#HA . fun anyway im in fucking hell .
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ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A KNIGHT...
the visual inspiration for this was a combination of Frederic William Burton's Meeting on the Turret Stairs and also Bernardo Cavallino's The vision of St. Dominic receiving the Rosary from the Virgin
this was supposed to be just a one off illustration to get the thoughts out of my system, but then I started thinking about medieval politics and warfare and plagues and a castle and home as both a place of refuge, a prison, and a tomb, so perhaps they will end up as ex voto characters as well.
you may say, hey! that rosary looks like it has too many beads! it's a fifteen decade rosary, probably. dominicans are really into marian devotions. it works out.
also. spiral style stair cases. oh boy. it was that unexpectedly more difficult than I originally thought it would be to draw. the more I think about it, the less I understand them, even though I had a million photos of the stairs in front of me while I was drawing it.
⭐ I have a tip jar (ko-fi)!
⭐ and other places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app
#the economy and my bank account are in shambles and i ended up stress drawing this whole thing in one go#its so many lines. the next time i draw this. because i will be revisiting this composition. i want to use a different inking brush#i think. but the next time i draw this it will be with solid blacks on the stair case steps i think#hey here's a fun fact for those of you who aren't catholic. did you know that kissing the ring of the pope/a cardinal/etc#grants you an indulgence. cardinals also used to kiss the pope on the mouth. also foot and hand iirc. anyway#there are no cardinals in this drawing but im saying if you write medieval/renaissance smut about men of the cloth#you can really amp up the friction between holy and seductive with a lot of the (gestures vaguely) that.#actually another fun fact about cardinals. their fun sun hat (it's called a galero) has some fucking weird as hell fever dream (literally)#origin lore. so if seductive isn't your thing. the horror of a thing that you wear is also extremely fun#esp when you get into medieval gender performances of clothes and how they define a person etc#generic medieval tag#original tag
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They’re disgustingly codependant, theyre travelers, theyre investigators, they’re playing footsie at 50,000 feet.
Also a full mockup of the arm because im proud of it
#tloz#princess zelda#link#botw#totk#breath of the wild#zelink#tears of the kingdom#art#my art#redesign#loz redesigns round 2#listen theyre my favorite#but yes my thought is after recalling zelda links arm began to fade away#giving him pretty much just enough time to save zelda and get her out of the water before disappearing#so new one is a mix of sheikah and zonai tech#ultrahand and fuse are seemingly easily used by constructs#and purah being able to recreate stasis and creating connect while making the arm#im assuming mineru left some fun ideas about mixing sheikah and zonai tech during her time in the purah pad#anyways#zelda has a scar from the sword#10k+ years of divine blade in your forehead will do that#also because it looks vaguely like the third eye without fully going for it#her eyes are also still a little light dragony#anyways the fact we can make noble pursuits now is funny as hell#theyre 125 theyre allowed to have drunken partially nude adventures#their jewelry is indeed made from light dragon bits#i think its metal as hell#also will fully admit to tracing the glider fuck freehanding that
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Holy fuck, man. What a trip Fearne has been on, huh?
You tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life, you flatter her, you tell her you need her, that you have to do this together. You have her make a promise that has this woman, born of chaos and fey, agreeing through shaking hands and a trembling voice.
You make her deceive your friends; you make her follow where they cannot know; you make her help you into this contraption; you make her feed this thing into you despite the fact that you both have been warned extensively of the risks. You make her watch you crumble and splinter and shatter and fracture and burst and implode. You make her watch you die, over and over and over and over, for a minute in agonizing bullet time.
You make her do all these things, because when she tries to back out, when she tries to not be the one who let you do this—how could you do this—
you tell her, "YOU PROMISED."
Because if there's one thing you know, it's that the fey do not break a promise.
#cant wait for her to fucking pissed for a very long time. shes really packing the entire human experience in a very short period of time.#critical role#cr spoilers#c3e77#fearne calloway#ashton greymoore#bells hells#just gonna get ahead of the um actually mfs and state that i am aware that its not confirmed that thats why ash brought up the promise#but boy howdy would it make for some great drama down the line huh?#edit: apparently i did not get ahead enough cuz ive had to turn off replies#since ppl were somehow interpreting this mini introspection piece as me infantilizing fearne??#anyway the first line is now changed to something a bit more neutral. after sleeping on it i do see how it was a bit aggressive at the top#other than that im not sure how else to reword without completely disregarding the core of the post#i might make more posts addressing this but im not sure yet. i wanna try to approach it in the best way possible.#but if it helps any the point of the post was not to say fearne had no agency. she had plenty of moments where she tilted one way or the#other. the POINT was to just shine some light on the emotional pressure she had been put under.#hasnt your friend ever asked you to keep a secret or promise that felt wrong or unsafe or made you anxious?#it has nothing to do with the amount of agency she had. ash wasnt holding a knife to her throat and forcing her to follow against her will#all i was trying to do was take this detail about his reminder of the promise that i thought was interesting and have some fun writing an#overview of the kinda stress she was under BEFORE theyd reached that scene. this entire ep was everyone discussing how grateful they were#for this family theyd made. and while im not saying ash was PURPOSELY emotionally manipulating fearne..#there is a level of unintentional manipulation when you pair the severity of his request with the convo theyd had 2 seconds prior#as well as the desperate need they all have to save each other NO MATTER WHAT.#ash was giving incredibly strong energy of a friend who peer pressures you into helping them do something that you know in your gut WILL#cause problems. hes a fucked up guy. theyre all fucked up guys. even if he didnt mean to “force” her into anything the pressure was THERE.#<- i feel like all of this overall gets my message across. i think maybe ill clean it up later into its own post.#im gonna try not to rush myself to get it done tho.#im under no obligation to explain myself. especially when ppl approach the misunderstanding by being rude af. but i do think it CAN#be clarified so id at least like to try to some degree
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been thinking about the liyue gang and how id draw their physical builds so here are some thoughts i had for xy cy and gm in particular
- xingqiu, unsurprisingly, would be quite lanky. i like to think he has broad-ish shoulders, like a thin athlete's build? hes a long boy to me haha, long face, neck, limbs, fingers etc, so naturally hes stands (comparatively) tall at 5'6" or 5'7"
i like to think hes most physically attractive one and has that handsome princely and boyish charm to him because it adds a lot to his fuckass duality LOL
- chongyun is a lot like xiao imo! short stature but with muscular arms. he seems nimble and flexible because of his normal attack animations (which bears a lot of similarities to xiao's actually! this + the fact that chongyun's normal attacks create gusts of wind further reinforces my hc that xiao trains him). sometimes i watch high energy choreography vids on youtube and some dancers look incredibly light on their feet, almost like their body is inherently bouncy? and i imagine chongyun to have that agility to him. chongyun has a delicate face and aura and i let that bleed into my hcs for his fighting style and physical capabilities hahaha. hes kind of like a cat who's deceptively strong. as for height.. just a few inches taller than xiao, so perceptibly short at 5'4"
- ga ming my new beloved. pretty much similar to chongyun but more muscular and stronger just because he wields his claymore with ease. theres a noticeable weight different between cy and his claymore the way he lugs it up after he swings (or even other claymore users like razor who, on his last hit, bounces from impact). meanwhile ga ming literally slams his to the ground LOL. i love his movements though hes very swift and expressive and radiant.. if cy has delicate movements then ga ming's is fierce and (charmingly!) assertive
ga ming is wonderfully charismatic though, i know hes not well known in liyue harbor yet, but he seems like the type to gain a reputation from his friendliness. how could no one adore him hahaha. 5'5" for height! just between xy and xq
#tangy talks genshin#chongyun gets analyzed most my bad#this was super fun though#while thoughtful ; genshin chara designs will always look distinctly gacha and flashy so a lot of the designs kinda blur together in my hea#this is why i really like looking into their animations particuarly their normal attacks#i think it conveys their personalities really well! it's always something to look forward to when new characters release#i gravitate towards swords polearms and claymores most though because i like the act of swinging and slashing hah. it also requires a lot o#body movement and reflects a lot of irl martial arts fencing and other combat techniques#sword users are always really fun to watch because theyre inherently graceful hahah. i will admit it gets kinda repetitive#i think my favorite NA animation has to be albedo's.. very simple clean and refined. he stands elegantly and puts his arm behind his back o#his 2nd attack which ive been transfixed by since be first came out in 2020 LOL. i love albebo#wow these tags are long as hell#but anyway i actually have more thoughts on xq's physical appearance but its just me rambling about how i think hes funny as fuck#im a proponent of dashingly pretty princely xingqiu not necessarily because i want to bestow upon him desirable traits#but because i think its funny knowing hes just a bit of a loser under all that#hes well known (mr worldwide one might say) and the heir to a prestigious guild and chivalrous talented and prolific#but he writes self insert novels hates carrots had bad handwriting sings really bad#hes just a teenage boy#as always i will 100% have more to say about chongyun but ill save that for another post#ga ming on the other hand.. i dont have anything substantial to say but hes super fun to think about#hes such a likable character#wow these tags are LONG as fuck ill stop now.
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ive been playing the sims with the isat cast. also have the wicked whims mod so theres freaky awesome gay sex happening like 40% of the time. these sims want to FUCKK
#venustxt#the dynamics that are happening are great honestly. im doing sloopis but loop has the jealous trait which means i cant make them poly#i have to turn off cheating-related-jealousy for it to work. which i did. after isafrin flirted in front of loop. so that was an awkward ni#ht. i canonized it as they had a conversation about it. after i was done being annoyed that the jealous trait works the way it does#also sloop AND isaloop fucked before isafrin. even tho isafrin were an official couple first.#AND loop got pregnant. and then immediately got an abortion and announced the pregnancy by basically saying guess what im NOT pregnant anym#re. which ended up making both them and siffrin depressed as hell for a couple days bc of Complex Feelings#im having fun#anyways im gonna try to get siffrin pregnant. might post images because i know that would be a hit with the folks here
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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BUH
#these are so old#I want to kill the old rick in the second one he’s the reason I never posted this but I wanted too for so long dumb mother fucker.#old rick is so hard he’s so hard to draw I wish I could do it I’d be so annoying and terrible if I could you don’t understand#but these aren’t really anything anyway. they are for fun but I refused to post them if they weren’t together#I need to be more active but I’m scared. I’m drunk right now though so it’s okay(for rn)#god these really are old though.#like almost two years ?#i’m not me right now so i’m just saying fuck it two tears in the bucket and posting it#the top one is more important#I genuinely only think about the same like seven lisa characters i’m so sorry#going on four years strong#‘new’ job sucking the life out of me#wah#lisa rpg#richard weeks#ricks character has done such irreparable damage to me#not in the fun way im in hell#he’s my betty boop#IM GOING to play sonic generations now goodbaba maybe sonic unleashed(wii) goodbye#I can’t draw I do this to keep my mind sedated sorry#maybe sonic maina#HAPPY 5AM!!!!!!!!!!#:)
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Hi hello I’m the one who sent that angsty Springtrap ask a while ago and I would like to know your favorite tropes because I may or may not have,,, made an ao3 acc.
MY favorite tropes??? 😳 honestly in regards 2 springtrap if hes in any amount of pain i enjoy it. a bit sadistic of me yes, but i hate him.
but on a more serious note, i enjoy most tropes when it comes ta him truly!! monster who only has a soft spot for the person of his affections? good. oooh the a fell first b fell harder trope is something i think would fit him too (where he falls harder). i dunno! theres a lot 2 think abt X3
uhhh i dont really think abt characters in tropes so im sorry if this wasnt helpful hgfhgfhgvkhkh
#spacie splains#springtrap but he purrs ouououuough#WEAK FOR THAT#WEAK AS HELL FOR THAT#SPRINGTRAP BUT HE HAS BUNNY MANNERISMS OH MY GOD IM WEAK FOR THAT#mechanical purring graaaa i think abt it too much#being pressed up against him as hes purring......im gonna fucking explode#THE SENSORY EXPERIENCE OF THAT WOULD GO CRAZY#oh my goddd#i need him s o bad#soft springtrap mischevious springtrap whoreish springtrap goofy springtrap i mean#the joys of his character are abundant#i want more fics that are just studying him in a jar#yk what i mean#also just wanna kiss him really bad but i mean thats beside the point#a fic where its just like. a snapshot of a day and its all just misery and pain#a fuzzy moment there when he thinks abt the people he lost and remembers them fondly....#anyways. i hope that whatever you write you have fun :3#i dunno if you remember but i genuinely cant think abt him in any sort of intimate way b/c#IT FLUSTERS ME WE HAD A WHOLE EVENT CENTERED AROUND THIS RSHRSXHTFDJHTDJKJYUG
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his body is no longer his own
#tears of the kingdom#legend of zelda#legend of zelda tears of the kingdom#link#link loz#loz#snag.art#i had a HELL time with his hand#im sure i missed or got some stuff wrong#but the idea has been floating around my head alot#i feel like link would despise the idea apart of him was changed without his knowledge or consent#his body and personhood have been utilized and changed by so many other people already#i couldnt imagine waking up to *your* arm missing#replaced with something else that sure. you control. you pilot#but.... but.#sorry i could write a fucking essay on link and the implications of his new prosthetis#anyways totk enjoyers have fun
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being obsessed w ur dnd character is so taxing. literally five people in the world know about her and only half of them care.
#im kidding i think my whole dnd party does care about valerine.#the dm threatened to Main Character-ize her like he did kayne last campaign (jokingly)#i will tell u about her. i am compelled to.#i have had the idea for a character who was raised as an oracle in a cult and escapes for years and i broke that concept out.#this campaign takes place like 200 years after an apocalypse. like basically nukes. some dwarvea fucked around & opened portals 2 the hell#*hells. and i was like. ohhhhhh u know what would be fun. if valerine was from BEFORE the apocalypse.#basically she foresaw the apocalypse happening and her dad freaked out and panicked and murdered her#and then coerced or convinced. she doesnt know. the rest of the cult built up around her into committing suicide.#and then her planetar mom who is fat and very powerful but was forced away from the material plane by the apocalypse#finally gets enough power 200 years later to resurrect her baby.#and valerine wakes up in what used to be the place she did her prophecying. it is now a crypt.#she wakes up and has to piece together what happened and why her mom brought her back.#and she was raised in! yknow! a cult! she has no way to make it on her own.#her cult is based in the worship of selune but. and this is corny. selunes symbol is like the eyes w the stars around it?#valerine's cult is just the stars. bc val is the 'eyes'. or whatever.#anyway this is fun because we have ANOTHER aasimar who worships selune in the party. i think theyre gonna have a fun time.#carly.txt
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okay but legitimately when and where the fuck did this new "The" AroAce flag come from, and more importantly why the FUCK is it orange and blue. like not even as a callback to a previous aro flag (bright orange/green one) because it's neither the correct orange and also the old one has no blue on it?????
I legitimately thought it was some sort of alternate Gay Masc flag the first three dozen times I saw it and I still can't actually believe this has become commonplace without me noticing until the past few weeks?
but seriously. the green and purple were RIGHT! THERE!
#like yeah it's generically pleasing as a gradient color palette ig?#but it has like. seemingly no association to the identities it's supposed to represent???#I'm not looking to start an argument I just am kinda flabbergasted bc it was like a switch flipped and suddenly#'excuse you THIS IS THE CORRECT OFFICIAL AROACE SYMBOL YOU HOMOPHOBIC BOOMER'#first of all im aroace and *I* certainly didn't vote for you#(I think I figured it out. I think it gives me vibes of the sunset flag and that's why I'm not jiving with it whatsoever)#anyway nonrebloggable and untagged because Hell The Fuck No I'm not doing that to myself lmao#y'all can have fun with whatever flag you fuck with but I'm just irritated about it for petty reasons
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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The fact that when you talk with Gortash he seems So Reasonable and Not At All the tyrant who puts people in collars and uses their loved ones as hostages just to run a factory...
#bg3 spoilers ////#anyway. i do enjoy him and I think Fe finds him fun. so shes gotta keep being reminded that this is a Ruse.#karlach and laezel at all times so that she feels pressured to not be terrible just for whimsy#tbh the most Interesting thing to me is standing him and Raphael next to each other. compare and contrast.#like.... gortash has soooo much in common in degrees that he must have learned a lot from it despite probably despising Raphael#its interesting to me that Raphael is using certain nobles for his plans... and Gortash kills them. the drama and similarities.#i do wish there was more on that#and the fact that hes so CHILL when he sees Karlach and like friendly and welcoming and it might even be kinda genuine like......#the hells fucked you up Gortash............. the devilry. im actually shocked that Karlach was that chill tbh#bg3 play notes
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still thinking about how one of my first yyh meta posts got reblogged onto an sjw cringe comp blog in the year of our woke 2022. truly tumblr dot com, the last bastion of progressivism, has fallen (<- sarcasm) and also i'm kinda baffled that they didn't choose like. me putting yusuke in a skirt or something
#the post was a joke about how sensui might've been lackluster/bad DID rep i liked that all 7 of them were on board with wiping out humanity#like a LOT of my yyh content would make really good fodder for this kind of blog and they went for THAT?? damn#i could probably run a better sjw fail blog than them. i won't bc i choose to spend my time on equally unproductive yet nicer things but#like. guys my he/him nb bi arospec yusuke content is RIGHT THERE. the trans hiei stuff. the kuwameshi rants GUYS IM PRACTICALLY#SPOONFEEDING YOU DELICIOUS NUTRITIOUS CONTENT AND YOU CONTINUE TO SHOVEL DIRT IN YOUR MOUTH INSTEAD#note: i don't think i've actually posted about yusuke being arospec but it might actually be my strongest hc about him#nb yusuke is mostly bc it makes me happy and a tiny bit bc of his approach to gender social norms and group divisions#i think he would think gender is stupid yknow? why the hell should he be a man just bc a bunch of ppl decided it for him?#i think it touches on his anti-authority + anti-chivalry thing well. he has a certain kind of openmindedness to him (emphasis on 'certain#kind' there) visible in his approach to fighters and demon-human relations#bi yusuke is bc he has some of the most 'yeah obv i'd fuck a dude guys are hot. this is an opinion everyone has' energy i've ever seen#but i think arospec yusuke touches on his arc (esp his relationship with keiko) much more prominently#anyway i think it only ended up on there bc someone rbed it talking about a limitation in my perspective (judging 90s rep by 2022 standards#and while i think the points raised were largely valid the guy who made them seems to have been in that kinda circle#also this post reminded me that i (probably?) haven't made a joke on here i've been making to myself for years so im gonna go post that now#anyway most of you weren't around for that so i thought this would be a fun bit of lore to share
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youtube
46 minute psychoanalytic russian interview with andrey? i’m so sat.
#its three years old which is a shame i feel like a lot has changed but its a good one#i think this is the same interviewer i saw in a video last week#.. unless there’s multiple female russian interviewers who andrey is constantly for lack of a better word rizzing up#i think its the same. well i love her anyways. shes so fun#anyways. yes andrey tell me about your slightly unhinged family dynamic. tell me about breaking your own wrist trying to close a door.#im so obsessed with his sister and mother. definitely more than he lets on about his mom tbh#but ‘we’re not trying to make her seem violent or anything’ and immediately cutting to her yelling at like 8 year old andrey#IM GONNA KILL YOU cracked me tf up#also his story about him and danya playing as 6 year olds oh my fucking god. they are exactly the same#‘ the match was so bad i started eating the clay i dont know how we didnt kill anyone’ sobs#‘the rallies were 10 minutes long and we were both crying and he was telling everyone to go to hell’ that may be 20 years ago#but literally nothing has changed. obsessed to say the least#i think there was something i had wanted to screenshot and post from this but idr. there were a lotta good parts !#video#i <3 native language interviews they are so much better than anything else#Youtube#tennis
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i’ve been stricken with so many problems.
#1) the fucking yearning. go away. i don’t need romantic love. it SUCKS and it’s BAD. disgusting.#2) a sudden repulsion for skirts???? WHAT THE HELL. I LOVE SKIRTS. BUT I CANT BRING MYSELF TO WEAR THEM RN. it’s so fucking weird.#3) i have to actually decide what to do with my life. like. big things. like getting a damn apartment.#4) the crippling fear of growing up has resurfaced. i just turned 20. i don’t want to do this shit anymore.#anyway i’m fine 👍#i suppose this is a vent post??? but in the tags.#haven’t vented on tumblr dot com in a hot hot hot minute#not since my irl friend started following me (hopefully they’re not reading this but if they are: hi)#ranting in the tags feels SO much safer. like. no one’s coming in here#OH ANOTHER THING.#5) a fucking midterm is here and it takes EFFORT.#it’s whatever im just feeling feelings and that’s all right#at least i have a fun little thing to look forward to this weekend#im going to see a ballet !!!#but damn……::::that makes me think about how i’ll never actually do anything with my life.#like we can’t all be on the stage but hell#like??? the knowledge that it only gets worse from here???????????? what the actual hell#and sometimes i think about how i’ll always have to be in the closet.#which sometimes im completely fine with and other times it hurts me a lot#idk. IDK.#anyway. im 20 and i don’t know what im doing with my life and ive never had a lover and i don’t have many friends#and i don’t have any passions or dreams or goals and we’re all only here to one day die.#damn i guess this is why people journal#maybe i should pick up journaling#i think it’d help tbh#anyway im rlly truly actually done now#edit: I HAVE ANOTHER PROBLEM#6) MY PERIOD IS MAKING ME UPSET. everything hurts and im gonna be so nauseous and gross tomorrow help me. pain & agony#7) i cant fall asleep!!!!!!!!!!! but im so tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#8) im gonna have to sit thru a transphobic + misogynistic + toxic ass chapel teaching tomorrow.
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