#Gotta keep that in mind IG
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Got a new tablet for artwork so first test picture of DTY Clover
#undertale yellow#uty#deltarune yellow#dty#clover uty#the cowboy hat draws#Sorry for the atrocious colors.. I promise it looked SO much better on my tablet#Gotta keep that in mind IG
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never lay down in bed right after eating. don't think about staying on your phone for nearly two hours in that position. don't sleep either. acid reflux is real and i hate that guy
#uhhhh eat healthy and drink water etc etc#yknow. the exhausting but healthy things we gotta do to keep our silly billy bodies workin#i hate how this adds up to anxious thoughts djsfjdsbhjqklfehpiJADAASFGHJIOPA#i tried drawing today but it felt so draining and pointless#the floods + university strike + the cold + lack of routine + overall anxious thoughts but ig everyone is going through it too#i'm just glad my house is not under water now. my pets and things are all here and i do have blankets to warm myself with#but damn.#when your mind is not occupied with the routine it starts bothering you with unwanted thoughts#and it's not good when everyone else at home is going through the same stress#it feels just as hopeless and stressful as it was during the covid pandemic#in a way we are 'under quarantine' and isolated. unsure if it's gonna directly affect our lives.#i heard the water levels are rising quickly and people are coming in seeking public shelters...#lol idk how this went from acid reflux back to the floods. see that it's def something we can't stop worrying about rn.#what if i wake up with water on my ankles tomorrow? the videos we saw showed the water coming in so fast it's fucking scary#there was no way to just pack everything and move before it got worse.#starbstalks
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thinking so so hard about LaughingStock and how that'd go down. disastrously, probably
#and ill talk about it at Length in the tags until tumblr cuts me off like a rowdy drunk after last call#please keep in mind this is all in my Brain and relationship dynamics etc are all technically speculation. anyway#so while franklydear is your more classic 'oh no im in love with him! / aw shucks im in love with him<3'#laughingstock is 'feelings what feelings / oh shit oh fuck this is bad'#to Me.#in my mind howdy is completely oblivious to his emotions#he's out here like 'gotta get the store impressively neat & shiny for barnaby! and everyone else' without blinking an eye#he starts assembling barnaby and wally's dogs slower an slower so that barnaby has to hang around a smidge longer than usual#he's out here giggling at barnaby's jokes while sweeping Hours or Days after the joke was told like a lovesick idiot#all while being like Ah Yes Barnaby My Dear Friend. My Platonic Buddy Whose Jokes I Laugh At A Little Too Hard. Platonically.#meanwhile barnaby Realizes his own feels. has a minor crisis. goes through the 12 stages of grief and absolutely panics#he's like 'ok just gotta play it cool. normal. dont be weird. he'll fall for your natural charm in no time'#'ill hold all of my feelings right here until i die or howdy reciprocates. i just cant tell anyone about this.'#'....hey wally you can keep a secret right'#and rizzes it up yk. rolls a nat 20 on charisma every time without howdy even realizing it. ig barns rolled for stealth too#and from barnabys pov its going great!#howdy is flirting back! hes showing all the signs! when eddie views their interactions he comes to barnaby later and is like A+ gay as fuck#so barnaby is a soft pining mess and howdy is Absurdly Oblivious despite being a clever & observant guy#so im imagining (will freely admit that this Train of Thought is slightly inspired by the latest chapter of Stamps by Indigopoptart)#that eventually barnaby is Confident in their budding relationship ok. hes ready to ask howdy out.#everyone who Knows (wally & eddie) are like Go For It He Clearly Loves You#and when barnaby tells howdy. howdys like 'ohhhh geez um im really flattered 🥺 but i dont feel the same 😔😭'#cue barnaby turning into the 'never again' meme while trying to laugh it off and pretend like he didnt just have his heart mr starked#so he goes home to smoke his pipe and cry and howdy goes about his day feeling Strange#why cant he stop thinking about that confession. what are these emotions. i mean its not as if hes in love with Ohhhhhh No. Oh No.#so howdy has his 'holy shit! im in love with barnaby! (lovestruck. swooning) ....Holy Shit I Rejected Barnaby (horrified. nauseous)' moment#cue howdy expecting barnaby to come by in the morning as per Routine so they can talk. he Doesnt. cue howdy stressing the fuck out over it#meanwhile wally sally (eddie sent her in his place. hes too busy) and barnaby are having a girls day (eating ice cream and watchin romcoms)#eventually barnaby hears that howdy has been Dropping The Ball and cant not check on him. cue emotional heart-2-heart outside the bodega#this is all very specific but its in my brain. these scenarious lull me to sleep every night lately
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i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?
can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit
#vaugepostimg on main about an irl don’t mind me#i just. am feeling sad bcus i have been trying to keep my distance and respect the space they said they needed. and then they reached out to#me for their book club and said we should chat and i got excited! i miss my friend of course i got excited#still let them take the lead. i want them to be comfortable. they said they’d lmk what day they were free#and then proceeded to ghost me for like. almost two weeks??#(it was 10 days but !!! still!!! almost 2 weeks from them suggesting i come to book club which would’ve inherently necessitated an irl talk#and then after all that yesterday said they actually weren’t ready which. hurted#tbf i knew something was up after like 2 days of them not replying so it’s not like i was fully caught off guard it just really hurt#and like i feel weird bcus our social circles are really overlapped and i spent a lot of time with them last winter and i had thought#that would happen again this winter. we would swim together a lot and i consistently went to their house dinners#bcus if i care about you i show up! and i’m understanding ! bcus i am patient and kind person and as a triple taurus i’m not tryna rush ever#especially when it comes to people’s emotions ??? especially if someone has told me i hurt them???? like ik im an autistic lesbian but#despite popular conceptions on that particular identity. im not fucking evil ????? if you ask for space i will give you space !!!!!#and like when it comes to emotions and conflict i’m blunt but i’m caring and it takes a lot for me to be disinfranchised by people#or relationships. so i’m not saying i don’t want to still be her friend#i’m just. noticing behaviors#they did tell me that they were very avoidant in conflict and i told them i’m very much not and like. now that i’m on the receiving end of i#idk what to do!! i’m not gonna chase her down like they’re grown!! and again!!! if you ask for space i’m going to respect that!!!#and like honestly. i’m happy she at least gave me the curtesy of saying they weren’t ready to talk even if it took her mad long to do it#so like. who tf knows when we’ll talk. if ever. probably when she wants the validation of our friendship if it even happens at all#bcus again. she reached out not to reconnect and clear the air but to check if i still wanted to come to her club she was starting#ik in earlier conversations she was worried no one would come but ig she found people. which like good for her tbh but to be honest i feel#discarded?? i’m feeling like i’m failing to not project too much so i gotta stop but idk man i’m just feeling weird about it all#and then i had the thought today of like. is this what i want in a friendship? someone who goes back and forth abt whether or not i’m worth#which again. kinda wasn’t expecting that bcus we spent so much time together last autumn/winter/spring like. many times per week!!!#so the idea of not being her friend all of a sudden?? feels fucjing weird to think about#but like? i don’t want to feel this way this is what i hate about west coast/white people conflict resolution!! there fucking isn’t any!!!#and i can’t deal with that! i can’t spend my life with people who aren’t going to engage with me as a person who cares about them#humans are fallible creatures and were only here on earth for so long so why are we wasting time here? what is the point of all this ???????#but then the guilt and shame say i deserve it all and at that point i just need to stop so. i’m gonna stop now lol
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superboy: the man of tomorrow 1 spoilers
(it's just one panel but below the cut just in case)
memory identification: go!
#dc spoilers#memory identification CHALLENGE#okay so: obviously there's the 'waking up in cadmus'#the friends don't seem like a reference to anything - i mean ig it could be donna's death but i think they're just a generic memory#or possibly it's yj:dc and there's just nothing that actually happened to reference?#i think that's tara dying#and then the last one: match punching him?or is it superboy-prime punching him?#(to be conner is to be constantly getting punched by alternate superboys dsfdsfs)#anyway (despite this one angsty panel) this was fun and zippy#v. light-hearted and not a whole lot to it - looks like it'll be space adventure + punching-stuff#there isn't enough here to really hook me but the art is cute and conner's narration is bouncy#so if they keep putting it on the app i'll probably keep reading#i really wish. mm. okay WARNING RANT INCOMING this is kind of tangential and maybe it's just the comics that i pick up#but i feel like of the few modern comics i've picked up - a lot of them are very light on the characters having concrete problems#even problems as simple as 'getting bad grades in school' or 'have to lie to my dad' or 'need a job to pay the rent'#like. i feel like tim in robin '93 had concrete problems that couldn't be solved with a pep talk and 'you just gotta believe in yourself'#dick in nightwing '97 - same! concrete personal life problems that could not be resolved by a pep talk!#and i really miss. like. characters experiencing dilemmas or having to make trade-offs#and just generally i miss a bit more realism - like. conner feels unneeded. okay? so?#shouldn't he be going to school or something? why is costume-stuff top of mind? where are the authority figures/external forces?#i think these kinds of intensely-internal problems can work in non-visual fiction bc you're in the character's head BUT#comics are largely visual and everything with real emotional punch works way better if it's concrete things that i can see#anyway that's just my personal preferences though and it's not superboy's fault!#conner's never been a realistic character - he had goofy merchandising and was a kid celebrity and so forth#and although i didn't read his preboot solo i don't think he ever went to school there either? except in adventure comics?#so he seems very well-suited to plucky space-adventure#and i wish him the best. go forth and prosper conner!! punch those aliens!!
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big day for jace 6=w=9
#(reference to musical podcast '36 questions')(replacing my name for jace's doesnt feel like im doing him enough justice o7)#anyway i had my last appointment with my therapist today!!! YAY ig.#idk im not good with officially closing things off i like to let them fade out slowly.#so i dont think ill be reading the card she wrote me Y-Y i want to but it feels too real. yaknow.#(i also still have the shirt from our graduation party where we all wore white and wrote on eachother. i have not read it. its been 2 years#augh this is good tho im very glad im doing better =w=bb#plus im still talking to other mental health people but theyre just more casual and a bit less often etcetc. yay#ALSO#i mended my first proper piece of clothing today!! i made a lil hole in one of our shared workshirts and wanted to fix it and i did!!#ive sewn a bit before and right before i did the shirt i fixed a bit of a seam that had sprung in one of my joggers but.#this was the first thingy that wasnt like a seam or anything!!! and it will be worn in proper public!!#im not saying its a perfect job but i dont think its too bad at all <3#sillyposting#YAYYYAYY#augh only thing left today is do some reading homework but i really dont wanna.....#gotta keep the little treat in mind....
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Some recent wins:
-Sang loudly and off-key with my partner. We were both laughing to tears. I was sober.
-Found myself actually thinking about musical theatre today. For myself, for my own interest in it. I wasn't chasing it for a narc high, nor avoiding it due to a crash. It's been a long time since I've thought about my interests for my own sake.
-Invited my friends to hang out
#(btw to the person who reblogged my last post w/supportive tags. ty<33 that made me smile c:)#i've invited my friends to hang out before but have been rejected multiple times#i decided today to start a journal for this. that way i'll be able to see when my friends actually accept offers to hang out#and my brain doesn't just go ''they'll always reject the offer they don't like u''#they said yes this time it worked out rly well!#the journal will also be able to show me if it's one specific person/group of ppl who keep rejecting me (so i cant over-generalize)#and if maybe i just need to change my approach (e.g. i think i come off confident but in reality#ig my insecurity and apologetic attitude come through. so asking people in a really insecure way might make them anxious or may make them#feel pressured. )#(ive also gotta be mindful to not turn that into an identity thing. like. being insecure doesn't mean i'm unlovable. it's fine! ppl get#insecure. i can change my approach without taking it personally if smthn doesn't work)
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I was curious, you mentioned a deadname. Are you trans? (You totally don’t have to answer this if it’s too personal.)
🫶💕
Okay, this topic might be controversial??
I was assigned female at birth but i have since came out as a demigirl with basically means “someone who was assigned female at birth but does not fully identify with being a woman, socially or mentally.” (But those who werent assigned female at birth can also identify as a demigirl, the first bit just doesn’t apply)
So i use both she/her and they/them pronouns! (I prefer they/them but i most use she/her in public spaces for…safety reasons)
My deadname was overly feminine for me and I just started to hate it, i also connected it with bad memories so I just decided to change it!
ANYWAYS! Demigirls and demiboys are kinda riding the line of being in the trans umbrella if that makes sense? Thankfully i haven’t had any negative experiences, but i have heard of events where people from the trans and cis communities bash both demi girls and boys for their identities…sooo yeah!
#trippy answers#🪐planet bek🪐#i dont mind at all!#it was nice to Talk about actually?#i dont really like saying im trans cause it feels like I dont fit by definition#but im also not cis at all??#it’s difficult at times but lifes life#just gotta keep trucking on ig
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how in the fuck was Saria’s Song the first song Link learned. that shit is difficult to get right how in the fuck
#binkus is just on another level ig goddamn#it’s not insanely difficult but it is fast and u gotta control ur breath for those triplets#(is that the proper terminology?? idk i’m teaching myself how to play idk the fancy words just yet lmao)#and it’s a lot of higher notes too in those triplets so u rlly gotta be comfortable w the instrument#especially when u get to the E and D notes where u gotta remove ur fingers from the holes on the bottom#those notes r the bane of my existence rn#i can deal w them in Zeldas Lullaby bc it’s a lot slower but saria’s song is fuckin Fast#at least to me it is. keep in mind i’ve had this thing for two months i ain’t that good lmao#i can get Aryll’s theme and Zelda’s lullaby sounding decent and that’s abt it atm#i’ve got ballad of the windfish sort of down but i gotta practice it a fuck ton more#anyhow. im rambling once again hajskkdka#clo’s one personality trait (music)
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Ppl point out the clean lineart on my traditional drawings and I’m like “huh...yea you’re right..hm, uh. I didn’t really notice to be completely honest with ya”
#random post#like...I’ve been swept away by drawing oc and blasting sounds that I forgot I was performing the act of drawing#my brain is never really conscious while drawing really...I just get like. vague ideas about oc and a fuzzy image of what they look like#and what they’re doing/saying on repeat in my mind with no real voice#mmmmmmmmmmmmm uh. yea uhm uh. the only time I think about my drawing is when someone is watching me. or I’m drawing on my phone. cus drawing#lines on this bitch fucking sucks lowkey hshsgahdvhd. and the fucking COLORS I really just need someone to like. color things for me cus#I’m indecisive as hell and keep changing things. even when I have a color pallete for a character! I like! change it by the next drawing! 😭#bro I#I’m incoherent a bit I apologize lol I was studying for test but turns out we don’t HAVE class today so no test.. but !!#uhnn gn mgmg hm I just wanted to get this one done with 😭#is fine ig. I’ll just. do other class stuffs? I gotta write English final essay#make up the OTHER essays that are like. 3 weeks past due.. another assignment for English..#fucking. MATH. and then studying for THAT final#AND WRITE MY FINAL FOR HISTORY#AND DO THE FINAL PROJECT FOR LEARNING FRAMEWORKS#BROO OH N O#I’m just rattling off nonsense here I apologize 😘 hdmsj
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Back in my origami business cuz a month ago, I gave my lil sis a tiny fish origami as a joke expecting her to throw it out like she did when I gave her an origami last year but turns out her opinion of it changed already and was so excited to see the lil fish that now she wants me to keep giving her origami. She's in a very spooky mood so now I've been making halloween themed origami.
#aria rants#i honestly dont mind it cuz origami was one of my special interests back then id be making so much origami that my mom would get#annoyed by the amount of paper that id be throwing in the trash (we dont buy the paper specifically meant for it) id use any#type of paper i can get my hands own so long as i can form it into a square which results in some leftover paper from the cut#i rarely make origami until now honestly. i missed doing it last month so i was like: hehe fish origami :3 well-- now im here#making a cat origami. complete with some glue to keep in from unfolding now cuz its like toys to my lil sis at this point#i also gotta mainly do this whenever shes asleep cuz she gets to excited whenever i pull out the paper she'd be zooming all over the place#ig in one way or another its a good patience practice for her when she's getting for me to finish making it
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just a girl that's always forced to bottle up her emotions for the sake of others.
#*carly catalogs#tbd#and then everyone in my family has the audacity to be soooo shocked whenever i can't take it anymore and have an outburt#fucking hate it here i hate that my mother only allows one emotion in her house (happiness)#when she knows full well she has mentally ill children who all struggle with being happy#plus i'm human jfc i'm not a robot and it is my god given right to be angery/sad/depressed/etc#uggghh i can't deal with this anymore i can't deal with my family anymore i'm so detached from them we are absolutely nothing alike#god idk what to do idk how to even vent and get all this out i just keep pulling at my hair#i feel like i'm gonna spontaneously combust#let me be angry let me be sad let me be whatever! just let me be!!!!!#ig i just gotta try and take my mind off it... try to catch up on pjo
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hm
#self harm tw#against all odds i did not self harm today wow#i was this close but i didn't#simply bc it was a pain in the ass to patch up my right thigh so#it hurts like a bitch sometimes it makes me so annoyed gsdhajdkdj like yea yea self harm cutting open ur thigh is gonna hurt but can u stop?#my mood swings so much too im legit losing my fucking mind dude#i think i need to get back on meds fr. just dont know how to sit my mom down to tell her#like oh hey gotta a sec great so remember three years ago when i tried to kill myself? yeah its about to happen again#im actually gonna try to get my prescription back alone but if it doesn't work then ya ill have to tell her ugh#i need to book a psychiatrist bc idk if taking my old nortriptyline is gonna help or if i need something else#because my mind is literally kill yourself kill yourself kill yourself 24/7 👍👍👍#and if i dont get the meds soon ill just be goneeeeeee#so ya#for some godforsaken reason maybe i dont wanna go#which is stupid bc ik the cycle is gonna keep repeating like it has for the past 10 fucking years#but. at least till only friends ends ig lmfaoooooo#anyway#going to try and sleep when im a side sleeper and both sides of my hips and legs are full of cuts 🫡#dawn.txt
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i think my solution 4 the streak system issue btw is to cap it at 3 and if im able to keep it up for 4 weeks then itll go up to the easier difficulty ykwim.. so its worth less. so like if im able to meet the goal for my Single red task (which is outside time) 4 weeks in a row itd move down to a yellow task.. and the streak would reset and once i get it 2 4 again it goes to a green then to blue and etc.
#but im also hrmmmmm... bc ideally some of these things will judt become second nature thats the whole point#but where theyre also to determine my free spending money.. do u guys see the predicament here#ideally id just be able to come up eith new goals to add as i complete all of these and they become second nature... so ill have 2#keep that in mind.. ive been considering once ummmm ummm once my umm. oh i could add laundry thatd be a rly good one since i need 2 make#ure 2 be doing my laundry consistently. okie#bc i think ill do my laundry sundays... since saturday is my day out yk.#and the weekdays where i work until 3 theres no time to dry clothes in the evening#oh but anyways. i was thinking once i finish school Which i will . fucking eventually fuck you physics i hate you i hate you i hate you.#i might replace the school task with reading since thats somrthing i want 2 get into... ive also thought abt maybe just adding likeeee#just a hobby task... thats kind of general but itd be like. when i finally get into sewing and whenever i draw etc. and if i cook more...#see cookings a hard one bc ig its kind of included eith eating well but also eating well is so vague i kinda just need 2 likee. change that#i ALSO want 2 start working on drinking more water.. and exercising Eventually. rn exercising is semi included in outside time since#outside time is just Leave the house and not for worm#aork#not even like fr leave the house bc if i sit on the porch that counts.. just gotta get out sometimes yk.#but yas and of course another way i can keep it in check is t judt up the weekly goal..
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Regardless of friend or stranger, those who have seen past the easygoing facade would think her quite selfish and self-centered. And she is. She won’t hesitate to make that clear if they are in the know; in fact, would be rather relieved to.
However most don’t realize she would also be the very first person to sacrifice something, without thought or hesitation, should the situation need it.
#hc; general#//She's gotta keep up appearances that she isn't someone to rely on#//Even though at her core; she is an extremely loyal person#//Bc if the people she likes realize just how much she's willing to do for them before she's ready to show that; she feels they may Use tha#//She may actively screw people over for what she wants; even her own allies; but if it's a genuine serious life or death choice?#//She'd choose THEM in a heartbeat; even if it screws over her progress for anything#//There are rare cases where she may hesitate; but ultimately; THEY are the ones that matter most#//Not that she would tell just anyone this#//She'd definitely prefer they think she's not someone they ought to trust/believe in too much#//She is That person; the sort who would let the world burn if it meant saving (1) person she cares about#//She would make it crumble herself; brick by brick; if they so much as asked#//She has two love languages Torment & Devastatingly Hi-level Devotion#//Basically Quality Time & Acts of Service ig#//But to the left a bit#//Which makes it all the more surprising when she chooses her goals instead#//Bc she’s had enough of the lack of reciprocity#//She doesn’t mind not getting equal dedication back for small stuff but if she’s constantly the one giving things up & working in goals?#//She’s gonna feel used and BOY is the resulting way she goes about showing Exactly how she feels about that the worst#//Her loyalty is Not something you take lightly At All
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,, 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT MY EX ’’
JUST when you thought your life couldn’t get any worse after your biggest break up of the year, someone posted your (very) much hateful list about your ex.
PAIRING. Ex!jake X Ex-fem!Reader
GENRE. fluff(look at me putting this first in genre) , angst , exes to lovers.
WARNINGS. y/n is kind of a bitch towards jake ig, jake is a big big player, lots of miscommunications, also very much not proofread!! i shall add more if i missed something!
WORD-COUNT. 7.8k+
NOTE. there we go again with this story cover, im outta here, graphics and me are not friends UGH i gotta start paying for someone to actually do this for me smh. anyways!! everything here is FICTIONAL!! i do NOT see jake nor any of the characters like that in any way!! if you don’t like it—youre very welcomed to skip!!
you thought you had your brightest future in your hands.
being an ace student, scoring A+ in all of your tests and winning the teacher’s favoritism, all of that while also being the most popular cheerleader of your school.
you’re literally living everyone’s dream, not only being a popular student, but also dating the most popular student who also happened to be your highschool’s basketball team leader, jake sim.
girls swoon for him, beg him to notice them, even go as far as to send him gifts that costs probably more than their own house, but no, his eyes search for one person and one person only, and that’d be you.
“i’m sorry, i can’t continue all of this”
“this? what do you mean—“
“i mean us, this relationship, i don’t think it’s going to work anymore”
“oh”
“that’s all you got to say?”
“do you expect me to cry and get on my knees, begging you to regret this?”
“what?”
“speechless now, are we? i’ve been waiting for this day”
denial was your best friend, and you might’ve realized it a bit too late.
you were hurt, fuck you wanted to break down and cry. but he doesn’t deserve to see that.
you ignored so many red flags in your relationship, you were lovesick and pathetic, all for him, it broke you apart. but you do not want to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry.
“y/n…”
“i don’t want to hear it jake, i’m actually glad you took this step”
you’re not glad at all, you do love him.
“i wish you the best” he said quietly and left.
this whole relationship felt like a mistake for the both of you, it was toxic, too toxic.
like those you see on TV shows where the popular girl and guy just date for fame and nothing more, yeah, just like that.
but you loved each other, you really did. communication was your biggest enemy, and that’s what lead to this whole toxic relationship mess.
“what a fucking asshole! it hasn’t even been a month and he’s already all over the girls! pathetic”
“yeji!”
your best friend rolled her eyes, “am i wrong? he was always a player”
you shook your head.
she wasn’t totally wrong, even before you started dating he used to hold a different girl in his hands every other day.
big player indeed.
you on the other hand, no matter how popular you were, you stayed reserved. many boys tried their luck, but it was no use.
though being reserved, you didn’t mind the looks the other boys gave you, and took every chance you had to show yourself off.
therefore it was so surprising to everyone that you and jake started dating.
the biggest player and the reserved popular girl, dating? this had to be a joke.
the truth is that jake had been keeping his eyes on you for long, and he knew that he has to hold you in his arms and show you that a player like him can actually love.
at first it took him time to break down your walls, but he did his best to assure you that he’ll never let anything bad happen to you.
that was….well, until he decided to break things off.
“yeah, he was, once a player, always a player” you agreed with her, glancing at jake and rolling your eyes when noticing that the girl he was flirting with is having too much fun.
“let’s just go, i’m tired of watching those clowns” you sighed and walked away.
“y/n! i’m sorry you had to witness….well—“
“it’s okay sunghoon, really”
before you and yeji could walk too far, sunghoon stopped you.
sunghoon is jake’s best friend, you and him weren’t the best at making conversation while you and jake were still together, but when you broke up, something changed between the two of you.
“don’t mind him, he can be a total asshole sometimes”
“sometimes?” yeji chuckled and sunghoon nervously scratched his nape.
“thank you sunghoon, i’m fine though” you gave him a weak smile and walked away.
“well if there’s one thing that’s good about jake is that his best friend is smoking hot and totally into you!!” yeji clapped her hands.
you rolled your eyes in disbelief, “yeji i don’t think you get it, he’s just being nice because he feels bad about his best friend acting like a dickhead”
“oh y/n, i can read face expressions, he’d definitely ask you out if only things weren’t so difficult”
“don’t push it!”
“that’s the ONLY good thing about jake though, i feel bad for that walking red flag, he’s so bad at keeping his relationships”
“i should make a list of things that i hate about him and send it to every girl in school so they’d know they need to run away from him!” you joked.
“i’d definitely help you, i’m sure as hell that it’ll make his ugly face vanish” she was joking as well.
you both were joking, you knew it very well.
so how the hell did you find yourself sitting in your room desk, writing a list about the things you hate about your ex?
“one, he’s smoking hot, his visuals can mess up your mind” you’re writing everything down as you’re saying them out loud.
complimenting him on your first point? way to go girl!
“two, he’s a big fat player, once your date is over he’s already probably running to find his next” you rolled your eyes to this one.
not even a month passed and he’s already flirting with others? what a loser!
“three, so full of himself! it actually hurts to see a person who loves himself so much he could probably die!”
that one time he wouldn’t stop talking about how many girls asked him out in one night? yickes!
“four, so toxic and possessive! don’t want you around any guy while he walks around and talks with any girl he sees”
when he got jealous that you spoke with your childhood friend about the most random thing ever? disgusting!
“five, puts milk before cereal, i don’t even need to explain!”
a walking red flag or what?
after finishing the rest five points you had to make, you decided to call it a night and drifted away to dreamland.
“psst”
“hm?”
“i know we were joking about the hateful list yesterday, but i actually made it”
“what?!”
you put your hand over yeji’s mouth and giggled.
“it just felt so good! i feel so relieved now! i don’t even want to post it, but it just felt so right to just let everything out”
“so proud of you, girl! finally let it go and move on!!” she pat your shoulder and then proceeded to hug you.
“where did you hide that list?” she raised her brow.
“i just brought it with me today, i put it in my locker and i’ll probably burn it by the end of the day, i just wanted to show it to you first before i do it”
“now that’s my girl!”
yeji is the bestest friend you could’ve ever asked for. she was always there for you.
ever since you were little you were stuck like a glue, you had each other’s backs and you were more than thankful to have her in your life.
“hey y/n! i was just wondering, do you perhaps have notes for the last maths class? i missed it because of practice and i’d really like some help” sunghoon showed up with a grin.
“sure, they’re in my locker, i’ll bring it to you” you nodded and he shook his head.
“i’ll come with you”
“oh? okay”
he followed you to your locker and waited for you to give him the notes.
“what’s in this paper?” he asked as he looked at the very cute designed paper.
“oh? that’s nothing really” you shrugged it off and quickly closed your locker, “bring them back to me when you finish”
“i will, thank you!” he said and walked away.
you opened your locker again to take out the paper, you sighed heavily and shoved it into your bag.
“six, he can’t keep his promises! if he’ll ever tell you he’ll play some video games with you, don’t believe it!!” yeji read it out loud and laughed.
you laughed with her, suddenly finding this list so funny.
“seven, his puppy eyes are definitely misleading! he’s a one manipulative bitch and he won’t be afraid to use his cute puppy eyes!” she rolled her eyes, “is that a good or a bad thing?”
“bad thing obviously! it’s literally written there that he’s manipulative!”
“girls love puppy eyes! you should know that!” she preached and you rolled your eyes.
you spent the rest of your lunch break giggling and laughing about this stupid list.
“i’m returning this to my locker, i’ll burn it after practice today” you told her and she nodded.
“i need proof of that, video call me when you do it!” she said and sent you off to practice.
arriving at the field, you found your friends and practice started.
“hey, y/n!” as you were packing everything in your bag and exiting the dressing room, sunghoon, who was already there waiting for you called you.
“hey, you” you grinned.
“will you let me do the honor and walk you home today?” he asked ever so nicely.
“sure!” you smiled and began to walk with him, completely forgetting about the paper you had to burn.
“i can’t believe you forgot the paper in your locker! what if someone steals it?” yeji complained over the phone right after you texted her that you forgot about it.
“yeji! no one knows it’s there except you! it’s not ‘to all the boys i’ve loved before’ story! you can calm down” you sighed.
you were right though, who knows this locker holds up something that can completely ruin not only yours but also your ex’s image?
“i guess i’m gonna let this slide today, but i’m going to burn this paper with you tomorrow!”
“hm”
“how was your walk with sunghoon~?” she teased.
“it was cool, he’s such a cute guy, surprised that he’s still single honestly”
“i think we both know why”
“i’m gonna go sleep!” you changed the subject and before she could ask any more questions you hang up.
the next day you found yourself yet again a victim to yeji’s new gossips while trying to take out a few things from your locker.
“so as i was saying—are you even listening to me?” she looked at you while you looked at the mirror that was hanged in your locker and applied your lipstick on.
“hm? oh yeah”
“you’re a lost case”
“we’re gonna burn this paper today! and then i will finally be able to feel free from this relationship” you smiled, explaining to her that it was the only thing on your mind.
“you’re damn right! this hate list about jake is going to be burnt today!!”
“this hate list about who?”
you jumped hearing someone else’s voice behind you.
“oh! yena, didn’t see you here” you chuckled nervously.
“just here to tell you that coach said there’ll be another practice today, i came here privately because, you know, you’re too busy in other things to care” oh she’s a one of a kind bitch.
you gave her a sarcastic smile, “i already know that, but thank you”
she returned the fake smile and walked away.
“that was so close!”
“you should be more careful, this girl is just looking for something that’ll bring you down” yeji whispered and you nodded, “i guess you’re right, at least she didn’t really hear all of this”
school ended and so did your practice, yeji leaned on the wall next to your locker as you searched for the paper.
“i could’ve sworn i put it right there!!”
“y/n think!! maybe you put it in your bag?”
you handed her your bag for her to search it.
“oh! i found it! it was between those notebooks” you giggled, “but i could’ve sworn i put it under all of my books”
“at least you found it” she sighed and put her hand over your shoulder.
“let’s burn this bitch!”
looking at the little fire you made with yeji made you feel excited and mostly happy.
you let all your thoughts together with this paper to burn.
your relationship was toxic, but this time was the most beautiful time in your life.
you and jake really did love each other.
one time you were sitting together in the library, trying to study the new material your teacher gave you.
“what are you up to?” he asked.
“studying, that’s why we’re in the library” you smiled.
“that’s so boring!” he pout. you giggled and pecked his lips, “you can be on your phone or something until i finish”
“no” he shook his head, “i want to do something with you”
“jake—“
“let’s go! i’m taking you on a date!” he grabbed your hands and dragged you out.
you spent the rest of your day together, sharing a few snacks and joking around.
it was the perfect kdrama couple everyone dreams of.
you ended up sleeping at jake’s house that day, and he made sure you knew how much he loves you.
“i can see our future together,” he smiled and held your hands, “me, a famous basketball player and you, my pretty partner”
you were sitting right across him on his bed and raised a brow, “oh? so i get to do nothing?”
“i’ll make sure to work hard so you could rest and never work for your entire life” he hugged you and pecked your cheek.
“remember that promise, i’ll use that against you in the future” you joked.
“that means…..you too see a future for us?”
“of course”
he put his hand on your cheek and moved you closer to him, he kissed you so deeply you could feel his love to you was sincere.
that small flashback of this romantic moment made you smile, you really do miss him.
but a dark memory came right away, not leaving any place for the sweet memories to stay,
“oh so i didn’t pay attention for you for once and now you’re giving fuck eyes to my best friend?” he yelled.
“you’re such an idiot sometimes! sunghoon was actually kind enough to apologize on your behalf! you were basically embarrassing me in front of everyone!”
“so now sunghoon’s the hero? go to him then!”
“why are you so stup—“
“i don’t want to hear your complains, y/n!”
“oh really?—“
“yes! go away!”
thinking about those moments reminded you why you’re still here looking at the hateful list you made about him.
he was toxic, possessive, and full on narcissistic, it was so hard to love him sometimes.
yeji came up to hug you when she noticed a few tears streamed down your face.
“let it go now, you already proved yourself you don’t need him” she smiled and you nodded.
“let’s go home”
the next day felt a lot better than the others, the sun was shining brightly, birds were singing, a big smile was smeared all over your face and most importantly, you felt free.
“morning, y/n!”
“morning yeji! lunch is on me today”
“i look up to you so much, my queen” she faked a bow and you giggled.
the day is going to be amazing, and so are the other days! you’re so sure of it.
you decided to keep up with jake’s game and even started flirting with other guys, not even minding if your ex was watching or not.
usually you would, but not now, or never again.
“what’s your fucking problem?”
while talking to some guy you don’t even remember the name of, jake grabbed your wrist and stopped the conversation.
“what do you mean—“
“i mean flirting with him, he’s supposed to practice—“
“you don’t return from break for the next ten minutes, i can talk with him in the meantime” you rolled your eyes.
“coach said—“
“don’t make up things now and don’t act like you care, we’re already over”
“y/n—“
“don’t play this game with me now jake, you can return to your fangirls and leave us alone” you scoffed and released his hold on your wrist.
he rolled his eyes in annoyance and walked away.
“did you see the way he looked at you? i bet you my whole money that he still loves you” yeji sounded as annoyed as he was.
“be ready to go bankrupt because there’s no chance”
“this asshole thinks you’re still in a relationship, he’s sooooo pathetic!”
“yeji, let’s stop talking about him” you groaned and she nodded.
you were in a really good mood today but he totally just ruined it.
the next few days went by so fast, you felt happier by each day that comes by, and nothing could ruin your mood.
that was until today’s morning.
as soon as you stepped your foot in the school’s hallway, people started gossiping.
“y/n! about point five, does he really put his milk before cereal? that’s disgusting!” a random student just popped up and asked you that question straightforwardly.
“huh?”
a few more students gathered around you and you couldn’t even understand a bit of what they were saying.
“excuse me! coming through!” yeji yelled and pushed everyone aside.
when she noticed you in the middle of the circle, she grabbed your hand and dragged you away.
“are you crazy? why would you post the list?!” she asked frustratedly.
“what list?”
“don’t play dumb!”
“no i’m really serious, what are you talking about?”
she glanced up at you and showed you her phone.
“no way!” you gasped.
someone posted your list!
“yes way! are you that stupid?”
“yeji that wasn’t me! i would never do something so dumb!” you reasoned yourself.
right, why would you even post this if you knew it was going to ruin your reputation?
she sighed and walked back and forth.
“it wasn’t me either!” she said almost instantly.
“yeji, you’re the only one who knows about this list” you said suspectedly.
“y/n, do you really think i’d post this? after shit-talking about him and threatening to kill him multiple times?” she looked genuinely hurt.
you know her ever since you know yourself, she wouldn’t do such a thing.
“you’re right” you sighed.
“so,” she spoke, “who’s the asshole?”
“i wish i knew” you scoffed, “i’d like to know who wants to ruin my image”
there were a few seconds of silence, “yena!” you and yeji shouted together with wide eyes.
“this bitch!” yeji spat, “she probably heard us talking about it!”
“oh i’m gonna give her some good bea—“
you were cut off by the bell and had to head straight to class.
you waited for everyone to get in and told yeji you’d come right after you get to your locker and take your notes.
the hallway was empty and you sighed in relief.
“YOU!!” you heard someone shouting across the hallway.
guess it wasn’t so empty after all.
you looked at the person and found the last person you wanted to see.
“you ruined my life!” the person just got closer and closer and you closed your eyes tightly.
“is it because of our break up? that’s how you get back at me? you ruined everything!”
you sighed heavily.
“and what’s with those points? eight, he’s such a nerd for physics it actually hurts, he won’t stop talking about it all the time, nine, thinks his dog is the cutest and will argue you if you don’t think like him, and ten, he’ll use your deepest secrets against you, he cannot be trusted???” he read out the list for you in disbelief, although you already know it.
“those are all lies aren’t they? why did you even—“
“well what am i supposed to do now? it’s already posted, and no! these are not lies! they’re the truth, if you only cared about how i felt in our relationship you’d realize how much of a dick you were” you scoffed and closed your locker, prepared to go to class since you were already too late.
you glanced at jake one last time, he looked speechless, confused and hurt.
were you too much? maybe. but he deserves it.
“hey y/n! should i be careful if i want to date you? i don’t want a hateful list posted about me if i ever break up with you” a random student yelled from across the hall as you were busy talking with yeji.
you glared at him and decided not to reply.
“ignore them, this whole thing will probably vanish in a few days” yeji caressed your back and you sighed.
“i hope you’re right—“ before you could continue, a hand grabbed your wrist and pulled you away from yeji.
you looked at the person in charge and when you noticed it was very angry looking jake, you started panicking.
“hey, let me go!” you tried to let go of his hold but it was no use.
“why didn’t you delete it yet?” he asked angrily when you got into an isolated place.
“delete what?”
“are you that stupid?”
“obviously if i’m still talking to you”
“i’m talking about the post”
“it wasn’t me!” you argued.
“sure, and i’m actually queen elizabeth” he rolled his eyes, clearly not believing you.
“think about it, why would i ruin my reputation?”
“i don’t know, to get sunghoon’s attention? that’s all you ever did” he shrugged.
“you’re a piece of shit, you know that? try to figure who it was on your own” you spat and walked away, leaving him deep in thoughts.
“oh! there you ar— are you okay?” sunghoon who casually bumped into you noticed your frowned eyebrows and tightly closed fists.
“go to your friend, i think he needs you more than i do”
he slowly nodded, still worried about you but you just kept walking away.
“hey dude! what’s going on?” sunghoon noticed his friend’s weird behavior.
“sunghoon,” jake spoke, “who do you think posted it?”
sunghoon shrugged, “it could be anyone”
“who wants to destroy my image? do you think there’s someone that does?”
sunghoon looked at his friend in disbelief, does he really think only about himself now?
“maybe it was someone who wants to get back at y/n and not you? not everything revolves around you, you know”
ouch. truth hurts sometimes.
but it seemed to hit a nerve and jake suddenly got up.
“yena!”
“ugh! just when i thought my life got better without him now i have a huge scandal because of him” you whined.
“are you sure it was only because of him? i mean, you did leave it in your locker and…” yeji was about to continue but stopped when she noticed your glare.
“on who’s side are you?”
“every coin has two sides and you know it” she pressed her lips and you sighed.
maybe she’s right, instead of always blaming your ex about your life problems, you should face the truth sometimes.
“well if it isn’t the famous y/n!” you heard a voice you wished you’d never hear again.
“yena! it’s so good to see you here” you faked a smile, “what brings you here?”
“i study here” she answered sarcastically and you tried to resist the urge to punch her in the face.
“anyway, your list got so famous that everyone at school talks about it! i think you should thank whoever posted it”
“maybe i should! it really got me some fame, even your boyfriend came up to me today” you teased and her face turned red.
“you’re lying!”
“your boyfriend would say otherwise”
she scoffed and ran away, “tell him i agree to go on a date with him!” you shout as she walked away.
“you should go easy on her” yeji, who was there to witness everything that happened shook her head.
“it was her who posted it, she deserved it” you huffed and sped up your walk to the classroom.
your last class was finished after what felt like a year and as you got out you finally took a deep breath.
“i’ll see you tomorrow, try not to think about what happened today!” yeji sent you off and you smiled at her.
as soon as you stepped your foot in school you wished you could run away.
before anyone would notice you, you tried to sneak around and look for yeji.
“y/n!” god how much you hate universe.
“what do you want jake?” you answered rudely.
“just wanted to say thank you for that list,” he said sarcastically, “it’s not like you ruined my reputation or something like that, hey by the way! do you think i should make one too? i think that would be fun”
“don’t you dare” you groaned.
“then let’s date again”
“what?”
“are you deaf? i said let’s date again”
“what makes you think i’d actually do that?”
“well, we could lie to everyone that we tried to trick them into thinking that we hated each other to see how others will react” he shrugged, “think about it, it’ll save our image, plus you owe me”
“i owe you nothing”
“it’s because of you that we’re in this shitty situation!”
“you can just let it be and people will forget about it sooner or later, now let me go—“
he caught your wrist before you could leave.
“one week, one week of just pretending and then we’ll part our ways peacefully”
truth is, his idea didn’t ring so bad, but you were scared. you were scared you’d fall in love with him all over again.
“what is it, some fake dating love story? you can go fake date sunghoon and that’ll create a bigger scandal than this one” you shoved your hand and rolled your eyes while walking away.
a part of him just wanted to hold you back again in his arms, for real.
“hey jake!” sunghoon greeted him and jake gave him a weak smile.
“did you just talk with y/n? i thought you were angry with her?”
“i don’t know, sunghoon” he sighed, “i just want my old life back”
“yeah you kinda fucked up your life, hey why did you even break up with her in the first place?”
when sunghoon heard about your break up, he was the first to come up to jake and ask him about the reasons, only then he realized jake didn’t really want to speak about it at all.
but now jake felt ready, he felt like he needed someone to hear his side of the story, every coin has two sides right?
there they were, sitting in the field’s seats, looking at the empty space, it was just the two of them.
“when we first got together i was so happy, you already know how much i liked her that time, you even helped me planning all those dates” jake sighed.
“‘sunghoon how do you take someone on a date without telling them straightforward it’s a date?’ i remember you asking me those questions nonstop!” sunghoon laughed.
“yeah, i was on cloud nine, but,” jake paused, “i was scared to lose her, i was so scared to lose her to the point i became overly possessive and anxious when she was around other boys, i was so used to have a one time thing and i didn’t know how to keep relationships, it all became messed up, this whole relationship happened in the wrong time”
sunghoon pat his friend’s shoulder, feeling sad for him.
“each time i tried to fix it, it got worse and i didn’t know how to stop, so i just decided to break it off, it’s better to let her live her life than to stay selfish and keep her to myself” jake sighed yet again, emphasizing the disappointment he feels with himself.
“i actually wanted to say this for awhile, but deep down i know you’re insecure about yourself, and you tried to hide it by boosting your ego and lying to everyone about your true self” sunghoon chuckled, “you were some kind of an asshole before you started dating y/n, and even became more of an asshole after getting into a relationship, you should’ve just talked it out with y/n”
“well it’s too late now isn’t it? she made that very clear that she hates me by writing down that list” jake groaned.
“maybe you should just make one about her and ruin her chances to have any relationship in highschool as well” sunghoon shrugged but jake looked at him curiously.
“i was joking! don’t do that!”
“well? how are we feeling today?” yeji handed you your favorite snack to cheer your mood up.
“thinking about ways to kill yena, how about i poison her food?”
“how about you just talk it out with her?”
“not a chance! i can’t look at her face without fighting the urge to punch her”
“well it isn’t going to help you, is it?”
“no, but it’ll make me satisfied”
“maybe i should just accept his offer?” you murmured.
“offer? what offer?” yeji asked.
“promise me no matter what happens, you’ll never abandon me” you grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at you straight in your eyes.
“have you gone mad? i—“
“promise me!”
“okay, okay!” she laughed, “you’re acting like you’re planning to get back with jake”
your silence told her everything.
“don’t you dare—“
“i have the perfect plan! you know how yena always wanted jake, right?”
“doesn’t she have a boyfriend—“
“boyfriend my ass, she was all over jake all the time”
“continue please”
“she probably posted my list to make sure i’ll never date him again, so she could have her chance,” you raised a brow, “by dating him i could only piss her off, but maybe that’d actually get her to confess about it”
“and then what?”
“then HER reputation would be ruined forever, boyfriend? gone, cheerleading? gone, friends? gone!”
“y/n,” yeji held your hand, “you’re so smart i feel like a proud mom!” she wiped her fake tears away.
later then you searched for a specific person you knew you’d find in the field.
“so,” the person said, “you actually agree?”
“jake, don’t make it harder than it already is” you rolled your eyes, trying to keep up with your cool girl energy, but deep down you were so excited to be close to him again and to hold him in your embrace.
“have you heard? jake and y/n are back!!” as you were walking towards your classroom you heard mumbling from other students.
“i literally just now agreed to this stupid idea how-“
“you know how fast rumor spread here, it’s actually scary”
your thoughts kept running through your mind all the way to lunch break, which was the only time you could ever relax and—
“attention please!” oh no.
“yes, me and y/n are back! this whole list thing? it was just to check everyone’s reaction about it! it’s so smart isn’t it? my sweet baby thought about this idea, and we did figure some weird actions after this whole thing blew up” jake dragged you right next to him and stared right into your eyes, “you’ll never break us apart”
cheers and claps were heard all over the hall and the only thing you thought about now is how to run away.
“congratulations! i was so scared it was real, was just now about to pay (student’s name) a hundred bucks, who lost the bet now huh loser?” one of the students came up to you with a wide smile.
you awkwardly smiled back as you set her off.
“did you really have to do that?” you glared at him.
“i did, see? now no one’s talking about it again” he shrugged.
“everyone stopped talking about it a day after! you’re just too busy thinking about yourself to notice your surroundings” you rolled your eyes.
“you agreed to do that, so be my guest, you knew there will be consequences”
“you’re the worst!”
“you don’t mean that”
you just rolled your eyes in return and stormed off.
“hey my sweet darling, how’s your day?”
“jake, we’re out of school, drop the acting”
you failed to notice his smile dropping.
“can’t i just be curious about your day?”
“jake, it’s weird, it’s been a while since we last talked or had a normal conversation, don’t act like nothing happened”
“what do you mean?”
“see you always does that! even when we were in a relationship! you fail to understand how badly you always hurt me and proceeded to just move on so fast, always running away from your problems���
he stopped his tracks as you continued walking away, this left a huge impact on him.
the next day you were back to acting, according to you, to jake it seemed very real.
you were sitting on one of the benches, casually talking with sunghoon about whatever.
jake seemed to notice every small detail about you.
the way you smile when he’s complimenting you, the way you crack at any of his jokes, even those who weren’t so funny.
you never laughed at his jokes.
“hey, can i steal my girlfriend?” jake sounded calm but his whole face screamed anger.
sunghoon, his best friend who had already recognized that face, slowly got up and smiled, “she’s all yours”
“hey, what was that?” you scoffed.
“you were being too close to him”
you rolled your eyes, “i can’t believe we’re back at it again”
“again?”
“yes, again! jake, get it right into your mind, we are not together! we’re just putting a small show for everyone’s entertainment and that’s it, it’s all about saving your ass here as well” you sounded really pissed off.
jake was taken a back for a few seconds but got right back to his senses, “oh”
“yes, oh! we’ll act like a couple when we’ll really need it” and with that you walked away.
“so,” you heard a devilish voice haunting you from behind as you were taking books out of your locker, “you and jake?”
“oh hey yena!” you smiled, “fancy seeing you here”
“answer my question” she furiously said.
“why are you curious? dropped your boyfriend because you thought you’d get a chance with him?” you smirked.
“oh! here’s my boyfriend!” you called jake who seemed to be very deep in thought.
he looked straight into your eye but decided to just walk away and ignore you completely.
“what the hell…” you cursed under your breath.
“boyfriend, huh?” yena was the one who’s smirking now, “well have fun!”
“what the hell was your problem back then?” you let yourself yell at him as you were out of school and on your way home.
“oh, i thought that we need to act like a couple when we really need it—“
“don’t play dumb right now!”
“i don’t get you y/n seriously! you’re always saying something but mean the exact opposite, what do you want, really?” he returned the attitude.
“what?”
“if you’re that suffering you should just go to sunghoon!”
“again with the sunghoon scandal—“
“yes, again with him! how come you never laughed at my jokes? how come you never smiled at any compliment i’ve given you? why did you always push me away when i tried to get closer?” the heated conversation turned into a quiet one, his tone made it very clear to you that he was hurting.
“w-what…” you whispered.
“you just don’t get it do you?” he chuckled, “my reason to being this jealous”
you stopped to think, all this time, all those arguments, he didn’t mean any bad at all.
“have you tried thinking about those beautiful moments we had? those were the most precious moments that ever happened in my entire life” you voice came quiet, “it was my first relationship ever, my first love, my first everything, i didn’t know how i should react, or what i should do in order to keep you to myself”
his glossy eyes were looking at you.
“you were so not used to doing ‘first time’ things that you failed to notice every little thing that i tried to do to keep us together, have you ever thought about that?” you preached, “i loved you, maybe i still do, but that won’t change anything, will it? it just doesn’t matter anymore”
he tried moving closer to you but stopped, “i-i’m sorry…”
“just go” you wiped the tears that were already streaming down your face.
both of you were hurting, but you didn’t know how to fix it all, it’s so stupid really, you think you’ve grown up to be a better person, but somehow communication puts on a wall that stops it all.
“have you heard? i think y/n and jake are over now, for real!”
“how the fuck did i became the hot topic again? and how come everyone knows about what happened yesterday?” you asked yeji.
“rumors, they spread so fast here” she shrugged and you rolled your eyes.
you watched jake pass you, you took the time to focus on his face.
his eyes seem so tried, puffy and hurt…. you thought.
“well someone had a rough day yesterday” yeji commented and you nodded slowly, still lost in thoughts.
“hey, can you let teacher know i have a meeting with coach today?”
“hm? but you don’t have any—“ “thank you!” you ran off quickly before she could ask any more questions.
“psst! sunghoon!” you whispered as you watched him getting ready for class.
“oh? y/n!” he smiled widely.
“come with me!” you grabbed his hand and dragged him outside the school building all the way to the back.
“y/n can we do this other time? class starts soon and—“
“shh!!” you put your finger over his lips and kneeled down with him, hiding from any teacher or student.
“i need you to help me” you gave him puppy eyes.
“yes of course, what happened?” he instantly asked.
“i’m gonna guess that you’re already aware of what happened yesterday”
“yeah, whatever that was i’d rather forget hearing about this”
“focus! i need you to help me figure out this!”
“what do you mean by ‘this’?”
“i mean everything! you’re his best friend, i’m sure you know about our whole relationship status, i-i just need to know why he broke up with me in the first place” you sighed.
“y/n, you’re not going to like what you’ll be hearing, are you sure you want that?” he genuinely asked.
you looked down to the ground and sighed, “yes, tell me everything please”
maybe asking him not to drop any detail was a mistake, because now after he told you everything and left you alone to get some time to think, you can’t help it but overthink about any step that you did.
“that only shows how bad you were for each other” sunghoon’s last words sent shivers down your spine, maybe he’s right.
“miscommunication sucks!” you laid back on the wall next to you, was this whole relationship a big mistake?
it did nothing but to hurt the both of you.
“there you are!” yeji sounded out of breath.
“so, jake might’ve gotten himself into a tiny fight and—“
“what? where!”
“it was right outside of our classroom but—“
before she could even finish her sentence you ran all the way back to your classroom and she after you.
“there’s no one here” you frowned, “you did this on purpose!”
“i tried to tell you he’s already in the nursery!” she yelled after trying to catch her breath.
“fill me up with information please” you asked quietly.
“you asshole!” as soon as you stepped into the nursery and saw jake laying down on one of the beds, a few tears came down your face.
“y/n! be careful he’s still recovering!” the nurse warned you from causing any more harm.
jake slowly opened his eyes and you scoffed, “fight? really? because of me?” you looked at him in disbelief.
he stayed silent, as if he knew what he did was wrong.
“you have nothing to say?”
“he called you a whore who likes to play with any boy that comes around, what did you expect me to do?” he sounded defensive.
“oh, i don’t know, maybe try to insult him with words and not physically! you got yourself into trouble now because of me” you complained.
“it was worth it” he smirked.
“jake, i’m being serious right now, you can’t act like we’re a couple when we’re absolutely not” as soon as you said this the nurse got the clue and went out of the room.
“that is exactly the problem!” he shout, “i can’t pass another day without you being by my side, you drive me crazy only by looking at me, and hell, i cannot look at any other man flirting with you without fighting the urge to punch him!”
“jake…” you whispered.
“i still love you, don’t you get it?…..i feel like i just can’t continue my day without holding you in my arms….” he held your hand.
you wiped the tears that continued to stream down your face, “you’re probably still suffering from concussion after the fight, i’ll go speak to the nurse”
you let go of his hold and walked out of the room.
a lot of thoughts were haunting your brain, how you wished things would be as simple as they sound.
he confessed to you and you love him, what’s stopping you from running into his arms?
“you’re just scared of giving whatever this was a second chance” yeji said as she took a bite of her food.
“whatever this was, it was toxic, i don’t want that to happen again” you sighed.
“yeah, it was pretty shitty to watch from the side, but i think he genuinely mean it this time” she took another bite from her food.
“how do you know that?”
“i mean really, ever since that list was posted he was around you 24/7, probably looking for excuses to be with you, that whole ‘oh we were just joking, we’re still dating’ thing was a dumb excuse for him to be next to you more, any nine years old can tell you that”
“you don’t have to be that harsh” you scoffed.
“i’m telling the truth babe, as much as i hated his guts, and still do, i think he was genuine about his feelings this time, and by the way you told me everything that happened, i think he really wants to fix it and try all over again” she shrugged.
“i….i don’t know what to say”
“just go and tell him yes already” she rolled her eyes and you nodded.
it’s time to fix your broken relationship.
you walked—ran back to the nursery only to find it empty.
“um…do you know where’s—“ “i saw him going to the field” the nurse answered before you could ask.
“thank you!” you smiled and walked excitedly to the field.
“i did it” you heard a familiar voice, “i posted that list”
before you could see who’s talking, you quickly hid behind a side wall.
“what?” you’re 100% certain this is jake’s voice, but who is he talking to?
“i thought this would finally break whatever you had going with her, i mean, you always had heart eyes for her even after your break up, it was making me sick”
“still, how could you do this to me?” jake sounded betrayed and…hurt.
“you had to move on, seriously, it was becoming unhealthy, i didn’t think it’d only bring you closer, it was such a mistake”
“please stop…”
“when you broke up i thought i’d finally have chance with her, but she was actually always looking your way, not even batting an eye at me”
“sunghoon just stop! i can’t believe my best friend would do this”
was it sunghoon this whole time?
“so it was you?” your thoughts voiced out.
“y-y/n?” you saw jake and sunghoon standing right in front of the other, sunghoon wore a shocked expression while jake just stood there looking completely hurt.
“what kind of an idiot would call himself a best friend? and to think you did all of that for what? to hurt not only him but me as well” you tched, “you’re nothing but an egoistic asshole”
“please just—“
“just go the fuck away! you did nothing but to hurt people, you’re disgusting me” you tried to shoo him but he didn’t budge.
“not going? okay then” you grabbed jake’s hand and walked away, not before shooting him an angry glare.
after a few minutes of walking you sat him down on one of the benches.
“you okay?” that was the first thing you asked.
“yeah, not like my best friend tried to sabotage me or anything” he chuckled.
“i’m sorry for that” you placed your hand on his shoulder, pressing it lightly, “he does not deserve to be called your best friend though”
he looked up to you and his eyes were filled with tears. you wiped the tears away and smiled at him.
“i don’t know if it’s going to help, but i didn’t feel anything for him, and never will”
he chuckled and sniffled, “i always trusted you, but i couldn’t find myself to trust him, i guess now i know why”
you rolled your eyes, “yeah, yeah you were right, i was wrong”
he gave you his infamous smile and the butterflies you felt never felt this good, “thank you” he said.
“for what?”
“for being there for me, and even if you don’t want to fix things right now, i think we might be—“
you shut him down by kissing his lips, he was shocked at first but quickly caught up, caging you in his arms and holding you tightly.
as you broke the kiss you smiled, “i do want to fix things, i want that more than anything”
“do you mean it? aren’t you afraid?”
“as long as i’m with you i have nothing to fear” you smiled.
“ugh! you’re back again? i can’t keep up with this anymore!” you heard an annoying voice.
“hey yena? fuck off” you flipped her off and she stormed away.
“since when did you become so confident?”
“ever since i realized i want to cherish and hold the most precious thing to me forever”
“i love you” he held your hand and kissed it, “i love you too” you replied with a quick peck on his lips.
“aww lovebirds, get back in class now the day’s not over yet!”
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