#GOD CC DID SUCH A GOOD JOB UGH

[homicidalfantrolls]

well in honor of Cc @/ridiculousfantrolls doing such an amazing fuckin job on Merkii’s sprites I wanna do a judgement meme with him!!!

1 troll/oc at a time, multiple Reblog welcome no judgebacks encouraged! Merlin is a minor so please keep that in mind!

[absolutepokemontrash]

The Brothers and Side Characters Play the Sims

I don’t know what possessed me to make this but WHATEVER. I’ve been playing the Sims since I was a wee little girl, and I’ve seen my fair share of weird Sims stuff that I feel would fit these bozos perfectly.

My Sims have a Functional Family Life Because I Don’t (Lucifer)

God dammit Levi’s obsessed with another game... ugh.

Spends 5 minutes in Create-a-Sim and hops into a starter home.

Lucifer’s the type to start with all the average stuff and then build their stuff up as his sim gets promotions.

It’s just... so peaceful...

...he’s adopting a dog.

Look at his new little virtual family... his sim-kids are self sufficient and getting A’s in school, his Sim spouse MC or Diavolo take your pick loves his Sim-self, his sim-dog-

WAIT NO- THE DOG’S AN ELDER?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAA-

...

He’s fine. It was just a virtual dog. *sniffle*

He’s now spending his free time drinking Demonus and playing the Sims.

What’s a mod? Levi why does your sim have gun?

Behold, My Gorgeous Home... It’s a Box (Mammon)

Mammon, like the rest of the HOL, is mooching off of Levi’s Origin account.

“AW SHIT! This house looks awesome! I’m gonna build it for Sim-me to live in!”

Mammon proceeds to build a box with rooms. Yay...

He just picks the funnest sounding job if he picks any job at all for his Sim. That’s how he ended up making 9 dollars an hour in the criminal career.

Didn’t stop Mammon from buying that solid gold bathroom set from Get Famous... a box with solid gold bathrooms.

His Sim is broke send help-

“Leviiiiiii my sim needs money... the people my sim kidnapped and is forcing to paint aren’t making enough money...” “Ugh... press control shift C and type ‘motherlode’.”

...Levi made a mistake.

“FUCK YEAH! MOTHERLODE!”

His sim’s life is so chaotic, he has a piranha pool that his sim has almost died in twice, the sim is carrying on several torrid love affairs, his sim got struck by lightning, his sim has nearly died in a grilled cheese making accident twice... in the same day.

At least once Sim-Mammon and Sim-MC get married things calm down a little.

Mammon finds out what custom content is and proceeds to download EVERYTHING HE CAN FIND.

And now he’s asking Levi why his computer is running so slow.

Expansion Pack King (Leviathan)

He got into it back when the Sims 2 was new, he’s a veteran fan.

“Bro remember when Agnes Crumplebottom would show up and whack the shit out of your sims if they were flirting?”

“Remember when that witch would show up randomly on the lot you were on if you had Makin’ Magic?”

“Remember when Bella Goth was abducted by aliens and we just... didn’t question it?”

He whines about the Sims4 and how crappy it is but still buys every expansion pack, game pack, and stuff pack.

This boy watches like 40 hours of built tutorials and ends up sobbing over his weird roofs.

“WHY DOESN’T IT LOOK AS NICE AS THE ONE I’M LOOKING AT?! THIS ISN’T FAIR!”

The mod folder is so full istg-

Levi gets custom content for the sole purpose of making his favourite fictional characters.

This is why Henry and the Lord of Shadows are married and Ruri-chan and Sim-Levi are roommates.

Oh my god they were roommates-

Levi also added his brothers to the world and uh... Sim-Mammon died in a tragic pool accident F.

Levi then proceeded to befriend the Grim Reaper.

He’s anxiously awaiting the release of Paralives.

Wait Gameplay? In This Build Simulator? (Satan)

Satan’s here to build and leave. Gameplay who?

Our favourite bundle of rage is a master architect and the amount of followers on the Gallery he has shows it.

He takes up those build shell challenges and always ends up making them look positively perfect.

Asmo’s always using his houses, and Satan often takes requests when he gets bored.

No Mammon, he reserves the right to refuse to build a golden castle for you- YOUR SIM HAS 40 SIMOLEONS-

No mods, no CC, he’s building with what EA gave him.

...and EA gave him debug objects, and he’s not going to explain how to get them.

The one time he did actually play with a family... it was one sim and seven cats.

He tries to play without cheats... and ends up getting frustrated and turns on cheats.

All hail the Pets Expansion Pack.

Custom Content Soap Opera (Asmodeus)

Asmo spends 5 hours in Create a Sim then just... clicks out of the game.

That’s how it goes most of the time, buuuuuut when he gets super invested in a family he’s made, boy howdy is he INVESTED.

Sim A is carrying on an affair with Sim C who’s in love with Sim B who’s married to Sim A but Sim D wants to kill Sim A and C even though they’re the illegitimate child of Sim C-

When Asmo realizes that in the Sims 4 he needs to manufacture all the drama himself and he can’t just sit back with a glass of wine and watch the fireworks, he switches to the Sims 2 and 3.

“...why is this old lady beating up my Sim..?”

He immediately recoils in horror upon seeing how ugly the Sims are pre Sims4.

HE NEEDS TO FIX THIS-

Ah, there we go, perfect. Custom Content to the rescue!

He ends up remaking the entire world just so he doesn’t have to look at weird looking Sims.

Asmo is the only one to have finished a proper Legacy Challenge, but it gets crazy chaotic after gen 3.

“My sim just got abducted by aliens and now he’s pregnant- WHAT?!”

He has about 40 saves and only two he actually plays.

Just a Big Ol’ Happy Family (Beelzebub)

Beel found the game, proceeded to make everyone in create-a-sim to the best of his abilities, and made everyone get along.

That’s why Sim-Lucifer and Sim-Belphie are on a swing set together, they’re friends :D

“Hey Luke do you think you can make this?” “I-is that a cake shaped like a hamburger?” “Yes. Please make.”

He took one look at the cooking options and decided to max out his Sim’s cooking skill to unlock all the options.

Beel proceeded to drool all over his keyboard. Gross...

Boy howdy did he have some crazy dinner suggestions!

Overall, very wholesome Sim-life, except for the time Sim-Levi died because the toilet caught fire, don’t worry, Sim-Beel knows how to make ambrosia.

All is good in the Sim save...

...until Sim-Beel ate pufferfish nigiri and fuckin died-

Wait Did I Not Pause- (Belphie)

Huh, this game looks fine... I’ll play for a little- *SNORE*

Belphie makes some sims, plops them into a starter home, plays for an hour, then falls asleep.

He wakes up five hours later to absolute carnage.

Three sims have died because someone decided to make Mac and Cheese and the oven caught fire, the kids were taken away by social services, and the dog ran away.

“...heheh, holy shit everyone look.”

He doesn’t play often, but when he does, death occurs. He has found out every death method for every game from Sims 2 to 4.

And that INCLUDES the Sims Medieval! You guys remember that game?

Sometimes it’s not intentional, but Belphie got bored with the totally normal life his sims were living and decided to spice it up.

“Why are the ghosts breaking my showers..?”

Help There’s a Bug- (Diavolo)

The Crown Prince started playing when he noticed Lucifer was playing it.

He was immediately obsessed.

Dia mostly plays the Sims Medieval because he likes the feeling of achievement after completing a quest!

“Barbatos... why isn’t my Sim completing their task? The icon won’t show up.” “My lord it appears the game is bugged.” “:(“

No one thought to tell Diavolo that EA doesn’t plan on offering bug support to a game made in like... 2009

This doesn’t matter! Look at how great his kingdom is doing- oh no his hero has the plague-

He plays through the Pirates and Nobles expansion and manages to get the peaceful ending, he’s so proud of himself.

“MC! Look! My Monarch’s sword is permanently on fire and I’m fighting an evil wizard!”

When he does play the other Sims games he’s pretty basic, though, he does a great job at furnishing!

Dia gets crazy sad when his Sims die... he turns off aging.

Builder no. 2 (Barbatos)

Barbie doesn’t have time for this... but when he does, he builds.

No create a sim.

No playing the game as intended.

Just builds.

It’s relaxing, okay? A nice little suburban house he’s never going to play in, maybe a treehouse, maybe a big Hollywood Mansion...

The only time he actually plays the game outside of build mode is when someone needs his help to fix something in-game.

He does download custom content build items if he feels bored by the current selection.

Oh Crap What Am I Doing?! (Simeon)

Help him. Please.

He’s so confused.

“Luke, why is my sim upset?” “He’s hungry, Simeon.” “Oh, how do I fix that?” “...Simeon-”

There’s a toilet in the middle of the living room.

The fridge is facing the wall.

There’s no bathtub or shower.

The house is on fire- there is no god- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Okay, once he gets the hang of it he’s sitting pretty. His sims have good jobs, the kids are getting good grades, everything’s fine.

...

But Simeon won’t forget the nightmares.

What Even is This Save? (Solomon)

Solomon’s save is the definition of chaos.

One sim’s a vampire, the other is a spellcaster that really wants to fight the Callientes for some reason, there’s one normal sim that’s always sick for some reason,

It gets weird, confusing, and horrible.

Just how Solomon likes it.

His house makes no sense, like, what even is architecture?

Money cheats are needed because Solomon‘a goal of chaos and confusion is proving to be kind of expensive.

Square up Mortimer Goth, Solomon’s sims are here to steal your weird knight statue that’s worth a shit ton of simoleons for NO REASON.

He joined the scientist career for the sole purpose of getting to the alien planet and kidnapping adding an alien to the household via cheats.

The vampire ended up dying on their wedding day because Solomon forgot that he gave them the sun weakness.

Oh well, the ghost got added to the household! VAMPIRE GHOST!

The Child (Luke)

Before you say Luke’s too young to play the Sims, you should know that I was nine when I first started playing, and I turned out fiiiiiiiiiine.

He’s just happy to be playing.

Look, his sims are gardening :D

Look, two of them are getting married :D

Look, they had a baby :D

Look, his sims are building a rocket ship :D

Look, his sims’s rocket just crashed-

The concept of death hit the little angel right in the face that day.

“*sniffle*... my sims...”

Don’t worry, with tears in his eyes, Luke quit without saving and everything was fine!

Speaking of My Sims, Luke played MySims Sky Heroes and that was when Luke had his first bout of gamer rage.

MC came over to hang out with Solomon and Simeon, and in the distance they could just hear:

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY TIME WASN’T FAST ENOUGH TO CONTINUE THE STORY!? I’LL SHOW YOU FAST ENOUGH TIME!”

Okay, maybe Simeon should take the game away... just for a bit... he should take heed not to be bitten by the incredibly angry chihuahua.

Bonus:

MC: Why are our Sims married?

*Insert Boy Here*: Uh... that’s weird... I have no clue why they’re doing that...

[amazingphilza]

study buddies :: cc!multiple x reader

fluff , platonic , gender neutral ! some headcanons if the mcyts were trying to help you do hw :D

cc’s included in order: tommyinnit , tubbo , ranboo , wilbur soot , philza , technoblade

tommyinnit

i feel like he’s the type to be in a long discord call with you whilst you both try to finish your work

mans uses the screensharing feature like there’s no tomorrow

“y/n watch my stream on discord and help me guess the answers”

“tommy no! i haven’t even taken a film class before”

“your guess is good as mine”

“just cheat and google the answers!!!”

“fuck you”

he actually just wants your attention because he’s bored out of his mind doing homework

five minutes later of asking you to help him guess questions he’s like

“hey y/n”

“what now?”

“let’s play bedwars”

“oh my god shut up!!!”

if tommy has to speedrun something before a deadline, it is a whole different story tho; he will be so focused on completing that he won’t hear what you’re saying

if you’re struggling in math, you’re on your own

“math is shit, only numbers i need is my primes and youtube analytics” says tommy any time you complain about math

besides the fact he isn’t good at solving math problems, you can’t even read his handwriting if he did try showing you how to do a problem

“okay, y/n, it’s simple, just look” he says in his kareninnit voice and everything

you’d be like “is the variable a G or a 9??”

“fuck you that’s a 4!!!”

tubbo

i don’t know if tubbo ever talked about school before but something about him makes me think he’s actually pretty good at math

like he can explain a few things when it comes to math / algebra

CODING GO BRRRR

no geometry or calculus though, anything past algebra will go bad

if tubbo is doing homework with you, he will definitely tune you out

“hey tubbo can you help me on this question?”

you don’t get a response until like 20 minutes later

“oh yeah, what was it y/n?”

like now you answer? i just got the answer myself after so long, forget you smh

“oh nothing tubbo, nevermind!”

but you’re still grumbling in your head because if he answered just a bit earlier you wouldn’t have gone through the work of finding the answer online

i can also imagine if you’re taking chemistry tubbo is like ;

“oh you’re taking chemistry? let’s make some bombs!” /lh

tubbo would definitely pull an all-nighter with you to finish your projects together

if you had a group project, he would make you do the writing part while he does the drawing part

“we definitely aced this project”

“of course we did, if i made you draw we would’ve ended up with stick figure diagrams”

“TUBBO. THE FUCK?”

ranboo

okay i know ranboo said he isn’t a theatre or band kid (unless im wrong and forgetful) but i feel like he’d be somewhat educated in the topics nonetheless

half the time he’s great moral support, helping you stay motivated !

the other half is him making fun of you

“i cant believe you’re failing, that is so sad, can’t be me”

“it’s literally an honors class, ranboo! it’s supposed to be hard!!”

“taking an honors class willingly? also cant be me AHAHA”

i honestly can’t see ranboo going to school like i know he’s a minor and said he had zoom calls before and plays volleyball but like did i miss something? has he dropped out yet? like something about ranboo does not scream “student” /lh

besides that, i’m not sure what subject he would actually be good in,,, but something about nutrition/health sciences,, he knows a few things

don’t get me wrong, i don’t think he actually likes the subject but somehow remembers what he learned from the class

also gives me the type of energy of the type of person to take a first aid class to be a certified person to do cpr on someone just to kill time during his lunch breaks for a while or something

“i am a certified cpr person”

“my life in ranboo’s hands? oh god please no”

you two would probably joke about the ‘bad’ people in your classes or talk shit about your schools than actually doing anything homework related ngl AHAHAH

“you think your school is down bad? mine went back to campus full time after like 6 months into quarantine because they were running out of money”

“what the hell y/n? your school is a scam, drop out”

“arghhhh i knowww”

“i bet i make more money than your teachers combined AHAHAH”

wilbur soot

he doesn’t seem like the best person to ask for help for homework but can info dump you on very specific historical events + a bit of geography

i kinda see him as the person you can ask to proof read an essay for you and would help it improve immensely

who needs a thesaurus when you have vocabulary boy wilbur?

i dunno if it’s an american thing only or at all, but if/when you get to studying hamilton in your english class, he will get so fucking excited

“no wilbur it isn’t fun! imagine listening to lin-manuel miranda rap ‘alexander hamilton’ at the white house from like 2009 on repeat for over an hour whilst trying to write an analysis about it!! it was so distracting”

“well clearly someone has a personal problem with mr lin-manuel. if i were you, i’d be singing the whole thing”

is this last bit personal and complete spite from my freshman year english class? yes. i do not care? no. /hj

unrelated but i actually scribbled nice guy ballad lyrics and other songs on my english scratch papers in freshman year but anyway

probably isn’t the best person to be in a call to do homework with but wilbur doesn’t mind you ringing him occasionally sometimes

i dunno i can just see him easily get bored of the silence or something but also doesn’t want to bother you too much

but he is genuinely proud of you whenever you tell him you aced a big test you were studying for :D

philza

this man’s bad advice is as bad as him trying to help you on any subject

he’s an old man so /hj

but like honestly, he hasn’t been at school for so long, phil can probably only help with the most basic things when it comes to school

if you have a wack teacher that makes you collect data through surveying people, phil would be one of the best people to ask! straightforward and won’t take too much of your time compared to other people ahem,,

statistics things ! sobs

if you ever complain a lot about your classes and contemplating dropping out and stuff, he will def scold you hard

“ugh phillllllllll can i just like,, never go to school again?”

“do not drop out”

“argh fine, i won’t just ‘cause philza minecraft said so”

honestly if you get a high score in a big test like your sats/gcse’s (whatever you’re taking from wherever you are) he’d probably order you a small meal or something to celebrate :D

like how phil bought ranboo bought him food to his house, it would start as a joke but when you get your test scores back he’s like “YOOO GOOD JOB Y/N”

expect a left meat pizza coming to your house .

technoblade

like wilbur, techno is also helpful when it comes to history!

def knows a decent bit of literature too

besides that i don’t really see him being that helpful

even if he was supposed to be an english major

he will just get mad at the school system for teaching you useless things

“being in school is good but why do you need to know how to know if something is a triangle or not? i can obviously see with my eyes that it’s a triangle”

“i dunno! ask the person that made up geometry”

“just look at a kaleidoscope and be over with it, it isn’t that hard”

“that isn’t how it works—”

“bruhhh”

if you’re looking for the person to call while doing homework, he is not the person /lh

it’s either like 0 or 100 with techno

he can just completely not say anything and ignore you or go on a full rant about whatever class or homework you have

if you have an essay you need written, it will take a lot of bribing but he might take the opportunity if you are rich

“techno i’ll paypal you $10 please help me”

“no. i can make 10 times that amount in 5 minutes if i just started streaming right now”

“techno i don’t have that kind of money! pleaseee”

“no. instead of complaining, you can use that time to actually start you work”

“you’re the worst”

then you speedrun the essay and get an A just to spite him

[alelelesimz]

izzy's dag-dag the artist... tag

RULES

Show us a rendition of yourself in your own art! Can be anything! Sims render? Random stick figure? Picrew? Go nuts! (Just be sure to tag the artist if you use someone else's picrew!!!!) Tag the blogs you want to know, and don't be a dick that's it! Also, feel free to answer as vague or in-depth as you want. And if you don't want to answer a question for any reason just don't vibe with it! Skip it if you wanna! Also make sure you tag me and use #dagdagtheartisttag so I can see it!!!!!!!!

thanks for tagging me @almost-spring!!!

QUESTIONS

1.) Do you prefer to be referred to by your name or blog name?

they’re the same lmao

2.) Where are you from?

venezuela!! i live in spain tho

3.) Do you have pets? 👀

no i WISH but i don’t have the time to properly take care of a pet

4.) Tell us about your "dream".

i just wanna have a job that doesn’t completely feel like a drag and enough money to not worry too much honestly lol

5.) Aside from art, what are your hobbies?

videogames, sleep.. that’s it i don’t have much more time 

6. )Does anyone irl know about your blog?

nah. however almost everyone in my life knows i play the sims for some reason

7.)Do you know anyone from your blog irl?

no but that’d be nice!

8.) What are some fun facts about you?

 I DONT KNOW ive been thinking about this and jesus christ

9.) What's your day job?

waitress 🙃

10.) Do you have a celebrity look alike?

no one that i’m aware

11.) What's your aesthetic?

grown up emo with oversized clothes only. i’ve been told i dress like a video game character or “kinda punk” which are both correct

12.) What kind of artist are you?

the one that doesn’t do as much art as they should

13.) How did you get into your form of art?

if we’re talking editing in general i started messing around with photoshop when i was 13 i think, but just sims edits idk i just stumbled upon simblr while looking for cc and realized people were doing cool stuff on here so i started doing the same

14.) What do you watch/listen/read/anything else while you create?

sometimes music, but most of the time either podcasts or whatever is on my watch later playlist on youtube

15.) What is your favorite of your own creations so far? 

i think this one and this one turned out really nice

16.) How would you describe your art style?

eclectic?? i just do whatever haha

17.) What is more satisfying to you coloring or outlining? 

coloring!

18.) What meme would you use to describe yourself?

everyone i know irl has send me every miyazaki meme cause they know how much i relate

19.) What character from any media form do you most identify with?

every time i see a question like this i can only think of bojack horseman which is a TERRIBLE thing but it is what it is!!

20.) If you were on the run, what would you change your name to?

uhh just anything that is not in spanish i guess

21.) Have you ever or do you want to change blog names?

yea my blog name sucks lmao

22.) God forbid Tumblr decides to pull a MySpace and lets us have page songs, what song would you choose? 

none ugh

23.) Oh yeah, I'm still on the MySpace train and I'm starting discourse! Who's your top 8?

idk? the mutuals i actually interact with 

24.) Did you understand those references or did you have to look them up? (I'm fully away I'm ancient, but are you?)

dude

25.) One last question; why are you like that?

good fucking question!!

Dag dag?

Now tag tag!!!

i’ll tag @aniraklova @ladykendalsims @void-imp @madeofcc @hufflepuff-sim​ and uhh whoever wants to do it :p (also feel free to ignore it!)

[lady-plantagenet]

What hasn’t already been said: The Spanish Princess 2

Episode 1: CamelNOT

[Lively Music Plays]

I shit you not... that’s what it said in the CCs.

Tower of London (?)

*Catherine looks at the array of crowns like a museum curator and the proceeds to strut down the halls*

Wolsey: *gives her this strange look which is a mixture between damn girl and the eagle is my spirit animal.

Then Catherine gets fake detained and taken to Henry in what must be a strange variation of the whole Robin Hood/Maid Marian roleplay they historically engaged in.

... did she just call his erhm manhood his kingship? Well that’s original, I’ll give them that. Also funny how Bessie Blount initially looks on in fright... don’t worry girl that will be you soon.

———————————————————————

*the four ladies have a brunch friendship moment together*

I see Blount is among them... I see they are setting her up as Catherine’s friend in order to play up the whole betrayal.

Alright. Jokes aside, I realised how much I’ve played myself. I was inspired by @melusineloriginale ‘s sporks (which if all this TSP episode posts got you in the mood for PG show mockery I urge you to check out here - you’ll thank me later). In truth, Henry VIII’s early reign is a bit too late from my main area of focus for me to make intelligent jokes.

I’ll content myself with just bullet-pointing random thoughts that came into my head, and if some intelligent thought gets through, well that would be the pinnacle. In any case I’ll aim to not parrot some of the stuff that’s already been said, repetition can get annoying.

This image embodies this post, but maybe not the show. I’ve noticed those Starz productions get better by the end.

First Scenes:

- The recap just reminded me how much I will miss Margaret Beaufort in the coming episodes. I know her portrayal was innacurate but Harriet Walter just made everything better.

- They are making such a big deal out of this whole ‘we were crowned together, we rule together’ thing in this episode - it makes no sense. Catherine was an influential Queen but she was definitely no more than a consort and never saw herself as more.

- Ruairi’s new haircut is pleasing to my eyes.

- When she says ‘Abuelo’ it’s super adorable awww

The Ferdinand and Charles V scene:

- Bessie Blount looks so much like Ursula Pole lmao. Also they totally got the Pole children’s birth order wrong and UGH WHERE IS GEOFFREY POLE???

- I like Mary Tudor’s actress and her facial expressions. However, this whole polyglot image they are representing is innacurate. I am fairly certain she knew no spanish and I recall reading a contemporary account which said that she was not very learned.

- I’m pretty sure it would be considered bad luck to prematurely crown your son ‘Henry IX’ while you’re still alive.

- I actually like the whole Grape motif in this episode. It’s probably the smartest thing they’ve come up with so far for this episode. I know a lot of you will be all like ‘there’s no record of Ferdinand being abusive’ but this choice sort of makes sense when you recall Joanna’s treatment. Also I appreciate them for not being tacky and showing flashbacks of more overt abuse eg physical. The sugared grape is also fairly symbolic (the sugar is like a gilding, the grape easily crushable)

- OMG the guy from Garrow’s law is playing Thomas More!

- AND PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME IM NOT SEEING THINGS? Margaret Pole x Thomas More is happening?? Please god that is a historical crackship I am getting behind. Yes. This is what I’m most invested about.

Margaret Tudor and Scotland Scene:

- The whole ironic cutaway to Margaret being all depressed after Charles Brandon’s statement about her charming Scottish king is such a cliché movie technique.

- If this were a more artsy film I would think the whole setup resembling a stereotypical middle-class family breakfast was done on purpose for humorous effects or to create a link with the past. But here I don’t have as much trust in the producers. I think they just failed to capture the time period accurately.

- The modernisms continue: ‘Negassi please stop playing’ idk, there just something so modern about this for some reason ahaha

- Also again, I’m getting tired of all this ‘Catherine is basically queen herself’, ‘Catherine is a political genius’, ‘Catherine Catherine Catherine’ ugh. I don’t think the producers understand that Henry VIII was a very autocratic and traditional ruler. He didn’t make any show of joint-rulership (correct me if I’m wrong).

- The teeth thing is funny, smart and I liked it.

Back to Westminster:

- I like Ferdinand’s actor!

- Also Catherine’s response to ‘who are you loyal to?’ was not that smart. I feel like the producers wanted us to be impressed. What if Spain and England’s interests conflict, ey??

The Joust:

- I care too much for the whole Margaret Pole plotline. I’m so invested.

- I could watch a series of More and Pole just exchanging lines. I love the actors too and this is my hope for this series. The whole frustrated parents is SO CUTE.

- I didn’t know More tutored Reggie, I would be curious to know more.

- The way compton says groom to queen’s stool is freaking hilarious. He looks like a pervert.

- Henry Pole is a darling and must be protected at all costs.

- Oh Christ oh Christ that eyeball shot was just... good job on the special effects guys. Don’t know what the point of that choice was.

- I found the whole armour mentions after interesting, it looked so set up as a PR campaign because Stafford speaking about the armour just sounded like a statement agreed on beforehand ‘should have worn the same’ and the Catherine with ‘steel in the bones’ and Ferdinand’s impressed face (it was him playing them?)

- Am I giving this show too much credit?

- Also whats up with “God save the Queen?”

War Counsel:

- Henry VIII’s actor is quite charismatic in this scene. It’s almost as if Catherine is the hothead and Henry the wise one that speaks less but more significantly. It almost feels like they gender-swapped them.

The Bedchamber:

- Did Catherine breastfeed the baby? I thought it was Anne Boleyn. Doubtful... I’m tired of the trope of ‘you’re a good woman if you insist on breastfeeding the child yourself despite social conventions’. For a feminist show, the writers seem very attached to some 1950s perceptions of motherhood.

- I feel like the age difference between Catherine and Henry is well conveyed.

Scotland Again:

- ‘All the sheep were pregnant’ 👀 oh touché Margaret. oh my. Did she just?

- I know they are playing out this disenfranchised Margaret arc to reinforce how great Catherine and Henry are (cheap technique) and to build up to her involvement in Flodden (innacurate historically but I know what the show will do). But I will say this: the humour is pretty good in the Scottish scenes! But I know it’s unintentionally so... (I highly doubt they wanted us to laugh at Margaret hitting James or calling Alexander a pig).

Westminster and the baby chamber:

- What’s are those red splotches on the babies face??

- Oh that shot of Margaret and silent Reginald :((( it makes me sad.

- And now the Poles are at church! I just love the look of them.

- That scene of Maggie and Catherine was needed, as we didn’t get the best friends vibe much in this episode. The whole thing looked a bit pagan though, but it was nice :)

The whole Ferdinand’s betrayal segment:

- The grape motif again was fitting, him snapping the fruit right before she gets to it even despite her knowing what he’s like and what he’ll do, was a good parrallel.

- I’m tired of hearing of this ‘Camelot’. Even in the novel, Camelot was Catherine and Arthur’s dream and... can we just live it up with Arthur?

- Ursula Pole’s, Bessie Blount’s and Mary Boleyn’s actresses look way too similar.

- I fail to see why Catherine thinks she’s turning into her father... she doesn’t strike me as much of a game-player or subtle two-facer.

- I’m intrigued what will happen with Oviedo and Lina... I feel like they won’t stay in England long.

- He was made knight bannaret... nice... but why does he thank Catherine publicly for this? It was in Henry’s gift that he was made a commoner Knight.. if this transpired irl Henry would have been gravely insulter.

Catherine’s Dead Baby and thereafter:

- Guys. In all seriousness, I don’t think the TV series is trying to imply that Catherine killed the baby with her negligence. I mean, they are so bent on us liking her they wouldn’t do that. It would be a bit too ballsy anyway. Remember the red splotches I mentioned earlier? Could those have been a sign that he was already ill but no one noticed/was in denial?

- The pebbles in hands would have had more emotional payoff if it had been established earlier if you know what I mean. Basically, this episode is too fast and entire arcs begin and end within it which extinguished any build-up.

- Oh man Henry is so sweet in this, how will they build him up as the tyrant he was historically if they keep this up?

Scotland Again:

- I must admit, I don’t like all those nicknames they keep using. But somehow James calling Margaret ‘Meg’ is nice and seems fitting.

- What’s a hermana sister?

England Last Mourning Scenes:

- YOU DID NOT BUILD CAMELOT ughhh

- Why is Catherine giving the speech and not Henry?? It turns out Catherine was more emotional historically then the whole perception of ‘perfect queen of stone’ to which some people hold her. However, I doubt it would have been proper of her to give a speech in such a emotional manner.

Conclusion:

6.5/10

Some of the dialogue was stilted, the costumes are confused as to which era they’re supposed to be (aesthetically distracting) and many other characterisation issues.

I don’t have high hopes for this series in terms of cinematography or art but I sure as hell expect it will be entertaining. So far, everything is just getting set up and I find some aspects promising. As you can tell I am truly excited over how the Margaret Pole plotline. I am also interested in how Henry will be portrayed, with Catherine being so OTT and pushy this episode Im starting to Stan him more. In this show he appears sensitive and serene and kinda... adorable. Kind of like a little brother hanging onto his sister’s skirts.

But in a way that is a disservice to the real historical figure which would not tolerate such a representation. I am very irritated by this whole ‘joint-rulers’ thing which is just sooo innacurate. These STARZ shows have an obsession with showing women turn into men for the purposes of feminism - I see.

Catherine overpowers Henry too often and it sometimes feels like he’s HER consort. Of course, the feminism in this show is schizophrenic as we get the overemphasis of Catherine as a 1950s motherly ideal with the whole breastfeeding angle (“you’re better than other noble woman who would find this beneath them”, “they’re not as motherly as you”).

So the relationship dynamic between Henry and Catherine is a bit off at the moment, but oh well.

Mary Tudor is a bit distracting with her dark hair but I find the actress extremely endearing and promising. I know there will be emphasis on her storyline too and I hope they’ll not be clichéd with it.

[baskervilleshound]

Her Cookies Were to Die For (PART 4)

Snatcher’s eyes narrowed, and he began to wring his claws. He looked agitated…and confused.

“You…looked inside me? Kid, that’s a little screwed up, I have to say,” the ghost finally said. “I didn’t know your mask could look inside people.”

“It can’t!” Hat Kid squeaked. “But you’re not listening to me- something is literally strangling you in there! The spiky thing is stuck, and then there’s these strings that are squeezing your insides. We…we have to take it out…?? But I don’t even know if that’s possible….PECK!”

Snatcher was taken aback by how frantic Hat Kid was getting. He had seen Hat Kid disgruntled, sure. When he had made her clean that haunted outhouse, the little pipsqueak had been disgusted, and furious! She had been so mad at him for that- he could see it on her little face. Oh, he could almost smile at the memory. But not right now.

The kid was freaking out. Over something inside him. Was that even possible? Apparently, according to Hat, it was. But honestly, he didn’t want to think about it, and decided he wasn’t going to.

“Listen kiddo, that mask probably just…messed up or something. Or maybe you’re just losing your mind. That seems to be more possible, given your track record of willingly falling to your death out of my trees all over something as silly as yarn.”

Snatcher laughed and shook his head, yawning.

Hat Kid stamped her foot, barely missing the mask on the floor.

“No, I’m not crazy! I saw it, Snatcher! It moved! I saw--!”

“Who’s ready for breakfast?”

Both Snatcher and Hat Kid turned to see Cooking Cat in the doorway once again.

“Come on. That’s enough bickering then. You’re probably both just a little hangry.”

Hat Kid let out a huff and crossed her arms before turning her back on Snatcher and walking out her door. Snatcher caught a whiff of the bacon, and immediately pulled himself out from under the pillows and blanket. If the kid was mad at him or not, he wasn’t missing out on such a delicious, greasy treat.

Hat Kid sat alone at her large captain’s chair, a plate of blueberry pancakes on her lap. She simply stared at the planet revolving below her ship through the gigantic glass window. Snatcher coiled himself on the floor cozily, munching on a rather copious amount of bacon. He was a rather large creature, and Cooking Cat had certainly been aware of that fact as she cooked for him.

If Snatcher wasn’t so full of pride, he would have admitted that he was very thankful for the consideration. However, he was. So no one would be getting any thanks. Not today.

Cooking Cat looked at Hat Kid, who was still turned out and staring at the sky, and then Snatcher, who seemed to not have a care in the world.

“What did you do to her, hm?” questioned CC as she suspiciously eyed Snatcher. “Do I need to take that plate away from you to get an answer?”

“I didn’t do anything. No contracts, no chores, nothing. I just took a nap. That’s all,” Snatcher said nonchalantly, pouring the rest of the bacon in his mouth and swallowing it whole so Cooking Cat wouldn’t even have the chance to take it from him.

With a cocky wink, he handed her his empty plate.

“If you weren’t sick, I’d step on your tail,” said the cat.

“He thinks I’m stupid, and won’t listen to me even though I saw something spiky hurting him in his tummy,” Hat Kid finally cut in as she slowly spun around in her chair. “He’s a big meanie.”

“Kid, I’m not even bein’ mean! If you want, I could write up a few chores for you to do in my forest again- now that would be mean.” The Snatcher laughed, hard, before wiping a nonexistent tear from his eyes.

“Now those were good times- we should do it again!”

Snatcher didn’t get a response from either Hat Kid, or Cooking Cat. But he didn’t mind. Honestly, he needed to get back to his forest, anyways.

“Welp, I’ve got lots of stuff to do today. Gotta recount my minions and make sure they’re all doing their jobs. Smell ya later, kid!” Snatcher cackled before vanishing from the ship.

“Ugh. Bye,” Hat Kid grumbled, spinning in her chair once more as she poked at her pancakes.

---

Once Snatcher was back in his hallow home, he picked up the gift box that had been sent to him by Vanessa, along with the note, and disposed of it. He was mad that he even dared to eat those cookies. They made him sick!

He should have known better than to eat anything sent by her. He should have known better, especially after what she had done to him years ago over the bacon. She had undercooked it, so badly that it made him very ill. Snatcher had a horrible feeling that she had done it on purpose- she always acted so weird whenever he enjoyed his breakfast.

Vanessa would sigh and watch him with a cold distant look in her eyes. Almost a look of hatred at the fact that he found so much pleasure in his favorite food…and not her in that very moment, instead.

So, she made him ill. He remembered being ill for days after that breakfast. By the time he had gotten over it, he had lost a good amount of weight- so much so that his pants were loose by the end of it. He had needed a belt.

And then…when she learned he still did enjoy bacon even after being incredibly sick from it, she banned it from the castle entirely.

All because…Vanessa hadn’t wanted him to like that food, more than her…

Well I still like bacon very much, so there. Joke’s on you, Vanessa.

Was it just his mind playing tricks on him, or was thinking about that time bacon made him sick making him queasy?

Immediately, Snatcher grew angry. Still feeling ill, yes, but also angry. How DARE he still let Vanessa’s memory taunt him so. He wasn’t weak- he didn’t care about her! So why was he suddenly starting to feel so…oh god, so nauseous…?

Quickly, the ghost darted out the door of his home. As expected, his minions were stood in line for their monthly counting.

“Hey, boss!” a few of them chimed the moment that Snatcher showed his face outside.

“All of you. Go away. Scram! You get the day off, shoo!” Snatcher barked, urgently waving the minions away as he floated past them.

“Boss, what’s wrong with your face?”

“You’re turning blue, boss!”

“Haha, you told the kid you can’t turn blue! Such a kidder! You sure showed her!”

“I swear- I will eat every single one of you if you don’t go away right now,” Snatcher hissed.

Nearly the entire army of minions shrugged before disbanding, cheering about how they had a day off.

Thank heavens.

Snatcher immediately made himself scarce. He went to hide in the best place that he could think to go. The place where no one would willingly go unless they wanted to die by the hands that came up from underneath ominously black muck- the bog. It was already disgusting there. Not a soul would be close by if he were to get sick again- and Snatcher felt at this point that it was extremely likely that he would.

Floating above the muck, he watched as one of the hands from beneath the water dared try to touch him. In an instant, he had given it a hard smack, sending it splashing back down into the muck.

Carefully, the ghost made his way over to one of the rickety docks, and finally lied himself across it. Maybe if he lied still enough, it would just go away. Ignoring it would make it stop, right?

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#29)

5x06! The theme of this episode for me is: Maybe Billy and Mindy Are Gonna Be Okay Parents After All!!

all the feels under the cut:

Lol whenever it’s a Luke episode they start in church.

Who else is at church? Let’s see: Julie’s back looking like she wants to Die, and Buddy Jr. fell asleep; Vince and Jess look adorable side by side in the pew.

“Eric Taylor: Kingmaker.” Lol Tami’s reaction is correct: “Kingmaker? Jesus Christ.”

Yeeeesh Julie trying to explain why she’s home from college is soooo cringe.

“What a good lookin couple” @ Julie and Buddy Jr. like they’re five year olds like nooo absolutely not! don’t do that to Julie, Buddy.

Every time Vince’s dad is here I’m so anxious bc I’m truly just waiting for him to break Vince’s heart again!

Omg the mayhem in the Riggins home when Tim calls, between Mindy and Becky and Billy! And omg Mindy sitting on Becky’s legs to keep her from getting up to try to say hi to Tim. Awww they all miss him so much—as do I!

Oh god and now an old enemy is here to press Vince for FIVE Gs???

Julie looks so cute trying to head back to school but I’m scared for her! She has a difficult situation she’s driving back to...if she is actually driving back to college!

Omgggg she just purposefully crashed the car to keep from having to go back???? FUCK, destructive behavior!!!

Aw I’m glad Vince is confiding in Jess about the money but...what are they gonna do 😭

Oh poor Luke, TMU wasn’t interested in him after all! I can see he’s gonna spiral.

Really, they’re all holding the Eric Taylor magazine in the bleachers? Lol

Oh shit the branding themselves thing made it back to the coaches?? TOO MUCH

“It’s every coach’s dream to experience the highest form of idiocy they can muster. And gentlemen, collectively us coaches, we are living our dreams.” Lmaooooooo

Ugh Julie isn’t telling Tami anything about school 🤦🏻‍♀️ “what’s going on?” TAMI KNOWS. Oh god making her promise to not freak out when she’s about to tell her mom she fucked a married TA.

“She slapped me in front of everyone, the whole dorm. I can’t go back there and I don’t know what to do.” Ugh Tami is a good parent for listening pretty non judgmentally considering the subject matter.

Ugh Eric being angry af and asking how old he is, same! “I’m gonna go up there and kick his ass! Who is up there messing around with students, with my damn daughter? One of the TAs?” CORRECT GO OFF ERIC

“Honey, our daughter is destroyed right now. That’s what we need to focus on.” also true ugh they’re such a good partnership

Ugh Eric immediately knowing she wrecked the car on purpose. He’s right and aw Tami doesn’t believe it.

“Maybe i should go traveling.” Uh Julie gurl no you should not! You’re making lots of bad choices and Tami is right, you need to take some responsibility for it!

“I just don’t get why I couldn’t talk to Tim for five minutes.” “Omg Becky because it’s a prison and not a dorm.” Correct, Mindy.

Omg dying at Mindy basically saying “I think you need to have some sex so you’ll stop lusting after a man in prison who is just your friend.” Love this scene of them shopping together!

Is Eric leaving early bc of Julie reasons or football reasons? I think Julie.

“Did you know he was married and had a wife?” Yeah I’d be as hurt as Eric is rn too.....bc she did that! ugh cheating is so awful

Oooooh Vince gave the guy that partial payment and stood up for himself...I’m scared for him! Ah!

“Our daughter slept with another man’s husband.” As someone who’s dad is a dirty cheater, I feel Eric’s disappointment but Tami is right that she needs y’all!

Luke is mad at Vince now. Well fook. They had just buried the hatchet and Vince didn’t know about the TMU bait and switch! This recruiting culture is so toxic.

Oh fuck no this dude is threatening and harassing Jess instead of Vince???? Omg he’s threatening to burn down the bbq joint?! Oh god

Awww Billy tearing up while watching old game tape of Tim’s, my heart🥺

Oh god belligerent Luke is here for Becky now. Billy really is growing up, realizing Luke is drunk and pulling him inside to keep him from driving WOW

Awww the baby in the landing strip dressing room with Becky, what a cute image.

Good point, Billy! “Were you thinking about scholarships when you were playing football at eight years old?”

Oh and he’s letting out a war cry?? Lol “I may have been the smallest guy in my team but I had heart.” Billy’s little speeches are starting to stack up.

Did Vince almost go to Eric but come to his dad instead? Ruh roh!

“Used to be Kennard wasn’t nothing but a little corner boy.” Is this a Wire reference? Lol bc very good one if so.

Oh shitttt this scene of Eric and Tami trying to get Julie to go to college is A LOT. 😭

Fuck! Eric hasn’t shown up to the game bc of this Julie thing, it’s really tearing him up!

Oh wow is this gonna be a Big Moment for Billy leading the team out?

“It’s Friday night in our house.” Oh here we go another Billy Riggins original!

And here’s Eric listening to Billy’s speech! Billy Becomes A Man

“It’s a good job.” Eric says. wow he got that approval! Billy really made it!

“Who you are on that field tonight is who you’re gonna be for the rest of your life, fellas.” And a classic Eric Taylor speech too as they walk out onto the field!

I knew Vince’s dad was gonna confront this dude himself and not actually call in favors. Oh shit he beat the SHIT out of Kennard, I see what they said about him being the king of the block before....the fact that his dad is beating the shit out of Kennard on the other side of the fence as where Vince is playing! DAMN.

Two types of dads in Dillon, huh? Geez!

Yay Luke puts the ball in the lil case at the bar for this game! Maybe things are looking up.

“I’m gonna take credit for everything you did tonight and I’m gonna live off that for awhile.” Wow am I actually proud of Billy’s ability to mentor Luke? Growth.

“By the time we’re done we’re gonna get you a scholarship anywhere you wanna go in the country.” My heart

Ooh and Mindy is playing match maker with Luke and Becky still!

You’re still not over Tim Riggins, Becky??? Mindy making sure that Becky isn’t waiting on Tim getting out of prison is actually a very good move. Oh shit and she’s pulling Luke from her husband over to Becky!!! “You’re both young and hot and you both need to get laid.” Love that she told them to screw like bunnies but made sure to mention protection! So funny.

(Lol Luke being so flustered and saying he promises he didn’t tell Mindy to say that, so cute! I’m dead.)

“You ain’t gotta worry about nothin. Just play football, do what you do.” Oh boy I do NOT believe that. Jess and Vince’s families eating pie together is way too nice, it’s gonna have to be messed up soon I’m assuming!

Damn Vince’s dad talking about how much prison sucks hits hard. “You’re sad all the time and you don’t know if you’ll ever be happy again.” Yep! Maybe prisons don’t actually help people rehabilitate themselves but just disappear social problems and make them worse!

Awww Gracie is so cute and sleepy and Eric’s thinking, hey at least you didn’t fuck someone’s husband yet LOL

“I didn’t mean to disappoint you.” oh Julie! Not just me who got that vibe! Yes we are all sadly very disappointed!

cc @lockitin @iconic-ponytail

[atlafan]

It’s Monday, I’m back from dance, showered with clean bedding and now I’m in bed with my favorite snack a Jordan fic!! Ohhh goodness we are in for it! Sub Harry?!!? 👀👀 also where can I sign up to get a photoshop master class from you?! Having the mid 20s life crisis and questioning my knowledge and knowing if I should know more lolllll! Anyway onto bookclub!! Also tax attorney, me getting all my 2020 taxes together... yay adulthood! “gym-class-heroes” aka me in middle school before puberty and hormones and judge mental middle school girls!! Wow I really expressing a lot of personal emotion in bookclub... don’t mind me! “He never met another girl like her, and there were times he really did miss her.” Is it bad that I want this to be a goal of mine? Harry panicking when Blair is coming for their meeting, banging his knee and asking if he looks alright or has anything in his teeth! 🤣 “I don’t trust anyone else to take care of me.” Ahhhh I’m crying! So much is happening!!! “And no offense, but my friends don’t fuck a ton of women weekend after weekend and treat them like shit.” I ALMOST SPITTED OUT THE ORANGE I WAS EATING!!! IM SCREAMING!!! “I take it back you’re not a weasel, you’re the devil.” Something I would say to Harry! The way Harry still remembers everything, every little thing, about Blair!!! “They had a really special bond that was hard to find with just any one.” I’m feisty from the fight but soft because they have cute moments and their past... ugh this hurting so good! “He liked that she kept things simple.” I love the simple little things! Those are the best and honestly best memories as well! Them reminiscing in bed about their first meeting and date!! “Pretty sure I did a good job making you forget about any other guy you had ever been with.” Boy you better say that to me irl!!! Okay I really need this chat from Harry about things will pass and major life change because man I have been going through some shit and it sucks!!! “Your early twenties fucking suck.” Scream it from the mountaintops. “I want to help my girlfriend who is insanely frazzled.” WHY IS HE SO CUTE?!? Now I want to be held!!! “I let you lay me on the counter and lick chocolate sauce and whipped cream off my body. Then I did the same to you.” 👀👀👀 screaming wax! Wow this story I really relate to!! Just the relationship and the conversations! “Couldn’t have my baby being sore the next morning, could I?” Please do this to me after my long day of rehearsals!! “You’re always good at doing exactly what I say.” I want to say this to Harry but more importantly I want Harry to say this to me!! I’m the good girl!! “which I’m pretty excited about since I’m still hopelessly in love with her.” Ahhhhhh!!! I want this so fucking bad!! Stop calling me single I already know!!!! Ohhh yes the sex conversation!!! Talk to your partner and discuss needs and wants as well as things to avoid!!! “You know how much I love all your ties, I’d love to tie you up with them.” My kinks are showing!!! “He had me wrapped around his finger from the second we met.” Me! As a dancer who danced their whole life and has big ass D cup titties I understand! I like bralettes but no support but bras are too annoying! It’s a love hate relationship with titties!!! Tbh if I ever teach an open class of some sort I wouldn’t mind having Harry join! I want to teach him modern!! Oh boy the foreplay! He really missed her mentally and PHYSICALLY!! “Just wanna be as close as possible tonight, baby.” Wax!!! “We’ve got a lot of time to make up for.” AHHHHHHHH!!!! Who knew this story would just be me WISHING I had a fucking man in my life!! Oh god this one hit differently!! I don’t know why but I do but also don’t!! Oh god I need a breather! I have a lot to think about! Love love love!!!

OKAY so with the photoshop, don’t feel bad about thinking you need the skill. If your job and every day life don’t require it, then it’s really not a big deal. I will say, it’s really easy to use. I only do basic stuff with it, like idk how professional editors do some of the things they do, or like I have no idea how to brush away acne and stuff (I use the app facetune for that), but for basic stuff, photoshop is really simple. Also, adobe has a ton of how to videos and insutrctions for just about everything, and there are other people that make how to videos as well. Whenever I don’t know how to do something I just google it, and it’s usually not too difficult to figure out. I do the same with with Adobe Premiere CC, like in the last youtube video I made I needed to do a freeze frame, so I just looked up how to do it and it was super simple. 

AS FOR THE REST THANK YOU AS ALWAYS!!!

[memesiders]

Part 5

Death x OC Office AU

I hit send and sighed, leaning back in my seat. Three cancelations, two rescheduled meetings, and a bunch of chain letter spam all before one. Not to mention the hour I spent on the phone trying to get a definitive time for one of the rescheduled appointments.

“It gets easier,” Nora reminded me for the fourth time today. There were dark circles under her eyes and she seemed less cheerful than she had earlier.

“Will it? Cause right now, all I want to do is reach through the phone and choke out the next person who won’t give me an answer,” I replied, rubbing my temples.

“It will, trust me. Just give it a year or two.” I snorted at her comment and she smiled, patting my back. “Seriously, it’ll get easier. You have to really practice patience.” I cursed under my breath and she laughed, picking up another call as the phone rang. I turned in my chair, moving from side to side.

My eyes landed on the elevator that Death and his brothers had gone in earlier. None of them had come down since then. What were they talking about, I wondered? Were they fighting? Discussing vacation plans? I chuckled quietly as the image of Death in a large sunhat, a Hawaiian shirt, and khakis popped into my head. I’d pay to see that. Though I’d bet money that Death never took any time away from work; he didn’t seem the type.

Maybe if his siblings dragged him out, even if only for a night on the town? Did he ever go bar hopping or clubbing? I could see him sitting at a bar in low lighting, a glass of whiskey in his hand. He’d be wearing a leather jacket and nice fitting jeans with some boots, and all the women would be afraid to make the first move, but some confident lady would chat him up and all the other girls would be seething with jealousy, wondering if she was the one he was going to take home tonight.

When had I started fantasizing about my boss and his life?

“Az,” Nora said, pinching me. I winced and swirled back to her, scowling. She pointed towards the doors and I looked over, sitting up straight as Neema walked in. Her short pecan curls stuck out from under her beanie, her oversized band shirt hanging off of one shoulder. She had on a pair of ratty old boots that Safiya had given her years ago and her pants had paint smudges all over them. She smiled brightly at me, waving wildly. I waved back, smiling myself, and stood as she ran over, throwing herself into my arms.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, hugging her tightly.

“I was bored so I thought I’d drop by and see your new job,” she answered, clinging to me tightly. I frowned slightly. Something was wrong, I could tell, but I wasn’t going to push the subject here. I kissed the top of her head and pulled back, gesturing to Nora.

“This is Nora.” The two waved at each other. My phone rang and I held up a finger, picking it up. “Hello, thank you for calling the CC Corporation, how may I help you?”

“Nora?” an unfamiliar voice asked.

“This is not her, I’m sorry. My name is Aziza; do you need to speak to Nora?”

“No, my apologies. I didn’t know there was someone new. Please, forgive me.”

“It’s quite alright. May I ask why you’re calling?”

“Ah, yes, I need to speak with Death, please.”

“And who is this?”

“Azrael.” I put my hand over the voice box and looked at Nora.

“An Azrael is calling,” I said, lowering my voice.

“Put him through to whoever he wants,” she immediately replied. I nodded and uncovered the speaker, replying.

“Alright, I’ll patch you through.”

“Thank you very much,” Azrael said.

“No problem!” I hit the forward call button and hung up, turning back to Neema. She was smiling proudly at me. I returned it.

“My big sister is growing up so fast,” she said, faking a sniffle. I rolled my eyes playfully and checked the time. It was time for my break.

“You wanna go for a walk? I have a half hour to burn,” I suggested. She nodded and I let Nora know I’d be back before leaving the building. We started walking, no destination in mind. I glanced over as we wandered, noticing a frown curving her lips. Whatever was wrong was really bothering her. I wanted to ask but I was unsure of how to approach the subject. Was she upset with me? No, she wouldn’t have come if she was mad at me. Was it Safiya? Had something happened at home?

“Why are you staring at me?” I jumped as she looked at me, brow arched curiously.

“Sorry…” I scratched the back of my neck, chewing on the inside of my cheek. “I just… You seem upset, but I don’t want to push anything.” Neema gave me a small smile and wrapped her arms around one of mine, resting her head against my shoulder. It suddenly felt like she was a small child again, afraid to leave my side whenever we ventured out.

“There is something wrong,” she said, voice small. “It’s stupid.”

“Hey, nothing is stupid,” I said, kissing the top of her head. “If it’s bothering you then it’s definitely not stupid.” She giggled a little and then sighed.

“It’s Lyriel…”

“Ahh…”

“She’s going on a date… I was gonna tell her how I felt about her, but before I could she told me one of our classmates asked her out. She said yes…” I frowned and slipped my arm out of hers, wrapping it around her shoulders and giving her a squeeze.

“You should still tell her.”

“How can I? She’s going on a date!”

“Doesn’t mean it’s going to be a good date.” She looked up at me with glassy eyes and I felt my heart tighten; she was more smitten than I realized. “Look, you’re going to have many crushes and many loves of your life. You shouldn’t let the unknown hold you back. Lyriel is never going to know how you feel until you tell her, and you’re never gonna know how she feels either. What if she’s thinking about you right now? What if she likes you too but is also afraid to say anything?”

She looked away from me, letting my words sink in. Damn, you should charge people for this advice. I held back a laugh at my own thoughts and stopped walking, turning her to me. “You only live once.” She barked out a laugh, wiping at her teary eyes.

“Did you really just say that? God, you’re cringey,” she sniffled. I smiled.

“Yes, yes I did,” I replied. “But it’s true and you know it.”

“Yeah, yeah…” She hugged me tightly and I wrapped my arms around her, hugging back just as tightly. My smile grew. I wiped the tears from her eyes when we pulled apart and we headed back to the office, Neema now bouncing around happily. “So, Safiya told me about what your boss did for you.” I groaned, rolling my eyes. Great, now it’s her turn to try and lecture me.

“He only did it so I didn’t miss work.”

“Sure he did…” I glared at her playfully and she laughed, nudging me with her elbow. “I think perhaps your boss-”

“Don’t! I already heard it from Saf, I don’t need to hear it from you. There’s no way, no possibility that my boss wants to sleep with me!” A few older women walking by gave us a weird look and I blushed, ignoring them.

“He bought you a whole ass meal, ZiZi!”

“He was just being nice!” She rolled her eyes at me.

“He’s also taking you to a party.”

“Only because I want to pay him back.”

“He couldn’t have asked you to work overtime? Maybe take away one of your weekends?” I felt my face grow red and I rubbed my temples. God, this would never end, would it? “Look, all I’m saying is, I think there’s something more there than you think.”

“We barely know each other, Neem. I only ever interact with him when he’s coming or going. I don’t think I’m even his type.”

She rolled her eyes again. Her eyes must’ve been tired from all that rolling. “What do you think his type is, exactly?” I thought about it for a moment.

“Smart,” I started. “Confident, elegant, probably likes fitness and reading.”

“You like reading!”

“I haven’t picked up a book in a month.”

“You’re smart!”

“I almost failed math, Neem.”

“Would you stop putting yourself down?” It was her turn to stop me. She placed her hands on her hips and looked at me sternly. “You are a smart, confident, sassy beautiful woman. You light up any room you’re in and any guy would be lucky to have you on his arm!” I smiled a little. “You are more beautiful than any angel or supermodel.”

“I think that’s taking it a little too far, Neem.” She waved away my comment.

“You’re more amazing than you give yourself credit for.” I pulled her into a tight hug and she yelped. “Ugh, let me go!”

“Never,” I laughed. She sighed and hugged me back.

We got back to the office a few minutes later. Nora was coming back from her lunch break as well when we walked in. Neema had given me the small confidence boost I needed to make it through the rest of my shift and I couldn’t thank her enough for it. I still didn’t think Death was attracted to me, but it felt nice to hear such nice things from my little sister. We were just saying our goodbyes when Death and his brothers walked out of the elevator. Strife looked happy while Death and War wore looked tired and glad to be done with whatever had gone on up there. Death noticed me and broke away from the others, walking over.

“Miss Banks,” he said, reaching us. “Who is this?” He looked at my sister, who was now staring at him wide eyed, her jaw nearly hitting the floor. Her head was craned back as far as she could bend it.

“Holy shit,” she whispered. “This is your boss? You weren’t lying when you said he was smokin’ hot.” I slapped my hand over my face, warmth radiating from my neck to my ears. Death chuckled quietly and I peeked through my fingers, noticing an amused glint in his eye.

“I take it this is the same one who placed that photograph in your resume file?”

“Guilty! Hi, I’m Neema, Azi’s little sister. We sort of met at the apartment.” She extended her hand for a handshake and he stared at it for a moment, brow arched and head tilted slightly. His eyes flicked back to hers and, hesitantly, he took her hand.

“I don’t remember, sorry. That day was quite busy for me.” She shrugged off his reply and nodded her head towards me.

“So, I hear you’re taking my sister on a date, huh?”

“What, why didn’t I hear about this,” Strife asked, appearing next to Death. The older brother rolled his eyes.

“It’s not a date. I’m bringing her to the party tonight. Fury wanted me to bring someone.”

“Since when have you cared about what our sister wants?” War asked, joining the others. Death ran a hand over his face, and I could’ve sworn I saw his cheeks turn a light shade of pink for a moment.

“I’ve decided to placate her for one evening,” Death grumbled. “Besides, Miss Banks offered.” That wasn’t exactly true, but I wasn’t going to deny it. He looked like he needed all the help he could get to get out of the predicament he was in. War grunted, seeming satisfied with his answer. Strife, however, was not.

“Why didn’t you bring Amber? Or some other employee? Hell, even Nora could’ve come!”

“I have a baby, you know,” she cut in quickly before answering the phone.

“Still, you’re bringing the newbie?” Strife wiggled his brows in a suggestive manner and it looked like Death was hanging onto his sanity by a thread. “Why big brother, how uncharacteristic of you.”

“Shut up.” Death narrowed his eyes at his brother, his fists clenched. I stepped forward and grabbed the sleeve of his suit, tugging lightly. He looked at me, confused, and I smiled.

“Probably not a good idea to beat your brother up in the lobby,” I said quietly. His eyes lowered to where my hand was on his sleeve and I quickly removed it, apologizing.

“Thank you,” he said. “You’re quite right.” Strife made kissing noises and this time it was Death’s turn to hold me back from clocking his brother. “It was nice to meet you, Neema.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” she giggled, enjoying the show playing out in front of her. “When you take ZiZi out, make sure to bring her home by one, alright?” I smacked her shoulder and she laughed.

“You should head home,” I said firmly, giving her a warning look. She laughed and hugged me tightly.

“Love you too, sis; don’t forget to bring us back some snacks, I have a feeling dinner’s gonna be Top Ramen again!” She said goodbyes to the others before she left. I was a little sad to see her leave, but I did have a job to do. Death held up a file I hadn’t noticed he was holding and handed it to me.

“Amber picked out a selection of dresses for this evening,” he explained, ignoring the teasing that Strife had started up. “Go through and pick what you’d like, then email her your choice. There’s also a selection of shoes and jewelry. Hair and makeup will be here as soon as your shift ends.” My brows lifted and I looked at the folder, noticing how thick it was.

“Do I really need to do all of this? Can’t you just pick something out?” I asked, already feeling stressed.

“I don’t want you to be dressed in something you’re not comfortable in. It’s better you decide.” I nodded. It was nice of him to let me pick what I wanted to wear; though I almost preferred him picking for me.

“Oh, well, thank you. I’ll look through immediately.” He nodded and left with his brothers, Strife still teasing him about bringing me as his date. I shook my head, smiling, and sat back down.

“I didn’t know the boss was taking you out,” Nora said playfully. I groaned.

“Don’t you start too.”

[tippitv]

SPN 15.02 “Raising Hell” - TippiTV Recap

Welcome to the recap of episode 2 of the final season! As with the first episode, I will be providing descriptions of graphics I would have made if I didn't have a shitty pain-wracked upper body. I tried making graphics with my feet, which feel great, but it was... too artistic...

I didn't want to set such a high bar for myself.

Okay in the intro bit Belphejack describes his warding spell on the town as a mile-wide circle where "ghosts can't get in or out." Now I'm confused because the cemetery from which all the ghosts/demons erupted like a Dr. Pimple Popper compilation video is outside of this circle. Isn’t it? All the evacuees are also outside this circle. What's keeping all the people at the shelter from getting possessed by ghosts that didn't happen to be in the town? Wouldn't it have made more sense to get everyone into the shelter and then make the circle around that? All they've done is created a Venn diagram where the warded circle doesn't touch either the cemetery or the shelter.

[Graphic: just a terrible drawing of the above to illustrate my point.]

Actually screw it I need to make this graphic.

Or wait... Are they saying this bustling town AND the cemetery fill up a space of only 1 mile and are warded together?

And that somehow the majority of ghosts are in this area for some reason and that they hadn't managed to go much further than that after they were freed?

OH MY GOD WHY AM I THINKING SO HARD ABOUT THIS?

Anyway we now move to the present day, which seems to be soon after the evacuation. I'm actually slightly pleasantly surprised that they picked up here instead of moving on to the other three billion ghosts that need dealing with.

A woman sneaks around the supposedly deserted town, covering her nose and mouth with a scarf. Ah right... the "benzene." I actually did live through a few benzene leaks and you can smell it. The CDC describes it has smelling something like gasoline but to me it smells like... a certain kind of bandaging. Medcinal and rubbery. It seems unlikely that nobody in this town would know this and point out that there's zero benzene smell in the air. The woman runs into her neighbor, who's acting like a stone cold weirdo. She's wary but keeps chatting right up until the moment he stabs her a bunch of times.

A ghost pops out of him. He somewhat resembles the prophet who lost his soul so I was mildly confused for a moment. Also throughout this whole episode it's like he can't decide what his accent is and it's very annoying. Hell, he goes through like three accents just spelling the word "disembowel" here.  Because the neighbor lady had been chatting about spelling bees.

At the high school, Castiel tells Sam about the neighbor lady going missing. For some reason, Sam has trouble getting everyone's attention. Did this town only have forty people in it? The cafeteria isn't  remotely full. Sam reminds everyone to stay out of the quarantine zone. "Any questions?" Everyone raises their hands.

Sam's face makes a bunch of faces that can be summed up as "uh oh spaghettios."

Dean and Belph are in town bonding (not really) over being good soldiers who just wanna do their jobs. The mixed-accent ghost tries to make an escape through the warding whe Dean blasts him with rock salt. Belph points out they're not dealing with regular ghosts. "That was Francis Tumblety." Oh no the inventor of Tumblr!

[Graphic: Dashcon as Hell]

Turns out Francis is more famously known as Jack the Ripper. When Belph explains this Dean is like, "Cool," which seems like a weird reaction for him to have. Also wouldn't the soul of someone as bad as Jack the Ripper have become demonic by now?

High school shelter. They picked a really weird building for their exterior shots. It looks like a cross between an Alpine chalet and a city hall. Some of the antsy townsfolk with strong Canadian accents decide to escape back to their Kansan homes.

One of the homes is currently being used as a meeting hall by the ghosts. I cannot overstate how much I hate seeing ghosts in full daylight. The makeup looks straight out of a school play. Like Sam earlier, Francis has some difficulty getting everyone's attention. What kind of parallel is this supposed to be? He gets the other ghosts to agree to mount an attack against the hunters and then they can put on a production of The Importance of Being Earnest and Dead.

Two of the townsfolk sneak back home only to encounter two of the ghosts. They look terrified even though the ghosts look absolutely comical.

[Graphic: Photoshop these two ghosts into a Scooby Doo scene]

Sam and Castiel argue about what and when to tell the evacuees. Rowena walks in on them and acts like she just got a Samstiel idea for Whumptober.

After some exposition about God and his sister and the soul-bomb that Rowena made back then, Sam says he needs her to make something similar that will trap the ghosts. She says it will be very difficult and will take her until nearly the end of the episode.

Then Sam gets called away to join the other plot line. The two people who slipped out of the shelter are now possessed and oozing some CGI out of their eyes. Man, daylight really is unkind to everything except like Jensen Ackles's complexion.

Francis Tumbledore materializes and demands they erase the warding or the ghosts will start killing people. To make his point, the two recently possessed people get their innards turned into Hamburger Helper by the ghosts inside them. Someone offscreen shoots them with a confetti gun!

Ugh. It's that wanker Ketch, which I believe is his full name, and the confetti is actually a bunch of "iron flakes." The flakes just gently tickle the skin instead of penetrating and thus damaging it, which doesn't seem like it would harm ghosts. I mean, we have iron in our blood and that doesn't seem like a deterrent to ghosts but whatever. Even Ketch's dumb pocket square is annoying me. I don't remember why he annoys me but I feel it deep in my soul.

Everyone reconvenes at the school for a stand-n-chat. Rowena and Ketch reminisce and flirt. Oh, Rowena. You can do so much better. Ketch gets around to being surprised to learn that Jack's corpse is now being possessed by the demon Belphegor, even though he's currently on a mission to kill Belphegor. He had to be momentarily ignorant so we could get some clunky exposition. Blah blah blah a demon named Ardat was the one who ordered the hit but neglected to mention what Ketch would be looking for.

Cut to Reno where Amara is in her well-appointed hotel suite getting a temple massage from a masseuse named Kimiko. Kimiko's hands disappear to be replaced by slightly more masculine hands.

Amara sits up, startled and displeased to discover her brother. I don't care if y'all are billions of years old it's gross to show up in your sister's room when she's only wearing a sheet. Also it's rude to smite a masseuse in the middle of an appointment.

"Sooo how about that Game of Thrones ending?" Chuck small-talks. "Pretty great, right?"

[Graphic: Screenshot of my post about Supernatural's showrunner comparing the show's finale to GoT that inexplicably has 35,000 notes]

Amara, naturally, is suspicious of her brother's sudden appearance and wants to know why he's there.

You know, it's too bad Castiel doesn't have that power where he could touch someone on the forehead and make them sleep. Instead of dealing with all these angry evacuees he could just tap them all into a short coma.

Rowena wants Dean to tell her more about Ketch like he's the village matchmaker instead of a guy with three billion evil souls to deal with. He's nice enough to warn her away from him, but it just seems to make her more intrigued.

Time for Dean and Castiel to hash out their feelings. I mean the feelings where Dean is mad at Castiel for not telling everyone about Jack losing his soul, not the feelings where they keep staring at each other like "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel is playing in the background but they can never act on it because they live in a very heteronormative universe. Generally speaking, Dean is also just mad at this whole thing where free will is an illusion and they've been playing God's games. "Nothing about our lives is real."

[Graphic: Screencap of the Scoobynatural episode]

Dean dramatically stalks out of the room while Cas, his back turned like they're in a soap opera, calls out to him. They face each other. "You asked what about all of this was real... we are." Dean doesn't say anything to that and leaves the room heterosexually.

He goes out on patrol with Ketch and gives him an iron necklace to keep from getting possessed. Ketch wants to know more about Rowena.

[Graphic: I mean... can I do something with Dean as Bea Arthur in Fiddler on the Roof?]

Luckily he gets word about trouble down at the ol' abandoned meat-packing plant. Two hunters have gone missing. Ketch gets thrown into a concrete wall in such a way that would kill him or, at the very least, leave him with a spine made of oatmeal. Lizzie Borden aims to kill them, but a new, unseen ghost shouts at her to leave.

Aw, it's Kevin Tran. I like how he moves the plastic doorway strips with his hands instead of just blinking his way into the room. Turns out God sent him to Hell instead of Heaven, but at least it's given him sort of a badass reputation among the other ghosts so that they do what he says. Ohh I bet that gets pissed away pretty soon.

Reno. God is watching something on TV where the CC says "a sexy pastiche of fragrant tripe" which is often the tagline of Buckleming episodes. Amara is trying to get her yoga on but he wants to talk about taking a vacation together. She figures out he needs her for something. She zeroes in on his shoulder wound that mirrors Sam's. "You're not complete," she says. "You're not at full strength."

And this, my friends, is where I began to get this tingling discomfort that made me wonder if Sam is going to become the new God by the finale.

The switch from night to day to night to day is so weird in this episode. Or maybe it always is and for some reason I'm noticing it more. Anyway while Kevin is off doing recon on the other ghosts, Sam and Dean fret about the warding starting to fade. "We're gonna need you to charge it back up," Dean says to Belph. "Sorry guys it was a one-time thing," Belph says. And nobody asks any followup questions like "WHY?"

Belph also says, in regards to Kevin, that the default setting on Heaven is souls can't get in once they've been to Hell. God made exceptions for John and Bobby but he doesn't exactly like the Winchesters anymore. I feel like y'all really ought to talk to Billie about this. Also, doesn't that mean Sam and Dean would never get to go to Heaven? This just lends further credence to a Samgod hypothesis.

Ghost meeting. One of the ghosts logically points out that all they have to do is wait for the warding to fail completely and then just stroll out. Random ghost would be excellent at snarky recapping. But Francis Tumbledry is the Veruca Salt of serial killing ghosts.

[Graphic: Screencap from Willy Wonka where Veruca is saying she wants and Oompa Loompa right now except it's Francis and he wants to break through the warding]

Kevin pops up and tries to act tough but immediately gets found out as a spy.

Rowena and Ketch flirt and make rather strained sexual innuendos for a scene while working on the ghost vacuum. You can't make me transcribe any of it! Luckily she gets called away before anybody's pants come off.

And then she apparently goes, on foot, from the high school to the warded town some five miles away. Either that or she needlessly parks really far away from her destination. Either way, it gives Francis Tumbleforya a chance to intercept her and tell her the ghosts have Kevin. Oh and Ketch gets his ass ambushed.

She meets the Winchesters in the middle of the street to deliver the news. I mean, Kevin is in the same room with the ghosts but how do they "have" him? He could blip away. This was a dorky plan from the start but I guess I relate. I, too, took a lot of AP classes in high school and I can't plan for crap.

The Winchesters meet with Francis. He sticks his hand through Kevin and turns on his heart light. 

They let this go on for a weirdly long time instead of pretending to negotiate until Rowena runs into the room. She brandishes a Himalayan salt lamp at the ghosts and shouts, "Capare!" A couple get sucked in but the rest blip away. Only Kevin remains.

Everyone runs off to where the ghosts are planning to attack the warding in a mostly invisible, budget-friendly manner. Ketch shows up, too, but everyone's too busy dreading the imminent breach to notice he's not wearing his iron necklace anymore.

[Graphic: A catalog ad from GOOP dot com selling the iron necklace as a belt to keep your nethers from getting overrun with evil spirits]

He lets Rowena vacuum up a few ghosts before knocking her out. He reveals himself to be Francis Tumbleweed and says he's going to use the crystal as a bomb to knock out the warding because bad guys always talk too much about their plans. Indeed, Dean quickly shoots him in the arm and the crystal goes flying.

Dean catches it and hands it back to Rowena so she can finish Dirt-Deviling the ghosts.

Denouement. Castiel tries to heal Ketch but can't for some reason. Did he get some kind of cooties from trying to heal the godly bullet wound in Sam's shoulder? Is he just tired? Does he just hate Ketch as much as I do? Time will tell.

The Winchesters say their goodbyes to Kevin, who's decided to wander the earth like some kind of phantom Dr. Banner.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33izVlIOgnQ

"I love you guys," Kevin says. They smile at him. Like dang, say you love him too! I mean just give a guy a moment of happiness before he leaves to gradually lose his sense of self and his soul fades to nothing. Also maybe hug him. He's solid-ish.

Man, what a bummer.

In Reno, Amara is saying her goodbyes, too, but in a much sassier and satisfying away. She gets to tell her brother off and wear magenta lip stick. She mentions that he's lost so much power that he can't even leave this world without her help. Oh honey just punt him into Apocalypse World, then. Leave his ass to flounder.

We end with a bunch of ghosts (red glowing nuggets of light) trying to break into the town from the top. But like... why? They have the whole rest of the world. Why are they bothering with this mile-wide circle of real estate? The Winchesters and associates fret about how they're going to stop all the ghosts.

It's a shorter season, so they better hurry...

***

If you enjoyed the recap and are able, please visit my virtual tip jar: paypal.me/TippiBlevins or https://ko-fi.com/A4017DA

[waynes-multiverse]

I was going to wait to read this till my vacation next week, but when I saw you posted part 2, I ran here (with super speed) 👏😁

Spoilers under the cut. You’re getting the long rambling commentary:

“You got a beautiful smile.”

The fact you started it with that line made laugh so hard. My immediadte reaction was, “Ugh, go away.” 😂

Throughout this festivity, you could take any drug you wished to try, and you could witness some of the weirdest sexual positions you’d ever see. 

Yup, already a better version of fucking Herogasm!

I love how she was both disgusted and intrigued by him. And Crimson Countess was so funny. You really captured both of them perfectly. I could hear their voices and see the faces they were making. I also loved the fact that CC called Swatto an idiot and you brought it back up again later with Soldier Boy 😂 Excellent job, love! 👏

Soldier Boy looked like a God parting water – the other supes were making space for him as if he was going to burn them if they made contact. The look of raw determination on his face made me go faster. 

I love this paragraph! You did a wonderful job describing what the chase looked like and I can see it all in my mind’s eye! *chef’s kiss* 😘

My eyes moved from his strong chest, to his bearded cheeks, to his freckled nose, and finally, to his bright green eyes that were framed by his dark helmet.

Oooooh, he’s wearing the helmet... Somehow he looks even more daredevilish with it and I can’t explain why 😏 Also, I could sit hear all day and read how you describe him 😍🤤

Oh no, she was a fan! Poor thing 😂💔 Well, they say never meet your heroes for a reason, I guess...

And ew, ew, ew! I can honestly never decide if what he says/does is fucking creepy or makes me goddamn horny. What the hell is up with that? 🤣🙈 (If I need therapy, please let me know)

And her powers are so cool! I love a mindreader! Although I imagine it’s a lot like Mindstorms experience. Must be so awful to hear everyone’s thoughts all the time 😬☠️ But I love that she can just enter into his mind and see visions of things. That’s very neat! 😏

And dear fucking Christ, those visions... He’s a dirty, dirty old man, but goddammit does he know what he’s doing 🥵🔥

“Well, look at you. I knew you were gonna fucking break like the rest of ‘em.”

YOU FUCKING CUMGUZZLER!!!! I WILL MURDER YOU!!!

Oh yeah, seems like she’s about ready to murder him too 😂 God, why does he have to open his mouth all the time. Just. Say. Nothing. Like bruh, maybe with less talking you’d actually get into a girl’s pants without fucking scaring them smh ��‍♀️

But man, I loved how she broke his helmet! And then she went for his mind and made him squirm all pathetically?! That girl knows no fear and I’m here for it 😁👏

“Fuck, Y/N…” He clicked his tongue and let his eyes roam my leather-clad body. “You and I…” Slowly, a blood-curdling smile spread across his face. “We’re gonna have a lot of fun together.” 

Oh jeez, that little action made him hard for her 🙈😂

Dude, this is soooooo good! You nailed Soldier Boy’s characterization to the tee! I love how cocky and creepy he is and I absolutely adore this fearless reader 😍 Bravo!!! I can’t wait to see where this goes 🤓🖤👏

Mind Games

Part 1

Series summary: Set in 1984. It’s that time of the year – the supes are having the time of their lives at the Herogasm festival. Soldier Boy seems to have taken a special interest in Y/N, a fellow superhero.

Pairing: Soldier Boy x female Reader

Series category: Smut, angst, 18+

Word count: 2.7k

Warnings: Alcohol use, mentions of drugs, explicit sexual content, penetrative sex, rough sex, public sex, cursing, Soldier Boy crossing boundaries, some dub-con elements

A/N: This story contains smut! Do not read if you are under the age of 18! I’m back! This is my very first Soldier Boy fic. It’s been a while since I’ve had the time to write, and then suddenly, this happened. Please note that this story was written before the Herogasm episode aired, so the details may not be accurate. I hope you enjoy!

Soldier Boy Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Part 2

Reader’s POV

“You got a beautiful smile.” The deep, cocky sound rang through my ears, demanding my attention. A strong spicy scent accompanied his voice as he came to a halt right next to me.

“Thanks.” I bowed my head a little, not allowing my Y/E/C eyes to meet his cold green ones. Instead, I focused on the bowl of beautifully arranged fruit in front of me.

Keep reading

[fun-sized-owl]

Tagged by: @seboostianillustrations (thanks lovely!) 

I tag - @clvsterfvcks @makaruba @tindomendur anyone else who wants to!

favourite game from the last 5 years? ‒ I would love to say DA:I, but honestly I’m going to say The Witcher. I honestly can’t find a single fault in the Witcher 3 OTHER than Roach being a nong of a horse sometimes, but other than that, it’s fucking gorgeous, amazing, I love the story and the graphics are so damn pretty. I had SUCH  good time playing it, and I miss playing it, haha. 

most nostalgic game? ‒ Omg, so many old nintendo and SNES games, tbh. A lot of old PC games as well that me and my siblings would play. Things like Mortal Kombat, Croc, Snake Rattle N Roll, Life Force, Donkey Kong, Alien Vs Predator, The Lion King. LOTS of old school 90′s games. 

game that deserves a sequel? ‒ Most of my fave games already have sequels or are a part of a series... I’m just being impatient for them XD

game that deserves a remaster? ‒ Dante’s Inferno. FUCK I WOULD LOVE to play that game again, but EA went and kicked Visceral Games out and that makes me salty as fuck since they were amazing. -_- Also Dragon Age Origins is in desperate need of a remaster.

favourite game series?  ‒ The Dragon Age games, The Mass Effect games, Dead Space series, Gears of War, any Aliens game tbh, Castlevania: Lords of Shadow, Half Life, Tomb Raider (the newer series), and I’m excited to see where Red Dead Redemption goes :D

favourite genre?  ‒ RPG and survival horror. 

least favourite genre?  ‒ Mmm, probably deck building games. 

favourite song from a game? ‒  Oh god so many, lol. I’m probably going to say Dark Solas theme from Trespasser though, because it gives me SO many feels. Also the main title for Ori and the Blind Forest because UGH FEELS!!!

favourite character from a game? ‒ I honestly have way too many... I mean mostly it’s protag characters in all my favourite games, especially if it’s a CC option protag.

favourite ship from a game? ‒ M!Adaar x Bull, Any Quizzy with Dorian, Cass x any Quizzy, Shakarian from M.E, Gil and Ryder from M.E, a lot of others, hahaha.

favourite voice actor from a game?  ‒ Probably going to say Marcus Fenix from Gears of War (John DiMaggio) because his voice is SO DAMN distinctive, and he really is the story for me. I love the side characters, but damnit that voice is what makes Gears for me. XD But I also enjoy Gideon Emery (Fenris/Samson)

favourite cutscene?  ‒ When Solas first takes you to Skyhold and it goes through the mountain scene. I will never forget that experience for me, and it was when Kaaras (My Inquisitor) finally broke away from me just playing some dude and became his own character. That scene for me is something really special, also the score in it is just so damn beautiful and motivational. I frigging LOVE it. Also when you just defeat Corypheus and walk back up the stairs in Skyhold where the advisers bow to you. It’s so hopefilled and really moves me. That kinda happy ending shit is my scene, okay. I LOVE it. 

favourite boss?  ‒ Zobek from Castlevania. I think he was a really well written character, and a BITCH to fight in the end. Also Satan from Dante’s Inferno. Ugh I LOVE that game so much, and Satan was amazing in it. Also I really love that they didn’t shy away from giving him a huge floppy dick in game when you fight him, it’s great! Go see it if you haven’t watched it. XDDD They were both just really great written characters.

first console?  ‒ Nintendo ;’D I am OLD

current console or consoles? ‒ I am a PC person, but I have an Xbox One and PS4. I still also have my old Xbox 360, PS2, SNES and gameboy colour >.> 

console you want?  ‒ I honestly just want a better graphics card for my PC since games are becoming so demanding on them, lol. I prefer to play on PC and just use my controller if I require it in a game. 

place from a game that you’d like to visit?  ‒ Thedas, Skyrim or The Continent (The Witcher world). 

place from a game that you’d like to live in?  ‒ The above. I’m pretty sure I was meant to be born in the medieval times, okay.

ridiculous crossover that would never happen but would be super fun?  ‒ Sign me up for anything, but I would love to see Dragon Age and Mass Effect cross paths! I’d also like to see Dragon Age and The Witcher. A lot of medieval ones I could see mixing and making sense. :) 

book that would make a good game?  ‒ Ah man, any of the Alien books that I’ve read. But other than that, probably very little, hahaha. 

show/movie that would make a good game?  ‒ I would have a crack at any so long as I am a fan of the movie, lol. But horror movies would probably be best adapted. Or Fantasy worlds. 

games you want to play?  ‒ Detroit Become Human (I’m planning to get it this weekend), the next Tomb Raider, Red Dead 2, Ori and the Blind Forest 2, Gears of War 5, basically all ones I need to wait for until they are released, lol.

have you gotten 100% completion in a game?  ‒ Definitely, lol. Most of them are older games where they weren’t all secrets hidden, though. 

have you cried over a game? ‒ No, but I have definitely felt emotional. I think Ori and the Blind Forest did a great job at making me want to bawl my eyes out rofl. 

what power-up or ability would you want in real life? To either shape shift or fly. I LOVE games that give you wings!

[yooka-kazooie]

liveblog of me watching the sonic movie courtesy of me yell-typing at my friend on discord

#long post #spoilers 

6:48 PM] Me: well guess I'm gonna rent it on cable [6:50 PM] Me: ok so far the cc works [6:50 PM] Me: which is good news on optimum [6:50 PM] Friend: good [6:50 PM] Me: upp spoke too soon [6:50 PM] Me: where did the cc go [6:51 PM] Me: first the sound didn't work and now the cc goes I keep having to close the movie and resume [6:51 PM] Me: I already dont know this owl character [6:51 PM] Me: like I'm not a HUGE fan of sonic but who is she [6:51 PM] Friend: I don't think she was in the games [6:52 PM] Friend: just an owl who adopted sonic [6:52 PM] Me: oh no is she from the original archie comics [6:52 PM] Me: I've also never seen sonic younger than like 15 [6:52 PM] Friend: no idea [6:52 PM] Me: were those echidnas [6:53 PM] Friend: the old sonic show (the good one) had an episode where sonic goes back in time and meets himself as a kid [6:53 PM] Me: oh good he's a cop good /s [6:53 PM] Me: the urkel one? [6:53 PM] Friend: yeah echidnas [6:53 PM] Friend: yeah [6:53 PM] Friend: there were two urkel ones [6:54 PM] Friend: aired at the same time [6:54 PM] Friend: or same year [6:54 PM] Me: he was in both of them??? [6:54 PM] Friend: yep [6:54 PM] Me: I never watched the "good one" [6:54 PM] Me: sat am? [6:54 PM] Friend: yeah [6:54 PM] Me: yeah I literally never saw it [6:54 PM] Friend: I think [6:54 PM] Me: til Nostalgia Critic [6:57 PM] Me: did crazy carl's drawing look like sanic I can't rewind with ondemand [6:58 PM] Friend: yes it did [7:05 PM] Me: whoops sonic emp [7:07 PM] Me: I assume these old people are describing eggman [7:07 PM] Me: so eggman is human [7:08 PM] friend: yeah [7:10 PM] Me: whos stone [7:10 PM] Me: like did Eggman need a human y.. [7:10 PM] Me: wait is he a robot [7:10 PM] Me: "a human yesman" is what I was going to say [7:10 PM] Me: it seems weird to me that he'd pay a human yesman instead of building a robot yesman [7:11 PM] friend: to be fair he has a human yesman in that old show too [7:11 PM] Me: the show I didnt watch? [7:11 PM] friend: yeah [7:11 PM] Me: I watched the pumpkin show [7:11 PM] Me: and sonic boom cartoon [7:12 PM] Me: and I played sonic adventure 2 [7:12 PM] Me: and sonic 06 [7:13 PM] Me: I'm just letting you know what I know [7:13 PM] Me: what sonic media I've consumed [7:13 PM] Me: I never played the 2D games [7:13 PM] Me: never saw Sonic Sat Am [7:14 PM] Me: uhh meow [7:14 PM] Me: oh neat I didn't know that's how the rings would work [7:14 PM] Friend: lol nice to know where you are in the movie [7:15 PM] Me: donut lord shouldn't be so confused this is at least his second time finding a small talking furry animal-like creature [7:15 PM] Me: I'm sorry but the fact that this dude had the same role in hop is hilarious [7:15 PM] Me: how do you get typecast like that [7:16 PM] Me: "where are the mushrooms and why am I still on earth" is a mood [7:16 PM] Me: his eyes are cool looking [7:16 PM] Me: I can't remember what the old design looked like and I'm scared to look it up [7:17 PM] Me: did I tell you someone proved that it wasn't a stunt and that was the actual real design [7:17 PM] friend: someone told me that [7:17 PM] Me: because they found the merch they were making and they actually made some with the old design [7:17 PM] Me: that was intentional [7:18 PM] Me: oh I like those videogame control gloves [7:18 PM] Me: they need to make those for VR [7:21 PM] Me: raccoons are so cute [7:21 PM] Me: I want one for a pet [7:23 PM] Me: no I'm calling it, Stone is secretly a robot [7:25 PM] Me: the more he says mushroom planet the more I realize it's a nintendo joke [7:25 PM] Me: the mushroom planet has to be the mushroom kingdom [7:25 PM] Me: he doesn't want to go where mario lives [7:26 PM] Me: now I want mushrooms (food) [7:26 PM] Friend: every time he talks about the mushroom planet I want them to make a nintendo cinematic universe [7:26 PM] Me: man Sonic's individual quills look weird? [7:27 PM] Me: whenever I focus on them [7:27 PM] Me: not that bad but it's weird [7:28 PM] Friend: the ones still on his body? I know the one not on his body was never changed [7:28 PM] Me: yeah the ones on him [7:28 PM] Me: it's fine looking when I don't focus on them [7:29 PM] Me: this movie has Antman vibes [7:29 PM] Me: similar humor [7:35 PM] Me: hipsters how do you even convince someone you're not that lol [7:35 PM] Me: oh here we go first standstill [7:36 PM] Me: it's really cool actually, like that one xmen scene [7:36 PM] Me: god that is just ridiculously fast [7:36 PM] Me: so far this movie is better than it looked [7:37 PM] Me: especially before the redesign [7:37 PM] Me: ugh [7:37 PM] friend: I do wonder how much, if any, the story changed with the design [7:37 PM] Me: I'm just guessing that it's the same but there could have been more changes [7:39 PM] Me: ok if mushroom world has no breathable air I'd say that's not a safe place to go [7:39 PM] Me: for sonic??? [7:40 PM] Friend: I do question how a planet full of mushrooms can have enough oxygen in it. there must be something producing more oxygen though [7:41 PM] Me: if Stone isn't a robot that eggman built I hope he's paid well [7:41 PM] Me: he literally just said it doesn't have breathable air [7:41 PM] Friend: I thought he said it did [7:42 PM] Me: ... [7:42 PM] Me: I can't rewind [7:42 PM] Me: a babysitter is infinitely better than a cop tho [7:42 PM] Me: acab [7:44 PM] Me: does he go super sonic in this [7:44 PM] Me: like gold [7:45 PM] Me: aaand he's flossing [7:45 PM] Me: how old is sonic [7:45 PM] Me: is this a child [7:45 PM] friend: idk they should have mentioned it somewhere [7:46 PM] Me: are those children fighting over a switch or a tablet [7:46 PM] Me: jesus sonic just killed eggman [7:46 PM] Me: like I understand but [7:46 PM] Me: oh he waasn't in that one [7:46 PM] Me: I guess [7:49 PM] Me: it seems weird that that exploded [7:49 PM] Me: what if it killed sonic [7:49 PM] Me: what if it damaged the remains [7:49 PM] Me: didnt eggman want to study him [7:50 PM] Me: ok well eggman just called Stone a human being so I hope he's being paid well [7:53 PM] Me: ok how is it fun to be chased by a holographic dinosaur [7:53 PM] Me: I literally have nightmares that are that [7:53 PM] Me: except in nightmares you can feel terror and pain [7:56 PM] Me: are those the shoes that had a deal with sonic adventure 2 [7:57 PM] Me: ah man this is the kinda guy who would either get fired because he's too good to be a cop or be corrupted by getting the job [7:57 PM] Me: I've been reading a lot of stories of what happens to "good cops" lately [7:58 PM] Me: and either they get fired for not being terrible or they become terrible [7:58 PM] Me: remember there are no good cops [7:59 PM] friend: well that is going to change soon [7:59 PM] friend: or it better [7:59 PM] Me: no more cops [7:59 PM] Me: abolish cops [7:59 PM] Me: freedom [8:03 PM] Me: oooo he called him eggman [8:03 PM] Me: took me a second to realize that wasn't just his name [8:03 PM] friend: he is eggman in japan and robotnic in america [8:04 PM] Me: I just think of him as Dr Eggman Robotnic [8:04 PM] Me: like bowser is King Bowser Koopa [8:04 PM] Me: Princess Peach Toadstool [8:04 PM] Me: ... I wasn't paying attention did sonic's speed just fail [8:05 PM] Me: *ring get noise* Me: oh no how many of those rings does he have [8:07 PM] Me: like not an infinite amount [8:07 PM] Me: wait [8:07 PM] Me: aren't the pyramids like [8:07 PM] Me: next to a city [8:08 PM] Me: and not in the middle of endless sand [8:08 PM] friend: yeah [8:09 PM] friend: from pictures there does seem to be a lot of sand around them [8:10 PM] Me: its the angle [8:10 PM] Me: the pyramids are like [8:10 PM] Me: inbetween endless sand and a city [8:10 PM] friend: sure [8:10 PM] Me: well he's going Blue Super Sonic [8:10 PM] Me: still not gold/yellow [8:11 PM] friend: well he does need all the chaos emeralds to go gold [8:12 PM] Me: so what is this form called [8:12 PM] Me: canonically [8:12 PM] friend: idk [8:12 PM] Me: blue lightning sonic [8:13 PM] friend: all that comes up is a truck [8:14 PM] Me: try tvtropes [8:17 PM] Me: well they're treating him like a child? I think? [8:17 PM] Me: like they adopted him [8:17 PM] Me: he's flossing and has a racecar bed [8:17 PM] Me: I think he's a child??? [8:18 PM] Me: hye look its eggman [8:18 PM] Me: he's gonna be so pissed when he gets back [8:18 PM] Me: pff stone isn't a human anymore [8:18 PM] Me: I guess the air is breathable [8:18 PM] Me: how does he get fat on msuhroom world [8:19 PM] Me: are the mushrooms edible [8:19 PM] friend: I would hope at least some of them are [8:19 PM] Me: wait why did he shave [8:19 PM] Me: I saw him do it but it's not explained why [8:19 PM] Me: did he get gum in his hair what did I miss [8:20 PM] friend: well if his mustache is any indication his hair might have gotten... idk weird, so he shaved it [8:21 PM] friend: remember end credit scenes [8:21 PM] Me: ah mood [8:21 PM] Me: I'm watching the credits yes [8:21 PM] Me: I mean I feel like shaving my head would feel infinitely weirder so I just buzz it short but mood [8:21 PM] friend: idr if there was a thing at the very end of the credits [8:21 PM] Me: oh here we go some woods TAILS [8:21 PM] Me: NO [8:21 PM] Me: they had to redesign tails [8:21 PM] Me: too [8:21 PM] Me: wait [8:21 PM] Me: uh [8:21 PM] Me: that was [8:21 PM] Me: really fast for tails [8:22 PM] Me: I guess he's not as fast as sonic but he's not supposed to be that fast [8:22 PM] Me: aaand more credits [8:22 PM] friend: well he can be fast in the games [8:23 PM] Me: he was slow in sonic boom cartoon [8:23 PM] Me: maybe???

[lilragekitten]

Lol, I’m already so over this holiday season. SO MUCH under the cut oops.

Last night I had a guest check in (well, I didn’t my co-worker did) and the credit card was declined. Grandma was supposed to pay but there wasn’t enough to do the security deposit for the four nights stay, not even for one night. 

(I don’t know about you, but every single hotel I’ve ever been too, I’ve needed A) a credit card (in my name unless someone else was paying and then they had to email/fax over a permission form with all the details) and B) enough funds plus extra (anywhere from 15$-600$ extra one memorable occasion) to cover my ass and the hotels ass.)

Coworker gets in touch with Gma and she says there’s only a 500$ limit on the card and that they can come by later. Guest at counter were tired after a 7 hour drive, so they’re let into the room to nap (as the wife said she was going to do.) At 4pm, Gma comes in with Gpa and his CC. I ask if we’d be able to run for the four nights or are we just doing one, as the guests have said that they’d pay for the remainder of the stay, not a problem, they just don’t have a CC. Gpa says that no, there’s not enough there but we can do one nights worth. I ask if this card can be used to PAY for the one night I’m doing a hold with and he says sure. I asked TWICE bc they... did not seem to understand. 

(what’s super hilarious is that I’ve spoken to Gma on the phone about this reservation like two weeks ago confirming we need a valid credit card at check in to do a hold on it and she said okay.)

I explained as simply as I could “Your credit card is not being charged at the moment, it’s a hold on it for the 190$ which is for tonight’s stay. At check out, in four days, then we will process it as a payment for 187.57$ and that’s when you will be charged” “Oh okay... Can I get a receipt now?” “No... because I haven’t charged you anything so I do not have a receipt to give you. I will after check out, when it’s been paid for.” “Okay but I wont be here, I need a receipt” “We can email you the bill once your family leaves in four days, and your card has been charged then.” “......” He stood there staring at me legit HOLDING OUT HIS HAND. “But how will I know what you charge me?” So I gave him a business card, wrote 187.57$ on it and said. “At check out, this is the amount your card will be charged. You won’t be charged until they leave though. Do you understand?” And he stared at me some more, another guest off to the side look confused and amused, and He asked one more time for a copy of the receipt. 

I sighed heavily and laughed tiredly. Because I couldn’t NOT anymore. “ I don’t have a receipt TO GIVE YOU because you HAVENT PAID FOR ANYTHING yet.” and I turned to help the next guest. I thought that was the end of it.

Oh No.

At 440pm, I get this woman stomping up to the desk. I do not know this lady, I haven’t seen nor spoken to her. “Hi can I help you?”

And Good Lord. 

“YA YOU CAN HELP ME BY GETTING YOUR DAMN STAFF STRAIGHTENED OUT. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. I CALLED A MONTH AGO ABOUT THESE RESERVATIONS AND I WAS TOLD I NEEDED A CREDIT CARD BUT I DIDNT HAVE ONE SO IT WOULD BE OKAY FOR GRANDMA TO COME IN AND PAY FOR THE ROOM AND NOW YOUR STAFF IS CHANGING UP ALL THE RULES?”

“....Um, can I ask who you are?” (because it’s better to have confirmation before assuming, omg, it is not good to assume anything)

“YOU KNOW WHO I AM. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS, GRANDMA CALLED AN WOKE ME UP IVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH THE BABY AND NOW I HAVE THIS TO DEAL WITH I WA SIN A CAR FOR SEVEN HOURS AND I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS BECAUSE YOUR STAFF CAN’T DO THEIR JOBS”

“okaym but may I know your name ma’am?

“OH YOU’RE GONNA LEARN MY NAME YOU’RE ALL GONNA KNOW MY NAME I CANT BELIEVE THIS. YOU’RE CHARGING THEM 500$ FOR THE ROOM WHEN I WAS TOLD ALL YOU NEEDED WAS ASECURITY DEPOSIT AND-”

“What room are you in ma’am?”

“yOU DAMN WELL KNOW AND NOW YOU’RE CHARGING THEM 500$ WHEN THAT’S THE LIMIT ON THEIR CARD AND THEIR ALL UPSET-”

“Are you XXXXX in -” (I asked bc I was getting tired of being screamed at. She wasn’t just raising her voice, it was a high pitched shrill of ‘I wanna speak to your manager’ except there is no manager, only JennerJen and I am Tired and you’re causing a scene Brenda (not her real name)

“YES IM xxxx IN ROOM xxx!! AS YOU DAMN WELL KNOW AND I-”

“Ma’am, I’m not the girl that served you earlier, can I explain what I actually have done?”

“Oh.” Yeah... she stopped.. and stared at me. (later on she admitted we all looked alike, dressing the same (uniform) despite my like 6 or so inches on my coworker, my brown hair vs her red, my glasses and her not... BUT ANYWAYS)

“Yes. Sorry for the confusion, your family members didn’t really seem to understand what I was doing. I did take a security deposit, but only one night, as you can see here *showed her the transcript* for 190$. I told them that you and your husband would need to come to the desk to pay for the remainder, that is what you had said to my coworker, yes?”

“Yeah that’s right. Grandma called saying you had taken all her money and that we needed to pay on top of that.”

“Grandma was wrong.”

“Oh. Okay well they should be here soon to give the card-”

“They were aleady here, about an hour ago.”

“But she JUST called me and woke me up? Is she coming back?”

“I don;t know, I don’t need her to, but I do need YOU guys to pay for the room for your stay.”

“Oh yeah no, that’s not a problem! I completely understand, I just don’t get why she says she’s coming back then? Man, what the Hell?”

“What the Hell for sure. Sorry, I tried explaining it as simply as I could, and I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Oh yeah no for sure, I would’ve lost it” -starts laughing

“I hope you gave Grandma shit for waking you up”

“Yep”. 

She became my best friend for next fifteen mins, talking about getting drunk at Hanson and kicked out, how when both of us travel we prefer not having housekeeping usually,*This is Important* etc and then her hubby came in.

“What is up with your mother? Why did she call me? You guys made me yell at this girl?”

“Why did you yell at her?” *Me secretly going YES WHY?!?!?*

So they go off, come back to pay a little while later and I ask hubby, ‘Hey earlier we were chatting and your partner mentioned she normally doen’t like housekeeping, is that right? You don’t want service tomorrow? (Today- day after they checked in-Guests were to have service normally, but the night of 24/25/26th they get a rate of 100$ because there will be no staff in. (between 1/3-1/2 the rate off) He says, “Nah, I think we’ll take it, when do they usually come?” “Anytime between 8-4pm” okay let you know”

Well.

My girls finished at about 425. Theses guests came back at same time. The girls were just finishing rooms, and ended up clocking out when Hubby came to desk asking about service. I apologised and said that his room wouldn’t be getting done, but what did he need, I could go do it. He asked for towels. I brought towels. I see Wife in breakfast room feeding baby I ask if she needs anything else, she says “Oh god no, we’re fine, don’t worry, but maybe something for the diapers? I don’t want the room to smell” So I said I can go collect the garbage. “Oh no! That’s okay, is there like a bin or something?” I point to the big garbage shed outside but I tell her that she doesn’t need to do that. I can provide several garbage bags, put the diapers in them, tie it off, put it in hallway and then call the front desk so we can throw them out. She perks up “omg that’s perfect thank you so much.” 

So I go to room, drop off bags, inform hubby of ‘the plan’ and ask if there’s anything else. he says no. Comes to desk like five mins later all pissy. “So let me get this straight, there’s no housekeeping tomorrow or the next night for the discounted rate, but I had to pay full charge for today and I still don’t get any service?” I apologised and said that I had spoken to his wife and went with her decision and he’s like “NO I Specifically requested it last night here” (Yeah.. um no you said you’d let us know and then didn’t??? also your wife is a scary bitch and I don’t want to upset her again okay???) “We won’t be staying the final night now.” (they had only paid for the first three after anyways, and declined using Gpa’s CC to actually pay for the room)

I am Just So Tired. And I still get to see them tomorrow night. 

I also went to high school with the husband. LOL. Ugh. 

[lai-lae]

living under the poverty line

The poverty line in Arizona is having an income that is 138% lower than the average salary in the States. I’m one of those people.

I’m not saying this is the life to live but ...

I live on $400.00 a month with 5 lifestyle changes.

My relationship with money has changed. A lot. In this last year I went from having two average paying jobs to no job and taking my unemployment until it was gone. 

For that time, I felt incredibly bound to money. Now? That’s totally changed. I know money ebbs and flows. It flows to me in surprising ways and I take it every chance I get because I can’t negotiate when the next time I’ll get that “financial break”, because it does feel like work at times to budget so hard and to have the discipline to stick to your budget.

Which leads me to the first reason that I can make this minimalist lifestyle work.

1. I have a bunch of people that support me in areas where I’m weaker financially.

I have a brilliant boyfriend that pays rent. This is huge on so many levels. I would be living under a bridge, with a friend (and not be able to afford rent) -- most people aren’t that generous so most realistically I’d be forced to move back home. BFD, at least I wouldn’t be under a bridge.

I have a dad that wants to make up for lost time. It’s not worth getting into, but Dad cuts some cash for his daughter every so often. Which ALWAYS helps. I’m incredibly lucky to have his financial support and would absolutely be in a deeper hole if I didn’t have him. HE PAYS MY CAR PAYMENT PRETTY REGULARLY. NO LECTURE, PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

I have one particularly amazing friend that is much more financially abundant than I am! She takes me out to lunch sometimes, shares what she has with me, and doesn’t lecture me on my life choices. We all need self care. It sucks to not have a payday and think, “Wow, I’m going to allocate this to some retail therapy!”

Which leads me to my next point:

2. My relationship with self care has changed exponentially.

When I had one source of income, I had a very materialistic view of self care. It was getting sheet masks and bath bombs, getting a massage and my favorite dessert, happy hour with friends, or good old fashioned retail therapy.

That’s still true, but also not. Mostly not. A lot of that is the exact opposite now.

I workout instead of taking baths. I foam roll instead of getting a massage. I get fresh fruit instead of cake. When a friend offers to get me a coffee or a meal, I’m eternally grateful and accept instead of feeling shamed for it (eh, I still feel a little embarrassed). As for retail therapy? I go thrifting. Sometimes even through my friend’s closets. So people are typically downsizing, and when they make a Goodwill donation I’m the first to ask, “Can I take a look before it goes?” I’ll even offer to take the donation myself in return. 

My mom is pretty famous for buying clothes, never wearing them, and tossing them. Literally. In the trash. UGH, no way. I’m also helping with my own carbon footprint by not buying more clothes!

3. The budget system I have is insane.

I’m not kidding. Every single cent is designated to a bill before it comes in. I pull my weight in my own way. I don’t want my financial state to affect something as important as my relationships with my loved ones and my boyfriend that already takes care of rent.

I pay for:

a. the phone bill - $175.00

b. electricity - $40.00 - $80.00

c. hulu and netflix - about $30.00 

d. my car (used, 2011, manual) and insurance - $300.00 Thanks Dad!

e. apple care for my phone - $8.00

f. various (things I need on a moments notice) - $100.00

g. I DON’T HAVE STUDENT LOANS THANK GOD.

total: $393.00 - $400.00

This is where things get pretty tragic. I work a virtual assistant job that’s meant to be supplemental income. I get paid $15.00 an hour for each contracted job I have. You can’t milk hours either, you basically have 2 hours to finish some projects, other times 15 minutes. It doesn’t mean you’ll finish it in that amount of time. I don’t think about it as time. I think about it as how much I’ll be paid for that job. Period. Here’s the shit, there’s never a guarantee I’ll get those hours. Tsk, tsk, contract work.

At $15.00 an hour, I subtract 30% to account for taxes. Which means I’m making a delightful $10.50 an hour. Joy.

I have to work an average of 6 hours a day (I work weekends) to get my $400.00. 

But here’s the fun part, I don’t count the gigs I get. This is the pleasant surprise I get. When I book a gig, I know for a fact that I’m going to get more cash in my pocket. That’s what keeps me going. The concept that this will be my full time job if I win and you can’t win if you don’t play (not the lottery, never the lottery).

This reason alone is why I don’t spend a fucking dime.

4. I handle my debt so I don’t go under (any more than I already am).

I am in debt. I have a car payment and a shitty CC bill. The cost of working average salary jobs is that they are soul-killing. For a lot of the years I was pulled away from my passion I was fucking sick.

All the time.

With what? I don’t know. But at one point you get so frustrated with being sick that you go to crazy lengths to feel good. As I mentioned before, all my previous self care tactics involved “getting”. More self care days on top of probiotics, organic EVERYTHING, supplements, medicine, holistic medicine, all of which are really expensive. But I kept getting sick. SO THAT RACKED UP MEDICAL BILLS. Which everyone knows in the States is insane. Even with the killer insurance I had, I was still thousands in debt over it.

I worked gigs in other cities, I had to pay for hotel rooms (low budget projects don’t pay) and I was so desperate for things that made me happy that I never negotiated. I just did it. I had the money. Until I got laid off.

So. My CC statement comes in and I face it every single time. I pay off what’s coming in, and I put $100.00 towards it. The a-c expenses go on my CC so I pay those off every month plus some. I round UP on all those bills so I know I’m putting more towards that principal and I’ll cover my minimum payment with preventing more charges.

How much in debt am I? Almost $10,000. That’s double my “annual salary” without counting acting gigs.

Which is way less than a lot of people my age, considering the student loan crisis, but this is insane for me. I have no excuse to have this, but here I am. Is what is, and I’m chipping away at it the best I can.

For what it’s worth, I had a budget plan when I had my job to leave this year debt free... What kind of opportunity would bring that to me now? That’s up to the universe. I’m dedicated as heck to see it happen. I’m open to it. 

5. You intuitively eat and get generic everything.

Soup is magical. It’s value is insane because the different soups you get can really ensure you get a lot more nutrients. Bread is the one thing I’ll splurge on. 

The trick is eat until your stomach is done growling, then stop. It’s basic portion control, it saves so much food.

I get all my fruit and veggies frozen to avoid wasting perishables. I’ll get fresh food as treats if I know we’ll eat them; typically after a really long only-frozen-food spree.

My grocery list is the same, we buy bulk when we know we’ll use it all (almonds, dish detergent, laundry stuff, etc). My beloved boyfriend will also pitch in for food when times are harder and I get less hours. We do our best. I invest in meal replacement shakes (of Amazon) to help when certain days of the month I’m extra hungry or after hard workouts (which are most days).  

ALL of our basic cleaning supplies are from the Dollar Tree. I’m not kidding, all of it. If we have any household needs, the first place we go is the Dollar Tree. Toilet paper? Cleaners? Can openers? Ziplock bags? Organizers? ALL FROM DOLLAR TREE.

I’m impressed if anyone read to this point.

TL; DR

Swallow your pride. Accept help when it’s offered from anyone. If it feels transactional, offer services in return. Don’t exploit people or drain them, it’ll only make you feel shittier. Cash in your favors.

Budget all of your finances. Stick to it at all costs (pun intended) to not let yourself fall in deeper. 

Make self care about legit caring for yourself through exercise, good food, and having deep conversations with people you care about. 

Take this time to listen to your body when it comes to hunger. Read labels, think about the food groups, and know that most things that are frozen are about as good as the real thing.

Lastly, remember that energy cannot be created or destroyed. Your effort to your goal is being sent somewhere and it will come back to you. When I hustle I see it. Keep up the hustle.

[ventingrightnow]

Friday was a great day

I walked in to him mentioned my funny puns I made for him. Him bragging about me to others. Indian Boss. I made coffee and he came over and said “I still love all those puns you made me” and I could tell he was impressed. Then every time (or at least a few times) he went to get water he would look over at me, say my nickname, and talk to me. He needed me to do some scheduling (like he can’t look at bald boss’s calendar himself) and I told him to just CC me on the email and he said he felt bad doing that. I later mentioned it again and he goes “no You shouldn’t have to do that” “what, my job?” “Yeah but you’re not supposed to do that for me, I’m not important” (or something like that) and I tell him that I’ve scheduled for nearly everyone in the office, outside of dev.

God that panic attack I had when I heard him talking about the charity event he had to go to and then the house warming party. I can’t describe it. It was like (here I go, describing it, lmao) my heart sank and my chest tightened and then my stomach filled with electricity. Short of breath. Nerves at a high. It’s terrible. I had to go by his desk, pretending to ask about some stupid key card shit asking about his weekend plans. Charity event he went with some friends. No worries there. Then he had that boat bachelorette party which I found more humorous than anything else. Couple people brought it up to me like “did CRUSH tell you what he was doing this weekend?” And i say yeah and I think it’s hilarious and then 50+lbs is nearby and CRUSH says he’s invited and I go “YOU INVITE 50+LBS AND NOT ME??” He talks about keeping the ratio up and I say that by adding me he keeps the ratio high .... or low ... and he laughs and says I’m gullible, that he’s bringing no one and “can you imagine showing up and being like, hey, we’re here and oh this is my friend” friend. No coworker. Friend. He also asked about his friend who matched with me on hinge “you know, my friend who swipes.” “Oh yeah we matched” “did you hook up? No, actually I don’t wanna know” “yeah we chatted, he told me he had a motorcycle” then he says that he hated that thing and that he always tried to get CRUSH to go on a ride to the boat and he thought he was crazy. CRUSH showed me this video of an interior of a courvette, and I ask him why he needs such expensive toys considering the implication that people with those kinds of toys are vain and have small dicks. He said “I like keeping expectations low and then disappointing them anyway” haha he listened to a voicemail from his mom on speaker at the fridge, got to listen to her say she loved and missed him and I mouth “who is that?” “My mom” “awww” chubby jew sales asked me towards the end of the day with CRUSH nearby, “what are three characteristsics you would use to describe someone with a courvette” I quickly go “self-involved” think for a good 20 seconds “heterosexual, small-penis”

So much happened that Friday. We did the 12 gun salute for our final intern, or should I say one nerf assault, got that bitch on camera and at the end you can see him look at me, smiling, after I ‘woo’ once it’s over. Then he was at my desk, caught me labeling my Polaroid book, checked out the photos from the hoopla, mistook the whole album for the hoopla, I quickly corrected saying it was just those 5 pictures, then he still goes through it, first photos he sees are of me and my wife at the Gala and he comments that we looked great, or very nice or whatever he said, of course now I can’t remember. He continues all the way to the second page and then gets distracted and leaves. I bring over the photo of me in the robe in Jamaica to his desk and go “how amazing is this photo” and he goes “this is awesome. You look like a baby” “thank you! ... I don’t know if that was a compliment, but I’ll take it” haha

He was at my desk and one of the drawers was open, saw old cigar boss’s ID photo and picked it up, saddened by it. Says he remembers the day because he was there with Trump Dev. I say that I’ve already given him one hug so I’m out. We ended up leaving together “by accident” (I started packing my shit the second I heard him packing his, and then loudly said, I gotta get out of here) then stood up with my backpack and he was there with his and I go, “quit stalking me geez” and we walk out together. He asks me to put his umbrella in his backpack and then we get in the elevator. He says he’s walking home and I ask about his new place, slipping in the question about a housewarming party and he says he’s gonna have it when his place isn’t a shithole so I go “oh so never?” “Yup” haha

He came by my desk once, sneaking up behind me but I saw him from the corner of my eye. So he asked me something and he goes “ah, was trying to scare you” then he later came by, maybe a few hours later and did in fact scare me cause I genuinely did not see him coming by and I go “there, you scared me”

We also were all bullying him about a subway salad, and at the end he goes “yeah everyone keep making fun of me and my food” and I go, “you’re fat and you go to subway” flippantly and he genuinely laughs. I ask him if the salad is made with the same lettuce they use on the sandwiches and he says yes and I catch a laugh/snort and he laughs.

The final intern left that day and he wrote us goodbye notes, the sales team got one to share, I got my own, and CRUSH asks where it is (after I tell him about it) and I get up to go to NewBaby Sales’ desk and get it for him and look over his shoulder as he reads it and his scent is fuckin STRONG AND AMAZING and I literally stand there at his shoulder reading the card and breathing so deeply and silently that I could’ve OD’d from the aroma holy shit I can still smell it now, fucking amazing. Ugh. Smelt like ... sweet cologne. Not floral, no harsh. Just ... yes.

He was talking about that day he went solo on the boat with TrumpBlonde, after I had brought up wondering if his dad and sister were going to this bachelorette party since he went solo with TrumpBlonde, and he said something that was like “yeah, best day of my life” and I heavily rolled my eyes and I could tell he noticed it annoyed me that he was talking about her and he ups the anty by saying that he’s pregnant with her baby and I laugh.

Later on I hear him talking to chubby sales and chubby jew sales, chubby Jew sales routines bullies him but in a less funny way, like, it seems like he wants to be him but also is so happy not to? Anyways, he was picking on him for hooking up with a lot of women and said that CRUSH probably has an STD and then it cut in and out but I hear them talk about the nuvaring and chubby Jew sales doesn’t know what it is and I loudly go “it’s female birth control” WHAT? It’s lady birth control. “No it’s not” “wait, what’d you say?” “What’d you think we said?” Chubby Jew sales leaves to go smoke a cigarette and was also feeling uncomfortable and I go back to work and they talk for a few minutes before them both asking what I thought they said, and I ask them back, what did they say, we go back and forth for like a full ass minute and then I look at chubby sales and mouth “what did he say?” And he goes “NR?” I’m like oh yeah the nuvaring, and they go yeah, and I’m like, it’s female birth control, I’m not wrong. They seem extremely confused and I go, do I need to give you a lesson on what a Nuva ring is, they say yes, and I bring a chair over and say “from personal experience...” and explain the various aspects. CRUSH goes “yeah it’s a ring you put in and leave there forever” I explain the timeline (3 weeks in 1 week out, you get your period, then you put it back in) and the fridge aspect blew their minds. “Well why does it have to be kept in the fridge?” “Well the whole thing is that it slowly releases birth control when in you, and you’re a warm place —“ “ohhhh” hahah it was fun and funny, I didn’t mind explaining it not felt uncomfortable telling two of my coworkers I’m on birth control lmao chubby sales says that you can’t feel it when doing it and I say that I’ve had no complaints, “it’s like ... rubbed for her pleasure” LMAO then they spent a good twenty minutes doing “the move” from dirty dancing, singing the song “I’ve had the time of my life” and CRUSH keeps flinging his chest at chubby sales and chubby Jew sales until he eventually decks chubby sales in the face. Whoops lmao “I feel like I’ve blown your mind this week.” “You have!” “Nuvarings and that stand up set? My gosh ...” (also idk if I’ve posted this yet but remember when he asked dental floss for that photo of us on the jet ski? I gotta remember to get that. I feel like I saw it and it wasn’t that great lmao)

I posted earlier some “50 signs he’s into you” or whatever work-related romance BS and I think one of them (I think, like I can’t just fuckin look it UP) is that he makes up reasons to talk to you and he’s 100% doing that cause not only can he 100% schedule on his own, and most likely has been for a YEAR, but he’s been CCing me on random ass emails? Like he doesn’t know that all billing goes to literally anyone but me? Or his little donut project? I’m telling you, he likes me. There are some days where I feel bad about myself or how I look but when I come to work, I see him, I make him laugh, it makes me smile, he makes me laugh, and I smile and all that insecurity fades away and I feel like ... I feel like a ... I feel beautiful. He makes me feel beautiful. I know this is a pipe dream, that we can’t be together and that he’s in this fuckboi phase of getting over his ex and being a hot 29 year old, but ... I like the way he makes me feel. I crave going to work. The weekends are fucking agony now. I can’t date anyone because I’m obsessed with him. And I’m not ... sometimes I hate it because it’s kinda hopeless and I can see people just sigh at me and look at me like I’m some idiot and I’m fully aware of what I’m doing. I’m fully aware. But ... for now ... and for the past year really ... we’ve been flirty friends. And that’ll remain the same. It’s not healthy. But, it’s happening and until I come to an impasse, I’ll continue looking like a hot bitch and an internal hot mess.