#Fun Fact: i had to go to ER TWO times for my dad and cousin in 3 days since i started to draw this (is it cursed?

[ruiky]

Merry Christmas! 🎄

Although it's not fully finished yet, i still love it!

I hope i can fully render it before 2025 😢

[bluedalahorse]

Unsolicited August backstory headcanons (plus a bonus tangent about Blue’s undergraduate initiation)

Ahahaha well, I left my work laptop at work by accident. I guess that’s my subconscious is telling me to take a break and post the August headcanons I’ve been drafting on the bus each morning so…

There are a few posts floating around my dash right now that ask questions about what August would have done in certain hypothetical situations. The discussion has all been worthwhile to watch, but I’ve refrained from jumping in as of yet, in part because work has been busy and in part because of personal headcanon reasons. The thing with personal headcanons is that they just kind of live in my head and influence the way I write fic. They’re not really the kind of thing I can prove or argue for, they’re just… vibes? But vibes are still worth talking about in one’s fandom spaces so I may as well ramble.

One thing I believe as someone who spends too much time writing from this garbage boy’s POV is that August did not show up to his first year of Hillerska as exactly the person we see onscreen in 1.1. He was a full two years younger, which is significant for a teenager, and he would have been more recently impacted by the loss of his father. Moreover he would have been entering as a first year and would not have been immediately afforded all the at-school privileges the third year boys enjoy. Now, this does not mean he was a morally perfect angel—far from it, given that being landed gentry with generational wealth can still do a number on one’s psyche. However, if I assume that August came to Hillerska as the very same Full Titled Asswipe he is as a third year, I don’t get to explore systems of privilege and how they radicalize young men into toxic and harmful behavior. Which is something I’m interested in as a writer, both in my fanfic and my original fiction.

With that in mind, here are some of my personal headcanons for August’s pre-Hillerska and pre-season 1 life, with some Horn family headcanons mixed in…

August’s relationship to the royal family—or not—was a big source of conflict between his parents. Carl Johan wanted him hanging out with the royal family and getting to know his second cousins while Louise did not. For the most part, Louise won this argument when August was a child. In August’s early childhood, Carl Johan would frequently go off to visit the palace on his own, and came back with fun stories and various presents and the like. I base this on the fact that August doesn’t seem to have hung out with Wille or Erik as a child, and seems to have some seemingly “insider” knowledge of the royal family, but with like, weird gaps about things. He also tends to idealize royal life in a way Wilhelm doesn’t, given that Wilhelm has lived royal life. I feel like this is consistent with a backstory where August was mostly told about the royal life from his dad’s perspective. Like he’s got a lot of details but he doesn’t have all of them and he’s still got rose-colored glasses.

August before the age of twelve or so was one of those kids who was pretty bad at interacting with kids his own age, but was “better” at interacting with adults. He’s an only child, so he wouldn’t have grown up around siblings, and would have probably had to play alone a lot. I don’t know if I believe school or his local area would have been an easy place for him to make friends given what @sflow-er was saying about children of the nobility and what it’s like for them when they go to their local schools. I wouldn’t go so far as to say August was bullied. (I mean, maybe he was, I don’t know. From my experience of working with young people, it’s not uncommon for kids who are bullied at one school to become bullies at other schools they transfer to. On the other hand, I think we’ve seen enough of August’s personality to know he could potentially be prickly and arrogant and push other kids away. Regarding that question, I think I’d go with whatever the fic needs. Anyway!) I also feel like, with the growing tensions in his parents’ marriage, he potentially would have coped by trying to put up a mature facade at a young age, which would mean lots of convincing adults he can handle everything. By the time he gets to Hillerska that all comes crashing down on him.

Because I’m such a gothic lit weirdo I insist that there were rumors Årnäs was haunted. Young August probably got asked about that a lot.

Maternal backstory headcanons: Louise’s parents were diplomats or in international business or something similar, so she spent periods of her youth away from Sweden, and sometimes away from her parents, often in international schools or international boarding schools. I have nothing to go on here canon-wise, except there’s that line where August says Louise is off traveling when the Headmistress can’t reach her. It’s very much an excuse, of course, but I like to imagine a grain of truth to it. Louise’s youth abroad gave her a yearning for international travel, and it’s her favorite way to escape the pressures of life when they get too great.

Paternal backstory headcanons: perhaps one of my more… spicy? controversial? … whatever… headcanons is that Carl Johan and Kristina were one another’s Unfortunate Romances in their youth. But Blue, you say. They are cousins! Ew! Which, yes, but they are also royals, and that sort of thing isn’t completely unprecedented I guess. There’s also a neat little chiasmus in my head where Wilhelm’s “unfortunate romance” shakes up the royal court because they feel like he’s trying to pull the monarchy into the future too fast, whereas in Kristina’s day she was that the monarchy needed to modernize, and that sort of thing was less frowned upon centuries ago but these days it Isn’t Done. ANYWAY Carl Johan’s feelings for Kristina remained sort of unresolved for most of his life, and this was something he ruminated on as his addiction got worse. Louise and Carl Johan never spoke about this piece of his backstory, but it was sort of always hanging awkwardly in the air between them. This also fueled Louise’s desire to keep August away from the palace and the royal family stuff, and the fights between her and Carl John about that. None of the kids’ generation knows about the Unfortunate Romance. Well, maybe Erik did, but he’s dead.

You may be asking, if Louise was opposed to August going to the palace and hanging out with his second cousins, then why did she send him to Hillerska? That, my friends, was an act of resignation, and of her not knowing what to do. I imagine puberty was already making August pretty irritable and difficult to deal with. And, with things growing worse and worse between his parents and his father’s addiction growing more problematic, August was probably just… not in a good place. No one in the family was a good place. I don’t see his parents as fully divorced in the year or so leading up to his father’s death, but I do think they were separated—maybe in an obvious way, or  maybe they were pretending not to be. So, when Carl Johan took his own life, I imagine August’s anger and grief got even more explosive, and was often directed at his mother. Louise was not in a place where she knew how to deal with the situation, and sent him off to the school her husband had been pushing her to send August to. Sort of like she threw up her hands and went, “you know what? Fine. If this is his final wish, so be it.” And so August was sent away.

August showed up to his first year just sort of… quieter at first, with a lot of anger and grief simmering underneath. I mean why talk about feelings? He was also desperately, desperately in need of something that gave him a feeling of purpose. And then Erik found him. I think this was in part orchestrated a bit by Kristina behind the scenes; I imagine there was a call or text message where she nudged Erik to check up on her cousin’s kid, because even as complicated as the past was, Carl Johan was at one point Kristina’s favorite cousin. So what Erik did was appoint August as his first year lackey who takes care of everything for him—the one who knocks on his door in the morning, the one who pours the drinks at the party, and so on. Basically, August was in the Alexander role for Erik, and ended up taking it very seriously. This was the purpose he had been looking for, the sense of meaning.

I think August’s initiation would have played a role in helping him to feel a sense of purpose and community, too. Wait, what the fuck, Blue? That’s probably what you’re saying right now. Well… a lot of people talk about what the initiation sequence was or wasn’t for Wille, and how Wille’s initiation would have been worse than that of other students. And people usually only talk about that in terms of what Wille experienced. As someone who has attended a school with initiations (and who has even been initiated myself, albeit in a milder way because it was at a women’s college with traditions that differ from Hillerska’s) I actually don’t know if I think that’s true. I also think August’s initiation was probably a more… well, probably something he thought of as positive? Exciting? Seemingly helpful? (I mean, not helpful, but you know.)

EXTREME BONUS TANGENT: I can say that as someone who has been initiated myself, it’s certainly not a fun experience for everyone. That said, it was fun for me at the time, and remains important to me in a way. Speaking from the perspective of someone who enjoyed my initiation experience, it’s… well, it’s kind of weird. You’re in this strange state of torture for a while, like intense mental and physical discomfort, and everyone around you seems to be determined to contribute to that, and you feel very constrained and stretched to your limit. But then once you pass your initiation and you’re welcomed into your new community, it’s like this sudden switch over to an intense euphoria and a whole flood of endorphins. Like, I’m here, and they’re cheering me on, and I belong here, and these people are my family and I love them now. NOW, THAT SAID: initiations are not a good practice generally, because they are generally done en masse and there is a lot of potential for peer pressure and institutionalized abuse. I view my college’s initiation traditions differently now than I do when I was eighteen. That said, my college had also at least put some infrastructure in place as far as consent and contracts, to keep things from going wrong. You could opt out of any task at any time. Still—it’s not a perfect system, and Hillerska is far from perfect, so. You know. Personal memories I have complex feelings about.

Back to Hillerska… August seems to be someone who responds to extreme sensations, so I think he probably was someone who would have felt that intense endorphin rush from his initiation. (We frequently see him chasing other highs in the show, too.) And he would have gone through this at a time when he’d just lost his father and was Achilles-level angry at his mother, when he desperately wanted to feel like he was part of something and belonged somewhere. He probably came out of the ordeal worshipping Erik and ready to die for him, and I imagine Erik responded to that loyalty in kind. I expect that they grew close, but it was also definitely a relationship where Erik called the shorts and August followed his lead. This is, in part, why I struggle to buy into fanfics where August betrays or harms Erik, and why I can’t really sign onto the idea that August would have released a video of Erik. Or at least—he wouldn’t get there without multiple steps leading up to it, and multiple perceived trusts being broken, the way things were with Wilhelm. One of the steps, too, in August betraying Wilhelm, is Erik’s death putting August into a state of volatile grief. So there’s that. Like I cannot stress enough how much I don’t think he’d randomly turn on Erik like a mustache-twirling villain.

One more innocuous headcanon: Erik taught August how to dress, because August showed up to school with no damn idea, his first year. To be fair, so few sixteen-year-old boys know how to dress themselves, even when they can afford nice wardrobes. Some of August’s clothes are his father’s old clothes. I mean, definitely the outfit he went shooting in feels like something that could have belonged to his dad.

One less innocuous headcanon: August kept some pretty serious secrets for Erik. I still kind of think this is true in canon and that we could get a big secret revealed in season 3.

That’s all for now! I hope you enjoyed reading if you got this far. I don’t expect too much engagement but I am making an effort to be more real and honest about my YR enthusiasms in these posts.

[thatfandomhoe73]

Reasons I want to live for when I’m feeling suicidal (other than ‘my family and friends would be sad’) in no particular order

1. Gender Euphoria

2. The pan flag looks fucking dope

3. Clouds

4. This alpaca

and this llama

5. When you’re making supper and you make the toast after everything else so you get to enjoy the warm buttery goodness while you sit down before it gets cold

6. Cuddling and every other type of tactile affection

7. Chocolate

8. Think of all the great fanfiction I’ll miss because I’m dead

9. Mustard

10. I still haven’t read that exhaustive list of books I want to read

11. Musicals (and all of the ones I still haven’t watched)

12. Fluffy stuffed animals and fluffy clothes

13. When my body is actually cold enough for me to get to wear a sweater!

14. I’ve never had a significant other to cuddle and love on and validate and vice versa

15. Neopronouns are so??? Fucking cool

16. This painted box of letters my friends gave me when I switched schools

17. I never remember to wear earrings

18. Feeling cute in a cute outfit

19. This Ravenclaw scarf I never wear

20. I want to grow my hair out

21. This huge oversized hoodie that my dad let me have (and I just got two oversized sweatshirts that used to be my grandpa’s!!)

22. When you wake up really early and it’s not a school day and you go outside and sit there while it’s really nice and cool (I need to do that more often!)

23. Ribbons

24. I still can’t knit!!!

25. When you listen to yourself sing and you actually sound good

26. The first time I went to a parade where I live now I saw this really sparkly Christmas ornament that they were playing with on the float and I loved it so much and I was like ‘I wish I had that’ and then the girls playing with it threw it to me and now it hangs from my ceiling

27. I now know how I identify, BUT I haven’t gone to a pride parade and celebrated it yet!

28. My cousin

29. Isabella’s lullaby puts me to sleep so easily somehow and it’s a very nice feeling

30. I want to see my little brother grow up and help him not be shitty

31. That feeling when you actually clean your room and it looks like you have your life under control

32. I haven’t seen my friends in forever

33. Showers

34. Imagine the embarrassment if mom and dad went through my phone after I die?? No thank you

35. Eating ice

36. Ice cream (how did I not come up with that one earlier??)

37. Genderfluid people are so awesome? I don’t even know how to describe it. Just like the fact that they exist makes me want to be happy with life

38. PEOPLE. ARE. SO. GORGEOUS. and somehow trans and enby and genderfluid people are gorgeous-er?? Like something about how they express themselves however the hell they want is just 👌 mmmmmmm

39. Googly eyes

40. I want to get fluent in sign language

41. The colour yellow

42. My friends are so fucking awesome (42 ‘cause it’s the answer to life the universe and everything ayyyy)

43. This specific outfit that I wore today?

44. Silk gloves

45. My history teacher (he moved and I switched schools)

46. Learning history

47. Libraries

48. That old book smell

49. That new book smell

50. Pasta

51. The words “I love you,” particularly when people say them to you/say them back

52. Cats

53. Smoothies and milkshakes!!!!

54. Romantic friendship ❤️

55. Marching band is way more fun than I expected it to be and I enjoy it more than I did concert band!

[purplesurveys]

1185

survey by xflirtykaosx

Alphabetti Spaghetti (3/3)

Please believe. - P

How many pages did the last book you read have? I don’t even remember the last time I opened it; but if I have to guess, it’s probably anywhere between 600–800 pages.

What do you like on your pancakes? Soaked in butter, with peanut butter and maple syrup on the side. My dad will also sometimes mix bacon into the batter, and it always turns out delicious.

Do you like small parties or large parties more? I love going to any kind of party, but I like large ones just a little bit more just because it’s easier to blend in and go unnoticed for the most part. I usually feel pressured at smaller parties.

What was the last exam you passed in? I have no idea. Maybe a history exam? I remember taking a Rizal exam right before the pandemic started and I never got the results for that since classes were canceled shortly after. I’ll never know if I actually passed that test haha.

Do you think paw prints are cute? Yesssssss.

How much would you pay a neighbour to do your lawn? We have someone in the village who does that, and my mom usually gives him a tip of I would guess around ₱100.

Ordinary pens, scented pens, gel pens or felt tip pens? Ordinary. The other ones write horribly.

Are you a people person? I’ve grown to be one over the years. I do like my alone time, but I have the most fun with a person or two or ten around me.

Do you put pepper on your scrambled eggs? No. I never use pepper myself, actually.

Who, except yourself, has the nicest pet? Angela’s, at least one of her dogs are. Hailey is super nice and she doesn’t really care what you do with her hahahaha.

What's your favourite piece of clothing? Right now, probably my IVP sneakers since they’re my newest purchase. Other than that, my mom jeans are always super reliable.

What place have you gone to that you never would again? Police stations that I had to visit to cover stories for my journalism classes. Maybe it’s other people’s passion – and I thought it was mine at one point, too – but once I found myself in places like that I slowly realized that I didn’t have the fire for journalism I once thought I had.

What do others seem to have plenty of and you have little or none? Nice photos of themselves. I’m very camera shy.

Is pink a nice colour, an okay colour or icky? I personally love pink, so.

Give me a description of a great film plotline? ...I don’t feel like it :(( I also haven’t watched/rewatched any films in a while, so my memory is a bit rusty.

What do you have in your pockets? Nothing I’m wearing right now has pockets.

Do you listen to podcasts? Not really. I’m part of the minority that finds podcasts a little boring.

Have you ever played Poker? I’d guess I’ve tried playing it one or two times, but I’ve never understood the rules and I probably just did some random moves when I did try it.

Do you have a pond in your garden? No.

How about a swimming pool? We don’t.

Do you like Poptarts? I loooooove Pop Tarts and I wish we had more flavors here :( and that they weren’t so expensive.

Do you write notes on post-it notes? Sometimes; but lately I’ve mostly just been making to-do lists on my laptop. Writing takes too much time considering how hectic my job is.

Quiet darling, shh. - Q

Do you ever use the word quaint? Very rarely. I never really get into situations where that word would be most fitting to use.

Do you know what quantum physics is? I know of the term from watching The Big Bang Theory, but I don’t know what it refers to.

Are you a quiet or loud person? Depends on the people I’m with, my general mood, and my level of comfort.

Do you usually ask a lot of questions? I never do. I feel like that’s a weakness of mine, too. My mind never wanders too far, and I’m only able to recognize good questions when someone else raises them.

What's your favourite quote from a film? “Rome. By all means, Rome.”

Favourite quote from a song? “Now I’m told this is life, and pain is just a simple compromise so we can get what we want out of it.”

Are you quick witted? In what aspect? Not always; but yeah, I guess it comes out sometimes. I’m pretty good at witty or funny comebacks, especially with people I’m comfortable with.

Do you find the word queer offensive? Er, no?

Roses are Red and Romance is dead. - R

Do you listen to the radio often? I used to, since I once drove to school everyday and I liked having the radio on - especially in the morning, since there was a morning program I was hooked to. But now that I’m at home 24/7, I don’t really tune in anymore; I don’t even have the slightest clue what songs are trending rn.

Do you prefer rain or snow? We only get rain, so.

Have you ever ran into someone and injured you or them due to it? Fortunately no, for both circumstances.

Do you listen to rap music? K-Pop groups always have their own rap sub-unit, so yeah I’ve definitely been more exposed to rap these days.

Do you find pet rats gross or nice? Why? I guess it’s cute when they’re pets, since I’m sure they’re harmless. Not so much when they’re big black filthy rats that are house pests and probably carrying a lot of diseases.

Have you ever been to a rave? No. I’d love to experience it once.

Are you somewhat of a rebel? Nah.

How about reckless? Now this hits the spot more, especially when it comes to money lol

Do you prefer red, black or purple dresses? Black, then red, then purple. I don’t wear a lot of the latter to begin with.

Do you know how to reload a gun? I don’t; I’ve never even held a real gun before.

Do you remember your first best friends Mum's name? I don’t think I ever met her mom. Our friendship was super short-lived and didn’t go beyond preschool.

Do you have a good or a bad reputation? Idk, you’d have to ask other people for this I think.

What song do you request most often on the radio? I’ve never requested a song to radio stations.

Do you prefer rice or tofu? I need rice for literally every meal, otherwise it won’t feel filling. I like tofu too, but I only have it occasionally when it comes with some dishes.

Have you ever held a rifle? Nope.

Do you know a Robert? What's he like? I have an uncle-in-law named Robert. He’s very nice, and super intelligent; he’s from New Zealand but currently lives with my aunt and their family in Vietnam. Since he’s from a different country, he has lots of fun stories and different perspectives to share at family reunions, which makes me always want to sit at whichever table he’s at so that I can be part of interesting conversations.

Do you like rollercoasters? No.

Been to Rome, Italy? Nope.

Are Roses your favourite flower? They’re one of them.

So sweetheart, lets fan. - S

Do you feel safe in your neighbourhood? Yeah, I mean that’s kind of the whole point in living in a gated village. I’d be pretty alarmed if I ever hear of a crime happening here.

Whose the Patron Saint of your Country? St. Lorenzo Ruiz. I actually didn’t know that for a fact, so thanks for the Google search and impromptu lesson!

Do you put salt on your fries? Yessssssss, I need my fries to be very salty. Unless it was already seasoned with something else, I’d find it boring if it wasn’t salty enough.

Do you think we are all born the same? In some ways, yes; in some ways, no. I know everyone is born as humans worthy of love and respect, but when it comes to factors like privilege then that’s when circumstances start to get all different.

When did you stop believing in Santa? I never bought it. I used to always get frustrated that I was never allowed to meet Santa (none of my relatives ever played as him), and that he apparently just likes to leave gifts at midnight. Not seeing a Santa made me doubt and eventually I just kinda stopped buying it by the time I was like 5.

Do you think the name Sarah is pretty? Erm, it’s fine but I find it a little common.

Is Saturday your favourite day of the week? Fridays are, but Saturdays are a very close second.

Have you ever watched Saved By The Bell? Opinions? Nope.

What about the Saw films? Opinion? I haven’t, but I know they’re my eldest cousin’s favorite so it must be a good series.

Are you easily scared? In certain ways. I hate jumpscares for one, and I easily get offended by them.

What's your secondary language, if any? English.

Name all the things you can see from where you're sitting? The entirety of my bedroom.

What's the last sentence you spoke out loud? “JAY KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY”

Have you changed your default settings on your computer? Some of them just to change some aspects of the appearance, but I didn’t do a complete overhaul.

What year did you turn seven in? 2005.

How important is sex in a relationship how important is sex from 1-10? For me, probably like a 3 or 4.

What is your favourite shade of blue? Sky or royal.

Shade of Purple? BTS purple, I guess? Hahaha.

Favourite shape? I don’t have one.

Do you know a girl called Sharon? Nope.

How about Shari? Nope.

Do you shave your arms, legs, pubic hair and/or somewhere else? I shave, but not all of these areas.

When was the last time you were sick? May 2020 was the last time I felt like death.

What's the worst side effects you've had due to a medication? I’ve never gone through side effects from a medication.

What does your signature look like? A very lazy scribble of the first and last letters of my whole name.

Do you like silk? What do you own that is silk? It’s okay, but I never actively search for it. I have one set of silk pajamas but that’s it.

Do you sip or drink hot drinks fast? As much as possible I don’t like getting in contact with hot beverages. I wait for them to cool down considerably before I take my first sip.

How about with alcohol? Sure, I like to take them fast so that I don’t feel the nasty burn on my tongue.

Do you have sisters? How many, what ages and what're they called? Nina is turning 21 this year.

Is your grandmother older than sixty five? Both of them are, yeah.

Do you slam doors often? Nope.

Have you ever slapped someone in the face? For what reason? Yes. Because he had slapped me first. I was in so much shock that my first and only instinct was to hit back.

Do you snack a lot or just eat big meals? I like letting myself go hungry then reward myself with a very generous serving to eat in one go.

Do you smile more often, or frown? Smile.

Are you wearing socks? No, I haven’t worn any in a while.

Do you say sorry too often? Yes.

What's a sound that always soothes you? This. I always play it before turning in, or when I need to calm down.

Do you carry a lot of spare change? How much is on you now? Not so much anymore, since I’ve been increasingly going cashless.

Do you own a swimsuit of the Speedo brand? I don’t think so.

Do you like sunflowers? They have a personal meaning to me, so yes. It’s not my ultra favorite, though.

[twoidiotwriters1]

Young Blood V -(PB/WITS Crossover)

A/N: Last part! We had so much fun writing this, we might come back to this baby in the future :) -Val & Danny

Words: 2,700

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Summer 1996

“So, Hermione,” Sirius handed her a drink, he was grinning widely. “Tell us all about Percy back at school, is he a good boyfriend?”

“Dad,” Percy started, Hermione chuckled.

“He’s really nice, yes. My parents want to ask all of you to my Dad’s birthday in two weeks, they’re looking forward to meeting you.”

“Oh, wanting to meet the boyfriend’s parents already?” Persephone raised a brow. “We have to be on our best behaviour Sirius, they’re paying half of the things for their wedding!”

“Mum!” Percy frowned, trying to stand up to leave the room. “Let’s go, Hermione, it’s getting late…”

“Thought Matthew was going to take you to the movies?” Sirius raised a brow.

“I rather walk than stay here and be humiliated in front of my girlfriend,” The young wizard replied. “Honestly, you guys don’t act like this with Lyra, this is ridiculous…”

“Lyra’s an angel,” Sirius said with an accusing finger. “She’s never done anything wrong in her life and she’ll stay single until she’s forty.”

“The fact that she’s never been in detention doesn’t mean she’s an angel,” Percy scoffed. “And I saw her flirting with a sixth-year Slytherin the last term.”

“She what?” Sirius straightened in his place.

The doorbell rang and Percy was quick to stand up and answer it, Harry walked in looking rather anxious.

“Your parents are here?”

“Yeah?” The boy raised a brow. “Why?”

“Good,” He whispered. “I’m pretty sure Mel’s dad has been planning a way to murder me tonight and make it look like it was an accident.”

Perseus laughed.

“What?”

“Shh!” He looked over his shoulder. “He’s coming!”

Matthew’s imposing figure stepped into the entrance, Mel walked in after him. She was tinier than her father, but her scowl was enough to make people fear her.

“Lovely night, isn’t it?” Matthew asked out loud.

“Wonderful,” Mel replied sarcastically. “If only my dad stopped acting like a baby.”

“Watch your words, girl,” The man warned her.

Matthew Dumbledore’s daughters were usually calm, sweet daddy’s girls. However, whenever they had a disagreement people could just feel the power emanating from them. Now that Mel was older, it was really obvious that she had inherited her father’s character.

“Ruddy,” Sirius’ eyes were darting nervously between the two. “It is a lovely night, so let’s try to keep a nice attitude, shall we? It’s a group date! Love is in the air!”

“And it stinks of hormones,” Matthew replied angrily.

“Oh god,” Mel rolled her eyes, she turned to look at Hermione. “Hi, are you having a good summer?”

“Er… yeah,” Hermione stared at Mel’s dad nervously, he was usually the most charming man. “Yeah… and you?”

“It’s been good,” Mel walked up to Harry and he flinched, eyes immediately fixing on Matthew’s. “This is ridiculous!” Mel turned to Persephone. “Could you please talk to my dad? Harry’s been nothing but a gentleman in and out of school and it’s time he gets over his overprotective nonsense.”

“Alright, enough of this, Ruddy,” Persephone crossed her arms and looked at him sternly. “You know Harry since he was a baby! His parents are your friends! It’s family already, c’mon…”

“I’m sorry, but I find it a bit hard to believe that in a matter of months this boy dropped all the mischief and bad behaviour,” Matthew frowned. “The Potters are professional charmers, they would know how to trick a crowd.”

“Hark who’s talking!” Persephone exclaimed in disbelief. “You spent a whole year flirting with the whole school just to get Emily’s attention!” She turned to the children. “Which didn’t work, by the way.”

“My dad did what?”

Matthew’s eyes widened, he blushed a deep shade of red.

“That’s… that’s different, I was a kid.”

“I was a kid too!” Harry argued, finally finding enough courage after Persephone’s scolding. “I won’t use it as an excuse, I’m aware of how bad I was…” He looked down. “I just… I spent my whole childhood wanting to be like you and my dad… I saw an opportunity and took it.”

“That’s true,” Percy decided to back up his best friend. “He’s always admired you, Uncle Ruddy.”

“Admired?” Matthew grimaced. “Why?”

“You guys are legends,” Harry said. “And Mel is the coolest girl I’ve met. I promise I’m not dating her just to fool around… I’m…” Harry looked over at Percy and his mocking grin, Harry groaned internally, he swallowed his pride and fixed his eyes on the tall man in front of him. “I’m in love with your daughter.”

Mel beamed at his speech, she looked back at her father with her bright, sweet eyes and for the first time in the whole summer, Matthew felt ashamed of his attitude towards the boy.

“Fine,” He sighed. “You’re a good boy, Harry.”

“He’s amazing,” Mel responded, hugging Harry by the waist and looking up at him adoringly.

Matthew groaned, Sirius patted his shoulder and muttered something that sounded like ‘you’ve lost her, mate.’

“Hey, guys?” Remus suddenly appeared at the doorstep. “Hurry up, the movie starts in twenty minutes.”

“Moony,” Sirius frowned. “Thought Matthew was the only one chaperoning the kids?”

“He’s not here to babysit us,” Percy smirked. “Mel invited Tonks and uncle Moony suddenly had time to join us.”

“Really?” Sirius raised a brow, he walked slowly towards Remus, eyeing him up. “How come?”

“Ever since Mum brought her to talk about her work as Auror,” Percy explained. “He’s been awful social.”

“Uncle Moony has a crush,” Mel grinned.

“I don’t!” Remus tried to look offended. “I — I just want to spend time with my favourite nieces and nephews!”

“Huh,” Harry raised a brow. “Is that why you offered to take Tonks home separately?”

“You’re trying to woo my cousin, Moony?” Sirius stood in front of him.

“Oh, I saw the way they greeted each other this afternoon,” Matthew raised his eyebrows. “Pretty sure he’s wooed her for at least a month now…”

“Ruddy!” Persephone swatted his arm. “Don’t be vulgar!”

“And he still has the nerve to complain about Harry,” Mel teased, Harry now had his arm firmly wrapped around her shoulders.

“Seriously, it’s getting late,” Remus insisted, completely ignoring their comments. “And we don’t get to use magic at muggle theatres, so you don’t want to get caught in the middle of a long line…”

“I insist, we don’t need babysitters for our dates, we’re sixteen!” Percy whined as he walked out of the house followed by the rest.

“Tell that to Prongs’ car,” Matt snorted. “It’s lucky we have magic, otherwise you would’ve spent half of your parent’s money paying for a new one.”

June 1998

They had decided to make the party at Lupin’s place because it had a beautiful, wide garden. Usually, they would wait until July, but this was a special occasion.

Harry, Mel and Percy had finished their last year at Hogwarts.

The place was full of familiar faces, friends from school as well as their families, even some of their favourite teachers were there, even Snape, who was (unfortunately, in James opinion) part of the family since he was Joshua’s godfather.

James and Sirius had been snickering close to the man’s table, laughing at how absurd Snape was looking surrounded by colourful balloons and confetti.

“We can’t deny he’s been quite a decent godfather to Joshua,” James sighed. “Although Joshua has never been a problem, bless him, he’s all Lily. Snape’s lucky he got the quiet one, I can’t even imagine what he’d do if he’d gotten Cassia or Ivy.”

“Drop dead, probably,” Sirius smirked.

“I can hear you,” Snape turned around on his chair, looking at the men with a quirked eyebrow. “Loud and clear.”

James choked on his drink and quickly replied with an apology, Sirius couldn’t stop the silly grin on his face from widening.

“You’re worse than your children,” Snape sneered, standing up and moving away to get a drink.

“Yeah we’re happy to see you too, Snivellus,” Sirius snorted.

“Leo Regulus Black!” Persephone’s voice came from the kitchen.

“Sounds like my wife needs me,” Sirius excused himself.

Back in the house fourteen-year-old Leo is looking at his mother with an innocent expression that it’s not working at all.

“What’s the matter, love?” Sirius enters.

“McGonagall told me just now that she never got a reply for her last letter,” Persephone said heatedly. “She says our dearest son set fire to the Hufflepuff Keeper! And he’s got this ongoing prank war with Cassia and Ivy, did you know they somehow managed to turn Filch’s cat bright green?”

“To be fair, that one was meant for Dennis Creevey,” Leo said. “I can’t stand that git—”

“You’re grounded,” Persephone crossed her arms. “For the whole month. I don’t know how you did it but I know you intercepted McGonagall’s letter and you’re in big, big trouble.”

“C’mon Mum, don’t be such a bore…”

“Leo Regulus —!”

“Yeah?” Regulus Black walked into the kitchen, holding a piece of cake.

“Not you!” Persephone replied moodily.

“She’s talking to the other Reg, mate,” Sirius said, patting his brother’s shoulder as he walked past. “Glad to see you could make it! How’s life? How’s work?”

“I’m not telling you what my job is, Sirius,” He replied with a knowing smirk.

“Oh, c’mon!” Sirius whined.

“— and if I hear you tried to steal another toilet from the school’s bathrooms I’ll write a letter so they ban you from the Quidditch team!”

Leo gasped, his mother walked out of the room fuming and Sirius looked down at his son trying not to look too proud.

“Bad luck, boy,” Sirius sighed. “At least the twins think twice before messing with the school staff.”

“It was their idea,” Leo sulked. “I wanted to turn Filch’s office pink.”

Sirius snorted, he shook his head and ushered his son out of the house.

“That went well,” Sirius sighed, looking over at the garden.

Outside there were two large tables so all the kids could sit in the same spot. Harry, Mel and Percy were all together as usual, although now Harry had his arm around Mel and Percy was holding Hermione’s hand on the table. Next to them were Ron and Ariana, who was laughing so hard she was almost crying.

Matthew had suffered the last two years, Ron was Harry’s best friend right after Perseus, meaning he’d been part of their mischief, but Emily hadn’t let him scare Ron and he’d been dating little Ari for a year and a half now, she looked happier than ever.

Next to the big group of lovebirds were the Potter twins: Cassia and Ivy. The redheads where talking animatedly with Lyra and Leo. Further down were the Weasleys, Erick Flint and his cousin Jo, Neville Longbottom, Josephine and Luna Lovegood. Persephone’s nephews and nieces were also there, although they were seated at a different table.

Sirius had never been fond of huge parties when he was younger, but this one was completely different to the one he remembered from his childhood.

“Needed a break from the noise?” Remus spoke behind him. “Me too, but I think I should get used to it.”

Sirius turned around and smiled, his friend was standing there, holding his newborn and glowing with happiness.

“Little Teddy has entered the party!” Sirius rushed over to carry his nephew. “Look at him! Nice hair, buddy.”

Remus laughed, standing beside him.

“Tonks has been trying to make him change it to pink, but so far Teddy’s favourite’s are blue and green, she’s not happy about it.”

“Well I think he looks good,” Sirius made a funny face to make the baby laugh. “Isn’t that right, little Ted?”

“Don’t let him fall asleep,” Tonks said, looking slightly anxious. “We’re trying to keep him awake so he’ll sleep the whole night.”

“It’s fun, isn’t it?” Sirius teased. “Real fun to have a baby...”

Remus shook his head, chuckling lowly. “Well you tell me, you had four.”

Little Teddy started to squirm in his arms and Sirius quickly returned him to his father, Remus was happy to take him back. The couple walked out of the house with Sirius behind them.

“Elena’s first year was uneventful, I heard,” Remus grinned.

“Yeah, she’s a nice girl like Lyra,” He smiled. “Leo says she doesn’t hang out with him and Joshua a lot, but they look after her anyway.”

“They’ll come back, you know?” Remus pointed to Percy with his head. “He’ll be around for a while before he moves out.”

“Yeah, a year or two,” Sirius smiled at his son proudly. “He wants to earn his own money, and he’ll need a while for that, then he’ll get his own place and leave us… Blimey, he’s a man now, I didn’t have enough time to enjoy him, you know?”

“It’s not like he’s leaving for good,” Remus calmed him.

“No, but it’s not the same, is it?”

“What are you guys whispering about?” Persephone got closer and kissed her husband’s cheek.

“We’re running out of kids,” Sirius nudged her side. “How about we have another one?”

“Absolutely not!” Persephone raised a brow. “Easy for you to say it, you don’t have to carry them around for nine months!”

“You know I’d do it!”

“My answer is no and that’s final, Sirius.”

“Oh well, I had to try,” He pouted.

“Is that Teds?” James called across the garden. “Bring him over, Moony!”

“My favourite thing about parties is that everyone always holds the baby for me,” Tonks winked, walking away from the couple with her husband following her.

“Is only a matter of time before Percy marries Hermione,” Sirius shook his head. “At least Lyra still hasn’t shown any interest in boys...”

“Yeah, she hasn’t,” Persephone snorted. “Because she’s dating Ginny Weasley.”

“She what?” Sirius’ head snapped to the side quickly, he spotted Lyra in no time.

Ginny was shamelessly flirting with his daughter, something Lyra seemed to be enjoying a lot.

“Ah, I know that smile,” Sirius frowned. “Well, okay… at least she knows how to use it.”

Persephone laughed at his reaction, kissing his cheek again.

“So what now?” Ari asked them with a bright smile. “What’s your plan? You guys will all live together for the rest of your lives?”

Percy made a face, Harry and Mel chortled.

“Nah,” Harry and Mel shared a look. “We’ve talked about it, actually…”

“I’ll work with mum,” Mel said excitedly. “I’ll learn all I can from her, she’ll teach me everything… then we’ll travel around the world looking for magical creatures for research and stuff...”

“You’re going with them?” Ron asked Percy.

The boy shook his head.

“I’ll make enough money to get my own place and then…” His gaze lingered on Hermione. He smiled. “Then I’ll do whatever she wants.”

Hermione rolled her eyes.

“Don’t be silly, you’ll know what to do by then, you won’t need to ask me.”

“Maybe,” He leaned and kissed her. “Doesn’t mean I won’t ask for your opinion, though.”

“You can join us if you want, Ron?” Harry offered. “I know you told your brothers you’ll help them with the shop they opened in Hogsmeade, but…”

Ron thought about it, Ariana was quick to intervene.

“Oh! Can’t you wait for me?” She said, her clear blue eyes staring at them imploringly. “I’ll graduate next year! If you wait we can all go together!”

“Didn’t you say you wanted to become a teacher?” Mel asked in amusement.

“Uncle Lupin said he’ll wait until Elena graduates to resign, and that’s six years away,” She shrugged. “Said he wanted to be around before his son was old enough to go to school — So travelling with you just like my uncle did might help me!”

“Sounds right,” Harry shrugged. “We’re not leaving until Mel decides it’s time, and that may take a while.”

“Well then, I could start working at the joke shop so I can have some money for the trip,” Ron smiled. “How long are we going to wait?”

“A year, maybe two,” Mel squirmed in her place with a huge smile. “It’s exciting, isn’t it? I can’t wait!”

Harry looked at her with adoration.

“Don’t worry, Mellow, we have time…”

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[thebestestboyo]

Because I am stressed and my friend requested a prompt, we're gonna do one

Prompt #3: Drunk/Sloppy Kisses

Why Not?

Tw: Alcohol/Swearing/Mention of puking

Originally, Janus didn't mean to end up drunk at some stupid house party. At first, he was hoping on having a quiet Saturday night in for once. Get Chinese food from that nice restaurant down the street, watch documentaries about the social plannies of the world, and curl up with his snake Diana. He was not planning to end up shitfaced on the couch while chaos reigned around him, and he felt as if he was going to puke if he got up to leave.

But unfortunately for him, his stupid cousin Remy decided that he needed to get out more, and dragged him along to this stupid party so that he'd be able to 'socialize for once.'

Please, Janus socialized plenty! He had friends! Two close ones, to be precise. Virgil Timore and Logan Crofter, who he had known for several years and talked to daily. Hell, Wednesday he and Virgil bingewatched conspiracy theories together and got lunch afterwards. Janus was perfectly fine with his two friends thank you very much.

He had showed up to this party, which he was told would be small, and was disappointed, but not surprised to find that it was practically filled to the brim with drunk college kids. He couldn't go two steps without running into someone, let alone get to anywhere quieter in the house without someone probably trying to frisk him.

So he had to settle for the couch. For now. He was at least somewhat away from the action, well, as much as someone could be in this frat house crammed with people. Nursing a ginger ale he found in a cooler (unopened, he didn't trust any of the punch on the table. Was punch supposed to be green?), Janus was ready to stick it out sober. He didn't know any of these people, so why should he trust his drunk self with them?

...which is what he thought, until he saw him.

The absolute gremlin of the fucking year, Remus Whitby.

This little prick not only was in half his classes, but also managed to have a seat near him in every single one. He was absolutely infuriating, and if Janus didn't think better, he could have sworn that guy chose to sit next to him just so he'd have someone to piss off.

And to top it off, he wasn't even half bad looking! True he dressed like a walking fashion disaster, but it was at least a hot sort of fashion disaster. Somehow his smug little self managed to make floral and bright yellow work, while still wearing the most outlandish pair of cowboy boots to class, as if a dad and a gay cowboy had designed his outfit.

Not to mention he was always trying to get Janus to talk with him! All he had to do, was scoot his chair close to him in the lecture hall, spout some new bullshit of the day, and wait. Their most recent debate was about the reasoning why you shouldn't try to befriend wild possums with preprocessed cheese.

He was crude, he was a terrible dresser, he was smart but in a way that infuriated you, he ate weird concoctions in class that probably weren't compatible flavor palates, and Janus was utterly in love with him.

Now this was something Janus would normally take to his grave and never speak of to anyone, but he was bored, fed up, and altogether too headstrong to care right now.

So making what would probably be a bad decision for his future self, he grabbed a nearby bottle of whiskey, chugged half of it, and strode over to Remus in what he hoped looked confident, but more likely looked as if he was drowning in the crowd due to his shorter stature.

Remus perked up immediately at Jan's arrival, a smirk spreading across his face.

"Why hello, if it isn't the non-believer of making friends with garbage critters! And what might the distinguished Janus Milton be doing here?" His front tooth was slightly crooked, Janus noticed. It was cute, in a dork sort of way.

"I could ask you the same thing. Don't you have seagulls to train or something?"

"Usually I would, but unfortunately most seagulls aren't around during the day. I was trying to teach some of the frogs by the swamp to sing Never Gonna Give You Up though!"

"Of course you would." Was it just the overwhelming amount of people milling around them, or did Remus get a little closer to him?

"They all have names! My brother wanted to help but he was going to name them something too cute."

"Let me guess. Horror authors?"

"Close! Serial killers! I got Jack the Ribber, Dalmer..."

"Wait hold up. Jack the Ribber?" Okay he had to admit, it was a good name.

"Of course! It seemed to fit him. But that doesn't answer my earlier question cornsnake. What are you doing here? Doesn't seem like your thing."

"Normally it wouldn't be. But my cousin decided it would be good for me to get out." He didn't add the part about Remy thinking he was a shut in, that wasn't important. "But I'm not a cornsnake. Why would you even think I was a snake?"

"You do lie a lot, my slippery serpent."

"I most certainly do not."

"Ah, but you do! You even do that thing with your s's and c's when you are."

"I have no idea what you mean." Janus took that moment to take another swig of his whiskey, throat burning with the taste.

"Whatever you say Janny! You wanna go in the pool in the backyard? Beats being crushed by everyone here."

"Is there people skinny-dipping?"

"Not yet! Wanna be the first?" Was Remus...wiggling his eyebrows at him? No, it was probably the alcohol. He wasn't exactly known for having a high tolerance for it.

"I'm only going down to my pants."

"Aw you're no fun!"

_________________________________________

Since Janus hadn't fully undressed, Remus only went down to his boxers. By that time, Janus probably wouldn't have even noticed nor cared anyways, because he was already more than a little tipsy.

He was straight up (or gay up) drunk.

The two had already climbed out of the pool and stumbled to the front yard of the house (probably the least crowded place), Janus leaning into Remus for most of his balance.

"You certainly don't hold your liquor well do you cornsnake?"

"Shut, shut up Remus. I hold everything. Bags. Phones. Car keys. Six inch subs."

"Uh huh sure. Do you still have your phone?"

"Most certainly!"

Laughing, Remus held up what looked like...Janus's phone! How'd he get that?

"Hey! Give it back!" He attempted to reach for it, but due to his lack of dexterity while hammered, only managed to throw himself into Remus's lap. It was even more annoying that when he grumbed his discontent, Remus just laughed harder.

"I took the liberty of holding it for you. You left it in the backyard and I don't exactly know if anyone else is sober enough to keep track of both of you."

Before he could do more than open his mouth, Remus's hand began to card through his hair, smoothing out the still damp strands. While normally, the only people he'd ever let touch his hair was his friends, it felt utterly sublime, so he was in no mood to stop it.

"Hey Re? Heh, re."

Remus jolted a little at the sound of his voice, but answered anyways. "Yeah cornsnake?"

"Come ere' I need to tell you a secret."

"What? Why would you-"

"Shshshshshsh no! I need to tell you the secret!"

"Well okay?"

It took quite a bit of effort, but through Janus grabbing at Re's arms for leverage, he managed to sit upright in Remus's lap, leaned into his chest. "You can't tell anyone okay?"

"You needed to sit in my lap for this secret?" His voice sounded like he was teasing, but for some reason his face was just getting redder. Maybe it was Jan's imagination?

"Yes! It's important."

Waiting for dramatic effect (even drunk he was still a drama queen), Janus tilted his head up and kissed him, smiling afterwards. "I love you!"

Was his face always that red? Janus didn't know, but he really wanted to kiss him again. Maybe not at the moment though, right now his stomach was feeling a little sick-

Thankfully for Remus's clothes (and Janus's dignity, whatever was left of it) once Remus saw that look on Jan's face, he wrapped his arms around his middle and turned him to face the other way.

"...I think we ought to get you out of here cornsnake."

Wait was he disappointed? Did he not like Janus back? What was that tone in his voice?

He didn't know, so his drunk self elected to cry. Great.

"Nononononono it's okay! It's alright, fuck, I never expected you to be a sad drunk, it's okay." The arms around Janus's middle moved to cradle him, as Remus lifted him up and away from where they were sitting.

"I just-" He couldn't get through a sentence without hiccuping through the tears. "-You sound- so dissapointed."

"Janus I'm not dissapointed! I'm just, god am I...worried?"

"Re reeeeeee."

"Sorry, just thinking out loud. Look, I don't know where your dorm room is, so I'll take you back to mine okay? I'm not disappointed, you're all good, let's get some water in you and get you to bed."

_________________________________________

It was most certainly against road laws to have someone sitting on your lap as you drove, so Remus had to transfer a teary-eyed Janus to the passenger seat. For some reason, the only thing calming him down was if Remus would hold his hand (which, he did, that was nice).

It was strange, Remus driving while Janus sat in the passenger seat, playing with the fingers of Re's hand, but it was oddly nice. Beats having him stay at the party where he'd probably hurt himself.

Or tell more of his secrets. Like how he got that scar over his face. He seemed to hold that one pretty close to his chest, so it was unfair to learn it through his drunkenness.

He was actively ignoring the secret he was told, about how Janus loved him. If he thought about it right now, he'd probably end up crashing out of excitement of the fact that he himself had been pinning after him for a solid half of the school year to find that his feelings were reciprocated.

Maybe being drunkenly confessed to wasn't the best way to find out, but hey! He'd prefer it to the sappy romance novel way that his brother was always droning on about.

Once they pulled up to the dorms, Remus went around to Janus's side (not trusting that he'd be able to walk by himself) and lifting him up again, much to the delight of Janny.

"Look I'm your princess!"

"Mmhm, right now this princess has to drink some water, and maybe take a nap."

"Heh Sleeping Beauty took a nap for a long time."

"You wouldn't be sleeping beauty I think, you'd be little red riding hood. Because I'm the wolf, and I've stolen you off!" Tickling at his sides a bit, he pushed open his door as his face was already starting to tinge red. He never expected Janus to be a giggly drunk, then again, he never expected Janus to let himself get drunk. Musta been a tough party experience.

His roommate, Patton, was already asleep, so he didn't have to worry about him asking questions, at least till morning. A quick water break, and a successful attempt at getting Jan's shoes off later, Remus had tucked him up into his bed, planning on sleeping on the chair nearby in case he woke up.

"Re re waiiiiit!"

"Hm?"

"Can I have a goodnight kiss?"

He hoped that Janus wouldn't remember this in the morning, he had already shown so much of his softer side, that if he did, his reputation would be ruined. Part of him hoped he did remember anyways, as he lightly kissed Jan's forehead, going off to sleep.

_________________________________________

When Janus woke up, it was certainly jarring to be in a completely different bed than his own. In a different room, with a splitting headache. And...Remus was sleeping on a chair?

Wait....

Was this Remus's room???

Oh lord. He must have blacked out. It was stupid to drink that much, he always knew he was a lightweight, he probably made a fool of himself in front of Remus.

"You ok cornsnake?"

OH GOD HE WAS AWAKE.

"Considering my head feels as if someone is knocking a wrecking ball through it, I'm as good as I can be at the moment. What am I-"

"I uh, didn't think you'd be okay if you stayed at that place while you were drunk. You got pretty emotional."

Oh no.

"So I decided that, since your phone was locked and you had the dexterity of a clownfish stuck in a riptide, I'd let you chill here...?"

"Please tell me I didn't say anything that embarrassing."

Remus was making that face. He knew that face, that face was the same look a dog made when it had been caught digging in the trash.

"What was it."

"It was really, well, uh-"

"Remus please I'm hungover and tired."

"Yousortaconfessedyoulovedme."

"..."

...

Fuck.

"I mean! It was probably a fluke right? Drunk people always go confessing their love for random people, I know I have!" Remus looked...nervous? The world was too painful to look at for the moment to tell. But he was throwing him a line, so that they'd be able to forget it happened.

Well you know what? Janus was tired in two ways. Tired because he ran around a bunch last night and got drunk, and tired of pretending. So why not come out and say it.

"Actually, it wasn't a fluke."

"I- what."

This certainly wasn't the way he intended to go about this confession if it ever happened, but it would have to do.

"Due to your insistence on talking with me during classes, I've grown...fond of you. One might even say I love you."

Before Remus could get anything else out, Jan continued, knowing he was prolonging his inevitable rejection, but powering through anyways.

"And I while I doubt you hold these same feelings, I'd just like to clarify that I was not lying when I confessed to you drunk. So if you wish, we can both go about our seperate-"

"You dumbass! How can you be so smart and yet so dumb?? I've been in love with you ever since you talked to me about crabs!"

"Wait that's oddly specific-"

"It's true! And I'm gonna prove it."

Taking Jan's head in his hands, Remus looked for a nod of confirmation, before kissing him deeply before pulling away to breathe.

"So how bout it cornsnake?"

Hands looped around Remus, he only had one answer.

"Why not?"

[sakuwriteshere]

The Apple Pie in My Life - Final Chapter: The last paradox

Summary: What happened between two best friends when someone messes with their lives? Can the past changes the future or can the future changes the past?

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Female!Reader, OC Abbigail, OC James, OC Alex, OC Jessica (mentioned)

Words count: 2510 words

Warnings: Some angst, some fluff, a big headache because too much information.

A/N: So this is the last chapter! It’s finally here. I had so much fun writing this, especially the twins and I’m sad to let them go. I don’t want this series to be over yet, so I thought about a few time stamps to keep the fun going. What do you think? If you’re interested, send me an ask ^^

A huge thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Everything you’ve done, between commenting, reblogging, the likes, everything really motivated me! So thank you, for real.

As per usual, this is unbetated and I’m sorry for any grammar mistakes or error spelling. Comments are loved!

Final Chapter : The last paradox

The calm didn’t last for very long, Abbigail was still crying heartbreakingly when a strong wind blew on everyone's faces as a blinding light appeared not far from you. As a reflex, your hold straightened around Abby’s trembling body while Sam and Dean stood protectively in front of you, despite the tiredness, they were ready to fight the new threat that was coming for all of you. 

A giant hole formed inside the blinding light and you didn’t have to wait very long before a silhouette came out of it. The Winchesters' tall forms prevent you from seeing who or what it was, but whatever it was, you knew it wasn’t something good. You recognized perfectly well the sound of a gun being cocked and it wasn’t coming from the boys. Instinctively your arms wrapped tighter around Abbigail. You’ve lost a son already, you weren’t going to lose your daughter as well.

“Jesus woman! When I say ‘on three’, it means you go after three!” A deep voice said as another form came through the weird hole.

“What the…” Dean breathed, his body going rigid.

“Where’s my daughter?” The voice, strangely familiar, asked.

You blinked several times and once you’ve checked on Abby, you stood up and pushed her behind you, using your body as a shield to protect her. You gently pushed the boys on the side, giving you room to stand between them. You were totally speechless to say the least. The newcomers who stood in front of you were the perfect replicas of you and Dean, only older.

“I was expecting a lot of things, but not this.” Older Dean mumbled, his own gun pointed at you.

The older version of you didn’t move or replied back, her stare still fixed on the three of you.

“Dean…” Sam started to speak but Abbigail’s voice cut him short.

The girl walked by your side, finally coming into view.

“Mom? Dad?” She called as she took a step towards them. The faces of your older versions relaxed for a second as they realized she was still alive. However Dean wrapped his hand around her wrist, preventing her to walk further, an unpleasant gesture for your replicas.

“Let her go!” The older you warned, her index finger brushing the trigger.

“I look like a Mama Bear.” You whispered to Dean, still stunned by what you were seeing.

Dean nodded, agreeing with you as he stared at his own doppelganger. ”Does it make me a Papa Beard?” he asked and you finally took a good look at the older version of Dean, noticing for the first time the beard he referred to. You had to admit that he looked good, giving you pleasant vibes.

Abbigail’s hand covered Dean’s one on her wrist, a reassuring smile on her face, telling him that it was safe. Reluctantly Dean let her go and she ran towards them, the older Dean not wasting a second to wrap her in a bear hug.

“We thought we’d lost you.” He sighed, relieved once he had his daughter back into his arms and not caring about you anymore. He didn’t need to, he had the older version of you to cover his back. Keeping Abbigail at arms’ length, he looked at her from head to toe, a fond smile curling his lips. “It’s so good to see you, Sunshine.”

“Mom, relax. They’re you. There’s nothing to be scared of.” Abbigail told her mother, still tucked in Dean’s embrace. After a few long seconds and a confirming nod from you, your older version finally relaxed and put the safety of her gun back.

The way she had switched personalities so fast was really disturbing. She went from scary threatening mom to worried mom in a blink and pulled Abbigail from his father’s embrace, hugging her strongly.

“My baby! I was so scared! What were you thinking, disappearing like this?” The caring mood then turned into a scolding one as she broke the embrace, her hand still wrapped around Abby’s shoulders, looking at her from head to toe.

“You’re so going to be grounded. Until you’re thirty at least.” She threatened and the way she said it meant she wasn’t even joking.

“Mom!” Abbigail whimpered.

“I’m not complaining.” The older Dean said as he tucked his gun behind him seeing there was no threat. The idea of having his little girl protected and away from any guys for a long, long time, a pleasant thought to his daddy's heart.

“Dad!” 

Sam, Dean and you were speechless in front of such a strange scene. It was a thing to see your older versions but it was another thing to see them acting like real parents. The little fact that they were completely ignoring you was offending, but you knew that for parents, nothing mattered most than keeping your child safe. Taking a glance towards Sam, you saw the amused smile stretching his lips but when you glanced at Dean, he looked as overwhelmed as you felt.

Unfortunately, the happy bubble had to burst at some point, Abbigail needing to tell her parents the heartbreaking news.

“Mom, Dad...James-he…” Abbigail choked on her words, having a hard time voicing the terrible news.

“Oh I knew it!” Your older version snapped, shaking her head in a disapproving manner. “He told us he didn’t know anything but I knew he was lying. You two are always covering each other back.”

She then turned towards the older Dean, giving him a knowing look. “‘Having twins will be fun’ you said! Ha!”

The older Dean held up his hands, refusing to be the only one at fault. “Hey, the twin’s genes come from your side, not mine. It takes two to make twins.”

“Wait a minute.” You said, your heart missing a beat when you heard them talking about James.

“James is- Is he alright?” You asked, fearing the worst. Absentmindedly, you grabbed Dean’s hand.

Your older version nodded, a soft smile on her lips. She didn’t know what happened here, but it wasn’t difficult to see that you were worried about James. “He is for now but he won’t be once we get back and I give him an earful about it!”

Abbigail turned around, looking at you and Dean, relief written all over her face as you and Dean finally let go of the breath you were holding. 

“Sorry to break this little bubble, but what’s going on here?” The older Dean finally asked.

“Purson.” Dean replied back, as if the name was enough of an explanation. However, the confused face they gave you told you they didn’t know what you were talking about.

“Who?”

Sam took on himself to explain everything from the start. Throughout the story, it appeared that the paradox Sam mentioned was more complicated than what he initially thought. According to your older versions, James was still at home, safe and sound and it looked like he had never left his timeline. The old you never heard of Purson and so never had been attacked by the demon and Sam and Dean never went after him.

“Maybe once James, er, disappeared here, the paradoxe brought him back, safe and sound. He wasn’t born yet so technically he couldn’t die in our timeline and since we’ve killed both Purson and his future vessel, nothing will happen in the future? If there’s no Purson now, there won’t be one in the future.” Sam tried to explain as best as he could, but it was kind of complicated, even for him.

“But why are we having this conversation then? If everything was back to normal, we wouldn’t be here, right?” You asked, this situation was very confusing.

“That’s because Abbigail’s still here. James and her used Purson’s portal and ended here. With Purson dead and James back in his timeline, Abbygail is the last piece creating the paradox. I think once she will be back in her timeline everything will fall back into place.” Sam replied.

“Does that mean that everything we’ve been through will never happen?” Dean asked, not liking the idea of forgetting about the twins.

“The fact that I don’t remember this encounter must be our biggest clue.” His older version replied back. The little group fell silent after that, pondering over all of this and what it meant.

“Well, I think it’s time for us to go back.” Dean, the older one, clapped into his hands. “Jessica is worried to death about you, kiddo.” 

“Jessica?” Sam couldn’t help himself and perked at the mentioned name. Abbigail gave him a soft smile. “My cousin.”

Sam’s mouth hung open while Dean nudged him, happy to know that his brother will have kids as well in the future.

Abbigail and her parents walked towards the portal, hands in hands and stopped in front of it. Before they stepped into it, Abby turned around and ran towards you and Dean, throwing herself into your arms for one last hug.

“Thank you. For everything.” She said, fighting back the tears.

“We should be the ones thanking you, Abby.” You whispered against her temple, hugging her strongly. She broke the embrace and hugged Dean.

“Don’t forget your eighth anniversary, she’ll put you through hell for it.” Abbigail warned Dean with a playful smile, knowing perfectly that Dean will never remember it.

“Thanks for the tip. See you soon, kiddo.” Dean thanked her, his hand still holding her, he had a hard time to let her go.

She grinned at him as they parted. “See you in two years.”

Abbigail joined her parents in front of the portal, they gave you one last look before Abby and her mom stepped into it, Dean letting them go first. You waved at them, a strange feeling sinking down your stomach. The older version waved back before disappearing into the light as well.

***

You knew it was a bad idea but did they listen to you? Of course not! Dean had to be bitchy and Sam wasn’t helping, the boys repeating non-stop how tired they were and decided they deserved some sleep. So here you were, in the middle of nowhere, sleeping in the Impala. Sam took the front seat, while you and Dean slept in the back. As you felt Dean moving under you, you blinked your eyes open, the sudden pain in your lower back waking you up. You groaned and Dean did the same before kissing the top of your head then pushed you slightly on the side.

“Hey! How did you sleep?” Sam, who was brushing his teeth in front of the car, asked his brother, a knowing smile on his face.

“What do you think?” Dean grunted as he climbed out from the car. The brothers bickered about having breakfast until Sam mentioned a forgotten sandwich in the back of the car. You brushed Dean’s wandering hand away and sat up in the car, rubbing your tired eyes with your thumb and index finger.

“Dean!” You yelled as he threw the old, disgusting sandwich in your lap. “Sometimes I’m wondering why I love him.” You murmured to yourself.

“That’s because you have good taste.” Dean answered you as he searched inside the gloves compartment for the ringing phone. You rolled your eyes, amused when he hit his head against the roof of the car as he stood up. Strangely, the image of Dean wearing a beard came into your mind. You didn’t know where this weird idea came from, but you kept in mind to talk about it later. A beard would look good on him.

“Well, sorry to break this to you, pal, but John died more than two years ago.” Dean said to whoever was on the phone.

You glanced at Sam sadly, still feeling bad about John’s death. You knew you’ve done everything to help Sam and Dean to find him but it didn’t make you feel better about it. An uneasy feeling fell down your stomach when you noticed how silent Dean became. You stepped out from the car and wrapped an arm around his waist as you waited for him to tell you what was going on. Whatever the news was, it wasn’t good, you’ve seen this kind of face on Dean too many times over the years to recognize it. Within a few minutes, the three of you were driving towards Windom, Minnesota, for another strange hunt.

***

1997

He shouldn’t feel so stressed. It was just a stupid party, Dean didn’t even cared about it, he just did it for you because he didn’t like seeing you so sad. As your best friend it was his duty to bring back a smile on your face, so he didn’t really think about it when he promised you to go with you at that stupid Prom night. Keep it cool Dean, it’s just a regular party between two best friends, nothing more. That was what he kept telling to himself since the day before. He didn’t tell you he was coming earlier, wanting to surprise you, and what a surprise it was! The big smile on your face will always be imprinted into his brain. He knew this night was important for you but never would he have thought it was that important. He just had to make it the best night of your life. No big deal.

Then, he felt his knees buckle under his weight when you opened the door of your motel room. The red dress suited you so perfectly, Dean had never seen such a beautiful dress, the sequin beads reflecting the light over your head, giving him some rom-com vibes. And that damn smile again, it was making him weak for sure.

“Shall we go?” He bowed slightly, making you laugh and you nodded, resting your hand in his awaiting one.

Despite the warnings he gave you during the drive, Dean gave in in the end and danced with you the whole night, the music soft as the two of you swayed slowly. Whatever happened to the ‘Sweetheart, I don’t dance.’ you didn’t care, you were living the best night of your life. All of this thanks to your best friend: Dean Winchester.

At some point, Dean lost his smile, a disturbing feeling in the pit of his stomach as he realized how his hands were sweating or his heartbeat fastening. The sensation was unfamiliar with him and he hated it one hundred percent. His throat felt dry suddenly, his breathing short as his heart beat hard and fast against his ribcage.

“Thank you Dean.” You murmured, lips brushing against his ear as your chin rested over his shoulder, you closed your eyes, enjoying the moment at its fullest.

Dean gulped and with those simple few words he calmed down. The sickness feeling turned into a tingling sensation and finally, Dean understood. He still didn’t like it because he knew he was seriously screwed.

That night, Dean Winchester realized that he was in love with his best friend. Just like it was supposed to be.

FIN

TAPiML tags:  @fandomoverdose666 , @eternaleviee , @slytherinrising , @vicmc624 , @music-is-all-i-need ,

Pour Toujours tags:  @drakelover78​​​, @akshi8278​

[lifeofclonewars]

Plo Noon, Compet, Sinkspur, Dooffe, and Spewst

Part 2 to Wolffe Koon and the Missing Aliit Members (Sequel to Zoolffe, Stinker, Zoost, Gonet, and Glo Koon. I recommend you read that first). Part 6 of Pun Wars (I’d appreciate if you read those first, but not required for understanding).

As always, AO3 link is below if you prefer that.

Summary:

*hacker voice* I’m In Petition to get GPS trackers for Wolffe for his aliit

Jurassic Park I second

Keeling Over Same

Thorn In Your Side Definitely Sorry Boost and Sinker

T-Mobile No, I totally get it

Werewolf? There Wolffe! I hate you all

--

In which Plo gets lo-- er, sidetracked-- around noon, Comet attempts to adopt a penguin, Sinker spurs on the group chat, Wolffe makes a doof of himself, and Boost continues to spew facts.

----

Chat: Fett Dynasty

Jurassic Park

Wait, seriously?

Wow, that was less time than I thought

Werewolf? There Wolffe!

Yeah, same

But we’re 100% sticking together this time

T-Mobile

Yeah, cause some of us can’t watch a 10 y/o properly

Werewolf? There Wolffe!

Boost

T-Mobile

Yeah?

Werewolf? There Wolffe!

Shut it

Think Outside The Fox

Lol

----

Two weeks after the Zoo Incident, the Koons were headed out in public again. Destination: the aquarium. Buir insisted they’d be able to handle it, as long as they didn’t split into groups this time. Boost agreed readily, excited to put his new zoology book facts to the test. Comet was most enthusiastic about seeing more penguins. Sinker and Wolffe? Well, they were looking for a chance to prove their trustworthiness when watching Comet again. Even if they weren’t splitting up. 

Wolffe had a feeling his brothers’ increasingly chaotic shenanigans from staying at home is what pushed his dad into planning this trip. 

(Probably somewhere between Sinker and Boost screaming while threatening to re-dye each other’s hair and Comet sneak-attacking Sinker and causing them to almost stumble into Mom’s favorite vase. Or maybe between Comet trying to get Warthog and Meerkat to let him set Vandor on their backs and Boost reciting his zoology book up the staircase to bug Wolffe. Actually, likely after ba’vodu Alph’s kids visited one day and created more chaos in two hours than the four of them had managed to make in a week.)

The aquarium was across the city from the zoo. While it was smaller in perimeter, it had multiple floors, something the zoo was unable to do. Three levels in all, plus a sort-of-a-stadium where they held demonstrative shows, and seemingly more crowded than the zoo.

Given the space differences, the number of people was likely the same. But due to the closer quarters, staying together and not splitting up— intentionally or not— would present itself as a challenge. 

The entrance had been filled with people packed like sardines. Somehow, the Koons had made it through without incident and then were off to the nearest bit of wall to plan. Immediately, Sinker slumped against it. Boost had been the one to grab a map this time; he took his time making a show out of unfurling the paper. 

“This place looks sofishticated,” buir stated. More puns, because what is a Koon family trip without them, apparently. Not that he was wrong; the place was an odd cross between neoclassical and modern architecture. Like someone mashed Ancient Greece and the city’s downtown into one building and somehow pulled it off.

“Why yes, yes it does,” Boost responded with a dramatic flair. He scanned the map, then folded it up, tucking it under his arm. “We’re going to the sharks first because I said so.”

Buir leveled him with a look but when his other three sons shrugged their shoulders, off they went. 

The sharks weren’t in the immediate vicinity. Instead, it was across the building and on the second level. A quick trip through the nearest staircase and a walk across, and they were there. A plastic reef greeted them as they walked into the exhibit. 

Once inside, glasses lined both lines, holding a rainbow of fish, flora, and other marine creatures. Sharks swam about, minding their own business and going about whatever giant fish did on a daily basis. Some of the tanks only held certain species of sharks, while others (the larger ones) held a wide array. 

Informative signs stood wedged in corners and in front of the glass. Comet spent his time pointing out things mentioned on signs in real life. Sinker simply observed, and Boost began to talk their ears off once more. The zoology book he had gotten at the zoo had just added fuel to the fire.

Chat: Fett Dynasty

Banana Sink

Boost stop talking and let me enjoy the killer fish in peace challenge

Hunter-Gatherer

...what

Thorn In Your Side

You good there, Sinker?

Werewolf? There Wolffe!

We’re by the sharks. Boost is flaunting his zoology brain again

Green Man

I approve

Banana Sink

You don’t get a say in this, Mr. Biologist

We’ve been at the aquarium all of 10 minutes and he hasn’t shut up once

Sixes

r.i.p. your ears

Have fun

Banana Sink

Gree please adopt him, kidnap him, something!

It’ll do both of us a favor

Old Man Dad Bly

Gree, vod, Do Not

Green Man

Sorry, ori’vod, that sounds like a good plan…

Lakes

Have fun, Gree

I’ll be ready if you just so happen to need bailing out

Regardless of what was happening between the cousins, Boost ignored the notifications and continued to talk more. Honestly, not that that was a surprise. He probably couldn’t even feel the phone buzzing over how fast his vocal cords were working. 

As they moved towards the exit, buir turned, stated, “Stay jaw-some,” and continued on. Sinker shared an exasperated look with Wolffe before following after him. Comet raised an eyebrow, grabbed his eldest brother’s hand, and dragged him along. 

They exited and Boost once again took charge, leading them to the nearest exhibit. This time: whales. 

“Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?” buir questioned as they entered and turned towards the first set of whales. Behind the glass was a trio of dwarf sperm whales— the smallest whale species, according to both the plaque and Boost’s running commentary.

“Is anyone going to keep a running number this time?” Wolffe suggested.

“I do every day,” Sinker admitted, “but not because I want to. It’s like a permanent fixture in my head to try to keep me sane as I listen to them.” At that, Comet snickered into his free hand. “He’s only at three but that’s bound to rocket sooner rather than later.”

“Tell me when he hits ten,” Comet said. Sinker rolled his eyes and nodded. They were all vulnerable to Comet’s requests and they knew it. Try as they might, it was hard to say no to him. Stupid baby brother effect.

The aquarium didn’t have as many kinds of whales as they did sharks. Besides the dwarf sperm whales, they had belugas, orcas, and a few others Wolffe didn’t bother reading the plaques of. At one of the tanks, one of the employees was feeding the whales. 

Buir’s face lit up in sudden comprehension. He listened to Boost chatter on, and, after a pause where Boost caught his breath after an exclamation, opened his mouth. “You’re krilling me right now! That’s super cool!”

Sinker looked dead inside. 

“Hey, cheer up, Sink,” Comet chirped at him. “Sometimes life can be over-whale-ming. It’s okay.”

“Not you, too,” he mumbled, dropping his head into his hands. Comet just laughed and skipped over to buir.

As Comet began to recount what just happened, Boost turned to the other two. “Did I just hear Comet make his own whale pun?” The look on Sinker’s face said enough. Boost laughed. “I’m so proud of him. You’ll be fine, Sink. Everything whale be okay. Whether that’s once we leave the exhibit or the aquarium is up to debate, though.”

“You stink.”

“No worse than you.”

They continued through the end of the exhibit with more bickering and teasing. The exit opened up into a hallway filled with people. Seeing the crowd, they stayed by the doorway but not blocking it. Buir turned toward his silver-haired son. “Is there anywhere you’d like to see? I fear we’ve been leaving you out of these decisions.”

He shrugged. “I’m fine with it. But seeing sea otters again would be cool.” 

Consulting the map told them the sea otters were on a different floor. Once again, they wormed their way through the crowds, hands and arms grasped, until they came across a staircase and made their way to the third floor. 

Unsurprisingly, the third floor had as many people as the other two floors did. One crammed walk and they made it to their destination. These exhibits were different from the ones they had seen so far. The sharks’ had been tanks filled almost completely to the ceiling. The whales’ had the same height of tanks but had been half-filled, leaving room for air and whatever tricks the smaller ones felt like attempting.

Instead, there was a shallower pool and many rocks for the sea otters to climb around on. All things considered, it didn’t look too different than the one they had seen at the zoo. And just like at the zoo, Comet began to wave. 

A small otter wandered their way closer to the glass. It waved and Comet’s face split into a grin. How the Force was he this lucky with animals? He must radiate some pure, shiny, approachable vibes to them because this was uncanny. 

“Aww,” buir said, watching the little bugger and his new friend wave at each other. “How otterly adorable.”

Whether he was calling Comet or the otter cute didn’t matter: either way, Sinker groaned. 

“Oh, no!” Boost exclaimed. “Not an otter pun!” His raised voice and exaggerated gestures as he said it led Sinker to reaching over and punching him.

“Stop making fun of me.”

The maroon-haired teen’s face scrunched up. “I didn’t say anything related to you.”

“It was implied.”

“Would you rather I start listing facts about otters?” He raised an eyebrow at his younger brother.

“I’m good.”

“So I thought.”

Wolffe rolled his eyes as the duo turned back to the otters. Comet had made his way to the plaque and was scanning it for names. Continuing with his tradition of trying to find individual ones and waving to each, he exuded elation. His joy appeared to be rubbing off as other groups, both passing and watching the otters themselves, smiled at his antics and even beginning waving themselves. 

Once done, he climbed on top of the plaque.

“Comet—” buir started but didn’t get far.

“I’m fine!” The ten-year-old flung himself off of his perch and onto Wolffe’s back. He slammed into him, immediately wrapping himself around his older brother’s torso and beaming.

“A bit of warning would’ve been nice,” Wolffe grumbled as he readjusted his vod’ika. He should’ve seen this coming, especially given how many times he’d carried around the stinker at the zoo. And his non-diminishing penchant for monkeying around. 

Snickers came from behind them. Sinker and Boost, for sure. Probably some bystanders, as well. He turned just in time for Sinker to yank his phone down. The odds of a picture landing itself in the cousin chat and everyone teasing him grew higher with the grin spreading across the brat’s face. 

His phone buzzed once in his pocket, then a fast-paced fourteen following it. Yep. 

The look he threw his brother must’ve instilled some sense of fear in him. The thirteen-year-old gulped, then turned to their dad. “Let’s go somewhere else.”

“Dolphins!” Comet blurted out from behind Wolffe.

Boost nodded. “Yeah, let’s see the dolphins.”

And off they went once more.

Banana Sink

Attached: piggyback-time.jpeg

Think Outside The Fox

Aww

Having a smiling kid on his back cancels out the scowl

Jurassic Park

Wow

It really does

Lakes

Petition to pay Comet to live on Wolffe’s back to cancel it out forever

Zzzzzz

Seconded

Green Man

I would pay to see that

Lakes

Smh Gree can you read I said that

Green Man

...

T-Mobile

I can pay him candy to stay until lunch

Lakes

Beautiful, ty

*hacker voice* I’m In

You’re a miracle worker, Boost

T-Mobile

Why thank you

It’s a talent of mine

Werewolf? There Wolffe!

@T-Mobile friendly reminder I’m missing an eye, not an ear

And I have never heard you whisper once in my life

Including 2 minutes ago

Neigh

That was so passive-aggressive I love it

Thorn In Your Side

😂 aliit, I love you guys so much

Think Outside The Fox

We know, Thorn

You remind us every 10 minutes

Lakes

So did it not work?

Werewolf? There Wolffe?

You’re really asking?

Getting to the dolphins was a quick trip on the level they were on. With no workers throwing out puns, buir, once again, took the responsibility upon himself. As they watched the mammals flip and goof off, he told them to his sons.  “That was flipping fantastic” and “They have a legasea” came first. 

When Sinker, predictably, groaned, he turned. “My son, I must have you know, all of my puns are on porpoise.” 

Sinker groaned louder. “I know, buir. I know.”

While watching the flips and tricks, buir’s attention was drawn toward a flyer posted by the glass. It announced the daily presentation times, where the dolphins, seals, orcas, and other animals put on a show. Looking at the times on the paper and the one on his watch, he called his sons over. 

“If we eat now and quickly, we will have ten minutes to make it to the stadium for the next show.”

With nods of agreement in response, the Koons set off for the restaurants. Seating outside of the food court-esque area allowed guests both buying and bringing their meals to stop and enjoy their time. Tables and booths packed with people spanned the area. After a few minutes of careful checking, Boost pointed out an empty booth for them to settle into.

Like at the zoo, the Koons brought their lunches. Sandwiches, cheese sticks, fruit snacks, and whatever else Comet and Sinker had snuck into the bags. The fruit snacks — dinosaur and shark themed —  felt fitting for the occasion. 

Sinker and Boost fell into their normal routine of bickering as they ate. Comet made comments at such precise moments there was no way he wasn’t trying to instigate a fight. The little stinker was too impish for his own good at times.

In fact, the bickering lasted so long and escalated so far that they missed the show. Bickering had overtaken eating, lunch extended, and suddenly buir noticed it was ten minutes past the show’s start time.

Comet pouted at the news; the two teens glared daggers at each other. If looks could kill, they’d both be dead.

With a sigh, Wolffe asked when the next show started. Buir thanked his eldest for reminding the group of the other opportunities and proceeded to look it up. In two hours, the search told them. With that, everyone finished eating, conversation now switching to more facts from Boost.

They packed up the remnants of their food and headed back inside the rest of the aquarium. People continued to mill about, many also coming off a lunch break. Their group gravitated towards a — somehow — empty bench and set the bag down. Comet plopped himself on the seat between the bag and the end. Sinker sat on the other side of the bag. 

“I’m going to the bathroom. Anyone else need to?” buir asked. Shaking heads answered him. “Alright. Stay here, I’ll be back soon.”

“Yes, buir,” Wolffe responded for his brothers. The rascals already zoned out and started doing their own thing. Their father set off in the direction of the bathrooms and Wolffe turned his attention to his vode.

Comet examined the map, though he appeared to be looking at the times of the demonstrations more than the building. Boost made himself comfortable on the far end of the bench, phone in hand. Sinker had his own phone out and — yep, there was a buzz. Sighing, Wolffe settled himself between Sinker and Boost and pulled out his own.

Jurassic Park

Fives, stop trying to convince people your full name is Fivestones

Sixes

Never!

Neigh

Did I read that right?

Jurassic Park

And stop trying to convince people Echo’s name is Echocardiography

ECHO Echo echo

It’s their fault for falling for it

Lakes

I’m sorry WHAT

Sixes

You see, when you have cousins named Pontius and Fox and literally all the names of the Koons and Unique and so on, it’s not that difficult to trick them

ECHO Echo echo

It really isn’t

Lakes

Wow, thanks for that

T-Mobile

I like my name a lot, thank you very much

Banana Sink

That’s not fair. I think subclan 2 has the weirdest names of all of us, not my subclan

Think Outside The Fox

I didn’t ask to be named this

Lakes

Mood

*hacker voice* I’m In

Yeah, but neither of you have changed it despite being legally able to

Green Man

CODY

*hacker voice* I’m In

What kind of name is Gree anyway

Green Man

DUDE 

The texting continued, as it was bound to in the Fett clan. Wolffe frowned when he glanced at the time. It had been about fifteen minutes since buir had left. If there was a line, that’d be about right. Not too odd, but if it got any longer… eh, they’ll cross that bridge if they get to it. He shot off a quick text to buir, asking to text him when he was on his way back.

“Comet, stop poking Sinker.”

Said little brother stuck his tongue out but stopped. He moved on to poking and picking at the bench instead. 

Thorn In Your Side

… aNyWay

I have news!

Think Outside The Fox

Is it really news if we all can guess what it is

Thorn In Your Side

Shevi

I have the privilege of announcing that the Annual Fett Family Gathering is happening in exactly a month and 3 days from today!

Think Outside The Fox

Why couldn’t you just put the date like a normal person

Thorn In Your Side

Because I knew it would bug you

Werewolf? There Wolffe!

I gotta say, that’s reasonable

Thorn In Your Side

Ty Wolffe

At least someone’s on my side here

Think Outside The Fox

I despise you all

Green Man

Aww we love you too Fox

Think Outside The Fox

Why do I even try anymore

Thorn In Your Side

So, yeah, further info to come

Keeling Over

Let’s avoid another Mud Incident this year, thanks

Hunter-Gatherer

I second that

Orange Gal

Lol of course you two do

But I agree

Zzzzzz

I still have pics if anyone wants them 

Neigh

So evil, Zari, so evil

Zzzzzz

They include you, ori’vod 😁

Neigh

I Resent this

It had been over half an hour now. While the chat was always a source of amusement, it didn’t stop the concern seeping into Wolffe’s mind. Sure, the aquarium was busy, but not that busy. Thirty minutes was pushing it for a single bathroom; this place had multiple. He hadn’t gotten a text back yet, either.

“Hey,” he said, grabbing attention away from phones. “It’s been half an hour since buir left. Something’s up, don’t you think?”

Boost frowned. “That is an abnormally long amount of time.”

“Should we try calling him?” Sinker suggested.

“That’s a bit awkward to answer in the bathroom.” Boost crossed his arms as he made his point.

“Yeah, but he could always decline it and text us a response instead,” Sinker argued. 

They did that, to no avail. No response, calling or texting. This was not a good sign.

The boys stood up, corralled themselves together, Boost putting on the backpack, and headed over to the bathroom to see what was up. Hopefully, nothing bad happened. 

When they got there, there were a couple of people at the sinks, but that was it. No sign of their dad anywhere. There wasn’t a sign of an accident or kidnapping or anything, either. 

“What,” Sinker stated.

“I have no clue,” Boost responded. They turned toward Wolffe.

He shrugged his shoulders. “I have as much of a clue as you do.” They stood in silence for a moment, Comet glancing between the other three, waiting for a reaction. “Let’s check the other bathrooms. Maybe he went to a different one?”

Buir didn’t show up at any of the bathrooms on the level. Again, there were no signs of struggle or of anything bad that could’ve occurred. They agreed it wasn’t likely he’d gone to another level. As they went back to the bench they had occupied earlier, the irony of the situation fell on Wolffe. They had stayed as a group specifically so they didn’t lose Comet and in the process ended up losing their dad. Shi kaysh jate‘kara.

“We lost buir,” he said simply. Comet frowned; Sinker looked like he was holding in a laugh. 

“That we did,” Boost agreed. “Have fun trying to get your way out of this one.”

Wolffe rolled his eyes and turned to the silver-haired teen. “Any ideas, provided you’re going to keep your promise?”

Sinker’s eyes widened. “I was hoping you forgot about that,” he mumbled like it hadn’t been only two weeks. He cleared his throat and said, louder, “Uh, how about the front desk?”

“They’ll have the announcement system to call him over,” Boost pointed out.

“Great. Front desk it is.” He took a hold of Comet’s shoulder in one hand, Sinker’s shoulder in the other. Boost led the way through the exhibits and rooms until they reached the entrance. A Visitor’s Services desk stood behind the ticket desk and they made their way over.

After the person in front of them left, they stepped up. Comet directly in front of him, Boost to his left and Sinker to his right. “What can I do for you boys?” the elderly lady behind the desk asked.

“We got separated from our father,” Wolffe said. Saying it out loud to someone who wasn’t one of his brothers increased Wolffe’s awareness of everything going on around them. Great. He pushed the urge to shift his weight away. This was fine. They were doing the responsible thing, after all. 

The lady peered at them over the top of her glasses like she belonged in a movie with a judgemental librarian and not on an aquarium staff. She was definitely taking stock of how old he and his brothers were. “Is this a frequent occurrence?”

“No, this is the first time.”

“Well, as parents get older, things like this can occ—-”

“He’s not that old,” Wolffe cut her off.

“Yeah, he’s like, forty-something, right?” Boost piped up.

Wolffe turned to the teen and frowned. “You didn’t need to share that.” He got a shrug in response. His phone buzzed and he turned toward his other teenaged brother. “Give me your phone.”

Sinker narrowed his eyes at him. “Why should I?”

“No repeats of the zoo.” He held out his hand expectantly. Sinker rolled his eyes and handed it to him. He turned and did the same to Boost, just in case.

All the while, the lady watched them with a sharp eye. “Has your father had memory problems?” she said, bringing their attention back to why they were there. 

Wolffe scowled. “No, and I don’t see why that’s pertinent information. Can you help us locate our dad or not?” Comet leaned back a smidge and gave his chest a headbutt with the back of his head. Wolffe glanced down and Comet gave him a small smile. 

They stood in silence as they waited for a response. Again, it seemed like the lady was trying to nitpick details about them and what they meant by observing them. Finally, she pushed her glasses up her nose and sniffed once. “I can make an announcement and try to call him here.”

“That’s all we’re asking for.” 

After giving the necessary information, the Koon boys were shuffled to the side. They waited near the desk as the intercom stated Plo Koon to the Visitors' Services Desk. Your children are waiting for you. The lady continued to help other people. Everyone seemed to be getting the same supercilious treatment they had received. 

The minutes passed slowly until a frantic movement from by the entrance to the aquarium-proper caught Wolffe’s eye. It was buir, politely not-quite-rushing his way through the crowds to his sons. 

Comet looked at Wolffe, then in the direction his ori’vod was looking. He perked up, a grin stretching across his face. “Buir!”

“Comet! Wolffe, Sinker, Boost.” He came to a stop in front of them. 

“Where were you?!” Boost exclaimed. “We looked, but you weren’t in any of the bathrooms.”

Buir’s eyes widened in dawning realization. “I didn’t go to the bathroom,” he admitted. “I got sidetracked by the jellyfish. They are quite fascinating to watch.” 

The jellyfish? That was some detour. He must’ve seen the sign for them and forgot his original plan since they were smack dab in the middle of two of the bathrooms. Boost had almost gotten sidetracked when they were searching for buir, but Wolffe had kept him on track. Like father, like son, it seemed. Maybe if he had let Boost get sidetracked, they’d have found buir themselves.

“How about we all go to the bathroom this time, and then the jellyfish?”

“Yes, that sounds like a better plan,” buir agreed. Then, they were off, phones given back, and hoping nobody else got lost.

Banana Sink

We lost buir this time

Werewolf? There Wolffe!

This is exactly why I took your phone in the first place.

Think Outside The Fox

Fjadskldfsa

Guys, we found Wolffe’s talent

Losing his family members in public

Werewolf? There Wolffe!

Gee thanks

Lakes

Any details to share?

T-Mobile

He was going to go to the bathroom but got sidetracked by the jellyfish

Which,,, fair enough

Werewolf? There Wolffe!

So nowhere near my fault this time

Banana Sink

He had to explain to this scowly lady what happened

It was super funny

*hacker voice* I’m In

You actively tried to avoid it and it still happened

Werewolf? There Wolffe!

Again, not my fault

*hacker voice* I’m In

That has got to be the funniest thing I’ve heard all day 😂

Green Man

Wolffe,,, Wolffe, buddy

Werewolf? There Wolffe!

Don’t

Green Man

How?! 😂 

*hacker voice* I’m In

Petition to get GPS trackers for Wolffe for his aliit

Jurassic Park

I second

Keeling Over

Same

Thorn In Your Side

Definitely

Sorry Boost and Sinker

T-Mobile

No, I totally get it

Werewolf? There Wolffe!

I hate you all

----

The jellyfish were as enrapturing as buir claimed and Boost had anticipated. One more pun was given as everyone (even Sinker) stood preoccupied by them: this has been a jelly good day! There was something mystical about watching these creatures with no heart or brain swim around and just exist. Comet even made a reference to Finding Nemo when he saw some smaller ones. Sooner than they expected, buir’s alarm had gone off. Close to an hour had passed and none of them had noticed.

Finally, the family made their way, on time, to the show. They snagged seats approximately halfway up the stands. No splash-zone to worry about this time, either, the workers assured. The front walkways had to be accessible for wheelchairs and a surprise in the show. As a result, the stands themselves were closer and they ended up with about the same view as they had at the zoo.

Comet somehow got his hands on the flier buir had passed over on their way in. The flier about ‘adopting’ various animals at the aquarium. “Look at this!” he exclaimed, shoving the paper towards Wolffe. 

Adopt a penguin! Yep, that was why buir had avoided it earlier. And likely not quite what Comet thought it was.

Assured Wolffe got a good look, he pushed it towards buir, nearly bouncing in his seat. “Can we please adopt a penguin, buir?” he asked, pulling out the big guns. And by big guns, that meant his cutest puppy dog eyes. “Gedet’ye, buir.” And switching to Mando’a, so it seemed. 

Buir considered his options for a moment. “Do you have any money to help pay for it?” he asked gently.

Comet pouted. “Nayc.” He swiveled toward Wolffe. “Ori’vod, tion’nari gar gan—”

“No.”

The pout deepened. Buir reached out and patted his youngest’s back gently. “I’m sorry, ad’ika, but we don’t have the money for that. While it would be quite the experience to adopt one, we don’t have the money to have a dog, cat, and penguin.”

“Okay.” He crossed his arms, only to immediately uncross them and sit up straight as the show began. 

Dolphins, seals, and beluga whales performed various tricks while the trainers spouted facts and puns. Sea otters tottered around the ground level and interacted with willing audience members. With every pun, Sinker’s vexation increased and Comet’s and Boost’s elation skyrocketed. 

A loud gasp escaped Comet when they brought the rockhopper penguins out to waddle around. “Buir, buir, buir,” he chanted, shaking their father’s arm. “Can I take pictures of them on your phone?!” Chuckling, buir complied and the ten-year-old spent the rest of the penguins’ appearance captivated.

Once the show finished and provided plenty of entertainment, Comet proceeded to drag the family to the penguin exhibit. He couldn’t get enough of them. When they got there, buir leaned in close and said, “Why did the penguin hop across the street?”

“I dunno, why?”

“To get to the other rock!” 

Comet burst into giggles and proceeded to take over what had essentially become Boost’s job in overflowing with facts about penguins. Although he loved all penguins, it was clear rockhoppers were his favorites. His earlier disappointment over not being allowed to adopt one had dissipated. 

“Buuiiiiir,” Sinker whined with all the gracefulness of a disgruntled thirteen-year-old. “Stoooop, you’re being worse than the workers during the show.”

“Sorry, Sinker. I’ll try to play it more cool from here on out.”

The silver-haired teen slumped into his older brother, Wolffe’s chest muffling the groan he gave. “Why is this my life.”

Wolffe patted his back as he watched Comet have the time of his life. He was in his element here, surrounded by his favorite animal. It would be interesting to see how long this particular interest lasted. Wolffe could picture a future-Comet attempting to become a scientist just to go to Antarctica and see the penguins if it lasted long enough. 

Once Sinker picked himself back up, he made his way to Comet. “By the way,” he said, tapping the ad’ika on the shoulder, “the rockhopper pun was the tenth of buir’s. He’s at eleven now and overall we’re at thirteen.”

“Thirteen?” Boost perked up. “Give me a minute and I can make it fifteen.” 

Sinker rolled his eyes as Comet smiled. “I can help!” he offered. “I may have looked up penguin puns at home one day. I’ve just been letting buir tell them.”

“Go ahead.”

“Boost, waddle I ever do without you?”

“Let’s hope you never end up too icesolated to find out.”

Buir looked on the verge of tears of happiness; Sinker on the verge of tears of frustration; Wolffe rolled his eyes. “Alright, if that’s all, let’s go somewhere else.”

Comet protested and they stayed another ten minutes. Following that, they found themselves in the general area containing fish from all over the world. As the day dragged on, fewer people crowded the area, each having their fill of sea creatures and leaving. With that, buir allowed them to wander wherever they wanted, provided they stayed within the larger section. 

Once Sinker wandered off to find a bench in a different area, buir turned toward Boost. “Any fin is possible, just don’t trout yourself.” 

“There’s some-fin special about you. I’m glad you’re my dad.”

“Why thank you, Boost. If you think of a better fish pun, let minnow.”

“That’s a fintastic idea. Will do.”

Half-twirling around, the maroon-haired teen wandered off to examine more tanks. Comet quickly followed him and the two struck up a quiet conversation as they observed crabs and fish. Wolffe stood next to his dad, watching them for a while. Eventually, they split up to visit different exhibits, leaving their ori’vod and buir standing there. 

Inside the section of the exhibit they stood in, nobody else was in. When the family had entered, it had been as crowded as rooms were getting at this time of day. Now, all the other guests — like the three youngest Koons — had left for other ones. 

Side by side, they watched river fish swimming around. Bluegills and walleyes and trout and more. Without anyone else around, bubbling could be heard from the tanks. That, and the faint whir of the air conditioning. Minutes past and neither dared break the peace which had settled.

A fish started zig-zags when Wolffe cleared his throat. “I think Mom would’ve enjoyed today.”

Buir hummed, hands folded and resting on his torso. “She would have. Especially Comet’s newfound love for penguins and Boost’s for zoology. She was always so excited to watch you boys learning and growing.”

Wolffe remembered her enthusiasm when he and Fox figured out how to rush-attack Bly, Gree, Ponds, and Keeli without them suspecting and had dashed over to tell her and ba’vodu Courey when they were six at a family reunion. Their older cousins had been fourteen, twelve, ten, and eight respectively, and hadn’t even been close to seeing it coming. She had responded with so much joy and happiness to his excitement that six-year-old Wolffe couldn’t help but bask in the warmth of her smile and praise. 

There was also that time when he was nine, Boost was five, and Sinker was three, months before Comet was born. Sinker had been preoccupying Dad with something in the corner while Mom had, ever so patiently, helped Boost and Wolffe create customized magnets for NiNi’s birthday. She encouraged their ideas and helped with the difficult steps and shapes. Her hugs when they finished rivaled only those from NiNi. Full of love and warmth and care for her sons.

Most of his memories of her involved that warmth in some shape or another.

“Sinker would be surrounded by even more puns.”

Buir chuckled. “That he would. That he would.” 

Memories overtook the two as they remembered just over a decade ago. Silence stretched between them once more while they reflected.

That is, until Sinker came barrelling back into the room. “Did you know they have stingrays here?! Let’s go!” He grabbed their hands and attempted to drag them along while walking backwards. 

Right as he appeared to be getting the hang of it, Comet popped up behind him. “Sinker, watch—”

Wolffe lurched forward as Sinker and Comet hit the ground, but managed to stop from falling himself. Buir, having let go in time, watched on, concern and amusement mixing in his eyes. 

“Well.” Sinker stood up.

“Thanks for that,” the ten-year-old said, frowning. He pulled himself into a sitting position. 

“Sorry. Did you see they have stingrays here?”

“That’s why I came back here, actually.” 

They shared a look, then looked at buir. “We were headed that way, weren’t we?” he intoned.

Boost emerged from the doorway. “Did you see the stingrays?”

Sinker pushed him back through the door as Comet picked himself off the ground. “You’re the third person to say that. Let’s go.”

The other two cheered and raced after him. Wolffe shook his head at his brothers’ antics and followed after them, buir not far behind him.

----

Part of the aquarium experience allowed guests to touch the stingrays, provided they washed their hands properly beforehand. The Koons followed procedures and participated. Sinker loved it so much he doled out his only pun of the day: this is a stingray of sunshine today. Buir was so proud, he ended early to take pictures of Sinker and the stingrays. 

After that, they collectively decided they had seen enough of the aquarium and they were ready to head home. Buir announced that, like at the zoo, they would stop by the gift shop. This time was for small items only. If they did everything quickly, they’d be home in time for him to prepare dinner by the normal time. That got the brats moving quickly. 

Comet somehow found a tiny stuffed Cape penguin that he immediately claimed was Vandor’s best friend and named Atoa. Boost got a small jellyfish squish-thing that seemed like half-stress ball, half-figurine. Sinker found a stingray magnet, of all things, and got a shark one for Wolffe when he didn’t look for anything.

Outside the aquarium, buir stopped them on the steps to take a picture. 

“Great! We’ll print this one out, too, and then you can switch it out with the zoo one if you ever want!” Comet told Wolffe. Then he had used the stairs to climb on his shoulders once more and demanded to be carried to the car.

As they settled into the car and began the journey home, Wolffe pulled up the cousin chat and shared some of the news before either of the other teenagers did and completely exaggerated it. 

Werewolf? There Wolffe!

Did I mention Comet tried to adopt a penguin earlier?

Zzzzzz

Fdsjldk that’s so cute

Werewolf? There Wolffe?

Not when you’re the one he asks for money to pay for it

T-Mobile

It was cute

I was there, I saw it happen

Werewolf? There Wolffe?

Shush

T-Mobile

He even switched to only Mando’a

Idk why he thought that’d help him but it was cute

Old Man Dad Bly

Now that’s a Fett kid move, all right

Banana Sink

There was a total of 21 puns today

I almost died

ECHO Echo echo

If I didn’t know you, I’d be concerned those were 2 separate events

T-Mobile

Ignore Sinker

He said one of them, so he has no place to talk

Banana Sink

BOOST

T-Mobile

I am so glad you’re shotgun and I’m in the back

Thorn In Your Side

You guys heading back already?

Werewolf? There Wolffe?

Well, Boost managed to drag us around the whole place this fast, so yeah

T-Mobile

😁 I have no regrets

Banana Sink

YOU SHOULD

Green Man

Speaking of regrets

I regret to inform you that Bly is being a sap again

Old Man Dad Bly

You were the one who asked

Green Man

I have No Idea what you’re talking about

Old Man Dad Bly

Attached: screenshot0345.jpeg

Neigh

I know this wasn’t a surprise to me since Gree’s my ori’vod but are any of you surprised?

Hunter-Gatherer

No

Jurassic Park

Not really, no

T-Mobile

Nope

Orange Gal

No

Green Man

Alright, alright, I get the point

Thorn In Your Side

Oh, is it Expose Your Vode time?

I think Fox just crashed after staying up for 3 days straight

That’s why he hasn’t said anything lately

It’s been a few hours and even Rys and Corsica together couldn’t wake him

Werewolf? There Wolffe?

Oh, again?

*hacker voice* I’m In

Wolffe

Wolffe what do you mean by again

Werewolf? There Wolffe?

Happened a few times these past 2 semesters

Too much work not enough hours

Thorn In Your Side

...this makes so much more sense now

Lakes

What does?

Thorn In Your Side

He’s sent me some incoherent messages when he’s really sleep deprived this past year

I just thought it was one of his friends who stole his phone sometimes

Lakes

This just makes me glad Wolffe and Fox are going to the same college

At least someone’s there we know to look after him

Werewolf? There Wolffe?

Yeah, his roommate and I complained about him together a lot

Orange Gal

LOL

The chat continued the typical Fett brand of chaos up until about five minutes before they got home. When they did, everyone went about, putting stuff away. Wolffe turned to head off to the kitchen to help buir start dinner when his phone started vibrating — consistently, not the odd pattern from the group chat, so it must be a call. He pulled it out, read the contact name, rolled his eyes, and answered.

“What do you want?”

“Well, hello to you, too, Wolffe.” Cody sounded much too amused on the other end.

“Fine, hi. Get to the point.”

He could practically hear Cody’s grin growing. “What would your dad say about you guys joining us for the Coruscant Deltas’ game against the Serenno Clankers?”

----

Mando’a Translations

Buir: Parent

Ba’vodu: Uncle, Aunt

Vod: Sibling

Ori’vod: Older Sibling

Vod’ika: Younger Sibling

Aliit: Family, Clan

Vode: Siblings, plural

Shevi: Silent (Shev'la is the adjective, so this is my approximation of the verb form)

Shi kaysh jate’kara: Just his luck

Gedet’ye: Please

Nayc: No (negative answer)

Ori’vod, tion’nari gar gan-: Roughly “Big brother, do you have” but it’s cut off halfway through have

Ad’ika: Little one, son, daughter

----

And that's part two! Thanks for reading! If you have any questions about the Fett Clan in this AU, feel free to leave a comment, ask, or message. Also, fun fact: Cross is the only one in the cousin chat who didn't say anything! (That's because he mostly lurks lol). There are more cousins than featured here, they're all just too young for a phone. They'll all be featured in part four. Also also: it has come to my attention that kih'vod is most likely the more accurate term for "younger sibling" and vod'ika is more of an affectionate term. For the sake of continuity in this series, vod'ika will still be used as "younger sibling" but my works outside of this will begin to use kih'vod.

Up next: Cody's, Rex's, Fives', Echo's, and Tup's brand of chaos meets the Koon's brand of chaos during a basketball game. Coming eventually!

[andiandyandee]

Last Words 2/2

   Okay so plot twist I think this might become a whole thing so If you want more Parental Logince Punk AU shenanigans let me know.

Part 1

Taglist! @datfearlessfangirl @cas-is-a-hunter @princemesscharming

This is straight up fluff lads. This is just some fam shenanigans.

Okay the story is under the cut have fun

  When Roman woke in the hospital, he was sure he could tell it had been a long time. His hair, once very meticulously cut to ensure it wouldn’t hang further than his eyebrows, was now brushing his cheekbones. He hoped that was his hair. There was quiet talking somewhere in front of him. His bones felt stiff like he hadn’t moved in years.

     He was a big fan of dramatics, but he did really hope it hadn’t been years. There was a weight on his chest, pushing down and keeping his lungs from expanding.  

      Wait. Was the weight... Moving? He opened his eyes and was blinded immediately by white light reflected on white walls. There was light ginger hair brushing his face. He was NOT ginger.

      For that matter, he only knew one ginger. “Patton?” He croaked it out, wincing at the way his voice rattled. “Baby, I need you to move, okay? I can’t brea-” The weight was lifted suddenly, by someone in a black dress shirt. Roman breathed deeply, flinching at the sudden stab of pain from his side. He coughed a few times, then looked at the man who was holding his toddler. Blue eyes, almost white, stared at him with a look of both frustration and complete and utter relief. He was not wearing his glasses, his tie was nowhere to be seen, but it was his Logan. 

     “If you ever do that again, I will kill you myself,” Logan said in a flat, monotone voice with an eyebrow cocked. “And then I will resuscitate you, so Virgil can kill you too.” Roman glanced around the room, finding his older son curled on the lap of someone in a black and green sweatshirt. Remus. 

      His brother was telling Virgil a story, one the child had heard a thousand times, though it was obvious from the look on the child's face it was being told from a new perspective.

     “And the strong, scary knight told the scared dragon-”

     “You will never be welcome here, foul beast. There is no room for someone like you in our lands” Roman finished the line, trying his best to put on the regal voice saved specifically for this story. It made sense that Remus was telling the story from the perspective of the dragon. Virgil looked up with wide eyes, almost exactly the same shade of white-blue as Logan’s. 

     “You never told me the dragon was a momma dragon!” He cried, sticking out his lower lip. “Why did the knight have to kick her out?” Remus winked at his brother, a smirk on his face. 

      “Yeah, Ro! Why DID the knight have to kick her out?” Roman’s eyes narrowed a bit.

     “She was breaking the village's things! Perhaps the knight did not know the dragon was a mother. The knight was simply trying to protect his people.” Remus raised his eyebrows at that. 

     “Perhaps the knight should have asked the dragon.”

     “I have it on good authority that the dragon and the knight spoke very different languages.” 

     “Yes, one of them spoke trash goblin, and the other spoke drama queen.” A voice from the doorway piped up. A teenager in a leather jacket with a bright yellow t-shirt that read something along the lines of “Punk’s not dead” was smirking at the family. Virgil immediately perked up at seeing the teen. 

     “DeeDee! Look! Papa let me put PURPLE in my hair! Now Ima punk too!” Virgil smiled, showing off the single very light purple streak in his bangs. Logan chuckled at that.

      “Oh, very intimidating, Virge. Remind me to grab you your present before I head home tomorrow. I got you something to match.” Virgil nodded and went back to curling up on his uncle’s lap. “And Pat, I have something for you, too,” Dee promised with a little wink. Roman did not like the sound of that. His nephew’s gifts always ended up with the boys getting dress-coded in their kindergarten class. “Uncle Roman, it’s good to see you awake. I was certainly not scared out of my godda..” He glanced at the toddlers, “..ng mind by your brother calling me screeching about a car accident.” 

     “Why does he get to be UNCLE Roman but I don’t get to be Dad?” Remus whined from the chair.

     “Because YOU are a nightmare dressed up as a functioning parent” Dee smirked at him.

     “Roman is quite fine, Dee,” Logan said. “You did not have to drive twelve hours to come see him.” 

     “Yes, I did, because I took the family brain cell with me to college, and Dad told me you all haven’t left this hospital room in two days.” Logan blushed at that. 

     “I’ve been asleep for TWO DAYS?” Roman screeched. “Why didn’t you TELL ME?”

      “You were too busy bickering with your brother about an imaginary knight’s actions,” Logan said flatly. “And besides, you were expected to be asleep until at least Saturday, so the fact that you are both awake and functioning properly-” Remus snorted at that. “Is indicative that you are completely fine, save for the broken rib and that, er, laceration, on your jawline.” Roman touched his jaw, feeling a large bandage across the left side of his face. His eyes widened, looking over to his brother who had a hand to the vertical scar on his face.

     “Bad news, little brother, We have the same face again.”

 ***

     Roman groaned as he got out of bed, glad to be finally leaving the sterility of the hospital room he had been in for the last four days. The doctors assured him it was only a precaution, and that they were worried about the healing of the cut on his face, but it still felt like he would wake up at any minute to be told this was the end for him. 

      Logan was seated in one of the recliners across the room, typing on his laptop and looking unsurprisingly annoyed. Roman could hear Dee whispering outside the door, either on his phone or more likely- teaching his innocent tiny children how to rebel against the “man” which were often the lessons they kept in mind, and the ones that got them in trouble in school. The teen had decided to stick around for another week or so if only to keep the kids entertained while Roman was recovering.

     “Dee, if you could refrain from encouraging my kindergarteners to form mosh pits, that would be wonderful.” The teenager barked a laugh, sticking his head into the door only slightly.

     “One- I would never. Tiny bones have to be at least this tall” He gestured to only a few inches above Virgil’s head, which was the only part of the five-year-old Roman could see, and even then, only just a bit of his purple hair sticking out, “Two- if anything, your children are punker than I am, dearest Uncle.” Roman was immediately concerned. “Come on in, you two. Show your parents what your favorite cousin bought you.” 

     “You’re our only cousin, DeeDee.” Virgil reminded him, walking in with a big smile. He was wearing a black and purple patch jacket, grey leggings, and the tiniest pair of combat boots Roman had ever seen. Patton, who was standing behind him, was in a light blue sweater, a tiny grey jean jacket, and holographic boots that were very similar in style to the ones Dee was wearing. Both children had eyeliner on, but Virgil’s was smudged under his eyes so much it looked like he was a raccoon. Roman broke into giggles immediately.

     “Logan, Lo oh my goodness they look like you in high school. Oh my gosh, you corrupted our tiny baby children!” Logan raised an eyebrow, looking at his children standing there with big smiles and laughed a bit. 

     “Good.” 

     “Wait- Uncle Lo was a pu-”

     “I love you guys, you know?” Roman cut Dee off, if only to stop that conversation in its tracks. None of them wanted to listen to Logan assure them that he was still very much a ‘punk’. “Like, a lot. All the time, not just when I think I’m going to die. You guys are my whole life.” He looked at Dee, and behind him, to Remus, who was standing there looking a little uncomfortable. “All of you, okay?” 

     He figured, even if they weren’t his last words, they would be the words he made sure to say the most. That had to count for something.

[thevoilinauttheory]

Behind Smiles

[ For this week’s MAHI prompt! Words used: Meal, Sweater

Content Warnings: Familial abuse, physical abuse. Under cut, because of both the sensitive topic and how long it is. ]

“Honorie.” “Yes, Father.” Her attention was anywhere but near her father’s eyes, instead turned out the window at the blizzard which raged outside. She didn’t mind the snow, she had gotten used to it, but blizzards meant that there was no escape from the scrutiny of her father. “Pay attention when I speak to you.” “I am, go on.” Adrien let out a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You need to find a tutor for Tatienne, she needs to learn *properly*.” “Is learning from her cousin not proper enough, Father? Or do you mean to say that your grudge against your father would keep you from understanding the importance of the school she’s attending? You would pay more for someone who cannot keep her attention?” A scowl came to his face, the narrowing of his eyes missed by her. “If she is to live in this house, then she is to get a noble’s education - not whatever poorly bundled together “school” your cousin runs.” “Then you will agree to allowing her to learn swordfighting. Find her a tutor, and I will find her a noble’s educator.” Her own glare was returned to him. The front door slammed shut. “Mom! I’m back!” Honorie’s face relaxed enough for her to greet her daughter at the door. “Welcome back, honey - what did you learn about today?” She conversed with Tatienne, a refreshing breath compared to her father. “I hope it was another good day!” “It was! We learned about history today! Kinda boring, but Lothaire makes it fun.” “Does he now? Let’s talk about it over dinner, yeah?” “Okay!” Tatienne kicked off her boots, socks soaked with snow, shuffled off her coat, and padded herself to her room to change. “Honorie.” At the sound of her name, she let out an annoyed sigh. “What.” “Another suitor has offered to join us for d--” “Send him back. I am not interested.” “If you are to live in a proper home such as ours, you are going to marry into a proper family. You cannot expect to live here forever.” “Oh, like hells I’m expecting that. I’m only here to take care of Mother while she’s on her death bed - maybe you should be more worried about *her* and not *me*. Once she’s gone, I’ll get out of your hair. Maybe go back to adventuring.” “And end up like that fool of a “husband” you had? If he had never--” “You’ve no right to talk about him like that, and don’t you *dare* utter another word about him in bad light. He was a good man, and just because he was no noble nor rich man you would degrade him and turn your eyes away from all the good he’s put into this world. Ungrateful is what you are.” She turned away from him, striding confidently back to her own room to get cleaned up for their meal. And when mealtime came, much to her dismay, another man was waiting beside her father. Another suitor. Another dreary dinner. Her pleasant expression dropped for a split second to reveal her disdain. Though she cleared her throat and smiled a bit more for the stranger.

“A pleasure to meet you, ser. I apologize for my father’s… intrusion upon your schedule.” She offered a short curtsy. She was polite, and just about every aspect one could want from a noble woman… on the outside. Even her laugh was hidden behind her fingertips. “Not at all, my lady. Full glad am I to be here, and to meet you.” He offered a bow in return, though by the time he had lifted to greet her eyes… she was already walking away towards the dining room. “Mom! Moooom!” Tatienne rushed down the stairs, not heeding the man in front of her, where the slip-slide of her socks on the floorboards crashed her into his chest. She looked up at him and tilted her head, before it occurred to her to bow. “Sorry!” But that was it, she ran off to the dining room. “Mom, I can’t find my sweater… have you seen it?” “Oh, honey.. I thought that it was in your closet.” “I did too.” Tatienne frowned heavily, her mood severely ruined by the loss of her favorite piece of clothing. She threw herself into her chair, laying her head down on the table. “Tatienne. Arms off of the table.” Adrien sat himself down across from them, with the stranger beside him. She slid her arms slowly off the table until it was just her chin on the edge of it. Honorie rubbed her daughter’s back, scooting her chair closer to her. “Come on, sweetling, remember your manners.” She patted her head, then leaned over to whisper to her. “If you can be good tonight, just until this man leaves, I’ll sneak some extra dessert for us~.” She smiled and sat back up to address the man.

She paid absolutely no attention to his words, nor conversation, nor even his name. She didn’t care. This man did not speak out to her as someone she would even consider courting. She asked a few questions of her own, but it was her daughter that carried it on. Her questions made the man palpably uncomfortable.

“Do you know how to use a sword?” “Ah, no… I use a lance.” “Oh…” The tone in Tatienne’s voice said that was boring to her. “Do you go on adventures a lot? Mom likes to go out to the Forelands or the Sea if we get time to! Then I get to learn about all the cool stuff there!” “Is that… not dangerous for a young child to do?” He turned his eyes to Honorie, concerned. “Her father was an adventurer, and we’ve seen far more danger than what lives around us.” She smiled softly, a slight annoyance hidden behind it. “If you were to successfully court me, you would have to provide enough energy, time, and enrichment for Tatienne as well. If you don’t think you're capable of doing so, then it would probably be best that you don’t push on.” “I see. W-Well, I’m certain that it wouldn’t be too hard to provide those--” “Then you do not know my daughter very well. She’s chased off not one, nor two, nor even three - but the last five suitors before you. Do not think yourself any different. You are predictable, and by your stance, I’d say that my father neglected to let you know that I had a child to begin with.” “Honorie, that is enough.” Adrien’s scowl was met by his daughter’s own. “Perhaps you shouldn’t omit truths, *Father*. Perhaps you’d find the right man ere long, though if you retrieved that stick from your arse, maybe you would realize that I would find the right one *myself*.” All her politeness had been thrown out the window, before their meals had even arrived; and the awkwardness of the poor man across from her became unbearable for him. “I, ah… apologize for the intrusion, then. I had not known you were adamant on this topic.” “Do not worry of it, ser. I apologize that you had to witness such a thing, and that you were brought here on false promises. I have no doubts that you are a kind man, it is simply that you are not what I am looking for.” “I admire your sense, my lady. Perhaps it is best for me to take my leave, then. May we meet again in the future under better terms.” He stood from his chair and bid them a farewell with a bow, then helped himself out of their manor.

“At least this man was far kinder than the last, hm? Still haven’t learned your lesson?” Honorie turned back to her father. “And you wouldn’t have anything to do with Tatienne’s missing sweater, would you?” “That ratty trash deserved to be burned.” The comment had his granddaughter’s expression drop instantly, tears welling up in her eyes. “...It was the only thing I had left of Dad’s…” “I know, honey, I know.. let’s.. head back upstairs for now, okay? I’ll bring your dinner up.” Tatienne was bawling and screaming by the time she made it up the stairs to her room, and Honorie’s gaze towards her father was one filled with hatred. “You are well on your way to being treated like your father. In fact, I’d say the man you condemned as heartless is far, *far* kinder than you are. That you would do such a thing to her. Why do I stay here, the sooner Mother dies, the sooner you will feel the cold hands of loneliness - a revenge well worth seeing.” “Do not speak to your fath--” “I will do as I please! You are the one who asked for *my* help - if you don’t need me that badly, then take care of your wife on your own time!” She stood and slammed her hands on the table, an action which was immediately followed by Adrien’s own standing and a hard slap across her face. She had been used to it by now, her words bought violence in return. “Maybe if your father was given the chance to raise you, you wouldn’t have turned out to be the shite person you are today.” She turned on her heels and stormed upstairs, her own tears being held back for her daughter’s sake. 

[ella-se-vuelve-loca]

Christmas Eve With You | Joel Pimentel (12th Day of 🎄)

We’ve come to the end of Alondra’s 12 Days of Christmas fics! I hope you’ve enjoyed my stories and I hope you have a happy holidays! Thank you! 💕

(Credits to the owner of this gif!!!)

~~

“Mi amor, what if they don’t like me?” Joel asked as we sat in his car in front of my parents’ house, not daring to go in just yet. “They’ll love you, Joel. I know they will.”

“But what if they say that I’m not good enough for you? Or don’t accept our relationship? What’s gonna happen – ” I leaned over and gave him a kiss. One, to shut him up and two to help calm him down. “Baby, por favor… trust me. They’re gonna love you.” He bit his lip and nodded. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just nervous.”

“No, really?” I laughed and he smiled at me. “Oh shut up haha it’s just… you know I’ve never really been in a relationship, so you’re the first girl I’ve ever done this with and I’m just hoping it will go well.” I reached over and moved his hair away from his face. “I know and it’s okay to feel a little nervous. I know I’m gonna be when I meet your family tomorrow.” I laughed slightly and looked up at him. “I have a really good feeling about this, Joel.”

He gave me a smile and nodded his head once more. “Now, let’s go inside and let’s have some fun.”

He got out of his car, walked over to my side, opened the door for me and held out his hand. “Thank you, mi amor.” I took his hand in my own and got out of the car, turning around just to get the plate of food that we brought for the party. “Let’s go.”

We walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. My sister was the one who greeted us at the door and gave us hugs. “You’re here!” I smiled. “Of course I’m here! I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” She turned her attention to Joel and raised her eyebrow. “So you’re the one my sister won’t shut up about.” She stated. “Oh shush!” I commented as he laughed. “I guess I am.” He smiled as she turned her head and yelled out. “Mamá! (Y/N) está aqui con su novio!” She opened the door more so we could get in. “Come on in! We’re about to get ready to eat really soon.”

We walked in and was immediately greeted by my mom. “Hey mija! You’re home!” She grabbed the plate from my hands and placed it on a table so she could engulf me in a hug. “I’ve missed you mamá.” We pulled away as she now looked at the boy I love behind me. “Oh, and who’s this?” She smiled. “Um hi I’m Joel.” He stuck out his hand for her to shake as she did just that.

“It’s nice to finally put a face to (Y/N)’s boyfriend.” He smiled and looked around. “You have such a lovely home.” I felt someone mess up my hair behind me, so I turned and saw my brother standing there.

“Hey buttface.”

“Hey numnuts.”

He smiled at me and gave me a hug. “You know, it was much more quieter before you walked in.”

“I forgot I have to deal with your ass for the remainder of the night.” We pulled away and he saw Joel talking to my mother. “So… is that him?” He asked and I nodded. “Good. I’m gonna go interrogate him now.” I slapped his arm. “Bitch, you better not.”

“I gotta get intel for dad. I’ll be back in a bit.” He laughed and pushed passed me before I could stop him.

“Hey.” He came up to him and stood face to face with Joel. “Hi.”

“I’m the brother.”

“I’m the boyfriend.”

They shook hands and he began his questioning. “I just wanna ask a few questions, if you don’t mind and don’t worry, they’re not bad.” He laughed as Joel laughed along with him. “By all means, ask away.” He smiled. “So, I hear that you’re in a band.” Joel nodded as he waited for him to continue. “That being said, how does the long distant relationship thing work?”

“Well, it’s not easy but when you love someone, you have to make it work no matter what because in the end, it’ll be worth it. It’s just a matter of not giving up on each other.” He nodded his head as he looked at Joel. “Good answer... any brothers? Sisters?” 

“I have three brothers - Israel, Emanuel and Gabriel.” He stated. “Has (Y/N) met your family yet?” He shook his head. “We’re actually gonna meet them tomorrow. It’ll be her first time meeting my family.” 

“Oh, really?” He nodded. “She’s nervous, but I know they’re gonna love her.”

“Hmm..” My brother nodded his head. “You know, you’re not so bad, Joel.” He smiled. “Hey, what kind of games do you play?”

“Um.. I’m down for whatever.” He patted Joel on the shoulder. “Cool, ‘cause I got an extra controller if you’re down to play on the PS4? Me and a few of my cousins are gonna play later on tonight. You down to hang?” Joel nodded and smiled. “Sure, man. Just tell me when and I’ll be there.”

“Get ready to have your ass handed to you.” My brother chuckled. “Is that a challenge?” He nodded. “You bet.”

“Alright. Game on.” They talked for a few minutes more before Joel followed me to the kitchen. “What did I miss?” I asked him. “Nothing much. Just the fact that your brother asked some very interesting questions.”

“Oh, boy. How did it go?”

“I swear, I damn near had a heart attack when he was asking me these questions.” Joel chuckled. “But I think it went alright.” He smiled. “He even invited me to play some games with him later on.”

“My brother is always up for a game to play. He’s really competitive, so be prepared haha,” I laughed and walked into the kitchen. 

“Aahh! (Y/N)!” Mi abuela spoke as she gave me a hug. “Hola, abuela! No te he visto en mucho tiempo.” We pulled away and she noticed Joel standing next to me. “Abuela, hay alguien que quiero que conozcas..” I mentioned over to Joel. “Este es Joel, mi novio.”

“Hola, señora.” He smiled at her and they both shook hands. “Yo e escuchado mucho de ti porqué (Y/N) no se calla la boca nunca.” She spoke.

“Abuela!” I laughed as Joel’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink. “Y eso es la verdad, mija!” Joel y mi abuela talked for a few more minutes before my dad, my brother and mi abuelo all walked into the kitchen.

“Joel, right?” My dad asked as Joel slightly gulped. “Um yes sir, that’s me.” He held out his hand shook hands with all of them. “Welcome to our home.” My dad gave him a smile. “Thank you, it’s an honor to finally meet you all.”

After a few minutes of my father wanting to get to know Joel better, it was getting closer to dinner time. “Todos ven y siéntate a la mesa, es hora de comer.” My mom spoke I was helping her set up the table. We all gathered around and sat down. “Okay, mi amor, would you like to do the honors?” My mom asked my dad and he nodded, clearing his throat.

“Alright, hey uh gracias a todos por venir esta noche. I know everyone can get really busy during the holidays, but Christmas is the time to spend with those who mean the most to you and who are always going to be there for you. It’s a time to give thanks and spend time with loved ones. So again, thank you to everyone who’s here and.. let’s feast.”

Everyone raised up their drinks and said “Salud.”

Everyone dug into their foods and talk amongst each other. “So Joel, (Y/N) tells me that you’re in a band.” My cousin spoke as he nodded. “I am.”

“Will you be singing us a song later on tonight?” She asked as he laughed. “Um.. I wasn’t really planning to, but if that’s what you want, then I’ll be more than happy to give a little performance.”

After eating, we all played a game. It’s a classic always played at my house during the holidays – ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas ornament exchange. Mi Tia would read the story and every time she said “right” or “left”, that’s the direction we would pass the ornament to the person on our side. Our house was filled with laughter and people joking around when someone would mess up.

Eventually, it was almost time to go. Mi abuela y abuelo called Joel over to the side to talk to him before we go on our way. “Mijo, ven aquí por favor..” He walked over to them and they spoke once again.

“I know it’s not easy going to other families houses for the holiday’s..” mi abuela spoke, but you could still hear her Spanish accent. “Pero quiero decir gracias.. por hacerla felíz.”

“Ella me hace felíz. Yo estoy tan felíz de tener la oportunidad de conocerla a ella y a su maravillosa familia.” Joel smiled as mi abuela reached over and grabbed onto his hand. “Eres buena para ella.” Mi abuelo spoke as he looked at Joel. “Amala, cuidalla y protegerla bien, mijo.”

He glanced over at me as I was saying bye to my mom and dad and nodded. “Okay, now go.” He waved him off as Joel held a smile on his face and walked closer to me. “Hey, you ready to leave?” I asked him and he nodded once again. “It was a pleasure meeting you and thank you so much for the invite.” Joel spoke.

“It was wonderful to meet you too, Joel. We hope to see you again soon!” My dad walked up and shook his hand. “You guys drive safe, okay?” We nodded, waved bye to everyone and made our way to the car. “Did you have fun?” I asked him and he laughed. “I did.”

“See? It wasn’t that hard, was it?” He shook his head and put the key into the ignition. “No, it wasn’t that hard.” I strapped my seatbelt in as he started to back up.

“Now, tomorrow, you’re gonna meet my family.” He smiled and started driving away.

“Oh, don’t remind me.”

“There’s nothing to be nervous about. You’re gonna love you.” I turned and smiled at him. “Trust me.”

Tag List 🐙

@apla-o-eaytos-mou​

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[atlantic-riona]

modern Helen and Penelope, Sherlock, and Tempest Mac? (If you don't feel like doing all of these, please just pick your favorite--I'm just intrigued by ALL of these.)

ooh you managed to pick all the older ones! I am quite fond of these still, so I’ll do all three!

putting it all under a cut because it got quite long:

modern Helen and Penelope was a modern AU (as the name suggests), but there were still gods and magic and heroes, plus a bunch of other mythologies were included as well. basically, the plot sort of revolved around Helen, who’s going to be in an arranged marriage, deciding to abscond with Paris, which kicks off a whole bunch of other things (I don’t quite remember the details anymore, but I do distinctly remember that the Irish heroes got involved somehow, and the...uhhh...well, some other heroes got involved too but I never wrote any of their names down, so 😅). but it also revolved around Odysseus and Penelope falling in love, which I’m a sucker for. in honor of that, here’s the part I wrote with Odysseus:

Her heart skips a beat as she realizes who she’s looking at, and she hastens to finish before Helen catches on. “With—what’s his name, Odysseus, I think.”

“The island king’s son?” Helen sounds disinterested, and Penelope silently thanks any gods listening. “I can’t remember—is he one of the good-looking ones? They’ve all become a blur.”

“He—” Penelope’s tongue, usually so nimble, stutters to a halt. All she has to do is say no, and her cousin will move on. But she can’t bring herself to lie. Not about him.

Helen watches with growing interest as Penelope makes a few inarticulate sounds before subsiding into a blushing silence. “You know what? Maybe I should refresh my memory. Come on, cuz.”

She strides away, moving with easy confidence as Penelope, her stomach filled with dread, follows. 

Her cousin has the ability to be seen or to be Seen. In other words, there are times like now, where the two of them pass through crowds with barely a second glance from anyone, and then there are times when Helen is the center of any room she walks into. And she can switch back and forth with ease.

Odysseus and his friend are bent over a table covered with hastily drawn maps and pretzels acting as soldiers. Someone nearby laughs, loudly, and her heart pounds in her ears. Odysseus is shorter than the other boy, but has broader shoulders. Recklessly, Penelope decides that despite the other boy’s good looks and easy smile, Odysseus has a far better smirk. Neither of them look up as the girls approach.

“So you see, the king really ought to have placed his troops there.”

“Ah, but have you considered,” says Odysseus, picking up another pretzel and eating it, “that the river was too exposed for a stand against the invaders? At the time, the forest seemed the better option.”

Helen leans over to look at the maps. “Goodness,” she says airily, as if the very sight of the battle maps are too much for her, although Penelope has played enough strategy games with her cousin to know that Helen would wipe the floor with anyone at this table, not including Penelope herself. “All those pieces look so very lonely. Surely you cannot win a war with so few soldiers?”

“Well, they represent battalions, not individual soldiers,” says Odysseus absently, and then he looks up.

From the way that he and his friend become still, it’s clear that Helen wishes to be Seen. They’re transfixed, the way one stares at a comet or tornado. Penelope might as well be the air, for all they see her.

In a fair world, Penelope might have been considered beautiful.

In that world, Helen would have to not exist.

As it is, Penelope contents herself with being considered wise beyond her years, although wisdom seems a poor consolation prize in moments like these.

“Helen,” Odysseus says finally. He clears his throat. “Aren’t you supposed—”

She reaches out and covers his hand with her own. “Oh, that. Being cooped up all day is no fun, I tell you. So I convinced Penelope to take me here with her.” Odysseus’ gaze drifts to Penelope. He has very lovely brown eyes. Helen clearly doesn’t care for the shift in his attention, for she laughs prettily and Penelope does not exist again. “Let’s keep this our little secret, shall we? And by that I mean don’t tell my father.”

Odysseus nods slowly. He looks around, up, down, and finally settles on asking, “Won’t you sit down?”

“Oh, you’re so thoughtful,” Helen says, and promptly does. The other boy does as well, which leaves only the one seat—Odysseus’. 

“You and Penelope will have to share,” Helen observes, sharp gaze trained on her cousin.

Penelope takes a deep breath. “I’ll stand, thanks.”

may actually pick this one up in the future, idk

Sherlock was a mini-play I wrote for my high school; they were doing a play (with Sherlock Holmes) that needed a “fake start,” one that was really ridiculous, so I wrote one for them that I thought might fit the bill. I have a lot of favorite ridiculous moments but here are a few:

SHERLOCK (abruptly): How’s Mary?

WATSON: //children...oh, Mary’s fine, she’s fine - so’s Henry’s two little sisters, Emma and Jane. Right terrors they are. Twin disasters, you might say. (He chuckles.)

SHERLOCK: Twins?

WATSON: How did you -

SHERLOCK: Your enjoyment in that atrocious and badly delivered pun gave up the game.

HENRY: The kids nowadays call that a dad joke.

---

HOLMES: You took your time slinking out from the woodwork again, my old enemy.

MORIARTY looks embarrassed. 

MORIARTY: I had to make tenure. My apologies for delaying our little games, Holmes.

HOLMES: Quite understandable. You cad.

MORIARTY: I deserved that one, I’m afraid. But not anymore than that, Holmes!

HOLMES: I apologize. I had to get it out of my system.

MORIARTY: Of course.

---

HOLMES: To answer your question…

He realizes that he doesn’t know her name.

HOLMES: ...er, dear, Moriarty is in fact about to offer us tea.

MORIARTY: Quite right. I put the kettle on before you woke up. Two sugars as usual, Holmes?

HOLMES: Once again you try to trick me, old enemy. You know perfectly well that I drink it black.

MORIARTY snaps his fingers.

MORIARTY: Foiled again, Holmes!

it was meant to be really bad, because Holmes (the real one for the play) comes out and demands to know what Watson (the real one for the play) is writing, at which point the actual play would start 😂😂

Tempest Mac is, I think, the only sci-fi story I’ve ever written?? it’s about this little girl in the future, in space, who’s Catholic and who meets an alien, while also solving important mysteries (like where the cookie jar went 😂😂)

that...was pretty much all the plot I had planned out, I think

but here’s what I had:

Someone had moved the cookie jar again.

Tempest Mac made a thoughtful face as she considered the scene of the crime. Then she went and fetched a tall stool, a flashlight, and a thick book detailing the customs and mannerisms of the Hazien people (which she was only a quarter of the way through, having only started at breakfast this morning). One never knew what might come in handy.

Just as she had gotten the book settled in place on the countertop, with one foot balanced neatly on the stool and the other on the book, and was peering into the highest cupboard with the flashlight, a shrill, startled voice rang out behind her. “Tempest! What on Earth do you think you’re doing?”

“Finding the cookie jar, Aunti,” Tempest replied calmly, still shining the flashlight into the cupboard. In addition, they weren’t on Earth, they were on Haz—a few hundred lightyears away—so really, Aunti should have said, ‘What on Haz do you think you’re doing?’ but she knew when to let things go. “Somebody’s moved it again.”

“You don’t need a cookie right now, you’ve just had lunch,” her aunt scolded, lifting her off the stool and onto the ground without hardly any effort. “Wait until after dinner.”

“I don’t want a cookie, I want to know who keeps moving the cookie jar,” Tempest protested, but Aunti paid her no heed and sent her out of the kitchen to water the small garden out back.

Tempest Mac was six years old, small of stature, and what some people referred to as ‘precocious.’ Tempest gently argued with these people that no, she wasn’t precocious, she simply thought thoughts in a sensible way. Nevertheless, her grave eyes, quiet way of asking commonsense questions, and aptitude at reading far above her age level made the debate moot, as far as people were concerned.

Most people would rather chalk up things and people who don’t appear to make sense at first as anomalies, rather than investigate further. But then, this is because many people see the world like a black ink stamp pattern on a clean sheet of paper—easy, simple and pretty, in an orderly, bureaucratic sort of way. If the world is ordered and lovely in its organization, then so too can lives and people be the same way. If the world is a jumbled, chaotic, sloppy finger-painting done by an overenthusiastic four year old, then it is much harder for people to convince themselves that their lives may be ordered and simplistic. Such is life.

There’s a reason “Aunti” is spelled the way it is, but for the life of me I can’t remember why

[cravingcrazewriting]

Older And Wiser (but not really)

Trigger Warning- VERY small mention of desire to end one's own life. Plus transgender Evan because I love him

Thanksgiving was always a roll of the dice for Evan.

Some Thanksgivings he got to spend with his mom. Others he spent with Jared and his family. When they were both gone, Heidi would celebrate the next day when she was off.

Ironically though, both of these situations were going underway, leaving Evan alone for Thanksgiving. Although it hurt to be alone, he knew it wasn't really anyone's fault. Thanksgiving was a time for family and friends, so naturally people had to leave to go see other relatives out of state (Alana was going with her dad's to visit her grandparents, if he wasn't mistaken).

The only person that was still around was Connor, who's family hosted hosted a big Thanksgiving meal. Evan thought it was sweet since it was usually just him and his mom. It wasn't that they didn't have any family, but rather working as a nurse and the unforeseeable weather that almost always brought about a snow storm, so it was nearly impossible to see relatives until Hanukkah.

Evan pulled out an box that had differently colored leafs scattered across the wrapping he had dressed around it. He decided against putting a bow on it and went to set it out on the table. It was a gift for Connor, for a Thanksgiving gift exchange. It was something he and Heidi always did, so Evan decided to let Connor join in on the fun.

He'd saved some money from doing work with the neighbors, part of it for his top surgery, and the other half for holiday shopping. The tasks they asked were simple, such as vacuuming, dusting, or cleaning (in the fall, he mowed lawns).

He'd already had made a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch, since pretty much everything was closed for the holiday, he couldn't order out. Currently his binder was off and in his room, as he'd already worn it for eight hours, and needed to remove it. It was god awful, but wearing it for too long could fracture his ribs, and he did not want to be responsible for a hospital bill. Still, an oversized shirt he stole from Connor helped out a little bit with how unsettled he felt.

He gently set the box down on the dining table, and went to make a box of Mac and Cheese, as he was okay with spoiling himself just a little bit for the holiday. While he was filling up a pot with water, his phone vibrated. Evan pulled out his phone to read it.

Connor <3: Dinner just finished up. Can I go to your place? Don't think I can stay another minute at home

Evan: Sure! We can share Mac and Cheese!

Although he was trying to hold back enthusiasm, he was really happy that Connor was coming. He'd spent a lot of lonely days with Connor either cuddling, talking, making jokes, watching random shit on Netflix, or a mix of all of that (with a fair share of kisses, as well).

Evan made sure to keep an eye on the time as the water boiled, practically checking his phone almost every thirty seconds, not wanting to keep Connor waiting outside very long.

Ultimately the doorbell rang later, which made Evan practically run to the door and swung it open from being in a rush. It could've been worse. At least he didn't accidentally dent the wall.

Outside, Connor was holding an envelope and a box wrapped in plain orange wrapping paper. Underneath was some food in long, plastic and portable boxes, with a bottle that looked like alcohol. He was wearing his jacket and trench coat, ripped jeans, and black thin looking gloves. He was smiling at how fast Evan answered the door.

"Please tell me you— you didn't bring alcohol," Evan held the door open, watching Connor step inside and set his things down on the coffee table.

"You have no faith in me?" He asked innocently, picking up what revealed to be sparkling grape juice.

Evan snorted, "Okay, faith restored. Er, did you want me to... t-take your coat?"

Connor shrugged off the trench coat with ease. "Nah, you're just gonna steal it later," he teased him, before looking at the kitchen. "Besides, I know where to put it. It looks like you've got something cooking."

"I need to stir my Mac and Cheese!" Evan fretted, running into the kitchen, leaving behind a laughing Connor.

He gave the pot a quirk stir, watching a few remains of butter slip around inside. He set the wooden spoon down, and felt a pair of arms wrap around his upper chest and a chin rest itself on his head.

"Um. Can you m-move your arms?" Evan grabbed his forearms gently, and pulled them down.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, sorry," Connor realized his binder was off in that moment, so he slid his arms down to his waist to hold him there loosely and gently. He dropped his head to Evan's shoulder. "That looks good."

"It's just cheese and noodles," Evan giggled, rolling his eyes.

"They're good cheesy noodles," he muttered begrudgingly, nestling his face into the crook of Evan's neck.

The two stayed like that, happily finishing up the Mac and Cheese, before putting them into bowls, and piled onto the couch to eat. Evan had to resist the urge to climb onto Connor's lap, tackle him on the couch, or anything because they were just starting to eat, and he had to have a little self control. So, he settled Connor's legs on his lap as they began to talk about everything and nothing.

"My big shot cousin was there, making a big deal about his business, and how much money he was making, which lead to the 'You see Connor, you can be like your cousin Jack over there' talk with Larry. He isn't thrilled about the fact I'm getting a tattoo," Connor explained in between bites.

Evan was eating a little slow, as he didn't want to eat too fast. "Um— what tattoo did you w-wanna get?"

"A semi colon on my wrist," Connor gestured to his right wrist. "It means that at one point I wanted to end my life, but I kept going."

Evan couldn't help but smile. "You're so strong."

"You are too," Connor punched his arm lightly, in a playful manner. "You've been on testosterone for like— a year now, you're binding, hell, it must've been hard coming out to your mom."

He laughed lightly. "Well, I'd ask to go to the men's clothing in the mall, and if she'd ask why, I'd just say 'oh, their jeans actually have pockets'. Then she'd laugh and let me go, but I think she saw through that."

Connor snorted, "I think I love you even more just from that. Anyways, you want some turkey sandwiches? I brought like, four."

"Um, yes, because it wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a turkey," he grinned, opening up the container and pulled one out.

Connor opened the sparkling grape juice, and poured it into the cups Evan had grabbed. "And pretending we can drink by using special cups and bottles."

Evan took his cup once he was done. "It makes me feel fancy," he said with a laugh, before taking a sip.

"When's your mom getting home?" Connor opened another container that contained biscuits and a few pieces of apple pie.

"Late tonight. We're celebrating tomorrow, didn't I tell you that?" Evan grabbed a biscuit.

"Well you did, and today I realized you were all by yourself. Didn't want to deal with my uptight relatives, and didn't want you being all lonely. It's a win-win," the latter shrugged. "Anyways, when'd you wanna open your present?"

"After we're done eating," Evan swallowed. "This stuff you brought is too good."

The two young boys continued to eat and chat away happy, and at one point, Evan had grabbed Connor's trench coat, and had it draped around his shoulders happy. Connor snuck a few photos of him with the oversized coat on as payback.

"Okay, open it," Evan set Connor's gift in his lap, excited for the other,

"I get to go first?" Connor began taking off the wrapping. "Isn't this your tradition? And your house?"

"Well you're the guest, so you go first," Evan responded, smiling.

With the wrapping off, Connor carefully undid the box lid and looked inside. Within the box was a purple beanie, a sketchbook, and some colored pencils.

"Ev... this is so sweet," Connor gushed, and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. "Thank you..." He was blushing slightly.

Evan was red from the small sign of affection. "Oh um, it wasn't a problem." He replied, watching as Connor set a box on his lap next.

Being very delicate, he removed the wrapping paper, and looked at what was inside. There was a dark green sweater, a scented candle that smelt like candy canes, and a rather adorable looking T-Rex plushie.

Evan set the box beside him, and was about to thank him, when Connor held his hand out, and handed him the envelope.

"Read it first," he'd said ever so softly.

Evan couldn't help but oblige, curious as to what it was Connor obviously wanted him to see. He peeled open the lid as neatly as he could (which wasn't that neat) and pulled out a card.

Connor had drawn a cartoon turkey on the front, with the words "Happy Turkey Day to not just my boyfriend, but to my best friend". When he opened to the inside, there was a small stack of money and a large margin on the left side. "Evan, I know you've been working really hard on getting money for your top surgery, but with Hanukkah coming up, I thought you'd need a little boost. I love you, and I hope it helps.- Connor". The stack had fifty dollars, which was held in place with a rubber band.

"I know you wanted to do this by yourself, but you've... you've done a lot for me, and you deserve this," Connor twisted his ring, and smiled.

"It's just enough! Thank you!" Evan enthusiastically threw his arms around him, holding him close.

Connor chuckled, hugging him back. "You're welcome, Ev.."

And when Heidi saw Evan the next time, well, it was the happiest he'd ever been.

[pendragonfics]

a strange fear gripped me (and i just couldn't ask)

- ̗̀  Bruce Banner Bingo 2019  ̖́-

Paring: Bruce Banner/Reader

Square filled: wedding day 

Tags: female reader, post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Happy Hogan is a Good Bro, Uncle Happy Hogan, Professor Hulk, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Beauty and the Beast Elements, Post-Canon Fix-It

Summary: At the Stark house by the lake, Morgan organises an event for her toys, inviting you and Bruce Banner along.

Word Count: 2,419

Current Date: 2019-08-14

Work Text:

As per the invitation - handwritten, with the best penmanship that her gel pen could muster - you arrived at the back porch of Pepper’s house, wearing your nice outfit. You had been tempted to just turn up in normal clothes, but she’d have said over the phone in her most grown-up voice, that “weddings were for fancy clothes!”

The fanciest thing you had on hand was a black pair of slacks and a white top. You wondered if she minded if you were in the same colour as the bride, but then again, if she was being that strict, you’d be chastised for wearing pants. When you get to the house, Happy is sat on the front porch, in his usual suit. The only thing different is he’s wearing a handmade flower crown, the circlet slightly askew upon his balding head. He checks his phone, but as you near, he gives you a wry smile.

“Welcome to the wedding,” he says. His tone is dry as ever, but the fact that he’s playing along reminds you of all the years he humoured Tony with every finicky detail. “Invitation?”

You pass him the paper and notice he has another invitation beside his feet.

“Morgan roped in another person to play marriage with?” You ask.

Happy’s smile is wry. “That sounds about right.” He laughs. “But I’m under strict instruction not to disclose the guest list.”

You roll your eyes. “It seems like we’re equally wrapped around the kid’s finger.” You smile, noticing a trail of coloured in paper confetti. “I suppose that’s the way to the event?”

“Yep,” Happy pops the p. He gives you another smile and returns his gaze to the screen in his hands. “Enjoy.”

Stepping around him, you follow the litter of crayon on torn printer paper to mimic rose petals, to the rear of the house. You’d only been to the Stark house three times; when you came to check on Tony post-snap, and pre-Morgan, for her third birthday party, and … Tony’s funeral. If it weren’t for the fact that you’d promised to Pepper to be around more, for Morgan’s sake, you’d have a hard time being on the property.

Out the back has had a little girl makeover. It doesn’t matter that she’s the kid of a billionaire and the CEO of Stark Industries, there are sheets hanging from the rafters to mimic a tent, cushions sourced from the lounge room all over the garden path, and toys on the grass in a mock arrangement.

Hell, this almost looked like it was a proper wedding.

On the lawn was a pumpkin patch doll, one of those plastic robot dogs from the early 2000’s, a handful of Ken and Barbie dolls - it almost made you wonder which of the toys were getting hitched.

“Aunt __________!” Morgan cried out, running from inside the house. She almost tripped over the threshold, but incorporating her stumble into her step, you soon had a kid torpedoing into your torso for a tight hug.

“Hey, kiddo,” you muss her hair. “What’s crackalacking?”

“You’re so weird,” she chortles. “But you’re here now! We can make it happen!”

You peel off Pepper’s daughter from your form. “I hope I haven’t made you wait too long M. Traffic was horrendous.”

She laughs again. It’s nice to hear her laugh, even though it’s been less than a year since her dad passed away. “No, we haven’t waited long! But now you’re here we can have some fun!”

You watch as she runs as quickly as she came back into the house, and obscured by the security tint window, you stay where you stand, unsure what’s happening next. A beat passes, and you glance down to a Ken doll, naked except for a pair of pink board shorts. You’re sure you had the same doll as a kid yourself. But Morgan is quick in her movements, because not a minute later, you hear gentle protesting, and see...

Oh.

It had most certainly been a hot minute since you last saw Dr Bruce Banner.

Last time you saw him, it had been in Sokovia. The last time you were an actively serving Avenger. You’d broken it off with him because you knew what he and Tony were doing with the Ultron software was reckless, and after the fight against the bots, he flew off into the sun. You vaguely remember him when you materialised for the battle against Thanos, and he looked just like this.

“You’re looking a little green, doc,” you look over his body, unsure what you’re seeing. He was both Hulk...and Banner? To be honest, he looked like a DeviantArt fan nightmare, except there was a hint of sexiness that made you question your taste and life choices. “Morgan, what -,”

“Morgan, sweetie, why is _________ here?” Green Bruce said at the same time.

“For the wedding! And now you’re both here, don’t forget to have a good time.” She says, beaming.

You quietly take a perch on one of the three lawn chairs on the right. Bruce takes the other two.

As Morgan fussed over some dolls that had fallen over, you turn to Bruce, “Want to explain to me why you’re all spinach, no puff?” You whisper.

“I’m, er, - they call me Professor Hulk.” He replies. Even though he’s built like that, his voice is still hesitant. “My physical state is an equilibrium of all parts of my psyche.”

He sounds like Bruce, and smiles like Bruce, but...he doesn’t look like Bruce at all.

You scoff quietly. “I don’t know if you’re taking constructive criticism, but -,”

The music starts up. In her small hands, Morgan holds an Iron Man helmet, a mark you recognise from one of Tony’s earlier designs. From the open mouth, it plays a wedding march, and she approaches the both of you. It would look comical, but she held it like a motorcycle helmet, beside her overalls-clad side.

“Hey, stand up!” She stage-whispers, and you and Green - no - Professor Hulk follow her instruction. Ushering you both around, she places the helmet on a chair and picks up the cabbage patch doll from the ground.

It’s only when she starts reciting some words - familiar because you’ve been to a fair few ceremonies over the years - that you realise what’s happening.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to make Aunt _________ and Uncle Bruce get married-,”

Professor Hulk’s eyes are wide. “Woah, woah, Morgan -- you can’t marry people.” He says, hands raised as if to placate the eight-year-old before you. “I - we didn’t agree to be married.”

“But it’s a wedding!” Morgan reasons. “You’re here to married.”

“Do you have a license?” You ask, bewildered.

From the pocket of her overalls, she withdraws a printed A4 sheet. “Yeah!” She passes it to you. It’s from a kid’s website, printed in pink ink that reads, in Comic Sans font, Morgan Stark is a cool girl and a cooler marriage officiant! beside the coolgirlgames dot com smiley face logo. You show the sheet to Professor Hulk, and slowly, he wipes a hand over his face. “Don’t you like it?”

“It’s a - a cool license, but Morgan, _________ and I didn’t agree to be married.”

She looks almost like she’s about to cry.

You take the silence as an opportunity to speak up. Lowering yourself to your knees, you gather Morgan in for a hug, holding her close. “Uncle Bruce is right, sweetheart. I - we might have felt the same feelings that people who get married do — but that was a long time ago, and we both changed.”

Morgan sniffs, wiping at her eyes. “But Mommy said that true love lasts forever.”

“You wanted to get married?” Professor Hulk asks you, bewildered.

You glance over your shoulder, taking him in. He looks like Hulk’s nerdy cousin, and if it weren’t for the fact that Bruce’s eyes were looking out from that face, you wouldn’t be able to recognise him.

“I would have said yes if you asked,” you mumble. “… but you never did. And then there was the whole Ultron thing, and next thing I know you’re AWOL, and -,” you feel tears pricking at your eyes. You blink them away, determined not to cry. “But like I said. People change.”

The door opens again, and Pepper Potts steps out. She’s always been a strong woman, and even in her own home, she’s wearing an LBD and heels, her crisp strawberry blonde hair ironed to perfection. All of this you notice in a fraction of a second, because her façade is broken when she sees her daughter, crying in your arms.

“Oh my goodness Morgan, you-,” she takes the scene in, dismounting the porch toward her daughter. Pepper’s heels wobble on the path, and Morgan flies into her arms. “I thought this was for your toys, I said -,”

“But they love each other,” Morgan pleads, sniffing.

Pepper leads her daughter inside, perhaps to give her a stern talking-to. You wondered briefly if you had made the incident worse, but those thoughts were dashed as soon as you felt a hand upon your shoulder. Looking up, you take him in. At this angle, you feel as if you’re Morgan; Professor Hulk towers taller than the average adult, taller than the lofty Pepper Potts. Looking at him, you feel dwarfed, like a deer in the headlights. Bruce should know better than to be a fusion of Hulk around you; you had such a good relationship with the green guy, and you missed him.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you plead, shrugging off his hand.

“You wanted to marry me?” Bruce’s voice crackles.

But you don’t answer him. It’s hard to, because your mind is racing, and your blood is running so fast that you can hear it in your ears, rushing around. You go to leave, but once again, Professor Hulk’s hand holds you back.

“Let me go.”

“_________-,”

“You don’t get to turn up and act like it’s okay to resume where we left off!” you raise your voice, wrenching your arm from his grip. But it’s tight, with all the strength that you remember the Hulk having. “You don’t get to just say that and act like you’re still in a relationship. Because I spent years searching for you. I did not stop. Do you know how fucking hard it was, feeling like a failure? And when I hung my boots up, you’re back on Earth, just to fight Thanos and muck around with your - your biology when that fails.”

If you were a cartoon, you’re sure that your ears would be smoking.

He lets go of your arm. You turn, pacing like a wild beast.

“I wasn’t sure how to say those things,” Professor Hulk whispers, “that you loved-,”

“I still love you, you idiot!” you yell.

You hear a silence fall across the lake house. From inside, where you’re sure that Pepper is trying to console her daughter, and Happy has perhaps moved out of earshot. The forest is silent, the wind dropping off. There’s no birdsong. There’s just the words that came from your mouth, echoing in both of your ears.

I still love you, you idiot!

You wipe a hand over your forehead, shocked that those words came out. Pinching at the bridge of your nose, you compose yourself, readying yourself to face Professor Hulk, and what he has to say to your outburst. But there’s a small part of yourself holding back. That can’t do it. Because that part is the lovestruck little person, the voice that made you search all of space and time and everything in between for the man you lost following Sokovia.

“_________,” he whispers.

“I - I’ve got to go,” you shake your head. But there isn’t a bone in your body that wants to move. You don’t move an inch, can’t move an inch, aren’t sure you ever will move an inch. “Bruce -,”

He gathers you in his arms.

It’s then you melt. You fold into his arms like a spool of cotton candy into a puddle, and he scoops you in, holding you tight. His smell is confusing, and yet, it’s the comfort of Hulk’s arms around you with Bruce’s temperament that feels like…home.

You look up; his neck craned toward yours, hesitant.

And almost like there hasn’t been any time lost between you both, you give in. Upon the balls of your feet, you reach up as far as you can, and, as soft as ever, your lips brush his cheek.

The strangest thing is, you don’t believe in miracles, or true love. That was just a story. You’d trained alongside Sam Wilson in the military, and with every gruelling day of work, there was no silver lining. Especially when Riley died. There was only the next day, and the day after that, and after the funeral, you filed for release from service.

It was a fluke that you were at Sam’s meeting the same day that the Captain America swung by. It happened to be a coincidence that you and Sam were able to help him, and Ms Romanov, with the HYDRA infestation within their government agency. It was chance that you and Sam were enlisted into the Avengers Initiative. It had been the best luck that you met Bruce Banner while training Upstate…and the worst luck that soon after, he disappeared into space.

And right now, before you, there was another sort of miracle, a moment that any other person in their life wouldn’t believe to be happening.

As Professor Hulk stood before you, there was a quirk, just like when you first encountered Hulk in his de-Hulking stage. You’re not sure how it happened, but with a ripple of skin, the shifting of his skeleton, and crackling of bone, Professor Hulk was getting smaller, less green, and more -

“I - What happened to me?” he says.

You can’t believe your eyes. Because just where Professor Hulk, a mix of both Bruce Banner and the gamma radiated creature within, was just standing, is now Bruce. Just Bruce. His clothes are too big, and his glasses too, and swimming in his clothes, he looks to you, unsure of what just happened.

“I’m sorry?” you supplement.

Morgan bursts out from the house, her once-teary face transformed into something of pure joy. “You’re Uncle Bruce again!” she cries out, jubilant. “It worked! It worked!”

You blink. “Oh, honey - Morgan, this was a coincidence, not -,”

“It was true love’s kiss!”

[fortunatelylori]

Oh, the Jonsa of it all!

Jonsa is a puzzle. Anyone who has ever started shipping these two at any point in time since about 100.000 years ago when this show started, knows that. It’s all about digging for clues, starring at gifs for unhealthy amounts of time, comparing and dissecting until your brain turns to mush. Not that I’m complaining ... I love that shit. 

But, to be honest, I’ve been wrecking my brain to come up with a cohesive explanation for Jon and Sansa’s reactions to each other in this episode that does not include some sort of romantic subtext and I just can’t avoid adding one. 

That’s because Sansa looks desolate through most of this episode and Jon is taking everything Sansa does extremely personally, even though when you analyze the scenes, you can see that Sansa at no point goes against him. She’s snarky and cold towards D*ny. She challenges Tyrion both in the Great Hall scene and in their one on one scene. And yet it’s Jon that ends up feeling the most hurt by her actions.

Unless we introduce the explanation of the unspoken tension of romantic feelings, I just don’t see why he would be so affected by what she does in this episode as well as feel the need to mention her to third parties. 

For Sansa’s part, while I loved her snarky remarks , it does feel very odd to me that she wouldn’t hide her emotions better and pretend to be on board with D*ny’s presence in her home. Sansa has already danced this dance plenty of times: with Joffrey and Cersei, with Littlefinger and Lysa, as well as with the Knights of the Vale and the Boltons. 

She knows how to play the whole “conceal, don’t fell, don’t let it show” game and yet when faced with D*ny, who would fall for that kind of trick far more easily than Cersei or Littlefinger, she can’t do it. Unless I speculate that Sansa isn’t as in control of her emotions around D*ny because of her romantic feelings for Jon, I can’t really reconcile these reactions with the girl that at 13 managed to keep her feelings in check though out most of her stay in King’s Landing. 

The “Honey, I’m home!” scene: 

There’s a couple of things that make this scene interesting from a Jonsa perspective: 

The first one is that they actually cut the Jon/Sansa reunion differently from the footage we were shown in the teasers: 

(gifs by @stark)

From the scene in the episode and the shots from the teaser, it becomes obvious that they cut out the close-up of Jon’s face as he approaches Sansa. 

They have also cut the medium shot of Jon looking at Sansa when she greats D*ny: 

and replaced it with a shot of just D*ny reacting to Sansa’s frosty reception: 

The question is why? While there might be a host of different explanations having to do with how the scene was set up, blocking or trying to focus in on the emerging conflict between Sansa and D*ny, one thing these exclusions do is that they make Jon and Sansa’s reunion less romantic and far more ambiguous because we don’t get as much access to Jon’s reactions and state of mind.

We don’t see Jon starring at Sansa as he walks into her open arms like a love starved fool. We also don’t get to see that through out the whole of Sansa and D*ny’s interaction, all of Jon’s attention is directly on Sansa and not on the woman he’s spent the last however many weeks having earth shatteringly boring sex with. 

It’s also interesting that they chose not to replace these shots with, let’s say, less romantically charged looks from Jon but rather they just cut them out, which in turn just amps the ambiguity factor, as opposed to put to rest the possible romantic subtext. This plays into the whole of the episode where the choice of not focusing in on Jon’s non-verbal reactions keeps Jon’s POV hidden from the viewer. 

The other interesting thing about this scene is how Sophie Turner chooses to react to greeting Jon as opposed to greeting D*ny. This is how she looks at Jon:

We know from the beginning of the episode that Sansa is not happy. She’s actually downright sad: 

And you can see that same emotion being echoed here as she looks at Jon hugging Bran. However the moment Jon looks at her, she can’t help but smile a little. It’s a shy but warm smile and it makes me feel like perhaps she can’t really help it. It sort of just comes out because, as we know from season 7, despite her frustrations with him, Sansa missed Jon very much. 

It also can’t really be a polite or for show reaction because Sansa ain’t about that life in this episode as we can clearly see by the way she greets D*ny: 

So, in just a few seconds, Sansa has made two things abundantly clear: while she’s apprehensive, she’s genuinely happy to see Jon and she hates D*ny’s guts. 

Which in turn should raise questions. If Sansa’s animosity towards D*ny is strictly political, than surely the same type of animosity would be directed at Jon as well seeing as he’s the one that brought her to Sansa’s home in the first place. 

One thing that I was struck by watching this scene is just how awkward it is. In the Jonsa fandom we have speculated that it was going to be awkward because of the teaser shots of Jon looking at Sansa and them hugging for what felt like an eternity while D*ny looked on from afar. However, since they excluded that shot, the hug itself doesn’t feel that odd. 

However, Jon makes sure to turn this whole simple procedure uncomfortable for seemingly no reason. All he has to do is introduce his sister to the queen: 

Jon: Queen Daenerys of House Targareyen. My sister, Sansa Stark, the Lady of Winterfell. 

Seems simple enough ... why, then, the long pause after saying “Sansa Stark”? Why the bowing of the head and all the fidgeting? 

Since Jon’s POV is hidden, there is no conclusive answer to this. Instead, I propose a little mental exercise: 

Let’s say that you’re in love with someone ... Someone you’re not really supposed to be in love with. Let’s also say that, for whatever reason, you decide to start a relationship with someone else. At some point, these two people in your life are forced to meet and you have to introduce them: 

(gifs by @athimbleful)

How much would you be shitting your pants that your partner is going to figure out you’re in love with your sister/cousin/light of your life/air in your lungs/sole reason for your existence? 

The “Threesome” scene: 

Can I just get “love triangle” for 100, please?

(gifs by @arin-arryn)

Honestly, they’re not even being subtle anymore. This whole scene is blocked as a visual love triangle and this interaction, in particular, is interesting because the whole conversation regarding the dragons diets was sparked by Tyrion. The logical way of setting up this scene would have been for Sansa and D*ny’s shots to be combined with a shot of Tyrion. Instead, we get this medium shot where the focus just shifts between Sansa and D*ny, while Jon sits in the middle trying desperately not to kill himself. 

Another important aspect is Jon’s tense conversation with Lyanna Stark, which starts with Jon instinctively looking at Sansa for whatever reason: 

This has become a bit of a trend with Jon, with the first time he did it being at the end of season 6 when he was proclaimed King in the North. He does it again in this episode in the first scene they have together after Bran “reality check” Stark decides to unload the glorious news of the wall falling and the Night King having a dragon. 

In both of these two scenes, it would have made a lot more sense for Jon to look at D*ny in these tense moments. In the first one because D*ny has just found out that her beloved “child” is now a zombie and also because Jon and D*ny lived through the wight hunt together. 

In the Great Hall scene, romantically, it would make sense for him to look to the woman he loves, seeking emotional support. So I guess, scratch that. Jon is looking in the right direction after all. 

The fact that Sansa refuses to offer him that support and his conversation with Lyanna Mormont: 

Lyanna: Your Grace? But you’re not, are you? You left Winterfell a king and came back a … I’m not sure what you are now. A lord? Nothing at all?

Jon: It’s not important.

leaves Jon momentarily looking like this: 

I’m not a gif-er but there is a subtle change of expression from his “It’s not important” smile to this that has Jon’s eyes going cold really fast. It looks like he’s reeling and angry but he conceals it very quickly. If someone has a gif of this, I’d love to see it. 

This doesn’t get a pay-off here but actually becomes significant later on in the episode as we’ll see in the following two scenes: 

The Jon/Arya reunion or as, I like to call it, the “deadbeat dad” scene

Fun fact: in my Jonsa fic, I actually had Jon mention Sansa in his first private conversation with Arya. The reason why I made that choice was because I wanted to firstly highlight the difference between the way Jon approaches Arya and the way he approaches Sansa and secondly because it’s an easy way of telegraphing to the audience that despite Jon’s outward behavior, Sansa is very much in his thoughts. 

So maybe I’m being biased here but the fact that the writers chose to do the same thing tells me they’re approaching this from a very similar mindset. 

I’m not going to lie. I didn’t particularly like that Jon felt the need to try to gain an ally against Sansa in Arya. It felt as if I was watching a father trying to antagonize his kid against her mother, which is such a low thing to do. 

However, if you judge Jon’s lines within the context of the Great Hall scene, it does change the perception of where Jon is coming from, for me at least. 

Jon: Where were you before? I could have used your help with Sansa. 

Could he have though? I mean, was Sansa really Jon’s biggest problem in the Great Hall scene? Because from where I was standing it was Lyanna Mormont that decided to rip Jon a new one, not Sansa.  Sansa’s conflict was with D*ny, not Jon.

Arya: I’m defending my family. So is she. 

Jon: I’m her family too. 

Aaaaa .... so Jon came out of that meeting completely stepping over the fact that his vassal called him “nothing at all” and proceeded to sulk in front of a heart tree because Sansa gave him a non-supportive look and made no attempt to defend him. That, for whatever reason, was the biggest takeaway from that meeting for him.

A takeaway that plays straight into Jon’s biggest insecurity when it comes to Sansa: that despite everything they’ve been through, despite the cloak she made for him or telling him he’s a Stark to her, she doesn’t truly care for him or consider him part of the pack which leads us to: 

D*ny: Your sister doesn’t like me.

Jon: She doesn’t know you. If it makes you feel any better, she didn’t like me either when we were growing up.

I mentioned in my J0nereys meta that Jon sharing this with D*ny stung when I first heard it in the scene. Of course there’s multiple things going on in this conversation, not least of which that Jon seems to be trying desperately to make sure D*ny doesn’t turn her love of a good emolation on Sansa. 

However, when looking at Jon’s conversation with Arya, doesn’t this line feel like it’s coming from the same place of insecurity for Jon? What else can Jon base his fear that Sansa doesn’t consider him family but on their fraught relationship as children? She’s given him absolutely no reason to believe that since they’ve been reunited. So, rather than this being proof that Jon holds a grudge for baby Sansa, it feels more like he’s resurrected their childhood distant relationship in order to drive himself nuts with worry that she doesn’t care about him anymore. 

Can I get an awwww, everyone? 

There’s also another strange parallel between these two scenes that I want to briefly touch upon. 

In the Jon/Arya scene, Jon says this: 

Arya: She doesn’t like your queen, does she?

Jon: Sansa thinks she’s smarter than everyone. 

Why would Jon say that? We know from season 7 that Jon thinks Sansa is smart so it feels OOC for him to disparage her intellect. Also, if this was him being angry that Sansa was mean to his lady love, why didn’t he burst out into a rant about just how amazing D*ny is and how unfair Sansa’s treatment of her is? 

I think this Jon line is there for two reasons: the first is to signal Jon’s concern that Sansa antagonizing D*ny might result in either Sansa or someone Jon cares about getting hurt and secondly as foreshadowing for someone outplaying Sansa. I don’t want to read “kidnapping plot” into every scene but this line feels pretty ominous to me. 

As does the fact that the creators made a point of including a shot of Alys Karstark in the beginning of the Varys/Davos/Tyrion scene. There was no reason for that to be there unless to establish a future plot point and who else could that plot point be about but Sansa? 

The “what is this fight really about” scene: 

This scene is less than 2 minutes long and there’s so much going on here, that it’s difficult to know where to start. 

So I suppose we should start with the opening shot: 

I find it supremely interesting that for their one on one scene, the writers chose to open it with Sansa reading a scroll. When’s the last time Sansa read a scroll on screen? 

Oh, that’s right! The scene where this happened: 

Littlefinger: I’ve heard gossip that the dragon queen is quite beautiful. 

Sansa: What does that have to do with anything? 

Littlefinger: Jon is young and unmarried. Daenerys is young and unmarried. 

This conversation that Sansa and Littlefinger had in season 7, ends up informing the entire Jon and Sansa scene, even though the point that Littlefinger was trying to make is that because Jon and D*ny would be difficult to defeat together, Sansa should unseat Jon as King and take the crown for herself. 

The whole unseating of Jon by Sansa is never brought up in this conversation. 

Instead, Jon proceeds to unload his anger at Sansa’s lack of enthusiasm for his successful work trip: 

Jon: I brought two armies with me. Two dragons. 

Sansa: And a Tragareyen queen. 

Now, if they didn’t want me to read jealousy in Sansa turning around and flinging the word “queen” at Jon, they could have replaced it with something more neutral, such as: 

Sansa: And no crown. 

Or

Sansa: And a new Southern ruler. 

Or any other number of things. 

However Jon doesn’t understand the distinction so he keeps pushing his “there is only one war that matters” speech: 

Jon: Do you think we can beat the army of the dead without her? I fought them, Sansa. Twice. You want to worry about who holds what title. I’m telling you it doesn’t matter. Without her, we don’t stand a chance. 

Jon might think that the problem of the titles is what’s really bothering Sansa but, considering we’ve already established that this scene is framed around the potential romantic entanglement between Jon and D*ny, I think this face that Sansa makes: 

has more to do with Jon going on about how they’ll all be dead without D*ny and how she might interpret that as Jon being in love with her. Now, looking at Sansa’s face, the pain of that thought is pretty evident. 

Luckily, Jon stops himself before Sansa jumps out a window and instead hits her with: 

Jon: Do you have any faith in me at all? 

Coming back to that scroll, Jon seems to be unaware of the fact that the only thing he’s offered in the form of an explanation for him bending the knee prior to this conversation was: 

Cersei Lannister has pledged her forces to our cause, as has Daenerys Targaryen. And if we survive this war, I have pledged our forces to Daenerys at the rightful Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. We are both coming to organise the defence of the realm.

So his anger at Sansa’s bitterness seems rather misplaced. In normal circumstances, it would be perfectly normal for Sansa to tell him that. Instead we get this: 

It’s official, ladies and gentlemen! Jon Snow has a superpower! And that superpower is called: puppy dog eyes! In this episode, Sansa Stark has faced off against the Mother of Dragons, brushed aside Tyrion Lannister but has been thwarted by Jon’s warm, chocolately gaze and completely forgot why she was pissed off with him in the first place. 

However, Jon being Jon, decides to remind her with this gem: 

Jon: She’ll be a good queen. For all of us. She’s not her father. 

Aside from having a superpower, Jon also has his own version of kryptonite and that’s called: being an utter and complete moron.

As far as defenses of your heart’s desire go, that was one lame ass attempt. However, when you’re a woman in love, it sounds like the end of the world and looks something like this: 

How does Jon respond to this attack on the character of his “beloved”?

Makes sense ... I mean if someone compared the love of my life with a better looking version of Hitler, I’d be giggling too. Which prompts Sansa to finally say what’s on her mind. 

Considering how this episode played out, they could have had Sansa go back to the food question and ask Jon if being a good ruler does perhaps involve figuring out a way to feed your people. Or perhaps challenge him on what D*ny’s credentials are that have led him to believe she’ll be a good queen for all of them. Or perhaps get really personal and remind him that their brother, Robb, died for Northern Independence. 

Instead ...

So while Jon might believe that the loss of title is what’s bothering Sansa, what is keeping the girl up at night is whether or not her “brother” is in love with their new queen. 

From a non-romantic POV, why would she even ask this question? Ultimately, for her, it shouldn’t matter why Jon bent the knee. The result is the same: the North has now pledged to House Targareyen. So why does Sansa want the answer to this question? Why is it important to her? It’s only if you add a romantic motivation to it, that it begins to make sense. 

Also, it’s important to note how the scene ends. In the leaks that came out prior to the premiere, people were saying that Jon and Sansa are interrupted so Jon never gets to answer. 

However, that’s not what happens. No one interrupts this conversation. The creators made the choice to cut it before Jon answers, which means that it’s pretty safe to assume he did say something. We just weren’t privy to it. 

That being said, only two questions remain: 

1. Why do the creators want to play up the ambiguity of Jon’s feelings for D*ny, when we’re assured in all the interviews they’re the great love story of the series? 

and 

2. What does Sansa now know that we do not? 

That’s about it from me, guys. Thank you for reading. 

None of the gifs are mine. Thank you to the content creators!

[ladyhistorypod]

Episode 1: The Pilot Pilot

Sources:

Amelia Earhart

Children’s Museum Indianapolis

NASA

The New Yorker

Time Magazine

History Channel

National Geographic

NBC News

The Night Witches

History Channel

Museum of Flight

History Collection

“The Very Few” – Guardian article

Jackie Cochran

National Aviation Hall of Fame

PBS

Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum

Digital Trends

Further Reading: Jackie Cochran: An Autobiography & Jackie Cochran: Pilot in the Fastest Lane

Click below for the transcript!

Haley: You’re trying to force my wisdom out of me that’s not gonna work well. Lexi: She’s trying to force us to become Chicago improv-ers (Alana laughing) Haley: Yeah Lexi (laughing): This is her dream. Alana’s dream is not to do improv but to be a podcaster like a Chicago improv-er Alana (laughing, quietly): Actually, yeah Haley: It’s so funny cuz she was just like I wrote the script and I was like… script? Lexi: There’s a script? We have a script? Haley: I act now? (Alana laughing) I barely read. (Lexi laughing) Like after that doing the trailer this is gonna be bananas for when I’m – when I’m reading my notes Lexi: Archaeologists don’t read. Archaeologists can’t read. Alana: Archaeologists don’t read. Lexi: We can’t read. Haley: I also realized Lexi just picks like the best sounding… whatever Lexi: The best sounding banter and then I put in the intro music INTRO MUSIC Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History: the good, the bad, and the ugly ladies you missed in history class. I’m here with Lexi. Lexi, what are you reading? Lexi: The instructions on how to turn off this Zoom call because I need to get outta here. (Alana and Haley laughing) Alana: I’m also in the same virtual space as Haley. Haley, what are you eating? Haley: I had some chips and yogurt earlier. Lexi: Together? Alana: Chips and yogurt? Haley: Yeah. That’s like a REAL Persian thing. We can get into that… Oh, the stunned faces, I shouldn’t have– I should’ve lied. (Lexi and Alana laughing) Haley: I should’ve lied okay, I’m eating burgers and fries. I’m eating mac n cheese. Insert whatever. Alana: and I’m Alana and I use 150% of the garlic a recipe calls for. Haley: (making airplane sounds) Lexi:  What sound does an airplane make? Alana (quietly): I don’t even remember Haley: (repeats airplane sound) (Lexi laughing) Alana: You guys it’s been so long since I’ve been on an airplane I don’t even remember what noise airplanes make. Lexi: What’s your favorite airplane food? Alana: My favorite airplane food? Um… sometimes when you fly Southwest they give you Oreos Lexi: What? That’s incredible. Haley: I like bringing my own snacks. Like I’ve gone pro. Like I’ve even brought a thermos with mac and cheese in it that’s like still warm so then I can just like snack on the plane. Alana: How do you get that through security? Haley: It’s food it’s not liquid Alana: What kind of cheese do you have that’s not liquid? Haley: Like mac n cheese is like– Lexi: The cheese isn’t liquid Haley: Yeah Lexi: Unless you’re getting like Kraft fake cheese Haley: No, I do like– Lexi: Can you hear my brother screaming in the background of this banter? Alana: No Haley: Whatever. No like I do like Annie’s white shell mac n cheese in my dino thermos… Haley: No I get stopped almost every time to the point where my parents have made fun of me that I just get stopped so now I'm just… Alana: You’re on some list Haley: They’re gonna look through my bag anyway might as well… Lexi: You probably are on a list. Haley: … be like this is my mac and cheese. Lexi: Your name is the same name as some criminal. Like… (laughing) oopsy poopsies Haley: That’s like my cousin’s name he’s like same terrorist or some terrorist like has the same name as his and he's gotten stopped before one time was like with thirty of us and I was like well. Alana: That happened to my uncle when he was eight. They were going into… they were going into Israel and they stopped him and they were like we're gonna ask him a question like he’s on the same– this terrorist list like it's the same name. Lexi: I was detained at the airport in Israel. Kind of. Alana: Jesus, Lexi what did you do?!. Lexi: So I was with a group, I was coming back from a dig… In case you don't know we're all archaeologists I feel like I've made that joke already. Haley: Oh yeah wait shouldn’t we intro like who we are though. Lexi: Sure. Well. Let me tell my story first. Alana: Haley I'm going to kick you off the podcast. Haley (quietly): No you’re not Lexi: I was getting I was leaving the excavation… And with people from a different school but the most of the people on the dig were from my school but only I was leaving with the people from the other school and so when I got to the airport the nice Israeli woman asked if I was with those people and I said no I'm not with them because I went to a different school but then when they got through they said they were with me and they caught us in our lie and so they detained for three hours. Haley: That's why you got detained?! Lexi: Yes. Haley: I got detained for looking like me and having my name. Lexi: We all have our different qualities. Alana: I have never been detained at an airport. They make me so nervous Haley: Well whoopty freakin’ doo Alana: Hashtag white privilege. My white privilege is I've never been detained at an airport. Oh that's not true I mean it's kind of true but my dad... we were coming back from Costa Rica and they have those like passport they scan your face and they scan your passports on our way back into LA. And my DAD, who, Lexi leave this in so that I can call him out in front of the whole world he made a face at the passport scanning machine and it gave him a big X over his face and I flipped my shit I freaked the fuck out. Haley: I've gotten like five of those Xes. Alana: Cuz like it doesn't match I was so scared everyone else got matched and I was like what is gonna happen? Airports already make me so nervous in general and yes we didn’t like have a flight to catch or anything cuz we were home but like… Lexi: Airports are nerve-wracking. They’re very anxiety-inducing. Alana: So much anxiety… anyway. Lexi:  And the food's always bad. Alana: In airports? Lexi: In the airport, yes. Haley: That's why I bring my own food I bring so many snacks I should honestly have a different pouch for snacks at this point with how many snacks I bring. Lexi: The only thing I consume in airports is Starbucks. Alana: Yeah Starbucks quality tends to like stay normal in airports because it's already like meh… don't leave that in I don't want my Starbucks overlords to come for me. Lexi: These lady pilots didn't get Starbucks. Alana: No they didn't get Starbucks. Who wants to go first? Lexi: Who wants to tell us about a lady? (Dead Air) Alana: I love this dead air. I love that we're not on radio so there's not gonna be any dead air thanks Lexi. Lexi: I might put in dead air. Just to– Just to… Alana: Just to put that in? Lexi: You know what's dead air? (Dead air) Lexi: Do you know what’s dead air? Haley: The route that Amelia Earhart was supposed to fly over. Lexi: I was going to say all of these lady pilots. Alana: Are yours dead? Because I don't think all of mine are dead yet. Lexi: Mine is dead and Haley’s might be dead or might be an alien from space we don't really know. Haley: We get into that. Alana: No but if she’s an alien from space we don't know their like lifespans Haley: Guys, don't steal my thunder I’m gonna get into all that. Lexi: Alright. So are you going first with your– would you like to take the dead air– take the dead air away. Haley: I'll jump right in. So obviously, someone had to cover Amelia Earhart and I'm like a dumbass like I'm just gonna put it out there. I am– I still need some working on in the brain area and when I was little like my brain works in strange ways and you’ll learn about this as we go on with this podcast and even I think you two don't even understand how my brain works exactly but I'll remember things just in the pockets of my brain folds from like when I was a small child. When I was like learning about Amelia Earhart in like the elementary school days for like women's history month I spelled her name as air A-I-R. and heart H-E-A-R-T. And that's– Alana (quietly): Love that for you Haley: Absolutely not how you spell her name. It’s E-A-R-H-R-T. Alana: A-R-T. Haley: A-R-T. Lexi: Still can’t spell it. Haley: Still can’t spell it... (Alana laughing) Haley: While looking at the words on my screen. And I typed it in like my child version way into my Word doc and it wasn't coming out and I was just looking at it like why isn't this working for me. Googled it, got like air heart sign like all this astrology stuff like not Amelia so I just typed in airheart because I was on a roll with myself. Regardless, her nickname is Lady Lindy so I’m gonna call her Lady Lindy for this, because it’s Lady History I can’t not. So I wanna preface this that I– because with work and finishing up a summer course I had like about a day and a half to write these notes. And all my sources are decent like they're not– I didn't have time to like read a whole book of hers like she has many biographies and such and like different documentaries. But I used like children's museums, NASA, the New Yorker, History Channel, National Geographic so nothing out of the ordinary of good research. But there are so many conflicting dates and information that I almost thought I was being punked somehow. So there might be loopholes where you’re like “Haley, you have to be a decent researcher and fill this in” and I'm just leaving it out because I don't want to say anything completely wrong so I'm using like the facts that came up on like at least three of the sites. Nothing from Wikipedia is going to be on here I'll leave that one be. I’ll mention Wikipedia at one point but like it wasn't a hardcore source. Well, for Lady Lindy born in Kansas on July 24th 1894 planes were not yet invented for her flying needs yet and I'm gonna make a preface because I was looking at– I love looking at like the blogs people write because for Amelia Earhart there are just so many enthusiasts, so many people still blogging about her. Lexi: Conspiracy theorists. Haley: Don't worry I got you covered we're gonna go into three different like theories about her death and everything. Alana: I think I saw that on Buzzfeed Unsolved. (Lexi laughing) Alana: They do Amelia Earhart on Buzzfeed Unsolved. Haley: It's truly everywhere I don't know– I can't remember what it's from, but I kind of have to do like a step back and just think if this person knew what type of plane she was flying and not like a mega Delta or like Alaska plane like this was like an old plane that could only go like a few hundred feet off the ground. So I just wanna like bring that up here from the beginning like these aren't gonna be the planes that we were just talking about that we hop on to go visit each other. Because like there are some bloggers where I’m like you know some of the conspiracy stuff but the actual facts? This is– this is not good. No bueno. She first saw a plane at a state fair when she was about ten years old, but didn't start flying for like another ten-ish years around like 1920-1921. Alana: I don't think they let ten year olds fly. (Lexi laughing) Haley: Yeah absolutely not, but she was very fascinated from like that point that was like she was the plane girl. You know how we have horse girls? She was plane girl. (Lexi laughing) Haley: When she was able to start flying in like 1920/1921 she was the sixteenth woman to receive a pilot's license… so like wow well done. So she's not known for being like the first pilot which I saw often. People are like this is the first female pilot. No. Like because once you have your pilot’s license you're a pilot in like my book. And I guess like you could be just a female and just be like this is my plane now I'm gonna press the button and go zoom. Lexi: Do you need a license to be a pilot? Like if I’m in a plane and I’m flying it, aren’t I a pilot? Alana (quietly): Oh my god. Haley: So, she's training a lot and she's really into it and her popularity keeps growing because she just keeps trying to get into different organizations especially for female flyers. And on June 17th 1928, she departed from Newfoundland. (And let me just do a preface to the universe if I do not pronounce something right, kindly call me out on it) Which is a large island off of, like, off the North Americas near Canada so up north from us with pilots Bill and Slim. Those are their nicknames, but it's Wilmer Schultz and Louis Gordon. So she was with Bill and Slim. There she became the first woman to fly across the Atlantic and she later, like right after, soon after became the first woman and second person to fly across the Atlantic alone. Lexi: Alone. Haley: Alone. So I couldn't find any definitive research but for her– the flight that she's known for like going around the globe which, I will absolutely talk about, I don't know what alone means for these planes because when she went around the world she was with another guy. Like she was a pilot but then there'd be a navigator so theoretically there are two people. Lexi: I think it’s without a co pilot so you don't get a break. Haley: Yeah. Lexi: I think when– based on my lady who we’ll get into I think anything that says solo it doesn't mean no one else was in the plane– it might mean that but it means no one else piloted while you were piloting. Like you didn’t go take a nap. Haley: Yeah so like when we say alone, at least for Lexi and my human, there is usually a navigator so it's not her just chilling out in the plane. Lexi: Cuz they didn't have the fancy machines. Haley: Exactly. And her navigators are predominantly male. Or at least the two that they talked to. Lexi: Juicy. Haley: Yeah so it's not like a full on lady ship flying through the air. Lexi: Lady ship flying through the air! Haley: After this flight especially where she flies across on her own, she's just mega popular. This is where her name really becomes a household name, she probably gets the nicknames Lady Lindy, she calls herself A. E. as her own nickname. And I'm gonna just go on my own little tangent of some of the cool things and like… just tidbits about her that I found out from honestly the Children’s Museum of Indianapolis which I was like… alright here we go. The first thing is when I found out that there is the navigator I didn't realize what the navigator was. I thought like what Lexi said like it's the copilot but no. So she had to stay awake for all these trips. And I was like wait how did you do that because like I can't do that I really thought the navigator was a co pilot and you just get kind of like the… for academic papers you have the co authors but there's like the first author and the second author and you usually remember the first guy's name. But no she's flying the whole time. She didn't like coffee or tea like any like those caffeinated drinks. So she would use smelling salts to stay awake. They still have like one of the like little tiny glass bottles of smelling salts in their collection and I'm like… okay. That like creeps me out I feel like that's a little sketchy but like and probably not healthy but I'm not a medical professional so I'm not gonna give you advice. Alana: Cocaine! (Lexi laughing) Haley: That's the thing I tried seeing like they were– in the collection and just like with what I was saying smelling salts, it didn't say what the smelling salts were… and I wanna know what it is. Lexi: Yeah, you know like when a lady faints when a lady... a lady faints you give her the smelling salts. Haley: Like 1930s smelling salts has to be mixed with something weird because we were still in the place like Coke still had cocaine. Alana: Laced with cocaine!! Haley: Okay yeah and then– Alana: I mean, we're not a hundred percent sure that it's cocaine. Lexi: That was just– yeah. Alana: That's just us being funny I don't wanna get sued. We don't know that it's cocaine! Haley: I love that now we have to preface that we're just crazy people. So the other thing that I found that this was kind of like “Oh, I should have known this” or like “this makes sense” is that you know how she has like the iconic goggles and leather cap? She hated those things. At least the goggles, she hated wearing them that's why most of the pictures she's not wearing them and it's like our drawings, depictions us reproducing something of Amelia Earhart has the goggles. But she would put them on right before the runway and then take them off immediately at landing because like you had to wear them with the dinky planes that they had. But she still was like I'm not about it. But however what she did like was just fashion in general. She did even have like she went on to create like her own clothing line that was actually advertised in Vogue, and I'm trying to find like a copy of it. I’ll keep you all updated but yes she was part of the international organization of women's pilots. I think she even like helped create it, but it's called the Ninety Nine and it's a non profit that provided networking, mentoring, and flight scholarships or opportunities for other women and out of this they kind of have like their own like clothing line for pilots because obviously it was a male profession, for the most part. She was like the sixteenth person to get a flying license. So they kind of like created their own uniform and had their own uniform to sell. Vogue picked it up and I thought that was also really cool because she's predominantly known for flying solo across the Atlantic and attempting going around the globe which she dies in. Like she– all the things like if you just see like or at least what I did for my Google search just typing in her name all the first things will say like her death something about her death which I'm actually gonna go into right now. So her flight was in a Lockheed Electra 10 E., and her navigator was Fred Noonan. No idea, I had no idea this was a thing. She had a navigator so she wasn't alone in this. And this was their second time attempting, or at least Amelia’s second time attempting. The first time she tried taking off from California but crashed into Honolulu. This was gonna be like even longer. I think there's like one guy who did this before… I have his name even. Wiley Post had flown around the world in seven days and he was like the first aviator to accomplish this. So she was going to be like the second person but the first woman to do this and hers was gonna be even longer because she was predominantly gonna take the equator and just like go around the equator… belly of the Earth. But she didn't make it. They lost contact around like July 2nd. I think she had like seven thousand miles left. Like she was like almost there like they had like she was on this journey for a while and then there was a day of just them not having contact and this is where we also get this whole story on like what the line of events whatever that saying is… the happenings of her life get a little hairy. Like this is where like Nat Geo had one thing to say, Time magazine had another, a quick YouTube from like a documentary had like the third thing to say. But basically on July 2nd she lost contact. We really don't know what happened after that. It's not like the last contact is “we're headed for the Pacific Ocean.” So that has opened up to years and ongoing research like still happening research on what happened to her. I made an arbitrary list for these three conspiracy theories on most likely to least likely. Most likely is that she just crashed into the Pacific Ocean and the plane’s somewhere at the bottom of the ocean. Like we're not gonna find it. If the people going back to the Pacific Ocean to try to find her they have– like you have to recognize, one, the ocean is so deep like we have not really gotten to the bottom of the ocean yet and two with just the waves and how this plane could have crashed, it could have moved thousands of miles in any sort of direction. So when I was kind of like reading some of these searches and like are you giving enough like leeway? Like us knowing like archaeology and stuff like with the radar and like all the things trying to find something it might not be there. I think we all know this. You look at these maps, we see a fuzzy dot, it might not be what we're looking for. So like a lot of these people are like oh I saw this dot on this one map, or like this shadow… I'm gonna go look there and it's like no don't do that. That's like all the enthusiasts. I already said she had trouble communicating, but we do have like radio logs and it seems that they were near an island but they couldn't see it and that they were running low on gas. So that's why I think like okay if you can't see an island and you're running low on gas and you're having like radio problems there's probably another thing happening with the plane. Like that always has like a chain reaction like nothing is just gonna be like one little blip it's just gonna all explode in your face like a big cherry pie. That's also… so that's like the first thing is just clear cut fell into the Pacific Ocean. The second one, I'm gonna butcher this– this Nikumaroro castaway. So both the places I'm gonna talk about in this next, like, little conspiracy theory are in the Pacific Ocean. So this investigation comes from the– or mainly comes from the international group for historic aircraft recovery. So they think that Earhart and Noonan landed their plane on one of these islands when they couldn't find Howland Island. So, like, just imagine in the Pacific Ocean a cluster of islands close enough that– I guess you can– if you can't fly to one you can fly to the other. I'm not a hundred percent sure how it all works out. I am not a pilot, but on, like, Google Maps when I tried to find these things. They're not, like, super close together, but I guess they're close enough in pilot speak? I don't know. We could do a whole series on just Amelia Earhart honestly with all her conspiracy theories. Because like one person was like maybe it's not this island it's another island this exact same story but on a different island in the Pacific Ocean it's like sure. But these guys think they had actually like they were cooking with gas, because they think they found bits of the plane. So they said that this island had to have been on like a low tide so making it slightly bigger and allowing this like reef along like the surface to be exposed and the reef must've been like in a good enough space, area, whatever you must have to land the plane. So they think she was able to send some radio transmission, but the plane was largely intact as they were landing on this; it wasn't like a complete crash landing. They think she survived at least until like the radio cut off because they think like when the radio cut off like she was still– like there's something that made them think “oh, the radio didn't cut off because she was dead,” and like the radio was continuing to transmit but no one was answering. They think she just like her and Noonan would probably just like deplane the plane, as this was an aluminium plane, it was really hot. Like outside, even going through the air so like landing they probably just like walked away… got more on the island to see the sights, see where they were that they were just crash landed in this area. They also noted that this island was colonized by the British Empire very soon after her plane must have gone down so we're gonna say around I think it was like 1938 to 1940 where the British colonized, and we know how colonizers are. Not swell. And colonists were reported finding airplane parts, which could have possibly come from her plane. Like they’re airplane parts from that time period and in 1940, Gerald Gallagher, the colonial administrator, discovered thirteen bones buried near the remains of a… I wrote “vampire”...  Okay no sorry. He found thirteen bones like in this secluded area near the shore and the remnants of two shoes– a man's and a woman's– as well as a box that once held a sextant and that is the tool that kind of looks like a kaleidoscope thing that you can measure like angular distances… I’m using my hand but obviously with a podcast you can't see it, Google it, they’re cool. All the bones were shipped off to Fiji where they were measured and apparently those bones were lost. We can't go back– like I worked for a forensic anthropologist once upon a time, so like that wouldn’t make it to me like I couldn’t just be like “Hey let's get these bones now” and with that so the bones must've been like you can use a foot bone and like measure and get stature. I couldn't figure out like I couldn't find anywhere like I wanted to see like what type of bones because theoretically you could use your little tiny bones like the metatarsals and stuff but really you want to use like your femur or humerus like one of your long bones because when you measure it you can say like how long your arm was, how long your whole body was. And that's how you get like stature and you can also see from those bones better how old a person was from like when you're born your bones are a bunch of bones, like they're not fully intact and as you get older your bones kind of callous over and also as you get older and older and older your bones show the wear and tear of it. Lexi: Also if her or Noonan had any specific childhood injuries… Haley: Exactly so yeah even though it's like thirteen bones, thirteen bones can still tell you, but the type of bone– like you can learn way more from a femur, broken, again let's use like the tarsals… like a broken tarsal. A broken femur versus a broken tarsal I'm gonna go for the femur. Alana: That's a leg bone versus a toe bone. Haley: Yeah, sorry. Alana: We're gonna probably end up being a little bit elitist about our… about our knowledge because we’re archaeologists but we're gonna do our best! We're gonna try not to! Haley: Okay, so imagine having your big leg bone and like a tiny foot bone. You're gonna want the big leg bone because that'll give you more surface to just analyze everything and that's basically when teaching, and Lexi took that class too, when learning how to do the precise measurements they're using the longer– long bones. I also love how they just like in a lot of them where it’s like they're lost they didn't say how they were lost, where they were lost, because they could have been lost in Fiji, coming back to the site, going to another like place to be measured and analyzed. Also I want to know like I guess this is like the 1940s if they were gonna do any like soil testing or like what they did. Lexi: They gave those bones a good Christian burial and called it quits. Haley: I– I wanna know so much. I wanna know so much because like hopefully it would be like different now, but I don't– actually I don't think so. Things still happen in the archaeology world. The researchers that did take the measurements said that it could have come from a woman of Amelia Earhart's size and build, but I wanna know if they thought like all thirteen were female or male bones because male and female bones are different. That's not like– it's like I hate when everyone says like “we're all the same on the inside” and it's like your bones are so unique… like yes on the inside we all have bones and organs but like– Alana: Haley, this is our first episode, you’re gonna get us canceled. Haley: Okay fine. We're all the same on the inside. We all have bones. (Alana laughing) Lexi: Haley’s a… scientist. Alana: She’s a scientist. Haley: No we’re all– Lexi: She’s not a TERF, just so everyone knows. She’s just talking about bones. Haley: I’m just talking about bones, I'm not a turd. I’m just talking about the bones. Lexi: I said TERF not turd, but okay! Alana: Same thing! Same thing! Haley: Okay. So. Scientifically I– I don’t know where this came from– the researcher just saying that– Alana, laughing: Wait, wait. I think Lexi and I need a sec to recover. (Lexi and Alana laughing) Lexi: Okay go ahead. Haley: Now people what the enthusiasts really took that to mean was “That’s Amelia!” but no. Like they didn’t have– and now they’re lost so there’s no way of doing DNA, and like I’m sure we don’t have anything to like, compare. Because for DNA, you can take DNA from something, but you need another sample to compare it to. Same with bones like X-rays? If like Amelia Earhart had an X-ray or like what Lexi said earlier, a noted childhood injury, then yeah. Sure. That is like more definitive but right now they were basing it off measurements. Also saying like yes this is a Caucasian woman's bone which… unless you really had, like, the face is… It's still very iffy very like… just a whole can of worms. They're basically saying this could be the size of Amelia Earhart which was an average sized woman. Another expedition later in the eighties, so now we're jumping like a bunch of years. They said like they found a bunch of artifacts from the 1930s… again, colonizers were going in. So them saying like “oh we found white people things on this like island in the Pacific from the 1930s” is kind of like, I'm rolling my eyes a little bit. There are currently doing excavations with dogs, and this one guy, his name's Fred, he’s an archaeologist with National Geographic Society said “No other technology is more sophisticated than the dogs.” They have a higher rate of success identifying things in the ground like than ground penetrating radar. He also said that these like dogs can sniff remains as deep as nine feet down and as old as a thousand five hundred years. Lexi: For real?! Haley: Yeah. Alana: Oh my god. We should get some of them on Dún Ailinne. Lexi: Let’s get some dig dogs! Alana: Dig dogs! Yeah. Lexi: Let’s go… get some dig dogs. Haley: I really hope it's like the hounds with the long ears like from Fox and the Hound. They have the sniffer noses. But I don't know. So that's where it got– that second conspiracy kind of ends. No more real updates. The last one is the one that's like it's not that it's not bananas, but it's bananas at the same time. (Alana laughing) Haley: I didn't know this one. I knew about the bones on like the random island, and I knew about her just like taking a dive into the Pacific. This is her landing on Marshall Island and it's somewhat– some people call it the Marshall Island Conspiracy. So instead of continuing on their path and looking for that island in the Pacific, they went north to a Japanese controlled island. And then they were taken hostage by the Japanese. And presumably if they were taken hostage by the Japanese they were thought to be U. S. spies and Lexi’s face is already like “what is happening” no Lexi this gets even wilder. Lexi: I thought “wacky” meant aliens but this is even wackier. (Alana laughing) Haley: We get to a point where it's kind of like spooky aliens. The conspiracy is on the basis that she landed in Japan and she was either taken hostage in Japan or just like they live their lives in Japan. I don't know why not being like “Hey I'm Amelia Earhart” but PTSD and like… that stuff is a thing. So, sure. Now we split off into one group saying if they are with the hostages or they had to like crash land they were killed or eventually killed. Another theory is that she made it back to the U. S. under an assumed name. So Amelia turned into Irene Craigmile and then married a guy named Guy Bolan and died in New Jersey in 1982. Guys. I. This gal Irene has her own Wikipedia page. I told you Wikipedia was gonna come into this. Lexi: What does she think about this? Haley: So she– there was even like a lawsuit for her; saying that she wasn't Amelia– you can all look at this Wikipedia page. It has a picture of her and people are like “she looks like an older Amelia.” And yeah, sure they have some resemblance but like… people can look like each other. And like she would also like– my quick read of this was that she was saying she's not Amelia Earhart. On her Wikipedia they have like her parents’ names, where she was born… And like there is a lawsuit for one point five million million dollars because she was like– I believe she was screaming at the top of her lungs “I'm not Amelia” and like this is like damaging to her reputation and she came up when I like tried looking at like if I could obtain some of her biographies or documentaries easily enough her name came up in those. Like she's truly– people truly think she was Amelia Earhart and got back to the US. So another guy– so this is going like off this– he was a retired Air Force colonel from Hawaii and he is quoted saying if she couldn't find Howland plan B was to cut off communication and head for the Marshall Islands and ditch her plane there. And this is around like 2003, so we already had like the past conspiracy theory where they found their bones and like they found plane parts. So this is a totally different island so who's right there? I don’t know. We still don't know. And one enthusiast named Dick Spink– yes that is his name– ran with this quote and started collecting stories from people on the Marshall Islands just to be like “did this girl show up” like what happened to this girl. And we've gotten quotes like she landed at Nellie... our uncles, aunts, our parents, and our grandparents knew that she landed there. People are saying she was here and he even spent like his own money. He spent like fifty thousand dollars to get proof of this and I watched like a clip of the documentary and this was from the History Channel and I believe you can find… I saw that you could pay for it and maybe it's on YouTube, but it's a documentary, Amelia Earhart: The Lost Evidence came out in 2017. There's like a pre-World War Two archival photo and they've circled like a girl that looks like Amelia Earhart and they’re like “this is Amelia” what I like to think like this could potentially be Amelia Earhart and like Noonan. I think yeah they kind of look like them but it's like it's not a photo that we take with our phone. It is a old photo that's like very blurry and sepia tone. TBH, doesn't fly with me but it's just hysterical to me honestly that people are like “that’s Amelia.” People saying “oh yeah she was at our island” and a lot of evidence is very unclear where I don't even wanna like bring it up because I just it's not the cost of well this is not not sometimes nonsense like one person was like “Amelia Earhart’s still alive” and it's like…  no she's definitely dead she’d be like I think 117 by now? It's been eighty years since the supposed crash. This theory specifically I think that is truly divided but not many responses are coming from academics. I just like I notice out of all the theories it's this theory that has the least academics and the most enthusiasts so… Alana: That doesn't usually bode well. Haley: She was declared dead after two years of her disappearance. So people like have said she's died and it's in like so it would be 1939 I believe it was like January first or January second just how the law works. And her husband, George Putnam, who’s an author, publisher, and explorer– or was he died. And she wrote to him “Please know I am quite aware of the hazards. I want to do it because I want to do it. Women must try to do things as men have tried. When they fail their failure must be a challenge to others.” Which… is true. So many people wanted to be Amelia and like she’s still an icon in lady history like we're doing it right now. So I actually saw a really cool like a Covid mask with her face on it and like a airplane which I thought was nifty. Lexi: I love the conspiracies man that was really… Alana: Love the conspiracies. I definitely heard about that on Buzzfeed Unsolved that the bones are missing which I didn’t know. Haley: That like once the bones are missing I was like well… and I did see like people being like “let's test the–” like “if only the bones weren’t lost you could test the DNA!” Look at all like that shady parts of like bone history where it's like we can look at the face and it's like no they just had thirteen bones like face isn’t just one bone that they'd be counting as separate bones and the other stuff where like yes she landed in the Pacific Ocean. Not much is coming from Noonan though, her navigator. It's all about her which is pretty cool honestly for a lady podcast. Who’s up next? Alana: I'll go next because talking about the Night Witches, Night Witches. Just kidding, we don't, that's I. P. don't sue us. The Night Witches were an all female air regiment in World War Two in the… in Russia in the Soviet Union which I learned in my research that Russians call it The Great Patriotic War so that’s something fun Lexi: Okay. Alright. Okay. That’s juicy. Alana: That’s juicy. So this all female air regiment was started by a woman named Marina Raskova or the Soviet Amelia Earhart. That's like her fun little nickname. I did learn about this story from Drunk History. So obviously since we're gonna be talking about the Soviet Union during World War Two I just want to say: Stalin is a bad dude. The only good thing that Stalin ever did was fight Nazis. And that's like that one Onion it's like the Onion or some other like comedy news article and the headline just said “oh no the worst person you know just made a good point.” Lexi: Mm. Yes. Alana: That's how I feel about Stalin. There’s a Guardian article that I'll get to a little bit later and it interviews some of these Night Witches and they call Nazis fascists and I'm like oh honey I got some bad news for you. I got some bad news for you. Haley: Wait hold up so you're saying like... Alana: I’m saying that Stalin is a fascist. Haley: No no I know but like he didn't like he said a no no to the Nazis, so like the people who are like “Nazis are chill” you're worse than Stalin is that really where you want to like, the hill you want to die on? Is being worse than Stalin? Lexi: That's what she said? I don’t think that’s what she said. Alana: I don’t think that’s what I said. Lexi: I think she just said the Night Witches don't like fascists, but the guy they loved was a fascist. Alana: Was also a fascist. Haley: I thought you were going– my brain just went straight to… from Stalin not liking Nazis to these girls potentially not liking Nazis and I had to be like hold up. Are you saying they’re like worse than– Lexi: I don't think, I don't think Stalin liked Nazis and I don't think these women liked Nazis. Haley: People shouldn’t like Nazis. Alana: We’re gonna go on the record, we're gonna say people shouldn't like Nazis. So, I did learn about the story from Drunk History season six episode fourteen, I'm gonna reference that a couple times, the storyteller is Jess McKenna and it's very funny but that's it because they're not sponsoring us. So the Night Witches were started by Marina Raskova. She was a navigator in the Red Army so like we were saying there's someone in the plane who like tells you where to go and what to do but who isn't flying for realsies and that was what Marina did and we are on a first name basis because we're tight, we're best friends and she definitely one hundred percent has not been dead since 1943. That's just we're just tight we’re close me and her ghost. Not– just kidding. So women were barred from combat in the Red Army and for a lot of modern history. Haley: Go over what the Red Army is. Alana: The Red Army is what the army was called in the USSR that's like what they call their army was the Red Army because communism. And so the women were really only allowed slowly into the army because Russia was taking devastating, crushing, horrible losses. And Marina was getting letters from civilian women who wanted to help and they were like “Marina you're so cool you're amazing because you're fighting and we wish that we could fight” because they are losing their husbands their fathers their brothers their sons. So she goes to Stalin and says “Hey, Joseph can I… I’m like, here can I please start some all female air regiments… maybe.” And Stalin says yes. One of the articles I read implied that he maybe only said yes because he was attracted to her and, yeah, that article was written by a man. But she gets this dispensation and she gets all of these women to come in and be pilots. But now that they're in the army they're facing some sexism as is kind of to be expected tragically, tragically to be expected. They're facing sexual harassment which I mean it's still a problem in the year 2020, like nothing changes. It should but it doesn't. But more systemically they have the worst they just have bad equipment. They're getting hand me down uniforms from male soldiers that are way too big so they're like stuffing boots with socks and like everything is super baggy. But let's talk about their planes because that's what we're here for the planes, we’re here for pilots. They're flying training planes. Polikarpov PO-2 biplanes. They’re twenty years old. They’re crop dusters. They have no cockpit protection and they can't go high enough, which you wouldn't want them to because they don't have any cockpit protection. They have to fly at night because they can't go high enough to be out of view. And also, news flash, this is something fun that people might not know, this is just a fun fact. Fun fact: Russia is cold. Lexi: I had no idea. Alana: Yeah so these women are getting frostbite. And if you touch the plane it's like so cold that it'll burn your hand. You know what I mean? Haley: So like, opposite of Amelia's problem. Alana: Yeah, opposite of Amelia’s problem, exactly. So they’re just like the worst planes ever and they don’t go that high. Like normal equipment radar, radio, fucking parachutes are too heavy for these horrible planes, so they don't have parachutes until 1943. And they can only carry two bombs, each plane can only carry two bombs at a time and they have one under each wing. And so they're going back and forth from their little safety where they store the bombs they're going back to safety and then across enemy lines. And they're dropping bombs and they’re coming back and get more bombs they're going back and just like back and forth back and forth eighteen times a night. But these women are so dope and so good at everything that this is how they get the name Night Witches. It comes from the German Nacht Hexen which means night witches and the planes are too small and too quiet to show up on radar or sonar. But the sound of them coming sounds like a sweeping. (Lexi and Haley make general noises of understanding) Alana: So it’s like… their planes are brooms, women are riding them... they’re witches. Haley: Right. Alana: But these slow planes end up being kind of a blessing or like a silver lining, sort of, because the fast planes can't go slow enough to shoot them down. Because aerodynamics. Period. Like, that's why big planes need big long runways because they gotta build up enough speed so they don't fall out of the sky. But these slow planes can’t go fast, obviously, duh. News flash, fun fact: slow planes can't go fast. Fast planes can't go slow. and so it's super difficult for them to like– for the Nazi planes to attack the Night Witches’ planes because they can't like keep pace with them, even though they're slower. This 588th air regiment, which is the Night Witches, they're so badass and they're so prolific and they're killing so many Nazis that anyone who shoots down a Night Witch gets the Iron Cross which is the highest honor in the Nazi army. All you gotta do is shoot one down and you get the Iron Cross so– Haley: That’s like zero to sixty right there. Alana: It's zero to sixty. So we're gonna talk about real fast just like the women themselves besides how dope and cool they are. They have twelve commandments, and the first one is “be proud that you are a woman.” I cannot find the other eleven. I have no idea what the other eleven are. Lexi: Do the other ones matter if the first one’s that good. Alana: I guess not. This is the gender divide in my sources as well, as the ones that men wrote were like “look they're doing all this all these like womanly things” like they would embroider and wear eyeliner and that kind of fun stuff. But women like Marina, who would look at them and who wrote that and would say be proud that you're a woman because you're doing this crazy stuff you're killing all these Nazis and you're also doing it as a woman so you’re double the badass. It's like they said that Grace Kelly could do anything Fred Astaire could do but backwards and in high heels. Have you heard that before? Haley: No, I haven't heard that one. Alana: That's- it's how awesome Grace Kelly was. Haley: Ok. Alana: Like she was Fred Astaire, but better. Haley: I love it. Alana: One of the… I'm gonna talk about Raisa Surnachevskaya who flew while she was four months pregnant. She was up in a plane, shooting down Nazis, four months pregnant. So that’s pretty dope. Haley: Alrighty then. Alana: And there was this camaraderie between these women especially Raisa Surnachevskaya (as I said) and Tamara Pamyatnykh and in this Guardian article from 2001 which is very, it’s so from 2001. Tamara is reminiscing about it and how she took out two bombers before being shot down and she's worried that she hadn't done enough that night and is so wo– like she is remembering looking down from the ground thinking that she left Raisa, her “wingman”– her words– her wingman all alone in the sky to fight Nazis and that was very moving to me. I would be worried if I left either of you up in the sky to fight Nazis I’d feel bad too. (Lexi and Haley laughing) Alana: I would. The author of that made a point to say, like he's praising these women and then he's like “today's tw–” because they were young, like young women going to fight and he’s like “today's twenty one year olds wear nightclub clothes to work” and I was like did you really have to do that. Lexi: K. bro. Alana: Okay, brah. I was like did- did a woman write this. No, a woman did not write it and I was like hmm. Lexi: [sarcasm audible] And there definitely aren't women in the military in any country in. Alana: In any country in the world. Lexi: There definitely aren't. Anywhere. Alana: All men. Lexi: Yeah, they’re all men now since there is no big war. Alana: [laughs] Since there’s no big war. Lexi: Since big war over women go home back house. Alana: [laughing] Um... Lexi: Wear night club clothes work. Alana: Oh - Yeah wear nightclub clothes work. So just some statistics there are four hundred women in the 588th night bomber regiment. They flew thirty thousand missions and dropped twenty three thousand tons of bombs and they were the most decorated unit in the Red Army and here's where- do you guys wanna like real fast guess how this story ends. Lexi: They were decommissioned when the war ended. Alana: They were disbanded six months after World War Two ended. Haley: There we go. Alana: And they were not allowed in the victory parades because- Haley: Yup. Alana: - their planes were too slow. Haley: That tracks. Lexi: Yup, that makes sense. Alana: So that's fun. Lexi: Big war over, go back house. Alana: [laughs] War over, go back house. And they didn't and then the USSR like collapsed and one of the women who is living in like Latvia I think is not allowed to wear her, her like military medals because of how– Lexi: Oh because she’s a veteran of the USSR but then they left the USSR. Alana: Because she's not a citizen of Latvia and she’s not a citizen of the USSR. Like she's a citizen of the USSR. Lexi: Right. Alana It is really tragic to read about. And this guy was like twenty one year olds today wear nightclub clothes to work. I'm like well some of them work at nightclubs so shut up. Um and that made me real, real mad. To read that article. But it’s important. Lexi: But you learned about the cool women. Even if it was- Alana: I did learn about the cool women and I learned about how much they liked each other. Uh it made me feel really good. That they were like, yeah. Lexi: Sisterhood. Alana: Women supporting women. Lexi: The sisterhood of the flying - Haley: pants. Lexi: brooms. The flying pants. Alana: The flying pants. The sisterhood of the shitty airplane. Lexi: [laughs] Yes! The sisterhood of the shitty airplane. Haley: The little airplane that could. Alana: Little airplane that could, exactly. Lexi: That would make a great anime. Alana: That would make a great anime. Haley: Right Lex you wanna roll us of or Alana do you have more of your story? Alana: No I'm good. Lexi: So the reason that I knew that the story of your, your group of women ended with them being decommissioned is because I have the American equivalent story to your story. Alana: Gasp Haley: We just went full circle. Lexi: Let me tell ya. Alana: Full circle we did it. We did segues you guys. Lexi: We did it. So did you guys know that before there was ever a man on the moon there was a woman who wanted to go to space. Alana: That makes sense. Haley: That tracks. Alana: I did not know that but that makes sense. Lexi: I'm gonna tell you her story. Jacquelyn Cochran was born with the name Bessie Lee Pittman in nineteen 1906 in Pensacola, Florida which is one of my favorite city names to say so I'm very happy that's where she was born I find Pensacola to be a very funny word and she was the youngest of five children. Her father worked as a millwright so they traveled around Florida he built mills to mill things and later in life Jackie would claim that she was adopted and raised in poverty but in reality this was her biological family and while they weren't rich they lived a pretty average life and there was always food on the table and they always had like what they needed to survive a very average life for people in the early nineteen hundreds and in 1920 when she was just fourteen she married Robert Cochran who was how she got the Cochran name and the couple had one child who was named Jack and he died really young so when Jackie decided to leave Robert she adopted the name Jacqueline Cochran so she kept her married name and she used the name Jacqueline to honor her son who passed away really on. And she left Robert because she was like not about being a young wife and she moved to New York City where she was able to land a job working at Saks Fifth Avenue which at the time was like the thing to do department stores were brand new. Haley: Oh yeah. Lexi:. . . like it was awesome to be there and she became a hairdresser and stylist and she was doing cosmetic work at Saks Fifth Avenue which at the time was like the glamorous job and. . . Haley: This is giving me some Marvelous Mrs Maisel vibes. Lexi: Yeah exactly. Alana: I was just gonna say that. Lexi: Like if you were a young hot woman this was the job for you so um, while she was working in New York, Jackie met the man who would become her second husband Floyd Bostwick Odlum and Floyd was a CEO. He was at the time one of the richest man in the world -like- some sources say he was in the top ten richest man and he offered to help her start a beauty business under her own name and she was like that's a great idea I love beauty stuff but at the time he was still married to another woman so they had to put a hold on that project until he can get a divorce. Also while working in New York Jackie became enamored with aviation and she saw a plane and her friend was like do you want to go in the plane I'll put you on the plane and so she started taking flying lessons in the 1930s at Roosevelt airfield which is located on Long Island so super close to where she was working in New York. She started to fly and she earned her commercial pilot's license with just two years of flight experience and you do have to log a lot of hours to get your commercial pilot's license so she must've flown a lot in those two years. And in 1936 Floyd finally left his poo poo first wife and married Jackie and they founded a cosmetics line and because of her new found obsession with flight they called the cosmetics line Wings to Beauty. Haley: I love that. Lexi: Hoping to capitalize on Jackie's unique position as a female aviator Jackie went on a promotional tour and she flew across the country to promote her new beauty products and since it was a -like- airplane themed thing they thought you know that'll be that'll be cool. Alana: Winged eyeliner. Lexi: Yeah and because her husband- Alana: We’ve come full circle. Lexi: I know, I know. And as her husband was so influential and stuff he was even able to get celebrities like Marilyn Monroe to like wear her lipstick to like promote it. So you would think this is just some cute girl who has a plane, a cute rich girl with planes and cosmetics but the truth is Jackie was a badass. Haley: Of course. Alana: I already thought she was a badass. She truly contains multitudes. Lexi: She does. So while she was like an icon of the beauty industry what truly makes her story so interesting is this dichotomy that not only was she like a beauty icon and an aviator but she was like one of the best pilots of all time. In 1937 Jackie set the world's women speed record in flight so she flew the fastest a woman had ever flown in a plane in 1937 that same year Jackie was the only woman to compete in the Bendix race, Bendix race I might be saying that wrong but it was a famous race for planes, plane racing the competitors flew from Burbank to Cleveland nonstop and the fastest time was the winner. She was not the first woman ever to fly the Bendix Ameila Earhart actually flew it two years earlier but the difference is Amelia got fifth place when she flew in 1935, the second year Jackie flew which is 1938 she won. She was the fastest person, she beat the man in the race and that that race was really not accepting to women it was very hard for women to get in it, so was a big deal that a woman had beaten up on the man in the race and then she set a transcontinental speed record and broke barriers by setting new altitude records, so she flew higher than men had flown in a lot of places. So prior to the United States joining the war effort in World War two, Jackie didn't want to just sit on her butt. She was really upset about what was happening in Europe and she knew she wanted to do something. So American companies were building aircrafts to supply the British military with planes and so Jackie joined an organization with a bunch of other aviators that was called Wings for Britain not to be confused with Wings to Beauty and it was an organization for a elite American pilots who flew newly constructed military aircrafts to Britain to support the war effort and by participating in this organization Jackie actually became the first woman to fly a bomber plane across the Atlantic Ocean, because she had to get it to Britain. Speaker 1: And um that was just the beginning of Jackie's participation the war effort she got really devoted to it and she became really passionate about it, so while she was in Britain she helped the Royal Air Force recruit qualified female pilots from the United States to participate in their Air Transport Auxiliary which it was a group, an organization, that ferried items. So they didn't drop bombs, they were non combat, but they carried supplies so they would carry supplies to the army or the airforce or like carry things from one place- point A to point B. And she basically helped them recruit American women because America was not yet involved in the war and she was actually given the rank of Flight Captain in the British Air Transport Auxiliary, a rank that's actually called into the position of Major in the U. S. Air Force because she was so active in recruiting and training women while she was there. And in 1939 Jackie wrote a letter to the White House back in the US and she addressed it to the First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt because she knew that a fellow woman would listen to her she didn't think if she sent it to Mr Roosevelt it would get read. She knew Eleanor would read it, because she probably heard of her beauty products and she probably knew that she was this famous aviatrix and so she sent it to Eleanor and... Alana: Aviatrix is one of my favorite words. Lexi: I know it’s a good word. Alana: You like Pensacola, I’m like aviatrix. Lexi: An aviatrix born in Pensacola. Um so she proposed starting an American version of this auxiliary, an American Army Air Force auxiliary of women who were non combat pilots and Jackie argued that women can complete all of the non combat aviation jobs, thus freeing up more male pilots for direct combat as America became more involved in the war. So you know what we're about to get a war where a lot of guys are going to die, a lot of bomber planes are going to go down, and you might need women who are already trained pilots to come in and help you because it takes a long time to learn how to fly a plane. And there are all these women who are flying planes already. So this organization would be the American equivalent of that auxiliary in Britain and at the time the army like not the Air Force army which at the time the army and Air Force America were one thing but the Air Force was like under the army branch so the army itself had started the WAC, which is the women's army auxiliary corps program and it gave non combat jobs to women so they could work in the army army not the air force part of the army and Jackie felt it was possible to expand that to the people in the air so from the land to the air they could include the auxiliary for women so despite the shortage of qualified men who are pilots there was hesitation to Jackie's proposal from leaders in the U. S. military they were like we can’t have women flying planes. And so Lt. General Henry H. Arnold whose nickname was haps which is the lamest nickname I've ever heard. Alana: It’s like, it’s like um, in your yearbook have a great summer hags. Lexi: HAGS. Um so he asked Jackie to find out how many female pilots there were and to recruit and take American women to Britain and observe the auxiliary that was there and then use that information that her in those women could gain to possibly found their own American group. It was like I don't want to test this here but if you keep bringing women over to America er it's over to Britain which she was already doing if that goes well, maybe I'll let you approve doing that in America. So then in 1943 which was 4 years after she came up with this idea the WASPS were born and I would just like to say that the WASPS is the coolest name and the fact that we don't have that name in our military anymore especially for pilots because wasps fly. It's really sad so WASPS stands for women's airforce service pilots and this was a group where Jackie was the director and another female pilot named Lovelace was like the co director she's also really famous really popular so if you're interested in female pilots, check her out, but basically in this role Jackie supervised the training of hundreds of female pilots and they became part of World War 2 effort. They transported items, they never saw combat, they were not as dope as the Night Witches. And first service during World War 2 Jackie earned a Distinguished Service Medal, which at the time many women did not earn these types of honors it was a really big deal that she earned that award and the WASPS were disbanded after the war ended. And Jackie was hired as a magazine reporter. She just moved on with her life what somewhere else and the WASPs were never to be seen again, and to be fair now women can become pilots in the modern Air Force but it is a little sad that we don't have anything called the WASPS anymore. Haley: Are there any other like acro-names? Names for- Lexi: Yes. It’s in WACS, the WASPS, and the WAVEs. The WACS in the army, the WAVES in the Navy and the WASPS are the airforce, during uh World War II. Haley: Uh, WAVEs like the ocean. Lexi: YES. If you don't know a lot about women's participation in World War 2, I have recently become a nerd about it - mainly because the names are good and the recruitment posters are even better. I would have probably signed up, just from the propaganda. Alana: Just from the propaganda no Lexi! Lexi: So yes, so she became a magazine reporter. She traveled the world and the purpose of her going around was to document like post war life like how were different parts of the world adjusting to post war life. She was even at like the Nuremburg trials and stuff. Like she was really involved in post war were to break down. And she actually became the first non-Japanese woman to set foot on Japanese soil after the end of World War 2. Which is like pretty crazy. She just flew in there, landed, got off the plane. Um in 1948 Jackie joined the Air Force Reserve. She was one of the first women to actually technically become a member of the Air Force by serving in the reserves because technically the WASPs were an auxiliary. And she remained a member until 1970, so majority of her life she was in the reserves in case there would ever be another war effort she would need to participate in, she wanted to be ready to go, ready for battle. And during this part of her flying career she actually attained the rank of Colonel which is like a really high rank in military systems, so she was very well renowned and regarded. And Jackie was the first woman to break the sound barrier on 5/18/1953 she flew 652 miles per hour to break the sound barrier. They called her the supersonic lady in the news articles which is pretty cool. Alana: That’s the nickname. Lexi: In the 1960s Jackie wanted to go further than the sky. She wanted to go to space. And she became a financial sponsor of the women's Mercury program. There'd been a man's mercury program which had basically been a program to test people to see if they would make good astronauts and so the doctor that did that was like women would be really good in space why don't I test them. So the Mercury program was intended to train women to become astronauts and the belief was that women would make great astronauts because they were on average smaller so they were less weight and less height and they usually consumes less water, food and oxygen then men apparently. I didn't know that I thought I, I think I eat a lot but you know what now I think about it maybe my brother eats more than me so I guess it’s good. Alana: That's the same logic that they're using like they're talking about the first manned like manned mission to Mars is possibly going to be all women because they take up less space and don't come as much. Haley: Because we’re tiny. Lexi: They’re a littler people, but not really. Alana: It’s true. Lexi: I mean on average we are shorter so that's why. So Jackie was really frustrated because the the male doctor who is doing the testing for Mercury. Of course, it was a male doctor. He had really strict age requirements. He wanted the women to be like in their twenties - very young, very fit and he would not allow married women or single mothers to participate so if you were married or had children you could not participate in this program. And Jackie was married and 50 and so she was a little teed off because the whole reason that her and her husband were drowning money into this is because she was going to become the first woman in space. Yes- she was in her fifties, she was married, she technically did not qualify, but she convinced the doctor to let her participate in the test along with the 19 other women. So they selected 20 people total including Jackie and the tests were really intense. They had icy water shot at their face to induce vertigo. Haley: Ugh. Lexi: They Were put in deprivation tanks to disturb their sensory functions and see what would happen when they were like deprived of all their senses. Alana: Now that's like at like a health fad craze. Haley: Yeah. Lexi: That's true, that's true I've seen people do it. Rhett and Link did it on their show. Haley: Are those like the salts pods, cause I've done the salts pods where its like they- Lexi: I don’t know..They put you on a thing and close the lid and you can't- Haley: Yeah yeah so I’ve kinda done that where it's like I’ve done one where it's a salty as the dead sea, so you float, and you're in like the pod and it's completely dark and you just like float there. The only light is like the one green light so you know like where the button is if you're like anin sos mode but it's supposed to release like toxins like because your body is kind of just letting itself go in a sense. Alana: Everything releases toxins. Haley: Yeah. Alana: Cleanse your soul, clean it. Haley: I honestly- Alana: Your soul is dirty. Haley: I felt like high or like lighter. It felt really weird afterwards. It was not like it's not an experience I want to do again. Lexi: Yeah I mean these women did not like it and Jackie did not pass the test. 13 pilots did pass. So they had 20 female pilots to start, 13 passed, 7 were not selected, Jackie being one. Haley: How pissed was she? Lexi: There are there are like- There is evidence to suggest that she like screamed and flipped out. There like first hand accounts from other female pilots who were there that like she was like cursing out the doctor but he told her she had underlying heart conditions that she didn't know she had and that she should probably stop flying all together which is like you don't tell someone that when that's their life you know. So they called these pilots that Mercury 13 and they were going to be- stop being pilots and become astronauts. So most of these women, they quit their jobs they told their families I'm heading out they were going to move to Florida where the training base for astronauts was at the time and this at this point NASA not yet- it was like not yet completely in charge. The Air Force is actually doing most of the astronaut training and then later it would go under NASA does not make sense so the Air Force was highly involved in this so these women were going to go to where the Air Force's training astronauts. A week before they were supposed to leave, the program was canceled and the women were told not to report for training. And the 13 women never made it to space. There are cute little pictures of them as old ladies from like 20 years ago where they're like we almost when into space.Uwu. And it's so sad because these women were supposed to be the first woman in space. So Jackie spent the rest of her life advocating her belief that women were fit for space and that women made sense as astronauts. Unfortunately, Jackie passed away in August 1980, which is a little less than 3 years before Sally Ride was sent into space, so she never saw a woman go to space. Even though that was like her life, life dream. Alana: Cartoon frowny face. Frowny face emoji. I love- I love that story because I feel like we could talk about her for a zillion other episodes like we could talk about her for women in business, we can talk about her for like women in combat obviously like women in space… What was the other thing? Women in journalism for that thing… Haley: And fashion! Lexi: Women who have been to Japan… Alana: She just seems really cool. I like her. That was a good story. Lexi: Women from Pensacola Florida… Alana: Women from Pensacola Florida… Lexi: Haley’s yawning you wanna hit ‘em with an outro Haley: Yeah. Alana: Are you ready? Haley: Yeah. Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram @ladyhistorypod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on ladyhistorypod.tumblr.com. If you like the show leave us a review or tell your friends and if you don't like the show keep it to yourself. Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra you can find her on Instagram and Twitter at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, GarageBand and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us and we will not see you but you will hear us next time on Lady History. OUTRO MUSIC Haley: Next week on lady history we're talking about pirates, Lexi and Alana: Yaaaaaargh Haley: So get your eye patches ready. Alana: Oh my god.