#Fuck This and rises above it in an incredible moment would. genuinely . and i shit you not. be the best thing ever

[mouthpoisons]

like we are going to see one of the best Or worst disabled narratives ever written unfold in a couple days im so scared. does viktor just spend the rest of his life at the mercy of his terrible fate and other people/magical forces (youll see me on the news) or does viktor gloriously break the hell out of it all and reclaim his mind and body and finally assuredly save his life and become Free and Un Fuck Withable. i have faith. i have faith

[figothynewton]

First listen thoughts of Unreal Unearth!!

Disclaimer: when it comes to his music I am literally incapable of thinking it’s bad all of these reviews are good and I don’t take criticism ps sorry for the long post oml

De Selbys: part 1 STUNNING the fuckin gorgeous Gaeilge vocals at the end???? The tranSITION TO DE SELBY 2 COME ON !!!!!!

First time- SOME PART OF ME MUST HAVE DIED THE FIRST TIME YOU CALLED ME BABY??????????? FUCK!!!!!!! God the rhythm his fucking voice the instrumentals !!!!! So good

Francesca- phenomenal as we already know

I, Carrion- Girl I already knew I was gonna like I, Carrion cause like hello I am a whore for Greek mythology and especially Icarus like sunlight is one of my favorites BUT “if we fall I only pray you don’t fall away from me” I am weeping it is so so beautiful oh my god

Eat your young- as fucking amazing as always

Damage gets done- Brandi Carlile and Hozier’s voices blend beautifully and this song feels like something you’d hear in like a coming age movie when the main character is having her realization that her life is changing for the better like full on perks of being a wallflower car tunnel scene (and yes I fucking love it)

Who we are- are the fucking vocals in that middle part him??? How is he physically capable of doing that???? Holy! Shit!

Son of Nyx- I think the best way to describe this is that my sister sent me the gif of Pinocchio from shrek rising out of the bed cause. Yeah.

All things end- remaining probably my favorite from the eat your young ep

TSFAWC(U)- Y’all. I had to replay the intro of to someone from a warm climate about five times “a joy hard learned in winter was the warming of the bed you’d shake for minutes there and move your legs wrap the blanket over you and keep your head within let your breath heat the air until you’d feel it getting thin” FUCK I need help PLEASE Ohp ok and now I’m crying again wow I almost choked from crying I’m not doing well

Butchered Tongue- girl I’m just gonna not stop crying am I ? it’s still singing here above the ground ??? Screaming crying yelling throwing up

Anything but- ! So fun!! But still so like melancholy like I’d give anything to run away! Clapping reminiscent of almost (sweet music) and it just feels like they were having fun dining the background vocals just so good

Abstract (psychopomp) really be making me fell that post about not being able to understand him cause if he wanted me to know the words he would have enunciated but lord I still love it. upon hearing there’s a part of me I’m afraid will always be trapped within an abstract from a moment of my life and I wish I could go back to not understanding the lyrics that fully made me cry all over again

Unknown/Nth- so the album hasn’t been out long enough for me to decide what my favorite out of the whole thing is but this has been my fav if the early/single releases so this one is for sure up there

First light- wow just wow wow so like I don’t even know how to describe it like I hate the word epic cause it’s so 2000s but like it truly is so like epic and powerful the sheer strength of his voice is genuinely jaw dropping just wow wow wow wowowowoowowo

So it was just a first listen through I don’t know which my favorite is yet but wow they are all just stunning it’s just an incredible album so so so good

[lumeha]

Persona for you? 👀 Feel free to pick one game in specific if you’d prefer.

I'm gonna focus on 4 and 5 because those are the ones I finished most recently and discussed the most, but

(sends kisses to 2)

I'm traumatised by this pair of bastard games <3 very good

Favorite character

hm hmmmmmm HMMMMMMMMMM

Gods. Urgh. I know the second part is the second favourite, but I do have to say, it is a toss up between Teddie and Yosuke ?

I didn't expect to love Teddie as much as I ended up doing. I may be doing some abstraction about the womanizing, for the both of them lmao, but Teddie genuinely has one of the most compelling character arc I've seen ? I think what they did with him is what P5 tried with Morgana, but it did end up working much, much better with Teddie, because Teddie loose his role as navigator to Rise but he's taking himself to a different role in the group because they are his friends and. His discovery of friendship, his relation with Nanako, even with Yosuke's parents, is just so fucking good, and I am still a little heartbroken from the bad end when Nanako is in the hospital okay : )

Yosuke's just a mess as a character lmao but that is what makes him interesting to me. He's just a teen who doesn't really know what he wants and how to care, in a lot of way, and he's also incredibly bad at grieving, and it's just really fun to see. Also. Great Shadow to start with. Would bet he would easily get to confront his Shadow again later down the line. Love him though. A nerd. I also share his music tastes and that's funny.

Second favorite character

(carries Ryuji above my head) look at this momma's boy he's so fucking cute I love him and he deserves better than what P5 gives him goddamnit !!! Love ! Him ! So ! Much !!

Like, yeah, he's rude, but you know what, he deserves to be, it's not like people have been good to him. Glad Strikers actually let him say fuck. It was deserved <3

... More seriously, I am insanely soft for a rude guy who is actually really caring. He's trying. It's also kind of amusing to have him try to hide a sweet tooth in some scenes ?? He's just. I like him a lot.

Least favorite character

Akechi

... I still laugh thinking about my late evening meltdown when faced with his goddamn boss fight and all I was commenting to my friend was "I just want to go to sleep fuck you man" (couldn't just stop the game or I would have lost a good two or three hours of gameplay <3) (I'm still mad lmao)

But yeah it's Akechi

I just wish I didn't find him in unrelated tags on tumblr sometimes

The character I’m most like

... I have no idea, frankly.

But I definitely was very much like Mary when I was a teen, angsty bad poetry included. Y'all are lucky I have *some* shame AND no actual translation skills or I would have shown it lmao.

Favorite pairing

I. hm. which one. That's a good question. It might genuinely be a battle between Yosuke/Teddie and Ryuji/Mishima. Which. Are not the same vibes at all but there's just something specific about these two ships about caring and loving someone and loving the flaws as qualities that I just really enjoy

Least favorite pairing

... Yes it's Aki///ren. do I really. do I need to.

I think it's obvious why.

Favorite moment

P4, will have to go with the murderer's reveal in the TV world when you go along his Social Link and it changes arcana, it's genuinely a *fantastic* moment and it has some really cool shit going on aesthetically. Also as much as I hate the guy he is an absolutely fantastic antagonist and I love to hate him.

(but also shout out to Rise's boss fight and how she takes control of it. I love Rise. She's so good. And it's really cool to have her retake control like this !!)

P5 I'll have to go with Kamoshida's Palace. Just. In general. The game starts on such a fucking strong leg. Too bad it kind of falters after that but Kamoshida's Palace has many good moments, from the first Persona awakening of the MC and Ryuji and Ann to just them all discovering what the fuck is going on. Just. good. aesthetically interesting too. Yes that's important to me XD

Rating out of 10

A solid 8 out of 10. Might be a little higher, but I just think - 4 and 5 both have some glaring problems with their stories that did drive me a little insane. But I was compelled to go through them and finish them which means a lot too because I'm a scatter brain jfsdklfk

[turtlemagnum]

i feel like there's something of a loose correlation between something being generally shitty and having a lot of modding support. glocks, kinda mediocre by modern standards; mostly good as a measuring stick to judge other pistols by, right? has some of the most modularity and aftermarket support of any pistol on fucking earth. because, y'know, it kinda needs it to rise above mediocrity; and even then i'd argue it's a bit of a shiny turd (though i am biased against stirker fired handguns, but eh). skyrim? to the best of my knowledge, probably the game with the most mods made for it Ever, right? because it genuinely is kind of a fucking bad game, and it genuinely fucking needs them, and as of special edition it is actually a pretty good basis for mods since it's 64 bit and shit. playing skyrim vanilla is like eating raw meat, and adding mods is like adding seasoning and cooking it

though i will say that this is definitely a "heh, nice dichotomy loser, what exists OUTSIDE it!!!!" moment, i'd consider even vanilla fallout new vegas to be one of the greatest games of all time, and it's got one of the best modding communities Ever. though also, in terms of raw mechanics, it also kinda needed it due to how rushed and buggy it was (and still is). morrowind and oblivion have pretty sizable modding scenes even over/almost 20 years after release (depending on which one you choose), and i'd consider them both to be pretty solid games at their core, albeit deeply flawed.

this isn't to say that i think modularity is a bad thing btw, i'd actually argue that it makes games better and more longlasting than they would have, and i think that community generated content is at least conceptually an unequivocally good thing. i also just think that with some extremely well designed games, they don't really need it so much, and even if they had the same modding tools as bethesda games have i don't think they'd have the same degree of community. another notable deeply modular thing that i'd argue is incredibly good is the AR pattern rifle. while the glock is definitely modular for a handgun, the AR might be the most modular firearm platform Ever. and it's arguably the best service rifle of the modern age, inarguably at least one of two

[yee-fxcking-haw]

Could I please request a fluffy scenario where keigo warms the reader up with cuddles, like the reader got caught in the rain on their walk back home and it’s winter so when they get home they’re freezing and keigo warms them up by cuddling them🥺please

•Hold Me Close•

Summary: Just what the request says, and then it turned into a song fic lmao.

Pairing: Keigo Takami(Hawks) x Reader

Warnings: This is nothing but cheese. Mentions of panic, Hawks is super protective.

A/N: This request made me absolutely m e l t and then I turned into a hallmark headass halfway through and made it as cheesey as possible. Thank you for the request! I hope you like it!!💜

Word Count: 2,466

Inspired by this song: La Vie En Rose

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You trudge down the sidewalk, snowflakes biting at your cheeks. There's nothing soft or romantic about the snow that's falling, it's all harsh and icey. The wind beats against your body, causing you to lean forward in order to keep forward momentum.

Not in an angry way, in a protective way, he would lose his shit if he saw you now. You're soaked by the snow, sniffling red nose and a quivering jaw. You make your way home with your head down and your body trembling, but by the time you're there you can't feel your fingers, even with them tucked into the heat of your armpits.

You open the door as silently as you can, knowing Keigo must be sleeping. You got off work so very late though, he might not have been able to rest. He worries too much, he's probably called a dozen times, he's more than likely up pacing like he does when he over thinks.

Though, when you enter your apartment, it's dead silent. No nervous wreck to be seen, the furniture is all in order, and the bedroom door is wide open with all the lights on.

He's not even here.

You shuffle into the kitchen and notice there's a kettle of water boiling on the stove top. This strikes you as incredibly strange, Keigo is always too mindful to leave things going like that, much too aware of the danger.

Then you see your feather, placed on the small table against the wall. Keigo gave it to you very early on. At first you hated the idea of being tracked, but he insisted it wasn't for spying. It was there to keep you safe, he was there to keep you safe.

With trembling hands, you pick up the soft scarlett gift and press it into your chest.

Come home. You think, with an ache in your soul. You know he can't pick up words, but he can pick up feelings. You feel the feather shiver in your fingers before pressing against your chest, almost like it wants to shred the fabric of your shirt and bury itself in your skin.

You stand there for a moment, clinging to the hint of Keigo you have.

Then you hear a heavy thump behind you.

Thank God.

The familiar sound of Keigo landing on the balcony falls on your ears and fills your chest with relief. You turn around just as he comes tumbling through the sliding door.

He's a jumble of crimsons and golds, all mixing and flashing off each other as he barrels towards you, slamming the door behind him as he does.

"Kei, I'm sorry, my phone died and I-"

"Why didn't you wait?" He asks with a harsh tone, shucking off his gloves so he can press his warm palms to your cheeks.

"God, kid, you're an icicle." His pupils are simple black lines dividing seas of amber.

"You're clothes are fucking soaked." His hands rip your sweater off as feathers shoot out of his wings and fly to the bedroom.

"Kei, please calm down, I'm ok-"

"You will be, I just gotta get you warm. Why didn't you borrow somebody's phone? Why didn't you just stay put? You could have-"

"Keigo!" Now it's your turn to grab his face, his hands halt their mission of removing your damp clothes as he freezes before you.

He searches your face wildly, lips twitching as they hold back the hundreds of "could have's" he wants to yell at you for.

"Birdie, I'm fine, look at me, I'm ok." You smooth your thumbs over his rosey cheeks, wiping off melted snow flakes as you do.

"I'm a little cold, yeah, but I am ok." You stress the last three words, making them slow and clear.

His pupils relax the slightest bit, making him look a tad less wild, just a tad.

He gets like this over small things, paper cuts and cherry sized bruises. He hates it when you're even slightly unwell. You can't get him off of you when you're sick, which is all sweet and endearing. Until he panics.

He's so dedicated to keeping you safe and well, that when there's even a hint that you might be anything less than that, he goes into a full fit. You've had to talk him down on several occasions, shake him, slap him even, just to get him to focus and know that you are ok.

His feathers return with a woosh, depositing a pair of his sweats and large sweater into his hands.

"You're ok." He mumbles as he grabs the bottom of your shirt and hoists it off of you.

He doesn't say it to you, he says it to himself.

You let him remove your freezing clothes, and you let him replace them with the warmth of the new ones. Heat seeps through your limbs and your shivering stills.

He continues to mumble to himself that you're ok, that you're safe. As soon as you're fully changed, clothed to his standards, he grabs you urgently and pulls you against his chest. Your arms settle around his torso as he folds his wings around the two of you.

You see nothing but scarlet as he creates a strange sort of tent around the both of you, holding you against him like they're a second pair of arms. You know why, it's so warm inside them, so safe.

He kisses the top of your head, letting out the massive breath he's been holding.

"Next time, you wait for me, inside somewhere." He says, voice rumbling against you through his chest.

"Kei, I'm fine, I can wa-"

"Dove…" It's a warning, firm and authoritative.

"You'll wait for me." He says, finality in his tone.

"I'll wait for you." You resign, knowing it's a losing battle.

Before any other words are shared, he hoists you by the waist, picking you up so you'll wrap your legs around his hips. He keeps you caged by his wings, but you can see his face now. His features are all pinched together, lines of worry etched into every handsome plane.

He settles on the couch with you straddling his lap, his hands slide down your arms to gather your frozen fingers. He sandwiches them between his own, bringing the tangle of appendages to his mouth so he can blow hot air onto them.

He peers at you above your knuckles, and your chest squeezes. Now, slightly settled and very close, you see how bloodshot they are.

"You worry too much, Birdie." You sigh, scooting closer to him.

He closes his eyes and breathes in before kissing your hands earnestly.

"I'm allowed to." He mutters.

You share a moment of comforting silence, both ok, both with each other.

When his eyes open again his pupils are nearly normal, nearly sane looking again.

You pull your hands away from his, only to cradle his beautiful face in your palms. He melts into the touch, chest deflating as he eases into the feeling of having you close again.

"I was about to rip the damn city apart. I tried work first, then the coffee shop you like, then you weren't there and I-"

"Kei, I'm ok." You repeat, interrupting him when you feel his hands grab your legs a little too hard, seeing his chest rise and fall a little too rapidly.

"I will wait for you next time, I'll borrow a phone, I'll stay inside. I promise." You smooth your hands into his wild mane, playing with the glittery tresses as you soothe him with your words.

He sinks back down, body less alert, senses working less urgently.

"Please, Angel, please…" His voice is so quiet, so scared.

You don't answer, you just nod and let him pull you forward. Collapsing onto his chest, thankful for his heat, for his protection. You stay like that for a long while, just holding. You coo words of reassurance to him, feeling his body unwind, pretending to ignore the tears he presses into your neck as he clings to you with selfish hands.

"Can we stay in tomorrow?" He asks quietly, lips still pressed to the top of your head.

He shifts his wings to the sides, letting the real world back in slightly.

"Of course." You nod against his chest before pulling back to look down at him again.

"I'm sorry." You breathe, genuinely regretting the worry you've caused him.

"Dove, don't be, you can't help when I slip into mission mode." He sighs, looking at you with almost guilty eyes.

Mission mode had become his politically correct term for panicking. Keigo doesn't panic, he can't panic. He just gets tunnel vision, he gets protective, he goes into mission mode.

You nod and hum, sliding your hands up his chest, noticing how damp his clothes are.

"Can I make us some tea while you change?" You play with his collar while you talk, thumbing at the remaining snowflakes.

"That sounds nice." He agrees, sending feathers off to get himself some clothing.

You should have known he wouldn't go change. He won't leave you for a little while, he'll tag along behind you, holding your sleeve, playing with your hair, just staying close.

And he does, after you slide off his lap to help him redress as he helped you. He ruffles his wings once he's dressed in his black t-shirt with matching joggers. Water flies off the feathers in every direction, successfully dampening several pieces of furniture.

"You're supposed to do that outside." You say with a chuckle in your voice. It's charming, getting after him like he's just shaken an umbrella over the rug.

He huffs as he follows you into the kitchen, bringing one wing around so he can pick at the feathers.

"I'm not goin' back out there." He smooths his hands over his plumage, seemingly content with the order of them.

He does the same with the other wing, settling in the edge of the table. He brings his legs up and sits crisscrossed on the tabletop, immediately causing a warm familiar glow to spread through your body.

If Keigo can help it, he'll forsake a chair and find a place to sit up high. He hates it when you tell him he's perching, so you don't. You just admire him in silence, heart going gooey over his avian tendencies.

"I know, 'perching.'" He rolls his eyes, catching your staring as you place tea bags in two separate mugs.

Green tea for you, chamomile for him.

"I wasn't gonna say it." You smile fondly as you pour the hot water over the bags.

He rolls his shoulders back, wings twitching and flicking as they settle behind him. He sends a single feather off so it can flick on the little stereo on the counter. It fills the kitchen romantic sounding waltz music, like something two lovers would dance to in the twenties.

"Didn't have to." He hops off the table, strolling up behind you before snaking his hands around your waist.

"Honey?" You ask, placing the kettle back down.

"Yes, dear?" He says in a mocking, sing-songy tone.

You roll your eyes and nudge his rib with your elbow. "I meant in your tea, dumbass."

He chuckles and pulls you back into him so he can bury his nose in the crook of your neck. He presses some sweet, gentle kisses into your skin.

"I got all the honey I need right here." He sways the two of you gently, humming as the music changes to a familiar song. You roll your eyes internally at his dumb one liner, swooning reluctantly when he kisses the sensitive spot under your ear.

"You like this song, don't you?" He continues his humming and swaying as you recognize the tune.

La Vie En Rose, it's cheesy, but you do indeed love it. The version is pretty too, just acoustic guitar and a soft sounding woman caressing the lyrics with her voice.

"When you kiss me, heaven sighs..." He sings softly, spinning you in his arms. His hands find their home on your waist as yours loop around his neck. You smile up at him as he beams down at you, still singing with his calming voice.

"...When you press me to your heart…" A hand slides around to press against your lower back, bringing your torso's together tightly.

"...I'm in a world apart, a world where roses bloom…" His voice really is pretty, it shocked you when you first heard him sing, but only briefly. After all, it only makes sense that a bird would sing.

You spend the next few lines mesmerized, letting him serenade you as you start to sway and turn around the softly lit kitchen, mostly illuminated by the caramel glow coming from the street lights outside.

"Give your heart and soul to me, and life will always be…" Your swaying slows as you both still slightly, each of you enraptured in the other, you're captured by his golden gaze, unable to move or think or breathe.

He leans in then, slowly, almost with the caution of a first kiss. He presses his lips against yours so carefully, so thoughtfully. It's slow and sweet and soft, it feels so safe. Here in his arms, being kissed so tenderly, so intentionally.

When you break apart, you don't move apart. You stay there, foreheads pressed together, the gentle swaying returns to your bodies. You both just stand there and cherish the beauty of it, the marvelous feeling of being so thoroughly known and loved.

"Thank you, Birdie." You whisper, looking up at him through your lashes.

"What for, angel?" One of his hands comes up to hold your face.

"For loving me like this, for keeping me safe." You answer, leaning into his touch before kissing his palm.

He damn near shivers as he watches you adore him, as he feels you need him.

"You'll never know how precious you are…" He sighs out, bringing you in to hold you against his chest, still swaying ever so gently.

"I'll keep you safe. Until I can't breathe and then beyond the grave. I'll keep you safe."

It doesn't have to be possible, it doesn't have to be feasible, it just needs to be said. It needs to be felt, between the two of you, dancing in your kitchen like two people that have loved each other for a lifetime.

Next time you'll wait for him, you'll stay inside, you'll borrow a phone...

[dragonsareourfuture]

Mello/GN! Reader — Shower Thoughts

I’m reading the death note manga for the first time and I recently got to that part where Mello’s just kinda. Waitin’ outside the shower for Halle bc they cant talk anywhere else without being heard by bugs. I think its really funny but I couldn’t help but imagine that same scene happening with someone with a completely different personality. So have a small thing I wrote about it. Basically the reader likes to be annoying and uses humor to deflect from serious situations. I’m not self-projecting what do you mean.

“So.” You haven’t shut up since Mello pointed the gun to your head. It’s like he’s forced you to spit out an essay of the dumbest shit he’s ever heard and you were giving him material for an ‘A+’. He has no idea if this is your way of panicking during a stressful situation or if you just like to irritate him. He just knows he’s annoyed as all hell and has the power to silence you…but he wouldn’t do that. He needs you to get to Near. Unfortunately. “How was your day?”

His eyes bore into the sink, as if willing the faucet to start up and fill the room with water so he can drown. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“You’re right, you’re right. I guess that wasn’t the best question, huh? Sorry.”

Mello hums. He’s staying as still as he can. It’s not like he thinks that any movement will prompt you to talk again, but that’s what the paranoid part of his brain is telling him. Silence. He just needs a few moments of silence—

“Ah, shit! Soap in my eye! I got—ahhh fuck – I got soap in my eye…”

“Great. Think you can suffer any more quietly?”

“Wow. No sympathy.” You pout, and the tone in your voice is genuinely upset. Most likely because he’s not playing along and not because you’re so offended that he’s being cruel to a poor, soap-blinded person. “Gevanni wouldn’t treat me this way.”

“If he could hear you I’m sure he’d want to blow your brains out, too.”

You bark with laughter. Mello hears a soap bottle fall.

“Aren’t you so cute! I certainly don’t mind if you stay here a little longer, yellow Mello! We could build you a nice lil’ pillow fort in the bathtub.”

Mello’s rubbing his temples, letting out a labored sigh. He is legitimately getting a headache from you. He thought that was just something people claimed happens when they’re being dramatic but he is actually getting a headache. But again, he needs you. And you’ve been an incredible help thus far. Despite your mannerisms and attitude, you’re actually a pretty serious and loyal person when it counts. These are all things Mello tells himself as he’s counting down from one hundred – and old anger management trick that he was forced to learn back at Wammy’s. He has found that it has little effect.

“Hey,” you call, as if bothered by the short bout of silence in the room. “I’m- shit…I’m sorry, okay? I don’t like this situation either. But I guess…I’m trying to make it a little better?”

For once, you let only the patter of water on porcelain fill the room. He can almost hear your breathing, and it sounds calculated. Mello’s headache wains.

“Thanks.” It’s all he can think to say. He knows you mean well, he always has. “I appreciate the effort.”

Your relieved chuckle bounces off the walls. It’s a sound Mello is happy to hear.

“M’glad.” And he can tell you are, as the smile you wear can be heard in your voice. “I’ll be done in a minute, I promise. I just gotta wash my hair so I’ll give you a play by play of what I’m doing so you know just how ‘almost done’ I am.”

“(Name), please don’t—“

“I’m grabbing the conditioner.”

“I swear if you—“

“I’m squeezing some onto my hand.”

Mello can feel his headache creep back into his skull. “I literally have a gun and you’re gonna make me wanna—“

“I’m putting it on my hea-AHH!” your riveting narration is interrupted by a screech when Mello punches the shower curtain right next to your face. “JESUS!”

He goes to tell you off when his eyes flit to the bathroom mirror and his words are caught in his throat. The sight that greets him is different for two different reasons. The first reason makes the second reason even more curious. Firstly, Mello has learned to accept that his face will never look the same again. His eyes wander around his left side, trace the pattern of the scar melded into his flesh like a searing reminder of how he’ll always be stuck where he is, never progressing, never rising above. But the scar has more than mental drawbacks; it also limits the physical movements of his features. Its stiff, like stone has begun to creep over the expanse of his face. So why, then, was he just able to smile so effortlessly without even noticing?

As annoying as you are…you’re the most fun Mello’s had in a while.

“Alright, I’ll stop! I’m sorry!”

“Yeah, Yeah. Just hurry up.”

“Oh right, we’ve gotta deceive my boss in a few.”

Mello snorts at how nonchalantly you say it. “I doubt he isn’t aware of us already.”

“’Us’?”

“That we’ve been conspiring.”

“Oh, right,” you chirp happily, but a tense pause follows. “For a second you made it sound like…”

“Like what?”

“Pshh, I don’t know!” you do know. “Now I’m about to get out so look away or I’ll throw soap in your eyes.” Ah, changing the subject. A classic method of avoiding embarrassment and a tactic you’ve grown so used to using it’s practically an unconscious choice by now.

But luckily, Mello doesn’t seem to want to dwell on it either. He instead focuses on your last sentence, responding by clicking his tongue against his teeth. “We’re both adults here.”

“I know that! I’m concerned that if you get a look at my godly self you won’t be able to control your adultly urges.”

“’Adultly’s not a word.”

You’re able stick your tongue out at him once you pop your head out of the shower, grabbing a towel from the rack.

“Taking the high road, I see.”

“Oh, shush. I never take the high road.” You flick water at Mello as you step out of the shower. “Alrighty. Time to go pretend to be a hostage while you threaten my boss. Oh, clothes first!”

“I’ll be here.”

After sending an affirming thumbs up, you exit the bathroom, a swirl of steam trailing behind you.

He’ll be here…It honestly is a shame he can’t stay here any longer. But it’d be suspicious. Near would find too many connections between the two of you. But…there are ways to avoid that happening.

Mello finds himself seriously considering the bathtub pillow fort idea.

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Looking Respectfully ~ J.M.

A/n: This request SENT ME I loved it!

Request: “...Jack Morton x male reader we’re he sees jack naked after a shift and is like “I didn’t see anything” and walks away and jack keeps coming up to him trying to talk to him or something. It can be a Vera stone reader since that seems like the trend.” By anon

MASTERLIST

This was totally stupid and unfair.

Y/n Stone was an incredibly talented magician and spending all day scrubbing up after seemingly endless sacrifices was a waste of his time! Just because he was technically new to the Order and a freshman didn’t mean he didn’t know what he was doing, or shouldn’t be far higher up the ranks, and everyone knew it. He had talent, but he also had training. When magic had been so quickly discovered by him, his mother had realized she would have to teach him to use it responsibly or he’d keep watching her and bad things would happen to him and those he cared about. He’d been training since before he was in any kind of school let alone college. He was a harder study than some blonde haired, blue eyed girl with dreams too big and self control too low. He was more dependable than some werewolf boy with white hair and a pretty smile and...

He should have been doing better than he was, goddamnit!

It didn’t matter what he thought, or what everyone knew though. No matter how much he glared, people pretended to order him around until he gave them the same look that his mother was known for. His mother, Vera Stone, who was Grand Magus! Oh, did he mention that? He was raised by the single most kickass witch ever and he was SCRUBBING BLOOD AND GUTS OFF OF ALTERS! He was made for something more than-

Y/n forced a deep breath into his nose, releasing it rather hotly. He needed to calm down. It would do no good to lose his cool. People already looked down on him; if he so much as batted an eyelashes or instinctually flinched they’d hold it against him. No weakness. No emotion.

No distractions.

The thought alone had dared fate. The fierce way he demanded himself to stay absolutely focused on his work. The way his mind immediately filled with blue eyes and blonde hair, but not Alyssa. No, when he closed his eyes he saw a charming smile and he heard a voice layered thickly with sarcasm. He remembered ramming into someone and landing on the floor, and the way a pair of arms had pulled him off of the ground by his arm with no help from Y/n, or hesitation or struggle, like Y/n weighed nothing. Y/n wasn’t small enough for it to be as easy as it seemed, no way in hell.

It was as impossible to ignore as his yearning to be Grand Magus. His yearning to be well learned and above all, see his mother’s smile when he succeeded and surpassed what she expected of him. He would surprise her and make her proud... and yet as clear as that feeling was in his heart, there was another. A feeling he had denied himself with complete success until he’d met one man who seemed set on ruining everything.

Jack fucking Morton.

Honestly, Y/n should have known better. He shouldn’t have thought it. He shouldn’t have demanded he stay focused, knowing the one thing that could distract him was always in the one place Y/n didn’t want him to be.

Like now, Fate seemed to be having fun messing with him.

“OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY!” Never before had Y/n exited a room so quickly, or lost his cool in such a way. Usually he was level headed, and if it had been literally anyone else it would have been fine. But it had been Jack Morton. It HAD to be Jack fucking Morton.

And he had been naked.

Oh my god.

Y/n turned away from the door, dropping the cleaning supplies he had been meaning to put away, in the middle of the hall, and simply booking it down the hallway, past his friends who had been waiting for him. He didn’t even stop when his mom called for him - he just sped walked all the way outside and to his dorm room. He got a text from his mom but he just quickly told her he was sick and then turned his phone on silent because holy hell THAT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN!

He lay on his back, in bed, staring at the ceiling above him. He was trying to reason himself through this. He was Vera Stone’s son. He was the greatest magician of his time. The youngest ever in the history of the Order to genuinely be set up for Grand Master, and not even Alyssa could deny it wasn’t because of his mom. His skill was all due to him. He had the discipline to learn such powerful stuff as quickly and as in depth as he had. He was powerful and unbreakable and unbeatable. He’d even learned other things in case he couldn’t use magic! He was well taught and had a promising future and had control over himself and... and...

And he was reeling because he’d just seen Jack Morton nearly completely naked.

He tried to distract himself. He drew and read and practiced some easy magic. Everything he tried he lost interest in quickly, unable to focus. All he could see were those wide blue eyes and that shock of white hair and the curve of shoulders and the layout of his chest and his lips parted in shock-

He shut his eyes tight. He couldn’t let this happen. He had to control it, like he always did. He had to keep it locked up and hidden because this was unreasonable. He had gone ages not being attracted to anyone, and being perfectly content learning magic and leaving it there.

No matter what he told himself or what he did in attempt to draw his mind away or what he insisted, nothing was working.

His eyes opened and he stared at the ceiling again as if it had been the one to betray him; as if it wasn’t his own heart that was his enemy in this moment. He groaned, feeling panic rise in his throat. And all he could think was: “Shit.”

Y/n tried. He REALLY tried to steer clear of Jack for the next... forever, if he could manage it. He wasn’t getting even close though as even on the days they didn’t happen to have duties in the temple together, Jack somehow found Y/n just in the halls, or in a bathroom or in the one class they shared together or while Y/n was on the way to his tutoring session. No matter how hard Y/n tried, he’d not even made it a full day without Jack popping out of absolutely nowhere and begging to talk to Y/n about “what had happened.”

It was nonsense, and Y/n made it clear every time that he thought so. “This is ridiculous, Morton. There’s nothing to talk about stop acting like such an idiot.”

Alas, Jack had bested Y/n yet again in coming up with the perfect response, as Y/n was a terrible liar. “I saw your face when you opened that door! It was red. You were blushing, and you never blush. And you panicked, and you never panic! And... you checked me out.”

“Did not!” Y/n had gasped the first few times, continually offended.

“I saw it!” Jack threw back each time.

Until he had gotten bored and Y/n had simply stopped responding to Jack, which seemed to feed the faux blonde even more.

Y/n was at the end of his rope.

And Jack knew it.

Finally, there was a day that Y/n had no excuses. He had nowhere else to be and no way to get out. Jack had trapped him in the temple, after everyone else had gone home. Y/n had been stuck on cleaning duty, and Jack had offered to help. When Y/n had insisted he didn’t need anyone else’s help, his friends had left, but Jack had been stubborn, and now the two were alone and would be for some time.

“So are we going to talk about it or are you just going to keep avoid me like I have some contagious sickness that’s going to kill you?” Jack demanded after several minutes of tense, awkward silence.

Y/n scoffed. “We’re cleaning up animal innards and you want to talk about how I walked in on you changing?”

Jack shrugged. “I wanted to talk about how you totally have a crush on me.”

“Over animal innards?” Y/n repeated, beginning to glare as he scrubbed at the blood caking the floor.

An odd expression crossed over Jack’s face. “You won’t let me talk to you any other time and it’s not ideal, but yeah. Over animal innards.” He looked at Y/n, but the other boy didn’t say anything so he just sighed and went back to work. As casually as if speaking about what he was headed to next - like it was small talk and totally normal and they weren’t cleaning up blood and guts - Jack said very quietly, “I like you too. It’s the only reason I’ve been trying to contact you.”

Y/n slipped. He caught himself before he face planted into the blood, but his eyes shot up and locked on Jack’s face. He was looking back, smirking. It wasn’t a teasing smirk though. Not one that lead Y/n to believe the werewolf was pulling his leg. No, it was the look of a man who had made a huge gamble and it had gone perfectly in his favor. His eyes danced with victory.

Looking back at the floor, Y/n swallowed and tried to orient his thought. He kept scrubbing, his heart hammering in his chest. “You free Saturday?” He couldn’t pull off the same casual tone as Jack; his voice broke at the end.

“For you?” Jack eased. “Always.”

Y/n’s face didn’t lighten a single shade below cherry red the rest of the day.

[realisaonum]

book meme

thank you, jen @det395​ !! i feel like this meme got away from me a bit, but no shame! i love talking about books and writing so onward ~under the cut~

1- how many books are too many books in a series? 

mhmmmmm i guess it depends on the objective of the series, right? is the plan to have x number of books in the series and if so, when we finally get to the end will it be satisfying considering all the books we’ve read leading up to it? OR is the objective of the premise / characters just to exist doing whatever? both can be done well. i would say a lot rides on how much i trust the author.

2- what do you think about cliffhangers?

so this is meant for cliffhangers in a series like between books? i don’t really care if there’s a cliffhanger as long as i have the next book sitting right next to me. otherwise uh, only if the wait between books is tolerable, because at that point you need to know that the author can clear this mess up, right? there’s this other thing, like you know how if the entire series was already written, then they might release the books a month apart or a quarter apart - that could be alright too. but years in between? not especially a fan. is anyone a fan?

3- hardback or paperback?

jen, you and me are complete opposites here. paperbacks stress me out. i will go out of my way to buy a used hardcover if given the choice. of course, there are some publications i don’t mind in paperback —thinking poetry and super indie books that don’t have a hardcover release OR books where the spines are thin enough they won’t break and i won’t be holding them long enough for them to wear. hardcovers are sturdy and i don’t have to worry i’ll accidentally bend the cover in some damaging way. I am invested in keeping my books nice to the point that i create covers for my books out of kraft paper or brown grocery bags while i am reading them. this is something i started when i was in college and didn’t want these books i was hoping to probably resell get thrashed coming in and out of my bag for all these classes. My home library is probs more half and half paperback/hardcover but if given a choice usually it’s hardcover.

4- least favourite book?

i think it’s good to at least attempt to meet a book on its level. there are lots of books i didn’t like, but i wasn’t meeting them on their level and i know that so we’re ignoring those. i do however have a shelf on my goodreads dedicated to books that i have beef with so i’ll just go off on two of them.....

tana french’s the likeness for being plagiaristic shit. it is essentially poorly concealed alternate universe OC insert fic of the secret history. you’ve got french’s dublin murder squad folks and then this group they are investigating who bear a STRIKING resemblance to the greek students in tsh 🤔. this would be one thing. it is pretty well acknowledged that nothing is original and there are enough changes to The Likeness that MAYBE i could let it slide if not for this other thing: french’s book, the likeness, has lines that are just basically reworded quotes from the secret history and french positions these lines so they are said by the counterpart (essentially same!) character that gave them original life in tsh. i cannot stress this enough: you can HEAR how similar the sentences are and their core intent is always the same. it’s thinly veiled theft! it astounds me that French hasn’t been sued frankly. it is one thing to want to capture some of the genius that tartt’s debut novel holds, but it is completely lazy and disgusting theft to go about it in the way French did with this book. and YES the secret history was published before french’s book. if i could stomach how fucking goddamn boring the likeness was to read it a second time and cite every one of these offenses i would, but that’s yet a third strike against it—it’s too boring to be worth it. 

T. Kingfisher’s second book of the Clocktuar War duology : The Wonder Engine. this is a book that i feel violated the contract between writer and reader. the first book feels almost like a YA book. the stakes while described as very high are treated, as actions unfold, as very low. nothing truly irreparable happens until the climax of the second book and the fallout of that action is so off-tone of everything that came before i felt deeply betrayed. no, like, completely betrayed as in it ruined the rest of my afternoon, i am still viscerally angry eight months later, and i will never trust this author again. sure, maybe none of those actions that led to the climax were out-of-character, but there was nothing NOTHING in the proceeding action that even came close to that level of consequence. it’s a pity because right up till that point i was having a really good time. the entire vibe of the rising action to the climax of book one all the way through the rising action of book two was just a quippy fun version of roadtrip/quest - it felt like a comfort read. the abrupt tone shift had all the subtlety of dropping a graphically, brutal murder into Blue’s Clues. you don’t do that - this is a basic tenet of a writer / reader relationship. i’m not touching this bitch’s shit again.

5- Love Triangle, yes or no?

not so much. i like jen before me will scream ‘just be poly.’ love triangles that lead into poly relationships? yes, awesome will be glad i read. but i am at a stage in my life where your standard will-they-won’t-they-love-triangle is just fucking pointlessly frustrating to me. an example: i read a Nic Stone’s book Odd One Out a couple years ago and something about the synopsis or the hype made me think that it would resolve the love triangle that way, so when that did not happen i was incredibly frustrated and immediately wanted to resell the book. it’s the potential of the thing. stone’s book could have been the perfect vehicle for opening up the concept of polyamory to a ya audience but instead just really squandered that potential with weak floundering — in my opinion!

6- the most recent book you just couldn’t finish

uhhhhh i’ve got two and i’m not sure i’ve entirely given up quite yet buuuuuuuut 

fucking dune. i got really pissed off with this book. So just…setting aside the whole vaguing at a pedophilically inclined queer coded villain - it’s done so poorly, that it's almost funny? like it doesn’t (as of half way through) actually have any consequence on…anything at all and is tacked on like an afterthought to the end of his scenes. honestly it all could just be cut out entirely with no recourse to the larger story. So my actual beef with this book is the pacing is ATROCIOUS. like yo, not only do you expect me to give a shit about these Atreides cunts, when we just met them and we spend the same amount of time with them IF NOT MORE with the antagonist? but you also expect me to believe Paul was able to just convince the leader of the Arrakis people —the leader of an entire planet!!— with a single fucking sentence??? yeah, not so much. it was not set up for me to believe that Paul could do that! maybe if Kynes hadn’t died immediately after—or at least not died at that moment? baring the fact I thought he was by far the most interesting character, IF he had been convinced by Paul in that scene, it would have been great to see some actual work done around that - with a transfer or a liaise of power between Kynes and Paul and the Fremen. By not having any substantive scene that does it - it begs the question of what the fuck was the point of the character in the first place? unplumbed potential!!! over all there seem to be some key scenes missing to get the reader to where the narrative expects us to be? but the choices made of the characters we spend time with and the moments we see with them, the benefit to the larger story…is not always there. hey herbert, these words you have written aren’t doing what you want them to?? i feel like i should finish it but i reaaaaallly don’t want to :) the only thing i can say is it looks like from the trailer, villeneueve is giving space to these moments so that the viewer can foster a genuine connection with the characters? radical concept.

our lady of perpetual hunger - i started this one optimistically bc i like chef memoirs, but i am at the point where she has just given birth to her son and honestly DON’T CARE. i still haven’t officially given up on it yet since i actually fucking bought it like a dope. i certainly would not have if i knew how much NOT about working the line this was gonna be

7- book you are currently reading

Aside from the failures mentioned above, I am working on the second book in B. Catling’s Vorrh trilogy, The Erstwhile. Also very close to finally finishing Iain Sinclair’s The Last London - there’s a review of his work from the LA Times that goes “One of Sinclair’s greatest skills has always been his ability to take diverse if not chaotic source material and refashion it in a way that sometimes seems downright alchemical” which captures some of the wonder I experience when reading his work. His style and how he creates atmosphere and setting is just unique and astounding.

8- last book you recommended to someone

The Secret History by Donna Tartt. Before that I told my brother to read Eat a Peach, as we both love Anthony Bourdain and David Chang talks about him a bit here, plus it’s just a fucking great book. any book that gives insight into Chang’s methodology and paradigm is worth a shot.

9- oldest book you read

I think it might have to be Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night (which apparently according to wiki premiered on the stage a whole four months before Hamlet so that’s what we’re going with) and if plays don’t count, I don’t care. I think they count and that’s what we’re going with.

10- the most recent book you read ?

Given the previous question, the most recently published book, right? It’s gotta be the one I just finished: The First Collection of Criticism by a Living Female Rock Critic - Revised and Expanded edt., which like just came out this summer. I watched Jessica Hopper’s promo zoom, curtesy of my local indie bookstore, and went ahead and bought it. This was a great decision! It was just what I needed to read these last couple of weeks. i love there’s lots of short pieces that made the read quick and the fact that it’s non-fiction so there was no pressure of a plot or the emotional weight of character investment when I had a lot of big stressors dragging me down irl -it was such a relief. Hopper’s criticism is fun to read and there’s some real art in her appreciation of music here.

11- favourite author?

These are the top in a kind of order but not really: Donna Tartt, Jeff VanderMeer, Megan Whalen Turner, Flannery O’Conner, Chuck Palahniuk, Anthony Bourdain

Other faves very much worth mentioning: Emily O’Neill, Richard Siken, Brandon Sanderson, Warren Ellis, Nathan Englander, Stephen King, Eddie Huang, Carl Hiaassen, Anne Carson, and Iain Sinclair.

12- buying books or borrowing books?

Depends on if my library has it, of course! I nearly always see if my library has a copy first if i have never read it or the author before. If i’ve read the book before or trust the author, I’ll buy it. Like I’ll straight out buy new stuff from Jeff VanderMeer even though with him it’s either this-hits-exactly-and-is-my-new-fave or i-really-disliked-this-but-admire-the-boundaries-you’re-pushing-my-dude - so it’s always a gamble but a worthy one.

12- a book you dislike that everyone else seems to love

a little life (just bc it's torture porn elevated to art doesn’t negate the fact that it’s torture porn. Yanagihara’s project here is repugnant and the fact that this book is lauded as moving lgbt fiction makes my skin crawl)

sharp objects (good writing, compelling story, BUT typographical scarification doesn't work like that - i am not going to get into it but i know from first hand experience how Flynn described it is not accurate)

nesbø’s the snowman (what kinda dumbass detective would think THAT when a woman finds her missing father’s corpse? absolute idiocy - so obviously reverse engineered with that end in mind)

the raven cycle (fuck ronan lynch to start and then fuck him to end as well - there’s some other stuff but mostly he’s a total CUNT and if i don’t say that once a day i have probably died)

14 - bookmarks or dogears?

Bookmarks and sticky notes. Then I can place it pointing directly to the paragraph I last stopped on.

15- The book you can always reread?

This is my question because I reread all the time. ALL THE TIME. Books I reread often: The Secret History, Medium Raw (especially chapter 17 The Fury), Crooked Kingdom, The Violent Bear It Away, and The Goldfinch. Every year like clockwork (since it came out apparently) I will reread Stephen King’s The Outsider.

Other books I feel the urge to reread: VanderMeer’s Acceptance, Englander’s Dinner at the Center of the Earth, Frazier’s Nightwoods, Fresh Off the Boat, the Mr. Mercedes trilogy, the Peter Grant Series (which is queued up for another go here soon I think), any of the stories from A Good Man is Hard to Find, Sanderson’s Wax and Wayne Mistborn books, simon vs the homosapiens’ agenda, and there are two of Alan Morinis’ books on Mussar that I am technically always revisiting—when i need a reminder, i’ll jump around and read specific sections to get centered again.

16- can you read while listening to music?

Yes, but only ambient or near ambient (only usually one track on repeat) or a soundtrack I am extremely familiar with. No new music. I do usually need some audio stimulation or my mind will wander terribly.

17- one POV or multi POV?

Multi pov can certainly be done well (looking at the soc duaology and VanderMeer’s Acceptance) but working a multi-pov means there are more plates spinning, it’s more of a challenge, and some authors pull it off better than others.

18- do you read book in one sitting or in multiple days?

I don’t really do this anymore. that might have something to do with me picking up thicker books? but also i have a full time job now and let’s be real the book has to be hella good if i don’t want to put it down. the last book i attempted to shotgun was the final installment of my favorite series and it still took me two days so....i can get through a lot of books but none of them are ever in one sitting anymore.

19- who to tag:

@sybilius​ @mouth-rainboy​ @iwonderifthatisart​ @phereinnike​ @magnificentmoose​ @wambsgangs​ @moriarteaparty​ and anyone else if you feel so inclined!

Bonus Question: What’s on your to-read shelf? 

As for me, I am excited about one i just picked up, Danforth’s Plain Bad Heroines, which i might start tomorrow and I will be taking Paul Madonna’s Come to Light on my trip to see my brother this coming weekend. 

[retirementhomecollab]

☾ the witching hour

☾ decision: living room

☾ warnings: f!reader, supernatural themes (kind of), slight mockery of said supernatural themes.

☾ word count: 1.7k

You decide to head to the living room.

You think there’s no better place to get into the swing of the party. Making your way to the centre of the room, you think you see a few people you know, including a certain spiky-haired boy, leaning over a board game.

“This is bullshit,” you hear him grumble as you spot a small group of guys from last semester’s general biology lab (affectionately referred to as the biology for idiots course).

“It’s not bullshit,” Hanamaki argues as he leans forward and places his hands on something in the middle of the board. “Now put your fingers on the planchette, Hajime, I’m trying to get myself a ghost girlfriend tonight.”

Beside him, Matsukawa snickers. “Dude, I don’t even think you’d be able to land the chick from The Ring. Maybe we should just ask the spirits about when you’ll get a job.”

Kneeling across the board, Oikawa lets out a whistle. “Low blow, Mattsun.”

You skirt around the couch to get a closer view when the brunet spots you from the corner of his eye.

“Oh!” he calls out, waving you over with a sudden grin across his face. “Look who’s here!” he calls out to seemingly everyone but you. You watch the same smile form on Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s faces as they spot you too and you suddenly feel very reluctant about joining them.

“Perfect timing,” Oikawa purrs as he motions for you to sit between him and Iwaizumi. “We’d love for you to join.”

You draw closer, finally able to spot the game at your feet. An array of letters and numbers are printed on the board with ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ printed on the top corners. On the very bottom, beneath Matsukawa’s wrists is the word ‘Goodbye’.

“Oh no,” you breathes, the realization hitting you all at once.

“Oh yes,” Oikawa says.

-

You’re slotted right next to Iwaizumi now, shoulders touching as you listen to Oikawa’s lighthearted explanation of how to “properly” use the board. To your relief, it doesn’t look like as genuine as you would imagine it to be; the board itself is shiny and cardboard and the planchette is heavy plastic.

You’re not sure if the spirits care about this though, you never thought you’d be in the position to wonder.

“You don’t have to go along with this,” Iwaizumi speaks up from beside you. You glance at him. He’s wearing a pair of cargos with a loosely-buttoned dress shirt and an unzipped vest. His sleeves are pushed up to his elbows and from the way he’s leaning over, you can see the broad expanse of his chest from beneath his collar. Oh god. You look away.

“Aren’t you wondering what he is?” Hanamaki pipes up, cognizant of your not-so subtle once-over of his best friend. He opens his mouth to speak again but Iwaizumi interrupts.

“I’m an archaeologist,” he says quickly.

“A slutty archaeologist,” Matsukawa amends and you almost choke on your own spit.

“How am I a slutty—?”

“Your clothes are half off,” Hanamaki argues, cutting him off as Oikawa continues on with something about saying goodbye to the spirits.

“It’s hot in here! The place is packed,” he reasons but you can see the growing flush in his face. Knowing them, it’s certainly not the first time they’ve had this discussion tonight but you can’t help but feel a little flustered as well.

“Okay!” Oikawa claps his hands together. “Everyone in?”

You watch as Hanamaki and Matsukawa place two fingers on the planchette with Oikawa following suit. You hesitate and Iwaizumi does as well.

“Does this even work with all this noise?” you wonder uneasily. In every shitty horror movie you’d seen with an ouija board, the rooms had been candlelit and silent, with the board being the centre of attention. Your situation couldn’t have been more of the opposite.

“Dunno,” Matsukawa admits.

“Figured we’d try for the shits anyway,” Hanamaki adds.

“I’ll just watch,” you say, placing your hands in your lap as you watch them circle around the board.

“Me too,” Iwaizumi nods and you turn to give him a small smile.

Oikawa sticks out his bottom lip for a second before shrugging. “Fine by me.”

Despite the bustle around you, you watch with rapt interest as they take turns asking innocuous questions. It begins with simple yes or no inquiries; whether or not Hanamaki would fail economics this semester (yes) or whether Oikawa would get a girlfriend by Valentine’s Day (no).

“Hmm,” he pouts, clearly disappointed with the answer. “Will Iwa-chan get a girlfriend by Valentine’s Day?” he asks the board in a saccharine tone.

You watch as the planchette migrates across the board to land on the ‘yes’.

“Oh?” Matsukawa smirks.

“Oho,” Hanamaki muses.

“What?” Iwaizumi frowns. “Leave me out of this, Shittykawa.”

Ignoring him, Oikawa continues on. “Is the lucky girl someone we all know?”

The planchette doesn’t move off of the ‘yes’.

“Is she here? At this party right now?”

A second passes and you hold your breath. It still doesn’t move.

You glance at Iwaizumi but he’s glaring at Oikawa with murderous intent. The brunet conveniently looks away.

“Can you spell out the name of his dear future girlfriend?” he asks the board in a faux-hushed tone. Your eyes shift from the planchette to Iwaizumi’s hands, his knuckles white as he curls them into fists.

The triangle moves down the board to land on a letter.

And then another.

It takes you all of five seconds to realize what’s happening now; it’s spelling out your name.

Heat rises up your neck and you train your eyes on the wooden flooring in front of you, unable to look at the board anymore.

Supernatural or not, you can’t help but feel the warm bloom of embarrassment in your cheeks. Sure, Iwaizumi is attractive, and maybe it was incredibly difficult to work with him as your lab partner last term because you’d get caught up with appreciating the view, but you’d forced yourself to not think too deeply about it. Especially after you’d awkwardly parted ways at the end of the semester.

Sure, you see him around campus frequently, but it just isn’t the same as when you’d stay up together, slaving over ten page lab reports and commiserating over lost marks.

“This is stupid,” he mumbles before pushing himself off the floor. You watch as he heads towards the entrance of the apartment without even looking back. Oddly, you feel the urge to follow him out.

“We’ll say goodbye to the spirits for you!” Oikawa calls out cheerfully before turning to you.

“Could you do me a favour?” he asks, tilting his head. “Could you just make sure he doesn’t get lost?”

You could argue that this apartment was right next to campus and that the likelihood of Iwaizumi getting lost on the grounds of a place he frequented everyday was close to nil. But you already have half a mind to go, so you nod and stand up to follow him, brushing off your skirt as you approach the door.

The crowds of people grow thinner and thinner as you make your way back down the hallway and down the stairs, leaving the pounding bass of the music behind as you step into the chill of the night.

You shiver as you glance around the building’s exterior, looking for any sign of your former lab partner. The wind nips at your bare skin and you think you see a retreating figure on your right but before you can chase after it, you hear a familiar voice at your back.

“What are you doing here?” Iwaizumi questions and you turn to face him. The streetlamp casts harsh shadows across as his face as he looks down at you apprehensively.

“I was looking for you,” you reply simply. “Oikawa, he—”

“Man,” he groans, squeezing his eyes shut. “I can’t believe he fucking told you to—”

“I was also worried,” you interject, biting the inside of your cheek. “I, uh. I don’t know if the board works like that but it didn’t really seem like— it didn’t really seem like it was anything supernatural that was— y’know.” You gesture noncommittally with your hands.

“Yeah,” he says in agreement. “Yeah, I think they were just fucking with me. Sorry you got caught up in that. They can get out of line sometimes.”

You shake your head. “It’s fine,” you insist, eyes flashing to his. “I just don’t know why they’d use my name,” you laugh, cringing when it sounds a bit hollow.

Iwaizumi sighs.

“To be honest,” he begins. “Last semester, I…I kind of had a thing for you. Y’know, probably because we went on all those study dates and spent all those nights staying up together.”

You blink.

“Oh?”

Was he really…? Did he really…?

He runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I… I don’t know. It’s stupid. You probably don’t want to hear about this, anyway.”

“No,” you shake your head, a sort of giddiness settling in your chest. The wind bites at your cheeks but you can barely feel its chill anymore.

“I—I was so nervous I couldn’t even look at you sometimes!” you blurt out with a giggle as you come to terms with the absurdity of the situation. “You were just so…”

““So…”?“ he questions.

“So…attractive,” you admit abashedly. “It was so ridiculous, I couldn’t even make eye contact with you,” you gripe, recalling the dozens of awkward moments in which you felt like you were just going to keel over from being in his presence.

“You think I’m attractive?” he asks, dumbfounded, and you nod while staring at the space three inches above his shoulder.

“Why didn’t you—? Why didn’t we—?”

“I didn’t know,” you exclaim.

“I didn’t know, either,” he breathes, a small laugh bubbling from his throat.

“But now we do,” you offer, daring to meet his eye. The cold of the night does nothing to quell the spark you feel when his gaze lands on yours.

“Yeah,” he says softly. “Now we do.”

The flame inside you burns even brighter.

“Let’s go back inside,” he suggests, beckoning towards the entrance of the building.

“I think we have a lot to talk about.”

Pick a different room: > Go to the closed bedroom. > Go to the open bedroom. > Go to the balcony. > Go to the kitchen. > Go to the hallway. > Go to the bathroom.

[arcticdementor]

Other possible Holocausts: why pro-lifers are lying to us, and why thats a good thing

…

Ive had a running argument over the past few years that the raw lack of anti-abortion terrorist action proves no one really thinks abortion is murder, ie. intentional 1st degree murder of a life equal to yours or mine.

Ive always gotten pushback to quote WillyWang:

The "revealed preference" of those that oppose abortion but don't firebomb clinics and kill doctors? It won't help, you'll be made an example of in the negative sense, and civilized norms are more important than a useless symbolic point. One clinic destroyed won't end abortion, after all.

From which this Effort-post got its Genesis:

Would you say the same about those who participated in the french resistance or Warsaw Ghetto rising to Nazi Germany?

Everyone of those claims applies there: they were likely to be made examples of, they were damaging civilized norms, and any given action had relatively little to no impact.

Yet the same people who insist abortion is murder, and thus that America is committing a holocaust, yet denounce any of the people who employed violence against abortion doctors or clinics, and can’t distance themselves fast enough from any call for violence... none of those people apply the same logic to the first holocaust. None of them say the frenchmen who bombed german police stations where dangerous terrorists who deserved their executions, none of them denounce the Warsaw ghetto rising as an attack on civilization.

…

If anti-abortion advocated genuinely believed a fetus was a equivalent human life to yours or mine or the little kids they see walk to school, and that this was an ongoing holocaust of American Children at a scale possibly 10x or more what was done to the jews... they wouldn’t need to come up with ad hoc reasons why they don’t resort to violence, their mind would be screaming at them to take bloody vengeance 24/7 in righteous outrage, demanding that oceans of blood and fire be unleashed that it might wash clean the horror, that nuclear fire would be be an acceptable emergency shut off to end such wanton and cruel slaughter... and if thinking through all the logic they concluded that no violence wouldn’t help and they must pursue some peaceful negotiation to stop the slaughter, then their minds recoil and call themselves cowards and the moment of coming to that conclusion would be an ongoing trauma they’d carry with them for the rest of their life, even if they knew they were 100% right. They would meet the “pro-choice” and barely be able to conceal their desire to see them dead or imprisoned... they would meet women who had had abortions and scream bloody murder at them and tell them they deserve the death penalty, the way many of the same people react when presented with women who’d murdered their children, but after their children had left the womb.

The people who were jailed for assassinating abortionists, or fire-bombing clinics would be folk heroes lionized in songs and crowd funded hagiographic documentaries and folk traditions, like John Brown, or John Wilkes Booth, or Louis Reil, or Saco and Vancety, or Huey Newton, or Malcolm X, or David Koresh, or Levoy Finecolm... or hell even just Jesse James, or Killdozer.

Americans abort on average 1 million plus babies a year... that means if abortion is murder and those are human lives, then the 50 years since Roe vs.Wade has been a worse crime than the holocaust, slavery, or the crimes of Stalin, and we’d have to consult a historian to see if they were worse than Mao (on a per capita basis, certainly)...

This would be the worse crime ever commited, the greatest mass slaughter ever perpetrated in human history, and 50 years later our society would remain committed to repeating it in the next 50 years.

If that does not demand violence, then nothing in human history ever has, no even defensive war has ever been justified, and only Jainists and Jehovah’s witnesses are morally acceptable actors. An extreme unexceedable pascifism we know the vast majority of anti-abortion advocates do not endorse, since they overwhelming supported or at-least did not conspicuously oppose the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (over a mere 3000 Americans dead, and a less than a years abortions worth of Iraqis killed by Saddam) and continue to conspicuously “Support our troops” troops that exist to carry out violence, despite their moral commitments saying they can apparently never in human history be justified.

.

When i say this proves “Pro-lifers” clearly do not believe a fetus is an equal human life, thats me being incredibly charitable. That is me extending a overwhelming large olive branch, that is me expressing a stupendous care and concern and sympathy and brotherly love to rival the best 19th century dinner host, the dearest of friends, a benevolent older sibling, a lover, a parent, a mother who on hearing the taped confession of her son to serial murder, doesn’t hesitate once before screaming “you monsters you’ve drugged and tortured him! What threats have you made to my grandchild! He would only say such things to save his daughter’s life!”

My claiming they are full of shit and lying to themselves, to you, and to me, is an expression of love and faith in my fellow man which until now I did not realized I possessed nor was capable of...

Because if I merely took them at their word? If I believed that they believed what they say they believe? They would be monsters.

.

Lets play a game called “Other Possible Holocausts”. Approximately 800,000 babies where aborted this year.

Lets imagine the US government has just announced that crime has gotten to cumbersome and that over the next 3 years it plans to execute every single one of the 2.4 million people in US prisons jails and Jeuvenile detention centres.

Lets imagine that to reform education, the US resolves to kill the bottom 1% of all 80 million students in the country based on an age adjusted standardized test every year.

Lets imagine hatred of the obese takes off, and a policy is passed to resolve America’s 30% obesity rate by the mass instituting of bounties on hunting and killing the obese... that every year 800,000 to 1.5 million tags will be issued for a fee to allow the hunting of the obese in return for monetary rewards on successful hunts and getting to keep the carcasses for meat base animal foods and the manufacture of fuel, or fat based household products. These bounty hunters become known a “whalers”.

Lets imagine the US announces its done with African Americans... if the problem hasn’t been solved since 1619, its not going to be... and so they’re going to genocide all 40 million African Americans at a rate of 2% a year, for the next 50 years.

Lets imagine opposing extremists get in charge and decide the racists rednecks have to go, and so they’ll be forming death squads to roam the South, Appalachia, and the rust belt, with the objective of killing 800,000 poor whites a year, “until the problem is solved”... with many happily stating 50 years of this would be acceptable, while others state it’d be perfectly fine to renew it another 50 years after that.

…

These are all American lives, and according to pro-lifers of equal moral value to the babies aborted every day, no better, no worse.

By saying this and by saying violence is not and cannot be justified to resist it, they are saying that their reactions to any one of the above eventualities would be to continue to live their lives as they have lived the past 50 years.

I do not know how to respond to that. Even if Abortion is truly murder of an ensouled equal human life... The Pro-choicers committing the murders don’t think it is... hell the Nazis murdered 6 million jews and a further 5 million undesirables, but they didn’t think of them as human, they thought they were monstrous and “life unworthy of life”, like a burning man begging you to shoot him so he doesn’t suffer or hurt his fellows... a mercy in a way.

Pro-lifers on the other hand claim these are equal viable human lives of equal status to yours or mine or perhaps even greater.... They’re Children.

And their reaction to the greatest mass slaughter in human history, the reaction of almost half the electorate, who regularly talk about the need to resist tyrrany and defend the weak (as both left and right in the US do, in their way), their reaction is to vote every 4 years, and have it perhaps not even be the #1 issue if the economy seems bad, they have the opportunity to vote for the first black president, or the Orangeman says something crude about Mexicans... they won’t be single issue voters even when it comes to the greatest crime ever committed in human history?

.

I refuse to believe it. Even I, cynical as I am, have to believe we are not that far gone, and the age of men has not come crashing down... i would believe the US capable of such a crime, but to believe that a double digit percentage of Americans could look at that, recognize the victims as their fellow humans,recognize their state and society as committing mass murder of their neighbours, future friends, and relatives...to recognize that they have a moral imperative to act on this... and then just go “welp them’s the breaks, gotta be civilized” because 9 people in black robes said it wasn’t murder?

Holy fuck. No that is not how people work, that is not how humans behave, I cannot accept that, and leftists who spent the summer rioting in response to fewer than a thousand police killings of black men a year, who remember the civil rights and anti-war movements, who kinda vaguely recall that they’re supposed to remember Huey Newton, or Saco and Vanseti, or those Rossen...something people... who like to imagine they’d have been abolitionists in the 19th century. They’re right to call bullshit.

They’re right to call the pro-lifers liars who don’t believe their own messaging, and instead just want to control women’s bodies, after a lie like that to their face, they’re right to treat them with scorn.

…

Pro-life is rescuable as a sentiment and an activist movement...

But not while it claims a Holocaust is going on and somehow magically no violence could ever be justified to resist it, thus lining up all the arguments that will allow the next holocaust to be committed without resistance.

There have been a double digit, perhaps even a triple digit number of mass murders and genocides in the hundreds of thousands or millions of people, since the 20th century. America is enabling its ally Saudi Arabia to commit one against the Yemenis right fucking now.

We need to be very fucking clear about what it is justified to do to members of a regime that commits such a crime, and what it is definitely justified to do to the immediate perpetrators of the murder. And That we will back violent resistance to such a horrible crime by the state even if it serves only to make the resister a martyr we’ll praise, or it degrades “civilization” (what civilization could remain in such a regime?), or it ultimately has no effect (it is on the survivor to try harder)... The major members of the House of Saud deserve the Gallows under international law for what they’re doing in Yemen , as do their American attaches and core enablers... and if that comes from a Judge in the Hauge or from a convoy of irregulars in pickup trucks, or from lone assassins who manage to get through to them, It is justice, and i will praise it.

What we cannot do is pretend that genocides and mass slaughter on unconscionable scales are occurring and then come up with excuses for why we should do nothing and anyone who does resist is a criminal. Or else those excuses will be the ones that allow the next real genocide in the west or on US soil to actually happen.

If there is a genocide or democide or whatever you want to call mass slaughter. You must recognize the justice the violent resistance to it, even if you personally do not participate, or you must admit you were lying about there being such a crime... to say otherwise, to say a state can commit such a crime and still retain its right to your loyalty, to say a people up to and including its victims must obey such a thing, a creature made of bureaucracy that has set its sights on massacring humans by the thousands if not millions... it is to side against the human race in a war of extermination.

And as someone whose pro-choice as they come, I’d much rather, if the pro-lifers really believe its murder, I’d much rather they start a bloody civil war, than for it to become the norm that that is ethically acceptable.

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 08

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, slight angst

; Word Count: 3.9k

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: Yet another chapter for us all! :D I hope you’re still enjoying it and you like the new banner! This is what he looks like in this fic obviously, just with tattoos and a lip ring. Please reblog if you enjoyed and leave me comments, feedback and asks! It helps to fuel my inspiration for this to know you all love it too!

; Flower Masterpost

-

The bar in front of you looks ever so slightly dinghy, but you can’t tell if that’s an actual thing or if you’re just stereotyping it. This was the bar that Hoseok and his friends frequented often, a rock bar apparently.

It sounded like everything you hated but you knew he loved it given all the stories he’d told you over the last month of the mischief they all got up to. Apparently when you added alcohol into their strange friendship, it resulted in pure chaos. Part of you wanted to see it, but the overwhelming part of you was terrified.

You’d never been in a situation like this before. Previous partners had been in college, where you already knew their friends. This was new territory, terrifying territory. When you walked through that door, you were going to be meeting Hoseok and his closest friends for the first time.

It made you want to be sick. They probably had expectations on you. There was no way he hadn’t talked about you to them...or what if hadn’t? What if you were a complete surprise to them? What if he’d spouted so much crap and they were disappointed when they meet you? Thought he could do better? What if they hated you? Publicly ignored you or insulted you.

Not that you think Hoseok would let them.

You’d both been dating now just over a month and you were pretty sure that he was the kind of person who wouldn’t accept someone being mean to you. But friends were important, right? If Chungha and Soyeon both expressly disapproved of Hoseok then you doubted that you’d have stayed with him.

What if they told him that they didn’t like you? Would he leave you?

You’re so busy catastrophizing just outside of the door that you don’t notice when someone comes out of it, the music from inside loud enough to be heard when the door is open but not deafening. A hand pressing on your arm gently makes you jump, eyes widening as you look up into the face of Hoseok.

“You’ve gotta stop jumping like this. I’m worried you’ll give yourself a heart attack. Anyway, any reason you’re out here instead of coming inside? Like the smell of piss and weed or something?” Your nose wrinkles at that, acknowledging the disgusting smell that you’d been trying not to think about and he laughs.

“I was...coming. I just…” You struggle to get the words out, shrugging rather limply and he sighs softly. Hoseok had been trying to encourage to meet his friends now for a week, his texts saying that tonight was happening and he’d really, really love it if you came. It was a good sign that he wanted you to meet them, you knew that, but your very nature recoiled away from socialising with large amounts of people.

And that was to say nothing about being out on a weeknight, your body screaming to just go home and relax on the couch with Netflix. Or the fact that you were going to be the centre of attention.

Just the thought made you seize up in anxiety, body going cold while your breath came a little faster. Hoseok seems to tell that your mood has changed and he shifts around in front of you, cupping your face in his hands while his thumbs gently stroke at your cheeks.

“Hey...hey. What’s wrong? Tell me. Is it this? You don’t have to, I won’t be mad. Swear. I’ll call a taxi for you and you can go home if you want.” He’s looking at you earnestly, his eyes scanning over your face to track every micro expression and you feel his genuine care. The girls were right in that you’d found a good one here.

“No, no. I don’t...I just...it’s a lot. I don’t...I,” Wiping at your mouth, you look up at the sky and try hard not to start hyperventilating or something. “What if they don’t like me? And everyone’s going to be staring at me and judging me and I hate when I’m the centre of-”

“Hey...it’s okay. We’ll...I’ll make sure that they don’t make you feel uncomfortable okay? They’re good people. And they’ll like you. You’re hard not to like. Just...be yourself.” The smile on his face is reassuring but you can still feel the anxiety bubbling deeply within.

“Myself is someone with social anxiety who talks about useless crap and blurts out overly sarcastic comments. I’d rather be someone else.” You look away at that, brows rising for a moment while your lips turn down. The sound of Hoseok sighing fills your eyes and you feel bad for whining at him, knowing that he’d only know you a month and he was already having to put up your stream of negativity.

“I don’t. I like you. The useless crap is interesting and the sarcastic comments are hilarious. I want to introduce my friends to you...my girlfriend. Not some other girl, okay? Do you want to go in or…?” He points at the door, smiling at you and you just nod, eyes wide as a warmth blossoms from deep within.

He called you his girlfriend.

-

The pleased shock of what he’d called you wears off quickly as he moves along the sticky floor to the booth where his friends are all sat. It’s dim inside, the overhanging lights dull while the neon green and pink of the beer logos behind the bar contrast vibrantly. A whole multitude of spirits and other forms of alcohol sit on the space below them along with various whiskeys on the optics, just waiting for someone to order them.

Hoseok glances over at a platinum blonde haired girl behind the bar, her arms and neck covered with even more tattoos than Hoseok, before he raised a hand and pointed to you. “Can you bring a Coke please?” The girl nods and reaches for a fresh glass from above but you don’t get to pay anymore attention as Hoseok’s hand presses against your lower back once more.

It’s easy to tell where his friends are. The place isn’t too big and there isn't a huge amount of people here, only a few booths filled up. But his friends are loud, talking at incredible volumes and laughing even louder than that. You know it’s them because he’s leading you directly to them, the pressure from his hand a little stronger as you hesitate.

“It’s okay.” He whispers, quickly pressing a kiss to your temple and you heat up at the public display of affection. Yet despite the embarrassment that rolls through you, there’s an equal amount of reassurance that you feel at his presence.

The noise quietens down when you both walk up, seven interested faces glancing you up and down before looking over at Hoseok. They all look a bit squashed into the booth and Hoseok grabs two chairs from a nearby empty table, quickly ushering you into one.

“Okay so, well...errr…” He sounds a little nervous and you realise with a start that he probably is as nervous as you are. These are his friends after all, you have no doubt that he wants them to like you while also hoping that you’ll like them. He quickly introduces each person, pointing to each one and you follow along, giving shy smiles to each one as they smile in return or wave.

“And...well...this is Y/N. If anyone says anything mean then I will feed you a rotten egg. I have one in my fridge that I need to throw out, so it can happen.” Hoseok threatens lightly, his smile light but you can sense an edge behind it too. No one says anything in response to that and he shuffles a tiny bit closer, his arm moving to rest on the back of your chair.

“Err...hi.” It’s all you can get out, your body tensing from their attention. You think frantically for something else to say, desperately hoping that someone else will take up the mantle for you and thankfully, Jimin’s fiancée Eden does.

“What do you do then? Anything interesting?” The question makes you glance down at your hands, their carefully painted nails playing with the zip on your bag as you swallow.

“I’m just an admin assistant for a wholesaler. Nothing interesting.” She nods at that with a laugh, rolling her eyes and leaning back into her partner. His hair isn’t pink anymore, but instead a deep black that makes him look appallingly attractive.

Actually they all look attractive and you want to point an accusatory finger at Hoseok, wondering how on earth he managed to find six other men who looked like they modelled for high fashion brands at the weekend. Nothing to boost your self confidence than having seven guys prettier than you around you.

“God, I feel you. I’m convinced there’s no such thing as hell otherwise my life would not be as shit as it is. I’m a receptionist at a doctor’s clinic, which would be fine if it wasn’t for the fact that patients are not only dumb as fuck but also some of the rudest people out there. Like...I get you’re in pain and hurting but there’s no need to be an ass, you know?” You find yourself smiling with a nod, her open nature and friendliness calling out to you.

“You think that’s bad? Try having to deal with people who need legal representation when you know they’re the scum of the earth. God, I wish I’d chosen something boring to specialise in, like property law. Law and Order makes it look really interesting but it’s really not, it’s just stress and boring research.” Namjoon’s the one who says that, his hair blonde and shaved pretty short on the sides.

He has a kind face, you decide, as you watch him laugh over something Jungkook says, the man next to him. Deep dimples spot his cheeks when he smiles and you can easily see why he ended up being the first to not only marry but also have a child.

His wife is apparently still in the end stages of pregnancy, hence why she’s not here tonight. As nice as the extra female company would have been, you’re sure she’s probably curled up at home. Part of you wishes you were curled up at home too.

“Friends, friends...I have two words for you all...customer...service.” Taehyung, a ridiculously attractive man who you think actually should have a career as a model instead of a customer service representative, says with raised brows, hands lifting into the air as he shrugs. His eyes are barely visible beneath the tousled, curled black hair he’s sporting.

Hisses and winces of sympathy erupt from everyone, including you, before the conversation carries on further. Nothing else leaves you because you can’t think of anything to talk about so you simply listen. No one notices the quietness that you fall into as they continue to talk, their friendships allowing them to chat easily and quickly through numerous topics that you don’t particularly understand.

You’re good at disappearing into the background of people, vanishing from conversations and simply watching them happen around you. It was a lot easier than trying to figure out how to talk without sounding like an idiot, which was a regular occurrence for you.

But after ten minutes of it, apart from a thank you to the bartender who brings you your drink, Hoseok evidently takes notice. He leans close to you, lips brushing against your ear and you shiver ever so slightly as his warm breath tickles the fine hairs as he speaks in a low voice to you.

“Is everything okay? You’ve gone quiet.” You look at him with wide eyes, shrugging slightly as you curl into yourself a little more. He frowns in response, lips pursing slightly and causing his lip ring to jut out funnily as he contemplates your response.

But he doesn’t say anything vocally, instead just moves his arm to wrap around your shoulders and tug you a little closer. He’s delightfully warm against you and the now familiar smell of peppermint and sandalwood envelops you as he does so. You have no idea what cologne he uses but it smells amazing, and there’s nothing better than a nice smelling guy sometimes.

“Hoseok told us about your first date by the way, I’m not surprised he couldn’t get out of an escape room.” Jimin pipes up suddenly, a mischievous look on his face as Hoseok stiffens next to you in outrage. He’s sputtering for a reply and you can’t help but smile, ducking your head down and shrugging.

“Don’t be too mean, I also couldn’t get us out.” You admit quietly, a meek look on your face as they all laugh. Taehyung pointed at Jungkook with an incredulous look, eyes widening as he accuses the post-grad student.

“I don’t know why you’re laughing, the last time we did one of those you broke the fucking door. Got banned from the damn place after having to pay to have it fixed.” Everyone looks at Jungkook in amusement at that, an oddly fond expression woven into them as he begins to protest his innocence immediately.

“I didn’t break it! I just...tried opening it. And it did.” He gestures, shoulders slumping as he slides down the seat ever so slightly, his bottom lip sticking out in an adorable pout. From what you’ve learnt from Hoseok, Jungkook is most definitely the baby of the group. Not because he acts like a child, but because he’s the youngest and the others all treat him like a little brother.

“You. Kicked. The. Door. The fuck did you think was gonna happen?”

“Everyone said that doesn’t work in real life! I thought I’d just kick it and nothing would happen, maybe make my foot hurt or something. Felt cool though, like I was in a crime show.” Namjoon sighs deeply at that, rubbing his hand over his eyes with a weariness you get the feeling he experiences more often than not with these guys.

“Yeah, if you wanted to be in Brooklyn 99 and not Criminal Minds.” The words are filled with more than a little sarcasm from Taehyung who crosses his arms over his chest, suddenly making you realise how broad he is. It’s not helped when you find yourself assessing them all and realising that while Taehyung and Seokjin are both incredibly wide, Yoongi and Jimin appear to be almost petite with how slender they are.

“Well I may have sucked ass, and perhaps we would die if we ended up in a horror situation which required us to solve our way out of a room, but I didn’t break anything. And the rest of the date went fine, thank you very much.” Hoseok leans back in his chair, a smirk on his face as he looks smugly at them all.

And you can’t help it, you just cannot help yourself.

“Except for when you told me about that girl throwing up on your dick.” 

Immediately he looks at you in betrayal, jaw dropping open and letting you see that he’s changed his tongue piercing for a black ball instead of silver. But you can’t help but smile and giggle his brows furrowed in disbelief, the noise increased in volume when he starts to tickle you playfully.

“I told you that in confidence!”

“No you didn’t, you said it in the middle of a restaurant on a first date! That’s like...the least confidential thing ever. You may as well have hired a skywriter to write it out or something.” You wriggle away from his fingers, pushing at his hands to try and avoid them.

Hoseok pauses, lips pursing together as he looks you over before he sneers. It’s not a mean face, you can see the joy in his eyes and part of you feels relief rush through you that you haven't offended him. “Maybe so.”

“A girl threw up on your dick?” Jungkook asks, his face a complete picture of disgust. On the contrary, Jimin just shrugs before waving a hand airily.

“Hey man, you do you. If that’s what gets you off then that’s what gets you off. This is a non-judgemental place.” He said serenely, causing Eden to turn and look at him with a raised brow.

“You get turned on at egg-laying dildos. In fact...you told me that you wanted to try role playing as Thanos the other night.” That stuns everyone into silence, a slight look of judgement on everyone’s face as they look at the smaller man. He maintains a perfectly blank face before shrugging.

“I will admit that maybe my sexual practices aren’t your normal ones…”

The conversation spirals after that, becoming one of intense discussions about sexual preferences, kinks and even fetishes. Some of the things said make you heat up from curiosity but most of them are because of pure embarrassment. They laugh and joke about things that you’ve never heard anyone joking about before and you find that you don’t have anything to add.

Not that you’re sure you want to have anything to add. You do find out though that Hoseok has been much more adventurous in bed than you given some of the stories both he and the others tell. Apparently a few of them had lived together in college and they’d had a truly wild time during those years.

It was certainly amusing though and you found that you quite liked just listening to them talk, absorbing their stories and disseminating the intense history between them all. The easy way they slipped into each others conversations made their long friendships obvious and you felt a pang of longing for something like this.

There was no doubt that Chungha and Soyeon were the same with you, but you’d never seen it like this on such a large scale with this many friends. 

After a while though, you feel your inner tolerance for social situations rapidly depleting and a swirl of anxiety runs through you as you realise that it’s already nearing 9pm. You still have to get home, a thirty minute taxi ride away, and then shower for the next day. Your bed is calling you more than ever and you fidget for a few minutes, wondering how to politely tell Hoseok that you wanted to leave.

Leaving social events was never easy for you because you always felt like you were going to let people down or have them judge you. But you were tired, your eyes beginning to droop as your energy levels fell and the makeup on them pulled them down. The warmth of Hoseok against you wasn’t helping either, the desire to curl up into him and sleep so strong.

You don’t realise that you’ve drifted off for a few minutes, head resting against Hoseok’s shoulder as one hand lays on his thigh. Not until he gently jerks you awake, your eyes widening as you blink rapidly to try and move through the fog of sleep.

“Hey...you wanna go home? I’ll call a taxi for you.” A murmur of protest leaves you, a new anxiety at letting him down burning at you but he shakes his head with a sweet smile. Pressing his lips to your forehead, he grabs his phone and opens the Uber app. “It’s okay, honestly. I know you’re tired by now and I’d rather you go now than stay out and be even more tired.”

You can’t find it in yourself to complain any further, just laying your head back down on his shoulder and trying your hardest to stay awake. It was hard though, and you wondered what his friends thought seeing you like this. A benefit to being so drained of energy though was that you didn’t particularly care what they thought of you right now. You just wanted to go home and go to bed.

“Come on, it’s here,” Hoseok whispered, shifting you until you got up out of the uncomfortable wooden seat, stretching out with a quiet groan. “I’m just gonna take her to the taxi.”

“Bye, it was nice meeting you.” You say, your voice incredibly soft but all of them give you a smile in response as they give their goodbyes as well. Hoseok takes your hand, entangling your fingers, before gently pulling you back through the bar to the door. The waiting Uber is parked at the side of the road, waiting for you to get in and Hoseok walks over, opening the door.

Before you get in though, you wrap your arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. “Do you think it went okay?” 

Your words are a little muffled but he hears them anyway, the street is pretty quiet except for the idling engine of the car. His hand rubs along your back slowly and you lean a tiny bit back, looking up at him in the crappy lighting.

“I think it went good. Don’t worry about it, honestly. Anyway...text me when you get home so I know you’re safe, okay?” You nod, feeling a little like you’re being instructed by a parent but it makes you feel warm and good at his concern. “Good. I’ll text you good night.”

With that, he gives you a sweet kiss goodnight, nothing intense or passionate. Just...nice, a goodbye kiss. And once he’s done, despite the flurry of butterflies you still feel when he kisses you, you get into the taxi and smile at him as he closes the door and watches as the car drives off.

-

Hoseok heads back into the bar once he can’t see the Uber anymore, excited happiness buzzing through him. He really did think it had gone well tonight; both on your side and his friends side. Even though he’d prewarned them that you were pretty shy and awkward, they’d been very respectful in a way that had surprised him.

Sitting back on his chair, he leans forward and grabs his beer, taking a deep swig before placing it back down. Everyone is sat staring at him, each with a differing expression on their face and he knows what they’re all waiting for.

Sighing deeply, he shrugs and lifts his hands up. “Well?”

“Where did you find that church mouse?” Jimin asks, his brows rising incredibly high. A few of the other chuckle, lips turning up as they nod and Hoseok feels defensiveness rising in him.

“She’s not that bad. Just...quiet. I told you she was.” He’s about to say more but Namjoon holds up a hand, calming down the atmosphere immediately.

“She was nice Hoseok. A little nicer than we’re used to with you I think. But that’s good, don’t get offended!” He says when Hoseok’s face turns outraged. “I think she’ll be good for you. You seem very relaxed with her.”

“I think you’re cute together,” Eden pipes up with a grin. “The shy girl and the loud, tattooed guy. Like one of those romance books or a fanfic.”

Hoseok frowns slightly, running his tongue over his lip ring. “Is that good?”

“Yes. She’s living the dream, that’s all I’ll say.”

[takerfoxx]

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Season 5, Episode 13, “The Heart, Part 2,” First Impressions!

I am going to miss this show, I really am.

Well. Here we are. The final episode of She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, an almost three decade later reboot of a show I’ve never seen, which in turn was a spin-off of a show I’ve never seen, and yet somehow became one of my favorite shows of all time.

Now, when this show was first announced, there was a lot of pushback. You had the usual murder’s row of so-called anti-SJW troglodytes who like to swoop in on anything that looks like it wasn’t designed with straight white guys in mind (and speaking as a straight white guy, these guys are just. So. Tiresome!), as well as fans of the original who didn’t care for the new character designs, direction, or lack of connection to Masters of the Universe. Which, okay, I get it, and to be honest the little to no He-Man business still strikes me as weird, but come on guys. It’s been almost thirty years! Times have changed, audiences have changed, and the targeted audience of kids’ shows today are very different from what they were in the eighties. 

But despite all that nontroversy, She-Ra rose above and established itself as a genuinely great show in it’s own right, becoming both a critical and commercial success. Like, okay, it wasn’t Avatar the Last Airbender or Steven Universe-level big, but it definitely established a real niche for itself and gathered a sizeable fanbase. The excellent writing, incredibly on-point comedic timing, superb voice acting, casual diversity, oodles of complex and likeable characters, tight-plotting, mature handling of difficult topics, and immaculate direction made it out to be an amazing children’s show from a decade that has had no shortage of amazing children’s shows, and expectations were insane for the final season, with the climatic final episode being under incredible scrutiny. 

I mean, it makes sense, right? For once, given the huge LGBTQ fanbase the show has, and given how many times the LGBTQ community have been burned at the last second, there is little wonder that they would be wary. And while some shows like the aforementioned Avatar the Last Airbender and Breaking Bad have remained of high quality throughout its run and delivered with an excellent finale (or so I’m told, still working my way through), others like Voltron Legendary Defender and Game of Thrones have become notorious for shitting the bed in their latter halves, and other shows like Steven Universe have had more mixed receptions. So how would She-Ra turn out? Would it end up flopping at the end, or would it stick the landing and enter the pantheon of shows that actually completed their entire story arcs and are fondly remembered?

Yes. Yes, it did. 

The final season was spectacular. It started off all right, but from the third episode on immediately turned into pure brilliance, one that seemed to constantly top itself with wonderful character development, emotional payoffs, scenes of gripping tension, ballsy writing, and fantastic action. And any finale that makes me cry gets a thumb’s up from me.

Now, obviously I have a lot of gushing to do, but before it do, I should point out that I don’t think the finale is 100% perfect. There are things that kind of bugged me, and a few others that I felt really could have done better. Of course none of them were deal breakers, only little flaws that I feel could have stood to either have had more focus or different execution. And I might as well get the negative things out of the way.

And for me, the biggest problem is Shadow Weaver’s exit. 

And to be clear, I don’t have a problem whatsoever with Shadow Weaver dying. I wanted her to die. I’m glad she died. Nor do I have a problem for her dying to save the two girls she’s spent two decades abusing. And nor do I have a problem with them mourning her death, given that they never actually forgave her, and it only made sense that they would have complicated feelings toward her. All of those are fine!

What I have a problem with is how that moment was framed and directed. It was framed like a heroic sacrifice, from the dramatic final stand moment to Shadow Weaver being suddenly acting selfless to her telling Catra how proud she was of her and finally showing her face. 

Everything about that moment was exceptionally well done, yes, but the problem I have is that it doesn’t feel earned. That’s the sort of end you give a morally complex character that has been struggling with their negative qualities throughout a long character arc. And I’m sorry, but while Shadow Weaver is a pretty great and complicated character in her own right, she as never even tried to redeem herself until that moment. With Catra, we still saw how much her actions haunted and tormented her, even when she was at her worst. We saw her wrestling with her ingrained toxic behaviors and her conscience, so that when she finally makes the decision to do something right and, as far as she knew, sacrificed her life to rescue Glimmer and save Adora, it felt all kinds of earned!

But even after defecting to the Princess Rebellion, Shadow Weaver showed no signs of wanting to change. She showed no signs of regretting her mistreatment of Adora and Catra, and still continued to demean, undercut, and gaslight them whenever she was with them, and whenever she was called out on it, she would just brush it off and/or roll her eyes. Even when she was “helping” and “praising” her golden child Adora, she still continued to try to twist her head and mold her into what she wanted Adora would be. And her treatment of Catra didn’t change at all.

So I’m sorry, but that moment just didn’t work for me. Yes, I know Noelle has said that her sacrifice was still selfishly motivated, and I believe it, but it still felt off, especially with her finally telling Catra that she was proud of her, when she was AGAIN demeaning her earlier in that same episode! It carries the unintentional implication that Catra needed Shadow Weaver’s validation in order to move on. I honestly would have preferred that she never got it but realized that she didn’t need it to begin with. And that “You’re welcome,” which is incredibly condescending, was framed as a badass final line. There’s a disconnect between her character arc and its payoff that feels off. I wish something had been handled differently. 

The second issue I had was just how rushed a lot of the character payoffs felt at the end. Yes, I know Noelle said that she doesn’t want to do an epilogue and would like us to decide for ourselves how things turned out, and that’s fine. But one day later wouldn’t hurt. Wrong Hordak was shown a couple times cowering next to Swift Wind in group shots and then straight up disappeared. And given their complicated history together, Scorpia and Catra deserved so much more than just a hi and a hug. Chipped Micah was given more time to harm and demean Glimmer than real Micah was given to love her. The Entrapdak thing got more focus and despite what I said about Hordak needing to either die or lose his memories, I’m not too upset that he didn’t do either, but instead simply broke free and got a happy ending, and Mermista’s line of, “So, are we like okay with this?” was great, but it feels like there should have been more. And I know they never had their own character arc and did all they needed to do last season, but if you’re going to bring Double Trouble back, then give us more than just one episode and a two-second cameo at the end. 

Like, just give us some kind of montage of the rebuilding stage. Show us Wrong Hordak leading his scared and confused brothers in becoming individuals. Have him meet the real Hordak and show us how they would respond to one another! Give us a proper Catra/Scorpia reconciliation! Do more with Double Trouble or don’t bring them back at all. Hell, pair them up with Wrong Hordak partway through the season so they could bounce off each other, because that would be comedy GOLD! And while I’m glad that we at least got to see Lonnie, Kyle, and Rogelio (and they adopted Imp!), it sucks that that was their only scene this season, and it didn’t even have any lines. I’m not so upset about Huntara, because I know her voice actress is hard to get ahold of, so I’m okay with her just getting a wordless scene, but the others kind of bug.

I understand that time was a factor, but surely something could have been done.

All right, now I got all those out my system, let the gushing BEGIN!

Catra and Adora. Oh man. Oh man oh man oh man oh man. Now, I know I said that Catra needs to leave in order for her redemption to work, but even though she didn’t and got pretty much forgiven and accepted by everyone she hurt, I’m still very happy with how her redemption arc went down. Because she made the switch early in the season, showed genuine regret for what she did, made real attempts to apologize to those she hurt without expecting forgiveness, was shown wrestling with her bad traits, sometimes falling back into them, sometimes almost succumbing to bad habits, but was also shown finally making the right decisions and rising above them. She was the best-written character in the show with the most complex character arc, and they fucking NAILED the landing. 

And that is because of her love of Adora. 

Catra and Adora, two white-hot messes of weirdly compatible issues. Catra is so afraid of abandonment that she instinctively pushes those she loves away or runs away herself rather than let them leave her, and Adora only knows how to place others before herself, to be selfless to a fault, take all the blame for everything, and not let herself be the one who’s loved and protected. The two needed each other in order to overcome their issues, to put aside the damage Shadow Weaver instilled in them.

And they finally did.

Catra came back for Adora. She stayed by her side, refused to leave, and refused to let Adora give up. And Adora rose above her feelings of failure, allowed herself to be loved by another, and became whole. 

And then we got it. We finally got the moment we’ve all been waiting for, all been praying for, all wanted so goddamned desperately. 

We got the Big Goddamn Kiss.

The love each other. They’re lovers. They’re soulmates. After everything, how could they be anything else? It’s pure, 100% romantic love, a full, no ambiguity friends-to-rivals-to-enemies-to-allies-to-lovers storyline. Not subtext, no reading between the lines. It’s real, it’s canon, it’s between the two main leaders, and it happened right on the screen and saved the goddamned world.

Catra finally reached out to someone and showed love, and Adora finally allowed herself to be brought up and loved. And it’s that love that overcame Horde Prime’s virus and destroyed the Heart of Etheria. It’s that love that freed the magic, released She-Ra, and allowed her to vanquish Horde Prime once and for all. 

And hey, two girls kissing, turning into a rainbow, and annihilating the influence of a controlling religious cult and the symbol of exploitative colonizers? Hmmm, subtle!

I love it. 

Look, after everyone talking about how much the finale made them cry, and after already sobbing my eyes out when Angella sacrificed herself in season 3, I was worried that I wouldn’t feel the same, that everything had already been spoiled for me so it wouldn’t have the same emotional impact. Hell, the kiss itself had been spoiled for me! So if I knew it was coming, how could it affect me like it did others.

I was wrong. I was so wrong. When Catra screamed at Adora that she loved her and always had, the tears came gushing out. And when they finally did kiss, it made me happier than I had been for a long time. It was such a beautiful moment, and it was so wonderful to see all the magic unleashed, turning Etheria back into the paradise it was meant to be, and the Spire into a giant floating sprig of broccoli!

The Horde was finally defeat, and Horde Prime ripped out of his Wi-Fi network and destroyed once and for all. He will not rise again. His corrupted vision of purity is finally eradicated once and for all, and the galaxy is free again.

It was wonderful.

Other moments I want to highlight! Beginning with Bow! 

Oh Bow. I haven’t talked as much about you as I did at the start of the show, but you really are wonderful. After similar unpowered male goofball sidekicks like Xander and Sokka being big balls of toxic masculinity and ingrained misogyny caused by insecurities that they had to overcome, we get an unpowered male goofball sidekick who is a shining example of positive masculinity, someone who knows who he is and is comfortable with it, someone who more than holds his own in battle, constantly makes himself useful, and stands proud with his superpowered friends. And even then, he still feels like real person, one that gets frustrated, feels down, and gets angry at both himself and his friends, but still continues on, because he’s a soldier and that’s what he does. 

So it was wonderful that he got the Rise Up and Fight speech, because he deserved it, and oh it felt so good, seeing all those instances of people throwing off Horde Prime’s control while his words were playing. Bow really is wonderful.

And Hordak! Look, I know what I said about wanting more from his ending, but my God, that moment when he threw off Horde Prime’s control and shot Horde Prime in the back to save Entrapta and reclaim his identity was so! Fucking! Cool! I was cheering in my car when that happened! So good! 

And hey, give it up for Glimmer for not listening to Chipped Micah and refusing to back down. She overcame a brilliant sorcerer wielding dark magic through the power of sheer stubbornness! Chef kiss, beautiful!

Though I really do think she got most of her stubbornness from her mom. Miss yah, Angie. 

And Scorpia and Perfuma? Why, I think I like that quite a lot! Why yes, give Perfuma a big, strong girlfriend with a huge heart! Give Scorpia tiny, cute hippie girlfriend who will take no shit from anyone. Yes, I like this very much.

So...yeah. This really was wonderful. The world is saved, the Best Friend Squad is about to go on a space romp, and it feels good. And from there? Well, Noelle told us to come with that ourselves, so yeah, I’m sure Etheria was able to fully rebuild following the Horde’s destruction. I’m sure that Wrong Hordak became some kind of benevolent leader to his lost brothers and helped them come to grips with their individuality. I’m sure that Scorpia rebuilt the Scorpion Kingdom from the Fright Zone’s ruins and made it a haven to the lost Horde soldiers. I’m sure that Sea Hawk and Mermista burned down a boat together. I’m sure that Glimmer and Bow were married and became king and queen of Brightmoon and had a long and loving reign with lots of babies. I’m sure that Entrapta was given all the discarded Horde and First Ones tech to crack and find good uses for and remained as happy as a clam, especially considering the Hordak harem she’s built. I’m sure that Adora and Catra continued to build each other up, helped and supported one another to keep themselves from falling into bad habits, and Melog was always there as a faithful therapy magi-cat. I’m sure that Perfuma helped Catra along with meditative exercises and Catra never had the heart to tell her that she was just napping. I’m sure that Frosta grew up to be a strong and powerful queen who also founded her own iceball league. I’m sure that everyone started going to Netossa and Spinnerella’s game nights and just decided to put up with Netossa when she got like...that, because at that point she deserved to. I’m sure that Swift Wind finally did emancipate the horses and taught them to form their own weird society, but still made time to visit Madam Razz. I’m sure that Kyle and Rogelio became proud adopted fathers of little Imp, and one day while chilling at the local pub, Lonnie caught the eye of a big, strong purple woman. 

I’m sure they were all very happy from there on.

I am going to miss this show. It was a wonderful experience, one that’s given me so much. It made me laugh,it made me cry, it made me cheer, it made me shiver, it made me bite my nails, but most of all, it made me happy. 

So thank you Noelle and Molly. Thank you Chuck and Mary Elizabeth. Thank you Sunna and Aaliyah. Thank you Aimee, AJ, Karen, Marcus, Keston, Reshma, Lorraine, Christine, Adam, Genesis, Vella, Merit, Gina, and Jordan. Thank you to all the writers, animators, and directors. Thank you to everyone who worked on this show. Thank you all.

And a very special thank you to @smxmuffinpeddling​ for filling my dash with She-Ra content, which convinced me to check this show out in the first place!

[snkpolls]

Snk Chapter 129 Poll Results

The chapter poll closed with 1387 responses. This month’s poll results were brought to you by /u/staraves, Crunchwrap, @momtaku, _Puppet_, @shifter-lines and Luna

Thank you to everyone for your support!

RATE THE CHAPTER

Satisfaction was up this month with 41% rating this chapter a 5. That’s a 10% increase over last month! Overall 84% rated chapter 129 as good (4) or great (5).

A really great chapter. The jeagerist are getting sliced because they are scared for their family while the alliance know that they need to prevent mass genocide. There are no villain in this (apart from Floch) just victims.

After the sluggish post-rumbling chapters, I'm glad we're picking up the pace and getting things done now!

Loved the character interactions, had good plot advancement and some beautiful panels! Best chapter this year 😁😁

So fucking good. Highlighted that violence isn’t unique to the warriors, and that the 104th squad have a capability for violence within them as well.

The chapter was definitely not worth the long ass wait

A really good action chapter! Lots of intense moments that were also complimented quite well with poetic moments that felt great payoffs for many of the characters

The chapters have been so forgettable lately and this was no different. I wanted better for Shadis and this suicide pact was not it.

So many critical character bonding moments! I love it!

The best chapter since 123, I expect something big will happen in Chapter 130 because it is the last of the volume.

  WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT?

It was no surprise to us that more than 40% of the fandom selected one of the Keith Shadis options as their favorite moment with “The Rise and Fall of the S.S Shadath” (22.6%) and “SHADIS THE CHADIS” (20.5%) nabbing the top two spots. The kiddos managed 3rd and 4th place with “Falco’s transformation” (12.2%) and “Gabi sniping Floch” (10.5%).

Seeing Shadis and Magath sacrificing for a greater good was the best part of this chapter.

Loved the floch speeches

It was nice to see the Yeagerists finally get decimated.

I always wanted to see interaction between Shadis and Magath. Late is better than never.

Action packed !

  WHO WAS THIS CHAPTER’S MVP?

Give it up for Shadis the Motherfucking Chadis! Keith Shadis was our overwhelming choice for chapter MVP with an even 50% the fandom selecting him. Magath (20.5%), Floch (7.2%) Falco (6.7%) and Gabi (6%) followed at a huge distance.

SHADIS THE MOTHERFUCKING CHADIS

MAGATH THE MOTHERFUCKING CHADATH

Why can't I vote for Magath *AND* Shadis for MPVs of the chapter??? It is cruel that you make me choose.

Shadis and Magath, the true MVPs of this chapter. (Gabi still sucks)

Gabi MVP for giving Flock another win to the prize: "Big Oof of the month"

Floch was the true MVP this chapter and I'm sure he's still alive.

Magath and Shadis MVP

  PRESS F FOR KEITH SHADIS. WHICH OF HIS FINAL MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE?

To the write-in below, I hear you. The pollsters  (*glares of staraves*)  were cruel this month in forcing this choice and deleting the “All of the Above” option. But when forced to choose, it was the mutual appreciation between the two men in their final moments that was our very favorite.

WHY THE FUCK CAN I ONLY PICK ONE ANSWER+???

holy shit what a chad

his suicide is overrated.

I was so touched that he watched his students and knew what he needed to do to help them.

A TRUE CHAD TO THE END, BUT WHY DID HE SACRIFICE HIMSELF?? WHY DID THEY HAVE BOMB THE SHIP W THEMSELVES IN IT???

  ANY ADDITIONAL COMMENTS ON SHADIS’ OVERALL LEGACY IN THE STORY? POSITIVE, NEGATIVE, ANYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF!

Shadis' end is amazing. He came from "i'm not special" to "one of the heroes who saved the world". It's great development, confirming the rhetoric "everyone is special".

CHADIS!!! RIP

Definitely one of the most underrated character, though I'm happy seeing him getting a lot recognition on the sub. His dialogue with Carla about Eren needing to be special or not has to be one of my favorite part of SNK.

Dislike him. He sees how his recruits were forced to become Jaegerists yet slices and blows them up as if it was nothing.

He always thought of himself as a bystander but in reality he shaped and trained all the 104th kids. If they manage to save the world, it will be hugely thanks to his training.

Keith Shadis is a prime example of Isayama's dedicated effort to give meaningful characterisation to every character and tie it into the story's core themes.

He was a bittersweet hero. Definitely not just a bystander.

He was a fucking legend

I loved it. Every part of it. The fact that he always considered himself to be a bystander only to die a hero in the end was such a good arc, and believable. I'm gonna miss the Chadis. F.

I relate (not to the heroic suicide part, just the bystander stuff)

I respect him

I still can't really get why he did this tbh

He was far from perfect, which made him one of the most relatable characters in the series - so sad to see him go 😓😓

He was my favorite minor character

He was truly worthy of being called a hero at the end along with Magath. They died so their kids could live and save the world!

Him wearing his scout uniform once more going on a death mission was a touching detail

his death was absolutely beautiful, he was sure enough of himself to not need "being a hero" as his motivation and his final act of sacrifice made such a difference after all. Beautiful character arc here, I wasn't very bummed out when I first read the chapter but the more I think about it the more I grieve for him.

Honestly the train thing felt like a bit of an ass pull. I know a lot of people like having old characters back but he mostly just felt like a plot device.

I didn't like his latest development.

A bystander who became a traitor

I just didn't like the fact that he was paralleled with Magath. The only thing those two have in common is the fact that they are instructors, and Isayama milked that. Sure Shadis wasn't an angel, but at the very least he wasn't a fascist that was responsible for the Genocide that kick started this story.

I feel bad to Hange and the others didn't know that he was the one who blowing up the train to help them and the fact that he was with Magath.

I grew to like and appreciate Shadis, so this weird train explosion story and immediate suicide pact with Magath felt incredibly underwhelming, to say the least. So, he lived as a bystander and died as one thanks to no one else besides Magath knowing he was there? Cool stuff.

i guess i didnt expect such a death after he let himself get beat up for the sake of others, gonna miss him and maggath, i guess this simbolizes that the warriors and "stop" eren group is officially in charge

I hate how Shadis told the kids to join the Jaegerists for their own sake but then he turns on them.

I was ready for a long time to lose him, but it hurts nonetheless. Keith has always been the one who had a clear mind about his dream, his cause... Much more than Grisha or Eren, even when thinking that he had lost. He was a great icon in the series and he deserved his students' appreciation.

I hate that Isayama is just killing off the old guard like this 😞. Shadis genuinely cared about his students and he will be missed.

I hope he and Sasha share a potato in Heaven.

  NOW IT’S THEO MAGATH’S TURN. WHICH MOMENT GAVE YOU THE MOST DOKIS?

Awwwww… Magath’s wish for the warrior kids to have a happy life was the moment that most touched our hearts with just over 50% of the fandom selecting it. His decision to stay behind (18.4%) and the mutual appreciation between him and Shadis (16.4%) round out the top three selections.

I didn’t think he was going to die... it made me sad.

I thought his character would have more to do given his role as the military commander and political "moderate". Also, should have got shot so Shadis had a pressing reason to stay back and defend him while Magath set off the explosion.

RIP Shadis. Magath, you deserved what you got, you nazi bastard

GOVE ,E MMILTIBLR OPYIONS!21!!!!!

ОТЕЦ РОДНОЙ, НА КОГО ТЫ НАС ОСТАВИЛ?!!

  ANY ADDITIONAL COMMENTS ON MAGATH’S OVERALL LEGACY IN THE STORY? POSITIVE, NEGATIVE, ANYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF!

I found his character to be very compelling. He has already shown many instances of caring for the Warriors and the cadets during the Liberio Attack, but to see him gradually becoming conscious of that and completely changing his mindset was incredibly satisfying. A character I greatly enjoyed to see overall!

First I didn't like him that much. But this chapter make me like him more and more and then, he died. Thanks for making me suffer isym.

Followed the orders of his country, but couldn't bear the shame of his actions. Committed sudoku as a result. Deserves some respect as a true warrior and a patriot.

He really grew on me despite being such an unlikable character not too long ago, and it's sad to see him go. I'm glad to see the development he got recently.

He really grew on me without ever noticing it. I was actually sad about his death, and left with many questions.

He says he never wanted to do what he did but he had to follow the orders. This doesn't take away his responsibility at all, and it's not even completely true: he actively planned with Willy the latest invasion of Paradis.

He was a good man glad he went out with the Chad

He was a good man in the end: he realised he was in the wrong, swallowed his Marleyan pride and showed a sincere and humble side of him to the alliance. Then he tried to compensate for his previous wrong deeds by sacrificing his life and making himself useful to his allies one last time. I can really appreciate and respect that. And if you look at that panel of Gabi and Pieck looking like the most hurt at that exploded ship, then I think that means they too must've known that he was one of the better Marleyans.

He was a good man placed in a pretty awful situation. He and the kids would have been very happy in another world.

Him and hange are a great ship

He was alright

Dood's journey from literal Nazi racist to self-sacrifcing father of two was actually pretty heartwarming?

He was an imperfect commander in an imperfect world, but he still showed that he was just as human as his warriors.

he was annoying and cool.

I didn't care for him initially, and in ONE FUCKING CHAPTER, becomes a hero. Goddamn, fam.

It was awesome to see how far he came in such a short time and made it, at least for me, from a despicable character to a decent one with a human heart. Loved it how he protected his Warrior kids, how he went and helped Falco and his final wish kind of felt for me as if he was finally, in the last moments of his life, honest with himself and what he actually wanted and wishes for.

I  just really wish he had the time to say something of his wishes to the warriors.

I agree with the point that his mutual appreciation with Shadis is very important and beautiful sign of new era in eldian and marlian common history

I always wanted to see interaction between Shadis and Magath. Late is better than never.

I came to love and appreciate his character more than I ever thought.

I can't bring myself to hate him anymore. F for our MAGOAT

I did not like Magath and now I feel guilty about it because of the immediate rapport he had with Shadis.

Imagine thinking Magath is suddenly a good person because he sacrificed himself.

Isayama always tries to humanize his characters. I don't like Magath. He's a guy who stayed in the same path of sacrificing children while insulting them for their filthy blood for years despite questioning it (also the path of genocide). That's his legacy. It took him the apocalypse to actually reconsider. But I like how he died for the kids he cared for, I was hoping for exactly that. It makes "caring" substantial, at least/last.

killed hundreds of thousands of people

Looks like my old step-father, so I wasn't sad to see him go boom boom. lol

Madlad Magath

Magath has been an underrated character and gets too much hate

Magath hugging Gabi is peak Magath.

Great to see how the one person arguably most responsible for early problems in the series such as the wall breaches, was even able to admit his wrongs, atone, and do the right thing along with those he once attacked.

Him realising his errors and apologising was an outstanding character development moment. In the end, he did what he had to. Respects.

His acquired understanding of the Eldian's dilemma felt a little rushed, but nothing too bothersome. I wasn't a fan of him at first and he's still not my favorite, but his meeting with Shadis was still pretty cool to see.

Would have liked to know his backstory.

What are you doing Yeager???

  THE ALLIANCE’S JOURNEY IS NOW TAKING A DETOUR AS THEY DECIDE TO TRAVEL BY BOAT TO ODIHA WHERE THEY CAN PREPARE THE PLANE, WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS?

Close to 70% of the fandom trusts that this detour to Odiha will be something worthwhile with 33.9% excited to see more of the SnK world and 34.3% thinking there is going to be plot significance. Only 12.5% of us were unhappy with this development.

The boat trip was unexpected. Maybe they'll talk about who they've lost and risk losing (in Liberio), as well as what they're fighting for (is it the world or their families?).

I’m having trouble figuring how fast this Rumbling will be. Will they really have enough time to sail to another country/continent, then fly all the way to another country/continent and still be able to save most of the world?

I don’t like the idea of going to Odihu. I want to hit the main points (Eren’s POV, scars wrapping, Historia’s POV) & be done.

Only few chapters left but the Alliance faces more and more delays?

I want Gabi to headshot DinoEren from Odiha

  WHAT WILL BE THE STATE OF LIBERIO BY THE TIME THE ALLIANCE GETS TO IT?

We were reminded again this chapter of the speed at which the titans are travelling and how quickly they could decimate the continent of Marley.  When and if the Alliance reach the mainland, more than half of respondents (56.7%) believe Liberio will be in the midst of being destroyed, nearly a third of the fandom (31%) think Liberio will be completely destroyed by the time the Alliance arrives. A tiny (tiny!) group of fandom optimists (7.8%) believe Liberio will be fine.

PANCAKED!

It depends on what Erens plan actually is... I'm holding out hope he's not actually trying to annihilate the world 🤞

It LOOKS like it's completely destroyed, but there are still survivors!

It will be mostly destroyed, but some Eldians will have risen up and escaped

The colossal titans will have trampled everything BUT Liberio. Eren wants to get the mainland Eldians on his side.

We'll see the people from Liberio arriving to Odiha. We saw the rebellion starting there, and I have the feeling they'll be fleeing south.

Eren will do some cool shit but hopefully no genocide I would hate that ending

i dont think rumbling will happen. from a story telling pov it just doesnt make sense

They'll be fine for the sole reason I just can't see Annie's Dad dying before their reunion.

About to be trampled

I find it curious how we don't even get to see a glimpse of the Rumbling happening. Isayama is usually so good at "show, don't tell", yet the last 2 chapters have just been Hange estimating the progress of the Rumbling. I wonder if Isayama has a plan for that?

The alliance won’t arrive Liberio because by the time they arrived Odiha, the Colossal Titans will have already destroyed northern part of Marley and approaching Odiha, the place where the Alliance and Eren will fight.

I'm really not sure. On one hand I can trust Hanji's geographical expertise, on the other hand, where can the final battle take place, other from a symbolic place?

  ANNIE WORRIES THE CURRENT PLAN WON’T ALLOW HER TO REACH HER FATHER IN TIME. HOW WILL SHE REACT WHEN SHE LEARNS LIBERIO IS LIKELY DOOMED?

If Annie has to choose between the alliance and her father, the majority believe she’ll choose her dad. When asked how she’ll react if she learns Liberio is doomed, 51.4% believe at some point Annie will abandon the alliance to search for her father, 20.7% believe she will continue to help the alliance and 9.2% feel that her frustrations will boil over and she’ll take out her frustrations on the people she is travelling with.

god at least let Annie reunite with her dad

I’m hoping that Papa Leonhart lasts long enough to see Annie, and that’s all.

  ON A SCALE OF ONE TO FIVE, HOW MUCH DID YOU ENJOY SEEING ANNIE TEAM UP WITH REINER, INSTEAD OF BEATING THE GOBSHITE OUT OF HIM?

After years of Reiner suffering abuse at Annie’s hand, she’s finally willing to let the Paradisians take care of the daily whack-a-Reiner session. And the overwhelming majority of you seem to appreciate this character development.

  WHAT WAS THE BEST ANNIE AND REINER BATTLE MOMENT?

The teamup of the Armored Titan and the Female Titan was a highlight of this chapter, leading to many great moments, with Reiner protecting Annie as the voted favorite (44.1%). Coming in second was both of them being saved by Connie (26.1%), and the two Titans protecting the Azumabito snagged third place (11.1%).

Loved how Reiner protected Annie.

love how connie looks cool

i legit was afraid that the asian lady was gonna die while reiner and annie protected them, that was well drawn/written

  IF PARALLELS BETWEEN FLOCH AND ERWIN EXIST, WHAT IS THE MESSAGE THEY ARE TRYING TO CONVEY?

Many in the fandom have pointed out potential similarities between the characters of Floch and Erwin, but whether they are valid similarities and what exactly is the textual purpose of them is hotly debated. The majority of respondents believe that one way or another, the parallels cast doubt on any similarities between the two, with almost half (44.6%) pointing to Floch’s bastardisation of Erwin and 23.7% believing that he is trying to imitate the former commander, but that there is no message behind it. A quarter of respondents (25%) believe that the parallels are indeed drawing similarities between the two characters, and 6.7% of you aren’t too convinced the parallels even exist.

Erwin seriously impacted floch but thats about it I dont think he is conciously stealing he is just using the words that made him march to hell and back.

Erwin was way more than "sasageyo" line and his lost army the comparison between him and Flock is lame.

Floch and Erwin are complete opposites are we even reading the same manga??

Erwin was fighting for HUMANITY. Floch has information that Erwin never knew and is fighting for the renewal of the Eldian Empire.  I don't think it is reasonable to compare them in parallel based on this logic.

   WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT FALCO’S JAW TITAN?

Falco’s Titan makes its debut! It sure is something to behold – I guess Falco’s always wanted to fly. Wonder if he can now? The popular opinion at 46.6% is that he’s a weird looking guy but that we’ll probably grow to love his design. 33.6% already love it! 16.2% of you don’t know what the hell this thing is supposed to be right now, and a few of you were just scared. That must mean it’s doing its job! Little Falco may have lost control but his transformation helped turn the tide of battle, now that’s a real feather in his cap.

Love Falco’s Titan

We finally have Xenomorphs in AOT

Falco's titan is weird but unique.

Titan Falco’s mouth has a mouth. Wtf

his titans face made me annoyed. and the fur too.

Wait, did Falco just shift into a rooster? Just kidding, I love it. It's the only saving grace in this chapter. I hope it has a deeper meaning, too, other than just looking cool and being an element of surprise.

Unpopular opinion but Falcos jaws is overdesigned

Falco’s Jaw Titan, can’t wait for it to be animated

XENOMORPH TITAN

  FALCO'S TITAN IS BEASTLY, HAS TALONS, FUR, A BEAK, AND JUST OVERALL LOOKS DRAMATICALLY DIFFERENT AND PERHAPS EVEN LARGER THAN THE OTHER 4 JAW TITANS WE HAVE SEEN. WHY DO YOU THINK THIS IS?

This titan has more forms than a Dragon Ball character.  The Galliard brothers' forms were incredibly similar and the others weren’t far off base.  But Falco’s looks to be on a whole new level, why could this be?  The most popular view is that Isayama’s just flexing his creative muscles, and about a third of respondents think it’s Falco’s animal characteristics coming out.

He likes birds

A bit of Zeke’s spinal fluid and Yams being punny.

All of the above, and also because we've been hinted about a flying titan, which is obviously going to be this bird.

Falco always wanted to fly away like a bird

I think it’s because of Zeke but I’m also wondering if Jaw titans are more beastial than other titans in general

He say bird be free and now he bird uwu

does Zeke even know that Falco is the Jaw Titan?

Falco name, but also a Berserk reference

It matches Falcos true bird-like character and fighting for freedom

Funny how it was speculated Falco getting the Beast Titan and turning into an eagle titan, and now his Jaw Titan looks like a Birdman.

PATHS has subconsciously made falco's fursona a reality.

  THE JAW TITAN NOW HAS 5 TOTAL DESIGNS, MORE THAN ANY OTHER TITAN. WHICH ONE IS YOUR FAVORITE?

Hopping across the battlefield and from Shifter to Shifter, the Jaw Titan has come in the most forms out of all of the Nine Titans, but which one is the most popular? To probably no one’s surprise, Porco’s glorious lion-like form which made its debut in one of the most majestic Titan panels known to man took the top spot (69.5%). The hype of the recent chapter was enough to propel Falco’s bird-like form into second place (15.2%), with the presumably original Jaw Titan revealed in Ymir’s backstory coming in third (7.6%), narrowly followed by the OG (but technically not the actual OG) Ymir’s Jaw, and finally with the winner’s older brother coming in last (1.2%). Cheer up Marcel, you’ll probably get another flashback for your death soon.

The Jaw titan was one of my favourite designs but it's only now I'm realising it's definitely Porco's Jaw that was what I liked. Falco's might grow on me yet.

Why do Jaw titans have inner teeth the way they are? Shouldn't their purpose be the outer jaw/jaw muscles to crush?

I thought Falco's jaw titan was really badass and cool

All the Jaw Titans are actually great but I *had* to choose my girl Ymir's titan. Terrifying yet cuddly, and a lesbian disaster to boot. We stan <3

  WHO DO WE NEED TO START TAKING GUNS AWAY FROM?

This year’s chapters have caused many to realise that Gabi and Floch are two characters who just won’t stop shooting people, whether they be titans, prisoners, engineers or flying bird nests, so we decided to put the two head to head, once and for all deciding whose gun is getting confiscated. While it was close, the majority have decided that Floch is the one who needs his favorite toy taken away (58.6%) and not Gabi (41.4%).

Floch, I hate you >:( you are a bad person

Fuck Gabi, Floch is amazing.

Floch's failures make me laugh.

  ARE YOU HAPPY IT WAS GABI WHO GOT THE SHOT AT FLOCH?

This was one of our closer results this month but since it was a Gabi-centric question that is unsurprising. While previous polls have indicated hopes that Jean would be the one to take down Floch, it was Gabi this chapter who landed the first shot and the majority of respondents  (30.8%) were delighted with that. The next largest percentage (27.7%) didn’t care who the shooter was, they just want Floch dead.  The third most popular choice (23.1%) expressed disappointment that it wasn’t Jean. On the other end of the spectrum, 10.8% wish for Floch to live forever and 7.5% wanted it to be anyone besides Gabi.

Can't  believe Gabi did it again. Shot a Yeager and now the main Yeagerist, lol.

I wanted Jean to kill off Floch forreal, but I am happy with what we've got.

Gabi baby i'm so proud i never hated u lmao.

I'm sad for a bit because I expected huge hairbowl chapter. Hope it will be in the next chapter, Jean vs Floch dialogues are always interesting.

Floch deserved something worse than having the hope of saving the day stripped from him before getting shot by Gabi. I'm not mad that Gabi got the honour to shoot Floch, but I wanted it to be someone more satisfying.

Too many MVPs this chapter, but ultimately Gabs got my vote caused I cheered when I saw it was her who shot fucking Floch. Go Gabi!

  AFTER GETTING SHOT BY GABI, WHAT’S NEXT FOR FLOCH?

It’s been a popular view for a while now that Floch will die soon, and in this chapter he gave his final stand at the harbor.  Only 8.2% think it actually resulted in his death, with the most popular view being that he swam to the boat and clung on to cause even more mischief. A final final stand, if you will.

Floch is on/in the plane right now. He will ambush them soon.

I wish floch is confirmed dead

Floch should live

Floch will have a role in the coming chapters

Floch seemed really pathetic this chapter, but next chapter I feel he's going to kill at least one person, maybe a few, so that's scary.

It’s kind of dumb that we are conditioned to expect that Floch is still alive

I don't see the point of Floch killing someone next chapter when it could've been done in this one (with more weight to the battle) so I have no idea what's his role now.

I expect Floch to stay on the island and die there, with the Yeagerist movement coming to an end. Shadis left some of his students these wise words of when to fight back, and the time is nigh.

If Floch is still alive and he's on the alliance ship, then someone (who isn't a Titan shifter or an Ackerman) is going to die in the next chapter.

THIS CHAPTER GAVE US ANOTHER ICONIC PANEL, THIS TIME HIGHLIGHTING THE NECESSITY TO HELP EACH OTHER OUT. WHICH DYNAMIC FROM THIS PANEL IS YOUR FAVORITE?

Former friends as well as foes helping each other stumble off the battlefield makes for a great and emotional panel.  Just over half of you were most happy with Mikasa and Annie front and center (52.2%) after being famous rivals.  Reiner’s bros helping him was also very popular (31.2%).

MIKAANI RIGHTS!!1!11!1! - hajime isayama, 2020

mikasa helping annie was cool because they have like the biggest rivalry against each other so it's cool to see them help each other

I loved seeing all the characters backing each other up.

I'm not sure why the poll makers are pointing the group panel as something positive. Don't you know these people tried to kill each other just last week in their world?

  WHAT DID YOU THINK OF MAGATH AND SHADIS’ SACRIFICIAL SUICIDE PACT?

Let’s pour one out for CHADIS and MAGOAT, may they rest in PATHS. The duo’s sacrifice came out of nowhere but didn’t hurt any less, and 53.9% of you thought it was a fitting conclusion for both. 14.6% were just happy that they got to meet at all, fleeting as it was. 9.6% thought it was a great ending for Magath but were despondent over Shadis’ fate, and 9.2% vice versa. 8.6% thought the sudden loss of both was completely unnecessary. In any case, the star-crossed bromance was too explosive to last – may they continue to yell at Jaegers from the great beyond.

*ugly cries for Shadis and Magath*

I’m happy they were able to meet and I like the dynamic and parallels between them. They met a sad end but just like Porco they got to go out on their own terms. They’ll be greatly missed and appreciated.

Loved how both he and Shadis went out in a blaze of glory while reflecting on how proud they were of their students. Especially Magath realizing he wished for them to live normal lives.

That was a curveball I didn't expect at all and I was in denial when I read it and a few minutes afterwards. I was so hoping both of them would get to continue helping their protegees out with experience and all that. But I'm glad they got to meet. It felt like both of them needed that.

I would have preferred them to blow up the ship without them in it and then deciding to have a Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid kind of ending, but utlimately, it works. They were dead either way, sinking that ship was gonna take more than a few thunder spears, they needed to ensure the Yeagerists couldn't catch up, and so, it works.

if either of them were injured and needed help to set up the explosion/defend the one setting it up, this would make a better sacrifice for both.

Shagath would've brought world peace. That's why they had to go

I understand the sacrifice and that maybe no one else had the guts to do the same, but Magath is such a capable leader and it feels like he perhaps wasted himself at the end there a little?

Both characters went out in a blaze of glory, Shadis helped derail the reinforcements and Magath was able to get Falco to safety before he did too much damage. Shadis saw this as a way to repay the debt of all those he lost while he was commander of the survey corp and Magath saw this as his way of sacrifice for what he has done to every Warrior.

It was satisfying to see Shadis do this, but I think Magath's change of heart happened too quickly for it to be satisfying for him

It wasn't a great ending and Chadis didn't have to die there

It wasn't necessary but not a bad ending for them.

It's Beyond the Wall from Game of Thrones again. Let's have a character absent for some time jump in, save the alliance by blowing up a train and die immediately. I hated that episode and I have mixed feelings about noone getting shot and having Shadis sacrificing himself.

It's certainly a meaningful way to die, but I regret all old characters are dying. If none of them will remain then who will lend their experience to new generations? IDK what is the message here, but surely resolutions for old characters are way more satisfying than for 104th and some other newer members of the cast (with exception of the children, they're handled the best).

It’s a good and sad conclusion for both, but I feel like we still need Magath cause he is the only Marlayan that is working with Eldians

It’s an ending on par with Erwin’s. They sacrificed themselves so the next generation can live to give their lives meaning, and to repay for the mountain of bodies they left behind. I hope the Kings shall meet in the afterlife

Kinda cheesy imo and also kind of rushing the end for shadis I feel

Like I said above, the sacrifice was rushed. It's a potentially great sendoff for both characters which is lessened by the breakneck pace the series is going.

sorry but it was really cheese, i hated the fact that shadis told the reclutes to join the jaegaergist but then he killed them on train

Not that fitting for Shadis but Isayama is definitely aiming for all the leaders alive here

Magath is probably one of the only people who could have been able to bring some sort of cooperation between Eldia and Marley, but I was satisfied with his sacrifice and how they met, its like they both gave closure to each others arcane

I like Shadis and didn’t care for Magarth yet I was still wondering why. I get it’s a shounen-esque story but even in Naruto the older generations played a role. Here they’re only good for sacrificing themselves (Pieck could have done it and survived the explosion)

I haven't finished a chapter in SnK in a long while that made me FEEL as much as this one did. And it's all thanks to the duo of Magath and Shadis. Honestly even though I can say I was never the biggest Magath fan, he really started to grow on me in the past 3 chapters. I never thought I would actually feel the burden of his sacrifice in my chest. He has my respect. I'll really miss him.

Keith and Magath are feasting together in Valhalla now.

  NOW THAT MAGATH IS GONE, MANY HAVE POINTED OUT THIS MAY LIMIT THE HOPE OF PARADIS HAVING DIPLOMATIC RELATIONS WITH THE WORLD. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS?

Magath’s death wasn’t just emotional, but could have a big impact on the ending.  Respondents were pretty split on this question, but the most popular view was that Paradis will still pull through and find a path to peace.  The next most popular view at about 30% is that Paradis never had a chance even with Magath.  18.5% think Paradis’ hopes for peace did indeed blow up along with Magath.

Fuck who is gonna vouch for the PARÁDISIans now?1

Would’ve liked to see him survive to become a Paradis advocate

Magath was the most important person in Marley and the only person who could help to make some kind of peace between Paradis and the world. And now he just... decided to commit sacrifical suicide? C'mon!!! He was too important. Now I don't keep big hopes for peaceful ending anymore.

Who tf is going to reason with Marley nowthat Magath is gone. Paradis is even more fucked, not that they had any chance of having diplomatic relations with the world before....

I say that without Magath diplomacy is doomed, but they will probably use the Kiyomi card and Onyonkopon card along with the "humans for the rights of eldians showed some ch ago" card

With him dead, it seems that Paradis doesn't have anyone with sufficient standing throughout the rest of the world to prevent them from wiping out Paradis for sufficient time

He screwed up, he needed to stay alive to spare Paradis if the Alliance won, the honorary marleyns can't do that.

  MOST INSPIRING QUOTE?

It wouldn’t be shounen without inspiring quotes, and we don’t have a shortage of them this chapter! A strong majority of you, clocking in at 42.6%, thought General Magath’s line about wishing “those kids could’ve lived a normal life” was most inspiring. Almost exactly tied (though the percentages might be deceiving, red has one less vote than blue), are Floch’s line about the fate of Paradis if Eren is stopped, and the Jean/Mikasa duo-quote about hesitation. Trailing a few points behind is Shadis’ “I’m proud of you” moment, and in last place was Floch’s “Eldia will be saved by me!”.

  DO YOU THINK CERTAIN CHARACTERS HAD TOO MUCH PLOT ARMOR THIS CHAPTER?

With a big battle going on, did the appropriate amount of characters survive?  The vast majority (46%) don’t care about numbers alive as long as the battle is well written.  22% believe the alliance does have too much plot armor, and 15.3% retort with the idea that everyone has plot armor.  About 10% think Floch should have died by now and has taken all the plot armor.  7% don’t think anyone has plot armor, it’s a cruel cruel world indeed.

Feel like most of the plot armour people are feeling about this chapter is simply because none of the soldiers are taught how to wield the gun 3DM gear.

Too much unnecessary plot armor for the alliance .

The plot armor was beyond stupid with the Yeagerists turning into Stormtroopers

the plot armor is to thicc in this chapter,at least some of Kiyomi's men should have died.

  DESCRIBE THIS CHAPTER IN 1 WORD.

Here are the top 5 descriptions of the chapter chosen by you, the fandom. You can find the average score for the groups between brackets. The average score for the chapter this month was 4.21 for comparison.

Amazing [4.84]

Great [4.62]

Awesome [4.67]

Epic [4.81]

Intense (shared 4th place) [4.5]

Honorable mention: Chadis

Also shout-out to the folks who were compiling a recipe. Seems to be lacking some carbs though. What cookbook were you guys reading this month?

BEANS

Paprika

goat

Nutty

Yummy

  ISAYAMA RECENTLY SAID IN AN INTERVIEW THAT THERE IS ONLY 5% OF THE STORY TO GO. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS?

We’ve known for a while that we’re in the final arc, but now we have confirmation we’re really reallyyyyyyy close to the end.  About 42% of readers expected it to end right about then anyways, while 28.8% think it’ll end up going longer, as Isayama’s extended past his percentages in the past.  19.4% are worried how the story will be wrapped up in that time.

A little worried, but I trust in Isayama.

AAAAAAAAAAAAH

AOT has been in my life since 2013 and is pretty much the last bit of my childhood still going. Of course I'm sad it's ending, but I'd rather it end than go on forever like the walking dead and so on.

As long as the ending is written well it doesn’t matter to me

Since I'm extremely new to SnK, I can't say anything about Isayama's writing habits and all that, but speaking as a fellow writer, I could see that he might underestimate the story that's left, though not by much. I'm also kind of worried that it might be a bit too soon but then again, SnK always has long chapters, so it might work out just fine.

The truth is sad to know that it is over, since I took a lot of love, but I know that the end will be amazing

I just want him to stick the landing, the amount of chapters left is not important.

I need Isayama to make more chapters so we can keep getting Podcast episodes of You Hear Big Girls

I can't believe how close we are to the end. I just know it's gonna get crazier from here on.

I expected this, but the closer we get the more clear it is that he needs to take more time to properly resolve arcs than he seems to want to.

I feel like we're gonna get a rushed ending and loose ends either ignored or tied up as throwaways

I feel that the story is going to end in an abrupt yet succinct way.

I have faith in Isayama no matter what he plans to do with the story.

But WHERE does Historia fit into that 5%

honestly a little more than expected

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ONCE SNK ENDS HELP ME

  WHAT ARE YOU MOST HOPING TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER?

Absolutely dominating this question is the desire to see Eren’s POV (as usual), with 40.9% of the vote. Trailing quite behind at just under 16% is Historia, then.. uh. death and destruction, apparently. After that it gets pretty close, with Floch’s last stand trailing less than half a percentage point behind Zeke (who trails behind death and destruction). After Floch’s last stand, we have the desire to see an epic, carefree adventure on the ocean, followed lastly by Hizuru’s base.

Somethings up. We still haven't seen Eren's point of view, and there's dedinately a reason for it.

Nice!  Now give me family bonding on the ship plz Isayama

Next chapters gonna be pretty cool imo, but the community will call it another "aLlIaNcE fIlLeR cHaPtEr"

Eren Eren Eren Eren Eren Eren Eren Eren Eren Eren

Enjoyed seeing Floch finally getting hurt, his luck needed to end. I'm sure he's alive and in the ship, and I'm totally sure he'll take away someone's life in the next chapter. But please, Yams... Floch must die.

HISTORIA AND EREN POV

HISTORIA WHEN

I'm pretty sure the next chapter will take place on the ship, so I expect some good dialogue

I hope the boat setting will give enough time to address the untouched issues Isayama has been evading with those two groups interacting, mainly Levi and Annie. Or the Warriors acknowledging the massive sacrifices the Paradisean side is doing and stick up for them in a situation where they are successful.

when are we going to see História? She has been pregnant for too long.

  WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES?

Reddit once again T-poses on all the rest of the platforms, coming in at just over 40% of the responses. Twitter follows it with 16.5%, and is in turn followed by people who don’t discuss the series at all. Behind that is Discord with 10.3%, and Tumblr with 8.4%. It’s astonishing to me how much the demographics of this poll have changed. Tumblr used to compete with Reddit, and now it’s so low on the list that it’s the last one with a section big enough for Google Forms to include the percentage number on it. The responses with no visible percentages are, in this order: Real Life (90 votes), Instagram (28), Facebook (19), Youtube (16), 4chan (9), the Wiki (3), Snapchat (3), and Steam (2).

Snapchat had 3 people. That’s 0.2% of the vote. That’s one more than Steam and tied with the Wiki. I’m in perpetual disbelief that it gets any votes at all, and I remain convinced that it’s some sort of conspiracy of people who forgo discussing the series on any of the major platforms just to discuss it on snapchat with each other, specifically so they can screw with me when it comes time to write the poll blurbs. Or they’re just lying… much to think about……..

  ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER?

I just loved that the old 104th group despite what happened between them, how the people, the world, the history tore them apart is fighting together once again and protect each other like a big family

Calling it now, Zeke got vaporised in Eren's transformation.Still mad years later that freckle Ymir died the way she did and I choose to be mad because I was born into this world.

While it was an intense chapter that was exciting and sad I think it’ll move the story to the next stage in a really good way.

While the last few chapters were still really good, this one brought back the same unbridled hype I had when reading 116-123. We may debate cringevengers vs yeagerists, but I think we can all agree that this manga is still a fucking masterpiece.

Why does Isayama always crush all the good feelings you have during a chapter at the very end? The panel with all of them supporting each other was so powerful and heartwarming, not to mention seeing them all fighting together before and trying to reach the ship, and then Isayama just goes and kills Shadis and Magath. Freaking curveball at the end. RIP

I love gabi, BEST GIRL!!!

I love the alliance chapters and I'm not sorry at all!

Isayama as usual

Isayama, please, let Hange and Armin do something important before the ending, or their deaths

Isn’t 126 shit Tier writing but aren’t great either.Feels forced.

It felt a bit messy/clumsy at my first read, but at every reread it felt better, and I think the messy feel (compared to the smooth RtS arc) was deliberate.

Karl Fritz chapter soon

What a goddam pleasure to see yeagerists getting shot down, and what an extreme joy to see Floch's fans being overwhelmed by common sense from other fans

Where is Eren? We want Eren!

This was a good chapter. I really enjoyed it

Nearly all alliance members increased their kill count, except Levi, Yelena and Onyankopon. Gabi just shot Floch but we all know he isn't dead. They all sliced, decapitated, dismembered, crushed, shot people they once called comrades for some vague goal that might be completely meaningless, since, no one discussed any terms once Eren is stopped. And with Magath dead, they never will.

Kinda sad on how Armin's characters has been treated so far. Served as stair to Connie twice and now Isayama put him to sleep in the middle of the fight without any contribution at all... I'm a Armin stan and i'm bothered. Hope he gets some real shit soon.

After the Alliance noping out of Paradis, I wonder when they will return their homeland, and I think Floch is alive, but instead of sneaking onto the ship he will gather the Yeagerists to strengthen his control on Paradis, crowning himself as the King of New Eldian Empire. And more civil wars are on the way so stay tuned…

more mikasa pweeze

My old man once said "Alan Moore can't do endings," and I'm getting that vibe here, too--with everything that's come before, is there even a way to bring this story to a close that isn't too drawn out with answers to questions that didn't need asking, or a sudden cluttered mess wrapping as many subplots as it can in only two or three chapters at the expense of quality and feeling?

Need more shirtless Reiner

No matter what others may say, that was a great chapter. I loved the battle between the alliance and jeagerists. Few years ago, during the battle in Shiganshina they probably didn't even think about figting on one side with Reiner and Annie. I remember how they were trying to kill him and look where they are now. However, I get a feeling that after Magath's death there will be no hope for peace between Paradis and the rest of the world. I get a feeling that we may get full rumbling after all =/

no, its G O A T E D

Not a fan of the recent chapters. Feel like the story is telling me to root for the alliance, but I don't care about their goal and I'm with Eren 100%. I wish there were more characters in support of Eren and the rumbling. Floch and the yaegerists are great, but it's annoying that they are being painted as the evil bad-guys when their goals are noble. It's sad to see the main characters who've fought for their friends, families, and homes the entire series just completely disregard all of that and become willing to sacrifice it all for the rest of the world who hate them and want them dead.

Off topic: reiner is a snacc

One more month of no one having a solution to the actual problem other than agreeing that it’s a problem :/

The Survey Corps proved, once again, that they are not to be underestimated. They work seamlessly together and they respect one another.

The wait is torturous, but there's really no better way to be moving things along right now.

Theo Magath deserves a golden star for being amazing man till the end.

Why didn't the Yeagerists just Thunderspear the plane?

I’m sure I’m in the minority but the Titan fights are my least favorite parts of the story. So this chapter being largely comprised of them made it kind of meh to me. I feel like the plot is simultaneously going too fast and not fast enough. Chapters like this one make me very worried about how this will all end

floche: NNNOOO DON'T STEAL THE BOAT YOU'RE GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING HHHH

gabi: hehehe floche go boom

Hange's group are a bunch of hypocrites and traitors , hopefully they all die in the most grossume ways by Eren's hands .

I love Floch and the Yeagerists , they fought to the last breath for Eren , their home and people .

Keith is an idiot and died like an idiot .

I'm happy that Magath finally died hopefully the rest of the alliance are next .

i can't understand people defending Floch. You're siding with yeagerists ? Okay, but take Samuel, Daz or Louise as exemple, everyone except Floch. Floch was written to show the drift of patriotism. That is his goddam meaning. That what Isayama has been writing since Floch's reappearance. The same way Hanji embodies Survey Corps' values or Jean embodies the necessity to do the right thing. That are the writing purpose. Please, respect Isayama's work.

I love Attack on titan ❤️

I luv Floch

I MISS HISTORIA

I need Ackermans

Loved it, I'm enjoying all the time were getting with the alliance but I'm anxious to see what's going on with Zeke, Eren, & Historia.

overall pretty great! Gabi really needs to have her aimbot checked though :/

YAMS I’M STILL WAITING FOR PIECK TO ACKNOWLEDGE PORCO’S DEATH IN SOME WAY.

Where the fuck is Armin in that shot of everyone?

Floch is a great leader and the Jaegerists are not in the wrong.

I like koalas

you know my thoughts

Where's Eren

Where's Levi?

Wheres boriiiiis

i dont have any hope anymore i cant imagine them dead its too much for me damn u isayama

I genuinely loved it. I can't wait to see how it all ends.

I personally didn’t like it since it was the 6th alliance POV chapter in a row, and possibly the next two chapters will also be an alliance POV. I’m tired of the alliance and I don’t support their cause, so it’s kind of boring to read another alliance chapter after 6 months of alliance POVs.

I hate everything, why did Isayama had to take Magath away

I really liked that Isayama was still consistent with shifters not being able to control their titan the first couple times.

I really thought Armin was gonna help fight during the battle with his messed up zombie jaw, but instead he just kind of passed out and disappeared for most of the chapter. We're heading towards the end of the manga and I need to see more Armin scenes, I'm really rooting for him to be a key figure in talking to Eren/the general ending as a whole but as of now he's still just kind of useless.

I feel like that this chapter is foreshadowing the titan war. Remember in chapter 100 when the guy ( I can’t remember his name) said if Eren starts the rumbling, he will cause the titan war to start again. That might explain why Falco randomly attacked Pieck.

I remember Pixis telling Eren how he thinks about a story between mankind coming together against a powerful enemy, and Eren said it was rather optimist thinking that he doesn’t believe would truly work. He also mentions that they are hardly working together because difference in morals are to strong, they are not truly fighting together. But in the instance where Magath and Shadis were able to put aside their differences just so that their students may have a better future, shows that humanity can still exist, but unfortunately mainly when brought upon an unavoidable death which leads me to believe what will become of the alliance if they are forced into this position.

I hate the alliance so fuck it

I have no idea how this is gonna end.

I hope floch stays dead hes such a menace

I hope there’s a nice discussion next chapter

I hope this shit is over and we can have a better written material

Thought there was a bit too much plot armor ... especially with Gabi saving the day endlessly

I really hope we get back to focusing on multiple story lines in a single chapter, instead of following a single group. I wish we saw Shadis on his way to derail the train. I hope we get to see a group of Yeagerists in Shiganshina finding Zeke. Just give us a shot of the farm Historia is at. I'm really starting to miss the other story lines.

Ch130 Bert talk let's GOOOOOOOOO

Consistently good quality as expected from Isayama. I have faith he will continue releasing kino and stick the landing with the ending.

Cool, portrays the desperation of both the alliance and the Yeagerists

Could be better

Does the gang even KNOW that Shadis went boom along with Magath!?

I just hope Isayama gives Levi a death befitting a hero like he did with Shadis. I get AoT is not Levi’s story anymore but seeing him not being able to do anything really hurts. Even his own soldiers (besides the alliance) don’t respect him anymore, he doesn’t have anywhere to come back to. He probably won’t be able to kill Zeke (he never gets what he wants) but please let him die knowing he gave meaning to his comrades’ lives.

I wish Mikasa would be able to hate Eren at last. Still not happening 🤔

i wish we could have seen armin more— just my personal preference. i adore the man.

I wish we had the warriors' thoughts on Bertholdt but it wasn't the right moment at all. Maybe next chapter? I'd like them to mourn their comrade and friend. Hell annie and reiner spent lot of time with him reiner even had nightmares about him being removed from his titan. It feels so unsatisfying and frustrating. So great great chapter but please give a break to the warriors.

Great chapter. I was scared for our girl Pieck tho but glad to see her in action.

I wonder how Eren will react finding out how many have died in his name or against his cause. Shadis, Daz, so many Survey Corps peeps...

Good, but can we please get moving this plot along to eren/historia/zeke?

Goodbye, Shadis McChadis. You deserved a 200/10 exit, but you got a 7/10 instead. X'(

I don't care aobut anything else just show me eren

I don't care who you are just don't touch the Meme Queen! Goddamn Falco almost killed her.

I don't know

Levi being tied on Pieck and carried like a baby made me laugh so much

Glad that we're done with the port battle now

Levi is smol

Levi most likely left the alliance.

Levi so small

Levi still exists

Levi was cute

Leviiiiiiiiii

WELL SWEET MOTHER TERESA ON THE HOOD OF A MERCEDES-BENZ! YOU LOOK LIKE A BALD FUCKIN' EAGLE!

things make sense. The story is building as it goes, and Yams can’t go back an change it around. Eren POV is coming

Pieck didn't even try to stop Falco other than "noo don't go you're so young ahah" and that was pathetic. Having him die there would have been extremely effective and it would have been a great way to address the "random child inheritance" situation previously described

Please let the bastard really be dead.

PogChamp

Poor Annie. Dat powercreep.

Press F for Chadis

quite happy that floch seemingly survived, his speech kinda made me sympathetic towards him, shadis and magath were brilliant..rip

Really well drawn and very powerful ending.

So now everyone has left Paradis... do we have any other characters that can group up with Historia apart from Nicolo and the Brauses?

So sad the Bertalk has to be delayed but at least there's no option now. If the whole traitor parallel happens right after Jean finally gets to vent over Marco and they dont mention him once then... shit writing, everything is a coincidence and nothing is a parallel in this manga. Let Reiner be angry 2k20

Some good moments, sure, but PLEASE for the love of god can we cut to the chase now???

FLOCH GOAT. FUCK TRAITORS. SOMEONE BETTER GET FLOCH'S GLOCK.

Stop using our Eternal Commander Erwin for your fascist shit, Floch

Someone probably says that the chapter was rushed. However, I think Isayama has his plan, and he will put those flashbacks which you guys need soon, so don't worry about that :) I also want to know what happened to Historia and her baby while the league of SC and the Warriors was fighting in Marley. She plays an important role in the whole SnK plot, and before someone fortet her, we need our queen to come back.

Still cant take the alliance serious. They all acting out of character. Just hoping they will betray each other and the scouts will be on Erens side. Dont get why the alliance want to save people outside and for that Goal they slaughtering all their own people. That is also wrong like the genocid. It does not Matter, because killing is killing

Strong ending but I prefer dialogues over action. Also we saw nothing of Levi, he's being dragged around until he can meet up with Zeke, really convienient...

Surprisingly good

Every chapter that goes by without presenting a twist to this endgame makes me more and more anxious.

Annie looks very shocked to see people supporting her. Gabi can’t stop getting traumatised

ANY CHAPTER WHERE FLOCK GETS FUCKED IS A GOOD CHAPTER

armin suffered too much

I started to dislike AMJC. I understood why they opposed Eren (despite not thinking it through) but now they’re killing their own people to protect their “comrades” (who will cause trouble later because they want to kill Eren but Armin and Mikasa don’t). This for a small chance of maybe stopping Eren. If this had happened before he started his path of destruction I think I could understand, but now there’s no going back. Eren sealed the SoY’s fates in the eyes of the world. Hange and co had to realize the SoY would now be exterminated instead of enslaved because of the horror Eren unleashed, showing the world what just one SoY was capable of

I don't really have negative thoughts on the chapter other than Gabi shooting Floch, but if he survives then i'm fine. I just think the chapter was somewhat uninspired, the scenes between Magath and Shadis didn't hit the emotions they were supposed to with me.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE VOLUME ON THIS BUS IS ASTRONOMICAL

The dynamic between the Yaegerists and Alliance forces was really interesting and depressing to see. Floch's speech humanized them and they proved to be really dangerous by decimating Reiner and Annie.

The chapter was great, a lot of action, a lot of close calls. I really thought a lot of the characters like Annie, Reiner and Pieck were in trouble. I at least thought Pieck was going to die since she was in the jaws of Falco but she's fine so that's good. I wish Shadis didn't die so soon, but I guess Isayama is trying hard to wrap up loose ends before the end so I understand.

i dont want a sad ending.

was a nice chapter, it feels even better because it came after the extra long waiting time

I still don't like that AMCJ betrayed Paradis. All of their fights before with the Warriors were in vain and meaningless like this. Is this why so many of the SC died? Erwin and Bertholdt too. I don't hate them, but can't understand. Also, RIP the Yeagerists, it was a brutal massacre. F Chadis and Chadgath.

I still don’t see how they stop the rumbling so it’s likely they don’t do it but eren chooses to, talking could be underwhelming but if it’s future eren knowing this could lead to something that we don’t know yet and is the horrible thing grisha mentioned the rumbling or worse?

I think in this chapter alliance crossed the line and now they full of determination to end their job

I think it lacked armin or he was too deficient at the time.

Teenage go brrr and alliance has plot armor but thats expected they have roles to play like getting killed by eren

Thanks for the shout-out for our 'cockroach' fill-in last chap, it made our week!

The Alliance feels increasingly supported by the script.

The alliance needs to be dealt a blow or have some internal conflict other cab playground insults around stew.

The battle between the alliance and Floch & the Yeagerists is totally unfair .

The alliance had 4 titan shifters , 1 Ackerman , 3 skilled soldier and 1 skilled warrior in the battlefield .

Floch & The Yeagerists are not skilled soldiers but they proved their bravery and fought for Eren , their people and home to the last second .

This chapater was just a set up for what's to come so judging it harshly would be unfair

this chapter was emotional on all levels and we had some information about the rumbling. The alliance worked very well and Keith was a hero. He was a hero in the shadows and I am happy that he was able to meet Magath because it allowed us as readers to see these two commanders from a different angle. Keith and Magath had a lot in common and could have been friends under other circumstances. Their sacrifice was an excellent end to this penultimate battle. Now is the time for the last final battle!

[gunmetalarchived]

teaching cee to swim with @consultingsister​

SEVERIN He dove in. Head first, pulling his arms back to propel himself forwards in the water. The water was home, even if it was cold and bracing at first. Soon it would be like fresh air, or a warm bath.  She had told him so many stories about Italy, he was starting to see the appeal. His head finally broke above the surface, Severin took a deep breath and stood up. His fingers ran through his hair, wiping at his face before he turned back to smile at her. His hands were on his hips, his smile wide. “You coming in?”

CEE Celia likes swimming in theory. Feeling weightless in the water, an whole new world to discover. However it practise it makes her feel physically sick. She’s happier by the side of the pool; sun on her neck, bikini on, a selection of magazines, medical articles and novels at the ready. She makes a non-committal noise, not looking up from her notes. “I can see you perfectly well from here, why would I risk getting my hair wet?”

SEVERIN He pushed the surface of the water towards her, knowing he would get her papers wet. It was worth it. For some reason, she always looked hotter when he was in trouble. “Now you’re wet. Come on.” He sunk up to his neck again, paddling to the edge of the pool. “I promise there’s no sharks in here.”

CEE The pool was deep at either end, no safe spot to stand and make it look like she knew was she was doing. How easy would it be to slip in and pretend she could do it? An image flashes; a wave crashing over her head, a burning feeling in her lungs. “Stop it,” she pulls back her papers, eyebrows coming together. “If you must know--” no, she can’t tell him. “I don’t like swimming.”

SEVERIN “-what?” That thoroughly confused him. The concept was just alien. Years spent with salt stained skin, sand stuck to everywhere and goosebumps from the cold ocean air meant there was no where else he’d rather be than in the water. He splashed again, even at the look on her face. “I don’t believe you.”

CEE "Well I don't believe you don't like shopping in London but there we go." Even Sev, who she genuinely loves, genuinely trust, can't know. It's a family secret; the biggest family secret if you ask Cecelia. How can the brightest girl at Cambridge medical school not swim? Struggle with doggy paddle but not the central nervous system. She swaps out her uni notes for a Vogue magazine. Hiding her face, she coughs and then admits, finally. "I can't, alright?"

SEVERIN “You can’t?” He had to say it again. He was in shock, to be honest. He didn’t think it was realistic that anyone couldn’t swim anymore. He stood up, his face dropping. “Hey, look at me.”

CEE She held the magazine steady, allowing some some of her cheeks to un-redden. She takes a breath and drops the magazine, giving Sev a look that dared him to laugh. "I cannot swim. I could when I was younger but when I was six... we were at the beach in Scotland and I nearly drowned and the only reason I didn't was because Sherlock got me out and... well I don't swim anymore."

SEVERIN Severin pulled himself out of the pool, heading to the lounger opposite her. “Right. So I guess I’ll have to thank him when I meet him.” He was dripping everywhere. There was a pool forming underneath him but it was fine. “It’s a pool. If you wanted to, you could try it. You can see the bottom — and I’ll have you know I do have life guard training. I might not be baywatch ready-“ He laughed, his chest rippling. He took pretty good care of himself. “I’m here. But only if you want to.”

CEE Her look softened as he spoke and she even managed a smile. Anyone else who found out Cee couldn't swim found is hilarious. A severe chink in Cecelia's intellectual chain. It was a wonder that not people found out really. "You look pretty baywatch ready to me..." she mumbled. The heiress gives a little huff, looking between him and the pool. "You'll have to hold me."

SEVERIN He liked it when she smiled. “Hey, my eyes are up here.” He winked, offering his hand out. “Wouldn’t dream of letting you go.”

CEE "I don't have an interest in your eyes." With another little sigh she closes all her books over, pushing them away from the pool and stands up. She looks as if she's about to swim in the Olympics, not in her grandmothers warm pool. "If I drown, you're in big trouble."

SEVERIN “Way to make a guy feel special, eh?” He wasn’t so concerned about being objectified. Even if he was pretty good at faking it. “Maybe, start small.” He knelt down, flopping into the water and standing beneath her. “I don’t think you’re going to be Micheal phelps straight away.”

CEE She felt like a child, sitting down on the edge of the pool, letting her feet settle into the water. Her knuckles turn white as she grips the hot tiles around the edge but she pushes through it. In fact, she pushes off of it, jumping into Sev's arms with small scream. Arms wrap around his shoulders with more force than it looked like she was capable of.

SEVERIN Severin caught her, his arms holding her close so that she’d feel protected. “Honey, I need to breathe-“ he was grinning still. “You trust me, right?”

CEE "Breathing is for pussy's, just hold me." She liked the feeling of the water around her; the hot had warmed it all morning but it allowed some relief from the heat. She bit her lip, letting Sev go a little bit. "No. Yes. Maybe, I don't know it would depend on what you want me to do."

SEVERIN “I’ve got you.” He pushed away from the side slightly, far enough she could still reach with a bit of a stretch. “Just, lie down okay? I’ll have my hands under you, you’ll float but I’m not letting go. Promise. You feel scared, just grab me.”

CEE Celia understood that the water could carry her if she lay still but wasn't quite sure she would be able to manage that. She allowed her legs to come up but as soon as water moved over her face and shouted and went back to holding tightly than ever. "No, no, I did it, I can swim now, let me get back to my reading."

SEVERIN “I promised, alright? I’ll hold your head. Nothings going to hurt you.” He kissed her cheek, softly. He could be incredibly kind, even more so with her.  “Just give it a second and you’ll feel yourself float.”

CEE She trusted him when he said that, whenever he said that. She allowed herself to tilt back, winces and then tries again. "Do you remember--" she begins to let go of him. "Do you remember on our first ever round in the hospital and that kid's stitches burst all over me and I had that panic attack for like twenty minutes. You-- ah! You-- had to talk me into being a doctor all over again."

SEVERIN He held her head gently, his fingers in her hair and one hand on her lower back to get her to settle. Only once she was level did he let his hand drift away from her back, just an inch. Just to let her feel weightless. Severin wanted her to know that, and know that he would be here is she needed him. “Yeah. It’s not like you haven’t returned the favour a few times.” He was smart, but not her level of smart. When it came to studying, her patience and drive was incredible. She made him want to learn. “How do you feel?”

CEE "Like I'm going to throw up." Celia was, without even meaning to be, a tense person. Straight backed, shoulders back, flinches when you touched her sort of girl. The feeling of weightlessness was new to her; when she tensed she  slipped under the water. She had to relax her shoulders, unclench every muscle. "I... I like it. Don't move though, fuck," as panic surged through her, she slipped under the water again, this time, her whole head submerged but as she rose back up, she was laughing, grabbing onto Sev again. "Fuck," cough cough, "shit!"

SEVERIN “Alright- I’ve got you.” He pulled her up into his arms, holding her close and pressing kiss after kiss against her cheek. Hearing her laugh was a good thing. She didn’t do that enough. Her wet hair cling to his skin but he didn’t care, it was all part of being wrapped up in Cecelia. “See? I think it should be known that sometimes, I have good ideas.” He rested his forehead against hers gently. The sun, the water, her. Heaven on earth of it had ever existed.

CEE "Yeah, that's your good idea for the year, enjoy it." She wipes her hair from out of her eyes, the air seeming cool on her wet skin. Her hands move easily to the side of his face, breathing in for a moment. A first step, a safe set towards learning something new and it was all thanks to him. She had learned a lot in his arms; that there is more to life that grades and your brothers opinions being one. "I'm going to... swim to the edge, don't.... I can do it myself."

SEVERIN It was only a distance of about 3 meters but of course she wanted to. Nothing would stop Cecelia once she got an idea in her head. Maybe, Severin just had to be grateful he was the one planting them. He held her a little tighter. “Not without a kiss for luck.”

CEE "I don't need luck, I'm a Holmes." She kissed him anymore, lips hard against his and pulled away with a "mwah" before practically jumping from his arms. At once she was under the water, having trouble moving her arms and legs the right way. The water up her nose burnt and she could feel the panic rising. Adapt then. The aim was to go up, which she could tell was up because of the glittering light. One push forward propelled her to the side and she came out of the water with a gasp, clinging onto the side. It was hardly swimming but it was a stroke in the right direction. "You see," she spluttered, wiping her face. "I got this."

SEVERIN She didn’t. She made her own luck through perseverance and hard work. And on some level, that scared him. One day, Cee would turn around and realise she had no business being with him. Sure, Severin worked hard. But things just sort of came naturally to him. He didn’t have much ambition, or drive outside of what his father had said was a good example. He just.. existed. As she left his arms with a comical kiss, he watched just in case she needed him. He wanted to step in as her head sunk under the water but held firm. As soon as she was at the edge, he started to swim over to keep her company again. “Well, looks like I’m out of a job as your swim coach. Shall I just head off back to Cambridge now?”

CEE "No," she looked almost alarmed, worried that she might of legitimately offended him. The words of a old friend from school rang in her ears, boys don't like girls who are too independent. At the time she had just scoffed but she had understood her to be true over the years. You have to treat them like children sometimes, telling them they're big clever boys when they do something for you, usually especially when it was something you could actually do quite well for yourself. "No..." she gave a small whine and reached out for him, leaving the side of the poor as she clung to him again. "I have more uses for you than just swimming. Sex in at least every downstairs room before Sherl arrives. All this space has to be used for something."

SEVERIN “When you put it like that, I can think of a reason or two to stick around.” Was it to much to ask that she clung to him like this forever? It was nice, when she wanted affection. It was almost as fun as watching her scrunch her nose up when she had been told she was wrong. He caught her, standing up to spin her around in the pool. “How many downstairs rooms are there?”

CEE "Let's see, there is the formal living room," she kisses his shoulder, following a line of pool water up his neck, "the dining room, the kitchen," as she reaches his ear, she bites softly. "The parlour, a storage room, the ironing room..." as she reaches his jaw, the kisses continue, lingering on his lips before moving down to the other side of his neck, biting hard enough this time to leave a mark. It wouldn't just be a tan that gave away what they did all summer. "Let me know if you're getting tired."

SEVERIN “I see. That’s a lot of rooms.” He moved her to the edge of the pool, pressing her body gently against the wall as her lips covered his skin. Oh she knew exactly what she was doing. “It looks like I’m going to be exhausted.” He held her with one arm, using the other to pull her who and wrap her legs around his waist. “And when we’re done with downstairs, what’s your plan then?”

[angrylizardjacket]

Run to Paradise {Nikki Sixx} Part 27

27. forgive me my sins

Summary: Lola decides to confront her mother. Nikki's on board, but he's not allowed to go, so lola and manages to convince tommy to come along, but it just does not go well At All.

Warnings: So Many: nsfw, mentions of psychological and physical abuse and arson and murder, emotional manipulation, so much angst

ragtag bunch of misfits: @starlalove   @toofasttofallinlove    @xrosegoldwolfx   @obsessivesky    @trpwthme @lovehelpmewrite   @angelicjoonie23   @marvelismylifffe    @lilytalebi   @glitterdreamsz    @freddiessmallnipples   @crazysaladchopshop   @inthebackofmycarlaytheirbodies @dramatique-moi   @missqueeniewrites @calspixie    @aryssav   @catsoo12    @sweetshutter   @silvertonguedserpent    @shamelessobsessions   @lavenderbones22    @keepcalm-and-beyou   @scarecrowmax    @nicholeh7   @unknownoblivion   @sighsophiia

"I'm not a child!"

"All of you are children to me."

Since leaving hospital barely a week ago, Lola's has not been sober for a single minute, has landed back in hospital, this time with a broken wrist from punching a hole in the wall, and has been unofficially put under house arrest for Doc, who has hired literal security guards to keep her confined to her house. The band spends time with her, but she's too overwhelmingly angry to be any good company, and Mick's only around because he sort of pities her now that they all know the full story.

For the record, Lola doesn't care who knows the story; if she could, she'd hire a sky writer to tell the world about the shit her mother put her through, the lies she'd told, the blame she'd put on Lola's young shoulders. But the pity stings.

So she yells, taunts him and throws things, actively tries to burn that bridge as she's standing on it. For the first day, Mick tries, God knows he tries, but after hanging up the phone in the middle of Lola book a flight to Boston for the third time, he snaps.

In the middle of her kitchen, he turns on her, done with pity, he scowls, fingers still holding down the hook switch, phone having gone dead in her white-knuckled grip.

"And what exactly do you plan on doing in Boston? Taking your goddamn pound of flesh? Getting revenge seven years after the fact?" He shoves her, looking to get a rise, to get honest answers, but surprisingly, Lola doesn't fight back.

"I'm gonna burn her fucking house down," she snarls, and for thr barest moment, Mick feels genuine worry; he's never heard her so sure of anything before in all the time he's known her.

"You're gonna burn her house down?" Mick asks by way of quiet confirmation, and Lola, no longer shouting or throwing things or lashing out, in a moment of terrifying stillness and clarity, nods.

"It won't go how you want or expect, girlie," his voice turns, and there it is again; pity. Lola slams the phone back into its place so fast Mick barely has time to move his fingers before they're crushed.

"I want her to say sorry, to say my father's dead and has been for years," she paused, raised a challenging eyebrow and crossed her arms, "and then I'm going to burn her fucking house to the ground."

"You're not in your right mind."

"Yeah? So? At least you know why now."

Mick sighs, sags, the fight leaving him as he starts to feel like the eight years age difference between them becomes more like a lifetime.

"So you're gonna go to Boston, high and drunk - because when are you not? - and set fire to your mother's house for revenge?" He paused, leaning back on the counter, watching as she makes her way to the refrigerator. "You're- girlie, you're justified in your anger, I get it okay? I get shitty childhoods -"

"Get out of my house, you bitter fucking fossil; go tell someone else about how shitty your childhood was because honestly, I don't fucking care." Lola tells him through gritted teeth, staring him down. Mick's mouth snaps closed, and he heaves a sigh.

"Don't go to Boston." He's almost pleading now.

"I said get out of my house."

Nikki's not due to be home until the evening, he and Tommy are in the studio working on the rhythm section for a new song, so Lola formulates a plan.

"Doc," when she calls him, she puts on a voice that's as teary and remorseful as she can manage, makes herself sound young and sweet. She's well aware that Doc is riddled with guilt over her situation, feels responsible since he wad the one who has the information tracked down to begin with, was the one who told her about her father. She wasn't above using his guilt against him.

She she cries and sniffles and tells him that all she wants is to see her father's final resting place, which isn't necessarily a lie, its just not the whole truth. His heart softens against her house arrest when she sniffles and lies through her teeth and tells him she'll be on her best behaviour.

"Of course, Miss Gone," Doc agrees easily, though he stipulates that she needed to take Tommy. It was a tactical move on his part; for all that he knew he was enabling Lola, he also knew that she and Nikki could be far more dangerous, each feeding into the other's spiteful nature, while Tommy, on his own, went a ways to keeping Lola level, well as much as he could.

And Tommy could drive.

"Where are you going?" When Nikki comes back home, Lola's sitting on the sofa, drinking whiskey on the rocks, looking the calmest she had in days. Beside her sits a backpack.

"Gonna kill my mom." Lola tells him easily, eyes not straying from the television, which was play a fluff piece on rescue dogs. She's neither screaming, nor crying, nor actively trying to OD in their living room, and Nikki knows he'd be stupid not to lean into it, especially when he's quietly been wanting revenge on Lola's mother for years now for all the shit she'd put Lo through.

"What do I need to bring?" He doesn't even hesitate, and Lola's smile turns sharp and amused. Finally she looks away, something appreciative in her gaze when she looks at him.

"Doc says I'm not allowed to bring you -"

"Fuck Doc!"

"He's not into me," at least this gets Nikki to laugh as he sits beside her, pulling her close. "He's making me bring Tommy."

"They don't know why you're really going, do they?" Nikki snorts, and Lola's answering, affirming laugh, is dark.

"Please, please Doc," she sniffled, voice snapping to a mocking immitaion of her earlier phonecall with the manager, voice faux sweet and helpless, "I just wanna see his final resting place, he's my dad, I just- please I need closure." Her laughter, when she snaps out of the ruse, is mean and triumphant and Nikki wouldn't lie and say he didn't miss the bitter and manipulative streak she'd had in her youth.

"Of course Tommy knows how to say no to you when you wanna go off the rails," Nikki snickers sarcastically as his hand finds its way beneath her shirt, nails dragging down her chest. Arching sharply, Lola gasps, turns a smile on him that's all teeth and pupils blown wide.

Part of him knows its unhealthy to encourage her like this, but part of it feels like a form of catharsis for him too.

"I'm gonna burn her house to the ground," Lola's voice is a growl, all enticing in ways that that statement absolutely shouldn't be, but the idea of Lola silhouetted against a house fire that she'd started - fuck.

There's not even a moment to breathe, to process, before she's straddling him, knowing exactly what her words were doing to him.

"You sick fuck," Lola's grinning as she palms his half-hard cock through his jeans, "you get off to the idea of me setting fires?"

"Fire, revenge, you; you tell me you're gonna rob that bitch at gunpoint first and I won't last much longer," Nikki grins, and when Lola laughs, he brings her in to kiss her, raking his nails down her back, the physical reminder of her childhood. Lola's eyes light up at the touch, and she's lighting fast, her hands in his hair, pulling sharply. Then, her teeth on his neck, his collar, his shoulder, hands shaking and tugging at clothes.

They fuck right on the sofa, biting hard enough to bruise, to bleed, the first time Lola's fucked anyone since she'd recieved all the news. She's intense, ferocious, pins Nikki and rides him while she leaves grazes down his sides, but comes on her back, hands tied above her head, screaming his name, his teeth on her collar hard enough that he tastes blood, her hands pulling his hair.

When she comes down, Nikki sees the way her eyes are misting over as she stares at the ceiling.

"Lo?"

"Yeah?" She turns to look at him with a genuinely affectionate smile that he hadn't been expecting. Whatever he was going to ask, going to say, it leaves him, doesn't want to ruin the moment.

"Wish I could be there," he tells her, and Lola actually bites her lip, looks overhis naked, bruised body, and grins.

"I wish you could too, if this is how you get over the mere thought of it."

Nikki is the first to stand, brings her bandaids and cream for her collar, and a drink for the both of them as they wait for Tommy to come pick her up. He's not long, but Lola dresses herself before the doorbell is rung, and Nikki grins at the idea that if they had gone for round two, Tommy probably would have been able to hear them practically tearing each other apart.

"Give that bitch hell," Nikki grins, planting a kiss on Lola's lips as she picks up her backpack, "and call me for bail money; those other fuckers wouldn't get it." He grins.

"Fuck, I love you." Lola laugh appreciatively, and its the most genuine smile he's seen on her in a long while.

But Lola knows that Tommy probably won't be so easily convinced; however, Tommy's always been weak for her, and Lola's always known exactly how to push his buttons.

They fly that night, first class, first flight to Boston that Doc could book, and Lola does an incredible job pretending that she's not absolutely hammered at all times. Getting there doesn't matter, she doesn't mind Tommy's hand in hers as they go through security, curling up by him in first class, letting him choose the accommodation.

"What's the plan?" Tommy asks, on his side, facing Lola, who lies on her back, staring up at the roof. She's fidgetting, being avoidant, and Tommy's voice turns gentle and a little needy, "please Lols?"

"I'm not here for my dad," and she makes it sound like a nervous admission, like she's letting him in on some terrible, which okay, technically she is, but she's putting on a show she knows he'll be more receptive to. "I'm here for... I know its extreme, okay, I know, but after everything she's put me through... Tommy, I just... I'm gonna kill her," Lola tells him with a sniffle, glad Tommy can't pick up on the insincerity in her sob story routine. It's this exact moment that Tommy's pretty sure this is the worst thing Lola's ever roped him into in his entire life. He's never seen Lola mad enough to kill before; he's never been actively scared of what she might do, but here they are.

"Probably... that's probably not the best move, Lols," he tries, being as gentle as he can.

"You and Nikki put out cigarettes on yourselves," Lola adds a sniffle for effect, "and set your clothes on fire for kicks, but you can't even begin to fathom what it's like to be held down and set alight by the person who was meant to love you, who you loved because you didn't know anything else, anything better, even though she blamed you for the death of the person you both loved dearly," the words spill from her like a torrential downpour, having been held inside for so long she physically couldn't keep them back anymore, and the act became less of an act as she poured forth the truth she hadn't known she'd been keeping inside, "you, Tommy, lived in a white picket haven; your parents, who love you, love me, love fucking Nikki, who hit on your mother in front of your father, you couldn't even for a second imagine that they'd ever hate you." Tommy keeps his mouth shut, doesn't even begin to know what to say, but Lola's not done, now actually, and honestly, crying, "I doubted it for so long because of what Irene told me, but finally, fucking finally, I can start believing my memories of him are true, that all my father cared about was my happiness, but I'm gonna level with you dude, for the seven and a half fucking years since he left, right up until I met Nikki, I wasn't. From nine to sixteen I was a miserable wreck, convinced that my ungrateful behaviour had broken the kindest person I knew, driven away the only person who seemed to care about me, my own fucking father, so excuse me, Tommy, if I feel like murdering the woman who ground my self worth into the dust and literally tortured me." Lola flipped angrily to her side, away from Tommy, fluffing her pillow angrily. "I should have brought Nikki."

Its a low move, she's never directly compared any of them, or made preference of one over the other. Sure they'd made assumptions, but Lola had always been quick to dispell accusations of favouritism. Showing of the scars on her back only added insult to injury now, and when she felt him gently rest his palm flat on her back, she knew she'd one.

"I think I get it," Tommy finally agrees, though he still hesitates, "are you- are you really gonna kill her?"

"I'm gonna set her house on fire."

Its easier for Tommy to swallow than murder, and he shuts up for the rest of the night. He's quiet the next day, distant, and they get breakfast at a diner and he won't even look at her.

"Tommy," her voice is gentle over her blueberry pancakes, "baby -"

"Why'd you lie to me? About why we're here?" He snaps it, and Lola sits back, eyebrows raised, mouth agape.

"I told you last night -"

"No, I know that, why didn't you tell me straight up?"

Lola splutters, tries to give him some half-assed apology, some line about Doc, but Tommy just rolls his eyes, crosses his arms.

"Its like you get off on manipulating me."

"Why would you even -?!" Lola tries, but Tommy's clearly spent more time thinking about it than she'd given him credit for.

"Whatever, this clearly isn't the fucking time or place; I won't leave and I won't fuckin' snitch, because I don't do that, but you know, I know you'd only try and pit me against Nikki if you needed something really fucking awful from me, and," he gestures widely, expression unamused, "here we are."

He leaves her in the diner, tells her to get whatever she needs ready during the day, because at ten at night, he's picking her up, and they're going to Lola's mom's house.

"That's not the plan," Lola tries to tell him as he's leaving, but Tommy turns, slams his hands against the table.

"It is the plan if you want a getaway driver." And he's not going to stay to argue.

Lola gets;

- a flare gun

- drunk

And when Tommy picks her up, he can feel how worked up she is, but can see her holding it all in. She doesn't talk to him except to give directions, map in hand, flare gun in her lap.

"How'd you find her address?" Tommy finally breaks his own silence, voice tight.

"Doc's folder." Is the only information she gives, jaw set in a firm line.

They pull up at ten thirty, with Lola triple-checking the gun. Silently, the sit in the car for almost a full minute as Lola looks at the white picket fence, at the light on in the upstairs window.

"Don't do this," Tommy muttered, and Lola swallows hard.

"If you don't want to be here, leave." She tells him flatly'and opens the door. Tommy stays in the car.

Lola's banging on the door loud enough that its sure to wake the whole neighborhood, hollering, damnding Irene come out and face her.

"Get off my property; I'm calling the police," comes a timid voice from the other side of the door.

"Irene I know that's you, you fucking coward!" Lola slams her fist into the door again and again, her other hand shaking where she's gripping the flare gun like a lifeline.

"Who the heck are you? What do you want?" To Lola's surprise, there's a second voice, deep and masculine, but clearly concerned. Lola stops, and her expression twist from surprised to furious.

"Who the heck am I? Who the hell are you?! I'm her fucking daughter is who I am!"

This is met with silence as Lola's words hang heavy in the air. Slowly, so slowly its almost glacial, the door opens, and Tommy waits with wide eyes and baited breath. Behind the door stands a broad shouldered, clean faced man, holding a baseball bat as he pulls the door open.

And then, behind him, there's Irene; gentle-eyed and portly, with crows feet and frown lines. Shorter than Lola, there's something about the set of her mouth that's familiar, the shape of her eyes, the dead straightness of her black hair; she and Lola look like they're related, but the parental resemblance isn't there like it is with Lola's father. 

It's a deer in the headlights reaction, seeing her daughter, seeing the ghost of her husband, and she looks half ready to scream.

"Kaitie, I thought you were dead." 

And even Tommy hears it where Lola's left her window open. He's hand his head resting against the steering wheel, but when he turns, he sees Lola swaying on the spot, frozen.

"Katie?" Irene tries again, emboldened by Lola's unmoving state, moving past the man in the doorway.

"That's not my name," Lola stumbles back the moment Irene, in her soft, lilac dressing gown, comes into view, "that was never my name you crazy fucking bitch."

"Watch your language," the man in the doorway responds automatically, tightening his grip on his baseball bat.

"What are you gonna do? Fucking beat me to death?" And Lola laughs, loud, angry, and delirious, "you know she tormented me for seven years and set me on fire, right? Who even the fuck are you?"

"Katie -"

Lola's arm raises, flare gun in hand, leveled at Irene's chest.

"Call me Katie one more time, I dare you." And she's crying, her voice is thick with tears, her hand is shaking. Everything about her is shaking.

"Please do not point a gun at my wife," the man says carefully, and so Lola turns it on him.

"Its a flare gun."

"Its still a gun."

"You married a psychopath," Lola spat, "a violent, manipulative, delusional bitch."

"That was seven years ago," Irene's voice is gentle, "Keola, please, please, put down the gun, I've missed you, I'm sorry, I just-"

"You can't just apologise," Lola sobbed, dropping her arm, and the gun along with it, shaking like a leaf, "you can't erase the years of abuse with an apology! You can't pretend I'm dead just to play happy families!" She turned on the man now, "do you even know what she did?"

"I was her nurse on the ward -"

"And you married her?!" Lola shouted, anger and disbelief loud enough for the whole street to hear. A light switches on upstairs. Tommy can spot stars stuck to the ceiling through window. Fuck.

"When properly medicated, she's a wonderfully kind and loving person -"

"Shut the fuck up. Shut up right now." Lola drops the gun, and it clatters to the ground as she angrily rubs at her eyes.

"Mom, what's happening?" A voice asks from just beyond the door, and Lola freezes.

"Nothing, Milo," Irene bends reflexively as she turns, soft smile gracing her face, "just a lost soul needing a little help. Go back to bed."

Lola feels like she's going to throw up. Tommy can't sit by any longer, and is bounding from the car, sliding across the hood to join Lola, his arm around her.

"With all due respect, which is fucking none," Tommy wraps his arms around Lola, looking unflinchingly into Irene's eyes, "what the fuck and how fucking dare you?"

"Language -" Irene's husband tries fruitlessly, as Irene cuts in.

"And who the heck are you?"

"Someone who actually cares about your daughter, you spineless bitch." Tommy snarls, and Lola takes refuge in him, overwhelmed and distraught, she presses her sobbing face to his chest. "You gonna set that one on fire too?" He snapped, gesturing to the half closed door where he presumed Milo had been standing. Both Irene and her husband looked horrified, aghast, all but shouting angry protests. "Then what made Lola special?!" And he tugs Lola's shirt up at the back, reveals the thick and angry scarring that resided there, and finally Irene is brought to tears.

"Lola?" She asks softly, and even her husband seems surprised by her change of demeanor. "Leo used to call her that." She sniffles, and Tommy is absolutely floored. "Can I call you that? Lola?" She asks gently, and Lola's head turns, expression furious.

"Only if you want me to burn down your fucking house."

Irene nods, far less hostile than she had been earlier. Her husband looks lost.

"Keola... I'm sorry." And it sounds honest, sounds genuine, and Lola, at least, has stopped crying so hard with her face against Tommy's chest once more. "Sweetheart I'm so so sorry," and her eyes are misting up, "but I'm so grateful for this miracle; never thought God would grant me the chance to make it up to you."

Slowly, so slowly, Lola turns, absolute disgust, loathing, written all over her face.

"You can't." And she moves from Tommy's arms, stalking towards the pair, who were regarding her with all new fear. "You will never be able to attone for the shit you put me through, you know that? You can play happy little fucking families forever knowing that I'm out there hating your guts and never forgiving you, be born again, worship a bullshit God who you think is just, and know that if Jesus died for the sins of humanity, then you're absolutely going to hell, you cruel, inhumane woman." Irene was crying at Lola's words, though she didn't seem close to slowing down. "Yeah, a lot can change in seven years, right? Seven years since you've seen me? That's exactly how long you spent blaming and punishing me for my father's death. It's a long fucking time."

"I shouldn't have -"

"No fucking shit!" Lola cried, disbelieving grin on her face as she throws her arms out to the sides. Finally, she turns on Irene's husband; "if you care about your son, don't die and leave her in charge." With that, Lola turns, doesn't watch her mother collapse in the doorway'sobbing and distraught. Tommy is silent as he follows Lola to the car.

Driving away, he's not quite sure what to say, but as soon as they get back to the hotel, Lola bursts into tears, curling up in thr passenger seat. Tommy sits quietly, a war waging within him as he wanted to comfort her, despite how disgusted he was with how she'd treated him. Lola cries. Tommy grips the steering wheel in a white-knuckled grip. They don't speak for the rest of the trip.

"I think we should take a break." Tommy tells Lola when he drops her off at her house. She's been subdued the entire trip since seeing Irene, drinking steadily but not heavily, not going anywhere or saying anything.

"I'm bad for you." Lola agrees, voice cracking. "Worse than anything else."

"Yeah, you are." Tommy agrees. "And we all do some awful shit." He adds. Lola swallows thickly.

"I know." After a deep breath, she reaches for the handle of the door, "I am sorry, genuinely, for what it's worth." And she leaves. Nikki's not home, she doesn't care where he is, just sits in the shower, dissociating and crying in equal measure.

A violent, manipulative, delusional bitch. That's what she'd called Irene; they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and in Lola's case, she's sure its just plopped straight down.

[ofmythsandmadness]

i wanna dance with somebody...

...who loves me.

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PAIRING: diego hargreeves x reader. WARNINGS: honestly, not much - there’s a few swear words, maybe.  WORD COUNT: 1255 PROMPTS: 34. “are you drunk?” “off my love for you? one hundred percent.” 62. “have I ever told you how beautiful you are?”

BUY ME A COFFEE HERE. | CHECK OUT MY OTHER WRITINGS HERE.

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She’s spinning.

He told her that it was a bad idea, that it will only make her throw up, but there was no reasoning with her intoxicated mind. And so she spins. She's drifting in stumbled circles, her laughter echoing through the small living room and bouncing off the walls, trapped in the tiny room. It's haunting, and beautiful, and all those stupid things he would never say allowed. She hates her laugh, but he adores it, and at that moment he wants to die only hearing that sound, the little hiccuping giggles and snorts of pure joy.

Her hands are raised above her head and her body twirls and twists and it’s almost beautiful, the drunken ballet she pulls off - even though she looks ridiculous and crazy and he would think it stupid, if it was not her doing it. As it is, he can't take his eyes off her.

He wishes he could be as happy as her. Or maybe just half that. Half that carefree, half of that laughter sending shivers down his spine. How long has it been, since he's laughed that hard?

They both had too much to drink. But where alcohol raises her spirits, it brings him all the way back down. Makes his misery rise to the top and drowns any good thoughts with the reminder of his own self-hatred. He becomes self-reflective and then self-destructive, seizing his insecurities and making them ever so much worse than when he’s sober. It’s a silent tragedy building in his mind, and Diego can only breathe through it, downing more and more of the liquid poison as though it’ll make things better. He’s staring forward, watching her, but as the daze grows his eyes glaze over and he only sees her shimmering, shaky silhouette amongst the blur. And then he’s sucking in a breath, trying to control himself but-

“-come dance!”

He’s broken out of the daze, forced back into reality by her voice. Her sweet, sweet, voice. In the mere seconds of his broken reverie, Diego had missed her ceasing her moves and springing over to him. Her hands extend and they towards his own. A bright smile dances up her lips. An angel, in the form of a snarky, extremely drunk woman who dares to say she loves him.

He shakes his head. "Sorry," he murmurs, downing yet another gulp of poison. He barely feels the sting as it goes down. “I can’t dance.”

“Ha, right. Bulllll-shit.”

“That’s the tru-”

-she’s laughing, cutting him off with a teasing remark of, ‘there’s no way you move like that in your little leather getup and you can’t dance'.

She pauses, waiting for him to just so gently break a smile before asking again. "Come on, baby.” Her hands press against his, pulling slightly. “Dance with me.”

She has a point - though she does not know it. Diego can dance, at least he could long ago. Memories dance in his mind, flashing images of Grace holding him, smiling gently as she guided him across the kitchen floor. His father had scorned it but he always appreciated her teachings, finding it a reliever of his real life. Took him away, at least for a little while.

But he has not danced in far too many years to count, and besides. He has already said no, he can not just give in now. And the insecurities still pull him down, dragging him into the depths, forcing his head under so he can’t breathe, so that all he can do is flounder haplessly.

“Baby…”

He makes the mistake of looking up again and immediately regrets it. She is glowing. Her lips pout as she looks down at him, but they still hint at a joke he has not latched onto yet. Her face is coated with a thin sheen of sweat and her hair’s going in every which direction, but right then, he truly believes she has never looked prettier. How can he say no to such an angel?

Diego chuckles, glancing away if only to save himself. Just then, she was like those sirens, pulling him to his death. Why is he so willing to go? “You’re too drunk.”

“Off my love for you? One hund-a-red percent.” She finds his hands again and pulls, harder that time, determination building on her face. God, he loves her. Too much. “I just want to dance with you, baby.”

“C’mon, Y/N…”

“I wanna dance, with somebody,” she chants, in a half talk, half singing voice that breaks his frown into a shy smile. “I wanna dance with somebody-yy, somebody who loo-ooves me!”

Her singing voice is terrible, but it is infectious and at that point, he could no longer hide his smile. The darkness still builds in his mind, but it is easier to push away, better to swallow back dry and forget about. As she talk-sings, his will wavers more and more, until he finally gives in and stands.

Immediately, she cheers and her hands pull him into the centre of the room. He had not even seen her move the table, but it was suddenly on the other side of the couch, giving them a whole stage to perform on. And she’s loving it; smiling from ear to ear, hands moving up his body until they intertwine around his neck. One pulls back at his insistence, though, and he moves it to hold in his. It’s almost deja vu as they assume position, only he’s no longer a small kid looking up at his mother. He’s almost a head taller than the woman in his arms, and there’s a sloppy closeness that was never there before. And a way that she touches him that heals all his wounds, tugs him away from the cliff he previously stood upon and back towards the light.

His heart’s beating harder, too, though maybe that’s just the alcohol moving to finally end him.

Her hips roll sloppily and they both struggle to stand straight, but neither one cares. What she cares about is him. It's evident in how she holds onto him, raking her eyes over him, blessing him with a stupid smile that still makes him blush like a schoolboy. It makes him want to do anything, feel like he could do anything - wrestle a bear, climb a mountain, swim to the darkest depths just to ensure she would never lose that crazy grin.

As he spins her around, her eyebrows raise. “Ooh, wee…you’ve been holdin’ out on me, baby.”

“Shud’up.”

“No, look at you!” she sings. Her hands dance and trace swirls into the back of his neck; he shivers. “You’re fucking incredible!”

He feels his cheeks run hot. Compliments were never easy, but when they come from her, teasing and light, he knows he’s a lost cause. Diego mumbles something back, but he can hardly process the words.

Y/N smirks even harder. She knows what she’s doing, surely. She has to. She moves in closer, pulling her hand away from his so it can join the other around his neck. Suddenly, his are on her hips and the two of them are spinning slowly like those middle school slow dances he never got to go to. He really can’t breathe, at that point, not with her looking up at him with those big eyes and teasing grin. He really knows nothing about astronomy, but in that moment they are two stars locked in orbit, left to twirl around one another in the midst of inky black space. And she’s glowing hotter and brighter than ever, so much that he can hardly stand there with her- but he has to, because she fuels him. Keeps him smiling, keeps him holding onto that feeling of forever floating off the ground.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” she mumbles, suddenly quieting down. Her smile is no longer a smirk but it’s gentle and sweet, telling him her words are genuine. She stumbles slightly, but is easily adjusted by him. “You’re so, so beautiful, baby. How’d I get this lucky-y?”

“You’re-you're crazy.”

“Hey, no no no-oo,” she hums. “I mean that, Diego. You’re - you’re - you’re fucking amazing-g-g.”

Her breath dances across his skin before her lips find his, pressing sweetly before slipping away. She moves just the slightest bit away, just enough so he can see her big, wide eyes, take in every fleck and speck of colour swirling. He’s floating higher and higher, and she’s coming with him - she’s pulling him up, really, and they might fly into the fucking sun but he could not care less. Just so long as he has her.

“And not to mention, your dance moves, I mean-”

-it’s then that he cannot bear it any longer, and finally Diego tugs her into him and finally kisses her, properly. Diego was never too good with words - not sober, and definitely not drunk off his ass, but he hopes in some way or another she somehow understands how much he loves her through that kiss.

And she just smiles.