#For previous years I never did; feels old breaking such an old tradition

[reksink]

The Final Shreds of Blood, What A Delighful Battle

Attaks for @/lilyanswan, bionicgoldoff2, & metrical4 💚

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

To continue riffing on the marriage/tradition stuff because that’s one of the themes I’m obsessed with in her discography, it’s fascinating because it would be easy to reduce it to, “she’s adhering to patriarchal societal norms in chasing the traditional nuclear family and that’s why she throws herself into these relationships,” but it’s just so reductive to well, how human beings exist in the world. Just because it’s a societal pressure doesn’t mean some people don’t genuinely want to get married or have families.

Yes, she’s been singing about it right back to her first album when she as 16. Yes, her view on it has evolved, from marrying the sweet neighbor boy to the princess fairytale early on (debut/fearless), to the disillusionment that increasingly pushed it out of the narrative (speak now/red/1989), to slowly letting herself believe in forever again (rep), to seemingly actually committed (lover), to questioning what that means (folklore/evermore) to trying to reconcile what it means for her current life (midnights). Every relationship she experienced throughout those periods informed those views and how *she* pursued it.

I think what makes it so interesting on TTPD is that it is EVERYWHERE, as I mentioned in my previous post about it. And it’s unsettling because it’s not just in the setting we expect it to be — e.g. a long term partner she’d previously indicated she was ready to marry — but also in songs about a man who swooped in to save her when she was low only to break her apart, in thinly-veiled fantasies about strange bedfellow neighbours, another thinly-veiled story about marrying the person you want consequences be damned, in taunting your on again/off again partner in a bar (e.g. i want to smash your bike or be your wife).

And it’d be easy to chalk it up to, well she’s in her 30s and the clock is ticking, she’s just obsessive! And there’s a nugget there about women and their bodies and both the lauding and weaponization thereof and everything that personally I’m dying to talk about at some point. But when it comes down to it, I’m willing to bet that the reason why it’s everywhere is because THAT WAS HER LIFE. That was the plan she’d taken for granted for so long — and I don’t just mean in a general sense as a girl in the world — but in the very real, very tangible way she was living her life and in the circumstances that led to what would be written about in TTPD. By working out all these scenarios through her songs (and tbh in whatever she was doing IRL that inspired them), she was grappling with and grieving the loss of the life she thought was ahead of her. We’ve talked about how pervasive grief has been on her recent albums, in all kinds of forms, and I think this is kind of the culmination of all of those worries.

She’s not the girl with the paper ring and all’s well did not end well to end up with him. She’s not the girl who has his midnights after cleaning up bottles on New Year’s Day. She couldn’t give him her wild or a child because it wasn’t enough. She may have even been the self-fulfilling prophecy of the girl who is fucked in the head, but feels more like the one left out on the landing.

So in TTPD, she is all of these things. She’s the neglected wife whose husband cheats on her so she runs off with an old flame. She’s the one who gets the jewel on her ring finger and talks about babies because he says it’s love. She’s the woman whose partner once made a promise but never followed through. She’s the hell-raiser who follows love in a different kind of getaway car while the town calls her mad, consequences be damned, but joke’s on them because she gets the wedding in the end anyway. She’s the wife who feeds her cheating husband to the swamps of Florida. She gets swept off her feet by an old flame to run down the aisle. SHE’S the one who gets to decide if she’s gonna marry him or decimate him (be his wife or smash his bike). She’s the girl who didn’t become the wife while she watches the one that got away marry his. She’s the woman scorned who has to call the whole thing off. She’s the saucy girl who bets her new lover is gonna marry her for real. She’s sold off as chattel to the highest bidder in an arranged marriage. She’s the young girl starry-eyed with the dreams she grew up with only to have them go up in flames, leaving only her pen behind to turn it into art.

She navigates all these scenarios because in the end, she isn’t any of them and she is all of them. She’s mourning what she gave up, mourning what she’s already lost, mourning the time she feels she wasted and could have started over. She’s mourning any number of women she could have been if she’d just tried something else, but also mourning that ultimately much of this was out of her hands. She’s grappling with a past that can’t change and a future that doesn’t exist. Every one of these scenarios is a way her life could have gone with any number of different decisions, but in the end, none of that matters, because she is who she is and what happened happened.

Obviously there’s a lot more going on in the album; she’s not just processing the end of relationships, she’s processing her fame and career and health and harassment and trauma and struggles and misogyny and any number of things in frankly shocking ways. But, I think there’s also no denying that this very important thing — the step many young adults expect to take in their lives — precipitated a whole lot of what went on, and may have even had a domino effect on all the other issues explored. It’s raw and vulnerable and ugly and funny and human.

Anyway apparently I’m back and thinking.

[gunsatthaphan]

GMMTV 2025 trailer reviews

as usual and because I'm getting some asks, here are some initial thoughts on the trailers from today (in order of release, BL/GLs are marked with a 🏳️‍🌈, favorites with a 🌟):

Dare You to Death 🏳️‍🌈: Strong start!! I did not expect JoongDunk to make another comeback but I didn't expect that from any the other pairs either and yet here we are lol. This looks interesting, I'm digging the MOD vibes and I'm charmed by inspector!Dunk lol. I also like how the romance doesn't seem to be the main focus. I'm not always a murder mystery fan but if the script is good then I'm into it. and I am very intrigued by this! .

Head 2 Head 🏳️‍🌈: I was praying for a more interesting story for SeaKeen's second project and my prayers were heard. Trailers can be deceiving and I don't know how it will all turn out but this looks pretty good to me. New being the director is not something I would have guessed, it looks like he's branching out afterall. the Bad Buddy/rivalry vibes fit them better than the one-sided flirting in Only Boo imo and the future visions/foretelling trope intrigues me as well. I'm sad we're not getting RyuJava as the side couple as they both have different partners in this lineup but it's okay. This might be the first time where I'm certain that I will tune in for a New show lol. Well done! .

Burnout Syndrome 🏳️‍🌈🌟: FIRST HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT!!!!! This looks absolutely BOMB I'm so obsessed lmao. I followed my personal annual ritual of saying I don't want another OffGun show and then ending up being captivated by the trailer lmao. I don't wanna compare this to any of their previous shows though because for one Nuchy is the director which is amazing and also Dew is part of it lol? He is the last one I expected in a show like this, let alone a bl lol. He always kept his safe distance so this is a surprise lol. Him making his bl debut alongside OffGun is risky however, especially since his acting is not exactly oscar-worthy so I hope he works on that. But all in all this excites me a huge amount. also lowkey hoping they keep the soundtrack bc it's fire lol. Super hyped for this one!!!!! 🧡 .

I Love A Lot of You: This is one of the 2 lakorns in the bunch and I feel bad but it didn't intrigue me at all. The schizophrenic plot seems strange and I'm not feeling a spark between the characters. Good for Nanon for making his comeback though plus good for the 4EVE members for breaking into the acting business lol. .

Whale Store xoxo 🏳️‍🌈: This looks cute!!!!! I can already tell that Maewnam is a more likable character than Sun in 23.5 lol and I feel like this is a step-up for MilkLove, even if not a big one. The plot seems light and easy but I'm okay with that as long as it's not high school. I'm also excited to see June again, it's sad that ViewJune is over but Mewnich is an excellent addition imo. I loved her in Mission Fan-Possible so I'm pretty excited for this! .

Only Friends: Dream On 🏳️‍🌈: WELL WELL WELL. What do we have here 😭 The trailer was definitely overstimulating me lmao, I'm still not sure what exactly is going on, I had to watch it 5 times to even grasp anything. I remember Mix teasing Jojo at the end of Only Friends that he wants to be part of a sequel which was played off as a joke back then but boy did they fool us lmao. Never in a billion years would I have expected this to actually happen. I'm not a fan of second seasons, though I'm not sure if we can count this as such? It's more of a spinoff. Still something they have never done before so this is interesting. OhmLeng and JossGawin joining EarthMix is an interesting choice but very welcome. JossGawin getting a second gig before their first one even aired is giving big d*** energy lmao but good for them!!! I knew OhmLeng would get another show and my guess was that they'd be part of an ensemble so yay I was right lol. The plot - in old OF tradition - looks messy as hell and since Ninew is directing, I'm expecting a similar energy throughout the show. Not sure how I feel about Boston being there though. He was my least favorite in OF. But we shall see. I'm loving the Romeo + Juliet theme though which I'm 100% sure is Jojo's doing lol. What can I say. I'm ready for another messy clusterfuck. Bring it. .

That Summer 🏳️‍🌈: I'm happy to see that WinnySatang are getting their own show, about time!! I hope Winny works on his acting a little bit because I didn't love his performance in We Are. Satang is still out-acting him so I hope that changes. Satang being a prince is my favorite part of it all like Damn right he is lol. I love him. Ryu and Mond as the side cp is interesting and I'm always up for a good soft beach-lovestory. Also Jojo is behind it so obviously I will tune in. .

My Romance Scammer 🏳️‍🌈: Tbh I keep forgetting that Ohm Thitiwat is with Gmmtv since he hasn't really been participating in anything since he joined lol. But it's nice that he's debuting now and the fact that he's paired with yet another Fluke makes it so much better lmao. I like their energy together so this could be good. I'm not a big fan of JuniorMark, it looks a bit chaotic plus New is directing so I will be on guard lol but I'm putting it on my list nonetheless. .

Melody of Secrets 🏳️‍🌈: ForceBook are trying hard to break out of their previous roles and I appreciate that but unfortunately it's not working. at least not for me. I like them as people but as actors they have never struck a chord in me and never will. All their characters are the same to me. But people have different opinions. Good for them for trying out a different genre but the plot confuses me and I'm not hooked so I'm likely skipping this one. .

Love You Teacher 🏳️‍🌈: OY, we got a weird one on our hands lol. They had me in the first half of the trailer, PerthSanta have a decent chemistry and the teacher theme is cute. but then... Santa wakes up... as a....7 yr old???? lots of things not sitting right with me about this lol. Santa has a juvenile acting style which is not necessarily a bad thing but did they really have to take it that far lol. Not sure how this will turn out, it could go either way. I just wish they hadn't added the line "if he'll be a kid forever could you still love him even though you hate kids?" bc uhm... nah. idk I'm gonna tune in though and see how it goes. .

MU-TE-LUV (mixed): Yay this looks interesting!!!! I was hoping for another multi-plot show since they haven't done one of those in a while. And this has definitely sparked my interest. The stories are very different, I like the pairs, it's nice that OhmLeng and SeaKeen are part of it as well, plus the drag group looks like they're gonna be a lot of fun. Reminds me of the old gmmtv days. I'm in!!! .

Cat For Cash 🏳️‍🌈🌟: It took me a while to gather my thoughts for this and my initial reaction was what in the feverdream am I looking at, but after watching it a few times I see it a little differently. Anyone who follows FK knows they were never the ones to conform to the big crowds, they don't accept roles just for the heck of it; they move around in their little bubble and only do something if they're 100% behind it, no matter what genre. Which is why I trust them with any project they do, as with this one. They have expressed that they wanted to move away from the heavier plots in the future, which doesn't mean they were forced into anything, but a project like this feels like they get to relax a little after being on the grind for the last 2 years lol. They said they wanted to do something silly and fun and now they get it. It's small and lighthearted with an admittedly very silly plot and yes it might flop but to hell with it. They seem excited about it and that's all I care about. They got the show they wanted so I consider every part about this a win ✌🏻 .

Girl Rules 🏳️‍🌈🌟: ON MY KNEES for this one ohmygod 😭 I can't believe Jojo finally gets to do his messy GL that hes been talking about for so long lol and the cast is absolutely DIVINE. Not only did I not expect NamtanFilm to get another gig right away but I did not expect MilkLove to go raunchy so fast lmao. But ohmygod I'm SO seated. We got the mix & match in the good ol' Jojo fashion and everything that comes with it. Everything about this is up my alley. Sign me up. .

Boys In Love 🏳️‍🌈: This seems basic but it's nice to see some new faces. Mick finally gets to debut, plus I'm pleased that I was right about ChokunAston lol. PoddPapang were not hiding anything so they didn't come as a surprise, still I wish we had gotten them as mains. I'll still take it though. Considering that this is the annual newbie-show, it doesn't look too bad. I'll tune in. .

My Magic Prophecy 🏳️‍🌈: This is a big surprise for me, not because of the plot but because of JimmySea lol. After Jimmy said he will go abroad next year and he doesn't know if he will have projects etc., I took that as a confirmation for no JS series in 2025. Now I don't know if this will actually air in 2025 or if it will be pushed into 2026 but yeah I did not see this coming at all. JimmySea going back to their fantasy roots with this one, Sea is continuing his theme of seeing things he's not supposed to lol, I just hope it won't be too similar to Last Twilight. Not plot-wise but acting- and character-wise. Sea's acting is always excellent but Jimmy's characters all blend together as his acting stagnates a bit. But it's too soon to tell. It's going on my watchlist! .

A Dog And A Plane 🏳️‍🌈🌟: Speaking of surprises, this is another one lmao. Like how are we getting the third TayNew series in a row?? Insane. I usually expect the worst so I thought of Peaceful Property as their last joint project for a while. But apparently they never thought of quitting and it looks like I'm getting another comfort show 🥺 I have a ton of respect for them as actors, I was so impressed by their performances in Cherry Magic and Peaceful Property so ofc I'm super excited about this one. Newie as a flight attendant dating the plane Captain and Tay as a paramedic? They did that just for me. I love it. I also can't wait to see MarcPoon again!! Finally they're getting different roles. Plus it is yet another Jojo project so we're in good hands. .

Me And Thee 🏳️‍🌈: We're continuing the theme of "I never thought this couple would get another show together" but that's what the whole point of "riding the wave" seems to be about. But anyway. PondPhuwin usually go for whatever the fans want so I'm sure this will blow up just the right way. The story seems fun, though I'm a bit fed up of the mafia theme. But for now it's just a trailer. I might tune in. .

WU: I'm very confused by this, the trailer gave us no information, all I know is SkyNani are still going strong in the bromance/borderline bl department so good for them I guess lol. I can't really say anything else about this since we don't know much and haven't seen much except for some long stares and another red thread reference. I'm not saying everything should be bl but HSF is already queerbaiting and it looks like this one will follow that lead so I'm not too thrilled about it. No idea what this bromance-hype is all about, I really don't get it. but oh well. .

Memoir of Rati 🏳️‍🌈: This one has really nice visuals and an interesting plot, my only concern is GreatInn as Wandee was a disaster but I want to believe that was due to the bad script. I think they could redeem themselves with this. The genre, characters and costumes seem very fitting for them and AouBoom are also a nice addition. I was expecting them to get their own show but so be it. It is also Gmmtv's first period BL which is exciting. And it looks so pretty!! The French irritates me a bit but whatever lol. It's going on my list. .

Ticket To Heaven 🏳️‍🌈🌟: We have arrived at the last highlight of the night and my goodness. What a treasure they kept for the end. I can't remember the last time I was this captivated by a trailer, I felt this in ever fiber of my body. The visuals are outstanding and the production of the trailer alone is insane. I don't want to say anything wrong but the theme of Catholicism in association with guilt, faith and sexuality in particular is not something I would have ever associated with Gmmtv. I have seen mostly Western productions like Skam tackle stories about spirituality and sexuality and unorthodox bl productions tackle themes of sexual awakening and self doubt so I consider undertaking this kind of narrative in the mainstream Thai media environment as quite bold. Not that these issues are any less real there but it's uncommon, and translating them into cinematic context adds an extra layer of intricacies. So this is a risky production but this trailer gave me full-body chills so I'm very much looking forward to it. GemFourth are not my favorite actors sadly but if they get this right, they could easily redeem themselves. This is a clear highlight for me. .

Conclusion: This lineup has been full of surprises but in the best way possible. When they announced "Riding The Wave" as the tagline for the event and after Tha gave the speech about the company's ambition to go for what's popular, I was worried that the quantity would once again drown out the quality. And I know these are just trailers and we have made the experience that even the best trailer can have the most frustrating outcome but to me today's announcements all look very promising. I liked some more than others but objectively speaking, if they put the same effort into the actual productions as they did with those trailers, then we're in for one hell of a year lol. I'm keeping a positive mindset about everything, I'm thrilled about most announcements, my personal highlights for now are Burnout Syndrome, Cat For Cash, Girl Rules, A Dog And A Plane and Ticket To Heaven. This is the first lineup that has almost no lakorns as 18 of 20 productions are lgbt-themed. Almost all fixed couples are coming back with the addition of a few new ones which I like. And we got a few unexpected combinations which I am always a big fan of lol. Personally I can see the ambition and aspiration in everything and I am eager to see what they make of it. I'm expecting about half of these shows to be pushed into 2026 and since they usually air the shows in the same order they announced them in, that will most likely be the second half of the lineup.

If anyone read this far, thank you and sorry for rambling, I just wanted to put my thoughts out lol. let me know your thoughts if you want!

xxx

[realclaramorrow]

wat spoilers (whole thing this time). more thoughts I'm full of thoughts (made better from my emotion blinded previous finished book rant)

ok now that I've had some time to sit and think, I enjoyed the book AND I think it couldve taken a couple more editing rounds. I'm sure none of these are new thoughts. I can't believe in my previous post I was right about everything except my opinion on dalinar.

kaladin telling ishar hes szeth's therapist and then being like man idk either was a clunky joke and really took me out of the moment. "honor is dead but I'll see what I can do" is a good line but also a bit cringeworthy at this point? I think his ending is at first glance what he needs but if you look deeper he's isolated from everyone he's ever loved (except syl) and has to be on the clock as a therapist for 9 people with multiple millenia of trauma 24/7. I'm upset for him. This is not a break.

adolin's situation is also good at a glance but bad long term. just like kaladin and shallan he's completely isolated from his loved ones (except maya). shakadolin was too powerful, they had to be stuck in different dimensions. he never got to forgive his father. maya is basically the only method of communication between free nations. at least he and gawx can be bros? I love the way they won azir. he's possibly continuing the absent kholin father tradition by accident.

shallan is pregnant maybe? I dont like that, I think pregnancy plots are usually stupid and poorly done. hope she can get back to the physical world because giving birth in shadesmar seems bad and dangerous (painspren, no midwife, not much access to food/water, no one she loves to support her). I wish shallan had had more complex thoughts about rlain and renarin because she's smart and while dealing with a great many things I think should've at least briefly thought like "oh god they are going to have such a terrible time in the physical world I need to make it so clear that I am supportive."

I understand that Jasnah was exhausted but the argument for thaylenah felt a tiny bit out of character for her. she's admittedly not great at talking to people and was caught off guard at every turn, but I think previous scenarios showed she could've handled it better, especially with so much on the line.

I can't believe (actually, I very much can) that odium did that to gav. thats so fucked up. and preserving his city's souls in the spiritual realm? absolutely fuck off. his grandchildren are safe but the only kholin grandchild doesn't get to be, directly because of him? this is a 20 year old with almost no real memories of the people that loved him, maybe a few faint ones from age 5 or before. this kid was groomed to be a lamb for slaughter for fifteen years.

I have hope for moash redemption? I imagine kaladin showing up and he's literally a herald (of second chances) and moash (with investiture vision) is like WHY ARE YOU GOD WHAT THE FUCK

the shattered plains got the best ending it could, in my opinion. free listener state!! yes!!

I appreciate that dalinar's death wasnt in combat, but by the strength of the storm. he was a king until the end, and I feel bad that I ragged on him so hard because he immediately started changing for the better. also, claimed by another? I can't tell if that's just death or if thaidakelsier wants him bad or if another god has spoken for him. gotta know. maybe valor?

also, I really need to read the sunlit man. for as much as I love sigzil you'd think I would've gotten around to it already. I also have not read: warbreaker, elantris, the emperor's soul, yumi and the nightmare painter, shadows for silence, sixth of the dusk, or white sand. its not like I wont be busy during these 7 years.

[shuenkio]

-ˋˏ ༻ISEKAI LIFE WITH ENHA ❁༺ ˎˊ-

Paring: Enha X m!reader

Content: Fluff, emotion, [curse words]

Isekai: reincarnated to another world as a mc for a mission

Do not copy my works

Crd to all pics&dividers

Heeseung: The day you were here, was the day of his accession. A crown prince who just became the king of his kingdom, since his father, the previous king got ill in his old age. Despite how fresh he was in this field, his father hired you as his assistant, a royal secretary, he knew that his only son could do everything but he was lacking in making decisions, and he needed some advisor to give him a path, which is you. A few years had passed, and his kingdom was doing well because they had Heeseung who was in charge as a King. But he's not doing it alone, all the royal assistants are included too, especially you. If you are not here with him, he'd make a mistake. His Nation keeps growing and developing however that's not the only thing that grows, his feelings for you are also growing. Ofc the rule can't be in love with a lower class like you but he can't stop the feeling, love is love, the fact that you're a boy, made it even worse nevertheless he doesn't give a damn about it, you make him this way, Love.

"Don't worry M/N, if I can't have you nobody will, and please don't push me away, I've loved you since the day you made my life easier, so please give me this chance to make me yours, and you're mine?" You stood on the spot, unable to open your mouth nor to make a move before a system popped out in front of you and announced "You've completed your secret quest: make King Lee fall for you!" What!

Jay: He'd be likely a Royal captain, a masculine man, who stood strong for his country, a bloody demon war who takes victory home every time. You were reincarnated into his student, a training soldier. However things are kinda complicated for you since this is back in the past, a historical world where they didn't have technology, everything was going along with tradition, religion, manners and behavior was a big problem if you did something wrong. Soon enough after half a year, you have become familiar with your life and now is a royal soldier just like what you had been trained for. You had participated in some war and gained a great experience from it which gives an impression to Jay. One day during the bloody time, Jay was in bad shape while fighting with the other captain, he couldn't move because of his wounds as a result he was on the ground right now, moving his body by using his hands. You too were in critical shape, or maybe even worse than him, blood stained all over your body, every corner however for the love of country, and to protect the captain, you're risking your life by shielding him with your body at the very last moment when the opponent drawing a sword toward Jay. A sword cut through your rib, blood dripping, but that didn't stop you, with a dagger in your hand, pressed through against your enemy too. In return them and you, fall to the ground, lifelessly. Jay's eyes wide open, speechless reaction can't even explain well before taking your body, holding you close to him. A captain never cries, but he might break this rule. He brawled his eyes out, and didn't give a fuck about his surrounding.

"Please stay with me, M/N!! you can't die you can't do that, it's my order!!" He shouted, couldn't accept what he'd witnessed rn. "I-- *coughing* have completed my mission -- my lord! My mission is to protect you at all costs, for now since you're okay I think I can close my eyes peacefully ever after... Thanks for everything Captain - Jay" "System: Mission completed!"

Jake: A cowboy from an unknown village, he's quite a popular guy in the town because of his handsome face. Every girl wanted him so badly that even their body, they can give it to Jake without hesitation. However all their doing is no effort to him, he's recently development his sexuality, and he has only a spot for men. Meanwhile, you are an odd boy, who has white hair with blue eyes in the village, which gives a reason for the people to hate on you because, at that time, something odd is what a demon does. On one fine day, while people are bullying you, throwing kinds of stuff at you, Jake suddenly appear and protects you from all those bad things before saying something to them, and they're gone in an instant. He asks if you're ok, you just reply with a dry response since you don't trust people for now. He Pause for a moment to appreciate your beauty while you reply to him, then snap out after you ask him again. He rubs his nape, asking you if you want to be his friend so he can protect you, you decide to give in and accept his request because he's the only one who cares about you. Day by day passed, he taught you about people's daily life, what should they do, what should they eat, blah blah as well as took you to a different place, the sea, the mountains, a place where you never wanted to visit before. In the end, you fail to keep your feelings and make a decision to confess your feelings to him. Under the starry night, watching the shooting star, both of you sitting beside each other, admiring the night galaxy, he doesn't say anything back once you tell him how you feel toward him. Before letting out a relieved sigh, speak.

"I've been waiting for that line for how long, I like you at the very first sight but I choose to make you confess to me first darling~" "mission: ___✓___"

Sunghoon: You and him are childhood friends, but you don't remember anything since you're just reincarnated into this boy's body which you assume, is a prince. Sunghoon is also a prince so it makes sense that both kingdoms are in a good relationship together. Soon enough, Sunghoon's kingdom is throwing a ball party, his father already has a plan, to find a suitable princess for him by doing this. Sunghoon didn't like it, to say that he freaking hate it, he don't want nobody, he don't need a wife, he don't want to start a family, he want to be free and not follow the king's path, he don't want to be a king. The queen tries to convince him, but nothing will do, he's a man of his word, whatever he spitted he'd never swallow it back. You arrived at the ball, in your nice-looking royal designer suit. You look around trying to find your childhood friend, and then suddenly someone pulls your hand before taking you away to a quiet place. You try to release yourself from this person's grip but fail eventually because of how strong he is, even his face you can't see it. When both of you reached the private place, he immediately stopped, and released your hand before turning around, revealing his face, Park Sunghoon! You question him why did he this before he kneeled and cried, at your knee. You began to panic and asked him why. Why? "Your Highness, you can't do this please stand up, if people see you like this, they might assume things!!" You speak, with your shaking voice, the feeling of scared washing all over your body. "M/n...*sobbing* my father and mother want me to get married, I... I don't wanna do this anymore, I wanted to be free, please tell me m/n what should I do!?" He continues to tear apart, you've never seen him in such a state before. "Your Highness, we can settle this in the Palace, we can't talk about something like this here!" You respond, however, it's didn't work."I don't want anyone but you, I want only you m/n! I know it's crazy to love someone who's the same sex as you but I can't help it... And please d-don't leave me ×2 you are the only one I needed the most" the last sentence when he said that, draws attention to you, making you wonder why in the world he said that. "Pardon your highness I don't understand what you're trying to say... I'm not going anywhere! I'm here" You become all sweaty, there's no way he knows who you are.

"I discovered your diary m/n I know everything, even if your mission had been completed some time ago, just please promise me you won't go anywhere, I LOVE you!"

Sunoo: Sunshine Boy would be the innocent, gorgeous, pretty face, and the son of a rich family in the town. He likes flowers, perfume, accessories, and many nice things that scream pretty! But besides his innocent looking and behavior, he had two faces, where the other one is purely evil, and got in his way, making him pissed off, in the next day there'll be a funeral in the town. However despite this personality, he does it for good, he only bullies those bad, pervert guys who take advantage of the girls. When you were doing your quest during the day, walking through the market in full black, his eyes landed on you, while he was doing his business. He thought you were one of those guys, so he began to follow you until both of you, reached the dark alley. You notice someone is following you, so you quickly hide yourself in the shadows. While he was looking for you, you suddenly appeared behind him and asked in a creepy tone why is he here. But the man was too starlet to the point he almost peed himself, so you took off your hood and revealed your face, which calmed him a little bit because of your kind-looking face or maybe not. He and you exchange information together and soon enough he realizes what you're doing, is the same as him so he wants to team up with you to take out the bad guys in the town for humanity together. You didn't deny it since it's a part of your mission too. A mission together with him every night is like a new experience with you, you get to know a lot of things in this world, how the system works and many more that have shocked you. Later on, one day after putting the bad guys in the cage, at midnight with him, both of you sitting on the clock tower, you know how huge it is. Eating your dinner while he steals a glance at you, makes you wonder after all the work with him, as a duo did he feel the same feeling you just discovered? Probably not, you thought this world was so close-minded about having a relationship with the same sex so you decided to not let any word out of your mouth even though you wanted to. Little did you know, he also felt the same way, he also found out he was drawn toward you, the word I like you is not enough to explain his love for you, he likes you... A little bit much. "M/n? Can I ask you something? Don't be mad at me ok? I'm being honest" he said, looking at the moon, that shining bright. You nod, waiting for his response. "It's crazy we've done this together many times and I feel like this part of me still wants you to be here, working with me for all the innocent live here but I think it's got a bit worse than I thought, I don't think you as a partner, I think you are more than a partner to me, more than a friend, and I'm sorry to feel this way, it's ok if you don't feel the same way, I just feel a pressure in my chest if I don't let it out-" he pauses before continuing.

"I like you m/n even though we just met a few months ago, i like you so much that I dream about it, i like you-" You couldn't bear all his heart confession and didn't want to keep him, thinking you didn't feel the same, you cupping his face before slamming your lip against his, his eyes wide open like he was just seen a ghost, then he realized what you mean before returning your kiss, smiling during the kiss. Maybe this mission isn't bad after all.

Jungwon: A young farmer boy who likes taking care of his animals and farm. He is a normal civilian just like everybody, people love him because of how adorable he looks, especially his charm, and dimples. When he discovered you lying down lifelessly on the street while he coming back home, he immediately picked you up, carried you to his house and took care of your injury. You were thankful that there are some kind people here, in this world you're assigned into You thought you would die on that street, freezing to death already but guess fate won't let you die this easy. At the time of his taking care of your sickness, he gave all his might to treat you until you recovered. Again after you have recovered, you thank him for being there for you when you were at your lowest point, and will do anything to pay back for his kindness. He smiled softly at your statement but he said it's fine, he doesn't need anything back, and he likes to see people happy. Once you hear that You just want to give him everything in the world for him, everything he wishes for, however at the moment you don't have anything with you, only yourself with his clothes on that he gives you. You have no better idea, but a hug for him is the least you can do right? You figured it out and decided to give him a tight hug, giving him all the warmth and kindness back to him. His gaze grew soft before resting his chin on your head, giving you the hug you wanted. You keep on giving him your squeezing hug until a system box pops in front of your eyes.

"Secret mission completed: you just made someone fall in love with you!"

Ni-ki: In the third POV, he would be a young pirate, despite his young age, he has been traveling across the sea for his entire life now, so his experience on the water is unstoppable and god-like. He had destroyed hundreds of hundred boats in the past few years, for now, he's the captain of his ship, a fear pirate whom everyone's Afraid of. He doesn't know what's the word rest or sleep since he always pulling all-nighters almost every single day, a part of him said he can't blink or else. In the course of fishing, his worker spotted you lying on an empty log, floating around the ocean, Ni-ki might be a heartless and cruel person but he was once in your shoes, and he didn't want to repeat it just like his ugly past, so he take you in on his ship. Later than for the last few months, you choose to work for him to survive and it's also your mission to do this too, and you didn't know for how long. It's a bit strange that your system didn't show or give information to you, therefore you don't give much care about it, it's better to be alive than die on this wide ocean. While you're staying on this ship, you like to write everything down in your diary book, even your past life and your mission here in this world you are in. One time you were drunk after drinking all the wine, and accidentally burst into the pirate's room because of your vision. You plop down on his bed, as you thought it was your bed, Ni-ki just sitting at his workplace, legs crossing, watching you intensely Before hearing your mumble words about your life and your mission. The next day, while you were moping the floor, he unexpectedly revealed himself behind you, an evil smirk growing on his face he liked teasing you. When you notice his presence, you lower your head as a sign of respect before greeting him a good morning.

"It's a beautiful morning isn't it m/n? Haa... I wish you could stay longer here with me" he spoke, trying to sound oblivious. "my lord, what do you mean by that?" You nervously respond while holding on to the mopping broom tightly. "Don't act dumb kitty, I have gone through all your dairy book, and your make-no-sense words last night when you were drunk, now that I got all the missing pieces, I finally get it, don't worry m/n! Once you step your foot here, you can't leave this ship until the day we grow old together, and Don't even think about leaving, if you don't want me to do something on you~ my sweetheart!"

🗣️ please mind my English! ><

🗣️ Reblog and like is much appreciated ♥

🗣️ this is the hardest work I've done, and also I can't promise I will update tomorrow.

🗣️ CRD to all the owners of dividers.

[deathclassic]

art tag

love a good art tag so thank you @doshiart for thinking of me <3

How did you start drawing? What year was it that you become more seriously and consciously interested in it?

uh ive been drawing all my life, i wanted to be an 'artist' when i was 6 and then it kinda went into different ideas surrounding art - tattoo artist, graphic designer, illustrator, etc etc and then i decided to pursue graphic design afer high schoo about 8 years ago? and have a degree in that now

When you felt the urge to share your art with other people? When did you start posting your drawings on social media?

i was always drawing for other people and then i started posting my fanart when i got twitter and tumblr in 2010, so it's still floating around on here

Your first/earliest drawing. What were your impressions of it back then and what are your feelings now?

i was probably really proud of it and had probably never seen a giraffe at all, i was 5. there's earlier ones out there of course but this is the earliest i could find around me

Your first fanart ever

i cant find my fanart of my little pony from 2004, or my fall out boy, panic at the disco and my chemical romance stuff from 2008. i drew this of ian in 2011 though.

Your first gallavich fanart

see above

When you had bad days and things didn't work out, what inspired you to keep trying?

what else was i gonna do with my life lol, im not good at maths, im not good at english, im not good at science so this was the only thing left. i dont share what i draw most of the time, no one needs to see it, so i just sketch whats around me, i scribble just to get the anxiety out. and then i come back sometimes weeks later like it never happened.

Show your old piece that you strongly dislike and tell why.

i was just getting back into the shameless fandom after being in and out since 2011 and i hadnt actually drawn them for a long time so i hate this one with a burning passion.

Show your old piece that you very like and tell why. What's the difference with the previous?

this is a scanned version, it's done entirely in sharpie. i like how simple it is, just one medium, stark contrast, and yeah. difference between them is that one is digital and one is traditional, one was done after drawing them for years and the other was done after taking a break to draw for other fandoms.

Show your old piece that you were very proud of back then.

maybe this one from university? i made a guidebook of architecture of melbourne and i drew every building by hand, i did this maybe 4 years ago?

Do you do any practice sketches or warm-ups before you draw something big?

oh yeah - mind maps, thumbnails, hand drawn text exploration, figure sketches, writing down different values. every single one of my drawings that get posted start like this

Sketch vs Final. Show your process.

i had to redesign the blair witch movie poster

Your most recent drawing.

logo ive been working on for a client - not bound by contract so i can share it with you because i dont want to share my secret santa thing lol

Give yourself some praise! Look at what improved in your art!

im glad you kept going. through all the death threats, through people selling your stuff without you knowing, through the depression. who knew you'd still be drawing for the same fandoms decades later?

Any advice you'd give to your earlier self?

stop giving a SHIT about everyone else. draw for yourself and no one else.

Set a goal for yourself for the coming year.

stop getting taken advantage of <3

im tagging @spookygingerr @ghoulish-art-tendencies

@vintagelacerosette @suzy-queued @cal-tastrophe @iansw0rld @heymrspatel @grumble-fish

[robthegoodfellow]

No Romeo, But He’s My Loving One-Man Show

Mirror Sex, Roleplaying for Days 9/10 of @harringrovekinktober additional incidental praise kink, edging, fledgling D/s dynamic, cum play, slight feminization

(roommates, kink experimentation, billy is a femme fatale but really just a very good boy, nsfw)

Handy Links to Previous Chapters: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Steve had expected Robin to have some pointed feedback after coming over for dinner and a horror movie—a longstanding tradition Billy had inducted himself into a couple days post move-in by rescuing the pizza from a crispy demise because someone forgot to set a timer—but when Steve met her for coffee later that week, all she talked about was the mirrors.

Why are there so many? Why are there more every time I visit? Do you know how many years of bad luck you’re risking? That old one with the fancy frame is definitely cursed—I saw something moving in it. No, it wasn’t us—something else. Like, out of the corner of my eye. It’s haunted, Steve—you should get rid of it. Don’t break it, though, whatever you do.

Finally, after much redirection and pointed questioning, she’d given her assessment on the Billy situation, specifically how Billy seemed to feel about Steve, from an outside perspective. 

Mostly you both seemed normal, aside from sneaking looks at each other constantly. But even that’s normal, in a way. Her eyes narrowed. Is that why so many mirrors? More opportunity for sneaky looks?

Which—what? No. That wasn’t why—though he’d be lying if he said he’d never… But what did she even mean, that even that’s normal?

Well, like when we watch movies and something funny happens, you always look at Billy to see his reaction. And when the special effects are corny, he always looks at you and rolls his eyes. And when we’re all three hanging out, half the time it’s you and me trading knowing looks from inside jokes, and half the time it’s you and him. So, like—the looking isn’t new, I just caught you guys doing it without the other realizing it. Like a bunch of times.

Rather than deny it, Steve found himself asking, pathetically, how Billy looked. When Billy looked at him.

Like this, Robin said, and made the biggest, dopiest cow eyes, complete with dreamy sigh, reverent tilt of the chin. 

Steve told her to fuck off, but couldn’t repress the grin splitting his idiot face, and Robin cackled.

Ask the haunted mirror, if you don’t believe me! It’ll totally back me up.

.

It’s not like they’d planned to make the apartment a fun-house mirror maze, but after the divorce, Steve’s mom went a little nuts selling off stuff from the Hawkins place, all of which was apparently unsuitable for her townhouse in Chicago, and when his dad made a stink about her disposing of hideous heirlooms intended for Steve, she’d promised to forward their son the remainder.

Which was how he ended up with the couch, complete with decorative throw pillows, and… about six ornate mirrors of varying unreasonable size. And sure, he could’ve sold them himself, because his dad didn’t actually give a shit, but then he’d sorta grown used to them, and Billy had never complained, so… yeah. Made the place feel bigger, or whatever.

Over time, the arrangement had shifted here and there—except for the one in Steve’s room over the dresser, the one in the bathroom over the sink—anyway, however it happened, Steve had noticed, one day, that he’d subconsciously mastered where to position himself throughout the sitting room to see a reflection of the kitchen, the bathroom corridor, and… Billy’s room, if the door was open—and, these days, it usually was.

Did he feel like a creep? Well, yes and no. Yes in that he was aware he should feel like a creep, and therefore did, and no in that he was almost certain Billy knew he was watching and didn’t care. Not only didn’t care, but… liked it. 

After his conversation with Robin, though, he threw all subtly to the wind, staring fixedly at Billy’s reflection as he puttered around in the kitchen, as he left the bathroom, as he lounged in bed reading a book… silently daring Billy to call him out on it, until Billy did.

“Feel like a bug under glass,” he called, turning a page. “You gonna pin me down?”

Humming, Steve resettled against the arm of the couch, didn’t bother turning—just kept admiring him in the mirror leaning against the wall, almost floor to ceiling. The bedside lamp cast warm shadows, limning his hair in gold. Steve wondered if Billy got tired, holding the book above his face like that. 

“I was thinking more like a spy tailing a mark.”

Billy laughed—a short bark of sound. One of Steve’s favorites. “Be dead so fast—made in seconds.”

“You saying I’m more Get Smart than Napoleon Solo?”

“Dunno,” Billy mused, thoughtful. Rolling, he made a pillow of his arms, crossed over the closed book. Leveled Steve a filthy smirk. “If you were 007, I could be your Bond Girl.”

That got Steve to turn around, meet his gaze direct, then cooed, all sympathy: “You wanna be tied up, babe, just ask.”

Billy bit the inside of his cheek, unwillingly amused, so Steve dialed up the cheesy charm.

“C’mon, that was good—Bond Girl? Like bond—”

“I got it,” Billy drawled, levering himself up only to flop against his piled pillows in supposed disgust, book cast aside. “Just call me Pussy Galore.”

“Dick Galore.”

Billy frowned. “Randy Galore?”

“A Bond Boy would have to be Randy Something,” Steve acknowledged. “Or… Something Hancock.”

They paused, then, in unison: “Randy Hancock.”

“And I, James Bondage, am tailing you,” Steve went on, as Billy snickered. “And haven’t been made, because I’m an experienced, accomplished spy—”

“Yeah, yeah, fine.” With a final snort, Billy folded his arms behind his head, semi-reclined, and pondered the ceiling, unfocused. “What next?”

Steve mimicked him, only on the couch, back to watching Billy’s reflection. “I use my handy spy-glass to peer around corners, and I catch you unawares—getting ready for bed.” Billy hummed, polite interest, and waited for more. So Steve gave him more, mind whirring, pulse already on the rise. “I watch you take off your shirt.”

Absently, only shifting enough to complete the action, Billy peeled his shirt off. Dropped it on the floor.

“Then your jeans.”

Those required a more aggressive shimmy, but soon they joined the discarded shirt.

“And then I can’t stop—can’t look away. Like I’m glued to the sight.” Steve’s throat clicked as he swallowed, trailing his palm down his stomach—indulged in a firm rub. “So pretty, spread out on the bed.”

On cue, Billy spread, thighs parting to reveal white briefs, the cotton worn thin, pink showing through where his bulge stretched the fabric. Sighing, a lazy hand skated south, fingers brushing the waistband. Slipped under, but no further. The fingers seemed to press—stalling the hips, an aborted twitch.

“Shit.” Steve wagged his head, corralling what remained of his wits. “I—uh, I figure…” He chuckled, let one heel drop off the couch to rest on the floor, his hand working a steady rhythm. “Figure I’ll learn what you like, use it to seduce you later. Learn how you like to touch yourself—”

Billy grunted, lashes stuttering as he shoved past the elastic, made a fist around the handful. Spoke soft, musing: “Haven’t, you know.”

“What?”

“Haven’t been—touching myself.” Eyes still on the ceiling, Billy’s lips quirked, just as soft. “Not without permission.”

That landed like a punch, loosing a long, meandering moan: “Baby.”

And the baby blues drifted down, met a reverent stare in the mirror. “Yeah?” So innocent, solicitous.

Steve rolled his hips into his palm, arching clear off the cushion. “I like that.” 

Billy’s head lolled sideways, downcast—bashful as he squirmed, bulky knuckles straining the front of his briefs. 

“My good boy,” Steve murmured. And he meant it with every fiber of his being: “Show me what feels good.”

His eyes fluttered closed. The hand slowed. “You.”

Simultaneous hits—to the heart and the heat low in his gut. A vicious press brought himself back under control.

“God—killing me.” Could barely huff it, all of him locked on the hand that had tugged free of clinging briefs to caress the red weeping cock, featherlight, through damp cotton. Steve’s pulse pounded so loud in his ears he more saw it than heard it—pink lips shaping You. You. You.

As though hypnotized, clumsy because he was so hard it fucking hurt, even sweatpants chafing awful against skin throbbing tender, Steve stumbled to the bedroom door—caught himself on the frame, panting, light-headed from the sudden vertical, essential bloodflow coursing elsewhere.

Billy choked off a whine, fisted the coverlet to either side, legs splayed as his spine bowed, sank back. “Please.”

In a blink, Steve was at the foot of the bed, crawling to him, over him, hips forcing Billy’s legs wide. “I got you.” Long, dragging grind, the rub exquisite. “I got you.”

The moan vibrated through Billy’s flushed chest. He hadn’t let go of the bedding—wouldn’t, Steve realized, winded anew. He wouldn’t let go unless Steve told him to.

“How long?” Steve panted, reaching down to rub Billy with the flat of his palm through the briefs, this jerking, gentle pressure that worked him piecemeal to the peak, a maddening build. “How long you been waiting for permission, baby?”

“Luh—” Billy coughed, swallowing spit. “Long.”

“So good,” Steve crooned. “I think you’ve earned a reward, don’t you?”

The flush had spread up his neck to his cheeks, temples pulsing red. He was nodding, mindless.  “‘Kay.”

“All right.” Steve brushed the bulbous crown with a teasing thumb. “Tummy or panties?”

Muffled throaty sound—like he’d been stabbed. Delivered on a whimper: “Panties.”

Steve resumed his kneading rub, coaxing, fine tremors wracking the body at his mercy. “One day I’m gonna get you a nice pair. Maybe something with lace?”

Billy gulped, trembling nod.

“Lace for your pretty cock, a thong for that pretty ass?”

Half-lidded, head craned back, lip bitten raw between his teeth, Billy shivered.

“Make a mess in your panties,” Steve whispered, bending low. “And I’ll make a mess in them, too.”

A burst of guttural gasps, almost hiccups, borderline sob, and he convulsed beneath Steve’s hand, sticky wet seeping through the fabric.

Steve dropped a good boy with every kiss—on cheek, neck, sternum. Lifting up on his knees, he brought out his own cock, stripping it with a loose fist.

Half-boneless, Billy hooked lazy fingers in the back of his briefs, tugging them past the curve of his butt, the front pulled snug against his spent dick, and rolled onto his stomach. Arched, presenting himself, bare ass exposed, and Steve found his groove between plush cheeks, rutting with enough force that he could feel his cockhead rub against that tight hole.

It didn’t take long—short pumps, short of breath—brutish grunt as he finished, coating the pert cheeks in ropes of slick, deploying one hand to catch runaway drips, pet the clenching hole with wet fingertips, tease the entrance.

Billy cut off a whine, squirming, grinding into his own mess, pushing into the pressure behind.

“Soon,” Steve promised. “I’ll give it to you soon.”

An unspooling sigh, and Billy went limp, face turned away.

Planting a kiss at the base of a shoulder blade, Steve drew up the back of Billy’s briefs, smoothing a hand over the sodden fabric—with a wave of heat, imagined the trail of his come oozing toward the taint.

Shifting, Steve curled up along Billy’s side, nose to nose, arm looped around his sloping back.

Billy blinked, placid, as Steve drew a lock of hair away from his eyes.

“Ruined it,” he mumbled, mouth quirked. “The spy scene.” 

“Nah,” Steve said. “A good spy knows when to change plans on the fly—switch it up.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” Warming to the idea: “What happened was—I realized I could offer you what you needed. In exchange for what I needed.”

Billy’s gaze was lulling as a lake in moonlight. “What did I need?”

Steve let a smile twitch, nerves singing. “Me.”

An echoing twitch. Lids lowered, a hitch in his tone: “And… what did you need?”

Steve dipped near, heart in his throat. “You.”

Billy hummed, a short burst trapped behind teeth. He nudged close, and Steve’s eyes slid shut.

Press of lips, lingering soft, on the edge of his chin.

.

“Steve?”

They’d been drifting awhile, lying flush, occasional brush of roving hands, warm gusts of breath. Belatedly, Steve hummed, enquiring.

“Itchy.”

He snorted, stretching like a lazy dog. Shower didn’t sound half bad, but there was something else he’d been wanting to try.

“How about a bath?”

Brows raised, pensive duck lips. Steve called his bluff—bowled him over, rough nuzzle, and hauled him upright.

.

Now with added next chapter: What He Does, He Does So Well

[psychologeek]

Whumptober #20+Alt 2: Mashber

Mashber (breaking point): A crisis, birth, a wave

20: EMOTIONAL ANGST | Shoulder to Cry On | "It's not your fault." Alt 2: Communication Barrier

~

Janet's water breaks on July 18th, but her child doesn't come out until noon of the 19th. Part of her wonders hysterically if the child did it on purpose, knowing the date.

(She spends half her time bouncing on a big plastic ball, humming "Eyni Eyni Yorda Mayim". Part of her seriously considers naming the child Efrayim.)

Janet's child is seven weeks old when they welcome the new year, and despite it all she finds herself humming "Hayom Harat Olam".

At eight weeks old, she put her child to sleep with Un'tane Tokef.

At this point, she realises that her previous plans aren't going to work. Raising a rootless child is not a real option.

(There's an infantry version, a childish part in her that longs to pay it forward. The rhythm and melodies and every tradition she once swore to leave behind.)

And besides, she remembers bitterly, it's not like denying their heritage ever helped any of them.

~

Janet's child is five years old when they have This conversation. She is putting the final touches of her warpaint: eyeliner, sharp as a fresh Lulav. Her child is sitting on the bed, biting lips and serious.

"Mummy," her child asks. "Why did Mr. Smith say that you're a cake? "

Janet puts down her eyeliner.

"What do you mean, honey? Can you tell me exactly what happened?"

"Um," her darling child hesitates. "In the Chrismas party. At Caleb's parents? I finished- I said hi to everyone and. Umm. Caleb said they have sweets and he said I can't get the grown-ups cookies and I said I can and he said nu-uh and I said I do it. And there were a bunch of people stand by the cookies table and I couldn't go 'way and then they say mean things! They said that you're a cake and you killed someone and that dad only marry you 'couse you're escotic and-and-"

Jant's child is crying, and she closes her eyes and hate' for a second. Hate everything and everyone that got her kid to feel that way. That made her child feel hurt.

Janet takes a deep breath, and looks at her child. "some people lack the proper intellect to hide their small-minded brains. Don't let them know they got to you - but never forget who they are".

"But why they say you're a cake, mummy?" her kid isn't sobbing, but there's pain on the tiny faces. "I don't understand. You don't even like cake! you prefer biscuits 'cause they're smaller and less messy!"

(There's something pure and sweet in the innocence of childhood.)

And there are many things she can say. Many different ways to talk about hate and prejudice and decades of hurt and pain. There are many ways to talk about it, but she choses the way they always did it.

(She tells her child a story)

"well. Years ago, there were people who came from a distant land. And their clothes were different and their names and the way they spoke. Most of them didn't speak English when they came. And they were asked to write their names, they couldn't do it in the letters you know. The letters that the guards on the border wanted them."

"So why didn't the guards learn to read their language?"

"Because. Because sometimes, that's how people are. and so the weary people, the poor and tired who came from across the sea, were told to use an X."

"So they all signed with X?"

"No. Because, if you turn it over - the letter X looks like a symbol of the people that weren't kind to them. It looks like a symbol that, for many many years, was easy to rise and mark pain for their parents and kin. A mark that was a sign for hundreds and hundreds of years of pain."

"So they didn't use the X?"

"No. No, they didn't. They put down their name as a circle. a round shape, with no sharp edges to hurt others. And in their langauge, that shape was called Kayk. And ever since then, when some people try to be mean, they remind to this people and their kids where they come from: from the poor, weary people who came to a strange land - looking for a better life."

Mother's earrings are long, like teardrops. As the light breaks through, it almost looks like magic.

"And that's bad?" asks the child, still sitting on the bed.

"You should find your own thoughts," mother takes a second to point her soft brush. "What do you think? Is going far, far away, looking for a better chance in life, a bad thing?”

The kid's mouth opens, but the mother shushes them.

"No. Not yet. Don't answer me now. Think about it, and tell me about your thoughts when we'll be back from the gala."

And as she finishes the final touches, she can hear the child behind her take a deep breath.

"You said they call it to those people and their kids," the words are soft. "So why they calling you?"

And this is a long awaited conversation,  one she can't have right now. So she take her child, her only-born, her loved one. 

And as the weight of innocence is warm in her arms, she says, "because knowledge is power. And you will always be judged by things you can't - and shouldn't - change about yourself. Because small minded people are always out there. But at least you'll know the truth behind the words said."

"Is it the story of our family?" asks her too-clever child.

"Yes," she says. "And no. This is a story of Our People. This is a story of Our Kind. But this isn't the only one. Not even the most common. This isn't The Story of our family, but it's one of the stories of Us.”

~

Janet's child is only fourteen years old, and there are many things she regrets she never said:

(I'm sorry)

(I love you)

(I know)

(You are my child)

Janet is dying.

She is drunken, but not with wine;

And right in front of her:  this cup of staggering; the beaker, this Kos Tre'la.

There are many things Janet wishes she told her child, and one she'll never regret:

"You are part of a long, brave dynasty. Never forget who you are. Never let anyone make you feel bad for who you are." (We shall outlive them)

(Like it? I have more mini-fics Whumptober index | And full size fics on ao3. )

[inklessletter]

Confession time: I actually gave you a brush of this in previous confession times, but making the masterlist post I have just realized how brutally confident I just grew this June.

It's silly, but I'm getting emotional because of it. About eighteen months ago I started taking classes of digital art, although I've been drawing all my life, at some point I just stopped and it was suddenly ten years since I last picked up a pen and paper. I never, ever, have done digital art before last year.

It was good for me, I grew confident and I started showing what I did. I have very old folders full with traditional drawings since I was a little munchkin, but I have never shown those before in public. I wanted to take that back, the skill, the willing, the inspiration.

Last year I made some friends because of this artistic spree, but it ended up real bad. Like, real, real bad. Abandoning my nickname and fleeing social media for months bad. Going back to not showing my stuff in public. Losing everything I have been building up slowly, and that's how I got here.

I needed to leave my own mind behind and find something that gave me comfort and closure, so I came back to Stranger Things, something I liked in the loneliness of my bedroom, something that it felt like mine because no one around me loved it so much. I started reading fanfics, I've got a folder in my e-book with more than 200 of them (97% steddie). Then I started to feel that maybe I needed to take out some venom of my system, and I started writing some, even if it wasn't in my native language and I was terrified of making mistakes, because I just got the lesson that people hiding behind screens and shielded by anonymity could be ruthless, and cruel, and won't bat an eye if someone blatantly breaks you publicly.

But that didn't happen, and even if I had no range, I felt better writing, so I kept doing it. It felt like finally healing.

I eventually picked up the digital pencil again, believe me, with a lot of fear, after months of my last drawing. I'm talking from August to March. I just didn't want another ten years without drawing to pass. It felt like a baby step. A terrifying, unsure and shaking baby step.

I just didn't realize until today, making the masterlist, that I have done sixteen full illustrations in June. Sixteen. That's one (and a little bit) every two days. That's half a month drawing nonstop in my free time.

I don't know when I fell in love with it again.

I don't know many things.

But I know one: I'm grateful to be here, growing a little bit fearless everyday of just being me.

So, if you actually bothered to read all the way down here, let me thank you for being nice to a stranger. Keep doing it, you never know how much someone you don't know can be affected by a single nice act.

[heliza24]

Reading your analysis on the nature of Marcus and Simon relationship made me think of the kiss scene at the rowing competition and Marcus’ text to Simon in episode 5.

I think Marcus kissed Simon in front of everyone but especially Wilhelm on purpose. At first, I thought he was being clueless but now I’m not too sure. He knew Simon was still hurting over Wilhelm, saw them interact during the competition and probably thought he should send the message that Simon is “taken”. And Marcus’ actions here are the opposite of taking things slow. There was no consent when he pulled Simon to kiss him. And the way he said that we’ll get them next year like he’s decided that they’ll be in a long term relationship was so off putting. Do you think Marcus intentionally kissed Simon in front of Wille?

Also, near the beginning of episode 5, Marcus texted Simon if he could stay over at his place since he couldn’t the night before. I was confused on why Marcus would still push for this since in the previous episode at the ball, he saw Simon and Wilhelm come out of hiding. He must’ve known that something happened between those two because he looked sad in the next scene. It couldn’t be more obvious to Marcus that Simon is not interested. So why keep pushing for him to stay over? Desperation? And hypothetically, if Simon did agree to sleep over, was Marcus not gonna bring up his suspicions about him and Wilhelm at all? Why act like nothing happened? He seems to be the type that pretends everything is fine and only bring up the issue when they are having a disagreement. Which is what basically happened during their final conversation. What did you think Marcus’ motive was when he texted Simon?

Hi anon! I do agree with you that there is a degree of willful ignorance and possession in Marcus kissing Simon like that and still inviting him to spend the night after seeing him with Wilhelm at the ball. I also think you're right that he has a pattern of pushing down frustration that results in him snapping at Simon when they finally do break up.

I don't necessarily think that Marcus was consciously sitting at home scheming about how to best ambush Simon or get back at Wilhelm; as @bluedalahorse said to me on the phone last night (to my great delight) "he is simply not that deep". But it all seems like part of a kind of unconscious pattern for him.

This is inspired by @bluedalahorse's excellent post on heterosexuality as a political label in Young Royals, but the way that Marcus approaches relationships feels... very heteronormative? Ok, hang with me here. I know he's dating another man. But the way he approaches the steps of a relationship feels very in line with heterotemporality and the relationship escalator. Marcus is very insistent that if he and Simon sleep together right away, it means the relationship isn't as real. This is different than saying "I'm personally not comfortable having sex right away"; he's framing it in a moral way. This reminds me of old straight dating maxims, like waiting to have sex until the third date, because otherwise the woman is a slut and the man is just using her for sex. All the other steps that Marcus rolls out in the relationship (kissing Simon in public, going on a date with Simon in public at the ball, asking Simon to spend the night finally) feel like they are on a pre-ordained timeline, with each step indicating a growing commitment to being Serious Boyfriends. It doesn't matter that Simon hasn't signed up for this timeline. Marcus isn't going to deviate from it.

Contrast that with Wilhelm and Simon, whose relationship is full of ebbs and flows. They never do things the traditional order, partially because they can't because of the royal family, but also partially because they don't need to. Their physical connection holds its own unspeakable magic, and it doesn't have anything to do with proving the state of their relationship.

(I think it will be interesting to see if Simon's official introduction into the royal family in season 3 puts some of this to the test. I wouldn't be surprised if the royal family pushes Wilhelm and Simon to make their relationship conform to a heteronormative timeline now that they are public. I can see that being very frustrating for both of them. But that's another meta for another time!)

I do have one last Marcus thought, which is not necessarily directly connected to your thoughts, anon, but I wanted to include here in case I don't end up writing about him again. In my last post about Marcus I talked about the subtle classism that Marcus exhibits in his breakup with Simon, but I should also probably have been talking about the impact that race has in that scene. I don't think we can discount that Marcus is white and Simon is the Latino son of immigrants when we look for explanations for the sudden venom in Marcus's voice. If there is a subtle class power imbalance in their relationship then there is also probably a subtle racial power imbalance at work as well. And I think that informs Marcus's words in that scene.

Ok, those are my thoughts for now! As always I appreciate the ask. I love talking character analysis with you all.

[theresnoturningback]

YEAR ONE – SUMMER – SWEET PEAS

A/N: She's got a name! Thanks to everyone who voted because I really couldn't decide by myself...and it's such a pretty name, too!

Okay, so things are slow but I'm taking every free moment I have to write. As usual, if you like it, please consider reblogging. It means the world to me.

Writing for Abby was very fun. I think she's very underrated.

I'm trying to make these short so they're easy to read and write.

word count: 1151, not proof read

Dahlia woke up early that morning with a detailed list of the things she had to do. First, clear up a small portion of land so she could prepare the soil to plant the parsnips Lewis gave her the previous day.

“Well, that wasn’t so hard” she said with a tired smile once she was done. A long sigh escaped her mouth as she sat down on the thin steps of her porch. She looked back at her new home. It certainly smelled worse than the apartment she used to rent; it was clearly abandoned after her grandpa died. Even though Lewis and Robin did their best to prepare it for her arrival, the signs of neglect were hiding in plain sight. At least this place was hers. Having it fixed was a challenge she was determined to overcome.

A rumble in her stomach stopped her train of thought. She headed back inside and opened the fridge “Oh, right” She grimaced “I forgot to buy food when I got here”

After washing up, she made her way to town. Robin told her there was a JojaMart crossing the bridge, but she could get better quality items in a place called Pierre’s General Store. Her farm was relatively close to the rest of the town. She decided to take the path that led to the bus station, since it was the most familiar. She stopped for a couple of minutes to pick some sweet peas to decorate the old basket she found by her chimney.

When she finally made it to the store, she noticed a sign hanging from the door.

“Of course it’s closed” Dahlia huffed and turned around with her arms crossed in front of her. She was already starting to feel too tired to wander around town trying to find the JojaMart Robin told her about.

Suddenly, a little bell chime made her turn around and a purple haired girl bumped into her, making her drop her basket full of sweet peas.

“Oh- sorry! Are you okay? Let me help you with that” They both put the flowers back in the basket

“Yeah, sorry about that too, I shouldn’t be in the way” she offered her a sweet pea in gratitude

“Thank you” She said accepting her gift

“I’m Dahlia”

 “Oh, that’s right…I heard someone new was moving onto that old farm. I’m Abigail, by the way. Are you taking a break from work?”

“Um, kind of…my fridge is empty, so I wanted to do some shopping, but the store is closed”

“Don’t worry, we open at 9. It should be open anytime now”

“We?”

“Yeah, my dad is Pierre from Pierre’s General Store…” Abigail shrugged and laughed sheepishly

“Oh, I see” Dahlia laughed along “So, I’ll be able to have lunch after all”

“He closes on Wednesdays, though. If you get hungry you can always drop by the Saloon”

“The Saloon? What’s that?”

“The Stardrop Saloon. It’s right across the store” She pointed to a rather big building “In the heart of the town, you can’t miss it”

“So, they have good food there?”

“You bet! Gus is the best, you must try the spicy eel, it’s delicious!”

“I’ve never had eel, it sounds slimy”

“Don’t knock it till you tried it” Abigail’s eyes suddenly widened “I have an idea. Why don’t you join us? I’ll introduce you to my friends!”

“What, now?” Dahlia looked down at her dirty clothes.

“No, no…Friday evening, we all hang out there, it’s kind of like a Friday tradition, I guess…”

“I guess I can—”

“No, there’s nothing to think about. Just be there” Abigail insisted “You’ll have fun, I promise”

“Okay, then” Dahlia gave in.

Behind them, a tall man turned a small sign to indicate the store was now open.

“I guess you can go in now. I must go anyway. It was nice meeting you, Dahlia. Thanks for the sweet pea, I’ll eat it on the way!” Abigail turned around and started walking away.

Did she just say she’ll eat a flower? Dahlia frowned, looking down at her basket. She picked one and put it in her mouth figuring it wouldn’t do any harm to try something now.

“Well, she’s either a liar, a joker, or a crazy person” She mumbled after she spat it out.

“She’s certainly a bit of everything” A voice spoke behind her. Dahlia turned around to see the same man who opened the store

“Ah, you must be Abigail’s father” She smiled, a little embarrassed.

“I’m Pierre, owner of this store” He nodded.

“I’m Dahlia, I moved in a couple of days ago from the city”

“Mrs. Dahlia! The new farmer! Come in, come in, the store is open” He led her inside the building.

“Miss Dahlia is fine. I’m not that old, and certainly not married” She laughed. Once inside, she took in the sweet aromas and intense colors of the different seasonal fruits and vegetables “Wow…I can only hope to grow these kinds of beauties one day!”

“Well, if you're looking for seeds, my shop is the place to go. I'll also buy produce from you for a good price! A little agriculture could really inject new life into the local economy!”

“I don’t think I’ll harvest in a long time, though. I only have some parsnips in there”

“Don’t worry about that, you’ll see the fruits of your labor sooner than later. Trust me” Pierre stood behind the counter “Now, what do you need?”

“You see, I’m a little short on funds” She confessed “and I need seeds. Do you have something that’s, you know, affordable?”

“Sure thing, we have the best prices in town. Can I interest you in some pepper seeds for 40g?”

“Two, please” A rumble in her stomach reminded her of what she really wanted. “I’m going to need some ingredients as well: Rice, oil…flour, sugar…do you have any eggs?”

“Sorry, we’re out of eggs right now, but you can talk to Marnie, she’s our primary provider.” He took out a map of the town and showed her a point near a forest “She lives not far from here”

“I live just across that forest”

“So, there’s no way you’ll get lost. Take the map, just in case” He folded the piece of paper and handed it to her. He took a box from behind the counter “Take his, too. It’s fertilizer, it’ll make your work easier, just remember to mix it with the tilled soil before planting your seeds”

“You’re too generous, thank you very much” Dahlia took out the flowers out of her small basket and pushed her purchases in it “I’ll be back for that beauty soon” She laughed, glancing at a leather backpack.

“You’re always welcome, have a nice day!”

She walked towards her house, ready to cook some rice and continuing clearing the farm to prepare a good soil for her new crops.

[up-to-some-good]

Traditions (8/9)

Second last one. I briefly considered making this one angsty, but we need more fluff, I think.

Previous Part

Final Part

30 December 1979

Remus was in trouble. He knew that much. Dumbledore had sent him to the werewolf packs for the entire month. That wasn't the issue. He and Sirius had spoken about what they were doing the Order, getting rid of any secrets between them despite Dumbledore's orders. The issue was, first, that Remus hadn't told Sirius he'd be away for the whole month until right before he left, and, second, that the month was December, which meant a lot to both of them. December held a lot of memories. It was the month that Sirius had escaped from his family, that held their anniversary, and of both Christmas and often Hanukkah - important holidays for them and their family.

So Remus was in trouble, and he knew he was in trouble, even though he had apparated immediately after breaking the news, not even waiting for Sirius's reaction. He had plans to make it up to Sirius. He had owled Dumbledore already to tell the old man that he wouldn't be going to the packs in the new year, even if that meant he couldn't be part of the Order. He was tired of leaving for months at a time and making no progress. If that didn't cheer Sirius up, he didn't know what would, but he had bought a bunch of flowers too. Just in case.

When he opened the door to their flat and music drifted into the hallway. Sirius was playing the piano. Remus heard him finish whatever he had been playing before starting in his next piece - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. Remus stepped into the flat and had to take a moment as he looked around. The living room was decorated for Christmas, the tree lit up with a few presents still sitting underneath. There were a few cards on the mantle and the smell of ginger drifted in from the kitchen. Sirius was, as expected, at the piano, facing away from the doorway and unaware of his partner's arrival.

Remus walked over to Sirius and gently slipped his arms around his waist. Sirius startled at first, before settling back into Remus's hold.

"It smells like Christmas," Remus said in greeting.

Sirius leaned his head back to look up at Remus as he spoke.

"I baked some gingerbread this afternoon. It's still cooling down, but we can build the house in the morning. Tonight is for hot chocolate and presents under the tree."

Remus pulled Sirius up and turned him around so he could look at him properly.

"You didn't have to do all that, love. I would have understood if you did it all without me."

"I know I didn't have to," Sirius replied simply. "But I wanted to. And it doesn't feel right without you. Never has."

Remus leaned forward to kiss his forehead.

"Thank you," he whispered. "For all of this. I love you."

"Merry Christmas, Moons. I love you too."

[canmom]

Animation Night 156 - THREE YEARS

I did it.

Happy birthday Animation Night, my weird little baby. You are now three years old.

Three years ago, I was watching the Japan Animator Expo. I was blown away and charmed and overwhelmed. So I was like, I have to make people experience Me! Me! Me! for themselves. And while I’m at it, everyone needs to absorb Aeon Flux. What if I were to... stream some cool weird animations on Twitch instead of my usual videogames?

Well, that was a hit!

So I did another week, pulling in package films like Robot Carnival. At some point I decided to try screening entire movies. My friends helped me research films I’d never heard of, and compiled two wonderful lists of animated music videos. At some point we switched from mostly short films to mostly movies. Runtimes got more and more ambitious. The writeups got stupidly elaborate. Every week I’d nerd out and research some new director or studio or subject.

Before I knew it, I was celebrating a whole year of that. And then another! And now, what do you know, it’s three. We have covered a truly startling cross-section of animated films from across space and time.

At this point it feels like if I missed a week, I’d die or something.

(You might be thinking, hold on, I thought you said the anniversary was next week? Well, I did a maths oops. I was trying to take into account the difference between ‘52 weeks’ and ‘365 days’ and I screwed up! No, 156 is the closest week to the anniversary. Except... actually all the previous anniversaries were actually celebrated a week early, since I was counting from a notional ‘Animation Night 0′.  But uh... having established that tradition I’m not gonna break it.)

So, let’s go over a few highlights from the last year, as has become traditional. But what are we watching tonight? Well, previously we marked the occasion by rewatching some of my faves from the early days, like Aeon Flux, Tekkonkinkreet or Dahufa. This time, the spotlight is going back to the Japan Animator Expo, which was a thing that Hideaki Anno’s Studio Khara organised, pulling in an incredibly varied collection of short films from all sorts of different studios - a chance for some of the greatest animators to cut loose and make some concepts that would be too weird or elaborate to make normally. More on that in a bit!

So. The last year. The first week AN 105, we took a look at old school Imaishi at his most stylish in Dead Leaves, and a strange Japanese-French angle on LA in Mutafukaz. Fun movies, a promising start.

But the next week, I lost my friend Fall. It still makes no fucking sense, and it won’t ever. On Animation Night 106, I used this ritual to remember her by showing Haibane Renmei, an anime deeply important to her. It proved to be exactly what I needed to see at that time - one of the most truthful depictions of grief. I still miss Fall. I wish I could talk to her about everything that’s happened in the last year. (I’ve done my best to learn Japanese in part to honour her love of languages, but now I’m at the point I can somewhat hold a conversation, it hurts that I can’t actually talk to her in ‘her language’.)

The next few weeks, I kept this up despite everything. We visited the ingeniously grotesque ‘gekimation’ of Ujicha (AN108), visited Mamoru Hosoda twice to more or less charming effect (AN107, AN 113), recreated Studio Ghibli’s one-two punch of 1988 (AN 111), and had a look at some absolutely unique directors like Bill Plympton and Joann Sfar (AN 112, AN 114). I got to show @mogsk​‘s original fansub of a film of Croatian animator Milan Blažeković (AN 116). On AN 117 I wrote another love letter to independent/web animation.

Short films would continue to have a presence all throughout - AN109 we checked out the latest Love Death and Robots and nearly every CalArts film of the year, and AN135 we did the same with a fantastic selection of Gobelins films as well as some unique animators like Poul Robertson and Pulpe. AN 141 took us out to China, with the glorious return of Shanghai Animation Film Studio, and the brilliant Mee’s Forest by Busifan of Dahufa fame, now with a fresh translation by the writers of Animation Obsessive.

On AN 119, I wrote a post about Richard Williams and The Thief and the Cobbler, telling the story of Williams’ lifelong project to try to live up to his ideal of Disney’s Nine Old Men, no matter the cost. That proved to be one of my post popular posts of the whole year and it’s definitely one of the bits of writing I’m happiest with.

The next week on AN 120 I was in America! We saw something just as technically ambitious in another way: Richard Linklater taking Bob Sabiston’s ‘rotoshop’ software and a great deal of animator sweat to portray the world of dreams, and then Philip K Dick’s tragic scifi version of his experiences at edge of society, caught between exploitative cops and the effects of heavy drug use. It’s a unique style, and an effective one. Another American week took us into the archives of Liquid Television, the incubator of Aeon Flux and Beavis and Butthead, to see what else they had in their vault (AN 121).

On AN 122, we had a look at The Hakkenden, an incredibly ambitious and varied OVA... if one that’s now mostly remembered only by sakuga fans. AN 125 took a look at the rest of Peter Chung’s career besides Aeon Flux, notably the delightfully strange Alexander Senki, which we’d revisit to finish a few weeks later, but also some of his franchise work like Riddick and Tomb Raider.

AN 127 took us to see the three adaptations of the works of ‘Project Itoh’, Hideo Kojima’s best friend and purveyor of sharp near-future scifi. Itoh died tragically young; these posthumous adaptations by three different studios each have a very distinctive style and are powerful films in their own right.

Halloweens are when we go and take a look at horror animation - they’re always memorable. On AN 129 we got to see more of the work of Ujicha, and dive into the baroque, slimy hellish dreamworld of Phil Tippett’s thirty-year magnum opus Mad God.

On AN 130, I got to have another headscratch at the old question of ‘what the hell is up with Hayao Miyazaki’, comparing his old film Porco Rosso against the most recent The Wind Rises, which both approach the tension between his pacifism and his love of old warplanes.

On AN 136 I took another leaf through Animation Obsessive to collate their writing on the Zagreb School into a film night. This unique group of animators put a unique spin on the UPA style, breaking all the supposed rules of animation timing.

Back in the day I wrote a monstrously long post about samurai to introduce an animation night on jidaigeki, Japanese historical stories. AN 137 returned to that subject, with three very different but all excellent films by Production I.G. and Toei.

AN138 was a chance to compare Pinocchios old and new, with del Toro’s new stop-motion interpretation making a hell of a splash. The new one was undeniably beautiful, but could its story hold together..?

On Animation Night 139, I had a look at the mighty realist animator and occasional director Hiroyuki Okiura. Okiura was one of Production I.G.’s secret weapons, renowned for his contributions to films like Ghost in the Shell, but we had a look at some of his more obscure works like Run, Melos. The next week (AN 140) I followed this up with a deep dive into Oshii’s ‘Kerberos Saga’, trying to figure out what Anpo man Mamoru Oshii was doing with all that nazi power armour. Of all the films in that sprawling story, Okiura’s Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade was certainly the most impactful and coherent, but Oshii’s bizarre pixilation film Tatsuguishi-Retsuden was a historical oddity I was glad to discover despite the wonky translation.

On Animation Night 143, I finally gave the Lupin III franchise its due. We took a look at some of the wonkier entries in the long history of Lupin, such as The Mystery of Mamo in which Lupin goes up against a weird blue immortal guy, and the recent attempt to reboot it in C.G. And we had another look at Takashi Koike’s dark, heightened take on Lupin, which is always... an experience.

The next week on AN144, I continued my efforts to get into Gundam by taking a look at Sunrise Studio 1′s overwhelming film duology Gundam Thunderbolt. Jazz and space battles, a nonstop orgy of robot violence, it was a ride.

On Animation Night 146, we commemorated Leiji Matsumoto, one of the most influential artists in the history of sci-fi anime, creator of such immortal characters as Captain Harlock. It was a chance to take a look at his whole career, even the early WWII comics, where we saw his fixation with the figure of a reluctant soldier on the wrong side. The next week (AN147) we saw the time that Daft Punk collaborated with Matsumoto and Toei to make a movie for their album - and some weeks later on AN152 we’d return to Captain Harlock again, with Shinji Aramaki’s odd CG interpretation.

Animation Night 148 was a long overdue return to the world of Korean animation, with a fascinating set of angles, from viciously dark drama to rural nostalgia to... kinda like yugioh? AN149 took things historical, looking at Toei’s adaptations of mythological stories from the earliest days of anime - which hold up really quite well.

Then on Animation Night 150 came the long-awaited day where I got to show everyone Masaaki Yuasa’s incredible film Inu-Oh. A blind monk and a cursed boy join together to tell the stories of the fallen in medieval glam rock. It’s such an expression of the joy of what animation can be, and honestly one of my favourite films, and I’m really glad everyone seemed to enjoy it as well.

After all that, were we running out of steam? Not at all! Animation Night 151 saw the release of Lackadaisy, showing that webcomic dorks on Discord can make animation to rival any big studio; Bani-Chan’s beautiful film for Toby Fox and Itoki Hana, and most of all, Studio Ponoc’s Modest Heroes, the effort of a bunch of former Ghibli staff to bring something new to anime. The third film Invisible, featuring the unbelievably sophisticated animation of Akihiko Yamashita, has to be seen to be believed.

And that almost brings us up to now! Animation Night 153-154 took us into a dive of an early work by the master of chuunibyō, Kinoko Nasu, with year-spanning nonlinear story of wizards and traumagirls and murder - as envisioned by the madly ambitious early Ufotable. And last week, I wrote a monster of a post covering the story of Kunihiko Ikuhara for AN 155 - the man launched from Sailor Moon to create such uniquely powerful works as Utena, Penguindrum, and Sarazanmai. Thanks for reading that, it means a lot that so many people did!

So... phew. Hell of a year.

I wasn’t sure I’d be able to bring new material every week for a third year running. I’m kind of amazed that I did - and it’s not like this is the dregs, we’re still finding things that amaze and delight. But that said, I am kinda running out of stuff to show. Animation Night will continue, but I’m going to start introducing more reruns - which I hope isn’t a bad thing because a whole lot of you joined quite recently so it will probably be new to you!

And with that in mind, it’s time to go watch one of the very first things I ever showed on this film night: The Japan Animator Expo.

If I was to write a full writeup on the Animator Expo, it would take so long that we’d have no time to actually watch the films. So with that in mind, here’s the short version.

So. Hideaki Anno (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) left the hot organisational mess that was Gainax to run his own studio Khara, their primary mission being to create the four-movie Rebuild of Evangelion series (see: AN 18, AN 66). But this mammoth project was not their only undertaking. In 2014, Anno and Khara organised a series of short films for the Tokyo International Film Festival, designed as a showcase of both new and old animators. The series was called the 日本アニメ（ーター）見本市 Nihon Anime(etā) Mihonichi or Japan Animator Expo. Each week, a new short would be released on the web.

The shorts vary incredibly wildly. Some of them are incredible technical flexes by some of the most experienced in the business; others rougher work by independent animators. Some tie in to existing franchises (mainly Eva), or function as pilots for later works; others are standalone. Some are music videos, some are short films, some blur the lines. Some use a relatively standard anime style, some are CG, some have a unique design aesthetic. It’s an incredibly varied and cool collection.

^a brief clip from the psychic bomb that is Me! Me! Me!

I will write up a full breakdown of every film in the animator expo and what’s interesting about who made each one at a later date. Tonight let’s just watch the thing - it’s not short! So Animation Night 156 will begin pretty much right now; movies will begin in 10-20 minutes once people are in so please get over to twitch.tv/canmom and watch for as long as you like! ^^

See you there!

[writingsofwesteros]

exactly, the kings sister would offer her company to alicent, taking her on long strolls in the gardens, sitting by her side at the feast, having picnics and little parties with her most loyal ladies in waiting and the queen herself. this way alicent to become a not so easy target for ambitious men to creep on her and manipulate her, she's no longer alone. haha, I can only imagine harwin and criston spending a lot of time together as they guard their precious royal ladies. they might be friendly even, no drama there. larys is also not such threat to harwin this way, he's not an enemy of the queen, nor the strong heir - his oath strips his of all the possessions.

some background on the princess: she's somewhat a 'bad' targaryen: doesnt care about targ purity at all, would never harm her family but their crown or ugly iron throne means so little to her. she too find some aspects to of their 'culture' whack af. frankly, she's even surprised her egg hatched at all, her dragon is so pretty. it's a dragon lady, her colors are pastel and she's huge, she could fuck up any other dragons in the family lol. you know she took her devoted guard on a ride once he found courage to fly with her. the dragon can feel their love and is like "girl you're too are disgustingly sweet and horny, cool it down a little when you're with me". she's happy for her rider tho, she trusts harwin too.

how did harwin become her shield: her previous guard was getting too old, he served their family long before she was born. she kindly let him retire with a big allowance, he was like a father to her (ser barristan or harrold vibes). with heavy heart she took a look at the knights lined up before her to choose from. she immediately recognised harwin, he's used to visit a lot with his father. she found it odd that a potential heir of harrenhal would ditch his title and fortune, but she couldnt resist choosing him - they always get on well and there was such sweet tension between them anytime they met during harwin's visits, whether they were shy teens or now, approaching their young adult years. if she only knew how he defied his father, letting go his station, breaking his back to offer his services to the princess as soon as possible. lyonel admitted that there's a certain prestige to be a princess' sworn shield and after all, harwin was not his only child capable to inherit. and he always prefered spending his time training, fighting, and hunting rather than learning about formal duties.

they became inseparable and no one would question it so far, a good guard does always stand by his princess' side, does he not? every tourney he asks for her favor and since he often wins, she's his queen of love and beauty. it's not like he's supposed to court any other lady. haha the circumstances are very much in their favor so far, they can get away with quite a lot :)

Apparently, my mind is working over time about this. bless you for such a great idea! and yes, I will forever roll my eyes at the tapestry scene, fuck those men.

LOVE ALL OF THIS !

I can't possible even add!

I love how she doesn't feel so connected with her family traditions and her dragon sounds so beautiful and amazing.

....I see Alicent giving Rhaenyra the throne; her father can't whisper and they all move..maybe they get Dragonstone or go further..

sorry , just had the king's sister adopt Alicent and everything oopsie

[ominous-faechild]

Hello!!!!

For the WIP Title Tag, I would love to know more about The Faewildes if you feel so inclined!!

OH BOY, THE QUESTION I'VE BEEN MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO ANSWERING!!!! >:DDDD

Forgive me for taking a while to get to this, I've been busy and oh boy, does it have a lot to unpack and explain! And, heh, as I just "alluded" to... it's one of my favorite things in all of my writing! 🥰😙👌

I mean... "ominous-feychild" is a direct reference to them. 😏🤣

Fair warning: long post!

THE FAEWILDES!!!!

Let's break down the name. "Fae" refers to faeries. "Wildes"... well that's obvious. Must be a wild place, right? Except... why is it plural?

To my fellow DnD fans, it might ring some bells. Yes, it is almost a direct rip of the Feywild plane. Except... next to nothing like it. 🤭

There's a lot to explain about the Faewildes, which is kinda why I keep dancing around the subject, haha. In a previous post I just made, I explained what faeries are. Well, I'll get more into them here, but for now: I described them as "sentient clouds of magic." The Faewildes is the birthplace of all faeries, a place of pure, uncontrolled magic swirling about with no care as to what it's doing. Or... quite like a massive cloud of magic. Hm.

The Faewildes' Creation

Nobody can remember exactly when the Faewildes came to be, not even the oldest of the gods. All they can remember is the day the world was destroyed, and the Faewildes emerged through the cracks like a universe-wide tsunami sweeping over all, gods and humans alike.

All the gods know is that it's Chaos's fault. He destroyed the world, likely in a fit of anger with Order. He fucked up everything so entirely that the entire universe cracked. He caused everyone's misery just because... what?

Actually, you know what? Nobody cares! It's Chaos. He does this shit!

And nobody cares that he's in a coma now.

Wait, never mind. We all take that back, we care. Because he needs to stay like that. He fucked up the world, and he can pay for that crime. He deserves it.

Oh, Existences, I think I just got possessed by them for a second. Where were we? OH, RIGHT! The world got destroyed by Chaos, leading to the creation of the Faewildes as it tried "fixing" itself.

See, what Chaos did to destroy the world wasn't any sort of traditional "all natural disasters suddenly occur at once" or zombie apocalypse thing--he broke reality itself. And, unsurprisingly, reality doesn't really like being broken. So the Faewildes has been its way of resolving that issue.

I tend to refer it as a sort of "primordial soup of magic": it holds all the little pieces of the world until they come back together... even if it's not in the way they once were.

What are the Faewildes?

Now to get into the plurality--the Faewildes themselves are plural, though they're usually referred to as "the Faewildes" to those outside because, well... y'know. It's the Soup they're talking about, not the ingredients!

The Faewildes are technically a collection of thousands of Faewilde Planes--and each has their own unique traits, abilities, appearance, rules, etc. Many planes are fragments of what The World Once Was, only submerged in Magic and, most likely, Changed By It. This phenomenon is called "fae-touched", but we'll get into that later, haha.

While some Planes (what are essentially mini-universes) are fragments of The Old World, many more are Pure Faewildes--which means they're pure magic. A lot of them represent one kind of concept or the "essence" of something--like, say, the ocean, laws, nature itself, That One Tree Over There That's Lived Hundreds Of Years, all of bugkind, or the very existence of nonexistence.

This might not all make sense, but that's fine. Some refer to the Faewildes as "the Realm of Madness", and that's for good reason. Not everything has to make sense--a good bit of it follows Magic's dream logic. A realm of Void is simply... nothing.

I don't think I have to explain what happens if you step into it.

Those observant might've noticed something. (Or some things. 😏) Those, er, less observant or less obsessed with trying to figure things out probably didn't. 😂😅 I like to imagine people are interested enough in my stuff to try to figure things out, but that probably isn't the case, haha. Anyways!

I described some of the Planes to be made of "pure magic", they'll represent Something Or Another, and I even used colors on the "concepts" like I use for characters...

And, earlier, I referred to faeries as "sentient clouds of magic".

Oh, boy. You got me right.

Faeries are the Faewildes Themselves

Well, okay--not ALL of the Faewildes is a faerie. Just... a LOT of it.

Faeries are Things and Concepts Brought To Life. Those things have meaning in the magical mess that is the Faewildes, and they'll often develop consciousnesses if they're strong enough. This is how faeries are "sentient clouds of magic", represent concepts or beings, and yet are technically "people" in their own right.

After developing consciousnesses, faeries are able to control everything within their Plane, which I typically refer to as their "domain" or "pocket dimension".

Domain: noun; ✦ an area of territory owned or controlled by a ruler or government ✦ a specified sphere of activity or knowledge

In reference to faeries, their domain is both their "being" (ie, what their consciousness emerged from) and the semi-physical space that they both are and control.

Pocket Dimension--okay I'm sure I don't have to explain this one (and actually just don't have a definition to paste here 😂). My fellow science fans might want to raise the argument about the definition of "dimension", but that's not the point here--it's a term of phrase that people understand, so I use it, haha.

In short: being as they are their domains, faeries within "the Real World" (aka the relatively stable and unchanging world that isn't the Faewildes) are able to teleport into them at will.

Readers of my "Soren Magic Puppet Guardian" post might remember me mentioning that faeries have minor reality warping magic within the Real World. Well... within their domains, they have complete reality warping magic.

To clarify: faeries of things in the Real World don't have complete control over "their being" when it's Real. For example, Soren, noted faerie of the ocean, is not and was never capable of transforming it into, say, a bunch of snakes. However, he could've done so within his domain. While their power may come from Real Things, it is centered within the Faewildes themselves. Despite this, they are still incredibly powerful magic users within the Real World, able to manipulate their domains like a master practitioner.

The fluctuating rules and Existence of the Faewildes is partially because of the inherent reality warping abilities of faeries. They are not their bodies, though they often create them in order to "ground" themselves. Instead, faeries are their domains--and so the domain follows their whims like we blink. Thoughtlessly. It takes effort not to do so, and we'll always inevitably do it before long.

THIS WAS PART 1 OF (PROBABLY) 3!!!

There's a lot to say about the Faewildes, I've already put out a WHOLE BUNCH here, I'm excited to share this and see what y'all have to say, and I don't want to make THAT massive of a post, so I'm going to be splitting this up!!! I'd love to hear what you guys think of this, so feel free to leave comments!

Feel free to reblog and share! 😊

Part 2 |

Tag list: @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star @the-letterbox-archives

@aalinaaaaaa @paeliae-occasionally

Divider from @cafekitsune

[sixpennydame]

North Star ✶ Chapter 9

A Levi Ackerman x oc slow burn

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Series Masterlist | AO3

The New Year approaches, and Levi helps you learn to see your worth.

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my overthinkers, and those who think they're never good enough.

There. Right there. 

Levi smiled. 

If you’d blinked too long you might have missed it, but just as he said, “to life,” you saw his lips curl upward before he took a bite of the bread in his hand. 

You had made him smile. 

“You didn’t need to bother with this. But thanks. I appreciate it.”

The fire’s glow dances on the features of his face; the slope of his nose, the curve of his lips. His Adam's apple bobs as he takes a sip of his nightly tea. There’s a contentment in his eyes, a kind of peace. 

Annika said he’s different with you. Is he?  

Your mind wanders to that night in the cave, the heat of the fire and Levi’s arms pulling you back to this world. He’d held you so tightly, his body was so warm. Would he have truly held anyone else like that?  

Heat rises to your cheeks. You’re staring. Look away and eat the bread. Why is it suddenly difficult to swallow? 

Catherine, what in the world is wrong with you?

“Catherine?”

“Y-yes?” Pull yourself together. “Sorry…what did you say?”

“I have to work tomorrow. Will you be ok here by yourself?” Now he’s the one looking at you. 

“Of course. And I’m sure Annika will come by and keep me company.”

“Ugh. She’s gonna be here every day, isn’t she.” It’s more of an annoyed comment than a question. 

You chuckle. “More than likely.”

“As long as she doesn’t poke and prod me again, I suppose I can live with it.”

“If she moves back to Mursa like she plans, she could be your doctor,” you tease.

“Hell no,” comes his quick reply.

You laugh. He doesn’t smile, but instead watches you intensely, as if he’s trying to look deep inside you. You suddenly feel nervous, so you shift on the sofa and look away, taking another bite of bread.

“She’ll probably just help me clean, anyway.” Now that really gets Levi’s attention. He leans forward just slightly as you continue, “It’s tradition to clean in the five days between Jul and New Year’s Day. A sort of fresh start to the new year.”

“I like that tradition,” he replies, but he didn’t have to say anything for you to know he would. “I can help with that too.”

You also knew he would say that. “That’s kind of you, Levi, thank you.”

“Well, I live here, so..” his sentence trails off. A quiet rests over the both of you as you watch the fire slowly dying out, but there is an expectation of things being left unsaid.

Levi is the first to break the silence. “Some man from the town council came by the house while you were out of it a few days ago. Andersen, I think it was.”

“Oh he did? He’s the head of our town council.”

“He wanted to know what happened on the mountain. I explained the circumstances to him but,” Levi shifts, “he wants you to meet him and the other council members the day before New Year’s Eve to report.”

“Of course, that’s not a problem.”

“He also mentioned something about New Year’s Eve night. Something you’ll have to do?”

“Oh yes, that,” you sigh heavily. “The night before the new year is a special time for celebration. Families and households eat, drink, and dance all through the evening, until the sun rises. Watching the sun rise on the new year is a centuries old tradition for Mursians. A time when everything is new.”

“And what does that have to do with you?”

“Well, it’s tradition for the glevora to go from house to house throughout the night, allowing families to share food and drink with them. It’s their way of thanking the glevora for their hard work, and to honor them as the intermediary between this world and the next.”

Levi leans forward, placing his forearms on his thighs. He opens his mouth to speak, but you cut him off. “I know what you’re going to say, but don’t worry, I’m not going to do it.” 

He wants to ask why, but the sudden sadness in your eyes makes him decide that’s a question for another time. For now, he just wants to be in this moment with you.

The two of you stay up together until the last embers of the fire go out.

——- ✶ ——-

When you wake up the next morning, Levi has already left to work a few hours at the stables, but there’s a note from him on the kitchen table:

I’ve been taking care of the chickens and goats, so don’t worry about them. Just relax today.

 — Levi

It makes you smile that he signed his name on the note, as if there’s any other person in the house right now besides the two of you. 

But you’ve been relaxing enough the past several days. You want to busy yourself with something. There’s the year-end cleaning, of course, but that won’t be such a task this year; since Levi’s lived here the house has been immaculate. Just thinking about him brings a smile to your face. How is it that in the span of just a few months, he’s become such an important part of this house?

And then you realize something.

You rush back to your room and go straight to your storage closet, pulling out a basket with a few skeins of yarn and a half finished sweater.

A sweater you’d started for Levi.

In the late fall, you’d noticed that Levi didn’t have many clothing items appropriate for the cold, especially for the kind of winters he’d experience in Mursa. He did have a few flannel shirts; there was a green plaid one that you were particularly fond of seeing him in. And that’s when you’d decided to knit him a sweater. At that point, he’d already taken you to Fort Salta, and you were thinking of ways to thank him, but once you were chosen as glevora, you’d put it to the side and completely forgotten about it. 

You examine what you’ve accomplished so far. The body is finished for the most part, with only the arms remaining. You giggle to yourself when you think of how you’d had to determine Levi’s measurements, stealthily taking one of his henley undershirts to your bedroom one afternoon while he was at work. But you’d wanted it to fit, and wanted it to be a surprise. Now was the perfect time to finish it up.

After a quick breakfast and a cup of tea (you never drank coffee anymore, another one of Levi’s influences on you), you settled onto the sofa, a heavy wool blanket draped over your lap as you worked on one of the arms. 

Levi returned a few hours later, just after you’d put your knitting away for the afternoon and had started cleaning the windows. The days were so short, and you were scrambling to get it finished before a cozy darkness settled over the house. 

“Let me help you”, he says while rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. He crouches down to take the rag and sudsy bucket of water, and your eyes linger on him for a moment. His arms look so strong; you swallow hard as you think back to the ride down from the mountain, those same arms wrapped around you, forcing you to lean on him.

“What?” he asks bluntly. 

“Nothing,” you shoot back. “I’ll leave you to it and go clean the upstairs windows.”

In the days after Jul, you and Levi had settled into a comfortable routine: He’d work for a few hours at the stables while you knit, although you’d sometimes bake a holiday treat when the mood struck. You’d help each other clean the house, and by the end of the week, the house was glistening. 

And it all felt so easy, so natural, these days with just the two of you in the house. Levi knew exactly how you liked your tea and you knew that he didn’t like foods that were too sweet. He acted like he didn’t enjoy the few records you played on the gramophone, but would always turn the disk over for you. His knee would throb in the evening, so you’d prepare a hot water bottle for him to place on it.

And both of you would stay up just a little bit later every night, talk just a bit longer, until your eyelids would become heavy and he’d motion you to your room.

Deep in your heart, you didn’t want these long, cozy nights with Levi to end.

But as the time neared for your meeting with the council, your thoughts turned more and more negative. With New Year’s Eve now only a day away, you wondered: What would they think of Levi having to rescue you? Would they consider your job as glevora complete?

Catherine, can’t even do anything without Martin! You’re hopeless!

You blink, startled at the sudden memory that flashed through your mind. A painful thought of childhood bullying and cruelty, a crowd of classmates surrounding you as they laugh and taunt. Quiet, painfully shy, and an outsider by Mursa standards, you had always been an easy target, but Martin had always been there to stand up for you. Later on through the years, it was Annika. Sometimes, their presence would alleviate the taunting; sometimes, it only worsened the situation.

It made your palms sweat, wondering if you’d changed much from those childhood years. Were you still so weak and dependent on others? Perhaps Levi just saw you as a burden.

And now, maybe the whole town would see you that way. Weak, little Catherine - can’t even survive the task she asked to have. 

A knock on the door breaks you from your thoughts, and you're relieved to see that it’s Annika, a bottle of wine in her hand. “And how’s my darling friend today?” She gives you a kiss on the cheek before heading straight into the living room.

“I’m fine -  feeling stronger every day.”

“Good to hear.” She takes a wine glass from the hutch.

“Annika, I really shouldn’t drink right now. You of all people should know that.”

“Who said you get any of this?” She winks. “Actually, this is for later. I’m here on official business.”

 Annika had been visiting throughout the week and was now here to give you a full health checkup, per Levi’s request. She recounted the whole thing to you with a laugh.

“It looked like it physically pained him to ask me for a favor, poor man. As if I wouldn’t do anything for you.” she chuckled again as she held her stethoscope to your chest. “Give me a deep breath.” She listens intently as you take one breath, then another. “He also said you weren’t going to make the home visits.”

“Yes. I…don’t think I deserve it. I told everyone I could handle the job, and they put their faith in me. I’m sure they town is disappointed.”

“Those old cotters in the council think they know everything. I’m proud of you for challenging the status quo. That in itself takes strength.”

“I just wanted to make Martin proud.”

“You did. You are still.” Annika puts a hand on your leg. “I’ll come with you to the meeting tonight. I’d love to say a thing or two to them if they start belittling you.”

“No.” The answer came out more bluntly than you’d wanted, and you can see that it shocks Annika. “I mean, I want to do this myself. I need to do this by myself.”

No more letting other people fight your battles.

“Ok, suit yourself.” Annika can sense you closing yourself off - something she said hit a nerve. An awkward silence hangs between the two of you. “Well, I think it’s time for that wine.” She grabs the bottle and works on the cork.

——- ✶ ——-

The sun is already making its early descent behind the mountains as Levi returns from the stables, and he catches Annika just as she’s leaving the house. “Ah! It’s my new best friend,” she exclaims.

Levi responds by rolling his eyes. “How is she? Is her body recovering?”

“She is, and remarkably well. You’ve been taking good care of her.” There’s a tone in her voice that implies her comment is more than it seems, and it makes Levi lift an eyebrow. “But to be honest, I wish she’d ease up on herself. She thinks she’s failed.”

“Yeah, she’s her worst critic,” Levi responds, to which Annika shakes her head in agreement . 

“She’s been that way ever since she was young.” Annika takes a few steps away from the house, bristling at the cold, then turns to look back at Levi. “I’ll warn you: she’s been baking all afternoon.”

Immediately, when Levi enters, he’s welcomed with the familiar warmth and smells of your home: there’s a slight aroma of the polish he used on the floors last night, and he can feel his body warming up as he takes off his heavy winter layers. This home, he feels so comfortable here, like he’s lived here his whole life. He immediately feels at ease.

But as he walks closer to the kitchen, he’s hit with the scents of baking, and that’s his first sign of worry.

Because just like Annika, he knows you, and you bake when you’re stressed. It’s the third time this week and the house is already overflowing with various breads, cookies, and sweets.

He moves to the kitchen and sees you hunched over the table, kneading some dough with what Levi thinks is excessive force.

“What did that dough ever do to you?” He teases in that dry, humorless way he always does.

His voice startles you and you jump, turning around to see him leaning against the doorway. You wipe your face, some flour streaking across your cheek as you let out a long, tired sigh. “You can never have enough bread.”

The way you puff out your cheeks, the loose strands of hair framing the corners of your eyes - he’d think it cute, if not for the worried look on your face he hates to see. He hands you a handkerchief. “Usually, I’d agree with you, but you’ve made enough bread this week to feed a small army.” He walks to the stove to put the kettle on for his afternoon tea. “It’s not like you’ve never talked to the town council before. You’ll be fine.”

“I know, but..” you pause, fidgeting with Levi’s handkerchief, “…I’m just worried about what they’ll say.”

“I’ve told you, you can’t control what other people think,” comes his curt reply, but he knows how deeply you feel about things. How much you worry about what other people think of you.

He doesn’t like it, but he gets it. 

You slam down the dough in frustration. “I overworked it.” He watches you carefully as you throw the  sticky dough in the garbage bin. “I can’t seem to get anything right today.”

You’re on edge, and Levi’s not quite sure what he should say to you at this moment. Does he encourage you? Tease you for being too uptight? Ignore it all and let you huff and puff in peace? He really has no idea.

Women are a mystery.

He pours the now boiling water into a tea kettle and grabs a slice of spiced cake you’d baked earlier that day. “You want some?” He asks, gesturing to the tea.

“No thanks,” you answer, not bothering to look at him. “I need to get ready for the meeting anyway.”

“I should as well. It’s in an hour, right?” He throws the question out just as you follow him into the dining room.

“Are you going?”

“Andersen asked me to.”

“Why? I can do this myself.”

“I’m sure you can.” He sits down at the dining room table, pouring tea into his cup as you stand there, arms crossed. 

You sigh heavily. There’s nothing you can do about it if the council wants to talk with him. “Fine. I need to go get ready.” You throw the comment out before turning on your heels to go to your bedroom.

——- ✶ ——-

Snow crunches underneath your feet as you and Levi make your way to the town hall. Walking in the bitter cold, you’re thankful that Mursa is as small as it is, and that it takes only a few minutes to get from your home to the center of town. It’s a quiet walk as you hide your face beneath your muffler, but even the bitter cold can’t dull your mind from all the worry and doubt that has invaded your thoughts as of late.

When you walk into the town hall, the eight councilmen and women are waiting for you. They look at you both, their faces cold and unfeeling; instead of warm welcomes or congratulations on your accomplishment, you’re met with a heavy silence as you move to the back of the room. After the typical introductions of Levi to the council, they get straight to the point:

“What happened up there?” one of them asks.

“A storm moved in so quickly. The wind was strong, and it was a complete white-out. I did what I could to keep the fire going.”

You didn’t tell them that you ran off in search of Martin after hearing his voice. 

“And yet this man - this Outsider - had to come and get you,” another comments, his voice heavy with judgment.

“He’s not an Outsider - he’s my tenant, who’s lived here for almost six months,” you look at them defiantly, “and he’s my friend.”

Levi keeps quiet; he could see it was important for you to handle this on your own.

You continue, “I would have died up there had Levi not brought me down off that mountain.”

At that, one of the men scoffs. “Why were you not prepared for the storm? Did you not train for this? You’re not the first glevora to have to face difficult weather conditions.”

“See, this is why a woman has never been chosen as glevora,” yet another comments under their breath to another.

Weakling Cate, can’t do anything on her own..

“I did all that was required of me,” you answer, now keenly aware of all their eyes on you. Both your hands are in tight fists on either side of you, your fingernails digging into your palms. 

“Did you? How do we even know you completed the ceremony? What if they weren’t able to pass over because of your carelessness.”

Pathetic. Can’t even stand up for yourself without your bodyguards..

Memories of all the times you’ve felt inadequate attack you as steadily as their comments. You suddenly feel like you can’t breathe. What if they’re right? What if your meeting with Martin was just a delusion caused by your exhaustion and condition? You’d pressed for this position and had told them you were strong enough. You’d let them down, let Martin down. You lower your eyes and bow your head. “I…”

“Alright, enough. I can’t listen to this bullshit anymore,” Levi interrupts. “She completed the damn ceremony.”

“How would you know, Outsider? You know nothing of our ways or traditions.”

There was that damn word again. “Because as I told you,” he points to Mr. Anderson, “I experienced it myself.”

Your head shoots up and looks toward Levi, surprise written all over your face.

He doesn’t look at you, but straight ahead at the council. “I saw…a friend I lost three years ago. They spoke to me. It was real.”

“When I found Catherine, the fire was almost completely out, so I kept it burning until dawn, just as she’d told me to. Go up there and see everything for yourself.”

He tells them nothing about finding you wandering in the snow talking to Martin, a silent understanding between the two of you that what transpired was private. In fact, as he continues, he puts you in a much better light than you think you deserve. 

“I may be an Outsider, but I was there when she needed help. Where were you all? Safe and sound in your homes while Catherine risked her life.” Levi scans each member of the council with a judgmental air. 

The room goes silent for what feels like an eternity. Eventually, one of the younger council members speaks up. “If what you say is true–”

“It is.” Levi interjects. “I have no reason to lie to any of you. Catherine did her job and did it well. I just helped bring her down the mountain.”

The younger man smiles. “Then it seems that  the bridge was indeed opened, and the spirits were able to pass,” he looks at you and Levi, “thanks to the both of you.”

The council looks at each other, as if silently communicating. Mr. Anderson clears his throat. “It would seem so, however unusual it was.”

He stands. “In that case, Catherine, we accept the completion of your duties as glevora. You should visit houses tomorrow for the New Year; however, we require that Levi go with you.”

“What? Why?”

“He played a part in the completion of the ceremony, did he not? At any rate, he’s connected to this,” the councilwoman points a finger, “connected to you.”

You can feel their eyes still judging you. “That’s our final decision. Thank you for your service.” 

Was that sarcasm in their voice?

You turn and walk out of the town hall, into the cold darkness of the winter night. Levi follows behind you but doesn’t say a word the entire way home.

Your silence continues inside, your emotions quietly simmering below the surface. You pray that Levi will just leave you alone and go straight to his room.

But he doesn’t.

“What’s wrong? You’ve been acting strange all night.”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit.” You don’t respond to him, but instead walk straight to your bedroom door. He follows. “What are you so pissed off about? You got what you wanted from them, didn’t you? They accepted the completion of your duties.”

“Because of you. They accepted it because you completed the ceremony.”

“What does it matter?”

“It matters because I was supposed to complete it, Levi. Me. It was my job.”

You look away. “And I failed. I could see the disappointment in their eyes.”

“That’s stupid.”

His comment makes you see red. “So I’m stupid now to you?”

“No…shit… not you. Thinking you failed is stupid. And you need to realize that having someone help you doesn’t make you weak.”

“It’s not like you’d know how I feel. You’ve been strong your whole life. You’ve never had to rely on anyone.”

In any other circumstance, you would welcome and appreciate Levi’s advice. But the look on his face and the tone of his voice makes you feel like a schoolgirl being reprimanded by her teacher, and that infuriates and embarrasses you. You don’t need him telling you that how you feel is stupid, and you don’t want him telling you what to do. 

“Someone like you wouldn’t understand - I’ve never been strong like you, or Martin, or Annika. All of you… have…” Martin’s face flashes in your mind, “had something to give to the world. I’m…nothing…”

“Don’t you ever say that, you hear me? Don’t you ever think that your life isn’t worth something.”

Levi has spun you around to face him and grabbed you by the shoulders. 

“I’m tired of watching you beat yourself up again and again, like you’re some kind of damned punching bag. When I met you in that hangar at Fort Salta, after you lost Martin and your child, you could have given up then and there, but you didn’t. You pushed through. You found your way back to Mursa when the whole world had gone to shit and you helped rebuild your community. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

His grip on you becomes tighter. “When are you going to realize? You mean something to me.” A pause, Levi’s eyes going wide. “To Mursa. You mean something to Mursa.”

“What?” The question comes slowly, quietly. 

Realizing his sudden confession and that his fingers are digging into your shoulders, he quickly lets go. “N-Nothing. Forget what I said. Fuck,” he says quietly to himself, refusing to look at you while opening the door of his bedroom. “Goodnight.”

His door clicks shut, and you’re left by yourself in the hallway in front of your bedroom, even more confused and conflicted than you were before.

——- ✶ ——-

You’re not sure when you were finally able to fall asleep last night. After the emotional confrontation with Levi, you found yourself restless, turning over and over in your mind the words he’d said to you:

“You mean something to me.”

Five little words that can imply so much. You knew Levi cared about you - that was evident by his actions on top of Mount Aspe. But could his care be more than friendship?

And if it was, what would you do about it?

Because in your heart, you knew that Levi meant something to you too, and that scared you. But maybe, it was time to be brave, and to face those feelings that had been building up for the last several months. 

It’s time you faced a lot of things. Last night made that abundantly clear. 

In the silence of the early morning, you tiptoe over to the small desk in the corner of your room and take out pen and paper. It’s the final day of the year, a time for letting go and looking forward. And so one last time, you write the words:

My dearest Martin,...

As you write you can hear Levi preparing for work. His footsteps creak through the hallway and you could have sworn he stops in front of your door for a few seconds before finally walking down the hallway and out of the house. You stay in your room until you know he’s really gone, not quite ready to face him yet.

But he’s on your mind all day. You think of him as you change the bed linens and put the finishing touches on your now gleaming house you and he had cleaned; as you feed chickens and goats, knowing he’d been doing this for you as you recovered; and finally, as you placed the sweater you knit for him in a festive box and tied it with a bow. 

When he returns later that evening, you meet him almost instantly in the doorway. 

“I’m sorry about last night,” you say, getting straight to the point before he even has time to take off his coat. “It was wrong of me to lash out at you like that.”

“It’s fine, really,” is his reply, taking off his boots and placing them next to the door. “You’ve had a lot going on lately. And it’s not my place to tell you what to do or how to feel.”

There’s no hard feelings, and you could leave it like that, but there’s a stirring in your heart that makes you want to tell him everything. “It’s just that… I wanted to do something that made a difference, on my own. To not be someone’s burden. I’m just some orphan that was found in the woods. The only time I’ve ever found meaning was through Martin. He gave me a reason to live, and made me feel like I was worth something. And that love, that acceptance…I depended upon it. When he died, I lost all that. I wanted to show him - show everyone - that I have worth, that I can contribute something to this community on my own.”

Levi looks in your eyes, so full of worry and concern. “Do you think just because I am - was - strong that I didn’t rely on my comrades? Believe me, if I could have done it all myself, I would have, but I was nothing without the rest of the Survey Corps. Needing my or anyone’s help doesn’t make you weak, Catherine.”

He wants to tell you how incredibly lonely it was, being the strongest. That although he was surrounded by friends and comrades that cared for him, the fear of not being able to protect them was sometimes overwhelming. 

And if he was being really honest, he’d tell you that he had been afraid of losing you too. 

You want to tell him that the real problem is that for the first time in years, Levi has made you feel emotions you thought you’d only ever feel for Martin. You’re afraid you’ll end up depending on him more than you should. 

Both of you keep those deeper feelings hidden away, not quite ready to face what the other might say. And neither of you bring up what Levi said last night. To break the awkward silence, you walk over to the sofa in the parlor, pick up a box, and hand it to Levi.

“What’s this?”

“It’s for you. A late Jul present.”

“I didn’t know that was a thing,” he frowns, “And I didn’t get you anything.”

“Consider it a birthday present then.”

He looks at the brown box in his hands. There's a plaid bow tied atop it with a little tag:

To Levi. — C

He pulls at the ribbon and then lifts off the top of the box. “A sweater?”

“Yeah,” you blush, “I…made it. I hope you like it.”

He lifts it up out of the box. It’s the darkest shade of hunter green, and soft to the touch, but hefty enough that it feels like it could take some wear and tear. 

“You made this?” he asks gently. He’s not sure if he’s ever had anyone make him anything before, and certainly not something like this. For you to take the time and to care enough…he doesn’t know what to say. 

“You didn’t have to do this.”

You frown. “I’m not the best knitter. It’s ok if you don’t like it.”

Shit. That came out wrong.

“No, no, I like it,” he quickly replies, “I really do. It’s just..you didn’t have to go through all this trouble for me.”

It seems that his reply gave you a little bit of relief, because you smile at him. “You didn’t have to go through the trouble of bringing me down from that mountain, but you did. And I can’t thank you enough. For…everything.”

He looks at the detailed work. You did all this. For him.

“Well…thank you.” He gently folds it and puts it back in the box. “I need to take a bath and get ready for tonight’s events…”

He walks toward his bedroom, not wanting you to see the blush slowly forming across his cheeks.

While Levi bathes, you get dressed for the evening; but as you put on your dress, your thoughts again turn to him (as they so often do these days). Did he like the sweater? Was he just being polite?

Your questions are answered as you walk into the living room and see Levi, dressed in navy blue pants, brown boots, and the sweater you made him. Just as you had thought, the dark green matches his complexion perfectly and it fits him just right. 

Your gaze brings a slight blush to his face. “It’s nice.” He brushes the front, as if straightening invisible creases. “...and warm.”

“I’m glad you like it,” you smile, trying not to look too ecstatic. “It looks good on you.”

You’re wearing a dark navy blue dress with a large, white collar and three gold buttons down the front. It was loose and hung off your body in a straight line, but flowed lightly each time you took a step. You’d braided your hair and pinned both plaits up like a crown on your head.  

“You look nice too,” he manages to get out. His eyes dart away and he clears his throat. “We should probably get going if we’re gonna do this all night.”

Both of you put on your heavy coats and scarves and step out into the dark, wintery world. It’s a still, clear night and the stars are on full display. As you step past the gate of your home you stop to admire them all, each twinkling at different rhythms as if listening to their own private symphony.

“So beautiful..” you say.

“Yeah..” Levi responds. But he’s not looking at the sky.

There’s a muffled silence surrounding you both, but as you make your way closer to town the air is filled with distant music and laughter. 

“So, whose house is first?” Levi asks.

“We’ll go to the house with the biggest family and biggest celebration in town.” You pause, letting out a smoky breath. “Annika’s family.” 

You hear Levi let out a long sigh and it makes you laugh. “Did you really think you were going to get through tonight without seeing her?” you tease.

“As long as she doesn’t talk my ear off and there’s alcohol, then I’ll be fine.”

Both of you walk past a large, controlled bonfire burning in the center of town. A few people walk by and throw things in the flames: a coat, a letter, a book. You stop and feel its warmth hit your face, then you take out a letter from the pocket of your coat.

Levi looks at you with a puzzled look on his face. “This is the final act of saying goodbye to those who have passed on the bridge to the next world.” You take off your wedding band and place it in the envelope. Bringing it to your lips, you whisper something to the paper before throwing it into the fire.

“What are you doing? That was your wedding band!” Levi exclaims.

“The ring was a symbol of our love in this world, but he’s no longer of this place. I have to let him go. It’s the way it’s done.” A tear runs down your cheek, which you quickly wipe away. “I’m not sad anymore…it’s just hard…saying goodbye.”

Levi doesn’t say a word as you both spend a few moments looking into the flames, a few other people walking past to say their own goodbyes. You take a deep breath, centering yourself.

“Let’s go.”

——- ✶ ——-

As one of the founding families of Mursa, the Larsen home was surprisingly small. Placed neatly in the center of town, it was as if they’d built the house and the town itself had grown steadily around it. Because of this, they would often hold their New Year’s Eve celebration in the Community Hall, only a block away. 

When you and Levi arrive at the doors to the hall, you can already hear the band playing and people talking and laughing. You’ve barely seen anyone since you descended Mount Aspe and you wonder how they will all react to you. 

As if Levi’s noticed your hesitancy, he puts a steady hand on the small of your back; a small gesture of encouragement that, for some reason, seems to make the butterflies in your stomach flutter even more. 

“You ok?” he asks. 

You take a deep breath. “I’m fine. Let’s do this.”

The warmth of the room hits first, then it’s the realization that all the eyes in the room have settled on the two of you. Annika is making a b-line directly to you from across the room, but not before her father steps in.

It’s not too late to just turn and leave, you think to yourself.

“Our glevora is here!” he shouts. “To Catherine –” he pushes himself between the two of you and raises his mug, “ – and Levi Ackerman, who assisted her in the fulfillment of her duties!”

The crowd cheers and suddenly people are all around you, helping you take off your coat and pulling you into the room. You look back and see Levi being pulled in another direction, a mug of ale already placed in his hand. 

“Welcome, glevora,” Annika says to you in reverence, as she pulls you close to her and places her forehead against yours. “Mursa is so lucky to have you.”

——- ✶ ——-

The rest of the night is a frenzy of singing, drinking, and dancing for the Mursians Levi meets that night; no longer a stranger in their eyes as one group introduces him to the other. He had already become known in town for taming Demon, but his actions on Mount Aspe and saving you, a Mursian, made him even more well-known and liked. One house celebration after another was visited, each one more welcoming and accommodating than the next. 

There was no condemnation in their words, no judgmental glares, no mentions of Outsider. Only gratitude and hospitality. Everyone acknowledged what strength it took to do what you did. What both of you did.

And through it all he watches you - smiling and bowing shyly when people compliment you. He notices how you close your eyes when you sing one the Mursian traditional New Year songs that’s sung at every home you visit. It’s as if he can see the burden you’d been carrying for the last several days suddenly being lifted off your shoulders. Perhaps the burden of sadness you’ve been carrying for these past three years. Watching you singing and laughing, he found himself smiling in warmth and contentment.

Maybe it was just the alcohol.

The parties show no sign of letting up as the nighttime turns into the early morning hours. It should be dawn soon, and Levi notices the exhaustion on your face. Seeing an opportunity to steal you away, he grabs your coat and takes your arm gently.

“I think it’s time for us to be on our way.”

“But the sun hasn’t come up yet,” you object.

“We can watch it from home.”

Home.

It surprises him how easy it was to say that. 

You are tired, and it doesn't take much coaxing from Levi for you to put on your winter layers and prepare for the walk home. On the way, you pass by the bonfire, now only smoking embers.

“How do you feel?”

“It went better than I could have imagined,” you say. “Everyone was so kind and appreciative. I suppose I’d underestimated myself.”

“I was talking about physically, but I’m glad you realized how important you are to everyone here.” 

“You’re important to this community too, you know.” You smile at him. “You’re a Mursian now.”

“Hmm..am I now?” He chuckles quietly. “I guess there could be worse things.”

Another smile. You note that they’re not so rare anymore.

As soon as you arrive home, you head straight for the kitchen. Levi follows and finds you looking out of the large window overlooking Mirror Lake and the mountain range beyond. He stands next to you and joins in gazing over the horizon.

“I feel different somehow,” you say as the sky changes from dark blue to purple. “Like I’m on the precipice of something.”

“That’s good.”

You’re standing so close to him that your knuckles hit his hand. You decide to move a finger and brush it against his.

He responds by moving a finger of his own. It gently caresses the back of your hand. Such a light touch, but it gives you butterflies in your stomach.

Neither of you acknowledge the other’s movements, as if it’s some natural occurrence neither of you can control. 

The sky begins to lighten little by little as you both look out the window. “So…what happens now?” Levi asks.

You’re not sure if he’s asking about the sunrise or the fact that you’re both holding hands now, his fingers interlaced with yours. You decide to answer the former.

“I’ll show you.”

You turn towards him and he mirrors your movements. The warm pinks and purples of the morning shine on his face, giving him an almost angelic glow.

You lean in close and kiss him on his right cheek. “A kiss for the old year...”

Levi is frozen as you then move to his left cheek. “…and a kiss for the new.”

Your lips move slowly away from him, but you stop to look into his eyes, which at first meet your gaze. You want to reach up and touch him, but he beats you to it, his thumb moving across your cheek then down to your jaw. The butterflies in your stomach have now turned to a heat deep in your core. 

It shouldn’t be this easy to care for someone else.

Lips mere millimeters from each other, begging for the other to make a move. 

All it takes is the smallest of leaps for everything to change.

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