#Frozen Pizza Review

[bluepoodle7]

#Kroger #HomeChef #KrogerHomeChefPepperoniAndMozzarellaFlatbreadPizza #FrozenPizzaReview

This is part 2 of the Kroger Home Chef Pepperoni And Mozzarella Flatbread Pizza and these are more images.

Part 1

#Kroger #HomeChef #KrogerHomeChefPepperoniAndMozzarellaFlatbreadPizza #FrozenPizzaReview I tried the Kroger Home Chef Pepperoni... – @bluepoodle7 on Tumblr

[seaofreverie]

Sparkstember Day 11: Angst In My Pants (The Decline And Fall Of Me)

Album two of two in the series of Sparks' immaculate new wave releases! Iconic in every way imaginable from the music to the artwork to ONE music video. I think it's more musically (and lyrically!) varied and mature in tone (besides... a couple exceptions. Yes, an album called Angst In My Pants) than its predecessor, which is a very good development. These songs will leave you chuckling and bopping along and also pondering the intricacies of human existence. Ok, maybe that's a bit of a stretch, but it can't be denied that behind much of the earnestness and theatricality here, there's lots of quite emotional, introspective and thought-provoking stuff to be found.

Thematically, this album goes everywhere. One moment we are in Sextown U.S.A, the next we're visiting Disneyland, California where we make friends among people and animals. On a more serious note though, I think the biggest emotional whiplash one could experience between different songs on an album is between Mickey Mouse and Sherlock Holmes. And yet there's still a very prominent element of humour, even in those songs that are on the more serious or dramatic end of the scale.

I said a few days ago that I'd try to return to the topic of Sparks' brand of humour and how it works, but I don't feel intelligent enough to analyse that today. And I'm pretty sure that from what I've seen, Other People And The Maels Themselves (Said It Better Than Me). So instead, as a little send-off, please remember: if a mouse can be special, well, SO CAN YOU!!! 🫵

Favourite songs (and other highlights):

Angst In My Pants: literally no other song like this one in this world. I can't tell why that is but it's just. So great

I Predict: I had a weird kind of effect where I heard this song in my early days of Sparking and it felt VEEERY familiar to me. I think it was due to the genre / style here, it reminded me of something specific, at first I thought it was very glam rock but I'm pretty sure that this is not it but something else (and I don't know what to call it in that case!). Anyway, banger song

Tarzan And Jane: whoa wait, am I already skipping to the third-to-last song on the tracklist?? I guess I am. This one's great and one of my early favs too (I wonder how long it will take until I run out of things to say about my fav songs and it all just becomes this list of 'it's very good and I like it a lot. next.')

The Decline And Fall Of Me: it's great!! I like it!! And, of course, "check out my pizzas"

Eaten By The Monster Of Love: personal reasons that lead to a printed and framed mini-comic of my making appearing on my desk, which features some of the lyrics of this song, which caused me to have it permanently stuck in my head for a pretty long period of time. And this way I ended up liking it much much more than I did in the beginning, when it still seemed somehow pretty unremarkable to me

[h--hannah--h]

In Community Shirley says how she found Leonard's youtube channel and comments "whats the point of reviewing frozen pizza."

actually reviewing frozen pizza is great, shirley, and leonard is 100% correct to do so.

personally my favorite frozen pizza is Red Baron Brick Oven Cheese Trio

Why is this pizza superior, you may ask?

First off, the crust. Out of most of the frozen pizzas I have tried this one is the most bread like (traditional pizza crust is a type of bread, usually high moisture and cooked on high heat). The outer crust of the pizza crust is nice and crunchy, and the inside is chewy but not hard to eat

Second, the sauce is a pretty simple red sauce as far as I can tell, which is optimal for a pizza in my opinion. Simple tomato sauce with herbs is best

The cheese they use is great. Mostly mozzarella with parmesan and provolone, a really great cheese blend for cheese pizza

Theres also herbs on top of the cheese as a garnish. It makes it feel fancy, I like that

Honestly a 10/10 frozen pizza. This is what other frozen pizzas should aspire for

I anyone wants me to review a different frozen pizza feel free to submit to my asks. Please keep in mind that I may be harsh (especially if its overly gimmicky like DiGiorno's pizzas, what the hell is wrong with those people). Also I will only review cheese pizza because im vegetarian and dont like vegetables on pizza (the texture makes my brain scream)

[cillixn]

Paul Dano looks like the kind of guy that would hang out/vibe with Jerma985

i’m fucking cackling dgskshs ??????????? i mean i guess???? they’re both nerdy 40 year old white men with weirdly chaotic energies and strange fanbases so ???? yeah

[beeapocalypse]

i live my life surrounded by plastic luxury. millennia old dinosaur goo turned to slick turned this pointless fucking tin holding my pointless fucking art. millions dying and i sit at my computer crying about nothing

READ THIS ARTICLE

[reviews-0f-things]

Screamin' Sicilian reg. Size frozen pizza

It's a tasty one with loads of pepperoni which has a little kick to it. Decent crust & cheese but the pepperoni is clearly the highlight. Kinda pricey, but I'd get it again.

Screamin' Sicilian Calzone single serve

Stuffed with that spicy pepperoni, pizza sauce and mozzarella and provolone cheese, this was a surprisingly tasty Calzone. The provolone adds a little chew and heft and the pastry is quite good. I'd get it again.

Screamin' Sicilian "I'm Single" single serving size pizza

Featuring sliced and cubed pepperoni on a kind of flatbread with mostly mozzarella cheese (apparently there's some Romano cheese as well). Neither the sliced nor cubed pepperoni have much flavour, despite having a fair amount of each. The cheese has no flavour, and the flatbread is dense and flavourless. What pizza sauce there is (which isn't much) don't help. All around disappointing. One of the worst single serve pizza offerings out there. Boo.

[castwavestudios]

On this ooze-filled episode of Two Fat Guys Eat, we dive deep into our nostalgia and try the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem" tie-in pizzas! We discuss our love for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, their weird items from the late 80's/early 90's (can you say green vanilla pudding pies from Hostess?) and where does this particular brand of pizza falls on the frozen food scale of edibility?

Even though this episode is not sponsored by Nickelodeon or any company under the AMPTP, we would ask that with the ongoing Writers Guild of America, East and SAG-AFTRA strikes, we hope you will donate to either the Entertainment Community Fund and/or share the strike sites for both the WGA and SAG-AFTRA on social media to help their cause.

Listen to the episode on Spotify!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts!

Listen to the episode on YouTube!

[moonlightvintage92]

Palermo's Philly Steak Pizza Review

This pizza is absolutely delicious. The sauce is white sauce which is full of flavor. The cheese is also good, but it doesn’t hurt to add extra mozzarella. The toppings were a little disappointing, there wasn’t enough steak and peppers for the pizza. I give this pizza 4 out of 5 stars ✩✩✩✩

[feminist-space]

"Now, already experiencing the clawing pangs of contractions, she pulled out a frozen pizza and a salad with creamy everything dressing, savoring the hush that fell over the house, the satisfying crunch of the poppy seeds as she ate.

Horton didn’t realize that she would be drug tested before her child’s birth. Or that the poppy seeds in her salad could trigger a positive result on a urine drug screen, the quick test that hospitals often use to check pregnant patients for illicit drugs.

Many common foods and medications — from antacids to blood pressure and cold medicines — can prompt erroneous results.

The morning after Horton delivered her daughter, a nurse told her she had tested positive for opiates. Horton was shocked. She hadn’t requested an epidural or any narcotic pain medication during labor — she didn’t even like taking Advil. “You’re sure it was mine?” she asked the nurse.

If Horton had been tested under different circumstances — for example, if she was a government employee and required to be tested as part of her job — she would have been entitled to a more advanced test and to a review from a specially trained doctor to confirm the initial result.

But as a mother giving birth, Horton had no such protections. The hospital quickly reported her to child welfare, and the next day, a social worker arrived to take baby Halle into protective custody.

...

To report this story, The Marshall Project interviewed dozens of patients, medical providers, toxicologists and other experts, and collected information on more than 50 mothers in 22 states who faced reports and investigations over positive drug tests that were likely wrong. We also pored over thousands of pages of policy documents from every state child welfare agency in the country.

Problems with drug screens are well known, especially in workplace testing. But there’s been little investigation of how easily false positives can occur inside labor and delivery units, and how quickly families can get trapped inside a system of surveillance and punishment.

Hospitals reported women for positive drug tests after they ate everything bagels and lemon poppy seed muffins, or used medications including the acid reducer Zantac, the antidepressant Zoloft and labetalol, one of the most commonly prescribed blood pressure treatments for pregnant women.

After a California mother had a false positive for meth and PCP, authorities took her newborn, then dispatched two sheriff’s deputies to also remove her toddler from her custody, court records show. In New York, hospital administrators refused to retract a child welfare report based on a false positive result, and instead offered the mother counseling for her trauma, according to a recording of the conversation. And when a Pennsylvania woman tested positive for opioids after eating pasta salad, the hearing officer in her case yelled at her to “buck up, get a backbone, and stop crying,” court records show. It took three months to get her newborn back from foster care.

Federal officials have known for decades that urine screens are not reliable. Poppy seeds — which come from the same plant used to make heroin — are so notorious for causing positives for opiates that last year the Department of Defense directed service members to stop eating them. At hospitals, test results often come with warnings about false positives and direct clinicians to confirm the findings with more definitive tests.

Yet state policies and many hospitals tend to treat drug screens as unassailable evidence of illicit use, The Marshall Project found. Hospitals across the country routinely report cases to authorities without ordering confirmation tests or waiting to receive the results."

Read the full piece here: https://www.themarshallproject.org/2024/09/09/drug-test-pregnancy-pennsylvania-california

[beefrobeefcal]

It's time for the first beefSurprise!

This is a fun activity for me to truly connect me to my muse. And y'all here in the Bistro get to help me! See under the cut for funzies.

Yours in blessed sin,

Beefro👌🥩💜

I wanted to honor the man who has inspred us all in this community to write filth, think filth, be filth... and what better way to do that than by reviewing his favourite frozen pizza? Comments, discourse and opinions are welcome!

in case you missed it or forgot, see below:

[anopenbookunderlockandkey]

The 118 Sauce Chat

Eddie: I definitely make spaghetti sauce extremely wrong but I’m not going to stop

Chim: please elaborate on the wrong way to make spaghetti sauce; it sounds highly entertaining?

Eddie: 1 chop onion and put in a pot

Eddie: Add 1 or 2 cans of diced tomatoes. Whatever makes the ratio of onion look right.

Eddie: Add a ridiculous amount of frozen peas. Peas should make up a notable portion of this sauce.

Eddie: Add frozen corn also if you wanna be real fancy. If I have bacon I’ll ad that too. But I very rarely have bacon.

Eddie: Cook on HIGH

Eddie: While sauce is cooking, grab the nearest bottle of mixed spices that isn't obviously for desserts. Add some. How much? I dunno, enough that you feel like you've added seasoning so it's technically cooking. (For me this is most often a mix called Moroccan, but it could be anything. Buck reorganised my kitchen recently so tonight it was something called Pizza Topping.)

Eddie: If you happen to have green herbs lying around, add those too. Whatever you have on hand that's green

Eddie: Let the sauce boil on HIGH until all the water is gone. Stir occasionally so the saucepan will be easier to clean later. Serve on cooked spaghetti noodles with no cheese

Eddie: Today I added a new step called "while the sauce is cooking, duck out for 15 seconds to text the group chat about spaghetti sauce, then get distracted and forget you are cooking." This adds a novel Extremely Burnt edge to the flavour profile.

Chim: I am not Italian, or of Italian descent by *any* stretch of the imagination.

I am also not one of those "cooking purists", who believes that everything must be done in a specific/ traditional way (unless you are making a cooking video with the title "how to make x" in which case if you don't specify mid video that your way is not traditional god help you).

I am a firm believer in "If it tastes good, then it is correct for you".

Chim: Except in this case

Bobby: This hurts every cooking bone in my body. The latent ancestors in my soul. The judgmental elf in my brain just bit a cyanide capsule

Hen: Why? The spices.

Using a different spice mix every time, based on what is ready at hand just ... hurts

Eddie: *sends SPICE IS SPICE meme*

Ravi: absolutely deranged, Eddie. Food crimes.

Bobby: Hey Eddie, looks like you forgot to mention the part where you obviously sweated the onions, because nobody would make spaghetti sauce that had straight up raw onions boiled in tomato juices.

Bobby: RIGHT????

Bobby: Please Eddie

Eddie: I don’t know what sweating the onions means

Hen: It means. It means you cook em a little in a pan with a bit of oil first

Eddie: A pan? How many dishes do you want me to have to wash here?

Hen: I mean you can also do it in the same pot you're making the spaghetti sauce in! The important thing is the onions get a little cooked before the wet stuff goes in, so they're not so wet and limp and boiled....

Eddie: Honestly this depends entirely on whether I remember to chop an onion first or I find the can opener for the tomatoes first. The ingredients go in in whatever order they go in.

Ravi: Eddie, who hurt you???

Eddie: A pack of wild chefs herded my mother off a cliff

Chim: Theres probably a hit out on you for this

Eddie: What kind of stupid idiot would waste money assassinating someone who's so clearly going to accidentally poison themself for free at some point

Bobby: hi Eddie, big fan of your firefighting, this is the sauce equivalent of the running up a metal ladder in a lightning storm to try to pull up a 6’0” tall man instead of lowering him to the ground

-Athena

Eddie: Athena, that is the meanest review my cooking has ever received

Chim: congratulations you found the worst way to do it! this feels like a spaghetti recipe made by AI before it got really sophisticated

-Maddie

Eddie: this group chat’s hate mail game is insane

Ravi: at this point please just eat every ingredient raw… please

Eddie: Do I look like Tony Abbott to you

Buck: As a former Committer of Food Crimes, I have decided to make this sauce this weekend after I have a chance to go to the store. I will report back.

Eddie: Excellent, I look forward to vindication.

Hen: No one's going to vindicate your boiled onion in cinnamonny tomato juice on noodles, Eddie

Eddie: Not cinnamon. Cinnamon is a dessert spice. You use the nearest non-dessert spice.

Ravi: cinnamon is absolutely not a dessert spice

Eddie: Yes it is! It's for muffins and pancakes and fruit pies!

Chim: Cinnamon powder is absolutely a dessert “spice” and Eddie if your cooking is this bad I can’t imagine your baked abominations

Eddie: I put lemon juice in everything I bake that isn't bread

Written for the only two gremlins (endearment) who find this as entertaining as I do @professionalprocrastinator22 and @gravelyhalversobbing

Inspired by:

[bluepoodle7]

#Kroger #HomeChef #KrogerHomeChefBreakfastFlatbreadPizza #FrozenPizzaReview

I tried the Kroger Home Chef Breakfast Flatbread Pizza and it was pretty good.

This pizza was convection ovened and later microwaved.

The flatbread was firm and soft in texture.

This breakfast flatbread pizza was airy and light while not heavy doughy tasting.

The cheddar cheese was melted and had a sharp cheddar cheese taste.

When I tasted this flatbread pizza I didn't taste any sauce but the melted cheddar cheese acted like a sauce.

The scrabbled eggs had a light eggy taste that wasn't seasoned but seems the sausage bits with the cheddar cheese and bacon bits helped seasoned the egg pieces.

The sausage was firm and chewy while also well seasoned.

The bacon bits were lightly smoky in taste and crunchy in texture.

This breakfast flatbread pizza was lightly salty.

I would eat this again.

Got at the Kroger refrigeration area with other pizza's, flatbread pizzas, and calzone.

[cherriebbyyyy]

My dear Snoopy the only merch of him I got / other than the plush found 💀

Anyways below is my debrief of my LVGP experience 💖💖💖

Anyways this was my first LVGP and I know for a fact I will be returning to LVGP next year so worth it and hopping I can get more girlies to come and split it so hotel is a bit cheaper

First love how F1-ified everything is like I was in Vegas earlier this year and saw like a few things here and there I loved the Extra promo they had around.

Now to the weather idk if I’m like used to this specific kind of chill ? Or since we were legging it the entire day we just stayed warm but all the vids complaining about the cold had me a little peeved because I cancelled my pool club plans the day b4 when I actually probably would have enjoyed lounging and day drinking, (also to note I had a spirit personal item aka basically a jansport) so space was v limited and didn’t want to waste space in a swim suit + cover up)

Anyways went to the Free Fan Experience that I had gotten b4 I even got my GP ticket manifesting hard being in Vegas. And for a free event it was pretty cool based like the f1 academy was a cool demo, I did the pit stop challenge which was really fun and tiring, while it was just one lug nut I have a new found respect for it, but lowkey alpine should hire me I would have been ready for Estie and had a 6.27 time change.

Looped around the hub a few times and line was LONGGGGGGGG and had a feeling snoopy was also no longer in stock so we didn’t get in line and stopped for food at the restaurant that was basically at the end of the hub line, Had 3/5 chicken wings before I felt like I was getting sick was also drinking like blue lemonade daiquiri not sure what it was but I did vomit it up before even leaving the restaurant so …. Yeah and it was the only thing I had eaten since breakfast but I felt better after because I am queen of Rallying and at this point I am wearing kitten heals so feet are hurtinggggg but we continue and stop at Walgreens where I say Hi to the redbull boys as Max and Checo cutouts great us I buy the foot pain / freeze thing, a sugar free Red Bull, and a buzz ball as we head back to our hotel and I Take the L and buy $20 slides and the gift shop and finally also check in.

All this took btwn when we landed at 11am -4pm on foot and I wish I wore an Apple Watch to get my steps but I know I got a few miles in

Obvi freshen up take note that I have 2 blisters one on each foot and one was already popped !!! Yay.

Relax for a bit after showing put the foot stuff on and get the kitten heals back on because the show goes on. (I pregame my drinks the Red Bull is giving me wings)

We do a few loops and get extra steps in because we are just girls who can’t get instructions correctly 🤗😓 I can carry a pretty good speed walk tho and my friend wore docs she’s also slightly handicapped as we enter the Venetian once again and stop by the hub to see no line and it’s about 7:30 pm we go in and no snoops of course we we just buy malbon crew necks and grab our Amex radios as we get lost in the Venetian trying to go to the sphere zone 💀💀💀 and just barley as we scan out tickets in see the end of the drivers parade.

Food Review that was included w/ ticket

1. All food was Luke warm

2. Had a slice of the cheese pizza it was a 6/10 felt like a frozen pizza that was reheated

3. ‘Savory Pie’ it a chicken pot pie 7/10 this one actually had potential I think would have 10/10 if it was actually hot/warm

4. S’more brownie thing 8/10 very good and decadent

None of the food made me sick so that was a win!

Now drinks in my opinion the should have had a separate line for ppl who didn’t want alcohol anyways the cocktail bar area personally need to be ran better my bartender was like low on supplies and I orders a vodka Red Bull and he had to go look for one and then like told be if I wanted to try it w/ a splash of Jarrito which I said yes but then he also had to look for it so it was like ???? If it wasn’t ready why offer it to me like just taking too long to make a vodka redbull imo. Came back later during the race and wanted a cocktail but even tho the lines were shorter they were takinggggg forever so I just I just got a Heineken from their bar instead way faster.

Now since I got my ticket very last minute, I didn’t really see the vents they were going to be holding before the race so when Ludacris came on best believe I was having a good time! Like his set really hyped up the crowd! He was playing for the ladies which I always appreciate. When baby came on the three other girls in our section, also screamed and we all sang along. Low-key some people gave us a little looks when we sang/ vibing out the songs but also what else are we supposed to do be miserable waiting for the race to start no. Like Move Bitch GET OUT THE WAYYYY was playing during the warm-up laps like having Luda play in the background as the cars went was amazing!! Also I stayed in the same area the entire time next time if I go for all three days my Explorer better options in the zone to see because it was pretty full when the race started, but as it kept going, people dispersed, and some came back and some just left but it was good enough and so crazy to see the actual gaps btwn the cars like 3-5 seconds is actually really long when you watch them zoom also for me it helped knowing who had what color camera on there car like Carlos having the neon yellow and Charlie having black one so when I wasn’t paying attention to the commentary I knew who was passing in front of me. And then on that note the transmission on the radios was a few minutes behind the live race and the audio in the zone also I wish there was a screen so we could keep up with the race and not have to be constantly checking my phone / watching a live stream eating up my phone battery.

Loved the section of ppl we were with because Ferrari based but also pro spanish speaker like I think when Carlos overtook Charles I cheered when they passed us again and quite a few ppl joined in and I was like “Checo common bud we need to do better” and ppl started talking about yeah Checo let’s go! And the next few laps we all cheered for them and colapinto as well that someone else in the section was rallying for and it was just fun cheeeing as they passed like even though they can’t hear us just good vibes in the GA stands

My friend is a Lewis Hamilton stan so we were very happy with the finish and around the last 3 laps we were just singing Viva Las Vegas because Carlos was also on Podi and Max was wdc x4 and the end was great and for those moments my feet didn’t hurt but then we began the trek back and caught the fire work show outside of the Venetian which was also super cool

Skipped out on clubbing because we didn’t want to go in w/ our crew necks and even did have club clothes on the feet were starting to give but I have never been barefoot in Vegas and it was still a touch early for me to start. Got back to hotel about 12:30 ish and scrolled til like 2 and saw all the radio drama lmao and had kinda a bad sleep because I’m like princess and the pee when it comes to pillows and both the ones on my bed didn’t do it for me. Got back up at 5:30 am to get ready to checkout as we had a 7:30am flight, lemme just say Las Vegas at 6am is a very fun people watch experience as we saw other like us getting ready to leave, people bare foot coming back in, a lot of dude bros drunk still looking for the next thing, drunk ppl falling out of the uber as we got on out uber and saw the sunrise over the strip.

The flight back was nice because lots of familiar faces from the flight b4 and so manyyyy ppl in their merch, everyone in my row and I’m assuming most of the place was slumped! Like I had a moment where I woke back up and looks over to my right and the guy next to me asleep and the guy next to him not even on the tray table just fully folded over himself knocked out and closed my eyes and nodded off once again for a few before we landed and I got back home and layed down for the rest of the day as my body was so sore and I had to drain my blister yum yum.

[dreamersbcll]

Could you write a fic where Sam and Tara seem finally happy, they’ve just finished up their meal at a pizza place that is just a lil bit too cheap to not raise an eyebrow and are now walking home to their apartment before they get bombarded by conspiracy theorists. They go to hassle Sam aggressively shoving her and interrogating her before Tara charges at the theorist, knocking them over and pummelling their face with punches. This protection doesn’t come free,though as the theorists grab Tara and beat her up while same is unable to help. Sam’s guilt would drive her crazy after this

“Loomis”-

————————————————-

“You know, for someplace that only had two stars on Yelp, that hit!”

Sam threw her head back and laughed, pulling her sister in for a side hug. The pair had just finished eating at Guido’s Pizzeria, a family restaurant down the block from their new place. Tara had begged to try it, even though the Yelp reviews were dismal. So they did.

Kissing the side of Tara's head, Sam sighed. “You know, it wasn’t half-bad. The tomato sauce was a little sweet for my taste, but I’d try it again,”.

Tara hummed. “The garlic bread was good. I love garlic bread,”.

“I know you do, my love. I know you do,”.

Sam was so busy fussing with Tara's jacket that she didn’t notice the crowd of men approaching them.

That was her first mistake.

“Oh boys, look what we have here. The killer of Woodsboro!” crowed the ringleader, a shit-eating grin on his face.

Sam moved Tara behind her, eyeing the men forming a circle around her. The two sisters both had tasers and knives on them, but six full-grown men were surrounding them. They would have to be smart about this.

“I think you’ve heard wrong. I’m no such thing,” she carefully said, watching as one of the men started cracking his knuckles.

The ringleader laughed again, a cold, calculated laugh. Tara gripped her wrist harder, her hands shaking. Sam stood straighter, one hand in her coat pocket, grasping the knife hiding there.

He quickly got up in Sam’s face, grinning wider at how both sisters flinched. “No, I think I’m right. You’re the bitch who murdered all those people. And enjoyed it. You’re bold to walk around this city, Sam, the murderer,”.

She bristled, eyes darkening. “I’m not my father. But if you ask nicely, I’m sure I can do a good impersonation of his work. Now back up before I make you,” she growled.

Grinning, he got nose-to-nose with Sam. “I’d like to see you try, Loomis,.”

Her second mistake was not punching him first.

Instead, chaos erupted. Within a blink of an eye, Tara jumped on the guy, screaming that she was not like her father, and pummeled him with a barrage of punches. The other guys, along with Sam, were frozen in shock, watching the man get beat up by a five-foot girl.

Her third mistake was not reacting first.

As she reached down to pull Tara off the guy, the other boys regained their confidence quicker. Two guys yanked Sam up, forcing her to her knees, her arms behind her back. The other three easily plucked Tara off their ringleader, holding her up in the air by her armpits.

The ringleader got up, wiping blood off his nose. He pointed at Sam, and she smiled at the damage Tara had done, despite the fear running through her.

“I’m surprised you let your sister hit first. Maybe you’re not your father's daughter,”.

Tara squirmed in their grip, trying to get free. The ringleader smiled a cold, bone-chilling smile. Before he spoke, Sam connected the dots on what would go down.

“But somebody has to pay for the deaths in Woodsboro. And your sister will be our penance,”.

With that, he advanced on Tara, despite Sam’s pleas and Tara's squirming. Reaching into Tara's jacket pocket, he pulled out the pocketknife.

He waved the knife in Tara's face, smirking at her eyes widened with fear. “Aw. You were gonna use this on me, weren’t you? I wish you did. It would’ve made what would happen next more fun,”.

And with that, he punched Tara in the gut, and Sam let out a scream she never knew she could make.

She doesn’t remember much after that. For every two punches they threw at Tara, one was thrown at Sam. Eventually, she lost track, and Tara stopped crying out.

They gave up after a while, throwing down Sam and letting Tara's limp body hit the ground.

Fighting the urge to black out, Sam reached out for her baby sister. Tara was covered in blood, bruising blossoming over her closed eyes. She wasn’t moving, yet Sam could tell she was still faintly breathing.

The whole image of her sister tore Sam apart. It was yet again another bloodbath she could’ve stopped.

But what made Sam’s breath catch in her throat were the words that were scratched onto her sister’s arm.

Sam Loomis

—-

Sam doesn’t remember getting to the hospital. It was all so sudden.

Flashing lights, questions, and people strapping her down into a gurney.

“I need to see my sister. I need to be by her,” she gasped, wincing as the paramedic stuck a needle in her arm.

The paramedic gently pushed her down again, silencing her. “She’s in the other vehicle. I need you to lay down, Ms. Loomis,”.

She jerked back up, crying out at the pain in her ribs. “It’s not fucking Loomis. I’m Sam, Sam Carpenter!” she spat out.

“Okay, I’m sorry, Ms. Carpenter. My mistake. It was just written on your sister’s arm, that’s all,”.

Laying back, Sam felt woozy. The medication was hitting. Was that a sedative? She hasn’t been sedated in so long. Where was Tara? She should be here.

“Loomis,” she mumbled, drifting off into a drugged sleep for the rest of the ride.

——

“Listen, if you don’t let me see my fucking sister right now, I’ll add more bodies to my list. I swear to god!”

The nurse pushed Sam back down into the bed. “I told you, I’m not afraid to restrain you. Your sister is in the ICU recovering from surgery. No guests right now. Now sit!” she said crossly.

Sam threw her hands back in exasperation. “I’m already stuck in this fucking bed. I want to see her, please!”

She wasn’t above begging anymore. She was stuck in a hospital with her ribs wrapped in gauze and stitches above her eye- and heavily medicated. It wasn’t like she was going anywhere else besides her sister’s side.

“No, Sam. I’m sorry. Maybe later,” the nurse sympathetically said, closing the door softly behind her.

Groaning, Sam laid her head back against the bed. She fucked up. She fucked up tremendously. Once again, due to her lack of awareness, she had gotten the sisters into a perilous situation.

And once again, Tara was hospitalized.

It was as if Sam was incapable of being a protector. She is incapable of taking care of someone that depended on her.

Sam knew deep down that those men were right. She was a killer. She took after her father. She knew all that, and she knew it well.

But she always took pride in how much she loved Tara. How Sam could anticipate her needs, calm her fears, and make Tara feel loved. She knew she could provide that stable love and home Tara craved and deserved.

Yet again, Sam repeatedly proves to the world that she’s a complete and total fuck-up. Unable to take care of the one person who truly matters. She was a failure in all accounts of the world.

She kept her eyes closed and breathed slowly. Deep down, she knew that if she looked into her reflection, she would see Billy.

And he would smile back at her, thanking her for following in his footsteps.

Sam Loomis.

[chansaw]

i’m starting a review series of gluten-free frozen pizzas, because i’ve been trying a lot of different brands lately and want to log my findings.

first up: freschetta’s four cheese pizza!

instructions said to cook for 10-13 minutes, and i know my oven is on the more powerful side so i went with 10 but it still came out a little overly crispy… not a bad thing at all, especially when it comes to gluten free crusts where the crispier you can get it, the better it’ll taste.

the ingredients list says the crust is made with a blend of rice flour, rice starch, tapioca starch, and whey. it was nothing special, but it still tasted a lot better than almost any GF pizza i’ve been served at restaurants, which is something. it held up structurally and didn’t crumble or sag, which counts for a lot.

8.5/10

[pudgecuddles]

Jungkook’s Fat-Filled Fad Feast

Jungkook reads in a health nut news magazine that high fat foods are good for you and helps control cholesterol. JK, who eats a ton of red meat and eggs because he’s a gym nut, latches onto the idea.

Soon he’s adding multiple avocados to his everyday diet. Some in smoothies, some in breakfast bowls, some as guacamole in burritos, etc. An extra 300 calories per large fruit, with him packing down 2-3 of the things a day.

He also heard that adding a tablespoon of olive oil a day is healthy, another 120 calories.

He snacks on an ounce of macadamia nuts between work outs, adding another 200 calories to his daily intake.

One cup of Greek yogurt in his morning shake, and a cup of the frozen variety for desert in the evening rack up an extra 440 calories.

Of course he had to have his healthy cheat foods, such as creamy cheeses and dark chocolate. An ounce of aged parmesan here (110 calories) a bar of sugar free, 70% dark chocolate there (170 calories).

Over all, he added a near additional 1,800 calories to his everyday diet, which already consisted of 3,500 calories per day on average.

The cherry on top? The same magazine that told him to consume more fat, also recommended less cardio as it puts more pressure on one’s joints in the long term.

Slowly, but steadily, his new routine catches up to him as he changes in size. His washboard abs melting into delicious subcutaneous fat, his once perky rear bloating into a wobbly, soft bubble butt.

His perfect pecks joined the rest of him in their expansion, becoming inflated pouches of fat. Nipples peeking up and poking through every shirt he owns.

His college classmates and hyungs Namjoon and Hoseok watched in confusion as their once fit friend changes into a new man over the course of the semester.

Even his football coach notices, changing his role to being a lineman, a position that requires less running around.

Jungkook, oblivious to his weight gain, and delighted by his new “healthy” lifestyle choices, starts recommending his diet to others. Including his fellow health nut classmates Namjoon and Hoseok.

Namjoon initially questions the diet’s choices, but after reviewing the science explanation in the magazine gave in and was hooked. Hoseok on the other hand has always been open to fad diets and techniques, drifting between things like keto, vegan and celiac for years prior. He didn’t even need to read the magazine to start adding avocados and Greek yogurt to his shopping list.

Even after all of that, all of the extra fats, the additional calories, his snowballing weight needed more. And well, since he’s been eating so well recently, why not have a true cheat day? Or two… or three…

Soon enough, every other day becomes a cheat day. Even inviting his now chubby Hyungs over for pizza and ice cream and fried chicken…

A full school year has gone by at this point, and there are now three permanent dips in Jungkook’s couch seats. You see, it was cheaper for Jungkook to cater to his new, more expensive diet when he had roommates…

Those roommates being the newly inflated Hoseok and Namjoon.

Both boys were squarely in the chubby category, plump and out of shape. Jungkook at this point however was bordering on being solidly fat.

The three of them spend a lot of their time on the couch binge watching old TV shows and movies, chowing down on both healthy and unhealthy fatty foods. Adding more and more calories to their daily intake as their self-control lessened by the day.

Their waistlines grew wider and their shirt tags became XXXL’s. The dips in the couch grew wider and squeakier until one day under their combined weight of 1,120 pounds the three seater gave up the ghost and collapsed.

A jostled Namjoon blinks as he looks down at his now 350 pound body, gently lifting and dropping his no longer new beer belly. Watching the mass wobble, he realized just how far gone he was. Just how heavy he’d grown, how uncomfortably large his gut was.

Shrugging, he grabbed another handful of fries. He was already so big, a little more wouldn’t hurt…

The arguably healthiest minded of the three, Hoseok also took a moment to look over his own flabby belly and wide thighs before blushing heavily and attempting to stand. Unfortunately from the current lowered state of the couch, he had quite of bit of trouble, attempting and failing to stand upright only made his heavy body bounce and jiggle. He blushed harder, panting and wiggling. What had they done?!

Jungkook didn’t even notice the couch breaking, too busy stuffing his fat face full of fried chicken, a leg in each hand as he barely took time to swallow before moving on to his next bite. He wouldn’t realize what happened until he cleared his bucket, licking the grease off his pudgy fingertips and noticing his lowered point of view.

They broke the couch?!

Huh, their bulking must be working then.

Onto dessert…