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satorusugurugurl · 7 months ago

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Hi, I saw your post about jjk characters with a reader who has ed but could you do something similar but with an ed type like "I don't deserve to eat" because honestly I'm closer to that than worrying about my appearance. Well, you know when you were brought up that food, especially sweets, was a reward, and when you did something wrong, you were forbidden to eat. I would be very grateful. Thank you in advance

I Don’t Deserve It

Summary: How will JJK men react to you not eating because of your past?

Characters: Gojo Satoru, Geto Suguru, Nanami Kento, AFAB!Reader

Word Count: 3,412

Warnings: E.D, childhood trauma, PTSD, self-loathing, language, fluff, the boys being sweet

A/N: Hi there, Nonnie. Thanks for the request! I did my best with this one. I hope you enjoy it! 💚💚💚

Gojo Satoru:

It was hot, too damn hot to be outside. You whined, shielding your eyes from the sun above, and you limped behind your students and boyfriend, Gojo Satoru. You had gotten yourself into a little bit of a pickle on your mission. You quickly took out the grade two curse you were sent to exorcise. You, however, fell down the flight of stairs in the old Hospital and needed to call them for assistance.

Falling down the stairs was so utterly embarrassing. A sorcerer of yours should be more graceful and more tentative and careful. If your mother had been around, she would’ve reprimanded you, claiming you were nothing but a failure. That you needed to be severely reprimanded for your error. Your mother had been such a bitch. Even though you weren’t in contact with her anymore, her lessons still stuck with you to this day.

“Gojo! Gojo! Let’s get some ice cream!” Itadori and Kugisaki pointed frantically at the convenience store you were passing.

“Ah, yeah, ice cream sounds delicious right now! Yuuji, come on, let’s grab some! Megumi and Nobara, you're on drink detail!” your blindfolded boyfriend turned his head towards you, staring for a long moment before facing the shop. “You just stay here, babe.”

Embarrassment twisted your guts like they were knots on a boat. Of course, the strongest sorcerer of the modern age would be embarrassed by such a simple mistake you had made. If you made such a simple error as falling down the stairs on an easy mission, why would he want you to help get drinks and ice cream for the kids? Your bottom lip quivered as you shook your head, sitting on a bench outside the shop.

While your students and boyfriend headed into the shop, you could feel the heat plummeting down on you. On hot summer days like this, when you had made an error in your training or forgot to do something in the house, your mother would always make you sit outside. Other family members snacked on ice cream and drinks, while your mother always denied you the right to lovely cold iced tea or an ice cream cone.

“You failed me today; you do not deserve a treat. Sweets, like these, are earned, not given.”

Her words still rang in your ears as sweat slid down the back of your neck. It would be a long walk back to the school without anything to keep you cool. You needed to be more careful on your missions, especially now that it was summertime. It was bad enough you fell down a flight of stairs. You couldn’t imagine how you would be lectured for fainting in the heat.

“Mmm!” Yuuji hummed happily, licking his ice cream as a sliding door to the convenience store dinging the four returned. Megumi held a bag as Nobara chugged down some of her green tea. “This is great! Thanks Gojo!”

“Yeah, thanks.” Megumi nodded his head as he sipped on a bottle of water.

“It's too damn hot out here! We should go to the beach! Oooh, or a water park; maybe an agency will approach me!” You couldn’t help but smile as the trio of students talked amongst themselves and made plans to beat the summer heat. Your mindless star was cut short as an icy cold bag pressed firmly against your hot cheek.

You jumped, startled by the sudden cold against your face. Pulling back, you glanced up at your boyfriend, whose dimple deepened as he grinned. “Easy there, it’s just me, you’re loving boyfriend, with an ice cream for you.” Something in your chest swelled as you glanced at the ice cream he handed you, still wrapped in plastic.

“Huh?”

“Uh, ice cream? For my girlfriend, here.”

He waved the treat in front of your face, emphasizing his point. When you said nothing, he waved it again, tilting his head in confusion as to why you were so hesitant about taking it. There was a look in your eyes as you just stared at the sweet treat that had him tilting his head to the other side, pursing his lips together.

He sighed, flopping down on the seat next to you, his long legs stretched out. He was ripping the plastic and holding the unwrapped ice cream towards you. “Here you go, babe.” Your fingers inched closer toward the waffle cone before you promptly pulled them back.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you get me this?”

Gojo pulled his blindfold up; eyebrows scrunched together as his mouth was agape in confusion. “Because it's a bajillion degree outside? Because I bought the students ice cream and one. Why wouldn’t I get my girlfriend one too?” Gojo seemed insulted that you would ask such a naïve question.

“N-No, I get that, but I didn’t do anything to deserve it. You had to rescue me today. And now you’re giving me a prize for nothing?”

“Who in their right mind told you that?!”

With flushed cheeks, you glance down at the ground. “Uhm, well—my mother always told me that sweets were a reward. I never used to get them as a kid. Hell, even meals sometimes were considered a reward after training.” A sudden spike of nausea rose in your throat at the unpleasant memories of your childhood.

Gojo remained silent momentarily, taking your words as meaningful instructions for an important project. Instead of saying anything, he grabbed you by your chin, holding it between his thumb and forefinger, lifting it so your eyes met his. His usual charismatic, carefree charm was void, as were his gorgeous eyes. Instead, you were met with nothing but worry. Seeing him look at you like that caught you off guard as he leaned in, gently pressing a kiss against your lips.

Your eyes went wide, darting towards the trio who didn’t pay you any mind. The kiss wasn’t heated or full of desire like it usually was. It was nothing but genuine, passionate love. You kissed him back, slowly closing your eyes as your arms wrapped around his neck. Gojo pulled back, grabbing your chin, tapping the ice cream against your bottom lip, grinning wide.

“Your mother was a mythic bitch. God, I would love to beat her ass for torturing you as a child.” he sighed before turning to watch you take the ice cream, unwrapping it. “You don't have to do anything to deserve a treat. If you want one, have one, especially after a rough mission. I always get myself a treat after a mission! It's like a little reward.” His large hand stroked your hair as you happily licked the ice cream. “We gotta work on fixing that mentality.”

Your shoulders feel light as the ice cream begins to cool you down. “Right, I think this,” you motion towards the ice cream in your hand, “is a great start.” Gojo barks out a laugh, shaking his head.

“Oh baby, this is just convenience store ice cream. Wait until I take you to my absolute favorite shop downtown!”

On the way back to school, the five of you laughed as you ate your ice cream. Gojo sucked on his

while he carried you on his back. You were lucky to have a man who would tell you when you were inevitably wrong, and you were worse so much more than you thought.

Geto Suguru:

You stood in the kitchen, watching the girls running around playing, which was a good thing seeing that you had screwed up and forgotten to pick them up after school. The morning had been hectic, from filling out paperwork to doing housework, and it has just managed to slip away from you.

You were cutting vegetables for dinner when the school called. At first, you were confused, but the second you glanced at the clock, your stomach fell into your ass. You ran all the way to the school, finding the girls eagerly waving at you from the steps where their teacher glowered down at you.

“Sorry! I lost track of time, sweet peas!”

“That’s okay!” Nanako said as she held onto her sister’s hand. “We figured you were held up and knew either you or Geto would show up!”

“Mhmm!” Mimiko agreed as they tread down the steps together.

You ruffled their hands as they passed you before turning to their teacher. “I’m sorry time got the better of me. Thank you for waiting with them.” typically, people would say it wasn’t a problem, but this teacher shot daggers out at you as she stepped down to face you head-on.

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself.” Her words weighed you down as you stared at her in confusion and shock. “You call yourself a mother or a guardian? Your generation is so lazy and self-entitled, caring about no one but yourselves.”

“Excuse me; you're wro—”

“Lazy, ungrateful people like you don’t deserve the happiness they were blessed with.” She shoved past you, heading down the sidewalk. “You don’t deserve it.”

The elderly teacher was an insane coldhearted bitch. Shit happens, like losing track of time. She could fuck off all you cared. Both you and Subaru worked hard to make the girls feel loved. She didn’t know what she was talking about. So you brushed off her cruel words to the side, holding both girls’ hands as you walked home together.

Ignoring the teacher was easy, but her words triggered unpleasant memories for you. It was her and the guilt in your stomach for losing track of time that triggered flashbacks to play in your mind. Your father told you you did nothing and deserve your mother because you didn’t prepare it when you had been training all day. You never got to enjoy a warm meal with your family on days like that.

Moments and bad habits like that tended to stick around like a scar. Even when you were an adult, you knew you didn’t do anything wrong, but the interaction with the teacher and memories from your childhood had you sinking in on yourself—the little girl who watched her family eat without her.

The door opened, and Suguru grinned as the girls ran at him, throwing their arms around his legs and giggling as he walked into the kitchen. His eyes were warm down the top of their heads. You smiled at him before looking away, your stomach growling.

“Welcome home, Geto!”

“Thanks, girls.” he placed a big watermelon on the kitchen counter, drawing that girl's attention along with your own. “Look what Yaga gave me. It’s nice and cold. Perfect for dessert tonight.”

Your mouth watered as Nanamo and Mimiko chanted excitedly, watching Suguru wash his hands before cutting into the melon with a knife. Your fingers slowly inched forward, but you pulled away, focusing on your phone instead. If your father were here, he would remind you that you didn’t deserve to eat with your family. Because you had forgotten to pick up the girls today

“You girls ate all of your dinner, right?” Your boyfriend asked as he grabbed two slices of the sweet red melon, holding them out in front of the girls.

“Yes, Geto!”

“We ate everything!”

“Good, here you go.” They took the slices eagerly, munching on the bright red fruit. While they happily ate, Geto turned his attention toward you. He pushed some of his dark bangs out of his vision. “And you, Princess? Did you eat all of your dinner?”

“No.”

Your boyfriend blinked, cocking an eyebrow at you. “Why not?” His voice lowered as he grabbed a slice of the melon.

“I don’t deserve to eat.” Those five words wait a ton, causing your boyfriend’s face to contort with concern.

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I don’t. I screwed up and forgot to pick up the girls today. Their teacher made sure to let me know. I didn’t deserve to be as blessed as I am.”

Suguru scoffed, narrowing his gaze as he grabbed your face in one hand, squeezing it so your lips were puckered. “That’s bullshit, and you know it. You work your ass off every day to take care of our blessings. There’s no reason why you don’t deserve to eat.”

“My father would disagree with you on that.”

“Well,” your boyfriend squeezes your cheeks gently. “If I ever meet your father, I’m going to feed him to my curses because he doesn’t deserve to breathe for making you feel like that.”

“Sugu—mm!”

The tip of the watermelon slice is promptly shoved into your mouth. “I don’t want to hear you argue because, for once, you’re wrong.” You felt like all the worry on your shoulders and the grip your father had on you began to fade away. “Now be a good girl and chew.”

You take a bite, the sweet juices flooding your mouth. You moan at the taste, swallowing before taking another bite. Seeing the smile on your face, your boyfriend grinned back as he gently continued to hold the watermelon for you.

“Hey, Ma didn't eat her dinner!” Nanako chimed in as both she and Mimiko happily continued to eat their slices

“Oh, I know we’re just doing things out of order tonight.”

“Oh, that sounds like fun. Can we do that tomorrow night?!” The girls ask in unison before you and Suguru, smiling before saying yes. Sometimes, life was messy, but you just had to go with the flow and take one moment at a time, even if that meant doing things out of order.

Nanami Kento:

“My love,” you glanced up from your book as Nanami stepped inside the apartment, removing his glasses. “I’m home.”

Your book is thrown across the couch as you leap your feet, rushing to throw your arms around your husband. “Welcome home, Kento!” His hand gently grabs the back of your head as you kiss him. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He presses another longing, soft kiss against your lips. “I’m starving. I can’t wait to unwind with a nice warm meal with you.”

You pull away, and Nanami watches your face pale. You yank yourself away from his arms, your hand covering up to cover your mouth as you mentally start cursing yourself out. Being a housewife meant you got to take care of the house, shop for groceries, and prepare dinner for your husband without worrying about working as an assistant supervisor. Today, you cleaned the house, shopped for groceries, and did laundry but failed to do the most important thing.

Make dinner for your beloved husband, who worked all day.

“Oh my God, fuck me!” You rushed to the kitchen, throwing the fridge open and trying to figure out what you could make. “I’m so sorry, Ken.”

“Love, it’s al—”

“No, no, I’m so sorry. I’ll make something for you, or I could pick something up.”

“Honey—”

“I’m sorry.” In this state, you weren’t sure if you could cook anything with your shaking hands. “I’ll order you something. Please go take a bath and relax; I got this!”

Your husband frowned but didn’t argue with you. He just stared for a long moment before heading into your room to change, leaving you a shaking mess as you ordered him a sandwich and soup from the bakery down the street, not adding anything for yourself. With the food ordered, you paced the kitchen, biting down on your thumbnail with a sigh; terrible memories from your childhood and your weeping mother flashed.

When you were little, your mother was a stay-at-home mom while your father was on missions. Both your parents loved each other and rarely fought, but your father’s mother was a terrible human being. Whenever your mother was overwhelmed and wasn’t able to cook dinner, your grandmother would yell and scream at her, telling her she was a terrible wife and homemaker. On days like that, your mother would weakly smile before preparing something quick for everyone to enjoy.

Your mother would never join in, even when the hot meal was prepared or purchased. Your grandmother chastised her for even considering joining them for a meal she had forgotten to make. Your mother would stay in the kitchen until everyone else had eaten before she might consider eating for herself. Which rarely happened in fear of how your grandmother would react.

You never thought you would find yourself in her shoes one day. On top of that, you had done hardly anything compared to the miracles your mother made. She raised children, kept up with the house, cleaned, and ensured everything was in order. You and Nanami were just two people to care for in a small, comfortable home. Compared to your mother, who took care of your entire clan, you were pathetic.

If your grandmother were still around, she would lecture you like she had your mother countless times before.

You had failed as a housewife, and that fact had your stomach churning with nausea as you carried the plate of delivered food to Nanami, who had just walked out of the bedroom, freshly showered and changed. You handed him the plate, keeping your eyes glued to the floor with a frown. Your gaze was suddenly lifted as Nanami took the plate with one hand and grabbed your chin with the other, forcing you to look at his face.

“I’m sorry, Kento.”

“Please don’t apologize for something so minuscule; it’s fine.”

“You worked all day while I stayed at home. It should’ve been done.”

You sat at the table, staring at the placement before you, and your husband began eating in silence, his eyes glancing towards the table, finding nothing on a plate for you. A blonde brow cocked as he swallowed the bite in his mouth.

“Love, where’s your food?” You frown, dropping your head lower. “Darling?”

“I don’t deserve to eat with you. I’ll eat tomorrow morning.”

You listen as the chair across from you slides against the wooden floor. There are a few footsteps before the chair beside you pulls out, and Nanami’s body wash invades your senses. Your eyes clamp shut, but you hear rustling instead of a stern lecture. Opening one eye, you find half his sandwich on the placemat before you.

“Kento, what are you—!”

“I want to share my food because despite your thinking you did nothing today, just because you were at home is not the case.” He takes another bite, the bread crunching deliciously, making your stomach growl loud. “You cleaned the house and reorganized our bathroom.” He took another bite. “Then you dusted the office, shopped for groceries, and on top of all of that, you did our laundry.”

Your husband was one of the most considerate men in the entire world. He took notice of the little things you did and always made sure you knew how much he appreciated you. So, not being angry that there was no dinner waiting for him at home had your heart skipping a beat.

“Kent—”

“Nuh-uh, unless the next words out of your mouth revolve around the sandwich, and it's good to save it; I don’t want an apology. I don’t want to hear how you didn’t do a good job. Because that’s not right, take such wonderful care of our home. I love you more than anything in this world.”

You pick the other half of the sandwich up, smiling at him. “Thank you, Kento.” You take a bite, the bread crunching as you do. You hum happily at the delightful taste that swarms your taste buds. “Mhmm!” Kento grins, leaning over and pressing the softest kiss against your temple.

“I love you; thank you for taking such good care of the house.”

“I love you too, Kento; thank you for all your hard work!” Your smile is as bright as the sun as you hold up half of the sandwich. “And thanks for sharing!”

Nanami gently taps the half of his sandwich against yours as if clinking glasses together. “You’re welcome, my love.”

Forever Tag List:

@darkstarlight82 @pandoness @nealeart @simp-plague @sugurubabe @chilichopsticks

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monkey-overalls · 17 days ago

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Project: Eden’s Garden Deadly Life/Trial Thoughts

Feeling a bit more incoherent now than I did before for… obvious reasons, so these are gonna be bullet points instead of full paragraphs:

Kai’s “OOOHHH SHIT” voice line cracks me up every time I hear it, the delivery is hilarious.

Also the “GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER”—I see you Aliens reference, don’t think I didn’t catch that 👀

Wolfgang’s enraged sprites were phenomenal. The emotion captured in them had me on the edge of my seat.

I still don’t trust him though. They keep hammering in how great of a person he was but I dooon’t trust it not ooone bit!!!

WOLFGANG’S VOICE ACTOR NAILED IT OH MY GOSH ‼️‼️

The performance may have been much less intense than many of the other characters, but I want to shout out Eloise’s VA as well. Her voice is so soft and sweet, but she can also sound authoritative when she wants to be (i.e., questioning Grace). Anytime she speaks I’m like 🥰

Diana lowkey sounds like Kaede. Am I the only one who thinks she sounds like Kaede???

The fact that they made Ulysses say “Um ackshually ☝️🤓” gave me irreversible whiplash.

I can’t attest to the playability of the Argument Altercation (I watched it, not played it) but it was visually and conceptually stunning. Eva may be having a complete mental breakdown, but the art makes her look super cool doing it lmao

Diana I am so sorry for thinking you were sus, you deserve so much better… your speech was a little goofy though ngl

I say this while also still shipping her and Eva… whoops, got blinded by the toxic yuri beams sorrynotsorry-

Now for the elephant in the room… Eva they could never make me hate you. NEVER. I don’t care that you chewed Damon out or framed Diana for murder, you’re still my favorite girl and this game will have to pry my imaginary Eva Tsunaka marketable plushie from my cold, dead hands!!!

Obviously her VA also slayed. I love how quiet and raspy her voice normally is, and how that juxtaposes with her absolutely losing her shit towards the end of the trial.

That execution, man. At first I was like “A fire pit? That’s it? Seems like a pretty instant death to me” and then they brought out the glass and the nails and I was SILENT. The ghost of Kirumi Tojo was cheering you on the entire way, Eva.

The animation had no right being that smooth??? Tozu was right, this probably did take up most of the budget.

Everyone’s crying sprites make me want to commit Sakura Protein Shake 😭

INGRID’S AFFIRMATIONS DIDN’T HELP, THEY JUST MADE ME CRY HARDER 😭😭😭

#project eden's garden #project: eden's garden #p:eg #p:eg spoilers #p:eg chapter 1 #eva tsunaka #kai monteago #wolfgang akire #diana venicia #eloise taulner #damon maitsu #ulysses wilhelm #ingrid grimwall

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jesncin · 3 months ago

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Hi! I’ve been reading Hellblazer lately, and I was wondering if you had any thoughts regarding John’s relationships in the comic? Either romantic, platonic, or familial (I know you’ve already talked a lot about Goldie especially, but I’d love to hear your thoughts about Cheryl and Gemma, too!)

My ghost sensitive friends can see ghosts in photos so this works actually. Tony Masters was not invited to the family photo because Johnstantine really doesn't want a photo of or with him haha.

I'm only about a hundred issues into Hellblazer but I love Cheryl and Gemma! I like that John cares for his sister and niece to such a point that if he learns his niece is in trouble he'd drop everything to save her even when he's about to get funky-style with someone. I find his relationship with these two just so endearing. They're a nice break from his other abusive family members. Other opinions on John's romantic partners under the cut!

Emma: excellent. I hope she keeps haunting John forever.

Zed: I think she's fun and a great love interest. Mysterious, cunning and tragic in a way that reinforces Hellblazer themes really well. I don't really like her return with that sort of culty following afterwards, just in terms of vibes. Idk I don't trust that brand of white woman haha.

Marj: Also a great love interest! I like how she contrasts Zed as the more down to earth hippie one. While I think she's sweet, I do agree with John's later assessment that they're not a fit realistically. Somehow I still don't trust this white woman. Just a vibe.

Kit: Icon. Queen. She should get to dump John and break his heart as many times as she wants.

Sarah: You deserved better, narratively. The minute this character showed up I took a long break from reading Hellblazer cuz I knew she was going to be Disposable Black Love Interest and yep, she was. John spent his whole time with her fixated on his ex-gf Helen, instead. The only saving grace is at least Sarah dumped John before meeting a worse fate by sticking around.

Chas (lmao): never did anything wrong and should be allowed to beat up John whenever he wants.

(Honorable mention since I'm also reading Spurrier's Hellblazer run too) Liza Ikumelo: I love her as a tragic mom to Noah Ikumelo and I like that she and John had a fling resulting in the tragedy that is John being an absent dad to Noah's younger years. Did she have to be a cop though. Spurrier is so much more critical of american cops in comparison for some reason >_>

Those are my thoughts so far!

#askjesncin #john constantine #hellblazer #vertigo comics #goldie constantine #golden boy #jl remix #cheryl masters #gemma masters #i wish more hellblazer characters outside of john and chas get drawn but alas #they deserve the love though! i love em lots even the funky hellblazer characters

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nastasya--filippovna · 3 months ago

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So I finally finished Rivals

so here's my review followed by my episode-by-episode, PowerPoint presentation, Danny Motta style reaction (which no one asked for)

⚠️so massive spoilers heads-up⚠️

WHAT A WATCH! for the first time in, well, forever I did not binge the show immediately after it came out. I gave it time. Watched one episode each day and I think I liked the experience! I remembered a lot more stuff that I do when I binge things. But that's not what I'm here to talk about. Pfft let'g get into it huh!

So I read the book like ages ago when the show was first announced and though I remembered some stuff from the plot, I mostly let myself be shocked by it. Would I have watched it if David Tennant wasn't in it. Hmmmm? Probably not!

I mean this show....ugh... man there's no one word to describe it, is there! It's not all romp and pomp although it may seem like it. The strangest part is that for a show that's dealing with some really dark matter it (for some darn reason) refuses to take itself seriously (as @davidtennantgenderenvy wonderfully put it). I mean one minute we're dealing with woman rights, the other Matador Ole is playing while Rupert and Cameron stare each other like that.

I think it's unfair that the media constantly limited the premise of the show to its sexual aspects. The story is a clear socio-political critique of the power politics, sexual politics, and elite culture of the time and it's still quite reflective of the same things in our time too. In fact, the very fact that it disguises itself as a period piece makes it all the more applicable to our time. While watching the show I felt as if each character represents a different segment of the upper class; like Antonio Gramsci said the capitalist class is not a unified group. We have Rupert who represent the political elite, the ones that come from powerful families and then we have Declan who's the intellectual elite, Tony who's one of those new-money business elite people who will never really fit into this cult, Fred the technology millionaires, and Monica who represents that fading, waning part of old British aristocracy that was all about decorum and honour and values and virtue, something that is no longer valued in all the new kinds of elites that are springing up.

It's a very turbulent time. We're on the brisk of turning the world into the way we have it now, pulling it out of another era that is now fading away.

Rupert.... um man! Alex Hassell should be banned from playing this character because he injects more charisma in it that he deserves. I almost started liking him. And it's weird to me that his character development is fine, it's great it's wonderful, he goes from a careless heartless scoundrel to a nice caring person. The only problem I have here is what he did to Taggie in the beginning. How can someone ever possibly expect a woman to forgive a man for s3xual abuse or harassment. That's like major rizz-killer. But his friendship with Lizzie was one of the things I really liked. Made him seem so much more human.

Talking of Lizzie. My girl. My favourite character. Although if I'm being honest EVERY single woman in the show was impeccable. Every one of them ten thousand times more complicated than any male character. We need more women written by women. Sarah looks like a dumb blonde but she's not. She's just a woman who's trying to make something of her life in this male dominated world. Cameron Cook. Absolute goddess. She's powerful. She knows what she wants and how to get it. We just don't have enough ambitious women in media portrayed as "good". Ambitious women are always shown as bitches. And she's not passive in regard to her sexuality. It's her weapon and she uses it with her full agency. Monica, what can I even say about her. Perfectly embodies the crumbling grace of old aristocratic families. Beautiful performance, beyond words. Maud. Oh boy. I lowkey hated her for a bit but her last scene was so amazing.

Aaaaaaand Tony. Tell you what they should NOT let David Tennant play bad people. 'Cause he's gonna do it so good it will give you nightmares for ages. I love that he is always in command of the kind of response he wants to elicit from the audience in regard to his character especially when playing an antagonist. I mean if we compare them, Des makes you feel like you're gaping at the fucking abyss, Tom Kendrick is just awful and scary like a bad father, Kilgrave is (like the character's personality) the kind of performance where you want to hate this person bcs you know they're awful but something about them is sucking you in and you hate that feeling but you can't stop it somehow (cz that's what Kilgarve does!). For Tony he knew what he was doing. He knows how to turn on maximum rizz and then turn it off. He reels in the viewer, making them think oh this is the most charismatic human being I have ever seen (just like Tony does to other characters) and then he strikes when you're in deep.

Another interesting bit about this character was how (esp in eps 7 and 8) there's bits where you think that maybe he's not altogether bad, that maybe there's a bit of kindness and love hiding there somewhere. But then you realise there isn't. All that tenderness is deliberate. He does it on purpose because it draws people in. He cannot love because he doesn't have it in him. Everything is, for him, about social status and winning. He doesn't love his wife. He doesn't love Cameron. He just wants to have them because she feels like he didn't have the things he deserved at some point so now he's gotta have everything. Like he says "just let me have this one"; it's all about winning. Heard someone call him a cartoon villain. Nope guys he's very real. Also the only time you feel like he's being genuine is when he's being a sopping wet pathetic mess in the end.

And he's also very relatable to some extent. I get that what he goes through. His insecurities and whatever complex he has. I do. I go to a university with rich kids from filthy rich families. My parent's parents weren't rich. They just made their fortunes in the last generation and even though I get to be in the same circles as these rich pricks, I feel always (or they make me feel) left out. Like I'm an imposter. Like I could never really have any real class. And that itches a very particular itch in my brain.

As an afterthought, I think you can measure men's personalities and worthiness in terms of DT characters: On a scale of Alec Hardy to Tony Baddingham what kind of man are You!"🫵

On the whole it was a great show. Lovely music. Loved the introduction of each character and how it just lets you know what kind of person this guy/gal/person is! Wonderful cinematography and visuals. Gripping sub-plots. An what an ending! Perfect cliffhanger. And tbh I'd really like it if they left it here. To me a good story doesn't always need to be resolved. There's something to be said for those little ambiguities and uncertainties in life and all the thigs left unsaid. [and if someone is really anxious they can go read the book] Remarkable watch. ★★★★★ (5/5)

And now the reaction!

(Tap for full picture and better quality)

Anyways, here's some memes I made while watching Rivals

Episode 5 Live Reaction:

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ir-abelas-vhenan · 1 month ago

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I would give all my critiques (this is a lie) back if at the end of Veilguard we had found out in an extra extra post-Marvel credits scene that it's just been Sandal playing with figurines on the Skyhold war table's map of Thedas all Civil War Buff Dad style.

I wasn't going to do this because everyone deserves to rationalize Veilguard however works best for them, but in the wake of that hilariously dismal end-of-times IGN interview and AMA, I thought I'd share how my best friend and I decided to view Veilguard. Everything below is taken from probably a fifteen minute text conversation we had working through our disappointment together, but by the end we both felt way better about the game.

Picture this. You reach the climax of the game, Solas has freed himself from the fade and is getting ready to cast a really powerful spell and suddenly, out of nowhere, he just gets squished flat and then it immediately cuts to Bodahn in a little fire-lit room saying "Oh Sandal, you crushed another one of the pieces?"

Varric is sitting there alive, well, and BLONDE, and has been playing the whole game with Sandal and says "the kid's got a great imagination." They're all in the home of the Inquisitor.

So how do we get here, you might ask?

*drumroll*

Actually wait no I fear this is going to be long so I'll put a divider thingy in.

So hear me out.

We'll go a year or so after Trespasser. The inquisitor is going through it. Skyhold is still theirs to command because sure everyone and their mother's mother was mad at the Inquisition for taking care of business, but what are you going to do, take their home away? Not if any of the Inquisitor's fiercely loyal friends have anything to say about it (I'm sure Josephine had something worked out to get a title locked down after there being so much uncertainty at Haven, anyway).

So it's become a home base once more, regardless of how intact the inquisition is or isn't under Divine Victoria. Agents are always going in and out, the murals in the rotunda serve as an ever-present reminder of the mission at hand, and Varric visits regularly from Kirkwall to touch base. On one such visit, Bodahn and Sandal accompany him, because they heard there might be a need for enchantments (BOOM).

One night everyone ends up around the map because it's been a rougher week than usual and a game of wicked grace at the tavern just isn't enough, they've gotta treat this like an overdue group project and pull an all-nighter to get SOMEWHERE on tracking down Solas.

Enter Sandal. He's bored, no one is asking him to enchant anything, and Dagna isn't around for them to talk shop (engage in probably illegal/definitely unsafe experiments). And there, amidst the pile of clutter the team has been using when they need to add a new piece to the war table, is a Rook chess piece.

He's seen one before, of course. Varric used to try and teach it to him back in Kirkwall, and Sandal was good in the way that new chess players who go full chaos mode are stellar at driving experienced chess players crazy. His win streak is no joke. So he grabs it, tries to lighten the mood around the war table because no one in a bad mood is going to be requesting enchantments any time soon, and suddenly the tension that's been building up for months starts to ease just a little.

Eventually, everyone gets involved. Much like any great D&D campaign, they fit time in for the adventures of Rook & co in between skrimishes, secret missions, and stressful planning sessions, but that just enables more people to have input.

The Chargers keep making suggestions of all the missions Rook should go on when they pass through, but these all end up becoming Neve's cases.

Bellara was made up by Cassandra who stopped by for a visit from rebuilding the Seekers/wearing her big hat and she was too busy to give anything substantial, but she went with what she knows: a character who loves romance and has a dead brother.

Sera doesn't have the attention span to get too in-depth with it, but she does doodle all over the map of Thedas and add some much needed commentary as the Rook piece moves across it. She also INSISTS that the villains of the story be old and elfy, because they don't get enough representation as villains.

Lucanis loving coffee/it being 75% of his lines comes exclusively from the fact that on the nights they get too invested to stop it's the only thing that keeps them going and he became the character that embodies that particular struggle.

There are so many enchantments Rook can take advantage of because Sandal keeps thinking of new ones he can test with Dagna when she's next around.

Speaking of Sandal again, he tried to kill Varric off in the beginning because he was putting on his author hat and over-narrating. Varric was of course like "wait no why did you kill me I wanted to be part of this" so he keeps interjecting as himself and everyone else is like "shhh you're dead." They only indulge him when they conclude what feels like a major plot point and need someone with an understanding of narrative and pacing to tie all the threads together or give them an idea of where to go next.

The Inquisitor struggles to get into it sometimes because they feel like the weight of the world is on their shoulders yet again. Occasionally, they'll sighs heavily and insert their game piece onto the board (Blackwall carved it, so it's as close s a completely different style can be to their true likeness) to be like "so anyways, THESE are the problems happening in Southern Thedas, in case anyone forgot" only for their message crystal to light up and Dorian's voice to filter through.

"I hear you're working on an astounding number of hypotheticals. Do you think it would be feasible to form an undercover group that works to liberate slaves?"

And then suddenly they spend the rest of the night working through how effective such an organization might be (through Rook's eyes, of course), but because Dorian isn't there to stop them they give him an insane new hairstyle and mention it every time they're giving a description of the Shadow Dragon leader. He is horrified.

Harding gets to be a self-insert because everyone unilaterally agrees that a fictional scout wouldn't hold a candle to her skill level. All the not fleshed out dwarven plot points come from their scrambled theorizing, but it does inspire her to look deeper into the mysterious Kal-Sharok during her real travels.

The reason Morrigan acts so out of character is because they're all like "we have no fucking idea what she gets up to when she isn't saving the world, but we know she'd be there in some capacity."

Leliana is busy busy busy but when she hears about what they're doing and that Morrigan is involved, she finds the time to send a letter saying "let's give her different hair :)"

When Morrigan finds out she brings Kieran for a visit (he missed all of his friends at Skyhold anyway) and is like "seems a most inconvenient waste of time..." and then finds out Leliana is the reason her game piece looks crazy and is like...make a character who is nosy and up in everyone's business all the time but still super reserved and afraid to trust others. (Boom, hi Neve).

Kieran gets really into the story and is critical to designing Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain. "She has sooOOoO many arms!" he explains, miming it out over the sound of a muffled voice crystal shaking as Dorian yells "you could've killed me! You could have made me evil! But you made me UGLY?!"

Even the Inquisitor, exhausted as they are, still finds the time to check in and ask if brown-haired Varric is still dead. The answer is always yes.

They all have a good laugh about the idea of Treviso and Minrathous being full of zip lines, but how else are they going to get to the parts they actually care about?

Minrathous gets destroyed instead of Treviso because while they're deciding the stakes for Rook to be faced with, Fenris stops by to check in with Varric because he heard they might need to go to Tevinter. He takes one look at the board and goes "hanging bodies. Everywhere."

"Fenris, that means the venatori will take over."

"...this game is stupid anyway."

Iron Bull definitely said "this story needs a DRAGON HUNTER" so boom. Enter Taash. A Dorian that romanced him sighs heavily and decides to play along if only to get to spend more time with his amatus another way. He models a character after one of his favorite professors from when he was a child.

Solas looks so yassified because the Inquisitor's love interest (or Sera, if they're pining after the Dread Wolf himself) came by and threw his actual war table piece into the fire during a particularly rough evening after his agents thwarted them yet again. To replace him, they let Kieran draw on a spoon and add a new cursed detail every time he pulls some bullshit to try and cheer each other up.

Fenris goes back to Kirkwall and complains about the stupid game Varric is running instead of spending all of his time on saving the world. Merrill overhears and is like "oh! They're incorporating eluvians? That's nice!" until she hears about how many there are and her eye starts twitching.

Harding only dies because everyone over-celebrates when Rook finally gets a win over on the stuffed squid animal being used to represent Ghilan'ain and her game piece topples over. Varric insisted that it be canon because he's tired of being the only dead one.

Blackwall gets Sera to be a little more invested by promising they can make a character together, maybe an elven Grey Warden! She washes her hands of anything too dalish, even though Blackwall makes it clear that there's more to him than that, but insists he should have a loyal griffon friend in honor of his rocking toys.

It's one of the Inquisitor's fondest memories as they prepare to actually find Solas for real, and one of the only unifying threads keeping everyone sane.

#there's just so much possibility #and I think it would have enabled Veilguard to be a fun in-between game before The Actual Game #I won't make it any longer but obviously there's so much potential behind other characters and story elements #datv spoilers #veilguard spoilers #solas #datv #dragon age the veilguard #dragon age the veilguard spoilers #dragon age veilguard #dragon age inquisition #varric #sandal #dragon age #datv critical #veilguard critical

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writteninlunarlight-years · 7 months ago

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Busy days give cute ideas-

Since the Hotel was rebuilt, Lucifer has stepped up and has started doing Kingly things again. Talking to the Sins- helping them sort out arguments basically- but also helping Charlie brainstorm ideas for bringing in Sinners and activities.

He forgot how busy being a King made him-

Then Reader, a Sinner that came after the Extermination because they saw the King Himself saying to try redemption -plus free room!- grabs him one day without warning, and throws him into bed. Just full on waits on his every need, watches a movie he hasn't seen before but does like, makes lunch and dinner for him, plays card games-

They do everything Lucifer has been seen enjoying. And Reader remembered? He barely spoke to them, but here they are. Being kind to him.

Basically a full day of reasons why he deserves a break, Lilith wasn't anywhere near as caring as he falsely remembered, and that he REALLY needs to get to know Reader now-

Lazy Dayz in a Dreamy Haze

TW: Overworking, relationship issues, sad feelings

(I am almost positive I made this completely gender ambiguous. Please tell me if I missed something or gendered the reader at all!)

Your fall from grace wasn't anything to really write home about. You were a grade-A lazy person in your mortal life, and that inevitably led to your less-than-amazing death. You could sleep wherever and whenever, find the best binge-worthy shows, and overall, you know how to relax for a good time.

You were a little confused when you saw Charlie's original broadcast for the hotel. How could you ever be redeemed when your sin is just simply enjoying your free time? This seemed like too high a task for a mere princess to accomplish, not to mention that once word got out that the Radio Demon was helping her, it was even more of a put-off.

You followed the story, though; Kattie Killjoy documented it every time something happened in Charlie's unsuspecting life. You also were one of the lucky few to witness the downfall of Vox’s pride due to the Radio Demon.

When the extermination got pushed up to only a couple of days away, you had even more doubts about this redemption policy the princess wanted. When the broadcast showed Lucifer there, ready to strike down, the angels soon to torment more than just the hotel if they didn’t win; something moved in you.

The following day, you packed up your small things and made your way across the city to the hotel. You didn't expect much when you joined the Hazbin Hotel. You saw that the king endorsed it, and if the king said it was cool, then why not? You didn’t reasonably expect your whole life to change, though.

Not only did you gain a little family of friends, but you also got free room and board so long as you completed Charlie's exercises and you got to see him. Lucifer Morningstar was a pragmatic character in the grand scheme of things. Where his daughter had illusions of grandeur, he was there to make things happen and make things work. Doing this, however, cost him what looked like a great deal.

Lucfier worked day in and day out. Even though you lived in the same hotel as him, you hardly saw him not doing something for Charlie or one of the other inhabitants. Seeing someone doing so much to make a dream come true and not take care of his own was sad. Maybe this was when the first inklings of your feelings for the king kicked in.

Growing close to the others in the hotel, you eventually learn all about Lucifer's problems in his past, from harboring poor feelings towards his fellow angels to having to deal with losing Lilith and his daughter. Luckily, he and Charlie rekindled some of their relationship, but it was clear Lucifer worked himself to death to avoid thinking about the missing person. Lilith, though a once prominent figure in hell, was still not found, causing a lot of people, including Charlie, to assume she just never was going to come back.

You got confirmation about Lucifer's depression one rainy night sitting at the bar. You were busy talking to Husk about Charlie's upcoming bonding retreat when a groggy Lucifer came down to get a drink. While he sat next to you, the bags and lines around his face were as clear as day. For an immortal being, he looked like he was knocking on death's door. He had been working long into the night to ensure Charlie’s next adventure went on without a hitch.

You had nothing against Charlie and immensely enjoyed her company. You can only assume Charlie hadn’t given her father a break because he was never this vulnerable around her. You knew Husk had a way to get people to open up, but you were surprised he was opening up in front of you. He looked exhausted, as if sleep had invaded him for nights. You wanted to hug him, wrap him in blankets, and tell him to sleep.

While looking over the man, you noticed a band of gold on his hand that he awkwardly fidgeted with. Taking the context clues and knowledge from those in the hotel, you'd bet that was his wedding band. While watching him drink his fourth glass of whiskey for the night, you leaned over and placed a comforting hand on his. “I know you don’t know me well, but Lucifer, you are doing an amazing job. It’s okay to stop and breathe a little. You won’t be letting anyone down if it’s to help yourself.”

His look was no less than shocked; from what you gathered, no one ever really talked to him in a comforting manner. “Uh, well, thank you, Y/N; you know I am happy you joined the hotel. You will be an excellent Winner if we can ever redeem a soul.”

That statement struck a cord in you again. Why did he know that you would make a good Winner? He had barely even met you when you joined the hotel. He was always so busy and working that the most you two said to each other on a given day was a small hello. Yet he knew enough about you to tell you would make a great Winner. You didn’t know that Lucifer was paying attention from the beginning of your journey at the hotel. He always said his job was to help make dreams come true, especially his daughters. So when you came along and started helping everyone with your calming aura and comforting ideas, he took extra notice of you. That's why he knew all your favorite napping spots, how you put self-care and rest above everything, and how you wanted to help others as much as he did.

From that day forth, you looked at the King of Hell differently. Instead of wondering why he was so busy and never saying no, you looked for all the times he grabbed that band. In doing this, you learned he liked to make rubber ducks, enjoyed the circus, had a fixation on apples, loved to sing randomly, and had a knack for helping others.

Honestly, the last part wasn’t that surprising. Charlie had to have gotten that trait somewhere. With Liltih being AWOL and the stories you heard in passing about the woman, you figured she wasn’t where Charlie's helping streak necessarily originated from. Taking this knowledge, you devise a plan to help the King of Hell finally get some reprieve.

Executing this plan flawlessly took a couple of days. From finding all the proper materials to convincing Charlie to make sure no one called on Lucifer, you had your work cut out for you. You didn’t know why you cared so much about what happened to Lucifer other than it tugged at your once-beating heart that he was so overworked and undervalued.

The day finally came for you to stop the overworked man and get him to slow down. As he started his day bright and early, you were already downstairs waiting. His arrival was right on time, and everyone knew that when he asked the dreaded ‘what can I do for everyone today’ question, they all had to say nothing.

When he heard he had nothing to do, Lucifer returned to playing with that ring on his finger. This was your cue to help him find a better way to distract himself than taking on millions of small tasks. You stood before Lucifer, hand outstretched with a broad smile, “Do you trust me?”

You were met with little hesitance, and before you knew it, you had taken Lucfier up to the day room on the top floor. You had set everything up for the first half of your relaxation day. There was a giant pillow fort taking up center stage of the room.

Lucifer was taken aback. This was the sweetest thing anyone had done for him. It is a little cozy retreat away from having to work, a welcomed distraction. He was excited to see what your mind came up with. The whole interaction left a warm feeling in his chest, one he didn’t know if he was ready to explore yet.

Crawling in, you beckoned Lucfier to join you inside and get cozy. The magnificent fort was littered with various comfort foods, cozy blankets, and a TV with what Charlie called his favorite shows. Turning on the fairy lights and TV, you immediately saw the tension in his shoulders begin to relax.

You two stayed there for hours, watching shows, eating good food, and talking. Lucifer didn’t know when the last time he allowed himself to be this free with another person. You were content making sure he understood how valued he was, but you couldn’t deny the proximity, and the ease of the conversation was beginning to make you feel some type of way.

When the final movie was put on the TV, you let out a slight yawn. You had never disrupted your sleep schedule and nap time for someone else before, and your body was beginning to disagree with you. Lucifer took note of this and scooted a little closer to you. When you looked up at him, he just patted his shoulder, and you understood he was offering assistance to you.

You laughed gently in your hand, shaking your head. “No, mister. I am supposed to be helping you, not the other way around. Come here.”

As you said this, you repositioned the situation, so Lucifer rested against your chest. Your arms were wrapped around him, and you were gently playing with his hair. Lucifer hadn't complained about this, so you deemed it safe to continue. His hair was soft, with a little gel from when he woke this morning. Eventually, your hand stopped moving as you drifted off to sleep.

Lucifer was content like this. He hadn’t been held in so long. This was something he only dreamed of doing with Lilith once more. He thought about all these things and felt your hands slow and your breathing even.

Lifting his head slightly to look at you and not wake you, he realized you were lovely. The thought initially scared him as he hadn’t thought of another since Lilith, but your compassion and kindness were a refreshment. Slowly, he rested his head back on your chest and took a much-needed nap.

You had woken first, feeling Lucifer tighten his grip subconsciously around you. Smiling, you stroked his hair again as you pulled out your phone. There was still an hour before the final stage of relaxation day could continue. You closed your phone and realigned your attention to Lucifer.

He looked so beautiful, almost angelic if you were allowed to say that. He let out tiny snores, and you could nearly not see the bags under his eyes. You gently caressed his cheek without thinking, and when he nuzzled your hand, your face lit up. You told yourself he wasn’t ready and to diminish these feelings immediately.

Once the hour was up, you gently woke Lucifer with a light shake. He rubbed his eyes and stretched, looking at the now-darkened TV. Once he was situated, he got out of the fort with you, ready for you to lead him on the next adventure.

You strategically chose the top floor for the fort retreat so everyone else could set up downstairs. See, your plan helped kill two birds with one stone. Charlie wanted a fun way to bring in more sinners, and you wanted to help take the stress off Lucifer's plate. In doing so, the Hazbin Hotel Annual Carnival was born.

As you arrived downstairs, the carnival was in full swing. Flashing lights, games, food, and even a circus event were happening. You turned to look at Lucfier and shouted, ‘Surprise!’ He was astonished that you not only considered giving him a brain break but also made sure to add something physically fun.

This was particularly useful in two ways: he loved the circus and would be tired when he went to bed if he got worn out at the carnival. You showed him around the carnival with a broad smile on your face. All the regular inhabitants of the hotel were the carnies and some outside friends Alstor enlisted.

As soon as you explained everything, Lucifer had your hand in his and dragged you around. Though you were still exhausted, seeing this man so happy was well worth it. You participated in the games and the face painting. Lucifer laughed hard when he saw you get his Iconic makeup done.

As you made it to one of the last games, you found Angel managing the Apple Bobbing contest. With a broad smile, you drug Lucifer over and place your bets on who could get the largest apple. You hoped the newly painted makeup would withstand this trial as you went first. Coming back up with a tiny apple, Angel had to make one of his inappropriate jokes.

Next, the king himself went for an apple, not before blushing at the lewd comment Angel had made about you. He really needed to teach him that it's okay to keep thoughts inside. As he went down for an apple, he found a golden one and took his chance. Popping his head up, Angel rang a bell, signifying the grand prize.

Lucifer was handed a giant white snake plushie with a top hat as his winnings. He smiled, holding the cute item, and then turned to you. Gently, he wrapped the snake around your arm and shoulders, smiling wide. Your heart fluttered at the notion that he had given you his grand prize, no questions asked.

Over the loudspeakers, an excited Charlie could be heard asking everyone to come to the big top for the show. Lucifer was excited that his daughter, as a ringmaster, would entertain all these guests. As you two took your seats in the crowded room, the lights dimmed, and Charlie, in an adorable outfit almost identical to her father's, came out.

The smile on Lucifer's face when he saw Charlie look and act like him was heartwarming. You could almost see tears in his eyes. Lucifer was notably the most involved watcher of the show, answering questions, raising his hand for volunteer options, and even performing a song with Charlie. It was a fantastic event that left many impressed.

As the circus act ended, Charlie approached you and thanked you for taking over this task. She had already gotten many people asking to enroll in her redemption program. While Charlie was talking to you, it was missed by all the knowing soft smile Lucifer had while staring at you. He realized that he hadn’t gone to rub his band once this entire day since you showed up.

Looking down at his hand, he moved the band from his left finger to his right. He wasn’t fully ready to let go of Lilith, at least not in the semblance of her being the mother of his child, but he was ready not to let his past hold him back anymore. He walked over to you and Charlie and gently interrupted the conversation, asking to steal you away.

Charlie said yes, giving you a big thumbs up before she went on her own way, too. You gave Lucifer your full attention again as he led you to the Farris Wheel. Climbing aboard, you two faced each other and began talking like earlier that day. The conversation seemed so fluid for you two, making this a beautiful moment.

Once at the top of the wheel, there was a sudden jolt, causing you to move forward and land in Lucifer's lap. Both of you laughed gently as you resituated back in your seat. In doing so, however, you noticed his left hand was bare. You panicked, “Where did your ring go? Did it fall when I moved? We have to look for it.”

Lucifer just laughed at you and shook his head. He showed you his right hand now adorning his wedding band. You calmed down and looked at Lucifer as he explained, “I have never been so well taken care of, Y/N. To say I appreciate you would be an understatement. For seven years of my life, I have lived in this dark shadow that I was at fault for losing all I held dear. Though Charlie has been there trying to help, I still drown myself in work to forget Lilith.”

Lucfier repositioned to sit closer to you, looking you in the eyes, “However, you have impacted my life since the day you arrived. I have been watching you and find your efforts to comfort and help those around you refreshing. I find it so amazing you even took time out for me to plan all of this.”

Lucifer gently touched your cheek as he continued, “I have loved every minute of this day, and as I began to love it more and more, I realized I couldn’t let Lilith control my life forever, especially if she wasn’t here. I am not ready to completely let go; she is the mother of my child, and I hope she is alive and well. I am saying, though, that I am ready to move on and try to live more carefree again. You, Y/N, have been a dream come true.”

Tears welled up in both your eyes as you took in the words. You smiled and reached your hand out to hold his. Hand in hand, you two laughed and looked over all of hell from the top of the wheel. You were happy he finally accepted being free from his past and taking self-care and love for himself seriously. It was also astonishing that you were the one to teach him this.

As the Farris Wheel ended and let you two off, the darkest point of the night finally hit. Grouping up at the front of the hotel, Lucifer's arms wrapped around you. A beautiful array of fireworks went off while you looked up to the sky. Turning to face Lucifer, you felt like you were living a dream. Who knew Lazy Days would result in a beautiful Dreamy Haze.

#x reader #lunarwritings #moons #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel imagine #Lucifer x reader #Lucifer x you #Lucifer x reader fluff #Lucifer x you fluff #hazbin hotel Lucifer #hazbin Lucifer #alastor Lucifer #Lucifer fluff #Lucifer #Theduckyking #thekingofhell

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somewhereincairparavel · 10 months ago

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If Percy can control a goddess's tears and saliva, poison, and water in a person's lungs, then why can't Jason and Thalia suck air out of someone's lungs to make them momentarily stop breathing atleast for a little while or smth? it's very much possible, i swear am i the only one who feels like the Grace siblings were severely underpowered considering that they're the children of the king of all gods? i get that uncle Rick probably didnt want them to overpower or overshadow Percy, but they could've had atleast a little more power.

Also, it's kinda obvious that Jason constantly getting knocked out is just a cheap and not very subtle way to make sure Jason doesn't "take" Percy's spotlight imo. Rick kind of overdid that to the point it became a joke, it's like he was afraid percy won't be seen as "cool" anymore, if jason had surpassed him, so he did everything he could to undermine jason's power to best of his ability, while simultaneously shoe-horning that jason is a Roman legend who had great achievements. Fine, don't give him new achievements, but couldn't we have gotten a flashback of his old achievements atleast? His fight with trojan, or him toppling the black throne, and fighting krios, atleast in Reyna's pov? Jason winning atleast one solid fight wont hurt anything or make us love percy any less.

It's clear that Rick CHOSE Jason to be Percy's equal or foil, but he never actually wrote them as equals with fair amount of power imo, it was a good idea to have them as parallels, but the execution was terrible. It made it seem like Jason simply exists for the sole purpose of making Percy look better (which isn't even necessary, mind you, bc Percy is always our OG king), by saying "ha! See! Percy is so much better than this useless upstart of a hero!" By giving him all the bad stuff percy doesn't have.

It's kind of like Cho from Harry Potter "existing" to make Ginny look like the superior partner for Harry and was discarded as soon as she served her purpose, scarily like Jason.

Jason's character deserved sm better. He had a great backstory, all he needed was a little more spice to his personality + a little more power

#like even hazel and nico had reasonable amount of power #thalia was just shipped off to the hunters just to be discarded IMO #and Jason was killed off #pjo #pjo fandom #pjo hoo #percy jackson #jason grace #pjo series #thalia grace #leo valdez #hazel levesque #frank zhang #nico di angelo

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tommygrace · 4 months ago

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The people on YouTube are true fans of the show and what they say about the relationship between Tommy and Grace is beautiful. These are some of the comments:

"He didn't have great day, but the seconds he sees her his face lights up. And the way he keeps caressing her face , it melts the heart. He only did this with Grace."

"Grace is so adorable in this scene, she's the only one I'll accept for Tommy."

"Grace face expressipns just show happy she is marrying to tommy. Smiling and chukling more often than before... The actress nailed the grace character so well. You can feel her love for tommy."

"The way he looks at her and this soft aspect of him that we only see when Grace is around ❤️❤️"

"Grace was Tommy’s last light."

"He was never like this with lizzie and all the other girls."

"Tommy never got that happiness again after Grace's death. No woman could make that again not even Lizzie. I'm so sad Grace died so soon. They had barely a few moments of happiness😢"

"I like how she jumps on him at the end. Such natural chemistry between these two actors. Their relationship really felt real."

"Finishing the series and watching it again, its crystal clear Grace was the love of his life. He was just never the same without her 😢 he was so in love with her, both of them."

"The way he look at her.."

"I love the fact that after getting the Sapphire he decided to get a nacklace crafted for 'Grace' and nobody else... She was always on his mind..."

"She’s so happy to see him omg I love them."

"Yes. Everybody's talking about Tommy being in love with her but Grace was so in love with him too. ❤"

"They are perfection. This scene is just absolute cathartic perfection. From the fact she RUNS to greet him to the way that Mary admonishes her like a Mother. Arrow House was so fucking happy once. This was the life they deserved, he arrives home dead on his feet after being held hostage and he doesn't give a fuck because he's home. The way she's so excited for the letter is contagious and he cares, he genuinely CARES. He's not sat there mutely as she talks to him, he doesn't stop her from talking or distract her or come onto her. He sits and listens. He's just infatuated with her the - 'yes I am. I am.' Then the good wife comment and he's just like 'No.' Don't want a good wife, I just want you. It's just such a raw, intimate moment and the thought that this happened every time she came home soothes my little broken heart. How anyone can say she wasn't the love of his life or the best thing that ever happened to him I have no clue. She gave up her entire life for him and they built an empire in those two short years. Killing her off was a travesty and such a waste of both the character and the actress. Tommy was made to be with Grace and when she died, he died with her. He never recovered. Not with Lizzie or with the children, nobody. On a cold, dark lonely night it will be back here that he goes. Not back to his wife."

"The way he looks at her when he comes in 😩🥺🥺 it was a bad day but he knew she was home waiting on him 🥰🥰"

"She brought out the good and saw him as a man despite his power and position. They loved the parts of each other no one else truly did. His face lights up when she’s around no matter what. She was the one for him, nice to see that soft side of him."

"One of my fovourite scenes. They look so happy, paceful, soft...I miss their relationship😍"

"I really want her to come back... their chemistry is no joke... i want them to have their happily ever after."

"If Grace is in his arms then everything is alright for Tommy."

"I believe Grace's name is allegorical, since Tommy was the most happy n closest to peace while she was around him, which was for a very short time. The only 'grace' in his damned life."

"Thanks for uploading this scene. I loved when there were scenes of Grace and Tommy in their bedroom. I luv when Tommy said to Grace " come here" , so powerful, like I am your man and you are my woman. Also notice how that bedroom was set up so warm and romantic . The set crew really took time in creating this loving bedroom."

"She was his everything and his queen! He was at peace with her in his arms."

"So many people hating on Grace, but she was one of the few who called him out on his shit and snapped him out of his funk. She had seen him at his worst, when he was but a shell of a man striving to rise to the top. He was always most vulnerable around her and didn't bother hiding his true self because of this . The other women wouldn't have batted an eye at him, had he not been rich or influential."

"The change in him after 'tomorrow it will be just us'. He gives a little breath before calling her over like, 'just us' I've survived the day, now just the night and then 'just us'. Just us was all he ever wanted."

"This was the only time when he was at peace. With grace. The moment she died he was never the same."

"Man she is all he ever wanted. 🥺"

"When grace died Tommy was never really happy the rest of the show."

"This was the again after her death its clear that he will never love again, he will never be the person he was when he had her😔."

"I love how her name was Grace, since grace is the one thing Tom needed in his life and made him graceful to others- and when Grace was gone, grace was also gone out of his heart."

"Those words, and the context of who is saying them, make this scene a flawless example of what makes a man and a woman, together, creating something that wasn't there before."

"He was so full of happiness and joy 🥹."

"0:53 "Promise me, hm? A wedding vow". It melts my heart when she asks this, being so in love."

"The acting is incredible, especially her being in love with him. It feels so real, and the piano music elevates this; it emphasises their intimacy. Her love is so honest and pure."

"This scene kills me every time. They were just perfection. That smile at 1:40. The negotiated dance. The softness in him 😭 why she had to die I’ll never know. She could have been such an incredible instrument in the show. Amazing actress and character."

"Adore this scene. So beautiful and sweet."

I cried when she died , they were just perfect together. The only time Tommy was happy was with Grace."

"The part that killed me was after Grace was shot and she was dying in Tommy’s arms and they cut to a wide shot and we could see her almost caressing his back, soothing his pain as she died. Maybe it wasn’t intentional but, it was a very powerful touch before they cut away. Such a fantastic show…"

"Grace was his one and only❤…he was never the same without her."

"Their relationship from beginning to end gave me chills. They did so well with these characters and their chemistry and sexual tension."

"tommy explicitly said he doesn't believe in God, and confessing to grace in a church is something i perceived that she is the only one he believes in and will save him from his sins... grace is tommy's religion ❤️‍🔥"

"The chemistry between these two, Cillian Murphy and Annabelle Wallis, is electric. Fantastic actor & actress because I'm shocked they're not married in real life with how great this is. I wish they'd get more couple roles together! Another on-screen couple in recent times I've seen with this electric chemistry is Brandon Sklenar and Julia Schlaepfer in 1923, this stuff is mesmerizing to me."

"S1 is my all time favourite. Tommy and Grace were so special. This conversation was absolutely brilliant, pureness of their emotions (symbolised by the church) amidst the lies and dangers lurking over their heads. Her presence was heavily missed in s6.😢"

"Season 1 and 2 are the highlights of deep storytelling and fantastic writing. After that the story starts to get convoluted and it is the fantastic acting that keeps people hooked."

"A brilliant scene, simple yet melancholic. They spoke so succinctly, to the point that each and every word spoken is like its weight in gold. It's just so mesmerising."

"I think that’s the sweetest on screen kiss I’ve seen yet 🥲."

"I’m still so bitter about her death 😭 I know that Tommy isn’t meant to be happy, but I would’ve loved to see Grace’s character grow alongside Tommy’s. I also think that Grace, Ada, and Polly would’ve created an amazing bond and relationship. And they would’ve been lethal for the Peaky Blinders organization. When Mosley said to Tommy that he wanted to sleep with Lizzie when Tommy invited him over to Lizzie’s bday party ballet celebration, I’ve always wondered what Tommy’s reaction would’ve been if instead of Lizzie, it was Grace who Mosley wanted to sleep with. I’m sure he would’ve lost his marbles right then and there. Grace just brought out a different side of Tommy and I love seeing that contrast in a character (the good, the bad and the ugly ). Can’t wait for the movie, though! It’s going to be EPIC!"

"I want to cry, they were so pure when they allow their feelings to flow 💓😭💕".

"Grace and Tommy...A match made in heaven❤️."

"Tommy's swith was completly off after her death,he was never the same."

"I love so much these two together. ♥"

"I love them and miss them the most a lot."

"I loved every scene Tommy and Grace were with each other. They had great chemistry together. This couple could have had so much potential but instead the writer decided to break Tommy's heart and soul so early and make him live in hell for the rest of his life. 😭So sad."

"Poor Tommy she was perfect for him and her death tore him apart."

"I want to see them together, please give us a proper closure in the movie."

"I think it was wrong to have Lizzie and Tommy together afterwards. Grace was the high standard. No other female character can replicate Tommy and Grace’s chemistry."

"Here it is shown that Grace is always going to be the great love of his life. His mind is so damaged that just imagining Grace's ghost brings him to a state of peace, because she is the only one who can make him feel better."

"When she embraced him I was ready to burst into tears. Just bring her back! 🥺."

"Maybe my heart broke all over again."

"She is the love of Tommy's life and the love for his life too. Tommy was a romantic guy who laughed, but because of the trauma of war he became a gangster to take the pressure and survive. He never loved this life, he lives like this because it is the only way. In addition to making him forget the terror of war, she was the only one to present an alternative (for 2x). He would be happy and could work with horses and cars legally without worry."

"i think this is the best scene in the entire show... I was very moved by it and i rarely get moved by anything...it captured beautifully how alone tom is ... opiates by the fire talking to his wife's ghost..i can't think of anything more lonely."

"0:55 his little smile when she starts to speak. so sad 💔."

"Grace is Tommy’s only love ❤️ I miss Grace so much 🥺🥺."

"True fooking love. No one can come close to Grace periodt. Give her a fooking role already".

"Look how relieved Tommy looked for a sec when he was embracing her 😥."

"I loved the chemistry between Tommy and Grace and I wanted to see more of Tommy and Grace and I was heartbroken when she died cause I wanted her to be with Tommy till the end of the series but sadly she had to die for the sake of storyline but still she’s my fav female character in the whole series. Tbh Annabelle is really so beautiful and gorgeous that she can make anyone fall in love with her".

"Lizzie is no where close to grace..I really wished she got to play a double role..."

"they were made for each other."

"Best scene in the series ever. the most happiest, normal, and peaceful moment Tommy ever had."

"Admit it, we all wanted this wedding to happen as soon as he met grace."

"When the tune kicked in after revealing it was Grace. Amazing."

"4:02 lol tommy wanted to kiss her forever, Grace had to be like "enough" love their love."

"The happiest days of Thomas life!"

*The shelby family is so happy that day."

"Finally!! he really loved her i was afraid they are not gonna get married."

"Tooo much love in this episode ❤"

"Tommy was so lost after poor Grace died."

This has to be one of the happiest moments in Tommy's life."

"Never saw Tommy happier and more complete than at this moment."

"His smile at 0.12 is ❤"

"Cillian Murphy said it best “There’s always a sense of healing when he’s with Grace, but that healing goes away very quickly”"

"I am so glad that someone posted this.. this scene is beautiful. For once Tommy is happy.. like really happy. It's nice that they showed one scene like this in the series. I really wanted to see that since they fell in love."

"Tommy loved his wife and son so much, poor guy lost his true happiness."

Dedicated to every Grace fan. People love them, just like all of us, Team Grace!

#tommy x grace #tommy shelby #grace shelby #grace burgess #cillian murphy #annabelle wallis #thomas shelby #tommy x grace forever #tommy and grace #team grace #peaky blinders

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ndotmov · 5 months ago

Text

My Rose Quartz / Pink Diamond defense Initially a sociology report

@pearlhoardingdragon - since you wanted to know what I wrote for my Uni sociology class based on my previous post, here ya go:

"From Abused to “Abuser”: An Analysis of Pink Diamond from a Sociological Perspective

DISCLAIMER: While the fact that the Diamonds received a redemption arc, despite being intergalactic dictators, is a major gripe with fans (including myself) of Steven Universe, storyboard artist Hilary Florido stated in a podcast that the depiction of the Diamond Authority was suppose to be more akin to a "conservative rule-following family…” (Steven Universe Podcast, Volume 3, Episode 2 [EXTRACT▶], source). For the sake of the paper, I will be discussing the Diamond family dynamic from a “conservative rule-following family” standpoint and not from a corrupt Institutional perspective.

No matter what social, economic, or political background a person comes from, if they experience Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), they will develop some form(s) of trauma. Sometimes, victims of abuse, no matter the intent, harm others because of unhealed trauma, low-self esteem, and unhealthy survival habits. The case can be made for Pink Diamond (Rose Quartz), the deuteragonist of Steven Universe by Rebecca Sugar (she/they). Steven Universe is the story of the titular character, Steven Universe’s adventures on Earth as he fights monsters alongside the Crystal Gems. Gems are a sexless but female-presenting, alien race known for colonizing planets in their solar system and are ruled under “The Great Diamond Authority”, which consists of White Diamond, Yellow Diamond, Blue Diamond, and formerly Pink Diamond. Steven is the son of Pink Diamond (known as Rose Quartz) and throughout the show, we see Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz’s character develop backwards; the more Steven learns about the true identity of his mother, the more he is determined to no longer be like her, but to be better than her, to which Pink Diamond herself wanted for Steven to be. Because of this backwards development, many viewers misunderstand the complexities of Pink Diamond’s character and how she is neither evil nor good. However, despite her desire for breaking the generational cycle of abuse, Pink unintentionally is a part of the unhealthy Relationship Spectrum and inflicts trauma onto others due to her unhealed ACEs. While she may appear as an “abuser” to some, Pink Diamond is an example of a character defined by self-surveillance to the point of traumatizing others because she had a poor relationship with herself.

While the Diamonds had cared for and loved Pink, they were more concerned about maintaining their society’s status quo than understanding Pink, which led to Pink’s ACEs. Pink Diamond is undeniably a victim of Family Violence and power over relationships. The first instance of abuse we see Pink endure is in Jungle Moon when Pink Diamond is with Yellow Diamond and demands for a colony of her own, much like a child demanding for a new toy. She tells Yellow Diamond, a mother figure, that she deserves to have a colony like the rest of the Diamonds because she is just as important as them, but to her dismay, Yellow grabs her arm and tells her to act as expected of her. Yellow’s condescension is felt again in Familiar when Steven tries challenging Yellow into self-reflection, to which the former waves off Steven’s concerns and claims how “[Pink] always…[had]...a knack for making [others] laugh” and how Pink is “almost worth the trouble”, displaying a history of disregard and belittling towards Pink. Fans of the show often like to suggest that Blue Diamond is the “nicest” of the Authority, and perhaps a saving grace in Pink’s abuse, because of her explicit mourning for Pink when she thought Pink had been shattered, but fans fail to recognize that Blue Diamond was just as abusive as her counterparts because she actively upheld their family’s conservatism. As seen in Together Alone and Change Your Mind, whenever Pink acted in a way that was considered “unruly” by her parents, or the Diamond Authority’s standards, she would be thrown into an almost-windowless tower for long periods of time to “reflect” on her behavior. Due to the need that gems have for light, doing this would be akin to depriving a child of food as a punishment. As well, isolating a child only instills distrust in others, and the ability to be vulnerable with others is slowly diminished as the child matures. Pink Diamond had no support system and through deep-rooted memory, we see that it was Blue Diamond who would enter the tower and gaslight Pink Diamond for her “immature” behavior. Another instance we see her criticize Pink is in Can’t Go Back, in which Steven witnesses Blue Diamond scorn Pink Diamond for coming up with “excuses” for why she did not want to complete the colonization of Earth after begging for one for so long. While it seems Yellow and Blue Diamond are emotionally dismissive towards Pink, their acts of emotional negligence are overshadowed by White Diamond’s attitude towards Pink. In regards to White Diamond, we get subtle hints as to how White Diamond treated Pink in Legs from Here to Homeworld and Change Your Mind, when White Diamond senses Steven is back on Homeworld (their gem society), she brings him to her. Steven attempts to converse with White, but is constantly interrupted and condescendingly questioned if he “got everything out of [his] system”. Furthermore, White’s disdain for Pink is revealed in Change Your Mind when she admits that Pink is the part of her “she always wants to repress”. In this scenario, White Diamond’s language is reminiscent of a mother who sees too many of the features she dislikes about herself in Pink, and as a result, this bitterness leads to generational trauma and a lack of support for Pink Diamond’s upbringing. By the examples we’ve seen, whenever Pink Diamond tried advocating for herself, she was immediately shut down.

This self-advocacy worsens when Pink Diamond assumes the form of Rose Quartz to momentarily experience life on Earth and soon recognizes that her initial colonization of the planet is taking life away, instead of creating something from nothing. As Pink Diamond, she tries turning towards Yellow and Blue Diamond for support, but the two turn their backs on Pink Diamond, causing her to resort to extreme measures for the sake of attention–starting a civil war. Pink Diamond’s sense of entitlement comes from a place of insecurity and neglect because in Familiar, prior to receiving a colony, Pink’s only role was to entertain (hence her jester-like outfit) and throw extravagant parties for the other diamond’s accomplishments. This example of self-surveillance established a deep level of resentment and insecurity towards her place in society because she had no accomplishments of her own, nor respect from her family, therefore is the reason why Pink Diamond begged for a colony of her own–she thought owning a colony would garner the respect and attention she’s been denied her whole life, and as such, did not consider the consequences of her actions. As Rose Quartz, however, Pink began to view life from a different perspective as she experienced new situations–like Garnet’s fusion in The Answer.

In The Answer, we see Pink Diamond as Rose Quartz realize that the people around her experience sonder (e.g., Garnet who is composed of Ruby and Sapphire’s desire to live their lives together), causing her to shift her mission in protecting life on Earth to advocating for gems’ freedom to self-express, which is her genuine attempt at trying to break generational trauma by establishing something new. However, her method was extremely selfish because even though she lacked the proper support from the Diamonds, Pink Diamond still incited a civil war in order to protect her creation, causing numerous casualties, including those that she loved. This callous, unhealed nature displays an unspoken justification that some abuse victims that experience emotional dysregulation have: “I am hurt so everything else does not matter”. But below the surface of Pink’s selfishness lies self-hatred, to which is the true reason as to why she started a civil war; often ACEs create internalized narratives of being the abuser, causing self-blame to turn into self-hatred. Rose Quartz hated herself so much that she literally and metaphorically waged war on herself in order to be detached from her childhood trauma and subsequently, old identity. This harm towards herself extends towards others as she becomes a self-fulling prophecy of abuse, starting with her Pearls.

Before it was revealed that the Crystal Gem, Pearl was Pink Diamond’s Pearl, Pink Diamond had Pink Pearl. As briefly shown in Together Alone, Pink Pearl was Pink’s first servant. Pink Diamond did not view her Pearls as such and would often seek personal advice from them, which went against her status as a Diamond. However, while Pink Diamond was kind to her first Pearl, she would often have unchecked temper tantrums, to the point of one day physically lashing out at Pink Pearl because she was denied a colony (Volleyball, Steven Universe). The event was so traumatic to both Pink Diamond and Pink Pearl that we see a shift in attitude and appearance (respectively), with subtle hints as to how the Diamonds would weaponize Pink Diamond’s behavior against her—Blue Diamond threatening to “take away her new Pearl” in Change Your Mind, a classic example of authoritative abuse. Pink Diamond is afraid of treating her new Pearl like an individual for a while as she is fearful of repeating her past mistakes, but is given the opportunity to when she assumes the identity of Rose Quartz, an identity that was presented to her by Pearl (Now We’re Only Falling Apart). The two were intoxicated by this new form as it allowed Pink Diamond to escape her responsibilities. Her escapist behavior is most prominently seen in her relationship with Greg in We Need to Talk .

The episode We Need to Talk highlights Rose Quartz’s inability to view others as equals because of her identity issues. Rose first meets Greg in Story for Steven, and the two are enamored with each other and develop a superficial relationship. As stated by Pearl in We Need to Talk, Greg is one of many humans Rose has “played” with and like a phase, she’ll be over him eventually because he is ultimately not a gem and cannot “fuse” with her. While harsh, Pearl’s words are later confirmed to be true as Greg tries to deeply connect with Rose, but his attempt is laughed off with a “You’re a human…that’s not a problem, I love humans, you’re all so funny…”. From this line, we see that Greg is just another part of Rose’s escapist fantasy–at this point, she is free from the Diamonds and living out her life with her newly found family in Beach City. Rose truly loves Greg, but does not understand relationships with others beyond a surface level; when Greg challenges Rose to talk to him like a “real person”, Rose is stunned and admits she’s “not a real person”. For so long, Rose has relied on others for advice (the Diamonds; Pearl, and Garnet with her future vision and wisdom as mentioned in the episode and in Now We’re only Falling Apart) that she lacked confidence within herself, hence why she was taken aback by Greg’s confrontation. For the first time, someone made Rose look introspectively, which is healthy boundary setting, but unfortunately, when Rose begins to question herself and recognize her past wrongdoings, Greg admits in Steven’s Dream that he told her that what matters is who she is now, which is not unsound advice, but did not allow for Rose to continue taking personal accountability for the pain she’s inflicted.

Given the fact that Rose Quartz is an escapist identity Pink Diamond assumed, a small portion of her still cared for the Diamonds, which ultimately caused the fallout between her and a trusted friend–Bismuth. Before Amethyst joined the Crystal Gems, Bismuth was a prominent member of Rose’s entourage. Bismuth, like many gems, was fed into this master narrative of the Diamond Authority without questioning Rose Quartz herself. Eager to end the war and tear down their oppressive establishment, Bismuth presented Rose the “Breaking Point”, which was a weapon meant to shatter the Diamonds; it was viewed as a “radical solution” and because Rose still felt an instinctual and complicated attachment to the Diamonds, as seen in victims of childhood trauma, she fought Bismuth and “bubbled” her, vowing to never speak of her again (until Bismuth was unbubbled by Steven in Bismuth). Silencing Bismuth was one of Rose’s/Pink’s worst moments and does qualify her under the abusive category because she deceived Bismuth, and the rest of the Crystal Gems, on who she really was. The argument for her abusive behavior is added onto when looking at the case of Spinel.

First debuting in the Steven Universe Movie, Spinel was made to be Pink Diamond’s coping mechanism, but as we know in Week 12: Interpersonal Violence, not all coping mechanisms are effective. Shortly after harming Pink Pearl and before receiving a colony, Pink Diamond fell into a depressive episode. Instead of assisting Pink in managing her emotions, the Diamonds gave her a Spinel, or an entertainer, as a gift. For a while, Pink enjoyed Spinel’s company, but had little regard for her, as eventually Pink received her own colony and new Pearl, causing her to only consider her own emotions and momentarily conform as a ruler as a means of survival and satisfying the desires of her parents (again, whenever she attempted to self-express, she was thrown into an almost-windowless tower or berated). Pink Diamond did not want to outright hurt Spinel, so she tricked the unknowing gem into “playing a game” for 6,000 years, or the entirety of Steven Universe post-Pink Diamond’s “shattering”. This abandonment was prior to Pink Diamond witnessing Garnet’s fusion in The Answer, so she truly believed gems other than Diamonds had no intellect or free will, aside from their basic programming. Despite Pink’s desire to spare Spinel from harm, and belief that Spinel could not be harmed, Spinel developed severe abandonment and attachment issues, vowing to harm the Earth and kill Steven. Eventually, Steven learns to understand Spinel’s backstory and talk out the situation (his main go-to method of healing and resolving conflict), which in itself magnifies the major issue fans have with Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz: they believe Rose Quartz created Steven as her scapegoat, which couldn’t be further from the truth..

Yes, throughout the events of Steven Universe, Steven unjustly had to deal with the repercussions of Pink Diamond’s actions, almost to the point of death on several occasions, but to say that fixing her mistakes was Steven’s purpose misconstrues who Rose Quartz became and why she had Steven in the first place. From what we know in Greg the Babysitter, Rose Quartz loved humans and envied their ability to change and grow up; she believed that was the greatest power of all. In both a selfish and selfless act, Rose gave up her physical form so that she could make something new and good out of her life on Earth. Given her lack of confidence in herself and self-hatred, Rose truly believed Steven could love her family in a way in which she never knew how because he was a “fresh start”. Rose would not have had steven if she knew the threat of Homeworld and the Diamonds was still imminent, hence her decision to settle down with Greg and record Steven a loving goodbye message in Lion 3: Straight to Video. We can also cite Rose’s consciousness as evidence that she did not have Steven so she could avoid her problems; in Storm in the Room, Steven challenges the contentious belief of Rose having him so he can deal with her problems. Because Rose gave up her physical form, but not consciousness, she was able to manifest to Steven in their room and rejected his insecurities by affirming that she did love him as everything in her tape to Steven was true. While I personally don’t agree with Steven accepting the fact that he does have to deal with her issues, it goes along with the show’s underlying theme of attempting to break the generational trauma cycle. Regardless of whether or not Steven was born, we see in The Return, The Cluster, and Reunited, the Diamonds were planning on destroying Earth from the inside out with a planted time bomb deep within the Earth’s mantle, and if that failed to work, personally deal with the remaining gems themselves. In this case, because Steven was unlike his mother and focused on confronting his issues head on, valued self-love and established healthy boundaries, he was able to save Earth and dismantle the Diamond Authority and their imperialist empire, something Pink Diamond was unable to do in her lifetime.

To conclude, Pink Diamond was a deeply flawed individual that was an unintentional, self-fulfilling prophecy; she harmed the ones she cared for, but had done so in a way that evades responsibility and accountability–assuming a new identity. Her careless and inconsiderate nature formed because of the ACEs she had endured from the Diamond Authority, resulting in a deep level of self-hatred that fueled a civil war between her people and family. Not to mention, her unfinished business unjustly transferred onto Steven, but to her credit, Rose truly did not anticipate her past coming back to Steven–she did not anticipate much of the future without seeking advice from others. While her troubled upbringing is an explanation as to why Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz lied to and inflicted pain on others, including herself, it is not an excuse. Even though Pink Diamond was struggling to voice herself to the Diamonds, she could have taken accountability by being open about her past with the Crystal Gems before having Steven. However, despite her unhealthy behavior, Pink Diamond was not an active abuser as we must consider the entire context. Pink Diamond most closely resembles an unhealed victim of ACEs that struggled with identity issues, self-worth, and unhealthy views of the world around her, but tried handling the situations in her life the ways she knew how.

Sources:

(the rest of the sources were for my assignment and relating to my school)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Zqn56rVWAoy-UjwDDSWrk-ydTmvNFJri2mitK2kQg9U/edit - Hilary Florido quote source."

#steven universe #steven universe discourse #pink diamond #su fanart #rose quartz #pearl #spinel #greg universe #ramblings #bismuth

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hotvintagepoll · 10 months ago

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Propaganda

Gene Tierney (Laura, The Ghost and Mrs Muir, Leave Her to Heaven)— The class, the elegance. The way she walks into frame and immediately all focus is on her. She had a pretty lengthy struggle with mental health that she describes in her book, which I think made her all the more sensitive in portraying characters like in leave her to heaven. Also she dumped JFK so

Moira Shearer (The Red Shoes)— Moira Shearer is one of the most awe-inspiring dancers ever put to screen. Watching her performance in 'The Red Shoes' changed my fucking life. When I saw her in 'Peeping Tom' it was one of the most anxiety-inducing experiences I've ever had watching a film. Moira Shearer was not only an actress who can make you feel, she's an actress who can make you feel *desperately afraid* for her. An all-time favourite for horror, dance, and just her /presence/, man.

This is round 2 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Gene Tierney:

The entire plot of Laura is that a guy has to become completely obsessed with a woman after just seeing her portrait. This only works because Gene was cast in the role. I 10000% believe anyone could fall in love after seeing her face.

Those eyes! Just look at those eyes! She’s at her hottest in Leave Her To Heaven— I literally want her to ruin my life.

Absolute grade-A babe, she is the perfection incarnate.

Gene Tierney was beautiful, poised, intense. I associate her with roles where she was murderous or an intelligent woman being patronized to - like a woman on the edge! As far as I am concerned, she deserved to do whatever she wanted.

She had a slight overbite which was amazingly sexy, and a throaty voice that was very memorable as well. She’s terrific in Laura, which reminds me I should watch it again.

EYES!! Her diabolical acting in Leave Her to Heaven is just perfect, Rosamund Pike definitely took notes for her Gone Girl from her.

Oscar-nominated and simply one of the most beautiful women to ever walk this Earth.

Absolutely stunning. In Leave Her to Heaven, she reaches Rosamund-Pike-in-Gone-Girl levels of “holy fucking shit?!?!?!” She had a fling with JFK in the ‘40s and also dated the exes of Rita Hayworth and Hedy Lamarr (Prince Aly Khan and W. Howard Lee, respectively). Sadly, her daughter was born with a disability (during a time in which there were few good mainstream options for disabled children and their parents), likely because of a fan who was sick with measles and went out of her way to meet Tierney (who was pregnant) anyway. Topical! Sure would be good if people stayed home when they were sick! Anyway, she was also a Republican, which sucks. Laura and Leave Her to Heaven are great viewing though.

Moira Shearer:

[editor's note: if your TWs include death, body horror, or general freaky stuff, go forward with caution with the videos. Enjoy!]

Scottish flame-haired professional ballerina who made a successful move into films with ballet classic "The Red Shoes" and several other films. The best way to convey her beauty and grace is to see her in motion so gifsets are attached.

Gifset 1

Gifset 2

Gifset 3

Please check her out as Olympia in The Tales of Hoffmann, it's one of my favourite examples of automata ballet and she's so awesome in it

youtube

Her performance in 'The Red Shoes' (if you ever have the opportunity to see this on the big screen, TAKE IT.)

youtube

#moira shearer #gene tierney #hotvintagepoll #fuck that old woman #ladies 2 #Youtube

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olderthannetfic · 7 months ago

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/751445319499317248/httpsolderthannetfictumblrcompost75113540651

She did not "basically write fanfic about Unit 731", and that's exactly the weird sort of game of telephone that led to her being relentlessly harassed by people who had not even read the book (there were claims that it was set in WWII, because the 'Unit 731 fanfic' lie was spread so far that people only heard that and decided to jump on the bandwagon) and decided she deserved to be publicly eviscerated for it.

From what the author has actually said about her inspirations for the book, she started writing it years before she found out that the ghost stories she was told as a child by her grandfather (who lived through the occupation) were about a real, specific atrocity, rather than just broadly about colonization--which makes sense considering the only part that seems directly inspired by Unit 731 is revealed near the end of the book and is the major twist that ultimately carves the scales from the MCs eyes with respect to the enemy prince in question.

Also, she didn't 'whitewash' the Japanese, and that kind of claim is really galling because would it actually have been better if she'd based the Evil Empire on Japan instead? Would that really have gotten people off her back? (And in fact I can very easily understand why someone whose family lived through such a brutal occupation would want to get some distance in a story that is partially processing those feelings and experiences by not modeling the Evil Empire directly after the country that brutalized her own; especially since a significant portion of the story involves the main character having very complicated feelings for the prince of the Evil Empire.)

If you want to talk about the writing not being great or your belief that the author didn't achieve what she set out to, that's fine, although I gather from this ask that you haven't actually read the book, which is at minimum a prerequisite to talk with authority about how any given topic or plot point is or isn't handled. I, personally, think it's incredibly tone-deaf to police how someone else writes about their own cultural heritage and family history with oppression and colonization, and that is very much how so much of this criticism comes across, especially considering how much of it is from people who fully admit to not at the least reading the book to form their own opinions about it. And for some reason, this form of criticism seems to be aimed disproportionately at authors of color, who are given much less grace and freedom to be just kinda mid or handle things poorly than white authors.

(Just as an example, I've never seen anyone call Avatar: the Last Airbender 'basically CCP fanfic' even though the fantasy prison where political dissidents/troublemakers are tossed to be tortured/brainwashed into compliance in Ba Sing Se is literally named Lake Laogai, after the Chinese political prisons/labor camps.)

Yeah, that last part is the crux of it, isn't it? People need a little room to work on their craft. More marginalized creators, indie creators, and people working on media with smaller audiences are afforded less. White dudes making TV shows are afforded a whole lot. Seems like it would be fairer the other way around!

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rodentontheloose · 8 months ago

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Fuck it.

If you hate on Rashta and call her Trashta, you’re kind of totally missing the point. Is she a person who has done some really bad, really fucked up and selfish things? 100%. But I’m real tired of people reducing her to a greedy homewrecker because she is a FASCINATING character.

Like girly literally found the one way the escape slavery and took it. You can really see it in S1, the way her text bubble change to be cutesy and flowery when she talks to Sovieshu, her bubbly attitude, etc. Sovieshu does not get nearly enough hate for the way he infantilized and idealized Rashta into a younger, more naive version of Navier because he didn’t like how serious and mature Navier was (because she’s an ADULT), and how he blamed all of their fertility problems on Navier and threw her away so he could have an heir rather than work with both of them to find a solution.

She’s desperate and the pressure she has to be a good empress, a good mother, and to keep herself from being found out is actually driving her mad, and it’s really tragic to see how Sovieshu is willing to just… let her lose her mind. Because it serves him to get rid of his accident wife. And like she’s suffered so much that she’s lashing out to make others suffer as well, and she so desperately needs help to stay afloat. She’s by no means a good person; she’s ordered deaths, she lies, and she is fully willing to hurt others to get her way. But she’s also trapped in a snake pit where no one has ever been willing to help her out. If anything, it’s understandable WHY she so easily hurts others.

Sovieshu is the real villain to me. He threw away a perfectly happy marriage and married someone because she was pretty and childlike and reminded him of his actual wife without even talking to his actual wife. He then tossed Rashta into the deep end, unable to even really READ, and expected her to sit quietly while her heritage and legitimacy as a concubine and later empress was called into question. Sovieshu completely ignores Rashta and her needs at times in S3, treating her like she’s some horrible problem thrust upon him and not the mother of his (supposed) child who he consciously divorced his wife for. He schemed to have Glorym taken away from Rashta permanently because she was suffering from PPD and the trauma of having believed to have lost her first child. And yet Rashta is wrong for having these issues in the first place?

It bugs me how people are willing to extend every grace to Navier and Heinrey but not even a moments thought to Rashta. Nobody considers that Navier runs a nation that allows slavery, and we never hear her thoughts and opinions about it beyond that she knows it exists. Heinrey sabotaged an entire nation’s mages in order to set himself up to start a war to conquer it. They are by no means perfect people, and yet there is no additional thought about the implications and characters of these two because they’re “the good guys.”

In conclusion, Rashta is a really well written, truly interesting character, but she gets so much undeserved criticism because she’s the “rival” and yall are really doing her a disservice. She is definitely deserving of some criticism, as she is definitely not a good person, but she is not greedy or outright evil. Her spiral is real, and she’s a very full and interesting character—and a great foil to Navier. I hoped maybe Ep. 173 would help some of yall haters to see the Rashta Truther Light but here we are.

#the remarried empress #rashta #empress navier #heinrey alles lazlo #sovieshu #justice for Rashta #rant post

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lovemyromance · 2 months ago

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"All fated mates end up together and it's happily ever after."

Yeah that doesn't hold true if the author herself writes that Rhys & Tamlin's parents didn't have luck with their mating bond. She couldn't written them as just an unhappy marriage, arranged marriage (like LoA & Beron, Mor & Eris almost)... but she made them MATES.

Doesn't matter if they're abusive. If fate was ALL that mattered - SJM wouldn't have even included that little tidbit.

Why create a universe where all mates get together and then show us not one but two instances of mates being together and being miserable?

If fate is right every time - then there would be ZERO instances of a mating bond gone wrong. Abusive people wouldn't deserve partners - point blank.

Like you're telling me mates are so rare and a perfect pairing of souls - but fate decided to deal such a gift out to a BAD PERSON? What's more - Fate decided to PUNISH a good person by pairing them up with an abuser?

That's what you're oh so great romantic standard of fated mates love implies??? That's fucked. I'm sorry - I'm not afraid to say that's a CRAZY message to send.

What's more / SJM wrote that not all mates pairings work out in the same conversation about Feyre questioning Elain & Lucien's mating bond.

Regardless of what you want to believe about Elucien - that is a damning factor.

Their entire idea of Elucien depends on the fact that they are mates. If they weren't revealed to be mates already - nobody would have read their already limited interactions and come to the conclusion that "yeah ... these guys are giving 'mates'".

Don't tell me I'm wrong. We have been given nothing about their relationship or compatibility during interactions to show us this couple has chemistry and would fit well together.

You can sit here and pull out a screenshot from 2015, you can sit here and fantasize about Lucien clicking with the kind of social butterfly Elain was at age 13 (bc yeah people never change from their preeeten selves) ....

But nothing on the page - not even a wayward thought about the couple from her sisters or friends and family - has done anything to suggest this couple is compatible. In fact, MULTIPLE characters have done the opposite. They have questioned their bond and pointed out how uncomfortable Elain & Lucien are around each other.

Just because Lucien allegedly "fucks like fire" whateva that means and SJM said once they'd like nature together (btw she also said Tamlin was her favorite just the year before) ... doesn't mean even SJM is planning for them to be together.

Not when everything she has done SINCE they've been declared mates has been against Elucien. The only saving grace of the Elucien ship has always been "but they're mates!"

And even that shit went up in flames the moment SJM said sometimes mates don't work out.

If that wasn't enough - SJM continued to write this couple to have the most uncomfortable stiff interactions for the next 3 books.

She continued to have OTHER characters even witness their reluctance to be near each other.

She continued to go on talk shows, give her stamp of approval interviews that all talked about when fate pairs you with the wrong person, about wanting to explore a rejected mating bond.

There has been so much evidence against Elucien that I'm convinced even the people that cling to the "but they're mates " excuse know they're on a sinking lifeboat.

Literally WHO ELSE could the rejected mates theory be about if not the ONLY unacceptable mating bond we have in the series??

Why would it NOT be about Elain & Lucien is the real question.

"Because Lucien isn't abusive"

Ok... and yall the same people who think the rejected mating bond is about helion & LoA... don't tell me you think that Helion is abusive now...

Face the facts! It's not too late to take the clown makeup off folks

#elriel #acotar #elain x azriel #elain archeron #azriel #pro elain #elain #antielucien #pro elriel

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nikethestatue · 3 months ago

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Hello there!

A bit new to fandom and I do apologize in advance if this has already been addressed in a previous post but what are your thoughts on when Elucien fans say that both Lucien and Elain are very similar? Personally, I think Elain and Azriel are more similar but my bigger issue with this is that it does not matter how similar two people are. If they aren’t into each other romantically, you should take it at face value versus trying to force them together. It’s a bit frustrating to see this so often-their personalities match, they are mates, she needs to give him a chance because he is a good male who deserves happiness, etc. I truly do not understand this fandom, tbh.

Thanks in advance for your much appreciated insight.

Hi Anon,

I think the mistake in this whole 'these two characters are similar' discussions is that it's not the similarity that's important, it's compatibility.

You don't have to be similar to be happy and to have a great relationship (one of the big problems with dating apps I think is that it's doing exactly that--looking for similarities between people, assuming that if both like sports and sushi, they'll make a great match), but you have to be compatible.

Yeah, on the surface, Elain and Lucien might have some commonalities--kind of the ignored and forgotten children in their families. Both at ease in social situations. Both polite and gracious (most of the time). But the funny thing is, exactly the same thing could be said about Elain and Azriel. In fact, the same WAS said about them--Elain and Azriel, the only polite ones. Azriel, graceful as any courtier. "Rhys could make Azriel a Prince of Velaris...' "No, Elain was his princess'.

But that's not the most important thing, even though of course SJM put all of it in the books for a reason. Note how Feyre never said that Elain would cling to Lucien...

But I think the important thing to remember is that compatibility isn't based on mutual likeness. Cassian and Nesta have NO similarities, but they are compatible. Lorcan and Elide have even fewer similarities, but they are drawn to each other and are compatible.

Lucien was in love with Jesminda. Thought even that they might be mates --they were very different in many ways, but obviously he found her vivacious nature very appealing.

At the same time, Azriel, for example, seemed to have loved Mor, but they are incredibly incompatible. Whether it's when she had to MAKE him, BEG him, CAJOLE him into things, or her being part of the group that gives him headaches, or them just being completely different temperament-wise and having almost nothing to say to each other, despite both being warriors, both being in the IC, having knowing each other for literal ages, etc. It interesting that it translates to friendships as well--Rhys and Azriel seemed to be fairly similar in many ways, yet they are not compatible. Azriel loves him as a brother, but I don't get the sense that they just adore each other. Whereas Cassian, who seems to be very different from Azriel has a much, much closer relationship to him, and Rhys as well.

It's a fallacy which is pretty popular in this fandom --they are so similar, they must be a romantic pairing! Look, Gwyn and Az are both Carynthians! They are so similar. Whereas Azriel kept thinking to himself how he can escape the interaction with her. Whereas with Elain, who certainly isn't a Carynthian, he could sit for hours, listening to her garden plans.

I think all we need to know is that Elriel have a mutual understanding that doesn't even require words. That's a high level of emotional connection. Pretty much the highest--to be able to understand the other person just by sensing subtle changes in them. And Elriel already have that.

#elriel #pro elriel

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rise-my-angel · 9 months ago

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Heart of the Great Wolf

44 - Greenish White Bloodraven

Pairing: Jon Snow x F!Baratheon!Reader, Robb Stark x F!Baratheon!Reader (Past)

Length: 16.2

Warnings: angst/hurt comfort, past character deaths, trauma related insecurities, alcohol consumption, discussions of pregnancy and miscarriages

Notes: So, what do we think the wider reaction everyone here will have to this news, come morning exactly? Previous Chapter Here, Series Masterlist Here

Stannis Baratheon could not tell yet if he was offended or impressed. From the previous days when meeting him for the first time, to that night, already he knew opinions were going to be mixed. On one hand, he preferred not to treat men with any degree of special treatment, but unlike what many spoke of him as, Stannis did not feel a lack of emotion. In fact, it was that tie of not treating him any different against what his emotions were telling him of that was the conflict.

On another hand, the boy was stubborn. Quite stubborn, and rather stoic and quiet in comparison to the short time Stannis had encountered his brother. On the more difficult end, the more they spoke in those first days the easier it was for Stannis to understand what about him would have appealed to his first born daughter. As soon as this man of the Nights Watch had told him his name, he was struck by the appeal to emotion to give him the chance other men didn't deserve.

Perhaps however, it was exactly those emotions that was why Stannis was leaning towards impressed rather then insulted. The Lady Melisandre had the King beyond the Wall ready to be burned at the stake, due in part for his role of leadership for the wildings and their attack, another in part of if execution was the just sentence for him, then she demanded it for that of the Lord of Light.

The King beyond the Wall had only just begun to sound out in agony as the flames encased around him, when suddenly from a high point behind Stannis and the crowd did an arrow come. Landing directly into the wildling King's heart and ending his life before his sentence was truly carried out. Stannis had turned to look and see what happened, but only saw what should have made him angry, yet didn't.

Jon Snow had killed Mance Rayder quickly out of mercy, and in a very public display against the word of a King.

So as he sat in what became his office, the bastard boy standing across him the next day, part of Stannis pondered these very thoughts. Why wasn't he more insulted, offended, angry? He would not let it go without a word, but even Ser Davos watching could tell Stannis was not anywhere near the sort of reaction he would've had were it done by anyone else.

But he reprimanded Jon all the same. “I ordered Mance Rayder burnt at the stake. You prevented that order from being carried out. You showed mercy to Mance Rayder. A king's word is law. Perhaps you should ask Ser Davos how much mercy I show to lawbreakers.” He could see the boys eyes drifting to where only stubs of a once full hand now remained of it's fingers. Yet still, Stannis did not quite maintain the level of authority which he had spoken down to even the boys brother with. If anything, he was aware enough to know this was more of a parent lecturing a child. “Show too much kindness, people won't fear you. If they don't fear you, they don't follow you.”

Jon however, spoke with a calm respect. He stood in silence with his eyes drifted somewhat downward as Stannis lectured him, but it was not the same look now. More of a wide, bright eyed honesty that did not come with attitude nor judgment. Just a low, rough voice speaking the raw truth which Stannis found himself appreciating.

“With respect your grace, the free folk will never follow you no matter what you do. You're the man who burned their King alive.”

He did not appear someone who wanted power, but Stannis tested that intention all the same. “Who then? You?” Jon however, did not hesitate with confidence to tell him no. Explaining that they would only follow one of their own.

It was quiet for a moment, and the debate in his head stopped there. He could tell the boy was on edge, and was expecting a punishment further then such a conversation. Of course he would, he thought to himself. He was a bastard, used to being looked down on. And as it were, he could tell men such as Ser Alliser Thorne and Lord Janos Slynt despised him to the point Jon likely was seeing little light at the end of the path.

But Stannis also knew, the two of them had both been in the others proximity for a number of days now, and not once had the boy come close to bringing your name up. Which was interesting, considering you were the only reason Stannis had any preconceived notions about him in the first place. He knew there was a closeness between you and Jon once, which few were ever graced to have.

And he knew losing that closeness must hurt a great deal, and yet, Jon Snow did not once so far come close to saying your name or even indicating he knew anything about Stannis having a daughter besides Shireen. He was keeping something locked very tightly inside in front of Stannis and he couldn't help the manner in which he eased up.

Stannis wanted to know more about him, because he needed to understand what about a bastard could at all endear themselves to someone such as his firstborn daughter. And why the same bastard seemed to act as if you did not at all exist, now that you were gone.

So he switched tactics. Lightened the air up with something Stannis had an inkling was going to illicit a reaction more then the stoic, cold quiet Jon had thus far. Pulling out a raven scroll tucked underneath a pile of papers. “Do you know this wretched girl? Lyanna Mormont?”

Raising an eyebrow, Jon stepped forward as Stannis pushed it across the desk. “The Lord Commanders niece.”

“The daughter of the Lady of Bear Island, a child of ten. I asked to commit her house to my cause. That's her response.” And it got just the reaction he expected. Calm, more calm, and suddenly, what might have been the closest to a laugh if even only a smile, which he was going to pull from Jon that tried to peek out as he got to the crux of the answer.

Bear Island knows no King but the King in the North, whose name is Stark.

Only the slightest of raising of an eyebrow did Stannis lean forward, the ghost of a smirk which was not to be noticed by any. If perhaps only Ser Davos beside, who watched with a quiet intrigue of the growing dynamic as Stannis said, “That amuses you?”

In a second, did Jons tune change. The stone wall was put right back up and erased every scrap of personality Stannis was trying to slowly pull out of him. “I apologize, your Grace. Northerners can be a bit like the free folk. Loyal to their own.”

Setting it back down on the desk, Stannis commented that he knew all too well of that aspect of Jons people. Robert during his reign had gone on often and loudly about how difficult it was to control them, even with Lord Eddard Stark acting as Warden of the North. They were a stubborn people.

Just as Robb Stark had told Stannis they would be. And Stannis knew he was a fool for ignoring him.

Ser Davos begun going back and forth with Jon regarding that night's coming event. Lord Commander Jeor Mormont had been killed some years ago now, and a new one would need to be chosen now that the wildling threat had been taken care of. Stannis had said to Ser Davos directly before Jon had been summoned, that it was not passed a man like Thorne to hang Jon for what he sees, which is a traitor and a threat.

Stannis did not claim to care what caused the man to think Jon Snow was a traitor, any hearsay he heard wasn't his business but he did care of that being a threat. And Stannis did not come to regret refusing to aid in any way to Robb Stark, only to stand back and let his brother waste every potential in him by being taken out by an unpleasant man with a grudge.

He did not mince words telling Jon that. “Your bravery made him look weak. He'll punish you for it. I don't punish men for bravery. I reward them.”

The boy made it easy to figure out what you would have been drawn to him. He was blunt and genuine and without attitude when so many would have spoken to him at that point. No, Jon Snow seemed to approach the truth and the subsequent burdens with as much weight as as his long passed father did, as his late brother did, as Stannis did and most notably, the way he knew you did too. “I don't doubt it, your Grace. But I'm a brother of the Night's Watch. I've pledged them my life, my honour, my sword. I don't know what I have left to give you.”

But Stannis knew there was one thing. “You can give me the North.”

Doubt ran across Jons face in an instant. A doubt and an insecurity which any highborn wouldn't have reason to feel, but being a bastard instead, Jon did not hide from it. “I can't. Even if I wanted to, I'm a bastard. A Snow.”

But Stannis had thought, if this boy being a bastard did not matter to you, it should not effect the manner in which Stannis was growing to view him as. You admired a bastard, and Stannis did too, but law was law. He was a bastard boy with nothing to inherit and leaving on his own would be desertion. But, Stannis was a just man, and he knew the law decreed that there were ways in which to remedy both situations.

One which would spare Jon from being at the mercy of a Lord Commander with a hateful grudge looking to hang him, and one which would utilize what Stannis knew could be a powerful ally at his side. Both problems too, had the benefit of one singular, simple solution.

“Kneel before me. Lay your sword at my feet. Pledge me your service and you'll rise again as Jon Stark, Lord of Winterfell.”

Much to their surprise however, Jon had been elected as the new Lord Commander and subsequently told him no.

Stannis's life made even less sense the more the year progressed. Receiving word that Balon Greyjoy was dead, the Ironborn had organized the first Kingsmoot in centuries and voted for their new King to rule the Salt Throne. Who had begun to pull the Ironborn out of the North, leaving Stannis to start moving along to gauge what was left remaining. He had thought however, of all men, they had elected Euron Greyjoy.

During the Greyjoy rebellion, by the time Stannis was able to sail to the other side of the country, he had encountered Euron and Victarion Greyjoy as they burned Lord Tywin's ships at Lannisport.

Unlucky for Euron and his brother, who commanded the other half of the Greyjoy fleet, they were not the only men who lived and breathed the open waters. House Baratheon was built upon being surrounded by water since the start of their house's existence. Stannis was the sailor of his family, even moreso then his father. In times of war, Robert gave Stannis full command to do what needed to be done and it took only two months to destroy the Greyjoy fleet.

He held the rest of them off as Ned Stark and Robert Baratheon lay siege to Pyke. Only after two of Balon's sons had died, did he surrender. Handing his last remaining son to Ned Stark to take as prisoner and for the rest of that family to lick it's wounds as Stannis could finally return home to what was now, his two daughters. He had recalled hoping that Selyse's brother Alester had heeded his advice, and allowed you the chance to rule Dragonstone in his stead, with guidance from what stayed there of his council as necessary.

No doubt Selyse was still recovering, she had been as unwell this pregnancy as she was the entire time she was with you. Perhaps he should have known all four of those others wouldn't have come to term, the only two pregnancies which produced a living child she had been sick from minute one. Meaning Stannis sailed home already with plans in place on how to tackle that. You'd need to be focused on your lessons once more, and that would mean taking time away from you with Shireen.

He never said a word of it, but one of the few times Stannis felt something grow in his heart was the early morning his ship appeared in view of Dragonstone. Quickly did Ser Axell call to him, pointing out a figure high up looking. Or two figures. The one time Stannis had smiled so easily in front of his men, was the sight of his twelve year old daughter, with his three month old newborn daughter in your arms helping her wave them home.

By the time Shireen's greyscale had been cured, Stannis knew he had an unspoken reason as to why he was insistent on bringing you with him to Kings Landing. The two Stark boys had been a tedious influence on your wildness, and previously Selyse had been fed up with your growing attitude. He knew bringing you with him to the capitol would help in that regard. But he knew he couldn't bring Selyse and Shireen, first he needed his wife and her eldest brother Alester to serve the island for him and he was not cruel enough to think he had the right to separate Selyse from the first child she was able to have that lived in over twelve years.

But he could bring you. You were so much like him in some of the worst ways, and the older you got the clearer it was that you somehow inherited too, the worst self destructive tenancies of Robert. It was a difficult relationship his whole life with you, but he loved you. And if he could have only one thing in that rats nest of a capitol, he wanted it to be you.

It was why when your fourteenth nameday was approaching and you still had not bloomed, he gave explicit instructions to you not to say a word to anyone when it happened. To come to him and only him, but as it turned out, a handmaiden saw it first. He knew why Cersei insisted you took on handmaidens, she wanted a spy to watch over the only girl in the capitol she could dote on and try to groom you for her plans.

So he did what he had avoided doing for almost two years, sending you away again. He wrote to Lord Stark telling him to expect your arrival, and ordered Allard to ensure you left on the first ship the next morning. You'd be as far from her reach as possible with the Starks, and he refused to let you return until he was confident he had dismantled every one of Cersei's schemes involving you.

But two years with the Starks, and two years growing into someone close to a woman, well, you never really came back the way you used to be. You felt dragged back by force out of nowhere and you had blossomed into a girl of sixteen by the time he saw you again and now all those worse parts of himself and Robert clashed tenfold between you both.

It never got better. Only worse. Then he did what he once sent you away to avoid Cersei doing. He used you as a pawn for what was Stannis's own political movements, by marrying you off for his own strategic advantage. It was karma really, he did to you what he sent you away to avoid Cersei doing to you, and in return you sided against him in a war. You were declared a Queen at your independent Northern King and husbands side.

Then he refused to make peace. Then he lost at the Blackwater. Then he lost you, he lost the son in law he never gave a single chance, and he lost the grandson Stannis never knew he was to have.

Only to meet Robb Starks last living brother, a man who Stannis was almost certain was in love with you. Only to then separate once more not knowing if he'd ever find reason to convince Jon Snow he was worth more in this fight then a frozen castle at the edge of the world. Then they met at Deepwood Motte, a wildling army at Jon's back where he insisted they speak inside in private.

The news never stopped being out of control. According to Jon, you were dead, and then alive, you were a prisoner of the Boltons the entire time, and now the boy, Ramsay Bolton was preparing to start a war to get you back. Only, it got stranger and stranger what Jon told of him until it all led to what Stannis quickly caught onto was all but a thinly veiled threat when the subject came up, that you had been considered a traitor to Stannis before your death.

“My own brothers stabbed me seven times in the chest and I bled to death trying to convince men to help me to rescue her. The only reason I'm standing here, is because she brought me back. Not any god or priestess or ceremony, just her. If Ramsay is willing to start a war to get her back after spending a year torturing her, try to think what I'd to protect her against a father still trying to call her a traitor.”

Jon Snow had gone from refusing to even mention you out of a strangling grief he wished to internalize, to standing before a King with a not so subtle threat that he'd protect you against more then just the Boltons if Stannis tried to push it. He had gotten the image all wrong when he tried to imagine your place back within life, back in Stannis and Jon's lives. He was terribly wrong about it all.

Only, he wasn't as he now realized. He was right about almost all of it.

The ironic thing was, that faced with the reality of the imagined fantasy Stannis wondered up in the days in Castle Black, it was clear which one between you and Jon was equipped to handle him without any hesitations. Jon had stood before the sitting King with nerves and a raw honesty.

This time though, you sat across from him to position yourself as an equal, and the silence in the room was not wrought with nerves or tension. Just a stubbornness and a complete lack of intimidation.

Green eyes on green eyes unblinking in their stare against one another as you sat down before him and still you and your father sat in a silence. Whatever arguments the man was ready to put forth, you knew you were equally as ready to knock them all down.

Minutes passed before either of you broke, and it was your father who did it first. “I don't imagine your mother was thrilled over the matter.”

A sigh may have left your mouth were you less controlled in your nerves of said moment. “Her daughter went from a Baratheon to a Stark to a Snow. I didn't expect her nor you to be pleased by it.”

Any other man and there may have been blatant judgment in their tone, but in your father it was even and dry only caring of getting to the route of the topic at hand. “Neither of you presumed to think it would be appropriate for the man to gain blessing from the bride's father before a betrothal is made.”

You didn't blink, nor did Stannis. He did not jump right to his point without ensuring you understood where he was going to be coming at it from in root, but you didn't really feel the patience for it right now. It wasn't meant as a game but it felt one regardless. Your tone was if possible, even more flat and unwavering dry as his. “Previously, you had assumed Jon and I were sharing a bed so to speak. It seems a step backwards to care about asking permission for marriage before caring about pre marital affairs.”

Both of you were far too stubborn for this. “Two moons ago you married, we can cross out being with child as the reason for how rushed you went into this.”

A part of you hesitated, there was no shame in the truth anymore and certainly not with your father in comparison to the sort of affairs both his own brothers engaged in. But would it change his view of Jon you wondered. Then again, you could also find it in you to argue that if this changed his opinion now of all times, he must not have respected him as much as he claims. So you were honest. “Jon and I have shared romantic feelings since I was fifteen. We've known each other since I was eight. I think it is safe to say, he and I have done the opposite of rush into this.”

He didn't look as if this was new information, which was the strange part. You knew the only one who had an inkling was Shireen, but you had known for a fact she kept all of it to herself since she had never even confronted you of such subjects in that manner. How your father knew, you couldn't figure out.

Calm as ever, you both looked at one another, sat on either side of the desk in quiet as the muffled sounds of work and yelling filtered in through the stone walls against the crackling fire. “He taught you how to use a sword.” Not a question, and thus you gave one nod of a yes before he continued. A curiosity filtering in his gaze. “Selyse wasn't happy about that either, when you returned home that year.”

“It might be more productive by now to make a list of things I've done that have made either of you happy compared to not. If we name all the things about my life you disapprove of we may be sitting here quite a long time.” Silent for a moment you forced the question out. “What is your point here, father? Is it that I married without your expressed permission or is it because I married a bastard?”

“Something's changed since the last we spoke.”

Silence sat between you both more, “Has it?”

He couldn't have known, you know he didn't know. You were keeping it a secret from most everyone for a reason, including why he managed to escape alive in the first place. In truth, you didn't want to sit here and talk about Jon. You wanted to sit here and ask what on earth was wrong in your father's head when he decided he was going to let the red woman murder his own nephew, the only one he had left for all he knew.

You wanted to know why when there were so little of Baratheon blood left, were you all self destructing towards oblivion.

Your father murdered his brother, and tried to murder his nephew and you murdered your sister. You could sweeten that night with honey all you wanted, but at the end of the day, your father and you both killed your own blood. Maybe you wanted something from him which he couldn't provide. The answer of why this family was doomed to destroy each other.

Your father kept his calm in the face of a silent whirlwind behind your stoic gaze. “The last we were in Kings Landing, I met a number of Robert's bastards. Didn't care for any of them. Half Robert, half whatever tavern slut he bedded on a drunken night. The only nephew I had known for some time was Joffery, and not yet realizing the truth of his birth I saw no interest in getting to know any of Roberts other children. They weren't trueborn, and nieces and nephews or not, if Robert was not going to recognize them, why should I?”

Was it hypocritical you thought? The degree to which maybe you should rip the necklace from your person off and give it right back to the man who gave it to you, the one who didn't know what it was like to push dagger into the back of her skull. Mercy or not, why should you be angry about what Stannis had almost done to Gendry when you had done it yourself to your own little sister, to Shireen.

But it slipped out in an anger regardless. “Because they have your blood in their veins, same as I.”

You had seen her state, she had no life waiting even if she would ever awake without agonizing pain shocking her back to the darkness. It was different you told yourself, so why did this not feel different?

It was easier when you learned about Renly. You were still a person then, a human made whole in life and not a shell of what used to be with your sisters blood on your hands. This time, you learned about Gendry after you had already committed kinslaying exactly as your father did. You did not have the right to feel angry at him, when you did it yourself. You and your father were no better then the other.

If Stannis had a point he was making, he was tying it together from various starting points of stories he assumed were related together. “Your mother was not happy when I married you to a Northerner, but at least he was a highborn. Heir to Winterfell. Happy or not Robb Stark was an appropriate suitor for my daughter. Had in those days you come to me and told me you married a bastard without my permission, I'd have dragged you back to Dragonstone with me and never let you out of my sight for some time.”

Your eyes drifted to the side ever so slightly. Dramatic, but precisely what you would have expected in such years. Only, the connecting bonds your father weaved together, you hadn't expected. “So when I offered to make Jon the Lord of Winterfell, I offered to make him a Stark to do so. He was only a bastard, and law is law so I offered to declare him the name of his fathers house and seat in exchange for his fealty. He turned me down, and do you know what it was I had thought that day? What came to mind when he told me no?”

Shaking your head slightly, there wasn't a judgment in his gaze, but something a little more weighted with an emotion you were struggling to identify on Stannis, at least when it was directed towards you it was a struggle.

What wasn't expected, was the real answer. “I had wondered, that if in another life where you had lived, if you were still alive, would that have changed his mind. If I had offered to make him a Stark, offered to make him Lord of Winterfell, would he have accepted my offer, if you were alive to offer him as well.”

Brows narrowing, your head tilted in a slight ask of a confused whisper. “What does that mean?”

“Had you been alive, or more accurately, had any of us known you were alive, I would have given you to him as a wife in addition to everything else. Give the boy one more thing he never had, a highborn girl he had been in love with.” He had known, in whatever manner he deduced, your fathers time with Jon directed him to the very conclusion Jon had hidden from all too many. “Naming him a Stark wouldn't have changed the boy being born a bastard, and if I was willing to marry you to him then, I'm not sure how much else could convince you that is not the issue now.”

Nails dug into the leather of the other glove in your lap, not sharp enough to feel much of the pressure against your skin under. Still, nothing was said from you. “I am insulted this was all done without my knowledge or consent, but that does not mean I disapprove of the marriage or of him. You chose all on your own to let your surname become Snow, and your children will hold that name as well. If I cannot change that, I will not waste my energy being unhappy over it.”

Inhaling deeply, you had to convince yourself to turn and look back at him mid way through your own sentence. “What is this then? A lecture to tell me how disappointed you are?”

The immediate falling expression into something flat on your face at the ease in which your father looked at you without blinking and said, “It is like you said, if we were to sit down and discuss everytime I have been disappointed with something you've done, we'd have spent much more time in my office over the years going over it every other day.”

It was difficult to tell when he was being hyperbolic to amuse himself or to find a small rise out of you, but the stiff quiet between you both wasn't awkward as it was a bit of a distraction from the previous tension going unsaid. A hum in your throat had you peeling your eyes away with a smirk only he could've spotted without question. “And you wonder why you weren't invited. Now, can we move to the matters at hand or shall we sit here a little while longer and pretend I'm getting a stern talking too?”

Still though, it was a strange thought which remained in your head for the moments of quiet you were left alone in. Your father was right in a manner of speaking, everything he offered in their own way came to reality. Only without his help was the caveat for some, and titles were the difference in others.

The memory of seven fatal wounds forever carved into Jons chest. A death which led to every prediction of your father to come to fruition, but for as far as he has come, part of you wished he had taken the offer when he had the chance. Returning to life didn't make it any better that he died trying to find you in the first place.

He had done much to move on from it, move you both on from thinking of it, but it was right there every time you saw them. The memory unable to be shaken of walking down the steps of the Ice Cells for the very first time that morning as everything which had the chance to finding something positive in your life died all over again. It wouldn't have changed that he was Robbs heir, it wouldn't have changed how you felt about him, it wouldn't have changed that you would follow him no matter where he was to lead you.

It would've meant he lived, and for perhaps the first time, you hated how dedicated the Starks were to doing the right thing no matter the cost to themselves. Jon himself had told you he didn't regret trying to leave to find you, but he should.

“I have four thousand I can station between four castles right away, and I have another ten trapped in the Stormlands by the Golden Company.”

Were you anyone else, the guilt may have been brought out on your face right away but as it was, neither you nor Jon gave anything in expression away. Nor even shifted a glance to one another. A lie quick forming in your mind to jump to Jon's defence before anything of what he and you had done would be given away. This would be the worst time for that as such.

As it was, Jon stood confident as ever. It was clear his time in the Nights Watch had left an impact on him which had not gone away. Before Edd arrived, he looked the most comfortable walking even the ruins of the Nightfort, and still looked just as at home in these walls as he did at Castle Black. The only thing any different from your last time spent at the Wall, was there was slightly more grey and browns mixed with the ever present black on him, and the once wild curls now tamed pulled back.

Hand clenching in on itself, you forced your eyes back to the table you sat at, on one side of it Jon was stood braced with his palms against it and Stannis stood at the other in a similar position. For once, you had said nothing in argument as Jon had insensitively moved to almost push you back in the seat when you made to stand with them. Nothing said further when he seemed all but shove food in front of you with a pointing gesture to make you eat.

Ripping off small bits at a time, thankful that despite the almost amusing pushiness, Jon seemed to sense lately exactly what you needed, when you needed it. The past week in particular he was very keen on picking up any changes in your mood, behaviour, anything. You couldn't yet tell if Ghost, who currently was sat dutifully by the back of the room with keen watchful eyes, was doing the same on his own or picking up the habit influenced by Jon.

Though, Ghost did bring a dead fox all the way in from the wolfswood about a fortnight ago, and found you specifically to gift it to. Your two White Wolves both odd creatures, they were.

Jon's voice rumbled somewhat to the side of you, “I can send a raven to Storm's End. Find out if Aegon would be willing to negotiate letting your men leave.”

The quiet sat on your fathers face and you already knew the precise question which would come out of his mouth. “And why would the boy be willing to do so when he previously refused to cooperate?”

You were proud however, the ease in which Jon had the answer without finding his way to the lie which sat underneath the how. “Aegon knows eventually his aunt will make her move to Westeros, and he knows it will turn into the two of them against each other. We managed to negotiate a truce with him, he won't try and force the North to bend the knee or fight in his war and in exchange the North won't choose a side. If he and his aunt go to war, he agreed to show us peace if we give him neutrality.”

And the follow up you had seen coming, “How did you manage to come to that agreement?”

Quick and flat, you let it slide out as if natural in the moment statement meant as a jest towards your father, but Jon only briefly glanced to you with a wider look in his eyes at how easily you covered up to Stannis of all people, especially when you knew the lie was truly yours. “Some Kings are more willing to negotiate peace treaties with each other then you.”

Once more however, it was striking in the room between primarily Jon and Theon the degree to which only a few years apart from you and so much context of your life was forever missing to them. Ser Davos looked down with an amused glint in his eye covering a smirk, and your father only matched the flat look in your eye as an answer. “Very well then.” Looking back to Jon he was quick to the point. “Send word to him as soon as possible, the sooner I can get my men to begin work on the castles here the better prepared we can be.”

You could tell as the room filtered out, Jon was silent in his stare to grab your attention but it had missed you entirely as Theon came to speak beside you. “You can't avoid them forever, you know.”

Glancing to the side before flickering your gaze back to the cold outside, you held back something of a sigh. “I can when we leave and they stay here. We allowed them here to fight this fight, not preach things to me I had spent years avoiding being apart of.”

Theon could tell you were being stubborn, but you on the other hand knew that he wouldn't push the issue in the same manner others may. “Should have hanged them both before ever letting them get anywhere near Winterfell.” You didn't look with a glare that time but Theon felt it no doubt, following himself up with a more collected tone. “You can frame it however you like, but they were still part of that plan to kill you.”

Shortness on your tone, you almost interrupted him. Cutting through whatever words may have come next the moment you could sense the end of his breath. “Kidnap. Murder is a far charge away from that of kidnapping. And you and I both know now they did not plan it. Hanging them wouldn't change that someone else planned all of that.”

He was quiet, and you knew he felt as agitated as Jon would everytime you came up with excuses for what Beric and Thoros had been apart of. “Your father know about it?” The answer of no came so quickly it almost brought more aggravation from his tone you didn't need to look to know was there. “If they aren't guilty, why not tell him about it?”

“There is little Stannis Baratheon appreciates more then executing justice, but this didn't happen in his lands. It isn't his business. We are handling the rest, he doesn't need to be told everything which happens in my life.” You felt the cold wind stinging across your cheeks, but in a way you almost felt relieved by the sensation.

A bitter awakening which kept you on your toes instead of the comfortable many wanted for you now.

“Don't know much about him. Spent some twenty years at Castle Black before being made Lord Commander. Didn't last long after that, and if I don't know more means he probably wasn't very good at it.” Always one to appreciate the manner in which Edd got right to the point. Your arms crossed your chest, elbow propped up onto one to let your nails tap at your lip in thought as you listened.

He also thought little of your questions or their abrupt nature thankfully. “What happened to him exactly?” Also a stroke of luck he either did not pick up on your unusual curiosity or did not see fit to particularly care in prying about why.

Part of him looked exhausted, though you were beginning to feel as if all of you lived in such a state these days. His voice sounded distant and somewhat muttering as he clearly tried to recall the exact details he may have once knew. With how much he read you knew Sam might have been a better starting off point, but even if you could catch him alone, he'd mention the questions to Jon the moment they saw the other next. Which was the point you were trying to avoid, certain things simply didn't need to be added atop his shoulders despite what he insisted. He wouldn't let you take some of the burdens from his shoulders to share so you weren't going to add to them.

“Went ranging north of the Wall, disappeared, died. I assume. Hard to say that for sure anymore.” Your expression fell to a tie between somewhat dismayed and understanding, but regardless Edd caught the sense you were going to make him elaborate first. “Men disappear out there all the time, anything could have happened.”

Pacing along the length of the room, you shook your head more to yourself. “Any ranger perhaps, but I find it hard to believe the Lord Commander could disappear out there and no one would come back with anything to say about it.”

“They would if no one was there to come back with him.” Tormunds voice bounced off of the walls and against the wood towards your ears but your face scrunched slightly in a confusion. Turning to look at him there was something narrowed in his gaze towards you. “Sometimes crows leave all alone and don't come back, Mance didn't.”

It was Edd's turn to look back, standing a bit straighter with a tilt of his head towards him. “Mance Rayder wasn't Lord Commander, and he was born out there. This guy wasn't. Can't imagine many highborns willingly leaving everyone behind to live out in the snow.” This time, it was your eyes narrowing in a bit of a surprised curiosity. But it had to wait for now.

“Maybe he was looking for something.” As soon as you had asked for what, Tormund once more looked as if now he was the one withholding information on purpose. He clearly knew enough to give you small details but something else was being kept in his head despite you having the clear indication he knew more then he was willing to divulge. “Freedom? A Woman? Who knows.”

Edd piping up with a doubt in an amused tinge hinted at in his voice. “Man was in his sixties. Can't imagine he only found the urge by then to start sticking his dick into something after twenty years.”

“Be surprised what old men want when they go grey. I've seen plenty of grandpa's get new energy like their boys finding out they can play their cocks all over again.” Oh you were not the correct person to be a participant of this discussion. Holding a hand to your forehead as both men went back and forth until you found your limit of dick discussions for a lifetime.

Holding a hand out almost in a pleading for whatever they were saying to stop, you interrupted them with what was clearly an embarrassed grimace on your face. “I believe we have gotten far off the discussion, gentlemen.”

Nodding towards you, both men now smirked at one another in a knowing joke you were not in on. “You'd think being married to a crow she'd know all about that.”

Now you didn't even know what they were talking about anymore at all. Edd not helping as he indulged whatever joke Tormund was making at your expense. “Guess not. Suppose we know why they still don't have any little ones yet.”

Your face scrunched in a disapproval and yet almost an innocent bewilderment how you even got onto whatever this topic was. “I don't even have a clue what you two are going on about anymore.”

Whatever the smirk between Edd and Tormund meant, it had you rolling your eyes in an instant. Muttering as you made your way to leave the room to their boyish mockings on their own. “Many thanks for the assistance.”

Only, instead of finding the door to the cold outside did a large hand grab at your forearm and without any effort tug you backwards. Body landing somewhat in a stumble only to be cushioned by the now very close proximity of Tormund. Brows narrowed as he leaned down to look at you with a quiet but more serious tone for your hearing only. “If you're not going to stop snooping, may as well ask the only one here whose been out there his whole life.”

Raising an eyebrow, you found he almost matched your expression in a challenge. “I did ask you, and you claimed to not know anything.”

“Did I, now?”

Both pairs of eyes could've been mistaken for glaring had it not been a staring competition between you and Tormund of all people. Though you supposed to Edd it looked rather as such. Your voice lowered for only him to hear with a roughness held back in frustration. “I'm not paying games, Tormund. If you know something tell me, if not, let go of me.”

The last man to be intimidated by you, he didn't take the bait whatsoever. The smirk was almost infuriating however. “Starting to sound like the pretty crow needs another reminder how to loosen up.”

Only silence as your eyes narrowed just slightly more, only this time the jest behind it was far clearer to him then Edd now confused as anything. “If you weren't twice my size I'd have hit you by now.”

Passing a beat between you, instead he once more used his stature to turn you in place, tugging you more to his side before shoving you to the door as your previous goal was. Tormund this time following suit as he rumbled just behind you, “You know all the right things to say.”

In the cold air of the Nightfort, a great laugh left him as you sighed almost so deeply one would think it came from the mouth of a disappointed parent. Under your breath you whispered in an exasperation, “Seven hells, I knew you weren't done letting this go.”

Waiting until the moment you passed him by, did Ghost stand up and dutifully follow wherever the path was which Tormund was directing you. Unbeknownst to you as he trailed along, the red behind the direwolf's eyes weren't bright and attentive but almost darker and tense behind them. Tormund wasn't the only one not letting that go.

By the time the name Brynden Rivers came from your mouth, Tormund had told you he's never heard of him. Your eyes rolled with a glare up to him. “I know you haven't heard of him, that's why I didn't originally ask you that.”

The Nightfort made sense only in terms of when the Nights Watch was regarded with respect and given the manpower and resources to hold it. By the time it was abandoned it then no more made sense to keep it. You had walked for what felt like ten minutes and still found yourself only now approaching the other side of the courtyard. Not even five hundred men could maintain this place for such a long period of time, let alone the dwindled numbers you could presume had been it's final count.

“So what did you see exactly.”

Twice now you had seen it, in one dream then once more not long ago. Both times not alone but a crow with three eyes beside it, as if they stood one in the same now. It had pricked at your mind that first dream, the second you returned to the waking world that you knew the image in words you hadn't had at the forefront of your memory. It was why you scrambled to search the texts for it.

It had been more then only a red raven, it was a raven with feathers looking as if it was utterly coated and dripping in blood. Two eyes only but red blood dripping from it, but the crow with three was black as any normal bird. That one you had seen more then twice, but you had even less of an idea what it was meant to symbolize.

Tormund had clearly been thinking on it for a while, responding to such description easily. “Never seen or heard a raven like that. You said it was beside this crow?” A nod from you with no other input you let him stew on whatever was coming together in his head. “No one's seen a three eyed crow before, either but north of the Wall I know plenty who've talked about it. Say it's some omen of black magic.”

No, you thought, you'd seen black magic. It was in blood and fire and horrible death. This was not the same at all. Leaning now against a stone wall, the only destination he had intended was privacy. Ghost circling around to near a corner where his eyes could ensure focus from every oncoming angle before turning his head to watch you intently. Tormund stood somewhat a few feet in front of you, most of the jesting act now dropped as he prodded your mind for detail.

“Is there any difference in seeing it with your own eyes or seeing it in a dream?”

Tormund however had a strange answer. “The only place anyone's seen a three eyed crow is in a dream. Long time ago, my people would talk about it but no one's ever lived long enough to find it.” A question of why on your lips and once more you felt lost. “Never met anyone whose survived that far north, or at least survived long enough to come back. Last one to try said was about fifty years ago.”

Nothing was said and yet it dawned in your mind. Lips parting a bit as you looked down to the snow across the ground. Looking up hoping it would transform into a vision you could make sense of, but only stone and more snow in such a place as you already were. “This last one wouldn't have happened to be a man of the Nights Watch would it?”

A single nod and you despised how every answer made less sense to the mysteries wrapping around your mind. “Lord Bloodraven. That was the other title he went by. That's what I was discussing with Edd, the Lord Commander around fifty years ago disappeared ranging north of the wall, and before that most remember him as Lord Bloodraven.”

Answers should feel relieving, not that of a heavy weight adding to the strain in your head begging to turn into a pounding agony. “So, some old Lord Commanders coming to you in a dream with a three eyed crow. Maybe he's trying to tell you the answers you're looking for are out there.”

Just as Tormunds head gestured to where the Wall stood high someway beside you both, did a third voice join the pair of you. Only this one was both loud and yet a deep rasping with little patience in the short tone attached to it. “Then she won't find them.”

As the larger one turned, your head rose with a wider look bright in them as Jon stood with his posture tense and rigid a few feet from you. Leathers across him yet even without anything warmer you somehow felt as if you still were colder in the winter air then he was. A glance with Tormund, Jons eyes harsh and just as intense as the air around him he nodded behind him. “I want a moment with her.”

Neither you nor Jon moved until the small alcove you stood in was now alone save for three, one of which came up to Jons side more energetic then before. A gloved hand ran over the side of Ghosts face as Jon muttered something low and affectionate in tone before both came over to you. Still leaning against a stone wall, your hands wrung together as if nerves sat within you.

Perhaps they did, but you couldn't quite figure out what was wrong. Or, that kept being the problem wasn't it? “How did you know I was over here?” Jon only flickering his eyes pointedly to Ghost before your lips parted in a curiosity. “Do you do that often?”

Hardly what you could call a shrug came from him, Jon closing the distance more and as soon as he stepped with an arms reach you felt his warmth already radiate into your skin. “Only when I'm worried about you.”

Tensity in the air seemed both out of existence from him and heavyset within your blood. A gloved hand reached out as he invaded the remainder of your personal space along your arm, his head leaned down a slight bit to meet closer to your eyes. But you hardly met his, glancing away prompting Jon to try and follow to keep up. “You don't need to be. I'm staying in the castle walls still.”

Your voice was a mumble, but you could tell the meekness seeped through, wishing you could curl in on yourself as his hand ran down your upper arm. “What do you-” Your eyes flickered up to meet his and the brightness in yours painted an insecure image that you knew looked bad on you. Jons voice dropped to what felt like pity, “Darling,”

His hand tried to reach up, gently brush your cheek and jaw to turn you to look at him but you almost flinched from the touch. A shake of your head as you mumbled, eyes casting downward to the black across his torso instead. “Ever since Moat Cailin..” Trailing off you wished you sounded more put together then your wavering tone did. “I know you don't trust me but I still don't understand. Not trusting me is one thing, but it's as if you don't even want me doing anything.”

The same gloved hand ran through the loose strands of your hair as Jon muttered your name low, but you avoided his gaze still further when he tried to make you look at him again. His breath hot as if brushed across your skin and if he was any closer you'd be able to feel his curls were they loose, brushing against you as well. “That's not what this is.”

Down further your eyes found instead of up, you could now see the pommel of Longclaw sat against his side. Your hand still wrung together in front of you. “I try to help you, you make me stop. I try looking into things about whats coming for us and you tell me not to. I try and figure out what's happening with these dreams and visions and you get angry with me when I explain I'm doing it to help you.” He was silent, but his hand still ran through the strands.

Jon sighed deeply, trying again to no avail to get you to look up at him, and even the tender rasp of your name didn't do the trick. His other hand found your hip as you continued to not reach out to him the same way. “I trust you more then anyone else-”

Shaking your head, you felt your limbs tense at the feeling in your throat. Don't do this now you thought, don't get emotional now of all times. If it was evident as you spoke, you weren't looking enough at Jons reaction to know if he caught it or not. “You don't. I know that, that I've ruined that. But it's as if you don't want my help at all. I don't even know why you let me come if you didn't want me here-”

Cupping your cheek properly Jon leaned in to make you face him, but your eyes still couldn't handle whatever was in those beautiful greys. “If could only have one person with me anywhere, it would always be you, no matter what. Where is this coming from?”

Did you even hear him? You didn't know, the noise in your head was loud and too nonsensical to make out genuine words when he was so close to you. He was too warm it wasn't fair. “Everything I try to do to help you, and you get angry with me for it. If you don't trust me to help you, Jon, I'd rather you be honest and say it because everything about these past few weeks says you'd trust nearly anyone before me. And I get it, I do, I ruined all of it but..”

You shook your head in the pause of your words, Jon now letting his other hand dance along your jaw trying to tilt you back to him but the watering sting behind your eyes only got worse.

“You won't let me do anything to try, I don't even know when I have any chances to gain your trust again because you keep telling me to stop.” He muttered your name but the red in your stinging eyes warmed part of your face and throat and you despised how pathetic it was you were upset over nothing again. You didn't have the right to be upset Jon didn't trust you.

An attempt to lean in had you turn your face away from his, not in malice or the sorts, but heavy on an insecurity that used to sit on the man before you, not you before him. “I trust you, I want you here by my side, but it isn't as simple as that right now-”

“Then tell me how to fix it.” A second or two did you meet Jons desperate gaze but you looked away again as the upset wavered with frustration. “Either I'm a terrible Queen, or I'm a terrible wife, but I don't know how to fix it if you won't let me.” In the mere moments it took Jon to reign in the shock forming across at the rawness in your words did you fill it with whatever noise sounded off louder in your head. “I'm scrambling to find any scrap of something to help you but maybe I'm making it worse, maybe you don't want me to help and I'm too blind to realize it.”

Did Jon say your name? You weren't sure, the noise in your head now blended with the racing of your heart and not at all did you have the awareness to know any tears had fallen down your cheeks. You still refused to look at him. “I'm constantly scared I'm ruining things in your life, and- fuck.” Cutting yourself off something more panicked waved through you as the noise in your head turned clearer so too voices you might have recognized.

If Jon did or said anything you missed it, pulling away from his touch as you felt the tears and the impending humiliation. Wrapping what was once his fur cloak around you more, you shook your head, tears freezing in the cold air. “I thought doing this in private was the better choice, since I was getting in your way but now I don't even know what to do at all. Somethings been wrong between us and I don't understand why.”

His hands reached your forearms from behind, running down them as Jons warmth enveloped your back as you spoke. “In the crypt you said that maybe you didn't know me anymore, but really I don't know you. You came back different, you became a different person in the time we were apart and all I did when I came back was get worse. Maybe I don't know you anymore and I'm only just catching onto that.”

The second Jon tried to comfort you, breath warm at the side of your head as he rasped your name. A gloved hand trying to dance along your person to reach your scar but you pulled away again, that new rough wave inside you upset as ever before. You felt a mess as he followed you with the same low tones hoping to reach your ear. “You've got it wrong, I'm trying to protect you.”

But the only way you seemed to think Jon decided to do that was to push you away. You barley stood at his side when discussing things that mattered anymore, he hardly gave you anything to do to help him and got upset when you did like you did now, and try to figure things out, out of his way. “You told me if I couldn't lead, you still wanted me to stand by you. But now all you do is tell me to stop, tell others to stop helping me when I'm trying to do things for you. I don't think there's been a single day for weeks you haven't looked at me like you hate that I'm in the way.”

Jons voice rose a bit as it was stern, but you tried to walk away from him and it raised even more so he could keep up. But all you heard was anger, your rational mind didn't know what else it could be indicating. “You're not in the way and nobody, including me thinks that you are. Ever since that night on the ship it's like you're convinced I want to get rid of you.”

Turning towards him, it took him back both the raise in your own voice but also how it did not match the more devastated look in your eyes. “Ever since that night you look at me like I've lost my mind, Jon. And the moment I try and figure out what's happening to me you make me stop. All I want to do is be someone you can be proud is at your side but maybe I'm too stupid to realize that all I'm good for really is warming your bed at night like a whore.”

Jons brows narrowed, lips parting slightly as he looked at you. Something darker sat behind his eyes, head turned to the side just a bit as if figuring something out as he tried to close the gap you created between you. It wasn't a judgment on his part you said it with, but the words themselves struck something in Jon that put him on a cliff's edge which you yourself, could not see was there. Opening his mouth to speak, he thought better of whatever the words were before throwing out a demand of your name. “Look at me.”

Whatever Jon saw when you did, it was something he didn't like but you couldn't stand here and find out, not with people around not when you were in a place that was nowhere near home to hide or find any comfort in. You would rather have turned around, been in Winterfell and sought comfort in your bed, but no- the bed was Jons. Not yours.

“My lovely bride, you wouldn’t have happened to play around with other men while you were gone were you?”

Ramsay was right. Stoneheart was right. You weren't anything anymore. You were a Queen, a leader at Robb's side but all you could manage at Jons was being a whore for his pleasure. And now you just tricked yourself into thinking marrying him would make that mean anything else.

“Fighting for my whore of a bride sounds like a wonderful idea.”

He should've let you go back. He should've just let you go back to Ramsay. You hadn't gotten any better since then but at least Ramsay wasn't a good man, you weren't bringing him down by being in his clutches.

You heard Jons voice close through the muffles of your mind, “Darling, I need you to listen to me-”

But you shook your head. Turning away from him, not bothering to hide that you were wiping the tears away before any out there could too see how pathetic you were. “I've kept enough of your time.”

Oh if only you could turn around and see how heartbroken the wide eyed expression in Jons eyes were at that one. The return to formality last seen only in the days of Castle Black but now you were so much more to him. But you didn't see any of that. And it made Jon mad.

He had worked so hard to help heal your mind, and suddenly the weight of the world and winter and these dreams and visions all but destroyed the progress you had made for him. It was starting to feel as if you were as lost as those first days you came back to him. But this time so much more was at stake if Jon couldn't fix it in time.

If you found out on your own now, Jon didn't want to know what you'd do. You had long walked away as his heart tore away at him, still standing there. He lost the chance to tell you the other night, and ever since Jon was trying to wait for the same perfect opportunity. But maybe you needed to know right now. Before you let the memory of Ramsay Bolton take you from Jon, back into his torment.

If he could have killed that man all over again, Jon would ensure this time was far bloodier. It would not be many months more until it marked a year since you escaped Ramsay, but some times it felt as if Jon kept losing you to him over and over again. Everytime you got better, Ramsay pulled you away from Jons love, back to make you hate yourself all over again.

If he were being honest, Jon was glad Gilly was back in Winterfell, otherwise he knew he'd have ended up all but rudely kicking her out of the room with little proper decorum. Instead, all which occurred was Sam nearly being ambushed as Jon both barrelled into the room and slammed the door shut behind him. Sams head jolting backward, “Jon?”

Words trapped in his throat Jons hands braced themselves against the desk Sam had been sitting at, head hung down as his jaw clenched through breaths asking to painfully heave. Before he could be asked anything else in checking, Jon all but hissed your name out, eyes closed knowing he had to say it out loud to someone before he said it to you tonight.

“Ah, now I must admit, when they told me I'd be given a watch partner I didn't expect someone as important as yourself to do so.” Many times since meeting again, Thoros's voice was grating and irritating as it was preachy.

Only now as you slowly approached, hair blowing back in the high winds and all but clutching the fur around you to cover your front you hadn't yet met his gaze. No, instead it was the green wavering in the far distance on the North you saw first.

Once more in the winds the only sound, did Thoros break that peace. Softer in tone and a weight behind it that he was not often heard with. “Mesmerizing isn't it?” Your head titled just a little bit to indicate you were listening. “I know, for everything I stand for, I'm the last person who should admit that, but it is. Hard to take your eyes off it once you see it the first time.”

The green truly was something else. Nothing but fear and horror has become you in the world of red and fire and yet the shimmering green against snow and ice was what drew you in so naturally. Neither of you spoke for a moment, Thoros leaned against one wall and you standing with both feet facing the far North with wide eyes.

By the time your voice spoke, Thoros had almost given up expecting conversation.

“She's pregnant.”

It took a good number of seconds and an entirely blank stare for the information to register to Sam, but the moment it did he shook his head out of the pause with a distinguished, “Huh?”

Jon's eyes were wide, something more vulnerable then Sam had seen in them for a very long time but it was there and Jon couldn't hide it. Repeating your name, there was something almost painful in the way Jon had to force it out. “She's pregnant. Around three weeks, she doesn't know.”

For the second time, Sam was at the disadvantage and had to be the one walked through things. “She- but- how would you know and she doesn't?” Only for a wide eyed and open mouthed realization to come over him, “Ghost. Ghost could probably sense it and if you went inside his head, then you could sense it.” The moment Sam begun a congratulations in his voice he stopped himself with another question instead. “Wait, she doesn't know. You haven't said anything to her?”

Grey eyes almost shining brighter then the firelight around the room, Jon felt nothing of the firm strength and resolve a King was expected to have. He felt more like a boy playing at leadership then truly one himself. “Sam, she's a mess. Everything the past two years and I managed to get her pregnant at one of her lowest points since I've seen her again.” Only the two of them in the room, Jon almost begged for the sun to go down already as if the night sky could hide such raw ramblings.

“You said it never gets any better.”

Still not facing him, you knew Thoros had heard you, but you elaborated anyways as you looked out to the green against the pitch black night sky. “In the dungeons, you told me it never gets any better. This feeling. What did you mean?”

He almost chuckled to himself, looking down to his feet before pushing off the wall to stand where you were precariously close to the edge of a mighty drop. “Five years it's been since the Lord granted me the ability to bring Beric back to the light. And in those five years I never thought I would meet a soul who would understand what such power feels like. Beric doesn't know, he never will. Coming back in comparison to bringing another back is easy. But us?” He whistled dramatically in the air. “There isn't a word in any language here or across the Narrow Sea that could describe what it feels like to someone who doesn't already know.”

The wind was bitter around your face but it kept you awake and reminded you that you at least had not yet taken a step too far and plunged to the ground. Far away your gaze was looking and so was the voice which matched your distant mind. “How do to handle it? Feeling everyday like you're so close to losing your mind, only to have that feeling double the next day and the next?”

A laugh from Thoros that time did not come across as genuine. Morose, macabre, but nothing in a genuine amusement as the wind almost mattered not around the two of you in something you had long since avoided speaking of.

He sounded more serious then most likely knew his whole life, “Well personally I drink a lot, but something tells me you haven't quite taken after your uncle in that regard.” Your eyes only then peeled to meet his, and there was a hint of a jest in there that was genuine. A person did still exist in the mess of him somewhere, so where was yours?

Tilting his head to implore him, Sam lowered his voice to something a bit more calming. “Jon, I don't really think many people get pregnant when the time is only perfect. Look at Gilly, she spent most of her time thinking I was never coming back, only for Karl and Rast to kill her father and take her home days after giving birth. Spent the first few months of Sam's life with me on the march back to the Wall.”

Sighing out deeply, Jon dropped his gaze. Jaw clenched as was his hands tensing against the wood, eyes slipping closed to try and think clearer. “This is different, Sam. I used to have visions of her, dreams of her. I'd see things that all came true of her, not realizing she was seeing me and now it's even stronger. Now she's almost living through memories that don't belong to her and she's going to make herself sick trying to figure it out to help me.”

“You used to-”

Pushing off the table Jon ran a hand over his mouth, the sight still came to him in his sleep sometimes. He'd wake up and all but throw the furs off the two of you to look you over to make sure you were alright. “I dreamt of the night she died. It was the last vision I ever saw of her. On the ground, soaked in her own blood and I kept watching her die over and over again. Then she came back to me, escaped the Boltons, came back to me and brought me back from the dead, Sam.”

Turning back once more Jon knew he looked almost like a wondering boy with fantasies then a man, a King discussing the complexities of his Queen. “She's done more to help me in that one day then I've ever wanted to ask of her, but I don't know how to get it through her head. Everytime I try, it's like she's afraid I'm lying to her or tricking her. Like somewhere inside her, she's scared she's going to wake up and be right back with Ramsay instead of me.”

He couldn't have that. The similarities were all too horrifying. Jon needed a way to get through to you before you were scared you had to have this child because you thought he expected it. Ramsay would've, it was the only reason he wanted you. He wanted you to give him an heir the way Rhaegar only wanted Jons mother to give him a third child. Jon couldn't have the first of your family together start off with those fears still swimming in your head, he couldn't.

Jon knew he's wanted to give you a child since your first night together. He had spilled inside of you secretly begging the gods to let it take, and then when it didn't Jon had to pretend he wasn't completely disappointed. It was far safer for your honour to wait, but that didn't change that Jon had wanted this a long time. Every single time he brewed you moontea he hated it, he wanted to throw it all into the fire and just take you twice more to ensure his seed took deep all over again.

But you came back to life so desperately alone, only to be told your only purpose in this new life was to be used for a child and nothing more. Not to get in the way, do as you were told and have a son and that was all you were needed for. He didn't want you to think that, and it slipped out in the air with Sam before he could contain the thoughts. “I don't want her thinking I did this on purpose.”

Sam though, had spent a good moment looking at him. Not with judgment or searching of guilt, but seeking a genuine raw honesty they both knew was sitting so close to the surface. “Did you?”

The truth between you two was strange. Not a man you ever would once think you'd care to have something in common with and yet at the frozen edge of the world, you and Thoros of Myr were the only ones who understood the turmoil of it all. The conflict. Beric could speak of doing what was told of him for the cause, but he didn't know what it felt like to be the reason it could happen.

Softly, you spoke out in a breathless sentence. “He doesn't understand. Jon tells me he needs me, but he doesn't get it. Not truly. He doesn't know what it feels like to realize your only purpose is him, that you wouldn't be here without him, you'd either be dead or live walking without cause if he weren't still here. That if you lost him, you'd lose the only reason to stay anymore.” Thoros was quiet as you spoke, and there was an eternal gratefulness in you that the night was too dark and wind to strong to see the watering behind your eyes.

“I'm not defending what happened, but you left him once and it brought you to us. And that brought him back to you. Maybe it's the Lord maybe it isn't, but it wasn't only someone elses plans against you, it wasn't vengeance. The only souls in this world who understand what it's like and we were supposed to come together. Beric doesn't understand why I have to bring him back everytime, but I'm willing to wager that if something happened to your King, you'd do everything then more to bring him back.”

Slowly you nodded, and Thoros did too. Bringing something up to his lips before handing it over to you. Turning with a raised eyebrow to the skin in his hand he clarified, “Black strap rum, courtesy of your fathers bannermen.”

Brows narrowing in hesitancy, you accepted it but the moment you opened the cap you glanced with more of a doubting glare. It took but one sip for you to cough before it even went down. A real laugh left him that time, grabbing you by the back of your cloak to keep you steady with one hand as his other went to take it back with a mighty sip for himself. You muttering out as he did so, “That is utterly vile.”

“You don't drink it for the flavour. But we still have time before they come, don't we?” Both of you looking to the green. “We'll find something for you to cope before then. Plenty of ways to self destruct.”

Taken back for a moment Jon asked Sam to repeat himself. “Did you get her pregnant on purpose?”

Jon almost couldn't hide his self doubt. He hadn't even considered that until that moment, but, what else was the alternative? Of course he wanted to get you pregnant, he's wanted that since the moment he came back. But he wouldn't get anything out of coming to Sam with this by lying. “I've always wanted her to be the mother of my children. Part of me hoped it took the night we were together, that first night in Castle Black..”

Opening his mouth to speak, Sam stopped with wider more playful eyes that in an instant had Jon turn inward knowing what was coming. “Oh. You two were...” Searching playfully for the right word he raised his eyebrows at Jon. “Intimate? The night she brought you back? You were that eager, were you?”

Turning away almost in a fidget, Jon rolled his eyes back knowing now he was moving far too much to be casual and both men knowing how much Sam was starting to enjoy teasing Jon about you. Almost mumbling Jon barley got out, unsure if he should even admit it. “I had her naked minutes after I first saw her in front of me.”

Leaning against the table he smirked at Jon, “And you're worried that after what? Nine months? That now is too soon to get her pregnant? By the sounds of it you'd be over the moon if she had right away.” Jon pushed off the table, pacing along the room with nerves once more. “Jon.” Turning halfway to look, Sam had dropped the mocking. “My point is, you've known each other since you were children. You snuck around with her for six years, and now you're married. It's normal for a man to try and get his wife pregnant. You didn't want children because you didn't want them to be bastards, now they won't be. They'll just be yours, and she knows that too. She's going to figure it out eventually.”

Hand running over is face Jon felt the nerves mix with exhaustion and it felt as it it boiled inside of him into something dizzying. “It's just..I hate not being able to help her with this..Ramsay's dead and I still can't make him go away for her..”

Soft as ever, both men looked at one another more vulnerable then some ever let themselves open up in a lifetime. “You can't force her to get better, Jon. You can only show her you'll always be there no matter how long it takes or how hard it gets.” Nodding, Jons head hung for a moment trying to ease his heart into slowing down enough to settle his breathing. “Trust me, it took Gilly and I a lot of work to get to where we are now. You two have known each other for way longer then that, you shouldn't be worse then me at this when you're talking to your own wife.”

“Thoros.”

Turning behind you, the nerves picked up in such a quick instant that you were grateful your hands were already clutched at the furs around you. Harder to see in the dark that way you almost flinched. But Jon stood there up on the so far, empty Wall as if he hadn't relaxed since you last saw him one bit, only having put the dark warm furs around him that blended so well with everything else on him like it was made as such.

Glancing to you for only a moment, Jon directed a quiet but respectful attention back to the man beside you. “I'll take over for you tonight, get some rest.”

A question formed in Thoros's eyes but he nodded. “Much appreciated, your grace.” Not quite passing you by, the slightly slicker Jons eyes slid down to the skin of what you now knew was rum before watching as the man turned the corner eventually to where the lift was.

By the time Jon had turned back, you once more were looking out to the shimmering sea of green against the night sky. Instead of a respectful stance next to you, Jon spared no time in coming up to your back. Not giving you the chance at pulling or pushing him away, Jon wrapped an arm around your front to pull you back into him. The other gloved hand raising up, across your neck to tilt your head enough to the side Jon could partially rest his forehead somewhat against yours.

You could feel him relaxing right away as your own hands came up. One somewhat finding the hand on your stomach, and the other grasping at what you could of his forearm. The wind between you both was cold, loud, and yet so much more peaceful then how you left him hours ago. And you voiced it as such, knowing you had to step up. “I shouldn't have spoken to you that way. I was out of line, and I'm so sorry.”

Sighing deep, you didn't blame him for it. You wouldn't take your apology either.

Instead of replying, Jon adjusted his hand to press yours against the scar over all the layers at your stomach before once again covering it and your hand with his own in the same spot. A gentle rasp in your ear had your eyes fluttering shut briefly at the soothing sensation. “I'm going to say something, and I need you to listen. No arguing, no anything. Just listen.”

You nodded, and for once Jon accepted that as enough for now.

Almost murmuring in your ear, you could feel the faint traces of his curls which fell loose dance across your skin as his thumb rubbed along your jaw. “Everything that's happening, you want to be there for it, help me fight it. But you keep going through waves of being alright and then this, because you refuse to admit you're still scared of him.”

You hated that you knew who he was talking about, and you hated that he was right.

You felt Jons breath dance along your skin as if the feeling itself made it easier to listen. “I let Ramsay say what he said, because no matter what, he had the right to say whatever he wanted his final words to be. But I was wrong about one thing. I should never have let you be there. I should've kept you away, beacuse ever since I took his head all you've been able to do is hear those final words over and over again.”

Shaking your head in denial, you managed to get out just the start of his name as he shushed you quiet again. Pulling you closer to his chest, almost nuzzling what he could reach of your head with his. “No, I know you have. You don't want it to be, but over and over again I know he's still there in your head. You went through hell with him, and I know you've been lying to me about the things he did. Trying to pretend it wasn't as bad as it was.”

Frozen to the spot, you thought for only a second when you realized it. “What are you talking about?”

It was Jons turn to shake his head, pressure on your scar against your hand Jon even closer mumbled into your ear. “I know he did things, made you do things that I never even could've imagined, and I know you don't want me to know because of how you think it'll look. But it doesn't change anything between us. You're scared he's right, that after all he did I won't want you, or I pity you. But he doesn't know me. Never has, and now he never will. Ramsay has no say in how much I will always love you, so I need you to understand me when I say I won't let him come between us anymore.”

You wanted to hide the watering in your eyes, but you had a strong feeling Jon was watching for it anyways. Stuttering barley a breath out, “Jon..everything in my head just feels..it's all wrong.”

Jon however, just kissed he side of it, before kissing the skin just under your ear. Breath hot against you, “Trust me, darling. It isn't just you. You're scared of disappointing me and proving Ramsay right, I'm scared of terrifying you into not wanting anything to do with me beacuse I'm too intense for you now.” Trying to protest in his own defence, Jon continued over your words. “For a year I thought you were dead, and for three and a half years before that you were married to my brother. And the first thing I did when I saw you alive in front of me was strip you naked and fuck you. And if we're being honest with each other, when I spilled inside you that night I was trying not to force you stay on my cock until it took.”

Pushing more against your scar, Jon almost smiled at the small gasp which left you. Looking to the green, but suddenly all you could see within it's shimmer was as if it reflected both you and Jon was you were now in it's sights. “Maybe it would've been easier if it had.” Jon silent, allowing you to elaborate on the thought before it left you. “Something Cersei told me, that if a woman has nothing in her life, she should treasure her child, hold onto one thing that's theirs, that makes sense if only to them.”

A hum vibrated through Jons chest into you, running his thumb more over your hand at your stomach before rasping, “You don't have nothing. You have me, you have your people, your family, you have everything right here waiting for you. And I'll help you however long it takes to get through that beautiful head, that you're allowed to not be alright. I don't want you to get better for anyone sake but your own. But you need to accept that you can't push this all down and pretend that's dealing with it, because now it's only hurting you more.”

As if every inch which Jon could reach of you was warm against the cold winds desperate to sting at the skin exposed. You leaned back almost more to hide from it without committing to turning away. A low murmur only he could hear, as your heart somehow did not beat yet raced all the same. “I haven't felt like myself since I've come back. I don't know if I ever will. I wanted to still give you the version of myself you fell in love with.”

Another large sigh left Jon, but the tone was creeping easier and easier back into being identifiable the more you relaxed against him. His voice low in your ear without ever wanting to move. “I was in love with you when I first caught a glance of you across the yard.” A small smile evident even when you could not see it on him. “I told you, we belong together. You can't get rid of me, and I'll never want you to. I want you by my side, but I'm not asking you to do the work. You're by my side because I love you, that's your job. Be the woman I love, and just let me love you for it.”

Almost giving you a tiny shake, you still managed to miss the brightness in his eyes shine with a smile as you huffed out a laugh. Your heart steadying a little calmer, “Sounds strange to say, but despite everything, life was so much easier when I was with child. We were in the middle of a war, but suddenly the only thing I was supposed to do was what I was raised my whole life to do. Marry a man and have his children, not very complicated it was.”

The whisper in your ear was almost insecure, “Were you happy?” A hum of question left your throat as he clarified. “When you were pregnant, being easy doesn't mean it made you happy. Were you?”

Your eyes narrowed for a small moment as you connected a few dots in your head, the fog clearing a bit more then it had felt for days leaving clues you otherwise missed. A soft smile fell over you, “I was married to a man I loved, and was going to have his child. Of course I was happy. But just beacuse we haven't gotten to the second part of that yet, Jon, doesn't mean it's for a lack of trying. You of all people should know that.” His chuckle pinged at your heart, it always did. “I'm not trying to deny you this, but it took Robb and I two years to get there.”

Only, the conversation you were expecting, wasn't what Jon approached it as. “It won't take two years, I promise.” A confused tilt of your head somewhat, you asked what he meant. Jon, spoke with the confidence of a man who knows what he wants, and suddenly the pressure of his touch against your scar made you lightheaded as he murmured to you. “I stopped brewing you moontea the night we married. It's only taken you and I two months. Not years.”

You were confused, trying to grasp what he was trying to say and- you knew Jon sensed the moment you figured it out. His hold on you was suddenly tight as if trying to keep you comfortingly close and to not let you move away. Your name came carefully from his lips, but you only stood wide eyed.

No longer even seeing the green, you only had one sense and it was the pressure of your hand trying to feel under all your layers. You...two months..the fortnight passed you had started this feeling. It was then you knew something in your head felt wrong but it wasn't that. Only, it was. Your emotions had been all over the place last time, needy, angry, on edge, you were more volatile then usual and you didn't understand why your head felt such a mess.

This time there was simply a bit of a pre existing mess it had to fight for attention with.

Previously you had worried you'd be a mess, conflicted and upset..but you had long moved passed that by now. You knew that, you had been ready the night you let Jon take you on Dragonstone. Yet, without that turmoil of conflict in your soul, you almost didn't know how to react, what to feel this time. Your voice barley there. “How did you-”

Jon luckily read the words in question. “Ghost can sense things we can't. He figured it out right away, I didn't until I was inside his head.” The cold winds no longer flew mindlessly by, it almost seemed to wrap around your limps and cocoon you in a sensation of something frozen to the spot without the sting of the temperature on your skin.

Your fingertips dug into what you could feel of the scar over everything and your heart lept from your chest and out to the world beyond. Almost echoing the words spoken some three years ago but not with quite the same joy, but an exasperated insecurity. “Why would you keep this from me?”

Turning your head moreso to the side, Jon rested his close enough he could almost lean down to nudge your nose with his. Nothing but patience poured from him. “If you haven't noticed, darling, your a bit all over the place lately. I didn't want to tell you while you were upset. I didn't want you to think-”

In what once might have allowed such insecurity to show in your tone, instead it was knocked back and downward by a hint of what could've been guessed was a smile. “You worried I'd feel pressured into it.” A nod was all you got from Jon, but letting your eyes slip closed, you found the bravery in you regardless. Reaching one arm backward, best you could you wrapped it moreso around the back of his neck, resting half along the skin you found there and half in the warm fur around him. Jon moved either closer into your back, or pulled you further into his embrace but his grip grew tighter once more. “I suppose it's only fair. I kept it from Robb, and you kept it from me.”

Were his heart not so heavy in his chest, Jon might have found it in him to chuckle. Instead you heard him roughly forcing a voice back out to the world in low, deep tones. “I know this isn't the life you dreamed of,” Wishing his grip wasn't so tight, you'd have turned to face him by now. Only this time you senses he was now the one hiding from you in a way.

Before the unsure feeling coming from on Jon could continue, you did what he seemed to be so good at with you. “Jon, the past is the past. I can't go back and wish I could change it now. You're my future now, and so the life I dream of is whatever we decide.”

He didn't say anything for a bit and neither did you. It wasn't the perfect portrait of a normal, joyous couple with such celebrating news, but perhaps that wouldn't suit you both. Not anymore. But surprisingly it was you who broke the quiet. The heavy weight you were so sure would burden you down with, it wasn't there. Not really.

You had made your peace with the life you lost, now it was the tormenting start of your new life plaguing your mind. But that shouldn't ruin this, they had no right being connected. “I believe that makes what? Four vows I've helped you break?”

Jon all but hid his face in your neck, muffled voice vibrating against you. “My father would be disappointed.”

Moving your hand back, you tried to keep him gently against you as much as you could manage from here. Leaning your head against his, there was the confidence in your voice to placate his insecure ones just as Jon would do for yours so often. “You are everything in a son a father could ask for. And I know yours is proud of you. He's always was proud, and he still is of who you've become. As is your mother.”

His hand over yours on your stomach tightened. After everything Jon had done to bring you back down to earth, he now was the one who didn't have the words anymore. But you didn't need him too. He wanted to focus on you as you did him.

And you knew Jon had forgotten, he lived an entire life thinking this would be something he would or could never have. He was so worried about how you'd react, you were starting to think it wasn't until right now Jon let himself truly feel something raw about it. But you'd let him take his time, just like he had with you. There was much to do come morning, but for now, the rest of the world and it's plights didn't get to exist. Not between you both, not right now.

Until the morning sun finally raised it's weary head, there was nothing up on the top of the Wall except you, Jon, and the new growing life he gifted you, against the otherworldly sight of a shimmering green winter sky.

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