#FUCK YOU WE DEFEND PUDDING

[blacklegsanjiii]

•°♤°• I remember from the Egghead Island Arc that Bonney compliments Sanji and Luffy got all angry and protective bc that's his cook. In the Whole Cake Island Arc when Pudding told Luffy she was gonna kill Sanji, if it was in the God AU, how would have Luffy reacted? And what if his brothers were with him, in the same cell, chained right next to their little brother as this 3rd eye woman proudly proclaims how she's gonna kill their husband.

Bonney not understanding why Luffy got all protective about Sanji until she sees Nika and she asks if Sanji is the ocean god because the stories of Nika being protective of the ocean are long standing and Luffy is like 'duh, he's my husband.' which makes Bonney just crumple that a god made her food. As for WCI: Luffy, who still hasn't fully unlocked his god form and Sabo is preparing for the Reverie so he's not there, looks at Ace and is like 'our husband' and Ace is like 'has he unlocked his god form? or is it just me?' and Luffy says it's just Ace who groans and Pudding is very confused.

But also just imagine Judge looking at Sanji who unlocked his god form in the fight against Big Mom after saving Luffy. Judge goes to shit talk him, does, and then before he can even try to talk shit about his son being a god he's interrupted by the firefight from Big Mom. No one except Ace and Luffy realize he unlocked his god form. Ace and Luffy still complain about Pudding trying to kill their husband. They will for lifetimes. Sanji however comes to her defense everytime because if Sanji had just been human and hadn't escaped? He would have ended up like her, it's not her fault that she ended up like that.

[riverkaterina]

Aaaaannnnd here's the rest! (For now)

KOTW INCORRECT QUOTES PT. 3!!! Everyone edition! Especially the brothers

Wrath: Dammit, Lust, you ruined everything!

Lust: You’re welcome.

Emilia: Vittoria, you're testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow, and the D.A. is worried about how you'll present yourself on the stand.

Vittoria: Why? I'm fine on the stand!

*flashback to Testimony #1*

Vittoria: Look, I'll make this real simple so even these dumdums can understand.

Vittoria, to the jury: MAN DID CRIME.

*flashback to Testimony #2*

Vittoria: I'm sorry, could you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face?

Defense Attorney, next to the crying defendant: ...Crying?

*flashback to Testimony #3*

Vittoria: And when this is over, I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna break those little fingers.

Judge: Could the witness please stop threatening the stenographer?

Wrath: Emilia, what are you doing?

Emilia: Making chocolate pudding.

Wrath: It's four in the morning, why are you making chocolate pudding?

Emilia: Because I've lost control of my life.

Emilia: Here's your pudding, Envy.

Envy: Oh that's okay, I'm not hungry anymore.

Pride: I warned you.

Pride: I'm perfect.

Envy: I’m 80% awesome 20% water and 100% handsome.

Wolf: That’s 200%.

Envy: I’m twice the man you’ll ever be.

Wrath: What does a winner do when life gives them lemons?

Anir: Um, make lemonade?

Wrath: No, they squeeze them right back into life’s eyes!

Anir: Am I in trouble?

Wrath: Take a guess.

Anir: No?

Wrath: Take another guess.

Literally anyone: What’s your body count?

Literally any of the demon princes: Do you mean sex or murder?

Emilia: I baked you a pie!

The witches: Really?! What flavor?

Emilia: *pulls [flame flowers] out of the pie* DEATH!

Sloth: I haven’t slept in 72 hours…

Gluttony: I haven’t slept in 80. I’m the insomnia king!

Envy: Ha! I haven’t slept in 90 hours, I’m aiming for an even 100.

Emilia: What the fuck is wrong with you people?

*the brothers are at a dinner party but someone has been murdered*

Greed: You’re acting pretty carefree for someone who’s life’s at stake. Who’s to say you aren’t the killer?

Pride: It’s a murder, not a tax audit. I’ll be fine.

Greed: What about Sloth? Nobody ever suspects Sloth

Sloth: Well what about Gluttony? He has a gun! [Ice rifle]

Gluttony: Wrath has [his dagger out]

Wrath: Yeah, for fun, not for [unnecessary] murder! *stabs Gluttony in the arm*

Vittoria: I think I mostly want to see what happens when this whole place breaks apart.

Pride: when I was married, you know what my wife always told me?

Wrath: stop [having dalliances] with other people? (I'm sorry I had to 😭)

Lennox to Envy: haha you should have seen your face you were like, "AAAAAA NOOOO BETRAYLLLLL"

Pride: WHY. why did you give Emilia a KNIFE?!

Wrath: I’m sorry [sarcasm, duh], she said she felt unsafe.

Pride: Now I feel unsafe!

Wrath: ... would you like a knife?

Envy: If you had to choose between Lennox and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Camilla: That depends, how much money are we taking about?

Lennox: Camilla!

Envy [who emptied his wallet prior]: 63 cents.

Camila: I'll take the money.

Lennox: CAMILLA!

[funnelcloudd]

There’s this bizarre strain of American exceptionalism running through the US left where we think we’re the only evil empire in the world besides maybe the UK, and therefore anyone we oppose for whatever reason is by default a Good Guy and it’s why you see so many Putin and Assad defenders logged the fuck on at any given time. Absolute pudding brain shit. Exhausting.

[tarttheart]

PRECIOUS LOVE: CHAPTER 12 (FINALE) - JAMIE TARTT x YOU

summary: you get Jamie’s help to find some closure.

word count: 1.2k

warnings: language, mention of pregnancy loss

-

chapter 12: from heaven above

Jamie found himself waiting at the address you texted him in a dull black hoodie and jeans. The audacity to try to restrict his fashion choices, he thought albeit through a smile. He could not believe he had a chance to make it right with you but also, what could it be that you two would be doing together?

“Hey, thanks for coming,” you greeted as you approached him, speeding up when you spotted him in the distance.

You were dressed pretty lowkey too and holding a little posy. You gestured for him to follow you as you stepped onto church grounds and went through a side gate. Intrigued, Jamie followed silently only to find himself in a little church garden, sitting on a bench next to you after you set the posy by a plaque in the middle.

“We’re at a church,” Jamie announced, stating the obvious.

“Yeh, yeh, we are,” you said, squinting up into the spring sun.

“I didn’t know you’re religious.”

“I’m not,” you inhaled sharply before turning to him, trying to keep a steady voice as you spoke, “it’s the anniversary of my due date.”

“Oh, fuck,” Jamie said softly.

“I’ve always spent it at home grieving in bed but, I feel like it’s time for some change and to move on. I figured it was right to say goodbye to Lemy here and with you.”

“Lemy?”

“Yea, I called it Lemy when it was in my belly,” you reminisced fondly.

“What the fuck kind of name is Lemy?”

“It was short for Lemon because I like lemon tarts,” you defended.

“Because you like lemon tarts? Why didn’t you call it chocolate cake or custard pudding?”

“God, Jamie, you can be so dense. What is your last name?”

“Oh… fuck…” Jamie swore before curiously asking, “you would’ve used my last name?”

“Eh, I hadn’t decided but maybe. Depending on how you had reacted when I told you. Maybe both our last names or just one. I don’t know.”

You cleared your throat, shifting the conversation back to the present, “so, yes, I wanted to say goodbye to Lemy and I thought it might nice for you to know about Lemy and Lemy to know you.”

“Right, so, what do we do?” Jamie asked, not having done anything remotely close to this before, “do we just talk and shit?”

“Yea, I’ll start,” you offered, “hey Lemy, it’s me, your mum.”

You paused, feeling your emotions choke up in your throat and the tears forming. Jamie reached over to hold your hand, giving it a little squeeze to serve as a reminder that he was there and you had his support.

You composed yourself and continued, “It’s been four years, hey. I think about you all the time. But, Lemy, Mum thinks she needs to start looking forward and Dr Sharon helped me understand that you would want me to too. I might not dedicate the day to you going forward, but I still love and remember you. Forever and always. Thank you for bringing me joy even if only for a little while and you’ll always be family even if we never met physically. Be healthy and happy wherever you are.”

Jamie felt his own emotions overwhelm him. This was the first time he was learning of Lemy or even really spending time thinking about Lemy. He could not even begin to imagine what it would have been like for you thinking about it so much throughout the years.

“I brought someone special to see you today, Lemy… this is Jamie, I told you about him before…”

“Uh, yeh, hi,” Jamie started, hesitating for a second before he continued, “hey Lemy. It’s me, your dad, Jamie.”

The words felt weird coming from his mouth but when he looked over at you, he knew they were right. The sad smile on your face encouraged him to continue, “sorry we haven’t spoken before but now that I know about you, I, uh, I might drop in every now and then. I appreciate you being with your mum when you did. It sounds like you made her really happy when you were with her. She really loves you and she misses you.”

“I wish we could’ve all met, yeh. Would’ve loved to see who you’d have been more like,” Jamie smiled sadly to himself, pausing as he tried to gather himself before he finished with, “uh, right, yeh. Go well.”

The air was sombre and you both sat quietly, each taking in the heaviness of the moment and what had been said.

You were first to speak, “I genuinely meant to tell you. Then, they said it was a bit small so I waited. Then, it wasn’t going to happen so I didn’t. You didn’t need to know about something that wasn’t happening.”

“But other stuff was happening, I should’ve known. You were pregnant, I should’ve known.”

“Right, imagine that call, Jamie. “Hey, I know you’re a premier league star and I’m living across the world but I was pregnant with your kid. I say was because I’ve now lost the baby. Thought you should know, bye”,” you paused for effect and Jamie sighed.

“You had so much going for you, I didn’t want to be a distraction,” you explained.

“You wouldn’t have though. You’d have made me better.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. I was a proper fucking prick at Man City and you still got in me head, you did.”

You laughed, “well, it’s all in the past now.”

“I was a bit fucked up after you stopped replying,” Jamie admitted.

“I’m sorry,” you apologised, meaning every bit of the apology.

“I fucked things up with Keeley too because a part of me was like, “what’s the fucking point if even you couldn’t see good in me? You’re a fucking Saint and you thought I was shit”.”

“I-I… I…”

“They set me back on the right path, Richmond did. Coach, Keeley, even fucking Roy. They made me better so you know, I can be here for you now without being a fucking arsehole”

“Jamie, I’m sorry you ever thought it was your fault. I’m sorry I didn’t communicate better with you then. I couldn’t catch my breath to even say the words. When it happened I was barely surviving and maybe it would’ve helped having people but, I couldn’t do that to anyone else.”

“Yeh, look, the me now wants to say I’d have been there for you then too but, I was a fucking prick so I might not have been. I’m just glad I can be here for you now. And, you know, if you need, in the future.”

You smiled. You had spent the better part of five years avoiding Jamie because of how much it reminded you of what had happened before. He was a painful memory. But, here and now, with Lemy on this pretty significant day, you almost felt like it was right.

“Yea, maybe. In the future,” you said, meaning it as you looked at how Jamie was still holding onto your hand.

Jamie smiled a little before joking, “I get final say on names, yeh?”

“What?” You snapped.

“No more naming kids after fruits, yeh? We aren’t in fucking America.”

“Deal.”

-

< chapter 11 | master list

[heroicintention]

@wexarethewalkingxdead sent munday headcanon asks! (regarding the walking dead)

☺ : Favourite canon scene/chapter involving your muse?

Rick: The scene where he goes absolutely feral, rips out Joe's throat with his teeth, and guts the man that hurt Carl? It goes hard and I really like seeing how far he goes to defend what part of his family he has left. Also the moments when Rick realizes Judith is alive? It's a lovely time. And, okay, I watch the scene of Rick getting dragged like a dog a lot but shut up.

Carl: I love a majority of his scenes okay. But in the comics, I love Shane's death and his reaction. In the show? Shane's death was also a big thing for him... I really like his time guarding the kids at the prison, the scene where he absolutely degrades Rick and then realizes he can't kill his father (and all the pudding shenanigans in between), and of course... the raid on the saviors. I cannot WAIT to get to that in the comics.

Lizzie: Her death episode. It's fucking chilling and I love it. Tyreese's death episode is also pretty interesting and I loved that we see her come back.

Beth: My favorite time for her was with Daryl, just because of how at ease she was despite turning harder, but there's something about the scene where they're in the trunk of the car, watching out to see if they'll make it through the night that I love.

Ж : What do you like best about RPing, in general?

Meeting new people with similar interests! I feel like that was something I struggled with when I was younger because I would be hyperinterested in things and I never found many people who were into the same things-- or if they were, they didn't want to go on about it for days at a time. While I adore writing, I adore the connections more.

▽ : Any RP pet peeves?

While I am not a person that demands matching length, I can't stand when I write paragraphs and get back like three sentences. Or worse-- only dialogue. I love getting into the weeds of thought process and scene setting. And more over... I like having something to work with.

פ : Any characters you'd like to RP with that are currently played by no one?

I would LOVE to see a Gabriel. I feel like I've not seen one and I'm in need. Abraham and Tara are also sweeties I've not really seen who I'd enjoy.

Okay. And Simon. I'd love to bother a Simon.

[deathweak]

my review (ish) of whole cake island saga/one piece until chapter 902 (obv spoilers until then)

originally my fav arc was alabasta. then water seven/enies lobby. then it was impel down. then it was punk hazard/dressrosa. but then...whole cake island... actual emotional rollercoaster

the best part of this arc was definitely how human some of big moms kids were. my fav new characters introduced in this arc were pudding, chiffon, brulee and katakuri. i wish that big moms kids will all escape from her.. oda writes abusive families a lot, even the 'good' parents will beat their kids in one piece, i guess thats just the world they live in... but when it's a bad parent... oh man.

i managed to somehow not get spoiled about sanjis family at all, i was pretty shocked abt the reveal. i love reiju, even tho she was complicit in/a bystander to a lot of the abuse sanji suffered, i dont think there was anything more she couldve done. she saved his life multiple times over. i really hope we get to see her again.

but the best character in this arc was pudding. her mood swings/evil personality/tsundere gag wasnt the funniest ever but she was genuinely so human.. the way i kept going back and forth like.. is she just pretending to be evil? is she pretending to be in love with him? is she gonna betray him?? AND THE KISS... i actually ship sanji and pudding just a little ..

like i actually cried here. her arc was just chefs kiss(lol) amazing.

my other favourite antagonists were brulee and katakuri. at first i didnt like either of them, but after how much the gang bullied brulee i started to feel sorry for her and grew fond of her. i also always end up having a soft spot for odas 'ugly' female characters since it's just such a breathe of fresh air inbetween all the uncomfortable fan service (honestly the fan service kinda ruins a lot of scenes)

i didnt think there would be any deeper connection between brulee and katakuri until the very last moment, and this scene is one of my favourites in the whole series

like. brulees SMILE. the scar. katakuri was just defending his sister.. also the way flampe thought she was the favourite sister. nah!! thats brulee!!! i fucking ended up really loving her. i mean without her powers being abused by straw hats they wouldve all died. sorry brulee, you didnt deserve that... i hope mama didnt punish her after. also the way that katakuri was glad luffy got away!! he gained so much respect for luffy during their fight. Also i love how hes lowkey a jojo reference (and your next line will be...)

the way that a lot of big moms kids think theyre monsters is so sad.. but these three are just my favourites. i honestly love them. this arc is really about family bonds.. blood family and found family especially.

like sanji calling zeff his father multiple times and denouncing judge, but still hes such a kind person he had to save his blood family anyway. SANJIIiii. man. the way he really is. truly. KIND. i hate whenever hes being a complete pervert, sometimes its funny when hes in the respect women mode but when hes just being a creep i hate him. but this arc made me appreciate him a lot more, and i can kinda forget abt all the weird stuff.

when he was crying in the rain, lost all hope, and luffy gives him the light again..

i like that men are allowed to cry in one piece. like kyros cried all the time after being turned human again, and sanji cried multiple times in this arc. i cried at this scene as well.. luffy really out here saving the lives/souls of his whole crew. hes such a pure bright star..

lastly this scene!! CORAZOOOOONNNN!!! luffy didnt even know about that..the way he held his mouth shut and forced a smile to make sure his crew wouldnt be worried.

if i didnt know that he was gonna survive i might have actually thought he was gonna die

the annoying part about one piece for me is the plot armor tbh. theres no stakes, bc i know none of the straw hats can die. idk if id want one of them to die but it would bring some real shock to the readers. like the gang will pretty much always win by some trick in the end, sometimes its funny like how usopp defeated sugar, but sometimes it feels like a bit of a cop out. but i think luffy and katakuris fight was believable, the only gripe i have with it is that it was dragged out a biiit too long. this arc couldve been a good 5-10 chapters shorter if oda hadnt dwelled so long on things.

also i love love love how lola became relevant again and chiffon wanted to repay the debt of nami saving her twin sister, also mamas vivre card coming in clutch lmao. nami was epic in this arc, she went up against big mom without losing her shit too badly. i love her sadistic streak lolll. cant forget brook in this either, he was hilarious.

finally. RIP pound. a great father. also RIP pedro. two good guy casualties in one arc, is oda finally permakilling people?

overall id say this arc was a 9/10. -1 point for being a bit dragged out and the fan service with reiju.

[bladehyme]

Bunkmates and Bedmates (Breaking Character)

Chapter 1

Loyaltis prisons are many things; secure, overpopulated,  And those times? That’s when this place was a pain in the dick. A pain that was caused by jack asses in this damn place. Boston’s knuckles ache from the bruises they earned from the same fight Boston's roommate got hurt. It had been a hell of twelve hours, from the scrap with fucker, to being containted by the guards, to getting the doctor on sight, then those that needed body bags or treatment, we carried off, and then the fun was over, back to the cells. 

Boston was a human male. A tired fuck, who was being stupid and is now paying a price is this cell. Did he deserve this punishment? One hundred percent, but not for this crime, but for the hundreds under the radar. Perks of being a cowboy in this world he supposed. If his sentence was prolonged for what happened yesterday, it would be worth it. His roommate, Nash, shouldn’t have gotten involved, much less gotten hurt because of him. 

Nash was one of the injured from the fight, was one who needed medical treatment. The bastard Boston put in the body bag got a lucky shot off on Nash, which got Boston an upgrade with his stay here: an anti-magic collar he was wearing now and probably would have to until the day of his release. Up till this point, he didn’t know he had combat magic, healing sure, but never calling the wrath of Lythander to strike another. He didn’t know such magic still existed. Perhaps once he got out he’d ask Father Anderson-

“Hell no.” Boston said to himself. He couldn’t go back to the church, nor the country of Vorrak’k. He was given a job to do, and like the ones from his past, he quit. Shit hit the fan and he quit. If he’d just rolled with the punches, none of this would have happened… guess that’s what a roll a nat 1 on foresight. Boston sighed, lit a cancer stick as the door opened as Nash entered. Nash, a half orc giant of a man, had just been released from the infirmary after a nasty scrape and shank wound or two from them got into the day previously. The way he carried himself, it was clear he was still in recovery, his personality matched his physical state too.

“Ya don’t think this will prolong my jail time too long will it?” Boston asked as the door closed behind Nash, a feeble attempt of humor, Boston isn’t known for his jokes. Nash didn’t answer, he barley grunted as he laid himself down on the lower bunk. Boston took a long inhale of his cigarette, looked down to the half orc and smirked, “What’s wrong? Doctor got your tongue?”  

“Fuck off,” Nash grumbled turning to face the wall, “My sentence is going to be prolonged because of you.” “That bastard had it coming,” Boston defended himself, “He would have eaten my pudding if I hadn’t-” “Is prison a joke to you?!” Nash sitting up looking at Boston, “We could have been sent to solitary confinement, or worse been killed.” “Didn’t know ya cared sweetheart,” Boston said, coming down from his top bunk. The human took a drag and made eye contact with Nash, and said, “We’re going to get out of here, it’s that simple. Ya worry too much.”

“You don’t worry enough,” Nash said looking away, blushing, he tried to reach for Boston's hand, for companionship, “That guy you were fighting had a reputation of eating those he doesn’t like. So… thanks.” 

“Don’t sweat it too much.” Boston smiled looking over Nash. Not noticing Nash’s hand, Boston turned to take a piss.  

“Damn it Boston.” Nash said, turning away from the indecent display.

“We’re roommates Nash,” Boston smoked, “We’ve showered together and many other things-” 

“It’s still weird,” Nash blushed, trying not to admire Bostons draining pipe. The orc realized his hand was still outstretched toward Boston, he withdrew his hand, and attempted to change the subject, “Do you think we'll have more fights?”

“Now that word is out I have weird combat magic one hundred percent,” Boston sighed finishing, he zipped up his jumpsuit looking back at Nash, seeing the twitches of pain asked,“Doc couldn’t use instant skin or use a laser cauterizer?”

“I’m fine Jones,” Nash grumbled trying to adjust but still in pain, “If you hadn’t used your magic on me, you instead decided to kill a man.”

“He fucking stabbed you Nash,” Boston snapped grabbing Nashes shoulder so they were facing each other. The human stared down the orc, despite their difference in height and stature, Boston's presence was intimidating. Nash began to blush, Boston continued, “I wasn’t going to let that slide. You matter to me.”

“I-” Nash stopped himself, his cheeks were burning, and the eye contact was causing something else was growing warm. He turned away, “You never told me that, thank you.”  

“Oh ya don’t get to snap at me, blush and then thank me,” Boston said, putting out the cigarette. He pulls Nash's face so eye contact is had and growls, “I saved your ass, now it’s mine.” “Jones I don’t know what you’re-” The ork moaned before his breath was cut short by Boston's touch. It caught him by surprise, to the point his body buckled, begging for more.  

“Right, ya don’t know what I’m talking about,” Boston mocked, pulling Nash out, “And ya don’t know what I’m going to do with this.” 

“Boston you can’t-” was all the orc was able to say before the human began his work. The stimulation was rough and efficient. Boston's intent was clear, and at the pace he was working, Nash’s stamina would fail him. That was before Boston used his silver tongue. All Nash could respond with was: “Fuck Boston you’re really really good at-”

“Ya talk too much,” Boston mocked, pulling away from his work. He was going to say more, but Nash grabbed Boston's head and proceeded to make the human choke. Boston removed himself from the equation, eyes watering, gasping for breathe for a few seconds. After he recovered from failing the Constitution Saving Throw, he glared at Nash who was sweating bullets already, “Careful now, or you will kill me quicker than any thug in this place.”

“I didn’t mean-”

                                                    The paladin went back to work, gaining a surprise round. This time it was different; a mixture of both his unholy works, hand and mouth in tandem. With the words barely moaning out of Nash’s mouth, you’d think he was praising a higher power. Before the orc was able to feel the release of tension that was rising, Boston stopped. 

“Why… why’d you stop?” Nash panted his legs shaking, he almost gratified himself, but Nash knew better, Boston had a reputation for being rougher when disappointed. Not that was a bad thing, but in this circumstance? Nash decided not to risk it. 

“I’m not done with you,” Boston stated plainly standing, removing his jumpsuit with a swift movement. Nash’s cheeks went bright green, with delight and blushing. Boston cracked his neck adjusting to the temperature change and then ordered the orc as he put out the cigarette on his own hand, “Don’t leave me hanging Nash- ya’ve had your fun, don’t think my work is free.”

There wasn’t time for a bonus action before Nash returned the actions Boston had given him. It was now Nash’s turn to show the true carnal power of a barbarian. Unlike the orc however, Boston didn’t respond to the affection, not even breathing heavily as Nash spent his time trying to make him burst with pleasure. Infact, as if trying to drive Nash into a rage, Boston sighed boredly, grabbed a cancer stick, and took a drag casually. 

“Wet your favorite weapon and then we shall see the damage I can do with it,” Boston ordered his stormy blue eyes piercing into Nash’s trembling brown eyes. Boston took another puff of his prison currency, and said, “Show me your carnal wrath you have inside of you; the same you used to save me from that tiny pricked fuck.” 

Thanks for coming by and reading! If you'd like to watch the source material: Check them out live on twitch.tv/adventures_and_initiative on Wednesdays at 21:30 Pacific East Cost. or check out their Youtube Playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqrIedq0bXtHdna_n1ys7NDHKE1VXe-UJ

[truth-burns]

My mother married a pedo and ran away with him leaving me a 14 year old with my autistic 12 year old sister…

yeahhhh that’s a great title wish I could say it’s clickbait but um unfortunately it’s not… Hi! I’m Ann or Anna? Um it’s a middle name I’m a bit scared to share my real name… ((all public information has me under LM)) I’m 17 now and finally ready to put my story out there or at least chapters? So if you want more then please let me know I’ve been told I should write a real book on my story but idk?…

so the title is big but we gotta start from the beginning….

TW mentions of abuse, clearly sexual assault drug abuse, alcohol abuse God, everything at this point! Suicide yep the whole lot!

My mother from what I’ve heard. Use to be a good person she graduated high school and had a car but when she was 19 she met my bio father (I wasn’t around so this is the scraps I’ve picked up on along the way!) they both did drugs together. My mother was a violent person she would push any and all buttons to start up any fight. She would punch,hit,bite she did it all. Not saying my dad was great either but I don’t have his side of the story and my mothers is BS

I wasn’t supposed to be here. I was a huge mistake after my mother took my dad back even though she had put a restraining order on him they had sex and boom bitch Anna was born! This started a huge fight with everyone my parents, grandparents, aunts uncle. They weren’t supposed to be together in the first place because of the restraining order (idk really remember what happened after this it’s a blur story thanks PDSD brain real helpful!) my mom got off drugs for me or so I’ve been told.

I was was born and shortly after they fucked up again and had my little sister… they were together at the time however it definitely wasn’t stable. My mother and father had gone off to a drug festival using weed,mushrooms and other drugs… my dad caught my mom in another man’s tent having sex. But they still stayed together and then boom my sister came (not sure if she full blood or not tbh… but the drugs fucked her up so thanks a lot mom and dad..”)

the earliest memory I have is being locked in a room with a crib and a old fashioned tv covered in chocolate pudding from may (sister fake name) I was 5! And expected to watch her take care of her while my parents were where!? In the damn living room high of their asses fighting

another memory I have is my dad locking my mom in with us she threw a mattress out the window and we jumped out? (Not clear memory)

When kids say they’re first words it’s usually Mama dada or something like that but they weren’t around my first word ‘kitty’ Mays ‘Jack!’ THE DAMN CAT! Yeah! Both kids first words were about a cat!

we moved in and out of apartments and my grandparents house. My mom would constantly bring my dad back for weed and sex even though there was a restraining order and they had gotten divorced. But soon enough he stopped showing up (Jail???) a new creepy guy moved in next door and suddenly mom was practically living there but DHS was involved so she had to make it look like everything was fine she had a teenager watch us for a week while she was were? IN THE NEXT APPARTMENT! Me and may 6 and 5 would cry for her (we could hear her through the wall!) but she didn’t come see us. Long story short, the guy turned out to be another drug dealer on the run from the police. we moved into like three other apartments and he moved in with us at one point. I have a very distinct memory of hearing them fighting and walking into the bathroom hearing him say. “I’ll call 911 Shanda!” When I walked in, of course immediately to go and try to defend my mom. (The Bathtub knives in it they were soaking in water. I think I’m not really sure.?) Only remember is him down your head in the bathtub, her sleeves, her forehead open and then him leaving after calling 911.. cop showed up and he packed his bags and walked out. They started a whole manhunt after him and he came BACK because my mom called him and ‘missed him’ does he came in? I was supposed to be asleep on the floor in front of the TV I clearly WAS NOT. he left shortly after in a panic and not even a few hours later I found out that he was arrested.

after that, everything seemed fine, but I found out that DHS had gotten involved and we had been removed and put back with her grandparents again getting partial custody with her mom so we would go on visits like once a week soon enough, we were returned back to our mother who surprise surprise met another guy however this guy was different. He was a really good man. They were together for a few years and they got married. We moved into a house first ever stable house. Buttttt of course my mother had to ruin it… (I don’t remember much of the story I remember hearing some of the fighting however, like I said, the guy was a really nice guy. He didn’t want the kids to get involved and for the most part he did a good job of hiding it from us…. I talked to him when I was 15 to get more in the story, but he still didn’t wanna share. He gave me the basic information that I needed for court. Thanks EH!)

The divorce was nasty. I remember my mom breaking stuff in the house that belong to him and us moving in with my grandparents again…. It was this time that my depression had grown. I was 11 living up in my grandparents attic above the garage with seven cats. And a hedgehog. My mom is an animal hoarder and abuser… during this time yes of course I raised my little sister. The attic was unsafe and unfit for children. There was pink fluffy cotton stuff everywhere. ((I’m 17 I should probably know what that is… fiberglass installation maybe I’m not sure..))

Not only was it not fit for children. It was definitely not fit for cats! Who was responsible for seven cats? Oh YEAH THE 11 year old! The attic was huge however it was absolutely freezing in the winter. Luckily, we were given heated blankets that didn’t really help the cats though. (NO HEAT I LEGIT THOUGHT I WAS A DRAGON BECAUSE I COULD SEE MY BREATH!) and Summers were absolutely excruciating. We were up there for I believe two winters and one summer.? Somewhere along the line, my mother decided she didn’t want to be a mom again (not that she ever was! I was raising may….) So we moved into the main house with my grandparents while my mother bought a small RV and decided to shove all seven cats inside! She lived in the backyard yet she never came in to see us. And got pussed if we didn’t see her? (MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!)

Surprise surprise, she got another boyfriend and she left! She left all seven cats in the RV for mouths…. (HAHA POP QUIZE WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE for the cats!? ME BITCH ME!)

And around this time, not only was I depressed still from the divorce my hedgehog passed away I was at rock bottom a 11 year old 6 grade trying to kill herself… yep good times… strangling yourself popping pills like candy? My grandparents weren’t any better. Well my grandma wasn’t my papa was there. I love him.. and I’ll stand by that. Great man with a shit daughter and wife. My grandma believed children didn’t need privacy God forbid I lock the door! God forbid I ask for curtains around my bunkbed because the door couldn’t be shut!

My mother took all seven cats and put them in her new boyfriend’s basement. The relationship didn’t last long. She got a job and cheated on him with…..

(imma stop there for now this is me trying to shorten it up the next part will be in detail because I remember it the best. Please comment tell me what you think anyone got something similar?…. In the next part, I will tell you about my stepdad. Me taking the sexual assault for my sister. The fights and hopefully I’ll be able to tell you all about court and MY victim impactment statements… I win bitch you’ll never silence my voice again!))

[nottobeadickoranything]

Crime in USA in 2024 is literally 50% less than in 1991, its currently closer to the 1950s level than 1991, that 1950s mark being what Republicans used as their "ideal" and fearmongered everyone into agreeing with them using FOX news relentlessly since 1998.

So what in the fuck are we even doing here? The right wingers won and won so hard that they do not know what to do, so now we see both late stage capitalism and its real world effects (war, famine, poverty when you're the richest country) circling the drain and near its end, in addition to reactionary fascists controlling all of government and business, and anything they do here as pure reactionaries just accelerates that end of capitalism.

They are lying out of their ass nonstop in the media on all sides and their undereducated-due-to-42-straight-years-of-defunding-education brainwashed audience makes a whole bunch of people unable to think critically, while somewhat infuriatingly, using that same phrase on anyone who doesn't agree with their ugly, basic-ass, lying-ass, entry-level fascist conclusions.

Its almost impossible to get the right wingers to not do team sports politics, they have like 900 levels of lies you first must bat away and then they will bad faith every word you say into a separate argument unto themselves, all in order to defend white supremacy. These, folks, are fascists. There is no way out other than through. We have to ignore any arguments they have, for every "Why cant I say the n word as a white guy?" we have to say "White people being able to say the n word for any reason under the guise of "USA freedom" is an idiotic argument only white supremacists use, stfu" and for every piece of transphobic hate speech said about bathrooms we have to reply "What if the moon was made of pudding? When you, as a USA citizen, start condemning your fellow USA citizens to death and start actively saying it everywhere, that is treason by the letter of the word. Interesting how bored you are that you are down to do treason! The left doesn't want USA right wingers dead, we want you to stop talking, because the lies you say are getting our fellow USA citizens killed, and as you obviously aren't as proud an American as I am, your values are closer to a European right wingers, perhaps you should move to Italy if you want to live like a racist imbecile?"

[dilesxpressions]

Justin Rakauskas

1. Name, Year, Major, and Hometown

Justin Rakauskas (Pompompurin’s Poopoo Pudding Pals), 2nd year Human Development major, Los Angeles 

2. What’s your roman empire?

My “roman empire” is lowkey food because I think about it all the time. From the moment I wake up in the morning to when I finish a meal, I am already thinking about what I want to eat next. 

3. What is the best compliment you have ever received?

The best compliment I have ever received is when people confuse me for a 3rd or 4th year because I look and act more mature than I really am. Even though I am still 18 as a 2nd year in college, some people in the frat thought I was already a 3rd or 4th year, which is crazy to me because I am probably one of the youngest actives. Being told I look and act more mature than my age makes me incredibly confident in who I am. 

4. If your life was a movie what genre would it be (comedy, horror, drama, etc.) and what actor would play you?

If my life was a movie, it would definitely be a drama because I love being involved in drama. I AM THE DRAMA >:) I love tea and will always be down to listen to people gossip hehe. I would probably play that problematic side character because I usually am never directly involved in drama, I just like to stir the pot and get a good laugh out of it. 

5. What is something on your college bucket list?

Something on my college bucket list is studying abroad with friends because I want to learn about a specific subject in another country with people I know. I do not want to be alone in that experience and I would be super excited to travel the world with my besties. 

6. What’s your guilty pleasure? (song, movie, food etc.)

My guilty pleasure is peanut butter. I love peanut butter so much and when it is mixed with chocolate, you will have me eating for ages. I literally eat out of the peanut butter jar because of how good it is. DEBATE: SMOOTH IS BETTER THAN CHUNKY! 

7. What are your bad habits?

My bad habits include procrastinating on all of my homework because I am lazy as fuck, I pick at my fingers and fingernails when I am nervous, I interrupt people sometimes because I am having too good of a conversation with them, and I can be stubborn at times because I do not want things to not go my way. 

8. What are your favorite song lyrics?

Currently, my favorite song lyrics are “bitch I said what I said, I’d rather be famous instead” from the song Paint the Town Read by Doja Cat. That song, specifically those lyrics, have been stuck in my head for about 2 months now and I do not know how to get them out. So, I have just learned to deal with it and now sing the song 24/7. 

9. Defend your unpopular opinion/ hot take

My unpopular opinion/hot hate is I do not like leftovers because they do not taste as good once they have been put in the fridge. I like it when the food I eat at restaurants is fresh, and the moment they are put in the box, I just do not like it anymore for some reason. The only acceptable leftover I will eat is cold pizza in the fridge because it lowkey slaps. 

10. Describe a time where you had to step up and be a leader?

A time where I had to step up to be a leader was when I was on the varsity cross country team in high school. In high school, all of my senior friends graduated and moved on to go to college. That meant that it was my time to step up as one of the senior cross country and track runners. My responsibilities included showing the new freshmen runners the correct form on how to run, the correct breathing techniques and strategies, how and when to warm up and stretch, and how to be respectful to their fellow teammates and competition. I really enjoyed being one of the leading members of my team because it tested my knowledge and capability of being an experienced runner myself and how I could act around the new members who relied on my expertise. I also really enjoyed being a leader with my friends who were also varsity seniors because we all were able to collaborate together and show the new kids the ropes. It furthered my understanding of the sport and taught me collaboration, teamwork, dedication, and friendship. I remember having to teach one of the youngest members on the team to keep his own pace and not compete with the better runners when starting on the team. He would always try to keep up with us, but when I told him to manage his own pace and challenge himself by not competing with the more experienced runners, he learned to maintain his breathing and energy throughout the rest of the practice. I was really proud because he took my advice and became a really good runner in the long run.

[bisolationist]

It's true that it's usually not women. But usually is not always. 1 in 10 - if it is only that - is still *millions*. It's still comparable to quite a lot of other social issues in raw numbers.

This isn't some sort of fucking "pudding world" scenario. How fucking disrespectful can you get? Why are you eager to portray the female rapists you defend as both mythically rare, infinitely harmless, and morally not worth ever worth caring about? HmMMM

This is fucking reality for a lot of us. Not some hypothetical future, not some insane "pudding world" scenario that never ever happens and never could. This actually happened to us, we are Actually here to witness your super funny rape jokes and assertions that female rapists arent worth the effort of caring about. There's likely female rapists too, being emboldened by your responses. I'm sure you're glad they feel the #solidarity.

You feel comfortable making rapist-defending jokes when talking to their victims because you are a rape apologist lol, like at least on some level. You feel the need to minimize and insult the entire subject for the same.

But you not giving a shit doesn't change reality. It doesn't make it a whacky "what if the world was made of pudding" hypothetical. Fuck off.

Women can literally be predators too 💀

What is this response to? My very insensitive "god forbid women do anything" joke?

Yes, we can. But most of the time it's not us. Because male privelege gives more freedom to predators and male gender as a social construct glorifies predatory behaviour.

Somewhere in not-so-distant future female predators may become as much of a problem, but they aren't now, so stop with this pudding world thing

[scwheeler]

🩰 ˖ ࣪⊹ — the answer

pairing: mike wheeler x fem!reader

summary: mike informs you that he has a crush on a new girl but he doesn’t tell you who, he thought you would figure it out sooner or later 👀👀

warnings: open ending??

age of pairing: 15-16

“MIKE WHO IS IT?!” you shouted after the dark haired boy, running down the hall to his next class. leaving you quite frustrated after just hearing the news, ‘i really like someone.’ he bolted the next minute after muttering those words, instantly making you intrigued into his story before he ran away. holding your pencil case and backpack strap, you looked down at your dirty ass sneakers.

he likes someone?

of course you wanted to know because mike was your bestfriend so whenever something big like this happened, you were the first to be told. same thing when something happened for you. but mike hadn’t told you anything about his tiny teeny love life since like the fifth grade when he had a major crush on shelby jones.

you had to comfort him for almost a month when she got a boyfriend. but besides her and a few other girls back in grade school, mike had been quiet about his crushes or who he liked. maybe a few actresses or girls at the mall but nobody he actually knew and truly liked.

which was why you were curious when mike told you he liked someone a few minutes ago. you wanted to know because as his best friend you had a duty to get him and that girl together but also because you wanted it to be you. but you knew it wasn’t, that was improbable. ridiculous.

“y/n over here!” will called out from your usual cafeteria area. you joined the rest of your friends already intrigued in a conversation of sneaking into the theater this friday for the showing of back to the future II. you sat next to mike and dustin, leaning towards mike you whispered, “so are you ever going to tell me who mystery girl is?”

he retracted himself from the group conversation and turned to you, “shhhh! the guys don’t know, i’ll tell you later.” you raised an eyebrow, “promise?” putting your pinky in front of his face. he rolled his eyes and reluctantly did the same. interlocking the sacred pinky promise and finishing it by each of you kissing your thumbs. “it’s locked in now,” you smiled and returned to the conversation.

“but what if we get caught?” will spoke and drank from his milk carton. “then we’re fucked,” you answered where everyone turned to you. “what! im just speaking the truth!” you shrugged your shoulders and shove off their looks of accusation. “as much as i don’t want to, i have to agree with y/n. my moms gonna kill me and not let me play in next weeks game!” lucas agreed.

“right right i forget your a huge basketball player, benchwarmer,” mike remarked. “at least i’m on the team!” lucas defended himself. “ok ok fight later shitheads, back to the plan. if steve drives us there then no one in town will see our bikes and call our parents, right?” dustin suggested.

“you’re still friends with that dickhead?” you asked and opened your pudding cup. “he’s not a dickhead-!” dustin instantly fired back. you rolled your eyes, “sorry sorry, i meant douchebag.” dustin ignored your nasty remarks, “hey you’re not gonna be calling him a douchebag when he’s the one saving your ass from getting grounded like last time.” you took a spoonful of pudding, “yeah yeah fine he’s not a douchebag.”

“thank you,” dustin said proudly. “but won’t our parents notice we’re gone at like eleven p.m?” mike questioned and stole your spoonful of pudding and ate it. you gasped, “mike!” he just smiled in your face and returned your spoon.

“hopper would definitely kill me, he barely even lets me go out in general,” el insisted and handed you her pudding cup. “thank you el,” you said and waved your new pudding cup in front of mike. “that’s why we’ll just lie that we’re sleeping over at someone’s house!” dustin explained. “but who’s house?” max asked and took a bite of her apple.

“not mine,” dustin immediately said and looked at everyone else. “no one’s going to believe hopper let me have a sleepover with all of you guys,” el said and everyone nodded their heads.

“mine are out of town and i’m staying over at wills so can’t be mine,” mike said and out his hands up in defeat. “yeah not mine,” will followed. “my parents hasn’t let anyone sleep over since like sixth grade!” lucas explained, taking himself out of the situation.

“not me,” max quickly uttered and everyone turned to you. “wha—no no,” you declined and ate your pudding cup. “oh come on y/n, you’re the only one and it’s not like we’re actually staying over.” dustin pleaded. “plus you’re the most believable like we’ve actually all slept over at your house before!” mike brought up.

you sighed and took your final spoonful of pudding, “okay fine.” the table instantly cheered and started high-fiving. earning a few extra stares from around the cafeteria.

by the time the night came around, mike still hadn’t told you about his crush. he gave you daily clues like you were in a scavenger hunt but never actually told you. you guessed almost a hundred times with him responding with a mocking ‘nope.’ you named almost every girl in hawkins besides the moms—could it be one of the moms?!?!? nah, unless… 🤨

you were the last one to get picked up, a knock on your window made you grab your backpack and get ready. it was mike at the window, something he used to do on a daily. he would climb to your room and knock on your window to talk about the usual stuff or play games when bored.

“you ready?” he asked and you opened the window. “yup,” you responded and he helped you get out of your bedroom window and hop down to the front lawn. “let’s go let’s go!” steve yelled from the drivers seat of his car. you saw all your friends in their seats and you rushed over with mike to his car. even though it was squished, you all surprisingly fit. you were sitting next to max and mike, your entire body almost conjoined with mike at this point. “so you weren’t kidding henderson,” you said and looked over to steve harrington in the drivers seat.

“i’m not a liar y/n,” dustin remarked and proudly patted steve on the shoulder. he pulled up to the theater and turned around, “i’ll be back at 12:30 sharp. if any of you are late i’m leaving you, you hear me? 12:30 sharp.” everyone nodded and got out of the car, full of excitement and a little bit of anxiety in getting in trouble by our parents.

there were dozens of repeated, “thanks steve!”’s as you guys got out of the car and ran into the theater. “12:30 sharp!” he yelled after us and watched us running inside the theater. you walked beside mike and entered the dark room. the movie hadn’t started yet as you guys filled the seats in row f. “thank god we made it just in time!” mike said and sat down.

“yeah who knew steve would be the time of guy to drive at the rate of a grandma!” lucas laughed and earned a hit to the shoulder by max. “hey you guys should be grateful i got us a ride,” dustin said and looked from side to side. “yes yes thank you dustin,” you, max, will, and el said.

snacks were passed around and sound of rustling chips and candy was the only thing heard in the entire theater. there was a light on the screen and the movie began. “rachel martin,” you whispered to mike on your right. he laughed, “are we still doing this?” you nodded with your eyebrows raised, “of course! you still haven’t told me the answer!”

“shhhhhh—!” dustin whispered from the left to you. you elbow nudged dustin and turned back to mike for an answer. “so?” you asked. “no, no it’s not rachel martin,” mike answered but kept his eyes on the screen in front of you guys.

you sighed and leaned back, grabbing a handful of popcorn to dwell your sorrows with. “mike i’m starting to think this girl doesn’t exsist!” you whisper shouted and looked back at the screen. he turned to face you, rather your side-profile and whispered something so quiet you missed it as your eyes were glued on the title card that flashed on the screen, “oh she exists all right.”

he smiled at the answer, you.

[ihatebnha]

uh i know you are not too well rn with like answering asks and shit AND THAT IS TOTALLY FINE NO WORRIES feel free to ignore this but fuck did i have a shit week and i am currently drunk and everything just sucks balls and i was wondering if you could give the poor (aka me) some shoto headcanons you have? can be the RANDOMEST shit i just wanna laugh at my serotonin boi or feel something that isnt wanting to d word (!not seriously! i am just dramatic) okay thanksBUT FEEL FREE TO IGNORE IF YOU WANT

"not too well" LMFAOOOO BESTIE treating me like the sick victorian child i am, IT'S TRUE!!!

you are absolutely the sweetest tho, so incredible, and i'm so sorry to hear you've had a hard week! headcanons are somewhat easy for me so OFC i can think about this with you! i really hope u feel better (and not t o o hungover) soon tho, keep me updated!🥺🥺🥺

hope these are okay! i love u <3

(warning: gender neutral i think... mostly fluffy things like shopping and talking on the phone anddddddd him being on ur side during fights)

-

LMFAOOO I guess to dive right in, one of my fave personal Todoroki headcanons is that he LOVES being on the phone with you

Whether you're actually speaking to him about something important or just breathing into the receiver, he's paying attention

Which is funny because even when you're not talking to him... if you don't put the phone on speaker, he's getting real close to you just so he can hear what's being said...

Also does the: *mouths* "who is that?" or asks the literal second you hang up when you're talking to someone else...

(Your friends are like" "y/n... is that Todoroki in the background?"

At the same time, though, he can't use facetime for the life of him. He really does try, but it just goes super terribly because he literally isn't able to sit or hold the phone still and talk at the same time

Though it's more: "why would we video call when I could just come over?" except he literally means it...

(So stick to voice calls unless he's away on missions LOL)

And while I definitely think Todoroki is soft (and especially with you), we can't forget he's also super... headstrong, too

He's the boyfriend who does not shy away from (politely) sending back a wrong order or asking for extra napkins or something

And even more so, defending you when you need it

(I talked about Bakugo doing this too, but) Any fight you need to fight becomes his fight, too

Whether it's against your family or your boss or WHOEVER, he's stepping up to bat LOL it's honestly insane

"Actually, I think y/n said..." or, "you're being really unreasonable about _. I think _..." and it ends up being really forceful and cold... that type of stuff

(BRUH AND if it's over phone/text, he'll try to take the phone away from you so his input can be heard)

And maybe this is just some kind of trauma response for him, but I think he will literally only watch kids movies. Literally. Absolutely refuses to watch anything other than like, the latest D*sney movie

"They're actually very entertaining" like ???

Also, you know that one meme "It's a banana, how much could it cost? $13?" THAT'S HIM!!!

You honestly can't go shopping with him because if you even breathe in the direction of something, EVEN IF YOU DON'T NEED IT, he's trying to buy it

Whether you're at the grocery store or the Gucci outlet... "OMG, look at that—" *putting it in the cart*

And getting him to put anything back is almost i m p o s s i b l e (even if the reasoning is logical, like you can't eat 7 expensive pudding cups before they expire)

So, love language as gift giving, most definitely

Also LMFAO, literally horrible at giving fashion advice

Refuses to say you look bad in anything even when you obviously look bad... because "even if it's unflattering, I don't mind what you look like. If you like it, wear it..."

Bruh.

ACTUALLY THOUGH it's the same with cooking. You could make a recipe entirely wrong and he just would not notice OR admit it

It's funny, too... because even if you didn't cook it or he doesn't like whatever it is, he absolutely wants a bite of whatever you're eating

"But... you don't even like hot fries?" + "So?"

(Cal also had that amazing toxic trait for him about how he's always just... eating your food LMFAOOO and I 100% agree)

And oh my god, this man is like a fucking... gnome??? I don't know, but he literally saves everything you give him. EVERYTHING.

He definitely has a special spot for all the trinkets/notes/gifts you've ever gotten him... and you probably find a 3-year-old dried out flower or something from a card you gave him in his desk at some point

(And when you go to toss it, he's like, "give that back. I was saving it" LOOOL)

I also think... whatever books he sees you reading, he tries to read, too

And he gets weirdly invested in activities you can do as a couple... even though he's also kinda competitive about some of them

You knit, he knits (and looks over at your piece ever two seconds)... you take yoga, he takes yoga...

And God forbid you do something by yourself, because he's AT LEAST going with you to watch you do it (and cheer you along, too)

Soccer dad vibes except its just for you LOL

AND FINALLY... I literally spent all of dinner secretly laughing about the fact he absolutely sleeps in EITHER: a matching silk pajama set, or like a traditional grandpa: in a webbed tank top + trunks.

So fucking funny to see him getting water in the middle of the night like this:

Honestly... he probably even sits like an old man, too:

[thirillia]

Like I did with my Stardust Crusaders rewatch, here are some Diamond is Unbreakable quotes I can’t believe are real and some moments that generally made me chuckle in my English dub rewatch.

(I might understand some words wrong. I don’t have closed captions for the English dub specifically.)

• “I was nervously walking myself to class when-“ *bumps into Jotaro’s crotch* “A GIHant [giant]”

• ahh yes Jotaro the “marine explorer”

• “Turtles give me the willies...”

• “If YOU don’t hurry it up isweartogod I’ll cut off that FUGLY COWlick.”

• “NHEEE HOLY SHIT! ....Ohh it’s just that turtle again.”

• “I’m technically your nephew. Bizarre huh?” “Nephew heh? Pleasure.” The Joestar deadpan.

• “He’s kinda scary.” “Yeah... but in a hot way.”

• “Getting the police involved won’t help. Just haul ass.”

• “Put some pep in you step!”

• “What did you say WATER BOY?!”

• “In fact I’ve never been calmer in my life.” “Yeah. Sure.” *Looks at a cabinet straight out of a Dali painting*

• “The humidifier!” *drop kicks it*

• “He managed to piss me off. So I thought it was only fair to repay the dickwad by turning him into a great work of art.” “Good grief kid.”

• “Has this rock always been here?” “Yes but its been given a... facelift.”

• “Don’t you know how to be polite?” “I know I’ll smash your face in if you don’t shut your goddamn mouth.”

• “I guess I better draw out this nap with some gentle asphyxiation.”

Oh the localised stand names… I still can’t with Worse Company

• “Luckily, we’ve got WINDows!”

• *looking at the Stand egg* “Are you saying I MADE this thing?” Koichi did you lay this egg?

• “Word to the wise Sergeant BRO.”

• “You’ll have no means of defending yourself. Giving me the chance to blow your brains AND HAIR into OBLIVION!!”

• “Yuuuuuck I wasn’t trying to sever it!”

• “Would you PLEASE shut your HOLE?!”

• “Why is this guy in my house? And why is he massagingmymomsSHOULDERS?!”

• “Who do you think you’re talking to, you sawed off little dickhead!?”

• “I’m not scared of that knife OR your tiny balls!”

• “You did torture that twatwaffle before he told you this right?”

• Okuyasu, crying: “I have a chiselled face too don’t I? :’((” (tell him he has a chiselled face Josuke)

• “Leeets pretend we didn’t see any of that.”

• “IIIIRGH I guess you’re right.” “Well of course I’m right.”

• “OPEN UP THAT MOUTH. Because here... comes the knowledge.”

• “The sensation of the word ‘Fwoosh!’ Literally sent her flying!”

• “I’m gonna yank off your pissfull prick, rip out your insides and feed ‘em to you as you choke on my MERCILESS LOVE!”

• “Quick! Get out of here!” “Save me Josuke!” “Its every man for himself!”

• “Well I’ll be a seagulls beak!”

• “Okay, let’s see now.... You had diarrhoea yesterday.”

• “AmAzing! It’s overflowing with sophisticATION!”

• “Woooow! Looks scrum-diddle-dy-dumptious!”

• “‘Scuse me, but what’s Mozzaza?”

• “Heeey, old buddy, old pal! You think you can share some of that with your bestie?” *voice drops like two octaves* “Not on your life!”

• *Josuke upon Okuyasu not sharing his food with him* “DICK! I knew you were a stingy son of a bitch, but this takes it to a new level!” (That’s best friend energy right there)

• Tonio and Josuke’s stare down

• *hardcore guitar solo playing while Okuyasu fucking DEVOURS that pasta* “MMMM TAAASTYYY”

• “For the LOVE of GOD, drop the meat!”

• “What?? My guts fell out!”

• “Dessert is... pudding? Ha. I’m too manly for this stuff!” ??????

• “I’m guessing it’s about Chili Pepper.” “WhAT?!” (I’m so glad they could keep this name halfway)

• “I’m itching to scrape you away, you glow-in-the-dark shithead!”

• “Now EAT shit and die your glorified nightlight!”

• “He was murdered in cold blood and you’re rambling about how strong the enemy was?!” “...Oh yeah you’re right. We should check up on Okuyasu.”

• “He’s [Jotaro] the last person is want finding me. He’d just kill my vibe.”

• “This is like a game of WHACKable on STEroids!”

• “OH YEAH, right in the KISSER!”

• “I’m reBORN as a KILLING maCHINE!”

• “I’m a Stand user.” “Huh?” “A Stand user.” “Huh?” “I SAID I’m a Stand User!” “You’re a second hand computer?” “I’MASTANDUSER!”

• “But you haven’t seen our nipples!”

• “Mr. Joestar, drop the baby!” (That’s Kakyoin’s spirit calling from beyond.)

• “Why are you here.... somekindofPRANK?”Rohan sounds like a gremlin I’m LOSING MY MIND

• “Now it’s time for a taste~” *starts licking a spider*

• “Your vomiting reflex is so raw. I simply must SKETCH IT!”

• “Hate to break it to ya, but your aim is shit!”

• “You better not try anything funny, or I’ll crush you with my Stand, you doodlin’ dipshit!”

• “I win~” *gets punched in the face*

• “Get out here you punk bitch!”

• “GAH! Careful! ROHAN IS HOLDING A PEN!

• *the funniest high pitch scream I’ve heard in a while, curtesy of Rohan*

• “Josuke. I’m going on a hunting trip. And you’re coming too.” This gives me ‘dad’s on a hunting trip’ vibes

• “Those are dead rats!” “Yeah NO SHIT!”

Most of the Rat hunting shenanigans that made me laugh rely on visual aid and are hard to transcribe into text so I don’t have that much of those

• “HOLY SHIT I FOUND IT!”

• “Wha-“ *drops shoes into water*, *starts crying*

• “It [Heaven’s Door] still doesn’t work on haters like Josuke, who wouldn’t know art if it kicked him in the groin.”

• “Did she say A MURDER?!” “Yes she did.”

• “Look at this! You’re dripping!”

• I’m sorry but the shot where Kira is holding the severed arm, who is holding a handbag is one of the funniest stills in the entire series

• “YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET SLAUGHTERED YOU HEAR MEEEEEE?!”

• “Too far too far TOO FAR TOO FAR TOO FAR!”

• “I’m rich, so it’s on me.”

• “YEEEEEAAHHAGHAHAA! MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEEEEEY!!”

• “We got a problem Josuke!” “What is it?” “Hrmm! Something weird’s happening in my pants! Ohhhhrrrrnmmn!”

• “This backstabber is about to learn the hard way what happens to thieving punks who cross the JosuYasu duo!” (Is that- did he- is that- did they do that in the original too and I didn’t notice?)

• “Why don’t you make Harvest attack us again, porcuPRICK?”

• “The tables will turn in your favour~ MY ASS THEY WILL! I’LL BUTCHER THAT BULLSHITTING BEAUTICIAN!”

• “Those two playin’ tongue-hockey?”

• “The end is close at hand... close in hand hehe.”

• “I’m gonna destroy this alarm clock from hell.” (I want to know who writes the script and comes up with these comparisons.)

• “That was not the sensation of human flesh EXPLODING!”

• “For the life of me I can’t figure out why I’m just standing here like a whimsy little bitch baby with a bad case of the SHITS!”

• *Rips the shirt off a waiter* “Good heavens sir! Was it something I said?”

• “Oh put a sock in it! Better yet, why not take the whole foot?”

• “Put your damn socks on right!”

• Jotaro: *smiles* *does the flop*

• “Hello everyone, is it time to head home already?” *panicked screams*

• “WOAH! This is all the info he collected about his toenails!”

• “Why don’t you give our friend a nice send-off? And make sure you add a little bit of style to it.” “Huh? Uh... IT LOOKS LIKE YOU WEREN’T SO BIG AND BAD AFTER ALL, FOOL!”

• Not dialogue but that sequence when Jotaro tapes Kira’s dad shut

• *putting tacks on Atom Heart Father* “I KNOW it’s a little tacky. KNA KNA KNAAA!”

• “Even as a little boy, you couldn’t suppress your urges to kill women.... But if that’s what makes you happy I’ll support and protect you.”

• “All that hair gel must be seepin’ into your noggin!”

• “Perfect. A self absorbed jerk-off, a moron and a bitch, three people I have absolutely nothing in common with.”

• Josuke & Oku: “You call this mature?” Rohan: *laughing maniacally*

• Rohan just sucker punching a kid with the ‘Rock’ gesture in a rock, paper, scissors game

• unnecessarily epic rock, paper, scissors match. THEY ARE LEVITATING

• “Surrender. The. Baby.”

• “Roshamboy, real name: Ken Oyanagi. Stand: Boyz Men Men, knocked out of commission.”

• “As my nails grow, so do my carnal desires.”

• “Hey Josuke! Check out those big ass holes!”

• *eating a box of tissues with a straight face* “Many thanks. That was quite palatable”

• “Well? Would you like the cream?”

• “Are the ice of creams unsatisfactory?”

• “An alien. An alien, yes! I should have informed you when we met! I am indeed an alien.” “You’re a loony motherf-“

• “Maybe I should knock that nose-ringed psycho back to the mothership.”

• “So how do the dice function? Explain.”

• “I’m such a bad boy.”

• “Shitbiscuits!”

• “Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit!”

• “You can’t just heal people without permission!”

• “Could you like??? Shut up?? Geez!”

• “I brainwashed her. Isn’t that great?”

• “Now let me add this, dickwad, his ass is grass!”

• “I’m gonna pummel his soul-sucking ass!”

• “If those freaky ass phalanges catch up to me, I can kiss my body’s nutrients goodbye!”

• “That foot-fetish dick could be anywhere!”

• “You’ve gotta be SHITTING me!”

• Josuke steals a phone and it breaks but he doesn’t fix it with crazy diamond and instead steals ANOTHER PHONE from ANOTHER PERSON who is also on an important call???

• “Okay master, let’s kill da hoe! Beeeeeetch!” (THEY ACTUALLY DID IT. THEY KEPT THIS IN THE ENGLISH DUB)

• “That full body odour you’re whiffing is curtesy of yours truly, you dick!”

• “How do you function?”

• “On a different note, Koichi Hirose decided to go on a walk with his dog.”

• *Radio anchor voice* “‘What is this place?’, he thought to himself. ‘Why am I here? Meow meow.’”

• “Did you realise you left without giving me a goodbye kiss?” “No.”

• “Stop hogging the alien!”

• “After I put this BRO-hole back in his douche-cage”

• “All of your skirts reek of ass-sweat” sentences I’d never thought I’d have to write

• “This is a new level of timey-wimey-bullshit!” (Doctor Who reference anyone?)

• “Piggyback please ~”

• “ITS A SHREDDER!!!”

• “That means I’ll have to pleasure to watch Rohan explode and still make it to work on time.”

• “Don’t worry. I can heal, if need be”

• “I can’t tell what happened, but Kira hacking up blood and flying through the air gets a Hell Yeah from me!”

AND FINALLY

• I’m calling the police on whoever wrote the boner line

[mordigen]

Unpopular opinion: Christians are not witches

I said it. Fight me.

There has been a trend that has been growing ever more problematic recently: overbearing, hyper-zealous, hyper-vigilant "acceptance" This means the pagan community is an absolute free-for all, and you are not allowed to so much as even feign the possibility that you do not agree with absolutely 100% of everything, lest you be named a gatekeeping, ignorant bigot.

Whether you like it or not - there ARE paths out there that have specific rules...regulations...stipulations...tenets - whatever the hell you want to call or classify them. End. Period. There's no other colour that comes in - that's it. Sorry for you, but they DO exist. In fact, there are many of them.

If you do not follow those rules, tenets, etc..., then you are not of that path. Point. Blank. And there is nothing wrong with that - it simply means that you are of some other path. That's it! That's all that means! It may be *nearly* identical to the path in question - but it is not, hence the 'nearly'.

If you happen to be a part of one of these paths, there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying so. If someone claims to be a part of one of these paths, but are absolutely, blatantly not - there is nothing wrong with saying that, and explaining why that is. Some people just honestly don't know there is a difference, or that these certain prerequisites are indeed a definitive factor - so they learn something, they broaden their horizons. Everyone seems to be all about educating themselves about being sensitive to other cultures and customs - except the pagan community, apparently, because this mentality does not translate across that pagan/witch line. Instead of taking it as a learning experience, you are immediately pounced on with notions of 'there are no rules!' 'you can't tell someone what to do on their own path!' Or, simply, the name calling. Well yes, while all of that is true - it still remains that how ever you want to practice or whatever you personally decide to do, may just simply not be what you are claiming, or calling it. It may just be semantics - but semantics matter when dealing with nuance. And paganism is extremely nuanced.

You can call a tomato an orange all you want to - but that thing will never be an orange, no matter how much you believe in it. And people are not wrong for informing you that you may have the wrong name, that is in fact, a tomato. If you go on deciding to call it an orange, you can do that - but that is willful ignorance. So, in your fight to be unapologetically accepting of every ridiculous notion, you are perpetuating willful ignorance - whilst being directly in opposition of your goal and being, *GASP*, unaccepting to those who follow a path where distinction and definition matters. You are completely invalidating those people's paths and beliefs while trying to defend another's (another who may, in fact, actually be wrong) and actively using their path & beliefs as the very reason to berate and ostracize them. Pretty fantastically hypocritical of you. Now...on to the second problem. I do not, at all, in any form, believe in "ritual magick" - as perpetuated by Aleister Crowley hardons. And no, that is not a knock on Crowley, just the idiot followers that don't understand half of what he taught and latch onto the superficial.

When you look at the origins and make up of magical beliefs, and magic itself as a separate entity - no matter which particular branch - they were all created by religion. They all have roots in highly spiritual cultures and customs. So, I absolutely do not believe for one second that you can believe in magic without SOME form of religion - whatever one you adhere to is your choice, but you cannot have the first without the latter. You cannot. Even if you claim that you have no religion, or spiritual faith, your practices absolutely do. You are calling on elements and agencies that absolutely have divine ties and connections one way or another. Oh, how many atheists I see calling on the seals of Arch Angels.... are you fucking shittin me? Really?? So let's bring it all together now - with the fact that many faiths DO have prerequisites, AND the fact that magic is religious/spiritual -- Christians are not, and cannot be witches or pagans. They are mutually exclusive. Not only because so many various paths have such prerequisites, and very define religious/spiritual beliefs that are contradictory to others - but simply because Christianity DOES, very much, have very clear and stringently defined Do's & Don'ts, and obviously the religious aspect itself clashes with the religious beliefs of others. Their religious beliefs clash with people who believe in their same god - so how could they not with those who believe in other gods?? Considering this, no other path would even need such stipulations themselves for them to be mutually exclusive, as Christianity already covers that issue so completely, but the fact that so many pagan paths do only exacerbates an already existing problem. That being said - that does not mean you cannot believe in the Christian 'god', by whatever name you know him by - or that you cannot believe in Jesus, and also be a witch or pagan. In fact the latter has an even bigger argument for believing in both, as paganism, generically, in itself is polytheistic, so it is very fitting to simply have the Christian god and Jesus amongst the many deities being worshipped. But those two things alone is not what makes Christianity. A good start, yes, but that is not all it takes - in fact, there are many that are shunned, excommunicated, banned, condemned and moreso whilst having those very two qualifying factors. You can find this in *every single* sect of Christianity, so...the proof is in the pudding, as they say, that it is much more than simply believing in 'God' and Jesus that makes a 'Christian'. And if you take that to heart and follow all those rules - you cannot be a witch or pagan, many times over, as you would be in direct opposition, or violation, of a number of their teachings - both on the aspect of simple 'rules', but also on a much deeper spiritual level of the entire foundation of their faith. Cannot serve two masters, and all that... If you do not follow those rules, then sure, you could be a witch or a pagan - but then you cannot be a Christian. That is just the facts.

Many people like to argue the use of magic and mysticism in the bible - but the issue is what parts of the bible they are found, and all the amendments of the further books. Again, what really carves out being a Christian vs. any of the other sects of Abrahamic beliefs. As, news flash - there is far more than just Christianity. And some of them, do, in fact, do hand in hand with magic. The Kabbalah is an astounding example of that - and, in fact, where a lot of the so called *ahem* 'non'-religious 'ritual magick' comes from. In this same vein, I would like to note that I have never had any issue or seen conflict with the Hebrew or Jewish take on shamans, mystics and witches, as they really do go hand in hand - They have their own very in depth, detailed, spiritual and sentimental form of mysticism that was a natural progression from pre-Abrahamic religions and culture, and grew into their teachings and belief system, so it does not go against their core beliefs the same way it very stringently does in Christian theology. Considering their ethnical histories and cultural heritage - this is a brilliant example of the natural evolution and progression of faiths - not simply ripped from the hands of the brutally oppressed and rewritten as a mockery to wipe out the preexisting notion of faiths -- as the Church has a history of doing. The Book of Enoch is another shining example of Biblical magic, or Angelic magic. But, this also also turns my point into a self fulfilling prophecy, as in the fact that it is accepted amongst all denominations as heresy, and it is taught that these magics - though they do, in fact, exist, were for the angels and completely forbidden from mankind. So, thusly, if you are a follower of Enoch, you are not a 'Christian', by name and membership, as you are outright going against it's teachings. You are a heretic, a blasphemer. Perhaps you may be one of the many other forms of the Christian god's followers - but not a Christian, as being Christian denotes a very specific set of beliefs and tenets - end of story. Magic, and paganism, is in direct conflict with those teachings, and therefore, cannot coexist.

On top of the logic - there is also the emotional issue. Christianity has a long history of abuse towards various pagan, tribal and indigenous faiths, while stealing our beliefs as their own, and demonizing those they couldn't successfully acclimate into theirs. To now be expected to be OK with this faith, yet again, latching on to *our* sacred rites and practices as being a part of their own is a hard pill to swallow at best, a slap in the face to most, and flat out perpetuating trauma at worst. Once upon a time, people sought out these very same communities and groups within their pagan circles as an escape, a safe space, and a shield and guardian against the Christian onslaught, torment, oppression, or just exhaustion - and now, we must not only tolerate them invading our private spaces, but must now welcome them with open arms and expected to be happy about it? Forgive me if I don't sympathize....

If we are going to now be forced into being shoulder to shoulder with them, the very least you can offer us is neutrality. You can be accepting of all and still be neutral grounds - not taking any one side anywhere, all you have to do is be respectful to each other. Disagreement is not disrespectful. Could someone who disagrees with a certain viewpoint *become* disrespectful? Sure, of course they could. But simply the act of disagreement is nothing hateful or hurtful in any way shape or form - in fact, good discourse is how progress is made. So we need to remain neutral grounds and normalize the acceptance of different viewpoints - we need to recognize and accept that, yes, there are paths out there that do have specific requirements, expectations and limits - there are paths that are going to disagree, or just flat out not believe in something. Instead of name calling, when someone of those paths decides to speak up and enlighten and elaborate on information that may be inaccurately described or depicted, you need to LISTEN and learn, and not just bludgeon them with presumptive judgement. You also need to accept that there are many, various different closed practices out there - beyond Native American & Voodoo practices (as those seem to be the only ones the pagan community recognizes) and if someone of those closed faiths tell you - no, you are not xy or z, that is also not being judgmental or hateful or hurtful - that simply is. ....a very important side note here is that acknowledging closed practices is also not a carte blanche for screaming about cultural appropriation. Please shut the fuck up about cultural appropriation. Not being of a specific faith is not equivalent to cultural appropriation - Telling someone "no, you're not xyz" is very different from telling someone "no, you can't practice xyz" (looking at you smudge-Nazis) You can enjoy, practice, learn or celebrate anything you want of any faith you want while not actually being apart of it - that's the beauty of sharing and learning. And I think that is where all the trouble boils down from:

Yes, you can do whatever you want and can create whatever path you want for yourself...just don't misrepresent it, don't call it something it is not, and don't deny those who are more educated & experienced in that particular department. We get enough of that from outsiders to start doing it to each other.

[salemwritesxx]

𝓽𝓼𝓾𝓫𝓪𝓼𝓪.

𝕋 𝕒 𝕜 𝕒 𝕞 𝕚  𝕂 𝕖 𝕚 𝕘 𝕠 | ℍ 𝕒 𝕨 𝕜 𝕤

     ⇴ male reader [25, Vigilantes, quirkless]      ⇴ all characters are depicted as [18]+

↳ request: Add on to the ask my bad! {Vigilante reader instead of hero-: When hawks found out he was expecting a baby he immediately kept it a secret from the reader and his friends. Since he doesn't want the hero commission/the public to catch wind of it cause it'll put both of their lives at risk also the public wouldn't be happy to know that their hero is in a relationship with someone who isn't a female- {{Angst!- The hero commission isn't supportive of hawks love life and unborn child_ if they found out about it, they'll probably blackmail the reader into doing their dirty work in exchange for hawks life.) But,, he soon tells the reader after being confronted about his change of behavior and appearance. About 3-4 months into the pregnancy. Time skip to where the kid is born- happy ending🤙🏾

↣ rating: general audiences ↣ warnings: mpreg, size / height difference, lil’ bit of angst with happy ending, discussion of abortion

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

“No… No, no, no. Fuck!”, he cursed quietly.

Staring in disbelief at the little plastic strip, he put it besides two others. All three of them were positive. There was no doubt. Hawks was… pregnant.

Falling back onto the closed toilet seat, he sighed deeply as tears welled up in his eyes. Keigo wasn’t one to cry easily, but right now everything broke apart. How would everyone react? How would the HPSC react? How would you react? Right now, it seemed like his past was catching up to him, what if everything turned out the same? What if history repeated itself? Would his unborn child have to endure so much as well? Wouldn’t it be better, if it was never born-

“Keigo?”, your voice made him snap out of his dark thoughts.

“[Your.name]?”, hastily wiping his tears and pushing the pregnancy tests into the trash, he tried his best to sound calm.

“So you’re here! I was worried, Kei! You ignored my calls.”, when he came out, you stood there leaning against the wall, a worried expression on your face.

“Ah, no. I was just busy, you know? HPSC needed me again today.”, Kei tried his best to lie and put on his best fake smile.

But you still found it suspicious.

“Are you okay, Baby?”, taking a step towards him, your big hand cupped his cheek and your thumb gently wiped over his red, swollen undereye.

Had he been crying? Keigo? That’s rare.

“I am fine, [Your.name], I am fine. What about you though?”, he kept smiling when he pushed away your hand and walked past you into the kitchen.

“I haven’t heard from you in a while, too, ya know?”

“Ah…”, was the only sound you made as you shyly scratched your neck.

“That’s true. I’m sorry if I worried you, Kei. It’s just… I had to hide for a few days. The police were especially pesky and I couldn’t risk being caught.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.”, he waved aside, “It’s not like I was worried. I know you can handle yourself just fine.”

This was the last thing you thought you would hear from him, leaving you confused and maybe a little… hurt? Sure, you chose to be a Vigilantes and go out at night to take care of some things your own, but to think your boyfriend wasn’t even worried about you while doing so? Maybe he really did despise what you did and he just never said so out loud. Until now, he had never commented on the illegal things you did, because ultimately, you never destroyed anything and just helped the less unfortunate people, but maybe…

After all, you worried about him constantly and he was a licensed pro-hero, still – many things could happen. Like that, you had a weird feeling that Hawks was not fine at all despite him claiming he was.

And while normally, your little reunion would have been much different, Kei just couldn’t think about anything at that point. All he was thinking about was the baby growing inside of him and what he should do about it…

-

As weeks went by, you noticed Hawks was changing. His excuse of being “bloated” was weird and got old quickly. Furthermore had your relationship taken a big hit. Few kisses and almost no touching. It almost seemed like he was uncomfortable constantly. You wondered what it all was about. Was it just over? Did your relationship just slip right through your fingers and you couldn’t do anything about it?

Usually, when you were both home, the apartment was filled with dumb laughter. It was so nice being around you, but all Keigo was in the past few weeks was anxious, quiet and easily agitated. His home was his safe place, it’s where he could forget everything and relax. Not think about his work, about the HPSC, but with your child growing consistently, it was harder and harder to relax. In just a few weeks, someone who had a keen eye could probably tell that he wasn’t “bloated” anymore. Instead, he didn’t know what to do anymore.

-

Then, one day, it must have been around the fourth month of his pregnancy, someone rang the doorbell in the middle of the night. First, Keigo wanted to ignore it, however, as they kept ringing, a thought popped into his head. He hadn’t seen you in about a week, which wasn’t unusual per se as you had to hide from time to time, but for you to not contact him at all was a little… odd. Were you in trouble? Did they find about your connection to him?

Hence, with his own feather in his hand, he was ready to defend himself as he made his way to the door. The rain was drumming against the windows mercilessly. Perfect distraction if someone wanted to raid him.

Though, when he swung open the door, ready to cut anyone and anything, it all came differently. A large body was leaning against the side of the door.

“[Your.name]!”, his golden eyes widened as your own [eye.color] ones looked quite lifeless.

Before Hawks could do anything, you couldn’t hold yourself upright anymore, thus falling through the opened door. Quickly reacting, he caught you, but being so much smaller than you, his feathers had to help lift you and get you inside his apartment. Only then, when he pulled his hands back did he realize what was on his hands and what he had thought to be water, was actually blood.

His heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. Rushing to your side, he literally ripped open your black coat and what was underneath, revealing a gaping wound on your side.

“Kei…”, you suddenly croaked, trying to reach out your hand, which he immediately grabbed and squeezed tightly.

“Don’t talk, [Your.name]! Everything will be alright, okay?!”, he visibly panicked.

He could hide his feelings very well. At least usually. But not this time. Maybe it was because he was hormonal due to the pregnancy, but just the thought of losing you made him cry. Hastily standing back up, he rushed into the bathroom to grab some towels and into the bedroom to get his phone.

“I… I didn’t know… where else to go… Kei…”, you coughed up a bit of blood, even though he had told you to not talk anymore.

“I know, I know. It’s okay, Baby.”, hugging you against his chest, all he could do was sob, “Everything will be alright, okay?!”

--

With a thumping heart, Hawks stood in front of the door for a few moments, before he knocked and entered eventually.

“Oh! Kei!”, you were just eating your pudding.

“[Your.name]!”, without holding back, he rushed towards your bed and jumped you.

However, hearing your painful whimper due to the ecstatic hug, he immediately pulled back with a small “I’m sorry.”

You, however, just shook your head and put the pudding and spoon away before gesturing him to come closer again.

“No, it’s okay, come here.”, you said with a soft smile as you pulled him in again.

Keigo just following your movement, scooching closer and in the end, hugging you again when you wrapped your own bandaged arms around him. You were so much more beat up than he initially thought…

“Thank you for saving me, Baby. I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“You did!”, sitting back up, his golden eyes were shimmering, “I was so worried about you.”

“Ehh? Didn’t you say you weren’t worried about me a few months ago?”, you just teased him, but Keigo was hormonal and highly stressed, so he reacted way too violently when tears welled up in his eyes.

“I know… But you know I like to talk big sometimes.”, he sniffled.

Quickly, you reached out to softly cup his face and wipe away the tears.

“I know. Hey… Kei. Tell me what’s going on, hm?”

“Huh?”, his golden eyes widened a bit as he stared at you.

“Baby… I know something’s going on. Things haven’t been normal lately and you act different, too. Tell me, if it’s something I did, I can change. I will do anything, but please be honest with me already… Last night, I thought, that’s it. I thought I’d die with things being so weird between us. It was horrible to think about it…”

Looking around for a moment, you were the only one in this room and even if it wasn’t the best location to finally say it out loud, Keigo just couldn’t continue to lie. He had wanted to get an abortion three times and canceled every time because he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Clearly, he wanted this baby. And he wanted you to know, it was just all so… complicated.

“Kei…”, you squeezed his hand one more time.

“Okay…”, sitting down on the bed properly, his other hand reached out as well, needing every bit of comfort and support he could get.

“I…”, biting his lip, he hesitated for a moment before looking up and straight into your eyes, “I am pregnant.”

Your eyes widened and for a second, you just stared at him in disbelief.

“Wait… you…? Really?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh my God… that explains a lot.”, you kind of laughed while shaking your head, but then you realized something.

“Wait… How long...?”

“17th week… Do you not understand, [Your.name]? I am pregnant.”

“Yes, I understand quite well and I think that’s amazing.”, you squeezed his hands again, a big smile on your lips.

“No, no! You don’t get it, [Your.name]!”, Hawks then suddenly stood up, “This is not amazing. Do you know what that means?”, he sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“Kei…”

“We are fucked, [Your.name]. Do you know what happens when the HPSC or the public finds out? Let alone who the father is? What if… What if our baby has to endure everything I had to endure? What if… I become like them? Or what if the HPSC finds out and takes them away from us?”, his voice broke a little at the end, just imagining it…

“Keigo, hey.”, you turned around and placed your feet onto the ground, sitting on the edge of the bed, hence why you could take his hands again and pull him closer.

“You will never become like them.”, you cupped his face, gently wiping the tears away from the corner of his eyes.

“And, Kei, you already made a decision, no? You want to keep the baby – our baby – right? It’s already the fourth month…”

“I do… But… I don’t know what I should do. I am not myself, [Your.name]. I keep crying over stupid things, I can't concentrate when I’m doing my work and I am always scared someone finds out.”, eventually, you pulled him onto your lap, though he was careful not to hurt your side.

“I know you’re scared, Baby. I am too, but we can do it. Together. I will be with you every step. I will protect you.”

“[Your.name]…”, wrapping his arms around you, he buried his face in the nook of your neck, his small frame shaking.

“It’s okay. I’m here, Kei. And I won’t go, ever. We will do it together. And I promise… I promise I will stop going out during the night.”, you whispered this promise into his ear, earning his small sniffles as he clung to you.

“Our baby doesn’t have to grow up in isolation because of my recklessness. I will become a good father. They will have a great life, okay, Kei? We can do it. Whatever the HPSC throws at us, we will deal with it, together. I promise they won’t grow up like you had to.”

The last thing surely broke him as Hawks barely whispered a “Mhm.” back. But at the same time he was smiling, so grateful he was finally able to let you know as the last few months were really straining.

---

“I wish you were never born! You are a nuisance! You keep me from being free!”

“Why did I not get an abortion? Why did I do this to myself? You good for nothing!”

“-go! -igo! Keigo!”, his golden eyes opened at last.

Breathing heavily and with beads of sweat running down his temple, Hawks stared at you for a moment. Still not really sure what just happened the realization sank in little by little. A dream.

“[Your.name]…”

“Hey, I’m here. It’s okay now.”, you whispered and gently kissed him, before hugging him tightly.

Melting into your arms instantly, he buried his face at your chest as one hand reached down to his growing belly. He would probably pop soon.

“It’s weird… I haven’t thought or dreamt about them in over ten years and now… ever since I found out I’m pregnant… I …”, he mumbled more than anything, glad you were there to hold him.

“I know.”, was the only thing you whispered back while gently caressing his back.

When the HPSC trained him, he forgot, or rather suppressed most of his abusive and traumatic childhood. Maybe it was because he worried so much about your little baby that it all came crashing down on him eventually. But he would never become like them.

“Oh-“, both of you felt a little kick, making you giggle.

“Seems like our little baby girl wants to cheer you up as well.”, you whispered and nuzzled his head with your own while your hand reached out to his belly as well, softly caressing it.

“Seems like it.”, Keigo finally smiled a little.

“We will protect her.”, he quietly said after stealing a soft kiss from you.

“We will. And hey, the public took it really well when we outed us. The HPSC can’t do shit to hurt us anymore.”

“Yeah, I know. Thank God.”, cupping your cheek, Kei pulled you down again, before whispering against your lips, “Thank you.”

“Mhmh, for what?”, you chuckled and kissed him again, making him also giggle.

“Just… for everything. I love you, [Your.name].”

Smiling softly at him, you pecked his lips again and whispered an, “I love you too.”

For a few moments, it was quiet as you just cuddled and tried to calm down the excited little girl who was kicking and punching Hawks.

“Say… how do you feel, though? You haven’t been out in-“, but another kiss stopped him from continuing.

“I am perfectly fine, Shortcake. It… was hard, but it was the right decision. You are more important than anything or anyone else, and now with our little nugget growing… what we have is just so much more important to me than vigilante justice.”

The smile that spread across his face was truly warming your heart. It was the right decision and you wouldn’t regret it. You knew how hard his childhood was and you didn’t want that for your baby girl. She should be able to proudly say who her parents were and for that reason, you couldn’t continue your former lifestyle.

After sharing a few more kisses, Hawks then asked for cuddles, which you happily agreed to. Hence letting him shift positions and turn around, careful not to hit you with his wings, he hugged his pregnancy pillow. And then, you slipped your own arms around him, hugging him carefully and littering small kisses onto his neck.

He was so small in your arms, but that’s what he had loved from day one on. Keigo felt protected and loved when he was in your arms.

--

Calling out for you, Keigo carried the groceries into the kitchen, just to bite his lip instantly when he saw you laying on the sofa. Your little baby girl sprawled out on top of your broad chest, sleeping. Once Hawks came a little closer, he realized you were sleeping as well, thus with a soft smile he just kneeled down in front of the sofa.

“What would I do without you, [Your.name]? You two are seriously the light of my life.”, he thought with a big smile on his lips.

To think he was so incredibly sad when he found out, he couldn’t be more happier now. Everything turned out alright after all, just like you said. Leaning in, Hawks gently kissed his baby girl’s forehead before standing up again, leaving you and Tsubasa alone – at least that was his intention.

However, a soft tug on his clothes made him stop. And a glance back made him smile and turn once more, following your movement and laying down beside you, softly tucked under your arm, just where he belonged.

There were no words needed as you softly kissed him before your head fell back into the pillow. Your arm securely holding him and Tsubasa and just like that, you were able to hold the whole world in your arms.

And it certainly wasn’t any different for Keigo.

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@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works

⇻ salem.talks: I think I repeat myself every time I write for him but… KEIGO IS SO TINY ovo probably cuz I absolutely adore the EndHawk ship and their size difference gives me life? so I cannot help but make it happen when I write x reader with kei. like I can just dream of being as tall and buff as endeavor lmao but yeah this was nice I love preggo hawks!