#God it could be so good. So good. And I'm not talking about in specific to me‚ which yes that too given the topics‚
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HEAD OVER HEELS
drew starkey x fem!reader
(mood board does NOT depict readers appearance !!)
SUMMARY: in which drew starkey is head over heels in love with his girlfriend, y/n.
based on this ask !! i really hope you like this anon, you didn’t request a specific plot so i went with this :)
WARNINGS: pure fluff, obsessed!drew but in a cutie patootie way !! (lmk if i missed anything !!)
A/N: i promise guys i will sort out making a master list tonight !! for now, click on my personalised tags like #bettys asks !!
WORD COUNT: 1k
THIRD PERSON +
Drew couldn't stop talking about her. His girlfriend, Y/N, that is.
His castmates on the Outer Banks set had long since grown used to it, though they still teased him mercilessly. It wasn't unusual for him to pull out his phone between takes and scroll through pictures of her, showing anyone who would listen. Even Chase joked once, "You know, Drew, we've all met her. You don't have to keep proving she exists."
But Drew didn't care. He loved talking about her. Loved the way her smile lit up his entire day, the way her laughter felt like sunshine breaking through clouds. Y/N was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he wasn't shy about letting everyone know it.
"She's visiting today," Drew announced, a giddy grin spreading across his face as he leaned against the craft services table.
Madelyn raised an eyebrow, her lips twitching in amusement. "You've only mentioned that about a hundred times this week."
"Yeah, and what's your point?" Drew shot back, unbothered. He grabbed a bottle of water and opened it, taking a sip before adding, "I just can't wait for you guys to see her again. She's incredible."
Madelyn exchanged a knowing look with Rudy, who was attempting (and failing) to suppress a laugh.
When Y/N finally arrived on set that afternoon, Drew spotted her instantly. She stepped out of the car, her hair slightly tousled from the coastal breeze, and his entire world seemed to pause. She was wearing his favorite sundress—the one he'd told her once made her look like a walking daydream—and he couldn't stop the wide, lovesick smile that overtook his face.
"Y/N!" Drew called out, practically sprinting toward her.
Before she could respond, he had her wrapped in his arms, lifting her off the ground as she let out a surprised laugh.
"Joseph Andrew Starkey! Put me down!" she exclaimed, though she was grinning just as much as he was.
"Not a chance," he replied, spinning her around once before finally setting her back on her feet. "God, I missed you."
"You saw me three days ago," she teased, brushing a strand of hair out of her face.
"And that's three days too long," he said without missing a beat, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
It didn't take long for the rest of the cast to spot her. Chase and Rudy came over to say hi, both of them giving her warm hugs and cracking jokes about how Drew had been "insufferable" without her.
"You're a saint for putting up with him," Rudy quipped, earning a playful shove from Drew.
Y/N laughed, her cheeks flushing slightly as Drew laced their fingers together. "He's not so bad," she said, glancing up at Drew with a soft smile.
"Not so bad?" Drew repeated, feigning offense. "I'll have you know I'm the perfect boyfriend."
"And humble, too," she teased, nudging him lightly.
The group chatted for a while before Drew pulled her away, eager to have her to himself. He brought her to his trailer, where he'd set up a small surprise for her: a bouquet of her favorite flowers and a handwritten note resting on the table.
"Drew," she said softly, her eyes shining as she turned to look at him. "You didn't have to do this."
"I wanted to," he said, stepping closer and wrapping his arms around her waist. "You deserve it. You deserve everything."
She leaned into him, resting her head against his chest as she took a deep breath. "You're too good to me, you know that?"
"Not possible," he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
For the rest of the day, Drew was glued to her side. He introduced her to everyone on set—again—even though most of them already knew her from her previous visits. But it didn't matter to Drew. He wanted to show her off, to let the world see just how amazing she was.
During breaks in filming, he would find her wherever she was sitting and drape himself over her like an oversized golden retriever. "You comfortable?" he'd ask, despite the fact that he was the one taking up all the space.
"Very," she'd reply, laughing as she adjusted to make room for him.
When it came time for Drew to shoot his scenes, Y/N watched from the sidelines, her eyes filled with pride. He'd glance over at her between takes, flashing her a grin or a wink, and her heart would flutter every time.
At one point, Madelyn leaned over to Y/N and whispered, "He's like this all the time, you know. Completely obsessed with you."
Y/N's cheeks turned pink, but she couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face. "I'm not complaining," she said softly, her gaze never leaving Drew.
By the time the sun began to set, casting a golden glow over the set, Drew was practically attached to her hip. He posted a candid photo of her sitting on a beach chair, the ocean in the background and a soft smile on her face. The caption was simple: My favourite view.
"You're going to make people sick with how sweet you are," she joked when she saw the post.
"Good," he said, pulling her into his arms. "Let them be sick. I don't care."
That night, as they sat on the beach together, watching the waves crash against the shore, Drew couldn't help but feel like the luckiest guy in the world.
"I love you," he said suddenly, his voice soft but steady.
She turned to look at him, her eyes wide and a little surprised.
"I mean it," he continued, his gaze locked on hers. "I love you. More than anything."
A smile spread across her face, and she reached up to cup his cheek. "I love you too, Drew."
In that moment, with the stars beginning to twinkle above them and the sound of the ocean in the background, Drew felt like he was exactly where he was meant to be. With her.
Always with her.
(divider by @kodaswrld !!)
betty’s notes ౨ৎ ⋆。˚
this was so sweet :’) there’s something about guys who are so lovesick and obsessed with their gf’s that just MELTS my heart😫
i’m still working my way through all my requests from oldest to newest (except a couple i got good inspiration for), so please be patient if you’ve recently requested something !! <3
#bettys asks !! ౨ৎ ⋆。˚#drew starkey#outer banks#fluff#obx#bettys work !! ౨ৎ ⋆。˚#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey x y/n#drew starkey x you#drew starkey obx#drew starkey outer banks#drew starkey fluff#drew starkey one shot#drew starkey imagine
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Unwanted Attention
Poly! Billy Loomis & Stu Macher x Male Reader
Fandom -> Scream 1996
Requested by -> @malertop
Masterlist
You breathed out in relief when the bells rung for lunch break, three hours of math always felt like a death sentence and tedious to listen to they were as well—making your brain feel like mush.
Someone had placed an arm over your shoulder and you don't even need to look who it is, because Stu is the only person who do this whenever you're on your way outside—always finding his way through the crowd to accompany you to the usual spot, where the rest of your little group would meet up for lunch.
Today, as Stu leads you in another direction, it seemed to be a different place though, trying to remember if you had been ever at the fountain at all in your school history of breaks—probably not and you don't care enough to question it.
Topic of today was the death of Casey and her boyfriend, with Stu making a terrible joke about it—but that's Stu being himself—and you shrugging your shoulders, in almost nonchalantly, when Tatum had asked you how you feel about it—and in honesty it's a feeling of zero, because you don't know Casey personally to feel sad about her death, sure it's tragic—deaths are always tragic—but that's all.
Sidney, you know how such things affects her, wanted to disagree with you about this—raised her brow in question though, when the new transfer girl came walking over and sitting down next to you without a greeting.
Lori, you believed her name was, had moved from Santa Ana to Woodsboro and she's already a big talk through school and that's only because she had not only annoyed Heather Westcoast—Cheerleader Captain and a good friend of yours—on the first school day, setting her off in seething resentment, but Lori also had upset the whole Sports teams of Woodboro high in one go.
Even so, with her negative reputation she had gotten—and her high arrogant attitude, which even Heather (who could be quite arrogant herself when wanted) and most popular girls hated—a bit, really just a bit, uncomfortable close to you.
You're fine with specific people, like your closed friends, siblings or boyfriends, sitting so skin touching close to you, but strangers is where you drew a line—where you getting goosebumps of unease.
And Lori sitting so close was not enough, no, she cages your arm with her own—interwoven her fingers with you—pressing her boobs against you and getting even more close than before—starting to talk like a waterfall, long manicured finger sometimes tracing over your face or she touches you on places you definitely don't want to be touched by a girl at all—like your thighs or stomach—but Lori doesn't seemed to care.
While you still tried to tell her off—your voice a bit too soft to be heard over Lori's rambling—there's various perplexities among your friends faces, because how dare the girl to do such pesky gestures when it's widely known that you're in a relationship (although of who your boyfriend is, is still a secret to be discovered) and Lori should be glad that Heather nor Percy (two of four people who are quite protective over you) are here to see this, but Tatum for sure will them later, otherwise Lori is bound to get some nasty bruises and a much more worse reputation.
»Oi, Bimbo! Make some space.« spat Stu, placing himself—oh you could definitely tell that Stu Macher was jealous—between Lori and you, which you were so thankful though, breathing out in relief.
»Excuse me?! I was in the middle of a conversation!« not only did you, but also Sidney and Tatum, cringed at the high screeching sound of Lori's voice and god knows she could reach such vocal heights.
»What conversation? You were the only one talking!« interjects Tatum, red lips going into a scowl and there's a minimal narrow of her eyes.
Bill was glaring as well, having gotten up from his spot and standing now in front of Lori and you, arms crossed.
»That's a conversation isn't it? I'm talking is the whole point of a conversation.« claims Lori, about to grab your hand again—but Stu was quicker, much quicker, draping his arm around your shoulders—just like he had done before—and pulling you close, sticking his tongue out at Lori in triumphing smugness.
»You bother [Name].«
»I do not! He would have told me, wouldn't he?«
»[Name] did asked you to leave him alone, like three times already. So I'm gonna say it again and for once and final, fuck off.« with the way how Billy said it, demand it even, you could tell he's a bit pissed off.
Lori seemed to understand the message, getting up, scoffing—flipping her long hair from her face and behind—she walks away.
~~~•~~~
It's way over midnight when you had fallen asleep during the movie session, laying back to chest against Stu, who holds you close in his arms.
You normally don't fall asleep easily throughout movies, but with what happened today it did have taken some energy out of you, making you unfocused and doing things you shouldn't do—like wanting to shower with your clothes on or drinking a weird mix of Coffee, orange juice and soda or waking up minutes after falling asleep, just to shout about late for school.
»How did it went?« asks Stu, when Billy had come back into the living room—carefully moving you a bit, to sit more upwards.
»I gave the bitch a good scare. She think about bothering [Name] anymore.« it would have been way to obvious to kill Lori right away, but a good scare tactic was just as effective.
Billy takes your sleeping form out of Stu's arms, carrying you upstairs to the bedroom—laying you down in the middle before Billy himself and Stu joined in and caging you in between them.
Maybe if Billy agreed to make their relationship public known, Lori wouldn't have tried to get so damn close to you, but Billy back then didn't wanted that and ever since it's a bit hard for them both not to touch you too much without making it obvious.
#male reader#x male reader#malereader#xmalereader#oneshot#scream 1996#scream x male reader#poly! ghostface x male reader#ghostface x male reader#poly! billy loomis & stu macher x male reader#billy and stu x male reader#billy loomis x male reader#billy loomis#stu macher#stu macher x male reader#poly!billy and stu x male reader
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Just finished the Patreon episode of Shut Up I'm Talking about Dream and. God, watching them both just be so speechless eventually... Man, same. Jack's right, I'm just perplexed. And disgusted. And tired.
I dunno man, I've said I wish I could have some kind of genuine chat with Tom before. He's gone through so much, lost so many mentors and friends, and put up with so much shit. He's so exhausted with all of it, and I don't blame him one bit. But as someone who's watched him since 2020 and seen how much he's grown and matured in so many ways, it sucks to see him so demoralized by everything even if it's totally understandable.
Forgive me for sounding so parasocial, but I just really wish I could tell him what it's been like to be a fly on the wall for going on 5 years now, and to give him some appreciation for persevering through all the bullshit and coming as far as he has. Because like. Hearing that stuff from your family and friends probably means more to you, sure, but you kinda expect the praise from them, y'know? But when a stranger you don't think twice about, if at all, tells you something so meaningful, it sticks with you more, at least I think. I know I have a bunch of personal anecdotes from high school like that myself. There's a word for this specific experience but I'm drawing a blank on what it is.
Idk, I think that's a long-winded and weird way of saying I just wish there was something Tom could hear that would breathe some joy back into things for him. Not just from me, but from literally anyone. Because it's one thing to be aware in the back of your mind that what you do has had and still has the impact it does, and helped so many people and has built like. Huge core memories for them and stuff. But it's another to be told that face to face, and to see it in a form that isn't just text from some rando on the internet. The former isn't better than the latter, but it still sticks with you harder and feels like a stronger reminder that it's all worth it. Like seeing the good you've done in tangible form just makes it more real, if that makes sense.
I wish all the bullshit yapping from garbage people like the ones Tom has had to put up didn't overshadow the astronomical amounts of good his involvement with YT has done for an unfathomable amount of people. I don't know how else to explain how it feels to bystand all this.
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I think there's been a bit of a mix-up here. I was talking about one of many interpretations available to make such a concept work. As an AU (my fault for not being specific). Not other people's inability to make the concept work in an unproblematic way or the likely cannon.
I don't believe the way I would write the story of Cain and Abel is the same or likely to be similar to how it will be handled in Hazbin Hotel. I honestly have no idea how it will be handled at all.
I don't understand the viewpoint that Adam, being a person capable of flaws and faults even as a human, means "Adam was awful all along." After all, Adam lived a good enough life on Earth to earn a place in Heaven.
Does making mistakes with one child when you have no guidebook on being a father, no experience having been a child and growing up, not even having been alive or self-aware long enough to have figured out the logistics before having children in a hostile dangerous environment make you "awful all along"?
It seemed like he was forced to be a father before he was ready to be and forced to do so in a deadly high-risk environment. A parent can't do their best without education, experience, the right environment, and a supporting family. All of which were denied by God so they could suffer hardships on their own as penance for the 'sin' of disobedience.
I'm not saying the emotional neglect Cain experienced was intentional or malicious on the part of Adam and Eve. Merely a product of their own circumstances.
Adam and Eve only had each other to rely on in the wilderness. Their relationship was likely strained due to what happened in the garden, and if their first official child was in fact Lucifers, that could also put a strain on their relationship with each other and Cain.
It's another difficult topic that they lack the emotional intelligence and guidance to work through as a couple.
Then there's the angelic propaganda. The angels would push hard to demonise the fallen angel Samuel/Lucifer as inherently untrustworthy and evil incarnate. This view would also affect how the angels spoke of and viewed Cain (if he's Lucifers son) and how his parents viewed him. They might not have even realised how emotionally neglectful they were to Cain due to the negative influence of the angels.
I can't make the favouring Cain in a scenario where Lucifer is the father work in my head. Even in a scenario where Cain is Adams' son, it doesn't work. Parents tend to pay more attention to their youngest child because they're less independent and need more attention and are viewed to require more encouragement as they are younger.
There's also the common stereotype of the "baby of the household." Spoiled rotten, can do no wrong, is allowed to get away with metaphorical murder, the little prince/ss.
The eldest child of the household is stereotypically mature for their age (because they had to be for one reason or another), overworked, treated like an adult yet not an equal, and underappreciated for all their hardwork and efforts.
It just seems more likely, regardless of whether or not Cain is Lucifers son, that Abel was the favourite child and Cain felt and likely was emotionally neglected.
My brain did an additional thing. Even in a scenario where Cain was Adams's son, he could still be emotionally neglected for being viewed as "born evil" due to his parents sin of eating the apple.
The angels and humans are clearly flawed and imperfect and entirely capable of being wrong, and inheriting the sins of our ancestors is an old, well-known concept.
I wouldn't be surprised if they thought the firstborn son of the first humans inherited most of the sins of the apple to a worse degree than any humans to come after. As another one of those natural punishments, except the angels were just working on their own fear mongering assumptions.
This is personally why I hate the idea of Cain actually being the child of Lucifer and Eve. To me it feels like it is saying that Cain was the first murderer because he is actually the devil’s son. Like they are saying that Cain was evil because of who is father is. That might be why I prefer having Cain look and act more the most like Adam. Out of all of Adam’s sons, Cain is the most like him and you wouldn’t think that anyone else is his father.
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And I forget sometimes I'm just flesh and bone.
As he stands in the ruined bathroom, all Rook can think is, At least now I can breathe.
#ts4#ts4 edit#the sims 4#sims 4 edit#my edits#ts4 render#my renders#blender render#oc: Rook#dnd sims#ts4 dnd#please I beg of you open this in a new tab and look it it. it's 2080px across and I spent way too long on tiny details.#(like the blood on the shards of glass on the sink. and the mirror alone took well over an hour...)#augh I love my boy so much#he's really going through it right now tho#poor bby#but when he's going through it I'm having fun playing him so...#yeah#blood tw#tw blood#so this is scheduled to go up right as we're starting our session picking up from exactly this point.#I thought that would be thematically fitting#please listen to this song it's so good and it's very Rook.#I almost put the lyrics right after this line (''I saw my reflection on the street that night / he said I got something to change your life#/ he said you don't look wrong but you don't look right'')#bc yk mirror shit. But I ended up going with this line instead because it's VERY VERY fitting for the conversations going on w/ Rook.#specifically about his reckless endangerment of himself to the point where some of his party members consider it to be self-harm.#(and obviously punching a mirror intentionally is self-harm.)#but like Rook doesn't see it that way and he's so confused as to why the party is so upset with him. (esp. his mentor and the gunslinger.)#god I could talk about this ridiculous man for hours so I'll stop here.
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#19.3 Unravel
It had been some time since Agni felt this nervous. Not even talking with Jinsung Ha recently had made him feel like this. He fiddled with the mask on his hand as he waited for Grace to come back. He had thought hard on how to deliver the news, but he knew that no matter how he phrased it, Grace would be upset. Velt nuzzled under his palm and Agni gave her a few pats, before deciding that she would be better inside her bowl in his lighthouse, just in case the shinsu acted up around Grace after he received the news.
Grace came back wearing the comfiest shirt and shorts Agni knew Grace liked to wear on lazy days. He joined him on the floor, and they ate dinner together. Agni always finished last, so while waiting for him to finish his meal, Grace told him about his day with Bam. Grace was intrigued by how much his way of thinking had changed, and how glad he was to be able to be by Bam's side when he was having a bad day. It reminded Agni of the hidden floor, when Grace faced his sworn enemy.
They left the used bowls on the coffee table and went to brush their teeth. Afterwards, they turned off the light and went upstairs to sit on their bed. Grace's curious gaze never left him, and Agni curled his feet nervously.
Grace was the one who broke the silence. "So…what is it?"
Agni's breath hitched. This was the part he dreaded most. "I talked with the crocodile earlier. Did you know that he could manipulate stone already?"
"Huh." Grace needed a few seconds to let the information sink in. "Didn't Rak learn it on the Hell train? How does he know it?"
"Turns out our crocodile also traveled back to the past like us. He found the young crocodile and taught him."
"What?!" Grace gasped, wide eyed. "That means our Rak is–!!"
"He's dead." Agni quickly snuffed out that hope. They had been in delusion for long enough; it was time that they faced the bitter truth. "He suffered a fatal injury from the explosion. He couldn't have lasted long without proper help." Agni omitted the actual cause for Rak's death, but still kept his words true. "I'm sorry."
"…Oh." Grace looked lost, just like Agni was. His lips parted a little, but they closed before any sound escaped.
Agni gently squeezed Grace's hand, encouraging and comforting as he let the silence stretch on, giving Grace some time to process the information.
"Agni…" Grace whispered, "do you think Hatz and Isu…?"
Agni bit his lip and avoided his gaze, as the nightmare of that day replayed in his mind. He witnessed Hatz get his arm ripped off when trying to protect him. He could still recall the clang of a sword hitting the floor, and Hatz's suppressed scream that gnawed deep at his guilt. He witnessed Isu get beheaded after being taken hostage, the memory of warm blood painting them both still vivid like it happened yesterday.
Agni refused to acknowledge their possible deaths, because it felt like a nightmare that one day he could hopefully wake up from. He avoided the topic when Grace brought it up, so he wouldn't have to say it aloud and make it real. He had been so hard on himself, because he couldn't get rid of the feeling that he had failed Grace and everyone else involved.
Agni knew this had to change if he wanted to live better, now that they had gotten a second chance. So he swallowed down the lump in his throat that had built up over the years and asked mostly to himself; "What are the odds of their survival?"
"There's always a chance–"
"Grace." Agni looked him straight in the eye. "They were already severely injured before the explosion hit."
Grace fell silent and went still.
Agni felt a pang of guilt upon witnessing Grace's reaction. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap." Agni fiddled with his hands. He realized that he didn't know how much Grace knew of what happened. "My scar…do you know how I got it?"
"I…was told it was from the family heads' battle." Grace looked thoughtful. Agni knew he was trying to be careful with his words. "A stray attack?"
"It could have been worse." The memory of the scorching heat on his skin felt like it had only happened yesterday. He passed out right when he was about to heal Isu, and only found out later that he also lost sweetfish at that time. The days he spent recovering from the burn, to withstand the excruciating pain every second he was conscious, and finally coming to terms that it'd be a permanent scar, was one of the turning points that had changed him forever. Were Grace not there to care for him, he might have ended up destroying himself even more.
Agni hadn't realized he had his left hand clawing on his cheek until Grace pried his hand off and frowned, "You're doing it again."
"Maybe I should wear the mask…" Agni muttered to himself. After all, Grace gave it to him less so he could hide the scar but more to prevent him from unconsciously hurting himself. The only time he could safely take it off was when Grace was around.
Agni bit his lip nervously when Grace didn't reply. He no longer had the courage to look Grace in the eye that spoke so much concern, so he leaned close and rested his head on Grace's chest. "Rak, Isu, Hatz and Hwaryun were trying to get me out of that damned place. But we were caught while escaping, and…it was a bloodbath. I was…too occupied to react to the incoming heat. Rak shielded us from the explosion. And when I woke up…"
"They weren’t with you," Grace finished it for him after Agni trailed off a moment too long.
Agni nodded dazedly, "I've been telling myself that they're still alive, after a blow that could kill rankers. But…who am I kidding? I was lucky enough to survive with just this little–" Agni vaguely pointed to himself– "inconvenience."
Agni felt a hand gripping his arm, and he pulled away to see Grace looking at him with a pained expression. His eyes were glossy and his lips were pulled into a thin line. Trusting his instinct, Agni reached out to gently trace and cup Grace's cheek with his free hand.
"I'm sorry," Agni muttered. "I'm sorry, for not telling you sooner."
Agni silently witnessed tears that streamed down on his love's face. It was a bitter sight that Agni wished he'd never have to see again, that he had tried to avoid for so long by not telling him. He pulled Grace in and held him close to his chest, as if Agni was trying to gather his own crumbled heart back together.
Grace mumbled their late best friends' names as he held onto him tighter, shaking from each breath he took between sniffles.
Agni felt his own eyes sting with unshed tears. He remembered the years he spent climbing the tower together with his old team. Despite their banter being his source of headaches, Agni knew he too had come to acknowledge them as his cherished friends. Only when they were gone did Agni realize how much he'd miss having them around. Seeing the younger them didn't exactly close the gaping hole in his heart, but at least the emptiness was more filled.
Agni squeezed Grace tighter. "We have their younger selves with us now. We will protect them better this time."
Grace only nodded and sank further into his embrace. And Agni planted kisses on his hair, relishing the thought that after everything he had gone through, Grace was still a constant in his life. As long as he had him, everything would be okay.
When Grace started shaking again, Agni caressed his hair and hummed a comfort song they had known by heart. Still, it didn't make falling asleep any easier for Agni, especially not after admitting that his nightmare was very much real. However, as he had been through grief…this, too, would pass.
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#Whee we get to know some of their past. Specifically their turning point#I hope it flows nicely because i have rewritten this like 3 times now 😭😭😭 dialogues are just not my specialty#like how to make them reveal such information without making them come out of the blue#writing style aside. let's talk about why Agni behaves this way#I will save the details on the what and how for the prologue. but basically Agni had been through hell that he couldn't escape alone#Rak Hatz and Isu saved him (or attempted to). and Agni owed them for saving his life. thus the strong attachment that Khun doesn't have#also let me mention that Agni had trouble differentiating between hallucination and reality after the incident. So he was kind of in denial#maybe Agni had come to a conclusion that they might be dead months after that. but he was too afraid to admit it to Grace#because he thought it was partly his fault for being incompetent. and Grace would hate him for letting their friends die#not wanting to risk being left by Grace. he just put himself (and inevitably Grace too) in the illusion of truth#that there's still a chance their friends are still alive because they have no proof of their deaths#so when Agni was offered to go back to the past. he agreed to it. Already expecting that Rak Hatz Isu aren't the same ones that he looks fo#but it was as good as he could get to redeem himself. Plus they get to meet everyone else who they couldn't save#Anyway. I'm taking hiatus until April. In return I will answer if you have any questions whether it is written in the tags or sent via ask#see ya folks <3 we'll get more brothers and team bonding when I return#tower of god#tog#two sides of the same coin fic#my fic#my art#bam#25th bam#jue viole grace#khun#khun aguero agnis#khunbam#shibisu#ship leesoo#rak wraithraiser#hatz
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Every day I am haunted by the fact JJK could be amazing but it will be just idk Bleach or something
#I've seen a lot of people complaining about the fact that it's impossible to fit the ending of every unfinished arc#in the five chapters that remain for the manga to end for good#And it all just... legitimises my fear and apprehension haha#And it's a pity! It's a pity! The dynamics were so good! And yet nothing! Sukuna was so good! And yet nothing!#It was so nice how he seemed to play with the idea of transcending human categories and values but even the values of curses so to speak#Well beyond everything. Well beyond positive/creative nihilism even! He was not like Mahito#I wonder if Mahito is more a negative nihilism with a funny edge or a positive nihilism. For now it seems positive#with how he seems to have said something like 'nothing matters so we can do whatever we want and create what matters'#But Sukuna transcends all that! It could have been interesting to see how that developed in a way that wasn't just childish edginess#But no. And then there's all the idea of curses and sorcerers not being all that different#and so not really entirely possible to say one side is good and the other bad#There was the idea of the very source of powers with fear and love playing a role here in such a juicy way#And then there's the entire thing happening with Gojo as a concept and the very concepts he plays with which I could eat like an apple#but also I would let those very concepts eat at my heart as a worm inside an apple#Full of holes and rotting inside out and yet delighting at the sweetness#It could all be so good! And yet! Most of the manga is a few sketched dynamics and concepts and a very long fight with Sukuna#promising half finished arcs#WHY it could have been so good. And I don't think criticism is a matter of 'fans being spoiled! Go write your story!' or something#It's not a matter of things not going as fans would want them to be. It's a matter of not writing well#or cohesively things established by the author themselves. And I think that's a fair criticism#If we are to take manga as an art‚ which I wholeheartedly support‚#then we can subject mangas to artistic or literary or whatever you want to call it analysis. There are works that are better constructed#than others‚ and there are works that have good ideas but poor execution. And it's always a pity#In the case of JJK it's truly breaking my heart and the comments I see around about these five last chapters are not helping xD#God it could be so good. So good. And I'm not talking about in specific to me‚ which yes that too given the topics‚#but just so good in general. It could be so good. It could have been so good#And yet it's starting to look more and more like any other shonen. It truly breaks my heart haha#I talk too much#Jujutsu Kaisen#I used Bleach because I think that's one of the mangas that has been the most a let down to the friends I have who like shonen
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Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble
I will not be brief, all under the cut
To clear some things right off the bat:
No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.
Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality
The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.
This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.
Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:
Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.
All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.
Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).
And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.
At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.
I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.
Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.
This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.
It shifts something between them.
From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.
As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.
Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.
Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.
I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.
I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.
I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.
As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.
I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.
Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great
#ty right-agent for explicitly telling me that this would be welcomed you a real one#i had a massive babble to my friend abt what if they all feed me to the hounds for speaking#and he said “girl that fandom is like 12 people big they need you to speak” and yeah that also helped#i have a hard time talking if I'm not asked/prompted to that's why i adding tags is great for me. that and i like the format#anyways.#THESE TWO.............dear lord can you tell I have been unwell abt them forever..#this is propeganda (/j) for them. btw. please you have to understand the potential here. it's so good.#it's slowburn <- my (probably) demiromantic ass cannot handle romance without a build up and this set up is perfect (it will never happen)#also i find it easier to write ANYTHING between these two from Juniper's perspective because i find it easier to get into his head#idk reggie is like the gay version of the: what is he thinking of? i could take a bear in a fight. audio ive heard.#whereas with juniper i have him trapped under a microscope#im going to tag this now so i can use the remaining tags to RANT#ieytd#john juniper#reginald crane#junicrane#starstruck#i expect you to die#<- being BRAVE!!!#when I get really excited i start getting like this internal shaking feeling and uh. yeah this rant started that#the worst part abt that is it also triggers my tourettes so like. double whammy. excited about blorbos? jail :(#but. yeah I uh. yeah. sorry this IS so long..I did warn but . AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAUUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH#also i did this rant in 2 parts. last night and this morning so yeah uh. yeah.#god im so messed up about these two#make me a boat by the family crest came on while wroting this and while it's mainly a roxanix song to me......AUUUUUG.....#i struggle to find music for these sillies because they have such a specific vibe to me amd I've not quite managed to find something which -#- genuinely feels correct for them and it drives me up the WALL#GOD NIGHT SHIFT JUST CAME OF SHUFFL.....all my ieytd songs are coming out to drive me up the wall.......#FINISHED I've been adding tags as I've gone alonga#thank you for reading hope you enoyed and if you didn't im sorry
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hate when i see a youtube video that's like 'analyzing why [thing] is bad!' and you watch the video and they just say nothing for twenty minutes
#random thoughts#watched a video on why a specific character was poor representation for survivors of assault#and it was such a nothing burger of a video#'this character is bad because children might see them and think their behavior is okay' okay?#i learned how to block out memories from finn adventure time but that doesn't mean memory suppression shouldn't be addressed in media#plus hazbin hotel. i'm talking about angel dust btw if that wasn't blaringly obvious. is an adult cartoon. for adults#adult cartoons shouldn't have to restrict their subject matter because kids could see it#and angel dust being a male queer SA victim using hypersexuality as a coping mechanism could be good!#and the fact he hits on other people despite it making them uncomfortable isn't exactly a problem a la his character?#it could be a control thing. i used to do something similar (pushing other people's boundaries and complaining when they pushed back)#because it made me feel some kind of control over my life#it could start off as a really shitty joke and then grow into 'oh god is that why he does that??'#but anyway their second main point was that the songs were bad? and that poison being an upbeat song makes it bad#like despite listing many other songs which are upbeat with heavy lyrics. but somehow poison is the exception because it's a cartoon?#like again that could be a character thing. angel dust using obfuscation as a coping mechanism to distract himself from his shitty life.#。・゚゚・the lyrics are upbeat to distract you from how dead i feel inside・゚゚・。#and their reading of the second song seemed really mean-spirited?#like as 'everyone has problems so you're not special because you're a whiny baby' rather than 'you're not as alone as you think you are'#and like if op wanted to just complain about a show they watched then yeah go off i do that all the time#but don't parade it as character analysis???#and they say 'oh reading it as a feelgood you're not alone message doesn't work because these characters' struggles are not equal'#but like. sometimes rape needs to feel like it's not some special trauma. it's not unique and you're not uniquely fucked up for it#two characters' traumas don't need to be directly comparable for them to bond!!!#and im not like. defending hazbin hotel btw. never seen it not going to see it no thanks#i'm just complaining about a mediocre youtube video that i'm going to forget about in a week#god i hate that brand of youtube video. where they just complain about things without going into depth about why they're bad#especially if their complaints are shallow and don't have to do with like. the actual structure of a character or story#like it's so easy to say 'this character is bad because theyre a predatory stereotype' but like. go into some depth at least#i think i hate these videos so much because they're fueled purely by hate. no love for the source material or even a desire to learn#or a love for storytelling even
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hyperfixations really will have you imagining a 2 hour video essay on some white guy video game character huh 😪
#HELP#thank GOD i don't have video editing capabilities i would be SO annoying#anyways there's a guy on youtube who does FASCINATING breakdowns of video game villains#i watched one on miquella eldenring and i watched one on osmund saddler re4 (2023)#i would LOVE to do a villain analysis on chronos hades2game as well. he's a fascinating villain to me#well. i have WRITING capabilities. hmmmmm#character analysis is so fun to do frfr i love examining the little guys in my video games like they're specimen#I COULD DO ONE ON LINK BOTW#(he's also a fascinating character to me idk)#help i'm discovering my true power and i don't have time for this!!!!!#i also want to do one on the character development leon has in the re2 and 4 remakes because i think its really fascinating#and i do not see it talked about enough. probably because he's peak male fantasy but i'm shaking him violently#PLEASE I NEED TO TALK ABOUT PERSONAL CHANGE AND ITS RELEVANCE IN RESIDENT EVIL 4 (2023)#ITS EVERYWHERE literally the main antagonist is trying to convince you to join him and give up control of your body#and there's this underlying narrative about how people change over time and a lot of it from leon's perspective is because of trauma/PTSD#that he's running from!!! he's not really handling it and it's coming back around again and it shows!!#he's got this sort of drive to save as many as he can but literally not long after his introduction as a character there's this really harsh#reality check that it's not possible to save everyone. but leon keeps trying and he keeps failing#and these failures stay with him into re4 and throughout that game too.#HHHHHHHRG this game is so good for no reason why is it so GOOD AUGH#anyways :) i'll stop losing my mind over this one specific blond dude in my tags now#oh god i hope no one sees these tags <- in denial#i really could go on for 2 hours about leon kennedy huh#hell i could do it for melinoë too. AND SHE ONLY HAS ONE GAME
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aurghhh ok still rewatching '97 and the way guts and casca only have the room to breathe and really come to understand and care for each other in griffith's absence because he has such a strong hold over them both.... and the way their mutual dedication to him is what causes them to bicker for years (casca thinks he's not serving him well enough, guts thinks she doesn't get that he cares/how much he cares, casca's jealousy over griffith's feelings for guts, how he won his heart without even trying or being aware of it or doing anything with it) and is also a big part of what brings them together (earlier when guts deviates from the plan to save griffith and she commends him, in the cave casca opening up about griffith and her's past, showing that vulnerability, while it's mostly confrontational, leads to guts kinda getting her better, and his efforts to save and protect her (falling off the cliff with her, taking on the 100 men so she can escape, encouraging her to return to griffith so she can help him because it's what she feels she's meant to do (her dream, the direction in life guts shares and yet is questioning because of griffith's speech at the fountain, whether or not it's enough to serve him if it means he'll never be a true friend in griffith's eyes because he's not an equal), supporting the idea of her being with griffith/being his most important person like he won't because he doesn't view it as a competition like she has been since day one) leading to her realizing that he's kind of not that bad a guy and they have a lot more in common that she thought. and how the bonfire of dreams conversation is guts opening up to her in kind, the answer to her talking about how griffith saved her, how she feels. how neither of them ever call it love but it's something they know they both have for griffith. how it's something they're beginning to have for each other, different in ways they couldn't put a word to. because they're equals this time. the way griffith kind of becomes less and less important as they find other reasons to live and fight, as they become less singularly obsessed with him. how griffith is unable to stand it, guts' personhood, that agency and peer-to-peer equality he claimed to want (and perhaps truly did) that disappeared guts from his life, his plans, his side. how it barely even matters to griffith how casca changes because he never wanted her like she wanted him. god i can't fucking stand their shakespearean nonsense drama (<- hopelessly in love with their interpersonal dynamics)
#god they're the only healthy part of this unholy mind-palace love triangle/throuple aren't they#they could have been the worst qpr/throuple in your social circle. like just insufferable when they're not getting along#if griffith hadn't [oh god oh fuck oh jesus christ] all over everything even remotely good in his life anyway#poor casca's in love with a gay man and then falls for his not-quite-boyfriend and when not-quite-boyfriend reciprocates said gay man fucki#g. Does The Eclipse Stuff. at least partially to get back at you two. oh my godd#i'm sorry i'm so not normal about them. it's starting to leak out into the blog bc i'm finally having a Berserk Moment since starting tumbl#but whewwwww. gotta get this outta my system#hope this wall of text makes sense oops <3#berserk#berserk 1997#how do i even tag their thang. their disastrous just horrible agonizing 3 guy dynamic. hm.#gutsca#griffguts#don't even know if anyone tags for griffith and casca. fair because 1) he raped her. yikes 2) he just straight up isn't into her#and i don't know if there's a tag for the three of them but trial and error led to nothing#but i wanna talk about their dynamic. their. (gestures wildly) whatever. it's not about thinking griffith should kiss anyone it's about lik#the agony. the pining and the torment and whatever miura so beautifully crafted for me specifically. sheesh#hope it's clear that i Don't Want Them To Be An Uwu Little Polycule Bc Casca Should Not Be In A Cutesy Throuple With Her Rapist#it's more that i think they kind of are or almost are part of this (gestures wildly again). Thing. with each other and i wanna talk about i#same with griffguts like oh man they should NOT be in a relationship. but i have this deep intense Need to study them and frankly they're#kind of crazy about each other for a while. like they care about each other so so much it's crucial to all three of their characters.#so it's kind of unavoidable. and i wanna talk about it. and have this read by people who also want to talk about it. yeah? yeah.#(and yeah i think griffith raping casca was about her and guts. like 'fuck you for making him okay with leaving me' type of vibe. even#though it wasn't her fault he's just. god. but it sure as hell isn't Mostly about casca because griffith's making eye contact like the Whol#time with guts. he makes him watch. it's just. shooooooooooo aughhhhghhghh fucking. jesus christ. that or it's the fear that his two most#important pawns are going to leave him Together and he just. can't deal with that. especially after the torture internment thing.#he's so weak and he was so close to his dream and now it's falling apart and they're leaving him and he can't even move. it's about making#damn sure they can't escape him or forget him ever again.#or maybe it's even a 'you can't have her she's mine' to guts but it's still largely like. spiteful/about possessing her as a soldier/human#because i don't think you could convince me it's about having her as a lover or about controlling/hurting/possessing her body.)
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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this might be a hot take... but if you care about disavowing media made by bad people out of fear of looking like a bad person yourself more than you care about actually doing good things... you might have your priorities (and your morals) screwed up a bit :/
(see my tags for more of my thoughts on this topic! please try to avoid making make bad-faith assumptions about what i mean!)
#melonposting#there is a good case for not wanting to associate with something on account of the creator being harmful. sure whatever#but people have talked at length about the sort of moral ocd that it promotes when that idea is fervently preached and enforced#i don't know about you but i think there's a big difference between#a) not wanting people to associate with something because the media itself spouts harmful rhetoric#and because its bigoted creator both benefits from people engaging with the books and is idolized by many of the books' fans#and b) not wanting people to vocally enjoy ANYTHING made by ANYONE who's held any harmful ideology at any point#because doing so 'inherently' supports and spreads those harmful ideologies#it's true that you cannot separate the art from the artist#but good people can make bad art and bad people can make good art. artistic talent is not inherently correlated with the artist's morals#the goodness/badness of a person CAN seep into the art they make. and it often does. and that can affect one's enjoyment of it#but even then there's nuance to be had on how to deal with it#like my hero academia for example. when i started watching it in middle school i didn't know how misogynistic it would be#of course i ended up seeing it in the show (and god it's so misogynistic)#and i ended up learning that the 'joke' sexual-harasser character is a self-insert for the creator#which of course i could never get behind. the creator is undeniably a horrible guy#at the same time though the show means a lot to me and i've gained a lot from watching it#i won't elaborate here on how but believe me it isn't superficial. if you want to ask me about it i'd be happy to share#i can hold both in my mind. the disgust and the enjoyment. i don't think those have to be mutually exclusive#of course not everyone is like that; you could immediately stop liking the show on discovering the gross stuff. and that's your prerogative#i don't know... i agree with the values behind avoiding media made by people known to have moral failings#and in some cases (like harry potter and jkr) i fully endorse the values and the practice. but such cases are very specific#but in most cases i fear the practice is misguided and unnuanced and ultimately unhelpful in fulfilling one's values#it is largely a philosophical matter: about how an individual regards their moral standing in the context of themselves and other people#which is important to discuss - especially in our globalized internet age! speaking of which feel free to disagree with me#if you want to have a civil discussion i'm more than open to it#but no matter how important this matter... there are way more important ones in the world. especially right now#calling out people who watch a youtuber who said something bigoted 5 years ago does little to stop that bigotry overall#just have good morals and practice them! support oppressed people! be thoughtful and understanding and compassionate!#callouts and dni lists rarely make for impactful advocacy!!!
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#tried r/bangtan#wow#they're uhhh#it's a bit too r/fnatic for me#why do so many fans of things hate talking about the thing with any kind of depth#like i wanna get into the mud of shit i'm a fan of#i will spend hours there#i shall ramble#r/bangtan... god forbit anyone have an opinion other than copy-paste “wow this is good and everything is wonderful and twitter is bad :D”#could we... perhaps go a little further than this? maybe discuss something a little?#uh no we don't do that here sorry :)#'tis weird fellas 'tis weird#i mean that's the opposite of r/fnatic tbf#there it's “wow this is awful and it is x's fault and we hate them”#same thought process though#just mirrors of each other#anyway r/kpop definately a better place to be to actually talk about things#much saner people#ig if you go on a bts post on r/kpop it has to be because you're specifically intrested in that thing#on r/bangtan maybe it's just like#click on everything 'cos it's all bts?#idk#the dynamics of subreddits don't make any sense to me#how do you know if it'll be good or not#is there a code no one has told me about or something#bts
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sometimes you have a trigger that cannot be reasonably and easily accommodated for, because it would require the people around you to police themselves to an extent that is not healthy for them to do.
that doesn't make your triggers and your trauma any less real or valid or *deserving* of accommodations, but deserving does not necessarily always mean that those accommodations are possible.
sometimes the best way to handle your triggers is to recognize what triggers you and do what you have to do to handle them when they come up. find coping mechanisms that work for you, and as much as you're able to, be open with the people in your life about it. even if they can't make sure you never have to interact with something that may trigger you, they can be a support system for you to ensure you'll survive the blows as they come.
it's not always possible to avoid what triggers you and it's not always possible for others to do that for you. (to be clear: i'm not at all saying people should *seek out* content that they *know* will trigger them or that they shouldn't remove themselves from situations that are triggering when they have the ability to do so, but that sometimes it's not that easy.)
(disclaimer: this is not psychological advice and i'm not saying this applies to everyone.)
#tentatively leaving this as rebloggable but if anyone is shitty in my notes i'm blocking people#multi makes text posts#to be clear also this is about triggers as in the psychological term#but really you can apply this broadly to other things as well#and this also kinda goes hand in hand with the idea that occasionally accessibility needs will conflict with each other#(i.e. someone with vocal stims vs someone who is easily overstimulated by noise)#neither person is in the wrong for having conflicting needs#and that's just the reality of the situation#just. i dunno i realized a bit earlier that [thing] may be an actual trigger for me#but it's also not something i can reasonably ask people to accommodate#because it *is* very specific and asking them to do so would require them to police themselves to a degree that would be unhealthy as fuck#i'm being vague here on purpose b/c it's not something i really wanna talk about publicly on tumblr dot com#and it's something i do need to talk about with my loved ones#but god yeah lmao it's hard to bring up b/c there isn't really a good solution#idk i'm just thinking out loud here#also to be clear it's not a trigger literally any of y'all could set off i think so you're fine don't worry about it#do not know what to tag this to be honest
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Well! Well. I shut off Oblivion. I went to annoy Lev in the astral. He has a body chilling on my bed reading something or playing with something or. whatever. Anyway. So I start making Poses at him again because something in my goddamn biology needs to fucking do weird ass bird mating dances at him at every given opportunity. My bed is right beside my desk, head of the bed and back of the desk are in a line. Im sitting at my desk physically. I'm like oh. Sudden strong spirit presence beside me! Said hi to Lev guessing he got up to watch over my shoulder because I closed oblivion and he was asking me about it (so he probably came to look) and then was like. Oh that's not you is it. Because. That's where my astral body is.
Yeah no that was me. Because I could turn around and look through planes into my faces.
It's not the first time I've had a strong presence in the astral! I do that every once in a blue moon. I've dropped the temperature and brightness of rooms before, the spirits possessing my body have felt me before in the way I feel them but
I. don't talk about this because I don't agree p shifting is a thing but this is dangerously close to p shifting type beliefs, but in my and my groups experience spirits can actually physically come here. All planes are connected, it's not about a Veil but about a huge magnetic gap between this plane and the others and it's huge polarisation that means you need a fuck tonne of energy to translate yourself into a body on this plane And to get back out of it so it tends it really just be gods coming here and generally as shit like animals so they don't get Spotted. Generally. I don't care if anyone believes me I don't talk about it for others - uh. double meaning there. I'm not talking about it for others now, and usually I never mention it for others' sakes. This is not about others
But I was thinking that. I get thoughts crossing my mind especially lately about "well if I had a fuck tonne of energy, could I be here in two bodies...." in the way of the theory of it. trying to understand more about how this plane works and whatnot. this.
This was the first time. looking at myself through planes. Where I was like. I have two bodies in the same universe. both real. both exist. both are me. This is not some abstract "I exist and then the astral is some foreign place" I was in another body as real as this one on the fucking other side of the veil and I felt myself there. Like I've felt myself in the astral before, but now I'm like. spirits are not vague fucking things. I know they're real i Know the theory but I never let myself KNOW the theory
#~abyssal murmurs#Heehee hoohoo Im very aware my own fate bodies caused this 3-5 days of no meds so I could feel shit again bc they're numbing af#And I have so many plans for ways to wake myself the fuck up#S //#Diary //#Also. Real shit. Don't learn from me I'm not a teacher. If you want to know if spirits can do this work with them and form good solid#relationships with them. specifically powerful gods. To the point they'll let down so much of their ''no your worldview is definitely#correct'' and also just become something important enough to spend THAT much energy on and see if it's a thing#If you can't do that? You can't know and I can't expect you to believe me#Anyway. When I talk about gods walking the earth it's not necessarily this it's generally more they just didn't hide#when they incarnated. But also. Lmfao. Anyway. Also it's not a grand conspiracy I'm directly referencing memories of the gods I work with#because politics are so complex now they can't really be seen doing it. It's not that the ancients were sacred it's that now is politically#uh. oh boy. politically a fucking 10000 sided chess board#Including with the implication of that many sides needing 10000 colours and those being hard to tell apart for both players and opponents#Anyway. It's not the focus of this it's just me on a journey#astral diary //
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