#GENDER EUPHORIA COMING HARD RN

[heatherchasesyou]

I've already made a Heather cosplay, now here goes sum Vincent cosplay 😁😁 plus my cats (I AM SO HAPPY W THIS ISTG)

Bonus for sum gamer Vincent ahhhhh

[alex-the-alterhuman]

Answering the questions from this image that I found :>

(if you're reading this in the future: some things may have changed, mostly due to me being kinfluid)

🌲 - if we're talking about only my animal therio/linktypes, it's very hard to tell, which one is my "main" one. Although my canine linktype (which I feel is becoming a theriotype) affects my life the most.

🪵 Stable species: barn owl, canadian lynx, white cat, canines (all species), alien

Unstable/fluid species: frogs (all species), every kintype I get while being kinfluid

🫎 it really depends on the situation or the xtype that we're talking about. But for sure I prefer being called and percieved as an alien rather than human.

🦷 - my identities are strictly psychological

🕸️ - I'm not sure what the author means by connecting, but I assume that it's things like meditation, triggering shifts, wearing gear, ect. And I sometimes do these things.

(in case you were wondering: my meditation is not spiritual. For me, it's rather calming down and mentally shifting into my xtype)

🪲 again, it depends which xtype. I'm going to "comapre" the intensity of my xtypes.

Alien, canines, fluid kintypes > barn owl, canadian lynx > white cat > frogs

🐞 yes, I do! Mostly phantom, vocal, mental and bi-local.

🪱 - definitely my tails, but also videos and photos of my xtypes.

🦧 - mostly wild, but my canines clado-link includes wild dogs and house dogs. Also, my white cat therio/quoitype is domestic.

🐺 - I own 2,5 tails (because the 3rd one is broken loll), 2 masks and i forgor the others (I'm in school rn and my memory is short af)

🌿 - definitely triggering (or trying to trigger) shifts, watching videos and drawing my xtypes

🍂 - yeah :[

🍄 - my animal theriotypes don't have their genders/sexes and names confirmed, my alien kintype most likely doesn't have genitalia and my current Ghoulia kimtype (kinfluid) is ace, xenogirl.

🌻 - those "space ambient music playlist" videos give me species euphoria when it comes to my alien kintype.

⭐ - they are all seperate, and I don't have any problems with that.

🌧️ when they have the same animal theriotype as mine, it's totally ok, because they are many animals of the specific species.

Alien - I've never seen anyone having an alien kintype which looks like mine. Although I'm still trying to figure out my appearance.

The so-called "doubles" don't bother me at all.

🪻 - nobody loves me. I have a crush on a guy from my school, but he probably will reject me. Like everyone.

🦦 honestly, I have no idea...

(idk what emoji is that😭) - no, I don't match my xtypes with clothing style.

[eldrytchcryptid]

"You gotta enjoy every part of your transition, you're still becoming a man now - even without it."

-a very wise trans girl

I've been waiting almost a decade to start testosterone, and finally having a date for my gender appointment has made me... almost ignore all the euphoric changes (and all the weird and funny changes) happening in my transition as a trans man. So I thought I'd make a list of pre-t stuff! I might add more later - or y'all can add some too!

Socially transitioning

- feeling I gotta make sure to let ladies go first (on the bus, through doors etc)

- "Ma'am?" "Who??? Oh right. Uh yeah no." / "Deadname?" "DEADNAME?" "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO RN - oh lol."

- oh god am I making her nervous DUDE STOP BEING WEIRD *I'm literally just walking home and it's dark* BE LESS WEIRD *aaaAaaAAA*

- *mmm boobs* *AAAA IM LOOKING AVERT AVERT AVERT*

- am i still allowed to say hi and pull faces at cute babies or is it weird cause I'm a dude now?? Am I creepy?? But kids! Kids are fun!!

- *on dating apps* oh god this is so different now I have to come up with conversation oh god oh no

- yes let me pick up these heavy chairs for you ma'am yes I am helpful I am a valid man now / yes let me get this thing off this high shelf even tho I'm only 5'7

- *watching videos of me a year ago* oh shit I actually speak lower now w/o T

- that crunchy morning / cold-ridden / drunk low rumbling voice 😩👌

With a (stp) packer

- *upon putting it on* oh oh it's a dick holy shit yes

- *upon taking it off at the end of the day* 😭 noooooo my dick my broski I miss you already

- the fcking toilet seat

- aim aIM GOD NO nOT THERE

- I really hope I don't look like I'm hard rn

- *need to adjust* *no I'm disgusting don't look at me*

- *upon crossing legs* oh shit I can't wait hold up it's in the way *has to change way to cross legs*

- manspreading?? Am I spread too much??? help

- these trousers as tight af but my dick looks amazing right now

- left or right. Too far up wait *searches pictures of dudes to find out where to put my dick

- *touches whilst sat chilling at home* fren. safe. i love u pp

- *squish* *wiggle*

- *I will hit you with my penis as an threat*

Minoxidil (pre-t beard growth)

- *stroking beard* hheeeeeee fluffyyyy

- RAZOR BURN ITCHY

- researching how tf to shave cause apparently i can't fuckin do it right

- stubble???? Itch???? Euphoria???

- *strokes* hmmm yes indeed

- gotta fuckin use twice the face wash cause I'm essentially shampooing at this point

Body

- huh yea guess that's me (instead of hatred/disgust)

- yeeeee hairy legsssss

- cis guys wish they had this ass dude

- need musle gib *too chronic fatigued to work out*

- mm yes men's clothes (on top half w/binder)

- mm no men's clothes (thighs and ass too strong 🥲)

- shoes make me taller let's fucking go

- men have tits too right? Ye man I just got man tits

- *stroking the mirror like I'm Mulan* am I just a gross man? Is this my fate?

- strapon. just. strapon.

[garpond]

Im too tired to phrase this how I want but I'm just thinking abt how much I can't stand most transmaac specific spaces rn, once you notice how self absorbed they are it's really hard to not think about it. It's like some of us get a hit of gender euphoria out of mocking and dismissing the concept of misogyny or some shit like it comes free with your newly acquired manhood. Also less important in my mind but I get tired of being told "don't worry you aren't capable of sexism that's only real men! You're not capable of being a Real man so don't worry! We're all still girls deep down" but in passive flowery wokespeak

[pluralmanor]

Being me is so hard.

I'm literally having an identity crisis rn. No, not gender. No, not sexuality either. I'm having a crisis on what fucking SPECIES I AM.

I can't see my reflection in headspace.

None of the alters have told me what I look like. (Every time I bring it up, they act almost disappointed).

I feel like I have green skin with splotches of the body's skin tone, but I don't know for sure because I keep forgetting what my skin looks like.

I go to headspace, have all my limbs, go back to front, and immediately forget what my skin looks like.

I get excited when my sharp canines show in the 'real world'

no reflection, fang euphoria, vamp/vampself pronouns...

so i'm thinking i could be a vampire, right?

BUT WHERE THE HELL DOES GREEN SKIN COME FROM???

where does the craving for a "hannibal style" meal come from???

so maybe zombie???

but why do i keep forgetting my skin??

what color is my hair?

why won't anyone tell me?

i'm so fucking confused. i've never even felt human.

[rattycattyfanfic]

ok head full rn.

lynn strapping amanda. amanda as a needy bratty bottom (my fave). lynn making her wait. feeldoe so lynn can take as much as she wants and force amanda to wait. lynn choking that stupid idot and playing w her piercings from the back.

but also. amanda strapping lynn. amanda would get off so hard on the gender fuckery of it, she'd get so much euphoria. she'd get off on giving lynn pleasure. she'd keep going until lynn could literally not stand up or come any more. her service topping would be her way of thanking lynn and showing the extent of her love and how much she wants lynn to feel good. like. ough

your lynnmanda fics are everything to me you portray them so well, i love it and your writing is amazing also the smut omgggggg so good im begging ypu to please write about lynn fucking amanda with a strap

thank you!! omg.....head full. tbh i was thinking amanda would wear the strap and service top the hell out of lynn just getting off getting her off. but also......lynn with the strap could work

[attourney-at-lycan]

im sick rn so have some aphmau characters being sick hcs i can come up w/ on the spot

— dante and travis get a cold and immediately believe it is their time

— katelyn and aaron have no fucking clue that modern medicine exist and believe they can walk it off. “god i gotta stop fucking coughing” “why dont u take medicine or like.. some cough drops?” “…right, yeah.. totally knew that.”

— everyone goes to either lucinda for potions or garroth nd aphmau for home remedies that their mom’s slapped on them.

— “do you guys have anything i could use for when im si—“ laurance, gene & aphmau: vapor rub.

— zane rarely gets sick bc he’s careful as fuck but when he does it hits so hard that it’s almost scary

— vylad never gets sick

— pre-t (??) travis loved being sick bc his sick voice sounded like a third grade boy and it’s absolute gender euphoria (he’s just like me fr)

[doorsclosingslowly]

One year of SOC fic: and I still currently have as many WIPs in the works fml

I’ve been writing fanfic about Crows—let’s be honest, mostly Jesper, for one year now and it’s been such a joy wildly mixing the sad (what if Kaz’s trauma was externalized into being a zombie child), the fun fetishes (would you believe I only started writing porn this year? wild) and the silly results of bad jokes into the 25 crimes listed below and the many, many more crudely scrawled love letters to Jesper Llewellyn Fahey I have half-finished or just barely plotted on my hard drive rn. Look forward to year two!

Canon and canon divergent

Condemn It to Its Future (4.5k, M, Gen, the “kaz drowns and becomes a sentient child zombie” fic)

Love Your Masks and Adore Your Failure (6k, E, Kaz/Jes, the “slowjob” fic)

If You Want a Partner, Take My Hand (8.1k, E, Kaz/Jes, the “trans man kaz over-comparing trans man jesper to the sun tbh” fic)

True Faith (7.6k WIP, M, Kaz/Jesper/Wylan, the “let’s explore jesper’s gambling addiction by getting him addicted to modified jurda parem” fic)

I see your face in every flower (10k, E, Jesper/Reader, the “jesper gets it on with a Lovecraftian entity and that entity is YOU” fic, cowritten with @rainstormdragonragon)

Everybody Knows that the Dice are Loaded (5.3k, E, Kaz/Jes and bg Jes/Wylan, the “dickpunching as an act of devotion” fic)

This Time There's No Code Word (3.5k, M, Gen, the “jesper became a Dime Lion instead” fic)

Do You Remember the First Time? (3.1k, M, Gen, the “right after he joins the Dregs jesper saves kaz’s life” fic)

Things Will Shortly Get Completely Out of Hand (2k, T, Gen, the “ruining someone’s university graduation” fic)

Come Sing These Things (1.4k, G, Kaz/Jes, the “jesper’s teen diary” fic)

As Fish Love Water (2.5k, E, Kaz/Jes, the “ankle gills STD” fic)

Show-verse

Nearer than Heaven (2.7k, E, Jes/Dima and Kaz/Jes, the “jes tells kaz about his hookup” fic)

How the Light Gets In (19k WIP, E, Kaz/Darkling and Kaz/Jes, the “kaz the teenage Sun Summoner gets stolen back by jesper” fic)

Where Can We Live But Days? (22k WIP, E, Kaz/Jes/Inej, the “jes is the Sun Summoner and kaz hides him via murder and becoming a patron for Sun Summoner pulp erotica” fic)

It's a False Start and Not an Ending (2.4k, M, Gen, the “what is pekka touched kaz in that intimidation scene” fic)

Modern AU

Perhaps the World Will End at the Kitchen Table (13k, E, Kaz/Jes with bg Kaz/Jes/Inej, the “jesper’s dream date with his married boss who’s just using him for sex right? right?” fic)

I will love You at 4:15 p.m. next Tuesday (7.7k, M, Kaz/Jes/Inej with bg polycrows, the “new year’s eve, adhd problems and arson” fic)

Darling, Boss, Baby (2.3k, T, Kaz/Jes with bg polycrows, the “don’t you DARE call me Boss Baby” fic)

We Owe It to Disaster (1.9k, M, Gen, the “spy jes gets tortured and rescued” fic)

This Is the Time of Our Great Undoing (5.7k, T, Gen or Kaz/Jes who knows, the “gimp mask cuddling” fic)

Sweating off the Cheat Notes on My Thighs (10k, E, Kaz/Jes with bg polycrows, the “agender jesper’s gender woes and gender euphoria” fic)

Frosted Tips (4.9k, E, Kaz/Jes, the “lick frosting off the tip of my cock” fic)

Another Dream About Shapeshifting (4.1k, T, Gen, the “jesper dies and then goes on a roadtrip with kaz” fic)

Easy (6.1k, T, Kaz/Jes, the “decades-long besties on a first date” fic)

Other AU

By Your Hand Is the Only End I Foresee (10k, WIP, Kaz/Jes, the “everyone’s a Sith” fic)

Bits and Bobs

Crows Outside Complaining About the Finer Points of Local Politics (snippet collection)

[semiotextiana]

I feel like im in my mediocre era like i know ill never be a beautiful doll im a woman but sometimes i feel like such a genderless hobo and i guess im still evolving but lately i really feel my delusions touching base with reality and thats healthy but i dont want it to be a discouraging experience. i also spent 5 out of 7 days with a man whos much older than me who i sometimes cringe over whos in love with me and we have sex all the time and he doesnt know im trans and its so weird and random and i feel like i have such a random body rn like very not the beautiful image i want the world to see and i used to be so so so controlling of how im perceived and now im getting to know what its like when youre sort of just being yourself and dont have to fear being clocked as a scam or a fake and its so normal but i also in a way miss the rush of trying so hard to pass and succeeding. i think theres a bunch of gender euphoria still waiting for me but rn im in this weird sort of meh of both worlds vacuum where my dysphoria isnt fully gone and im not where i want to be yet and i dont love myself but ive also been perceived as just a woman for such a long time now and thats me and thats my life but its just all not fully adding up with each other in the right place at the right time. like i cant erase the experience i come from and im not trying as hard any more bc life is possible but life is also like not great and im not quite *there* wherever that is yet. and my normal female woman vibes for example dont match my abandoned little child level of need for validation that i cant just outgrow and leave behind like that. just all these things at once

[archived-and-moving]

DANU DANU DANU

So in gsa today my friend let us know that he’s using he/they now, and we sort of got to just reminding people of pronouns in case there are changes anyone forgot or missed, etc and for my turn I said “all pronouns. All the pronouns” bc I’m not ready to specify ze/zir yet

And then my best friend who is wonderful and beautiful and I love him asked if that included it/it’s and neopronouns or just he/she/they and I said something like “it/it’s and neopronouns would be good, thanks” so I guess now I’m out with neopronouns even if not exclusively!!!

Our club leader said they didn’t really get why someone would use neopronouns and I prepared to slink into my hole of shame and internalized transphobia but then they said “but you do you” so maybe it’ll be okay

Also my friend got their top surgery scheduled and I am SO happy for them, good gender feelings all around :D

Alaskdjf;alskdfj Dude that's so cool!!!!! As Wyre said a while ago, the letter z is so gender, and I still agree w/ that to this day. It's so awesome that you came out with all pronouns though! That's a huge step in the direction of coming out with neos, so huge kudos to you. (Also he/they pronouns are awesome. I'm kind of a biased source but it's cool.)

Yeah! Sar I'm so proud of you rn you have no idea. Like, coming out with neopronouns is something that's really terrifying, and I'm so so incredibly glad that you have amazing irls who will support and love you for who you are. That's such an incredible thing to have, and it makes me so happy that you have a support system as cool as that.

Neopronouns are so incredibly unique and customizable to the user's euphoria, which is a huge pro, making it easier for you to find something that you really vibe with. (Like with the letter z or x, or pronouns that center around nouns/emojis.)

The only downside is that makes it hard for a lot of people, even some of those in the community to get behind. Sometimes people will come around, and other times they won't. But just know that me, an internet stranger thinks that your pronouns are cool, gender, and valid. Although that might not be as cool as someone you know irl, every little bit counts I hope.

Good gender feelings are awesome!! I hope your friend has a great time with their top surgery, and has a good recovery. I offer you and your friends a sincere congratulations, because coming to your own as a person and feeling good about it is a marvelous feeling. I'm so glad you guys got to experience it!

[trans-advice]

I recently realized i’m probably a trans guy and I’ve been having a really hard time battling internalized transphobia and wondering if i’m “trans enough” /feeling imposter syndrome about it. I need to tell my therapist about it because he’s the only person i trust with this rn but i’m terrible at owning up, especially considering i’ve been having some (trigger warning) suicidal thoughts. Do you have any advice for how to bring my gender identity up in our next session? Also, i just have to ask: does it get better?

firstly, "trans enough" comes from a transphobic discourse from a decade ago, that said only 1 in 30,000 people were trans, which is very wrong. it's a myth that still lingers among transphobes today when they are trying to count our numbers, but basically there are better ways to figure yourself out. https://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TSprevalence.html

when you're talking about sociological identity you go by what works for your mind. gender euphoria indicates that you are closer/warmer to expressing your gender identity & gender dysphoria indicates that you are further/colder from expressing your gender identity. part of the reason a therapist is helpful is because they can help you figure out between intrusive thoughts & thoughts that you agree with & other nuances like that.

when you are transitioning you are seeking to improve the quality of your life. generally there are about 3 transitions that happen, & the pace will vary depending on what you have available: social transition, medical transition, legal transition.

your mileage will vary on whether "it gets better", but the point of transitioning is to make your life better, while having your consent & authenticity be respected, and self-respect counts for a lot here. you will be seeking to make yourself secure as opposed to insecure. therefore, while you will face new problems, the goal is to help yourself.

that being said, in the course of my lifetime it was illegal for trans minors to get HRT in my state until about 2013. So basically anyone younger than me has had a better quality of life regarding medical transition & social transition, which transphobic lawmakers in several states are attacking.

Point being, the activists & advocates for the LGBT+ community, for bodily autonomy rights, for anti-bullying, for refuting the "1 in 30,000" myth, for a feminist economy, their organized work, towards getting those oppressive systems changed, not just regarding HRT, but with gender marker corrections too (which in my state became legal in 2018 on the Appropriate Clinical Treatment standard instead of the Bottom Surgery standard),

The work of several groups of people over several decades is what makes things better & allows trans people to transition. I would recommend "transgender history" (2nd edition) by Susan Stryker because it goes into a lot of the activism history in USA over the 20th thru 21st centuries.

So it'll depend on what work (either for or against trans people) has already been done, and while you need to build yourself up first before you can help a lot of others, remember that your quality of life will depend on others & it'll help to work with others for collective improved quality of life. Also regarding your transition, you might need to deal with other areas of your life to help further your transition, such as perhaps your living situation, because it's harder to heal when the injury is ongoing. Don't take it for granted that things will get better, but you are not alone & you should seek out connections (which is technically part of social transition).

So what this means for your therapist is that you can either be like upfront so that you can spend the whole session going over it, or you can discuss these various other parts of your life that will be important for a transition. Here's an article about what sort of care/therapy/treatment your therapist should be giving you, basically they respect your pace & identification: https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/cultural-competency/education/transgender-and-gender-nonconforming-patients/gender-affirming-therapy

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

[drukhari]

Hey king, I was wondering if I could ask for your advice. I'm nb and still living w my family, not in a position to move out rn for a bunch of reasons, and honestly I miss being around queer people and feeling slightly less Other ya know? Don't really have people at home to call me by my chosen name or the right pronouns and it gets hard (I have brought it up and corrected them a fair few times, minimal effort is made which I've called them out on too). Not a fun situation to be in but any advice on how to make it any less shitty? Also sort of related but seeing you existing as an nb adult is lowkey a lifesaver. You're one of two nb people I look up to a lot and want to be more like

I'm really glad that I can have that kind of positive impact - and I will say that I've been honestly surprised at how many people I've encountered like at work or just out and about who have been supportive, it wasn't at all what I was expecting. Like, seeing older colleagues using the correct pronouns for me in emails, team members putting their pronouns in their email signatures after I came out and started doing it...just little things like that really do make such a difference. I just wanted to put that out there so you and anyone else reading this who may be worried about what it's like being an out and proud nb adult might be able to breathe a little easier, it's not all bad by any means and people may surprise you in the long run.

As far as suggestions to make the situation at home a bit less shit, I can absolutely understand that it's really frustrating having to have that conversation over and over again, and seeing only minimal effort from them in actually changing when this is something that is super important to you is hard. I'm so sorry you're going through that 😔 Since the living situation isn't something you can change at the moment, most of what I'd recommend is more stuff that you can do for yourself to help offset it.

I know that for me I always try to surround myself as much as possible with things that feel affirming, because while my parents are supportive they both absolutely still misgender me with pronoun use (though they are slowly getting better at at least dropping the use of any kind of terminology that is associated with femininity/womanhood for me). Whether it's changing up my wardrobe so it's full of outfits that help me feel that gender euphoria, playing video games that let me create my own character and that don't lean heavily into cissexist gender roles (not gonna lie - just being called "good hunter" in bloodborne always felt so gender affirming like goddamn) or just having places that I enjoy walking/biking to where I can zone out, listen to some favorite tunes and feel completely at home in the universe (that last one in particular helps ground me again when physical and social dysphoria decide to hit at once, it's just like slamming a reset button on my brain for a bit).

I also definitely spent a lot of time finding communities online with other trans people. Even if I wasn't always totally comfortable being social, it allows me to always be able to touch base and at least see that there are other people out there who do get it, who experience the same things I do, and who do fully accept and support me in my own identity. While it doesn't fully take away the sting every time a family member misgenders me, it helps shore up my inner defenses so that I can feel like no matter what anyone else says, I know full well who I am and their mistakes are on them, not an indicator of anything I'm doing wrong when it comes to being me.

I hope some of this helps anon. Things won't always be as shitty as they are now, and you'll look back some day down the road and be proud of yourself for having the strength to get through this period in your life 🧡👍

[ghoestys]

i’m literally pulling this out of my ass so if there are errors and stuff doesnt make sense then please myob and pretend like u understand what im saying im trying to do this before i get caught not doing hw he comes at 6 n its 5:43 rn 

statistics

full name: suzy nora yoon nickname(s): su, suz (pronounced like snooze without the n)  age: twenty three date of birth: tba! hometown: tba! gender: cis female religion: athiest sexuality: bisexual hair colour: black/dark brown eye colour: brown height: 5'5″ tattoos: tba! piercings: tba!

prompt + blackmail

a member of the yale's elite, they're twenty-three and a senior undergrad student majoring in aviation engineering. they are as gregarious as they are aimless.

TW DRUGS!  1. to pay for yale's very expensive tuitition, suzy sells weed that's both fake and real, depending on who is buying and if she likes them. she's not a good seller, though, so this hasn't been the best form of income for her. 2. got accepted into the aviation engineering program, but suzy can't complete her homework without the help of drugs to keep her mind focused and creative enough to understand the problems

about 

family/upbringing/childhood/wtvr

so! literally pulling this out of my ass and making things up as i go! suzy was born in a family with her parents (mom & dad), her older sister, and her older brother. the family was strictly middle class and her parents and siblings were very hardworking. her siblings were good at what they did and they excelled in their academics because they tried hard and all that stuff!

growing up, suzy followed her siblings and her parents and was basically a gifted child from the very start. elementary and middle school was not hard for her and she was in all the advanced and gifted programs. the family was calm and there wasn’t anything drastic that removed the peace or caused any disruption at all. like. they were just chillin. 

i think suzy had an average relationship with her parents. they were still asian, so like... it’s as good as it was going to get. she was somewhat close to her siblings, but seeing as they were 5/8 years older than her, the age gap wasn’t that welcoming to the baby of the family. she was kinda just.. having fun on her own being smart n shit. 

anyways! high school! where all gifted kids literally come to die! due to her shit from elem & middle school, she was offered a full ride scholarship to some prestigious school and as asian parents, they were NOT going to reject that free ride to a school that would help ensure suzy’s success in the future. she went from being one of the smartest kids to being another burnt out gift child and high school was fucking ROUGH! 

bitch really had a fucking crisis and burned the fuck out. her not being the smartest bitch anymore literally killed everything in her and she just stopped being that. she met people and what do u know! got into the wrong crowd where drugs and alcohol was everyones bff! 

she got into that pretty heavily by sophomore year i would say. she was just. yea. 

i mean. she was burnt out  but her grades were still fine if u saw them. studying isnt hard for suzy and shes pretty smart, but she wasn’t at the very top of her class anymore and thats what killed her. instead of having straight a’s, suzy was getting b’s and a few c’s. in a family where anything other than an a was acceptable it really just killed suzy some more 

anyways! drugs and alcohol! made her feel good so she did it. she found that weed was the best thing as well as some tranquilizers/anything that relaxed her essentially. she just liked the feeling of floating n not caring or feeling any pressure like. she wanted to b in her own world n shit. 

college/the elites

after graduating high school, she didnt apply to college right away because honestly? drugs and alcohol and a bitch didnt care by her senior year. her grades were not the best and while she couldve gotten into college, she literally had no interest for college and her parents at this point baiscally disowned her so like? who the fuck is gonna pay for her college??

her work ethic is the worst bc shes so careless like. bitch had a shift from 1-7pm and showed up at 5 because she literally didnt feel bothered enough to show up.

anyways a year or so after graduating high school (idk the math rn) she got really high off something and just. did a whole ass application to yale bc she decided to apply for the shits n giggles. wrote a fake letter of recommendation, wrote killer essay and personal reflection shit or wtvr, and even submitted the application with an attached document of her outlining an entire airplane that wouldve been fully functional except for a few tweaks n shit that was needed

she some how got in from that (this is fake this would probs not b real <3 teehee) and bc she was now accepted and going to yale (she accepted high aha a theme for her), she had to think about how to fund for this shit so she decided to get into drug dealing!

which is honestly. not going good like a bitch again has poor work ethics so her as a drug dealer is so.... she literally got into it bc of euphoria bc it looked easy but doing it... is not easy at all but its her only form of funding so she’s doing it. kinda. loosely. please fire her. 

idk where to put this but. suzy is kinda like that girl from the queens gambit where she feels like she needs drugs to function so like she ditches class but she’ll do all her assignments nicely bc she thinks the drugs give her superpowers to b smart n at the top of her academic class again

when shes under the influence of anything she feels like she can function more or like her life is just... better when shes not sober and ull rarely really see her sober like shes usually just on something 

idk where the post is rn bc im too lazy to look for it bc i jsut got a text that he was coming now but!!! its the tweet where a guy was drunk n drew up an entire blue print of an airplane and that is literally fucking suzy i swear to god 

when shes high she’s like the smartest bitch around (shes smart without drugs but doesnt believe that) and can build airplanes n blueprints n solve maths n wtvrs

suzy is truly an asian stem bitch and the sciences and math is where she excels the most!!!! probs won awards n competitions for math and science but doesnt really acknowledge that much becase like... its just not something shes focused on

got into the elites by just making a blueprint of a plane from scratch infront of the twins like. legit just went infront of them, started making the blueprint from scratch to finish n gave it to  them saying here is a blueprint for a new private plane u guys can build for urselves 

personality 

personality wise she is very friendly n goofy n chill n chaotic 

literally a dumbass n honestly really annoying just ask orion 

shes just a stoner having fun doing her life n not really caring about anything like. how she made it to senior year who the fuck knows i really  dont honestly

i think the main way to describe her is bimbo like thats it 

not really into sharing her life and is more of a listener than a talker when it comes to conversations that are genuinely deep and personal. she will not talk to u about her problems and insecurities seriously (maybe she’ll do it in a self deprecating way) unless she trusts u w her life. otherwsie she will keep it to herself n prays that her stoner part will make people believe shes just chillin w no problems

when it comes to conversations about  nonsense n fake deep shit like what is air then suzy will not shut the fuck up like if u wanna talk to someone about nonsense then suzy is truly ur bitch like. a bitch can fucking talk 

doesnt mind being alone bc she has fun on her own but she prefers company more bc she likes having fun and having someone to accompany wtvr she does. whether its for smoking/drinking or hanging out but also just for like... going to class if she chooses to attend and doing everyday errands like groceries or wtvr. she doesnt really do groceries tho bc she just steals orions fodo but when she does choose to go she likes having people with her :) 

she doesnt have a passion for anything bc she doesnt dream of labor but the closest thing about b making airplanes or helicopters like. blueprints  come easy to her n she enjoys making them bc she feels like shes actually capable of something bc shes aware that making them isnt something everyone can do 

u can treat her like a dumbass n she wont call u on it even tho shes kinda smart bc she feels like shes a dumbass

most likely has bad self esteem and feels like a failure but uses drugs n alcohol to ignore that feeling :) 

probs the least judgemental person ull ever meet bc she really doesnt care about what u do like. she hears the secrets getting outted n she doesnt care there r high chances that she’ll still look at u the same way

[felidfavs]

oh man theres that tiktok rn where a nonbinary person is expressing their annoyance with certain nonbinary community subsets and ive been trying SO HARD not to comment on it but hHHHHH.

On one hand i completely get where they are coming from and its definitely A Thing so like no shade to that persons experiences and the video itself isnt outright disrespectful at all but GOD does it rub me so wrong.

like im also not fond of the sound and feel of enby, and people can totally like or dislike it and no one should force it on anyone else for sure! But the only reason it sounds "infantile" is because of the whole "kiki vs boba" concept where certain sounds, along with conventions in the english language like short syllables and stuff being associated with endearments and softer concepts and objects- theres nothing else about it that means that. Even if you take it out of verbal and write it "NB" that removes a lot of the softness- which is why when its a problem its always phoneticized. because "NB" isnt the FEELING of the sound youre hearing.

But that thing where people dont want to be infantalized (valid) being combined with people not wanting to be associated with "weird" "cringe" or "childish" things like associating with concepts like animals or fantasy creatures or objects... ends up feeling SUPER misogynistic and ableist to me?

The people who relate to raccoons and gremlins and shit arent doing it to be quirky and childish. Theyre doing it because of a fucking destroyed relationship with being able to identify with other human beings and reclaiming and playing with that alienation and expression. Theyre doing it because anytime you get remotely into the ballpark of an aesthetic claimed by a large enough group of a certain gender, their identity is once again questioned and people start treating them as THAT and not as THEM.

And like. I get that. I'm not huge on it myself but I literally have multiple "sona" characters based on dead cats because of struggling with derealization and depersonalization and depression and my identity and shit like. i really fucking understand wanting nothing to do with being perceived as anything remotely close to your physical self and thus distancing really hard from "normal human".

And then it also kicks into the ballpark of how a lot of neurodivergent people do similar and thats constantly trashed and bullied for being weird and abnormal. And given how theres a HUGE, HUUUGE problem with how people assume everyone whose nonbinary is afab... and specifically even in that video the person was kinda coming from a "why is that SIDE of the nb demographic like this why are the ""transmasc/amab""* types alienated" like, just, makes me flinch into...

is this another young ""women""(not women) cant be interested or do literally anything without being mocked? cause it has some of that flavour! With a little bit if "these """women""" arent nonbinary they just want to be weird and not beholden to the label of women" its just! mm! dont like it. (* also with the nod that is NB and necessarily any desire to be associated with those labels)

But yea. I donnnttt like it. I get where theyre coming from and super agree that if they feel like they cant be welcomed into the community or actively alienated thats an issue for sure! But I also super dont like the feeling of the video that the problem causing that issue is that theres some sort of monolith nonbinary culture that is cringey and should be minimized or downgraded in any way. From my understanding the joy of being nonbinary is that its usually an intentional departure from being able to be defined by your expression in the world and activities and roles and that you literally can not typify what it means to be nonbinary and thus anything goes.

So to me that person just... needs to find theyre bubble and fortify their comfort and security in what their identity means to them and find people who reinforce that euphoria for them. Cause like. As a nonbinary person who barely does fuck all irl to """seem nonbinary""".... can confirm we exist. No one defines nonbinary. People who try are usually trying simply to other themselves from it, because you cant other yourself or someone else until you have a definition. And othering isnt necessarily bad, but do it with love and intention. Your other is not meant to be your enemy.

[fantasiavii]

"trans lwj au " 👀👀👀 omg pls do tell more pleaseeeee omg i didnt know i needed this like air aaaaahhhh trans lwj auuuuu!!! Woah my are eyes open now

YESSSSSSSSSS okay, okay, I will tell

So I actually have like...two? three? trans lwj aus but the one I’m actually working on rn is a fluffy modern au in two parts.

Part 1: the part where wangxian fall in love. It’s the summer after their first year at uni and they’re kind of sort of friends but not that close (Wei Wuxian thinks Lan Wangji only barely tolerates him and Lan Wangji is still coming to terms with his crush). But at the beginning of the summer, Lan Wangji gets top surgery and is really out of it afterwards, enough that he accidentally texts Wei Wuxian. Nothing bad just like...rabbit videos and heart emojis and typos galore, very drunk lwj things, and Wei Wuxian is like ???? but they hit it off from there and fall in love and potentially there’s plot but I haven’t figured it out yet. I have A LOT of headcanons but no plot

The headcanons are like:

when Lan Wangji came out to his family (around age 4 when he first started going to school)

what his uncle’s reaction was (not good, he basically assumed Lan Wangji was too young to know what he meant and Lan Wangji stayed in the closet until high school)

how Lan Wangji was probably really confused growing up and kind of assumed his uncle was right so had a whole process of coming to understand that he really is trans over the next decade or so

trans and gay (middle school was a mess)

how Lan Wangji came out again (halfway through high school, to Lan Xichen, who said “I know, didi” and then hugged him really hard)

(I get the feeling that Lan Xichen at 7/8 was old enough to remember how four year old Lan Wangji insisted he was a boy and to figure out what it meant soon after. He then continued to spend a significant amount of time worrying and trying to make sure Lan Wangji could be as gnc as possible while growing up even if Lan Qiren wouldn’t let him transition)

Lan Xichen is also the one taking care of Lan Wangji after top surgery in the present day. They tell Lan Qiren after it’s done. Lan Qiren is still processing Lan Wangji being trans and he doesn’t quite get the trans and gay thing yet but he’ll come around eventually (I just can’t do sad endings aslfjdskl;)

I realize this sounds like angst but the fic is fluffy I swear! This is just backstory

Part 2: this is actually the part I’m going to publish first because I have most of it written (except for the last scene) and it can stand alone. I wrote a description in my notes that reads “NO PLOT JUST HORNY AND SOFT” and...that’s it, that’s the fic. (It’s about wangxian picking out a strap on together.) 

I’m not ashamed to admit part 2 is fueled primarily by spite after seeing multiple fics in which wangxian was straight-washed for...pegging purposes? As far as I can tell? It was around the same time as jkr*wl*ng was going on her first transphobic screed and I just could not deal with cis people anymore and started writing this fic as a way to cope lol. This fic is all about my trans joy and gender euphoria only agenda

Anyway I hope this gives you some air to breathe! (lol) I am ALWAYS down to talk about trans lwj (or trans wwx...or aus where they’re BOTH trans (that’s au #2 lolll)) it brings me so much joy 🥰

[cheetahleopard]

Tagged

 I was tagged by @yes-campaign!! Thank you so much friendo!!

Rules are you answer these and tag 20 people but I’m not going to tag that many people

The Last

1. drink: Caramel Frappiccino  2. phone call: My bro Braidy 3. text message: mah boi Karma 4. song you listened to: I’m playing my ship songs playlist rn  5. time you cried: Last night 6. dated someone twice: No. 7. kissed someone and regretted it: Never kissed anyone. 8. been cheated on: Nope. 9. lost someone special: I guess the mutual separation of me and my old gf  10. been depressed: All the time 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Nooo

3 favorite colors

12. Seijoh Teal 13. Fukurodani Gold 14. Johzenji Yellow

In the Last year have you

15. made new friends: DISCORD WRITERS CHAT AND BAND CAMP AND I HAD FRESHMAN ORIENTATION YESTERDAY SO HOPEFULLY I’LL MEET SOME NEW PEOPLE 16. fallen out of love: Not romantic love 17. laughed until you cried: Of course. 18. found out someone was talking about you: SO I SWITCHED SCHOOLS FOR HALF A YEAR AND COULDN’T GET MY LOCKER SHELVES OUT AND APPARENTLY AT THAT SCHOOL PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THAT 19. met someone who changed you: Yes, my skype gc. I wouldn’t be here without them. 20. found out who your friends are: I guess? 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: Don’t use facebook, still haven’t kissed anyone

General

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I don’t use facebook 23. do you have any pets: Kinda a cat at my dad’s gf and I hate my dad and don’t go to his house often. 24. do you want to change your name: Fuck yes. Avien for life 25. what did you do for your last birthday: Nothing special 26. what time did you wake up: Four am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: On the internet 28. name something you can’t wait for the announcement for: HAIKYUU!! SEASON 4 HAIKYUU!! SUBBED STAGE PLAYS SEIJOH OVA WITH SUBS  29. when was the last time you saw your mom: 5 hours ago 31. what are you listening to right now: My ship playlist 32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I think so  33. something that is getting on your nerves: People. Discourse, Bigotted ideals, etc. 34. most visited website: Tumblr and ao3 35. hair color: Blond, pinkish (used to be purple/blue but the kool aid is coming out), green 36. long or short hair: Short rn. To my shoulder on one side, pixie-cut length on the other, undercut 37. do you have a crush on someone: I love my girlfriend as much as my aro ass can!! And also,, Kind of? I want to hold someones hand but I don’t romantically have any inclination towards him? 38. what do you like about yourself: My eyes, freckles/moles, muscle, brain ig This one was hard XP 39. piercings: I wish 40. blood type: IDK I’ve had bloodwork done but not tested =[ 41. nickname: Birb  42. relationship status: In an open relationship with my lovely gf!! 43. zodiac: Aquarius 44. pronouns: They/Zey/He. (I’m toying with the idea that I’m a boy, not nb?)  45. favorite tv show: Haikyuu!! (obviously lol) 46. tattoos: I wish 47. right or left handed: Left handed but I’m training my right hand as well 48. surgery: No. I’m hoping to get Top Surgery in the next 2-4 years though! 50. sport: Volleyball and marching band although I couldn’t do either this year 51. vacation: I don’t like to travel 52. pair of trainers: What? Like sneakers? Any way about it I don’t understand the question (prompt? whatever)

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: I generally,,, don’t? It makes me want to through up most of the time. 54. drinking: Water rn 55. about to: Procrastinate writing more, start my next leg of school 56. waiting for: Inspiration and ideas to write the long ass mhiok thing I been working on 57. want: To write the long ass mhiok fic 58. get married: I’m panpolyalterous so like,,, If I have a partner that really wants to marry me sure 59. career: Gender Therapist is my dream job

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: If it’s me initiating hugs but I guess kisses anyway? I have no experience but chaste kisses and forehead kisses would be my weakness ig 61. lips or eyes: Eyes  62. shorter or taller: I WANT TO BE TALL 63. older or younger: I don’t understand this one? 64. nice arms or nice stomach: Idk? If this is like... abs v biceps I’d rather have big biceps than abs ig? 65. hook up or relationship: I don’t like sex... Relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: A bit of both because I have reached a level of fuck it where it really depends on circumstances

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: Nah. 68. drank hard liquor: when I was in like 2nd grade my mom thought it’d be smart to put vodka in a water bottle high in the freezer... I was taller than she thought and I used that particular water bottle a lot so I ended up drinking some. 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: Yes 70. turned someone down: Yes, back when I was romance repulsed 71. sex on the first date: Ew never 72. broken someone’s heart: I’m like 80% certain that I haven’t 73. had your heart broken: I have huge trust issues and I can’t feel romantic attraction. So resounding No.  74. been arrested: Nope 75. cried when someone died: No 76. fallen for a friend: In a non romantic way

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: Pfffttt nah 78. miracles: Depends 79. love at first sight: I believe that it can happen with very certain circumstances 80. santa clause: Nah  81. kiss on the first date: I mean it depends what kind and how long you knew each other before the date etc. 82. angels: Depends

OTHER:

84. eye colour: Marbled green 85. favorite movies: WE’RE GETTING A HAIKYUU!! MOVIE

If you want to do it say I tagged you!! Also @frenchibi @fragile-euphoria @thewritersquad(any who want to do it)