#Glad I got this done before the update came out though :)

[rokeas-finest]

Welcome, Folly.

[sserajeans]

just for a moment

hanni pham x fem! reader

synopsis: you and your co-star are tasked to make a song for your web drama's soundtrack. your co-star happens to be a childhood friend whom you've had history with.

genre + others: lsrfm! reader, idol au, childhood friends to lovers, friends to lovers, fluff, second chance ish?

notes: not requested, PLS READ THE LYRICS IT'LL MATTER!!!!, how i look delaying yail update 😂😂, also yes another hsmtmts inspired oneshot, pics from @/wiotas

"what do we even fucking write about?"

"y/n..."

"sorry..."

how did you get here? glad you asked!

it's the year 2025, and a team of producers at hybe are on the works for a minor project: a web drama promoting support for the lgbtq+.

you've talked about how odd it was to your best friend, and groupmate, yunjin.

"probably good for publicity, girl. like 'make everyone know we're not homophobic!' kinda thing." was all she had to say about it, which was likely true anyways.

you were convinced the casting was done at random honestly, but it was obvious they wanted a mix of groups to garner more attention. and that landed you the lead role with, you guessed it, ms. hanni pham!

why you two when you each had members who fit the actress role better? well, that's where you thought the random part came to play.

filming wasn't much of an issue. you were comfortable with hanni, and you two worked well on and off screen, just as expected considering your history. the director even pointed out your "remarkable chemistry", but she didn't have to know why it was that way.

as a matter of fact, you guys were about to wrap up in a few days. it was a wild past couple of weeks, but it was nice to get to spend more time with hanni again.

i mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like you two cut each other off when you moved to korea, but the talking definitely decreased, and the filming made up for lost time!

now, on one of the last days of filming, your respective managers sat you two in a conference room together, and dropped the news that you'd have to compose a new song just for the web drama's soundtrack.

the task in itself didn't bother you at all, and you were sure it didn't bother hanni too. you two were experienced in songwriting and composing, your names on a couple of song credits to count, so this was actually much easier than acting.

the issue was that you had enough going on for certain... feelings to resurface.

you see, the plot of the web drama hit a little too close to home for you. i mean seriously, childhood friends with feelings for each other, but couldn't take things further due to complications, then having to work together acting in some play.

it sounded a lot like your story.

hell, they even had your character do swimming! the same sport you excelled in back in australia.

the only reason nothing has gotten too awkward on that note yet, was because of your other labelmates being there like boynextdoor's leehan, minji and danielle, even your fellow members kazuha and yunjin.

with them around, you got to reconnect with hanni, but with a couple safe boundaries! now that you two were tasked to work on something alone though? you were scared things were going to be different.

so that's what brought you two here, together, in the music room. hanni seated facing the table with a pen and paper, you on the floor with your guitar in hand.

you were strumming to any chord shape that could come to mind in hopes of finding a melody that you could build off of, and hanni was tapping the end of her pencil on her forehead for any word, lyric, or rhyme that could work.

nothing came.

so engrossed in your respective tasks, the two of you didn't notice a shadow behind the translucent door, so when a knock came, you levitated off the floor for a millisecond, and hanni let out a soft yelp.

"hey you two~"

huh yunjin.

"how are my besties doing!" she came in doing a little dance, first walking over to check on what hanni was writing before landing on the floor beside you.

"we're stuck." you muttered, head against the wall behind you.

"oh... i see." yunjin shrugged her eyebrows in confusion, because she had just came from peeking over at hanni's notebook and was 100% sure she had lines written down.

"well, let's see... you got the genre down that suits the two of you so there's that. romance obviously sells, so there's that too. maybe you guys should try... writing while in character?" yunjin did her best to help the two of you, as the mutual best friend and seasoned singer-songwriter. "or if there's an experience you guys have had before, that would definitely help. real raw emotion ya know?"

"anyways," the eldest huffed and got up from the floor, messing up your hair and hanni's before heading for the door to leave the room. "i gotta get going. you two don't come home too late okay?"

you and hanni nodded before resuming. after a couple minutes, you realized that maybe you two will have to be communicating more if it meant writing a song together.

"hey han, do you have anything written?" hanni froze for a second before turning around on her chair.

truth was she did. she wrote them down specifically as yunjin started telling you two to write based on experiences.

"i... uh... kind of? just a couple lines, i don't know how i feel about them though."

"can i take a look? might help a bit."

"oh yeah... sure..."

there was a hint of hesitance in her voice, but it'd look awfully suspicious if she scratched out lines right before you'd check.

"ah..." the initial reaction was surprise for you, and a million thoughts came racing through your head.

"yeah! it's nothing much... but i figured it was better than nothing...."

"no yeah! for sure! i'm kinda getting the vibe, wait here." you turned around and picked up your guitar from the floor and took a seat beside hanni. "uhm... okay let's try... this?"

you freestyled a riff on your guitar, allowing your fingers to move on its own to play what felt right. it resulted in one of the most simple yet enchanting melodies that seemed perfect for your song's intro.

"hey that sounds perfect! i love it!" hanni cheered and gave you a thumbs up. "okay so... since you're doing your little guitar intro, perhaps we have the first line written in your character's point of view?"

"sure... okay... uhm..." it took you a couple seconds to think of something, or to get in character on the spot. but then you remembered yunjin's advice.

an experience you guys have had before.

"uh... how's this..." you fiddled with your hands as hanni nodded along, telling you to go on with your suggestion. after about half a minute, you had a two-liner with some sort of melody that matched your guitar intro. "i fell in love with the only girl who knows what i'm about."

hanni froze for a second, which didn't go unnoticed by you, but continued nodding along as she wrote down the lines. "i like your voice in this genre."

"oh..." you looked up from your guitar and faced her side profile as she was still facing her notebook. you felt your face warm a little, but not too much for it to gain color. "that's a lot coming from you. i have your lee mujin service episode on loop."

hanni smiled, a sight you'd never get tired of seeing. "a fan, huh? which part's your favorite?" she turned to look at you, a smirk on her face to mask the flustered and proud version of herself having received praise for her work from you of all people.

she continued writing a line underneath yours, a sudden burst of inspiration coming over her.

"probably lucky."

of course it's the song about being in love with your best friend.

she chuckled at your answer. hanni wasn't dense, and she knew you weren't either.

okay maybe you were, just slightly, but you pick up on context clues.

but point is, she knew what that implied, and what everything that came between the two of you the past few weeks could've felt like for you.

but just as she was getting somewhere, her train of thought was interrupted by your "burst of epiphany", as one would call it.

"oh hey, hear this out. i think it sounds like chorus material." you tapped her shoulder and positioned your hands across the frets of your guitar. you sounded a lot happier, more energy than you did earlier in the day as you finally got a feel of what to write and play.

when we're underneath the lights, my heart's no longer broken, for a moment, just for a moment

in that moment, hanni's mind rushed with too many emotions. objectively, the melody was beautiful. your voice made it better, the guitar felt like it had a voice of its own, and the lyrics. god, the lyrics.

she knew for sure you felt what she felt.

the two of you stayed in that music room a couple more hours, discovering a new type of comfort in a person the other has always known. like reading a book you've had forever, and feeling a newfound joy in a character that has always been there.

by the end of the day, you and hanni seemed to have switched roles, your guitar in her hands, and her notebook in yours.

you were finishing up a final copy of the first half of the song along with chords in case you'd forget the sound. there was also a copy of the both of you singing on your respective voice note apps. (which, unbeknownst to you, would be on repeat for hanni later that night.)

"here we go." you sighed, it took a lot of effort trying to make handwriting like yours legible. you've always hated it. teachers back in elementary all throughout high school would always mark your papers low despite almost flawless answers, just for your handwriting.

"i've always liked your handwriting..." hanni muttered as she admired your written work, unknowingly smiling to herself.

"oh.. thanks. i've always hated it."

"i know." hanni looked up at you, observing the sheepish smile on your face. she knew all about why you hated it, and she understood, but to her, it was an art. a part of you. she thought, "that's why i like it."

there was partial truth into that. besides it being a funny add-on to hanni's compliment, it's always been her thing to love stuff about you that you hated, even if it was something as small as handwriting.

back when you two were together (or whatever that was you had back in australia before you left, neither of you stuck a label on it), she'd always talk long speeches about how your handwriting was an art. something so significantly you that you shouldn't change, and that even if you hated it, she'd love it twice as much in place of you.

as you two shared a couple more laughs, a notification popped up on both of your phones. yours first, then hanni's a second later.

a snort accidentally escaped your system as you read the texts. "sorry.. is it yunjin?"

hanni let out the loudest laugh before nodding and exchanging phones with you to read what the older sent to the other. it was the same message in different forms, panicking to get you home before chaewon freaked out and took it out on yunjin, then proceeding to fear minji and her "wrath".

despite laughing at your member's worry, the two of you stood up to pack up, which really didn't take much anyways. you slid your guitar in its case, hanni hid her notebook in her bag.

walking out of the room to the lobby together side by side was probably the most stomach-churning activity of the day. and you literally had to write a love song about each other with each other. but there was something in the way it felt when your hands touched.

as you reached the part of the building where you finally had to part ways, the two of you faced each other. both expecting something, but not quite sure with what they were expecting.

"i.. uh... it was nice to reconnect today." she started off, awfully awkward at it too.

"yeah... it was..." you smiled, hand reaching for the back of your neck to scratch. a nervous habit. "i'll let you know if i think of anything tonight."

"yeah, same here." hanni nodded back, though a pinch of disappointment evident on her face. maybe she was expecting more, or maybe it was too soon. "see you tomorrow?"

"yeah... see ya." you slowly turned around, head racing.

should you say something? should you save it for another time? would it make things awkward tomorrow?

screw it. live in the present, right?

"han... for the record, my heart does still stop when i see you."

[zorrasucia]

"Just sleeping and fucking all day," I AM DEAD!!! and i revived just to BEG you to expand on this please i just love them so much 😭

I'm so glad you liked it, Anon! I came up with something but I'm like 90% sure it's not what you were asking for - I aimed to write more smut and it turned into saccharine fluff somehow. I apologize. Rest assured that the next update for this fic is business as usual, very spicy and contains Carmy finally ******* ****** :)

Teach Me Tonight - Deleted Scene 2.0

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Deleted Scene] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] Deleted Scene: [Part 8]

Reader x Carmy Berzatto (The Bear FX)

Rating: Mature (1k)

Tags: Set sometime after the opening of The Bear, Smut, Virgin!Carmy, Fluff, Miscommunication, Domesticity

"Hey, baby," Carmy mumbled with a smile, rolling over in bed and looking at you with sleepy eyes.

You had padded into the room and leaned over to kiss his neck, waking him up from his third nap of the day. In between, you had fucked - slow and loving, then quick and hard, then a mix of both. You felt tired in the best way - and still somehow you wanted him. But you could wait.

"Shhh. I'm not here for another round," you soothed, moving a lock of hair out of his face. "Got us some pizza," you settled across from him, laying the box between you.

He sat up and ogled you shamelessly. You were wearing jeans and one of his shirts, your nipples showing through the white fabric.

"You're gonna be the death of me," he shook his head and focused on the slice of pizza you handed him instead.

"I mean," you gestured at him, his naked torso and satisfied smirk, "likewise, Carm."

You shared a hungry look while taking a bite of pepperoni. He broke first, looking up at the ceiling, away from you.

"How's it feel?" he asked.

"Mmm?" you nudged his leg with your foot.

"You come like two, three times when I can only do one and be just useless..." he blushed, curiosity tinting his skin. "I was just wondering what that was like, if all women were like that."

You smiled. Sometimes you forgot that he was a virgin before you.

"A lot of women can, uh, come multiple times," you explained. "If it's done properly, if you work for it," you cleared your throat. "Some women can't come at all."

"That sounds, uh-" Carmy struggled.

"Miserable?" you supplied and he nodded. "It can be. But sex isn't always about coming, you know? It's about being close and getting to know each other."

Carmy hummed pensively.

Just now, between one round and the next you had fallen asleep still intertwined, spent, his arms around your waist and his softening cock inside you. It was nice, to be so close with zero expectations of it going anywhere.

"What've you learned about me? With sex, I mean," he asked, his blue eyes wide.

"That you're giving, uh, determined, a fast learner," you pondered for a minute while you chewed. "A bit of a control freak but we knew that from before," he chuckled. "And you think you don't deserve good shit, even though you do."

"Pretty spot on," he let out a shaky breath.

You caressed his calf over the bedsheets. It felt strange to be talking about this but it had been a fucking weird day, and discussing orgasms with Carmy while eating pizza fit right in.

"You're a great fuck, Carm," you said softly. "And that takes patience and care and- I love that you want to make me feel good. I do," his gaze was downward and you reached for his hand. "I just don't want you to think you need to be perfect for me here too, you know? There's no pressure."

Carmy nodded and his eyes met yours, he gave you a soft smile.

"Thanks," he brushed your knuckles with his thumb. Then his smile turned mischievous. "Just to be sure, you do like coming though?" he looked for confirmation, head tilted.

"Yeah," you laughed. "Obviously, yeah," you poked at his side and reached for another slice of pizza. "I'm just saying there's no pressure, okay?"

"Okay," he took a big bite of crust. "You didn't answer my question from before," he prompted, raising his eyebrows. "How does it feel?"

"Uh. Well, you don't know how good it's going to be until you're coming. Sometimes it slows down, becomes softer. Or you get halfway through the next and get stuck there," you shrugged. "Sometimes it builds up, becomes more intense each time-"

"Like the last one?" he asked.

You blushed - the memory of him on top of you, his chain dangling near your mouth, his hands holding your wrists above your head, taking up all your thoughts. He had fucked you through your first orgasm until you saw stars and your moans turned into cries of pleasure.

"Exactly like that," you replied bashfully like it wasn't you that had begged him to keep going and fuck you harder.

"How many have you done?" Carmy asked after a while.

"Huh?"

"How many times you've come in a row?" he repeated, that calculating look back on his face. "What's the max?"

"I don't know, five?" you laughed nervously. "I think you're getting the wrong message from this, Carm."

"No, I know," he shook his head. "I was guessing we could start with all that 'no pressure' thing tomorrow. And I think I still have one more round left in me today, so..."

"What the fuck, Carm?" you giggled.

You covered your face with your hands, hiding how flustered you were.

"I'm serious," he said, amusement still showing in his tone. You finally uncovered your face and looked at him. He was smiling but he wasn't joking. "I don't know how to be calm," he explained. "I don't know how to fucking relax and be normal. I never have. Being with you- That's the closest I've come to that," he said softly. You cupped his face tenderly. "But sometimes it gets so crazy that the only thing I know I can do well is make you feel good. That's why I can be a control freak and competitive and insane..."

You shushed him.

"You're fine, baby," you caressed Carmy's shoulders, scooting closer to him. "I love that you're all those things. I just- You push yourself to the limit. You can hurt yourself trying to make everything perfect," your thumb traced the edge of the dark circles around his eyes - all from early mornings and late nights at The Bear. "I don't want to be that for you - another weight, another thing that needs to be perfect."

"You're not," he whispered. "You've never been that, okay?"

"Okay," you sighed and surged forward to kiss him, his face between your palms.

Even after the kiss was over you stayed there, your forehead on his, and your noses touching.

"So," you said after a while, "how about we finish this," you pointed at the pizza, "and watch a movie?"

You had learned that watching a movie with Carmy was shorthand for a nap on the couch since he was always so fucking tired.

He chuckled against your mouth.

"I think I can manage that," he replied, guiding you by the hand to the living room.

~

[Part 8]

~

@th3h0nkz @faephoria @wadupppp

[muffinrecord]

Current Plans + Musings

I don't plan on playing Exedra to the degree I did for Magia Record, or playing it at all. Because of that, I won't be taking an active role in the community and archiving anything for it. Of course, if Exedra has like amazing gameplay and stories then this is all subject to change, but for now I think I'm done with phone games.

The two youtube channels will stay up and I'll check em periodically to make sure there aren't copyright strikes against the content. I've saved all my raw files, especially for the battle animations, so I can remake them in the future if the music ever becomes a problem for some reason.

Google Drive will stay up until Google rots away. I haven't recorded footage in a long time (as in stories, I do for the character doppels and such), but I'll upload things if they're sent to me.

Magia Union Translations still plans on translating things and making videos, especially leading up to the end, but also for after the game is over for whatever wasn't made in time. I'm not sure what form this will take in the future-- if it'll be manual captions added to the videos or not, but I know it WILL happen.

As for this blog, I'm not going to delete it or anything. However I'm going to be taking a step back. I'd like to say that I'll do liveblogs but I mean... *gestures at blog* I've been saying that for years and the only one I really did successfully was the Oriko one lmao. Ahhh oh well.

I'll have more words later, but it was really fun to be part of a fandom experience like this. I'm excited to work on my own original story projects though and quiet down a bit.

...

When I started this blog, I never expected it to have people actually read it. Or look at it. I just wanted a place to gush about how much fun I was having. I didn't even want to tag the posts with "Magia Record" at first because I was terrified people would be mean at me, haha.

But I'm glad I did. I made so many good friends through this game. I'm glad it existed. And it made me happy to have a place where people cared about what I had to say. Some folks actually got their news from here, can you imagine that? They had notifications turned on for this blog. My god.

Anyways, I'm going to be here for the next two months, and tomorrow I'll start reblogging fan projects and initiatives, plus general news. Maybe this blog will turn into a dumping site for art and fanfic reblogs, who knows. I might watch the remaining stuff and add various thoughts here and there.

Otherwise, you can find me on my main blog @malignmuffin, which only reblogs stuff (I don't talk much if at all there). I have another tumblr blog for my comic, but I think I'll reshare the name once I actually have content you can look at on it. It's pretty bare bones for the moment.

Actually it'll be funny if the end of this game is what makes me finally work on it again. I was in the process of working on it when NA came out, and it totally derailed me. Stopped writing, drawing, just focused on this silly little phone game. Now it's like those five years have gone by and I'm going back to where I started, except I think my lil comic is going to be a bit better than it was before. If I actually make it, that is.

If I ever do actually make my comic and start posting it, I'll be sure to update y'all here. hah

Anyways, thanks for being on this wild ride with me. The memories have been great, and I'm glad I had this experience, even if it had to end.

[instant-delusions]

OH MY GOSH are you a rafayel lover too 😭 i swear, i love him so much! and im happy that l&ds comnunity is growing here that a new ff of raffy is posted everyday when i refresh the tags! im glad u seem enthusiastic to accept requests 😔 my raffy brainrot is so bad i need my fix!

can i request? we know rafayel has some sort of "abandonment issues" and we know where it stems from and how it manifests (where he says mc can do what they want as long as they come back to him or let him know what they're doing 😭) and imagine that mc GENUINELY forgets bc she's tired from all the work as a hunter, and when she meets raffy again, he's quiet and she's trying to prod a word out of him but he won't budge cuz he's hurt 😭 and u can go on from there! aargh i love hurt/comfort so much.

happy valentines!! (in advance) 😔🎊🎂

YES rafa is my babygirl. my muse. my glubglubglub. my everything. HE'S SUPER RELATABLE TOO ??? HELP my abandonment issues are literally the same, I'm almost offended 😭😭💔 tysm for the request & happy early valentinesss 💓💓💓

ʟᴏ$ᴇʀ=ʟ♡ᴠᴇʀ !

rafayel x reader

cw: burn-out like symptoms, wounds/blood, arguing, cursing, hurt & comfort

𓆝 ⋆｡𖦹°‧𓇼

6:00 a.m., you skimmed over rafayel's last message and told yourself to reply later - of course, as fate does, a super strong wanderer appeared which occupied you for an excruciating, multiple hour long fight. it was night when you returned home, stripping off your uniform and throwing your gun on the kitchen counter. You barely made it to bed, soaking your sheets in a bit of blood before completely passing out.

it was noon when you woke up again and evening when you were done with your report and bandaging your wound. finally, you were able to check your phone, and it doomed on you. rafayel's message stayed unreplied. you scrolled down his other three texts.

𓇼 ⋆｡˚ 𓆝⋆｡˚ 𓇼

11am rafa: are u ok?

12am rafa: (y/n), can I come over?

1pm: are u serious? not this again.

𓇼 ⋆｡˚ 𓆝⋆｡˚ 𓇼

you furrowed your eyebrows in regret, but exhaled painfully right after. your wound opened again.

you were forced on another, quicker mission that night, but it still left you exhausted, your former wound nagging at you still. once again you came home late, passed out, and woke up around noon. opening your phone, there were no new messages.

quickly, you pressed the call button and were shocked to find the artist wasn't picking up.

�� ⋆｡𖦹°‧𓇼

5:00 pm y/n: hey, sry rafayel. work has been a lot lately.

5:01 pm y/n: I'm rlly sorry

𓆝 ⋆｡𖦹°‧𓇼

wincing, you sat down, your heart beating anxiously for some reason. 'what if this is it? I broke his promise. there's no reason for him to stay. it's fair, but I need him around. because...'

because you like him. it's selfish, you want him around although you barely fill his needs. suddenly, a very familiar dark cloud forms in your stomach and you feel depressed. deeming another relationship ruined by your work, you open social media to drown out the silence.

several hours passed until a knock at your door ripped you out your daze. quickly, you got up and open it. "rafayel." you say, his name coming out almost like a sigh of relief before you could register it. he was dressed in his white shirt, and white pants adorned with an intricate silver belt - he looked put together as always. you, on the other hand, were in an oversized tee, messy hair and deep eyebags with chapped lips. "hi." he simply greeted, making his way into your apartment.

you followed him, breathing anxiously at his unreadable aura. "listen, rafayel - I'm sorry, I wanted to reply and text you but.."

"you forgot." he replied, crossing his arms. there was a look of hurt and disappointment in his face. "it's not that simple." you argued, breathing in to continue, but he emotionally cut you off. "it is, though. (y/n), if you'd like me enough, a simple task like keeping me updated would be easy."

"rafayel. I like you, I like you a lot but..." you breathed in deeply, the harshness of his words getting to you enough to make your eyes teary. defeated, you sat down on your couch, burying your face in your hands. "these past days have been a lot, I could barely take care of myself and most of the time I was either fighting, passed out or tending to my wounds..." you trailed off weakly - due to your eyes being covered, you couldn't see rafayel's eyebrows raising in shock at your reaction, his arms slowly sinking.

"I swear if I'd have a normal life, I'd text you regularly, but it's not." slowly, you raise your head to meet his eyes - yours were puffy and red, tears streamed down your face. rafayel stayed silent, waiting for you to continue.

"it'd be selfish of me to wish for you to stick by me while i don't fulfill your needs, i know i'm not a good...friend. I try to do my best, rafa. you mean a lot to me, but i understand if you want to leave. you deserve someone better."

at this point, tears were streaming down your face freely, and soft sobs escaped your throat. rafayel lowered his gaze, afraid he'd sink to his knees and beg for forgiveness instead. after a while, he sat next to you, slowly intertwining his fingers with yours and brushing his thumb across your hand as he watched your body move with your sobs. "(Y/N), there is not a single part of you that is selfish."

gently, he holds your cheek and makes you look at him. his hand remains there as he continues talking.

"rather, it is me who is selfish. i crave your attention and validation, and feel hurt if i don't receive it. i'm sorry for being petty, i should've come over sooner. and..."

rafayel moves his hand to wipe away your tears and softly kisses your forehead, he smiles as he hears you breathe out softly.

"i could never bring it over my heart to part from you."

you gaze into his rich, magenta eyes and feel your heartstrings pull towards him. it's as if there were a bridge between your chests. closing your eyes, you feel your love for him blooming in the valleys of your bloodstream and bubbling out of your skin, and it weirdly feels as old as millenia, as if you'd known this love all your life, and all the lives you lived before.

"i'm glad." you smiled wobbly, "i feel the same." with a sigh, you leaned your head on his shoulder and let your body relax.

"i dunno how to feel about you calling us 'friends', though."

[ashleysmessyjourney]

22 Months Messing Challenge Update

Okay, so today I learned that 1 cup of coffee helps move things along and helps make me do my thang in my diaper. However, adding a glass of cranberry juice throws my tummy into overdrive and totally clears me out in a way that I don’t like. You ever feel like you totally clear yourself out then your body is like, “Go back to the potty right now cuz you’re gonna poo right now!” twenty minutes later?

Guess how many diapers I went through because of that? Four. Four diapers because each time I thought I was good. I waited in my third diaper after messing to make sure that I was as empty as I could be, then changed. I’ll give you one guess as to what happened next.

Since I have sensitive skin, I used gobs of Desitin rash cream down there so I could practice staying messy for longer and longer periods of time. I want to be able to tolerate being messy for a bit longer than I’m comfortable with because there may be situations in the future that keep me from changing as soon as possible.

I’ve started making notes of places that have bathrooms that are “safe” for me to change in, saving a long list of places on my phone with Google Maps for my local area. I wear plastic panties every time I go out if I’m anticipating a messy accident. Even then, I sometimes wear one just to be safe. Feeling safe, and using things to help me feel safe, have been really helpful in this challenge because it gives me the peace of mind to keep pushing forward. It’s been almost two years and I have not given up.

I know I need to get over myself and stop worrying about changing a messy diaper in public but it’s so nerve-wracking. It’s scary; just as scary as it was getting over changing a wet diaper in public. However, I’ve been searching for single room bathrooms where only one person can be inside at a time. Changing a messy diaper in a stall would just suck and be so scary.

I went out to a local Mexican restaurant with my parents last week. I’ve always loved eating nachos, especially if they’re drenched in queso. I’ve been eating them less and less as of late because I have a near-immediate negative reaction to them now. Yes, I know I’m stupid for eating them but I can’t help it sometimes; I just have a need to eat nachos. After we had finished eating dinner, my stomach was twisting itself into a knot so tight that I knew I was going to make a mess in minutes. With my home so far away, I was glad when they got up to go. I scurried back to my car with a slight waddle, praying that I would be able to make it home in time so I could mess in the safety of my home.

I didn’t make it.

It’s been getting really hard to hold #2 these last several months because I’ve conditioned myself to let my body take care of its needs. It’s what the diaper is for, after all, and I no longer view messing as a negative thing. I was able to make it to the fourth stop light from home before I tried to pass a little gas. I think you can guess what happened. Since I felt so much relief from letting some out, and since the light was still red, I lifted my butt off of the seat and pushed as hard as I could. The relief came almost immediately, though my stomach still churned like it was telling me I wasn’t done yet. I winced as I sat down in the hot mess, trying to keep it from squishing up front where my sensitive bits are. It wasn’t the solid kind of mess that I prefer; it was the complete opposite. 

I will admit that the sheer helplessness of the whole situation was a huge turn on. Being unable to keep myself from using my diaper like that, even though I fought hard and valiantly, was all useless in the end. My body knows that I’ve been wearing diapers for so long that it just knows by now that it can do whatever it wants and I’m fine with that.

I showed up to my home with a very full diaper. Thankfully, I had worn a pair of plastic panties, so I wasn’t smelling anything at all. I was super grateful that I didn’t notice any of my neighbors out and about; I would have avoided them like the plague at all costs if they came near me.

Lastly, I've been considering doing challenges to lessen my time since I have so much time left. I'm thinking about doing erotic hypnosis tracks that'll help keep me going in pursuit of my messing goals. Some may include messing on a trigger word, messing at night, and more. I'm still looking around. I was thinking listening twice would take off a week's worth of time and once the effect has taken permanent hold, I'd take off a month's worth of time. I want to keep this challenge fun and interesting.  

If you’d like to keep this challenge going, you can send me gifts to add time onto the timer. Check the pinned post for how much time stuff adds.

Wishlist

Thanks for reading!

Current Ending Time: April 11, 2026 (2 years, 10 months more!)

[fatuismooches]

SMOOOOCHES!!! hello sweetheart!! ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১

I hope you’ve been well since the last time I came on here!! (little update on my test results: everything came back clean except a few things came back indecisive but nothing to worry about! Chronic illness doesn’t seem to be getting any worse as of right now.) but asides from that here’s a little drabble as I was re-reading a few of my earlier drabbles from last year!

We know fragile!reader despises examinations and having to endure the painful injections every few weeks when Dottore batches up a new medicine. However, what if it backfires completely? Causing fragile!reader to be in an even weaker condition, barely able to move and clinging onto Dottore as tightly as they can. Perhaps running a fever, feeling miserable as they feel as if though their whole body is being pricked by thousands of needles as they shake from their fever. Dottore would try his best to not let his emotions show, but deep down he’s panicking and trying to figure out how he can cancel out the current “medicine” running through their body. To say Dottore feels guilt is an understatement, he knows that any medicine that they take can easily backfire quickly, but he never would’ve thought the symptoms would be so severe. :( once their condition stabilizes I like to think Dottore keeps them close for at least a few days, just to make sure everything is fine. Even if it means they’ll be all clingy to him, he’d rather they be safe and alive rather than induced in a coma once again.

A bit of fluff: I like to think Zandy definitely also tries to cheer you up after the whole ordeal. He’s not sure why you weren’t visiting or reading books to him anymore, other than that “you were busy with Dottore”, is what you had told him. But even the little baby knows you look more weaker (even if it’s been a few days, your condition had still worsened anyways). So perhaps he tries to draw you adorable silly drawings, and also show you his “safe” experiments. (Lest he get a scolding from Zandik or the clones again…)

‘m giving you so many chu chus n cuddles like always smooches hehe gonna make your cheeks all rosy pinky! <33 I hope you have a lovely day n spend it with a smile like always!

-from your dear boo boo bear 🎐 anon! ౨ৎ

HELLO MY DEAR 🎐 ANON!! Ahh I'm so glad your results were okay! I'm so happy for you and for getting through all of this! *hugs you* And I LOVE this brainrot! ❤️ I've always brainrotted about this idea hehe because angst of Dottore failing... teehee.

Dottore, being the skilled scholar he is, never fails to concoct new medications and treatments for you in hopes of creating something that sticks, along with the actual cure. These meds always go through a few rounds of testing, on his experiments of course (as you said before) but sometimes there is only so little that can be done. After all, your body is very different from the average person's. So, there have been times when the things he's given you didn't agree with your body very well, but they were never anything drastic. However, that was until this instance.

Dottore is a confident man. He's smart, he plans ten steps ahead, and things always go exactly as he orchestrated or predicted them to. So that's why he expected nothing different to be with this batch, maybe you'd have a few minor side effects that he'd note and so on, but he expected you to be fine, to then whine about how all of this was so much work, and he'd only hum at your complains to which you'd pout at. In the beginning, you seemed fine. Looked fine, your vitals were fine. But in a matter of minutes, when you got off the operating table, all of that changed, as dizziness and blurriness.

You tried to wave off Dottore's concern, observing your worsened state immediately, but your resistance was futile as your knees buckled, though your husband caught you before you could fall. Your skin was on fire, sapping away your strength as you couldn't even bring your hand up to stop your hacking and coughing. You try to speak but everything hurts far too much for you to muster your words, and you can barely process the muffled voices, footsteps against the floor, and hands running over your body (he must have called a few segments in too.) You pass out soon after, unable to see the blank look on Dottore's face, how his hands don't shake, how he is unfaltering and flawless in his steady work to counteract what he put in his body. Unable to see what only you can see - what he's really feeling underneath everything.

You don't wake up until a few days later, to which Dottore spent trying to figure out where he went wrong constructing this medication. If only he had been more careful, if he had run more tests, perhaps this may not have happened. Perhaps he wouldn't be the cause of your even weaker state. But even when you wake up, you just smile at him, assuring him that you're okay. You'd never blame him. Even though this was all this fault. He despises it sometimes, how you're so kind and forgiving. It's a weakness.

Sure, Dottore has a lot of work to be done, and having you around so much serves as a distraction to his work... but he'll let it slide. Just for a bit. At least it is a reminder to him that you're not permanently sleeping again.

Zandy, despite being left out of the loop many times, mostly due to your insistence that he not be burdened with your own troubles, can still sense something is wrong after a while. Yes, he's a child, but he's a rather smart one. And a very attentive one when it comes to his favorite person, you. He can see how much time you spend for "check-ups" with the segments and Prime now, far more than what it used to be... how you always look exhausted but force yourself to perk up and smile around him, assuring him you'll play with him "next time", even though numerous "next times" have passed. Zandy doesn't know the exact details, but that's okay, he can see what you're going through. So obviously he's going to try and make you smile! In the time he's not with you, he spends it doing all the things you like to do too. Drawing you two together of course, in a happy little house in Sumeru where the two of you play outside together all day with no worries! Maybe he even tried baking by himself to surprise you with something yummy (quickly stopped by a segment before he hurt himself or perhaps blew up the lab.) Maybe the child should take up sewing... maybe he can sew a little Puffttore squish ball for you! Oh, but you always told him to stay away from needles... well, it's okay if you don't find out until after the fact, right?

[kangshxrtie]

ch. 7 ⤍ calvin klein

you were laying in bed scrolling through twitter and posting on twitter. you had been laying there for almost three hours now when you got a facetime from kazuha.

"KAZUHA!" you greeted excitedly only showing your forehead on the camera.

"hey" unlike you kazuha was already up, dressed, and at her desk with her phone balancing on it. "did i wake you? sorry i thought you were up"

"no" you shook your head, "i need to get up now i've been on twitter the whole morning"

"i saw" she chuckled.

"oh you saw that..." you slowly set your phone down leaving it to look at the ceiling going to scream into your pillow.

kazuha just laughed in response and once you were done screaming you picked up your phone like nothing just happened, greeting her again. "so how's your morning so far?"

"it was great. woke up to some great compliments, really felt the love" she responded.

"that's great. glad i could make your morning great" you grinned sitting up in your bed.

"i would ask how yours was but i can already tell by this call"

"why are you even up so early? we had the same night last night"

"i have to edit and post some videos to my channel. you make an appearance by the way"

"oh, did you do me justice"

"you'll have to watch it and see" kazuha grinned.

"please spoil it" you begged.

"my reacting to seeing you for the first time is in there" she told you.

"wait there's a clip! why haven't i seen it?"

"sakura recorded it. it wasn't on live"

"now i'm scared" you said nervously.

"don't be it's a good reaction. i didn't know i was on camera so mine is more embarrassing than yours, trust" kazuha laughed.

"i get to see kazuha down bad" you exclaimed, "and for me, it's the best day of my life. i can die peacefully now"

"i can't wait to film this video with you" she said.

"already can't wait to see me again?" you raised your eyebrow at her.

"oh definitely i haven't stopped thinking about you since i first met you" she said sarcastically.

"i knew it, you're obsessed with me already" you joked.

"definitely" she joked back.

"i'm obsessed with you too kazuha if that makes you feel better" you said.

kazuha suddenly hid her face before saying, "glad the feelings mutual"

you looked at the time seeing it was almost 2:00 in the afternoon, "well i should probably get up now"

"yeah, and i have to finish editing this video, i'll talk to you later" kazuha waved goodbye.

"bye bye kazuha" you hung up the phone and screamed into your pillow once again after you were sure the call was over.

you took a couple of minutes to cool down before making your way out of your room into the kitchen to eat something.

"did you scream?" gaeul asked when you came into the kitchen.

"no, wasn't me" you denied.

"oh. it was really light and you have noise canceling so i assumed it was you"

"probably hyunseo. you know kids, plus her room is really far" you looked in the cabinet as you spoke.

just then hyunseo walked in.

"are you okay, i heard you scream?" gaeul asked.

"i didn't scream. it was y/n. i walked past her room when she did it" hyunseo told her.

"snitch" you mumbled under your breath.

"fine. i was on the phone with kazuha and i screamed after we talked. don't tell rei or yujin" you threatened them with a random straw you got off the counter.

hyunseo made a motion saying her lips were zipped and you nodded contentedly before pointing the straw at gaeul.

"i'm won't tell them as long as you keep me updated on what's going on with you and kazuha" gaeul said.

"nothings going on we're friends" you said.

"that scream says different" gaeul muttered.

"i'll agree though" you finally put the straw down.

"is this why rei calls you down bad?" hyunseo asked.

"don't listen to rei. she's a bad influence" you told the younger girl before making your way into the bathroom to get ready for the day. you would eat later.

ALL CHAPTERS !!! | NEXT CH !!!

i need friends to play games with

[final-girl96]

STOLE HEARTS CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Author's Note: It has been forever since I updated this, and I apologize.

~♡~♡~♡~

A WEEK LATER

I sat in the kitchen at my dad's house. After what happened with Eddie I went home and packed as much shit I could get in my car and came straight to my dad's. He wasn't home though; he was on his tour with the rest of the band. So I was here alone. Drowning in my own thoughts; replaying every word Eddie had said to me. I would have stayed in our house but when I told him not to bother coming home it only produced more harsh words from him.

“Well, congratulations, Eddie, you're a free man now. You can go fuck whoever you want and get as drunk and high as you cold icy black heart can handle. I'm done. We're done.” I began to walk towards my car, but stopped and turned back around. “oh, and don't bother coming home. I'll pack your shit and you can go live your life the way you want since I'm such a bitch.”

“Technically, sweetheart, that house is mine. I bought it and it's in my name. So you should be the one to leave.” His words were slurred but still very clear at the same time. “Don't need you anyway. Not when I can have any girl I want. Only used to get where I am now! Stacy is hotter than you and has a better pussy!”

I couldn't stop the tears that fell down my cheeks. He was drunk and didn't mean it. That's what I tried to tell myself. But you know what they say, “drunk words are sober thoughts.” I got in my car, went back to the house, grabbed as much as I could fit in my car, and left. I came to my dad's and the flood of tears I've been holding back that I've been holding in since the hideout. I cried until I fell asleep and when I woke up a few hours later, my eyes were still sore, red, and puffy.

It's been like that on and off for a week. I would cry until I fell asleep, then I'd wake up and force myself to eat something. I haven't gone anywhere or done anything either, just been curled up on the couch or in my bed all day. I didn't bother getting dressed, favoring pajamas or sweatpants and an oversized sweater. I'd slowly make my way into the kitchen and make myself eat something at least once a day.

Today I wore a pair of black sweats and one of my dad's sweatshirts, with a pair of wool socks. I was making my way downstairs when the doorbell chimed through the house. I stopped halfway down the stairs, my heart stopped for a second before picking up and hammering against my ribcage. I haven't heard from Eddie at all since I left that night. I was kind of disappointed and sad he didn't try to reach out, but at the same time I was glad he didn't. I was frozen on the stairs not wanting to check and see who it was; afraid it might be him.

What would I do? What would I say? What would he say? Would he try to apologize? Or would he beg for me to forgive him and give him another chance. Say that he didn't mean everything he said? The doorbell rang again followed by someone pounding on the door. I slowly moved down the stairs and towards the door. The person on the other side pounded on the door again and I moved faster, coming up to the door, and peaking through the peephole. Who I saw was someone I never suspected to be at my doorstep. I unlocked the door and pulled it open.

“You look like shit.” The door was pushed open and they pushed their way into the house. “Excuse you! You can't just barge into my house like you own the fucking place!” I closed the door. “Hargrove!” I walked after him, finding him in the kitchen sitting the bags of food on the counter. “What are you doing here? What the fuck is that?” He started to go through the cabinets. “Hello?”

“It's chinese. Where’re the plates?” I pointed to the cabinet to the left of the stove. “Why are you here?” I asked. He grabbed a couple plates, turned, set them down, and began to pull everything out of the bags. “Thought you'd want company. Also figured you probably haven't been eating much of anything other than ice cream. You women are pathetic after a breakup or any little inconvenience.” I raised my brow at him. “Excuse you? I have eaten more than ice cream, not that it's any of your business and I don't need comp…”

“Honey chicken?” I looked at him confused and he raised his eyebrows at me along with an annoyed look. I nodded my head and he proceeded to put a little over everything on the plates. “Sit and eat.” I sat in one of the stools with a sigh. “I didn't need any company.” Billy stayed standing while he ate and scoffed. “Are you going to tell me that you haven't been curled up in your bed crying all day for a week?” I shoved rice into my mouth and rolled my eyes. “No. Sometimes I lay on the couch,” I said with a small smile forming on my face. Billy scoffed out a laugh. “Oh well, excuse me.”

Silence fell over us for a few minutes while we ate our food. “Why are you really here, Billy?” I asked after a while. He shrugged, “Guess I just thought I'd come check on you. I know you're here all alone and what happened between you and E…” I gave him a look that cut him short. I didn't even want to hear his name. “Look, I know you probably don't want to hear anything about him or what happened at the bar…what he said was fucking…I wanted to knock his ass out for it. But I don't know if what he said is true. And before you bit my fucking head off let me explain why.”

I stood up, going over to the fridge and yanking it open. I pulled a water and a beer out, placing the beer in front of Billy. “Well? Go on. Let's hear why you think he wasn't telling the truth? I mean brink words are sober thoughts, right? That's what they say. But before you do let me tell you something you don't know.” He nodded his head and let me continue. “She was there at his last concert. She was waiting outside. We came back here because things started to get really rocky between us. It was a party every night after a concert…after a while I decided to stop going with him. He continued partying and would be out all night long not getting until sometimes four in the morning.”

I took a sip of water and looked up at him. “I have no doubt that she has been around for a while now. He was just drinking, Billy, and he was also getting high. I know talking about smoking pot either. I'm talking about cocaine. He swore it wasn't all the time and that it wasn't enough for him to get addicted to. It went from just being in the green room with the boys and a few girls the other guys would pick out of the crowd of fans to going out to clubs and being out until four in the morning. Also, It wasn't the first time he said something like that to me.”

[andreafmn]

Running in Circles | Chapter 9

Word Count: 3.6K

Summary: (Y/N) Rossi is following in her father’s footsteps by joining the BAU team as a profiler. The girl genius knew almost everything but she could have never predicted falling for Aaron Hotchner, her boss, and her father’s friend. in their world mutual feelings are not enough to push them together. Will all the adversities and obstacles they face pull them together or push them apart forever?

A/N: can't believe it's been over a year since I updated this story. It was one of the first I ever posted but quickly got disheartened by it as I tried to follow the show's timeline (which is non-existent, honestly). I'm trying to get through season 6 as fast as I can because I've already written chapters for afterward, but I need to tie it into the show. Honestly considered putting the story on hold but I got the chapter done 😊😊 Also need to go back and edit this story, especially regarding the POV

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As if by divine intervention, (Y/N)’s phone started ringing. The vibrations matched the fluttering of her heart as she prayed that Hotch could have been thinking about her at that moment as well. Maybe then she could trick herself into believing that fate was playing its cards right.

“Hey, baby girl.”

“Derek,” she sighed quietly, trying her best not to voice her disappointment. “What’s up? Everything okay?”

“You mind some company for tonight? I got a bottle of whiskey with our names on it.”

“Know what? After the day we just had, sure.” She looked down at the pan of lasagna and decided if she couldn’t enjoy it with Hotch, she’d enjoy it with a friend. “I’ve got some lasagna going in the oven we can eat.”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll see you in about fifteen minutes.”

After the phone clicked, she decided the most prudent thing would be to send Hotchner a text message thanking him for the food and saying she’d update him on everything tomorrow. After everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, she needed a moment of calm and clarity. A moment with certainty rather than mixed signals and stolen glances. She just needed a moment to breathe.

As any evidence of the day shed from her skin in the shower, a loud knock rang through the house. She quickly stepped out of her bathroom and slipped on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie before she ran down the stairs to be met with Derek already inside the kitchen, digging a fork into the piping hot lasagna, with Spencer staring at our friend as he ate like a maniac.

“You know, if you let it cool down a bit, you can savor the taste,” Reid chuckled.

“I know,” he spoke with a full mouth. “But I wanna get drunk tonight, and I won’t do it on an empty stomach.”

“There’s some garlic bread in the toaster oven if you need something that will soak up the alcohol,” (Y/N) laughed as her two friends came into view in her kitchen. “And it’s good to see you’re putting those emergency keys to good use.”

“Sorry, (Y/N),” Spencer responded quickly. “Derek said you wouldn’t mind. We waited five minutes outside.”

“It’s fine, Reid. But you could’ve checked who was at the door.”

“Well, I didn’t want to overstep,” he shrugged. “It’s not my house after all.”

“Good to know you have boundaries, Reid,” she chuckled. “Not that they stopped either of you from letting yourselves in.”

Derek only grumbled in response, too focused on serving the plates and stuffing his mouth. (Y/N) headed to the front door, unsure of who else could have decided to drop by. And though a part of her wanted it to be Hotchner, she knew better than to live in that delusion. He was back in his home with his son, while she had a house full of friends and him on her mind.

“‘Em,” the woman smiled as she opened the door. “Derek invite you too?”

“As a matter of fact, he did. But I’m guessing he didn’t tell you I was coming over.”

“I’m just glad you didn’t use your emergency key as freely as those two boys.”

“Well, you did say we should feel at home,” Morgan grinned. “I’m just doing what you told me to.”

“First time you follow the rules, Morgan,” Emily teased. “Although I’d rather you guys break into (Y/N)’s house than mine.”

“Geez, thanks, Em,” she chuckled. “You’re lucky there’s enough food and booze to go around. But don’t go too crazy. We still have work tomorrow.”

“As if you’d ever let us go hungry,” Emily laughed. “Your Italian blood would never let you.”

“All I need to know is if there’s anyone else that will show up out of the blue.”

“Not that I know of,” Derek shrugged. “Now open up that bottle, I’m thirsty.”

By the time midnight rolled around, Emily and Derek had gone back home. They had eaten enough and drank enough the exhaustion was making their eyelids flutter. And all of them knew that the longer they stayed, the harder it would be to make it back to their homes. Only Spencer was left, curled up on the sofa, still nursing the same glass of whiskey from the start of the night. His eyes were squeezed shut, a hand over them blocking the overhead light.

“You okay, Spence?” (Y/N) asked as she sat by his head, resting it gently onto her lap. She ran her fingers through his curls, massaging his scalp softly. “You got a migraine?”

“Something like that,” he sighed. “They’ve been going on for a bit, but lately, they’ve been worse. The pain is unbelievable, and it makes me sensitive to everything around me.”

“Have you gone to a doctor? This could be something serious, Spence,” she worried. “I have a friend that might be able to squeeze you in. She’s a neurologist and…”

“I’ve got it handled, (Y/N),” he chuckled softly. “I made an appointment for later in the week. I just have to power through the remaining days with sunglasses and pills.”

As soon as he mentioned the pain, a question popped into (Y/N)’s head that she did not want to ask. It was composed of words that could only bring back horrors from his past and the mistakes he was still paying for to that day. The last thing she wanted was to resurface that horrible period, but she had to know. For his sake, she just had to.

“I haven’t taken Dilaudid,” he said before she could speak. “It hasn’t even crossed my mind.”

“How did you…?”

“You were thinking too loud,” he responded as he grinned slightly, his eyes still closed. “And you’re the only one that still asks.”

“I’m sorry, Spence. I don’t mean to be so pushy, she sighed as she stared at the way her fingers ran through the brown of his hair. “If you don’t want time to ask, just…”

“No. I’m grateful that you do.” His free hand searched for hers, squeezing it softly as he enjoyed the warmth of her skin. “I sometimes feel that the team goes out of their way to pretend that part of my life didn’t happen or that it could never happen again. But it did, and it could. Still, I know I can always count on you to look after me, (Y/N). Even if I’m a couple of years older than you, you always find a way to take care of me.”

“And I always will, Reid. You’re a part of my family, and I take care of my family,” she responded softly. “Do you wanna stay here tonight? If it’s too bad, I don’t want you driving out there in the dark.”

“Honestly? Yeah,” Spencer breathed. “I don’t think I could make it home right now.”

“Alright, then. Why don’t you head on up and take a shower while I prepare you some tea and get you a cold compress for your head?” (Y/N) instructed. “You can take any of the sweats from the guest room, and I’ll fetch you some migraine pills so you can hopefully get some shut-eye tonight.”

“Thanks, Rossi,” the man smiled, finally allowing his eyes to open, finding that she had dimmed all the lights. “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“And you’ll never have to find out,” she smiled. “Now, go on upstairs, and I’ll get started on the tea.”

“Fine,” he jokingly whined. “And can you not tell anyone else? I don’t want them worrying about me.”

“I won’t. Just, please keep me updated.”

“Copy that.”

As he disappeared to the second floor, (Y/N) couldn’t help but worry about her friend. Spencer had gone through things that were unimaginable. And though he came out of them with his life, they had slowly started to eat away at him. She knew firsthand just how debilitating anxiety could be to someone’s body, and it concerned her that he was downplaying his symptoms.

She set her kettle to boil as she searched for her own mixture of sleepy-time tea—chamomile, lemongrass, peppermint, and lavender. From her cupboard, she pulled out the purple and blue mug Spencer had always used since he had claimed it was able to keep his tea warm enough to sip slowly. Because apparently it had always been a big concern of his. After placing the tea infuser into the mug, she drizzled a few circles of honey to the bottom and a sprinkle of cinnamon. And once the kettle beeped, she drowned the leaves and the honey in boiling water.

(Y/N) could hear the shower running upstairs as she let the tea seep into the water, and all she could do was worry. Granted, it was something she did every single day of her life. She worried about her father spending all his time in books and his work and not enough on his personal life. She worried about little Jack having to grow up without his mother and a dad who didn’t quite believe he could do a good job as a father. She worried about Hotch, about what he did or didn’t feel. She worried about the team every time they went out on a case. And most importantly, she worried about herself and how she would ever live up to the people around her. Now, she added Spencer’s migraines to the list. If she ever made it to old age without a heart attack, she would have been very surprised.

Walking up the stairs with the mug and the pills, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She balanced the mug on the flat handrail and pulled out the device to see Hotchner’s name lighting up the screen. Her heart hammered against her chest, making her hands tremble with nerves. It was just a phone call., she told herself. He was probably only calling to thank her again.

“Hotch,” she breathed, her voice croaking more than she intended. “Hey.”

“Sorry. Did I wake you?”

“No!” she answered quickly. “I was just heading up the stairs. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, you don’t need to worry,” he assured. “It’s just that Jack wanted to say goodnight and thank you.”

“Isn’t it a bit late for him to be up?” (Y/N) smiled. “I mean, it is still a school night.”

“I caved,” Hotch chuckled. She could hear the exhaustion still present in his voice, and all she wanted to do was help him. It was all she could do. To him, she’d always be just a friend, a coworker, his colleague’s daughter. “Please don’t hold it against me.”

“I could never,” the woman laughed. “I would have probably caved too.”

“Well, then, I’ll put you on.”

(Y/N) heard scuffling from the receiver before Jack’s voice came through. “Hi, (Y/N),” he said. “I wanted to say goodnight since we couldn’t say goodbye to you. I had a lot of fun this weekend.”

“Aw, buddy, I’m glad,” she cooed. “I loved having you over. You know you’re welcome any time.”

“Thank you, (Y/N)!” he beamed. “But I gotta go to bed now. I have school tomorrow. So, goodnight!”

“Good night, Jack,” she responded. “Now, why don’t you pass the phone back to your dad.”

“Alright. Bye bye!”

“Bye, Jack,” she chuckled. “I think that kid should be heading off to bed now, Hotch.”

“He is,” Hotchner answered. “I knew he’d want to after saying good night to you. I think my son likes you more than he likes me.”

“Oh, that’s nonsense, Hotch. He only likes that I’m all fun. But he loves you. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“Thanks, (Y/N),” he chuckled softly. “I’ve been saying that a lot lately.”

“Even when you don’t have to,” the woman sighed contentedly. “Now, go on. You have to sleep too. It’s not just Jack that is up past his bedtime.”

“Very funny, (Y/N). Good night.”

“Night, Hotch.”

(Y/N)’s chest wrenched as her heart accelerated, already wishing the days before could repeat themselves so she could wake and know that he was there. But there was no point in deluding herself. The man could not and would not ever see her as anything more than what she already was. Even their job would allow it. Nothing seemed to ever align for something between them to work.

She turned to the left once she reached the top of the stairs and headed to the guest room to leave the steaming mug for Spencer to find after his shower but found him already sitting on the bed drying his hair. “Was that Hotch on the phone?” She nodded in response. “You didn’t tell him about what’s going on with me, right?”

“Of course not, Spence,” she said in a low tone as she set the mug on the nightstand. “It’s not my information to divulge. Unless it becomes life-threatening, I won’t say a thing without your permission.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” she smiled, handing him the pills. “Anything.”

“What do you think these migraines could be?” The pain behind his eyes was more than visible, it was almost palpable. “I just… what if it’s something serious, (Y/N)?”

“Serious like what, Spence?”

“What if I’m starting to lose my mind?” His voice was frail, trembling at the terrifying thought. “You know, my mom…”

“Don’t go there, Spencer. You can’t go there,” the woman insisted. “We won’t speculate until you have an answer from the doctor. So, I’m begging you, don’t go there.”

“I can’t help it, (Y/N). Either there’s something seriously physically wrong with me, or it’s all psychosomatic. Neither is a good option.”

“I know, Spence. I know. But let’s just not jump to conclusions yet. Not until you’ve gone to the doctor, and we get some type of answer. Until then, I don’t want you to think of the worst-case scenario. It’s not gonna do you any good.”

“Fine,” he sighed as his shoulders slumped forward. “Can I ask you something else? Something that is so off-topic you’ll get whiplash.”

“Go ahead, Reid,” she chuckled softly.

“Do you still have feelings for Hotch?”

The question as innocent, no ill-will behind it. But it still made (Y/N)’s breath hitch in her throat. It had been a long time since any of the people they knew mentioned her less-than-secret infatuation with the unit chief, and it made her heart race like the first time he had confronted her about it. “Yeah,” she muttered. “It’s not something that’s going away any time soon.”

“Have you ever thought of dating someone else? It might help you get over him.”

“I might not be ready for that just yet,” she sighed. “I just can’t seem to stop holding onto hope.”

“I understand. Love… it’s hard, huh?”

“It’s one thing we can’t learn from all the books we read,” she smiled sadly. “But that’s enough talk. The pills should start to work soon, and you need to sleep.”

“Thanks, (Y/N),” he smiled as he got under the covers. “Thank you for caring.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that, Spence. Again, you’re family,” she grinned. “I’ll see you in the morning, alright?”

“Yeah. Good night.”

“Good night, Reid.”

The rest of the night, Spencer’s words floated in her head. She could open her dating pool and allow herself a little venture. Hotch wasn’t waiting for her, nor had he shown a smidge of real interest in her. Holding onto him only hurt her in the long run, making it harder for anyone else who wanted to take the place he did not want. But she couldn’t. Not now. Not just yet.

After a couple of days and a two-night case all the way in Miami, Spencer asked (Y/N) to accompany him to the doctor for the reading of his test results. He was jumpier than usual, his legs bouncing at a rapid speed as they waited for his name to be called. He figured with his fingers, picking at the skin on the corners until she placed her hand on top.

“You won’t have any skin left for our next case,” she chuckled. “Don’t start jumping to conclusions, Mr. Genius.”

“I can’t help it,” he worried. “It’s all I can do. I can’t just shut off my brain.”

“Then, tell me something. Something I might not know.”

“Easier said than done,” he snorted. “You know almost as much as I do.”

“Ah, you said almost as much. So, you believe there are things that you know that I don’t.”

“Okay,” he chuckled. “Did you know that rubber bands last longer if they’re kept in the fridge? The unusual, lightly cross-linked polymer structure of the rubber used to create them react to the cold differently to what people might expect…”

“Right, the chains heat up when stretched, technically shortening them causing the rubber to contract and eventually snapping at the exothermic change,” she mused. “Cooling them would allow for a bigger stretch and life longevity because the release of energy is slower. Nice fact.”

“See, it’s not as fun with you,” he said with a soft chuckle. “The team would have been asking why I would care about rubber bands. You? You go into a simple explanation of thermodynamics.”

“Well, I ask you for a fun fact. I never said I wouldn’t analyze it.”

As Spencer was about to retort, a nurse came out to call his name, telling him the doctor would see him. He got up onto his feet, smoothing down his pants and taking a steadying breath. But he didn’t seem to do more.

“Do you want me to go with you?” (Y/N) quickly offered.

She was met with a soft smile and a gentle nod before they both headed into the office where Spencer’s worst-case scenario unfolded. The doctor told him there was nothing he could see that was physically wrong with him, the scans and the lab work all came back negative. If there was something happening, it was most likely in his head.

Those were the news Spencer did not want. They terrified him, and he let the doctor know. In his own way. “It’s not—I’m not crazy.”

“Crazy? Dr. Reid, I’m not saying…”

“I have headaches. I have intense sensitivity to light. Because there’s something wrong with me,” he asserted, his words spilling out faster than he could hold them. “Physically, not mentally. It’s not that.”

“That?”

“Listen, doctor, my mother’s a paranoid schizophrenic who’s been institutionalized. So I know very well what mental illness looks like,” Spencer continued. “Maybe even better than you, and it’s not that. It’s not.”

“Reid,” (Y/N) called as the man got up from the exam table and left the doctor with a shocked expression on his face. “I am so sorry, doctor. This topic is just… it’s a little hard for him.”

“There’s not much you can do to help someone who doesn’t want to accept their reality,” the doctor sighed softly. “Can you just see that he finds a way to manage his stress and his emotions? I truly believe this might be one of the biggest reasons for these headaches.”

“I’ll try my best, doctor,” (Y/N) smiled. “Thank you for seeing him.”

“No problem.”

She found Spencer waiting for her in the hall, his sunglasses on his eyes and his arms crossed in front of his chest. They remained in silence until they reached her car, the doctor’s pout evident on his face. She knew he was annoyed she had apologized for his behavior, but she couldn’t leave without at least giving a reason for his outburst.

“It’s not psychosomatic,” he stated. “It just can’t be.”

“Spence, we have one of the most stressful jobs on the planet. Day in and day out we see cases that astound even the most seasoned officers. And we get into the minds of the people that commit these atrocities,” she offered. “Don’t you think there is a possibility that these migraines are your body’s way of telling you that you need to balance yourself out?”

“If it was really the job like you say, all of us would be getting these headaches,” he said angrily. “But I don’t see Morgan or Prentiss doubling over because their brain feels like it wants to escape their skull.”

“Everyone is different, Spence. And I know you don’t need me to tell you this. Stress presents itself differently in everyone. Just because we don’t know how they handle their burdens doesn’t mean they don’t have them,” (Y/N) continued, maintaining the same calm tone as she cooled him down. “All I am saying, Reid, is that it might be psychosomatic, and you need to find new ways to handle your stress because I am certain this is not you going crazy. Or it might be something else, and you’ll need to get a second opinion. But regardless of what the outcome is, you can’t just get angry at your doctor because you don’t like your results, and I’ll be with you every step of the way. We’ll find you a way through this, okay?”

His stance finally softened at her words. His arms fell to his sides, and a soft smile tugged at his lips. “I was kind of an ass back there,” he chuckled. “It’s just frustrating and terrifying all the same time, and I don’t know how to process it all.”

“We take it one day at a time, Reid,” she smiled, taking a hand of his in hers. “You’re not alone in this.”

“It’s sometimes hard to remember that you’re you get than me,” he snickered. “I’m pretty sure you’ve babied everyone on the team at some point.”

“What can I say?” she laughed. “I just wanna make sure every single one of you is okay.”

And that was one thing she knew she would do for as long as they would let her. For now, her main concern was Spencer’s well-being. And she was grateful that it was enough to keep Hotchner out of her head.

Next ->

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[oneshotnewbie]

ʜᴜɴɢᴇʀ ꜱᴛʀɪᴋᴇ ɪɪ - ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀɢɪʀʟ

Trigger warning! This one-shot includes the topic of an eating disorder, illness and an unhealthy eating behavior. These plots are presented. If this triggers you too easily or you just can´t handle those subjects, I urge you NOT to read this work. I am NOT embellishing this topic under any circumstance. Read at your own risk.

Authors note: Finally a little update on this story, yeay!

You leaned your forehead against the window before the train drove the last few meter into the station, seeking the comfortableness in it while calming your mind in a way. It was already dark when you arrived in National City and you got off exhausted. The nervousness and tension that had steadily increased along the way made your heart beat faster. The recurring dizziness forced you to get a small snack during the stop in Carthago.

A soft sigh left your lips as the native air crept into your nostrils. On the one hand you were happy to return home, but on the other hand you were afraid of it.

The first semester at Aetherford University had passed calmly but with a lot of stress. You had the chance to be mostly left alone by your and avoided engaging with them via video chat. Even Kara had avoided asking for a video call every third day of the week, otherwise she always had shaky hands just to see you again.

You needed this break, you had to think about a few things. A few months ago your body and mind had started playing against you. A trap had formed, which created more and more problems for you and also caused great fear.

At first you thought it was just happening because you were so stressed and everything was new, but it was not. You quickly found that trying to fight back was useless, because no matter what you did.. It got worse.

You were glad you were able to hide it; you did not know much people at university. At least not someone, who would really care. But it was slowly becoming clear to your professor and your room mate that you seemed emptier and weaker.

It started with just skipping breakfast, but over time it got worse. Breakfast turned into meals that were skipped and you started to survive only on snacks. Protein bars, apples, broccoli. Several times you came close to writing to your sisters, but immediately dismissed the idea. You were sure that they would immediately worry and take you out from university to bring you home.

At moments like this you wished Maggie back. The brunette would certainly have known a good solution or advice without telling Alex anything. But you could not ask her anymore, the contact broke apart.

Memories came flooding back of how Maggie and Alex had split up and you saw her boarding a train to another city right here where you were standing now. And even though you have been talked out of the fact that you could have done something about it, you still berated yourself for not at least trying. It had just been, on the whole, a heartbreaking disaster. Not just because Alex wanted to have children back then, no. Alex could not imagine a life without them and was forced to separate from her great love.

A final sigh left your lips and you took one step after the other in agony. Your head hurt and you did not know if it was because you had not eaten and drunk much today or if it was simply because you sat on a train for five hours straight with a baby crying almost non-stop.

But one thing was certain: It could not be because of the many books in the library.

Over the last six months you have been looking for answers and self-help in the library, but unfortunately you have not found any that helped you. Instead, it kept getting worse.

At first it was difficult for you to really take this problem seriously, as it was often unclear or you had suppressed it. It changed quickly, however, and the consequences became clearer and sharper over time, especially since spring.

That is why you were reluctant to let classmates touch or hug you. You also no longer voluntarily sought physical contact. You were afraid that others would be afraid of you.

A loud horn honk pulled you back to the here and now and you saw none other than Alex on her motorbike. You just hoped that the redhead would not get the idea to hug you right away. You did not want to let it happen until you got your illness under control.

"Look who we have here, the missing Danvers!" mocking, her voice cut through the street noise. You closed your eyes briefly and took a deep breath; now it was going to get serious and you had to be careful at everything. "C´mere, kiddo."

You quickly raised a hand in front of your body, and held it in place. "No hugs please. I, eh… pinched two of my ribs and it hurts like hell," you lied and in the same moment you could have slapped yourself for this statement.

Your sister eyed you intently. You looked ill in her eyes and even though she could not see your face directly because of the darkness, she still noticed how pale and tired you looked.

For several months, Alex Danvers wondered what was wrong with her youngest sister. He had noticed the rapid change in you, even when you were miles away. After all, she was not a DEO agent for nothing. And she wondered why you did not talk to her, you always did.

"Well, can I give you at least a kiss on your cheek?" she asked with a slight smile on her lips. You nodded and mirrored her facial expressions. Putting on a mask, a smiling face. A breathy laugh escapes my mouth so she can not see my pain. The redhead quickly leaned down and gave you three small kisses on the cheek before placing a helmet in your hands and gently wrapping an arm around you.

You felt her hand on your shoulder and instinctively wanted to shake it off when she pulled it back on her own to get her keys out of her leather jacket. You knew from her lingering eye contact that she was not satisfied with your previous answer and that she suspected something. Nevertheless, you were glad that she left you alone without forcing any questions on you.

[ghostssweetgirl]

crazy over you ~ simon ghost riley x reader slow burn/enemies to lovers

description: y/n gets transferred to task force 141 and quickly becomes friends with soap and gaz, but her and ghost "hate" each other for the first part. warnings: mentions of violence and death (duh), alcohol intake, smoking (at some point), nsfw (at some point), subtle flirting with soap. i'm new to writing? so don't expect this to be the greatest. this is not in line with the game campaigns or missions. the only characters i included are y/n, soap, gaz, price, & ghost. i have no knowledge of the military this is just creativity disclaimer: i do not own modern warfare or any of its characters.

chapters: next [switch] last

A/N - Very short chapter but it's because the last one was long. Update: Work has got me caught up so... Between editing what I was unhappy with in this story and work being extra, I've just started catching up with writing the rest of the story. Release times will be shorter from here on out. Just warnin' ya! I do have notes and stuff so it should make writing the next few chapters easier :) 

As you and Simon exit the hotel, you get into the passenger side of the vehicle.

"I had fun, Simon," you smiled at him. "Thank you for coming out with me..."

"Same here, doll." Weird, he was short with you again. Figuring it was just work, you let it go and enjoy the ride back, feeling happy with the outing.

Before the ride got too quiet, you made sure to compliment him. "You're... a good kisser, by the way. Never been kissed like that."

He raised his eyebrow, quickly peeking at you. "Hm."

"Is... everything okay?" you sheepishly asked.

"Affirmative, just work. One thing, luv. Ghost on the field and in front of others."

"Okay, understood, sir."

--

Arriving back at base, you walk into the safe house before Ghost does, and immediately go to find food. Soap and Gaz are in the kitchen and ooh-ing and aww-ing at the two of you.

"Fuck off, pests," Ghost spat as he made his way to his room. You look over your shoulder at him, noticing his sweet demeanor had, in fact, switched. No longer Simon. 

Sitting down at the table after grabbing some leftover scrambled eggs, you, Soap, and Gaz watch Ghost leave without a word. And as soon as he walks out the door...

Soap looks over at you, excited. "How was it?"

"Did you see his face? Is he ugly?"

"How was the movie?"

"... How big is it?"

You choked on your food at the last question, staring off into space, now trying to catch your breath at the randomness of Soap's ask. You laugh before you respond, chewing the last bit of your food. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"N-not like that, lass..." Soap put his head down, realizing how he sounded.

"No, it was fine. We watched Robin Hood... The Disney version... I didn't see his... full face."

"Did ya kiss?" he smirked.

Your smile instantly gave it away as you blushed at the thought, remembering being on Si-Ghost's lap like you were. 

"Ahhh! Was it good? Tell me," Soap took a sip of his orange juice.

You nodded, "Damn good."

Gaz shook his head in playful disapproval. "Done with your questions, Soap?"

"Aye... For now..." he squinted at you. "I'll leave 'er alone..."

You hummed, "We had pizza. And nearly 2 bottles of whiskey."

"Lucky bastards..." they spoke in unison, looking at each other as the words came out of their mouths. 

"We got to sleep in a real bed," you smirked, playfully rubbing it in their faces. 

Soap paused, "YOU GUYS SLEPT TOGETHER?! LIKE - IN THE SAME BED?!"

You furrowed your brows, "Yeah? I mean - he didn't sleep, I slept... on him. Jesus, I'm probably not supposed to be saying any of this... It was fun, okay, Soap? We had our own little time and got to know each other more. I'm just glad he doesn't hate me... anymore."

"Yeah, yeah..." he tutted, jealous - you weren't sure of what, though. 

[mrmoonytoonie]

Bendy and the Dark Revival Rant (negative and long)

Idk why I'm making this, maybe for just peace of mind and y'all can bash me in the comments if y'all want or tell me your own opinion if anyone actually reads this stupid thing. Warning I might be all over the place and this isn't scripted so expect foul language and emotion and unprofessional things.

So I'll like to start with that I'm a MASSIVE fan of Bendy and the Ink Machine and have since alpha chapter 1. That game is my childhood and what inspired me to take drawing more seriously.

The "Ink Demon"

So Bendy and the dark revival, literally disappeared and came back out of nowhere lol. I was actually excited and hyped as hell when it was first announced, glad to know Bendy wasn't forever dead (literally sobbed my eyes out when we killed him in chapter 5). But then nothing, no updates, no news, NOTHING, but I still had hope even when everyone was leaving. Then yay the game is here! But my stupidity and something I should have done was that I should have watched the trailer and someone play it to save my money. I got the game when it came out for the PlayStation and immediately played it going in there blind, even though I couldn't even see what I was playing 97% of the time due to it being too dark even with all the house lights off in the middle of the night it was fun at first! Then the fucking "ink demon" part came up, I was so damn excited to see him in better graphics only to have that THING show up. I had to do a double take to see if that was even the ink demon and to my disappointment it was, I'm not going to lie I don't see how people like it, to me it stripped him from all his creativity and made him into a basic ass demon to the point it's not even close to being Bendy related. I'm not gonna lie I did like the voice at first but later its so damn annoying! Like spit that shit out dude, there is no reason for you to do all that! Also how the programmed him is so lazy and annoying and broken "Oh no hide the ink demon is coming", now at first I was excited to have the chase of my life but NOOOOOOOOO, literally just tells you and you hope to God he decides to spawn in where he is supposed to because he will spawn when there isn't any hiding places. Oh and the hiding places are another annoying broken thing, when I'm trying to hide sometimes you have to look at it at a very specific angle and pray it works. Anyways, so at this point we saw little Bendy and ... The Thing, at this point we already know the "big reveal" was that little Bendy is that thing, like anyone should have seen that coming. ALRIGHT so the end, WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS THE ENDING?! Like why is it just the same ending to BATIM?! Also trying to control Beast Bendy was so damn annoying and wacked! Also what was even his motive? Why the hell did he need Audrey to turn into Beast Bendy? He didn't need it before why need it now? But literally everything gave me more questions then answers and you could have made a better ending than whatever the hell Meetly gave us.

Honestly there is so so much about Bendy and the Dark Revival that I absolutely despise but that would end up making a whole book if I continue so imma just complain on how they massacred my boi. Also if you like BATDR then that's great! I'm glad that people can enjoy things even tho I don't. It's just I feel like I'm going crazy because I don't see anyone else who doesn't like it. Also I didn't expect the game to be easy but it was just so unenjoyable, I was expecting to have the thrill of being chased down hallways and stairs, to fight searchers and the butcher gang, to see old characters that I love and adore only for it to have none of that and just becoming a headache and a broken mess. For someone (Me) who played BATIM over a hundred times to only play BATDR only 3 is just sad. Anyways thanks if anyone reads this, this was just something to help me.

[dearhargrove]

So never done this before lol, but i was wondering if you could do a Billy H (from stranger things) X Reader. Where readers parents are abusive and find out she's bisexual (maybe b/c someone told them, idk) and she goes to Billy, since their dating and he already new about it, for comfort. And its all fluff??

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: (request)

ʙɪʟʟʏ ʜᴀʀɢʀᴏᴠᴇ x ғ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

𝔱𝔴'𝔰: bad parents

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 1303

𝔞/𝔫: I was a little nervous writing this (still am posting this) as I'm not bi and wasnt sure how far i could go. Anyway, I hope this is appropriate (as appropriate as it can be :') ) and you, @loverofthings2425, enjoy this! Also, I know it's super fucking late and I do know there's nothing to excuse this. Apart from that, Google Docs is giving me trouble (nothing is synchronizing anymore... Whatever the fuck that means). Excuse this super late update. Love y'all and please forgive me <3

not proof read. I'm sorry.

masterlist | navigation

Wiping your tears you leave your house, walking quick enough for it to be considered rushing.

After a lot of convincing from both Billy and your best friend Robin, you'd come to the conclusion to tell your parents about you being bisexual. They knew this possibly wouldn't end well, but better than sneaking around, right?

You had hidden it for a long time as it wasn't really welcome in this society - especially in a small town like Hawkins - so you stuck to hiding it. After about three months Robin and you got closer than ever and she told you about herself. It came only as a slight shock if you thought of all the times she brutally shot down any boy that came close.

She was also the one that helped you figure yourself out. When you started dating Billy it was clear to you (and Robin) that you'd never tell him. You did think it'd be unfair as he was your boyfriend and should know something important like that, but he was still... Billy. And Billy was the last person you'd want to know.

Maybe that should've stopped you from committing and entering this relationship. You're glad it didn't though, because half a year into it and he knows. It was a long evening, both of you left tired from dinner with your family.

When you watched the way he talked about you, looked at you or simply interacted you realized something. There was a huge misconception surrounding Billy Hargrove. Yes, he was rough. He wasn't someone you should mess with or on whose bad side you should get. But he wasn't all that tough when he trusted someone.

So, when he started realizing you wouldn't leave or betray him, he really started being himself. He would let you brush his hair - even braid it sometimes if you're pushing it - and was simply... soft around you.

So soft and lovable that you told him. He was quiet at first, after all this didn't just happen all the time and his girlfriend was also... attracted to girls?

He was a bit suspicious of your friendship with Robin afterwards, but you were quick to knock some sense into him because yes, she's cute but never in that way.

Which cued all his jokes about liking the same stuff and that you shouldn't even be that repulsed from his... special magazines.

All in all it had gone great and you loved him even more after.

Maybe you shouldn't have thought it'd apply to your parents too, besides all the shit they've done to you all your life. They weren't as bad as Billy's dad, but definitely found fun in throwing insults your way or making you duck several empty bottles or cans.

Which led you to now, crying in your car while driving over the speed limit at nearly nine at night on a saturday. It had, despite your hopes, gone horrible. Your parents didn't believe you at first - tried making sense of what you were saying, that you were dating Billy and that what you were saying wasn't possible.

When you kept insisting they just stood there, shocked for a few seconds. That's when the yelling began. They were mad that you "chose" to be like that, etcetera. When it had gotten too much, you walked out.

You could go to Robin, she'd understand you after all, but Billy was just a tad bit more the comfort you were leaning towards right now.

Parking your car down the street in a small space engulfed by some trees you exited and breathed in deep - you couldn't make any noise at his now, so you needed to stop crying.

While walking over you made sure to make it seem as if you're walking past his house - so if his dad was watching he'd just see you as another passenger.

When you found your usual route you pushed his window open with practiced movements and climbed in, the piece of wood doing as a perfect help to reach.

He was sitting on his bed, leaning against his headboard while holding a cassette in his hands. The tape on the inside had shriveled up and he was frustratedly picking at it.

You smiled at the sight of him, his curly hair framing his face in the most beautiful way, and his lips slightly parted from looking down.

His tank top on the other hand made his biceps bulge even more and you sheepishly looked away. He hasn't noticed your presence yet, still focused on the small piece of plastic in his hands.

"Baby," you say and hope your voice doesn't sound as shaky to him as it does to you. He flinches a little before realizing it's you and lays the tape aside. He calls your name, a little confused at you being there. Usually you'd call before coming, making sure he wasn't in a situation with his dad.

"What are you doing here?" He asks again, but opens his arms for you nonetheless. "I told them," you grunt as you fall into his arms, shoes discarded under his bed and keys on his nightstand. He stays silent for a second before sighing and raking a hand down your back. "Didn't go well, I take?" You nod and he mumbles something under his breath before pulling you next to him in his bed.

It smelled of cigarettes and his perfume, comforting. "Started yelling at me about how it wasn't real and I was just trying to make them mad and shit," you explain while he adjusts the blanket around your shoulders. He barely had any blanket to himself, but he also runs incredibly hot, so he stuck to sleeping without being cocooned in a blanket most of the time anyway.

"Ah," he says before throwing a shoe at the lightswitch and effectively turning the light off. You send him a disapproving glare before sulking again. "So unnecessary, too. Anyway, I thought I'd stay here for the night and then with Robin until they cool off," you explain while wiggling into his arms. He chuckles and pats your head before inhaling slowly. "You know parents suck. Especially ours. But it's whatever because in a while we're outta here."

It started as a joke on your part - leaving after graduation and going back to California. Both your parents were shit and nothing big could be achieved in this small town either.

But that's where the plans were stuck. You had seen it in the way he hesitated; that he didn't want to leave Max alone. Which is why it was almost entirely hypothetical when you were talking about it.

"Hm," you hum and lean against his chest. "Just glad you're with me."

He scoffs and slaps your shoulder lightly - 'lightly' in his book. He was too strong for this shit - and you slap his arm, too, "Stop saying that like I'm gonna leave any second. Fucking trust me, babe."

He sounded annoyed and you laughed but nodded, "Sure."

He sighed but leaned more against you, chin on your forehead. "We'll figure this out, yeah? Just go to sleep now," he pauses and you can feel him planning another comment, "Unless you wanna do something else~" he smirks.

"Billy." You sternly say and he just chuckles amusedly before settling back down. "I'm serious though, you've left me hanging for a week now and it's not funny anymore," with that the serious tension faded and you giggled happily while he keeps his look serious but whiny.

This was the reason for you to keep going no matter how much your parents disapproved.

[the-cult-of-russo]

Just Beneath The Flames (Part 16)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Warnings: cursing, smut at some point probably lmao, zombie shit, typical canon violence. You know the drill.

A/N: Alright guys, this is the last chapter. 

I’ll admit that I wasn’t planning on ending this story so soon and I feel pretty guilty, especially ending it without much warning. I know I’ll feel worse if I just leave it unfinished though. I’ve already got so many unfinished multi chapter fics that I haven’t gotten to finishing and people are always asking for updates. I know this way, I’ve at least wrapped it up a little so it’s not too bad. There’s always potential for me to come back to this story and add to it if I feel like it or if anyone had any ideas they wanted to throw at me to add in here. 

I’m feeling a little burnt out with it if I’m honest. This story has been so fun to write and I’ve loved seeing so many of you love reading it, but for some reason, now my brain is having a really hard time with it. I have other stories I’ve started that have been itching at me so I figured it was best if I finish it off instead of forcing myself to continue and churn out shitty content. 

The point of this rambling is to say that while this may be the ‘last’ chapter, I may go back to it at some point and do more so it’s not like 100% finished. And as I said, I’m welcome to ideas for it. 

—-----------------

Day Fourteen

Your hand came up to stifle a yawn and you blinked tiredly as you walked beside Billy.

“If we go this way, we can get to the highway. It's worth a look,” he mused, looking over the map in his hands before he glanced over to you.

“Sounds good to me,” you smiled tiredly, rubbing your eyes a little. His concerned gaze swept over your face before he folded up the map, shoving it into his jacket pocket and wrapping an arm around your shoulder. Billy had decided to head to the highway instead of the original route planned, hopefully to find a car. You’d made it into Virginia now but it was a big place and you were still a while away. On foot, the journey would take you another few days but if you managed to find a car, you could cut it to just a few hours instead. You were pretty sure he’d decided on the new plan after seeing you shuffle around like one of the dead. It had only been two days since you left the cabin but traveling from sun up to sun down was really taking it out of you. You longed for the respite and safety of the tiny cabin. You missed sleeping beside him like that instead of the shifts taking watch like you had to do now, neither of you getting a full night sleep. It took almost an hour to get to the highway and it was very reminiscent of the one back by the old cabin. This one was smaller though and was slightly less jam-packed, a few of the dead stumbling around the derelict cars as they groaned.

“I've got them, you try the cars,” you murmured, giving Billy a wry smile before you headed off over to the roamers. You made quick work of them before you came back over to where Billy was trying to hotwire a car. If last time was anything to go by, you’d probably turn up with nothing. The cars weren't exactly in the best condition with the state they’d been left in and you had no idea if any of them still had gas left. You stood guard as Billy tried car after car, your knife poised and ready as you took care of any threats that came ambling your way so he could focus. The sound of an engine starting made your head whirl over to him as he sat up, climbing out of the car with a delighted laugh.

“Fuckin’ told you I’d do it,” he smirked as you walked over.

“Mhm, didn’t doubt you for a second,” you replied impishly and he snorted, leaning in to press a sweet kiss to your lips. It was something you were still trying to get used to yet it also felt like you’d done it a million times before. 

“Come on,” he smiled down at you, pulling you over to the car. You slid into the passenger seat, your tired feet glad for the rest as he got into the driver’s side.

Your whole journey had been leading up to this moment, to finally see what awaited you at the safe house. You’d known what was at stake the entire time yet it felt far more real now as Billy drove there. You had no idea what you’d find. Maybe there wouldn't be anyone there at all or maybe the only person there was the person whose safe house it was. Or maybe some of the group would be there, others not making it. What if something happened to Sarah and the baby? What if something happened to the kids? The spike of anxiety hit you like a truck as you glared out of the window, trying to control your breathing. You weren’t even aware your leg was bobbing up and down restlessly until Billy’s hand reached over and stilled it. When you turned to him, he shot you a reassuring smile but you could see his own anxiety shining behind his dark eyes. Everything you were feeling, you knew he must be feeling tenfold. You’d grown to care for these people like family, but they were Billy’s family way before they were yours. You mustered your best smile for him, not wanting him to fuss over you when he must be feeling so much worse than you. The smile seemed to work as he seemed a little more relaxed before he turned back to the road. 

“Hope they’ve got dinner goin’, I’m fuckin’ hungry,” he remarked ruefully and you knew he was trying to keep things light. Not wanting to touch on all the other scenarios that could happen when you got there.

“I did offer you some soup this morning,” you shrugged, giving him an amused look.

“Yeah, yeah,” he huffed playfully. You weren’t stupid though. He hadn’t eaten this morning and you knew he was anxious about all of this. You’d barely been able to eat yourself but you’d forced some soup down you because you knew you needed the energy. 

“Why don’t you get some sleep?” he asked, giving you a soft look and you shook your head.

“Nah, I’m good,” you answered with a smile. You weren’t tired enough to sleep with your thoughts running so rampant and you didn’t want to leave Billy in silence on the drive there for a few hours. You knew nothing good would come of it. You tried to keep the drive light with conversion to keep both of your minds from wandering. You spoke about anything and everything. From stories from your time as a vet, to family stories that were more fun and lighthearted. Billy seemed content to listen and reply rather than tell any of his own tales but you had a feeling that most of his good memories were linked to the people you were trying to find so you didn’t mind him just listening to you. It was easy to talk to him and time seemed to fly by as he drove and before long, he was pulling down a dirt road through some trees. 

“Should be at the end of this road,” he mused softly and you nodded, your whole body tightening in anticipation. 

“Oh my god,” you murmured, sitting forward in your seat a little as your eyes widened. Billy seemed to be rendered speechless, not a smart-ass remark in sight. He pulled to a stop a little away as you both just gaped at what you could see.

The whole place was encompassed with large stone walls that were as tall as a house, barbed wire lining the top. There was a huge metal gate and what looked to be an intercom next to it. You couldn't see the building behind the walls but it looked more like a fortress than a safe house. It was way bigger than you thought it would be and at each corner of the walls, there were perch-like towers that would be perfect to take watch from or shoot if needed. You weren’t sure if the person who had this built was paranoid or maybe they had some inside knowledge of what was going to happen, but it sure as fuck seemed like it was perfect for a zombie apocalyspe. There even seemed to be what looked like wind turbines on either side. You both sat there for a moment as you looked at it before you both slipped out of the car. Billy walked around to you as you both slowly made your way up the dirt road, stopping a few feet away. You felt anxiety gnawing at you now it was go time and when you glanced over at Billy, his eyes were wide as they darted around. You didn’t want to push the intercom, knowing he needed to be the one to do it, he had to be ready.

“Guess it’s now or never, huh?” he asked, trying to smirk but it fell flat as his voice shook. You reached out and took his hand gently and he looked at you then, his face softening. “No matter what happens, I’m here,” you murmured soothingly. He blinked at you, a small smile toying on his lips as he gave your hand a squeeze. He looked back at the large metal gate then, taking a large shaky breath and rolling his shoulder. Once he’d steeled himself, he nodded, letting go of your hand as he made his way over to the intercom and pressed it, you hot on his heels.

“Anyone here?” he asked carefully but he was only met with silence.

“Frankie… if you’re in there, it’s Billy. I’m with Y/N… We… We made it,” he added, a desperate edge to his voice that had your stomach twisting in knots. Loud buzzing suddenly hit your ears and Billy stepped back quickly, grabbing your wrist and pulling you with him before he pushed you behind him slightly as if to protect you. The large metal gate started to open but before you had a chance to even try and observe the building or what was going on inside, Frank came barreling out and grabbed Billy so tight, he almost knocked him right off his feet. They clutched each other and you felt your eyes prick with tears, a smile on your face that had your cheeks hurting. Frank was muttering something but you couldn't make it out through his tears as they both cried. You were so wrapped up in the emotion of their moment, you didn’t even notice Karen until she was inches away from you and you were then engulfed in a tight hug.

“Oh my god, you made it,” she breathed, squeezing you hard as you hugged her back and allowed your tears to fall. The relief you felt was palpable. She moved away, a bright smile on her tearful face as she wiped her eyes. She turned to look at Billy then as he and Frank finally separated and she rushed over to him, grabbing him in a hug.

“Bring it in, Y/N,” Frank smiled widely as he approached you with his arms open wide. You hugged him and his arms came around you. It was the tightest hug the man had given you yet and you could feel him shaking as he held you.

“I’m so glad you made it. We all thought… After you walkied Bill and you were hurt…” he trailed off, holding you tighter for a moment before he let you go.

“It’s okay, Frank,” you murmured as you wiped your eyes with your sleeves. You were just relieved to see them.

“Everyone else… Are they…?” Billy asked, damp eyes darting from Karen to Frank.

“They’re okay, we all made it out,” Frank answered quickly, as if to ease his worries. You physically saw the stress leave Billy’s body as his shoulder sagged in relief, his lower lip trembling as he smiled and nodded.

“Bill… I didn’t mean to leave you back there, I-” Frank started, a deep frown on his face but Billy shook his head.

“It’s alright, Frankie,” Billy cut him off.

“No, It’s not,” Frank argued and Karen carefully rested a hand on Frank’s arm and made him look at her.

“Honey, they’d been through a lot, okay? Let them come in, see the others. You can explain after,” she suggested carefully. Frank looked from her to Billy, nodding reluctantly but he looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

“Come on, you guys should see this place. It’s pretty amazing,” Karen smiled at you and Billy. When you looked over at Billy, he gave you such a genuine smile it made your chest ache and he took your hand, lacing his fingers with yours as Karen and Frank led you inside the gate.

You really couldn’t get over this place. The building itself was made from the same stone as the walls and looked to be two stories high. It was much bigger than you thought it would be but there was outside space all around it too. To the left there were rows and rows of crop plots, some of them already having things growing in them. You were startled to hear the sound of clucking and when you looked over behind the crop plots, you noticed a hen house. There were large solar panels off to the right of the building in a line along the walls as well as the turbines you’d seen from outside. When you stepped inside the building, your eyes swept around. It was a lot more homely than you’d expected inside with a large wooden staircase to the back of the building. There was a large living area with a fire and a huge kitchen off to the left with an island. It all looked modern and high tech. There were a few doors and Karen informed you one was to a basement that was stocked full of food, with Frank happily telling Billy it was also full of weapons and ammo too. Karen explained there were a bunch of bedrooms upstairs and a couple of working bathrooms. The place had working water and even its own sewer system. It was like the cabin but better. It was overwhelming being reunited with everyone and not one person had a dry eye as they all hugged you and Billy. It became clear after seeing everyone that while everyone seemed to think Billy would turn up one day, everyone had thought you were dead, not that you could blame them. You were just relieved they were all here and okay, you could hardly believe it. Before long, Frank and Karen had taken you and Billy over to the large dining table near the kitchen. You and Billy sat at one side, Frank and Karen at the other and Billy grabbed your hand, pulling it onto his lap as he held it tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Frank said firmly, giving Billy a pointed look.

“Frank-” Billy started with a frown but Frank held his hand up.

“I shouldn’t have left you behind, man,” he lamented, shaking his head.

“You didn’t leave me behind. You kept tellin’ me to fall back and I didn’t listen. That ain’t on you,” Billy argued.

“Everything was just… hectic. We got out but… but Matt and Karen were shot,” Frank explained. Your eyes snapped to Karen then who smiled ruefully and you felt Billy’s hand tighten around your own.

“I'm part of the cool kids club now,” she remarked wryly and Frank gave her a look.

“Micro was driving the truck, Sarah and the kids up front. Me, Curt and Foggy were in the bed, tryin’ to help Karen and Matt. Micro thought you were there too and he just took off, tryin’ to get us safe. Before I knew what happened, we were already halfway to Virginia,” Frank muttered, guilt coating his tone. 

“He almost murdered Micro when he found out, Curtis had to drag him off him,” Karen murmured.

“I just… I didn’t know what to do. We were already so far out and we needed to get Karen and Matt somewhere safe, to patch ‘em up better. So we came out here,” Frank frowned deeply.

“It was the right call,” Billy insisted.

“Once I knew Karen was okay, I wanted to head out and find you, but Karen told me to stay put,” Frank admitted, shaking his head.

“I knew you’d find us here. If felt pointless him going out there, you’d just be missing each other,” she explained softly as she looked at Billy.

“It’s a good job you didn’t come back for me. Who knows what woulda happened, I might not have found Y/N and we’d all still be thinkin’ she was dead and she’d be out there all alone,” Billy muttered gravely and the thought stabbed you right in the chest. You didn’t want to think about the what ifs because they were pointless and the other reality was honestly terrifying. You weren’t sure what you would have done if you hadn’t found Billy that day.

“See, it all worked out in the end,” Karen smiled, giving Frank a meaningful look. She looked like she’d had this conversation already with him, trying to ease the guilt he felt at leaving Billy behind. He was a lot like Billy in that way, carrying heaps of guilt he shouldn't be feeling.

“I guess it did,” Frank murmured, finally smiling as he looked between you and Billy. There was a look in his eyes that told you he’d already picked up in the shift with the pair of you but luckily he didn’t press it. You were just happy to be with everyone, happy they were safe and here. 

You wound up having dinner with everyone, you and Billy glued to each other’s sides as the kids wanted to know exactly how the ‘epic journey’ for you and Billy had gone and he regaled them with the tale as if it was from a storybook. While you'd tried to stay positive, mostly for Billy’s sake, you really had thought you’d have some bad news coming here and you couldn’t believe your luck to find none here. You’d finally caught a break and it was a fucking big one. You felt emotionally drained after the whole thing and by the time Billy was leading you up to a room he’d picked out for the both of you, you felt ready to sleep for a week. 

“This is a pretty nice set up,” Billy mused as you walked into the bedroom. It was a decent size with a double bed, chest of drawers and wardrobe. 

“I know. This place is amazing, I really feel like we have a chance at a normal life here,” you replied as you looked around and put the spare clothes on the bed that Karen had given to you and Billy. Billy pulled you over to him and you smiled up at him before he kissed you. When he pulled away, he kissed the tip of your nose.

“You okay?” you asked him as you ran your hands up his chest.

“Yeah. This whole thing’s just taken it out of me, can’t wait to get some rest,” he grinned ruefully.

“I feel that,” you snorted. A big part of you wanted to make the most of the working showers you had here but with the day you’d both had, you wound up changing into pajamas, the notion feeling wildly absurd, before you both slipped into bed. You both lay facing each other, your hand on his chest with your legs tangled with each other’s and his arm was around you, fingers drawing circles on your lower back.

“Thank you,” he murmured tiredly.

“For what?” you asked softly. He gave you a soft smile that made your heart feel like it skipped a few beats and you really couldn't believe how lucky you were.

“For bein’ you,” he answered simply, eyes crinkling a little and you snorted with a roll of your eyes.

“I mean it. You’re one of the most amazin’ people I’ve ever met. You’ve been my rock through all this shit. I don’t know how I woulda got through this without you,” he admitted earnestly and it made you smile.

“You’re pretty amazing too, Mr Russo,” you replied sleepily, leaning over to place a kiss to his lips. 

“I love you,” he murmured against your lips, his hand moving to stroke your face.

“I love you too,” you answered easily, unable to help the smile on your face.

Eight Months Later

“Y/N, look!” Zach beamed as he ran over to where you were grabbing some potatoes and putting them into a basket. Karen had requested them for the dinner she was making.

“That’s awesome, Zach. How many did you get?” you asked with a smile, seeing him with his own basket full of eggs. 

“Five. That’ll be enough, right?” he asked, eyes bright as he shifted on his feet.

“I’m sure that’s more than enough. You should go and give them to Karen,” you grinned at him, watching as he practically skipped off to the house. He loved those chickens more than anything and he’d taken the role of being the one to look after them and get the eggs when they laid. He seemed to enjoy having a job to do. You stood up, dusting off your jeans and jumped when you felt two hands grab your hips.

“Well, if it ain’t farmer Y/N,” Billy smirked into your ear, making you snort before you turned around. Your eyes dipped to the baby strapped to his chest, a wry smile tugging at your lips.

“You on baby duty?” you asked looking amused and he shrugged, a hand coming to cradle the baby’s small head.

“Figured Sarah and Micro could use the break,” he answered with a smile. Micro had been adamant on naming the baby William after Billy and you were sure it had something to do with how guilty he felt over being the one to leave Billy behind all those months ago. Nevertheless, Billy was stupidly smug about the whole thing. Delivering William had been terrifying but the safe house had a bunch of medical equipment. Curtis had taken the lead with you assisting, and thankfully, the birth had gone without any issues and both mother and baby had been perfectly fine. 

“Anyone would think you're trying to steal him with how much time you spend with him,” you snorted softly, giving him an impish look. Sarah loved to joke about how Billy was trying to steal the baby away, to turn him into a mini Russo. You’d never expected Billy to be a baby person but he absolutely loved spending time with the little boy. 

“Don’t listen to her, buddy. Aunt Y/N’s just mean to me,” he pouted playfully and you grinned as you shook your head, grabbing the basket with potatoes and carrots in. 

“What time do you wanna head out?” you asked as he walked with you back to the house.

“Maybe like an hour?” Billy suggested, his hand darting out and lacing with your free hand.

“Sounds good to me,” you smiled. He used the hold on your hand to tug you to him but to the side a little so you didn’t squash the baby, kissing you softly. You parted ways when you got inside as you went to give Karen the goods before you got ready. You and Billy made a habit of going out hunting every few days even though you really didn’t need to right now. You had a lot of food in the basement but you both didn’t like feeling cooped up and it was nice to get out just the both of you. Billy liked to call them dates. Life here was surprisingly easy and it all worked like a well-oiled machine. You never thought in your wildest dreams you’d have some place like this during the end of the world but you were glad you found it. You thought back to all that time ago, when you were starving and desperate and came across Frank and Billy’s camp. It had all started with that group of assholes who had slit your throat and left you for dead. It was strange how things worked out, how it rippled like that. If that had never happened to you, you’d never have been scared to go to the stores to get food, you’d never have been desperate enough to try and rob Billy’s camp. You’d never have met your new family and never have met Billy. The scar that had once been a reminder of something awful and traumatic was a symbol of hope for you now. It was the beginning of your new life, the one you’d made with Billy. Every shitty thing you’d ever been through had led you to this moment and while you were sad your brother wasn’t here with you to enjoy a place like this, you knew that wherever he was, he’d be looking down at you happy that you finally found some peace. For once you were forced to finally realize that good things can last in this new world. 

Taglist: (if you’ve been asked to be tagged and aren’t here, it wouldn’t let me tag some people.)

@firexfate

@blanchedelioncourt

@on-ya

@sunshinedaisies-anddeath

@snowkestrel

@music-indie-tv

@idaofinfinity

@sweetserendipity65

@ramadiiiisme

@k-marzolf

@celestialams

@woowwwee

@noortsshift

@rainbowgoblinfan

@mysweetlittledesire

[strayrockette]

Give Me Peace Over War

Chapter 1: The Nightmare

Previous Part

Thomas Shelby Masterlist

Peaky Blinders Masterlist

Summary: Miruna is a recluse "gypsy witch," who finds herself being pushed out of her apartment for a job at a bakery at the insistence of Lizzie Stark, a neighbor, and a friend.

A/N: *phew* this was a long time coming. It took a lot of rewrites and drafts to put this chapter together. If it wasn't for @mysticalpandora lovely help, I probably would have crawled into a hole and given up on writing. She's an amazing writer and I'm so glad she took time out of her busy schedule to help edit this chapter! 💙💙 Now that this is done, I can finally move on to my other WIP and requests. You have no idea how stressed this chapter got me.

PS: @mysticalpandora is a writer in hiding, you guys should definitely keep a lookout for her. I for one can't wait to see what she writes and what fandom she'll get me back into! 😊💙 (My baby sister told me to do a blue heart. I guess she got bored with red?) (Update: She just told me blue is the best color)

Fresh pastries and blossoms. None would expect that peculiar scent to waft in the air of Small Heath. For Miruna, it was the opposite. Despite the smell being a strange thing to encounter, it was ever present to her, much like the graphite that lined her fingers and smudged the side of her palm. Fingers gripped the pencil in her hand achingly tight, joints protesting from the lack of comfort and freedom. Her sketchbook lay haphazardly next to her on her tiny twin bed, the sheets resembling the same haphazardness despite the fact that she had barely slept amongst them. Miruna had spent her time, drawing within the comforting silence night had provided, sleep few and far between. As the sun rose from its slumber and kissed the earth with its morning rays, Small Heath had buzzed to life. 

With it, a sense of relief washed over Miruna as she found herself grateful for the distraction. Resting her head back against the wall and closing her eyes, she allowed her hand to move freely to the side to lay her pencil atop her sketchbook, before returning her hand to her lap, a breath of a sigh escaping her lips as she allowed herself to relax. Though, it wasn't long before she could hear the sounds of her neighbor clamoring around their equally tiny apartment. 

If she allowed herself to sink further into the depths of relaxation and peace, she'd be able to hear the sounds of Giddy - the neighborhood cat - sauntering around the hallways and possibly chasing the occasional mouse. The buzz around her was more welcomed than she had expected, lulling her mind into Sleep's awaiting arms. Arms that begged and pleaded for her to rest her aching bones upon the mattress of her bed, to cast aside her external distractions for rest... If she allowed it. Despite the sleep, she knew she craved, she could already envision the nightmare that loomed over her like the smoke that hung around the rooftops of Small Heath, visiting her in her impotent state.

Hurried footsteps and frantic knocking jolted her, "Miruna! Are you up?" 

Her dark brown eyes surveyed her apartment a breath of relief escaping her chapped lips when seeing it as empty as it was moments before closing her eyes. She suspected that she would need to sleep soon, a week without proper rest had a way of tricking the mind. Her body moved sluggishly, heavy with exhaustion. Standing from her bed slowly, she concentrated on movin one foot after the other. The knocking had ceased and whoever was looking for her had gone quiet. Her fingers brushed against the cool brass of the doorknob and gently tugged the door open. She peaked around the corner and found her neighbor waiting patiently, arms full with cotton and laced garments. 

Her neighbor grimaced as she took in Miruna's face, "Did I not tell you to sleep? honestly, love. You need to care for yourself." 

Her neighbor was a beautiful woman, which came in handy in her line of work as a lady of the night. Despite the grittiness of her career, Lizzie was still a dreamer at heart. 

Miruna tilted her head and murmured, "I slept."

Miruna had moved into the empty room next to Lizzie over a year ago. In that short time, Miruna had found an unwelcomed friend in Lizzie.

Lizzie huffed at her lackluster response, "two minutes of rest hardly counts. Today is your first day of work, you must look your best." 

Lizzie had made it her mission to get her out of her apartment and into a proper job because if anyone needed it, it would be lonely Miruna, who very rarely wanted anything to do with the outside world. Miruna had a habit of hiding in her apartment and only socializing with those who visited her for her “gypsy magic.” Though Miruna swears all she ever does is talk and have tea with her fellow broken souls. But no one ever listens. 

She pushed her way into Miruna's apartment, dropping a load of clothes onto the bed stuffed to the far right and making a beeline for the wash bin and tea kettle. 

Miruna shut her door and turned to watch as Lizzie took charge. There’s no way out of this one, she thought with a sigh. 

Lizzie turned to eye Miruna's disheveled state. Eye bags severely present on her lightly tanned skin, wavey hair knotted and her nightgown messy and disorganized. For someone who didn't sleep, Miruna looked as if she had tossed and turned all night. Lizzie eyed the open sketchbook sitting atop her pillowcase, a hint of a figure making its presence known but not quite finished in detail. She suspected that Miruna had sat in bed sketching away most of the night. She turned away from the sketchbook and pretended she hadn't seen it; Miruna's sketchbook was one of the many things she was private about. With a tentative smile, she stated, "You look a mess, but I've dealt with worse,"

She reached out with quick movements and dragged Miruna to a loan chair resting next to a circular table on the left side of the room. She rolled up the sleeves of Miruna’s nightgown and dragged a warm wet rag onto her bare arms and hands. Slowly and methodically washing away signs of built up grime and graphite. 

If Lizzie was not aware of Miruna’s sleeping habits, she would have half a mind to think her dead. With her sunken glazed eyes, pale skin, and stiff movements; Miruna was a walking corpse.  

Lizzie's soft hands delicately squished her cheeks, rubbing the sleep and dry drool-those two minutes of rest must have been the best- from her face with the rag, her green eyes scrutinizing her friend, "Have you tried the brew Lacey brought you?" 

Miruna humphed, "ish ophium" 

Lizzie huffed, "what does it matter? It should help with your night terrors" 

Since moving in Miruna has suffered night terrors every night. She had tried nearly everything to combat them. From herbal tea, lavender scents, lavender cookies, lavender scrub, calming lullabies sung by Lizzie, and a dog pile with Lizzie and two other lone ladies who lived in the apartments below them. Opium seemed like the best option, but Miruna was adamantly against using it. 

Lizzie’s hands threaded through Miruna’s hair, her fingers snagging onto some knots. She pulled away to grab the brush and ran it through Miruna’s long hair.

"Its' too addicting," Miruna asserted. She turned in the chair and grabbed the brush from Lizzie’s hand, "and I can clean myself." 

Lizzie stepped back from the chair and motioned for her to go on, “You’re a bit slow but I suppose you can do the rest”

Miruna rolled her eyes at Lizzies light tease, grumbling under her breath, “I’m not a child.”

Lizzie laughed and turned away and towards the pile of clothes she set on the bed,  "The ladies and I, all pitched in and managed to get some garments patched up for you, don't worry it's nothing scandalous for your taste." 

“And before you protest, it was all within budget, Lady Owen did all the patching up,” Lady Owen was an old widow who owned the building, an inheritance of sorts from her husband before he passed. She was the only one on this block of Small Heath who didn’t snear or smirk greasely at the ladies with a less desirable job. If anyone had trouble or simply needed a motherly prescence, Lady Owen was the one to go too. The day that she passed, would be a sad day for all. 

Miruna tilted her head as she stared at the clothes, she knew how territorial some ladies got of the fine garments and clothes they had in their possession. Looking presentable at all hours of the day was a must. For Lizzie and the few others to give up some clothes to be patched up and retailored for her was a sign of unity. If she denied the clothes, she was sure the other ladies besides Lizzie would take it as a snub. 

She pointed the brush at the white dress laying unceremoniously on her bed, “I’ll wear that one, it's the prettiest.” 

The rest of the morning passed rather quickly at Lizzie’s insistence. Lizzie shoved day old bread and an apple into her hands as they walked down the stairs. “Your to head straight to work at the bakery, Mr. and Mrs. Coulson are willing to give you another shot but that may change if you don’t show up again.” 

Miruna hummed behind a mouthful of bread, shifting the apple to her left hand she attempted to shrug on her worn wool coat. The clack of her shoes resounded in the stairwell, her foot nearly tripping as Giddy ran past them with a mouse trapped in his mouth. The bread muffled her cursing, as her hands gripped the wooden railing for balance.

Lizzie’s hand gripped the top of her coat and helped her shrug it on, “You promise, you’ll go straight to the bakery?” 

They’d paused by the building entrance, a small audience gathering by the stairs they had descended from. 

Miruna swallowed the bread and turned her gaze to the group of three, “Will you drag me there yourself?” 

Lacey, a blonde brown eyed waif, leaned forward with a teasing smile, “we can if you want to.”

“Abosultely not,” a girl looking no older than 16 protested, “it would take at least another two hours for all of us to get ready. She’ll be late by then.” 

Lacey gave her a look, “You mean, it takes you two hours to get ready, I only need one hour.” 

A tap on her shoulder distracted her from the groups quarrel about who took the longest to get ready, “Promise, you’ll go to the bakery this time”

Lizzies green eyes implored her to say yes. Miruna hesitated before relenting, “Yes, I promise, I’ll go to the bakery.” 

At her promise squeals echoed through the building and Miruna bounded out of it as quickly as her tired legs would allow. And with each step she took towards the bakery, she wished she had not made that promise. Because a week of sleepless nights made it easier for nightmares to follow her into the waking world. She should have seriously considered this fact before walking out of her apartment's comfort. 

~~~~

The dress

TidBit about Romani history:

Roma people, also known as Romani, Sinti, Sindhi, or Kale, according to their sub-groups, are an Indo-Aryan ethnic group mainly residing in Europe. They are also referred to as "gypsies" though some consider this to be a derogatory term. This term comes from when people thought Romani/Roma people came from Egypt.

In approximately 250 BCE, the Romani are thought to have migrated from what is now the Indian state of Rajasthan to the northwest (the Punjab region). A result of their subsequent westward migration, possibly in waves, is now believed to have occurred beginning in about 500 CE. 

The raids conducted by Mahmud of Ghazni may also have triggered emigration from India. Following their defeat, these soldiers and their families were relocated to the Byzantine Empire in the west.

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