#Gotten back into overthinking everything and I need to. God I need to make a list of everything to look for. Like a chart. Or something

[hermitw]

I gotta pay constant attention to Sukuna's nails on my next jjk read but I'm thinking that

True form Sukuna didn't have painted nails anymore bc

Black was a color of purity in the Heian era

And Sukuna felt evil after putting Fushiguro through all that

(idk the significance of nail length tho - for now I just think that it's Sukuna's lashing out after being repressed, or it was a part of the mummification process and more convenient without the nails, or it was an oversight in shibuya bc sukuna woke up in that vulnerable position and had to overcompensate to redeem Edgelord Status as a defense mechanism - or Sukuna had long nails to appear more threatening when Yuuji hadn't eaten many fingers)

I haven't found anything on fingernail length in the Heian Era, or in Ainu culture - but there are photos of Ainu women with every nail style we see on Sukuna, so that's.... Something... (please help me out if you know more I need to know everything)

Ok update! It looks like megkuna began and ended without painted nails - which means that Sukuna felt guilty for continuing the cycle of abuse by transferring into Fushiguro's body.

[georgeweasleyslostearhq]

I accidentally deleted this request but i still remember it. so I apologise to who requested it!

Prompt 8: Secret Santa

Prompt 19: "I know it's not much but-" "-it's perfect"

SECRET SANTA

Pairings: Eddie Munson x Fem! Summary: in which your friend group decides to do a secret Santa. and Eddie doesn't really care, not until he sees who he got. Warnings: One use of Y/n, I'm sorry, ok?!

🦌𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ་༘࿐⋆꙳❆⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°°‧❆⋆.ೃ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶ

🦌𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ་༘࿐⋆꙳❆⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°°‧❆⋆.ೃ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶ

Eddie dug a ringed hand into the beanie that Steve had brought around the group.

He didn't really care for this, whoever he got he was going to chuck a few chocolates and candy their way and call it a day. he didn't have the money nor the energy to actually do this activity right.

i know what you're thinking. if he didn't want to do it then why is he here, in Steve Harrington's Livingroom with all his friends doing this?

well the answer to that question is the echo of your laugh ringing in his ear as he pulled the name out of the beanie.

Steve moved on and waved the hat in front of Dustin, who was too busy trying to see who Eddie had gotten to realise it was his turn

Eddie flipped open the piece of ripped paper and there he saw your neat handwriting, your name written so perfectly.

maybe he would try.

🦌𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ་༘࿐⋆꙳❆⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°°‧❆⋆.ೃ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶ

Eddie frowned. A week had past and he had no idea what to get you. At this point, it would be easier to slap a bar of chocolate and call it a day.

But he couldn't do that

There had to be some kind of thought behind it

If he just bought a quick snack for you to eat you would probably assume he doesn't care about you. Which is totally not true.

And what if he didn't get the brand you like? What if you were allergic to the flavour he got? What if you just didn't like chocolate

Eddie was becoming a mad man, overthinking everything.

You like music. He doesn't know what bands though

You like art, but are you more of a drawer or painter?

You like animals. But he can't get you a pet

This was so bullshit

Only girls know what to buy girls

So he went to one of the weirdest and coolest girls he knows.

"Robin, you're a girl" Eddie fidgeted as he slowed down to walk with her

The group were out in town for a lunch at the diner and he took his chance when he saw you walking at the front with Steve, ignoring the bubbling of jealousy, he stayed behind to ask Robin a question that was killing him on the inside

"Good observation skills you got there, dimwit" she snorted. Shaking her head disapprovingly

"No- I mean.. what do you buy for a girl?" He asked nervously, scratching the back of his neck

"Are we talking a little kid or do you mean a woman, Eddie?" The blonde girl replied. Of course she knows what he means, she just likes winding him up

Eddie sighed "a woman, Robin"

"And would this be for the secret santa?" Robin questioned knowingly

"Robin, just please" he begged.

Eddie needed help, he needed to know what to get you, to impress you

It was like the gods have given him a chance. And he'd be dammed if he got you a gift you hated

"You got Y/n, didn't you?" The Buckley girl asked

How does she do that? Eddie thought to himself

"No..."

"Aren't you friends with her? You should know what to get her" Robin shrugged

Which then raised the question

He is friends with you, right? He counted you as a friend, but did you count him as one?

Either way. Eddie definitely didn't talk to you as much as he'd like to.

Which makes him think, does he love you when he doesn't know anything about you

Wait.. he loves you?

"Robin, please, I'm freaking out here.. we give presents in 3 days and I have no ideas on what to get her"

"I heard her talking about how she needs a new bra the other day" his friend said casually

Eddie's steps came to a halt as he feels his whole body heat up. Robin laughs to herself seeing Eddie's red face and pink ears, blushing like a mad mad.

He can't get you a bra...isn't that.. harassment? Eddie thought to himself

"No.. I'm not getting her a new bra.. anything that isn't... weird"

"Oh well if you said not weird then I have a whole bunch of things you can get her!" Robin smiles cheerfully

That was a lie.

Robin had started blackheads at the curly headed boy who smiled back enthusiastically, asking what it is

"Eddie, you... poor man... there isn't anything you could give her that isn't weird... because its you"

Ouch.

Plan Robin was a fail.

🦌𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ་༘࿐⋆꙳❆⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°°‧❆⋆.ೃ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶ

Eddie layed in his bed. Hands together in his chest and he stared up at his ceiling

He was supposed to be leaving in 20 minutes but he couldn't bring himself to get out of bed

Not when the plush toy stared at him from his desk, taunting him.

He can't show up to Steve's house to give you a stupid teddy bear. He'd look like a fucking idiot.

He leaned up, staring at the soft plush animal. He was told it was your favourite animal by Robin, the only semi-useful thing she had told him 3 days ago.

He frowned, it wasn't even fucking wrapped!

He got up. Going to the cupboard, he didn't have wrapping paper.. but he had old newspapers that he used to use for craft laying around. He could use that, right?

.

He glared down at the present. A lump of paper strangled by a whole roll of tape.

He wasn't the best wrapper, ok?

Eddie thumped his head on his desk, banging it until he groaned in pain, holding his temple, shaking his head

This was useless. He's not going. He can't go. He won't do it to himself.

He rubbed his hands down his face. His tired and lazy eyes met with the little figurines he had personally made for dnd.

Of course. How could he be so stupid? He cursed himself for forgetting that he had made a little figure that represented you a few months back.

It wasn't for you, per se, but he wanted to secretly incorporate you in the game. You didn't even play, so it wasn't like you could call him out saying the little elf princess resembled you.

If he gave you this it would be seen as thoughtful and maybe even flattering, that he took the time to make you. Which he did do, but this way if was less creepy.

🦌𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ་༘࿐⋆꙳❆⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°°‧❆⋆.ೃ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶ

Eddie walked into Steve's living room, gift in hands with a sheepish smile.

Seeing you there, next to Robin, almost made his balls sweat. You looked beautiful.. you weren't gonna like his gift, but before he could turn back, Robin greeted him happily.

Jesus H Christ, Robin Buckley.

Eddie's smile tightened as you looked over, a soft smile planted on your plush lips as you said hello.

He lifted his hand to wave but slapped it back to his side quickly before going over to the tree. This was going to kill him.

He sat beside Dustin and made short conversation with the freshmen when he heard a hushed whisper of his name.

You were looking over at him when he looked back. You quickly turned away, your face flushing red as Eddie frowned

Were you making fun of him? Teasing him? Right, you must have thought you were a freak just like the rest of them.

It was hopeless, loving you. After so long you'd think he would learn to move on. Or maybe actually pack up the courage to talk to you, even in a group setting.

It was beyond you, the way he felt towards you. You assumed he didn't like you cause he never made any attempt to talk to you, and when you'd go up to start a conversation with him, he'd rush away, having something brilliant to say to Dustin. So you just gave up trying to be his friend, if he didn't like you.

But it was too late to take his gift back and run because Steve had announced it was gift time.

One by one, each member of the group went up to the tree and found the gift with their name on it.

Eddie stood up and grabbed the box, wrapped neatly in red and green wrapping paper, stuck together with a bow on the top. His name written messily on a ripped piece of paper that was taped to the top.

Dustin shook his box as Eddie sat back down, While You got up to get your gift.

Eddie nervously watched as you walked up to the tree. Looking down at the two presents left. You frowned at you picked it up, going back to your spot on the couch

You haven't even opened it and you already hated it.

Then one by one they started to open the presents. Guessing who had gifted them the present in their hands, Dustin had Guessed Lucas, Lucas had guessed Robin, Robin had guessed Mike, Mike had guessed Steve, Steve had guessed Mike, Eddie had guessed Nancy, Nancy had guessed you..

And as you opened your gift, tearing open the plush toy, your eyes immediately went to Robin, and you shook your head, smiling softly, noticing the small wrapped present.

You didn't take it out from the box as you opened it, but he could tell your reaction was mixed by the squint in your eye that was quickly replaced by a wide eye grin. Your gaze lifted and landed on Eddie.

You guessed him.

🦌𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ་༘࿐⋆꙳❆⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°°‧❆⋆.ೃ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶ

Eddie fought to catch you before you left. Making sure he was the last person to say goodbye as you left the Harrington home.

He followed you out, right to your car door before he stopped you.

The plushie raised to your chest as you snugged the soft fur of it. The figurine you kept in the small box he had put it in, held in your hand as he smiled sheepishly at you

"I uh-" he stopped himself, itching the back of his neck

He should run while he can, save himself from the embarrassment before you turn him away.

You don't even like him, right?

"I hope you like the gifts" he settled for., eyes tearing away from yours as he lazily pointed to the plush and the box.

"I do.. their really cute, thank you" you beamed up at him

Cute? You called him cute?! -oh wait

His faint blush drained from his face when he realised he misheard you.

"I know it's not much but-" he looked down at the floor before you cut him off

"-it's perfect"

Eddie looked back up at you, eyebrows raised "Yeah?"

"Yeah" you nodded "you can never have enough toys on your bed. I swear my bed it full of them.. and the figurine, wow.. the detail is amazing, Eddie.. I can't believe you'd do that"

Of course he'd do that. Totally not for his enjoyment for making the game better, but for you to enjoy, maybe on display or in the trash, he doesn't care.

-he does-

"I know you don't play but-" he started before you cut him off again

"I was actually hoping to ask if you'd want to teach me how to play... you guys reference it so much I just wanted to understand it.. if you want to?" You asked

"Of course I want to! I mean hellfire could use someone like you" he stood up straighter

You were interested in him? Well not him but- yeah sure let's go with him, for his sake.

"Someone like me?" You questioned teasingly

"A-an elven princess" he pointed to the little box in your hand.

You hummed and smiled, looking up at him so gently it made him want to faint.

After a moment of silence, Eddie decided that was enough because if he stared at you for one more second trying not to tell (scream) that he loves you, he would break.

"Well.. merry Christmas" he smiled tightly before backing up

"Oh, Eddie, Wait" you stopped him, opening your care door and placing the gifts on your passenger seat before leaning over to the back.

Eddie stood in his place, trying not to stare at your ass as you leaned over. He closed his eyes, licking his lips.

When his eyes fluttered open again, you were right in front of him, holding out a little wrapped box with a cute bow in it.

He looked up at you, confused before you leaned up and kissed him on the cheek

"Merry Christmas, Eds"

You backed away. Your hands together, fiddling with your fingers as if you were nervous. You got in your care and shut the door when he finally realised you had given him a gift.

As as you drove away, he opened it.

Opening the small box, his heart almost skipped a beat.

It wasn't much, but to Eddie it meant everything.

It made him know that you pay attention, that maybe you care about him, maybe in the way he does you.

And it was even sweeter because you didn't have to get him anything, you weren't his Santa.

You got him a ring

🦌𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ་༘࿐⋆꙳❆⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°°‧❆⋆.ೃ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶ

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY

[joaniscruzing]

sailor song - part 1 - e.w.

I am so glad to be writing a series again you guys! Heads up though, I am in school now, so I do need to focus on my studies, which means I can't crank out chapters once a day like I used to!

Y'all. I love Jackson Ellie. I legit have a Halloween costume of this on standby.

Summary: Mostly exposition, reader meets Ellie after a lot of staring from afar.

Warnings: Talks of religion

A/N: I'm trying to set this on after the events of TLOU II. In my head, I always feel like Ellie went back to Jackson and tried to start over and forget everything. I feel like she'd try to better herself, especially after literally losing everything. Also, let me know if you'd like to be tagged in the next chapter.

⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰

In Jackson, you normally went on about your day. You would wake up, pray, have the occasional outing, go on patrol, and then go back to your abode, where you would sleep. You always noticed Ellie though. Her presence, full of light, darkening as time passed, always penetrated your carelessness towards any outside happenings–or people.

You liked how Ellie carried herself, confident, and taking no shit from nobody. However, you also knew of Ellie’s sexuality, which, in your books, was a sin. While you would typically disregard sinners, there was just something about Ellie that drew you in. You didn’t know if it was the two pools of green mystery that were her eyes, or her low, but enchanting voice. Sometimes you would look from afar, watching her laugh as she smoked her joint and coughed, wondering if you and her would ever cross paths in the future. You presumed that she was too cool for you, too rebellious. In fact, you thought that in a normal world, she’d be a celebrity, as famous as Anne Hathaway, an actress from a movie you had loved watching during the movie nights in Jackson as a little kid, The Princess Diaries.

You didn’t know why you were religious, you supposed that it was a way for you to make some sense of the situation around you. After all, you could sum up this apocalypse as just part of God’s plan; and you wouldn’t have to overthink about the issues that came from it and the harshness of the situation. That aside, you wore the cross necklace you found one day while exploring some abandoned building out of boredom proudly and constantly. You read your bible every night, in hopes that maybe it would help you understand your circumstances, and in hopes that there would be a heaven for you to go to in the future.

One day though, after a rather sleepless night, you found yourself heading into town for coffee, looking rather disheveled. You were so tired, in fact, that you didn’t realize that your coffee was sloshing all around in its cup, and getting all over you.

“Hey!” Ellie called, running behind you.

“Huh?” you replied wearily, snapping out of it immediately when you realized who it was. Crap. It’s Ellie Williams.

“Hey, uh, you seem like you shouldn’t be running back to your house with burning hot coffee. Why don’t you come over here for a bit and drink it?”

“Oh, I didn’t realize that the coffee had gotten all over me. Please excuse my appearance,” you reply embarrassedly, “I’m fine though, thank you for the offer.”

“Then I’ll go with you to your house then.”

“Okay, didn’t realize you’re into stalking.”

“I’m into a lot more than just stalking” 

Your cheeks burn like hot coals. “I suppose I can drink some coffee with you.”

“Alright then. Should we go back to your house?”

“No, no, we can drink some coffee at that table over there.”

“Are you hiding something?” You look her in the eyes. You sense a twinge of skeptical energy coming from her, which, per the rumors you heard, was never a good sign.

“No! My house just isn’t clean right now.”

With that, you and Ellie sit down and you drink your coffee.

“Do you want me to get you some?”

“Oh fuck no, I’ve always hated coffee.”

[luv3ji]

Lessons from Love cook

ZoSan, Zoro x fem!reader

You'll only get married once. That's why Zoro wants to make sure that everything is memorable and perfect—even if it means that he’ll need to ask for help from the cook.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: ~1,000

Content Notes: Zoro x fem!reader, Lighthearted rivalry, wedding fluff, minor physical comedy, Zosaaaaan!!(⁠*⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠)⁠/⁠～⁠♡

Zoro is about to do something incredibly stupid.

That in itself wasn’t new. He had charged into battles he probably shouldn’t have, gotten lost in places he definitely shouldn’t have, and pushed his body past its limits more times than he could count. But this?

This was humiliating.

And yet, here he was, standing in the kitchen doorway, arms crossed tightly over his chest, scowling at the blond bastard currently humming to himself while stirring a pot.

Sanji. Of all people.

The longer he stood there, the worse it felt. He should just turn around and figure it out himself. How hard could it really be? You pick someone up and carry them. Easy. But every time he tried to picture it, he kept overthinking. What if he dropped you? What if he held you wrong? What if he made a complete fool of himself in front of everyone on your wedding day? No. He wasn’t going to risk that.

He exhaled sharply through his nose before speaking up. “…Oi. Cook.”

Sanji didn’t even glance up. “Booze at 8 o'clock in the morning? That's a new record for you.”

“It’s not that,” Zoro muttered, shifting his weight awkwardly.

That got Sanji’s attention. He turned, giving Zoro a once-over, eyes narrowing slightly.

“…Then what?”

Zoro clenched his jaw, barely getting the words out. “I need you to—” He gritted his teeth. “—teach me how to properly carry a woman. Bridal style. I want it to do it for her.”

The silence that followed was absolute.

Then—

Sanji wheezed. Not just a chuckle. Not just a smirk. A full, body-shaking, knee-slapping, air-gasping laugh.

Zoro’s entire face twitched. “I will actually kill you.”

Sanji barely managed to compose himself, wiping at his eyes as he grinned. “Oh, this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“I swear to god, cook—”

“You—asking me—for help?!” Sanji clutched the counter, still grinning like an idiot. “Oh, if only I had a camera. This moment deserves to be immortalized.”

Zoro was so close to storming out. But he forced himself to stay. He had already come this far, and if he left now, Sanji would never let him live it down.

“Are you done?” Zoro growled.

Sanji sighed dramatically, stretching like this was the greatest inconvenience in the world. “Alright, alright. Let’s do this properly.”

Properly, as it turned out, meant humiliation.

Sanji led him to the deck—the damn deck, where anyone could walk by at any moment. Then, to make things worse, Sanji stood in front of him, arms outstretched.

“Alright, moss-for-brains,” he said, grinning. “Pick me up.”

Zoro froze. “…What.”

“If you’re gonna learn, you need to start with me.”

“I am not carrying you.”

Sanji raised an eyebrow. “Oh? So what was all that about ‘help me, Sanji, I’m too dumb to figure this out on my own’?”

“I never said that.”

Sanji smirked. “You might as well have.”

Zoro gritted his teeth. Every instinct in his body told him to just walk away. But he had already come this far. And the wedding was only a few days away. If he messed this up, you’d probably laugh, and he didn’t want to disappoint you.

So, grudgingly, he stepped forward, gripped Sanji’s back and knees, and lifted.

It was too easy. He barely felt the weight. But that wasn’t the problem.

The problem was that Sanji—Sanji, the absolute bastard—wrapped his arms around Zoro’s neck, batted his eyelashes, and whispered, “Oh, my hero~”

Zoro dropped him.

Hard.

“ACK—!!” Sanji hit the deck with a loud thud, groaning in pain. “You absolute asshole—”

Zoro dusted off his hands. “Lesson’s over.”

“Oh, no, it’s not.” Sanji grabbed his ankle. “You want to do it for her, correct? Do it right.”

By the time the actual wedding arrived, Zoro thought he was prepared.

The ceremony was beautiful. The sun hung low in the sky, painting everything in gold. The crew had gone all out. Franky built a gorgeous wooden arch, draped in fabric, with lanterns strung across the deck. Robin and Nami helped you into your outfit, Luffy barely managed to sit still, and Chopper fussed over everyone, making sure things were perfect.

Zoro didn’t care about any of that. He cared about you. And as you walked toward him, smiling so bright it made his chest ache, he knew that he’d do anything to keep you happy.

Then came the moment.

Slowly, carefully, he stepped forward. His arms slid under your knees and back, and with one smooth motion— He lifted you.

Perfectly.

Zoro looked down at you, heart pounding. “Comfortable?”

You smiled. “Very.”

For the first time all day, Zoro let himself relax.

The crew went wild.

“SUUUUPER BEAUTIFUL!!” Franky sobbed uncontrollably, tears streaming down his face.

“BRO, YOU NAILED IT!” Usopp fist-pumped. “I mean, I totally called it...you know, since I gave him secret training—”

“You did not,” Nami scoffed, smirking. “But I’ll admit—that was romantic.”

Robin chuckled softly, watching with amusement. “He’s quite the natural.”

“ZORO IS SO COOL!” Chopper yelled, practically bouncing.

Brook tilted his skull. “Ah, if only I had eyes to cry tears of joy! Yohohoho!”

Luffy, sitting on the railing, grinned wide. “Oi, Zoro! You actually did it!”

Sanji, leaning lazily against the bar, took a long drag of his cigarette. “Not bad, mosshead,” he said, smirking. “Guess you’re not completely useless.”

Zoro rolled his eyes, but as he held you in his arms, he couldn’t even be mad. Because at the end of the day, it had all been worth it.

Even the damn cook’s help.

[jazeswhbhaven]

Funny that Ch 7 finally came out just when I was going to leave WHB aside. I mean I still did because now it's just a game that I don't touch until it updates with something worth reading. Anyway back to my overthinking nonsense and I'm running on 3 hours of sleep so here we go!

Someone on twitter pointed something out of the fact Foras seems to not mind at all about MC taking every demon dick possible, but yet he gets pissed of the idea that MC has a baby with their childhood friend. Listen, Foras is my favorite, but it all goes back to PB's questionable choices in writing. I can overlook the whole being a peeping tom while invisible but I do wonder why they gave a voyeur philia to an Envy-based devil and be so inconsistent with it. I mean I guess it gives writers Yandere opportunities but I'm not a fan of that genre. I love the Foras content, what I don't love that he's madly in love with a terrible MC. Do better my guy, there's a ton of people out there who would love you better than that default MC, who won't love you at all because they're taking multiple dicks in less than 24 hours.

Speaking of bad PB writing, it seems like the general consensus is Levi needs to be kicked down several flights of stairs and as someone who initially picked him and liked him, I REALLY agree because....seriously what the hell did I read? I hate that I focus on the negative stuff but honestly where did the development of Ch.6 go? Just when it felt okay, that trainwreck of dealing with Levi getting plot armor and MC being a wet blanket again. IDK if I'm being choked I'd fight my way out or something, or panic. Not my last thoughts being Levi has a bad past and then cry about that, and god why did they have to write in the "WAAAAHHHHH" parts? Like no one's written that way since early 2000s, at least for me. Like I would like to say MC has gained some backbone but I really don't see it. They're just existing to be every demon's sex toy.

I skipped the H scenes actually, mainly because I just don't have interest in them. But I know MC is loathing Barbatos for the poison thing which is the ONLY thing that's consistent here. But like, PB does that to Barbatos, but Levi has gotten how many passes from trying to kill MC? Foras even got slapped for protecting MC. wtf is this inconsistency? Seriously I'm revoking WHB rights from PB and giving it to someone else. Just anyone who can actually make this game good in writing, gameplay, and features. delete the MC please. Delete Levi too, or at least delete the entirety of that scene because man I cannot right now.

And the PG 13 WHB game? Seriously what the hell is going on here? You spend resources to make a rated 13 game that is actually WORSE than your existing one instead of focusing on improving the existing one?

thank god for this community existing to keep everyone fed.

-💭

And another inbox thought from 💭 anon (this isn't a bad thing I like reading them)

First and foremost like to point out what you said about speaking in negativity, which I mean...you're pointing out something you'd like to see done better and I think that warrants a valid viewpoint. Anything other than "I just don't like PB or this game, fuck it all" (this is fine to admit too but at some point saying it more than once or twice means you probably should just not play or pay attention to the fandom lol)

I do wish PB would remember their own details for characters between making the side stories actually coexist and be canon with one another but in the main story suddenly MC just forgets everything that they learned in the side stories? I need a better what happened in what time frame because piecing it together myself just has me wondering if I'm even correct.

Now speaking on Foras??? I believe they may have wrote that weird instance of immense jealously because while he knows he can compete with everyone else other than Levi, he can't compare to a human child created by another 'human' (because I'm second guessing if Minhyeok is actually human now). But that's my wishful thinking of why they had Foras act like that.

And usually I'd talk about MC, but I am exhausted about talking about them. Everyone here knows how I feel about them at this point to where it's embarrassing lol It's the same with the pg13 version. I've seen a few opinions formed about it, and I'm like yeah what a waste of time and money on their part. And that Levi scene? Yeah I've spoke on that too, 💀

As far as stepping away from the game until there's something worth signing in for, I'm hoping there's some hope for old players to come back because something cool did happen! With the updated designs, and new bloodshed cards, I'm hoping they've got something good coming up!

[l33bang24]

OMG It’s You… (Part 2.5)

YouTuber! Fem reader x Stray Kids

Summary: Y/N’s YouTube channel is taking off after her reactions to Stray Kids MV God’s Menu. Now she’s making videos nonstop along with working a full time job. What would happen if she got offered a job of a lifetime and met the boys of her succession?

⚠️Warning⚠️: mild cursing, anxiety, overthinking

🏷️: @laylasbunbunny @weirdowithaphone @silverstarburst @jusanontstuff @anxiousskylar @drewsandsebastianswife @amararosesblog @niaalove (Taglist open)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 6.5 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N’s POV

I rolled out of bed when I heard my alarm go off. I’ve had a motivation block lately (don’t ask me where I came up with that). Some days I just don’t have the energy to get in front of a camera because that said energy gets sucked out from work. Work can be a pain in the ass sometimes, however it brings in money that pays bills even helps with the channel. When I first started the channel, I didn’t have a lot of equipment. I started off with the bare minimum with the money I had leftover from paying bills. Once I had the starting equipment like a microphone, headphones, camera, etc., then I had to come up with the channel name. I ended up with y/c/n because it sounded like me. I knew from the start that I wouldn’t get a lot of views, still that didn’t help my anxiety any.

I try not to let things get to me, though it can be hard when you constantly don’t feel like you’re good enough. Anxiety and overthinking can make a person feel like that, even in situations that have nothing to do with you, yet you still worry about things you can’t control. I started getting ready for work, already dreading going in. Hoping that maybe today would be an easy day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t an easy day, it was actually the worst really. I am actually glad it’s the weekend though. I’ll have to rest up before I start up a new video. I’ve gotten into the routine of posting at least one to two videos a week (three if I’m feeling frisky). That way I can have time to go in and make edits of what I’ve recorded. I learned how to get a little creative with my videos over time, especially when I started moving my hands around when I’m talking. ‘You mean when you start rambling about a topic for hours?’ I hear my inner thoughts say.

I decided to take the rest of the day to relax since I have been running around all day at work. ‘I’ll just start filming tomorrow. That way I’m rested up from this hectic week and can be productive these next couple of days.’ I tell myself.

The Following Day

Taking a sip of my freshly brewed coffee, I hummed in delight. I took in my surroundings now that I have some caffeine in my system. It was a beautiful day outside. Feeling the morning breeze blow through the air ruffling the trees. Being able to sit on the back porch and take in the scenery with a cup of coffee in your hand makes everything feel simpler. Easier. Just for a moment.

I knew today would be a little busy for me but that’s what happens when you decide to make a YouTube reaction channel, especially when it’s about K-Pop. I had recently seen where I’ve now reached over 300K followers on YouTube. I need to make sure I mention that in my video. I didn’t do it once and the fans didn’t like that, not that I didn’t want to do it. I just didn’t pay it any attention. If I did that would really make my anxiety level go up and I don’t need that.

After finishing my coffee, I decided to go ahead and get started on making some new videos. I pulled my computer and monitors up, making sure that my microphone and headphones were up and ready to go. The last thing being my camera. Checking my monitor to make sure I have it positioned where I want it and that my main screen, where I show what I’m watching, is up as well. Once everything is to my liking, I take a deep breath and think about something that makes me happy to brighten up my mood. Clicking the record button, counting to three, I start my intro.

“Good Morning Lovelies! How are y’all doing this morning?” Taking a pause, I start again. “I hope you’re all doing well. Eating well, sleeping well, and going outside to enjoy the weather. It’s pretty outside today. I decided I’d have my morning coffee out there. Maybe next time I’ll film a little video for y’all, I’d think you���d enjoy it as well. Anyways before I get off track, today we are going to be watching the newest SKZ Code that came out recently. I always wait in case there’s a part two. So that way I can watch it back to back and not wait for the second part to come out. I believe most of you know this by now, though we also have new followers who don’t know that. Now I’m getting off track, haha. I can’t help it y’all, you know this. Okay! Let’s get started before I talk your ear off.” I smile looking at my main monitor that holds my videos for the day. I write down on my sticky notes nearby about the 300K followers so that way I don’t forget. I play the videos that I prepared for the day, laughing my ass off at the boys being silly. Occasionally wiping a stray tear from laughing so hard. Stopping to talk about my favorite parts or having to go back and rewatch a part just to laugh twice as hard as the first time.

Towards the end I look down at the sticky note I prepared. Getting ready to end the video I tell myself what I need to say. “Well, that’s it for the video today! I hope enjoyed it as much as I did, but before I let you go I have some thing I need to say. This channel just hit the 300K subscribers within this past week!! I’m so happy that people love watching Stray Kids as much as I do. I do more than just Stray Kids on here, but my Stray Kids videos get way more views than the others. I don’t like being biased to just one group but Stray Kids has always been the closest to my heart and I know my fellow Stays know that as well. And to Stray Kids if you ever see this, I hope you know just how much we love and appreciate everything that you do.” I smile at the camera. “Thank you everyone for supporting me and continuing to support me. Until then I will see you in the next video.” I do a two finger salute to the camera. “Bye!”

(A/N: Hi everyone! So I tried to get the whole part 2 together but I couldn’t figure out how to at more text under the pictures so I just made a second post to it. If anyone knows how I could do that please let me know because there might be more coming. Anyways thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it!)

[digitaldiarystuff]

Worst Mistake Pt.3

omg i’m so sorry i cut here but i want to know your thoughts on the story so any comment will be appreciated 💖

————

pairing: Jude Bellingham x Y/N

summary: Jude was a close friend of your boyfriend, so you meet him. What’s the worst thing that could happen right?

genre: i think a bit of everything

————

“Hey baby” Zack said as he entered your house with a bouquet of roses in his hands.

After your day with Jude, your conscience never shut up telling you how bad of a girlfriend you are so you decided to spend some quality time with your boyfriend tonight. You prepared a candle lit dinner and dolled up, wearing a mini dress with heels for a romantic evening and Zack brought flowers.

“Oh god, you look amazing.” he said while leaning in to give you a kiss and you just pecked his lips and turned feeling awkward, this was so stupid. You never felt weird kissing Zack.

You ate dinner and it was actually quite nice, after that you tried to put the dishes away but Zack came behind you and placed his hands on your hips.

“The dishes can wait, but I can’t” he said while placing little kisses on your exposed shoulders and neck, you stiffened up for a moment but decided you both needed this and relaxed into his touch.

“You are so hot.” he kept on going until you were feeling the vibes and you placed your hands in his hair. He was now full on sucking on your neck and behind your ear. However as everything was going well, a small voice in the back of your head asked what it’d feel like if Jude’s the one making you feel good right now and you completely lost it. You already had some weird feelings but never really thought about having intimacy with Jude like this, this was going too far.

Zack was taken aback with your sudden neediness, you took him by the wrist and went into your bedroom. You wanted him to fuck you so good that Jude’s name would disappear forever.

“What’s gotten into you?” Zack jokingly asked in between kisses and you laying him down and straddling his hips.

“Nothing, I just want you” you simply answered and he was good with that explanation.

That night, you had intimacy with your boyfriend while someone else was in your mind. You couldn’t feel more disgusted.

The next time you and Jude spent time in the same place was a few days later. He was having a party at his house and you and Zack were of course invited, in fact he texted you to make sure you got his invitation through Zack. You said you were going and thanked him but kept the conversation short.

You arrived ar Jude’s house around 10 and the place looked amazing, you didn’t know if he hired a designer or changed some things himself but it was just like you imagined.

“Everything looks lovely.” you said while giving him a hug. You were adamant about shutting your feelings down and just be civil with him.

“I’m so glad you like it.” he flashed a smile at you and you tried your hardest not to overthink his statement.

You stuck by Zack all night not to find yourself in an awkward situation with Jude and your plan worked for quite a while but Zack got a phone call from his mom to drop something off at their place and had to leave you at the party for a while.

“I can come with” you said getting up from your seat but he motioned you to stay.

“You don’t have to, I’ll just be in and out. Just stay here and enjoy yourself.” he said and left you with a scowl on your face. You tried to occupy yourself with your phone but sooner than later your thirst got the best of you and you walked into the kitchen. Just as you were pouring yourself a drink, you turned your head to the patio to see a girl all over Jude. She was basically trying to dry hump him while he had his eyes closed, you stood there stone faced not knowing how to act but you must’ve been focusing for a while because Jude suddenly opened his eyes as the girl moved onto his neck and chest. He locked eyes with you immediately and you knew you should’ve looked down and let them do whatever they wanted but couldn’t. Your eyes couldn’t leave his and you could almost see them getting darker and darker. His stare was full of lust and emotion but you didn’t know who it was about.

This was good, you thought. At least now you knew he was just being polite and platonic with you, you misread the whole situation and you should relax from now on but why was there a heavy feeling in your chest threatening to burn your eyes then?

Finally, you decided it was creepy and hastily left the kitchen to find a place to sit but your place on the sofa was already taken by now so you walked around and stumbled upon presumably a guest bedroom. It was neutral themed and barely looked slept in, you slowly closed the door behind you to finally breathe for a while but as soon as you sat on the bed the door opened revealing a worried Jude.

“Jude?” you asked

“Y/N” he answered but his tone was much more strained and you thought it was the previous activities that got him riled up. He was also slurring a little, you figured he just had too many drinks.

“Oh, do you need the room? I can just…” you said trying to finish this encounter as fast as possible but he stepped across from you and blocked your body with his.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” you asked looking at your feet.

“I don’t know, I mean I just…”

“I should go Jude, Zack should be here any minute.” you tried to walk past him one more time but this time he didn’t physically stop you just scoffed.

“What was that?” you asked

“Nothing” he said clearly overly intoxicated.

“What’s going on Jude?” you pressed.

“You know he doesn’t deserve you, right?”

You were shocked at his response and couldn’t form a coherent sentence at first?”

“What?”

“He doesn’t and you know it, he never did.” he said but refused to explain further.

“You’re drunk and I think you’re saying things you don’t actually think.” you reasoned with him afraid of what his next move would be.

“You fucking don’t deserve it Y/N, do you understand me?” he slammed his hand on the bed sitting next to you. He left nearly no space between you and his scent invaded your senses compelling you.

“I don’t deserve what, Jude?” you cautiously asked. You thought this conversation was going to go a lot more different.

“He cheats on you, he cheated in Mykonos he’s cheating now and I fucking hate him for it. You deserve so much better.”

His confession hit you like a ton of bricks but you reminded yourself that he was drunk and probably didn’t even know what he’s saying.

“Jude, I think you’re confused. I mean, he- he wouldn’t do that.” you said but his sad eyes made you question your whole relationship within seconds. No, no you couldn’t do that.

“Jude you’re being mean.”

“I’m not being mean, believe me I never want to hurt you.” he said leaning in a little and placing his hand on your cheek. You wanted to slap him and kiss him at the same time. Your eyes dropped to his lips for a second and he did the same, you could see his eyes in a new way, you felt like you could stare into his soul with your close proximity.

“So you’re not lying” you asked again and again trying to understand but his closeness calmed you like nothing could. You should’ve been fuming breaking things but you sat there with Jude’s hand caressing your cheek slowly.

He slowly shook his head and you knew. You just believed him and this time, you didn’t run. Instead you leaned into his touch and pressed your lips against his in an instant.

There was no turning back.

[solsticelosthermind]

@spliqi, I believe you requested a tag— Sol vs Beast v4: fight

Except v4 already wins because the cover is dazai looking like THAT (im weak dont judge me. But also the use of cool blues instead of the soft purples we've gotten for Everyone else makes me want to yell he's fully separated himself from the narrative it's fine. I'm not overthinking. The cover.) and more importantly CANON AKUTAGAWA LOOKING LSKJGOIHEG oh my god. Sweet? Content? Borderline happier than we literally ever see him. He must be looking at Gin or Atsushi like. For real. I am. WEAK. AND THEN I OPEN THE FUCKING COVER AND

The problem with taking breaks to process is I've stepped down from some of the sheer crazy and holy FUCK does that opening image make me want to Spider-Man crawl out a window to fight gravity

the blood smear under his thumb on the watch face makes a heart. I feel like I need to talk a walk around the neighborhood already it's literally one page THERE IS A HEART under his THUMB made out of the blood of the director that he just killed because ptsd made him all reaction and zero thoughts.

There are 238 pages in this. It took me over six hours to make it through v3 with. Less pages. I'm either going to spend a week just on this one volume or im going to smash through it too fast and forget to scream and then my brain's going to boil right out my ears

Do you know I zoomed in on that heart so fast I missed the spread for the chapter cover and now I'm screaming again because they MATCH now. They match. They're back to back, the shading between them is identical, they're both red; highlights, their eyes, the actual blood and the blood red moon, they're facing the reader TOGETHER and they're SHARING WINGS of the same COLOR now im!!! The bags under their eyes are gone? Less? They're both determined as hell, the swiping at his mouth is entirely unfair and akutagawa should knock it off. I wrote knot. I think that's indicative of what kind of beast fic I've been reading whoops. Anyway. The. Everything. Is very yes. I'm rambling so i dont turn the page again but also fucking hell why are they so pretty who allowed this

WAIT THE TABLE OF CONTENTS PAGE im going to eat this I think. They're?? Soft?? But also watching each other's backs. Aku's coat is spread out on both sides of atsushi like he's protecting him. The MOON IS GREEN AND SOFT like new grass1!!! The orange-y highlights instead of the harsh reddddd and the implied rainnnnn. Im taking this as new beginnings and no one can stop me I don't even care this is the aftercare. Before care? Promise? That the fucking crying Im about to do might have a. The way i just stopped and yelled into my hands because i want to write "will have a purpose" and either the brainrot is so much worse than I thought or I really do need to kick dazai down the stairs moVING ON—

…the middle kid is laughing at me apparently I got a little too loud about the watch and now I'm being gently bullied about my obsessions again except he can't say shit its his FAULT I'm even IN HERE. How dare he show me bsd and then move onto other things, rude as hell

do you think atsushi's hair feels like fur. Thick and soft and fluffy. I think Aku should be able to find out that but nooo we're gonna have aku find out what his ribs look like or something instead.

They have an empty well and no food but I'm supposed to believe some guy who would easily hammer a nail into a kids' foot went out and bought some fancy ass fucking watch??? "Was he going to hug me," Atsushi you're already in the guilt spiral of all time but I AM SHAKING YOU OUT OF IT DO NOT. This is wild. The director is a whole new level of not right in the head. Someone point out to the tiger that he's saved all the kids this guys been beating half to death by actually being him fully to death. "Like a father hugs his son," atsushi. Im holding you so gently. Fucking no.

Yoooo shibusawa still shows up and makes things even more awful of course he does. But also. Atsushi what are you rationalizing right now. What you do MEAN the director was keeping it from you to protect you from the military police. (The idea of hanging him is. Im so sorry that's so funny. Absolutely would not have worked. Not important.) you were doing tiger things BEFORE you killed the guy they let EXPERIMENT on you for pity's sake. They'd been keeping it from you the whole time! They let him hurt you to the point you reacted in self defenseseeeeeee i hate how this is such a well done representation of how folks internalize abuse and justify it. If you ignore the whole. Magic tiger murder.

There is no way in hell all of those kids would've kept quiet though. Threatened or hurt or not, kids just. Say things sometimes.

"He knew I couldn't handle it, so he protected me," by locking me up and hurting me to the point I developed brain problems while also leaving me to hurt all the other kids. Right sure. Also how is this guy getting the tiger in the cage. Why did the tiger not eat him esp if the tiger is very much animal instinct.

"This is the face of evil, one who uses violence to abuse the weak!" Sigh. Sure, my guy, we'll go with " im doing it for your own good," except for how hurting the tiger probably made everything worse all the time and how you THREW HIM OUT and also doesn't explain the part where you were also being the shit out of everyone ELSE so like. Hard pass on this thanks. "How much of his heart he sacrificed." What heart. "the world is out to get you so Im just preparing you for it," right, sure. I've studied too much child-based development/psych for this to settle well.

I know what they're trying to do; it's the same as all the other characters but it just rings so hollow for me here honestly.

Atsushi's breaking my heart though. And to slam right back to AKutagawa reading him straight to filth—well. He'd know about guilt, wouldn't he. Even if they're both misplaced.

RAGDOLL AKUTAGAWA. Atsushi's beating the shit out of him with the same intensity as he had the director. How are you not dead, love. Why are you letting him. What fuckery are you up to.

Oh. Oh fuck that's a whole arm neeeevermindddddd atsushi's so used to pain it barely fucking registered oh my god. The HAND aku shapes like a gun im!! Rashomon is so much fun in every verse why is it always so pretty honestly

Two thin panels atop each other and it's just their eyes, wide and dark. Gonna crrryyy.

Again, rashomon's just pretty.but what the fuck do you mean you slit OPEN YOUR SKIN and then absorbed the blows via space im!! AKUTAGAWA WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU PICK THAT ONE UP EVEN WHAT THE HELL WAS HAPPENING IN THE SLUMS HOLY SHIT

Oda feed him more his hipbones are so sharp they're going to slice through his belt. They're so fucking insane what you do mean he's casually got atsushi crucified and is using Rashomon's tendrils like A DRILL to screwdrive his ass to the WALL and also sympathizing about the crushing weight of guilt

"I get it but you're stopping me from finding gin, and I won't regret again," and i am crying

STOP IT NII SAN

I had to smother myself for a second there. Are you telling me. Dazai set this whole things up specially to get these two to fight AND ALSO PUT GIN IN A POSITION TO JUST FUCKING WATCH??? AND gins going to side with dazai. I want an entire novel from gin's pov so I can understand literally anything she does ever in this verse girl dont do it

THE WAY AKU IMMEDIATELY screams for her!! His bug eyed frantic face on the monitor!! He's so fucking desperate!! SHE HAS BEEN WATCHING THIS THE WHOLE TIME WHAT THE FUCK

She tells him to leave. I take back everything gin's the most confusion one here to me lmao how did you go from trying to keep him with you with every ounce of yourself to believing whatever dazai said in like one night. You've had 4.5 years of dazai in your ears so this isn't unexpected i guess. But also. Why does dazai need akutagawa and gin like this.

This is mean to gin too dazai you fuck

I CAME IN MYSELF she says. TERRIBLY LONELY MAN??? Oh my god gin I'm going to throw you out another window. WHAT. The fUCk. How old even are you the 4.5 years thing is throwing me all the way off. Whatever. Turning gin against him is. Girl WHAT. "You shouldn't have anyone important in your life." Wow kay that's an unhinged thing to say to anyone ever.

No i can't take this seriously anymore. "Your violence isn't like the mafia's, we have like spreadsheets," gin sit down. Intent and rationality? I'm wheezing. Awful lot of intent, yeah, but the rationale is boiling down to 'how to ensure Atsushi and akutagawa are as fucked up as possible.' "You drag those you love into it, destroying everything." I NEED RECEIPTS GIN. Because the ones I have go like, "protects kid," "protects kid," "watches all the kids be brutally murdered," "puts down the murderers" literally what the fuck gin this right here is the only time he's actively started shit and even then it was fully provoked using YOU AS A MOTIVATOR im. Nah. Gin's living in a very different reality

Gin: you're evil (and somehow the mafia isn't???)

Akutagawa: nearly bursts into tears. Fully believes it immediately. Remembers all the dead kids and somehow this is his fault for existing despite the diamond/gang of it all. Full reversal of kenji's speech.

I don't understand, he says. Fuck, me either.

"What must I do to get you back." Im gonna do a lap around the house. The fucking agony pouring out of him.

Oh. There it is. Right. So she's just spouting things she's probably heard over the years but the core of it is: you love so much you're willing to die for it, for THEM, and I can't handle the thought of you being dead. Being without you while you live is better than being without you because you're dead.

It's very childish logic, and rooted fully in that moment where AKutagawa left her in the street. I hate that this makes sense now and it's more of the same so I should have seen this already: Dazai making use of the awful things they've lived through and the way there's never ever a choice in those moments that doesn't hurt someone.

He loved those kids so much he was willing to die for it. She loves him so much she's staying away to keep him from doing it again.

They're so fucking young.

The shock on his face. The hurt. The way Atsushi takes advantage and tries to kill him with his actual teeth. While Gin continues to watch. I'm tired. The fact this whole plot so far hinges on how damaged and short sighted everyone is is like, frustrating but also unfortunately uhhh probably the most realisitic part of the whole thing is like. Ajsdgashfg fuck

Christ back to dazai who's such a mess already. He's used "odasaku" like four times in a minute. OH ITS ODA POV??? I thought it was dazai pov ooooh that's funnnn but uh dazai did you like kill the barkeep for this

"The empty seat beside us," the way I had to be like does he mean ango or cat-man—

'Dispose of an unexplored bomb,' im squinting at you

Oda's trying to figure him out so hard and Im over here vibrating bc this dazai image is just of a deeply fucked up kid screaming love me with his entire face honestly. Oh this whole conversation is just sad. He's so desperate and fucking deranged and he's playing pretend so hard right now. Using oda's nickname every .2 seconds.

You know, dazai, you had people who loved you that weren't Oda, and you made good and sure to get them all fucked up and directed it at you—just for oda. So like. Have fun with that. You never got to have any of them in this world you made.

Dazai trying to reassure him and coax him into writing and oda's like, that's sweet but meaningless bc I dont know you.

Beast is just an endless matryoshka doll of fucking ow, huh.

The way I didn't clock the sharp edges of the speech bubble fast enough and fully thought dazai was the one saying "one of my men is in trouble," about AKUTAGAWA and nearly had a fucking STROKE

Oda how did you know????? To find him there if he's never been. Did he leave you a letter too. Is there more to the gin-letter. ODA PUTTING HIMSELF BETWEEN AKUTAGAWA AND THE BULLETS IM GONNA CRY

"Has a good guy looking out for him," and the little, "what?" Deep breath. He's idolized oda so fucking hard for so fucking long and never actually HAD oda in his life. Meanwhile oda's like. Im a what now

Dazai your everything is so unsettling. "He'll be fine! So long as he's not dead!" Hitting you with a rolled up newspaper and also this shoe. AKU SITTING SO PRETTY WITH KENJI THOUGH

But seriously fuck OFF 'he'll be fine," you're giving him another fifty lives' worth of issues in one afternoon hes going to be WORSE you BITCH Just not actively hunted!! Maybe. You're gonna be dead though so like who knows

This is the funniest way this could have been done what do you mean he's here having not-a-drink with his not-bestie while his adopted idiots murder all of his henchmen and fuck gin and kyouka up into the next millennia and also try to kill each other. He's? NOTEVEN THERE imalksdjfalsgh

"Why did you lure him there." So you noticed. "Lucky guess." Im howling what about this was subtle dazai????

Oda pulls a gun on him like a RATIONAL fucking person (no. Im not letting this go) and dazai looks like hes gonna burst into tears. I am having shrimp emotions. I want to laugh but also i want to cry and i also want to fight everyone plus whatever gods are left what the FUCK is this

"Put the gun away," he says emotionally because he just wanted one conversation where he could pretend and oda is too RATIONAL for that and explains why he can't do that, and also how his violence! Is! Purposeful! And! Dazai literally modeled his whole everything off of oda and im only now catching it fuck me i guess but it blows up in his face so hard right here. Who's the emotional animal now, you brat. "ITS TRUE," he pleads. He looks like a child and sounds like a child and oda's focused on getting HIS KID safe.

Beast really just made me into an oda simp i think

I've misspelled because so many times my auto correct thinks that's just how its spelled now goddamnit this is what happens when I have too many thoughts

Ohhhh the freaking flash to the hit on Oda's kids, i am WRECKED. He was so close to saving them and his face—going straight into Dazai's equally distraught face when oda won't LISTEN—

Except imma say the same thing now i did when I first saw that and it's the same thing I said for gin: why didn't you go with him then. If you couldn't make him stop, why not go WITH him. Which doesn't make sense when I'm talking about an already-wounded and normal girl of like 12-14 years but dazai's armed, trained, and y'know, good at it.

(Ultimately he would've been a liability and oda wouldn't have let him, ultimately his going along would not have helped because his skill can't match seeing the future and he's not actually impervious to bullets, ultimately it wouldn't have mattered, but he wouldn't have been alone— vs how he DID actually try to go alone but he tried to do it Smart, but using his Resources and Connections and Backup and Mori stopped him, so he went alone anyway. And it didn't matter. He did his best, he loved with his whole heart, and it didn't save him. Oh wait, that's literally this whole fucking au isn't it.)

Dazai's face in the flashback with his bandages ripped off. Wow. That hurts more than I thought it would honestly. The two drinks, one untouched. "Don't call me odasaku, my enemies have no right,"

Because even if they were friends in another life, they live in this one, and in this one dazai's hurting his kid over and over.

God the way dazai is falling apart here. None of this is going to plan. He's literally fidgeting with his hands between his legs. Sigh. Fine his turn: he's so young. Vulnerable. Emotional.

'Forced' into taking over after mori? HA HE WAS PISSING PEOPLE OFF ON PURPOSE to grow the mafia

"All of it for this world's—" and he stops, and it's just Oda. Because he'll say it's for this world's survival, but he's full of shit. It was for Oda.

Christ the photo of the lupin trio hits like a truck but those are not HIS oda and ango. He's never had oda or ango or anyone. He's always been alone. he's never smiled like that. "Please dont shoot me here in the one place I had good memories that aren't even mine." Wow okay I'm bleeding i think

What do you mean I'm not even 100 pages in yet what the hell

One last odasaku. Insert nodding while pretending im fine gif

TIGER. Oh fuck they're outside whoops. Hey hey hey i know time has no real meaning and all but how much time are you wasting when kyouka only had an hour and you need his voice atsushi maybe dont flatten him. Wait fuck aku's falling isn't that how dazai dies later??? SQUINTING SUSPICIOUSLY. You'd be dead before you hit the ground that's too high

Panel of aku with his back arched and leg spread is a choice

HE MAKES A FUCKING SPIDERWEB AROUND ATSUSHI??? THEYRE FALLING AGAIN Oh my god the rapid fire thoughts on how to get out of this without dying because it's the only thing gin asked of him and he can't figure out how and she's gonna be upset and his eyes are white and OKAY HOW DARE ACTUALLY

Is chapter-header-oda wrapped up in dazai's bandages or rashomon. Depends on the day

LIKE HELL he says. Oooooh fuck okay im yellING. The one character who's never given a shit about dying REFUSING because GIN— i am going to melt into a puddle onto the floor what is this montage of people telling him he's awful actually fuck off

HES .2 SECONDS AWAY FROM GOING OKAY I GUESS ILL DIE THEN BECAUSE WHY NOT AND THEN K E N J I KENJI KENJI KENJIJIIIII

This is hysterical. That's one way for akutagawa to figure out who no one wants to piss kenji off. Having his yeet several hundred pounds of steel at him from like two miles away oh my GOD thats so many spikes holy Christ atsushi

How did kenji get up there. Why did you know these two idiots were going to throw themselves out a window. Why is it always a window.

He fucking Spider-Man swings away. My favorite fucking cryptid honestly

IF THE TIGER KEEPS FALLING he says while RaSHOMON WALKING UP THE WALL. WILD set of events. "Time to extract gin," okay my man look at me your sister is a mess i dont think kidnapping her to the ada is going ot HELP that any

He looks down and atsushi's just fucking HANGING OFF. How did you NOT NOTICE. How long as he BEEN THERE. ATSUSHI WERE YOU JUST GOING TO WAIT FOR HIM TO BRING YOU TO THE TOP IM WHEEZING

"I wont let you escape, not YOU" continues to be wild to me that the literal actual mafia is treating this guy like he's the worst thing to ever exist you are the MAFIA. Real "I'm the only one allowed to be mean" energy ngl

The SPIKES are killing me there are so many ATSUSHIS FACE god his whole speech about how much he hates pain at the beginning im laksgja;sufhg

"I have to keep my promise to the director," atsushi. Well. Now im weeping. The SKULL behind the speech bubble that says, "this is the white reaper," SHRIMP EMOTIONS

Do I have any of that. I want to save my sister, a just and strong motive. Crying. Also fuck he's gorgeous. Right beneath one of the most inhumanly drawn atsushi's to date no less.

LOOK AT HIM TRYING TO BE RATIONAL

He asks?? He ASKS ATSUSHI WHAT HES SUPPOSED TO DO??? HE ASKED IM SCREAMING

Rashomon-as-canine-again. 'Heartless dog gained emotion four years ago' uhhhh i don't. I dont think that's what happened kiddo. If you didn't have emotion beforehand you wouldn't have given a shit about the kids but yknow whatever, everything aku does is wrong I guess. I HAD AN EMOTION ONE TIME AND IT RUINED MY WHOLE LIFE. Clawing at my face. Fuck OFF

Anyway look at my babies murdering each other and somehow running at each other on the side of a building like gravity's for losers aren't they neat and not at all giving me heart palpitations. Aku's trying so fucking hard to THINK and use his strategic skillsssss and look at how it loops him right back into HE HAS TO GET TOO FUCKING CLOSE

Endless loop turns again

The way I just had to squint at that big black block of rashomon teeth to realize i was staring at two disembodied arms— 'it's over,' he says with no real sense of victory only relief at the end, except atsushi's still in there fucking yowling

Rock and a hard place indeed except it's what's stronger: your ptsd or mine

TINY BABY KYOUKA CHAPTER HEADER TIN BABY KYOUKAAA

The fucking muscle definition on atsushi is insane. Im ignoring how berserk he is right now its fine shh i take that back that is a fucking fang the size of his forearm he's got in there holy shit

Akutagawa is getting the shit kicked out of him why are we lovingly highlighting his insane eyelashes. Please never stop

Wow they're both so messed up. Atsushi's screaming like a banshee, he's fully lost the plot honestly, and Akutagawa looks like he's hold onto consciousness through sheer willpower and the force of fuck you

How. How is he using rashomon to rain razor blades. How in the hell does that even work. Ohmy god he got him in the EYE. And we're on the roof. I feel like I've been running for hours. HIS COAT LOOKS LIKE RASHOMON all black and ragged and flutteringgggg

Akutagawa giving himself higher ground with this levitation maneuver again

BEAUTIFUL panel with atsushi's eye having regenerated honestly. And below it where the white of his collar makes it look like his head is floating in space because it IS honestly he's not grounded here. "Monster," he says scornfully as akutagawa uses rashomon like legs. Siiiiiigh if hes a monster then so are you and truthfully neither of you are but im assuming you'll figure that one out later yall a little busy atm

Atsushi screaming and hitting the spatial distortion shield. Akutagawa's bleeding from fucking everywhere. His eyes are mostly closed and his face is so sad in this weirdly detatched way he looks like he's crying blood. Yall if this bastard is out cold and rashomon's at the helm im going to scream is he unconscious or has he just managed to put all of those crazy emotions down for two seconds

HE IS FUCKING OUT COLD???? "You'd even go that far!! I'm gonna end it!!" Babe you've been trying this whole time. Im ?!?!? Insane

YOU HAVE TO CLIMB ON TOP OF HIM TO FINISH KILLING HIM? "It's over," ECHOES upon echoes im HOWLING

Wait! KUNIKIDA????DID KENJI GIVE HIM A PAPER? IS ONE OF THEM RIGHT HTERE LSKJDFOWGH KUNI????

No kunikida's with kenji watching through binoculars jesus CHRIST that was MEAN

Nothing like watching atsushi settle himself on top of akutagawa for reasons??? Lmao???

Oh my god. Oh my GOD. Okay. So this has been the exact same suicide run it started as this whole fuckng time. Okay. Im. Taking a minute maybe

'There is no pain, there is no suffering,' and ch122's whole 'I felt no pain,' and this boy's been under so many layers of disassociation i need new words

'One was the man in black and the other is…' and you turn the page only to be met with the most beautiful illustration of akutagawa himself, looking right at you. Punch to the fucking everything. This is also the one time this ENTIRE manga he's ever used his first name. Screaming into my HANDS

He's kneeling over himself; the wisps at the edge of his coat vs the bare toes. Spirit over body. The GUILT here. The judgment. The fact he never intended to make it out alive in the first place. Insane. "I was/am a damaged kid so that means I deserve to die," im not even going to examin that one Im just collecting several boxes of tissues and turning all the mirrors around

The insane way atsushi's drawn here. The thin white X over his face just like the child traffickers aku caught. The implication that it's akutagawa's fault dazai did this to atsushi.

I HAD NO WAY TO WIN NO ONE CAN DEFEAT THEMSELVES and its the rashomon-dog vs the tiger and I

Oh I am throwing myself into a ravine

How is death a draw akutagawa. "No one relying on me, no one to care about me," biting through my own arm he defines himself wholly by the people around him and—oh im weeping. I will finally be saved, he says, because death is a blessing now???? A way out? He says he'll be with his friends. I am WEEPING. He'll leave gin behind again because she doesn't WANT him she doesn't NEED him she says he's EVIL AND BAD AND WRONG and he's better of DEAD where he can't fuck anything else up!!! Iam not well!!

Fucking? Kunikida?? Where did the little device come from? Did he get punched so hard his phone popped out like. "GET UP" kunikida says. I like how this is so baffling even the tiger pauses. HOW DID THEY GET THERE SO FAST. Kenji's just happily beating the shit out of people. How are there any people left to beat up. Honestly. Isn't that the room gin was in. Where did she go.

IM NOT A DETECTIVE he says with blood-tears. Only for KUNIKIDA FUCKING DOPPO TO TELL HIM HE IS NOT EVIL. Because this time it's akutagawa who's not alone. I am going to pass the fuck out maybe YOURE NOT ANYTHING AT ALL YET yes yes yes thank you holy mother of everything. The images of tiny baby akutagawa. And how kunikida drops to his knees and holds him close.

Atsushi tried so hard to comfort the child inside him and couldn't. But Akutagawa didn't even know he had a child left to be comforted and Kunikida and oda and kenji and Tanizaki all caught him anyway. I am crying so fucking ugly right now

Everyone holding onto him so tightly. He's NOT ALONE. This really just drives home to me how alone canon Akutagawa really is; theres only gin and you know damn good and well he doesn't see it that way becuase his job is to take care of her

Atsushi: NO?? Sorry i lost my shit im wheezing and coughing like a loon this is like, Super Serious but that uh no??? Im dead. I kind of like how they're drawn in this next exchange of blows, Atsushi's all rounded muscle and powerful movement and akutagawa's long and lean and stretched and sharp—Turn the page and it's black-eyed tiger with a mouthful of fangs and a white-eyed Ryuunosuke also with fucking fangs. I have no idea what's happening now but the way Atsushi's face falls on one page and then cute little aku at the restaurant with oda is like giving me brain damage

Why is atsushi so pretty like this what is wrong with me

Rashomon catches the tiger's fist. "Where did you have that power?" And everything white. I need a stay at the seaside to recover from this

Earthquake.

Oh my god the collar. The collar? The COLLAR. I'mgoing ot be SICK atsushi splayed out like that. His nails are shredded. His hair looks like cat ears. He's struggling?? To regenerate??? I want to actually celebrate breaking the collar it feels like that's BIG even if it was by force and he's gonna tweak about it but like. Coat's been shredded. Aku's coat was lost, too. Aku's barely standing and he's back to being a black-eyed bat.

KILL ME and aku's like yeah sure and steps on him you are SO STUPID

The little kid drawing of superhero atsushi and all the happy kids and the proud director and what if I kill everyone in fake yokohama and then myself actually there's rashomon in the background fucking crying?? And also a happy little puppy with the kids. Atsushi. Atsushi please im already crying

Akutagawa you dick what are you UP to im wheezing. Kill me. Yea Kay. Eh, no changed my mind get your shit together maybe. WHAT in the hell. HELPING THE SUICIDAL ISNT IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION. I need a clone to handle this with me i think im losing my shit

Im going ot be so obnoxious and write this all down bc ive just been repeating it out loud but: fleeing the past and being frightened of yourself is a battle of it's own. Cough up your blood tiger. Cough it up and move on. And if after your fleeing and cowardice you fall defeated I will step over you and laugh.

What the actual flying fuck. Literally impossible to write akutagawa too dramatically i will never worry about it ever again honestly but like ALSO? Kunikida told him to get the fuck up only for him to turn right around and do the exact same thing for Atsushi.

Atsushi must be losing his entire mind right now honestly THEE most insane day of his life wait no i forgot about dazai. Who is. Clapping??? And walking up where did You COme FROM now it's the most insane day actually. Who does this. Clap clap! Good job boys! Congrats! You blew up half the city im so proud of you look at what you did with all your customized trauma patterns!! DAZAI. 'As the one aboard the ship' WHICH SHIP YOU FUCK but seriously DAZAI WHAT THE SHIT

Dazai's turn to be a big ol black bat i guess. The way both boys are instantly like ??? The most unhinged man. 'Did you win because of your emotions or is the ADA just better,' he says while atsushi's bug eyed and half dead at his feet. He expected atsushi to win? I mean. Okay. One of them got training and probably should have won based on that—i maybe had a fit when their first fight has aku get trounced purely bc atsushi has NO idea what hes doing tbh and raw power means nothing if you dont know how to use itBUT ITS AN ANIME WHATEVER THE POWER OF RANPO COMPELLS YOU I GUESS—but also likeeee you've entirely changed who atsushi is. And who akutagawa is. Well not ENTIRELY but substantially. I dont think it mattered who won tbh

You're fired. Sigh. Atsushi's going to internalize that. The little, okay. So. He's. Homeless now? Again? A failure all over again. Dazai i am going to skin you alive he probably thinks youre gonna kill him in a minute come ON

Proven wrong immediately by turning the page. Wait WAIT if he only killed the director a year ago—mori's only been there a year? WHERE WAS HE BEFORE. ALSO. The ORPHANAGE? Is the LIGHT? Under mori?????? Mori officially the most confusing character ever what

ATSUSHIS EYES SNAP SO WIDE he literally thought you were gonna kill him my guy not send him out to pasture to deal with all the fun nightmares you've given him

AKUTAGAWA so real right now: dude what is your PROBLEM you could've done this less insane!! He fully thought dazai was gonna attack not just walk past him. They're both staring at him like he's gone round the bend.

Oh goodie I get the mastermind speech ive been dreading thsi whole timeeeeeeeee

Oh my GOD look at all the different DAZAIS there is a long haired dazai!!!! There is a pirate dazai i am YELLING

BEAST VERSE STANDINIG AND CONNECTED TO CANON BYTHEIR FEET IM SLD:JKGJHERG INCOHERENT i love this I LOVE this actually what the fUCk

Dazai's shadow stretching to encompass akutagawa but not atsushi. Oh.

ATSUSHI CLOSING IN AND STANDING BESIDE AKUTAGAWA AS THEY LISTEN AND ASK QESTIONS IMS GLKJSFG why are they standing so close. Insane behavior. Dazai's telling them INSANE THINGS and they're instinctively?? SEEKING COMFORT?? From the guy they were just actively trying to murder lkasjdg

YES. Why take GIN WHAT

The thing beyond power when your souls intertwine. Ohhh im going to have so much fun puzzling THAT One out FOREVER

Im gonna stand by believing this was fully possible without them having to nearly kill each other tbh I think it's just the only way dazai knows it happened and thus the fail proof one bc it's already happened

Atsushi already begging him to step back. He's BEGGING HIM the second he realizes this means three of them know. Oh my god. He's going to feel like he's failed and gotten his father figure/mentor killed TWICE now.

like going back to your hometown and there's train tracks dazai where are you from

He admits so easily that this is the only world oda's alive and well. The ONLY one. And also that he doesn't actually care about the world for the worlds sake. Okay. Okay. Im fine.

Two suicidal boys watch dazai fall and fall and fall. Atsushi tries to grab him but doesn't follow even though he literally could go catch him. And aku follows ATSUSHI, stays with atsushi, and his face is all shock.

Oh my goddddd. Kenji again. My baby.

RANPO?? Oh my god thats like cold water to the face in the funniest way DAZAIS DEATH—RANPO GIGGLING. Kenji's halves speech fits neatly in the middle. Life/death. Time continues to spin. Aku using his skill for silly things and he's so proud of himself. Im gonna crrryyyy he's having super in-depth discussions about farming and shit this puts all those little scenes where Beast Aku shows up to something that wouldnt grow in canon verse into a heartbreaking light yall

FLUTTER. And he shreds them and makes snow seemingly for his own amusement since kuni's like dummy put it in the BIN lmao

Anyway. Yes. Akutagawa learning to live and enjoy life. Gonna bawl. And then we turn the page and Atushi's a mess??? SHES YELLING AT HIM FOR TRYING TO STARVE WRONG IM SDGKJSFLG WHAT

Dazai died and atsush just walked back into the woods??? Where is kyouka.

Literally how is putting him back in the orphanage healthy dazai. He's gonna see ghosts everywhere.

Dazai saved your life huh. Squints.

Mori telling him dazai wanted to take care of him but that mori thinks he wasn't right about what atsushi needs. Telling atsushi to break the watch right off the bat is a batshit move mori what game are we playing now.

Oh. Oh the way Atushi finally looks up and realizes the room is full of light and children's drawings. There's kids laughing and playing and they're happy and this is different. RULING BY FEAR IS BARBARIC MORI SAYS ON HIS KNEES IN THE LIGHT I AM WEEPING

Let me save you because I couldn't save MY boy. Oh i am never recovering.

MORI HOLDS HIM. MORI HUGS HIM. MORI PULLS HIM IN AND CALLS HIM SON AND TELLS HIM HE WANTS GOOD THINGS FOR HIM AND ATSUSHI ihave the biggest crocodile tears on my face im insane little baby atsushi gets the hug and acknowledgment akutagawa did. From a man he's only known for five minutes. A man who's showing him more care than literally anyone else ever has. I am. NEVER. Recovering.

He doesn't want to die. He wants to get better. Because Akutagawa told him to. AKUTAGAWA WHO IS WATCHING PEOPLE GO ABOUT THEIR DAY AND SWEARING TO PROTECT THEM???? IM???? SCREAMING??? 'Odd sense of heartache and bewilderment' oh my god he is the sweetest idiot alive

The fact that one of the images is of a BRIGHT and HAPPY ATSUSHI looking YOUNG AND FREE with a toddler on his shoulders while aku talks about doing his best even if hes not sure he can reach his goals. I am ruined. The sudden switch to we, 'even with OUR beasts and OUR regrets,' and it's over the ADA but he's got to be talking about his tiger im FERALhe IS talking about his tiger

The funny thing is i dont think ever of them were really 'gleeful' when it came to murdering people

Until the day I become human i will continue to run howling loudly. He's.he's embracing life. Yall. I can't. And overlaid the image of the two of them, a matching set, with soft eyes looking FORWARD—

Oh oh oh HIUCHI is still in this. WILD. That means? Even in this short time the mafia's gotten it's shit back together—still laughing over Chuuya just disappearing again that time your characters are too OP oops— and taken a deal from the guild to go after the guy that gutted their entire rank and file. WILD behavior honestly. How does fyodor connect aku to the book. Also if he knows about the book then there are already 3 people who know about it plus everyone else he tells soooo. Shhh i dont care nevermind i went back in and now im melting over how happily kenji's popping in next to akutagawa. KENJI ON ONE SIDE AND TANIZAKI ON THE OTHER THOSE ARE HIS BOYSSSSS

he’s decided to embrace LIVING and hope GIN WILL COME TO HIM when she works through her own issues because he can’t DO anything about it and following her wont HELP and im WEAK this was EXACTLy what i need for the bb actually fuck

And im SOBBING the next bit is atsushi crawling around LIKE A TIGER except he's giving a million kids a ride and im NEVER GETTING OVER THIS

GINKARU MEANS BITE OF THE SILVER WOLF I KNEW IT WAS A WOLF AND NOT A DOG. Ahem. Also. Dazai's shadow in the little swirl??? haunting the narrative for real

Okay. I fully understand why beast screws everyone up and why you're all sobbing but shoving it into people's hands. I still think Dazai's a bit of an idiot all around but he's the exact same idiot as Akutagawa honestly, just with a wider reach and possibly less guilt about collateral. Everyone’s a disaster, everyone’s just trying to take care of like Their One Person. Dazai strikes me as having chosen this path because try anything else was untested and therefore held a possibility for failing but yknow, I still think he’s a dummy. Just one with convictions.

Oda can’t ever ever know. That’s fun.

This was. SO much.all around. I'm glad I read it even if it made me feel like I was losing my mind the entire time and I'm glad I decided to yell about it like this bc it feels like it's settled into my brain better than it would've if I'd sped through all of it in a day. So. Thanks for coming along for the screaming. ���� and apparently I need to scrounge some light novels at some point.

[elimoskowitzs-wife]

Hawk (eli) x fem!reader

Summary-your robbys younger sister by a year

Warnings-arguing, fluff, swearing

Hawk hated you calling him eli but you didn't like calling him hawk because that wasn't him you knew him as the sweet quiet eli not the loud cocky hawk

You kiss his cheek before going to lesson you get in a lot of trouble because your overthinking everything your overthinking your relationship and if he loves you still you snapped at your teacher getting you sent out you slam the door and walk off hawk walls around the corner and sees you so he jogs to catch up to you.

'why the fuck are you out of lesson where are you goinh' he snaps at you

'it's nothing eli' you mumble

Hawk groaned when you walked off because he snapped at you he hates arguing he hates it so much because he loves you

You stand in the girls toilet wiping your running mascara Sam walked in because hawk told her what he did you turn to her and smile with your red puffy teary eyes and Sam hugs you straight away

'do you want me to tell robby' Sam asks you

You shake your head knowing robby would loose it

'what happened' Sam asked

'eli and I just got in an argument and him having his new hair cut it really intimates me and it frightens me it makes him someone he isn't it's really intimidating since he's gotten tough' your voice breaks

Sam promises not to tell hawk anything you said but dosent tell robby that you and hawk had a argument but not to loose it with him

You was so awkward at lunch you sat at the miyagi do table with your brother and Sam, hawk still feels awful for what he's done he sees your legs bobbing up and down rapidly he thinks to leave it till after school

You and robby get home and is greeted by your dad you smiled and walked straight into your room

Hawk knocks on the front door and robby opens it

'is uh yn here I really need to speak with her'

'in her room and I know you need to speak to her because she told me' robby grunts

Hawk smiled and thanked robby and walked into your room and sees you laid on your bed scrolling through your photos together

'hey eli' you smile

'I'm so sorry for snapping at you I didn't mean to snap I got stressed that you was in trouble because your never in trouble and it's my fault for being a jerk' he stresses pacing around your room

You smile and hug him he let's you wash the gel out his hair to make it floppy and let's you do whatever you wnat to his hair and you do a slick back what you always did to his hair when it was short and not dyed eli forgot how strong he was and hugged you

'ow oh my god hawk your so strong' you giggle

'sorry but did you just called me hawk do it again please' hawk lightens his grip on you

Hawk kisses you robby walks in and straight out after seeing you both kissing, when hawks left robbys glad to see you happy with him like when he was eli moskowitz

[farfromstrange]

Chaos Theory | Michael Kinsella x Reader

Chapter 24: Bandaids Don’t Fix Bullet Holes

Masterlist ° Chapter List

Pairing: Michael Kinsella x Reader (she/her)

Summary: While Michael meets with his solicitor, you're stuck at his house, and you slowly start going crazy. A visit from a particular someone drives you even crazier.

Warnings: Angst, Frank (yes, that's a warning)

Word Count: 3.2k

A/n: I've finally gotten around to finishing this chapter. It might not be as exciting as you guys hoped it would be, but I have a plan for the next following chapters and I had to leave space for that, which is why this isn't as plot heavy as I intended it. (Also, I’m not sure about the title, but I’ve run out of songs to use)

You’re still tired when you wake up the next morning, but the sadness that overcame you the day before has been replaced by emptiness. You just feel numb now, but it’s better than being in pain. 

Michael has an appointment with his solicitor this morning. Your blood burns your insides when you think about being left alone for the day. His family surrounds you. Not literally, thank God, but with them living on the very street Michael does, it feels as if they’re caging you in like a zoo animal.

You tried to convince him to let you go home, but he insisted that you stay in his house until he’s back so he can make sure that you’re safe. His house has a better security system in place than your own home, and after everything that was unraveled the other day, he would rather not take any chances until he has figured out how serious the repercussions of Frank’s actions will be.

They blew up Michael’s phone all day yesterday, but ever since he blew them off, no one has been brave enough to his house in person. It has been otherwise quiet, too. Thankfully. Still, you can’t help but be wary. 

You’re sitting in bed with your legs pulled up to your chest, resting your cheek on your knees as you watch him rummage through his wardrobe to get ready. Today is an important day to him and he doesn’t want to risk making a bad impression, no matter how big the chaos around him is.

You called in sick from work. You can’t stand being around people, let alone put on a fake smile. The scent of coffee makes you nauseous. To top that off, your hand is still swollen, bandaged, and your knuckles have started getting irritated. Any doctor would have told you the same thing Michael did; your wrist is sprained and you need to rest your hand, which means that work is off the table. 

You know you’re going to use up all of your sick days if you keep going like this, but at this point, there are no worries on your mind. None but one, and that is your sister. Okay, maybe you’re overthinking about a little more than that, but you refuse to acknowledge that or you will drive yourself crazy.

At least Michael’s house smells like safety. You can’t describe it, but the comfort his scent engulfs you in makes this a little easier, even with the separation anxiety eating you alive like a flesh-eating amoeba.

“Hey,” his soft voice brings you back to reality. It has a bit of a scruff to it, but that’s what makes him so attractive.

The bed dips before you, and you look at him with red eyes. “Are you gonna be alright?” Michael asks, his hand reaching out to cup your cheek. “I could call the solicitor and tell her I’ve changed my mind, that I can’t do it today, I…”

You shake your head. The last thing you want is for him to put you over getting his daughter back. The truth about your past, then Jamie’s death, and now the revelation with Frank and Amanda messed with both of your lives, and God knows what else happened in the time you were at work. 

The things Michael threw in Frank’s sounded so serious, you can’t imagine that he has fully forgotten them just because of this one appointment. There seems to be more to it, even, and that scares you. It scares you that he’s going through hell and now he’s going through yours too. And you’re forced to go through his, thanks to his family and your inability to stay away.

You have an inkling, but you don’t like what it is telling you, not one bit. You know Michael, and you know how easily he could be pushed to a point where he would do just about anything for the people he cares about. It’s a terrifying prospect that you could lose him.

You shake it off. You’ve already done enough stupid things for the time being. You can’t do this alone anymore, and you don’t have to.

“Go,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper. “I’ll manage. Don’t put your future with Anna at risk just because of me. It’s not worth it.”

Michael’s eyes soften. “Yer always worth it, that’s not–”

“No. Not this time.”

He sighs. “We’ll talk about how to keep your sister safe once I’m back, alright?” It sounds like a compromise. “Just don’t do anythin’ rash ‘til I’m back,” he says.

“I know,” you answer.

“Promise me.”

You open your mouth. An exasperated sigh slips your lips, and he gives you an incredulous look. “Okay, fine,” you cave. “I promise. I won’t do anything rash until you’re back.”

You’re not sure how you’re going to keep it, but he’s right. You can’t do anything rash or you will risk a lot more than your sister’s safety. She’s the most important thing in your life, above all else, and if you put her at risk just because you’re impatient and drowning in your concern… You wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself.

“I’ll be back in a few hours.” Michael leans forward and presses a kiss on your forehead.

You close your eyes and lean into his touch. “I love you,” you whisper. 

He smiles right back at you. “You too.”

Michael checks his appearance a few more times in the mirror, and you can tell he’s nervous. He rechecks every document twice, and he repeats every question he prepared himself for in his head. 

You want to lift him up, but you’re too low to say anything supportive other than what you feel for him. You hope it’s enough, but you feel useless and numb, and the state you’re in is a horrible middle space between being an exhausted mess and being on high alert. But most of all, the fear never leaves your bones. It has manifested and it’s eating away at your soul. 

“After our fight,” you speak up, “I, uh, called the inspector on the case of my sister’s death six years ago.”

He deserves to know.

Michael stops in his tracks and turns to you. “And?” he asks. 

You shrug. “I was redirected to Scotland Yard’s official hotline, and the front desk lady told me she would pass my message along, but…” With a defeated sigh, you lower your head and shake it. “He didn’t call me back.”

Michael purses his lips. He’s not mad, you can tell. He probably would have done the same in your position. You took the only road you thought could help you, but it ended up being a dead end, after all. Or maybe you missed something crucial.

“Maybe he’ll call today,” he says almost hopefully. “If he’s anythin’ like ya said, he’ll call eventually. Maybe he’s just… swamped.”

“Or maybe he can’t help me.”

“I’m not going to lie to you.”

You want to kiss him just for that.

“So,” he says, “him not wanting to help or be associated with this case again is somethin’ we need to consider.”

You nod along. He’s right. It’s possible. The truth hurts, but at least it’s true.

Wiping your dry cheeks to prevent yourself from actually crying, you clear the lump in your throat. “Well, regardless, I need to pick up the file,” you add, your voice stronger this time. 

He shakes his head. “We can do that once I’m back, alright? Yer not goin’ anywhere without me.”

You don’t have the strength to protest. Michael kisses you again. “Good girl,” he says. 

When he turns to leave, you hug him for a little longer than necessary. He rubs your back, knowing it’s hard for you to let him go, but he has to leave. You understand now why he was so clingy the other day, and it hurts to watch him walk out the door and down the street, disappearing out of your sight, and you lock the door the way he told you to. 

Against what your brain tells you, you don’t go back to bed. You make yourself a nice cup of coffee and find some toast in the cupboard to make yourself some breakfast, and you force yourself to swallow a few bites for your upset stomach. Maybe that will give you a clear mind. 

You spend a few minutes sitting in the backyard, staring out into nature. Every once in a while, you peek over at Jimmy and Amanda’s house. It seems so deserted. You wonder if they fought after you punched her. 

Michael and Jimmy don’t seem all too close, but they’re still brothers, and Michael seems to see something in him that you don’t. You don’t need to understand it. 

You busy yourself with cleaning for a while. Just as you’re scrubbing the stove, you catch something from the corner of your eye. Your peripheral vision picks up on a silhouette close to the bushes that adorn the sides of Michael’s driveway. 

She’s concealed halfway by your car, but you catch a glimpse of the girl’s face that is staring directly into the house, and when she meets your eyes, she gasps and bolts.

Anna. 

You know Michael has secretly been watching her just to get a chance to see her, even if it’s from afar. You never expected Anna to come to the house herself.

She was still little when he went to prison and she must be more than curious, but also a little angry because she probably doesn’t know or understand the full truth behind her mother���s death yet. She’s a child, but she’s not stupid.

You open the front door and storm out of the house. You call out, “Anna?” But upon hearing her name, the girl runs faster, and soon enough she has disappeared around the corner in her school uniform.

You sigh. Whether or not you will tell Michael about this depends on how his meeting goes. Now that she saw you, what must she think? Knowing her father whom she hasn’t seen for eight years has a strange woman standing in his kitchen and cleaning it like a mad woman. 

By opening the blinds to let in some light, you might have just screwed up in the eyes of a teenage girl and Michael’s daughter, and that fills you with dread because you don’t know if he’s going to process the truth in the way you want him to. 

Locking the door behind you again, you draw the blinds closed and return to angrily scrubbing the stove, making the pain in your injured hand worse without even using it, but at least it makes you feel something other than the gaping emptiness deep within your soul. It keeps you from going crazy. 

Suddenly, there’s a knock on the very door that you just closed. Startled, you turn around. Goosebumps form on your skin. For a second, you consider what to do. Should you go upstairs and hide? Should you call Michael? Should you grab a knife or the gun behind the fridge? 

You move toward the front door, your steps careful and calculated. The knocking intensifies. You can feel yourself quivering in the fuzzy socks you’re wearing.

Then, you hear a faint voice call out your name, and you can see Frank peeking in through the kitchen window. He waves at you as if he can see you through the slits in the blinds. You hold your breath. 

“I know you’re in there!” he calls out for you. “I just wanna talk.” There is a pause, and you stand there completely paralyzed until he adds, “It’s about yer sister.”

Your feet carry you the rest of the way to the door and you open it enough to look outside. 

“What do you want, Frank?” you snap. “Do you get off on harassing innocent people? Or are you just that stupid?”

He looks at you, and… is that guilt in his eyes? You don’t want to believe it. The audacity he has to show up here and look like that. He’s cruel, he’s vile, he is an asshole and he doesn’t deserve your attention. But he mentioned your sister. After what happened the day before, he knows that you would jump at the mere mention, and that is how he gets you. 

“I just wanna talk,” he repeats. “Please.”

“Michael’s not here,” you say. You have to stand your ground. He’s doing this on purpose. He has to be. This man is capable of unspeakable things. 

If Michael knew, heads would roll. 

“I’m not here to talk to Michael, I told ya. I’m here because o’ you.”

You let out an exasperated sigh. You shouldn’t, you know that you shouldn’t, but your body acts without listening to your common sense. You open the door just enough to let him inside. 

This is about Maya, you tell yourself. Whatever he has to say could be important. And you can’t say no to the man who threatened her once before. He is the reason she might be in grave danger. So, whatever he knows, as small as it might seem could help prevent any further damage. And if he’s lying, you can still grab the gun behind the fridge and put an end to this disgusting excuse of a human being. 

“Thanks,” Frank throws your way as he steps in, almost as if you’re friends, and you hate that he carries himself with that godawful, confidence-secreting attitude. 

Does he not realize what he did? Michael threatened him with a gun and this is how he walks around, with his hair styled and an almost sly smile on his face—it’s just a hint, but it counts, and it makes you feral. 

He stands in the kitchen, turning to you. You stand across from him, arms crossed and waiting for him to make a move. You won’t offer him a drink, that’s for sure. 

He lets out a long breath eventually, pulling something from his backpocket. You flinch at the sudden movement of his hand, and he lifts them almost as if to reassure you that he isn’t a threat. But to you, he is everything bad and more. You hate him in a way you ever only thought you could hate one person, even though it’s a different kind of hatred nonetheless. 

Frank pulls out a small envelope, looking down at it for a moment before slowly extending it to you. You frown at him. He insists you take it, but you’re not sure if you want to see the contents. 

“Open it,” he encourages you. 

You roll your eyes, reaching for the envelope. The paper feels thin under your fingers, almost rough and worn. It’s barely closed. You only have to pull a little to open it, and when you look inside, you can tell there is a series of pictures waiting for you. You shoot Frank a glare. 

“What’s this?” you ask as you take the photographs out of the envelope. 

“It’s the pictures my men took of your sister,” he answers. 

You stop. “What?!” Your voice echoes. The house isn’t even that big, but you are loud enough for the sound to carry. 

“Relax–” 

“Relax? You had my sister followed and now you come here after deliberately putting her in danger, telling me to relax? How sick can you possibly be?!”

“They’re the pictures I was plannin’ to have sent to ya so you’d leave Michael alone. I told my men to back off. I promised tha. I don’t like being threatened,” he says. “They’re the only photographs left of her. Swear to God. It’s done. It’s over. Nothin’ more to worry about, alright? So… relax.”

His voice holds a certain edge as if your anger is somehow annoying to him and not at all justified, and only for that you want to use your healthy fist to hit him.

No, you won’t fall for it. You see a glimpse of humanity, but you refuse to let it blind you. People like him know how to fool someone in a crisis like you, and they use that vulnerability to their advantage. 

You take out the photographs he gave you. He’s right, it is Maya. Your little sister, all alone and vulnerable. It’s so different to see her walking the streets of London after school, hanging out with the few friends she has, and–

You stop. The last picture has your father in it. The look in his eyes resembles death. He smiles at your weak mother, but there is nothing but evil in his eyes. You can see that he has no soul, he never had one. It makes your stomach churn. 

“You’re lying,” you say, but your voice is barely above a whisper. “This was never supposed to happen.”

“Believe me or not, but it’s done,” Frank repeats. “They won’t hurt her, and for the record, I was never plannin’ on havin’ her hurt anyway, but after what you said about your father… You know, we can help–”

“Don’t even start,” you cut him off. “You had men follow my sister and put her in danger because you didn’t think. You were dissatisfied with Michael choosing himself over your twisted family for once in his godforsaken life, and you were ready to let it out on an innocent child you didn’t know instead of taking it up with me. That makes you as much of an asshole as my bastard of a father, and I’ve encountered many people in my life. You threatened me and my sister and that is not something I can just forgive. So forgive me for not trusting you, but you have done nothing to earn it.”

He nods slowly, processing your words and agreeing, “Yer right. For what it’s worth, I’m…” And he struggles to say it. “Sorry,” he says. 

You stare at the pictures, then back at Frank. Tears of frustration and pure rage form in your eyes, and they already start pricking at the corners. “Get out,” you say, trying to stay calm. 

“C’mon now, let’s not make such a big deal out of it. You know that ya have your own problems and that you’re not ready for what this family brings with it. I just wanted to protect us. I only hurt those that need t’be hurt, not innocent children.”

The urge to punch him grows with every passing second. Every word in your head makes less and less sense as you start losing sight of what’s most important. You want to give in to your anger. You want to be selfish. 

But you can’t. You can’t allow yourself to give in. This is not who you are. And Maya wouldn’t want you to lose sight of that as much as she wouldn’t want you to lose sight of her. 

“You already hurt her,” you say.

“I didn’t. She’s alive. She’s no longer being followed, and your father has no fuckin’ clue ‘cause my men aren’t that stupid. What more do ya need?”

“Frank,” you spit his name like a snake would dig her teeth into its victim. You’re inching closer to the point of disaster. “I’m going to ask you nicely,” you say, “even though you don’t deserve any bit of my kindness. Get the fuck out of this house or I swear to God, I will make use of the gun Michael keeps around here and shoot your cock off!”

Instead of cowering in fear at your tone, Frank only smirks. He looks surprised, impressed even, but not scared. At this point, you’re boiling like a tea kettle on a gas stove.

“I was wrong ‘bout you,” he says. The sound of impress is laced in every vibration of his vocal cords. 

You stretch the fingers of your uninjured hand. He needs to get out. Now. 

“If you don’t get out, I will call Michael right now and tell him you harassed me.” It’s your last straw. He doesn’t respect you, so maybe he will respect the man that already bashed his head in. 

The next time he comes face to face with him, you know he won’t be as merciful. 

You pull out your phone. “I’m sure he’d love to hear what you had to say to me, word for word.” You unlock it and select your boyfriend’s contact at the top of the list. “I have a very good memory, you must know. I can remember conversations pretty vividly.”

Of course, it works immediately. Frank’s face falls. As soon as you mention Michael and the possibility of telling him every last word that was passed between you in the past five minutes, he takes a step toward the door. 

“Take care of yourself,” Frank tells you, and you have never been so relieved to watch someone walk away from you as you are now. 

You’re quick to lock the door behind him, letting out the breath you had been holding before, and your entire body quivers as you sink to the floor with the photographs in hand. The tears start streaming down your cheeks as the helplessness of your situation settles in. 

You’re not sure where to go from here, and it is terrifying. 

How much longer can you hold on before everything around you, including the people you love, turns into ashes in front of your very eyes? 

Tagging: (let me know if you want to be tagged, too!) @bellaxgiornata @mattmurdocksscars @ms-murdockswift @your-not-invisible-to-me @shouldbestudying41 @glowstick-lesbian @acharliecoxedfan @roseallisonparker @norestfortheshelbywicked @1988-fiend @loveroftoomanyfandoms @mattkinsella @schneeflocky @harperdoodle @ravenclaw617 @lunaticgurly @mattmurdocksstarlight

[mins-fins]

love at first flannel — lee seunghwan

almost everyone has a crush on lee seunghwan.

i mean how can you not? he's gorgeous, funny, confident, literally gorgeous— did i already say gorgeous? yeah, he's gorgeous, it's insane how he just goes around like that, looking so pretty whilst doing literally nothing. he just walks around and does everything amazingly, how can someone do everything so effortlessly?

surprisingly, seunghwan never pays attention to all the people drooling over him or the love letters he's getting, probably too busy looking for job options or something.

y/n is one those people— he doesn't send love letters to seunghwan, per se, he just admires him from afar, it's pretty much all he can do.

it's not like they haven't talked, they always say hi and seunghwan makes sure to remember his name.

in all honesty, it makes him feel appreciated.

but in this moment, he doesn't feel appreciated.

when y/n agreed to let his friends drag him to a random party, he didn't expect to feel disgusted. in the past hour, more than five people have thrown up right in front of him, he's seen way too many people who aren't dating aggressively make out, and he's gotten flirted with by people who he's never met in his life.

he decides standing outside is better, he didn't touch or drink anything in whatever those plastic red cups contained because he wasn't in favor of almost getting drugged.

as the cold night breeze passes, y/n lightly curses at himself for not bringing a sweater, he didn't think he needed to bring one because it's the middle of may and cold breezes shouldn't be that cold at night, but here he was.

"i hate it in there" a familiar voice exclaims, and y/n doesn't even have to look to know who it is.

"oh, hi y/n" seunghwan smiles, y/n smiles back at him, though ignoring the thumping of his heart. "i take it that you also didn't feel comfortable in there?"

y/n simply nods, a breathy chuckle leaving his lips. "too much vomiting, making out, and weird love confessions".

"that's what high school parties are like" y/n gives a small laugh as seunghwan sighs, leaning against the wall.

y/n is surprised on how he continues standing whilst lee seunghwan gives him another smile, he feels faint, because why he is pretty without even doing anything?

they stand in an awkward silence for a moment before seunghwan comments on something else, and y/n finds it difficult to respond due to how nervous he feels around seunghwan. y/n finds himself telling seunghwan facts that he only really kept to himself, and seunghwan listens intently, staring at y/n like he's insanely interested in him.

it's an honest to god conversation y/n is having with lee seunghwan, the same lee seunghwan who pretty much everyone has a crush on. he can't believe how charismatic he is, even while talking about the simplest of things.

what a nice way to get his mind off everything stressful, y/n thinks.

until another cold breeze passes, and y/n shuts his eyes as he feels his whole body turn cold. it's clear that seunghwan notices, because he blinks before opening his mouth once again.

"are you cold?"

"no" y/n lies like an idiot, immediately shivering after he said that word.

"you're shivering" seunghwan states, raising an eyebrow. y/n blinks like an idiot, his gaze moving down towards the floor.

"i didn't think i should bring a sweater because were in the middle of may" he replies, seunghwan waves a dismissive hand.

"i totally get it".

seunghwan chuckles, the sound is accompanied by a rustling, and before he can turn around to see what he's doing, y/n feels a flannel being draped over his shoulders. his mind goes blank. though it immediately gives him a feeling of warmth, his skin breaks out into goosebumps. he immediately notices the smell of cologne, and his mind races with thoughts about seunghwan.

does he give his sweater to everyone whose cold? he's probably just being nice, y/n stop overthinking it, just because your wearing seunghwan's flannel sweater that he wears almost everyday doesn't make you special—

"it'd be horrible if you suffered from hypothermia or something" seunghwan says, oblivious to the minor meltdown he just caused. "i'd blame myself forever if you had to walk home in the cold".

y/n nods dumbly, clearing his throat as he looks at seunghwan. he feels stupidly speechless, as if he can't say anything because he's afraid he'll say something dumb, this action is seriously not helping his crush at the moment.

seunghwan is just so effortless with everything he does, it's too much for y/n's weak heart. he loves the feeling of wearing seunghwan's flannel, but then he starts feeling guilty.

"aren't you gonna be cold?" he asks in a whisper, not knowing if he could speak without his voice cracking.

"no, i'll be okay" seunghwan reassures, a small smile coming to his face. "you need it more than me anyway, i don't want you to freeze".

he's just so casual about it, whilst y/n is having twelve mini heart attacks on the inside. y/n knows he's blushing, probably hotter than the sun, but he can't bring himself to care, because his only focus is on seunghwan.

seunghwan lightly brushes his hair out of his face, like he was trying to see face clearly. "you can give it back to me on monday" he gives a small smile, twirling y/n's hair between his finger.

y/n is confused on how he hasn't passed out yet.

"alright" y/n fiddled with the sweater sleeves, his face still a shade of red. "thank you, seunghwan".

"it's really no problem".

seunghwan gives one more perfect smile, and y/n smiles back as he watches him walk away.

he still can't get over the feeling of wearing lee seunghwan's sweater.

tumblr is glitching like crazy- i'm struggling to log in to my other account and it keeps crashing so i'll come back when it's actually working!!

[planets-and-prose]

NaNo 10K Excerpt

So I hear y'all want everything to be okay, have the very lightly edited last little bit that I slammed out last night!

Their last class behind them, Briar tossed their bag down in Dr. Adams’ office and slumped in one of the chairs. At least Dr. Adams was one of the professors that cared enough to have somewhat comfortable seating. Dr. Adams looked up, just a bit curious. Her right arm was in a sling, since the shoulder wound she sustained had apparently severed some tendons.

“Rough day?” she asked. Briar made a face.

“I am going to lose it if I don’t get my color vision back soon,” they grumbled.

“I mean at least you didn’t get the danged hospital bill that you didn’t wanna get,” Dr. Adams huffed. “The healthcare system in this country’s gonna give me an ulcer and then charge me way too damn much to treat it.” Briar smirked—Dr. Adams arguing with a nurse about how she didn’t need to go to the ER for severed muscle and tendons, using the words “it’ll just work itself out,” was still a funny image, and that nurse seemed so vindicated when Briar sided with him and made Dr. Adams head to the hospital.

“At least you’re still gonna have a working arm and everything. And you don’t have to deal with dog time.” Briar rummaged in their bag for their notebook and handed it over to Dr. Adams. “How do these data look, by the way? I feel like I’m missing something, but it’s not coming.” Dr. Adams took the notebook, and started looking through it.

“If ya ever need a babysitter—you know, during your time of the month,” Dr. Adams teased, “I’m sure ya got my number already. I’m sure I can make sure ya don’t tear too much up.”

“I told you, I have it handled,” Briar sighed, watching Dr. Adams look over the work. “You just wanna see me be a puppy now.” All Dr. Adams did was smile, still looking things over. “But seriously…thank you for everything. I…didn’t know how bad I needed to talk to someone about this. Until, well, I did.”

“Don’t mention it. I wasn’t lovin’ the whole “hunting alone” thing either, so I’m not too opposed to havin’ a right hand…person. Also, I know it ain’t what you’re lookin’ for exactly, but these PH readings can’t be right for your soil. Some of ‘em look fine, some of ‘em would kill the plants.”

“Did I mess up the reading again!? I swear to god, if they don’t come up with better PH testing systems for people that literally can’t see color—“ Taking a deep breath, Briar looked over the numbers, and let their face fall into their hands. “I’m waiting to try this again till I get my color vision back. Or I will go insane.” All Dr. Adams could do was put a hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh.

“Aw, hon, maybe we’ll have to find something else for you to do after the full moon. Cuz I think you might lose your marbles if I keep makin’ you interpret colors.”

“In fairness,” Briar sighed, “you didn’t make me do this one. It’s for my project. But I guess. Ugh. I hate that these things are different…”

“But I’d bet there’s some’a you that ain’t mad at it.”

Briar raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “What do you mean?”

“You took to fighting as a wolf pretty easy. I think you finally let your instincts take over instead’a overthinking. And learnin’ to do that’s half the battle of bein’ someone that can manage the twists and turns life throws at you.”

You finally let your instincts take over. Briar took a breath and thought about it. The minute they just let themselves be, without overthinking or stressing, things fell into place. But that caused a pretty big issue…

“I don’t think I can do it again…” they murmured. But Dr. Adams didn’t seem concerned.

“Has anyone ever gotten anything down without practice?” she asked. “It’ll come, just have faith. We’ve got plenty’a time figurin’ out the crazy in this town to get you feelin’ better about just…being. And now that you finally let me know more about you than your alma mater and your research interests, you got me at your side every step of the way.”

When they heard that, Briar couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks, Dr. Adams. Again.”

“Don’t thank me yet, this means you gotta listen to me make all the werewolf jokes you can stand,” she teased. Briar tried to scowl and make a face at her in retaliation.

But this time, somehow, Briar couldn’t manage to keep the corners of their lips from twitching up in a smile.

Tagging @k-v-briarwood , @the-grim-and-sanguine, please let me know if you wanna be added!!

[hismercytomyjustice]

If I had to guess, I’d say I’m writing at about 50% my usual speed because of how much research I’ve been doing for this fic. orz

More fic stuff below:

So far today it’s been research on Lolth and her former boo. And looking at maps trying to figure out what to incorporate in the two chapters I’m having to add closer to the beginning.

I’ve had to go back twice now, which has been super weird for me because I’ve always been a hardcore linear writer. I start at the beginning and go until the end.

Tbh I didn’t know if I could even DO that. Go back and add something, I mean. It’s just not how my writing brain has worked in the past.

I wound up going back twice before already, I think when I was at chapter four, to add a whole other scene to chapter two because it felt too abrupt.

I know it’s discouraged to edit while writing, but this was more so adding than editing?

I tend to write short, I think. I more often find myself having to add things rather than remove. Maybe that’s why the concept of “killing your darlings” has always been a little foreign to me. I don’t have enough darlings to kill. T_T

It’s kind of funny to think about though. Apparently ADHDers tend to have more divergent thinking than convergent thinking, but I think I’ve always treated what little outlining/brainstorming (bullet points of ideas for scenes) I do divergently while I’ve treated my actual writing convergently. I’m also a pantser, though I don’t love the word.

The second time, I was on chapter nine and realized not enough had happened between chapters eight and nine, so I added two new chapters there too. Or at least I think that’s where it was?

This time around I was on chapter 10 before I realized my already heavy Astarion story needed more Gale focused bits. I’ve gone back to add two new chapters after chapter four to fix this.

Who even am I anymore?! 💀 I don’t write like this. This feels illegal. 💀💀💀

It’s been nice having tumblr to externalize my thoughts on the whole process and on my writing in general though. More often than not, I’m hyperaware of all the little things I’m experiencing but I struggle to see the big picture. Journaling has always helped me with that. I wasn’t intending to journal about this in particular, but it’s helped me learn a lot about myself.

I feel like my writing has come a long way too, even if I struggle to see it most of the time. Like, I can’t believe it’s been seven years since I wrote my Cardcaptors fic.

I’ve actually been rereading a lot of my older fics recently. Having a terrible memory helps, lol. Feels like I’m reading something someone else wrote. Haven’t delved back into my original works though.

For me, with my fics I feel like the main thing I notice is that I could use more description of everything. Meanwhile, in my original stuff I feel like I struggle with description, writing strong side characters and villains, and overall story structure. This is probably true to a degree with my fanfics too, but I can rely more on the fact that, if you’re reading one of my fics, you’ve probably already got a good feel for a lot of that stuff because you already have an interest in the media I’m writing them for.

Right now, writing fics for me feels kind of like having the training wheels back on to a degree. I’m trying to use them to learn in a safer space than in my own head (lol). I am not nice to myself, though I’ve gotten considerably better over the years (yay therapy!). Being able to play in someone else’s world is a lot less fraught with things like “oh god I’m a failure, I’ll never be published, no one will ever like this, you’re wasting your time, what makes you think you can write, etc.”

Welcome back Pure O, it’s been a while! 💀 My OCD thought spirals combined with my perfectionism make my brain a not fun place to be, which makes me freeze up, overthink, and struggle to make any progress. I have spent so much time over the past few years just trying to get myself to write again and to not be so critical of my own work that I never create anything. Lol good thing I have therapy tomorrow because I think I just realized my OCD is probably a big part of what’s been causing that. In addition to good ol’ ADHD.

It also helps that you get immediate feedback with fanfics, at least on what’s working well. It’s hard hammering away at something day after day with no dopamine checks to cash. Especially if you have ADHD. I can spend just as much time on an original work that may never see the light of day, but with fanfic I am bound to get at least some people clicking the little heart icon and feeding the Netherese orb of self-doubt inside me!

Yaaaay self-reflection.

[just-jess-78]

How fucking weird is this…he just text me asking if my son got an Xbox for Christmas…he had told him he was going to get him one before he left. They were talking about Christmas stuff. Well, then everything happened and we never heard from him. He didn’t even tell my kids goodbye. He’s been with me since my youngest was one and he’s 16 and didn’t even tell him bye. That was the nail in his coffin for me. (Not that he was like trying to keep me or anything obviously but) I just replied “he did” but I wanted to say “bitch you know he fucking did because I always do what needs done” but fuck it…I’m sure he thinks his dad bought it for him. Part of me would love to let him know that I did it but why??? That’s just the part of me that’s used to trying to prove my worth to him so why when he’s the worthless one. I fucking hate him for texting me. “Didn’t want to bug you during Xmas” yeah bitch, cause I’m a real Xmas party bitch. You know my fucking schedule and you know I was home alone. You didn’t want to bug your mother fucking self bitch. Get the fuck out of here.

Ugh…my face is on fire now and my stomach is in knots. One thing about me that you can take all the way to the bank is that when I’m done I am so mother fucking done. I can’t believe I’m going to have to see him again to get divorced. I never want to exchange any kind of energy with him. Something feels so evil and off with him. I never thought about him being the type to snap but I swear I didn’t know this side of him. I don’t even think he knows that a divorce is in the works and I’m not telling him until I’m out of this house and somewhere that he won’t find me. I had just gotten to where I convinced myself that he wouldn’t hurt me and that I was overthinking the life insurance thing and now it’s right back in my head. If things go south with the new girl it’ll be my fault because everything he fails at is my fault. No matter how much sense it doesn’t make. That scares me because I know how little I mean to him now. Like clearly we weren’t besties like I thought so what would stop him. I’m overthinking everything because it shocked me when he texted. I really want to delete the last part of this but I’m not. Just in case. I’ve never told anyone that I’m afraid of him. I’ve always covered for him. He knows that too. God I can’t believe how fake my life has been. I mean I didn’t go overboard with the making it look perfect but I absolutely kept every bad part locked up like Ft. Konx.

….and I’m covered in hives now. 🙄

[missmyluv]

why? (´；Д；` )

synopsis | miles left you read again for the third time this week with no apology or reason why he did, he makes it up to you.. i guess

cw : i quite literally can’t say anything about future chapters but, cursing, reader overthinking, no miles here (yet)

@bigbawdy-benzz

you roll your eyes at your phone, tapping your nail against the screen annoyingly. this has happened one times too many, with no excuse at that. your patience was running in thin — very thin.

‘he’s playin’ wit my last nerve.’ you massage your forehead to ease the pain from an incoming headache, flipping the water on and splashing the cold water on your face and sighing deeply.

you look up at yourself in the mirror, a mess. you couldn’t take more of this not communicating for any longer — with these thoughts come insecurity, hard thinking and irrational feelings.

you take a deep breath, trying to calm down your eyes from leaking, you place your phone down on your desk and start your skin care routine for bed, it was two am and miles was suppose to come over hours ago — at nine.

you sigh deep in thought, applying your acne cream before spots start poppin’ up because of how much you’re stressin’. you check your phone once again to see if you trippin.. oh your delusions were trying everything to make it seem like he didn’t do it on purpose.

even his mom had checked up on you, three times. she had already left for work, so you decided to leave as well.

does he think that you’re too attached and needs a break ? no, he loves you! has he gotten tired of you ? of course not. maybe he gots his eyes on another girl ???? maybe.. no. you have been clinging onto him lately.. you jus want quality time with him.

you coming?

read 8:57

you lean your head back, staring at the ceiling and reminiscing on the memories you made with him. you’ve always told yourself “don’t let a man be the reason for your acne.” which is basically saying “don’t let him take control of your emotions.” n’ you did, many times.

few minutes later your bonnet sat neatly on your head, jus getting off the phone w/ your gfs trying to reassure you — others saying ‘how much of a bitch he is’. well, those comments didn’t help, but you get where they’re coming from.

you place your phone on your nightstand, turning away from it. your soft cheek pressed against your silk tear-stained pillow. you were going through all of the stages of acceptance at this point.

you silently cried wiping your nose with your bedside tissue, wiping your face with another. ‘i miss him so much.’ god you were pathetic. finally choosing to stop crying you fall asleep soon after, thinking about him.

you left your window slightly open, maybe he’d drop by, just maybe.

[bangtanmix73]

From 3 to 5

Paul Lahote x pregnant reader x Embry Call

Warnings: afab!reader, pregnancy, overthinking, anxiety, Paul would you ‘pup’ I don’t take criticism, fear of rejection, is it obvious I have baby fever?, let me know if I missed anything

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“What am I doing to do, Em, Kim?” You address both of the women sitting on the couch as you paced back and forth.

You had just gotten back from your doctors appointment. You haven’t been feeling well lately and your boys were worried you were sick. You weren’t sick, you were 9 weeks pregnant. With twins.

“Y/n, dear, please sit down.” Emily patted the cushion next to her.

“I can’t sit down, Em, I’m stressed.” You complained.

“I don’t understand why you’re so stressed out, hun.” Kim spoke up for the first time since you told them you were pregnant. “They’re going to be excited.”

You stopped pacing. You stood in front of the girls, face filled with guilt. “The twins could only belong to one of them right? I feel bad that Paul would be the biological father to both and Embry wouldn’t, visa versa.” You whispered, loud enough for them to hear.

“Well that’s the more common case, yeah, but I’m sure Embry or Paul would still love the babies the same.” Emily commented.

“Hang on, the ‘more common case’?” You questioned.

“Yes, I believe it’s called ‘heteropaternal superfecundation’. It’s where one twin belongs to one and the other twin belongs to another man.” She informed you.

“Huh, you really do learn something new everyday.” Kim muttered.

“I really hope that’s my case.” You paused, another question coming to mind. “How far along do you have to be to get a paternity test done?”

“7 or 9 weeks, I believe.” Kim chimed in.

“I’m 9 weeks.” You started. “Do you think they would get a paternity test?”

“I’m sure if you asked them to.” You knew Emily was right. They’d do anything if you asked them to.

“Okay, yeah, I just got to tell them first.” You mentally hyped yourself up to the idea.

“You got this, hun.” Kim encouraged.

“Just one question.” Emily grinned. “Are we the god mothers?”

—-

You were now sitting on the bed while some trash tv show played in the background, having come home a hour ago. You were waiting for your two (2) wolves.

Although, the longer you waited, the more the suspense built. You didn’t plan an extravagant way to tell them, you were too nervous. Besides, you thought being pregnant with twins should be a big enough surprise.

Too lost in your thoughts, you apparently didn’t hear the front door open or your boys calling your name or their footsteps up the stairs. You didn’t know they were home until Embry opened your shared bedroom door.

“Pup, you alright? You didn’t come to the downstairs when we called you.” Paul walked over to you and sat down on the bed, in front of you. Embry sat beside him.

Your heart rate picked up and fear set in and they felt it through the imprint bond.

“Babe? What’s wrong?” Embry moved closer to you.

“I, uh, I have something I need to tell you.” You begin. It took everything in you not to cry from the fear of rejection. “I’m pregnant. Not only that, but with twins.” You took a breath once it was finally out, but it didn’t relax you one bit as neither do them have said anything.

Paul and Embry sat shocked in front of you, not moving or saying anything. Honestly, if they were going to leave you, you wished they’d do it now and quickly.

You hesitantly asked, “B-boys? Are you okay?”

Paul snapped out of his trace first, smashing his lips into yours, taking you by surprise. Nonetheless, you kissed him back, both of your arms wrapping around each other.

Embry poked Paul’s side, forcing him to pull away from you. “My turn, Paul.” Embry demanded, making you giggle while Paul huffed.

Embry put his hands on both sides of your face and brought you in to kiss you. He removed one hand from your face, down to your legs, moving you closer to him and Paul.

He pulled back with the biggest grin on his face. “I love you so much. I’m so happy.” He poked Paul in the side again, making him groan. “We’re going to be dads.”

“So it doesn’t matter if the twins only belong to one of you?” You questioned. Paul moved behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, placing his chin on your shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter who they biologically belong to, they will always be our kids no matter what.” Paul reassured you.

“So, hypothetically, if I asked for get a paternity test, would?” You asked, quickly adding in, “not the it matters, I’m just curious.”

Paul and Embry shared a look.

“Only if you want to.” Embry said. “But for now, can we cuddle? We missed you.”

You smiled, “‘course.”

—-

About a week later, you went in for the paternity test. The boys were restless the whole time. It became worse when the doctor said the results won’t be in for at least 24 hours. When the results finally came in, they were practically bouncing. From nervousness or excitement, you weren’t sure.

Opening the letter, you read it carefully. You gasped which concerned your wolves.

“What? What’s wrong?” They spoke in unison, not bothering to hide the concern in their voices.

“One baby is Paul’s and one is Embry’s.” You announced.

“What?” Paul blurted.

“How’s that possible?” Embry muttered in wonder.

“I’m not sure, but Emily said it’s rare. I’m just surprised this is how it turned out.” You admitted.

Paul hugged you. “I said this before, but it doesn’t matter if one’s mine, others not or if they were mine or not, we’re still going to be their fathers, pup.” He assured you one again, placing a kiss on the top of your head.

Embry hugged you from behind. “You’re going to be a great mother, babe.”

“Guess the 3 musketeers turned into 5.” You joked, sending the three of you into a fit of giggles.