#God it could be so good. So good. And I'm not talking about in specific to me‚ which yes that too given the topics‚

[boredisthyintrovert]

THIS IS A LOU WILSON APPRECIATION POST

Lou Wilson is so goddamn creative and genuine in how he plays his characters, but right now I'm specifically going to talk about episode 9 of mismag 2

HIM FUCKING HANGING OFF OF HIS BROOM ONE HANDED it's just so goddamn unhinged and I love it. Lou not even mentioning it at first and just having his hand up like that and Aabria having to go "What is this? What are you doing right now?" was so fucking funny

Nicknaming the "goat that knows things" G-Dog. It's. I can't. it's so casual and familiar and actually I'm going to hijack this post for a second with more Sam love. Sam Butler/Black/Britain asking the goat of knowledge for his phone number was genuinely amazing and I hope they stay in touch. Also shoutout to K for having an extra burner and giving it to the Qohlye so they COULD keep in touch. All around amazing plays

Wings. Oh my god that was the realest thing ever. If I also had the magic power of "change my body" wings would also be the second thing I would do. Simultaneously it's also just so out of left field just to be like "I don't want to fly on a broom anymore because it's embarrassing, I want wings."Like JAMMER?? You have to go home like that. Imagine for a second your good friend Whitney says "yeah im a wizard" fails to do what seems to be the simplest magic, leaves the country, and then literally the next time you see him (likely less than a week later) he is half a foot taller, has giant ass wings which allow him to FLY, and is also connected to the concept of creation magic, so like, he's just jesus now?? I think?

he still goes back to take care of his mom after all this :)

[rebouks]

Do you have any recommendations for starting a story? Yours is so good and it really inspires me to try and make one of my own but idk where to start

Hmmm a tough question! I think we all just kinda start and learn as we go? It's the best way tbh.. if you look back at the beginning of most simblr stories they've usually come a long way! Here's a couple tips that I think might be handy tho...

Maybe we could start a thread and everyone could reblog this with their own tips?! 🤩

Decide if you want to build your own lots/sets or not. If you do you'll probs wanna start off with the main places you'll use that're full of personality, like a main characters house or place of work etc. you can always download some neat lots and edit them to your liking if you're not a builder, or maybe even download a whole save file!

Start a character page (or make an intro post for em if you can't be arsed with the technicalities) - not essential but useful for you and the readers to keep track of who's who and maybe state a few facts about them etc.

Start collecting some poses and ideally rename them so they're easy to find! I personally like to add smth like [PETS] or [KISSING] etc to mine (in s4s) in conjunction with twistedmexi's pose finder to make things easier to grab.

If you use reshade/gshade, taking the time to find or create a nice preset will save you a bunch of time editing.

For the love of god if you're gonna make a bunch of extras, try and dress them in maxis clothes/hair.. I'm so SICK of having to redress everyone every time I clear out a bunch of cc skjdksj 🙈 you can always give em an extra, fancy cc outfit for specific scenes on the day but yeah, do yourself a solid where possible to save time/pain in the future. Same goes for lots you don't use often, try and limit the cc you use!

Figure out if you're a planner or not! If you can't manage without a plan it's okay to take some time before starting to figure everything out and get a detailed outline going. If you're more of a pantser (like me!) you can always just get going with a rough idea in mind and see what happens!

If you're gonna go with the flow I'd still recommend creating at least a rough outline, you don't have to stick to it like glue but it'll probs help you stay on track and I wish I'd have done this in the beginning, esp if you're gonna have a plot heavy story.

Characters > plot.. (imo!) like.. you could have a super interesting plot in mind but if no one really knows or cares about your characters it's gonna have a limited impact/amount of interest. They don't even have to be likable lmao

Give your characters some flaws! It's fun and it makes them more relatable.

Start with a small cast - not a complete must but it'll be probably be easier for people to get to know your pixels if they're aren't a million of them right off the bat. You can always add more later.

Try not to shoehorn your characters into situations they wouldn't end up in just to further the plot.. a hard one to explain and mostly based on intuition but if a scene feels boring, out of place or forced, it probably is! aka.. be willing to kill your darlings. Maybe you've already established that your character is poor or smth but have this fun idea of a road trip montage or whatever.. like you can't just give them a car and the money to drive a million miles just cos you HAVE to see that scene y'know? Maybe they're gonna have to hitch hike, get the bus, or take out a loan? Probs a bad example but hopefully you get the idea! It can sometimes be more fun to force your characters into a different situation than you imagined anyway, like maybe they meet someone really neat on the bus and they join the trip, or maybe whoever they borrowed money from gets all pissy when they can't pay em back quick enough etc etc.

Let your characters guide you - sometimes characters talk to us! You could've had a whole storyline planned for them, or a romance of whatever, but when it comes down to it, it just doesn't feel right and that's okay! Let them lead you in a different direction now n' then.

Write for you! (ugh becca stfu with this shit) I know, I know but really.. if you're not having fun, what's the point? Don't write what you think other people want and learn to be okay with cutting ideas/scenes/characters/whatever! that you aren't excited about anymore. It should never feel like a chore to create, and if it starts to feel that way, take a break or change it up!

I feel like this is super rambly and I've missed a million obvious things but my brain is mashed potato rn lmao.. pls feel free to add your own tips in a reblog or a comment - everyone has a different take on things! I think it's really important just to start and see what feels natural tho 🤸‍♀️🧡

[geddy-leesbian]

A Miracle Too Good To Be True (one-shot)

Leon exits the elevator, expecting to be confronted by yet another abomination that mutated itself beyond recognition. Instead he's greeted with a miraculous sight for sore eyes, an old friend that must be in Valdelobos for the same reasons Leon is.

But sometimes you have to be wary of a miracle too good to be true.

(This isn't a first draft but also isn't quite the final version either. Eventually I'll post a more complete version of it to AO3 that's more polished and has more of the Krauser fight on screen, as well as a longer conversation at the end. I'm just too excited to wait to post this 🤭)

-

Leon would be lying if he said he wasn't annoyed when the elevator doors opened and he saw that Luis wasn't alone this time. Even though she was small and huddled in a corner behind Luis, who was shaking the container with the suppressant and talking, Leon's eyes were drawn to the little girl immediately because she stuck out like a sore thumb. Leon may have been inclined to think she was Luis's daughter if it weren't for the fact she looked nothing like him. She looked nothing like anyone in Valdelobos. She was the first child, dead or alive, that Leon had seen during the mission. Her hair was a bright red, and her skin was pale; not the sickly pallor complexion some infected took on, but simply the healthy pale shade that tends to come packaged with red hair. Leon couldn't get a good look at her face, but he could see that her clothing was also unusual. She wore a bright yellow raincoat that appeared to be too big for her small body and a pair of pink sneakers. Nothing like the dreary old clothes he'd seen on Valdelobos's other residents.

Leon wasn't upset at the girl, nor was he annoyed by her specifically. It was just that an extra person meant another layer added to his already difficult mission. Get Ashley back from Saddler. Protect Luis so he can remove their plagas in his lab. (While Luis wasn't exactly a basket case, he's still not the greatest in fights.) And then, protect a child. A child Luis was tight-lipped about, only saying that her name was Lucia, they had to take her with them, and that she wasn't infected. Leon accepted it, but he still wasn't happy about the new wrench in his plans.

But much to Leon's surprise, Lucia's presence didn't interfere with anything. Half the time he forgot she was even with them. During quieter moments she either walked behind Luis, clinging to him like glue, or rode on his back. When there were fights that couldn't be avoided, she ran away from Luis and found a crevice or nook she could squeeze into, only coming out of hiding when the sounds of gunfire ceased and Luis called out that it was safe.

Luis wasn't entirely useless either. He didn't contribute much when they were just fighting ganados, but once they started running into invisible bugs, Luis was suddenly more useful than Leon. Leon heard buzzing and looked around, scrutinizing and shooting at rocks, shooting into the air repeatedly like a madman, and nothing happened. Luis heard buzzing and after just one or two shots from his Red9 a bug would suddenly become visible and then fall to the ground, dead.

Somehow they made it to the elevator miraculously unscathed. Lucia didn't have a scratch on her, and the only injuries Leon and Luis acquired were superficial and easily treated with herbs.

“Okay, Luis, time for you to finally give me some answers,” Leon demands after he's treated his wounds, reloaded his arsenal, and gotten the elevator moving. “Talk.”

“Lucia was an Umbrella test subject,” Now that Leon really has him against a wall, almost literally, Luis drops his frustrating habit of dodging questions and isn't beating around the bush at all. Lucia is standing in front of Luis, and he covers her ears with his hands as he starts to talk. Leon almost laughs. The kid's been watching them brutally fight their way through the mines, seeing god knows how many ‘people’ die in gory ways, and yet Luis is trying to shield her from a conversation. “She was an orphan Umbrella scooped up from foster care. The parasite implanted in her was a slow growing one, it would take years to fully mature. So it was decided she needed to be treated differently from other test subjects to ensure behavioral issues wouldn't be a long-term hindrance. I was her… handler, for lack of a better word. I pretended to be her adoptive father and built a relationship with her, that way she wouldn't resist procedures or tests if I reassured her. At least, it was supposed to be pretend. I was too soft for the job, I got attached and actually did love her as a daughter. I left Umbrella when her parasite was nearly mature and she would die if I didn't remove it soon. I managed to smuggle her out. I promised her she would never be anyone's experiment again. I promised that, once I removed the parasite implanted in her, there would be no more needles. I promised she would never be a test subject again. That's how I ended up working for Los Illuminados. It was a real deal with the devil type of situation. Saddler said that if I didn't work for him, she would be given to another team to use as a test subject. But as long as I worked hard, he wouldn't let anyone touch a hair on her head. What was I supposed to do? If I left the village with her, Umbrella would eventually find us and I would be murdered and Lucia would be at the mercy of evil scientists again. And if I stuck around here but refused to work for Los Illuminados, same thing. They would take her away from me by force and she'd become the newest test subject to torture. Working for Los Illuminados was the only way I could keep my promise.”

“I still don't get you though. Why are you helping us? You just want to keep your… daughter safe and get out of here, why not just do that now instead of staying longer to help out me and Ashley?”

“Because what I did was selfish. I worked for Los Illuminados just to save my daughter. I contributed to the deaths of hundreds to save a single life…” Luis pauses and looks away from Leon for a moment, trying to wrangle his thoughts. Suddenly he looks like shit– or maybe he's looked like shit this entire time and Leon just hasn't looked closely enough to notice until now– regardless, Luis looks weathered beyond his years. There's far more gray in his hair than a man of his age should have, there's dark circles under his eyes, his face is gaunt and ragged… It's a shocking contrast to the little girl in front of him, with her wavy red hair, pale skin with a healthy pink tint, and full cheeks. Leon is sure that at least some of Luis's worn appearance can be attributed to him regularly skipping meals to make sure his daughter never went to bed with an empty belly. “At the time, I felt justified. I never made any promises to keep the world safe, I made a promise to keep her safe. But still, maybe it was wrong. Maybe saving hundreds of lives would outweigh the wrongness of breaking one promise. But I can't turn back time, I have to live with what I have and haven't done, and helping you is my way of-”

Lucia suddenly slaps Luis's hands away from her ears.

“Monster! Outside the elevator.”

Leon looks at her skeptically, and Luis explains. “The thing about her being an Umbrella test subject? Yeah, she's got a sixth sense that senses BOW's. That's how I was able to shoot all those invisible bugs easy, she told me where to aim because she could see them,” Done addressing Leon, Luis kneels down to talk to Lucia. “What kind of monster?”

“Not the ganados or bugs, someone like… Méndez? Saddler? Not them, like them.”

“Great. I was starting to worry that we'd make it outside without having to fight one more mutating freak,” Leon quips, double checking that all of his weapons and herbs are ready to go. “You stay in here, I'll go check it out.”

“Major Krauser?” Luis hears from within the elevator. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Luis is aware of who Krauser is. He doesn't need to ask Lucia if the man Leon is talking to is the monster she's sensing, he knows that Krauser was host to a dominant plaga. What he doesn't know is how Leon knows this guy. And what Leon doesn't seem to know is that this guy is, in fact, the BOW Lucia warned him about.

“Long time no see, rookie.”

“What? Why are you here?” The dominant tone of Leon's voice is still disbelief, but there's also a hint of relief to it. “Are you on some other top secret operation to stop Los Illuminados that no one bothered to tell me about?”

“Were you really all by yourself in that elevator, pretty boy?” Pretty boy? Luis already had enough questions, he did not need to hear that. He dares to poke his head around to catch a glimpse of what's happening. Krauser slowly circles Leon, eyeing him up and down like he's a piece of meat. “I wanted to see my pretty boy again, but that was just a nice bonus. I came down here to recover some stolen goods, and kill the rat that took them. I thought he was with you.”

“You mean Luis?” Krauser's back is currently turned to the elevator and Leon glances over his shoulder at Luis who is gesturing wildly, making a knife slicing motion against his neck. Leon seems to pick up all of Luis's intended messages. “I killed him. Found out he was Umbrella, and you know what those assholes did to me and my friend, so I killed him.”

Luis feels a wave of relief wash over him. Leon understood Luis's message, and he's playing the situation perfectly.

“Just like that? You really snapped and killed him that easily? That doesn't sound like the rookie I knew,” Leon's hand inches towards his knife. “But maybe you have changed. How about you show me what you're made of now?”

Luis readies his pistol, and then watches helplessly as Leon and Krauser begin to fight. He wants to help Leon. It's the first time a fight has truly been neck and neck. Luis was used to watching in awe as Leon decisively won every fight, watching a fight with no clear winner made his stomach churn. Leon should be sweeping the floor with this guy like usual. He wants to step in to tip the scales in Leon's favor, but both of them are moving far too fast for Luis to get a clear shot. If they're still talking, Luis can't hear it over the clanging sounds of knives clashing.

He whispers to Lucia to turn around or go back into the corner of the elevator, but she doesn't listen and continues watching anxiously. Luis doesn't argue further, he can't risk drawing Krauser's attention to himself and Lucia. Right now Krauser believes that Luis is dead and Leon has no one to back him up, he's not going to throw that advantage away.

Eventually Luis gets an opportunity to act. Krauser has Leon on the ropes. He's dangling over the abyss, and will fall to his death when Krauser takes his knife to his hands that are desperately holding onto the edge of the platform. Luis springs out of his hiding spot, shooting a volley at Krauser's hand and hoping at least one hits its target.

Krauser isn't as surprised by the “surprise” attack as Luis hoped. A bullet does appear to graze his arm, but he doesn't even flinch, let alone drop his weapon.

“I knew I smelled a rat,” Luis at least accomplished his main goal, Krauser's attention is now focused on him, giving Leon time to climb back up onto the platform. “And I knew that rookie wouldn't have had it in him to just cut someone down.”

-

As the arm around his throat tightens and his vision begins to blur, Luis desperately prays to a god he doesn't believe in that Lucia followed his instructions and stayed in the elevator and wasn't watching all of this. But suddenly Krauser releases him from the chokehold and shoves him to the ground. Not prepared to do anything to break the fall, Luis groans in pain as his body hits the ground, and there's a crunching sound as his glasses are smashed between the ground and his face. But broken glasses are the least of his worries…

“You know what, rookie?” Krauser walks over and puts a foot on Luis's back, lest he start thinking there was even a chance he could get to his feet and flee. “Killing this rat was my job, but I think I'll let you do the honors instead. Come finish him off. Think about what his employer did to you and your friend. Think about what he did to us in the jungle. You remember. All those things Javier sent at us were from Umbrella Europe. Come get your revenge. Then you and I can settle our score on a more fitting battlefield I've been preparing just for you,” Leon takes a step towards Luis, and Krauser takes his foot off of Luis. “That's right. Come finish him, then I'll be waiting for you in our arena.”

Luis hopes that Leon is considering the offer. Neither of them are in great shape, Luis can't imagine a situation in which they both leave alive. The best he can hope for is that Leon comes and kills him, buying himself some time to patch himself up, get Lucia from the elevator, and then fight Krauser with better odds than he has in his current state.

Suddenly Luis hears and feels a heavy object hit the ground a couple feet away from him. Luis opens his eyes in time to see another object, a brick, come hurling towards Krauser, making contact with his shoulder. Leon and Krauser both look confused.

Lucia. It must have been. A normal girl of her age wouldn't have been able to throw a brick that far, but Lucia isn't a normal girl. Luis looks up at the platform where he left her, and up at the various crates, but doesn't see her. She must have hidden herself. Hopefully Krauser can't see her either.

Finally a third brick hits, and it's a bullseye, bonking the top of Krauser's head. Krauser's far too tough to be incapacitated by a single brick, but he is annoyed.

“I don't have time to play with some brick throwing coward who won't show his face!” Krauser yells. “I'll be waiting for you, Leon. Your little friends are welcome to come to the battlefield too, but they'll have to show their faces and play fair.”

The moment Krauser vanishes from sight, the only people who exist in Luis's world are him and Lucia. He ignores both his own injuries and Leon's as he scrambles to his feet and rushes to Lucia, who came out of her hiding spot. He fusses over her for a couple minutes. He knew that Krauser didn't touch her, but it didn't stop the paranoia. Then he heaps the praise on her for her quick thinking and bravery. Once he's satisfied that Lucia is okay, he finally turns his attention to the slumped over Leon, kneeling on the ground next to him. 

“You better not be dying on me. I watched you walk off a chainsaw injury, a few stab wounds aren't going to keep you down,” Luis says, looking over Leon and then readying some supplies to tend to his wounds. Leon's eyes flutter open and he, for reasons he will choose to believe are related entirely to some blood loss clouding his mind and the emotional impact of seeing Krauser again, finds himself looking up at Luis and leaning up to kiss him. Luis gently pulls away and tries to focus on the wound on his shoulder, the rejection making Leon pout. “We can do that again when you're not at risk of bleeding out, okay?”

Leon mumbles out a yes and lets Luis focus on tending his wounds, the worst of them being stitched up by surprisingly delicate hands, the rest getting a can of first-aid spray. Then he gets Leon to eat a few herbs. It's only when he's done that he realizes he had an audience, Lucia sat cross legged with a concerned expression a couple feet away.

“Is he okay?”

“He will be, princess,” Luis reassures with a pat on the head. “He just needs a bit of rest.”

“Yeah, I'll be fine,” Leon says, already a bit perked up from the herbs. “Thanks to you and those bricks. Me and your dad would have been toast if you hadn't stepped in.”

Lucia beams at the praise and scoots over, resting her head on Leon's uninjured shoulder. “We can rest here. There's no more monsters.”

Luis is shocked by her behavior, not only talking to someone but trying to cuddle. Due to her having spent the majority of her life in an Umbrella laboratory or Valdelobos, she was scared of people. Méndez had tried talking to her when they first came back to the village, before he was infected, but she wouldn't say a word to him and would try to hide behind Luis. Luis was the only person she wasn't scared of. But even though he wants to encourage this breakthrough, he doesn't want her to pester Leon. Before Luis tells Lucia to give Leon space, Leon gently pushes her head off his shoulder, but only temporarily– he moves his arm to wrap it around the back of the girl's body and then leans his head against hers. She's exhausted and can barely keep her eyes open. Luis makes himself comfortable on the other side of her and idly runs his fingers through her hair.

“Can you promise me something?” Luis asks after Lucia eventually dozes off.

“Depends.”

“If something happens to me, don't leave Lucia behind. I know you already have a lot on your shoulders without a kid to look after, but-”

“That's a promise I can make. It's not like she's deadweight, she saved our lives. We would have walked right into an ambush and Krauser would have killed us if it weren't for her powers. He would have killed both of us if she hadn't started throwing those bricks. She's a good kid.”

“What about me, Leon? Am I a good man? Despite the shitty life I've led?”

“If you're a shitty person, so am I. I'm not a government agent because I want to be. I was in Raccoon City that day,” Leon doesn't need to say the date, Luis is smart enough to know. “I found a little girl there. She was implanted with G. I got her a vaccine, we got out of the city just in time. Then the government came and ‘rescued’ us. We were taken into custody. They told me Sherry was valuable because of her infection. They had scientists itching to experiment on her. But I was valuable too, surviving Raccoon City showed I had a lot of potential. They told me that if I worked for them, they wouldn't experiment on Sherry. So I did, even though I had learned the government aren't the good guys. I've killed people who hadn't done anything wrong because the government told me to. I've been on missions with an unnecessarily high amount of civilian casualty because the government didn't care enough to minimize who was caught in the crossfire. Every time I rescue someone, I wonder if I'm actually rescuing them or if it's like when I was rescued and I'm just taking them from one nightmare to another. But I just keep following my orders, because Sherry will get hurt if I don't. A lot of people are dead or fucked up because their lives meant less to me than Sherry's life.”

“Shit,” Luis's eyes start tearing up. “I haven't even thought about what the hell I'm going to do when we make it out of here. What will happen to her.”

“I won't let the government get their claws into her, I promise. Don't know if you've heard of the BSAA or TerraSave, but they're organizations who deal with bioterrorism and victims, and aren't following the US government's orders. I've got friends in both. I'll write down contact information for you. You'll have to take Lucia and run before the helicopter comes to get me and Ashley to make sure you're not on the government's radar.”

“That's a disappointment-” Luis cuts himself off, wanting to reword his statement. “No, that doesn't sound right. It's a relief there's help and hope for a safe future for Lucia and I. But it's disappointing that you're not in that future. I wanted more opportunities to kiss you when we're not filthy and injured.”

“This isn't something I can promise, but maybe I'll try and take a look at my situation again and see if there's any way I can get out without putting Sherry in danger. If I'm ever at a point where it's safe, I'll find you again.”

[grimm-bot]

I don’t see the parallels between Mable and Ford and Dipper and Stan. Can you explain cause i’m really curious now.

ok ok ok so. im not gonna cite any specific sources sorry im too lazy to go back but i promise you ive watched the series too much for it to be healthy

mabel and ford are both very much similar people. they're both very artistically talented, mabel made a lifelike sculpture of stan so you cant deny this one - they also both have very similar personalities, they're extremely blunt when talking to others and outwardly weird and proud of it, they just express it in different ways. i mean how many times has mabel directly called out dipper for doing Stupid Shit in the same way Ford has to Stan ? like at least three times. at least thrice. and theres definitely a parallel between mabel embracing being a weird little girl and making sweaters every day, eating toothpaste and whatever the unicorn creature from DDAMD was - she could choose to act normal, but why in the world would she ever? and ford not having that choice, so he pursues research of the supernatural to try and find a place for himself amongst the strange and unusual. both are also called out on by society for being strange - mabel just stands up to her bullies a little better than ford does. its also important to note that neither of them socialize normally at ALL. its just that mabel is so confident in herself that when she goes up to you and says HI I'M MABEL MY EARRINGS ARE NACHOS WANNA BE FRIENDS? you're like hell yeah!!! they are!!! lets be friends!!! theyre both so trusting too which leads to them being directly screwed over by bill, it isnt their fault at all but he STILL DOES IT. plus they both briefly dated a supernatural fish creature, and had an absolutely TRAINWRECK of a relationship that altered how they'll approach their future ones - mabels was with gideon, and fords was with bill.

and hoooo their twin. stan directly sees some of his younger self in dipper, most notably in dreamscaperers, which is why he tries to toughen the kid up. the two of them also solve a lot of their problems with Punching. as soon as dipper loses access to the journal he starts swinging. bro jumped off a cliff to punch a massive robot in the eye and also swung at a massive triangle god. he was NOT hesitating he just started swinging, exactly what stan does!!! and its for their twin. soooo much of what the both of them do is in pursuit of the goal of keeping their twin safe or getting them to safety. dipper sticks up for mabel against Pacifica exactly how Stan did for his family in Gideon Rises. they're also VERY intelligent + resourceful, and can fly by the seat of their pants with random information, stan rebuilt the portal with about a third of the blueprints and with zero funding, and dipper is shown doing complex math in an instant and using what little info the journal has on various threats to thwart them - part of this is also social intelligence. mabel may be a social butterfly but dipper and stan know who to trust and when and navigate their relationships extremely carefully. theyre also hella good at convincing people to do what they want - dipper redeemed at least two people by just talking to them, the only difference between the skill they have with words is that stan uses his to convince people to keep coming back to the mystery shack so he can make money, and dipper uses his to get people to fight back against injustice. i also dont think i need to tell you how insecure the both of them are in their identities. thats not even getting into the themes of self sacrifice

sorry this was long but tl;dr: a cutiepie wearing sweaters with a book vital to the plot whose eccentricities define them, and a smart&sly guy who has a way with words, with a front meant to hide their insecurities. okay was i talking about mabel and dipper or ford and stan in that order

[tiredassmage]

veilguard thoughts!

rook + solas parallels edition

spoilery ofc because my head's not full of cotton balls today and i haven't stopped chewing on it all since i finished the game! so! this is a little endgame heavy; you've been warned for what's below the cut <3

the final first playthrough counter has come in just over 67 hours and i am all but physically holding myself back from launching right into another one with another rook because i had a blast. i'll concede it was a bit heavy on the exposition in the first several hours, but what followed has certainly won my heart, and i think the game is visually beautiful.

but i'm not even looking to do a full review here, but i think one of the most fascinating things this game did was set up rook and solas. so, two parts of preface then: one, i was a little determined to love this game and hoped it would at least perform decent. that's my spite about it, lol, but that's not the point, so we're not here about that. two, one of my admitted concerns when they had first announced this game having its own protagonist was... that i wasn't sure there was another person to finish solas's story other than the inquisitor, and this isn't a solavellan thing for me, though my beloved canon inquisitor is a lavellan. solas's friendship wasn't the biggest hitch in inquisition for me, but it was important to my inquisitor. he wanted to prove his friend wrong.

i don't believe hallaren had a plan at the time for how to achieve that. he wasn't sure it was actually possible to convince solas the dalish were not as lost a cause as he seemed to believe, but he had to try.

and when i started veilguard, i wouldn't say i'd have anticipated the parallels of solas and rook, nor how well they ended up working for me. i admit: they got me. i didn't see that twist coming. and the hindsight of losing varric from the beginning makes a lot hurt (i say that as a compliment). i think it's easy enough to explain why i didn't see it, why (my, at least) rook didn't puzzle it out, but i also readily admit i'm historically bad at seeing these kinds of things, so you're free to be amused on your own time, lol.

anyway. regret. not becoming what you hate, what you claim to fight against. not being beholden to what you were or what you've lost. the game hits these beats several times, and i think its a real beautiful repeating thing they've done if you hammer all the companion's stories with the main deal, and i did the memories of the dread wolf as well. rook and the inquisitor have a conversation about it that about touches on all of it way more eloquently than i could summarize.

and, of course, part of the reveal is solas did dabble with blood magic on the matter of varric's death, did set rook up for the level of regret and grief they must settle with to trap them in the fade - a prison fit for gods, a prison fit for a god's regrets.

and this is where i transition into blorbo-specific thoughts. because i think part of what fascinates and delights me so much about the rook and solas, potentially two sides of the same coin deal is how tyr's relationship with solas starts and then develops.

tyr does not trust solas from the outset. which i think is where a very interesting presentation of similar (at their roots) choices begins, as varric says: in a bar, as all good stories. one of the first story notifications we get is how rook chooses to handle the bar owner: charm your way out, or a more direct approach, and we're told varric takes note of this.

varric's own plan is an appeal to solas's nature. to talk his way out. as is varric's way.

normally, i'd call tyr the kind of character (having played with him as an oc in various medias for oh... going on 2 years, is it? maybe 3? time's fake, different post) to also prefer talking his way out. but he doesn't believe solas will listen. so he rebukes varric's plan of just waltzing up and charming him with his babygirl eyes.

then at d'meta's crossing, he spares the mayor. not because he doesn't hear the concern that the greedy bastard will fall to said greed again, and not out of an entirely conscious mandate for live with the consequences of your actions, but... in hindsight with other choices, i'd argue it's... from at least a little of that kind of place.

he tries and fails to reason with the first warden. several times. in the heat of weisshaupt, and with the recent conversation with solas about whatever it takes on his mind, he ends up decking the man. the stakes are too high for risking the first warden staying on his high horse again if another attempt at reason fails, is the driver of the decision.

i'd chewed for a while on how that would seem to make tyr's commitment to "talking things through" indicated by that first choice in the bar inconsistent. it all seems justifiable at the time, and he didn't get to the place with the first warden he was out of intentional malice, but he still wound up there.

much of that is natural by the circumstances he was presented. by making calls with the information and under the conditions that were present at the time, as anyone, not just rook, would have to do under such circumstances, if they traded places. sure, some of it is also by solas's engineering of his conversations with rook. by setting them up to be a leader asked to make those hard calls. maybe even for arguably goading them a bit into a situation where whatever it takes was their only feasible option. which neve has a great comment on:

this is, i think, most directly about varric's death, but also, personally, i have to say is applicable for solas's intervention during blood of arlathan.

so, back to blorbo for a moment. tyr begins from a place that mistrusts solas's motives. the I'm quoting you here, "lies, treachery, and rebellion" kind of mistrust. and then, as things progress, as the team unveils more about solas's past in the crossroads and through the murals, it circles back to what I think motivated much of his comment to varric that talking with solas wouldn't work: that even if solas has any regret for what's happened, he's too stubborn to concede, too trapped by the mistakes of that past to ever admit fault, to hear himself sound like the 'gods' he claims to despise. tyr continues to take solas's advice into consideration the whole time, true, because it's... hard to discount the only potentially close to the problem kind of advice and knowledge they don't... exactly otherwise have themselves. he's not sure what the other shoe dropping in that equation is going to look like, but he's more convinced it'll happen than he is entirely happy with the situation.

the murals create... a hunch. or develop it. that rather than just being too prideful about the harm he'll cause by tearing down the veil, that solas is trapped in this plan by his regrets and guilt for actions of the past. at that point, tyr... has a better understanding about how they got to this point, but it kind of only solidifies his reservations that solas might actually be reasoned with.

the one moment this is changed, then, is during blood of arlathan. because frankly i think that was one of the worst experiences tyr has in the entire game. elgar'nan's influence in their minds, and an incident where they're trapped with no conceivable way out and potentially facing down an archdemon again, not so long after weisshaupt that the losses have stopped aching.

whatever his reasons or motivations and whatever else happens, solas saves their lives. tyr can't find a way around that one, and he's not even certain he wants to. because it's one of the definitive moments where he didn't have a plan, and he was terrified the tables had finally turned against them, and they'd fail.

it's not... trust. but tyr's also spent all this time working with his team on this concept that change shouldn't exactly be beyond anyone if there's a little effort put in. and whatever his own feelings are, varric wanted to believe in his old friend, and so does the inquisitor - both people he respects greatly, and he's constantly calculating their desire for a better outcome into the rubix cube that is trying to figure out how to stop the gods.

the problem then, is that solas all but instantly takes advantage of this... lapse. this faint relaxation of tyr's guard against his manipulations. that whole little incident with the fade after ghilan'nain's fall is all but immediately after, and its a betrayal nearly thrice or so over in rapid succession: that varric's been dead this whole time, that solas has manipulated him and how he feels responsibility for the team and the regrets that arise out of having to make hard choices, especially in times like these, and then on the other side of the fade, that solas has gone to minrathous, solas is playing "hero" about it all in tyr's and the shadow dragons' backyard. and to add salt to the wound, in minrathous, it's been blood magic all along.

and, y'know. solas says sorry, says he won't tear down the veil by his own hand, but hands rook the weapon to do it for him. sets them up again. so maybe that's more like... four or five times, depending on your count and categorization of it all.

and rook has a choice about all of this to make, a certain level of peace they have to make with it all to even get out of the fade. and how much to follow varric's advice about don't become what you hate - what you were fighting all along, or trapped by what you lost.

here's tyr's opinion that solas has more than likely been beyond reason because he's too far gone on his own path to even see that he's done exactly that: that he talks like elgar'nan's control, he's just dressing it up in a different way. that he's trapped by what he's lost and sacrificed and admitting that will be too much.

and here's tyr's inescapable bitterness of having been betrayed, of having spent so long trying to be careful with the god of trickery only to have danced right to his tune the whole time. a fiery emotional response for a threat to his home, to minrathous that he's tried very hard to protect and leave a smidgen better than he found it in this whole fight.

by circumstance... and by a little of solas's own design then, rook and solas confront the same trouble of what sacrifice being a leader demands. what cost is too high? how much is too much?

i had the pieces at that point for the ending with mythal, but now i had tyr bitter and a bit more resentful about solas - in a kind of pain about betrayal that was still asking why? about it rather than worried about if regret was present or meaningful. which is where this came from in my head akdfnas;dfnsadf

you're both thinking it. and the endings directly focus on whether or not solas succeeds in tearing down the veil, but the thematic part of it, to me, was... do rook and solas recognize where they might be held back? does tyr act on the pain and resentment of betrayal and swing blindly at solas as repayment? or is it bigger than both of them? is it about posing the question to solas about regret? how much is it like what drove solas to this point to act on that resentment? is it just retaliation? or did either of them learn anything from that prison in the fade?

and that's what makes the parallel, and it's what sets them apart.

and that's how, still, in the end, i have tyr who is willing to choose trying to reason one last time. for the sake of the advice of an old friend. for the people that brought them this far, the ones who chose to believe against the odds. and maybe, even, a little bit for himself. a choice against letting regret and resentment rule.

for the sake of it and because i couldn't get this game out of my head, i checked out the other endings, just to see, and i... think i like sticking with convincing him the best for both of them.

the trick with the dagger swap i think is the only other fitting course of action tyr might've taken from that point, and i think some of its elements reflect similar beats here about... learning from the past, if you will.

the accusation of likeness to the gods is still there. the banter about wits. i am a fool who finally met his match. one might argue that's for underestimating rook, which... fair enough, but i think... it also falls in line with solas's regrets, the appeal to be made to his nature, the... want, in the end, to be proven wrong. to find a 'better' way, as once he suggested to the inquisitor, and as mythal's release from debt and rook and the inquisitor's forgiveness, if you will, finally allows.

and that is... very satisfying to have said between them, when it's been on tyr's mind the whole time. and... they can both be proven wrong this way: for tyr, that solas wasn't beyond listening, and for solas, that there was another way.

for both of them that they could move on from what these trials have made of them, what they have done, and what they endured.

and man... man that was good. and so, so satisfying. it worked, veilguard. you sold me on these two as parallels to each other.

and that's just... one of many things in this game that gave me a lot of emotions, but this has already been. a helluva ramble, so if you've made it this far, congratulations and i salute you, lol.

i'm sure i'll do it all over again and have even more thoughts about even more rooks to throw around and chew on with this and what it'll reflect about each of them and that's. MMM. that's delicious. i loved this game. if my brain and time cooperates, i'm sure i'll have more thoughts and maybe even some writings for it in the future, we'll see where the blorbos take me. xD

[morrigan-sims]

And I forget sometimes I'm just flesh and bone.

As he stands in the ruined bathroom, all Rook can think is, At least now I can breathe.

[deiaiko]

#19.3 Unravel

It had been some time since Agni felt this nervous. Not even talking with Jinsung Ha recently had made him feel like this. He fiddled with the mask on his hand as he waited for Grace to come back. He had thought hard on how to deliver the news, but he knew that no matter how he phrased it, Grace would be upset. Velt nuzzled under his palm and Agni gave her a few pats, before deciding that she would be better inside her bowl in his lighthouse, just in case the shinsu acted up around Grace after he received the news.

Grace came back wearing the comfiest shirt and shorts Agni knew Grace liked to wear on lazy days. He joined him on the floor, and they ate dinner together. Agni always finished last, so while waiting for him to finish his meal, Grace told him about his day with Bam. Grace was intrigued by how much his way of thinking had changed, and how glad he was to be able to be by Bam's side when he was having a bad day. It reminded Agni of the hidden floor, when Grace faced his sworn enemy.

They left the used bowls on the coffee table and went to brush their teeth. Afterwards, they turned off the light and went upstairs to sit on their bed. Grace's curious gaze never left him, and Agni curled his feet nervously.

Grace was the one who broke the silence. "So…what is it?"

Agni's breath hitched. This was the part he dreaded most. "I talked with the crocodile earlier. Did you know that he could manipulate stone already?"

"Huh." Grace needed a few seconds to let the information sink in. "Didn't Rak learn it on the Hell train? How does he know it?"

"Turns out our crocodile also traveled back to the past like us. He found the young crocodile and taught him."

"What?!" Grace gasped, wide eyed. "That means our Rak is–!!"

"He's dead." Agni quickly snuffed out that hope. They had been in delusion for long enough; it was time that they faced the bitter truth. "He suffered a fatal injury from the explosion. He couldn't have lasted long without proper help." Agni omitted the actual cause for Rak's death, but still kept his words true. "I'm sorry."

"…Oh." Grace looked lost, just like Agni was. His lips parted a little, but they closed before any sound escaped.

Agni gently squeezed Grace's hand, encouraging and comforting as he let the silence stretch on, giving Grace some time to process the information.

"Agni…" Grace whispered, "do you think Hatz and Isu…?"

Agni bit his lip and avoided his gaze, as the nightmare of that day replayed in his mind. He witnessed Hatz get his arm ripped off when trying to protect him. He could still recall the clang of a sword hitting the floor, and Hatz's suppressed scream that gnawed deep at his guilt. He witnessed Isu get beheaded after being taken hostage, the memory of warm blood painting them both still vivid like it happened yesterday. 

Agni refused to acknowledge their possible deaths, because it felt like a nightmare that one day he could hopefully wake up from. He avoided the topic when Grace brought it up, so he wouldn't have to say it aloud and make it real. He had been so hard on himself, because he couldn't get rid of the feeling that he had failed Grace and everyone else involved.

Agni knew this had to change if he wanted to live better, now that they had gotten a second chance. So he swallowed down the lump in his throat that had built up over the years and asked mostly to himself; "What are the odds of their survival?"

"There's always a chance–"

"Grace." Agni looked him straight in the eye. "They were already severely injured before the explosion hit."

Grace fell silent and went still.

Agni felt a pang of guilt upon witnessing Grace's reaction. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap." Agni fiddled with his hands. He realized that he didn't know how much Grace knew of what happened. "My scar…do you know how I got it?"

"I…was told it was from the family heads' battle." Grace looked thoughtful. Agni knew he was trying to be careful with his words. "A stray attack?"

"It could have been worse." The memory of the scorching heat on his skin felt like it had only happened yesterday. He passed out right when he was about to heal Isu, and only found out later that he also lost sweetfish at that time. The days he spent recovering from the burn, to withstand the excruciating pain every second he was conscious, and finally coming to terms that it'd be a permanent scar, was one of the turning points that had changed him forever. Were Grace not there to care for him, he might have ended up destroying himself even more.

Agni hadn't realized he had his left hand clawing on his cheek until Grace pried his hand off and frowned, "You're doing it again."

"Maybe I should wear the mask…" Agni muttered to himself. After all, Grace gave it to him less so he could hide the scar but more to prevent him from unconsciously hurting himself. The only time he could safely take it off was when Grace was around.

Agni bit his lip nervously when Grace didn't reply. He no longer had the courage to look Grace in the eye that spoke so much concern, so he leaned close and rested his head on Grace's chest. "Rak, Isu, Hatz and Hwaryun were trying to get me out of that damned place. But we were caught while escaping, and…it was a bloodbath. I was…too occupied to react to the incoming heat. Rak shielded us from the explosion. And when I woke up…"

"They weren’t with you," Grace finished it for him after Agni trailed off a moment too long.

Agni nodded dazedly, "I've been telling myself that they're still alive, after a blow that could kill rankers. But…who am I kidding? I was lucky enough to survive with just this little–" Agni vaguely pointed to himself– "inconvenience."

Agni felt a hand gripping his arm, and he pulled away to see Grace looking at him with a pained expression. His eyes were glossy and his lips were pulled into a thin line. Trusting his instinct, Agni reached out to gently trace and cup Grace's cheek with his free hand.

"I'm sorry," Agni muttered. "I'm sorry, for not telling you sooner."

Agni silently witnessed tears that streamed down on his love's face. It was a bitter sight that Agni wished he'd never have to see again, that he had tried to avoid for so long by not telling him. He pulled Grace in and held him close to his chest, as if Agni was trying to gather his own crumbled heart back together.

Grace mumbled their late best friends' names as he held onto him tighter, shaking from each breath he took between sniffles.

Agni felt his own eyes sting with unshed tears. He remembered the years he spent climbing the tower together with his old team. Despite their banter being his source of headaches, Agni knew he too had come to acknowledge them as his cherished friends. Only when they were gone did Agni realize how much he'd miss having them around. Seeing the younger them didn't exactly close the gaping hole in his heart, but at least the emptiness was more filled.

Agni squeezed Grace tighter. "We have their younger selves with us now. We will protect them better this time."

Grace only nodded and sank further into his embrace. And Agni planted kisses on his hair, relishing the thought that after everything he had gone through, Grace was still a constant in his life. As long as he had him, everything would be okay.

When Grace started shaking again, Agni caressed his hair and hummed a comfort song they had known by heart. Still, it didn't make falling asleep any easier for Agni, especially not after admitting that his nightmare was very much real. However, as he had been through grief…this, too, would pass.

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[enhanced-operatives-division]

Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble

I will not be brief, all under the cut

To clear some things right off the bat:

No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.

Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality

The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.

This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.

Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:

Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.

All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.

Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).

And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.

At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.

I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.

Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.

This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.

It shifts something between them.

From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.

As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.

Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.

Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.

I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.

I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.

I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.

As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.

I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.

Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great

[longagoitwastuesday]

Every day I am haunted by the fact JJK could be amazing but it will be just idk Bleach or something

[autumnoakes]

hyperfixations really will have you imagining a 2 hour video essay on some white guy video game character huh 😪

[skrunksthatwunk]

aurghhh ok still rewatching '97 and the way guts and casca only have the room to breathe and really come to understand and care for each other in griffith's absence because he has such a strong hold over them both.... and the way their mutual dedication to him is what causes them to bicker for years (casca thinks he's not serving him well enough, guts thinks she doesn't get that he cares/how much he cares, casca's jealousy over griffith's feelings for guts, how he won his heart without even trying or being aware of it or doing anything with it) and is also a big part of what brings them together (earlier when guts deviates from the plan to save griffith and she commends him, in the cave casca opening up about griffith and her's past, showing that vulnerability, while it's mostly confrontational, leads to guts kinda getting her better, and his efforts to save and protect her (falling off the cliff with her, taking on the 100 men so she can escape, encouraging her to return to griffith so she can help him because it's what she feels she's meant to do (her dream, the direction in life guts shares and yet is questioning because of griffith's speech at the fountain, whether or not it's enough to serve him if it means he'll never be a true friend in griffith's eyes because he's not an equal), supporting the idea of her being with griffith/being his most important person like he won't because he doesn't view it as a competition like she has been since day one) leading to her realizing that he's kind of not that bad a guy and they have a lot more in common that she thought. and how the bonfire of dreams conversation is guts opening up to her in kind, the answer to her talking about how griffith saved her, how she feels. how neither of them ever call it love but it's something they know they both have for griffith. how it's something they're beginning to have for each other, different in ways they couldn't put a word to. because they're equals this time. the way griffith kind of becomes less and less important as they find other reasons to live and fight, as they become less singularly obsessed with him. how griffith is unable to stand it, guts' personhood, that agency and peer-to-peer equality he claimed to want (and perhaps truly did) that disappeared guts from his life, his plans, his side. how it barely even matters to griffith how casca changes because he never wanted her like she wanted him. god i can't fucking stand their shakespearean nonsense drama (<- hopelessly in love with their interpersonal dynamics)

[averlym]

whshdfhfjf.,,,

[smile-files]

this might be a hot take... but if you care about disavowing media made by bad people out of fear of looking like a bad person yourself more than you care about actually doing good things... you might have your priorities (and your morals) screwed up a bit :/

(see my tags for more of my thoughts on this topic! please try to avoid making make bad-faith assumptions about what i mean!)

[lys-jeorge]

.

[blackvahana]

Well! Well. I shut off Oblivion. I went to annoy Lev in the astral. He has a body chilling on my bed reading something or playing with something or. whatever. Anyway. So I start making Poses at him again because something in my goddamn biology needs to fucking do weird ass bird mating dances at him at every given opportunity. My bed is right beside my desk, head of the bed and back of the desk are in a line. Im sitting at my desk physically. I'm like oh. Sudden strong spirit presence beside me! Said hi to Lev guessing he got up to watch over my shoulder because I closed oblivion and he was asking me about it (so he probably came to look) and then was like. Oh that's not you is it. Because. That's where my astral body is.

Yeah no that was me. Because I could turn around and look through planes into my faces.

It's not the first time I've had a strong presence in the astral! I do that every once in a blue moon. I've dropped the temperature and brightness of rooms before, the spirits possessing my body have felt me before in the way I feel them but

I. don't talk about this because I don't agree p shifting is a thing but this is dangerously close to p shifting type beliefs, but in my and my groups experience spirits can actually physically come here. All planes are connected, it's not about a Veil but about a huge magnetic gap between this plane and the others and it's huge polarisation that means you need a fuck tonne of energy to translate yourself into a body on this plane And to get back out of it so it tends it really just be gods coming here and generally as shit like animals so they don't get Spotted. Generally. I don't care if anyone believes me I don't talk about it for others - uh. double meaning there. I'm not talking about it for others now, and usually I never mention it for others' sakes. This is not about others

But I was thinking that. I get thoughts crossing my mind especially lately about "well if I had a fuck tonne of energy, could I be here in two bodies...." in the way of the theory of it. trying to understand more about how this plane works and whatnot. this.

This was the first time. looking at myself through planes. Where I was like. I have two bodies in the same universe. both real. both exist. both are me. This is not some abstract "I exist and then the astral is some foreign place" I was in another body as real as this one on the fucking other side of the veil and I felt myself there. Like I've felt myself in the astral before, but now I'm like. spirits are not vague fucking things. I know they're real i Know the theory but I never let myself KNOW the theory

[multi-lefaiye]

sometimes you have a trigger that cannot be reasonably and easily accommodated for, because it would require the people around you to police themselves to an extent that is not healthy for them to do.

that doesn't make your triggers and your trauma any less real or valid or *deserving* of accommodations, but deserving does not necessarily always mean that those accommodations are possible.

sometimes the best way to handle your triggers is to recognize what triggers you and do what you have to do to handle them when they come up. find coping mechanisms that work for you, and as much as you're able to, be open with the people in your life about it. even if they can't make sure you never have to interact with something that may trigger you, they can be a support system for you to ensure you'll survive the blows as they come.

it's not always possible to avoid what triggers you and it's not always possible for others to do that for you. (to be clear: i'm not at all saying people should *seek out* content that they *know* will trigger them or that they shouldn't remove themselves from situations that are triggering when they have the ability to do so, but that sometimes it's not that easy.)

(disclaimer: this is not psychological advice and i'm not saying this applies to everyone.)