san-fics

[san-fics]

Sabrina: How do you find the combination of red and green?

Chloe: I definitely find the red and green combination yellow!

[san-fics]

[when people deserve each other]

Felix: I love my wife, it's nice to be with a woman who has good taste in men…

Marinette: Like I always say, the ideal wife is the one my husband has…

[san-fics]

Damian: So, if a woman has very developed oral reflexes and always wants to… er, lick you or... bite you, which doctor should I bring her to?

Dick: Well, to a psychologist or a psychotherapist, probably…

Jason: Are you crazy? There’s no need to treat that!

Tim [resolutely]: Bring her to a vet.

[san-fics]

Jason: I’ve realized that everyone around me is basically crazy, because they all want two things

Jason: 1) To kill someone who annoys them, and 2) to be loved…

[san-fics]

Marinette: I decided to take a radical approach to fighting my fears.

Marinette: I have plans for five parachute jumps for the summer!

Alya: Why exactly five?

Marinette: I don’t have any more clean pants...

[san-fics]

[Marinette and Felix are walking in the park]

Felix: Yes, my dear?

Marinette: If you say “Yes, my dear” to a crow’s cawing one more time, I'll divorce you!

[san-fics]

Rena Rouge: So, how do you like the gym in the batcave?

Ladybug: I do like it. Only… Yesterday when I finished doing an exercise, there was a situation…

Ladybug: I'm sitting on the exercise machine, resting. And then I see, it seems Robin is looking at me! It's not clear because of the mask, but he is obviously turned towards me, and there's that damn half-smile on his lips…

Ladybug: Well, I decide not to miss the opportunity to attract his attention and start stretching—this way and that, throw my hair up beautifully and arch my back seductively, you know...

Ladybug: Then he comes up to me and says, “Well, are you finally done?”

Ladybug: And he sat down on the exercise machine after me, to pump his back...

[san-fics]

🔞

Jason: A common mistake women with small breasts make is to think that small breasts are a problem.

Dick: Are they also mistaken about the penis size? Say they are, say they are!

Jason: A common mistake women with small penises make is to think that small breasts are their main problem…

[san-fics]

Marinette: I was riding in a taxi today and the driver was in a great mood

Marinette: “I love my job,” he said, “I am my own boss, you know, no one tells me what to do.”

Marinette: And I said, “Turn left here…”

[san-fics]

Felix: Marinette got offended and went to Paris to her parents, because I called her ‘my first wife’

Felix: Now I'm working on getting her home so I don't have to look for a second one...

[san-fics]

Damian [smugly]: And today I finally brought Alfred the cat to our new apartment

Jon: I thought Marinette didn’t want a cat

Damian: Yes, but she’s afraid of mice…

Jon: And where did you get the mice from?!

Damian: Yesterday I brought them home myself...

Jon: Why?!

Damian: Because Marinette didn’t want Alfred the cat to live with us...

[san-fics]

Jason: Today I almost met such a cool girl!

Dick: Why “almost”?

Jason: Well, at the last minute I decided that a mental hospital is not the best place to meet the girl of my dreams…

[san-fics]

[at the pet store]

Alya: Look how this hamster is overjoyed! He got some carrots and he’s happy.

Marinette: Yeah… I envy him, I want to be like him…

Alya: Ugh.. you also want to get a carrot?...

Marinette: Actually, I meant happy like him, but your wording made me think...

[san-fics]

Marinette: I'm so tired of this rain...

Felix: Don't worry, my dear, we're in London!

Felix: Tired of this one? Another one will come soon!

Felix: There are 365 types of rain in London…

[san-fics]

Marinette: Just look at him, hanging around with girls, wasn’t he?! Why the hell do you need these girls at all?! What kind of street girl was it that you found, damn it, who rubs with everyone! Can you imagine where she had wandered before meeting you! Just to think, he wants street girls now! She probably has all kinds of infections! And then you’re going to bring all these infections from your damn street girls into my bed?!

[Marinette’s monologue to Alfred the cat while searching for fleas]

[san-fics]

🔞

Dick: Today I saw the antipode of the stork delivering babies

Dick: A crow carrying a condom in its beak…

[san-fics]

Bruce: Jason, what kind of case report did you send me?!

Jason [defensively]: Well, I’m not a humanities major, so that I could write reports that sound nice!

Jason: Is it my fault that I can't formulate them without swearing...