#Fake quotes

[amaryllis-sagitta]

Felassan: Ok but what are spirits in the Crossroads doing? Solas: Spiriting :))) Felassan: How about I carve a giant dick butt on every Wolf altar?

I love how even Felessan was tired of Solas’ bullshit, and yet loved him anyway (same)

[boywonderloverr]

more bau text memes

[zukkaflowers]

zuko: i just wanna be the one to make him smile

katara: yesterday sokka smiled because a child fell face first into the snow

aang, trying to be helpful: so maybe try that!

[bylerismyeverything]

Bobby: Hello my name is Bobby and I’m an alcoholic. And I brought the bowl.

Athena: Hi my name is Athena and when I was 9 a girl who was my next door neighbor went missing and 40 years later they found her remains inside the cement driveway of my family home and it turns out her killer was a close family friend who used to chase me around the orange grove just like he chased her before killing her. And I brought Swedish fish.

Bobby: My name is Bobby and when I was little my dad let me have a drink which I immediately threw up and my mom got mad at him and wanted to take me and my brother and leave but I didn’t wanna go and he slapped my brother but I stayed with him anyway and we lived alone for about a week and then I found him dead in the living room and that’s when I started drinking. And I brought skittles.

Athena: I’m Athena and one time I followed a hunch about a guy with a drone who turned out to be a serial rapist who beat me almost to death so I shot off his penis and then he escaped during his parole hearing and proceeded to kidnap my son so I shot five holes in his chest. Oh and I brought sour patch kids.

Bobby: Hi, I’m Bobby and one time I left a space heater on that started a fire in my building which killed 148 people including my wife and kids and I tried to make amends by saving 148 other people and then kill myself because I wasn’t supposed to live. And I brought airheads xtremes.

Athena: My name is Athena and my fiancé was killed and I didn’t tell anyone or dealt with it for 30 years until I finally found his killer only for him to be released 3 years later and request I be the one to transfer him. And I brought nerds gummy clusters.

Bobby: I’m Bobby and when I first moved to LA I joined a fire station and I had a good day there and so I relapsed because I didn’t feel like I deserved to have a good day. And I brought twizzlers.

Athena: My name is Athena and 7 years ago I found my daughter not breathing on her bedroom floor and I discovered it was because a girl was bullying her so I arrested her. And I brought peach rings.

Bobby: I’m Bobby and one time my sponsor called me and he sounded high and two days later I responded to a small fire call and found his corpse there. And I brought gummy sharks.

Athena: I’m Athena and I was married for 15 years to a man I knew was gay because I wanted to have kids. And I brought mike & ikes.

Bobby: I’m Bobby and one time I was dosed on LSD and saw my dead daughter, so I stood on a ledge of my firehouse and almost killed myself. And I brought sour gummy worms.

Athena: My name is Athena and when I was a little girl I was traumatized by a movie that showed a man falling on the ceilings glass windows of an upside down ship and a few months ago I saw the same thing recreated in real life. And I brought mini starburst.

Bobby: I’m Bobby and I almost died in the desert only for the cartel that chased me to burn down my house later. And I brought haribo berries.

Athena: I’m Athena and I almost died in said house fire from smoke inhalation. And I brought sour patch watermelon.

Bobby: I’m Bobby and after I got Athena to safety I had a heart attack and my heart stopped for 14 minutes. And I brought sour punch bites.

[quote-the-pooh]

"'I think', began Pooh, 'that there should be more Trans Women in the Forest, don't you, Piglet?' "Piglet thought about this for a moment. 'Pooh,' he said slowly, 'is this your way of telling me Something?'"

— 'Winnie the Pooh, Chapter XII'

[anae-naea-zacheria]

Things my family and I have said as Marauders quotes:

Peter: You don't mind having no clue what you're doing with your life while your family members are politicians, doctors, lawyers...?

Sirius: I mean, somebody's gotta be the disappointment of the family.

Remus: *sighs deeply*

Sirius: *smugly* Exactly.

[damiianismwayne]

damian: what did you draw

dick: a dog and he's bored.

dick: what did you draw?

damian: a stick.

dick: a stick?

damian: a stick from the park WHERE YOU PROMISED TO TAKE ME TODAY

dick: name a country beginning with V :)

jason: venezuela!

tim: vinland-

dick: huh??

jason: vinland?

tim: vinland

jason: OH MY DAYS! LOW IT! DONT CHAT TO ME! YOU SAID WHAT-

tim: i said vinland...

jason: VINLAND?!

jason: YOURE ON SOME JOKE TING

tim: he said F blud!

jason: whatchu said-

dick: 'V'!

jason: V.

tim: venus!

jason and dick:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

dick: fuck you. I HOPE YOUR WHOLE FAMILY HAS A NICE CHRISTMAS.

jason: i'm sorry, but i just cant support the existence of white people. thats not right.

damian: oh really? whats that.

tim:

jason: an exception.

damian: would you... still... love me.. if i was ga-

bruce: hm? if what?

damian: no that was the question-

dick: what did you get tim for his birthday?

jason: i got him a kitten.

dick: really?! me too!

stephanie: i also got him a cat!

duke: looks like we had the same idea!

jason: duke, please... tell me you didnt get tim a cat as well..

bruce: i got him... a kitten.

tim with the 5 cats around his room: THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER

dick: i'm also dressed, and- i made BREAKFAST.

dick: wait, where are my eggs-

damian: in my belly.

tim: why do you have a jojo siwa backpack?

damian: why are you such a fucking bitch.

tim: jesus fuck...

criminal running away from batman:

tim: look at this guy runnin.

tim: tf you runnin for?

tim: somebody chasin' u or something??

tim: ...

tim: OH FUCK WE CHASIN HIM-

damian: sis is this you right here in this alley?

jason: sister if you see a bitch in the alleyway with a dome-shaped red helmet over his head that is NOT me. GO. THE. OTHER. WAY.

joker as red hood:

damian: who is thissss-

dick: those are my favorite roast potatoes :)

jason: ill have you know...

jason: dick grayson.

jason: that those are actually MY favorite roast potatoes.

jason: so ill let ya off easy this time, dick grayson.

jason: with just this lil warnin.

jason: they cant be both our favorites, now, can they?

batman: what the-

terry: im batman. i need you to come with me

batman: who the heck are you?

terry: i just told you- listen. im from the future.

batman: how dare you point at me?

terry: you were pointing first

batman: rude to point.

terry: YOU ARE BEING VERY RUDE YOURE NOT EVEN FROM-

dick: which one pointed first?

damian: batman pointed first! obviously!

terry: YOURE POINTING AT ME RIGHT NOW!

batman: youre pointing.

terry: LOOK AT YOUR FINGER. LOOK AT YOUR FINGER RIGHT NOW-

batman: its different from normal pointing.

terry: YOURE ACCUSING ME OF POINTING WHY-

jason: alr important question for our friendship. when you go to the movie theatre do you ask for extra butter or regular butter? or no butter?

dick: i put skittles. not skittles- m&ms with the popcorn

jason: alr im gonna remove richard from this call-

dick: HOLD ON PLEA-

jason: something devilish has been brewing within me for years on end that will only escape through the means of physical violence.

[bdxpelik]

Rikuson: *dances with Maomao*

Jinshi: I will put an end to that man's bloodline.

Rikuson: You should lead the Western capital, Your Highness.

Jinshi: Curse you and your ugly bangs.

Rikuson: *sits on a couch*

Jinshi: The audacity of this son of a b-

Rikuson: 😊

Jinshi: Why I oughta toss this knave into a jail cell where he truly belongs.

Rikuson: *opens his mouth*

Jinshi: Imma get the dirt on you, fool, just you wait and see.

[san-fics]

[Private messages]

Felix: where are you?

Marinette: in Paris

Marinette: again

Felix: you were supposed to come back to London this morning

Felix: I came home and you weren't there

Marinette: I was there

Marinette: and left again

Felix: what are you doing in Paris?

Marinette: going to the train to go back to London

Felix: why did you go to Paris when you just came from there?

Marinette: I'll tell you later when I'm home

Marinette: I'm walking to the train and dragging my suitcase and bag

Marinette: it’s uncomfortable to text

Felix: no

Felix: tell me now

Felix: I need to know why my wife ends up in another city twice in the same day

Marinette: agh

Marinette: okay!

Marinette: when I came home I saw dark hair on the bed and next to it

Marinette: I freaked out, packed my things, and went back to my parents in Paris

Marinette: and while I was on the train I realized that I only dyed my hair light three days ago

Marinette: and that this hair in our bedroom is mine

Marinette: a little dumb, I know

Felix: a little?!

[troythecatfish]

[sybersepticeye]

Actor; gender? Dark; no . fuck you. Actor; i cant write that on the form Dark; coward

[fennecfiree]

Cartman would so grief kyles shit in minecraft

Kyle: DUDE!! WHERE THE FUCK DID MY PUMPKIN FARM GO

[boywonderloverr]

silly little bau text memes

[zukkaflowers]

sokka: so imagine you’re about to kill a turtleduck

zuko, suspicious: okay…

sokka: 😐 wtf is wrong with you why would you imagine that

[bylerismyeverything]

Francesca: You look pretty today, Penelope.

Penelope: Do not mock me.

Colin: Pen, what did we talk about?

Penelope: Right, not every compliment is meant as an insult.

Penelope: Was this one?

Colin: If you mock my beautiful wife I’ll send you back to Bath.

[daystud]

Kaede: She believed

Kokichi: S(he) be(lie)ve(d)

Kaito: S be ve