#HAD MY MONTHLY BREAKDOWN OVER THEM!!!

[spooksier]

journey’s end in lovers meeting

[comixandco]

i’m just

there must be so many gaps in jieum’s memory

she was the girl of many trades but can she remember how she learnt any of those skills? No they were all from her past lives so they’re gone. Can she remember leaving her neglectful family to live with ae-gyeong? No because she was from a past life, so where does ji-eum think she grew up? She remembers being good at school and her awards but not if anybody was there in the audience for her. She says in her phone call to her superior that she remembers switching departments before, but she doesn’t remember working in the hotel. She cooks meals the exact way as ae-gyeong taught her and she taught ae-gyeong, but she doesn’t remember having learnt them. if she can’t remember anything to do with her past lives, she wouldn’t be able to remember anything that had happened in the past few months the drama is set over.

that must be such an odd and confusing existence, to only remember small dots and flashes of your life, and a giant gap in recent memory, and she doesn’t even seem to be affected by it either? Did she go to the hospital after coming to consciousness standing on a bridge with no idea how she got there? Did they run tests on her brain to see if something had gone wrong? Does she think she suffered a mental breakdown?

What is going on in ji-eum’s brain in those final scenes i want to dissect her thoughts like a grape

[miyamiwu]

Last updated: Aug. 8, 09:30pm GMT+8

I first posted about this 2 days ago, but only now did I have the time to sort out how much I exactly need and… it’s a lot

Dorm rent: 1,624 PHP (~29 USD)

Laptop credit bill: 4,000 PHP (~70 USD)

Consultation fee on different psychiatrist: P1,500 (26 USD) 3,000 PHP (~52 USD)

College tuition: 5,000-7,500 PHP (86-130 USD)

Passport: 1,200 PHP (~21 USD)

Total: 13,000-16,000 PHP (225-280 USD) 14,824 - 17,324 PHP (258 - 300 USD)

But the college tuition one is just a rough estimate! Enrollment is still ongoing, so I don’t know yet exactly how much I have to pay for.

If you have any spare cash, please consider helping me out by donating to my Ko-fi:

Or, you can also avail of my alpha reading service on my Ko-fi commissions page. It’s only $5 right now!

Breakdown and explanation of the amounts under the cut

In the post linked above, I mentioned struggling on the June-July dorm payment, but that’s okay now. My mom was able to find a way, but now I have another problem and that’s the August payment and the December deposit. It will be the start of a new semester, and as always, I have to pay for the first month and the last month of the semester upfront. That would be P1,624 (~$29).

I really don’t want to also ask my mom for this, as my youngest sibling just told us in the sibling group chat that she’s been having suicidal thoughts (everyone in this family has mental health issues 😔). And apparently, she also just had an argument with her boyfriend (I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend…)

With that, I will also need P4,000 (~$70), to pay for my laptop’s monthly dues. My mom bought it on credit and she has to pay for it monthly… but seeing as how she’s already depressed over her multitude of debts, I really couldn’t bring myself to burden her with this as well.

Then yesterday, I started my sessions with a new therapist, and she’s telling me to get a second opinion on ADHD.

Remember how a few months back I went to see a psychiatrist? Well, that doctor turned out to be a traumatic experience. She gaslighted me, then denied me having ADHD on the basis of my mom saying that I was a “quiet child who kept to herself.”

Current therapist asked me if I have been considered for ADHD/OCD before, and when I brought up the previous diagnosis, she was unconvinced coz she thinks I may have the inattentive type of ADHD. Now, she’s referring me to a psychiatrist she knows that specializes in my case, but the consultation won’t be free.

Update: I initially thought she’d refer me to someone from the Philippine Mental Health Association (PMHA), where the consultation fee is only P1,500 ($26) since that’s what she mentioned during our session and the PMHA is also on our uni’s list of recommended mental health services. But earlier, she emailed me the three doctors she recommends, and all of them turned out to be from private hospitals/clinics with fees of around P3,000 (~$52) per session… which is twice the amount charged by the PMHA

Next, my college tuition.

I go to a state university, and in my country, tuition should be free for up to 5 years in my course. But due to mental health issues, I’ve had to retake several classes because I could never complete them on time. I also took a leave twice so uhh… I’ve used up my free tuition rights and now have to pay.

I don’t know the exact amount yet, as we are charged by the number of units we are enrolled for… and well, enrollment is still ongoing, and I’m not guaranteed any units as slots are extremely limited. But going from previous receipts, it should be around P25,000 (~S434).

I’m not gonna ask for help on that full amount, though! Because, god, it really is too much. I plan to apply for tuition loan in my uni, and apparently I can get up to 70-80% discount once approved, so after deduction, I’ll only have to pay P5,000-7,500 ($86-130)

Lastly, the passport. I really need to apply for a passport already. I posted about my valid ID woes a while back, but I really can’t find the post again, but long story short, I don’t have a single, valid government ID at the moment, and it’s hindering my access to a lot of services.

I used to have a postal ID, but it expired last year and I can’t renew it because postal ID issuance has been suspended throughout the country for maintenance.

I also applied for a national ID last year, but until now I still haven’t received it. That’s just how fucking inefficient my country is.

The one ID left that’s easy to apply for without a pre-existing valid ID is the passport, so yeah, I really have no choice but to apply for it now. The regular passport fee is 950 PHP, but I listed the price for the expedited one because I need it urgently. That would be P1,200 (~$21).

I need a valid ID to open an account at this one bank that my uni requires for all those aspiring to be student assistants. And in the case my uni scholarship application gets approved, I will also need the account to receive any stipend I may get as they only do it via that bank.

I will also be needing the account to encash stipend cheques I get from a government-funded scholarship (they still haven’t given me my stipend for the previous semester, though). The bank teller has already been lenient with me three times in the past by allowing me to use an expired ID along with my student ID, the latter which they don’t even accept. I really can’t bear to do it again.

Aside these, I will definitely be needing a valid ID and a bank account should I get accepted in any of the jobs I’m applying for… so yeah, I really need the ID 😭

No pressure at all, but if you have a little extra cash, I would be eternally grateful if you donate

USD to PHP conversion is high, so a little goes a long way for me

[sparklefangs]

my library is saving my mental health

I was diagnosed with epilepsy in January and am no longer allowed to drive.

I live in the ass-end of nowhere - my town has about 1600 people in it according to the last census - and all the third spaces in a 45 minute drive radius, every single one, have been shut down by landlords who kept driving the rent up. (Seriously - a gaming cafe that had been there for 11 years and was always packed, a local institution, just closed a couple months ago because they couldn't afford the rent anymore.) I also can't walk anywhere at all because the roads have no shoulders, and locals in unnecessarily massive pickup trucks drive as though coming 3 inches from hitting pedestrians is their favorite sport.

Over the last 7 months I've felt my soul slowly leaking out like a nosebleed. There's so much I can't do. I can't go anywhere. I don't have friends or family to visit. Have you ever had a mental breakdown because you physically couldn't go buy a half gallon of milk? It's not great. I mean, obviously, a fair number of people experience that, but if you haven't, and suddenly that's your reality, it's pretty jarring. Even if you're an introvert, you still have the option available to you. Now imagine you don't anymore, even if you feel like you could. You just legally and by circumstance of location cannot leave the house unless someone takes you.

So, once a week, my partner drives me the half hour to our tiny little library and drops me off. It's not in walking distance of anything, so I sit there for six hours reading. Just chilling out in my favorite chair with a book. It's great.

I'm not the only person who does this. No matter what day of the week I'm there, I see the same people sitting in their favorite spots, doing the same thing I am. It's mostly older people, but also younger folks with various visible disabilities, and I assume others, like me, who probably have less visible disabilities and nowhere else to go.

This is an extremely conservative area but the staff managed to find a corner of the YA section for a tiny little pride-themed book display. I thought it was just for June, but it's mid-July and the display is still there.

I'm so grateful for this library. Even if you buy a lot of books or mainly use audible or kindle, go visit yours from time to time. Check out books, even if you don't get around to reading them. Sign up for events they might have - ours does a monthly "blind book date" thing where you tell them what you like to read, they pick out a couple books for you, and give you a few little themed extras in your box. Show that they're important so they can keep getting funding.

They need to stick around and you might not even realize how important they are until, like me, you have nowhere else to go. I've always valued libraries but now I find myself one of the people who actually really, truly needs it in a very personal and immediate way.

PS - And tell the library staff how much you appreciate what they do. They get yelled at all the time by jackasses who probably don't even use the library but are mad because they heard there are rainbows on some of the books.

[gunsatthaphan]

~ Monthly BL Breakdown: February 2024 ~ 

🌱 Happy March!!! 🌷

Disclaimer: ALL shows can be streamed here or here, as well as on Youtube and other platforms. For more info on where to watch what, check out this post! 

New breakdowns are coming at the end of every month - feel free to add stuff! -> previous breakdowns

What came out this month? (green = seen/currently watching)

🌟 Anti Reset - February 2nd (Taiwan)

🌟 Love Syndrome: The Beginning - February 8th (Thailand)

🌟 Baka Pwede pa? - February 9th (Philippines)

🌟 War of Y: The Reunion (special episode) - February 10th (Thailand)

🌟 1000 Years Old - February 14th (Thailand)

🌟 My Strawberry Film - February 16th (Japan)

🌟 A Secret Love - February 17th (Thailand)

🌟 To Be Continued - February 19th (Thailand)

🌟 Unknown - February 24th (Taiwan)

🌟 Wedding Impossible - February 26th (South Korea)

🌟 Kiseki Chapter 1 & Chapter 2 - February TBA (Thailand)

🌟 Ambiguous - February TBA (South Korea)

Monthly likes/dislikes

❣️ I'm gonna have to list Cherry Magic and Cooking Crush again just because they filled me with so much serotonin lol. Truly beautiful productions, so carefully written, so well executed and with so much wholesomeness and so many green flags lol. I had the best time watching them and the fact that 2 OG pairs had comeback shows back to back gave me so much nostalgia lol, especially since the genre is reminiscent of their old shows. It's been a blissful and therapeutic few months and I'm extremely sad that it's over 😩🥺🫶🏻 A+ content from everyone involved. 12/10 for both.

👎🏻 It has been a year lmao a lot of things happened this month, the Pawin situation makes me sad, we don't know what actually happened but the whole thing is messed up either way. James dropping out of LUAT came as a surprise as well, I'm not a NetJames fan but if they really had a falling out like the rumors say then that's sad. Singto coming back to gmm has been a nice surprise amongst the scandals lol but other than that I hope things go uphill after this 🥺

New series & movie announcements

🎥 My Bias is Showing (manwha adaption) - Date TBA (South Korea)

🎥 All About Lust - Date TBA (South Korea)

🎥 A Balloon's Landing - Date TBA (Taiwan)

🎥 Roommates - Date TBA (South Korea)

🎥 Good Night to Get Drunk - Date TBA (South Korea)

🎥 First Note of Love - Date TBA (Taiwan)

🎥 Living With Him - Coming April 11th (Japan)

🎥 The Young Gangster - Coming 2025 (Taiwan)

Other news from the BL world

❗️ Actor Singto Prachaya has returned to GMMTV as an artist. He previously left the company in 2021 to work as a freelance actor & producer after being under contract for nearly 5 years. It is unknown whether he will be part of any projects of the 2024 lineup.

❗️ The Thai BL Playboyy is getting a second season.

❗️ The upcoming Korean series High School Return of a Gangster announced the removal of the original BL plot. The show will air as a censored version, focusing on the friendship between the male leads.

❗️ Actors Charles Tu (HIStory 4) and Michael Chang (My Tooth Your Love) were confirmed to star in the upcoming BL First Note of Love. The series tells the story of a musician who is struggling with stage fright and one of his fans. An air date has not been announced.

❗️ Actor Non Ratchanon will no longer partake in the upcoming BL Live in Love. In an official statement, the production company stated that the decision was made due to disagreements between his agency and the one representing his co-star Hearth Chindanai. A recast for his role has yet to be announced.

❗️ GMMTV actor Win Pawin was accused of physically assaulting his ex-girlfriend, who made public allegations with photo evidence of her wounds. As a result GMMTV released a statement announcing the suspension of Pawin from all further work activities until legal investigations are complete. This lead to him making a public statement saying he is withdrawing from the upcoming BL We Are. He was cast as one of the 8 protagonists and was paired with his former partner Marc Pahun. GMMTV released a followup statement today, announcing Pawin's character would be recast to newbie Poon Mitpakdee.

❗️ Actor James Supamongkon announced his withdrawal from the upcoming Domundi BL Love Upon a Time. He released a statement on Twitter, saying he wants to expand his career and focus on other projects as an artist apart from acting. The company stated that Net and the others will stay part of the cast and that a new partner for Net will be cast shortly. This caused a big uproar amongst the fans who have been waiting for the series since it was announced over a year ago. Whether James' dropping out has anything to do with a dispute between him and Net is not confirmed.

Upcoming series & movies for March

👉🏻 Love is Better the Second Time Around - March 5th (Japan)

👉🏻 Deep Night - March 7th (Thailand)

👉🏻 Two Worlds - March 21st (Thailand)

👉🏻 High Demand - March 23rd (Thailand)

👉🏻 Wuju Bakery - March TBA (Thailand)

👉🏻 The Star - Date TBA (Thailand)

👉🏻 Blossom Campus - March TBA (South Korea)

👉🏻 Jazz for Two - March TBA (South Korea)

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

My memory is terrible so I wanted to do a breakdown of my stuff every once in a while. Might be monthly, might be whenever I feel like it.

QL - Currently Watching

🇹🇭23.5 [11/12] - This show is not working for me anymore. Of course I'll finish because there's only one more episode but honestly I don't really care if any of them are together and that's a problem.

🇯🇵25 Ji, Akasaka de [5/10] - I'm so normal about this show. The way this show is using the show within the show is really smart and the editing is very good. I'm actually looking forward to see how the 'rival' will shake things up, which is odd for me.

🇰🇷Boys Be Brave [2/8] - So far so good. Gi Seop is obvisouly not the best boy but there's something about his energy on screen that is compelling to me. I really liked that Jin Woo was honest about his feelings and I like the 'I love you but I don't like you' dynamic a lot. The second couple gave me some ODS vibes so I'm bracing for some angst. [Finished will write it up at the next round up]

🇯🇵Living with him [6/8] - Filler episode with not a lot of new information, but I did enjoy the supermarket scene. I continue to delight in Kasuhito's expressions.

🇰🇷Love Is Like a Cat [2/12] - I'm waiting to binge this one. Didn't like how this started and the rhythm just isn't working for me. [Finished]

🇹🇭My Stand-In [1/12] - Pretty is pretty. But I don't trust Thailand with high concept so I have reservations. I hope I'm wrong. I liked the first episode so we'll see.

🇹🇭Only Boo! [7/12] - Well the Shone thing was what I feared and I don't think it really fit with this show at all but now it's over and I'm ready to forget it ever happened. Moo continues to be an absolute delight to watch and I'm looking forward to seeing a more relaxed Kang. The sides are pure torture. Payos sweetie, you need to confess or let it go cause I can't take it anymore.

🇹🇭We Are [8/16] - I'm enjoying the friendships in this a lot, it all feels very natural when they are together. I'm not super invested in any of the couples, although they're all doing a good job. I'm having a good time with Tan/Fang (Aou is so fun to watch) and hopefully I will have a good time whenever the show decides to give me Chain/Pun. I also think some of the actors have really improved, I was really impressed with Satang specially.

QL - Finished

🇹🇭1000 Years Old - I wrote before that this one wasn't really my thing and obviously the finale didn't really change that. The different lifetimes I think could've been explored earlier and would probably make this a bit more interesting to me. It's not like there was too much going on to use the time for that but it is what it is. Also the whole thing with the vampire girl/wife, it was so unexplored that I didn't really get why all of a sudden I should care about her at all. All in all, it started fun but halfway through it lost me a bit and now it's over. Bring on the next vamps.

🇹🇭Deep Night - This one surprised me a bit. There was a refreshing amount of good communication and they gave the people what they wanted, poly and older lesbians. I wish there were more acrobatics and the editing was weird in places but overall it's an entertaining show.

🇰🇷Gray Shelter - This is weird one. Because I feel like I have to fill in the gaps myself and that just shouldn't be the case. I enjoyed the actors a lot, and Lee Jae Bin presence on screen kept me engaged for most of it. There is definitely potential here if they had the time to explore all the different elements. But this runtime it's just not enough to fully flesh out these characters and the complex issues it wants to tackle.

🇯🇵Love is Better The Second Time Around - Started great but lost itself by the end. I don't think it needed that external conflict by the end with the brother and the mother because they weren't on firm ground to begin with. If I were to make a list like this one by @lurkingshan I don't think Myiata and Iwanaga would make it there. Iwanaga was amazing to watch though. He pretty.

🇯🇵My Strawberry Film - One pining gay boy does not a bl make. With that said, even as a drama there's nothing interesting here.

🇹🇭To Be Continued - Meh. It was fine. I wish I had more of the side couple because Gumbie is adorable. Midway this was getting into The Promise territory, and while it's not that bad, and I guess the reason for the separation is a valid one, I don't think Achi being the 'bad guy' for most of the show actually makes sense.

🇹🇼Unknown - The last two episodes were a bit of a letdown if I'm honest. I have nothing to say about the first 10 episodes. Incredible. The character growth is so well done, and the family scenes feel very grounded. Just all around outstanding work from the whole cast, but specially Kurt and Chris. I think Kurt showed Yuan growth so well and I'm in awe of Chris' acting all the way through. Even with the little stumble at the end this show and these characters will stay with me for a while.

Rose Watches OJBL

Junjou (2010) - Second chance romance. I liked it. It's a nice watch, nothing particularly outstanding or new about this one, although that's not really fair considering it's more than a decade old, but alas I've seen other versions of this particular type of bl. Nevertheless I liked the characters, specially Tozaki,

Athlete (2019) - The visuals were the best part for me. There are several things I like in this, the main actor does a really good job imo and I truly enjoyed the bar scenes. But it doesn't all come together for me. I don't have a problem with the ending as much as how we got there.

Other - Watched

This was a slow month for me. I started a new job and some other stuff happened so I haven't really been in the mood to watch new stuff. Mostly comfort watches and rewatches. Oh I did watch Heartbreak High S2. It was good.

That's it for right now. My ask box is always open. Wishing you all a wonderful holiday tomorrow💜

[weirdkpopgirl]

Falling Apart | Jeno Imagine #10

Title: Falling Apart

Genre: Angst, friends to lovers (kinda)

Warnings: mentions of drinking, reader has a breakdown (nothing new lol)

Word Count: ~1.1k

Author's Note: Lately, it feels like I've been trapped in the dark again (but I'm okay). But I can't help but put whatever is going on my head into words, and I chose Jeno for this because he seems like that type of friend who's silently there for you. He's very caring with his members, like how he was by Jisung's side when he was crying at the Dream Show 1. Jeno is the type of person I would trust being vulnerable with. Anyway, hope you enjoy reading ^ ^

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Jeno could hear the faint sound of beer cans shifting within the bag as he walked up the stairs to your apartment. The dark sky above him was illuminated by the usual city lights, along with the full moon casting its glow tonight. 

As he neared your place, an unusual wave of nervousness washed over him. His decision to come here had been an impulsive, last-minute choice on his part. Earlier, he had been at Chenle’s house with the others for their bi-monthly movie night. However, he was perplexed when he saw your message in the group chat saying you couldn’t make it tonight. While the guys did express their wishes that you were here with them, Jeno felt your absence more than anyone in the room.

He wasn’t really thinking when they were onto the second movie, and Jeno decided he couldn’t take it anymore. With most of the guys already asleep, he slipped out of Chenle’s place without drawing any attention. Eighteen minutes later, Jeno found himself standing outside your apartment. He hesitated for a moment before pressing the doorbell, anticipating your reaction.

Your surprise was evident when you opened the door, and a slight blush was quick to form across your cheeks. Your current attire wasn’t exactly fitting for socializing, as you wore a white long-knit cardigan over your dark gray house clothes. 

Despite feeling embarrassed, you greeted him softly. “Hey Jeno. Aren’t you supposed to be at Chenle’s?”

“Yeah, but it didn’t feel the same without you there,” Jeno mumbled sheepishly, scratching his head before holding up the black plastic bag in his hand. “And I thought you might want some company since it’s a Friday night and all.”

His words caused a small smile to spread across your face. However, you were conflicted because a part of you didn’t want to let him in, knowing you weren’t in the right state to see people. But you didn’t have the heart to turn him away, knowing he came all the way here to be a good friend. So reluctantly, you took a step back and opened the door further so he could come inside.

Jeno quickly removed his sneakers and eagerly followed you into the living room. The two of you settled on the floor by the coffee table. The canned beer was cold against your fingertips as you opened them, the soft click of the tabs echoing in the quiet room. 

The two of you exchanged quiet smiles as your cans clinked against each other in a toast. Your chins lifted in sync as you both took your first sips of the alcoholic beverage. Shortly after you placed your can down on a coaster, Jeno followed suit.

“You doing okay?” he asked, breaking the short silence between you two.

The concern in his question was understandable, considering your lack of presence at a gathering that even the most antisocial person, like yourself, wouldn’t typically miss. 

You responded almost too quickly, letting out a light chuckle. “Yeah, of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

However, Jeno could see through your feigned nonchalance. He somewhat predicted you’d brush him off, given he’s known you for over a year. In your friend group, there was Donghyuck and Chenle who were always the loudest, with Renjun occasionally joining in to argue. Then there was Mark and Jisung trying to be the mediators, while he and Jaemin watched things unfold in amusement. Out of everyone, you were always the quiet one, seemingly unperturbed by anything. 

“You can be honest with me, (Y/n),” he insisted gently.

Your fingers curled around the green can, applying slight pressure. He caught a flicker of vulnerability passing through your eyes before you lowered your gaze to the wooden table.

“I just…I just feel like I’m falling apart,” you confessed quietly, your resolve finally crumbling.

You paused to exhale shakily, feeling the weight of your emotions that you’d kept bottled up long past their expiration date. 

“I’m so tired of holding it all together,” you said, your voice cracking with emotion. “Pretending like everything’s fine when it’s not.”

Jeno listened carefully and nodded lightly in understanding. “You don’t have to pretend with me. Suppressing your emotions won’t make them disappear.”

Before you could register it, your cheek began to feel wet and your hands instinctively moved to cover your eyes. Fresh, hot tears soaked through your fingers as your shoulders trembled. You tried to stop the flow, but they continued unabated.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized, the self-conscious part of you horrified at the act of crying in front of someone. And not just anyone, but Jeno.

The dark-haired male reached out to gently pat your shoulder. “It’s okay,” he whispered, his touch offering a comforting presence. Despite feeling humiliated, you sensed the sincerity in his words.

“It’s just…everyone expects me to be strong and level-headed when I’m not either of those things in reality,” you sobbed, tears continuing to spill out mercilessly. “No one can see that I’m suffering. No one cares.”

Although Jeno wasn’t great at showing it, hearing this from you made his heart sink. He had no idea you had been fighting this mental battle. Shame filled him for not recognizing your struggles sooner. 

With his hand still on your shoulder, he spoke softly. “I care, (Y/n). More than I probably should, actually.

Amidst your breakdown, you picked up on the subtle implication in his response and your gaze flickered up to look at him with confusion. 

A small sigh left Jeno’s lips. He didn’t intend for his feelings to be revealed in this way. But this was not the time to have that conversation. 

“I know you don’t need a confession right now,” he said, shaking his head before meeting your eyes once more. “But…can I hug you?”

At first glance, Jeno didn’t seem like the type of person to be physically affectionate, even with friends. However, after knowing personally you learned just how much of a softie he could be. Of course, he wasn’t touchy with you out of respect. But you often witnessed this behavior with Jaemin since they were pretty close.

Your breath caught in your throat, your heart pounding with uncertainty. Usually, you weren’t someone who liked to be physically comforted—or perhaps you weren’t used to it. Yet, the idea of being hugged by Jeno didn’t sound too bad at that moment.

So you nodded, and he scooted over to wrap his arms around you. His embrace was firm yet gentle, not overwhelming. Enveloped in Jeno’s arms, you felt a warmth spread through your chest, a sense of solace you hadn’t known you needed. He let you cry into his shoulder, patting your back soothingly.

Despite the chaos of your inner turmoil, your feelings for Jeno didn’t feel so platonic anymore after that night. Or maybe there had always been something there that you never gave a second thought to before. Either way, Jeno was the safest place for you right now. 

Even as everything seemed to fall apart, he was there to reassure you that you didn’t have to be alone anymore.

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[f1crecs]

Fic Rec List - Our Favourite Fics

if your fic is on this list and you don’t want it to be, please let me know and we will remove it immediately, no questions asked. we have contacted most of the authors on this list, but sometimes people fall through the gaps - just pop us a message🤍

have a pairing you want me to do next? please read the faqs and then head to the inbox.

don’t forget to give the authors featured on this list some love in the form of kudos, bookmarks, and comments!

thank you to @talictries for this lovely, lovely ask - and for letting us share our little slices of fandom happiness!

I thought this would be the perfect time to introduce the new blog team. I hope you'll join me in showering them with lots of love! 🤍🤍🤍

Mark/Seb

nsfw: I Heard You're a Player, So Let's Play a Game by Tianvette | E | 88.8k @boxboxbrioche's favourite fic. Mark and Seb are teammates, navigating a complicated relationship. This fic is absolutely stunning! There are parts of this fic that are haunting, that I still think of often, a year after reading it for the first time. The evolution of Mark and Seb's relationship is, although messy and difficult, so natural and so well written. I come back to this fic so often - I must be on my fifth or sixth read. It's captivating.

'Turning twenty-three clearly hasn’t made any difference to Seb’s infuriating cheekiness but surprisingly, he finds his chest growing warm with something like affection, his annoyance melting away like snow in sunshine'

Lando/Lewis

1999, heroes by @lilcrickee | M | 36k @ocontraire's favourite fic Top gun au that explores power dynamics, both in the context of age difference and in the more rigid structure of the military. The dynamics between friends and rivals keep me coming back to re-read this one, as well as the messy, lovely unfolding of the main relationship

'And just like that, Lando feels the wind get snatched from his sails. His chest deflates like a balloon that’s been popped unexpectedly. The easy camaraderie that he and Lewis had shared most of the night feels like it’s been reset. Lewis is his superior officer. Lewis is 14 years older than him. Lewis is someone bright and unattainable and Lando should tell his heart to get a fucking grip.'

Charles/Pierre

Name It The Blood by @effervescentdragon | Not Rated | 23.5k @singsweetmelodies' favourite fic. Charles and George are nobility, and Pierre and Alex are their respective childhood best friends who love them - until Pierre and Alex both run away from the lives planned for them to become pirates. They reunite just before Charles is set to be married. This fic just has absolutely everything, from complex worldbuilding to pining (so much pining and longing!) to not-quite-doomed period romance to pirate shenanigans to heartwarming friendship moments, and it is all so so beautifully written! I reread this fic almost monthly, and there are many lines from it that I can quote by heart. It still makes me tear up a little, no matter how many times I've read it. Just an absolutely stunning fic, from start to finish.

“Tell me, Pierrot,” he says lowly. “What am I to you?” Everything, every part of Pierre screams instinctively. You are everything to me, the sun and the stars, the air I breathe, the beauty in every flower I see for the first time, the rage in every sea storm, the one I would get on my knees for and worship like a God, the reason for my existence, the love of my life, the best friend I’ve ever had. You are everything.'

Daniel/George

nsfw: my temple will be beautiful too by @notthehardtyres | E | 6.3k @lydia-petze's favourite fic. Daniel, in his second year at McLaren, is in crisis over gender and body dysphoria issues that have pushed their way to the fore. He finds somewhere to have a breakdown over it, which happens to be an empty meeting room belonging to Mercedes. George finds him there, and eventually reveals that he himself is trans. Narrowing down all the F1 RPF I've loved to ONE seemed like an impossible task, but when I laid out my favourites to make the attempt, this is the one I kept returning to. It's stunningly good. The language around bodies, and physical reality, and not feeling comfortable in one's own is evocative and visceral - as physical as the selves it is describing. There is a recurring motif of light and refraction, and how much it can change the way we see something, or someone. George's support of Daniel is quiet and steadfast. His decision to reveal his own body is based in compassion, empathy and deep trust. .

'They don’t hear George move, either—only the sound of his deep, regular breaths. Daniel matches that rhythm for a while until their heart rate evens out and the anxious nausea recedes. The one time that they lift their head just far enough to see, George looks stoic and serene, staring at the opposite wall. He hasn’t even gotten his phone out to pass the time. What faint light diffuses through the window blinds has a cool bluish tint, and Daniel imagines that they’re somewhere under the ocean, pressed pleasantly down by the weight of the water.'

Charles/Max

nsfw: objects in mirror by @drivestraight | E | 87.8k @blueballsracing's favourite fic. A series, in which Charles Leclerc decidedly moves to Red Bull Racing and copes with the effects of having Max Verstappen as a teammate, all while he's trying to win his first maiden World Championship. This series is one I constantly reread, because of the characterization and beautifully written moments of what having a rival and a lover is like. It's my favorite fic in the fandom, and I suggest reading the entire series.

“Max looks—his eyes are slits, and his hand is still firm on Charles’ waist. “What are you looking for?” There are a lot of answers to that question. A championship. Forever and always. A gap to overtake. The racing line. My brothers, to hold my hand. Papa, sometimes, when I’m standing up on the top step of the podium, looking out into the crowd and praying for a miracle.”

nsfw: breathe you in (like a vapor) by @fabbyf1 | E | 53.3k @frickinsweet's favourite fic. An enemies-to-lovers story of Max and Charles falling in love over winter break 2022. Choosing a favourite fic was such a challenge (it felt a bit like choosing a favourite child) – but since I could only choose one it had to be this one. Firstly, Fabby is a fantastic writer and I would rec every one of her fics if I could but this one is my comfort fic that I keep coming back to.

This fic has it all: misunderstandings, a Max that is a little bit obsessed with and unbelivably fond of Charles, a Charles having a bad time and in denial about his feelings, petnames, Charles being called pretty multiple times, bickering as foreplay – you name it, this fic has got it. Most of all I love the charactherizations, especially Max who is sort of a weirdo who cant read a room for the life of him but also refreshingly honest and unashamed about his feelings. When I first read this I was new to F1 and definitely not sold on Max/Charles but this fic showed me the light! Also the smut is superhot 🤭.

Charles suddenly snapped back into the present when Max asked, “Were you guys finished for the day? Or did you want to play doubles with us?” Charles turned to look at Arthur, giving him a look that only a fellow Leclerc brother could understand. He didn’t need to use his words. It was obvious that he was telling him: we are absolutely not going to play tennis with Max Verstappen. Arthur tilted his head at him, his eyes locked on Charles before he gave him a slight nod. Because he totally understood. It was so nice to have such a solid, strong bond with his brother. Leclercs were basically psychic! “We’d love to play doubles,” Arthur said, turning back towards Max and Brad. Charles wished he was an only child.

[jessicaloons]

Chapter 23.1:

Freedom felt like summer then, on the coast…

Masterlist - Previous - Part 2

I looked over my bed, thinking about the next almost 3 weeks and if I had thought of everything, when there was a little knock on the door.

"Here, put the dresses in this clothing bag, they won’t crinkle in there." Mum walked in, handing me a clothing bag.

"Thanks Mum. I really hope that it’s enough? I know that we’ll be the first week together in Corse? Then a little party in Ibiza? But then? No idea, he’s not telling me anything? Is that enough? Do I need more outfits?" I looked at her and she smiled.

"I think you have enough… I mean, 10 dresses alone? I think that should be fine?" she said and I nodded.

"Yeah probably… umm Mum, can I talk to you and Dad? It’s… umm it’s important?" I asked her.

"Sure? Now? Okay, I’ll tell Dad, see you downstairs?"

"Yeah, I’ll be down in a minute…" I gathered myself, taking a deep breath. This is what I want. It’s normal. It’s okay. Let’s do this!

I sat down at the table and Mum and Dad both looked at me.

"What’s up?" Dad asked casually as he sipped on his water and I swallowed hard.

"I umm… I was thinking that- umm…" I began nervously before I shut my mouth again and grabbed the water carafe and poured something in an empty glass, nervously gulping down half of it.

"Lizzie darling, what’s going on?" Mum asked and looked concerned.

I put the glass down, taking a deep breath and started over again.

"Mum, Dad, I thought about this for a long time… I want to… I want to move out. And I don’t want to move just somewhere… I want to move to, well I want to move to Monaco. Or close to Monaco, because I don’t think that I can afford a flat there, not even the size of a shoebox… but it’s just… Shima has to move to Nice due to her new job. JK could be with his girlfriend instead of travelling back and forth between here and Nice. I would be close to Charles, Arthur, Lorenzo, Pascale! And of course it’s beneficial for my lungs…" I said and looked at them.

"And you were nervous why? Lizzie, you’re 24? You don’t have to ask for our permission!" Mum grabbed my hand over the table and squeezed it gently. "And when you live close to Charles and Pascale I’m not even worried."

"We didn’t expect you to live with us forever, you know?" Dad laughed and I sighed.

"Yeah… it’s just. It’s financially a lot to burden. I don’t know what I could afford? I mean, I don’t even know how much money I have? I never cared for it, you and Rita were discussing all the details of my contracts in the past, taking care of my money… now the inheritance from Hans…" I looked at him and Dad got a hold of his phone, tapping away.

"Okay. So breakdown of your financial situation. I’m talking now only of the savings account, consisting out of your price money for winning the WSeries, your basic salary from Audi and your salary from companies your doing commercials for or you’re partnered with… plus the now available inheritance…" he shoved his phone over the table, showing my bank statement and I gulped "I think Monaco is definitely doable."

"Holy shit? I’m rich? How did I never know that?" I kept staring at the very high amount of money and Dad chuckled.

"Because you never cared for it? Since the moment you earned money with racing you only wanted us to transfer a little amount monthly into your account. You didn’t even spent a lot of money for your car? You bought a used one… yeah you lived really frugal!" Dad said and Mum smiled proudly at me.

"Let’s be honest, since the beginning of the year, where Dad increased the amount of money he transferred into your account, how much of it did you really use?" Mum asked and I shrugged my shoulders.

"I mean, I didn’t even know that you increased it? But… not much? During race weeks I don’t need much. When we’re going out, I’m not allowed to pay… Charles is really old school when it comes to that… I only spent money for basic stuff and every once in a while when I go shopping, rather online shopping and for books? Oh yeah and my flights… but that’s it? I didn’t even had to buy my own cars, with Audi gifting them to me." I said and Dad laughed.

"And you’re wondering why there’s so much money in your accounts?"

"I guess it makes sense… but when we talk about money… the karting track, the business accounts etc that’s yours Dad. You put in the whole work. You take care of everything. So it’s just fair when that is your money. No! Dad! Don’t say anything! I’m serious!"

"But as soon as it opens again, and the track makes profit again, 50 % will go straight into your account. That’s what Hans wanted."

"If you insist…" I sighed a little.

"So your first flat… any special wishes?" Mum asked and I nodded a little.

"I want 2 bedrooms, a full bathroom and a guest bathroom, a nice kitchen preferably open to the living room and a balcony. Nothing too big. And yeah… Monaco would be great." I said and they both nodded.

"Talk with a realtor and then let’s see." Dad said and I smiled.

"I think I know the right guy for that…" I said and got up. Finishing packing up. And then Dad drove me to the airport.

"Alright, I see you guys tomorrow!" I hugged him goodbye.

"Yep! And have fun later on… and always smile!" he kissed my cheek and I sighed a little.

"I hate sponsoring events… but I know it’s part of my job…" I waved him goodbye and left.

I smiled for the cameras, talked to some of the guests, took photos here and there and then the little lunch was over, finally. I got in the car that would take me to Monaco and I honestly couldn’t wait. The summer break officially started.

Charles awaited me downstairs, grabbing my suitcases, leading me inside and as soon as the elevator doors were closed he pulled me into him, kissing me passionately.

"I missed you…" he whispered against my lips and I giggled a little.

"Charlie you’ve seen me two days ago!"

"That’s way too long!" he sighed and we entered his flat "I ordered some food, should be here any minute, you can change and then we’ll have a quiet night? Perfect!"

I kissed his cheek and went to the bed room, changing into some sweatpants and a top and then sitting down on the sofa, when I heard Charles talking to someone on the phone. I grabbed my own phone and called the first person that I had in my mind when thinking about buying a flat in Monaco.

"Alright, thanks Riccardo!" I hung up.

"What was that about?" Charles asked and I flinched "Sorry." he kissed my forehead before he sat down, a bag full of take out in his hands.

"I was talking with him about… well he will look for a flat for me…" I said sheepishly and Charles looked at me.

"What? Where? You wanna move out?" he asked and I nodded.

"Here of course?" I laughed and he looked confused "What?"

"You want to move to Monaco?" he said and I nodded "Why would you buy a flat?"

"Umm? To live in it?" I was confused.

"Cara mia, why would you spend millions of euros for a flat here if you could move in with me for free?" he asked and I swallowed.

"Charles… it’s just that…" the look on his face made me stop.

"It’s just that you don’t want to live with me? That’s it…" he said and I shook my head.

"No! Charles it’s not like that! But… hey! Please look at me! I would love to live with you! But Charles, we’re only together for what? 3 months now?" I began and he rolled his eyes "I never lived alone! Not once! I just want to have my own place first… it’s an experience I don’t want to miss out on…"

"Hmm, okay." Charles mumbled and got up.

"Please, don’t be mad!" I pleaded and he looked at me.

"I’m not mad… it’s just… sometimes I feel like… I feel like you don’t trust this… us… or at least not entirely. But yeah, it’s your decision in the end…" he walked away and I sighed. Great. But before I could get up and follow him, he returned with cutlery that was missing, as I just realised now.

"But if you move here, then we need to look for a building with good security! And an underground parking garage! I don’t want fans and whatever other crazy people are out there swarm you when you park your car in the streets and want to get in your house!" he said and began to eat.

"Okay wait… a minute ago you said you have the feeling that I’m not sure about us and now you’re talking about my safety?" I asked confused.

"And? I can have my doubts from time to time and still love you and care about your safety?" he answered and I rolled my eyes. "What?"

"That sucks!" I breathed out and he put his knife and fork down.

"What? That it makes me insecure when you say things like we’re only dating for, we’re only been together for, it’s only a short time that we’re together, and so on? Yeah… that sucks for me too, because I never not once heard you refer to us as a couple in a serious relationship… and that’s okay… but I can be upset about it." he said and I looked at him. Then I began to eat and Charles picked up his cutlery.

"I’m sorry… that I make you feel this way about us…" I said after a while.

"Don’t be… I know you long enough to know that you need time to adjust to this… it’s okay. But like I said, I don’t have to be happy about it, but that doesn’t mean that I’m mad at you or love you less. Because I never could. Never less." he replied and I felt myself blushing for some reason.

"Why did you never say something? That it’s something that bothers you?"

"I don’t know… a part of me said that I shouldn’t care about it, because I know how you feel and I know that what we have is real and strong and serious and… I don’t know, I guess a little part of me was still scared that you might change your mind, with everything that is going on already, and when you said these things… I kinda felt insecure?" he sighed a little and I took his hands.

"I’m sorry… really! I didn’t knew, I always thought that you had so much confidence… in this. In us." I looked at him and he smiled.

"I have, Lizzie! 100%. But yeah a teeny tiny part of me is still scared to lose you… and I think I made a big deal out of nothing."

"No, don’t say that, please. If something like this bothers you? God! Even hurts you? Then please tell me. You and I. This. It’s real. A real and serious relationship." I kissed his cheek and I could swear his cheeks were turning slightly red.

"Thank you." Charles whispered and I just smiled at him.

"Will you tell me now what you have planned for us?" I asked and he chuckled.

"Nope. You gotta wait and see."

Charles POV:

"Why aren’t Benji and Marcus and Lisa here?" Liam asked and I sighed.

"They are invited to a friend’s wedding, so they stay there for a bit."

"But then I’m the only kid… that’s boring." he pouted and I had to laugh.

"Oh come on! Arthur is here as well!" I said.

"I heard that!" Arthur shouted from behind me "We will keep you entertained, don’t worry!"

"See! Arthur to the rescue!" I laughed and Liam nodded.

"Okay. But we do fun stuff for kids as well? Not just for grown ups?" he asked and I rolled my eyes.

"You know that I like fun stuff for kids way more than grown up stuff!"

"Just the grown up stuff with your auntie he loves to do…" Arthur chuckled under his breath and I hit him, while Liam looked at him confused.

"What does that mean?" he asked immediately and I groaned.

"You take care of that!" I whisper shouted to Arthur and got up.

I walked down the stairs to the pool where Lizzie laid on one of the sun beds, basking in the sun. I sat down next to her and heard a soft little snore coming from her and laid down next to her. As if she could feel my presence, she rolled over and snuggled up to my side. I smiled to myself, thinking that this would be my life for the rest of my days. I closed my eyes and relaxed when after a while someone tapped my shoulder and I looked up.

"Hey Bubba." I smiled at him and he rubbed his eyes a little, looking tired. I patted the sun bed next to me "Come here, it’s nap time." he smiled and laid down next to me, doing the same like his aunt, snuggling into my side. He yawned a little and wiggled around "What’s the matter? Not comfy?"

"The sun is too bright." he mumbled and I chuckled a little.

"I’m sorry, but that’s something I can’t change unfortunately."

He sighed and climbed on me, burying his face in the crook of my neck.

"That’s better." he whispered and I laughed.

"As long as you’re comfy!" I put my arm around him to make sure he won’t fall off and closed my eyes again.

I stretched a little when I opened my eyes and looked to my left, Lizzie was gone but Liam still snuggled onto my chest.

"You look so cute, I don’t want to wake him, but Sissy said that he gets grumpy if he sleeps for too long…" Lizzie whispered as she sat down next to me.

"Did you have a good nap?" I asked her and she nodded "Perfect. Now let’s wake up this little munchkin…" I gently rubbed his back, tickled his sides a little and Liam began to wiggle around "Come on Bubba! Wake up!" I cooed and he yawned a little before he slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Can we go swimming, Charlie?" he asked, voice still sleepy.

"Let’s fully wake up first, have something to drink and maybe a little snack? And then later on we go swimming?"

"Okay." he snuggled back into my chest and I laughed.

"That doesn’t mean we go back to sleep!" I said and Lizzie gently stroked his back.

"Carry me. Too tired." Liam mumbled and I sighed, getting up.

"Okay, my little Bubba. I’ll carry you." I said and walked up the stairs towards the house.

"He has you wrapped around his little finger." Lizzie laughed and we walked inside.

"Something you Doetterer’s are really good at." Arthur chimed in and Lizzie laughed even more.

"Could you stop with your comments?" I groaned and he just shook his head.

"I’m just saying the truth." he shrugged his shoulders and plopped down on the sofa.

"Carla? Could you please make your boyfriend behave?" I said to her and she laughed.

"He’s your brother, if anyone can do it then it’s… oh wait. Yeah, your mum." she said and Lizzie sat down next to her, laughing. I sat Liam down next to her and walked to the kitchen, opening the fridge to grab something to drink.

"There is a fruit plate in the fridge." Marina said as she and Maman walked in, both carrying bags full of groceries in.

"Do you need help?" I asked but Lorenzo and Juergen walked in next, hands full as well.

"No we have these two, carrying our stuff for us." Maman said and I chuckled a little.

"Here." I handed Liam a water bottle and put some on the coffee table before I grabbed the fruit plate and put it next to the drinks.

"Yummy!" Liam sat up and grabbed a melon slice and then two more, handing one to Carla and one to Lizzie.

"What about me?" Arthur asked and Liam chuckled.

"You have to impress the ladies, not the boys." he said and I laughed out loud, almost slipping off the arm rest of the sofa.

"You heard it, you have to impress me!" Carla said and Arthur rolled his eyes sitting up, grabbing a slice of melon for himself.

"Here." Liam handed her some strawberries and then turned to Arthur wiggling his eyebrows.

"I might want a boyfriend upgrade." Carla chuckled, pinching Liams cheek.

"Yeah, me too!" Lizzie looked at me and I immediately handed her some more fruits "Or maybe not… we’ll see." I kissed her head when I walked back to the kitchen, helping to store away the groceries, listening in on Lorenzo’s and Juergen’s conversation.

"I can take a look at the accounts if you want to. It shouldn’t be too hard to separate the business accounts from the private ones." Lorenzo said and Juergen nodded.

"Hans’ karting track?" I asked and they both nodded "Everything alright?"

"Yeah. It’s just a bit messy with the accounting. I want it to be clearly divided between Lizzie’s inheritance and the business accounts. He left her a huge amount of money." Juergen said.

"Yeah, Lizzie told me that he was really generous?"

"Generous? That’s not even enough to fathom what he left her."

"He loved her a lot." I shrugged my shoulders.

"That he did."

"And the business accounts are also very well stocked. So all the plans you have are fully covered. The remodel and renovation will be amazing." Lorenzo said and I smiled, knowing that Lizzie would be more than happy to see the karting track shine again, under the lead of her dad.

"But when we are talking about the inheritance… did Lizzie tell you that she wants to move to Monaco?" Juergen asked and I nodded.

"Yeah. We talked about it…" I said sitting down at the counter.

"You don’t seem happy about it?" Lorenzo asked and Juergen looked up from the sink.

"I am happy. Really. We just had a little… well it wasn’t a fight or anything, let’s say we had a little disagreement. That’s it."

"And what was it about? Is it settled?" Juergen looked at me.

"I told her that I don’t understand why she would spend millions for a flat if she could just move in with me… I mean, let’s be honest, as soon as she lives in Monaco, I will be at her place all the time or she’ll be at mine… it’s a waste of money…" waiting for their reaction, almost expecting them to have the same one as Lizzie.

"You’re right. It will be a waste of money… but it’s her money…" Juergen said and I looked up "What? You thought I had a different opinion? Maybe like Lizzie? I know my daughter… she wasn’t happy with your suggestion?"

"Not really. No." I sighed.

"I want what’s best for her, and if she decides to move away, I would feel a lot more relieved to know that she lives with you… but I won’t say anything. She has set a budget. She has a little list with things that she wants."

"Yeah. That list was a joke! 2 bedrooms, 1.5 bathrooms, nice kitchen, open floor plan and a balcony. That was it? No, I told her already that it has to be a building with high security. Underground parking. A good neighbour hood…" I began but Lorenzo and Juergen laughed.

"Oh come on, Charles. It’s Monaco! Every neighbour hood is a good neighbour hood." Juergen said but I rolled my eyes.

"I meant that I want her close… to, you know, check in every now and then…" I said.

"You mean you want her in close range for a booty call." Arthur appeared next to me and Lorenzo laughed, Juergen cocked an eyebrow and I just slapped the back of his head.

"What is wrong with you? Are you serious?" I said furiously.

"I’m just saying what everyone is thinking!" he held up his hands but I shook my head.

"Then be like everyone else and just think it!" I got up and left.

"Oh come on! I’m just messing with you! Charles?" Arthur said but I flipped him off and grabbed Liam.

"Come on, let’s go swimming." I said and he giggled excitedly.

"Yay!"

"I think he has a little crush on Carla." I said to Charles who looked up from his book just in time to see how Liam handed Carla a bottle of water and then blushed when she gave him a little peck on the cheek, giggling like crazy and running away.

"He’s a charming little fella, no one is immune against those puppy eyes… I know what I’m talking about." he kissed my shoulder and I laughed.

"Poor Arthi, at the end of this trip he’ll be single!" I leaned back and Charles chuckled.

"When do we have the dinner reservation?" Sissy asked as she walked out on the terrace, sitting down on a lounger next to us.

"Half past 6. We‘ll meet you guys there. I want to go back to that cute little bookstore. They had so many beautiful special editions, the illustrations are gorgeous." I said and Charles nodded.

"Okay." Sissy said and I checked the time.

"Alright I’ll go upstairs and get ready" I said and got up and went to our bedroom, taking a quick shower and getting ready.

"You look pretty…" Charles said as he walked in, big smile on his face.

"Thanks." I said and looked in the mirror, Charles stepping behind me.

"I always loved your hair like that, in summer. It’s brighter, and the salt water makes it wavy. And you get these cute tiny freckles on your nose, almost invisible, just if you come close enough you can see them." he kissed my nose and I giggled.

"Stop it! If we want to have enough time at the book store, we need to go now! So hurry up! Get ready!" I scolded him a little.

"Almost done!" he chuckled and took a shower, dressed up and was ready to go in under 15 minutes.

"When you can do it this fast? Why do you need almost an hour usually?" I asked as we walked downstairs, out to the car.

"Because I like to take my time." he opened my door and pushed me gently in.

"So when I get ready, you keep on nagging me to hurry up. But when you get ready you just take your damn time instead of hurrying, just like me?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yup, pretty much it."

"You’re an ass."

"Your ass."

"My ass." I sighed dramatically.

"Why did I knew that we would be the first ones here, although we took our damn time in that bookstore?" we walked inside the restaurant, no ones else there.

"Maybe they’re sitting outside?" Charles asked a waiter "Or not. He said we could sit outside as long as they’re preparing our tables. Come on pretty girl, I ordered us something to drink." I followed him outside, on the terrace overlooking the harbour. He pulled out my chair and I sat down.

"Thank you." I smiled at him and he sat down next to me, both facing the busy harbour "It’s so beautiful here… I’m gonna miss this. It was quiet. Peaceful."

"Yeah. It was great just being us. Hugging and kissing you, carefree. No cameras. No fans. No pressure." he sighed a little and put his hand on my thigh underneath the table, gently stroking my naked skin that was peaking out from my dress. The waiter put down our drinks and told us that our table was ready for us but we could enjoy the drinks first.

"Cheers, to the first part of our journey." Charles said and we toasted our glasses when someone behind us called out Charles name.

"Charles? Is that you?" a male voice asked in French and we turned around.

"Fred? Hi! What are you doing here?" Charles wanted to get up from his chair, but Fred patted his arm and leaned down and they hugged.

"Lizzie! It’s so good to see you again!" he leaned down to me and we kissed cheeks "I hope they all treat you right in the paddock?"

"Umm… sure…" I said and he chuckled.

"I hope they try to at least…" he said and I nodded "Good! That’s really good!" he smiled and then looked at our table and the two drinks "So, am I interrupting a date? Are you two finally a couple?"

I chocked on my drink and Charles handed me a napkin.

"We’re not- umm… no. We’re here with our family!" Charles stammered and Fred laughed, patting his back.

"I know how love looks, boy. And you loved this girl here even back in F2 when she was testing for us and you were testing for Haas." he said and I felt my cheeks turning red "But I understand… it’s a secret! I won’t tell anyone!" he zipped his mouth shut and Charles smiled appreciatively "Just make sure to name your first son after me!" he laughed and now Charles blushed as well a little.

Before one of us could say anything more, Liam run up to us.

"I’m heeeeereeee!" he screeched and then stopped abruptly when he saw Fred "Oh."

"Liam, this is Fred. He was my team principal when I started in F1." Charles introduced him and Liam smiled shyly up at Fred.

"Hi." Liam held his hand out and Fred took it in his, shaking it.

"Hello Liam, we already met once! You were a baby back then." he said and Liam made big eyes.

"I was at a race as a baby?" he asked excitedly.

"Yup you were, Bubba!" Charles said and Liam clapped excitedly, as the rest of our family finally caught up to Liam. They all said their hellos with Fred before he had to leave.

"It was nice to see you all! Enjoy the rest of your break, you two! See you around!" he waved goodbye and was gone, right as a waiter came to bring us to our table.

When the conversations died down a little and we were ready to leave, we drove back to our rental house, sitting around the fire pit.

"I don’t want you two to leave!" Liam pouted a little while climbing into Charles’ lap.

"I know Bubba. But we see you in Spa? That’s in 2 weeks already! And tomorrow Benji will come and you have another week here! That’s not too bad now?" he said gently and Liam nodded slowly.

"Hmm okay. You’re right." he whispered, playing with one of Charles’ bracelets "But I’ll miss you."

"You know that I miss you every day when I don’t see you?" Charles whispered back and Liam looked up at him.

"Really?" he asked and Charles hugged him close.

"Of course, Bubba!" Charles kissed his head and Liam cuddled up into his embrace "Here, take that and whenever you miss me, look at the bracelet!" Charles slipped the bracelet Liam played before off of his wrist and put it around Liams wrist, making it tighter.

"I can really keep it?" Liams eyes sparkled and Charles nodded.

"Thank you." he threw his arms around Charles’ neck and giggled a little. After a while he got up and started to read in one of his books.

We all sat together, talking, when Liam brought Carla a little blanket and put it around her shoulders, when he saw her shivering a bit.

"Oh Liam! You’re a real little gentleman! Thank you!" she kissed his cheek and he blushed a little, returning to his seat giggling.

"He’s a real charmer!" I whispered to Charles.

"He learned from the best!" he said proudly and I laughed "Why are you laughing? I’m serious?"

"Yeah! Of course you are!" I said and he pinched my side.

"What? I’m not charming?" he asked me and cocked an eyebrow.

"Very, very charming!" I smiled at and kissed him "The most charming person I know."

"Thank you." he kissed my cheek as Arthur plopped down next to Liam, holding his heart like he was in pain.

"You okay, Arthi?" Liam looked up at him.

"No! You little munchkin! You have to stop or my girlfriend will leave me!" Arthur sighed dramatically.

"For me?" he asked and I had to suppress my laughter.

"You’re a little too young, Bubba. But you are just too charming and cute! I can’t keep up with you! So, can you pleeeeaaase tone it down a bit?" Arthur pleaded a little and Liam chuckled.

"Okay. But when I’m older and she still wants a boyfriend upgrade, I‘ll be there!"

"Deal!" Arthur pulled Liam to his side and ruffled his hair and I laughed out loud.

"Liam’s crush on Carla and Arthur sweating because Bubba might or might not steal away his girlfriend really was my highlight of this trip!" I whispered and Charles nodded.

"Definitely!"

"5 days just straight party?" I sighed and leaned back on the sun bed and Charles next to me laughed.

"What? Too old to keep up?" he cocked an eyebrow and I slapped his thigh.

"No but a week full of running around with Liam was exhausting after a very tiring first half of the season!" I said, closing my eyes, ignoring the tension I felt for a couple of weeks now in my back.

"You’re the youngest of us and you’re the one complaining?" Shima laughed and I flinched.

"You’re here!" I screeched and jumped up, hugging first her and then Daniel.

"We’re here. We’re ready. Let’s party!" Daniel said and hugged first Charles then Joris "Where’s the other happy couple?"

"Still in their room. Marta doesn’t feel too well." Charles said.

"Oh okay." Daniel said and sat down on one of the loungers "Is it too early for a drink?"

"I already had a breakfast margarita." I chuckled and he cocked an eyebrow.

"What is a breakfast margarita?"

"A margarita she drank during breakfast…" Charles laughed and I shrugged my shoulders.

"We’re in Ibiza to have fun I thought?"

"You are absolutely right, cara mia. We are!" Charles pinched my side and we ordered another round of drinks, toasting to the next days.

"So, the first half of your first season in Formula 1 is done. Top 3 of your favourite races and Top 3 of your worst..." Joris said and Charles rolled his eyes.

"Guys! No talking about work!" he groaned and I chuckled.

"Don’t be so grumpy! Okay. Worst. Top 3. Let’s see. In third place Miami, I mean… I DNFd. In second place… umm Imola and Barcelona? They were both not my best performances. But the top spot is fucking Montreal. That whole weekend was cursed!" I took a big sip of my cocktail, while Joris contemplated my answers.

"I would’ve thought Miami would be your number 1… because you know…" he said and I laughed.

"Because so DNFd? I mean, wasn’t the best weekend, but it was a new track with almost zero data to compare. No, it wasn’t the worst."

"Okay. Now you Charles." Daniel said and Charles sat up, sighing.

"Okay, if I have too. Third Miami. Second Imola. First France."

"But you won Miami?" Shima asked and Joris looked at him confused.

"Yeah but I also almost lost Lizzie, again." his voice was void of any emotion. It’s sounded more like a straight fact.

"The crash wasn’t that bad! Come on!" I took his hand in mine.

"But I didn’t know that. You didn’t respond. And the marshals had to get you out of the car… I didn’t know how bad or not it was." Charles voice was quiet, and he looked down.

"But I was- I am okay." I squeezed his hand and made him look at me "It’s all good."

"I know…"

"Okay… it’s getting a little too sad here. Top 3 of your best now go!" Joris clapped his hands and pointed to me.

"Third was Australia. What a race! And a freaking P2! Second… oh yeah! Bahrain! First race first podium! And first obviously Silverstone!" I lifted my glass to the sky and drank on Hans.

"Good picks. Charles?"

"Third Austria. Second Australia and first Miami." he said and now we all looked at him confused "As bad as it was… I didn’t just win the race that day. I also-" Charles began but I had to interrupt him.

"If you say no something cheesy like but you also won the race to my heart… I’ll push you in the pool!" I cocked an eyebrows and Joris and Shima nodded agreeing.

"I help you, Lizzie."

"Me too!"

"Oh come on! It’s cute!" Daniel chimed in he and Charles high fived, before Charles stood up.

"In first place Miami because I won the race on track and the race to mon amours heart!" he cannon balled into the pool and I had to laugh "Come on in! Let’s start the party!" Charles waved for us to join him and I followed his lead, Joris, Daniel and Shima right on my heels.

"IBIZA HERE WE GO!"

Shima, Marta and I sat cramped together on the bathroom floor of Charles’ and mine bathroom, doing our make up and our hairs.

"I think I just do a little glitter here and there and a little eyeliner and that’s it!" I said and Shima laughed, straightening her hair.

"You mean I do your eyeliner."

"Exactly." I laughed and Marta handed me the hair straightener and I smiled at her "And I’m so glad that you’re feeling better again!"

"Me too! The first 3 days of Ibiza and I had a stomach bug." she said looking a little flustered.

"Are you sure you’re okay?" I asked her and she nodded.

"Of course! Sure my stomach is still a little sensitive but it’s fine. Water and coke for me tonight. I don’t need alcohol to party with my friends!"

"I don’t need it… but I want it!" Shima laughed and Marta and I joined in "Will you show us now your dress?"

"Ooouuuhhh yeah! I’m dying to see it!" Marta agreed and I rolled my eyes.

"It’s nothing that special! It’s just a little… well you’ll see!" I said and we got up, leaving the bathroom and the 2 girls sat down on our bed "Okay, I’ll put it on!" I grabbed the black dress and left hurriedly. I took off my shirt and shorts and looked at the dress. Now that I had it in my hand I was a little worried. But I put it on and turned around, looking into the mirror "Wow…" I mumbled, that was short and tight.

"Come on! Let us see!" Shima screeched and I stepped out of the bathroom, both of them staring at me "Oh my god…"

"Lizzie…" Marta began and I was nervously looking down.

"Bad?" I asked and Shima snapped her head up.

"What?"

"Does it look bad?" I asked.

"Lizzie, babe, you look smoking hot. Charles will jump you as soon as he sees you!" Shima said and got up.

"You look amazing! That dress looks like fire on you!" Marta followed Shima and I turned around to look into the floor to ceiling tall mirror.

"Isn’t it a little… too tight and too short?" I asked and Shima shook her head.

"Absolutely not!" she said and Marta next to her nodded.

I looked back into the mirror, smoothing the dress down. Turning to the side a little, trying to look at myself from all angles, the dress was short ending way above my knees, I would have to tuck it down the whole night, too feel fully covered. It was tight, hugging my body almost like a second skin.

"I really like the cut out at the cleavage and that it’s a one shoulder dress but still showing off your amazing boobs that you usually hide." Shima said and I laughed.

"Thanks, I guess?"

"No seriously, Lizzie. You look amazing! Charles will have a hard time tonight to keep his hands to himself." Marta smiled and Shima looked at my feet.

"What shoes are we wearing?" she asked and I turned around.

"Don’t freak out now!" I said sheepishly and Shimas eyes widened. I walked to my closet and grabbed the black satin bag.

"I’m not dreaming… Jimmy Choo’s?" she almost whispered and I nodded handing her the bag and she opened it, taking the shoes out carefully "Look at them… they’re gorgeous. If I could I would make love to them…" I chuckled and walked back to the closet, taking another pair of high heels out.

"But Lizzie? That’s the wrong size?" she looked up right as I slipped in my second shoe.

"Happy Birthday!" I said and Shima screeched loud, pulling me into a tight hug.

"My dress! My hair! Watch out!" I laughed.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she kissed my cheek and slipped the shoes immediately on "Oh god they feel so good!"

"They look fabulous!" Marta smiled and put her own high heels on "Are we ready to dance the night away?"

"Hell yeah!" Shima and I said simultaneously and we all laughed.

I took a long look in the mirror, smoothing the fabric of the dress down.

"You look amazing, girl! Stop fidgeting!" Shima rolled her eyes a little and I swallowed hard.

"She’s right, Lizzie. You look awesome!" Marta said softly and I sighed a little, nodding slowly. The dress was amazing. The shoes were amazing. And I didn’t look too bad wearing it. After seeing a Twitter thread 2 weeks ago, a very viral one, criticising again the way I dressed, saying it was too boring, not fashionable enough, not feminine enough, I thought a lot about it. I knew that I shouldn’t care about it, that I should ignore it. But for some reason I couldn’t get the comments out of my head. I never cared much for the newest fashion trends, I mostly wore outfits that I liked, if they weren’t modern or fancy or fashionable? I didn’t care. But the comments got worse and worse. And I decided to do something against it and bought some clothes that were way out of my comfort zone. Just like tonight’s dress.

"Hey? Lizzie? Everything alright?" Shima said, interrupting my train of thoughts, and I nodded.

"Yeah, sure. Let’s go!" I grabbed my bag and took one last look in the mirror before we left the room. I can do this. Shima and Marta said I looked great and if I decided to not believe them, then Charles reaction was everything reassurance that I needed.

"No. We’re staying in tonight." were his first words and I cocked an eyebrow "Cara mia, I might end up in jail tonight. For kicking every guys ass who dares to just take a little glimpse of you! I won’t spare you just because you’re my friend, Joris, I’ve seen your look!"

"Okay now stop!" I laughed and hit his shoulder playfully, but he pulled me into him, his mouth close to my ear. His lips ghosting over my earlobe.

"Cara mia, I’m dead serious. You look incredible tonight. The most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. And the hottest one for sure…" nothing more than a breath on my skin and I shuddered a little.

"Okay, save that for later. Now we go partying!" Shima pushed Charles and me to make us walk and we followed the rest of the group, Charles walking behind me "Stop staring at her ass, Leclerc!"

"I can’t. It’s captivating."

"Gross."

"Shut up, Birthday girl."

Marta and Riccardo were dancing in their own little bubble, Joris and Daniel were talking and Charles was standing next to them, watching me dance with Shima.

"He can’t take his eyes off of you!" Shima shouted in my ear and I smiled a little, the alcohol making me blush harder than usually.

"Oh come on!" I laughed but she just shook her head.

"You’re so annoying, babe! You look gorgeous! You’re smoking hot and your equally hot boyfriend is practically undressing you with his eyes right now! Can you please acknowledge that?" she rolled her eyes.

"I can acknowledge that he is smoking hot, because look around, basically every girl is staring at him!" I waved my hand around and Shima followed it.

"Yeah of course they all keep staring at him! But look at him? He only has eyes for you! You can see that, right?"

"I guess so…" I let out.

"Hey? It’s Charles? He loves you? Why are you doubting that all of a sudden?" she looked at me intently and I sighed.

"Because lately… I don’t know, Shima. He’s so… and I’m just…" I was at a loss of words and she cocked an eyebrow "I need to go to the toilet, I’ll be right back, okay?" I said and she nodded, hesitantly, but let me go.

I locked the door of the bathroom stall behind me and took a deep breath. The door opened and the music from the stage got louder before the door closed again and the music was only a faint background noise.

"That was 100% Charles Leclerc!" a girl said and I tensed up.

"He looked hot, as always! We should definitely try and talk with him, shoot our shot…" another girl laughed.

"He must feel miserable! There are his friends making out with each other, and then he’s there alone with no one!" a third voice.

"But isn’t the German driver here as well? His rumoured girlfriend?"

"Oh come on! All those little fan girlies who want them to be together? There’s a reason why they’re just friends for what? 10 years?"

"He looks like a Greek god and she just like any normal girl?"

"Totally! She’s nothing special. He needs someone with class, someone elegant, hot! And not that driver."

"Isn’t she also an alcoholic? Wasn’t there a video where she was totally hammered early in the day already?" I felt my mouth becoming dry.

"Yes! I remember! You also saw her disgusting scars. Ewww." A lump formed inside my throat.

"Yeah. I get it. He’s just a nice guy who hangs out with her out of pity… he deserves better! He deserves a girl by his side tonight!"

"He can be lucky and get one of us!"

They all started laughing, leaving the bathroom. I leaned against the door. Trying to breathe steadily. I felt tears stinging in my eyes and grabbed some toilet paper, dabbing my eyes. I saw the looks of every girl around us the whole night. Ogling Charles up and down. He looked ravishing. Like always. Of course I couldn’t compare to him. But hiding in a bathroom stall wouldn’t help me either, so I braced myself and took one last deep breath unlocking the door. I washed my hands and walked out. Right to the VIP area next to the stage, where we were partying the last hours. I grabbed a water from the bar and made my way up the few steps as I stopped abruptly. 3 girls dancing around Charles, Joris and Daniel. One whispering something in Charles ear. I turned around and walked back to the bar. Exchanging my water against a tequila shot and then another one, ordering a third one not daring to look into the VIP area. Someone bumped into me and I turned around, one of the girls who just danced with Joris and Daniel standing now behind me, looking from me to the bar, 3 empty shot glasses in front of me. She snickered and pinched her other friend, pointing at the glasses. They both looked at me and then walked off. I could hear the words alcoholic and slutty dress. I ordered a cocktail and sat down.

"Lizzie? Hey? You got lost on your way to the bathroom?" Shima squeezed my arm and I looked at her "Why are you sitting here? Drinking all alone?"

"Because there are much prettier girls here in the club, they want a chance with him… and they’re right… he deserves a pretty one… elegant, classy, gorgeous! Not me, bulky and muscular, not lady like…" I slurred, the alcohol clearly showing.

"What are you even talking about? Where is this all coming from all of a sudden?" Shima was confused but I just chuckled and turned her around to look at the VIP area.

"See? That girl talking with Charles? She’s gorgeous! Look at her, Shima! She is the kind of girl people expect by his side. Not someone like me!" I sighed, sipping at my cocktail.

"Okay, you had enough to drink, come on. I don’t know why you say things like that? Did someone say something to you?" she grabbed my hand, dragging me with her away from the crowd and the stage to the side, where it was way more quiet and we didn’t had to yell at each other. We sat down on a sofa.

"What’s happening, Lizzie? Something is bothering you. I’ve seen it for the past couple of days. But tonight especially? You’re not really doubting him?" Shima asked me quietly and I shook my head, getting dizzy and sitting down.

"I don’t doubt him! Not one second! You have no idea how amazing he is! I mean… you all can see how he treats me? But that’s not all… it’s those quiet moments, when it’s just him and I. Alone. Doesn’t matter if it’s just in bed or the sofa, doing some work-outs together. He’s perfect. Seriously. I don’t even know how he’s putting up with me? I’m not like him! He lays his heart and soul out before me. He’s so attentive and affectionate. Outspoken! God he knows how to use words that melt you like hot butter. He’s so sure of us. And then there’s me? I’m insecure and in my head. I never know how to be affectionate like him, without being to clingy? How to be attentive without being annoying? I’m just scared that I’ll do too much of everything… and I’m not good with words or with explaining my emotions. I’m just not like him. I wish I could! I swear! Since we’re together I wish I could be more like him. Show him how much I love him? That he means the world to me… but I just don’t know how… and then there’s… umm-" I let it all out, the alcohol making me lose any filter, although I stopped abruptly, not knowing how to explain what was bothering me really.

"That disgusting Twitter feed you keep reading over and over?" Shima asked and I looked at her with big eyes "I’ve seen it on your iPad… Lizzie you do know that these are just some insecure, jealous bitches? They know that they never will have a chance with Charles and so they lash out? And because you and Charles are this close you’re their target!" she took my hand in hers and squeezed it.

"But they’re not wrong about everything! You can say about Camille what you want, but they looked amazing together! She looked like a model! Straight out of a magazine and me? I don’t even want to start…"

"Honestly? Don’t you have mirrors? I don’t know how you can look like this and honestly think you’re what? Not pretty enough for Charles? You know that I’m always honest with you? So please believe me when I say that you’re beautiful! Everyone would be happy to be seen with you! Just like Charles! Lizzie he doesn’t want anyone else! He wants you! Just you! And you are beautiful and gorgeous! I mean we could do something with your hair… I always said that I think long and wavy hair with maybe some warm highlights would look awesome! And we could get rid of these team shirts for race weekends and put you into something cute and fancy! But that’s just little things…" Shima looked at me and I laughed a little.

"Yeah not gonna happen! It’s hard enough to get this amount of hair tucked into my suit and under my helmet without restraining me! And nope! Team merch it is! Maybe we could go more casual with how we combine it here and there but that’s it!"

"Okay! But can you do me a favour? Can you please accept that you’re smoking hot and beautiful and amazing and perfect and that Charles loves you! Just you!"

"We don’t want to exaggerate! The way I am is perfectly fine!" I laughed and she groaned.

"You’re frustrating! So frustrating! I need a drink now! Hop hop! Let’s go!" Shima jumped up and pulled me with her.

"Not so fast please. I think I need a water… I had too much to drink." I mumbled and she laughed.

"3 shots and a cocktail in what? 15 minutes? Yeah I would feel like shit as well…" Shima held my hand and we walked to the bar, where I got a water and almost emptied the bottle in one go. I looked back into the VIP area, where a new girl was at Charles’ site, another beautiful, sweet girl. Shima followed my look and sighed.

"Come on. Let’s go up there and dance." she said and I nodded, grabbing another water bottle.

As soon as we walked up the stairs Charles was next to me, gently pulling me to the side, leaning down to say something.

"Hey pretty girl, where were you? I thought one of your many admirers whisked you away from me!" he chuckled a little, his breath tickling my ear.

"My many admirers? Have you looked around? Every single girl in here keeps staring at you!" I answered and although I tried to sound amused, I failed and my voice cracked a little.

"Really? I didn’t notice that, because the only thing I saw was you… in that dress… and my imagination of that same dress on the floor of our room later tonight…" he whispered and my cheeks began to burn with heat.

"Oh come on…" I giggled and Charles eyes grew dark.

"Mhhh I can’t wait to get rid of that dress…" he gently stroked my sides with his hand, smoothing down the fabric of my dress "I will rip is straight off of your body…"

"The hell you do! Do you know how expensive that dress was! We’ll take it off nice and carefully!"

"I’ll buy you a new one. Or ten new ones, I don’t care! But you… you look just so incredibly gorgeous and so freaking sexy in it… my second favourite outfit on you!"

"And what’s your favourite?"

He leaned in even closer, his lips brushing now my ear.

"Wouldn’t you like to know…" he chuckled.

I was about to say something when the brunette, who talked with Charles when Shima and I came back, lightly tapped his arm. He turned around and he smiled at her, a big, genuine and hearty smile. And my stomach dropped.

"I just wanted to say goodbye! It was good to see you!" the girl said and Charles nodded.

"Yeah it was good to see you too, Charlotte." he said and Charlotte looked at me.

"I always said to Marta that you two would make a beautiful couple." she smiled at me and I looked at her with big eyes.

"Lizzie, this is Charlotte. We went to school together. She and Marta are close friends." Charles introduced us and I smiled shyly at her "Don’t worry, she won’t tell anyone…"

"I mean if they pay me a million… who knows…" she laughed and I had to laugh with her.

"I don’t think that we’re this important, but honestly, if anyone offers you that much? You have my blessings."

"I will keep that in mind! Have a good night you two! And a good rest of your summer break!" she pulled me in a hug and looked at me apologetic "I’m sorry! I’m a hugger!" she laughed and I smiled.

I just smiled as she hugged Charles and then left with a last wave. I watched her walk away and Charles squeezed my waist.

"I think we got interrupted…" he smiled at me, pulling me even closer to him.

"Yeah you wanted to tell me what your favourite outfit one me is!"

"Was I now?" Charles breathed it in my ear and I began to shiver. He planted a little kiss right underneath my jawline and pulled back, smiling at me. I let out a long, shaking breath and he leaned back in, his lips now touching my ear and I felt goosebumps erupt all over my body, my heart almost jumping out of my breast.

"That red lace lingerie set…"

Charles POV:

"Morning." Joris mumbled and plopped down in the chair next to me when I watched Lizzie and Daniel talking while loading up their plates "Earth to Charles? You there?"

"What?" I looked at him and he sighed.

"Can we today just hang out and do nothing? I’m done…" he mumbled and I just nodded.

"Yeah yeah, sure." I said as Lizzie���s phone vibrated next to mine. I glanced down and scoffed. A message from Paul. They were texting? I felt the urge to grab the phone and read the message. I hated this guy.

"Okay, you’re not listening to me…" Joris huffed and got up, right as Daniel and Lizzie sat down.

"Who’s not listening?" Daniel asked and Joris waved to me "Why aren’t you listening?"

"Doesn’t matter." I got up and followed Joris, grabbing myself some food, although I lost my appetite. I saw how Lizzie tapped away on her phone, laughing and shaking her head. Oh? What did Paul say that’s so funny?

"Mate! What is wrong with you?" Joris slapped my arm and I looked at him, then the mess I made with the orange juice in front of me "You and Lizzie? All good? Don’t look at me like that! Spill the beans!"

"This mechanic? The guy I told you about? He comments on every post, always flirting, Lizzie doesn’t see it… I mean she sees the comments but she doesn’t think that he’s flirting! Last night? He commented that she’s a hot mess! And one of her mechanics replied that he’s shooting his shot! And then…"

"You didn’t reply? Right? You didn’t say something stupid, staking your claim on her? Right?" Joris groaned.

"What? No? First off, staking my claim on her? In what century do you live? And second… I just said that I know her for a while and that he needs to find another target. And that little fucker replied with we‘ll see! He’s so fucking flirting with her!"

I felt my blood boiling when Lizzie threw her head back laughing after reading a new text. Fucking Paul. I walked back and sat down, Lizzie squeezing my thigh, smiling up at me.

"Can we just lay at the pool and do nothing? I’m done… last night was a lot." she said and I nodded.

"Sure." I said through gritted teeth when her phone was vibrating again "You’re in great demand today."

"What do you mean?" she asked, looking confused.

"Your phone…"

"Oh yeah. Sorry." she smiled, gently stroking my thigh and I melted away under her touch, right as another text came through, I saw the screen lit up, Paul.

"I’m going to lay down for a little. My head is pounding." I got up and Lizzie looked at me with wide eyes.

"Are you okay? Do you want me to come with you?" she asked, concern in her voice.

"Nope. You have fun texting with Paul." I said coldly and walked away. Ughhh. Jealousy has a really bitter taste. Back in our room I sat down on the bed, feeling bad. I didn’t even know why I was jealous. Lizzie was here with me. In 2 days we would go to Sardinia, just us. A romantic getaway. She was my girlfriend. I already won. And still. The way he looked at her. Always made sure to be close to her. Now even texted her. I groaned in frustrating, falling back down onto the bed. He did this. Not Lizzie. Yet it was her who I let out my frustration on. Again. I rubbed my temples when I heard the door opening. Let her be mad. You deserve it.

"Did you read my messages?" was the first thing she asked and I sat up.

"No."

"Are you sure? Why did you think I was texting with Paul, then?"

"I saw his name on the screen."

"Why did you look at my screen."

"Your phone was right next to mine, it vibrated, I looked down to see whose phone it was. It was yours. With a text from Paul."

"Well it wasn’t…"

"Lizzie. I saw it. He texted you."

"No, he didn’t."

"Why are you lying? I saw his name!" I groaned.

"Did you look closely?"

"What?"

"Did you look closely? Did you actually took my phone and checked the notification or did you just saw the name Paul and that was it."

"The second option but why does that matter?"

"It matters because I, in fact, don’t text with Paul. He sent some stuff into our Audi WhatsApp group."

"Audi WhatsApp group?"

"Audi WhatsApp group. Team group. We send memes and gifs and stuff. Not more. Just some fun stuff. For everyone to read."

"Oh."

"Oh indeed."

"I’m sorry. I just…"

"Save it. I’m here with you! I bought a ton of new outfits for you! I’m sharing a bed with you! I had to watch the last two nights in the club how practically every girl there was trying to flirt with you. YOU! And not once was I jealous! Or mad!"

"I know! Okay! Please Lizzie, I’m sorry! But this guy… I know you don’t want to see it. But he is flirting with you! Like crazy! Yes I know there were some girls, but I not once looked at them! I only had eyes for you! And it’s not like these girls work with me and constantly lure around me! Unlike Paul! That’s the only reason why I’m so fucking jealous. No it’s not even jealousy! It’s more… he’s infuriating me! And you won’t acknowledge what everyone else is seeing!"

"Because it doesn’t matter if he flirts with me or not! I don’t fucking care!"

"I know that! God! I’m not stupid! But it still agitates me! It makes my blood boil. He wants to shoot his shot with you! And you can’t even say that you have a boyfriend because no one can know about us!"

"Is that the real problem here? Are you mad that I want to… I want to keep us a secret? Is that what this is all about?"

"Fucking hell. No! I don’t care about that! I just don’t like that this guy is flirting with you. Period." I breathed out frustrated.

"Okay." Lizzie looked at me.

"Okay?" I asked cautiously.

"Okay." she walked away.

"And now?"

"Now I’m putting on a bathing suit and meet our friends downstairs. You can decide for yourself if you want to stay here and sulk or come with me and hang out with us."

"Are you still mad at me?"

"No. I wasn’t mad at all. I was annoyed because it felt like I was talking with a wall."

"I’m sorry, cara mia." I mumbled and got up, hugging her "I really have no problem with us keeping our relationship a secret! I really just don’t like this guy…"

"I know…" she sighed and kissed my cheek "But why would I care for him if I have you? My Monegasque Prince Charming, who’s an idiot and oh so stupid every now and then?"

"I let that last part slide, but just because you said that I’m your Prince Charming…"

"To our last night in Ibiza!" Joris said and we toasted our glasses.

"To our last night!"

"I have to say that I’m a little glad that we’re leaving tomorrow, even tho I don’t know where to. But partying this much? Exhausting!" I whispered into Charles ear and he nodded.

"I’m just happy to spent some alone time with you!" he whispered back and I smiled.

"Do you have any ideas where you’re going?" Shima asked me and I sighed.

"Nope. Nothing. I only know that we’re flying tomorrow morning at 10. And because we’re taking the jet, I couldn’t even check what flights are leaving…"

"You looked that up?" Charles asked and I nodded "Just relax and enjoy your surprise!"

"Okay, okay!" I said and looked around "You all know where we’re going, right?"

"No clue!"

"No!"

"Nope!"

"No idea."

"Hell yeah!"

We all looked at Joris who looked up from his plate.

"I mean no. Of course not." he said hastily and Shima patted his hand.

"Good cover up!" she laughed.

"It’s okay you guys. Keep your secrets to yourself." I rolled my eyes dramatically.

"Well there is one secret we want to share!" Riccardo said and I looked up. He gently took Martas hand in his and they both smiled at us "We’re having a baby!"

We all jumped up and congratulated and hugged them.

"OH MY GOD!" Joris shouted out pulling Riccardo to his side.

"How amazing!" Shima hugged Marta.

"I can’t believe it!" Charles pulled both of them in his arms with tears in his eyes.

"I’m so happy for you guys!" I said and hugged first Marta and then Riccardo "Now we know what that stomach bug was!"

"Yeah… it began right before we left Monaco. And according to some books I’ve read it might get worse… but it all will be worth it!" Marta smiled, absently rubbing her stomach.

"It will be more than worth it!" I smiled at her "We need to drink on it! Champagne! We need champagne! Oh god no! Wait! You can’t drink!"

"It’s fine. You drink champagne and I have a soda water." Marta said while Charles already ordered 2 bottles of champagne. As soon as the bottles arrived and we all had a full glass in our hand we toasted to Marta and Riccardo.

"To Marta and Riccardo and the little bean, we all can’t wait to meet!" Charles said and looked lovingly at his two friends. When he sat down he put his hand on my thigh gently caressing it "Can you believe it? A baby? A tiny Riccardo or Marta… wow. It’s just… wow!"

"Oh Charlie bear." I whispered and wiped a stray tear off of his "You’re adorable." I kissed his cheek.

"I’m just really happy for them. But also… I mean Andrea and Simon, Julia and Kev and now Marta and Riccardo? Am I getting crazy or are we all growing up slowly?"

"Pretty boy, you turn 25 in October? You do realise that we all are already grown ups?" I chuckled.

"I guess so." he sighed and downed his champagne.

"With Marta and Riccardo now expecting… I’d say you two are next?" Joris said and Charles and I both looked at him with wide eyes.

"What?" we said in unison and they all laughed.

"I was just kidding! But the look on your faces? Priceless!" Joris laughed and Charles shook his hand, putting his hand on my thigh, gently squeezing it.

"Let us both win a championship first, then we can talk again…" he said and I nodded.

"I hold you to that!" Joris said and we laughed.

"I’m sure you do."

Part 2 ➡️

Little Note:

Chapter 23.1 - SUMMER BREAK 🩵🌴☀️ very fluffy, my favourite duo Liam and Charles has some cute moments. Part 2 will be Lizzie and Charles on their romantic getaway ♥️

Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!

If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment!

Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!

Taglist:

@silkenthusiasts @eugene-emt-roe @sunny44 @itsjustkhaos @glitterquadricorn @aundercover @kakorrhaphiphobia @alittlebitofbooksandmagic @ru-kru @glitterf1 @janeholt3 @maeve-wileyy @18754389 @chiliwhore @hellowgoodbye @queensassybitchsworld @skynel09 @harrysdimple05

All the images I’m using are from Google, Pinterest and Instagram (or self made).

[gramophoneturtle]

Back Up Art Archive Update

Last time, I spoke about posting my art to other social media sites - Pillowfort, Bluesky, and had just starting to on cohost.

Well, cohost posted their March Financial Update recently and it's not looking great - potentially running out of funding early April 2024. it could still work out, they've listed plans, but I don't know how finances for running a site are so I can't really comment on their plans. But considering I just started there I'm not inclined to get really invested in it right now. Especially since, skimming their previous financial posts, they said they were doing well. And the tone of the post doesn't help.

(There's more I could go into but let's just leave it there.)

I also found this Tumblr post which talks about this too and links to a mastodon post that I remember coming across before about some issues with cohost. At the time I was also looking at hive I believe since it was another big option and even though I decided on neither of them at the time, I now remember why I didn't bother with cohost after I made my account. It's something to dig into more, I guess (if I can find time for that).

I liked how they handled some things (muffle vs silencing tags and words, allowing you to see automatically see certain content warnings like spoilers for a game, pinning tags to your profile). I think I'm gonna just focus on Pillowfort and Bluesky again as play I catch up on an art archive since Tumblr hasn't been looking so great. Pillowfort financial status isn't the most amazing either but they're way more transparent about it and have a monthly breakdown of their expenses and progress on funding and are against generative AI and other tech crap that's come up over the years. So they get my primary energy for this backup/move.

[beaker1636]

H is for Only Hands - Justin

AN: I don't know how I feel about this one, it's not my favorite but could be worse. I tried to really focus on the dirty talk in this one to make up for the only half way point of it in his last chapter. Next up is Ricky with impact play, so be prepared, that one will be intense and hot! Enjoy H is for Only Hands :)

The girls met at the cafe for lunch, they all were going to do a girls day and had already had their nails done this morning.  They were finishing up with lunch before they’d go their separate ways.  They all genuinely are good friends with each other, having a bond together that nobody else really understands because of what they have to deal with in their relationships.

As the four women sat at the table they noticed the empty chair where Carlotta would normally sit when they did their monthly girls day and weren’t sure what to feel about her being gone.

“I miss Carlotta, I hope things are going alright for her,” Mia says softly, feeling a bit upset at the empty chair that sat at the table.

“Rick checked in with Vin last night and he told him that things are going alright, that she is feeling a bit better being cut off from social media and work for now,” Naomi said, looking at the other girls with a smile.

“I’m glad to hear that, I have been worrying about her,” Ari says softly as she takes her seat next to Mia. “I know what it’s like to reach that point and it is not easy to come back out of it.”

They all put in their orders as they continue to talk, continuing to enjoy their company as they just relax and get away from what's going on in their lives.

“So how did attempting to dominate Ryan go last night?” Naomi asks Ari with a laugh, she’s the only one that Naomi told her plan to ahead of time.

“It went great until I was distracted and he told me to let his arms loose and I stupidly did, that was game over for me,” Ari says with a light blush. “Once I did he took over and yeah.”

“You say that like you don’t enjoy when you frustrate him and he gets aggressive, I’m not sure who enjoys the aggressiveness more, you, Mia or Naomi,” Vanessa says with a wink towards her friend.

“I think you and Lottie would enjoy it if you would let go and allow your guys to be, just saying,” Mia says before taking a sip of her coffee. “You are just both too shy to attempt it yet.  Once you’ve been together for so long you need to change things up and it can be nice.”

“Could you imagine how hard Lottie would be blushing right now,” Naomi says, her mood falling slightly when she thinks about her friend. “Side note, I was going to drop off a little gift basket with some flowers, face mask, bath bombs, etc. on my way home, if any of you want to go in on it with me.  I just thought that some stuff to help her relax would be the best thing I could do to help her.”

“How are you taking her hiatus? You two are the closest,” Vanessa asks her, reaching out to rest a hand on her friends in comfort.

“I feel guilty that I didn’t realize how bad she was doing.  I knew her and her parents got into it again recently, and that work was getting hard but she didn’t seem that upset when we would talk every day.  It is hard knowing I can’t help her but I know Vin is great to her and he is doing the right thing by having her take some time away,” Naomi says softly, trying not to think about it all.

 “Do you know what the trigger finally was that set off her breakdown and everything?” Mia asks gently, wanting to know what her friend is going through. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t think you should.”

“I don’t know, all Vinny told Rick was that it involved her mom but he didn’t say more because he felt she would tell any of us if she was comfortable,” Naomi answers, being honest about what is going on.

Their food is brought and they all switch to a lighter subject as they eat, all of them parting ways after eating lunch and heading home now that they are all more relaxed and had some time away.

You pull  up to your and Justin’s shared home, feeling slightly down because of everything going on but is also in a decent mood.  It is finally their turn again after losing last time, her and Justin can finally do more than just kiss.  You didn’t think it would be so hard being unable to for only 5 days but it has been hard on both of them.

“What was our letter?” you ask when you see Justin sitting on the couch, not even hiding the fact that you are horny after the last few days.

Justin laughs before answering, “Well, someone is feeling needy after getting cock blocked for a while.”

“Well just using your hand isn’t as fun, I know you feel the same,” you pout, frustrated that he won’t just tell you what it is and start fucking you again.

“Well, that is the problem, for H Ryan gave us only hands, we can only use our hands to get eachother off.  We can’t kiss, can’t lick anything, can’t actually fuck… I mean at least we can still do something together but it still sucks.  It almost feels like he is continuing the cock blocking with this letter,” Justin says, pulling you on to his lap.

“Your hands are better than mine but I would be lying if I didn’t say Fuck Ryan, this sucks.” You respond, groaning in annoyance. “We can’t even kiss each other on the lips during it?” 

Justin rests a hand on one of your thighs, rubbing gentle circles on it for a moment before speaking. “Unfortunately no, but come tomorrow when we can you best be prepared because you will be getting it.  I need to be inside of you after a week without, I miss feeling you wrapped around my cock baby.”

“Hmm, what will you do to me Justin?” you asks, his dirty words getting to you as you lean into his embrace, resting your face on his shoulder while you straddle his lap.

He moves his hands to your hips, slowly getting you to rock your hips against his, trying to get that friction between the two of you.

“Well first I would lean down and tease you in your sensitive spot on your throat, the one that always makes you really wet when I suck and bite it.  Then I would trail kisses down your throat and along your collarbones before I took shirt and bra off, teasing your tits and nipples with both my mouth and fingers because I know how sensitive they are,” he says lowly in your ear as his hands slip under your shirt and removes it from your body, your bra following. 

He has you turn around on his lap so that your back is against his chest as he wraps his arms around you, doing just as he said and pinching your nipples between his thumb and forefinger on each side before soothing the sting with gentle touches and flicks of his fingertips, taking his time to really gets you to shift and squirm on his lap, letting out quiet moans and breaths as you grow more and more needy.  He is making sure that even though he can only use his hands that he is really taking his time to get you going, wanting you to still enjoy this.

“Next I would slowly leave touches and kisses down your tummy and hips, ghosting them in all the spots that make you whine and wither in pleasure as I tease you, working you up so that your pussy would be wet and ready for me when I finally make it there.  Teasing you and enjoying the view when I notice the wet spot on your panties that I caused without even touching you there.

You lift your hips slightly so that he can remove your jeans from your body before you lean back into his embrace as his hands continue to ghost down your body.  They are now teasing you through your panties, circling your clit with a finger, the material making the feeling both enjoyable as it is different but also frustrating as you want him to just touch you.  You shift your hips, chasing the feeling that he is giving you with just barely even touching you.

You move off his lap, taking a seat next to him on the couch so that you can pop open the button on his jeans, removing them from him along with his boxers so that you can lightly stroke him as well, wanting him to get something out of this moment too.

“When I finally have you wet enough for my liking I would slowly slide your panties down before licking you, tasting you for the first time in months because of the tour, I would torment you and get you all worked up, making you cum on my lips more than once, make you all sensitive for me.”

He moves your panties to the side with one finger, now teasing your clit directly and groaning when he feels how wet you are when he finally touches you. “Fuck, you like it when I talk dirty like this?” He asks you, continuing to slowly run a couple fingers up and down your slit, working you up even more without giving you what you need.

“Yes, I love it,” you let out breathlessly, speeding the movements of your hand on him up as you do, trying to prove the point that you are enjoying it.

“Next I would plunge two fingers deep inside of you, thrusting them into you slowly at first.  Not giving you what you want, wanting to tease you, make you beg for more while I deny you of what you need before I finally give in and finger fuck your wet pussy like you want it.”

He thrusts two fingers into you harshly, without warning now as he says these things.  You moan, the feeling of him working his fingers in you causing your toes to curl, biting your lip as he starts to roughly fuck you with them, bringing you closer to the edge.

“Maybe if you are a good girl I will let you cum all over my hand, make you gasp and moan in pleasure as I bring you to another orgasm before I force you to take my hard cock in you, not giving you time to adjust to me before I start fucking you harshly, this time worried about my own release, not yours.  Watching as you fall apart on my cock from the feeling, groaning as you start to clench around me.”

He now shifts slightly, his thumb finding your clit to rub it in circles as his fingers speed up, fucking you a lot harder than before.  You feel yourself growing close, very close, so you increase your pace, stroking his cock a lot faster now and your grip tighter, wanting him to cum with you.

“Fuck, baby, cum for me please? I can tell you are close,” he groans out, watching you as you start to tremble under him. 

His words are all it takes, you cum harshly on his fingers, moaning out as the feeling washes over you, hand stilling as you ride it out.  Justin pulls his fingers out of you, putting them in your mouth and licking your essense clean off his fingers, the sight alone enough to almost make you cum again despite the fact he isn’t touching you.

When you come down from your high you begin to stroke him again, now focusing on getting him off.  Twisting your hand as you tighten your grip, your other hand moving to play with his balls knowing that he enjoys it when you do.

“Fuck, I’m close, can I finish on you?” He asks, looking at your face for an answer as you let him thrust up into your fist.

You nod and pull your hand away, moving to your knees in front of where he sits as he on the couch, watching closely as he tugs at his own cock, working himself to the edge. 

“Baby I-I’m,” he groans loudly, his hot cum landing on your tits as he finishes, watching you as you take a finger and run it through his cum, before sticking it in your mouth and sucking it clean.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” he breaths out, slowly coming down from his own orgasm before he glances down at you. “I think we should probably go shower now that I have made a mess of you.”

You giggle at his words before nodding at him and following him towards the bathroom so that you can do that with him, letting him rinse his cum off your body as the hot water pours over both of you.

“You better have been being honest and actually plan to do all that tomorrow or I will be upset.  As enjoyable as that was nothing beats having you inside of me,” you say, teasing him with words of your own this time.

“Are you trying to get me hard again with your words? I promise that tomorrow will be worth it, scouts honor,” he says it as a joke but he is absolutely serious.  Come morning when he can finally claim you as his own he plans to wreck you, make you cum so many times that you regret making these comments towards him that you just did.

[beardeddetectivepaper]

$81,139/$160,000

Dear readers, My name is Shahid and I am raising money to help my best friend's family. Please read their message. Numerical breakdown included at the end of the post "Imagine looking your family in the eye, in your kids’ eyes knowing that this might be your last moment in life? Pulling them from under the rubble and fleeing miraculously with no where to go… for 5 months… how would that feel? Hi all! We are 4 families (17 people - 8 kids included) living in Gaza, Palestine. At the time I'm writing this it has been 140 days of this war and life has never been harder. One week after the war started, we had to evacuate our home and started to move to the southern area of the Strip. So far, we have lost 10 members of my family (cousins), my sister’s newly-built house, all of our jobs, assets and belongings and more! Five month later and we haven’t been able to go back home. We slept in strangers’ houses, in schools, in a teeny tiny tent in the street. We have been targeted and a house we escaped to fell over us.. it’s a miracle we’re still alive. Currently, we’re staying in a small secluded room that doesn’t have any bathroom or any other facility surrounded by collapsed houses due to strikes! We have a very limited access to food, water, and medications. Countless days of hunger, thirst, and cold!

Life here has become impossible! Prices are 10 times higher and everything became almost unaffordable! And It’s been so long since we had any income- keeping in mind that we are already suffering a financial hit because of current circumstances. We don’t have clothes that suit the cold weather and the only clothes we have are the ones that are on us! If we want to cook anything we have to light up fire and it’s another challenge and so risky… let alone that it destroyed our health especially that I and 3 kids in the family have asthma. The list of hardships can’t be placed in one page! Before it’s too late, we need you to extend your generous hands towards us and help us find a safe destination outside this hell.. where dreams are allowed and people aren’t numbers displayed on the screen for seconds.

The goal is to be able to gather around 40k$ for each family just to escape this nightmare and to be able to start a new life somewhere else. And here’s how you can help: * Entering the Egyptian side: Since we don’t have any airport, the only way to travel is by crossing Rafah border to the Egyptian side. To do so, they demand we pay 5000$ for every adult and 2500$ for kids under 15 years old and that’s if they didn’t raise the fees even higher! We won’t be receiving one dollar from this huge fee. It’s all going to go to the company and authorities in the Egyptian side. It’s how people benefit from others’ suffering, unfortunately. (At least 65k$ will go down the drain) * Reuniting with our Moroccan roots: It has been 5 months since we last had any source of income and we have been spending 10 times the normal prices of literally everything! Starting from square one for 4 families isn’t a piece of cake especially the first year until we can secure jobs and a steady source of income: - We need around 100$ per person to issue passports… and around 800$ per person for plane tickets - We don’t have a problem with 17 people having to live in one house… and that’s around 750$ - 900$ monthly rent, not to mention schools, daily expenses, medications (we have diabetes patients and asthma) and much more for 4 families and that’s going to cost around 750$ monthly to say the least for each family and it only covers the necessities and basics - Placing a request in court to Getting our Moroccan nationality, hiring an attorney and more expenses

Kindly remember that time isn’t our best ally and as you go on with your lives please know that 4 families of 17 people will forever be thankful that you pulled them from this constant danger to the shores of safety by donating. We appreciate your participation and so thankful for the time you spend reading our story." The families that will receive the funds - Zuhair M. S. Masood Monira A. R. Masood Hala Z. M. Masoud Mohammed Z. M. Masood Rana M. I. Masood Lian M. Z. Masood Mira M. Z. Masood Ceila M. Z. Masood Ahmed Z. M. Masood Rwaida J. H. Masood Sara A. Z. Masood Dana A. Z. Masood Rabab Z. M. Al Hayk Yousef S. I. Al Hayk Jana Y. S. Al Hayk Amro Y. S. Al Hayk Yazan Yousef Shabaan Al Hayk 1. Border Crossing Fees: • $5,000 per adult • $2,500 per child under 15 years old 2. Passport and Travel Expenses: • $100 per person for passport issuance • $800 per person for plane tickets 3. Living Expenses: • Housing: $750 - $900 monthly rent for 17 people • Monthly Necessities: Approximately $750 per family 4. Legal Procedures: • Requesting Moroccan Nationality: Costs associated with hiring an attorney and court fees

The total estimated cost involves various elements, including the border crossing fees, travel expenses, living costs, and legal procedures. Disclaimer- the fees can vary depending on the circumstance of a ceasefire but as mentioned this family has experienced total loss of their home. 100% of funds raised will dedicated to assisting the recipients in receiving aid to rebuild their life

[ferrethyun]

When The Moon Met The Earth

Pairing: Moon witch!Lee Minho x Male!Moon God!Reader

Genre: Acquaintances to lovers?, Hurt not really much comfort (Absolute minimal comfort), Angst and some fluff

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings: Supernatural elements, minor slowburn but its 5k so its not that slow, angst oml, minho is a cry baby at the end, swearing at the end, Moon witch! Minho, Elemental witch! Chan, Eclectic witch! Changbin, Divination witch! Hyunjin, Healer! Jisung, Hedge witch! Felix, Witch! Seungmin, Shifter! Jeongin, Moon god! reader, Seungmin has a bit of a breakdown and thinks hes a failure, magical violence with consequences? (It was unintentional violence), hurt and basically no comfort whoops Please let me know if I missed any warnings!!

Notes: This was part of Clownrachas monthly prompts from october! (Very delayed i know) enjoy and if you have feed back id love to hear it!!

Tag list: @snow-pegasus, @wooyussy, @brownieracha

Having the god of the moon in your home was an odd experience and not one many would experience. Minho was sure of that at least. What he wasn’t sure about was how he felt having you watch his every single move. He hadn’t meant to summon you that night; what was supposed to be a simple blessing and offering ritual turned into having the physical manifestation of the moon watching him as he worked his way around the kitchen, spoons stirring pots on their own and herbs flying across the kitchen as Minho used his magic to bring them over. “You have a lovely home, Minho” You mused as you wandered around, opening cupboards and taking a peek as you saw fit.

“Don’t touch anything, please” Minho replied, voice echoing in the cabinet that he was rifling through, “Felix will have my head if his ingredients are even an inch out of place.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t touch a thing” Your eyes shimmering as they followed him, marvelling at the iridescent fabric of the skirt he wore as it flowed behind him, “It’s been so long since I’ve been down here. I’m simply a little curious.”

Minho's actions stilled “How long is ‘so long’?” He asked.

“Give or take a few millennia.” You hummed out, taking a seat on one of the bar stools next to the kitchen island. The kitchen fell into silence, the only noises coming from the stove as a pot bubbled away and the kettle next to it began to whistle. Clattering of cups caught your attention, eyes back on Minho as he placed two cups down on the counter and spooned in a few herbs.

“What are you making?” You asked, head tilted with curiosity as you tried to look around the witch.

“Chamomile tea,” Minho responded in a mumble, concentrating on making the two drinks, “It’s good for nerves.”

“But I’m not nervous?” Came your reply, confusion twitching in your brow.

“Never said you were. Besides, I’d imagine a simple herbal tea wouldn’t have much of an effect on a god” Minho sighed, placing one of the cups in front of you.

“You need not be nervous around me, dear starlight,” A soft smile blessing your features as you inhaled the sweet yet fresh scent of the tea, “You’ve been a devoted follower all these years, just like the rest of your family. Do you remember when you were younger?”

His nose scrunched, Minho couldn’t remember much of his childhood; an unfortunate mishap with a memory spell that he had tried when he was seventeen caused most of his childhood memories to disappear. The only things he could remember were important events and his family “I can’t say that I do.”

He watched as you took a sip of your tea and chuckled into the cup, the sound like gentle wind chimes in his ears “I remember the day you did that memory spell. Very unfortunate mispronunciation was your downfall with that spell, by the way-” Looking into the eyes of the other, mischief danced behind your own, “-When you were seven, your family were preparing to do a full moon ritual, you professed your love for me.”

Minho couldn’t help the scoff that tumbled from his lips “Absolutely not.”

“It's true, you know?” You grinned, “You looked up at me with such awe, turned to your family and started rambling about how much you loved me and that one day you were going to marry me. Of course, I understand at that age what childish words mean and that you only thought of me as ‘the moon’. You’ve been so devout all these years, dear starlight. I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to finally come and see you in person.”

“Please, don’t call me that.” Minho frowned the cup in his hand suddenly becoming the most interesting thing in the world.

“As you wish,” He could hear the way your smile dropped, “I want to get to know you better, Minho. I only have until the full moon till I have to go back; please, at least grant me one wish.”

The words from your mouth shocked Minho. A god asking for a wish? How absurd “What is it?”

“Let me get to know you as more than just one of my followers,” You replied softly, “Let me get to know you as Minho. As one of your coven. I want to know you.”

The following quiet days allowed you time to meet the other members of Minho's coven; what was unusual about the coven is that there seemed to not be one true leader. Instead, the coven was made up of witches from various paths of practice. First, there was Christopher, or Chan as he asked to be called, an elemental witch with a particular affinity for fire magic. Then there was Changbin, who identified himself as an eclectic witch, choosing to incorporate his magic into more mundane tasks such as working out or in his music instead of focusing solely on spells or rituals.

One evening you met Hyunjin and Felix. The two had faces that could not be easily forgotten, their high cheekbones and sharp eyes reminiscent of pixies. Having come from the same village growing up, the two knew each other very well. Hyunjin explained that while his magic was mostly utilised in divination, he would also consider himself a hedge witch much like Felix was.

As you spoke to the two, the feeling of something curling around your ankle startled you. Taking a few steps back, you looked down to meet wide black pupils and a mass of orange fur “Soonie!” Felix called out, crouching down to stroke at the cat's head. As he stroked the feline, two more cats came strolling past. You couldn’t help but wonder whose they were and where they had been the past few days; given that you hadn’t left the house at all, it was surprising you hadn’t seen them at all.

“That’s Soonie, Doongie and Dori,” Hyunjin explained, coming to stand at your side, “They’re all Minho’s but only Doongie and Dori are pets. Soonie is his familiar.”

Soonie turned away from Felix as you crouched down, padding over and sniffing at your stretched-out hand with curiosity. After a couple of seconds, the cat nuzzled its head into your hand, letting out loud purrs that rumbled through the living room. However, the moment of peace was short-lived as someone came barreling into the room, tripping on the rug and falling face-first to the ground with a loud groan causing the three felines to scatter in different directions “Oh stars! Are you okay?” You gasped out, a mortified look washing over your features.

The figure on the floor simply responded with a thumbs up in your general direction before letting his hand hit the floor limply “I think I’m just gonna lay here and die now, thanks.” They groaned out into the rug, voice muffled by the fibres.

“Please don’t. No one wants to clean up your dead body today.” Hyunjin deadpanned with crossed arms.

“That’s Jisungie. He’s our healer.” Felix explained, meeting your eyes with a grin. You could swear that his freckles sparkled under the sunlight for a split second “He’s been away on a trip that’s why you haven’t met him yet.”

“Trust me, with how loud he is, you’ll never not know where he is at any given moment,” Hyunjin spoke up, you could see his eyes roll from where he now sat on the sofa.

“Han Jisung, if you do not pick yourself up from that floor right now. So help me, gods, I will come in there!” An all too familiar tingle ran up your arms and down your spine at the yelling of Minho. Even though he had referenced multiple gods, he only ever honoured you in his practice; the link that this had created over time made you all too aware of whenever he called upon a god.

“We don’t need any more god's help if we already have one with us though.” A new voice chirped from the doorway. Looking up, you saw that it was Jeongin. You had met him the same day that you had asked to get to know Minho better. Granted, it wasn't a normal introduction, especially when a fox suddenly jumps up in your lap and then jumps back down with a squeak after finally looking up at who he had jumped on. That’s how you learnt that Jeongin was not a witch but instead a shifter, welcomed into the coven just as equally as the rest were despite not being of the same magical affinity.

Just over Jeongins shoulder, you could make out the face of the last member of the coven, Seungmin. Despite most witches his age having come to find their speciality, he had not. His magic was abundant, to the point anyone could feel it radiating off his body in waves, but it seemed to never get used outside of helping his fellow coven members with simple spells and rituals. Despite his neutral face whenever asked about his magic speciality, it was easy to tell that it was becoming harder and harder to talk about; the frustration mixing into his aura daily slowly beginning to unsettle your brain. This had already planted seeds of ideas into your brain, all you needed to do was find a way to initiate the plan that began to formulate “Seungmin,” Your words silencing the hubbub of the room, “Can I talk to you? Alone possibly?”

“Me?” Seungmins' features scrunched as he pointed to himself. You nodded in response and headed in the direction of the kitchen,

Seungmin almost tripping over his feet as he hurried to follow. Seungmin couldn’t help the way his hands gripped together and twisted in anxiety as he stood in front of you; the silence in the room was thick and suffocating “Seungmin, it is to my understanding that you don’t have a particular path of magic that you follow, right?” You began, watching as the other's head dipped in what seemed like shame, “There’s nothing wrong with not knowing your path at this age. I’ve known many followers of mine to only discover their path later in life. Most come to their powers naturally but I can feel the distress that this situation causes you. I want to help you.”

The young witch's head shot up in shock, his hands stilling their anxious actions “Help me?” His voice was quiet.

“Yes. Your magical energy is abundant and waiting to find its release and I’m hoping that, with my own powers and influence, I can help you.” You hummed in response, hand coming up with a delicate twirl. Seungmin watched in awe as white mist formed around it before shooting off around the room then dashing up to hit the ceiling; his jaw-dropping further as a starry scene took over the top of the room, the temperature dropping slightly.

“I- I don-” He started.

“Absolutely not.” A voice cut in from the doorway. You watched with a neutral expression as Minho stormed past his coven mate and into your personal space, anger flaring behind his eyes “You of all people should know that a witch's path is their own to find!”

“Minho, do you not understand the distress this causes Seungmin?” You quizzed, watching as the youngers head dipped again to avoid Minho's gaze, “I only want to help him, I’m not here to interfere with the path that he begins on.”

Minho could only let out a low sigh, he hadn’t realised that Seungmin would feel so upset about not having a path. He prided himself on being able to take care of all of his coven members but he had failed to miss this one small detail. How? “Fine,” He eventually murmured, “But I have to be there for anything you try. I don’t want him to go through this alone.”

The next day came the first attempt at trying to find Seungmin's path. You, Seungmin, Minho and Felix had gone out earlier in the day to collect some herbs and other medicinal plants, planning to create various concoctions and baked goods with what had been harvested; it was certainly interesting to watch the way Felix interacted with the nature that surrounded the covens home. The witch would take his time harvesting, leaving offerings and thanks after asking the earth permission to harvest its abundant goods. The forest seemed to sway with gentle winds and life as he laughed at a joke that Seungmin made, the rays that escaped through the canopy making the hedge witch's skin glow. With the way he interacted with nature and it responded, you could tell that mother nature favoured him and offered him her support wherever he went.

Eventually, as the sun began to burn in the afternoon hours, the kitchen filled with life. The counters were covered with various herbs and the smell of yeast began to fill the air as Felix and Seungmin focused on making dough, the two taking turns kneading when the other got tired “Hmmmm, I think it needs more flour?” Seungmin pondered, lifting his dough-clad hands from the bowl.

Felix looked into the bowl and then to Seugmins hands and let out a small huffed laugh “I think so too” He grinned, “Hey, Min? Could you grab the flour? My hands are kinda sticky so I don’t wanna get it all over the cupboard”

Minho ventured in the direction of the cupboard he knew was Felixes, rummaging through the plentiful ingredients as he tried to find the sack of flour “Felix, how many ingredients do you need in one cupboard?” Minho grunted out, his voice lilted with a teasing tone.

“Hey! You can never-” Felix cut himself off with a yelp, “Seungmin!” Minho closed the cupboard door and turned to find the two younger witches wrestling each other, Felixs’ cheeks covered in sticky dough and Seungmin grinning like a fool as he tried to get more over his coven mate's face.

“You two are unbelievable,” Minho sighed, placing the flour on the kitchen island in front of the two bickering males, “This bread will never be made if you keep it like this.” This caused the two to split with shy grins on their faces, though Seungmins held a more gloating look as he preened at his win. Minho's eyes flitted to your form, your shoulders shook gently as you tried to hide your laughter behind your hands.

“Come here Felix, let’s clean you up.” Your voice was warm as you made your way towards him with a cloth in hand. Minho watched as you wiped at the youngers cheek with a gentle touch, his eyes softening when he saw the gentle gaze your eyes held “There, all clean!” You grinned, ruffling at Felixs’ hair. Minho didn’t miss the way that Felix's head tilted into your touch, his heart warming at the sight of the interaction.

“Uhm… Moon?” Seungmin said, “You have flour on your nose.” Your face contorted in surprise, nose scrunching and wiggling as if you were trying to get it off. Felix and Seungmin couldn’t help the boisterous laughter that left them as they watched you go cross-eyed trying to look at the offending flour. Minho let out a soft huff before making his way around the island and towards you, thumbing the flour off your nose when you turned to him.

“There, it's gone,” Minho said, grinning at the surprise in your eyes, “Now, can we get back to the bread? We’re supposed to be helping Seungmin see if he’s a hedge witch you know?”

“Oh yeah! The flour, could you pass it over here, Moon?” Felix asked, grin never leaving his cheeks as he watched you move the flour across the counter. The baking continued with a warm hum, the kitchen buzzing with Felix’s magic; soon enough, the bread made its way into the oven and the kitchen was in the process of being cleaned.

“Hey, Moon?” Felix called out across the room

“Hm? Yes?”

“Do you have a name? It feels weird to just call you moon even though you are the moon, you know?”

“I haven’t had a name in a while…” You pondered in response, “How about you pick one for me?” Felix let out a noise at this, muttering to himself as he thought through all of the options his brain could create.

The room sat in silence for what felt like hours before someone spoke up “What about Y/n?” Minho’s voice was small as if he didn’t want to be heard.

You paused, eyes studying the moon witches form with a tender look “Y/n…” You tested, “I like it. Thank you, Minho.”

When the first attempt at finding Seungmins path came up fruitless, you moved to Hyunjin. Divination was a common aspect of many witches' paths but some, like Hyunjin, excelled in it. That's how you found yourself in a small room that was tucked away in the back of the coven's home; the room had no windows and relied on candlelight to light the space. The hardwood floor was covered with various rugs, cushions and blankets. In the centre of the room was a round low table, atop it sat a teapot and four cups with loose-leaf tea in them. “You know, when you said we’d be reading tea today, I imagined it would be Seungmin only.” Minho huffed as he took a seat next to the table.

“Just because my tarot cards told you the truth that you didn’t want to hear that one time, doesn’t mean you can be grumpy every time it comes to divination,” Hyunjin quipped while rolling his eyes “Besides, I think it will be fun to see what happens since it's been a while since I’ve done this with any of the coven.”

“I think this will be rather interesting.” You spoke up watching as Seungmin nodded in agreement.

Hyunjin grinned “You’re outnumbered Mr.grumpy gills. Now, let's read!” Hyunjin took his time explaining the steps that would occur as he poured out the hot water into the cups, taking his time to pour with intention. The four of you conversed as the tea steeped, Hyunjin eagerly recalling the story of Minhos tarot reading when you asked about it. Soon enough, the tea had steeped long enough and Hyunjin explained the steps once more, making sure to watch over the other two witches and make sure that everything was done correctly. Once the teacups had been flipped back over, Hyunjin peered into each of the cups, murmuring softly to himself but his face never budging from a neutral expression “Okay, Seungminnie we’ll start with you,” Hyunjin spoke up, clasping his hands together gently,

“What symbols can you see in your cup?”

The younger witches brow furrowed as he glanced into his cup, squinting at the leaves “I mean, not much?” His lips pursed in a thin line, “This one at the bottom kinda looks like a star? But other than that, none of this makes sense to me. I can’t even feel a stir in my magic right now”

Hyunjin hummed in response “That’s alright, divination may not be your path but the leaves still tell me a lot,” Hyunjin grabbed the youngers up and began explaining what he saw “You were right about the star at the bottom and at the top here you can see an axe. Things are looking good for you, Seungie”

“That’s amazing,” A smile took over your face, your voice calling attention to you, “You really are an amazing witch Hyunjin. Do you think you can see anything in my cup?” Hyunjin grinned at your praise, pink dusting his cheeks as he reached over and took your cup. The room was silent for a moment, breaths held as you all watched his brow furrow and how his eyes darted around the ceramic “Is everything alright?”

Hyunjins head snapped up as if he had been pulled from a trance “Y-yeah! Everythings fine, it’s perfect even,” he stuttered, “Your leaves are all at the top of the cup, which confused me a little but there’s nothing bad at least” You could feel the soar in the witches magic, a grimace taking place on your face for a fleeting moment before you smiled once more.

“I’m glad to hear that” You spoke softly, taking the cup out of Hyunjins shaking hands. Hyunjin could feel the warm pulse of your magic flow from his hands and wash over his shoulders, you had to know what was in that cup, there’s no way you didn’t. The witches eyes locked with yours, a small pleading look behind his own eyes as he glanced over at Minho and Seungmin and then back to you; your own eyes held a gentle sorrow as you subtly shook your head at him. He let out a soft sigh as he pulled his hands back, now reaching for the moon witches cup.

“Before you start, I don’t want to know what anything in that cup means” Minho grumbled, his eyes darting to your form, not missing the interaction that you had just had with Hyunjin, “Just read it and tell me what you see.” It wasn’t that Minho didn’t want to know, in fact, he already knew what his cup meant; he’d rather not acknowledge the truth that the leaves held for him.

“Well, I can see a few things.” Hyunjin started, “A broken wheel, an umbrella, rain and a question mark to name a few. Jeez…”

“Maybe it’s best if we stop?” Seungmin cut in, voice strained, feeling the rising tension in the room.

Murmur's agreement filled the room “There’s still some bread and other bakes from the other day, maybe we should have some?” You suggested, “Help take our minds off of things for now”

“This already feels like a terrible idea” Seungmins tone was nervous as he stood in front of the lit bonfire, “If I was an elemental witch, surely I would have figured that out by now?”

“Don’t be silly, Seungmin” Chan grinned as he shook his hand to put out the fire that lit the tips of his fingers, “I didn’t figure it out till I was twenty so there’s nothing out of the ordinary about it.”

“Still. I don’t think trying to control literal fire is the best way to go about this!” the younger witch exclaimed, emphasizing the words ‘literal fire’, “Maybe water would be easier to start with? or maybe even earth?”

Chan looked as if he was sulking “You and I both know that’s a terrible idea when I’m around”

“If worse come to worse, we can always seek out elemental witches outside of the coven” Your voice piped up from next to the bonfire,

“Being an elemental witch is another one that takes time due to how many elements there are”

“Hey! This’ll work, I know it!” Chan pouted.

“It’s best not to get Seungmins hopes up Chan,” Minho hissed in the elemental witches ear, “We spoke about this.”

Chan muttered a small apology before going back to the bonfire, the flames leaning towards him as if they were trying to hug the elemental witch. His hands waved over the fire, the flames turning a darker red instantly “The cooler flames are easier to control if it's your first time,” Chan began explaining, “You have to connect with it, feel the bond between the flame and your own inner flame. The fire will be attracted to your magic, let it get a sense of you first before trying to control it.”

You could see the hesitance on Seungmins face, his hands wringing together with anxiety; a habit he couldn’t seem to kick “Maybe, we should have started with a smaller flame?” You suggested, unsure of how this situation would turn out, “A bonfire is rather… much.”

“You don’t have to do this today, Seungmin,” Minho added, his voice softened by the tension.

“N-No, it’s fine! I got this” Seungmins tone was shaky at best, “It’ll be fine!”

It wasn't fine.

The moment that Seungmin had felt the flames' warmth under his hand, the flame spat ashes and embers at him; the young witch recoiling and falling to the ground with a rapidly approaching flame headed towards him. All he could do was watch in horror as he scrambled backwards.

“Chan do something!” Minho yelled out, panic racking through his bones as he ran towards Seungmin, “Fucking do something, you dunce!”

“I’m trying!” Chan grunted back, eyes aflame, “It’s outside of the boundary I set for it. It has to be extinguished!”

“What do you think I’m trying to do, Christopher?” Minho hissed, trying to snub out the flame with his foot.

Having heard and then seen the chaos that was occurring outside, it was no surprise when Felix came running over with a bucket of water; quickly extinguishing the flame, breath heaving from how fast he had run over “Are you guys alright?”

No one responded, the air thick and reeking of tension. Your heart was racing from anxiety and shame, you could have done something and didn’t “I think-”

“This is all your fault!” Minho cut in, having appeared in front of you, “I should have never let you do this to Seungmin. He could have died!”

“Minho, you need to calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” He seethed, pushing you back with force, “I could have lost a coven mate and for what? Yet another failed attempt at finding his path?”

“Min-”

“Don’t! You of all people should know better than this! To think I was letting you in and-”

“Stop it! Just stop!” Seungmin cried out, now standing on trembling legs, “I get it- I’m the one failure in this coven because I don’t have a path!” Everyone stilled, no one moving even an inch. You watched as the young witch hugged and curled in on himself; shaking shoulders warning you of the impending tears.

“Seungmin…” You breathed out, taking a small step towards him only to be met with an arm. Minho blocking your way.

“Don’t even think about going near him” He gritted out, “You’ve done enough damage already.”

“Minho can you not see-” your words fell on deaf ears.

“Just be quiet! Both of you!” Seungmins hands were now covering his ears in an attempt to block out all of the yelling, “I swear on the moon if you two don't shut up, I’ll make you!” Everything seemed to slow at that moment; from Seungmins outburst of yelling and power to the cold feeling of magic that hit you square in the back after shifting places with Minho. Seungmin was once again on the floor, curled in on himself with black swirling masses surrounding him in a protective circle.

Minho couldn’t help the way that his jaw dropped open “W-What?” He stammered out, not attempting to move your hand that now lay on his shoulder, “Seungmin?”

You looked at the moon witch then at the younger witch on the floor and sighed “So it seems he does have a path after all” You grimaced, a shudder filling your body.

“What is it?” Minho asked, his voice now meek and shaken.

“That, starlight, is black matter-” making your way over to the black voids and holding a hand out to it “-It seems that your dear Seungmin is a cosmic witch.”

“Is it dangerous?”

“When handled correctly, it’s not” You let out a shaky laugh, “This explains why his magical energy was so abundant. In order for it to leave, he needs to calm down and settle his energy.”

The moon witch shook his head, trying to break the haze of shock that glazed over his brain “How do we do that?” His hands wringing together. Huh. So that’s where Seungmin got it from.

You pulled your hand back from the black matter, noticing the faint translucent greying at the tips of your fingers that was moving to creep up your hands. Looking down, you were greeted with a similar sight licking at your ankles “Well, it seems he got most of the energy out when he shot out his magic at us to protect himself. So, it shouldn’t be hard to do” You gave Minho a tight-lipped smile, watching as his eyes widened as they fell to look at your rapidly disappearing hand.

“W-Wait. What’s happening? What do you mean he shot at us? What’s wrong with your hand?” Minho's questions came at you rapid fire, your lack of answers doing nothing to quell his anxieties.

“Looks like I have to leave a little early, starlight” Your words were soft, so soft but swimming with sorrow.

“Leave? What- No!” The moon witch exclaimed, grimacing at the way his hands shook and the lump in his throat refused to go away “You can’t! I’ve only just-” He sucked in a breath of air “-Just started to know you. To care for you. To love you! You can’t…”

“Oh, starlight…” Your voice was soft, threatening to shake with tears

“You have to stay, please!” Tears started to flow down the moon witches face with no sign of stopping any time soon, “Please, please, please just stay…”

“Don’t worry, my dear starlight. I’ll tell the stars all about you. ”

A stuttered breath fell from Minho's tear-wet lips “You can’t go, not now. It’s not fair!” His hands grasping at the front of your shirt, the wrinkles deep with hidden pain.

“Life is not always fair.” your voice was soft. Minho let out another soft sob as he met eyes with your glistening ones, leaning his head into your faint hands as they came to cup at his cheeks. He could feel the way you wiped at his never-ending tears, your touch as gentle as the comforting words you murmured out; not that Minho could hear them, his head full of white noise and a dull thudding from trying to catch his breath.

Suddenly, he pushed forwards into your arms, head coming to the crook of your neck and arms now around your torso. Your hands stilled in the air for a moment before coming to wrap around the witch, one hand rubbing at his back and the other resting on his head. Even though they weren’t visible, you could still feel Minho's shuddering back. Looking up at the star-clad sky, you couldn’t help but sigh “It’s time for me to go, dear starlight”

“Please… No…” Minho's voice was weak now, all of his pent-up energy gone, spent on tears.

“I don’t have long my starlight, so let me say this” You breathed out, your own eyes shimmering when the moon witch lifted his head to look at you, “You’ve always been more than just a follower to me and being here has only developed my feelings towards you more. While I admit, I originally wanted them to stay solely platonic. I think we’ve both found ourselves a little deeper than we thought we would end up. Fate played her hand for us-”

“If fate was involved she’d let you stay!” Minho sobbed out, a fresh stream of tears cascading down his cheeks.

“Fate works in so many ways, starlight.” You murmured out, “Just as it was fate that you summoned me. It’s fate that I have to return early”

“Please… Don’t go.” Minho was now whimpering, “You can’t. I’m your starlight. You said it yourself”

“Yes, you are. Just as I am yours and always will be”

“My moon” Minho tested, his voice a little less shaken. His hand coming to cup at your cheek.

“Your moon” You confirmed, tilting your head into his hand. The next few minutes flew by in seconds. One minute you could feel Minho's lips on your own and then the next they were gone.

Minho could only stare into the empty space in front of him, hands grasping to a form that was no longer there.

[ayusaurus]

I know I haven’t been ACTIVE on here in a while, but I definitely could use some help if anyone is able to share this around <3

I'm currently working as a small Part time artist and DoorDash driver to make monthly ends meet. However, I've been struggling to also pay back both my roommate and my parents who have helped me tremendously during the last few months. After a couple of months of trying to do this on my own, I am seeking help through Gofundme.

https://gofund.me/e736a964

Long story short, a little over 3 months ago, I had to stop working at my waitressing job due to some compounding stress that manifested into some mental health issues. I had insomnia which made it hard to fall asleep, if at all, and underlying issues which made it hard for me to hear my alarms in the morning. Due to that, I had to step away or risk being fired from my job for missing work. I'm still struggling with insomnia and the ability to hear my alarm in the morning which makes it hard for the time being to be able to search for more steady Full Time work. The financial stress has contributed to this as well.

Recently I've been able to start taking on art commissions, along with doing Door Dash part time, which has helped me to sustain my current monthly expenses. However, there are a few bills that have come through that, while my roommate and parents have helped me with, in the form of 2 loans, have now added to my monthly expenses. My father recently on 5/27/23 also suffered a mini stroke, and was found to have a hole in his heart which he will be having a procedure done sometime this month or next to help fix. That is another reason why I'd like to be able to pay them back sooner as I know the money they loaned to me will be beneficial in helping to cover for that procedure when he has it.

Overall I'm looking to collect $4500 to help with the costs of my loan payback. All money will go towards that, along with renewing my passport, monthly expenses for groceries and fees.

The breakdown of the gofundme is: Medical debt repayment by roommate - $2250 A Loan from my parents - a trip to visit my elderly grandmother in Japan who we aren't sure if it will be the last time we see her - $1600 Gofundme fees, passport renewal, and grocery help - $650

Since I am an artist I am going to be offering some incentives for anyone who is able to donate $100 or more towards this campaign as a way to say thank you for the help. More details will be provided through my twitter @ayumi_chan46 in the next 2 weeks in regards to the incentives.

I genuinely appreciate your help and generosity during this time, it absolutely means more than I have words for 

[gunsatthaphan]

~ Monthly BL Breakdown: January 2024 ~ 

✨ Happy February!!! 🎭

Disclaimer: ALL shows can be streamed here or here, as well as on Youtube and other platforms. For more info on where to watch what, check out this post! 

New breakdowns are coming at the end of every month - feel free to add stuff! -> previous breakdowns

What came out this month? (green = seen/currently watching)

🌟 BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank In Hen - January 2nd (Japan) 

🌟 Ossan's Love Returns - January 5th (Japan) 

🌟 Refund Love - January 7th (Thailand) 

🌟 Time The Series - January 9th (Thailand) 

🌟 Intern in My Heart (BL side couple) - January 10th (Thailand) 

🌟 Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Although I Love You, and You) - January 11th (Japan) 

🌟 Beside You (mini series) - January 11th (Thailand) 

🌟 I Wish You Love - January 21st (Thailand) 

🌟 Happy Ending - January 23rd (South Korea)

🌟 Love for Love's Sake - January 24th (South Korea)

Monthly likes/dislikes

👎🏻 I've been catching up on some KBLs from last year this month and sadly most of them were very disappointing. I put a few on my watchlist that generally had good reviews but yeah let's just say I'm glad I didn't miss anything in the last 2 years lol. The only one I liked was Love Mate, the rest was pretty much pointless. Hopefully the upcoming ones will be better 🤞🏻

New series & movie announcements

🎥 Beating Again (dance-themed, starring Kaownah K., Earth K. and others) - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Unknown - Date TBA (Taiwan)

🎥 The Book Store - Date TBA (South Korea)

🎥 Term Begins - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Mafia Prince and the Bookworm - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Black Forest - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Go Alone With Me - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Can I Love You? - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 The Shining Star - Date TBA (Vietnam)

🎥 At My Fingertips (Unintentional Love Story spinoff) - Coming May 2024 (South Korea)

🎥 Connecting To You - Date TBA (Taiwan)

🎥 The Star (movie) - Coming March 2024 (Thailand)

🎥 What's the Nong? - Date TBA (Thailand)

Other news from the BL world

❗️ Actors Mike Chinnarat, Fluke Pusit, White Nawat, Pluem Purim and Lee Thanat have left GMMTV.

❗️ After Korean actor Choo Youngwoo won an award for "Best Rookie Actor" at the recent KBS Drama Awards, he came under fire for not mentioning his participation in the BL You Make Me Dance which launched his career and earned him the award.

❗️ Actors Jin Hoeun (All Of Us are Dead), Kwon Hyuk (The New Employee), Byun Junseo (Perfect Marriage Revenge) and Nam Yoonsu (Extracurricular) have been confirmed to star in the upcoming BL Love In The Big City, which portrays the life and love of an HIV-positive gay writer.

❗️ ZeeNunew and GeminiFourth won an award respectively for "Best Thai Artists" at this year's Seoul Music Awards.

❗️ The Chinese BL Stay with Me is getting an audiobook. The series furthermore recently confirmed its second season, further details are unknown.

❗️ Over a year after its initial premiere, the Thai BL To Sir, With Love won "Popular Foreign Drama” at this years's Vietnam Face Of The Year Awards.

❗️ The Thai BL Playboyy will no longer air on youtube after the suspension of the channel due to explicit sexual content. The show will continue to exclusively air on Gagaoolala, as well as RakutenTV.

❗️ Actors EarthMix had a cameo appearance in Ossan's Love Returns; they will star in the Thai adaption of the same name later this year. Details about the production are still unknown.

❗️ MileApo (KinnPorsche) were announced to star in the upcoming series Shine. The show is an extension/spinoff of Man Suang and focuses on Khem and Chatra's story in more detail.

Upcoming series & movies for February

👉🏻 Anti Reset - February 2nd (Taiwan)

👉🏻 Perfect Proposal - February 2nd (Japan)

👉🏻 City of Stars - February 2nd (Thailand)

👉🏻 Love Syndrome: The Beginning - February 8th (Thailand)

👉🏻 Baka Pwede pa? - February 9th (Philippines)

👉🏻 1000 Years Old - February 14th (Thailand)

👉🏻 My Strawberry Film - February 16th (Japan)

👉🏻 A Secret Love - February 17th (Thailand)

👉🏻 Unknown - February 24th (Taiwan)

👉🏻 Wedding Impossible - February 26th (South Korea)

👉🏻 Kiseki Chapter 1 & Chapter 2 - February TBA (Thailand)

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

My memory is terrible so I wanted to do a breakdown of my stuff every once in a while. Might be monthly, might be whenever I feel like it.

BL - Currently Watching

7 Days Before Valentine [11/12] - Unlike some other shows, this one is actually getting better towards the end. I appreciate that Sunshine did some self reflection and became a better human being and I really enjoy the visuals here. Also, 7 days before valentine we will watch the finale, so that's neat.

Cherry Magic Th [7/12]– I like what the thai version is doing with the source material, I think they are being really smart and I'm so happy I got to watch the shopping date and the helicopter ride that were missing from the japanese live action.

Cherry Magic Anime [4/12]– I'm enjoying all the parallels way too much. Part of me wishes that it had stayed closer to the manga but since I get that also from Thailand, I can't complain.

Cooking Crush [9/12]– My expectations weren’t as low as maybe other people because I'm a OffGun fan but I am enjoying this show way more than I thought. It’s so refreshing to see good communication and well rounded characters that are given the space to work stuff out and be honest with each other. I feel for Samsee, cause, been there.

Dead Friend Forever [6/12]– this show continues to surprise me every week. I’m a big horror and slasher fan so for the premise alone I was gonna watch it. But I’m liking the way they chose to structure this story, moving from the slasher bit to the past at that moment was really smart. The visuals are so strong in this and I’m enjoying the communal murdering impulses towards the original friend group.

Ossan's Love Returns [3/12] - It’s chaos but the kind that only Japan can get away with for me. That season opener alone would’ve made me stop watching if it wasn’t for that. But the thing about these characters for me is that they get to be this ridiculous because it’s all grounded in such heart and kindness towards each other. It's a balancing act that only Japan can deliver at this level.

Playboyy [10/14] – I applaud the effort to make something new and out of the bl box, I think the show is trying to talk about interesting things and there are moments where the visuals are very strong. However, the acting is the weakest part of the whole thing and so I cannot connect to the characters, which leaves the whole experience kinda empty for me.

Although I Love You, and You? [3/10]- Japan my beloved. What’s there to say? Sakae is my new favourite boy and I’m really enjoying these two bridging the gap in their personalities.

The Sign [10/12]– Phaya and Tharn are delightful. Yai is the bestest boy ever. But there’s too many loose threads considering we only have 2 episodes left. There’s still to much going on and the investigation part of it just seems too disconnected for me to care. I really hope they're not counting on a special or a second season to wrap this up.

BL - Finished

Last Twilight – No need to repeat myself. here and here

Love for Love's Sake - What a wonderful surprise this was. Yeo Woon is one of the most adorable characters of all time and I seriously cannot handle it. From the beginning there was always a cloud over the whole story and I think in the end it all came together really well, to give us a happy ending that feels earned. Also really appreciated the way the story dealt with the triangle. Most of the time I hate them with a passion so I was really happy that Sang Won didn't just disappear and stayed in the group and kept teasing Yeo Woon. And now I'm just suppose to move on?

Night Dream – I liked the beginning a lot, but, as it’s becoming increasingly frequent, it dipped as it approached the end and although I liked how it finished I wasn’t a fan of the path to get there. Time skip once again not used well.

Sahara Sensei to Toki-kun - I have not seen the finale yet but I didn't want to wait so I might update this post when I watch it. However, Toki is my favourite boy, and I just want him to be happy.

VIP Only – Cute but ultimately forgettable.

Rose Watches OJBL

So this month I started my journey into older jbl stuff in order to have a bigger understanding of the landscape and what came before. With the help of the amazing @twig-tea I've started this journey with 2 films: Ai no Kotodama (2008) - Such a wonderful way to start this adventure. Really enjoyed this film. Without spoiling it, I understand that the beginning of the film might turn some people off of it but I think it's actually really smart and purposeful. I would definitely recommend it.

No Touching At All (2014) - Also really enjoyed this one. The direction is really interesting I thought. I feel it's all very intentional and it reflects very well the characters state of mind.

And because Cherry Magic opened the anime gates I also watched:

Given (2019) - This is SO GOOD. This show rewired my brain. Just now I was listening to THE SONG and I got emotional again. Every once in a while I enter this mindset where I feel like nothing that I watch can surprise me anymore. Then I watched this show. My thoughts after watching can be found here.

Not BL - Watched this month

The Killing Vote Taxi Driver 2 Vigilante Fermat no Ryori

Well, that's it I guess. Now I have to go and make some Love for Love's Sake gifs because I just can't move on and need to live there a little longer. Speaking of gifs, I'm always happy to take gif requests so let me know.

💜💜💜