#FUCK THIS GAS STATION BULLSHIT IM OUT

[darlingdaisyfarm]

It’s so sad how mullet Stan lacks content of him 😭😭I wish there would be more fics of him so that’s why im gently asking you to give us more mullet Stan crumbs, it can be anything, headcanons or fic 😔 I will eat everything you’ll serve

⤿❝ Mullet!Stanley x reader headcanons (sfw & nsfw)⭑

a/n: agree i agree just yeah 10000% ! traumatised guys with mullet, bad habits and abandonment, daddy and mental issues are my weak spot

sfw

ᯓ★ he’s terrified of commitment but more terrified of being alone. he’ll push you away just to see if you’ll stay. he wants to trust you, but he doesn’t trust himself

ᯓ★ when he finally realizes you’re not leaving, he clings hard. like, once he’s in? he’s all in. but the idea of starting a family? he wants it so bad but so scared of it. he doesn’t want to turn into his father. he’s aware of his emotional instability and the last thing he wants is to pass that onto a kid. he doesn’t even trust himself to be a good partner, let alone a parent

ᯓ★ despite everything, still has a soft spot for kids but refuses to admit it. will grumble and complain but the second a little kid looks up at him with big, teary eyes, he’s sighing and handing over the last piece of his candy bar

ᯓ★ he is a literal stray, a stray dog that growls when you first bring him home but now follows you everywhere. you don’t date mullet!Stanley, you accidentally adopt him. this man has no home, no direction, no plan. he crashes on your couch “just for a few days, toots, promise” and then six months later he’s still there, wearing your robe, drinking straight from the juice carton

ᯓ★ acts like he doesn’t care but is secretly the most doting boyfriend. will fix your car, carry your groceries, give you his jacket when you're cold, all without asking. he just does it

ᯓ★ he doesn’t take care of himself. showers once every few days, drinks too much, smokes too much, eats like shit. if you ever cook for him it breaks him, he just stares at the plate because it’s the kindest thing anyone’s ever done to him, “you made this? for me?”

ᯓ★ road trip king. you wanna run away? hop in, sweetheart, we’ll figure it out on the way. the kind of guy who drives with one hand on the wheel and the other on your thigh. he’s got half a pack of smokes, a cassette of shitty rock ballads and a mouth full of sweet-talking bullshit

ᯓ★ as i said, he acts like he doesn’t give a fuck but actually gives too many fucks. will pretend he doesn’t care when you get mad at him, but the second you turn away, he’s overthinking. “fuck what did i say? shit, why am i such an asshole?”

ᯓ★ if you tell him you love him, he always hesitates before saying it back. not because he doesn’t feel it, but because he doesn’t think he deserves it

ᯓ★ literally stunned when you take care of him. like, someone is doing something NICE for him??? with no ulterior motive???

ᯓ★ absolutely a ‘leaning’ boyfriend. leans against walls, leans against doorframes, leans against you. big strong arms wrapping around your waist from behind, head dropping onto your shoulder with a sigh

ᯓ★ survives off diner food, gas station snacks, and whatever you make him

ᯓ★ gets nervous when you’re nice to him. he’s been kicked down so many times, he doesn’t know how to handle kindness. the first time you tell him he looks good, he scoffs, says something self-deprecating, but then stares at himself in the mirror later, touching his face trying to see what you even saw in him

ᯓ★ secretly loves being babied. if you push his messy hair back, clean his cuts when he gets into a fight or tuck yourself into his side when he's sitting down, he fucking melts. “psh, ya don’t gotta do all that,” but his ears are bright red

ᯓ★ will steal anything for you. “ya like that necklace, sweetheart? consider it yours.” he’s a walking, talking, petty thief boyfriend who just wants to see you smile

ᯓ★ lets you play with his mullet when he’s feeling lazy. sits between your thighs while you brush it and if you’re gentle enough, he’ll doze off right there, resting his head against your stomach

ᯓ★ loves his car more than he should. will drag you to the garage to show you how he’s fixing up some old junker, but he looks so proud, you can’t even complain. bonus: he makes you sit in it for a “test drive” (he drives too fast just to see you scream and laugh)

ᯓ★ hands always busy. even when you’re just sitting together, his hands are moving, tinkering with something, rubbing circles on your thigh, tapping on table. he's anxious stressed guy

ᯓ★ he falls asleep anywhere instantly. he’s had years of shitty, uncomfortable sleep, so at this point he can knock out in two seconds flat. the first time you see it happen, you’re stunned. “Stan, are you seriously asleep right now—?” he is. sometimes, he falls asleep sitting up, mouth slightly open, arms crossed. if you try to move him, he’ll grunt, shift slightly and keep sleeping

ᯓ★ he’s a sucker for physical affection but doesn’t know how to ask for it. please, just hold him. run your fingers through his hair, rub his back, let him rest his head on your chest or stomach. sometimes, he’ll just stand behind you and wait until you notice and pull him into a hug. he won’t ask, but he needs it

ᯓ★ this man does not know how to handle being desired

nsfw

ᯓ★ he’s big. everywhere. broad chest, thick arms, a cock that barely fits. “c’mon, baby, you can take it. just a little more, there we go.”

ᯓ★ he’s a messy kisser. tongue, teeth, biting, groaning, he devours you. Stanley makes out like he’s trying to fuck you with just his mouth. his hands are always gripping your face, your neck, your hair, he’s desperate

ᯓ★ he loves fucking in places he shouldn’t. against the car, in an alley, in the backseat, behind a bar, on some random motel dresser, doesn’t matter. the risk of getting caught gets him off. zero patience. too horny to wait, too desperate to care where you are

ᯓ★ if you ever scratch his back? he fucking loses it. he wants you clawing at him, gripping his arms, pulling his hair. especially loves it when you bite his shoulder

ᯓ★ fucks like a guy who doesn’t know if he’ll ever get the chance again. so overwhelmed by how good you feel

ᯓ★ he groans and grunts. loud, unashamed. you know exactly how much he’s enjoying it because he never shuts the fuck up. if you try to shut him up, he just moans louder out of spite

ᯓ★ this man talks during sex. a LOT. filthy, filthy, filthy mouth

ᯓ★ but if you try to stifle your moans, oh, he won’t have that. “uh-uh, lemme hear ya, baby. don’t go all shy on me now.”

ᯓ★ he has an oral fixation, always has something in his mouth. a cigarette, a toothpick, his own damn fingers. pussy? oh, he’ll eat for hours if you let him. he’s enjoying it more than you are. his nose is pressed right against your clit, his tongue is buried deep inside you, his big hands are holding your thighs open so you can’t squirm away

ᯓ★ but what he REALLY loves? your fingers. if you put your fingers in his mouth, he’ll groan and suck on them absentmindedly. don't try to pull away, you’re not going anywhere. he’ll grab your wrist, keep your fingers between his lips and just look at you with those dark, needy eyes

ᯓ★ loves when you pull his hair so make sure to always grab and yank his mullet while he’s between your legs and he’ll groan into your pussy like he’s getting off on it

ᯓ★ the kind of man who will fuck you dumb just to make sure you don’t even remember anyone else’s name

ᯓ★ absolute menace with that tongue + so so messy. will spread your legs, settle between them and go to fucking work. licking, sucking, slurping, spitting on your clit, growling against your folds. doesn’t stop until you’re begging. “c’mon, sweetie, one more for me”

ᯓ★ absolutely gets off on how loud you are. doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the night or the middle of the day, he’ll fuck you so good you’re screaming his name, he prefers it “Stanley” tho, not just Stan

ᯓ★ smokes like a chimney, including during sex. he’s the type to take a long drag of his cigarette while you’re riding him, exhaling the smoke lazily as he watches you bounce on his cock. “fuck, baby, keep goin’. look so pretty takin’ me like that.” then puts it out against the nightstand right before flipping you over and fucking you senseless

ᯓ★ smoking during foreplay too, pulls cigarette out of his mouth and presses it into the ashtray, muttering, “gonna put this out and focus on you, sweetie.”

ᯓ★ if you complain about him smoking too much, he’ll smirk, tilt your chin up, and say something like, “well, maybe if you keep me busy enough, i won’t need to smoke, huh?” such a brat tbh

ᯓ★ grabs whatever’s closest to tie you up. belt? works just fine. an old rag? perfect. (also wants to be tied up too)

ᯓ★ a tipsy Stan gets handsy, real handsy. he’s already got no shame sober, but when he’s had a couple of drinks, he can’t keep his hands to himself, your thighs, your waist, your ass

ᯓ★ praise him in the most filthiest way possible, call him big, tell him he’s stretching you out, tell him you’ve never had anyone fuck you like this. tell him how much you love his cock, how deep he is. he thrives on that shit, loves being told how good he feels. “fuck, baby, keep talkin’ like that and i might not last.” but he also LOVES teasing you. “poor thing, already dumb from my cock?”, “look at you, makin’ a mess all over me. filthy little thing.”

ᯓ★ i 100% believe that mullet!Stanley is a bratty switch who acts tough but turns into a desperate, whiny mess the second you take control. i think it needs its own post but ok

[bugiseverywhere]

this song got me thinking of Prohero!Katsuki x ObsidianQuirk!Reader… who keeps dragging him into her little games of toying with the law.. and his thoughts.

Reader isn’t a notorious villain or anyone too special, but they have a pretty neat quirk that they like to put to use every now and then. As long as they get a laugh out of it, really. They can manipulate magma from the earth and utilize it to their liking, including hardening the elements within the material and creating obsidian structures. It’s not overly noticeable if it’s not used to its full potential, and it can easily exhaust them if used to much, but what’s wrong with a little fun here and there?

Recently, some gangs of low end scumbags have been committing crimes around katsuki’s patrolling grounds- childish stuff like stealing money and merchandise from gas stations and small businesses and trying to run away after. However, upon reaching the scene of these crimes, the criminals are already knocked out and tied up by some, what looks like obsidian chain link, but the even more annoying part? Everything the tied up criminals attempted to steal on their own is completely missing, plus a few extra items here and there.

…weird.there’s no hero that he’s aware of that has a quirk capable of doing that, and if there was why hasn’t it been reported that they would be in his area? Also what hero captures people and then walks away with valuables?

This continues for a couple weeks, and it starts to drive the hero into frustration.

Until that is, today.

It was time for the hero to end his patrol and head back to the agency when he heard some commotion ahead. Picking up his pace, katsuki was ready to catch whoever was around the corner when he came face to face with Reader. Laughing softly at the group of teenage boys in front of her, two of them were already knocked out and were currently being tied up in that familiar chain the pro has been busting blood vessels over.

The last standing of the group, dropped everything, running in the opposite direction before being completely knocked sideways by readers quirk and drug towards the rest of the boys on the ground.

“Alright! $250 that’s not bad, time to get the fuck outta he-“

Bending down to collect the random number of snacks and money the boys had previously taken from the gas station down the road, reader looked up.

Katsuki stood before her, completely dumbfounded.

A girl has been doing this? Seemingly about his age- and that quirk..is she a criminal too? She was going to just walk away with stuff!! Who could she be- she’s a decently attractive girl at first glance.. actually scratch that, she’s almost exactly his type in looks-

“This is awkward..uhm- Dynamight right?”

oh.. she knows who he is?.. well of course, he’s pretty known in the public and if she’s been knocking these thugs out and also stealing their stuff, she’s got to be aware of heros…but why is his heart fluttering a bit when she said his name, and why does he feel kind of intimidated right now?… uhm actually why are his legs not moving right now-

“Who the hell are you-“

“Y’know I would love to chat about all of this but I kinda don’t feel like being arrested today so I should get going!”

she used her quirk on him. She completely trapped his legs in her stupid fucking obsidian bullshit, and now she’s running off with money that isn’t hers, and leaving five knocked out idiots behind.

“HEY! WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU-“

Blasting out of her obsidian hold he darted around the corner to find her completely out of sight.

-

-

-

Weeks pass and Katsuki is still thinking about Reader. He’s even gone as far as requesting security footage from the local shops where recent crimes have taken place. He’s spent hours analyzing her quirk and trying to find any information he can about her through the static and choppy imaging.

After he couldn’t get much information himself, he sent his secretary to the commission office to get as much information about her as possible. The next morning, a stack of documents were placed on his desk.

(Y/N) (L/N)

Quirk : Obsidian Manipulation

Working Status : Retired Undercover Hero

Hero Name : Igneous

[Headshot]

a retired undercover hero? she’s so young though.. why would she be retired already-

“sir, you’re 2:00 is ready for you in the conference hall.”

“K.”

Katsuki takes a deep breath and gathers his thoughts. He’s got more important things he should be focusing on…not some criminal- no, ex undercover hero.. okay, an ex undercover hero who knocks thugs out but steals valuables- who has a decently good quirk and looked kinda attractive when she used it-

oh,

how the mighty fall…

(in love)

I rushed this but OH MY GAWD. I am obsessed with a dumbfounded very interested katsuki x kinda bad influence but also not horrible person reader. PLEASE, give me your thoughts + add on’s I want to expand this so bad. My head is SPINNING 😫🤌

[bloogers-boogers]

College Au where Cartman and Kyle dated during middle school and half of high school, however they broke up (Eric) bc his mother kicked him out and had nowhere else to go, Kyle did try to help him but he couldn't let him stay more than a couple of days in his house bc his parents felt pity over Eric's situation but like they say, you become a intruder/ burden after three days.

The problem wasn't Kyle not being able to help Cartman's situation, everything was mellow in their relationship; still taking care of him while he wondered off from park, houses, basements to sleeping inside cars of his fellow classmates (believe it or not but Craig and Clydes cars were always available for him if needed) Kenny let him crash just for a week because his alcoholic dad kicked him out while Kenny was on his shift however Karen apologized for the way he acted with a huge hug which warmed Cartman's heart and spared Stewart's life. Sometimes even Wendy let him stay in her room secretly from her parents as a favor for Stan (tho internally she actually felt bad for Cartman). Anyways, returning to the actual issue was when he finally crashed at Stan's; further away from town in the farm.

Sharon took pity of Cartman welcoming him with open arms and Randy didn't care much in exchange of a "free" employee which annoyed Stan. Stan welcomed him to "hell" as he called it and lead him to the guest room.

This is where things become complicated, while being in the farm Cartman spent most of his time with Stan which provoked a lot of complications in his relationship with Kyle because of this new found feelings against those two immediate closeness: jealousy. Kyle began feeling insecurities arrise in his conscience and his annoyance became more noticeable for both Cartman and Stan, however at first it was only Stan who noticed it while Cartman was oblivious to the whole thing.

It wasn't difficult to notice Kyle's immense glaring and indirect insults at Stan's person. He was suspicious over every little thing they did, commented negatively with every "inside joke" they shared. Stan immediately pointed out his bullshit which caused conflict between both best friends.

They split up, however, Stan still did not let this situation affect Cartman and his stay at the farm.

Ofcourse, after the split up Kyle was even more cranky... that's where he began to lash his anger and repressed jealousy on to Cartman. And that's where Cartman grew tired of it after months of the same shit he broke up with Kyle.

"¡IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME WITH YOU! IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN CARE OF WHAT I FEEL!

YOU'RE ALWAYS LIKE, STAN THIS STAN THAT WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING GO FUCK STAN THEN!??"

"We literally live under the same roof it's not like I can ignore him, Kahl???"

"¡You're pretty good at ignoring me!"

"I'm not ignoring you! It's was just one text which I answer a little late than usual; but it was because Randy wanted me to pick up Towelie from the gas station cause he had overdose!"

"You could be lying for me to not get suspicious of you two, when you we're probably fooling around with Stan!"

"¡¡THAT FUCKING DOES IT!! ¡IM DONE! I CAN'T TAKE YOU ANYMORE! IM BREAKING UP WITH YOU!"

"... excuse me?"

"Like you fucking heard it, Kyle. We're over."

After that, there was three periods of their breakup; from Kyle acting dismissive/denial (still in shock) for what had happened to second stage, (realizing it was serious/ it mattered) begging for Cartman to take him back and lastly acceptance (grief/sorrow/guilt).

During this period Kyle and Stan reconnected and made peace. They weren't "super best friends" but they we're friends nonetheless.

Eventually at the end of last year of high school both Kyle and Cartman had no choice but to make amends after getting trapped in a escape room for over five hours while they had been in a typical adventure of theirs. Kyle took this as an a opportunity to apologize and somewhat hopeful they could give each other a second chance. But Cartman just accepted his apology and moved on from a emotional confrontation to attempting again to unlock the door of the room. Kyle ofcourse didn't initiate any moves on Cartman but he did expect for Cartman to atleast do it himself, he was left disappointed that night.

And as time flew by quick, they had said their goodbyes and left opposite ways. By this point the Marshes had become Cartman's second and only family. Which helped him be able to go into a good college. (For Stan’s dismay Cartman had become Randy's favorite "Marsh" so he had made sure first to assure Cartman a good college plan instead of his actual son; luckily for Stan his mother had him secured it's not like they had their doubts on using Randy's sketchy money anyways and it's not like Cartman cared enough to question where it came from either.)

However, after two years in Stanford university. He bumped into Kyle.

They were left stoked; but for different reasons. Kyle was by Eric's (still) immense beauty and resurfaced feelings while Cartman was just wondering what the fuck was Kyle doing there when he was supposed to be studying in Harvard.

They awkwardly greeted each other not knowing what to say, but the dreaded silence was broken immediately when some blonde guy approached Eric and slid his arm around Eric's shoulder. That was enough to give Kyle the hint that Cartman had already moved on and was taken. However, this did not affect him in the slightest, he kept his posture and cleared his throat.

"I see you're still studying in Stanford, Fatass."

The blonde arched a brow to this; unaware of the dynamic only he and Eric's close friends had. Cartman just gesture the blonde a small wave, clearing things up before the blonde could take it as a actual threat.

"Don't take it seriously, Bruce. This is how this peculiar jew is," Cartman wink at Kyle, a playful gesture that was supposed to be taken as a initiative of breaking the awkward tension between them.

However, Kyle's feelings were in a twist and wanted badly to scoop Cartman in his arms and claim him as his.

"What brings you to Stanford, jewboy?"

By this point, Bruce had left not before planting a kiss goodbye to Cartman a way to mark his ground, side eying Kyle as he walked away which left Kyle with a taste of bitterness and his competitive spirit grew stronger.

He gulped, not really giving the actual and real reason to why, "Oh, you know... it wasn't my thing, but I heard Stanford wasn’t a bad place. So I decided to give it a shot."

"You left Harvard for Stanford?" Cartman asked almost incredulous.

"Yes." Kyle answered flatly, "you know, Harvard isn't all that." He shrugged, wanting desperately to skip the reasoning of his move to Stanford.

Cartman chuckled amused, seemingly not believing it still, but dropped it.

After this, Kyle and Cartman remained in a decent distance. Boundaries weren't broken however they did cross paths and did hang out together from time to time, ate lunch sometimes and if the opportunity was given study alongside each other. But it was all very casual and never beyond anything more than friends. Cartman was still dating that Bruce guy so Kyle remained tame about his advances with Cartman.

But the moment he heard from a close friend of his who also had a friend group close to Cartman's; that he had broken up with Bruce that same evening he dashed towards the dormitory area where Cartman was and "stumbled" across a messy Cartman. Which took Kyle off guard, cause he's never seen Cartman be this broken it somewhat made him feel a little jealous, envious maybe? cause Cartman never seem this heartbroken over their own breakup, 'How the fuck does this dumb frat boy get Cartman to react like this but with me he didn't bat an eye?' Ofcourse he didn't take it to heart, and instead of making any moves on him he stayed by his side comforting him over his fresh breakup.

"It's okay, man. There's plenty of other people out there (me)"

*sniif* "I thought he was the one, Kahl," Kyle resist the urge to 'tsk', he hated seeing Cartman cry but more so to hear him declare someone else to be "the one" that wasn't him.

"He was a total chad, I'm surprised you didn't see that coming."

"Kahl you're not helping.."

"I just don't want you to act like a total pussy for someone who doesn't deserve your whimpers. You're better than this, you don't need to be crying for some cheating douche."

"... thanks Kyle.." *sniff*

But that sympathy didn't last long, and after a day he called Cartman and invited him out with all intention to begin pursuing Cartman. He justified his selfish behavior with the fact that Cartman would be way happier better off with him instead, and no longer care about Bruce once he shows him how much better it'll be if they got together.

He knew Cartman was healing, fuck, normally he should be recommending for Cartman to take a break from relationships all together. But fuck no. He had wasted long enough waiting, he wasn't planning to waste more time. To wait for some miracle to mysteriously happen in his favor, he had to make his own miracle happen and that was to make Cartman his again.

It's delusional cause he dropped outta Harvard cause he just couldn't bare the thought of being so far away from Cartman, he couldn't concentrate at all, his mind betrayed him plenty of times and wondered to Cartman.

So in his logic, getting into Stanford will make it easy a bit and finally able to pursue his carrier with no distractions. Yes, Cartman was a distraction but having him close, around.. just eased all his worries as he wondered back in to his studies.

So technically, it worked.

So his choices weren't all in vain, however part of his plan on getting back with Cartman went outta rail after realizing he had moved on but that didn't stop him from deciding to pursue the second he got out of that relationship.

Technically it wasn't his fault the frat boy couldn't remain faithful? So ofcourse, he didn't feel a ounce of sympathy or pity after sliding his tongue inside Cartman's mouth after a long confrontation by Cartman over "someone" casually framing Bruce for assault of a fellow student from the campus, dumped him in middle of a ceremony only in his underware and green slime while also being publicly humiliated by people posting on social medias of the whole humiliating display.

Kyle wonders who'd dare did that, but he didn't think much of it as his mind focused on making out with Cartman; grabbing every inch of his soft body, biting, nibbling his skin. Kissing his face then biting his collarbone, showing in all freedom his desire, the repressed feelings he had for him into passionate kisses, his devoted and loyal soul, his burning carnal hunger, the sorrow of losing him.

Gripping Cartman's wrists as he bends him over and somewhat eyeing the photo Cartman still had in his night stand; of him and Bruce. He put it down with his free hand as he then digged his teeth in Cartman's neck making him moan and gasp suddenly.

However, Kyle then woke up, after his alarm resonated the walls of his dorm. Greeting him with the reality that he was in fact dreaming and still had yet to start making a plan to get rid of Bruce who somehow managed to get Cartman back after being an unfaithful piece of shit.

And yeah, a lot of jealously/possessive Kyle continues 😅

[grantaire-foudroye]

I'm not the anon you replied to, and can't tell when the original ask was sent, but I'm also thinking about starting T but not in a binary trans man way and would love to hear more about your experiences!

absolutely!!

disclaimer: i haven’t been on T for very long so i can’t give you information i don’t have experience on but i’ll tell ya what i know!

disclaimer #2: this is going to be a very long post. sorry

if you have specific questions please please please DM me or send asks and i’ll answer them :)

-

the good the bad and the ugly:

one of the first things I noticed on T was the way if affected my menstrual cycle. (i’m just going to use those words for it because i can’t think of any better). i have really fucky hormones already, and a super inconsistent period, and after about a month and a half of T i got a period that lasted about 3 weeks. That freaked me out enough that I went off T for like a month, before realizing that i really needed T and got back on. I haven’t had a period since December, though, so we’ll see how that goes later.

thing #2 that I noticed: bottom growth. this and my voice change started at around the same time, so it was a really interesting few weeks while those two were starting out. you will feel it. all the time. like. all the time.

thing 2.5: the voice. this has been such a wonder for me. the first few weeks of voice dropping came sooner than i expected (around 2ish months in) although I had been noticing tiny minuscule changes since around month 1.5. the first real drop for me came February, or month 3, after my month-long pause. in about two weeks, my voice dropped a noticeable amount. it started cracking and my throat started hurting like a motherfucker. my voice has also dropped a bit these past few weeks, so ~ month 6, and people have started commenting on how different my voice is. it’s really great for me- my voice has finally started matching what i thought my voice should sound like.

thing 3: HORNY. i’m so fucking horny. im horny every hour of the day night and in between. i spent a whole day just jacking off and sleeping. you grow a second brain and it’s located in your pants. anything will get you horny.

thing 4: facial hair. hallelujah. i have a mustache now, enough for gas station attendants to call me “young man” and for some guy to ask me if i’m old enough to drive. i’m getting weird little scraggly beard hairs, the stuff about asscrack hair is true, and im getting hair on my stomach and toes????? it’s wonderful. it’s what i’ve waited my whole life for. still waiting for the chest hair, though.

5: fat redistribution. idk what to say about this just that everything is achy and my pants fit different and i know full well i haven’t been changing anything else about my life

6: here’s the sucker punch. sweat. i’m so fucking sweaty and horny all the time. i drove my truck for 15 minutes with the windows down yesterday and sweated through my undershirt. if you don’t have undershirts, get some once you start T. i used to wear the same undershirt for two days in a row (i know it’s gross shut up) and now i can barely wear one for a whole day. get good deodorant. old spice body spray is your friend. sorry

thing 7: emotions. i have a hard time crying now, but i can’t tell if that’s hormones or dehydration. i have your average pubescent mood swings on steroids. my tolerance for bullshit is at an all time low.

things 8-? : social perception

i am a fat butch dyke. i have short hair, a resting mean face, and very brusque hands. i’m very affectionate with people i trust in a way that gets me often labeled (by outsiders) as pushy or desperate. i’ve never been feminine but i’ve put on an affectation of femininity to make myself less threatening. with testosterone that went out the fucking window. people see me the way middle aged church mothers see pitbulls. i got called violent for tossing a shirt into a car with “too much aggression.” people are starting to interact with me the way they would interact with a man. it’s rough, and it’s lonely. but it’s worth it, to me.

i’m having to be more aware of myself in order to not get read as a creep. stuff i would have done when i passed as a girl has become, in a very short time, stuff i absolutely cannot do now that i pass as a weird deformed man. the affectation of femininity has returned in full force, although i’m trying to get rid of it and just talk.

i miss my singing voice.

i have a new singing voice that i love. i’m still surprised when i listen to recordings of myself and they’re not how i expected them.

i’ve found a lot of solace in captain america fanfiction.

i am so dazzlingly happy with my stupid scraggly mustache. i like looking at myself. for a good few weeks i couldn’t stop talking just to hear myself talk.

i need to drink gallons of water now.

people have started defaulting to “he” for me. a stranger let me pet his dog and asked me if i was a “feminus man,” to which i said absolutely.

i’ve become so comfortable in being myself. i can’t wait until i figure out what to do about my tits. i’m slowly getting the upper range of my singing back. i’m having to restrain myself from using vocal fry every three seconds. i go to a barbershop and feel completely out of place, but get a nice haircut. i don’t think i’ve developed the cis man brand of self consciousness yet, and i hope i never do. someone recognized me from high school and i’m glad i’m still the same.

testosterone has made me so connected to the person i thought i was going to grow into as a kid.

on a topic i never got to hear from anyone about:

injecting testosterone.

i chose intramuscular injection for my first T prescription. i went in with almost zero guidance aside from my friend (who offered to do it for me) and my adoptive dad (who told me to close my eyes and jab). i nearly cried the first time.

i kept doing intramuscular until my break, and at that point called the doctor and told her i could not keep doing that. she told me to inject subcutaneous until next appointment. i did. it was a wonder. i now have the specific needles for subcutaneous injection, and am so used to doing it i can even play music during the injection. i used to have to do it in total silence, with the door slightly ajar, and the pamphlet they gave me open in front of me, in case anything went wrong. now it’s easy. i still tell my cis man friends i’m more man than they are for being able to do it.

here’s how i do it, because no one told me how to:

check your T. it should be clear or pale yellow. there should not be granules, chunks, or cloudiness. if there are, call the pharmacy. don’t inject it. if it’s clear and chunk-free, you’re good.

fill the syringe with your dose of hormone. use a thick needle. get the air bubbles out. pull the plunger way down, switch needles, and push the plunger slowly back up to get the air out. you’ll figure it out.

to uncap a needle, you might need a little more force than you expect. i still haven’t figured out how to do this easily.

i inject into my stomach, always, so: i rotate injection sites every week. don’t inject above your navel, and it’s best to inject at least an inch away from it. if you pinch the area you want to inject in you should feel the difference in how pain is experienced. pick a spot where you almost don’t feel it when you pinch yourself. hold the syringe with your thumb on the plunger and your first two fingers on the finger rests. hold it at a 45 degree angle with the needle tip’s open end facing up, so the needle slides in easier. take a deep breath and push the needle in.

it’s easier to go faster just to get the tip in, and after that you can go as gentle and slow as you like.

if you’re like me and your stomach is covered in stretch marks, that’s ok. stretch marks don’t go deep. it might hurt a little to get the needle in, but you will be okay. i promise. you’ll feel the needle hit the fat and slide right in and then you’ll be okay.

some people say to pull up a little to check for blood but i don’t do that and it’s fine. my med student friend said you won’t get internal bleeding or other severe damage from not doing that, and if you do, the big ugly bruise will let you know real quick.

take a deep breath and push the plunger down. if your hand shakes that’s okay and if the needle moves a little that’s okay. just don’t pull the needle out mid-injection.

if you have to test a few spots to see where you want to inject, that’s ok too.

some days will hurt more than others.

it’s okay to have to use more than one needle if you chicken out of the first jab. you usually don’t need a new syringe for this.

don’t pierce the skin with the same needle twice. for sanitary reasons and also because a blunt needle hurts like a motherfucker.

pull the needle out gently and press your finger to the injection site. slap on a bandaid. get the stretchy real bandaid branded bandaids. they’re good.

give yourself a treat! youve probably been a little tense for this. relax.

the injection site might get a little red and a little itchy. it might hurt when you put briefs on. it might hurt when you move or touch it. there might be a tiny little bump where you injected. that’s fine. you will be ok. call a friend if you need.

i hope this all helped! if you want more deets or have questions please let me know :0)

-naf

[theuniverseawakens347]

okay so coco you look like Hudson sound like singer Megan …but when I do it it’s cause for alarm… summer walker Aja miles real anxiety but also the simple fact that she play stupid n be lying to lie then love bomb or smother … Aja how you help recently paint the house n why you ain’t spend money on ya family beside lil stolen holiday bday gifts… - Ian king Cashay Tristan murder jailing PSYCHWARD but that’s my best friend 🙂… yal being assholes making me homeless for no gotdamn reason to diagnosis Kimora Jay in relation to SHAYNCE id fraud on me to even see a psych.. SO FUCK YOU IN FULL TIL IM SHOWERD - BEFORE HALLOWEEN CUNTS. NICOLE WHY YOU HERE TO HELP BUT WAIT FOR ME TO SAY YA THOUGHTS OUT LOUD - SAME OLD BULLSHIT TYREEK.. MY DRAFTS DELETED BUT CAMERAS GOT RALPHS.. GROCERY N GAS SHELL CROSS THE STREET.. ILEGAL DRIVING SIKE “ she almost crashed” WHY YOU ALWAYS LYING ON KE JUST USE KIMORA REAL FACE N NAME IN FULL … I SHOT FROM SHELL STRAIGHT TO RALPHS NO CRASH DUMBAS MICKEY BITCH WHO CANT DRIVE CAUSE YOU BE ON COKE THATS WHY ANDRE TYRONE N TYREEK TOOK OVER - MOBIL GAS STATION WHEN VIVICCA FOUND OUT SHE A FUCKING TERRORIST AND MOTHER ACRICA AND THEN SOME BIG MOMA 💋 hi granny !!

[roffmychest]

Tw: discussion of addiction, self harm, drinking

I've confessed here before that it felt like no one believes me about having an addictive personality. It feels like it's gotten worse. My brother believes me, which is good. Hes very firm about no smoking or drug use in our house which keeps me leveled in some ways, but it feels like I'm relying too heavy on alcohol. It hasnt.....escalated I guess, yet. But when I'm upset I drink, I want to get drunk, I just want to forget everything. I want to be a little less aware. And this is different from a previous self harm addiction because that never made me feel off, it didn't take the edge off, it just hurt and brought me back down to earth. Now I don't want to be on earth. Not in a suicidal way, just a life sucks and I'd rather not be aware sort of way.

Im not very forth coming with my best friend about everything, and I probably should be. She wouldn't want me to lose myself in substances. No one would, I know that, its just so hard sometimes. I find myself planning ways to get drunk without my brother finding out. Planning how I would smoke without him knowing, or trying to figure out how to get my hands on drugs. I know logically how awful these ideas and plans are. I keep telling myself it's fine because I'm not acting on any of it, but that feels flimsy. I'm also in the middle of writing a very heavy story involving drug addiction and alcohol abuse and I keep thinking "oh well I need to know how it feels to be able to describe it properly, to do it its do credit" but that's just another excuse I think. I'm feeling all sorts of mixed up.

I know I should stop drinking. I should make our house a dry house out of an abundance of caution, limit myself on bar trips. Set some rules. We bought some more wine the other day and I made a comment about being relieved about having alcohol in the house again, and my brother shot me this look. He made a joke about alcoholism, but I could tell it wasn't really a joke. He sees through me. I'm glad I don't live alone, I think I'd really struggle if I lived alone.

We're moving to the city soon, and I'm gonna be around a lot more people smoking and drinking. I'm hoping to get things under control by then, but I don't even know where to begin. I've mentioned before, or maybe I haven't, I don't remember, that it seems that no one wants to help me and believe me until I hit rock bottom and "prove" to them that I'm bad enough to need help and consideration. So I dont even know where to begin with getting my thoughts and urges under control.

I have another sibling who has been nothing but flippant about my concerns, which pisses me off. We grew up on the stories of our uncles on both sides of the family being in an out of rehab, all these stories about drug and alcohol abuse and how addiction runs in the family. And they just brush me and my concerns aside, say its all just bullshit about growing up in a dry house and a strong culture of not drinking. But I know it's not and it pisses me off how flippant they are. Must be really fucking nice for them, to not have to restrain themselves from blowing their savings every time they go to the arcade. To not have to lock up knives when they're feeling low. It must be really fucking nice to not have to hand over your wallet to someone else because you don't trust yourself not to walk down to the gas station for drinks and cigarettes the second you're left alone. It must be really fucking nice to not feel like that.

I just don't know what to do right now. I don't want to lose my friends, my job, my life just because I have this stupid itch in my brain. Maybe I'll go talk to my brother, or my best friend. I'm not sure. Just....thanks for listening

.

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

ok this all started about 10 months ago when my 4 roommates and I moved in together. we got 3 keys from the post office for our shared mailbox. my roommate technically owned these keys yet she put them where everyone could use them so it was no issue. one day she stopped putting the keys in an accessible area where everyone could use them because someone was not putting them back. I cant confirm or deny this because I know I wasnt doing this. there is one roommate (now moved out) who would possibly do something like this. I dont agree with that if she did thats not super relevant to the story tho.

anyway many months get by of having to ask my roommate to borrow her keys every time I needed to get the mail. she had 3 keys, mind you, and wouldn't even put one out for all of us to use. the mail would pile up so much that there would be weeks and weeks worth of it shoved into our mailbox and packages sitting in the parcel lockers for just as long. she clearly wasn't even getting the mail herself on a regular basis. also it feels super demeaning to have to ask your roommate for the keys to your own mailbox.

I tried to stay calm and civil with her because even though I am not afraid to be confrontational I also don't like dealing with shit like this. what set me off was getting a notice for my blood test bill being almost late (paid it on time thank g-d) because the mail hadn't been brought in for weeks.

possibly important context is that towns in the southwest USA with decent amenities like doctors offices and whatnot are typically 45min-1hr apart by car. theres smaller villages in between and those usually don't have much more than a gas station and small store if even that. the closest blood testing office that all medical offices generally accept is about an hour away. if I didnt pay my bill in time I would likely no longer be allowed to get blood work done there and I may have to drive 2-3 hours instead of 1.

I ended up confronting her about this and I didn't yell but I sure as fuck wasn't calm and patient. I told her that either she needed to let me make copies of the mail keys or get the mail herself on a regular basis. there were 3 other people living there besides her and if she was gonna hoard the only 3 keys it was her responsibility to get the mail. she kept saying "its not my responsibility" and all that sort of bs.

anyway I decided to go to USPS on my own and asked if they made mail keys because afaik you only get 3. I figured that remained the same but I asked just in case something changed. eventually my roommate decided that we should both go to usps together so she could ask about the mail keys which I was silently pissed off abt bc I felt like she didn't trust me just to ask questions about keys. we still went though and she asked the questions when the very kind employee said they only provide 3 keys and she said "oh I didn't know that!"

I used to tell white lies a lot and its a habit I've done very well to grow out of. I said that that was completely new information even though it wasn't . I am not proud of this, yet I did it because if I said anything else I would have decked her. I didnt wanna bother the very nice employee. I had been to this post office days earlier and was told to my face that there were only 3 keys and they didn't make copies. she either forgot this over the course of a few days or was totally bullshitting this. whichever it was i wasn't happy.

anyway she eventually allowed me to take one of her keys and copy it. it took literally 15 minutes including the drive and now we have a few extra keys (a couple I keep on my keyring). there are plenty for everyone to have at least 2 and if we ever need more ill gladly make them. also I get the mail on a regular basis. im definitely not a saint however im sure as fuck not letting packages bake in the heat for weeks and weeks and everyone deserves regular access to their mail when they need it.

what rlly pisses me off in a way thats unrelated to this story is my roommate's superiority complex. she does act very nice on the outside and I dont believe that's fake I think she's really just outwardly very nice. which is amazing! (its still not the type of personality I vibe with and that's my problem, not hers. not her issue that get weirded out when people are too happy-go-lucky). what truly bothers me is her actions show she puts so little faith in the people around her and believes she is the only one who can do things right. although my other two roommates weren't perfect bc no one is (both moved out now) they were good, kind, smart, reasonable people who never deserved to be treated like they're lesser and I didnt deserve that either. we also didn't deserve dozens of envelopes in the mailbox at a time

am I pissed off that even though my roommate and I have mail keys im literally the only one who gets the mail? yeah kinda. I dont mind getting the mail its more about the fact that she could but never does.

also if u want more context pls ask bc there is a story behind all this. I dont like her very much shes perfectly nice I just can't stand her

[godgavemenoname]

GUESS FUCKING WHAT

[attourney-at-lycan]

small pdh scene idea-

so garroth and laurance are in a car together, just chilling at the gas station- they’re kinda having a fun conversation about some fucking bullshit drama that happened at school- something w/ “this wouldn’t fly in o’khasis prep” “omfg garroth u say this shit all the time, can u stop sounding like the girl from magic school bus”

scene cuts to the shadow knights fucking around in the gas station store- by fucking around i mean stuffing snacks in their massive pockets while gene is having a heated argument over how real his fake id is (it was shittily drawn on a piece of paper during art class by zenix btw) with the cashier. then bam, zenix accidentally drops a bottle of soda right as theyre walking out. insert long silence before the shadow knights bolt out the shop w/ the cashier right on their tail.

they’re like shit shit shit- before sasha point’s @ garroth’s car like “hey isnt that laurance’s boyfriend’s car?”

they originally arrived @ the gas station on foot and planned on running away on foot, but jumping in a car w/ a familiar face is a much better option

so, while garrance are having a fun convo, they get interrupted by three hooligans randomly opening the door, stuffing themselves inside before fucking yelling “GOGOGOGO—” right in garroth’s ear-

garroth has no fucking clue what’s going on but he still fucking goes because WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON-

so he just fucking starts the car and races off w/ the poor cashier (probably logan omg thats so funny) slowing down to a stop and just “fuck it im not paid enough for this bullshit”

cue back to the car with the shadow knights cheering each for a great haul, laurance covering his face like ‘i cannot believe i thought these assholes were cool’ and garroth is gripping the wheel going “shit shit shit shit shit i’m going to get so fucked”

sasha’s the first to say “by the way why did u guys leave your fucking doors unlocked??”

zenix, already stuffing his face w/ doritoes, “idk maybe they were too distracted making out”

“WE WERE NOT!!” both garroth and laurance say at the same time, they seriously have no idea why everyone thinks they’re dating???? they’re just rlly close friends as historians say

so anyway, long silence after that before garroth is finally somewhat calmed down and realizes “you guys stole all that food but no alcohol? isnt that something troublemakers do?”

gene just answers “we dont drink. sasha hates the taste of beer, my family has a history of alcohol addiction and there’s no way in hell we’re letting zenix drink”

and thats all my brain can produce-

[selamat-linting]

literally why didnt i notice until now over how many similarities the slenderverse series (mh, emh, tt, and the like) have over homestuck like :

-both are a multi-media experience with cryptic puzzles and mysteries that took some thinking and fandom collaboration to fully understand. marble hornets spesifically, was so influential that almost every slenderman mythos is based on their own take of it. literally the blueprint that changed a subgenre of unfiction series forever.

-oftentimes blurs the barriers between canon and reality/fanon. especially with everymanhybrid's HABIT trials

-dealt with themes of being doomed from the start, predestination, and dealing with forces beyond your understand in good and bad ways

-has a time loop plot but the humans are mostly very fucking powerless and if they want to gain a bit of power they must shed their humanity (tribetwelve)

-either ends in a tragedy that makes you cry like a bitch because you held out hope for everyone even though you know theyre all fucking doomed or it has no proper ending at all (im still sad over keratin garden oof)

-some bullshit about sessions are occasionally involved (emh and tt)

-character gets possessed by a demon, is purple-coded, kills almost everyone in the cast, and do passive agressive hatecrimes (tribetwelve 'he KNOWS im jewish he's mocking me' scene)

-speaking of tribetwelve, noah kinda reminds me of karkat with his inability to stop saying cocksucker every five seconds

-insufferably dorky film nerds

-somehow makes everyone who watch it gay or transgender

-faceless piece of shit in a suit manipulates people to kill and maim their loved ones

-the fandom thinks theyre hot even though the cast are the most ordinary people you'll ever meet in a gas station

-bonus : embezzlement drama insane shit happens in the fandom. like, i know exactly two murders where the perpetrator was a child obsessed with slenderman.

[fuck-customers]

(tw ableism, racism)

i never complained about this guy on here but i finally talked to the store lead about this awful guy i work with! said guy, we'll call him don which of course isnt his actual name, is so annoying. for the record, i helped train him, so its not like he's been here for long time. less than a year. anyway, don thinks he's smarter and better than everyone else. he knows everything and everyone else is wrong if they disagree with what he's saying. he's always talking about people behind their backs, and complaining about how no one does their job right, but i guess he does. he's also always spewing some bs about "you should work for satisfaction not money" (girl why are you here then? you hate this job) and "if you really want something you'll get it because you'll do anything for it" and other classist bullshit.

he'll complain about two of our coworkers specifically, who we'll call gina and ben. gina is an older woman, and don is always talking about how she leaves the register to make coffee every hour (gas station, coffee is made every two hours or as needed) and is always away doing something even if there's a line. he also has made some weird comments about the old men who come in and talk to her. he talks about ben the most though, saying he doesnt do anything, he's always disappearing (which, yeah, he does sometimes, but usually i can track him down because i know what he's doing) and calling off (which he used to do, but now he calls off only occasionally, and is definitely not the worst offender in terms of calling off all the time). its also worth noting that ben and gina have been here for years, through multiple managers and store leads and rounds of employees. now, when don and i are at the register, don is usually occupied with stocking cigarettes and the other nicotine products up there, and its nice to have that stuff done, but that means i am the only one ringing people out. even if theres a line. so if someone else leaves him alone at the register, its a problem, but if he leaves me alone, its fine. another thing about ben he doesnt like is his tattoos. ben is a young guy with a ton of tattoos, including face tattoos, and some piercings. don doesn't like that. he was talking about this the other day to me, and he was saying how "businesss shouldn't hire people with tattoos, i wouldn't" (when I told the store lead he said "but there are professionals with tattoos?"), and first off, this is a gas station honey. what i said to don was, "I don't know, I still think those people deserve to eat." he replies, "I don't." i don't know what to say to that.

he also doesn't like me I don't think. we were talking about stuff we have to do, and got on the topic of outside trash, and I said, "Yeah, if I could do outside trash I would, but because of my hand I can't lift the pump trash lids." i have an ongoing issue with my left hand that we think is tendonitis but we aren't sure, and basically i can't put any pressure on any part of my thumb/that part of my palm. to lift the pump trash lids, you have to push inward on the sides with your palm and lift up. obviously i cant do that. but i can lift propane tanks because that's mostly on my fingers. he tells me, "man, i wish i had a brace i could just put in when i didn't want to do something."

my man the other day i sat down on the floor to look for something and i thought it was healed but as soon as i leaned on it i fell because of how much it hurt. I've tried to do pump trash with it, it made it worse.

going back in time, he said something to me that i didn't think much of at the time. he looked up and saod "that's who you remind me of!" and said my voice sounded like his ex girlfriend's. at first i was like okay. whatever. but he mentioned it again later in a way that infuriated me and im about to tell you why.

so, he was going off about "how you should only eat between these times of the day" (directed at me because i mentioned my breakfast that morning? my dude i get up at six for this shift.) and then going off about circadian rhythms and how theres a single set one (which is not true!) and i mentioned that one if the symptoms of adhd is having a circadian rhythm thats out of sync (he knows i have adhd). and then he starts going off about how "no its not, tell me that when its in a medical book" (girl? maybe look at one that isnt outdated) and then that adhd is overdiagnosed (untrue and also a googleable statistic) and pretty much implying that i was just saying i had it to be special and not have to do things, which infuriated me because thats what everyone says about it and what ive been told my whole life, to the point my mom literally had to threaten several schools with legal action because they would not follow my IEP, and then when i said "hey, I'm the one living with this, you aren't," he said "kelly! kelly! you sound so much like her! you're just kelly to me!"

obviously that's kind of a fucked up thing to say.

some other things i hate about this man is that he gets really aggressive when he's frustrated. one day he started slamming things down as he was stocking. he even does it in front of customers! also, as a cherry on top, he was talking to our coworker, and found out she had a lot of black friends, and called her a [n word] lover.

i also know that im not the only person who has problems with him. literally no one likes him. he's always complaining that someone else isnt doing their job right and "if *I* were the manager" and stuff like that. it might be worth mentioning that i only complained because someone suggested i do. i was just going to tough it out for a while since im going back to school soon and will only be dealing with him once a month

one of my coworkers gave me her number if i ever wanted to talk about it, and the store lead said he would try to talk to him (without mentioning me), and this definitely wasn't okay for him to be doing, so we'll see how this goes. also, i think the store lead kept me in the office talking with him (about school and the pandemic and other stuff) for an hour ish so that i wouldn't have to deal with him, since don leaves after an hour of me being there during the week (but we have six hours together on the weekend) so that was nice.

sorry for the long ask. tldr this guys just an all around asshole who doesnt shut up and thinks he's superior to everyone else but my other coworkers are nice people

[hanayanaa]

oops I slept all day again but i had some really cool ass dreams and I wanted to finish them lmfao

1) i was al and he had killed himself and came back as a ghost and the majority of the dream was just floating around random places and into them. we did so many home invasions.

i went to his old school to traumatize his old bullies with his ghostly form

i think he comes back to life maybe at the end im not sure because i remember rosie supporting him walking cuz he wasn't too stable on his feet for some reason

also we went to sheldons house for some reason and he lived in this gas station looking thing and you had to go down stairs and through security and gates like damn dude who's coming here

2) ame was in octo ex except she skipped levels so this one was like, practice which was bullshit

anyway we were in a mall and we got to explore around and it was a reused brain location it was cool as hell i wish it was real! anyway it was all a simulation and no one could actually interact or see her but she had a really fun time running around the mall, couldn't really buy anything though. all the exits and shops were barried off invisible force field style

she got some money for bao to eat before she started the test

the test was weird it was timed and the tasks were like "pet this frog" "brush this turtle" warioware ass shit...

the one I remember specifically was the final one where she had to finish this meal which was a burger. she (me) asked if she could not eat the tomatoes and tartar disembodied ai voice was like sure but you have to eat all of the rest of the burger. and like she dropped some onion rings on the floor somehow and had to eat it off the floor as per the rules 😭

also there was a side of bulgolgi with the burger idk why. No rice just meat. She took it to go it was good i think

anyway she successfully passed but was obviously grossed out by having to eat public floor onion rings, but she got money and food for passing so...

also for some reason as she was on her way to the elevator to leave the mall testing area she was chased by a creepypasta sonic that was kinda scary as shit okay!

also there were ads for the bulgolgi burger place in the elevator LMAO

3) same setting, ame is in octo ex, but the task this time was to like, scoop as much random shit from these barrels with a pair of tongs as u could. however this was knockout style, there were 3 other people, and one of them was ame's mom. Actually my mom in the dream but via dream logic it was ames mom. the other two were random hs classmates i think they're unimportant and I forgot lmao. anyway the winner got to move on but everyone else would be executed...

the supermarket was like hmart but one that doesn't exist. it was kinda like one i frequent but the layout was fucked up. anyway the shit in the barrels was literally random, there was sushi and watermelons and bottles of tea and frozen food but if u could pick it up you won and also you'd get to keep it although the stuff in the barrel was decoys. Allegedly. It was definitely real food being fumbled around but whatever.

anyway I developed a method to pick them up fairly easily which was to actually just balance them instead of using the giant ass tongs which thinking back should be a worse strategy but whatever 🤷🏻‍♀️ dream logic ig

i had piles and piles of stuff while the two randos were fumbling and my mom was doing fine, but ended up helping me instead of finishing hers

i ran out of stuff to pick up and started picking up random shit from nearby shelves and tartar yelled at me

in the end i (ame) won and so everyone else was to die and then I got distracted thinking about how i could incorporate these dreams into ame's canon story somehow bc they gave me emotions but i don't think it would make sense for her to have a dead mom in my story idrk. anyway cuz of that I never really finished that dream properly and that's probably a good thing bc it'd be weird to see your mom die via goop telephone

that's it I think lmao it's pitch black now oopsie. i actually woke up at 10 and then went back to sleep #fuck

wait bonus dream from proper sleep hours:

4) i was chasing my friend mozzy around in alterna, she had a squeezer and i had this fucked up in-between gun of splash and jet squelcher and it looked like a hand drill. moz could self heal but it was like potions so she was kinda fucked if it ran out HOWEVER! some dude who was a capybara came over and set me on minecraft fire and i was so flabbergasted I just stood there and died 👍

and that was the entire dream it was the shortest one I've ever had

[rebsrebsrebsrebs]

for when you have some free time: roadtrip hcs with the demon bros? love you 🥺💖

I love you too!! I waffled back and forth on whether to make this a two-car journey or a van trip, but then I remembered every van road trip I've been on has been fucking wild, and that to do anything else would be doing you a disservice.

Lucifer

Role: Driver, first shift

Strict perfectionist. Goes exactly the speed limit, especially during sharp curves and construction zones

Requires absolute silence or an orchestral soundtrack to drive, passes NOBODY the aux cord

Makes perfect stops at stoplights, always keeps the correct distance behind the car in front of him

Always uses his turn signal

WILL turn the van around if things get too chaotic

Mammon

Role: Driver, second shift

Not as uppity about driving conditions, nor about the rules

He speeds but not too much, he saves the real speed demon shit for somewhere that isn't full of other people

Usually uses his turn signal but not always

Occasionally will yell at other drivers who pull dick moves on the road

Capable of jamming and driving at the same time

Especially hates the sound of the rumble strips on the side of the road

Levi

Role: Navigator, first shift

Between his admiralty and game experience he can read maps like nobody's business

Which is good, because Lucifer insists on using a paper map or a Mapquest printout, probably

please tell me im not the only one who used printed mapquest directions

Never misses a turn, can likely identify faster routes (even if they go against Satan's well-laid plans)

Tries to negotiate that he should get DJ privileges since he's navigating, but settles for Lucifer's orchestral tunes if it's a TSL soundtrack. Compromise

He naps when Mammon drives because Mammon just uses the GPS on his phone

The rest of the brothers are under the cut!

Satan

Role: Trip planner

He puts together the logistics for the trip from start to finish

Determines the best route for the trip while taking into account fuel efficiency, scenic routes, gas stations, hotel stops, and local restaurants that he deems worth stopping at

Recruits Mammon to do the gas and money math while he pores over restaurant and hotel reviews

Also makes an itinerary for the destination as well 

Listens to audiobooks during the trip because reading in the car will give him motion sickness

Will prioritize the experience over the time. If stopping at a famous diner for lunch adds an extra 45 minutes to the drive, then so be it

Asmo

Role: DJ, second shift

Has a carefully curated playlist to make the time pass faster via jams and bops

He and Mammon have similar taste in party tunes

So it's a two man karaoke show in the front seat for second shift

Those who are trying to sleep may need to get magically knocked out by Belphie

Asmo and Mammon are not sorry at all

Also if the song playing is a duet they'll each get their own part. Occasionally they'll fight over who is who but then the singing starts and they fall into a rhythm

Beel

Role: Snackmaster

Makes sure that the car is packed with drinks and snacks

Takes everyone's favorites into consideration

Also passes the snacks around and as such is located centrally in the van for easy access

Is the one who reminds the driver that bathroom breaks are needed and points out rest stops

Thanks Satan for finding the best restaurants on the route

Belphie

Role: Sleep administrator

You know this boy is asleep for most of the time

So he's not allowed to drive and just, is a lump in the back row of seats

He will occasionally wake up and remind the drivers to switch places, since it's unsafe to drive while sleepy

"I'm not actually tired," says Lucifer

"Bullshit," says Belphie

Take a fucking nap Lucifer, it's sleep magic time, nighty night

masterlist

[moxfirefly]

Hi! Can I request 60.“Can we just pretend like we’re normal for once?” with 12. Make Up sex with Hellboy, please? Maybe you could slip in there a first "I love you"? Thanks <33

Ufff yes this is exactly up my alley!

Rated Explicit (18+ Only)

Hellboy was always aware that normalcy would never be part of his vocabulary. It was a bed he had made and had to lie in it, acceptance was key even if deep down it simply hurt to live with it.

There were times where it took a backseat in his head. There needn’t be so much time dedicated to being upset that he just couldn’t step out and live a normal life with you.

So naturally there was always the one little fight he tended to avoid and you wished didn’t happen, but the two of you had found one another in it. Because Hellboy often wonders when the day will hit you, where you’re done with this, the Bureau and by proxy, himself.

You naturally do you best to reassure him, in big ways and small ways, in any possible way that can drive it through his thick skull.

There isn’t nowhere you’d want to be right now. It’s him, it’s gonna always be him.

But sometimes your frustration rises and joins his and it’s two clouded souls trying to fight over loving one another. This pesky wound decides to open up one evening in the middle of nowhere when the two of you sneak out for a drive at night. Hellboy wants to take you somewhere, anywhere where he can give you that cheesy dinner and a movie, or to simply go off to a show and watch the band you both love play.

You reassure him once again, just as you have that you don’t care so long you got him. Hellboy gets off the lonely highway and into what you assume are the acres of some farm house and kills the truck.

“You keep saying that, you keep saying it like maybe that’s gonna be your mantra forever” He looks defeated, somewhere between stewing and depleated.

“I keep saying it because I mean, Red, I want this and I want us why is it so hard for you to accept it?” You reach for his hand, his stone hand but he doesn’t want any of it. You sigh, rubbing your hand down your thighs trying to quell the steam inside of you.

“You wanna keep having this argument or do you want to actually enjoy our time? Let’s keep driving around, we’ll find a gas station and I’ll get us some beers” There’s an attempt to place a bandaid on the problem but Hellboy isn’t budging. “Babe please, it’ll be a few hours before they call us in, I told Alice to stall in case it’s sooner” This time you grab his hand, running soothing lines up the stone.

“We can’t even do this, fuck” He gets out of the car in a whirlwind of disenchantment. The stars look incredible out here, none of that light pollution bullshit back home. Hellboy takes a breath and counts to ten, then he hears your door slam and the sounds of foot fall on the grass. He turns quickly to see you walking away.

“Y/n?! The hell are you doing?!” He watches you turn around, arms crossed and somewhat red faced. “I’m giving you all the typical crap that comes in a ‘normal’ relationship! You want a scene?! Well here’s me causing one, just picture everybody giving us a good side eye!” You turned again and began to walk, you could make out Hellboy’s cussing as he got back in the truck and turned it on.

The squeak of the wheels abruptly turning was the only other sound in the middle of desolate highway. He drove up next to you and roll down the window. “You can’t be serious! Just get in the car!” You pull your jacket closer to you and continue your trek, Hellboy grunts. “Babe listen! I know I’m being impossible but so are you right about now!” You huff out a bitter laugh.

“I have to be because your so thick headed! Look at us! We’re supposed to be having fun and making out and drinking! But maybe I’ll end up in a corn field and I’ll let the aliens take me!” You stomped in frustration. “Don’t you even joke about that! Get in the car, please! Y/n im serious please!” He stopped the truck and opened the door for you.

You turned to look at him, still upset, arms crossed and positively fuming. Nevertheless you got in, closing the door a little too hard for your own liking.

“Can we just pretend like we’re normal for once? And I’m not talking your idea of normal, I’m talking normal us, regular us where we fight about who the better frontman of Van Halen was and we watch dumb old cartoons and make out till our mouths hurt”You let out a long breath, enunciating each demand with a smack on your thighs.

“...It’s Sammy Hagar and you know it” You whipped your head towards him, there was that knowing smile on his dumb handsome face and you felt like screaming. “Hellboy I swear if we have this argument again-“ You chuckle shaking your head.

“Don’t get me wrong David Lee Roth had the showmanship, but Sammy’s got the voice” You smack his stone arm, hating how much you love his smile. “David was the heart and Eddie was the soul, Sammy had none of that and keep that big trap of yours shut, you know what I meant, I don’t want us fighting over ‘this’ ever again, I love you too much to want to waste time on something trivial as looks and typical dates, I love our brand of dates-“

“You love me?” Hellboy cut your tirade off.

You feel yourself blush, the heat rising up your neck towards your cheeks. You look at him and feel your stomach do somersaults. Before you can ask him anything he’s leaning in and catching those lips of yours. You kiss back with as much need but pull away shortly. “I’m still pissed at you” You go in again kissing him with a force you didn’t expect to be coupled with your frustrations from tonight.

In those very minutes lost against his lips you feel yourself need and want him more than ever. In your heated make out you kick off your shoes, fingers fighting with the buttons of your jeans. Hellboy catches wind of what’s happening, left hand going to his un button and fly. With some effort you manage to kick off your jeans and climb on top of him, straddling his lap before continuing to kiss him with desire.

“Please Red, please” You whisper against his lips. Hellboy grabs your rear possesively, as you reach between the two of you and pull out his hard cock. There’s a wince of pleasure as you grip him, you lick your palm wrap it once more to add a little more lubrication to this. Hellboy kisses you when he starts to breach you and that initial stretch always knocks the wind out of you. “Fucking hell Y/n” Hellboy grunts right against your jaw. You sway your hips in that very precise moment causing him bury his face right against your throat. Gripping a chunk of his dark locks you move against him wantonly.

It feels so humid inside the trucks, the condensation being evidence enough of your desires. Thrusting down onto him the two continue to kiss, to touch and savor this moment. At some point your rear hits the car horn several times but there’s no one for miles and all you care about is Hellboy’s mouth on your chest, with your now discarded shirt somewhere in the Truck. “I’m-fuckfuck-sorry for being stubborn” He groans out while wrapped around, nosing a spot behind your ear. You somehow find a way to hold on just a little more tightly, chasing that impending high.

Stubborn isn’t adjective enough but god you understand and without the ability to form a cohesive sentence from your constant moaning you simply nod vigorously. Somewhere between that weightless drop and your orgasm hitting you you hear him and feel him say ‘I love you too’ right against the corner of your mouth.

You collapse against him, the sensation of him filling you up so warm and full. He’s breathing hard against your neck, sweat covering the two of you as the come down hits slowly.

“We should never fight, unless we’re guaranteed to make up like this again” You announce which only makes Hellboy’s laughter vibrate against your skin.

[vintagedolan]

cross country (gbd)

description: when you get stuck in california during quarantine with a dwindling lease at the dolan’s house, grayson wants nothing more than for you to get to new jersey with him

word count: 4.5k

warnings/tags: fluff, this is literally um the softest thing i’ve written???, quarantine/COVID, grayson spoiling Y/N, you get the picture hehe

feel free to send in requests! i’ll write most things! hope you enjoy, send me some feedback and I’ll give you my eternal love :)

You never wanted to lift another box in your whole life, that was for damn sure. There was sweat running down your forehead as you lifted the next one, carrying the cardboard all the way through the house into the living room, which was becoming a huge pile of everything that the twins had acquired over their years in LA. 

The plan was simple: the boys were going home to jersey to see their mom before the quarantine got too serious, and then they were coming right back because they needed to find a place in LA, seeing that their lease was ending. 

Well, needless to say, that plan had gone to absolute shit. And that meant you were thousands of miles away from Grayson, and had three days before you would be homeless. 

Lovely. 

The nice thing about it was that you didn’t have much time to mope - since the boys were still in jersey, all the packing was left up to you. And while you were efficient, it didn’t mean it wasn’t a lot of fucking work. 

You went back into Ethan’s room, getting another box of clothes. As you walked, your phone vibrated in the pocket on the side of your leggings. You knew who it was, but you waited until you got to the living room and sat the box down to answer it. 

A facetime from Grayson. That brightened your mood considerably. 

When you swiped over, you immediately relaxed a bit at the sight of his face. His hair was getting so long during quarantine, and it was pushed back with a headband he’d borrowed from his mom, no doubt. He was in a tshirt, which was different than the rest of the times he’d called you. Which was about ten times a day.

“Hey baby,” you smiled at him, catching your breath as you walked back to your shared room. As much as you wanted to sit down and relax and talk to your boyfriend, there wasn’t enough time for all that.  

“You look exhausted,” was the first thing he said. 

“Wow, thank you so much, love you too,” you teased. 

“You look beautiful, you know that’s not what I meant. I’m just saying that-”

“I’m kidding Gray. And before you start worrying for the hundredth time today, I’m fine,” you reminded him as you pulled out a dresser drawer you shared, beginning to transfer the clothes into yet another box. He watched you work with sad eyes, and you knew what was coming before he said it.

“I feel like shit that you’re doing all this work.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“But I do.”

“Would you do it for me? If you were stuck across the country in my house-”

“Our house,” he corrected. You couldn’t tell if he was referring to sharing with you or with Ethan, or both, but you kept going regardless.

“Okay, stuck in our house, and I needed to pack it all up, would you do it for me?”

He hesitated, and you knew he didn’t have a good response to that.

“That’s different,” was his only comeback, and you laughed a bit.

“Bullshit. You’re just mad because I’m gonna have to wear all your clothes cause none of mine will fit over my new muscles,” you joked, flexing your scrawny arms. You knew you looked dumb, but it got the laugh out of Grayson that you were hoping for, and that’s all that mattered.

“Right, you act like you don’t just wear my clothes all the time anyways. I’m not even sure you have any clothes of your own,” he teased, running a hand through his hair.

“Oh really? I could have sworn these were mine.” You dug around the drawer, finding a particularly nice pair of lace panties, holding them up to the screen. He groaned, falling out of screen for a moment. It took a second for you to realize he’d fallen back on the bed. 

“You don’t play fair,” he said once he moved his phone back to his face. “I miss you so fuckin’ much, you have no idea.” 

You were pretty sure you had an idea. This was now week four without seeing him in person, and it was actually awful. You’d known it would suck, but you didn’t think it would hurt to be away from him. And you were doing everything you both could - facetime dates, phone calls, texting, he’d even written a letter to you. But there was just something about being in his arms, hearing his laugh without the distortion of a phone speaker, waking up next to him; it couldn’t be replaced. 

Which meant you needed to mention your plan. 

“I wanna come to jersey,” you started.

“You know I would kill to have you here baby, you know that.”

“Grayson, the lease is ending. I think that counts as a reason for emergency travel. I mean, I’m technically gonna be homeless,” you reminded him. “And I know I can stay with Shane, or with Jeffree.” They had been nice enough to offer. Hell, Jeffree was letting the boys store everything at his house, even the cars. “But I wanna be with you.” 

“I don’t want you on a plane. You could get sick.”

“I won’t fly. I’ll take the van. I mean, that’s why you built it, isn’t it?” 

“Y/N...”

“I know, it seems crazy. But if I split it up into three days, I could do it. I’d be careful at gas stations, pack up enough food to last me. You know I can drive for forever, I could probably pull 15 hours or so a day, that would get me back pretty quick, and I’d be safe.”

“Safe,” he breathed, shaking his head. “Y/N, I was sketched out sleeping in that thing with two other grown men with me. The thought of you sleeping in there, alone in some parking lot...” he trailed off. “No. It’s too risky.”

“Gray-”

“Baby I want you here more than anything. Not knowing when I’m gonna see you again is actually killing me, but I’m not putting you at risk over that.”

“Okay, well, let’s compromise then. What would make you feel safer about it?” 

“You not doing it,” he said bluntly.

“Be serious babe.”

“You sleeping alone out there. I know you’d be fine with the driving, but I’m not okay with you sleeping in the van by yourself.”

“Okay...” you paused for a minute, trying to think of a solution. “Okay, what if I drove at night, and then I slept during the day? Less people on the roads, and I think we’d both feel safer if I was sleeping during the daylight. Would that work?” 

“That’s better. I still don’t love it. I’m not trying to be difficult, I just, I don’t want anything to happen to you,” he mumbled, picking at the fabric on his blanket.

“I know that baby, to be honest the thought of sleeping in there alone scares me a little bit too. But I’m willing to do it if it means I get to see you.” 

Grayson was silent for a while. You knew he was fighting with himself, and that he probably felt selfish for even considering giving in. But you also knew, deep down, you were going to do it no matter how much he protested. So you were glad when he finally conceded with a simple “I love you”. 

Now, with the realization that you were going to see him in just a few days, your motivation was renewed ten fold, and you got to work.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

night one

You would have thought it wouldn’t be hard to get to sleep after the day you’d had. 

You were wrong.

The furniture had been moved out - Jeffree had been nice enough to hire a few movers to come get the furniture and the cars. Now, the house lay empty besides your bags that would go with you in the van, and you couldn’t wait to get on the road. Correction; you couldn’t wait to get to Grayson. The thought of seeing him again gave you butterflies. 

Once everything was done and final, you drug a few of the cushions out of the bed in the van, bringing them into the air conditioning so you could try to snag a few hours of sleep. 

While you managed to get a bit of rest, it was mostly futile. The quicker you got on the road, the quicker you’d get to jersey.

So with that, you packed up the van with all the food and snacks you had, reassembled the bed, tossed your bag in and climbed in the drivers seat.

I’m leaving, see you so soon!!!!!! you sent to Grayson, not being able to contain your excitement. 

4pm is not a night drive... he responded quickly.

shut up im excited BE EXCITED

you know i’m excited. be careful, I’ll call you in a little while x

With that, you drove out of the driveway for the last time, with New Jersey in the GPS. 

And the drive wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Grayson called you around 7pm to check on you and keep you company. You ate the sandwich you’d made as the sun set, and you continued down the road. It was peaceful if you were honest, and the van drove so nicely - Grayson really had done a good job. 

Although he tried to stay up, Grayson’s snoring took over around 11pm (2am jersey time you reminded yourself), so you hung up and starting blasting some of your favorite tunes to keep you alert and awake. Not having any traffic was a bonus, and you were amazed with the progress you were making. By the time the sun came up, you were already in Colorado. You resorted to driving until around ten, which landed you about at the border of Nebraska after a whopping 18 hours. You pulled into a non-sketchy looking parking lot, relieved that you’d found one.

I’m stopping to sleep for a few hours. I love you!

You sent it and started rummaging around in your bag, finding your toothbrush, toothpaste and pajamas. You brushed your teeth outside using your water bottle, changing in the car and cuddling up in bed. The bedding smelled a bit like the boys, which was comforting. Just as you started the settle down, your phone rang, Grayson’s contact photo popping up. You swiped over to open it, happy to see his face. 

“Hey baby, I was just about to get some sleep actually,” you said. And now that you had laid down, you realized how tired you truly were.

“I know. I’ll mute my side so I don’t keep you up, but I’ll be here in case you need me,” he said casually.

“Grayson you don’t have to-”

“I want to. It’ll make me feel better, knowing someone is watching out for you while you’re asleep.” 

It was so sweet that you started to tear up, so you just buried your face in the pillow instead.

“I love you.”

“I love you too baby, get some sleep.”

And you did.

-------------------------------------------------------------

night two

You woke up around five, fully refreshed - other than feeling like you needed a shower. You stretched out before getting up and heading to brush your teeth. When you got back in the van you got changed into some of the clothes you brought, happy to have on something fresh.

“That’s my hoodie.” The male voice startled you and you squealed, covering yourself.

“Baby it’s just me! It’s me!” It took you a minute to realize that it was Grayson speaking to you from your phone, which also was pointed where he could see you.

“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me!” You huffed, pulling the fabric over your head.

“Sorry, I was just enjoying the show,” he blushed, smirking at you a bit. You rolled your eyes, but giggled with him as you climbed into the drivers seat once again, pulling out the dinner you had packed, deciding to eat a bit before getting back on the road. 

“I can’t wait to see you,” Grayson sighed. You looked at your screen closely and realized he was in his workshop.

“I’ll be there so soon. Now, go build some stuff, I’m all safe and awake now. I love you,” you smiled, knowing he would never be the first to hang up. 

“Okay baby. Drive safe, call me if you get bored.” 

“I will, love you!” 

And so you took off, heading through Nebraska. The states seemed to be getting quicker now as you passed through Iowa, then Illinois, and even Indiana. Grayson called, and even Ethan kept you company for a few hours on the drive, making it go by fast. By the time you got to Ohio, the sun was high in the sky and you realized you actually weren’t that far from jersey. Only another seven hours, and if you kept driving, it would put you at their house around 7pm. You thought about the cold brew that you’d stashed in the fridge in case you’d struggled through the nights.

You could use it, and you could make it. In all honesty, you weren’t even that tired as the excitement started to mount. 

But you also knew that Grayson would rather you just sleep, and that he was going to call you again. So, you had to hatch a plan. 

You pulled into a nice looking parking lot, prepared to set it into motion.

You changed into your pajama shirt, taking your hair out of it’s bun so it looked like you were getting ready to go to bed. Taking a deep breath, you facetimed Gray.

“Is it bedtime?” was how he answered, making you laugh. He was in the kitchen at home, making lunch you were sure.

“Yeah, I made some good progress! I should be getting in around 8am or so tomorrow morning,” you explained, hoping he couldn’t see through you. 

“I can’t wait. I’m gonna pamper you so hard for all the work you did, that’s a promise.” 

Your heart fluttered at his words.

“I can’t wait. But I’ve got sad news.”

He perked up at that, putting down the spatula he was using.

“My phone is kinda low on battery, so I don’t think we can facetime tonight. I don’t want it to be dead in the morning, and I can’t run the van,” you sighed, faking sadness. 

“Are you in a safe area?” 

“Yeah, I feel totally safe here. See, look.” You turned the phone around, showing him the lot you were in. 

He wasn’t happy about it you could tell, but he trusted you. And thinking about how excited he would be made you feel less bad about your white lie. 

“Well, okay. Just text me when you wake up okay? I love you.”

“Love you more!”

“Doubtful. Get some rest,” he smiled, hanging up. 

“Ha!” you exclaimed to yourself, smiling and fist pumping the air. Wow. You really were going crazy after being alone so long. You climbed in the driver’s seat again, pulling the cold brew out of the fridge and popping it open as you started to drive again. 

At first you were so excited that it felt like time was flying, but by the last few hours it was dragging by. The sun set, and the kiss of dusk was hanging over the trees as you got closer and closer. 

But when the GPS changed from hours to minutes, and the roads changed from interstates to back roads, you were fully awake once again. You’d actually managed to pull off almost 24 hours of straight driving. When you pulled into the driveway, there was a gate and armed security - the same ones that the boys had hired in LA.

“Hey guys, I’m early, I’m here to surprise Gray,” you explained. They were sweet like usual and happily let you through, closing the gate behind you. With some renewed energy, you stopped the van and brushed your teeth again - in all honesty, you felt disgusting and couldn’t wait for a shower, but the coffee breath was a definite no go. If you were going to kiss Grayson for the first time in a freakin month, you didn’t want to be worried about anything. 

Once you were back in the drivers seat, it was time for a little fun. 

You pulled your phone out, facetiming Grayson and driving super slow. He picked up quickly, concern on his face.

“Is something wrong?” was the first thing he asked.

“No, i’m okay. I started driving again cause I couldn’t sleep, but now I’m lost. My GPS took me onto some long ass gravel road, and now I’m surrounded by trees and I have no clue where I am,” you ranted, using every ounce of acting ability you had to not tip him off. 

“Slow down, hey it’s alright. Why don’t you just turn around and go back the way you came, and then we can figure it out.”

“I don’t know, I think theres a building or something up ahead of me, maybe a store? I could ask somebody for directions?”

“I’d rather you just go back. I don’t trust some random store at the end of some sus ass road. Just turn around baby,” he pleaded, getting a bit panicked. Luckily, you knew it wouldn’t last long because you were already in front of the house. You cut the lights on the van.

“Here, you tell me if it’s sus. What do you think?” You flipped the camera around, showing him the house. 

“I mean - wait. WAIT. WHAT? WHAT!? NO FUCKIN WAY,” he yelled, obviously freaking out. You laughed, hanging up the call and waiting for the inevitable. Sure enough, you’d barely gotten the driver door open when Grayson came barreling out of the front door. 

You couldn’t contain your excitement as you unbuckled your seatbelt and started to climb down. Grayson beat you to it, coming to the opening of the door and reaching up to pull you out of the car. You were laughing as he grabbed you, wrapping you up in his arms. 

“No fuckin way, no fuckin way that you’re actually here right now! What the fuck!” 

“Surprise!” 

“Did you drive all night? Or all day? I just... WHAT!?” He was truly speechless and it was the most adorable thing in the world. He leaned back slightly so he could look at you, eyes wide with amazement.

“Maybe,” you grinned, shrugging. 

“God I love you. C’mere.” His hands slid down to your hips, then around to your ass and you knew exactly what he wanted. You jumped and he caught you as your legs went around his waist, and then his lips were on yours.

It was like the best first kiss you could possibly imagine. You’d thought about kissing him constantly while you were apart, but you were realizing that it had done this no justice. His lips were soft and warm against yours, the taste of him familiar and wonderful. Your hair started to move in the wind and you realized that he was spinning the two of you around, his boots crunching on the gravel beneath you. You could feel the smile on his face as you kissed him, never wanting it to end.

“Ewwwww,” was the only thing that could have brought you out of it, and sure enough, it did. Ethan was on the porch, leaning against the pillars. Despite his words, he was grinning from ear to ear. 

“Hey E,” you smiled, laughing a bit at how you must look right now, waving at him while Grayson was still holding you up. 

“Go say hi, I’ll get your stuff,” Grayson smiled, kissing your temple and putting you down. You turned and jogged towards Ethan, who gave you the biggest bear hug, even spinning you around a little bit.

“Missed you squirt,” he teased, swaying back and forth a bit.

“Missed you too,” you grinned, squeezing him tightly.

“Thanks again for uh saving all our possessions and moving all our shit.”

“You’re very welcome. And you also have a shoe problem, just so you know,” you teased.

“I do not!” He exclaimed, putting you in a bit of a head lock and rustling your hair. You pushed against him but it was futile, and you were stuck until Grayson came back and saved you.

“C’mon, let’s go say hi to mom and get you to a nice bed,” he smiled, putting an arm around your shoulders and leading you inside. You’d only been to the house in Jersey a few times, and it was under renovation, so the finished product was a very welcome sight. It was all light walls and tables with dark finishes, cozy yet bright at the same time, even at night. 

Lisa came around the corner, lighting up when she noticed you were there.

“Y/N! Grayson told me you weren’t gonna be here until tomorrow!” She gave him a bit of a scolding look, which made you laugh.

“That’s on me Li, I got a little too impatient and decide to drive on through,” you explained, accepting the hug she gave you.

“Well you must be exhausted, you go on upstairs and get some rest, we can catch up tomorrow,” she assured you, giving  you another squeeze before letting you go.

You didn’t even try for the boys bedroom - you knew that Grayson had been sleeping in the laundry room. So you headed in that direction, Gray in tow with your duffle bag in hand. As you saw the coziness of the bed, every last bit of energy you had drained from you. The crash was coming, and it was coming soon.

“You ready to sleep?”

“As tempting as that sounds, I really need to shower, I feel disgusting,” you mumbled. Just twenty minutes, and you would be able to sleep. You could do that, for sure. 

“Okay, here I’ll get you a towel and stuff, you remember where it is?” 

“Yep, I’ll be there in a second.” 

You rummaged through your bag, finding your toiletries and some clothes. But when you saw Grayson’s stack of shirts, you couldn’t help but snag one. Everything you’d had at the house had lost it’s scent, and you couldn’t help but breathe it in for a second before heading to the bathroom.

When you got there, Grayson was laying out two towels, and already had his shirt off. You stared for a moment, taking it all in, but even with the view your eyelids were heavy. You were fading, fast, and you had the sudden realization that if you all tried to have reunion sex later, you would probably be so exhausted you wouldn’t be able to enjoy it. And you really wanted to enjoy it. 

“Gray,” you said, walking over to him.

“Did you find everything you needed? I’m sure mom has some extra stuff if you need it.”

“No I’m good, I have everything. It’s just-” 

He looked up then, cocking an eyebrow. It took him a minute, but when it clicked you saw him smile softly, coming over to you.

“It’s not about that. I just wanna take care of you, that’s all. I figured you’d be too tired,” he explained.

“I’m sorry baby.”

He just kissed you, hands finding the hem of your shirt and pulling it over your head.

“No apologies necessary. C’mon, let’s get you clean.” 

You both stripped down the rest of the way and he turned on the shower, which was huge. The tile was white and marble like, and the water pressure made you feel like you were in a spa as you brought your toiletries in. Grayson washed his hair quickly while you let the water run over you, and when he was done you felt his hands find your shoulders, rubbing at the knots he found with his thumbs. You relaxed back into his touch, closing your eyes and resting your back on his chest. 

“Let me get your hair,” he said, reaching behind him to get the shampoo. You didn’t have a care in the world as he worked the suds through your scalp, making sure to get every bit of it before he started to rinse it out. By the time he made it to washing your body you were practically melted, so lost in the relaxation that you weren’t even sure it was real.

“You’re humming,” Grayson teased, pressing a kiss to your shoulder after you were rinsed off.

“Am I?” You mumbled, eyes still closed.

“Let’s get you dry before you pass out on me.” You could hear the smile in his voice as he helped you out of the shower, wrapping you up in a towel and kissing your nose. “You should let me do this more often.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, his statement waking you up a bit as you started drying yourself off.

“Well, you are miss independent you know. Miss ‘I can pack up an entire house with nobody’s help’ and ‘I can drive across the country solo, no big deal.’ I like when you let me take care of you sometimes,” he mused, rubbing his towel over his body and hair quickly before pulling on his boxers.

“Does that mean I get a free ride to bed?” You teased, keeping it light hearted even though you were melting at his words.

“Not dripping wet you don’t,” he smiled, taking your towel and running it over your hair, making you giggle. You were sure it looked something like Albert Einstein when he pulled the fabric away, but he kissed you anyways, passing you a shirt, shorts and your undies. You put them all on quickly, your limbs heavy with fatigue.

“Alright, off to bed.” With that, he scooped you up bridal style, carrying you out the door, down the hall and into the laundry room. He sat you down gently on your feet for a moment, pulling the covers back and climbing in, immediately opening his arms for you. 

“I know you’re not tired,” you mumbled, crawling into bed and immediately resting your cheek on his chest. You put one leg over his, wrapping your arms around his bare chest as he pulled you closer to him, burying his face in your hair.

“Doesn’t matter. Not a place in the world I would rather be. Now sleep so I can spoil you like I had planned to tomorrow.”

If you’d had any energy left you would have questioned him, but instead you lulled off to sleep in his arms, more content than you could remember being in a long, long time. 

[generallynerdy]

Everything (Daryl Dixon X F!Reader ft. Baby Dixon)

Summary: Trudging into DC after the prison fell, Daryl Dixon thought he’d lost everything. Then Aaron came along with a picture of Daryl in his bag, claiming that (Y/N), his girl, his (Y/N) gave it to him for safe-keeping. At first, he didn’t believe it. But then Aaron told him something about (Y/N) that only the two of them were supposed to know-- and he started to believe that everything was waiting for him in Alexandria.

Key: (Y/N) - your name Warnings: cursing, mentions of death, some grieving, assumed death, pregnancy mentions, newborn babies, lots of emotions but they’re sweet i swear Word Count: 2,859 (praise paul i’m actually productive)

Note: woops im obsessed with twd again. Thanks for putting up with my long hiatus and enjoy! I may have ideas for a part 2 where daryl adjusts to fatherhood and then negan Fucks Shit Up-- you know, as he does. Then maybe part 3 after the time skip where beth and judith get up to Shenanigans?? Idk if i feel like writing it but it sounds fun so we’ll see

    In a barn not far from Alexandria, Aaron was having a rough day. It wasn’t bad-- not yet anyway-- but it did get significantly worse when Daryl Dixon shoved him against a wall.

    “Where the hell’d you get this!?” He was shouting as he put a knife to Aaron’s neck.

    See, Daryl had been perfectly content to leave the new guy to Rick and Michonne until something in his bag caught the archer’s attention. It was a picture-- a picture of Daryl.

    “Where’d you get it!?” He asked again.

    Rick took the picture from Daryl, getting a good look at it. It was taken from a guard tower back at the prison, one that was probably rubble now. Daryl was leaning over the guard rails, a cigarette in his hand and a smile on his face.

    “Where’s (Y/N)?” Daryl growled.

    Suddenly, it made sense to Rick. The picture belonged to (Y/N).

    “Back at my community,” Aaron said quickly. “She’s safe, I swear.”

    “You keeping her prisoner?” Rick questioned with a fire in his eyes, the one that was lit when others threatened his family.

    “No, no! God, no--!”

    Daryl interrupted. “Then why’s this with you?”

    “She gave it to me,” Aaron claimed firmly. “She gave it to me so that I’d know you if I ran into you, so I could bring you to her. I was hoping it would be a surprise, but--”

    “How do I know you ain’t lyin’?” Daryl shot back, unfaltering. “That she’s alive?”

    “Because she told me something, something only the two of you know.”

    After a pause, he lowered the knife. “Tell me.”

    Aaron glanced around the room. He wanted to keep this between them, as (Y/N) had asked him to. So, he looked back at Daryl, lowered his voice to a whisper, and said:

    “The baby’s okay.”

    The first week was the hardest. After the Governor, after Terminus, after Beth, all Daryl could think about was (Y/N).

    “We’ll find her, Daryl,” Rick kept saying. “We’ll find her.”

    But after days of searching and finding nothing, he was ready to give up. One night, Rick said it again and he just snapped.

    “We ain’t gonna find her!” he found himself shouting.

    “You don’t know that--”

    He cut his friend off. “Yeah, I do! ‘Cause we been lookin’ for days and ain’t nobody findin’ nothin’! (Y/N)’s dead, alright?! Give it up!”

    He stormed off, unsure if his last words were directed at Rick or himself.

    Later, Rick found him sitting in the woods by himself. He sat down beside him silently, waiting for a sign.

    “Sorry,” Daryl finally mumbled.

    “It’s okay. I know you and (Y/N) were close,” Rick sighed. “She was a damn good friend.”

    “I loved her.”

    The confession slipped out before he could stop it. Shame hit him as soon as he said it, his face going red.

    Rick turned to him with a raised eyebrow. “Yeah? You ever tell her?”

    “Every day,” Daryl finally admitted, a weight falling from his shoulders.

    His friend broke into a massive grin. “You two were together? Why didn’t you say anything?”

    “Didn’t want to with all the new people,” he shrugged. “She knew it’d freak me out.”

    “Did anybody know?”

    He paused before nodding. “Beth an’ Hershel.” Before Rick could ask why them, he went on. “Look, about (Y/N)--”

    He was cut off by the distant call of Rick’s name. The man in question sighed and, as he left, promised to finish their talk later. Daryl, however, took it as a sign and decided that it was already over.

    “It’s your decision,” Rick said later. “If you think she’s still out there, if you wanna stay, we will. We won’t stop looking.”

    Everyone knew it was hard for Daryl to make the call, but they didn’t know just how hard.

    He didn’t tell Rick why Hershel and Beth knew about him and (Y/N). He thought it was better to shoulder that weight himself-- the weight of leaving a pregnant woman behind.

    “What’d you say?”

    Daryl had frozen when Aaron said it. The question came out as a whisper, a horrified whisper, which was a tone that most present had never heard from him.

    Aaron nodded a single time, the epitome of understanding. “I think you heard me.”

    Daryl was suddenly overwhelmed. He took a threatening step forward, knife in his hand again. “You--”

    He apparently decided against skewering him, though. Instead, he stormed out of the barn like his feet were on fire, hiding his face and his unshed tears from the rest of the group, who stared at him questioningly.

    Rick was in Aaron’s face in an instant. “What did you say?”

    “You’d better ask him.”

    Without another word, Rick followed Daryl out of the barn, suddenly feeling like there was more to Daryl and (Y/N) than his brother had told him.

    Outside, Daryl found himself a tree and climbed it. Normally, he would’ve just sat down, but his hands felt like he needed to be doing something-- maybe punching someone-- so he climbed instead, ignoring the scratches the rough bark left on his palms.

    Once atop his chosen branch, it took everything Daryl Dixon had not to cry. His lips quivered as he stared out into nothing.

    He knew Rick was on his way over and he was begging himself to keep it together. This wasn’t what he needed, it wasn’t what the group needed. He needed to pull himself together and decide whether Aaron was telling the truth.

    But some part of him, deep down, already knew the answer. Why else would Aaron know that only (Y/N) and Daryl knew about the baby? She would never give that up to a captor.

    So, (Y/N) was still alive. She’d been alive this whole time and he hadn’t been looking for her. His child and his girl were out there alive and here he was, sitting on his ass in a damn tree, crying about it. He could hear Merle’s laughter in his head.

    But thank god for Rick Grimes.

    “Daryl?” He called up. “You good?”

    He let out a shaky breath, wiping at a few stray tears that had escaped. “Y-- yeah, yeah, ‘m fine,” he managed.

    Rick could tell it was bullshit, but he didn’t push. “Is he tellin’ the truth? Is (Y/N) with ‘em willingly?”

    “She told ‘im what she did by herself, if that’s what ya mean,” Daryl told him.

    There was a pause while Rick debated whether to ask him what Aaron had said or not. Daryl knew he had to tell him. The rest of the group wouldn’t just go on his word-- they needed Rick’s, too.

    “The baby’s okay.”

    Rick blinked a few times. “What?”

    Reluctantly, Daryl removed himself from the tree, landing on the ground in front of Rick. “What he said. He said the baby’s okay.”

    His friend’s eyes widened in sudden understanding. “(Y/N) was--?”

    “Yeah,” he mumbled, still not sure if he wanted it said aloud. “Beth an’ Hershel knew ‘cause (Y/N) an’ me were flippin’ our shit, not knowin’ what to do.”

    “So they’re okay?” Rick asked. “She and the baby-- Aaron said they’re okay?”

    Daryl nodded. “My kid’s okay.”

    His blood brother couldn’t help the smile that overtook him and he pulled the man into a tight hug. “We’re gonna figure this out,” Rick told him firmly. “We’re gonna get ‘em back.”

    “Put your weapons down!” (Y/N) found herself shouting from behind the cabinet.

    She’d found shelter in an abandoned house for the last day or so. She wished she could’ve kept staying in the old gas station she found, but unfortunately walkers decided otherwise.

    Two heads appeared from the doorway and soon enough both men had their hands in the air.

    “We don’t have any weapons,” the taller one said quickly. “We’re here to help.”

    (Y/N) stopped at that, a frown painting her expression. “What?”

    “We’ve been watching you,” the second man said. “You got close to our community, so we kept an eye on you.”

    “We wanna help,” his friend said, picking up where he left off. “I’m Aaron, this is Eric.”

    (Y/N) hesitated, her gun still lifted high at them. She hadn’t gotten off the floor, but her head peeked out from behind the cabinet just enough that they could see her.

    “Help? Why?”

    Aaron shook his head with a small smile. “What kind of people are we that would turn a blind eye to a pregnant woman in the middle of the apocalypse?”

    She had to pause for a moment. He was making a good case for himself.

    “What’s your name?” Eric asked.

    “(Y/N),” she muttered.

    Aaron frowned. “Have you always been alone?”

    “No.” She decided they were asking too many questions and lifted her gun again. “Tell me about your community.”

    “It’s called Alexandria,” Aaron told her. “It has massive steel walls-- they’ve been there since the beginning. Most of our people have never been outside. We have food, running water, solar power, a sewage system; you name it. It’s safe and it’s open to you.”

    “We have a doctor, too,” Eric interrupted. “He can help with the baby.”

    Almost as soon as the words left his mouth, a little cry sounded. Aaron’s eyes widened as (Y/N) moved to hold her baby.

    “You already--?” He gaped. “I’m so sorry. I hoped we’d be here before, so you didn’t have to deliver on your own out here.”

    (Y/N) shook her head, rocking the baby and whispering reassurances to it. “A doctor?” She asked them. “Walls? All of it? Can you prove it?”

    Aaron nodded, gesturing to his bag. “Yes. It’s all real, I swear. You just have to trust us.”

    Looking between these two men and her child, (Y/N) decided to take a risk. It was this or solitude-- again-- and that was something she wasn’t sure they would survive.

    Being interrogated by Deanna only made Daryl more twitchy. He’d been itching to go off and find (Y/N) since they walked in the gate. Aaron had wanted to take him immediately, but the woman in charge had different ideas.

    “I wanna see (Y/N),” Daryl had told her, refusing to go upstairs.

    “And you will,” she reassured. “But I need to do this first.”

    During the interview, she asked him about (Y/N), about the baby. He got a little defensive when she asked if it was his. Of course it was! God, she was getting on his nerves.

    Finally, finally, it was over and Daryl rushed downstairs again, intending on finding Aaron immediately.

    “Alright, Abraham, if you could--” Deanna began to say.

    She was interrupted when the door to the house creaked open. Eric walked, er, limped in first, followed by Aaron. He was leading (Y/N) in, but kept her eyes covered.

    “I hate surprises,” she told him.

    “Oh, you’ll love this one,” he laughed, meeting Daryl’s gaze. “Trust me.”

    Daryl’s heart wrenched. He couldn’t see her eyes yet and she had no idea he was there, but his heart was already torn in half. Tears came to his eyes and he dropped his crossbow. The others were awestruck as well, but none of their reactions compared to his.

    “Three, two, one, and--” Aaron removed his hands. “Ta-da!”

    The moment Aaron’s hands dropped, a strangled gasp escaped (Y/N)’s mouth. She covered it with her hands, eyes filling with tears.

    “Oh my god,” she sobbed.

    She threw herself at Daryl, who welcomed her with open arms. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, shoulders shaking as he wept with relief. He held her so tightly that it hurt, but she didn’t have the heart to tell him.

    “You’re alive,” she said finally when he lifted his head. She placed a gentle hand on his cheek. “Oh god, I thought I was alone.”

    “Thought I lost ya,” he murmured, pressing their foreheads together.

    Then, he kissed her-- that sweet, gentle kind of kiss he’d give her every morning when he was overwhelmed with the joy of waking up beside her. It was the same kiss they shared when he slipped into the guard tower each night, smiling like a stupid teenager who’d gotten a night alone with his girlfriend. That kiss was good as “I love you.”

    Behind Daryl, everyone but Rick gawked.

    “Right. Now might be the time to mention that they’ve been together the whole time,” the cowboy snorted.

    “Yes!” Carl cheered instantly. “Michonne, you owe me a Big Cat!”

    Glenn stammered. “Seriously?”

    Rick grinned almost mischievously. “It gets better.”

    He didn’t get the chance to explain himself, because (Y/N) pulled herself away from Daryl and looked over at him with a smile.

    “Hey, Rick.”

    “Hey, yourself,” he greeted back, lifting his arms for the inevitable hug.

    As she wrapped herself around him, they heard Eric sigh. “Oh, that was so worth the volleyball injury.”

    (Y/N) went around the room, saying hello to old friends and introducing herself to new ones. Deanna then borrowed Abraham for an interview and Aaron began to take Eric to the infirmary. But he stopped himself, tapping (Y/N) on the shoulder and motioning vaguely toward the door.

    She gasped and turned to Daryl. “You have to meet her! I’ll be right back.”

    She raced out of the building, leaving a shell-shocked Daryl behind.

    “You hear that?” He asked Rick, eyes wide.

    Rick smiled and patted him on the shoulder. “Welcome to the club, brother. Hope you don’t like sleeping.”

    “Well, I’m lost,” they heard Carol mutter.

    “Not only were these two together--” Rick begin, a gleeful grin on his face, “--they were expecting.

    The others gaped, especially Daryl’s best friend. “Why didn’t you say anything?” She asked him seriously. “You didn’t have to carry that yourself.”

    Daryl shook his head. “We woulda killed ourselves lookin’ for ‘em. Couldn’t lose nobody else,” he admitted sheepishly.

    The creak of the front door gained everyone’s attention. (Y/N) shuffled inside, a bundle of blankets in her arms. Daryl immediately stepped up, but she shook her head and motioned to the couch. The couple sat down, instantly surrounded by their friends, who all wanted to get a look at the baby.

    (Y/N) went to pass her to Daryl, but the poor man was frozen.

    “Ain’t changed since Judith was born,” she teased, her voice warm. “You can hold her.”

    He took the baby then, though his hands were shaking. He cradled her as though she would shatter with one wrong move. Slowly, he moved his fingers to stroke her tiny hands, a loving smile emerging when her little fingers grasped his thumb.

    “She’s perfect,” he muttered, placing a kiss on her forehead. His voice cracked, but no one said a single thing about it.

    “She’s got her daddy’s eyes,” (Y/N) remarked wistfully.

    They sat in brief silence, everyone watching the baby wiggle in her father’s grasp. Daryl was perhaps considering the full 180 his situation had just made. Everything he thought he lost was right there in his arms. (Y/N) was right, too, he realised. His little girl had his beautiful baby blues.

    Aaron and Eric departed, seeing as the latter was due for an infirmary visit. Both (Y/N) and Rick thanked them as they left; Daryl was too distracted.

    Michonne was the next to break the quiet. “Does she have a name?”

    Daryl, curious, looked to (Y/N), who shook her head. “Didn’t feel right,” she admitted to him, “without you.”

    Almost immediately, the group was offering ideas up like they were drinks.

    Daryl looked down at his daughter and, cutting through the chatter, announced: “Beth.”

    They all went silent.

    “She an’ Hershel took care of us when they found out,” he explained, looking up at (Y/N). “She watched for ya when I was on runs an’ after-- after the prison she helped me get my shit together.”

    (Y/N) nodded and rested her hand on top of his, the same one that their little girl held so tightly to. Meeting his eyes, she was glad she waited on the name. This meant everything to him; being able to name their kid, to call that kid his own.

    (Y/N) then looked to Maggie, who sniffed and wiped at tears as she leaned into Glenn.

    “She woulda loved that,” the woman rasped, her voice breaking.

    “Beth Dixon,” (Y/N) announced, “the luckiest kid in the whole damn world.”

    She saw the way Daryl looked at her when she said Dixon, like his heart had just been ripped out of his chest in the best way possible.

    He pulled her and the baby close as the others congratulated them and celebrated with them. Even on the darkest of days, this memory would light up their whole world, he thought.

    Beth Sophia Dixon, they decided; for the girl they couldn’t save and the girl who saved them. And (Y/N) was right.

    She was gonna be the luckiest kid in the whole damn world. Daryl would make sure of it.

(Requests are currently closed. I’m finishing up my old ones.)

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