#First world problem but still mildly annoying

[themoomoorn]

Low key I wish half the fandom had even an iota of these here brain cells because nothing grinds my goat more than slapping a modern Vicky's Secret bra and panty set on Byleth in 90% of fics and calling it a day.

Then again...

If you slap gauntlets on any girl in their OA uniform and have them KO a unit, they do a set of kicks as a victory pose and they wind up flashing the viewer ._. and a couple of them are either wearing what appear to be modern boy short-type panties...or just straight up classic cut panties, and this does include female Byleth if she's in the school uniform costume. Byleth also gets a very modern-looking pair of crew socks too. The shawls that Ashe and Bernadetta have also vaguely resemble hoodies, and there's Dorothea's hat...

If the braincells rubbed for a hot minute, you could argue that the clashing eras of clothing <i>could</i> be remnants of trickle-down clothing trends from the ultra-modern Agartha...but then I remembered this is FE, and even in games with better design cohesion like Tellius you get characters like Vika wearing something off a 2000's runway show. Fie, alas.

Fódlan dress theories:

Underwear

They must wear underwear, but the silhouettes and exposed skin show that it's not the underwear of an equivalent period of earth history, but I doubt they have the materials for modern underwear, with its rubber elastic and foam. So, what would they wear?

We can see on Raphael that the closest garment to the skin for men (at least in the officers academy) is a shirt fastened with buttons:

Shirts of an equivalent time in Europe wouldn't open in the front, but that's not really relevant. I imagine the shirt is made of linen for easy laundering.

As for the bottom, I assume that men and women alike wear linen braies. They can probably be omitted by people wearing long skirts and not riding horses in favor of bare pussy for ease of toilet access when wearing an outfit that makes taking off underpants difficult/time consuming. They're probably short and close fitting, making tight pants easier to wear without obvious panty lines. My evidence besides history:

Look at those little shorts.

As for the apparent leggings some of the girls wear

I bet those are woolen hose, which fasten to the braies.

What about bust support, though? Well, the lifted silhouette is more like a modern push-up bra than anything else, but since I'm assuming they don't have the elastic and foam those are made of, my next guess is regency style short stays

They give considerable lift to the bust without giving a particularly distinctive silhouette like a longer support garment would.

Now, we get one mention of underwear in the game, and that's Dorothea's lost piece of cloth, which was unrecognizable as clothing to Caspar, so I'm assuming it's an unshaped rectangle. My hypothesis on the purpose of this cloth, which I have no historical evidence for, is that it wraps around the torso under the stays to serve at a buffer between the tough, but difficult to launder stays, and the sweaty, sensitive skin. We see no evidence of a chemise or shirt over Dorothea's ample bust, while a wrapped rectangle could be positioned directly at the stay line for total concealment, held on solely by the stays, would have a plenty of wiggle room for weight gain, and only requires hemming, making it a solid skin layer option for a lady on a tight budget who wants to show off her assets. Although given the lack of obvious voluminous chemises on any of the ladies, this could be a common choice across social classes.

Then..... There are the people who don't seem to have underwear on their torsos at all.

I'd guess that Judith is relying on clever tailoring for support, Dorothea's armored girdle does the job for her, and Manuela actually has something really interesting going on, with her bodice being laced close under the bust, and then the breast cups suspended from her neckband for lift. I want to try making that dress.

However, the pre-automatic washing machine laundress in me is screaming at the good fabric right next to the skin. I want to believe that these garments have removable linen linings where they touch skin. Maybe that's what's tied across the back of Dorothea's shoulders.

[ode2rin]

1 | ANYONE BUT YOU .ೃ

summary. as lines get blurred, hearts get flustered, and a scheme ensues, your brother's best friend suddenly seems way more interesting than he used to be.

content/warnings. 5k+ wc (part 1/3) reader has little to no college friends | reader hates kaiser's guts | PROTECTIVE kaiser lol | | pet names (dollface) & a lot of profanity (it's kaiser) | minimal proofread

💭 masterlist | next part

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I can go with you anymore.”

Your ears were ringing.

After the words hung over the line, a heavy silence descended, punctuated only by the dull thud of your heartbeat echoing in your ears. The phone line seemed to distort, and the world beyond reduced to a distant murmur as a disorienting ringing filled your ears. Yet, despite the shock rippling through, you managed to maintain a facade.

“Ah, I see. It’s no problem. See you around!” Your chirped voice made you cringe internally, but it was a better front than sounding like a defeated kid whose mom said no over a piece of candy at a grocery store.

Before he could say anything else, you clicked the end button faster than he could spew some tacky excuse. Throwing your phone to the side, you settled onto your bed, lying on your back, staring at the uninteresting ceiling of your room.

Sure, it was no problem at all— the music festival was just six hours away, and your date had just canceled on you over the phone. It’s no big deal facing your college blockmates without a companion as initially planned, and it’s totally not a problem that you will most likely be a third– hell, a seventh wheel, actually, and have them talk behind your back – speculating about why you're going alone or if you were just making it up that you had someone to bring.

Yes, it’s not a fucking problem at all.

You don’t even like the artist lineup, anyway (maybe you’re mildly interested with one band that’s attending).  You wouldn’t bother if you weren’t just a sophomore still trying to find a group of friends you can call your own. It's embarrassing enough that freshmen even had it better than you. It’s not a race, for sure, but in college– the truth lies blatant that support systems help. A lesson you learned the hardest way.

“Y/N? Are you in there?” Three soft knocks on your door and a muffled voice, surely coming from your older brother, interrupted your pity party.

“Yes. Come in,” you confirmed. The door creaked open, revealing a mop of magenta hair leaning over your door frame.

“There’s food downstairs. We ordered your favorite.”

“We?”

“Kaiser is downstairs.”

Of course, he is. 

Your brother’s best friend must have really taken it to heart when your mom told him he can treat your family as his own. Too deep into his heart, if you could comment. You see him around the house more than you see your parents, and if that wasn’t tiresome enough, he’s literally a damn superstar in your university. Every corner, every room, in halls and library, everyone can’t seem to be over his name like a broken record.

You wouldn’t be this annoyed, hostile even, if said man was just as nice as your brother. But instead, he was far by the most obnoxious, foul-mouthed, arrogant prick you’ve ever known. Alexis should have never kicked some ball with that conceited oaf a decade ago. Life would have been so much better. But no— reality is, the bane of your existence in the form of blonde hair and sharp blue eyes, is in your house’s kitchen, probably gulping down your favorite drinks in the fridge. 

If you can’t seem to have friends, your older brother seems to be goddamn bad at picking his.

“Hey, dollface. Missed me?” Speak of the damn devil and he shall appear.

The first thing you’re met with after coming down is a sight of Michael Kaiser, sitting high and comfortably on one of the counter’s bar stools. Your gaze trails down to his hand where you see a peek of his crown tattoo— and would you look at that? He’s holding a can of your Coke Zero.

“Oh, so that’s why my life was going sideways again,” you feigned a sigh in disappointment, making sure it was loud enough for him to hear, “because you’re back.”

In your unwanted years of knowing this guy, you’ve soon realized that none of your words, no matter how sharp or snarky they get, would ever faze him. Evidence would be how he just openly chuckled at your remark. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I missed you and your smart mouth, too. Don’t worry.”

“Trust me, worry is not in the list of emotions I would ever feel for you.”

“Well, does attraction make it to the list?”

Years ago, perhaps it would have. Not that he needs to know—no chance. Your silly childhood crush on him was your deepest, darkest mistake. You might be overdramatic, but this was Michael Kaiser, and god, you would rather get caught having feelings for anyone but him.

Rolling your eyes at him, you sneer, “You wish.”

“Oh, trust me, I do wish,” he mocks your tone.

“Fuck off.” 

“That won’t get rid of me, I’m afraid,” he shrugs before winking at you. You shook your head in annoyance.

You took the seat across from him and settled. You were about to lean to reach the box of pizza at the other end of the countertop, when Kaiser reached for it first and placed it in front of you.

You turned to look at him, half expecting a smirk or yet another wink from the blonde, but instead, he was preoccupied browsing on his phone as if his body moved on its own to attend to you.

You shrugged off the weird occurrence and turned all attention to the pizza and its heavenly scent sipping through the gaps of its box, just in time for Alexis to take the seat next to his best friend. You drowned the noise of their conversation as they started talking about last away games.

Your brother and Kaiser had been the most valuable players of your university’s soccer team for as long as you’ve remembered. They were two years older, so by the time you entered university, they were already making big names in the field. Rumors had it that there were already offers lining up at their feet.

If you come to think of it, it wouldn’t be this hard making friends if you would just be vocal about being Alexis Ness’ younger sibling, but the limelight and pretentious popularity it came with was something you wouldn’t wish upon yourself. You wanted real and genuine friends, not people who wanted to be around you because it was a step closer to your brother and his best friend.

Like earlier, Alexis’ voice came reaching your eardrums, snapping you out of your thoughts. After hearing what he had to ask, though, you wished you had a way to physically block out his words.

“Are you not going to get ready for the festival?” your brother asked, meanwhile, his dear friend seemed to take great interest in what you’re about to say as both of them peered over you.

“Not going anymore,” you said, as nonchalant as you could to play pretend.

“Why? You’ve been looking forward to it the whole week.”

Heat crept into your ears and cheeks as embarrassment filled you. Sure, you might not be prancing around being all excited about it, but if your brother was able to notice it, your enthusiasm must have been evident then. God, you felt like an utter fool now.

“It got canceled,” you looked away from them.

Alexis looked at you with furrowed brows, “What do you mean? It’s not–”

“My date canceled on me. I’m not going anymore to save face and not make a fool out of myself. There, happy?” you snapped.

Before you could even feel the guilt from bursting out unprovoked to your brother, you swiftly got up from the stool heading back to your room, leaving the two of them in the kitchen looking concerned contrarily. One with worried eyes glancing at your room hesitantly, and the other one with a clenched jaw and narrowed eyes.

It seemed everyone was testing your patience today, as for the second time, your ears rang—not from a last-minute cancellation this time, but from the persistent sound of your ringing phone.

Your heavy eyes fluttered open, weighed down by the sleep from your ignoring-the-world nap after the exchange with your supposed date and your brother. Disoriented and groggy, you reached out, fingers fumbling to check the caller deserving of your unrelenting fury.

Kaiser, the screen read, and suddenly, the urge to throw your phone at the nearest wall almost overwhelmed your senses.

But you answered the call anyway, because logic says that he was still your brother’s closest, and sometimes, that warranted a call that might be about him.

“I swear to god this better be important–”

“Get ready,” he interrupted.

“What?”

“Look out your window.”

Groaning, you rose to your feet, moving your drapes aside to see what awaited outside.

Outside your house’s gates, a midnight blue sports car, all too familiar, was parked across the driveway. Its owner leaned lazily over its door, one hand in his pocket while the other held his phone pressed to his ear, looking right back at you with that shit-eating grin.

“What the hell are you on?” you muttered into the phone.

You instantly closed the drapes after meeting eyes with him.

It’s infuriating—He’s infuriating. But damn, does he look good when he smiles like that. And it’s not helping your case that he was clad in loose-fitting denim pants and a black shirt, sufficiently showcasing both his tattoo and his lean yet toned build.

It’s sorcery how he makes simple and ordinary clothing look like it was screaming high-end and luxury. Only he can do that, you admit.

“As I said, get ready,” he repeated over the phone, “We only have less than two hours before your music festival or something starts.”

He’s taking me to it? “Why?”

Only one word in response, yet the two of you understood what you’re pertaining to. Silence filled the line for a moment before you heard a subtle click of his tongue.

“Because you look ugly when you sulk,” and he hung up.

You should be irritated at him hanging up abruptly and calling you ugly, but for some reason you don’t know, it puts a smile on your face. 

The first one today.

Kaiser wishes he had a bigger car— which one would deem ridiculous, given that his car could easily match the price of two or even three minivans.

But if it meant having you sit not so close that your scent infiltrates his senses beyond his sound judgment, he’d gladly trade his lambo for a minivan any day.

You were intoxicating— not akin to the grip of liquor, because it would be inadequate in comparison. But rather intoxicating in the same way as the irresistible magnetism that beckons a madman to its vices.

And he must be really mad because you weren’t even sitting shoulder-to-shoulder close to him. You’re sitting comfortably at the passenger seat, a good distance in between, and yet he acts like a raging teenager who got locked up with his crush in the utility room. It is absolutely embarrassing, even for someone like him.

“Did Alexis ask you to do this?” you suddenly inquired, your gaze fixed on your side of the car.

Thank heavens you broke the silence first, because who knows what ungodly phrases he would come up with in an attempt of small talk with you?

“No. Though I bet he would have taken you himself,” he snorted, of course your brother would, “If our coach weren’t so pissed at him these days.”

Ah, so that explained why you hadn't seen Alexis around the house before hopping into Kaiser's car.

Momentarily, you turned to him. It was so swift that he might have missed it if he wasn’t so hyper aware of your every move in this damn confined space. “Is he in trouble?” you inquired to the blonde, your voice concerned and hesitant.

“Nothing you have to worry about, doll.”

“Stop with the nicknames,” you hissed, attempting to intimidate. 

Unfazed, he countered with a cheeky “Make me,” under his breath. His smirk practically audible, even without you glancing his way.

Silence overtook between the two of you once more. You fixated on the road ahead, noting the nearing destination as the glow of the festival stage lights peeked into view.

It’s your chance— your chance to release the words that have lingered at the edge of your tongue since he urged you to get ready almost an hour ago. You stole a glance at the man driving beside you. His eyes focused on the road, his left hand steady on the steering wheel while his timepiece-adorned hand rested comfortably on the gearshift. In another frame of mind, you might have found yourself lost in the rhythm of his long, slender fingers tapping against it. You snapped out of it before he could point it out.

You stole one last glance before turning away to whisper, “Thank you… Kaiser.”

Instead of saying welcome like a polite person would, your companion would of course, choose to say something as, “You owe me something now.”

Of course, you thought. Mentally rolling your eyes, you ask, resigning to his antics, “What do you want?” 

“Call me by my name.”

“Did you not hear? I said, thank you Kai–”

“The one you used to call me.”

Mikka.

It was a silly nickname you gave him– back when Alexis first brought him home for snacks nearly ten years ago. He and Alexis were eleven, and you were barely nine.

You remembered the blonde kid, all sweaty in his mud-stained clothes, clutching a worn-out ball by his hip, his gaze fixed on you with curiosity. “This is Kaiser,” your brother introduced, but the blonde stranger approached you, extending his hand.

“I’m Michael.”

“That’s… long.”

“What?”

“Your name– it’s long,” you echoed, looking up at him, “can I call you ‘Mikka’?”

“What?” Kaiser’s deep voice sliced through your reminiscence. “You had no problem calling me that before,” he pointed out.

“That’s before you beat up the boy you knew I like,” you scoffed at him, a familiar pettiness clouding your mind.

He chuckled at your retort, seemingly lost in his own memories. “Beat him up on the soccer field, you mean,” he corrected, though he wouldn’t particularly mind if it were an actual fight.

“Same thing.”

“Oh, come on! It was highschool!”

“Your point?” you countered.

“He was a snotface, anyway.” he rationalized.

“He was nice to me!”

“I suggest you rather get a dog instead— if nice is all you need. I heard dogs are fun to be around,” he sneered, “What do you think of pomeranians?”

You brushed off his question, preferring the depths of silence over the hypothetical responsibility of tending to a pup that bore more than a passing resemblance to him, both in appearance and, perhaps, in demeanor.

“I knew agreeing to come here with you was a mistake,” you sighed, exasperation lacing your words.

Surprisingly, Kaiser offered no retort. Taking his silence as a cue for your own, you settled into quietness, hoping for a peaceful remainder of the drive. Minutes drifted by until Kaiser broke the stillness with a whisper loud enough for you to catch.

“He was a slimy jerk,” he began, pausing as if hinting his careful choice of words, “and he was nice to you because he was trying to get into your pants.”

“How did you know?” you asked, meek and shy, fumbling with your fingers in your lap.  Seeking love advice and opinions from none other than the mighty Kaiser seemed absurd, but maybe, wisdom might sometimes fare well with age.

“Trust me when I say I know how boys can be,” he scoffed, a displeased furrow settling in his brows. “He wasn't the gentleman you thought he was.”

“And you? Are you a gentleman?”

Before you could stop your thoughts from escaping your rebellious mouth, the words spilled out like water through a breached dam. The lack of response from him compelled you to chew on your lip and fix your gaze on the road, refusing to spare even a glance his way, despite feeling his stare burning into the side of your face.

Meanwhile, Kaiser was aware he might be staring too long at your side for someone controlling a vehicle, but he couldn't help it. Not when you caught him off guard with a simple question, and especially not when you were trying so hard to avoid looking at him, your discomfort palpable in the air. You looked so cute—it made his mouth twitch.

Staring ahead at the road, he contemplated your question, needing no more than a minute to reach his conclusion.

When a man looks at his best friend's younger sibling in a way he shouldn’t, he’s not deserving of the title “gentleman.”

He was far from it, he concluded. With one last glance thrown your way before bringing the car to a full stop, he muttered in an uncharacteristically soft tone.

“Especially not one, doll.”

“Y/N! Over here!” a familiar voice cut through the cacophony, prompting you to scan the crowd until you finally spotted them.

Relief flooded over you at the sight of a familiar face amidst the crowd. Checking your phone had proven to be a wise decision; otherwise, you might have spent the night searching aimlessly through the vast expanse of the venue.

The venue stretched out before you was a kaleidoscope of sights and sounds that danced upon the senses. Laughter and chatter mingled with applause and the occasional roar of approval as performers graced the stage. 

Everywhere you looked there was movement and so much life. Yet amidst the bustling crowd and pulsating music, one figure occupied your thoughts more than anything else.

Kaiser's towering 6-foot frame loomed behind you, his broad shoulders carving a path of confidence through the crowd. He stood behind you like an immovable rock amidst a rushing river. And if your senses weren't deceiving you, you swore you felt the occasional brush of his hand against the small of your back, gently guiding you forward.

He was so close behind you that his breath on your nape soaked into your skin like ointment— warm to the touch, yet icy on your spine.

“Where's your date?” one of your blockmates inquired after the initial pleasantries were exchanged.

The question lingered, and suddenly, all eyes were on you. Mentally counting heads, you realized you were really on track to be the seventh wheel if you attended without a companion. Speaking of companions— you turned behind you with the intention of introducing Kaiser (not that they didn’t know him already), but your intention faltered when you noticed the scowl on his face.

“I’m the date, if you couldn’t tell,” he interjected. 

From his vantage point, he observed the widening of your eyes at his declaration. Yet, when he didn’t hear any immediate retaliation from you, he flashed you— and everyone else watching— a lopsided smirk. He sensed your blockmates’ curiosity lingering, some perhaps wondering if he was truly dating you. But none of them dared to probe further—maybe because he wasn't exactly the approachable type.

After a few murmurs of ‘oh’ and ‘really’ from your blockmates, they returned their attention to the stage, where the next performer was beginning their pre-performance monologue.

You, on the other hand, look like you were out for his blood from how you’re glaring at him. “Are you out of your mind?” you hissed under your breath, just loud enough for him to hear.

Yes. Perhaps he was. Irrationality had seized him upon hearing the question. After all, he was there with you, visible for all to see. Did they not see him? Did he look like a fucking chair to those people? Common sense must be a luxury these days, given its absence in this situation.

Yet, a small voice of reason within him attempted to intervene, suggesting that the question might have stemmed from genuine curiosity.

As his best friend's younger sibling, seeing the two of you together wasn't an unusual occurrence for those who attend the same university. They likely concluded that your presence with him at the music festival was simply a matter of normal friendship (which it was, but they don’t have to know that, nor does he desire for these extras to reduce it to just that).

“I’m helping you save face like you said earlier,” he tells you, still wearing that annoying smirk.

“How does telling them you’re my date help me save face?” If anything, you'd be hiding on campus after his stunt. You could only hope words won’t travel fast.

“Would you rather I tell them I'm chaperoning you because some jerk canceled on you?”

Your words stalled at the base of your throat, unable to counter his remark. That shut you up, much to your chagrin. He was right.

“Yeah. That’s what I thought,” he quipped, grinning at your silence. “Come closer, there’s a lot of people.”

You huffed in irritation and decided to ignore him behind you, determined to make the most of your experience here. You’d let this slide for now. After all, he was here because of you.

But it wasn’t too long before you realized that ignoring him would be as futile as trying to pluck roses without being pricked by the thorns. You knew very well that this man thrives in getting under people’s skin.

“You should be flattered.”

Genuinely appalled, you ask, “I’m sorry?”

“Accepted.”

If it wasn’t night time and the blaring lights were replaced by the sun, he could have seen the twitch that your eye did at his retort.

At this point, murder is a tempting option. Sure, he’s taller and much bigger in physique terms, but you have the rage for it. Just one more insufferable antic—one more word— from this man and the whole university will be mourning their star player’s demise first thing tomorrow morning. 

You took a deep breath to calm your murderous nerves, “Is that so? What part of telling people— oh wait, our schoolmates who are probably whispering behind our backs— that you’re my date, is flattering to you?”

The asshole had the audacity to shrug, “Calling me yours was.”

“Well then, you should be flattered. Not me.”

“You don’t know how flattered I am to be yours,” he mused.

If you didn’t know any better, his attempt at flirting might have sent warmth to your cheeks. But this was Kaiser— no one can tell when he’s being serious or just being his usual menace self talking shit like he’s employed to do so. Good thing you had better plans than spend it on his guessing games.

Just when you’re about to berate him once more, words halted on your throat because of a sight you least expected to see.

Han— the guy you’ve been talking to for almost a month now. The same guy who was your supposed date, to be more specific.

“What? Cat got your tongue, doll?”

If cats come in the form of a familiar man who’s a few good meters away, clearly having the time of his life dancing with someone, and clearly showing no signs of unavailability to go to a music festival he asked you to, then yes, it got your tongue.

You stayed silent far too long for Kaiser’s patience. Your lack of snarky clapbacks were starting to unsettle him more than he would allow. Shifting closer to you, he followed your line of sight to see what got you stunned in silence.

Recognizing what, or rather who, got your attention, he turns to you, his voice coming out too indignant, “Do you know that guy?”

“Do you?” you counter, picking up on his tone being all too casual as if they’re acquainted. 

“He’s last week’s opposing team’s goalkeeper,” or was it ‘striker’? He couldn’t recall, so he’s more or less incompetent to him. One thing he remembers, however, “and he hates me.”

You threw him a glance, “Not surprised.”

“And do I give a fuck,” he shook his head, “Why do you keep looking at him?” Don’t fucking tell me.

Your answer wasn’t any better to what he was starting to imagine, “He was… supposed to be my date to this music festival,” you mumbled, looking down at your feet.

You didn’t want to see the look on Kaiser’s face, fearing you might see pity, and so you nailed your gaze to the ground. Totally oblivious of the man peering over you rather softly.

“Why can’t he then?” he asks, voice an octave lower.

“He said they had late notice training, so he can’t come.” 

“Well, that better be his fucking ghost yapping with a brunette then,” he scoffs, looking straight to the lying man who canceled on you.

Sick of his face and sloppy dance moves, Kaiser turned his gaze back at you, only to be filled with rage because of it.

You look sad— and it made his blood boil. Not towards you, but for you.

“Y’know what? Let’s go there,” he urged, head pointing at where Han was.

Is he fucking crazy? You immediately shook your head at his scandalous suggestion. You might be feeling a little betrayed and angry, but rationality still had its hold on you— and it’s saying to not let Kaiser go with his idea. 

Instead, you tug on his forearm, eyes still on the floor before looking up at him, “Can we leave, please?” 

Kaiser was taken aback by your sudden meekness. He wasn’t used to this— to you, being all deflated and zoned out. He was used to your deadpan expressions and your eyes that seem to roll every time he utters a single word. He was used to you being, dare he say, feisty. 

And he would rather have you stay like that all day long, even when he’s the receiving end of it.

But this? You, saying please to him, of all people? He doesn’t like it. 

If this is how he gets to make you say please, then he doesn’t want it. Fuck that, and fuck that guy. How dare he.

Kaiser didn’t say anything back at your request, but you felt big calloused hands grasp on your hand still resting on his forearm. The next thing you knew, you were walking with him, shoulder-to-shoulder while his other hand was on yours guiding you to walk out of the scene.

“If I see one—just one drop of tear, I swear I am turning this damn car around.” 

Your thoughts abruptly halted at the sound of Kaiser’s threat—his ultimatum, rather. It sounded more like a promise than a threat, and you knew this man well enough to understand that he never ate his words.

You shot him a glance and snickered. There was no way in high hell you’d ever cry in the same space where he was. It was the last thing you’d ever do, even if it meant convincing yourself that what you saw earlier was just a mere look-alike of Han.

“It's nothing. We aren’t even a thing,” you dismissed, your voice flat.

“But you thought you could be,” he countered, and damn if he wasn't right. “How do you even know him?”

“We're kind of talking, well, sort of—”

“Kind of? Sort of?” he scoffed.

“God—it's like a talking stage or something casual, Kaiser! There, got it?”

“That's not exclusive,” he remarked, adding insult to injury.

Irritation bubbled in your throat as his interrogation continued. But even before you could unleash your venom, you caught yourself. He was right. And while this man had never brought you good, it wasn't fair to make him the target of your bad.

“Yeah, it's not,” you admitted, a dry, humorless laugh escaping you. You recalled the brunette he danced with earlier. “I wasn't exclusive material for his reputation, I guess.”

What reputation? “That’s bullshit.” He gritted his teeth, his hand itching towards the steering wheel, clearly tempted to turn back to the festival.

“You said it yourself, he’s an athlete,” you pointed out, “You people never like to go exclusive with someone.”

“You people? Oh, please. Do not insult me by comparing me to the likes of him.”

The sass in his voice drew a chuckle from you. It was amusing how he said it with genuine horror, as if the mere idea of being associated with Han was an insult. “Why? Are you telling me you can commit to someone exclusively?”

“Someone like who? You?” He met your gaze briefly, “Absolutely.”

What the hell. “Stop messing around,” you snorted, effectively ending the conversation.

He was playing a dangerous game, saying that to you. Did he even realize what it did? Did he hear your stupid heart hammering in your chest? It was too loud, too obvious, a frantic drum solo against your ribs. 

And the realization settled— he made your heart flutter. 

His words, so simple, so casually tossed out, had landed like a bomb, sending shrapnel through your carefully constructed walls.

Michael Kaiser, of all people, made your heart flutter.

Suddenly, the air felt thin, the car an echo chamber amplifying the frantic rhythm of your traitorous heart. You knew you should scoff, dismiss it as another one of his infuriating jabs, but the truth was like a hot coal lodged in your throat.

“I’m not though,” he countered, eyes steady on the familiar road ahead. He sounded serious– too serious. 

As you were about to retort back, the car lurched to a stop, announcing your arrival. You glanced out the window, the familiar sight of your house doing little to ease the tension that had coiled tight in your stomach.

“We’re here,” Kaiser announced, his voice a low rumble.

Hurried and flustered by the unexpected shift in the conversation, your clammy hands fumbled with the buckle, the metal cold and unyielding against your sweaty palms. You tugged, then tugged again, frustration building with each failed attempt.

“Easy, doll.” 

Before you could protest, a large hand swooped in, effortlessly unlatching the buckle with a practiced flick. The sudden proximity sent a jolt through you, making your breath hitch. You met his gaze, his eyes a blazing blue as he held your stare for a beat too long before turning away.

Taking a deep breath, you composed yourself. You reached for the door handle, pushing it open and stepping out onto the familiar pavement. Before slamming the door shut, you paused, turning back to Kaiser with a newfound resolve.

Crouching down to meet his gaze, you surprised yourself with the words that tumbled out. “Be careful on your way home and,” you paused, “Thank you... Mikka.”

The nickname slipped out before you could stop it, leaving a blush blooming across your cheeks.

Before Kaiser could react, you slammed the door shut, the sound echoing in the quiet street. 

Mikka. He repeats your words in his mind.

He watched you disappear into your house, a slow grin spreading across his face. Only when you were safely inside did he start the car, the image of your flustered face lingering in his mind.

Damn it, doll.

Meanwhile, you hurried to your room, clutching your chest where your heart still hammered a frantic rhythm.

Why did I call him that? you asked yourself.

The use of his nickname, a name you rarely uttered now, was a stark reminder that the two of you weren’t as close as you were younger.

It’s not a big deal, you tried to reason with yourself. He literally said you owed it to him, and calling it quits would be in the form of a stupid nickname. It doesn’t mean anything. Right— you were just returning a favor.

Your obvious self-deception was interrupted by the incessant buzzing of your phone, tossed carelessly on the bed. Picking up your phone, you opened one of the notifications, your breath catching in your throat.

It was a post on your university's gossip page, and there, plastered on the screen, was a picture of you and Kaiser. 

The image froze a moment in time, capturing him standing protectively behind you, his arms caging you against a barricade. Panic clawed at your throat. This picture, out in the open, could be misconstrued in so many ways. 

What were people going to think? Who took this photo, anyway?

Your eyes darted down the comment section, scrolling through a sea of unimaginable speculations, desperately searching for clues about the culprit.

Just then, a knock on the door startled you.

“Y/N? Can I talk to you?”

It was your brother— and his voice suggested he needed answers too.

Shit.

note. first mini series lmao xD will add cw as i go!

[sanaxo-o]

Bodyguard!Hyunjae Headcanons

Warnings: most is fluff, I said that Hyunjae is kind of possessive but at the same time not, betrayal in a way but these are headcanons so nothing in depth but ig that’s it. Lemme know if I should add more!

Word count: 604

Sana: so I was supposed to write watch it hyunjae long back when the song came out but then I couldn’t get my brain to work so I just decided if I cannot write anything yet maybe headcanons can help me and these are okay-ish. Never written headcanons in my life so yeah…have fun ig! Special tag to @from-izzy <3

Taglist: @deoboyznet @a-dream-bookmark @cloverdaisies @kimsohn @mosviqu @bella-feed

Hyunjae who is your personal bodyguard but maybe being a bodyguard is not his only job afterall.

Bodyguard!Hyunjae would be so overprotective over you. He takes his job very seriously so he keeps an eye on you at all times 

Bodyguard!Hyunjae would make sure you don’t interfere with his work because obviously if he is looking after the daughter of the country’s richest man he would have his own certain motives behind it. 

Bodyguard!Hyunjae obviously vowed to himself to not fall in love with you no matter what happens but he just cannot help but smile slightly whenever he sees you doing something silly 

Bodyguard!Hyunjae expected you to be a snob but was mildly surprised when he saw your kind attitude towards the people who deserve it obviously. Maybe you weren’t so bad after all.

Bodyguard!Hyunjae would follow you EVERYWHERE and if you manage to sneak out, don’t worry he has tabs on you.

Bodyguard!Hyunjae can be mildly overprotective but in his eyes he is just trying to protect you from the outside world which is obviously out to get you That’s just what he thinks is true though

Bodyguard!Hyunjae would notice the smallest things about you. He can say it's because it is his job but he knows that this is the first time he is closely paying attention to a client of his (with whom he has alternative motives because obviously he cannot just be a bodyguard, now can he?) 

Bodyguard!Hyunjae would lowkey highkey love it when you depend on him and rant to him about something. 

Bodyguard!Hyunjae would find a solution for anything. Got a guy problem? Worry not he can take care of that him. Someone's troubling you? He can easily hunt them down without needing anyone's help. He's skilled in that field after all. 

Bodyguard!Hyunjae might not even realise when he started falling for you. When his feelings went from Ugh she's so annoying to maybe she's not that bad. I mean she is pretty...and cute to him actually falling for you but of course he wouldn’t admit that to you or anyone in question.

Bodyguard!Hyunjae would never admit it but he does have feelings for you but before any feelings his work comes first for him be it having to betray you or your family. Never get personal feelings mixed with business, that's his motto and he has to stay true to that. 

Bodyguard!Hyunjae would feel his world crashing down on him when you would stare back at him with your hurt eyes as they begged for him to say that whatever he was doing was not true but what could he do? His work comes first obviously.

Bodyguard!Hyunjae would feel like his life is empty without listening to your laugh, the way you would smile at him, the stories you’d tell him in a much exaggerated way, the times you would try to bake something out of boredom but would fail miserably.

Bodyguard!Hyunjae may not be with you 24/7 anymore but he would still keep his eyes on you at all times. He cannot let go of you just like that, not when he knows that he loves you more than anything in the world. Only if he would have found out about it sooner than maybe he’d not be in such a state right now, without you beside him. 

Bodyguard!Hyunjae would never be someone to believe in fate but maybe just once he hopes that fate would bring the two of you together again so that he can start anew again with you by his side but forever. Not as his client but as his lover. 

[purplemountain]

UNSPOKEN (말하지 않은)

genre: romance, slow-burn, fluff, angst, sexual tension, mutual pining

Chapter 4: In His Care

Chaewoon’s protective instincts toward Haein become more apparent as he observes her every move with quiet care. His subtle gestures and watchful presence reveal a side of him that Haein begins to notice—one that goes beyond his role as a bodyguard.

It had been a week since Chaewoon became Haein’s bodyguard, and in that time, he’d already learned to read her like an open book. Watching her through the glass walls of her office, he could tell just by the way she furrowed her brows and gripped the paper tighter—something was bothering her.

Five, four, three, two, one... he counted in his head.

As expected, Haein’s sharp voice rang out, “What happened to decorating the personal shopper room like a gallery? The artist’s reputation and colors don’t suit the interior design.”

Chaewoon couldn’t help but smile. Yelling and glaring like that, she looks so mean.

But then, just as quickly, her expression shifted, a satisfied smile curling on her lips as she flipped to the next page. “Yes, this is what I was talking about.”

She looks excited, Chaewoon thought, still watching her every move.

The annoyed Haein from moments ago was gone, replaced by a woman pleased with what she saw. And just as Haein’s lips slightly curled up, Chaewoon’s own little smile started to falter. For a moment, time slowed down, and for some reason, he could not look away at her smiling face.

He cleared his throat, forcing himself to look away and stare blankly at the opposite wall, as if that would shake the strange, unsettling feeling that had taken hold of him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HAEIN'S POV

Hong Haein wasn’t used to people caring about her—not in the way Woo Chaewoon did.

Not that she would ever admit it.

But for a while now, she had stopped trying to shake him off. That didn’t mean she liked his presence, but she had accepted, begrudgingly, that he was annoyingly efficient at his job.

She just hadn’t expected him to be so… considerate.

1. The Elevator Incident

It started in the company lobby. Haein was walking ahead, clicking through emails on her phone, when the elevator doors opened. She stepped in without thinking.

Then, in a single swift motion, Chaewoon reached out, placed a firm hand on the small of her back, and pulled her back just as a man rushed out, nearly knocking into her.

She barely had time to react before she found herself standing inches from him, her back against his chest.

“Watch your step,” he murmured, his hand falling away the second the man passed.

Haein straightened, clearing her throat. “I had it under control.”

Chaewoon didn’t argue, simply stepping inside after her. “Of course, ma’am.”

She turned to glare at him, only to find the faintest hint of amusement in his eyes.

Infuriating.

2. The Heels Problem

Later that day, she had back-to-back meetings, which meant strutting around the office in heels that looked good but felt like a medieval torture device.

By the time she stepped outside, her feet were killing her.

As they reached the car, Chaewoon—without a word—opened the door for her, then subtly adjusted the car mat so she could rest her feet more comfortably.

It was such a small gesture, so smooth, that she almost missed it.

She slid into the seat, watching as he walked around to the front. Inside the car was also a pair of soft comfy slippers that was not originally there.

Her jaw tightened. He wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be just another disposable bodyguard, a shadow she could ignore.

Then why was he making it so difficult?

3. The Rain

By the time they arrived at a charity gala that evening, it had started raining. Hard.

As usual, Chaewoon was the first to step out of the car. He retrieved an umbrella, opened her door, and held it above her.

Haein, exhausted and mildly annoyed at the world, reached for the umbrella.

“I can hold it myself.”

Chaewoon, as always, was unmoved. “That’s my job.”

She stepped out, expecting him to keep a respectable distance. Instead, he adjusted the umbrella so that she was completely covered—even if it meant part of his shoulder got drenched.

She noticed. And she hated that she noticed.

By the time they entered the building, she found herself stealing glances at his wet sleeve.

Chaewoon brought her a towel, his expression as calm as ever. She expected him to use it to dry himself off, but instead, he held it out to her.

She raised an eyebrow, about to refuse, when he paused for a brief moment. Then, with surprising grace, he knelt down in front of her, positioning the towel to wipe her shoes.

Oh, my shoes are wet.

The realization hit her like a bolt of lightning. Haein instinctively stepped back just as his hand was about to touch the leather.

“You don’t need to do that. You’re not my servant,” she said, her tone sharper than she intended. She cleared her throat, trying to regain some composure. “Wipe yourself instead. You’re drenched.”

She huffed, a bit embarrassed by the sudden awkwardness, and turned on her heel, walking briskly into the gala without looking back.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAEWOON'S POV

The Elevator

Woo Chaewoon was always quick on his feet. So, when Haein, her attention absorbed by her phone, failed to notice the man about to collide with her as the elevator doors opened, he reacted instinctively.

Chaewoon's reflexes kicked in without thinking. His hand moved swiftly to the small of her back, steadying her just as a man rushed out, too close for comfort.

For a brief moment, he felt her back tense against his chest as he pulled her away. The contact surprisingly electric, but he didn’t let it show. He barely heard her breath catch in her throat, but he noticed.

"Watch your step," he murmured quietly, making sure the man passed safely before letting his hand fall away from her back.

She straightened up quickly, her back stiff. He could feel the subtle shift in her posture as she composed herself.

“I had it under control,” she said, voice a little sharp, but he didn’t respond to the challenge in her tone.

Instead, he stepped into the elevator after her, keeping his face unreadable. “Of course, ma’am.”

She turned to glare at him, her eyes narrowing in irritation. But for just a moment, he caught the faintest flicker of something else there—amusement, maybe. It was gone too quickly for him to dwell on, but it made him smile to himself, just the slightest curve of his lips.

Infuriating. But somehow, she made it worth it.

2. The Heels

Chaewoon had learned to notice the small signs that Haein never acknowledged. He could see it in the way she walked—stiff, her heels clicking sharply against the floor as if she were fighting the discomfort that no one else seemed to notice. Her back straightened, her pace measured, but there was always that subtle shift in her posture after each long meeting. The heels, he knew, were not made for comfort. He also knew she would never be the type to wear flats outside.

So, when they reached the car after a long day, Chaewoon opened the door for her without a word, then quickly adjusted the car mat under her feet. It wasn’t much, just enough to give her a bit of relief, and he did it so smoothly that she almost didn’t catch it.

But she did.

As she slid into the car, he caught the slight wince in her face, then the subtle relief as she settled into the seat. Chaewoon walked around to the front, but when he opened the door to slide in, he saw her eyes lingering on the pair of slippers he had neatly placed inside for her.

Her gaze was confused, almost questioning.

It was an ordinary thing, a small act of care, but it was enough for him to see the slight stiffening in her jaw. He couldn’t help but wonder why she was so resistant to the simplest gestures. After all, he was only doing his job. But still, the thought lingered. She wasn’t supposed to be this difficult to ignore.

Yet, here she was, making it harder than it should be.

3. The Rain

Chaewoon didn’t expect her to notice. The rain had soaked through part of his sleeve, but it wasn’t the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last. He held the umbrella steady over her, making sure not a single drop touched her, while the cold slowly seeped into his own shoulder. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. It was his job.

But then, she looked.

It was quick, just a glance at his wet sleeve, but he caught it. The slight pause in her step, the way her gaze lingered a fraction too long before she looked away. She noticed. He wasn’t sure why that detail mattered, but for some reason, it did.

By the time they reached the entrance, she was back to her usual self—sharp, composed, untouchable. But Chaewoon had seen the flicker of something else. He returned with a towel, expecting her to take it without a second thought. Instead, she hesitated.

So he did what came naturally—knelt down in front of her.

Her shoes were wet. He had noticed, of course, just as he noticed the slight shift in her stance, the way she tensed the second she realized what he was about to do. Then, before he could even move, she stepped back.

“You don’t need to do that. You’re not my servant.” Her voice was clipped, but it wasn’t anger. It was something else—something that made her avert her gaze a second too late.

Chaewoon didn’t argue. He simply stood, towel still in hand, watching as she walked away quicker than usual, like she was trying to escape something.

As she walked further ahead, Chaewoon’s eyes followed her. His gaze lingered just a moment longer, catching the flush of her ears—redder than usual.

He wondered if it was the cold, or if it was something else entirely.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was another busy day for Hong Haein, this time at Queen’s Department Store. She was making her way through the floors when a commotion near the cosmetics section caught her attention. A small crowd had gathered, murmuring among themselves as an angry man raised his voice at one of the employees.

At first, Haein didn’t interfere, simply observing from a distance.

The customer was demanding a refund for a product that was nearly used up. The employee, a young woman, remained professional, explaining that refunds weren’t possible once the product was almost empty. But the man wasn’t listening. Instead, he insisted—loudly—that his girlfriend’s skin had worsened because of it. A blatant lie. It was a common trick—buy, use, complain, and demand a refund.

But then, the situation escalated.

Frustrated by the refusal, the man swiped an arm across the counter, knocking over bottles and compacts. The sharp sound of breaking glass made the employee flinch.

“Do you think I’m some kind of joke?” His voice rose, and so did his hand.

Chaewoon, standing silently nearby, was already prepared to intervene. But before he could move, Haein was already stepping in.

She caught the man’s wrist mid-air, stopping his hand before it could strike the employee.

“And who the hell are you?!” he snapped, yanking his arm back. His face twisted in outrage, as if personally offended that a woman had dared to stop him.

Haein’s expression remained calm, her voice unwavering. “This is not a place for such behavior.”

The man scoffed. “Then bring me your CEO. I don’t have time for people like you.”

“You’re looking for me?”

His face faltered for a second before he recovered. “So you’re the CEO?” He sneered, folding his arms. “Figures. No wonder your employees are incompetent. Why did you not train your employee properly then!?”

“You’re right,” she said coolly. “Maybe I haven’t trained them properly.” She turned to the employee, glancing at the nametag. “Ms. Kim Minji?”

The young woman tensed, clearly expecting a reprimand.

Haein sighed and crossed her arms. “Your job is to deal with customers only. As for criminals, report them to the police immediately.”

The man’s face reddened. “Wow. A criminal? So now you’re insulting customers? The CEO of this mall looks down on people. We will sue you.”

Haein simply smiled. Behind her, Chaewoon observed the scene with quiet amusement.

“Please do,” she said lightly. “I’ll be suing as well.”

The man sputtered. “What did you just say?!”

His temper snapped. His hand moved again, this time toward Haein.

But before he could get close, a shadow loomed over him.

Chaewoon was already there.

His tall frame blocked the man completely, cutting off his path like an immovable wall. His movements were smooth, effortless, but his presence alone was enough to make the air feel heavier. In one swift motion, his hand wrapped around the man’s wrist—not rough, not violent, but firm. A controlled grip, precise and unyielding.

The shift in atmosphere was instant.

The man’s anger wavered, his bravado shrinking under the weight of Chaewoon’s presence. Up close, he could see the way Chaewoon carried himself—not just as an employee, not just as security, but as someone who was dangerous in all the ways that mattered. There was no unnecessary aggression in his stance, no tension in his shoulders, no wild anger in his eyes. Just cold, calculated control. The kind that made people second-guess their next move.

For the first time since the commotion started, the man hesitated.

Chaewoon’s grip didn’t tighten, but the unspoken message was clear: Don’t try it.

The man swallowed. His wrist, though not in pain, felt like it was caught in something unshakable. He looked around, as if realizing how quiet the crowd had gone, how the eyes that once watched in amusement were now filled with anticipation—waiting to see if he would be foolish enough to push further.

He wasn’t.

“You can be charged with obstruction of business, property damage, and attempted assault,” Chaewoon said evenly. His voice wasn’t loud, but it didn’t need to be. It carried the kind of weight that made people listen.

Haein tilted her head, unfazed. “And I’ll add another lawsuit for the sales loss you caused.” She turned to the crowd. “Did you all get that on camera?”

A chorus of affirmations rose from the spectators, many holding up their phones, their screens still recording. A few even cheered.

The man looked around, suddenly realizing how outnumbered he was.

“Take them to the police,” Haein ordered as security finally arrived, stepping forward to apprehend him.

As the man was dragged away, Haein turned back to Chaewoon, a satisfied smile on her face. He met her gaze, his own expression unreadable.

She gave him a small nod. “Let’s go.”

Without another word, Chaewoon followed.

On their way back to the company, Haein found herself replaying the moment in her head.

It had happened so fast. One second, she was handling the situation as she always did—calm, composed, in control. The next, a hand had been raised in her direction, and before she could even react, a shadow had stepped in front of her.

Chaewoon.

Haein had barely registered the movement before he was there, his tall frame blocking her completely. The space that had once felt open was suddenly filled—broad shoulders, solid stance, the subtle shift of muscle beneath his suit.

She hadn’t been expecting it.

She had seen him be cautious before, seen the way he silently observed her surroundings. But this was different.

His hand had wrapped around the man’s wrist—not roughly, not aggressively, but with a kind of controlled force that left no room for argument.

She hadn’t seen his face at first, only the sharp line of his jaw from the side, the way his fingers flexed slightly as if calculating the exact amount of strength needed to hold back without breaking.

Then she had seen the change in the man’s expression. The way his anger faltered, the realization creeping in. He had thought he could intimidate her, but now he was faced with someone he couldn’t push, someone who didn’t even need to raise his voice to make his presence known.

“You can be charged with obstruction of business, property damage, and attempted assault,” Chaewoon had said, his voice low, even. It wasn’t loud, but it carried the kind of weight that made people listen.

Chaewoon didn’t move, his stance unwavering, his hand still gripping the man’s wrist as he watched him with cool detachment. And for the first time, Haein realized something.

For all the quiet patience she had seen in Woo Chaewoon, there was another side to him. A side that wouldn’t hesitate to shield her the moment someone dared to lay a hand on her.

And for reasons she couldn’t quite place, she found herself staring at him just a moment longer than necessary.

Gentle, quiet, patient Woo Chaewoon. You had this side to you, huh?

The thought followed her into the car. As they drove in silence, she caught a glimpse of him through the rearview mirror. He looked the same as always—calm, focused, completely unbothered.

She clicked her tongue and turned to the window, blinking more times than necessary.

As if that would make her stop thinking about it.

From the front seat, Chaewoon felt Haein’s gaze linger on him. He kept his eyes on the road, but he noticed everything—the slight shift in her seat, the way she suddenly blinked faster before turning to the window.

For a brief moment, he felt… aware of himself. Just a little.

But why?

Why did her gaze make him falter, even for a second?

He didn’t know.

< Chapter 3 Chapter 5 >

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

incorporated some QOT scenes in the story >< will also incorporate BF scenes next chapters!

I feel like maybe the story's pacing is a little slow I noticed that it has fewer readers each chapter🥲 maybe the slow-burn is burning too slow?🥲

but it's fine! I was momentarily discouraged to continue it but honestly, I think I'm also writing this story mostly for myself hihi it's been a loonnggg while since I started writing something again, like actually writing and not just daydreaming about it throughout the day

thank you again who's still tuning in! <3

taglist: @lvnat1c <3

[pinkcherryblossomphonecase]

Sugar Crash

(Cooper eats too much candy on Halloween when he was still apart of XY)

Tags: @myluckymoon @oscarsgallery @justsigma-bsd @kijimha @city-of-c0rpses @deeply-moonstruck @doakarma

Never in my life have I ever had to beg for candy. But I was so desperate for some. Normal food and meals were already a privilege to have, but candy, sweets, desserts, was impossible to ever have. If I ever wanted anything remotely sweet, I had to be on good behavior for the entire week, just to earn a single slice of cake or a scoop of ice cream. It was a little reward system to keep me in line.

The only problem was it was the day of Halloween, and unfortunately, I wasn't on my best behavior that week due to an incident earlier during the week. So that means I wasn't allowed to have any candy or sugar as a reward. Normally, I would be fine with this light punishment, but something about Halloween always made me sugar crazy. Like a spell or trance has me in choke hold, and I need to consume candy or else it would be the end of the world for me.

And here I was, quite literally begging on my knees in front of Master X. He was busy doing some paperwork. At first, he looked amused that I would go to the extremes of begging for a few pieces of candy. But after a while, I think I annoyed him enough, or he got bored as he let out, scoffed with a sigh.

"Cooper, stop it. I have work to do, and you're distracting me. Keep this up, and I won't give you any sweets for a month." He harshly stated, mildly annoyed.

"But master you don't understand! I need candy right now! This is a once a year day where my body loses control and goes insane if I don't consume sugar." I plead.

Master rolled his eyes, his hand reaching for the drawer to take out the duck tape he keeps in there to shut me up. "You're not possessed, Cooper. Now quit it."

I reached for his hand and tried to stop him. "Please, just for one day. All I want is some lollipops and chocolates. I'll stop complaining if you let me have this one privilege."

"We don't even have any c-"

"Liar! I saw a whole bag you kept hidden for the others in the closet while I was putting away your laundry!" I yelled in desperation. Normally, I wouldn't dare step out of line like this ever. But I promise you, it was the desperation for candy that drives me this mad. I truly do lose control over myself on this one day.

Master was about to slap me and shut me up with the tape, but I looked at him with pleading eyes. I was determined to win this fight. A bit too stubborn. After staring at me for a while, he gives an annoyed groan.

"Fine. You can have some. Just don't eat the whole damn bag and no sugar for a month afterwards." He scoffed.

I practically bounced and beamed with joy. "YAY! :D THANK YOU MASTER!" I gave a quick hug before running off to get the bag.

Oh what joys it was to rip open the bag and dig around for the good candies. Butterfingers, Tootsies Rolls, Dumbdums, Airheads. It was a dream come true as I munched and feasted on the sugar like it was a fine dine meal.

Master X shouldn't have left me unsupervised. Someone should have kept an eye on me and stopped me. Because I ate and ate like there was no tomorrow. Before I knew it, the entire bag was empty, and I was reaching in for nothing.nothing.

That's when the crash hit and everything just shut down, leaving me on the floor.

I should have been back to doing my chores. But here I was, laying on the floor of the living room, clenching my stomach as I groaned in pain. It's like a train just suddenly hit me and everything in my system has shut down. Talk about sugar overload.

Other members walked by and pasted me, not giving a crap about my suffering. They all gave me a weird look, silently scolding me for eating the entire bag of candy.

Even master came by, but he just shook his head. "I told you not to eat the whole bag. Now, you must face the consequences of your actions. Enjoy your sugar crash. No more sweets for you for an entire month."

"So worth it, though...." I mumbling on the floor, passing out right there. I probably slept there for the night with a bucket besides me. Still worth it in the end.

[a-sea-with-no-shores]

No gifs because today has been a Routine Medical Procedures Still Suck kind of day but I am kind of impressed by how this set of originally unconnected side characters in "Legend of Fei" has evolved so far:

1. Li Yan: a gremlin. (the little sister no one wants, kind of annoying, professional fake-crier/brat, somehow part of an important martial arts family but not really that into it, thinks snakes are cute, honestly just needs something to do)

2. Yang Jin: a gremlin. (aspiring himbo, kind of annoying, obsessively good at martial arts, somehow a medicine sect leader but doesn't know anything about medicine, mildly snakephobic, sort of confused at how to do the right thing but trying?)

Because Li Yan's not very responsible sometimes and Yang Jin is not too bright when he really really really wants to fight some new cool jianghu star he's heard about, Li Yan winds up in a kind of Ransom of Red Chief situation with Yang Jin.

While supposedly being a kidnapping victim, A-Yan (right) yells at Yang Jin (left) for practicing too loudly at night, and then makes him go buy her snacks (NB: at no time was she ever actually unable to get out of this situation)

Later, Yang Jin keeps bumping into Li Yan for reasons, only half of which are because he wants to make sure she's OK, and it's becoming clear to everyone that this pair is THE TWO MOST ANNOYING PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, TOGETHER AT LAST FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME. Maybe it's meant to be?? BUT! THEN!

They bump into

3. Ying He Cong: a gremlin. (annoying poison otaku, itinerant poison doctor, confused by a world full of rude people who don't understand his sincere interest in putting in dibs on poisoned corpses, has a lot of pet snakes on his person at all times)

When we get the three together chaos ensues, from initial suspicions and snake-snatching (and snake-hiding-from) to Ying He Cong and Yang Jin debating over who's going to test the poison and antidote THIS time OH SHIT IT'S A-YAN DON'T LET HER SEE IT OR SHE'LL DEFINITELY CHUG IT LOOK NORMAL SAY SOMETHING NORMAL

(These 2 barely know each other at this point and Ying He Cong barely knows Li Yan at this point, and yet! the dynamics...!)

I'm not even going to tell you what these two dumbasses are doing in the below scene. Well, OK, they're trying to hold a sachet between their faces, which is the most ridiculous solution possible to their problem unless they just really want to squish their heads together for some reason.

But it's because Li Yan needs the braincell, you see. (The guys are in the background.) I have cropped out the spoiler (?).

I'm just. I know they're going to get broken up because it's inevitable but I kind of adore these three. GREMLIN4GREMLIN4GREMLIN

[generational-atrophy]

Can I request Hetalia main 8 with an S/O who has bad periods that the nations don't understand.

Ivan probably would get stuck asking Ukraine about it and get mildly creeped out when she tells him about boob pain.

(Hetalia Main 8 X Reader) S/O with bad periods

(Gender Neutral) Headcanons ~ A/N JHFDGHJDKF YEAH but for ivan specifically i would argue he is actually pretty familiar with the struggles. Dear people who have periods i am so sorry. also i didnt do japan again sorry if u wer looking for him i wi. l do him seperately <3

Trigger Warning: None, just fluff!

Oh boy. You’re gonna have to be one teaching him about… everything related to periods. He’ll be like “What’s so bad? It’s just like a little scrape, isn’t it?” and by the end of the night he is Mortified by the process menstruating people have to go through. He is never going to downplay your pain again, don’t worry.

But he doesn’t know what to do to take care of you really… that’s his vice. He’ll just end up buying everything he can possibly think of to comfort you, and I mean… it’s something. It’ll dull the pain a little bit to eat an insane amount of chips while he plays with your hair all night.

If your legs go out or you need to go to the hospital during your time of the month, he is fully capable of carrying you wherever you need to go. Speeding laws be damned! When your entire body is trying to kill you from the inside out, you are the most important thing in the world to him.

For a long time, Arthur thought it was… unrefined to talk about things like periods. Of course, now he knows better, but that also means… he has no idea what’s going on down there. Or what it does to the body. So when you tell him about the back pain, the cravings, the light-headedness, the nausea… he is probably gonna be pretty doubting. Until you collapse or throw up on him.  Then he’ll take care of you, hand and foot.

Literally. He loves giving massages, and he’s weirdly good at it. Of course, he’ll get you some pain meds (the good pain meds, too) and snacks, but also his hands are not gonna leave your body until your time of the month is over. 

But until then, he is very concerned. Even if it’s the umpteenth time you’ve been with him through it, he’s still begging you to go to the doctor. Anytime anything does even slightly worse, he’s grabbing his keys, getting ready to speed you to the emergency room.

Francis may sympathize, but he really does not… understand the severity of the situation. When you moan about not getting out of bed, he’s just confused and a little annoyed. Sure, periods are painful, but… you’ve had so many, aren’t you used to it by now? 

Feel free to educate him. Or hit him. Both work.

After that, he’s not making you get out of bed. He may not know your pain, but he is sure as hell not gonna force you to do anything. If your job tries to get you to come in, he’ll even start a strike outside for you <3

And considering that you’re probably his first partner who gets that much pain from your time of the month, he has no idea what to get you. Get him a list, and make sure you tell him not to find healthier alternatives cause otherwise you’re getting gross chocolate that’s supposed to help with pain. He’s trying to help… he’s just weirdly terrible at this specific part.

Don’t worry! He’s had to come up with remedies for this exact problem since before the invention of the wheel! It won’t taste great, but he’ll have you back in shape in no t- wait, why isn’t it working?! What do you mean your boobs hurt more now?!

He’s… really concerned for you the whole time. It’s hard for him to leave your side, even if you insist you’re used to it. I mean, surely this many cold compresses should relieve your… unorthodox pains. Frankly, he’s impressed. How many years have you been going through this? And without him to wait on you, hand and foot?! A shame…

If you need anything, he’ll happily make it for you. Yes, make it. He wants to be sure your care is as perfect as possible, so he only trusts his own hands. But maybe be wary if your legs tend to give out… his old bones are not meant to be carrying anyone around for too long. But of course, he’ll still do his best for you.

The Braginsky family has been cursed for… well, ever… with terrible medical conditions, so he is very familiar with the suffering caused by periods. He’s heard Natalya wail and moan for hours on end, and he is not about to let you go through the same pain! He will rip the radiator out of the wall to use as a heating pad if he has to!

He doesn’t panic as much as the others would, he already knows what you need and had it at home. That means he is not leaving your side for even a second! If you suddenly get new pains, lose feeling in anything, or have any other emergency, he is fully prepared to sweep you off your feet and help you deal with it. And he’s had to do much grosser things than take care of someone he loves, don’t worry about that.

Like you could bleed on his leg and he would not even notice, much less be upset. He’s just like, “Oh, dear, are you running out of anything? I can pick anything up for you if you need.”

OH YOU POOR DARLING! Don’t worry, he already called into work for you! You need snacks? Heated blankets? Medication? Stuffed animals? For him to hold you in his arms? He’s there! No questions asked! (He has quite a low pain tolerance himself, so he is nothing but empathetic towards you during your time of need.)

If it’d make you feel better… he’d love to massage your stomach... Don’t look at him like that! He just wants to help!

Also, if he sees you trying to put on any tight and uncomfortable clothing, he is getting you out of that stuff asap. If you need to go anywhere, he’ll go for you! Don’t stuff yourself into such suddenly ill-fitting clothing… you still look beautiful to him. 

And if it gets too bad, you have the fastest (and most dangerous) driver in all of Italy to get you to the emergency room ASAP. So don’t worry your pretty little head, Feli’s got you!

Just because Ludwig knows all about the medical side of periods, does not mean he knows how to actually deal with you when you’re in horrible, horrible pain. The fact that although it may make you feel better, you are not up for doing anything, is just baffling to him. He may try to drag you out of bed to stretch and exercise. Please bite him when he does so.

Once you start describing your actual symptoms, he starts getting light-headed. No way… this happens every month? Incalculable back pain on top of your uterus exploding? You sure you don’t need a doctor? It’s really no hassle to carry you to the car, promise! But also, you could just take him up on that offer and change your mind and ask for ice cream. He would do it. Just saying.

Anything to relieve your suffering, really. He’s spending all his time worrying about you, so he’ll get anything you want without question. He can’t stand seeing you in so much pain… but he also can’t help but feel so blessed to have been born biologically male. Basically, you’ve got a servant whose in love with you for a week.

[read-alert]

Hogfather by Terry Pratchett

Another Discworld book. Someone has taken a hit out on Santa Claus; to preserve children's belief in him and keep him alive, Death is taking his place for the night. Death's granddaughter Susan also starts to investigate the issue to try to find out why the hell her grandfather is cosplaying as Santa Claus. And because there's still a bunch of belief in the world no longer being concentrated on Santa, other forces in the world start gaining personified avatars, leading the wizards to investigate.

As is always with Discworld, I loved a lot of this, but I do still have my problems with it. Namely, I did not enjoy the band of criminals hired to take out the Hogfather (what Santa is called in Discworld). In regards to Mr. Teatime (pronounced Te-ah-tim-eh), I never enjoy when an entire character is just "he's ~crazy~" and it's made worse by how up its own ass this book is about the fact that the other criminals have faced down all sorts of terrifying things, but never anything as scary as him. Also the running joke about everyone mispronouncing his name because it sounds funny in English felt racialized. Race in this case referring to ethnicity rather than skin color because I don't recall any references to non white features, so probably written as a joke about Welsh, Scots, or Irish people. Banjo also rubbed me the wrong way. I'm always very cautious about the Lennie archetype because it often feels mean spirited towards intellectually disabled people, and the fact that Banjo's two character traits were "clearly intellectually disabled" and "he's so fat he's like a mountain," I do think that's the case here. At least Susan stood up for him a little bit.

In regards to the other tertiary characters, I didn't care for the God of Hangovers. He's not offensive or anything, I just didn't give a shit about him and was mildly annoyed at the romance he was given. Pratchett's good at romances once the couple is together, but getting them together often feels like "he was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it anymore obvious?" And admittedly, you can blame this case on how small of characters they both are, but it's nonetheless a recurrent pattern. I know he's just here to give Susan someone to talk to, but I would have much preferred she just hang out with the Death of Rats and the raven again. On the bright side, this was the most I've liked Ridcully and the other senior wizards so far- with the exception of the Senior Wrangler trying to get a fairy wasted so he could sleep with her. I know the 90s likely had different cultural lines as to what was generally regarded as sexual assault, but I sure didn't like it anyway. Overall, I still would have preferred if the witches had been investigating the sudden incarnation of forces, but with that one exception, the wizards were still fun and I do understand on a narrative level why they were chosen instead of the witches.

Onto the things I liked. First of all, "Death becomes Santa Claus"? 10/10 concept. I personally would have enjoyed it more if Pratchett had stuck to his initial lore that the Hogfather stocks pantries full of meat rather than giving kids presents- first of all, just a funnier thing to do, second, it would have felt much less Christianity-Lite. But given how the overall themes of the book developed, I do understand why the Hogfather was made more of a 1:1 with Santa Claus.

I was reading the book and thought to myself, "It's fun and the concept is great, but it's kind of an average Discworld book; I don't see why this one is so beloved." And then I got to Susan and Death's conversation after saving the Hogfather, and I immediately got it. The idea of comparing fables like Santa Claus to values like justice and mercy feels ridiculous on its head, just like how Susan reacts to it, but. There's a thing called the Scissor Man in this book that apparently British people tell their children about, and when I first read about him, I was like "That can't be an actual thing people tell their kids, that has to be exclusive to Discworld. But Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny are all real, so why would this guy be fake?" and then I realized that I had just referred to Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny as "real." And I had to sit there like, well, they are real, in a sense. There may not in any tangible way be a fat man who delivers presents to every kid in the world on Christmas, but because we have stories about him and keep telling those stories and new ones to keep him in the cultural consciousness, he is- in a way- extant. Which made the idea that there's nothing physical about justice or mercy or duty but that we have nonetheless created them and made them real things in our world resonate all the more. It was a fascinating way to examine the beauty of humanity that we have made those things and continually choose to keep them existing.

That shit right there is why I love Discworld. That, and that the Death of Rats is also called the Grim Squeaker- that's also why I love Discworld. It is often so very flawed, but it provides a unique lense through which to examine the world in all its nastiness and, crucially, in all its beauty. And its so funny while doing it. 4.5⭐️

[brunhielda]

New idea:

You have pretty set magic system with types of magic wielders in pretty well defined categories. Sometimes people do some wild and unique stuff in those categories, but they are categorized nonetheless.

Marvel’s new witch system from Agatha All Along, for example. (Inspiration, but this would still be funny for any system- it would be hilarious in Avatar, or DnD)

Someone new joins the group, who just sort of shrugs and says “I tell stories,” and refuses to elaborate any further. Everyone has different ideas- maybe they mean divination, maybe they are faking, maybe they think they have powers but are really just a wannabe.

But MAYBE, just maybe, they are the most powerful one there?!

Turns out newbie is just BENDING LUCK around anything they are involved in and mildly shifting the universe to suit their needs?!

They observe the situation, then either tell the problem or the group at large- “I have heard this story, you have too, it’s about (insert major trope here). But this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. ____ ALWAYS does _____ because _____. What is wrong here? Why is the story going wrong?”

They don’t mind control any opponents, or make anything big and miraculous happen. Nothing suddenly appears out of thin air to save the day. But some imperceptible tone just SHIFTS and suddenly, things might just work out for everyone after all.

Like, in a tv show/cartoon, the ONLY thing that changes during their story is the background music. Everything else remains the same. It is still a precarious situation, it’s just winnable now.

After awhile, the whole group has to acknowledge that though they can’t define it, it is very real, and they refuse to go anywhere without their luck bender.

They comedy (beyond shock value) comes from this: They cannot be defined by any of the categories of magic, which confuses, annoys, and just PISSES some people off.

“What do you mean, tell stories?!”

Shrug “I don’t know, I tell stories and things work out.”

“You… change reality?”

“Not really. Everything stays the same. It just works out for me. When it might not have before.”

(Person looks at other group member, who shrugs)

“They tell stories.”

“But what does that MEAN?!”

Basically just an unknowingly genre savy character who tells all the antagonists and the occasional natural disaster “no, you are doing it wrong.” 😂

Example- in Agatha all along, this witch would have walked over to Mama Harkness’s ghost and said “Now I agree Agatha deserves to die. Not disputing that. At this point she has done some terrible things. But from what I understand you stood in a circle around a pyre and tried to burn her- is that right?”

“She was evil. It had to be done.”

“I feel like that COULD be debated, but not right now. My problem is this- I know that story. Everyone knows this story. A mother realizes she has raised an evil child. That the child is going to hurt other mother’s children.”

“Exactly. You understand my pain.”

“No I don’t think I do, actually. Because in the version I know, the mother goes with. If a child is evil, it is not the child’s fault. The first time a mother looks at her child and says “this one is MINE.” They enter into contract. To care for, to love, and to take responsibility for, to serve in place as punishment. So when a Mother turns to look at their child, and sees they are evil, that they must be stopped to protect others, then she sends them off to sleep with soothing poison. She does not let them suffer for Mother’s sins. And then mother drinks it herself, to make sure child has someone in the next world, to atone for her part. If you thought fire was necessary then you were supposed to drug her first and climb on the pyre with her. Maybe if she had seen the world some and returned maybe, maybe, you had some justification, but she was still in your care, and you abandoned her when she needed you. You did not love her enough to take responsibility for her. You did this WRONG. Which makes me wonder- what else did you get wrong? Was she really evil all those years ago? Or were you just eager to shift blame? I agree she is evil now, and she will have to atone for everything she has done in the centuries since, but for what happened that day? What happened before? If she had anything to atone for, she did when her mother turned on her and she was left utterly alone in the world. You have no claim here. Punishment was dealt for both your sins that day. Go, or we will make you.”

It is just talking. Just reframing around a story trope that highlights what is wrong in the situation. That’s it. Is it even magic? In DnD for example, could it just be absurdly high charisma masquerading as magic? Did luck actually bend, or was the character just distracting/deescalating/convincing? Is it both? Are they convincing the UNIVERSE that this should go differently? (John Constantine in DC Universe claims all magic is this, and I find that neat).

“No no no. The story doesn’t go this way…”

[sephie-books]

ok SO, the DFZ Changling trilogy by Rachel Aaron

the story:

Once upon a time, magic returned to the world, along with dragons, magic users, fairies, spirits, and gods

This story takes place in the DFZ, the Detroit Free Zone. The city of Detroit became a sentient free spirit and living city. She builds and holds dominion on her domain, and she has ruled that everyone is free to live their life on her terms within her limits, and she is no longer bound to the United States.

Once upon a time, a changling was left in place of a human girl, however the parents were terrible anyway and once the little girl started showing problems, they dumped her into a psych ward and abandoned her. The little changling girl cried and cried, as at first, she didn't even know she was a changling, only that she was a monster that was being punished. She had fur and claws, sharp teeth, and could barely see, and each day she was abandoned by the nurses, talked about in fear, and forced to hide under the bed from the cruelty of the place. Her only solace was her treasure, a silver thread tied 'round her wrist that only she could see and feel, which connected her to her sister.

One day, a wizard walked into her room and once he placed his hand upon her, he forced back the fur and claws and teeth, and she became a little girl again. She wept in gratitude and was compelled to pledge her service to the wizard, as he had stated she was dying, and the only way to save herself was to pledge herself to him.

Turned out he was an evil blood mage, and for a long time afterward, she was abused and forced to do evil things for him. She was trapped with another kidnapped child, a little boy who the wizard also made do even worse things as he was being groomed to be his apprentice.

One day, many years later, both now adults that were still trapped by the evil wizard - the evil wizard disappeared without a trace.

This was bad as the wizard controlled the pills that kept the changling human and stable. Without them, she turned right back into a monster, and she would rather die than be a monster.

SO - the clock is ticking as they try to find out what the hell is going on, why the fuck some shitty kaiju movie is being advertised on every possible outlet, and what the fuck the evil wizard was scheming.

continued:

SO the premise was really good and got me hooked. The main character Lola is really likeable as is the other characters

HOWEVER, the book (listed as Urban Fantasy) couldn't make up it's mind whether it was YA, New Adult, or actual adult Urban Fantasy

like there were some reaaaaaaaaaallly good parts, and some parts where the author peppered in pop culture, and then decided to be stupid YA protagonists.

it got mildly annoying sometimes, especiallyyyyyyyyy towards the 3rd book with Dee and Toothy. Dee had glimmerings of actual character and I wish the author would have developed that more instead of the stupid YA shit.

I wish amazon would just FUCKING SAY if a book was YA or New Adult. I'm sorry, there's a WORLD OF DIFFERENCE between YA, New Adult, and Adult. FUCKING PICK ONE.

But again, the story was so interesting that I skimmed over the annoying parts to get back to the actual story.

I really really loved the slow progression of interaction and growth between Lola and Valente. This was done really well and actually made me gasp a long drawn out gasp in book 3 as they FINALLY connected and said how they felt. Literally gasped like a victorian maiden, so good shit there.

The build up of the overarching story and what the fuck the evil wizard was actually fucking doing was good-ish. The evil fairy was a good antagonist, and Lola's overarching growth as a character and person was good. However the ending felt very rushed and kind of stupid actually after all that build up tbh.

And Valente's ultimate fate seemed like the author reallllllllllllllyyyy wanted him to be the DFZ version of Ghost Rider (which he mostly was to begin with). Which ehhh is cool, but I think it could have been tweaked a bit more? idk

Tbh, Lola's and Valente's relationship was really good and I wish the author had given it more time and room to breathe.

Anyhoo, TL;DR:

These were pretty good and I recommend them if any of this sounded interesting or good to you. They're pretty cheap at $4.99 per book.

I might give the author's other series "Hell for Hire" a shot

[deltaengineering]

Spring Anime 2024: A Wizard is never late

Shuumatsu Train Doko e Iku (Train to the End of the World)

If you want a reason for why this post is woefully late, it’s this show: since we’re going in ascending order of quality here, it must come first, yet I have a hard time saying anything about it. I suppose I can start with the most obvious problem: I will probably watch your original anime, but I do that to get away from light novel levels of insufferable dialogue. Yet this one definitely goes with the NisioisiN school of writing, which is to say, talk a lot first, then figure out a point at your convenience. This definitely doesn’t endear the show to me and makes it mildly annoying right from the start, but it could still be salvageable - but then Shuumatsu Train just turns out to be not particularly good at any of its selling points. For a weird show it’s not weird enough. For a comedy it’s not funny enough. For a character drama the characters are too superficial. For a profound allegory, it's much too vague. And even though the parts are hardly stellar, the result somehow still ends up as less than the sum of them. It‘s not a total write-off since at least there is some ambition here, but I really can’t say that being more meaningful than not at all is enough of a payoff for something that is mostly just basic attempts at wacky humor presented in an annoying fashion. 4/10

Yuru Camp S3

So, speaking of ambition. My last contact with Yuru Camp was me getting very mad at S2‘s incessant products and services shilling. Admittedly S3 turns this down to an acceptable level, but that only makes the deeper issue more apparent: Yuru Camp is and has always been astonishingly vapid, and three seasons and a movie in all the vibes in the world can no longer make up for it. I won’t even complain that the show is no longer about camping in any meaningful capacity (since I never cared and at least the local-tourism-and-food lane we‘re in now doesn’t require purchase of specialized gear), but godammit if personality-free blobs looking at small footbridges for three episodes didn’t kill my enthusiasm for any of this mush. It‘s still broadly inoffensive, but at this point I feel like I’ve thoroughly exhausted anything this show is ever willing to offer. And Yama no Susume shows that you can have all the theoretical positives of a Yuru Camp with compelling enough characters, so there’s really no excuse. 5/10

Yoru no Kurage wa Oyogenai (Jellyfish Can't Swim in the Night)

I don’t know where this recent trend of cute but reasonably serious girl band anime came from (I would like to think MyGO, but more likely it‘s Bocchi the Rock + the most blatantly obvious and viable way to improve on Bocchi). But here is Jellyfish and uh… it certainly makes an attempt. The first impression is very positive, since Doga Kobo provides pleasant visuals (per usual), but it quickly becomes apparent that it’s the writing that is really holding this one back. It’s not even bad ideas or a lack of ideas, since the concepts this show wants to tackle are generally quite good. But pretty much every execution on those plot ideas is botched in some way, be it by resolving them in a stupidly simple way (impostor syndrome? just do your best!) or by just having a character read out their character arc really dramatically. A bunch of plot points don't even make sense when you look at them in context of the ostensibly real world this show takes place in, and the ending is a massive nothingburger. It's all stuff that's barely passable when something like Love Live does it, but in something that aims higher it seems like a first draft at best and more likely just extremely amateurish. One can only wonder if you gave such a concept to a seasoned veteran like Jukki Hanada... 6/10

Tonari no Youkai-san

Tonari no Youkai-san started out as a rather simple show that I really liked: a mostly but not exclusively lighthearted depiction of a world where Youkai are real and the weird situations that can create, with likeable characters carrying it along. But then it became apparent that what it really wants to do is back-to-back KEY-style sadpiano scenarios. While those aren't bad in moderate amounts, the fact that every scenario now had to be about some heartbreaking backstory no matter what quickly became rather tiring. And then, if it wasn't apparent enough that this show was writing itself into the weeds, it capped the season off with a completely bizarre sci-fi multiverse action arc where everyone dies (very sad!) but then comes back alive because power of friendship beats entropy or something. Well, at least I prefer laughing at this nonsense to being annoyed at contrived tearjerkers, I suppose. I wouldn't call it quality though. 6/10

Dungeon Meshi (Delicious in Dungeon)

When the Dungeon Meshi started, I just didn't get it. The hyperbole around this show (mostly coming from manga fans, I think) was clearly not befitting a very mediocre gimmick anime where even the gimmick had been done better elsewhere multiple times. I do have to admit that as it went on, I could start to see where people were coming from: Once the cooking dies down a bit, the characters start to develop a bit and it finds its pace, Dungeon Meshi's "default mode" is an entertaining adventure anime with some nice characters, decent humor and engaging action. So far so good. However, I'll still call the show merely above average because it's in its default mode less often than you'd think. Every time I started to like something, Dungeon Meshi immediately had to head off in some random other direction that I don't care for: The cooking I did not care for in the beginning becomes vestigial but never stops taking up airtime nonetheless. The nerdy exposition about dungeon mechanics should not merit more than a footnote in a splatbook, but never stops taking up a lot of airtime nonetheless (it's also a painful reminder of the "worldbuilding over narrative" nonsense that I hate, but Dungeon Meshi isn't the worst offender here so I'll let it slide). The show expects me to care about other, far less interesting parties after I just barely mustered up enough enthusiasm to see Chilchuck as more than a spare Marcille when Marcille can't play the tsukkomi herself. Falin turns into a tragic zombie chicken. They adopt an annoying cat. It goes on and on and I'm not thrilled. I will admit though that I will likely still watch the sequel, mostly because Trigger really does a fantastic job with this adaptation on all levels, which at the very least manages to keep it watchable even in the doldrums. I just wish the source material was more consistent. 6/10

Kaiju No. 8

Every season there's some random anime that isn't particularly great, but still competent enough to merit a watch. It's usually some light comedy like Torture Princess, but every once in a while it's something else. This season it's Isekai QC, but in spring it was something even less likely: Kaiju #8, a Jump-brand premium shounen. Yeah, that's a surprise. It just doesn't do anything particularly wrong, apart from the genre staples that it must do wrong: The pacing is bad, but just regular bad. The tone is all over the place, but just regular all over the place. The protagonist isn't as good as he first seems, but not as bad as he could be either. It starts out as "less miserable Attack on Titan where people shoot at huge monsters with guns at shounen powerlevel efficiency", which is extremely awkward, but eventually it settles into a more standard "hit bad guy with sick special attacks" groove, which isn't exactly exciting but at least clearly something the show wants to be. In short, nothing special but the bullshit does not exceed the maximum level I will tolerate as the price of entry to epic dudes epically fighting in an epic fashion. There always is a point with these where you have to ruthlessly cut your losses, but it did not reach it in its first season when the average genremate reaches it within the first episode. That's... something. 6/10

Nijiyon S2

I wasn't even going to write about this because what is there to say about Nijiyon, except that Nijiyon is that rare mini spinoff that actually gets better and starts to outshine the main show at points. Half the time. The other half is still very basic and very arbitrary 4koma hijinks, but an improvement is an improvement. 6/10

Bartender: Glass of God

Why did they make a second Bartender anime in 2024? I can't answer this conclusively but I will say that if Suntory didn't pay for at least half of this production, they got something for free. With that out of the way, the most interesting thing I can say about Bartender is how it compares to Gin & Sonic '06. The old one was certainly ambitious, but in a rather obvious way: Treating the Bartender mystique as somthing close to supernatural and presenting it in a very abstract and stagey way. This is great when it works, but just as often merely comes off as extremely pretentious. The new one... just doesn't do any of that. It's a very straightforward, simple story with actual characters and stuff. It's workable enough with some stronger and some weaker episodes, and even though it does not even attempt to reach the highs of the old one, it doesn't sniff its own farts and does its best to avoid the old man machismo stank that faintly polluted the first adaptation. So I will actually call it better in some ways, maybe even on average, but it still can't compete with a show that had a better reason to exist than to get you excited for Yamazaki whiskey. 6/10

Euphonium S3

I've had my ups and downs with Yoof, and I will say that while some nags remain, I am satisfied with how it managed to (hopefully) wrap up. In fact, S3 might be the best the show has ever been. We were never going to get the cartoonish and quite frankly more entertaining presentation of S1 back, but for what it's worth, S3 takes the overcooked presentation and histrionic character writing of S2 and brings them down to a palatable level, and that makes it at least worth thinking about. Another big point in its favor is that it's now finally truly the Kumiko show, and not just the Kumiko stumbles into other people's drama show. Cast additions like Kanade and Mayu are prety great as well so yeah, I had a good time. Really my biggest complaint is that S3 might actually be a little too good at character drama, because at one point it seemed it was on the verge of starting to question a few of its core assumptions. I never expected it to have doubts over whether letting your school club control your entire existence is in fact a good thing, but ideas like Reina actually being as insane as she comes across and that Taki actually being as terrible as a teacher as he comes across seemed extremely promising. But nah, of course Kumiko just had to be honest with herself, that solved all the problems and then the show just coasted to the most predictable ending imaginable. Euphonium always seemed like it could be way better with a bit more risk-taking, but this was a particularly disappointing moment for the show to be itself. Anyway, if you just expect Euphoinum you're getting the good Euphonium here. 7/10

Girls Band Cry

So, about that "Hanada writing Jellyfish" quip I made earlier? What if that actually happened, in the same season no less? Yeah, these two shows are shockingly similar but unlike Jellyfsh, Girls Band Cry does things right... for the most part. You need to get used to the somewhat janky CG animation, but you're getting some great expressiveness in the deal so that's no problem. You'll also have to put up with Hanada's trademark yuribaiting, a pretty weak ending (as if these two shows didn't already copy each other's homework enough) and music that is much too obvously coming from the Vocaloid camp for my liking. Apart from that, GBC is very good. Not quite as good as MyGO (which has even better character dynamics and I still can't get past how shockingly high its quality is for a franchise anime), but it's really close. So close in fact that I don't even feel like pointing out in detail why GBC is good, because it really is MyGO again: Very flawed yet likeable girls try to get their mental in order while swinging between goofy and depressed and occasionally making music. It's not complicated, but when the character writing delivers (i.e., by seasoned pros like Yuniko Ayana or Jukki Hanada), it just works. If this is a trend now, I'll gladly take it. 8/10

[likecrapthroughagoose]

Godzilla x Kong gets... probably a 7.5 or 8 out of 10 from me. I liked it a lot, but the last act felt like it was rushing (which should never be the case for a 2+ hour movie). The action was really good though and the visual effects, while dwarfed by Minus One, were excellent.

Spoiler-y opinions below:

Okay so- Kong's portions of the movie were actually really strong. Granted, I'm easily amused by anything that involves monkeys falling down a lot. But in all seriousness, you can tell they had the most story ideas for Kong. His fights are good, the monsters his arc introduces are cool, and the way they've aged his design is also pretty nifty. You will believe a gorilla can be daddy.

That said, the strength of Kong's part of the movie brings me to my main complaint. The other two focal points, Godzilla and the human cast really didn't feel like they had as much to do. Less so for the human cast, which I'll get to in a moment, but it kinda felt like Godzilla was sidelined.

Weirdly, that isn't to say he wasn't in the movie. Godzilla's scenes are almost as plentiful as Kong's, if not equally so. The movie, to its credit, does a pretty good job of giving everyone equal-ish screentime, so Godzilla does get plenty of scenes. The problem is that most of them are just him going from point A to point B to point C and so forth.

In fairness, Goji's scenes are at least entertaining. He gets some superb city destruction and the best fights in the movie (and it has plenty) are his. Though speaking of fights, I am disappointed that we didn't get to see any new-old monsters. Scylla is a cool enough design on its own that I don't mind it, but Tiamat is similar enough to Manda that I felt like SOME acknowledgement could be made. I mean shoot, just have them be called Titanus Ebirah and Titanus Manda on the computer radar thingie they keep cutting to. Problem solved.

At least we get Godzilla sleeping in the Colosseum like a cat. It's a cheap pop, but I'm still here for it.

The human story is decent, if nothing special. The only returning cast are Rebecca Hall, Kaylee Hottle, and Brian Tyree Henry. Dan Stevens joins them as... I guess Kong's veterinarian for lack of a better word, rounding out the quartet of focal characters. I don't know if I enjoyed his character or if he annoyed me. Hottle and Hall deliver more of the "constantly mildly uncomfortable deaf girl who just wishes everyone would leave her pet gorilla alone and her overprotective adopted mother" stuff. It was fine in the last movie, it's fine here. Henry's conspiracy theorist character is... less irksome than he could have been. While in the previous film he was a surprising amount of depth for the archetype he was portraying, here he's firmly in the comic relief role. It never quite veers into annoying, but there are parts where it does leave you going, "okay, but why does he need to be here?" He at least makes it out better than Stevens, who may be the world's first example of a token white guy.

All that said, the human plot was actually kinda working for me. The whole "lost civilization deep within the hollow earth that harnesses mysterious natural powers and also worships/summons Mothra" thing felt like a really fun tribute to the kind of story you'd see in the classic Showa Era films without being anachronistic.

As much as I complain, there was something I noticed beyond the movie itself that made me happy. The theater was packed, which is great to see, but more than that there was a ton of kids in there, right around the same age I was when I was first getting into Godzilla. The same age I was when I got picked on for liking it. I couldn't help but look around the theater after the movie and feel vindicated. I was right, this shit is cool as fuck. Suck my ass, Samuel from fifth grade.

Anyway yeah it's fun. Worth seeing.

[robo-dino-puppies]

I'm so tired ughhhhh for the past whatever months basically everyone who I've ever helped out with petsitting decided to take vacations one after the other so I've been running around doing that, and although I do love (most 😅) of the pets it's really not my favorite to stay at other people's houses. all my stuff is at home :( so that's exhausting.

I'll put some good things first:

-saw some snakes finally! I haven't seen as many this year as I used to. this one wanted to be a square I guess?

-SMOL CRAB

-took care of a friend's cat and he is an AFFECTION MACHINE so that was sweet (Sophie is not very affectionate. I mean she can be, but only in her own way, and because of that I really truly appreciate when she shows me any scrap of kindness lmao. but I miss having a cat that wants to just hang out with me…)

-despite being all over the place I have managed to play dragon age thank u gaming laptop - I'll do another post for that :D

cut for the less fun stuff~

some annoying/angry-making things that just all added up:

-phone had a spicy pillow battery situation, luckily nothing exploded or caught on fire (tho it got SUPER FUCKING HOT - thankfully I had a backup phone of the same model bc I'm not ready to give up my headphone jack)

-but when I transferred all my shit, an app I use for my job got cranky and I have no idea why! I've switched phones before and it's been fine! and this is the exact same model!

-the weather (hot)

-tendon in my elbow got mad when walking a new-to-me dog that likes to pull

-elderly neighbor had a health situation that I was the first one to discover (she's fine but. it was stressful)

-there are a lot of small flying bugs swarming everywhere. I keep walking into them

-elderly neighbor nearly fell multiple times when I was on a walk with her and her dog and I had to dive to catch her so she wouldn't faceplant

-which made muscles on one side of my back and the opposite shoulder very angry

-inevitably: swallowed a bug

-I walked a mild-mannered dog I'm familiar with but when some unleashed (friendly-looking) dogs approached her she started FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT snarling, lunging, barking (while my muscles were still sore from elderly neighbor incident)

-owner was like "oh I thought I told you. yeah she's started reacting aggressively to random dogs sometimes" ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ OK THAT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT

-🤬

-also angry at people who let their dogs off leash in public areas

-people who don't pick up their dogs' shit

-… people

-there were guests of that dog's owners staying at her house so I had to coordinate by text every time I went to walk her and… I know this is like. a dumb first-world social anxiety problem but. it was just exhausting. they were nice and it was fine but two weeks of texting strangers multiple times a day was just ONE MORE THING

-said dog apparently stole a bunch of muffins from them so while on a walk with me she had diarrhea. to put it... mildly. (she's a golden and has plenty of butt-fur) fun!

-allergies

-headaches

like. can i not be so tired anymore. that would be nice.

[thenationaltreasuregazette]

Should Abigail Leave Ben? Part 3: Disaster

In Part 1 and Part 2, I examined Ben and Abigail’s early interactions in National Treasure and argued that the film did a solid job of conveying their mutual interest in one another long before Abigail got roped into the treasure hunt.

Long before Ben saved Abigail’s life, wowed her with a treasure hunting extravaganza, and became one of the wealthiest people she knows, she was interested.

Long before Abigail risked throwing her career away to aid Ben on his quest, and committed a few felonies for him along the way, he was interested in her.

In short, I buy it. I buy that these two people had enough of a foundation to form an actual relationship that is based on something more than the adrenaline of the best/worst weekend of their lives.

However.

It’s time we talk about the elephant in the room,

the harbinger of disaster,

the hurricane-force ice storm that will doom this ship and its crew:

National Treasure: Book of Secrets.

Let's do this ↓

My entire thesis about Ben and Abigail’s relationship only applies to the first National Treasure, okay? Like, in a bubble.

In my mind there is a distinct divergence between the two films and one does not lead necessarily into the other unless the sequel is actively playing in front of my eyeballs.

But.

If we are to take Ben and Abigail’s relationship in National Treasure: Book of Secrets as even mildly canon THEN SHE SHOULD DUMP HIS ASS AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

BoS succumbs to the bad Hollywood habit of resetting characters back to their first movie starting positions so we can live the first movie over again rather than progress forward with a (gasp!) new and different story.

In the BoS world, this reset looks like:

Ben and Abigail are once again not together and she is holding him back from getting what he wants (treasure)

Ben is once again the laughing stock of the historical community

Nobody seems to believe he’ll find this treasure even though he found a $10 Billion dollar cash of gold literally three years ago??

Riley is an undervalued punching bag

and so on

That’s obnoxious from a storytelling perspective because WE DON’T ACTUALLY LEARN ANYTHING NEW ABOUT OUR THREE MAIN CHARACTERS.

The only people we really learn anything about are Emily and Patrick, because Emily is necessarily injecting new information and new emotions into the story by virtue of not being there the first time.

In terms of Abigail and Ben’s relationship, the “sequel reset” back to square one means that my entire thesis falls apart if you include BoS in the calculations.

I’ve been arguing that the first movie goes out of its way to establish that Ben and Abigail have mutual interests, and a mutual interest in each other, outside of the treasure hunt and that this is the actual solid ground on which they would grow a relationship, not anything that happened after Ben stole the Declaration.

Book of Secrets says, actually no. With no treasure hunt to force them together, Ben and Abigail don't communicate well and are kind of petty with each other, and ESPECIALLY, Ben is a dick to her.

Going back to “no new information,” we already know that Benjamin Franklin Gates has a dickish streak, and is fully capable of being a dick to Abigail, especially when he thinks he’s right. We see this in National Treasure after Ben and Riley rescue Abigail from the catering truck.

Ben is high on the adrenaline of the heist and rescue, and is in a mood my mom would call “full of piss and vinegar.” He has fun being a smug douchebag.

BEN You're still shouting. It's starting to annoy. You'd do well, Dr Chase, to be a bit more civilized in this instance.

I don’t have a problem with this scene or this character trait though because it makes sense to me in the moment. He’s just done an insane thing and gotten away with it. He’s pulled of a heist, no one got hurt, and he’s got the fucking Declaration of Independence in his car.

Of course he wants to flaunt it, especially to the person who both wouldn’t help him and said it couldn’t be done. It’s a moment of obnoxious showmanship that feels totally in character, especially for someone who’s been written off and doubted for most of his life.

A critical element of this behavior though, is that it’s an outlier. This isn’t how Ben normally treats people. He’s not, like, a Tony Stark type, for whom being a smug asshole is his default setting and a cornerstone of the character. Ben Gates is, in general, earnest, curious, and driven. He isn’t—at least for me—fundamentally a jerk.

In the first movie.

In the second movie it seems like…yeah, smug douchebag is his default setting. Or at least that’s the pattern he’s fallen into as far as how he treats Abigail and Riley.

Now, there are plenty of plausible reasons for this. The first movie ends with Ben having become absurdly wealthy, admired, and respected in his field, a total 180 from how he’s lived the first 40 years of his life. That could turn anybody’s head. Ben could have easily become a jerk slowly over the intervening three years.

Except if that was the case—if that was the theme of BoS or the arc the film wanted Ben to take—he would have to have changed by the end of the movie. If Ben’s sequel arc was that he’d lost touch with himself and the things and people that matter to him most because of the spotlight he was suddenly under, he would have found those things again by the end and made things right. That's what a character arc is, the journey someone takes to change.

But that’s not Ben’s arc. In BoS he actually doesn't have one.

Ben’s "arc" is that Abigail and Riley keep telling him he’s not listening to them or respecting their needs and boundaries, and Ben keeps deciding that doesn’t matter as long as he’s right. And by the end of the movie…he still thinks that. He has not changed in any meaningful way and then Abigail takes him back anyway!

Abigail’s "arc" is that she doesn’t like Ben ignoring her input and assuming things about her and their relationship even if he turns out to be right…and then she decides that that’s okay because he found another treasure.

I would love to say there’s more to it than that but…

I hope by this point I have proven my credentials in the “reading emotional and thematic nuance into National Treasure” department, but I don’t think Book of Secrets has all that much going on under the hood.

If you do see something else I’d love to hear it! Drop a tag, comment or reblog!

And honestly? It just kind of makes me sad. There are a lot of things about BoS that make me slightly annoyed, but Ben and Abigail’s relationship makes me tired and sad. Because I like them together! I like how the first movie set them up as kindred spirits, but that shared passion and curiosity is gone in the sequel.

Something, something, honeymoon phase. Sure. But this isn’t a cutting realistic drama about a relationship falling apart. It’s National Treasure.

This moment, when Ben and Abigail embrace after the water ordeal, is supposed to make us feel good. Like, Yay! They lived! And they're finally back together!

But every time I get here it bums me out.

Because while the first National Treasure went out of its way to establish that Ben and Abigail had the makings of a solid couple before the treasure hunt forced them together, Book of Secrets works hard to unravel that foundation. By showing their relationship falling apart, then having them get back together even though Ben has not changed or learned any kind of lesson about respecting Abigail’s input, the sequel confirms what the original worked so hard to avoid: they’re only together because of the treasure hunts.

Abigail has no reason she should take him back now, except:

He’s rich and famous again

They almost died together again

Now, she seems to have been well off from the start. She has nice clothes, a high-ranking job, and drives a BMW in the sequel, not to mention she was getting his house?? They’re not married! File under: future article topics.

And while she could theoretically be woo’d by newfound riches, Abigail has never shown herself to be that interested in the monetary aspect of treasure hunting. In the first treasure room, she makes a b-line for Alexandria scrolls, not any of the gold. While I’m sure they are valuable, they’re more valuable for their historical value than their monetary worth. (It’s Riley who’s the most outwardly money-motivated of the group.)

The realer, sadder answer for me is that—at least as presented in BoS, and I take its canon-ness with a massive grain of salt—Ben and Abigail actually aren’t that compatible. What brings them together is the adrenaline of the hunt, and trauma bond of nearly dying in each other’s arms every couple of years.

The only thing that changed about their relationship between Abigail breaking things off and taking Ben back is that they went on a fun treasure hunt, did some crimes, and both almost died under Cibola.

Which means that in another year or two, once the press has calmed down and the exhibits have opened and there are far fewer high-adrenaline treasure-related activities to focus their attention and keep them together, their relationship is going to degrade again. As BoS presents it, there is apparently nothing for their relationship to stand on outside of treasure hunting.

That makes me so frustrated! Because the first movie explicitly puts in work to avoid this! It tries to convince us that they’d make a good match even before any of the shared treasure hunt stuff happens precisely because it’d be so easy to see their relationship as something only built on these moments of peril and turmoil with no real chance of lasting.

But BoS goes back and rewrites their history to ensure that is the case.

National Treasure presents the life-or-death treasure hunt as a fascinating moment in the development of their relationship, but not what actually brings or keeps them together.

National Treasure: Book of Secrets turns around and says that all the chemistry we saw at the beginning of the first film was actually not that important, and it’s the life-or-death treasure hunts that bring and keep them together. In the mundane reality of ordinary life, there is no hope for these two people to see anything interesting in one another, or to communicate well or respect each other (cough cough, Ben), or to be a healthy, functional, or interesting-to-watch couple.

And I think that sucks!

What do you think?

Next time, let's bring in the parents!

[thesnailtail]

i was dared to ask about the phantom thief minori au in the tags...

can we have details?

(also this au seems really cool)

;; well!!! >:D (also thank you!!)

;; small warning: later on there is a mention of hospitalisation and overworking yourself to the point of hospitalisation

;; minori and mizuki are partners at the start, two silly thieves doing silly things. the two detectives on their case are haruka and an! minori and mizuki's aliases are clover and amia.

;; the main way i can describe the next bit is: phantom thief minomizu -> ??? -> profit (domestic mizuan happens)

;; minori's reasoning for becoming a thief is that if she gets enough money from the things she takes then she can use it to make the world better right? robin hood reasoning. - haruka and an did notice the odd correlation between the heists and a sudden decrease in other crime and social problems in the area. but this thinking does lead to some unintended consequences later.

;; so now minori is the only phantom thief left in the area and haruka is the one trying to work out what the heck is going on with this case

;; then later on after haruka runs in on minori escaping and they have a very quick chat, minori worries that she offended haruka. so she calls up mizuki to give her a letter who then gives it to an who gives it to haruka.

;; that then leads to minori and haruka meeting on the roof of that detective agency and having a short little talk, mainly consisting on minori saying sorry over and over. haruka offhandedly mentions that she doesn't get paid enough for this job. so she goes to the building the next morning to get another letter from minori, this time with "just over four months of good paychecks for her" in money.

;; typical phantom thief shenanigans insue then minori almost gets shot. ive not explained it but my personal belief is rui was testing out the gun in his phantom thief card and minori happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. so she falls off of a rooftop and haruka catches her. luckily she's in casual clothes otherwise that might not have ended so well.

;; after a while this is when haruka and an get to fight. so canon haruka has problems overworking herself, well. well, haruka has to be reminded by an to eat, drink and sleep. she does the first two. she has not slept in a good week and has a caffeine dependency. so her and an argue (during which haruka is a jerk about it) about the state of her wellbeing until haruka collapses in the middle of it. and this kids is why you should take care of your health!

;; in the time when haruka is recovering in hospital, minori doesn't do any sort of heist because she feels bad. she thinks that she was the reason this happend. thought she visits haruka, saying that she was thankful for her catching her when she fell off of the building. and hey here's those unintended consequences from earlier! minori gets stuck in a loop of thoughts that are basically: she thought she was helping people, only for someone to get badly hurt because of her, so was she really even helping in the first place?

;; so when haruka gets back to her normal life, an is constantly worried about her at work. minori gets word from mizuki that she's alright. so she does one heist and no one comes.

;; she does another. and no one comes. she does a third and finally haruka shows up. so minori is absolutely panicking about if haruka's okay and haruka is just mildly annoyed at the fact this case is still ongoing. minori apologises for the problems she caused for haruka. at some point part of minori's disguise (probably the mask) falls off and haruka realises that one of the people who visited her most in the hospital was the person she's been chasing for the past 7 months-ish. yeah.

;; still working out how parts of it go on from there so im just gonna copy this bit from what i said earlier: phantom thief minori -> ??? -> profit (domestic minoharu happens)

;; other plot points im working on fitting in:

- minori gets her money from selling the things she steals to miku. miku encourages theft!

- married couple shizuai, they're a thing. main museum minori keeps stealing from so haruka has to deal with them a lot. in her sleep deprived state and it's not fun for anyone.

[cassiopeiagarcia]

‘For such a clever girl you do a lot of stupid things.’ Her stone-cold words and tone clashing with the crooked smile her lips bent into, Andrómeda was a vision. She had always been, as far as Cass' memory went… which wasn’t too much. Roughly eighty-seven years. She had lived longer than that, twenty-six years longer, in fact, but of that previous life before being bitten by Laszlo Cravensworth, her brother-in-law, and turned into a creature of the night, she had little recollection.

‘Yeah, I admit it wasn’t my best idea.’ Cass’ shrugged, as she shifted uncomfortably in her chair, changing her position because under the stare of her sister’s dark brown eyes, one could stay still for only so long.

She had, not for the first time, decided to terrorize her neighbors. Nothing much. Just used her telekinesis to make a few books fall from the shelves, get their dog to stare at an empty corner of the house and bark and groan and howl for a while. But yeah… since it hadn’t really… been the first time…

‘They’re going to end up calling a priest.’ A thick British accent. Laszlo, entering the room, smiling adoringly towards his wife as if they were still in the honeymoon phase instead of about to celebrate ninety years of marriage. He didn’t sound disappointed, only perhaps… mildly annoyed, but Cass’d bet he was used to her antics after an entire lifetime of putting up with her and Hércules.

‘Noooooo, they won’t. They’re atheists. They’ll probably just… move somewhere else.’

‘Like the previous ones did?’

‘Come on, Lasz! Admit it. It was a little funny.’ Cass tried her best. The same lopsided smile Andro had, but showing her teeth. Like a shark, or a wolf; like a predator. She lifted index and thumb, separating them only by a few millimeters. ‘Hilarious, I’d say.’

‘It was, but…’

‘That’s not the problem, Cass,’ Andro interrupted. She was shaking her head, but she wasn’t angry. More like… worried? ‘We need to keep low. Hércules works in Walmart. Why can’t you…?’

‘I’m not working in Walmart.’

‘No, no, of course not. But maybe… find some hobbies? Try to get out of the house? Hopefully do something that doesn’t involve our possible demise.’

‘Easy to say. You can be here forever and you’ll never get bored.’ Cass looked at Andro. Her older sister was beautiful, tasteful, discreet, elegant, had a refined sense of humor and an eye for business and, even if she was always the brightest star in the room, she never, ever, stole anybody’s entire attention for herself. Everybody loved her. Laszlo most of all. Proof of that were the moans and groans and different sounds of pleasure that flooded their bedchamber every single night. And sometimes, mornings and afternoons, too. 

The black-haired woman looked at the ring that adorned one of her hands. A gigantic diamond, the biggest stone that Cass had ever seen. She was glad Andro was happy. She was glad that they’ll be together as a family forever – literally. She just wished her idea of having fun didn’t clash as much with Lasz and Andro’s. 

She sighed, and, seeing as she wasn’t going to get an answer from neither of her companions, ended up nodding. ‘Sure. I’ll try to keep my torturing to a bare minimum.’

Again, she found herself missing someone. Something. A mask. A white mask with six eyes, that’d cover everything but the lower half of the face of the person wearing it. She didn’t know why, but in the last eighty-seven years, that mask had appeared in her mind time and time again, like a calming balm, like a beacon of sanity, like God’s answer to a prayer. Whenever she thought about it, Cass felt at home. A love so pure that it couldn’t be questioned. Where are you?, she asked, not for the first time.

Could he (she was sure it was a he) hear her? Would he answer, if he did?

*

The letter had arrived a few days after that conversation.

Dear Vampires, from all around the world.

We cordially invite you to a ball, a party, a reunion. It has been far too long since our last meeting in 1965… was it 1965? Ah, how fleeting memories are when you live forever. Anyway, we did think it was time for a réunion, as the French would say. To meet the newest members of our ranks, as well as to resume contact.

Please, confirm your attendance.

Signed,

The Vampiric Council.

‘A party,’ Andro summarized, after reading the letter out loud, with barely contained excitement. Laszlo, with his right arm surrounding his wife’s waist, was also smiling; he smiled whenever she smiled, so that literally said nothing about what he thought of this whole thing. He would have flooded their house with cockroaches, if Andrómeda had said it made her happy.

‘Cool.’ Hércules was a chill, laid-back guy. He was sitting down in one of the sofas in the living room, dressed with wide-leg jeans and a cool graphic t-shirt from some videogame only he knew about, reading a comic book distractedly, one he held between fingers full of rings. None of them silver, of course. 

Cass was the only killjoy. Her immediate response was to pout. ‘I don’t want to go.’

She wished she hadn’t said anything, because suddenly, her family members were looking at her with interrogative eyes.

‘What? I never have a good time. It’s always the same thing,’ She complained, feeling more and more like a toddler about to have a tantrum. ‘I don’t like it. If I hear one more comment about me having weird fangs again…’ 

It was common knowledge that all vampires had different fangs, depending on their bloodline. Andrómeda and Hércules had the same as Laszlo. Because he had been the one to turn them. And, while he had turned Cass too, hers were different; slightly bigger, more animalistic. Why? Nobody knew. But everytime she had met other vampires they had said the same thing: oh, what a strange pair of fangs you have, never seen anything quite like it…

It annoyed her. It made her feel like an outcast.

‘Cass…’ Andro was suddenly by her side. Her movements, fast and quiet. If Cass hadn’t seen her feet touching the ground she would have thought her older sister was levitating. ‘I want you to come. And… you should come, you’ll see Airi. And Aki.’

‘They’re your friends, not mine.’

‘They love you.’

Fine. She loved them too, but to admit it would be to lose what little power she had left.

‘I reaaaaaaally don’t want to go.’

‘Cassiopeia,’ Laszlo only used her full name when he was serious about something. ‘We all want you to come. It wouldn’t be the same without you.’

A small smile, but she still wasn’t fully convinced. Hércules stood up, then, throwing his comic book aside with all the drama and flair he could manage. ‘If you don’t come, I won’t go either, but you know this is probably my only chance to get laid in at least a decade, so…’

That made her laugh, and she ended up nodding, feeling like this was a battle she couldn’t really win. ‘Fine, I’ll go. But only because it’s the only way Hércules can get a potential partner for the night. Can I wear a Halloween mask and scare people?’

‘No,’ Andrómeda said, as stern and loving as only a mother (or a mother figure) could be. ‘But, you can wear one of my dresses.’