Hah, lack of sleep. More like lack of heat!” You giggle at that- why did you giggle at that it literally makes no sense. You turn to look at this ‘Lilia’ person and holy shit, is that a d i l f ?

“...Dilf?” You mutter, stetching out your hand to touch this short emo man. “Emo???”

“What is a dlif?” Emo man’s face contorts into confusion, one that is not often seen in his face. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that phrase...”

“Dad’s I’d Like to Fuck, because damn bro, you look- you look like you raised hot kids and set them on a frying pan do you get me, cuz like you’re also sexy? I don’t... yeah.” You nod  heavily at your sentence. 

Emo man and prince-looking guy’s face contorts into a grin and a horrified look respectively. Tall man seems to have the same face as prince-looking guy, while Cucumber just... freezes. 

“Are y’all okay??? You know what, I don’t- I don’t have- I’m not- I’m- I’VE GOT THE APPLE BOTTOM JEANS, BOOTS- BUTTS- BUTTS WITH THE FURRR, THE WHOLE CLUB WAS LOOKING AT HER~” You break out into a song, changing your voice to a country accent. 

“SHE TOOK THE FLOOR AND GOT THE JEANS AND WENT LOW LOW LOW low low low low...” You sync in with the music, going lower to the beat until you lay your body on the ground and slowly lose sight (or blurry shapes) in front of you.

You don’t know what happens next, but you do know that someone’s riding a small cow. With big horns. And hair? With the bit of consciousness you have left, you reach up to touch the cow horns. 

“Sick...” You mutter, and your hands fall slack on the small cow’s horns and you finally fall into well-deserved sleep.

EXTRA

“Lilia.”

"SEE SILVER, I TOLD YOU THAT PEOPLE WOULD-”

“I DON’T NEED TO HEAR IT, DAD!”

“NONE OF US DO!”

“Lilia.”

“I- I’M A DILF- I- I’M A DILF- HAH, I’M- OW OW OW... ow.. my back... oh, yes... Malleus?”

“I’m bringing the human inside.”

“Sure..- argh, ow ow ow... Silver, Sebek, come help me!”

“Yes, old man...”

“...”

“Pfft... a dilf... a dilf....” Malleus snickers at your naming choices, lighting up candles that you’ve strategically set. Once the lights are on, he can’t help but squint at the messiness of your dorm. He walks past the living room and opens your simple bedroom door, placing you on your bed. You don’t seem to be unbetrubed, but you squeezing something in the air. Ah, perhaps you’re looking for the cat? 

Poof! Grim instantly nuzzles into you, and you both sign at the warm heat between you. Malleus smiles at the sight and leans closer to you, and whispers: “Happy New Year, child of man. Let’s make more memories together.” He gazes at your simple room, and his eyes falls at your bedside table. He smiles fondly at the picture on your bedside table. It’s you, Grim and him in Ramshackle’s living room, you making flower crown as you bitch on about physics, Grim agreeing and complaining as well. 

He gives you a small pet on the head and disappears in neon butterflies. 

“Shall we go?”

“Oh, young whisperer, you’re back. I take it ___ is back in their bedroom?”

A smile blooms on Malleus’ face. “Yes, now let’s go.”

“Dilf.. dilf...”

“I can’t... dilf... I can’t.. no...”

*

I don’t fucking know what this is

I just thought--- lilia... is a dad.... and he sexy

and memes... and i created this fic

please enjoy it

[nobodyfamousposts]

A Different Purrspective (Original Work)

“Human. There you are.”

Oh. It again. Or is it a her now, given the body it’s in?

To be honest, I hadn’t really cared much at the time about its sex—or if it even had one. I was a little too busy panicking over this thing that just one day up and decided to come after me because...

Actually, I never did get a clear understanding of its motivations. I was a bit too busy trying to protect myself from the FREAKING DEMON!

In my defense, I hadn’t known demons existed until that moment.

In its defense...

Well, it had none.

“I’ve been looking for you for a while now.”

Sigh.

I forced myself away from my cozy nap time to look over at the one disrupting me.

It was...pretty, I suppose. Full cheeks. Long eyelashes. Hair was messy. Its clothing was disheveled. But otherwise it looked good. Something in me felt that a demon shouldn’t be so pretty.

I wasn’t bitter though.

Even if the body it was in used to be mine.

You know those horror movies with the main leads that have to deal with spirits and possession and body snatchers? Yeah. That was me then.

As to be expected in a horror movie, I lost the fight and the...whatever that thing was took my body. And trapped me in its former vessel.

So the orange tabby cat being spoken to on the front porch of a suburban street? Yeah. That’s me now.

The jerk couldn’t even get me in a female cat body.

Though given what I’ve since learned about cats, maybe that was for the best. Ugh.

“Do you have any idea what it took to find you?”

Huh. The weird thing was that it sounded offended. Not sure why it was supposed to be the wounded party here. I was the one whose body was stolen. By IT in the first place.

And then to add insult to injury, it took me to a shelter and left me there. Giving me an evil smirk and laughing all maniacally-like on the way out. Probably figuring I would be euthanized.

It hadn’t expected me to be adopted.

Ms. McGregor. A lovely old woman. She was pretty much the picture of the cat lady. And she took quite good care of me, all things considered. Fresh water. Good cat food. Some treats every so often.

Granted, it was a bit humiliating since I wasn’t supposed to be a cat, but after what had happened, I was willing to take what I could get and live out my days in relative peace and quiet.

...then this asshole had to show up.

“Human, we need to talk.”

Here we go.

“I...acknowledge that some mistakes have been made.”

Oh really?

“And we both have some regrets.”

The one thing I regret about being in a cat’s body right now is that I can’t roll my eyes.

I know it should be possible. I’ve seen the cat videos. But I just...haven’t worked out how to do it myself.

“I...may have been a bit...hasty. In my previous actions.”

You said you’d stalked me for weeks to learn about my life before attacking me and pulling a Freaky Friday. That requires a bit more forethought than you’re giving yourself credit for.

“I was just excited for the chance to experience life as a human.”

Uh huh.

“It was only going to be for a while.”

Ignoring that from what you had gloated at the time, ‘a while’ was going to be however many kitty years I had left. And considering how old this body was when I was forced into it...

“Just...long enough to get the ‘human experience’, you know?”

Guess the ‘experience’ isn’t working out for you, huh?

“But all good things have to end.”

Good for who?

“So I was thinking...” It trailed off, as if expecting me to finish the thought for it.

It waited, watching me long enough for this to get uncomfortable. Then it sighed.

“Perhaps we should switch back?” It asked, trying not to appear too eager.

It was failing. Horribly. But it was trying.

“You can go back to your life and family.” It continued, as if it was trying to sweeten the offer.

It was an offer though. And one I hadn’t expected to get this soon.

Or ever.

But what I expected even less was my own disinterest.

I mean...sure, the entire thing was terrifying when it was happening and I had no idea what was going on. And humiliating to no longer be human afterwards. But it’s been...what. Two months? Three? And so far, things have been pretty good for me.

Yeah, I’ll pass.

“Come on now!” It insisted “Don’t you want to be human again?”

...was it serious?

“You would get to go back to your fulfilling job.”

You mean the 60+ hour work week with no breaks, no paid vacation, and shitty benefits?

“See your family again. Spend time with your siblings and their kids.”

My self-important and egotistical siblings. With their horrible, horrible kids. And their untrained dog.

“And you can return to having a normal life in a healthy human body.”

My most recent labs read some issues. I had gingivitis and a cavity at my last dental exam. And my appointment for operations on those matters both happened to be after my body got snatched.

How did that go, by the way?

It tensed, fists clenching.

“I think I was a bit...unfair. And I would like to rectify that and switch us back.” It bit out. I think its eyes even flashed.

It was the period pain, wasn’t it?

“How do you LIVE with that?!” It shouted, furious and possibly somewhat embarrassed given the red tinge to its face.

Huh. I didn’t know I could turn that color.

“Look, this works out for both of us.” It insisted, gesturing at me. “You can go back to your life and I can go back to not dealing with your life!”

Wow, you make my life sound so grand when you put it that way...

“Really?” It asked, hopefully.

No.

It groaned, running a hand through its hair.

Wow. It doesn’t look washed. Have you not been taking care of my body? That was one of the few things you said I wouldn’t have to worry about after you left me to rot.

“It’s harder than it looked, okay?”

How do you not know how to take care of a human body?

“Hey, even you humans need years of training on how to properly manage yourselves!” It hissed.

Well, sucks to be you, I guess. As a cat, I can just lick myself clean and not have to worry about appearances.

Its nose turned up in disgust.

“How are you okay with this?!”

Well, it sucked when it happened. But you know, we humans are pretty adaptable. Horror movies end after the credits, but odds are that we would just sort of have to get used to it sooner or later.

Did you think I’d just be screaming in horror within my kitty mind forever?

It paused.

“Maybe?”

Wow. That totally makes me want to help you.

“What? No!” It insisted. “I’m trying to help YOU here!”

And how is this helping me?

It...actually seemed to fumble for a moment.

“Aren’t you sick of eating raw meat and cat food? Isn’t it disgusting?”

Eh, it was hard to get used to at first, I’ll admit. But the nice thing about being a cat is that taste isn’t one of the senses high up on the scale of priority. I’ve only got like...a few hundred taste buds now compared to the thousands I had before, so it doesn’t really bother me. I do miss tasting sweet things though. But at least it means I don’t have to worry so much about how bad things taste.

“Aren’t you tired of having to hunt for food? I’ve seen you going after rats and bugs. Clearly you must be starving.”

Nope, the lady here feeds me pretty well. I just take out the mice to help her out.

It wilted. “But...the bugs?”

It’s actually kind of fun to hunt bugs. And they have this nice little crunch to them—

“Okay, okay, okay!” It interrupted quickly.

Was it was because it was grossed out by the conversation or because it secretly liked those things as well?

“Don’t. Just...don’t remind me.”

Huh, how strange for a demon. Honestly, it had been a cat, at least for a little while. It should know these things.

For that matter, it should also know more about humans in general and my life in particular if it had been following me for months.

“Look, let’s just switch back.” It implored. “I’ll stay in kitty form. You can go home and do...whatever with your life.”

I could.

“You can.”

But this is actually the closest thing I’ve had to a vacation in...like...years.

“You can’t be serious.”

YEARS.

“Listen to me you little shit!” It hissed out, its features turning significantly more sinister and...wow. Stop. I don’t think my face is supposed to look like that! “You are going to switch back with me or so help me—”

You’re supposed to be the powerful demon here. You stole my body before. If you really hate it so much, why don’t you just switch us again?

A pause followed. An unsettling long pause.

“I...can’t.” It muttered, unhappily.

Wait.

What?

“I took it by force. Which we can do.” It shrugged. “But no one’s ever just...switched back before! Not without permission.”

Sooo...you need my permission?

“Yes.”

Huh.

Maybe you should have thought of that BEFORE you stole my body, you creep.

“Oh come on!” It shouted. “Please! I can’t take this anymore. Your job is impossible, your family is insufferable, and this body keeps doing...things I don’t like to think about.”

Yeah, it does that.

“What would it take to switch back?” It demanded. “I can’t take it anymore!”

I’m not feeling particularly sympathetic to your needs right now.

“Do you want me to apologize? I’ll apologize!”

Would it be sincere? Or would it just be a manipulation tactic?

It hesitated.

Right. Enough said.

“It could be both!” It insisted.

And we’re done. Excuse me, I think I’ll be going back to my nap now.

“You know,” It said with a dark tone. “I could just kill your family. Then you’d go to prison. How would you like that?”

Hah. Good luck. Before I met you, I was still convinced they were hellspawn themselves.

Not to say that meeting you has actually changed that belief, to be honest. If even you can’t stand them, what does that say?

“I could kill them all and make it look like an accident. So you wouldn’t get in trouble when you returned.” It suggested instead and...wow...was it trying to bribe me now?

Pass.

Knowing them, they’d be worse than any demon. And would take you out before you could do them in.

Nice try, though.

It glared fiercely at me but said nothing further. If I didn’t know better, I would say it was pouting.

Human expressions are one thing I miss. I’d be doing a long sigh right now.

Look.

You’ve lived my life for all of two months and already you can’t hack it. Imagine dealing with that...all of that. For year after year on end. Going to work at a high stress and low reward job. Dealing with people who look down on you regardless of how hard you work. Dealing with family members that either ignore you or act like they’re superior to you. Dealing with their rotten little children that they are incapable of disciplining even as they wreck your belongings for the sheer entertainment of it. Dealing with a body that’s slowly giving out on you regardless of what you do because you have to overwork it just to earn enough to keep it functioning.

And knowing that despite all the hardship, you still have another 30 plus years of that shit to go before you’ll get to enjoy...maybe 10 years of retirement before your body gives out?

Meanwhile, I have maybe another 10 years of kitty relaxation in this life.

Why would I want to give this up?

“Because you aren’t meant to be a cat!” It insisted.

I’m not. But somehow I am.

And whose fault is that?

It was...oh wow. I wasn’t imagining it! It was pouting.

Huh. Apparently it’s a demon that isn’t used to not getting its way.

And arguably, it was a good deal. Most horror movie leads would jump on a deal like this to “right the wrongs” done to them and return to their lives. Anyone would.

But would you look at the time? Gee, buddy. I’d love to help you out, but that sounds like an awful lot of work and there’s a nice patch of sunbeam that’s calling my name.

“Don’t you turn your back on me—”

And you may want to check yourself. People are starting to give you odd looks and you really don’t need folks to recognize you and question why you’re talking to yourself in public.

It glanced around nervously before lowering its voice. “You could try to help, you know!”

Well, I could. But y’know...cat.

It sputtered.

Clearly, it wasn't possible for cats to laugh. Otherwise I would be laughing myself to tears right now.

“I could disrupt this new little life of yours!” It hissed, turning to threats where pleas and bribes had failed. “The only reason you have it so good is because that old hag took pity on you.”

Let’s not forget that if you had your way, I’d have been euthanized by now and this would all be a moot point. So maybe you should be a little more grateful to that ”old hag”.

“So you do care about her.” It smirked. “But she’s old. Frail.”

It hummed, nonchalantly. Then it smirked, knowingly.

“She looks about ready to keel over at any day.”

And what good would it do you if she did? You need me to be willing, apparently, remember? I was already spiteful as hell when I was human. And everyone knows that cats are nothing but spite.

“We can see if you’d still have that attitude after a few months on the streets. After all, there’s always the chance she could have an...accident.”

Not a good idea. You have not seen that woman lug her purse around. I’m pretty sure that lady was a former heavyweight champion. She can carry four bags of cat food at once, she could probably bench press you while she’s at it.

And there’s no way I’d go back to a body after that.

It opened its mouth—my mouth?—into an expression of rage, and looked about ready to scream.

A loud noise cut it off before it could make a sound.

“There you are!”

Glancing over, it was the front door of the house. The screen door had been opened and on the other side stood a short old woman. Her hair was tied back into a bun. Her nose stuck out at a sharp angle, but it framed her wide if somewhat wrinkled face. She wore no glasses, but she was squinting so much that she looked like she could barely see.

That was her. My new “landlord”, so to speak.

“Jennifurr! Dinner’s ready!” 

It took a moment for the thing in my former body to realize she was talking to me. Cat me.

...oh. Did I mention that the Cat Lady had an awesome sense of humor?

Welp, that’s it then. Too bad, so sad. Looks like we’ll have to table this for another day. Maybe next year?

It gave a grunt of annoyance, but backed away. If nothing else, it wasn’t going to cause a scene here. More out of self preservation than anything. But it continued to glare at me, clearly indicating that this was not over.

I ignored it, going straight for the door as McGregor opened it to let me inside.

“There you are, dear! Everything all right?”

Eh, fine.

She placed a bowl with some cut up meat on the kitchen floor for me.

Oo. Chicken!

“Not too many pests, I hope.”

Only the one.

She continued making conversation as she milled about the kitchen. She does that often. Sometimes it even feels like she hears me.

I wasn’t lying. Not entirely, at least.

I miss being human. Parts of it, at least. The internet was great. I miss having hands that can type. And opposable thumbs. I miss my full taste buds. Some other things I can’t be bothered to think of right now.

But getting away from life does kind of help to put things in perspective.

I’ll go back though...eventually. Maybe.

What was that one meme? It seemed most fitting here.

Nope. I don’t wanna adult today.

Today, I will cat.

[vulpes-z3rda]

SFW Alphabet ~ Nishinoya

A/N: HI HI!! I hope you all enjoy this and i hope the Nishinoya nation are doing okay ^_^

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Have you met this boy? Have you taken him in? Absorbed him and everything about him? Yes? Good. This fucking DUDEEEE, omg. he loves affection. 25/10 on the scale for him tbh. s he around at all?? He needs to be touching you. Whether it be linked pinkies or small pecks on the cheek or hugging you from behind. He needs to be doing it because he wants to show you how much he cares all the time.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

THE BEST OF BEST FRIENDS!!!!! Need to laugh? Bitch he's there. Wanna go on a random adventure that will probably end up with you both having to wear bandages and bandaids for weeks? He's down and ready to go! Movie marathons and being cuddled up together under a blanket? Human reading this, he'll do it.

The friendship started when he was running through the halls being his usual chaotic self and he accidentally ran into you. After you both got up and dusted yourself off you were going to yell at him when he started apologising. Forgiving him you said you'd hoped to see him around and giggled as he very enthusiastically agreed. (he also thought you were really cute and wanted to stick around with you!)

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Omg... of course. You don't think he would?? How dare you. That, my good reader, is a war crime of a thought. He isn't really bothered about how the cuddling happens but he much prefers being the little spoon. Being held by you, resting on your chest and just relaxing into your touch is something he loves doing whenever he can. Obviously he'll swap but its like... a surprise when he is the big spoon.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He does want to settle down eventually. Once you're both comfortable with good jobs and a nice home, he'll be sure to settle down with you. For now, though, he just likes talking about your future together and where you think you'll be. Cooking?? Cleaning?? What are those? Please, for the sake of your home, don't let him near the kitchen. He can clean, he just doesn't like it. If you want him to clean you're going to have to make a game out of it. "You'll get a kiss every 10 minutes if you do it." "AHHH OKAY!!"

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I think he would be scared because even though he doesn't love you in that way anymore, he still really cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you. But, he'd be upfront because you deserve that decency and he would make sure that you both stay friends because he still wants you in his life.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

We all know he simps. A pure-blooded simp you know? So he simps for you. He's 100% committed to you. He doesn't see anyone else, only you and he is more than happy with that. I feel like he'd propose to you after a few years of dating, like between 2-6 years maybe?? Then you've had time to properly settle together and gotten to know each other inside and out.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He can be gentle but given his chaotic nature, he's probably unintentionally brazen and rough around the edges. But he tries for you because he knows sometimes you just need him to be calm and to be more aware of your emotions so he tries his best.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Absolutely adores hugging you. Adores hugs in general tbh. They happen any chance he gets tbh. You've got your back turned to him because your mum asked you to do the dishes? BACK HUGS TIME!! Talking to him about something? You had best bet this man is going to tackle you in a hug.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Yes, he's affectionate but I feel like he'd wait a bit before he decided he says I love you. He wants to make sure everything between you two is comfortable and completely returned before he commits to it on that level. So I'd say he'd wait about 5-7 months before he says it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)

We've all seen how he is about people flirting with Kiyoko and they aren't even dating, so Lord could only imagine. He would probably be by your side at all times and leaving snide comments to the person who is stealing your attention. More on the passive-aggressive side of jealous behaviour.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses can either be softest things or the most passionate things. There is no in-between with him. It all depends on his mood. Preferably, he'd like to kiss you on the lips and neck because he feels like it both shows how much he loves you and shows others your his. He loves to be kissed on the jaw and on the lips for the same reasons. It just screams "we love each other and want y'all to know" in his mind.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Considering he's a big child himself, I'd say he's pretty good with kids. 100% the type of guy to join in on any game to keep them entertained, will tell stories (mainly making you royalty and himself a knight who saves you (Tsukki is a dragon that kidnaps you)), he'll give piggyback rides if they want them and he's just overall ecstatic to be around them.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

You have to wake him up most mornings cause this mf is always trying to sleep in. You usually make his fave breakfast and then after that he drags upstairs again to cuddle again. This usually means he's rushing around to get to school and practice while you thought ahead and got ready before he dragged you back.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

SNUGGLES!! He'll make sure that once you've both done you're nightly routines, that you both wrap yourselves up in the bedsheets and just cuddle and talk about your day. His head is on your chest and he presses soft kisses to your collarbone as you sing to him or just play with his hair. Overall, it's just a soft loving experience for you both and he adores it and you all the same.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Give him a few months and that's when he really starts opening up. But, leading up to then he gives little hints about himself and drops little things that you might not have known every now and then. Then all of a sudden, he's saying everything. Every little detail he wants you to know, everything he's feeling and he tells you what he's insecure about because he wants you to know him.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

I mean... I'd say about average?? It depends on the situation. Someone's flirting with you? 0-100 real quick. Are you just upset about something and taking it out on him? He tries to keep level headed because he doesn't want to get mad at you. Someone making fun of his height? 0.0 well... short people tend to be the scariest and that's all I'm going to say 😌.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

I feel like he's the kind of person who couldn't remember what 2 + 2 is half the time but if someone was like "What pet did y/n have as a kid??" and he'd be right there answering. Or they'd just ask "Hey, do you know y/n's favourite food?" and boom, he's giving a whole recipe on how to make it just how you like it. But on the odd occasion, he's just like "Oh fuck.... what's their favourite colour again??"

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

Your first anniversary. He made sure that he got everything you did on your first date and just sprinkled in little gifts of memories you made leading up to the anniversary. Not gonna lie, he also makes sure you have a nice little at home part of it too, You watch your favourite movies and eat your favourite snacks. This boy just wanted it to be special for you because he wants you to know just how much he cares.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

On a scale of 1-10?? I'd place him at like 9. We've all seen he is about Kiyoko... and she was a CRUSH! So what he'd be like over his s/o?? Jesus lord above. Noya goes ✨ bark bark ✨ when he protects you. Listen, people who flirt with you make Noya go brrrr, you know? *whispering* He likes it when you protect him by mocking or teasing the other person. Your witty remarks? Gold. His brain? Full of serotonin. His face? Basically just a smile. Hotel? Trivago.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

BITCH. Like I said, the effort he put in for your one year?? ✨immaculate✨. Like honestly sometimes your dates are 🌸🍡🍭🌈✨ and then other times they're like ⛓️🖤🔪🥀🩸. But he puts a lot of effort into making sure the date you do fits with your mood. Tired? Stay at home date. Hyper? You go to the beach or park. Chill? Stargazing. Craving stuff? Cafe and restaurant dates. As for everyday tasks... he lacks motivation and usually gets distracted when he starts them however he tries his best to do the things you ask him to do.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He tends to accidentally neglect you for volleyball. Does he mean to? No, but the boy struggles to prioritise for god's sake. (After Suga talks to him he tries to be better at it but sometimes he still falls into it). HE ALSO LEAVES DIRTY CLOTHES EVERYWHERE BUT WHAT TEEN DOESN'T??

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Averagely concerned. The blonde in his hair is fading?? Asks you to redo it for him. It's his signature look and he demands to be a standout libero. Just wants to be able to be noticed by something outside of his skills ig.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

IUYTRESXDFGHJK MAAM/SIR/HOOMAN. This puppy of a boy would practically d i e without you by his side. He doesn't care whether he has you in his life as his s/o or his friend. He just knows he needs you to be in his life. periodt 💅.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He likes climbing trees but half the time he gets stuck and has to jump out meaning you're at the bottom catching him-

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn't like, either in general or in a partner?)

Doesn't really like it when someone easily gives up on their goals. He knows if you've seen yourself being able to do it, then you can. But if you give up super quickly?? He's gonna be disappointed.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

HE CLINGS TO YOU LIKE A KOALA BEAR!!! Hear me out, baby boy just wants to be close to the person he loves and so this lead to him holding onto you while you both sleep!

[nice-kill-tanaka]

May I have a my hero and ohshc matchup plz

I'm a short girl around 5'2 with long brown hair and eyes and a leo. I like anime,dragons,reptiles,drawing but I'm not good,tarantulas,sweets,video games, memes,dark humor. I am very kind but I care more about others than I do myself. I have bad anxiety. I tend to overthink about everything. I love to sing especially country music but I am tone deaf. I have trouble standing up for myself because I was bullied alot. I can be very blunt. I also love to swear. I can be very loud. I love a good mystery and cop shows. I love dad jokes and puns.I am terrified of bees and heights. I am very lazy but I can be good at doing stuff if motivated. I have a very kind heart and sad stories or ones with very happy endings make my heart happy or hurt like crazy. But even though I'm kind that doesn't mean i am nice all the time. I am extremely grumpy and have a short temper especially on no sleep or if I just woke up. I also do have adhd and some anxiety I dont like being touched randomly unless I know it will happen or if I touch someone. As for dreams I'm not sure I wanna be a voice actor but not too sure if its right for me as I don't know how to edit or even have the equipment. I want someone who can just listen to me as I ramble on about things I love. I want someone to understand that I think differently then normal people. I also want someone to be able to understand im not the most affectionate person but I can be if given time but I will help someone if they are touch starved like I am.

[🌄 @cutelittleriot requested one (1) regular My Hero Academia matchup. I have just the ingredients for that! Sit tight while I get to work.🌌]

YAYYY!! First bnha matchup!! I gotchu bud 👍 I’m thinking about trying something new for the bnha fandom in particular. So, I’ll try it out and see what you think! Also, I got a little carried away with this one, so if it doesn’t seem characteristically accurate to you, please tell me!! 😖

And, the lucky person is:

⛰Eijiro Kirishima⛰

Quirk: Dragon

Dragon is a mutation quirk. It manifests slowly over time, until the user becomes about 60% dragon-esque at around 15/16 years old.

Scales and tough skin appear on the arms, legs, and face. Sharp teeth and claws grow in. Horns protrude from the forehead. A tail grows from the spine. Finally, wings grow from the back.

Flesh becomes twice as tough in places where scales are.

Depending on the user’s body type, wing usage is limited. (Since you’re generally shorter than average, “flying” and gliding comes easier to you.)

When the user consumes pressurized carbon dioxide, their stomach converts it into flammable gasses. Which allows the user to breathe- er...burp...fire.

Fire must be carefully used however. The smoke produced can accidentally be breathed in, causing lung damage.

🌱Humble Beginnings🌱

I’ll start by saying this: Being bullied is never fun. Being bullied over something you can’t easily control or change? Rub salt in it, why don’tcha?

You weren’t sure what the select few kids in your grade thought was so hilarious about your quirk. But, they managed to find enough wrong with it to do their damage for most of your time in school

First, the patches of scales that showed up on your skin were “too weak”. Then, your awkward transition stage with growing horns, wings, and tail was suddenly “ugly”

By the time your quirk fully manifested, the jeers finally devolved to “freak-ish”

Like a river carving out the Grand Canyon, the work was slow and wore you down over time. But, the impact was a lot bigger than even you’d initially thought

While you managed to somewhat heal and learned to guard your emotions against such hurtful things, that’s all you learned to do: Guard yourself. You were a shield with no spear, since you never fought back

With the help of supportive parents and teachers, your self-esteem wasn’t so low, but you did often downplay or underestimate your abilities

Like, Bitch??? You can burp fire??? Know your power???

The people you were on good terms with seemed to see a potential that you either disregarded, or didn't know about all together

They saw the way you treated others with consideration and forethought. How, despite (or because of) your anxiety, you remained hyper-aware of the problems of others and how to accommodate. And while your anger did have its vices, people knew how hot your righteous rage could burn

It actually took a lot of convincing for you to even apply to U.A. 

Outside of your other aspirations for the future, you didn’t particularly feel worthy for the job. Of anything you could be, you weren’t a fearless, upstanding, unshakable individual, not even giving a second thought to throwing yourself into danger for the good of others. You weren’t your alleged definition of a hero, and that was enough to deter you

But, whenever you recited your polite (well-rehearsed) decline, most gave you the same weirdly optimistic retort:

“Just try, maybe you’ll do better than you’re giving yourself credit for.”

So, here you were at an entrance exam full of people you hardly knew, wondering how you even rationalized to yourself that this would go just fine

The written exam went okay. As well as you could for literally guessing what to study to pass

All you had to do was do your best on the physical exam, and you’d be done for the day

But, your issue was in the people around you, not the exam itself

You were aware of the high amount of attention the moment you walked onto campus. The way other kids measured you up from a distance, studying everything about your not-so-human body. Watching your every move, especially the way your movements were strained from soreness (A short period of intense training tends to do that to you). You assumed they also wanted to see if your disposition was as powerful as your quirk suggested

((You specifically noticed a coltish, green-haired kid muttering to himself, questioning if your wings could actually support your body weight))

Even now, as the prospective heroes-in-training warmed up, you felt the stares burning into you

Half of you wanted to lift your eyes and rhetorically ask what the hell they were looking at, only feeling more annoyed as you snorted and returned to what you were doing. The other half wanted to fold into yourself until you disappeared (If only it were that easy)

But, you had enough (Roughly, one billion) worries on your mind to put confrontation on the list. Shaking off your anxious shivers as you lowered your head and continued with your “stretches” seemed so much easier

(A.k.a. Staring off into space as you held your limbs in awkward positions)

The time to begin the physical test was drawing near, and your self-doubt hadn’t eased up. Maybe this was a mistake. You didn’t belong here. Not when so many other students could fill the space you’re wasting so much better. Maybe if you slipped through the back now, you’d save yourself the disappointment of not living up to your own standards

“Hey, brown-haired girl! With the horns!”

You heard a gruff whisper from not to far behind you, from the left. You tensed for a moment, wondering what the voice could possibly want from you. But, the sight you saw was rather unexpected

The voice definitely matched the body, bulky and slightly rough looking, a little taller than you. Matched with a sweet face, sharp teeth, and bright, spiky, red hair. The smile he showed you instantly calmed your thoughts

“…Hm?”

You gave a short response, not wanting to jump to conclusions yet

“I saw you looking kinda psyched out over here, so I thought talking to you would make you less nervous!”

You felt a warm and fuzzy sensation in the pit of your stomach. As much encouragement as you got to achieve things, you didn’t see much of it to consider how you felt. How you could feel better. You liked it, which was surprising, considering the encouragement came from a perfect stranger

“Oh, uhh…thanks then. But, I’m fine, I promise! I’m no more nervous than you are.”

“Well, that’s also why I came to talk…I’m kinda freaking out too…”

This boy’s transparency was almost scary, but on the other hand, very comforting. You didn’t catch him trying to stare at your mutated parts once as you talked. Your eyes were the thing he seemed the most focused on, and while it made you embarrassed, it was the good kind (if that makes sense)

But, soon enough, the announcement for the beginning of the exam came over the loudspeaker, and you and your acquaintance had to look out for yourselves. But, before you parted ways, the redhead turned to you

“I’m Eijiro Kirishima, by the way! See you when I see you, Shortie!”

🌳Flourishing Love🌳

The beginning of Kirishima seeing you as a romantic option happened not too long after parting ways at the physical exam

He was almost completely cornered by one of the machines students could disarm for points. And just as that was happening, you had just turned the corner after shaking off another one

You saw Kirishima, but he definitely didn’t see you, trying hard to look tough, but struggling to stand his ground

It quickly dawned on you that Kirishima didn’t have a quirk that could easily deal with the hostile device. And if he did, he was too scared to use it

You vetoed the idea of charging in head on first. You didn’t feel like getting yourself or Kirishima hurt. Especially without a plan. You needed to be smart about getting your only acquaintance out of this situation

Your heart raced and your execution was all but clean, but you ended up using your fire breath to weld the robot’s wheels to the concrete

Before you let your inhibitions get the better of you, you climbed the machine and punched out the camera on the front. From atop the beast, you hung your tail over the edge low enough for Kirishima to grab. You didn’t dare look down at the ground

“Dammit Eijiro, grab on!!”

Once you felt a weight on your tail, you used your wings to propel you both forward. Obviously, away from the robot

You were too high on adrenaline and fear to notice, but Kirishima stared at you like you were the embodiment of Heaven on Earth. The stars in his eyes almost seemed inappropriate for the situation 😅

You looked just as—if not more—afraid than he was. But, you seemed so okay with the fact that you weren’t fearless, and acted like a true hero anyway. He admired, dare I say loved that about you

And he didn’t even know your name

As soon as you found out that you and Kirishima were in the same class, you felt instant relief. At least you were familiar with someone at U.A.

You guys’ friendship developed rather fast, like and extrovert adopting an introvert

Kirishima quickly noticed how fast you opened up once you got comfortable around him, and loved you all the more for how bright and vibrant the unfiltered you was

He found himself picking up on your sense of humor, telling dad jokes you whisper under your breath to the Bakusquad (Much to Bakugou’s dismay 😅)

Don’t worry, he always gives you the credit 😉

As time went on, Kirishima learned to appreciate how blunt you were. He realized that he needed someone to tell it like it is (“It isn’t manly to sugarcoat things! 😤” he says)

And while Kirishima prefers physical activities over video games, he loves to hype you up while you play before classes

It was only natural a mutual crush would form :D

Kirishima finally worked up the guts to ask you out after the U.S.J. Incident

You and him had gotten separated (You had gotten trapped with the cold son of Endeavor. And you both took out the villains with an awe-inspiring display of fire and ice)

Kirishima was faced with the reality that either of you could lose each other at any moment. And while both of you came out alright, he realized he couldn’t be wishy-washy about his feelings for you

He told you on your way to school the next morning:

“Look. What happened yesterday really scared me. Normally, I wouldn’t say that, but I think you deserve to know. Because…you mean a lot to me!! More than I can put into words. I love when we have fun together, and I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I never got to tell you how I felt…”

“Basically…I like you!! Like…in the romantic way…”

Your early morning grumpiness dissipated almost instantly, replaced by momentary confusion and disbelief, then embarrassment and joy. Was this really happening…? The boy that took a chance on you since the beginning, confessed that he had feelings for you…? Even though you didn’t question your relationship, you always assumed the nice things Kirishima said, the way he looked at you, was all part of the pleasantries. You questioned if you were even worth all of that

‘But you are.’ The little voice Kirishima helped you develop said. ‘And he would say more if he didn’t look so embarrassed.’

And so, you accepted Kirishima’s confession. And he saw the sweetest smile you had ever given him since the first time he complimented your puns 😊❤️

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

[🌌 There you go bud! That’s one matchup for the road. Hopefully it lasts for a while, but if it doesn’t, feel free to come back! I’d be thrilled to see you again.🌄] —Reagan

[httpsaiki]

hi, I saw requests were open and had to send one >//< hope im not bugging you too badly eheh. anyways, may I request a teruhashi x fem!reader fic? maybe on a first date to a shopping district or mall. and reader is semi nervous and has slight doubts about dating someone like teruhashi, in which teruhashi reassures her.

Hi! You most certainly may! I loved this so much, I think Teruhashi is honestly a really great character and this idea was far too cute to pass up. That being said, this is very self-indulgent and I really hope you like it! Teruhashi deserves all the love! If this isnt’t what you wanted, please let me know and I am more than happy to redo it! Thank you for your request!!

----

Reader is female! There are mentions of insecurity of things like self-worth, social status and offhandedly body image, so please don’t read if you are sensitive to that.

WC: 1627

Kokomi and the reader have never had a proper date and today seems like a great day! But, the reader is nervous as Kokomi is just so perfect in her eyes (and everyone else’s). She of course picks up on this, and comforts her beloved girlfriend.

—————————————————–

You had been adding the finishing touches to your outfit, getting ready to head out. Were you ready for this, though? A date? With Teruhashi? While you were close enough to her to know a bit more of her true self - you are dating after all - it was always at least a little nervewracking being in public with her. Normally, your dates would be stay at home things, like study dates or a simple dinner, nothing out of the ordinary from before you started dating. You opted for the small things as Teruhashi got constant stares and her fans could be over the top sometimes. It could be very stressful, as you both usually just wanted to relax together. Today, on the other hand, you’d made plans to go out shopping It was finally summer vacation, so why not give it a shot? You two always talked about looking for clothes together and walking around cute shops and sightseeing.

The thing was, Teruhashi looked perfect no matter what she wore. You adore that about her, of course! But it did make getting yourself ready rather stressful. Every time you got dressed to see her, you’d always ask yourself how you’re so lucky. Before you got together, you’d been friends for a good while, and eventually, it evolved into more. You were both happier this way, and you knew she did care deeply for you. Still, you needed to find the perfect outfit for this outing, and the one you were wearing just wouldn’t cut it. This would be what you both classified as your first date, it was a big deal and you felt you needed to look your best.

You really had the best luck, huh? Right as you were about to change, the doorbell rang. Teruhashi was here already! This outfit would have to do. Running over to the door after quickly checking everything over, you opened it to see Teruhashi standing there, a polite smile adorned on her face.

Oh wow. She's stunning. Even more so than usual, she just looked perfect. Feeling your nerves come back even stronger, you tried your best to match her smile, greeting her, to which she excitedly echoed the greeting. It was time to go shopping, and you would just have to see how this works out.

On the way there, you both managed to make small talk. Whether it be talking about each other’s day or small things, like how nice it was that school was out for a bit. Nevertheless, this part was nice. There was little to no public pressure, save for the occasional stare from some random person, but that was something that you’d gotten used to by now. Once closer to the mall, you became quiet. It would be busy today, a lot of people would see you. You still believed your social status was so far from Teruhashi’s, and she would be embarrassed to be seen in public with you. You continued to make your way to the mall, despite being lost in thought. You managed to hide your doubts from Teruhashi for the time being.

The first shop you entered was a clothing shop. Despite it being generic, you and Teruhashi had a great time picking clothes for each other to try, whether they be purposefully horrendous or genuinely good-looking clothing. Both of you walked out with something new, but nothing that you had picked for yourselves, choosing to favour the clothes the other had picked out. It was a wonderful time, and that continued for a few more clothes stores, both of you giggling and smiling the whole time. You’d also visited some book stores, browsing various selections and enjoying each other's company (albeit, a bit quieter now). You held hands as you browsed some novels with Teruhashi, trying to find something you could read together on a future date.

Your worries had been long forgotten until you walked through the doors of the shop you dreaded the most. It was summer, so it only made sense she’d want to visit a shop like this. A swim shop. You hesitated to enter the door, and the change in your personality was almost immediate. You became more reserved, knowing Teruhashi would outshine you here no matter what you did. 

“Y/N?” Teruhashi turned towards you, grabbing your hand, “Is everything alright? You’ve gone quiet…”

Of course, she’d notice, this is Teruhashi, the most wonderfully observant person you know. She’s always worried more about the people around her rather than herself. 

“Sorry,” you apologized, “I’m fine, though.” Well, that wasn’t very convincing. It was hard to lie to her, and the rush of nervousness and doubt didn’t make it any easier. Teruhashi looked at you in the eyes, you’d never seen her so unimpressed. 

“I know you’re lying. Let’s go out to that bench. Please tell me what’s wrong.” She pulled you out of the swim shop, to the bench she’d pointed out earlier. She sat down and looked at you with the most serious expression she could muster. She was genuinely concerned, that much you could sense. It was easy to see in her eyes how much she cared, and you knew there was no way she’d give up on this.

Looks like you had no choice but to tell her, She’s worried about you, and there was no resisting that. Once Teruhashi got her mind set on something, she always saw it through to the end. And you being upset on your first date? She cared about you far too much to watch it any more. She wanted to help you feel better, more than she’s ever wanted to help anyone before.

“Okay. I’ll tell you.” She gave you a reassuring smile, holding one of your hands in both of hers as if to tell you that it’s going to be alright and she would be there to help you through this. With a sigh, you explained your feelings of inferiority, how you knew she could do better, and how you felt you would only ever hold her back. Her smile never wavered. It wasn’t happy, no, it stayed reassuring and supportive, communicating she had listened attentively to all of what you said.

“Y/N..” She trailed off. For once in Teruhashi’s life, she had no idea how to reply. How was she to tell you just how much you mean to her? How she thinks you might very well be the most beautiful girl in the world. You were everything she wanted in a person. Supportive, understanding, caring, and someone who’s able to see her as more than just a pretty face. She leaned in a bit closer, hugging you briefly before deciding on what to say.

“Thank you for telling me. I want you to know that I really don’t see you that way, and even if I know I can’t change how you see yourself, I want you to trust me when I say there is nobody else I want to be with. You’re so perfect for me, and I could never be happier with another girl in my life. I’ve had an amazing time with you, and you are so so much more than you think you are. I know I can’t fix it, but please let me support you and help you feel better for the time being.” 

By the end of her little speech, you both had tears in your eyes. You’d never cried in front of her, but this time you couldn’t help it. She hugged you again as those tears fell, rubbing your back to comfort you until you felt better. 

Once you calmed down, you offered to go back into the swim shop, if Teruhashi didn’t mind. You wanted a second try to have fun with your girlfriend. That’s right. Girlfriend. The word hit you harder than it had before, she picked you and it really wasn’t a joke. You smiled next to her, walking back into the swim shop.

“Hey, Teruhashi-” You were interrupted by her before you could finish. 

“Call me Kokomi.” To that, you just about screamed. Your smile widened greatly (and in her head, Teruhashi had a mini-meltdown and how cute you are).

“Okay. Kokomi, do you want to get matching swimsuits?”

She clapped her hands together, practically jumping in excitement. “I do!”

Hurrying further into the store, you both searched the walls of swimsuits and accessories until you landed on a swimsuit that was just perfect. You showed it to Teruhashi, who thought it was the perfect one too. Buying them, along with some shoes and sunglasses that Teruhashi picked out, you headed out of the store. It was getting late anyway.

You would both say today’s date had been a success. Feeling closer to your girlfriend, and getting the reassurance that you had no idea how badly you needed, you felt a lot better than you had this morning. You would never know how nervous Teruhashi had been this morning, either. Maybe someday she’d be brave enough to tell you how you made her heart stop and managed to make everyone else disappear. You’re really something special to her. You dropped her off at her house, placing a goodbye kiss on her cheek, never having seen her face so red. She promptly did the same, thanking you for such a wonderful day, and telling you how she hopes you two can do something together again soon.

And who knows, maybe you guys would have to go to the beach sometime soon. Those swimsuits need use, right? No matter what you did, as long as it was together, you and Teruhashi would be able to rock this world. With her, you knew you could do anything.

[kiwjongdae]

got7 reaction | mine by bazzi

warnings: some suggestive stuff in jaebum's but other than this none

••

im jaebum:

"hands on your body, i don't wanna waste no time. feels like forever even if forever's tonight"

you hadn't seen jaebum in days. not since that stupid fight you had in which he stormed out from your place and never called or returned. being the proud person you were, you sure weren't going to call first. he was the one who was wrong.

trying to forget about it, you decided to enjoy a nice bath. you were in the middle of relaxing when you heard a noise coming from the living room. thinking it could be a burglar or something you quickly put on your robe and grabbed the closest thing to a weapon (a blower) you could find but when you arrived at the living room it was only jaebum.

you let out a sigh of relief "what are you doing, jaebum? i thought you-"

before you could finish your sentence his lips found yours. his kiss was hungry showing you how much he had missed you.

"i know i was wrong and i'm sorry" he said when you finally stopped to take a breath "i truly i am"

"then show me" you whispered in his ear and he wasted no more time.

mark tuan:

"girl, i lose myself up in those eye-eye-eye-eyes"

mark was sitting in front of you. you two had gone to a coffee shop you always went. it was when you had first met and now, you two would always go there. you were speaking to him for quite a while now but he wasn't saying anything nor expressing any reactions to your words. he was just staring at you.

"honey, are you okay?" you asked concerned.

it seemed like he had snapped out of a trance "y..yeah.. i am"

"are you sure?" you kept looking at him.

"yes, i am" he smiled and took your hand.

you resumed your talk but again mark couldn't focus. he never told you but your eyes were his weak spot. he got lost in them everytime. they were the most beautiful thing in the world for him, and he wished nothing more than just to get lost in them forever.

jackson wang:

"man, this feel incredible, i'll turn you into a bride, you're mine"

you had a problem in your apartment that's why you had spent the last few days in jackson's while yours was repaired. you two were together almost 24/7, sleeping and waking up in each other arms. your routines soon fell together: you would always wake up and take a shower, then you would wake up jackson for him to take his shower (you knew you both would be late if you took showers together in the morning), and then together you would make and eat breakfast.

one day you guys were sitting in the table eating your breakfast calmly, well at least you were because jackson couldn't take his eyes off you.

"aren't you gonna eat, love?" you asked looking at him.

"i'm in love with this" he said.

"this what?" you were confused.

"this!" he gesticulated to you and him "waking and sleeping with you, eating breakfast together, leaving the house together, coming back together..i guess i'll just have to marry you"

you almost chocked on your food and he had to help you "are you this shocked, y/n? i mean i thought it was pretty obvious that i wanted to marry you"

park jinyoung:

"you so fuckin' precious when you smile"

you two were already in bed. each one reading your own book. nights like these were common for you and jinyoung. you both would enjoy each others company even if you weren't talking. you were so concentrated in your book that you didn't notice that jinyoung had stopped reading his and was now looking at you. he found so precious how you would try to cover your smile while reading.

"i love it when you smile, you know" he said making you look away from your book.

"what did you say, baby? i'm sorry i didn't listen" you asked smiling.

jinyoung chuckled and instead of answering you, he just took the book out of your hands making sure to keep the page you were marked, and planted a kiss on your lips.

"i said i love it when you smile" he said with his lips still pressed on yours.

choi youngjae:

"just lay with me, waste this night away with me"

your finals week was coming faster than you wanted and it was driving you crazy. being on scholarship, you had to mantain your grades. you hadn't been sleep well for days already, always studying till late and waking up early to go to school. youngjae noticed the bags under your eyes and was determined to do something.

"love, can you please come here for a second!" youngjae called from your room while you were studying in the living room "it's important!"

you went against your will because you couldn't lose anymore time. when you made it to the room, everything was dark and there was a soft music playing and soon enough you felt hands on your waist.

"youngjae, what are you doing? i have to study!" you protested.

before you could say anything else, he picked you up bridal style and carried you to the bed, joining you soon after trapping you in his arms.

you opened your mouth to say something but he beat you in doing so "i know i know you have to study" he mimicked your voice "but love, you have to take care of yourself too! i can't stand you doing this to yourself, so at least for tonight, forget about everything and just lay here with me"

you knew he was right but still you had your obligations "just for tonight" you gave in closing your eyes and ajusting your self in his chest "thank you, love"

bambam:

"swear to god, i'm down if you're down, all you gotta say is right"

you had the craziest ideas sometimes and bambam just didn't know how to say no to you. that's why you too found yourselves lost in the middle of a forest. because you had decided that not following the actual trail would be more fun.

you two had been walking for hours and you just couldn't take any more, so you just sat in the ground and started crying.

"i'm so sorry, bam!" you said between sobs "i'm sorry i made you come with me to this stupid thing!"

"hey!" bambam was down on your side passing his hand on your back "you didn't make me do anything. i agreed to come. i would've agreed to come even if you had said we were going to climb a vocano. i'm down for whatever you say. that's how much i love you"

you cleaned up your face "does that mean you're gonna climb a vocano with me?"

this made bambam laugh and kiss your temple "let's not go this crazy just yet. i need more time with you, crazy girl"

kim yugyeom:

"even when it's rainy, all you ever do is shine"

yugyeom's plans for your date were completed ruined when started raining in the middle of your picnic. you two had to get everything so quickly and ran in search of a place to get cover from the rain.

to say yugyeom was disappointed was an understatement. he spent weeks planning this event for you and now everything was ruined. when you two finally found cover he looked at you, expecting to see disappointment all on your face, but instead you were smiling. the most beautiful smile he had ever seen, and when you looked at him it was like him was falling in love with you all over again.

"are you not disappointed?" he asked.

"not at all" you said taking his hand on yours "i'm with you after all"

[saeyoungs-sunflower]

Hello!! I like your hc so much! So i was wondering can i request the rfa+v, and saeran with an mc who is really insecure with her body so she starve herself on accident? If you’re not comfortable than you don’t have to!! Thank you tho :)

Hey there! Thank you so much, I’m glad you enjoy them😊I hope it’s okay but I mainly left out the eating part/made it brief. I’m really sorry, it’s just a bit of a delicate topic for me to write about but I really hope it’s still okay for you.

Just a reminder that it’s okay to feel insecure, but remember that you are not defined by your insecurities. I also don’t believe that there is one definition of beautiful, nor do I believe that thinking you are beautiful is vain or arrogant. Please be kind to yourselves, and if you are going through a rough patch with your body image or self-love, then I sincerely hope this can be a comfort for you and, if you can, I encourage you to reach out to someone or talk to a professional. My DMs are always open, if you ever need a chat or to rant then I’m here to listen. You are welcome and loved here💛

***

RFA with an insecure MC

Zen:

❤︎ now, if you’ve done his route, then you know that this man understands

❤︎ and we also know that his looks are very important to him, so he completely acknowledges your feelings and in no way invalidates them

❤︎ but that being said, this man worships your body

❤︎ if you guys weren’t together he would be the best wing man because he LOVES to praise you and lift you up, even if you aren’t feeling particularly insecure

❤︎ you got a new outfit? “YES GIRL YOU WORK IT” you do your makeup different? “YOU ARE SO TALENTED AND ARTISTIC YES” you’re in your sweats and your hair’s a mess you feel totally gross? “THAT’S MY GIRL RIGHT THERE WOW YOU ARE GLORIOUS”

❤︎ he’s very vocal about his love for you and his love for your body

❤︎ sometimes it can be a bit embarrassing and usually comments on your appearance can make you feel uncomfortable/self-conscious, but for some reason when he does it it gives you a lil confidence boost <3

❤︎ we’re no stranger to the fact that he is hot as fuck

❤︎ honestly makes a little mad like who gave you the audacity to look like that hMMM?

❤︎ so when you first started going out, your confidence plummeted

❤︎ and it didn’t help that, whilst the majority of his fans loved you and loved the relationship, there were a few that really got to you

❤︎ they would post some not very nice comments about you on the forum

❤︎ they were just jealous fanatics, but you didn’t know that and took what they said to heart

❤︎ you started working out a lot after that, probably a bit too much

❤︎ Zen picked up on this, and he was all for exercising with you but bbygirl you’re over doing it and you really don’t seem to be enjoying it

❤︎ so he decides to teach you how to dance!!!!

❤︎ that way, you still get the endorphins from exercise, but you also learn a great skill which gives you loads of confidence because guess what!!! you’re a natural and you look gorgeous when you dance!!!!

❤︎ teaches you that working out doesn’t necessarily need to be done for aesthetic purposes, and you can have loads of fun with your boo whilst you do it!

Yoosung:

★ bit like Zen, he kinda understands how you feel

★ he often expressed it in the chatroom that he was jealous of Zen’s looks, so I think this boy is also a little insecure

★ poor lil chicken nugget you’re beautiful too

★ but when you chose him over Zen?? oh boy the confidence boost

★ it was then that he got to appreciate that his looks didn’t mean everything, and he was grateful that he got to learn that from you

★ so when he found out you were insecure, it made him sad because??? you’re literally perfect????

★ he noticed that you were always second guessing yourself

★ you would always try on and so many outfits/do your hair over and over until giving up and throwing on whatever, but you always looked so defeated

★ he made a note from then on to always show you off to his friends like yeah bitch this is my hot ass girlfriend who also happens to be the most amazing person on earth what about it?

★ his social media is flooded with candid photos of you and the captions were always about how beautiful you were and how lucky he was to have you

★ however, he was still a little suspicious about your insecurities

★ when you were together and he asked if you want to grab something to eat, you had always “already eaten”, which started to seem unlikely especially in some situations

★ so whenever you came over, he would cook you SUPER delicious food

★ this boy is a cooking GOD

★ he also tried to make sure they were fairly healthy and balanced meals so you wouldn’t feel guilty about eating

★ little by little, your relationship with food became healthier once you discovered how good it could be when you cook properly

★ but also insecurities and bad eating habits don’t go away over night

★ so he always leaves post-it notes around reminding you to eat and take care of yourself, and also one’s that tell you how much he cares and loves everything about you

★ he’s so damn cute somebody hold me

Jaehee:

☞ GIRL SAME

☞ i know i’m repeating myself but this lady gets you

☞ we know that when she started working for Jumin, he made her cut her hair and wear fake glasses, and even though she looked HOT AS HELL (yes baehee work it) she just felt wrong and uncomfortable about her appearance

☞ so she could pick up on the fact that you were insecure from the get go

☞ she noticed how you would shy away from pictures, and you always wore clothes that would hide your body

☞ well that just won’t do

☞ something must be done

☞ you wILL FEEL THE LOVE MC YOU WILL

☞ organises a shopping trip for you to try on some hella cool outfits

☞ invites Zen along because, as stated above, he is very vocal with his praise and is just really good at hyping you up

☞ pretty sure everyone in the shop hates you because Jaehee and Zen do not hold back whenever you come out of the changing room lmao

☞ you may have been kicked out of one shop but let’s not worry about that

☞ you came home with some pretty fire outfits that were really flattering on you and just made you feel great ya know?

☞ Jaehee is usually pretty shy when asking you personal questions

☞ but she wants to help you, so one night over dinner she manages to get you to open up to her

☞ and man Jaehee is a good listener

☞ as a woman, i feel like she is able to understand where you’re coming from more than any of the others, so you’re in good hands :)

Jumin:

♚ this man…

♚ he just doesn’t get it i’m so sorry

♚ it’s not that he doesn’t care about your insecurities or thinks you are ridiculous for feeling that way, not at all actually

♚ looks were just never something he really thought about it in general

♚ he knew he was ‘good-looking’ and he knew what was considered ‘good-looking’, he just never cared about it much

♚ at first he was just like??? but you’re literally MC??? what is there to be insecure about???

♚ you had done pretty well at hiding your insecurities at the beginning of your relationship

♚ which was helped by the fact that Jumin would never assume that you had anything to dislike about yourself, so he never looked out for/noticed the signs

♚ it took a whole year guys damn

♚ it had been a year since you got together, so he wanted to take you out for a lovely meal

♚ but he also bought you a beautiful dress

♚ haha…

♚ this was where it went tits up lmao

♚ you were so grateful for it, it was a really stunning dress and you were actually pretty excited to try it on

♚ and so was he hehehe

♚ but when you came out of the bathroom and looked at yourself in the mirror, he noticed that your eyes were welling up and boi your face did not look happy

♚ Jumin’s like: ??????

♚ Jumin.exe has stopped working

♚ instantly takes you in his arms, shushing and cooing you as he rubbed your back

♚ “My love, what is it?”

♚ after a few sniffles, you knew you just had be honest with him

♚ “I’m sorry, Jumin. It’s the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen but I just ruin it…it belongs on someone else, not on me.”

♚ holds you so much tighter and even starts to feel tears prick his own eyes

♚ he takes a different approach to compliments

♚ he finds a way to compliment your appearance without sounding superficial or fake

♚ instead of “you’re beautiful”, he goes for “your smile lights up the room” or “you carry so much warmth and kindness in your eyes”

♚ it’s his way of letting you know that he thinks you’re the most gorgeous thing to walk the planet, but while also telling you that you are so much more than what you look like

Saeyoung:

☀︎ hoo hoo boiiiiii

☀︎ i’m just gonna cut to the chase

☀︎ he found out during some ~sexy times~

☀︎ i’m not going into graphic detail it’s not that kind of post ;)

☀︎ things were getting hella heated like damn

☀︎ so he started to ya know like…unbutton your shirt

☀︎ why am i actually getting embarrassed while writing this i need to get a grip

☀︎ spot the virgin lmfao

☀︎ but then you stopped him and he’s like P A N I C

☀︎ terrified that he crossed a line bby chill for a sec

☀︎ but then you ask if you could turn off the light and he starts to suspect that you don’t want him to see your body

☀︎ he’s so gentle about the topic it’s very sweet

☀︎ he wants you to know that he loves every fibre of your being, but he also doesn’t want to push you if you’re uncomfortable

☀︎ “MC, I adore every part of you, including your body. If you want me to turn off the light I absolutely will, but if you let me, I want to show you just how much you mean to me.”

☀︎ you hesitated, but eventually agreed to leave the light on

☀︎ and JESUS CHRIST HE DID NOT DISAPPOINT

☀︎ Saeyoung has an incredible attention to detail, as well as patience

☀︎ and he took his sweet time with you lemme tell ya

☀︎ you’re pretty sure he kissed every inch on your body whilst also whispering his praise as he did so

☀︎ he honestly made you feel like a Goddess

☀︎ everything he said was sincere and he just treated you with so much care and love and that shit is contagious

☀︎ ever since then, he was more physically affectionate with you until eventually you didn’t even think twice when undressing in front of him

☀︎ hello yes i would like to order one Saeyoung pls thank you

☀︎ actual love of my life

V / Jihyun:

❁ he asked you to be his model for one of his paintings

❁ and you were like ummmm……okay maybe it won’t be too bad????

❁ but this man has no chill

❁ he wanted you to be semi-nude and you were like h e l l  n o

❁ he was also Confused™

❁ you tried to make up some excuse but it was hopeless

❁ so you just told him that being nude in front of him was already difficult for you, but for you body to be on display for others to see was just too much

❁ this sweet man

❁ his heart broke

❁ it hurt him so much to know that someone with such a kind soul ever doubted her worth, especially because of something like your looks

❁ you were absolutely stunning to him, but he wanted you to believe that yourself

❁ he made a deal with you that if you modelled for him and were still uncomfortable with the outcome, then it would only ever be seen by you two

❁ you reluctantly agreed, and he made it his mission to make you see yourself through his eyes

❁ it took him a while to complete, but when he did oh man

❁ you full on started sobbing

❁ OH SHIT HE MADE MC CRY PANIC PANIC

❁ someone help this man

❁ you managed to tell him that you weren’t crying because you were upset, but because you never thought that you would ever see yourself as beautiful

❁ but the way he painted you GOOD G R I E F

❁ he made you look ethereal, and you couldn’t believe that this was how he saw you

❁ you didn’t even focus on the parts of you that you would usually hate because he made them look so heavenly and like,,,they belonged there???

❁ “Jihyun, you made me look so lovely.”

❁ “No, my love, that’s just what I saw. Everything you see here is you, nothing else.”

❁ okay great he made you cry even more goOD jOb jIhYuN

Saeran:

☽ ha ha ha ha ha

☽ you thought Jumin was bad?? oh i am so sorry my guy

☽ he just has no clue

☽ “What do you mean? Why do you care about how you look? You’re not ugly or anything.”

☽ gee thank you Saeran

☽ but also you are not helping in the slightest

☽ he’s REALLY not good at expressing his affection okay pls give him a break

☽ but he’s not heartless come on now

☽ it took him a while to fully understand where you were coming from, and even then he struggled to find a way to help

☽ Saeran is a very quiet supporter

☽ it’s hard to spot to the naked eye, but you know when Saeran cares for you because you feel it

☽ the first thing he notices is your body language

☽ and since he doesn’t really know what to do, he kinda just...adjusts you

☽ for example, if he sees that your body language is very closed off, almost like your trying to hide your body, he’ll silently move your shoulders and fix your posture so you are more open

☽ and if he sees you bow your head or try to block your face, he’ll silently lift your chin up

☽ but the most important part is that when he does this, he always smiles at you

☽ now Saeran is very careful with expressing his emotions. so when he does show his feelings, you know he means it

☽ so you started to hold yourself with more certainty and confidence, because it made him smile to see you not hiding away

☽ ‘fake it til you make it’ is a very real thing, and eventually it became natural to embrace every part of you

☽ when he became more comfortable, he told you that he was proud of how far you’d come and how he loved to see you feel good in your own skin

***

Thank you anon for the request, I hope you’re doing okay. Once again, anyone is welcome to message me if you’re struggling and need a friend to talk to <3 x

[ameliasdefend]

3 AM

Hey! So im new around here, and lately Ive been reading amelink fanfics, and I got inspired to start writing fanfics again after 2 years. My writing skills are reaaaallly rusty, so I dont know what this is, but I do hope you guys will enjoy it<3

Written in Maggie and Winston’s POV, set shortly after 17x06

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maggie Pierce’s laughter broke the silence of the deathly stillness of the night in the city of Seattle. It was 3 am, so the streets outside of the house she shared with her sisters, was awfully quiet. Her boyfriend, Winston had just cracked a joke that made her burst into a laughing fit, cracking the serenity of the atmosphere.

“You’re going to wake up the entire neighborhood!”, Winston teased, trying to hold back his own laughter but to no avail. They came from the hotel Maggie was living at temporarily to get some stuff from her room. Since the pandemic was still showing no signs of slowing down, she might have to stay at the hotel longer than expected. She was not complaining though; since Winston’s unexpected arrival, nights in the hotel were not as lonely and depressing as before.

Maggie took in deep breaths to calm herself, and her laughter eventually ceased.

Grinning at her boyfriend, she led the way onto the pavement of Meredith’s house towards the front door. “We’ll be in and out. Don’t make any noise, or you’ll wake up the kids. Amelia will kill us.” Maggie whispered in a serious tone.

“Oh, so now you want to be quiet?”

Maggie rolled her eyes and lightly slapped his shoulder, feigning annoyance. “You’re the one who made me laugh.” She said as a matter-of-factly, earning a chuckle from Winston.

“Now hushhhh.” Maggie unlocked the door, turning the knob slowly, and carefully pushing the door open. The living room was dark, as expected. It was 3 am, so everyone must be asleep.

Or....not.

A familiar sound of soft giggles floated from the brightly illuminated kitchen. Maggie turned to look over her shoulder at Winston who was arching his eyebrows— a questioning look painted his face. He then frowned his brows and started sniffing the air. “Do you smell that babe?” Maggie took a long wisp of the air, closing her eyes slowly as a sweet-smelling aroma filled her nostrils.

“Is that chocolate?” she whispered, making her way towards the source of the good smell, Winston trailing behind.

Upon entering the kitchen, she gasped. “Since when do you guys bake??” Maggie exclaimed in shocked as the scene in the kitchen unfolded in front of her eyes.

Her sister, Amelia, clad in a yellow apron, with her shoulder-length hair tied up in a messy bun, was spooning what looked like a very creamy, fudge-y chocolate cake into her boyfriend’s mouth. They stood behind the kitchen island, of which the surface was heavily powdered white with flour, occupied with baking trays, milk cartons, pieces of chocolate bars, and several other baking tools Maggie has never seen anyone use in this house.

The couple paused their movements and turned to look at Maggie, whose face was in utter disbelief.

It would have been a rather funny sight, if not for the absurdity of the whole scenario, with the spoon of cake that Amelia was holding in Link’s mouth, their chocolate smudged faces, and their puzzled expressions from being interrupted by Maggie’s dramatic entrance.

“Um... hello to you too,” Amelia said amusingly as she turns her gaze back to Link and finished feeding him the bite of cake. She took a napkin and lightly dabbed away the chocolate smudges on the corners of his mouth, smiling gently up at him before facing Maggie once again.

“What are you doing here?” Amelia let out a small laugh.

“We came to get some stuff from Maggie’s room”, Winston, who had been silently watching the sisters’ comical exchange replied.

Amelia’s eyes snapped towards him in surprise. Her attention had been focused on Maggie that she hadn’t noticed his presence.

Noting her surprised look, Winston realized that this was the first time they met in person. He offered her a smile, placing his hand across his chest and bowed slightly, the new ‘handshake’ in the Covid era. “It’s nice to finally be able to meet the two of you in person.”

Amelia smiled back; a sheepish grin etched across her face. “Likewise.” Her eyes scanned him from top to bottom, making him feel a little self-conscious and awkward. When her eyes met his again, she let out a light chuckle. “Welppp, you’re way hotter in person. It’s a wonder how Maggie could do the whole long-distance thing. I could never.” Winston wasn’t sure whether to laugh or not, so he ended making eye contact with Link.

“It’s true.” Link nodded, swallowing the cake in his mouth. “Here, wanna try some cake?” Link nodded his head towards the cake in front of him. Winston couldn’t help but smile at the easy-going nature of Amelia and Link. Although he didn’t really know them yet, he could tell that they were very warm and light-hearted people.

“Did you guys really bake that yourselves?” Maggie asked, still curious as to how this baking session came about. She rounded the kitchen table, coming to stand in between Amelia and Link, and facing the perfectly round-shaped chocolate fudge cake. She bent down so her eyes were leveled with the top of the cake. “It’s perfect...” she muttered, examining the cake closely.

“Maggie, it that shocking that we can bake?” Amelia asked her sister, pursing her lips in mocked annoyance.

Maggie straightened herself, her eyes still on the cake which looked too good to be true. “I mean, kind of.... but only because you’ve never baked before.”

“It was an impulse decision. We thought of doing something fun and since Bailey’s birthday is coming soon, baking a cake seemed like a good idea.” Amelia explained. “Want some? It’s really good.”

“No thanks”, Maggie replied, shaking her head. “I’d love some but maybe later… when the sun is up. It’s 3 am, why are you guys even baking at this time?” she asked, looking from Amelia to Link.

“The kids are asleep, so we get to do what we want without their strong tiny arms dragging us away for something.” Link told her. “They’re monsters in disguise as cute little humans,” he muttered, before spooning another bite of the cake. Amelia just nodding in agreement.

Maggie moved from between them, rounding the table again to stand next to Winston, “Well then, shouldn’t you guys be getting some sleep?”

“What even is sleep?”, Amelia and Link said flatly together. They locked eyes, amused at their synchronized answer. A small chuckle coming from both sides.

She knew her nieces and nephew can be a lot, and on top of having to care for a new-born, Amelia and Link were sleep-deprived. And yet, they were baking, and laughing at the wee hours in the morning. A-dork-able. Maggie felt a small smile crept onto her face, as she observed how happy her sister was. If she knew Amelia at all, deep down her heart was aching for Meredith and maybe her mind was spiraling with constant fear and worry. And if that was really the case, it didn’t show. At least, not at this moment. All Maggie saw was her bright smile, and loving eyes as she looked up at Link.

With the way they were looking at each other, Maggie now felt like she and Winston were third-wheeling on them. Before they could start kissing or getting all gushy feelings, Maggie turned to Winston, motioning for Winston to follow her to the stairs. “Well, we’re heading upstairs. Enjoy the cake,” she called over her shoulder, but she was certain they weren’t listening to her anymore.

As they tiptoed up the stairs, Winston whispered into her ear, “They look happy.”

“Yeah...” Maggie whispered back, a wide grin slowly forming on her lips. Her mind wandered around, thinking of how happy Amelia was…

“Do you think we’ll ever get on their level?”, Winston’s playful voice interrupted her blissful thoughts.

“Nah, I don’t think so.” She teased.

[krsnbgirl]

Fly High! || Kageyama xFem!Reader || Part 5

Summary: Hinata and Kageyama come over for a tutoring session since exams are right around the corner. Finally, they have a chance to have a little peek of your personal life at home after getting to know you more through your lunch time tutoring sessions. Kageyama also touches base with you about your decision which has finally come to an answer.

Pairing: Kageyama Tobio x Fem!Reader

Genre: Rom-Com, Slice of Life, Sports

Warnings: None for this chapter

Chapter's Word Count: ~3.1k

Author's Note: This is somewhat of a filler chapter, well in some cases hahaha. There are more moments with Kageyama though! All interactions with the story are much appreciated, but I would love to hear some feedback through the comments ; ^ ; I'm not sure if my writing is any good, but I'm assuming it's been going alright considering all the notes on the series?? Don't mind me, just being a little insecure about my writing atm...^^;

Taglist: @misnmatchedsox​ @monviemoo​ @love-beyond-words​ 

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || || Part 5.5 || Part 6 || Masterlist 

The blaring sound of a phone going off echoed through the bedroom as you sleepily reached out for it and took it off its charger. Squinting at the sudden brightness, you saw who was calling you and sighed. Right when you pressed the green button, the upbeat voice of your best friend could be heard. Still trying to wake up, you changed the call to be on speaker as you listened to Nishinoya ramble about his morning. Then you winced when he suddenly exclaimed about the new information he received from his fellow teammates during their morning practice.

“You’re tutoring the two idiots later today?!”

You yawned and stretched to get your body to feel more awake before replying, “Oh yeah...Hinata asked if they could squeeze in some more studying time before exams this week.”

“(Y/N)-chan, you’re a girl and you can’t just have two boys over when you’re home alone!”

You rolled your eyes and picked up your phone as you got out of bed. Making your way towards the kitchen, you smiled to yourself as you saw the plate of food your mom left. Taking a seat in front of the food, you settled down to enjoy your meal.

“You’re being overprotective Yu-nii. Just because our moms went on a trip together doesn’t mean you’re in charge of me.”

“UH YES I AM, I AM OLDER THAN YOU BY A YEAR.”

You laughed before digging into the food and said, “Okay and if it’ll ease your mind you can come over if you’d like and join us.”

“Ugh I wish I could, but I already promised Ryuu and Ennoshita that we would study together...we’re not trying to let you first years beat us!”

“Wait, how did you know they were coming over anyway?” You asked before taking a sip of your water.

“We had an early practice today and during our jog, Hinata was saying how excited he was to hang out with you.”

“Aw, that’s cute. He really is a ray of sunshine, isn’t he?” You snickered.

“(Y/N)-CHAN! Do you have a crush on Hinata?”

You burst out laughing and immediately said, “No I don’t Yu-nii, he seems like a brother to me at this point. Because of how innocent and bright he is, it makes me just want to take care of him like an older sister y’know?”

“Oh okay, that’s good to hear. Well, I’m glad BECAUSE I’M NOT READY TO LET YOU GO TO ANYONE ELSE. YOU’RE MY PRECIOUS LITTLE (Y/N)-CHAN.”

“There, there Yu-nii. You’ll always be my best friend, no one’s ever going to replace you. Even if I did get a boyfriend you’d just have to live with it.”

“Ugh whatever, I don’t even want to think about it yet. Anyways, I’m stopping by for dinner tonight. I’m going to need a breather after studying with the guys.”

Finishing up your breakfast, you hummed in response and gathered your dishes to clean them.

“What do you want for dinner? I’ll bring it over!”

“Oh~ if it’s your treat then I want takoyaki and yakisoba pan!”

“You’re so cheap.”

“Oh? So if you’re okay with paying more I want tonkotsu ramen, carbonara pasta, fried chicken, onigiri-”

“OKAY, OKAY TAKOYAKI AND YAKISOBA PAN IT IS. Geeze, you’re more simple than I thought.”

“I’m being easy on you, Yu-nii.”

“Alright, I got it. I’m about to go over to Ryuu’s house so let me know if Hinata or Kageyama do something you don’t like. We’ll be there in a flash to whip those two in shape.”

“Yeah, yeah~ take care Yu-nii.”

“You too (Y/N)-chan, I’ll let you know when I’m on my way later. Bye-bye!”

You smiled to yourself as you dried your hands and put away the dishes. It was always nice to know that Nishinoya would always be looking out for you even if he did so in such outgoing ways. His positive personality always lifted up your spirits especially since you were the more reserved one between the two of them. Taking a look at the clock the time for the boys to come over was nearing, so you decided to go ahead and get ready before cleaning up the apartment.

‘I wonder how today is going to go?’

---

Hinata and Kageyama were walking side by side as they made their way towards your area. The two had met up at the intersection they usually split up from to walk together since they didn’t want to awkwardly show up and make a fool out of themselves in front of you if they had shown up by themselves.

“Hey Kageyama, I wonder what her room looks like? Do you think it’s all frilly and pink like on TV?”

“I don’t know.”

“I hope she doesn’t think we’re even more stupid since we’ll be studying with her longer.”

“Who knows?”

“Kageyama, you also need to be more welcoming to her.”

“Shut up, Hinata. I already know what I need to do.”

“Are you sure, you seem pretty scary towards her if you ask me.” He laughed.

Kageyama clicked his tongue before slapping the back of Hinata’s head. “You’re just imagining things, you idiot.”

He quickly fastened his pace to get a head start and the boys began another race to see who would reach there first. In a matter of seconds, they were standing in front of your apartment complex and Hinata called you to let them in. The boys made their way up and Kageyama knocked on the door to let you know that they had officially arrived. They could hear your footsteps approaching and their eyes widened at your appearance. Your hair was out of its usual braid and you were wearing an oversized graphic t-shirt that was tucked into a pair of light denim high-waisted shorts.

“Hinata, Kageyama-kun I’m glad you guys made it.” you smiled at them before walking into the apartment.

“H-H-Hi (L/N)-san! T-Thanks f-for h-having u-us!” Hinata stuttered as he clumsily took off his shoes.

“Y-Yeah, excuse us for the intrusion,” Kageyama said softly as he followed Hinata towards the living room.

“We’ll be studying in my room if that’s okay with you guys?” you asked as you began to make some tea for them.

“A-A-Are you sure?” Hinata asked as he blushed.

“Hinata, relax. You don’t have to be so formal. I thought we’re all friends at this point.” you replied as they watched you rummage around for their cups.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right, haha. My bad…” Hinata sheepishly said.

“It’s the room at the end of the hall, make yourselves comfortable! I’ll be there once the tea is finished.”

The boys followed your instructions and entered the room. They were surprised to find it very minimal. The walls were painted white with black trimmings and were filled with medals and certificates from the years that you played volleyball. There was a bed at the corner of the room next to your balcony and a desk that sat at the center and against the opposite wall. An array of polaroids were posted on the wall where your floor desk was. It had your laptop and textbooks neatly on top with a floor chair and your blazer hanging over it. On its side was a shoe rack and had a volleyball sitting on the corner of its top rock. A white coffee table sat in the middle of the room on top of a black rug with a couple of cushions for guests to sit on. Your closet was closed and located nearest by the door; painted with a chalkboard medium that was filled with all sorts of critiques for volleyball, self reminders, and important dates to keep an eye out for. Along the wall where your bed was, there was a body-size mirror snuggled on the opposite corner and a bookcase near it. You had a record player sitting on the floor with a couple of your favorite albums sitting in its holder.

“Woah...it’s so organized,” Hinata muttered as he let his bag drop by the coffee table and wandered over towards the wall where all your medals and certificates hung.

Kageyama let his eyes wander as he took in all the small things that you kept for yourself. He made his way over towards your desk and looked at the different memories you captured through your Polaroid. There were many of you and Nishinoya throughout the years from early childhood days to when you went to middle school together. He noticed that if you smiled hard enough, there was a small dimple that would appear on your left cheek. His eyes softened as he continued to see small tidbits of your life before you came to Karasuno. There were funny ones with your old teammates and a couple of photos with you and the upperclassmen. The one that mainly caught his attention was one that Nishinoya probably took for you. You were surrounded by your teammates as you held up the national trophy with happy tears streaming down your face, sitting in a wheelchair to celebrate your victory.

‘She really loved volleyball, huh?’ He thought to himself as Hinata walked up to him and looked at the photos as well.

“Do you think we’ll make it on her wall someday?”

Always leave it up to Hinata to voice some of his own personal thoughts that he could never say out loud. He shrugged and went to go sit down to get ready for their session. Hinata joined him as well just as you walked through the door with some snacks and their tea. As the three of you got out your notebooks, Kageyama couldn’t help but peek at the polaroid wall once more wishing that he’d have a special photo with you soon.

---

Before you knew it, the sun had already begun to set and Hinata freaked out. He was supposed to be on his way home already to look after his baby sister and Kageyama also needed to leave in order to pick up some food for his family. You walked them down towards the entrance and was taken aback to see both of them bow to you in thanks.

“Man, you’re a lifesaver! (L/N)-san, thanks for helping us study on a Saturday!” Hinata exclaimed with a bright smile on his face.

“Thanks,” Kageyama said and nodded at you.

“Sure, let’s do our best on the exam!” You smiled and Kageyama’s eyes slightly widened as he saw your dimple.

‘Cute…’ He thought as you and Hinata engaged in another conversation about your time as a volleyball player. Kageyama sighed and shook his head to get rid of those thoughts. He didn’t understand why his attention slowly shifted towards you whenever he was in the same space as you. His main priority was to focus on getting better as a setter so Karasuno can beat Seijoh the next time they plays against them.

“Oh? The two idiots are still here?” Nishinoya asked as he walked up to the trio with a plastic bag filled with food slung over his shoulder.

“Noya-senpai!” Hinata exclaimed.

“I hope she was a good teacher to you guys?” He smiled at them before taking his place next to you.

“Yeah! I’m gonna ace that exam for sure now! I think!”

Nishinoya burst out laughing and went to slap Hinata on his back for some encouragement. “Just as I suspected, Hinata! You’re always so positive and let’s hope that what you’re actually saying is true! Or rather, I won’t let (L/N)-san’s kindness go to waste!”

“Kindness…'To have a caring heart. A term used to express a caring attitude one has for another.’” Kageyama muttered as he continued to mentally go over what they had been studying for.

Nishinoya stared at him before laughing again. “You better pass too or else you both won’t be able to go to Tokyo. That and you would have wasted my precious best friend’s time.”

You sweatdropped and tried to calm them down. “Now, now let’s have some faith in them Yu-nii. You’re basically in the same boat as them so don’t be trying to act so superior towards them.”

Nishinoya pouted while Hinata and Kageyama gave you thankful looks. You sighed as your best friend jumped onto you and looked at the other boys. “Have a safe trip home Hinata-kun, Kageyama-kun.”

They waved goodbye and Nishinoya let go of his grip on you. He cheekily held up the food he brought and stuck his thumb towards your apartment. “Let’s go eat shall we?”

You playfully rolled your eyes and made your way up to settle down for the night. Once all of the food was laid out in front of you, Nishinoya was about to play the movie you were planning on watching when out of nowhere your cell phone rang. You picked it up and was surprised to see who called you.

“Kageyama-kun?” you answered and Nishinoya sprang up from his seat, pointing at your phone with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You let out a small gasp but Nishinoya was too quick for you as he tackled you, trying to get the phone out of your hand. On the other side of the line, Kageyama weirdly looked at his phone when he heard the chaos happening in your apartment. He raised an eyebrow at the clatter of the phone and slowly brought the phone back to his ear in time to hear Nishinoya over the line.

“HUUUUH?! KAGEYAMA?! LET ME ANSWER- WHAT ARE YOU- HEY DON’T SLAP ME AWAY- (Y/N)-CHAN!”

“Um...is everything okay?”

You kicked Nishinoya off of you and quickly ran to your room. Locking the door behind you, you walked towards the bed and plopped down onto it.

“Yeah, everything’s fine, sorry about that. Yu-nii was being annoying.” you laughed, slightly out of breath.

“...R-Right…”

Smiling in amusement, you shook your head and caught your breath. You mindlessly kicked your legs and asked, “Um...is there anything you needed, Kageyama-kun?”

“I...um...accidentally left my notebook.”

You sat up and glanced towards the blue notebook that had fallen off of the table. You went to go pick it up and said, “Oh yeah, I see it. Did you want me to give it to you tomorrow?”

“Actually...I’m downstairs…I wanted to try and study more tonight.”

Running towards your balcony, you looked down to see Kageyama looking down and then scuffed the ground with his foot. You giggled over the phone and leaned against the railings.

“Kageyama-kun, look up.”

His eyes widened as he heard you and looked up to see you smiling at him from your balcony. He felt something in his stomach that he only felt when his nerves were high during matches. As he racked his brain for the answer, you waved him up to signal that he could come to pick up his notebook. Clutching the strap of his bag, he swallowed down the nerves and couldn’t believe that he was nervous around you.

“What’s this?”

Kageyama was greeted by Nishinoya and a teasing smile. “Are you trying to get at my best friend, Kageyama?”

The setter clicked his tongue and was about to retort back only to have you intercept and push Nishinoya out of the way. You sheepishly smiled at Kageyama as you lightly pushed him towards the hallway and followed him out. He watched as you glared at the libero and closed the front door, then sigh in relief before turning your attention towards him.

“Sorry about Yu-nii I know he can be overbearing sometimes.” you said while holding out his notebook.

“I-It’s fine...I’m used to it because he’s like that at practice.” He mumbled and gently took it out of your grasp to put it inside of his bag.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, I can walk you down too.” you offered and the two of you began to make their way towards the entrance.

A short and comfortable silence fell and Kageyama was trying to figure out how to start a conversation with you. You looked up and smiled to yourself when you noticed his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. Trying to help him relax from worrying so much about his social nature, you decided to start the conversation.

“Are you nervous for the exam?”

Kageyama looked down at you as you looked in front of them with your arms behind your back and he shrugged. “Not really, you’ve been a lot of great help to us.”

“That’s good.”

Another silence fell and you finally reached the entrance. You stood in front of him and rocked on your heels, waiting to see if he would say something. He cleared his throat and looked towards the street before he asked, “Have you decided if you’re going to be our manager or not?”

You hummed in thought as you guys ended up looking at the strangers that passed by. “I’m still thinking about it. There are still some things I need to figure out.”

He peered down at you before readjusting his bag and said, “(L/N)-san, at this rate, you can’t move forward. If you want to do this, you have to just believe in yourself that you are able to.”

“Yeah...I guess you’re right.” you softly said as once again, Kageyama knocked some sense into you as if he could read right through the barricade you put up for yourself.

“...And I’d like to have you as our manager too…” Kageyama quietly added.

Your eyes widened as he rubbed his neck, a slight tinge of red could be seen on his cheeks. You chuckled and warmly smiled at him.

“Well if you put it that way, I guess I can’t say no to this offer, huh?” you teased. “I’m kidding, but really though, thanks Kageyama-kun. I guess I can’t let you down after all that you’ve said to me. Just wait for me to settle some things first.” ‘Like going to Ukai-san’s store tomorrow to talk about my past and how we can incorporate my skills into your practice…’ you thought to yourself as a million of new ideas began to form in your head. It also reminded you that there was finally something could do that would help the team raise money for their bus.

His eyes softened and a faint smile could be seen on his face. “You’re welcome, (L/N)-san.”

You smiled widely and excitedly tugged on the strap of his bag. Kageyama raised an eyebrow at you. “In that case, there’s something I need from you and Hinata for help.”