#Good for the kind of obsessive I am over Things
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3. "The Cutest pair"
Cheerleader!Megan x Loser Band member! Reader
A/N - Lowk "the cutest pair" by Regina song vibes but not exactly.
Wednesday comes fast, One moment you're hanging out at Megan's house, The other you're suddenly at a cheer practice which you never saw yourself at till you reconciled with Megan. You're sitting on the bleachers, Megan’s letterman laid over your shoulders as you scroll on your phone. It feels performative, While on one hand for years and years you only pined for her. But now that you have her, Kind of, it's conflicting. It's not real, But damn do you wish it was. You hope part of her, wishes it’s real too.
“Hey” Megan yells from the grassy field, Giving you her signature puppy eyed smile. It melts a cold spot of resentment in your heart. “Come down, we are gonna go get food.” She blows you a kiss, Her friends giggle at her antics as they collect their things. You race down the steps into her wide open arms. Her scent lingering with her perfume and now combined with sweat.
“Hi, Megs” You kiss her sweaty cheek. “Gross your all sweaty, Go change.”
“What? you don't like it?” She rubs her arms on you, Her friends whisper from the side, glancing between the two of you.
“What so you two are like, Actually dating?” Her friend Anya waves her finger around, gesturing at you.
“I thought I told you I was seeing Yn?” Megan slips her arms off your shoulders, Looking confused.
“I thought that it was just for us to stop setting you up with Greg. He really likes you,” Another one, whose name you don't know, comments.
“Just because Greg is Quinn’s brother doesn't mean I'm going to like him. He's clapped if anything, and not my type.” Megan sighs, rubbing her forehead in distress.
“Plus I am very happy with my current situation right now.” she wraps an arm around your waist to pull you into a side hug.
“I'm gonna head home, i'll talk to you guys later” She collects the last of her things and shoves them into her duffle bag, You follow behind her closely. As you pass her “So-Called” friends, you glare at them on your way out.
“Your strong for that, you know?” You bump shoulders with her while walking to your car, she leans against the hood.
“You wanna come over to mine or just go to your house?” You grasp her hand into yours, rubbing your thumb in between the ridge between her forefinger and thumb, Trying to soothe some of her nerves.
“I dont wanna go home just yet,” She looks down at her feet, her bags next to her shoes.
“So?” You question the meaning behind that.
“Honestly just wanna be somewhere with you,”
“Oh,” She fidgets with her fingers,
“Unless you have somewhere to be tonight, Totally fine if you do.” She gives you a grin to hide some of the hurt from this afternoon.
“I don't,” You pause. Thinking about things to do, for just the two of you. “Why don't we go to my house, Pick up some food and go for a picnic tonight?”
“Really?” The thought of being alone with her, at the park, on a blanket, Just looking at the stars. It doesn't frighten you somehow. As much as it seemed like dating her would be a dream when you had a crush on her, its not as scary as you made it out to be previously. You two hop in the car and head off to your house,
“You wanna make a pit stop at the grocery store for some snacks?” You grip the wheel with one hand, The other holding hers. She nods,
“I wanna get some Fox’s Jam’n cream, They are so good.” You chuckle at her, "I've been so obsessed with them recently"
“Well let's not get too excited, This grocery store is kinda limited at times.” You pull into the store parking lot.
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“Ohhh! I used to eat these all the time after school as a kid” You pull out one of your favourite snacks, A packet of seaweed rice crackers (A/N Yes those are actually my favourites)
“I remember, You would never share with me.” She snickers, Remembering the times as kids you two shared. “I used to get so mad cause i shared my snacks with you”
“Fair enough, Kid me was kind of a bitch.”
“Kind of? Understatement” Megan coughs out the other half of her sentence. You shove her shoulder, giggling.
“Your laughs really pretty” She blurts out. When she realises what she says her face turns red.
“Thanks, Meg.” Your face feels hot when her words settle in your brain.
She thinks your laugh is pretty.
Your laugh is pretty.
Is pretty.
Pretty.
You two silently shove more snacks into the cart, adding in some drinks along the way. The silence isn't uncomfortable, Like it used to be. But usually before she would fill the gaps in conversation with funny thoughts that pop in her mind. It's more relaxed, one could say that the two of you look like you’ve been dating for years. The silence is warm and it smells of citrus and vanilla.
(A/n if your perfume is vanilla scented just pretend that its whatever your scent is)
#grah speaks#katseye x reader#katseye imagines#katseye fluff#katseye#katseye megan x reader#megan skiendiel x reader#katseye megan skiendiel#megan skiendiel#katseye megan#katseye megan skiendiel x reader#grahstumhurts#rekindling 🔥❤️#Spotify
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That is so nice of you honestly, i think the the ask was how a yan alucard would take advantage of his position of power in the village post season 4, and if he and the people(the villages people, the orphans, sypha and Trevor) around him would pressure his fem love interest/obsession into being with him because of all he has done for them making it very difficult to reject his advances with out becoming a social outcast .Like I can imagine a darker version of him proposing to his Darling in a public space surrounded by the aforementioned people and villagers for that very reason. And side note do you think he would turn his Darling so they could be together for ever?
A/N: Yes, oh my gosh, yes! A Yandere! Alucard would 100% use his position of power over her to gently “guide” her into falling for him. And I do think, that yes, a Yandere! Alucard would eventually try to turn his Darling. I like to think that it might take some extra dark magic, as he is not a full vampire, but that he goes down that path willingly for her (regardless of how she feels about it) because once he falls, he falls hard, and he cannot imagine living without her.
TW: Toxic/Manualpative Relationship, and Brief Mentions of Sex and Pregnancy
Yandere! Village Leader Alucard Headcanons:
A Yandere! Village Leader Alucard who always insists on “helping” his Darling, and whatever group she happens to be in. ‘Ah, you’re on kitchen duty today. Well it's a good thing that my Mother taught me to cook.’ & ‘Barn raising? Surely your tiny frame is no match for such a strenuous job. Here, allow me.’
You don’t like feeling helpless, but you couldn’t say ‘no’. That would be such a rude thing to deny the very Savior of your people.
A Yandere! Village Leader Alucard, who is always so kind, and attentive. One who chooses to spend most of the free time he has at gatherings putting the spotlight on his Darling so that he may listen to her speak. ‘Hmm, what an interesting Speaker tradition, Sypha. Tell me, (Y/N), what sort of traditions remind you of home?’
You’re running out of things to share with him, it seems everything you could say about yourself he seems to already know.
A Yandere! Village Leader Alucard who memorizes every little detail his Darling shares, and uses it to his advantage, all the while pretending such occurrences are mere coincidence. ‘I found these flowers blooming on the other side of the castle and I thought of you. Truly? How lucky, I had no idea these were your favorite flowers.’ & ‘Hmm, now that you mention it, I believe Mother had an old dress in that color. Why don’t you wait here while I go and fetch it for you?’
The dress fits perfectly, huh. How odd that you and Alucard’s mother must have been the same size.
A Yandere! Village Leader Alucard who “lets it slip” in conversation with Trevor and Sypha just how madly in love he is with his Darling, prompting his married friends to conspire together, coming up with ways to make you see Alucard’s love. ‘I can only hope she shares the same affection, although I must admit, I am unsure of how to tell her of my feelings.’ ‘& ‘Do you mean to say you’ll help me win her devotion?’
Did Sypha always talk up Alucard like that? Trevor sure keeps talking an awful lot about being married, even for a newlywed.
A Yandere! Village Leader Alucard who always speaks your praises to the children, about how smart, loving, and fun you are so that when they call on him to play games, they’re always scheming to get you to play as well. ‘I must admit I’ve pondered over whether I have the ability to have my own.’ & ‘Don’t believe I haven’t seen the way you light up when the children call you Mother.’
Wait? Don’t they also call Alucard, Father?
A Yandere! Village Leader Alucard who insists on caring for you by himself, anytime you become the least bit injured or ill. He insists you stay within the walls of the castle for the time being, as opposed to in your cottage with your family outside. ‘I know the castle can feel overwhelming at times, but please, try to think of it as a mere extension of your home.’ & ‘I do wish you’d let me take better care of you, Darling. You’re too important of a person around here to be laid out sick so often.’
You didn't used to fall ill so often. What the hell is happening to you?!
A Yandere! Village Leader Alucard who makes a very public display of asking for your hand, one evening during a solstice festival. All eyes are on you as you smile, and you a faint chorus of applause as you accept the dhampir’s proposal. ‘It would be my utmost honor to marry you, my Darling.’ & ‘You are making me the happiest man alive.’
Not as if you could say no with all the other villagers and your family watching. They want this for you too, so, this marriage must be a good idea, right?
A Yandere! Village Leader Alucard who arranges for you to be wed as soon as possible. One of the castle’s largest halls is transformed into a makeshift chapel as Sypha performs the wedding rites. Greta acts as your Maiden of Honor, while Alucard slots Trevor in as his Best Man. All of the villagers- your family included- are there to watch the ceremony, with laughter and joyful tears in their eyes. ‘I know it’s not a church wedding, Darling. But you understand, I doubt we’d find a Priest anywhere willing to marry the son of Dracula.’
You look like royalty in the dress Alucard provided you, so you try to ignore how the cuffs of your dress’s bishop sleeves feel like weighted shackles upon your wrists.
A Yandere! Village Leader Alucard who promises you can’t get pregnant the first time you have sex. He’d know of course, silly! His Mother was a Doctor after all. Just let him love you… No, let him worship you, mind, body, and soul. ‘Besides, I’m quite certain dhampirs are sterile. It would take a miracle for us to make a child together.’ & ‘Even if it were to happen, it’s not the end of the world, is it? We are wedded after all.’
If that’s not a goal, why does he insist on always flipping you over so that he can watch your expression as he finishes inside you?
A Yandere! Village Leader Alucard who swears you will make incredible parents, and he could not be happier to have a large family with you. You have so much knowledge and wisdom to impart, creating this legacy with him is a great act of service for the world. And Alucard promises, as soon as you’re done having his children, maybe two or three, he’ll change you into a vampire so that you can enjoy the fruits of your labor at his side- forever. ‘Just imagine it, Darling. Neither one of us will be lonely ever again.’ & ‘We’ll be each other’s soulmate for all eternity.’
Surely, eternity isn’t all that long.
Right?
A/N: I hope you liked it! I was trying a different style/format here, so I apologize if it isn't what you expected. My mom’s having surgery this week, so I didn’t get as much writing/editing time as expected.
Please Like, Leave and Comment, and REBLOG if you enjoyed it!
Like My Work? Wanna See More? Tip Me on Kofi! <3
#adrian tepes x reader#alucard castlevania#alucard x reader#yandere alucard x reader#yandere alucard#castlevania x reader#castlevania alucard#alucard#adrian tepes#castlevania#hc#yandere#tw: yandere
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Hi, Ghoul. Apologies for kinda venting (?) on your asks, and please ignore this if you'd like, but how does one cope with the idea (and, quite possibly, reality) of being alone for the rest of their life?
I've never been the most confident individual in my years of being alive. I'm not conventionally attractive, and I've been battling with my perception of self for like, basically my entire life. Never really had romantic relationships, other than unrequited and secret crushes. At first, I thought to myself that I could deal with being alone and unloved in that way, but I figured as I grew older that maybe I'm just trying to be tough about it. I want to have the kind of love that other people have, envious as I may sound. I want to be able to look at myself and think, "wow, despite my flaws, someone still took the risk to get to know me and chose to stay."
Of course, this is not to say that the love my tight-knit circle of friends and family aren't adequate. I'm just curious. And hopeful that someday I get to have that other kind of love.
That said, I really love your works and I am privileged to be able to read them :)) it's always such a delight to see your rambles and reblogs in my dash. <3 Hope everything is going well for you.
Hello my love. You already know I'm going to suggest therapy so I'm going to get that out of the way early.
Here's the meat of it. There are thousands upon millions of people who feel exactly the same way you do and I truly believe this is because of the way western society has structured its media/propaganda. So much of the media we consume is loaded with this idea that romantic love is this totally different thing that will complete your life and show you how worthy you are if only you can find it.
This is a load of horse shit.
One of the unhappiest times of my life was spent in my first relationship. I actually had a harder time loving myself because I was scrambling to prove I was worth being loved by a person who liked me in theory but in practice frequently flaked on dates and didn't care about my emotional wellbeing.
I say all of that because I had your same attitude of "despite my flaws they're choosing to stay with me" and ultimately she left me. Over text. It was a whole thing.
So many of you talk about being "old" and "destined to be alone" and you're like 25. Hell even if you're 50, people find love at any age, but the only way to find anyone good is to be comfortable with the fact that romantic love isn't the end all be all of love. You can fall in love with anyone, that doesn't make it a good relationship. It just means you're in love.
Also what do you mean "someone took the risk?" Are you a serial killer? Do you set fire to police cars? You sell meth? What risk do you pose to anyone? You're sad and have low self esteem. So what? That makes you a risky prospect? Your flaws of *checks notes* talking down about yourself is such a huge hurdle that it's a grave danger to anyone that wants to date you?
And I'm sorry I feel like I'm getting sort of mean but you got me in older sibling mode with this and so you're getting big sister shit.
I just- like if you truly believe that you are such a burden to date then you aren't going to get what you want out of a relationship. You'll become obsessed with the first person that reciprocates your affections and it will spiral into something that hurts you. I am speaking from experience.
My dear, i am a stranger on the internet, and I love you. This world is cruel towards tender hearts and disappointment hides in every corner, but we keep loving the world and the people in it anyway. Love finds us when we least expect it, and if you truly want that sort of love it will come to you.
But I need you to be kinder to yourself. I know you said you struggle with self image. Stop measuring yourself against other people. Stop setting up goal posts for your life. Stop thinking your flaws make you some undateable ghoul. They make you, you, and whoever you date will love you for them not in spite of them.
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I hardly make fan art but ohhhh Bucky... Bucky my friend......
Part of a series I lovingly called Barrel Beavers. How kind of The Horrors to abide by safety rules :-)!!
#Fan Art#Shipwrecked 64#Shipwrecked 64 Spoilers#Illustration#Bucky Beaver#Giovanni Goose#Kind Of!! I'm not terribly far into the story to know what is and isn't !!#Fan Art fully based on the Frankenbug stream series because they are mad (positive) and really digging into the game#Good for the kind of obsessive I am over Things#So gently (rapidly actually) rotating it in my mind
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of ����📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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i cannot stand the aot fandom this is not a new take at all they are universally intolerable but oh my dayssss u are FORBIDDEN from making ANY take about the show it's actually insane to watch. 'aot is perfect' no show is perfect. 'tell me you didnt get the show 😂🫵' people have different opinions/interpretations about things. 'eren is a good guy they could never make me hate him' i think there's actually 4 seasons and two movies explicitely using him as a tool to show that no one is 'good' or 'evil' they are only trying to survive. hello. the fandom r all so far up aot's ass that they actually discredit its writing in the process and it would be laughable if it wasn't so frustrating
#bc aot IS insanely well written but no one talks about it???#like all they do is SAY how well written it is but no one is brave enough to give examples or meta bc SOMEONE will jump on it#declaring they've misinterpreted the Single Correct Way of watching the show and are dumb and a hater for saying such a thing#i remember posting about my initial aot watch on here and i did NOT like eren i thought he was whiney and annoying (he is <3)#and i thought aot was overhyped but ive since finished it at long last and omg. it is so fucking good#one of those shows that you need to watch ALL of it to truly get what's going on#and the conclusion of eren's character i am genuinely so obsessed with ill probs make a separate post just about him#bc i have really 180'd on eren and i can see now he IS well written. but not for any reason i can see anyone else talking about???#people are just banging on about he was right and justified and a saviour and tragic etc etc and while those things are important#and should be considered that also like. was not the point imo#the irony and tragedy of eren jaeger was that after all the 'i am special simply bc i was born into this world'#concluded with the revelation that actually he was not special. the rumbling happened because a normal boy got a hold of a great power#and he mishandled it. he was immature. he acted his age. he was just some teenage boy and he responded in kind#there was selfishness and silly whims and a quick temper. he was never this godlike figure he gets painted as#and i ADORE THAT TAKE. THAT IS SUCH AN ICE COLD CONCLUSION. EREN WAS NEVER SPECIAL - THAT'S THE POINT#and like countless times through history one selfish person with their hands on an insane amount of power and a conviction#that they are doing the right thing goes on to lead to a continuation of the cycle of war#like the end credits with the tree is genuinely HAUNTING. it never ended. eren KNEW the rumbling would be unnsuccessful#and would leave enough of their enemies alive that they'd eventually retaliate HE KNEW THAT and did it anyway#why? bc he just /wanted/ it. desperately and immaturely. and so the war turned over for another generation and another and#LIKE THAT IS SUCH A POIGNANT HAUNTING TAKE. I FR STARED AT THE BLACK SCREEN ONCE I FINISHED IT FOR 5 MINS IN HORRIFIED SILENCE#yes it's not his sole motivation but ultimately the crux of his character boils down to the fact he's just some kid#to the point even when he's explaining it to armin at the very end they SHOW HIM AS A KID. THAT IS THE REAL EREN#THAT ANGRY SCRAPPY CHILD WHO THOUGHT HE COULD BEAT THE WORLD INTO SUBMISSION#NOT A HERO NOT A GOD NOT A DEVIL - JUST A KID GIVEN A POWER HE NEVER SHOULD HAVE GOT HIS HANDS ON#but if u say all that some chucklefuck tells u to kys and that u just Didnt Get The Masterpiece Of Attack On Titan#but do u know what? maybe people disagree w me! maybe this is just my interpretation! guess who's NOT gonna have a hissy fit about it?#fandom is about DISCUSSION and i have never seen a fandom as fucking allergic to it than the aot fandom#like omdddddddddd have a day off man isayama isnt gonna suck you off#aot
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I'm so not normal about nursery songs like You Are My Sunshine... we are singing our loved ones (babies and young especially) that they are the sun in our hearts, that they warm us with their very presence and that they are so, so dear and loved. How could you hate humanity when we have this unadulterated love for each other?
#positivity#that's why i changed my header to what it is now#entering my hopepilled era (i am still compulsively online about it though)#do other countries have songs like the english you are my sunshine? i am SURE they're out there#but each time i look for songs with the same themes as you are my sunshine it's just equivalent translations of the phrase#anyway... i know i post a lot of hopeful/positive stuff because we need it#the club is bumping. the ladies look good. the alcohol is flowing. there is much pain in the world but not in this room.#(also the context for that quote is the raver was ranting about how osama bin laden looks like a dick so FUCK that guy)#(note that the raver kid said FUCK osama because he looks like a dick. i am not supporting osama bin laden)#please for your own sake... find one small but beautiful thing and become OBSESSED with how beautiful and meaningful it is to you#if you are from another country and have a sweet or kind little poem/song akin to the song i mention: PLEASE SHARE IT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#please allow me the kindness of breaking my heart over how beautiful this world is because i cannot handle just how beautiful we are
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y was gen so unfazed when he woke up from the stone. naked and staring down a cliff, nonetheless. what kinda prank shows were u a part of that this isn't out of the realm of possibility
#i know it's kind of running gag that no one (except joel) reacted normally to waking up from petrification lol but#but gen?#TBF he got a bit... idk flanderized? as the manga wrnt on#reduced to over the top reactions for quite a while#so maybe explains it lol#since im already ranting; the more chibified art style is cute and all but i miss the early style...#maybe it was just a bit too detailed for a weekly manga so i get it. but i liked it better...#am i mostly saying this because gen looked way cooler in the beginning? yeah morw or less lol#i love the softer cuter gen too but the more edgy look was so good...#me when i get obsessed with something: criticizes everything about it for hours and then says i love it tho. lots of potential#i really could go on for hours about all the things that bother me#but like. i can only do that because i care enough yknow??#asagiri gen#gen asagiri#dr stone
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falling terrible victim to shitty phone games… this has dangerous effects for my week
#gross rant ramble below do NOT perceive me i want no pity i just want to complain#i am in such dgaf mode#which is not good bc finals are approaching#but i’ve got a strong undercurrent of misery and it’s overtaking me#dunno if it’s post election or seasonal or some third thing depression#but depression is back in full violent swing#and i haven’t been fully healthy in like a month#it’s that kind of feeling when you take a really long shower and still feel gross after#i know this bc i just tried to take a self care shower and now i feel sick and miserable and cold but also overwhelmed by product scents#i can’t even look forward to thanksgiving break bc i’m going home#which means: mother.#annoying extended family constantly reminding me i won’t get my top surgery#asking me how i feel abt that#dealing w overbearing grandmothers and their southern obsession with piling food on my plate#it’s not a break is what i’m getting at#i was so optimistic abt this winter too like i had plans for staying on top of my depression#then stupid trump came and shat all over that#ok rant over my head hurts#back to color sort#off my rocker
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morgchie is such a severe mismatch of freak and it makes me feel so bad for morgan bc 😭 i mean she also thinks so but not in the way that it actually is! bc HER perspective on things Pre Literally Everything From The Moment He Showed Up At The Hospital With Sam Onward was like “damn. richie is so normal. cool of him to put up with me but why the hell is he doing that” and it’s like babygirl. you are a teenager w severe childhood trauma that left you feeling fundamentally shut off from your peers who likes holing up in ur room drawing silly little horror characters. that man is ghostface and he’s evil. YOU are not the worse off one in this r/s 😭
#like you know a lil too much abt fnaf and got samara morgan/slenderman/bughuul/ghostface painted on ur bedroom wall#sure.#but he is planning a massacre he got NO kinda room to think YOURE weird 😭#you have to understand that morgan’s metric of normal is like#can socialize w others and enjoys doing so. has a visible emotional range. generally seems to be having a Good Time#has not had their brain chemistry irreparably altered in a way that makes them feel alien around other ppl#so basically. the inverse of what she has going on 😭#so ofc she thinks he’s normal 😭#sure he may be a grown man obsessed w stab who is dating a high schooler#(well two. but she didnt know him n amber were a thing until WAAAAAY later 😭)#but he’s expressive + can talk to ppl & hold down a job + does not seem apathetic abt whether he lives to see tomorrow 😭#and comes from a seemingly stable bg off what she knows abt it which is. not an insane amount but enough to know it was Not like hers!#so shed say he’s still significantly better off than her 😭#id say babygirl were gonna get u some better self esteem but this like. isnt even#a thing she beats herself up over. to her its just kind of a fact#water is wet. the sky is blue. richie’s gotta have other options better than a very troubled 17 yr old n she dk why he isnt pursuing Them#thing is he sorta kinda doesnt?? given his track reco-*i am SHOT*#— ♡ 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘰𝘮 (𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭) // morgan fox.#— ➴ 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳. // morgchie.#— slasherverse posting.
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The cool thing about a horror movie that takes place in a mental hospital and, shockingly, actually turns out to be on the side of mentally ill people is that it avoids all the common disgusting pitfalls of mocking, demonizing, and infantilizing mentally ill people.
The downside is
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
[It's much scarier.]
#original#smile movie#smile 2022#I'm literally two scenes in#it could definitely become ableist by the end of the movie but I'm kind of obsessed so far?#like nothing is scarier to me than the lack of quality help and validation available to victims of trauma! and this movie is LEANING INTO IT#which is way scarier and also way truer and more important to talk about than a looney bin filled with lunatics who want to murder you#like that's literally a concept based solely on people's ableist fears.#same with horror movie monsters that are just people with facial deformities or congenital disorders or just... people who are poor#(the hillbilly cannibal trope is just MAN POOR PEOPLE ARE SCARY HUH. it's garbage.)#what's ACTUALLY a horror is the way these people are treated! and that INCLUDES how they are portrayed in media!#because guess what? ghosts aren't real and an abandoned mental hospital can't hurt you#but you know what can? a doctor who doesn't believe you. a system built on neglect. THAT'S the horror we need to talk about.#and THAT is why I am going to have to watch this movie in short installments over a few days#and let me be clear: i am alive today bc of a mental hospital's IOP/PHP program. i stopped being suicidal after YEARS bc of that program#mental hospitals CAN and SHOULD be GOOD THINGS ACTUALLY. but in countries with shitty healthcare that's very hard to find.#it is also why it is my life's work to build a treatment center that PROVES we can do this ethically and with compassion#life is worth living#and the American Healthcare industry can die just the same as any other giant or dragon. empires have fallen before. it is not immortal.#YOU reading this matter. stay safe. please. it isn't the end yet. i love you.
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like theres a lot of you nnow
#i dont really check my follower count often since i dont visit the actual 'activity' page much#and i dont think theres any other spot to view the total count? so it doesnt catch my eye often#i dont think i like to obsess over numbers. especially online#but ive more or less starting drawing again since last year january#and posting it too#sdjfsn thanks to the encouragement of both new and old friends mksfds#and the support and help ive gotten through it all has been insane#and im really happy i could manage to make a habit of it (drawing and posting). i genuinely love drawing. regardless of how good i am at it#ive always sucked ass at sharing my stuff with others though#mainly due to anxiety#even now whenever i post something i always close tumblr immediately cuz i dont wanna see other people interact with it mkss#and like. the amount of support and kind words ive seen is genuinely overwhelming#and i dont really know what to say other than like. thank you all for helping me. and being kind#its like. more clear than ever that i like sharing things with others. regardless of its reception#if one person is happy with the result (and that person can be me) then i dont mind the outcome. ive never had anything to worry about#so like. i hope i can repay your kindness through whatever i choose to create. because i dont think i wanna stop again#diary
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spectragus dont get enough credit for being a sun and moon ship but like. destructive sun and moon ship. sun and moon ship but they're the forces of nature the sun and moon actually are. the sun is harsh and relentless and unpredictable in its evil but also it's kindness, the moon is sharp and cold and cruel, a harsh light that doesn't allow you peace, but can also guide you, a light in the darkness. even on nights with a new moon, with no light in the sky, the moon is always reflecting the sun, and it'll be that way until they come to their end.
#spectragus give me a dopamine high that any sort of drug couldn't even come close to giving me#its the loyalty. its the seeing each other at their worst and still staying.#its the being the only person still around who knows and understands what youve been through#its the being so important to each other's characters that u cant mention one without recognising the impact the other has on them#i dont rlly do shipping unless its funny but also im a huge gus fan so like. yea. plus my view on romance is a bit all over the place anyway#something something my skrunkles deserve complicated relationships that are more than romantic but something else#its the trust thats the most important thing to me. trust and loyalty and devotion and#im sorry but i would have exploded if i like. didn't write down these thoughts#anyways fucked up gay people who are a package deal and that is a threat thats them#ik the majority of my posts are hee hee funnie and i usually dont take things too seriously#but these two have taken up part of my brain permanently since i was 8. like. they just live there. rent free.#i am like rabid rn. i am feral and i am insane and i am crazy and there are so many things wrong with me#i cant even write down all my fuckin thoughts there's so many my brain is going to Explode pray for me#idk if u understand how important it is to me the times they show kindness even while at their worst#they're not good people but they have people they care about and they care abt each other and that matters SO much#i take 0 criticism on my posts i only take cash. however there is no possible criticism to be made bc i am RIGHT#also this all kinda sparked from me getting obsessed with a certain kh character who has a connection to the moon#who is also one of my favourite characters ever#and if u know who it is and u also like him ur very cool#im not tagging this w character tags. im like. very shy. but#i love gus i love spectra i love spectragus#anyways see u next time where i should hopefully have art maybe potentially#i found the brushes i used to use back when i did lineless art so i am rlly happy
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*2015 voice* i wish i had the chillness instead i got the mental illness
#evidence of life#tw for mental illnesses major distress illness symptoms that aren’t romanticized (lawl) suicide ableism i guess?#idk just a massive tw for what i’ve said in the notes / don’t read if descriptions of mental illnesses bother you etc#////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////#i literally had to mix rubbing alcohol into my body wash then put it all over my body except my hair to stop myself from committing suicide#i’m so serious if there’s one thing i don’t say with my convoluted levels irony it’s suicide whenever i say kms im 100% serious#suicide is literally a constant ideation for me and i just can’t teehee about it ever i think it’s because it is one of the few ways i feel#that i can take total control full autonomy#anyways isn’t crazy traumatic things will happen and we have to just keep going like im literally on tumblr after [redacted]…#also why is my psychosis so obsessed with break ins these days when i was doing my rubbing alcohol scrub it did the break in scenario#like miss girl literally nobody want us that bad take a seat…#anyways this day started out okayish and now it’s literally *burning building in the background*#i wanna try to at least make it possibly kind of better by going to watch the sunset but no promises kinda itching for more rubbing alcohol#anyways slayyyy respectfully i hope this scares off…who it usually does…#like bro i am not a manic pixie dream girl i am not a smol bean with anxiety not a depressed gloomy muse etc#i am [as described by men who thought that i was just another goth bitch with daddy issues that knew all the right moves to make me into#whatever they needed me to be and or thought i was being hyperbolic when i say i am insane in the head and the pussy (as above so below)]#‘crazy crazy’ ‘fucked up’ ‘not worth it [because i am crazy for real]’ ‘[in need for a dude who one course in psychology and thinks that and#his dick are enough to ‘cure me’ ‘weird’ ‘freak’ ‘looney’ (kinda love that one like so true) etc (bc i don’t want to talk abt this anymore)#edit: my temporary icon bothering more than it should rn ughhh bad end all around goodness
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no rizz just constantly "jokingly" tell him how fucking hot he is
#it's literally like: 'wah Mizu is soo attractive to me... btw have i ever told you I've always thought he looks kinda like you?'#'you'd look so sexy in that white shirt haha'#which btw it's the kind of stuff I've told him since forever. i '''jokingly''' had a List of Reasons Why You're Sexy lol#(which includes things like 'ive seen you repair a faucet with your bare hands' btw. like woah)#i just?? never realised?? how hard i was crushing?? because i was too obsessed w my former best friend/main crush#another friend of mine told me this is a good sign. i think he's right#still i am panicking over this crush. over liking people in general atm#i want to go to therapy tbh#how did i end up talking therapy?? i was talking about the boy i like??#anyways. thanks to whoever reads this & sorry if I'm oversharing I guess#I just have to retrieve several months of unrealised simping i guess hahaha#personal#cal has a crush and makes it everyone's problem once again
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Scheming…
#chattin#taking time to draw and write out a relationship/dynamics chart for the thieves and assorted friends#bc theres. alot. and it would be nice to write it out. it would help establish my thoughts about them#its not poly/thieves but its. kind of adjacent to it. but its less shippy and more focused on how they interact-#-and behave with one another. like theyre kinda bonded together over everything. lines get a little blurred but its what works for them#and i think lumping them all together as poly/thieves is a shortcut for breaking down their character#like obv akira has diff relationships for everyone; but how do THOSE people react to others ??#like pego/ryu is real and true but also ann is absolutely there. u cannot separate them.#theyre the shujin delinquents to me LOL. they are too tightly bound together to let any external relationship split them at this point#akiras not w goro; its akira AND ryuji w goro. like akira and goro would just not work; but ryuji make its work well yknow?#goro doesnt get third wheeled w ann and vice versa bc ann and goro are good friends; they just hang :)#its like. if u could SEE the fucking string of connections making a mess of my white board in my minds eye…😭#so im trying to write it down into something that works for me#i dunno. i think its fun :) i did this for ffxv too#only that was way easier bc its just the four of them. but like. how do their internal relationships affect the overall polycule ?#anyway. inspired by that love post; that theres diff kinds of love. and kiss ryuji week LOL#bc i wanted to write a small thing with different thieves for each prompt#and im like how would their relationships differ from one another ?#ryuji and akira but also ryuji with makoto. ryuji w haru. ryuji w yusuke. its like.#u cant use the same thing from most pego/ryu fics bc they DIDNT meet the same way#waugh.#rambling#just know that im insane. i have all these wips and nothing FINISHED. waaa.#this is what that post meant about being obsessed over bad media LMAO. this is just what happens#u stay up thinking about fake polycules from a game that came out seven years ago#i think….#WHAT. 2016???#EIGHT years ???#funny bc i was thinking about how ffxv was eight yesrs old and i am still a mess over it#well. could u imagine if i played p5 when it LAUNCHED instead of in 2020???
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