#Guess she's CHEESED off.
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Gods above morgan, NO, perish the thought!
I am sure lady ithil's urine tastes FAR better than whatever this "moon water" stuff is.
and she isn't made of cheese, good heavens!
I seen a few stuff involving moon water. how do you get water from the moon? would it be cheese flavoured?...is moon water lady ithils pee or sweat? @moontouched-dragon-maid
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Doodles from the past couple days (mostly today)
Plus Dark Choco and baby Red Velvet. Technically part of a bigger project/redraw…. but I probably will not finish it for a long time so take it now
#I’m ill so I draw cookie run#alcohol cw#weed cw#sorry lmfao#cookie run#red velvet cookie#pure vanilla cookie#dark cacao cookie#golden cheese cookie#I guess she’s kinda cut off cause I didn’t like how I drew her face#black raisin cookie#dark choco cookie#guest appearance#🎨#🍪
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Libraries are just about the punkest places in existence and ppl wanna be transphobic in them? Not on my watch fuck you very much
#literally that bitch at the recption desk asking me for my document name#bitch you're obligated by law to respect my chosen name even if it isn't on my ID#you bet your ass I filed a complaint directly with the library administration the second i went through those doors#and you guess what else#that hag had the gall to ask me if I complained about her#“yes ma'am I did” is what i replied to her#A LIBRABRY SHOULD BE LITERALLY THE INCLUSIVE SAFE HAVEN FOR ALL PEOPLES AND THIS BITCH TRYING TO TREAT TRANS FOLKS LIKE THAT??#BITCH FUCK YOU#if you wanna be transphobic you're gonna need to find a new job bc a PUBLIC LIBRARY is not the place to play your stupid hurtfull games#and the way she insisted on checking my books just so she could ask me that when there were three other people available to check them is#just so grating on my cheese#if she were a decent ignorant person she wouldn't have asked to check my books and wouldn't care to interact with me any more than she abso#lutely had to#but nooo#she simply had to ask#that tells me she was just being a mean old bitch bc of pride and prejudice#and picking on me specifically#(book pun heheheh)#bc this was not the first time she did that#and if she acts a fool again#I'll record her and complain again#and I'll go to the fucking cops about it too#gosh I wish she would get fired#her career should be as an insufferable catholic school hall monitor of vice principal bc she's just a mean old hag w no joy in her life#nothing better to do than to pick on minorities and you just know she wouldn't be the actual principal bc ofc she wouldn't#anyway this bitch made my day worse but joke's on her coz I got myself a treat for doing the right thing#which was complaining#but i was seriously considering not going back to the library and omfg#she should really be fucking fired#can you imagine scaring someone off coming back to a PUBLIC FUCKING LIBRARY
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apparently bg3 specifically patched that you can't kill the spider matriarch by pushing them into the abyss, and all i can say to that is boooooo
#mse's playing baldur's gate 3#literally why is the underdark pit there right next to her if i'm not supposed to sneak behind her with my monk#and do my awesome kickboxing push attacks on them so they fall on a minotaur or something#i even got wyll over to do a few eldritch blasts on her for good measure but she just kept rematerializing#listen if balthazar's little skeleton minions can just shove me off the shadowfell in round 1#i should be allowed to do the same#also funnily enough the shove method does work for the smaller phase spiders who can also teleport there so........ i'm calling bullshit#that spider's legendary moveset definitely doesn't indicate 'can't be pushed into the big pit next to her' in its description#this is a game where people cheese fights by stacking boxes and barrels onto each other#why must we draw the line at the big scary mommy spider getting pushed down the big hole?#this is misogyny frankly#also fun fact: i did kill the mommy spider with fall damage anyway because turns out if you make her fall from the spider web#it forgets to teleport save for that type of fall i guess lol
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Song of the Day: May 29
“Evil Like Me” by Kristin Chenoweth & Dove Cameron for Disney's Descendants OS
#song of the day#time is fake! sometimes I'm awake and it's logical to assume that sometimes I'm asleep! and the days must pass but do I ever know?? nope#fuck I spent all day thinking today was the last day of the month and then it turns out it's not even Thursday#sang 'Evil Like Me' with Duncan at the dinner table while I ate the cabbage and I made this cabbage after the work not-a-bbq so#almost definitely that was today!#I fell asleep standing up in the shower again but the drain has been draining very slowly so when I woke up there was water above my ankles#if I flood our house with the water from my shower while I am actively standing in it and I don't notice because it's the only time I sleep#I'm going to shrink myself down and move in with the mice colonizing our neighbor's boat trailer#the mice will never know my shame. Duncan will put cheese sandwiches out in the alley for us and it will be more than I deserve#this is a really good song. very fun lyrical nonsense and also very fun musically to sing. love the idea of Kristin Chenoweth Maleficent#'I have tried my whole life long / to do the worst I can / clawed my way to victory / built my master plan#now the time has come my dear / for you to take your place / promise me you'll try to be / an absolute disgrace'#Nick really doesn't like this song for some unspecified reason--we've asked but he just gets kind of mad? like it should be obvious?#I think maybe he thinks they're making fun of people who sing about like. doing crimes? being bad???????????????#like honestly what could be more punk she's literally Maleficent but go off I guess#I dunno but if I were going to be mad about a Descendants song that I occasionally roam the house over-selling#it wouldn't be a Broadway-star-supported certified banger like 'Evil Like Me'#it'd be goofyass 'Rotten to the Core' where I'm playing four parts simultaneously and pitching my voice up and down like a rollercoaster#love that fucking song it's so dumb and it's so much fun and I get to stomp on the chorus bits
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i ate two hot dogs yesterday and i think that's why i'm dying rn. i love how everytime i spend a whole day with my cousins i'm either not eating while everyone else is, choking down something that tastes really weird to me bc of the parosmia, or straight up eating allergens.
#i get that my diet is weird now. trust me i know.#but ultimately. you can just give me a baked potato with cheese. you can give me a steamer bag of plain vegetables and a salt shaker.#plain rice! my kingdom for a bowl of plain rice!#i'm so sick of being excluded and when i sacrifice my comfort to not be the freak who's eating all the broccoli i paaay for itttt#i haven't been planning to but i'm simply not going to the holidays this year there is no fucking way#that sounds so miserable and it will be worse than i'm picturing i'm sure#like it's been well over a year now that i've been experiencing this and dealing with it and my cousin who's always pissing me off#STILL argues with me about my parosmia because she thinks i'm making it up#the other day i asked her to double bag her fast food before it spent time in a car with me bc it smelled#and she said well there's no onions in it#and i said well i guess it's the burger itself like who knows what kind of flavourings they put in it. could be onion powder.#and she said i guarantee you nobody's putting onion powder on these burgers they don't season them while they're cooking#and i said no like before. like when the burgers are being made into patties#and she said i guess 🙄#two hours later she was bumming a $20 off me#but that's another subject 😑#adam yaps
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#it’s my wedding anniversary today and I’m in a snit#not for the typical romcom reasons one might assume that a woman might be a snit about like#’he forgot our anniversary!’ or ‘he never brings me flowers!’ or ‘we’re not doing anything special because i didn’t plan it!’#i specifically planned nothing except for my regular routine because I don’t WANT to do anything special#it’s just Wednesday#and i know that to some folks that’s just a passive aggressive way of a woman communicating that she wants more out of an experience#but i seriously don’t. in fact I’m annoyed that he took the day off instead of just the afternoon like he said he was intending to do#THAT I was able to fit into my morning routine. i knew I’d still have coffee and reading and Spanish time to myself#then i realized he was all in my space making a ton of noise and i got a sinking feeling in my stomach and understood#that he took the whole damn day off#which is fine—he’s entitled to do that and I’m not going to argue with it#but where is the communication?#did he think that this is what count as ‘spontaneous’ and ‘romantic’? he doesn’t know the meaning of the words!#and I know this by now! 23 years of marriage is a long time to NOT know that and hope for more#i have made my peace with this arrangement. he works and i manage the house and work on myself during my copious alone time#so to have him in my space when i just want to read my stupid smutty book and learn reflexive verbs rankles me#i asked point blank why he was bothering to take the day off and he said ‘to spend time with me’#dude we spend time together all the time and most of that time you’re face down in a sudoku puzzle or coding#which is fine because you know have your hobbies I’m not stopping you#so unless you have a specific plan in mind that would justify trainwrecking the morning routine of an autistic woman#a woman who has accepted a plain and unadorned life without sex or romance#then take off the afternoon that you said you were going to take off and let that be it ok?#i don’t want flowers. i don’t want a card. i do want the fancy grilled cheese we talked about before i remembered it was our anniversary#tbh Wednesday is just gyros night and I suggested the gourmet grilled cheese place as a change of pace that’s all#i don’t even want to go to the art museum. I’d rather play video games tbh#agh Samantha who are you talking to? the faint outline of a man who chose someone else? yes i guess i am#sighing into the void#anyway. off to go learn how to properly use me te se nos etc. etc.
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I am really sore from work I wish riding five hours in the car didn't require having your feet on the ground
#ghostly posts#walked 10.6k steps which is by no means even close to my record or anything#but I got NO BREAKS ..... I ate my lunch in the car home after my shift. like#augh on my feet all the time hurts :/#got called in early at 6:30 ran around getting ready and packing for later so that by 8:30 I was ready for work#got to work and then just. I got one 10 minute pee break I guess. but that's all! run chicken.#8 piece dark was on sale HALF OFF so that's all ANYBODY ordered#and we'd take four customers to run out of fried chicken. make some more. make some more. we need baked chicken. and whole chickens.#more fried. wash ten more bowls please. we don't have any clean tongs#our fryers are busy with chicken so we're also out of potatoes and corn dogs and burritos. make more of those. keep track#oh we have three salads that aren't labeled today ! cool and the managers left without saying anything about that cool#now I just look like an idiot cause nobody told me we were putting out A SIXTH POTATO SALAD today.#and don't get me started on pre sliced meats and cheeses. man#anyway after work ate my lunch and dropped by home to change and get shopping list#shopped groceries and then came back and my roommates tire was flat#so I had to unload and greet our guests and then immediately drive my roommate to the tire store#and we picked up the fixed tire she needed#then I was like 'I really wanna help you put this tire on but I need to shower so bad'#and then I showered and my roommates parents visited while I did that#and then dinner was ready and I ate food but I portioned too much :/ and also I realized I wasn't even done packing! oh no! I leave in ten#minutes for the mountain! shit!#I got packed I had help and everyone was so niceys to me#but my back hurts and I am already soooo ready to be lying down!
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got to chapter 8 (which I believe is where things diverge)!! anyway popping the biggest bottles cause all my theories regarding haru and miyuki have been proven correct so far.
#also!! miyuki!! i love her. glad we saved her.#that said very confused cause like… it seems?? we’re in the human world now???#they really went ‘home away from home’ is one of the most iconic digimon episodes we should include that (joke)#that said uh. does the time between digital world and human world work the same as adventure in this. cause if so.#YIKES MIYUKI…. like she was stuck in the digital world for like. what? about 60 human years (based off how old the professor is).#how many digital years is that?? man.#last but not least… I’m guessing based off what’s been shown so far that the big bad is apocalymon which. i guess is better than yggdrasil#which was my other guess. that said kinda wish it was something new. but also I get it. apocalymon makes sense as a villain. plus digimon#survive is meant to kinda be a more mature/dark take on the adventure premise so. i get it.#i will say one of my other guesses based on the mural was huanlongmon and like. against all odds I am still hoping that might be right. that#said that is probably just coping lol.#i mean come on… ruin mode is right there… please…#dramon thoughts#roseate plays survive#digimon survive spoilers#OH ALSO. i am doing harmony route btw.#i admittedly. am not looking forward to having to go through chapters 1-7 again for moral and wrathful. like they’re good but. this game is#very long.#probably gonna cheese it and just alternate between wrath and moral for every choice next run and then make a save at the start of 7 and#just choose all wrath or all moral to get each route from there#just so I don’t have to do those chapters. two more times.
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Ranking the Veilguard companions Hookup Potential based on the kind of bed situation they have going on in the Lighthouse
(im in early act 2 so have no idea what further romance scenes are actually like, this is just jokin time without any romance spoilers. just pics of how their respective rooms in the lighthouse look and some basic characterization we know about them)
Taash: 8/10
In another game or the real world I would only rate this a 5 because they have no pillows or addition blankets. however they do have a real bedframe AND it's big enough for 2 which means the they are doing better than 90% of the rest of the Veilguard so this score gets boosted. And while there's not many blankets, there are plenty of braziers around the room to keep you warm, and Taash is probably their own miniature furnace to cuddle up to. Crucially, they also have a whole wheel of cheese next to the bed, which means you don't even have to leave the covers to get a snack after.
Lucanis: 1/10
Oh no. I'm not even going to comment on the pantry angle because everyone else asks him about that to begin with, so this is just about the bed. Unfortunately the bed is a cot made of uneven wooden planks with some blankets on top of it, and is only wide enough for 1. This is because Lucanis hates sleeping and doesn't want to do it, so the less tempting his bed is, the better for him. Unfortunately this means sleepover potential is dreadful and you will have to find alternate solutions. He does at least have another blanket to go over him and one that's presumably being used as a pillow, so, he gets a 1 instead of a 0, but I am still planning on gifting him coupons for a back massage for Satinalia.
Bellara: 4/10
This setup is perfectly fine for sleeping. It's the lighthouse standard little bed couch thing, has a mattress/cushion, is elevated off the floor, has a pillow, and she's got her blankets folded below. Perfectly serviceable for getting a good night's rest which we know Bellara is not because she forgot to sleep again. However, it's very much a one person sized setup. You might be able to cuddle for a while but if one of you unconsciously tries to roll over you are going right to the floor. Ouch.
Lace Harding: 5/10
You might be wondring "why is sleeping on the floor rated higher than bellara's" and the answer is because this means you are not rolling off the bed onto the floor. it's not going to be comfy but we are not ranking comfort here we're ranking sleepover potential. Harding has managed to make this space look homey and the canopy gives the illusion of being in a tent or canopy bed to help with that illusion. There are rugs down on the floor plus the blankets and pillows--we know Harding is used to sleeping on the ground due to her career as a scout, and I'm sure she can scrounge up more blankets to make the cushioning big enough for the both of you. Your back WILL hurt in the morning but you'll get to have a fun night first.
Neve: 3/10
Girl I know you can do better than this. Which means you're not trying to on purpose, so, live your life I guess. I will say this cot IS bounds nicer than Lucanis's--you can see its a stretched canvas or hide on a frame rather than wooden planks, so it will have a little more give. However they are not THAT much comfier which I know having slept on this modern equivalent many times. Neve also apparently has 0 pillows or blankets so you're out of luck there, as well as the problem of it only being wide enough for 1 again. This woman has too many other things going on to think about romance so your Rook is going to be the one improvising on that matter I think.
Davrin: 10/10
Now here is a man who has his life together. Double or queen size mattress, rustic bed frame he probably lovingly carved and assembled himself by hand, and not only are there sheets AND blankets AND pillows, they are are full on matching set and this knight in shining armor dutifully makes the bed every morning. There's also enough pillows for two! While the remains of a giant corpse is hanging above you all night, the spacing of the ribs still gives you lots of room above to manouver, so just don't worry about that. As a bonus you'll probably even have a baby griffon come to cuddle in the night which is such a cute thought we're going to ignore how much worse getting stepped on by a griffon foot would be than even the biggest fattest housecat trying to stand on your stomach at 4:30am. My one criticism of the setup here is that due to the bed's positioning if the person on the inside needs to get up in the night they'll have to awkwardly crawl over the person on the outside, however everyone else's bed situation is so dismal I'm not even going to subtract a point for that. Great work Davrin.
Emmrich: ???/10
Where... does this man sleep. Peepaw I KNOW you can't be sitting in that armchair all night you need your beauty rest!!! There are 0 beds or cots or floor blankets in this man's room. HOW am I supposed to break his pelvis if he has nowhere for us to lie down??? We can't risk that old man's spine on the cobblestone.
Wait... unless. No, surly not. I mean--jk. Unless...? 😳😳😳
is daddy necromancer gonna fuck me on the sacrifice slab... 😳😳😳🥵🥵🥵
Bonus:
Solas 11/10
does not matter where he actually slept bc once my inquisitor Gets Him again they WILL be fucking on top of the piano in front of the mural in his Yearning Room
#i know rook has their own couch thing however this post was funnier without it. also they have 0 pillows/blankets so a 5/10 also.#ramblings#dragon age: veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard#dav shitposts#lucanis dellamorte#taash#lucanis#lace harding#harding#bellara#bellara lutare#neve#neve gallus#davrin#emmrich#emmrich volkarin#solas#solavellan#rook#full disclosure after i thought of this and took all these pics i Did get a cutscene where emmrich has a corpse on the table so. not a bed#but for a few days of running around i WAS like... i mean theres nowhere else... what if...#i still think itd be hot#jade plays dav#juniper aldwir#juniper rook#datv#veilguard#also plrease note i made this before i got taash’s Gender Quest… i edited the pronouns after#but the old reblogs that got popular still show ‘she’ sorry
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Girl help I’m going out to eat with my family tomorrow and the only good thing this restaurant serves is the carvery but you have to physically go up some stairs to get the carvery and then carry your very full plate back down the said stairs and I can’t do that because my knee injury is such that it does not allow me to climb stairs while carrying anything, especially a fairly heavy and big plate, and I don’t want to eat subpar food or fall down stairs in a public place
#i feel like i have a few options here#1) get the carvery anyway and go get it personally as myself and just risk the possibility of faceplanting directly into my turkey and mash#2) order the carvery but send my mum to collect it for me and hope that she for once respects my sensory issues#and doesn’t pile on the rock hard garden peas and mushy unseasoned carrots that i cannot eat because they make me feel sick#i’ll be like ‘can i please just have mash; a Lot of roasties; sweetcorn if they’ve got it and leeks’ and she’ll just be like ‘okay :)’#and bring back the carrot mash instead of mashed potatoes; like 2 roast potatoes and garden peas#and probably not enough gravy#3) just order something off the regular menu. but the thing about that is the pizza is Terrible. i mean genuinely it’s so bad#like i could buy an own brand chilled pizza from any supermarket and make it in my oven and it would be better#they also have burgers which are pretty good but they have such embarrassing names and i don’t want to order that#PLUS ya girl has a beef intolerance so i’d have to order a chicken burger and they put that plasticky american cheese#on the chicken burgers. WHY#i guess i could get the veggie burger but that’s going to be super hit and miss#i just don’t want to be sitting there watching my family eat the beautiful carvery#and i’m seething looking down at an unseasoned and unloved soy burger#i guess i could order like mac and cheese or scampi or gammon and egg or something but idk if they have those things available on sundays#i know they’ve got the carvery the pizzas and some of the burgers but i’m not sure about the rest#maybe i could just put my plate together and ask someone to carry it? i don’t know#i guess i’ll just show up tomorrow; see what they have & what i’m hungry for and then hope for the best#personal
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Let Me Be of Service
Pairing: Husband!Bucky x Pregnant!Wife!reader
Summary: With your growing belly, it gets a lot harder to take care of yourself. Luckily, your husband is always willing to lend a helping hand
Warnings: Fluff, a little smut, reader is heavily preggo, established relationship, Bucky is down bad, Bucky shaves his girl’s cooch and boot, crack fic, embarrassing stories about each other, implied smut at the end, banter, Bucky calls reader Petal and she calls him Duckie
Word Count: 2.7k
A/N: A little something something to hold you guys over while I’m working on part 2 of Change My Ways For You. Thank you to @buckys-wintersoldier for beta reading; however, any and all mistakes are mine and mine alone.
You hear the clashing of pans in the kitchen followed by your husband’s curse. It brings a smile to your lips, knowing that he is trying to make you breakfast in bed, even though he is probably the worst cook you have ever met. When you first started dating, he made the joke that he was the only person that could start a fire with water.
You didn’t believe him until he actually did start a fire while boiling water at his first and only attempt to make pasta for the two of you to eat. You still have no idea how he managed to do that, but ever since then it’s either you cook, he ‘helps’ you in the kitchen, which is you giving him the easiest thing to do and hope that he doesn’t blow you up, or you order out.
But ever since you got pregnant, doing everyday tasks has gotten harder. You get out of breath from just standing up. Don’t even start with trying to pick something up off the floor. If it hits the ground, it’s going to stay there until Bucky picks it up if you can’t grip it with your toes. Cooking has become a near impossible task for you. Who knew that carrying a super soldier baby would be so hard?
Your belly was larger than the average woman’s stomach for how far along you are. It wasn’t just that your belly was big though. It caused so much back pain that it was easier to just lay on your side all day, and your feet ached and pulsed from the shortest walk.
You felt like a bad wife, not able to help take care of the house, or yourself for that matter. But Bucky was a saint, he doted on you every second of the day. He took his leave of absence as soon as you started grunting while moving around. Bucky loved every minute of it though, albeit he hated seeing you in pain, but every change to your body was incredible to him. He was obsessed with how round you were, how full your breasts are, and the cute little pout that is always on your lips.
So you appreciated Bucky for trying to make you something to eat; although you knew it was going to be disgusting, possibly inedible, you would take it with a smile on your face because he tried and that was something you were grateful for.
You decided to get out of bed, not to take over making breakfast in the fear of burning down your house, of course not, but to watch your man in action. When you shifted, however, it became painfully obvious that you were overdue for a shave. The prickly hairs on your pussy were uncomfortable, making putting your legs together almost painful.
You have no idea when the last time you shaved was. All you knew was that it was when you could still see your feet, and that was a loooonnng time ago. Bucky didn’t seem to mind your body hair. He would still eat you out until you had to roll over from the weight of your belly making it hard to breathe. He never once complained about your public hair and you honestly forgot that you hadn’t shaved in so long, until this moment.
Throwing on Bucky’s henley, grateful that he was so fucking beefy so you could still fit into his shirt, although tight around the belly, and wobbled out to the kitchen. Bucky heard you, your feet heavy on the wood floors. “Petal, you’re going to love this! I made you grilled cheese and guess what?” He spins around, bright smile on his face, a grilled cheese plated in his hands.
“I have officially made something edible without us having to evacuate the house, AND it’s only slightly burnt.” The early morning sun casts a soft glow on his naked chest. He looked like a Greek god, corded muscles topped with a bit of softness, the result of your cooking and less time with the Avengers.
“Good job, Duckie. Good thing too because I’m starving. Bug isn’t going to stop kicking my bladder until she gets something to eat.” Crow’s feet bloom around Bucky’s eyes. He falls in love with you harder every day, seeing you carry his baby into the world, keeping her safe in your belly.
Bucky sets the singular grilled cheese at your spot on the table, pulling out the chair for you to sit, strong hands grabbing your waist, making sure you don’t strain yourself too hard. He spins around and gets you a cup of your favorite morning drink and places it in front of you, quickly sitting down opposite you, eagerly waiting for you to take a bite.
“Duckie, aren’t you going to have one, too?” His sweet Petal was too good to him.
“Well, Petal, only one turned out.” He gives you a sheepish smile and you can only giggle at him.
“Do you want half of mine then? I don’t mind sharing.” You were starving your ass off, but you wanted to reward Bucky with something for being so good to you.
He vehemently shakes his head. “Uh, uh, Petal, you and Bug need to eat. I can find something else. Now hurry up and tell me if I meet up to your standards.”
Before you take a bite you reach over the table to grab his right hand, running your fingers over the wedding band there. He couldn’t wear it on his left hand, but you wanted everyone to know that he was yours. “You always exceed my standards, Duck.”
Bucky blushes and gestures for you to have a taste. Your eyes widen as the cheesy snack hits your tongue. “Oh my god, this is actually good!” Bucky leans back in his chair and does a small victory dance, proud of himself for feeding his wife.
His celebration is cut short when he sees you shift in your seat, clearly uncomfortable. “Petal, what’s wrong? Is Bug kicking?” Bucky is by your side in seconds cupping your belly, only to find that Bug isn’t causing a raucous.
“It’s kind of embarrassing.” You look down, away from his prying eyes.
“We have been together for 8 years, Petal. I stood watch while you took a shit on the side of the highway, it can’t be that bad.”
You whip your head around. “Duckie! We don’t talk about that. I told you not to bring that up again. It was one time!” Bucky only laughs and turns his head away.
“Petal, we both know that it was twice and we had to stop by Mcdonalds so you could wash yourself after you wiped with poison ivy.” Bucky was barely containing his laughter, while you were dying of embarrassment. “You know, that was the moment I knew I was going to marry you?”
You scoffed. “When we were stuck on the highway while I popped a squat? That cannot be when you knew you were going to marry me. That is not what you said at the wedding.”
“Didn’t think that you would appreciate that story being told to all of our friends and family. But your secret is safe with me.”
“Since we are bringing up the past, remember the time you were training with Sam and he hit you in the balls and you pissed yourself. You called me to bring you a new pair of underwear and I made sure no one knew.” You turned your chin up.
“C’mon, Petal, it wasn’t even that much. It was just a dot. And it wasn’t my fault I had a full bladder. Don’t make me bring what happened the other week when you-”
You slapped your hand over his mouth, grabbing him by the back of his head and pulling him close to you. “Don’t. You. Dare. We never mention that again, we forget it ever happened, yeah?”
Bucky moans at your dominance, it never failed to get his cock hard. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop, but you have to tell me what’s got you wobbling in your seat. And I know it’s not because my cooking turned you on.”
You took a deep breath before looking into his eyes. “Promise you won’t laugh?”
“I can’t promise that, Petal, but I won’t judge you.” Of course, Bucky and you always laughed at each other. Never when it was something serious. But you were able to joke around when the other did something embarrassing, but he would never joke about it if you were uncomfortable.
“My pussy hurts.” You squint your eyes, the grumpiest look on your face, and cross your arms.
“Petal, that’s all you had to say. I’m an expert on taking care of my sweet girl. If I lick her bud would that make it better?” You feel your cunt pulse at his words, but the scratching is too annoying to let you get turned on.
“No, Duckie! I mean my fucking hair is too long and it’s poking me and it fucking hurts and I can’t reach to shave because of this huge belly, and it makes me feel like a sasquatch and I just want to feel pretty.” You almost burst into tears, not knowing that you had so many emotions bubbling under the surface, but then again you were pregnant and couldn’t control them.
“Oh, Petal, you are the most gorgeous woman on this planet, shaven or not. And you don’t need to worry about doing anything for yourself, you hear me? If you wanted me to, I would wipe your ass for you.” You sucked your teeth and slapped his chest.
“I’m being serious!”
“And so am I.”
Without another word, Bucky picks you up like you weigh nothing and heads to your bedroom and sets you down on the soft covers. “Duckie, what are you doing?” He still doesn’t say anything as he walks into the bathroom to get a towel and your conditioner and sets them on the bed. He leaves the room only to come back a minute later with a bowl of water and his razor. “You cannot be serious right now.”
“Oh, Petal, deathly.” He flicks the towel out and lays it on the edge of the bed and sets you there, your feet planted on either side of you and you’re forced to lay back with your belly.
You don’t see what he is up to, but you feel his hot breath fan across your folds and he groans. “Petal, is this making you wet? Your husband between your legs about to service you?” He chuckles as the twitch of your clit. “Fuck, prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen. Makes my cock so fucking hard, could cum in my pants just from eating her.”
“Duckie, don’t lie. I know it doesn’t look pretty. Probably could fucking braid it.” You fight the urge to close your legs. You haven’t had sex in almost three weeks, mainly because your body is so exhausted all the time and you know you wouldn’t be able to enjoy it.
“Petal, when have I ever lied to you? You think I would lie straight to my pretty girl’s face? How could I lie right in front of Heaven?” He leans in closer and you hear the deep inhale he takes. “And about that braid comment, I learned how to braid hair in Wakanda so that isn’t a problem for me.”
He gets a giggle out of you. “I can’t fucking believe you. You’re such a dork.” Rather than hear his chuckle, you feel it, his mouth pressed against your cunt, lapping your juices. “Fuck, oh shit, don’t stop.”
“Mmh, so fucking good. Don’t even need to eat breakfast when I have this meal on a fucking platter.” He dives back in, arms wrapped around your thighs, keeping you in place. With his hands occupied with your thighs, you were able to grind against his mouth, urging him to focus on your clit. Bucky was in his own world, the hairs pressing against his face not deterring him in the slightest.
His groan is deep and sends shockwaves up your spine, unable to stop the jerk of your hips. All at once, Bucky lets go of your thighs and turns away to sneeze. With great difficulty, you sit up and stare at him, perplexed. “Duckie, you better not fucking tell me that my pubes make you sneeze or so help me.”
Bucky falls onto his back, clutching his stomach as his laughter rings out in the room. The obvious tent is his pants still there. “I’m sorry, Petal, just tickled my nose is all.” His entire face is red, each word coming out in a wheeze.
“Duckie, it’s not funny.” Even at your protests, you feel yourself unable to control your laughter.
“If it’s not funny, then why are you laughing, Petal?” Bucky is finally able to control himself enough to sit up and rest his head on your thigh.
“Because you were laughing. Don’t you dare try and eat me out right now.” You push his forehead away, much to his dismay. “Are you going to shave me or not?” Your pout has him pressing his lips together to stop the giggle from leaving his lips.
“Of course, my hedge.”
“DUCKIE!”
“I’m only joking.”
You lay back and prop your feet up again, jolting slightly as Bucky runs his hands, dipped in water, over your folds and mound. While slightly more prepared for the conditioner, it still feels foreign to have his hands touching you like this.
“Fuck, Petal, just one more taste.”
“Duckie.”
“Fine.”
He starts with your lips, using one hand to hold them tight, taking extra care not to knick your sensitive skin. “Hey, Duckie?” The only view you have is of the ceiling so you don’t see the absolute concentration on Bucky’s face, tongue poking out, and eyebrows furrowed.
“Yeah, Petal?”
“Do you think it’s normal that I’m getting turned on by this?” Bucky loved that you were comfortable enough in your relationship to casually talk about random things, knowing that he wouldn’t judge you for them, most of the time he was on the same page as you anyway.
“Probably not, but if it makes you feel any better, I’m solid as a rock right now.” You giggle at his casual tone, almost as if he was asking you how your day was. “Don’t move, I’m performing a delicate operation here.” It only makes you giggle more and Bucky has to pull away, leaning over to the side so you could see his face.
“Okay, I guess I’ll just lay here then.” It was Bucky’s turn to suck his teeth in but doesn’t say anything else.
“Hey, Duckie?” Bucky sighs and begrudgingly answers. “Is that my slick running down my ass or water? I need to know how embarrassed I should be.”
“I could give it a taste and answer you.”
“Ew, no. I probably have little bits of hair everywhere.”
With each stroke of the razor you feel yourself relax more and more. The constant presence of his hands soothing you. Bucky taps your leg to signal that you’re done and picks you up, bending you over the bed. “Duckie, we are not having sex right now.”
“Petal, you know that I am very thorough in everything that I do, and I still have your perfect ass to shave” You groan and bury your face into the covers.
“C’mon, Duck, this is worse than before. I feel so exposed.” Bucky rubs his hand down your spine, his other hand reaching under you to support your belly.
“Nothing I haven’t seen before, and I’m going to make my girl feel pretty.” He lands a light slap to your right asscheek and grinds his hips against your cunt once before pulling away.
He works just the same, using one hand to spread you open while carefully removing all your hair. When he’s done he pulls back, one hand cupping each cheek. You huff when he jiggles your ass to his heart’s content, letting him have his reward for taking care of you.
“Duckie! Did you just bite my fucking ass?”
“Couldn’t help it, Petal, so fucking sexy.”
You contemplate if you should kick him or kiss him. Your decision is cut short when he rolls you over again, now looking at your face. “Petal, we still have two legs to do and they both lead to my favorite petals.”
Fuck, you were in for it.
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x you#bucky x reader#bucky x female reader#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes smut#bucky x you#bucky imagine#bucky smut#sebastian stan x reader#husband!bucky
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ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Matchmaking Buns: Part Two
Part One
What the bunnies look like
The evening of the promised dinner comes faster than you’d anticipated. With every passing minute, you flit from one end of the house to the other, adjusting pillows, checking on the simmering dishes, and shooing your furry “helpers” out of the kitchen for what feels like the hundredth time even if they thump at you. Between binkying across the living room, flopping lazily on the rug right on your path, and trying to sneak nibbles of any available furniture, your bunnies are in top form, thriving in their role as resident chaos agents.
Finally, the doorbell rings. You wipe your palms on your jeans, take a deep breath, and open the door, immediately greeted by four towering figures who seem somehow even more imposing in their casual clothes. Johnny’s already grinning, Kyle’s soft smile is reassuring, Price has a hint of amusement in his eyes, and Simon—well, Simon is as inscrutable as ever, though his gaze lingers on you for just a beat longer than expected.
“Welcome! Come on in and, uh, make yourselves at home. You’ll be sharing the space with the true homeowners, of course,” you say, gesturing toward the four bundles of fluff darting around underfoot, raising their heads in curiosity. “Don’t worry, they’ll give up the prime seats… eventually.”
Price chuckles, stepping into the living room as your spotted holland lop scurries past his feet. “I was almost expecting to see little bunny-sized chairs around here, the way you talk about them.”
“Careful, you’ll give her ideas!” Johnny laughs, watching as your grey Flemish giant noses around his ankle, clearly demanding a greeting. He squats down to give her a gentle scratch behind the ears, and she leans into his hand with that smug satisfaction only a beloved pet can have.
You usher everyone toward the dining table, where a spread of your best dishes awaits. You won't lie; you are extremely proud of what you'd prepared: a platter of roasted herb-crusted lamb, tender and drizzled with honey-balsamic, sits as the centerpiece. Nearby, creamy wild mushroom risotto with parmesan shavings, its earthy aroma irresistible. A vibrant salad of mixed greens, heirloom tomatoes, and crumbled goat cheese (it was a nightmare making this one with the way your bunnies were almost ready to paw-fight you for the greens). There’s also warm, crusty bread with rosemary-infused butter, and a golden vegetable gratin with layers of zucchini, squash, and potato, bubbling with creamy gruyere.
The smell of the food finally entices your bunnies to settle by your feet, eyeing the proceedings with their usual mix of suspicion and entitlement. Simon, catching sight of your mini-lop sniffing determinedly toward a bowl of the salad, picks up the bowl and sets it just out of reach with a faint smile- he has taken off the mask, and you have to tell yourself not to stare too much at how pretty he is.
“Thanks for sparing me from his wrath,” you say, laughing, after clearing your throat. “He’s usually the one ringleading all their mischief.”
The meal kicks off in earnest, and you’re surprised by how quickly everyone relaxes, including you. Price sets a warm tone, regailing you with stories while Johnny occasionally jumps in, keeping everyone laughing and chuckling. Kyle is quieter but genuinely interested, asking about the bunnies, your garden, even your job. Every now and then, you catch him sneaking tiny bites to one of your rabbits, who’s stationed at his feet, looking particularly pleased with itself.
“Looks like they’ve already trained you all,” you joke, nudging Kyle’s elbow as he hands over a piece of carrot to your flemish giant. You've been keeping an eye on them, ensuring he doesn't give them too much.
He grins back, his eyes twinkling. “Guess it’s hard to resist them when they give you those eyes, yeah?”
You sigh, directing a mock glare at your rabbits, who blink innocently back. “Tell me about it. They know exactly what they’re doing.”
As the meal goes on, you feel a shift in the atmosphere- an easiness and familiarity you hadn’t expected to find so soon. Simon is quiet, but every so often, you catch his gaze resting on you, his expression thoughtful, almost… fond. You’re not entirely sure how to read it, but each time, you feel a flutter of warmth. Price seems equally at ease, laughing and sharing stories that, more than once, have you all leaning in closer. Even Johnny, whose teasing often has you blushing, seems oddly protective, always ready to interject if you look the slightest bit uncomfortable.
Finally, as the dishes are cleared and the bunnies settle into a post-feast nap near your feet, you sigh contentedly, leaning back with a soft smile. “Thank you guys again, seriously. That rescue was above and beyond. I owe you all big time.”
Simon, who’s been absently petting your mini-lop, looks up, his gaze steady but warm. “Just watch out for them next time, yeah? Or you’ll end up owing us another dinner.” There’s a subtle tease in his tone, a faint spark of humor that catches you off guard from a man like him.
You roll your eyes, laughing as you try to brush off the warm flutter in your chest. “I suppose that’s fair. But if you all had fun tonight, maybe we could make this a regular thing?” You don't know why you suggest it, but the second the words are out of your mouth you regret them. They won't accept, this was just a "thank you and sorry for the trouble" dinner and-
Johnny’s grin is immediate, stretching wide as he exchanges a glance with Price. “You dinnae have to ask us twice, lass,” he says, his accent rolling thick and smooth. There’s a softness in his expression, a warmth that makes your cheeks flush. He winks, and you catch yourself stifling a giggle, relief blooming in your chest and making it easier for you to breathe.
After dessert (and showing them all the spots, nooks, and crannies you've made for your bunnies), they prepare to leave. Johnny gives your Flemish giant one last scratch behind her ear, and she rolls her head down to give his palm sweet little licks. Kyle leans down to scoop up your mini-lop, placing him gently back near the others, his fingers brushing yours for a moment too long. “You’ve got a good thing here,” he murmurs, smiling as he watches your sleepy bunnies pile together. “It’s nice to see someone care so much.”
Flustered, you smile back, stammering a little. “Thanks… they’re, uh, a handful, but they’re my little family.”
Simon, who’s already by the door, pauses, his gaze on you softened by some unreadable emotion. “Just keep us in the loop if they escape again, yeah?”
Your heart skips at his tone, low and almost teasing. “I’ll make sure to notify the official rescue squad.” You raise an eyebrow at him, trying to hide your grin.
As they finally step out, John turns back to you. His eyes are crinkling at the corners, and he holds your hand up to kiss your knuckles. "Next time, we'll be the ones to take you out, luvie."
Not a request, but he is simply telling you. (Un)surprisingly it has you blushing and nodding.
You watch them head down the driveway then, and for a moment, you stand there, caught somewhere between disbelief and hope. There’s an undeniable warmth in your chest, a realization that maybe this isn’t just about the bunnies after all.
When you finally close the door and glance down, four sleepy bunny faces stare up at you, blinking in unison as if to say, “You’re welcome.” Shaking your head, you scoop up the nearest one, your toasty holland lop, kissing it on the top of its soft head.
“Thanks for the assist, you little terrors,” you whisper, grinning. “Now I have a dinner to look forward to. Perfect.”
#cod#cod x reader#cod x you#noona.posts#tf 141 x reader#tf 141#tf 141 x you#cod imagines#john price x reader#poly!141 x reader#poly 141#poly 141 x reader#ghost x reader#ghost x you#simon riley x you#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost riley x reader#soap x reader#soap x you#gaz x reader#gaz x you#johnny soap mctavish x reader#kyle gaz garrick x you#kyle gaz garrick x reader#johnny soap mactavish#cod imagine#noona.writes
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Year 2:
“Jay! What the Flip?” It’s the ass crack of dawn, and Theo is already trying his best SpongeBob impression.
“Whaaat?” I yelled back with a mouth full of pancakes.
“You put your dirty clothes on my bed again!” He squealed.
”Dude, you asked for it. What are you whining about?”
“Boys, What did I say about yelling in the morning?” She yelled.
“Yewn, bwintow!” I think Dad was telling us to break it off, but he’s too lost in the Cream Cheese Danish.
Can’t blame him. Delicious and high protein? There’s nothing better.
Theo rushed down with a constipated face.
“Ewww. They’re still wet to the touch. Wait. Is it dripping sweat?”
Okay. I overlooked the wet part, but he asked me to have it.
I’ve been cleaning out some gym clothes that don't fit anymore, and Theo wanted some. I’ve decided to fully commit on football and my stocky phase, so I gave that shirt one last try yesterday. It was definitely not made for a more rugged build person. As I walked around the house, I unknowingly soaked it. I used to be disgusted with sweating. I would shower and wash the clothes by hand after each morning run. Recently I’ve been sweating a lot easier, but Dad told me to look at the bright side of things, and I do see it. Usually I would only sweat when I get a real good workout. Since it's easier to sweat buckets, that means I’m getting lots of exercise.
That leads back to this. I don’t feel as compelled to wash them anymore. They’re the result of my hard work on the journey back to being shredded.
“No more pancakes in the morning for the month.” He said.
“What?…But…You can’t do that.”
His face tells me, “Yes, loser. I can.”
***
“What happened, dude? Your cat died?” Brad asked.
This is supposed to be an easy practice because it’s the last before the summer. I guess Coach woke up and chose violence.
I’ve been only doing a few yards of Quick Steps and Sumo squats. My lungs are now collapsing.
I’m only 230 pounds; there are players heavier than me doing better. I’m doing something wrong. It must be because I didn’t have protein pancakes for days.
“Dude, you there?” Brad asked.
Trying not to wheeze, I replied.
“Yeah, S’all good. I’m just hungry.”
It would be an understatement. When you’re used to protein goods pumping your belly full of energy every morning, what does five English muffins and some hash browns even do?”
“Hahaha, classic Jay. You’re the man.” Brad answers with a slap on my back.
“Gosh, you’re getting sweatier than Aiden.” He said in disbelief.
“Oh, by the way. Aiden’s going to Costco to buy a speaker for our dorm. You mind giving him a lift?” Brad asked.
“Bad timing man, my dad broke the old Toyota. It’s taking a long time to repair.”
“No problem. I’ll see you next semester then. Take care!” Brad waved as he sprinted out of the field.
***
I felt like I could eat a horse when the bus arrived. I passed through the usual stops, and finally.
The warm smell of chicken nuggets invites me.
I pull out my phone and check. Ten consecutive days. I can definitely redeem a free meal today.
“Welcome, what can I get you?” The cashier asked.
“Can I have the Double Western Deluxe Combo?” “ I have the loyalty discount.”
“Thank you, here’s your number.”
After what felt like forever, they finally called my number.
It’s a pretty big meal, but today’s situation calls for it.
I’ve been doing pretty well sticking to a fries-only diet when I’m here. With some occasional burgers and soda thrown in, I’ve accumulated a few thousand points to have meals like this once in a while. The only downside is the bus here takes way too long. I guess it’s better than the neighbours knowing I’m a regular customer.
As I finished the fries, I saw a guy wandering outside with my university’s gym bag.
Wait, is he from the team?
Wait, is that Aiden?
No. Shit, Is Aiden waving to me?
He’s probably waving to someone else.
Then the door’s jingle chimes.
“Yo, I didn’t expect to see you here!” Aiden said.
My alone time is ruined.
“Yeah man, me too. What brought you here?” I asked.
“Just bought the speaker and couldn’t find any restaurants here. I thought Costco had a food court.” He looked down at my plate.
“Whatchu havin’? Oh Damnnn, that’s a chunky burger!” He said in excitement.
“Haven’t had them in years, my mom hates that shit.”
I just wish to crawl into a hole at this point.
“Yeah, my mom hates them to-”
“I should have one too.” Aiden interrupted.
”What?”
Then he came back with a smaller combo with a box of salad.
“Oh man, I’ve been wanting to have a taste for so long,” Aiden said with glittering eyes.
He got a few bites of the burger and fries, then moved on to the salad.
“So what are you doing this summer?” I asked.
“Oh, not much. Probably hang out with the guys. My dad wants me to go to a training camp though. It’s not like I will play football after college anyway, so what’s the point?”
Then we talk about dorm drama and who the coach is going to recommend to the NFL scouts.
He is actually quite chill to talk to.
“You don’t like it?” I point down to his unfinished burger.
“No, it’s the best thing I’ve had in years. Definitely beating celery or carrots. I just have a diet going on, and I kinda impulse bought this.”
“I could finish it for you.” I offered.
“Really? Thank you so much dude!” He said.
“You’re actually pretty fun to hang out with. I always thought you had a stick up your ass.” He added unhelpfully.
By the time the last of his burger and fries disappeared in my stomach, I was ready to sleep it off when I got home.
My phone rang, waking me up from sleep. It’s 2 AM.
Probably Number Seven. He always calls at an odd hour.
I picked up the call.
“Duuuuuuude, I didn’t know you go to fast foods. I thought we don’t keep anything from each other.” Instead of number seven, Brad said.
“Jay, knock it off,” Theo grumbled on the other side of the room.
“Keep it down, Brad. What is it?”
I knew shit would get out of the bag sooner or later. At least I had two weeks of peace.
“Next time let me join too!” Brad said.
What the hell is up with these people?
“Fine, whatever. Let me go to sleep.”
“Thanks a lot, man. I’ve never had fast food before!”
I have the feeling that this is going to bite me in the ass later.
Brad is calling me. Again.
“Dude, what?” I asked calmly.
“Woah, no need to get so worked up.”
“I asked some of my mates, they all agreed to meet up at the mall’s parking lot,” Brad said.
What is going on? It’s only been five hours since he last called me.
“Don’t forget to bring your laptop and an empty stomach! It’s gonna be an epic summer.” Then he hung up on me.
I should be used to Brad’s bullshit by now. He’s been like this since high school.
The bus on the way there is as tedious as usual.
Why did he tell me to go with an empty stomach? Didn’t he know that I get really grumpy without any breakfast? It’s worse now without pancakes.
He looks at me eagerly, like a dog finding its treat.
“What is it, man?” I asked as he led me to the back of the restaurant.
Then, no Harry Potter bullshit, he opened the wall.
“What the hell? There was a room back here all this time?”
“Wait, Brad. You rented a party room?”
“It’s sick, right? I thought we could chill here for the summer, and go to the river nearby when we’re bored. Oh, I also brought the guys here. And a projector!”
“How did you afford this? I didn’t know you were rich.” I look at the big ass room with my friends in there already playing video games. Even Aiden the snitch is here.
“Oh, I have a pretty successful OnlyFans account. I thought I could spend it on you guys.”
“…”
“…”
“Good for you, man. Gotta hustle in this economy.”
He ordered a party combo with a bunch of salad. Then we started playing video games. It wasn’t until I was on a losing streak playing Yoshi on Mario Kart, I realized. They were staring at me expectantly.
“What?” I asked.
“So…Can you help us finish?” Aiden said.
Oh no. Not again. I turned to look at Brad.
He responded with a toothy grin.
“Please Jay, you have, like, the biggest appetite out of all of us. Look at all this free food going to waste. I bet you’re still hungry.”
“There are five of you,” I said.
“Marcus can help,” Brad added.
“Wait, me?” Marcus said.
He’s the team’s linebacker. The only guy bigger than me.
“Fine. At least it’s free.” I said reluctantly.
The fact that all of the juicy meat is screaming for my attention might be clouding my judgment.
We continued playing games, watched some movies while I munch
It was pretty fun. I got to talk to the people I wouldn’t usually talk to.
For example, I didn’t know Braxton played piano or Oscar was a hardcore Pokémon card collector.
The rest of the summer continued and the guys would meet up about three times a week.
I should’ve said no the second time Brad asked. But how can I let the food go to waste when the guys need me?
Marcus doesn’t come often because he’s occupied with his boyfriend. So the guys developed a way for me to eat all of their share. I would drink a dubious amount of water to expand my stomach in the morning, giving me more space.
It was incredibly stupid, but when the guys cheered me up while I devoured the last of the remains, I felt pretty proud of myself.
By the end of the summer, not wanting to waste the last of our freedom. Everyone has been scrambling for things to do.
That’s where Brad’s dad comes in. He organized a BBQ party by the beach and invited all the football Dads from high school who were still in their little group chat. Of course, we are invited too.
“Oh come on, Jay Jay. You have to go, or else I’m gonna be all alone.” Brad whined.
“No Brad. You’re gonna be with twenty people, you won’t be alone.” I replied.
“If you’re worried about not having any swim trunks that fit, you can borrow from my old man, or we could go shopping together.” Shit, he’s awfully insightful.
“Your dad is like, 500 pounds. I’m not that fat, dude.”
Then Theo asked me if he could join cause he had grown out of his swim shorts too. Whatever that means.
That’s how we ended up here with Brad showing me an ugly Hawaii print speedo with a blue Jay on it, and Theo laughing his ass off with him.
“No, I’m not going to wear that,” I said for the final time.
“You’re no fun, Jay,” Theo said.
“Right? This guy gets it.” Brad replied to him.
“So you’re the culprit who made Jay fat,” Brad asked.
”Dude, you don’t know the half of it. I basically sacrificed myself to advance his cooking career.” I added.
“I don’t know. I would think taking care of his laundry, dishes, and meals, just to have him burp in my face and snore at night makes up for it. If anything, I'm doing too much. I should stop doing the protein pancakes agai-“
”Theo! You’re literally the best chef in the world. I am honoured to be your Guinea pig for the rest of my life.” I said.
He smiled
Yes! Crises subverted.
“Hahahahaha you two are so strange.” Brad, who is still listening, said.
The possibility of protein pancakes being taken away from me sends shivers down my spine. I try to refocus on Brad’s shenanigans.
He came out of the fitting room with a professional swimming Jammer.
Why did he even take his shirt off? Goddamn washboard abs.
“Don’t you think it’s too extra for the beach barbecue?” I asked.
“I think it fits him nicely,” Theo said.
“Theo, you get me,” Brad said, then winked at him.
Is he trying to rizz my cousin?
“It’s my turn!” Theo said, grabbing a few trunks he chose.
Then he came out, without a shirt too, wearing a bright orange swim shorts.
“I see you’re putting my gym membership to good use.” Goddamn washboard abs, where did that even come from? Now that I think of it, he’s been fitting my old gym clothes better.
“You look awesome, Theo. The orange fits you nicely.” Brad said.
“I guess it’s my turn,” I said without enthusiasm.
After struggling to pull it up my ass. I walked out with the ugly print forest green trunk that’s wedged between my inner thighs; with a shirt on, thank you very much.
“Woah, look at those hefty thighs,” Brad said.
I’m out of options, and there’s no way I’m walking into another swimwear store again. So we made our way to the counter.
The day for the beach finally arrives, and I can already feel the swim trunks digging into my ass.
What’s more annoying is that Mom and Dad are now angry at me.
I would be angry at myself too.
Now I’m in a car with no AC, listening to how I should make better life choices.
“Jay, I didn’t think you would sneak off for fast food without telling us.” Mom said.
She caught the extra burgers I sneaked in to munch on at night this morning.
“Jacob, don’t you remember what I told you about garbage food?” Dad asked.
He said my full name. He never says my full name.
“If you want fried chicken you could ask mom to make it. You know it’s healthier at home.” Dad said.
“Am I not making enough, Jay?” Mom asked.
“I’m sorry Mom, I know I shouldn’t go,” I said.
“Don’t worry about it, honey. We can get through this together. If you want more fried food, Theo and I will make lots of it at home.”
“I got you, Jay,” Theo said, patting my shoulder.
We finally got to the beachside. After finding a shade to park our car, Dad struggled a bit to get out of the car. It seems like the old Toyota is seeing its last days. We might need to upgrade the car soon.
I know Dad is probably not mad at me, but his disappointment was worse.
Hopefully he can forgive me after getting some barbecue in his stomach.
We started setting up the chairs with Brad’s dad as more of my high school friends and their dads started coming in. I haven’t seen most of them since we graduated.
Dad went to greet them and it looked like he fit right in.
He was the Dad everyone’s dad was jealous of but couldn’t help to like him.
I was pretty shocked when I heard Dad wanted to come because he always declined their barbecue invites.
He was the fittest of the group, but it looks like he is one of the heavier guys here. Dad told me he’s almost 260 pounds now, so Theo and I will probably lose again this year.
I feel conflicted. I wanted to look like Dad before when he had chiselled abs, but I also want to look like him now when he has a much larger presence with the same amount of confidence. I can’t do either correctly.
“You daydreaming, bro?” Brad said.
“It’s nothing. Let’s get the boxes out,” I replied.
“Just so you know, you can tell me whatever you want, Alright?” He said.
“Thanks man, appreciate it.”
He’s too pure to know about my problem with how my abs or belly doesn’t look right.
We got the tablecloth pinned in place to withstand the wind, then set up some disposable tableware.
“Good job, son,” Dad said as he patted my back.
I smiled for the first time today.
Brad’s dad put us on watch duty for the grill while I fought not to drool on the food.
I’ll get my share. Old people first.
“Jacob? You’re all grown up! You’re a big boy now, almost as big as me. I bet you made your father proud.” Mr. Lancaster said.
“Mr. Lancaster, you’re here! I didn’t know you were coming.”
He used to take me to his house with Ms. Lancaster when my mom was busy, or when Dad was substituting for other teachers.
Avery and I used to-
Wait, Avery is here?
I looked around to scan everyone.
“Oh, my boy is having a problem with his car, so he is probably not coming.” Mr. Lancaster said.
“We have the same issue too; it’s been a mess. Say hello to Avery for me, eh?”
“Of course, good to see you, Jay.” He replied.
I sighed in relief. I don’t know what to say to Avery if he comes. I missed him, but I also ignored him a couple times when I spotted him at the fast food place.
We served for an hour and a half. I probably lost the 60weight pounds I’ve gained, and my stomach is definitely deflated now.
Note to self: If I ever need to lose weight again, just stare at tasty barbecues all day just to have none of it.
“Ahem. Woah cool! Look at that shiny thing over there. I’m going to go fetch it!” Brad said suddenly, then ran off.
“Wait, you still have your-“
He ditched me.
I tried to flip over both of our grills to no avail.
“You need help?”
“Ahhhhhh!”I yelped.
Ave laughs with his usual lopsided smile.
“I thought you were,” I said.
“Dead? No. I caught an Uber.” Avery said.
“Right. Long time no see.” I reached out my hand for a shake.
“Seriously, Jay? When did you start doing that shit?” Ave said.
Same old Avery then. I took my hand back and hid a grin.
He looked so different I didn’t know how to react. By the looks of it, he’s almost doubled my weight, maybe around 450s.
“Haven’t seen you in a while. You look good.” He said.
“You looked good too.” Now that I see him closely, it suits him, makes him look sturdy. His ass is hanging out in the back like a bra though.
“What were you up to this past year?” I asked.
“Well you know, I screwed up the football scholarship. But it’s the best thing that could’ve happened to me.” He said.
“I was pretty depressed for a bit, so I decided to go on one of the self-searching trips to some countries and states...”
Then he told me about the kind people and assholes he met on the way, as we finally sat down with our share of Barbecues.
Ave said that he got to eat food he never imagined existed, learn about cultures that changed his perspective on things.
He said he has never felt freer of any emotional constraints than he is now. I couldn't stop my smile from forming. I’m really happy for him.
He has always been harsh on himself. When school didn’t work, he dedicated his all to sports. On his way there, I felt like I lost a friend.
We talked for hours about the airplane seats being a bitch and how he’s sorry for whoever sat next to him, or about how I am addicted to fast foods and pancakes. He’s probably the only one I know that can relate.
I was lost in the conversation, with Brad interrupting occasionally with strange looks of wiggling eyebrows or smug smiles. I really don’t know what he’s on.
It’s when Dad is folding up the seats, and Brad’s dad cleans up the grill. Ave asked me.
“Wanna do this again sometime? My dad’s coffee shop has a new brownie coming up that he’s really proud of.”
Yes, of course. I wanna learn more about you and be friends again.
“Sorry, men. School is going to be busy. I also need to focus on football more this year, or I will get too fat to play.” I said.
“No problem Jay. You know I’ll always be there for you.” Avery said.
I tried to one arm hug him and he fully embraced me. His body is so warm and unbelievably soft.
For a moment, I wished I was proud like him. But I’m not free like him
Gathering supplies Dad brought, I walked back to the car, forgetting to ask for his number.
The school year started without much fanfare. But the feeling of estrangement grew.
Hanging out with the team was fun, but playing the game just doesn’t bring me the same amount of rush and anticipation anymore, instead, I look forward to the meal after the game that brings me the rush. It’s not like I was playing the game much anyway; I’m a glorified Waterboy now. My job is to refuel the Gatorade or water, then squirt it into the guys’ mouths. After that, I just need to hand them the towel and sit back to finish my hot dog.
I know the team appreciates me. I would keep doing it for them if not for Coach’s disappointing stares. He probably thought I would be a star player like Dad, but I ended up fatter than the linebacker. I would be disappointed too.
My decision was made following the buzzing call of our defeat.
Chapter 3 ->
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My take on stalker!Tim:
Robin!Jason gets distracted during a patrol and doesn’t meet up with Batman, who panics is mildly concerned. Jason doesn’t want to reveal the real reason he got distracted (could be something he was working on for Bruce or just him being a cute baby nerd) so he makes something up the spot. A kid! He saw a kid. It was definitely child shaped. And. Uh. Photography! That’s right, he saw a kid taking photos and made sure he got home safe.
Batman: Photography?
Robin!Jason: Yeah, uh, nighttime photography.
Batman: At midnight?
Robin: I mean, it’s not a school night.
Batman: What were they taking pictures of?
Robin, panicking and going to the first thing he can think of ch just so happens to be last Sunday when Dick called Bruce an emotionally repressed furry: Uh, wildlife?
Bruce is skeptical but honestly he’s seen weirder things even tonight so as long as the kid got home safe…
Jason proceeds to use this same excuse a few more times.
Batman: Don’t tell me, it was the kid again.
Robin!Jason: You just missed him.
Batman, who isn’t feeling strong parental feelings at all: Hrn.
Okay so then fast forward a few years. Jason is on his little murder training gap year and Tim has shown up to the manor trying to fix the disaster that is currently Bruce Batman Wayne. Dick, trying to bond with the kid now that it’s apparent he’s not going anywhere, asks what Tim’s interests are.
Tim: Well, I like photography, and…
Dick, putting two and two together and getting forty-seven: Ohmygosh you’re the kid.
Tim: The what now?
Dick: The kid with the wildlife photography.
Tim, thinking about that one competition he entered a year ago: Uh, I guess?
Dick thinks that’s how Tim figured out all their identities. He thinks he has it all figured out. He does not. Bruce now thinks he has it figured out too. He does not. Tim is unaware there was something to be figured out. Jason is off learning the finer points of poisoning or something idk.
So skip forward some more and Jason is back, minus some murder attempts or whatever because this is crack, and Dick is now trying to get his two brothers comfortable with each other. It is not working. Finally, Dick remembers they’ve definitely met before.
Dick: So, do you remember meeting Tim before?
Jason, whose memory resembles Swiss cheese but is fairly certain he never met Tim before now: Uh…
Dick: He’s the kid! The one with the wildlife photography!
Jason, suddenly remembering the excuse he used several times as Robin: The what now?
Tim, knowing full well that Jason was very dead at the time he submitted anything in a wildlife category: The what now?
Jason pulls Tim into a hall closet to interrogate him about this.
Tim: There’s like five rooms right here that no one has stepped in in a month. Why are we in a closet?
Jason: What, exactly, did Dick mean by you were the one with the wildlife photography, because I’m pretty sure that was just an excuse I made up but now I don’t know.
They figure it out. They also agree to just let that belief be. Jason doesn’t want to admit he made that all up. Tim doesn’t want to admit he thought Dick had gone to his art competition thing before they even officially met. Tim also doesn’t want to explain how he actually figured out their identities because this sounds way cooler. So they decide to just roll with it.
Damian shows up and tries to hunt down Tim’s early photos of Batman. Tim and Jason get really into making it look like he just keeps missing it. Barbara knew about all of this the entire time but no one asked her so she didn’t bother to fill them in.
Everyone else that joins the family after that point and hears the story of Jason and Tim supposedly meeting while Jason was Robin has the exact same response: “Oh, ‘cause Batman’s a furry. Right.”
#and that’s how jason and tim bonded through misunderstandings and calling batman a furry#something dick unknowingly started#bruce is so done#jason todd#bruce wayne#tim drake#dick grayson#batman#batfam#batkids#what do you mean dc doesn’t stand for disregard canon
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Dinner Time NatxFem!Y/n
18+ MINORS DNI
Warnings: Smut, marking, thigh slapping, spanking, punishment, light degrading, praise, oral sex (R receiving), fingering (R receiving), Mommy Natasha, Sub R, begging, I think that’s it but if you find anymore let me know!!
A/n- My first time writing in forever enjoy ❤️
Y/n’s POV
I move around the kitchen with grace as I add in the proper ingredients to make dinner for the night. I measure out the spices and add them to the bowl knowing the recipe by memory. Tonight I decided to make my homemade bacon mac’n’cheese knowing how much Yelena enjoys the dish. Natasha’s family is visiting for the week so I want to make sure they are as comfortable as possible during their stay. At the moment they are out exploring our city since it is the first time they have been here.
As I’m assembling the dish to put in the oven Natasha walks in with her headphones in her ears and her workout outfit hugging her body nicely. She opens the fridge to grab her water and when she turns around a smile immediately shows on her face. She comes over for a kiss but I stop her before she can reach me. I point over to the fridge door and she sees what I want her to do. It’s a common occurrence for her to leave the fridge open after getting distracted, she closes the fridge before coming back over and pecks me on my lips. “Hi baby, how was the gym?” I ask her with a smile. “What?” She asks rather loudly and I shake my head and pull out her headphones before asking again. “It was good but I missed you.”
She pulls me closer and kisses me again before putting her face in my neck. I gently scratch her head and she hums into my neck. “I missed you too love, after dinner I’m heading to the gym but after that we can watch some movies before bed okay?” She shakes her head and holds me tighter. “No you stay here with me!” I chuckle and shake my head back at her. “I’ll only be going to the gym and after that I’m all yours, but I do have to finish dinner.” I gently pull back from her hold and walk over to finish coating the top of the dish in cheese.
She follows me over and wraps her arms around me to hug me from behind. I don’t even need to see her to know she’s pouting. Once the oven goes off I place the food inside and set the timer to 45 minutes. As I’m cleaning up Natasha walks over to me with an idea. “How about you stay home from the gym, I will give you a workout.” She has this certain smirk that instantly tells me what type of workout she has in mind. “Nat, you know that your parents could be here at any point!” She shrugs and walks closer to me. “They can learn to knock.”
She wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me into her. She gently kisses my neck, I can feel the ability to think slowly leaving me as she moves her hands down to squeeze my ass. I gasp and try to focus on my thoughts. “Natty, I just put dinner in the oven.” She smirks against my neck and looks up at me. “Then I guess we better be quick.” She picks me up and places me on the table. “Nat I-“ She stops me with a kiss as she shakes her head. “That’s not my name now, is it love?” I quickly shake my head not wanting to misbehave but she gives me the look and I remember I need to use words. “No it isn’t mommy.” I stutter out as she starts leaving kisses up and down my neck once more.
She starts to suck on my neck leaving dark marks in her path. Even if we are able to finish in time her family will definitely be able to tell what we have been up to. She goes further and further up my neck and moves a hand over my clothed cunt and adds the tiniest bit of pressure. Not enough to please me but enough to make me more desperate. I start to buck my hips against her hand to try and get some sort of relief for my growing problem. She suddenly pulls back from me and looks at me with a disapproving look. “What do you think you’re doing?” I look down and stay silent, she lifts up my chin until I’m looking her in the eyes. I can feel the heat on my cheeks as she looks me up and down. “N-nothing.” All of the sudden I feel a light sting on my thigh. “Try again.” I feel myself getting more and more desperate for her touch, even just a kiss. “P-please mommy I need you please!” I beg her with a pout hoping that she’ll touch me.
“Poor baby so desperate for mommy that you can’t even answer a simple question.” I nod my head at her as I try to buck my hips into hers. I just need her to touch in some way, I want to feel her against me. “Patient baby I want to enjoy this, why don’t you take off those clothes of yours?” I nod and move to take off my shirt but she stops me. “Words pretty girl.” “Yes mommy.” She steps away, without removing her eyes from my body, to let me undress. I remove my shirt and bra and throw them to the floor and look up to see Natasha studying my chest that already adorns her marks from two days ago. I get down from the table to remove my shorts and my underwear. I feel her studying my body carefully, looking at every detail even though she’s seen it all before.
I climb back onto the table and sit with my legs closed in fear of getting the table messy. She walks up to me with the same smirk on her face and tilts her head when she sees my thighs clenching together. I shyly look down and slowly spread my legs for her to see. She closely examines me and smirks when she sees how wet I am. “Poor baby, is all this for me?” I nod quickly as I look her in the eye. “All for mommy.” She whispers a quick ‘good girl’ and she situates herself between my legs. “Tell me what you want love.” It wasn’t a request but a demand, I know well enough by now to tell her exactly what I want. But before I could say anything she slowly slides her fingers through my folds causing me to lose my train of thought. “Didn’t mommy just ask you a question?” I go to speak again but she decides to enter two of her fingers into me. I let out a moan as I grab her hand in shock. “Go on baby, use your words.”
She sets a steady rhythm with her fingers as I try to gather my words. “I-i want mommy to use her fingers.” I manage to stutter out. I can feel all my thoughts fading as my head is filled entirely with thoughts of my girlfriend and how good she can make me feel. “That’s my good girl.” The constant praise adds to the building pleasure. She moves her thumb to play with my clit as she quickens her pace bringing me closer and closer to the edge.
“Mommy I’m gonna cum!” She immediately stills her hand. “That’s not how you ask.” I whine at her and try bucking my hips to get her to keep going but she slaps my thigh. I let out a small moan but I keep trying to get any friction I can. She once more slaps my thigh. “One last chance.” She warns me but I am too focused on trying to reach my denied orgasm. She removes her fingers and stands up to pull out a chair. I straighten up and look at her in a dazed confusion. “M-mommy?” She sits on the chair and pats her lap. “Over my knee.” I know it isn’t a question so I unsteadily hop off the table and move closer to her. She helps me lay across her lap as she gently rubs my back.
“You know your safe word?” I nod my head. “It’s red.” She praises me yet again which causes me to smile. “Do you know why you are being punished?” I nod but she gives me a light tap on my thigh reminding me to use my words. “B-because I didn’t answer mommy.” She nods and lifts my hand to kiss the back of it. I always love how she reminds me of her love, even through punishment. “Good girl, now I want you to count each spank for me love.” Before I can even respond she releases a sharp smack onto my ass. “One.” She does another which I can tell will end up leaving a mark. “Two.” Each spank uses the same amount of strength. Mommy knows by now that I love having her handprint on my ass. At the tenth smack I accidentally let out a moan which causes Natasha to pause and smirk.
“Aww does my little slut enjoy having her ass spanked by mommy?” I get all shy again but am able to pull together an answer. “Y-yes mommy.” She rubs her hand over the stinging skin before giving it another spank which I count. “Good.” She continues with the last four before letting me up and kissing my lips. She pulls me down to straddle her lap. I gently tug on her shirt trying to pull it off of her body but she stops me. “Use your words.” I let out a whine and stick my face into her neck. “Poor baby so lost for words already and we are only just starting.” I whine again trying to dig myself further into her neck. “Please?” She rubs my bare back with a smile before she nods. I pull away from her and remove her shirt with a smile only for it to switch into a pout when I see she has a bra on. I remove that too and finally have access to her bare chest. I don’t waste any time and start kiss her chest, trying to leave as many marks in my path as possible.
She chuckles a little at how eager I am but it doesn’t stop me. She gently pulls me back from her chest and she puts me back onto the table. My pout doesn’t last long as I see her stripping out of her pants and underwear to reveal her naked body to me. Even after 3 years she amazes me with her beauty. She walks back over to me and slots herself between my thighs. “Mommy is very hungry baby, will you let me have a snack before dinner is done?” She has this voice that she uses whenever we are intimate that makes me melt every time. I eagerly nod my head at her, she wastes no time in lowering to her knees in front of me.
She wraps her arms around my thighs and slowly moves her tongue through my folds. It’s like she can’t get enough as she dives right into my dripping cunt. I moan and brace myself with my arms so that I don’t fall back on the table. Her tongue plunges into me as she eats me out like I’m the best meal she’s ever had. Which she does say constantly. She brings me closer and closer until she once again stops. I let out a whine and try to push her head back to where I need her most but she stands up. “You didn’t think I would let you cum that easy now did you?” I whine and try to move her hand but still she doesn't budge.”Please mommy please I need you!” I beg her to touch me.
She smirks at me and lets her hand drift down further and further until her fingers are circling my clit. I bite my lip to stop myself from making noise but she reaches up and pulls my lip from my teeth. “I want to hear you dear.” “Yes mommy.” This time I don’t even try to hold back my moans when she plunges two fingers inside of me. I look over to the timer and see that the dish only has 14 minutes left. I whine and put my face in the crook of her neck. She curls her fingers and hits my spot just right. I bite down on her neck in response and she smacks my thigh. She sets a slow steady rhythm for me and makes sure that it’s enough pleasure to satisfy me but not enough to get me to the edge. “Please mommy, I need more.” I move my hips to meet the thrusts of her hand but she stills my hips. “Is that a statement or a question love?”
“A-a question mommy.” She smirks at me and inserts a third finger. “Such a pretty pussy, and it’s all for mommy.” She looks down and admires the view of her fingers disappearing in and out of my cunt. She speeds up her fingers and moves her thumb over my clit. She keeps going, bringing me closer and closer. “Please mommy I’m gonna cum please don’t stop!” She raises her eyebrow at me which makes me stutter and fix my words. “Please mommy please can I cum, please please please!” I beg her over and over, a tear or two start to fall down my face in pleasure. “Cum for mommy baby.”
She adds a third finger as she moves her fingers into me as fast as she can. I let out a scream and cum all over her fingers. I collapse forward onto her, my breathe heavy as she helps me ride out my high. She keeps moving her fingers but I still her hand with mine and shake my head. “All done love?” I nod against her chest. She lets out a hum and wipes off her fingers with a towel before wrapping her arms around me. She holds me tight and I slowly calm down. “T-thank you mommy, felt so good.” She smiles and scratched my back gently. “Of course love! Though as much as I enjoy the cuddles my family will be home soon so we need to get you cleaned up. First though I need to get the food out of the oven.” I nod and hop down from the table and give her a kiss. She reassures me that we can have a bath tonight and extra cuddle which I am super excited for.
After cleaning myself up in the bathroom I put on some clean clothes and walk out to see Natasha dishing out food to her family. Melina is sitting next to Alexei and Yelena is at the end because she says ‘since she is the guest she should have the special seat’. That’s fine with me though because I get to sit next to Tasha which I love. “Hi baby!” I smile and walk over and give her a big hug. I give her a kiss before grabbing everyone's plates and then handing them out. We sit down with our plates and start a conversation. Eventually the conversation drifts and Alexei asks “What’s with those bruises on your neck?” My eyes widen, Natasha smirks while Melina sighs and Yelena drops her head onto the table in defeat.
“I um they-” I am interrupted by Yelena. “They are hickeys you dipshit!” Melina starts criticizing her for cursing at her father while Natasha starts laughing. “IS THIS WHAT YOU DO WHEN WE LEAVE EW!” Alexei sounds absolutely disgusted which causes me to blush and Natasha just laughs even harder. “Natasha, you need to stop corrupting the poor angel.” Melina states as a fact and now I’m the one laughing. “Yeah Natasha.” I agree with her and Natasha glares at me. God I love this family.
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