#God when do I have a weekend off
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I feel like I missed some of the content without playing Morfosi! I'll finally find time to play it soon.
#morfosi#I just want to know everything about dinogames#I hope I enjoy this game#God when do I have a weekend off#vincent the secret of myers
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I’ve been having a rough couple of weeks (nothing bad!! just general stress…general depression…the usual…you know😔🙏) but even though I haven’t been drawing as much, I’ve been trying my hardest to respond to all the messages & comments etc here…you all are so sweet & I love talking to you🥹💓😙😙
1) the sunrise this morning!!!! It’s been the nastiest June ever…cloud and rain every single day so to finally have a nice day after a week of rain makes me so happy!! 💓💓
2) the flowers I got a few days ago🥹🥹🥹
3) all I wanted to do when I woke up today was listen to Led Zeppelin on repeat and lay in bed in a depression funk😆😆 but I dragged myself out of bed & drew Robert Plant at the beach instead💓💓💓 tbh I think the sun helps a lot with my mood!!
4) I forced my friend to come over and we played Pax Renaissance (literally the most obtuse, bizarre board game of all time but I’m obsessed with it🙏🙏)(I lost every game bahahahahahahaha)
5) I did a bit of makeup today after a week of nothing💓
#sorry if you don���t like these I know this is a fanart blog#but I also like making these little diary posts sometimes too💓💓💓#hope you all had/are having a good weekend!!!!#if I fall off the radar again….just know im obsessively deep-cleaning my apartment#whenever I get in these moods I decide to clean a lot#I already feel awful why not just do an activity I hate too😆😆 and when I feel better it’s like my home magically cleaned itself😆😆#im the biggest Robert Plant simp in the world😇😇😇#there is something so sexy about him😫😫😫 like his voice…his complete ease and comfort with who he is and how he presents himself…#his hair…😫😫😫😫 god I love him#and don’t even get me started on Jimmy Page………#sorry guys I’m such a nerd bajahahahahajajjajajaaj
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looping echidna beastlife gif from trying to figure out toonboom
#based loosely off the bird who keeps taunting my cats through the window. brown headed cowbird who will sit there#and flap it's wings and yell until the cats show up and then it starts pecking at the window and jumping back and forth in front of them#weird bird.#it's done this for like two years now i think#anyways. sound it makes when it fluffs up is vaguely similar to echidnas birdsong soundboard noise thing. so. yeag#whisp whispers#my art#ALSO. ANIMATION PRECOLLEGE IS SO AWESOME. IM SO. AHRHRHNFMDM GET ME OUT OF HIGHSCHOOL PRLESDRRRE GIVE ME AN ART TEACJER WHO CARES ABOUT ART#it's so awesome here. toonboom access!!!! this is so awesome. guys toonboom is so awesome. not to turn a hobby into a job but like i was#genuinely kind of sad when i didn't get to go to school over the weekend it's so awesome here. who was going to tell me college doesn't suck#miserably all the time. like it's a precollege but still this is so ??? so much better than anything i've done in the past 8 years#<-except for fine crafts one i miss u fine crafts ...... not even a fine arts credit. but it was a nice class#anyways point being. hm. maybe i could animate for a job. i used to think about it but hs art magnet is so bad guys it's so bad .and i#was like hm this sucks actually. also like worst period of my life but that's unrelated . but this is so. nice? and im DOING things and i#feel like i'm learning??? god i hope dual enrollment goes well maybe i will be able to make it through college...#im so. this is so awesome. precollege animation 2-week intensive thing i love you i love you i love you#BTW GUYS DID YOU KNOW ALL AUTODESK PRODUCTS ARE FREE AS LONG AS UR IN ANY SCHOOLING. MAYA. FOR FREE. FOR AS LONG AS ENROLLED IN ANY SCHOOL#AND THEN SOME !!! i don't even like 3d modeling that much but. maya for free??? that's awesome. that's awesome!! anyways#rambling. i think i missed all normal tags. uhhhhhhhhh#beastlife#<-oh no i only missed that one. awesome. guys i love it here this is so. arbrnsnnm i love you figure drawing. i'm having fun!#with charcoal!!!!! i thought i hated charcoal but this is like !!!!! so aweosme ?????? i'm#this is so awesome. this is so awesome. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Gear 5 luffy's laugh is so contagious I just hear the drums and go insane how does this work. What did he do to me
#i still cant believe how much this new opening theme goes off.... DREAM SAVE ALL OF US 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH 💥💥💥💥💥💥#wait a second. the robot attacked 200 years ago. the void century was 800 years ago no????? what#oh see it was made 900 years ago.... but why did it attack 200 years ago then.... what happened#it is still so funny how they made evegapunk einstein but with some cunty long legs#200 years ago they gave rights to the gyojin!!! i see i see ✍️✍️also i still wonder why law and kuma have similar hat and pants designs#like there is NO WAY that much similarity isnt done on purpose. NO FUCKING WAY!!! I NEED ANSWERS!!!#are they annihliating cp ships akdhakskd yeah vegapunk letsgo#also the opening song is about dreams and the end one is about luffy reaching shanks...... havent got a clue why but there it is#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1098#also is lucci named lucci bc it kinda sounds like luffy. SERAPHIM KUMA HAS HIS DEVIL FRUIT???? vegapunk could only make zoan fruits????#also wdym when cp0 acts it means its some historic event. lucci is like 25. where are the experienced people here#sentomaru works for vegapunk??? maybe i forgor about this tbh also do theu have a doffy seraphim??? the fact they have animal names....#stussy letting kaku get hurt akdhsjsn oh atlas has lamb ears..... and lucci said she is is prey... no..... the foresahdowing :(#lucci you fucked up she just gave luffy food... that a death sentence look what happened to kaido#episode 1099#<- oh my god btw. god. jesus.#why is akainu telling the cp0 what to do or thinks he can do that... thats the world gov... also thinkng about how garp should fight him#and not luffy.... because of ace you know... i still wonder how did sengoku know who ace's father was... there is only one man who knew....#everyone trying to stop them from fighting ajdhsksjks two rabid dogs fr#LUFFY TAKING OFF HIS JACKET WHEN LUCCI ASKS FOR HIS WANTED SIGN!!!! GO OFF KING!!!! SLAY!!! THE CREW SAW HIM!!! FINALLY!!!#i have been smiling since he started the transformation this is so sick...... i have got a case of the luffy brain#zoan fruits steal the personality of the user when they awaken ✍️✍️ luffy???? nami being the only one who saw gear 5 <3 twins manifesto#robin being so shook about luffy being a god ajdbjansk wdym devil fruits exist because people wish for them. fairy magic real????#WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY ARE FROM ALTERNATE REALITIES WHERE SOMEONE DREAMT ABOUT THEM??? DOES HE TRAVEL THRU REALITIES FOR THEM???#jinbe has been making this face 😧 every episode three times it is amazing ajdhaksnsk poor man... now he sees a kid angel version of himself#after seeing hia captain turn into a god... he is gonna get a stroke OMG SENTOMARU WE JUST GOT YOU BACK#episode 1100#<- CRAZY. INSANE. OH GOD. ONLY 12 LEFT. THATS A WEEKEND!!! I CANT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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all the wta singles matches in a slam being during the day is evil many people have jobs and why would i spend my evening watching a domestic abuser instead of paolini rybakina
#makes me so mad#yes sure keep giving the night session that for many people is all they can watch - again. people have jobs - to the abuser that shouldn't#even be playing#and let women play at 3pm which like. okay it's fine i know most matches have to be played during the day that's how tennis works there's#too many matches for it to work like sports like football or whatever where games are played in the evening + the weekend#but god you're giving all the night sessions to the men lmao#i remember reading a blog post or article about how the implementing of night sessions is a class issue and i so agree#cause yeah i get that players playing til very late isn't great for them#but tennis is already a very inaccessible sport. and the fact most of it happens during daytime when most people again work doesn't help#and since objectively you can't have all of it happen past like 5pm or something. the matches you (the slam/atp/wta) DO choose for the nigh#session says a lot. a lotttt#and it's always fucking zverev#sorry for the rant i'm just pissed off#nico rambles#abuse tw#only mentioned but stay safe
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style tests for my senior project
#august draws#straight up 'monking it' in the club#OUGHHH. IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS PROJECT. MY GOD#will for sure post it here when im finished#(that will not be until next may)#god. ive barely been doing digital art so this was really really nice for me#if i have time this weekend (IF. big if) i would like to do some dnd doodles#we had an absolutely incredible session wednesday night and a lot of good character interactions came out of it#plus there was a super high stakes near death experience after combat had ended and we just barely pulled it off without killing two player#(THANK GOD. one of them was sundamar. i would have been devastated if hed died)
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lads i think we might be pulling an all nighter for this one 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪
#I have way too much I need to do and I did not get enough done on the weekend#Do I have a presentation in my first class tomorrow? Sure do!#I'm sure I'll be fine and I won't sleep through it because I've definitely never slept through this class before#i have two physics assignments to do#and a 3D modeling assignment I need to finish#and I need to finish my sketches#AND figure out what the FUCK I'm gonna do for my other class#bitch this is graphic design class why are we making a physical model.......#I've kind of just resigned myself to getting not great grades in my design class#it's fine because im gonna switch and do engineering and not hate it#I also have other shit I need to do that isn't hmwk but is. Things I should do sooner then later#oh also fn fact the hearing in my left ear has been muffled for the past 3 days#so tomorrow I'm gonna get that checked out yipee#it's probably a buildup of wax but idk how to get rid of that#last time I tried dropping warm water in my ear when it was muffled it made it Worse soooooo#lilac post#god I wish caffeine worked on me. wouldn't that be nice#I've literally just been having oc and toh brainrot#i can't get these damn blorbos off mine mind...
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canons scare me and id have to watch movies n shit and research but gOD i want to write dbd specific qu*ntin smith. he's such a bAYBEE? and also a badass hello?
(x) like they just straight up imply that he was so fucking pissed at freddy and wanted him gone so bad and so adept at dreamwalking and dream manipulation he ended up landing them both in the Entity's realm? like hELLO????
#also he's just so soft and he wants to heLP#god and when he's at the campfire in the menu he dozes off and then jolts awake like BABE#idk id have to find another fc i like since im using older kyle already for thistle#the dbd lore implies its post movie idk how long but id prob age him up to mid 20s because i CAN#or maybe i dont do any of this and i just suuuuck some of his personality traits and inject them into thistle instead lmAO#honestly i just have a vision with him and steve and i need to see it dfkjbgdfg#not even just bfs even tho they are my bias crackship just like general personality types. like theyre so gOOD#also lmao them both knowing a Nancy is also funny#idk idk idk maybe next weekend i watch the elm street remake and see if it sparks joy
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it's all fun and games typing up a silly, rickety little au idea in the tags of someone else's post and then suddenly you find yourself expanding on the world-building and plotting out interconnected stories for characters you swore would only make background appearances and your brain is On Fire with the need to write even when you know you can't commit to yet another doomed wip
#the terror#this is 100% about the fucking hartving tech!averse jirv/librarian!hartnell au from yesterday bc IT WON'T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE#thinking about a ficlet detailing how bridlgar met#peggles is a delivery driver who does the rounds dropping off the library's stationary orders and john's the one in charge of receiving#and they strike up a friendship over terrible stationary puns and eventually start dating when john introduces harry to classic lit#thinking even more about a joplittle sequel where after ned shows up soaking wet the first time and is immediately smitten#by thomas “Just Being A Decent Person” jopson; he starts volunteering at the library just so he can get closer to jops#(like the loser he is; bc why ask someone out directly when you can just hang around in their orbit and hope they notice you noticing them)#but the more time he spends at the library the more he comes to love it; and ends up volunteering to read to children on his free weekends#(my tumblr homies know exactly where i'm headed with this bc i am so transparent my mom might as well have called me “window”)#and jops; despite his better instincts; gets so turned on after hearing ned do voice impressions for fictional crayons while reading to#a bunch of enraptured rugrats that he decides then and there he absolutely can't NOT fuck ned senseless the second he gets his hands on him#meanwhile for the main fic; jirv and tartnell are both absolutely disgustingly in love but are also completely clueless#as to how to go about expressing interest in each other bc while i imagine jirv not being as repressed in this as he normally is in fanon;#he still hasn't actually figured out he's Big Time Gay™ yet and#tartnell on the other hand is both extremely attracted to and intimidated by the handsome; aloof yet kind; bible-quoting scotsman#who's decided to adopt him as his personal apple support technician#despite the fact that tartnell knows little more about iphones than jirv (seeing as he's been using android since smartphones took off)#god i'm in so deep about this stupid little au i've dreamed up that i just want to yell about it for hours on end#and despite knowing i'll likely NEVER get around to writing it; it is just... taking up Brain Space... that i already Do Not Have
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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
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The way I had every intention to be productive this weekend and did none of it bc I know I’m in for some shit the minute I walk into that stupid office
#I finished the t-shirt design for HR lady right and she came in twice about it (could’ve been an email truly)#then when she DID said an email she just forgot that we fully did discuss putting the gross 75th anni. Logo on it#so her email was just that#and I did forget to respond to the email- like I skimmed it and then went ‘we talked about this’ but I’m not allowed to be a smart ass over#email anymore because when sales reps were being especially rude and disrespectful to my coworker and I#I’d waste no time to put them in their place#it took two fucking years of complaining for them to not treat us like shit and to give us deadline that aren’t same day/next day#like two years of me forcing my bosses hand to actually stand up for us for him to tell them to back off#I stopped dealing with it#my coworker does now bc I can’t be bothered to argue with assholes anymore#anyway yeah I- I truly do not check my email often so by the time EOD rolled around I wasn’t checking#but I know HR lady will be in my inbox bright and early :/#but on the bright side I’ll have the art room to myself Monday+Tuesday bc my coworker is leaving~~~~~#so I’m gonna try and be productive Monday so I can rest and relax at my desk Tuesday#then pretend I’ve been productive when I meet with my gross awful boss Wednesday morning#ugh#I need a new job bad#I hate this one#it’s fine but god is it boring and not creative at all#I love graphic design I do I really do but when it’s just sign making with pre-made templates it’s soooo fucking boring#So this weekend I just got high and yesterday a lil tipsy to feel a lil crossfade#I truly haven’t done shit bc if I think about Monday I’ll scream#personal
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Being a writer is weird.
#it's tough fighting that human visual bias on a platform like this#my queue ran out and i haven't posted any vp because i was trying to crank out that last chapter for my long fic#and like i get it maybe most people aren't interested in reading it#different strokes for different folks#but like the discrepancy between how people interact with photo vs writing posts is wildly disheartening sometimes#and i've been see-sawing back and forth all day about this#riding high and wallowing in the mud#this is literally the creative project that i've been pouring myself into for the past month and a half every spare moment i have#and i've been doing this for the past year and a half#it's weird pouring so much love into something when the vast majority of people won't even give it two seconds#i love writing but it is also a mentally exhausting craft and people don't seem to acknowledge that for some reason#it's why i try to reblog stuff from my writing mutuals when i see it because it's usually the artwork that gets the least amount of love#anyway just felt like getting that off my chest#i'm sure my fellow writers can commiserate too#i'm not mad or anything i just had thoughts and perhaps voicing them is better then stewing on them i suppose#also i feel bad for not reading more stuff from other people but i've got like zero beans to give atm#no need to worry or anything i'm still gonna keep writing and posting my shit#more vp comin in over the weekend#also god the new tumblr ui for desktop is fucking ugly absolutely atrocious#man i really don't want to have to set up shop on another social media outlet it's tiresome#i don't want to keep up i just want to blog in peace
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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state
#starlight personal#the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening#the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope#now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed#because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that#2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences#4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it#treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great#treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body#idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing#PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks#ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months#until my next appointment#which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps#I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides#also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is#also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough#this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering#but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly#which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose#(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own#I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient#and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to#like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here#so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here#I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly#make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad
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theres a chance a huge amount of stress will leave my body tomorrow
#if i 1. talk to my group and convince them to cut our interview plan in half due to time restraints#2. finish the first full draft of the thesis#im not sure if that’s going to be it bc there’s a chance i’ll have to write a methodology chapter#but that’s fine ig#like if by the time i have to do it i’ll have all the regular assignments sent out#then it should take me one afternoon which isn’t too bad#oh and the wretched email. ughhhhhhhhh#i cried really hard for like 40 minutes today#i was meant to finish this weekend but ofc i didn’t#but tomorrow. i will finish this finally#and maybe i’ll feel even kind of alive for the first time since february#📓#fingers crossed lol#i feel so behinddddd on everythinggggggg#and i need to ask my mom to give me money back and maybe order yarn later this week#and maybe finish the lacan book and this other short thing#and take them back to the library#and then when i have everything finished i’ll catch up on the crotchet blanket and read the novels ive been putting off bc of stress#and there should be adam i ewa on stream too……#and i’ll rewatch the lethal company vods too bc i just remembered how funny they are#god february was such a time
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(me sitting here seething) ITS FINE its fine ITS FINE . I'LL GET MY LICENSE SOON ITS FINE
#cal rambles#HATE DRIVING WITH MY MOM. SHE IS INFURIATING#girl why are you acting like letting someone else go first at a four way stop bc im unsure#is EQUALLY as bad as running a red light#HELLO? HELLO ? HELLO ????#LITERALLY. WOULDNT HAVE HAD TO WAIT IF U ANSWERED MY QUESTION ABOUT THE TURN BTW#ALSO WHAT EHY CANT I FUCKING WAIT FOR A PEDESTRIAN TO FULLY CROSS THE STREET BEFORE GOING ISNT THAT SAFER ??? ESP IF THERES A KID OR DOG???#WHAT JS UR PROBLEM. GOD.#sorry im mad <3#im literally sitting here like. i jusy need to go out driving this weekend and do the route and them i'll be ready to take my teat#test#ive been putting it off but i KNOW im ready. im a good driver#i do a sudden stop one or twice on accident and apologize after ive done like 50 soft stops#and then she does a sudden stop and goes LOL I pulled a [Cal] !!! FUCK YOUUUUUU#cannot wait to go places without her in the fucking car#this is the same woman who took me out driving with other cars on the road for my FIRST TIME EVER BEHIND THE WHEEL#and was SURPRISED when I almost got into an accident
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9.16 Turn, Turn, Turn
#csiedit#csi cbs#nick stokes#george eads#george eads thirst club#mk.op#mk.gifs#mk.edit#csi 9x16#there are a lot of things i miss about 2018/2019#but one of the things i miss the most was when i would have a few days off work#and just...do so much#whether it was creative endeavours or taking walks or idk cleaning? did i clean back then?#instead this entire weekend has just been one big anxiety attack??#not even 9am yet and i already feel like i'm wasting today#(not because i'm making gifs but rather because i'm not writing or doing something else of value)#keep dreaming about work to the point where it's merging with my dreams about video games#keep drowning in intrusive thoughts that just won't stop#and god i'm tryin but i don't know how to just be better#this really does feel like a new low in my depression#and i know it's probably just the weight gain i'll be scrutinized for at the doctor tomorrow which...more anxiety#and i know i should just try doing a journal instead of this shouting into the void#there's just something about typing in the tags that idk. helps but doesn't?
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