#Fun Fact: The nightmares about tunnels is something I did have as a kid. It was far scarier in my mind.

[eod-agent-13-12]

Hele, Guerilla Songs, and Nap Time

Florian falls asleep to a lullaby while in Reginald's arms.

Content Warnings: Death, Childhood Memories, Crying, Emotional Breakdown, Poisoning, blood and injury, Impermanent death (it's Agent Phoenix death time loop, after all.)

For @tillywunderwing. (Tilly, you asked for this, hope it makes you bawl. >:3 Please blame her for this idea. /j /silly)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Agent?" Reginald looked around the medical facility when he noticed that his agent was not in their ward. They had been grumbling about the fact they only passed out after forgetting to sleep for a few days straight. 'It wasn't a big deal,' they say.

He walked around, asking any nearby nurses and other agents. They all pointed towards a certain room deeper inside.

Dozens of files and mission details swapped in the handler breakroom returned to him, followed by a heavy dread. His footsteps soon hastened, trying to get there on time.

The Head Support Agent stopped at the doorway, listening to his agent sing a lullaby as they held the hand of the dying agent, a product of a well timed poison on Zoraxis' part. It was too late for any antidote or any other solution.

Agent Phoenix held the agent's hand as they gently sang a song he never recognized. Their eyes glimmered as they tried to hold back the tears while they sang.

"Ako'y paalam, na, oh Nanay ko! Ako'y lalayo na sa piling mo. Yaman din, yan' ay tungkulin ko'. Ang maglingkod at magtanggol sa bayan ko." *

He stood there, listening to his agent sing the rest with solemnity that contrasted their usual grin they wear whenever they best Zoraxis in their plans.

This wasn't his usual Phoenix, not the singing and crying agent. They should be signing and smiling, not this.

They lingered, watching as Dr. Marcel provided the time of death. His eyes begging Reginald to help take his agent away from this.

"... Agent... You... did what you could." He practically dragged them out, pulling them as their numbed movements tugged at his heart with the weight of their body.

"... If only I did my mission faster. Maybe... Maybe I could've..." The squeaks in their voice reminded him of the few times he'd blamed himself for how other's missions turned out.

But he knows it'll only destroy them to think like that. It wouldn't help.

Brown eyes stared back at him, light soon shimmering to the bits of grey in them as they held back the sobs. "... I'm not strong enough to save everyone. I'm sorry."

He carefully tucked away the brown fringes that tangled up in front of their face.

"It's not your responsibility to do so... Florian." He looked upon their eyes, trying to pull them outside of that spiral before they could even be lost in the guilt that shouldn't belong to them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Pa, I can't sleep." Florian looked at the older man in the middle of the night, dragging a comically long looking pillow compared to their tiny height. "... I had a nightmare."

"A nightmare? About what?" He set down the letter he was reading, turning towards his child before opening his arms as invitation. "Did something scare you?"

"Mhm. The field trip. The bomb shelter passageway thingy. The darkness... It looked like it would swallow me whole!"

He chuckled, silver eyes meeting his child's brown. "Maybe it's meant to be like that, firelight. Maybe they're trying to hide what is precious so they're trying to scare the bad guys off, you know?" His hand gingerly carded their hair away from their face.

"Really?" They soon sat beside him, slowly increasing his heart rate as they sat on the arm rest and rested their head on his chest.

"Yeah. Sometimes, you need to look a little deeper to know what exactly is going on."

"... Can you tell me a story?"

"I can do something better. It's... an old song I heard from a... friend." He wrapped an arm around them, making sure they wouldn't fall off as soon as slumber returns to them.

Peaceful rest returns to the child as the old melody returns, along with memories of those who had moved on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Reginald, listen to me. This is not your fault. You hear me? Don't... Don't get in there. I know you were really planning to go to that underwater lab." Dr. Prism looked at the screen, then towards him with certainty.

"But they... they need back up. Well, the evac team will come get them but-Agent!"

"I'm alright. I'll be fine. Just... Shhh... I'll be fine." Phoenix's microphone hissed as they applied pressure on the cut created by the poison tipped arrow from the bear archer.

"Phoenix!" Roxana yelled, looking at the screen feed of them still grabbing wires.

"The cut wasn't that deep. Please tell me they can get there in less than an hour." They kept an even tone, eyes slowly flashing darkness as they unleashed sparks in Zor's latest schemes.

"We'll try, Agent. Please hang on. And... great work for getting that contraption shelved for the next few weeks-look out!"

Agent Phoenix rolled away from the collapsing component, which they have dodged easily, clearly not dying from it the first few times.

"Well, Agent. I'll see if we can get there much faster than normal."

"... That would be greatly appreciated. I'll try my best to get to a place where you can land quickly." Their fingertips felt cold, cheeks slowly regaining color as they caught their breath.

They fought the urge to sigh when they heard him disconnect the headset.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"... Pa, is everyone arguing again?" Florian laid their head on their father's lap as they felt him stroking their hair gently.

"That's why I told you to sleep. Now, you're hearing the adults argue about things. Why didn't you sleep with your cousins and siblings, hm?"

"... Ate was pinning me under her arm." They pouted, trying to fight off the sleepiness taking over. "I couldn't move."

"You need to grow up one day. But... I suppose today is not that day."

"... I can't sleep."

"Is it the passageway nightmare again?"

They shook their head. "No. I just find it hard to sleep in places I'm not used to."

He chuckled, looking at his child who was valiantly fighting off sleep on his lap as they stared at him with tears.

There was little debate on what he needed to do to let this visit just a bit more bearable.

"Di mo rin kaya, bayan, nalalaman? Sugat ng puso, buhat ng sumuko Asaha pa rin, di kita pababayaan Ay! Kahit ako'y sumapit sa kabilang buhay"**

He patted their head as he placed it on his lap, hand on their pulse as he counted slowly. He ignored how cold their fingertips were getting when he removed their gloves so he can feel their life slipping away.

"Ako'y paalam, na, oh Nanay ko! Ako'y lalayo na sa piling mo Yaman din, yan' ay tungkulin ko' Ang maglingkod at magtanggol sa bayan ko"*

Reginald choked as he got to the part he reached in that hospital ward, trying to match the way their eyes barely watered as they lulled their fellow agent to the next life.

Just like he was.

"Di mo rin kaya, bayan nalalaman? Sugat ng puso, buhat ng sumuko Asaha pa rin, di kita pababayaan Ay! Kahit ako'y sumapit sa kabilang buhay."**

Agent Phoenix curled slightly under his touch, trying to burrow into him, clearly dazed from the warm fuzzy feeling.

They were hearing a lullaby after a nightmare, after waking up in the middle of the night in response to something heavy.

Nothing was pinning them this time, only their own chest tightening as the poison slowly shut down their body.

They're not there, they're curling up in their pa's lap, enjoying the feeling of returning to their childhood, of not minding any of the silly things adults argue about.

"Kaya't ang bilin ko ay ganito: Huwag nang babanggitin ang ngalan ko At kung ako'y di na makarating Ang bangkay ko Sa bundok mo hahanapin"***

He really wanted to not sing that part. But... they did. It wouldn't do right if he skipped out in the end. He had to be there for them.

Would they want to be forgotten? Only talked about by whispers? Or would they want him to keep talking about them?

Reginald held their hand as he watched the light fade from their eyes. They clung to him like a child trying to fight sleep but also falling for the warmth he provided.

He looked at Dr. Marcel, his turquoise eyes turning away as the doctor declared the time of death. Their time of death.

When Phoenix opened their eyes and met with darkness, tears slowly started to form as they covered their mouth.

They had been dealing with that stupid bear archer for several runs already. But it was never this bad.

Their mind tried to recall the facts but their body yelled profanities at being ripped away from safety. From childhood. From not being killed every other mission or so.

The reality hit them, hitting them over the head. They weren't a kid anymore, no longer snuggling for warmth. Adulthood, especially whst was born from the path of a secret agent, had traded the warmth of cuddles with the covering of a blanket. It just wasn't the same.

But the world waits for no one. They'll need to wipe their tears and just... try to move on like nothing like this ever happened.

Because, in the eyes of the world, it didn't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The title of the song is "Paalam na, Oh Nanay ko" (Farewell, oh my mother), a song sung by Filipino guerilla fighters during WWII. (Last I checked.)

Here's the (my very rough) translation:

*I'll bid farewell now, o my mother I'll be going far from your arms It's my duty and responsibility To serve and protect my country

**Wouldn't you know, my country? The pain of the heart when you surrendered But keep believing that I won't abandon you Ay! Even if I go to the next life

***That's why for my last request: Never mention my name again And if I never return My remains You will find on that mountain

Additional note: Florian absolutely cried about this after they got home from the debrief. And probably went to their siblings (fellow Phoenixes) and just cried. That death was rough on them.

Tag List:

@phoenix-and-found-family, @the-one-and-only-043, @agentwraith, @jellyfishgummy

@agent--shadow, @blueorchid-95, @silverdragon889, @stellar-collective

@juniperfan16, @warden-draws-sometimes, @definitelyunhingedagentphoenix, @dandorime

[ru-bwee]

the "brief" history of niigo 2/5 for my dear friend @the-moth-from-elsewhere. if you wanna skip to the mizuki lore go to secret distance

ok im gonna be sorting these by event order and not character order. also id recommend fully reading all these events for better knowledge but i think ur mainly here to know mizukis stuff and not to read 8+ hours of nightcord lore so

imprisoned marionette: mafuyu event (fun fact: jackpot sad girl is from this event. hi harbinger hi)

ch2: honami!! hi honami!! honami gives kanade 4 tickets to go to a doll exhibit (big mafuyu story foreshadowing)

ch3: kanade asks niigo if they wanna go to the doll exhibit. mizuki says "that sounds bomb!" thanks mizuki. ch4: niigo at the doll exhibit! what will they do! mafuyu sees a doll tied by strings

ch5: the marionette makes mafuyu feel sick. no more niigo doll exhibit. miku says "the doll might be kinda like mafuyu" ch6: mafuyu. shes snoozing. mafuyu is having a nightmare. oh goodness mafuyus turned into the doll she saw at the exhibit. foreshadowing? it absolutely is.

ch7: oh the marionette became apart of sekai . and its free from its strings im sure thats not foreshadowing (stares in the distance at mafu4) miku cut the dolls strings. not foreshadowing surely

ch8: mafuyu is told to express her feelings more. and instantly goes to diss enas art (not intentionally mean)

insatiable pale color: ena event (also ena has a brother called akito)

ch1: the music video is booming. enas pulling an all nighter. her bitch dad is awake. did i mention enas dad is an ass

ena selfie account keeps getting more likes then her art account ch2: ena entering the shibuya art contest!! ch3: ena does not place in the contest. enas dad is being a bitch again.

ch4:ena snaps and goes to throw out all her art supplies. ena is now alone in sekai. fuck enas dad.

ch5: kanamafumizu visit sekai to find ena. RIN IN THE SEKAI! note: every vocaloid is a character/feeling (rin = enas vocaloid) ch6: akito confronts his (and enas) dad about talking to ena. akito defends his sister and tells his dad to just be a dad. speak your shit akito. ena finds rin. or rin finds ena. ch7: the ena confrontation! kanade and mizuki sweet word as always, and mafuyus mafuyu (positive) and ena quotes her character rank 88 stamp..! is it okay to keep drawing

ch8: shes gonna surpass her dad. go ena go! bitch dad. someone one day will probably say to me "oh hes not that bad" ok i have father issues too and i dont like him. anyways ena shows niigo the painting and mafuyu Likes it!! enas dad says its not thqat bad but i still dont like him. hashtagi hate enas dad

secret distance: SECRET DISTANCVE YAY! MIZUKS!!!

ch1: mizuki thinks about going on another adventure like when they went to the doll exhibit. mizuki mystery tour plan!! kanade asks for niigo to come to sekai. kanade is at a music slump. you can see where this is going.

ch2:mizuki has a pla- ITS MEIKO!!!! MIZUKIS VOCALOID!!!

oh right did i mention meiko is gonna keep her distance. not foreshadowing to a big piece of mizuki of course. haha. lol. anyways the zuki mystery tour ch3: niigo on the train to the mystery tour! There going a haunted area. nightcord is now at the haunted tunnel area. the ghost here is someone with really long hair (foreshadowing). kanades gone. ena has been left alone while mizumafu search for kanade.

ch4: enas dead. fly high ena. just kidding thats kanade she hurt her ankle. but were off to our next stop!

(as said in the tone of an angry parent) GET AWAY FROM THAT SHRINE MIZUKI. MIZUKI. GET AWAY FROM IT. MIZUKI. anyways kanades still in her slump we gotta keep moving.

ch5: starts in sekai. the loids are talking. meiko still wants to keep distance. not foreshadowing. rin says she might have something in common with mizumafu. meiko senses mizukis "weight" (secret). anyways were at an abandoned school now ! mizuki explains the story and uh oh that sounds like what was gonna happen to mafuyu. anyways mafuyu went to go investigate. alone. ch6: mizuki goes to sekai to try find mafuyu. mizumeiko talk. mizuki goes back to the real world. mafuyu found. theres a big cherry blossom tree :) mizuki thinks about how they looked dull before but how they look full of life now. ch7: niigo bickering. kanade is out her slump! also i think it only appears in mafuyus side story but she can see ghosts. the ghost showed her the cherry blossom tree because mafuyu got her shoes mizuki thinks about the next year and starts panicking. ch8: READ!! THE!! THE!! carnation recollection: kanade event ch1: k song demo. go to sekai to listen. oh and heres another vocaloid! its luka this time! (shes actually pretty complicated to pin as very much the personality of niigo but id say shes the kanade vocaloid) kanade once again redoes the demo to try reach mafuyu.

ch2: niigo bickering. luka gives kanade advice on the new demo.. kanade is back to her room and shes going to visit her dad

ch3: kanade makes it to the hospital.. its pouring down with rain btw. and kanades dad is finally awake!! her dad has amnesia though and cant remember anything after kanade was born :( kanade talks ,leaves, and is rightfully pretty sad and Oh whos that! its the mizuk!!! mizuki asks kanade to come to a cafe with her :)

ch4: kanamizu cafe times!! mizukana talkings and mizuki says they should go on an outing . kanamizu to the doll store in the mall !! kanamizu explore more mall. some carnations catch kanades eyes

ch5: kanade parent lore..! kanades mum liked carnations. did i ever mention her mum is dead . kanade mentions a flower field from when she was a kid . mizuki suggests they go try find it . they first go to miyamasuzaka park . they did not find the flower field :( kanamizu talking and mizuki suggests looking at one more spot and takes kanade to a place with a load of little flowerbeds . kanade recognises them. ch6: read this one too its cute.. babby kanade :) ch7: also cant put this one into a small summary u should read it ch8: niigo in the sekai.! they are listening to the new song basically more then demo in kanade worwds . mafuyus bluntness strikes again. me too girl. me too.. they finish listening and mafuyu was smiling :) skip to later and mafuena go to bed .` kanade thanks mizuki, mizuk thoughts . story ends! yay! 2nd focuses coming in the evening or tomorrow morning probably slash whenever

bonus note: after secret distance and before carnation recollection is the mizuena shizuairi picnic event. if ur interested id consider reading it cause its fun and also because theres some stuff in there thats a bit important but not like insanely important

[stylistiquements]

There was the silence and there were the stars | Corpse husband x reader -Among Us AU

Among us AU : There was something. Something in the silence and the harsh coldness -that only space was capable of- that turned your brain into a sarcastic and bored mess. Maybe that’s why you found yourself so interested by any sabotage pulled on the crewmates, maybe that’s what made him so interesting to witness. He was different from the rest of you. Different to an extend you were about to understand.

❚ Word count : 4.2k ❚ Warning : A bit angsty but you will get that fluffity fluff and touch starve feeling you require I promise ; swearing ❚ Note : there will be no mention of death or killing as it is basically a real life Among us, just some shenanigans. Y/C : your/color

A/N : This little thing was inspired by -⭐️ anon. It was a fun thing to write even though it took me way too long because I asked my brain “sir may I pls have the focus capacity I need” and brain said no (: so yeah, this is litteraly just me ranting n complaining about space. This is a bit angsty but as what if is way too happy for me that was a nice opportunity. I hope you won’t mind and appreciate it anyway. As always just let me know. As it’s my first time writing like a one shot thingy I’m really curious to know. Also it’s supposed to be proofread but if you find any mistake just take ur glasses off. Thanks. Enjoy the wild ride. 

You met him again. He was fixing wires while you were downloading some files on the computer. Difficulties happened regularly around here; various oddities that occurred from time to time, sometimes a few times a day. It would go from doors closing mysteriously to no electricity, you never knew which one it would be. Those inconveniences used to draw a smile on your lips, a grin you tried your best to hide from everyone else. The sound of the urging siren resounded in your head like a call, reviving the last spared spark left in your brain. At this point, you were pretty sure it was one of your crewmates’ doing, too many coincidences for any other options to be left. You didn’t mind though. The game started months ago but still amused you to this day. 

He never let a word escape his mouth. To your awareness, no one knew anything about him, no one had ever heard the sound of his voice which you could only dare to imagine since the two of you met. It felt silly, you fabricated this voice inside your head, a half-finished melody you played to keep your mind busy. It would have sounded just as an old piano would. So slightly out of tune that maybe, if you didn’t care enough or wished for it not to be true, you wouldn’t even notice. 

You called him black. It resonated with the color of his suit and the darkness that emanated from his soul. Not that he looked like a mischievous character, but rather like someone who would have been gnawed by life for years. A shade that reminded you of the bittersweet feeling 4 AM forced you to taste. Describing that presentiment was a challenge you couldn’t take. It was one of those things that had to be felt, not narrated. 

Shit.

He caught you staring again. How could you look any other way? There was something with him that appealed to you, that pulled your eyes toward his direction every time. Probably only a peak of unwarranted curiosity you couldn’t really be blamed for, probably the oh-so mysterious aura that floated so carelessly around him. He always had this way of sneaking in and out, just as if he was nothing but his own shadow. 

Yet, being near him was easy. Silence only felt comfortable when he was in your surroundings. The whole world stopped existing -and it had in fact since the first day you two met.

He had dark charcoal hair which fell so perfectly in curly strands around the two horns that crowned over his head. Paired with two ruby hued eyes, he truly was a sight for sore eyes. A wicked and breathtaking beauty, so unique it gave you the impression that he wasn’t even human. 

He used to hop in a vent after finishing his tasks. As if his true home was there; a secret hideout for him and him only. You didn’t even know it was a thing before you watched it with your own eyes. Who wouldn’t blame him. If you could have escaped that warmth deprived place too, even for 5 minutes, you would have. 

That’s why you never asked any question about it nor tried to investigate further. Being stuck in space was only a kid’s fantasy, nothing a fully conscious adult would inflict to themselves. Which, in itself, was pretty much self-explanatory about everyone’s mental condition in here.

It was also a pre-established rule, no questions. No one ever expressed it out loud, but you would have to be a fool not to guess it. Every crewmate grew accustomed to the deadly silence only space had to offer. A giant timeless hole where nothing really happened. With nothing but the smell of technology and the constant purr of engines as the only distractions left. See, living in a spaceship was no ordinary lifestyle : days and nights melted into each other until it became nothing but a groundless concept. The crewmates perceived it as comforting for some reason. You used to shrug it off, no questions. How unethical would you be to disturb their peace? 

If you had to be honest, you would probably say that you felt bad for Black. Nothing like pity, but being alone in this stark and brutal silence for this long must have been pretty life-consuming. That’s why, even though it made your cheeks and the tip of your ears flame up in a raw and unforgivable tint of pink, you always kept looking into his eyes for one more second after he noticed you. Just to be sure he knew that he wasn’t alone in this shit hole. You stared into the depth of those ruby eyes, hunting for silent answers to questions you weren’t even sure of in the first place. He never quivered, only stood motionless until his task was completed. Just locking the eye contact. After that, he always ran away as silently as he existed. Leaving your head disturbingly empty. 

Every single time. 

Something changed one day. You were about to prepare some test samples when it happened. He jumped off a vent and you followed his movements from the corner of your eyes, too distracted to remember about the task that was assigned to you. He ran to the door and proceeded to shut it. Within the last second, the one that always lasted hours, he put an index in front of his mouth. Silently asking for you not to say a word. And before the steel door could obstruct your vision completely, you noticed a smile on his lips. A smile that made the whole spaceship turn inside out, draining the blood out of your body in a painstaking, almost sore way. There you stood, intoxicated by stupefaction and trapped as a cat. 

Black mutated you into a self-depreciating joke : in here, you were only interestied in the impostor. The only one who made your day a little better was the one giving nightmares to the others. 

It was him, from the beginning. It was him and he smiled. A grin that twinkled maliciously from his lips to his eyes, wounding your heart in an insoluble way. It made every prejudice you had about him crumble : he was no longer that miserable existence you sensed he was but a quiescent sun that could radiate all around him once unleashed into the world. How did he do that? How could he be both the tunnel and the light at the end of it?

When red came to the rescue, she described you with a glare. She judged you in the not-so-pleasant way. You could always count on those glares to know their opinions about you. Because their judgment would have to be expressed one way or another. She thought you looked suspicious, with your half poured concoction into a hand and the rest of it in the other, just staring blankly into the void. You wouldn’t blame her for that. 

It stuck with you for days, filling your empty mind with the sight of a smile that could no longer be experienced. The scene shamelessly repeated itself in your mind until it became nothing but a progression of disassembled images, forcing you to taste the astonishment over and over again. The problem was, you hadn’t seen him for days. And, even though you wanted to know what happened, you couldn’t ask. That was the rule. 

What would you say anyway ? Black is the imposter and I watched him close medbay’s door ? Yeah, I don’t think so. You should have stopped him in the first place -and you would have if you weren’t just mesmerized.

So, you took each day -or night … or piece of time, whatever you wanted to call it since it was no longer existent- with composure. Forcing yourself to do any task with a meticulousness that didn’t look like you. Just to make sure your brain was busy enough not to think about it or him. Being trapped in a place and being trapped in your own mind are two different wrestles, yet in here those two intertwined perfectly. Just like the rest of it, it didn’t even make any sense : the guy smiled at you for ten seconds and here you were, an absolute clutter of questions and recollection. You were probably just too bored and he, as always, was the perfect distraction. That must have been it, right?

You walked in admin. Your heart skipped a beat before your eyes could process who stood in front of them. 

Look what the cat dragged in. 

His hair twirled flawlessly above his face, almost hiding a grimace that indicated so transparently his mind. You leaned against the door frame and crossed your arms, unabashedly watching him as he swiped his card frantically while sighting heavily every time that “bip” of failure rang. 

Eventually, he looked at you with an expression you couldn’t quite read. You tried anyway, staring at him as if he was some sort of work of art that needed to be decrypted. From the way his chest moved heavily under the pressure of the irritation to the way his glowing eyes witnessed you. This expression on his face gave him a funny look, a scowl which made the laugh that tickled your throat hard to hold back. 

“Y-you have to do it slower. Otherwise, it won’t work” you stuttered. “I guess it’s harder since …” 

You walked to him carefully, so carefully you forgot your words. Just as if he was a wild animal who could run away if scared. Making sure no step would fall out of line. He was so close, so close, maybe if you tried to catch him this time he would stop running away. 

“Since it’s not my job, right ? Is that what you were about to say ?” he asked with a low voice, a voice you would have never dared to picture for him. Not the broken tone you pictured but a melody so sweet and so unique it felt like it was made just for your ears to enjoy, taunting you to dive into his mind.

“Do you need help” ? 

“I- hum- You’re not supposed to help me, you know ?” he stuttered, visibly amused, judging by the way his eyes wrinkled under his smile. 

“Are you gonna lock me in the room once again ?” He shook his head as a chuckle escaped from his lips. “Then who cares” you finally breathed.  

Your fingers brushed against his warm skin as you grabbed the card. You tried to appear unbothered, hoping so intensely for the swipe to be a first try success. That way, maybe he wouldn’t notice the way you breathed heavily under the weight of your pounding heart. But those red eyes piercing through the depth of your soul were hardly bearable for those like you who suffered from unbeknownst afflictions. 

You grew aware of his every move, the way those eyes fell on you, the perfume that emanated from his skin, the sound of his slow yet noticeable respiration.

You gave him his card back and he captured your fingers in the palm of his hand, making it impossible for you to escape his grip. Hiding those blushing cheeks from a sight that seemed to see everything was a defiance only the proudest people would be capable of. It wasn’t your case, but you counted on preserving the last sane cells left in your body. 

“Your secret is safe with me.” You whispered, avoiding any eye contact.

“I know that.”

 A simple answer that would never be enough to satisfy you. Yet, before you could review the best option of an answer, he left. Just as he always did, he walked away silently -still this time it seemed to last an eternity- while you just stood there inertly as you watched his black silhouette disappear into the endless gray hallways. 

You finally caught the breath you had been holding this whole time. Leaning over, you observed your reflection into the screen of the digital tablet as you rubbed your hands together, hoping for that strange spike of electricity that ran through your fingers to fade away quickly. A mess.

“There you are, Corpse” green said as he sat cross-legged in black’s secret place “I’ve been looking for you.”

Corpse was the name green chose for Black, feeling like it would be the most suitable image for the one who always worked in the shadow. Not the most refined nickname, yet black ironically related to that. Silent as a Corpse, he thought. A level of sarcasm that amused him and which probably led to him immediately falling in love with it. 

Corpse observed the little sprout on the top of Green’s head. It floated lightly and followed his every move. What a little freak. Just a thing deprived of any sort of self consciousness, out of this world just like he felt he was. Corpse remained fixated on it, hoping he could get as self-aware as it was. The last impromptu reunion he had with you was nothing he had planned, nothing that should have happened. He wouldn’t exactly call it a mistake and still, he had no one else but him to blame.

“Did something happened with y/c ? You seem a little flustered.” Green asked, pulling Corpse out of his overflowed mind. 

“I don’t know, I think I kinda fucked up.” He replied with a shrug. “I’ve been spotted.”

“Was it really a mistake ?”

Green was the only one who was granted with the privilege of learning how to understand Corpse. Because, deep inside, they grew up to be the same kind : the kind that didn’t belong here. Two sides of the same coin. 

Green’s social intelligence, on the other hand, Black didn’t like it that much. Thanks to that guy, he would be able to work comfortably in the darkness, where no one could see him, but it also meant that he saw clearly what was going through Corpse’s mind. Actually, it didn’t take him too long. 

What was the surprise when he realized it was you who lived rent-free in his thoughts? See, in Corpse’s eyes you were different from the others : too conscious about the reality that happened before yours eyes. It made you interesting to observe. What a delightful sight it was to watch you rolling your eyes in your crewmates’ face, to notice the serious look you had when you were focused on a task, the way your eyes sparkled every time a new sabotage was made. He wouldn’t track you, yet he would never resist a peek once your paths crossed. It happened often, more than you actually realized.

Yet, Corpse was no fool. You and him never belonged together. You were destined to a bright destiny and he was the obscurity. That’s why he was more than careful not to get too close, not to see his bare mind get burnt under the exposition of those peculiar feelings in the pit of his stomach. 

That’s why his previous reaction made no sense to him. But what could he say? You took him aback when those words were directed at him. You made his short-circuited brain unable to be sensible anymore. He just wanted to know what your touch would feel like under his fingers. Why was his skin blazing with electricity now ?

Corpse swallowed it all. From the blossoming feeling inside his body and mind to the warmth and the softness of your skin. He couldn’t feel that way. “I’m not really sure.” he finally said, as honest as he could be with himself. 

He would spend his next few days planning with Green, cornering you to a small part of his brain. You couldn’t be there, you had no right to be. The game was progressing faster than they anticipated it. It made him thrilled, accepting the challenge no one but the two of them could bear. 

However, a new unwanted seed grew into his mind. The idea that, maybe, you were only by his side in this game. That, maybe he would never be able to witness your existence in the real world.

“Have you ever noticed how weird the stars look sometimes ?” Corpse asked as he joined navigation. You jumped and your mind turned into a scattered place stuck between a task you battled to achieve and the proximity left between the two of you. Your heart beat in rhythm with his echoing, never ending footsteps. Still you had, indeed, noticed. “It’s like they’re not even real” you answered with a smile that made your voice higher. A melodic lift that betrayed your intention of ever finishing your job. 

When you finally looked at him, his lips moved into a satisfied curve. Shivers tickled your arms and your neck. Maybe because he was just standing so perfectly still in front of the glass window. So perfectly still that, among all those celestial bodies, he appeared to be the most beautiful one.  “Mind keeping me company for a bit?” Your mouth betrayed you when the question escaped your grip. But Corpse snorted faintly and shook his head.

“From all the people in here you want to spend time with me ? That’s probably not your wisest decision.” He said as he tried to muffle a high pitch laugh with a hand that covered his mouth.

See, that’s the words he had been afraid of since the first time he saw you. The words he would have to turn into derision since he knew he would have no strength to refuse. Yet, you stood there with those glimmering eyes and those eyebrows that arched in a strange manner, cutting every single inch of air out of his lungs. Even if he wanted to say no -and he should- he wouldn’t have been able to.

It was never meant to happen, not judging by your two so hostily opposed nature. Fuck that shit. Who cared about that speech when you were here and you were so beautiful?

You moved closer to him, a strenuous and slow tense that shouldn’t be disregarded. You’ve had seen the same scenery for months yet never it made you feel the same way as you did at that very moment. Because those balls of lights floating into the void shimmered in his ruby hued iris just as a dozen of fireflies would. He made your world a little blurry, narrowed to his presence at your side.

“You forgave me really easily the last time we met.” He noticed. “That’s a little sus if you asked me.”

“Well, what can I say ? You’re the only distraction I have left, so I’m not really in the position to hold grudges.” You shrugged sarcastically. 

“You’re really funny, I have to concede that” he said as his smile made its way to his eyes. 

Your brutally honest words intertwined with his chuckles and crewmates never heard the spaceship as lively as that time. That time when you got to discover who Corpse really was. A man who hid his blooming existence behind a silence.

“Why did you stay silent this whole time ?” You dared to ask before the silence fell upon the two of you, a silence that maybe you wouldn’t be able to endure this time.

“Because I never wanted to lie”

“I- ...hum- there’s really nothing I could say against that, right ?”

With every grin, every chuckle, every abrupt eye contact, your proximity kept embedding his mind a little deeper until you stole the stars’ show completely. It’s no good, you held his breath hostage when he realized he could feel the warmth stemming out of your skin. So tempted to get closer and witness it with further clearness. 

Thus, he lifted a hand that starved connection. He tried to close the gap between your two touches so prudently, so discreetly that you didn’t even notice. A touch, that would go beyond his movement, more like a proof he needed to make sure someone like you really existed in a shithole like this.  

He was so close. 

Yet, the alarm rang before he could embrace the object of his desire. “Better check that out quickly” you said with a sigh. Somehow, it felt peculiar just knowing that, this time, you were the one running away. A sense of some sort of joke played by space. As if space hadn’t done enough. When Green cut the communication, he couldn’t realize -If only he knew the double meaning of that sabotage. Ah, the irony of it all. 

“I’ll see you soon” Corpse informed you, more of a promise than a farewell and he stayed there long enough, staring numbly at his hand.

You ran until the communication room, holding this bittersweet feeling on the tip of your tongue. You tried to swallow it and almost found yourself praying that no one would arrive before you could. This way, maybe your fugue would make more sense. 

Blue was already sitting on the floor, trying to find the good frequencies. “I’m already on it.” she said on a plain, monotone voice. Of course, she fucking would be. 

Now what was left to do ? Corpse was probably already gone and-and the silence … the silence had returned. A dead, cold, cruel silence. It tested out your nerves, built up some pressure down your throat that made keeping your composure barely possible. Corpse slipped between your fingers again. The game was no longer a funny and pleasant diversion from the plain, austere daily life you had. You grew tired of that cat and mouse game. You just wanted him.

After going back to the oh-so empty navigation room, you completed your tasks. And you were finally done. You wandered around for hours, days -who knows-, searching for a purpose. 

The game was coming to an end, you could feel it. Something in the air changed, it became dryer than ever. Unbearable on your skin that ached for something you couldn’t apprehend. The crewmates were agitated, everyone kept running around day and night just to make sure the last tasks would be completed as soon as possible. New difficulties were triggered almost as soon as the last ones ended. Chaos. 

Just as if he wasn’t ready to end the game so soon, as if he didn’t want to get the hell out of this place as much as you did. From time to time, you almost found yourself eager to ignore the alarm. Taunting him one last time by neglecting his call. 

Maybe that way he would show up, maybe that way he would stay with you. Yeah, maybe that way he would stop being nothing but an ephemeral being that almost made you wonder if you finally gave up on your mind to the silence. Because at that moment he only felt like a chimera your brain created to protect you. Because you were just so fucking bored.  

You gave up on that idea, turning on the CCTV as you sighed. Just to see more colorful suits running around, trying to hold their shit together for what appeared to be the ultimate hour. Despite all the sabotages, it seemed like your number made your strength. You imagined Corpse’s face, probably piqued. A dark frown covering his pretty eyes. It made your lips twitch for a second. Who knew it would end this way ? Definitely not you. 

Yet that amused smile faded away when you heard the familiar sound of the door closing, locking you in yet another time. You rolled your eyes and turned around, unprepared to witness who locked themselves with you. His body laid against the door, guarding it as his chest moved frenetically under the weight of his rushing breath. 

“This is the end” he whispered frantically under his breath. He doesn’t look as worried as you thought he would, but it didn’t matter. You moved impulsively toward him, never stopping until he snaked a hand around your waist and slipped the other one in your back. That way, this time, there were no escape. 

He let his head rest in the hollow of your neck, soaking the divine and comforting warmth you had to offer. His warm breath on your skin sent shivers through your body which responded by squeezing him a little tighter, holding him as close to your heart as humanly possible. You could feel his, beating so fast.

“This is the end.” His whisper grounded on your skin. 

He lifted his head to dive into your eyes with the same sweet smile you offered him. The one which expressed the happiness, the relievment it felt to embrace him. 

“If it were for you, I would do it all over again.” You said, pressing your forehead against his, sharing a breath as you closed your eyes. One last attempt to memorize everything about him. You sensed his smile, so wide you didn’t even have to look at it to see. He left a trail of kisses on your cheeks and your hand wandered in his hair as a faint gasp escaped your lips.

Corpse looked back at you. And then, as his thumb drew light circles on your cheek. With glowing eyes that translated all the adoration he felt for you, he whispered “Maybe it was just meant to be”. And then, he closed the distance between the two of you, brushing your lips softly at first before capturing them completely once he was sure you felt the same way as he did. A kiss that tasted like 4AM and home. 

“I’ll find my way back to you, my love. I’ll find you in the real world.” He promised.

[yellowocaballero]

Prequel to ‘The Crow’s Funeral’: How Agnes + Gerry met, then proceeded to set Jon on fire.

Exactly what it says on the tin. This exists because I was rereading TCF and went “hey did I ever figure out how Agnes and Gerry met”. I didn’t, so this is it. Rest under the cut. No specific warnings except for the fact that, shockingly enough, Jon had gone through a lot of character development prior to the start of TCF and was actually a complete asshole for a year or two. 

“Daisy? What are you looking for?”

Agnes’s expression stretched into terror. She mouthed ‘fuck!’, and slapped a hand over her mouth. She didn’t breathe, and her chest never rose and fell, but she abruptly started trembling.

For the first time, Gerry reached out to reassure her. But her body heat had abruptly tripled, and Gerry was forced to pull back. In the small, unventilated space, it quickly became overwhelmingly hot.

“Shut it off!” Gerry hissed, as quietly as he physically could. “They’ll feel it -”

“That is the most dangerous monster in the world,” Agnes whispered, and Gerry fell silent. “Don’t move.”

For the first time in a very long time, in an apocalyptic world built on terror and fear, Gerry felt afraid.

Agnes was back. 

Gerry didn’t know how she had found him. His hiding place was pretty well hidden, thank-you-very-much. Adults were always trying to barricade themselves in houses - stupid, when the nightshades could drift through shit - and kids were always trying to hide in closets or attics. But Gerry was the perfect mix of adult and child - or, as they’re known, teenagers - and he had way too much experience stripping houses down for the possessions of the recently deceased. 

So Gerry knew about crawl spaces. Like in the Magician’s Nephew, some older row houses had little secret tunnels between each house. You couldn’t quite get into each house normally, but there were always gaps and weak points and hatches. Even better, at the very top there was a hidden attic where the generator and power box lived. It was small, and there were definitely some gross animal corpses that Gerry could have sworn moved, but it was mostly safe. So much as anything was safe. 

But, somehow, Agnes had found him. Gerry didn’t know what she was doing exploring row houses for fun, but judging from the scent of smoke that’s been in the air lately he didn’t want to know. 

The sharp rapping echoed through the small attic, directly under the hatch with a huge heavy space heater dumped on it. Gerry had other means of entry, and Agnes thought that was the only door. Please! As if Gerry would live somewhere with only one escape exit. That was just asking to get stuck in a nightmare for a month. 

But, then again, maybe Agnes had never had to worry about that. 

“I brought food!” The high, clear voice called out - slightly muffled from the ceiling/floor, but unmistakable. “It’s Twinkies! Come down to eat it!”

“No way!” Gerry called down back. “I bet you put offal in it!”

“What does offal mean!”

“It’s, like, organs! Go away, lady!”

“I told you!” Agnes called back, weirdly delighted. “My name’s Agnes! I’m a Princess!”

“Princess of what, being lame!”

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck you, Princess Agnes!”

“Fuck me yourself!”

Ugh! She was so annoying! This was her fourth fucking time coming by here, and ever since she had realized that he was just a teenage boy she had been leaving food in front of the attic door. It was always weird food, too. Didn’t she know what humans ate?

Stupidly on cue, Gerry’s stomach rumbled. Ugh. 

“Go away,” Gerry called back, eager for her to just leave already so he could eat the shitty food she had undoubtedly left. “I don’t feel like getting turned into a candle today!”

For some reason, she didn’t reply to that. Gerry wondered if she was trying to fool him into thinking she was leaving, but joke’s on her - Gerry could hear footsteps all the way through the house. He waited with bated breath for a minute, two minutes, slowly growing confused why she wasn’t either yelling at him or leaving. 

He’d never tell her, but he kind of enjoyed fighting with her. 

Finally, she called out, with an emotion in her voice that he had never heard from her before, “Is that why you won’t come out? You think I’d turn you into a candle?”

Gerry was flabbergasted. “Yes?” he called back. “You turn everyone into candles.”

“...it’s not just because you don’t like me?”

Aw, man. Gerry abruptly felt a little bad for the flame monster cult leader lady. She couldn’t be any older than him. “You’re really nice,” Gerry called back, feeling like an idiot. “I just didn’t make it this far by not being careful! Thanks for the food, though!”

A longer silence this time. For some reason, Gerry felt a weird kind of anxious. Not the normal level of ‘aaah im gonna get eaten’ anxious. But something different. He couldn’t describe it. 

Finally, Agnes called back, “Do you want me to stop bothering you? I’m sorry if I’ve been harassing you. I’m not good at - at all of this.”

Gerry sat in his own silence, sitting cross-legged in front of the space heater on top of the hatch. His baggy jeans clung to his legs, slightly sweaty and definitely unwashed, and his raggedy thin black jacket was also a little sweaty. His hair was plastered to his head, limp and dirty. Wherever Agnes went, heat followed. 

People who made dumb decisions didn’t live very long. Gerry had lived for quite a while - well, he was fifteen, but he had made it all year without getting eaten, which was really quite impressive. 

And he had made it alone. When he woke up in this green and terrifying world, Mum hadn’t been there. He had looked for her for months. He had almost been ripped to shreds in Pinhole Books. She wasn’t in any of their usual London hideaways, either. Maybe she was outside of London, somewhere far away…

In all of Gerry’s books, he’d pack up his backpack and set out to look for Mum. He wouldn’t stop until he found her. Then he’d find out that she’d been embroiled in some plot to stop all of this, and he’d help her, and she’d hug him…

But it wasn’t a book. No matter how strange this new world was, fiction couldn’t begin to match. And Gerry didn’t really miss his Mum. Not really. He missed the fact that he was alone. He missed the fact that she was powerful and smart and talented, and definitely would have been able to protect the both of them. Gerry had to protect himself now, and he missed that safety more than he ever missed Mum. 

Gerry wondered if Agnes was lonely. How could she, with a whole cult?

It was a stupid decision. But Gerry had always trusted too easy, anyway. 

He stood up and pushed the space heater with a thick, screeching grinding sound that scraped uncomfortably along the wood. With a final heave, he pushed it off the hatch, and reluctantly bent down to lift the hatch and unfold the ladder. 

“If you turn me into a candle I’m giving you an allergy attack,” Gerry called down, and the girl known as Agnes Montague smiled up at him brilliantly. 

***

That wasn’t how Agnes and Gerry started. But it had been, maybe, how they got going. 

Agnes, Gerry found out very quickly, was a hot-tempered girl. Save the jokes. She was always dressed like a sixties hippie, and her long red hair was always somehow glistening and clean. She let Gerry touch it, very carefully, and - yep, even the hair was wax. What a weird person. 

After a bit of frantic introductions and suspicious squinting from both sides, Gerry and Agnes had eventually sat down cross-legged from each other as Gerry stuffed Twinkies in his mouth and she eyed them warily. She had eyed them with a bit of trepidation, but Gerry’s obvious joy at eating them must have made her curious. That was one thing Agnes was: curious. Almost to death. 

“You really live up here? And you’ve never gotten trapped by a nightmare?”

Gerry shrugged uncomfortably, sucking at his fingers. “Yep. I run around town a lot too, cuz I get bored otherwise. It’s easy to evade all of that shit if you know how.”

“Wow.” It was probably her being a fire person or whatever, but Agnes’ eyes seemed to sparkle a little bit. “My cult members barely even let me outside by myself, and I can set shit on fire. You’re really weird for a human.”

Gerry couldn’t help but puff out his chest a little, even if he would have preferred her to use any other word than ‘weird’. “That’s what happens when your Mum trains you since birth to be a demon hunter.” He faltered a little. “I’m not sure if she knew this would happen, but I wouldn’t put it past her.”

“Your mum knew?” Agnes gasped. “I thought nobody knew about the Entities before the apocalypse!”

“Your cult members must have known, right?” Gerry pointed out, and Agnes nodded in concession of the point. “Yeah, there were always a few of us. Not a lot, though. Tight-knit community, everyone knew each other. Hobbyists, you know. It sucked. Most of the people who got involved in the supernatural were jerks.” Actually, now that Gerry thought about it… “That crazy apocalypse prepper Salasea must be coming out like a bandit right now.”

Agnes nodded sagely, as if she knew who Salasea was. Maybe she did? Gerry had always gotten the impression that if all of the demon hunters knew each other, then maybe all of the demons did too. Eventually word about Mum had really started to get around. 

“You’re the first interesting human I’ve met,” Agnes said thoughtfully. “Most of them just - like, scream, you know? Or pretend I’m not there. Like if they don’t acknowledge me then I can’t hurt them. And, like, that’s the way it works for a lot of these things! But I’m a person too, you know?”

“You really aren’t.”

“I have feelings,” Agnes said firmly. “But maybe the reason why you’re still safe isn’t because you’re a super cool human hunter, Gerry.”

“It has to be a part of it,” Gerry said aggressively, eager to assert his masculinity and how cool he was.

“Of course,” Agnes allowed, making Gerry huff. “But I think it’s because you aren’t scared. You were wondering how I found you, right?” Gerry nodded slowly. He had been wondering how Agnes had caught on that he was living here. “It was because I felt a person - I can always feel body heat - but I didn’t taste any fear. I was setting some row houses on fire just to feel something, and you weren’t feeling anything either!” She set her expression firmly, almost bravely. “I think we’re the same.”

“A goth human teenager living in an attic and a flame princess of the fire cult?” Gerry asked skeptically. They couldn’t be less similar. Gerry lived each day in - well, as Agnes pointed out, not fear, but he was constantly just trying to survive. It was all he had ever known, but he knew that others didn’t live like that. He had known when he was a kid - that other kids were normal, were happy - and he knew it now. That a small handful of people in this world were having a blast, and that everyone else suffered. “We’re nothing alike.”

But Agnes faltered, just a bit, and Gerry just a little bit of that loneliness in her expression again. “You’re the only other kid who’s had a conversation with me.” She paused a beat. “Besides, like, Callum, but he’s a baby.”

Maybe, in a schoolyard or a town or a world, Gerry and Agnes weren’t so similar. Maybe they’d have nothing in common. But maybe, in this world that was both so isolated and so unified, they could be a little similar after all. 

“I’ll allow it,” Gerry said graciously. He wanted to shake her hand, but he deeply knew that it was a bad idea. Instead, he broke his Twinkie in half, and held out the other one to her. “Friends?”

Agnes eyed the Twinkie warily. “Do you become friends by asking to be friends with someone?”

“I dunno, I don’t have any friends.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

But she took the Twinkie. It was a start. 

****

Of course, Gerry and Agnes were far more alike than they had first thought. Mostly in the fact that their evil mothers had killed their fathers (which Gerry had the sneaking suspicion wasn’t a universal experience) and that the both of them were actually kind of literally protagonists of a YA book.

Well, Gerry had always been the protagonist of his own life. But he would write a story about Agnes too: about the spoiled princess who rejected her destiny. Who had a really cool previous life where she was all dramatic and sad and stuff, who died tragically only to be reborn as a magical teenage girl. Seriously, it was right out of a Sarah J Maas novel. 

  Maybe they latched onto each other too quickly, but it was the kind of latching on when you made friends with another kid at the orientation to summer camp and then religiously stuck to the kid once the actual camp started until you got another friend. Maybe. Gerry's never been to summer camp, how was he supposed to know. 

But Agnes was sharply quick, surprisingly kind, and fiercely protective. Gerry had never met somebody who cared as much as her. It was really weird. He supposed that people like her, the powerful and destructive, had the privilege to care. 

Agnes snuck over more and more often, and sometimes Gerry went to go visit her. Eventually they started roaming the streets together, loitering in businesses and committing general acts of tomfoolery. Gerry was an old hat at tomfoolery - he had only been vaguely supervised most of his life - but Agnes encroached every second of minor rule breaking with cautious glee. 

Not that there really were rules anymore. Even if you were the kind of juvenile delinquent that got adults yelling at you and caused minor or major property damage, it wasn’t as if the cops were going to come and take you away. Either you got away with it, or you were eaten for a while. This was very natural to Gerry, and after a little bit of convincing it came easily to Agnes too. Maybe they really were well-suited for each other after all. 

If Gerry’s Mum could see him now, she would call him ‘dreadful’ and ‘ill-mannered’ and ‘badly behaved’. But...she wasn’t there, so she could hardly complain. Served her right.

Months - maybe - later, Gerry and Agnes were hanging out in Gerry’s crawlspace again after a long day terrorizing demons and old men alike. They were splitting a blood orange - literally - and letting the sticky juice (juice?) run down their hands, laughing as Agnes imitated the look of shock on the old man’s face. Sitting down on the floor, flavor bursting sweet on his tongue, as Agnes teased him for dropping peels everywhere...Gerry was almost happy. 

Rookie mistake. 

Agnes sensed it first, stiffening slightly as her body pulsed slightly warmer. Gerry scooted a little further away from her carefully as she turned to look at the thin plaster wall, brow furrowing. 

“Is it a nightmare?” Gerry whispered. “Or a person?”

“Neither,” Agnes whispered back. “It’s…”

Then Gerry heard it too: the clack of nails on hardwood, and a sound so terrifying it made his gut tie itself into knots. It was a growl, bestial and wet. Something was snarling outside.

Gerry stopped breathing, sitting absolutely still. The sounds of sniffing and snarling were loud and distinct, and he couldn’t help but stare at the sticky, juicy, smelly orange in his hands. Agnes was also still, far more completely than Gerry ever could be, carefully listening. 

He wanted to whisper to Agnes, make a game plan, but the monster would hear them. Part of Gerry wanted to tremble in fear, but that wasn’t useful. He forced himself to calm down as best as he could while keeping his breaths minimal. Remember Dune. Fear was the mind killer. Fear is the little death. 

But then Agnes smiled at him faintly, making a gentle gesture with her hand. Agnes was a literal fire messiah. She could take almost any monster. Gerry had never seen her afraid of anything, just contemptuous or annoyed. Having her there with him was more reassuring than any book quote, and Gerry exhaled softly as he smiled back at her. Agnes was going to torch that monster, and it would be super cool, and they’d high five, and -

“Daisy? What are you looking for?”

Agnes’s expression stretched into terror. She mouthed ‘fuck!’, and slapped a hand over her mouth. She didn’t breathe, and her chest never rose and fell, but she abruptly started trembling.

For the first time, Gerry reached out to reassure her. But her body heat had abruptly tripled, and Gerry was forced to pull back. In the small, unventilated space, it quickly became overwhelmingly hot. 

“Shut it off!” Gerry hissed, as quietly as he physically could. “They’ll feel it -”

“That is the most dangerous monster in the world,” Agnes whispered, and Gerry fell silent. “Don’t move.”

For the first time in a very long time, in an apocalyptic world built on terror and fear, Gerry felt afraid. 

A faint yipping echoed through the space, almost like a dog. It could never be mistaken for a dog. 

“Well, yes, there’s people everywhere. Other places have more people, even. Why can’t we just go there?” Another bark, a low bass cut. “Oh, if it’s a Hunt, then it’s alright.”

The heat was growing oppressive, and Gerry frantically motioned for Agnes to cut it out. He was withholding his own ragged breathing, and abruptly Gerry felt as if he couldn’t breathe. It was just making him more scared, the sweat trickling down his neck -

There was another yip, so close it might as well be made in his ear. It clearly came from directly in front of him. 

Gerry couldn’t help it - he screamed, overwhelmed with fire and heat and fear and the wolf at their door. 

The wall exploded.

Dust and insulation burst outwards in a fine white cloud, and Gerry and Agnes were abruptly coughing intensely and the wall cracked, folded, and collapsed inwards. Gerry was showered with fragments of wood and plaster, stifling another scream, and screwed his eyes shut against the sudden influx of light. 

He cracked them open as quickly as he could, unwilling to meet whatever was in front of him with his eyes closed. Instantly, overwhelmingly, Gerry was brought face to snout with a giant wolf.

Gerry firmly believed that people weren’t meant to see apex predators up close. Nobody should be able to touch a bear, was Gerry’s opinion. What was an anaconda? Gerry was on the opposite side of the room. He wasn’t afraid, but he hadn’t made it to the ripe old age of fifteen without being highly cautious. 

It wasn’t right, staring this wolf in the face. Every inch of it stood out to him: the slobber, the snarl, the canines almost as long as his hand. It was silvery white, with a thick ruff and coat, and Gerry watched in awe as the wolf snarled and - 

And stopped snarling. It started looking at him curiously instead, bushy tail sweeping gently side to side. 

The immediate problem almost solved, Gerry was able to take in the figure behind the wolf. 

He was a guy. Unfairly tall, Black with curly hair drawn tight into a ponytail. Sharp features, undercut by unnaturally green eyes. He was in a suit that looked like he had put it on three months ago and had never changed. He was...wearing a trenchcoat? He was just a guy!

“A human!” The man - monster? Guy? Nightmare? Avatar? - cried. “Oh, good job, Daisy! You’re a fantastic investigator.” The wolf - Daisy was a stupid name for a wolf - barked lowly. “Yes, it is like an oven in here, isn’t it?”

Gerry opened his mouth, then closed it. He was still cowering on his ass, covered in dust and plaster. This guy was Agnes’ monster? Maybe she had mistaken him for someone else. “Who -”

“He’s even talking!” The man exclaimed, as if he was a dancing monkey. “They never talk to me voluntarily, you know.” Daisy barked again. “I think it’s cute! Kids are so repetitive, but this one smells great. Good job, Daisy.” 

Before Gerry could protest the man stepped forward and looked down at him, and a sick realization trickled through him. 

The man had nothing behind his eyes. Bright green, sick and churning, radioactive and poisonous. His expression was absent and vaguely curious, like a child watching an ant crawl through its anthill. Slowly, intensely, the man’s placid expression broke into a sharp and demented smile. 

It wasn’t the smile of a human staring at a tasty sandwich. It wasn’t even the smile of a monster drawing a human into a nightmare. It was the smile of a child holding the magnifying glass to the ant: triumphant, because now the child got to see what happens when an ant blackened to a crisp. Elated, because they were the child, and not the ant. Victorious, because they could only remember the distinction in the act of causing harm. 

“Statement of -”

“Leave him alone!”

The monster exploded into flames. 

Agnes leapt from her position in the crawlspace, slightly tucked away out of sight, and shoved at the wolf hard. The wolf yowled, her handprints blackening its fur, and it retreated snarling. 

It was not the first time Gerry had seen someone set on fire. It happened a lot, when you hung out with Agnes. But the man burned, in bright and beautiful red-hot flames, crackling and searing the skin and air and sky. His mouth was open in a silent scream. 

Something green shone from within the flames. 

Then the flames were gone. It was as if he had never been set on fire at all. At most he smelled vaguely of burning flesh, and his hair had broken free of its ponytail to settle in fuzzy waves. 

The monster looked mildly peeved. 

Agnes grabbed Gerry, leaving red-hot scorch marks on his hoodie, and yanked him behind her. Gerry was not embarrassed to say that he absolutely hid behind Agnes as she put herself between him and the monster and his wolf. The wolf who was now snarling deeply at them, and the slightly irritated monster who shook ash off his unharmed trench coat. 

“I don’t care if you called dibs on him,” the monster bitched. “You don’t get to stop me in the middle of a - oh, Agnes!” The monster’s expression brightened as he snapped his fingers. “Agnes Montague, right? Your cult introduced me to you at - what was it -”

“Annabelle’s annual party five months ago,” Agnes said flatly. Her wax hair was still burning at the ends, and although Gerry couldn’t see her expression he knew it had to be fierce. “Nice to see you again, Jon. Now stay away from him.” 

“If you called dibs then you shouldn’t have let me try to eat him,” Jon - which was the dumbest name for an evil monster - complained. He smelled his arm, grimacing. “Setting me on fire’s downright rude, Agnes. Didn’t Jude teach you any manners?”

“Go away!” Agnes yelled. Gerry realized quietly that she was still shaking. “He’s not yours! He’s the one thing you aren’t allowed to hurt!”

Jon frowned at her. Gerry could practically see it: Did_not_compute.exe. It simply didn’t make sense: that there was something in the world that he wasn’t allowed to hurt. That there was something in the world that was not his. 

Before Jon could speak again, his wolf barked harshly at him. She kept barking, completely indecipherably, as Jon’s expression screwed up in uncomprehension. “What does it matter if they’re children.” The wolf barked. “I mean, I don’t actually care if we piss off the Desolation or not.” Bark, bark. “Why are you always guilt tripping me!” Bark, bark, bark, bark. Eventually Jon’s expression turned somewhat abashed, and then downright embarrassed. 

“Right, right.” He turned back to Agnes and Gerry, a little sulky. “Sorry for trying to eat your human, Agnes. In my defense, he was quite -” The dog yipped. “ - innocent, and I’m sure he’s very fun. Great. Well, this was a waste of time. Call me if you get tired of him, Agnes.” 

Jon turned to go, and Gerry could not see his back soon enough. The heat had died as Agnes calmed down, her arms crossed over her chest and scowling fiercely. 

“Apologize to him!”

Jon froze, halfway across the room. Gerry quietly wanted to die. 

The monster slowly turned on his heel, looking at Agnes with a faintly flabbergasted expression. “You can’t be serious -” The wolf barked again. Gerry had the impression that the wolf was in charge of him. “Stop ganging up on me -” Bark. “I don’t know how to talk to humans, don’t make me!” A very firm bark. 

“Do it,” Agnes said firmly. “Or I’ll set you on fire again.”

Unbelievably, the monster groaned. He turned to Gerry, fluorescent eye twitching. “Alright, alright! Listen, uh - kiddo? Kiddo. I am very sorry that you tasted - I am very sorry that I tried to scar you for life and consume your trauma. I cannot stress enough how it’s nothing personal. There.” Weirdly enough, he looked a little proud of himself. “Hah. Totally rocked that talking to a human thing.”

“Uh,” Gerry said, too dizzy with the events of the last ten minutes to care very much about what he said, “is the wolf in charge of you?”

Even more unbelievably, the man brightened. “I’m her assistant! Not very many people pick that up. You’re very bright, little human. Do you want to pet her?” Jon glanced at Daisy, who looked unimpressed. Very loudly, he hissed at her, “Do children like petting dogs?”

The wolf, somehow, seemed to inform him that yes, they did. 

They were in too deep now. Gerry walked up and petted the wolf. It was fucking awesome. Agnes groaned and pulled him back again very quickly. She seemed a little jealous. The wolf yipped at her and Agnes reluctantly petted the wolf too. 

Jon clapped his hands. “Well! That was very unpleasant. I won’t ask what you’re doing hiding in a wall, Agnes. As a personal favor to you.”

“Thanks,” Agnes said flatly. 

“Tell Diego and Jude that I’m not doing it. Or eating your human. As a personal favor to you.”

“Definitely will.”

“Fantastic.” Jon’s eyes glinted, in the soft light of Agnes’ flames. “I’m very happy you’ve reincarnated into that fun child’s body, Agnes. Children are so tempestuous and impulsive. I wouldn’t have tolerated an adult setting me on fire. You understand that, don’t you?” 

Agnes nodded, almost shakily.

“You understand that for an adult, that would have had very different consequences.”

Agnes nodded again.

“Fantastic!” Then Jon was beaming again, all carelessness and laziness. “Have fun, you little delinquents. Come on, Daisy. I’m famished.”

He swanned off, wolf following closely on his tail. But the wolf looked back as it crossed the threshold, large yellow eyes piercing in a way that Gerry just couldn’t name, before they both disappeared. As slowly and terrifyingly as they had come.

Ten seconds passed, then fifteen. 

Agnes crumpled to her knees and bent over the floor, shaking, and her hands pressed hot scorch marks into the wood. She was still shuddering, and Gerry bent down next to her. He couldn’t physically comfort her, but he could put his hand close to hers on the wood. As close as possible, yet never touching. 

“We are so lucky to be alive,” Agnes breathed, before abruptly groaning. “I set him on fire! I set The Archivist on fire!”

The title tickled something in Gerry’s brain, bringing up an insane amount of questions, but he brushed them all aside. Gertrude was dead - or at the very least, very far away, where she was no good to him. She had to be, otherwise he would have noticed her cutting a swathe through Britain by now. 

“Who is he?” Gerry asked. He didn’t really want to know, but...well, he was himself. He wanted to know everything. It was kind of his whole thing.

Agnes sat down on her knees, rubbing her forehead, and Gerry cautiously sat down next to her. “He’s the monster who sold the world. The most dangerous man ever made.”

“The most dangerous man in the world gets bossed around by his dog?” Gerry asked, before the words sunk in. “Wait, I thought that was Jonah Magnus!”

“Jonah Magnus doesn’t kill people because they annoy him!” Agnes snapped, before she groaned into her hands again. “And I set him on fire…Diego is going to kill me!”

“For what it’s worth,” Gerry said awkwardly, “I’m glad you set him on fire. He was kind of a dick.” He paused again, uncertain of how to say it. “And...thanks for caring, I guess. You really don’t have to.” He shrugged, unwilling to state what had always been unsaid between them. “I’m a human. These things happen to us. You just have to deal with it.”

That was the way of the world. It had always been that way, even before the apocalypse. The strong and powerful and important like Jon kicked around smaller people, and the smaller people just hoped they survived it. 

Gerry was a survivor. Nobody had ever saved him before. Maybe because nobody had ever saved him before. 

Agnes tackled Gerry in a tight, pressing hug. She wasn’t hot at all, just mildly warm - an incredible act of effort and concentration on her part. Her arms were solid and unyielding, never mistaken for flesh, but she clutched at him with a unique desperation. Gerry cautiously hugged her back, letting her bury her head into his shoulder. 

“Not to you,” Agnes whispered. “Nothing bad’s going to happen to you. Not even The Archivist.”

“You can’t promise that,” Gerry whispered. 

“We’re family.” Agnes separated from him, stubbornly fighting boiling tears. “And I’m sick of just dealing with it.”

Gerry opened his mouth, then closed it. “Family?” He said weakly.

Agnes blushed hotly. “If you want!” She tightened her fists on her skirt, winding the fabric between her fingers anxiously. “It’s just that - I know you don’t have anyone...and I have my cultists, but they don’t really care about me, not like you do...and I know it used to be different, that family used to mean something different, but I don’t care about what old people thought family meant. I care about you, and we’re sticking together, so that’s what we are.” She faltered a little. “If you want.”

“Siblings, then,” Gerry said faintly. “If you want.”

And he did want it. More than anything, Gerry wanted this. 

When Agnes smiled at him, and she hugged him tightly again, Gerry was halfway certain that yet another disaster was about to befall them. He knew that meteors were going to strike, that the ground was going to open up and engulf them, that the world would end in fire and ice, because Gerry was so happy it clenched his heart. He was so happy he couldn’t breathe. 

“It’ll be okay,” Agnes said into his shoulder, “we’ll never have to deal with Jonathan Sims again. I promise.”

****

It was not a promise Agnes kept. 

They ran into him again. And again. And again. Eventually, after meeting a monstrous golem of fear and suffering that induced paralyzing fear so frequently, said simulacrum of human experience became slightly tiresome. And you realized that he was, actually, really not that bright. Or at the very least not very mature. And that his wolf sister kind of wore the pants in that relationship. That he and his wolf sister were like Agnes and Gerry, in every possible way. And that he was, weirdly, deeply kind. And that he loved, so bright and pure and fearsome that it had brought down the world. That he was capable of loving Gerry. Maybe even, given enough time, anyone. 

Many months later, as Gerry, Agnes, Jon, and Daisy sat in an ice cream shop splitting blood orange ice cream (with real blood!) and bickering endlessly about if Friends was the Flesh or the Stranger, that Gerry thought he might feel something familiar in his chest. 

Something that clenched his heart, something that made him so happy he couldn’t breathe. Something that felt like fire and ice and meteors and disaster.

Jon must have felt it. He looked at Gerry, surprised, with ice cream slowly dripping from his spoon and congealing on the table. “What’s wrong with you? Are you ill? Agnes, is he ill?”

“No,” Gerry said, wiping at his eyes. “I guess I’m happy again.”

Everybody stared at him, slightly dumbfounded. 

Daisy barked. 

“You’re quite right, Daisy,” Jon said. 

He didn’t tell them what she was right about, and Gerry never asked. He already knew. 

[honey-hippie-harper]

Little Nightmare Took a Gun...

ADSFGHSDFGHAJ OKAY, FIRST OF ALL THIS IS A GIFT FOR @chiyuki-hiro BC I SAW @healing-winston-pratt AND OMG, HAPPY BIRTHDAY :’) <3

Just wanted to do something for you :’). I hope you have a GREAT day today! <3 :’) and I know you like Winston, so I figured that...yeah.

I hope you like this <3.

It was mildly based on “Maps” by the Fun Home musical. Happy birthday, again <3 (eat a lot of cake, or whatever thing like to eat during your birthday, and always remember to have fun afsghja <3)

Little Nightmare Took a Gun...

“Captain Chromium must die.”

“Say what?”

“He must die.” While Little Jean...Nova, yes. Little Nova (Jean was a no-no. She didn’t like Jean. She had never liked Jean. If she did, she would’ve told him), spoke, Ingrid was peeling a pineapple, which was yellow, yellow, very yellow. Almost too yellow. It probably tasted like garbage because all the bright fruits had something bad in them.

Winston had something personal going on against that particular pineapple. Threatening him by saying today they would share a pineapple for dinner was one thing, but keeping their word was another.

He was going to call that pineapple Phineas.

Phineas the Pineapple. Yes.

Why were they called pineapples, anyway?

They didn’t look like apples at all.

Weird.

Ingrid kept on peeling the pineapple, using a knife, not staring at Little Nova for a second. She didn’t seem interested. But, again, Ingrid never seemed interested in anything at all, besides her own thing, like...slashing, and cutting and making boom-boom sounds.

Ingrid could create explosions at will, which was a power as pretty as her personality.

Boom-boom.

Kaboom.

That’s why nobody liked her.

Kaboom.

It’s not that the others were interested, either. In fact, Phobia wasn’t even here, because they liked to be out there, scaring people to death, or talking to Ace, because Phobia was nothing but a dirty, dirty, noisy bootlicker, who was made of smoke. Like the smoke from a chimney. Though, they more likely weren’t smoke from a chimney, because if they were, they would be made of bricks.

Ingrid kept on peeling Phineas the Pineapple. Its skin was falling off.

Poor Phineas the Pineapple.

Maybe it had a family, back at home. Maybe it had a wife and two daughters, and one of the daughters was a baby. Maybe it had been the one who had made Ace Anarchy’s helmet, and Ingrid was peeling its skin off. Phineas the Pineapple was dying, and maybe it had an abusive brother back at home who used it as a punching bag, waiting for it to come back so he could abuse him again.

Poor, poor Phineas the Pineapple.

Maybe it had a life.

But Ingrid didn’t care about that, did she?

No, she didn’t. Of course she didn’t.

“I think pretty much everyone here agrees on that. I was asking you why are you bringing that up, if I wasn’t clear enough.” She said, and Little Nova flinched.

She was so little. So tiny and so very small. She didn’t look her age at all.

Maybe it was only the fact she was surrounded by old people, in a meeting she had called in for.

They were gathered in Leroy’s wagon, and Leroy was old, and had a lot of scars, and had no brows and his wagon smelled better than Winston’s but worse than Honey’s, who was also old and was laying on the pillow mountain Leroy used as his bed every night, only to complain about having backache in the morning, like the old man he was.

Honey never complained about having backache, but she was always in pain, and her face often looked like a racoon, with all that black liquid running down her cheeks.

Leroy was drinking something from a bottle, while Honey played a boring game in a cellphone they kept in the tunnels. Little Nova had stolen it from someone and it was full of cat pictures. Pictures of very ugly cats, to Winston’s taste. Yuck.

“I mean now. Captain Chromium must die now.”

Captain Chromium must die.

Like that creepy song.

That creepy old song Winston hated.

Lizzie Borden took an axe…

“Now? As in: At this very moment?” Ingrid stopped murdering Phineas the Pineapple for a second and, nonchalantly, cracked her neck by placing one hand at the side of her head, and the hand she had the knife on by her chin. “Do you expect us to break into his house and just..?”

“No.” Little Nova cut her off. She was sitting in the center of the wagon, cross-legged. If she moved her hand a little, she would’ve touched Honey, because the space was limited.

It was like living inside of a cocoon, but less fun, Winston supposed.

At least caterpillars knew they would be pretty when they managed to escape the cocoon.

No.

At least they had the chance to escape the cocoon at some point.

“What I mean, in case I wasn’t being clear…”

“You weren’t.”

“We should start putting the plan together…”

Lizzie Borden took an axe…

“Revenge shouldn’t be denied. It’s their fault my parents are gone. It’s their fault Evie is gone. It’s their fault we’re trapped down here. Like sewer rats...”

And gave her mother forty whacks…

“And you should just let me do that. I’m old enough. I’m ready to do it…It’s what I’ve been raised for, isn’t it?...”

When she realized what she had done…

“All my life, you’ve been preparing me for this. To avenge them. To avenge us. To avenge Ace. My uncle. I’ve been training the majority of my life. Why can’t you just let me get this over with already?”

“Do you have any idea of what are you supposed to do, Nightmare? Do you have the faintest  idea of what it takes?”

“Yes.”

She gave her father forty-one.

Little Nova.

Oh, Little Nova. Dearest Little Nova.

Nightmare.

Dearest Little Nightmare, which she liked more than Jean but hated more than Nova.

But Little Nightmare was okay.

If it wasn’t, she would’ve told him. He had taught her that. He had taught her to let people know when she was uncomfortable. Because they were friends.

They were friends.

They were.

Right?

She held Ingrid’s gaze, fiercely, though Winston could see her knuckles shaking, as if she were very cold.

In retrospect, maybe she was cold, and it was pretty shitty of them to have her here without a blanket, because she was a child who happened to be cold. Hence, she needed a blanket.

Why wasn’t anybody bringing a blanket for her?

Like, Winston would’ve done it, but he didn’t know where Leroy kept the blankets, and if he tried to look for them, then they would scream at him and he didn’t want to be screamed at today, because that was rude and rude people put Winston in a bad mood, which was rude too.

Putting people in a bad mood was rude.

Little Nova...Nightmare kept on looking into Ingrid’s eyes.

“What’s your plan, then?” Ingrid smiled sideways.

It wasn’t a question, but a dare, because Ingrid was being as rude as she would’ve been if she had screamed at Winston.

Little Nightmare’s scarred brow quivered.

“We shoot him in the eye.”

“Your real plan, Nova. I refuse to believe you’re that big of a dumbass. What kind of answer is that?” Ingrid mocked her, going back at torturing Phineas the Pineapple, who would be eaten for dinner because, indeed, they were living down here like sewer rats.

Something was rotting, just like down in the sewers.

“We shoot him in the eye.” Little Nightmare repeated herself, this time in a voice that didn’t sound like hers’, but like the voice of a firm and scary persona instead.

Leroy did pay more attention to her, and so did Honey, whose fingers stopped moving through the screen. Ingrid kept on peeling, but she directed a glare towards Nova, to tell her she was listening...and, as for Winston…

He was already listening way before Little Nightmare became grey.

“Do you think I’m kidding?” Little Nightmare scoffed. “Or are you dumb enough to believe he also has chrome in his eyeballs?”

“Woah.” Ingrid laughed, arching an eyebrow in a sharp way. “You call me dumb one more time, and it’s over for you, kid.”

“I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You won’t be alive anymore if you call me dumb again, either.”

A dark shadow passed through Little Nightmare’s face, as she straightened her back, in an attempt to look bigger. Or braver. Or to compensate something that, at the moment, she didn’t have.

“I think his eyes would work.” She rephrased it, as if it hadn’t been clear enough before. “Eyes are a sensible area, and nobody has ever tried to go for the eyes. If we try to shoot him there, it could work. The impact of the bullet or the venom will enter his system, going through the chrome layer, and it will later reach his brain, which will be enough to kill him.”

And, with that being said, Winston realized how funny this whole situation was.

More than funny, it was hilarious. More than hilarious, it was hysterical.

It was every single fun thing at the same time, which caused Winston to scoff. And the scoff turned into a giggle. And the giggle turned into a chuckle. And the chuckle turned into a wheezing laugh.

Wheezing, wheezing, wheezing.

Like he was out of air.

“What are you even laughing at now?”

What wasn’t he laughing at now.

Everyone was just so funny.

But there was something right there, building at the back of Winston’s brain, kicking his way out, demanding to be expressed.

Do it, Winston.

Do it, do it, do it.

And he did, because his recurrent question always was: What would Hettie do  in this situation?

Hettie would’ve spoken, obviously.

Hettie was loud. Hettie often told him to speak. Winston liked Hettie.

Sometimes.

“Little Nightmare took a gun…” He wheezed again. “Shot the Captain forty times...when she realized what she had done...she shot the Warden forty-one.”

Little Nightmare frowned in disgust, because disgust was Little Nightmare’s favorite emotion. A few years ago, it was joy and sadness. But not now.

Now, Little Nightmare was always disgusted.

It almost seemed like she liked to be disgusted.

To be disgusted at him.

To be disgusted at everyone.

Her expression always said ew.

Winston wished it wasn’t like that.

“I’m...not even going to try to decipher what the fuck you're talking about now.” Honey started getting up, getting on her knees on top of the pillows, while trying to comb her curls with her fingers. Though, at this point, they didn’t really look that much like curls, because her hair was greasy. Little Nightmare’s was too, and that’s why she had tried to tie it, though the greasy locks of hair were constantly in her face. Leroy’s looked greasy too, as well as Winston’s. Ingrid was doing just fine. According to her, washing it daily was more damaging than it was beneficial for her type of hair.

Winston still held faint memories of the day Honey forced Leroy and him to drag a stolen bathtub down here, into the tunnels. The bathtub was still there, and sometimes they used it, by turns, when they managed to convince Winston to drag buckets of water from the surface, one by one, until it was enough to fill the bathtub. Leroy had become lazy over time, and wouldn’t help. In fact, he would refuse to help.

He also had faint memories about the nightly trip to the lake, many, many years ago...or maybe it had been two years ago. Or two days ago. Or a few days ago, though that wasn’t possible, because everyone’s hair was greasy, and it wouldn’t be greasy if they had been at the lake. Maybe it had been a few weeks ago. Maybe it hadn’t happened at all, and Winston had made it up because he could.

 He remembered having gone to the lake when the sun was setting, taking their self-care stuff with them, to use the lake as their personal bathtub. Little Nightmare’s towel remained on the floor until she got out of the water. The same water Winston didn’t get into, because he didn’t feel like it. Because he didn’t like it. Because there were too many people in there, including Little Nightmare herself, obviously.

She knew how to swim and, conveniently, she was also very short, so she had to swim in order not to drown. Ingrid was helping her wash her hair, violently scratching her scalp with her fingertips like she would’ve washed a piece of clothing by hand, until Little Nightmare...Little Nova, took a fistful of foam from her own head and slapped Ingrid with it, telling her to stop that shit (very, very nasty vocabulary. Very unkind. Not pretty. Not cool). Ingrid then defended herself, and Honey was next, while trying to separate them, because Ingrid went ahead and threw water at her, because water directly thrown into a witch’s face was enough to melt her (Winston, to this day, wondered if she was serious about it. Melting witches with water sounded fun).

Winston heard the splashing of water. The screeching. The groaning. The screaming. The screaming he later realized was laughing.

They were laughing, even when Honey fell backwards and Ingrid barely managed to catch her by the arm and pull her forward before she could dive deep into the water.

Leroy, who was next to Winston (or maybe he wasn’t. He didn’t know if the memory was true or not), asked what was happening in there when he heard the silence. Little Nightmare then laughed again. And they laughed, even Honey, as she washed the swollen scratch Ingrid’s nails had left on her skin so it wouldn’t get infected, expressing how unfunny the whole situation was while laughing her head off.

That had been funny.

Very funny.

Winston would’ve liked to be a part of it, while not wanting it to be so at the same time.

But if the memory was true, then he knew he had been part of the s’mores, with the tiniest bit of chocolate and old cookies that, fortunately, didn’t taste as bad as they looked.

When the weather became colder, they went back to the tunnels, wrapped up in blankets. And Winston remembered fun.

Though he didn’t know what the source of fun had been, nor why they had decided not to talk about how they had had fun while showering in the lake.

They didn’t go to the lake anymore these days. And since Winston refused to fill the bathtub on his own, they didn’t bathe there anymore, either. Everybody showered at night, travelling half an hour, once or twice a week, to an old gas station that had showers. In Winston’s case, not always.

No, not always. He didn’t like it.

And half an hour was too much.

Too much.

“But I must say, I’m impressed.” Honey continued, giggling gracefully. “Sometimes it’s a good thing you don’t sleep, Nightmare. Imagine if you did. I feel you would be the type of gal who would wake up in the morning and just say ‘Wow. I’m going to come up with a way to kill myself that is so dumb…’

“Kill myself?” Little Nova...Nightmare, Nova, Nightmare, spat. “Dumb?” She dragged the words out of her mouth again, this time twice as annoyed and mad.

“How...how is that dumb? Isn’t this what I’ve been training for? To take down the Council? To kill Captain Chromium in order to take down the Council? To help my uncle? The only person who’s been there for me? The only person who ever cared about my family?” Little Nova hissed.

Caring.

Caring.

Everybody wanted to be cared for.

She, in particular, needed and craved to be cared for.

Winston cared.

He did.

Hadn’t he been clear enough?

How clear did you have to be to care? Maybe clear as glass, or maybe as clear as unpolluted water, or as an unpolluted sky. When he was younger, Winston read somewhere that there were places where the sky was so clean the Milky Way could be seen at night.

Maybe you had to be one of her parents for her to finally notice you cared, and Winston wasn’t. David and Tala were, and they both happened to be dead as fuck at this point.

Caring, caring, caring.

Dead.

Bang.

Winston didn’t know where Tala was, but he was pretty sure David was in the Milky Way.

Maybe they could go together and look for him in the Milky Way.

"The Renegades took everything from me. It's my turn to take everything from them. We have to take Gatlon back and give it right back to the person it belongs. My un--"

"Hey, Nova?"

As her train of thought crashed against a dead end, Little Nova flinched and stared at him. Her frown was deep as the ocean.

Deep, deep.

Very deep.

She was disgusted.

"What?"

"Don't you wanna run away to New Mexico?"

She was frowning so deep her forehead was turning yellow; yellow as Phineas the Pineapple, and Phineas the Pineapple's blood was bright yellow. But Little Nova and Phineas the Pineapple weren't the same people, which didn’t make sense for many reasons, though Winston couldn’t think of any

Was everything inside of Phineas the Pineapple that yellow? Probably.

Maybe Phineas the Pineapple had yellow insides. Its lungs were yellow, its ribs were yellow, its stomach was yellow, its intestines were yellow, its heart was yellow.

Heart.

Little Nova had a heart too.

Winston wondered where she had inherited her heart from. Did it look more like Tala's or David's?

He could never answer that.

But he knew it didn't look like Ace's.

Little Nova's heart wasn't that empty.

Sometimes it was, when she stared at Winston like that.

But it wasn’t important, because Winston always forgave her, even if she never said sorry.

She didn’t need to.

"Are you making fun of me, Winston?"

"He is, yeah. Of all of us, actually. Why New Mexico?"

Little Nova's gaze shifted to Honey, who was still knelt down on the pillows, but this time she was smiling, as Ingrid arched an eyebrow and Leroy rolled his eyes.

"There are plenty of prettier places we could run away to, not New Mexico. We're not that desperate."

"We aren't?" Leroy crossed his arms over his chest. "Are you sure about that?"

“What do you mean we are?”

“What do you mean we aren’t?”

Winston’s eyes danced from one side to the other. First to Leroy, then to Honey, then to Leroy again.

Little Nova, on the other hand, was only glaring at Honey, because people were too used to choose who could do wrong and who couldn’t. Everyone had their person whom they thought could do no wrong. In Nova’s case, it wasn’t Winston.

In Winston’s case, it was Nova.

Little, little, tiny Nova.

They were friends.

They had been, at least.

Not so long ago.

Well…

Winston hoped it hadn’t been that long ago.

Sometimes everything seemed to be happening at the same time, and it was either too fast or awfully slow, with any sort of in between.

“We could leave the country. I travelled to Mexico with Leroy once. It was lovely.”

“You’re globally known, in case you don’t remember.”

“Pssh. Nobody cares, little Nightmare. Literally nobody but the Renegades care, so don’t let that haunt you. Still, we can live in confinement, if you like.”

Little Nightmare was so mad she was starting to pinch her own arm. Pinch. Pinch. Pinch. As if she were made of dough.

“It’s better than crappy tunnels with no water, if you ask me.”

“And what about Ace?” Little Nova challenged her, but before she could answer, Leroy took the words out of her mouth.

“We put him in the trunk so we can force him to come with us. He likes trunks. I don’t think he has any problem with being in one himself.”

“And how are you planning to illegally cross? Because I suppose…”

“We take him out and we carry him. He’s pretty underweight. At this point, even Ingrid weights more than him.”

“He’s also kinda ill. Maybe he won’t even make it. And if he does, then we get him a feeding tube so he takes his meds. If he fights, we…”

“Stop. Now you’re talking bullshit.” Little Nova seemed to be trying to remain calm, but her entire everything was quivering, along with her willpower not to lose her chill.

“Just trying to educate you.” Leroy said, shrugging, nonchalantly.  “That whole plan sounded like plain nonsense and gibberish, didn’t it?”

Little Nova clicked her tongue, chuckling a little, sarcastically.

“What could possibly make you believe that, Leroy?”

“Then, you answer my question now.” He declared in a hoarse, monotonous voice. “How are you planning to shoot Captain Chromium in the eye?”

Winston didn’t understand the question, mostly because the Mexico plan did make sense, and it could work.

They just were explaining it wrong. There were too many elements in the picture. Too many, and they couldn’t fit each one of them in there. Some had to go and that was just the plain truth.

They didn’t need Ace.

Winston wasn’t sure why, but he knew they didn’t. A thought that only became stronger when Ingrid decided this wasn’t interesting enough for her to pay attention to it, and so she returned to her task of mutilating poor, harmless Phineas the Pineapple. Swish. Swish. Swish.

Swish. Swish. Swish.

Everything was yellow.

A nasty shade of yellow.

It reminded him of Ace, to a certain extent.

Not Phineas the Pineapple.

The knife.

Caring, caring, caring.

Was he the one who cared about Little Nova?

Was he, for real?

Was he?

Because if he was, then Winston couldn’t find a reason why.

And if he couldn’t find a reason why, it must mean they didn’t need to take him with them at all.

Phineas the Pineapple was too kind to be Ace, but at the same time, it was so yellow that Winston could tell it was rotting inside, if not already rotten. Just like Ace.

Simultaneously, he was the knife. But the knife would’ve been nothing if Ace had been the pineapple.

Because if Ace had been Phineas the Pineapple, then he would’ve swallowed the knife.

He would’ve swallowed Ingrid too.

How nasty.

How awful.

“It’s not the same thing.”

“It is, Nova.”

“IT’S NOT! YOU JUST WANTED TO MAKE ME MAD!” Little Nova was red.

Skies, she was so red. And she was also blue. And she was purple.

“If we were to run away, I would’ve made sure EVERYONE could come, just like I’m going to manage to make this plan work!”

“What plan?” Honey spoke this time. Her glossy lips arching into a smile, and her nail on her chin, barely touching her skin at all.

“Uhm?” She hummed, when Little Nova was left with no response. “What plan, sweetness? We’re all ears.”

What plan, indeed?

Because, to put it lightly, Winston was lost. He didn’t know what plan they were referring to now. He didn’t know if they were talking about the running away plan, or the Captain Chromium plan. Either way, he liked running away better.

Again, everything would fall into place if they just left Ace here.

They didn’t need him.

Little Nova didn’t need him as much as she thought she did.

As for Captain Chromium…

As for the caring part…

As for the everything part…

Following Little Nova’s logic...Following Little Nightmare’s logic, also…

Somebody must die.

On that, they were on the same page.

But for all he cared, knowing Little Nova was among that “all”, Winston knew that someone wasn’t the Captain.

A little, maybe.

But not as much as Little Nova thought.

First they had to dive deep into the issue. Deep as they could.

Then, they had to scratch on the details, like panicked stray cats.

Then, they had to look into what they could see, and find a way to see what they couldn’t.

There were some things Little Nova didn’t know, not just about life, or about the surface, or about them, or about herself.

There were things Little Nova claimed she knew, when in reality she didn’t and that was dangerous and blinding like a burning, endless flame that was destroying all her insides, piece by piece, limb by limb, organ by organ.

First, she had to look into the right direction, which was also the one she refused to look into.

Then, Ace Anarchy had to die.

Ace Anarchy must die.

Ace Anarchy must die.

Because Phineas the Pineapple had a wife and two daughters.

Ace Anarchy must die.

He must die, die, die.

Harder than he had died before.

“Who’s gonna tell her?”

Because, if not them...who?

All the eyes directed towards him, again.

They weren’t happy.

Maybe they knew what Winston was talking about, which made him happy, but not that much.

He didn’t like it when people stared at him like that. Why was everyone so rude all the time?

Just...why?

“What did you say?” Nova asked.

Nor carefully, or slowly.

She just asked, in a very Little Nova way.

Fast and impatient.

“I said: Who’s gonna tell you?”

“Who’s gonna tell me what?”

“That’s exactly why you should know.” He sang, giggling and rocking himself back and forth, crossing his legs and grabbing his ankles. Little Nova seemed annoyed, Leroy was just staring, and Honey was massaging the bridge of her nose, with her eyes closed.

Ingrid, on the other hand, was squeezing the knife. Phineas the Pineapple was dead next to her, in a nasty old bowl.

Winston tilted his head to the side, staring directly at said bowl, containing Phineas the Pineapple’s dismembered corpse.

The unreclaimed grave said “Tala Artino & Evelyn Artino”, which should mean they had put Evelyn back into Tala’s stomach. David’s grave was next to it, alone. They hadn’t put any baby inside of him, because the other baby was standing right here, staring at Winston with hate.

The space around those graves was small.

Winston would’ve drawn a circle around the two, the same shape as that bowl, which was now Phineas the Pineapple’s resting place, and that would’ve been enough. They would’ve fit perfectly, the three of them.

But, no matter what they did, they would be still part of another, bigger circle, in which Little Nova was trapped too, alongside Little Nightmare.

“He’s the center of a circle.” Winston concluded, smiling widely. “...but I…” He raised a finger.

“...I can draw a circle. I can draw a smaller circle…” He formed a circle with his thumb and his index, and placed it around his right eye. “...around him...and I can trap him there, like a mouse....”

Little Nova’s expression became sharper.

“...And when I trap him in that circle...his whole life will fit inside.”

And they would all be free.

But he wasn’t going to tell her that.

“The spot where they...died…” Winston placed both his hand right in front of him, trying to calculate the distance by imagining the scale. “....is south….”

The bird nest was south.

Though, as far as Winston understood, the space in the building where the bird nest was located had been sealed, because nobody wanted to live with ghosts.

“....he absorbed their lives too. Yes. We could draw a circle around you too, Little Nova. If only you knew.”

And the sound of the bees right behind him made him straighten his back, to avoid the stingers, but the coldness and wetness overshadowed that sensation.

Upon lowering his gaze, he saw the sharp, shiny blade in which his chin was resting on.

Ingrid’s brown eyes were feeding from his soul, as the gunpowder odor emanated from her, and her knuckles became pale.

Yet, the only thing Winston could focus on, was the smell of rotting pineapple juice, impregnated on the blade.

Phineas the Pineapple.

“Don’t slash my throat with that knife, Ingrid.” He said, in an extremely high-pitched voice. “It’s already bleeding.”

He saw the fear, and saw the terror of the moment Ingrid understood. And as the knife fell to the ground, she came closer. Her cold, calloused hands around his throat, and his hands around her wrists.

“And you’re going down with them.” She whispered.

Then Leroy lifted her up.

That didn’t relief nor annoy him.

He knew he wouldn’t die today. And, certainly, not to Ingrid’s hands.

But a part of him did die, when his eyes laid on Nova, who was now faintly touching Honey’s hand, which at the same time was placed on her shoulder, running her thumb through her skin.

“Get out.” She said.

“Get out.” She commanded.

“Get out.” she pleaded.

And if she didn’t want to see, then there was nothing Winston could show her. Nothing at all he could do for her.

But Little Nova would know someday.

And when she knew, Ace Anarchy would fall.

Winston would wait for that day.

Winston would wait for her.

Because, fortunately, a circle was not enough to fit Little Nova’s life inside yet.

[imaginaryhuman]

Insecurities, Fortitude and the Unfortunate Phenomenon of Gatekeeping

Note:

1. I'm trying to not be afraid of my own opinions (this will probably get a different word wall)

2. This isn't a hot take or a "permanent opinion". It's just...current. I think opinions fit a dynamic mold. Or I think it should since circumstances change and experiences can change thought processes.

3. My initial draft for this was a lot more aggressive and angry. When I started writing, I thought I would only tackle the one thing I was very familiar with (insecurities), then I read an article that miffed me a bit because of the gatekeeping vibes, and for a while, I was angry about it but then I realized how common it was. I've heard it from my brothers, I've experienced it with fandoms, with books, with cooking, and with running. There's even a subreddit for it! 👀

It's not like I'd wake up one day and it will be gone. Still, it does push me a few steps back when it comes to conquering slight misanthropy. But it matters to me to say this cause I grew up seeing myself as some last draw.

_____________________________________________________________

"I feel most responsible for myself when I'm insecure" I've wanted to expound on this for a while so here goes:

I've grown to have an intimate (and rather painful) relationship with insecurities. I was a sickly child so I would be in and out of hospitals so frequently that establishing young friendships didn't come easy. Some kids didn't take kindly to impermanence too and it's not anyone's fault. It just happened to be that way. Growing up, I came to realize that I wasn't exactly great at anything. Had I not been exposed to extraordinary minds, maybe I would have come to terms with it much kindly except I wasn't. I always thought that people around me were brilliant, smart, and talented (until now). To the point where I felt the need to alienate myself from it all so I could remain in the forefront of my own mind.

Comparisons come naturally but having them weigh on you is a different ball game altogether. Learning ways out of it is always challenging because insecurities aren't just a singular form of monster-- Sometimes it's about the future, sometimes it's body image, sometimes it's the gripping idea of not being enough for anything you love and it's all so cursed and horrible.

There was that time when more things were piled up on the mental shelving. I was talking shit about someone. Sure, people do it all the time but I think that time I was... viciously and purposelessly nitpicking. Everything I could say about that person, I said it. Totally not proud of that moment and a friend thought so too! First, they told me to shut the fuck up. Just like that, really. Next is they pointed it out. As in told me "V, you have a problem and it's really fine being a total hater but you're not usually like this with other things you dislike. What's wrong?" and then we EXPLORED. Doing this can be so cringe a lot of times but hey, we face the music in this club! I was happy to not be thinking about it alone and the experience made me learn a new way of confronting things and issues that make me feel insecure.

We talked about the whats, whys, and hows of being one hell of a hater and how even if certain reasons are justified. Like, okay, someone did something bad to you and you hate them for it? That's totally valid. Do you find certain traits a bit off your tastes? that's valid too! But even if they are valid feelings, most of the time it's not enough to justify certain actions. The thing is, we don't really have the right to be so up in someone's business about every little thing they do. It's frustrating and I feel like a hypocrite saying this sometimes because I have the obsessive compulsion to keep everyone at arm's length but I feel like there's a parameter where peoples' businesses either become something welcome or becomes a blip on a radar that I'd aggressively shoot down. Although I know that my radar can get too wide and that I need some willpower to hold back snark and suspicion. What can I say, I'm weak to any notions of ill-intent (a byproduct of assault).

But fortitude would sometimes come from borrowed words:

"Don't deny yourself what you think but don't do yourself a disservice by not figuring out what it really is about"

I was told then. To be truthful but exercise tact (I'm neither tactful, clever nor silent hence the trouble that follows) and to be mindful of the undercurrents of my thoughts. I think it's important to take a step back and at least ask yourself the most honest and genuine whys.

Insecurity has a bad rep and is too often used derogatorily for something so common and rather natural. But I feel that ultimately, insecurity stems from an understanding of what you don't have and the frustration of having aspirations. Having aspirations being a good thing but the frustration makes us people act up in so many different ways. For me, insecurities have primarily manifested themselves through the urge to just hide everything that makes me happy because I couldn't (and it's still hard to) stand digs at the things I do to keep me sane. Plus I've always thought them (happy things) few and temporary so that's that. Younger me was weird about it omg.

The rule in this house now though is to express what makes me happy and I think I've saved up a bit of grit to not allow myself to be gatekept (by others and by myself**) from those happy things! I love a lot of things (baking, running, reading, pets, anime & manga, drawing...) and the gatekeeping going on with all those? Surprisingly plenty! A totally different word block (that I won't write because I think this has to be put to rest here), really, and also a total nightmare. But how it applies in the realm of insecurities is... Oh, boi. Ignore it-- it's just bad news as it is strong fuel to a fire you don't want to keep going. If you love doing what you do and you're not hurting anyone then just keep going. I know for a fact that the things I love doing are loved by many others too because running? Creating things? Reading? These are things worth loving without it having to be a competitive chore (If you wanna challenge goals though then hey! Good on you! YOU CAN DO IT!)

Draw your lines, plan your layering in a way that fits your style. Use the tools that work for you. Put on your shoes and get going. I'm only particular with speed because I want to get better (and lol I am not fast) but just being out there and moving? That's already running. Fail some recipes or nail em, whatever happens, just try. Fangirl over what you wanna fangirl about! Post it on your IG and all your other socials. A rather horrifying realization is that no matter what you do, someone's gonna take a dunk at ya. Worse, you can be intentionally approached and engaged for that purpose primarily. It's okay (not really but... if it happens, it happens ). Even if you're used to it, it will still get to you but maybe less and less through time. When the voice of apprehension guides you to retaliate in the most painful way you know, just keep the fear at bay and be strong to not let that urge take over your words and actions. Be frustrated! It's fine! And I really don't support self-harm so please don't misunderstand when I say that when it comes to fear and insecurity, there's a lot you have to take on yourself so you don't hurt others. A lot to unpack between you and your brain. There are people who can love you without patronizing you and those you can trust to reign you in when you lose better judgment. Be honest and let them in.

Have that conversation.

//

Extras:

- AH! But I got to say this cause I also saw a post that said "if you haven't ran 50 to 100 miles, you don't know what a hard run is" wow. Fuck that guy. Actually, don't. He's probably not a fun date.

- this: "you can be intentionally approached and engaged for that purpose primarily" is from experience. An extra worse thing is to be vilified for retaliating. Like...was I just supposed to sit there and take it?

- I used to not like motivational quotes! I mean, I'm alright with them now for sure! We were talking about them and I was asked "What's wrong with properly credited borrowed words? You use them all the time since you like referencing songs." and it was like a tunnel of light appeared before me! Sorry for those whose post I've frowned at! I had an angst phase! I am very genuinely sorry 🙏🏻

[thewriting-corner]

‘Renegades’ trilogy by Marissa Meyer: review

Welcome today to a post I have been waiting to do for months. I never do entire posts for book reviews, but since this was a trilogy (and one of my favorites I read this year) I decided it would deserve a little more.

Note: I will be doing a spoiler-free review first and then I’ll put a warning before talking about each individual book :)

Synopsis: The Renegades are a syndicate of prodigies—humans with extraordinary abilities—who emerged from the ruins of a crumbled society and established peace and order where chaos reigned. As champions of justice, they remain a symbol of hope and courage to everyone... except the villains they once overthrew.

Trilogy Review ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I honestly think these are the best books I’ve ever read. The description was fascinating, easy to follow and gave amazing imagery without that heaviness that a lot of fantasy books have (this is more sci-fi/dystipia-ish but still).

The characters felt real and their individual voices were clear from start to finish. I loved every single character, even the ones I hated. 

However, there is one thing that bothered me BUT it does align with their world and that is the lack of accountability certain characters recieve (but I will be talking about that in my Supernova review).

Then the PLOT OH MY GOSH. I mean, it’s superheroes. It’s nearly impossible to be original with a plot that isn’t the same as any Marvel or DC comic/movie/show. And yet Marissa Meyer that such a beautiful job of taking a common conflict (heroes vs villains, villains wanting to take over the world) and turning it into a unique plot with amazing twists. 

I mentioned the world-building before, but I’ll do it again. Third person POV is not my favorite and neither is heavy world building like the one this book needed and had. Still, it was written in such a simple way that I didn’t feel like she was trying to confuse me, it was just a story.

Overall, this series was amazing and I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a fast paced, mind-blowing world building and compelling characters that will make you feel single to the core even in a relationship.

🚨Spoilers Ahead🚨

Renegades ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“We were all villains in the beginning.”

I went into this book with low expectations because I didn’t think I’d like Marissa Meyer’s style and boy was I wrong.

The first few chapters were a bit confusing but the moment Adrian fixed Nova’s bracelet I KNEW this would steer towards romance and it sold me. And then Nightmare making fun of the Sentinel for his comic book phrases and poses was my favorite thing ever. That would be me as a superhero, no doubt.

I really liked the way the plot progressed “slowly” without feeling dragged on. In fact, despite it’s slower pace of the story, the book still felt quick and that just won a million points with me.

Don’t even get me started on the Anarchists. I LOVED them. I like how they weren’t presented as villains from Nova’s POV, just enemies of a totalitarian state. Not even just in her point of view though. I genuinely didn’t think any of them were bad until Ingrid decided to show up at the library and almost killed Sketch’s crew.

And speaking of Sketch’s crew … the minor characters??? Hello??? Who writes side characters that are SO good?? Oscar is my favorite though. He wins. Danna being the only one to question Nova about Adrian’a feelings for her was hilarious, although it stressed me out that Nova put her to sleep. Counterpoint: it was very cute that the only way she could stop thinking of Adrian liking her was by putting Danna to sleep. Very on point teenage reaction. I would’ve done the same thing if only I wasn’t trying to remain anonymous in the organization that indirectly killed my parents. 

The climax, on the other hand, felt a teensy bit rushed but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy Nodrian in their not-date. It was adorable, especially when they stopped at the kid’s party and then Nova panicking over the mere thought of going on the ferris wheel with Adrian. All the carnival chapters where my favorite thing ever and I really wished they hadn’t ended with Nova killing the woman who raised her. But I did like the irony of it being Ingrid who told her she didn’t have the guts to press the trigger and then she died at the hands of Nova’s gun. 

AND THE ENDING WITH ACE BEING ALIVE. That shook me. I suspected it, of course, but it shook me to my core. 10/10 plot twist there.

Archenemies ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“I guess I figured you deserve to have good dreams every once in a while. Even if you never sleep.”

This one gets six stars because somehow I read it in 11 hours and I’ve never read such a large book in one day. The entire story was just fast-paced action, superhero world building and Nodrian flirting and eventually kissing. Best book ever.

I liked how in this book we got a closer look into other character relationships like Oscar and Ruby and then Danna’s suspicions over Nova. I would’ve liked to see more of Danna’s friendship with the team though, since at times it seemed she was only there to send passive aggressive comments at Nova. And the Sentinel’s “death” was amazing. Pure comic book material right there. 

There is this thing though that I mentioned in the general review that bothered me and it’s when they reveal Agent N. This weapon they created using Max’s blood is a great example of how the Renegades had obtained way too much power. It’s when we start to see that maybe Nova and the Anarchists are right. The Renegades are slowly becoming a dictatorship and it’s bothersome that nobody except Nova and Adrian notice. Especially when it was so obvious with things like them using Agent N “against every prodigy who didn’t follow the Renegades code”. Sure, they were criminals, but that wasn’t about arresting them. It was about changing the DNA of people who made one mistake and were immediately deemed enemies of the state.

Back to the good stuff, Nodrian flirting was the highlight of this book. They’re both so awkward and adorable, especially when Nova’s teaching Adrian how to shoot and then when they’re in his room later on. The whole “you want me to ignore everything?” and “you’re not allowed to have girls in your room?” quotes KILLED me. Those were peak flirting moments and I’m immensely surprised by the way that Marissa Meyer manages to write teenagers realistically as an adult and not even having teenage kids of her own. Also, Nova opening up to Adrian was just. No. It killed me. My ghost is writing this btw.

The ending, once again, amazing. I loved it. Not only did it once again show Frostbite’s true colors, show us how much hate Adrian actually held against Nightmare and the way Nova had softened by the Renegades’ influence. And Ace Anarchy’s capture goes into the good things pile.

Supernova ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“To be honest, I’m not sure there are such things as villains anymore. Maybe there never really were.”

Is it a bad review if I just insert the word “AH” for the next ten lines? Yes? Damn it. I admit that I was expecting something much different, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I have never cursed and squealed so much by reading and had I not bought the hardcover with my own money, I would’ve thrown that book against the wall. It stressed me out. First of all, getting Nova and Adrian kissing in the tunnels a few chapters before Adrian arrests her for being Nightmare was another level of messed up. Clearly, she did everything in her power to save him from her house’s explosion and he threw it out the window in blind anger. And then the whole execution thing??? That was horrifying and it’s when the Renegades’ incompetence really showed its true colors. They couldn’t bring the people back to their side - because they failed - so they sentenced a broken, dying man and an underage girl who acted under the manipulation of her entire family, to death. If Hugh had ever even attempted to find out what happened to both Artino girls, none of that mess would’ve happened, but instead Lady Indomitable died and he went “WELL, can’t do anything about her last task, can we?” I get he was preoccupied by her orphaned son and the Ace of Anarchy, but it was as simple as going back into the house and searching. In fact, this entire book was just showing how their society was crumbling and in the end they went “we were all heroes”. I’m surprised Nova forgave the entire Renegades organization for what they did because even if it was Ace who sent a hit after her and her family, the Renegades were still willing to overuse their power. 

And once again back to the good stuff before I end up bashing the Renegades even more, I never thought I would be on board with Adrian and Nova’s relationship at the end of the book. I try not to ship toxic relationships in YA because they happen a lot and I wouldn’t like younger readers to think that it’s okay, but I loved how both Nova and Adrian were willing to make a change for their relationship to work. They compromised because they loved each other so much it didn’t matter who had tried to kill the other person and their dad or who hadn’t advocated against the other’s execution, you know, the ups and downs of every relationship. While I do wish we had seen them talking about everything, I get a book can only have a certain amount of words and I was glad just the same with how it ended. Also, Leroy’s threat to Adrian is iconic, just like Oscar proclaiming his undying love for Ruby at the arena were they almost witnessed multiple murders.

The epilogue. Just. Wow. I knew it before because I’m smart and I spoiled it but I NEED another Renegades book. You can’t just end the series saying Evie Artino was Magpie and her being as angry as Nova once was. Like, no. You just can’t. That was a crime against humanity, tbh, but overall the series was amazing and I have never been more grateful to spend almost $80 in books. 

[dothwrites]

15.12 coda--a parent’s heart bared

Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.--Debra Ginsberg

---

Castiel sits on Dean’s bed, legs tucked up under him. 

It took him a long time to learn this kind of nonchalance, his body unwilling to bend after millennia of enforced rigidness. It took years to teach it how to relax, to learn how to relax into a space, how to be loose. 

He learned from Sam, but mostly he learned from Dean. How to be excessive. How to stretch out into a space. 

In the past weeks, he and Dean have had to relearn how to stretch themselves into the same space. They’ve had to learn how to fit themselves together, how to file away their jagged edges until they’re something resembling smooth. 

They’re still not perfect. There are still those discordant jangles that strike, the times when the memories rise up, bitter and choking, in the back of Cas’ throat. Sometimes, Dean will look at him and something dark and hard lurks in the back of his eyes, but those times are growing fewer and fewer. 

Mostly, Castiel relaxes into the feel of Dean. Like now, when he sheds his clothing, dropping it carelessly into the hamper, until he’s in just a t-shirt and his boxers. Castiel watches Dean brush his teeth and run his fingers through his hair, just the easy, calm routines of night, but Dean makes them look like a dance. 

Dean turns around and catches sight of Castiel watching him. “What are you looking at?” he asks, but there’s a pleased little smile on his face. Dean likes the attention, same as Castiel likes giving it. 

“Come to bed,” Castiel replies. 

“Take your damn shoes off you savage. And the coat. And the jacket. And the tie.” 

Castiel rolls his eyes, already toeing off his shoes as his fingers work at his tie. “You know that I don’t need to be undressed to find comfort.” 

“Yeah well, it’s weird trying to snuggle up to someone who’s wearing a tie. And it’s just bad manners to put your shoes on someone’s bed.” Dean’s eyes flick over his body, a swift, appreciative dart as Castiel sheds his button down. “Hey there hot stuff.” 

“It’s late and you’re tired,” Castiel says flatly, though not without a small amount of regret. 

“You’re no fun,” Dean accuses, but doesn’t try to argue against Castiel. 

Castiel settles back onto the mattress, the foam easily forming to the contours of his body. Dean follows a few moments later. Tellingly, he slots his body next to Castiel, laying his head onto Castiel’s shoulder. 

Dean is still a man of hard-broken habits, created from a lifetime of fighting and losing and hurting. Even now, he still refrains from asking for or seeking comfort unless it’s the most dire of circumstances. 

Castiel holds back, even though the words crowd on the tip of his tongue. It’s what he’s learned--he has to wait for Dean to approach him, for Dean to drop his walls and allow Castiel to help. 

He doesn’t wait long. 

“So Kaia’s going to Sioux Falls with Jody,” Dean says. His breath wafts over Castiel’s chest. Were this a different night or a different mood, this conversation might end much differently. But Castiel’s learned control--Dean doesn’t need that from him, not now at least. “I guess she’s going to be another citizen of the Wayward Girls.” 

Castiel hums in agreement, unsure of where Dean’s taking this topic. “Jody had a kid the first time we met her,” Dean continues. “A son. Her kid.” His fingers push into Castiel’s side before he continues. “Never figured out how he died the first time, but the second time...Sam put him down.” 

Castiel’s heard the stories. At the time, his vision tunneled by the upcoming apocalypse, he’d expressed what he thought were the appropriate noises of sympathy and changed the subject as quickly as he could, unable to see why he should spend sympathy on one dead human when there were billions of lives at stake. Now, with the memory of Jack’s screams still echoing through his memory, Castiel understands. 

“Losing your kid...” Dean trails off, but Castiel thinks that he’s finally managed to unravel the thread of this conversation. 

Jack is still a tender subject, the edges of the wound not quite healed. There’s too much anger, guilt, love, and worry to tape over and forget. Castiel knows; Castiel understands. But the fact remains that he never wavered in his belief and Dean...

“I thought about being a dad,” Dean says, turning his face so that it’s mostly hidden in Castiel’s lap. The heat from his breath spreads out over Castiel’s pants, turns them humid and damp, but Castiel doesn’t dare to move. After a moment, he settles his hand onto the back of Dean’s neck and lets his thumb rest in the hollow of Dean’s jaw. 

Dean relaxes into the contact. His shoulders loosen, even as his arm wraps firmly around Cas’ waist. “Just, you know. Sometimes. I knew that it was never going to happen, but still...” He trails off and Castiel lets him. He’s had to learn to let things go. To accept that some things, Dean just can’t--won’t--do. 

“Thought that I’d gotten it there for a while.” Castiel knows where Dean’s mind goes--to the year when he was with Lisa and Ben, the year where he tried his best to fit in with civilian life. To give it his best shot at normal. And meanwhile, while Dean was languishing away, Castiel was making deals with the devil. 

Castiel doesn’t care to remember those years. 

“But it wasn’t...It wasn’t...” Dean huffs in frustration. “I always said that it had to be someone in the life. Anyone else, they wouldn’t get it. They wouldn’t...And then, with you, and Sam, and Jack...It just...it worked.” 

Castiel strokes over Dean’s temple. He knows what Dean means. Jack fit into their lives, seamlessly as though he’d always been there, and Castiel had rejoiced, had found different ways to tell Dean--This is it. This is our family. This is where we put down roots.

“And then it got all blown to shit, and...I’m just thinking.” 

“About?” Castiel finally dares to ask, when Dean trails off into silence.

Dean rolls onto his side and looks at Castiel. 

“About kids. Claire, Kaia...Jack...They’re really all just kids. Every one of them...” Dean’s voice grows thick and he speaks through it; for his sake, Castiel pretends to ignore it. “Everyone of them got screwed over by their parents.” Dean inhales, loud and shaky in the silence of the room. “I always promised myself that I wasn’t going to...That if I ever had a kid, that I would...you know. I wasn’t going to be my dad.” 

Castiel’s thumb stutters to a halt before he continues. “He was a complicated man,” Castiel says after a moment, knowing the veritable minefield he’s just entered into. 

“That’s a nice way of saying that he was a dick.” Dean’s laugh is a small, sad thing. “For so long, I told myself that he did the the best he could, but he didn’t. He didn’t do the best he could--He could have stopped. He could have left us with Bobby. He could’ve...shit, I don’t know, but he could have done so many other damn things rather than what he did do. And I always said...I’d do it differently. I’d treat my kid different. I’d be better. And then I turned around and I put a gun to my kid’s head.” 

Castiel’s throat constricts. Seeing Dean, the man that he loves, the man that he had died for, would still die for...Seeing Dean standing there, his only thoughts intent upon Jack, the boy who he’d given himself up for, would eventually die for, and knowing that there was nothing but anger in Dean’s heart...If he slept, he would have nightmares about it. He still sometimes, in the strange suspension between awareness and not, thinks about it and what he could have done differently. Still examines the what-ifs from every angle, just to see--Was there anything he could have done? 

“It’s over,” Castiel says, for Dean’s benefit but partially for his. “Jack is back, and...” He tries to put into words, how much Dean has changed. How much better it is now--the automatic trust. The way that Dean’s eyes shift to his, checking in. The surprising lack of temper, even as sometimes their world caves in around them. It’s so much better, and Castiel needs to tell Dean.

“I let him down Cas. I let him down, Sam...I let you down...And all I wanted to do was to things right. To make it better for him. For all of them.”  

Dean puts a small emphasis on the word ‘all’ and Castiel knows what he’s thinking of--not just Jack, alone and afraid, so much newer to the world than any of them, but also Claire, Kaia, Patience, Alex...All the children they’ve met along the way, battered and broken, who deserved better. 

“So we’ll make it better.” The certainty settles in Castiel, above his roiling doubts and fear. “We’ll fight Chuck...We’ll end Chuck, and we’ll make it better.”

“Yeah?” Dean looks up at him, but it’s hope and not doubt in his eyes. “You think?”

Castiel holds Dean close and pushes away all of his doubts and fears--of how they’re going to kill the creator of the universe, what doing so will do to his boy, how he and Dean will weather the change, of the gloom and blackness slowly gathering at the corners of his vision, a reminder of a deal unfulfilled and a debt unpaid. 

He pushes all of that away and concentrates on what he knows to be true: Dean beside him. Dean, flawed and human but trying, always trying to be better. Castiel holds onto the hope that the past few weeks have given him, holds on so tight and so long that he thinks that it might cut him to ribbons. There’s not another option. Not for them, and not for him. 

“I know,” Castiel replies. 

---

Perhaps it takes courage to raise children.--John Steinbeck 

[justcallmefox89]

Artist in the Devildom

Jax has just arrived in the Devildom as the newest human exchange student at R.A.D.  With Arianthi and the seven lords of the Devildom to guide them this exchange year should be a breeze.  Right? 

Written from the perspective of my non-binary OC, Jax Montgomery.  Jax uses they/them pronouns.

This story takes place in the Truth or Dare AU where Mammon and Arianthi get engaged.

I would like to give a massive shout-out and heartfelt thank you to @fivenightsat-enbys​ for all their help and being so wonderfully patient with me and my questions.   

The flash of bright white light is blinding, and my body feels like it’s falling through an endless tunnel.  I know that this is allegedly safe, but that doesn’t stop me from scrunching my eyes closed and letting out a high pitched scream.  I’m still screaming when I feel my feet touch solid ground.  After a few seconds I simmer down and open my eyes, blinking away stars.  

Once I can see again I find myself standing in front of two men and a girl around my age, in an office that can only be described as rich old white man aesthetic.  Lots of large dark oak furniture, some obviously antique oil paintings of naked people and things I’ll probably have nightmares about later.  Gold lighting fixtures.

Into it.  Very into it.

I clutch onto my duffel bag and octopus plushie, shuffling my feet and giving them all an awkward wave.

“Yo,” I say, attempting a smile.  

Given the current state of my stomach and the fact that I was currently standing in the Devildom, face to face with some real life demons, it feels a little forced.  

Why did I agree to this?  Definitely, most probably, in the top three of my worst ideas of all time.  

The taller of the two men steps forward, flashing me an enthusiastic grin.  

“Jax Monteiro?  Welcome to the Royal Academy of Diavolo.  We’re so excited to have another human student here!” 

“Whoa!  Down boy,” the girl says, stepping towards me with giggle, patting the auburn haired man on the arm.  “Give them a second to adjust.  Portal jumping is harder on us poor humans than it is on you all.”

She holds out her hand.  “Hi Jax, I’m Arianthi Wolf.  I’m the ambassador to all the exchange students here at R.A.D.  And I’m a human student too, so you’re not all alone down here.”  

She gives me a soft smile of reassurance.

I quickly give her hand a shake, returning the smile, mine more genuine this time.  Arianthi is about six or seven inches shorter than me, with long curly black hair and bright green eyes.  A smattering of freckles runs across her nose and cheeks, standing out against her pale skin.  

I’d love to draw her.  

I’m itching to get my hands on my sketchbook.  

The guys too.  And this room is insane. 

She motions at the auburn haired man next to her.  He towers over her, looking like a giant standing next to a pixie.  I’ve always considered myself tall at 6′3, but this guy has a good six or seven inches on me.

This must be how mom felt when she asked me to get stuff off the high shelves at the grocery store.

“This is Lord Diavolo, founder of R.A.D., and the human, angel, demon exchange program here.  The goal is to bring the celestial realm, human realm, and the Devildom closer together and foster a better understanding between the three.”  She pauses for breath.  “He’s also the prince of the Devildom.”

Holy shit.  

“Do I need to like, bow or something?”  I ask nervously.  

Diavolo chuckles.  “Please don’t.  I just wanted to welcome you to the Devildom before returning to my duties.  Arianthi will help you get settled in and go over your course schedule with you.  You’ll be staying with her at the House of Lamentation along with the seven lords of the Devildom.”  He gives me a boyish grin.  “I hope your year with us is less eventful than Arianthi’s first year.”

“Diavolo!”  Arianthi gives him an exasperated grin while he waggles his eyebrows at her. 

He holds his hand up, laughing.  “Sorry princess, I couldn’t resist.”

Princess?  Oh, I’m totally asking her for a story time once we’re alone.

Diavolo motions the other man in the room forward.  He’s closer to my size, with delicate features, turquoise hair, and moss green eyes.  

“This is my servant Barbatos.  If you find yourself needing anything and are unable to reach Arianthi or any of the lords, he can help you.” 

Barbatos offers me a small nod.

“Barbatos is the one who really runs things here.”  Arianthi gives me a mischievous smirk.  “He’s also an amazing chef.  The best baker in all three realms.  His devilberry tarts are to die for.”  

She mimes swooning.

Barbatos beams at her praise.  “You flatter me Arianthi.”

Diavolo rubs his hands together, smiling.  “Well, we really do need to be going.  I have to welcome the new angels to Purgatory Hall.  I’ll leave you to it Arianthi.  Don’t worry Jax, you’re in very good hands.”  

He gives Arianthi a wink.

Hate to break it to you Diavolo but as cute as she is, I’m more interested in how good your hands are.

“Dia!”  Arianthi gives him a dirty look.  “Stop that!  I’m sure Jax doesn’t appreciate it, and you know Mammon hates it when you do that.”

Mammon?  A third player has entered the game.  This could be some spicy telenovela shit.  Must.  Know.  Now.

Diavolo just chuckles at her and exits the room, Barbatos in tow. 

“Okay, tell me everything princess.  I have to know.”  I smirk at her and she rolls her eyes good naturally. 

“Dia and I were a.....thing for a while.”  She waves her hand dismissively, looking slightly annoyed.  “He’s still a little in his feelings about things, but I’m engaged now.  Sometimes he likes to push my fiance’s buttons.  Diavolo is a lot of fun but he is a world class shit stirrer.” 

“Mammon is the fiance?”  I guess.

She gives me a soft smile.  “Yeah.  He lives at the House of Lamentation too, so you’ll be meeting him soon.  Anyways, we should get going.  Do you need help carrying anything?”

I hold up my duffel bag and my plushie.  “This is all I brought with me.  But you can carry Samson if you want.”  

I hand over the large purple octopus.

“He.  Is.  Adorable.  Levi would love him.”  She cuddles Samson close to her chest as she leads me out of Diavolo’s office.  

“So, right now we’re in the Demon Lord’s Castle.  Diavolo and Barbatos live here, and there are always some high ranking demons staying here too, trying to get in good with Diavolo.  You’ll be here off and on throughout the year for parties and things like that.  Hopefully you’ll escape the “bonding sleepover” ordeal I went through my first year.”  She shudders.

“Bonding sleepover?  Like a summer camp bonding sleepover?” I quirk an eyebrow at her.

She gives me a long suffering look.  “Dia is like a kid in a candy store when it comes to human world activities.  It was his idea.”

I chuckle.  “It was that bad?”

Arianthi holds up a hands and starts ticking events off on her fingers.  

“I got sucked into an evil possessed painting with some others and we ended up in the dungeon.  In the dungeon we were almost eaten by Henry 1.0, who may be the biggest snake to ever exist, like anywhere.  Then when we tried to get a picture of Lucifer sleeping we ended up getting chased by Cerberus and we wound up in the dungeon again.  Where Henry 1.0 tried to eat us.  Again.  And there was a pillow fight where everyone ended up unconscious except for Diavolo and Lucifer.  And me, but only because I was hiding under my bed.”

I stare at her, mouth open, debating if she’s being serious or not.  She looks back at me, face unchanged.

“Oh, wow, you’re actually being serious,” I say.  

I don’t know if I’m terrified or....nope.  Definitely a little terrified after that story.  And why did they want a picture of Lucifer sleeping?

As if she can sense my fear Arianthi gives my shoulder a comforting squeeze.  “I know it sounds insane but every day isn’t going to be like that here.  And you’ll always have someone looking out for you.”

I breathe out a sigh of relief and give her a quick grin.  “Thanks, Arianthi.”

We make our way outside, and I’m startled by the fog and dim sunlight.  

It’s the middle of the day, right?  Or does time work differently here?

I must look confused because Arianthi quickly explains.  “Time works the same here, but the weather is different from the human realm. We don’t get bright sunlight down here.”  

She shrugs apologetically.

“It’s all good,” I tell her with a smile.  “I figured things would be different when I agreed to all this.”

She giggles.  “At least they gave you some warning.  I was one of the first humans picked for the program and they just zapped me out of my apartment without warning.  One minute I’m on my couch watching The Great British Bake Off, and the next I’m down here.  Mammon and Asmo had to take me shopping for a whole new wardrobe.”

“Damn.”  I join in on her laughter.  “So how did you adjust to being here?”

Her mouth scrunches to one side as she ponders my question.  “It was hard, that first month.  None of the demons were really used to humans, and a lot of them didn’t want me here.  But I gradually got closer to the brothers and that helped.  Now it’s hard to imagine my life without them.  They’re family now, you know?”

I nod.  “Do you think I’ll have any issues here?”

“Nah.”  She shakes her head.  “I’ll be looking out for you and whatever classes we don’t have together you’ll have with one of the boys.  Lucifer made sure of it.  But if you do want to go out somewhere be sure to take me or one of them with you.  Some of the lower level demons are still assholes about humans being here.  I get a little more respect now that I’m Mammon’s fiancee and a full time resident of the House of Lamentation.”

We meander through the R.A.D. campus, Arianthi pointing out various buildings and explaining the curriculum to me.    

“Ok, so......the seven demon lords that we’ll be living with.  Lay it on me.  I wanna know what I’m getting into.”

Arianthi takes a deep breath.  “I’ll just give you the rundown from oldest to youngest.  Hold on, because this family is a roller coaster of ‘what the fuck’.”

I snort out a little laugh.  “I’m from Florida.  There is literally nothing here that can shock me.”

“If you say so,” Arianthi replies with a smirk.  “Buckle up buttercup, because we’re going to run through this fast.  Oh, and the brothers are ranked in accordance to how powerful they are, not their actual ages.  But they are all thousands of years old, in case you were wondering.   Anyways the oldest is Lucifer, the Avatar of Pride.  He’s Diavolo’s second in command down here.  Very serious, doesn’t laugh much.  He’s like the dad at the House of Lamentation.  But not the fun kind.  Don’t let any of the others talk you into trying to prank him.  Unless I’m in on it, because I’m always down for that shit.”

I have found my people.

“The second oldest is Mammon and he’s the Avatar of Greed.  Don’t leave anything valuable laying around or he’ll take it and try to sell it for some quick Grimm.”

“Wait?  Isn’t Mammon your fiance?”  I’m confused.

She gives me a self-deprecating shrug.  “The heart wants what the heart wants.  We’ve been working on the stealing thing, but at the end of the day he is the Avatar of Greed and it’s hard to control that.  He models too, to earn some extra Grimm.  I’ve been pushing for him to do more of that to curb the stealing.  Oh!  I forgot, Grimm is our currency down here.  I’ll hook you up with some so don’t worry about that.”

“Oh no you don’t have to-” I try to protest but she cuts me off with a smile.

“Really, I want to.  I want you to be able to enjoy your time here, not worrying about trying to find a part time job to earn some cash.”

“Lucifer is the house dad, but you’re totally the house mom aren’t you?”  

Seriously, this girl might be an angel.

She blushes a little.  “Um....guilty.  I sort of fell into it my first year here.  The boys needed someone to take care of them then.”  She pauses.  “They still sort of do honestly.”

I laugh.  “Alright, who’s next?  Hit me with it.”

Arianthi pauses, like she’s trying to come up with the right words.  “Levi.  Well Leviathan, but you can call him Levi.  He’s more introverted than the rest.  Very into gaming, anime, movies.......and a book series called The Seven Lords.”

“I’ve read that!”  I exclaim.  “Great series.  I brought some anime with me too.”

“Cool.”  She grins at me.  “Sounds like you guys have some things in common.  I bet he’d love to see some anime from the human realm.  He’s obsessed with Ruri-Chan too, but I’ll let him explain all of that to you.  He’s also the leader of Hell’s Navy because of the whole lord of the sea thing he’s got going on.  And he’s the Avatar of Envy, so try not to take any of the things he says too seriously when he’s acting jealous.”

“Wait, what?  Lord of the sea thing?”  

Mind.  Blown. 

“Yep.”  She nods enthusiastically.  “He can summon and control sea monsters and all sorts of underwater nightmare fuel.”

“Bad fucking ass.”

“Right?”  She laughs.  “On to the next.  This is where things get kinda weird.”

“Weirder than summoning sea monsters?”  I ask.

“Like daddy who is also my brother weird.”  She answers with a straight face.

“Get the fuck out of here,” I say with a laugh.

“Satan is the fourth brother.  He’s the Avatar of Wrath so try not to piss him off.  He’s very intelligent, loves to read.  But don’t touch his books without permission.  Actually, just stay out of his room all together.”

I look at her and smirk.  “This is all fascinating but I’m still waiting on the daddy/brother angle.”

She laughs.  “Ok, ok, ok.  When the boys fell from heaven Lucifer’s rage was so intense that it became a sentient entity.”

“Satan?”

She shoots me some finger guns.  “Exactly.  Lucifer and the other brothers raised him.  He gets a few characteristics from each of them, but he’s most like Lucifer.  Which pisses him off because he hates the thought of being like Lucifer.  And Lucifer doesn’t want to think of Satan as his son, so everyone just refers to Satan as their brother.”

I shake my head in wonder.  “It’s just like being back in Florida.”

Suddenly a white haired demon comes and grabs Arianthi from behind, picking her up and spinning her around.

“Yo, what the hell?”  I yelp in surprise.

The demon sets her down, hugging her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder and nuzzling his face into her neck.  Arianthi lets out a high pitched squeal as his hair and nose tickle her.  He eventually stops, staring at me suspiciously over her shoulder.  

“Hey babe, who’s he?”  

Awkward.........

Arianthi elbows his ribs.  “Mammon, this is Jax.  They’re the new human exchange student who’s going to be staying with us this year.  So be nice to them.”  

She stresses my pronouns and a look of realization crosses Mammon’s face.  

“Oh shit!”  He looks contrite.  “I am so sorry.  I shoulda thought before I said anything.”  

He releases Arianthi and holds out his hand.

I shake it.  “No worries.  It happens.  Thanks for apologizing though.” 

He gives me a crooked grin.  “Still, I am really sorry.  Won’t happen again.  And if anybody tries to mess with ya since you’re the new human around here, THE Great Mammon will handle it.”

Arianthi rolls her eyes fondly at me and shakes her head behind his back.  “I’m sure Jax appreciates the sentiment, but everything will be ok.”

I grin back at Mammon.  “Arianthi’s probably right, I should be fine.  It’s cool of you to offer though.”

Arianthi wraps her arms around his waist and looks up at him adoringly.  “But if any demon does try to give Jax a hard time I’ll tell my big, strong, handsome fiance and let him sort them out.”

Mammon puffs up with pride and he looks down at her lovingly.  “Damn right ya will.”  He presses a kiss to her forehead.  As he pulls away he notices Samson in her arms.  “Oi!  What is that?”

“Isn’t he cute?”  Arianthi holds him up and wiggles one of his tentacles.

I shrug and kick away a rock.  “He’s mine,” I admit.

“Cute as hell,” Mammon says, one slender finger reaching out to touch the plush fabric.  “Levi would love ‘em.”

“That what’s she said.”  I gesture at Arianthi.  

He chuckles, throwing an arm around her shoulders.  “I just wanted to tell ya hi baby.  I gotta run to the store real quick then get back to the house.  I’m on dinner duty tonight with Levi.”  

Arianthi stretches up on her tiptoes to give him a soft kiss on the lips.  “Ok, I’ll see you at home.”

“See ya later.  Bye Jax.”  Mammon gives us a small wave and starts to walk away.

“Oh!  Don’t forget that Beel had practice today so make extra!  He’ll be hungrier than usual!”  She calls out after him.

He turns around and blows her a kiss to acknowledge that he heard her.  She smiles as she watches him walk away, then turns back to me, serious.

“I really am sorry about that.  I’ve told everyone your preferred pronouns so it shouldn’t happen again and if it does -”

I hold up my hands and give her a small smile.  “Hey, hey, hey.  Shit happens.  And it’s not like he did it on purpose.  Plus he apologized, then offered to look out for me which was pretty cool of him.”

She still looks concerned.  “I just don’t want you to feel like you can’t be yourself.  Especially at home.  I want you to be comfortable here.”  

“It really is fine.  He figured out his mistake and apologized, and I bet it won’t ever happen again.”  I smile and gently nudge her with my elbow.  “And if anybody starts some shit I’ll just let the house mom take care of it.”

Arianthi gives me a soft shove and laughs.  “Damn right you will.  I’ve got your back down here.”

We start walking again.  

“Ok, who’s next in the line up?”  I ask.

She gives a big sigh.  “The Avatar of Lust, Asmodeus.  You can call him Asmo, everybody does.”

“Lust hmmm?”  I raise my eyebrows.

“He’s sweet, he really is.  Very into self-care and indulgence.  Just don’t spend any time alone with him until we know how his powers affect you.”

I look at her in shock.  “Are you saying he’d try to.......?”

“No! Nothing like that,”  Arianthi reassures me.  “Asmo would never force anyone to do anything they didn’t want to do.  But since he is the Avatar of Lust he’s able to bring out other people deepest wishes, kinda like a walking aphrodisiac.  Some people are immune to it, others can learn to block it out.  Those that aren’t have a tendency to.......overindulge in their most decadent desires.”  She gives me a pointed look.  “So until we know how you’ll react, no alone time with Asmo.”

I make my most serious face and give her a quick salute.  “Yes ma’am.”

She uses one of Samson’s tentacles to slap my arm and laughs.  “Smart ass.”

I smirk.  “Alright, Asmo is number five so who are the last two?”

Arianthi chews on her lower lip for a moment, as if internally debating what she wants to tell me.  Finally she gives me a small smile and starts to talk.

“Beelzebub is sixth and Belphegor is seventh.  We call them the twins though, because their father created them at the same time, and they’re extremely close.  They’re together almost all the time.”

I interrupt.  “Wait, their father?  Like God?”

Arianthi’s eyes grow dark and she scowls.  “He’s a piece of shit,” she mutters.

“Did you just call God a piece of shit?”  I ask her, shocked.

“When there’s a dad out there who can make my dad look like Father of the Year, then you know the guy’s a total ass bag,” she growls.

“You just called God an ass bag.  I feel like I’m missing a lot of backstory here,” I respond.

She shakes her head as if she’s shaking away her negative thoughts.  “I’m sorry Jax.  There’s a lot of history you’ll learn this year, and how the boys fell from grace is part of it.  It was hard on all of them, but Beel and Belphie took the hardest hit.  It will be up to them to tell you their side of things though, in their own time.”

“No worries.  I’ve got patience for days.”  I grin at her. “You’ve got serious beef with God huh?

“I’d throat punch him if someone gave me half a chance,” she answers seriously.

“You don’t look like it but you’re frightening.”  I laugh.  “But it’s the kind of frightening I want on my side at all times.”

She laughs with me.  “I told you I have your back Jax.  Always.”

“That means a lot Arianthi.”  

Not many people do now days.  

“So Beelzebub and Belphegor?”   I ask.

“Beel and Belphie.”  She smiles to herself.  “Beel is the Avatar of Gluttony, and his food intake is phenomenal.  Do not ever come between him and his food, and if you see a container in the fridge with his name on it, don’t even breathe near it.  He once wrecked the kitchen and one of the walls to my old room because Mammon and I ate some of his custard.”

I stare at her.  

“It’s like I haven’t even left Florida,” I whisper reverently, and she huffs out an amused laugh.

“A lot of people treat Beel like food is his only interest, but it really isn’t.  He plays sports and he works out everyday, so if you ever want to join him for a workout he’d be thrilled to have a buddy.  He’s really sweet, thoughtful, and kind.  And sensitive, but he tries to hide it so he can stay looking strong for the people he cares about.  He never wants to let anybody down if they need him.  He’ll open up if he gets close to you though.”

“It sounds like you guys are really close,” I say quietly.  

I wonder how Mammon feels about that?

She stops walking and turns to look at me, a shadow passing over her face.  “I’m an only child and my mom and dad weren’t very good at the whole parenting thing.  I wound up in foster care when I was 5.  Stayed there until I aged out.  I would have given anything for a big brother like Beel back then.  He’s really taken care of me since I’ve been here, and been nothing but supportive of me.”  She gives me a shaky smile.  “I’ve got my big brother now so I try to look out for him however I can.”

“He sounds like a really good guy,” I say, suddenly feeling guilty for my earlier thought. 

“He is,” Arianthi answers and we resume walking.  “Belphie is the Avatar of Sloth, so he’s constantly sleepy.  He can nap anywhere, and he gets super cuddly with people when he does, so if that’s not your jam be sure to let him know.  Don’t touch his cow pillow.  He’s pretty sarcastic and he can be hard to get to know, but he’s sweet when you do.”

We turn a corner and she stops in front of a large three story house.  Even though it’s well maintained and beautifully built something feels a little......off about it. 

This place would give the house from Texas Chainsaw Massacre a run for it’s money in the creepy as shit category. 

“Here we are!” she says brightly.  “The House of Lamentation, and your new home for the next year.”

My eyes dart around, taking in every detail of the house as we walk up the steps to the front door.  

Arianthi suddenly pauses with her hand on the doorknob.  “Jax there’s something else you should know about the house before we go in.”

“Ok?” I say, confused.

“Satan is a little bit of a crazy cat lady.  He’s rescues strays and keeps them until he finds new homes for them.  Lucifer says he can only have one in the house at a time, so you may occasionally be called upon to help hide one.  Or five.”

“Totally ok,” I answer with a grin, relieved that the big secret is just contraband kitties.  “I love cats so no problem on that front.”

She smiles at me as she opens the door.  “Great!”

We walk into the foyer and she shuts the door behind us.  

“Also, allegedly some guy murdered his whole family here a long time ago.  So this place is probably haunted.”  She smirks at me.

“Of fucking course it is,” I mutter, playfully giving her a dirty look.

“If it makes you feel better I’ve never seen any paranormal stuff as long as I’ve been here.”

“It does.  A little bit.”  I look over and smile at her.  “Oof!”

I ram into something large, solid and......warm?  I look in front of me and see a very large, very muscled chest.  I tip my head back until I see a pair of friendly violet eyes looking into mine.  

“Beel!”  Arianthi gives him a quick squeeze.  “This is Jax, the new exchange student.”

“Sorry for running into you,” I say.  “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”  

I take a step back so I can get a better look at him.  Like Diavolo, he is huge.  And built.  Really built.  His shaggy, bright orange hair highlights the color of his eyes.  

“It’s ok,” he tells me, smiling before he takes a large bite of the sandwich he’s holding.  He squeezes Arianthi back.  “Hey Arianthi.  When’s Mammon coming home?  He’s supposed to make dinner tonight and I’m starving.”

That smile is goddamn adorable.  

I shake my head.  

Get it together.  You’ve seen cute guys before.  But he is beyond cute.  And built.  And taller than me.  And if he’s everything Arianthi says he is............  

I quickly slam that thought back into its box and tune into their conversation.  

Arianthi is frowning.  “He should be back soon.  If he isn’t I’ll help Levi get things going so dinner isn’t late.”

He beams at her.  “Thanks Arianthi.”  He turns that megawatt smile to me.  “Do you need any help getting your stuff to your room Jax?”

I’m flustered.  Why am I flustered?  I don’t get flustered.  

“N-n-no.  Thanks though.”  I give him a small smile.  

Did I just stutter?  Oh god.  

I internally cringe.  

I see Arianthi’s eyes flicker between the two of us, and she gives me a mischievous smile.   

“We might need help later though.  In case they want another dresser or any of the furniture from my old room brought into their room,” she tells him.  

Beel gives us another easy grin.  “No problem.  I’ll be in my room if you need me before dinner starts.  See you later Jax.”  

He ambles away, munching on his sandwich.

“See you,” I call after him.  

I look to my right and see Arianthi looking at me with a shit eating grin on her face.  

“Shut up,” I mutter.

“He’s cute right?”  She nudges me with her elbow.

Oh my sweet baby Jesus yes!  

“He’s ok,” I say, trying to stay nonchalant.  “Seems nice.”

“Is nice Jax code for a “total snack”?  Or “I want to climb him like a tree and never come down”?”  She snickers, teasing me.

“Ok, you are officially the worst,”  I tease back, reaching out and ruffling her hair. 

“But am I officially the worst and right that you think Beel is a cutie?”  She raises her eyebrows.

I’m saved from answering by Mammon bursting in through the front door, two shopping bags in hand.

“Oi!  H-h-hey Jax.  Hi baby.”  A faint pink blush dusts his cheeks and he tries to quickly edge past us.  “Runnin’ a little late, gotta get dinner goi-”

Arianthi snags the hem of his jacket, stopping him his tracks.  “What’s the rush my love?”

“N-n-no rush.  Just wanna get dinner on time.  Ya know how Beel gets.”

What is he so nervous about?  

I’m suddenly very suspicious.

Please don’t be a fuck boy Mammon.

She pulls him closer and loops her arms around his neck, leaning in to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.  “Mammon?”  

“Y-yeah baby?”

“Why do you smell likes witches?”  Arianthi keeps her voice light, arching an eyebrow at Mammon.

Ooh, I know that look.  Mom used to give me that look all the time.  Wait, witches?  They have witches down here too?!

“I maybe, mighta stopped at a little card game on the way to the store.”  Mammon’s tone is smug, despite the guilty look on his face.

Arianthi rolls her eyes, smiling.  “How much did you win?”  

“650 Grimm.”   He smiles back at her.

She holds her hand out in a “gimme” gesture.  

Mammon groans, reaches into his jacket pocket, and hands her a thick stack of bills.  “Come on baby.  Aren’t ya gonna let me keep any of it?”

She quickly divides the money, handing half to me and pocketing the rest.

“Wait, what’s this for?”  I ask, confused.

“We agreed that whenever Mammon goes gambling half of whatever he wins goes to you, so you’ll have Grimm for whatever you need here.  And the other half goes to a joint project we’re working on.”  Arianthi laces her fingers with Mammon’s and cuddles into his side.

Mammon’s irritation is instantly gone, replaced by a dreamy smile as he squeezes her hand and presses a kiss to the top of her head.  

“That joint project is going to be amazing.  I just know it,” he softly whispers.  

“What’s the project?”  I ask, curious.  “If it needs any artwork, I could totally help you guys out with it.”  

Arianthi disentangles herself from Mammon.  “It’s a surprise for his brothers.  It’s really sweet of you to offer Jax, but I wouldn’t want to bother you -”

“You won’t!  You wouldn’t be,” I interrupt.  “I feel bad just taking your money like this, even if you guys did plan it.  So let me help you out with whatever art you may need done for this project.”

“That’s really cool of ya Jax,” Mammon says, grinning at me.  “We appreciate it.”

“Seriously,” Arianthi echoes.  “I saw some of your art when I went through your student profile.  They are insanely freaking talented,” she tells Mammon.

I can feel my face turning red.  “I’m not that great,” I manage to mumble.

“Hey, if you’re good at somethin’ don’t go bein’ modest about it,” Mammon tells me.  “I gotta go get started on the food before Beel smashes down another wall.  See ya at dinner.”

“See you,” we respond in unison as he moves towards the kitchen.

“We should get you settled into you room,” Arianthi tells me.  “I’ll show you the kitchen after dinner; you’re on dish duty with me tonight.  I hope that’s ok.”

“Totally fine.”  We start climbing a set of stairs.  “So are you going to let me in on what this surprise project is?”

“Are you going to tell me what you really think of Beel?”  She counters with a smirk.

“Touche.”  I smirk back.  

“Ok, here you are.”  She stops in front of a closed door.  

“That’s Beel and Belphie’s room,” she says, gesturing to the door to the right of mine.  “And Mammon and I are to the left of you.  My private library and office is on the other side of our bedroom.  If you ever need to use it you’re more than welcome to; I never lock the door.  I’ll show you where everyone else’s rooms are tomorrow.”  

“Sounds good.”  I smile at her as she hands Samson to me.

“I’ll let you check out your room and unpack your stuff.  If you think of anything you want for your room we can go check out my old room tomorrow and see if you like anything in there.  I’ll come get you in about an hour for dinner.  If you need anything before then just knock, ok?”

“Ok.”  I open the door to my room, then think of something.  “Hey Arianthi?  Will my iPhone work down here?”

She shakes her head.  “No, but we’ll get you set up with a D.D.D., which is the Devildom version of an iPhone.  Barbatos is supposed to bring one by in the morning for you.”

“Oh cool, thanks.”  I smile at her and she turns to go into her room.  

“Hey,” I say quickly.

She pauses in her doorway and turns towards me.  “What’s up hun?”

“You would’ve made a really good big sister.”

She gives me a gentle smile.  “Thanks Jax.  That means a lot.”  

She slips into her room, softly closing the door behind her.  

I step into my new room and start looking around.  There’s a desk, a couch, a small dresser, and what has to be a king size bed.  

Fucking awesome.  And an en suite bathroom?  I officially love this place.

I drop my bag onto the floor and wander over to look out the window.  My room looks out over a wide expanse of forest.  

Pretty view.  

When I turn back around I notice that someone has left a pile of things stacked in the far corner of the room, next to my desk.  Someone has left me a bunch of............ art supplies?! 

 An easel, canvas, charcoal, sketchpads, pencils, oil paints; I eagerly rummage through what looks to be anything my little artist’s heart could ever possibly need or want.  

Arianthi.  Had to be.  Her thoughtful ass would do something like this.  

Grinning to myself I shuffle over to the bed and flop down, cuddling Samson to my chest.  

I think I’m gonna like it here. 

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 14

Brennan Says It’s My Turn With The Daddy Issues

So we’re in hell--literally, not emotionally (at least for the moment). We being Fig, Riz, Gilear, the Hangman, and the blood-imp valet that Fig created last week who is ostensibly named Wretchrot but also picks up the nickname Baby this episode because of shenanigans. Wretchrot brings them all to where they’ll be staying, says a bunch of wild stuff in his weird Rita Repulsa voice, and drinks Fig’s blood which is what he is made of. Riz is bullied by the Hangman and misses the other half of his Nerd Squad. 

Anyway, Wretchrot takes the group on a little tour of Gorthalax’s stuff starting with the library which includes books that steal souls and also legal texts (redundant). Fig looks for a book on devil dating advice while Riz looks for something on the Hellish legal system On a 17, Fig finds a Manual for Succubi and Incubi about extracting souls via the penis. More helpfully, on a 16, Riz finds out that coups are baked into the ruling system of hell and killing someone to ascend to the throne is pretty par for the course. 

Next up is the hall of treasures where there are suits of armor themed to the 7 deadly sins including kinky, gimp, Lust armor they briefly consider equipping either Gilear or Kristen with (Ally breaks at that). There are also these Venitian style masks through which the people who failed to kill Gorthalax to take his place are forced to watch him do his thing. 

They pass through a hall of mirrors which they realize is a kind of security system as it shows things as they really are. Wretchrot appears in the mirror as a drop of Fig’s blood. The Hangman appears as a huge puppy!!!! (OK, a hellhound but all canines are puppies). Riz holds up the photo of Kalina to the mirror and, in the mirror, can’t see her in the photo. However, he does she her in the mirror itself. She waves at him and then appears “in person”.  Fig doesn’t know this is going on and asks Riz if he’s emotionally OK with the fact that they just whip out the photo of his dead dad on the regular. Riz says it’s fine but he quickly becomes less fine when Kalina asks if he'd like to see his dad. He starts to answer her out loud but she tells him that, by talking out loud, he’s tipped off Fig potentially so he should lose her and then meet her alone. The Hangman guards everyone while Riz and Fig split up, to find stuff to test in front of the mirror. Well, that’s the stated plan anyway.

Back in Arborly, Adaine is getting to check an item off of her Teen Girl Life Experiences checklist: Spilling Tea About Your Friend’s New GF. She gleefully does the whole, “I can’t tell you but I’ll tell you if you guess right,” routine before outright confirming that while crustacean shenanigans were happening in the house Fig and Ayda were sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Everyone in the group goes feral over the news, especially the Gay Squad. She vaguely recalls that Ayda also told her some information about a rune or something but everyone agrees that she retained the most important information. 

They decide to call Aguefort about their coins and the rune (Kristen wisely having all the infected people leave the room). Aguefort tells them that the coins that they have comprise Kalvaxus’s hoard but not his original hoard as it has been spent and invested and put into the economy. Classic Ship of Theseus problem (ie: If you have a ship and you start replacing damaged parts of it, by the time you've replaced all the parts, is it even the same ship?). He also reminds them that spending the gold as quickly as possible is a good idea to avoid the dragon madness curse which is on all dragon gold (a weak but very hard to break curse). That prompts Adaine to describe the rune she discovered to him and he tells her basically the same stuff Ayda did last episode. She wonders if dragon madness could be the larger, static curse under which the trojan horse curse (the spellbook) is hiding. Gorgug wants to give all of the gold away and Fabian is not about that life at all.

Back in hell (literally and emotionally now) Riz prepares to meet Kalina. With a 25 Investigation, he finds a sliver of mirror that he can bring with him to keep from being tricked. He’s also mindful of being paralyzed while he’s with Kalina at the edge of a hell cliff so he anchors himself with a rope tied around his waist. Kalina is her usual aloof, darkly charming self when they speak and Riz is pretty flustered, asking if she was his dad’s familiar (no). Kalina says that Riz didn’t really know his dad and the question he isn’t asking but should be is how did his dad meet her in the first place.

She takes him to a little secret passageway which she says goes to a liminal place where he can see between the levels. She gives him the help action to get a good look (which makes Murph extremely nervous) but he only gets an 11 which means all that he sees is a cold, white light coming from the opening. He tries to use his mirror to look inside but on a 13 dex save, his footing is shaky and some rocks fall down the side of the cliff (he’s fine). Kalina says that he’s gonna have to man up and walk down the tunnel if he wants to see what’s going on. She fully reveals that she’s incorporeal and can’t actually touch him to mess with him if that helps at all. 

Riz is clearly struggling with the choice but he ultimately decides that he can’t pass up this chance and that he can trust Fig to rescue him if things go south. He leaves her a note and then steps through. Within the tunnel, he can feel things watching him and hear a chittering that’s weirdly somehow coming from him. In front of him is a smoky room lit by a cone of light--think interrogation room in an old detective show. In a chair, covered in blood and shit and tattered clothes is Pok Gukgak, gagged and chained. Riz reaches for him but, as he tries to step forward, he reaches the end of his rope. Someone unseen splashes Pok with water and tells him to “confess” and “tell us what you know.” Riz pulls out his gun--his dad’s gun--to shoot out the light. As he does, a thought comes unbidden: You know what the kind thing to do with that gun would be. That shakes Riz so he lowers the gun and starts to untie himself. He’s stopped by Kalina (speaking in his mind) who tells him that if he steps in the light, he’ll be on another level of hell in the Iron City of Dis for real. Not just looking in. Riz pulls out his mirror shard and confirms that it really is his dad in there being tortured. He leaves the tunnel.

Kalina says that she knows Riz is all hopped up on doing his quest and stopping the Nightmare King but if he just stops, if they all stop, none of his friends will have to die and, bonus, maybe there will be a little rescue mission for his dad in it for him. Riz wants to know if Pok knew what her true nature was and he seems to think he cheated on his mom with her (“I know what happened between you two. I can do the math.” Which seems logistically improbable but OK). She reminds him that Pok was a spy which means it’s naive to think that every thing he did was good and taunts him about his clue hound nature before vanishing.  

Riz meets up back with Gilear and Fig and he spills about everything. Gilear wants Riz to have lunch and drink some water before he does anything rash. Fig says that they don’t need Kalina to rescue Pok. They know crazy-person Bill Seacaster who’s also in hell. She lights a beacon to help him find them (if you remember, the Hangman has been attempting to contact him for Fabian). One thing I didn’t mention before is that Fig brought up the idea of temporarily installing herself as the ruler of Gorthalax's section of hell so she’d be a powerful enough devil (or devil-adjacent entity) to get them into Sylvere. Wretchrot said it was probably a no-go since she’s half mortal but, now, on a 29 Riz re-reads his legal book and realizes that Fig wouldn’t actually have to kill Gorthalax to take his place, she just needs to defeat him, which she technically has by putting him in a gem and they put that together almost before Brennan is done narrating. They have a new plan.

The other Bad Kids are discussing what Arianwyn is up to and Gorgug suggests that maybe she’s not actually working with Kalina. Maybe she’s playing along but actually has ulterior motives. Kristen looks at Arianwyn’s notes and on a 24 “Empath Roll” (Brennan converts this Ally-ism to an Insight check) sees that at a certain point, Arianwyn started making leaps in her research that were too lucky and suggest someone was helping her--possibly the entity she was researching. Adaine thinks about calling her mom using Sending or her new Sinod of Spire spell but Ayda calls Adaine and asks if she can come over. Of course she can. She comes with her recently summoned tropical fish familiar in a bubble of water--it has the very Albus Severus name of “Garthy and Adaine the Fish” which Adaine is thrilled about but also suggests shortening to GAF (and also considering reconstituting it into a cuddlier form--though the image of her dumping Boggy into GAF’s bubble is super adorable). Meanwhile, Kristen is thrilled to welcome her to “the family” because being gay is the same as visiting an Olive Garden (this is a shirt now because Ally said it which is too much power to give to Ally). Ayda kinda sucks some of the fun out of teasing her about her relationship with Fig by being extremely forthright about it but Kristen and Adaine brighten at the thought that Fig will be a lot more fun to tease. 

But, back to business. Ayda has not slept because she’s been working on getting to Fig. The whole group is like, “Bitch, are you OK?” and give her an ice cream sandwich which is proper Good Friend Protocol if you have them on hand I think. Ayda is super worried about Fig and is just about ready to unmake everything standing between them (Normal lesbian move according to Kristen). They talk her down for the moment in favor of sending Fig a message: Fig you sneaky bitch. Ayda’s here. She wants to invade hell. You good? PS: OOOOOOOOOOOH. PPS: Ask Kalvaxus about dragon madness. Fig completely misses the fact that they know what’s going on with Ayda (you’d think they’d be more in sync which each others’ texting shorthand) and sends back a message saying she hopes they have fun with her but, “not too much fun,” and also that she, “is king” with no further explanation. Wild. 

Ayda, who is still super keyed up to get Fig, thinks she can figure out the Planeshift spell but she needs more time to work on the spell which she could get...if they steal her dad’s time stopping pocketwatch. Considering they watched Aguefort grab the sun out of the sky the other day, they’re not super down to have a possibly adverse encounter with the man but they hear her out. While they do that, Gorgug takes his now working phone and just straight up calls the guy, explaining the situation (including Ayda’s involvement) and asking to borrow the watch. Aguefort is a little taken aback by the fact that Ayda would want any kind of contact with him at all because about 300 years back, she told him to never contact her again and that she would leave notes to her future self detailing why, which is why he hasn’t really been in her life. He lets him borrow the watch for a week (after which time it will return to him) and asks him to tell Ayda what they talked about, leaving the door open for a possible future relationship between them. When Gorgug returns with the watch and the news, Ayda breaks a little and reveals she didn’t even know she was that old. Presumably because her notes start about 150 years ago with an apology that her past self wanted a fresh start and destroyed the last several batches of notes. She hates herself for doing that and Kristen gently tries to get her to cool it with the negative self talk. Then, they hit the button on the watch and they have a week to work. 

The Wizards work on Planeshift. Fabian and Kristen go to the shrine and Kristen--mirroring her vision from episode 1--sits down to draw the unknown goddess from the mural. Her Spirit Guardians emerge and start to kinda deride her for the sincerity of her action. She in turn decides that she’s done with this wishy-washy “above it all” attitude and dismisses her Spirit Guardians for good (making her, as far as I can tell, the only cleric in Solace with a 100% turnover rate on her Spirit Guardians). She finishes the picture and it feels somehow significant, to her and to Tracker too (who can look at it without wolf-raging out). Gorgug uses the time to “get smarter” which bumps his score from an 8 to a 9 (which has no mechanical implications). Ayda is also working on a side project but she’s keeping it a secret from Adaine. 

In hell, the tribunal is called back in session. Fig comes in ready to claim her hell passport and the throne along with it. On a big ol’ 30 persuasion check--and because the law is on her side--Vrath is reluctantly convinced to confer upon Fig the title of arch-devil (via a full lip kiss which is some Poison Ivy bs) The new title comes with an upside pentagram mark on her forehead, full fire immunity (very convenient considering her new constantly on fire gf), and resistance to poison. However, Vraz is about to force the Hangman to stay in hell due to a legal technicality when who walks in but BILL FORKING SEACASTER, who invokes the law of the blade and immediately starts stabbing their way out of there and hustles the group to his ship (Goldenhoard’s reshaped corpse) which was indirectly named by Fig we learned after the thing that would annoy him the most--The Goldenrod.

Bill gives Fig (who is feeling iffy about her archdevil decision) a pep talk before fully signing up for the rescue mission of the dad of his son’s BFF. We also learn that Alastair Ash is interning on Bill’s ship! He’s pretty happy to see Fig and Riz but if he sees Fabian he’s fully gonna kill him. Right around now, the Bad Kids not in hell remember they can talk to the group via the Hangman and check in since the week of stopped time is up. The Hangman is like, “YOU NEED TO COME HELP US RIGHT AWAY!” They (everyone but the HangVan) Planeshift onto the deck of the Goldenrod which is being targeted by monsters and devils commanded by Vraz. Alastair makes good on his threat and starts trying to shank Fabian immediately (which Bill is hilariously blase about). Ayda opens up a portal to the sea and tries to flood Hell from the top down but Fig stops her, saying that they need to get to the second level to save Pok which seems like it will be quite a task with all the monsters Vraz is throwing at them. Luckily, Bill has money for days (and that money is somehow worth something in hell) and has a whole fleet to back them up for our big Hell Pirate Battle next episode! 

Detention

Gorgug for Bad Gossip Etiquette 

Look, obviously Kalina was the worst person in this episode. Like, duh. But, also, it feels like cheating to punish the Vader of the series for doing something bad. Like, yeah! That’s what she’s supposed to be doing!

So, instead, today’s dubious honor goes to Gorgug for the much less damning but more relatable sin of making his girlfriend aware of tea but not spilling it. Say it all or say nothing! 

Honor Roll

Gorgug for Being More Insightful Than His 8 9 Int Would Suggest

Back to back double awards.

Wisdom is not the same as Intelligence and I actually have no idea what Gorgug’s Wisdom score is on paper but he showed a lot of in this episode.

I think he’s been the first person to suggest that whatever’s going on with Arianwyn might not be as cut and dry as it seems and then, of course, he decided to, instead of trying to Ocean’s 11 Aguefort to just slip out and have a quick heart to heart with him. One that affects him surprisingly deeply. And him bringing up his own experiences with no knowing who his birth dad was was just the chef’s kiss on top of it all.

I don’t think Brennan actually intended them to Oceans 11 Aguefort because that would be crazy, but Gorgug is the one who stepped up to solve the problem for the group with a little compassion and I think that more than earns him the spot.     

Random Thoughts

Trailer for Season 5 is dropping Thursday so get hyped! 

“Are you looking for the Teen Zone of the bottomless pit?”

“The fief of this dom.”

“You’re a little nerd. Tell the cool girl what you know.”

“If I had new parts, where would they go?”

I love Fabian’s confident assertion that Ayda would “love shrimp river”.

Line of the night goes to Ragh for, “Frankly, bringing up the rune in this context is homophobic.” And Adaine’s followup of, “I apologize. As an ally, I’m always learning,” was also great.

I love that the girls instantly understand Fig’s earlier hot tub comment with the new context but the boys are still clueless. 

Watching Emily and Murph have their own little side adventure was so great. They are so fun together and they were clearly having a blast.

I wonder if Gorthalax can tell than Fig just got his title. Either via the title itself or his patron status.

Fig bringing up Riz’s dad to be like, “Are you OK?” caught me so off guard and it seems like it caught Riz off guard too. I hadn’t really thought about it but the fact that Fig had is just another example of her being extremely bighearted and doing a bad job of hiding it. 

Emily’s impotent “rage” as all the party members loudly gossiped about her and Ayda and she couldn’t do anything about it because she wasn’t in the scene was *golden*. 

Kalina leaves Riz so he can watch his dad but, if you think about it, that’s all placebo because she couldn’t do anything to him whether she’s appearing to him or not and she can watch through his eyes regardless anyway so it’s just like, “Do you want me to be visibly watching you or invisibly watching you?” 

Does Kalina have, like, a range? Like, if she can literally just see out of the eyes of people that she’s infected, that limits her to a certain cone of vision and range of movement. But it seems like she can appear to a person and move independently around them to some degree, see things they can’t, point things out, and move away from them. How far away? How independent can she be? What are the logistics here?

Also, on the topic of logistics, it seems extremely hard to know someone for as long as Pok knew Kalina and not realize they’re non-corporeal. Like, even if you’re not a touchy person, eventually you’re gonna bump into them (or, in this case, not bump into them).

Man, the dice really hated Murph this week and, honestly, good. His scenes, imo, work so much better if he doesn’t get to Ally his way out of them with a Nat 20. Him being toyed with by Kalina and unsure and lost is the more interesting version of this sequence of events. 

I feel like he made some big swings and misses this ep though. Like, asking if she was Pok’s familiar? Why would that have been a thing? I’m surprised he didn’t ask if he was the goddess’s familiar--though I guess they might not want to let on how much they know but bringing up the concept that she’s anyone’s familliar I think is kinda of giving the game away.

“I have a hard time making conversation with my friends, let alone you” Riiiiiiiiiiz.

Kalina brought up Kristen to Riz specifically, which I find interesting. (She also said that Kristen used to worship Sol which isn’t strictly true, she worshiped Helio, but same family and that was likely just a slip of the tongue from Brennan. Just wanted to point it out). 

Who does Kalina even work for? Like, it seems like she’s working with the Nightmare King but if she’s the mystery goddess’s familiar like we all think then that’s weird because it doesn’t seem like the NK and mystery goddess are together. Like, a part of me is just dumping everyone antagonistic to the Bad Kids into the same “Bad” bucket in my head but there’s no way all of these people have totally aligned goals. 

“Dragon madness 69”

It’s brought up again in this episode that some of Arianwyn’s research was requisitioned by Pok earlier which I want to ascribe significance to but I’m not in a theorizing headspace right now so I’ll just point it out for anyone who does want to play Gukgak.

I’ve been kinda wondering about the logistics of Aguefort and Ayda and how old that dude is but I totally forgot Chronoancy was a factor which I guess indirectly answers any and all questions about that. It also adds some dimension to his character that time travel is a thing that kinda makes you feel unmoored from time, which I think goes some way (though not all of the way) in explaining why he’s so feral. And, speaking of Aguefort insanity, he was also at the party Zelda was at last episode in the form of an owl as the beer pong mascot. Which Gorgug has Thoughts about. 

I really really want Adaine to talk to her mom in the Synod of Spires. Have you guys realized that, for as much of a driving force Arianwyn’s been this season, she’s had almost no dialogue? She has talked I think 3 times total in all of FH: During Adaine’s intro, Apologizing to her when Aelwen was arrested, and the Message Adaine found from her last episode. That’s it. We know almost nothing about her. What is her deal? Also, Siobhan just always kills during all of her one-on-one scenes and I’m biased.  

Love the return of the Bad Kids being unable to make a phone call and stealing the phone from each other to tag in with their own nonsense. 

Wild that Gorgug was able to get through to Aguefort since he has a history of pissing that dude off by saying the wrong (well, “wrong”) thing.

Shoutout to Gilear for being the Designated Dad of the Hell Trip and making sure the kids were eating and stuff. That was a very endearing moment. 

Also, while we’re on the topic of Gilear, he also cleared up that Sandra-Lynn never seriously propositioned him in an irresponsible, “Let me give you a Magic STD” kinda way which was something I’d been thinking about so I’m glad he said something (though the kids kinda aren’t even though I think we’re way past the point of TMI here).  

“Hiss at her litigator.”

Riz, who Fig is Looking to be the Voice of Reason re: Her Arch-Devil Upgrade: This is super rad.

I’m very curious about whether Brennan fully planned for Fig to decide to take Gorthalax’s place because, on the one hand, my brain didn’t go there at all but, on the other, getting Emily Axford to install someone--possibly herself--into a position of power is like getting Siobhan Thompson to steal a book I feel.

Fig Upon Being Told That Ayda Told Everyone About Them: Fuck.   

I feel like Kristen is gonna wish she had her big moment of emotional catharsis AFTER this big hell pirate fight and not before when she can’t summon her Spirit Guardians. 

Man, we haven’t gotten a big, enthusiastic, “Papa!” from Fabian in a while have we? 

No crits in either direction this episode which is wild considering Fig got a THIRTY at one point.

[pinnithin-writes]

Good Jokes

Chapter 9

The next day brought sharks and gunfire, squids and murder. Dr. Coomer, with newfound vigor from the previous night’s rest, was racking up a pretty impressive kill count, growing in power as more of his clones were eliminated. Tommy drifted away in his head most of the morning, dwelling on his father’s words and the guilt that came with them.

He kept an eye on Benrey, as always, but there was little need to. The entity had chosen to cooperate for the most part, aside from pestering Gordon every step of the way. Gordon had learned to just go along with Benrey’s gags, giving him space to blow off some steam until he got bored. It was a surprisingly effective method of dealing with the guy, and Tommy once again found himself struck by not only Gordon’s strength and tenacity, but his remarkable resourcefulness. Maybe that doctorate from MIT really was worth something.

Controlling the entity (as far as the entity would allow himself to be controlled) was pretty much the only win they had that day. The rest of their journey had them swimming through drowned, claustrophobic tunnels, avoiding the jaws of the creatures that slithered within. Tommy wasn’t a fan, but Gordon outright hated it, coughing and spluttering every time they surfaced, waterlogged and exhausted.

The adrenaline in Gordon’s blood was pretty much the only thing keeping him moving, yet he fought on, intent on making his way to the Lambda Lab. Right. The Lambda Lab. Find the lab, close the rift, and then they could all go home.

Tommy very, very badly wanted to go home.

When Gordon nearly had a panic attack after mistaking a soda can for a grenade, Tommy finally pried himself out of his mental fog. Knock it off, dude. Now wasn’t the time to zone out and brood. People could die, and one of them in particular did not have the ability to regenerate himself if that happened.

Bubby and Benrey had begun whispering among themselves, which was a cause for concern. Tommy listened in when he could and caught mostly insults -  something he was inclined to dismiss - but the way Benrey’s eyes glinted when Tommy looked his way didn’t quite sit right.

“Can’t friends talk?” Bubby had asked hotly.

That was it. Benrey didn’t have friends. Tommy let his gaze slide away, swallowing his words but keeping his suspicions close.

After rendering a perfectly good server room completely useless, they came upon one of Dr. Coomer’s clones, who had posted himself up outside a heavy lead door. He actually recognized Gordon, which was unexpected. You’re the guy in the HEV suit, he told them. We’ve been tracking your progress, he told them.

Dr. Coomer scratched his chin and swept the group with a troubled look. “Gordon, that means you’ve been leading the military to us this whole time,” he concluded.

“What? But - I mean I can’t even take it off.” Gordon gave himself an up-and-down gesture.

“Oh,” Benrey noted flatly. “Maybe you need to die.”

“What?” Gordon demanded. “I don’t need to die.”

Benrey responded by nonchalantly raising his firearm. He pulled the trigger and contents of the clone’s skull splattered against the wall. Gordon took a step back, nauseated.

“I was gonna ask him a very valuable question,” he uttered, averting his gaze.

“I’ve absorbed his power, Gordon,” Coomer brightly informed him. “Ask me.”

Tommy was staring hard at Benrey as Gordon went back and forth with Dr. Coomer about the possibility of ditching the suit. The entity’s pupils were haloed with reflected light as he returned his gaze, baring his razor smile in a challenge. Tommy didn’t say anything, his eyes wandering instead to the peculiarly shaped door. Something radiated from the back of his skull as he studied it, as if the heavy barricade itself were a warning.

“This door is ominous,” he murmured.

When the science team all cast him curious looks, he realized he had spoken his thoughts aloud. “It’s shaped like a B,’ he elaborated. “What could that mean? ‘Buh’ door?” That was a silly thing to say, he thought in retrospect, but it was what came out of his mouth.

Gordon gave him a mystified smile. “‘Buh’ door?” he repeated.

“No, I think those are glasses,” Benrey said.

Gordon shook his head, passing a glance between them. “What are any of you saying?”

Tommy raised his eyebrows at Gordon, smiling despite his unease. “Buh,” he reiterated, just to make him wheeze with laughter.

Benrey and Bubby began repeating the sound, too, and Tommy wasn’t sure if they were having fun or mocking him. At this point, both options were plausible.

Gordon was still grinning. His teeth were so even; he had definitely been a braces kid. “Working on your phonics, Tommy?”

Sure. Yeah. That was it. Most people didn’t look at a B-shaped entryway and immediately feel a crawling beneath their skin. Well, except for some very particular interior designers, perhaps. He held Gordon’s gaze and didn’t respond.

Dr. Coomer, restless, was already heading through the door. “The B stands for ‘bye!’” he called cheerfully.

The room that followed was freezing, the floors slick with ice. The creatures within were a low threat, slipping and sliding around as they were on the frozen surface, but that meant the team of scientists was equally ineffective at shooting them.

“Whoah, guys, it’s icy!” Gordon called, flinging his arms out for balance.  

“It’s cold as hell in here.” Bubby observed with exasperation. He fired at an alien, corrected his aim, and fired again.

Tommy made a deal with the laws of physics for a brief time, allowing him to traverse the frozen room with relative stability. Benrey was more brazen and simply sauntered on through as if the ice wasn’t even there, paying the creatures no mind as he went. Weirdly enough, they seemed to be ignoring him back. Before Tommy could think on that much longer, Gordon’s excited voice drew his attention.

“You guys like ice skating?” he asked, eyes alight as he slid across the room. “I was never one for it. I don’t got really good balance.”

Laughing with delight, breath fogging in the chilly air, Gordon whirled with his arms above his head in a wobbly pirouette. Tommy watched him, unable to keep the smile off his face as he did. The fact that Gordon was still finding joy after almost three days in this hellscape nearly made the ice melt beneath Tommy’s feet.

Bubby’s irritated voice came from around a pillar. “Gordon, now is not the time for jokes.”

With some effort, Gordon stopped spinning. “Bro, lemme have a little fun,” he shot back. “It’s serious, but like-”

“My life is in danger!”

“So is mine!” Gordon insisted. “But like, when you guys have fun, when you’re fucking with me-”

“Your technique is sloppy, Gordon,” Dr. Coomer chimed in, sliding into the vicinity with a flourish. “Perhaps we should practice once we get out of the Black Mesa facility.”

Gordon’s smile returned in earnest. “Oh?” he asked. “Show me your form.”

The old man spread his arms wide, as if gearing up for a complicated maneuver, and then collapsed dramatically onto the icy floor. Tommy bit down on his knuckles to hide his laughter while Gordon waved him off, chuckling.

The three of them caught up to Benrey and Bubby, Gordon keeping up his skating routine as he went. Tommy trailed after him, gunning down encroaching extraterrestrials so the guy could have his fun. At one point, Gordon spun and stretched out a hand to Tommy, bowed at the waist, mouth quirking in wordless invitation.

Tommy paused, staring at his open palm, wishing more than anything that he could take it. Just forget about the creatures and the soldiers and the rift in space for one fucking second and let himself get swept away by this charming gentleman in front of him. He felt his throat tighten. He positively ached for it.

Declining with a polite smile, he shook his head. Perhaps once this nightmare was over, when they were no longer concerned about staying alive. Something to look forward to, something to make horrors they fought through worth it. Tommy owed him a dance. For now, however, he offered Gordon something he could always give.

“B stands for ‘below freezing,’” he quipped.

Gordon laughed, warm and genuine, and withdrew his hand. “Oh, now I get it.”

---

The price they paid for seeing the sky again was an onslaught of new adversaries. They were fast . Bubby scouted up ahead and immediately scampered back to the group, a wild look on his face as he murmured, “Oh my god.”

Gordon was peering around a crate, eyes narrowed. “Did you see that?” he asked. “Was that a woman?”

Tommy’s eyes could barely track their movements, agile as they were. They didn’t really look like anything to him, much less women, and he was about to turn his head to say so when Coomer charged ahead of them with fervor.

“Look out, Gordon!” the scientist exclaimed.“Hotted boobs up ahead! Tits, big ones!”

Gordon’s subsequent shriek of laughter was so forceful he almost misfired his weapon. Beside him, Tommy could hardly keep it together enough to provide cover fire. When Gordon sprinted after him, calling a hesitant, “Dr. Coomer, I don’t think that was very respectful,” he lost it all over again.

Bubby and Dr. Coomer took out the majority of the nimble creatures, while Gordon mostly missed his shots and Benrey slouched indifferently through the crossfire. After checking themselves over for injury (and a moment of questionable target practice on some moths), they found the surface access switch and kept moving.

Tommy felt that dark prickle near the base of his skull again as he habitually brought up the rear. They were going the right way, right?

“I’m a little nervous,” Gordon said, vocalizing Tommy’s unease. “What about the airstrikes?”

Oh, right, that was a good point, too. The threat of heavy military artillery sometimes slipped Tommy’s mind. Perhaps they could find another route to the lab.

“What’s there to be nervous about?” Bubby asked, striding ahead with confidence. “We’re going home.”

Benrey idled in the back next to Tommy, fingers laced behind his head like he was lounging in a hammock. “Look at all - all that room,” he said, shooting Tommy a sly look. “We’re going on a mystery walk.”

Nothing about that sounded good to Tommy, and he was suddenly on edge. He gave Benrey a piercing stare, but the entity only showed him his shark teeth and meandered after the party. Tommy followed, pulse on the upswing.

“Gordon, if you play it carefully, this will cut down our travel to the Lambda Lab by about three hours,” Dr. Coomer declared.

“Down to thirteen minutes!” Bubby added.

“Oh,” Gordon remarked, taken aback by such fortuitous news. “That’s the whole duration. That’s the entire thing.”

“Yes!” Bubby went on excitedly. He pointed to a room down the hall. “And look, there’s even a medical station in there.”

Gordon considered. He had taken a few hits in the last fight. Nothing life threatening - Tommy had made sure of that - but it was likely still painful. “A med station… I could probably-”

“Medical stations can be used to recover from wounds, Gordon,” Coomer interrupted helpfully.

Benrey was apostrophe shaped as he lounged against the doorway. “Wow,” he murmured, tossing a look inside the adjacent room. “They got TV and Blu-ray… high definition…”

Gordon waved him off in disregard. “We don’t need that. I’m-

“They got a couch,” Benrey added, as if this would sweeten the deal.

“I’m not interested.”

“I heard Blu-ray is better than DVD,” Tommy couldn’t help commenting dryly.

He didn’t like this. This was weird. Well, on par for Benrey, but Bubby’s firm insistence that Gordon enter the room before he did was setting off alarm bells in his head. His fingers tightened around the grip of his handgun.

Gordon was still bickering with the two of them, hampered by the semantics of laser disc technology. Tommy quietly moved closer, darting his eyes around the area for anything indicative of danger. He caught the gaze of Dr. Coomer, who was just standing there patiently with an idle hand on his crossbow. He looked unbothered as the argument escalated.

Benrey’s eyes were beginning to flash in a wordless threat. He leered at Gordon, revealing his pointed teeth. “You wanna go in?” He was no longer asking. “Please?”

Gordon, who had learned by now to pick his battles with the entity, relented. “Alright,” he sighed. “Okay. I guess… I’m gonna go for it.”

Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong, wrong, wrong. Panic shuddered like a javelin down Tommy’s spine, and as he reached out a hand to pull Gordon back, the lights cut out. Some outside force locked onto Tommy, pinning him to his position in space like an insect on a corkboard.

Gordon faltered. “Okay, uh, who’s fucking with me?”

“What the hell?” Bubby asked, voice lined with a facetious edge. “What is happening?”

Benrey, on the other hand, sounded like he was having the time of his life. “Ohhh, it’s dark in here,” he groaned, barely attempting to hide his glee.

Tommy, nerves alive, fought against whatever had nailed him to the spot. This didn’t happen. Tommy didn’t just get stuck, and there was a very short list of beings who could make him do so against his will. He cast his gaze around frantically for any clue of what was happening, but it was so dark he may as well have been blindfolded.

Gordon was irritated now. “Who the fuck knocked out the lights?”

Dr. Coomer’s response was as neutral as it was useless. “Hello, Go- Has anyone seen Mr. Freeman?”

Heavy footsteps came barreling at them, accompanied by Bubby’s cry of, “there he is - get him!”

There was the sound of impact. The rush of air being forced from a pair of lungs. Then… Tommy didn’t remember much of what happened next.

Shouting. There was plenty of that. Tommy thought maybe he yelled something, but he couldn’t be sure. All he could register fully were the sounds of Gordon crying out in pain and the feeling of his own doomed grief as his muscles failed to work.

And help. Help. Gordon was pleading for help, and Tommy thought his heart would stop if he had to listen to it anymore.

The blade cleaving through bone was the loudest sound in the world.

Gordon fell horrifically silent. The scent of blood saturated the air like a stain. Tommy’s stomach bottomed out as he heard the soft slide of a body being dragged away.

“Now, gentlemen,” Dr. Coomer’s voice echoed off the darkened walls, “let’s get out of here before they peel us apart.”

Footsteps dispersed as the team made itself scarce. Whatever had been holding Tommy in place finally released him, and he dropped numbly to the floor, trembling in the dreadful aftershock. His hands slicked through blood and he almost threw up. The truth, heavy and unrepentant, settled in on his shoulders.

He was alone.

Alone.

Alone.

Chapter 8 <-----> Chapter 10

[perspective-series]

Pet Perspective (15/19)

By: @arc852 and @hiddendreamer67

Warnings: Unwanted touching 

First Chapter || Previous Chapter || Next Chapter

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Roman was used to entertaining himself. It certainly wasn’t the first time he was left on his own, and it also wasn’t the first time he had traversed a human home. But doing it out in the open, when nobody was home, with the knowledge that he wouldn’t get in trouble?

Well, that just took all the fun out of it.

It made Roman feel almost twitchy, trying to occupy his time and not make a straight bolt for the door. He had promised Virgil that he would stay put, and while a promise to a human meant jiddly-squat, he had promised the same to Logan. Roman wasn’t going to make a run for it.

But, that didn’t mean he had to stay all cooped up inside, either. 

Roman grinned at this realization, abandoning his task of painting the kitchen table in favor of sliding down to the floor. He always felt better getting out and about. A little fresh air wouldn’t hurt anyone, and spending the day in the yard would hardly be dangerous. If Roman stayed close to the entrance, even stray cats would pose no danger. This line of thinking is what led to Roman ducking beneath the front door as human footsteps approached from the other side.

 Virgil came up to his door, intending to unlock and open the door like normal, when he noticed movement coming from the ground. He looked down, eyes going wide as he noticed Roman walking about outside. “Roman!” He hissed, coming over and scooping him up. “What are you doing?” Was Roman going back on his promise? He supposed it wouldn’t be the first time.

Roman gave an almost-yelp, startled from the sudden grab. “Relax, Warden! I was just going for a stroll.”

 Virgil winced. “S-Sorry.” He opened his hand so Roman was sitting on his palm before heading inside. “But is it really a good idea to go outside on your own? I mean...the last time you did you got hurt.”

“The last time I did I got unlucky.” Roman shrugged. “I don’t get pounced by a cat every time I step outside, you know.”

 “I know but...I’m just worried.” He went up to his room and set Roman down on his desk. “Why were you outside anyway? You said a stroll but...why?”

“I got bored.” Roman admitted. “It’s less fun having the run of the place when you’re allowed. I find going outdoors to be much more pleasant, there’s more adventures there.”

 Virgil shifted. “Well...if you want to go outside then it might be best for you to stick with me. Maybe I can take you to class tomorrow? Like how Patton took Logan today?” He still thought it was dangerous but it was less dangerous than Roman being outside on his own.

“I feel like that’s not exactly the same.” Roman argued, remembering a few times when Rebekah tried to sneak him into her class. He cringed in memory. “Being stuck in a backpack all day isn’t my idea of adventure.”

 “You won’t be stuck in a backpack...if anything, it’ll be my pocket.” He wasn’t actually sure if his teachers would let Roman be out on his desk or not. He would have to ask Patton.

“Same principle, Emo Nightmare.” Roman gave him a slight glare.

 “I know, okay I’ll talk to Patton about it and go from there. Who knows? Maybe you’ll be allowed to sit on the desk.” He hoped so, at least, or it would in fact, be boring for Roman.

“Oh, lucky me!” Roman mockingly clapped his hands. “I doubt your classes themselves are that interesting even then. Certainly not as interesting as the gardens.”

 “I doubt that, actually. What fun is there to do out in our front yard anyway?” Virgil asked.

“Basket weaving, tunnel digging, ladybug chasing, spider fighting, berry collecting…” Roman easily began to list off activities on his hand.

 Virgil frowned. “All that sounds more like work than fun. Also dangerous, why the heck would you want to get into a fight with a spider?” Virgil asked.

“To win?” Roman looked at Virgil like this was the most obvious thing.

 “Yeah but if you don’t win then you die, so how is that smart?” Unless the spider attacked Roman first, Virgil couldn’t understand.

“Oh please, most of the spiders around here couldn’t kill me.” Roman waved off Virgil’s concern. “Hurt like a son of a nutcracker, sure, but I’m not exactly their prey.”

 Virgil shook his head. “Still, it doesn’t sound fun.” 

 Virgil paused as he heard the door opening downstairs, Patton’s laughter echoing throughout the house. “Looks like Patton and Logan are home.” He offered Roman a hand. “Want to see how their day was?”

“Sure.” Roman appeased him, climbing on with still no intention of spending the next day at school.

 Virgil walked downstairs, smiling to Patton as they met eyes. “Hey, Pat. How was school?”

 Patton winced a little. “Well...they wouldn’t let Logan spend it out and about so he had to stay in my pocket…”

“Called it.” Roman gave Virgil a knowing look.

“The day was not a complete failure, however.” Logan still looked almost giddy. “Patton was kind enough to take me to the library where we completed an independent study.”

 “Huh? When did you have time to go to the library?” Virgil asked, looking to Patton. Patton smiled sheepishly.

 “I may have...skipped my other classes?” Virgil blinked, before smirking.

 “Wow, didn’t know you had it in you.” Virgil joked. “So you just went to the library instead then?”

 “Yep! And we had a great time!” Patton exclaimed.

“We read about biology.” Logan announced proudly.

“Wow, you really are a massive dork.” Roman teased.

 “But...school was a bust?” Virgil asked again and Patton nodded.

 “Yeah, I guess the school doesn’t allow borrowers.” He said sadly. “Which is unfair.”

“We’re... pets.” Logan reasoned, deflating from his excitement. “A place of education is no place for us.”

 Both Virgil and Patton shifted uncomfortably. “Still.” Patton said.

 “Well...thanks for the heads up, at least.” Now Virgil had to think of something else to do with Roman. Maybe the library? But Roman didn’t seem very fond of that idea. “Are you making dinner?”

 Patton nodded. “Yep! I’ll get started on it right now. Logan? Did you want to help?”

“I’m not certain how I could be of assistance?” Logan frowned.

 Patton giggled. “Well, I could always use a supervisor! And maybe a taste tester?” Patton offered.

“If Logan refuses, I’m always available.” Roman gave Patton a smile, wiggling his fingers.

“Roman, behave yourself.” Logan huffed. “Patton, I can certainly attempt to be of assistance.”

 “Yay! Then let’s get started!” Patton ran into the kitchen, Logan in tow, leaving Virgil and Roman in the living room. 

 Virgil looked down at Roman. “Okay so...maybe school is a bad choice.”

“What? I was right?” Roman gave a mocked surprise face, complete with bringing his hands to his cheeks.

 “Yeah, yeah, don’t get a big head over it.” Virgil said, plopping down on the couch. “But, still, the library worked for them so...maybe we could go out and do something else?” Virgil suggested. “Anything in mind?”

“Well, I just like being outdoors.” Roman shrugged. “But it’s not quite as much fun when being monitored closely...or being played with.” Roman added that last bit as an afterthought. 

 Virgil winced. “I’m...guessing that’s happened before.” Roman had been with a child before, after all.

“Ding ding ding, give the man a prize.” As usual, Roman hid his trauma with a smile and finger guns. “Though something tells me you’re not a man of tea parties.”

 “Er...no.” Virgil could guess what kind of play had taken place. “I’m sorry that happened.”

Roman waved him off. “It’s fine, it’s in the past.”

 “Obviously, it won’t be anything like that. We could go anywhere...almost.” He was sure, like with school, there were some places that would kick him out for having Roman. “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do?”

“Something I’ve always wanted to do?” Roman repeated. Well, travel back in time, but that wasn’t possible. Live in a proper Outsider clan again, but again, not something Virgil could provide. “Um…” Roman felt his ears turn a bit pink, realizing one thing that could work but feeling a bit silly. “Don’t laugh, but I’ve always wanted to visit some old human structures. Like the stone ones you see in novels.”

 Virgil blinked. “Old structures?” Virgil hummed. “I mean...I’m not sure where we would find one but...other than that, I don’t see why not?” As long as Virgil was there, nothing should happen, anyway.

“I’m not certain where they are either.” Roman admitted. “But I’ve just always thought they’d make the ideal base, and I wondered if any borrowers used to live in the walls when the structures were still standing.”

 Virgil nodded. “I’ll...I’ll look it up. And if one is close enough then I don’t mind taking you.” Virgil said with a soft smile.

“Why thank you, Virgil.” Roman gave him a smile in return. Of course, there was still a large chance it wouldn’t be possible, but Roman liked to dream.

 “Yeah, of course.” Virgil said, suddenly hoping he would be able to find one close by. After all, if it made Roman happy he was willing to do almost anything. 

 Virgil picked up the remote. “Want to watch something while Pat and Logan are making dinner?”

“Sure.” Roman agreed, leaning back. “It’s been a while since I watched Steven Universe, I’m probably several seasons behind.”

 As Virgil turned on the TV, he looked down at Roman. “Oh, you’ve seen the show before? Wait, right you were a...with a kid before.” That made sense then.

Roman winced, getting defensively embarrassed. “I’m- it’s not just a kid’s show, you know.” He didn’t want Virgil to think lesser of him.

 “Oh, no I know!” Virgil backtracked a little. “I mean, I like it too, after all. I just...figured that’s where you most likely would have seen it? Sorry.”

“It’s fine; I mean, you weren’t wrong.” Roman waved him off, his cheeks only a bit pink. He cleared his throat. “So...you really watch it too?”

 “Yeah, Patton got me into it. He loves the show and honestly, it’s pretty good. Good plot, good animation, nice representation. I think more people should be watching it.” Virgil explained himself with a small smile.

“Same!” Roman’s expression lit up. “It’s got so many interesting subplots that are far more complex than adults give it credit. Plus the style is astounding.”

 Virgil grinned. “Exactly! Glad to find someone else who understands.” Virgil went over and looked through all the episodes. “Since you’re behind, did you just want to start at the beginning?”

“Yeah, sounds good, gives me a chance to get back in the zone.” Roman gave a grin of his own.

 “Sounds good, and hey! Now you’ll finally be able to finish it. Might take us a month but it’ll be worth it.” Virgil said, before pressing play.

“A month?” Roman’s eyebrows rose incredulously. How much had he possibly missed?

 Virgil laughed. “Alright, maybe not that long but it’s five seasons long with a movie coming out soon, so it’ll take us a bit of time to get through it.” Virgil further explained, turning back to the TV as the intro finished playing.

“Ooh, I can hardly wait.” Roman appeared positively giddy, clapping his hands eagerly.

-------------------------------

 Patton set Logan down on the counter and started looking through the pantry, humming as he did so. “Whatcha hungry for, Logan?” He asked.

“Anything is satisfactory.” Logan said, attempting to peer around Patton to gauge the options himself.

 “Hmm…” Patton looked through everything. “How about...tacos?” He asked, smiling over to Logan.

“Ta-cos?” Logan tried the word, unfamiliar with another meal. “It does fall under the category of ‘anything’, so therefore must be ‘satisfactory’.”

 Patton blinked at Logan trying to pronounce it. “Logan? Have you...never had tacos before?” Geez, the poor kiddo. He really has led such a sheltered life.

“I have had exactly as many meals as you have provided me.” Logan recited.

 “Right, right, sorry. It’s just still surprising to me.” Patton admitted, getting the meat out and turning on the stove. “It just sucks that this is the first time you’re experience these things in all your years...wait, how old are you anyway?” Patton didn’t think he ever asked.

Logan thought back for a moment, ticking the years off on his fingers to double check. “I am seventeen years old.”

 Patton froze, slowly looking over to Logan. “Uh...can you say that again?” Maybe he heard wrong?

“I am seventeen years old?” Logan looked to Patton, puzzled. “Is something the matter?”

 Patton blinked. “N-No, no, I just...H-How are you only seventeen! I-I thought you were in your twenties at least!” He thought Logan was at least as old as himself!

“I’ve always acted mature for my age.” Logan seemed to find Patton’s reaction bizarre. “How old are you?”

 “23.” Patton answered, mouth feeling dry. “But 17? You’re-You’re practically a kid!” He wasn’t far off, it seemed, calling him kiddo and all.

Logan’s nose twitched. “I’ve hardly been a child for years, and there is no age requirement to indicate we have reached maturity, humans often view us the same.”

 “Huh? Oh! Sorry Logan, I didn’t mean...I’m just surprised. You’re a lot younger than I thought and it...just kind of puts this whole thing in a newer light.” A harsher light, Patton thought as he stirred the meat around.

“I still don’t understand.” Logan was wary. “Do you mean to treat me differently now that you know I am of a different age? Because truly I thought you were closer to my own given your mannerisms.”

 “Oh, no, no! I mean, not if you don’t want me to. I mean, honestly seventeen isn’t that young just...younger than I thought.” He repeated, putting the seasoning on the meat as most of the pink was already gone.

“I see.” Logan mused. “No, I would not like you to treat me differently.”

 “Then I won’t, I promise.” Patton said, turning back to the meat. It was just about done now, so he turned down the stove. He drained out the grease and then placed the meat in a bowl before getting out cheese and lettuce and olives and putting those in bowls too. He then placed all the dishes on the table. “Alright, I think that’s good. Now, onto the tortillas.” Patton got them out and started grilling them on the still hot stove.

 He was quiet for a moment. “When’s your birthday?” He asked Logan.

“November 3rd.” Logan answered, uncertain how that could be relevant.

 Patton slowly nodded, noting that it wasn’t too far out. “Got it!” They were going to do something amazing and fun for Logan’s 18th birthday. “I’ll go ahead and add it to the calendar.”

“Why are you adding it to the calendar?” Logan asked. It was not a particularly notable date.

 “So I don’t forget! And so we can throw and awesome party for you! That’s what people do for their birthdays. Especially important ones like someone's 18th.” Patton explained.

“...intriguing.” Logan seemed surprised by this revelation. “I will need to make a note of that. I was not aware of this tradition.”

 Patton had figured this but it still made him sad to actually hear it. “I think you’ll like it. You get cake, any food you want and a whole lot of presents!” 

“There are certainly many benefits to such an arrangement.” Logan agreed, wondering what cake was and why it was so prized.

 “Well, I’m at least glad I’ll get to be with you when you experience it for the first time.” Patton smiled. He set out the cooked tortillas before offering his hand to Logan. “Ready to eat?”

“Indeed.” Logan climbed on.

 He set Logan down on the table before cupping his mouth. “Virgil! Roman! Dinner!”

 “Coming!” Virgil called back, pausing the episode. “Looks like we’ll have to continue this later.” Virgil said, standing with Roman in hand.

“I can hardly wait.” Roman assured him, meaning it as he climbed on.

 Virgil brought Roman into the kitchen and set him down before taking his own seat. Patton grinned. “Hope you like tacos Roman!” Patton said as he passed a couple of mini versions towards the two borrowers.

“Oooh, excellent!” Roman grinned, excited by the idea of getting to fold his own taco for once. “Gracias, esto es genial!”

 Both Virgil and Patton paused. “...You know spanish?” Virgil asked, surprised.

Roman looked up at him. “...you don’t?”

 “I took some in high school but I’m far from fluent. I know you said thank you but what else did you say? And where did you even learn that?” Virgil asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“Apuesto a que te gustaría saber.” Roman gave a large grin, looking ridiculously pleased with himself.

 Once again both humans were at a loss. “...What?” Virgil asked.

“He said ‘I bet you would like to know’.” Logan said offhandedly, taking a bite of his taco. “And the first time he attempted to compliment the meal.”

 Both human eyes snapped to Logan. “You too?” Virgil exclaimed.

 “Logan, how do you know spanish?” Patton asked this time.

“Borrowers are taught a number of languages.” Logan explained as though this was common knowledge. “Seeing as it is unknown what the nationality of a future owner might be.”

“Eres un traidor.” Roman grumbled, crossing his arms and feeling off-put that Logan didn’t just let him have his fun.

Logan paused, the taco halfway to his mouth when instead he turned to give Roman an annoyed glare. “I am not a traitor!”

 Both human’s eyes widened. “Whoa, hey, what just happened?” Virgil asked, looking between the two.

“I called him a traitor for translating my words.” Roman stuck out his tongue at Logan. “You always miss the big picture, short-stack. We could have held secret conversations right under their noses.”

“It’s not exactly a secret if they can hear us, and a translation app would quickly make that process unnecessary.” Logan huffed, clearly still annoyed about being a traitor.

 “He’s got a point.” Virgil pointed out. “I just can’t believe they teach you all of that. How many languages do you know?”

“About a dozen.” Roman shrugged, clearly looking proud despite his nonchalant attitude. He neglected to mention that a few of those were only a handful of phrases that he remembered.

 “Wow…” Patton’s eyes were wide in awe. “That’s amazing! Logan, I can’t believe you know so many languages at only seventeen!”

 Virgil paused, turning to look at Patton with wide eyes. “...Come again?”

 “Huh? Oh! Logan is only seventeen.” Patton answered, knowing the shock Virgil was currently going through.

 “Wha-but, but how?” Virgil exclaimed.

Roman barely tried to hide the snort behind his hand. “Practically a baby borrower.” He teased.

“I am not!” Logan retorted in an uncharacteristically childish way, easily riled by Roman. “And as to the ‘how’, I will not educate you on the details but I think you can understand the concept of my arrival to this world seventeen years ago and I fail to see the merit of your question.”

 Virgil’s face turned a bright red. “That’s...That’s not what I...nevermind.” He shook his head, shoving some food into his mouth.

 “Anyway, Logan is still Logan though. No matter what age.” Patton said. “Oh! And it looks like his birthday is the next one coming up!”

“When are your birthdays, then?” Logan asked, guessing it was polite to ask.

 “January 15th!” Patton exclaimed happily.

 “December 19th.” Virgil said with a shrug. “Oh wait, I guess we don’t know Roman’s birthday either.” 

“Thanks for the consideration.” Roman rolled his eyes lightly, leaning back as he tried to remember. “Ah...I think it’s June 4th, that might be it.”

 Virgil raised an eyebrow. “You think?”

“Borrowers don’t celebrate birthdays.” Roman explained. “It’s just a date, and I’ve swapped households enough that even my forms have gotten muddled.”

 “You don’t celebrate birthdays? But that’s so sad! Everyone should get a party for their birthday. With presents and cake!” Patton shook his head, looking up with determination in his eyes. “Well, don’t you worry. Once your birthday comes back around, I’ll make up for all the parties you’ve missed.”

“I’m looking forward to it!” Roman perked up, eager to see such a thing. He had seen birthday parties, naturally, but to have once focused on him sounded wonderful. Too bad his birthday was so far away…

 Virgil hummed. “Hey, Pat?” Patton turned towards him and Virgil smirked. “Why wait?”

 Patton gasped. “You’re right!” He grinned and clapped his hands together.

“Wait, what?” Roman frowned slightly, confused. “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?”

 “Well, it does a little but we can make an exception this time for the two of you, since you’ve never had a party before.” Patton said with a smile. “Only if you want, though.”

“I mean…” Roman tilted his head back and forth as if weighing the options. If he was really gonna make a run for it at the end of the week, might as well take the opportunity. “I think it sounds like a wonderful idea, Patton.”

 Patton jumped up and clapped his hands together. “Awesome! Then tomorrow, we’ll have cake and presents to celebrate the both of you! Oh! Virgil, we have to go to the store!” Patton said, pulling Virgil up and out of his chair.

 “Wow, Pat, slow down.” Virgil chuckled. He looked towards the two borrowers. “Will you two be okay here on your own for an hour?” He asked.

“We will be fine.” Logan assured him. “Solitude is often our normal state of being.” He had been left alone in a cage several times in his life, but in this world that was almost preferable to being bothered. Here he could roam free.

 Virgil nodded. “Alright, then we’ll be right back.”

 “With cake and presents!” Patton added on and then dragged Virgil out the door.

[twrp-act-your-age]

Intermission: Brothers

I was feeling the itch to write something for this project, and this was always a scene I wanted to flesh out a little more anyway. I know we’re 50 pages in already and it’s weird to throw something totally different at you now, but I want to do it anyway.

BTW, this is not required reading! If you’re not a big fic reader, don’t worry, you’re not missing anything important to the plot. But if you want to get a little more insight into what’s going through Phobos’s head... read on!

Words: 1.2k

This was his brother. That was the thing that kept going through Phobos’s head. This was his twin brother, alive and breathing, in the pilot’s seat, taking him away from his friends against his will. The friends he loved, and who loved him back, and who Deimos hated with a burning passion. Deimos wanted his friends dead.

This wasn't his brother. It couldn't be. Deimos couldn’t hate like this. Sure, he was always a little more temperamental and argumentative than Phobos was, but for fuck’s sake, that was because he used to do debate team and shit! His brother wasn't evil! There was no way his brother, his best friend, had turned him into a child and plotted to kill his friends. There was no way.

But there was. He spared another glance at Deimos, taller than him for the first time ever, sneering over the ship's controls, looking annoyed. Annoyed that no one died? Annoyed that Phobos was giving him the silent treatment? Hell, he should feel happy that Phobos had even talked to him at all.

God. Phobos had talked to him. Phobos hadn't spoken a word in years. It had been… God, almost a decade on Earth. All that time, silent. Not totally mute, sure, but he hadn't talked. He'd laughed, he'd cried, he'd screamed during scary movie nights when Sung insisted on having the lights off and Meouch snuck up behind him and grabbed his shoulder too suddenly. That was shit he couldn't really control, and he didn't try to. But he hadn't hummed, he hadn't whispered, he hadn't done any of that. He'd never spoken to his best friends, his family. They'd never heard him speak… until today. 

He broke his vow of silence. Any other day, that would've been huge. That would be the thing eating away at his insides and clawing at his heart, not all of this other shit. Not Deimos, not the fate of his friends, not being a child. But in the grand scheme of the supremely shitty day he’d been having, breaking his vow seemed almost like a footnote. It was broken now. That was it. He’d spoken. He could talk freely again, if he wanted to.

Did he want to?

He’d always pictured himself talking to his friends one day, in an important moment. After they’d achieved something amazing, perhaps, or as a display of trust and friendship. At some point, he knew he would let go of the past, and he would be able to move on. He didn’t like that his hand had been forced like this. He didn’t like the fact that his first words in several years were to an attacker, one who was supposed to be family. Did Deimos even know about his vow of silence? Did he have any idea that for Phobos, speaking was an absolute last resort?

He didn’t regret talking to Deimos. If he hadn't, Havve would be dead. Shit, was Havve going to be okay? Yeah, he could be repaired, but still, he’d lost a whole arm. What about Sung and Meouch? What was going through their heads? Sung said they would come for him, that they would find him. But their Time Crystal was out of commission, and without that, they couldn't warp. What if they couldn't rescue him? What if he never saw them again? What if he never saw Earth again, never got to go home?

It seemed like years ago that they played that Toronto show, but it was just last night. Last night, they had played an amazing rock show, danced until their bodies ached, got a little tipsy... and today he was a child. He was a little kid tangled up in a murder plot, wearing clothes that were too big for him, kidnapped by his twin brother who was supposed to be dead. What the fuck.

"I did miss you, you know," Deimos said, apropos of nothing. Phobos sat up straighter and looked at him. The annoyance had faded from his face, but he was still looking straight out the window into the warp stream ahead of them. "I know when I said it earlier, it might not have come off as sincere. Y'know, since I was holding you at sword point. But I really missed you, man."

There he was, being normal old Deimos, like nothing had happened. If Phobos wasn't constantly aware of how small he was, he might've been able to let himself forget. He might've been able to slip back, just go back to how things used to be, when he and Deimos would do stupid shit like hold each other at sword point for fun. But Deimos had threatened him. He was a child, and Deimos was an adult. Things weren’t the same.

Phobos looked away, crossing his arms over his pulled-up knees and resting his chin down on them. He missed Deimos too, but as far as he was concerned, this person wasn’t Deimos. Not anymore. Anyone who had it in them to do this wasn’t Deimos.

“I thought you were dead for the longest time,” Deimos continued. Phobos kept staring in the opposite direction. “All I knew was that Funk destroyed our world, ended our civilization, and that it was Commander Meouch’s fault. Only a few months ago did I learn where and when he was hiding, and that you were with him. When I found out you were alive… I couldn’t believe it. I… Not gonna lie, I broke down a little bit. I cried. I was just so fucking relieved, man, you don’t even know.”

Phobos frowned, and he felt his heart sink deep, deep into his stomach. He did know. He’d thought Deimos was dead for so long… Hell, if Deimos hadn’t introduced himself as being the cause of their Time Crystal troubles, Phobos would’ve felt that relief upon seeing him too. Instead, all he felt was conflicted and scared. He’d always dreamed of getting his brother back, but… not like this.

“I was so excited to get to see you again,” Deimos said, seemingly unaware that Phobos was curling himself up into a tighter and tighter ball, trying to make himself as small as possible. “I wish our reunion had been under better circumstances, but I had to get you out of there. I don’t know what they told you or how they got in your head like that, but… Whatever, it doesn’t matter. We’re back together now, and that’s what matters. The Dream Team, back in action.”

When Phobos said nothing in response, he sighed. He adjusted something with the control panel, and then refocused on the warp tunnel outside.

Phobos buried his face in the crook of his elbow. He felt tears prick at his eyes. What the hell was Deimos talking about, Dream Team? They weren’t a team. Teammates didn’t hurt each other, or say that their friends were awful people when they weren’t. Teammates didn’t try and pass off their selfish delusions as noble acts. Deimos didn’t even know his friends, and yet he was so certain that they were liars and murderers. This wasn’t about them. This was about him.

Phobos squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fight back the tears. This wasn’t a dream. This was a nightmare that he wished he could wake up from.

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[atimefordragons]

IN THE NAME OF THE MOON, I SHALL PUNISH YOU! || EHS

☾♔; May 19, 2020 ☾♔; 2:19am ☾♔; sotd: Man of the World (Takanashi Yasuharu) ☾♔; cotd: Kuruma ☾♔; Elite Highschool ☾♔; Audition

𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: Sailor Moon, the Champion of Justice!

𝐀 𝐋𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐑𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞 (𝐌𝐚𝐲 𝟐𝟑, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎): Finally done, I'm soz for taking so long! I've just been Narutoing. He's my boy, dattebayo!  

☆──════ ⋆ ☽ ⋆ ☾ ⋆ ════──☆

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒

➤TITLE: S̶p̶o̶r̶t̶y̶ ̶S̶p̶i̶c̶e̶  The Sports Star ➤OC NAME: Katarina Văduva ➤AGE: 16   ➤BIRTHPLACE: Brăila, Romania ➤BIRTHDAY: December 31 ➤FACE CLAIM: Bruna Marquezine ➤USERNAME: @.dracarysbitch

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

➤LIKES: football (soccer, not the american one), eurovision (obvs), tennis, volleyball, basketball, ice hockey, figure skating, anime, manga (loves shoujo, but would rather die than admit it), a song of ice and fire (of course), russian literature (tolstoy is a fav ofc), winter, blizards, snowstorms, fresh snow, sweet foods, video games (dragon age, assassin's creed, the witcher, until dawn, pokemon), sailor moon, pink, blue, stitch, disney (sleeping beauty is her fave, even though she doesn't really match her personality, it's more that her parents gave her away for her safety, and Kat used to imagine it was the same for herself when she was a kid), space, faberge eggs, sanrio (her favourites are Kuromi and Pandausa)

➤DISLIKES: sasuke uchiha (fucking bitch), supercilious people, the lodge (lol, grow up you fucking losers), shows that go on forever and never end (please, please just end), shows that have shit endings, game of thrones (fucking dumbfucks), americans, right-wing politics (it's so stupid, just grow a heart), religion (what a scam), being alone (either physically or with her thoughts, let's bury that shit), losing, being wrong, having to concede any ground on any matter whatsoever, not knowing things

➤HOBBIES: anything that is physical (fucking jocks, amirite?), she's loves going for jogs (can't relate - secretly naruto runs during night time jogs 'cause no one can see her being lame), and playing streetball, etc. watching anime, reading manga, ranting on the interwebs about her shows and books (in general she avoids the bigger internet drama 'cause it's stupid, but sometimes you gotta put a bitch in their place, 'CAUSE DAENERYS IS THE PRINCE THAT WAS PROMISED, FUCK YOU!), watching reruns of pro-games (can't relate, so boring)  

➤STRENGTHS: determined, perseverant (is that even a word?), passionate, relentless, protective, observant, straightforward (usually ends up insulting people though, so it's more of a weakness tbh), goal-oriented, independent, self-reliant, has enough self-awareness to not go off on weeb/otaku interests in front of most people, but if it's like a "smart" anime, she'll discuss it (like Death Note, she's not gonna fucking admit to still loving Naruto at this age, shut up), diligent, loyal, a bad bitch (lol, not so much, but she likes being perceived as a strong girl who can and will stab you with her stiletto. the image only lasts for a few seconds, she more just comes off as rude).

➤WEAKNESSES: stubborn, very blunt, which tends to come off as brash and rude, though she's not always intending to be mean, despite that rude, blunt nature, she's also a bit tsundere, and struggles admitting her to deeper feelings. Gets flustered when complimented (outside of sports, there she's fine 'cause I'm the best bitches, or so she says), and she just can't admit it when she needs someone, whether it be a friend or romantic interest, especially if it's a romantic interest, 'cause she's also of the mind of who needs a boyfriend when there's food? while she's observant when it comes to changes in people's behaviour, she in general lacks the capacity to act well on her observations, and is awkward when trying to comfort someone or cheer them up. When it comes to her own feels, part from rage, annoyance, or "Jock Mode", she can barely admit to them, let alone discuss them with other. Speaking of "Jock Mode", she is competitive AF, somewhat dismissive (this usually only comes out in games, but she tends to ignore weaker opponents in search of stronger ones who pose a challenge). Also tends to display some arrogance in the sports she's most talented it, particularly volleyball. It's not quite a personality flaw, but she's weak for loving parents, or just a loving family in general (in life and when watching movies, it makes her fucking cry every time, which really puts a damper on her tough girl image, it's not usually a visible one, but she can't hide the longing in her face when she watches a parent and their child being a normal, happy family). Definitely has tunnel-vision, once she has a goal in sight, that's all she sees. Can even be paired down to dumb things, like C-grade trashy alien movies. She tends to notice only the aliens and revel in their destruction, while ignoring everything else, including the plot. Has plenty of issues; abandonment, trust, ptsd - none of which she is dealing with. She's just ignoring it and hopes it goes away once she becomes a cool, reliable adult™️ (lol, good luck that, adult life is a lie).

𝐁𝐈𝐎

➤SHORT BIO: Katarina is half-Brazillian, half-Russian, though she is under the assumption that she is Romanian, she is biological the daughter of Vasily Raevsky, a Russian Oligarch, and Xuxa Amalia Reis Moreno, a Brazilian businesswoman and all round bad bitch. For reasons unknown to her, Katarina was in effect abandoned at birth and placed in a Romanian orphanage in Brăila, which is also presumed to be her birthplace. Her birth certificate lists both parents as unknown, the orphanage named her. Having no parents or known family, and raised in an orphanage has given Kat many self-reliant skills, and allows her to live independently, but it has also left her with a deep sense of loneliness (not to mention PTSD 'cause Romanian Orphan life is a nightmare). She recognizes that much of her yearning is still childish fantasy, and often covers up that desire with her brash nature or jock hobbies.

Growing up in the orphanage was... not easy. The Brăila Home for Children was not the best, to say the least. Though it could've been worse (*shudders at the case of the Sighetu Marmației institution for disabled children* - do better Romania, oh my god). The orphanage was under and poorly staffed. They would often neglect and abuse the children, one year shaving every childs head so they all looked the same, and often chaining rowdy children to their beds. During Katarina's time, many of her fellow orphans died from minor illness or injuries such as cataracts or anemia, which were treated poorly or simply ignored, and a number also starved to death. Because of this, Katarina has a habit of hoarding food, and keeping snacks under her pillow. She also has difficulty sharing, and despises headboards that are railed(? the ones with gaps, idk what to call them).

When she was around eleven, the orphanage received ample anonymous donations, leading to much improvement, and the arrival of a new Director, Ileana Cojocaru, who, over time, earned the trust of Kat and her fellow orphans, and became something of a surrogate mother. Ileana did a nearly complete staff overturn (fun side note, some of the staff, especially those who harmed Kat have gone missing in the past few years, coincidence? no), as well as hiring accomplished childcare professionals from all over the world to help the children. It was Ileana who sparked Kat's, or rather Rina as Ileana called her,  interest in sports, though Ileana was more into football herself, she encourage Kat to explore whatever she wanted, though particularly team sports so that Kat could foster dependent relations. Kat herself particularly enjoyed volleyball, joining a little league team and winning a number of competitions. Due to her skill both in setting and spiking, she usually plays in the Opposite Hitter position.

Katarina entered EHS in Highschool, on what she assumed to be the Elite's scholarship program, arranged by Ileana, who even said as such, though in truth, her entry and tuition are all being handled by an anonymous benefactor. This fact was revealed to Kat last summer after Ileana died (of p̶l̶o̶t̶ ̶d̶i̶s̶e̶a̶s̶e̶ cancer), whose lawyer was put in charge of the bank accounts meant to pay for all of Kat's needs. The lawyer refused to divulge whom the anonymous benefactor is, citing a non-disclosure clause, though the need to discover who has given Kat a whole new mission in life.

➤FAMILY: On Katarina's part, she doesn't believe she has one, though she does consider Ileana to be her family, and has grown to care somewhat about her fellow orphans from the Brăila Home, while growing up they were rivals struggling to survive. Ileana's death devastated her, and she's dealing with it by straight up ignoring it. Lol, I'm not sad, my eyes are just glistening with the ghosts of my past.

Biologically, despite her complete lack of knowledge of it, Kat comes from rather a rather illustrious family. Her mother, Xuxa Amalia Reis Moreno, is a Brazilian Businesswoman, herself the daughter of a self-made millionaire, Xuxa is expanded the Moreno parent company, MC Inc., an oil and mineral company in origin, into numerous side ventures, owning and operating businesses ranging from restaurants to magazines and clothing lines. Her father meanwhile, Vasily Raevsky, is of the (former) noble House of Raevsky, now oligarchs in modern-day Russia, who virtually control Russia's diamond and precious stone industry, currently owning controlling shares of ALROSA, the largest diamond mining company in Russia, and accounting for 95% of the countries diamond production, as well as 27% of the global diamond extraction, and the House of Fabergé, which they purchased after the fall of the Soviet Union. If she remained in the care of either of her parents, her name would technically be Katarina Vasilyevna Moreno Raevskaya, which is a fun and utterly useless fact.

Her parents met at a rich people conference (idk, Davos or some shit like that) and engaged in a short lived affair. Her father was already married and could not accept her, and her mother had no interest in being a mother at all, let alone a single one, leading to them choosing to give her up in Romania, an arbitrary choice that fucked her up, lol.

Via her father, she has an elder brother, Viktor Vasilyevich Raevsky, who is in fact her anonymous benefactor. Viktor discovered her existence after Vasily had an accident and was close to death, so he confessed his sins and what not. Viktor eventually tracked her down and sought to improve her life. Though he wants to bring her into the family, he doesn't for the sake of his mother who cannot deal with the affair, though she refuses to divorce Vasily for appearances sake.

𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀

➤MOODBOARD: https://tinyurl.com/y8a2gjy8 ➤SCHOOL WARDROBE/AESTHETICS: https://tinyurl.com/ycodubrb ➤PLAYLIST: https://tinyurl.com/y6wwmp74

➤TOP 3 CHARACTER PICKS: the Sports Star, the Princess, The Rebel(de) <-- lol, see what I did there? I'm so funny.

[mamabearlarusso]

Rollercoaster Ride (Journal)

After hearing a few hard truths from @extremeskate, I was honestly still a little bit nervous--gaining strength for the long and hard journey ahead--but I was keeping an eye on that light at the end of the tunnel...all morning and afternoon at work the next day.

I stepped in to check on the bonsais, during my break--something I had done more often these days, since...well, since they all left. The trees hadn't been trimmed in a while--I hadn't picked up the clippers in years, and now...I just couldn't bring myself to try again--but I would water and repot them whenever they needed it. I'd usually get called away before I finished and it was usually Anoush or Sheila with something that needed signing.

Sometimes I almost felt a presence in the room with me, for a split a second before they walked in. I guess it was just wishful thinking getting the better of me...at the beginning of the year, I was hoping that it would be Daniel turning the corner--that everything hadn't gone pear shaped and at least our kids still had their father around...during that period of radio silence, I was hoping that Robby would just drop by with some wild and crazy story explaining where he had been...it wouldn't have needed to be an apology for scaring me half to death...(I didn't--and still don't--feel I have the right to expect, let alone demand the same from him that I would Sam and Anthony...caring for someone else's child had it's own trials I was constantly trying to navigate)...but maybe just some last wish he had to fulfill for his grandfather...before picking up right where he left off last time.

This time, however...I'd be happy if he just walked in. He wouldn't have to talk to me, he wouldn't even have to look at me...I just wanted to see him. But that's just my selfishness thinking again...and of course it wasn't @robby-l-keene this time, instead it was Anoush. He was quickly escorting one of the new eager employees away from the doorway. I hadn't really thought about it until then, but whenever I had heard anyone talking to the customers about the bonsais...it was him. He didn't even say anything...just a tight little smile and nod, and then they were gone. As the sounds echoed down the hallway, I heard the employee asking him when she'd be able to hand out the trees, but I never did hear his answer.

Part of getting back to living my life, after everything that had been going on, was to gain some stability...again...and actually keep it. Work was rather easy going at the moment, the kids were...well, they were a work in progress--being a single mother was another tight rope I was still trying to learn. If I was honest with myself, my mind was dumb enough to wander--once or twice--and think about what Lucille would have had to say...strictly as a single mother's point of view and not a mother-in-law's, of course...but she was never strictly a one topic type of person and if you can imagine the tangents she would go off on...then that's exactly where she went, well at least in my mind she did.

So, that left friends. I hadn't seen too much of @dr-ali-mills lately, that brunch and girl's movie night had been discussed and rescheduled on a few occasions...but after the online debacle, I was having almost no trouble at all sliding right back into my high school defenses. (Some big drama over a boy happens...you better get ready for the backlash from the popular girls.) I know it sounds crazy, I'm a grown woman...why am I so out of it? Did I ever really grow out of my insecurities? Or were they just lying dormant, until the shit hit the fan at the epic levels I had stopped preparing for...a long time ago?

Seeing Ali's number glaring at me from my phone, I remembered the last time we were together--the impromptu brunch after I got back from The Rattlesnake. After hearing the big explosive news about whatever Johnny and I were, she did admit that it wasn't exactly her favorite thing--even teasing that Teen Ali would've had a few choice ideas for my new hair style, if ever given the chance--but she did also say she'd be there for me...even if it hurt. Ali's been a good friend--a great one even, given the mess I've dumped on her, time and time again. A quick memory flashes across...the look on her face when I gave her the friendship bracelet for Christmas. We might not be BFFs, as they say--just yet--but I've come a long way since high school, and I wasn't going to ruin it by falling back on old habits. Time to grab my board and jump back on that half-pipe.

...and I missed it by THAT much. I didn't even get the chance to hit the call button.

Someone must have decided to give me a break and grant a few wishes--though that someone also had a weird sense of humor, because I got not only one--but two--bittersweet surprises. A text from Robby...he finally reached out...and he didn't even yell at me. (Yeah, well, just wait for it. Can't you just let me have this one thing?) Anyway, he sent up the signal, because he was worried about his dad. Which--in context--would've also made me happy, because that meant that they were talking to each other again, if I hadn't gotten the text right after the first surprise of the night...a drunken call from @everyonesfavoritegoldenboy.

I didn't know what the hell was going on, it might have been because he was only half making sense thru the slurred speech or because my ears started ringing when he said that he'd been in town and didn't tell me. My mind went on overdrive trying to figure what 'all this time' actually meant. Driving around the usual spots, memories flashing of the last time I went looking for him, worrying that 'you ought to have someone better' meant that I'd have to risk losing him...again!

Everything stopped when I saw him...slumped there at the bar. The worry and fear of what I'd be walking into...the irrational anger over his silence and disregard for my feelings, making decisions without giving me a say in any of it...(Why would he? You're not exclusive...you're not even...I don't know what you'd call what you are. I said it was irrational, didn't I?)...but all went stand still when I saw his face. For weeks, I had only heard his voice a few times...but nothing of his living, breathing face. (Oh god, you're sounding like a teenager. Right?! Next thing you know, I'll be writing his name on my binder...I didn't even do that when I was a teenager!)

Seeing him there, with his guys around him, he was a mess...but I just wanted to hold him and make him feel better. (This all really kind of started that way anyway...when you think about it.) The whole rest of the night was, well...being so close to him after so long--it was intoxicating...and I'm not talking about the alcohol...okay, maybe some of it was the alcohol. Let's just say I'm very impressed with myself, that things didn't go the way they may have in my younger days, and I was able to go back home with a mostly clear conscience. Emphasis on the mostly.

After getting Johnny home from the bar, seeing those eyes of his watch me and feeling his warm skin and his lips tease me...having to put a stop to it before things got out of hand--only to strip him down for bed and hop in next to him...(Hey, I know he was drunk off his ass and didn't think I was really me, but I missed him so much and he was so hurt and broken...it was breaking my heart...but nothing happened, I swear, I put my arm around him and we just fell asleep. Yup...you definitely sound like a teenager.)...going back home to an empty bed, felt cold and lonely. In fact, the last time it felt THAT cold and lonely...was the morning after I came back from The Rattlesnake.

It didn't take too long before I made my way back there...but it was just a lunch break check in. (Sure...) Okay, there was a little fun teasing in between cooking up and eating a quick meal. (Which reminds me, I have to take that man shopping and teach him how to cook, or at least how I cook. Might even break down and make some chicken salad from scratch next time.) Then I find out that the reason behind the night at the bar was another near knock-down drag-out with Robby. I think I figured as much, given his timing. Both Lawrence boys contacting me on the same night--after nothing for days. Something went down.

Long story--already too long to be--short, Robby's mother @iamtheladyshannon was in a facility. There was a bunch of drama to go with it (as there always is when those nightmare houses are concerned), but the main problem at the moment was the subject of the constant and ongoing payment. Let's just say, father and son were at odds as how to go about it. I didn't and still don't know the whole story, but I had a laundry list of reasons why I had to do something to help anyway.

Once I was off the phone with @drlivingstoneipresume, awaiting another stomach churning encounter with yet more hospital paperwork...(Don't forget the next trip down memory lane. Shut up.)...it was just Johnny and me again. He had snuggled next to me on the couch, after his talk with @nursejoylove at the door. His hand had found mine, while I was still talking, and it had allowed me to calm down a bit. Having been able to get through the call with a relative coolness, and put something in motion that would help someone in need and by extension ease two people that I care about deeply...I felt a weight had lifted, at least for the time being. Lying back with his head on my shoulder and our fingers comfortably entangled, felt...nice. I went over the details with him, even though he probably heard most of it--I think running through it again, just helped both of us let it sink in...something was being done, we just had to wait.

He got quiet for a moment...'Baby...I don't want to cut this short...But Diaz... he's...'

I knew he'd be going to see @therunawaystudent eventually, if he hadn't already. One reason why I didn't let what bits and parts I overheard of their own conversation, get to me. (It did sound a bit familiar... No! I'm not going to start picking apart every interaction with every woman I see him with...this isn't high school and I'm not the jealous girlfriend. Yeah, and how well did that work for you with your own husband? No...shut up...this isn't about me, this about the boys...don't try and ruin this moment for me.)

Trying not to think about the renewed implications from my visit this weekend--too hard--I smiled warmly...you should have seen the look on his face. 'You mean you knew too? Have I lived in a cave??'

I couldn't help the thought that shot in my mind... "Oh, I don't know, seen any bats lately?" I was able to keep a straight face, until his finger bopped me on the nose. He shook his head trying not to smile. The light mood didn't last too long, though...my back to him as I gathered my things, trying to get the words out. That I was mere feet away from his door, when I brought @chickskickasstoo over to visit Miguel, not even a week ago. I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye, it was already a long day with too many emotions running around to deal with that too.

He walked me back to my car and I kissed him goodbye with a promising wink for a future trip. God, I love that smirk! It was just what I needed to finish the work day.

[randomfandomfamily]

A very long--and I mean really really super duper loooong--post about ROTG 2

So, I’ve had this idea about a second Rise of the Guardians movie for a long time (I mean, who hasn’t, right?). But I thought about it so much that I’ve started a Google Doc to put every new detail down so I didn’t lose anything as the weeks and months passed.

And since no one I know wants to listen to me rant about this movie (again) I’ve decided to share it with the lovely world of Tumblr. And although I don’t necessarily expect anyone to read it all the way through because of how lengthy it is, I still appreciate you even if you read just a singular bullet point.

I did a lot of research from the books, sifting through several websites and even Wiki article or two. I think I’ve comprised a decent outline for a movie, but I am also just an overly enthusiastic fan, so please feel free to call me out on my obsession.

That said, click “Keep Reading” if you feel like exploring over two-thousand words’ worth of crazy frantic writing.

Pitch Black Origin

Kozmotis Pitchiner: Guardian of Innocence

Much like the Kozmotis in the novels, part of his job was to guard a cage full of certain undesirables.

Over time, children started losing their innocence younger and younger, giving Kozmotis nothing to protect or derive any power from. Being a guardian with nothing to protect made him feel obsolete, thus growing angry and bitter.

Like the other Guardians, Kozmotis’ personality reflected the aspect childhood he guarded. He was kind and believed in the good of others, making him gullible at times--and perhaps a little naive.

Since his personality reflects the fragment of childhood he guards, as innocence among children began to dwindle, so too did Kozmotis’ kindness and compassion for others.

In his rage, Kozmotis opened the cage he was supposed to be guarding and caused the Dark Ages. For this, MiM took his title as guardian, making Kozmotis even more malevolent than he already was. This anger warped him and turned him into Pitch Black, an entity of Fear rather than Innocence.

This concept was adapted from the novel, in which Kozmotis releases a horde of Fearlings that posses him. However, in the first movie, Pitch uses Fear as a weapon. They are manifestations he creates himself, and not separate beings that posses him, thus the slight change in the story.

MiM sent the remaining Guardians (North, Bunny, Tooth, Sandy) to strip Pitch of his power, resulting in his disappearance until the time when the first movie is set.

Mother Nature

An ancient spirit and a messenger sent by MiM.

She informs the Guardians of their new mission which, to their surprise, is saving Kozmotis Pitchiner.

Her powers include controlling/ becoming elemental forces, plant manipulation, empathy, and healing.

Her position is one higher than the Guardians’, but lower than MiM.

Though she has never met any of the Guardians face to face, she is very familiar with Jack Frost due to his constant use of the winds to travel and frequent manipulation of the weather. Jack, like the other Guardians, has never seen her before, and is uncomfortable with how much she seems to know about him.

Mother Nature tries to talk with Jack, which makes him suspicious of her, but she genuinely just wants to talk with him. She comes to realize that the reason Jack is so weary of her talking to him is that none of the Guardians had done it prior to Pitch’s attack, so it is understandable that Jack would question her motives.

She is actually infuriated with the Guardians for their lack of contact with the young soul, demanding an explanation from them. Upon hearing several bland excuses--inexperienced, mischievous, never had time--she tells them how much Jack had seen in the past three hundred years, like war and slavery and watching kids grow up around him and passing away.

Though she’s certainly full of sass and attitude, she also plays a motherly role to Jack once he’s more relaxed around her.

Katherine

A tribute to the Katherine in the novels, she is the key to defeating Pitch Black and bringing back Kozmotis, although she doesn’t realize it yet.

She is introduced to the Guardians by Jamie, with whom she goes to school with.

Jack, still sort of a wandering spirit, oftens visits Jamie and his friends. After explaining what’s happening with Mother Nature and Kozmotis, Jamie remembers a friend his, Katherine, who is frequently plagued by nightmares.

Jamie and his friends arrange a secret meeting with the Guardians under the guise of a sleepover.

Katherine is extremely skeptical of Jamie and friends’ story of the Guardians. She, like most children, believes in Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, etc. but the idea of them saving all the children of the world from a villain named Pitch Black seems ridiculous.

After seeing the Guardians, Katherine no longer thought the Pitch idea was so far fetched, but it did take a little time for her to start believing in Jack Frost.

Katherine finally tells Jamie that she will help the Guardians save Kozmotis, especially if it will get rid of her nightmares.

Finding Pitch Black

Mother Nature informs the Guardians that Pitch is still being held hostage by his own fear. Meaning that they are going to have to conquer the Nightmares once again in order to save Kozmotis.

Pitch’s realm has always been in the shadows. More specifically, the Boogeyman was well-known for hiding under beds, leading the Guardians and Mother Nature to believe that path that will lead them to him resides under Katherine’s bed.

After finding their way to the Nightmares’ domain, they come to realize that there is no source of natural light that is staying lit for very long. No sunlight reaches the tunnels, a torches burns out faster than it should, and Mother Nature’s bioluminescence fades almost instantly.

However, once Jack joins them in the tunnels, they soon realize he is radiating blue light. This magical light is what gives them visibility on their journey. Mother Nature explains the aspect of childhood Jack protects is what causes the light to appear when surrounded by Fear.

In the first movie, when Jack was overwhelmed by the Nightmares, he actually appeared to be glowing (we can see the blue light shining through the wall of darkness). This detail is a nod to both this scene and his former identity Nightlight in the novels.

This also serves as a symbol to the correlation between Fear and the aspects of childhood that the Guardians protect. While Fear can damage Hope, make us lose sight of our Dreams, and forget the things that make us happy, it also plays a huge role in the aspect of Fun. Activities such as riding roller coasters, climbing trees, swimming in lakes, etc can be enjoyed in spite of being afraid. In fact, most times, it is this adrenaline that makes things fun in the first place, which is why Jack shines so brilliantly amongs all the Fear.

While he can radiate light and use his power over winter at the same time, it drains him to the point of exhaustion (as seen in the first movie), so when confronted by Nightmares in the tunnels he is torn between fighting and illuminating the battle.

Of the five Guardians, Jack is still the one that finds it easiest to talk to children. Katherine is adventurous, much like Jack, and they get along fairly well. He has been the one watching over her for most of the journey. Mother Nature is perhaps the only other member of the group Katherine talks with openly, mostly due to her motherly tendencies.

The Guardians’ Relationship With Pitch Black

When Kozmotis was Guardian of Innocence, he was well-liked and respected by his fellow Guardians. Jack, at first, doesn’t understand why they are helping Pitch Black considering all he had done to them. But his fellow Guardians explain along their journey that it’s not really Pitch they’re helping, but rather a friend they’re saving.

Since Innocence ties in so closely with Wonder, Kozmotis and North were perhaps the closest of the original five.

North, though clearly ready and willing to save Kozmotis, also seems very hesitant to talk about him at all. As close as they were, North never really got over Kozmotis’ disappearance.

The other Guardians are willing to discuss Kozmotis and explain who he was to them, but North simply refuses to do so. His unwillingness to talk alludes to the nesting dolls in the first movie, representing North’s layers--or walls--that he has built up, especially around the subject of Kozmotis.

During Kozmotis’ decline in power he frequently visited Tooth, who was an unending well of optimism, to try and cheer himself up.

Pitch had to have known the power the teeth held before the Dark Ages, otherwise he never would have found out (due to MiM revoking his title). If he visited Tooth while a Guardian, it would explain the knowledge he had about the teeth in the first film, and how he was able to use it to his advantage.

Sandman wasn’t nearly as close to Kozmotis as North was, but the two of them certainly respected each other. Kozmotis communicated with Sandy easily, often interpreting for the others, or alerting them when Sandy had something to say.

The rivalry between Sandy and Pitch doesn’t occur until the Dark Ages. Despite how much they respected each other, Sandy had zero hesitation about bringing him down, which is what made Pitch so afraid of him in the first movie.

None of the Guardians consider Pitch and Kozmotis to be the same person. Sandy explains that as soon as Pitch rose to power, their friend completely disappeared. In their eyes, Pitch using Fear as a means of power was just the same as killing Kozmotis.

Bunny, surprisingly, was good friends with Kozmotis. He would often use Kozmotis’ nativity and gullibility against him in terms of practical jokes. Kozmotis would often retaliate by pulling his own pranks.

Jack is surprised by Bunny’s explanation of Kozmotis, particularly the part where Bunny partook in childish antics with him. It seemed incredibly out of character for him, although we do see those traits returning in Bunny at the end of the first movie (especially in the scene with Sophie).

It is implied that Bunny’s hatred of Jack was never really about Jack’s trouble-making personality (though he was still angry about the Easter that Jack ruined with a snowstorm) but rather, Jack reminded him a lot of Kozmotis

Bringing Back Kozmotis

Ultimately, the key to defeating Pitch is the same as it is in the books: Katherine.

Throughout the movie, she proves herself to be very brave. She is the first to jump down the dark tunnel under her bed and she is more than willing to help fight off the Nightmares.

She isn’t sure how she’s supposed to help defeat Pitch, but she promises to try, no matter what it takes.

Once they find Pitch in the heart of the Nightmares’ tunnels, he doesn’t seem to be in any position to attack them. He is nearly completely incapacitated and overwhelmed by the black creatures he created.

The Guardians do their best to fight off the Nightmares, but they keep returning, fueled by Pitch’s own fear. Admist this chaos, Katherine approaches Pitch. Jack, who is still unable to fight, accompanies her, mostly to make sure she doesn’t get hurt.

Katherine, rather than fight Pitch, opts to sit with the panicking ex-Guardian instead. She actually says very little, which surprises Jack.

He sits with them, listening to Katherine talk to Pitch in hushed tones. She assures him that he has nothing to be afraid of. Pitch replies that he certainly does have something to be afraid of, he is literally surrounded by fear.

Katherine replies by simply that he should get back up anyways. No one ever beat Fear just by sitting down. It isn’t until she directly addresses him as Kozmotis, which no one has done since the Dark Ages, that he does finally decide to join the fight.

The end result is one last battle against the Nightmares, much like the end of the first movie, but with a more definitive end thanks to Katherine.

Pitch isn’t able to do much, but with Katherine and Jack assisting, he is able to banish his fair share of Nightmares, which became increasingly easier thanks to his rapidly dissolving fear.

Throughout the fight, Pitch has less of a dark aura. He becomes less pale and his dark robes become something lighter and more refined.

Pitch Black is gone, and once again replaced by the Kozmotis that the original four knew in the past. He is no longer naive, as that is something that can never be retained, but he has certainly changed. Once they get Katherine safely back home, the Guardians and Mother Nature reconvene at the North Pole to discuss Kozmotis’ place among them.

Man in the Moon makes one last appearance to inform Mother Nature that her duty with the Guardians is done, and to tell them exactly where Kozmotis belongs, which is alongside the other Guardians.

Kozmotis is no longer the Guardian of Innocence, as that was lost long ago. But through Katherine’s influence, he has become the Guardian of something else: Courage. He will never be what he once was, but he will have the opportunity to help children as he did hundreds of years ago.

(hey there! you made it to the end! you are a very patient person, i hope you know that. apologies for the long post, but just know that i appreciate you reading this even if you disliked the idea. i hope you have a lovely morning, afternoon, or night you beautiful human being!)