#ive been sick for the past 4 days so ive just been reading one piece like 30-50 chapters a day ... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

anogete · 4 years ago

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Watch me vomit up my thoughts

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’m sorry I’ve disappeared on everyone. It’s been... a year. I think that probably goes for everyone, not just me. If you’re interested in a personal life update, then read on. If you’re looking for an update on my writing then I regret to inform you that I haven’t written a single thing this year. Maybe next year, though. There is always next year, right? I think I saw a blurb that we’re getting Sam and Bucky back in March. And Loki shortly after. Maybe that will be my inspiration.

I’m fortunate enough to have a job that lets me comfortably work from home. I’m also fortunate enough to own a home. And my last blessing is that I don’t have kids, so I didn’t have to figure out the nightmare of childcare and home schooling like some of you. My library on the second floor of the house has been my office since mid-March. I’ve been transitioning into the Associate Financial Advisor roll this year and that has been going well. I’m supporting the clients I’ve worked with as an assistant for the past nine years, so it’s been easy-going. I’m able to order my groceries for pick up to avoid going in the stores and I live in an neighborhood where it is easy to get delivery from restaurants. I’m incredibly lucky to have all these things going for me and I am thankful every damn day.

I fell into a bit of a funk this spring and early summer, but managed to pull myself out of it in August. I started planning my meals, walking 2-5 miles every day, and exercising on the Peloton bike I bought a year ago. I also started reading again and zipped through almost 50 books between June and now. By November, I was feeling strong and healthy. I felt like I had found a balance between work and activity and self-care. I was still coming to terms with my grandma passing in March of last year and with Ferguson (my sweet doggo) passing in September of last year. But I was trying and things were getting better. I felt like I had my feet underneath me.

Lemme stop you here if you don’t want to read about death and some general medical stuff. Because that’s mostly what you’re getting from here on out.

On November 21st, my mom texted me at 5:30am. I got it right away because I usually wake up around that time, alarm or not. She said she had dropped my dad off at the hospital because he was having difficulty breathing. Apparently, he’d been feeling bad for a week, but insisted to everyone that it was just his sinuses draining. I called her and began questioning her like I was cross-examining a star witness. I was able to piece together a really fucking shitty story.

My dad always went to a friend’s house on Friday evenings to have a couple beers and hang out. We’d all warned him since March that he needed to stop, but he insisted it was fine. He bought into a lot of the cavalier attitude that the Trump fans have over this virus. Plus, he was 64-years-old and didn’t take any medication so he probably thought it was no big deal. He spent a few hours at his friend’s house on November 6th. Unbeknownst to anyone at the time, he received a call from that friend on November 11th that the friend and the friend’s wife had tested positive for COVID. He didn’t share this info with my mother, my brothers, or my uncle, all of whom had been near him. By November 15th, he was coughing but insisted it was drainage when my mom suggested he take something for it and go to the doctor. By November 18th, he was worse and admitted to my mom that his friend had tested positive but that he hadn’t seen him for almost two weeks so his problems were just sinus-related and not COVID. My mom hates confrontation, so she accepted this and didn’t tell anyone, including me and my brothers. By November 19th, he had a fever and was having trouble breathing along with a persistent cough. He finally agreed to take some cold medicine, but refused to call his doctor’s office despite my mom asking him many, many times. At 4:30am on November 21st, he woke my mom and asked her to take him to the hospital because he couldn’t breathe well. She dropped him off and returned home to text me since they wouldn’t allow her in the building. She also texted my brothers, who admitted that they felt like they’d had a cold for several days. I live 4 hours away and haven’t traveled since March, so I hadn’t seen any of them.

A nurse called my mom a couple hours after she dropped my dad off to tell her that he was positive for COVID and pneumonia and they were admitting him to put him on a bipap. From what I understand, that’s the oxygen mask that pushes air into your lungs. Later that day, the health department called my mom and told her to quarantine for two weeks. My mom cooperated and gave them my brothers’ phone number (they live together), my uncle’s phone number, and the name and number of the person we suspected my dad was infected by (his friend). My brothers opted to get tested and were positive. They quarantined for two weeks and had mild to moderate symptoms (brief fever, very tired, cough, drainage). My mom had virtually no symptoms with the exception of some drainage that she took Mucinex for. She didn’t get tested, but she lived and slept in the same bed with my dad for a week while he was symptomatic. If my brothers got it from 30 minutes in the same room as him, surely she got it as well. My uncle and his son got tested, but they were negative.

My dad was cooperative with the doctor and nurses at first, but as the first day wore on he became irritated. He’d been without his chewing tobacco (yes, I know: eww) for several hours and was going through nicotine withdrawal, but wouldn’t admit that to the nurses or doctor. The next day he was put in ICU, still on the bipap, and even more unruly and rude to the staff taking care of him. They called my mom to ask her to talk to him and convince him to cooperate. They said if he couldn’t recover on the bipap and required a ventilator then “things would be very bad.” My mom tried to talk to him by text and he just continued to insist that he was well enough to come home.

I used to be close to my dad when I was a kid, but we’d grown apart over my adulthood. Over the past 20 years, my dad morphed into someone different. Everyone around him, especially my grandmother, told me they saw this happen the same as I did. The result was that my dad became someone I didn’t like and didn’t want to spend time with. He also didn’t seem to know how to talk to me anymore. To be fair, I didn’t give him much help in that regard. I texted him to see how he was doing and the conversation quickly devolved into him complaining about the care and insisting he was well enough to come home. I tried to reason with him and appeal to his love for my mom by saying that my fear was him coming home and giving her the virus. He told me that he’d decided he was no longer contagious and this was just a bunch of bullshit. This conversation via text continued through Monday and Tuesday (November 23rd and 24th), but it took a turn for the delusional. The doctor can only assume that the virus and the lack of oxygen had resulted in hallucinations and delusions. My dad told my mother and I that he was in an office building owned by a man named Mr. Pritt. He said he was the only patient and that this man was having his workers experiment on him and that they would eventually kill him. He demanded that we come get him immediately so he could recover at home. When we told him he’d die if he came home because he was too sick, he insisted he wasn’t sick at all and became very angry with us. He accused both my mom and I of conspiring to kill him because we wouldn’t help him. One day he told me that I’d confirmed what he’d known all along. I asked him what that was and he said, “That I always loved you more than you loved me.” This really hurt because even though I knew he was loopy, I also knew that he’d probably actually had that though before.

He began refusing treatment on those days and wouldn’t accept the steroids they were trying to give him and raised hell when they tried to take him for a chest x-ray. He also told them he didn’t want to be placed on a ventilator even though he had agreed to one when he was admitted. He was texting all of his friends and telling them he needed a ride home. He attempted to get up and leave the hospital twice, falling in the floor both times because he was so weak from lack of oxygen once he took the mask off. He also told my mom and I that he was secretly removing the mask when the nurses couldn’t see to prove to them that he wasn’t sick. He was taking and sending blurry pictures to us of the room as “evidence.” He told my mom to forward the pictures to “the feds.” The pictures were of his hospital bed, the whiteboard with his nurses’ and doctor’s names on it, his IVs, etc. By the morning of Wednesday, the 25th, I was getting some off-the-wall texts from him. He was begging us to come check him out of the hospital at that point and we were trying to play along and tell him we were getting everything in order for him to come home soon. Eventually, he told me that he wasn’t getting out of there alive and that he loved me. I told him I loved him too and begged him to do whatever the doctor said because the doctor wanted to help him get better.

A few minutes later, the nurse called my mom and asked if she’d been on the phone with my dad. My mom said she and I hadn’t spoken to him by any way other than text since he arrived at the hospital. The nurse said he had been on the phone with a woman, trying to convince her to come get him. The nurse made him put the call on speaker so she could tell the woman that he wasn’t well enough to leave. Because she was concerned that her message didn’t get through before my dad hung up, she called my mom to make sure he hadn’t convinced my mom to check him out against medical advice. My mom assured her that we had no intention of breaking him out of the hospital, but she didn’t know who the woman was. It wasn’t her or me. We called a long-time former co-worker of my dad’s that I’ve known since I was a kid and she said she hadn’t talked to him. We called his best friend and asked if he’d called and spoken to the man’s wife. Not her either. More on this later. I’m sure you know where it’s going.

We were stumped, but didn’t have time to deal with it because the nurse practitioner called and told my mom that my dad was delusional and could no longer make his own decisions. They said he had no chance of survival if they didn’t put him on a ventilator immediately. My mom called me. I told her to agree to it. The nurse called her back and gave the phone to my dad. He had agreed to the ventilator as well and wanted to tell my mom that he loved her and me and my brothers and his dog. His speech was slurred and muffled from the bipap mask, but she at least heard that. They intubated him right after the call. He was on a paralytic for a week. When they backed off on the paralytic, they had to increase his oxygen. A week later, the nurse tried to kindly tell us that he wasn’t getting better and his chances of survival were low. She suggested we start to talk about turning off the ventilator and letting him go. We did talk about that, which was very upsetting for everyone, but the doctor said he’d been on the ventilator for two weeks and we’d give him one more week to see what happens. By this point, he no longer had pneumonia. But the damage COVID did to his lungs couldn’t be repaired.

The ventilator was on full blast (highest pressure, highest oxygen) just to keep him somewhat stable. The days were ticking by and he still wasn’t making progress. Any step forward was followed by a bigger step back. My mom would call and get the update from the nurse most days, but I did call myself a few days. When I’d call and talk to the nurse, I’d get a grim picture that my mom didn’t seem to get or understand. I talked to her on December 12th and asked her if she was trying to protect my brothers and I or if she really thought he was going to get better. She admitted that she’d had a feeling for days that he wasn’t going to get better. We decided to just wait for the doctor to call. The nurse called my mom on Monday, December 14th and told her that my dad’s blood pressure was all over the place and they were struggling to keep him stable, that the ventilator was turned up to the highest settings and it was barely enough to keep him going. My mom texted me and told me she asked them to call me. The doctor called me within about 20 minutes and basically told me that my dad wasn’t going to make it. They’d had him on a ventilator for 19 days and within a couple days his throat tissue would likely become necrotic from the pressure of the cuff keeping the tube in place. They could only continue the ventilator if they could put in a trach and he wasn’t stable enough for that. In addition, he needed more support than the ventilator could provide. I was told he was either going to go into cardiac arrest while on the ventilator and die or they’d be forced to take him off the ventilator because of the damage to his throat. The most damning thing he told me was that he’d removed the sedation but my dad didn’t wake. He wasn’t responsive, wouldn’t squeeze their hands, wouldn’t flinch when they tested his reflexes, nothing.

I was told we could come sit with him and say goodbye when the ventilator was removed. I asked when and the doctor said soon. I live 4 hours from my parents, so I told him I’d leave right away and have my mom call to make arrangements for me to come to the hospital. I called my mom and told her all this and asked her to let the hospital know. I packed a bag and rushed out the door. On my way out of town, the doctor called me back and asked if I was on my way. My mom had told them that we’d come by the next morning and he was worried my dad wouldn’t make it through the night. So, I had to have a shitty conversation with my mom about how we couldn’t schedule my dad’s death for 7am on Tuesday, that it needed to happen at 8pm on Monday. I do not recommend these types of calls.

I got into town around 7pm and picked my mom up because she’d decided she wanted to come with me. My brothers said they couldn’t handle it and decided to stay at my mom’s house. My mom and I were taken to the COVID floor, given gowns, and gloves, told he was COVID positive so we’d need to continue to wear our cloth masks (no medical mask, is that safe?!), and escorted to his room in the ICU. Guys, he looked so fucking tired and so sad. It was heartbreaking. The nurse said their ICU was full and most of the patients were in the same shape as my dad. We talked to him for a few minutes, held his hand and all that shit. He didn’t respond in any way, so I don’t know if he was even there. We stepped out of the room while they removed the tube and gave him some medicine. When we went back in, his breaths were labored and it looked like he was gasping for air. My mom almost lost it because she wasn’t expecting that. I told her she could go wait in the hall and I’d stay with him until he passed. The nurse was kind enough to give him a little more medicine to make it less dramatic, but it was still difficult watching him breathe in that way. My mom sat so she couldn’t see his head to make things easier on herself. We sat there with him for about 40 minutes before he passed away at 8:32pm on Monday, the 14th.

I stayed with my mom last week and helped her arrange a private graveside service and the burial. She wanted to do a funeral and I thought that was the worst idea, so we agreed on doing a celebration of life next year when things are a little better (hopefully). To my knowledge, I haven’t had the virus. I operated under the assumption that my mom and brothers had it and were immune for now and wouldn’t transmit it. So, I was able to be with them without mask, but I did wear a mask when anyone else was around. I can’t say the same for the fucking funeral director and the locksmith’s employee who opened my dad’s safe for us, though. I live in a bigger city and mask wearing is pretty wide-spread here, but I saw so many people in my hometown (a more rural area) who didn’t bother with them.

Anyway, while all these graveside preparations are going on my mom goes through the bag of personal items from my dad that the hospital gave us. She tossed his clothes in the washer and placed his two rings into a bag to give to the funeral home so he could be buried in them. She also pulled out his wallet and his cell phone. His wallet has a picture that was obviously cut from an old driver’s license of a woman named Deb. Apparently, this woman lives in Florida and had attended junior high school with my dad. About two years ago, my parents took a trip to Florida and visited with her for several days. She even friended my mom on Facebook. So, the old driver’s license picture of her was very weird. What was even more disturbing? His wallet also contained a plastic bag of hair that very obviously is not my mom’s. And there was a piece of paper with three phone numbers on it. His phone was locked with a PIN and was set to wipe itself after 20 incorrect tries. I did tried to break into it, but wasn’t successful. My mom admitted that she suspected he’d been talking to someone on his phone for years, but she never directly confronted him about it. She’d just make comments about him always texting on his phone and being secretive. Two Christmases ago he bought her a ring at a store that she has an online login to. This particular store posts the receipts for all purchases linked to the customer’s account to the website. She saw that my dad had purchased two pieces of jewelry even though she only received one. My dad has never in his life bought me a Christmas present without my mom assisting, so she knew it wasn’t for me. She still didn’t confront him, though. She just told him that she could see the itemized receipts online.

I sympathized with my mom because I’ve experienced the infidelity of a partner in a relationship and if I were her then I’d want to know. But I also told her that I don’t know digging into it will make things any better and may not even give her the truth. He’s gone and there is nothing that can be done about that or anything else. While I was running errands for her the day before the graveside service, she messaged Deb in Florida and asked if she wanted her picture back. She also called the three phone numbers in his wallet. One went to Deb. The other two were the cell phone and work phone of my dad’s best friend’s wife, Anne. The same friend and wife who likely gave the virus to my dad. My mom told me when I got back that she’d done this and admitted she’d always felt like my dad was talking to Anne and might have an inappropriate relationship with her. I suspect my mom is right. Gut instinct is usually accurate. She said she didn’t think anything physical was going on with Deb, but she did think my dad was carrying on a flirtatious relationship with her via text. In both cases, he tried to hide it. And if you hide it, then you know it’s wrong. That night Deb messaged my mom back and said she had heard about what happened to my dad and was very sorry. She said that my dad was always clear that he was married and nothing went on that was inappropriate, but that he gave her someone to talk to when her husband was sick and dying five years earlier and they’d always kept in contact. Again, I don’t think my mom can count on anyone to give her the full story without spin or deceit. A couple days ago, she texted me a picture of a receipt from my dad’s truck. It was from last Christmas from a department store. It had two pieces of jewelry on it. She looked them both up using the UPCs listed and found the necklace he gave her last year and a ring she doesn’t recognize. We don’t know if he was giving this jewelry to Deb in Florida or Anne, his friend’s wife. Or someone else we don’t even know about. And we’re probably never going to know. Do I want to call Deb and Anne and tell them I want to full story? Fuck yeah. Do I think it will fix anything? Fuck no.

TL;DR? I finally found some balance in my life late this summer. This balance was destroyed when my dad got COVID and died after three weeks in the hospital. And when you’ve already got a not-so-great relationship with your dad, you get all kinds of feels when he dies in a traumatic way and then you find out he’s been screwing around on your mom. I also have lots of anger toward him for knowingly exposing my other family members to the virus simply because he didn’t want to own up to getting it after doing something we’d all told him to stop doing.

Health-wise? I think I’m okay. It’s been almost ten days since I was with him in the hospital and seven days since his graveside service. I haven’t had any symptoms yet and I think most people show symptoms by now. Regardless, I’ve been at home since I returned last Thursday evening and I intend to stay home until January 2nd. My boyfriend is also home and will be here until January 2nd as well. Just to be safe. My brothers are mostly recovered, but both still have a bit of a cough. My mom never had much in the way of symptoms and seems fine. My dad was 64 and overweight. We found out once he was admitted to the hospital that his regular doctor had told him he was a diabetic and my dad insisted on “treating” that with cinnamon instead of actual medicine. Other than those things, he didn’t have any health concerns. Be careful, ya’ll.

#Anogete in real life #personal #covid_19 #fuck covid #family #death

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dakotasgreenkitchen · 4 years ago

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Take A Chance On Me- Part 4.

“Okay so you’ll just have to hang out here. No school and I don’t want to leave you at home yet so.” Amelia said as she unlocked her office, Florence following behind. Messaging Jolene as she did so.

Florence: I have to go to fucking work with the perky people today.

Jolene: Fucking brutal. Don’t they work at a hospital. Maybe you’ll see someone’s leg fall off.

Florence: Shut the hell up, we don’t wish that on anyone. Except Mrs. Lawrence.

Jolene: Gotta go, mass is starting. Love you to the moon.

Florence: And back every day.

“So you can come with me on rounds. Just be seen not heard.” Amelia said as she placed her bags behind her desk.

“Deal.” Florence said, putting her phone into the pocket of her straight leg jeans. Along with that she paired an ABBA vintage shirt and over sized light blue cardigan with black loafers.

Amelia and Carina had to collaborate on a patient earlier in the week and despite Amelia having a slight crush on Carina- they were able to be close friends.

“Uh who is the bambina?” Carina asked noticing Florence walking behind Amelia.

“Florence, Carina DeLuca, Carina this is Florence.” Amelia said as she motioned for Florence to walk closer to her.

“And she is your daughter si?” Carina asked as she grabbed the chart from the nurse, pushing a piece of her behind her ear.

“No. Her and Atticus picked me out of a home for kids with dead parents.” Florence shrugged as she stood with Amelia, pulling out her phone after receiving a call from Jolene.

“Okay then.” Carina answered unsure of how to respond to an answer like that.

“Hey lovey.” Florence laughed as Amelia let her sit at the nurses station, the spinning stool under her.

“Hey bitch. I got out of mass by pretending I was sick.” Jolene laughed, falling onto the bed behind her.

“The same trick we’ve been using since we met. I don’t even have mass to get out of anymore. But I’m at the hospital with Amelia and people who keep asking if I’m her daughter.” Florence sighed as Amelia and Carina made her get up once more.

“Who are you talking to?” Amelia asked, noticing Florence staring intently at the phone.

“Jolene. Jolene, Amelia, Amelia and Carina this is Jolene.” Florence said as she turned the phone to Amelia and Carina.

Jolene gave a small wave before directing her attention back to Florence. They conversed in the hall as Amelia and Carina me to patients.

“Okay I just got paged 911 for a surgery and Link is also in surgery. I’m going to leave you with Carina until we both get done. Have a really good day.” Amelia said as she put her hand on Florence’s shoulder before she ran off to the elevator.

—

“So why do I have to go to a fire station with you?” Florence asked as she sat in the passenger seat of Carina’s car.

“Because my wife works there and I am going to go see her.” Carina smiled as she pulled into the station drive.

“Okay.” Florence answered. Carina turned off the car and let Florence walk in front of her. Andy, Vic and Travis sat at the front desk arguing over a caller.

“Carina!!” The group cheered as they saw the Italian walk through the glass door.

“Hi, everyone this is Amelia and Link’s little bambina.” Carina grinned placing a hand onto Florence’s shoulder.

“I’m not their daughter. They picked me out of a home after my parents died in a fire.” Florence said with a monotone.

“Because they’re crazy people.” A voice came from behind the adults, the spinning chair revealing a girl with bright red ringlets and emerald eyes.

“That’s one of our new interns-“ Travis started before the girl shoved past them, hugging Florence so hard she almost toppled to the ground.

“JOLENE.” Florence shrieked wrapping her arms around Jolene.

“What are you doing here?” Jolene smiled widely, finally pulling back from the tight hug.

“I’m here with Carina visiting her wife. What the hell are you doing interning at a fire station?!” Florence asked her eyebrows raised but her eyes full of joy.

“I don’t know Mrs. Lawrence made us do it. I’m so happy to see you.” Jolene said as she grabbed Florence once again.

“Oh so you two know each other?” Vic asked as the adults watched the young girls interactions.

“19 this is my best friend Florence. Florence this is 19.” Jolene smiled introducing her to the team.

“Hey. So I wanted to tell you something.” Florence said as everyone walked to the beanery.

“Who did you kill?” Jolene joked, taking a juice out of the fridge.

“I have a chess rating now. And I’m the only girl on the team.” Florence bragged. Florence wasn’t one to be shy about her intellectual abilities. She found herself superior to most people in life because of the way her brain worked.

“Don’t-“ Jolene started, her tone hushed not wanting the team to hear it.

“Let the consequences of genius catch up with me. I know. Ive got this under control.” Florence promised as they sat at the table with Vic, Travis, Jack, Carina and Maya.

—

“Hey don’t you have your chess thingy on Sunday?” Amelia asked as she leaned in the door with the laundry basket.

“Yeah.” Florence said, glancing between her book and the board. Book to board. Her mind traveling a thousand miles every second as she played her favorite opening- The Queen’s Gambit.

“I really want to know you. You are such a sweet and unique kid and I want to know you.” Amelia said sitting on Florence’s bed.

“There isn’t much to know.” Florence chuckled. Turning to face Amelia. Amelia’s eyes welcoming and kind.

“Well let’s start easy. Tell me your favorite movie, favorite book and favorite show. And we will watch them and read them.” Amelia said walking over to the chess board.

“Favorite movie is umm Silence of the Lambs. Favorite book is The Handmaid’s Tale same for favorite show.” Florence smiled. Passing Amelia the old and somewhat torn up book.

“Kind of dark.” Amelia chuckled, flipping through the book. Writing and markings of lessons and words learned in it.

“My mother said it was one I had to read when I was mature enough to handle it. I couldn’t put it down, I devoured it really quickly.” Florence smiled, showing Amelia the handwriting of her mother.

“If I upset you in the beginning I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” Amelia said, grabbing Florence’s hand.

“You didn’t. You remind me of my mother and Atticus of my papa. They loved each other the gross lovey dove way you do.” Florence said her sad eyes meeting Amelia’s.

“I’m sorry. I lost my dad when I was young too.” Amelia said rubbing Florence’s shoulder.

“Did you father die in a fire that your mother started to take her own life?” Florence asked quietly looking at Amelia. Her and Link hadn’t been told how Florence’s parents perished. Just that they did.

#amelia shepherd #atticus lincoln #amelia x link #amelinkfanfic #amelink fics #grey’s anatomy fan fic #grey’s anatomy fic #take a chance on me #florence #scoutderekshepherdlincoln

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grace-lost-in-space · 5 years ago

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Anorexia is Lonely

I have not written a proper update in a while. Lately, I feel as though my world is crashing down around me. Pieces of my once certain future, bumping me on the head and blacking my eyes before hitting the ground and burning in front of me. Pieces of my past flashing in the sky like lightning bolts during a thunderstorm, with rain soaking through every ounce of my being and weighing me down to the point of exhaustion.

There are also tears, but who can see those in the chaos of this massive thunderstorm?

How did it get this bad?

How am I THIS sick?

I once looked at bodies like mine with envy, praying at night to “look like that”. Little did I know what a gigantic and burdensome price tag “that” would come with. In case you are wondering—and in case you are one of many who, like I once did, wishes so much to “look like that”, let me talk a bit about exactly what it entails. I sure wish someone had told me before I was knee deep in this disorder...and then waist deep...and then neck deep...and, now, sinking.

1. Loneliness. Excruciating loneliness. Some people think weight will have an impact on social status or like-ability. It does—a little—at least here in America. Some of that is true. But what no one explains ahead of time is that this is beyond dieting. This is a disorder. Eventually, you keep going and going and going until you can barely lift your head off of the pillow. If you have the energy to turn over on to your side to get some relief from the pressure sores on your bottom and shoulder blades, it will hurt. Your bones will ache. You thought you would have more energy? More confidence? More dates? Eventually, if you keep going, your only date will be a tv marathon. Trust me. I spend a lot of my time stuck in one spot because I have no energy and my bones ache to their very core from the pressure of just sitting or lying down. There are no dates. There is no shopping. There are doctors appointments and therapy appointments and I have to be sure to take my time getting there, sitting and standing slowly, and not making sudden movements because I will pass out, my heart will skip beats, or I will fall—all from a weak heart brought on by anorexia.

2. Pure hatred. In the beginning, I spent a lot of time looking in the mirror, satisfied at my quickly changing body. Fascinated, really, at what I was “accomplishing.” Now? Now I avoid anything that might show even a glimpse of my reflection. I am, as they say, “a walking skeleton.” Anytime I am in public, everyone stares at me. The elderly woman in the corner of the doctor’s office waiting room, the 6 year old with her mom waiting for speech therapy, the off-duty doctor browsing the bookstore on a Saturday afternoon. They know. They never say anything but they know. And I hate it. I hate myself. My muscles are atrophied. I can hardly lift my favorite pair of platform Converse off of my shoe rack.

3. Sadness. My skin is pale and paper thin. Once I finally find the energy to change positions while watching my tv marathon, I scroll through instagram and see everyone’s lives moving forward except for my own. Pictures of class schedules, pictures of boyfriends and girlfriends, pictures of “daily run time!!!”, pictures of swimming in the ocean and rivers, pictures of birthday dinners. Those should be things that I am doing—or at least that I COULD be doing if I were not in the trenches of the misery that is anorexia. Most girls my age are trying to decide which bathing suit to wear on any particular day. Me? I have a permanent feeding tube in my stomach. I am scrolling online trying to decide which Tubie Pads I might want.

4. Medical complexities. My heart skips beats every day and sometimes it takes my breath away. Sometimes my heartbeat is so low (in the upper 30’s) that my body just gives out and I fall asleep unexpectedly, only to wake up later holding my breath. I am often so dehydrated that my heartbeat will skyrocket into the 120’s when I stand. As a result of anorexia, I have developed gastroparesis and, although I am tube fed, I still experience the effects. Constipation. You want to know the last time I did #2? 8 days ago. And getting used to telling my providers that never feels any less embarrassing, even though they ask me each week. Last time I was hospitalized, I had to have a “bowel clean out” and get nutrients through an IV.

Anorexia feels like being in between life and death. Alive, but not quite. Dead, but not quite. Somewhere in the middle of a truly miserable existence. I try and try and try to get into a facility but, apparently, you can be “too sick” to be admitted to a place. Yes, I swear. In fact, the very few places who will accept out of state insurance have turned me down because I am “too sick.” Truth. I am, according to these professionals, “a medical liability” so much so that I have been referred to hospice THREE times.

I want more than anything to live. And if you are reading this and you have an eating disorder, whether anorexia, bulimia, or ANY eating disorder, YOU deserve help. You deserve love. You deserve compassion. There were days when I felt like I was not “sick enough” for help. And now I am “too sick” as defined by so-called professionals.

Please. If you are struggling, reach out. Talk. Write. Ask questions. Ask for help. Know that you are so worthy of life and love and happiness. Because I would never wish any of this on my very worst enemy.

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butchedyke · 4 years ago

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i was tagged by miss alex @hotrod2007 to answer 30 questions and tag people to also answer said questions. thank u my dearest soap eating friend this took me multiple days to complete because i got stuck on the last question <3

1. name/nickname: colleen! my beloved discord friends call me col tho

2. gender: teenage boy in a campy 80s film

3. star sign: scorpio! i finally memorised my moon and rising bc i was sick of checking my phone every time it came up but idk what it means so if scorpio sin virgo moon libra rising means anything to anyone. hmu

4. height: short but still taller than alex <3 (approx 5'3")

5. time: it was 11:53pm aedst when i started writing this but i just finished 2 days later and it's 10:16pm <3

6. birthday: november 4

7. favorite bands/groups: one direction, panic! at the disco (do not mistake me for someone that likes or respects br*ndon urie i just like the songs), i'm more prone to just listening to Songs rather than Artists so i'm p limited here dhksbc i've been listening to a decent amount of the cure lately tho

8. favorite solo artist: hozier, mika, harry styles, again tho i listen to a lot of individual songs rather than artists rip

9. song stuck in my head: nothing atm so i'm hoping to keep it that way. most of today i had our house by madness stuck in my head and i don't need that curse back

10. last movie: ready or not

11. last show: s*pernatural

12: when did i create this blog: 2012 :|

13. what do i post: that is such a good question!

14. last thing googled: azealia banks cat

15. other blogs: that's a secret 🧡

16. do i get asks: no and i don't know what i have to do to get them!!!!

17. why did i choose this url: i'm butch. i'm lesbian. that's it!

18. following: 516

19. followers: around 2660, it fluctuates when i change content or post mildly problematic things

20. average hours of sleep: a solid 7 or 8! benefits of living with ur gf who does full time shiftwork ur sleep schedule becomes weirdly regular around hers

21. lucky number: just like. whatever

22. instruments: i haven't touched it for a solid 12 months but cornet, i played in my local brass band from age 10 until i moved out at 17 and still sometimes play when i'm visiting my parents

23. what am i wearing: pyjamas 🧡 grey shirt with cats on it and long black shorts with skulls on them

24: dream job: dream jobs aren't real no one dreams of working whatever but i want to work in a museum! i'd be happy with any job whether it be curating or tour guiding or whatever but i know i need more qualifications :^| other than that though i'd like to work in a library!

25: dream trip: not 2 be cringe but i'd kill to go to disney world. i've got a Thing for the lore of the parks, sue me

26. favorite food: lasagne. garfield kinnie (joke)

27. nationality: a*stralian 🤢

28. favorite song: atm either wuthering heights by kate bush or the lovecats by the cure

29. last book read: i genuinely could not tell you the last book i finished reading but i got about halfway through howl's moving castle last year! shit's wack he's literally just a guy from wales? studio ghibli REALLY took some liberties and i thank them every day for it

30. three fictional universes you’d like to live in: suddenly ive forgotten every piece of media ive ever consumed 🧡 on the topic of studio ghibli though i'd definitely say the my neighbour totoro universe given that i have in the past had a cry over the fact that totoro isn't real, maybe ocarina of time hyrule but in a universe where nothing goes wrong and i just live my little lesbian life in kakariko village OR on the floaty island in skyward sword which i have Not played since i was about 9 but have positive opinions on (switch remaster when), and highkey the professor layton universe bc i love a good ambiguous time period and i like the idea of it being normal to just have puzzles everywhere and sometimes communicate through them. don't talk to me unless you solve this puzzle. icon behaviour

im always beaten to tagging the people i want to but im gonna do it anyway just in case <3 @lethbians @morbidstuff2019 @eastaustraliancurrent @dykearchie @zukkacore @pensomolto @afterafternoons obviously no one is obligated to do it and if any of my other beloved mutuals are compelled to u can say i tagged u this is an @everyone

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supertweetycherry · 5 years ago

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DIE HARD || [iv. Girl Talks and Boys]

—Pairings: BTS x OC

—Genre: BTS Mafia Au, Slight Fluff, Angst (a lot of it), Heartbreak, Thriller

—Ratings: 18+ | MA Content | R

—Warnings: Abuse, Rude Behaviour, Fighting, Blood, Death, Weapons/Blades and Mentions of Sex, Mentions of Killing.

—Summary: She belong to them. They belong to her. It’s simple as that. Period.

—Word Count: 7k

Navigations -> Masterlist || MASTERPOST <<Part 2 || Part 4>>

Chapter 3 - Girl Talks and Boys

“—the local law enforcements in South Korea are still working on the case of the famous murder mystery of the Lee Enterprise executive director, Jung Jae-hee. The case has become a global interest as it is related to the world’s most dangerous and notorious gang of the decade. Tweets, news articles and unseen videos are being surfaced around the web, with ‘Bangtan’ trending on social media. It is being speculated that the notorious group of viscous killers are residing here in America, causing fear and a state-wide panic around the country. The United States government has yet to say anything official about the rumors. Till then, the focus has been shifted onto the murder case and the increasing mafia activities in South Korea—”

Yoona hummed to herself as she sipped onto her herbal tea for the tenth time in the past hour. Her small fingers cupping the warm cup as her ears continued to pick up the words of the nearest news channels playing in the large cafeteria.

It has been few days since the actual incident and people are still continuing to hear the old, recycled news over and over again. The amount of channels covering this piece of segment for the last few days has left a large gaping hole in Yoona’s ears. She was sick, tired and exhausted of it.

Yes, a murder happened in her home country.

Yes, the victim was her former boss.

And yes, the culprits might be the worldwide famous gang called ‘Bangtan’. A native Korean gang who had appeared out of nowhere.

So what? Deal with it!

Yoona sighed loudly as she buried her face into her arms. Her ears picked up the change in the news reporter’s voice. It seemed more feminine now. Pulling her head up a bit, she glanced at the large TV as a new segment rolled in.

“—moving on, the three-day search for the two college girls in Beverly Hills has now come to an end as the local authorities here in the downtown Los Angeles, discovered a series of dead bodies in the Chinatown district of the city. A total of five girls were found, dead and tortured, with their vital organs missing from their bodies. Two of those bodies matched the description of the two missing girls while others are still unaccounted for. The bodies have started to decompose suggesting that they’ve been dead for quite a while before a citizen of Chinatown found them in a ditch near his area—”

The 26 year old groaned and rubbed her ears in frustration as the segment ate her brain up, again. She dipped her head back into her arms, pushing the warm beverage away from her fingers. Sure, she felt remorse, pity and sadness for the dead girls but it also annoyed her that her surroundings are filled with so much of negativity. It triggered her in a way that she didn’t like.

That is until... a large folder slammed onto the white table infront of her. The loud bang that erupted from it was enough for yoona’s tired, aching muscles to tense up again. She had to hold down her cup tightly before it could jump and topple down the table due to the vibrations.

“You know, a small warning would have been sufficed.” Yoona said slowly as she threw a slight glare at the person who dared to interrupt her personal ‘me-time’.

“Bitch please. You should be happy that a mere peasant like you has the honour to be in my holy presence. Not even kings can afford me.”

This only earned the intruder a mocking eye-roll from the 26 year old beauty.

“Don’t you have work to do, your highness?” Yoona mocked as her shaking nerves relaxed. She pulled herself up and continued to drink her warm tea. But it wasn’t warm anymore.

“Not when there’s juicy gossip.” Her friend smirked before shoving the said folder in Yoona’s direction. Yoona stared at it blankly. It was black in colour and looked quite thick. “It’s about Jung Jae-hee.”

“No.”

The mere mention of the late director was enough for Yoona to do a 360 turn and never look back again. She picked up her cold tea and left the small table she was sitting on.

“Yuriii...”

“No, Suzy.” Yoona ignored her friend’s whining as she dumped her cold tea through the drain before leaving the blue coloured cup in the sink. “Why are you all so obsessed with her death? People die all the time. Just get over it.”

The little shiver in the older girl’s voice should have been enough for Suzy to stop pestering her friend. But like the stubborn chick she is, Suzy continued in her voyage to tell the new juicy gossip she had discovered recently.

Yoona didn’t like it when her only friend gave her a sudden smirk before pushing her right through the fire exit’s door and right into the stairs that suddenly appeared in her view.

“Suzy!” Yoona exclaimed when she realised that the younger girl had practically kidnapped her.

“Shush.”

“But—”

“I said shush, Yuri. I need some girl time with you. And this, my friend, is the best way we can relish our old memories, considering hardly anyone looks our way these days.”

That was true. Yoona couldn’t deny that fact. They were the noisy, cheap girls of the company. No-one gave them a second glance unless they needed a one-night stand or something. Yoona wasn’t exactly sure how they gained that reputation. She had never been active in her love life unlike her friend, Suzy. Yoona had kept herself quiet, timid and hidden most of the time. Infact, she’s a pure virgin, with no skills at batting her eye lashes at any pretty boy. So, why?

“You want us to bond over a murder case?”

“No, I want us to bond over the world’s most dangerous species... boys.” The girl exclaimed, making Yoona groan.

Boys is a topic that Yoona tends to stay away from. There are just too many old and painful memories associated with them.

“Come on, don’t be a spoil sport. There are many varieties in here.” Suzy insisted as she pulled Yoona near the steel railings where they found a clean spot to sit on. The older girl didn’t like how open and wide spread the exit was. She peeked down to see an array of blue stairs leading down to the ground floor. They were designed in a zigzag formation, continuing on and on for what seemed like, forever.

It wasn’t Yoona’s first time at being kidnapped by her friend. Suzy had done that to her many times on multiple different occasions. But today, the familiar scenery of the descending stairs was unwelcoming. Not to mention, the see-through glass that acted as the walls of this passageway was too exposing and open for her taste. She could literally see the giant skyscrapers from here with a visibility record of 100%.

Yeah... Lee Enterprise is too rich for their own good.

“So, this baby here—” Suzy held up the thick folder. “—was delivered to the queen boss this morning. And like the curious, evil person I am, I snagged it before she could have a chance to read through the papers.”

Yoona raised her eyebrows at this before shaking her head in disappointment.

“No wonder files kept disappearing around Ji-Soo. She’s too dumb to notice her surroundings.”

“Exactly.” Suzy smirked before flipping through the pages. “And that is how ARIA files must have been stolen from her desk. She really needs to invest in a good secretary.”

Yoona couldn’t help but smile at this. Her uncle’s plaything ‘ARIA’ has been unresponsive for the past few days. The files continued to be missing while no-one has any idea as to what has been going on with ARIA. The large casino building is one of their major money-making sites here in the American branch.

“Anyways, back to the topic, there’s a postmortem report in this folder indicating that our lovely girl, Jung Jae-hee, might not be so innocent as we thought.” Suzy teased, flickering to a page filled with numerous Hangul symbols. “I’m not great at reading Hangul, but by the look of this, I can tell, Jae-hee had an intimate intercourse with her killer. It was right before she was killed. How exciting is that?”

Yoona was spooked by her friend’s glazed eyes.

“Exciting? How is it exciting?” She questioned.

“You very dumb dumb bimbo...” Suzy groaned, hitting Yoona on the head. “Jae-hee was known to have a special, unique taste in men. Whoever she chose to be worthy of her attention, was a diamond from the rarest mines. Think about all the boys that surrounded her. Danny, Brad, Jackson, Bambam and our very own, Taemin.”

The older girl scoffed at her eldest cousin’s name.

“Taemin had a crush on her?” Yoona asked, whacking her brain to remember all the interactions between the two people she despises.

“He still does. Why do you think this baby is here in my hands?” Suzy said in glee, pointing at the opened folder.

“So, what’s the point?”

“The point is that my dear Yuri, Jae-hee had an impeccable taste in men. Which means whoever she had sex with was just as impeccable as her taste. Wanna see who that could be? There are few delicious choices in here.”

The older girl felt scared at her friend’s weird taste in men. She wanted them to bond over a series of hot killers? No thanks.

“No.” Yoona said, shaking her head. “You seriously have a messed up kink regarding these ‘delicious choices’. I’m not interested.” She continued, standing up on her feet.

“Honey, you haven't experienced the dark, steamy side of the world of guns. So women up and sit down.” The younger girl pressured, tugging down on Yoona, forcibly. The force of the little tug, sent the older girl spiralling down onto her bottom.

“Ya!” Yoona shrieked but was ignored by the younger girl.

Suzy threw a smirk in Yoona’s direction before she opened her mouth to recite the names of the killers like an intimate, sex broadcast on a radio.

Yeah, she was that crazy.

“Suspect number one: Do Kyung-soo. Code name is D.O. Height is unknown and DOB is unknown. His occupation is being a freelance hot-headed assassin. He has a body count of 256 people including both women and children. He fights with his hands and bites with his mouth. Known to be very brutal with his victims and has a large thirst towards sex. He’s the maniac elf that even the local law enforcement can’t control.” Suzy read off the folder as Yoona sighed in defeat. She made herself comfortable on the stairs before glancing at the photo of the man that her friend was so intimately reading about.

“The guy looks normal to me.” Yoona commented, not feeling any kind of attraction from the young-ish looking boy. “He’s a bit cute, but not cute enough.”

“You hardly feel anything towards any boy, sweetheart.”

Yoona forced a smile back in her friend’s direction. If only her friend knew about the lost boys from her past.

“So, who’s next?”

Suzy gave a bright smile to Yoona. She patted the older girl in affection before flipping the page to the next person.

“Suspect number two: Kwon Ji-yong. Code name: G-dragon. He’s a sniper, mainly works for the local gang called ‘Big Bang’. But it says here, he’s known to have involved in various assassinations of high profile victims. He’s a bit old for our age but still, he has an impeccable taste in women. Who knows Jae-hee might have fucked him before she departed to hell.”

Yoona looked closely at the picture. The guy looked a bit familiar. Or was it his eyes that reminded her of someone?

“Wait...” she said slowly, letting an old memory resurface. “Isn’t he—”

“Yup. The one and only.” Suzy nodded, cutting her off with a wicked smirk. “Jae-hee must have been one lucky girl to bang one of the most wanted criminals in the world.”

Kwon Ji-yong, AKA the G-dragon, was one of the snipers who was involved in the assassination of Donald Trump, the deceased president of United States of America. The attack took place an year ago. Upon deeper investigations, it was revealed that a series of snipers and killers were hired to kill the president. It was a month of horror for all of Americans and the president himself. There were so many attacks, so many explosions, the streets were flooded with criminals trying to get to the 73 year old man. But in the end, it was the two Asian killers who managed to cut the old man off. And Kwon Ji-yong was one of those Asian killers. The only one who had his face plastered on every news channel.

“Wow..” Yoona gaped at the new information.

“I know right? When I saw him, I had the same reaction.” Suzy commented, running her fingers through the photo. “Too bad he's a wanted criminal. I would have loved to bang this beauty.”

Yoona cringed at the cliche.

“He has a tattoo.” She offered, trying to get Suzy’s glazed eyes off the photo. “A large insect tattoo.”

“So he does.” Her friend teased with a devilish smirk.

“And multiple ear piercings.”

“So he does.”

“He’s not good. He’s bad.”

“Doesn’t matter to me.” Suzy countered with another smirk. “After all, bad boys are known to bring the heaven to you.”

Yoona groaned at her friend’s infatuation with criminal boys. The very first year into their friendship, Yoona had discovered the crazy obsession of bad boys that lives inside the younger girl. It peeked out from time to time whenever the younger girl’s sexual frustration increased, which by the way was a lot of times. Maybe that’s why the 24 year old was no longer a virgin. The pure innocence was lost in a dark, steamy one night stand three years ago.

“You’re still stuck on that boy, aren’t you?” Yoona questioned when she saw Suzy fingering the little trinket in her neck. It was a little necklace piece shaped into a Bluebell, hanging dangerously close to her round cleavage. It always makes a bell like noise whenever it was moved by her fingers or her olive skin.

“Who?” Suzy asked, snapping out of her glazed look. She was still fingering the little necklace.

“You know... that tall, steamy, purple-haired sex god who let you ride him for hours and hours.” Yoona teased, finally enjoying the moment.

A small hue of red appeared on Suzy’s cheeks. Her lips curled into a small smile as a warm feeling entered her chest.

Yoona chuckled at the blushing young girl. That boy must have been very special to cause the great Bae Suzy to blush like a little girl.

“Hush... stop laughing. It’s not funny. We’re going off topic!” Suzy exclaimed, flicking at Yoona’s obvious giggling state. “Yuri, Stop!” The younger begged. “We have to focus on Jae-hee!”

“Oh come on!” Yoona whined, flicking at the folder. “I’m more interested in your steamy one night stand than this folder full of lazy criminals.” The words caused Suzy’s ears to turn red. “Come on, let me do the honours.”

A terrified look appeared in Suzy’s eyes. Before the younger girl could react, Yoona had already snatched the folder out of Suzi’s fingers before throwing it over the railings. It clattered down the small, narrow gap quietly before a loud thump was heard indicating that the thick file has touched down on the ground floor.

Suzy gaped at her friend’s actions before looking down the railings. Yoona followed the same movements, only to discover the large heap of flying papers still descending down the stairs slowly due to the air and their light weight. The black folder itself was lying limply on the bottom floor like a dead man.

“Y-you just... oh my god!” Suzy couldn’t form the words. She looked so shocked that Yoona tried not to look too guilty. Looks like her habits of being unpredictable were acting up again. “That was Ji-soo’s file you dumb child! I was gonna put it back. But now it’s...”

“Don’t worry, she’ll just think it’s lost like the ARIA files.” Yoona shrugged before pulling the younger girl away from the railings. “Now tell me more about your knight in the shinning armour.”

It’s funny how Yoona changed her mood so quickly. A moment ago she wanted nothing more than to run away from Suzy’s constant prodding into her dead boss’s case and now, she wanted nothing more than Suzy to tell her about the dreamy boy she encountered in her euphoric adventures three years ago. She didn’t even care about the giant stairwell that was now flooded with colourful photographs and Korean paperwork outlining the details of a very sensitive case around America and South Korea. Something that could put a lot of people in a tight spot.

“Please?” Yoona begged, trying not to cringe at herself. Suzy looked tormented between her friend and the file on the bottom floor. After few seconds, she sighed in defeat.

“Why do you want to know so much about my man, lady?” Suzy countered, not liking the sudden interest.

Yoona grinned to herself. I’m interested because then you will forget about that stupid murder case and not give me anymore of those painful headaches that I’m already dealing with. She played the words in her mind.

“Because I love a good romantic story.” She beamed at the younger girl. Lies. I hate romantic stories. They always end up with a sad ending. Like mine did.

“Fine.” Suzy agreed, still giving her friend a suspicious look. She clapped her hands before opening her mouth to recite the memorable night once again. But before she could, a loud noise from down below interrupted them. They both panicked as they heard a hoard of footsteps making up the staircase.

With no time to think, they sprinted out of the same fire exit door that they originally came through, just barely escaping the steely eyes of the eldest Lee child who was sprinting up the stairs to find the person who stole the files from his sister’s desk.

He grumbled when he couldn’t find anyone and stared hopelessly at the mess of photos and papers that covered the stairwell, revealing the origins of his illegal sources.

“Fuck.”

*******

“—it has now been confirmed that the missing vital organs of the girls found dead earlier in Chinatown, are up on the black market to be sold to the highest bidder. The local police force are trying to trace the source of origin, but nothing has been found yet. With this new killing spree, young girls are advised to stay in their homes until the culprit has been arrested. The death of these girls has raised awareness issues around—”

“I can’t believe he actually did that.” Jongin commented as he grimaced at the graphic pictures being displayed on the large TV. His elder brother who sat beside him also looked uncomfortable. “Hyung, you should keep him in South Korea. He’s too brutal for America.”

“I wish I could, Kai. But I might have pissed him off real bad this time.” Minseok admitted as he shivered at the screams he heard that day. He was a member of the mafia too. He has seen his fair share of murders and has indulged in various killings but bangtan?... Bangtan is on a completely different level compared to him. They were ruthless and crazy-minded.

“Where is he now?”

“Honestly speaking... I don’t know.” Minseok replied with a shake of his head. He exhaled loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I have a feeling he’s still here, lurking around somewhere in the city.”

A tensed silence passed through them. Their body tensed up at the thought of their cousin still roaming around somewhere in the city. It’s dangerous for that guy to be here. The man had the most unstable mind in the group despite being the oldest and most responsible. He was an obsessed freak.

“This is too depressing for my liking.” The younger joked. Minseok couldn’t help but smile at the lame joke.

“Yeah, it is.”

There was a small pause between them, before Jongin spoke again.

“I wish Chen hyung was here. I miss him.”

The words were quiet and faint to the normal ears, but with minseok’s enhanced hearing, he heard every syllable. He also heard the painful longing that was hidden behind the tone. He looked at his youngest brother with a sad smile.

Kim Seokjin wasn’t the only one who had lost his love that night. Minseok had lost one of his little brothers that day. Kim Jongdae. He usually went by ‘Chen’. He was assigned as a bodyguard for the lovely Lee Yoona, swearing and dedicating his life to protect the girl who has once saved him when he was little.

“I miss him too, bud.” Minseok replied with the same tone. He really wanted his little brother back. But it was too late. The cheerful, playful boy was gone. He died that night, taking three shots to the chest for the very girl he was trying to protect.

Unknown to the Kim family, somewhere back in their home country, in a dark, dirty cell, a man laid on the floor, whimpering from the recent torture he has just received. His face was half burnt. His body was filled with numerous scars and painful wounds. He was shaking on the cold floor as he cried himself to sleep, thinking of only one thing. His brothers.

*******

“That was a close call.”

Yoona couldn’t agree more. She was slumped down onto her soft, leathery chair, relaxing as she closed her eyes and thought about the unexpected getaway she was involved in few hours ago. All thanks to Suzy of course.

The older girl glared at the younger girl who was invading her cubicle like a tall tree. Suzy’s eyes were focused on Yoona’s slumped state. After their hurried escape, they had separated into different directions, promising to meet up after the coast was clear.

“How can you be so relaxed, Yuri? We nearly got caught this morning!” Suzy whispered-yelled in a low voice. She was sitting on Yoona’s desk, a pile of papers acting as her cushion underneath her curved butt.

“The only thing I care about is that we escaped. And the fact that I will never let myself be kidnapped by you again.” Yoona muttered, poking a tongue out at the younger girl.

Her friend pouted.

“Oh come on!” Suzy whined. “We both know you were enjoying it.”

“Correction. You were enjoying it, I wasn’t. I was miserable.”

Wrong move.

“Fine, then be miserable forever.” The younger girl hissed before jumping off the table and leaving the workspace.

Yoona shook her head in disappointment. She was used to Suzy’s unexpected angry tantrums. Rubbing her head in complete tiredness, Yoona stood up and made her way to the furthest water station that served cold water and some cold ice cubes. Something that she truly needs to soothe the pain in her head.

Despite her bruises being healed, she still felt her body ache from time to time. The lack of a nutritional diet and her constant voyages of skipping meals produced sudden headaches and body weaknesses inside her. It sometimes affected her health in a bad way, but it doesn’t faze her even one bit. She’s careless with her existence. It’s something she has tried to work on but she never had the right motivation.

“Ahh... this feels nice.” She mutters to herself. The small bag of ice cubes was now placed against her forehead as she sipped onto the cold water quietly. The coldness from the bag was seeping into her skin, soothing the hot pain that penetrated her forehead like fire. She wanted nothing more than to fall asleep right here and then. But something stopped her.

A loud voice echoing behind her.

“ENOUGH!”

The loud volume of the voice was enough to tell her that it was coming from the nearest cabin which turned out to her uncle’s. Putting her makeshift ice bag and the water cup down, she walked further down the corridor that led to her uncle’s cabin. The curiosity cat inside her was bubbling to know the reason behind the loud voice. Her body shook in nervousness as her feet led her to a slightly ajar door. She stepped a bit closer and peaked through the small open space.

Her cousin Ji-Soo was crying as she held her right cheek with her hand. The tears that tickled down the younger girl’s face almost made Yoona regret her decision to eavesdrop. It was then her eyes travelled to the fuming figure that stood like an angry bull, pointing his angry, blazing eyes at his own daughter.

“Do you see this, Ji-Soo?” The man screeched, holding a stack of papers in her cousin’s face. “This means that someone transferred the property on their name, leaving us with no authorities over ARIA. They took possession of our one of the largest money making revenues in America. Do you know how it could affect our reputation here? Or back home? We will be mocked!”

Yoona griped the door frame a bit harder. She wasn’t surprised at the news, considering the disappearance of the property files was a dead giveaway, but she did feel a bit disappointed though. It doesn’t matter if Lee Enterprise is being controlled by her uncle right now. The company is still part of her family’s legacy. Any losses that it faces, it affected her directly. She had a sense of duty towards it. ARIA was one of the true blessings to their company. It brought a good fortune to them. So, loosing the property was a big disappointment to her.

“Appa, I swear it wasn’t my fault. I had no idea.” The younger girl whimpered as Yoona felt a pang of guilt hit her. She felt an urge to hug the girl. Despite her younger cousin’s hatred towards her, Ji-Soo was still her partially blood sister. Whether she admits it or not, they were related by blood. So, when her uncle raised her hand to hit Ji-Soo again, Yoona’s heart clenched at the sight. She held herself back from entering just in time to see another tall figure blocking the raised hand.

Taemin.

Her oldest cousin. The brother who fiercely loved his sisters except Yoona. He stood over Ji-Soo like a protective tiger.

“It wasn’t her fault.” He said firmly, gazing into the man’s eyes who gave him birth. Yoona bit her lip in silence. She felt jealous that her younger cousin is so lucky to have such a protective brother on her side. It nearly made her miss her dead sister who promised to stay by her side forever too.

“You of all people should know that Ji-Soo would never do this, dad. The files were stolen. It’s not her fault.”

The elder man huffed angrily at his son. He exhaled loudly before returning back to his seat.

Yoona felt a bit awkward standing there. She was about to move away is when her cousin’s next words stopped her.

“I know who did this.” His voice was laced with venom. “I know who stole the papers and sold them to a bidder.” There was a forced silence in the air, before he spoke again. “The Kim Industries.”

A sudden chill went down Yoona’s back. She lost the ability to breathe for a second. It’s been years since she had heard that name.

“Don’t be ridiculous. They all died that night.” Her uncle countered, grumbling to himself.

“No, not them. Their extended family. Kim Minseok.”

Yoona felt her eyes water at the familiar name. Minseok was one of the supposed brother she had when everyone was still alive. He took care of her just like her older sister. But after that night, he never got in contact with her. She figured either the man didn’t know she was alive or he hated her for killing his brothers. Four members from the Kim family died that night. It was enough for anyone to hate her, considering they all died protecting her.

“He’s been inactive for years, son.” The eldest Lee said, resting his head on his chair. Yoona could see Ji-Soo cowering in her spot on the fancy couch. “He’s an emotional mess due to his brothers deaths.”

Guilt hit Yoona like a wave of water. Was the man she considered as her older brother was really messed up due to his brothers deaths? Does that mean he hates her?

“Kim Minseok has been very much involved with everything we have neglected, dad.” Taemin’s voice echoed through the small gap. “He’s been eating off our hands without a blink from us. I just discovered his little projects.” A slam of a heavy folder sounded among the room. “He has been gambling in the mafia since the very beginning, staying under the radar to avoid us. All the projects we have been involved in, his company, Kim industries, has been snagging them one by one. And ARIA is one of them. Even after those little bastards are dead, their family line still continued to dominate us.”

The 26 year old felt her fingers grip the doorframe tightly.

“How far off is he?” There was a thick tension radiating from the room. Everything had gone so quiet suddenly.

“Far enough to topple down the lowest of our rank in the circle.”

The circle. Yoona has heard about them before. A mysterious group of leaders. The term has come up in many of her uncle’s secret conversations when she had accidentally stumble upon them. Like today.

There was a silence in the room before something creeked and the door she was leaning on, swung open, toppling her balance and crashing her down to the floor. She groaned slightly at the pain. That was until someone gripped her hair and dragged her into the room.

She bit onto her lips from screaming out.

“We have a pest here, dad.” Yoona gulped as she recognised the harsh voice of her oldest cousin. Her luck has finally ran out. “Let’s teach her a little lesson.”

Squeezing her eyes shut, she waited for the fateful slap that would grace her cheek... but after a minute of waiting, it never came. She slowly opened her eyes to see what was happening.

Taemin’s raised hand was being blocked off by another arm. The arm that was covered in a stripy grey suit with the finest material known to mankind. Only one person in the family has a taste for rare things. Her uncle.

“Leave her.” Her uncle’s firm voice cut through the thick silence. Both of his children stood gaping at the man. As for Yoona, she was surprised and shocked to hear the words. Lee Sung-Woo has never defended Yoona before. Her uncle was the one who gave his wife and children permission to torment her with verbal, physical and mental abuse. He let them break her down into bits as he watched from his throne quietly, not giving any care to his beaten and bruised niece. So, why now?

“But dad—”

“I said, leave her.” The older man repeated the words with a dark undertone to his voice. His son shivered before dropping his hand to his side. Yoona glanced at her eldest cousin, only to see him glaring at her. Something told her that she was still in the danger zone.

The elder Lee turned to face her, his light brown eyes boring into her dark ones.

“Get up, Yoona. I have a job for you.” He said, giving her a genuine smile that raised red flags in her head. His face showed the kind features he had mastered over the years while his eyes reflected his true intentions towards her.

Still stunned by his words, Yoona didn’t move from her position on the ground. She still sat on her knees, dress ruffled at places and hair pulled out into a messy hodgepodge due to her eldest cousin’s tight grip on her.

A sudden pain enveloped her when the same man applied a bit of strain onto her escaping roots, causing her to whimper softly.

“Don’t push your luck, pest.” She clenched her jaw at his words, holding herself back from bitting at him. It will sign her an eternity of pain if she ever did.

Slowly but surely, the 26 years old beauty picked herself up from the floor. She stood on her feet with shaky legs as her uncle walked back to his leather chair in the middle of the room.

“I won’t ask you how much you have heard because I know you have heard everything.” The male spoke, rubbing his hands together. “And frankly, it’s a good thing you know this now.” Yoona was puzzled by his words. “Do you remember Minseok?” She nodded which earned her a small laugh from him. “He always stuck around you and your sister like a magnet.”

Yoona bit her lips. Was he mocking her?

By now, she has been forcibly pushed onto a chair, across from her uncle’s table.

“Do you know he hates you?” Her body stiffened. “I bet this vendetta he has going on against Lee Enterprise is because of you. I mean, you were the reason for the death of his brothers after all. How can he not hate you?” Yoona felt a chill run down her back at those words. Her chest ached at the idea of Kim Minseok hating on her. She knew he did, but it hurts a lot when someone say that to her directly. “You very well know who was the target that night.” Yes, she knew. Yoona was the target. Lee Yoona and her older sister. The offspring of the current Lee family.

“And you know why he—” Before he could continue, Yoona cut him off with her hand banging on the dark polished table.

“You don’t need to tell me the past because I know what happened.” She hissed, trying to keep her tears at bay. “I know they died because of me. What do you actually want, uncle?”

A sudden pull on her hair was enough to know that his bratty children are acting up again. She could feel the long nails behind this one. It has to be her darling female cousin.

“Let her go, Ji-Soo.”

“But appa...”

“Let. Her. Go.” The younger child growled before letting go of Yoona’s hair. The 26 year old was surprised at the sudden change in her younger cousin’s behaviour. One moment she was crying and the second she’s on her feet like a wild cat, ready to tear her apart.

“What do you want from me?” Yoona demanded after a full minute of silence.

Traces of a faint smile appeared on her uncle’s lips. He pulled something out of his nearest cabinet and slapped it down onto the table infront of her. She stared at it blankly. It was a large yellow envelope about the size of an A4 page.

“I want you to go on a little trip for me. It’s indefinite of course.” He pointed to the envelope. “All your tickets, identity papers and everything else is in that envelope. You are going to be starting a new life. A new name, a new look and a new identity. Congrats Yoona, you are the new executive director of Lee Enterprise for the Korean branch. You’re going back home.”

“What?!” Three different voices in the room screamed, and Yoona was one of them.

“What do you mean?” She asked, stunned at the words he just blurted out.

His children were also looking at him in shock. Ji-soo’s hand was curled around a nearby couch pillow while Taemin’s fist was turning white due to the pressure he was applying on the chair next to Yoona.

The 26 year old flinched when the leather of the chair curved inwards at the raw strength. She looked at her uncle in obvious shock and fear.

“We need a new person to take the position. It been chaotic in our home country. Since you are practically useless to me right now, I have assigned you as the acting head. The position is yours to work with.”

“What—No!” Ji-Soo said in outrage. “That’s my position! How could you just give it to her?”

“I don’t need to explain my reasons to you, Ji-Soo.”

“But appa—” the girl looked appalled at her father.

“Leave my office. Both of you. Now.” The direct order was cold and piercing to his children’s hearts. The man who had never raised his voice on his kids, unless they did something wrong, is choosing their dirty cousin over them.

When Yoona heard the loud slams of the cabin’s door, she lifted her eyes up to the old man.

“Let’s talk in peace, shall we?”

********

Meanwhile, miles away from America and right into the heart of South Korea, a dark figure, clad in the most darkest attire of an assassin, battled his way through a crowd of armed men as his silver blade pierced through their bodies one by one. With each duck and with each stroke of his blade, blood spilled out onto him like splashes of water. The oncoming rain from above hit him like bullets as he rolled on the wet pavement and slashed at yet another men. His clothing that was designed in the most expensive polymer, tightened around his lean figure as he bent, jumped and rolled under various stalls to avoid the oncoming slaughter of the real bullets, aimed directly at his prominent limbs.

“Ya, hyung!” A childish voice whined from behind him. “Hurry up and save me already. I’m hungry!” A young boy said, jingling the silver metal cuffs on his wrist. He was sitting on a nearby stall, sucking onto a lollipop as armed men surrounded him.

The boy was unfazed by the ring leader who tried to make him cower in fear.

“Pali, Pali hyung!” He whined again when the ring leader tried to take away his lollipop. “Ya! You little cockroach, let go of my lollipop or I swear I’ll stuff your butthole with them.”

The assassin who was in the middle of a trio fight, shook his head in annoyance. He bent and rolled on the ground, letting his blade do the work instead.

“Aish.. this kid.” He muttered to himself before throwing one of his trusty knives at the grubby hands of the ring leader. The old, puggy man screeched in pain as his right hand is pierced by a pointy blade in the shape of a Star. “Stay the fuck away from my brother’s lollipop!”

The said brother smiled and continued to suck on the juicy blob of sugar.

Another minute passed, and the assassin’s enemies has decreased in numbers. Bodies piled up the wet pavement as the last of the armed men fell to the ground with a sliced neck. The only one remained was the puggy ring leader and his two trusted men.

“Daebak! Hyung, your awesome!” The younger boy cheered, clapping his cuffed hands together like a teenage Pom Pom girl. His light brown hair also bounced as he jumped up and down.“I feel so proud. My hyung is the best!”

The said hyung scoffed. He has heard that line several times from the younger boy on many different occasions.

“You say the same thing to others, Jungkookie.”

“No, I don’t.” The boy lied, giving the elder a huge, innocent pout. The tongue that has now turned blue due to the lollipop he has been sucking, lapsed around his puffy lips like a little boy. “Pali, Pali! Save me and let’s go for dinner.” He whined again, pouting his lips and widening his doe-eyes.

“Aish...” The said assassin grumbled before raising his sword like a true ninja. He grit his teeth and charged at the last remaining set of men.

A minute later, all three them fell lifelessly on the ground with broken limbs. The younger bunny boy cheered, jumping on the stall like a little kid.

“Yay! Let’s go for hotdogs now!”

The assassin clad in black huffed and wiped his sword clean with his sleeves. He stashed it back into its holster behind him before tugging on his younger brother’s metal cuffs and pulling him off the stall with one hard pull.

The said boy stumbled to his feet before landing on the wet pavement with a thud. His pretty, child-like face turned into a scowl as he felt the rain water seep into his black pants.

“Hyung!” He exclaimed angrily.

“This is the only favour I’m doing for you, Jungkookie” The assassin said in a husky voice as he removed his face mask. He pulled his hood back, revealing a nest of dark orange hair. “Go back home or I’ll dob on you. Next time you get kidnapped by goons, fight your way out. Don’t call me for help.”

“But it’s fun watching you fight.” The boy whined innocently. But he stopped when he noticed his hyung’s narrowed eyes. “Fine. Whatever.”

And with that he pulled himself up on his feet, discarding the metal cuffs on the ground with no help. His hands swiped another lollipop out of his pocket before he skipped away, throwing a simple smirk over his shoulders.

“I swear I’m going to skewer him one day.” The assassin mumbled before shaking his head. Who is he kidding? The bright, sunny angel inside him would never let the dark ninja kill his maknae.

Stupid brotherly bonds.

Tag List: @demonic-meatball, @youtube-obsessed-duh, @trinityautumn, @original-internetmonster, @seoul9711, @jinniesjoon94

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ohgodanothersideblog · 6 years ago

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5 Times Tony Stark Fell Asleep on Someone, and the 2 Times Someone Fell Asleep on Him

@bookeatingworm posted this in a discord we’re a apart of, and I wanted to write it. I hope you guys like it ❤️ any weird format issues I’m sorry, had to post on mobile 😭

Tony Stark didn’t fall asleep next to people. That didn’t change when a certain Sorcerer Supreme became his boyfriend. In fact it almost made the whole thing worse.

“Tony you need to rest.” Stephen sighed, bandaging up the engineers wounds. He had multiple lacerations on his chest and back and probably a few broken ribs. They both sat in the common room, the debrief had already happened, now it was time to patch everyone up.

“I’ll be fine doc, I swear.” Tony said, gently batting at the sorcerers hands. He didn’t need to rest, he needed to make his suit better. Tony attempted to get up but strong arms wrapped around him, pulling him back down onto the couch. He winced at the sudden pressure on his ribs before settling against the taller man behind him.

“How about this; we watch a movie and rest for a bit, if you’re still feeling up to attempting to not listen to me, we can go down to the lab, together?” Stephen offered, kissing the top the smaller mans head. He was going to convince Tony to rest whether the engineer wanted to or not. Tony just sighed and nodded. “Good.” With that, FRIDAY put on a movie without being told. The AI knew what the Doctor was doing and was planning on assisting him as best as she could. Tony was running on 12 hours sleep combined this week. He had a fear of sleeping because of his nightmares. They had been really bad the past few months. He also didn’t want to almost kill Stephen like he had done to Pepper a few years back.

“I can hear you thinking.” Stephen rolled his eyes, carding his shaky fingers through the engineers hair. Tony sighed, it was becoming harder to stay awake between the warm body behind him and the feeling of someone gently massaging his scalp. Soon enough, soft snores could be heard and the sorcerer smiled down at the sleeping figure against him.

It was another nightmare. The wormhole again. Dying again. Only this time he saw Peter and Stephen die too. Stephen tried to wake up Tony. He called in the suit again. Stephen wasn’t hurt, but Tony was shaking.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t--” Tony was cut off by Stephen pulling him into a hug. He sighed, resting his head against the bare clavicle, feeling Stephen run his scarred hands up and down his back.

“I’m not going anywhere, you’re safe.” The sorcerer whispered into Tony’s hair. Stephen pulled Tony back down to the bed and continued to draw small circles along the engineers back.

“Just go back to sleep, it’s okay.” Stephen whispers, Tony sighs and gets comfortable, laying on top of Stephen basically. If it were anyone else, he’d leave. He would go to the lab and stay up until he passed out.

___

Tony was on day four in the lab. He was running on coffee and sheer willpower. He needed to update one of his suits. He was reconfiguring one of the gauntlets that malfunctioned during a fight. Stephen had to patch him up after that fight. He was so absorbed in what he was doing, that he didn’t hear the door to the lab open.

“Tony...c’mon. You’ve been down here for four days.” Stephen sighed at the smaller man who was hunched over one of his work benches. He looked exhausted.

“‘m fine, jus’ need more coffee…” The engineer got up and staggered to the coffee pot. Stephen intercepted him and forced Tony to look at him. His eyes were bloodshot, the bags that were under his eyes were dark, he looked like a wreck.

“You’re going to bed.” Stephen sighed. Tony looked like he was about to argue “Try me, Beyonce.” He glared at the engineer, gently pushing him over towards an open portal.

“I don’t need sleep.” Tony huffed, trying to leave their room, quickly the cloak that was hovering in the corner swaddled the man and laid him on the bed, not retracting from said swaddle. “Asshole.” The cloak smacked him upside the head.

“Your tech can wait, sleep is important.” The doctor was coming out, Tony knew he wouldn’t win this argument.

“I’ll stay...can you please have your cloak let me go?” He asked. Almost instantly the cloak released him and went and settled in the corner. Stephen rolled his eyes and propped himself against some pillows. He began to read silently. Tony laid his head on the sorcerers stomach and soft snores filled the room.

______

“Boss, Peter is entering your bedroom.” FRIDAY’s voice filled the master bedroom. Tony was propped up against some pillows, doing work on his STARK pad. Peter pushed open the door and looked at the engineer sheepishly. He was trembling and looked a little pale.

“Nightmare?” Tony asked, looking at the teen. When Peter nodded, he patted the bed. Peter wasted no time climbing up and leaning into his dad. Normally he went to Stephen for nightmares. But the sorcerer was away on a mission of sorts. He never really had to talk about it with the sorcerer, he always knew what it was about. So they’d snuggle and watch a movie. When he went to Tony about his nightmares, he’d want to know to an extent what the nightmare was about.

“It was the water again.” Peter mumbled. Tony sighed and put down his work and put an arm around the kid, pulling him in a little closer. “Only you didn’t save me.” His voice started to quiver. If Tony could, he’d have squeezed the kid even harder.

“I did save you though. You’re safe. You’re alive.” Tony reassured him softly. Peter wrapped himself around the man and made himself as comfortable as possible. “Don’t use your spider grip on me and we should be good.” Peter just nodded. Tony turned on a movie and relaxed. Normally he would have tried to get the teen to go back to his room, but with Stephen gone for a bit, he was lonely. He began to match his breathing with Peters. Slow and steady. It was causing Tony’s eyes to feel heavy.

Peter looked up at his dad, not realizing he had fallen asleep. His dad never really slept around anyone, aside from Stephen. He was too scared of his own nightmares and of hurting those he loved. At least that’s what Aunt Pepper had told him when he asked. Stephen told him it took months for Tony to fall asleep around him, and it was only because he had gotten hurt during a battle. “Night dad.”

____

It was movie night in the compound. Most of the team was already sprawled out in their select spots. Tony strolled in last second and plopped himself next to Stephen. He leaned into the sorcerer this time. Stephen wrapped an arm around him and kissed the top of his head. Peter, once again, draped himself over both his parents only this time he also grabbed a blanket. Tonight's movie was Clint’s pick: Lord of the Rings.

“Of course Legolas would pick Lord of the Rings.” Tony rolled his eyes, only to be hit in the head with a piece of popcorn. “You’re cleaning up the mess if you keep it up.”

“Children, please.”

“I thought you were on my side!” Tony’s eyes widened with feigned shock. Stephen just smacks him lightly earning a grunt from the engineer.

Once the movie started, Tony settled back against the sorcerer and pulled Peter closer. A small smile played on his lips as he realized this was his family. With that, the engineer willingly fell asleep in a room full of earth's mightiest heroes.

“Is he actually asleep?” Rhodey’s eyes were wide. He hadn’t seen Stark fall asleep in front of anyone since their MIT days, and that was even a rarity back then. The others all stared at the engineer in shock. It was a few moments of silence until someone cleared their throat.

“Wake him, and I’ll kill you.” Stephen glared over at the others. He was terrifying when he needed to be and this was one of those moments. It had taken almost a full year to convince Tony to sleep in the same bed. Now that he was comfortable falling asleep here, in front of all of them, he wasn’t going to have it ruined. The others silently nodded and returned their attention to the movie.

__________

Stephen stumbled through the portal and into the lab. He had a few new cuts and bruises, but overall he was exhausted. He used too much magic and now he needed to sleep. He hated how much his magic could drain him at times. It made it almost impossible for him to do anything. It didn’t help that he had started to try to heal himself. Wong glared at him for that one.

“Stephen!” Tony rushed to his husbands side. He helps the taller man up and they slowly make their way to one of the couches in the lab.

“‘m fine, used all my magic. Sleep.” Stephen mumbled, collapsing on the couch, pulling Tony down with him. Before Tony could move, a soft snore escaped from the sorcerer. Tony chuckles, and settles in against Stephen before eventually falling asleep.

____

Peter was sick. Really sick. Stephen had barely slept the past week because of Peter’s temperature spiking. He ended up in med bay with Peter around 4 AM to put the teen on IV’s with Bruce. Bruce had also drawn some of Peter’s blood to see if he could figure out what was going on. The teen, who normally put up a fight about med bay, didn’t even care that he was there for once. Stephen was just glad that he was finally getting some fluids that he wouldn’t throw back up. Tony had walked in with a cup of coffee and his STARK pad. He’d be able to monitor Peter, while getting work done.Now it was convincing Stephen to get some much needed sleep.

“Steph, go to bed. I’ll stay here with him. I promise.” Tony reassured the worried sorcerer. Ste “I’ll have FRIDAY call you if anything changes.” He added, hoping to convince his husband to go lay down.

“Okay, make sure he stays here. Hopefully it’s a bad flu. Call when Bruce has the results.” Stephen’s sentences were short. Tony nodded, kissing him and then sitting in the chair. He glanced at Peter; he had lost weight, he was white as a ghost, he looked awful. Tony sighed and had FRIDAY put on a Disney movie to help the kid sleep.

“Dad?” Peter asked quietly, causing the engineer to look up. He had some color back and his temperature was maintaining. The teen moved over a little bit. Tony knew what the kid wanted without him even asking, he climbed into the bed and Peter wrapped himself around his dad.

A few hours had passed and Peter was looking more and more like himself. Stephen had woken up, feeling well rested and ready to take care of Peter.

#doctor strange #ironstrange #stephen strange #supremefamily #tony stark #tony stark x stephen strange #peter parker #spider man

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otakucalsama · 5 years ago

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cal’s bella x wolves fic recs

hello! this is cal here (obviously) and i’m just reposting this. i made it a while back, but the links didn’t work, so now i’m redoing it. this time, i’m going to make it smaller, with more posts, instead of larger in one post. so without further ado, here is my bella x the wolves fic recs. also, this is only for completed fics, so if you have a story i didn’t add (that’s complete) send me a link and i’ll read it and then decide whether to add it or not. i will not, however, take any bella x edward, bella x jasper, or bella x jacob fics.

other fic recs here

last updated- 12/2/19

j a r e d x b e l l a

i. firebound by someryn / m / 70-75k, multi-chaptered / complete

After the battle with the newborns, Bella stumbles into an entirely new destiny. She’d thought she’d already made all the hard decisions. Now she doesn’t know if her world is falling apart or finally falling together. Bella/Jared.

ii. she belongs with me by booksteaandcake13 / m / 70-75k, multi-chaptered / complete

A fan fiction about the imprinting on Bella by Jared. When Bella goes looking for Jake, she meets Jared instead. How do they make their relationship work, and how does Jacob deal with it? Will Jacob find a new romance?

iii. a difficult choice by nefertel / t / 25-30k, multi-chaptered / complete

Bella breaks free from Edward to visit Jacob but something happens that no one expected. What will happen to Bella and Edward. BXJ pairing. Rated T for now may change to M.

iv. seven days by lilyaurora / m / 2-3k, one-shot / complete

“Please. I’m begging, just… just talk to me. Please.” His heart ached as he watched her eyes fill with unshed tears. Her long, beautiful hair moved fluidly as she shook her head in reply, not trusting her voice. He reached towards her, wanting to comfort her. But she pulled away, a gasp on her plump lips, eyes wide

v. the man who can’t be moved by vampirefairy13 / t / 10-15k, two-shot / complete

Songfic. Despite being imprinted on by Jared, Bella chooses another, his sworn enemy. When all his previous attempts to change Bella’s mind fail he is forced to wait where they first met hoping she will come to her senses. But what if it’s too late?

p a u l x b e l l a

i. no more secrets by just lil ole t / m / >1k, one-shot / complete

Paul loves a challenge and she definitely fits that bill! AU, ONE SHOT!, Rated M mostly for language

ii. redemption by khyharah / t / 35-40k, multi-chaptered / complete

Redemption can come in many forms. For some, it’s finding the light at the end of the tunnel. For me? It came in two forms: a red-haired vampire out for vengeance and a 6'4", copper skinned man….. No man isn’t right. GOD would be closer. Oh, and he just happens to turn into a giant wolf and kills vampires. But really, that’s just a bonus.

iii. holy crow by geezerwrench / m / 15-20k, multi-chaptered / complete

The feather Paul found was a confirmation of what he already knew. Bella is the imprint he requires, but maybe he’s just what Bella truly needs. Written for Afke in the 2014 2nd Annual Tricky Raven Author/Artist Silent Auction. AU. Paul Lahote, Bella Swan

iv. hot headed angel by obsidian stained roses / t / 25-30k, multi-chaptered / complete

IMPRINT STORY: After Edward left, I couldn’t function. I didn’t think I’d ever move on with my life. I was trying for Charlie and Jacob; but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t good enough for anyone; I just wanted Edward. It wasn’t a life without him. But life has purpose, and after Jacob broke his promise, I found my purpose. I had someone to live for. I had Paul. P/B A/U OOC

v. life in la push by ifeelittoo / k+ / 20-25k, multi-chaptered / complete

What if Charlie had lived in La Push? Bella moves in with him, and everything goes down differently. Will Bella still fall for Edward? Or will a member of the pack appeal to her?

vi. listening to your heart beating by kaialuna / m / 3-4k, one-shot / complete

A little one shot trying to get my writing back after a long setback. Paul finds and imprints on Bella in the woods after Edward leaves. Can she be healed by the quiet warmth of his presence and the gentle thrum of his heart beat.

vii. hearts in sync by untamed loner / m / 30-35k, multi-chaptered / complete / sequel- hearts ever right

When Charlie gets called away to testify, Bella moves to La Push where she meets Paul. It doesn’t take long for the two to form a bond unlike any other. As Paul convinces her to talk about her past, it becomes clear. She was always meant to be HIS.

viii. harmonic convergence by nostalgicmiss / m / 90-95k, multi-chaptered / complete

When Bella comes to stay with Charlie, his first inclination is to keep her away from the vampires and send her to school on the Reservation where she’ll be protected. Her life changes forever when bad boy Paul comes out to play. A/U, BxP, Rated M

ix. big bad wolf by kaialuna / m / 10-15k, one shot / complete

A slap derails Bella’s life. She’d never hit someone before, ever. Now all she can think about is Paul. Odd little one shot. Not my best writing but thought I’d post it anyways.

x. shades of the past by mysteriouslyme / m / 3-4k, one-shot / complete

When he left, she was left broken. When the world was left devoid of warmth, he defrosted her frozen sheilds of self preservation, helping her piece back together what she had forgotten.

xi. paul’s girl by sweetashuney / m / 50-55k, multi-chaptered / complete

Takes place in New Moon. After Paul imprints on Bella they become close. But how will they fare when the Cullen Family comes back? Will Paul be able to keep Bella’s heart or does she still belong to a vampire? M for lemons and language.

xii. poisoned love by 9poisonivy9 / m / 45-50k, multi-chaptered / complete

What if, when Jake took Bella to meet Sam and the others, Paul imprinted on her. Can Paul fix Bella or will she be the broken girl forever? And will their love survive the newborns and Victoria?

xiii. somewhere i belong by juxtaposed92 / m / 55-60k, multi-chaptered / complete

Bella ran away from an abusive relationship and who should she run into other then the pack? She falls in love with Paul, who has in fact imprinted on her, as they all try and help her escape her dangerous ex.

xiv. my savior by teamjacobrulez / m / 30-35k, multi-chaptered / complete

In the midst of her near death, he was the only one who was there to save her. When everyone else had abandoned her, he was the one who came to give her comfort. When no one else loved her, he did. After suffering a bad heartbreak, can she love again?

xv. believe by bexxyy / t / 3-4k, one-shot / complete

When the wolves are in trouble, a former legend comes to life. All Bella can do is sit and wait but sometimes you can see more than you believe from the sidelines, based on the Quileute legend about the Thunderbird.

s e t h x b e l l a

i. the clearwater solution by shadowpast620 / m / 6-7k, one-shot / complete

Seth does what no one else has been able to do – stop Bella from marrying Edward.

ii. unintended by jasper’sdarlinbunny / k / 1-2k, one-shot / complete

Set during New Moon. A little Oneshot about Seth/Bella and a little thing called Imprinting!

iii. tradition by notashamedtobe / m / 7-8k, one-shot / complete

Some traditions change with time, only to get better. This is an entry from the Tricky Raven’s winter contest. It also checks off my desire to write Bella with all the wolves, minus Colin and Brady. I might add to it later on, but it’s done as of right now.

q u i l x b e l l a

i. closure by lilyaurora / t / 2-3k, one-shot / complete

Some Fluffy Fluff lol

ii. promise me by just lil ole t / k+ / 4-5k, one-shot / complete

What if Bella and Quil grew up as life long friends? How would their lives have turned out? AU, Rated K, ONE SHOT, This piece won Third Place in Tricky Raven’s Twitterpated in Springtime One Shot Competition! :D

iii. walking away by betterintexas / m / 6-7k, one-shot / complete

A different take on the Breaking Dawn wedding. What could have been. Entry to the Tricky Raven Silent Auction. Prompt provided by GeezerWench.

iv. love in an elevator by lilyaurora / m / 5-6k, one-shot / complete / sequel- be mine bella

“Quil!…I swear to god if you press another button on that panel, I’m gonna kick you right where it hurts!”

v. i’m yours by pengins.are.lovely / t / 40-45k, multi-chaptered / complete

After Jake ditched them both, Quil and Bella strike up a friendship, which turns into something more.

vi. that’s not what i expected by carliecullenblack by just a kiss contest / t / 6-7k, one-shot / complete

ENTRY FOR THE JUST A KISS CONTEST: Jake sends Bella away in New Moon after he first phases and Quil finds her crying and upset. The two connect over the loss of their friend in an unexpected way.

vii. i’ve always loved you by knblair86 / 40-45k, multi-chaptered / complete

Imprint Story! After Jake gets ‘sick’, Bella starts hanging out with Quil. How will they help each other heal? What happens when the Cullen’s come back to town and Will Victoria finally get her revenge? Please give it a chance!

viii. well ain’t that something by wolfpull85 / t / 3-4k, one-shot / complete

Bella goes to La Push to confront Jake after he disappears but finds his friend instead and a whole world she didn’t expect opens up.

e m b r y x b e l l a

i. gettin’ game by just lil ole t / k / 1-2k, one-shot / complete

Embry’s struggling to find his game…to catch his girl. He goes to his best source of manly advice for some suggestions. ONE SHOT!, AU

ii. brown sugar by geezerwrench / t / >1k, one-shot / complete

Looking at her, he realized he didn’t really want to know the answer after all—to either question. Perhaps later he would, but right then, in that moment, it didn’t matter. Written for the Tricky Raven Weekly Fanfiction Flash Fic challenge prompt #36. AU Embry Call, Bella Swan

iii. how do i love thee? by chrissihr / m / 2-3k, one-shot / complete

AU: Embry and Bella are lying in bed one lazy summer Saturday morning, basking in the sunshine pouring through the slats of the blinds like cats in a sun puddle as Embry recites “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…” and shows her. Pairing prompt provided by Afke Deen for the 2nd Annual Tricky Raven Author & Artist Silent Auction. One-shot, COMPLETE.

iv. bella on ice by kookykatie / t / 3-4k, one-shot / complete

Set in New Moon, in February. Bella is moving on with her life after Edward left and has taken to Jacob and his pack of friends. They can get her to do many things she wouldn’t normally do, and they take advantage of that in this particular story. Embry/Bella pairing, Jacob only loves Bella as a best friend.

v. bella’s insecurities by sfj0813 / t / 1-2k, one-shot / complete

Bella thinks she’s not good enough for Embry. Oneshot

l e a h x b e l l a

i. lost and found by sophieangel69 / m / 1-2k, two-shot / complete

After Edward leaves her Bella bumps into Victoria but is then saved by a passing werewolf. (Dub-con) Challenge

ii. magic on the cliffs by whitewolflegend / t / 1-2k, one-shot / complete

“Am I so horrible that no one will want me?” she whispers to the she wolf after a few minutes of silence. Leah held back another snarl and cursed Jacob in her mind before pulling back so she could look Bella in her eyes for the first time. Gasping as she felt the world around her shift and latch onto the woman crying in front of her, nothing mattered but her.

iii. moonlight sonata by izzyiniguez / t / 6-7k, one-shot / complete

Bella/Leah. Leah imprinted and kept it to herself, eventually the wolf will be let out of the bag.

iv. acceptance by mskathy / m / 7-8k, one-shot / complete

Written for the TwiSlash Unveiled Femme Slash Contest - Leah struggles with her self-identity and Bella just wants someone to love. When Alice sets them up on a blind date, they each find more than they had hoped for in each other. Lemons, femme slash.

v. secrets of the heart by sparklingfae / m / 2-3k, one-shot / complete

She was tired of waiting..tonight was the night that she would reveal the truth to her imprint. FemmeSlash warning.

b r a d y x b e l l a

i. all for you by welsharcher / t / 50-55k, multi-chaptered / complete

The meeting with the wolves didn’t go quite as everyone had planned. Especially not when a wolf imprints on Bella. Bella/Brady.

#twilight #twilight fic recs #bella fic recs #bella swan #twilight wolf pack #jared cameron #bella x jared #paul lahote #bella x paul #seth clearwater #bella x seth #quil ateara #bella x quil #embry call #bella x embry #leah clearwater #bella x leah #brady fuller #bella x brady

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that-nonbinary-ass · 5 years ago

Text

Stars

I got the inspiration from an avengers oneshot

Have some patton angst

1 year before death

Dear diary: I believe that stars shine brighter when your about to die i had always believed that, but now that i am actually closer to death then ever before, nothing could be more true

Only 2 days ago i found out that i have an undiscovered disease that could kill me very soon if they don't find a cure. I have surprisingly come to terms and accepted the fact that I might die, it's not like I want to die, but I guess there is no way to avoid it, I just have to hope that they find a cure so i don't have to die

I'm not going to tell anyone yet, not until its definite that im going to die or not. I really hope I don't die because virgil (my boyfriend) his mum died the other day and I don't want to hurt him even more

The doctors don't know how fast this disease will kill me or how fast its spreading

Patton~

11 months before death

Dear diary: The doctors haven't said anything about my illness yet, but that's fine, I believe they are doing their best!

I think the others notice i'm acting more secretive lately, i need to learn how to act better. Every time they come up to me and ask what's wrong i just assure them that i'm all good

Is it good to lie to them? Am I being mean by not telling them? Or am i just sparing their feelings?

Patton~

9 months before death

Dear diary: The doctors still haven't said anythig but im not giving up hope, I believe they can do it

I think ive finally managed to convince the others that i'm fine because they have stopped asking me but they do have this weird look in their eyes when they see me

Me and virgil went on a date last night and we had loads of fun. We went bowling then we went to the super fancy restaurant across the road then we went to the arcade and played games till about 2am. I don't think im going to tell him yet ...I don't want to hurt him

Patton~

8 months before death

Dear diary: I refuse to give up hope, so what if the doctors haven't gotten back to me yet, maybe they're still too busy with the medicine, but I am having doubts, I want to believe that they are trying to help me.

The others are starting to get worried about me but I always tell them to not worry, they don't believe me though, I think their thinking of getting me to the doctor to see whats wrong. I don't know what to do because I don't want them to know, I don't want them to pity or treat me any differently then I am now.

Now days my gut always feels weird, like im always sick, it's a little worrying but i have to push through and look after my kiddos and boyfriend

It's a bit like acting now, i always have to act ok, like my gut isn't telling me to stop what im doing. Oh well, I hope the doctors find a cure soon

Patton~

6 months before death

Dear diary: Things are starting to get bad, it has gotten harder to breath and i now have blood patches showing up on my skin on my stomach, I always feel like im going to throw up and it's making it really hard to sleep at night. I went to the doctors to ask what's happening, they said that my stomach was internally bleeding and that they are trying really hard to find a cure. I really hope they do because i'm getting really scared, i don't want to die

I’ve started going out at night and looking up at the stars just admiring their beauty. Any day now feels like my last day, and that just makes me appreciate the memories more, i try not to cry but it's so hard, the thought of leaving life and making your loved ones hurt, its heartbreaking

I still haven't told anyone, i don't want to worry them but i will have to soon because i don't want to die and them not to know how i did

Patton~

4 months before death

Dear diary: Everything has gotten hard. breathing, eating, sleeping, talking and even walking, it sucks, i think i might tell someone soon. They all know there is something wrong with me. I've got blood patches all over my skin i am always sleep deprived and pale.

I think i’ll tell virgil, i know that he is the most anxious but i trust him the most, he is my boyfriend after all

It's all very scary. Not knowing what will happen. What it's like after you die, i feel like i've given up hope on the cure. I should just accept death and move on, but I can't, it's not that easy, i wish it was though

Patton~

2 months before death

Dear diary: I told them all a month ago. I told virgil first he sat there and stared off into space with constant tears in his eyes and traveling down his face, he looked so heartbroken. After about 3 minutes he tackled me into a hug and sobbed into my shirt

I told roman next he instantly started sobbing and hugging me. He kept telling me he didn't want me to go. I told him I didn't either but it was inevitable.

I told logan last, he looked at me and did the unexpected he started crying. The emotionless logan started crying. He hugged me and told me that they will all look after me until the final day

It makes me feel so happy that they are all there for me

After I told them all we went out and layed on the grass looking at the stars talking about past memories and how it all changed. I eventually fell asleep outside with them

Patton~

1 month before death

Dear diary: I am basically bed-ridden. I can hardly walk anymore and i makes me so sad that I have to rely on the others to do my things for me

Nowadays I'm always in pain. Just moving my arm up brings me immense pain, like someone is repeatedly stabbing my arm or burning it over a naked flame. It's not fair what did I do to deserve this? Nothing that's what. The universe is just cruel. Making people go through pain any form of pain is mean

The doctors said that they won’t be able to find the cure fast enough to give it to me and let me live they said they were very sorry. Them telling me that put it all into perspective. I'm going to die. And that fact is absolutely terrifying. I cry myself to sleep each night because im that scared

Patton~

Death day

Dear diary… Today is the day, I can feel it. I'm going to die today. I've gone back and marked the dates of my previous entries, I've written my goodbye notes and im now ready to go with the people I love around me I have accepted the fact that I will die. But it won't be a peaceful death. It's going to be painful, well i think it is because thats what im feeling right now, pain, more then ever before, it feels like my body is being ripped open and chopped into tiny pieces and i can feel it all. Its torture.

So here I lie under the stars with all my loved ones watching them as they sparkled in the sky. I felt my end coming closer as i watched on and i can prove the theory that stars do shine brighter as your about to die.

They looked like a million little fireflies in the sky and it was hypnotizing making me forget everything that has happened over the past year, if only for a second.

If you're logan roman or virgil reading this after I die. Just remember i love you so so much

Goodbye

Patton~

Virgil finished reading patton's diary and he felt so empty. it's been a whole year since patton had past and he was going through his old stuff when he stumbled across patton's diary, he read it and felt so bad, he didn't know the pain patton was going through, he hid it well, tears fell down his face as he thought of all the good times they had together, all the late night cuddles, all the cookies and baking lessons, everything and virgil missed it all, pattons smile, his laugh, the way he stumbled over his words when he was nervous. But he was gone and he couldn't bring him back, no matter how hard he tried.

He closed the book and put it back in the box, got up and went outside and curled up in patton’s sweater and fell asleep under the stars, thinking that patton was up there watching over him, like his own guardian angel.

But all he wanted was patton back

But The universe doesn't always give you what you want.

#patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #sanders sides #thomas sanders #duke sanders #princey sanders #anxiety sanders #remus sanders #morality #anxitey #creativity #logic #moxiety

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hinabes · 6 years ago

Photo

American Corn Bread’s Backstory

A story of war and ideals.

I. Cause and Effect

A horn sounds in the camp as the troops return from marching and battling to rest.

Some soldiers were idly chatting, huddled up at a haystack near the tents, others reading their loved ones’ letters and well wishes over again, thankful that they’ve survived another day.

Even under the constant threat of Fallen Angels, this war between humans of Gloriville and Palata has lasted 4 years and counting.

“You probably won’t get it, little girl, for their desires, humans are willing to do anything and everything.”

“Not ‘little girl’, I’m a Food Soul!”

Knowing I couldn’t come up with an answer to such a complex conundrum, I refuted what I could. Of course, this old man with a face full of beard seemed of no help to me.

He’s been a soldier since the very beginning of the war, he’s an extremely reliable veteran to the troops, and he’s the only human I can strike up a conversation with, the only human I can call a friend.

“Hahaha, standing strong in the face of adversary is great and all, but I still can’t believe it. It’s come to the point that Food Souls are being sent out onto the battlefield, if we humans keep wasting away like this, there’s really no hope for the future anymore.”

“You shut it, looks to me that you’re having fun!”

Originally, I was added to the troops in hopes of aiding the humans in battle, but I couldn’t predict who the enemy would be. Finding out the enemies are also humans, knowing that nothing will come of humans battling like this, I didn’t know what to think… But whatever, just gotta fight!

“There’s nothing on the line for you Food Souls, but to humans, this is far from the end, why else would anyone put their lives in line of fire for no clear reason?”

“I really don’t care much, but isn’t the top priority keeping humanity alive right now? If you stop this war and let me battle Fallen Angels, I’d be much more obliged, why not?”

“Until the desired outcome of the higher-ups is achieved, nothing will change.”

“What about you? All these years, what were they for?”

Beardy paused, looking at me with an expression of helplessness.

“It’s quite unrealistic, I’m fighting for peace, but perhaps that ideal can only be achieved once this all ends.”

Humans and their ideals are extremely interesting to us Food Souls and his words were a motivation for me as well, but that ideal was truly quite impossible to achieve.

In coming battles, my bearded friend was killed in action, and the only thing he left behind was a letter from his daughter, wishing for him to return home soon.

II. Foolish Humans

The enemy soldier who killed Beardy was quickly captured by me. To humans, the power of us Food Souls rival the Fallen Angels. Unless there are the restraints of a contract, they stand no chance against one. That’s why this tied up Palatian could do no more than glare.

“Gloriville bastards, I’ll kill you all!”

If I were human, I’d have torn the guy limb from limb to avenge Beardy, but really, what I was feeling was more like confusion and annoyance.

Wham!

I slapped him on the face and he got even more agitated, all sorts of unacceptable expletives by human standards bursting out of his guzzler like he’s trying to drown someone with spit alone.

I blessed him with another slap to the face with every retort, and he only stopped when he felt his face get swollen, unwilling to invite more pain.

“Anything else?”

“......”

“Pointless killing on the battlefield… It probably seems natural to humans, but I’m quite sick of it at this point.”

“These past four years, countless men have given their lives to the war, and even more have died to the unexpected Fallen Angel occurrences, to this extent…”

Observing his malicious glare, I asked something that’s been on my mind for a long time.

“Why can’t the war just end and the two countries ally against Fallen Angels?”

“You want an alliance? How naive, as if it’s anything like your simple thinking…”

“You humans pride yourselves on your intelligence, and I can’t do anything about whatever motivations and desires you have behind fighting, nor do I care much, but you humans are still having this petty war on the brink of extinction, you guys are really so dumb it’s hilarious!”

“What would a Food Soul know!?”

Agitated by my words, eyes wide, he glared at me, refuting with a meaningless argument, unable to do anything more while tied up.

“I don’t need to know anything, we exist just to protect you, protect humans, and we fight till the end with that goal, but you humans don’t ever think that. Food Souls exist to exterminate Fallen Angels, not humans! I can’t believe it’d take a catastrophe for you people to realize something so simple!”

The Palatian said no more, but disgust was still written all over his face. I was going to punish him, but now I’ve lost interest too after saying all that.

Pulling out my knife, I cut the ropes binding him and stepped back.

“... You can go.”

“You’re letting me go? You think I’ll be thankful for this?”

“Awful lot of complaints you’ve got!”

He only turned around to escape once I raised my hand in preparation for another slap to the face. Only when I returned to camp did I find out he was a child of the Palata Sage King.

III. Enemy Troops

Capturing anyone wasn’t going to change the course of the war that’s been set to continue. As for the humans’ fratricidal war, I still had my own concerns.

At sunrise that day, the camp was assaulted again, unfortunately by the humans’ least desired enemy: Fallen Angels.

The transport line between the capital and the frontlines has been compromised by Fallen Angels, as confirmed by the Fallen Angels attacking from the line’s direction.

In the commotion, some other Food Souls at the camp and I defeated some, but the situation worsened and more Fallen Angels kept pouring in, keeping even me on my toes.

“Abandon the camp, let’s retreat!”

The camp commander got on his steed, directing the troops to escape in another direction. Just then the shaking of the earth grabbed everyone’s attention, and a cloud of dust moved steadily closer from Palata’s direction.

“Dammit, Palata’s taking advantage of this! The majority of you deal with the Fallen Angels, the rest of you get ready for battle!”

“Wait!”

As soon the commander gave the order, I noticed the incoming troops holding white flags high and interrupted him. Even before he had the chance to question the interruption, the Palata soldiers arrived, one of the leaders being the prince I beat up.

“......”

Still on opposing sides, he glared menacingly at the soldiers crowded around and ready to attack, then looked at me.

“I take you’ve thought it through?”

I asked, feeling a smirk tug at my lips as he put on an expression of humiliation, lifted his sword, and answered.

“Target the Fallen Angels, attack!”

IV. Alliance

With the aid of the Palatian troops against the Fallen Angels, stress on our side was greatly reduced, turning the tables on them finally and emerging victorious.

Later, the Palatian prince seemed unwilling to converse with war enemies of four years, and it was up to me to talk to him.

“I gotta say, you’re a good fighter.”

Seeing his eyes glued to the ground after getting off his steed, I took the initiative.

“I got a message from an aide… Father’s condition has deteriorated, it was originally planned for my elder brother to take the throne, but he was framed by a piece of trash of a younger brother and killed himself, and the piece of trash became the crown prince.”

“... And then?”

“I thought that elder brother would become king after the war ends, and Palata will be able to stand its ground against Fallen Angels, but now… everything’s a mess.”

“I suppose you were right, even if this battle ended, there would still be this pointless internal warfare… Compared to fighting each man for himself then be inevitably obliterated by Fallen Angels, I’d rather do something more meaningful.”

“Oh, hahaha! Ain’t that it then, since we’re gonna fight, let’s point our weapons at the right enemies. Good that you get it, and there’s hope for this war to end now!”

The prince finally smiled slightly.

“I didn’t expect I’d be praised by a Food Soul… but yes, it’s about time for this war to end. However, it won’t be enough that just I myself agree, and this support mission was just my idea alone too.”

“I believe that we’ll be able to ally together, but I do have to settle that stuff at home first.”

“Oh, best of luck to you!”

In the distance, the prince’s troops began assembling, and the prince left on his steed to rejoin them.

“I hope that someday we’ll be on the same side of a battle, and I believe it’s soon!”

V. American Corn Bread

“And that’s what happened.”

American Corn Bread leaned on the countertop, head leaned against one hand, concluding her past adventures and looked at her Master Attendant.

“So that’s why?”

“Of course, with no more worries, it was like a weight was lifted off my chest, absolutely amazing!”

“I thought you were this airheaded because of unrequited love or something.”

“Are you questioning my affection for you!?”

Seeing her reach for her gun, her Master Attendant quickly changed the topic.

“S-Speaking of which, what about the prince?”

“The prince… I haven’t heard from him since, but either way, the war did end.”

Unquestionably, peace within humanity was American Corn Bread’s greatest desire.

“But even now, Gloriville hasn’t formed an alliance with Palata, it’s a pity.”

“I did all I could back then, for this bothersome mess to improve, you humans have to take the initiative.”

“What about you?”

“Me? Of course, I’m sticking with you, Boss, I’ll go out to battle for you without a care!”

Like a silent agreement, American Corn Bread smiled and gave her Master Attendant a punch, the latter falling over weakly, but that’s beside the point.

#food fantasy #ff american corn bread #doing laba next

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fidothefinch · 6 years ago

Text

The Breaking Light

For Dick and Dami Week 2019, Day 4: Music Mild warning for swearing.

Read on Ao3

Damian cracked the door open slowly. He had grown used to the room being unoccupied, but it had never felt so empty.

He remembered the room as one of the sunniest; it was situated at the corner and had three windows that flooded the room with light. But the curtains had not been pulled back for days now. Damian squint in the dark, making out the blurry shapes of furniture. His hand grappled against the wall for the light switch—he wasn’t usually the one to turn them on, so he wasn’t sure of its exact location.

The lights came on, revealing that the odd shape of the furniture was caused by the clothes tossed over their surfaces. Damian took a deep breath. The sight should have made the room more homey, but it only made its disuse more obvious.

Zitka, Grayson’s stuffed elephant, was on a shelf in the bedside table. Pennyworth had sent him to fetch it, but Damian was skeptical it would help.

The plush carpet dampened his footsteps as he made his way toward the bed. It was unmade, covers flipped back and one pillow on the floor. Damian scoffed. Typical of Grayson; he could easily picture the man rolling out of bed in his morning haze. Pennyworth clearly hadn’t been here since.

But then, the butler had other things on his mind.

The stuffed elephant was exactly where it was supposed to be. But it was another item that caught his eye. He hastily changed his goal, hand wrapping instead around the music box.

It was small, and simple for what his Father’s money could buy. The base was a small circle, on top of which an elephant and small dancer in a pink tutu travelled. Four tiny brass rods held up a striped red-and-white circus tent ceiling, from which hung two trapeze with a smiling man and woman on each. At the top of the circus tent was a brass flag, the metal discolored from years of use.

Damian carefully twisted the flag clockwise, just a few clicks, to listen to the melody. The elephant and dancer spun around with the platform and the trapezes swung back and forth gracefully, but Damian understood it was the music that caught young Grayson’s attention.

The musical dings were slightly off-pitch, but it was a tune he was familiar with. He heard it drifting through Grayson’s door, when a night had been bad. The man had also played it for him, several times, when he was sick or plagued with nightmares.

He’d fly through the air with the greatest of ease. . . the melody suggested.

Grayson had said his mother would sing it to him when he was little. That she had had the most beautiful voice, and that she would sing the songs she grew up with in Europe, like “Nani, Nani,” and the lullabies she had learned later, like “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” But Grayson’s favorite had been this one, because it was the one they had learned together.

That daring young man on the fly—

The music box slowed to a halt before it finished the phrase. The ensuing silence was heavy. Damian moved to put the music box back where he had found it, but paused.

If Grayson ever needed this song, now was the time.

The Cave was cold. Damian grabbed an extra blanket on his way to the med bay. Grayson would catch a chill; Pennyworth had suggested moving him to his room if he didn’t wake before the day ended.

Damian pulled the rolling counter closer to the cot, careful not to tangle the wheels in the wires and tubes resting against the floor.

The pulse on the heart monitor sped up as he got closer. Damian ignored it, placing the music box just so on the table. Only then did he raise his eyes to the figure in the bed.

Grayson stared back, eyes narrowed in hate. “I was hoping you wouldn’t come back this time.”

Damian averted his eyes again. He used the blanket as an excuse, throwing it up and over Grayson’s restrained body. “Let me go,” his mentor growled. “And I’ll show mercy. I’ll kill you quickly.” He punctuated the last word with a thrash of his hands, tied to the cot with padded restraints.

Damian checked the IV. Dick hadn’t managed to pull it out again. Satisfied, Damian tucked the blanket in around the straps.

Dick hissed. “You little bastard! When I get out of here, I’m going to eviscerate you!”

Damian shrugged. “You will not be freed until you’re better.”

Dick laughed, but it wasn’t Grayson’s laugh. It was darker. “That’s the secret, little bird. There’s nothing wrong with me. This is how I’ve always felt.”

Damian frowned. “You do not even know my name.”

Grayson scowled, his eyes heating up again. “You’re Robin.”

“My real name.”

“Why would I bother—”

“You tried to kill me on patrol. You’re not yourself—”

“I just got fed up with you. I finally had the guts to do what I should have done from the start.”

Damian’s face remained stony. “Very well.” He sat in the chair by the cot.

Dick’s eyes glinted. “Is this an invitation to kill you? Because you forgot to untie me first.”

Damian shifted in his seat, sinking into the slightly-comfortable posture he had found from hours of recent practice. He didn’t reply.

“It’s been three days, Robin. This is permanent. This is who I am, who I was all along. No matter how long you wait in that chair, nothing is going to change.”

“Tt.” Damian focused on letting the words roll off his back. This couldn’t be permanent. (He dismissed the larger part of his mind, which insisted he must prepare for the worst-case scenario). “I brought something for you.”

“Unless it’s a weapon, I’m not interested.”

Damian frowned. Grayson hadn’t even looked at the music box; his eyes had skimmed over it without a trace of recognition.

Still, with a seed of hope, he twisted the little flag back several clicks and released it. The melody came out soft, echoing off the Cave walls with an eerie quality. Damian searched for a twitch of acknowledgement, even glanced at the vitals to look for a change.

Grayson glared past the contraption at Damian, unblinking.

After a long minute, Damian lowered his eyes. “You don’t recognize it.”

Dick laughed. “This children’s toy?”

Damian looked away, listening to the last few beats of music before it died again.

Damian was tired. The Manor was too quiet, except for the sound of his older brother, having figured out their bedrooms were next to one another, screaming at him through the walls between rounds of sedatives. He had lined the walls with sound-deadening materials, but he could still make out the words.

“It hurts! For fuck’s sake, let me go! Robin!”

Grayson had switched tactics after realizing it got more of a reaction out of him.

Damian’s heart was heavy, but his fingers thrummed with the need to do something. Drown out the noise. His violin was sitting on its stand in the corner of his room, next to the music he had been learning. He hadn’t touched the instrument in days, since the whole debacle started.

Mother would be disappointed.

He lifted the familiar weight and rested it on his shoulder. When he finished tuning, he was at loss what to play. The piece he had been learning was complicated, and he didn’t feel like tackling anything difficult.

“Robin, please!”

Damian abruptly ran the bow across the strings, making an awful shrill sound. The new noise only made the voice pause, and then the volume increased. “You little shit, let me out of here!”

Damian took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and focused on the feel of his bow gliding across the instrument. He played an old piece, something far below his skill level. It sounded different to his more experienced ears, now.

He rocked in tempo with the melody, letting the sound wash over him and drown out the sound of his brother next door. It was a slow build in a minor key, and Damian had never felt its message so clearly or deeply. He drew each note out, adding a tasteful amount of vibrato at the end of each.

When he reached the end, he immediately transitioned into another piece, something he had taught himself by ear from recordings of the masters. When that was through, he turned to a fast piece that required incredible speed and stamina.

When he finished the last note, he dropped his burning arms slowly. Sweat was dripping down his back and forehead, and his breath was loud and heavy in the ensuing silence.

Silence.

Damian bolted out his door, not wasting time to set his instrument down. If Grayson had escaped, the first person he would attack would be Alfred, who was clearly the easier target. But when he threw Richard’s door open, the man was there, resting in his cot.

Damian held his breath. “Richard?”

The man turned his head. His eyes opened, and they were soft and round like Damian remembered. He smiled.

“Damian.”

#dickanddamiweek2019 #dick grayson #damian wayne #fido writes #finch's fics #batfam

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doctor-spencer-ried · 6 years ago

Text

Just a Crush (IV)

Pairing: Spencer Reid X Reader

Hanahaki Disease AU

Summary: You end up making a great discovery that pushes the case forward. Or at least, you think it will.

Warning: blood, illness

Masterlist ~ Part 4 (Word count: 1671)

A/N: My knowledge of behavioral analysis is limited to this show and my Forensic class, so there may be holes and incorrect analysis.

~~~

Sleep will help. You’ll get some sleep and then wake up ready to work. No problem. That’s all you need. It’s just a cough after all.

It’s not. You were wrong, so wrong.

You hands shake as you wipe at your lips, your chin, your cheeks. It doesn’t help, just smears the crimson across your pale skin. With labored breath, you look down towards the hotel sink. Blood drips down the white porcelain. Your blood. It pools in the basin.

Among the blood lies something that makes fear tingle through your heart. A single, delicate white rose petal. Its pure color is stained with that goresome crimson.

It was never supposed to happen to you. You've heard of the cases. It’s not rare, but also not common. You barely know anything about it, but you know it’s bad. Fatal.

It’s called Hanahaki Disease.

You shakily step out of the bathroom and shut the door behind you. Your entire body aches, your mind struggling to wrap around what is happening. Your legs give out from under you once you reach the bed. With a groan, you drag yourself to the middle of the mattress and curl up, arms wrapping around your stomach.

Anxiety overcomes you as your thoughts run rampant. What if you get fired? They could force you to leave the BAU until you get the issue under control. How do you even do that? You remember there’s some kind of surgery to cure it, but the repercussions were lengthy. You hadn’t bothered to read them.

You rub your eyes harshly, trying to banish the thoughts. You would rather focus on the cause.

Hanahaki disease, an illness caused by unrequited love.

You can’t brush it aside as a tiny crush now it seems. You almost want to laugh at the bitter fate life has planned for you. You pushed it aside every time, always dismissed the emotions that swelled in your heart at the sight of him.

Now you have to face it. It’s useless denying it.

You’re in love with Doctor Spencer Reid.

And he doesn’t love you back.

---

It’s the next day when the team comes to visit you. You cleaned the bathroom, getting rid of the evidence of your sickness, and did some research on it late into the night. A poor choice really, considering it made the dark circles under your eyes more prominent. Your really getting sick of the concerned looks they earn you, though.

“Why didn’t you go to the hospital, (l/n)?” Hotch asks from the foot of your bed, looking ticked, but yet again, that’s how he always looks.

“Because I’m fine,” you insist for the billionth time, blatantly lying through your teeth, “It was just all the fumes and stuff.”

“You had a panic attack, (y/n).” Forget you Morgan.

“Forgive me if the scene was a bit graphic for my tired mind,” you bite out sarcastically.

“I’m taking you off the case until you’re better.”

“What? No!” You protest, shooting up in your bed, “I’m the one who started the profile and research on this case! I’m not dropping it because of a little cough!”

You know you shouldn’t question him, but even the heat of Hotch’s glare can’t make you back down. There’s no way on earth you're letting him take you off the case.

“(Y/n), just listen to him, you need to get better,” Emily tries to reason with you.

“No,” you’re stubbornness flares up, “We’re close to getting this guy, I can feel it!” Your turn to Hotch, “I swear I’m feeling fine! Whatever was bugging me is gone, it won’t get in the way of work again. Please Hotch, I’ll take a sick break when we finish or something.”

Your begging seems to work because Hotch lets out an exasperated sigh. A small grin of victory forms on your lips.

“Fine.” He budges. “But you need to take the rest of today off and recover. You can come back tomorrow.”

“Thank you!” You resist the urge to fist pump the air.

Hotch shakes his head with a fond smile, “Come on, let’s go and let her rest.”

As they’re about to leave you call out for Emily to wait a moment. Something has been nagging at you the past few minutes, like an itch of awareness that scratches at your lungs.

“Where’s Spencer?” You had noticed as soon as they entered that the young doctor was absent.

She raises an eyebrow at you, lips pursed before she replies, “He’s talking to the first victims’ parents. He thought it might be possible that the unsub has a connection to his first victims.”

You nod your head. Of course Spencer would think of that. The first victims may have been old friends of his and they could have been his stressor.

“He and J.J. went there an hour or so before we came here.”

He’s with JJ? Something bitter rises in your throat as you lean back against the headboard. Of course he would be. He’s always around her. Of course he chose to go do that instead of visit you.

“Thanks Em, see you tomorrow.” Your words come off distant, but she seems to get that you want to be alone now.

After wishing you a good day, she leaves. The room falls into silence.

You sigh and close your eyes. The other day you thought you had a moment. You felt so close to him and you thought he may have, for just a smidge of a moment, felt the same. But you guess not. He'll never see you like that. He’ll only ever see you as a little girl, a little sister, who cannot take care of herself and needs constant protection.

It takes a moment to realize that a tear has made its way down your cheek. You wipe at it hastily.

Blinking away the remaining moisture in your eyes, you make up your mind that you need to get out of this small room. You need fresh air to clear the fog from your lungs. Forget resting. You need to breathe and this room is suffocating.

After grabbing your bag, you quickly make your way down the stairs and out of the hotel. You barely register where you are going, too focused on the crisp evening wind that hits you. It helps erase the thoughts that plagued you moments before. Your feet lead you down the sidewalk aimlessly, which doesn’t concern you in the least. Sometimes it’s nice to just walk without a destination in mind.

---

You take a moment to stare at the building in front of you. Why would you come here of all places? What part of your subconscious thought it would be funny to lead you here?

The greenery from the third set of murders stands in front of you, shimmering glass and all. It sits almost peacefully among the trees and brush. You know there is nothing peaceful about it though. Days ago it was filled with screams and cries of agony and fear.

With a deep breath, you take the remaining steps to the smashed door. You might as well take another look since your here. Hotch is going to kill you, but you really can’t seem to care at this point.

You open the door and slip inside.

The light is softer here, filtered through the green panes of glass that make up the cylindrical building. You bask in the warmth of the room for a moment before you begin walking between the isles. Each is filled with flowers, exploding from the pots and filling the room with color.

You used to love flowers. Their grace and beauty always enamored you as a child. You remember how you used to prance around with a flower crown on your head and a giant smile plastered on your face. It seems cruel that that part of you could be stripped away by this sickness.

Your steps slow when you reach the back room. It’s only a small moment of hesitation though. You step in, holding you breath as your eyes flicker to the blood stained floor. Flashes of the lastest scene flicker through your head. You force them away. You need to keep a clear mind if you’re going to look for something new. Last time you were razor focused on the chairs, the door, the drag marks. You didn’t bother to look around the rest of the room and perhaps the police made the same mistake. There has to be something else here.

The room seems simple, organized. The unsub probably didn’t touch anything if he didn’t find it necessary. In fact, he seems to have kept the chairs as far away from the wall of young flowers as he could. Strange.

You run a finger along a wilting petal of one of the flowers. The other plants all seem healthy, as if they've been watered, likely by the granddaughter, but these are dying. She probably can’t stand coming back here.

You shake your head. Not pertinent to the case.

Your eyes lazily trace over all the shelves to look for something, anything you could have missed before. It seems hopeless. Everything is absolutely normal. That is, until your eyes trail along the bottom shelf and catch a glimpse of something...different.

You immediately drop to your knees, hands shuffling to shove the small pots aside. It’s buried between them near the back of the shelf, but impossible to miss if you look.

A single, white tulip with wilting petals rests on the wooden shelf. Your fingers tremble as you pick it up and bring it closer to your face.

Blood.

Speckles and splotches of blood coat the pure petals of the flower. You lean back on your feet, excitement rushing through you.

Finally! You finally have a piece of evidence that can lead you to the unsub! It all makes sense now, why he killed them.

The grin on your face slowly fades the more you think about it.

He has hanahaki disease. Just like you.

He’s suffering. Just like you.

He’s devolving because he’s dying.

….Just like you.

Part 5

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #x reader #reader #reader insert #hanahaki #hanahaki disease #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #derek morgan

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maljean89 · 6 years ago

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I turned 30 and got my tubes tied

Just shy of a week ago I had my very first surgery — I got my tubes tied. Although, “getting your tubes tied” is sort of an out-of-date term these days come to find. Nowadays, removing your entire fallopian tubes is the standard for a couple of reasons: removing them completely (as opposed to tying, clamping or cauterizing) can prevent the occurrence of an ectopic pregnancy and can reduce the risk for Ovarian Cancer. Dude, I have so much cancer in my family, if I can reduce my risk for one kind, I’m down.

I’m really glad I’ve never had surgery before because going into it blindly was probably the best thing for me. I had no idea what to expect and if I had I think I would have been even more of an anxious mess than I already was. I am the queaziest, most fainty human being on the planet, so the entire experience of having the 3 attempts to put my IV in was a little hellish. But being put under felt pretty cool and before I knew it, I was waking up and it was all over. It took a solid 3 days of doing nothing but laying on my back and hobbling to the toilet before I started to feel like a human again. And let me tell you — having a boyfriend with an amazing sense of humor kind of sucks when laughing causes you pain. But he took the best care of me and 6 days later I’ve got a way less bloated and swollen tummy (looked like I was pregnant for a couple days) and my insides feel like normal again. I’ve got these 3 sweet battle wound scars — two on either side of my lower abdomen and one in my belly button — and I can officially say that I’m sterile as a cotton ball.

I’m pretty excited that I now have a response when people inevitably ask “So when are you and Jonah going to have a baby?” I’m going to enjoy it a little too much to be able to say, “Never actually. I had my tubes tied.” Telling people you don’t want kids makes them incredibly uncomfortable for some reason. I’ve never really understood it, but one of two things usually happen. One: they get real awkward and change the subject, never to be visited again. Or two: the barrage of questions begins. Some people are genuinely interested. Some people feel the same way and I get high fives. Some people do the whole, “well, you’ve got plenty of time to change your mind” routine.

The thing that probably kills me the most though is when people ask why.

“Why don’t you want to have kids? If you don’t mind my asking,” they’ll say.

You got a few hours? People ask this question like its a simple answer. Dude, if its a simple answer, I highly recommend that you don’t get sterilized because one simple answer isn’t sufficient. I have scores of reasons! And the reasons why I don’t only stand to inform the actions I would take if I oddly changed my mind someday.

I thought I’d share some of my many reasons with you all. Some are emotional, some are physical, some are financial — they’re all over the place. If you don’t care — thats cool. If you think I’m stupid — you’re entitled to your opinion. But I do think it would broaden your vision a bit to read why someone might not want to reproduce. If you’re one of the people judging me, I encourage you to take a moment to learn about someone different than yourself.

1. Physically, I legit can’t handle it. I know every woman is probably terrified of actually giving birth, but I literally could not handle it. I have to lay down to get a flu shot, and stay laying down for a solid 10 minutes or I’ll pass out. Getting my blood drawn makes me faint every time. And just discussing the process of inserting a NuvaRing with my gyno made me lightheaded and have to lay down. Getting my lady exam every year makes me so nervous I often present with high blood pressure because my nerves get the better of me so badly. Don’t think I could handle 9 months of discomfort, thinking about whats happening to my insides, and then the inevitable pain of actual birth. And even if I somehow could handle it — I don’t want to put myself through that. No thanks, I’ll pass.

2. Financially, I don’t want the burden. People may think thats a cold reason to not want kids, but I’m just being honest. I’m a fucking millennial for god’s sake — I’ll be drowning in student loan debt until the day I die, paying off only the interest on my income based repayment plan each month. I’m just now at 30 years old feeling stable with my own income for the first time ever. And to be 100% honest with you, I want to spend my money on me and my partner, not a small person who doesn’t even understand what money is and how hard I have to work for it. If you can look past that — high five to you, but I can admit that I’m not that big of a person.

3. I don’t want the strain on my body. I’m not special in that I’ve struggled with my body image my whole life. And sure — you can argue all you want that having kids is more rewarding than having a hot bod. And I’m sure thats true for some people. But vainly, I just don’t want to ruin my body like that. I’ve got enough stretch marks on my inner thighs and love handles from when I was heavier. I shall opt for keeping my bladder and vagina and breasts in tact for as long as I can. #SorryNotSorry

4. It’s not what I want my day to day life to be about. I enjoy being around kids of a certain age for a very short amount of time, and somehow that window gets smaller and smaller as they get older. I don’t have enough time for myself, I can’t even imagine having every moment be about feeding and changing and crying and being sick and everything else. Worrying about myself and the people I love is all I have the energy and time for folks. Its wonderful that some people are happy having every day be about play dates and going to the park and doing whatever Mommy-and-Me crap you mothers out there do — but thats just not who I am. I enjoy traveling and seeing the world, experiencing art and theater and music, trying really hard and failing at making alone time for myself, falling in love with Jonah more and more every day, searching for a woman to fall in love with at the same time, and a million other things I could spend hours writing about. In everything I want for my life, there just isn’t a kid running around in that mix.

5. I’ve got some weird Mom-related reasons swirling around in my noggin, too. My relationship with my mother was very special to me. I was an only child raised by a single mom and that, my friends, creates bonds unlike any other. In the three years since she’s died, I’ve realized how sacred my time with her was. I even had a window of time where I thought I was going to cancel getting my tubes tied because I had this morbid realization that by having a baby, and possibly a little girl, I could have a piece of my mom back again. Thats not a healthy way to think. I talked my feelings out with my loved ones and ended up back at my decision to have the procedure. Somehow, the mother-daughter relationship that I had with her is the only one I want to have in my life.

6. Other areas in my life deserve my love and attention more than a child. First and foremost — my love life is too important to me. Jonah is my world. And aside from the fact that on our first date he told me he didn’t want to have any more kids (he has a daughter from a previous relationship), our life doesn’t have room for an infant. Our life together — my career, my company, other creative and business ventures I have brewing in my head, Jonah’s music, our love life being polyamorous — all of these things deserve my love and attention more than having a baby. And guess what? As mentioned above, I already get to have a daughter in a sense! I get to have this super cool friendship/stepmom/parent-type thing with a wonderful little girl that came from the man of my dreams. I can’t wait to see her blossom into a young woman and see what she’ll achieve in life. ALSO, I have an amazing nephew who is about the same age and even though I don’t get to see him every day the way his mom saw me every day, I love the bond I have with him and getting to see him grow into such a sweet and upstanding young man. All of this and more deserve my love and attention more than creating another human.

7. I don’t think its necessary to populate the world with more people. If I lose anyone big time with any of these reasons, I think this one might be it. We as human beings are literally ruining this planet. There are too many people in existence as it is. We’re polluting the ocean at an alarming rate, global warming is all our fucking fault, and every year more and more animals hit that endangered species list or worse, become extinct. Don’t get me started on animal rights! More people just create more garbage, more waste, more problems. I’m sure you love your big family and think you’re not part of the problem, but guess what — we all are. I don’t want to add to it. I can help not add to it by the following...

8. I would choose adoption over reproducing any fucking day. When I had my initial doctors appointment to schedule my tubal ligation, my doctor obviously asked me why I wanted the procedure done. I rambled off a few of these reasons I’ve just shared with you and closed with this: “If for some crazy reason I want nothing more than to have a child 10 years from now, I would want to adopt anyway.” And that was the end of that conversation. There are so many children that need foster homes or to be adopted. In Minnesota alone, an article from this past January from Kare 11 states that “this year alone some 17,000 children will need temporary, out-of-home placements.” I saw an adorable little boy at the grocery store the other day running in front of his parents. For one second I thought, there are I don’t even know how many little boys just like him that need homes across the globe. The thought broke my heart. If I wake up 5 years from now and want nothing more than to be a mom, I want to change someone’s life and give them the loving home they otherwise might not ever have.

9. I’ve never had a strong will to be a mother. Sure, when you’re in grade school you might trade future baby names with your girlfriends at recess. For me it was Hayden for a boy and Aslynn for a girl. But as a teenager and adult, that daydream disappeared. I’ve never longed to be a mother, or to have any sort of a conventional life for that matter. It’s always seemed really boring and expected and normal. One of the very very few positive things that came out of my relationship with my ex-husband was the day he helped me realize that I just assumed I’d have kids someday because thats what society had drilled into me. The moment I stood back and really honestly asked myself, “Do I want kids?” I had my answer. No. And I’ve never looked back.

10. Most importantly, my body was made for more than reproduction. I know we don’t live in medieval times — this isn’t Game of Thrones no matter how much I wish it was. We live in an age of being a career mom and female empowerment up the wazoo. But theres still this thing floating around out there in the world that its expected of me to reproduce. Ridiculous abortion laws like the one that just passed in Georgia that makes it illegal to get an abortion after 6 weeks makes me feel like we’re only glimpsing the tip of the iceberg of whats coming down the pipes. The only person who can control what I do with my body is me goddamn it. My female body can do just as much (AND MORE) than any male body can. Maybe its just me being stubborn or thinking I’m more important than I am, but I firmly believe my body can do a million more important things shit out children. I truly believe we are heading to a Handmaid’s Tale existence, and I won’t be a part of it. I refuse.

I didn’t write this blog to make you feel like shit if you are a mother, and enjoy being a mother. Everyone is different. I respect that. But we all have different perspectives. And I truly believe that there are a lot of moms out there that didn’t think long and hard enough about this life-changing decision, and now they’re stuck with it for life. At the end of the day — you’re going to do you, and I’m going to do me. But maybe you have a little insight into what goes on in a head like mine, and why motherhood doesn’t have to be your future if you don’t want it to be.

I’ll be honest with you — I sort of have this weird feeling that for once I have total control over my own body. Pregnancy has been this fear stamped on my love life since I took that dive at 14 and I finally feel free from it. I don’t know, maybe I’m blowing it out of proportion. I could be feeling that way because I just bought my first house and have this cool, new perspective on taking control of my life. But somehow, I’ve never felt more in control in 👏🏻 my 👏🏻 life 👏🏻

Watch out world. The only one in control of my life and my body is me.

#tubes tied #tubal ligation #30 years old #my body #my body my choice #millennial #handmaids tale #sterilization #pregnancy #having kids #having a baby #mothers #daughters #mothers and daughters

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cherylblsom · 7 years ago

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A Phoenix & Her Fire (Pt.3)

(A/N): hey guys! I meant to upload this earlier and then my night kinda exploded on me sorry, I hope this isn’t trash lol. Pt 4 is in the works!

Word Count: 1,921

Pairing: Cheryl Blossom x Toni Topaz

Warnings: none!

Summary: Fangs & SweetPea try to cheer their best friend up but she’s falling apart without Cheryl

Read it on AO3

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Toni groans when she feels a hand shake her shoulder gently. She blinks rapidly trying to push the drowsiness away, she must have fallen asleep against Cheryl.

“Topaaaz wake up!” SweetPea says, she shakes her head and turns to look at him.

“What time is it?” She asks groggily

“Mm like 9:30? I’ve been sent by a higher power to make sure you come home to change and we get some breakfast in you”

“Let me guess, a fellow beanie wearing serpent?” Toni asks.

“His girlfriend surprisingly enough. Ponytail Betty said she’s worried about you”

Toni lets out a laugh which turns into a snort. “Oh my god - Pea you did not just call her that.”

“So what if I did? C’mon I’m starving” he says as he motions for her to follow him. Toni’s eyes shift to Cheryl who’s still sleeping but shifting slightly. Toni reaches out and tucks a stray strand of her fiery hair behind her ear. A quiet sigh falls from her lips. “I know you don’t want to leave her. But we’ll be back soon” SweetPea says gently from beside Toni.

“Toni...” she hears a voice from the door and lifts her head to see Betty. “I talked to the doctor and he said Cheryl is going to be in tests and scans for most of the day. They’re going to call with any updates.”

“How did you get that infor... oh right, cousin perks” she says fitting the pieces together. “Thanks Betty”. Toni leans over to press a kiss to Cheryl’s head and she lets her hand rest on her cheek for a moment. She can’t wait until she can hold Cheryl in her arms again and kiss her as hard as she can. “I’ll be back soon. Promise” she mumbles against her forehead. She reluctantly pulls away from Cheryl and trudges out of the room after SweetPea.

After going back to Toni’s trailer the pair find themselves tucked into a booth at Pop’s with Fangs stretched on the other side. When Pop comes to take their order he looks at Toni with a quizzical expression. “Not the usual duo, no Cheryl today?” he asks kindly. Toni swallows hard and shakes her head.

“No she uhm... isn’t too well at the moment” Toni says trying to keep her voice steady.

Pop nods, “well send her my best, what can I get you guys?” The boys both order big breakfast meals but Toni settles for just a cup of coffee.

“Can you bring her some fries or something too?” SweetPea juts in before Pop leaves, he jots it down on his pad of paper and makes his way to the back. “You’re not hungry, I know. But you need to eat.” SweetPea says before Toni can protest. He falls back to rest on the booth. Toni huffs in response and circles her spoon in her coffee trying to dissolve the sugar cubes.

“You ever feel like your world is collapsing in on you?” Toni asks to no one in particular as she stares into her coffee.

“Well... one time I built a blanket fort and it collapsed while I was in it so I guess?” Fangs says. Toni can’t help but let out a soft laugh at that, her shoulders shaking slightly.

“You really love her, don’t you?” Fangs asks, his tone changing to a more serious one.

“More than anything” Toni says with a sad smile as she lifts her head to look at Fangs. “She’s my world”

“Then your world isn’t gonna collapse in is it? From what I’ve heard your girl is quite a fighter.” Fangs tells her. He reaches across the table to grab her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze.

“Wait hold on I just got a brilliant idea.” SweetPea says as he sits up from his relaxed position. Both Fangs and Toni turn their attention to him and lift their eyebrows. Toni picks up her coffee to take a sip while she listens. “When Toni and Cheryl get married they can combine their last names instead of having to choose one. It can be ... Blopaz...” He has a huge grin on his face and Toni just about spits her coffee out at the name suggestion. When SweetPea starts giggling like a schoolgirl Toni can’t help but laugh along with him.

“Oh my goooood” Fangs groans as he shakes his head but a smile is pasted on his face.

“I feel like Bombshell would have slapped me for that one. And damn that girl can be rough” SweetPea says once his laughter has calmed down.

“Rough? You don’t even know the half of it” Toni responds playfully and then takes another sip of her coffee.

“Antoinette Topaz just what are you trying to say?” SweetPea asks as he side eyes his best friend.

“Oh look food’s here” she replies turning her attention to the plate of fries set in front of her. The trio fall into a comfortable silence as they dig into their food. A sense of peace falls over the group until it’s broken by the sound of Toni’s phone ringing.

“Hello, Miss Topaz? It’s Doctor Shapiro here” he says in a even toned voice

“What’s up? I thought Cheryl was going to be in tests for most of the day” she questions

“Well just the morning actually. We managed to get them done fairly quickly and I’m just looking over the results now.”

“Is everything okay?” Toni asks as she feels the panic in her rising again.

“I’d like you to come down here and we can discuss things.” He responds. Toni starts to get up from the booth assuring the doctor she’s on her way before hanging up.

“What’s up?” Fangs asks as Toni gathers her things.

“The doctor needs me. I gotta go, thank you guys” she rushes out of Pop’s and heads in the direction of the hospital cursing herself for not bringing her motorcycle.

When Toni arrives at the hospital she’s out of breath and takes a moment to compose herself before entering into the doctors office. He greets her with a wave as she flops down across from him desperately trying not to let her exhaustion show.

“So we ran a couple chest x-rays and some blood tests on Cheryl to see where she’s at. Since her condition seems to be worsening I managed to get results back quickly” he starts out, not wanting to waste time.

“Worsening? What do you mean? She was fine when I left this morning.” Toni asks frantically

“She woke up with another coughing fit shortly after you left and it took a while to get her back on track. Her fever and pain level has also increased. We will obviously continue to monitor her but may have to hook her back up to an oxygen machine.” He replies cooly.

It takes everything in Toni not to bolt out of her chair and back to Cheryl. To hold her and tell her she’s going to be okay and that Toni isn’t going anywhere. She takes a deep breath and nods her head. “So what’s happening? Have you diagnosed her?”

“From what the results show I believe she has an extremely severe case of pneumonia. I’d like to get on top of treatment right away so the condition doesn’t amplify.”

“How.. she was only under for a couple minutes... they said it was only a couple minutes...” Toni mumbles half to herself and not expecting the doctor to hear.

“That may be so” he responds and Toni looks up. “But her body didn’t have the time to prepare and a couple minutes can mean the difference between life and death.”

Life and death... the words echo in Toni’s mind. She sits in silence for a moment not knowing what to say. She can’t help the crushing feeling that’s bearing down upon her with each passing moment.

“Her sickness was most likely caused by a bacterial infection she gained from the water. We’re going to start by injecting antibiotics into her bloodstream and go from there. We may need to administrate drugs directly to her lungs depending on how she reacts” the doctor continues.

“Do you know what exactly caused the infection?” Toni asks, her gaze shifts to Cheryl’s open file on the desk.

“That’s something we are still looking into, I’ve taken a fluid sample from her and hopefully we can get to the bottom of this. My best guess is she’ll be here for maybe a week. You’re free to go see her but she’s likely very exhausted” the doctor leans back in his chair letting out a sigh. Toni thanks the doctor and finds her way back to Cheryl’s room, she’s surprised to see her awake when she walks in. Her arm is hooked up to and IV with some sort of liquid dropping in which Toni takes to be the antibiotics the doctor mentioned.

“Hey babygirl” She says gently as she walks over to her side. “How come you’re still up? Those tests must have exhausted you”

“I can’t sleep..” Cheryl mumbles, turning her head to make eye contact with Toni. “I’m in so much pain baby...” Cheryl shifts slightly in bed trying to get comfortable and a small whimper leaves her lips. Toni swears she feels her heart drop, knowing Cheryl is in so much pain and not being able to fix it is tearing her apart.

“How can I help?” Toni asks gently as she reaches to cup Cheryl’s cheek and run her thumb against her temple. Cheryl immediately leans into the touch and a slight smile pulls at her lips. She shrugs her shoulders in response to Toni’s question. Toni’s eyes roam the room and the section of hallway she can see from her position. She only hesitates for a moment before kicking off her boots and crawling in to the small space beside Cheryl. She wraps her arms around the taller girl and helps her shift over slightly to give Toni more room. When they’re settled Cheryl’s head comes to rest on Toni’s shoulder and she curls into her curve of her neck. A soft thank you falls from her lips as her body almost melts against Toni’s. As Toni presses a kiss to Cheryl’s head she can feel her own body relax slightly for the first time since she got the call from Jughead. Toni soothes away Cheryl’s soft whimpers and strokes her hair in attempt to help her fall asleep and get the much needed rest her body craves. “I love you so much” Toni whispers gently.

“I love you too” Cheryl replies softly, she coughs harshly and lets out a quiet whimper of pain. Toni holds her a little tighter and presses another kiss to her forehead noticing it’s still hot to the touch. Toni’s lays her chin against Cheryl’s head and starts humming the tune to a song. She feels Cheryl smile against her skin.

“I see you shine and the dark disappears...” she sings in a gentle voice trying to coax Cheryl into sleep. She continues the song in a soft voice and rubs Cheryl’s back. Eventually Cheryl’s body relaxes against Toni and her breathing deepens as she drifts off. Toni stays pressed to Cheryl knowing the ache in her will grow if she’s not in her arms. She holds her close and prays to whoever or whatever is out there that her girl recovers quickly and can be safe at home with her soon.

(next)

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